# Senior Views on Spanking - Were You Spanked, Did You Spank Your Kids?



## SeaBreeze

My mother gave me a few spankings when I was young.  No beatings, scars or welts, just regular controlled short and effective spankings.  I loved my mother dearly, and have no resentment toward her for spanking me when needed.  I was pretty well behaved, so no spankings outside of the home, I was polite and well-mannered in public places.  My father never spanked me at all.

I'm absolutely against people spanking or hitting (or shaking) babies at all, there's no way that a child so young should receive any physical discipline.  Mothers that snap, and beat their kids uncontrollably in public or private, should be stopped...I do not condone that type of behavior.

Were you spanked as a child, and if so, how do you feel about it today?  Did you ever spank your kids?


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## Casper

_*I was pretty well behaved as a child.....can only remember one occasion when my dad chased me around the house, trying to give me a whack on the bum.....he never caught me. I was the apple of his eye so I don't think he was really trying. 
We gave our boys a quick slap on the bum when needed and it never did them any long term harm.
*_


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## SeaBreeze

My mother used a fly swatter on me a couple of times, but not very hard, and I don't think directly on my skin either.


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## Jillaroo

_I was smacked and i smacked my girls and we are all ok, won't be long and all parents rights will be taken from them_


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## SifuPhil

I only started getting spanked when I was 46, but that was *not* by my parents and is probably fodder for a totally different thread ... 

I don't recall being spanked as a child, whether because I was such a perfect little angel that never got into trouble or because I was such a perfect little criminal mastermind that never left any evidence. Either way, I don't recall so much as a tap on the bottom.

My* own* boys, yes, they received a few light whacks on the bottom when warranted, usually with a rolled-up newspaper or a well-controlled open hand. It was a case of few and far between though, never in public and always followed by the "_You know I love you, but..._" speech.


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## TICA

Wasn't spanked as a child and never spanked my children either.  Not that I wouldn't have if they pushed too far, but they never did.


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## seabreezy

I got spankings as a child, so did my younger brother. When my dad spanked us, we had to bend over the footstool and he would spank us with his belt. I HATED it!!! If we put our hand back there across out butt to protect it, he would warn us to move our hand or it would get hit.  I don't think they were very often, but there is a lot of my childhood that I simply don't remember, never have figured out why that is. 

When my own children were born, they did get spankings as toddlers, but nothing that harmed them or left marks of any kind. I didn't have a lot of problems with my kids, in fact we got compliments at times from "older" people in stores and  restaurants at how well behaved the kids were. Guess I was doing something right, lol. 

Honestly, I think kids these days NEED spanking sometimes!! Parents now are so tuned out to their kids, it's really sad. I've always believed that children WANT and for sure need guidance, and discipline(not necessarily physical). 

Tony, my husband, has told me stories of his father beating them with 2x4 boards, and molesting his two sisters. He must have been a terrible man and it had to truly be hell living in that house. The spankings I got from my own dad are nothing compared to that. When Tony had his own children, he was determined to NOT be like his father, and as far as I know, he succeeded. There is definitely a difference between a spanking and a beating!!


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## That Guy

A swat on the butt for little ones is an attention getter but hitting children is insane.


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## JustBonee

I don't like spanking kids.  I was never spanked as a kid  and never spanked any of my kids when they were little.  
Other forms of punishment worked better, like taking away privileges if they were bad.  
And anyone who shakes a crying baby is totally out of bounds.  That can be life endangering.


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## SeaBreeze

SifuPhil said:


> I only started getting spanked when I was 46, but that was *not* by my parents and is probably fodder for a totally different thread ...



Lol, I knew somebody would go there once I started to write this thread, figured either you or That Guy.  Hope they just used open hands, and no straps or wooden hangers. layful:


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## SifuPhil

SeaBreeze said:


> Lol, I knew somebody would go there once I started to write this thread, figured either you or That Guy.  Hope they just used open hands, and no straps or wooden hangers. layful:



Well, you dangle a worm in front of a fish you gotta' expect 'em to bite! 




... and for future reference it was a velvet flogger. :wink:


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## That Guy




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## seabreezy

Come on girls!!   I'm willing to admit my mind went there, LOL.  My mind visits the "gutter" sometimes, and i'm not ashamed to admit it :hee:
I can't help myself...I blame it on the many days and nights of bar hoppin' on the ole' Harley with my hubby...ohhh the places we've been and the things we've done! :angel::cheers1:


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## pchinvegas

Was I spanked as a child ? Yes and I'm better for it. Did I spank my kids ? yes, and their better for it. Did I enjoy spanking my kids ? Hell no your not suppose to enjoy it. But, i have to say I did enjoy getting spanked as an adult !


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## SifuPhil

pchinvegas said:


> ... But, i have to say I did enjoy getting spanked as an adult !



You could always choose to re-live your adulthood ...


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## babyboomer

Hm, a bit of discipline doesn't hurt. Personally, I always believed and practise  rewards on one side, or " silent treatment" on the other side.
 My wife believes, that a wooden spoon, and kids bottom are a "marriage from heaven". Not that she is sadistic, but it is nice for kids to know,
 that there are treats (cookie jar) , and there are tricks (wooden spoon) as well. That knowledge is keeping "The law and Order" without inforcemment! :applouse::applouse::applouse:


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## RedRibbons

I was hit with a belt many times by my father. It is wrong to hit Anyone. I am appalled that people still hit their kids. If an adult hits another adult it is a crime. I realize many people still believe it is just fine to "spank" their kids. It is still wrong to hit anyone. It is physical abuse. You can put your kids in time out, you don't have to physically abuse them.


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## Pappy

My thoughts on this.....


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## Jackie22

Yes, I did spank my children as did my parents, but I now believe it is wrong.


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## Anne

Pappy said:


> My thoughts on this.....



LOL; Pappy.  I never got spanked with a spoon, but remember this kindling stick....it wasn't often, only once or twice, but it didn't hurt me and I was being a brat, and asked for it.  
I don't condone hitting a child on the face or head, but a reminder on the butt is not abuse; imo.  There are times when taking thngs away, or time-out doesn't work.... as George Carlin once said, "Go to my room??  Hey, that's where all my 'stuff' is"!!!!


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## SifuPhil

Ozarkgal said:


> Never quite got the spanking thing or bondage as erotica. But then would never relinquish control to someone who was whacked enough to want to do it. Maybe if I looked that good in bondage clothes, I might consider being the spanker or bonder, but never the spankee or bondee. But that would only be so I could wear the clothes for an evening. I love leather and boots, but usually in the form of saddles and riding boots. Hmmm??nthego:



Well, not to get too weird here (I know, I know ... too late!) and I believe we've discussed pony play before, but there is also a sub-category of domination that utilizes riding clothes - the pants, boots, crop, etc. No pony play, just a style preference, as it were, for dealing with your sub.

It's probably a good thing that you never got into the scene, because it really takes a firm understanding of what your sub wants to make the experience a successful one.

... theoretically speaking, of course ... I never did any of that stuff either ...


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## Jillaroo

_I think Phils bottom would have been constantly sore well into his late teens, he was  such a naughty boy, still is._


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## SifuPhil

Jillaroo said:


> _I think Phils bottom would have been constantly sore well into his late teens, he was  such a naughty boy, still is._



Hey, I was a *model* child!

I appeared in _Naughty Lads Weekly_, _Bad Boyz_ and was the October '65 centerfold in _Havoc: The Magazine for Rotten Kids _!


Speaking of graduating, I still have my diploma - I went to night school. My thesis was titled "_Transitional Paddling: Stylistic and Paradigmatic Modifications from Parental to Recreational Spanking_".


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## Jillaroo

_Sounds like that reply from Phil was put in the wrong thread again, it should be in the LIES section_


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## Aunt Marg

Myself, along with my younger siblings were all spanked. My mom was old-school to the bone, and being the boss in the home, or as the old saying goes, _the one that wore the pants_, spanking was a tool of her trade and she used it freely. We weren't spanked for every little thing, but when she felt a good old-fashioned proper spanking was in order, we got it.

With my own children, I spanked as well, but my spankings were nothing compared to my moms, mine were simply bottom-dustings, and considering the three inches of thick protective padding my kids wore on their bottoms for the first three years of their lives, a spanking in those years did nothing more than make their rubber pants rattle, and I don't remember handing-down a spanking on anyone past the age of 8, and I never used anything other than the flat of my hand.

I know times have changed, and if I were raising a family again, or was raising a family today, I don't know if I'd use spanking again, but having grown-up in an era when spanking was the norm, it came automatic for me to raise my own children using the same, and as an old-fashioned 1970's babysitter, I remember being told by many-a mother... _if someone acts up, give them a spanking_. A different era and time for sure.

Considering how charged the conversation on spanking can be, I hesitated briefly in replying, but glad I did.


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## JaniceM

I wasn't, and I didn't.


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## Pinky

I was spanked twice .. I don't remember what for. I ran away from Mom wielding the wooden spoon. We were all good kids. I was the one who tested the boundaries 

Only once, when our daughter was around 3 yrs. old, my husband spanked her on the thigh. She was in such shock to have been spanked .. and he felt so bad. After that, there were no more spankings.


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## Sassycakes

*I was never spanked as a child. My Mom would threaten me and my sister with the wooden spoon but never used it. I have never spanked my children. They said that the look I gave them when they did something wrong was enough to make them never do it again.*


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## Aneeda72

I was beaten as a child with whatever my mother could lay her hands on.  She mostly used dad’s leather belt and hit with full force, bleeding swollen welts up and down my back.  In junior high, I used to change clothes in my locker to avoid anyone seeing.  For some reason, I was embarrassed and ashamed.  If I cried, she put me in a bath full of steaming hot water.  I was also slapped.  She broke my nose.

