# Considering a move to senior apartment community



## Marie5656 (Aug 8, 2020)

*As I have mention regularly, my niece is a strong advocate for me, as I have no children. Even though I got positive results from cardio tests, she and I are now talking about me following through on something I have considered in the past. Moving to a senior community. She would like me to live closer to her. We have always been very close, and she wants to be able to visit more, and have me closer to her for various reasons.

I, at first, had thought I would always stay in my home.  But, the challenges of the last few months have gotten me to see that I miss people. I miss interacting with people. I want to People more.  Plus, giving up the responsibility of taking care of a house , which is becoming ever so much more of a challenge, makes me want to consider a change.  For example, the neighbor who mowed my lawn, and plowed my drive has moved out of state. I have someone mowing my lawn, but do not know who I will get to plow. I have a very short drive, two cars wide, but I know I cannot do it myself.  Shoveling the ramp is challenging enough.
Julie found a complex, back in my home town, which is for seniors, and rent is income based.  We figured I would be paying less for rent than I am paying for lot rent here.  And the rent includes all utilities except electric, and the place is cable ready. There is a recreation area, community room, small store and a place I can go for one meal a day in the community dining room .  
We are going to go out and look in the next week or two.
I am tired of being alone.  Especially now. Neighbors are moving away, and I am just missing being able to see others.*


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## Pinky (Aug 8, 2020)

Marie, you are so fortunate to have such a caring niece. The complex she has found sounds very nice. Of course, you will have to go take a look at it. I hope it's everything you're hoping for.


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## Aneeda72 (Aug 8, 2020)

I would do this if I could, and if my husband dies first, I will.  I hope the place is everything you want.  Let us know!


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## Keesha (Aug 8, 2020)

That’s a smart move Maria. It is great that you have such a caring niece.


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## jerry old (Aug 8, 2020)

dunno, something like that looms in my future-in-hone assistance will only assist in
kitchen tasks(?) and nurse visit.  No thanks, I need someone to  clean, wash...
Do the different home health folks offer different services?  I've only dealt with the one...

Really, like nurse, he was chatty, lingered after tasks... that was 3 years ago, nothing 
now.
I don't think I could live in any structured environment; money of course is the major concern.


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## Aneeda72 (Aug 8, 2020)

jerry old said:


> dunno, something like that looms in my future-in-hone assistance will only assist in
> kitchen tasks(?) and nurse visit.  No thanks, I need someone to  clean, wash...
> Do the different home health folks offer different services?  I've only dealt with the one...
> 
> Really, like nurse, he was chatty, lingered after tasks... that was 3 years ago, nothing now.


Yes they do, at least the ones my mother has do.  Did you specifically get the housecleaning services?


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## jerry old (Aug 8, 2020)

I did two in-depth interviews with two different people. (???)
I  was assigned a social work to discuss my problems of being alone!

What? lady I don't need to discuss problems, I need someone to do the wash.

They were hierarchy heavy, got one visits per month to check on their employees?
Think they were padding medicare bill


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## Pecos (Aug 8, 2020)

Marie5656 said:


> *As I have mention regularly, my niece is a strong advocate for me, as I have no children. Even though I got positive results from cardio tests, she and I are now talking about me following through on something I have considered in the past. Moving to a senior community. She would like me to live closer to her. We have always been very close, and she wants to be able to visit more, and have me closer to her for various reasons.
> 
> I, at first, had thought I would always stay in my home.  But, the challenges of the last few months have gotten me to see that I miss people. I miss interacting with people. I want to People more.  Plus, giving up the responsibility of taking care of a house , which is becoming ever so much more of a challenge, makes me want to consider a change.  For example, the neighbor who mowed my lawn, and plowed my drive has moved out of state. I have someone mowing my lawn, but do not know who I will get to plow. I have a very short drive, two cars wide, but I know I cannot do it myself.  Shoveling the ramp is challenging enough.
> Julie found a complex, back in my home town, which is for seniors, and rent is income based.  We figured I would be paying less for rent than I am paying for lot rent here.  And the rent includes all utilities except electric, and the place is cable ready. There is a recreation area, community room, small store and a place I can go for one meal a day in the community dining room .
> ...


