# Loneliness, does this apply to you?



## Vivjen (Jan 20, 2014)

www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-25777617


I find this so depressingly true....


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## Jillaroo (Jan 20, 2014)

_I feel quite isolated and lonely and as i am getting older and more injuries occur i am feeling anxious as i am not able to do the things i used to, heck i couldn't take the rubbish to the bins today because of my knee, the daughter promises to come and help, she's been saying that for months, i get very frustrated with myself as i am a very independant person, everything gets put in the too hard basket._


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## Vivjen (Jan 20, 2014)

Jillaroo said:


> _I feel quite isolated and lonely and as i am getting older and more injuries occur i am feeling anxious as i am not able to do the things i used to, heck i couldn't take the rubbish to the bins today because of my knee, the daughter promises to come and help, she's been saying that for months, i get very frustrated with myself as i am a very independant person, everything gets put in the too hard basket._



Being independent is great, isn't it, until there are things one just can't do any more, for whatever reason.

I am really bad at asking for help...it makes me feel that I then owe back.

This is an ongoing problem for me, and I haven't yet worked out a solution...


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## Old Hipster (Jan 20, 2014)

This is a bridge I'll cross when I come to it. 

My husband and I are practically hermits, we have a few close life long friends, but even now they are in worse physical condition than us, so they are no help. 

 I'm 61 and the mister is 65 so we don't feel old really yet, but we won't have anybody to speak of when we get on in years to call for help. 

But I do wonder about things like you say Jilli, when the time comes for me I'll figure out something then. (hopefully)


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## Diwundrin (Jan 20, 2014)

I never feel lonely, and like the relative isolation ( have neighbours a few blocks away but never or seldom see them) but a certain amount of vulnerability goes along with that, and when, like Jill, I have a string of 'baaad' days and can do practically nothing and the garbage bin turns into a boulder on wheels I have to face facts that I'm just not really 'independent' at all any more.  

Things that I never gave a 2nd thought to doing a short while ago suddenly become like cliffs. 
I bit the bullet and tried to set up a support chain that I could contact for help if and when I need it only to find that the Govt's assurance of a wonderful, integrated,  community health system doesn't quite stretch it's coverage to allow me to do more than register on the interim waiting list to get onto the official waiting list. 2 to 5 years, depending on need was mentioned. Well buggar that!
 Even though I can pay for a cleaner to come in, there just aren't any. Or none around that you'd trust in your house.

I can, (damned well have to...grrrrr)  move into a retirement complex where at least the permanent staff do extras for the 'independents' on a user pays hourly rate to boost their wages and that's fine by me, at least I'll know who they are.  And the centre office arranges tradesmen and repairs and smoke alarm battery changes.  

The aging's isolation and disconnection from normal society is only going to get worse as more and more of us reach that point. Especially if the trend of rapidly dispersing families continues.


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## Diwundrin (Jan 20, 2014)

Old Hipster said:


> This is a bridge I'll cross when I come to it.
> 
> My husband and I are practically hermits, we have a few close life long friends, but even now they are in worse physical condition than us, so they are no help.
> 
> ...



I have to be the usual voice of doom OH and say that one day I was independent and the next I wasn't!  I'd thought about aged care, and knew a bit about how it worked from experience with Mum, and knew my health history would go downhill on the same track as hers,  but I viewed it as something quite a few years off.   But it wasn't. 
 I aged 20 years in 3 months.  

It does no harm to research the options and hope like hell that you are wasting your time.  I hope you will be wasting it too but if something goes wrong in a hurry a backup plan can be damned handy.  I was lucky to have a relative who did the leg work, found the unit that wasn't even on the market yet, because they're hard to find, did all the paperwork that I couldn't get into to town to do etc.  Without him I honestly have no idea how or if I'd have survived the sudden change in circumstances.

It just bears thinking about.  Just because there are two of you, you will have far less chance of finding yourselves in the dire situation I did, but it's still something to at least know and think about a bit in advance.  Too late when/iF it happens and you have no one to help you with it.


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## Ozarkgal (Jan 20, 2014)

This getting old business just sucks sometimes, but better than the alternative to some degree.  Di you were very fortunate that your cousin stepped up to helpl you.  As attested by some on here, not everyone is so lucky to have someone who gives a damned whether they are alive from day to day.  

