# The Silent Life



## Silent Rose (Mar 27, 2022)

After glancing through several of the other diaries here, I decided to share some of my story in diary form.

I will go back to the beginning in 1972 the year I was born. It was not soon after I was born that both my mom and I got really sick with high fevers and it was determined that I had contracted Bacterial Meningitis. Due to this, I lost all hearing in both ears and also growing up had some very mild learning disabilities. 

Both mom and I eventually did recover from this and we were able to go home and start our lives together. This was something that was going to be a tough undertaking for my mom because she was doing this on her own and now to top it all off raising a baby with a disability. 

During those early years as a child, I remember basically one thing and that was going to see a lot of doctors and audiologists. Getting so many tests on my ears and brain and even my throat. Tested and fitted for these horrible hearing aids that did nothing for me. Then the testing for the Cochlear Implant that seemingly went on and on until the specialists said nothing could restore my hearing.

I was living in a silent world for the rest of my life. 

Growing up for me was probably quite different from many other kids and teens. I rarely if ever associated with anyone in the hearing population other than my family members. I was sent to a school for the deaf which had all kids like me and those were the kids that I became friends with. The teachers if they were not deaf 99% of them were hearing impaired and the 1% that was not used ASL all the time. ASL was the way I communicated all the time. I rarely read lips and that was mostly just with my mom and teachers. 

Once I attended college which was also a university that mostly catered to the deaf and hearing impaired(Gallaudet University) they encouraged the students to get out into the Washington D.C. community. This is when I started interacting with the hearing population much more frequently. My views of things just exploded and at first I thought there was no way I would be able to survive in this world.

I thankfully did survive and came out of Gallaudet University with an accounting degree and started doing some small bookkeeping jobs before I landed my current job I have in bookkeeping for the City of Baltimore. Also during this time is when I met this man who I ended up getting pregnant by. The guy and I didn't work out as he really was not invested in the relationship with me and opted to not be involved with my daughter but he has not missed a child support payment in her almost 17 years of life even though he has never laid eyes on her at all. 

As I stated my daughter will be turning 17 on April 25th. She has grown into a beautiful young lady and when I say grown she is now taller than me and I am not short. 

Shortly after my daughter was born and I was heading into my mid 30's, I decided I really needed a life change. Growing up my mom raised me in the church and I did everything in my power to try to avoid that. I am not saying I was a horrible kid and young adult, but I could be a handful at times. Once I had my daughter which is quite the life changing event in itself, I was like I really need some guidance. So I began reading some passages in the Bible and this brought me back into a lot of prayer and finally accepting Jesus back into my life. This has to be the best decision I have ever made in my entire life. 

I have raised my daughter to follow the Lord and she has grown into a Beautiful Child of God and I am so proud of her. 

I still have a long way to go in my life God willing and many things are still ahead for me. I hope I can use this diary to share some of those things along the way. 

God Bless, Molly


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## katlupe (Mar 27, 2022)

Thank you for sharing your story, Molly. I hope you will continue it.


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## Alligatorob (Mar 27, 2022)

Thanks Molly, that is a great story, glad you told it.


Silent Rose said:


> opted to not be involved with my daughter but he has not missed a child support payment in her almost 17 years of life even though he has never laid eyes on her at all.


That is really hard to imagine.  Particularly if he is responsible enough to keep up the payments.  I guess it takes all kinds, hopefully not to many of his kind...


Silent Rose said:


> As I stated my daughter will be turning 17 on April 25th. She has grown into a beautiful young lady and when I say grown she is now taller than me and I am not short.


Sounds like a great kid!  I suspect you are a great mama.