My father used his fists.

Gently spanked my daughter once.  Gently Slapped my teenage son, once, when he called me the c word.  She remembers the spanking because of the circumstances and still thinks it’s funny.  He doesn‘t remember.


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## Aunt Marg

Aneeda72 said:


> I was beaten as a child with whatever my mother could lay her hands on.  She mostly used dad’s leather belt and hit with full force, bleeding swollen welts up and down my back.  In junior high, I used to change clothes in my locker to avoid anyone seeing.  For some reason, I was embarrassed and ashamed.  If I cried, she put me in a bath full of steaming hot water.  I was also slapped.  She broke my nose.
> 
> My father used his fists.
> 
> Gently spanked my daughter once.  Gently Slapped my teenage son, once, when he called me the c word.  She remembers the spanking because of the circumstances and still thinks it’s funny.  He doesn‘t remember.


Aneeda. Your post is a reminder to me as to what I don't miss about the past... outright abuse. Very sad.


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## Ruthanne

My Dad would spank the boys and my Mom would spank the girls.  There were 6 of us.  

I was hit with a long strap belt several times.  Both my parents later said they felt guilty about it.


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## Gary O'

I was never spanked
You know the saying 'seen and not heard'?
I wasn't even seen

Dad wasn't either

Now, Mom....she was a hollerer
Came from a family of hollerers

I've never cared for either

This seemed enough to cure whatever ailed my kids;


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## peppermint

My parents never hit me, but maybe if I was fresh, they sent me to my bedroom....
My Dad was the EASY one....He would come upstairs and tell me, you have to talk
somethings out with Mom....She loves you dearly, and she doesn't understand that she
had a terrible upbringing from her Step Father....( Me, I'll remember that forever♥..


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## Aunt Marg

Not once did I ever set out to intentionally hurt or cause pain when I spanked them, especially when spanking a younger child, my intent was to simply apply a few smart pops on a behind to get the child's attention (shock value), and in doing so, redirect the child's behaviour and focus away from whatever it was they were doing, or however they were acting.

How humiliating it must be for parents who abused their children, to face their children in the later years, knowing chances are good, their children well remember the abuse they suffered.

Mom used to blister our bottoms, owie... I mean her spankings really hurt bad, and to this day I still occasionally wonder how I grew to accept my mother for some of the things she did, but I'm guessing most children's love runs deep.


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## C'est Moi

When I was a kid my mother would threaten with a "switch" plucked from a handy bush.  She never did more than dust my legs, hurting my feelings more than anything.   I did the same with my children--more threats than action, but they were good kids.


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## JaniceM

Aunt Marg said:


> How humiliating it must be for parents who abused their children, to face their children in the later years, knowing chances are good, their children well remember the abuse they suffered.



Not necessarily.  While the mother much later admitted things she'd done to her son, she never managed to acknowledge it as "Abuse"which of course it was.  There was also the odd complication of her inability to recognize cause -> effect in any situation, so was never able to understand why he didn't want to be in her life after he grew up.  
As for me, I fully believe I would have been abused too, and only was not because my father would not have allowed it.


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## Aunt Marg

JaniceM said:


> Not necessarily.  While the mother much later admitted things she'd done to her son, she never managed to acknowledge it as "Abuse"which of course it was.  There was also the odd complication of her inability to recognize cause -> effect in any situation, so was never able to understand why he didn't want to be in her life after he grew up.
> As for me, I fully believe I would have been abused too, and only was not because my father would not have allowed it.


So happy to know your father put his foot down when it came to you.


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## JaniceM

Aunt Marg said:


> So happy to know your father put his foot down when it came to you.



Me too.  But I've always felt bad over the way she treated my brother (her son).


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## toffee

strict household- I was the youngest others where older ' but my brother got load of hits from my
awful father ' I never hit my kids' I used to shout at them if they did wrong' and stay in their room till
they had a think but no hitting -seen to much as a child .


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## Aunt Marg

JaniceM said:


> Me too.  But I've always felt bad over the way she treated my brother (her son).


I would, too, Janice.

I remember witnessing my mom spanking my much younger siblings, and there were a few times where I stepped in and yelled at her to - _knock it off_, followed by - _and I mean it_, and she knew it. I was in my teens at that point, so not a child, and not small, and would have had no problem getting physical with her in order to gain control of the situation.


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## Aunt Marg

One thing about our home, my childhood home, even though I had a huge hand in helping care for baby siblings, my mom made it clear from the beginning that I was not allowed to ever raise a hand to any of them, not for any reason.

Still didn't prevent me from threatening them with a good spanking every now and then when babysitting them. 

Baby brother was still in diapers when I was in junior-high school, and every Friday night was babysitting night for me, and all I had to do when baby brother opposed bedtime, was open the kitchen drawer and reach for one of moms wooden spoons, and baby brother would hightail it to his room. LOL!


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## Pink Biz

*I was never spanked but I remember being pinched really hard on my arm after I called my mom a b**ch! *


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## JaniceM

Aunt Marg said:


> I would, too, Janice.
> 
> I remember witnessing my mom spanking my much younger siblings, and there were a few times where I stepped in and yelled at her to - _knock it off_, followed by - _and I mean it_, and she knew it. I was in my teens at that point, so not a child, and not small, and would have had no problem getting physical with her in order to gain control of the situation.


Good for you, for standing up for the little ones!

Edited to add:  I regret that I didn't have that option-  he was more than a decade older than me, and I never actually witnessed anything.  It wasn't til many years later that she informed of the things she'd done, and she actually sounded _smug.  _


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## Ruthanne

Pink Biz said:


> *I was never spanked but I remember being pinched really hard on my arm after I called my mom a b**ch! *


I got the strap for the same thing PB...


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## Aunt Marg

Pink Biz said:


> *I was never spanked but I remember being pinched really hard on my arm after I called my mom a b**ch! *


My LIKE to you doesn't reflect the pinch you got, but the memories I have of the times I almost called my mom a name or two!


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## Lewkat

No, but I was yelled a lot by my Mom.  I never struck my son.  All I had to do was look at him and he'd apologize.


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## Aunt Marg

Lewkat said:


> No, but I was yelled a lot by my Mom.  I never struck my son.  All I had to do was look at him and he'd apologize.


The old evil eye or brow-beat! I practiced that, too! LOL!


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## Aunt Marg

Ruthanne said:


> I got the strap for the same thing PB...


Same goes for you, Ruth, my LIKE reflects the memories I have of myself coming ever so close to doing the same a few times!


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## Ruthanne

Aunt Marg said:


> Same goes for you, Ruth, my LIKE reflects the memories I have of myself coming ever so close to doing the same a few times!


Thank you for telling me that @Aunt Marg


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## Aunt Marg

Ruthanne said:


> Thank you for telling me that @Aunt Marg


You are most welcome. 

Just because I come across as a level-headed person now, doesn't mean I was all level-headed back in the day! LOL!

I had a rebel side to me, too! ROFL!


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## Ruthanne

Aunt Marg said:


> You are most welcome.
> 
> Just because I come across as a level-headed person now, doesn't mean I was all level-headed back in the day! LOL!
> 
> I had a rebel side to me, too! ROFL!


Oh boy did I ever have one too!     ❣


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## Ruth n Jersey

I was never spanked as a child. My mom used a different approach. She used quilt and it worked quite well.
She knew I would cut off my arm rather than have my dad be disappointed in me.
My mom didn't even have to say wait until your dad finds out. (usually she never told him) All she had to say was how hurt  and disappointed  my father would be  by my actions.
If it was a really bad offence she would throw in my Grandma and Grandpa as well.
I never spanked my kids but gave them a swat now and then and missed most of the time but they got the massage.


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## JaniceM

Ruth n Jersey said:


> I was never spanked as a child. My mom used a different approach. She used quilt and it worked quite well.
> She knew I would cut off my arm rather than have my dad be disappointed in me.
> My mom didn't even have to say wait until your dad finds out. (usually she never told him) All she had to say was how hurt  and disappointed  my father would be  by my actions.
> If it was a really bad offence she would throw in my Grandma and Grandpa as well.
> I never spanked my kids but gave them a swat now and then and missed most of the time but they got the massage.



At first I thought you meant something about blankets..  did you meant to say GUILT instead of QUILT?


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## Ruth n Jersey

JaniceM said:


> At first I thought you meant something about blankets..  did you meant to say GUILT instead of QUILT?


Yes, I meant guilt. So funny. I looked at that word and thought it didn't look right but left it. I'm sure my mom had days when she would have liked to have had a quilt to smother me. lol


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## Aunt Marg

JaniceM said:


> At first I thought you meant something about blankets..  did you meant to say GUILT instead of QUILT?


I read the same and couldn't help but scratch my head as to wondering what in the world quilting was! That is, outside of what I know quilting as! LOL!


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## Aunt Bea

I was spanked a couple of times but I was a fast learner so that was all it took.

I'm not opposed to giving a small child a smack on the hand or a pop on the seat if it prevents them from getting seriously hurt in some other way.

It really depends on the situation and the kid.


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## C'est Moi

Aunt Bea said:


> I was spanked a couple of times but I was a fast learner so that was all it took.
> 
> I'm not opposed to giving a small child a smack on the hand or a pop on the seat if it prevents them from getting seriously hurt in some other way.
> 
> It really depends on the situation and the kid.



Agree.   And I used to wonder about the expression "Never Hit a Child in Anger."   So, you should wait till you're in a good mood??


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## oldman

WOW. One of the posters at the beginning, SifuPhil, had passed away a few years ago. He was quite a man. I just wanted to pay homage to him. Sorry if I distracted anyone from the thread.


