# Sometime before i pass on



## Traveler (Dec 24, 2017)

Sometime before I pass on, I'd really like to know if there is anything that takes a woman's breath away, anything that causes her to feel a deep sense of desire. 

Men, as a general rule, are not very complicated creatures. Although there are a few exceptions, we all want pretty much the same things. We look forward to a decent meal, most of us enjoy sporting events, and we go batty over a beautiful woman. 
Tastes may differ, but there is not a man alive that has not seen some stunningly gorgeous woman and said to himself, "OH. MY. GOD". This is accompanied by a sharp intake of breath and a deep sense of longing for the unattainable. 

Women know, with absolute certainty, exactly how to get a man's undivided attention. Think back to a time when we were younger and our hormones were running wild. It may have happened at a social occasion, when suddenly we were aware that an attractive woman was smiling at us, in that special way. If she is seriously interested in him, she knows what to do. All she has to do is walk over to him and position herself within a few inches of him, look into his eyes and smile. Instantly, the hormones are raging. She has landed him !

Yes, I know, women, as a general rule, are not ready for sex at the drop of a hat. But is there anything, anything at all, which causes a woman to have a comparable feeling of desire ?

It is claimed that Sigmund Freud once asked, at the end of his career, "What the hell do women want"?
Seriously, before I die, I'd dearly love an answer to that question.


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## Warrigal (Dec 25, 2017)

Many things, not necessarily all of them.

A resonant, deep, masculine voice.
A straight back and broad shoulders.
Listening at least as much as talking. 
Clean hair and fingernails.
Kindness to animals.
Sense of fun.

Does that help?


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## Traveler (Dec 25, 2017)

Hmm. An interesting and somewhat surprising post.


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## hollydolly (Dec 25, 2017)

oooh  for me it's definitely some -one who listens  and has empathy.. someone who enjoys talking and contributing to a conversation and enjoys it.

Someone who laughs readily..


...and a definite turn on for me is an educated man...I would fall for an unattractive  professor or a perceived  unattractive but Intelligent  blue collar worker  very much more than a super handsome  unintelligent Actor for example.....and also anyone who has a musical talent will get me every time..


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## Shalimar (Dec 25, 2017)

Kind to animals and small children.
Quirky sense of humour.
Intelligent, original mind.
Able to be emotional.
Passionate about what is important to him.
Excellent communication skills, enjoys conversation.
Empathetic.
Beautiful hands. Not a prerequisite, of course.
Loves water.
Ethical/compassionate.
Willing to be silly, and play with me. That is a game changer.
Imagination.


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## RadishRose (Dec 25, 2017)

Seeing a man protecting a child.


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## Sunny (Dec 25, 2017)

In addition to all of the above, I think women are drawn toward an "alpha male" type. By that, I definitely don't mean a swaggering, bossy type. I mean a man who seems to understand what is right, and what is important in life, and takes positive steps to pursue those things. And can be counted on to be loyal and protective. In other words, a man who is internally strong, and hopefully somewhat wise as well.


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## Mrs. Robinson (Dec 25, 2017)

Jimmy G.

You probably have to be a SF 49er fan to know what I`m talkin` about lol....


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## applecruncher (Dec 25, 2017)

Tall 
Broad shoulders
Nice hair
Good teeth
Articulate, educated
Hygiene - clean & smells good
Twinkle in his eye
Knows how to fix things
Nice to employees in stores & restaurants


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## RadishRose (Dec 25, 2017)

Men and women are just wired differently.
Men turn on by simply a body or a body part.
Women are wired to turn on to many things beyond the physique, that lead to the long term protection of the family.

It makes me laugh when I hear of men sending or texting a photo of one body part to a woman convinced it will turn her on because that would turn him on.

 Lol, NOT! If she says it does, she's probably lying .


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## Falcon (Dec 25, 2017)

All good ones Girls.

You've just described ME !


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## RadishRose (Dec 25, 2017)

Falcon said:


> All good ones Girls.
> 
> You've just described ME !



You betcha, Falcon!


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## Olivia (Dec 25, 2017)

> But is there anything, anything at all, which causes a woman to have a comparable feeling of desire ?




Yes, and it's called----LOVE.   And that takes time knowing a person. Doesn't even have to start as an instant attraction. It's interesting how another person's looks can change over time as feelings grow.  That's probably explains why people can look at couples and wonder why one person is attracted to their partner when to an onlooker he or she is just not really attractive compared to the other.  Kind of like the song "Looking Through the Eyes of Love" by Melissa Manchester.


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## CindyLouWho (Dec 25, 2017)

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## Traveler (Dec 25, 2017)

Well, this is getting quite interesting.  So far, the overwhelming #1 trait most admired by women is some variation on the following: kindness, empathy, compassion, and protective. 

There is a 2nd place tie between grooming/hygiene  and intelligence.

One person mentioned, tall.  Just out of curiosity, what happened to, "Tall, Dark and Handsome ? Or is that a thing of novels and Hollywood ?


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## Shalimar (Dec 25, 2017)

Traveler said:


> Well, this is getting quite interesting.  So far, the overwhelming #1 trait most admired by women is some variation on the following: kindness, empathy, compassion, and protective.
> 
> There is a 2nd place tie between grooming/hygiene  and intelligence.
> 
> One person mentioned, tall.  Just out of curiosity, what happened to, "Tall, Dark and Handsome ? Or is that a thing of novels and Hollywood ?


Tall, dark, and handsome is a lovely visual, but not enough to build a relationship on. My son’s father was the most gorgeous man I have ever seen, although, tall, blond, and handsome. Loll. He would have given the statue of David a run for it’s money. Sadly, he was Peter Pan, and with very few ethics. Eventually, we parted ways. My son now thanks me for that difficult choice, as his dad became violent in later years. ( After we were split up.)