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## mrstime (Mar 27, 2022)

My mother was deaf, and attended a deaf school. She couldn't have written such a great post as you, however in her favor they didn't teach deaf kids as well then. I was fluent in ASL when  she left my father and I when I was 5. My grandma years later said she was sorry that she let me lose sign language. I didn't blame her, we used busses since grandpa could no longer drive. She said often we would encounter deaf friends of my mother and she wouldn't understand what was being said to her 5 year old granddaughter. I understood completely. There were 2 things I remembered , ice cream and chewing gum. LOL


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## Silent Rose (Mar 27, 2022)

Alligatorob said:


> Thanks Molly, that is a great story, glad you told it.
> 
> That is really hard to imagine.  Particularly if he is responsible enough to keep up the payments.  I guess it takes all kinds, hopefully not to many of his kind...
> 
> Sounds like a great kid!  I suspect you are a great mama.


I will just say this about my daughters dad. He did not want that life with a child and honestly his career at the time and what he is still actually is involved with in a different capacity wouldn't allow him to be a great dad to her anyway. He really made his choice back then and yes he was capable financially and I am glad he honored that throughout her life. He has also told me he will also pay for he college as well  anonymously if she doesn't get scholarships. 


mrstime said:


> My mother was deaf, and attended a deaf school. She couldn't have written such a great post as you, however in her favor they didn't teach deaf kids as well then. I was fluent in ASL when  she left my father and I when I was 5. My grandma years later said she was sorry that she let me lose sign language. I didn't blame her, we used busses since grandpa could no longer drive. She said often we would encounter deaf friends of my mother and she wouldn't understand what was being said to her 5 year old granddaughter. I understood completely. There were 2 things I remembered , ice cream and chewing gum. LOL



I feel my school and definitely my University taught me well with writing. ASL is my main way of communicating. I do have my daughter to help with interpreting for me when need be , but I am able to read lips when things are 1 on 1. My main issue is my verbal skills which have improved over time, but still would be very frustrating for the hearing person to have to listen to me speak.  My daughter has no issues or my mother has no issues with the speaking voice, but most others find difficulty understanding.


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## mrstime (Mar 27, 2022)

Silent Rose said:


> I will just say this about my daughters dad. He did not want that life with a child and honestly his career at the time and what he is still actually is involved with in a different capacity wouldn't allow him to be a great dad to her anyway. He really made his choice back then and yes he was capable financially and I am glad he honored that throughout her life. He has also told me he will also pay for he college as well  anonymously if she doesn't get scholarships.
> 
> 
> I feel my school and definitely my University taught me well with writing. ASL is my main way of communicating. I do have my daughter to help with interpreting for me when need be , but I am able to read lips when things are 1 on 1. My main issue is my verbal skills which have improved over time, but still would be very frustrating for the hearing person to have to listen to me speak.  My daughter has no issues or my mother has no issues with the speaking voice, but most others find difficulty understanding.


Keep in mind I am 82, my mother was in school a very long time ago.


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## Silent Rose (Mar 27, 2022)

mrstime said:


> Keep in mind I am 82, my mother was in school a very long time ago.


I understand, I graduated from high school in 1990 and 4 years later from college.  

Not saying you are old because 82 years of age and the intelligence from the way you post your mind must be as sharp as a tack. You are actually several years older than my mom who doesn't use the internet very much because it confuses her too much.


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## hollydolly (Mar 27, 2022)

Silent Rose said:


> I will just say this about my daughters dad. He did not want that life with a child and honestly his career at the time and what he is still actually is involved with in a different capacity wouldn't allow him to be a great dad to her anyway. He really made his choice back then and yes he was capable financially and I am glad he honored that throughout her life. He has also told me he will also pay for he college as well  anonymously if she doesn't get scholarships.
> 
> 
> I feel my school and definitely my University taught me well with writing. ASL is my main way of communicating. I do have my daughter to help with interpreting for me when need be , but I am able to read lips when things are 1 on 1. My main issue is my verbal skills which have improved over time, but still would be very frustrating for the hearing person to have to listen to me speak. * My daughter has no issues or my mother has no issues with the speaking voice, but most others find difficulty understanding.*


..as you already know, I grew up in a profoundly deaf family who were non verbal.. except for one aunt. ( my paternal uncles' wife ) she would talk whenever she felt comfortable, and of course as you say it's often difficult for outsiders to understand a deaf persons verbal skills , so many hard of hearing  don't attempt it outside of their own homes.. but my auntie Sylvia was confident and she would try and talk wherever she was, mostly people didn't understand, but she had a great sense of humour and she'd laugh it off, she also read lips fluently .. , she was only young then, in her early 30's.. whereas my uncle to whom she was married  had no verbal skills at all.. and never attempted to speak..always signed. ..

