# "Gray Divorce" - More Couples Over 50 Are Calling It Quits



## SeaBreeze

Couples over fifty are getting divorced more frequently than they did in the past, here's some of the reasons why... 



> Nearly one in four people who is experiencing divorce in the U.S. is over 50. Almost one in 10 is older than 64. People over the age of 50 are twice as likely to divorce as their forebears were as recently as 1990. And for that age, education doesn’t matter: those with degrees and those without are having the divorce papers drawn up in equal numbers.
> 
> You’d think after two decades of living in close quarters, people would have ironed out their differences. And you could well be right, but that doesn’t mean they’re happy. “Many of these marriages have not been marked by severe discord,” says the study “Gray Divorce: A Growing Risk Regardless of Class or Education,” which went online on Oct 8.
> 
> Instead, it seems like empty-nesters, having finished that joint project known as raising the kids, now find they don’t have so much in common. And since divorce can be free (at least theoretically) of finger pointing and blame—no fault divorce is now available in every state—they go their separate ways once the children are grown.



Full article:  http://time.com/3479037/grey-divorce-boomers-no-fault-divorce/


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## Mrs. Robinson

That`s what my parents did-divorced after 38 years of marriage and raising 5 kids. It had more to do with my dad`s worsening bipolar illness(and his refusal to take meds) than it did the fact that we were all grown though. My mom was 55,my dad was 57 when they divorced.


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## SeaBreeze

My parents divorced after a long marriage too, they waited for me (the baby) to get older.  My mother was 55 also.  I didn't even know they had a serious issue, back then things were kept very quiet and discreet, even from us kids, there were four of us.  Sorry to hear your dad had bipolar, that must have been rough for him and the whole family.  Luckily, I've reached 38 years with my hubby, and we plan to stay together.


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## WhatInThe

They actually nail it. A common cause can unite people. Throw some messy social stigma rules along with a legal nightmare and you have two people that can't stand each other living together. A common cause or specific purpose like money keeps people in jobs and with companies they can't stand/hate. They even tolerate people coworkers & peers because they have to, not because they want to. Even in a military or sports setting a common goal unites people. Some carry that unity the rest of their lives. Most move on to something different. Why should a marriage be any different.

It took me decades before I realized just how "fake" people are in that most put on Oscar winning performances 90% of the time. It's not just about hiding something like a dirty little secret. Most go out of their way to seem socially acceptable because they want to belong/status. Most people go out of their way to hide physical weakness by using adrenaline to accomplish physical tasks. They drink or drug to hide emotional instability & insecurity. It's all a show for a personal agenda. Sure some are true blue but that's not the full reality.

The older I get the fewer surprises and shocks.


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## SeaBreeze

I definitely believe that if two people aren't happy with each other, they should get divorced, regardless of age.  Life is too short to spend it with somebody you're miserable with, and who you're likely making miserable too.  None of us were born to please another human being, if it happens to work out that way, it's great.  I always felt that if my husband had the desire to be with someone else, or didn't love me anymore, I would let him go peacefully.  I wouldn't try to take him to the cleaners in a divorce settlement either.  We both worked during our marriage, and we should split things as equally as possible.  I've heard some real nightmare stories from men who were screwed over by their ex's.


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## Ralphy1

If you can ever find it there is a great movie, Divorce American Style, starring Dick Van Dyke, that is an hilarious take on it, compared to War of the Roses which is a nasty one...


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## Bee

_*



			I've heard some real nightmare stories from men who were screwed over by their ex's.
		
Click to expand...


*_Sorry SeaBreeze, but that works in reverse too as I know to my cost.


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## Meanderer

Marriages that are fake from the beginning, don't stand a chance.  Many survive on "life support" over the years, but eventually one will "pull the plug".   A true marriage will survive all sorts of storms and trials over the years...it is a happy mystery.


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## Falcon

Then there's the sad story about only ONE of the mates being unhappy.


