# Did You Have Good Relationships With Your Parents or Guardians While Growing Up and Later?



## Ruthanne (Sep 2, 2017)

When I was* very* young I had good relationships with my parents.  They seemed to shower me with love.  My dad called me his "little peanut" because I was so tiny.  I was always at my 

mother's side.  After my parents divorced everything seemed to change including me, and my parents.  Our relationships were strained for many  years, I became a handful for them and they 

for me, too.  If we had just solved our problems by getting help things could have gone much differently.  Well, it was what it was.  At the end of my parents life things got a bit better.  At least 

at the end we were speaking and I'm glad for that.  Alcohol played a big role in the problems since they both drank rather heavily when I was young after they divorced and there was no confiding in them in their 

condition so I sought solace elsewhere.  I did find a husband who showed me love and I him but he had his problems and I mine, too.  My father hated him and never even knew him.  My mom hated my 

second husband because she thought he was too different from us.  Turns our our recent DNA test shows we are not much different.

Anyways, how were your relationships with your parents or step parents or guardians?


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## jujube (Sep 2, 2017)

I had great relationships with my parents.  It was a little rocky during adolescence but isn't it always?  Mostly my fault I can recognize now.


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## Falcon (Sep 2, 2017)

I couldn't have asked for better parents.  They were wonderful  to my sister and me.  I sure miss them.


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## Ruth n Jersey (Sep 2, 2017)

My parents were wonderful.  My Dad passed away first and my Mom came to live with us. She was not only my Mom but my best friend as well. I miss them both and not a single day goes by when I don't think of them. When my Mom moved in we combined households. Now when I pick up a bowl, or dust one of her vases that she loved it brings me comfort and I remember the fun we had deciding where to put it and I still love her tea cup collection that we both added to over the years.


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## Ruthanne (Sep 2, 2017)

jujube said:


> I had great relationships with my parents.  It was a little rocky during adolescence but isn't it always?  Mostly my fault I can recognize now.


Glad you had great relationships for the most parts.



Falcon said:


> I couldn't have asked for better parents.  They were wonderful  to my sister and me.  I sure miss them.


Great!  Many of us miss our parents.



Ruth n Jersey said:


> My parents were wonderful.  My Dad passed away first and my Mom came to live with us. She was not only my Mom but my best friend as well. I miss them both and not a single day goes by when I don't think of them. When my Mom moved in we combined households. Now when I pick up a bowl, or dust one of her vases that she loved it brings me comfort and I remember the fun we had deciding where to put it and I still love her tea cup collection that we both added to over the years.


Sounds like really nice memories.


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## SeaBreeze (Sep 2, 2017)

I had a good relationship with both my parents when I was young, as a teen I began to distance myself from them and concentrate more on my friends.  Once I moved out of the house and then married, I moved out of state and just wrote some letters and made some phone calls.  My father passed first, and I did visit my mother several times before she died.  Thinking back I regret not spending more time with them, or at least calling more, in my adult years.  I'm happy I had a heart to heart with my mom when she was older and let her know how sorry I was, she said my apology wasn't needed, but I know it was....the least I could do at that point.  I was blessed to have them.


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## Sassycakes (Sep 2, 2017)

I was very lucky to have had a wonderful Mother and Father. We had a very close relationship with my Mother's brothers and sisters and all lived close to one another, so we spent a lot of wonderful family times. I was a real Daddy's girl. He was the best and he had a warm loving feeling for me, my sister and brother. When I got married I bought a house very close to them. I watched over them and when my Dad passed I brought my Mother into live with me and my family. My Dad passed in 1993 and my Mom in 2003.Even though they have been gone all this time when ever all the family gets together the 9 grandchildren also start a fuss and say they were my parents favorite. It took my Son almost 3 yrs after my father passed away to even talk about my Dad and the past. He saw my parents everyday and so did my daughter  even after all this time they still say how much they loved my parents.


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## Ruthanne (Sep 3, 2017)

SeaBreeze said:


> I had a good relationship with both my parents when I was young, as a teen I began to distance myself from them and concentrate more on my friends.  Once I moved out of the house and then married, I moved out of state and just wrote some letters and made some phone calls.  My father passed first, and I did visit my mother several times before she died.  Thinking back I regret not spending more time with them, or at least calling more, in my adult years.  I'm happy I had a heart to heart with my mom when she was older and let her know how sorry I was, she said my apology wasn't needed, but I know it was....the least I could do at that point.  I was blessed to have them.