My uncle is the only one still alive of all my deaf relatives, and in his 80's now.. lives a long way from me, so I haven't seen him in years.. the only communication we have is the very occasional letter which he might send every few years.. he keeps himself completely enveloped in the deaf community.


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## Silent Rose (Mar 27, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> ..as you already know, I grew up in a profoundly deaf family who were non verbal.. except for one aunt. ( my paternal uncles' wife ) she would talk whenever she felt comfortable, and of course as you say it's often difficult for outsiders to understand a deaf persons verbal skills , so many hard of hearing  don't attempt it outside of their own homes.. but my auntie Sylvia was confident and she would try and talk wherever she was, mostly people didn't understand, but she had a great sense of humour and she'd laugh it off, she also read lips fluently .. , she was only young then, in her early 30's.. whereas my uncle to whom she was married and had no verbal skills at all.. and never attempted to speak..always signed. ..
> 
> My uncle is the only one still alive of all my deaf relatives, and in his 80's now.. lives a long way from me, so I haven't seen him in years.. the only communication we have is the very occasional letter which he might send every few years.. he keeps himself completely enveloped in the deaf community.


My confidence grew a lot once I went off to college, but still I tend to sign when I can since that is I suppose my comfort zone. When I do go into the work place I do speak some and usually have to go really slowly and stick to conversations that are only with one person at a time or I get easily confused. I can read lips, but when more than one person is speaking and if they are moving about it is impossible for me to get what is going on. I was in a Zoom meeting with 5 others from work and if you ever have used that their conversation can flip from one person to the next very quickly on the screen. I quickly had to stop the meeting and tell everything this format was not going to work for me. Thankfully they understood and I received updates of the meetings from my boss instead. With my job I mostly work independently so that works for me. 

In settings like restaurants I just speak slowly and sometimes have to repeat myself, but I eventually get my point across.


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## mrstime (Mar 27, 2022)

Silent Rose said:


> I understand, I graduated from high school in 1990 and 4 years later from college.
> 
> Not saying you are old because 82 years of age and the intelligence from the way you post your mind must be as sharp as a tack. You are actually several years older than my mom who doesn't use the internet very much because it confuses her too much.


I find some things about computers that boggle my mind, fight with from time to time. Between DH and I we get it figured out. But thanks for the compliment.


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## Silent Rose (Mar 27, 2022)

mrstime said:


> I find some things about computers that boggle my mind, fight with from time to time. Between DH and I we get it figured out. But thanks for the compliment.


My teen daughter usually helps me out when I get into a bind with computer things and I just turned 50.


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## mrstime (Mar 27, 2022)

Silent Rose said:


> My teen daughter usually helps me out when I get into a bind with computer things and I just turned 50.


Unfortunately our son just turned 60, he hasn't had his computer as long as we have. Then we have a dear friend who we call our computer guru. Once in a while the computer boggles her mind but not as often as it does us an she doesn't charge for her help. If she can't fix it there is a fellow around the corner from us who is a computer fixer.


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## Silent Rose (Mar 27, 2022)

mrstime said:


> Unfortunately our son just turned 60, he hasn't had his computer as long as we have. Then we have a dear friend who we call our computer guru. Once in a while the computer boggles her mind but not as often as it does us an she doesn't charge for her help. If she can't fix it there is a fellow around the corner from us who is a computer fixer.


It is good to have someone who is really knowledgeable about computers.


