# "Talking" With a New Male Friend



## Ruthanne (Aug 23, 2019)

I've met a seemingly nice gentleman on a free dating site.  Actually haven't met him in person yet.  He lives not far from me, is 10 years older than I, seems to have good manners and is respectful.  Not sure when I'm going to take the next step and actually meet.  It's been a long time since I've chatted at the dating site with someone respectful and mannerly!  It's so refreshing as most on there are not I have found.  I even have taken my ad down at times giving up but am glad I gave it one more shot.


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## hollydolly (Aug 23, 2019)

Oooooh that's interesting for you Ruthanne,,,  .. have you been talking to him long?.. as always just be careful if you do decide to meet. Meet in a public place probably for lunch or just coffee the first time, never your or his home..... I hope it goes well for you !!


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## toffee (Aug 23, 2019)

all the above Ruthanne- the short meets at the beginning get to know him a little better each time ' its always a risk
as you well know 'open meets like holly saids' make it your rules -enjoy let us know '


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## jet (Aug 23, 2019)

met my present wife on internet(not a dateing site),lived 10 miles from me,,good luck


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## Ruthanne (Aug 23, 2019)

hollydolly said:


> Oooooh that's interesting for you Ruthanne,,,  .. have you been talking to him long?.. as always just be careful if you do decide to meet. Meet in a public place probably for lunch or just coffee the first time, never your or his home..... I hope it goes well for you !!


Not very long HD about a week or so.  Yes, we will meet at a public place for sure.  Thank you!


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## Ruthanne (Aug 23, 2019)

toffee said:


> all the above Ruthanne- the short meets at the beginning get to know him a little better each time ' its always a risk
> as you well know 'open meets like holly saids' make it your rules -enjoy let us know '


Thank you I will keep you updated!


jet said:


> met my present wife on internet(not a dateing site),lived 10 miles from me,,good luck


Good for you!  This guy lives in my city a few streets from me!


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## Jandante (Aug 23, 2019)

All the best, hope his pic is current and all as first impressions.  
Just remember that scams start out fine, too, trusting he does live nearby and will not ask you for money.
With best wishes.


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## Ruthanne (Aug 23, 2019)

Jandante said:


> All the best, hope his pic is current and all as first impressions.
> Just remember that scams start out fine, too, trusting he does live nearby and will not ask you for money.
> With best wishes.


He told me the apt. building he lives in and I am familiar with it.  He is not a scam I am sure.  What he looks like is not that important to me.  His pic is nice and current, too.  Thanks for the concern and well wishes!


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## Jandante (Aug 23, 2019)

Yes, Ruthanne,  I was thinking that he should be able to converse about local matters, and landmarks.
I did not mean that his looks were important, but I have read of some people using very out of date photos, or even someone elses.
Sounds like it is genuine and all my best wishes.


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## Ruthanne (Aug 23, 2019)

Jandante said:


> Yes, Ruthanne,  I was thinking that he should be able to converse about local matters, and landmarks.
> I did not mean that his looks were important, but I have read of some people using very out of date photos, or even someone elses.
> Sounds like it is genuine and all my best wishes.


Yes, he has conversed about local going ons and places.  Thank you.    Another interesting thing is that I saw his profile and contacted him because he is so near.


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## hollydolly (Aug 23, 2019)

Has he expressed a wish to meet with you Ruthanne?  If you do meet, and the sparks are not there for romance you've lost nothing ,  but at least you've made a new friend.


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## hypochondriac (Aug 23, 2019)

as long as he has a good hobby like daily sudoku. thats the main thing.


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## Ruthanne (Aug 23, 2019)

hollydolly said:


> Has he expressed a wish to meet with you Ruthanne?  If you do meet, and the sparks are not there for romance you've lost nothing ,  but at least you've made a new friend.


We haven't chatted about meeting yet.  We still have to start phoning.  I'm not really looking for romance tbh but know that goes along with it.  Looking for a good male friend to do things with.  Yes, at least making a good friend would be real nice.


hypochondriac said:


> as long as he has a good hobby like daily sudoku. thats the main thing.


