# How do you react to unwanted gifts / gestures



## Jeni (May 18, 2022)

I remember growing up my grandmother (more so) and mother always seemed to encourage thanking people for anything and everything and being polite at all costs.

Now i no longer feel the need to placate others and i think there should be a middle option.

A  couple of weeks ago a friend....... who watches Food shows all the time even though he is TOO picky to make MOST recipes they show ... saw a salad recipe that had pickled beets in it...asked me if i had them before ( he never has)  or liked them
I said " yes had them before used to like them .. never buy them since i am only one in house who will eat it"
i was out of town for a week and bam upon return
he brought over two jars of pickled beets he bought after reading reviews and expected me, I guess to gush all over about it.....   I do NOT want them ..
He did this before with pickles worst tasting ones i ever had the misfortune to put in my mouth....

Did not ask for this and now feel like a heel for not making some grand thank you gesture...
this is an on going problem with this person and others giving me items i do not need or want ...
neighbor bring chocolates over even though she is well aware i cut out all sweets ...

I am getting frazzled ................. I want to be polite but I  refuse to pretend and take items I have ZERO interest in anymore. 
Any suggestions on handling these unwanted items ...

Fake thanking and giving items away has not worked they just INSIST on bring more crap over


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## Knight (May 18, 2022)

For the pickled beets.
Return them & thank him for being thoughtful. Then explain you don't want them to be wasted since no one in your home will eat them.

For the chocolates
If none were eaten. The same thing [return them]but explain you can't eat chocolates.

Not easy to turn down nice gestures after the fact. But necessary for you to build your future comfort. 

By doing what you need to do now any unwanted  gifts/gestures in the future will be a lot easier to say thanks but no thanks.  It's all in being sincere & not confrontational.


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## Jace (May 18, 2022)

Thanks, is the polite.."thing to do"..'no gushing'.."you shouldn't have"..he may 'pick up on'

Then, if you're city/town/area has a "food pantry"..you could donate to.
(As long as not expired date)
And it's convenient to get to.
Just an idea.


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## Jeni (May 18, 2022)

Jace said:


> Thanks, is the polite.."thing to do"..'no gushing'.."you shouldn't have"..he may 'pick up on'
> 
> Then, if you're city/town/area has a "food pantry"..you could donate to.
> (As long as not expired date)
> ...


I guess my issue is when......... thanking and packing up to give away as I always done have in past .... it seems to encourage some to continue this process...
i do not need the extra errands to give these things away.  in glass jars so food collection other then taking directly to food pantry do not want them cause they can break if not handled well. 

I am bombarded by "how were they ... they were very highly rated on site and i just KNEW you would love them "    who orders this type of thing?    and who knows what is coming down the pike next .....

i am considering faked sudden onset allergies..................... and told people i cannot eat many item i do NOT want them to bring things over and yet i am looking at MORE items maybe i will just throw away.


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## Alligatorob (May 18, 2022)

Jeni said:


> I remember growing up my grandmother (more so) and mother always seemed to encourage thanking people for anything and everything and being polite at all costs.


I think your grandmother was right, I always thank people.  However if it is not someone I want to encourage to give me more, or if I don't want to start a gift exchange I just keep the thanks to a minimum and do not reciprocate.

I end up regifting a lot of things.  We live in an area that is probably 99% Mormon and often things are brought to us as a kind of giving to everyone in the Ward.  We are the rare non Mormons.  Mostly they give food, freshly baked bread and the like.  Always thank them and if its something we want eat it, if not pass it on to someone who might eat it.  They are nice people, and I don't want to offend, but kind of wish they would quit.  Probably never will.


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## Knight (May 18, 2022)

Jeni said:


> I guess my issue is when......... thanking and packing up to give away as I always done have in past .... it seems to encourage some to continue this process...
> i do not need the extra errands to give these things away.  in glass jars so food collection other then taking directly to food pantry do not want them cause they can break if not handled well.
> 
> I am bombarded by "how were they ... they were very highly rated on site and i just KNEW you would love them "    who orders this type of thing?    and who knows what is coming down the pike next .....
> ...