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## jerry old (Mar 27, 2022)

If I had to lose one of my senses,  I would hope it would be deafness.
Obviously, that is a blowing smoke statement, i know nothing about being deaf.

Courage


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## Silent Rose (Mar 27, 2022)

jerry old said:


> If I had to lose one of my senses,  I would hope it would be deafness.
> Obviously, that is a blowing smoke statement, i know nothing about being deaf.
> 
> Courage SL


I do feel many would say the same as you, especially when it comes to blindness. As for losing the sense of touch and taste or smell those would be tough as well. 

It is true though that when you lose one sense that one of the other senses becomes stronger and for me that is the sense of smell. I can be blindfolded and have many different types of smells put under my nose and many very obscure and I can usually guess them.


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## win231 (Mar 27, 2022)

I was 50% deaf at birth, so I understand half of it.


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## Silent Rose (Mar 27, 2022)

win231 said:


> I was 50% deaf at birth, so I understand half of it.


That is a very good way to look or should I say in your case listen to it.


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## dseag2 (Mar 27, 2022)

Molly, thank you so much for sharing.  I think many of us use this site as a means to tell our stories and to be understood based on our life experiences.  I used to think I was "oversharing" but now I just realize it is cathartic for all of us and hopefully someone will take away inspiration from our stories.  I certainly did from yours.

I'm so happy you have overcome the obstacles that were presented in life and have raised what seems to be a wonderful daughter.  I have tremendous respect for single mothers, and even more so for you.


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## Silent Rose (Mar 27, 2022)

dseag2 said:


> Molly, thank you so much for sharing.  I think many of us use this site as a means to tell our stories and to be understood based on our life experiences.  I used to think I was "oversharing" but now I just realize it is cathartic for all of us and hopefully someone will take away inspiration from our stories.  I certainly did from yours.
> 
> I'm so happy you have overcome the obstacles that were presented in life and have raised what seems to be a wonderful daughter.  I have tremendous respect for single mothers, and even more so for you.


Thanks so much. I have a great mother who has been a great inspiration to me all my life and even though I took some other forks in the road that maybe she would not have approved of while growing up, I think that is all in the learning process. I did however take much away from what she taught me and I do hope my daughter does the same with me. 

The funny thing is my mom thinks it to be so funny the way my daughter is right now as she is approaching the age of 17. I many ways she is a wonderful kid, but in many ways she is a challenging kid just like I was at that age and my mom thinks that is the most wonderful thing in the world.


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## mrstime (Mar 27, 2022)

The mothers dream that her kids have kids just like they were.


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## Sliverfox (Mar 28, 2022)

Molly,, thank you for sharing about your life.

My husband had had a hearing problem every since I've known him.
Not  sure if it  was from an injury or  something  he was born with.

From age 12   to this day he has been around  loud  sounds,, chain saw, steel mills.
He went through  several tests on his hearing only to be told nothing  could be done,, but wear hearing aids.

He tried one   hearing aid, which now  lives in a drawer,, same with a newer model.

I think  while my father was living with us  & finding  the tiny hearing aid batteries  every where, discouraged  him.


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## Pepper (Mar 28, 2022)

Sliverfox said:


> I think  while my father was living with us  & finding  the tiny hearing aid batteries  every where, discouraged  him.


Why?  Is wearing a hearing aid not manly?


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## Silent Rose (Mar 28, 2022)

Sliverfox said:


> Molly,, thank you for sharing about your life.
> 
> My husband had had a hearing problem every since I've known him.
> Not  sure if it  was from an injury or  something  he was born with.
> ...


Thanks

Hearing difficulties can stem from many different things including exposure to loud noises over time. They have special noise reduction ear plugs now for those sort of things that work pretty well. Injuries can also do damage to the inner ear that can cause hearing problems.

Hearing Aids and evening the newer models that are tiny and they say you can even feel them or no one can see them. Well no one being able to see them might be the case, but feeling them is not the case. Like with anything Hearing Aids are something you have to adjust to over time. The only thing I can say about hearing loss is it never gets better it only continues to deteriorate with time so the Hearing Aids do help.


