# The Attack of the Phones



## SifuPhil

Okay, so I don't like phones very much. Call it a phobia or just a strong dislike, but I've never been much for them - I much prefer doing my business by email or even (Buddha forbid!) postal mail.

But lately, with all the new things I'm trying to market my writing, I'm finding that I have to have a valid phone number if only to serve as what these places call "verification" - to prove that I'm a human, I suppose.

Now, I already have several cell phones (no land lines) that I've accumulated over the years, most of which would cause your typical modern teenager to roll on the floor laughing if they were ever presented with them. The latest model I have is an *LG800G* which I purchased for use with a *Trac-Phone* pay-as-you-go plan.



Yeah, I know - it looks like the kind of phone an out-of-work clown would be carrying in his over-sized patch-pockets, but it did the job when I needed it to - mainly ordering pizza.

So now I get a brainstorm that fits right in with my frugal nature: instead of buying yet another new phone and paying all those one-time set-up fees, I figure I'll be cute and figure out how to use this _existing_ phone with a new service.

Ish Kabibble. 

First I tried signing up for a service called *K7*, which offers a free "virtual" phone number for receiving calls. Oh, I got the free number and activated the service alright, but it turns out that none of the places that I want to work with recognize it as a "real" number. 

Strike one.

I move on to Google, my Great God Google, where they have something called "*Google Voice*". I always thought that Google's voice would sound something like HAL being a bad boy in _2001: A Space Odyssey_ - 






It turns out that Google Voice is a step up in the complication factor, which fact I discovered when I applied for a free number -

_*"I'm sorry, Phil, I can't do that."

"Why can't you, Google?"

"It would go against my programming... "*
_​
I asked for a number, and Google asked me for _my_ phone number. 

I asked again, and again Google refused to give me one until I gave IT one. I was starting to feel like the guy who goes to the sacrificial party without a virgin. 

What we had there was failure to communicate.

Eventually, after an hour or so, I got Goog to agree to give me a call at my virtual number. I watched my screen as a little box appeared that counted the elapsed time of Goog trying to call me and expecting me to pick up and tell it my *Verification Number*.

Yeah, THAT worked. 

Thinking I just didn't understand exactly what Google Voice was, I cast about for another idea ... ah, television! I recalled the *Consumer Cellular* commercials, where the two seniors are driving around the country in their motor-home and doing exciting things together, like going to yard sales and drinking Ensure ... they talked about a cell phone plan that was only $10 a month!

Excited beyond all possible expectation I went to their website and saw that my monthly $10 would buy me exactly ZERO minutes under their "_Consumer Casual_" plan. And here I thought I was just casual enough to qualify. 

Turns out that that monthly charge just gets you in the door - you have to pay the obscene amount of TWENTY-FIVE CENTS PER MINUTE for every call you make IN ADDITION TO the $10. They told me "most customers on this plan use 20 cell-phone minutes or less a month" - well, yeah, that makes sense, and that would be me. I just wanted the stinkin' thing to RECEIVE calls, not MAKE them. But no, they charge whether you're coming or going.

They also wanted to sell me _another_ phone! THEIR cheapest one looked like MY cheapest one's Grandpa, and they wanted $35 bucks for it, for something that would retail on eBay for MAYBE $2.75. 

But then I found a loophole - you could use an *existing* phone!!! For *FREE!!!* Trembling with anticipation I scrolled down to find the list of useable phones since, as they told me, "_Your phone should either be a Consumer Cellular phone, a phone previously used with AT&T, or an unlocked GSM phone_".

Huh? 

None of my phones were purchased from Consumer Cellular, I don't THINK I ever had AT&T cell phone service, and I was COMPLETELY in the dark over that GSM stuff - I thought that's what they put on my Moo Goo Gai Pan down at the ol' Hong King Kong Buffet. 



I used their Help section, read their FAQ until my eyes bled, but no go - all I figured out was that they would send me a new SIM card that _might_ or _might not_ work with my phone. They were even nice enough to NOT charge me anything until I made my first call.

But then they wanted my credit card for - yep, you guessed it - "*verification*", my new favorite four-letter word. Since I don't keep a balance on it I had forgotten that there was in fact $0.00 on the card at that moment. But CC was nice enough to remind me of that fact within 5 seconds, and suggested that I give them my whole Social Security number so they could check that I wasn't on Homeland Security's hit-list.