He likes to write.  I'm not familiar with sudoku.


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## terry123 (Aug 23, 2019)

Good luck with having a new friend!  I had someone message me on FB and turned out to be a scam.  My daughter had an admirer that turned into a stalker and that's how he knew so much about our family.  When she told me he had contacted her again and she had to get a restraining order I got suspicious of my new friend and quickly unfriended him and reported him to FB. They terminated his fake account and we have not heard from him since. Glad you have determined your friend is who he says he is.  I would love to have a friend to do things with but am leery of dating sites.


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## Ruthanne (Aug 23, 2019)

terry123 said:


> Good luck with having a new friend!  I had someone message me on FB and turned out to be a scam.  My daughter had an admirer that turned into a stalker and that's how he knew so much about our family.  When she told me he had contacted her again and she had to get a restraining order I got suspicious of my new friend and quickly unfriended him and reported him to FB. They terminated his fake account and we have not heard from him since. Glad you have determined your friend is who he says he is.  I would love to have a friend to do things with but am leery of dating sites.


Thank you.  I have had all kinds of scammers on FB too.  I changed my settings so they can't bother me.  I have been using POF dating site but was ready to give up.


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## debbie in seattle (Aug 24, 2019)

Good for you Ruth!     Go for it but use common sense.


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## Ruthanne (Aug 24, 2019)

debbie in seattle said:


> Good for you Ruth!     Go for it but use common sense.


I always do.thanks.


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## Rosemarie (Aug 25, 2019)

Strange that you live close but have never met. I wonder if you have passed each other in the street?
Hope it works out for you.
I live in hope of meeting someone but I would prefer to meet them face to face first. The problem with chatting on the internet and then meeting is that you have expectations. You might both be disappointed when you actually meet.


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## Ruthanne (Aug 25, 2019)

Rosemarie said:


> Strange that you live close but have never met. I wonder if you have passed each other in the street?
> Hope it works out for you.
> I live in hope of meeting someone but I would prefer to meet them face to face first. The problem with chatting on the internet and then meeting is that you have expectations. You might both be disappointed when you actually meet.


I really have no expectations as I have learned not to.  Thanks for your reply.


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## Lc jones (Aug 25, 2019)

I wish you well but please be careful and not share any financial or personal information with this gentleman. Sometimes people are desperate and they are looking for someone that can help them out. Take care of yourself


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## SeaBreeze (Aug 25, 2019)

Good luck Ruthanne, I hope he's a good guy and you both can enjoy some nice times together.  As already mentioned here, and I'm sure you know all this first-hand, but we do care about you.  Please meet in public at first in the daytime, and avoid going to each others apartments for a looong time, until you feel is is trustworthy and no threat to you physically or emotionally.  Talking on the phone is the perfect first step.  Hugs.


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## Ruthanne (Aug 25, 2019)

Lc jones said:


> I wish you well but please be careful and not share any financial or personal information with this gentleman. Sometimes people are desperate and they are looking for someone that can help them out. Take care of yourself


I have no worries about him.  But thanks for your concern.


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## Ruthanne (Aug 25, 2019)

SeaBreeze said:


> Good luck Ruthanne, I hope he's a good guy and you both can enjoy some nice times together.  As already mentioned here, and I'm sure you know all this first-hand, but we do care about you.  Please meet in public at first in the daytime, and avoid going to each others apartments for a looong time, until you feel is is trustworthy and no threat to you physically or emotionally.  Talking on the phone is the perfect first step.  Hugs.


Thank you.  I'll keep you updated.


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## Catlady (Aug 25, 2019)

hollydolly said:


> If you do meet, and the sparks are not there for romance you've lost nothing ,  but at least you've made a new friend.



That seldom works.  Back a long time ago when I was still trying to find romance I would tell someone I liked but not romantically that we could be friends.  All of the time they acted insulted, one practically shouted,  "I have plenty of FRIENDS, I am looking for a romantic partner".