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## ClassicRockr

We got married at an older age. I was 49 and she was 50. No kids or grandkids. This next March 2015, it will be 14 years.......and the marriage is still going *STRONG*!!  But, then again, we have a whole lot of the same interests/likes. Basically, the only time we are apart is when she is at work during the week. Our marriage has to be good since I walk with her to the car (or truck) each morning, give her a kiss "goodbye" and wave "bye" to her as she drives away. Been doing this for the last 6 years........rain or shine! 

Yes, I do *LOVE* my wife!!


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## Janis

So right!    Right now my son  in law and daughter are "planning' a divorce but have no malicious thought toward each other.   My daughter decided that occasional visits to work in Palestine were not enough.  Her calling was there.  My son in law deserves a wife who can be a partner in person.  They both understand this.  it will be a bit messy but not mean given the distance.  The funny part is they email and talk every day.  they can't be a couple but can't quite separate either.


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## Joslyn

Sadly I must include myself in this statistic. Divorced at age 45 (I know, not quite 50, but felt like it at the time) after 25 years of marriage. We're amiable, always have been. We changed, for whatever reason weren't able to grow together as a couple. I will say this, it is empty and dffiicult living in a marriage that is wrong. I agree with comment from Meander that some marriages survive on "life support". Ours sure did. The last 10 years a struggle. No, it is best to part company and give both parties a chance at happiness. There is lots of living to be done.


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## Denise1952

SeaBreeze said:


> Couples over fifty are getting divorced more frequently than they did in the past, here's some of the reasons why...
> 
> 
> 
> Full article:  http://time.com/3479037/grey-divorce-boomers-no-fault-divorce/



Just an opinion here, because I have never had a long-lasting marriage/partnership, but I think that "grass is greener" thing kicks in too.  If you get caught up in what "other" people are doing, and it looks so inviting, I think it's easy to think it will be a "wonderful" life away from some hum-drum marriage.  I think a lot of people are sadly disappointed in what they find outside of their marriage when they leave.

Everyone knows good reasons to divorce (abuse, infidelity, I mean, I better say these are my good reasons) but there are couples I know that have stayed together, they are best friends, and they haven't had any big problems I know of anyway.  I do believe any, couple that try living together is going to experience difficulties.  

I heard something once, I'll never forget, and it was about a man, and woman that wanted to divorce after 30 or so years I think it was.  The counselor they were seeing said "what seems to be the biggest problem" and they said they just didn't love each other anymore.  The counselor told them to forget about love for the time being, and just try to be kind to one another.  They never divorced, to this day, that I know of.  As the story goes, they fell back in love all over again too.


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## Denise1952

Meanderer said:


> Marriages that are fake from the beginning, don't stand a chance.  Many survive on "life support" over the years, but eventually one will "pull the plug".   A true marriage will survive all sorts of storms and trials over the years...it is a happy mystery.



I believe this for sure.  Back in the day, folks courted, then wed etc.  I mean I know not everybody "back in the day" picked right, but I think marriages stood a better chance when people took the time to see if they could be good friends, as well as lovers.  Who doesn't know the friendship lasts much longer then just, great sex.  Nothing wrong with great sex, but a few flings with guys I didn't give a dern about taught me that wouldn't make a marriage.  I still hope for a man to be best friends with.

Anyway, it's like the Joneses divorced so we should try that too, it's popular, good lord, look at what's in now, that wasn't 100 years ago.  Yes I know there are some good changes, but the morals my grandparents had were way better then todays imo.


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## Debby

I wonder if there is a study that might go hand in hand with the observation about older people divorcing, that would say whether it was more likely the wife who made the first move to leave or the husband.

My husbands mother left her husband and she was in her 60's when she moved out.


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## Denise1952

I'll bet the women leave the greater % of the time.  That's bet is only because that's what I see most often.  Seems like the men are way more willing to stay, and again, that's only in the divorces I see around here.