----------



## RadishRose (Dec 25, 2017)

Well, handsome isn't out of the equation entirely, but the other factors are much more important. What makes a man attractive to us or sexy, is most of the above. An aura of masculinity can be much more powerful than a handsome face.

A muscular physique often signals to us that the family will be protected, just as bosoms signal to men that a woman can feed and keep his progeny alive. It's not in so many words or thoughts....it's instinct.


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## SeaBreeze (Dec 25, 2017)

Olivia said:


> Yes, and it's called----LOVE.   And that takes time knowing a person. Doesn't even have to start as an instant attraction.



I have to agree with Olivia about the love, there doesn't have to be an instant attraction, but it doesn't hurt.


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## jujube (Dec 25, 2017)

The actor Javier Bardem.......I love homely/handsome men.  He can eat crackers on my pillow ANY time.


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## Traveler (Dec 25, 2017)

RadishRose said:


> Well, handsome isn't out of the equation entirely, but the other factors are much more important. What makes a man attractive to us or sexy, is most of the above. An aura of masculinity can be much more powerful than a handsome face.
> 
> A muscular physique often signals to us that the family will be protected, just as bosoms signal to men that a woman can feed and keep his progeny alive. It's not in so many words or thoughts....it's instinct.



Rose, when you say "an aura of masculinity" are you referring to a "muscular physique"?


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## RadishRose (Dec 25, 2017)

No, much more than that-all the things we've been listing, intelligence, the kindness and courtesy that come with emotional maturity. It's the whole package. Some women respond more to some components of that package more than others.

 For instance, while I do appreciate a healthy build, intelligence, good humor and acting like an adult always meant far more to me; those are qualities that move me to love, If not for that, why bother?

A man who looks like a Greek god can come along and act like a baby, selfish, weak, childish, mean and/or brutish; decidedly un-masculine.


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## chic (Dec 25, 2017)

I like a man who is chivalrous. Someone who holds open doors and pulls out chairs for a lady, helps her if she is in need or distress. Caring and commitment are the most attractive qualities a man can possess. A man who makes me feel like his queen, and who is my friend day in and day out is someone I find hard to resist. A man who is artistic, romantic, whimsical but also practical would be completely irresistible to me. Politeness and caring are the first signals that a guy would be someone I'd want to know better. Maybe this is boring, but it's me.


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## Olivia (Dec 25, 2017)

My idea of the ideal man.


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## Sassycakes (Dec 25, 2017)

I feel in love with my husband the first minute I met him. After being married now for just 52yrs our love has grown minute to minute. In spite of the opposite things about us,I can always see love in his eyes for me and mine for him. When we met we both were in relationships with others. By the end of the night he had broken up with his girlfriend and I had broken up with my boyfriend. What won me over was simply the look of love in his eyes he had for me and he still has that look.


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## Traveler (Dec 25, 2017)

Chic, not at all boring. I appreciate you comments.

Pregunta: Where does being a good provider enter the picture ?


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## Sunny (Dec 26, 2017)

I never understood that "tall, dark, and handsome" thing. (Why dark?)  Sounds like a line from a corny old movie.


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## fuzzybuddy (Dec 26, 2017)

Most guys aren't tall, dark, and handsome. But short, bald, and really wealthy does in a pinch.


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## Buckeye (Dec 26, 2017)

My son claims that this pickup line is always successful:  "Does all this cash in my wallet make my butt look big?"

I dunno.

Hoot


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## Warrigal (Dec 26, 2017)

Hoot N Annie said:


> My son claims that this pickup line is always successful:  "Does all this cash in my wallet make my butt look big?"
> 
> I dunno.
> 
> Hoot


Your son is full of it. I would regard him with contempt after that opening line.


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## hollydolly (Dec 26, 2017)

Just an interested question ... in all honesty... ... Is the person you're married to ( or significant other), truly the love of your life? ( apart from sassycakes because she's already stated that)


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## Buckeye (Dec 26, 2017)

Warrigal said:


> Your son is full of it. I would regard him with contempt after that opening line.



lol - he's been happily married for almost 30 years.  It's a joke.


----------



## Smiling Jane (Dec 26, 2017)

The sexiest thing a man can do is give me his complete and undivided attention. He's not looking over my shoulder to see who else is around and he's not fidgeting because he's in a hurry and I'm in his way.

However, that only works if he's not a politician who has learned that technique and uses it to his advantage.


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## Traveler (Dec 26, 2017)

So, all of the things mentioned so far, do they really take your breath away ? Or is it rather just "an attraction"?

I hate to use an analogy, because someone usually misunderstands, and an analogy is never quite right but...

Let's say you are clothes shopping. You look and look, passing up most items, then you see something you like a lot, and you hang on to it but you keep shopping.

Finally, you see something so fantastic that you can't live without it. Perhaps you even say, "This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."
Perhaps there is a sharp intake of breath ?  

That feeling is what I'm asking about.  Is there anything else that moves a woman in that manner ?


----------



## Warrigal (Dec 26, 2017)

Hoot N Annie said:


> lol - he's been happily married for almost 30 years.  It's a joke.



And an implied insult, but perhaps he only says it in the company of men?


----------



## Warrigal (Dec 26, 2017)

Traveler said:


> So, all of the things mentioned so far, do they really take your breath away ? Or is it rather just "an attraction"?
> 
> I hate to use an analogy, because someone usually misunderstands, and an analogy is never quite right but...
> 
> ...


Probably not. The trick is piquing a woman's interest. You still have to court her.


