# Are they all like this today?



## AprilSun (Feb 28, 2018)

Are most adult kids today like this? I have two children and because I've had to quit driving and live alone, I need help with transportation and picking up my medications, etc. sometimes. One thinks that because they take me to doctors, etc., they have the right to tell me which ones I can not see. I say as long as I'm paying for it, it is my decision. But, because I refuse to change, this child has refused to help with my transportation or anything else and the other always says, "I have to work" and will not take me anywhere even in emergencies. I needed stitches just the other day, and I asked if they would take me and I was told, "I have to work". Oh, they said if I couldn't find anyone else "that they would work something out". But, it's not other people's place to take me. It is my kids place to help me out but they don't see it that way. This is the response each time I ask so it's hard to believe that they can't take off when it is necessary for an emergency. Are they all like this? I hope not!


----------



## C'est Moi (Feb 28, 2018)

No, they are not all like that.   Sorry that you don't get more support from your children.


----------



## Seeker (Feb 28, 2018)

First of all {{{HUGS}}} April. No they are not all like this. I haven’t reached that point yet but I’m not sure mine will be there for me. They are scattered. My mother lives an hour and a half from me and I do find it hard to get there “every” time she needs me. I also find myself asking do you really need to see this doctor. But I go and take her anyway. If at all possible. If not ,I ask her to reschedule for a more convenient time. In case of emergencies I tell her to call 911.


----------



## Falcon (Feb 28, 2018)

AprilSun.  I'm sure you'll workout something. Good luck.

Let us know when your brats ask  YOU for a favor.  We'd all love to  offer you suggestions.  It'll  be fun.


----------



## applecruncher (Feb 28, 2018)

AprilSun, you should contact your state and county dept of aging. They have excellent transportation and errand services for seniors (low cost).

Stop dealing with your kids, it's a stressful waste of time.


----------



## Mizzkitt (Feb 28, 2018)

April, sorry about your situation. It kind of makes me glad that I never had kids. Is there a younger person around where you live that could perhaps take you and you give a few dollars too.


----------



## debbie in seattle (Feb 28, 2018)

Having worked in healthcare as long as I did, I saw lots of kids (and grandkids) having to bring mom (mostly) to her appointments.      I also saw what a sacrifice it was for the kids.   Saying this, I feel it is part of being a family to help out when needed.      As Applecruncher. stated, there should be services in your area for drivers for seniors.   Ever thought of Uber?    If finances are an issue for you, talk to your kids and see if they would pay for your transportation.


----------



## James (Feb 28, 2018)

My Mother In Law spent almost the last 2 months in Hospital with a broken hip.  My wife was with her every day and now that she's back in her own apartment still recovering has been staying with her 24/7, never mind arranging all of current medical needs.

She has 2 other useless sisters who managed to visit her twice in two months.  To say that we (and her mother) are disgusted is an understatement.


----------



## Warrigal (Feb 28, 2018)

applecruncher said:


> AprilSun, you should contact your state and county dept of aging. They have excellent transportation and errand services for seniors (low cost).
> 
> Stop dealing with your kids, it's a stressful waste of time.



I second this idea. I am signed up for our community transport service even though we still have a car. The time may come when I need it for medical appointments and either hubby needs the car for something important or neither of us will still be driving.

The other thing I am planning to do is get myself a gopher to drive short distances to the shops, local doctor and the like.


----------



## Robusta (Feb 28, 2018)

I am NOT saying this is you.  My sister in Law, very sweet lady, a widow, he has been gone about 6/7 years.  They always had the show house on the road. They would put in a full forty at work and then come home and put another 80 or 100 into the gardens and home.
When Karl passed, she could no longer do it all. Her kids would come and help out a couple times a week. Mind you these are all adults with homes jobs and children. Her requests became more and more frequent, she started scheduling improvement projects out side the scope of maintenance complete with standards and deadlines.
  She seemed to be under the impression that her kids had some obligation to do these jobs, instead of knowing that they were doing her a favor.

She has had a big to do about this and now only one of three will even speak to her. She just doesn't understand and genuinely fells betrayed. 

I surely hope this isn't you, but there are three side to every story, yours, they 'res and the truth.


----------



## Aunt Bea (Feb 28, 2018)

James said:


> My Mother In Law spent almost the last 2 months in Hospital with a broken hip.  My wife was with her every day and now that she's back in her own apartment still recovering has been staying with her 24/7, never mind arranging all of current medical needs.
> 
> She has 2 other useless sisters who managed to visit her twice in two months.  To say that we (and her mother) are disgusted is an understatement.



