# Is this woman naive, or hopelessly dense?



## applecruncher

Okay, let me start off by saying I have some great friends.  But, over the years as I got older I “cleaned house”.  Have no use for backbiters, whiners, liars, and the perpetually lazy, tardy, or flakey.  (That leaves me with 2 friends….no, j/k )

Anyhoo, about 20 yrs ago I became friendly with a woman who eventually fell into the flakey category.  Over the past few years we kinda ‘drifted’, kwim?

She is now in her late 60s, retired (was actually asked to resign) and apparently doesn’t have much to do with herself.  I got a long email from her and she said she signed up with a dating service but didn’t have much luck.  So she’s discovered the personals on craigslist. :eek1:   WHAT??!! (Have you ever taken a look at those?????  OMG)  Now she’s all giddy about some man who says he’s a retired doctor doing consultant work, said he did some modeling when he was younger, owns property in Hawaii, several horses, and said he wants to take her to Vegas.  (They have never met in person.)  Yet she said she is falling in love.  She said his picture looks like an ad from a magazine.  (_Welllllll, it probably IS from a magazine ad.)_ 
I replied “Glad you’re happy, but be careful.  Take a breath.  Meet in person for coffee in a public place.  Verify his name/address/background.  If he stalls and won’t meet in person, he is probably full of it – married, a con artist, player who is chatting several women up, etc. “  (She already gave him her address because he wanted to send her some imported chocolates.)

She replied that she “knows he is for real because they have talked on the phone”,  and said she was hurt that I’m not more excited for her, and maybe I’m a little jealous.  She then went into a long diatribe about how I never treated her with the respect to which she felt entitled and that she was sorry for taking up my valuable time.

I give up.  (shaking my head, done with her)


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## Ameriscot

He's conning her and she doesn't want to see it.  Probably a waste of time trying to knock some sense into her.  That was really stupid of her to give him her address!  Hope he's not dangerous!


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## tnthomas

applecruncher said:


> Is this woman naïve, or hopelessly dense?



Both.   Good that you're done with her, live is too short to waste on people that are dumb, toxic, dishonest, etc.


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## Kadee

There are quite a few women in there 50s and 60 in Australia, who have been conned out of thousands $ I really can't understand how women of "our" age allow them selfs to be conned / scammed are  they desperate,?? or just blind to the lies. 
Each time I see a story in That's life, magazine or see ANOTHER   Story on a current affair,I just shake my head


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## Shalimar

Wow, AC, what a desperate woman.


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## SeaBreeze

Hope she's not in for a big surprise, but it sounds like it. https://www.seniorforums.com/showth...s-and-Rip-Off-Artists?highlight=dr. phil show


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## applecruncher

I am not against online dating.  I know of a (younger) couple who met thru a dating service and are now happily married and have a baby (after actually dating for over a year).  The only way to get to know someone is to spend a lot of time with him/her in person.

I say safety first, and know how to ask the right questions.  That “property in Hawaii” and “retired doctor now a consultant” could easily be checked out, but it’s most likely a bunch of BS.  If someone is really seriously interested they will make time to at least meet for coffee.  If this guy is so handsome and has such a charmed life what the heck is he doing looking for love on craigslist?

A few years ago I saw a women on Dr. Phil who had been scammed out of $5,000.  She was REALLY attractive, educated, but probably lonely.  Turns out the guy was nothing like he had represented himself to be.  But all things considered, $5,000 is low.  I saw a story on …I think it was Dateline about a woman who had gradually given/”loaned” a man all her inheritance ($400k).  She and the reporter tried to confront him but he ran.  To be honest, I couldn’t feel sorry for her.


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## AprilT

Shalimar said:


> Wow, AC, *what a desperate woman*.



There are a lot of them out there and they do get taken advantage of because they are so desperate, some don't even care that they are being taken advantage of that's how desperate people, not just women, can be at times.  What I mostly feel is sad for their feelings of such overwhelming need to be wanted by someone is for them.  Having repeatedly watched someone be taken time and time again, It greatly angered me for a long time to watch this, but, now I am a little more sympathetic to the person as it seems in their case it's almost like some kind of sickness. I still may get annoyed at first to see it happen, but now, mostly it's very sad to see it when it happens.