----------



## chic (Dec 27, 2017)

Traveler said:


> So, all of the things mentioned so far, do they really take your breath away ? Or is it rather just "an attraction"?
> 
> I hate to use an analogy, because someone usually misunderstands, and an analogy is never quite right but...
> 
> ...



Oh, if you're looking for something that knocks the breath out of me it's this.



Sorry this is so superficial, but seeing a man this handsome might just knock me for a loop.


----------



## Traveler (Dec 27, 2017)

Since I wrote this thread specifically to be superficial, there is no need to be sorry. If that fellow moves you, then it is real enough.


----------



## Traveler (Dec 27, 2017)

Warrigal said:


> Probably not. The trick is piquing a woman's interest. You still have to court her.



I am well beyond the point of courting anyone. My interest is purely academic.

That being said, I discovered , quite by accident, that not courting her, or even paying much attention to her, in the very beginning, is the surest way to pique her interest. This is especially true if she knows quite well that she is drop-dead gorgeous.


----------



## Warrigal (Dec 27, 2017)

Not being drop dead gorgeous, I have never expected every man to be interested in me.
Not being needy, I have always taken my time to sum up a man's character before giving any hint of interest on my part.

It seems to me that you want a simple answer to a complex question.
We can all give you one but each alone will be inadequate most of the time.


----------



## Traveler (Dec 27, 2017)

Warrigal said:


> Not being drop dead gorgeous, I have never expected every man to be interested in me.
> Not being needy, I have always taken my time to sum up a man's character before giving any hint of interest on my part.
> 
> It seems to me that you want a simple answer to a complex question.
> We can all give you one but each alone will be inadequate most of the time.



Gee, I don't know about that. The question is quite simple and the answer should also be simple. Either a person has an overwhelming desire or they don't. The reasons for the desire, however, may be very complex but I did not ask about that.


----------



## Smiling Jane (Dec 27, 2017)

Traveler said:


> I am well beyond the point of courting anyone. My interest is purely academic.
> 
> That being said, I discovered , quite by accident, that not courting her, or even paying much attention to her, in the very beginning, is the surest way to pique her interest. This is especially true if she knows quite well that she is drop-dead gorgeous.



I seriously doubt that tactic would pique anyone's interest, unless you're drop-dead gorgeous yourself. Even then, it's not likely to be effective. A drop-dead gorgeous woman doesn't need to waste time on a loser who plays games. 

No idea why men think negging is a useful tactic. It might possibly work on a woman with low self-esteem, and I imagine those men enjoy complaining later that the woman they got through negging has low self-esteem. A woman with a healthy ego walks away from men who insult her. Why anyone sticks around to spend time with a jerk is beyond me, and only a jerk would insult a woman for attention.

Why not stop all of the stupid pickup games and let a woman know she interests you in positive ways, that make her feel better about herself and you?


----------



## Buckeye (Dec 27, 2017)

Warrigal said:


> And an implied insult, but perhaps he only says it in the company of men?



Sorry, but I don't know how to respond to this.  Let's drop it.


----------



## Sunny (Dec 27, 2017)

OK, to get down to a very superficial level, I cannot understand why the makers of movies and TV series think that having a 3-day growth of stubble on a man's face makes him attractive to women. It would make me run as fast as I could in the other direction.

I do like a nice, well-kept beard on a man, or else clean-shaven. Am I missing something here?  

(I recently had some surgery done by a doctor who has excellent medical skills, top in his field, etc. But he has that kind of scruffy stubble on his face. The first time I met him, it was almost enough to drive me away from his
office. So it's not only sexually unattractive (to me, anyway), it's also professionally inappropriate. Besides, it must be a lot of trouble to keep maintaining that hobo look.)


----------



## Smiling Jane (Dec 27, 2017)

I have fewer problems with stubble (although it's been way overdone) than I do with Hollywood routinely casting unattractive men who always win the heart of the most beautiful woman in town.

I suppose it's a case of hope springs eternal, but I've always figured it's about unattractive producers making money off the lowest common denominator. 

Imagine what's under that stubble. It's probably covering a weak jawline or acne scars.


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## Traveler (Dec 27, 2017)

Smiling Jane said:


> I seriously doubt that tactic would pique anyone's interest, unless you're drop-dead gorgeous yourself. Even then, it's not likely to be effective. A drop-dead gorgeous woman doesn't need to waste time on* a loser who plays games.*
> 
> No idea why men think negging is a useful tactic. It might possibly work on a woman with low self-esteem, and I imagine those men enjoy complaining later that the woman they got through negging has low self-esteem. A woman with a healthy ego walks away from men who insult her. *Why anyone sticks around to spend time with a jerk is beyond me, and only a jerk would insult a woman for attention.*
> 
> Why not stop all of the *stupid pickup games* and let a woman know she interests you in positive ways, that make her feel better about herself and you?



Wow ! What an attitude ! Let's see, you have called me "a loser" AND "a jerk" and "engaging in pickup games". What's your main problem ? Does it bother you that a man might be using the exact same tactics that women are famous for ?  Hmm?

You also seem to feel that men are here to make women feel better about themselves. Curious concept. Does the reverse hold true ? Are women here to make men feel good about themselves. If she does not pay attention to him, is she insulting him ?

So, a man who does not go out of his way to fawn all over a woman is insulting her ? Since when ? Says who ? You ? Give me a freakin break.

*To quote warrigal, (above, post # 40) "I have always taken my time to sum up a man's character before giving any hint of interest on my part"..
*
What Smiling Jane has clearly shown us, is that it is just fine for a woman to do something in the mating ritual, but if a man does the exact same thing he is a "loser, a jerk and playing pickup games".  Gee, what happened to the concept of EQUALITY ?