When I see tv, and movies, I can't help but dream about some of the things women do now that seems so inviting.  I know that like my grandmother, many women stayed home and raised kids, did housework, and their big fling was to the grocery store.  Men, like my grandpa left home everyday for work, got out of the house, was free of children, etc.  I think women more often feel they've missed out on so much.  When the man retires, he is ready to play, or often, just stay home.  The women wants to do more, I think I would too.

A lot of single/divorced men I meet, are all sad because their wives left and "they" say, took all the dough.  A lot of those same men are stick in the muds, and don't even want to get out of the house.  That's where I'm getting my ideas, is from talking to folks like that.


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## Joslyn

Hello. I agree with you in part. A lot of men are left by their wives, and, yes, many of the wives leave and take a good portion of the couple's assets. I don't agree with those who are out to ruin the other half - fairness should always be the route to go. And sadly I have come across many bitter men. My ex husband and I were able to work through things very fairly and no way can he be called a stick in the mud. He got on with his life much sooner and more easily than myself. Our children both say we are both much happier now than when together and our friends have told us we should give lessons on how to have a good divorce!


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## Debby

nwlady said:


> I'll bet the women leave the greater % of the time.  That's bet is only because that's what I see most often.  Seems like the men are way more willing to stay, and again, that's only in the divorces I see around here.
> 
> When I see tv, and movies, I can't help but dream about some of the things women do now that seems so inviting.  I know that like my grandmother, many women stayed home and raised kids, did housework, and their big fling was to the grocery store.  Men, like my grandpa left home everyday for work, got out of the house, was free of children, etc.  I think women more often feel they've missed out on so much.  When the man retires, he is ready to play, or often, just stay home.  The women wants to do more, I think I would too.
> 
> A lot of single/divorced men I meet, are all sad because their wives left and "they" say, took all the dough.  A lot of those same men are stick in the muds, and don't even want to get out of the house.  That's where I'm getting my ideas, is from talking to folks like that.




I know of one woman who is leaving her husband  and  one of the primary reasons is she says she's tired of 'taking care of him' as in he needs a mother more than he needs a wife.  She says if she ever gets married again, it would be to someone who would take care of her once in a while.


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## Debby

Joslyn said:


> Hello. I agree with you in part. A lot of men are left by their wives, and, yes, many of the wives leave and take a good portion of the couple's assets. I don't agree with those who are out to ruin the other half - fairness should always be the route to go. And sadly I have come across many bitter men. My ex husband and I were able to work through things very fairly and no way can he be called a stick in the mud. He got on with his life much sooner and more easily than myself. Our children both say we are both much happier now than when together and our friends have told us we should give lessons on how to have a good divorce!




It's nice that you guys settled it amicably.  Did you initially find that either of you were blamed by friends who didn't understand how the 'leaver' could do that to the other?  And did they get over it?


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## ClassicRockr

Totally understand why this lady would leave him. In marriage, husband takes care of wife and visa/versa........that is, IF both are healthy enough to do that. That's the way our marriage is and should be in any marriage!

*However*, my SIL and her husband decided to part ways, but not divorcing, b/c of his health. They are both in their late 60's and been married for years upon years. She told us, "Can't take care of him anymore", whereas the truth is, and she also told us this, "he doesn't want my help and I'd rather be around the grandkids than him". He moved into an apartment where he can get the health-care help, if he needs it. They still see each other, at times, but she has taken her wedding set off. They both seem very happy living apart.

Just got an e-mail from another lady that use to be a co-worker of my wife. Her husband has had his "ups and downs" w/health for quite a while. She's had health issues as well. In the e-mail, she told us "I feel bad for feeling this way, but I'm getting tired of taking care of him." No talk of divorce or split, but she does feel this way. They are in their early 70's.    



Debby said:


> I know of one woman who is leaving her husband  and  one of the primary reasons is she says she's tired of 'taking care of him' as in he needs a mother more than he needs a wife.  She says if she ever gets married again, it would be to someone who would take care of her once in a while.


