# Medical Charts



## SeaBreeze (Jul 3, 2014)

Medical Charts
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The following are actual, unedited, notes written by doctors on
 patients’ medical charts:

 1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a
 year.

 2. On the second day the knee was better,
 and on the third day it disappeared completely.

 3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states
 she was very hot in bed last night.

 4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in
 1993.

 5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to
 be depressed.

 6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

 7. Healthy appearing, decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but
 forgetful.

 8. The patient refused an autopsy.

 9. The patient has no past history of suicides.

 10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

 11. Patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant
 with only a forty pound weight gain in the past three days.

 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

 13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady
 pregnant.

 14. Since she can’t get pregnant with her husband, I thought you
 might like to work her up.

 15. She is numb from her toes down.

 16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home.

 17. The skin was moist and dry.

 18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

 19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

 20. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

 21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life
 until she got a divorce.

 22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
 therapy.

 23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

 24. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

 25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

 26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a
 job as a stockbroker instead.

 27. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

 28. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.

 29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should
 sit on the abdomen, and I agree.

 30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

 31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

 32. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

 33. Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.

 34. I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.

 35. The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.

 36. The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

 37. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

 38. The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.

 39. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

 40. Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.


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## Meanderer (Jul 5, 2014)

They are High-larious!

View attachment 8370


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## JustBonee (Jul 5, 2014)

LOL  ....

4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in
1993.


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## Falcon (Jul 5, 2014)

Don't these guys EVER read back what they've written?


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## Honey (Jul 5, 2014)

my mum used to work in an old people's home on the night shift, she didn't have any medical training so it was mainly settling them down for the night and taking them to the loo, one morning in her report she wrote a lady had suffered continental fishes! she meant  incontinent of faeces!


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## SeaBreeze (Jul 5, 2014)

:lol:


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