# This pretty much sums up how I feel at this point in my life



## Leann (Sep 15, 2022)

I saw this today in Instagram and it sums up how I feel at this point in my life:

_"I can't afford anymore situations in my life that bring out the worst in me. It's exhausting and requires too much for me to recover from. 
I need calmness and gentleness in my life.
I don't have the capacity for anything outside of that.
This is my soft and tender era"_

There has been a lot of tumult in my life so I welcome and embrace a soft and tender era. How about you?


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## RadishRose (Sep 15, 2022)

I have it now. I hope you enjoy this era of your life.


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## Paco Dennis (Sep 15, 2022)

I have this feeling that we are not over the ruff era yet. I try not to dwell on negative outcomes. Trying to stay positive at this age and increasing pain is a full time occupation. I am not sure if it will settle down in my lifetime. BUT, I am finding ways to stay positive and participate with others and things like. My Dad once told me, "Buddy, it is no fun getting old".


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## hollydolly (Sep 15, 2022)

Leann said:


> I saw this today in Instagram and it sums up how I feel at this point in my life:
> 
> _"I can't afford anymore situations in my life that bring out the worst in me. It's exhausting and requires too much for me to recover from.
> I need calmness and gentleness in my life.
> ...


Oh My Goodness, that's so spooky I was just thinking pretty much exactly that of my own life.. just yesterday.. wow!! Leann , I hope we both get it..


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## Gaer (Sep 15, 2022)

@Leann, The gentleness and tenderness is within YOU!
We're not riding the waves anymore with the hurricane 
above, whipping the waters around.
the top of the ocean.
We're below, in the deep, calm sea.
We're soft now.  Soft and gentle.
No matter what happens in our outer world,
we have this inner strength to fall back on.
It's not that we can't deal with it anymore.
It's:  We don't need it. We don't want it.


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## carouselsilver (Sep 15, 2022)

I'm getting there, fast. I just don't have the energy to get really angry or outraged, the way that I used to. I just want to smell the flowers, listen to the wind, and bask in the sunlight.


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## Packerjohn (Sep 15, 2022)

For sure!  I quite the "rat race" years ago because if you win the race you are still just a rat!  I have also left the consumer rat race of "Keeping up with the Joneses."  Just buy healthy things to eat and not much else!  Life is better on the slow lane and we all live longer if we leave the rats behind.


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## rgp (Sep 19, 2022)

@hollydolly is correct ... spooky, as I too have had this on my mind a lot lately .... I have a huge fook-it attitude these days. 

Don't get me wrong I still meet my obligations ....... but that's about it.


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## officerripley (Sep 20, 2022)

What is this "soft and tender" you speak of?


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## Remy (Sep 27, 2022)

I wish I could but between work, my stepfather and worry, I can never relax. I don't think I ever will and I don't think it's what I'm supposed to get.


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## Nathan (Sep 27, 2022)

Leann said:


> I saw this today in Instagram and it sums up how I feel at this point in my life:
> 
> _"I can't afford anymore situations in my life that bring out the worst in me. It's exhausting and requires too much for me to recover from.
> I need calmness and gentleness in my life.
> ...


Yes, all of this is me.      Also I'll add:    "the yard work can wait until...next season...whenever that may be"


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## C50 (Sep 27, 2022)

I spent my life as  type A personality measuring my days by accomplishments, no one thought I would be able to handle retirement.

When I stopped working it was like a switch flipped in my head, suddenly I was relaxed and stress free.  I still keep busy and like accomplishment but now can simply walk away and plan to finish the task tomorrow....or maybe the day after.lol

Such a pleasant way to live.


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## Leann (Oct 4, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> Oh My Goodness, that's so spooky I was just thinking pretty much exactly that of my own life.. just yesterday.. wow!! Leann , I hope we both get it..


@hollydolly I hope we do!


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## Leann (Oct 4, 2022)

Gaer said:


> @Leann, The gentleness and tenderness is within YOU!
> We're not riding the waves anymore with the hurricane
> above, whipping the waters around.
> the top of the ocean.
> ...


Oh @Gaer , I'm saving this. So perfectly stated. Thank you!


