# Things I Think  About -----Passed Away???



## Lon (Mar 13, 2015)

Why don't they just say he or she is DEAD or has DIED or was killed. Is PASSED AWAY supposed to be a gentler way to say that some one has BIT THE BULLET, BOUGHT THE FARM, CROAKED?  PASSED AWAY.  Did they PASS AWAY after they were killed or were they killed first and then PASS AWAY?  Where did they pass away to?


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## DoItMyself (Mar 13, 2015)

I think it's a way to treat death with a little bit of kindness.  Rather than be brutally blunt it's a courtesy to those who are grieving to be a bit less harsh.  The death of a loved one is already painful enough-there's no reason to rub a bit more salt into an already open emotional wound.


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## Falcon (Mar 13, 2015)

Yes Lon. I've often given it some thought but I think that DIM explained it very well.

(Also it depends on who it is you are talking about.  {The killer DIED after being shot by the police.}   or

[My sister PASSED AWAY  last year.]


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## Lon (Mar 13, 2015)

Death is so inevitable for us all it just seems to me that calling it any thing other than what it is may be gentle, but not logical or even practical, but there are those of course that choose to view common occurances not as they are, but as they would like them to be.


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## Ameriscot (Mar 13, 2015)

Agree that it's a kinder way to say it.  

In many African countries they say someone is 'late' when they have died.  Not just the late Mr so and so.  But just 'he is late'.


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## AZ Jim (Mar 13, 2015)

Falcon said:


> Yes Lon. I've often given it some thought but I think that DIM explained it very well.
> 
> (Also it depends on who it is you are talking about.  {The killer DIED after being shot by the police.}   or
> 
> [My sister PASSED AWAY  last year.]



Good analogy, John.  I agree.


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## SifuPhil (Mar 13, 2015)

> 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot              is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is              maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you              hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is              metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked              the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain              and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!



~*Monty Python*, Dead Parrot sketch


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## ndynt (Mar 13, 2015)

Having been present at thousands of deaths, I personally viewed it as a passing.  A transition.  When their last breath was taken...always thought..."he/she has passed".   At times adding "finally".   Think, for me, it was probably more of a spiritual view, than being kind.


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## Cookie (Mar 13, 2015)

Lon said:


> Why don't they just say he or she is DEAD or has DIED  or was killed. Is PASSED AWAY supposed to be a gentler way to say that  some one has BIT THE BULLET, BOUGHT THE FARM, CROAKED?  PASSED AWAY.   Did they PASS AWAY after they were killed or were they killed first and  then PASS AWAY?  Where did they pass away to?



Lon, I think its about being sensitive to whom you are talking to and how they would respond to what you say.

If I related an accidental death or death by circumstance, I might tell a friend 'They died in a car crash.  My uncle died of a heart attack.  
If I was talking about someone who had died from an illness, I might say, "he passed away after a lengthy illness".
He was 99 when he passed away.  

I  find religious or spiritual people tend to use the expression 'passed'  or 'passed on' as to them it means the departed passed through this dimension and  entered another.

I don't tend to use bit the bullet, bought the farm, croaked, bit the buttered bun, belly up, etc. at all (although I have heard them all.)


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## GeorgiaXplant (Mar 13, 2015)

I never say "passed away" or "passed on". I don't know why, but it's one of those phrases that annoys me. It's okay to say somebody has died. I don't feel like it's unkind. It's just a sad fact. Now I'm thinking maybe it's me, maybe I'm cold-hearted or something


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## Debby (Mar 13, 2015)

I used to be really hard nosed about the death/passed away thing.  He's dead, he's dead, he is dead!  But after I spent a few years reading about NDE's and a bunch of other things, I changed my opinion entirely and agree with ndynt that it is a transition.


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## Cookie (Mar 13, 2015)

Since we're on the subject, I don't know what to think anymore.  I've seen it happen, been completely freaked out by it and extremely sad and depressed about it..... I have read things, studied and practiced eastern philosophy, seen documentaries,.... but still no conclusions about it.... I just don't like the idea, that's all, and who says we have to.


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## applecruncher (Mar 13, 2015)

I don’t see anything wrong with saying “died”, but “passed” is gentler.  But “croaked”, “kicked the bucket” are rude and way out of line.

I notice that many obituaries these days say “went home”, and that there will be a “celebration of life” gathering.


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## ndynt (Mar 13, 2015)

Cookie said:


> Lon, I think its about being sensitive to whom you are talking to and how they would respond to what you say.
> 
> If I related an accidental death or death by circumstance, I might tell a friend 'They died in a car crash.  My uncle died of a heart attack.
> If I was talking about someone who had died from an illness, I might say, "he passed away after a lengthy illness".
> ...


