# Moved to new state and not happy - what next?



## grapenutpudding (Aug 24, 2017)

Well, I am beginning to feel like I'm going crazy. I underestimated how difficult it would be to move to a new city alone at age 60. I've been here about 7 months, can't say I really like it but not sure if I need to give it more time. I haven't been really digging in to life here because part of me is wondering if I should go somewhere else. 

I sold my apt. and left a place that was home for 20+ years because I really wanted to get out of there for many reasons. I had a couple of friends  as well as a few acquaintances there. I don't really miss the area but am realizing it gave me stability.

I am very homesick for where I grew up and wonder if I should move there, but I don't really have anyone there anymore...my mother died a few years ago and I am estranged from my sister who is there. But that's where my heart is. I think some of the homesickness is yearning for what I had there and lost with loss of family.

Now I am feeling really ungrounded, partly from being alone and partly from being uprooted. I go round and round in my head about what to do and come up blank...give it more time here, go back to where I was most of my adult life and try to resurrect a life there, or go back to area where I grew up and like but have nothing but memories there. Nothing feels right.

I feel I've made a mess of my life now and worry that there's no place for me anywhere now. Can anyone relate?


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## Lon (Aug 24, 2017)

Not knowing anything about you (Profiles helps) makes it very difficult to relate or give advice. Single, married, widow,divorced, working, what state etc. etc.


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## Falcon (Aug 24, 2017)

Good point Lon.    (Other members should take the hint  and fill out their profile.   Helps all of us; even though not required.)


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## grapenutpudding (Aug 24, 2017)

Thanks...just joined and didn't see the profile. I did fill some of it out but not sure how the locations I'm talking about matter.


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## Camper6 (Aug 24, 2017)

grapenutpudding said:


> Well, I am beginning to feel like I'm going crazy. I underestimated how difficult it would be to move to a new city alone at age 60. I've been here about 7 months, can't say I really like it but not sure if I need to give it more time. I haven't been really digging in to life here because part of me is wondering if I should go somewhere else.
> 
> I sold my apt. and left a place that was home for 20+ years because I really wanted to get out of there for many reasons. I had a couple of friends  as well as a few acquaintances there. I don't really miss the area but am realizing it gave me stability.
> 
> ...



You know what?  You are too hard on yourself.  I can sympathize with you.

You need to get out and have some fun somewhere.  I don't know if you are a golfer, but that's a start.  You will be guaranteed to make some friends on a golf course.

Join a group of some sort.  A lodge perhaps.  A coffee club gang.  A fitness club. 

Just getting out among other people can relieve the symptoms of being ungrounded even if you don't know them. Somewhere to go something to do.


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## Falcon (Aug 24, 2017)

Just _general_  location;  USA,  Canada,  Europe,  Australia  etc.

Many of us have it on our  posts;  like mine :California.


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## Lon (Aug 24, 2017)

You are making it very difficult to be of help given how little we know. Were you married? Do you have children? Do you work? Did you work? What kind? What is your favorite all time movie? What is the last book that you read?
Where did you go on your last vacation? HELP US OUT. Are you a INTROVERT?


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## grapenutpudding (Aug 24, 2017)

I see your point and I do have some social contact where I live and that helps. But I think I'm just so confused about where I belong that it seems to take over my thoughts and feelings. I just want to settle down somewhere and have a better life but because I don't really like it here that much, in the back of my mind I am probably pretty sure I will be leaving eventually. I feel so betwixt and between and it's driving me crazy. But I don't know where to go. It even sounds crazy to me.


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## Camper6 (Aug 24, 2017)

grapenutpudding said:


> I see your point and I do have some social contact where I live and that helps. But I think I'm just so confused about where I belong that it seems to take over my thoughts and feelings. I just want to settle down somewhere and have a better life but because I don't really like it here that much, in the back of my mind I am probably pretty sure I will be leaving eventually. I feel so betwixt and between and it's driving me crazy. But I don't know where to go. It even sounds crazy to me.



I know what you are going through because I had the same experience.  It's difficult to concentrate on the simplest things.

Your mind is being stressed.  Have faith in yourself.  You are a survivor.


