# Un-Friending People is Difficult



## fureverywhere (Nov 21, 2015)

Hum, don't think I ever did that before. Okay I've dropped off of sites when I realize the political climate is completely against my beliefs. But don't think I've ever un-friended anyone before. I mean one thing I'm passionate about is gun control. But on other sites I regularly defend some folks who are completely locked and loaded. One gentleman hails from Texas. There are members who will use Texas as the butt of every conservative joke they can come up with. But I know better. I lived in Austin for a time, used to be thee happening place for liberals and a great progressive music scene. So yes I will defend Tex, even with his rifle collection it's okay.

But most of us just have our hot button topics...deal breakers if you would.
 One lady I regularly converse with is bible belt conservative, but we get along. Don't talk religion or politics and it's all good...many other things to discuss instead. She's really a happy intelligent person and I consider her a friend.

But some topics "Black Lives Matter"...you bettah believe they do, anti-Semitism...don't get me started...homophobia is any context and no I don't have to deal with you. If someone can't understand the historical suffering of blacks, Jews, homosexuals and accept them completely...really I have better things to do than argue about it.

Off my soapbox and party on.


----------



## tnthomas (Nov 21, 2015)

We can be friends even though our beliefs differ, sometimes greatly.   Some people don't understand that.     Some people think that if you're not "with me", you must be against me.


----------



## fureverywhere (Nov 21, 2015)

Yeah but just certain things go completely against your value system ya know?


----------



## Shalimar (Nov 21, 2015)

I think the only thing that would cause me to unfriend someone would be abusive behaviour. That's a red line for me.


----------



## Ameriscot (Nov 22, 2015)

I was unfriended by someone on FB (not a real life friend) because I posted something in favour of gay marriage.  Oh well...

I have another friend who sometimes posts links to anti-Obama or right wing stuff but he never says anything hateful.  But I ignore it and he ignores all my liberal stuff.  We are friends mainly due to love of photography and being grandparents and beaches.


----------



## chic (Nov 22, 2015)

Fur, if political discussions bother you, just avoid the forums and threads. 

I've never unfriended anyone _online_. My computer is just a magic box connecting me to others around the world for a time to share and enjoy. If it becomes upsetting, I just shut the magic box off and rejoin the real world. Problem solved. It's not like it's someone I live with or work with. That _would_ be a problem.


----------



## QuickSilver (Nov 22, 2015)

fureverywhere said:


> Hum, don't think I ever did that before. Okay I've dropped off of sites when I realize the political climate is completely against my beliefs. But don't think I've ever un-friended anyone before. I mean one thing I'm passionate about is gun control. But on other sites I regularly defend some folks who are completely locked and loaded. One gentleman hails from Texas. There are members who will use Texas as the butt of every conservative joke they can come up with. But I know better. I lived in Austin for a time, used to be thee happening place for liberals and a great progressive music scene. So yes I will defend Tex, even with his rifle collection it's okay.
> 
> But most of us just have our hot button topics...deal breakers if you would.
> One lady I regularly converse with is bible belt conservative, but we get along. Don't talk religion or politics and it's all good...many other things to discuss instead. She's really a happy intelligent person and I consider her a friend.
> ...




I assume you are talking about FB....   You don't have to "unfriend" them...  just  "Unfollow" them.. that way they stay on your friend list but you are not subjected to any of their nonsense.


----------



## QuickSilver (Nov 22, 2015)

fureverywhere said:


> Yeah but just certain things go completely against your value system ya know?



I agree.. and I understand what you are saying.   In real life... I have found that if someone holds beliefs or values that are so far the opposite of mine.. there is little reason to be friends... We have very little in common and there is no basis for a friendship...   on the other hand.. when they are relatives.. it's a little harder..  I have a few relatives that are on my FB friend list the I have "unfollowed" rather than see their posts.. 

But as for casual acquaintances... if someone blurts out things that are the antitheses of my belief system... I'm not interested in even being around them.  I have no problem culling them from the herd.  Life is too short to waste time on people that upset you.


----------



## applecruncher (Nov 22, 2015)

I don’t understand why unfriending is so difficult. It’s just the click of a mouse/computer key. 