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## Smiling Jane (Dec 27, 2017)

I wrote an answer with lots of quotes, then I decided it's not worth it.

Goodbye to this thread. I'm through.


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## helenbacque (Dec 27, 2017)

Mother Nature did not wire up males and females equally.  Men can fall into 'lust' at a glance, a word or a thought.  With women 'lust' must grow through words and actions.


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## Happyflowerlady (Dec 27, 2017)

To me, there is a difference between the kind of man that I might be physically attracted to, and the kind of man that I would fall in love with and want to spend my life together with. I can look at a man and think that he is extremely attractive, while knowing that he wuld not be someone that I wanted to have a relationship with. 
Conversely, a man who was not movie-star handsome, but who was kind, gentle,intelligent, conversant, and had a good sense of humor might be someone that I could very easily fall in love with. 
Sometimes, you might find both in the same person, but not always, and this seems to hold true for both men and women. 

As far as what a woman finds attractive, I think that there is no one-answer for this, just like there is not for men to be attracted to a woman. 
We all have different tastes in what we find attractive. 
For me, being the country girl type that I am, it is the faded jeans, western shirt, and  cowboy look that stirs my blood just about every time. 
Just the sound of cowboy boots walking across the floor speeds my heart up a little bit. 
I totally prefer clean-shaven to the scruffy-faced look that is popular now, but if the guy can carry off the cowboy look well enough, even that doesn’t matter much. 
Here is one that would surely catch my eye in a fast heartbeat.....


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## RadishRose (Dec 27, 2017)

helenbacque said:


> Mother Nature did not wire up males and females equally.  Men can fall into 'lust' at a glance, a word or a thought.  With women 'lust' must grow through words and actions.



Well said, Helen.


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## Olivia (Dec 27, 2017)

This may be the answer you were looking for:






The look of love
Is in your eyes
A look your smile can't 
disguise

The look of love
Is saying so much more than
Just words could every say
And what my heart has heard
Well it takes my breath away

I can hardly wait to hold you
Feel my arms around you
How long I have waited
Waited just to love you

Now that I have found you
You've got the look of love
It's on your face
A look that time can't erase
Baby be mine, tonight

Let this be just the start of 
So many nights like this
Let's take a lovers vow
And seal it with a kiss

Don't ever go
Don't ever go
I love you so
The look of love

Let this be just the start of
So many nights like this
Let's take a lover's vow
And baby we'll seal it with a kiss


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## Shalimar (Dec 27, 2017)

From time to time, I have been hugely attracted to a man based on his appearance. I grew up at the very end of the free love generation. I had fun, no regrets. Superficiality had it’s own rewards. My criteria for a relationship did not necessarily match my criteria for a night, or many nights of passion.


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## helenbacque (Dec 27, 2017)

Thank you RadishRose.  Women aren't prone to instant 'lust'.  Too bad it's so easy to pretend it to.


RadishRose said:


> Well said, Helen.


----------



## Shalimar (Dec 27, 2017)

helenbacque said:


> Thank you RadishRose.  Women aren't prone to instant 'lust'.  Too bad it's so easy to pretend it to.


With respect, perhaps that depends on the woman, and the age factor, of course.


----------



## Sunny (Dec 27, 2017)

> Too bad it's so easy to pretend it to.



Helen, you mean like Meg Ryan in that restaurant scene?


----------



## helenbacque (Dec 27, 2017)

Yep



Sunny said:


> Helen, you mean like Meg Ryan in that restaurant scene?


----------



## Buckeye (Dec 27, 2017)

Ah, Free Love - It wasn't free, and it wasn't love....

But it wasn't bad

Hoot


----------



## jujube (Dec 27, 2017)

Hoot N Annie said:


> Ah, Free Love - It wasn't free, and it wasn't love....
> 
> But it wasn't bad
> 
> Hoot



Oh, the _love_ was free......it was the sex that cost ya...


----------



## Ruthanne (Dec 27, 2017)

What is important to me in a man is intelligence, attractiveness that doesn't have to be really apparent at first, kindness, sensitivity, love of animals, lots of fun to be with.


----------



## Traveler (Dec 28, 2017)

I'm rather surprised that male singers have not been mentioned very much. 
In 1964, I saw the Beatles live in New Orleans and tens of thousands of crying, screaming girls rushed the stage.  Later in my life I heard many women talk about their frenzy over Elvis, several of whom admitted to throwing their panties at him.


----------



## Warrigal (Dec 28, 2017)

Can't see the attraction of fame myself but for some I am sure it is an aphrodisiac. Teenage girls just love screaming hysterically IMO and the actual focus is pretty much immaterial at any particular time. Boy bands come and go and are assembled to tap into this kind of hysterical adulation. Some of them may have talent but it's fame that is the attraction.

I'm not sure you'll find many grown women on this forum who are still stuck in that developmental stage although there will be some nostalgia for the days of youth and the idols of that time.


----------



## Traveler (Dec 28, 2017)

Oh, of course.  I certainly don't expect full grown women on this site, or any other, to still be stuck in that kind of youthful stage.  However, I thought that many would remember those days and might like to share their thoughts.


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## Olivia (Dec 28, 2017)

Just off the top of my head, I had a crush on Don Grady from My Three Sons, Paul Peterson of The Donna Reed Show, and Johnny Crawford of The Rifleman.  I was in love with Gordon Waller of Peter & Gordon and John Walker of the Walker Brothers (just to name a few). I never went crazy over any of them. I liked the early songs of The Beatles. I liked a lot of the British Groups--remember them from on the radio in the early sixties living in Belgium when you could hear them from Pirate stations in the channel.