My wife and I are making similar plans for the same reasons that you are. Good luck.


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## Aneeda72 (Aug 8, 2020)

jerry old said:


> I did two in-depth interviews with two different people. (???)
> I  was assigned a social work to discuss my problems of being alone!
> 
> What? lady I don't need to discuss problems, I need someone to do the wash.
> ...


Well, from what I’ve seen Washington state is one of the best places to be for an elderly person with little money.  Mother gets two meal delivers a day from two different sources and pays nothing.  She has three aides and they are there everyday.  I do not know the hours.

They do housekeeping, take her to appointments, answer her phone etc. but only work daylight hours.  Age might make a different, she is 95.  She gets Medicare and Medicaid.  She lives in government housing so reduced rent.  I do not live near her.  She has always preferred my brother and still does.


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## jujube (Aug 8, 2020)

Last week, my 95 year old mother was gung-ho to move into assisted living. Now she's changed her mind (no surprise). I'm here with her now and it's clear she has no business living alone.  It's going to be a battle royal and there will be bodies (probably mine).


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## jerry old (Aug 8, 2020)

Indeed, your state funding and the way they view old folks has much to do with
the available services.
If you live in one of our barren states, your in trouble.
There is also a huge gap in services available in metro  area vs the rural.


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## Aneeda72 (Aug 8, 2020)

jujube said:


> Last week, my 95 year old mother was gung-ho to move into assisted living. Now she's changed her mind (no surprise). I'm here with her now and it's clear she has no business living alone.  It's going to be a battle royal and there will be bodies (probably mine).


Yup, my mother will not go to assisted living or a nursing home.  She can not hear and now she is going blind.  She says they will take all her money.  Yes, we know and we tell her we will provide spending money.  She still refuses and says she will die in her apartment.

Sigh.  I don’t believe her, she never keeps her promises.


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## Marie5656 (Aug 8, 2020)

*Here is a link to the place.  It is in a nice area of town.

https://www.gvrpc.com/properties/ha...ysR8pcKRmPxfxxw74lkJsLMhWMJhJl01NlSzFTc2yIslE*


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## SeaBreeze (Aug 8, 2020)

Marie5656 said:


> *As I have mention regularly, my niece is a strong advocate for me, as I have no children. Even though I got positive results from cardio tests, she and I are now talking about me following through on something I have considered in the past. Moving to a senior community. She would like me to live closer to her. We have always been very close, and she wants to be able to visit more, and have me closer to her for various reasons.
> 
> I, at first, had thought I would always stay in my home.  But, the challenges of the last few months have gotten me to see that I miss people. I miss interacting with people. I want to People more.  Plus, giving up the responsibility of taking care of a house , which is becoming ever so much more of a challenge, makes me want to consider a change.  For example, the neighbor who mowed my lawn, and plowed my drive has moved out of state. I have someone mowing my lawn, but do not know who I will get to plow. I have a very short drive, two cars wide, but I know I cannot do it myself.  Shoveling the ramp is challenging enough.
> Julie found a complex, back in my home town, which is for seniors, and rent is income based.  We figured I would be paying less for rent than I am paying for lot rent here.  And the rent includes all utilities except electric, and the place is cable ready. There is a recreation area, community room, small store and a place I can go for one meal a day in the community dining room .
> ...


Marie, I can understand your wanting to move, and I'm so happy that you have a niece who is so loving and supportive, I remember some pictures in the past that you posted of the two of you. She seems like a nice gal and a good person.

 I am also saying now, that I love my home of over forty years and if something happened to my husband, I would want to stay here even if alone.  But, I know that feelings change, and I can't say how I would think of things in the future if I had to maintain my house by myself, and live here alone without my husband and best friend.  Also, I don't know if my health will hold up in future years.

