# Time is failing me



## cdestroyer (May 26, 2019)

In the navy when you handle the lines and reach the end it is called the 'bitter end'. My acute copd has reached a new level, one which no longer permits me freedom of movement without oxygen. Breathing has become very difficult accompained by a meriad of other problems, from dizziness, to fatigue.. Living alone does not help. In times of great stress there is noone to provide comfort, noone to ease the tension, noone to wipe my brow with a cool soothing cloth.

As a young man sailing the seas I never imagined the end. I never planned more than the days work. Never married nor had any children and old enough that most of the family are gone and any that remain no longer call.

The struggle to breath has become tiresome even with the medications. Time, a four letter word.


----------



## RadishRose (May 26, 2019)

I'm hoping you are able to get someone in the help you and chat for awhile each week, anyway. Also hoping you'll do well with the oxygen. Do you cook for yourself?


----------



## hollydolly (May 26, 2019)

It must be very frightening to be on your own, and not be able to breathe as well as struggling with other health problems, I'm so sorry you're going through this. 

Do you have any type of medical assistance that can come in to visit you on a  daily or weekly basis?


----------



## Sunny (May 26, 2019)

You shouldn't have to face this alone. Can you reach someone, maybe your medical practitioner, or a social worker, who can help you find a place where there are people to help?


----------



## cdestroyer (May 26, 2019)

radishrose:yes i cook
hollydolly: i am a vet so i have that for my meds (inhalers,nebulizers,oxygen) and most of the ER bills. does not pay anytime i need to stay as an inpatient but medicare pays most and i pay a deductible.
sunny: i pay a local woman to come once a week to help out, vacuums, laundry, but for other things i must accept certain types of help in order to get it and i have been somewhat reluctant to do so, that means giving up even more freedom.
but the inbetween times when noone is here and i have anxiety,stress shortness of breath i have to fight it out myself, or when i fall slightly under the weather there is noone. 
all the instate nursing elder care facilities are well beyond my finanacial ability.


----------



## drifter (May 27, 2019)

How long have you been on oxygen? What is your blood oxygen at rest? After you've messed around in the kitchen fixing you something to eat? What gets you short of breath? How long have you had copd? Of course you've been warned to watch the fire when wearing oxygen, what is it the VA says, stay five feet away from fire when wearing oxygen? You know to be careful. I
know in the early stages shortness of breath would scare the bejesus out of me. Now I cope with it farely well. It is more difficult when you are alone but one must learn to manage it. Lack of companionship, well that something else. Best wishes. Sitting here in a little wide spot in the road i've coped with some of it.


----------



## cdestroyer (May 27, 2019)

Drifter: it started sometime ago and had steadily worsened as of course that is the prognosis. I am out of oxygen if i am active. I used to be able to do without the oxygen, but now after my latest exacerbation i find i am always out of breath. o2 levels drop into the 80s until i get back on the juice. sitting i am fairly well off....the VA requires the new firesafe connector kits to be installed. the worse part is having a flareup and noone is here....


----------



## drifter (May 27, 2019)

Yes , the shortness of breath used to scare me, and worse if I was alone. I've learned to live with it. When you get out of breath try not to panic. Purse your lips like you are going to blow air out. Blow out,then draw air back in through your nose. Blow out to get rid of some bad gas in your lungs and to make room for little more oxygen. Do this two or three times the breathe normal but still pursing your lips. Practice this when you are not too short of breath, while sitting. I've had copd since
1996. I play a harmonica to exercise my diapharm and lungs. It is much approved by my VA medical staff. Practicing expelling air (bad gas) from your lungs periodically. Not hard but  while regularally breathing, just blow out longer. Good luck.


----------



## cdestroyer (May 28, 2019)

drifter: i know about the pursed lip breathing and i do practice it. but as you must know copd takes in a lot of lung problems. mine will not be helped by playing any wind instrument. i have emphysema and i have quit smoking some time ago but this disease has a very slow progression. the weather here the altitude the time of year all contribute to breathing problems. past exposure to asbestos, agent orange, diesel fumes, gunsmoke and pneumonia as a child have all had a cumulative effect. i deal with it the best i can.


----------



## drifter (May 28, 2019)

If you are in a high elevation that can make breathing much tougher. I also have emphysema and had to leave the high elevations of New Mexico because I couldn't breathe up there. And this diesease affects us all differently. It's a struggle.


----------



## cdestroyer (Jun 8, 2019)

I have just received some new inhaler jobby-do, called spiriva-respimat. my telenurse says after using it for awhile I should see some improvement in my breathing. I hope it helps some because the oxygen saturation has gone way down. So now I have albuterol sulfate/ipratropium bromide solution for nebulizer, combivent-respimat inhaler, albuteral rescue inhaler, symbicort inhaled steriod. I dont have anymore pockets in which to carry all this stuff......


----------



## cdestroyer (Jun 11, 2019)

Well the spiriva does appear to improve the uptake of oxygen a bit. Still when I have a flareup it takes quite sometime to get the lungs opened enough that I feel comfortable breathing. I am beginning to think that the concentrator does not put out the same pressure as a tank. I have had it checked and it is delivering 93% oxygen just that it feels as though it is not pushing as hard as that from a tank.


----------



## 911 (Jun 11, 2019)

Geez, I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. Is there any type of invasive procedure that can be done to make your lungs work better?


----------



## cdestroyer (Jun 16, 2019)

wokened during the night again with difficulty breathing even being on oxygen. oxygen concentration was at 91% yet it feels like I am not getting enough oxygen. I use my nebulizer and long term inhalers and the breathing slowly, slowly returns to a feeling of normal. woke at 3:30 and now it is 4:17.


----------



## cdestroyer (Jun 17, 2019)

every day I feel the seconds tick away. struggling to breath everyday is tiring. nearly house bound because to go out means to stress the body and that makes breathing difficult. now I hire a char lady to come do household chores, and maybe soon also to help bath.


----------



## Pepper (Jun 17, 2019)

That's hard.  Hate getting old.


----------



## 911 (Jul 20, 2019)

You haven’t written in your diary for awhile. Everything OK?


----------

