# Perils of living alone, with little outside . Tenant in my building died alone days ago..not discovered til today



## Marie5656 (Dec 14, 2022)

*Had a sad event in my building this afternoon. A tenant here reported a bad odor in her hallway..tracked to one particular apartment.  The tenant in apt was found dead when maintanence went in. Determined he may have been dead a week or more. He kept to himself alot. Did not spend time in common areas, except to check his mail or go out for errands.
He had a couple daughters, not from area.  So, a lot of comotion in building.  If you live in senior housing, check on neighbors*


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## Muskrat (Dec 14, 2022)

I am sure this was/is scary for all residents of your building….and anyone who thinks about it. Hopefully he passed easily with no pain or fear. You take care of yourself too…sad for you


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## Buckeye (Dec 14, 2022)

My condolences to the family and friends of the deceased.  May he rest in peace.


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## Kaila (Dec 14, 2022)

That would be an upsetting occurrence that could happen in my building, as well, and cause others to feel shaken.  
Thanks for sharing about it, Marie, and take care of yourself, too.


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## Blessed (Dec 14, 2022)

That is the one thing that scares me, not for me, but for my dogs.  I do want them to be alone and not be taken care of.


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## Gaer (Dec 14, 2022)

Please don't be afraid Marie.


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## DaveA (Dec 14, 2022)

A sad happening for those of you close-by.  You take good care of yourself, Marie.


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## Marie5656 (Dec 14, 2022)

*It has been one of my fears that the same would happen to me. But I do not feel it would as I have a daily online presence. And I am seen around the building almost daily.  Plus regular contact with family.*


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## SeaBreeze (Dec 14, 2022)

Marie5656 said:


> *Had a sad event in my building this afternoon. A tenant here reported a bad odor in her hallway..tracked to one particular apartment.  The tenant in apt was found dead when maintanence went in. Determined he may have been dead a week or more. He kept to himself alot. Did not spend time in common areas, except to check his mail or go out for errands.
> He had a couple daughters, not from area.  So, a lot of comotion in building.  If you live in senior housing, check on neighbors*


Very sorry to hear that Marie, too bad someone wasn't checking on him more often.  Rest in peace.


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## Marie5656 (Dec 14, 2022)

*This evening, some of the regulars in the community room were discussing the event. Some of us were down there when the stuff was going down.  Police coming and going. Med examiner, etc. Being a building filled with seniors..from 62, up to our oldest at 98, there is a lot of death, people going to nursing homes etc. Does not make it easier.
On a positive note, a lady on my floor who has been hospitalized/nursing home for a couple months, returned home today. We had thought she would not be back, but is home now.  She had health issues earlier, and had expressed uneasiness at living alone. Which is why we thought she would not be back*


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## SeaBreeze (Dec 14, 2022)

Marie5656 said:


> *This evening, some of the regulars in the community room were discussing the event. Some of us were down there when the stuff was going down.  Police coming and going. Med examiner, etc. Being a building filled with seniors..from 62, up to our oldest at 98, there is a lot of death, people going to nursing homes etc. Does not make it easier.
> On a positive note, a lady on my floor who has been hospitalized/nursing home for a couple months, returned home today. We had thought she would not be back, but is home now.  She had health issues earlier, and had expressed uneasiness at living alone. Which is why we thought she would not be back*


I'm glad that lady on your floor is back home, must be nice for her after months in a nursing home/hospital.  I hope she continues to socialize and not feel so alone.  Always thinking about you Marie, please take care.


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## Tish (Dec 14, 2022)

So sad, may he rest in peace.


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## Lavinia (Dec 14, 2022)

Blessed said:


> That is the one thing that scares me, not for me, but for my dogs.  I do want them to be alone and not be taken care of.


This is my worry too. I don't think I would be missed by anyone, so my pets would starve to death.


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## Teacher Terry (Dec 14, 2022)

_My condo building is not seniors only but a fair amount of people that buy are older. This has happened here and we have to be careful about asking the police for wellness checks because if they break the door down the hoa doesn’t pay to fix it and people get mad. We encourage people to leave an emergency contact so if someone hasn’t seen them in a while we could call them. 

