# Do you ever just need someone to talk to?



## Lochkelly

I find myself in this situation more and more these days.  I just need someone to talk to, a sounding board if you will, no judging.  Sometimes I just need to get things off my chest.

Anyone else in this predicament?


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## terry123

Sometimes.


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## GeorgiaXplant

Ha! Scheisst der Baer im Wald? LOL Don't we all? If there's nobody available, I talk to my kitty. Or I type it all out in a running word document that I've been keeping for years.


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## Lochkelly

GeorgiaXplant said:


> Ha! Scheisst der Baer im Wald? LOL Don't we all? If there's nobody available, I talk to my kitty. Or I type it all out in a running word document that I've been keeping for years.



Okay, I had to look up and have Google translate Scheisst der Baer im Wald!!  Oh, I definitely talk to my cats and to myself!  Ha!


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## GeorgiaXplant

Kitties are good therapy. They listen and don't judge. They purr and lower your blood pressure. Stick with kitties. Or dogs. They provide the same benefits as kitties but don't purr.


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## Ruthanne

Yes I sometimes need non judgement listening, too.  I, too, talk to my doggie!  She listens good and never judges me.


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## Judycat

At least the cats don't tell me what I should be doing. Like I don't know what I should be doing. Pffft!


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## RadishRose

Now and then.


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## win231

Sometimes.  But we have to choose the person wisely, or you can end up feeling worse.  The person you talk to may use the situation to feel better about themselves by putting you down.  And a wise choice is usually not family.


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## GeorgiaXplant

which is why I talk to my kitty or my word document...


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## Lochkelly

win231 said:


> Sometimes.  But we have to choose the person wisely, or you can end up feeling worse.  The person you talk to may use the situation to feel better about themselves by putting you down.  And a wise choice is usually not family.



Definitely.  What I encounter a lot is that they turn it around and put it on themselves.  Then it becomes all about them.


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## gennie

Occasionally.  I usually just want a sympathetic listener, not a problem solver.  I usually end up talking to myself.


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## Gary O'

Never really have
However
I do consider talking to someone a privilege

Haven't had a dog in awhile, but I do recall him being a very good listener
He'd kinda close his mouth a bit with the tip of his tongue still sticking out, and look up at me, his eyebrows and ears up
I always enjoyed that


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## Olivia

Lochkelly said:


> I find myself in this situation more and more these days.  I just need someone to talk to, a sounding board if you will, no judging.  Sometimes I just need to get things off my chest.
> 
> Anyone else in this predicament?



Do you live alone? You restricted your profile to everyone, including members, so I can't really know what situation you are in and therefore have a hard time giving suggestions,


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## jerry old

Yea, setting here like an old rotting stump.  What happened to those I used to know?


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## Pecos

Lochkelly said:


> Definitely.  What I encounter a lot is that they turn it around and put it on themselves.  Then it becomes all about them.


When they start out "I know how you feel", you realize that they are not actually listening.


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## jujube

I had my sister as my sounding board and vice versa.  I could call her up and rant until I was out of breath and know she'd never tell anyone what I said (and vice versa).  Then she'd tell me I was a pain in the a$$ and we'd have a good laugh.  I don't have anyone else now to tell my innermost thoughts to.


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## Lochkelly

Olivia said:


> Do you live alone? You restricted your profile to everyone, including members, so I can't really know what situation you are in and therefore have a hard time giving suggestions,


I've changed my settings now.

I don't live alone but hubby & both daughters (23 & 17) all have ADD out the wazoo.  Only my son doesn't but he's 3 hours away at college.  I hate dumping on him anyway.  Husband is also trying to recover from a closed skull brain injury.  That doesn't help.  We live in a very small town with lots of adult cliques.  If you didn't at least go to high school here, you don't count.


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## tortiecat

My girlfriend(of over 60 years) unload our problems on each other.


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## Liberty

So far, I'm the "sounding board" mostly...for family and friends and that's fine.  Have one friend that calls up and tells me what's ailing her and then sends me an email apologizing for always 
talking and telling me her troubles.  

Not a problem, hey, I've been called a really good listener...happy to be of help...lol


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## DaveA

win231 said:


> Sometimes.  But we have to choose the person wisely, or you can end up feeling worse.  The person you talk to may use the situation to feel better about themselves by putting you down.  And a wise choice is usually not family.


You seem to be painting with a pretty broad brush when you trash families other than from your own experience.  In actuality, I  rarely discuss problems or seek advice from anyone but our kids and/or their mates.  They're all in their 50's and 60's now, are usually familiar with any problems that we have and at our late age, they've never failed us yet.  Another benefit I find is that they provide a degree of compassion when helping us over a "bump".

We all have different experiences and live accordingly. If your particular experience (within family) has been bad, that's unfortunate and I sympathize with anyone in that situation.  But to generalize about others is making an assumption that may not be true.


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## Catlady

GeorgiaXplant said:


> Ha! Scheisst der Baer im Wald? LOL Don't we all? If there's nobody available, I talk to my kitty. Or I type it all out in a running word document that I've been keeping for years.



I have a penpal that I vent to and she vents to me.  It helps!  Diaries like yours helps a lot, too, just writing it down calms you and gives you perspective.  It's a lot cheaper than paying a psychiatrist.


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## Catlady

Gary O' said:


> Haven't had a dog in awhile, but I do recall him being a very good listener  He'd kinda close his mouth a bit with the tip of his tongue still sticking out



LOL, when my daughter was a small child she saw our cat doing that and she got upset, she thought the cat was sticking her tongue out at her.


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## Lochkelly




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## Keesha

Lately?
YES!


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## Patio Life

I would like someone to just listen sometimes. Mostly I am the support / listener / bounce off ideas person for others. 

My sister called the other day and said "I was just calling to see how you were doing." Then proceeded to talk my ear off about all things "her" for about 45 minutes.

Hubby told my a few weeks ago not to talk to him. Seriously. He doesn't want to hear about what is going on with me. He needs to stay in denial about my health.


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## Ronni

My daughter and Ron are my sounding boards and the ones I vent to. Both or either depending on  the subject matter. And I am that for them, so it stays very balanced.

With Ron he doesn’t offer advice unless I ask for it. Conversely I already know that he wants my input or he wouldn’t be talking to me.

With Paige we always ask each other “ Are you venting or do you want feedback?” And then we respond accordingly.


