# Did Anyone Else Not Know Grandparents?



## Remy (May 28, 2022)

Deb's post made me think of this.

 I didn't. My mother was an immigrant. The only grandparent figure I ever knew was my stepfather's mother. She was nice to me and my memory was that his whole side of the family was. My mother wouldn't have that.

I remember when my stepfather got the call that his mother has passed away suddenly. She was 89 and lived independent next to her daughter and son in law. When my stepfather hung up the phone and stated what had happened, all my mother did was berate him about all the things she didn't like about the woman. It was awful. I was about 13 and still vividly remember it. 

Being that my mother was a borderline personality disorder, this is pretty typical.


----------



## Serenity4321 (May 28, 2022)

I never knew any of my grandparents. They were all Lithuanian and my parents were immigrants. After Lithuania gained Independence I visited and was able to see my grandparents' graves...


----------



## Pepper (May 28, 2022)

I didn't have grandfathers.  Before the 1952 election, I went to the 9 inch TV to kiss Dwight Eisenhower and call him 'grandpa'.  My father immediately turned off the TV and said "He's not your Grandpa and in this house we're democrats and we want Adlai Stevenson."

I found out years later I did in fact have a grandpa, but my grandma & mother hated him.  He lived in a Salvation Army home.  I would have liked to have met him.  I think.  His name was Willie the Bum.


----------



## Judycat (May 28, 2022)

I didn't know my grandparents either.  They were immigrants, but all died before I was born.


----------



## Lee (May 28, 2022)

I only knew my one grandmother, she pretty well raised me at great sacrifice to herself. RIP Baba


----------



## hollydolly (May 28, 2022)

I knew my paternal granparents well. They were divorced before I was born and lived in separate parts of the city.. but we visited them every week... and my gran came to us every Wednesday...

I knew my maternal grandmother, she was a witch... my maternal grandfather, who I never remember meeting , but I must have because I was around 10 years old when he passed.. was an evil sonofabitch... who between the two, put their daughters into orphanages as toddlers, where they were routinely beaten by nuns.. and kept the sons, and beat them horribly and in the most cruel ways....you would be shocked if I told you..

My paternal grandfather was kindly enough, he didn't really interact with us kids, but he accepted us, and  was always pleasant but he was an alcoholic, so my mother hated being around him,, but  it was my Paternal grandmother who altho' far from rosy cheeked was the one who interacted with us the most, and sent us Birthday and Christmas gifts.. and would take us kids for days out to the seaside..or to the theatre ,,

I also knew my Paternal Great grandfather, my granny's father... he got run over by a bus on his daily walk to the pub for his one shot of whisky.. he was 96...


----------



## Llynn (May 28, 2022)

I only knew my maternal grandparents. They were wonderful people and I spent a lot of time with them over the years.   My old man disappeared right after my birth so I never knew his parents.


----------



## Pinky (May 28, 2022)

I met my father's step-father a couple of times. I believe I heard that he was a drinker. My paternal grandmother died before I was born. My maternal grandparents lived in Japan. I used to write to my grandpa, who was a teacher. His English was very good. I became very fond of him through our letters.


----------



## hawkdon (May 28, 2022)

Knew my maternal grandparents, down in W.VA. but
my Paternal grandfather was dead, and only saw paternal
grandmother every few years.


----------



## Jules (May 28, 2022)

My maternal grandmother helped raise me for the first few years.  My grandfather died about the same time.  My father was gone so I never really knew his family.  I was told his mother made some effort, though I only have one very vague memory of being at her place.


----------



## Gary O' (May 28, 2022)

I knew mine, big time

They raised me


----------



## carouselsilver (May 28, 2022)

I never knew either my maternal or paternal grandfathers. My maternal grandmother and my paternal grandmother couldn't stand each other. After she passed, I learned that my paternal grandmother gave birth to my father when she was only sixteen, and the father of the child deserted her. My mother grew up in various foster homes and never knew who her father was.


----------



## Don M. (May 28, 2022)

My Dad's mother, and my Mom's father both passed away when I was very young, so I have little or no memories of them.


----------



## mrstime (May 28, 2022)

I was raised by my paternal grandparents, still miss my grandmother every day. My mother was born at the end of 
world war 1 in Paris. Her father died of war wounds before she was born. Her mother died of the pandemic when my mother was 6 months old. Hers was a very different story. Her adoptive father was in the army and apparently married her mother so her birth certificate probably listed him as her father, so he took her home to the US where he and his spinster sister spoiled her rotton!


