# One reason I joined the forum is the need to "move on"....



## Ginger (Nov 5, 2012)

We gave  so much to the "raising of our children"......but as they "moved on"  to cultivate lives for themselves, I have noticed that  they seem to have very little time to invest in our lives in return?

I have recently realized that it is just normal for it to be this way and we have to "move on" and "get a life" just as they are doing!  It is a NEW SEASON for all of us....a time to transition and adjust.

I am just rambling, but wondering if anyone else has thoughts along these lines?  I mean, does it seem hard to "let go" when you spent so many years pouring your heart and soul into them?


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## SeaBreeze (Nov 5, 2012)

Although I was never able to have children, I can definitely appreciate the 'empty nest' syndrome.  I can imagine how much of a change it is for you, since your children were such a big part of your lives for so many years.  I know that many kids, when they get married and have families of their own, are very involved with their own new situations, and making quality lives for themselves.  During this time, it's easy to push Mom and Dad aside, but don't take it personally, it's normal.  A little "me" time for you now, take advantage of it, life is good!


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## Ginger (Nov 5, 2012)

:sentimental:   _I  DO know that you are RIGHT, Seabreeze......  And I AM enjoying this  period of INDEPENDENCE_    !!!!    Can you tell I just found the "fonts" and stuff?


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## SeaBreeze (Nov 5, 2012)

I see you're exercising your independence nicely, LOL!


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## Ozarkgal (Nov 5, 2012)

Like SeaBreeze, I never had kids either.  My younger years were taken up with a career and my avocation was horses, riding, training, showing and giving lessons.  As the years went on and I was no longer strong enough to keep up with the horses I had to give it up.  Ten years have gone by and I still feel the loss of not having the horses which was such a major part of my life, almost defining who I was.  I guess what I am trying to say is that becoming senior is probably the greatest transition we will ever have to make in our lives. We have to remember what great things we had and learn to be grateful that we were lucky enough to have had those things in our lives and now put them in a special place in our heart.  You still have your children, only now in a different context, but still special, just as you will always be to them.  This is your time now to make new memories.


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## Ginger (Nov 5, 2012)

Well , I can certainly relate to those strong attachments we can get to those "dear friends" in the animal kingdom!   It sounds like you have a lot of wonderful memories but also a huge wealth of wisdom and "expertise" from all of those years of experience! Maybe you could be a mentor to someone who will be following in your foot steps?


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## TWHRider (Nov 6, 2012)

_*"Invest in our lives"*_ is by whose definition; my interpretation may not be the same as yours 

I was only privileged to have my son for 19 years, before a car accident claimed him.

He was 17 when he graduated high school.  When the day came to place his H.S. graduation picture in his wall album, that started when he was four and in nursery school, I was not ready to hand his 6' self over to the world.

I had raised him to be independent and think for himself - as most parents do.  Letting them go is a Catch 22; we want them to have their successful life but "why can't you remember to call me every day?  I'm your mom, ya know" :sentimental:

It can be difficult to suddenly pick up the threads of "yourself" after so many years of being Somebody's Mom.  In my case, I had no choice.  Thankfully I still had my horses, which went back to being "first in line" just as soon as I realized those manly-man shirts hanging on the drying line in the basement would never see their owner again.

Your children will be back in good time - whether it's by phone or e-mail, they will be back (most likely according to their rules as soon as the Independence Honeymoon wears off a bit.


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## Elzee (Nov 6, 2012)

I did indeed grieve when my oldest son left home as he joined the Navy. He lived at home for a couple of years after he graduated from high school (lived in the mother-in-law suite) and then, decided to join the Navy.  My middle child, my daughter, was always an independent thinker, so when she left home, I was ready for her to leave home. We get along great - if we give each other 'space' and she is the type that has to figure out life for herself. My youngest son wanted to join the Navy when he was 13 years old, so I had already given him over to the Navy by the time he went off to boot camp, a few weeks after he graduated from high school. So, my kids are very independent and don't need mom in their lives right now. So, it is not just having an empty nest, it is that they don't need 'mothering' anymore. Which is good, because my husband and I did raise them to be independent, mature and to be responsible. 

