# The "Granny suite"... anyone living in a semi-detached unit with a child or relative?



## AlbertC (Mar 21, 2012)

I have a son who owns a beautiful downtown victorian home that was divided by the pervious owners into two suites: the main home, but then a semi-detached extension with its own private entrance, kitchen, washroom, etc. My son rents the suite to students, but has suggested a few times that after some rennovations I might someday like to live there. 

I'm enjoying my condominium at the moment (my son's house is nice, but it doesn't have an indoor pool!) but can't decide how I would feel about this. 

My son is quite easygoing, I don't think the arrangement would be difficult or patronizing, but, well, you know, there's a bit of a stigma to the "granny suite", I think. Has anyone else been thinking about this as well?


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## Bill.K (Mar 21, 2012)

I am in a similar position. I live in an apartment complex that is really close to a bus terminal so it is quite convenient for getting to the doctors, grocery store, or anywhere I need to go. However my financial standing is not the best so that would be the main reason I would move in with my daughter. It would also be great as I would see my grandson much more often and be able to help her around the house.

 I personally haven't thought what society says about my living situation, but, in all honesty, I am seventy-two and really gotten past how others see me. I have done my service to my family, my country, and now it is my time to relax and enjoy all that I have accomplished.


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## AlbertC (Mar 21, 2012)

It would certainly be nice to re-connect with family as "neighbours", I agree!


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## phughes (Mar 23, 2012)

I'd think about it carefully. Once you move in, you're not apt to move back out. And if you use the heated pool and other amenities -- and aren't lonely or cash strapped -- it may just be that now's not the time. I might tell my son, "Let's revisit this in X amount of time. It's a good idea, but not just yet." He'll be happy you are taking the offer seriously and you'll maintain some privacy and freedom until you want to release it.


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## NSRob (Apr 4, 2012)

My brother moved in with my nephew a few years ago after the death of his wife.  His situation is a bit different - shared kitchen/private living/bath/bedroom areas.  They have always got along well, but there have been a few times where he says that he misses living on his own.  I would really have to say that it probably depends on how well you get along in the first place.


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## Rainee (Aug 8, 2013)

I`m thinking the same answer as phughes has said in the post.. its an excellent idea but timing is not right time yet.. maybe look at the option in a year or two .. its really better all round to keep your independence as long as you can, as long as your not lonely and can manage ok on your own ... thats my idea ...


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## JustBonee (Aug 8, 2013)

Rainee said:


> I`m thinking the same answer as phughes has said in the post.. its an excellent idea but timing is not right time yet.. maybe look at the option in a year or two ..* its really better all round to keep your independence as long as you can, as long as your not lonely and can manage ok on your own *... thats my idea ...



Yes to all of that Rainee.   I am there right now,  and I understand the mental challenges ahead, being alone.  Hope it's _years _before I feel overwhelmed by my living situation ... large home, big yard, pool, animals, everyday maintenance that all used to be shared until my husband's recent death..     For now, I can face it all,  and don't want my kids to feel obligated or worried about things.  They are super,  and jump in with help at the slightest  mention of any problem.   But they need to live their lives, and I want to live mine - separately, as long as possible.   
 Senior Power ..:yeah:


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## Jillaroo (Aug 8, 2013)

_I sold my beautiful 4 bedroom home and moved 1200kms to buy a home with my daughter and her husband that included a granny flat, i was going to live in it, due to the son in law's childish antics i am now living in a villa in a holiday park and very unhappy and isolated, so a big lesson learned  never move for your kids do what you want to do, bugger the kids._


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## JustBonee (Aug 9, 2013)

Jillaroo said:


> _I sold my beautiful 4 bedroom home and moved 1200kms to buy a home with my daughter and her husband that included a granny flat, i was going to live in it, due to the son in law's childish antics i am now living in a villa in a holiday park and very unhappy and isolated, so a big lesson learned  never move for your kids do what you want to do, bugger the kids._


 
So sorry it turned out that way Jillaroo. ..it's not fair .. they can't feel your heartache until it's their turn.

I think making any life changes needs to be done very slowly, and thought through to the umpteenth degree, if at all possible.


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## Jillaroo (Aug 9, 2013)

_Thanks Boos Mum, i learnt a valuable lesson, but karma is a b..ch_


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## rkunsaw (Aug 9, 2013)

I don't have anyone in my family I want to be THAT close to. Maybe in the same town, but at least far enough away to have my own space.

The closest family we have now is 75 miles away. That's close enough.


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## Faith (Nov 14, 2018)

I think it very generous and considerate of your son to offer. Only you can decide if this would be good for you but whatever you do, do not let the idea of a stigma play any part in your decision..who cares what others may think, it is your life not theirs. 