Even though I don't have a working phone, I'm pretty sure they heard my response. 

So now I transferred a wee bit o' cash onto the card which, because this is the Information Age and the Age of Digital Wonders, will take 3-4 working days to show up. I'll try them again. Meanwhile, I'm fighting off a flood of emails from K7 and Google Voice, asking me why am I not answering my phone. 

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! :aargh:


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## SifuPhil

Vivjen said:


> I am not doing the chemistry or biology tests...against rt3.
> 
> Phil, I would feel your pain....but with an I-phone, I just can't.



You're ... you're ...

You're despicable.


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## Happyflowerlady

One possibility that I haven't heard you mention, ( and that may or may not work for what you need) is Magic Jack. It hooks up to your computer, and uses a plain old phone. It costs $49 for the special magic jack hookup, plus the first years payment.
After that, you can talk all you want (or don't want), and nothing else costs. 
If you travel, and take the computer along, and have a phone available to plug into the jack, you can use Magic  Jack anywhere in the US that you move, or even travel to.
Once you don't need anything verified for your business, you don't need to have it connected; however, it will save you all your cell phone minutes, if you do use the MJ for your phone calls, and is perfect for those calls to companies that put you on hold and forget about you, since there are NO limitations to where you can call, or how long you can talk with this phone.
Pretty sure you don't need a CC to use it, either, especially if you go to Walgreens, or whatever place sells them locally.
I think they will even work without a computer now, you can just plug them in, and use it.
It has been several years since i had mine, but it worked well for what I needed it for at the time.


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## SifuPhil

I had briefly considered Magic Jack, but it works as a VOIP - you need Internet access to use it along with a hard-line phone. Which means buying another phone. 

If I could pick up a cheap one somewhere, get the MJ for $50 and then use their El Cheapo plan of $29.95/year it might be doable. Still ... $80 a year, versus what, I already have a Tracfone so I could add minutes onto it. The thing is I've run into a few places that don't accept Tracfone (or ANY cell phone numbers) as legitimate - they want a land-line. I don't know if the MJ would qualify as such - if it does, I might reconsider it.

Research, research ... 

Thanks!


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## That Guy

Phil!  I'm going to call you right away so we can discuss our mutual dislike of the damned things ad nauseam.


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## SifuPhil

LOL - George C. - what a character! Great movie too.


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## Happyflowerlady

I looked at the new MJ plan, and for the $49, you get the MJ, plus 6 months service. A cheap phone will cost you $10 at Walmart, less at the thrift store, and probably almost free on ebay. 
So, for $60, you are good to go for 6 months, and then $30 a year if you keep it after that. But only helpful and cheap if it does what you need it to do.
You can make all the calls you want, anywhere in the US or Canada, so it would replace a lot of cell phone use, except for when you are somewhere besides home and need a cell to call.
Still a lot cheaper than maintaining a tracfone.


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## Katybug

Would you mind, Phil, if I forward my calls to your new phone?  You haven't lived 'til you get 50-60 East Indian pharmacy calls per week.  They're delightful people.  Please PM your number to me, I would love to share these calls with you.


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## SifuPhil

Katybug said:


> Would you mind, Phil, if I forward my calls to your new phone?  You haven't lived 'til you get 50-60 East Indian pharmacy calls per week.  They're delightful people.  Please PM your number to me, I would love to share these calls with you.



As a Taoist one of the Rules I have to follow is to NOT accept calls from East Indian pharmacies - it disrupts the essential Yin/Yang nature of the Universe.

Thank you for your offer, though. Perhaps someone else here would like to take you up on it.


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## Katybug

I totally understand, Phil.  Once the Yin/Yang nature is disrupted, you're screwed for life.  I'll continue my search and if you should change your mind, let me know.


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## SifuPhil

Katybug said:


> I totally understand, Phil.  Once the Yin/Yang nature is disrupted, you're screwed for life.  I'll continue my search and if you should change your mind, let me know.



Thanks - if I convert to Presbyterian or Catholic I'll knock you up*.  














* British slang


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## Denise1952

Ok, and this "is" my final answer:


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## SifuPhil

nwlady said:


> Ok, and this "is" my final answer:
> 
> View attachment 5279



Nice!

