# Anti-Valentines Day: A Modest Proposal



## SifuPhil

Holy Hallmark® Hell, it's *Anti-Valentine's Day*! Time to break out the dead roses and black bunting, draw up your list of AVD party games and figure out just WHY you're celebrating this Nietzschean holiday.


 You loser.


 Seriously … Anti-Valentine's Day (coincidentally, held on the same day as Valentine's Day) is a booming business. Just look at all the cards and supplies that are offered for sale – that alone should tell you something. If it doesn't, just wait – your home is going to start filling up with red balloons, boxes of candy and dozens of overpriced roses. You couldn't ignore it if you tried.


 So instead of gritting your teeth every time the “Crazy4U” balloon floats over your dining room table, take a more reactive approach to neutralization – show off your OWN set of AVD tchotchkes.


 Make sure you're dressed all in black from head to toe. Don't shower for a week beforehand … that should give the proper bouquet to your domicile. Hang up pictures of beheaded Cupids. Put out a tray of stale dollar-store candy, the kind that's made in China and sits in a warehouse in Kowloon for seven months. Hang black crepe paper and deflated Black Mamba condoms on your walls.


 Here's a wonderful bit of irony …Century Novelty offers AVD vinyl window clings with pithy sayings such as “YOU WISH” and “DROP DEAD” - lovely sentiments for the holiday, true, but the kicker is the warning box below the item …



… or romantics over 18 …


Isn't that GREAT?!?


 Now, you're going to have visitors to your home lording it over you … “Oh, look what MY husband got me for Valentine's Day!”, and “Hey, look – my wife bought ME roses! Hahahahaha...”


 Here's what you do to ensure the greatest Anti-Valentine's Day ever … go to FlameThrowerPlans.com and order their flamethrower plans ebook. You used to be able to purchase a completely-assembled flamethrower for only $897 – a small price to pay when you see the expressions on their smug faces turn to horror - but for whatever reason they seem to have stopped selling them. Bummer.



The Ultimate AVD Weapon



 So here's the quick check-list for an anti-holiday you'll never forget:




Black clothing 
Stale candy 
Black crepe paper 
Black Mamba condoms,     deflated 
Pictures of beheaded     Cupids 
Baby-choking window     clings 
Flamethrower 
 For well under $1,000 you'll be the talk of the town for years to come – go get 'em, tiger, and happy AVD!


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## Shalimar

But I like chocolates and balloons,mushy cards yummy dinners....


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## vickyNightowl

Pass me the flame thrower.


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## SifuPhil

Shalimar said:


> But I like chocolates and balloons,mushy cards yummy dinners....





vickyNightowl said:


> Pass me the flame thrower.



A study in contrasts LOL! 

Shali, I shall remember to send you some mushy balloon-filled chocolates and yummy cardboard dinners.

And Vicky - FLAME ON! BWAhahahahahahahaha!


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## jujube

Phil, you are one sick puppy.  I knew there had to be a good reason why I like you so much.


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## Shalimar

Philly, did I mention I am descended from Welsh witches? No necessarily benign? I think I will buy a flamethrower after all, cariad.


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## SifuPhil

jujube said:


> Phil, you are one sick puppy.  I knew there had to be a good reason why I like you so much.



Aww, thank you! I like you too!


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## SifuPhil

Shalimar said:


> Philly, did I mention I am descended from Welsh witches? No necessarily benign? I think I will buy a flamethrower after all, cariad.



A flamethrower is an immensely practical thing to own. 

When you're not using it to burn weeds or barbecue that suckling pig, you can turn it on those that do you wrong.


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## Shalimar

Sooooo since Philly doesn't want my valentine goodies, who wants to share Belgian chocolates, locally made, fancy meal, possibly masses of booze, snug by the fireplace.? I will play jazz and blues on the piano if asked. Warmth and laughter a must.


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## Shalimar

Hmmm. One well done Italian coming up. Crispy crittered.


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## SifuPhil

Shalimar said:


> Hmmm. One well done Italian coming up. Crispy crittered.



*shrug*

Wouldn't be the first time. 

It's why monks and Italians love Anti-Valentine's Day.


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## SifuPhil




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## Butterfly

vickyNightowl said:


> Pass me the flame thrower.



Can I use it after you're done?


