# Seniors Who May Be Alone Near the End of Life, Do You Have Some Fears?



## SeaBreeze

Since we don't have children, or any close family near to us, I sometimes think of what would happen if my husband or myself would die, and the other was left on their own.  I can only hope for physical old-age disabilities, because mental ones, like Alzheimer's, would cause a problem for either of us if alone.  

I know that many people pass on while living alone in their golden years.  Sometimes they are discovered by a neighbor or friend, and sometimes they make it to the hospital and pass on there.  Someone living has to see who their next of kin is, etc.

I really don't obsess over it, but the thought certainly does cross my mind.

I really fear not being able to think for myself, or have my husband alone in that state.  Do any seniors here thing about being alone when they need real care or are in the process of passing on?


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## AZ Jim

I have thought of it and should I lose my wife and survive or vice-versa I don't know what would happen.  I honestly try not to think those dark (but very real) thoughts.


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## SeaBreeze

I try not to think about them too much Jim, but when I do I don't know which survivor I'd feel more sorry for, me or hubby.  We're both very close to each other and would be devastated for sure of loss of the other.  I can only hope that either of us will be strong enough to move forward and not have any debilitating mental issues to stand in the way.


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## Jackie22

SeaBreeze said:


> Since we don't have children, or any close family near to us, I sometimes think of what would happen if my husband or myself would die, and the other was left on their own.  I can only hope for physical old-age disabilities, because mental ones, like Alzheimer's, would cause a problem for either of us if alone.  I know that many people pass on while living alone in their golden years.  Sometimes they are discovered by a neighbor or friend, and sometimes they make it to the hospital and pass on there.  Someone living has to see who their next of kin is, etc.I really don't obsess over it, but the thought certainly does cross my mind.I really fear not being able to think for myself, or have my husband alone in that state.  Do any seniors here thing about being alone when they need real care or are in the process of passing on?


Yes, I've thought about it since my husband passed away over 4 yeas ago and like you, SB, I fear getting sick and being alone without anyone to even bring you a drink of water if you needed it, I have recently made a decision to give   my granddaughter and her family enough land to build close to me, they have always wanted to live in the country and I will have help near by, so hopefully it will be a win win for all.


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## grannyjo

I live alone with my dog.  I have no fear of dying - it's inevitable.  

I do have my neighbours,  who may be concerned if they didn't see me go out to my letterbox.  I also volunteer a couple of times a week at a charity shop - I guess they would wonder where I was if I didn't turn up.

No family living close by and phone calls are only once every couple of weeks.

It's not something I worry about though.  Once I'm dead,  it wouldn't be anything to worry about would it?


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## Cookie

I would be awful for someone to be alone and sick without anyone to help.  There is an organization here that provides isolated seniors with regular security calls by volunteers to check on them. I'm one of the volunteers and I phone an elderly lady every couple of days to see how she's doing and chat. She's still pretty spry and sometimes she is out shopping when I call.  

 I live alone but my son lives close by and we speak on the phone frequently, if I needed help he would be there quickly. But it's true, you never know when an an emergency might arise, so a plan should be in place.


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## ndynt

During a couple crises I wondered, if I did not survive, how long before my body would be found...weeks, months?  My situation is rather different now though.


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## Lon

I fully expect to die alone and not remember anything, after all I was really born alone and have no memory of that event or my mother.


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## imp

*"Seniors Who May Be Alone Near the End of Life, Do You Have Some Fears?"

*Yes. I try to often picture Forrest's face when his Mother told him, "Dying's just a part of living".      imp


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## AZ Jim

Here where I live the police have a program where after  you sign up you receive a phone call every day.  If you fail to answer and haven't notified them you would be gone that day, they come out to check.  I also have a special lockbox near the front door so they can come in.


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## jujube

My sisters and I DO have offspring but we don't entertain any notion that there will be any help in our old age coming from _that _direction.  I'd probably be dead three months before my daughter would call and find out, one sister says that her daughter would probably ask her not to die on a weekend because it would seriously impact their entertainment plans and the other one is pretty sure it would take at least a month to find out where her son is attending a concert.


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## applecruncher

When my time comes I only hope it's quick and I'm around people. I don't care if it's at a restaurant, friend/relative's house, or in the checkout line at Kroger. (I try to keep my "in case of" card in my wallet current.) Those stories about someone's neighbor or landlord finding them after several days are so sad.