Mr. O and I fall into that category, except for one of my brothers who has helped us tremendously.  He lives in another state, and while he's been wonderful with the physical labor, he would mentally be of no use in a caretaker situation. 

I was just talking to a friend last night that is in the same situation of having no one. Of concern to both of us is our dogs, who like so many people without family have become our family.  We have sorted out that we would give each others dogs a home if either one of us goes first.  But as for the rest of it, it's a scary proposition.


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## Old Hipster (Jan 20, 2014)

The main concern of mine is what will happen to our dog if something happens to us. I do have an Aunt and Uncle we are close to in age, hopefully we can depend on each other a bit.

for right now I am just being Scarlet O'Hara...and yes I know it's foolish.

"I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow."


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## Diwundrin (Jan 20, 2014)

My dog is the one thing that I haven't really comes to terms with yet either OH.  I know she'll be okay and looked after without me, but I'm not so sure about me without her.


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## CeeCee (Jan 20, 2014)

I never feel lonely but I am pretty much alone when here at home.  physically I can still do most things and I don't like asking for help, either....maybe I should after my ankle sprain.

i did do volunteer work at the hospital in the surgery waiting room until recently but had to stop because of their strict schedule, it messed with my traveling.

If I could find a volunteer job where I can just come in when I feel like it, that would be great!


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## CeeCee (Jan 20, 2014)

I know my kids will take care of me if it comes to that but I do not want o live with them unless necessary.


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## SeaBreeze (Jan 20, 2014)

We're also pretty much on our own here too, no friends and family nearby and no kids to come to our rescue if something happens.  My worst fear is one of us passing on, and the other one developing Alzheimer's, where we couldn't function on our own mentally.  I think if either of us just become physically impaired, we could work around that.  They say that interacting with others and socializing helps to avoid dementia in old age.

Jilly, I feel bad for you because you do have a daughter that can help out and refuses...that's very sad.  When she's old and ailing, I wonder if there will be someone there for her.  Vivjen, I'm like you.  I've always been very interested to help others in need, and don't even have to think twice about it...but I hesitate to ask for the most simplest favor from others.  I'm making an effort now to get in better shape physically, that will definitely help with remaining independent in the future.

So far, with my husband here, I don't feel alone or depressed at all, but we are very close and that would likely change quickly if something happened to him and he was no longer here with me.


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## gar (Jan 20, 2014)

Most of my Life I have been alone so I cope with Family and friends okay.


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## That Guy (Jan 20, 2014)

I grew up lonely.  So, what the heck . . .


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## SifuPhil (Jan 20, 2014)

I was born alone and I'll die alone - nothing new there.

About the dying part - that's one of the reasons I'm thinking of moving to Florida - at least I'll be semi-warm when I kick the bucket, homeless and alone, on some nameless Atlantic-coast beach.


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## Ozarkgal (Jan 20, 2014)

Diwundrin said:


> My dog is the one thing that I haven't really comes to terms with yet either OH.  I know she'll be okay and looked after without me, but I'm not so sure about me without her.



Di, I don't understand why the assisted living place you're moving to won't allow seniors to have a pet.  Most of them here do allow a dog or cat as long as the person is able to take care of it.  Pets are proven to help seniors cope with loneliness, isolation and the feeling of being needed.  

It can be hard for people that have never formed an attachment to an animal to understand how much a part of our daily lives they contribute to.  Animal are what keep a lot of people going, knowing that they have to get up to take care of them everyday.  Losing an animal can be as much a grieving process as much as losing a loved one, if the animal is fulfilling an emotional need for the person.


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## CeeCee (Jan 20, 2014)

Florida is too humid for me, after living here I don't know how I lived anywhere with high humidity.


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## Old Hipster (Jan 20, 2014)

Diwundrin said:


> My dog is the one thing that I haven't really comes to terms with yet either OH. I know she'll be okay and looked after without me, but I'm not so sure about me without her.


Di, you are breakin' my heart here, that's awful.


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## SifuPhil (Jan 20, 2014)

CeeCee said:


> Florida is too humid for me, after living here I don't know how I lived anywhere with high humidity.



Like the old saying goes, "It's not the heat, it's the humility". 