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## Camper6

I was thinking of an 800 number I could call where no one answers and I could dump just like the scapegoat in the Bible.


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## win231

DaveA said:


> You seem to be painting with a pretty broad brush when you trash families other than from your own experience.  In actuality, I  rarely discuss problems or seek advice from anyone but our kids and/or their mates.  They're all in their 50's and 60's now, are usually familiar with any problems that we have and at our late age, they've never failed us yet.  Another benefit I find is that they provide a degree of compassion when helping us over a "bump".
> 
> We all have different experiences and live accordingly. If your particular experience (within family) has been bad, that's unfortunate and I sympathize with anyone in that situation.  But to generalize about others is making an assumption that may not be true.


If your family is supportive, more power to ya.  I've known many families in my time.  The majority of them are people who know better than to ask each other anything except what time it is.


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## Keesha

One of my favourite people to talk to when I’m stuck is my brother-in-laws wife. She’s awesome! 
We have been writing back and forth for about 7 years now. I truly love her. Of course I do the same for her when she has a problem also.


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## Olivia

I have never needed someone to talk to because I don't believe there is ever any other person that can ever really understand someone else.  If I'm feeling bad for some reason, I would much rather talk to someone and hear their problems rather than mine. It takes me out of myself and helps someone to have me listen. When I try to tell someone why I feel bad, it just makes me feel worse. I think the main reason is is because I'm an introvert.


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## Repondering

I'm alone most of the time, always have been, I've gotten used to it.  I talk to myself a lot but I try to only do it when I'm alone.  Sometimes in public I forget and start muttering to myself.  I stop when I notice people looking at me oddly.  My social contacts are in artificial settings like public service volunteering at the hospital and community landscaping, at church, in community college classes ( I taught beekeeping there for awhile!) and the Saturday market.  And there are online forums.....I called suicide prevention a few times a couple of years ago but things are better in that department lately.  I had a dog but she got old and died.  I had a mother but she died too last January.  I had a really good friend in the volunteering venue but he died a good death this last May.  I have one friend but she has a lot of other friends so I try not to be too needy and be a nuisance.  I'm used to this, it's OK.


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## Keesha

Repondering! You posts are so very moving. 
You deserve a great caring friend. Everyone does.


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## Sunday.abovethe.grass.meh

Lets see, how do you do this? ... hmmm AT or @ responderings @
*Repondering*

There are other's that might not be lonely or feel lonely or let it touch them,  but-- have been on their own all their life with no family.  In short there are always others that have had a lot lonlierEDIT:* lonelier! *((grrr my spelling, I don't use spell check makes the brain mush))))) time of it, I'm just doing my best to put in a couple good feel good points, eeeh I'm not good at this HA! well if you were right here I'd sing you some songs on my guitar.

OKay I gave it my best shot.  Lastly, just to be like self important and Superrrelevant here HA! okay .. so wouldn't it be kind of nice if others could look into a life, ... I think like mine and then they would think they are very fortunate.


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## Ronni

win231 said:


> If your family is supportive, more power to ya.  I've known many families in my time.  The majority of them are people who know better than to ask each other anything except what time it is.



This is such a shame.  It seems that the majority of folks I hear about have non-supportive or abrasive or otherwise negative family situations. It makes me even more grateful for the closeness of my own, but also vaguely guilty too, though I have no idea Why


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## treeguy64

The wealthy have the option of having a paid "friend" to listen to them complain, on and on. They're called psychologists and psychiatrists. 

An old buddy of mine, no longer, is such an insufferable narcissist, such a weird hermit living in abject squalor, such a social misfit, that he has had to pay someone to listen to his disgusting babbling, on a weekly basis, over the last forty years! No changes have ever occurred as the result of his "therapy," nothing has improved in his wasted life, but he does, indeed, have someone to talk to. 

I have my gf to bounce ideas off of. She's great for that. I had my sister for general venting, up to last January, but now I have her daughter. I imagine it must be tough to keep everything inside, for those unable or unwilling to make connections to others.


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## Aunt Bea

I usually discuss important things with myself, mull them over in my own mind.

I do agree that many of us have lost some important human contact over the years, maybe that's one of the reasons we come here.


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## toffee

I know that feeling since we moved rural - hardly ever see anyone -
hubby talks when he feels like it Arrgh))))) so yes I talk to the 3 cats -they are on my level of convo lol.. I have friends but they live far away now ' and trying to find a good hobby is hard living in the sticks , and never burden my boys with my short-falls...


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## Ronni

toffee said:


> I know that feeling since we moved rural - hardly ever see anyone -
> hubby talks when he feels like it Arrgh))))) so yes I talk to the 3 cats -they are on my level of convo lol.. I have friends but they live far away now ' and trying to find a good hobby is hard living in the sticks , and never burden my boys with my short-falls...


 Do you really think it’s a burden though @toffee?  

I mean isn’t that part of being a family? Being there for each other, sharing burdens?


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## Patio Life

Ronni said:


> Do you really think it’s a burden though @toffee?
> 
> I mean isn’t that part of being a family? Being there for each other, sharing burdens?


Parents never burden the kids for all of their growing up years. It's hard, if not impossible, to change the behavior when the kids are full adults.


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## norman

I have an old dog I talk to and when I say TRUCK she lights up, tail wagging, heads for the door as soon as I stand up. (she knows we are going for a hamburger}  I sometimes put my head phones on her and she will listen for a while then shakes her hear hard till they go flying. I do think she likes county music better than the Blue Danube Waltz, which is my favorite.


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## DaveA

Ronni said:


> Do you really think it’s a burden though @toffee?
> 
> I mean isn’t that part of being a family? Being there for each other, sharing burdens?


Perfect, Ronni.  There are times when our kids or grandkids ask our opinions on certain things (not including electronics LOL).  If one has a close family, both emotionally AND geographically, the normal discourse with each other is the same as with friends and acquaintances. Chit chat with an occasional question in the mix.  Sadly, I've found as I reach my mid eighties, most of my friends are either gone or no longer out and about.  