25 years ago the old guy above me died and after a week of no contact a family member got my number and called me. I knocked on his door and his car was in his space so his family called and he had been dead a week. Between my kids and friends someone would notice if it happened to me which is good because of my dogs. _


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## katlupe (Dec 15, 2022)

So sorry, Marie, to have that happen in your building. 

In my building a lady downstairs fell and laid on her bathroom floor for three days before two other people broke into her apartment. She was awake and alert but had to be taken to the ER and turned out she had a stroke. She came back home but was in and out of the hospital after that and finally passed away in the hospital. Sometimes you are just not sure if you should break into someone's apartment or not. 

In my building there are some people who just want to be left alone. Some days I can go the whole day without seeing anyone even if I am in and out of my apartment. Other days, I have people knocking on my door needing to talk to someone. As for me, my son comes here almost every day. And my bf calls me every morning so if he didn't hear from me, he would be here.


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## hollydolly (Dec 15, 2022)

Lavinia said:


> This is my worry too. I don't think I would be missed by anyone, so my pets would starve to death.


Don't you have Adult Children Lavinia, I thought I remember you mentioning them


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## Indiana Joe (Dec 15, 2022)

Blessed said:


> That is the one thing that scares me, not for me, but for my dogs.  I do want them to be alone and not be taken care of.


That is a very legitimate fear.  Can you not make an arrangement with someone you know that if you do not phone them by a certain time each day, they should either phone you, come over to check things for themselves, or call 911 for a Wellness Check performed by the police?

This is a very serious problem. i've had many mutts myself.  You don't want them suffering needlessly.


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## Pepper (Dec 15, 2022)

You don't know if you're lying dead in your apartment, rotting away.  You're dead.  Don't worry about it, that's my advice.


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## MickaC (Dec 15, 2022)

Marie5656 said:


> *Had a sad event in my building this afternoon. A tenant here reported a bad odor in her hallway..tracked to one particular apartment.  The tenant in apt was found dead when maintanence went in. Determined he may have been dead a week or more. He kept to himself alot. Did not spend time in common areas, except to check his mail or go out for errands.
> He had a couple daughters, not from area.  So, a lot of comotion in building.  If you live in senior housing, check on neighbors*


So sorry to hear this, Marie.
I’m sure it’s very unsettling.


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## NorthernLight (Dec 15, 2022)

I have one neighbor who knocks on my door to check on me. But it's once every few weeks (he's away a lot). I appreciate the gesture though.

It's amazing how long I can go without seeing any of the people in my building.


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## Pepper (Dec 15, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> It's amazing how long I can go without seeing any of the people in my building.


Me too because I barely leave my apartment.  I really need to pull myself together.  Looks like I have a New Year Resolution.


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## Marie5656 (Dec 15, 2022)

*Won't name names.....unless this person IDs self, But not long ago I was having a busy real life, and someone from here in SF even sent me a message to see how I was.  I always try to check in on people in community room to say I am alive, and to check on their well being*


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## hawkdon (Dec 15, 2022)

Very sad circumstances....


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## Chet (Dec 15, 2022)

My cousin and a neighbor down the street died the same way. Neighbors and the mail man discovered the situation. I live alone and had my brother to check on me, but since he could not control his temper, a feud ensued so no more.


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## Wren (Dec 15, 2022)

This is so sad, I’ve heard  of one lady here where I live the same thing happened, she had a daughter but they were estranged

Some places have a ‘Buddy System’ for Seniors where people phone each morning or at least let the phone ring 3 times just to say they’re alright

My daughter and I email every morning and FaceTime in the evening, if either of us hasn’t heard from the other by 9am we telephone


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## jimintoronto (Dec 15, 2022)

When I worked for Metro Toronto Ambulance, a common first thing in the morning was the "sudden death " at a residence. We would go and find a cold body, with no vital signs, usually in bed. We would do the usual physical examination, pupils, heart , lungs, and find cyanosis and stiffening of the limbs. As the person was not in a public place, we would not transport them. We would contact the Coroner's office, to have one of their Doctors attend, to do a death certificate, and also have the Police attend to take a report. In a city as large as Toronto about 50 people a day die, mostly of natural causes. As my Ambulance  partner and I used to joke........No body is going to get out of here alive.  JimB.