----------



## Nathan (May 28, 2022)

I knew my Dad's parents and my Mom's mother, never saw maternal grandad in person or even a photo, until I went to visit my aunt and uncle in SC in 1999.   My aunt caught me up on family history, my other uncle told me that 2 of the brothers planed to kill dear old GD, didn't say why.
I'm guessing he was abusive, ended up becoming a hermit after my grandmother left him.   At the cemetery outside of Cherryville where he and many ancestors were buried, someone stole GD's headstone...he evidently wasn't well liked or respected by some family members.


----------



## Lewkat (May 28, 2022)

My paternal grandmother died when my dad was a young man, but I knew my paternal grandfather and maternal grandparents.


----------



## Lewkat (May 28, 2022)

I also knew my maternal great grandparents on her father's side, and my maternal great grandmother on her mother's side.


----------



## Buckeye (May 28, 2022)

My paternal grandfather died when I was 13/14.  My maternal grandfather died when I was 21.  Both grandmothers lived into their 90s.  So I had the pleasure of knowing and loving them all

One of my favorite pictures was taken in about 1992.  My grandson's first Christmas, with his dad (my son), me, my mother and her mother.  5 generations.


----------



## helenbacque (May 28, 2022)

I knew and had a great relationship with all four of mine.  Maternal grandfather died when I was 13.  I was married and had children before the remaining 3 died.


----------



## Alligatorob (May 28, 2022)

I knew all four of them, nice people good family.  I was lucky.

My maternal grandmother died when I was about 10, so didn't get to know her as well as I would have liked.  The other three lived until I was in my 30s, nice to have had them around that long.  I miss them all.


----------



## dobielvr (May 28, 2022)

I knew my father's mother....she was old.  She would wonder away from home, and they would call my dad to come and get her.
I didn't spend much time w/her.  She only spoke Armenian.  I was just a child when she passed.

I spent more time w/my mother's mother.  She had long gray hair, that she would braid in to a bun.  Always had an apron on.
She passed when I was in 6th grade.

Her husband, my grandfather was notorious for having the paddy wagon come to their home after a night of drinking and doing what ever else they were doing.


----------



## jujube (May 28, 2022)

I was very close to all four of my grandparents.  I knew two of my great-grandmothers and one of my greatgrandfathers.


----------



## Vida May (May 28, 2022)

Remy said:


> Deb's post made me think of this.
> 
> I didn't. My mother was an immigrant. The only grandparent figure I ever knew was my stepfather's mother. She was nice to me and my memory was that his whole side of the family was. My mother wouldn't have that.
> 
> ...



My grandmother was very important to me and my sister.  She was a first through third-grade teacher and if she had not visited us in the summer I might not have learned to read and write.  I was not learning in school because they were not teaching phonics at that time and my ability to read depended on learning phonics.  

She not only helped me learn to read and write, but she also made me believe I was a good writer, and writing has been important to me ever since.  She also played learning games with me like Flinch and Scrabble.  I didn't know these were learning games and just enjoyed playing games with her.  

When she retired she moved closer to us and had more time to do interesting things with me.  Her values became my values and while she believed she was defending democracy in the classroom, my sense of purpose is telling everyone how important our past education is to our democracy, and that education for technology without education for democracy is a serious threat to our democracy.  She really gave me a sense of purpose in life.  To save our democracy as it came from Athens as a love of knowledge that is also a pursuit of happiness and a path to a higher human potential.   Yeah, that is my passion.  Thanks, Grandma.


----------



## Vida May (May 28, 2022)

jujube said:


> I was very close to all four of my grandparents.  I knew two of my great-grandmothers and one of my greatgrandfathers.


 I think you are very lucky to have so many grandparents and great grandparents in your life.


----------



## Vida May (May 28, 2022)

Nathan said:


> I knew my Dad's parents and my Mom's mother, never saw maternal grandad in person or even a photo, until I went to visit my aunt and uncle in SC in 1999.   My aunt caught me up on family history, my other uncle told me that 2 of the brothers planed to kill dear old GD, didn't say why.
> I'm guessing he was abusive, ended up becoming a hermit after my grandmother left him.   At the cemetery outside of Cherryville where he and many ancestors were buried, someone stole GD's headstone...he evidently wasn't well liked or respected by some family members.



What time period would that be when your maternal grandad became disliked?  I think history has a lot to do with why people are as they are.


----------



## JonSR77 (May 28, 2022)

My father's father passed before I was born.  My mother's father passed when I was two.

but I did know both my grandmothers and they were both wonderful people, full of love.

And, both were amazing cooks.

My father's mother would visit her sister in Zurich. And she would bring us back Lindt chocolate.


----------



## Fyrefox (May 29, 2022)

I never knew my paternal grandmother nor my maternal grandfather, both having passed away before I was born.  I only saw my maternal grandmother a handful of times due to living hundreds of miles away; she died when I was just ten.  My paternal grandfather was dutifully visited by my father at least once a month, and I often went along for the two hour or so ride there.  He lived until I was in college…


----------



## Furryanimal (May 29, 2022)

Knew three of them.
one grandad died when I was a few months old.