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## win231

Interesting how some people justify doing something to their child that they would be arrested for if they did it to a stranger.
Parents who spank/beat/hit or use pain to teach their kids do so out of frustration or anger.  Or they get a feeling of power or control by hitting someone who is too small to hit back.  They probably don't know any other way to parent.
What they're really teaching their kids is that it's acceptable to hit someone if they annoy you.  And it's also OK to hit someone who's smaller & weaker.
I have posted previously about my mother.  Whenever she was angry, she'd hit her kids with her hands, shoes, or a broom - the one she rode on.  As a child, I was kicked out of two elementary schools for picking fights with kids who were smaller than me.  I couldn't figure out why I acted that way until I got older & realized where I learned such behavior....from my mother.

When I was around 10, I vividly remember one of the happiest days of my life.  I was sitting in the living room next to a marble table.  My mother was doing her usual rant about how I should have never been born, etc.  I said something like, "Why don't you just shut up."
She went to hit me.  I waited until the last second & moved away.  Her hand hit the marble table & I heard a loud crack.  She let out a scream. My dad took her to the ER & they were gone the whole day.  When they came back, her arm was in a cast up to her shoulder.  My dad said her arm was broken in THREE places & she had surgery.  She said to me, "Look what you did."  I said, "No, YOU did it & it serves you right for hitting me."  She tried to chase me, but the cast was heavy & my dad grabbed her & said, "You're nuts."  I was thinking, "So are you for marrying her."

At 12 years old, when I was closer to her size, she hit me for the last time.  I must have been really angry.  I pushed her into a wall so hard the plaster cracked, then I punched her in the mouth.  I got really scared when blood started pouring out of her mouth, along with 2 teeth.  She screamed, "Just wait until your father gets home."  I said, "I'll kill him, too."  And I wasn't kidding.  Well....7 years of abuse can do that.

She died 7 years ago.  None of her 4 kids attended her funeral.  When a woman from the mortuary called & asked, "Where is the family," we told them, "She has a pre-paid funeral."  She said, "I know, but when are you coming for the service?"  I told her, "We're not coming; do whatever you want with her."  She said, "Oh....my.....God."

Parents who use pain to teach their kids should think about something:  How do they want to be remembered?  Do they want their kids to feel sorrow when they're gone, or relief?


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## Lakeland living

Spanking rarely but it did happen for more serious stuff, like borrowing the car. NO not a beating, spanked enough to make his point and he did that.  Mom used a wooden spoon, till she broke one, then the fly swatter appeared.


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## Em in Ohio

I envied my childhood peers who got spanked and thought it preferable to the constant criticism and verbal harassment that I received.  Emotional abuse from my mother did permanent damage.


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## win231

Em in Ohio said:


> I envied my childhood peers who got spanked and thought it preferable to the constant criticism and verbal harassment that I received.  Emotional abuse from my mother did permanent damage.


Both do serious damage to a child's self esteem & that carries into adulthood.  I saw that in myself, my brother & my sister.  Easy to figure out why.  In a child's mind, "I must be a horrible child to make my parents treat me so badly."


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## JaniceM

win231 said:


> Both do serious damage to a child's self esteem & that carries into adulthood.  I saw that in myself, my brother & my sister.  Easy to figure out why.  In a child's mind, "I must be a horrible child to make my parents treat me so badly."


And too often it's nothing more than a "power trip" by individuals who are (using term from old Dragnet episode on this topic) "emotionally immature."  
Quoting one abusive mother:  "I've gotta show her who's boss!"  and another:  "Ya gotta make 'em afraid!"  And if anyone thinks we're all living in the 21st century, in one state the schools are allowed to beat on children with boards that look like sawed-off 2x4's if a kid dares to address a staff member as Mr. or Mrs. instead of "Ma'am" or "Sir.'


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## tinytn

Darn right we got spanked when we were kids!!. with the back of a hair brush most times.. Put a stop to what we were doing.. like throwing magnitiazed darts at the bathroom metal cabinet which left marks on the ,metal white cabinet,!!,


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## JustBonee

No .... and no!


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## peppermint

This is funny....I remember when my younger brother was a "Rascal".....He was the last born in our family....
I remember Mom running around the table to try to swat my brother's behind....She never got him....
Then they would both laugh...

My Mom and Dad never hit me....They would just send me up to my room if I was sassy......


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## Aneeda72

win231 said:


> Interesting how some people justify doing something to their child that they would be arrested for if they did it to a stranger.
> Parents who spank/beat/hit or use pain to teach their kids do so out of frustration or anger.  Or they get a feeling of power or control by hitting someone who is too small to hit back.  They probably don't know any other way to parent.
> What they're really teaching their kids is that it's acceptable to hit someone if they annoy you.  And it's also OK to hit someone who's smaller & weaker.
> I have posted previously about my mother.  Whenever she was angry, she'd hit her kids with her hands, shoes, or a broom - the one she rode on.  As a child, I was kicked out of two elementary schools for picking fights with kids who were smaller than me.  I couldn't figure out why I acted that way until I got older & realized where I learned such behavior....from my mother.
> 
> When I was around 10, I vividly remember one of the happiest days of my life.  I was sitting in the living room next to a marble table.  My mother was doing her usual rant about how I should have never been born, etc.  I said something like, "Why don't you just shut up."
> She went to hit me.  I waited until the last second & moved away.  Her hand hit the marble table & I heard a loud crack.  She let out a scream. My dad took her to the ER & they were gone the whole day.  When they came back, her arm was in a cast up to her shoulder.  My dad said her arm was broken in THREE places & she had surgery.  She said to me, "Look what you did."  I said, "No, YOU did it & it serves you right for hitting me."  She tried to chase me, but the cast was heavy & my dad grabbed her & said, "You're nuts."  I was thinking, "So are you for marrying her."
> 
> At 12 years old, when I was closer to her size, she hit me for the last time.  I must have been really angry.  I pushed her into a wall so hard the plaster cracked, then I punched her in the mouth.  I got really scared when blood started pouring out of her mouth, along with 2 teeth.  She screamed, "Just wait until your father gets home."  I said, "I'll kill him, too."  And I wasn't kidding.  Well....7 years of abuse can do that.
> 
> She died 7 years ago.  None of her 4 kids attended her funeral.  When a woman from the mortuary called & asked, "Where is the family," we told them, "She has a pre-paid funeral."  She said, "I know, but when are you coming for the service?"  I told her, "We're not coming; do whatever you want with her."  She said, "Oh....my.....God."
> 
> Parents who use pain to teach their kids should think about something:  How do they want to be remembered?  Do they want their kids to feel sorrow when they're gone, or relief?


My mother once said to me she wished I was like other elderly woman's daughters who behaved more lovingly towards them, I said, perhaps they had mothers who did not beat them.


----------



## JaniceM

Aneeda72 said:


> My mother once said to me she wished I was like other elderly woman's daughters who behaved more lovingly towards them, I said, perhaps they had mothers who did not beat them.


Good for you for speaking up!


----------



## Keesha

Em in Ohio said:


> I envied my childhood peers who got spanked and thought it preferable to the constant criticism and verbal harassment that I received.  Emotional abuse from my mother did permanent damage.


I had every type. 


win231 said:


> Easy to figure out why.  In a child's mind, "I must be a horrible child to make my parents treat me so badly."


 Exactly and no amount of therapy erases this feeling. 


win231 said:


> She went to hit me.  I waited until the last second & moved away.  Her hand hit the marble table & I heard a loud crack.  She let out a scream. My dad took her to the ER & they were gone the whole day.  When they came back, her arm was in a cast up to her shoulder.  My dad said her arm was broken in THREE places & she had surgery.  She said to me, "Look what you did."



My parents were both brutal. They both had severe undiagnosed mental disorders ( didn’t have to be a doctor to figure this out so don’t even go there with me ) and would support and enable each other in their sadistic abuse. My father was built like an ox. He’d strip off my clothes and hit me so hard. Once he broke his hand in three places and had to get a cast up to his elbow. Once back from the hospital I was blamed. 

Sure the body heals within time and the pain goes away but the ‘mental‘ scars never do. Some of the mental damage caused , stays with you to haunt you forever.


----------



## C'est Moi

Seems that the responses here are colored by individual personal experiences.   There is a great difference in a spanking and a beating.   Sometimes a swat will get a child's attention but that does not mean you beat them into submission.  My sons had their hands swatted if they were reaching for fire; it let them know that I seriously meant "NO."   They have grown up to be respectful and responsible, loving men.   I don't feel badly about using an occasional swat and I believe there are many children nowadays that could definitely benefit from it.  

The most important things to remember about raising a child are to listen to them, let them know you love them, and don't make empty threats.


----------



## Aneeda72

Keesha said:


> I had every type.
> Exactly and no amount of therapy erases this feeling.
> 
> 
> My parents were both brutal. They both had severe undiagnosed mental disorders ( didn’t have to be a doctor to figure this out so don’t even go there with me ) and would support and enable each other in their sadistic abuse. My father was built like an ox. He’d strip off my clothes and hit me so hard. Once he broke his hand in three places and had to get a cast up to his elbow. Once back from the hospital I was blamed.
> 
> Sure the body heals within time and the pain goes away but the ‘mental‘ scars never do. Some of the mental damage caused , stays with you to haunt you forever.


He would strip your clothes off you?  Beat you when you were naked?  How old were you?  What did he hit you with?


----------



## JaniceM

C'est Moi said:


> Seems that the responses here are colored by individual personal experiences.   There is a great difference in a spanking and a beating.   Sometimes a swat will get a child's attention but that does not mean you beat them into submission.  My sons had their hands swatted if they were reaching for fire; it let them know that I seriously meant "NO."   They have grown up to be respectful and responsible, loving men.   I don't feel badly about using an occasional swat and I believe there are many children nowadays that could definitely benefit from it.
> 
> The most important things to remember about raising a child are to listen to them, let them know you love them, and don't make empty threats.