 I may also want to be in an environment with more people and less physical work and responsibilities.  I also have no kids, but have no relatives near me to help me if needed.  You are lucky, and I wish you the best in your future.  I looked at your link and it looks like a great place.  Thinking of you always....hugs.


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## PamfromTx (Aug 8, 2020)

Best of luck to you, @Marie5656 .   You have one very special niece.


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## Aunt Bea (Aug 9, 2020)

Sounds nice Marie!

Definitely go and check it out.

Get your name on the waiting list and talk to your PCP about any assistance that they can provide that might help you with the priority placement.

Be sure to keep us posted on what you find.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Aug 9, 2020)

Sounds like a fine idea, Marie! Get your name on the waiting list ASAP because it can take for-freaking-ever to move up to the top of the list, especially in a small complex.

The senior apartments in my home town have a rule that when a person's name gets to the top and they're offered an apartment, it's take it or...your name goes back down to the bottom of the list. Be prepared to move with only about a month's notice.


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## Lewkat (Aug 9, 2020)

By all means, check it out Marie.


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## Jules (Aug 9, 2020)

It’s worth checking out and other places in the community at the same time.


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## AnnieA (Aug 9, 2020)

Hope it turns out as good as it looks because it sounds wonderful!  Especially being close to Julie.  And the reasons you're listing are only going to become greater issues with time.  

Hoping for a happy update!


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## Lakeland living (Aug 9, 2020)

For me, it will never happen. I would die rather than go into one of those places. I know many people cannot live on their own after a while, I also just learned as many other have that the abuse and neglect that went on was just plain disgusting.  Not all are bad, I know that. But they are not for me.


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## AnnieA (Aug 9, 2020)

Lakeland living said:


> ....I also just learned as many other have that the abuse and neglect that went on was just plain disgusting. ...



She's looking at apartments, not a nursing home.


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## Aneeda72 (Aug 9, 2020)

Lakeland living said:


> For me, it will never happen. I would die rather than go into one of those places. I know many people cannot live on their own after a while, I also just learned as many other have that the abuse and neglect that went on was just plain disgusting.  Not all are bad, I know that. But they are not for me.


It’s a senior apartment not assisted living or a nursing home, as I understand.  @Lakeland living The services she can get are the services I could get here, in my home, with or without my husband if we qualified by income.  We don’t.  We are always short of money as we provide a lot of help to the group home fellows that my son lives with.  

They are in disabled assisted living and all their money pays for their expenses.


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## JustBonee (Aug 9, 2020)

AnnieA said:


> She's looking at apartments, not a nursing home.



Many people get the two confused ....  It's totally different living in a senior apartment.   You are completely on your own,  unless you want to hire someone to help you with any chores.  Your choice ... same as in your house.


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## bingo (Aug 9, 2020)

in a heartbeat..go for it ☺


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## Marie5656 (Aug 9, 2020)

Lakeland living said:


> For me, it will never happen. I would die rather than go into one of those places. I know many people cannot live on their own after a while, I also just learned as many other have that the abuse and neglect that went on was just plain disgusting.  Not all are bad, I know that. But they are not for me.


I am NOT going to assisted living, or nursing home. It is simply an over 60 apartment complex. Not a medical facility


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## StarSong (Aug 9, 2020)

If you had been living there when this pandemic broke out, @Marie5656, would you have been confined to your apartment or would you have been free to come and go as you pleased?  

Might be a helpful bit of information to find out.


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## AnnieA (Aug 9, 2020)

StarSong said:


> If you had been living there when this pandemic broke out, @Marie5656, would you have been confined to your apartment or would you have been free to come and go as you pleased?
> 
> Might be a helpful bit of information to find out.



Great point.  My work's whole campus which includes assisted living apartments, a dementia unit and a nursing home has been locked down since March.  Residents can't leave and family can't visit face to face.


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## Aneeda72 (Aug 9, 2020)

AnnieA said:


> Great point.  My work's whole campus which includes assisted living apartments, a dementia unit and a nursing home has been locked down since March.  Residents can't leave and family can't visit face to face.