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## hollydolly (Aug 25, 2019)

PVC said:


> That seldom works.  Back a long time ago when I was still trying to find romance I would tell someone I liked but not romantically that we could be friends.  All of the time they acted insulted, one practically shouted,  "I have plenty of FRIENDS, I am looking for a romantic partner".


 I understand you, but Ruthanne has said she's not looking for romance, particularly, and I would presumer her friend knows that already!!


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## Ruthanne (Aug 25, 2019)

PVC said:


> That seldom works.  Back a long time ago when I was still trying to find romance I would tell someone I liked but not romantically that we could be friends.  All of the time they acted insulted, one practically shouted,  "I have plenty of FRIENDS, I am looking for a romantic partner".


But I have already specified I am looking for a friend so....


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## Catlady (Aug 25, 2019)

Rosemarie said:


> Strange that you live close but have never met. I wonder if you have passed each other in the street?



Life can be very strange.  I once read on a forum about this woman who went on vacation to Germany and met an American man who was also there on vacation and it turned out he lived only a couple of blocks from her in the states.  They got married.  LOL


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## Ruth n Jersey (Aug 25, 2019)

That is really neat! I hope it works out for you. I met my hubby by filling out a huge questionnaire. Then sent it off and the company I sent it to put it in a computer,which was unheard of back then and I had no idea what it was. A few weeks later they sent me back a few compatible matches. Out popped the hubby.


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## Catlady (Aug 25, 2019)

Ruth n Jersey said:


> That is really neat! I hope it works out for you. I met my hubby by filling out a huge questionnaire. Then sent it off and the company I sent it to put it in a computer,which was unheard of back then and I had no idea what it was. A few weeks later they sent me back a few compatible matches. Out popped the hubby.



That is interesting, it's the way it's supposed to work, "finding that needle in the haystack".

Just curious, did you meet the other matches and how did they compare to your ideal match and your husband?


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## Ronni (Aug 25, 2019)

I’m excited for you!  I hope when you do ultimately meet it goes well!

Looking forward to updates!


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## Ruthanne (Aug 25, 2019)

Ronni said:


> I’m excited for you!  I hope when you do ultimately meet it goes well!
> 
> Looking forward to updates!


Thankyou.


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## debbie in seattle (Aug 25, 2019)

Ruth-
My husband passed 16 months ago.   The guy I’m seeing right now is an electrician and was at my home, the first time, my husband was truly ill and dying.   The next time he was at the house, my husband had passed and Bob asked me out “for coffee”, his wife had passed 2 years prior, he said he understood what I was going through.  He gave me his business card and phone number, told me to call him if I wanted.  It took me many months to contact him.  I don’t do stuff like that, until Bob. We’ve been dating ever since and he’s great.  I have a hard time not seeing him more.    That being said, he’s still working full time, has his daughter still at home with him (she’s 24), and is very close to his immediate family.  I’m trying to figure that stuff out, perhaps I will someday.   Hope my story helps you.   
Debbie


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## Ruthanne (Aug 25, 2019)

debbie in seattle said:


> Ruth-
> My husband passed 16 months ago.   The guy I’m seeing right now is an electrician and was at my home, the first time, my husband was truly ill and dying.   The next time he was at the house, my husband had passed and Bob asked me out “for coffee”, his wife had passed 2 years prior, he said he understood what I was going through.  He gave me his business card and phone number, told me to call him if I wanted.  It took me many months to contact him.  I don’t do stuff like that, until Bob. We’ve been dating ever since and he’s great.  I have a hard time not seeing him more.    That being said, he’s still working full time, has his daughter still at home with him (she’s 24), and is very close to his immediate family.  I’m trying to figure that stuff out, perhaps I will someday.   Hope my story helps you.
> Debbie


Thankyou Debbie.


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## Ruthanne (Oct 4, 2019)

Well, my new friend got the message that I want to chat with him online for awhile before phone or a meeting in person.  We've been exchanging messages for a few weeks I believe.  Learning more about him and him about me.  He seems very  nice and lonely, too.  He, too, has some health challenges.  It seems so many of us do as we get older.  Not sure when I want to take it to phone calls but do enjoy the messaging back and forth.