I prefer straight up honesty. Declining with an explanation that you are truthful about beats wasting whatever was given or attempted to be given.


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## Nathan (May 18, 2022)

Jeni said:


> Fake thanking and giving items away has not worked they just INSIST on bring more crap over


Just being honest works better for you.  You feel good, they/them/he/she knows how you feel, case closed.


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## Em in Ohio (May 18, 2022)

Jeni said:


> I remember growing up my grandmother (more so) and mother always seemed to encourage thanking people for anything and everything and being polite at all costs.
> 
> Now i no longer feel the need to placate others and i think there should be a middle option.
> 
> ...


A neighbor and a friend are binge dieters and bring me their high calorie, high fat, high sugar, high carbs rather regularly.  Sometimes it is so much that I can't order the groceries that I want because of lack of space in cabinets, fridge, and freezer.  I try to subtly pass stuff on to family in plain brown wrappers!  Although, to be honest, I don't think they always welcome it either.  I hate to waste food, but admittedly, some of it eventually makes its way to the trash after it has expired.  But, I do just say "Thanks."  When I was dirt poor, I was grateful for anything edible.


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## Jeni (May 18, 2022)

I guess that is the conudrum is they put thought into it .. they assume they did a grand gesture..  they bought these specifically for me .... i should feel thankful .........but i DON"T. 

last time all  i had just said "one restaurant has really good pickles"  and i do not think many brands are very good .... 
this person ordered a CASE of the most god awful pickles ever and expected me to be thrilled .....
had to choke them down when ever they were over etc 
i just cannot be civil about this anymore........... these beets look horrible in the jar ..........brown in color ....
they bought off of Amazon (as they buy all sorts of junk off there).....
They said it had  great reviews ......... but like most reviews i find completely off to my taste  ... 
just like the pickles that are mostly still in flowerbed off porch........ where i spit those horrid things out.   
good news the juice on pickles killed all vegitation that was growing in sidewalk...


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## terry123 (May 19, 2022)

I would just say "no thanks" and close the door.  No need to explain why.  Some may think its cruel but I don't have room for unwanted items here in my house.  I am still packing up books and decor for The Salvation Army.


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## win231 (May 19, 2022)

I'm really LOL'ing when I read this.
A friend has a brother who always gives her whatever he doesn't want, no longer needs, or is so old it doesn't work.
She always says "Thank you," then she shows me whatever the gift/trash was & complains that she wants to throw it away, but she's afraid he'll find out & feel insulted.
He has given her a big box of tea bags - expired many years ago, candy that's so old it's moldy & a cordless phone from when they first came out, complete with that 3-foot antenna & lots of sputtering when you walk around the house.  
I always ask her:  _"Did he say, don't say I never give you anything?"_


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## Della (May 19, 2022)

Me:  "Oh thank you!  Aren't you kind."  Closes door, walks to kitchen, drops in trash.


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## win231 (May 19, 2022)

It's not only "things" that are the problem.
I previously posted about my former piano teacher's husband who considered himself a master chef.  He wanted me to try everything he cooked. I usually did & it was usually OK.
But one time, he insisted that I taste "Sweetbread."  I said _"Great; I love bread."  _I was 12 at the time & was imagining something like a homemade cinnamon roll.
But I noted that the kitchen didn't smell like bread; it smelled like something went bad.
When he opened the oven, I looked at it & said, _"What the hell kind of bread it that?.....I'm not eatin' that."_
He cursed at me in Romanian, while his wife laughed.


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## JustDave (May 19, 2022)

Jeni said:


> I am getting frazzled ................. I want to be polite but I  refuse to pretend and take items I have ZERO interest in anymore.
> Any suggestions on handling these unwanted items ...
> 
> Fake thanking and giving items away has not worked they just INSIST on bring more crap over


Well, I certainly understand this and experience the same thing.  But I don't know how to best handle it, so I'll be watching this thread.  It's really awkward when you don't want stuff.  My sister believes it's the thought that counts.  I disagree.  The thought counts much less than the unwanted gifts.  If the thought counts, think about not giving people stuff they don't want.  There's a thought!