----------



## Traveler (Dec 28, 2017)

While this thread is supposed to be about how women feel, I'd like to share that even an old man like me can still get worked up over Cher. 
Especially her last concert tour: Cher: The Farewell Tour. (on DVD). Smokin Hot !


----------



## Ruthanne (Dec 28, 2017)

Traveler said:


> While this thread is supposed to be about how women feel, I'd like to share that even an old man like me can still get worked up over Cher.
> Especially her last concert tour: Cher: The Farewell Tour. (on DVD). Smokin Hot !


And she is 70 years old, too!


----------



## hearlady (Dec 28, 2017)

Wow you got a lot of responses Traveler!


----------



## Warrigal (Dec 29, 2017)

OK Traveler, you might gain some insight into this revelation.

This image captures my attention and causes me to keep looking.





Mostly it is the clear blue eyes and the strong jaw line and underneath that jacket is a very manly chest that is definitely worth a bit of a perv. However, he is not real. He is a fantasy and IRL the actor could be totally narcissistic and no use to womankind.

A real relationship needs to unfold slowly. There may be instant attraction but when that happens it is often for the wrong reasons and can lead to regret further down the track.


----------



## Traveler (Dec 29, 2017)

What role does being a good provider play in women's attraction to men ?


----------



## Warrigal (Dec 29, 2017)

You keep asking as if all women think the same way. Different women will have different thoughts on the matter.

I don't care who brings in the biggest pay cheque but I wouldn't want someone who squandered the family income on gambling or irresponsible spending on indulgent hobbies. Nor would I want someone who used money to control me. I'd rather live in a tent with a drover.


----------



## hearlady (Dec 29, 2017)

I guess all I can go by is what attracted me to my husband. Very handsome. He was bigger than me. I was 5'2 and all of 98 lbs. I felt safe in his arms. He was practical but if he gave gifts they were good quality and romantic because of how well thought out they were. 
He was responsible and had goals which he has mostly met. I admire that.
He was very ****** but not sexist. He had no problem with you perusing any task but he did expect you to research and do it right. In other words don't mess up the car engine then bat your baby blues- it won't work. He certainly would have no problem with me making more money. It would make him proud. 
I grew up in the north, he grew up in the south but he felt like family. I knew he'd be a good father.
He is Taurus the bull. I'm cancer the crab. Picture them together. Yes, that's how it is. Snap, snap, snap the claws, bull rears back nervously, finally roars and charges. Crab runs into hole until bull forgets.
The main thing is I knew he loved me as much as I loved him. I'd never want someone who didn't.

He is not dead. Lol. I'm looking back to the first attraction. 
For physical "instant" attraction I always love the Latin looks. Dark hair and eyes. Middle Eastern too.
My husband is light and blue eyed. Handsome and familiar.


----------



## deesierra (Dec 29, 2017)

jujube said:


> The actor Javier Bardem.......I love homely/handsome men.  He can eat crackers on my pillow ANY time.



OMG jujube, I just saw Javier Bardem for the first time a couple of nights ago in the movie EAT PRAY LOVE with Julia Roberts. The fact that he played such a faithful and romantic character (what every woman wants) just added to his handsome appearance.


----------



## Traveler (Dec 29, 2017)

Warrigal said:


> You keep asking as if all women think the same way. Different women will have different thoughts on the matter.




I don't know why you would think that. Women are as different from each other as are men.


----------



## Warrigal (Dec 29, 2017)

I think that way because you keep referring to us in a generic way.



> What role does being a good provider play in women's attraction to men ?



The phraseology implies a universal answer. Perhaps if you were to write something like this?

_"Ladies, can you tell me how much weight you place on a partner being a good provider?"

_I will try in future not to react to your writing style and I will assume that you are expecting a multitude of answers. I will happily give you mine.


----------



## RadishRose (Dec 29, 2017)

Being a good provider comes under the heading of protect/defend.


----------



## Traveler (Dec 29, 2017)

RadishRose said:


> Being a good provider comes under the heading of protect/defend.




As "protect and defend" was the number 1 most mentioned attraction, being a good provider carries considerable weight.


----------



## CindyLouWho (Dec 29, 2017)

*Just throwing this out there...........Dr. Phil say's...*

According to Dr. Phil, if men want to be successful in their marriage and family life, they have to change and broaden their definition of what it means to be successful as a man. Being a good provider, protector, leader and teacher is a privilege that comes with responsibilities that many men aren’t aware of.

[h=5]A Provider[/h]Most men believe that being a good provider means supporting a family financially. It means much more than that. A man should also contribute to the emotional, spiritual, physical and mental well-being of his family. In order to do this, he must recognize that there are other currencies, in addition to money, that need to be provided.

[h=5]A Protector[/h]This doesn’t mean beating up the guy next door if he insults your wife. It means protecting her self-esteem and self-worth as well as your children’s. It can also mean protecting your way of life and guarding against any threats to the things that you and your family value.

[h=5]A Leader[/h]Instead of waiting for your wife to take the initiative when you are having problems, take the lead. Get in the game and create what you want in your family instead of whining about your family situation. Marriage is not a 50/50 partnership. It’s a 100/100 partnership. That means you give 100 percent. And remember, you get what you give.

[h=5]A Teacher[/h]What are you teaching those around you — especially your children — with your behavior? It’s important to provide a good example for your children, loved ones and community with both words and deeds. Set high standards and teach by doing.


----------



## Shalimar (Dec 29, 2017)

Beautifully put CindyLou.


----------



## CindyLouWho (Dec 29, 2017)

Thanks Shalimar. Dr. Phil seems to make some great points and offer some sound advice.


