# Mature Dating - Part 4: Leave Out The Age Talk



## SifuPhil (Apr 30, 2013)

As I mentioned in an earlier chapter, age shouldn't matter when going out. Not unless you are dating someone who is 40 years older or younger than you. Obviously, you don't want to be with someone who has a huge age gap. If you are uncomfortable telling your age, just let your date know that you'll tell them later. Obviously, with online dating you'll be able to look up someone's age through their profile. Otherwise, if you are dating someone from work or a social event, you don't have to tell them your birthdate.

Most people won't care how old you are. Their goal is to find someone who has a sense of humor, is attractive, responsible, and active. These are the most important things in a relationship for them, and if something is out of place they won't want to continue with the relationship. You should also have high standards but make sure you aren't too picky when it comes to choosing a date.

If you are a man asking a woman her age, and she is obviously much older then you, she may feel slightly uncomfortable. It is always best to maintain a healthy relationship and go out on dates for a few weeks before you start the interrogations about age. Always give her a compliment before you ask this sort of question, otherwise it's not advisable to ask at all. You could slyly say something like "Wow, you look very young... how old are you by the way?". A woman is more inclined to give out her age if you give her a compliment like this while asking the question. Otherwise, I'd recommend keeping out any age talk, especially on a first date.


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## That Guy (Apr 30, 2013)

By now . . . one might think we would be OLD enough to know better.  Obviously, NOT.  Guess once an idiot always an idiot.


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## SifuPhil (Apr 30, 2013)

That Guy said:


> By now . . . one might think we would be OLD enough to know better.  Obviously, NOT.  Guess once an idiot always an idiot.



I've actually seen guys asking women their age, just out-right BLAM - "How old are you?" I'm pretty sure it was their first or second date, and I'm POSITIVE they were over 50, so yeah, the window-lickers still seem to be populating ...


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## Anne (Apr 30, 2013)

But, it might be better if they ask sooner, rather than later.   At least you'd know if age was that important, and you might want to move on....


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## SifuPhil (Apr 30, 2013)

Anne said:


> But, it might be better if they ask sooner, rather than later.   At least you'd know if age was that important, and you might want to move on....



Personally, I couldn't see having _any_ kind of relationship with anyone to whom age was _that_ important a topic. I understand WHY some people obsess over it - mainly social pressure and their prejudiced, misinformed upbringing - but when logically examined the only reason for a mature adult to question age is for purposes of determining who is going to cash in the insurance policies first. layful:

Think about it ... when you're in your twenties and thirties the age spread is important if you want to have kids or if you plan on being together forever. I can understand the kid thing to a degree, but I won't even comment on the latter. Once you start into your forties the game starts to change, and by the time you hit 50 and 60 the age thing is usually becoming less and less important, unless again you've had a "traditional" (read: confined and brainwashed) upbringing.

Many cultures even today advocate the taking of younger or older partners; it's only the straight-laced American Puritanical culture that has problems with it.


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## Anne (Apr 30, 2013)

But most people (I think) might consider age important to a degree.... Hollywood and tv has shown us it's the beautiful people who are noticed, and the younger, the better, unfortunately.   
I have a friend whose husband passed on, and she says she won't be dating at all; according to her, younger men want young women, and older men want young women, so what would be the point of even dating.  In a way, I do see her point....and I'm not a feminist, or against men in any way.  It just seems human nature....


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## SifuPhil (Apr 30, 2013)

Anne said:


> But most people (I think) might consider age important to a degree.... Hollywood and tv has shown us it's the beautiful people who are noticed, and the younger, the better, unfortunately.



Ah, but Hollywood also tries to tell me that every crime ever committed will be solved within 48 minutes (one hour minus commercials), that acting like a jerk is the normal way to be and that if a woman shows a man a little leg and a little cleavage he'll automatically become a drooling, nonthinking zombie.

All of which, by the way, I know to NOT be true.  The great unwashed masses of sheeple are influenced, true, but I've never thought of myself as being one _of_ them.



> I have a friend whose husband passed on, and she says she won't be dating at all; according to her, younger men want young women, and older men want young women, so what would be the point of even dating.  In a way, I do see her point....and I'm not a feminist, or against men in any way.  It just seems human nature....



You're certainly correct about it being human nature - we've been genetically programmed since the very beginning. Men look for fertile, young women that can bear their progeny; women look for young, virile and strong men that can GIVE them that progeny AND protect and feed them. That hasn't changed in millions of years.

What HAS changed is the relaxation of some social attitudes, the growing liberal outlook of this country, the sloughing-off of strict religious principles, the development of the "ME FIRST" attitude ... there are in fact many factors that I think have contributed to the "old guy/young girl - old girl/young guy" syndrome, but to me it's actually par for the course - Taoist teachings, and in fact most of the major Chinese social systems - have long advocated such an arrangement. It's seen as a way of preserving your youthful energy - a sort of "you are what you eat" thing. layful:

It can of course also be blatant energy vampirism, but that's a discussion for another time ...


