# How do you feel about looking up friends you haven't seen in decades?



## fuzzybuddy (Mar 16, 2019)

I got nostalgic for the guys I met while I was in the Navy. When you think about it, I knew these guys for just a few months, but I have vivid memories of them.  It's been well over 50 years since I've heard of them. I thought about looking them up.  Surprisingly, a lot of people have said not to do it. I guess I know I'm not going to meet that 18year old guy again, but a 70+ geezer. I dunno. What do you think?


----------



## AZ Jim (Mar 16, 2019)

You can never go back!


----------



## Don M. (Mar 16, 2019)

We went back to Denver in 2010...to visit relatives, and attend the 50th anniversary of my high school graduation.  Out of nearly 600 who graduated, about 250 showed up...the rest had probably moved away, or passed away, or had no interest.  I took along my old yearbook, and I was hard pressed to recognize more than a dozen or so.  I do continue to exchange e-mails with one of the guys I knew from the USAF, who lives in Plano, Tx., but his health is waning, so I may not have him much longer.


----------



## Aunt Bea (Mar 17, 2019)

I've kept track of the few friends that I've made over the years.

As far as acquaintances from high school, work, etc... I have no interest in them and they don't appear to have any interest in me.

Let sleeping dogs lie. layful:nthego:


----------



## win231 (Mar 17, 2019)

Sometimes I'll think about people I haven't seen in a long time - I'll wonder where they are, what they're doing, etc.  But then I'll remember WHY I haven't seen them, or why I stopped seeing them.


----------



## retiredtraveler (Mar 17, 2019)

I keep thinking of looking up college girlfriend. Have not seen since 1971. Too frightened. I'll just keep thinking...............


----------



## WhatInThe (Mar 17, 2019)

win231 said:


> Sometimes I'll think about people I haven't seen in a long time - I'll wonder where they are, what they're doing, etc.  But then I'll remember WHY I haven't seen them, or why I stopped seeing them.



That's the thing, there are reasons explicit or implied that people stopped seeing each other. Some literally move on. If people really wanted to stay in touch they would call or send a real letter or note, not a form letter xmas card. 

I know people who want absolutely nothing to do with old friends partly to maintain their image and/or cover up poop. I got a lecture from someone for talking to one of their old friends because that friend knew the crowd their ex hung around with(hint-nasty break up)

But in the day and age of social media and internet resources if somebody really wanted to say hi, how are you doing they could do it. But do they want to. Sometimes it's best to move on and look at the past as a closed chapter. A continuous relationship shouldn't be forced, contrived or feel like work or an obligation.


----------



## Ken N Tx (Mar 17, 2019)

I found 2 Members from our wedding party (1963) whom I had lost contact with..


----------



## DaveA (Mar 17, 2019)

Just had lunch this week with a fellow that I hadn't seen in 27 years.  We worked together and he took over my position when I retired.  Also get together, from time to time, with the best man at our wedding, back in 1956. We were high school friends back then, in '50-'51 and have stayed in touch over the years.

As for high school reunions, we get an invite each time but only went once -the 15th year after graduation. That was in 1966 and that was one too many for us.  Never attended another.


----------



## jujube (Mar 17, 2019)

I do enjoy tracking down old friends. Sometimes, there's nothing there for us to talk about. Sometimes, we really pick it back up again.

I've been trying to track down my Maid of Honor, from 50 years ago.  About 45 years ago, she got involved with some extreme religious group and asked us not to contact her, as she couldn't be associated with us, the unbelievers.  I pleaded to still be friends, but never heard from her again.  I think I have tracked her down but I'm nervous about the reception I might get.  I'm trying to get my nerve up to send her a letter.


----------



## Wren (Mar 17, 2019)

I think if your old friends had been close, a lot of fun and you just drifted apart over the years it might be interesting to meet again now you’re all older, see how their lives had turned out,  but I would definately contact them first to make sure they were up for it, not just turn up out of the blue if you happened to be in their area...


----------



## Pauline1954 (Mar 17, 2019)

Well some of your lost friends may have gone to the other side. That could be a downer. But i have reconnected with a few people. Some are still in the same little town. Theres nothing wrong with doing this. If you wonder then try and find them.


----------



## fuzzybuddy (Mar 17, 2019)

I thought it would be fun to look people up. But most people told me to let sleeping dogs lie. My mom tried to get me to meet a high school classmate. For some reason, I just never did.


----------



## Seeker (Mar 17, 2019)

I've hooked up with several friends I went to school with and love it.