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## Mrs. Robinson

Sad that a wife wouldn`t want to take care of her husband when he`s ill. Wasn`t that part of the vows? No fun,I`m sure,but wow. Of course,I know many women who were treated like crap their entire marriages who,I`m guessing,wouldn`t want to take care of the guy now,but then she should have gotten out years ago. If I even look the slightest bit tired my guy steps it up (he already does sooo much)and takes over doing things that I usually do. Not sure what I ever did to be so blessed.


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## Joslyn

Hello Debby. Our friends didn't lay "blame" really. They were saddened, but had seen it coming. They supported him, they supported me. He has remained much closer to them than myself, mainly because he is more of a social butterfly than I am and visits them regularly. I am welcomed into their homes but must admit I don't feel part of their crowd anymore. It isn't the same, can't be the same cause things aren't the same. We must move on.


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## despair99

Looked for forums on gray divorce, found this and registered, only to discover this thread was the only one and it didn't seem to generate responses too long after the initial post.  In some respects, the contemplation of divorce is "the same old story," especially when an older partner falls for a younger woman - talk about a cliche.  In other respects, every situation is unique in its own way.  Tolstoy commented on this some 140 years ago: "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."  Probably sounds more profound in Russian.  In any case, is this subject no longer of interest here?  Am I missing any other threads.  In part, I'm interested in unloading, whining, contemplating the meaning of happiness/contentment, thinking about how one looks at the last 20-30 years, etc.  If no replies, I might try an OP and see what happens.


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## Falcon

I'd love to know, after ALL these years,  what  Blondie and Dagwood  have to keep them happy.

They lead a good life.


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## Vega_Lyra

Dear despair99,
Try to remember this :

*Nobody can hurt you without your permission*. ~ Mahatma Gandhi. :wave:


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## despair99

*Hurt, Revenge, Oblivion*

My younger friend and I have resorted for years to "It is what it is."  She's 26 years younger, single mother of three, two divorces.  Educationally, culturally, politically we're like the proverbial chalk and cheese, and yet for almost six years we have told each other that we're BFFs and love each other deeply, etc.  Again, the usual cliches.  But I'm married for 32 years, have two adult children (both of whom, thankfully, are a little younger than my friend).  My wife and I run a business together - she's the money maker, I'm the back office.  For more than a decade I've felt like more of an employee.  We don't dislike each other, and to a point we still love each other.  And there's that 32 years of shared, and fundamentally okay, history.  But I'm not happy and dread however many more years I have on this earth.  I don't want to divorce to be alone or to begin dating.  I want to divorce to be with a woman who probably won't have me, for all the reasons you can guess.

Thanks for the comments.  As for hurt - I'm doing that to myself.  Revenge - no I don't want revenge on anyone.  And oblivion - I'm the one seeking it for myself.








Vega_Lyra said:


> Dear despair99,
> Try to remember this :
> 
> *Nobody can hurt you without your permission*. ~ Mahatma Gandhi. :wave:


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## Camper6

That Mahatma Gandhi quote.?

It's a misquote.  He didn't say that.


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## Camper6

> I'll bet the women leave the greater % of the time.  That's bet is only  because that's what I see most often.  Seems like the men are way more  willing to stay, and again, that's only in the divorces I see around  here.



I think you are right.  In my opinion women are most dissatisfied with their lives.  


Apr 17, 2014 - Some people do get _butthurt_ incredibly easily, and I think there's a point ... But when _you_ say, “Well, _nobody can_ make _you_ feel bad _without your_ ... The actual “_quote_” is '_No one can_ make _you_ feel inferior _without your consent_.


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## hearlady

Both partners will not be happy at the same time all of the time. 
Neither will give 100% all the time. It will shift 80-20, 30-70, 99-1.
I get those "One of these days Alice!" moments but they usually don't last. 
Is it fake to try when things are hard? Can you fake it til you make it in marriage or is it too late after many years?


