# When does physical punishment turn into abuse of a child?



## Ralphy1 (Sep 17, 2014)

The recent case against an NFL player who used a switch on his boy of four has brought the "spanking" issue to the fore again.  Many believe that he went too far but that physical punishment is good in theory as it is the only thing that young children understand.  What kind of discipline were you subjected to as a child and what kind did you use on your children?


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## hollydolly (Sep 17, 2014)

I was violently abused the whole of my childhood by my father and although less so by my mother, still hit with anything they could get hold of to beat me with. Boots, feet, fists, broom handles , belts . My father broke my spine when he laid into me with his steel toe cap boots and when I was 15 years old as he continued to kick me until I couldn't stand up and still he dragged me up trying to make me stand so he could continue the onslought. I was never allowed to go to the hospital, I was always covered in bruises.

Needless to say I tried to the best of my ability to raise mine in the exact opposite way with regard discipline. When required a slight smack on the back of the hand was more than enough, but usually she was just ordered to go to her room and out of my way...I was terrified if I got angry I would turn into my parents.!!


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## Ralphy1 (Sep 17, 2014)

hollydolly, that you survived your childhood is truly amazing. Did you need any type of counseling to deal with such a horrendous background?


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## hollydolly (Sep 17, 2014)

Yes I probably should have had counselling, but I never sought it out tbh Ralphy..  I just kept going as best as I could through life..


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## Warrigal (Sep 17, 2014)

An NFL player beating a four year old? Not in my house.
My hubby is a big man with a bear sized paw and I never let him hit our children.

I, on the other hand, did smack them when I deemed it necessary.
I used my open hand to deliver a stinging, but not heavy, slap in the interests of safety, for example if they disobeyed warnings not to touch a power point or ignored an instruction to stop at the kerb when we were out walking. Sometimes, when they were over excited and being completely obnoxious and out of control I found a slap was a circuit breaker, producing tears followed by a willingness to have the sleep that they needed. As they grew older slapping was left behind and I used tone of voice and facial expressions to do the same thing as a slap when they were small. 

My daughter has brought up her four without the need to slap (as far as I know) and her kids have turned out fine. Better than fine.


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## Justme (Sep 17, 2014)

In the UK you are deemed to have abused your child if you leave a mark when spanking them, and rightly so.


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## hollydolly (Sep 17, 2014)

Justme said:


> In the UK you are deemed to have abused your child if you leave a mark when spanking them, and rightly so.



Yes unfortunately only recently, not when I was a child or even when mine were young


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## Lee (Sep 17, 2014)

Children learn by example and getting hit teaches kids to hit others.....that's the new thinking. Could be why there are so many kids in juvenile facilities. They have never known what punishment is.


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## Davey Jones (Sep 17, 2014)

Dame Warrigal said:


> An NFL player beating a four year old? Not in my house.
> My hubby is a big man with a bear sized paw and I never let him hit our children.
> 
> I, on the other hand, did smack them when I deemed it necessary.
> ...



Each and every parents has to deal with their children in their own way without the so called "expert"telling them how to deal with it. Most parents are excellent in dealing with  their kids.I got beating lots of times and I deserved it,I beat my own 3 kids when they deserved it and todays in their 40's they too are excellent parents.
Its the single Mothers and Fathers that cause all these headlines. Some are not fit to be parents but they keep multiplying anyhow.


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## QuickSilver (Sep 17, 2014)

A well placed flat handed slap on the bottom is sometimes necessary to just get their attention.  Using a weapon, and leaving wounds is abuse IMO.


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## Twixie (Sep 17, 2014)

I was never slapped as a child..one ''look'' from my mother was enough..

My ex Mother-in-law used to tell me horrific tales of being thrashed with stinging nettles..


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## AprilT (Sep 17, 2014)

If there's bruising, they've gone too far.  I'm fine with spanking up to a point and never out of anger.

I suffered through abuses, but not at the hand of my parents, my mom was the one who dished out most of the discipline and she wasn't very harsh with her spankings, it almost seemed to pain her more than it did her children, but, it sure kept me from running into the street in front of moving cars, but, the best life lessons I learned from her were taught through her words and wanting to please her because she was so loving and kind hearted.  But then, some of my siblings might have a different story, they might not have been so obedient.


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## Twixie (Sep 17, 2014)

If I was naughty..I got the ''wait till your father get's home''scenario..

My father did nothing...


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## SeaBreeze (Sep 17, 2014)

Hollydolly, very sorry you had to go through all that...hugs.  My mother spanked me as a child when I deserved it, never excessive or abusive at all.  I haven't seen the marks on the football player's child, but I think that something like this should be dealt with privately, and not the main story on the news, when there's so many other things going on that we should be updated on.


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## Coleman (Sep 17, 2014)

Times change. I can remember people saying, "so and so doesn't discipline their kids. They should take a belt to those rowdy urchins."


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## Twixie (Sep 17, 2014)

Yes..times do change..at the moment in England..there are a lot of ''****** abuse'' cases dating from the 50's..60's and 70's...usually the men who have been accused were television personalities at the time..some of them have gone to prison already..but being a young girl in the sixties..I knew I had to avoid certain men..the butcher who would try to grope me...The uncle who would try to kiss me and ram his tongue down my throat...The guy over the field at the back of my house who would open his pants and show me his erect penis on a regular basis..

If I'd have reported any of these people to the police..I would have been laughed out of the police station..

They didn't care...There was a saying at the time..''Kids should be seen but not heard!''


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## Ina (Sep 17, 2014)

When I was eleven, (1962), I was drug by my mother into a police station to report the abuse that I had received from my father. She had a good time showing off for the policemen, and they had a good time ogling me. And best of all my mother got her uncontested divorce, and my father got me back. If there was a Child Protective Service back then, those policemen didn't see the need to contact them.   I just felt all the more dirty, that's when I learned to run away from issues I has NO control over. :hide:


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