I, too, regret not spending more time with my folks but I did call.  I'm glad you were able to have that heart to heart; you needed that.  :love_heart:



Sassycakes said:


> I was very lucky to have had a wonderful Mother and Father. We had a very close relationship with my Mother's brothers and sisters and all lived close to one another, so we spent a lot of wonderful family times. I was a real Daddy's girl. He was the best and he had a warm loving feeling for me, my sister and brother. When I got married I bought a house very close to them. I watched over them and when my Dad passed I brought my Mother into live with me and my family. My Dad passed in 1993 and my Mom in 2003.Even though they have been gone all this time when ever all the family gets together the 9 grandchildren also start a fuss and say they were my parents favorite. It took my Son almost 3 yrs after my father passed away to even talk about my Dad and the past. He saw my parents everyday and so did my daughter  even after all this time they still say how much they loved my parents.


Wow, sounds like you had amazing relationships with your parents.  That's fantastic.  Yes, we all miss our parents.:sentimental:


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## Buckeye (Sep 3, 2017)

My father was killed in an airplane crash in 1954.  I was 8 years old.  From my childhood perspective, he was a great dad.  He build and drove his own race cars!  He and his brother had their own plane (a little Piper of some type) that I got to take rides in!  (The fatal crash was in a different plane, btw.) He showed his love to all 3 of his little boys (I was the baby).

My mother, who deserves Sainthood, is still living and going strong at 94.  I don't call as often as I should, but we remain very close.  She worries about me living alone, etc.  I'm still her baby boy.


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## Ruthanne (Sep 3, 2017)

Hoot N Annie said:


> My father was killed in an airplane crash in 1954.  I was 8 years old.  From my childhood perspective, he was a great dad.  He build and drove his own race cars!  He and his brother had their own plane (a little Piper of some type) that I got to take rides in!  (The fatal crash was in a different plane, btw.) He showed his love to all 3 of his little boys (I was the baby).
> 
> My mother, who deserves Sainthood, is still living and going strong at 94.  I don't call as often as I should, but we remain very close.  She worries about me living alone, etc.  I'm still her baby boy.


Oh how sweet Terry!  Your post touched my heart.  I hope you will call your momma more often...I'm a nag I know!    I'm so sorry you lost your dad so young.


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## Lethe200 (Sep 4, 2017)

Nope, not really. I realized in my teens that my parents should never have gotten married to begin with. Each of them had kids from a previous marriage, and each thought, "Oh, my kids need a mother/father." Except.....they didn't. My mother didn't like his son and my father didn't like her daughters. All I remember is them fighting. 

I was so utterly relieved when they got divorced (I was 11), I practically cheered! Lived with my dad for a few years, then went to live with my mom and her new husband/baby. Gave me a whole new perspective on my parents as adults. I learned to like my mom a lot better, and respect my father a lot less (talk about nasty, vindictive decisions a guy can choose to make. Ugh.).

I learned enough about my father from my older siblings to understand why he became the kind of man he was, but likable was not one of them. He suffered from Parkinson's for 20 yrs before he died, so neither I nor my half-brother was close to him by the end. 

My mother was a functioning alcoholic so she could be very difficult at times. But she was a beautiful and talented woman, and there was a lot I respected and liked about her. I learned a lot from her - both positive and negative - and loved her even after I realized she just could not change; she would always be an alcoholic. 

She lived almost 30 yrs longer than my father. For a while she lived with my DH and me, which was an interesting time, to say the least. Unfortunately my sister seemed to be on a mission to make our mom miserable, so every time she came home from visiting my sister, my mom would immediately hit the bottle for three days. Statements from Sis like "Oh, you ruined my life!" and "you don't love us girls as much as you love your son," made her feel depressed and worthless. Mind you, my sister has a PhD in epidemiology and two wonderful children who are both grown, married and successful! 

Fortunately, my mom moved down to live near our half brother, whose wonderful wife made Mom feel very welcomed in their home (Mom had her own apartment nearby). She lived her last 5 yrs very happily and passed away peacefully almost a decade ago.