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## imp

jujube said:


> My sisters and I DO have offspring but we don't entertain any notion that there will be any help in our old age coming from _that _direction.  I'd probably be dead three months before my daughter would call and find out, one sister says that her daughter would probably ask her not to die on a weekend because it would seriously impact their entertainment plans and the other one is pretty sure it would take at least a month to find out where her son is attending a concert.



Same exact attitudes exist in my family. I gotta ask, always, how do adult children become so uncaring? Is it related to the means employed during their upbringing?   imp


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## applecruncher

Re: what jujube and imp said - and often those same people are the first ones trying to find their names on insurance policies or trying to find a Will.


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## Shalimar

Re uncaring adult children. Sometimes the reasons are obvious, abusive, alcoholic, hugely dysfunctional etc. families of origin, tend to produce offspring with issues around bonding with others. However, sometimes good parenting does not produce caring offspring. Some
people are self-referential to the max, living in their own little entitled world--parents are discarded when no longer needed. They never see their parents as people, merely worn-out paper dolls, living beyond their expiry date. Sad. Usually, they pass on this value system to their own children, and end their lives forgotten and alone.


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## Kadee

This poor Sydney woman was not discovered untill 8 years after her death ..
http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/ne...an-sydney-forgot/story-e6freuzi-1226089316996


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## Shalimar

Kadee, that is so sad.


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## ndynt

That is very sad, Kadee.  Hopefully she passed very quickly.   My son laid on his kitchen floor for three days before he was found.  I still agonize over this...wondering how long before death he laid there and if he suffered.


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## hollydolly

ndynt said:


> That is very sad, Kadee.  Hopefully she passed very quickly.   My son laid on his kitchen floor for three days before he was found.  I still agonize over this...wondering how long before death he laid there and if he suffered.



OMG (((nona)))...you've suffered every parents' worst nightmare....oooh jeez, I'm so sorry to hear that, regardless of the fact that you were not to blame, I would imagine you could never ever get the pain of that from your mind, probably blaming yourself......  May I ask how old he was ?


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## Ameriscot

How awful, Nona!


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## Shalimar

Nona, I am so sorry. How horrid.i can't even imagine your pain. Hugs.


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## ndynt

Holly, he was only 45. He was diabetic. Coroner's report/death certificate stated cause of death was Diabetic complications as a result of a flu.


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## Linda

ndynt said:


> That is very sad, Kadee.  Hopefully she passed very quickly.   My son laid on his kitchen floor for three days before he was found.  I still agonize over this...wondering how long before death he laid there and if he suffered.



Nona, that is so sad. You've been through a lot.  I'm glad you share so much of your life with us.


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## Ruthanne

I live with my almost 6 yr. old dog and 6 year old  parakeet.  I was at a get together in front of the apartments last night and one of the guys there was talking about how he hadn't called anyone one day and that quite a few of his neighbors called to see if he was okay.  I was happy for him but at the same time sad that no one does that for me here.  I have brothers and a sister still alive and they don't call.  One does email me occasionally.  I even asked one brother what have I done to you that is so horrible that you don't contact me?  He said it's not me, it's because he just doesn't contact hardly anyone.  Maybe I should try and make a friend or two here who would call me or expect a call from me every day or two.


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## Kadee

ndynt said:


> That is very sad, Kadee.  Hopefully she passed very quickly.   My son laid on his kitchen floor for three days before he was found.  I still agonize over this...wondering how long before death he laid there and if he suffered.


Sorry  to hear about your son , Ndynt , I could never start to imagine how hard it would be to loose a child, even tho he was an adult he was still your child ! SF is a great place to be, it's good to have you here as well ,there are nice sharing, caring members on hand to offer many of us advise or to share your thoughts with


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## Warrigal

Nona, I too am sad for you regarding the circumstances of the loss of your son. If I may, I'll offer this consolation - his last moments may not have been painful and he may very well have died thinking of you and happy memories. I suspect the mind separates itself from the body at times like this and distances itself from pain.