My experiences were similar, sometimes you look around and realize that you are an only child.


----------



## Falcon (Feb 28, 2018)

Warrigal said:


> I second this idea. I am signed up for our community transport service even though we still have a car. The time may come when I need it for medical appointments and either hubby needs the car for something important or neither of us will still be driving.
> 
> The other thing I am planning to do is get myself a gopher to drive short distances to the shops, local doctor and the like.



Warri,  What is a "gopher";  Besides the garden variety  I mean.
?


----------



## debbie in seattle (Feb 28, 2018)

Falcon said:


> Warri,  What is a "gopher";  Besides the garden variety  I mean.
> ?



I was wondering that too.


----------



## James (Feb 28, 2018)

Warrigal said:


> I second this idea. I am signed up for our community transport service even though we still have a car. The time may come when I need it for medical appointments and either hubby needs the car for something important or neither of us will still be driving.
> 
> The other thing I am planning to do is get myself a gopher to drive short distances to the shops, local doctor and the like.



??


----------



## Gary O' (Feb 28, 2018)

Falcon said:


> Warri,  What is a "gopher";  Besides the garden variety  I mean.
> ?



go fer this
go fer that


----------



## Ruth n Jersey (Feb 28, 2018)

I'm pretty sure my kids will be there for me when I need them and I'm also sure they will be loaded with advice and opinions. Hopefully when that time comes we can find common ground.


----------



## AZ Jim (Feb 28, 2018)

Actually, Gary O' is right...It is someone who goes for this or that...


----------



## Butterfly (Feb 28, 2018)

When my mother was dying, I had an understanding with my boss that if something urgent happened with her I had to leave, and I had an arrangement with another employee to pick up slack if necessary.  That was for a particular period of time, and everyone knew about my mother's terminal situation.

Having said that, however, at the last job I had (long after the above situation) there were times I truly could not just pick up and leave to take someone to the doctor without serious consequences to my job or to a client's case.  Court deadlines are court deadlines, and they do not care what else is going on.

I provided (and still do) transportation for my sister to appointments and so on when I can.  I told her back when I was working that I would do what I could but she could not rely on me being able to leave at any time at the drop of a hat or that I could take off Tuesday morning to take her places.  I just couldn't do that and expect to remain employed at a place with absolute deadlines.  It  really wasn't my employer's problem to accommodate my sister's needs, after all, and I needed the job to keep food on my table.


----------



## Mizzkitt (Mar 1, 2018)

In Canada gopher is a common term meaning as others have said go for


----------



## Aunt Bea (Mar 1, 2018)

I think Warrigal is talking about one of these.


----------



## Aunt Bea (Mar 1, 2018)

Butterfly said:


> When my mother was dying, I had an understanding with my boss that if something urgent happened with her I had to leave, and I had an arrangement with another employee to pick up slack if necessary.  That was for a particular period of time, and everyone knew about my mother's terminal situation.
> 
> Having said that, however, at the last job I had (long after the above situation) there were times I truly could not just pick up and leave to take someone to the doctor without serious consequences to my job or to a client's case.  Court deadlines are court deadlines, and they do not care what else is going on.
> 
> I provided (and still do) transportation for my sister to appointments and so on when I can.  I told her back when I was working that I would do what I could but she could not rely on me being able to leave at any time at the drop of a hat or that I could take off Tuesday morning to take her places.  I just couldn't do that and expect to remain employed at a place with absolute deadlines.  It  really wasn't my employer's problem to accommodate my sister's needs, after all, and I needed the job to keep food on my table.



I agree!

I found myself in a similar situation many years ago when dealing with my father and his appointments.  Life became much easier when we came to the agreement that I would schedule the appointments if I was expected to provide the transportation.  

Like Robusta said earlier there are three sides to every story.


----------



## oldman (Mar 1, 2018)

I would have carried my Mom on my back to the doctors, if she needed me too. My Mom and Dad were my best friends. There is absolutely nothing that I wouldn't have done for them. 

Your kids may find out when you have passed away that they wished that they would have treated you better. I have a friend that tell me that occasionally.


