# Do you actually know or have personal contact with anyone living in or at a Assisted Living Facility



## Lon (May 6, 2018)

I'll bet not----I get the impression that all or most SF members know about AL is from what they have read or heresay from others. Sure, everyone wants to stay in their own home, trim their trees, tend the garden, feed the animals until they croak or get hauled away to the Funny Farm but that just ain't gonna happen for most folks. IMHO many couples would be well suited for living their remaining years in AL. There are a number of married couples living here where I am and they nhave adjusted quite well. It's best to plan ahead on how to bring this about rather than pursue on the spur of the moment.


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## Don M. (May 6, 2018)

I don't know about "assisted living", but I recently witnessed an old neighbor with terminal cancer who spent a fair amount of time in a nursing home, before he finally passed.  The care facility seemed to be quite good, and the staff was great, but what a Miserable way to spend a persons final weeks/months....hours and hours laying in bed, or in a chair, with little to do other than watch TV....sure makes a good case for Dr. Kevorkian.


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## jujube (May 6, 2018)

My uncle lived at an assisted living facility the last five years of his life.  He was in his glory.....85% female and 15% male.  He was a handsome fellow and loved the ladies (and boy, did they love him back!)  Being tremendously social, he enjoyed associating with the guys, too.  

His facility was a very active one, with parties and outings.  They had a "kegger" every Friday night and never passed up the occasion for some sort of shindig.  

He wasn't happy about going into one but it took him only days to "find his place".  After that, it was hard to get him out to go visit relatives for holidays.....he was always afraid he was missing some fun at "home".  

Now, nursing homes?  I don't know anyone who was happy in a nursing home.


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## Buckeye (May 6, 2018)

My mother and step father are in a senior housing facility, but are still in the independent living section.  When needed they can relocate to the assisted living section, and, when the time comes, go to the hospice section.  They love it, moved in about 5 years ago.  

The down side is that many, if not most folks simply can't afford this type of facility.  I never asked about the $$ but I believe the upfront endowment was about $300k and the monthly fee $4,000+


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## Butterfly (May 6, 2018)

Nice ones  in the city I live in start at about $5,000 per month.  I could not afford that.  The one my boss' mother was in about 10 years ago was nice, and it cost $4,000 per month, plus extras (and just about everything was an extra).


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## terry123 (May 7, 2018)

I had a good friend that I cared about who went into assisted living.  They were very active and he took part in their activities. I still continued to pick him up, take him to his doctor appointments, out to eat on the weekends etc. Sometimes I would eat with him at the center. I paid his bills for him and took him to the Catholic events he loved at his church. He only lived there for 2 years before he had to go to Hospice.  But he was very independent and I was glad he could live as he wanted to. He had the means to live there but most people don't.


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## Aunt Bea (May 7, 2018)

My mother was in assisted living for over three years. It wasn't the cruise ship style of assisted living that you have but it was a nice basic place to live.

The newer facilities remind me of the residential hotels that were popular in many cities years ago.

In this area the upscale assisted living facilities all have a program that allows a person to come and spend a couple of days to get a feel for the routine before making the decision and one of them has a program where you can travel for vacations and stay at one of their other locations for a week or two at no additional charge other than transportation. Also, a couple of the nicer facilities have a program where couples can stay at the same price as a single, no charge for the additional food or laundry.

If I can afford it when the time comes I will definitely go that route.

My big concern is that I will outlive my funds, I need to be like Barbara Hutton and die just before the well runs dry!


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## moviequeen1 (May 7, 2018)

A close church friend of mine,Peter lives in an assisted living facility in Hamburg,NY{south of Buffalo}he moved in a yr ago,he is happy to be there
He and his late wife,Rose lived in Hamburg over 50yrs,when she died in '16,had a hard time adjusting without her.Last yr,he sold the house,gave up driving. Another church friend who also lives in Hamburg,has lately been bringing him to church.Peter continues with his daily routines,he goes to weekly meetings with his friends.He uses the facility van to go to dr's appts..My minster and I are his local emergency contacts since his son lives in Colorado. I talk to Peter a couple times a week Sue


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## CeeCee (May 7, 2018)

My neighbor and her husband across the street just moved to one in Fresno.  Think it's called Solstice on Shaw and Fowler.