Same at one of my sons group home-my totally disabled son-considered very fragile


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## Marie5656 (Aug 9, 2020)

StarSong said:


> If you had been living there when this pandemic broke out, @Marie5656, would you have been confined to your apartment or would you have been free to come and go as you pleased?
> 
> Might be a helpful bit of information to find out.



I do not know, actually.  I am speculating here..that maybe they would have closed the building to outside visitors, asked residents to isolate for two weeks, and then allow limited gatherings in common areas. I know there is a small little convenience store there. And we all have food delivery
Something I will ask when I visit this week.


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## Sunny (Aug 9, 2020)

I'm in a (minimum age 55) independent community, and can absolutely vouch for it. I love it. The activities are wonderful, at least in normal times when we can have activities. But even now, people are finding ways to get together with masks and sit outside just to talk. I agree with you, the interactions with people are very important. I can't imagine wanting to live anywhere else; I've been here for over 12 years now.

Having your neice nearby is a big plus. You would have the best of both worlds. Go for it!


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## moviequeen1 (Aug 9, 2020)

Hi Marie,you are lucky to have such a thoughtful,caring niece
The senior apt living place reminds me of the ones that are located in the burbs of Buffalo since there are not many here in the city
I think its a great idea for you so you can meet new friends not feel so isolated&alone,go for it
Keep us updated when you decide to move Sue


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## JustBonee (Aug 9, 2020)

My senior  apartments (over age 55)   have had no restrictions,  other than wearing a mask when going out.   The main office was closed to open traffic for a long while,  visitors were discouraged,   and the common areas have had little group gatherings.   The swimming pool area is open though,  and Jenny, the hair stylist is working in the main building. 
And  I've been driving  to the grocery store weekly,  and over to visit family whenever. 

There seems to be a misconception about 'freedom'  of living in Senior apartments.   No lockdowns.  If you are healthy and want to leave, no one cares.   Not everyone is retired,  several people have regular jobs around here.


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## Marie5656 (Aug 9, 2020)

*@Bonnie I agree. There are many who equate senior living with ASSISTED living. Totally different. Just an apartment buliding forna specific group of people.  There is in house maintaneince, if something goes wrong, housekeeping..IF we want it and rides to the store and appointments. And off street parking for our cars.  I will definately feel more secure.
Do you like the place, Bonnie? I am guessing you do.*


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## JustBonee (Aug 9, 2020)

Marie5656 said:


> *@Bonnie I agree. There are many who equate senior living with ASSISTED living. Totally different. Just an apartment buliding forna specific group of people.  There is in house maintaneince, if something goes wrong, housekeeping..IF we want it and rides to the store and appointments. And off street parking for our cars.  I will definately feel more secure.
> Do you like the place, Bonnie? I am guessing you do.*



Yes @Marie5656,     I totally love it here!!   . And I think you will find it a great lifestyle too.
Same amenities here .... maintenance,  transportation if needed,  pest control,  and yearly checkup of apt. sprinkler system,  smoke alarms/fire extinguisher, etc.    Maintenance  crew  is wonderful.

We have nine buildings  and several acres  of land,  so parking lots are all around the buildings.   Lots of grassy area and many trees, shrubs.
Great for doggy walking.

I sold a large house w/large yard that was causing me mental anguish  ..  I hung it out for 4 years after my husband died,   and then our big labrador died too  .. and  I said 'what am I doing here?' .. Sold the house,  packed up my little dog (only one left) and we moved  to these apartments.   It's also very close to my daughter's house,   so big plus in that.
The apartment is beautiful with private outside patio.   I only miss not being able to plant a garden like I had at my house.


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## Keesha (Aug 9, 2020)

Marie5656 said:


> *@Bonnie I agree. There are many who equate senior living with ASSISTED living. Totally different. Just an apartment buliding forna specific group of people.  There is in house maintaneince, if something goes wrong, housekeeping..IF we want it and rides to the store and appointments. And off street parking for our cars.  I will definately feel more secure.
> Do you like the place, Bonnie? I am guessing you do.*


Absolutely and I was one of them. Retirement living is the stage before assisted living. Retirement living offers all the luxuries of good living with all the convenience and safety features. 