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## JustBonee (Oct 4, 2019)

Ruthanne said:


> Well, my new friend got the message that I want to chat with him online for awhile before phone or a meeting in person.  We've been exchanging messages for a few weeks I believe.  Learning more about him and him about me.  He seems very  nice and lonely, too.  He, too, has some health challenges.  It seems so many of us do as we get older.  Not sure when I want to take it to phone calls but do enjoy the messaging back and forth.



Happy for you, and I'm sure you know how to handle it.  

Getting to know people these days can be so challenging. ..  .. Off -topic .. I saw a new fall sitcom on CBS last night .. _The Unicorn,  _and totally enjoyed it.
It speaks to  the times we are living in.


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## Ronni (Oct 4, 2019)

So glad it’s going well Ruthanne!  

Can you tell us more about him?


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## toffee (Oct 4, 2019)

the main thing here my friend is !!!!!!! does he like animals -it is a must ?


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## gennie (Oct 4, 2019)

Remember, a Google search and a few bucks will get you a lot of information about a person ..... bankruptcies, police record, political party affiliation, etc.

Also, I know someone who is in the dating market and when she meets a new person publicly for the first time, she jokingly says she has a friend who insists on vetting her new acquaintances so may I use my phone to send her a picture of your driver's license.  She makes a joke of it but still insists on doing it.  Anyone offended probably has something to hide. 

In today's crazy world, it makes good sense to be careful.  Trust but verify.





roceeding with date.


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## C'est Moi (Oct 4, 2019)

gennie said:


> Remember, a Google search and a few bucks will get you a lot of information about a person ..... bankruptcies, police record, political party affiliation, etc.
> 
> Also, I know someone who is in the dating market and when she meets a new person publicly for the first time, she jokingly says she has a friend who insists on vetting her new acquaintances so may I use my phone to send her a picture of your driver's license.  She makes a joke of it but still insists on doing it.  Anyone offended probably has something to hide.
> 
> ...


I'm going to go out on a limb here and deduce that your friend doesn't get many 2nd dates.   That seems a little over-the-top to me.


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## Catlady (Oct 4, 2019)

gennie said:


> she jokingly says she has a friend who insists on vetting her new acquaintances so may I use my phone to send her a picture of your driver's license.  She makes a joke of it but still insists on doing it.  Anyone offended probably has something to hide.
> 
> In today's crazy world, it makes good sense to be careful.  Trust but verify.



I have nothing to hide and I would not agree to it.  What do I know what that person will do with that info?   Why do you think Medicare issued new cards without sensitive info?  Now, the online info, free or paid, is a different story, I would do it too if I was still dating.


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## JustBonee (Oct 4, 2019)

Your drivers license could cause a lot of headaches in the wrong hands.   

FYI  ...
_If the person is unscrupulous enough, and has a few hundred bucks, they can get, well, pretty much everything.
There are websites which will track down everything about a person for you- all the service wants is paying. A couple hundred bucks, your address and birthdate supplied by your license, or a landline phone number will do- et voila`! Out comes your social security number on the other end.
And with that, the person can BE you._

https://www.quora.com/What-can-someone-do-with-information-on-my-drivers-license


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## Catlady (Oct 4, 2019)

https://www.quora.com/If-someone-ta...r-passport-what-bad-things-can-they-do-to-you
Another thread on quora about it


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## treeguy64 (Oct 4, 2019)

gennie said:


> Remember, a Google search and a few bucks will get you a lot of information about a person ..... bankruptcies, police record, political party affiliation, etc.
> 
> Also, I know someone who is in the dating market and when she meets a new person publicly for the first time, she jokingly says she has a friend who insists on vetting her new acquaintances so may I use my phone to send her a picture of your driver's license.  She makes a joke of it but still insists on doing it.  Anyone offended probably has something to hide.
> 
> ...



Total, and absolute, rubbish! If anyone pulled that crap on me, I'd be out the door of wherever we were. I have NOTHING to hide, but there's no way I'd trust a stranger with a copy of my DL. NO WAY!