----------



## applecruncher (Mar 1, 2018)

With very few exceptions, I don't rely on relatives/friends for transportation.  Often their offers are made only because they feel that's what they should do.  People have their own lives, and frankly I don't want to hear about their busy schedules or see them look at their watch or phone, and I don't like feeling rushed.  Exception would be for something such as out-patient surgery.


----------



## Gary O' (Mar 1, 2018)

applecruncher said:


> With very few exceptions, I don't rely on relatives/friends for transportation.



I'm gonna go with that as long as I can



Robusta said:


> there are three side to every story, yours, they 'res and the truth.




Gonna say here, there’s prolly four sides or more
Visited Mom at the hospital, her last days
Her greeting was ‘what the hell are *YOU *doin’ here?’
thought she’d soften a bit in her state
silly me
felt like the grim reaper

my brother was her gofer
I offered many times
They were close
Glad for him
Mom was a good mom
Just didn’t warm up much after my early years of doin’ whatever
Tried to talk to her about things of my youth, many times
One time, after rebuilding a bathroom of one of her motel units, I invited myself to sit in her kitchen, thought we’d have coffee and a heart to heart
Not…..what’s the word….receptive, yeah not receptive to it

Well now, ain’t this a bag of dirty laundry

Sorry

It’s just, there’s more than a few sides


----------



## JimW (Mar 1, 2018)

Gary O' said:


> Gonna say here, there’s prolly four sides or more
> Visited Mom at the hospital, her last days
> Her greeting was ‘what the hell are *YOU *doin’ here?’
> thought she’d soften a bit in her state
> ...



Sounds a lot like my relationship with my old man.


----------



## Falcon (Mar 1, 2018)

Aunt Bea said:


> I think Warrigal is talking about one of these.



Aunt Bea,  You are  probably  the only one (So far)  with the  logical  answer.
I've seen many of those in use; many different models. I'll probably  need one
myself  one of these days.  Thanks  for that post.


----------



## Aunt Bea (Mar 1, 2018)

Falcon said:


> Aunt Bea,  You are  probably  the only one (So far)  with the  logical  answer.
> I've seen many of those in use; many different models. I'll probably  need one
> myself  one of these days.  Thanks  for that post.



Why wait!!!

This little beauty lists for $8,170.00.

https://www.daily.com.au/sport-rider-scooter.html


----------



## JimW (Mar 1, 2018)

Aunt Bea said:


> Why wait!!!
> 
> This little beauty lists for $8,170.00.
> 
> https://www.daily.com.au/sport-rider-scooter.html



That's a sweet ride! 

Every time I see someone on one of these scooters, I can't help but think of the Seinfeld episode with George getting chased by the Geriatrics, lol.


----------



## applecruncher (Mar 1, 2018)

> Every time I see someone on one of these scooters, I can't help but think of the Seinfeld episode with George getting chased by the Geriatrics, lol.​



Me, too! :laugh: Eat hickory!!


----------



## Lon (Mar 1, 2018)

AprilSun said:


> Are most adult kids today like this? I have two children and because I've had to quit driving and live alone, I need help with transportation and picking up my medications, etc. sometimes. One thinks that because they take me to doctors, etc., they have the right to tell me which ones I can not see. I say as long as I'm paying for it, it is my decision. But, because I refuse to change, this child has refused to help with my transportation or anything else and the other always says, "I have to work" and will not take me anywhere even in emergencies. I needed stitches just the other day, and I asked if they would take me and I was told, "I have to work". Oh, they said if I couldn't find anyone else "that they would work something out". But, it's not other people's place to take me. It is my kids place to help me out but they don't see it that way. This is the response each time I ask so it's hard to believe that they can't take off when it is necessary for an emergency. Are they all like this? I hope not!



No, but I sure understand your problem. I have a daughter that is pretty accommodating as well as two adult grand daughters. I use Uber most of the time for my appointments and have prescriptions delivered to me. Daughter and grand daughters all work and I try not to abuse their time. For me it's a desire to be as independent for as long as is possible. I have never felt it is child's responsibility to care for a parent. Using your computer can help you with many things.

HOW OLD ARE YOU APRIL SUN?


----------



## Cap'nSacto (Mar 1, 2018)

Lon said:


> No, but I sure understand your problem. I have a daughter that is pretty accommodating as well as two adult grand daughters. I use Uber most of the time for my appointments and have prescriptions delivered to me. Daughter and grand daughters all work and I try not to abuse their time. For me it's a desire to be as independent for as long as is possible. *I have never felt it is a child's responsibility to care for a parent.* Using your computer can help you with many things.