Assisted living is when you need help with basic functioning : toilet, eating, medication, walking etc., and is much more restricted. Assisted living here is subsidized. The government pays for half of it and if you can’t afford it will pay it all.


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## JustBonee (Aug 9, 2020)

Keesha said:


> ....    Retirement living is the stage before assisted living.



@Keesha   ...  I don't plan on going  to stage 2 ..      ... No!


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## Lewkat (Aug 9, 2020)

I live in assisted living and have never witnessed on case of abuse.  Not that some places have had suits brought against them for same, but it is the exception as opposed to the usual.  Actually, we are now known as senior living for there are many of us who live quite independently.  Of course we are able to have assistance if required as we do pay for it.  Cleaning, laundry, meals and meds are a part of the deal.  Our apartment range from small studio all the way up to large.  I live in a 3 room apartment and can either prepare my own meals or eat in the dining room.  That is when the dining room opens once again.  NJ is very slow in allowing these various health facilities dine indoors.  We must visit with our relatives out doors, so pray this ends before winter. One side of the property which is vast with a pergola and small garden area.


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## Keesha (Aug 9, 2020)

I thought I deleted all of this.


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## Keesha (Aug 9, 2020)

Bonnie said:


> @Keesha   ...  I don't plan on going  to stage 2 ..      ... No!


Yes.


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## Marie5656 (Aug 9, 2020)

*@Lewkat  Nice place. Glad you like it there. I used to work for an assisted living center many years ago.  The residents were mostly very nice people. But so often I felt the workers were just there for a paycheck. Sad.  Maybe because I was older than so many of my co-workers, I felt I had a lot more compassion and empathy for the residents I worked with.  

I hope I like the apartment complex.*


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## Lewkat (Aug 9, 2020)

You're right Marie, there are a few here just for that paycheck and I let them know it if I think they are slackers.  It's the nurse and former military officer in me I guess.  I let them know if they don't like the job, there's the front door.  Poor attitude from some.


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## Sunny (Aug 10, 2020)

> Retirement living is the stage before assisted living.



No way, Keesha!  Most of us are here for the long haul, and if we do have to end up in assisted living, it's after many years of enjoying our life here. Calling it a "stage" is a needlessly depressing way of putting it, sort of like saying life is a stage we go through before death. 

Most of us (me included) would say, "Assisted living? Me? Never!" Which may be denial, but most people able to live independently think that way.

I wonder what has happened to all the assisted living places and nursing homes since they were hit so hard by the coronavirus.


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## Sunny (Aug 10, 2020)

Lewkat, your gardens look beautiful. Our landscaping is similar, and it's so nice to enjoy all that without having to do the work. Although we do have a gardening area where people who love gardening sign up for a little patch of it, and plant and tend whatever they want.

I used to live in Morristown, very near to Madison, and I still remember what a lovely neck of the woods that was. NJ isn't called the Garden State for nothing!


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## JustBonee (Aug 10, 2020)

Sunny said:


> ....* Calling it a "stage"* is a needlessly depressing way of putting it, sort of like saying life is a stage we go through before death.



Great  way to word it.    Because it isn't something  everyone goes through at all.  Right now,  at my apartments,   I know two independent women in their 90's who I could never picture in assisted living.  One even drives and vacations yearly.    The other one  I see out on my walks daily.  She loves to visit with my dog,   and she told me that she is 94.    They are both inspiring.


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## Pepper (Aug 10, 2020)

for @Sunny 
"*All the world’s a stage*,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts.......

........Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
*That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,*
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."

Okay, I mixed two different plays.  Sue me.  

.