I talked to her briefly when she called to give me her new phone number.  She did say she didn't like the food and that you had to be at dinner, etc at a certain time.

That's all I know about the place.  

I thnk the house was getting to be too much for her ...her husband has Alzheimer's and is not doing well.  She still seems pretty active but had a few health issues herself....

They haven't sold their house yet either.


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## C'est Moi (May 7, 2018)

My best friend's dad lives in a nice assisted living facility.   He is very unhappy there and wants to return home, though.


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## Lon (May 7, 2018)

Don M. said:


> I don't know about "assisted living", but I recently witnessed an old neighbor with terminal cancer who spent a fair amount of time in a nursing home, before he finally passed.  The care facility seemed to be quite good, and the staff was great, but what a Miserable way to spend a persons final weeks/months....hours and hours laying in bed, or in a chair, with little to do other than watch TV....sure makes a good case for Dr. Kevorkian.



It's not living in the Nursing Home that is miserable, it's living with CANCER!!


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## Lethe200 (May 8, 2018)

We spent a lot of time researching and visiting full-service seniorcare facilities near our home, for my MIL. It paid off, she was very happy living there although reluctant to go at first. But after a while, like jujube, we had a hard time scheduling a day when we could pick her up to go out for lunch. She was always busy with something, and loved the social atmosphere and friendly staff.

Seniors should start investigating their options sooner rather than later. There are senior residence facilities - usually converted hotels or apartment buildings - where it's an "over 55" facility with basic amenities. If you need actual help you pay for it yourself, so you're not paying for something you don't need. The units are retrofitted with handrails, etc.; your utilities cost is very low, the building is secured at night. We have an elderly friend who chose this route and only went into a skilled care (nursing) facility at the very end of her life. It was a smart choice and cost effective. There were residents there in their 90's and several were 100+!


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## StarSong (May 9, 2018)

My mostly wheelchair-bound mother was in AL (memory care unit due to vascular dementia) for nearly a year before she had a stroke.  The hospice people were permitted to set up her room.  They and our family stayed with Mom until she passed.  

My FIL moved into a different AL a little over a year ago.  He is completely ambulatory and though often confused about recent events, he doesn't yet need memory care help.  Cost is $2900 per month, which includes room, board, transportation to doctors if we can't get there, and the dispensing/management of his meds.  This is a gorgeous, recently upgraded place with hotel-like amenities and plenty of interesting activities.  He is quite happy there and far less bored than he was at home after my MIL passed.  Food is plentiful, tasty, fresh, and the kitchen seems anxious to please a variety of palates.        

With our personal experience of two different ALs, my husband and I have no fear of them whatsoever.  If the time comes when that is an appropriate move for either or both of us, we expect to transition willingly.

p.s.  The costs here are quite reasonable because there are a number of fairly new ALs in our area.  We visited several and all were open to negotiation.  Upfront costs were one month's rent and they raise rates no more than 5% annually.  Full memory/Alzheimer's care is $4100 per month.  (I asked.)


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## WilliamArcuri (Oct 7, 2018)

Yes, my mother is in assisted living. She is having Alzheimer's and so we thought of Alzheimer's care near Morris County NJ for her health betterment. She is there getting good care. Regular activities provided by the memory care is improving her health.


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## Geezerette (Oct 8, 2018)

I spent most of 2017 in what was supposed to be a fairly good ,medium priced asst liv facil after bad break of rt femur. It was the right thing to do at the time because I was wheelchair bound, no space for live in help & daughter worked full time plus. 
Was part of a for profit co in SW. It was fairly small, about 50 residents in main part plus about 20 in locked "memory" unit. The ones in the main unit: most of the ones who were mobile had cognitive problems but weren't risk for wandering away & the ones who didn't had various serious mobility problems or were in hospice. Some wonderful people, but one crazy woman who once grabbed my wrist & twisted it because I didn't want her to move my Walker somewhere I couldn't reach it. 