Annie said:


> I live with my almost 6 yr. old dog and 6 year old  parakeet.  I was at a get together in front of the apartments last night and one of the guys there was talking about how he hadn't called anyone one day and that quite a few of his neighbors called to see if he was okay.  I was happy for him but at the same time sad that no one does that for me here.  I have brothers and a sister still alive and they don't call.  One does email me occasionally.  I even asked one brother what have I done to you that is so horrible that you don't contact me?  He said it's not me, it's because he just doesn't contact hardly anyone.  Maybe I should try and make a friend or two here who would call me or expect a call from me every day or two.



Annie, I think you are on the right track here. We need to watch out for one another and establish local networks of watchfulness. 

One of our neighbours, who was something of a recluse and a curmudgeon, disappeared one day. My next door neighbour noticed that his porch light had remained on for several days and nights and she alerted me. We went over but could see nothing. We knew his first name but nothing else about him. Fishing out some mail from his letter box we discovered his surname and started ringing around. We found him in the local hospital where he had been taken after collapsing. We visited him and found out what he needed and he allowed us into his house to get his shaver and other items. This was a big step for him because he was also a miser and highly suspicious of everyone.

After that we kept an eye on him and began to chat. He appreciated the connection and we were also able to contact his two sons whom he had alienated years before. We gave them reports of his welfare  and eventually there was some reconnection with one of them. This continued until after his death when the property was eventually sold.

I sometimes think about this for myself. I have children and grand children not too far away but it is the neighbours who observe our comings and goings. They see the outside lights go on and off and the washing on the line. They see the cars going in and out of the garage. They are likely to quickly notice if something is different. I don't always close the living room vertical venetians in the evening and I can be seen in my house watching TV. That doesn't worry me one bit.

When we go on holidays we always let the neighbours know so it is unlikely that if I disappeared for any length of time without notice, someone might come looking for me. They do the same when they go away and someone always knows what is going on.

As our long term neighbours have moved away, we have made ourselves known to the new residents and have helped them to settle in. A generation younger than us, they also watch over us, even though we don't chat every day.


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## ndynt

Thank you all for your kind words.  I guess I did not communicate my intent of sharing the sadness of dying alone well, when I wrote of my son.  How horrible it must be to die, laying alone and helpless.... 
 Having spent so many years with Hospice, I have attended so many deaths.   Yet, the only ones that I still think about was a man that refused any help, other than a nurse every few days. Concerned about him, after my visit. Though there were not any signs of imminent death, going back after my work day ended. Having to call the police to break in, when I could not get a response.  Finding him dead, lying in his own waste, felt what could I have done different.  What a horrible way to leave this earth. 
 The other was alone spiritually, after a long life of alcohol abuse, unable to make amends with her family.  The most agonizing death I have ever witnessed.  Rivaled Dante's Inferno.  Still haunts me, after all these years.   
This sounds so morbid.  Should not...for, death is a part of life.  Just as birth is and I have seen so many beautiful passings and births.  May we all experience the ideal death....pass quietly and calmly, in our sleep.


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## Debby

jujube said:


> My sisters and I DO have offspring but we don't entertain any notion that there will be any help in our old age coming from _that _direction.  I'd probably be dead three months before my daughter would call and find out, one sister says that her daughter would probably ask her not to die on a weekend because it would seriously impact their entertainment plans and the other one is pretty sure it would take at least a month to find out where her son is attending a concert.




Not as funny as your usual comments jujube.  

So what have you and your sisters decided to do to deal with 'infantile apathy' and 'mommy neglect'?

My intent is to follow my youngest daughter and wherever she is living at the time, I'll be somewhere near by.  Fortunately we have a great relationship so I'm pretty sure she won't move when she hears I'm coming layful:  

But aside from that relationship, I fully intend to start looking into seniors homes when I'm about 75 and picking one or two to put my name in with them.  And when the time comes that they have a space and I have a need, I'll move one more time.  That way if I don't show up for breakfast one morning, someone will be at my door before lunch.  I've moved so many times and learned to get along wherever I am, that it won't be a big deal at all to me.


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## Shalimar

My nephew is overseas with Doctors Without Borders, and my son far too involved with his own life to be overly concerned with mine. I doubt it occurs to him to be there for me. I have informed both my children of my intent to end my life long before I become a burden to myself and others, given the opportunity of course.


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## Linda

Jackie22 said:


> Yes, I've thought about it since my husband passed away over 4 yeas ago and like you, SB, I fear getting sick and being alone without anyone to even bring you a drink of water if you needed it, I have recently made a decision to give   my granddaughter and her family enough land to build close to me, they have always wanted to live in the country and I will have help near by, so hopefully it will be a win win for all.