----------



## Traveler (Dec 29, 2017)

CindyLouWho said:


> *Just throwing this out there...........Dr. Phil say's...*
> 
> According to Dr. Phil, if men want to be successful in their marriage and family life, they have to change and broaden their definition of what it means to be successful as a man. Being a good provider, protector, leader and teacher is a privilege that comes with responsibilities that many men aren’t aware of.
> 
> ...




Oh, my !  All of the above PLUS what has already been mentioned ?  If women are expecting, even hoping for, all of that, no wonder there are so many divorces.  I wonder if such a man ever existed ?  Kinda makes me glad I'm well out of the game.


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## CindyLouWho (Dec 29, 2017)

Yes, I was hoping maybe Dr. Phil has a single brother?


----------



## CindyLouWho (Dec 29, 2017)

..well a brother maybe 10 years younger than him.


----------



## Chucktin (Jan 1, 2018)

Warrigal said:


> Many things, not necessarily all of them.
> 
> A resonant, deep, masculine voice.
> A straight back and broad shoulders.
> ...


Sadly, no.

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk


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## Olivia (Jan 3, 2018)

Does anyone but me thinks Dr. Phil's perfect man sounds like a control freak?  :numbness: I find it kind of scary. But I guess that's just me.

Edit: Maybe I just worry about too strong men.


----------



## Elsie (Jan 3, 2018)

I wouldn't go to him for help of any kind.  Women seem to be his main target to disparage.


----------



## Smiling Jane (Jan 3, 2018)

He's a bully. He picks on anyone who won't take a swing at him. He seems to save some of his worst moments for women.


----------



## Shalimar (Jan 3, 2018)

Phil is an arrogant  know it all quack. He gave up his license a decade or so ago. He believes polygraphs are accurate. Lmao.


----------



## hearlady (Jan 4, 2018)

I absolutely don't agree with marriage being a 100/100% partnership. Rarely. More often it will be more like 80/20, 60/40, 30/70 .5/99.5.........at any given time.
If I or my husband were expected to give 100% all the time we would have been doomed long ago.


----------



## Lara (Jan 4, 2018)

I think Dr. Phil suggested "100/100 percent partnership" as an ideal goal to set for marital success. He wasn't saying it's typical.


----------



## C'est Moi (Jan 4, 2018)

Traveler said:


> ...
> Yes, I know, women, as a general rule, are not ready for sex at the drop of a hat. *But is there anything, anything at all, which causes a woman to have a comparable feeling of desire ?*



I guess the answer to your question is, "who knows?"   Without having been a man I don't have any frame of reference as to what would constitute a "comparable feeling of desire."   I believe you are talking about pure lust, a feeling that for me developed as I grew to love my husband. 

I don't believe women are as visually stimulated as men, though I really only have my own experience to draw upon.   I certainly appreciate an attractive man, but "attractive" is subjective and after all the vast majority of us are ordinary at best.   I suppose love and desire go hand-in-hand for me, though I'd not presume to speak for all women.   And then there are pheromones.   :excitement:


----------



## Olivia (Jan 4, 2018)

I'm not really putting down Dr. Phil, per se. I don't really watch his shows much anymore--prefer Hot Bench.   I do like the shows where older women (and men) get hooked by a catfish who are actually criminals that pretend to be "in love" while they're slowly stealing their money and nothing anybody says can convince the victims that their long-distance lovers are not real, and then Dr. Phil uses the show's resources to finally convince them. I think that does a good service of making people aware and to be very careful. 

And maybe I'm exaggerating in my mind the dangers of a hovering man who in the end takes over your life.


----------



## peppermint (Jan 4, 2018)

Traveler, every women is beautiful..  Your post was weird!!!!


----------



## Traveler (Jan 4, 2018)

C'est Moi said:


> I guess the answer to your question is, "who knows?"   Without having been a man I don't have any frame of reference as to what would constitute a "comparable feeling of desire."   I believe you are talking about pure lust, a feeling that for me developed as I grew to love my husband.
> 
> I don't believe women are as visually stimulated as men, though I really only have my own experience to draw upon.   I certainly appreciate an attractive man, but "attractive" is subjective and after all the vast majority of us are ordinary at best.   I suppose love and desire go hand-in-hand for me, though I'd not presume to speak for all women.   And then there are pheromones.   :excitement:



I believe that the primary difference between men and women is the amount of testosterone.  As a general rule, a man approximately 9 times more testosterone than a woman. It is well established that testosterone is the hormone which serves as the "force" behind the males sex drive. 

A comedian once said that, " If a woman can imagine the time when she was most aroused, that is what it is like to be a man ---- when he is not even thinking about it."


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## C'est Moi (Jan 4, 2018)

Traveler said:


> I believe that the primary difference between men and women is the amount of testosterone.  As a general rule, a man approximately 9 times more testosterone than a woman. It is well established that testosterone is the hormone which serves as the "force" behind the males sex drive.
> 
> A comedian once said that, " If a woman can imagine the time when she was most aroused, that is what it is like to be a man ---- when he is not even thinking about it."



Well we all know that comedians are the ultimate resource for factual information.


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## hearlady (Jan 4, 2018)

Lara said:


> I think Dr. Phil suggested "100/100 percent partnership" as an ideal goal to set for marital success. He wasn't saying it's typical.


Yes, definitely not typical.


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## Olivia (Jan 4, 2018)

When it comes to emotionally, women have way more power over men than men have over women. Men are more easily crushed and take rejection worse. Anybody who cares about a brother or other male relatives or friends, knows this. And also if a women had to personally reject someone knows this.


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## hollydolly (Jan 4, 2018)

chic said:


> Oh, if you're looking for something that knocks the breath out of me it's this.
> 
> View attachment 46590
> 
> Sorry this is so superficial, but seeing a man this handsome might just knock me for a loop.



