# I never had a Picture Perfect Family



## Bretrick (Oct 26, 2021)

As a child growing up in the 60's/70's the supposed real family life was depicted on Television via numerous shows.
The show I would not miss was "The Waltons" With a large household of 11?
Mamma, Pappa, Granma, Granpa, Johnboy, Mary Ellen, Jim-Bob, Jason, Erin, Ben, and Elizabeth,
Walton's Mountain was the setting. I enjoyed it because it showed a large family getting on together for the most part.

My large family was the opposite, siblings fighting constantly, alcoholic Father, Strict disciplinarian Mother/Grandmother.
I have no good memories from my childhood in the family household and could not wait to getaway from that toxic environment. Though it still took me until age 25 to find the courage to go out into the world and find my own way.
With the Walton's it was every household member saying goodnight to every other household member to emphasize that they were a family that stuck together and would look out for each other.

Something that is sadly missing in many families today.


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## Aneeda72 (Oct 26, 2021)

Well, if you like horror movies my family was “picture perfect”.  As for the Waltons, yup a nice fairy tale.

Welcome to the forum.


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## Bretrick (Oct 26, 2021)

Aneeda72 said:


> Well, if you like horror movies my family was “picture perfect”.  As for the Waltons, yup a nice fairy tale.
> 
> Welcome to the forum.


 After some years I realised that the Walton's were not a typical representation of family life.
At the time, they offered me a glimpse of what might have been possible
Thank you for welcoming me here.


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## Sassycakes (Oct 26, 2021)

My immediate family was my Dad, Mom older brother and sister, and me. Luckily my Aunts and Uncles on my mother's side of the family and their kids all lived near us. It was wonderful living near so many cousins. The opposite with my Dad's family. His parents hated my Mom for my Dad being young when they got married and the hatred carried over to me, my brother, and sister.


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## Bretrick (Oct 26, 2021)

Sassycakes said:


> My immediate family was my Dad, Mom older brother and sister, and me. Luckily my Aunts and Uncles on my mother's side of the family and their kids all lived near us. It was wonderful living near so many cousins. The opposite with my Dad's family. His parents hated my Mom for my Dad being young when they got married and the hatred carried over to me, my brother, and sister.


There are some sad family situations out there.
As we mature, we can for the most part remove ourselves from toxic situations.
Or limit our exposure to said situations


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## Gary O' (Oct 26, 2021)

I never had a Picture Perfect Family​Heh, show me anyone that looked like they did, and I'll show you parents in the public eye.


Bretrick said:


> As a child growing up in the 60's/70's the supposed real family life was depicted on Television via numerous shows.


And that's where they were.

​


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## Capt Lightning (Oct 27, 2021)

In my early days of the 50's and 60's, we had a lot of American shows (and some homegrown ones) with perfectly groomed parents and children.  By the 70's, we were starting to get more 'earthy' comedy programmes like "Steptoe & Son"  or "Till death us do part". 
This period  also saw the emergence of the "Kitchen-sink drama",  the name given to plays about the daily struggles of ordinary working class people. Plays in this category often dealt with social issues such as poor living conditions, lack of employment, poverty and relationships.

I'm not sure if they made people sympathetic, or happy that these shows weren't about them.


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## Lewkat (Oct 27, 2021)

I don't think most families were what one could call picture perfect.  I was born at the height of the depression, went into WWII, Korean War, Viet Nam War, and all those that followed.  Each family had it toils and troubles through every era.


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## Bretrick (Oct 27, 2021)

Capt Lightning said:


> In my early days of the 50's and 60's, we had a lot of American shows (and some homegrown ones) with perfectly groomed parents and children.  By the 70's, we were starting to get more 'earthy' comedy programmes like "Steptoe & Son"  or "Till death us do part".
> This period  also saw the emergence of the "Kitchen-sink drama",  the name given to plays about the daily struggles of ordinary working class people. Plays in this category often dealt with social issues such as poor living conditions, lack of employment, poverty and relationships.
> 
> I'm not sure if they made people sympathetic, or happy that these shows weren't about them.


Those later shows where more believable and resonated with many people because they were dealing with the realities of the struggle of life.
The Waltons was not really reality for the majority of people but it did show one family's experiences growing up during the Great Depression and World War 2.
A time when everyone valued family values as a way of getting through the turmoil of those depressing years


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## Irwin (Oct 27, 2021)

The things that happen to us during our childhoods, good and bad, stick with us throughout our lives. Some people are able to overcome the bad and have perfectly normal, happy lives. Others never recover and suffer from it with all sorts of psychological and emotional issues that affect everything from interpersonal relationships to success in their careers.