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## Geezer Garage (Dec 15, 2022)

My wife is in Virginia right now, dealing with the death/estate of a good friend who she always stayed with when working there, which is where her firm is located. She hadn't heard from him for several weeks which was unusual, so she called local police and asked for a welfare check, and they found him dead. He had been there almost three weeks. He was 75, and while he had some health issues, nothing that would seem to account for his sudden death. Police have ruled out any foul play.


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## Packerjohn (Dec 15, 2022)

I am a pretty active guy so I joined a group called "Friendly Neighbour, I'm Okay."  We put this little sign outside our door every morning when we wake up to show that we are OK!. If there is no sign, someone knocks on the door, then there is a phone call.  There are another 3 steps before the administration is called.

I do the patrol on Saturday mornings.  It's a good system for folks living alone.  Of course, I belong to a walking group and I'm pretty social.  I see people every day and I enjoy "chewing the fat" with them.  I think if you are a recluse, you could get pretty depressed and it "ain't" good for your mental health.  People are important and we all need people; no matter what the pandemic "Doctor Death" tells you about staying home.

In Canada every province has a chief medical officer.  When they speak, it's pretty depressing news.  Here is a photo of the guy we had to listen to for the last 2.5 years.  Like I said, he could be real depressing.


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## Wren (Dec 15, 2022)

A  brilliant idea Packerjohn, even a few close neighbours could do something similar for each other


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## Marie5656 (Dec 16, 2022)

*Update. Lots of misinformation it seems. He was not deceased for two weeks.....more like two or three days before discovered. People ran with unverified info, He HAD been seen just a few days before he was found,  A tragic event made worse by people running with info before verifying.  When I initially posted, I had observed the events of the day he was found..EMTs arriving, police, medical examiner and all. 
I stayed in the community room a while as apt manager asked us not to wander around lobby area and his floor.  But several of us did go to our places as we really did not want to be there to witness them bringing him out*


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## OneEyedDiva (Dec 16, 2022)

Marie5656 said:


> *It has been one of my fears that the same would happen to me. But I do not feel it would as I have a daily online presence. And I am seen around the building almost daily.  Plus regular contact with family.*


That was one of my fears too Marie until my son moved back in. I have family that checks on me, including him , but with their busy lives, it wasn't every day. Also when my sister would call and get voicemail, she assumed I was "in the wind" or at my timeshare. I had told my son to call me at least every other day, but he didn't always keep up. My DIL use to call me regularly whenever she didn't have work, especially after COVID.

I had a first cousin (he passed last year) who was estranged from his mother through no fault of his own. I never met her because I didn't meet that part of my family until 1998 but was told by my (half) siblings and my cousin that she was a horrible woman. Still my cousin tried to reach out to her. When he couldn't reach her within a reasonable amount of time, he went to her house and found her dead in the tub. She was probably also dead for a week. I can't even imagine how horrible that was for him to see. He was strange (but lovable) and preferred to stay to himself (except going to the mosque) after his failed marriages and disappointing relationships with his children. I imagine finding his mother like that along with what he endured growing up had a lot to do with how he turned out.


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## Trish (Dec 16, 2022)

Since the days of Covid and the lockdown, we have had a local WhatsApp Group where we all keep in touch.  It's great for asking for help whether it be recommendations for, say, a boiler repairman or because someone is ill and cannot get shopping or prescriptions.  It has also brought people together so we notice more if someone is not around or has been poorly and not posted.

This might be a good idea for other communities too, especially people living alone.


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## hearlady (Dec 16, 2022)

Sorry about that Marie. Try not to let it bother you too much but its understandable that it would.


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## JustBonee (Dec 16, 2022)

Same occurrence here  ...  three  years ago,  a 94 yr. old woman died in her 1st floor apt.,  in a  building next to mine. 
She hadn't been seen for a week,   and there was a strong  smell  coming from her apt.

Fire Dept. had to be called to break down the door,  as these apartments have a double  bolt inside that cannot be opened with a key from the outside by anyone.  Management only has key to one of the locks. 

This woman had been very active for her age,  and still drove her own car.    She apparently was trying to get to her front door but fell short of the entrance and died there.  She lived alone, and had no pets.   Her 66 yr. old daughter was contacted.


I decided to get an alert system since I live alone,  and still have a dog to take care of. 