OTOH, to some people being on another person’s friends list is almost as important as life itself. So they assume everyone else feels that way, but that’s their problem. Maybe it's time to step away from the computer and make an effort to make some real friends (versus imaginary friends on a website.)

The importance and significance of being/staying on someone’s “friend” list (on FB or anyplace else) is often waaaay over-rated.

“You did/said something I don’t like” or “You’re (quasi) friends with so-and-so therefore I’ll unfriend you”. Gimme a break.  Very junior high schoolish.


----------



## WhatInThe (Nov 22, 2015)

applecruncher said:


> The importance and significance of being/staying on someone’s “friend” list (on FB or anyplace else) is often waaaay over-rated.
> 
> “You did/said something I don’t like” or “You’re (quasi) friends with so-and-so therefore I’ll unfriend you”.   Gimme a break.  Very junior high schoolish.



The expression "it's the internet" applies here.  I know at family gatherings politics are literally off the dinner table.

But never never ever worry about facebook. It's been a security risk for starters. Zuckerberg is a self absorbed pos pushing like a dealer personal life on the internet ie facebook. Facebook and all others should considered an option. 

Facebook danger reminder

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkxqPAVCO3k

And just like a boxer if one wants to spar in ring of opinion one has to be willing to take/accept a different opinion.


----------



## applecruncher (Nov 22, 2015)

If someone is crushed because of being unfriended, then they've got some deep-seated issues. Ditto for the person who thinks they are getting back at someone by unfriending them. puhleeeze.......


----------



## QuickSilver (Nov 22, 2015)

I contend that unfriending difficult and argumentative people can be the MATURE approach..  Rather than being dragged into silly and sophomoric disputes that don't matter a hill of beans in the greater scheme of things.  It's sometimes the grownup thing to do.


----------



## Falcon (Nov 22, 2015)

I can't believe so many adults (so called) put faith in "friending" and "Unfriending"  on facebook or elsewhere!

Sounds like a bunch of  4th grade girls on the school playground.  Sheeesh!


----------



## applecruncher (Nov 22, 2015)

Well stated, Falcon. :clap: It's pathetic.

There should be more important things in life than worrying about friends lists and ignore lists.  Sheesh, indeed.


----------



## Shalimar (Nov 22, 2015)

Hmmm, imaginary friends? I posit that real connection is not confined to offline. Many of have  discovered to our chagrin that so called friends in the "real world," are sometimes not who they pretend to be. Conversely, some of us build lasting connections 

with like minded people on the net. All connections are a risk. All genuine connections require effort on some level. Sadly, sometimes it is not possible to remain friends--in that case "unfriending" in some form or another is the best option, both on and offline.


----------



## QuickSilver (Nov 22, 2015)

applecruncher said:


> Well stated, Falcon. :clap: It's pathetic.
> 
> There should be more important things in life than worrying about friends lists and ignore lists.  Sheesh, indeed.




Yes AC...  I absolutely agree....


----------



## applecruncher (Nov 22, 2015)

:wink:


----------



## Bobw235 (Nov 22, 2015)

In all my years on FB, I've "unfriended" one person, a cousin whom I'd not seen in over 50 years, whose views I just couldn't tolerate.  I found I had nothing in common with this moron, and couldn't take anymore of his hate-filled diatribes.  Good riddance.  I don't need that garbage in my life.


----------



## imp (Nov 22, 2015)

Well, "friends", in real life, I have but few. In the "unreal'life", here, it seems I can be befriended. Clueless, either way.  layful:

imp


----------



## applecruncher (Nov 22, 2015)

Good for you, Bob. Some people feel that a person has to tolerate anything and everything from faaaaaaaamily. Uh, no.  If someone is abusive, a user/con, hateful, always angry, well..... good riddance, lose my number, and don't even think about darkening my doorstep.


----------



## Kadee (Nov 22, 2015)

I know people who's lives revolve arround their number of "Friends" they have on FB ..It all appears to me to be more like 3 rd grade school yard stuff, I have never been interested in joining FB ..Sure it sounds like it's good to catch up with old school / work buddies


----------



## fureverywhere (Nov 22, 2015)

Actually I don't "do" FaceBook, I was referring to someone on here who left in a huff. I know online is the virtual world, but just kind of weird watching someone unwind over a few days...and realize they aren't playing with a full deck.