That's how I feel about it, too. After I was involved in a serious car accident, whenever my son younger son had to take time off work to help me I felt like I was taking food out of my grandkids' mouths. He was always willing to help, but I'd only call on him as a last resort.


----------



## AprilSun (Mar 1, 2018)

I'll get it worked out but I was just wondering if they were all like this. That is the only reason I asked.


----------



## Cap'nSacto (Mar 1, 2018)

AprilSun said:


> I'll get it worked out but I was just wondering if they were all like this. That is the only reason I asked.



Not all, AprilSun. But try not to be too hard on your kids (or yourself, for that matter). Often, about the time in our lives when we need their help, it's the time when their lives get bogged down with some pretty serious stuff.


----------



## Leonie (Mar 1, 2018)

I'm 72 years old and mine still think I should be driving them around when needed, so unless I live to 100, I guess there will never be a time when they return the favour.

I have now called a halt, one no longer talks to me, the other one, I'm reasonably sure I could count on - in a pinch.

So, April Sun, I guess I have to say, like everyone else, no they're not all the same, but enough of them sure are. Their generation often refers to baby boomers as the selfish generation. Well, I have my own ideas about that, as I'm sure, do you.


----------



## DaveA (Mar 1, 2018)

There's always exceptions to most things in life and kids are no exception  But, in general, I think we "reap what we sow".
If you've always been there for your kids, including when they are grown with families, and not just with a checkbook, the attitude tends to prevail in your family.  help is offered and accepted as a part of family life.

Some of us retire and head off to enjoy "the good life".  Nothing wrong with that but you're also not there to help with the day to day problems that hinder family members.  When you near the end of the trail, become somewhat feeble, you may then be looking for that helping hand and find that it's not there.   Some folks rely on acquaintances and some on family.  The choice is ours but we can't expect (the other players --our kids) to accept a rule change when the "game" goes against us.


----------



## OneEyedDiva (Mar 6, 2018)

April, I'm so sorry to read that your children are so inconsiderate of your needs!  OMGoodness no...not all adult children are like that. I know if my son wasn't on the road, often in another state, and I called him he'd be right here. He's attentive when I'm not ailing. It breaks my heart to read about parents who get treated in the way that you are being treated after all their sacrifices. In case of another emergency that doesn't require an ambulance, if you have Uber or Lyft available in your town and you have a credit or debit card, sign up. They come fast and everybody I know who's used (them) and most reviewers have had a positive experience.


----------



## Warrigal (Mar 6, 2018)

Aunt Bea said:


> Why wait!!!
> 
> This little beauty lists for $8,170.00.
> 
> https://www.daily.com.au/sport-rider-scooter.html




Sorry. I have been missing these later posts. 

Yes, that is exactly what I mean. I am soon to acquire a second hand one for A$1,200. 
It looks a bit like this






I plan to have a flag. I'm looking for a Jolly Roger.


----------



## AprilSun (Mar 6, 2018)

Thank you again everyone. I'll get it worked out eventually but I do appreciate your responses! I'm just glad they're not all like this!


----------



## Lethe200 (Mar 6, 2018)

April, this may not apply to your kids, but....

Increasingly, jobs are either short-term or not full-time. Such workers don't usually receive paid time off. We have a relative who works for Bloomingdale's - because they like her, they give her just enough hours to obtain benefits. The majority of their workers actually do not receive full benefits.

Also, I saw a drastic change in company policies even before I stopped working. Around the late 1990's, companies big and small switched to PTO time. No more separate vacation and sick leave accumulations. Everybody got a flat amount, pro-rated only if you joined after the first quarter of the year. The net effect was the way it was calculated by companies, workers lost on average 2-4 days off per year.

It's very, very hard on workers who are "sandwiched" - take time off for your kids, or perhaps a home emergency, and you may not have more than a couple of vacation days left for the entire year.


----------



## Butterfly (Mar 6, 2018)

Lethe200 said:


> April, this may not apply to your kids, but....
> 
> Increasingly, jobs are either short-term or not full-time. Such workers don't usually receive paid time off. We have a relative who works for Bloomingdale's - because they like her, they give her just enough hours to obtain benefits. The majority of their workers actually do not receive full benefits.
> 
> ...



I've seen people get fired for being gone too much.  If I had up and left (for anything other than a major emergency) in the middle of a crunch, I wouldn't have had a job to come back to.


----------