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## vickyNightowl

Butterfly said:


> Can I use it after you're done?



Sharing is caring!
Ofcourse! Lol


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## SifuPhil

You can purchase this one fully assembled and totally legal for $1,599 at ThrowFlame


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## SifuPhil

Or, from a different company, the XM-42, slightly more compact, no big tank required, but still giving you a 25' spray for 38 seconds, for only $1,199.


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## Karen99

Okay, Phil...I'm sending you a gallon of the fhese for your anti.Valentine soirée.


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## SifuPhil

Karen99 said:


> Okay, Phil...I'm sending you a gallon of the fhese for your anti.Valentine soirée.



Perfect - thank you.


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## Denise1952

SifuPhil said:


> Holy Hallmark® Hell, it's *Anti-Valentine's Day*! Time to break out the dead roses and black bunting, draw up your list of AVD party games and figure out just WHY you're celebrating this Nietzschean holiday.
> 
> 
> You loser.
> 
> 
> Seriously … Anti-Valentine's Day (coincidentally, held on the same day as Valentine's Day) is a booming business. Just look at all the cards and supplies that are offered for sale – that alone should tell you something. If it doesn't, just wait – your home is going to start filling up with red balloons, boxes of candy and dozens of overpriced roses. You couldn't ignore it if you tried.
> 
> 
> So instead of gritting your teeth every time the “Crazy4U” balloon floats over your dining room table, take a more reactive approach to neutralization – show off your OWN set of AVD tchotchkes.
> 
> 
> Make sure you're dressed all in black from head to toe. Don't shower for a week beforehand … that should give the proper bouquet to your domicile. Hang up pictures of beheaded Cupids. Put out a tray of stale dollar-store candy, the kind that's made in China and sits in a warehouse in Kowloon for seven months. Hang black crepe paper and deflated Black Mamba condoms on your walls.
> 
> 
> Here's a wonderful bit of irony …Century Novelty offers AVD vinyl window clings with pithy sayings such as “YOU WISH” and “DROP DEAD” - lovely sentiments for the holiday, true, but the kicker is the warning box below the item …
> 
> 
> View attachment 26478
> … or romantics over 18 …
> 
> 
> Isn't that GREAT?!?
> 
> 
> Now, you're going to have visitors to your home lording it over you … “Oh, look what MY husband got me for Valentine's Day!”, and “Hey, look – my wife bought ME roses! Hahahahaha...”
> 
> 
> Here's what you do to ensure the greatest Anti-Valentine's Day ever … go to FlameThrowerPlans.com and order their flamethrower plans ebook. You used to be able to purchase a completely-assembled flamethrower for only $897 – a small price to pay when you see the expressions on their smug faces turn to horror - but for whatever reason they seem to have stopped selling them. Bummer.
> 
> 
> View attachment 26477
> The Ultimate AVD Weapon
> 
> 
> 
> So here's the quick check-list for an anti-holiday you'll never forget:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Black clothing
> Stale candy
> Black crepe paper
> Black Mamba condoms,     deflated
> Pictures of beheaded     Cupids
> Baby-choking window     clings
> Flamethrower
> For well under $1,000 you'll be the talk of the town for years to come – go get 'em, tiger, and happy AVD!



I don't have a love-life, so I need to just make due with what I do have.  That means you Phil!!  You lucky, little devil:


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## Shalimar

Karen, you are funny!


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## Shalimar

Denise, HaHaHaHaHa.


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## vickyNightowl

Denise! Loll


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## Denise1952

SifuPhil said:


> A flamethrower is an immensely practical thing to own.
> 
> When you're not using it to burn weeds or barbecue that suckling pig, you can turn it on those that do you wrong.



I'd use it to heat up my truck-engine, it's getting ancient, and tired of giving all that dough to "mechanics" Do they come with batteries? Not the mechanics, the flame-thrower


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## SifuPhil

Denise1952 said:


> I don't have a love-life, so I need to just make due with what I do have.  That means you Phil!!  You lucky, little devil:
> 
> View attachment 26532



LOL, that is SO funny!

Thank you, m'Lady!


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## Shalimar

I want my flamethrower in gold lame, with a button you press to hear maniacal laughter!