Roomie does plastic canvas and there are always balls of yarn sitting around - I could even get long-distance service!


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## Denise1952

so would it be "give me a call" or "give me a can"?  Hey, what's with balls of yarn sitting around?  I know that's gonna be a loaded question but you know me, I have to ask


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## That Guy




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## SifuPhil

nwlady said:


> so would it be "give me a call" or "give me a can"?  Hey, what's with balls of yarn sitting around?  I know that's gonna be a loaded question but you know me, I have to ask



She does that plastic canvas thing - don't know if it's called stitching or embroidery or what - where you weave yarn through little shaped pieces of plastic and make crafty things. 

The other night SnagglePuss went into her room, pulled a brand-new ball of yarn out of a sealed plastic bag and ran around the house with it all night. When I woke up from my power-nap it looked like a giant spider had moved into the house.


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## Denise1952

oh nice, that's the only thing about kitties that I don't like, they play at night, and make noise:nodisturb:lol


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## That Guy




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## Puzzler

Hi SifuPhil,
Here is my recent experience-  In Dec I switched from a Net10 prepaid phone which was not a smart phone and their prepaid card was $30 for 300 minutes and 60 days,  to a Tracphone "Triple minutes" prepaid phone where the prepaid card is $20 for 60 minutes and 90 days.  
The "triple minutes" phone, an LG 840G is an older model smart phone and since it is a "triple minutes" phone I get 180 minutes for the $20  60 minute card.  
I do not use the phone much so I went from a cost of $15 a month to $7 a month with the added use of a smart phone.  Phone was on sale at KMart for $24 dollars from regular $49 (without the first minutes card) and at the same time it was on sale at Amazon for $29.
I haven't mastered all the features yet but yesterday I took a photo and send  it as an attachment to a text message.  This is the best sales bargain I can ever remember getting !!!
HAHD, GerryG


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## SifuPhil

Thank you, Puzzler - that's pretty much the route I took this last time: an LG-something, got the triple minutes and bought cards when the time ran out. It's just that the companies I've been dealing with lately won't accept a mobile phone as a "verifiable" number - they demand a land-line.

That's pretty old-school, in my opinion.

So, as much as I would probably just go back to Tracfone for my calling needs I need to find something that these places will view as "acceptable".

Grrrrr - I hate phones, but even more I hate companies that demand you have them!


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## That Guy




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## SifuPhil

That Guy said:


> * brick phone *



LOL - I had one of those! 

Freakin' thing weighed a ton - walking around with it on my shoulder in NYC I ended up looking like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. 

I guess it didn't help matters much that I would randomly pick up the receiver and shout "SANCTUARY!".


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## Puzzler

HI, Sorry I misinterpreted your problem.  May I suggest the site http://www.komando.com/ might have an answer for you. Kim Komando is called a "digital guru" and she offers great tips about all things digital.  She has a call-in radio program on Sat or Sun morning. Your problem should be a good problem for her to solve.  Good luck. Puzzler.


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## Pappy

Puzzler said:


> HI, Sorry I misinterpreted your problem.  May I suggest the site http://www.komando.com/ might have an answer for you. Kim Komando is called a "digital guru" and she offers great tips about all things digital.  She has a call-in radio program on Sat or Sun morning. Your problem should be a good problem for her to solve.  Good luck. Puzzler.



I have Kim on Facebook and she does have so great tips on electronics. I did have to unsubscribe her from email as she sent way to many emails.


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## SifuPhil

Puzzler said:


> HI, Sorry I misinterpreted your problem.  May I suggest the site http://www.komando.com/ might have an answer for you. Kim Komando is called a "digital guru" and she offers great tips about all things digital.  She has a call-in radio program on Sat or Sun morning. Your problem should be a good problem for her to solve.  Good luck. Puzzler.



That's great, Puzzler - thank you very much, I'm going to check her out.

... professionally, I mean.


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## That Guy

Attack of the Phones...


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## SifuPhil

Phone Zombies!


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## SifuPhil

Well, I finally broke down and took a rather convoluted path - we'll see where it gets me.

I purchased an LG Optimus Extreme smartphone from eBay for $25 - factory reconditioned but guaranteed to be 100% working.