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## Shalimar

April, of course you are right, it is easy to give into irritation when someone seems to be stuck in a destructive pattern without taking the time to feel compassion for what may very well be an emotional illness. Food for thought.


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## applecruncher

I agree it's sad.  Sometimes even when red flags and sirens are flashing people want to hang on to hope.


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## jujube

Craigs List?  CRAIGS LIST???  Good God in Heaven, she'll be lucky if he's even a MAN!


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## Kadee

Just a little of topic for one moment , but I was wondering could some one be kind enough to explain to an Aussie What is Craig's list ? A newspaper , Internet ? No I have no intention using it Just curious 
Thanks K.


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## hollydolly

Kadee, Craigslist is a classified advertising forum....it seems to be huge in the USA , and although we have it here in the UK it's never really taken off....we have our own 

I feel sorry for your friend AC..she sounds desperate for a friend and anyone who will find her desirable, so she's probably ignoring her own nagging tiny voice at the back of her head, which is why she got angry at you when you voiced what she _really_ , must know already.

Poor woman she does sound like she's going to be completely taken for a ride, at best it will be her emotions which will be toyed with..at worst..doesn't bear thinking about!!


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## Glinda

Sounds like the poor woman may end up paying for some very expensive "imported chocolates."


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## Ameriscot

I'm certainly not opposed to online dating since I met my husband that way. But you have to use your head!


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## ndynt

Craig's List?  So sad.  This woman probably needs to believe that she has found love so badly, nothing anyone can say will dissuade her.  I have experienced this before.  Despite documents, checks and identities proving to be false, the victims still need to believe.  
About 10 years ago, in my insomniac internet searches I found a forum.  Interesting international group of people.  Sadly though, everyone on it had been scammed.  Mostly by Nigerians or Russians, for very large sums of money. A few 100s of thousands.  These were all educated, intelligent people.  
Feeling so  badly about how many lives had been ruined by scammers, I started scam baiting.  The signs were so obvious that they were trying to scam me,  I am still amazed that people believe scammers.  
Thinking of the stories of those scammed, trying to communicate with scammers long enough to get needed info made me so angry....that I could not do it for very long.


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## Ameriscot

ndynt said:


> Craig's List?  So sad.  This woman probably needs to believe that she has found love so badly, nothing anyone can say will dissuade her.  I have experienced this before.  Despite documents, checks and identities proving to be false, the victims still need to believe.
> About 10 years ago, in my insomniac internet searches I found a forum.  Interesting international group of people.  Sadly though, everyone on it had been scammed.  Mostly by Nigerians or Russians, for very large sums of money. A few 100s of thousands.  These were all educated, intelligent people.
> Feeling so  badly about how many lives had been ruined by scammers, I started scam baiting.  The signs were so obvious that they were trying to scam me,  I am still amazed that people believe scammers.
> Thinking of the stories of those scammed, trying to communicate with scammers long enough to get needed info made me so angry....that I could not do it for very long.



I am just totally gobsmacked that intelligent people fall for this stuff!

I had placed a companion ad 16 years ago (required a fee, not a free ad), and was very wary of anyone who answered analysing anything they said.  When I was communicating with my (future) DH online, friends and coworkers asked me if he said things trying to impress me.  Actually, no he didn't.  Not at all.  I didn't even realize he was a headmaster until I came to the UK to meet him and upon visiting his school saw the sign on his office!


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## Shalimar

I think that some people are so desperately needy that they are willing to suspend logic and disbelief in order to find that magical other that supposedly will make them whole. Sad.


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## Ameriscot

It's very sad.


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## QuickSilver

I have a coworker now that is pining hopelessly for a guy she conversed with on a dating site..  Never met him.. because he is in the Army and has been in Syria for nearly a year..  However, she was conversing with him before he left and at that time he was supposedly stationed just a few miles from her.   She is convinced that when he returns in August, he will whisk her away to his cattle ranch in Colorado and they will ride off into the sunset.   I'm really hoping she will not be disappointed.


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## Ameriscot

QuickSilver said:


> I have a coworker now that is pining hopelessly for a guy she conversed with on a dating site..  Never met him.. because he is in the Army and has been in Syria for nearly a year..  However, she was conversing with him before he left and at that time he was supposedly stationed just a few miles from her.   She is convinced that when he returns in August, he will whisk her away to his cattle ranch in Colorado and they will ride off into the sunset.   I'm really hoping she will not be disappointed.