OMG...I thought for a minute you'd posted a picture of my brother... ..he looked exactly like this in his younger days..


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## hollydolly (Jan 4, 2018)

Traveler said:


> While this thread is supposed to be about how women feel, I'd like to share that even an old man like me can still get worked up over Cher.
> Especially her last concert tour: Cher: The Farewell Tour. (on DVD). Smokin Hot !



LOL..why be surprised, Cher is beautiful but she's 71 years old...so it's not like you're talking about fancying a 20 year old..


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## hollydolly (Jan 4, 2018)

hearlady said:


> I guess all I can go by is what attracted me to my husband. Very handsome. He was bigger than me. I was 5'2 and all of 98 lbs. I felt safe in his arms. He was practical but if he gave gifts they were good quality and romantic because of how well thought out they were.
> *He was responsible and had goals which he has mostly met. I admire that.
> He was very ****** but not sexist. He had no problem with you perusing any task but he did expect you to research and do it right. In other words don't mess up the car engine then bat your baby blues- it won't work. He certainly would have no problem with me making more money. It would make him proud.
> I grew up in the north, he grew up in the south but he felt like family. I knew he'd be a good father.
> ...




 You've just summed up my husband exactly in those few lines. he's also a Taurean.. Absolutely adept at just about everything he turns his hands too..and everything has to be done to perfection no half-hearted jobs. very patient.. my husband...and handsome , turned a lot of heads when he was younger.. and still some today. He's from the South and I'm from the North.

Unlike you I'm an Aries..so I'm the fire he needs in his belly... and he's the calm waters I need when I'm all fired up..


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## Traveler (Jan 4, 2018)

C'est Moi said:


> Well we all know that comedians are the ultimate resource for factual information.



You have completely missed the point.  What the comedian said was merely a side joke.


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## Traveler (Jan 4, 2018)

Olivia said:


> When it comes to emotionally, women have way more power over men than men have over women. Men are more easily crushed and take rejection worse. Anybody who cares about a brother or other male relatives or friends, knows this. And also if a women had to personally reject someone knows this.



Exactly !  Men need a woman's emotional support FAR more than women need men. Thank you, Olivia. We are on the same page.


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## Traveler (Jan 4, 2018)

hollydolly said:


> LOL..why be surprised, Cher is beautiful but she's 71 years old...so it's not like you're talking about fancying a 20 year old..



Who's surprised ? Not I.  As for the rest of it, what is your point ?


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## C'est Moi (Jan 4, 2018)

Traveler said:


> You have completely missed the point.  What the comedian said was merely a side joke.



Au contraire, I missed nothing.   Do you believe people aren't aware that testosterone is the male sex hormone?  

Seems to me that you asked for women's comments, but all you want to do is argue when we make them.   Bye now.   :wave:


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## hollydolly (Jan 4, 2018)

Traveler said:


> Who's surprised ? Not I.  As for the rest of it, what is your point ?



My point was that you seemed to be making some kind of excuse for thinking Cher was hot..why should you she's probably in your age group, or close to it..


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## Olivia (Jan 4, 2018)

And another comedian said: The only way to argue with a woman is--don't.

Now excuse me while I enter the Witness Protection Program. layful:


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## Lethe200 (Jan 4, 2018)

hollydolly said:


> OMG...I thought for a minute you'd posted a picture of my brother... ..he looked exactly like this in his younger days..



Wow, who is that? Tom Mison, maybe?


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## hollydolly (Jan 4, 2018)

I haven't got a clue who that picture is...it just made me look twice because he looks so much like my brother...  I've just googled Tom Mison... in some photos he looks like my brother and others' not at all.. but the one posted by Chic..is my brother's image...


Ooops off topic... sorry folks..


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## Lara (Jan 4, 2018)

Traveler said:


> ...I'd really like to know if there is anything that takes a woman's breath away, anything that causes her to feel a deep sense of desire....Seriously, before I die, I'd dearly love an answer to that question.


I'm initially drawn to a man of integrity, his strength of character, a keen wit, sense of humor, self-control, and somewhat brave but  slight touch of vulnerability that allows me to tend to his needs or wounds... 

But what really takes my breath away are kind eyes that seem to look deep into my soul and a sincere smile..both noticeable right away. His tender touch. A gentle self-assurance like placing his hand softly on the small of my back to guide me down a hall, through a doorway, etc. 

And when he has a certain mystery and intrigue, leaving a little of himself to the imagination...that keeps me desiring more.

I remember a man in my life who would stand in back of me to help me put  my coat on, then gently pull my long hair out of the coat in the back by sliding his fingertips across the bare, back of my neck. That took my breath away everytime!


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## Traveler (Jan 4, 2018)

hollydolly said:


> My point was that you seemed to be making some kind of excuse for thinking Cher was hot..why should you she's probably in your age group, or close to it..



Sorry to disappoint you but I make no excuse for thinking Cher is smokin' hot. Why you would make that assumption escapes me.


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## Traveler (Jan 4, 2018)

Lara said:


> I'm initially drawn to a man of integrity, his strength of character, a keen wit, sense of humor, self-control, and somewhat brave but  slight touch of vulnerability that allows me to tend to his needs or wounds...
> 
> But what really takes my breath away are kind eyes that seem to look deep into my soul and a sincere smile..both noticeable right away. His tender touch. A gentle self-assurance like placing his hand softly on the small of my back to guide me down a hall, through a doorway, etc.
> 
> ...



 Thank you for sharing that. it is precisely the kind of answer I originally asked for.


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## Olivia (Jan 4, 2018)

I'm happy, too.