Agreeing with all the points you made here. 
However, too many don't use that word to refer to a slap or swat to get a child's attention or similar, they're talking about using actual 'weapons' against children like straps, belts, boards, etc.  It's absolutely outrageous the way some individuals treat kids-  and then claim they 'only spanked' the kids.


----------



## Aneeda72

JaniceM said:


> Agreeing with all the points you made here.
> However, too many don't use that word to refer to a slap or swat to get a child's attention or similar, they're talking about using actual 'weapons' against children like straps, belts, boards, etc.  It's absolutely outrageous the way some individuals treat kids-  and then claim they 'only spanked' the kids.


My mother was raised during the depression and such abuse was acceptable then.  Few carried it to the next generation, she is one of the ones who did.


----------



## Em in Ohio

C'est Moi said:


> ...The most important things to remember about raising a child are to listen to them, let them know you love them, and *don't make empty threats*.


You hit the nail on the head with this line!  Discipline of any kind is needed far less if folks just followed this one line of advice!  "If you don't stop that, I will..."    "The next time you do that, I'll..."  and on and on.  Then, you see no follow-through - and the child has learned how to ignore and manipulate you.   No consequences, no point. Sad.


----------



## win231

JaniceM said:


> And too often it's nothing more than a "power trip" by individuals who are (using term from old Dragnet episode on this topic) "emotionally immature."
> Quoting one abusive mother:  "I've gotta show her who's boss!"  and another:  "Ya gotta make 'em afraid!"  And if anyone thinks we're all living in the 21st century, in one state the schools are allowed to beat on children with boards that look like sawed-off 2x4's if a kid dares to address a staff member as Mr. or Mrs. instead of "Ma'am" or "Sir.'


Another popular excuse frequently used by some "parents" is:  "If I don't raise 'em right, they'll grow up to be criminals, drug dealers, drug addicts, etc."  They are really stupid; many kids who were hit grow up to be exactly that.  They have low self esteem & a lot of rage.

I was watching an interview with Jeffrey Dahmer's father on "60 Minutes" (after Jeffrey was beaten to death in prison).  The reporter asked him if there was anything in his son's upbringing that might have contributed to his son's violent & perverted behavior.
His father said, "Oh, no.  Whenever Jeffrey misbehaved, I spanked him real good."

I don't know what state allows beating school children, but if that happened to any kids of mine, the next day's headlines would read something like:  "Teacher found dead with 2x4 in his throat & large bullet in his head.  Father arrested.


----------



## oldman

I got more spankings in school than I did at home. At home, my dad spanked me twice. He always tried "reasoning" with me first and then if that didn't work, he would slap me across the butt twice. I probably got the paddle in school 6 or 7 times. I was what we called a Hellian back in in those days. It took me awhile, but I finally did get the message. 

I had just finished ninth grade when my dad took me aside and told me that I would be leaving home in two weeks. I asked him where were 'we' going? He said 'we' aren't going anywhere, but you are going to military school. You need to learn a few things and I don't seem to be getting it through to you, so maybe some more stricter discipline with a regimented lifestyle will cure what's wrong with you. 

So, I spent two years there and really enjoyed myself. I should have stayed for my senior year. It would have changed my life forever, but I was too dumb at the time to realize it. One of my regrets in life.


----------



## CarolfromTX

Yes I was spanked. My mother used a wooden paddle and my father used a belt. They didn't have to use it often. But even once is too much. Anything more than a smack across the bottom with an open hand is too much. I didn't spank my daughter except one time with an open hand and I felt so awful I never did it again.


----------



## JaniceM

win231 said:


> Another popular excuse frequently used by some "parents" is:  "If I don't raise 'em right, they'll grow up to be criminals, drug dealers, drug addicts, etc."  They are really stupid; many kids who were hit grow up to be exactly that.  They have low self esteem & a lot of rage.
> 
> I was watching an interview with Jeffrey Dahmer's father on "60 Minutes" (after Jeffrey was beaten to death in prison).  The reporter asked him if there was anything in his son's upbringing that might have contributed to his son's violent & perverted behavior.
> His father said, "Oh, no.  Whenever Jeffrey misbehaved, I spanked him real good."
> 
> I don't know what state allows beating school children, but if that happened to any kids of mine, the next day's headlines would read something like:  "Teacher found dead with 2x4 in his throat & large bullet in his head.  Father arrested.



All the addicts I've known said they were treated that way.

Plenty of states still allow it, but the one I was referring to was (misspelling intentional) Lousiana.  Which, the last I noticed, had the highest incarceration rate in the USA.  Maybe instead of bragging about how 'tough' they are on crime, they and similar states with high incarceration rates and high rates of executions should start to examine why they have so much of it.


----------



## Keesha

Aneeda72 said:


> He would strip your clothes off you?  Beat you when you were naked?  How old were you?  What did he hit you with?


Not completely naked. It started when I was 5 years old in 1965 when we moved to Canada. He’d pull my pants down, bend me over his knee and smack me with his bare hand. It wasn’t a slap or two. It would go on until I struggled to get away and turn out to be a struggle between us.  The pants around my ankles usually ended off me but this continued into my teens which was most inappropriate. The fact that he was getting off on it sickened me so after having a broken tailbone at 16, I left. That was ‘more’ hurtful than the physical abuse. He hit me with his hand which is how he broke it. Like a said, he was built like an ox. Slaps became more like punches. 
I was never hit with anything else. The mental head games were far worst than any physical abuse. Some things can’t be brushed under the carpet when there’s medical records as proof. 
That’s all I wish to say about this topic.


----------



## Aneeda72

Keesha said:


> Not completely naked. It started when I was 5 years old in 1965 when we moved to Canada. He’d pull my pants down, bend me over his knee and smack me with his bare hand. It wasn’t a slap or two. It would go on until I struggled to get away and turn out to be a struggle between us.  The pants around my ankles usually ended off me but this continued into my teens which was most inappropriate. The fact that he was getting off on it sickened me so after having a broken tailbone at 16, I left. That was ‘more’ hurtful than the physical abuse. He hit me with his hand which is how he broke it. Like a said, he was built like an ox. Slaps became more like punches.
> I was never hit with anything else. The mental head games were far worst than any physical abuse. Some things can’t be brushed under the carpet when there’s medical records as proof.
> That’s all I wish to say about this topic.


Pulling down outside pants, yup, cause they don’t want the cushion of fabric to soften the blows, pulling down underpants, was done on younger child so the skin would sting.  My outside pants were sometimes pulled down but not very often, she was too enraged to hold off on the hitting to take this step, which wasn’t done as I got older.

Doing either, to older children, was a type of humiliation.  (I know you, know this, writing this for others who might not.)  It wasn’t considered a “sex” thing as some might assume.

I was abused, as you know, till I was thrown out at 17.


----------



## Keesha

Aneeda72 said:


> Doing either, to older children, was a type of humiliation.  (I know you, know this, writing this for others who might not.)  It wasn’t considered a “sex” thing as some might assume.
> 
> I was abused, as you know, till I was thrown out at 17.


As a small child, having a huge man chasing me around to beat me was terrifying in itself  and became a regular occurrence which they turned into a norm. Whenever my mom was either mad at me or my father, the end result would be the same. 

As I got older, it was beyond humiliating and NO Anneda, I most certainly considered it ******. My father ‘got off’ on doing this. He couldn’t deny this. His body didn’t lie , if you get my drift. THAT in itself really messed me up as well as other inappropriate things. 

My mom never hit me that I remember. The abuse from her was emotional and mental abuse which at times was far worse than physical abuse. She knew what was going on and did nothing. 

When we drove to California when I was 12 for a business trip my dad was on and mom flew back home after 2 weeks , I was left with my dad. The very night my mom left, my dad took complete advantage of the situation and we stayed there for 6 more weeks. 

When I finally got the nerve to tell my mom, I was called a liar and for the rest of my life was deemed a home wrecker by them both. Meanwhile I was 12. I had no idea what sex was or what she was talking about until I got older and this shaming became a family theme. This was apparently why I was disinherited. 

My mind was fragmenting to save itself so I HAD to leave at 16.  I did however get a job and managed to support myself while still staying in school for which I’m proud of. 

I’ve been very reluctant to share this but this really happened and had a huge impact on my life.


----------



## Aneeda72

Keesha said:


> As a small child, having a huge man chasing me around to beat me was terrifying in itself  and became a regular occurrence which they turned into a norm. Whenever my mom was either mad at me or my father, the end result would be the same.
> 
> As I got older, it was beyond humiliating and NO Anneda, I most certainly considered it ******. My father ‘got off’ on doing this. He couldn’t deny this. His body didn’t lie , if you get my drift. THAT in itself really messed me up as well as other inappropriate things.
> 
> My mom never hit me that I remember. The abuse from her was emotional and mental abuse which at times was far worse than physical abuse. She knew what was going on and did nothing.
> 
> When we drove to California when I was 12 for a business trip my dad was on and mom flew back home after 2 weeks , I was left with my dad. The very night my mom left, my dad took complete advantage of the situation and we stayed there for 6 more weeks.
> 
> When I finally got the nerve to tell my mom, I was called a liar and for the rest of my life was deemed a home wrecker by them both. Meanwhile I was 12. I had no idea what sex was or what she was talking about until I got older and this shaming became a family theme. This was apparently why I was disinherited.
> 
> My mind was fragmenting to save itself so I HAD to leave at 16.  I did however get a job and managed to support myself while still staying in school for which I’m proud of.
> 
> I’ve been very reluctant to share this but this really happened and had a huge impact on my life.