----------



## applecruncher (Nov 22, 2015)

> someone on here who left in a huff.



We call that "flouncing" and "doing a hairflip". :laugh:


----------



## fureverywhere (Nov 22, 2015)

Yep that describes it welllayful:


----------



## QuickSilver (Nov 22, 2015)

That one really surprised me...


----------



## SeaBreeze (Nov 22, 2015)

fftopic: ...but this song started going through my head and I couldn't resist.


----------



## Underock1 (Nov 22, 2015)

Ameriscot said:


> I was unfriended by someone on FB (not a real life friend) because I posted something in favour of gay marriage.  Oh well...
> 
> I have another friend who sometimes posts links to anti-Obama or right wing stuff but he never says anything hateful.  But I ignore it and he ignores all my liberal stuff.  We are friends mainly due to love of photography and being grandparents and beaches.



Wouldn't it be great if life was all about photography. grandkids and beaches? I sometimes think it could be if everyone would just get on board. I know I'm dreaming. Just let me have my moment here.:star:


----------



## Shalimar (Nov 22, 2015)

Me too QS!


----------



## Karen99 (Nov 22, 2015)

I have never been involved in Facebook or Twitter, etc, and am not interested. I understand some people love it and I'm happy for them but I've resisted getting "sucked in".  I also don't care what politics a person espouses and I don't have a list of "acceptable religions"...but it's interesting learning what people believe and think.  If I like someone ...I like them and I respect their right to hold views, opinions, and beliefs different than mine.  Just because someone agrees with my political opinions (or any opinion) doesn't make them my friend..or even someone I like that much.  The virtual world is pretty amazing..long as you watch where you're going. 


:torch:


----------



## jujube (Nov 22, 2015)

applecruncher said:


> We call that "flouncing" and "doing a hairflip". :laugh:



Or YAGE (Yet Another Grand Exit)


----------



## applecruncher (Nov 22, 2015)

If written it's a GCF (goodbye cruel forum).
Getting the feeling I've missed something. Haven't seen a recent YAGE. Hmmm.

Oh well fftobed:


----------



## Shalimar (Nov 22, 2015)

What is YAGE?


----------



## SeaBreeze (Nov 22, 2015)

Post #30, Yet Another Grand Exit.


----------



## Shalimar (Nov 22, 2015)

Thank you SB. The only YAGE I knew about is a mild South American high inducing drug.


----------



## Susie (Nov 22, 2015)

applecruncher said:


> We call that "flouncing" and "doing a hairflip". :laugh:


"flouncing"
"doing a hairflip"
"culling from the herd"
"to 'unfriend' someone"
"GCF"
Das sind ganz neue Begriffe fuer mich!
(Now figure that one out!)    :saywhat:


----------



## Butterfly (Nov 22, 2015)

I've just never gotten involved in the facebook thing.   I do know a couple people who are positively obsessive-compulsive about it, though.  Kinda weird,IMO.


----------



## hollydolly (Nov 22, 2015)

Butterfly said:


> I've just never gotten involved in the facebook thing.   I do know a couple people who are positively obsessive-compulsive about it, though.  Kinda weird,IMO.



Me neither...I do have  a FB account but it's just really to keep an eye on the kids and what they're up to...or I'd be totally out of the loop. ..but I rarely post on it..I am absolutely at a loss to know how people's lives revolve around it.


----------



## Bee (Nov 22, 2015)

hollydolly said:


> Me neither...I do have  a FB account but it's just really to keep an eye on the kids and what they're up to...or I'd be totally out of the loop. ..but I rarely post on it.._*I am absolutely at a loss to know how people's lives revolve around it*_.



No different to peoples lives revolving around forums.


----------



## hollydolly (Nov 23, 2015)

Bee said:


> No different to peoples lives revolving around forums.



Possibly...but unlike many on FB I don't feel the desperate need  to log onto a forum when I'm at work or standing in a Queue just to tell people I'm standing in a queue.. ..nor do I feel the need to have 3 million followers /friends...whom I never speak to or barely know..


----------



## Kadee (Nov 23, 2015)

hollydolly said:


> Possibly...but unlike many on FB I don't feel the desperate need  to log onto a forum when I'm at work or standing in a Queue just to tell people I'm standing in a queue.. ..nor do I feel the need to have 3 million followers /friends...whom I never speak to or barely know..