Close families don't happen by accident. They come about by a lifetime of nurturing, parent for child in the early stage and if that was successful, it becomes child for parent.  The so called "burdens" that everyone talks about are not burdens at all but just part of a continuing family life.  Some choose to reach retirement, pack up, leave the family and any problems behind and drive off to enjoy their new found freedom.  No problem with that, but, 20 years later, having been removed from the daily trials of their off-spring, to arrive at their doorstep expecting their help can be a bit off-putting for the kids.  Family life should always be a two way street - - -through ALL of the years.
,


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## CeeCee

Repondering said:


> I'm alone most of the time, always have been, I've gotten used to it.  I talk to myself a lot but I try to only do it when I'm alone.  Sometimes in public I forget and start muttering to myself.  I stop when I notice people looking at me oddly.  My social contacts are in artificial settings like public service volunteering at the hospital and community landscaping, at church, in community college classes ( I taught beekeeping there for awhile!) and the Saturday market.  And there are online forums.....I called suicide prevention a few times a couple of years ago but things are better in that department lately.  I had a dog but she got old and died.  I had a mother but she died too last January.  I had a really good friend in the volunteering venue but he died a good death this last May.  I have one friend but she has a lot of other friends so I try not to be too needy and be a nuisance.  I'm used to this, it's OK.




You can talk to me....

I’ve had a very lonely and difficult summer.   Now that my 11 yr old dog had to be euthanized I’m totally alone and it’s the worst in the early morning....nobody to greet me. 

I think most of my family and friends have gotten a little tired of my whining and crying all summer.

I’m doing better now physically but mentally...still very difficult....

I do go to therapy once a week for an hour and I also go to Curves every morning during the week.

I’m trying very hard to do more things like lunches with new friends I’ve made.

Going to a church a new friend has invited me to although I’m not very religious...it’s still a good thing.

But..all these things I’ve mentioned still leave me with too many hours in the day with not much to do and nobody to talk to.

At least before I had my dog....

I don’t know anything about you except that you live in the Midwest....I also lived there for many years.

If you want you can start a conversation with me.....I haven’t looked to see if you are male or female but that doesn’t matter....if we click, then great...if not, nothing lost.

CC


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## Ronni

Patio Life said:


> Parents never burden the kids for all of their growing up years. It's hard, if not impossible, to change the behavior when the kids are full adults.


Guess I’m weird then.  Or atypical or something. I mean I don’t dump everything on them lol! But I got to a point where I started relating to them as peers/fellow adults/friends rather then exclusively my children,  and we talk all the time about everything. I will seek their counsel as often as they seek mine.


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## rkunsaw

My wife as Alzheimer's so it's difficult to have a conversation wit her. We're pretty isolated where we live so there is no one around to talk to. My wife has two daughters who call a couple of times a week and that's about all the conversation I get.


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## Liberty

Sometimes I think we tend to keep the "really important" or bothersome things to ourselves - hold them to our chests, maybe not even know what is truly at the core of our fears or anxieties. Like, if you are out to dinner and someone else is picking up the check, you won't really order what you want on the menu, or have that glass of wine since they are paying.


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## Pecos

My wife and I have our morning coffee in the sunroom every day. It takes about an hour to cover our various aches and pains, the evils in the world, old workplace grievances, our nuisance neighbors and old family issues. I rarely bring these issues up with my son or daughter. They are both doing fine, but have their hands full with the normal challenges of life. Neither of them is a particularly good listener, but I think they try.
Our morning coffee also includes discussions about our future plans, the beauty of our backyard, and how much we love each other and our pets. 
I would be lost without her. Right now she is off doing Yoga. Which helps her deal with the recent loss of our lovely dog Heidi.


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## Victor

Yes, and I lost verbal contact with a lady friend yesterday. I was calling her at work
every few weeks and we'd talk an hour or more and she'd listen to my troubles. Now she was fired
and I don't have her home phone, only email address. (She is married so I can't see her
or call at home, her husband knows me.) Only platonic, nothing more. Have known her for 11 years.
So now I have no one just to talk socially with when I want.  Sad.


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## Lochkelly

_"The wealthy have the option of having a paid "friend" to listen to them complain, on and on. They're called psychologists and psychiatrists."_

Isn't that the truth?!  And if you don't get a good one (there are very few good ones) they just string you along...


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## Repondering

Sunday.abovethe.grass.meh said:


> Lets see, how do you do this? ... hmmm AT or @ responderings @
> *Repondering*
> 
> There are other's that might not be lonely or feel lonely or let it touch them,  but-- have been on their own all their life with no family.  In short there are always others that have had a lot lonlierEDIT:* lonelier! *((grrr my spelling, I don't use spell check makes the brain mush))))) time of it, I'm just doing my best to put in a couple good feel good points, eeeh I'm not good at this HA! well if you were right here I'd sing you some songs on my guitar.
> 
> OKay I gave it my best shot.  Lastly, just to be like self important and Superrrelevant here HA! okay .. so wouldn't it be kind of nice if others could look into a life, ... I think like mine and then they would think they are very fortunate.



Sunday.above.the grass, If you choose to give the forum a look into your life, I for one would pay attention carefully.


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## A2ZGrammie

I think almost everyone needs someone to talk to. That's why I started searching for forums.


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## RadishRose

Repondering said:


> I'm alone most of the time, always have been, I've gotten used to it.  I talk to myself a lot but I try to only do it when I'm alone.  Sometimes in public I forget and start muttering to myself.  I stop when I notice people looking at me oddly.  My social contacts are in artificial settings like public service volunteering at the hospital and community landscaping, at church, in community college classes ( I taught beekeeping there for awhile!) and the Saturday market.  And there are online forums.....I called suicide prevention a few times a couple of years ago but things are better in that department lately.  I had a dog but she got old and died.  I had a mother but she died too last January.  I had a really good friend in the volunteering venue but he died a good death this last May.  I have one friend but she has a lot of other friends so I try not to be too needy and be a nuisance.  I'm used to this, it's OK.


Stick around @Repondering, there's always us! ♥


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## treeguy64

Lochkelly said:


> _"The wealthy have the option of having a paid "friend" to listen to them complain, on and on. They're called psychologists and psychiatrists."_
> 
> Isn't that the truth?!  And if you don't get a good one (there are very few good ones) they just string you along...



I, unfortunately, knew more than a few suicides. Most were in "counseling," and that did absolutely NOTHING to prevent their untimely ends.

The shrinks and psychologists I've known, dating a few, have been some of the most screwed up people I've ever met. It's amazing how many of these very disturbed individuals are out there, some, even closer than one might think!


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## Rosemarie

Lochkelly said:


> I find myself in this situation more and more these days.  I just need someone to talk to, a sounding board if you will, no judging.  Sometimes I just need to get things off my chest.
> 
> Anyone else in this predicament?