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## Traveler (Jan 4, 2018)

C'est Moi said:


> Au contraire, I missed nothing.   Do you believe people aren't aware that testosterone is the male sex hormone?
> 
> Seems to me that you asked for women's comments, but all you want to do is argue when we make them.   Bye now.   :wave:



The only argument I make is when someone posts an unnecessary catty remark about one thing but is actually bothered by something entirely different, which it only later revealed.


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## Olivia (Jan 4, 2018)

Traveler said:


> The only argument I make is when someone posts a catty remark about one thing but is actually bothered by something entirely different, which it only later revealed.



There's going to have to come a point where your well-being is not going to depend on another persons' opinion of you, especially not on a message board. You know yourself and especially when you started this thread you were going to get some good stuff and some bad stuff and lots of misunderstandings. You are you, and you don't need someone else to judge you So, take these message boards with a grain of salt. One thing for sure, don't evaluate yourself by questioning on the internet. That's the worse thing to do.


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## hollydolly (Jan 5, 2018)

Traveler said:


> *Since I wrote this thread specifically to be superficial*, there is no need to be sorry. If that fellow moves you, then it is real enough.




Ooops my Bad, I missed this post...there was most of us thinking you genuinely wanted some knowledge in the subject...like so many before me I'm outta this thread.. leaving you to continue to flog your dead horse..


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## hearlady (Jan 5, 2018)

Traveler said:


> Thank you for sharing that. it is precisely the kind of answer I originally asked for.


Out of all the many honest answers on this thread why this? Are you writing a book Traveler?
And Lara, that last paragraph never happened to me but it definitely would work for me!
You should put that in your romance novel Traveler.


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## Traveler (Jan 5, 2018)

Olivia said:


> There's going to have to come a point where your well-being is not going to depend on another persons' opinion of you, especially not on a message board. You know yourself and especially when you started this thread you were going to get some good stuff and some bad stuff and lots of misunderstandings. You are you, and you don't need someone else to judge you So, take these message boards with a grain of salt. One thing for sure, don't evaluate yourself by questioning on the internet. That's the worse thing to do.



Thank you, Olivia. Perhaps my writing style has led to some confusion and misunderstandings. I learned many decades ago that a strangers opinion of me does not determine my self worth. 

There have been dozens of fantastic responses to my original post and I thank all for their input.


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## Traveler (Jan 5, 2018)

Hello Hollydolly,  In regard to your latest post about superficiality, I only meant that I was not asking women to give any deep-seated reasons for why they feel the way they do. If a person feels something, and is willing to share, that's all I was asking for. I do, indeed, want some knowledge on the subject, but it was never my intention to probe any deeper than surface feelings. Sorry for the misunderstanding.


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## Elsie (Jan 5, 2018)

Ah Lara, a dream of a man.   But, being me, I'd be suspicious of a man so "perfect".  If a man treated me so solicitously, I'd be suspicious of him.  I'd question in my mind, is he 'reaching' for my heart' or to conquer my emotions? lol


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## Traveler (Jan 5, 2018)

Elsie said:


> Ah Lara, a dream of a man.   But, being me, I'd be suspicious of a man so "perfect".  If a man treated me so solicitously, I'd be suspicious of him.  I'd question in my mind, is he 'reaching' for my heart' or to conquer my emotions? lol



 I may be a bit dense this morning but I don't understand when you say, "conquer my emotions".  Could you please expand on that a bit ?


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## Elsie (Jan 5, 2018)

I guess I should have said manipulate my emotions.


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## CeeCee (Jan 5, 2018)

Elsie said:


> I guess I should have said manipulate my emotions.



off topic but Hi, Elsie...long time no see!


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## Elsie (Jan 5, 2018)

Hi Ceecee.   I was replying to Traveler concerning the word I used: conquer (my emotions.)


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## CeeCee (Jan 5, 2018)

Elsie said:


> Hi Ceecee.   I was replying to Traveler concerning the word I used: conquer (my emotions.)



I know, just used the post to say Hi to you. 

okay...back on topic....


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## Traveler (Jan 5, 2018)

Elsie said:


> I guess I should have said manipulate my emotions.



Ah, I understand better now.  So, you were referring to a type of man who would "toy" with your emotions to serve his own ends, ie a user of people. Having experienced such people, I can relate to your aversion of them.


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## Lara (Jan 6, 2018)

Elsie said:


> Ah Lara, a dream of a man. But, being me, I'd be suspicious of a man so "perfect".


Oh, thank you Elsie for letting me clarify. I never would expect one man to have all those dreamy things going for him at once. I was just listing what was originally asked of us, to list "anything that takes a woman's breath away". The word "anything" caused me to make a mental note of all men and listed anything that was most memorable to me that took my breath away. A big thank you to Traveler for causing me to stop and remember. A most pleasant walk down memory lane I must say


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## Traveler (Jan 7, 2018)

Lara said:


> Oh, thank you Elsie for letting me clarify. I never would expect one man to have all those dreamy things going for him at once. I was just listing what was originally asked of us, to list "anything that takes a woman's breath away". The word "anything" caused me to make a mental note of all men and listed anything that was most memorable to me that took my breath away. A big thank you to Traveler for causing me to stop and remember. A most pleasant walk down memory lane I must say



Laura, you are most welcome.  Thank you for the compliment.


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## Chucktin (Jan 8, 2018)

Hmm, I've never listened to Dr. Phil. Maybe I should ... Nah, it's media and media is headlines and emotional issues ala "Queen for A Day". Not a source I choose for a balanced discussion.


Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk


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## Elsie (Jan 10, 2018)

I would never go to "Dr." Phil for any kind of help.  I suspect that doing so would end me up feeling worse about myself than before receiving his "advice".  Especially my being female.  (Actually it's the professionals who know how to help "Dr." Phil's on stage guests-victims that give necessary help. IMO


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