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## Silent Rose (Mar 28, 2022)

Pepper said:


> Why?  Is wearing a hearing aid not manly?


I honestly do not know the answer to this. 

I mean back in the day, I think with those larger Hearing Aids people did not think they were attractive but now they are so small most cannot even see them unless they are staring right into someones ear.


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## Sliverfox (Mar 28, 2022)

I think as my husband ages(80)  he just  doesn't  want the fuss of hearing aids.
He's learned to 'cope'   by turning to me IF I'm with him,,,,"What am I missing?" look .


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## Silent Rose (Mar 28, 2022)

Sliverfox said:


> I think as my husband ages(80)  he just  doesn't  want the fuss of hearing aids.
> He's learned to 'cope'   by turning to me IF I'm with him,,,,"What am I missing?" look .


I have that look. I give it to my daughter quite often when I know there is a conversation going on and I am unable to read the lips because there are too many people discussing at one time or someone who is talking just is moving around too much.


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## Silent Rose (Mar 29, 2022)

Going through 50 years of life in total silence one would think that would be totally miserable and very hard to adjust to daily living. 

Here are just some things I had to do a bit differently growing up. And no my life was far from miserable.

As a very young child/toddler there were no bed time stories read to or a musical mobile hanging over my crib because at that really early age of life I did not understand ASL and also when I was very young my mom was just learning it as well.  So things she did to help me relax and put me to sleep were with other senses. Calming photos, touching soft things like soft stuffed toys, certain smells that would help me relax. 

As I became older and started learning sign language, I also wanted to watch TV like other kids did. Well that was not as easy for me to do. I had to also learn how to read words a lot quicker than most kids because that is how I got my sound from the TV. From the closed captions. Shows like Sesame Street, Mister Rogers, Electric Company became my friends. 

Even older in life and a huge challenge for me was learning to drive. Many people today even ask how deaf people can drive a car. Well of course there is no problem with our legs or arms or eyes it is our ears. So many ask what about when an emergency vehicle is coming. How do I know. I have to really rely while driving on my sense of sight. Like double time rely on it. Not only the normal like what the traffic is doing around me, but also my eyes are my ears as well. So if I see flashing lights I will as soon as I can move into another lane and get out of the way. When I am driving I am always checking my mirrors for things going on around me. I also have no distractions going on while driving. There is no sense for me to turn on the radio unless I turn it up so loud that it vibrates the entire car so I can feel the vibrations. I think people around me would think I was totally nuts then.  You also think texting while driving is dangerous and yes it is, but having a conversation with a passenger while using sign language is even worse.  Don't ever try it. In the time I have been driving I have only gotten one ticket and that was a parking ticket. 

As I have gotten older and been raising a kid on my own, I have had to use different methods to waking up. An alarm clock does not work for me. So I have a device that straps to my wrist before I go to bed and I set it just like an alarm clock. When it goes off in the morning it vibrates like crazy to the point where my arm starts shaking. It wakes me up. This is a very good thing when you have a teenager who is very capable of hearing an alarm clock, but still sleeps through it because she stays up way too late on a school night and don't want to wake up early in the morning for school. 

As you also are probably aware the technology of phones have gone crazy over the years. For me they are pretty useless. I can't converse on a phone like a regular person. I do use the texting which is great. These Zoom things and FaceTime gadgets don't work for me as well mostly because it is very difficult to read the lips of the person/people on the video and especially if there are multiple people on the Zoom call and the conversation is moving around from person to person making it impossible for me to read the lips. 

As you can see these are just a few of the things in my life that I have had to adjust to , but certainly not enough to make it a miserable life for me.


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## Silent Rose (Mar 30, 2022)

Thinking of what I wrote on challenges from my life and even though they did not cause me to have a terrible life, I also want to highlight one major advancement that has really helped me at least in my life of things I enjoy.

