# I had to be blunt



## grannyjo (Aug 15, 2019)

I've finally had to be very blunt to my niece. 

Harking back quite a while,  she's the one who "loves to drive and visit family".  Mostly uninvited and tend to plaster herself onto the unfortunate recipient of her visit.

She told me that she was buying a home within a 3 hour drive of my home,  so that she could visit every few months.

I did not want that to happen,  so I finally told her that I did not enjoy being visited.

She has no friends,  and depends on family - no matter how distant the family member may be.  My stepbrother's grandchild was one she visited for a week.  They expected her to stay only overnight.

Not really a problem to solve,  just a bit of a vent.


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## treeguy64 (Aug 15, 2019)

Good for you!  Don't put up with relatives you don't really care to hang out with, for long periods of time.  I never have.


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## Shalimar (Aug 15, 2019)

Excellent Grannyjo. You certainly don’t need a toxic person like that in your life.


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## SeaBreeze (Aug 15, 2019)

That's good Grannyjo, you're smart for speaking up before you're negatively affected by her.  She doesn't seem to have any consideration for others, so you should feel good about your decision.


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## Gary O' (Aug 15, 2019)

grannyjo said:


> She told me that she was buying a home within a 3 hour drive of my home, so that she could visit every few months.


Sometimes this planet just ain't big enough


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## Butterfly (Aug 15, 2019)

Good for you, Grannyjo!!


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## terry123 (Aug 15, 2019)

Good for you! Life is too short to deal with people like that.


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## Gary O' (Aug 15, 2019)

terry123 said:


> Life is too short to deal with people like that


Or too long


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## Patio Life (Aug 16, 2019)

Good job. You prevented future frustration and upset for yourself. Being blunt now means you don't need to be blunt later. At least I hope she got the clue, some super selfish people don't. If she wants to visit just tell her you are not available or just don't want company.


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## charry (Aug 16, 2019)

Good for you ...i wont be around those type of people now, ......


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## StarSong (Aug 16, 2019)

How sad for your niece to be so socially awkward that she doesn't know when it's time to leave.  I know a couple of people like that, though they don't come for overnights.  Perish the thought.

When people overstay in the evening or are the last ones remaining at a party but show no sign of exiting, hubby and I will say things like, "Let me wrap up a few leftovers for you." While doing so, we comment on how nice it was to see them again. Then we start moving them toward the door. 

Nobody's feelings have ever been noticeably hurt, which leads me to believe that we're not the first to employ those strategies.


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## toffee (Aug 16, 2019)

well if u made it clear its for just the day -- but its hard to say dont visit !


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## Butterfly (Aug 17, 2019)

toffee said:


> well if u made it clear its for just the day -- but its hard to say don't visit !



I don't see any reason a person should feel they have to put up with being "visited" by someone they don't want to be visited by, especially if they won't leave.  The person grannyjo is referring to is evidently a serial moocher.


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## Floridatennisplayer (Aug 18, 2019)

So, she has no friends or family. She likes to come and visit with you once in a while.  She's your niece.......and this bothers you?  And you had to set her straight?

I feel bad for her that she's treated this way.  My nieces can visit us anytime, any day, without a required notice, as long as they want.


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## Lara (Aug 18, 2019)

Speaking of being blunt. When my kids ask my opinion, I don't beat around the bush nor sugar-coat it. I feel I should be honest and straight forward with them so I'm real. But....

I finally realized, with one child in particular, that she doesn't really want my opinion. She's already made up her mind, and only wants validation. I told her once not to ask my opinion because I can't be less than truthful...but she still does it.

And she doesn't want my opinion to be laced with even the slightest touch of negativity. So I've begun to delicately reword my opinion to avoid that train wreck


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## Catlady (Aug 25, 2019)

Floridatennisplayer said:


> So, she has no friends or family. She likes to come and visit with you once in a while.  She's your niece.......and this bothers you?  And you had to set her straight?
> 
> I feel bad for her that she's treated this way.  My nieces can visit us anytime, any day, without a required notice, as long as they want.


You obviously don't know the history about Grannyjo's niece.  She's a clueless and rude moocher who has no boundaries and overstays her welcome at everyone she visits.   She expects to be fed and waited on way past the normal stay.   Read up about it.
https://www.seniorforums.com/threads/ive-had-enough.37141/
Grannyjo, I'm glad you've finally grown a spine, I hope you keep it up.  If she comes to town and wants to see you, just meet her at a restaurant and if she wants to stay at your place tell her you like your privacy.  I've wondered about you and the niece many times.


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