I know many couples that met online, but I think the majority naively look through rose coloured glasses and get hurt.


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## QuickSilver

Ameriscot said:


> I know many couples that met online, but I think the majority naively look through rose coloured glasses and get hurt.




I know... I met my husband on Match.com.


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## ndynt

QuickSilver said:


> I have a coworker now that is pining hopelessly for a guy she conversed with on a dating site..  Never met him.. because he is in the Army and has been in Syria for nearly a year..  However, she was conversing with him before he left and at that time he was supposedly stationed just a few miles from her.   She is convinced that when he returns in August, he will whisk her away to his cattle ranch in Colorado and they will ride off into the sunset.   I'm really hoping she will not be disappointed.


That is scary.  Especially that they did not meet while he was stationed nearby.  My first reaction is scammer. So many pose as military men or engineers.  Hopefully she has seen him on webcam, several times in several situations.  For they have videos of webcam conversations, that they use.  Of course, it is always the same video.  So they cannot use it more than a couple times.  Then there is always a reason that they are unable to use a webcam.  Enough....I could go on and on.  The whole topic is so very sad.


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## Ameriscot

QuickSilver said:


> I know... I met my husband on Match.com.



And mine on a site that was bought by Match.com later.


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## QuickSilver

There's an old saying.. If something sounds too good to be true... It's usually NOT true.    With my husband.. practically nothing about him sounded too good to be true.. His financial situation, his employment situation, his looks... however, he was just a nice man and he was widowed just 6 days before I was widowed..  That's it.. Oh. and he had been in the medical profession of decades.  So on that basis, we met for brunch at IHOP  and the rest  is history.  We will be married 12 years in July.


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## Ameriscot

QuickSilver said:


> There's an old saying.. If something sounds too good to be true... It's usually NOT true.    With my husband.. practically nothing about him sounded too good to be true.. His financial situation, his employment situation, his looks... however, he was just a nice man and he was widowed just 6 days before I was widowed..  That's it.. Oh. and he had been in the medical profession of decades.  So on that basis, we met for brunch at IHOP  and the rest  is history.  We will be married 12 years in July.



15 tomorrow for us.  How long between first online contact and getting married, QS?

Mine wasn't quite so easy for meeting up.  Had to fly to the UK!


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## ndynt

Ameriscot said:


> And mine on a site that was bought by Match.com later.





QuickSilver said:


> I know... I met my husband on Match.com.


Ahhh Interesting to know just how you ended up married to a Scotsman, AM.  How wonderful to hear of some successes.  Congratulations to both of you.


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## QuickSilver

We made contact the last week in October 2002 and we were married July 12, 2003..  So it was pretty quick.   But I think when you are older, you have more of an instinct for the type of person you can be with..  In our case it was comfortable and easy from the very start.


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## Ameriscot

QuickSilver said:


> We made contact the last week in October 2002 and we were married July 12, 2003..  So it was pretty quick.   But I think when you are older, you have more of an instinct for the type of person you can be with..  In our case it was comfortable and easy from the very start.



We'd both been married twice and had grown kids, so we weren't starry eyed and unrealistic.  He answered my ad in Oct 1999 and we married in April 2000.  The long separations between his 6 week school holidays was getting too much!


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## Ameriscot

ndynt said:


> Ahhh Interesting to know just how you ended up married to a Scotsman, AM.  How wonderful to hear of some successes.  Congratulations to both of you.



Thanks!  Ah, yes, my Scotsman.  To make a long story short, I had fallen in love with Ireland on a solo trip in 1998 and thought an Irish husband could be very nice so why not take a gamble and see what happens.  Annual ad for $99 placed in the Ireland section of the dating site.  About 11 months later I wondered if it was a waste of time to renew it.  Then my Scotsman replied.  He liked my ad although he was only looking for online friends and he wished me luck finding a nice Irishman.  Lots of long emails then daily phone calls.  Click click click.  Couldn't wait for xmas holidays to meet him so flew over Thanksgiving week (which he didn't have off of course!).  He made 3 week long trips to see me in the US.  By Feb I had my fiancee visa, and Easter holidays got married. Oh, right, I said short story!  Not possible.