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## hollydolly (May 19, 2022)

JustDave said:


> Well, I certainly understand this and experience the same thing.  But I don't know how to best handle it, so I'll be watching this thread.  It's really awkward when you don't want stuff.  My sister believes it's the thought that counts.  I disagree.  The thought counts much less than the unwanted gifts.  If the thought counts, think about not giving people stuff they don't want.  There's a thought!


MY DD thinks as you do... she's not interested in the thought behind it.. she just says NO!! The only time she doesn't say no, is if the gift comes from a work colleague or a boss, ..then she accepts it and throws it away.

I was always astounded at the things she throws away , simply because it's not something she has a use for... I even saw jewellery thrown away in her office waste basket !

She has no qualms either of saying no to even me.. it used to hurt if I bought her something, and she would say ''No thanks'' when I went to hand it over.. so now I never buy her anything..


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## Tish (May 19, 2022)

I think honesty is the best policy.


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## Knight (May 19, 2022)

Tish said:


> I think honesty is the best policy.


Yes if only people would turn the situation around.  Would they want dishonesty & possibly finding out the gift or what ever they had given was thrown away uneaten or unused?


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## Lee (May 19, 2022)

It is a sin to refuse a gift of chocolate methinks. Home made food gifts do a disappearing act into the trash. But in either case a warm thank you is required, the giver did think of you and deserves that.

As for other gifts such as a stuffed mouse dressed in her Sunday best that I received last week .......  It will sit on the window sill for a bit until I wait to tell her that the cat ate the mouse.


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## Tabby Ann (May 19, 2022)

Jeni said:


> I remember growing up my grandmother (more so) and mother always seemed to encourage thanking people for anything and everything and being polite at all costs.
> 
> Now i no longer feel the need to placate others and i think there should be a middle option.


I was brought up the same as you and agree with you there should be a middle option.  In addition to unwanted gifts there is a trend these days for store clerks to ask unwanted questions about how you are doing, as though they are doing you a favor to ask. At my age and with my ailments, I am never doing well but I don't want to discuss this when shopping or banking. This trend has even spread to unseen bank tellers at bank drive-thrus blaring out from public speakers for all the world to hear. The only polite response I've come up with is to say "Why Do You Ask?". Then after listening to their explanation I just move on without comment.


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## Lewkat (May 19, 2022)

One of the residents who used to live here, but has since passed away, had his girl friend come a few times a week to see him.  She, for some reason glomed onto me and would chat with me for hours while he slept during their visit.  I tried to be nice and attentive and listen to her medical woes, (she knew I was a nurse), but she took this to be a lasting friendship.  She now sends me cards, all manner of gifts, and texts me regularly.  I have asked her nicely not to do this and am rather abrupt in my responding texts, hoping she'll get the message.  She wanted to come and visit with me and I bluntly told her no.  I go out often with my own friends and family and have no intention of including her.  She means well, I know, but she is too pushy for my tastes.  I am not one of those, warm loving palsy walsy types at all.  I keep even my closest friends at a comfortable distance from me.  Oh well, it sometimes just doesn't register with some people.


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## hollydolly (May 19, 2022)

Tabby Ann said:


> I was brought up the same as you and agree with you there should be a middle option. * In addition to unwanted gifts there is a trend these days for store clerks to ask unwanted questions about how you are doing, as though they are doing you a favor to ask. At my age and with my ailments, I am never doing well but I don't want to discuss this when shopping or banking. This trend has even spread to unseen bank tellers at bank drive-thrus blaring out from public speakers for all the world to hear. The only polite response I've come up with is to say "Why Do You Ask?". Then after listening to their explanation I just move on without comment.*


Oh I so agree. At the risk of sounding curmudgeonly , I absolutely get secretly irritated by these questions. I answer politely and pleasantly , but I don't want to be questioned about my purchases..''oooh this is nice, never seen this before''.. or as has happened many times, when I've bought a newspaper or magazine, the  cashier reading the headline and making a comment... Nor do I really want to engage in conversation about the weather, the state of the country, the price of flowers.. my health or.. their private business either, which many seem to be willing to share.