It can use Google apps so I know I can put on it what I need to do my business, such as the QR code reader. 

Thing is, it's designed to be used with Net10 service, and only after I bought the phone did I discover that you can only use a $50/month plan for unlimited everything. I know that isn't expensive compared to other plans, but to me it's still highway robbery when all I need the phone for is verification and for getting paid with my precious bitcoins. I don't talk, I don't text, I don't post on Facebook - if I do that stuff it's through my laptop.

So ...

The phone hasn't even arrived yet (today or tomorrow) but I'm already looking into "unlocking" it, which means putting in a different SIM card, entering a code and then being able to use ANY carrier you like. My plan, if the unlocking is successful (or even possible - I haven't determined that yet) is to use Consumer Cellular as my service - they have a $12/month plan that would be perfect for my needs. 

Keep your dialing fingers crossed for me ... 

As a funny aside, the same phone if purchased through CC is $450!


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## Pappy

Phil.....funny but I have the same darn phone. I bought mine on Amazon and use Trac Phone minutes on mine. Nice phone and good luck with it.

i really haven't figured all the goodies on it yet.


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## SifuPhil

Pappy said:


> Phil.....funny but I have the same darn phone. I bought mine on Amazon and use Trac Phone minutes on mine. Nice phone and good luck with it.
> 
> i really haven't figured all the goodies on it yet.



I already downloaded the user manual for it and my head is swimming. I think I really need to wait until I have the phone in my hand - the directions will make more sense. 

Interesting that you use Tracfone minutes - I know that Tracfone, Net10 and StraightTalk are all sister companies, so I thought they'd all demand I take the most expensive plan. 

Ugh - why is life so complicated? 

I shied away from iPhones because I'm not a big fan of Apple. I know those phones are supposed to be the cat's pajamas but as I mentioned I only need this for a few specific tasks, so I'm trying to do it on the cheap.


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## Vivjen

I am one of those gullible fools who love Apple; although they cost more, and everything else against them!

Takes all sorts, fortunately!


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## SifuPhil

Vivjen said:


> I am one of those gullible fools who love Apple; although they cost more, and everything else against them!
> 
> Takes all sorts, fortunately!



I had some bad experiences with an Apple II computer many moons ago when I was just starting up in the computer world, so I think I've carried that experience with me all my life.

I know they're supposed to be cutting-edge and they used to have that whole hippie thing going for them, but in my eyes they've sold out to the Establishment much more than IBM ever did. 

But, as you say, different strokes.


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## That Guy

SifuPhil said:


> Well, I finally broke down and took a rather convoluted path - we'll see where it gets me.
> 
> I purchased an LG Optimus Extreme smartphone from eBay for $25 - factory reconditioned but guaranteed to be 100% working.



Oh, man, should asked me first!  I could have gotten you the Extra Extreme Max3 . . . !


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## That Guy

Gawd, I am such an old fashioned stick in the mud longing for the days when a phone was just a phone . . .






Get a horse!!!


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## SifuPhil

That looks more like the first breathalyzer! 

Well, I received my phone courtesy of USPS yesterday. It's a factory re-manufactured one, which I suppose means they take it apart, dust it a bit and stick it all back together again. It came with all the accessories - charger, cables, battery and a dinky little 4Gb memory card. 

It charged up quickly - within 4 hours - and so far seems to work 100%. I don't have any service yet because I was planning on unlocking the phone to use it with Consumer Cellular, but the more I'm researching the more it seems as if I'm going to have to stay with the Net10 service that the phone was originally set-up for.

It's actually not bad as services seem to go - $50/mn for unlimited talk, text and Web ($45 if I set up a recurring payment plan with my credit card). Still more than I wanted to spend but I guess I can write it off as being a business expense. 

It has a little virtual keyboard that appears on-screen for texts and such, but the bloody thing is so tiny that my big ol' fingers seem to want to hit two keys at the same time. I think there might be a hidden trick to enlarging the keyboard - when I get a few spare hours I'll check the online manual (the literature they sent with the phone only covers activation and the most basic functions).

So far, so good - considering I bought it on eBay it actually powers-up, takes pictures and seems to respond well. Now for the ultimate test when I get service ...

The story continues ...


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