# Every Family Seems To Have A Black Sheep. Tell Us About Yours.



## hauntedtexan (Jun 11, 2017)

My brother ended up making way too many challenges for himself. Went AWOL and made his income by selling drugs, arrested a few times, hung out with a bad crowd and ended up OD'ing. Left 3 kids behind. God rest his soul.....


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## Granny B. (Jun 11, 2017)

Sorry about your brother, hauntedtexan.  I hope people don't have the impression that black sheep are always the family's 'bad" member and somehow deserve to be ostracized.  It's usually pretty unkind and hurtful to label any family member that way.  Sometimes it's really the family that's the problem, like in the case where the family is dysfunctional and that one member has to disconnect to get away from the craziness.


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## Shalimar (Jun 11, 2017)

Granny B. said:


> Sorry about your brother, hauntedtexan.  I hope people don't have the impression that black sheep are always the family's 'bad" member and somehow deserve to be ostracized.  It's usually pretty unkind and hurtful to label any family member that way.  Sometimes it's really the family that's the problem, like in the case where the family is dysfunctional and that one member has to disconnect to get away from the craziness.


Oh, yes. That person would be me!


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## tnthomas (Jun 11, 2017)

I was told that I was the black sheep, at a young age.

I don't know why....anybody that would know is dead.

Here I am, I made it....(1) war, (3) ex-wives and (40+) years of heavy drinking.


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## Camper6 (Jun 11, 2017)

I hate to say this.

But I'm the black sheep.  Certainly not a rose among thorns.


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## hauntedtexan (Jun 11, 2017)

People say family first and, to a certain point, I agree. But the "family first" idea has seemed to change in the world I know. Maybe it's because of the prevalence of drugs, maybe because of social medias reduction of family values by making virtual strangers more important than blood relatives. I may never know for sure. What I do know is that families are different than they used to be. I see kids virtually blackmailing their parents if they don't do what the kids think is best for the kids. Maybe it's been happening for generations, but I see kids calling the cops on their folks more and more. Why is that happening?


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## helenbacque (Jun 11, 2017)

I'm so sorry for your loss, tnthomas.  

Anyone researching their family history is almost certain to find black sheep.  In the 1800s, a very distant cousin of mine shot his uncle (for good cause, some said) and then rode off into the sunset never to be seen by family again.  Genealogy would be a very boring hobby if not for the black sheep you meet along the way.


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## jujube (Jun 11, 2017)

A cousin.  A troubled child and a troubled adult. He's been in trouble most of his life, got kicked out of the army, stole from our grandmother, burned a lot of bridges behind him, done time.  He's not welcome at many relatives' houses.  He keeps bad company and prefers the "rough" side of life.  He's making a living and a sort of life, but I fully expect for him to be found murdered one of these days.


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## Falcon (Jun 11, 2017)

Yes,  Several cousins.  I can always tell which ones by the way they vote.


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## WhatInThe (Jun 12, 2017)

Black Sheep can cover a lot of things. Families and people also evolve or change over time. Mix in the perfect storm of events, character, friends, peers it's very easy for a family to wind up with a black sheep if you will. 

What bothers me in this day and age of more accessible information and acceptance of various differences/behaviors is the lack of priority the blacksheep gives their own family and/or improving on their own plight. I get screwed up families and/or members one doesn't want a thing to do with but those who don't give a hoot or will have no problems lying, manipulating/conning, stealing etc when dealing with family and/or friends is another story. I have no problems labeling and/or treating them like a black sheep.

And I've seen families where the blacksheep didn't claim that title until they were AARP eligible with gray hair. Things change.How well people adapt or progress through life is another story.


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## RadishRose (Jun 12, 2017)

Yes sir, yes sir; three bags full!


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## HipGnosis (Jun 12, 2017)

Shalimar said:


> Oh, yes. That person would be me!


Me too.
And I'm sure that most of the family calls me the black sheep because they don't see it that way, because that would require them to see things from my perspective.

It would be easy to call each member of my family a black sheep - all for their own reasons.


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## Butterfly (Jun 12, 2017)

Granny B. said:


> Sorry about your brother, hauntedtexan.  I hope people don't have the impression that black sheep are always the family's 'bad" member and somehow deserve to be ostracized.  It's usually pretty unkind and hurtful to label any family member that way.  Sometimes it's really the family that's the problem, like in the case where the family is dysfunctional and that one member has to disconnect to get away from the craziness.



My family's black sheep is a very dangerous person and is unwelcome in my home.  The person is a frequent guest of our prison system for very good reasons.


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## 911 (Jun 13, 2017)

Prisons are full of black sheep. I have heard many, too many stories of how their life went wrong. It almost all cases, their story starts out, "While I was growing up my father (or mother) would beat me, sodomize me, rape me, etc. ad nauseam." "We never had money for food or to pay the rent because dad drank it, didn't work or did hard drugs and would end up in jail." "We were always on welfare and the other kids would make fun of me, haze me, bully me, etc." 

It seems like for a lot of black sheep that are in prison, it all began when they were just kids in a dysfunctional family and therefore probably became co-dependent themselves and just were never able to interact or join society as a whole person. 

I have often wondered if these problems that we see today existed back in the early 1900's? I know that we had some gangsters and such, but did we have the home life like that which some of our children suffer through today?  I firmly believe that a lot of people that are raising children suffer from the many different mental illnesses that have been exposed during the past 40 or so years. How can you be a good parent, if you yourself are suffering from a mental illness, co-dependency or a substance abuse problem?