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## grapenutpudding (Aug 24, 2017)

Lon said:


> You are making it very difficult to be of help given how little we know. Were you married? Do you have children? Do you work? Did you work? What kind? What is your favorite all time movie? What is the last book that you read?
> Where did you go on your last vacation? HELP US OUT. Are you a INTROVERT?



I appreciate what you are saying but honestly I don't know what my favorite movie or book has to do with my situation. I have no children, I was married many years ago for a short time but have lived alone since divorcing. I am somewhat introverted but again not sure what that has to do with what I've written. My situation is probably not one you can relate to and that's fine...but thank you for writing and trying to offer help.


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## Camper6 (Aug 24, 2017)

Unless you experience it you have no idea what it's like.

Daily.  Write everything down that you have to do that day.

That's helps because you don't have to remember everything.


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## Happyflowerlady (Aug 24, 2017)

It sounds like you need to take some time to work out where it is that you want to live the most, and even though you are not happy right now where you are, rushing into a decision and moving probably won't make it any better. 
Sometimes, these things are just plain hard, and I can relate to what you are saying and feeling, Grapenutpudding. 
I grew up in Idaho, moved around a lot, loved the Pacific Coast of Washington and Oregon; but now am living in Alabama because this is where my daughter lives. 
My heart lives in Idaho (and always will); but I know I can't handle the snow and below zero temperatures in the winter, and I never want to drive on any more icy roads again. 
I would love to live out near the Pacific Ocean; but none of my family is there.  So, here I am, and this is probably where I will stay. 
If something happened to my daughter, I would be looking at the same dilemma as you are. Besides, my husband has said that he will NEVER move anywhere ever again. 
If you can make the trip back to the area where you grew up and spend even a week there, you might be able to have a better idea whether that is where you want to live or not, 
You moved from where you were before; so you must have had a good reason to just pack up and move from there. 
If nothing else; you can always take a sheet of paper and start writing down all of the benefits of each place, and then all of the drawbacks to each one, and see how the lists look once you get done.


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## SeaBreeze (Aug 24, 2017)

grapenutpudding said:


> Well, I am beginning to feel like I'm going crazy. I underestimated how difficult it would be to move to a new city alone at age 60. I've been here about 7 months, can't say I really like it but not sure if I need to give it more time. I haven't been really digging in to life here because part of me is wondering if I should go somewhere else.
> 
> I sold my apt. and left a place that was home for 20+ years because I really wanted to get out of there for many reasons. I had a couple of friends  as well as a few acquaintances there. I don't really miss the area but am realizing it gave me stability.
> 
> ...



Hi Grapenutpudding, welcome!  I don't think 7 months is enough time to judge anything, especially if you've had a negative attitude and not getting into it there.  I would recommend that you start a new day tomorrow, new positive outlook and be open-minded.  Keep in mind that you really don't miss the other area where you lived, so leave it in the past and live for the now and the future.

I don't think you'll be better off trying to revive a life where you used to live, or going back to  where you grew up.  You sound like you're torn inside for sure, but just take a deep breath and relax.  Give your new environment a fair chance, I don't think you'll regret it.  Leave your old way of thinking behind, it's holding you back. You weren't that happy before you moved, so it's crazy to even think about going back there.

I agree with what Camper said, you're being too hard on yourself first of all.  You haven't made a mess of your life, so it's best not to think that way and exaggerate things.  Getting out around people is priority, join a gym or do some dance classes with other people.  Join a senior group that visits local attractions or takes in movies, etc.  Whatever you might enjoy, find a way to meet a friend and go from there.  Just taking a walk in a local park and chatting with someone can lead to lunch, or an outing.  

Get out from under your grey cloud, leave the past behind and stay positive.  You'll feel so much better about yourself and your situation will get better quickly.  But....you have to decide to do it, decide to do it now, tear down your wall and make your tomorrow a new beginning. Buy a couple of nice plants for the house, buy yourself a colorful shirt, get a new hairdo or color.   Remember, we're here to talk to, so let us know your progress. :love_heart:


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## RadishRose (Aug 24, 2017)

Packing up and moving is one of the most stressful things in life; right up there with divorce. At our age, it's even more difficult; only kids can adjust rapidly. 