Growing up, I always had television with closed captions which gave me the ability to watch TV programs that I wanted. This was not the case with new movies that came out in the cinema. There was not a special cinema for the deaf community that showed all the new films with closed captions or even one theater within the regular cinema that showed them that way. 

Now with all these streaming services and some even streaming brand new movies, I have that at my will to watch in the comfort of my home with closed captions on whatever movies I want to watch. Movies are something that the deaf and hearing impaired really enjoy as much as the regular hearing community. Even music,  believe it or not is something we enjoy and I will get into that in another post as that is something that deserves a post for itself.


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## hollydolly (Mar 30, 2022)

Silent Rose said:


> Thinking of what I wrote on challenges from my life and even though they did not cause me to have a terrible life, I also want to highlight one major advancement that has really helped me at least in my life of things I enjoy.
> 
> Growing up, I always had television with closed captions which gave me the ability to watch TV programs that I wanted. This was not the case with new movies that came out in the cinema. There was not a special cinema for the deaf community that showed all the new films with closed captions or even one theater within the regular cinema that showed them that way.
> 
> Now with all these streaming services and some even streaming brand new movies, I have that at my will to watch in the comfort of my home with closed captions on whatever movies I want to watch. Movies are something that the deaf and hearing impaired really enjoy as much as the regular hearing community. Even music,  believe it or not is something we enjoy and I will get into that in another post as that is something that deserves a post for itself.


Our house when I was a child was not a nice place.. I've told this story on here before so I shan't repeat it.. but we had a huge family, siblings, half siblings, cousins galore..aunt uncles, grandparents..but we always had family parties..usually held in my granddads home, by one or other of my aunts or uncles, and the best and most fun parties were always hosted by my profoundly deaf relations.

They were the ones who had the most modern records in the 60's.. .. and the music was always loud so they could feel the beat through their feet to dance.. I remember them all with affection ( the parties ).. and I still have some photos of back then in the 60's.. when I was a kid and all those relations were still young adults.. great memories..


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## Silent Rose (Mar 30, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> Our house when I was a child was not a nice place.. I've told this story on here before so I shan't repeat it.. but we had a huge family, siblings, half siblings, cousins galore..aunt uncles, grandparents..but we always had family parties..usually held in my granddads home, by one or other of my aunts or uncles, and the best and most fun parties were always hosted by my profoundly deaf relations.
> 
> They were the ones who had the most modern records in the 60's.. .. and the music was always loud so they could feel the beat through their feet to dance.. I remember them all with affection ( the parties ).. and I still have some photos of back then in the 60's.. when I was a kid and all those relations were still young adults.. great memories..


That is how we in that community listen to music or shall I say feel the vibrations of the beat of the music. I imagine the music is turned up so loud that music hearing folks cannot be too close to the speakers.  So really when listening to music for the deaf community it is the sensation of feeling that makes it happen. The vibration of the beat that can get us moving. If it is not turned up very loudly we would be so out of rhythm. 

Words or Lyrics to the songs are rather impossible to hear and that is the same in the speaking voice as well. This is why, especially like myself when someone is born deaf that the language development is so off and difficult to understand.


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## SeniorBen (Mar 30, 2022)

Silent Rose said:


> That is how we in that community listen to music or shall I say feel the vibrations of the beat of the music. I imagine the music is turned up so loud that music hearing folks cannot be too close to the speakers.  So really when listening to music for the deaf community it is the sensation of feeling that makes it happen. The vibration of the beat that can get us moving. If it is not turned up very loudly we would be so out of rhythm.
> 
> Words or Lyrics to the songs are rather impossible to hear and that is the same in the speaking voice as well. This is why, especially like myself when someone is born deaf that the language development is so off and difficult to understand.


It seems like there should be some kind of device that would allow you to feel the music without having to turn the volume up really loud... something that would pulse on your skin to the beat of the music.

