# Husband died Xmas day 2019 I want to move should I?



## Barneyhill (Jul 31, 2020)

My husband died Christmas day 2019. I got past that day and I am slowly learning how to make it on my own.There is one thing left now I want to move out of the home I shared with him for 36 years. To tell you the truth I wanted to move from here 30 years ago but my husband refused to give to go. We moved to this home a year after we were married in 1984. We moved here because his brother and his family lived across the alley from our home.

That was mistake in time My husband and his brother were extremely close they had been this way since their childhood. But in 1986 they purchased an county auction home next door to our home. Neither one of them informed their wives what they were about to do before purchasing this real estate property. They put their heads together and left their wives out of their dreams and plans. Well they brought the house and one week later they had a fight about who should be the sole owner. These two men stopped speaking to each other for 14 years. Sometimes things would get pretty heated between them

My brother in law once aimed a  rifle at my husband yes they were fighting over the old auction house, My brother -in- law told me years later the rifle was loaded and he pulled the trigger but it malfunctioned and the rifle didn't fire. He added "God was watching over my husband that day"  Our family attorney talked to my husband and told him he needed to move away from the immediate vicinity of his brother he even drove my husband to look at a property that he owned, his sideline was real estate also.

My husband said he wasn't leaving no way would he leave. Finally about the year 2000 my husband's father passed away and he and his brother made up at their father's funeral. But looking back at the years they fought together is indeed kind of hard it wasn't pretty rough especially when my brother-in- law came to our street and stirred up trouble by telling our neighbors about the quarrel he had with his brother. Our neighbors took sides with him and we were harrassed by them because of my brother-in laws gossip.

In time these two guys became friends again but I can't help remembering the period when they wern't speaking and all the hardships it caused both families it was very bad and on several occasions the poilce had to intervene when they fought.

Now that my husband is gone. I feel I have to leave this home and move a good distance it's too many bad memories and what makes it worse is looking out my kitchen window and seeing my brother-in law's home across the alley. My brother in law died in June 2017 and his wife passed New Years Day 2004. My brother -in laws daughters still carry a grudge about the time my husband and his brother weren't speaking. You see I am the one who just married into their family my husband was blood kin to them so they feel I don't count and they don't have to be kind to me.

I am anxious to leave the house is paid off and I want to turn it into a rental property so it come be an extra source of income for me.
Do you think I am doing making the right move?


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## Devi (Jul 31, 2020)

I would move. I'd move fast, and either rent out the property or sell it.


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## Keesha (Jul 31, 2020)

Yes! Move and either sell or rent the house. 
Make a new life for yourself.


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## bowmore (Jul 31, 2020)

Keesha said:


> Yes! Move and either sell or rent the house.
> Make a new life for yourself.


Absolutely! There are so many bad memories there. Here is one of my favorite quotes:
There comes a time in your life, when you* walk away from all the drama and people who create it.* You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living


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## Warrigal (Jul 31, 2020)

This sounds like one of those times where you should rule a line vertically down the centre of a blank sheet of paper and at the top of one column you write the word STAY and atop the the other write GO. Then start listing every reason, no matter how trivial, for each course of action.

Your head and your heart will soon show you what you should do. Then trust your head and your heart and proceed with resolution.


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## Kayelle (Jul 31, 2020)

First, my condolences for the loss of your husband, but there's no earthly reason you would want to stay there.
 I sure wouldn't stay, in fact I'd never want to see the place again and have a property management firm take care of everything for you. It would be more than worth it for the piece of mind.
Find a home that speaks to you, and be happy.


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## Gaer (Jul 31, 2020)

yes, i agree you should look into moving but please don't do anything out of panic or while you are still grieving.  Maybe take some trips and slowly decide on a place that resonates with your vibration and where you feel the most peacefulness.  
As soon as my husband died, the first question everyone had was "Are you moving?"  "Where are you moving?"
I considered it.  but finally decided against it.  
You're getting some wonderful advise in this thread.  All I'm saying is take your time.  When it's right, you won't have to ask anyone.  You will know.


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## asp3 (Jul 31, 2020)

I'm sorry for your loss.

I'd recommend talking to a financial advisor and discuss the financial pluses and minuses of keeping to rent vs selling.  Then determine if renting would be worth the benefits because you would still be tied to the property even if it is distant ownership.  You might find it better to sell and use the money some other way or find another rental property.


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## bowmore (Jul 31, 2020)

asp3 said:


> I'm sorry for your loss.
> 
> I'd recommend talking to a financial advisor and discuss the financial pluses and minuses of keeping to rent vs selling.  Then determine if renting would be worth the benefits because you would still be tied to the property even if it is distant ownership.  You might find it better to sell and use the money some other way or find another rental property.