By the time I packed my bag ( we pack our own bags in the UK) a teller just recently, told me that she'd got a sister who was mentally unhinged, that she'd been burgled, that she loved  the colour yellow... well.. I'm sorry but I do not Care !!


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## StarSong (May 19, 2022)

To me, it's the thought that counts.  If I were in your pickle over pickles, I'd have returned all but two jars with a smile, a thank-you, and a light-hearted comment that while you do occasionally enjoy pickles, you'd never finish that many of them before they hit their expiration.

The chocolates are easy.  If a neighbor brought over food I can't eat I'd just hand it back saying, "It's so kind of you to think of me but I stopped eating XYZ a number of years ago." 

Regarding the beets, I'd open a jar and taste them.  What the heck - they might be delicious.  If not, no harm done, just toss them.  When your friend inquires you can honestly say that as you'd mentioned you hadn't eaten beets in years.  Turns out your tastebuds must have changed during that time.

You can also have a talk with your friend saying that while you appreciate his gestures, you'd really prefer that he doesn't buy food, groceries or other little gifts for you anymore - his friendship is gift enough.


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## win231 (May 19, 2022)

Tabby Ann said:


> I was brought up the same as you and agree with you there should be a middle option.  In addition to unwanted gifts there is a trend these days for store clerks to ask unwanted questions about how you are doing, as though they are doing you a favor to ask. At my age and with my ailments, I am never doing well but I don't want to discuss this when shopping or banking. This trend has even spread to unseen bank tellers at bank drive-thrus blaring out from public speakers for all the world to hear. The only polite response I've come up with is to say "Why Do You Ask?". Then after listening to their explanation I just move on without comment.


How about responding, "I don't complain as long as I'm vertical."


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## feywon (May 19, 2022)

Jeni said:


> I guess my issue is when......... thanking and packing up to give away as I always done have in past .... it seems to encourage some to continue this process...
> i do not need the extra errands to give these things away.  in glass jars so food collection other then taking directly to food pantry do not want them cause they can break if not handled well.
> 
> I am bombarded by "how were they ... they were very highly rated on site and i just KNEW you would love them "    who orders this type of thing?    and who knows what is coming down the pike next .....
> ...


Re the phrase i made bold:  No need to do that.   Just say as pleasantly, but firmly as you can muster that you appreciate them thinking of you but you can't* use* whatever.   With food "This is not part of my nutritional plans."  With any other items--- "I've been trying to declutter and downsize."


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## Gaer (May 19, 2022)

It's not WHAT they give you, it's the thought that wanted to give you 
something, that they had thoughts of kindness toward you.  
A smile and a "Thank you" is always appropriate.  
Kindness and graciousness are desired qualities of the heart.


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## Gary O' (May 19, 2022)

How do you react to unwanted gifts / gestures​


StarSong said:


> You can also have a talk with your friend saying that while you appreciate his gestures, you'd really prefer that he doesn't buy food, groceries or other little gifts for you anymore - his friendship is gift enough.


Yeah, we've told pretty much everyone to save their money.
We've got too much stuff.
Their visit and friendship is their gift.

As far as food.......gimmee.
Wife will put it in her soup if nothing else.

Got some inedible cookies from a neighbor once.
The seagulls loved 'em


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## RadishRose (May 19, 2022)

I would just say thank you. Gratitude is a nice feeling.

Then I would ask others (that don't know the giver) if they would like to have the items.