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## ndynt

Like fairy tales...two beautiful stories, AM and QS.   Thank you both for sharing them.


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## Ameriscot

ndynt said:


> Like fairy tales...two beautiful stories, AM and QS.   Thank you both for sharing them.



That's what people I worked with at the time said.  I was told I was 'glowing' all the time for months.


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## applecruncher

Kadee46 said:


> Just a little of topic for one moment , but I was wondering could some one be kind enough to explain to an Aussie What is Craig's list ? A newspaper , Internet ? No I have no intention using it Just curious
> Thanks K.



Kadee, to expand on what holly said, Craigslist is a free online classified ads site. People buy/sell cars, furniture, computers…..all kinds of things. They also have rentals, job ads and “personals”. For a longtime craigslist had a decent reputation, then there were problems

- A man advertised jobs that didn’t exist, lured men to a remote location and killed them. He was caught. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/02/us/three-lured-to-death-in-ohio-by-craigslist-job-ad.html
- A man called the “Craigslist Killer” met women at hotels and killed them. After several murders he was caught and committed suicide in jail. His name was Philip Markoff
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_Markoff
- Their personal ads have been criticized because while many are okay, others are sleazy and some people post nude pics.
- In some cities people advertise something they want to sell and when the respondent meets them them get robbed/beaten.
- There have been cases of people selling dogs they’ve stolen. Same with computers and cell phones.
- I was prowling thru the site a couple years ago and saw where a woman posted that she needed to pay her rent and buy Xmas presents for her kids. She said “if several good-hearted people will chip in to help me out, I’ll meet you at (fast food restaurant”. (yeah, good luck with that) 

If you're curious you can google "craigslist (name of city in US)".


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## Louis

applecruncher said:


> Okay, let me start off by saying I have some great friends.  But, over the years as I got older I “cleaned house”.  Have no use for backbiters, whiners, liars, and the perpetually lazy, tardy, or flakey.  (That leaves me with 2 friends….no, j/k )
> 
> Anyhoo, about 20 yrs ago I became friendly with a woman who eventually fell into the flakey category.  Over the past few years we kinda ‘drifted’, kwim?
> 
> 
> She is now in her late 60s, retired (was actually asked to resign) and apparently doesn’t have much to do with herself.  I got a long email from her and she said she signed up with a dating service but didn’t have much luck.  So she’s discovered the personals on craigslist. :eek1:   WHAT??!! (Have you ever taken a look at those?????  OMG)  Now she’s all giddy about some man who says he’s a retired doctor doing consultant work, said he did some modeling when he was younger, owns property in Hawaii, several horses, and said he wants to take her to Vegas.  (They have never met in person.)  Yet she said she is falling in love.  She said his picture looks like an ad from a magazine.  (_Welllllll, it probably IS from a magazine ad.)_
> I replied “Glad you’re happy, but be careful.  Take a breath.  Meet in person for coffee in a public place.  Verify his name/address/background.  If he stalls and won’t meet in person, he is probably full of it – married, a con artist, player who is chatting several women up, etc. “  (She already gave him her address because he wanted to send her some imported chocolates.)
> 
> She replied that she “knows he is for real because they have talked on the phone”,  and said she was hurt that I’m not more excited for her, and maybe I’m a little jealous.  She then went into a long diatribe about how I never treated her with the respect to which she felt entitled and that she was sorry for taking up my valuable time.
> 
> I give up.  (shaking my head, done with her)



If this man is a retired doctor, owns property in Hawaii, is as handsome as a model, owns horses and can afford to take her to Vegas etc. etc. what the hell does he need Craigslist for? Women would be kicking his door down to get at him. 

Sadly your friend is clueless and desperate.


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## jujube

Craigslist is the venue of choice for cons of all kind.   The first year I discovered Craigslist, I responded to a plea by a young mother for a Christmas tree and presents for her son.  I met her and gave her a Christmas tree, some very distinctive ornaments and a few presents.  She had the tree and decorations for sale on Craigslist the next morning.  Who knows what she did with the presents.  I'm not as much a sucker now as I used to be.