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## MarciKS

SeaBreeze said:


> Couples over fifty are getting divorced more frequently than they did in the past, here's some of the reasons why...
> 
> 
> 
> Full article:  http://time.com/3479037/grey-divorce-boomers-no-fault-divorce/


honestly...i don't know how anyone can tolerate living with someone for 50+ yrs. let alone staying in love. it takes daily effort to make a relationship of any kind work. once the neglect sets in it's usually close to being too late by then.

love is great in the beginning. but once the new wears off & they get comfy...i don't know. i never had any luck with it. that's why i've chosen to remain alone. if i can't keep friends i can hardly expect to keep a love interest let alone a husband.


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## Warrigal

Mrs. Robinson said:


> Sad that a wife wouldn`t want to take care of her husband when he`s ill. Wasn`t that part of the vows? No fun,I`m sure,but wow. Of course,I know many women who were treated like crap their entire marriages who,I`m guessing,wouldn`t want to take care of the guy now,but then she should have gotten out years ago. If I even look the slightest bit tired my guy steps it up (he already does sooo much)and takes over doing things that I usually do. Not sure what I ever did to be so blessed.


I'm glad you brought up the vows. I have always said that  before making the vows one should ask "Is this the person I want to live the rest of my life with?" If you have any doubts about the answer then do not marry. 

During the marriage it is sometimes necessary to reflect on our vows and recommit. When the day comes that we cannot commit to the vows again then the marriage is broken. If it cannot be mended then separation is better than living a lie.

Hubby and I have been married for 57 years and it wasn't all blissful but we have stayed true to  the up and down sides of the vows we made all those years ago and worked our way through the rough patches. In sickness and in health is the next challenge ahead of us. Hopefully we can still be together as we both decline. I made this commitment just today.


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## jujube

My parents got divorced after 35 years of marriage.  Against the odds, it was my mother who had the mid-life crises and traded him in for a younger model.  They remarried, though, 2 1/2 years later and we always just pretended "the unpleasantness" never happened.  They stayed together until my dad died.


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## 911

I was called out to an older home out in the middle of nowhere up in the mountains of Pennsylvania. The man was 67 y/o and the woman was 68 y/o. He was drunk and beat the crap out of the dear old woman using his cane. I had to arrest him and she was begging me to let him stay. I told her no, the state will handle this and you need to go to the hospital. I called for an ambulance and she went willingly. I got her daughter’s phone number and advised her of the situation and she agreed to go to the hospital to be with her mother. 

The EMT onboard told me that this was his second call of the day involving Seniors. I was surprised to hear that.


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## jerry old

I surface every decade of so to take the pulse of society.  
Last time I checked old folks were getting married, shacking up, doing whatever was
necessary to survive on meager incomes. The unions were driven by economic need.
I think that was in the 1980's.

Today, I guess the finality of a divorce is necessary for various reasons: assets is the only one that comes to mind.   
Otherwise, just pack up, wave good by.


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## Don M.

For us, marriage is Forever.  We've got 55 years under our belts, and I expect we'll make it the rest of the way.  It hasn't always been totally "congenial", and we've had our fair share of disagreements, but we find a way to compromise.  I can't imagine living without her, and one of my biggest objectives is to make sure she is well taken care of, if I go first.


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## jerry old

Don M. said:


> For us, marriage is Forever.   I can't imagine living without her, and one of my biggest objectives is to make sure she is well taken care of, if I go first.


That's the way we grew up-what happened?
Few of us understand the society were living in, worse-our opinions and mores,  are 'ancient', mere oddities in this ugly new world.


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## grahamg

WhatInThe said:


> They actually nail it. A common cause can unite people. Throw some messy social stigma rules along with a legal nightmare and you have two people that can't stand each other living together. A common cause or specific purpose like money keeps people in jobs and with companies they can't stand/hate. They even tolerate people coworkers & peers because they have to, not because they want to. Break.
> It took me decades before I realized just how "fake" people are in that most put on Oscar winning performances 90% of the time. It's not just about hiding something like a dirty little secret. Most go out of their way to seem socially acceptable because they want to belong/status. Most people go out of their way to hide physical weakness by using adrenaline to accomplish physical tasks. They drink or drug to hide emotional instability & insecurity. It's all a show for a personal agenda. Sure some are true blue but that's not the full reality.
> 
> The older I get the fewer surprises and shocks.


