# Do you need reassurance sometimes?



## Ronni (May 7, 2019)

I had an issue with Ron over the weekend.  Nothing major, but he was short with me on the phone before I came over, seemed edgy, was not very communicative.  It was a frustration about the closet build-out, but he wasn't forthcoming about what was going on.  In his own head, trying to figure out what was wrong, not talking.  

I'm a strong, confident woman, not high maintenance at all, but due to my abuse history, I trigger sometimes.  It's my issue, not Ron's, but nonetheless it's gonna happen from time to time and when it does I need reassurance.  

He's so easy to talk to!  Later, I started to explain what was going on with me.  I didn't get very far.  I could see the light dawn!!!  He said  "You needed me to be completely present for just a minute, and  to say 'Baby.  All is well.  We're  good. I love you.....Right?'  " 

He nailed it! And apologized.  

I wonder if this is more a female trait, or perhaps just a ME trait????  Or if men sometimes need reassurance too.


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## Nihil (May 7, 2019)

My narcissistic sociopathic mother disowned me, so I felt I needed reassurance in my early relationships. All my relationships have failed. I've stopped having expectations.


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## Gary O' (May 7, 2019)

Never

Not sure if it’s a guy thing or not

I’ve been given plenty of unprompted advice

Plenty

Took some

Left more

Never thought about needing any until this thread

If I get in a situation where I think I may need a mental boost, I prefer being alone with my own thoughts

It’s always worked

Prolly always will



Heh, turns out, most everbody has a weird folk or two in their growing up years

I’m no exception

But

They mostly left me alone

Worked for me


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## Keesha (May 7, 2019)

No, it’s not just you. My man is usually easy to get along with but he does have a short fuse at times and not enough self control. Before it used to scare me but I’ve been with this man for 30 years now and been through far more than he’ll ever see so when he loses it on me he has to be prepared for the response back which he never is. It DOES however , shut him up good and quick :bowknot: :smug1:


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## RadishRose (May 7, 2019)

I think everyone does from time to time. What you described Ronni, IMO was not a big deal, He was short with you; something on his mind.

What's the matter?
I'm worried about the closet build-out.
 -The End

It's good that you learned something about him....he'll tend to chew on a problem in his mind for awhile, sounds like. Nothing to worry about; now know he knows you don't need "shortnesss". 

You were meant for each other.


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## SeaBreeze (May 7, 2019)

Ronni said:


> It was a frustration about the closet build-out, but he wasn't forthcoming about what was going on.  In his own head, trying to figure out what was wrong, not talking.
> 
> He's so easy to talk to!  Later, I started to explain what was going on with me.  I didn't get very far.  I could see the light dawn!!!  He said  "You needed me to be completely present for just a minute, and  to say 'Baby.  All is well.  We're  good. I love you.....Right?'  "
> 
> ...



Ronni, my husband is the same way when he's involved in a project and deciding what he needs to do next if he comes across a difficulty, he doesn't always want to go over everything in his head verbally with me or anyone else, it disrupts his thoughts.  I know to just let him work it out, he usually comes up with the best way to handle it.  Sometimes if he's ready to share his ideas with me and ask my opinion, he'll speak out on his own.

The fact that Ron knew quickly what you were feeling and apologized is perfect, good guy there and perfectly normal in my opinion.  It may be more a female trait to need assurance at certain times, but men do too, IMO.  You may be extra sensitive sometimes, but that's to be expected, important thing is, he really cares.


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## Marie5656 (May 7, 2019)

*I think we all do at times.  I am wondering if men are less apt to admit they need some reassurance sometimes.  Goes against the manly man traits.  But positive vibes from others does help.*


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## Keesha (May 7, 2019)

I agree Maria. I think men need assurance more often than they let on. My man takes on a lot of roles and does it really well. His work ethics are impeccable and he does far better in this department than I ever have or will. He’s been at the same place for over 25 years. 

 He’s generally a really confident man but at times he needs reassurance. When he does need it he doesn’t usually ask but I know him well enough to know. Recently he needed my help with a few things and I did my best to help him and he feels much better. 

At times I take him for granted by thinking he’s always strong and fearless but it’s not the case. He tells me often that other people feel fear but are just better at covering it up. 

We ALL need reassurance at times.


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## Keesha (May 7, 2019)

SeaBreeze said:


> Ronni, my husband is the same way when he's involved in a project and deciding what he needs to do next if he comes across a difficulty, he doesn't always want to go over everything in his head verbally with me or anyone else, it disrupts his thoughts.  I know to just let him work it out, he usually comes up with the best way to handle it.  Sometimes if he's ready to share his ideas with me and ask my opinion, he'll speak out on his own.
> 
> The fact that Ron knew quickly what you were feeling and apologized is perfect, good guy there and perfectly normal in my opinion.  It may be more a female trait to need assurance at certain times, but men do too, IMO.  You may be extra sensitive sometimes, but that's to be expected, important thing is, he really cares.


My husband is the same way. They become so ultra focused that it sometimes seems like they are completely zoned out. He can’t concentrate on what he’s doing and show concern for me at the same time. It’s not that he doesn’t want to, it’s that he can’t keep up with both. His mind isn’t capable of doing so

The fact that he acknowledged you right away is really good, like Seabreeze said. It shows sincere consideration and maturity. 


Keesha said:


> No, it’s not just you. My man is usually easy to get along with but he does have a short fuse at times and not enough self control. Before it used to scare me but I’ve been with this man for 30 years now and been through far more than he’ll ever see so when he loses it on me he has to be prepared for the response back which he never is. It DOES however , shut him up good and quick :bowknot: :smug1:


THIS is something completely different. 
My man is a mans man. He works with mostly men and is used to communicating with men for most of his life. At times he can sound like a drunken sailor. When he starts getting a bit too aggressive, I let him know .


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## Capt Lightning (May 9, 2019)

Marie5656 said:


> *I think we all do at times.  I am wondering if men are less apt to admit they need some reassurance sometimes.  Goes against the manly man traits.  But positive vibes from others does help.*



I couldn't have put it better.


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## Gary O' (May 9, 2019)

Marie5656 said:


> *  I am wondering if men are less apt to admit they need some reassurance sometimes.  Goes against the manly man traits. *



Uh, no

traits schmaits..... it's the way it is

You give guys waaaay too much credit for thinking, or worrying, about anything

At least this guy

Except maybe food

That can be a worry

it's why we hunt


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