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## ndynt

Jujube...how sad.  It appears the world is becoming a stranger and stranger place, with the need to always look over your shoulder.  I would so much rather to be able to just look for the good in others.


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## Shalimar

Ndynt, I try to look for the good in others, just a little careful when it comes to money.


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## Kadee

applecruncher said:


> Kadee, to expand on what holly said, Craigslist is a free online classified ads site. People buy/sell cars, furniture, computers…..all kinds of things. They also have rentals, job ads and “personals”. For a longtime craigslist had a decent reputation, then there were problems
> 
> - A man advertised jobs that didn’t exist, lured men to a remote location and killed them. He was caught. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/02/us/three-lured-to-death-in-ohio-by-craigslist-job-ad.html
> - A man called the “Craigslist Killer” met women at hotels and killed them. After several murders he was caught and committed suicide in jail. His name was Philip Markoff
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_Markoff
> - Their personal ads have been criticized because while many are okay, others are sleazy and some people post nude pics.
> - In some cities people advertise something they want to sell and when the respondent meets them them get robbed/beaten.
> - There have been cases of people selling dogs they’ve stolen. Same with computers and cell phones.
> - I was prowling thru the site a couple years ago and saw where a woman posted that she needed to pay her rent and buy Xmas presents for her kids. She said “if several good-hearted people will chip in to help me out, I’ll meet you at (fast food restaurant”. (yeah, good luck with that)
> 
> If you're curious you can google "craigslist (name of city in US)".



Thank you , We have a very similar web site called Gumtree the site tries hard to keep the site free of scammers/ crooks .

Just over a year ago I purchased a newer second hand car, and advertised my older car on G/T , I received a text asking me to respond to a email address and because I rarely use G/ T I responded but soon realised I was dealing with a scammer, I deleted the add and two weeks latter re advertised the car again only to receive another text from the same number , but a different name , and a sob story how they were working off shore and wanted the 20 year old car for their father , well if they were working off shore on an oil rig they would be able to afford a new car !!! 
I contacted G/T and reported both texts to them they I turn advised me to report it to the police , which I did and was advised that indeed some local people had lost a boat to the scam (The scammers ask you to arrange transport of the car, boat, item ?) Then send you what appears to be a Pay Pal confirmation that money has been put in your bank , but in reality they are only after your banking details, Don't really know what happens to the item people who get caught by the Scam send in the end the owners are the ones who end up paying for the transport.

S/F is great we can learn something new everyday...


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## halalu

Ameriscot said:


> I'm certainly not opposed to online dating since I met my husband that way. But you have to use your head!



Since you met your husband online dating; Can you give me some info about how to communicate and date online? I am afraid to post a picture. A couple of the men posted telephone numbers and wanted me to call them, is that something I should do? I think they want calls because they don't like typing. How should online dating be done?


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## ndynt

Halalu, would you want a stranger to have your telephone number? Unless you call them so they can not tell what your number is... are you aware they can do a reverse search.  And obtain your address, email, see your home, how much it is worth, all the sites you use, any pictures you have ever posted online ect., ect.


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## jujube

Online dating is a crap shoot.....sometimes you roll a 2,3 or 12 and crap out....sometimes you get the 7 or 11 and get a natural.  

It took me quite a while to meet Mister Right with online dating.  First I had to meet Mister Sleazy and his cousins Mister Weird, Mister Aggressive,  Mister Disappearing, Mister Bitter, Mister Depressed, Mister Broke, Mister Looking-for-a-Nurse, Mister Cheap, Mister Dying, Mister Still-Married-But-His-Wife-Doesn't-Understand-Him and several others of his kin.  I actually had three dates one Sunday (breakfast, lunch and dinner) and they were *ALL* the wrong Misters.  

I was about to give up and enter a convent - lol - but I gave it one more try and ended up with the great guy I've been with for almost six years now.  So they ARE out there.....you just have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the prince. 

Just don't get discouraged.  It takes work.


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## applecruncher

halalu said:


> Since you met your husband online dating; Can you give me some info about how to communicate and date online? I am afraid to post a picture. A couple of the men posted telephone numbers and wanted me to call them, is that something I should do? I think they want calls because they don't like typing. How should online dating be done?