Jackie, that sounds like a smart idea to me.  Have you done it yet?  What does your granddaughter think about the idea of living by you?


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## Underock1

Dying  alone doesn't bother me a bit. I'm kind of hoping for it. What does worry me, is having them find me and drag me off into the system. Not interested in having a zillion tests and treatments done so that I can stagger on for another few months or so.
"Ive fallen and I can't get up! Oh its comfy down here. Time for a little nappy".


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## Linda

My mom and her mom both died the same way, alone and on the couch.  I told my kids I plan to go the same way, probably when their dad is off fishing.  I am one who doesn't think I'd mind dying alone.


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## Underock1

Linda said:


> My mom and her mom both died the same way, alone and on the couch.  I told my kids I plan to go the same way, probably when their dad is off fishing.  I am one who doesn't think I'd mind dying alone.



Oh wow! The best way possible. I hope your genes come through when the time comes.


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## Linda

Thanks Underrock1, I hope so too.


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## Shalimar

The women in my family live to be very old, and slide peacefully into comas before dying, or pass in their sleep. Sounds great to me. But not yet! When my mother was comatose and dying, I sensed she was afraid to leave me, so I sang to her for a long time, telling her how much I loved her. I told her it was ok to let go, and she tucked her head into her neck like a little bird preparing for sleep, and died. It was a beautiful death, all the more so because she had so feared dying alone. When, shortly after her death, I shared this experience  with a friend at the pharmacy, I noticed an elderly lady paying close attention to our conversation.  Later, she came up to me, and with tears in her eyes, stated she hoped she could leave this world as my mother did. That was it, we both cried. She and I became friends, sharing much until she died last year. Her only daughter could not get here in time, so I sang my friend to sleep. Eek, now I am crying.


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## SifuPhil

Linda said:


> My mom and her mom both died the same way, alone and on the couch.  I told my kids I plan to go the same way, probably when their dad is off fishing.  I am one who doesn't think I'd mind dying alone.



"They" say that we're born alone and die alone, and spend most of our lives that way. I hope to die alone - much more dignified.


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## Underock1

Shalimar said:


> The women in my family live to be very old, and slide peacefully into comas before dying, or pass in their sleep. Sounds great to me. But not yet! When my mother was comatose and dying, I sensed she was afraid to leave me, so I sang to her for a long time, telling her how much I loved her. I told her it was ok to let go, and she tucked her head into her neck like a little bird preparing for sleep, and died. It was a beautiful death, all the more so because she had so feared dying alone. When, shortly after her death, I shared this experience  with a friend at the pharmacy, I noticed an elderly lady paying close attention to our conversation.  Later, she came up to me, and with tears in her eyes, stated she hoped she could leave this world as my mother did. That was it, we both cried. She and I became friends, sharing much until she died last year. Her only daughter could not get here in time, so I sang my friend to sleep. Eek, now I am crying.



A great story. I hope the day is far off, but that you go as easy as your mother when the time comes. You're a good person, Shali. There is something special about singing to people towards the end. When our only contact was by phone,
I started singing to Eleanor. It started out as just one song that I had written for her years ago. She enjoyed it so much that I started adding others,modifying the lyrics to suit us. A lot of upbeat songs. Made her laugh. Good memories from a hard time.


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## Underock1

SifuPhil said:


> "They" say that we're born alone and die alone, and spend most of our lives that way. I hope to die alone - much more dignified.



Same here, Phil. Unlike others here, I hope they _don't:stop:_ find me for three days.


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## Shalimar

Thanks for the kind words Underock. I think you have a huge heart, and gave your wife a wonderfully happy ending to her "song." precious memories. I am glad that you have chosen to enrich our lives here on the forum. I consider it a privilege to be in contact with a gentleman of your calibre. Salut!


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## Underock1

Shalimar said:


> Thanks for the kind words Underock. I think you have a huge heart, and gave your wife a wonderfully happy ending to her "song." precious memories. I am glad that you have chosen to enrich our lives here on the forum. I consider it a privilege to be in contact with a gentleman of your calibre. Salut!