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## Aunt Bea (Oct 4, 2019)

gennie said:


> Remember, a Google search and a few bucks will get you a lot of information about a person ..... bankruptcies, police record, political party affiliation, etc.
> 
> Also, I know someone who is in the dating market and when she meets a new person publicly for the first time, she jokingly says she has a friend who insists on vetting her new acquaintances so may I use my phone to send her a picture of your driver's license.  She makes a joke of it but still insists on doing it.  Anyone offended probably has something to hide.
> 
> ...


I wouldn't do that but I confess that I do make a mental note of the license plate number on the car.


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## Getyoung (Oct 4, 2019)

Seriously........only a simple minded idiot would fall for that lame reasoning and allow their DL info to be photographed.


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## Ruthanne (Oct 4, 2019)

Bonnie said:


> Happy for you, and I'm sure you know how to handle it.
> 
> Getting to know people these days can be so challenging. ..  .. Off -topic .. I saw a new fall sitcom on CBS last night .. _The Unicorn,  _and totally enjoyed it.
> It speaks to  the times we are living in.


I'll have  to check Unicorn out.


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## Morgan62 (Oct 4, 2019)

Ruthanne said:


> I've met a seemingly nice gentleman on a free dating site.  Actually haven't met him in person yet.  He lives not far from me, is 10 years older than I, seems to have good manners and is respectful.  Not sure when I'm going to take the next step and actually meet.  It's been a long time since I've chatted at the dating site with someone respectful and mannerly!  It's so refreshing as most on there are not I have found.  I even have taken my ad down at times giving up but am glad I gave it one more shot.


I am more interested in the "free dating site". In my experience there are no free sites as such and the only ones I know they suck the blood of people and take advantage of souls, who are unfortunate enough to be on their own in the autumn of their lives. I can mention at least 3 who when you dig into deep enough you find they are owned by the same corporation and one of them is advertising on the bottom of this page right now


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## Ruthanne (Oct 17, 2019)

Ended up not working out with him.  I like someone who can have a good conversation and he just never had much to say.  It's like pulling teeth at times talking to someone who doesn't like to talk much.


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## Keesha (Oct 17, 2019)

I’m sorry to read this Ruthanne. You must be disappointed also. 

It was a wise move that you decided to end it, after all, communication is the most important thing between two people. If you don’t communicate well then it’s hard to express yourself and be understood. 

Talking about stuff to a significant other should be the easiest thing to do and most women like to talk. 
My man actually can out talk me at times 

It’s too bad you couldn’t get to know someone here and meet up but then if it didn’t work out it would ruin your favourite online social place. 

Here’s a hug for you Ruthanne. 
I’m leaving you some goodies too.


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## hollydolly (Oct 17, 2019)

Ruthanne said:


> Ended up not working out with him.  I like someone who can have a good conversation and he just never had much to say.  It's like pulling teeth at times talking to someone who doesn't like to talk much.


I understand  you totally Ruthanne, my husband is a good hard working man, but he hardly talks, and when he does it's all work related. I have to instigate all conversations, and even then I often only get a grunt or a shrug.  ... and I really miss someone who can hold a conversation.


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## Ruthanne (Oct 17, 2019)

Keesha said:


> I’m sorry to read this Ruthanne. You must be disappointed also.
> 
> It was a wise move that you decided to end it, after all, communication is the most important thing between two people. If you don’t communicate well then it’s hard to express yourself and be understood.
> 
> ...


Thankyou Keesha.  I was disappointed at first but am over it now.  More fish in the sea.


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## Ruthanne (Oct 17, 2019)

hollydolly said:


> I understand  you totally Ruthanne, my husband is a good hard working man, but he hardly talks, and when he does it's all work related. I have to instigate all conversations, and even then I often only get a grunt or a shrug.  ... and I really miss someone who can hold a conversation.


Sorry you have to do all the conversation starting HD.  It is trying I know.  Well at least he's a good guy.


