# I feel sorry for my husband....



## Colleen (Aug 27, 2021)

If you've seen my other posts you know that my husband, David, had a total knee replacement done today. I feel bad for him because neither of his "kids" (his son is 51 and daughter is 47) has called him to say, "Good luck with the surgery. I'll be thinking of you."....or something to that effect. His daughter hasn't called him in 7 weeks. His son called him 2 weeks ago and told him he wouldn't be coming up to the hospital to see him because they'd ask him to get a Covid test or get the vaccine or wear a mask and he said he wouldn't do any of those things because he doesn't believe in them. That's a very selfish thing if you ask me. Besides, the hospital wouldn't let him in any way because they have restricted visitors, but that's beside the point. This is the second time his son has told him this. The other time was in June when David had back surgery. I told David last night I would NOT be texting or calling his son or daughter to let them know how the surgery went today. David is getting a real wake-up call about just how much his kids don't care about him. Poor guy


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## Gaer (Aug 27, 2021)

Call them!    Say, "Hey, Your Dad had surgery today.  Did you want to talk to him?"
I used to do that with my late husband.
Always try to affect the day in a positive way instead of holding bitterness.
Think of your husband.  After he talks to his kids, he will feel so much better!
It doesn't matter who calls who!


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## Bellbird (Aug 27, 2021)

I am afraid that is the selfish world we live in today.


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## Brookswood (Aug 27, 2021)

How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child.


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## mellowyellow (Aug 27, 2021)

I feel bad for him too, hope they have a good excuse.


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## RobinWren (Aug 27, 2021)

There is no excuse, how long does it take to pick up the phone and talk for a few minutes, just so that he knows they care. Your husband would recuperate faster. He is a lucky man to have you.


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## win231 (Aug 28, 2021)

Colleen said:


> If you've seen my other posts you know that my husband, David, had a total knee replacement done today. I feel bad for him because neither of his "kids" (his son is 51 and daughter is 47) has called him to say, "Good luck with the surgery. I'll be thinking of you."....or something to that effect. His daughter hasn't called him in 7 weeks. His son called him 2 weeks ago and told him he wouldn't be coming up to the hospital to see him because they'd ask him to get a Covid test or get the vaccine or wear a mask and he said he wouldn't do any of those things because he doesn't believe in them. That's a very selfish thing if you ask me. Besides, the hospital wouldn't let him in any way because they have restricted visitors, but that's beside the point. This is the second time his son has told him this. The other time was in June when David had back surgery. I told David last night I would NOT be texting or calling his son or daughter to let them know how the surgery went today. David is getting a real wake-up call about just how much his kids don't care about him. Poor guy


That type of distant relationship doesn't just happen overnight.  It takes years to get that way.  You probably know why they aren't close.  I'm sure David also knows.   I speak from experience.


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## fuzzybuddy (Aug 28, 2021)

win231 said:


> That type of distant relationship doesn't just happen overnight.  It takes years to get that way.  You probably know why they aren't close.  I'm sure David also knows.   I speak from experience.


I have to agree with Win231. This distant relationship did not begin last week. Rather than focusing on what his children aren't doing, why aren't they doing it? There has to be a reason, and I doubt David's kids will warm up to him, unless those issues are addressed.


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## Colleen (Aug 29, 2021)

win231 said:


> That type of distant relationship doesn't just happen overnight.  It takes years to get that way.  You probably know why they aren't close.  I'm sure David also knows.   I speak from experience.


You are absolutely right. David always says..."I don't understand it. I thought I was a good father." The truth is...his ex, who is an alcoholic (and the kids have always denied it), only used David as a weekend babysitter so she could go out and carouse around. No matter how much she neglected them growing up, they stick up for her no matter what. He's always deluded himself thinking he was "close" to his kids. His daughter, who's 47, never really knew him until 1997 when she was 22 years old. She was afraid of him because her mother had told her all kinds of lies about him. His ex kept his daughter away from him as much as possible and always made excuses why David couldn't have her for the weekends. It amazes me how protective of their mother they are.


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## grahamg (Aug 29, 2021)

This placard says it all though I'd agree coercion wont really work, and of course shouldn't be necessary:


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## Tish (Aug 29, 2021)

Perhaps you could call them from the hospital and let them at least speak to him.