Thank you for those very kind words, Shalimar. There are many on here that are far superior human beings than I. 
I do miss my wife terribly. Not many people left for me to talk to, so I kind of pour it out here. Hate to be a tear jerker. I'm basically a happy guy. Being a Senior forum, a lot of the topics kind of pull the trigger on me, and I feel compelled to share my experience. I appreciate the many compassionate ears


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## Linda

Shalimar and Underrock1, I am very touched by your stories.  Thank you for sharing them.  I had never thought about singing to a person who is passing on.  I have heard of telling them it's OK to leave.  So far I've never been with anyone as they were dying.


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## Warrigal

Shalimar said:


> The women in my family live to be very old, and slide peacefully into comas before dying, or pass in their sleep. Sounds great to me. But not yet! When my mother was comatose and dying, I sensed she was afraid to leave me, so I sang to her for a long time, telling her how much I loved her. I told her it was ok to let go, and she tucked her head into her neck like a little bird preparing for sleep, and died. It was a beautiful death, all the more so because she had so feared dying alone. When, shortly after her death, I shared this experience  with a friend at the pharmacy, I noticed an elderly lady paying close attention to our conversation.  Later, she came up to me, and with tears in her eyes, stated she hoped she could leave this world as my mother did. That was it, we both cried. She and I became friends, sharing much until she died last year. Her only daughter could not get here in time, so I sang my friend to sleep. Eek, now I am crying.


I spent a lot of time at the bedside of my mother and auntie as they were dying but wouldn't you know, both of them waited until I had to leave, then they slipped away. I was back just minutes later and they were gone. I don't begrudge them their self sufficiency. Our women are like that. I might be too when my time comes.


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## hollydolly

Annie said:


> I live with my almost 6 yr. old dog and 6 year old  parakeet.  I was at a get together in front of the apartments last night and one of the guys there was talking about how he hadn't called anyone one day and that quite a few of his neighbors called to see if he was okay.  I was happy for him but at the same time sad that no one does that for me here.  I have brothers and a sister still alive and they don't call.  One does email me occasionally.  I even asked one brother what have I done to you that is so horrible that you don't contact me?  He said it's not me, it's because he just doesn't contact hardly anyone. * Maybe I should try and make a friend or two here who would call me or expect a call from me every day or two.*




Why not do that?...If I wasn't in the UK I'd be your phone buddy... I think that's a great idea..


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## charlotta

Jackie, you have made a wise decision.  I would ask if they could call every am to check on you.  I have not made a request, but a neighbor calls me every morning to check on me and if I haven't heard from her,  I call her. Also my daughter calls me every day from North Carolina.  If I don't ans, she calls my cell.  I guess she would notify my brother who lives nearby. if I didn't and she would call my brother.  I feel quite comfortable and don't think of it as an intrusion.


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## Jackie22

Linda said:


> Jackie, that sounds like a smart idea to me.  Have you done it yet?  What does your granddaughter think about the idea of living by you?



Hi, Linda, yes, I have gave the grandchildren the land and they are getting their loan and surveying done.

My granddaughter has always wanted to live out here, but I've put it off because I was unsure if I wanted to stay here or move to town until recently when I decided to stay put. They are all excited and making lots of plans and I've got caught up in their plans and am looking forward to having them here.


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## Jackie22

charlotta said:


> Jackie, you have made a wise decision.  I would ask if they could call every am to check on you.  I have not made a request, but a neighbor calls me every morning to check on me and if I haven't heard from her,  I call her. Also my daughter calls me every day from North Carolina.  If I don't ans, she calls my cell.  I guess she would notify my brother who lives nearby. if I didn't and she would call my brother.  I feel quite comfortable and don't think of it as an intrusion.



Thank you, Charlotta, its good that your neighbor checks on you and you her everyday.  My mother is 94 and still living in her house, I check on her every day too. There comes a day when we all realize we need help.


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## lb1818

I'm new to the forum - but just wanted to say what a great group of people you all are.   So many thoughtful, sensitive stories and responses.   It's a serious subject and it was heartwarming to read.
Lu


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## AZ Jim

Under, you are a lovely man.  I am proud to be a friend, I hope.


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## Underock1

AZ Jim said:


> Under, you are a lovely man.  I am proud to be a friend, I hope.



Thank you, Jim. I do consider you so. I often find you speaking my very thought. I return the compliment.


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## Debby

Just catching up on the comments here and I was wondering how many of you would fill out something to leave with your doctors/family/will that lays out how you want to have your medical treatment handled if they find you on the floor or couch or wherever and you haven't passed yet?

