# Verbal Street Harassment of Women, a Daily Annoyance



## SeaBreeze (Oct 28, 2014)

Many girls or women who spent any time in a big city especially, have experienced some degree of verbal street harassment from men.  It's true, there are a few women who like it, but I'm not one of them.  And I could have spent time behind bars if looks could kill, when while hitting on me, they told me to smile. 

Have you been harassed like this at all, how do you feel about it?


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## SifuPhil (Oct 28, 2014)

I notice that they claim the harassers were of all backgrounds but not that the majority of them were black ... 

(Here come the flames)


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## RadishRose (Oct 28, 2014)

I sure have and it embarrassed me to no end! I was younger then.


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## SeaBreeze (Oct 28, 2014)

I agree that the majority of those shown in the video were black men, but in my personal experience, the verbal comments have come from men of all races, ethnic backgrounds and ages.


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## AprilT (Oct 28, 2014)

Par for course, especially if you've ever lived a widely populated area and NY, fugetaboutit, that was all of my years from pre-teen on.  Now it's not to that degree, but even in the area I live in now, I've experienced some incidents that were quite uncomfortable and believe me, I was dressed quite modestly.  Oh and there are very few men of color in my area.  There are some types of men more prone to the behavior, but, I've witnessed it and experienced from all socioeconomic levels and environments.


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## AprilT (Oct 28, 2014)

Cool addition


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## SeaBreeze (Oct 28, 2014)

Bravo April, it's NOT okay...and a turn off!  :applause2:


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## Warrigal (Oct 28, 2014)

Many moons ago, but I knew that I was no longer considered tasty when the garbage men stopped the wolf whistles and approving comments.
It was irritating at the time but not meant to be demeaning. Then the second wave of feminism pointed out that such behaviour is not always appreciated and as far as I know it all but disappeared. It certainly did as far as I was concerned.

I can't speak for my grand daughters, although the youngest has had to deal with a man on a public train who was masturbating at her. 
I'm assuming that is not what this thread is about. Such behaviour is criminal.


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 29, 2014)

It wasn't me!


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## hollydolly (Oct 29, 2014)

Yes I've had all of these comments and more my entire life...well not so much the last 10 years but I absolutely can identify with this lady,  and she is wearing the exact same face I always wore...

I was not happy with the constant comments and when I didn't/don't smile at them then derogatory comments are occasionally called out too. I understand men are showing their appreciation in the animal way they know how..I really do understand that, what I don't think the majority of them who cat call and whistle like that realise that to a woman  it's demeaning, embarrassing and downright threatening .


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 29, 2014)

Women are annoyed if we pay attention to them and if we don't...


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## hollydolly (Oct 29, 2014)

Yes that's somewhat true Ralphy but there's ways and means and harassment is not one of them!!


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 29, 2014)

Yes, it depends on how excessive the attention is...


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## Debby (Oct 29, 2014)

Ralphy1 said:


> Women are annoyed if we pay attention to them and if we don't...




I think it's more a question of HOW men pay attention to women that is the issue, not that they do.


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## QuickSilver (Oct 29, 2014)

AprilT said:


> Par for course, especially if you've ever lived a widely populated area and NY, fugetaboutit, that was all of my years from pre-teen on.  Now it's not to that degree, but even in the area I live in now, I've experienced some incidents that were quite uncomfortable and believe me, I was dressed quite modestly.  Oh and there are very few men of color in my area.  There are some types of men more prone to the behavior, but, I've witnessed it and experienced from all socioeconomic levels and environments.



yeah me too... and when I was young, it bothered me to no end.  It was horrible.    NOW?  come on admit it...  wouldn't a little whistle be nice?


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## Falcon (Oct 29, 2014)

I always look but keep my lips zipped.

   However, If we happen to be friends, I speak up with compliments and they seem to appreciate it.


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## oakapple (Oct 29, 2014)

You can't blame men for looking, but that's all they should do, unless the woman decides to flirt with them.It happened to me [in the long long ago] but it wasn't what I would term harrassment, more a comment like 'hello darling' or a whistle.I was ok with that.I never felt uncomfortable, I knew it was meant to be appreciative, and I found that a  smile at them and walking by was the best thing.Things may well have changed though, and become more intimidating, I really don't know.