So give yourself a break, you're not going crazy. Maybe give it a little more time and make an effort to meet people as was suggested.

What attracted you to the particular area you moved to in the first place? Are there friends there? If so, invite them over. I wish you luck and if you really can't stand the area, then you'll have to decide where you'll get the most human inter reaction.


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## jujube (Aug 24, 2017)

Welcome, Grapenutpudding.  Give yourself a time goal, say to the end of the 12 months,  and if you aren't happier then, make a change.  Having a time frame may give you some relief in the present and allow you to make plans.


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## maggiemae (Aug 24, 2017)

Your only 60?  That is too young to just give up.  Go out and make some new friends in your new area.  You might be surprised how many have your same feelings.  But then again, maybe you need to go home and face whatever demons are waiting.  You will never know unless you take that chance.  What is the worse that can happen?  You go on with your life whatever direction it takes you.  I think we have all had regrets at some point in our lives but doing something about it speaks volumes!   Make a list of pros and cons for each situation and just go for it!


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## terry123 (Aug 25, 2017)

Try your local library.  Ours have adult discussion groups, day trips and exercise groups.  Good place to meet other people!!


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## grapenutpudding (Aug 25, 2017)

terry123 said:


> Try your local library.  Ours have adult discussion groups, day trips and exercise groups.  Good place to meet other people!!



Good advice, thank you but this isn't so much about meeting people. I live in a place where we have a group coffee in the mornings and a happy hour once a week. I do need more connections but I'm so preoccupied about where to live and what I've lost. And I  pretty much know this city isn't a fit for me. But will give it another 6 months.


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## grapenutpudding (Aug 25, 2017)

Camper6 said:


> I know what you are going through because I had the same experience.  It's difficult to concentrate on the simplest things.
> 
> Your mind is being stressed.  Have faith in yourself.  You are a survivor.



Thanks - I'll try and stay strong.


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## grapenutpudding (Aug 25, 2017)

Happyflowerlady said:


> It sounds like you need to take some time to work out where it is that you want to live the most, and even though you are not happy right now where you are, rushing into a decision and moving probably won't make it any better.
> Sometimes, these things are just plain hard, and I can relate to what you are saying and feeling, Grapenutpudding.
> I grew up in Idaho, moved around a lot, loved the Pacific Coast of Washington and Oregon; but now am living in Alabama because this is where my daughter lives.
> My heart lives in Idaho (and always will); but I know I can't handle the snow and below zero temperatures in the winter, and I never want to drive on any more icy roads again.
> ...



I would imagine having family helps and being near them is a good reason to be where you are despite preferring other locales. I guess since I feel utterly alone now with no real connection to this new city (which I chose sight unseen because of lower cost of living and closer to New England where I grew up), it feels strange to be here and I keep questioning whether or not it's for me and don't find myself really settling in. I am really longing for the familiar and comfortable and finding the process of adjusting to a new environment difficult. I've moved a lot in the past and it was easier and I didn't expect this I guess. So part of me thinks of going back to WA where it's familiar and I have a couple of friends but I did want to leave that place and if I did go back I'd choose a different area.

I did go and live where I grew up for almost a year when my mother needed help in 2013/2014 and I enjoyed being there and wanted to move back to be closer to her but then she died and it threw me for a loop. But I still felt attracted to the area and visited it again last year but due to things not going well with my sister, I sort of figured it's better not to move back. So...here I am, in a place I don't really like and just wanting to feel at home somewhere. I agree a list of pros and cons might help me clarify some of my feelings about each place. Thank you Happyflowerlady.


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## Shalimar (Aug 25, 2017)

Anxiety can make the best of us feel crazy. Under the circumstances, it is perfectly normal  that you feel as you do. What works for me when my head swirls at 90 miles an hour, and I can barely think, is to do one thing a day. Just one, doesn't really matter much what it is. The purpose is to build a building block, a small piece of 

order amongst the spinning chaos. Over time, my spins decrease, it is easier to face the days, I am able to do more,  and my thinking begins to clear. Then I can begin to make decisions. I have learned to avoid making big decisions while I am overwhelmed.