In Canada the Dying With Dignity association has written Advance Care Planning Kits, available for each province, that ask you to answer a series of questions so that your loved ones can know what you want as far as treatment and life support and such.  My husband and I both have ours completed and filed with our will and have told our daughters that they are there.  We really should send them copies I guess.  But for anyone that wants to take a look here's a link:  http://www.dyingwithdignity.ca/download_your_advance_care_planning_kit

Just clicking on one of the provinces named in the list in the centre of the page would open one up.


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## ndynt

Debby said:


> Just catching up on the comments here and I was wondering how many of you would fill out something to leave with your doctors/family/will that lays out how you want to have your medical treatment handled if they find you on the floor or couch or wherever and you haven't passed yet?
> 
> In Canada the Dying With Dignity association has written Advance Care Planning Kits, available for each province, that ask you to answer a series of questions so that your loved ones can know what you want as far as treatment and life support and such.  My husband and I both have ours completed and filed with our will and have told our daughters that they are there.  We really should send them copies I guess.  But for anyone that wants to take a look here's a link:  http://www.dyingwithdignity.ca/download_your_advance_care_planning_kit
> 
> Just clicking on one of the provinces named in the list in the centre of the page would open one up.


"5 Wishes" is a similar document in the US.  https://www.agingwithdignity.org/five-wishes.php  Also, if you sign a out of hospital DNR, there is a yellow sheet that instructs you to place it on your refrigerator. (at least it was the yellow sheet when I still worked) All emergency medical personnel are trained to look for this, if on a rescue call.


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## Underock1

Debby said:


> Just catching up on the comments here and I was wondering how many of you would fill out something to leave with your doctors/family/will that lays out how you want to have your medical treatment handled if they find you on the floor or couch or wherever and you haven't passed yet?
> 
> In Canada the Dying With Dignity association has written Advance Care Planning Kits, available for each province, that ask you to answer a series of questions so that your loved ones can know what you want as far as treatment and life support and such.  My husband and I both have ours completed and filed with our will and have told our daughters that they are there.  We really should send them copies I guess.  But for anyone that wants to take a look here's a link:  http://www.dyingwithdignity.ca/download_your_advance_care_planning_kit
> 
> Just clicking on one of the provinces named in the list in the centre of the page would open one up.



We both had Advanced Directives and Power of Attorneys filled out long ago. I actually used my wife's. Her early onset dementia proceeded rapidly in her last few days and she never knew she was dying. When they found a tumor on her colon, it was time to end things. Being a diabetic on dialysis, it was simply a matter of ceasing the dialysis. Thankfully, its an easy way to go. Life presents us with hard choices sometimes. I remember thinking her death would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me, while carrying the paper in my pocket giving me permission to hasten it. My son has my directives and POA, and knows that when the time comes I want out as quickly and simply as possible.


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## Manatee

AZ Jim said:


> Here where I live the police have a program where after  you sign up you receive a phone call every day.  If you fail to answer and haven't notified them you would be gone that day, they come out to check.  I also have a special lockbox near the front door so they can come in.



The Maricopa County Sheriff runs that or a similar program. It is called R.U.O.K.  It has helped many folks who are down and can't get up to phone for help.  From time to time someone is found that never signed up and has died a slow death alone on the floor.


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## Butterfly

Debby said:


> Just catching up on the comments here and I was wondering how many of you would fill out something to leave with your doctors/family/will that lays out how you want to have your medical treatment handled if they find you on the floor or couch or wherever and you haven't passed yet?
> 
> In Canada the Dying With Dignity association has written Advance Care Planning Kits, available for each province, that ask you to answer a series of questions so that your loved ones can know what you want as far as treatment and life support and such.  My husband and I both have ours completed and filed with our will and have told our daughters that they are there.  We really should send them copies I guess.  But for anyone that wants to take a look here's a link:  http://www.dyingwithdignity.ca/download_your_advance_care_planning_kit
> 
> Just clicking on one of the provinces named in the list in the centre of the page would open one up.



I've already done this, as have most of my friends.    Different form, I'm sure, but the same intent.  I don't want a bunch of tubes prolonging my life when there's no hope of meaningful recovery.   Besides which, I don't want friends and family to agonize over making such decisions -- I've already made them.