Talkin bout the stupid things we did "way back when".

Thankin God we have grown up......

On the other hand findin out those who have passed is not so much fun.......


----------



## Keesha (Mar 18, 2019)

Oddly enough on my birthday last month I hooked up with some friends from high school. My brother met up with me in Toronto to see a jazz band he had started playing with in high school. These friends still played in the band but he didn’t tell me so when one of them went to hug me during intermission, I wasn’t too happy but soon discovered who it was. He was a guy in my music class who I was quite fond of and it was fun seeing him again. 
The band sounded great and it was so much fun. Here is the band I saw. My brother is definitely more into jazz than I am 




Now tomorrow night I’m going to see a quintet jazz band where I’m going to see an old girlfriend of mine that I’ve known for over 50 years. There entire family were friends with our family but her parents have since died. I’m getting a bit nervous but it will be fun to see her. I’ll take some pictures of the band.


----------



## paxtonstafford (Mar 19, 2019)

I struggle with that routinely, guess cause lonesome...I suppose...but never really do it. most. if not all are dead -anyone still alive may have dementia or worse if anything is worse...but it is safe bet they do not give a s*** about me or they would have looked me up ...even though I have gone to great effort not to be easily found...but anymore with internet...hard not to be found unless you live in the forest. -so best let sleeping dogs lie..or lay...maybe the are lying layers..that is my take never the less I wonder....often-especially about an old love...


----------



## Falcon (Mar 19, 2019)

None    close enough  to visit  often.  Others:  Keep in touch via internet  or phone.  Few &  few  are left  as the years  go by.


----------



## Seeker (Mar 19, 2019)

Falcon said:


> None    close enough  to visit  often.  Others:  Keep in touch via internet  or phone.  Few &  few  are left  as the years  go by.



That's the worse part.... finding out how many are gone.

I'm still trying to find a few......

It's strange though how you can kinda just pick up where you left off and talk to them as if it was years ago.


----------



## Michella A (Mar 19, 2019)

I say find who you can if they are on your mind. All the friends I can remember have already past on and I regret I did not reach out sooner


----------



## Keesha (Mar 19, 2019)

Hooked up with an old friend tonight. My brother, my nephew, my friend and her husband went to see a jazz quintet tonight. It was a really fancy place. Many were dressed up and at intermission drinks were served. It was a real ritzy event. 
I hadn’t seen this friend in about 20 years and have known her since I was 5 years old. We both came to Canada just months apart and they used to live down the street from  us. It was so very excited so I got my brother to take a picture of us at the coffee shop afterwards. Not knowing the dress code I was dressed casually we HERE is my girlfriend that I’ve known for 54 years. We laughed. We cried. It was fun.


----------



## hollydolly (Mar 20, 2019)

Nice photo...you look like sisters


----------



## Keesha (Mar 20, 2019)

Thanks Holly. She does look a bit like an older sister. 
A much older sister. nthego:
Anyway I invited her to our summer BBQ this year and we agreed to keep in touch. 
Get this! Her husband leaves her by herself for three months every summer. I couldn’t believe it. 
If my husband did that he’d be best off not coming back.


----------



## WhatInThe (Mar 20, 2019)

paxtonstafford said:


> I struggle with that routinely, guess cause lonesome...I suppose...but never really do it. most. if not all are dead -anyone still alive may have dementia or worse if anything is worse...but it is safe bet they do not give a s*** about me or they would have looked me up ...even though I have gone to great effort not to be easily found...but anymore with internet...hard not to be found unless you live in the forest. -so best let sleeping dogs lie..or lay...maybe the are lying layers..that is my take never the less I wonder....often-especially about an old love...



Not only do I have no social media profile I catch flack from others for not responding to emails with-in hours. They want instant responses, if not you are in the contact dog house-ah the peace and quiet.

The only reason many old classmates want to 'reach out' and are satisfied with contact with anyone  is that there is no one else. Old classmates frequently tend to be the consolation prize for those that wouldn't give one the time of day or recognize them on the street a year after graduation.

But I rest assured of my peace. I recently did something I never thought I would do. I was looking for something else in my old school town. Class of websites came up in search results. I relented and searched my class-there are none-lol. Classes before and after had one but apparently the year I graduated has no social media presence unless there on facebook or something. YES!