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## grapenutpudding (Aug 25, 2017)

SeaBreeze said:


> Hi Grapenutpudding, welcome!  I don't think 7 months is enough time to judge anything, especially if you've had a negative attitude and not getting into it there.  I would recommend that you start a new day tomorrow, new positive outlook and be open-minded.  Keep in mind that you really don't miss the other area where you lived, so leave it in the past and live for the now and the future.
> 
> I don't think you'll be better off trying to revive a life where you used to live, or going back to  where you grew up.  You sound like you're torn inside for sure, but just take a deep breath and relax.  Give your new environment a fair chance, I don't think you'll regret it.  Leave your old way of thinking behind, it's holding you back. You weren't that happy before you moved, so it's crazy to even think about going back there.
> 
> ...



Thanks for the welcome Seabreeze! So you don't think 7 months is long enough.. I sort of don't either and will give it a year but I also don't want to waste more time here. I think I will try and explore more and see how I feel about the whole area. I'm too tired to move again right now anyway. But I think being so alone now makes everything seem pointless and I feel like I don't know where I belong anymore. I guess uprooting myself has stirred up a lot of feelings and I'm having trouble dealing with them all. 

You're right...I haven't given this place much of a chance and I probably won't want to stay but I do feel I should make more of the time I spend here wither it's six more months or several years. I may not be thinking clearly - my desire to go back to where I moved from is a desire for the familiar and comfortable but also it's where I had roots and connection which I am lacking now. Thanks for the kind words and good advice!


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## grapenutpudding (Aug 25, 2017)

RadishRose said:


> Packing up and moving is one of the most stressful things in life; right up there with divorce. At our age, it's even more difficult; only kids can adjust rapidly.
> 
> So give yourself a break, you're not going crazy. Maybe give it a little more time and make an effort to meet people as was suggested.
> 
> What attracted you to the particular area you moved to in the first place? Are there friends there? If so, invite them over. I wish you luck and if you really can't stand the area, then you'll have to decide where you'll get the most human inter reaction.



I guess I didn't realize I was too old to do this easily! It's nice to hear you say that. 

I picked this place sight unseen - lower cost of living, closer to New England where I grew up. I don't know anyone here but live in a building where there is some community involvement/social things. But...I think I feel I have to always put on a happy front and tell them I'm loving it here and everything is OK. But it's not and I wish I had some people to talk to who are new or adjusting to the place as I am. 

Thanks for the advice!


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## grapenutpudding (Aug 25, 2017)

jujube said:


> Welcome, Grapenutpudding.  Give yourself a time goal, say to the end of the 12 months,  and if you aren't happier then, make a change.  Having a time frame may give you some relief in the present and allow you to make plans.



Thanks jujube...I almost tried to pick that username as I use to LOVE jujubes candy. Anyway...that is a good plan. I think I will re-evaluate after about a year (in 6 more months or so) and try and get more out of being here in the meantime.


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## grapenutpudding (Aug 25, 2017)

maggiemae said:


> Your only 60?  That is too young to just give up.  Go out and make some new friends in your new area.  You might be surprised how many have your same feelings.  But then again, maybe you need to go home and face whatever demons are waiting.  You will never know unless you take that chance.  What is the worse that can happen?  You go on with your life whatever direction it takes you.  I think we have all had regrets at some point in our lives but doing something about it speaks volumes!   Make a list of pros and cons for each situation and just go for it!



Thanks Maggiemae...I think it would be good to know other people who share some of these feelings. I guess I mostly keep them bottled in when I'm around "real" people. ; ) I don't want to be a downer and I pretend everything is fine when it's not.


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## grapenutpudding (Aug 25, 2017)

Shalimar said:


> Anxiety can make the best of us feel crazy. Under the circumstances, it is perfectly normal  that you feel as you do. What works for me when my head swirls at 90 miles an hour, and I can barely think, is to do one thing a day. Just one, doesn't really matter much what it is. The purpose is to build a building block, a small piece of
> 
> order amongst the spinning chaos. Over time, my spins decrease, it is easier to face the days, I am able to do more,  and my thinking begins to clear. Then I can begin to make decisions. I have learned to avoid making big decisions while I am overwhelmed.