I think if you live there long enough you might still dislike it but your body acclimates. At least, that's how I remember it being when I was down there for a while.

Still - rather die in the humidity than in the freezing cold. I don't want to end up like Jack Nicholson in _The Shining_ ...


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## GeorgiaXplant (Jan 20, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> I was born alone and I'll die alone - nothing new there.
> 
> About the dying part - that's one of the reasons I'm thinking of moving to Florida - at least I'll be semi-warm when I kick the bucket, homeless and alone, on some nameless Atlantic-coast beach.



No, no, Phil! Don't do it! There are those who will disagree with me, but Florida was never intended for human habitation. Had it been, there wouldn't be sand fleas and land crabs, not to mention alligators.


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## SifuPhil (Jan 20, 2014)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> No, no, Phil! Don't do it! There are those who will disagree with me, but Florida was never intended for human habitation. Had it been, there wouldn't be sand fleas and land crabs, not to mention alligators.



LOL!

I'd rather my corpse be left to those denizens of the sea than the rats, bed bugs and cockroaches I presently room with. 

Now _Georgia_, that's another story ... my son is at Georgia Institute of Technology chasing his Master's degree and the stories he's told me about THAT place! :cower: layful:


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## GeorgiaXplant (Jan 20, 2014)

Well. Yes. Georgia is, um, different. Our weather often has wild "mood swings" and some of the natives don't care for transplants. However, there are more immigrants here than natives. Among my 11 clients, there are only three who were born in Georgia, and they're all well-educated folks who welcome everybody and like the diversity.


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## SifuPhil (Jan 20, 2014)

Interesting that there are more transplants there - what, did they get a flat tire on 95 near Kingsland and, like that _Twilight Zone_ episode, they couldn't get the penny fortune-telling machine to release them?


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## That Guy (Jan 20, 2014)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> some of the natives don't care for transplants.



Try being a native Californian.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Jan 20, 2014)

Phil, probably has a lot to do with how big the city has gotten and how many big companies have relocated their headquarters here. It's low- to medium-COLA compared to other major cities, lots of very good universities (Tech and Emory among them) and transpo in and out of the area is good.

That Guy, my kids are all native New Mexicans; there aren't too many of those left, either!

As for me? I'm a native Yooper; not many of us leave, and when we do, not many are successful at staying away.


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## SifuPhil (Jan 20, 2014)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> Phil, probably has a lot to do with how big the city has gotten and how many big companies have relocated their headquarters here. It's low- to medium-COLA compared to other major cities, lots of very good universities (Tech and Emory among them) and transpo in and out of the area is good.



I think you're right. Wilkes Barre, the little place I'm currently in (PA) has a lot of the same attitude - they resent outsiders coming in but they like the dollars they bring. It's an uneasy alliance at best. 



> As for me? I'm a native Yooper; not many of us leave, and when we do, not many are successful at staying away.



Is that UP?


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## Vivjen (Jan 20, 2014)

Please....what is a native Yooper?


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## SifuPhil (Jan 20, 2014)

Vivjen said:


> Please....what is a native Yooper?



A person who wears a loincloth and runs around yelling "YOOP! YOOP!" ... layful:


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## TICA (Jan 20, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> A person who wears a loincloth and runs around yelling "YOOP! YOOP!" ... layful:



How do you come up with things like this????


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## Vivjen (Jan 20, 2014)

That means I will have to use Google.......again.


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## SifuPhil (Jan 20, 2014)

TICA said:


> How do you come up with things like this????



I credit the medications ... 



			
				Vivjen said:
			
		

> That means I will have to use Google.......again.



If I'm right, yoopers are people that are from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. My Mom had a lot of relatives up there and we visited a few times, but I never heard that term used before.


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## CeeCee (Jan 20, 2014)

yes, all of you who want a warmer climate, come to California like thatguy says...we have all ranges in temps here.


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## Vivjen (Jan 20, 2014)

Thanks CeeCee , I can't help being ignorant.
i've been there, driven all the way up the Michigan peninsula!


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## Fern (Jan 20, 2014)

I'm not thinking about the future, too much to digest. I do know if I'm left alone I won't be living closer to my daughter, too much of the me, me, me and the grandkids are the same.


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## Vivjen (Jan 20, 2014)

I will remain here, as long as I can, on my own; I am too selfish now to contemplate anything else.
but, at times, I do find it hard......


