# Uncomfortable situations traveling alone....



## CinnamonSugar (Dec 22, 2019)

I don't mind traveling by myself.  I can stroll through a museum, watch a movie, or scope out nature's delights in a park--without the need for company.  I do, however, get uncomfortable with people approaching me and the conversation quickly taking a turn for the worst.  Two examples:

Spent a weekend in St. Mary's, GA.  Was eating dinner in a nice restaurant, reading a book, when a "gentleman" came up to the table and without preamble, put his face right in front of mine (too close) and said, "HI, HOW'RE YOU DOING?  YOU STAYING AROUND HERE?"  Waves of alcohol rolling over me with each breath.  I don't remember how I got rid of him but it wasn't very assertive.

Another time a man in the next booth of a mexican restaurant in New Mexico started talking to me as we ate.  It was just general conversation, til all of a sudden he said, "You're really serious, aren't you?" I got self-conscious and stumbled verbally.  Of course, 2 hours later, I come up with the perfect (confident) response... "And that is a problem because...?"

I guess my question is, in traveling alone, is rudeness or unwanted advances by the opposite sex something common?  What is the best response--a rapier-sharp comeback or gently dodge the situation and/or bow out gracefully?  Things you found effective would be appreciated.


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## Lc jones (Dec 22, 2019)

I would definitely feel uncomfortable in the same situation. I would probably just say I hope you don’t mind but I’d like to just read my book and have my dinner I appreciate you coming by but I’m having a nice time here by myself thank you. Hopefully they would then leave.


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## applecruncher (Dec 22, 2019)

No offense @Lc jones, but imo your reply is too wordy. It leaves room for debate. You don't need to explain yourself and you shouldn't apologize and thank the person.

I just say "No, thanks. Have a good day."  Then I immediately return to my meal, book, etc. If the person continues to make comments and ask questions I give a stinkeye then ignore. SAY NO MORE.  It doesn't really matter to me if the intruder is male or female.

Everyone has the right to be left alone.


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## Keesha (Dec 22, 2019)

Yes much fewer words and different ones. They get the right message and quickly. 

note: Unfortunately I can’t spell it out word for word as it’s against the rules.


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## Judycat (Dec 23, 2019)

What? Go away! Hey! This guy is bothering me (loudly). These creeps rely upon us ladies being quiet and polite.


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## applecruncher (Dec 23, 2019)

True, but I've had a few situations where a female approached me as if we're best friends and starts blathering about her problems. Go away!


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## Marlene (Dec 23, 2019)

CinnamonSugar said:


> I don't mind traveling by myself.  I can stroll through a museum, watch a movie, or scope out nature's delights in a park--without the need for company.  I do, however, get uncomfortable with people approaching me and the conversation quickly taking a turn for the worst.  Two examples:
> 
> Spent a weekend in St. Mary's, GA.  Was eating dinner in a nice restaurant, reading a book, when a "gentleman" came up to the table and without preamble, put his face right in front of mine (too close) and said, "HI, HOW'RE YOU DOING?  YOU STAYING AROUND HERE?"  Waves of alcohol rolling over me with each breath.  I don't remember how I got rid of him but it wasn't very assertive.
> 
> ...


To address your question:  I believe your response depends completely on the encounter.  Some people are making a genuine attempt to get to know you because they find you attractive or interesting, while others - such as the ones you describe - seem to take it for granted that all solo women are desperate for any company.  To the fellow who chided you for being "really serious," I would have said exactly what you came up with: and that is a problem because?  To the other fellow, I would have been a little less gracious:  Go away or I'll call the manager.


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## Wren (Dec 23, 2019)

This has happened to me and I don’t say anything, I just look at them and shrug, they’re not expecting it and they assume you are either foreign or, unable to speak  which embarrasses them, and they walk away


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## toffee (Dec 23, 2019)

i would say hey you' shove off especially if he was in my space---or do I know you ??


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## Aunt Bea (Dec 23, 2019)

When people ask me what I'm doing I usually smile brightly and tell them that I'm minding my own business.


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## CrackerJack (Dec 23, 2019)

I go out and travel alone nowadays and not have a problem so far but always a first time eh.