It' good to hear you and some others say this is sort of a normal reaction to my situation. I've just never felt this lost or unmoored before. I think when my mother was alive she provided a ballast for me and I felt ok being so far from "home" but now that she's gone and I uprooted myself from where I had lived for many years, I feel very unstable. 

One thing a day...that is a good way to approach and move forward. And I think you're right...I'm not ready to make another big decision at this point. I can't seem to know what I truly feel and want at this point and am just yearning for what's familiar and/or lost to me. 

I do think I need to get more out of being here so I don't feel it's time wasted if I end up leaving. Thanks again Shalimar!


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## Shalimar (Aug 25, 2017)

grapenutpudding said:


> Thanks Maggiemae...I think it would be good to know other people who share some of these feelings. I guess I mostly keep them bottled in when I'm around "real" people. ; ) I don't want to be a downer and I pretend everything is fine when it's not.



You don't need to do that here,  people are very supportive. If you feel down, feel free to share your emotions with us.


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## grapenutpudding (Aug 25, 2017)

Shalimar said:


> You don't need to do that here,  people are very supportive. If you feel down, feel free to share your emotions with us.



Thank you!!


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## grapenutpudding (Aug 25, 2017)

Just realized I probably shouldn't have put this in the Diary thread and should have started one about moving or something.


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## Trade (Aug 25, 2017)

grapenutpudding said:


> Now I am feeling really ungrounded, partly from being alone and partly from being uprooted. I go round and round in my head about what to do and come up blank...give it more time here, go back to where I was most of my adult life and try to resurrect a life there, or go back to area where I grew up and like but have nothing but memories there. Nothing feels right.
> 
> I feel I've made a mess of my life now and worry that there's no place for me anywhere now. Can anyone relate?



I can relate to all of that. Three years ago my wife and I moved from Florida where we had lived for many years to Alabama to be nearer her family. Now we both regret it and want to go back. We sold our house in Florida when real estate was at a bottom and now it is recovering while here in Alabama it's stagnant so we will take quite a hit going back. I'm estimating that the total cost for moving away and then moving back will be about 50K.


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## grapenutpudding (Aug 25, 2017)

Trade said:


> I can relate to all of that. Three years ago my wife and I moved from Florida where we had lived for many years to Alabama to be nearer her family. Now we both regret it and want to go back. We sold our house in Florida when real estate was at a bottom and now it is recovering while here in Alabama it's stagnant so we will take quite a hit going back. I'm estimating that the total cost for moving away and then moving back will be about 50K.



Gee, that's tough. I hope at least you've enjoyed living near family. I hope it goes well for you if/when you move back. Sometimes it's just hard to know what the right thing to do is until you do it and then regret it or are happy.


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## C'est Moi (Jan 22, 2018)

Hello Grapenutpudding.   I have been reading your thread and wondering if things are any better for you now that some time has passed.   Are you more settled in and feeling any different about moving?   I am also in my 60's and many times I have wondered what it would be like to move to a different place.   Seems like I always come back to the feeling that this location is "home" and familiar, and there's a lot to be said for that.  Let us know what's going on with you.


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## RiverUp (Mar 5, 2018)

Hi Grapenutpudding.  I, also, read all you wrote here and I identify a lot with your stated feelings of instability and so on. I hope you will post again. First of all, it took a lot of strength for you to pick up and leave, but I suspect you did so with the conviction that you were leaving a negative situation for a much better situation. A lower cost of living and so on are excellent reasons to relocate. (By the way, one thing I have learned in life is, "...if ya don't know what to do, don't do anything!" So, if you don't feel that "leading of peace," you should probably stay where you are until you feel better, IMHO.)  

