# WaxVac and the Fall of Western Society



## SifuPhil (Apr 12, 2013)

Being an insomniac freelance writer means that you get to watch plenty of late-night infomercials on TV, and my current favorite is the one for WaxVac.

*WaxVac* is a tiny little battery-operated gizmo that, along with its interchangeable tips, promises to remove ear wax safely and efficiently.

My favorite part of the commercial (it's so good they actually include that section twice) happens at around the 5-second point, where the guy is digging in his ear with a plain, boring, conventional ol' QTip ...







Man, I LOVE the response he gives! It looks like he's been surprised by a sewer gator chomping on his lower leg, or he's just been shot by the same guys that go around shooting rap stars.

*OW!

OW!

OW!*

Yes, every time I use a QTip in my ears I scream loudly enough that several neighbors call 9-1-1. I'm so uncoordinated that my arm, without any warning, suddenly shoves the QTip into my ear canal so far that I floss my cerebellum. I am totally deadly to myself in the bathroom.

I've checked out a few reviews on this toy - I call it that because essentially that's what it is. It isn't powerful enough to be dangerous, but it also isn't powerful enough to be useful.

I think I'll just stick to screaming at odd hours of the night and save myself some money in the process.


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## That Guy (Apr 12, 2013)

Ain't bad tv the best?  I love how the people using the product are smiling away with great joy.

Here's an ear canal cleaning solution.  Often, when duck-diving a fast-breaking hollow wave, I've actually felt the water rush up my nose and out my ears!  Whooosh...


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## Ozarkgal (Apr 12, 2013)

Well, if he's using Q-tips in his ears, he's probably screaming in pain from years of compacted ear wax being shoved down to the furtherest point in his ear canal, that has turned to giant hard waxy plugs resembling rocks...thus, he probably has rocks in his head.


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## SifuPhil (Apr 13, 2013)

LOL!

I've always had a lot of ear wax - in fact, as a pre-teen I had to get liquid removed from my middle ear. 

After the in-office work was done everyone sounded like Donald Duck. 

I've never been back for treatment since then - 45 years or so - so yeah, I probably have a plug in there that would give titanium a run for its money. But it DOES give me an excuse to ignore stupid people when they talk.


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## That Guy (Apr 13, 2013)

Gee, Sifu, let me tell you about WaxVac . . . !


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## Pricklypear (Apr 13, 2013)

Good heavens!  I have a hard time getting motivated to run the carpet vacuum.  I'm just not ready for the WaxVac.

Anybody ever hear of a gopher VAC. I'd pay big bucks for one of those.


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## Anne (Apr 13, 2013)

Those WaxVac commercials are so gross.....   I can't see how that could work, as the vacuum would have to be so strong it would hurt your ear, I would think.  One of those little ear bulbs might work better.

Pricklypear, what's a gopher Vac????


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## That Guy (Apr 13, 2013)

Pricklypear said:


> Good heavens! Anybody ever hear of a gopher VAC. I'd pay big bucks for one of those.



Woo Hoo!  Gonna invent me one o' them immediately if not sooner!



> *Carl Spackler:* License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior firepower and superior intelligence. And that's all she wrote.


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## Anne (Apr 13, 2013)

OOOHH; I'm slow today!!


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## FishWisher (Apr 13, 2013)

Actually, the WaxVac is a very successful little device. It's main intent is to transfer money from the fools' wallets to the liars' wallets. It works marvelously - as do many of the liars' little devices.

My ear cleaners come about 50 to a pack, and very efficiently remove whatever that sticky stuff is in my ears (soap? TV news?). They're called bobby-pins. No sermons please; I've been using them since about the eighth grade and nuthin' else comes close.


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## That Guy (Apr 13, 2013)

FishWisher said:


> Actually, the WaxVac is a very successful little device. It's main intent is to transfer money from the fools' wallets to the liars' wallets. It works marvelously - as do many of the liars' little devices.
> 
> My ear cleaners come about 50 to a pack, and very efficiently remove whatever that sticky stuff is in my ears (soap? TV news?). They're called bobby-pins. No sermons please; I've been using them since about the eighth grade and nuthin' else comes close.



I'm sure there's a marketing gimmick in there somewhere.  Bend some wire almost but not quite like a bobby-pin and call it the . . . WaxAxe.  Million$, I tell you.  Million$!


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 13, 2013)

FishWisher said:


> My ear cleaners come about 50 to a pack, and very efficiently remove whatever that sticky stuff is in my ears (soap? TV news?). They're called bobby-pins. No sermons please; I've been using them since about the eighth grade and nuthin' else comes close.