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## Warrigal (Oct 29, 2014)

I watched the video and that was harassment most of the time in that the woman was expected to respond and when she didn't, they kept it up. It was tantamount to torment and could be very intimidating to very young women.

The only time I had a persistent follower was when my sister and I went window shopping one evening. I was about 21 and she 4 years younger. We picked up a couple of young punks on our tail who were very annoying and very persistent. I don't think they realised how old I was, nor the fact that I was already a mother and a high school teacher. In the end, I had had enough and turned on them and barked "Get lost" at them. They did. My face was probably as menacing as my tone of voice. A new mother is usually sleep deprived and often cranky.


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## AprilT (Oct 29, 2014)

QuickSilver said:


> yeah me too... and when I was young, it bothered me to no end.  It was horrible.    NOW?  come on admit it...  wouldn't a little whistle be nice?



I don't mind a whistle or a simple compliment, but, the guys would get really nasty and sleazy about it at times, those are the types I didn't appreciate, which happened often while living in certain cities.  And if you didn't pay them mind the harassment went beyond just yelling out comments to surrounding you and getting up in your face.  More than once, I've had guys get into fights protecting me while I'm just waiting for a bus to get home after getting off work.  My experiences were really bad, so, no, I don't often welcome the comments, no matter how old I'm getting.  And at my old age, I still run into harassing situations I haven't had them happen as bad as years past, not even close to it, but, it still happens.  I don't mind men flirting with me, though I am so happy for the invention of headphones and ipods gadgetry, it has made life so much more pleasant all around as far as dealing with unwanted intrusions.

I know some people would be happy to have any attention and yes there are times when it's fun, like when I'm planning to attend a function where I get all dolled up and it's kind of expected some will pay compliments, but, having experienced some real intense harassment for most of my life, I don't get giddy over the idea of it continuing into my 70's for that matter into my 60's.  I've dreamed of invisibility my whole life.


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## Warrigal (Oct 29, 2014)

And that is the damage of this kind of behaviour. Women shouldn't have to be invisible nor should they have to hide under a burqa to avoid being treated like a street walker.


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## Warrigal (Oct 29, 2014)

She seems to have hit a nerve



> *Woman receives rape threats after recording 10 hours of harassment in New York*
> 
> An actor who recorded 10 hours of catcalls and remarks from passersby in New York City has received rape threats in response to a video detailing the harassment, the advocacy group that commissioned the video said on Tuesday.
> 
> ...


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 30, 2014)

Could the massive porn watching on the Internet be fueling this?  Just a thought...


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## Warrigal (Oct 30, 2014)

I don't really think so. This kind of harassment is not dissimilar to little boys jeering at little girls and tormenting them until they react. These men are an example of arrested development IMO. Very likely a lot of them have their mates watching on and sniggering.

The only effect porn might make is convincing such boy-men that women are as fixated on their joy sticks as they are themselves. How could any woman refuse them ?


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 30, 2014)

Did you say joy sticks!?  You have shocked this innocent young lad beyond belief!


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## Warrigal (Oct 30, 2014)

I was going to say genitals but that could have been ambiguous. You did understand my meaning apparently.


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 30, 2014)

Yes, and I am shy, but but not naive, and still recovering from your coarseness...


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## QuickSilver (Oct 30, 2014)

NYC has always been notorious for this kind of behavior... It's been going on LOOOOOOONG  before porn watching on the internet.  Sex in the City characters made it part of their scenes..  Remember when Miranda came right back at the cat calling construction workers and called their bluff?   It seems like it's kind of a game in the city.   That of course doesn't make it right if women are intimidated by it.  I personally never was offended by a random whistle or harmless remark.. It made me walk a little taller... of course it goes without saying that profanity, vulgarity, and physical assault by following is over the line.


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## Warrigal (Oct 30, 2014)

fff: Ralphy, can't you recognise a metaphor when you see one? 