Cookie,  your post has me realizing that I too use/find "died", in some instances, the appropriate chose.


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## DoItMyself (Mar 13, 2015)

Lon said:


> Death is so inevitable for us all it just seems to me that calling it any thing other than what it is may be gentle, but not logical or even practical, but there are those of course that choose to view common occurances not as they are, but as they would like them to be.



It doesn't have anything to do with what I perceive it to be.  I personally have no problem saying that someone died, or someone is dead.  However, when discussing it with someone else I'll always try to take a more polite tact-it's a difficult situation for some people to handle and I'll do my best to respect their feelings.  Especially if the death we're discussing is that of a recently deceased loved one.

Just because respect for other's feelings isn't logical or practical doesn't make it wrong.


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## NancyNGA (Mar 13, 2015)

Slightly switching the subject, but the new expression I don't care for when expressing condolences to someone is:  

_"I'm sorry for your loss."    
_
It reminds me of a form letter.


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## jujube (Mar 13, 2015)

I read somewhere that it is a matter of social strata:

Upper class: "Grandfather died in 1973."

Middle class: "Dad passed away in 1980."

Lower class: "Uncle Bubba earned his heavenly wings and went to be with Jesus in 1985."


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## Butterfly (Mar 13, 2015)

DoItMyself said:


> It doesn't have anything to do with what I perceive it to be.  I personally have no problem saying that someone died, or someone is dead.  However, when discussing it with someone else I'll always try to take a more polite tact-it's a difficult situation for some people to handle and I'll do my best to respect their feelings.  Especially if the death we're discussing is that of a recently deceased loved one.
> 
> Just because respect for other's feelings isn't logical or practical doesn't make it wrong.



I agree.


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## Lon (Mar 13, 2015)

I don't mean to be insensitive or calloused, but in my first career I personally embalmed hundreds of dead bodies, they passed from where ever they DIED to me and from me they passed on to the cemetery or crematorium. As these bodies lay on my embalming table I would look at them and wonder if they had a soul and if any part of them went to another realm. It was at this point in my life that I concluded that death is final and that if any thing is left of the deceased individual it remains in the minds of the still living.


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## SeaBreeze (Mar 13, 2015)

DoItMyself said:


> I think it's a way to treat death with a little bit of kindness.  Rather than be brutally blunt it's a courtesy to those who are grieving to be a bit less harsh.  The death of a loved one is already painful enough-there's no reason to rub a bit more salt into an already open emotional wound.



Completely agree.


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## SeaBreeze (Mar 13, 2015)

Lon said:


> I don't mean to be insensitive or calloused, but in my first career I personally embalmed hundreds of dead bodies, they passed from where ever they DIED to me and from me they passed on to the cemetery or crematorium. As these bodies lay on my embalming table I would look at them and wonder if they had a soul and if any part of them went to another realm. It was at this point in my life that I concluded that death is final and that if any thing is left of the deceased individual it remains in the minds of the still living.



Interesting Lon.  I don't think I could ever work so closely with dead bodies like that.  I am to be cremated when I die.  I was with several relatives shortly after they passed, and had hope that they were still there looking down, or would somehow visit me in my dreams, etc.  That never has happened in my case, I'd have to have experienced something like that to definitely believe in life after death, or the living spirit.  I think it's true, that it's just a comfort to the survivors to believe that death is not final.  I do keep an open mind though, and never say never.


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## Foxie (Mar 13, 2015)

@lon..interesting. Our bodies die but our souls go back to our beloved creator..So passing away seems fitting to me.


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## Lon (Mar 13, 2015)

Foxie said:


> @lon..interesting. Our bodies die but our souls go back to our beloved creator..So passing away seems fitting to me.


 That's certainly a nice thought.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Mar 14, 2015)

jujube said:


> I read somewhere that it is a matter of social strata:
> 
> Upper class: "Grandfather died in 1973."
> 
> ...



So...according to that I'm upper class? LOL!!!!!


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## oakapple (Mar 14, 2015)

I agree that saying passed sounds nicer, or passed away BUT could never bring myself to say it. I have never actually heard anyone here say it, and if I did, would feel false, or like a character in a US movie.So I say died for everyone, those close to me and those not so as well.


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## SifuPhil (Mar 14, 2015)

"Die" and "died" just sounds so ... final. One minute they were alive, the next, _whoomp_, they died. 

"Passed away" seems to imply a softer, gentler ending, a gradual transition between life and death. 

Not the dictionary definition, I know, but that's how I see it.


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