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## GeorgiaXplant (Jan 20, 2014)

LOL! A Yooper is a native of the upper peninsula of Michigan. UP. Yooper. We call people who are natives of the lower peninsula "trolls" because they live "under" the bridge. That would be the bridge at the Straits of Mackinaw that connects the upper and lower peninsulas.

Yoopers are rare; the population of the UP is probably less than 300,000.


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## Vivjen (Jan 20, 2014)

I drove up and down once, to pick a teenager up from a summer camp. I must admit, there wasn't a lot of life to see; scenery quite nice though!


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## Jackie22 (Jan 21, 2014)

If I could afford the price of real estate and for the fact of having to leave my family, I'd move to California in a minute, I can think of several small beautiful coastal towns that I'd love to live in. 

I pay nearly $100 per vehicle to register and Texas has been in droughts in recent years too, so thats not the problem...I envy anyone that lives there.


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## CeeCee (Jan 21, 2014)

I paid $265 for my license plate in June...that is high!


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## Old Hipster (Jan 21, 2014)

CeeCee said:


> I paid $265 for my license plate in June...that is high!


This is one reason I love it here. 

You think you are clicking on a thread about loneliness and here we are talking about the price of a license plate. layful:


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## CeeCee (Jan 21, 2014)

LOL...I love that though...it's like friends talking in a group ...sometimes the subject changes or goes off track!


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## Vivjen (Jan 21, 2014)

Sometimes.....that is an understatement!


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## CeeCee (Jan 21, 2014)

lol....most times!


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## Vivjen (Jan 21, 2014)

Better...


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## SifuPhil (Jan 21, 2014)

California isn't for me either, and I tried it in two different places - LA and San Francisco. Just couldn't find the right vibes.


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## Old Hipster (Jan 21, 2014)

CeeCee said:


> LOL...I love that though...it's like friends talking in a group ...sometimes the subject changes or goes off track!


I've always thought the exact same thing. It is more natural to be all over the place.

About California, years ago I was hitching down the coast with a friend, 1971 I think was the year, as soon as we got to California the "vibe" changed. We had one creepy ride into the Redwoods and when we got dropped off, we stood there on the shoulder of the road for awhile, still heading South. We just looked at each other and crossed the road and started heading back up North.


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## That Guy (Jan 21, 2014)

CeeCee said:


> yes, all of you who want a warmer climate, come to California like thatguy says...we have all ranges in temps here.



I never said anything about coming to California.  More like MY BEACH MY WAVE GO HOME!


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## That Guy (Jan 21, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> California isn't for me either, and I tried it in two different places - LA and San Francisco. Just couldn't find the right vibes.



As we love to say, You missed it.  Once, oh so long long ago it was a wonderful golden land.  Now it is Kalifornica all the way.  I only stay because I'm stubborn and live in the past.  As REM sang so well, "I remember California . . ."  Actually, like that in more places around the world than not as change is the only constant and not always for the better.


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## Ozarkgal (Jan 21, 2014)

Now it seems like the only ones "California Dreamin'  are the ones dreaming to get out of there.  I would have loved to live there anytime up until the '60's.


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## SifuPhil (Jan 21, 2014)

That Guy said:


> As we love to say, You missed it.  Once, oh so long long ago it was a wonderful golden land.  Now it is Kalifornica all the way.  I only stay because I'm stubborn and live in the past.  As REM sang so well, "I remember California . . ."  Actually, like that in more places around the world than not as change is the only constant and not always for the better.



Yeah, see, I was out there in the late '70's, and to be fair to LA I was living in South El Monte. In fact, I suspect I was the only non-Hispanic there, but I never had any problems and I was renting a nice house with a gorgeous pool for something like $250/mn.

'Frisco was nice but very expensive - sort of like NYC with hills. 

Maybe it's because I'm mainly an Easterner, and I spent so much time in NYC, but I just didn't get the same sort of good feelings in California that I got in NY. The funny thing is, now I wouldn't want to live in NY if you paid me.


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## That Guy (Jan 22, 2014)

"Loneliness is such a drag . . . "  -- Jimi


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## Ruth (May 25, 2014)

Move to Florida. The Senior Citizens' community centers are wonderful.


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