I was speaking in general terms about the “sex” thing, you had shared this with me in the past.  It was never ****** with me.  Dad did not spank, he hit.  But I remember once, when my brother had chased me up the tree, my favorite get away spot, my dad wanted me down.  Once up it would be hours before I came down.

It was once of the few times he was angered at my brother, who was untouchable.  Dad chased him around the house in an effort to punish him, but could never catch him.  However, according to my half sister, he molested his daughters, my half sisters, in his old age.  He was a baptist 
preacher at the time.

Him, a preacher, so hard to imagine.


----------



## Keesha

Aneeda72 said:


> I was speaking in general terms about the “sex” thing, you had shared this with me in the past.  It was never ****** with me.  Dad did not spank, he hit.  But I remember once, when my brother had chased me up the tree, my favorite get away spot, my dad wanted me down.  Once up it would be hours before I came down.
> 
> It was once of the few times he was angered at my brother, who was untouchable.  Dad chased him around the house in an effort to punish him, but could never catch him.  However, according to my half sister, he molested his daughters, my half sisters, in his old age.  He was a baptist
> preacher at the time.
> 
> Him, a preacher, so hard to imagine.


So there was a golden boy in your family too who wasn’t touched. This is quite common also when you start looking into the family dynamics of dysfunctional families. The golden kid gets put on a pedestal and the one abused the most becomes the family scapegoat. Unfortunately it’s more common than most people think and most cringe when these types of things are brought up in conversation. 

Hard to imagine a preacher doing this type of thing? Sorry but NO it’s not. Nothing surprises me.
Sorry you had to endure this type of abuse.


----------



## Pinky

I'm sorry to read about your experiences, Keesha and Aneeda.

My eldest half-sister, who is 10 yrs. older than me, was the scapegoat of the family after her older brother was beaten and kicked out of the house by my father. She was constantly beaten around the head, and has loss of hearing in one ear.

Horrible as it was, not near as extreme as the abuses you two have been through.

It takes courage to write about the reality of life. Not everyone has a happy upbringing.


----------



## Mister E

Some dreadful tales on here , so sorry for those who were cruelly mistreated .
I was smacked a few times by my mother to let me know I'd overstepped the mark . My father never actually smacked me , but the threat was enough . Never could understand why mother always told me prior to administering said punishment '' this is going to hurt me more than you '' 
Had the '' gym slipper '' used on me a few times at school


----------



## win231

Aneeda72 said:


> I was speaking in general terms about the “sex” thing, you had shared this with me in the past.  It was never ****** with me.  Dad did not spank, he hit.  But I remember once, when my brother had chased me up the tree, my favorite get away spot, my dad wanted me down.  Once up it would be hours before I came down.
> 
> It was once of the few times he was angered at my brother, who was untouchable.  Dad chased him around the house in an effort to punish him, but could never catch him.  However, according to my half sister, he molested his daughters, my half sisters, in his old age.  He was a baptist
> preacher at the time.
> 
> Him, a preacher, so hard to imagine.


Often, such perverts are religious figures to gain people's respect & compensate for their perversion.  Some are police officers for the same reason.  They are satisfying both their ****** perversion and their need to dominate & control.


----------



## Mister E

Just the way it was in my childhood , didn't know any diffo Pinky .


----------



## Keesha

What’s sad is that’s it’s not socially acceptable to discuss such things. People know that these things happen but you aren’t supposed to talk about them. It’s not nice . It’s not pretty and it makes others uncomfortable. It comes across as disloyalty to family, desperate for attention or the need to cause drama. 

What you should do is get ‘help’ from professionals so you never unravel or  feel the need to share your burdens or experiences. Either do that or stuff it down as in ‘suck it up buttercup.’

It is ugly and not something anyone wants to read about but these things happen to people everywhere including the strict religious. 

People are supposed to share the standard stuff so everyone is comfortable. Add some pretty flowers  plenty of hearts sugar and spice and everything nice. Make all efforts to blend in. 
If you don’t, we will avoid you like the plague. 

I suppose my version of ‘spanking ‘ doesn’t belong in this thread but I refuse to say sorry for making anyone feel uncomfortable.


----------



## Aneeda72

Keesha said:


> So there was a golden boy in your family too who wasn’t touched. This is quite common also when you start looking into the family dynamics of dysfunctional families. The golden kid gets put on a pedestal and the one abused the most becomes the family scapegoat. Unfortunately it’s more common than most people think and most cringe when these types of things are brought up in conversation.
> 
> Hard to imagine a preacher doing this type of thing? Sorry but NO it’s not. Nothing surprises me.
> Sorry you had to endure this type of abuse.


I meant hard to imagine my dad became a preacher.  Previously he was a VP at a major aircraft manufacturer and had connections, according to family, to the “mob”.  He never paid for a room in Las Vegas .  They went there every weekend.


----------



## win231

Keesha said:


> What’s sad is that’s it’s not socially acceptable to discuss such things. People know that these things happen but you aren’t supposed to talk about them. It’s not nice . It’s not pretty and it makes others uncomfortable. It comes across as disloyalty to family, desperate for attention or the need to cause drama.
> 
> What you should do is get ‘help’ from professionals so you never unravel or  feel the need to share your burdens or experiences. Either do that or stuff it down as in ‘suck it up buttercup.’
> 
> It is ugly and not something anyone wants to read about but these things happen to people everywhere including the strict religious.
> 
> People are supposed to share the standard stuff so everyone is comfortable. Add some pretty flowers  plenty of hearts ❤sugar and spice and everything nice. Make all efforts to blend in.
> If you don’t, we will avoid you like the plague.
> 
> I suppose my version of ‘spanking ‘ doesn’t belong in this thread but I refuse to say sorry for making anyone feel uncomfortable.


I've learned in my 67 years, that the truth is the best policy; even when it's an ugly truth that involves family.  Yes, it may make some people uncomfortable, but others will learn from it.
I hide nothing about my family from anyone & a few people are shocked & don't want to believe, but that's _their _problem; not mine.  I prefer reality.  When the truth is covered up, bad things continue to happen.


----------



## jujube

We were "switched".  Mom alternated between a switch, a flyswatter and a yardstick.....whatever was at hand.

If she rang the dinner bell (we were NEVER supposed to get beyond sound of the dinner bell) and we didn't come running within a reasonable amount of time (and reasonable depended on her mood at the time), she'd come looking loaded for bear, switch/flyswatter/yardstick in hand.  The secret was to stay far enough ahead of her that only a few whacks landed, but not TOO far so that she couldn't get a few licks in.  She never hit hard, though, just a flick or two.

Dad, on the other hand, threatened but almost never came through with it.  He'd threaten the belt, sometimes getting as far as beginning to unbuckle it.  Just the mention of the belt would usually engender an attitude change in the offending child (we were pretty gullible).  The only time I remember actually getting the belt was on Father's Day when I got mad at him and threw a rock at him (it connected).  I'm pretty sure I deserved it.


----------



## win231

jujube said:


> We were "switched".  Mom alternated between a switch, a flyswatter and a yardstick.....whatever was at hand.
> 
> If she rang the dinner bell (we were NEVER supposed to get beyond sound of the dinner bell) and we didn't come running within a reasonable amount of time (and reasonable depended on her mood at the time), she'd come looking loaded for bear, switch/flyswatter/yardstick in hand.  The secret was to stay far enough ahead of her that only a few whacks landed, but not TOO far so that she couldn't get a few licks in.  She never hit hard, though, just a flick or two.
> 
> Dad, on the other hand, threatened but almost never came through with it.  He'd threaten the belt, sometimes getting as far as beginning to unbuckle it.  Just the mention of the belt would usually engender an attitude change in the offending child (we were pretty gullible).  The only time I remember actually getting the belt was on Father's Day when I got mad at him and threw a rock at him (it connected).  I'm pretty sure I deserved it.


When kids kill their parents, there is often a good reason.
Everyone who knows me says, "I'm the nicest guy they've ever met."  I came close to killing my mom a couple of times.  If I had, she would have certainly had it coming.  You can only get away with tormenting someone for so long.
Some parents think they have the right to do anything they want to their kids.  Some learn the hard way that they can't.


----------



## Aneeda72

win231 said:


> When kids kill their parents, there is often a good reason.
> Everyone who knows me says, "I'm the nicest guy they've ever met."  I came close to killing my mom a couple of times.  If I had, she would have certainly had it coming.  You can only get away with tormenting someone for so long.
> Some parents think they have the right to do anything they want to their kids.  Some learn the hard way that they can't.


Exactly!  I was 17, just graduated from HS, when she knocked me down on the floor, went and got the belt, and told my older brother to whip me.  He refused.  She took the belt and went to whip me.  I told her if she did it’d be the last time she did anything.

She said since I was going to see my grandma, don’t bother to come back.  I didn’t.  I ended up living at the Salvation home for young woman in LA, CA.  I much later realized she wanted me out of the house because she was getting remarried.


----------



## win231

win231 said:


> Often, such perverts are religious figures to gain people's respect & compensate for their perversion.  Some are police officers for the same reason.  They are satisfying both their ****** perversion and their need to dominate & control.


Marlo Thomas starred in a true-story move - "Ultimate Betrayal."  The church-going, bible-thumping, well-respected police officer father was the abuser - both physical & ******.  He'd take his young daughters downstairs & rape them frequently.  The "mother" pretended she didn't know what was happening - even when she witnessed it.  As frequently happens, having a man is more important than her children's safety.
What was interesting was that the 3 daughters later sued their father.  Of course, everyone who knew him found it hard to believe.