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## Ellen Marie (Aug 10, 2020)

As I get older and as the repairs seem to cost more and come more frequently, it is certainly appealing to consider a senior apartment facility.  But income based, I could not find a place that is cheaper than my mortgage + taxes.  Then, I look around and see my two fur babies with their doggie door and fenced in back yard.   And, I can do what I want with my house and property... I don't want to give up that freedom (luxury) to live under guidelines that everyone must comply with.  I don't want to walk dogs 2-3 times a day.   Yeah, it would mean more socialization.... but my friends living in such conditions now, with the pandemic, are not able to socialize either.   So, I feel I would lose more than I would gain.   

Make a list of the pros and cons..... give a numeric value to each point.... then tally up the score.


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## JustBonee (Aug 10, 2020)

@Ellen Marie   ... yes I have to walk my dog everyday at my apt.,  THREE times a day.    When I had my house, I walked my dogs occasionally,   as they had a doggy door out to the backyard too,    and they  ran around out there.   (I had a 90# lab at the time,  and I couldn't walk him as he was a puller,  so the little dog didn't get out around the neighborhood much either   after my husband died  ..    I didn't feel it was fair to the large dog.)

I have found great health benefits to being  forced to go walking three times a day.   Doctor  mentioned  it.   Builds muscle and keeps weight off.
I feel better than I have in ages as I'm approaching 77.

For me,  I _gained_ freedom by selling my house.    I can do as I please,  and not think about things needing to be done.


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## Sunny (Aug 10, 2020)

Pepper said:


> for @Sunny
> "*All the world’s a stage*,
> And all the men and women merely players;
> They have their exits and their entrances;
> ...



Yeah, but....
The speech from Macbeth sounds like a classic definition of depression, so let's skip that one. (We had to memorize that damn speech in high school!)

The first one you quoted, from As You Like It, is more interesting and probably more accurate. Although that last "stage" of life, describing complete senility, is also pretty depressing.  Of course, in Shakespeare's days, all that stuff probably happened in their 50's!

But what I was objecting to was Keesha's comment that retirement living is the last stage before assisted living. I don't think most of us living in senior housing see it that way at all.  It's just a fun, sociable way to live, with regular, independent homes available to people who are 55 and over.  Some will end up in assisted living or nursing homes, but most will not.  In our various performance groups, there are many singers and yes, even dancers, in their 80's or 90's!  My closest friend living here is 92, lives in an independent house, recently bought a new car, goes bowling, and goes to Zumba. Not that unusual.

And lots of the people here in their 50's and 60's are still working. They've got a long way to go before assisted living.


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## macgeek (Aug 10, 2020)

I spent 5 years working in the senior housing industry at an independent living property.  The seniors that lived there seem to enjoy having an apartment and not having to worry about all the work and expenses that come with home ownership. Maybe *do some research on the company that manages the property* because some of them are good, and some are horrible. Speak to people that live at the place you are considering if you can and see if they like it there.


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## Aneeda72 (Aug 10, 2020)

I want assisted living so I have to do nothing but watch tv, read, play computer game, and see my kids.  A perfect place for a dedicated couch potato like me!


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## MarciKS (Aug 10, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> I want assisted living so I have to do nothing but watch tv, read, play computer game, and see my kids.  A perfect place for a dedicated couch potato like me!


Costlier too.


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## Aneeda72 (Aug 10, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> Costlier too.


Yes, but I don’t plan on living forever going out in style, my style


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## StarSong (Aug 10, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> Yes, but I don’t plan on living forever going out in style, my style


Even the best of Assisted Living could hardly be considered going in style.  At least for me.  I'm not against AL, but it's certainly a ratcheted down, more closely controlled life with far less independence than living on one's own.


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## MarciKS (Aug 10, 2020)

StarSong said:


> Even the best of Assisted Living could hardly be considered going in style.  At least for me.  I'm not against AL, but it's certainly a ratcheted down, more closely controlled life with far less independence than living on one's own.


What do you mean when you say *more closely controlled life*?


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## Aneeda72 (Aug 10, 2020)

StarSong said:


> Even the best of Assisted Living could hardly be considered going in style.  At least for me.  I'm not against AL, but it's certainly a ratcheted down, more closely controlled life with far less independence than living on one's own.