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## hangover (Sep 5, 2017)

Mom divorced dad when I was two. Married again in less than a year. Divorced him after ten years. Put me in a home for troubled kids for six months. Got out, and she was drinking with a college kid, married him and they turned republican. Gave me the choice to go in the army or go back to the home. Went in the army. Once I asked them to loan me $50 dollars so I could get to California for a job...nope. Went to visit them for Christmas once, and they kicked me out on Christmas eve in a rain storm. She called ma a terrorist, because I didn't support Bush's Iraq war, and wouldn't talk to me for ten years.

When I was eleven, I witnessed my friend being sexually abused by a preacher. I told my mom, and she beat me for telling her, and said I could never see my friend again. To this day I wonder what became of him.


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## hollydolly (Sep 5, 2017)

Nope, totally toxic father, beaten down mother who had no idea how to look after herself much less us kids..


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## Trade (Sep 5, 2017)

My old man was a worthless irresponsible POS who spent most of his time drinking, womanizing and gambling. He died of a heart attack at age 45 when I was 9. My mom and he were separated and he was living in his car at the time. When he was in the hospital I remember saying to myself "I hope he dies" and then he did. My mom and I were in New Jersey at the time and he was in Florida. When we got word that he had died my mom started bawling her eyes out and saying over and over "He was a good man, he was a good man" Geeze Mom, you never had a good word to say about him when he was alive. He's buried in an unmarked grave down in Florida because Mom could not afford any kind of monument. All he left behind was his old car and a bunch of unpaid bills. Lately I've been thinking about getting a stone for his grave. I can afford it. But I'm not going to spend a lot on it. I'll just go in there and ask for the cheapest one they have. Put his name Date of birth, date of death, and that's it. 

My mom tried her best but she was pretty much beaten down by the whole single mom with an 8th grade education waiting tables at greasy spoons for nickel and dime tips lifestyle. She was old before her time and died when I was 20 at age 53.


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## Trade (Sep 5, 2017)

hangover said:


> Mom divorced dad when I was two. Married again in less than a year. Divorced him after ten years. Put me in a home for troubled kids for six months. Got out, and she was drinking with a college kid, married him and they turned republican. Gave me the choice to go in the army or go back to the home. Went in the army. Once I asked them to loan me $50 dollars so I could get to California for a job...nope. Went to visit them for Christmas once, and they kicked me out on Christmas eve in a rain storm. She called ma a terrorist, because I didn't support Bush's Iraq war, and wouldn't talk to me for ten years.
> 
> When I was eleven, I witnessed my friend being sexually abused by a preacher. I told my mom, and she beat me for telling her, and said I could never see my friend again. To this day I wonder what became of him.



Dayum Dude. You had it worse than me.


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## hangover (Sep 6, 2017)

Trade said:


> Dayum Dude. You had it worse than me.



Just shows that what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.


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## GypsyRoadLady (Sep 26, 2017)

I had the typical growing up I the 60s and teen years of the 70s. Loved both my parents and I assume the loved me. Mom passed 3  1/2 years ago. dad is still here and has become a heavy weight that I take on my shoulders. (Another posting). I have fond memories.


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## Cap'nSacto (Sep 27, 2017)

GypsyRoadLady said:


> I had the typical growing up I the 60s and teen years of the 70s. Loved both my parents and I assume the loved me. Mom passed 3  1/2 years ago. dad is still here and has become a heavy weight that I take on my shoulders. (Another posting). I have fond memories.



Same here. My parents were pretty typical, so life was too. My fondest memories are of the 50s, when I was really young, because my parents were just kids themselves, and we lived in the country with limited supervision. Dad worked all day, mom took care of baby sister, cleaned the house, and then gabbed with our neighbors, and my brothers and I took off up into the hills. We were 7, 5, and 4 years old. Mom apparently had no more idea than we did of the dangers and risks. There were rocky cliffs, a river, snakes, bobcats, wild dogs, the train tracks, a "hobo jungle", and when we hiked into town, there was traffic...not much, but still. 

My dad passed away about 10 yrs ago. Mom is 85. She has mild dementia and stability/equilibrium problems. She lived with me for 3 years, then with my brother for 2 years, and now she lives with my sister. It's not an easy job, but has its rewards.


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## Capt Lightning (Sep 28, 2017)

My parents had a fixed view of right and wrong.  They were always right and I was always wrong.  They simply couldn't compromise or take any type of middle ground.  Their word was law and that was that.   I was the youngest and the most rebellious one, so I was always getting into trouble with them, and being unable to handle those situations, they just beat me which  made matters worse.