:thumbsup: Holly, I personally don't care what people do in their homes/ cars but it annoys me when people are playing with their phones while going through supermarket checkouts ,then have to look for their purse / credit card to pay for goods beacuse they were to busy checking FB ..(Costco won't serve anyone on the phone)


----------



## hollydolly (Nov 23, 2015)

Kadee46 said:


> :thumbsup: Holly, I personally don't care what people do in their homes/ cars but it annoys me when people are playing with their phones while going through supermarket checkouts ,then have to look for their purse / credit card to pay for goods beacuse they were to busy checking FB ..(Costco won't serve anyone on the phone)



Absolutely agree kadee... it's very irritating. ...and another is walking right across the road in front of my car without looking because they're so engrossed reading their phone.!!


----------



## Bee (Nov 23, 2015)

hollydolly said:


> Possibly...but unlike many on FB I don't feel the desperate need  to log onto a forum when I'm at work or standing in a Queue just to tell people I'm standing in a queue.. ..nor do I feel the need to have 3 million followers /friends...whom I never speak to or barely know..



By the same token I don't need to bare my soul on a forum about my personal life......I don't need FB to keep up with my family, we have phones and Skype for that...............................crikey I have never yet met anyone with 3 million followers/friends.


----------



## Bee (Nov 23, 2015)

Kadee46 said:


> :thumbsup: Holly, I personally don't care what people do in their homes/ cars but it annoys me when people are playing with their phones while going through supermarket checkouts ,then have to look for their purse / credit card to pay for goods beacuse they were to busy checking FB ..(Costco won't serve anyone on the phone)



How can you be sure people are checking FB or is that just an assumption on your part................as a person that used to be a supermarket cashier it used to annoy me until a customer took a call about a death in the family, never again did I get annoyed about customers and their phones because I just didn't know the reason they were on it.

Anyway enough of all this silly nonsense I must check my FB account before I start my day.


----------



## Kadee (Nov 23, 2015)

Bee said:


> How can you be sure people are checking FB or is that just an assumption on your part................as a person that used to be a supermarket cashier it used to annoy me until a customer took a call about a death in the family, never again did I get annoyed about customers and their phones because I just didn't know the reason they were on it.
> 
> Anyway enough of all this silly nonsense I must check my FB account before I start my day.


Bee, no it's NOT an assumption on my part ......I see them because I'm standing right along side of them waiting to be served ....And I know what FB pages looks like  It's becoming more common in supermarkets/ large chain stores, I Now choose to use the self service option if it's available where I'm shopping to ovoid such people.. Another point is we have had 90 people killed on our roads 
( that's only in South Australia ) so far in 2015 ..30% of those killed this year were using their phone ..


----------



## chic (Nov 23, 2015)

I'm grateful that SF has a _GAMES_ section. Everyone there gets along and no one gets mad or unfriends anyone else. You meet a lot of interesting people from all over the world, have fun and make a ton of worthwhile friends. 
It's like kids who love each other while at play yet feel like murdering each other when life gets too serious. If I'm being lambasted on the political forums, I step back, play some games and enjoy myself because that's what an internet forum should be about. Why be tortured by another or their opinions? Life is too short. There are lots of people here worth knowing. Like any relationship those online require work, and understanding but also funtime. IMHO.

FB is something I have but don't really bother with. I think it's more essential for younger people, perhaps.


----------



## Bee (Nov 23, 2015)

> I'm grateful that SF has a GAMES section. Everyone there gets along and no one gets mad or unfriends anyone else. You meet a lot of interesting people from all over the world, have fun and make a ton of worthwhile friends.


I play games on FB and have made friends through that from all over the world and we often have a friendly banter between ourselves..............hmmm not much different to forums.

Facebook versus forums have been discussed on here so many times that it is now getting boring so I am now out of this discussion and onto more interesting things.


----------



## Ameriscot (Nov 23, 2015)

We've had these FB bashing threads before.  I love FB.  It's the easiest way to keep in touch with my friends and family in the US, UK, Australia, and Uganda.  I feel no need to defend it.  If you don't like FB, even when you've never been on it, then don't use it.  End of.