Or do you favour using proper noun expressions like John Thomas or Percy?

Cultural norms can be very tricky.  For example, how many people outside of OZ know that "a dead dingo's donger" is a metaphor for dryness and an indication that someone wants another schooner of beer. :givemebeer:


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 30, 2014)

Nice try.  But you should apologize to the forum for shattering any member's gentle sensitivity besides mine...


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## Warrigal (Oct 30, 2014)

Nice try but :tongue:


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## Pappy (Oct 30, 2014)

I'm still recuperating from the phrase, "dead dingo's donger."


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## Warrigal (Oct 30, 2014)

I gather that you've never seen  the movie "The Adventure's of Barry McKenzie" then Pappy.
If it was shown in your country, they probably released it with sub titles or dubbed dialogue like other foreign language films.


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## rkunsaw (Oct 30, 2014)

An old saying I heard years ago:

You've got to whistle at all the women...the pretty ones expect it and the ugly ones appreciate it.

Please let me know when it's safe to come out of hiding.


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 30, 2014)

You had better not come out for awhile, maybe a long while...


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## QuickSilver (Oct 30, 2014)

rkunsaw said:


> An old saying I heard years ago:
> 
> You've got to whistle at all the women...the pretty ones expect it and the ugly ones appreciate it.
> 
> Please let me know when it's safe to come out of hiding.



I'd have to agree... I'm not ugly, but I'm also 65.. so no more whistles..  I'd wonder what was wrong with someone who did..  I'd be more afraid of him.  

BUT... I think Americans are generally way to uptight about sex.. or the appreciation of attractive people.  However, there's a difference in a harmless whistle, and out and out harassment and vulgarity.   I never minded the whistle.. it put a strut in my step.


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## Twixie (Oct 30, 2014)

Lol..that's one of the benchmarks of getting older..when you walk past a building site and no-one whistles..

I used to feel like going back and shouting.''What's wrong with me then?''..


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## Jackie22 (Oct 30, 2014)

Twixie said:


> Lol..that's one of the benchmarks of getting older..when you walk past a building site and no-one whistles..
> 
> I used to feel like going back and shouting.''What's wrong with me then?''..



I agree, Twixie, used to enjoy the whistles....its been a while..lol.


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## Twixie (Oct 30, 2014)

Jackie22 said:


> I agree, Twixie, used to enjoy the whistles....its been a while..lol.



I used to enjoy them but if I knew they were watching me, my legs used to go all funny!..


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## QuickSilver (Oct 30, 2014)

Jackie22 said:


> I agree, Twixie, used to enjoy the whistles....its been a while..lol.



For sure...  As a young nurse, the doctors used to seek me out and be sure to talk to me about their patients.  NOW?  They look past me in search of a young pretty one.  Sometimes we older women start feeling like we are invisible.   On the other hand... age has it's privileges.   I have no problem going toe to toe with a doctor. The young nurses are afraid of them..  Not me..  I have no problem setting any one of them straight if I feel they have crossed a line... particularly in their behavior.


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## Twixie (Oct 30, 2014)

QuickSilver said:


> For sure...  As a young nurse, the doctors used to seek me out and be sure to talk to me about their patients.  NOW?  They look past me in search of a young pretty one.  Sometimes we older women start feeling like we are invisible.   On the other hand... age has it's privileges.   I have no problem going toe to toe with a doctor. The young nurses are afraid of them..  Not me..  I have no problem setting any one of them straight if I feel they have crossed a line... particularly in their behavior.



What I find particularly annoying is a young girl who has obviously been employed for her sex appeal, with the IQ of a pumpkin..

I have spent hours trying to train these girls...


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## Twixie (Oct 30, 2014)

Going back to the whistles..whistles were fine..but sometimes there would be an obscene remark..which I didn't like..

Builders can't do that here anymore..they can go to court and be fined for it!