After a quick search, there is something like that:
https://www.kqed.org/futureofyou/219070/for-deaf-tactile-sound-system-takes-music-beyond-the-vibe

Not too attractive, but that might not matter.

I'll bet less bulky system could be engineered.


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## Silent Rose (Mar 30, 2022)

SeniorBen said:


> It seems like there should be some kind of device that would allow you to feel the music without having to turn the volume up really loud... something that would pulse on your skin to the beat of the music.
> 
> After a quick search, there is something like that:
> https://www.kqed.org/futureofyou/219070/for-deaf-tactile-sound-system-takes-music-beyond-the-vibe
> ...


This system would be great for like at home for personal use or something like that, but attending a dance where everyone would have to be equipped with something like that would be extremely expensive I think. 

I hope you are right that in the future a less bulky system could be made.


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## SeniorBen (Mar 30, 2022)

Silent Rose said:


> This system would be great for like at home for personal use or something like that, but attending a dance where everyone would have to be equipped with something like that would be extremely expensive I think.
> 
> I hope you are right that in the future a less bulky system could be made.


Maybe I'll invent one.


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## JonSR77 (Mar 30, 2022)

Thanks for sharing your story.  Wishing you the very best.  I am also religious. If it were not for that, I don't know how I could have survived through my injuries, chronic pain, etc.


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## Jules (Mar 30, 2022)

Thanks for all this information @Silent Rose   You have a great attitude; it makes all the difference.


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## Silent Rose (Mar 31, 2022)

Jules said:


> Thanks for all this information @Silent Rose   You have a great attitude; it makes all the difference.


Thank You, I never really looked at being deaf from birth as being different from others. I however growing up was coddled and kind of separated from the hearing world for the most part. As I mentioned, I attended a school for the deaf and hearing impaired. All my friends were either deaf or hearing impaired growing up. I attended pretty much all functions that were with the hearing impaired community until I started college. So I was very naive to what the real or hearing world was like up to the point of going to college. When in college they really wanted us to go out and be in the hearing community with others and that was rough, especially for someone who really never experienced much of that growing up. 

Even today my experience with the hearing world other than interacting with my co-workers at work and that is limited to the nature of my job because my job is mostly an independent type job, I don't really socialize much in the hearing world. 

This is the first ever attempt at a forum based group and I am pretty much taking things day to day and on a trial basis with it. I do enjoy conversing through text, but I am not 100% sure this is really for me yet. I haven't even been here a week so I have time to see. Some of my hesitation is because it is all new and I may just have to get use to it all. I am trying to do that right now.

Like I also stated, I am very naive especially when it comes to things of the hearing world and things I am not familiar with and my fear of being taken advantage of is something that is there. 

So I guess what I am trying to say is it may look like I do have a great attitude and I suppose I do, but I also have my hesitations and fears mostly because in my life I have been isolated a lot from the world that most people live in.


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## JonSR77 (Mar 31, 2022)

Three Reasons....


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## Silent Rose (Mar 31, 2022)

I also wanted to add not only being in the deaf world my entire life because of the way I became deaf through contracting Bacterial Meningitis when I was a newborn, I also suffered from some mild learning disabilities throughout my life. 

Through a lot of work from my educators and therapists while growing up I have overcome many of these disabilities, but along the way not only not being able to hear I had other challenges to face that made learning things much more difficult for me and it took me longer for most things to learn as well. 

This was another of the reasons why I suppose I was isolated in many ways which I know was probably not the best thing to do, but I guess back then my mom who was raising me on her own didn't want to add any more challenges to my plate that I already had. I appreciate my mom and the sacrifices she did for me all my life and even today. I would not be the woman I am today without her. 

I also give much credit to all of my hard working teachers and therapists, especially my speech therapist who when I first went to her I would not speak at all. Now even though my speech is still not wonderful and I really am still uncomfortable with it, it is much better than it was back when I started as a child. I credit that to my first Speech Therapist and the others that came after her for sticking with me.