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## Keesha (Oct 17, 2019)

hollydolly said:


> I understand  you totally Ruthanne, my husband is a good hard working man, but he hardly talks, and when he does it's all work related. I have to instigate all conversations, and even then I often only get a grunt or a shrug.  ... and I really miss someone who can hold a conversation.


I’m sorry to read this holly and can relate to you. 
My man used to basically work with just men so his way of communicating was somewhat harsh and topics all work related with plenty of sarcasm. 
It can become frustrating. 

My husband has since gotten a promotion so has been working amongst other women which has made the biggest difference in his personality. 
He’s much more receptive to feminine differences which I am so appreciative of. Luckily I’m not the jealous type. 

I now ask him as many questions as I can about his new job and try to accept that he isn’t an ideal communicator. It’s seems easier than getting frustrated with him. 

You still have us to chat with holly. 
If it weren’t for this site , I think I’d be stir crazy 
Or at least worse than I am


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## Keesha (Oct 17, 2019)

Ruthanne said:


> Thankyou Keesha.  I was disappointed at first but am over it now.  More fish in the sea.



Good woman.
You’re a wise one for sure.


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## SeaBreeze (Oct 17, 2019)

Sorry to hear it didn't work out Ruthanne.  I'm not a big talker and my husband isn't really a chatterbox, but we do talk to each other and have conversations about various things that interest us.  If I had just met him and he remained mostly quiet, I'd probably be suspicious and uncomfortable around him.  If someone is at all excited about having a new friend (or potential relationship), it would show with some enthusiasm IMO.  Hugs for you and your pup.


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## treeguy64 (Oct 17, 2019)

Sorry it didn't work out for you, Ruthanne.

I was voted "Most Talkative" in my Senior Class. I wanted "Class Flirt," but I was away, being a counselor at a school camp, so I missed campaigning for that. They awarded me a roll of masking tape, at the Senior Luncheon, so I would keep my mouth shut. Needless to say, with Janet being a very chatty, Southern Belle sounding gal (I call her my little Elly May Clampett), there's no problem, in our happy home, when it comes to communicating


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## Ruthanne (Oct 17, 2019)

SeaBreeze said:


> Sorry to hear it didn't work out Ruthanne.  I'm not a big talker and my husband isn't really a chatterbox, but we do talk to each other and have conversations about various things that interest us.  If I had just met him and he remained mostly quiet, I'd probably be suspicious and uncomfortable around him.  If someone is at all excited about having a new friend (or potential relationship), it would show with some enthusiasm IMO.  Hugs for you and your pup.


Yes, that's how I felt--very uncomfortable and wondered what he's about but he had up such a wall.  Oh well..like I said before plenty more fish in the sea.


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## Pepper (Oct 17, 2019)

So this was a written correspondence relationship only?  Some people find it hard to communicate that way only.
BTW, I once lived in your town, not far from the high school.


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## Silverfox (Oct 20, 2019)

Ruthanne, So sorry this didn't work out for you but when preparing to go into some sort of relationship it is best to feel comfortable with everything with the other person involved. I think you have done the right thing in breaking away from this before it went any further. There are many men out there that you will find that are more compatible with you. Good luck.


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## Pepper (Oct 20, 2019)

Silverfox said:


> There are many men out there..............


There are?  Where are they?  Compared to the amount of women left alive, not hardly.  For every man there seems to be 20 women squabbling over the old goat.


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## Keesha (Oct 20, 2019)

Pepper said:


> There are?  Where are they?  Compared to the amount of women left alive, not hardly.  For every man there seems to be 20 women squabbling over the old goat.


And a grouchy goat WITH hooves at that.


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## Ruthanne (Oct 20, 2019)

Silverfox said:


> Ruthanne, So sorry this didn't work out for you but when preparing to go into some sort of relationship it is best to feel comfortable with everything with the other person involved. I think you have done the right thing in breaking away from this before it went any further. There are many men out there that you will find that are more compatible with you. Good luck.


Thank you.