I think that is good advice. It may be best to sever all links the the bad feelings and discord surrounding the area. I have also seen on a grief recovery website of advice not to do anything drastic for a year, unless circumstances force it. In your case, I would sell, and move to where you will be happy.


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## Phoenix (Jul 31, 2020)

The general advice is to wait a year after the death of your spouse/partner to make major decisions.  It does sound like moving is the right choice, but if you do this slowly you are more likely to handle it more wisely.  I'd start looking into options now, but not make the move until it's been a year.


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## Camper6 (Jul 31, 2020)

Barneyhill said:


> My husband died Christmas day 2019. I got past that day and I am slowly learning how to make it on my own.There is one thing left now I want to move out of the home I shared with him for 36 years. To tell you the truth I wanted to move from here 30 years ago but my husband refused to give to go. We moved to this home a year after we were married in 1984. We moved here because his brother and his family lived across the alley from our home.
> 
> That was mistake in time My husband and his brother were extremely close they had been this way since their childhood. But in 1986 they purchased an county auction home next door to our home. Neither one of them informed their wives what they were about to do before purchasing this real estate property. They put their heads together and left their wives out of their dreams and plans. Well they brought the house and one week later they had a fight about who should be the sole owner. These two men stopped speaking to each other for 14 years. Sometimes things would get pretty heated between them
> 
> ...


Move.  Get out of jail.  Do not collect $200.


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## SeaBreeze (Jul 31, 2020)

@Barneyhill , my condolneces for the loss of your husband.  Only you know if you can make the move financially and be okay in a new area.  If it were me, I wouldn't even want to use the house as a rental, I would want to sell it and be done with it and all that surrounds it.  Renting it out will still tie you to the house, and I don't think that's a good idea.

Whatever you decide, think it over carefully first from all angles....and like already suggested, take your time to be clear and sure about everything.  Wishing you a bright and peaceful future, do what is best for you.


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## Luv2Cycle (Jul 31, 2020)

Barneyhill said:


> My husband died Christmas day 2019. I got past that day and I am slowly learning how to make it on my own.There is one thing left now I want to move out of the home I shared with him for 36 years. To tell you the truth I wanted to move from here 30 years ago but my husband refused to give to go. We moved to this home a year after we were married in 1984. We moved here because his brother and his family lived across the alley from our home.
> 
> That was mistake in time My husband and his brother were extremely close they had been this way since their childhood. But in 1986 they purchased an county auction home next door to our home. Neither one of them informed their wives what they were about to do before purchasing this real estate property. They put their heads together and left their wives out of their dreams and plans. Well they brought the house and one week later they had a fight about who should be the sole owner. These two men stopped speaking to each other for 14 years. Sometimes things would get pretty heated between them
> 
> ...


No doubt, I'd move too.


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## jujube (Jul 31, 2020)

My vote is for moving. You have wanted to move for 30 years...….now is your chance.

Do you have family or good friends anywhere else?


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## peramangkelder (Jul 31, 2020)

@Barneyhill I was sad to read your post but you did say 'I am anxious to leave' and there is nothing stopping you now is there?
Rent the 'bad memories' house and move somewhere you would like to live and make a whole new life for yourself
Maybe you can spend Christmas Day 2020 in a new to you home?
As I often say to myself 'It gets easier and easier to do nothing' don't you think?


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## fmdog44 (Jul 31, 2020)

"Life is short" applies even more at our age.  YOU do what makes YOU happy! To hell with everyone else.


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## Aunt Bea (Aug 1, 2020)

Renting the house will tie you to the past and the bad memories that you have for it.

I would sell the house and invest the money in a new life.

Good luck!


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## Lewkat (Aug 1, 2020)

I agree with Warrigal and Asp.  Renting could cause more headaches than you bargained for.


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## Barneyhill (Aug 1, 2020)

bowmore said:


> Absolutely! There are so many bad memories there. Here is one of my favorite quotes:
> There comes a time in your life, when you* walk away from all the drama and people who create it.* You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living


THank you Thank you


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## Barneyhill (Aug 1, 2020)

jujube said:


> My vote is for moving. You have wanted to move for 30 years...….now is your chance.
> 
> Do you have family or good friends anywhere else?


Well luckily my daughter's part time sideline is real estate she received her license about 3 years ago. She is helping me search. This time it will  be my call on how I choose to live. After 36 years of bad family drama and living in a very disruptive urban  neighborhood, I want 100% peace so I am searching for a near rural setting with lots of land and privacy around me. Peaceful surroundings is at the top of my list.
 Then only then will I achieve the happiness I have been searching for over decades.
 I want to live somewhere where I can lay out at night and look up at the heavens and thank God all night for watching over me and bringing me through a dark  and tumultuous period in my life. 

I want peace quiet and beauty all around me in my golden years.