I would advise against calling them.  I don’t think it has anything to do with them not wanting to type.  They probably just want to talk and talk and find about all about you and “court” you by phone. Keep in mind anyone can get a cheap cell disposable cell phone and pretend to be someone different from who they are, and while there are many success troeies the fact remains that lots of married people and players use online dating sites.

Online dating is a misnomer.  It’s actually online meeting/connecting. It’s not possible to date online. Emails, phone calls, texting is NOT dating. The only way to date is to spend time in person with the person.  But most people want to see a current photo.

Be leery of people who stall an in-person meeting because they are sooooo “busy”.  If they’re that busy then they don’t have time to spend on a dating site and they certainly don’t have time for a relationship.


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## halalu

Thanks!


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## Ameriscot

Only use a paid dating service in which the responders have to join and pay to reply to ad. Post a photo or most will assume the reason you don't is that you look horrible. Do not ever post a phone number. Meet in a public place after a lot of communication. My ad was for a different country so was more complicated.


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## QuickSilver

I'm not sure how all sites work, but on Match, you could communicate via email however, your actual email addy was hidden and responders only saw the match.com email addy..    Most people communicate in this manner until they feel comfortable in going a step farther.. usually meeting in a very public place.   I met my present husband at IHOP for a late breakfast date on a Sunday, so it was packed with people.   I also picked a location far away from my neighborhood just in case he was a weirdo who decided to try to follow me home.   I gave instructions to by best friend to call me on my cell during the meeting, and set up code words for "everything is fine"  or "Call the cops!!"    So you can take precautions to make sure you stay safe.   BUT.. remember, it isn't any more dangerous than going out and meeting someone at a bar or anywhere else.  It's a crap shoot..  however, if you never put yourself out there, you aren't going to meet anyone.


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## Ameriscot

QuickSilver said:


> I'm not sure how all sites work, but on Match, you could communicate via email however, your actual email addy was hidden and responders only saw the match.com email addy..    Most people communicate in this manner until they feel comfortable in going a step farther.. usually meeting in a very public place.   I met my present husband at IHOP for a late breakfast date on a Sunday, so it was packed with people.   I also picked a location far away from my neighborhood just in case he was a weirdo who decided to try to follow me home.   I gave instructions to by best friend to call me on my cell during the meeting, and set up code words for "everything is fine"  or "Call the cops!!"    So you can take precautions to make sure you stay safe.   BUT.. remember, it isn't any more dangerous than going out and meeting someone at a bar or anywhere else.  It's a crap shoot..  however, if you never put yourself out there, you aren't going to meet anyone.



My friends and my (future) husband's friends and colleagues warned us that the other could be an ax murderer, so be careful.  Funny how everyone thinks of ax murderers.  Hubby was also warned that Americans love guns, so be careful.  layful:


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## QuickSilver

Funny how everyone thinks everyone else online has some sort of nefarious history and intentions... while thinking it's fine to meet a stranger at a bar, or a club, or at the supermarket and they are somehow safer..


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## maddyathome

Well, we have a lot more information when we look at someone in person - facial expression, tone of voice, style, gait and general demeanour. Our instinct might tell us to steer clear. (Unfortunately mine never did though!)


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## Ameriscot

I found that I got to know my husband better by email and phone calls that I would have in person.  Looks and hormones didn't get in the way of getting to know the real person.  I was 99% sure he was 'it' before i met him in person.


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## QuickSilver

maddyathome said:


> Well, we have a lot more information when we look at someone in person - facial expression, tone of voice, style, gait and general demeanour. Our instinct might tell us to steer clear. (Unfortunately mine never did though!)



Seriously.... most sociopaths are very good at deceit..  even in person.


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## applecruncher

QuickSilver said:


> Funny how everyone thinks everyone else online has some sort of nefarious history and intentions... while thinking it's fine to meet a stranger at a bar, or a club, or at the supermarket and they are somehow safer..



Not “everyone” thinks that “everyone” online is nefarious – if that were true no one would ever meet with anyone they connected with online.

A bar, restaurant, supermarket, office, church are just venues – the point is to use caution online and to use common sense, check people out, and trust your gut regardless of where you first connect with them.



> Seriously.... most sociopaths are very good at deceit.. even in person.



Yes, they are. And a surprising number of people are manipulated by sociopaths.

