# collective grief: have you broken down and cried over all the deaths so far?



## Fiona (Apr 7, 2020)

This morning when I watched NY Governor Andrew Cuomo's daily press conference (I don't live in NY, but I think we can all learn from the lessons NY is learning right now) and saw that over 5700 New Yorkers had died of this virus, my eyes teared up a bit. Afterwards, I went to the Worldometer site and saw that over 81,000 have died worldwide of COVID-19. I broke down and cried for a while.

This wasn't a mood swing from cabin fever. This was grief over human sufffering.

Has it happened, is it happening, to you?

I have a dear friend who lives near me who's a nurse in a short-term rehab unit (stroke victims and the like): she's lost one patient to the virus, had to send another out to a hospital for severe respiratory problems, has 10 more who are symptomatic and awaiting test results, and is now quarantined herself with a sore throat, cough, laryngitis, & ear infections (awaiting test results).

And I have very close friends in northern New Jersey and NYC.

So it's starting to feel personal as well as collective.

Perhaps it's a weird thing to say, but I think those of us who *can* cry, should let our tears flow... I'm not talking about wallowing in bad news. I don't spend more than half an hour a day getting caught up on this topic. I'm talking about dealing with our emotions as they arise—not bottling them up inside until they burst out in an angry outburst or something.

—just an opinion,

Fi


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## RadishRose (Apr 7, 2020)

When I saw some stories of nurses describing what it's like, yes, my eyes stung. I won't let myself break down.


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## Gaer (Apr 7, 2020)

Yes, the grief over human suffering.  Fiona, You have opened the heart of your soul to caring for those outside your own needs.  Your angels are elated!  This tenderness and compassion is a tremendous growth of the soul!  Yes, This has happened to me many times since this began.  This empathy and tenderness reflects the beauty of your soul.  I think many people are experiencing the same thing.  Men, of course, won't admit to feeling this.  But, You're not alone in what you are feeling.


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## PopsnTuff (Apr 7, 2020)

Haven't broke down yet but my heart has, over and over.....its so sad


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## Lee (Apr 7, 2020)

Usually I cry easily over little things but yet now that Fiona has started this post I am now wondering why I have not cried over this...asking myself why and what is wrong with me.


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## Gaer (Apr 7, 2020)

Lee said:


> Usually I cry easily over little things but yet now that Fiona has started this post I am now wondering why I have not cried over this...asking myself why and what is wrong with me.


People react to death, pain, loss in different ways.  Nothing is wrong with you.  From your posts, you're one of the most compassionate people I've encountered.  You're probably a strong,courageous woman!


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## Lee (Apr 7, 2020)

Thank you Gaer....and now I do feel a teardrop. You made me feel so much better.

I think some of us might just be too overwhelmed to cry.


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## C'est Moi (Apr 7, 2020)

No, I haven't.


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 7, 2020)

No, I haven’t.  I rarely cry much and death is a part of life.  Millions die each year of various things. I do tear up over the situation our entire country is in and for what is to come as a nation.  It will change us, as a nation, forever.

It will change the world.  But I am not sure it will be for the better.


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## IrisSenior (Apr 7, 2020)

I have felt very sad over the deaths but not cried yet as I am already overwhelmed with other stuff. I did cry today as I talked to my oldest brother who has dementia and is in a hospital (it's call a reactivation centre while he waits for a long term place to become available) and he doesn't know what is happening and why he can't go home and why I can't visit.


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 7, 2020)

IrisSenior said:


> I have felt very sad over the deaths but not cried yet as I am already overwhelmed with other stuff. I did cry today as I talked to my oldest brother who has dementia and is in a hospital (it's call a reactivation centre while he waits for a long term place to become available) and he doesn't know what is happening and why he can't go home and why I can't visit.


I am sorry for your brother’s condition.  My son with Down’s syndrome does not really understand either.  It is so painful for us whose relatives, for whatever reason, think they are in trouble or unwanted.  I hope it is over soon so you can visit him.


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## Sassycakes (Apr 7, 2020)

*Yes I have cried over everything that is going on in the world today.*


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## hollydolly (Apr 7, 2020)

No I don't believe I've cried over this ..and I'm a very emotional person usually.. 

..However I could have easily cried with utter rage and despair  at the nutters (mainly from the opposition)  reported in the media who were tweeting that they wished for the death of  our PM Boris Johnson who is currently in  the ICU  fighting for his life with the Covid-19 virus ...what is wrong with people that they can wish for a horrible death for someone who has committed no harm to anyone ...


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## Gardenlover (Apr 7, 2020)

My heart is broken over what my oldest son is going through as an ICU nurse in Colorado.


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## Kaila (Apr 7, 2020)

Yes, I have.


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## Gardenlover (Apr 7, 2020)

I humbly, thank you all.


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## Capt Lightning (Apr 8, 2020)

No.  I have felt sad.  I have felt anger at morons trying to score political points instead of offering support. But I try to remain hopeful that we will come through this and get some degree of 'normality' back into our lives.


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## Ruthanne (Apr 8, 2020)

I haven't "broken down" but tears have flown, feelings felt--so many of them which I express in many ways as we all do that.  I have let it out in humor, sarcasm, angst, and really haven't been myself at times.


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## AnnieA (Apr 8, 2020)

I'm not there yet  ...tend to get emotional after a crisis is over.  I need to engage in activity ...escapist or productive while something is ongoing.  So am making masks, gardening, stress eating,  spending time outdoors, spending too much time online, reading, taking long baths.

Learned in counseling that the feelings will come when I'm strong enough.


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## doat (Apr 8, 2020)

Well, I think the emotion meter is pegged for many.  So, if those baby blues are leaking a bit that’s fine.