I talk to my birds. They love a chat and talk back!


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## Sunday.abovethe.grass.meh

Tx @Repondering
____________________
Don't mind me, I'm just here and there and figuring out the toys and tools here of this place / eehrm forum-- how things work all that but mostly talking to my self oh you're still reading?,  rhetorical.

Okay, this is to see if I can post an image by- well over the net-- online only rel pointer link style/method.: 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			







Pffft! AAAAaalrighty then! okay, working well, time travel is simple.  Now I need to get busy and work on my levitating /SARC! (((((( that means s a r c a s m))


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## Pepper

Too much LSD in the old days, or not enough?


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## LulyR

I would love to have someone to "confide in.  I don't like the idea of using my kids because sometimes I want to complain about their father and I don't want them to feel they have to take sides.  I try not to complain to my husband, cause most of the time he's the problem and if he isn't he wants to "fix" whatever is troubling me.  My go to was my Mom and I have had no one since she passed.  I've finally convinced my husband to move into an active adult community and hope I can find a least one person that could be my sounding board and I her's.


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## Sunday.abovethe.grass.meh

AAAAaaa good one there Pepper, yeah that pic was gigantuaous and I'm a little exuberant in my typing as I'm like slamming away at the keys and mostly just having fun and trying to figure out how the toys and tools in here work, like that RESIZE pic thing for one {{[[[[[  yeah thing be the techie term  }}], I'm good a those /sarc allllllrighty well that's a wrap



yeah that was a grrrROANER BOO !

   ! OH at ... I mean @LulyR  eeeh this ware is tripe, the silly drop down suggest doesn't work, prob my device AAAAAND MOVING ON nice flow eh.... oh did work k, and moving on HEY Lilly ... mmm I mean LullyR so if there are churches near there are plenty of nice people there.  Some are not even super religious either and are super great people to talk to.
JUst a thought.
Also, if near library, there will be a Mormon call number for chores help etc. and they help out with anything you need laundry clean etc. anything but the point, they will have several local ? I forget what they call them, not church building but anyway they have millions of groups and events going on all the time and you don't have to be a member either and they are super nice folks.

But , yes naturally you will have to have your own head and kindly mention to them that you're not a Tom Cruise special kids club kid so to speak and they'll understand and back off trying to chain you into their circle/click.


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## Sassycakes

I am so lucky that I can talk to my sister about anything that bothers me and she also does the same with me. I can also tell things to my daughter,she is very understanding. I feel very easy to talk to either of them.


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## win231

treeguy64 said:


> I, unfortunately, knew more than a few suicides. Most were in "counseling," and that did absolutely NOTHING to prevent their untimely ends.
> 
> The shrinks and psychologists I've known, dating a few, have been some of the most screwed up people I've ever met. It's amazing how many of these very disturbed individuals are out there, some, even closer than one might think!


I heard that many people go into the mental health field because of their own pain.


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## Gary O'

treeguy64 said:


> The shrinks and psychologists I've known, dating a few, have been some of the most screwed up people I've ever met. It's amazing how many of these very disturbed individuals are out there


reminds me of a poster (sorry);


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## Ruthanne

win231 said:


> I heard that many people go into the mental health field because of their own pain.


Who better understands pain than those who have suffered..


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## Suzy623

Boy do I! My dogs have heard it all. I even talk to myself sometimes just to calm me down but I tell everyone I'm talking to the dog. Have to watch what I say though.  My mother is deaf but my father isn't. But my father has Alzheimer's so probably wouldn't know what I was talking about but, then again, he might.


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## hellomimi

I talk to my SIL's malti-poo who has been quite a good listener. Sometimes, she'd look at me like, "WTF are you talking about?" but more often, she'd just jump on my lap when she wants a belly rub. Princess is my latest K9 bff, I love her to pieces, she lights up my life.


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## MarciKS

Of course. The problem is finding someone who is trustworthy and will listen. Someone who even cares. I have trouble finding those kind of people. 

The "no matter what" friend even exists?


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## MarciKS

Patio Life said:


> I would like someone to just listen sometimes. Mostly I am the support / listener / bounce off ideas person for others.
> 
> My sister called the other day and said "I was just calling to see how you were doing." Then proceeded to talk my ear off about all things "her" for about 45 minutes.
> 
> Hubby told my a few weeks ago not to talk to him. Seriously. He doesn't want to hear about what is going on with me. He needs to stay in denial about my health.



I have the same trouble with my family. They want to know that I'm ok but they don't wanna hear about my problems. I wish I could afford a psychologist but, I figure the last thing I need right now is one more person telling me that everything is my fault.


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## Rosemarie

Yes. I'm solitary by choice but I often feel I would like someone else's opinion on things. When you're alone with your own thoughts, things can get very one-sided!


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## Lissabee

Y


Lochkelly said:


> I find myself in this situation more and more these days.  I just need someone to talk to, a sounding board if you will, no judging.  Sometimes I just need to get things off my chest.
> 
> Anyone else in this predicament?


Yes, all the time. I have no one with whom to have real conversation about my life or feelings


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## Lissabee

Rosemarie said:


> Yes. I'm solitary by choice but I often feel I would like someone else's opinion on things. When you're alone with your own thoughts, things can get very one-sided!


Yes, I always have something I want share but realize I have no one. Not even my daughter or granddaughter.


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## Rosemarie

That is when a site like this proves so valuable, especially as there is such a mix of people on here, unlike some sites.


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## Ken N Tx

Rosemarie said:


> That is when a site like this proves so valuable, especially as there is such a mix of people on here, unlike some sites.


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## Treacle

I see that a lot of us like to talk to our animals. I feel the same with my precious cat. But here's another thing I like to do and that is keep journals and write down my feelings and thoughts. I have also found it useful to compose a letter and leave it and then reread at a later date. Writing for me provides a great outlet. This has become more and more important to me over the years as I have lost a number of friends and family in a short space of time. I also watch Joyce Meyer which lifts me. Don't know if others have heard of her but she works for me.
Just some thoughts


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## Ken N Tx

Treacle said:


> keep journals and write down my feelings and thoughts.


I have read that Red Skelton did this daily..