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## SifuPhil

Denise1952 said:


> I'd use it to heat up my truck-engine, it's getting ancient, and tired of giving all that dough to "mechanics" Do they come with batteries? Not the mechanics, the flame-thrower



You had me at "batteries". 

Actually I'm not sure but I would imagine they require some batteries to act as "ignitors".


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## SifuPhil

Shalimar said:


> I want my flamethrower in gold lame, with a button you press to hear maniacal laughter!



You're a strange person ...


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## SifuPhil




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## Falcon

Can I light my Pall Mall with it?


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## Shalimar

Yes I am Philly! The polite word is eccentric. Lolol.


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## Denise1952

LOL Falcon, singe yer nose-hairs!!


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## SifuPhil

Falcon said:


> Can I light my Pall Mall with it?



Much easier than flicking your Bic. 



Shalimar said:


> Yes I am Philly! The polite word is eccentric. Lolol.



I've never been known to be polite, but I can certainly try to make an exception in your case.

You are "wackadoo".


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## Cookie

C'mon baby, light my fire --- carefully!


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## vickyNightowl

I'm still stuck at batterries.

I have to research what kind...


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## Shalimar

Philly, I am living proof that sanity is cureable.


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## SifuPhil

Shalimar said:


> Philly, I am living proof that sanity is cureable.



You and me both, sister ...


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## Denise1952




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## SifuPhil

Denise1952 said:


> video



I'm actually blushing! I haven't done that in years! 

So is that leather, PVC or rubber? 

Thank you, dear. :love_heart:




GAH! WAIT! WHAT AM I DOING?!? THIS IS THE AVD THREAD!!!

NO! BAD VIDEO! BAD, NAUGHTY VIDEO! 

GET THE FLAMETHROWER!


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## Denise1952

SifuPhil said:


> You had me at "batteries".
> 
> Actually I'm not sure but I would imagine they require some batteries to act as "ignitors".



Oh geez, these things work great!!


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## Denise1952

SifuPhil said:


> I'm actually blushing! I haven't done that in years!
> 
> So is that leather, PVC or rubber?
> 
> Thank you, dear. :love_heart:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> GAH! WAIT! WHAT AM I DOING?!? THIS IS THE AVD THREAD!!!
> 
> NO! BAD VIDEO! BAD, NAUGHTY VIDEO!
> 
> GET THE FLAMETHROWER!



I was not just multi-tasking, my multi-mindedness kicked in too!  Wrong thread, douse that puppy!!


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## Denise1952

SifuPhil said:


> I'm actually blushing! I haven't done that in years!
> 
> So is that leather, PVC or rubber?
> 
> Thank you, dear. :love_heart:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> GAH! WAIT! WHAT AM I DOING?!? THIS IS THE AVD THREAD!!!
> 
> NO! BAD VIDEO! BAD, NAUGHTY VIDEO!
> 
> GET THE FLAMETHROWER!



I just hope it's fireproof whatever it's made of


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## Shalimar

Denise, I want that outfit in red!


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## Denise1952

Ok!!

Will this work?






Just send me a photo of your face and I'll fix you right up, LMBO!!


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## Shalimar

Great Denise, but how about some over the knee boots? I love my new blonde hair!


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## Denise1952

Now you're getting picky and I'm gonna make you go buy your own outfit, I think there is still a Fredricks of Hollywood, right?? LOL!!

Hereyago:

https://images.search.yahoo.com/sea...RzZWMDc2M-?p=Ladies+In+Red+Leather+With+Whips


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## Denise1952

Woaaaaaaaaaaa! Look at these puppies!!


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## Shalimar

Purrrrrfect Denise, thanks!


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## Denise1952

Purrrrrrrrrfect hey??

thereyago!!


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## Shalimar

Awesome Denise!


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## SifuPhil

Denise1952 said:


> Now you're getting picky and I'm gonna make you go buy your own outfit, I think there is still a Fredricks of Hollywood, right?? LOL!!
> 
> Hereyago:
> 
> https://images.search.yahoo.com/sea...RzZWMDc2M-?p=Ladies+In+Red+Leather+With+Whips



Your search history is almost stranger than mine!

https://www.google.com/search?q=spa...ved=0ahUKEwjB-_bg7eHKAhUCrRoKHYwkDE0Q_AUICCgC


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## SifuPhil

HERE are the boots you wear for Anti-Valentine's Day -


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## Denise1952

SifuPhil said:


> Your search history is almost stranger than mine!
> 
> https://www.google.com/search?q=spa...ved=0ahUKEwjB-_bg7eHKAhUCrRoKHYwkDE0Q_AUICCgC



Kitties playing pattycake


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## Denise1952

SifuPhil said:


> HERE are the boots you wear for Anti-Valentine's Day -
> 
> View attachment 26562



Where did you find my mother's combat boots? LOL!!