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## SeaBreeze (Oct 30, 2014)

I will acknowledge someone who's just saying Good Morning, and giving a friendly smile, even today.  I wolf whistle was something I was always used to, okay if it wasn't excessive.  If any men got out of line with their comments, I'd sometimes fire back at them and they would back off.  Still getting some looks and acknowledgements today from various ages, even though I've always been in jeans and t-shirts, and never dressed provocatively.  The girl in the video does seem extra pi**ed off, but in a big city where the streets are crowded, you have to ignore if you don't want the aggravation.


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## Twixie (Oct 30, 2014)

I don't think it is aggressive..just a way of enlightening their boring jobs..


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## SifuPhil (Oct 30, 2014)

Back when I lived in Greenwich Village in NYC my daily walk took me past a construction site where there were 5 female construction workers.

Evidently they noticed my schedule and would always be on break when I came by. They'd be sitting on an iron beam, eating their lunches (yogurt, watercress sandwiches and some fresh fruit), and the harassment would begin ... 

"HEY, SWEETCHEEKS!"

"HUBBA-HUBBA, BUB!"

"OH!!! BOOM-BOP-BA-BOOM!"

"OH, BABY, WHO'S YER MOMMY?"


It made me feel so ... so ...

... cheap. :hurt:


I could barely stand going past them again the next day. 



In my tight jeans.


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## QuickSilver (Oct 30, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> Back when I lived in Greenwich Village in NYC my daily walk took me past a construction site where there were 5 female construction workers.
> 
> Evidently they noticed my schedule and would always be on break when I came by. They'd be sitting on an iron beam, eating their lunches (yogurt, watercress sandwiches and some fresh fruit), and the harassment would begin ...
> 
> ...



Probably walked around the block a few times  huh??


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## SifuPhil (Oct 30, 2014)

QuickSilver said:


> Probably walked around the block a few times  huh??



At least ...


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## Warrigal (Oct 31, 2014)

A follow up on this situation. Another woman's perspective.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-10-31/hales-walking-as-a-woman-when-compliments-are-threats/5858080



> *Walking as a woman: when 'compliments' are threats*
> 
> The Drum
> By     Lydia Hales
> ...



There was a time when men would doff their hats to a lady, and she would respond with a slight nod of the head. Or not.
Of course, in those days she was seldom unaccompanied  on the street but the working class girls were and I doubt that their experiences were quite so refined. Some men do see young women on their own as prey. It's just wrong.


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## SeaBreeze (Nov 4, 2014)

The same experiment done in Auckland, New Zealand...different results.


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## Warrigal (Nov 4, 2014)

Gotta luv New Zealand :heart:


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## SifuPhil (Nov 5, 2014)

It's certainly far removed from that wonderful multicultural melting pot known as New York City ...


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## Joslyn (Nov 7, 2014)

This has been going on since the beginning of time. As recent as 15 years ago, my workplace was incredibly toxic. Some of the remarks would most certainly raise a few eyebrows. Not saying it's right, I'm just saying. It's different now, I know that. That kind of behaviour would now be dealt with swiftly and assuredly.

I may be talking about a whole different issue, here, but .....

My main worry about this "Gomeshi effect" at this time, it is almost giving women "carte blanc". They are being encouraged to come forward and, if legitimate, of course they should. I just worry that some will be oppportunists, carry a grudge.

Ok, so Mr Gomeshi could have been more careful. If he wants to "enjoy" rough sex, there are plenty who would gladly partake. He needed to be more careful with who he chose to partner.. Just one more thing. These woman, who are complaining a long time after the act ( some years)  for the most part, didn't leave, they stayed, and they saw him again. Hell hath no fury ...........


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## Warrigal (Nov 7, 2014)

If women are feeling empowered to complain about the kind of unsolicited treatment that Jian Gomeshi was dishing out then that is a good thing. And if people are listening to them that is even better. Perhaps we will have less Jimmy Saville and Rolf Harris type revelations decades from now.


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## Joslyn (Nov 7, 2014)

If there is something good to come of this mess it is just that. That people will listen. I would imagine many persons ( can happen to men as well) will now feel there wii be a chance someone will hear them. It  can be a very grey area, all I'm saying.


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