# The Ability To Stop Taking Things Personally And Move On With Life



## FastTrax (Jul 5, 2021)

www.psychcentral.com/blog/what-it-means-to-not-take-things-personally#1

www.healthcentral.com/article/hypersensitivity-and-how-not-to-take-things-personally

www.jordanharbinger.com/why-you-take-things-personally-and-how-to-stop/

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/201408/how-stop-taking-things-personally

www.thrivinginadmin.com/blogs/taking-things-personally

www.wikihow.com/Stop-Taking-Things-Personally

www.thefouragreements.com

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Four_Agreements


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## Lewkat (Jul 5, 2021)

Well, you can be certain that there are those moments when I want someone to take something personal.  Yessireeee.


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## hollydolly (Jul 5, 2021)

Lewkat said:


> Well, you can be certain that there are those moments when I want someone to take something personal.  Yessireeee.


Fer sure....


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## Pepper (Jul 5, 2021)

Don't take anything personally--#1 of the Four Agreements


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## Jennina (Jul 5, 2021)

Hanlon's Razor

Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity


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## WhatInThe (Jul 6, 2021)

Most don't take things personally can move on but there are those that get hung on a word, issue or action that they interpret or take as personal.

 Not that it was but they chose to make it an issue. Some just want to win the argument. This sounds selfish to begin with it's all about them. Then those same people try to put words in your mouth trying to reinforce their narrative for an apology. I had someone get upset then I apologized if I upset them but that was not the intent-BOOM! But this person thinks most are out to get them personally, they've accussed hospital & apartment staff, police, mechanics, security guards ie some paranoia to say the least.


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## Paco Dennis (Jul 6, 2021)

Lewkat said:


> Well, you can be certain that there are those moments when I want someone to take something personal.  Yessireeee.


What would those moments be?


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## Paco Dennis (Jul 6, 2021)

It seems all of the human species, just like all different kinds of flowers, have complex conditioning. The difference is we developed a brain that recalls memories and believes that manipulating nature brings us progress. Flowers have a "holistic" playing field. Our species drifts to the most wealthy and powerful controling how our natural resources are apportioned ( drastic inequality ). I haven't seen Flowers wage war on each other. I don't think that this truth is a personal phenomena, and if we really care about the future of our species and our planet it behooves us to try to save both. Nothing personal.


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## Keesha (Jul 6, 2021)

Pepper said:


> Don't take anything personally--#1 of the Four Agreements


Great book. One of my greatest lessons to learn. I take things far too personally.


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## Paco Dennis (Jul 6, 2021)

WhatInThe said:


> Most don't take things personally can move on but there are those that get hung on a word, issue or action that they interpret or take as personal.
> 
> Not that it was but they chose to make it an issue. Some just want to win the argument. This sounds selfish to begin with it's all about them. Then those same people try to put words in your mouth trying to reinforce their narrative for an apology. I had someone get upset then I apologized if I upset them but that was not the intent-BOOM! But this person thinks most are out to get them personally, they've accussed hospital & apartment staff, police, mechanics, security guards ie some paranoia to say the least.


  This person you describe might not be as "paranoid" as you imagine. Consider what we know about how terrible all of the things you mentioned have treated those they have control over.


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## Paco Dennis (Jul 6, 2021)

The SF is intended to be like a safe haven from the storms of life. We can mention the storms, but we do not want them affecting our retreat from being caught up in their riptide. I get that, and think it is GREAT idea that has taken form. I do think it is our responsibility to try to understand the our culture and find ways to make it less competitive and more cooperative. I think there needs to be room in our "paradise" to have dialog that helps us understand our society and then pass on to others...younger folk, our wisdom having gleaned the complexities and having realized fighting just begets more fighting, and that sharing our feelings and cooperating with each other builds a healthy society.


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## Gary O' (Jul 6, 2021)

Lewkat said:


> Well, you can be certain that there are those moments when I want someone to take something personal. Yessireeee.


We prolly wouldn't get along all that well

Folks gotta club me up side the head with a baseball bat to get my attention

and even then, things don't readily sink in

The density of my frontal lobe is much like my wooden twin's


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## Pepper (Jul 6, 2021)

Keesha said:


> Great book. One of my greatest lessons to learn. I take things far too personally.


It's hard to think you are not responsible for the acts of others and lay blame on yourself instead.  But when we do, we're telling ourselves a lie, and a lie which harms only you.  It's hard to think we can't control situations.  It's hard to give up the need to control.  It's hard; it's worth it.


