# Newly widowed and trying to move on alone



## Shirleymc (Jun 2, 2022)

My husband just passed away unexpectedly and I am now alone. It is so quiet now and I turn around to say something to him and he is not there. I am sad and mad and scared. I have never really lived alone much. I am not sure how to move on from here.


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## HoneyNut (Jun 2, 2022)

I'm sorry for your loss Shirley.  It does sound like quite a change.  I've never been married but used to live with my mom and daughter and had lots of animals, but over the years it all changed, my mom died, my daughter grew up and moved out, and all the animals died until there only remained me and a cat.  Then I retired and decided to sell everything and travel in a nomadic way.  So I started doing that last Friday.  Not recommending it but maybe you would like now to move someplace else and do something you always wanted to do?


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## JonSR77 (Jun 2, 2022)

Shirleymc said:


> My husband just passed away unexpectedly and I am now alone. It is so quiet now and I turn around to say something to him and he is not there. I am sad and mad and scared. I have never really lived alone much. I am not sure how to move on from here.



If there someone you can talk with, to help you get through this? A minister? A counselor?

very very sorry about your loss.

take care...


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## Happy Heart (Jun 2, 2022)

Shirleymc said:


> My husband just passed away unexpectedly and I am now alone. It is so quiet now and I turn around to say something to him and he is not there. I am sad and mad and scared. I have never really lived alone much. I am not sure how to move on from here.


Please reach out to someone near you.  What you are feeling is normal but no need to walk that path alone.  There are many support groups online but I think talking to someone face to face is more beneficial. 
Peace, it will get easier as time goes by.


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## Geezer Garage (Jun 2, 2022)

My condolences on the loss of your husband. I can imagine it will be very hard for a time, but it may also be, as Lou Reed sang "the beginning of a great adventure". Welcome to the forum, and I hope that this place brings you some comfort, and amusement. I know it does for me.


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## dseag2 (Jun 2, 2022)

Yes, please reach out to someone you are close to.  And please feel free to share a little bit about yourself and even about your time with your husband to those of us in Senior Forums if it helps.  We are a caring group here, and sometimes it is cathartic to just "unload".  There are some amazing people here.


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## JonSR77 (Jun 2, 2022)

Happy Heart said:


> Please reach out to someone near you.  What you are feeling is normal but no need to walk that path alone.  There are many support groups online but I think talking to someone face to face is more beneficial.
> Peace, it will get easier as time goes by.



I agree.  Online can be a bit of support.  But getting support in the real world is much, much, much better.


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## Jan14 (Jun 2, 2022)

I’ve been alone now for 4 years after getting divorced.  Very difficult late in life.   I have found joining groups thru my church and working part time very helpful.  I also got 2 kittens that are 2 yrs old now and about to add a puppy to our family.   My pets are very good companions.  I wish you luck.  There’s other people out there going thru similar circumstances.   Know that your not alone.


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## Wren (Jun 2, 2022)

Sorry for your loss Shirley, I hope you have some family and friends around to support you during these dark days of grief

Be kind to yourself, there’s no time limit or rush to move on, personally, after a year or so I found voluntary work helped me, it’s nice to know you are helping others and feel appreciated

Wishing you all the best with happier times ahead


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## Teacher Terry (Jun 2, 2022)

I am so sorry. It’s a big change to live alone after being married. I divorced my husband 18 months ago and now live alone. Personally I think it’s harder when your spouse dies because you have no choice in the matter.


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## AprilSun (Jun 3, 2022)

There was two things that helped me the most. One was talking to friends that had gone through the same thing. I knew they understood when I talked to them what I was going through and that made a big difference. 

The other thing that helped was having an inside pet. Having her here helped so much also. I didn't feel as alone and she helped me adjust so much easier.

As others have stated, it will get better. It just takes time.


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## Liberty (Jun 3, 2022)




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## Remy (Jun 3, 2022)

I'm so sorry. I've never been married but I can only imagine how hard this has to be. You will need to give yourself a lot of time to adjust. I hope you have additional support, people in your life, pets if you want them. I know how pets are literally life savers.

I hope you stay with the forum. It's a lot of company for me.


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## jujube (Jun 3, 2022)

At first it'll be two steps forward and two steps back, then two steps forward and one step back.  After a while, you'll notice that you're actually making a little headway.  I won't tell you the pain, and anger, and helplessness totally goes away, but it DOES get better.  Just be good to yourself.


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## Packerjohn (Jun 3, 2022)

Sorry to hear about your lose.  I also live alone and talk to myself all day long.  I used to think that people who talked to themselves were "nut" cases.  Now, I know better!

Just keep in mind that "time heals all wounds."  There is a light at the end of the tunnel but it might be a long time in coming but it will come.  Best regards to ya!


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## Robert59 (Jun 15, 2022)

I have a lady friend from High School that now lives alone because her boyfriend died. They lived together for at lease 60 years. She has no family at all and no children because they all died.


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## Moonbeam52 (Jun 15, 2022)

Shirleymc said:


> My husband just passed away unexpectedly and I am now alone. It is so quiet now and I turn around to say something to him and he is not there. I am sad and mad and scared. I have never really lived alone much. I am not sure how to move on from here.



I am sorry for your loss. It is always difficult to be departed from somebody that you care. Please try not to be alone. Have you got a family or friends that you can turn to cope with your loneliness? Meeting up or speaking to somebody may help you to get through this difficult time. 
Take care, and please be safe


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## terry123 (Jun 16, 2022)

Sorry for your loss.  Please take care of yourself and look around for groups going through the same thing.