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## SifuPhil

Denise1952 said:


> Where did you find my mother's combat boots? LOL!!




MY mother was wearing them!


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## Denise1952

OMG, we were separated at birth!!

One of my fave books, I'll bet you and I are in here Phil:


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## Denise1952

I think we should put our heads together Phil, maybe come up with something, LOL!!


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## SifuPhil

Denise1952 said:


> I think we should put our heads together Phil, maybe come up with something, LOL!!


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## Karen99

Hahaha..you guys are nuts. :magnify::lol:
carry on


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## Cookie

Awwww... such little cuties! I see they were ready for their close-ups.


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## Shalimar

Love the boots. I want a pair of tie-dyed purple ones please, size seven narrow, neon magenta laces. Hmmm, also a pair of gold lame ones with matching laces. She rocks, yes, she does! Lolol. Perhaps black patent camo outfits would go well as accessories?


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## Shalimar

Cute babies!


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## SifuPhil

Shalimar said:


> Cute babies!



Even cuter as adults we are, yes! :yoda:


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## chic

I love this holiday. Any excuse to receive flowers and jewelry is just fine with me. :love_heart:


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## vickyNightowl

Let's not forget this thread is ANTI-Valentines!

No cutsty stuff and flower talk!

Phil,stay focused!!


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## SifuPhil

chic said:


> I love this holiday. Any excuse to receive flowers and jewelry is just fine with me. :love_heart:



Bah. Humbug.

You have obviously been brainwashed by The Powers That Be. You've been taught to expect that for one day out of the year you receive the praise and attention you should be receiving every day. 

Throw off your shackles! Declare your freedom! Join us!!!


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## SifuPhil

vickyNightowl said:


> Let's not forget this thread is ANTI-Valentines!
> 
> No cutsty stuff and flower talk!
> 
> Phil,stay focused!!



*Slaps own face*

Thanks, I ... needed that.


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## SifuPhil




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## Shalimar

What 'wrong' with shallow? Some of us enjoy the dark joys of complete and utter self absorption, don't we Philly? Lol.


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## SifuPhil

Shalimar said:


> What 'wrong' with shallow? Some of us enjoy the dark joys of complete and utter self absorption, don't we Philly? Lol.



Yes we do, dear. 

Oh, wait ... you talkin' to me? 

You talkin' to ME?!?

You MUST be talkin' to me - I'm the only one here ...


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## Denise1952

SifuPhil said:


> View attachment 26575



I think I'm getting something now!!  Yes, your coming in loud and clear!!  Why shame on you Phil, lol!


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## Denise1952

Cookie said:


> Awwww... such little cuties! I see they were ready for their close-ups.



LMBO, yes, Gloria Swanson, and possibly, her offspring LOL!


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## SifuPhil

This shows how science PROVES that men are fighters, not lovers!



How Men Are Evolved for Fighting, According to Science


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## Denise1952

Men's brains vs women's brains, LOL!!  Men's brain on top of course!!


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## Arachne

lol Stu you use this? lol


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## SifuPhil

Oh, that's fantastic, Arachne! 

Put me down for a dozen bottles, please! I want to be a downright beefcake!


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## Denise1952

beefcake 
  A large and muscular man who enjoys hockey, football, and other sports.   He also enjoys eating.  The typical beefcake is not the sharpest tool  in the shed, in fact he is rather dumb. 
  "Check out the bootie on that beefcake" 

"That beefcake justr ate my ice cream" 

"That beefcake just ate my chicken" 

"That beefcake just ate my broccoli" 

"That beefcake just ate my leg" 

"That beefcake just ate my babies" 

"That beefcake just ate that beefcake"


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## SifuPhil

Yes, we beefcakes, like tigers, like to eat. 