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## Pookie

I'm not afraid, but I have everything in place. When and if I am unable to care for myself, my husband will hire folks to help me here at home. If it gets really bad, we have my retirement and all my investments to take care of me in a nursing facility.

He and my family knows if I am leaving us they will be here. I won't pass alone, which is so nice. If I go quickly, that's not so bad. That might be easier on them. 

I visit seniors in a rest home here. I visit the ones who have no one. I bring them flowers, cookies, and gifts. Some of them have passed alone, found by a nurse. My Dad passed that way. I kissed him good-night, made sure he was tucked in and his last words to me was, "I love you, Joyce. I'll see you tomorrow."

He just went to sleep. I hope I do that!


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## Shalimar

I have everything organised also. My family is aware that when assisted suicide becomes legal next year, provisions will be made to include that option. I will "go gently into that good night."


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## Underock1

Pookie said:


> I'm not afraid, but I have everything in place. When and if I am unable to care for myself, my husband will hire folks to help me here at home. If it gets really bad, we have my retirement and all my investments to take care of me in a nursing facility.
> 
> He and my family knows if I am leaving us they will be here. I won't pass alone, which is so nice. If I go quickly, that's not so bad. That might be easier on them.
> 
> I visit seniors in a rest home here. I visit the ones who have no one. I bring them flowers, cookies, and gifts. Some of them have passed alone, found by a nurse. My Dad passed that way. I kissed him good-night, made sure he was tucked in and his last words to me was, "I love you, Joyce. I'll see you tomorrow."
> 
> He just went to sleep. I hope I do that!



Very nice, Pookie. I hope you do that too, but not quite yet.


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## Underock1

Shalimar said:


> I have everything organised also. My family is aware that when assisted suicide becomes legal next year, provisions will be made to include that option. I will "go gently into that good night."



Good for you, Shali. Its a great poem, but I could never see the point in "raging against the dying of the light". The inevitable will happen regardless of how much you kick and scream. Why make everyone around you miserable in the process.


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## Shalimar

Thanks Underock, I agree. Loved ones  will grieve enough as it is. I am so grateful to have been a part of my mother's and a   Friend's beautiful deaths.


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## Pookie

I hope I go suddenly. But if I become ill and at the end, I hope I'll have the time to say to my loved ones, "Thank you for being in my life."


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## ndynt

On my last visit my cardiologist told me that my heart stops beating every once in awhile.   Think I shocked him when I said wonderful.  What a wonderful way to go...if one day it does not restart itself.


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## Underock1

ndynt said:


> On my last visit my cardiologist told me that my heart stops beating every once in awhile.   Think I shocked him when I said wonderful.  What a wonderful way to go...if one day it does not restart itself.



I like the way you think, Nona. Your my kind of person. I can hear myself saying exactly that in the same situation.
Don't leave before I do, though. :wave:


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## Keesha

SeaBreeze said:


> Since we don't have children, or any close family near to us, I sometimes think of what would happen if my husband or myself would die, and the other was left on their own.  I can only hope for physical old-age disabilities, because mental ones, like Alzheimer's, would cause a problem for either of us if alone.
> 
> I know that many people pass on while living alone in their golden years.  Sometimes they are discovered by a neighbor or friend, and sometimes they make it to the hospital and pass on there.  Someone living has to see who their next of kin is, etc.
> 
> I really don't obsess over it, but the thought certainly does cross my mind.
> 
> I really fear not being able to think for myself, or have my husband alone in that state.  Do any seniors here thing about being alone when they need real care or are in the process of passing on?



I think of this often, especially now that I’m caring for my parents. 
We have no children either so I sometimes worry about us. How will we manage? 
We have plenty of nieces & nephews. I can worry myself sink thinking about this. 
My husband’s younger than me by 5 years but I’m in much better health than him. 
My parents have health care workers who come in and help them care for themselves, do general housework and sometimes cook for them. It’s a great service so that gives me hope because there will be more options once we get that age.


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## WhatInThe

I know families where for what ever reason a very by the book widow has basically chased away her children. They either want nothing to do with them or the other children although giving perfunctory visits haven't made themselves the most available children in the world They are also starting to alienate extended family. After a medical event nieces, nephews and friends helped them out more than their children. They are so ready for the end they've pre arranged everything even having their grave stone engraved minus one date.


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