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## Capt Lightning (May 20, 2022)

I like whisky (some more than others), but some friends have thought that if you like whisky, then you like all spirits.  Not so.  I've been given some awful spirits, like Bourbon and vodka.  I've smiled and accepted these and thanked the giver.   The vodka was raved about in ads., but I thought it was the most foul disgusting muck.  I had great difficulty giving it away.    Other small gifts have ended up in charity shops - well outside my local area.


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## StarSong (May 20, 2022)

Capt Lightning said:


> I like whisky (some more than others), but some friends have thought that if you like whisky, then you like all spirits.  Not so.  I've been given some awful spirits, like Bourbon and vodka.  I've smiled and accepted these and thanked the giver.   The vodka was raved about in ads., but I thought it was the most foul disgusting muck.  I had great difficulty giving it away.    Other small gifts have ended up in charity shops - well outside my local area.


I don't have trouble giving away alcoholic beverages.  Between my thirty-something children and their friends, I can usually find someone who likes what I'm hoping to ditch.  

Years ago my husband bought a sipping rum that came highly recommended. He took one sip and made a face. It sat in our liquor cabinet. Fast forward a few years... one of my sisters was visiting and mentioned that she had become fond of sipping rums. Turns out that the one DH hated was her favorite. She drank some during her week here and took the rest of the bottle with her. Win-win!


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## debodun (May 20, 2022)

It's my belief that when people select a gift to give someone else, they subconsciously select something they would like to have themselves, not the recipient. That's why so many gifts are unappreciated.

My aunt sent me a bouquet of cut flowers for my birthday. Now I happen to think cut flowers are one of the biggest wastes of money there is, but I thanked her profusely - I know her heart is in the right place and I had dying flowers to look at for a week.

I tell people that my gift preference is that if I can't eat it or fold it up and put it in my wallet, don't bother.


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## hollydolly (May 20, 2022)

debodun said:


> It's my belief that when people select a gift to give someone else, they subconsciously select something they would like to have themselves, not the recipient. That's why so many gifts are unappreciated.
> 
> My aunt sent me a bouquet of cut flowers for my birthday. Now I happen to think cut flowers are one of the biggest wastes of money there is, but I thanked her profusely - I know her heart is in the right place and I had dying flowers to look at for a week.


I agree, I always make it clear to people I never want cut flowers as a gift. I have enough flowers in my own garden without people wasting good money on farmed flowers... 

Equally as a Non drinker..I have no probs whatsoever  re-gifting Alcohol...


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## Pinky (May 20, 2022)

I accept the gift graciously, and if it's something I would never use, I donate it to Goodwill. Fortunately, our family stopped gift-giving some time ago. We occasionally give gift-cards/cash for occasions such as a special birthday. With our daughter & SIL, for birthday/Xmas, we have wish lists. That way, no money is wasted, and the gifts appreciated.


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## helenbacque (May 20, 2022)

Maybe the gift-ers were raised to 'never go without a gift'.


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## StarSong (May 20, 2022)

With family members we've established that DH and I want only consumable gifts - no weird foods please - and nothing that adds to our collection of stuff, unless it's something we request.  

Our kids give us gifts like creams and lotions DD knows I favor, gourmet coffee, excellent vegan ice cream and/or vegan cookies (from our vegan son & DIL), lovely jams, and so forth.    

When throwing holiday parties, within the invitation I strongly request our guests to not bring anything.  However, _if they feel absolutely compelled to bring something_, a basil plant (Trader Joe's always has nice ones), poinsettia, or a bottle of wine would be welcome.


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## Jules (May 20, 2022)

My best friend’s biggest pleasure is giving a gift for any occasion.  I just accept it and stick it in a drawer until I can donate it.  A neighbour likes to give me her crocheted dish clothes. This is her hobby, so I’ll keep on accepting and donating.  No big deal to be polite to people; I just grumble to my husband.  

The one thing I absolutely hate is receiving cut flowers from dinner guests.  It means I have to interrupt my dinner preparations, get a ladder to find a vase and prep the flowers.  In some magazine article from years ago, I read that it was poor etiquette to bring flowers and I agree.