But once I grew up and learned some things the hard way, my instincts became finely tuned. I learned to spot them and steer clear – even in the case of someone who is overly anxious to get close/get into my life, a sociopathic relative or co-worker. With a sociopathic boss who has power, the solution is to look for another job.

Dr. Phil had a show and also wrote a book “Life Code” which talks about liars, scammers, backstabbers, etc. He talked about how often people get taken in because they were taught to be nice, do the Christian thing, give people the benefit of the doubt, ignore the red flags…..so they can feel like a “good person”. Big mistake.


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## Shalimar

I think it can be challenging to walk the line between gullibility and cynicism. Most of my career was far more predicated on my ability to read people than any skill sets I may have acquired. That said, there were times I misread the cues, and one instance where there simply were none. This psychopath had successfully bamboozled no less than three psychiatrists in their lifetime. She was that good! By all means exercise caution, and good judgement, but there are no absolutes. Most people are genuine, a few are not, but it is still worth it to reach out, in my opinion.


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## applecruncher

It’s true that one can misread people (in either a positive or negative way).  Experiences or things you’ve heard/read about can taint a person.  It’s happened to me, but I do try not to be suspicious of everyone.  That’s not a pleasant way to live.

I was always very careful about who I chose to date/allow into my home.  But years ago I let down my guard and decided to trust a man I liked very much.  (There were a couple of red flags but I looked past them.)  Things fizzled and I cut off contact. Long to short he became freaky and stalkerish.  Despite his demeanor and appearance, he was a nut and just would not leave me alone.  I had to get the police involved.

Oh, when I was talking about the Dr. Phil show I meant to say he wasn’t just pontificating.  He talked about someone who worked for him and his wife and the person stole $100,000.


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## Shalimar

I hear, you, AC. What a horrible experience you must have had. Stalkers are unstable and terrifying, so pleased  that you are ok.


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## Kadee

This man lives not far from me but he hasn't learned much from his experienc
*Scam victim lucky to be alive
*


A SOUTH AUSTRALIAN farmer held hostage in Africa for 12 days in an internet bride scam has returned home, saying he is lucky to be alive.
Des Gregor, 56, of Hoyleton, arrived at Adelaide Airport last night after being freed from his African captors, who were ultimately duped by police.
Mr Gregor travelled to Mali last month to meet his supposed bride and collect a dowry of $100,000 in gold.
But on his arrival on July 27 he was kidnapped by a gang, beaten, stripped, had his cash and credit cards taken, and was held hostage at a flat in Bamako, the capital. He was told he would have his limbs hacked off with a machete unless he arranged a $100,000 ransom.
Mr Gregor was freed last Thursday when Australian Federal Police persuaded the kidnappers there was money to be collected by their captive from the Canadian embassy in Bamako.
The gang briefly released him and police rescued him.
"I especially thank the Australian Federal Police for the effort that they put in and also the Mali police," Mr Gregor said. "They did a fantastic job in conjunction with the AFP, and if it wasn't for them I reckon another couple of days and I wouldn't have returned."
Mr Gregor said he was beaten with a machete and bound by the legs when he was held captive, in a one-room flat.
When he arrived in Mali he had no suspicion he was a victim of a con, he said.
"The first indication I had that there was something wrong was when we got to the flat, they called out for somebody's name and the person that was supposed to meet me weren't there.
"We walked in and there was one bloke with [what] I would say [was] a home-made pistol and another one with a machete."
Mr Gregor said he was given "a good belting with a machete. I still have the scars to prove that.
He gave them what he had, he said. "They then made me strip. That is when they got the wallet and that had $A675 in it."
Mr Gregor arrived in Adelaide with none of his possessions and issued a warning to others seeking love over the internet. "Just be careful, make sure you check everything out 100 per cent."
*AAP*


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## applecruncher

Shalimar said:


> I hear, you, AC. What a horrible experience you must have had. Stalkers are unstable and terrifying, so pleased that you are ok.




Thanks, and just to clarify that was not an online dating experience.


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## 911

I think most people should have learned something from the "Craigslist Killer." I have aided in investigations that ended tragically for people that have met other people online. Some relationships do turn out good, but I would be suspicious of people that brag about what they have and make themselves sound like they are millionaires waiting for Mrs. Right to come along. 