The hitting stopped when I retaliated and threatened to thump mother.  She never hit me again.  In later years we lived in a sort of fragile truce, but I was so glad to get married and move away.
Looking back, and based on some things she said, I think that she was quite insecure and basically thought that live had dealt them a poor hand.  The old man just lived life with an unquestioning lack of ambition.   I wish I had had a more positive relationship with them,  but I never wanted to be like them.

My siblings were totally different too and we have all gone our own (but successful) ways with little or no contact with each other since our parents died about 25 years ago.


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## Temperance (Sep 28, 2017)

I had a wonderful relationship with my parents but at different times of my life.  As a child I was so very much a daddy's girl, he was my best friend for many years.  When I was in my late teens and early 20's it was then I became closer to my mom but it wasn't until after my daughters birth that she and I became friends.  When my mom passed it was an extremely difficult time for me because I not only lost my mom but also my dearest and best friend.


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## RadishRose (Sep 28, 2017)

Mostly good, as I remember, but sometimes not sure. They were ill, and each died young, within 3 years of each other. They were understandably very troubled. Yet I do have many good memories, so I guess so.


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## Suzanne (Sep 30, 2017)

I was blessed with wonderful parents.  We had much love and laughter in our family. I remained very close to my parents even after I married and moved about 7 hours drive away - talked to them every day and drove down many weekends.  My parents, DH and I went on Caribbean vacations together once my parents retired and these are memories I treasure.  My best friend, my Mom, passed away in 2013 and she was the heart and strength of our family.  My Dad went into full blown dementia from the shock of her death - they had just celebrated 60 years of marriage.  I moved my Dad to a facility near me so I could see him every day - gave him peace from the frightening world of dementia.  Sadly he passed away two months before I retired in 2016.  I was so looking forward to spending more time with him.  I miss them so much. I envy those that could live in the same town/city as their parents - we had to move for employment.


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## Bobw235 (Sep 30, 2017)

This is a complicated question for me. My parents are still going strong, though my Dad is in declining health due to exposure to asbestos while working as an electrician. I talk to him about once a month these days and he lives about two hours north of me. The woman he married after my parents divorced served to isolate him from me and some of my other siblings. Communication between us has improved in the later years, but there was a time when we went over a year without speaking to one another. As I said to my sister last month, I have very few good memories of my father from about the time of my early 20s. Sadly, he was raised in an unloving home and that's impacted his ability to show love to his own children. When he split from my mom, I recall breaking down one day, just sobbing for the realization that I hadn't a clue about how he felt about me. Never any praise or encouragement as I got older.

My relationship with my mom was a good one growing up and we're still close today. We speak every week or so and I've driven down to MD to see her twice in the past year. She was a working mom, but I felt like she was always there for me. She's been a rock of support over the years. Has a great, practical outlook on life. She grew as a person, stronger and more self confident after my dad left her for another woman. She emerged the better person, whereas my dad became a lesser man in my eyes. I still respect him and I do love him, but I know that it could have been so much better and have told him so.


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## IKE (Sep 30, 2017)

Mom married my stepdad when I was five or so and they had two girls, my stepdad and I never got along and we fought like cats and dogs from day one and that kinda put my mom in the middle but she never (that I'm aware of) told him to back off. 

Stepdad finally told me in my early teens (by this time I was already running the streets and getting into trouble) that he considered me a 'package deal' when him and my mom married and said that he didn't want me from the git go, just my mom......I guess he thought by saying that it would hurt my feelings but it backfired, it only made me stronger, harder and tougher than I already was which helped me later on in life.

Dad, mom and stepdad have been gone a long time.....I went to my dads funeral but not my moms or stepdads.

I'm in no way whatsoever angry, resentful or hurt about my upbringing.....it was what it was.

Some may argue the point but all in all I think I still turned out to be a fairly decent person.


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## Iodine (Oct 1, 2017)

Yes, I would say I did even though they both had a lot of problems and my siblings and I grew up very poor and were not taken care of properly.  My dad was an angry alcoholic and my mom was always very sick and also suffered from depression.  My dad died at 52 in 1972 of lung cancer and my sweet mother died at age 65 in 1987.  Even with all the bad stuff I have some good memories of both of them.


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