I think most parents do a good enough job raising their children so the children grow up with healthy self-esteem and feel loved and feel worthy of love and good things in life. That's what self-esteem is... to feel like you deserve to be happy and loved. But there are parents who are unfit. That's one of the reasons these anti-abortion zealots piss me off so much. They're generating environments for abuse.


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## Bretrick (Oct 27, 2021)

Irwin said:


> The things that happen to us during our childhoods, good and bad, stick with us throughout our lives. Some people are able to overcome the bad and have perfectly normal, happy lives. Others never recover and suffer from it with all sorts of psychological and emotional issues that affect everything from interpersonal relationships to success in their careers.
> 
> I think most parents do a good enough job raising their children so the children grow up with healthy self-esteem and feel loved and feel worthy of love and good things in life. That's what self-esteem is... to feel like you deserve to be happy and loved. But there are parents who are unfit. That's one of the reasons these anti-abortion zealots piss me off so much. They're generating environments for abuse.


Though no one can stop them, some people should never be parents. That may sound harsh but it is my belief.
What hope does a child have being born into a very bad situation. Saddens me immensely when I see how some families are.


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## Irwin (Oct 27, 2021)

Bretrick said:


> Those later shows where more believable and resonated with many people because they were dealing with the realities of the struggle of life.
> The Waltons was not really reality for the majority of people but it did show one family's experiences growing up during the Great Depression and World War 2.
> A time when everyone valued family values as a way of getting through the turmoil of those depressing years


I never watched The Waltons and had no idea that was about the depression. Hmmm.

The 1930s were a fascinating time. That's when blues music gained in popularity with Robert Johnson and Blind Lemon Jefferson making their great music, thanks in part to New Deal programs. Folk and bluegrass music also thrived during that era with the Carter family, and there were the singing cowboys... great stuff! Just a few decades later, country music and blues merged to form rockabilly, which became rock-n-roll!

A lot of great literature came out of the depression, too, when writers such as John Steinbeck and William Falkner created some of their iconic novels. Of course, the '30s also brought us the rise of fascism in Europe, which wouldn't have occurred if not for the immense suffering and scapegoating during the Great Depression. But at least we got some great literature out of it!


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## fmdog44 (Oct 27, 2021)

Growing up none of my friends had ideal families including me.


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## Bretrick (Oct 27, 2021)

Irwin said:


> I never watched The Waltons and had no idea that was about the depression. Hmmm.
> 
> The 1930s were a fascinating time. That's when blues music gained in popularity with Robert Johnson and Blind Lemon Jefferson made their great music, thanks in part to New Deal programs. Folk and bluegrass music also thrived during that era with the Carter family, and there were the singing cowboys... great stuff! Just a few decades later, country music and blues merged to form rockabilly, which became rock-n-roll!
> 
> A lot of great literature came out of the depression, too, when writers such as John Steinbeck and William Falkner created some of their iconic novels. Of course, the '30s also brought us the rise of fascism in Europe, which wouldn't have occurred if not for the immense suffering and scapegoating during the Great Depression. But at least we got some great literature out of it!


The Waltons was not about the Great Depression. It was set during the Depression years and into the second World War.


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## Remy (Oct 27, 2021)

I didn't either. No family is perfect. But I remember my stepfather's family and his mother. She was the only grandparent figure I ever had. I was young, I know these people were not perfect. One of my stepfather's wife was an alcoholic and I think there was arguing. Neither of their two kids ever had children. Kind of telling. 

Like I said, I was young, starting at 7, but I remember them being kind to me. They were big on get togethers for holidays. My mother put an end to it isolating us. My stepfather let her. From what I've found out, this is not unusual for borderline personality disorder which my mother most certainly was. My mother was an immigrant, no family here.


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## Capt Lightning (Oct 28, 2021)

Bretrick said:


> Though no one can stop them, some people should never be parents. That may sound harsh but it is my belief.
> What hope does a child have being born into a very bad situation. Saddens me immensely when I see how some families are.


I think that you generalise too much..  Many people have pulled themselves up to have  very successful lives...
As an example, I recommend the books "The road to Nab End" and "beyond Nab End"  - the autobiographies of William Woodruff.  He grew up amidst the poverty of the Lancashire cotton towns, and through his own efforts, ended up as a university professor.

The books are very readable in their own right and tell a true story more extraodinary than any you could make up.


