# Thoughts.



## Falcon (Jun 25, 2014)

I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out. 



I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now. 



You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she's probably angry. 



Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers. 



You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body. 



I don't like making plans for the day because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom. 



I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim.  I feel so much better saying I went to the jim this morning


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## Meanderer (Jun 26, 2014)

Very funny Falcon!


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## Mollie (Jun 26, 2014)

Very funny indeed!.


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## Meanderer (Jun 26, 2014)

More Humorous Thoughts 



Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? 

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? 

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? 

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing? 

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots? 

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? 

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? 

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? 

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?


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## Falcon (Jun 26, 2014)

All good questions  Meanderer.  Most are enigmas.


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## Meanderer (Jun 26, 2014)

Righto, but an enigma broke the code, which made it an irony.


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## taffboy (Jun 26, 2014)

Falcon said:


> I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


   Love it.


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## SeaBreeze (Jun 26, 2014)

Here are some old ones...

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed by stupidity, here are some actual label instructions found on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special.)

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.

On a Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion.)

On Tesco's tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom of box): Do not turn upside-down.

On Marks & Spencer bread pudding: Product will be hot after heating.

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.

On Boot's children's cough medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness.

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."

On an American Airlines packet of peanuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."


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## Meanderer (Jun 26, 2014)

Leave it to chuck.


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## Meanderer (Jun 26, 2014)

SMILE AWHILE! 


_If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose? 

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan? 

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen? 

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? 

You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"? 

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? 

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? 

Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards? 

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? 

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance? _


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