I signed up with:     https://www.snugsafe.com   .... it's a FREE  service on your iPhone that makes you check in with them everyday.
If you don't reply to them  when they send a message daily,  they will then  contact whoever you designate.

This service is perfect for me,  as I don't have to buy or sign up for anything else.     I've had it for 2 years now.


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## officerripley (Dec 16, 2022)

JustBonee said:


> Same occurrence here  ...  three  years ago,  a 94 yr. old woman died in her 1st floor apt.,  in a  building next to mine.
> She hadn't been seen for a week,   and there was a strong  smell  coming from her apt.
> 
> Fire Dept. had to be called to break down the door,  as these apartments have a double  bolt inside that cannot be opened with a key from the outside by anyone.  Management only has key to one of the locks.
> ...


This sounds great, thanks for the info.


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## BC Flash (Dec 16, 2022)

A few years ago, there were 2 elderly widows who lived alone.   Their windows were visible from my kitchen - it was suggested that they pull up their blinds or kitchen curtains in the mornings.    That worked well until one of the widows had visitors who did not open the curtain.   I phoned the daughter (the neighbour's contact) -  the daughter was relieved that some one nearby was looking out for her "independent" mom.


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## JustBonee (Dec 16, 2022)

officerripley said:


> This sounds great, thanks for the info.



It's so easy to use ... just push their check-in button daily.   I have it set for early morning, but you can give them any  time of  your choice.


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## Disgustedman (Dec 16, 2022)

Yes, as mentioned in another forum, SnugSafe is probably the best thing going. Here at my place we had a person pretty bad off (he should have been in a hospital) pass away, falling between the front seats.

Not seen for 2-3 days. By then, nothing but take him out.


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## Jules (Dec 16, 2022)

These both sound like excellent ideas.



Packerjohn said:


> called "Friendly Neighbour, I'm Okay." We put this little sign outside our door every morning when we wake up to show that we are OK!. If there is no sign, someone knocks on the door, then there is a phone call. There are another 3 steps before the administration is called.


Packer, if someone puts out the sign and it stays there all day would anyone notice.  They could see the sign everyday and think things are fine.



JustBonee said:


> I signed up with:  https://www.snugsafe.com  .... it's a FREE service on your iPhone that makes you check in with them everyday.
> If you don't reply to them when they send a message daily, they will then contact whoever you designate.


I’m going to look into this.  

Our neighbour used to watch for the blinds to open on the elderly lady across from her.  We wait for the light to come on in our neighbour’s house.


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## Indiana Joe (Dec 16, 2022)

JustBonee said:


> Same occurrence here  ...  three  years ago,  a 94 yr. old woman died in her 1st floor apt.,  in a  building next to mine.
> She hadn't been seen for a week,   and there was a strong  smell  coming from her apt.
> 
> Fire Dept. had to be called to break down the door,  as these apartments have a double  bolt inside that cannot be opened with a key from the outside by anyone.  Management only has key to one of the locks.
> ...


Fantastically useful post!!


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## Teacher Terry (Dec 16, 2022)

_Thanks I just signed up and now I don’t have to worry about my dogs. _


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## HoneyNut (Dec 16, 2022)

I know it would be a good idea to sign up for either snugsafe, or in Maryland there is a similar free programs for residents over age 65 




But, I'm afraid I will forget to listen for the phone, or be in the shower or on a metro train etc etc, and then not respond and cause unnecessary alarm.


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## Bretrick (Dec 16, 2022)

Where I grew up a lot of elderly people had a system that if their blind was not up in the morning then neighbours would check on them.
Something simple like that works very effectively.


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## Blessed (Dec 16, 2022)

Indiana Joe said:


> That is a very legitimate fear.  Can you not make an arrangement with someone you know that if you do not phone them by a certain time each day, they should either phone you, come over to check things for themselves, or call 911 for a Wellness Check performed by the police?
> 
> This is a very serious problem. i've had many mutts myself.  You don't want them suffering needlessly.



I have one son, he and his family are busy, I don't want to put anything extra on them to worry about.  I am lucky that I have neighbors on both sides and across the street retired.  There are only two of us living alone but we all keep an eye on each other.  The widow across the street, if her kitchen blinds are not open at some time during the day, I would check and or call her family.  Neighbors on both sides of me, if they do not see the dogs out (they bark) during the day. They would worry.  The police have been called for a well check for me.