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## Lissabee

I feel like I’m losing my relationship with my adult daughter and teenage granddaughter, even though we live right next door. A few years ago my health problems started limiting my ability to do normal household chores and cleaning. I asked my daughter if she could offer me a little help. I know she’s busy, as a single mom, but wasn’t asking for a lot. I now live in a hoarder house that is beyond caring for at all. They don’t want to talk about it, they don’t even want to acknowledge the reality. I can’t afford to pay anyone and refuse to have anyone to come to my home, even for needed for repairs.They never come to my house because it’s too disgusting for them but don’t have a problem with me living in these conditions. It is embarrassing and humiliating. I spoiled my daughter too much growing up. I’m still providing her a place to live. Her job doesn’t pay enough for her to live on. My granddaughter tells me I’m selfish and only care about myself. This coming from the person I love more than anything in the world. I considered suicide, but I don’t want to make my family feel guilty. So I decided that was not a option. I’m not qualified for a nursing home and would really prefer dying to that. I can only be thankful for my dogs and cats, who give me greatly needed love. I’m also thankful for the years that my girls and I had a loving, laugh- filled relationship. I have tryed to initiate a meaningful conversation but it never works out well. I am at the point now that I’m giving up and my destiny is to live and die in these circumstances. Never could I imagine that my life would be like this.


----------



## EllisT

Yes...the world is falling apart and there is so much vile going around. I miss my wife and friends who have passed, and my other friend who up and run off with a mexican gal....it's just me now, and my dog Sadie.


----------



## hellomimi

MarciKS said:


> Of course. The problem is finding someone who is trustworthy and will listen. Someone who even cares. I have trouble finding those kind of people.
> 
> The "no matter what" friend even exists?


The only one I can trust completely who will not betray me is myself. It gets boring to just talk to I and myself though.

I also realized to find a trustworthy friend, I should be one to them; it's a two way street. The difficult part for me is throwing caution to the wind, show them my vulnerable side with high hopes they'll not pass judgments. In most instances, I am not looking for advice, I just want a listening ear.  If that kind of friend comes along, that'll be a huge blessing.


----------



## JustBonee

MarciKS said:


> Of course. The problem is finding someone who is trustworthy and will listen. Someone who even cares. I have trouble finding those kind of people.
> 
> The "no matter what" friend even exists?



Times like the present,  I so miss my husband who I lost 6 yrs. ago,   and also  extended family  who have passed.  It really makes a person reflect on everything  'that was'  .....


----------



## Treacle

Carl Gustav Jung wrote :

Loneliness does not come from having no people about one but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.
and:
The shoe that fits one person pinches another, there is no recipe for living that suits all cases

Life can be difficult in finding the 'right' people or a person who will listen, most people want to talk about themselves. But I'm sure what you have written resonates with other people so in that sense you have people already sharing your views and therefore there is some support. Just knowing that there are other people out there who share similar views and/or experiences gives some stability knowing that one is not alone. Hope that makes sense.  However I do understand how difficult and challenging it is.


----------



## twinkles

yes it is always nice to have someone to talk to----i had my sister that we use to talk everyday--she passed away  in 2015- i live with my youngest daughter but  she hangs out with her husband  all the time--one thing i never wanted to do was move in with my kids


----------



## hellomimi

There is a saying, "You can be lonely in a crowd", I've experienced it and I know there was a deep longing inside me to find a soul connection. I have a lot of acquaintances, if I find that one friend, it'll be more than enough for this lifetime.


----------



## Pinky

I've learned that it's not easy to find someone to talk to, who isn't going to repeat what you've said, to others.


----------



## Sassycakes

*I thank God everyday for my sister. I can tell her anything and she really helps me. It's been that way since we were kids. My Husband also can be trusted with anything I tell , but I don't tell him everything so that he doesn't get upset.*


----------



## Ruthanne

hellomimi said:


> The only one I can trust completely who will not betray me is myself. It gets boring to just talk to I and myself though.
> 
> I also realized to find a trustworthy friend, I should be one to them; it's a two way street. The difficult part for me is throwing caution to the wind, show them my vulnerable side with high hopes they'll not pass judgments. In most instances, I am not looking for advice, I just want a listening ear.  If that kind of friend comes along, that'll be a huge blessing.


My sentiments exactly.


----------



## Em in Ohio

That's why I finally got involved with social media (i.e. this site).  I found myself talking to my birds and the neighbor dog and myself far too often.  The conversations were essentially dull monologues.  I needed feedback!


----------



## grahamg

Em in Ohio said:


> That's why I finally got involved with social media (i.e. this site).  I found myself talking to my birds and the neighbor dog and myself far too often.  The conversations were essentially dull monologues.  I needed feedback!


I agree, I need feedback of some kind, either by friends I can phone and discuss things with, "and when I've worn them out", the forums like this one are very good too.   .


----------



## DaveA

I never need to step out beyond my immediate family. Some of you do not share the same situation and I'm only speaking of my experience.  We're in our 80's , our kids are all clustered around 60, two just over the other 2 just under.

Never have we had cause for a moment of distrust from any of them or the 13 grandkids (some now married) that they've produced.  Our 3 SIL's and dear DIL (who we just lost to cancer in January) have been wonderful additions to our family.  

I always find it sad that so many people dislike and/or distrust their off-spring but in today's world so many families are made up of ex's, steps, halfs, etc., that the solidity of the family unit lacks cohesiveness.

To conclude, we only have 2 or 3 "old" friends left alive and the last place I'd look for trusted advice would be to relative new-comers to my circle.  Trust is earned, and to be safe, over a long period.


----------



## LindaB

Thank goodness for my fur babies! We have conversations all the time! 
I have friends, of course, like I'm sure you do but not since my best friend died from cancer have I had anyone whom I can share EVERYTHING with. She was that one person I knew I could count on come hell or high water. 
When I want intelligent conversation, I talk to myself.


----------



## DaveA

And at the moment they look like they can't wait for you to start the conversation.

I can tell you that any conversation, with our dogs, that contains the word "supper" will get their unbridled attention whereas the same word when used with the cats, rarely causes them to even open their eyes.


----------



## JaniceM

Something occurred to me recently that might fit in with this thread.  

Sometimes it's good to have someone to talk to-  but sometimes it's not helpful.  
This is what I mean:  if there's a negative situation (not anything harmful/dangerous), talking to someone who agrees with you can 'dilute' your feelings about it and may even make you less likely to take constructive action-  especially if the person you're talking to doesn't think anything can be done about it.