At a certain age we need to give up worrying about others opinions and do what is best for us. 
Good luck and God Bless your son..not all kids would be so accommodating..


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## Keesha (Nov 14, 2018)

I’d just like to point out that this thread is 6 years old.


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## terry123 (Nov 14, 2018)

I have a friend whose son built a very nice apartment over their garage with a chair lift. She is 88 and loves being with the grands as they visit her during their comings and goings.  She has her privacy and eats with them when she wants to and stays in her apartment when she wants to. It works for them.


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## MeAgain (Nov 30, 2018)

Hope to be on our own till the end. Of course that means one of us will likely be alone so still thinking of that.


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## MeAgain (Nov 30, 2018)

We just stayed in what I call 'the old crows nest' detachment at my daughters last week for Thanksgiving. SIL said it was for us or his mother, I just smiled and said I'm fixing up the old camper. It is a 1.3 million dollar home.
 Don't plan on that being on the bucket list place to kick the bucket. 
 We do love em but don't want to be tied down there.


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## Marie5656 (Nov 30, 2018)

*One of my old work supervisors lived in a "granny" apartment attached to her sons house.  She paid rent, had her own entrance, laundry room and all.  It helped she got along well with both her son and DIL, and in fact they would all do Sunday dinner a couple times a month. She and DIL would share cooking . At the time there were no plans for it to be forever.  She had always said when the time came she had trouble caring for herself, she would probably move to assisted living, or something.*


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## RadishRose (Nov 30, 2018)

I would love an ln-law apt. like Marie describes. No bother to anyone, but good company now and then and be helpful.


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## Linda (Dec 1, 2018)

I've had a standing offer for my own apartment on 8 acres out in the country, 22 miles from a large city.  But it's in Europe where I don't speak the language and I'd like to be in the city in my declining years.  My other 2 children have both invited me to live with them if I need/want to but I think I tend to get on people's nerves and hope I can stay on my own till I pass away.


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## treeguy64 (Feb 9, 2019)

There's alone, and then there's ALONE! I believe that living in the same house as my daughter's family might be OK for me, one of these days, as long as I could come and go as I please, have my own bathroom, my own kitchenette, which could be a small refrigerator, microwave and hot plate on a counter. Hopefully, my life will see me and the gf staying in our house until we leave this world, but you never know.


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## hollydolly (Feb 9, 2019)

My Daughter says that she will build a granny annexe on her house for me  if I end up alone... and although it sounds nice in practice,  I love my daughter, and I'd always have someone to be there in an Emergency, I'm not sure I'd like it tho' , she's wayyyy too bossy....


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## C'est Moi (Feb 9, 2019)

I have no interest in that arrangement at this time, but who knows what the future holds.   My son has a nice place of 22 acres near Austin; he has full hookups installed for when we visit in our motorhome.   That may come in handy some day.


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## twinkles (Feb 9, 2019)

i made the mistake of moving in with my kids---i dont have my own room i have to sleep in the living room--i sold my mobile home several years ago and the  people who  bought it wanted to move in right away so i moved in with my daughter and s il--worse  move i ever made my daughter and i get along fine--now i cant find anything i can afford--i am stuck


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## Linda (Feb 10, 2019)

I'm sorry Twinkles but at lest you and your daughter get along OK.  Do you get on ok with your SIL?


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## hollydolly (Feb 10, 2019)

twinkles said:


> i made the mistake of moving in with my kids---i dont have my own room i have to sleep in the living room--i sold my mobile home several years ago and the  people who  bought it wanted to move in right away so i moved in with my daughter and s il--worse  move i ever made my daughter and i get along fine--now i cant find anything i can afford--i am stuck




Oh no, that must be very awkward sleeping in the living room of your daughters' home twinkles ... I hope you can find something else soon


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## GeorgiaXplant (Feb 10, 2019)

Twinkles, you've probably already done this, but if not, at least get yourself on a waiting list for subsidized living for seniors!

I live in a granny flat attached to my DD's house. What's that "stigma" that the OP referred to? I had no idea there was a "stigma" to living in a granny flat. I'm fine here with a bedroom, sitting room, bath, full kitchen, my own heating/cooling systems, my own entrance. I NEVER insert myself into their day-to-day lives, their problems, or anything else. I ONLY give advice or opinions when asked and not always then! When I want company, there's company to be had. When I want to be alone, I can be alone. DD and her family live their own lives in their home; I live mine in my home.

I contribute every month toward my share of utility bills and groceries. Groceries because we often share meals. Rent, as such, no. I paid to have the flat built, and they'll benefit by the increased value of their home when the time comes eventually to sell.

"Semi-detached" sort of describes not just the living quarters, but the "life" quarters as well. The words to Kenny Rogers' song The Gambler, cover living with family well: You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away.