Reminded me of my mother; everyone who _thought _they knew her found her very charming & loving....and she was - to everyone _except _her family. These individuals know how to put on two faces.


----------



## Mahatma

well here goes, my mother and father were married because my mother was pregnant, as hitler was bombing Birmingham [where they both worked] it was decided that mother should go home. so i was born and brought up in Scotland, now mother never went back south. so i was brought up with my grandparents, my grandfather worshipped me and lifted me out of bed and carried me downstairs where my breakfast waited for me by the warm fire.... then when i was nine my mum and dad decided to play happy families, so we moved about six miles away to what seemed like a different country, at my new school everyone had a completely different accent, six miles and we had moved back a hundred years.... my mother was an invalid so father got me up for school the first day, there were two cups of tea on the kitchen table so i asked if the one closest to me was mine, he hit me with a backhander that knocked me into the corner of the room, he then lifted his cup and went into the sitting room, that was the first time i had been hit by an adult in my life, i got up and scuttled out the door off to school... basically i was battered by my father, punched and kicked, one instance, during the Queen coronation we all had little flags on a stick, my father threw me onto the bed ripped my trousers and pants down, rolled the flag up and gave me six on the bare bottom, for a number of days it was difficult to even sit... when my young brother was born he made a point of telling me that as he was raising him, he would be twice the man i was... we were certainly different, i can never remember my father ever striking my brother [who incidentally was incarcerated in ever prison in the UK at different times from borstal to Strangeways]... he hated me [and i speak highly of him] i havent seen my father since my mother died when i was 21... i know my brother died during an operation, i have no idea, nor do i care where my father ended up


----------



## Mister E

Crikey Mahatma , that's bl**dy awful . Sorry to hear about it .


----------



## Mahatma

Mister E said:


> Crikey Mahatma , that's bl**dy awful . Sorry to hear about it .


no worries today friends, i'm all grown up... one thing i missed out was that while my young brother was 100% waster, i have never been in a police station in my life.. b


----------



## Yo-Yo

My Dad never spanked me. My mom slapped me a few times for not listening to her or back talking and that was it.


----------



## hollydolly

I've documented my seriously abusive childhood here before...  no need for me to do it again..

It's upsetting for me, as well as readers,  ...some might find it even  tedious.. (in that same manner keesha mentioned about sucking it up.. that it was long ago,  get over it ..type of attitude, said or unsaid, it's in the air)...  but we never get over it.. we can't we're damaged !! no-one repaired us little victims of serious abuse ..they couldn't.


----------



## Mahatma

i have one son, and if you ask him he will tell you yes i used to batter him..lol
in fact i have never hit him in his life, and threatened his mother about raising her hand to him
what i did was put him face down on my easy chair and batter the arm of the chair with my slipper
he squealed his head off, but no, not even nearly...


----------



## Pinky

hollydolly said:


> I've documented my seriously abusive childhood here before...  no need for me to do it again..
> 
> It's upsetting for me, as well as readers,  ...some might find it even  tedious.. (in that same manner keesha mentioned about sucking it up.. that it was long ago,  get over it ..type of attitude, said or unsaid, it's in the air)...  but we never get over it.. we can't we're damaged !! no-one repaired us little victims of serious abuse ..they couldn't.


Well said, Hols .. it's important to be able to talk about it, as not everyone had a happy childhood with loving parents. If anyone has a problem with hearing the raw truth, they are doing themselves an injustice keeping their eyes closed.


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## win231

In my 20's, I dated a woman for a few months.  She had cerebral palsy & walked with canes.  We broke it off, she moved out of town & we lost contact for several years.  She contacted me after she moved back in town & we started socializing just as friends.  She had a 5-year-old son at the time.  No marriage; just one of her "boyfriends."  After hearing the ugly way she talked to her son, I had several talks with her about her lack of parenting abilities & the damage she was doing to him.  I found out she was also damaging him physically (which is usually the case).
She later invited me to her son's 6th birthday party.  When I arrived, I noticed she had several serious bruises on her arms & also some cuts that were healing.  I asked her what happened.  She explained that her son was acting up & he hurt her.  (Yeah....her son is bad, but she's a "good" mother).
On further questioning, she admitted to beating him with a belt & he grabbed one of her canes & started to beat her with it.  I told her, "You're lucky he stopped; he's a lot nicer than you are."
She said she was raising him the way she was raised & she turned out all right.  That's the same stupid remark all abusive parents use to justify it. Yeah....beating your kids with a belt = she turned out all right.  And, her sleazy "Anyone, Anytime," also = she turned out all right.

After more discussions & getting nowhere, I phoned Child Protective Services.  A representative told me, "If you don't give us any information, these situations usually get worse & the child or the mother can end up dead.  How would you feel then?"  They investigated & removed him from his mother's custody.


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## JaniceM

win231 said:


> In my 20's, I dated a woman for a few months.  She had cerebral palsy & walked with canes.  We broke it off, she moved out of town & we lost contact for several years.  She contacted me after she moved back in town & we started socializing just as friends.  She had a 5-year-old son at the time.  No marriage; just one of her "boyfriends."  After hearing the ugly way she talked to her son, I had several talks with her about her lack of parenting abilities & the damage she was doing to him.  I found out she was also damaging him physically (which is usually the case).
> She later invited me to her son's 6th birthday party.  When I arrived, I noticed she had several serious bruises on her arms & also some cuts that were healing.  I asked her what happened.  She explained that her son was acting up & he hurt her.  (Yeah....her son is bad, but she's a "good" mother).
> On further questioning, she admitted to beating him with a belt & he grabbed one of her canes & started to beat her with it.  I told her, "You're lucky he stopped; he's a lot nicer than you are."
> She said she was raising him the way she was raised & she turned out all right.  That's the same stupid remark all abusive parents use to justify it. Yeah....beating your kids with a belt = she turned out all right.
> 
> After more discussions & getting nowhere, I phoned Child Protective Services.  A representative told me, "If you don't give us any information, these situations usually get worse & the child or the mother can end up dead.  How would you feel then?"  They investigated & removed him from his mother's custody.


Good for you for speaking up!  Too many people just close their eyes to child abuse..  or say it's the parent's "right,".. or see nothing wrong with it at all.


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## Aunt Marg

win231 said:


> In my 20's, I dated a woman for a few months.  She had cerebral palsy & walked with canes.  We broke it off, she moved out of town & we lost contact for several years.  She contacted me after she moved back in town & we started socializing just as friends.  She had a 5-year-old son at the time.  No marriage; just one of her "boyfriends."  After hearing the ugly way she talked to her son, I had several talks with her about her lack of parenting abilities & the damage she was doing to him.  I found out she was also damaging him physically (which is usually the case).
> She later invited me to her son's 6th birthday party.  When I arrived, I noticed she had several serious bruises on her arms & also some cuts that were healing.  I asked her what happened.  She explained that her son was acting up & he hurt her.  (Yeah....her son is bad, but she's a "good" mother).
> On further questioning, she admitted to beating him with a belt & he grabbed one of her canes & started to beat her with it.  I told her, "You're lucky he stopped; he's a lot nicer than you are."
> She said she was raising him the way she was raised & she turned out all right.  That's the same stupid remark all abusive parents use to justify it. Yeah....beating your kids with a belt = she turned out all right.
> 
> After more discussions & getting nowhere, I phoned Child Protective Services.  A representative told me, "If you don't give us any information, these situations usually get worse & the child or the mother can end up dead.  How would you feel then?"  They investigated & removed him from his mother's custody.


Good on you, Win!


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## Keesha

win231 said:


> I've learned in my 67 years, that the truth is the best policy; even when it's an ugly truth that involves family.  Yes, it may make some people uncomfortable, but others will learn from it.
> I hide nothing about my family from anyone & a few people are shocked & don't want to believe, but that's _their _problem; not mine.  I prefer reality.  When the truth is covered up, bad things continue to happen.


The thing about the truth when it comes to humanity is that our truth is our perception of reality and that can change depending on our personal mental outlook. No we don’t have to lie about our personal truth but we don’t have to share it either.There is such a thing as discretion. Unfortunately I’m not very good at that.

Re-reading my posts I’ve come to realize that I’ve demonized my parents and nobody deserves that. Like myself, they had mental disorders. Like myself and any other human, they made mistakes. What I’ve done is emphasized and focussed on those mistakes which is far from forgiveness. Something I thought I was good at but obviously I’m  not.

None of my family deserve this type of shaming so I’m disappointed in disclosing my personal perception. My parents worked hard, earned good money and enjoyed their life how they how they wanted. They had plenty of friends and were respectful towards others. How they lived their lives is none of my business and while I’ve gone on about all I did for them, they didn’t ask me to. It was something I took on myself and became resentful due to it. There were times when I was needlessly unfair to them due to unresolved anger. The same unresolved anger that is brewing inside me still.

Nobody on earth deserves to be remembered by their mistakes. Even murderers deserve a second chance if they are rehabilitated. My perception is tainted and distorted like theirs was and still is. That’s what mental disorder does and unlike you I can’t imagine not going to my parents funeral. I choke up every time I think of them and while I bitch and complain about them , caring for them was also healing and joyful at times. There’s no doubt whatsoever that my mom tried her very hardest to manage everything even after the stroke. You could recognize that in her eyes. She loves me. The last thing she needed was my judgment and ridicule.

If I could do all this over again, I would have done a lot of things differently but I’m a faulted human just like everyone else in life  and made plenty of mistakes. Some of which I’m having a difficult time forgiving. My parents didn’t deserve this . My brother didn’t deserve this. I actually love my parents a lot and wish I could express myself better and be more emotionally mature. I wish I could have treated them better at times but I can’t change them or the past. I can’t take back hurtful things I’ve said. All I can do is try and learn from MY MISTAKES and move forward from there. Holding on to grievances doesn’t help anyone including myself.