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## SeaSparkle (May 1, 2013)

Anne said:


> But most people (I think) might consider age important to a degree.... Hollywood and tv has shown us it's the beautiful people who are noticed, and the younger, the better, unfortunately.
> I have a friend whose husband passed on, and she says she won't be dating at all; according to her, younger men want young women, and older men want young women, so what would be the point of even dating.  In a way, I do see her point....and I'm not a feminist, or against men in any way.  It just seems human nature....




Welp, seeing as women tend to outlive men by 10ish years, why bother getting into a 'mature' relationship if he isn't 10 years younger? Ya know?!
:sentimental:


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## That Guy (May 1, 2013)

When I was in high school, there was a senior girl dating a sophomore guy.  Shocking!


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## SeaSparkle (May 1, 2013)

That Guy said:


> When I was in high school, there was a senior girl dating a sophomore guy.  Shocking!



mg:


Actually, that was pretty shocking if it happened back then. 
You'd be like.. why you goin' with him, can't you get a guy your own age?! lol


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## Anne (May 1, 2013)

Rather OT, but how about the female teachers who are having affairs with their students....thinking in particular about the Florida teacher, Debra 'something', who according to her lawyers, "Is too pretty to go to jail"....What the heck is up with that?!   So then it's ok??

If it were a man dating a student, he'd be in jail pronto, good-looking or not.   Reverse double standards.


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## R. Zimm (May 1, 2013)

What the heck is a "window-licker" anyway????

(I really tried to connect the dots to the thread topic, REALLY I did!)


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## SifuPhil (May 1, 2013)

R. Zimm said:


> What the heck is a "window-licker" anyway????
> 
> (I really tried to connect the dots to the thread topic, REALLY I did!)



LOL! It's a more PC term for the rather nasty term "retard", the idea being that someone of diminished mental capacity licks the windows on the short-bus.

... tell me you know what a "short-bus" is ...


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## Ozarkgal (May 1, 2013)

SifuPhil said:


> LOL! It's a more PC term for the rather nasty term "retard", the idea being that someone of diminished mental capacity licks the windows on the short-bus.
> 
> ... tell me you know what a "short-bus" is ...



Phil...You do come up with them.....
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





 Somehow "retard" doesn't seem as offensive as "window licker". My guess is you that would not get away with either one being PC. Then again, I'm not a very PC person.


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## Ozarkgal (May 1, 2013)

In the case of wealthy old men dating young women, the question of age is irrelevant to either party.  He knows she's much younger than him, and she definitely knows he's an old man.  They're both in it for reasons other age, and I don't mean a deep abiding love.  As far as men dating much older women, rarely do you see that unless she's a sugar mamma, and he's a gigolo.


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## SifuPhil (May 2, 2013)

I think it all depends upon whether or not you believe in the "universal" laws of attraction as they pertain to relationships. If you do, then relationships such as this would be seen as nothing out of the ordinary. Age is just one of many factors to be considered.

If you DON'T believe in those laws, however, you're going to see lecherous old men and oily-haired, scheming gigolos taking advantage of poor, heart-broken women.


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## That Guy (May 2, 2013)

Looking back . . . YIKES!  Had to turn back around quickly.  That was a shock...

I remember quite a few young female teachers in high school (went to three different ones . . . ah, the life of a military dependent) who were drop dead gorgeous (too pretty to go to jail) and were very flirtatious.  One particular was famous for leaning over and pressing her ample breasts against us as she checked our work.  I was way to innocent to do anything other than . . . faint.  But, I'm sure there were guys getting extra credit after school.  And, of course, there were the "hot young things" who got good grades from the male teachers for their . . . uh, good work ...


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## Anne (May 2, 2013)

Oh my....goodness.  I remember some of us having a crush on our shorthand teacher, and I'm sure he knew it, but that's as far as it went.  Of course, in a small town, everyone knows everything and teachers were still respected; at least by most of the students.  There were boundaries, too...what happened to that....

Then again, who knows what the boys said amongst themselves in reference to the very pretty social studies teacher who wore very short skirts, and  would sit on her desk facing the class.    We used to wonder about her.....


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## Ozarkgal (May 2, 2013)

SifuPhil said:


> I think it all depends upon whether or not you believe in the "universal" laws of attraction as they pertain to relationships. If you do, then relationships such as this would be seen as nothing out of the ordinary. Age is just one of many factors to be considered.
> 
> If you DON'T believe in those laws, however, you're going to see lecherous old men and oily-haired, scheming gigolos taking advantage of poor, heart-broken women.