----------



## QuickSilver (Nov 23, 2015)

Ameriscot said:


> We've had these FB bashing threads before.  I love FB.  It's the easiest way to keep in touch with my friends and family in the US, UK, Australia, and Uganda.  I feel no need to defend it.  If you don't like FB, even when you've never been on it, then don't use it.  End of.



I like it too... and use it for communication with family and friends...  I always do it via Private messaging..   Nothing of any sensitive nature is aired out in the open..  My news feed consists mostly of cartoons... pet pictures... and interesting articles and videos.   NO DIRTY LAUNDRY..


----------



## Ameriscot (Nov 23, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> I like it too... and use it for communication with family and friends...  I always do it via Private messaging..   Nothing of any sensitive nature is aired out in the open..  My news feed consists mostly of cartoons... pet pictures... and interesting articles and videos.   NO DIRTY LAUNDRY..



I use PM's a lot instead of email.  A couple of friends occasionally post dirty laundry but very rarely.  I have about 180 friends, 3/4 of which I know in 'real life', the rest I've known online for years, some up to 13 years (American expats or people from a baby boomer forum).  My posts and those of friends can be anything from political, travel photos, family photos, links to items of interest, jokes, health issues, books or films we like, I get links to stories from the Guardian newspaper, Buddhist sites, liberal sites, photography tips, etc etc etc.


----------



## Karen99 (Nov 24, 2015)

I just want to clarify that my decision not to use FB is just a choice.  I didn't say that to offend anyone cause quite honestly I totally get that some people love it for their own personal reasons.  I'm very fine with that as I do have family and friends who use it.  I get requests and say no..but it's never been a point of contention or trouble between me and anyone I care about. I enjoy texting, phone calls, cards, etc.  I only text at home when I'm relaxing  

This is my first experience with a forum and I'm enjoying various aspects of it. I am very much a live and let live kind of person.  I am able to see and understand another's pov without it being any threat to my own.  Anyway, I just wanted to say that.  

eace:


----------



## applecruncher (Nov 24, 2015)

Karen99 said:


> I just want to clarify that my decision not to use FB is just a choice. I didn't say that to offend anyone cause quite honestly I totally get that some people love it for their own personal reasons. I'm very fine with that as I do have family and friends who use it. I get requests and say no..but it's never been a point of contention or trouble between me and anyone I care about. I enjoy texting, phone calls, cards, etc. I only text at home when I'm relaxing
> 
> This is my first experience with a forum and I'm enjoying various aspects of it. I am very much a live and let live kind of person. I am able to see and understand another's pov without it being any threat to my own. Anyway, I just wanted to say that.
> 
> eace:



Don't even give it a second thought, Karen99. I don't see where you or anyone offended anyone.  People who look for something to argue about will easily find it.

As I understand it, this thread is about Unfriending (on FB and elsewhere) – not about the general use of FB or asking for advice about how they can deal with their dislike of FB (if that is even the case). 

Anyway, I know of people who, on the rare occasions when they are not actually on FB, they’re talking about how many people are on their FB friend’s lists and being unfriended and who they unfriended and who they are thinking of unfriending and why.


----------



## hollydolly (Nov 24, 2015)

applecruncher said:


> Don't even give it a second thought, Karen99. I don't see where you or anyone offended anyone.  People who look for something to argue about will easily find it.
> 
> *As I understand it, this thread is about Unfriending (on FB and elsewhere) – not about the general use of FB or asking for advice about how they can deal with their dislike of FB (if that is even the case).*
> 
> Anyway, I know of people who, on the rare occasions when they are not actually on FB, they’re talking about how many people are on their FB friend’s lists and being unfriended and who they unfriended and who they are thinking of unfriending and why.



Agreed!!


----------



## Kitties (Nov 24, 2015)

I was unfriended by a former co-worker. Not sure why. And I recently unfriended by boss. When I became facebook friends with her a number of years ago, she wasn't my boss. And I've just had it with her anyway. It just seemed unprofessional to have your boss as a facebook friend.


----------



## fureverywhere (Nov 24, 2015)

I did briefly venture on FaceBook to try to crowd fund my dogs knee surgery. Didn't work out so well but three positive things

I got to tell my estranged kid that I'm still her mother and she can't do a frickin' thing about it, have a nice life...