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## WhatInThe (Jul 6, 2021)

Paco Dennis said:


> This person you describe might not be as "paranoid" as you imagine. Consider what we know about how terrible all of the things you mentioned have treated those they have control over.


That is true of many ie were victims but knowing the individual for decades they  always portray themselves as the victim, can do no wrong. And they worry about non issues all the time. They will dwell , ponder or obsess on the smallest thing.

 They almost got evicted for hoarding and claimed the government was out to get them(having helped cleaned up the mess and knowing the person/home they were/are a hoarder). The list of gigs was true yet she says they were made up to get them out.


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## DaveA (Jul 7, 2021)

Paco Dennis said:


> The SF is intended to be like a safe haven from the storms of life. We can mention the storms, but we do not want them affecting our retreat from being caught up in their riptide. I get that, and think it is GREAT idea that has taken form. I do think it is our responsibility to try to understand the our culture and find ways to make it less competitive and more cooperative. I think there needs to be room in our "paradise" to have dialog that helps us understand our society and then pass on to others...younger folk, our wisdom having gleaned the complexities and having realized fighting just begets more fighting, and that sharing our feelings and cooperating with each other builds a healthy society.
> 
> View attachment 172499


Like the photo, Paco.


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## mellowyellow (Jul 7, 2021)

It’s hard to ignore when someone sets out to be deliberately rude while pretending it wasn’t intentional.


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## Murrmurr (Jul 7, 2021)

mellowyellow said:


> It’s hard to ignore when someone sets out to be deliberately rude while pretending it wasn’t intentional.


It's actually very easy, Mellow. You laugh. Laugh like you just heard the best, most hilarious one-liner you ever heard. That's how I completely cured myself of taking-it-personalitis.


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## oldman (Jul 9, 2021)

There was a time in my life that I umpired D-II and III college baseball and officiated D-I college basketball. Any sports official will tell you that we get called a lot of different names. I learned early out that those names were not directed at me, but the uniform. Over the years, I have heard some doozies. My favorite line was during a basketball game between Georgetown and Villanova when a young man sitting court-side yelled, “I seen better officials at Footlocker.”


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## Aneeda72 (Jul 9, 2021)

mellowyellow said:


> It’s hard to ignore when someone sets out to be deliberately rude while pretending it wasn’t intentional.


I see you know my husband


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## fuzzybuddy (Jul 10, 2021)

mellowyellow said:


> It’s hard to ignore when someone sets out to be deliberately rude while pretending it wasn’t intentional.


If someone deliberately shoots you, and kills you, it's hard for me not to take that personally.  Yes, you can't be hauling around a huge list of slights,  and perceived emotional wrongs. I'm not sure about "taking nothing personally". If someone deliberately does something to harm you, it is personal. (Again, I am not talking about the "cashier didn't smile at me" sort of slight). It is the fault of the aggressor, and not the target. As the target, we choose to not take it personally, as the severity of the act dictates.  We all do,  and say stupid, uncaring, insensitive things. Those we can not take personally. But abuse and intentional harm are personal.


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## HoneyNut (Jul 10, 2021)

fuzzybuddy said:


> I'm not sure about "taking nothing personally". If someone deliberately does something to harm you, it is personal. ... But abuse and intentional harm are personal.



Not sure, but I think "taking personally" is about the emotional reaction and doesn't mean being passive.  For example, if dealing with a young child being oppositional, two parents may give the same time-out, but one might take it personally and be all offended and emotionally upset about the child's opposition, while another parent might not let the child's opposition upset their emotions but just objectively (detachedly?) recognize it as typical child behavior even if the child is expressing it as if it was personally the parent's fault.


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## fuzzybuddy (Jul 10, 2021)

HoneyNut said:


> Not sure, but I think "taking personally" is about the emotional reaction and doesn't mean being passive.  For example, if dealing with a young child being oppositional, two parents may give the same time-out, but one might take it personally and be all offended and emotionally upset about the child's opposition, while another parent might not let the child's opposition upset their emotions but just objectively (detachedly?) recognize it as typical child behavior even if the child is expressing it as if it was personally the parent's .


I think the operative word is "perceived". Intentions can be perceived differently by others. And how you internalize those perceptions can have great  effects on emotional health. "Not taking things personally" is a coping skill. My point is there are others, who intentionally want to do us harm, and it's prudent to recognize that.


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