I DO basically believe in mutual attraction of course, but it seems that when you see a great disparity in ages between people in a relationship, more often than not there is money involved.   Also, I don't believe that most older women in these relationships   are "poor, heart-broken women".  I just think they want the same thing as a man, to be made to feel younger. It's hard to be taken advantage of unless you want to be. Just saying that things other than love are a consideration. 

 Oh, and lechery is not reserved for old men..LOL


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## That Guy (May 3, 2013)

I've had girl friends much younger than myself and it usually turned out to be a mistake . . .    Well, actually, most of my girlfriends turned out to be mistakes...


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## SifuPhil (May 3, 2013)

That Guy said:


> I've had girl friends much younger than myself and it usually turned out to be a mistake . . .    Well, actually, most of my girlfriends turned out to be mistakes...



But it is in the _making_ of those mistakes that we really _live_. 

... that's what I always tell the girls in MY harem, anyway ...


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## That Guy (May 4, 2013)

Yes, it is the journey and not the destination...


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## Anne (May 4, 2013)

......I have to wonder what Hugh Hefner might contribute to this thread......


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## That Guy (May 4, 2013)

"To begin with, I fought racism, then sexism, now I'm fighting ageism. One defines oneself in one's own terms. If you let society and your peers define who you are, you're the less for it."
HUGH HEFNER, _Time Magazine_, Jun. 6, 2011


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## Anne (May 4, 2013)

That Guy said:


> "To begin with, I fought racism, then sexism, now I'm fighting ageism. One defines oneself in one's own terms. If you let society and your peers define who you are, you're the less for it."
> HUGH HEFNER, _Time Magazine_, Jun. 6, 2011




Maybe I should've wondered what the young ladies think....but then, maybe not.


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## That Guy (May 4, 2013)

"I will believe in true love when I see a pretty woman in her 20's dating a man in his 80's who is broke!"


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## Anne (May 4, 2013)

LOL, That Guy....could be.   But, I think there are different kinds of love, too.  If I'd known someone who was a lot older, but we had a lot in common, and were really friends, well, that could be a lasting love, too.

I think some of us would agree that attractiveness can get 'in the way', if other differences are pushed aside because of that....if that made sense.


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## SifuPhil (May 5, 2013)

I think the "system" is stacked against us by nature, because when you're young you are taken-in by appearances, whereas the more mature person is generally interested in personalities. 

It's easier for the older person to overlook appearances than it is for the younger crowd, whereas personality doesn't seem to matter so much to the youngsters (witness the age-old "wrong guy" syndrome).


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## That Guy (May 5, 2013)

SifuPhil said:


> (witness the age-old "wrong guy" syndrome).



That's why I keep ending up with the wrong women . . . or why they keep ending up with me...


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## SifuPhil (May 5, 2013)

That Guy said:


> That's why I keep ending up with the wrong women . . . or why they keep ending up with me...



I've often been told - usually by ex-girlfriends - that ALL women are wrong for me, or conversely that I'M wrong for all women.

... they _might_ have a point there ... that's why I'm considering taking up stamp collecting.


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## That Guy (May 5, 2013)

Beware those philatelists!  They're a wild bunch   . . .


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## SifuPhil (May 5, 2013)

That Guy said:


> Beware those philatelists!  They're a wild bunch   . . .




From left - 



Frederick J. "_First-Day Cover_" Cooper - Explosives, Misc. Ordnance
Molly "_Gutter Snipe_" Guttenburg - Covert Ops, "Honeypot" Ops
Theodore "_Perforation_" Patterson - Small Arms Expert, CCQ Instructor
Edward "_Stamper_" Szykowski - Lead Philatelist, Strategy and Tactics


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## TabbyAnn (Dec 26, 2014)

Your advice about the age factor in dating is refreshing. There would be a lot more dating, fun, and cultural enrichment if physical intimacy wasn’t the goal and object of every date.  The age obsession is about eliminating everyone who might not be an eligible sex partner. 

However, I agree with the post that said if age is the object, then better to know it sooner than later. If the first words out of a man’s mouth are "how old are you?", women can always respond by saying "It doesn’t matter because you are not attractive to me intellectually and therefore we aren't going to date."


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## oakapple (Jan 2, 2015)

If a man asked me my age on a first date, we would not be having a second date.You can get an idea of someone's age when you look at, and talk to them anyway.It's more, do you find them interesting enough to go out with them isn't it? Presuming that looks wise they are average at least.The older we get, the less age matters anyway, just the character and personality.


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## Lon (Jan 2, 2015)

Although I am in pretty good shape for my 80 years and am told that I look  and act years younger I am also realistic and confine my dating to women in their 70's despite being hit on continually by 90 year olds.


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## Ken N Tx (Jan 3, 2015)

Reminds me of when a women asked George Burns why he did not date women his own age and he replied "There aren't any!!"


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## tuti1200 (Jan 3, 2015)

Sea Sparkle    You bring up a great point ,thank you .


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