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## Paco Dennis (Oct 28, 2021)

I grew up in sunny Cupertino, Ca.. We had palm trees, fruit trees, endless sunny days, great food, and a "Leave to Beaver" like household. I was totally asleep. I thought everything was REAL. Sure there was plenty of mischief with one younger brother and one older, but that just normal for this dream. One day it suddenly stopped. My Mom died in our house by accident. Waking up is hard to do!


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## Bretrick (Oct 28, 2021)

Paco Dennis said:


> I grew up in sunny Cupertino, Ca.. We had palm trees, fruit trees, endless sunny days, great food, and a "Leave to Beaver" like household. I was totally asleep. I thought everything was REAL. Sure there was plenty of mischief with one younger brother and one older, but that just normal for this dream. One day it suddenly stopped. My Mom died in our house by accident. Waking up is hard to do!


It can be a huge shock when the ideal existence starts to unravel. Somehow we get through it and continue our lives a little the worse for wear.


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## charry (Oct 28, 2021)

There was 5 of us growing up, I was the youngest so mum spoilt me ....
Thankgod I wasn’t the 3rd daughter, she had a tough time with Mum
I never liked my dad , and I don’t see any of my siblings now , as I was always the spoilt brat, and they were always jealous of me and still are ......
Family’s Ah !!!


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## Bretrick (Oct 28, 2021)

charry said:


> There was 5 of us growing up, I was the youngest so mum spoilt me ....
> Thankgod I wasn’t the 3rd daughter, she had a tough time with Mum
> I never liked my dad , and I don’t see any of my siblings now , as I was always the spoilt brat, and they were always jealous of me and still are ......
> Family’s Ah !!!


There were 5 of us as well. All of us fled the family home and got as far away from each other as possible.
I have had no contact with any of my siblings for 32 years. Lately I have been thinking about contacting one of my brothers. I found his address 3 years ago but am yet to reach out. I may never reach out.


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## charry (Oct 29, 2021)

Bretrick said:


> There were 5 of us as well. All of us fled the family home and got as far away from each other as possible.
> I have had no contact with any of my siblings for 32 years. Lately I have been thinking about contacting one of my brothers. I found his address 3 years ago but am yet to reach out. I may never reach out.


 I understand bretrick, I have a brother I got on well with when younger.....
But I’ve seen them for what they are like ...  and I  don’t like them x


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## feywon (Oct 29, 2021)

Few if anyone does.  Most families that *appear *that way on the surface are often simply better at keeping things within the family. It helps to not be public figure and thus a target of people seeking 'mud' to throw.


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## Llynn (Oct 29, 2021)

My family was just my Mother and me. 

When I witnessed some of the mayhem going on in the families of some of my schoolmates, I really considered myself lucky.


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## feywon (Oct 29, 2021)

@Irwin said:
"The things that happen to us during our childhoods, good and bad, stick with us throughout our lives. Some people are able to overcome the bad and have perfectly normal, happy lives. Others never recover and suffer from it with all sorts of psychological and emotional issues that affect everything from interpersonal relationships to success in their careers."

i agree. Often even within the same family some will 'recover' from problematic childhoods and others will bear the burden of how it shapes the rest of their lives. Two of my sisters (technically half sisters from Dad's first marriage) the wounds stayed open almost their whole lives from damage done from a few years in the children's home after being removed from their mother's care. Dad was in Merchant Marine at the time and emotionally estranged from his first wife, men rarely even asked for custody in those days. The eldest sister managed to find some healing developing "that was then, this now", and "that's on the people who damaged me not, my fault and not my destiny" strategies that i later found helpful tho my issues were quite different than theirs. 

Ironically the only one of us to develop  what looked like a 'successful' life--financial and marital stability--is still just hiding her emotional demons away. For her the idea of staying married to same man for over 50 yrs and living in the same house almost that long equalled success even if she was often profoundly unhappy in her marriage.  Her first hubby died a few years ago, after a couple of years of being very ill.  A year or so later she married a man who understands her needs better and makes her laugh.  As much as i think she would long term benefit from facing her trauma, not my place to force her---and i love her--and if she can just find some joy in her final years i'm happy for her.


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## oldiebutgoody (Oct 29, 2021)

I've mentioned on other threads that my childhood was worse than Hell. Whenever I watched the Donna Reed Show, Ozzie & Harriet, My Three Sons, Life With Father, etc I would get so upset that my life wasn't as ideal as those presented on TV.  But such is life.


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