I dine alone at times in pub/diners and in England its the popular Wetherspoon franchise. I can pop in find a table order my food and drink from the Bar and pay at the Bar and sit down and get good waiter/ress service. Eat up drink up and leave and also use their free wifi Cloud

Lots of male drinkers frequent this pub/diner and mind their own business and dont approach me in anoffensive way or anyone dining alone and stand/sit about and get p****d ( make what you want with that) outta their skulls 

However I can talk to folk and they me and enjoy the ambiance.
I would blank anyone male or female attempting to be unpleasant and move away from the domain pdq


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## Catlady (Dec 23, 2019)

I don't travel (can't afford) but I like to read about travel.  Most of the time I read about how people traveling ''meet people and make friends".  So, that means that lots of strangers start talking to each other?  I think I read a saying,  "A stranger is a friend you have not yet met" (or something like that).

How you react to strangers approaching you should depend on their demeanor.  The OP's two examples were jerks, especially the drunk one.  But, it's best to be assertive but courteous.  If you insult them or treat them like scum, you might find them in the parking lot waiting for you, humans can be vicious and unpredictable.  If you're afraid, have one of the staff watch you getting in your car.


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## Judycat (Dec 23, 2019)

There is a difference between people wanting to talk to you and creeps. Creeps make you feel uncomfortable. Tell them to shove off and yell for help if they don't. You'll see them in the parking lot bothering someone else.


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## Pecos (Dec 23, 2019)

Women have my sympathy for having to deal with this kind of behavior.

It was rare, but I have experienced several episodes in my earlier life where I encountered very aggressive behavior from women. Trying to remain moderately polite while fending them off is a tricky balancing act. It would have been another matter entirely had they been physically stronger than I was. That would have changed the dynamic drastically and having to walk in those shoes is beyond my understanding.


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## gennie (Dec 23, 2019)

For me, any inappropriate comment by stranger is met with a pause, a frowning look and stern "Pardon?"  Works for me.


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## oldman (Dec 23, 2019)

applecruncher said:


> No offense @Lc jones, but imo your reply is too wordy. It leaves room for debate. You don't need to explain yourself and you shouldn't apologize and thank the person.
> 
> I just say "No, thanks. Have a good day."  Then I immediately return to my meal, book, etc. If the person continues to make comments and ask questions I give a stinkeye then ignore. SAY NO MORE.  It doesn't really matter to me if the intruder is male or female.
> 
> Everyone has the right to be left alone.


I agree that this is the best advice. I have traveled millions of miles in my career and stayed at hundreds and maybe thousands of hotels. I have been approached by numerous females and a few males. I guess women love a man in uniform, but I always wore my wedding ring and made sure that it was visible, but some women just want company or whatever, I guess. 

I found out early in my career that the less you say, the better off you are. Giving a person the chance to keep the conversation going by asking a question is just like opening a door to a stranger.

There was one exception. I was in LA and walking through the airport after arriving. A young bi-racial lady came up to me and asked if my wings were made out of real gold. I told her no, only partly gold. She was very, very pretty. I was just struck by her prettiness. She asked if I had time for a cup of coffee and I said sure and I knew there was a small donut shop right near where we were standing called "The Donut Hole."

We sat for maybe five or so minutes and she asked me if I knew who she was and I told her that I didn't. She said that she was Estelle Bennett. The name never rang a bell, but then she told me that she sang with The Ronettes. Oh, shoot. Then, I knew who she was. She's the lady on the left.


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## Packerjohn (Dec 23, 2019)

I travelled around the world for 8.5 months & had very little trouble but I'm a guy.  Yes, there are so men that think they are God's gift to women.  Actually, they are just creeps that lack manners, culture & education.  Travelling in a Muslim country as a single woman can be very challenging to put it mildly.  Best to have a wedding ring on the correct finger & tell the up coming lover that you are waiting for your husband.  That should send the creep on his way.


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## Lc jones (Dec 23, 2019)

applecruncher said:


> No offense @Lc jones, but imo your reply is too wordy. It leaves room for debate. You don't need to explain yourself and you shouldn't apologize and thank the person.
> 
> I just say "No, thanks. Have a good day."  Then I immediately return to my meal, book, etc. If the person continues to make comments and ask questions I give a stinkeye then ignore. SAY NO MORE.  It doesn't really matter to me if the intruder is male or female.
> 
> Everyone has the right to be left alone.


This is what I would do, everyone can do what they please.


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## applecruncher (Dec 23, 2019)

Lc jones said:


> This is what I would do, everyone can do what they please.



Indeed.