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## peppermint

I cried for everyone that have been hurt by a family member....
I had a great growing up time in my life...Even though my Dad sometimes sent me up to my room, cause he didn't like me looking
at some Movie that was on TV....Never Ever, Did Dad or my Mom hit me...Maybe they would send me to bed cause I was fresh!!!
My Dad always would come upstairs and tell me why he sent me there....He was a very caring man....
My younger brother was another thing....LOL!!   He was a rascal....But my parents would never hit him, even thought he was fresh...
He is a really nice guy now, after growing up and having his kids.....They are all married with their children....

I guess it seems back in the day, it wasn't like it is today....Parents didn't know better, cause they probably were hit by their parents....My Mom told me when I was a teen about her Step Father....He was a mean man...
Mom got out of the house after 18 years old...Met my Dad and got married when they were 20 yrs. old...
Mom did tell me about her Step Father when I got older....She would cry telling me about that man....
I never met him and I never went to my Mom's Mother's home....Mom wouldn't let me see the "Old Man"

I did have an Italian Grandma...My Dad's Mom, She was the best, even though she didn't speak English....
She was always in the kitchen on Sunday making the meal for our cousins and Aunts and Uncles...
I tried to help her sometimes, but she was very stubborn, it had to be perfect to put the food on the table..
I loved that lady....She lived a month after I had my first born...At that time she was in the hospital when
my son was born and she couldn't see the baby....Just pictures....
For some, Their life is not a bowl of cherries.....And I am sad for that.....


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## Aneeda72

Keesha said:


> The thing about the truth when it comes to humanity is that our truth is our perception of reality and that can change depending on our personal mental outlook. No we don’t have to lie about our personal truth but we don’t have to share it either.There is such a thing as discretion. Unfortunately I’m not very good at that.
> 
> Re-reading my posts I’ve come to realize that I’ve demonized my parents and nobody deserves that. Like myself, they had mental disorders. Like myself and any other human, they made mistakes. What I’ve done is emphasized and focussed on those mistakes which is far from forgiveness. Something I thought I was good at but obviously I’m  not.
> 
> None of my family deserve this type of shaming so I’m disappointed in disclosing my personal perception. My parents worked hard, earned good money and enjoyed their life how they how they wanted. They had plenty of friends and were respectful towards others. How they lived their lives is none of my business and while I’ve gone on about all I did for them, they didn’t ask me to. It was something I took on myself and became resentful due to it. There were times when I was needlessly unfair to them due to unresolved anger. The same unresolved anger that is brewing inside me still.
> 
> Nobody on earth deserves to be remembered by their mistakes. Even murderers deserve a second chance if they are rehabilitated. My perception is tainted and distorted like theirs was and still is. That’s what mental disorder does and unlike you I can’t imagine not going to my parents funeral. I choke up every time I think of them and while I bitch and complain about them , caring for them was also healing and joyful at times. There’s no doubt whatsoever that my mom tried her very hardest to manage everything even after the stroke. You could recognize that in her eyes. She loves me. The last thing she needed was my judgment and ridicule.
> 
> If I could do all this over again, I would have done a lot of things differently but I’m a faulted human just like everyone else in life  and made plenty of mistakes. Some of which I’m having a difficult time forgiving. My parents didn’t deserve this . My brother didn’t deserve this. I actually love my parents a lot and wish I could express myself better and be more emotionally mature. I wish I could have treated them better at times but I can’t change them or the past. I can’t take back hurtful things I’ve said. All I can do is try and learn from MY MISTAKES and move forward from there. Holding on to grievances doesn’t help anyone including myself.


As you know, i think, I like you a great deal even though we disagree at  lot.  I think if we lived closer we could become great friends.  Having  said that, I am kind to my mother, I treat her well, because of the Ten Commandments and for no other reason.

After the last time I saw her, and she said several hurtful things including saying I deserved to be severely beaten because I “had a smart mouth”.  Including saying she tried to put me up for adoption when I was two, etc.

Because, from five to 7 years old I slept outside the house on an unlocked front porch, and because of the many other things she did over those 17 years when she wished she didn’t have a daughter, she really doesn’t.

I will not attend her funeral if she every dies.  I might burst out in a happy song if I did.  I refused to forgive her, telling her that was God’s job.  (In connection with this conversation with her, I was, (68 or so), asked a question by probably her guardian angel.)

I applaud and appreciate your attitude.  I have a different one.  Once again we agree to disagree.


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## Keesha

Aneeda72 said:


> As you know, i think, I like you a great deal even though we disagree at  lot.  I think if we lived closer we could become great friends.  Having  said that, I am kind to my mother, I treat her well, because of the Ten Commandments and for no other reason.
> 
> After the last time I saw her, and she said several hurtful things including saying I deserved to be severely beaten because I “had a smart mouth”.  Including saying she tried to put me up for adoption when I was two, etc.
> 
> Because, from five to 7 years old I slept outside the house on an unlocked front porch, and because of the many other things she did over those 17 years when she wished she didn’t have a daughter, she really doesn’t.
> 
> I will not attend her funeral if she every dies.  I might burst out in a happy song if I did.  I refused to forgive her, telling her that was God’s job.  (In connection with this conversation with her, I was, (68 or so), asked a question by probably her guardian angel.)
> 
> I applaud and appreciate your attitude.  I have a different one.  Once again we agree to disagree.


Thanks but I’m not that social.  Yeah we might be. 

 I got the adoption speech too. 

It’s probably best if I don’t offer my spiritual beliefs. 

I try my best with my parents because they are my parents and because my sense of guilt for not loving and forgiving them turns to self loathing and self hatred. For some reason I cannot hang on to anger and bitterness for long periods of time without internalizing it. It destroys me.

Short term anger and resentment I can do well; with flying colours even but it doesn’t last.  I wish it could last. I’ve got this super soft spot for my parents .  Perhaps I delude myself because I can’t stand the thought that they really didn’t think that much of me. It hurts too bad. In my mind, I justify their lack of compassion and empathy to not knowing any better. Of course I know they did know better because they managed to treat others with at least some resemblance of respect.

Oddly enough anyone who does know how these people treated me wonder why I keep hanging on. Years ago I was perfectly happy to have a no contact relationship with them but my husband worried that if they died, I’d be haunted forever, plus my brother needed my help.

Most families have grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins and relatives and friends from these relatives who they could take cues from whereas I had none so didn’t really know what was normal and what wasn’t while growing up.

With all that’s happened regarding my parents, I probably should hate them . There are periods where I do but that hatred seems to poison me from within and I end up despising myself. I end up telling myself that they just don’t know how to love or be generous or that I wasn’t worthy of their love but while caring for them found evidence that they could be exceptionally generous; just not to me.

Truth is Anneda, there was a period while I cared for my dad that I seriously considered pushing him down the stairs. The arrogance. sense of entitlement and total lack of gratitude for all I’d done was mind boggling but when he started whacking his cane at me because I’d purchased a bottle of scotch for his neighbour for caring for their personal mail for 25 years got me seeing red so I called him a selfish @sshole. It wound have cost them 2,000 a year to have their mail looked after by Canada post but taking advantage of someone else so they could save money was far more important. Apparently he didn’t give me permission to offer such kindness to this neighbour and this was $60 of his hard earned money.

This is the stuff I can tell you about . There’s so much that happened that I can’t express since it’s so inappropriate. Another thing that weighs heavily on my mind is the negativity others show when you withhold love from your own family. It all adds up to the total feeling of ‘not belonging/damaged/ feeling ostracized.’ While everyone else is sharing all their cute, warm and fuzzy memories , you can’t help but feel like either the oddball or trouble maker. The message being ‘ you weren’t good enough to be loved.’

If my brother hadn’t called me to reunite us 3 years ago then I would never have known they were going senile and needed help but since he did, I couldn’t help but help. I’m pretty sure that was the plan all along since my brother still works. He couldn’t do all the work needed and he knew that so he made a verbal deal with me which he later fully denied. My mom was coherent enough to rub it in that my brother was getting everything. She’d even look directly into my eyes while she said it so she could get the total impact of hurt it caused.

Yeah. There’s something wrong with me when I try and love people who consistently abused me throughout my entire life but I don’t know how to deal with the emotions connected to it all. I’ve even considered sueing them for physical.mental and ****** abuse sense there’s no time limitation . There’s medical records and school records as proof , but again, I’d feel like a total scum bag for even considering it. I’m not sure if it would be liberating helpful or become one more huge factor to feel bad about.

Sometimes I wish I could fully hate them but I’d be hating myself too which I’m all too familiar with already. I don’t know how to handle this.

My brother emailed me the other day.
He’s text me. He called me on my birthday. I said nothing. I don’t want to resent my brother for being their favourite and getting everything my parents ever owned including their house , their possessions  and all their money , but I do. 

I feel torn . I’m not really sure how I feel right now.


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## Keesha

And for the record Aneeda, I don’t disagree with you for how you feel about your parents. Why would I? That’s your business and has nothing to do with me.