I'm going to venture to guess you even have felt somewhat "panicky," at times. Ha! You thought I didn't know about that!  You may have a habit, as I did, of carrying your whole life in your mind all the time. This can be a habit that becomes crushing. Another poster mentioned something like this...  Assign yourself one main thing to do each day, and focus on one thing at a time.  Realize that a lot of your life really doesn't need you "thinking about it all the time."  A great deal of your life really will, (sounds untrue) take care of itself. Teach yourself to be calm and focus on folding the laundry, vacuuming or going to get groceries or whatever. Losing your mom, lost hope of a relationship with your sister, getting older and moving.  These (and other things you may not have mentioned,) are huge. I am actually admiring you for doing that moving thing you did.  I'm up against that now (and many other negatives,) and it is all driving me "nuts," too.  This is a time in your life when you are making tremendous adjustments. You can do this. Please be very patient with yourself. Hoping for your best times ahead.


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## Autumn72 (Feb 14, 2020)

Camper6 said:


> You know what?  You are too hard on yourself.  I can sympathize with you.
> 
> You need to get out and have some fun somewhere.  I don't know if you are a golfer, but that's a start.  You will be guaranteed to make some friends on a golf course.
> 
> ...


Meetups are for this lost


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## Marie5656 (Feb 14, 2020)

This thread is e years old. Not sure if OP is still active here


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## Tabby Ann (Dec 11, 2021)

I moved to a new town in my senior years and can relate to your situation of trying to meet new friends and establish a support network. While many people give general advice and clichés about how to meet new friends, few in your exact same situation give the particular steps they took to do it successfully. Certainly location can be part of the problem, but isn't always the problem. Age and the loss of family, friends, and work that come with age, is a factor and there doesn't seem to be an easy answer. Each situation is unique.


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## Kaila (Dec 11, 2021)

Tabby Ann said:


> I moved to a new town in my senior years and can relate to your situation of trying to meet new friends and establish a support network. While many people give general advice and clichés about how to meet new friends, few in your exact same situation give the particular steps they took to do it successfully. Certainly location can be part of the problem, but isn't always the problem. Age and the loss of family, friends, and work that come with age, is a factor and there doesn't seem to be an easy answer. Each situation is unique.


Hi, Tabby Ann.
The original person who started this thread has not been here in over 3 years, I think.  It would be nice if she'd post again, to tell us how she's been, but often, people don't.
I just wanted to say hi to you. That's a good post you wrote. 
Whatever the cause of the various isolation situations we are each in, it sure is difficult to get out of it, as you said.


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## Autumn72 (Apr 3, 2022)

grapenutpudding said:


> Well, I am beginning to feel like I'm going crazy. I underestimated how difficult it would be to move to a new city alone at age 60. I've been here about 7 months, can't say I really like it but not sure if I need to give it more time. I haven't been really digging in to life here because part of me is wondering if I should go somewhere else.
> 
> I sold my apt. and left a place that was home for 20+ years because I really wanted to get out of there for many reasons. I had a couple of friends  as well as a few acquaintances there. I don't really miss the area but am realizing it gave me stability.
> 
> ...


Yes, I sure do. Feel like you.
I too have been 20 years in same state.
Also, wanting to go....where....
Your story is sure familiar in thoughts.
I am still in limbo, haven't taken the leap as you have.
However, I do think as you in every part 
I too wondered of Hometown where all are estranged from me.
The word so far is ostracizing to the max.
Even though I have 7 sisters under me and one brother.
4 daughters minus one.
Even the penpals have deserted me.
Guess, I am that bad 
There are reasons for everything, of course.
I'm at a point of ...is it shock?.....or a fish out of water....whatever it's mind boggling if you dwell into the deep ocean of why's, you can bury yourself in too deep and forget you don't know how to swim.
Why I long to move away somewhere else.......
As you and now you too are lost as ever, trying to find something lost and not knowing the road less traveled to finish this crazy race with finding humane interaction at a age no one wants to face the look and feel of it all the grandchildren  
also cold too far removed from you 
There has to be more somewhere, this desert is all too consuming some who are facing it alone without a partner to turn to. I believe causes one to feel less with too much time on your hands. No rule books, all hiding in shame or busy with traveling  
Good Lord, have I dumped the can of worms all over the damn sidewalk!
Forgive me if I have offended anyone. For I do not mean to at all.
I'm waiting to find out too, the way to the happy fields of homelike the journey twhere it all went, is, has gone to, .must be another angle to this massive wave of no return. We were too busy to find out by the grandparents everyone avoided....hmmmm. 2 late now if only mom would had been kinder to her mother who died very much aline seems so sad that there is massive info for the young and mothers but nothing for us now.
8 have broke the barriers of staying too long at a POST. GRACEFULLY slipping away in embarressment...


