# Family BBQ question



## debbie in seattle (Jun 3, 2017)

When my husband's family gets together (a very large family), everyone brings their own food and doesn't share!    I've never seen this before and think it's the weirdest thing.   Everyone hovers over their own food and guards it like a bunch of hyenas.    One poor 'newer' husband took someone else's' potato salad and was 'corrected' telling him he wasn't allowed to do that.   The next year, he actually showed up again and brought his own KFC.   I always thought family + BBQ meant things were brought to be shared and have family time.


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## Aunt Bea (Jun 4, 2017)

Years ago we had large family gatherings where we would each bring our own meat and cook it over a communal fire.  Salads, sides, etc...  were set out on a long table for everyone to share.  I thought that was awkward enough but your situation seems very odd and unwelcoming to me.

I'm not a fan of pot lucks but in these situations I favor the loaves and fishes approach, put all of the food out on the table and make everyone welcome.


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## Butterfly (Jun 4, 2017)

I agree with Aunt Bea.  I've been to a lot of BBQs where you bring your own meat along with a side dish to share with everyone.  Hovering over and protecting one's own food seems very poor form to me.  I would have never said anything to that "newer" husband -- quite rude to do so, I think.

Even our huge neighborhood annual BBQ get together in the park does it this way.  You bring your own meat and another dish to share.  Drinks are provided from neighborhood association dues.


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## Ken N Tx (Jun 4, 2017)

Aunt Bea said:


> Years ago we had large family gatherings where we would each bring our own meat and cook it over a communal fire.  Salads, sides, etc...  were set out on a long table for everyone to share.  I thought that was awkward enough but your situation seems very odd and unwelcoming to me.
> 
> I'm not a fan of pot lucks but in these situations I favor the loaves and fishes approach, put all of the food out on the table and make everyone welcome.


Ditto..Dish to pass


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## jujube (Jun 4, 2017)

When I was a young'un, we used to have "pitch-in dinners" at church about four times a year.  Everyone brought a sharing dish, maybe fried chicken, maybe a casserole or potato salad, maybe a chocolate cake, usually the BEST fried chicken and casserole and potato salad and chocolate cake in the world.  Compliments would be bestowed and the ladies would beam with pride.   

Our next-door neighbors would come and would only eat what they had brought, nothing else.  The wife would always say, "I'm sorry but I don't know what kind of kitchen the rest of this food was prepared in."  That was usually rightfully accepted as an insult by the rest of the church ladies.  Why even come and participate if all you're going to do is insult the rest of the attendees?

In the case of your husband's family, Debbie, they should just go to a restaurant and everyone order their own food.  Heck, in my family, even when everyone does order their own food, we eat off each other's plates....."Ooooh, that looks good! Gimme a taste!"


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## helenbacque (Jun 4, 2017)

"Well, I never!!" as my southern grandma would say.  That's not how it's done in the south.  Everything spread out on a large table and everyone welcome to all.  It was a point of pride to have your dish empty and licked clean by the end of the meal.  Two sure-fire winners ... fried chicken and chocolate pie.  If you took home either, it was time to find an other recipe.


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## Steve LS (Jun 4, 2017)

debbie in seattle said:


> When my husband's family gets together (a very large family), everyone brings their own food and doesn't share!  ..............


I'm with you, that's very *odd*.
If we're hosting a BBQ, we supply the meat and family and friends bring salads, veggies, desert, etc..

We supply beer, wine and soda but the guests always bring what they're drinking.

We always share everything.


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## terry123 (Jun 7, 2017)

At church suppers we always shared and my best friend's husband always asked me to bring my peach cobbler as he loved it.  Everybody always avoided the pastor wife's dish as she was a terrible cook and had a dirty kitchen.


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## JustBonee (Jun 7, 2017)

I remember my mother telling me a story years ago about a large company picnic they had,   and everyone was to bring a dish to share.  
Well,  one dense woman  showed up with a can of baked beans, unopened, and she put it on the table like that.  
At the end of the day.. surprise! ..  her can was still sitting there, so she picked it up and took it home.  
Some people....


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## Ruth n Jersey (Jun 7, 2017)

I saw that happen years ago at a family picnic on my husbands side. Some distant relative of his hoovered over the food they brought also. They had a mean look about them. I think if anyone even attempted to go near the food they would be missing a few fingers.I think they had a meat cleaver hidden away for that purpose. You wouldn't find that happening on my side of the family. In my family people brought side dishes and everything was shared. Sometimes,when it was time to leave my mom would put  slices of cake on paper plates with a napkin over them for anyone to take home and enjoy.


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## hauntedtexan (Jun 7, 2017)

debbie in seattle said:


> When my husband's family gets together (a very large family), everyone brings their own food and doesn't share!    I've never seen this before and think it's the weirdest thing.   Everyone hovers over their own food and guards it like a bunch of hyenas.    One poor 'newer' husband took someone else's' potato salad and was 'corrected' telling him he wasn't allowed to do that.   The next year, he actually showed up again and brought his own KFC.   I always thought family + BBQ meant things were brought to be shared and have family time.


Have to guess that sometime in the past, an overblown issue rose out of chronic mootching by one of the family members..... Be fun to investigate that...


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## nvtribefan (Jun 7, 2017)

jujube said:


> Our next-door neighbors would come and would only eat what they had brought, nothing else.  The wife would always say, "I'm sorry but I don't know what kind of kitchen the rest of this food was prepared in."   Why even come and participate if all you're going to do is insult the rest of the attendees?



Both of those are good points.


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## HazyDavey (Jun 8, 2017)

Sharing is caring..   I always liked the thought of trying someone else's tater or green salad, bread, or whatever else is there or on the grill. Everybody is also welcomed to whatever we bring to the barbeque. I think it's fun to try different things and trade cooking ideas.. :encouragement:

Darn.. Thinking of barbequing is making me hungry and my coffee just isn't doing it for me.


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