Well, , we have the independence, now, to stay home.  I have two adult children in group homes which is similar to assisted living only more controlled for their safety.  We agree to disagree.


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## Marie5656 (Aug 10, 2020)

*So, I have an appointment on Wednesday for a place in Batavia. Not the place I mentioned above, but one of a few places there.  Julie called and they have almost no wait..I could be in there in a couple months if I like the place.
I will keep you all posted*


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## StarSong (Aug 10, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> What do you mean when you say *more closely controlled life*?


Most assisted living facilities were closed to non-essential visitors during this pandemic.  So medical visitors were permitted, but not family members.  Most are still greatly curtailing visitations and residents' group outings.  

During contagious disease outbreaks, whether flu, norovirus, COVID-19, or other, until the threat is over residents must remain in their rooms unless escorted by a staff member. Containment can last days or weeks.

Except for memory care units, residents haven't been committed and are legally free to leave at any time. That said, the facility may not permit them to return until the threat is past.  

It's not a life to aspire to unless living alone is no longer safe or manageable.  In my three years of at least weekly visits with close relatives at a couple of very good ALs, I never met a single resident who was capable of living independently. All had either severe ambulatory issues or cognitive challenges.


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## MarciKS (Aug 10, 2020)

StarSong said:


> Most assisted living facilities were closed to non-essential visitors during this pandemic.  So medical visitors were permitted, but not family members.  Most are still greatly curtailing visitations and residents' group outings.
> 
> During contagious disease outbreaks, whether flu, norovirus, COVID-19, or other, until the threat is over residents must remain in their rooms unless escorted by a staff member. Containment can last days or weeks.
> 
> ...


I see. For me it wouldn't be a big deal because I really don't go out much & don't have company over so it would likely work out for me. Plus I have no issue with staying in my room. LOL


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## StarSong (Aug 10, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> Well, , we have the independence, now, to stay home. I have two adult children in group homes which is similar to* assisted living only more controlled for their safety.*  We agree to disagree.


I think we're actually in agreement.  For a variety of reasons, ALs are more closely controlled than independent living.  

Aneeda, we have the independence to stay home, that's true. We also have the freedom to mask up and go to grocery stores, pharmacies, Target, Walmart and whatever else is open, to walk our neighborhoods, go for a drive, to walk in a park, and so much more.


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## Aneeda72 (Aug 10, 2020)

StarSong said:


> I think we're actually in agreement.  For a variety of reasons, ALs are more closely controlled than independent living.
> 
> Aneeda, we have the independence to stay home, that's true. We also have the freedom to mask up and go to grocery stores, pharmacies, Target, Walmart and whatever else is open, to walk our neighborhoods, go for a drive, to walk in a park, and so much more.


Yes, of course, but so do my sons, or they did before the virus.  They must wait for a staff member to have time to go with of course.

 I suppose anyone in AL is there because they need the help of another human being.  Obviously my total care son must have help always, and my DS with an IQ of 53 could never prance out the door on his own.  But others in AL can.

In the group home organization my total care son is with they have rented apartments in a regular apartment building or they are in the group home.  Many of those residents, in apartments, were dressed, plopped in their wheelchairs, and free to go forth as would you or I.  Auto door openers were put on their doors.

A strip mall was a couple blocks away and we would often see them zipping around there with little care or concern, as free as birds.  Neither of my sons are/were capable of this level of freedom.  I suppose it depends on the state you are in, your abilities when you enter AL, and what you want.


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## StarSong (Aug 10, 2020)

@Aneeda72, I'm not sure where our disconnect is.  Assisted living facilities for seniors is far different from what you're talking about.  

I can only comment on my experience with senior ALs and their relative lack of freedom as compared to people living on their own.


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## Sunny (Aug 10, 2020)

I don't know much about senior AL's, but from what I've heard, I gather there is a pretty broad spectrum. Some of them are basically independent living, except that you get one or more meals served every day. (I guess these days, the meals are delivered to your door). Some of them offer cleaning services, etc. So they are a little less "independent" than independent living, but not too different. People who hate preparing their own meals seem to love them.