----------



## Keesha (Mar 20, 2019)

paxtonstafford said:


> I struggle with that routinely, guess cause lonesome...I suppose...but never really do it. most. if not all are dead -anyone still alive may have dementia or worse if anything is worse...but it is safe bet they do not give a s*** about me or they would have looked me up ...even though I have gone to great effort not to be easily found...but anymore with internet...hard not to be found unless you live in the forest. -so best let sleeping dogs lie..or lay...maybe the are lying layers..that is my take never the less I wonder....often-especially about an old love...


Hmmmmm.... well I’m not a liar but I do live in the forest . 


WhatInThe said:


> Not only do I have no social media profile I catch flack from others for not responding to emails with-in hours. They want instant responses, if not you are in the contact dog house-ah the peace and quiet.
> 
> The only reason many old classmates want to 'reach out' and are satisfied with contact with anyone  is that there is no one else. Old classmates frequently tend to be the consolation prize for those that wouldn't give one the time of day or recognize them on the street a year after graduation.


I’m not on Facebook either or any other social media except for this site and one other and perhaps the reason most people reach out is because they are lonely but I think it depends on the people you are meeting up with, how old they are and how you met in the first place. 

In my particular case it was the love of playing a musical instrument that brought us back together and I have no regrets. Oddly enough I am a loner. My brother is the passive socialist in our family  and I’m glad he reached out to me and helped reconnect me to these people from my past. Sure it’s nerve wracking but worth it.


----------



## Ruth n Jersey (Mar 20, 2019)

I have no interest at all. I'm on Facebook only to keep up with the kids and grandkids and do not list my maiden name. Many of my good friends have passed on and I have no desire to contact or be contacted by acquaintances from way back. I  have my family and friends who are left and that's enough for me.


----------



## OneEyedDiva (Mar 23, 2019)

I did it with one friend. I found her on Facebook. At first I thought she didn't want to be bothered because she didn't respond to my private message. But turns out it was just that she doesn't go on FB much. We were good friends and neighbors during from our pre-teen years until my early 20's. Shortly after I had my son (at 21), I moved to another neighborhood. She was so excited when she got in touch with me on FB. We exchanged numbers and our first call lasted almost 3 hours with plenty of laughing and sharing. Whew! We had a lot to catch up on and hearing her voice was delightful. We have kept in contact since.


----------



## OneEyedDiva (Mar 23, 2019)

Keesha said:


> Hooked up with an old friend tonight. My brother, my nephew, my friend and her husband went to see a jazz quintet tonight. It was a really fancy place. Many were dressed up and at intermission drinks were served. It was a real ritzy event.
> I hadn’t seen this friend in about 20 years and have known her since I was 5 years old. We both came to Canada just months apart and they used to live down the street from  us. It was so very excited so I got my brother to take a picture of us at the coffee shop afterwards. Not knowing the dress code I was dressed casually we HERE is my girlfriend that I’ve known for 54 years. We laughed. We cried. It was fun.
> 
> View attachment 63498


Oh how nice! Glad you had such a good time.  In the Jazz clubs around here, people may show up dressed up, casual or whatever.  You know you can't go wrong with black.


----------



## Keesha (Mar 23, 2019)

OneEyedDiva said:


> Oh how nice! Glad you had such a good time.  In the Jazz clubs around here, people may show up dressed up, casual or whatever.  You know you can't go wrong with black.




Thanks OneEyedDiva
If I had known it was more of a formal affair I would have worn something more formal. It appeared from my friends attire that I was ok since we both wore nice black leggings, high heeled boots, and I colourful short sleeved blouse. I’m hunched over to get my face aligned with my friends for the picture since I was too high otherwise but it is a nice blouse. 


There were drinks served and tables to sit and drink while listening but we picked front row seats. My brother was sitting right up front of the trumpet player so he couldn’t have been happier. My friend and her husband both play saxophone, ( I played in their stage band ) so appreciated the concert. It was ritzy and nice. 


The only thing that I didn’t really appreciate was that it was live streaming, courtesy of Humber College so we were featured without our consent. I kept ducking & Just before this quintet started playing they made an interview. I’m not sure if it was because we were in the front seat but we kept getting filmed. This is a fairly boring interview but you can see me at the front with the long hair ducking every time. 


My brother sent this to me saying we looked like a bunch of jazz groupies. :lofl:


https://m.facebook.com/story.php?st.../100018551833935/videos/336470526981339/&_rdr


It was a nice concert. Dave young plays the stand up bass and has even played with Oscar Peterson.