Oucheewaawaa!!!...reminds me of a mechanic where I use to work, always used things like screwdrivers in his ears...made me cringe!!   There are people who use Hydrogen Peroxide or Ear Candles to clean out wax...but I'm not for trying those either.  I use Q-tips, but don't dig down deep or compact anything...guess if I felt there was a really bad ear wax problem, I'd reluctantly see a doc for an irrigation.  I had a lot of ear infections as a kid, but thankfully they've subsided with maturity.


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## Anne (Apr 13, 2013)

I have used hydrogen peroxide many times when I get a cold, since I'm susceptable to ear infections, and never had a problem with it.  Seems to keep the cold from settling in the ears, and getting worse.

I've heard ear candling works well, but haven't tried that one yet.


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## SifuPhil (Apr 14, 2013)

FishWisher said:


> Actually, the WaxVac is a very successful little device. It's main intent is to transfer money from the fools' wallets to the liars' wallets. It works marvelously - as do many of the liars' little devices.



How very true.



> My ear cleaners come about 50 to a pack, and very efficiently remove whatever that sticky stuff is in my ears (soap? TV news?). They're called bobby-pins. No sermons please; I've been using them since about the eighth grade and nuthin' else comes close.



Wow, that's radical! But hey - whatever works, right? 

I've seen people use toothpicks - the pointy kind, not the ones with the flat ends - and it always raises the hairs on my neck. 



			
				SeaBreeze said:
			
		

> ... There are people who use Hydrogen Peroxide or Ear Candles to clean out wax ...



I use peroxide as well, but the candling? I never understood that. 

If I wanted illumination I'd just stick the wick in my ear and light it.


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## Anne (Apr 14, 2013)

TOOTHPICKS??!!    No way.  Don't know how candling works either, but maybe the heat softens the wax??   As far as the peroxide, so doctors theorize that germs enter the ear canal, and the peroxide will kill it before it turns into a cold, flu, etc.  But you probably heard that, too.


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## SifuPhil (Apr 14, 2013)

Actually the "trick" to ear candling is that the candle is hollow - some traditional methods also employ rolled-up waxed-paper cones - and when the wick is lit a vacuum is produced, the combination of that vacuum and the heat produced pulling out the wax.

Most Western medicos are against it, but it still finds a healthy audience amongst alternative practitioners.

The peroxide - yes, I figure it would kill the germs. It's also used as a mouthwash for the same reason. I remember whenever I got a nasty gash as a kid my Mom would pour peroxide over it - I always dreaded that, but I never got an infected wound either.


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## Anne (Apr 14, 2013)

Ahhh; makes sense about the ear candles, I'm a bit leery about setting my hair on fire, but might try it one of these days. 

My Mom used the peroxide on cuts, etc., also, and we've used it for mouthwash, too.   Can't hurt.  I talked to an elderly gentleman some time ago who sprays it in his mouth and breathes it in several times a day.  He claims that it has helped him avoid colds and flu in Winter.  He uses the 3%, not food-grade.

Someone else said a friend of his used the diluted food-grade, but ended up with kidney disease because of it.  Apparently that's what the guys dr said caused the disease.


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 14, 2013)

SifuPhil said:


> If I wanted illumination I'd just stick the wick in my ear and light it.



I like it when you make me laugh Sifu! You can't have THAT much earwax in your ears! :rofl:



Anne said:


> As far as the peroxide, so doctors theorize that germs enter the ear canal, and the peroxide will kill it before it turns into a cold, flu, etc.  But you probably heard that, too.



I just shy away from even trying peroxide, although it is suggested by many.  I figure if I can't drink it because it will make holes in my stomach/intestines, then why would I put it in my ear, with the delicate ear drum?  Also, I've read that you really have problems if you put peroxide in your ear and you have a perforated ear drum.  Not everyone is aware that their ear drum may be compromised, and I wouldn't want to find out through using hydrogen peroxide.  I sometimes use it as a mouthwash to kill germs, but I spit it out and rinse with plain water afterwards.


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## SifuPhil (Apr 14, 2013)

Hydrogen peroxide is one of those common, naturally-occurring substances that we _still_ don't know very much about. 

Most doctors and health organizations take a dim view of H2O2 being used to disinfect wounds or as a cure for cancer, but is that because of honest research or kickbacks?

The majority alternative medicine opinion is to use only food-grade (30%-35%) for internal use (because 3% has stabilizers added that are NOT good for the body, even as a mouth-wash), and to use a closely-monitored, highly-diluted regimen for a week, then cut back on dosages. 

I think the kidney failure could be attributed to many things - H2O2 usage is contraindicated when you're taking certain mineral supplements such as calcium, or when you have pre-existing conditions of the kidney, stomach or other internal organs.