We're kind of stupid that way.


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## Denise1952

SifuPhil said:


> Yes, we beefcakes, like tigers, like to eat.
> 
> We're kind of stupid that way.
> 
> View attachment 26601



that stupid part I should have edited out because you my friend, are anything but stupid big hugs I'm off to watch a move!!  Maybe Sunset Boulivard , LOL!!


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## SifuPhil

Denise1952 said:


> that stupid part I should have edited out because you my friend, are *anything but stupid* big hugs I'm off to watch a move!!  Maybe Sunset Boulivard , LOL!!



Idiotic? Unintelligent? Ignorant? Obtuse? Doltish? Dense? Slow? Dull-witted? Mentally Deficient? Cognitively impaired? Dumb? Dopey? Low-functioning? Moronic? Brain dead? Daft? Screwy? Harebrained? Scatterbrained? Senseless? Inane? Absurd? Ludicrous? Mad as a hatter? Inane? Fatuous? 

*whew*

Pick one, any one. Buy one, get one free!


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## Denise1952

If you don't stop calling yourself those things, I'm going to mail you that tupperware container!!  If I know you, you will have to open it just to see if I really did what I said I did


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## SifuPhil

Denise1952 said:


> If you don't stop calling yourself those things, I'm going to mail you that tupperware container!!  If I know you, you will have to open it just to see if I really did what I said I did



Curiosity killed the cat, and I'd pass out if I did that. 

Do you want the container back? BWAhahahahaha!


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## Denise1952

SifuPhil said:


> Curiosity killed the cat, and I'd pass out if I did that.
> 
> Do you want the container back? BWAhahahahaha!



No, because plastic never really comes clean, LOL!  Keep it with my blessingsnthego:


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## SifuPhil

Denise1952 said:


> No, because plastic never really comes clean, LOL!  Keep it with my blessingsnthego:



Gee, thanks. 

This thing will be harder to get rid of than the fruitcake ...


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## Denise1952

SifuPhil said:


> Gee, thanks.
> 
> This thing will be harder to get rid of than the fruitcake ...



LOL, so will what good reputation I might have, after the thread on bums.


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## SifuPhil

Denise1952 said:


> LOL, so will what good reputation I might have, after the thread on bums.



Nah - you spoke your mind. Nothing wrong with that. And then you specifically stated that you're against the scammers. 

Anyway ... I'm sticking the fruitcake in the Tupperware and sending it to some random SF member ...


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## Denise1952

SifuPhil said:


> Nah - you spoke your mind. Nothing wrong with that. And then you specifically stated that you're against the scammers.
> 
> Anyway ... I'm sticking the fruitcake in the Tupperware and sending it to some random SF member ...



lmao, I hope you are wrapping it in plain, brown paper  With no return address.  If it's not ticking, they should open it, LOL!!


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## Arachne

Is all I can say about this Stu..^.^


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## SifuPhil

All I need now is the suspenders LMAO.


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## SifuPhil




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## SifuPhil

Yes !!!


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## Shalimar

Oh my god. Ahem. I love Sean's boots?


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## SifuPhil

Shalimar said:


> Oh my god. Ahem. I love Sean's boots?



Did you know they're schwade? LOL


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## SifuPhil




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## Butterfly

SifuPhil said:


> Your search history is almost stranger than mine!
> 
> https://www.google.com/search?q=spa...ved=0ahUKEwjB-_bg7eHKAhUCrRoKHYwkDE0Q_AUICCgC



Phil, there is some seriously weird stuff at that link!


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## Butterfly

SifuPhil said:


> View attachment 26579




Your cat dresses funny.


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## SifuPhil

Butterfly said:


> Phil, there is some seriously weird stuff at that link!



Weird? No, I wouldn't call it that ... _unique_, maybe ... 



Butterfly said:


> Your cat dresses funny.



To be technically accurate, _*I*_ dress my cat funny. He's not real crazy about Dress-Up Day.


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## SifuPhil

My place, this Sunday, 10am until ...?


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## SifuPhil

Candy is projected to sell $1.7 billion this year.

Imagine if that money were instead put toward something useful - like tires, or shoes?


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## Butterfly

SifuPhil said:


> View attachment 26775
> 
> My place, this Sunday, 10am until ...?