It is just when I was raising my kids, I could never take the time to think what life would be like when they finally left home. So, it did take some adjusting. Now, I am pursuing hobbies and interests that I had put aside. If I raised my kids to be independent and to get on with life, then, my golly, that is what I am going to do! So, now, I am looking forward to many years of fun and independence!!!


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## SeaBreeze (Nov 6, 2012)

TWHRider said:


> I was only privileged to have my son for 19 years, before a car accident claimed him.



My deepest sympathy to you and your family for the loss of your son, a space in your heart that can never be filled.  May he rest peacefully.


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## Ginger (Nov 6, 2012)

I ,too, am so sorry to hear of your great loss !  You have reminded me  that I could be feeling thankful for many things!!   How wonderful that you are able to connect in such a beautiful way with the horses!
Thanks for responding!   Be Blessed!!!


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## Ginger (Nov 6, 2012)

Elzee,
You have made a very good point......In my Child Development studies I was taught that if we are doing a good job of parenting, that our goal as parents should be (almost from day one) that we are helping them to achieve autonomy!  I DO want them to be happy and independent......maybe just not happy and " insensitive"?  I am realizing, however, that this ,too, is perhaps a normal part of the "process"...for all of us!
Beyond child development, there is just HUMAN DEVELOPMENT....and that goes on until we die....so maybe it is *me* that needs to make a little "progress" right now?


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## R. Paradon (Nov 7, 2012)

TWHRider said:


> _*"Invest in our lives"*_ is by whose definition; my interpretation may not be the same as yours


I am very sorry to hear of your sons short time here.  I always hate responding to this kind of post but if I don't I feel like a jerk.  Happy that you are ok.


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## TWHRider (Nov 7, 2012)

Thank you all  I try not to bring it up too often but, I have also found it's easier on the readers for me to say it, than for someone to innocently ask "do you have children?".  I can't just answer "no" as I feel that would be like disavowing his existence.

Enough years have passed that I don't fake being upbeat near as often as I used to.  The more I had to fake it, working with the public, the easier it was to actually be good-natured<---if that made sense.  Making sense IS something that doesn't come easy - lol lol


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## Ginger (Nov 7, 2012)

TWHRider, Hi!

I am glad that you shared with us.....hopefully, this is one of the great things about FORUMS....... that we can sorta "be there " for each other?  I was deeply touched by your story...."time" IS probably the best healer......?  Huh?  yet  some" woundings" will   *always *be with us, it seems?  We probably *all* have some pretty "deep wounds", after living this long...?  *I am sure!*   I always find it a comfort, when someone has lost a loved one , to think of that loved one as being *ahead* ...in our *future*....so they aren't in our *past* anymore!  So that gives us something to look forward to!  Of course their "memories" are in the past ....but that really isn't where *they are!?*  Now I am the one trying to make sense !  Hope you are having a pleasant day!!!!!


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## Ozarkgal (Nov 7, 2012)

TWHRider
I have a hard time expressing sympathy, mainly because the words all seem so already done and can't really touch the pain one feels at losing something so precious.  I don't have children and can't begin to imagine the grief that is felt at losing a child at such a young age, right on the verge of so much promise in life.  I can only relate with the many regrets and losses in my life and how they still hurt years later.  My heart goes out to you.


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## R. Zimm (Dec 29, 2012)

That is a sad way to end childhood, I'm so sorry for your loss. We are lucky that way in that we still have good relationships with our daughters and their husbands but we can see the potential disconnection. Cell phones and Skype can do a lot to help you know, you just have to work at it.


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## Dorothy (Jan 1, 2013)

I know where you are coming from, it is so hard to let go, but of course we have too. I have 11 kids and 27 grandkids. When my first child got married and moved on with her life it was really hard and I would adjust and then another one, it is crazy but with each one it was just as hard although I had a little more experience with the kids before but it was hard. 

Now I have two kids that are at home all the others have gotten married and have kids of their own, one of my daughters is turning 17 this month and my other daughter is turning 7 next month,, and I feel that feeling again because I know it is going to  happen again,, it doesn't get any easier, but you do get used to it after awhile and can learn to live with it. I love my kids very much, mines are from oldest to youngest, 37, 35, 34, 31, 30, 28, 27, 25, 21, 16, 6.  Seven girls and four boys.


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