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## Silverfox (Oct 20, 2019)

Pepper said:


> There are?  Where are they?  Compared to the amount of women left alive, not hardly.  For every man there seems to be 20 women squabbling over the old goat.


I haven't really been searching since my husband passed 3 years ago, but when me and my lady friends go out for drinks I do on occasion have some men chat with me and some even offer to buy me drinks.


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## Pepper (Oct 20, 2019)

Silverfox said:


> I haven't really been searching since my husband passed 3 years ago, but when me and my lady friends go out for drinks I do on occasion have some men chat with me and some even offer to buy me drinks.


That's because their mothers taught them it's best to marry a doctor.  Wait!  That was My mother!  So, what are you doing this Saturday?


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## Silverfox (Oct 20, 2019)

Pepper said:


> That's because their mothers taught them it's best to marry a doctor.  Wait!  That was My mother!


Well I am a Retired Pediatric Physician so maybe I send off that vibe or something.


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## Oldjoe (Nov 14, 2019)

Ok boomer.


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## TravelinMan (Nov 14, 2019)

Oldjoe said:


> Ok boomer.



Some folks here might consider that comment rude.


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## toffee (Nov 14, 2019)

why I love my animals -never let u down always show affection -men let u down even friends ……..


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## Ladybj (Nov 14, 2019)

I know this must be so exciting for you..  I am excited for you.  As you know, take your time and get to know him as well as he will get to know you.  This is just me but I would casually drive by his street.. not stop or anything but casually drive by.  Wait..will this be stalking..LOL.
Enjoy your date.. Keep us posted.  Nothing like still feeling you are special by the opposite sex in our elderly age


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## Ruthanne (Nov 14, 2019)

Ladybj said:


> I know this must be so exciting for you..  I am excited for you.  As you know, take your time and get to know him as well as he will get to know you.  This is just me but I would casually drive by his street.. not stop or anything but casually drive by.  Wait..will this be stalking..LOL.
> Enjoy your date.. Keep us posted.  Nothing like still feeling you are special by the opposite sex in our elderly age


I don't have a car.


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## Ladybj (Nov 14, 2019)

Ruthanne said:


> I don't have a car.


Well the stalking is out... just kidding   Hope you have a wonderful date!!


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## Ruthanne (Nov 15, 2019)

Ladybj said:


> Well the stalking is out... just kidding   Hope you have a wonderful date!!


What date?  I gave up on him..he wasn't my type.  It's in one of the posts in this thread.


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## Keesha (Nov 15, 2019)

Ruthanne said:


> Ended up not working out with him.  I like someone who can have a good conversation and he just never had much to say.  It's like pulling teeth at times talking to someone who doesn't like to talk much.


Here’s an update for those who missed it.


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## Packerjohn (Nov 15, 2019)

Hey, good news for you Ruth & I will keep my fingers crossed for you.  Internet dating does work.  I met my wife this way, we corresponded for about 2 weeks, met, dated & now have been very happily married for 16 years.  Just make sure you see him in a public place like a restaurant.  Red flags up if he starts asking you for money.  Internet dating works only if both people are honest.  Some stories about dates in motel rooms gone real bad but use your brains & your gut feelings & you'll be alright.  Keep us posted.


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## Ruthanne (Nov 15, 2019)

Packerjohn said:


> Hey, good news for you Ruth & I will keep my fingers crossed for you.  Internet dating does work.  I met my wife this way, we corresponded for about 2 weeks, met, dated & now have been very happily married for 16 years.  Just make sure you see him in a public place like a restaurant.  Red flags up if he starts asking you for money.  Internet dating works only if both people are honest.  Some stories about dates in motel rooms gone real bad but use your brains & your gut feelings & you'll be alright.  Keep us posted.


I'm afraid it did not work out and that was awhile back.  Thanks for the tips. @Packerjohn


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## Ruthanne (Nov 15, 2019)

toffee said:


> why I love my animals -never let u down always show affection -men let u down even friends ……..


So very true!


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## Ladybj (Nov 15, 2019)

Ruthanne said:


> What date?  I gave up on him..he wasn't my type.  It's in one of the posts in this thread.