Great!  I may be a little late -- it takes me forever to get into that red spandex outfit without help, and Bonnie doesn't have thumbs.


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## SifuPhil

Butterfly said:


> Great!  I may be a little late -- it takes me forever to get into that red spandex outfit without help, and Bonnie doesn't have thumbs.



Ah, the lack of opposable thumbs - a curse, certainly.

I've never quite understood why - 

...

..._ red spandex_? :love_heart:

*brain lock*


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## Shalimar

Ok, Butterfly, that should coordinate well with my black Lycra..Vicky, what are you wearing? I assume I bring Devil's food cake? I have a rum toddy labeled, hot buttered sin.


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## Arachne

I will bring a date lol


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## Shalimar

Please do Arachne, will you be arriving in spider form?


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## Arachne

Shalimar said:


> Please do Arachne, will you be arriving in spider form?



Why yes I will you cannot miss me


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## Shalimar

Wow, Arachne, that is fabulous!


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## SifuPhil

Boy, this is going to be the best AVD party ever! 

I'll be wearing my usual devil-angel outfit ...


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## Shalimar

Philly, where are your feet?


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## SifuPhil

Shalimar said:


> Philly, where are your feet?



Oh ... there was a somewhat nasty accident when I was trying to use the blender to make AVD smoothies ...


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## Cookie

Ha HA HA HA.  Cut off his legs and call him shorty!


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## Cookie

Arachne said:


> Why yes I will you cannot miss me




Pretty in Pink!


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## SifuPhil

Cookie said:


> Ha HA HA HA.  Cut off his legs and call him shorty!



Oh, that's ... that's just cruel! 

I prefer "Stumpy" - Stumpy the Devil-Angel.


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## Cookie

I am so so sorry, it just slipped out, I should be more sensitive.  But that is one really cute little suit, Phil. So cute!


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## SifuPhil

Cookie said:


> I am so so sorry, it just slipped out, I should be more sensitive.  But that is one really cute little suit, Phil. So cute!



Yes, that comment was just over my head - it brought me up short. 

But thank you for the outfit comment. My Mommy - Mrs. Devil - made it for me a long time ago.


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## Cookie

Ha ha ha ha.  Glad to oblige ... glad to oblige.  And no more playing with the power tools, young man!


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## SifuPhil

Cookie said:


> Ha ha ha ha.  Glad to oblige ... glad to oblige.  And no more playing with the power tools, young man!



Awww ... you NEVER let me have any fun! 

But I promise - I'll never again try to stomp the grapes while the blender is running.


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## Ina




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## Shalimar

Ina, hahahahahahahaha. Awesome!


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## SifuPhil

Yeah, Ina - THAT'S getting in the spirit now! :encouragement:


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## Arachne

shudders.. somethings say I hate Valentines day like a clown..


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## SifuPhil

Arachne, you've just given me nightmare material for my next nap.

In fact, I'm now going to stay awake as long as possible.


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## Arachne

SifuPhil said:


> Arachne, you've just given me nightmare material for my next nap.
> 
> In fact, I'm now going to stay awake as long as possible.


  *does a sinister laugh..Anyways I decided I would look at old valentines I gave out as a kid and found a few totally wrong ones that fit your anti V day..






 and this keeper


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## SifuPhil

Wow. Just ... wow. Where to start?

The first one I thought would simply be labeled "Kiss my a**" - a vengeance card. 

The second card - with the stereotyped Chinese kid (who looks more like a transsexual American devil baby than a Chinese child) doing laundry ... really? 

And yet, these were the cards of our youth!


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## SifuPhil

It's getting closer ... Valentine's Day ... I can feel it like a sickness creeping over me ...

SAVE ME FROM THE CHOCOLATE AND ROSES !!!


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## SifuPhil

Must ... resist ... must ... not ... give ... in ...



Oh, Lord, no! Too cute ...


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## Shalimar

Awwww Philly, want a mermaid valentine?


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## SifuPhil

Shalimar said:


> Awwww Philly, want a mermaid valentine?




NOOOooooo!

That would definitely unhinge me. 

I must stay strong ...


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## Shalimar

Why?


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## SifuPhil

Shalimar said:


> Why?




Why? Because I cannot be a traitor to my beliefs ...