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## carouselsilver (May 20, 2022)

My BIL sends us a so called "care package" during the holidays. It is always a box of absolute junk, and rarely anything that we can use. For example, one year it contained two sets of wooden chopsticks. They live in Scotland, so the calendar is the most useless thing in the box since it starts the week on Monday and not Sunday as we are used to. I always wish to plead with them not to send the box because most of the items are just useless clutter. But hubby doesn't want to make them feel bad. Sigh.


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## Jules (May 20, 2022)

@carouselsilver  It must be costing a fortune to send something from Scotland.  They may appreciate you asking them to quit because ‘fill in an excuse here’.  Say downsizing, pretend you’re thinking of selling, anything.


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## Jace (May 20, 2022)

Shouldn't it come down to... " being grateful" that someone likes "us"enough 
to give something?


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## carouselsilver (May 20, 2022)

Jace said:


> Should it down to... " being grateful" that someone likes "us"enough
> to give something?


That is one way to look at it, I guess! We don't express affection with "things," and it makes it a lot easier. Hubby knows that I don't expect him to make a fuss for my birthday or Valentine's day, etc, and vice versa. A simple acknowledgement and a kiss is fine with me.


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## Murrmurr (May 20, 2022)

RadishRose said:


> I would just say thank you. Gratitude is a nice feeling.
> 
> Then I would ask others (that don't know the giver) if they would like to have the items.


Same.


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## Jules (May 20, 2022)

While visiting me from another province, my mother took a little gift over to the grandson of one of her best friend’s from back home.  She got a no thanks and the door shut in her face.  She could have accepted it and made an excuse about being busy.  Some people need to learn to be polite.  IMO, there’s rarely an excuse for bad manners.


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## palides2021 (May 20, 2022)

My in-laws were big gift givers. I wasn't used to this. My late husband told me "When someone gives you a gift, take it." I still have the stuff they gave me decades ago. Others have also given me gifts over the years, especially when we'd invite them over for dinner. I don't throw anything away (unless it's rotten or tastes bad!). I also don't give their gifts to others, because they might find out it was recycled, and that's very embarrassing. I've grown used to keeping gifts (embroidered pillows, ceramics, icons, paintings, vases, jewelry, dolls, etc). They have become a part of my house and who I am. Most importantly, they are a reminder of the people who gave them to me. Food gifts don't bother me because I could always say, "Thanks, I'm on a diet."

When I gave bags of fruit to my neighbors (from my fruit trees) each year, I would just stop by and give them to them -  they were always accepting them. But now because of the covid, they're not as forthcoming and say they get their fruit from the market, lol. That's ok with me.

It's the thought that counts.


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## StarSong (May 20, 2022)

Jules said:


> My best friend’s biggest pleasure is giving a gift for any occasion.  I just accept it and stick it in a drawer until I can donate it.  A neighbour likes to give me her crocheted dish clothes. This is her hobby, so I’ll keep on accepting and donating.  No big deal to be polite to people; I just grumble to my husband.
> 
> The one thing I absolutely hate is receiving cut flowers from dinner guests.  It means I have to interrupt my dinner preparations, get a ladder to find a vase and prep the flowers.  In some magazine article from years ago, I read that it was poor etiquette to bring flowers and I agree.


When someone brings me cut flowers I just point to the area where my vases are and say, "Thank you so much, they're beautiful!  Would you mind putting them in a vase for me?"


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## win231 (May 20, 2022)

If someone gives me a gift I don't want, I just say "Thank you" & give it to someone else after I ask them if they want it.


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## carouselsilver (May 20, 2022)

When we got engaged, my SIL sent us two very ugly decorative dishes. It wasn't clear what they were to be used for, because they were too big to be candy dishes, but too small for serving food. I kept them because it was a gesture of affection and well wishing us on our marriage. Still, I wasn't too upset when one of them got broken!


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## Victor (May 21, 2022)

Sometimes gifts are useless and thoughtless from family who should know better.  Half hearted giving and they know it. Going through the motions for birthdays.  I have got many. Clothes much too big and not even things I ask for. Almost better to get nothing?? Why be grateful.


