# Funny Things I Come Across



## Denise1952 (Apr 25, 2014)

Gun Control; It has already started at Gander Mountain Sporting Goods.   ​ When I was ready to pay for my purchases of gun powder and bullets, ​ the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."   ​ Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos  ​ running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical ​ shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to ​ how I should place my credit card in the card-reader.   ​ I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.   ​ They need to make their instructions to seniors a little clearer . ​ I still don't think I looked that bad. ​


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 25, 2014)

Funny one there girlfriend! :clap:


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## Denise1952 (Apr 29, 2014)

Thanks SB, glad you liked it  Here's one that came to me this a.m.  I really don't think of people as being stupid, but this did strike me as funny  I mean, I guess sometimes I do think people are stupid, and I know I can be, lol!!


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## Denise1952 (Apr 29, 2014)

A friend              was able to get onto <http://healthcare.gov/>               but she              was having difficulties setting her              password.


  The              interchange went as follows:


"Please              create your password below."
                             roses



"Sorry,              too few characters." 
                               pretty roses



"Sorry,              you must use at least one numerical character."
                               1 pretty rose





"Sorry,              you cannot use blank spaces."
                            1prettyrose



"Sorry,              you must use at least 10 different characters."
                         1friggingprettyrose



"Sorry,              you must use at least one upper case character."
                               1FRIGGINGprettyrose



"Sorry,              you cannot use more than one upper case character              consecutively."
                                 1FriggingPrettyRose



"Sorry,              you must use no fewer than 20 total characters."
                          1FriggingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessRightNow!



"Sorry,              you cannot use punctuation."
                           1FriggingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessRightNow



"Sorry,              that password is already in use".


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## Ina (Apr 29, 2014)

I can believe it. :lol1:


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## Denise1952 (Apr 29, 2014)

LOL! Glad you saw it Ina, since I am putting all my jokes in one thread, wasn't sure anyone would!!  My sis sent me that one, too funny and yes, true to life


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## Ina (Apr 29, 2014)

Denise, Well that will make it easier to find your funnies, and I'll always know where to get a good laugh. :yougogirl:


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 29, 2014)

Funny password joke Nwlady!


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## Denise1952 (Apr 29, 2014)

wasn't that something, LOL!  Especially the last line, LOL!  I can imagine lots of people getting that frustrated, LOL See you tomorrow!!


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## Pappy (Apr 30, 2014)

Oh ya....frustrated is the word. Pappy is very popular on my other sites so I seldom can use it. I've tried Poopy, Pippy, Paddy, Puddy and beieve it or not, most of these are in use.


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## Denise1952 (Apr 30, 2014)

Hey Pappy, how bout puddin, or puttputt, LOL!!  Oh but then you'd have to have a capital, and then a numerical, LOL!  The day robots answering customer service calls are obsolete, now that'll be a happy day


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## Pappy (Apr 30, 2014)

Yes.....Puddin4u might work.


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## Denise1952 (May 1, 2014)

*W**hy I Mow My Own Yard Lee              Trevino: a true story, you gotta love him.* 








One day, shortly              after joining the PGA tour in 1965, Lee Trevino, a professional              golfer and married man, was at his home in Dallas , Texas, mowing              his front lawn, as he always did. 

A lady driving by in a              big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his house, lowered the              window and asked, “Excuse me, do you speak              English?" 

Lee responded, “Yes              Ma'am, I do." 

The lady then asked,              “What do you charge to do yard work?” 

Lee said, "Well, the lady              in this house lets me sleep with her." 

The lady hurriedly put              the car into gear and sped        off


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## Pappy (May 1, 2014)

Excellent......


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## Denise1952 (May 2, 2014)

Ken and                      Edna 











Ken and his                      wife Edna went to the state fair every                      year, 


And every year Ken would                      say, 


'Edna, I'd like to ride in that                      helicopter' 


Edna always                      replied, 


'I know Ken, but that helicopter                      ride is fifty bucks, 


And fifty bucks is                      fifty bucks' 


One year Ken and Edna went to                      the fair,​ 

and Ken                      said, 


'Edna, I'm 75 years                      old. 


If I don't ride that helicopter, I                      might never get another chance' 

To this, Edna                      replied, 

"Ken that helicopter ride is fifty                      bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks' 


The                      pilot overheard the couple and said, 


'Folks                      I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride.                      If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a                      word I won't charge you a penny! 


But if you                      say one word it's fifty dollars.' 


Ken and                      Edna agreed and up they went. 


The pilot did                      all kinds of fancy manoeuvers, but not a word was                      heard.. 


He did his daredevil tricks over                      and over again, 


But still not a                      word... 


When they landed, the pilot turned                      to Ken and said, 


'By golly, I did                      everything I could to get you to yell out, but you                      didn't. 


I'm                      impressed!' 


Ken                      replied, 


'Well, to tell                      you the truth, 


I almost said something when                      Edna fell out, 


But you                      know, 


"Fifty bucks is fifty                      bucks!'​


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## Denise1952 (May 3, 2014)

I was out bird watching today and got this great shot of a falcon resting in a tree.............


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## Pappy (May 3, 2014)

Omigosh Denise, so funny. You get the lol award of the day. I'm stealing this one.


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## Denise1952 (May 3, 2014)

Glad you liked it Pappy  My sis send these to me when she gets them, she knows what makes me laugh:lofl:


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## Denise1952 (May 9, 2014)

:lofl::hatoff:


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## Denise1952 (May 9, 2014)

Written breathalyzer test..


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## Ina (May 9, 2014)

Denise, :lol1:


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## Denise1952 (May 9, 2014)

LOL!! Oops!!

*Jenny Craig for Men

I called the company and ordered          their 5-day, 10 lb.          program.**
*
*The          next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before me a          voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of          Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.**
*
*She          introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss          company.**
*
*The          sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have          me.'**
*
*Without          a second thought, I took off after her. A few miles later huffing and          puffing, I finally gave up.**
*
*The          same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing          happens.**
*
*On          the fifth day, I weighed myself and am delighted to find          I**
lost 10 lbs. as          promised.
*
*I          called the company and ordered their **5-day/20          pound program.**
*
*The          next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning,          beautiful, sexy woman I have ever seen in my life. She is wearing          nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads,          'If you catch me you can have me'. *

*Well,          I'm out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape          and I do my best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same          routine happens and I'm gradually getting in better and better          shape.**
*
*Much          to my delight on the fifth day when I weigh myself, I discover that I          have lost another 20 lbs. as promised. So I decide to go for broke and          called the company to order the**
7-day/50 pound program.
*
*"Are          you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most          rigorous program."**
*
*"Absolutely,"          I replied, "I haven't felt this good in          years."**
*
*The          next day there's a knock at the door; and when I open it I find a huge          muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a          sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you,... you're          mine."**
*
*I          lost 63 pounds that          week.*


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## Denise1952 (May 19, 2014)




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## Michael. (May 20, 2014)

.


If Animals were Fat Balloons



.
.
http://www.youtube.com/embed/Lkjn60B9Puc

.​


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## Michael. (May 26, 2014)

.

Funny Clip


.
www.youtube.com/embed/2zLGMsfhMp4
.​


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## Meanderer (Jun 11, 2014)

*Always Cross Your Eyes and Dot Your Tees!*

View attachment 7518


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