----------



## hollydolly (May 29, 2022)

Just to add to my earlier post...I was 18 when my grandfather died... he died on the 6th of September a Thursday... the following Thursday, the 13th my mother died suddenly ...age just 39..It was a devastating time ..

I was 27 when my grandmother died.. she'd lived long enough to see my child...but sadly dementia had started setting in.


----------



## Nathan (May 29, 2022)

Vida May said:


> What time period would that be when your maternal grandad became disliked?  I think history has a lot to do with why people are as they are.


1930s-1940s.  He was an attorney, a businessman and later a judge("the judge").   I think maybe his behavior had a lot to do with his being disliked.    In a different conversation with my uncle, he pointed out that "back then" after a woman was finished having children, that meant also finished having sex.   However, many men weren't _finished_, and would either drink heavily, and subsequently become angry and abusive, or have mistresses or visit prostitutes.


----------



## Geezer Garage (May 29, 2022)

Didn't get to know my mothers father, who apparently wasn't around much. I was told by my uncle, that he had a lot of gambling debts, and just disappeared. My moms mom Isabelle was a party girl to the end. My dad always called her Dizzy Is, and I always liked her. Grew up spending a lot of time with  my dads parents. My grandmother Olive was an angel, and my grandpa Joe told great stories, but took no guff from anyone. Was very easy to "get one up along side of your head" if you misbehaved. He had been a bare fist boxer when he was younger, as well as legitimate boxing.


----------



## Remy (May 29, 2022)

Pepper said:


> I didn't have grandfathers.  Before the 1952 election, I went to the 9 inch TV to kiss Dwight Eisenhower and call him 'grandpa'.  My father immediately turned off the TV and said "He's not your Grandpa and in this house we're democrats and we want Adlai Stevenson."
> 
> I found out years later I did in fact have a grandpa, but my grandma & mother hated him.  He lived in a Salvation Army home.  I would have liked to have met him.  I think.  His name was Willie the Bum.


Pepper, that is so sad. And I don't like hearing the reaction of your father. When I was young we had the project of writing a politician in class and we received a picture back. Which my mother promptly threw out since he wasn't the political party of her choice.


----------



## Remy (May 29, 2022)

@hollydolly I'm so sorry and sad to hear about your maternal grandfather and grandmother.


----------



## Remy (May 29, 2022)

Llynn said:


> I only knew my maternal grandparents. They were wonderful people and I spent a lot of time with them over the years.   My old man disappeared right after my birth so I never knew his parents.


Never met one person on the bio-dad's side of the family. They are really no one to me at this point in my life. Perhaps they could have been when I was younger.


----------



## Remy (May 29, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> Just to add to my earlier post...I was 18 when my grandfather died... he died on the 6th of September a Thursday... the following Thursday, the 13th my mother died suddenly ...age just 39..It was a devastating time ..
> 
> I was 27 when my grandmother died.. she'd lived long enough to see my child...but sadly dementia had started setting in.


Oh my word hollydolly, if you ever mentioned the young passing of your mother previously, I don't remember. That is absolutely devastating.


----------



## Pepper (May 30, 2022)

Remy said:


> Pepper, that is so sad. And I don't like hearing the reaction of your father. When I was young we had the project of writing a politician in class and we received a picture back. Which my mother promptly threw out since he wasn't the political party of her choice.


Actually, I love the reaction of my father!  He was a very funny man, and you had to be there!  My poor writing skills tells the event poorly!


----------



## katlupe (May 30, 2022)

I knew my maternal grandmother very well. I was close to her from the time I was born. My mother almost died when she had me so my grandmother helped her when we came home. Then my brother had polio when he was 3 and I was still an infant. My grandmother took care of me while my mother spent the whole day at the hospital with my brother. To bond us even closer, I was born the day after her birthday so she always told me I was her birthday present. She was separated from my grandfather (she was Catholic so would not consider a divorce) so I never knew him. I saw him once on the street when he came up to my mother and me. She would not let him talk to me. I remember that.

My paternal grandmother died of Leukemia before I was born. She was only 62, My paternal grandfather lived at my aunt's house so I would see him when I went there. He did not speak any English even though he and my grandmother had immigrated here from Poland before my father was born. He would watch me and then try to talk to me and my cousin had to translate what he said. He was not the type of grandfather I could hug or anything like that. Later on my father told me that neither of his parents showed affection. Yet they said and did things that showed they loved him.

Working on my family tree has given me the opportunity to know my maternal grandfather and his family a little bit. I have pieced together his life and get so excited when I see his actual signature on some form or see his physical description in various military forms. Unfortunately my polish grandparents remain a mystery to me.