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## Aneeda72

Keesha said:


> Thanks but I’m not that social.  Yeah we might be.
> 
> I ‘m not religious so don’t much care about the bible or any other man made theories about God. I already know I’m going to what people refer to as heaven but won’t get into why I know. That’s for a different discussion.
> 
> I try my best with my parents because they are my parents and because my sense of guilt for not loving and forgiving them turns to self loathing and self hatred. For some reason I cannot hang on to anger and bitterness for long periods of time without internalizing it. It destroys me.
> 
> Short term anger and resentment I can do well; with flying colours even but it doesn’t last.  I wish it could last. I’ve got this super soft spot for my parents .  Perhaps I delude myself because I can’t stand the thought that they really didn’t think that much of me. It hurts too bad. In my mind, I justify their lack of compassion and empathy to not knowing any better. Of course I know they did know better because they managed to treat others with at least some resemblance of respect.
> 
> Oddly enough anyone who does know how these people treated me wonder why I keep having on. Years ago I was perfectly happy to have a no contact relationship with them but my husband worried that if they died, I’d be haunted forever, plus my brother needed my help.
> 
> Most families have grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins and relatives and friends from these relatives who they could take cues from whereas I had none so didn’t really know what was normal and what wasn’t while growing up.
> 
> With all that’s happened regarding my parents, I probably should hate them . There are periods where I do but that hatred seems to poison me from within and I end up despising myself. I end up telling myself that they just don’t know how to love or be generous or that I wasn’t worthy of their love but while caring for them found evidence that they could be exceptionally generous; just not to me.
> 
> Truth is Anneda, there was a period while I cared fir my dad that I seriously considered pushing him down the stairs. The arrogance. sense of entitlement and total lack of gratitude for all I’d done was mind boggling but when he started whacking his cane at me because I’d purchased a bottle of scotch for his neighbour for caring for their personal mail for 25 years got me seeing red so I called him a selfish @sshole. It wound have cost them 2,000 a year to have their mail looked after by Canada post but taking advantage of someone rise so they could save money was far more important.
> Apparently he didn’t give me permission to offer such kindness to this neighbour and this was $60 of his hard earned money.
> 
> This is the stuff I can tell you about . There’s so much that happened that I can’t express since it’s so inappropriate. Another thing that weighs heavily on my mind is the negativity others show when you withhold love from your own family. It all adds up to the total feeling of ‘not belonging/damaged/ feeling ostracized.’ While everyone else is sharing all their cute, warm and fuzzy memories , you can’t help but feel like either the oddball or trouble maker. The cute message being ‘ you weren’t good enough to be loved.’
> 
> If my brother hadn’t called me to reunite us 3 years ago then I would never have known they were going senile and needed help but since he did, I couldn’t help but help. I’m pretty sure that was the plan all along since my brother still works. He couldn’t do all the work needed and he knew that so he made a verbal deal with me which he later fully denied. My mom was coherent enough to rub it in that my brother was getting everything. She’d even look directly into my eyes while she said it so she could get the total impact of hurt it caused.
> 
> Yeah. There’s something wrong with me when I try and love people who consistently abused me throughout my entire life but I don’t know how to deal with the emotions connected to it all. I’ve even considered sueing them for physical.mental and ****** abuse sense there’s no time limitation . There’s medical records and school records as proof , but again, I’d feel like a total scum bag for even considering it. I’m not sure if it would be liberating helpful or become one more huge factor to feel bad about.
> 
> Sometimes I wish I could fully hate them but I’d be hating myself too which I’m all too familiar with already. I don’t know how to handle this.
> 
> My brother emailed me the other day.
> He’s text me. He called me on my birthday. I said nothing. I don’t want to resent my brother for being their favourite and getting everything my parents ever owned including their house , their possessions  and all their money , but I do.


My brother is her favorite, they are welcome to each other, lol.  There is nothing wrong with you for caring for your parents. This is common, many foster children refuse to be adopted as they want to be reunited.

My daughter adopted 2 15 year olds.  Both girls, once they were 18 returned to their bio moms.  Both bio moms stole from them and other things occurred.  At 22 years of age, both girls repeatedly turn to their bio moms, are repeated taken advantage of, and repeated rely on my daughter, their adopted mom for help and support.

One of the stupid girls tried to give her baby to her bio mom which landed her in trouble with CPS.  CPS told her if she tired that again baby would be taken away and she would be in big trouble.  She, and baby, now live with my daughter who is in the process of adopting her granddaughter.  Getting baby daddy to sign paperwork is difficult but he will never get this child.

He has two other babies, all by different woman, and avoids child support by not working.

Oh, I get nothing from my mother if she ever dies.  Got nothing from my dad when he died.  Could not care less.  And, though you are not very social, if we lived close together, we would be friends.  .  I can see you saying when I knock on your door, OMG it’s Aneeda again!


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## Aneeda72

Keesha said:


> And for the record Aneeda, I don’t disagree with you for how you feel about your parents. Why would I? That’s your business and has nothing to do with me.


I mean we disagree on other issues


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## Keesha

Aneeda72 said:


> I mean we disagree on other issues


Oh right. I think that’s the different brain factor.


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## Keesha

Aneeda72 said:


> Oh, I get nothing from my mother if she ever dies.  Got nothing from my dad when he died.  Could not care less.  And, though you are not very social, if we lived close together, we would be friends.  .  I can see you saying when I knock on your door, OMG it’s Aneeda again!


I never ever cared about their money or what they had either. In fact the obsession about money I found somewhat shallow. I felt sorry that money took such a high priority in their life. They worshipped it. Money meant everything to them. Maybe that’s why I have considered suing  them. I’d be taking away the very thing they valued the most. 

Trouble is, they wouldn’t even know.  It would have no impact whatsoever.  The fact that I never got a chance to resolve this issue or ask why they felt this way bothers me so much. It frustrates me to know I’ll never get that answer so I’ll continue to make stuff up in my mind to pacify myself. I can’t seem to accept the fact that they can no longer comprehend anything so will never understand or care how I feel. 
Will hating them make me feel better? 

I know I wouldn’t have pushed my dad just like I know I wouldn’t have tried to take their money but it’s thoughts like these that go through my head at times which I find disturbing. It’s so unlike me.Basically I’m tormenting myself with all these unresolved issues. We should be getting a computer soon so hopefully I can get some online counselling.


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## MarciKS

*cracks knuckles* I just know I'm gonna make someone mad. LOL!

I was spanked as a child. *NOT BEATEN!* There's a big difference. I was slapped in the face & verbally abused but, never physically. However, you have to keep in mind that I was quite the handful with Tourette Syndrome and back then we didn't know how to cope with it. We had to tolerate it and deal with it. I think slapping a child in the face is the worst thing you can do. And no child should ever grow up being verbally abused by their parents. 

However, I am glad....yes I said glad...that my parents spanked me. The belt wasn't necessary because the hand worked just as good. But, if my parents wouldn't have spanked me and put that correction into my bad behavior...I would've been a monster.

I'm sorry but, I've seen what today's discipline looks like and I can guarantee you that's why kids are so mouthy and cause so much trouble today. Sitting a child in a corner for time out or counting doesn't do crap. It sends the message that all they're gonna do is make me sit in the corner for a bit. Big deal.

A spanking gets their attn and puts the fear of God in them so it teaches them to behave properly whether they like it or not.

I am thankful my parents cared enough about me to make me behave.

I do however believe that public punishment is uncalled for. Back when we were kids we got a verbal warning. If that didn't work...we stopped whatever we were doing and went home. Then dad dealt with us. We rarely acted up cause dad scared the crap out of us. He never needed to beat us to do it.


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## Aneeda72

MarciKS said:


> *cracks knuckles* I just know I'm gonna make someone mad. LOL!
> 
> I was spanked as a child. *NOT BEATEN!* There's a big difference. I was slapped in the face & verbally abused but, never physically. However, you have to keep in mind that I was quite the handful with Tourette Syndrome and back then we didn't know how to cope with it. We had to tolerate it and deal with it. I think slapping a child in the face is the worst thing you can do. And no child should ever grow up being verbally abused by their parents.
> 
> However, I am glad....yes I said glad...that my parents spanked me. The belt wasn't necessary because the hand worked just as good. But, if my parents wouldn't have spanked me and put that correction into my bad behavior...I would've been a monster.
> 
> I'm sorry but, I've seen what today's discipline looks like and I can guarantee you that's why kids are so mouthy and cause so much trouble today. Sitting a child in a corner for time out or counting doesn't do crap. It sends the message that all they're gonna do is make me sit in the corner for a bit. Big deal.
> 
> A spanking gets their attn and puts the fear of God in them so it teaches them to behave properly whether they like it or not.
> 
> I am thankful my parents cared enough about me to make me behave.
> 
> I do however believe that public punishment is uncalled for. Back when we were kids we got a verbal warning. If that didn't work...we stopped whatever we were doing and went home. Then dad dealt with us. We rarely acted up cause dad scared the crap out of us. He never needed to beat us to do it.


Yes there is a difference between spanking a child and beating a child.  Sometimes there is a place for slapping the face of a teenager, not a child.  No way was my son getting away with calling me the C word.  Since I had never slapped him, that slap got his attention.  He never used the word again, as far as I know.

The thing is adults who were abused as children have to be very very careful about any form of corporal punishment. Just better not to go down that road.


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## MarciKS

My dad was abused. He got close to beating me once. I came home drunk and he decided to take my radio away and I said something flippant and he got this - close to beating me. I recall standing there telling him to do it if he thought he would feel better. I was and still am very defiant about taking a beating from any man.


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## Aneeda72

MarciKS said:


> My dad was abused. He got close to beating me once. I came home drunk and he decided to take my radio away and I said something flippant and he got this - close to beating me. I recall standing there telling him to do it if he thought he would feel better. I was and still am very defiant about taking a beating from any man.


Well, if you are ever in a knock down drag out fight with a man, with you being the one knocked out and dragged out, you might lose the defiant attitude.  I was married before.  During one of our fights, where he fought and I ran, I attempted to push a room divider over on him.  It missed.

He said, “Do you know you could have killed me”?  Well, duh.


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## MarciKS

I would never let a man hit me.


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