The physical plant was nice, had great view from my window, folks doing my personal care very nice. Had activities, sched trans to Apts, shopping. free tv but wifi only certain places in facil. Negatives: food was very poor quality & preparation, messed up my blood work. Not good part of town . Staff & residents cars were being stolen from parking lot. Gave me something to worry about as I was keeping mine there. Security was lax, staff were keeping some back doors propped open for their own convenience & in late August some residents rooms were robbed of easily taken things like wallets, jewelry. I had yo keep my financial papers there as I had given up my apt. Worried me every time I did go out. I did have great physical therapy tho & progressed to being able to use Walker, & cane at times, drive occasionally. 

When I felt I could manage back in the world with minimum help I started looking at Apts & ended up going back to 1 BR in my previous home, where I'm very very happy! It isn't easy but I feel safer here, have a medical alert button, & daughter & husband help about as much as any 80 yr old would need without any real inconvenience.
One warning: AL & home care will suck up your $ like a giant vacuum.


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## Catlady (Oct 20, 2018)

Hoot N Annie said:


> The down side is that many, if not most folks simply can't afford this type of facility.  I never asked about the $$ but I believe the upfront endowment was about $300k and the monthly fee $4,000+



I love the IDEA of assisted living (pay only for what you need), but I doubt I'll be able to afford it.  I'm going to try and live on my own for as long as I can, maybe hire help when absolutely needed.  I am now 76, hopefully when my funds run out I can find a way to commit suicide (not religious, so no moral problems about suicide).


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## MeAgain (Jan 3, 2019)

jujube said:


> My uncle lived at an assisted living facility the last five years of his life.  He was in his glory.....85% female and 15% male.  He was a handsome fellow and loved the ladies (and boy, did they love him back!)  Being tremendously social, he enjoyed associating with the guys, too.
> 
> His facility was a very active one, with parties and outings.  They had a "kegger" every Friday night and never passed up the occasion for some sort of shindig.
> 
> ...




With all the other things to worry about when getting old this is one I'd hope to avoid. 
We Boomer's and our ****** revolution is now back firing. Seems we also have STD 'boom'.
Just be careful.

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/sexually-transmitted-disease-rates-rise-among-elderly-why/

*Sexually transmitted disease rates rise among elderly:*


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## MeAgain (Jan 3, 2019)

Lethe200 said:


> We spent a lot of time researching and visiting full-service seniorcare facilities near our home, for my MIL. It paid off, she was very happy living there although reluctant to go at first. But after a while, like jujube, we had a hard time scheduling a day when we could pick her up to go out for lunch. She was always busy with something, and loved the social atmosphere and friendly staff.
> 
> Seniors should start investigating their options sooner rather than later. There are senior residence facilities - usually converted hotels or apartment buildings - where it's an "over 55" facility with basic amenities. If you need actual help you pay for it yourself, so you're not paying for something you don't need. The units are retrofitted with handrails, etc.; your utilities cost is very low, the building is secured at night. We have an elderly friend who chose this route and only went into a skilled care (nursing) facility at the very end of her life. It was a smart choice and cost effective. There were residents there in their 90's and several were 100+!



This kind would probably be the most logical of them for most of us. It wouldn't take long to wipe out a huge amount of money in medical coast. Then where do you go?


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## Lethe200 (Jan 4, 2019)

MeAgain said:


> This kind would probably be the most logical of them for most of us. It wouldn't take long to wipe out a huge amount of money in medical coast. Then where do you go?



That's why financial planning is important. Sadly, few people do it or know how to do it themselves. Saving money is a good financial base, but it's more important to understand your morbidity risk and financially plan for worst case scenarios.

We're looking at senior living facilities ourselves in 2019. Costs are high even for us; we'll need to do some compromising and risk assessment.

Skilled care costs aren't an issue for us right now. We have very good LTCi policies backed by the state pension fund. An ombudsman is automatically assigned if/when we make a claim, to work on our behalf. Benefits are tax-free income and large enough to cover any facility cost - that was the one *really good* positive about the recent decade of low inflation. Our daily benefit amount compounded enough to finally catch up to actual facility fees!

Where we live, Medicaid nursing care facilities are really "bottom of the barrel". Not places you'd want to be, or want your family/friends to live at.


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