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## Silent Rose (Mar 31, 2022)

Like I had stated in previous posts here and elsewhere throughout the site, I have been taking my days here on the site as a day to day trial basis.

I have never been involved in anything like this before and I am not such a social person and what I am doing here is really out of my norm. I am somewhat uncomfortable with all of this even though the way of communicating is very easy for me with text. I joined this site mostly as it stated there was no political agenda and I suppose that is monitored in some way, but honestly it is in many ways still shown through in many of the strongly opinionated posts here and it is obvious that many people on here just want to start trouble with it and I from day one stated I was neither a person that was opinionated for or against any of that tension type of topics. Maybe it is because I have been isolated from most of the real world a lot of my life and I am very naive and thin skinned and that is my problem, but my decision is this sort of thing is not for me. 

I have asked @Matrix to either disable my account or ban it and whether he does that, I don't know.


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## Pinky (Mar 31, 2022)

@Silent Rose 
You've made a valuable contribution to the forum since you joined. I've enjoyed your honest and intelligent posts, and am sorry to see you go. I urge you to join other forums that may be more to your liking.


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## JonSR77 (Mar 31, 2022)

Silent Rose said:


> Like I had stated in previous posts here and elsewhere throughout the site, I have been taking my days here on the site as a day to day trial basis.
> 
> I have never been involved in anything like this before and I am not such a social person and what I am doing here is really out of my norm. I am somewhat uncomfortable with all of this even though the way of communicating is very easy for me with text. I joined this site mostly as it stated there was no political agenda and I suppose that is monitored in some way, but honestly it is in many ways still shown through in many of the strongly opinionated posts here and it is obvious that many people on here just want to start trouble with it and I from day one stated I was neither a person that was opinionated for or against any of that tension type of topics. Maybe it is because I have been isolated from most of the real world a lot of my life and I am very naive and thin skinned and that is my problem, but my decision is this sort of thing is not for me.
> 
> I have asked @Matrix to either disable my account or ban it and whether he does that, I don't know.



sorry to see you go. completely understand. have left many, many, many, many sites, forums, message boards, etc.

take care now.


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## JonSR77 (Mar 31, 2022)

Silent Rose said:


> Like I had stated in previous posts here and elsewhere throughout the site, I have been taking my days here on the site as a day to day trial basis.
> 
> I have never been involved in anything like this before and I am not such a social person and what I am doing here is really out of my norm. I am somewhat uncomfortable with all of this even though the way of communicating is very easy for me with text. I joined this site mostly as it stated there was no political agenda and I suppose that is monitored in some way, but honestly it is in many ways still shown through in many of the strongly opinionated posts here and it is obvious that many people on here just want to start trouble with it and I from day one stated I was neither a person that was opinionated for or against any of that tension type of topics. Maybe it is because I have been isolated from most of the real world a lot of my life and I am very naive and thin skinned and that is my problem, but my decision is this sort of thing is not for me.
> 
> I have asked @Matrix to either disable my account or ban it and whether he does that, I don't know.



before you go, I want to send you some links about the internet and navigating through it...

I will private message you.


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## Alligatorob (Apr 2, 2022)

Silent Rose said:


> my decision is this sort of thing is not for me.


Sorry to hear that, I always appreciated your posts and thought you made a positive contribution.  You will be missed.

Your request to disconnect may have already happened, but I hope you do see this and the other comments about your departure.

Rob


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## SmoothSeas (Apr 2, 2022)

you are a refreshing voice; sorry to see you go...


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## Kaila (Apr 2, 2022)

I want to thank you for all that you shared with us, 
and thank you for your time and efforts, in writing the posts you did, and for all that you have added to our forum.
 I am sorry you are leaving, and I will miss you, but you know what is best for you.
Take care.  We wish you many good things.


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 2, 2022)

@Silent Rose, very sad to hear you are leaving, but I wish you a happy future full of light and love.  It's been a pleasure to meet you and I have enjoyed your posts here.  Take good care of yourself.....hugs.


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