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## Shalimar (Jun 13, 2017)

911 said:


> Prisons are full of black sheep. I have heard many, too many stories of how their life went wrong. It almost all cases, their story starts out, "While I was growing up my father (or mother) would beat me, sodomize me, rape me, etc. ad nauseam." "We never had money for food or to pay the rent because dad drank it, didn't work or did hard drugs and would end up in jail." "We were always on welfare and the other kids would make fun of me, haze me, bully me, etc."
> 
> It seems like for a lot of black sheep that are in prison, it all began when they were just kids in a dysfunctional family and therefore probably became co-dependent themselves and just were never able to interact or join society as a whole person.
> 
> I have often wondered if these problems that we see today existed back in the early 1900's? I know that we had some gangsters and such, but did we have the home life like that which some of our children suffer through today?  I firmly believe that a lot of people that are raising children suffer from the many different mental illnesses that have been exposed during the past 40 or so years. How can you be a good parent, if you yourself are suffering from a mental illness, co-dependency or a substance abuse problem?


Excellent post, particularly as it relates to those incarcerated. Sadly, abuse/neglect etc is often multigenerational. Until fairly recently, it was hidden, and there was little or no  recourse available to those affected. My gramma's sister was stabbed to death 

with a pitchfork by her abusive husband. Of course, in those days,  it was hushed up. Many of my clients can trace dysfunctional family history through at least three generations.


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## hauntedtexan (Jun 13, 2017)

Shalimar said:


> Excellent post, particularly as it relates to those incarcerated. Sadly, abuse/neglect etc is often multigenerational. Until fairly recently, it was hidden, and there was little or no  recourse available to those affected. My gramma's sister was stabbed to death
> 
> with a pitchfork by her abusive husband. Of course, in those days,  it was hushed up. Many of my clients can trace dysfunctional family history through at least three generations.


At age 15, I witnessed my father try to kill my mom. There was little to no counseling for kids that experienced things like this. It wasn't talked about. All I know was I went from an honor student to just barely graduating to long hair and shabby clothes and hanging with a lower class of kids. Getting into fights and overall major change in personality. Thank God I had the smarts to join the military, regained self esteem, learned the best life skills and survived. After 9/11, even became a corrections officer at a prison that held only foreign nationals to do my small part to prevent another one. My point is, unless we keep our eyes open, realize that a kid that's acting out may have concealed issues that they may not realize are causing them. Just too bad that parental pride blocks most help that's available for the kids.


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## Shalimar (Jun 13, 2017)

hauntedtexan said:


> At age 15, I witnessed my father try to kill my mom. There was little to no counseling for kids that experienced things like this. It wasn't talked about. All I know was I went from an honor student to just barely graduating to long hair and shabby clothes and hanging with a lower class of kids. Getting into fights and overall major change in personality. Thank God I had the smarts to join the military, regained self esteem, learned the best life skills and survived. After 9/11, even became a corrections officer at a prison that held only foreign nationals to do my small part to prevent another one. My point is, unless we keep our eyes open, realize that a kid that's acting out may have concealed issues that they may not realize are causing them. Just too bad that parental pride blocks most help that's available for the kids.


I applaud your strength and resilience. Unfortunately, many parents live with their eyes wide shut even when help is available.


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## tnthomas (Jun 13, 2017)

911 said:


> Prisons are full of black sheep. I have heard many, too many stories of how their life went wrong. It almost all cases, their story starts out, "While I was growing up my father (or mother) would beat me, sodomize me, rape me, etc. ad nauseam." "We never had money for food or to pay the rent because dad drank it, didn't work or did hard drugs and would end up in jail." "We were always on welfare and the other kids would make fun of me, haze me, bully me, etc."
> 
> It seems like for a lot of black sheep that are in prison, it all began when they were just kids in a dysfunctional family and therefore probably became co-dependent themselves and just were never able to interact or join society as a whole person.
> 
> I have often wondered if these problems that we see today existed back in the early 1900's? I know that we had some gangsters and such, but did we have the home life like that which some of our children suffer through today?  I firmly believe that a lot of people that are raising children suffer from the many different mental illnesses that have been exposed during the past 40 or so years. How can you be a good parent, if you yourself are suffering from a mental illness, co-dependency or a substance abuse problem?



It is my view that mental illness, co-dependency,substance abuse and other behavioral problems are "passed down" from one generation to the next. 

 The two routes that those problems [usually]travel are from exposure to such behavior, and by heredity.


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## hauntedtexan (Jun 13, 2017)

Shalimar said:


> I applaud your strength and resilience. Unfortunately, many parents live with their eyes wide shut even when help is available.


I believe we are raised by 2 loving people that more screwed up than we will, hopefully, ever know, who were raised by 2 loving people who were more screwed up that they ever knew, etc etc etc...... So, that makes our obligation to become more enlightened and LISTEN to the lives we encounter and then pass it on. If only......


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## Shalimar (Jun 13, 2017)

hauntedtexan said:


> I believe we are raised by 2 loving people that more screwed up than we will, hopefully, ever know, who were raised by 2 loving people who were more screwed up that they ever knew, etc etc etc...... So, that makes our obligation to become more enlightened and LISTEN to the lives we encounter and then pass it on. If only......


Yes!


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## terry123 (Jun 14, 2017)

People don't realize that words can hurt children deeply and they grow up believing that about themselves.  Congrats Thomas, you did make it.  That's a lot to go through.


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