# 30yrs No Remorseful Cousin



## Patnono (Apr 13, 2019)

About 30yrs ago 2 of my 2nd cousins did Horrible things to my grandparents, nothing physical, but financially ruined them. Who have long been deceased. Because of their drug addiction they lost everything and we're technically homeless. And their mother drank herself to DEATH because of them.  One of the cousins you could say Will die from drugs. The other one has been coming around the family like nothing happened???  He came to the family reunion 3ys ago, where he and his wife where given the cold shoulder.  He hasn't came the last 2yrs, making excuses, I'm sure it was because how he was ignored?  I've spoken to a few relatives about it.  They said he's never shown remorse for what he did and would also like an apology.  A couple of months ago he called and had I heard??? I'm like what???  That he will be in the hospital for several months, sorry relatives view him as illrelevant.  He called my brother and said nobody calls HIM??????  OMG, still Selfish.  Should I tell him what the family is thinking???  I'm tired of this, no one else seems to want to.  It's time for him to address the "Elephant" in the room so the family can move on.


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## Rosemarie (Apr 13, 2019)

Some people have no conscience. You are giving yourself stress just by letting it get to you.  Best to get on with your own life and forget about him.


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## Patnono (Apr 14, 2019)

Doesn't bother me as much as the others.  My grandmother Hated me and my siblings because she did Not approve of my Dad.  My parents rented a house from her.  She let us live with an infestation of roaches n mice, Never a nice word to say.  Never wish them Bad, but saw it as Karma.  It's just kind of annoying for my cousin to act like he's entitled.  I don't lose sleep over it...REALLY


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## 911 (Apr 14, 2019)

"Maybe" if you would speak with your cousin and explain to him/her what the family is expecting from them and somehow make your cousin realize that life isn't just about them and to stop feeling entitled, maybe, just maybe, your cousin would figure it out. There are some people that just don't get it. If after you speak with your cousin there is no change, then you can walk away knowing that at least you tried to make that person a part of the family.


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## Patnono (Apr 14, 2019)

Thanks for writing, that's what I was thinking about doing?


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## WhatInThe (Apr 15, 2019)

There's a reason there are age old sayings like 'point of no return', 'you can't go back' or 'certain lines that are crossed'. 

What addicts don't realize it's as much the repetitive behavior as it is getting caught just one time stealing, lying, cheating, manipulating etc. The addict chose the life. Why should those around have to experience it too.

Unless this person has done something like send holiday & birthday greeting cards or communicated with regularity I'd say cold shoulder is an expected consequence. Actions speak louder than words like a perfunctory apology.

Also, after this much devastation and time these people should only expect a different relationship. Not that of a long lost family member being welcomed back into the fold. If someone wants to befriend and do stuff with them that is fine but for them to expect somekind of heroes welcome because they sobered up-nope. 

Personally I'm a point of no return person.


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## Falcon (Apr 15, 2019)

Ignore  him.   Don't  have  anything  to do with  him.   Get on with  YOUR  life.


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## Knight (Apr 15, 2019)

Should I tell him what the family is thinking??? 


Seems to me he has a clue


Quote
"He came to the family reunion 3ys ago, where he and his wife where given the cold shoulder." 


"He hasn't came the last 2yrs, making excuses, I'm sure it was because how he was ignored?"


Why bother?


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## Patnono (Apr 15, 2019)

Maybe?  But he needs to take responsibility.  Once drug endorsement raded her home, he was selling drugs from her house.  They made my 80yr old grandparents lay down spread eagle.  guns drawn.  After he did time for that, he went back to live with them and finished them off financially, leaving them homeless, tricked my grandmother into signing papers she thought were closing papers, they we're really loan papers for $90,000.  She had to sell her home to pay the loan off    At the time she began with symptoms if dementia.


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## gumbud (Apr 15, 2019)

you keep saying "he needs to take responsibility" - he has a mental disease I would say and part of it is never taking responsibility - how long can you wait - he can wait for ever!!


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## Knight (Apr 15, 2019)

this thread began with

[h=2]30yrs No Remorseful Cousin[/h]
Maybe it's just me but after 30 years do you really think remorse will be shown? Or is this your way of venting about a family member you wish would own up to what you claim took place. One side of any story isn't fair.


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## gumbud (Apr 15, 2019)

Knight said:


> this thread began with
> 
> *30yrs No Remorseful Cousin*
> 
> ...



any website by definition really has mainly one sided stories heh?


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## Butterfly (Apr 16, 2019)

I would not get involved in any way.  You'll just end up int he middle of a feud.  Why are you so worried about things that happened 30 years ago and that were done by third parties.  Just move on and let it go.  It isn't your obligation to straighten out the world and this isn't your problem.  Presumably your grandparents are dead and whatever this cousin does or does not do will have no effect on them  whatsoever.


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## Knight (Apr 16, 2019)

gumbud said:


> any website by definition really has mainly one sided stories heh?


True,  that's the point.  Stories on the net may be true or not because the story teller has  anonymity. I think if the accused were able to respond that would be more interesting. For me the story posted  comes down to _why weren't the family members concerned 30 years ago? Maybe if concern was shown then the story would be different now, or no story at all. _


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## WhatInThe (Apr 16, 2019)

Patnono said:


> Maybe?  But he needs to take responsibility.  Once drug endorsement raded her home, he was selling drugs from her house.  They made my 80yr old grandparents lay down spread eagle.  guns drawn.  After he did time for that, he went back to live with them and finished them off financially, leaving them homeless, tricked my grandmother into signing papers she thought were closing papers, they we're really loan papers for $90,000.  She had to sell her home to pay the loan off    At the time she began with symptoms if dementia.




Adult children abusing their parents and privileges is apparently more common than one would think. It takes someone without a conscience and/or so self centered it's no wonder they get involved with heavy drug use because it's about their personal satisfaction.

That being said personally this is one of those lines this family member crossed. And he should be reminded of it in detail. Torment him with it make him think absolution is not waiting for him in his final days. That's my personal opinion and currently laying the ground work for that here with a similar acting family member.


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## Butterfly (May 1, 2019)

WhatInThe said:


> Adult children abusing their parents and privileges is apparently more common than one would think. It takes someone without a conscience and/or so self centered it's no wonder they get involved with heavy drug use because it's about their personal satisfaction.
> 
> That being said personally this is one of those lines this family member crossed. And he should be reminded of it in detail. Torment him with it make him think absolution is not waiting for him in his final days. That's my personal opinion and currently laying the ground work for that here with a similar acting family member.



I may be out of line here, but IMHO I believe tormenting an individual and trying to make him believe no absolution is possible is a wee bit above our pay grade.


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## WhatInThe (May 1, 2019)

Butterfly said:


> I may be out of line here, but IMHO I believe tormenting an individual and trying to make him believe no absolution is possible is a wee bit above our pay grade.



Some people just need a little more help than others getting their ride on the karma train no matter what speed it is coming into their station.


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