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## oldpanightowl (Aug 29, 2021)

When I run into these types of things ( basically negativity) I like to think of something an old friend of mine said many years ago. "Do not let anyone rent free space in your head". I have found that when I am dealing with other peoples actions and feelings I cannot change them I can only change myself. I hope this helps.


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## win231 (Aug 30, 2021)

grahamg said:


> This placard says it all though I'd agree coercion wont really work, and of course shouldn't be necessary:
> 
> View attachment 181072


Hugs, love, laughter & care are much like respect.  No one is entitled to them simply because of their title of "Parent."
They have to be earned.  And when they are earned, no one has to ask for them to get them.
That's true of any title - Dr, Officer, Sgt, Professor.


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## Jules (Aug 30, 2021)

Sometimes it’s just the character of the children.  Not this case, but two or more kids with the same parents and they don’t all turn out the same.  Parents can try to do everything as well as possible and it just doesn’t work.  It’s sad that both of your husband’s children are uncaring.


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## Knight (Aug 30, 2021)

Let's not forget the negative emotional impact this is having on Colleen. I feel sorry for her as well.


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## grahamg (Aug 30, 2021)

win231 said:


> Hugs, love, laughter & care are much like respect.  No one is entitled to them simply because of their title of "Parent."
> They have to be earned.  And when they are earned, no one has to ask for them to get them.


Please see separate thread on the subject of whether parents should be respected, and why your argument may not hold water.


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## senior chef (Aug 30, 2021)

win231 said:


> Hugs, love, laughter & care are much like respect. * No one is entitled to them simply because of their title of "Parent."*
> They have to be earned.  And when they are earned, no one has to ask for them to get them.


Exactly !  Well said.


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## grahamg (Sep 17, 2021)

Do these song lyrics fit into this thread at all, (I hope so)?:

Slip Slidin' Away​Paul Simon

Slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
You know the nearer your destination
The more you're slip slidin' away

I know a man
He came from my home town
He wore his passion for his woman
Like a thorny crown
He said Delores
I live in fear
My love for you's so overpowering
I'm afraid that I will disappear

Slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
You know the nearer your destination
The more you're slip slidin' away

I know a woman
Became a wife
These are the very words she uses
To describe her life
She said a good day
Ain't got no rain
She said a bad day's when I lie in bed
And think of things that might have been

Slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
You know the nearer your destination
The more you're slip slidin' away

And I know a father
Who had a son
He longed to tell him all the reasons
For the things he'd done
He came a long way
Just to explain
He kissed his boy as he lay sleeping
Then he turned around and headed home again

He's slip slidin'
Slip slidin' away
You know the nearer your destination
The more you're slip slidin' away

God only knows
God makes his plan
The information's unavailable
To the mortal man
We work our jobs
Collect our pay
Believe we're gliding down the highway
When in fact we're slip slidin' away

Slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
You know the nearer your destination
The more you're slip slidin' away

Slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
You know the nearer your destination
The more you're slip slidin' away
Mmm


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## grahamg (Sep 17, 2021)




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## Ronni (Oct 2, 2021)

These are appear to be your stepchildren the way you explain things. It’s hard having step kids, especially when they treat the man you love in a way you don’t like, that is disrespectful or uncaring or unresponsive.

Your priority is your husband obviously. You aren’t responsible for his relationship with his kids.

That said, in your shoes I’d probably be calling them and putting them on the phone with their Dad rather than leaving it alone to work itself out.

Understand, I’m not suggesting that’s the RIGHT thing to do, it’s just what *I* would do in an effort to be as supportive of my husband as I could,  regardless of his kids’ wishes in the matter. 

The caveat to that of course is that your husband would WANT to hear from his kids.


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## Alligatorob (Oct 2, 2021)

Growing up we knew some friends of my grandparents who retired near us.  Very nice people so far as I could see, the man took me fishing and paid a lot of attention to me, almost a surrogate grandfather.  My parents also had a good relationship with them I remember eating at their house, and them eating at ours.

The strange thing was that they had children of their own with whom they had no communications what so ever.  They did not even know where their kids were, what they were doing, or even if they were alive.  Looking back there had to have been a lot to that story I never knew...

They were from somewhere in Kentucky and retired to Florida, at first we were the only people they knew.  We did not meet them until they retired.  My grandfather worked with the man for many years, he probably knew something but never said so...


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