----------



## oldman (Mar 23, 2019)

Funny you should ask. I just heard that a boyhood friend and classmate of mine is not doing well. I am strongly thinking about calling him. We got separated after high school. He was drafted and I went to college. Then, he came home and I went into the Marines. We just never hooked up again, except at a couple of h.s. reunions and always promising to call each other, but that never happened.


----------



## fmdog44 (Mar 23, 2019)

I was sent pics of my pals I have not seen in 40 yers and it verifed we have gotten older.


----------



## Pinky (Mar 24, 2019)

About 3 yrs. ago, I joined Fb to look for a couple of women who were co-workers, then became close friends, back in the 60's/70's and into the 80's. Through all of us changing jobs/moving, etc. we lost touch. I found one through her daughter. We kept in touch for a short time, then drifted apart again. The other one, I've kept in close touch with .. she lives
in another Province, but we email regularly and send one another Birthday gifts.


----------



## JustBonee (Mar 24, 2019)

I've been in contact with friends from high school in recent years.  For a short time, it's fun,  and catching up with happenings in their lives is interesting.   But then it seems to lose the appeal that it started out to be. ... so back into the past those friendships go.  
Sad, but pretty common for most it seems.


----------



## Victor (Mar 25, 2019)

Depending how old they are, some may have passed away.
You need to ready to discover and accept this. I don't want to find out.
Or you could find out that they became more successful than you.
I have tried this many times, usually disappointed at lack of results. They
are not likely to be in Facebook or social media. Married women are much harder
to look up because their names changed.
You may need to be very persistent in searching.
As a very last resort, you could hire a P.I.


----------



## ClassicRockr (Mar 25, 2019)

Since wife and I were on a week-long business trip to southeastern Michigan for the company she was working for in 2008, we decided to drive the rental car down to my old farm home area of northeastern Indiana. IOW, the outskirts of Churubusco and Huntertown. Along with seeing the old farm, also stopped an seen a couple of high school classmates (one a full-time farmer) and another friend (also a full-time farmer). All three were pretty amazed at seeing this, what they called "burley guy", because I was so, so skinny when we graduated in 1968 as well as when they seen me at our 20 year class reunion in 1988. It was very, very cool seeing them again. 

Some of the rest of my 1968 classmates are on Facebook, but we only communicate thru that website. Got on Facebook when one of the classmates made a FB page for the class in 2010 for the upcoming class reunion that I wasn't able to attend.


----------



## WhatInThe (Mar 25, 2019)

Bonnie said:


> I've been in contact with friends from high school in recent years.  For a short time, it's fun,  and catching up with happenings in their lives is interesting.   But then it seems to lose the appeal that it started out to be. ... so back into the past those friendships go.
> Sad, but pretty common for most it seems.



If this person really wanted to keep in contact or hang with you they would've done it long ago. Distance does affect relationships but there's always been the phone or snail mail let alone the internet. I kept in contact by phone, cards, email or contact for decades but there is at least regular quarterly contact.

Personally besides nostalgia I hate to say it but there is boredom factor since many lose friends to health or distance. Some rekindled acquaintances are a consolation prize of sorts. Eyes were always on first prize when younger.

 I also notice that many all of the sudden have an interest of their family history yet have no desire to contact never met relatives down. Heck I have known relatives I lost contact with because of distance. And if you having nothing in common or either party is extremely busy separation and detachment will happen, it's a natural evolution of things.


----------



## Sassycakes (Mar 25, 2019)

I am still friends with the close friends I had growing up. We never lost touch. The only ones I haven't kept in contact with are because sadly they have passed away. I really can't think of anyone from my past that I miss having contact with anymore.


----------



## rkunsaw (Mar 25, 2019)

Timely post. Just a few days ago I got a friend request from someone who was a close friend of my son. I guess it had been at least 30 years since I'd seen or heard from him. We're hoping to get together and talk over old times soon.


----------



## oldman (Mar 25, 2019)

I still haven't called my old friend. My wife is now reminding me (putting it nicely) to pick up the phone and call him. It just seems to be so awkward. We haven's spoken in ages and now to call him and he may be in bad health seems kind of patronizing.


----------



## fuzzybuddy (Mar 31, 2019)

I'm surprised at the number of people, who say "let sleeping dogs lie". I happened to mention to my mom about a classmate of mine. We were in school-over 50 years ago. Well, she called him and told him that I wanted to meet him again. I didn't.  All I could think of was after a few "do you remember the time?", what we were we going to say. 50 years is a hell of a lot time. We both never called each other. And people aren't the same 13-18 year olds they were way back when. Plus, half my classmates have passed on, and I'm only 73.


----------