----------



## PamfromTx

I have a girlfriend (of over 55 years) that I can confide in.  We both had/have cancer and help each other to cope with it.  She_* listens*_ to me; something that both my sisters don't do.


----------



## macgeek

that's what my therapist is for.


----------



## Ruthanne

macgeek said:


> that's what my therapist is for.


I think I need one too.


----------



## grahamg

macgeek said:


> that's what my therapist is for.


You would rather pay a stranger to do the listening than a good friend, (or am I falling for good ol sarcasm, all said "tongue in cheek".  )?


----------



## bingo

i just want to chat...no deep conversation


----------



## Ladybj

Lochkelly said:


> I find myself in this situation more and more these days.  I just need someone to talk to, a sounding board if you will, no judging.  Sometimes I just need to get things off my chest.
> 
> Anyone else in this predicament?


I have a few friends that are my sounding board and I am theirs.  It helps A LOT.  You can feel free to send me a PM if you like.


----------



## Ladybj

Lochkelly said:


> View attachment 76315


You are TRULY blessed if you have such a friend.  I am blessed.


----------



## Repondering

A therapist is a special kind of relationship. albeit an artificial kind of one, they're obliged to listen to you and their needs are fulfilled by the fee you pay them.  But then it can become complicated if one also becomes friends with the therapist.


----------



## Ladybj

grahamg said:


> You would rather pay a stranger to do the listening than a good friend, (or am I falling for good ol sarcasm, all said "tongue in cheek".  )?


From a person that has been in counseling, sometimes a close friend just don't fully understand and may bring the conversation back to her.  A counselor keep the conversation about you and only you.


----------



## Ladybj

Repondering said:


> A therapist is a special kind of relationship. albeit an artificial kind of one, they're obliged to listen to you and their needs are fulfilled by the fee you pay them.  But then it can become complicated if one also becomes friends with the therapist.


I agree.  I could not be friends with my counselor, although I connect with her very well.  However, I would not cross over to the friend Zone.


----------



## officerripley

grahamg said:


> You would rather pay a stranger to do the listening than a good friend, (or am I falling for good ol sarcasm, all said "tongue in cheek".  )?


And then there are those of us who aren't good at making friends. So I guess it's like with other things: sometimes you have to pay for it (being listened to, in this case).


----------



## Ladybj

hellomimi said:


> The only one I can trust completely who will not betray me is myself. It gets boring to just talk to I and myself though.
> 
> I also realized to find a trustworthy friend, I should be one to them; it's a two way street. The difficult part for me is throwing caution to the wind, show them my vulnerable side with high hopes they'll not pass judgments. In most instances, I am not looking for advice, I just want a listening ear.  If that kind of friend comes along, that'll be a huge blessing.


You are absolutely right.. it's a two way street.  It's pretty rare to find a trustworthy friend.  You can have many friends but TRUE friends are rare.  Things my friend and I shared with each other will go to our graves.


----------



## fancicoffee13

Lochkelly said:


> I find myself in this situation more and more these days.  I just need someone to talk to, a sounding board if you will, no judging.  Sometimes I just need to get things off my chest.
> 
> Anyone else in this predicament?


Yes, indeed!  Lots of people need this.  Someone to just air things, just listen to me so I can tell you, be patient.  Self talk is good too.


----------



## fancicoffee13

officerripley said:


> And then there are those of us who aren't good at making friends. So I guess it's like with other things: sometimes you have to pay for it (being listened to, in this case).


Sometimes, I make myself listen instead of talking.  And I do like to talk a lot!


----------



## MarciKS

Lochkelly said:


> I find myself in this situation more and more these days.  I just need someone to talk to, a sounding board if you will, no judging.  Sometimes I just need to get things off my chest.
> 
> Anyone else in this predicament?


Often. And often times there's no one to reach out to that would even begin to understand.


----------



## jerry old

Yea, we all need someone, often we are seclusive, don't know how to reach out.
Where do we go, what do we do?
From the number of response, this does not appear to be a rare problem.


----------



## peppermint

My goodness....I cried for some that are alone here....I guess I can say I am lucky...I have a wonderful husband....
My son and daughter in law live 2 blocks from us...They both are always looking after us....Their daughter just bought
a home....She lives in the same town and and see her when she isn't working...She is a nurse..

My daughter keeps tabs on us...She is one hour away...But her and the family have been coming over this summer
to keep us company....My brother came to see us ...He lives in another part of the State.
I do talk to some of my friends....on the phone....

Be well, everyone....Keep the faith...


----------



## deesierra

Lochkelly said:


> I find myself in this situation more and more these days.  I just need someone to talk to, a sounding board if you will, no judging.  Sometimes I just need to get things off my chest.
> 
> Anyone else in this predicament?


Are you on Facebook? It's a great place to get things off your chest. You just have to be prepared for disparaging comments.


----------



## Morningglory

Lochkelly said:


> I find myself in this situation more and more these days.  I just need someone to talk to, a sounding board if you will, no judging.  Sometimes I just need to get things off my chest.
> 
> Anyone else in this predicament?


Yes! Very much so


----------



## Morningglory

Lissabee said:


> I feel like I’m losing my relationship with my adult daughter and teenage granddaughter, even though we live right next door. A few years ago my health problems started limiting my ability to do normal household chores and cleaning. I asked my daughter if she could offer me a little help. I know she’s busy, as a single mom, but wasn’t asking for a lot. I now live in a hoarder house that is beyond caring for at all. They don’t want to talk about it, they don’t even want to acknowledge the reality. I can’t afford to pay anyone and refuse to have anyone to come to my home, even for needed for repairs.They never come to my house because it’s too disgusting for them but don’t have a problem with me living in these conditions. It is embarrassing and humiliating. I spoiled my daughter too much growing up. I’m still providing her a place to live. Her job doesn’t pay enough for her to live on. My granddaughter tells me I’m selfish and only care about myself. This coming from the person I love more than anything in the world. I considered suicide, but I don’t want to make my family feel guilty. So I decided that was not a option. I’m not qualified for a nursing home and would really prefer dying to that. I can only be thankful for my dogs and cats, who give me greatly needed love. I’m also thankful for the years that my girls and I had a loving, laugh- filled relationship. I have tryed to initiate a meaningful conversation but it never works out well. I am at the point now that I’m giving up and my destiny is to live and die in these circumstances. Never could I imagine that my life would be like this.