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## Leann (Oct 4, 2022)

Packerjohn said:


> For sure!  I quite the "rat race" years ago because if you win the race you are still just a rat!  I have also left the consumer rat race of "Keeping up with the Joneses."  Just buy healthy things to eat and not much else!  Life is better on the slow lane and we all live longer if we leave the rats behind.


@Packerjohn I think you have life figured out. You travel where you heart takes you, you have your priorities in order and you know what is important. You'll live a long life, I'm sure!


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## Leann (Oct 4, 2022)

C50 said:


> I spent my life as  type A personality measuring my days by accomplishments, no one thought I would be able to handle retirement.
> 
> When I stopped working it was like a switch flipped in my head, suddenly I was relaxed and stress free.  I still keep busy and like accomplishment but now can simply walk away and plan to finish the task tomorrow....or maybe the day after.lol
> 
> Such a pleasant way to live.


I love this @C50. Congratulations!


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## Chet (Oct 4, 2022)

The problem is that while you try to avoid problems, they find you.


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## Geezerette (Oct 5, 2022)

I’m OLD,and my generation has met and worked through many problems: other spurts of  disease, wars, recessions, re-casting expectations regarding sex and race. With determination, imagination, hard work, patience. I’m all for ease, patience, hard work.

But the thing that worries me most about one effect of the PD, is that so many people seem to b trying to Profit off it! I feel that every where I turn someone is trying to steal or hold back from me. Gas, groceries, rent, utilities, professional services.Invoking the Legend of the Broken Supply Chain to justify it. 
Any sense of Basic Trust outside my own family is gone. And I really would liked to still have that in old age.


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## Lewkat (Oct 5, 2022)

While I long for peace and quiet in my life and have achieved much of it, I still fight like a demon when I become aware of some of the injustices I see in this world.  Even more so than before, as much of it is caused by sheer ignorance and stupidity.


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## Tish (Oct 5, 2022)

I have and enjoy this gentle path I am on.


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## OneEyedDiva (Oct 6, 2022)

I feel ya Leann. I think that by the time we're seniors, we all need that gentle calm in our lives. I remember a couple of years before my husband died (about 6 years ago), I realized that being at peace was the most important thing to me at that point, even if it meant I had to be a bit "selfish" at times. I hope your life from here on out is filled with soft, tender moments.


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## Capt Lightning (Oct 7, 2022)

This is how I feel sometimes.... 

You and me We sweat and strain
Body all aching And wracked with pain
Tote that barge Lift that bale
Get a little drunk and you land in jail

I gets weary, Sick of trying
I'm tired of living, Feared of dying
But ole man river he just keeps rollin' along


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## jujube (Oct 7, 2022)

For the last few years of her life, my mom decided that she wasn't going to let the unpleasantries of the outside world into her life.  No TV, no radio, no newspapers.

She said that if there was anything she *needed* to know, we girls would tell her.  

She was the happiest person you'd ever want to know.  I think that's how she made it to 95, mind and body intact.  She had a very active social life but pretty much just heard what she wanted to hear.


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## hollydolly (Oct 7, 2022)

Capt Lightning said:


> This is how I feel sometimes....
> 
> You and me We sweat and strain
> Body all aching And wracked with pain
> ...


I love that song..,


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## Alizerine (Oct 7, 2022)

Lewkat said:


> While I long for peace and quiet in my life and have achieved much of it, I still fight like a demon when I become aware of some of the injustices I see in this world.  Even more so than before, as much of it is caused by sheer ignorance and stupidity.


I celebrate people like you. Too much stupidity is simply accepted these days. Soon the outrageous becomes the norm. You give me hope.


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## Raddragn (Nov 11, 2022)

The last 20 years have been the happiest of my life. There have been health problems, - COPD, Cancer, etc. The first progressed slowly and the cancers were stage 1. I still have a variety of interests and am still fairly lively


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## Blessed (Nov 11, 2022)

OneEyedDiva said:


> I feel ya Leann. I think that by the time we're seniors, we all need that gentle calm in our lives. I remember a couple of years before my husband died (about 6 years ago), I realized that being at peace was the most important thing to me at that point, even if it meant I had to be a bit "selfish" at times. I hope your life from here on out is filled with soft, tender moments.