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## debodun (May 21, 2022)

Clothing as such a personal item - you'd have to know the right size and the preferred colors and styles the recipient would like.

When I was in high school, my best friend at the time was living with her aunt and they were very poor. When my birthday rolled around, she gave me a sleeveless white wool sweater. It was very nice, but just happened to be my friend's size, not mine. Also, I'm allergic to wool.  My mom said they probably picked it out in my friend's size hoping I'd return it, but I never did. That poor sweather languished in my dresser for years.


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## Fyrefox (May 23, 2022)

A famous author once wrote about “the greed of giving” as a form of psychological manipulation intended to ingratiate the giver with the recipient, and possibly gain leverage over that person in the future.  While this would be an extreme, there are gradations to giving and the appropriateness of it.  I personally find that food gifts are the worst, especially those prepared in a kitchen of questionable cleanliness, or garnered as store-bought bargains.

I had a neighbor who would travel to far-flung outlets, returning to gift me with such uninvited delicacies as large bags of over-the-hill bagels and donuts, most of which I would have to trash.  The poor soul meant well…but the streets of hell are paved with good intentions!


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## katlupe (May 23, 2022)

I just say no thank that I cannot eat that (or use that) or that I already have one. I have a friend who brings food she gets from a local food give away and I take the eggs and say no thank you for the rest of it. Then she goes to another apartment.


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## StarSong (May 23, 2022)

Fyrefox said:


> A famous author once wrote about “the greed of giving” as a form of psychological manipulation intended to ingratiate the giver with the recipient, and possibly gain leverage over that person in the future.


I know someone who did this with her family members.  Her inappropriate gifts boomeranged and cost her a number of relationships.  She thought she was buying loyalty and preferential treatment but in actuality she created resentment and distance.


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## fuzzybuddy (May 23, 2022)

When others care enough about you to bring you gifts, you're a creep if you don't thank them, and mean it. That doesn't mean you can't tell them their gift was lacking somehow. It's the giving, not the gift, which is important. Otherwise, thinking you love it, they'll get you more.


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## carouselsilver (May 23, 2022)

Maybe the crappy gifts from Scotland will stop now, since I politely complained about the fact that my BIL kept using my maiden name when mailing the package, despite me being married to his brother for ten years. It's funny how gift giving can be so complicated.
I recently gave a refurbished laptop to a casual friend in another state. She thanked me, and I rarely hear from her. But I wasn't expecting anything to change by giving the laptop to her, and was only responding to the fact that she lives on a fixed income and couldn't afford to replace her outdated computer.


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## Been There (May 24, 2022)

Jeni said:


> I remember growing up my grandmother (more so) and mother always seemed to encourage thanking people for anything and everything and being polite at all costs.
> 
> Now i no longer feel the need to placate others and i think there should be a middle option.
> 
> ...


Did you ever watch the Andy Griffith Show in the afternoon and the episode where Barney and Andy have to eat all of Aunt Bee's pickles she was going to use for the contest at the county fair and Barney called them Kerosene Cucumbers?" Go to 3:30.


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## Leann (May 24, 2022)

Over and again I have told everyone in my family and close circle of friends to please not give me gifts. Their presence in my life is the only present I will ever need. Unfortunately only a few have heeded my request. So when I do receive gifts, I accept them graciously but always with the caveat that I don't need anything and perhaps they would think of making a donation to a favorite charity instead. 

Now, what happens with the gifts? Well, most have gone unused so I have donated them in the hopes that someone else will be happy to have them.


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## timoc (May 24, 2022)

How do you react to unwanted gifts?​
I smile and thank the person heartily, then, on that person's next birthday, I give them the same gift back, rewrapped of course, and, if they say, "Why, this is exactly like the gift I gave you for Christmas?"
I smile and reply, "That's amazing isn't it, well, well, it just goes to show how we both have impecable taste in gifts?"


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