As with any "cure" or supplement that you try you should do your research FIRST.


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## Pricklypear (Apr 14, 2013)

Anne said:


> Those WaxVac commercials are so gross.....   I can't see how that could work, as the vacuum would have to be so strong it would hurt your ear, I would think.  One of those little ear bulbs might work better.
> 
> Pricklypear, what's a gopher Vac????



Sorry Anne, there is no such thing.  I've got at least one pocket gopher in my garden.  I've set a trap and I'm crossing my fingers.  I'm dreaming of a device that would suck those little pests out of their tunnels and out of my life.


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## Anne (Apr 14, 2013)

Pricklypear said:


> Sorry Anne, there is no such thing.  I've got at least one pocket gopher in my garden.  I've set a trap and I'm crossing my fingers.  I'm dreaming of a device that would suck those little pests out of their tunnels and out of my life.



LOL!!  Shortly after I posted that, I thought, oooooh, now I get it!!    I know what you mean - I'd like a squirrel vac, too....they were stealing my green tomatoes right off the vine, the last couple of years since it was so dry.  Darn critters.


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## That Guy (Apr 14, 2013)

SQUIRRELS!!! @#%^&!!!  They were playing a great game with me over the years and I used to sit quietly with a water hose just waiting for then to approach the bird feeder on my deck.  Most of the time they were just too fast and my jet of water only follow them as they ran away.  But, a couple of times my aim was perfect and soaked them little buggers all the way home and then some.  I think they enjoyed it, though, as they always came back for more right away.  Where I'm living now, no squirrels in sight . . . so far...

Squirrel/Gopher VAC . . . I'm workin' on it!


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## SifuPhil (Apr 15, 2013)




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## Anne (Apr 15, 2013)

There ya go, SifuPhil!!!  You're quite the entrepeneur!!   Wonder what that would 'gofer' on the market??


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## That Guy (Apr 16, 2013)

Anne said:


> Wonder what that would 'gofer' on the market??



OH, the pain . . . and laughter.  Good one, Anne!

Now, remember, most important in the marketing campaign:  Must have people smiling insanely while using the product on late night infomercials.


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## SifuPhil (Apr 16, 2013)

That Guy said:


> OH, the pain . . . and laughter.  Good one, Anne!
> 
> Now, remember, most important in the marketing campaign:  Must have people smiling insanely while using the product on late night infomercials.



And they have to put it up to their ear and loudly yell "OOWWWWWW!!!" 

__________________________________________________________________

Are you troubled by the heartbreak of gophers? Do you constantly find yourself tripping in gopher holes? Wish there was an easier solution than this ...

{insert video clip of woman setting gopher traps - a ridiculous number - in her yard}

... or this ...

{insert video clip of man with long hose all tangled up, trying to flood the holes}

... or even this ...

{insert video clip of thermonuclear device detonation}

*???*

Then it's time for you to try 

*GophaSuck*

the world's first gopher vacuum cleaner or, as it's listed in Patent # 64,845,945 - " a system and apparatus for the removal of the undesirable species *Geomyidae *from urban habitats through the use of pressure-differential technology".

We know that having gophers in your yard is a potentially life-threatening situation - would YOU want your children to become orphans because you tripped in a hole? No, not at all - that would really blow.

Well, blow no more - now it's time to suck, with the amazing new 

*GophaSuck
*
Developed by a joint collaboration of a former NASA vacuum-technology engineer and a professional Mixed Martial Arts champion, GophaSuck is designed to quickly and efficiently rid you of these diseased pests. Just insert the nozzle in the hole and flip the switch - GophaSuck's revolutionary new turbine-bladed engine spins up to 46,000 RPM within 2 seconds, creating an irresistible sucking effect that even the most stubborn gopher can't resist.

Disposal is just as easy. No longer do you have to tote a pile of rodent corpses to the compost pile, all the while gazing upon their mangled little bodies - now GophaSuck handles THAT part of the job for you as well. Those same turbine blades will convert, with another flip of the switch, to a 99.9%-efficient frappe-speed postmortem dis-assembly chamber. All you do is empty the remains cup in the closest waste receptacle!

The titanium blades and Carbonix ball-bearing motor are GUARANTEED for 20 years! The hair filters are easily slipped into the dishwasher for sterilization after every hunting expedition, and the GophaSuck features a dual 120V/240V power supply so you can be ready for action any time, anywhere!

...


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## That Guy (Apr 17, 2013)

Yeah Now!  I'm stayin' up all night in hopes of catching that ad on my infomercial channel!!!


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