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## katlupe (Jun 16, 2022)

I am so sorry for your loss. I am not widowed so I can't speak from experience. I live alone after leaving my marriage four years ago. I know from other people who have lost a spouse that what helps a bit is finding some kind of new interest. As others have said, a pet helps.


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## fuzzybuddy (Jun 25, 2022)

By next Thursday, you are not going to be all better, and ready for the rest of your life.  You've just been dealt a devastating blow.  It is going to take a long time to heal. You are going to go through the stages of grief. You are going to go through a lot of emotions, but that is part of the healing process. But, right now, like everybody said, you need to talk to someone. Plus, you have to get out of the house everyday- positively no excuses.  It doesn't matter what you do. It takes time to heal.


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## Moonbeam52 (Jun 26, 2022)

I am sorry to hear about your loss.I wish you all the luck and comfort.  May God bless you


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## GAlady (Jun 26, 2022)

So sorry for your sudden loss.  I lost my husband 9 years ago.  The hardest thing was coming back home and the house would be so quiet.  I lived alone for 7 1/2 years, but the pressure of keeping a house was too much and did get lonely.  I have been living in an assisted living for almost two years now.  It nice to have so many friends nearby, but can always have solitude in my apartment.


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## Serenity4321 (Jun 26, 2022)

Shirleymc said:


> My husband just passed away unexpectedly and I am now alone. It is so quiet now and I turn around to say something to him and he is not there. I am sad and mad and scared. I have never really lived alone much. I am not sure how to move on from here.


I am soory for your loss..those words are often repeated but I do not know what else to say. I lost my husband over 2 years ago. The way I keep on, is talking to him every day. I have a photo of him in my bedroom with a very familiar look/smile and I often talk to him. I am convinced he is somewhere doing something and hears me.

Don't be hard on yourself..feel what you feel, cry when you want to, and just know you will have both good and not-so-good days. AND..come here often especially if you do not have many friends to talk to. I wish you peace


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## bowmore (Jun 26, 2022)

Dear Shirley,
I am sorry for your loss. both my wife and I have been widowed. There is a great outfit called Soaring Spirits for the newly widowed.
https://soaringspirits.org/programs/newly-widowed/


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## JustBonee (Jun 26, 2022)

Shirleymc said:


> My husband just passed away unexpectedly and I am now alone. It is so quiet now and I turn around to say something to him and he is not there. I am sad and mad and scared. I have never really lived alone much. I am not sure how to move on from here.



Don't know if Shirley will come back or not,   but if you see this Shirley,    know that all you are feeling is normal ...... sad, mad, scared.    
There are many grieving  phases,   and it all takes time to get thru.   

It took me at least a few years to settle into a new normal  after my husband died,  and we had been together since high school.


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## Blessed (Jun 26, 2022)

I like @Bonnie met my husband in school at the age of fifteen,engaged at 18, married at 20. Straight from my childhood home to being a wife.  I loved that boy/man since the moment I met him.  He was sick with cancer for the last five years of his life and died at 51. I was prepared, I knew it was coming but that did not stop the total breakdown of my life.  I still, soon to be twelve years later, have not recovered to be a complete person.  You know what, that is okay, I do keep going, doing what needs to be done. I don't have the joy in my life that I once had but that is okay too. I tell you this so you know it is okay to feel the way you feel.  No one knows how hard it is, I don't talk about it anymore because I know they will not get it, it is just another fact of life.  I accept that and just try to live my best life.  Do what makes you happy now!!!


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## JustBonee (Jun 27, 2022)

Blessed said:


> I like @Bonnie met my husband in school at the age of fifteen,engaged at 18, married at 20. Straight from my childhood home to being a wife.  I loved that boy/man since the moment I met him.  He was sick with cancer for the last five years of his life and died at 51. I was prepared, I knew it was coming but that did not stop the total breakdown of my life.  I still, soon to be twelve years later, have not recovered to be a complete person.  You know what, that is okay, I do keep going, doing what needs to be done. I don't have the joy in my life that I once had but that is okay too. I tell you this so you know it is okay to feel the way you feel.  No one knows how hard it is, I don't talk about it anymore because I know they will not get it, it is just another fact of life.  I accept that and just try to live my best life.  Do what makes you happy now!!!



My life also ...  you could not have said it any better @Blessed   ...   I do  "get it",  since my story is so  very similar.
Soon to be 11 years for me.


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## Patricia (Jun 27, 2022)

HoneyNut said:


> I'm sorry for your loss Shirley.  It does sound like quite a change.  I've never been married but used to live with my mom and daughter and had lots of animals, but over the years it all changed, my mom died, my daughter grew up and moved out, and all the animals died until there only remained me and a cat.  Then I retired and decided to sell everything and travel in a nomadic way.  So I started doing that last Friday.  Not recommending it but maybe you would like now to move someplace else and do something you always wanted to do?


There can be a feeling that staying on the move might be helpful.


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## Patricia (Jun 27, 2022)

katlupe said:


> I am so sorry for your loss. I am not widowed so I can't speak from experience. I live alone after leaving my marriage four years ago. I know from other people who have lost a spouse that what helps a bit is finding some kind of new interest. As others have said, a pet helps.


I miss having a pet. Thinking about travel causes hesitation.


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