So...make darned sure you know what you're getting into, that you'll still have your own independent life, and that you can MYOB and that they can, too! ​


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## C'est Moi (Feb 10, 2019)

twinkles said:


> i made the mistake of moving in with my kids---i dont have my own room i have to sleep in the living room--i sold my mobile home several years ago and the  people who  bought it wanted to move in right away so i moved in with my daughter and s il--worse  move i ever made my daughter and i get along fine--now i cant find anything i can afford--i am stuck



Twinkles--have you contacted the Housing Authority?   (I'm originally from GA and my uncle used to be affiliated with the GHA, which assists people with lower income housing.)


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## twinkles (Feb 10, 2019)

i filled out an application 7 years ago and i am still waiting---i wanted to stay  on this part of town  i drive on this side of town but the other parts are too crowed-i get along with my sil i dont talk to him not unless i have to


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## C'est Moi (Feb 10, 2019)

twinkles said:


> i filled out an application 7 years ago and i am still waiting---i wanted to stay  on this part of town  i drive on this side of town but the other parts are too crowed-i get along with my sil i dont talk to him not unless i have to



Contact your local representative's office and see if they can help.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Feb 10, 2019)

twinkles said:


> i filled out an application 7 years ago and i am still waiting---i wanted to stay  on this part of town  i drive on this side of town but the other parts are too crowed-i get along with my sil i dont talk to him not unless i have to



Say yes that you've kept in touch and called (again and again) to see where you are on the waiting list! The squeaky wheel gets the grease. If you applied and have not been in touch since, it's not likely that you'll ever hear from them. Ask and ask and ask. Frequently.


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## Catlady (Mar 16, 2019)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> I live in a granny flat attached to my DD's house.  I'm fine here with a bedroom, sitting room, bath, full kitchen, my own heating/cooling systems, my own entrance. I NEVER insert myself into their day-to-day lives, their problems, or anything else. I ONLY give advice or opinions when asked and not always then! When I want company, there's company to be had. When I want to be alone, I can be alone. DD and her family live their own lives in their home; I live mine in my home.



I agree with everything you said and I envy your living arrangement.  I would love something like that too, BUT I don't really like my SIL and I don't like my daughter's family's lifestyle of living beyond their means and mooching off (both) set of parents.  I know I would be unhappy being aware of most every drama going on in their chaotic lives.  I'm hoping to stay in my paid-off home and using their inheritance to pay for hired help to keep me living independently until I die.  She can have whatever is left but I am done helping them get out of financial problems.


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## bearcat (Mar 19, 2020)

AlbertC said:


> I have a son who owns a beautiful downtown victorian home that was divided by the pervious owners into two suites: the main home, but then a semi-detached extension with its own private entrance, kitchen, washroom, etc. My son rents the suite to students, but has suggested a few times that after some rennovations I might someday like to live there.
> 
> I'm enjoying my condominium at the moment (my son's house is nice, but it doesn't have an indoor pool!) but can't decide how I would feel about this.
> 
> My son is quite easygoing, I don't think the arrangement would be difficult or patronizing, but, well, you know, there's a bit of a stigma to the "granny suite", I think. Has anyone else been thinking about this as well?



The situations in which people are least likely to have a formal written understanding
often turn out to be those that need them most.  People change, things happen.  Life and personalities
are not predictable, no matter what past experience suggests.

You're incredibly lucky to even have this option!  So many living in tents or homeless shelters.

As for an indoor pool, aren't there other options?  Membership at a health club?  Perhaps
you could visit as a "guest" of one of your former condo nighbors after you move?


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## bearcat (Mar 19, 2020)

Catlady said:


> I agree with everything you said and I envy your living arrangement.  I would love something like that too, BUT I don't really like my SIL and I don't like my daughter's family's lifestyle of living beyond their means and mooching off (both) set of parents.  I know I would be unhappy being aware of most every drama going on in their chaotic lives.  I'm hoping to stay in my paid-off home and using their inheritance to pay for hired help to keep me living independently until I die.  She can have whatever is left but I am done helping them get out of financial problems.



My brother got a large lump sum of cash, and was being pestered for "loans" from friends he knew would never repay him.
Simple solution.  I told him, "when dave asks you again for money, tell him that you will match whatever loan he can get from anyone else."
Since dave is a well known deadbeat, this shuts up dave.

The kids ave grown up in a world where wages have not kept up with the cost of living. Inflation, student loan debt, recessions, outsourcing, bank bailouts, chaos.   And a world with a lot more temptations and stresses.  Shitty job, shitty boss, so why NOT buy clothes and whatever on a credit card to feel better for a while?  not saying it is okay, just that it's understandable.


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