Others are closer to nursing homes in their living arrangements. Maybe instead of just a room, you share a suite with one or two other people. And you get your meals, etc.

To make it even more complicated, there are also "rehab" facilities, which are more temporary.

About the "freedom" question, of course where I live, we have the same amount of freedom that anyone else has, living anywhere. I can go out or stay home, wear a mask or not (though everybody does), have guests or not, but not a large crowd etc. Senior independent living is not a prison.  Neither is assisted living, I'm sure. But there might be tighter rules in assisted living facilities.

The only thing I miss being able to do is cook on a grill, but that's because I live in a hi-rise, not because it's senior living.


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## MarciKS (Aug 10, 2020)

Aneeda when you say assisted living are you talking about apts where they live independently with a call button if they need paramedics?


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## Aneeda72 (Aug 10, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> Aneeda when you say assisted living are you talking about apts where they live independently with a call button if they need paramedics?


Actually, my totally disabled son“s second placement was exactly that.  He was in an apartment and it had a call button, not to push but for him to yell at, as he did not have the ability to push a button.  He would yell and they would call the staff that was in another another apartment.

We hated it.  It became a neglect situation.  But the other, less disabled people, did great there.  It was after this we had him moved to a group home.


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## MarciKS (Aug 10, 2020)

Ok those are different. They're considered assisted living but the people still have the freedom to come & go if they want to. They just have call buttons in the apts if they need help from EMS crews. I'm not sure they would let people come & go now with this virus. Usually those folks come in to dine with the ones that are in total care.


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## Aneeda72 (Aug 10, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> Ok those are different. They're considered assisted living but the people still have the freedom to come & go if they want to. They just have call buttons in the apts if they need help from EMS crews. I'm not sure they would let people come & go now with this virus. Usually those folks come in to dine with the ones that are in total care.


This group, and many groups here, have residents live in regular apartments just like you or me.  They are all disabled to various degrees and without funds usually.  Everyone starts out in the least restrictive environment per the ADA.

With our son with DS we had to prove that he could not be in an independent apartment and could never ride a city bus on his own.  Lots of experts, all agreed, so his environment is more restrictive.  While the funding may be different, people with disabilities are people with disabilities no matter what their age.

The difference @StarSong may be in the funding of assisted living.  I am assuming most think they will pay for it, I am assuming the state will pay for it.  Cause like my boys, , I have no money.


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## Marie5656 (Aug 10, 2020)

*Well, my plans for a move has prompted some good discussions here. I do not mind, as that is the point of threads like this in a forum like this  Discussions with out peers, about stuff we are all living is a great way to learn and share information.  I am glad My thread has provided for this discussion.*


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## MarciKS (Aug 10, 2020)

At some point we get to a place in life where we have no choice but to be taken care of. My parents don't want to go to the nursing home but I think mom would if she had to. She won't like it. I won't like it. But she would like living with me even less. LOL


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## Marie5656 (Aug 10, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> At some point we get to a place in life where we have no choice but to be taken care of. My parents don't want to go to the nursing home but I think mom would if she had to. She won't like it. I won't like it. But she would like living with me even less. LOL



That is right. I am still able to have independant living, do not need a medical facility at this point. Julie just wants me a bit closer to her, in a more secure environment.  She is liking, mainly, that I will not have outdoor stuff to deal with and worry about.


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## Aneeda72 (Aug 10, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> At some point we get to a place in life where we have no choice but to be taken care of. My parents don't want to go to the nursing home but I think mom would if she had to. She won't like it. I won't like it. But she would like living with me even less. LOL


Yeah, my mother would NEVER live with me.  She would be afraid it’d do to her what she did to me.


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## MarciKS (Aug 10, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> Yeah, my mother would NEVER live with me.  She would be afraid it’d do to her what she did to me.


Me & mine would spend our time fighting over me not making my bed. LOL


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