It is not about being selfish, it is about finally knowing what is best for you, what makes you happy and relaxed, We worked our whole life doing what had to be done, taking care of others.  It is now the time to lay down the torch and find light in things that make us happy.


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## bowmore (Nov 11, 2022)

One of my favorite quotes:
There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living


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## officerripley (Nov 11, 2022)

bowmore said:


> There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it.


If you can, of course. Sometimes, like with certain family members, you're obligated. In fact, in this state there's even a law that says elderly parents can have the state force any offspring over the age of 18 to financially support them.


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## Ruthanne (Nov 11, 2022)

I hear you definitely


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## Pepper (Nov 12, 2022)

officerripley said:


> If you can, of course. Sometimes, like with certain family members, you're obligated. In fact, in this state there's even a law that says *elderly parents can have the state force any offspring over the age of 18 to financially support them.*


What if the parents were abusers?  No, I don't like this law.  I'll bet it wouldn't stand up to constitutional scrutiny.  Of course, these days, who knows?  I remember screaming at Ed Koch in the street when he was my congressman for proposing this federally.

eta
Well, maybe not screaming but I was emphatically objecting.  I had wonderful parents but being forced by the state? No one would have had to force me.....So.  Nah.  Too many parents suck.


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## StarSong (Nov 12, 2022)

officerripley said:


> If you can, of course. Sometimes, like with certain family members, you're obligated. In fact, in this state there's even a law that says elderly parents can have the state force any offspring over the age of 18 to financially support them.


These laws are on the books in 30 states but are virtually never enforced.  California's law is still on the books but has been rendered completely toothless by another code.  (*Bolded, below*)

*California Filial Support Law*

In California, the filial support law provides that “every adult child who, having the ability so to do, fails to provide necessary food, clothing, shelter, or medical attendance for an indigent parent, is guilty of a misdemeanor.” California Family Code §§ 4400-4405.  So technically it's a law but an unenforceable one.  

*Section 4400 is still on the books but is undermined by California Welfare and Institutions Code 12350, which provides that “[n]o relative shall be held legally liable to support or to contribute to the support of any applicant for or recipient of aid under this chapter.” It further states, “No county or city and county or officer or employee thereof shall threaten any such relative with any legal action against him by or in behalf of the county or city and county or with any penalty whatsoever.”*
Source: https://www.robertreeveslaw.com/blog/children-support-parents/



Pepper said:


> What if the parents were abusers?  No, I don't like this law.  I'll bet it wouldn't stand up to constitutional scrutiny.  Of course, these days, who knows?  I remember screaming at Ed Koch in the street when he was my congressman for proposing this federally.
> 
> eta
> Well, maybe not screaming but I was emphatically objecting.  I had wonderful parents but being forced by the state? No one would have had to force me.....So.  Nah.  Too many parents suck.


Completely agree.  This would be like making parents of adult children financially responsible for their support until death of one or the other.


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## Aneeda72 (Nov 12, 2022)

officerripley said:


> If you can, of course. Sometimes, like with certain family members, you're obligated. In fact, in this state there's even a law that says elderly parents can have the state force any offspring over the age of 18 to financially support them.


I suppose so the state doesn’t have to,


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## StarSong (Nov 12, 2022)

Leann said:


> I saw this today in Instagram and it sums up how I feel at this point in my life:
> 
> _"I can't afford anymore situations in my life that bring out the worst in me. It's exhausting and requires too much for me to recover from.
> I need calmness and gentleness in my life.
> ...


I mostly agree with this post.  

What's helped me: 
I've learned to dodge most political news and conversation and wow, has that dramatically increased my happiness index!  Ditto distancing myself from relatives, friends and neighbors who thrive on drama and negativity.  They love spreading their misery. 

This forum is the only social media I participate in. Facebook nonsense was making me crazy so I just stopped going there. After a couple of weeks I stopped missing it. Truth is, it brought far more angst to my life than joy. 

What don't I agree with in the OP statement? That this is my soft and tender era. All of my eras should have been soft and tender. We all need calmness and gentleness throughout our lives.