Oh lisabee


Lissabee said:


> I feel like I’m losing my relationship with my adult daughter and teenage granddaughter, even though we live right next door. A few years ago my health problems started limiting my ability to do normal household chores and cleaning. I asked my daughter if she could offer me a little help. I know she’s busy, as a single mom, but wasn’t asking for a lot. I now live in a hoarder house that is beyond caring for at all. They don’t want to talk about it, they don’t even want to acknowledge the reality. I can’t afford to pay anyone and refuse to have anyone to come to my home, even for needed for repairs.They never come to my house because it’s too disgusting for them but don’t have a problem with me living in these conditions. It is embarrassing and humiliating. I spoiled my daughter too much growing up. I’m still providing her a place to live. Her job doesn’t pay enough for her to live on. My granddaughter tells me I’m selfish and only care about myself. This coming from the person I love more than anything in the world. I considered suicide, but I don’t want to make my family feel guilty. So I decided that was not a option. I’m not qualified for a nursing home and would really prefer dying to that. I can only be thankful for my dogs and cats, who give me greatly needed love. I’m also thankful for the years that my girls and I had a loving, laugh- filled relationship. I have tryed to initiate a meaningful conversation but it never works out well. I am at the point now that I’m giving up and my destiny is to live and die in these circumstances. Never could I imagine that my life would be like this.


oh Lissabee, I'm very sorry about your situation, mine situation of living alone and age 83 is hard for me to do a lot around the house but I get no help either, but I do the best I can,so frustrating tho a lot! Hang in there God has a plan for us all!


----------



## Colleen

I've been cut off from my friends since 2014 when my husband decided he wanted to live in AZ instead of PA. I hate AZ with a passion (for more reasons than I can say on here!) and the place we live is nothing but unfriendly, backstabbing, gossips that have moved in from other places...mostly CA. We are a retirement "community" but if you're not in their clique, you're excluded. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life here and having no one to share interests with. I left them all in PA


----------



## Lewkat

Sure, we all need this from time to time.


----------



## Phoenix

Lochkelly said:


> View attachment 76315


I found that when I truly needed it the good friends that  I thought would be there, weren't.  It's a corkscrew to the heart.  Now even those I used to just plop myself on, have passed away, a bunch of them recently.  If you need someone to listen in a private conversation, start a conversation with me.


----------



## deesierra

Colleen said:


> I've been cut off from my friends since 2014 when my husband decided he wanted to live in AZ instead of PA. I hate AZ with a passion (for more reasons than I can say on here!) and the place we live is nothing but unfriendly, backstabbing, gossips that have moved in from other places...mostly CA. We are a retirement "community" but if you're not in their clique, you're excluded. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life here and having no one to share interests with. I left them all in PA


You sound desperately unhappy with a lot of anger in your heart. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry you still hate AZ after all these years. Have you shared your feelings with your hubby?


----------



## uriaty

Lochkelly said:


> I find myself in this situation more and more these days.  I just need someone to talk to, a sounding board if you will, no judging.  Sometimes I just need to get things off my chest.
> 
> Anyone else in this predicament?


yes...these days im dealing with alot of life changes/issues..not really anyone to just sit...have coffee...and be able to tske some of it out...i do understand


----------



## Lewkat

Most of us have one or two best friends throughout our lives with whom we can share anything and everything.  I am not speaking of spouses, that's a different kettle of fish.  My husband was indeed my very best friend in the entire universe, but in the everyday scheme of things, there were some topics that simply were not of interest to us as a couple.  However, we can often find those rare individuals who can honor a confidence and sadly my two best friends have passed on and also my husband.  My son and I are fairly close but now that I am dealing with a serious health issue, I am more closed mouth and I know he is angry to have to face this once again so soon.  He lost his wife a little over 2 years ago and now it's just us.  We've no other relatives to speak of and this frightens him no end.  I've told him to confide his feelings to our Priest who is also a family friend and who has gone through a lot in his lifetime to date.  It's good to get it off your chest, as the saying goes.


----------



## win231

deesierra said:


> You sound desperately unhappy with a lot of anger in your heart. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry you still hate AZ after all these years. Have you shared your feelings with your hubby?


That wouldn't help.  If her husband cared, he would have considered his wife's feelings before moving.


----------



## SetWave

I just talk to myself.


----------



## MarciKS

Sometimes that's the best company to keep.


----------



## SetWave

If only I would listen better to my own advice . . .


----------



## MarciKS

*shrugs* it is what it is...


----------



## CindyLouWho

Lochkelly said:


> I find myself in this situation more and more these days.  I just need someone to talk to, a sounding board if you will, no judging.  Sometimes I just need to get things off my chest.
> 
> Anyone else in this predicament?


Yes, for too long now.


----------



## Ladybj

fancicoffee13 said:


> Sometimes, I make myself listen instead of talking.  And I do like to talk a lot!


I like to talk as well.  However, I am learning to be a good listener was well.


----------



## SetWave

MarciKS said:


> *shrugs* it is what it is...


To that I cannot  help but ask, "And just what is it . . . ?" (just the smartass in me...)


----------



## MarciKS

SetWave said:


> To that I cannot  help but ask, "And just what is it . . . ?" (just the smartass in me...)


the fact that you don't listen to your own advice. either u do or u don't. is what it is. who's gonna care other than u? lol

frankly i've had better convos with myself.


----------



## Liberty

Funny  we are talking about this subject.  Today I got an "out of the blue" phone call from an old friend I've not 
talked to in years.  Long story, but had a great conversation with him and he'll probably call back.  Has had a lot 
of physical challenges.  

I like to have others talk to me, and am told I'm a very good listener...even though I do talk a lot sometimes, also.

We all need someone to talk to that really does care, I think.  

Like the writer said " I write so I know I'm not alone".

Sometimes nice to talk just for "grins", too.


----------



## Pixelfun

I believe this is true for most everyone. Some of us are lucky to be able to pull someone out of the hat at any given day or time while others stare at our phone.
Over the years, to cope, I've used a site called novni.com - it allows you to write down your thoughts, anonymously or not. You can ask for feedback or not. I've found it to be healing when I thought there was no one, so I didn't drown in my own thoughts and feelings


----------



## Ladybj

Yes.  However, I am fortunate to have someone to chat with when needed but there are times when I need someone to talk to but choose not to.  Such as tonight.  I chose to log on to this site.


----------



## MarciKS

Usually when I need someone to talk to no one is around. I've gotten used to tending to my own needs.