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## CinnamonSugar (Dec 23, 2019)

Thanks, y'all, for the good input.  I think part of the problem is when something (especially the drunk in my face) like this happens I don't see it coming and I'm just kind of blind-sided.  But forewarned and all that...  Moving on!


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## fmdog44 (Dec 23, 2019)

Ask him to marry you! Gone!!


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## oldman (Dec 24, 2019)

In 1991, a Northwest Airlines Flight Attendant (F/A) was killed in a hotel room by a then unknown assailant. It took about 10 years to solve the case. After this incident, United Airlines sent out a memo to all flight crews that they were to have the hotel manager, concierge, manager on duty or any other capable hotel employee escort each member of the flight crew to their designated room. Upon arrival at the room, the hotel employee was to go into the room and check all the closets, under the beds and in the bathroom to make sure that there was no one else in the room hiding. Meanwhile, the airline employee would wait in the hallway. Once the room was declared to be clear, the airline employee would then enter the room and lock the door using the deadbolt and any other locking device provided. It was suggested that if the airline employee was going to be using the room service or leaving the room to eat, they should do so in the company of other airline employees. This rule applied mainly to all of United's flight crew, but was specifically directed to any female employee, flight attendant or pilot. I applauded United's efforts to keep our female associates alive. 

Today, with cameras in most hotels, travel and staying in hotels mostly has become safer. Although it is possible to disguise one's self, if the desk personnel is monitoring the cameras, they should be able to detect any issues before they become real problems. Cameras do not guarantee or provide 100% protection, but they certainly have helped to deter crime. 

click here to read the story


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## Gardenlover (Dec 25, 2019)

A simple, "I am not interested." loud enough so others in the vicinity can hear you.


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## Keesha (Dec 25, 2019)

Gardenlover said:


> A simple, "I am not interested." loud enough so others in the vicinity can hear you.


You’d think so Mike the Hitman but according to my experience this isn’t always the case.


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## OneEyedDiva (Dec 30, 2019)

Oh I kind of think one of "those looks" I can give would do it.


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## Pinky (Dec 30, 2019)

I met so many interesting seat-mates on the plane while I was traveling internationally. Most of them were young people. There was one Mom with her teenage daughter, taking her to Sydney to be signed to a record deal. There was also a man who didn't speak one word during the flight, but said "goodbye, enjoy your stay" at the end of the trip. He was obviously a singer, as he was looking over a musical score. I don't know who he was though. On my last trip from Australia to Toronto, I was not at all well. I slept most of the way (some 22 hrs. or so). I must have looked pretty bad, and think I probably was also snoring . When I came to, I had missed a meal or two, and the guy on the other side of an empty seat looked a bit concerned. I had a ginger ale, and lived to see another day.


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## oldman (Dec 30, 2019)

Pinky said:


> I met so many interesting seat-mates on the plane while I was traveling internationally. Most of them were young people. There was one Mom with her teenage daughter, taking her to Sydney to be signed to a record deal. There was also a man who didn't speak one word during the flight, but said "goodbye, enjoy your stay" at the end of the trip. He was obviously a singer, as he was looking over a musical score. I don't know who he was though. On my last trip from Australia to Toronto, I was not at all well. I slept most of the way (some 22 hrs. or so). I must have looked pretty bad, and think I probably was also snoring . When I came to, I had missed a meal or two, and the guy on the other side of an empty seat looked a bit concerned. I had a ginger ale, and lived to see another day.


This is true, Pinky. A lot of people think that most people want to be left alone while flying. Not so, says Condé Nast Traveler. If your seat partner appears to want to sleep, then they should be left alone. If they bring a book along to read and open immediately upon boarding, they also should be left alone. However, if they don’t pull their book out immediately or are just sitting in their seat with their arms folded or their earbuds in their ears, then it may be likely that they would engage in a conversation. 

I have flown as (what we call) a dead head. IOW, I am flying to another city to get to my flight. So often, I have been sitting in uniform and my seat partner would immediately engage me in a conversation. People seem to be very interested in flying and what’s going on in the cockpit and the noises they hear. 

I was on a flight from D.C. to Chicago and sitting in coach beside a young lady. As we were accelerating down the runway, the plane made a loud humming noise. She looked at me and asked, “OMG, what’s that noise?” I smiled at her and told her that what she was hearing were the fans in the engines and as the plane climbs, the pilot will cut back on the thrust and this will cause the fans to make less noise and will eventually go away all together. She was relieved to hear that.


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