Your post rings many bells in my mind, in particular how long it took you to realise just how "fake" people are......"! (I may have started a thread on the subject recently.   ).

Its certainly true most marriages used to last, (only 5% ending in divorce in the UK fifty years ago, an most of those divorcing or the larger percentage, wouldn't have been older couples). Divorce used to be thought of as unthinkable once for many people, certainly for themselves, come hell or high water, but generally I'd say people supported others in their marriages, or there was cultural support in some way, recognised by the state too. However, my father did speak of older couples who separated or divorced, and yet he mentioned it because it was noteworthily rare.   .


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## Victor

Judging from a relationship-marriage forum I visit, I am not surprised by this--old thread.
So many couples, admitting it or not,  are going through the motions as roommates, partners
but the love is gone, or diminished, sex gone. Worldwide, in middle age.  many would like a divorce
but cannot or will not. If the wife is working or has her own money, it is so much easier.
 I know one woman who I wish was divorced.


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## grahamg

Camper6 said:


> I think you are right.  In my opinion women are most dissatisfied with their lives.
> Apr 17, 2014 - Some people do get _butthurt_ incredibly easily, and I think there's a point ... But when _you_ say, “Well, _nobody can_ make _you_ feel bad _without your_ ... The actual “_quote_” is '_No one can_ make _you_ feel inferior _without your consent_.


Maybe, but some folks certainly go out of their way to try!     .


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## squatting dog

Meanderer said:


> A true marriage will survive all sorts of storms and trials over the years...it is a happy mystery.



Stick me in the "happy mystery" section. Made it this far (48 years), and I'm sure we'll go the distance.


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## fuzzybuddy

My brother divorced about 3-4 years ago, after about 35+ years. My relationship with his wife deteriorated right from the onset. I was his Best Man. I remember at the wedding, she was walking down the aisle. As she's about 20 feet  away, my brother looked at me, and said, "I'm not going through with this". I didn't know if was just jitters or what. I told him to go through with the ceremony and, we'd get an annulment right after. He said, 'Okay". I can't say if my brother's marriage was a good one or not. That's up to him. But frankly, there were a lot of times I wonder what would have happened, if I didn't open my mouth, and  he didn't go through with the marriage.


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## Aneeda72

MarciKS said:


> honestly...i don't know how anyone can tolerate living with someone for 50+ yrs. let alone staying in love. it takes daily effort to make a relationship of any kind work. once the neglect sets in it's usually close to being too late by then.
> 
> love is great in the beginning. but once the new wears off & they get comfy...i don't know. i never had any luck with it. that's why i've chosen to remain alone. if i can't keep friends i can hardly expect to keep a love interest let alone a husband.


Hmm, well, we are at 48 years, besides the kids, grandkids, and great granddaughters we have one more thing in common-his paychecks


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## WhatInThe

I think it's a matter of less stigma on divorces and with technology including health gains people have more time for/to themselves including time to think about their marriage/relationship. There is less need or obligation to stay with someone as long for many.


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## MarciKS

Aneeda72 said:


> Hmm, well, we are at 48 years, besides the kids, grandkids, and great granddaughters we have one more thing in common-his paychecks


OMG @Aneeda72 I could never stay with a man for a paycheck. No offense to you.


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## Aneeda72

MarciKS said:


> OMG @Aneeda72 I could never stay with a man for a paycheck. No offense to you.


@MarciKS Well, obviously it’s more complicated than that, but yes that is a major reason.  He knows my feelings.    How many men to do you think refuse to divorce woman because THEY don’t want to share any assets?  This effects the rich, the poor, and everyone in between.  It’s always about the money.