----------



## Vida May (May 30, 2022)

Nathan said:


> 1930s-1940s.  He was an attorney, a businessman and later a judge("the judge").   I think maybe his behavior had a lot to do with his being disliked.    In a different conversation with my uncle, he pointed out that "back then" after a woman was finished having children, that meant also finished having sex.   However, many men weren't _finished_, and would either drink heavily, and subsequently become angry and abusive, or have mistresses or visit prostitutes.


 That is sad.  I like to think family is about so much more than filling ****** needs.   We need a better idea of what marriage is all about and more romance novels for older people.  

There are some really good movies about love in our later years.  And I think grandparents are very important to children.


----------



## Vida May (May 30, 2022)

JonSR77 said:


> My father's father passed before I was born.  My mother's father passed when I was two.
> 
> but I did know both my grandmothers and they were both wonderful people, full of love.
> 
> ...


I wish everyone could say they knew loving grandparents.


----------



## Remy (May 30, 2022)

Vida May said:


> I wish everyone could say they knew loving grandparents.


Me too!


----------



## Remy (May 30, 2022)

@katlupe Your maternal grandmother sounds like such a lovely and kind woman.


----------



## fuzzybuddy (May 30, 2022)

I knew my maternal grandparents. Both were characters. My grandfather wasn't too legal at times. My grandmother lost both legs to diabetes, but still had a half-acre garden she tended from a wheelchair. But my dad's parents are unknown. He was an orphan. How that came to be I don't have any idea. When you're born into a situation, you accept it, and you don't ask questions, until there's no one to give you answers.


----------



## Sassycakes (May 30, 2022)

I was lucky enough to know both my Maternal and Paternal grandparents. Sadly my Maternal Grandmother passed away when I was about 8yrs old and my Maternal Grandfather got lost in 1966 and his body was found a month later. He was in his 90's,
My paternal grandparents didn't care for my Mom, me my sister, and brother, But I was lucky enough to know my Dad's Grandmother and she was Precious,


----------



## Purwell (May 30, 2022)

All four died before I was born.
My mother was 45 when I was born and my father 48.


----------



## hollydolly (May 30, 2022)

Remy said:


> Oh my word hollydolly, if you ever mentioned the young passing of your mother previously, I don't remember. That is absolutely devastating.


I have mentioned it a couple of times over the years Remy... it really was the worst of times... so thank you for your compassion for me..


----------



## hollydolly (May 30, 2022)

Purwell said:


> All four died before I was born.
> My mother was 45 when I was born and my father 48.


that was deemed to be old way back in the day wasn't it ?


----------



## Kika (May 30, 2022)

I knew my paternal grandmother & grandfather. Neither one spoke English, but hugs translate into any language. 
 My paternal grandmother showed her love with food, and grandfather by putting a bit of his homemade wine into my cream soda.  Paternal grandfather eventually suffered from dementia (some say he had Parkinson's disease as well) and eventually had to go to a nursing home to keep him safe. He died when I was 9.

His death was traumatic for me because his casket was in the living room of another family member.  I avoided that living room after that.  My grandmother died when I was about 18.  

My maternal grandfather died before I was born, so I did not know him.  Only that he was a taxi driver, who left the family after 3 children were born.  My maternal grandmother had another child after that, but the father was a mystery.
There was a lot of alcoholism in that family, including my mother. My grandmother lived walking distance from us, but we rarely went there.  I would say maybe we saw her every year or two.  When we did go, I felt very uncomfortable.

I went to her funeral when I was in my late 20s, and really nothing had changed.
For that reason, I did not stay long.


----------



## Purwell (May 31, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> that was deemed to be old way back in the day wasn't it ?


Yes and my mother did have serious problems that I don't know the full details about.


----------



## Millyd (May 31, 2022)

I never heard grand- mother / father  mentioned ....never asked.
I was born 15 years after my only ( late ) sister, my mother was 45 y/o  father 52 when I turned up


----------



## C50 (May 31, 2022)

My dad was 59 when I was born and I never knew anyone from his side of the family, honestly his history or family was never discussed.  I did know my mom's mother and step father, though I never met her real father.

Funny but true story.   In elementary school we had some sort of assignment about family.  First the teacher told me I had to be wrong because my dad couldn't be older than my  grandparents.  Then she asked about my other set of grandparents.  I was totally confused, I had no idea people had more than one set of grandparents, I really didn't relate my grandparents to my mom or dad,  they were just grandma and grandpa.


----------



## Lethe200 (Jun 5, 2022)

Both my grandfathers died before I was born. Both my grandmothers spoke only their native language, no English; we couldn't talk with one another. Neither one lived nearby, so it was years before I heard any stories about my maternal ancestors. 

Lost touch with my paternal relatives so no idea what their history was.


----------