I saw my cousin turned into Jabba the Hut with a beard

Something happy, I looked up a Jr High crush and got to see the handsome man he became


----------



## jujube (Nov 24, 2015)

Like others, I don't usually unfriend anyone, I just stop following them.  I have no idea whether the "unfriended" gets some sort of notification that they have been dropped and I don't want to hurt their feelings.  

I've had to drop a cousin and a couple of friends who constantly post the _warning-warning-warning _type of things without ever checking to see if it really happened, a few that do the "immediately pass this on to 10 of your friends......someone didn't and a nuclear bomb dropped on their house the next day" (I don't need this, I really don't need this) and a couple who perpetually "vaguebook" (a post consisting of nothing but something like "oh, well, maybe tomorrow will be better" or "sometimes it just doesn't seem worth it" or "well, I won't do THAT again..." or "I'm just soooo disappointed", which is essentially begging everyone to immediately drop what they are doing and start posting "OH, NO, WHAT IS WRONG????" and beg for an explanation.  I know the difference between someone who's depressed and the constant attention-seeker.


----------



## Butterfly (Nov 25, 2015)

Like Karen99 above, when I posted above that I don't use Facebook, I didn't mean to badmouth anyone who does.  It just isn't my thing.


----------



## QuickSilver (Nov 25, 2015)

For crying out loud... who's offended?   I'm not... I just posted about how I use FB...  If others choose not to .....  I don't care...  to each his/her own.


----------



## Ameriscot (Nov 25, 2015)

I'm not offended by people who choose not to use it.  I do get annoyed with people who bash it without ever having used it.  My sister is one of those.  All she hears is the negative stuff from people with idiotic friends so she decides it's all like that.  

One of my brothers won't use it either.  On a trip to Michigan for xmas one year we had just returned from living in Uganda in Oct, went to Australia in Nov, home of course, then the US.  When my brother said those who use FB need to get a life, I quickly shut him up by telling him I'm been on 4 continents in the last 3 months.  I guess you can have a life and be on FB.  layful:

Then there are the ones that say if they want to talk to someone they just pick up the phone.  Or email. Uh huh.  Fine.  You do that.  I have to make an extra effort to email this sister and brother to share photos etc and to keep in touch.


----------



## Pappy (Nov 25, 2015)

I've been on FB for a number of years and enjoy it, most of the time. I've never unfriended anyone one that I can recall. There are a few that I could unfriend, but probably won't. The ones that send pictures of piles of money and tell me that to pass it on, I will receive a big payoff...yeah...sure.

It is a good way to keep in touch with my distant family and friends. I never friend anyone I don't know.


----------



## Ameriscot (Nov 25, 2015)

Pappy said:


> I've been on FB for a number of years and enjoy it, most of the time. I've never unfriended anyone one that I can recall. There are a few that I could unfriend, but probably won't. The ones that send pictures of piles of money and tell me that to pass it on, I will receive a big payoff...yeah...sure.
> 
> It is a good way to keep in touch with my distant family and friends. I never friend anyone I don't know.



I simply scroll past those kinds of posts, and I've also learned to check the facts before sharing certain political/health/social types of posts.  I don't friend anyone I don't know or haven't known online for at least several years (expats/boomers/photographers).  It is the ideal way for me to keep in touch with many.


----------



## Kitties (Nov 25, 2015)

jujube, I don't think anyone gets a notification when you unfriend them. When my former co-worker unfriended me, I checked my friend list (I don't have that many) when I noticed no posts from her and she was gone. I didn't do it so she must have.


----------



## applecruncher (Nov 25, 2015)

I heard something on a talk show earlier this week about a company that – for a fee (didn’t catch the amount) – will call your bf/gf/friend and terminate the relationship. Kind of a paid “unfriending”. If the person doesn’t answer they leave a voice mail. Actually it works better via voice mail.

_“Hello, I’m calling on behalf of ______, I’m sorry to inform you that s/he feels the relationship is no longer working for him/her and that you both need to move on. _______ wishes you nothing but good things” etc. etc.

_ :lofl:


----------



## Kitties (Nov 26, 2015)

Dear John and Jane letters for the modern age!


----------



## Shalimar (Nov 26, 2015)

Kitties, too funny!


----------