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## macgeek (Aug 1, 2020)

being a landlord is not easy, especially if you move far from the property. most renters could care less about the property they rent and often will destroy things (which cost you money to fix).  then theirs all the problems created if you get renters that don't pay.. moving sounds like a good idea, maybe sell the home and live in senior housing by renting an apartment so you don't have to deal with home maintenance issues and costs?

Or, buy a small house/condo and pay cash for it so you have no house payments? renting the house still keeps you there as someone else said. Even a paid for home/condo costs money to upkeep.... I like the idea of senior living apartments in my golden years... someone else handles the repairs.


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## ronk (Aug 6, 2020)

For gosh sake, you deserve to finally be free of that house. Sell the house, take the money and make yourself happy. Renting can be hard.


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## Morningglory (Sep 20, 2020)

Barneyhill said:


> My husband died Christmas day 2019. I got past that day and I am slowly learning how to make it on my own.There is one thing left now I want to move out of the home I shared with him for 36 years. To tell you the truth I wanted to move from here 30 years ago but my husband refused to give to go. We moved to this home a year after we were married in 1984. We moved here because his brother and his family lived across the alley from our home.
> 
> That was mistake in time My husband and his brother were extremely close they had been this way since their childhood. But in 1986 they purchased an county auction home next door to our home. Neither one of them informed their wives what they were about to do before purchasing this real estate property. They put their heads together and left their wives out of their dreams and plans. Well they brought the house and one week later they had a fight about who should be the sole owner. These two men stopped speaking to each other for 14 years. Sometimes things would get pretty heated between them
> 
> ...


Hello, yes I woud move BUT unless you have a reliable handyman to keep up home repairs I wouldn't rent, been there done that! Too hard to find anyone to help.Good Luck


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## Morningglory (Sep 20, 2020)

Yes move! But unless you have a reliable handyman to keep up ho e repairs I wouldn't rent, been there done that!


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## RadishRose (Sep 20, 2020)

Never in a million years would I ever be a landlady! Don't do it. 

Move if you want but sell the house. It's not just upkeep, it's tenants who cause to most trouble. Pets, kids, drugs, trouble, slobs, non payment of rent, junk vehicles. Don't risk it.

Best of luck.


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## fmdog44 (Oct 4, 2020)

Try this on: "Live a little."


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## 911 (Oct 4, 2020)

This is an old thread, but it brought back a memory that I would like to share. Another Trooper retired on the same day as myself. The Barracks had a retirement party for the both of us, unexpectedly. I asked the other Trooper if he had any plans for retirement. He was only 51 y/o. He said that he wanted to move to somewhere on the coast of South Carolina and play golf and fish for at least 10 years before coming back home.

A few months later, I gave him a call just to find out when he was moving. He told me that his wife changed her mind and didn’t want to move because the daughter was expecting grandchild #1. I just said, “Oh, that’s nice.” He wasn’t happy. He stated to me that he waited for years and planned together with his wife to make this move after he had retired and now she has backed out. They had even bought land down there to build their retirement home.

Long story short, he’s living in S. Carolina and she’s living in PA. This has been going on now for 7 years. They do take turns traveling back and forth. I don’t understand this type of relationship and I don’t ask.


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## Jules (Oct 4, 2020)

911 said:


> I don’t understand this type of relationship and I don’t ask


I think it’s called ‘compromise’.  

I’ve heard two similar stories where the plans are changed by one of them.  It seems like compromise might be the better solution than the way their final years were spent.


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## needshave (Oct 5, 2020)

I would certainly suggest you move, without reservation. There is too much of the past there.

AS far as the property is concerned, I would not rent, But sell. In today's world, many of our elected officials have implemented and have proposed free rent and have established a moratorium on evictions due to unemployment, Covid and general philosophy. It's not a wining situation for you simply because no rent is worth the stress or screening renters, maintaining property, insurance and then trying to get rent money. In my opinion and its only my opinion, you don't need this.


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## Wren (Oct 5, 2020)

Some great advice here, Barneyhill, personally I  would just sell the place, it’s caused you enough heartache, sell it and don’t look back...

Wishing you, peace of mind and happiness


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## Tish (Oct 5, 2020)

Yes!! Move as fast as you can. 
However, I would caution you against renting the place out.
Sell and enjoy your freedom from drama.


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## Phoenix (Dec 24, 2020)

What did you decide to do, @Barneyhill?  It's been a year now.


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## Judycat (Dec 24, 2020)

Yes get out of there far away from his family. You deserve some peace and quiet.


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## Kathleen’s Place (Jan 1, 2021)

Barneyhill, so very sorry about the loss of your husband. Seeing as this is something you have wanted for 30 some years, I would definitely go for it. But take your time...find the place that sings your name. I don’t know what to suggest about renting your current place, or selling it. But I have every confidence you will know the right thing to do when the time comes for that decision. Please keep in touch and let us know when you fond your dream home.


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