# What Surname To Choose?



## RadishRose (Sep 20, 2014)

A friend of mine has a son who is gay and has been with his partner for quite a few years. They decided to have a baby via a surrogate mother. The mother was given sperm from each.

They have not decided yet on the surname. We were wondering what would be most appropriate but can't decide. Should the name be related to the "roles" of each of the two, but there is no particular "role".

Does anyone think that after a DNA test the child's surname should be determined by its biological parent?

Any other ideas? The pair are not disclosing anything at this point. We are just curious. Baby due pretty soon


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## hollydolly (Sep 20, 2014)

What about a hyphenated name of both the fathers... Baby brown-smith for example


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## Meanderer (Sep 20, 2014)

They should make their decision based on what will be best for the child growing up.  I think he/she will be confused enough without a hyphenated surname.


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## hollydolly (Sep 20, 2014)

Why would a hyphenated name confuse a child, millions of people have hyphenated surnames..


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## SeaBreeze (Sep 20, 2014)

From what I understand, one partner generally takes the dominant role in the relationship, as a husband would normally do.  I would think that's the last name that would be chosen for the child, if both partners are in agreement of course.  I'm with Meanderer on keeping it simple, without the hyphenated name.


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## Meanderer (Sep 20, 2014)

hollydolly said:


> Why would a hyphenated name confuse a child, millions of people have hyphenated surnames..


I just think any non-biological child, with a surrogate  Mother who is inactive, and two active duty Fathers/Whatever, and four names, might run the risk of growing up confused.  
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tessa-blake/kids-hyphenated-last-names_b_1215191.html


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## hollydolly (Sep 20, 2014)

Not 4 names meanderer, just a double barrelled surname....for example the baby could be called ... robert Brown-jones  or Tracy green-smith!

I'm supposing that once the surrogate gave birth she would have no further input in the childs' life, and therefore the child would just have 2 parents .. albeit both male!


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## SeaBreeze (Sep 20, 2014)

Most people, in America anyway, also have a middle name.  Catholics may also add on a Confirmation name to that.  So it could be Robert Theodore Joseph Brown-Jones.


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## Falcon (Sep 20, 2014)

My middle name is my mother's surname.  I think that's fairly common.


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## RadishRose (Sep 20, 2014)

These reponses are interesting!   I didn't mention that each have quite long and often mis-pronounced surnames as it is, otherwise I think the hyphenated name could work. I have a feeling now that I read Sea's input, they may have established roles for themselves and will go with that . Just us old biddies wondering how it will come out.


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## Falcon (Sep 20, 2014)

Parents should be VERY careful, and not too hasty, regarding naming their offspring. Especially "given" names.
Even considering what their initials would spell out when seen. Also consider gender names that are used by either/both.
I'm thinking names like Lynn, Robin etc.
Our names are very important...used throughout our lives, unless changed. I've seen some really UGLY names and some
folks stick with them because of family tradition while others either change them or spell them differently.
Kids suffer because what others call them on the playground @ school.  
The DMV scans all entries for special license plates to make sure they can't be interpretered differently.
Same thing with names.  THINK about it !


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## Meanderer (Sep 20, 2014)

hollydolly said:


> Not 4 names meanderer, just a double barrelled surname....for example the baby could be called ... robert Brown-jones  or Tracy green-smith!
> 
> I'm supposing that once the surrogate gave birth she would have no further input in the childs' life, and therefore the child would just have 2 parents .. albeit both male!


He/she will have a first name, a middle name and 2 last/name = 4 names.  As for the Mother...they might wonder some day.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Sep 20, 2014)

I wonder what other gay/lesbian partners do? There must be forums for LGBT. Maybe an amalgam of their two lengthy and unpronounceable names that they could legally change their names to as well. That way the child and the parents would all have the same last name.


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## Mrs. Robinson (Sep 20, 2014)

This is off topic as far as names go but we had lesbian couple as neighbors years ago,they had a child using a sperm donor and he was very much a part of the little boy`s life. In fact,one day they all turned up on the Phil Donahue Show, talking about their situation. I`ve wondered what ever became of them all-the women ended up splitting up after about ten years together. The boy is around 35 now.


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## jujube (Oct 15, 2014)

I've always wondered what happens when Mary Smith-Jones marries John Brown-Thomas and she keeps her name.  They have a child, who they want to have a hyphenated last name for.  Would the child be Susie Smith-Jones-Brown-Thomas?


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## Lee (Oct 16, 2014)

Is a name change possible for one of the partners so they both have the same surname to pass along to baby?


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## oakapple (Oct 17, 2014)

RadishRose said:


> These reponses are interesting! I didn't mention that each have quite long and often mis-pronounced surnames as it is, otherwise I think the hyphenated name could work. I have a feeling now that I read Sea's input, they may have established roles for themselves and will go with that . Just us old biddies wondering how it will come out.


Whoa! this is getting complicated.


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## tnthomas (Oct 17, 2014)

I suppose the hyphenated surname option would be the most direct solution.      Just a thought:  I'm willing to bet money that the biological mother will have a change of heart, and want to be involved in the baby's life.


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## RadishRose (Oct 17, 2014)

The baby is due sometime next month. I'm looking forward to finding out!


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## Debby (Oct 19, 2014)

hollydolly said:


> What about a hyphenated name of both the fathers... Baby brown-smith for example




Good suggestion and they could either draw straws or have them alphabetically to avoid friction.  Some people might be a little uptight about who gets top billing.


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## Bettyann (Nov 2, 2014)

Hollydolly has the best idea. I have a daughter and granddaughter who use hyphenated surnames. Nothing confusing there whatsoever. And besides... when one comes of age, if they don't like their name...simply legally change it. No big deal. Unless you make it into one.


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## RadishRose (Nov 28, 2014)

Baby boy here! Surname is the name of just one of them.


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## Vivjen (Nov 28, 2014)

Congrats!


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