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## bingo (Apr 3, 2022)

i  battle  with  the  same sorta situation...being almost 70 years old  now...decides it...i  must accept it and keep plugging  along...May God bless you always


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## Autumn72 (Apr 3, 2022)

Autumn72 said:


> Yes, I sure do. Feel like you.
> I too have been 20 years in same state.
> Also, wanting to go....where....
> Your story is sure familiar in thoughts.
> ...


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## Autumn72 (Apr 3, 2022)

Oh, dear, what have I done now!


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## MountainRa (Apr 3, 2022)

We are just coming out of a two year pandemic. It wouldn’t matter where you moved to. No place is quite its usual self, culture, atmosphere ( or how ever one would describe it). 

Here in SC we have only begun in the last couple of months to restart all our local festivals, concerts, volunteer opportunities, etc. I think you should give it at least a full year at your new location. Experience all four seasons in your new home. Start putting down some roots.

If your town has a small locally published newspaper, subscribe to it. It’s where you will find out about all the events happening in your area that might be an opportunity to meet people. It’s where you will read about organizations that might interest you.

Get out and do some exploring in within 75-100 miles of your home. Expand your idea of what ‘home’ is. 

Having said all that, I do think it is very difficult to make friends in our present culture no matter your age or where you live.  You are not alone in struggling to find where you fit.

Give it a little more time. But if eventually you feel the new place is not a good fit then give yourself permission to move on.


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## MountainRa (Apr 3, 2022)

Well heavens! I have got to train myself to look at how old a thread is before replying. 

 Still trying to get used to how the this forum works. Please ignore my recent post.

Only just found the Games Forum.  It’s fun!


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## Kaila (Apr 4, 2022)

@MountainRa 
It is always okay to respond to an old thread,  like this one, with your ideas that are valuable to anyone,
but yes, 
definitely get into the routine of looking at the dates of the posts you might reply to.

Often the original poster (OP) who began the thread, is no longer posting or reading or replying. They may have left the thread, or the entire forum, long ago.

Often though, others in similar situations,
have responded more recently, 
which is what brought the thread up in the sections you would now notice them.

That is what happened on this thread, yesterday.
Present members who posted above, in the last 2 days.

So your very good response post was/*is* very valuable to anyone of them,
 to the member who posted yesterday, and also, to any of us who read your post. It gives ideas to others, so it is not wasted.


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## RadishRose (Apr 4, 2022)

Autumn72 said:


> Oh, dear, what have I done now!


You've done nothing wrong, Autumn. All you did was share your feelings like we all do.


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## hollydolly (Apr 4, 2022)

Autumn72 said:


> Oh, dear, what have I done now!


Ditto what Radish Rose said... you've done nothing wrong


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## Packerjohn (Apr 4, 2022)

I'm not a Buddhist but I think Buddha said that "happiness comes from within".  Having said that, I would not stay in a place that you hate.  Life is too short for that.  Anyway, if you are retired, then you are not a "wage slave" and you can pick up and go.  I'm a great music lover so I want you to listen to the following song that will tell you what happiness is since I feel that you are not happy now but would like to be:


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## Autumn72 (Apr 4, 2022)

Kaila said:


> @MountainRa
> It is always okay to respond to an old thread,  like this one, with your ideas that are valuable to anyone,
> but yes,
> definitely get into the routine of looking at the dates of the posts you might reply to.
> ...


Well, in that case thank you for your kind reply Kaila.
You certainly made my day


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## Autumn72 (Apr 4, 2022)

RadishRose said:


> You've done nothing wrong, Autumn. All you did was share your feelings like we all do.


Yes, thank you Rasdish Rose, you made my shame evaporate


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