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## MarciKS (Apr 8, 2020)

What I don't get is this: The officials claim that if you wash your hands and don't touch your face, that you should be fine and that this isn't airborne. Yet they turn around and recommend masks because you COULD get it just breathing.

So with masks in place and all this hand washing how is it all these people keep coming down with it and dying?? Are they just not washing? What?


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## Capt Lightning (Apr 9, 2020)

Unless masks are of very high quality and designed for the purpose, they do not stop you getting the virus, but they do help to protect people around you if you sneeze.


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## toffee (Apr 9, 2020)

the 2 young nurses upset me dying --both with very young children ..


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## fmdog44 (Apr 9, 2020)

More proud of how courageous the medical service people are. Super Heroes indeed.


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## Buckeye (Apr 9, 2020)

Not a single tear.  But that doesn't mean I won't at some point.  Right now grief is in about third place behind boredom and fear of the unknown future


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## Em in Ohio (Apr 9, 2020)

I can't cry - multiple tragedies in a short space of time damaged me.  What I experience is misting up and knots in my guts and over-whelming feelings of ... not sure what word would be right...  but it is disturbing, painful - like I am bleeding for the world.  I wish I could cry.


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## Rosemarie (Apr 9, 2020)

Not broken down,no, but deeply saddened.


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## Fyrefox (Apr 9, 2020)

We can certainly grieve for the many lives taken far too soon, and also grieve for the loss of normality in our lives.  It’s common to experience adjustment reactions during times such as these, as well as to experience anxiety.  Stay in touch with your own feelings, for we all have them, and none of them are wrong in these unprecedented times...


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## OneEyedDiva (Apr 9, 2020)

I'm near tears every time I watch the news. And I did allow myself to cry once. Some of the stories are so heartbreaking...ironic even.  Like the bus driver who complained on Facebook about a person coughing on his bus and not covering that cough. He died a week later. There have been nurses who risked their lives to go in with not enough protection and have died. Most recently I saw that a father on the front lines died on his twin daughters' 10th birthday. They will probably never have happy birthdays again. Here in N.J. we lost a firefighter, a beloved school principal, a doctor, a nurse and other dedicated people to this virus. The sad stories are overwhelming. I also saw last night that a doctor just broke down and cried in the midst of his shift.  I pray for them all on the front lines and the families of those lost.


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## MarciKS (Apr 9, 2020)

fmdog44 said:


> More proud of how courageous the medical service people are. Super Heroes indeed.


Let me tell you, even if we are not on the front line...it is extremely scary going into work every day and not knowing if you're gonna get it because you were exposed to someone who has it but doesn't know. It's scary to wonder if things get bad if everyone will walk off the job and leave a bare bones crew to do it all.  It's just a very bad situation/


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## Keesha (Apr 9, 2020)

Yes!


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## Fiona (Apr 9, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> What I don't get is this: The officials claim that if you wash your hands and don't touch your face, that you should be fine and that this isn't airborne. Yet they turn around and recommend masks because you COULD get it just breathing.



Marci, they're *not* recommending that we wear face coverings (as opposed to masks, which are for health-care workers and others out on the "front lines") in order to protect *ourselves*. They're recommending that we wear face coverings in order to keep from exposing *other people* to the water droplets of varying sizes produced when we talk, sneeze, even just exhale. Any one of us could be infected and not know it because (1) there's an incubation period between start of infection and start of symptoms, and (2) some infections are asymptomatic.

A negative test result doesn't guarantee that you're not infected, either. These tests entail a certain number of false negatives.

We owe it to our fellow human beings to help prevent the spread of the virus, especially to those in the categories of people most vulnerable to serious illness or death. That's why I'm wearing a face covering when I go out in public. It's not about ME: it's about WE.

As for whether it's airborne or not, it depends on how you define "airborne." My own perspective as a retired physician is that any illness that can be transmitted via minute water droplets hanging in the air is, in fact, airborne.


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## Ladybj (Apr 9, 2020)

My heart goes out to them all.  However, I have not broken down and cried.  I am still grieving my sister tragic death. Again. my heart goes out to all that has loss their life and their families.


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## MarciKS (Apr 9, 2020)

I saw an article this morning where an entire nursing home was infected 200+ residents and the staff abandoned them due to lack of PPE. Made me cry this morning. I just can't imagine walking away from people who need you. Especially if their on their death beds with no one there for them. To just leave them. Seems too cruel to me. My boss said there will always be those who walk away and those who step up. I want to be one of the ones that steps up. Someone has to be there to do the job.

It was more than the number I posted. I just went back and looked. Apologize for the error.


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## Pepper (Apr 10, 2020)

@MarciKS 
I'm not going to look it up right now, but I believe I remember this same thing happening during/after Katrina.


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## MarciKS (Apr 10, 2020)

Pepper it's just awful! How can people do that?


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## hollydolly (Apr 10, 2020)

I'm heartbroken for my daughter's dearest  friend, who today has lost her husband to Covid-19..after being hospitalised for something totally unrelated  a few weeks ago , and then catching pneumonia after infection set in on the place where he'd had his surgery , and ultimately  succumbed while in hospital  to Covid-19... an otherwise healthy man, has died just like that....like candle light be blown out .

My daughter is broken-hearted that she can't even go to her friend and comfort her......my normally very stoical, strong , calm, daughter says she was screaming into the mountains where she lives.. to no-one in particular .. . but after she heard of her friends' husbands' death she shouted at the top of her lungs..... quote _''I swear to God if my mum gets this  and  dies and I can't get to her I'll bloody kill you all!!!''_... she said she had no idea who she was ranting to but sheer grief and the thought that she might never get to me if I got it and died while this lock-down is on.. has got her in utter despair...


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