----------



## Verisure

MarciKS said:


> Usually when I need someone to talk to no one is around. I've gotten used to tending to my own needs.





Ladybj said:


> Yes.  However, I am fortunate to have someone to chat with when needed but there are times when I need someone to talk to but choose not to.  Such as tonight.  I chose to log on to this site.



Not all ears are equally sympathetic and advice is only as good as the source. I wouldn't ask Mick Jagger to recommend a good film and I wouldn't discuss romance with my sister-in-law.


----------



## dobielvr

MarciKS said:


> Usually when I need someone to talk to no one is around. I've gotten used to tending to my own needs.


I know what you mean..
I was wishing I had someone to talk to about some new insurance I'm getting for my home and auto.  I have questions!

I prob will ask my neighbor, but I may ask around here too.  I need to clarify some things and see if I should get towing included on my auto policy for $5.34 , or just stick w/AAA for towing?  I have to dbl chk pricing and miles and stuff.

The tougher questions I'll save for my neighbor since he knows my home and it's value, etc.


----------



## MarciKS

dobielvr said:


> I know what you mean..
> I was wishing I had someone to talk to about some new insurance I'm getting for my home and auto.  I have questions!
> 
> I prob will ask my neighbor, but I may ask around here too.  I need to clarify some things and see if I should get towing included on my auto policy for $5.34 , or just stick w/AAA for towing?  I have to dbl chk pricing and miles and stuff.
> 
> The tougher questions I'll save for my neighbor since he knows my home and it's value, etc.


Why don't you ask the insurance person? If they're selling you the policy they should be able to answer your questions.


----------



## dobielvr

MarciKS said:


> Why don't you ask the insurance person? If they're selling you the policy they should be able to answer your questions.


I did.  I'm just trying to make up my mind which is better for me to do..


----------



## Liberty

dobielvr said:


> I know what you mean..
> I was wishing I had someone to talk to about some new insurance I'm getting for my home and auto.  I have questions!
> 
> I prob will ask my neighbor, but I may ask around here too.  I need to clarify some things and see if I should get towing included on my auto policy for $5.34 , or just stick w/AAA for towing?  I have to dbl chk pricing and miles and stuff.
> 
> The tougher questions I'll save for my neighbor since he knows my home and it's value, etc.


 Personally, think most people are over insured for their homes.  No matter what there will never be a 100%  value payback, since you will always have your land and slab and driveway...most people pay insurance for that.  I get the highest deductible allowed to get the lowest quote.


----------



## cdestroyer

I thought I had posted on this thread but after scanning the past posts I see I have not....Is posting email address allowed on this forum? cause if it is I will give out my phone number and we can talk, not as good as you being here but better than nothing!!!!!


----------



## Verisure

cdestroyer said:


> .... Is posting email address allowed on this forum?....


I don't think so.


----------



## dobielvr

Liberty said:


> Personally, think most people are over insured for their homes.  No matter what there will never be a 100%  value payback, since you will always have your land and slab and driveway...most people pay insurance for that.  I get the highest deductible allowed to get the lowest quote.


This guy gave me a $500 deductible, I originally have a $1000 deductible........I'm going to ask him to change that and a few other things, just to see the diff.

I'll prob  go w/someone else, he's charging me more for my auto than I currently have????


----------



## Ruthanne

I may have posted in this thread already but my view may have  changed some. I think I tend to post a lot on this Forum to kind of chat with people -we all need that- it's nice to have this place where you can talk to people and be yourself.


----------



## Pecos

Ruthanne said:


> I may have posted in this thread already but my view may have  changed some. I think I tend to post a lot on this Forum to kind of chat with people -we all need that- it's nice to have this place where you can talk to people and be yourself.


I fully agree and I have relied on this forum a lot over the last few months. Is is not the same as a face to face connection, but it sure helps me a lot to be able to interact with other people.


----------



## cdestroyer

well since I posted I would talk to them what is here, apparently yalls say ya wanna talk but noone answered up so I guess yas dont.... is okay,


----------



## Ronni

You can always send a private message and perhaps some will be comfortable sharing their email address with you. Don’t really see much difference between a private message”conversation”’here and an email convo, other than the extra step of having to log in here before accessing your conversations


----------



## Pecos

Ronni said:


> You can always send a private message and perhaps some will be comfortable sharing their email address with you. Don’t really see much difference between a private message”conversation”’here and an email convo, other than the extra step of having to log in here before accessing your conversations


I would be very reluctant to give my private email to anyone other than a long time poster who I had gotten to know over some period of time and who I trusted. Believe it or not, there are a few people here who are not what they pretend to be. Women should be very careful.

One big advantage to using a PM is that if things get out of control, the moderators can still step in, or the offending person can be put on ignore.


----------



## cdestroyer

the title of the post was TALK not pm. I offered to talk by voice to anyone here.


----------



## Verisure

cdestroyer said:


> the title of the post was TALK not pm. I offered to talk by voice to anyone here.


It is high time to respect their wishes and not make them feel ungrateful or unfriendly. There are enough reasons not to respond by voice or e-mail.


----------



## Verisure

Pecos said:


> I would be very reluctant to give my private email to anyone other than a long time poster who I had gotten to know over some period of time and who I trusted. Believe it or not, there are a few people here who are not what they pretend to be. Women should be very careful.
> 
> One big advantage to using a PM is that if things get out of control, the moderators can still step in, or the offending person can be put on ignore.


Yes.


----------



## Angelina

I've found it's better to keep my own counsel, so, no.


----------



## grahamg

cdestroyer said:


> the title of the post was TALK not pm. I offered to talk by voice to anyone here.


Very kind an offer but oh geez you probly cudna ken mi accent tha nows!


----------



## Verisure

grahamg said:


> Very kind and offer but oh geez you probly cudna ken mi accent tha nows!


Oh aye!


----------



## grahamg

Verisure said:


> Oh aye!


Och aye the noo,....


----------



## cdestroyer

well I dont think I would be calling the world!


----------



## JustBonee

My little dog listens well  ....  actually better than most people.


----------



## grahamg

cdestroyer said:


> well I dont think I would be calling the world!


Och well  !


Bonnie said:


> My little dog listens well  ....  actually better than most people.


Not greet talkers, but a noos wut chu mean!


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## hellomimi

Princess, our malti-poo is a great listener. I'd rather talk to her than those with negative vibes.


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