The horror stories that I could tell would sicken some and that's not my intent. Just be careful and take things slow.


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## Butterfly

jujube said:


> Craigs List?  CRAIGS LIST???  Good God in Heaven, she'll be lucky if he's even a MAN!



And not some axe murderer or worse!!  Doesn't she read the news or anything???


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## Dreamplanter

I have also seen women on Dr Phil who have sent thousands of dollars to a man they never met, but they LOVE him...Seriously?  And he loves them so much.  But his money is tied up in Rhodesia or somewhere in Africa.  Riiiight.   Let's be honest, if the man was that rich and good looking, why would he be interested in a middle-aged woman no matter how attractive she may be?  I don't understand how gullible women can be.


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## applecruncher

Dreamplanter said:


> I have also seen women on Dr Phil who have sent thousands of dollars to a man they never met, but they LOVE him...Seriously? And he loves them so much. But his money is tied up in Rhodesia or somewhere in Africa. Riiiight. Let's be honest, if the man was that rich and good looking, why would he be interested in a middle-aged woman no matter how attractive she may be? I don't understand how gullible women can be.



Nothing wrong with middle-aged women and it’s not always about Africa.  Sometimes the men say they’re waiting on their assets to be liquidated, or waiting for the closing on a big real estate deal, or there have been delays on an inheritance.  It’s BS anyway you slice it.  I saw a story on Dateline or 20/20 where a woman “loaned” some guy hundreds of thousands of dollars over the course of about a year.  He never repaid her and she kept giving him money.  They finally tracked him down and a reporter went with her to confront him, but he wouldn’t open his door.

In many cases they’ve never met in person.  It’s all based on online communication and phone calls.  The desperation to get a man and have a romance results in ignoring the red flags.


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## Ameriscot

Dreamplanter said:


> I have also seen women on Dr Phil who have sent thousands of dollars to a man they never met, but they LOVE him...Seriously?  And he loves them so much.  But his money is tied up in Rhodesia or somewhere in Africa.  Riiiight.   Let's be honest, if the man was that rich and good looking, why would he be interested in a middle-aged woman no matter how attractive she may be?  I don't understand how gullible women can be.



You are probably referring to all the scams coming from Nigeria.  There has not been a country called Rhodesia since 1980.


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## deesierra

She is neither naive nor hopelessly dense.....she is desperately lonely and out of touch with reality. She's an energy vampire and probably will never learn. It was in your best interest to stop communication.


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## Dreamplanter

The postings above are NOT the ones scammed.


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## Shalimar

I don't understand?


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## fureverywhere

It's sad that there are so many people baiting people on any personals site. I remember back in the day. Personals were posted in the paper and people would write actual real live notes on paper to a PO box. Quaint I know, but you could at least weed by horrendous spelling or childish handwriting. But even then you really didn't know who you were dealing with. Now the anonymity of the internet opens a whole new kettle of fish...very dangerous out there.


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## Manatee

The best thing you can do for her is wait until she isn't looking and unplug her computer.


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## applecruncher

Manatee said:


> The best thing you can do for her is wait until she isn't looking and unplug her computer.



Nah - She is many miles away, the friendship is over, and I wouldn't touch her computer with a 10 ft. pole. I really don't want anything to do with her. (This happened a long time ago.)


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## fureverywhere

Then there are so many women who marry lifers...men who will be away for life. I don't understand but I guess it works for them.


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## applecruncher

You mean men who are in prison for life? (I think the Menendez brothers have wives.)

I don't understand it, but I don't have to. :shrug:


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## Karen99

I saw a show about Prison Wives...some kind of reality show.  I'm astounded these woman arrange their whole life around a convicted murderer in prison.  In every case they were convinced their hubby was innocent no matter how much evidence was presented.


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## nitelite

This woman is desperate for attention and it has blinded her from reality. Hopefully she has shared her story with family that will intervene. I hope she doesn't have a large amount of money and assets because they'll all be gone if she does not come to her senses.


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## Yaya

Most people learn a lot after 60+ years of life experiences that will benefit many others. Sadly, some never really grow up mentally, emotionally or in the common sense area. I hope she does not learn from this experience too late.


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