I was sick and in bed, I had left the back door cracked so the dogs could go in and out to potty.  They called first but I did not get up to answer the phone.  So they called to have the check.  Of course, I did get up when the door bell rang, I could see the police car out front so I went to the door.  We all had a good laugh. Hope they did not catch my flu that day!


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## NorthernLight (Dec 16, 2022)

Well how about that. Here in BC there seem to be at least two options for those push-button alert things. One (and perhaps both) can waive fees for low income people.

https://www.telus.com/en/health/personal/livingwell-companion/go

https://www.northernhealth.ca/health-topics/lifeline-emergency-response-program

I guess something like this is available in many places. I had no idea.


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## Disgustedman (Dec 16, 2022)

I just recalled an incident that happened years ago. Mom was in decline, it's 2005. I woke up early, walked the dogs, then went to the store.

Meanwhile, mom goes into the kitchen, falls, calls cops, has to crawl to door. The fire dept, EMS and two officers were at the house when I drive up.

They had her in a chair, So apologized for not telling her that I was going shopping. We shook hands and they left. 

I then made sure that we had phones in every room, on the floor. Just in case. I debated life alert, but we felt that having 6 phones was good enough.


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## JustBonee (Dec 17, 2022)

> But, I'm afraid I will *forget to listen for the phone,* or be in the shower or on a metro train etc etc, and then not respond and cause unnecessary alarm.




With  SnugSafe ...  they don't call you  ....  .   You have to  look for their message daily on your phone,  and then  tap the button on their  app to check in ...   and I think they give you a leeway of a couple hours to do this.


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## MarkD (Dec 17, 2022)

Death doesn’t creep me out .. not that I want to make a big stink when I go. 

This makes me laugh.


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## Manatee (Dec 17, 2022)

We had a situation like this where I used to live.  A Deputy said that when that happens flies will collect around the windows.  That may depend on the climate.


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## Victoria (Dec 17, 2022)

Pepper said:


> You don't know if you're lying dead in your apartment, rotting away.  You're dead.  Don't worry about it, that's my advice.


True. And it can happen at any age. I was reading about SADS, sudden adult death syndrome where a young man in his 20s died suddenly and wasn't discovered till a week later. So not just an elderly thing. I also think the thought of it is worse than it actually happening because like you said, you've gone on to your next journey so you don't even know it happened. Once you die you couldn't care less about what happened to your body.


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## Blessed (Dec 17, 2022)

Victoria said:


> True. And it can happen at any age. I was reading about SADS, sudden adult death syndrome where a young man in his 20s died suddenly and wasn't discovered till a week later. So not just an elderly thing. I also think the thought of it is worse than it actually happening because like you said, you've gone on to your next journey so you don't even know it happened. Once you die you couldn't care less about what happened to your body.



Like I said, I am not worried about me at all.  I am more than happy to die at home, in the place that I am happy and comfortable in.  It is the worry about the dogs that concerns me.  Maybe I should give them up but the truth is I can't.  If I knew that I had a terminal illness, that would be different, I would find them a loving family before the event.  As they say we never know where or when.  Sometimes a little notice might be  nice.


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## Victoria (Dec 17, 2022)

Packerjohn said:


> I am a pretty active guy so I joined a group called "Friendly Neighbour, I'm Okay."  We put this little sign outside our door every morning when we wake up to show that we are OK!. If there is no sign, someone knocks on the door, then there is a phone call.  There are another 3 steps before the administration is called.
> 
> I do the patrol on Saturday mornings.  It's a good system for folks living alone.  Of course, I belong to a walking group and I'm pretty social.  I see people every day and I enjoy "chewing the fat" with them.  I think if you are a recluse, you could get pretty depressed and it "ain't" good for your mental health.  People are important and we all need people; no matter what the pandemic "Doctor Death" tells you about staying home.
> 
> In Canada every province has a chief medical officer.  When they speak, it's pretty depressing news.  Here is a photo of the guy we had to listen to for the last 2.5 years.  Like I said, he could be real depressing.


I had a client who does that! She puts a board in the window that has today's day and date and she updates it every day. I asked her why she did that and she said it was for the people who walk by so they can see that she's okay. I thought it was cool.


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