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## Paco Dennis (Nov 12, 2022)

I never thought I would live to be 70 but here I am. After getting High Impact Peripheral Neuropathy, even after retiring from working, has changed my life drastically. I am so glad that I am at least gaining information on what is causing it, and many fellow PN patients share how they manage their constant pain. I am lightening my load of emotional/dramatic encounters, and headed into a new phase in life that I never could have anticipated. I have no idea what any other reality there is. My options of activities has been severely limited. So feelings of loss of my abilities are often present, with sadness, and anger. It is like an emotional roller coaster most of the day. Most of all, I never know what to expect even an hour from now. I guess I am finding out what it is like to live in the moment.


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## Jaiden (Nov 12, 2022)

Paco Dennis said:


> I have this feeling that we are not over the ruff era yet. I try not to dwell on negative outcomes. Trying to stay positive at this age and increasing pain is a full time occupation. I am not sure if it will settle down in my lifetime. BUT, I am finding ways to stay positive and participate with others and things like. My Dad once told me, "Buddy, it is no fun getting old".


When anyone would say that it's no fun getting old in front of my grandfather, he would always  say, "Maybe so, but consider the alternative."


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## RandomName (Nov 19, 2022)

I was trying to just mind my own business, pay my bills, mow my lawn and be drama-free (no romantic relationship). That worked for a few years, but then I got lonely for female companionship. Sort of out of nowhere. 

So I started dating again.  I am currently in a romantic relationship with a hot older woman (she is 70, I am 68). She looks 60.  I look 68. 

There is some drama, and some anxiety about our future, but I am way happier than before we started dating.

Yeah, I was all in for the 'please no more drama in my life, just let me chill' option, but it didn't work out for me, lol.


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## hollydolly (Nov 19, 2022)

Jaiden said:


> When anyone would say that it's no fun getting old in front of my grandfather, he would always  say, "Maybe so, but consider the alternative."


the problem is ''the alternative'' is death which means we no longer suffer pain.... a lot might prefer the painless option... just saying..


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## Ronni (Nov 19, 2022)

Leann said:


> I saw this today in Instagram and it sums up how I feel at this point in my life:
> 
> _"I can't afford anymore situations in my life that bring out the worst in me. It's exhausting and requires too much for me to recover from.
> I need calmness and gentleness in my life.
> ...


The situations in my life that brought out the worst in me were not of my making, not under my control, so avoiding future situations isn’t possible. 

The best I could do then, can do now and I to the future, is to choose how I respond to them.


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## NorthernLight (Nov 19, 2022)

Oops, sorry, I misread something, so my response is not relevant.


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## 1955 (Nov 19, 2022)

Nathan said:


> "the yard work can wait until...next season...whenever that may be"


Yeah, I'm at that point too.

I've finally come to grips with myself and have found peace and quiet.


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## officerripley (Nov 19, 2022)

StarSong said:


> California's law is still on the books but has been rendered completely toothless by another code. (*Bolded, below*)
> 
> *California Filial Support Law*
> 
> ...


Wow, StarSong, I didn't know about Code 12350, good to know, thanks. (And no doubt explains why 5 diff. attorneys told me that although they were aware of the Filial Suppt. Law, they'd never heard of it being enforced. )


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## PamfromTx (Nov 20, 2022)

Leann said:


> I saw this today in Instagram and it sums up how I feel at this point in my life:
> 
> _"I can't afford anymore situations in my life that bring out the worst in me. It's exhausting and requires too much for me to recover from.
> I need calmness and gentleness in my life.
> ...


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## down2earth (Dec 2, 2022)

RandomName said:


> I was trying to just mind my own business, pay my bills, mow my lawn and be drama-free (no romantic relationship). That worked for a few years, but then I got lonely for female companionship. Sort of out of nowhere.
> 
> So I started dating again.  I am currently in a romantic relationship with a hot older woman (she is 70, I am 68). She looks 60.  I look 68.
> 
> ...


The only date I would consider at this point grows on palm trees!


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## down2earth (Dec 2, 2022)

The only date I would consider at this point grows on palm trees!


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