And while you think you could never stay with anyone because of a paycheck faced with homelessness you might change your mind.

As a nation, we are about to see the greatest crisis of homeless since the Great Depression, unless things change.  Currently, a great many people who thought they could never wait in a long line for free food; now line up for hours before food banks open in hopes of getting food before the food bank runs out.

You and others might want to rethink, really sit down and think, how someone with no resources, no job, no ability to work, and no transportation, could survive on 800 dollars a month.

Btw, government senior housing starts at 700 a month, but I haven’t checked that in several years.  The wait time for a housing voucher, which provides $150 in relief, last time I checked, was 7 years.  With an income of 800 a month food stamps are 160 a month.

I am very realistic about my situation.


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## MarciKS

Honestly...I think I'd rather be homeless.


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## MarciKS

I lived on $800 a month for several yrs before I moved here. Cost of living in KS is less I think than where you are though. Where is that $800 a mo figure coming from? If you're unemployed & homeless & have nothing whose giving you $800 a mo to live on?


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## Aneeda72

MarciKS said:


> I lived on $800 a month for several yrs before I moved here. Cost of living in KS is less I think than where you are though. Where is that $800 a mo figure coming from? If you're unemployed & homeless & have nothing whose giving you $800 a mo to live on?


Social security


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## Aneeda72

MarciKS said:


> I lived on $800 a month for several yrs before I moved here. Cost of living in KS is less I think than where you are though. Where is that $800 a mo figure coming from? If you're unemployed & homeless & have nothing whose giving you $800 a mo to live on?


I could live on this income in Texas in a very small town, but a very small town would not have the medical resources I need.  I need to have access to a major medical center to deal with the lovely variety of medical issues that I have.

And I can not leave my disabled sons.


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## Aneeda72

MarciKS said:


> Honestly...I think I'd rather be homeless.


Well, the way the country is going you might be.  However, do you know anyone who has been homeless?  Try it for a week-think of it as a reality challenge.  Live at homeless shelter or sleep on a blanket in your back yard, go without medical care, eat out of a dumpster, walk the streets in the summer heat, use someone’s yard as a toilet, and don’t bathe.

Honestly, you’d rather be homeless?  Reality check, you would not.  Easy to say, hard to do.


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## Aneeda72

@MarciKS I think you and others misunderstand my problem with my husband.  He has, clearly, mental health issues which have increased over the years and the older he gets the more strange he gets.  It’s not that I don’t love him.  It’s that he’s mentally ill, which effects me mentally, as he is psychologically abusive and just plain mean.

If he had alzheimer’s I could drop him off somewhere, but he doesn’t.  An MRI, a few years ago, showed that he has brain shrinkage.  I am sure that must be part of the increase in his negative behavior.  If I were less sensitive, and I’ve been told by most people that I am too sensitive, I might be able to tolerate his endless crap; but I can’t.

He has begun to realize that his aging is effecting his ability to function more than my aging is effecting me.  This makes him angry as well.  There is no solution, except for me to leave, but, as I’ve said.  It’s very complicated for me.  But apparently it would not be for you.

Venting on the forum allows me some relief, but then, honestly, I have to put up with comments like you’ve made regarding being homeless.  I am sorry, but it’s a uneducated comment.  IMO.

Anyway, I like you a great deal.  Don’t like what you said, but you are entitled to your opinion.  I have relatives in Kansas, most of them are dead.


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## MarciKS

Aneeda72 said:


> Well, the way the country is going you might be.  However, do you know anyone who has been homeless?  Try it for a week-think of it as a reality challenge.  Live at homeless shelter or sleep on a blanket in your back yard, go without medical care, eat out of a dumpster, walk the streets in the summer heat, use someone’s yard as a toilet, and don’t bathe.
> 
> Honestly, you’d rather be homeless?  Reality check, you would not.  Easy to say, hard to do.


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## MarciKS

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## Aneeda72

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