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## NancyNGA

SifuPhil said:


> It's getting closer ... Valentine's Day ... I can feel it like a sickness creeping over me ...
> 
> View attachment 26841


:lol1:
May I cone to your party, Phil?  :hide:


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## SifuPhil

Arrgh!


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## SifuPhil

NancyNGA said:


> :lol1:
> May I cone to your party, Phil?  :hide:




Yes, yes, please - I need the moral support. I feel myself slipping over to the dark side - I actually went out tonight and bought heart balloons, stuffed bears and 72 pounds of chocolate ... :cower:


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## NancyNGA

:thanks:

I was thinking we might use your flame thrower, start a bonfire, throw in all the old valentines we've kept over the years.  Maybe chocolate, too.


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## Shalimar

Were the chocolates for me Philly? Be careful how you answer........


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## Shalimar

I know who may be sacrificed in a pyre to the great Orca Oracle, if a certain delicate mermaid does not get her chocolates!!!!


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## SifuPhil

NancyNGA said:


> :thanks:
> 
> I was thinking we might use your flame thrower, start a bonfire, throw in all the old valentines we've kept over the years.  Maybe chocolate, too.


 While there is perhaps nothing I would enjoy more than a huge bonfire of  cards and candies, I also have to consider my mortal soul and physical  body. The reason is below ...



Shalimar said:


> Were the chocolates for me Philly? Be careful how you answer........



Yes, dear - all 72 pounds, and I can get you more if you wish. 



Shalimar said:


> I know who may be sacrificed in a pyre to the great Orca Oracle, if a certain delicate mermaid does not get her chocolates!!!!



All hail to delicate mermaids, who would NEVER harm a weak human man who brings them chocolate gifts in abundance!

*sigh*

I hate myself ...


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## fureverywhere

AWWW Guys I have heavily spiked cocoa for everybody...Candy for hubby and each kid in the house, peanut butter stuffed bone for Callie, rib bone for Sophie with her peeing problem...pain in the butt she is. V Day is almost herrrre


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## Ina




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## SifuPhil

Woke up this morning; it's -2F, cold and icy, just like my heart.

A frigid wind is blowing, just like the breath in my lungs. 

It's dark and dismal outside.
*
Happy Anti-Valentine's Day! 


*Remember - party today! Everything is already laid out. Just let me wake up with my coffee first ...

*sits in front of computer in robe, sucking down 4th mug of hot coffee*


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## SifuPhil

*Phil rouses groggily under a pile of deflated balloons and ripped Teddy bears*

*The house is empty*

Where'd everyone go? Is the party over? 

*drinks some warm ginger ale, sneezes*


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## Shalimar

Philly, why are you wearing spanx on your head?


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## vickyNightowl

"Looking through Phils house'

Better not find any chocolates or  cheesy valentine stuff...


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## SifuPhil

Shalimar said:


> Philly, why are you wearing spanx on your head?



My ears were cold .... I think ...



vickyNightowl said:


> "Looking through Phils house'
> 
> Better not find any chocolates or  cheesy valentine stuff...



No, all gone. Shali ate the chocolates, and the cards and Teddy bears disappeared in the bonfire.


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## Arachne

Anyone seen my pink spandex suit?


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## SifuPhil

Arachne said:


> Anyone seen my pink spandex suit?



Don't know how this happened, Arachne, but ...


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## Arachne

hahaha that's hilarious who needs pink elephants, when a pink horse will do..^.^


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## SifuPhil

Of course, it's now stretched out of size - I'll pay for a new one for you, I promise. 

These kinds of strange things always seem to happen at my parties ...


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## Ina

I came to your party too Phil. I was the one in the heart costume doubling everyone's drinks, and mixing up everyone keys.  I shaved a few heads, and I think a few of the ladies might be angry at you, because I told them you chose the hair styles. 
 :hide:


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## SifuPhil

That would explain the chicken feathers super-glued to my head ...


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## Ina

Well you did say it was an anti-Valutine's Day party, and I was trying to do you proud.  If you hadn't told that lady she looked an ostrich with a stretched out crooked neck, you might have just gotten off with just few unwanted smooches.  You can always count on me to back you up, and I do it with pleasure.


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## SifuPhil

Thank you for having my back - Buddha knows I expose it often enough.


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