Oh ok....  I probably should have paid more attention to the date.


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## Packerjohn (Nov 15, 2019)

Ruthanne said:


> I'm afraid it did not work out and that was awhile back.  Thanks for the tips. @Packerjohn


Sorry to hear that.  Hey, there are more fish in the sea where that one came from.  Never give up on love.  There is someone for everyone out there.  Keep trying.  It's better of 2 pull the load that life gives us than doing the solo act.


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## Ruthanne (Nov 15, 2019)

Packerjohn said:


> Sorry to hear that.  Hey, there are more fish in the sea where that one came from.  Never give up on love.  There is someone for everyone out there.  Keep trying.  It's better of 2 pull the load that life gives us than doing the solo act.


I've been alone so long I wouldn't know.  I do know, though, my doggy is a wonderful companion.  It really seems like a pain in the butt to get into a relationship, and maintain it..so it seems to me like being single is better except for needing someone to help me with  some things at times.  All in all I'd say I've been doing fine without a relationship for the past 11 years.  The last one was the relationship from hell and so were most of my relationships.  I have not been lucky in love and I'm kinda accepting that.


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## Packerjohn (Nov 16, 2019)

Ruthanne said:


> I've been alone so long I wouldn't know.  I do know, though, my doggy is a wonderful companion.  It really seems like a pain in the butt to get into a relationship, and maintain it..so it seems to me like being single is better except for needing someone to help me with  some things at times.  All in all I'd say I've been doing fine without a relationship for the past 11 years.  The last one was the relationship from hell and so were most of my relationships.  I have not been lucky in love and I'm kinda accepting that.


I always felt that you can't judge all men because of one rotten apple.  You can't judge all women because of one apple.  That said, it's sometimes better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship.  However, having a partner who is your best friend & someone you can trust completely is pretty darn good.  I know this for a fact.


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## Ladybj (Nov 16, 2019)

Packerjohn said:


> I always felt that you can't judge all men because of one rotten apple.  You can't judge all women because of one apple.  That said, it's sometimes better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship.  However, having a partner who is your best friend & someone you can trust completely is pretty darn good.  I know this for a fact.


Packerjohn... that is soooooo true!!!!  And for me,  if every relationship I was in did not work out, I would have to look at myself.  
Sometimes we may find fault with all relationships because bottom line, we prefer to be alone and there is nothing wrong with that.  God forbid anything happen to my husband, I will have a friend..someone that I trust to be in my life. Not sure about marriage again because my husband has set the bar pretty high...not sure if another man can cross it...LOL


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## Ruthanne (Nov 20, 2019)

Ladybj said:


> Packerjohn... that is soooooo true!!!!  And for me,  if every relationship I was in did not work out, I would have to look at myself.
> Sometimes we may find fault with all relationships because bottom line, we prefer to be alone and there is nothing wrong with that.  God forbid anything happen to my husband, I will have a friend..someone that I trust to be in my life. Not sure about marriage again because my husband has set the bar pretty high...not sure if another man can cross it...LOL


DELETED and btw, I have taken a good look at myself @Ladybj and am happy with what I see.


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## Ruthanne (Nov 20, 2019)

Packerjohn said:


> I always felt that you can't judge all men because of one rotten apple.  You can't judge all women because of one apple.  That said, it's sometimes better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship.  However, having a partner who is your best friend & someone you can trust completely is pretty darn good.  I know this for a fact.


Yes, I have had a good relationship in my life, a few in fact and agree with you.  It's not easy to find someone to trust now a days, though.


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## Packerjohn (Nov 20, 2019)

There are good people out there even at our age.  However, there are also a lot of people with a lot of baggage.  Old problems they just can't forget or bad habits they can't seem to live without.


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## Ruthanne (Nov 20, 2019)

Packerjohn said:


> There are good people out there even at our age.  However, there are also a lot of people with a lot of baggage.  Old problems they just can't forget or bad habits they can't seem to live without.


Yes, whatever...


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## Tabby Ann (Nov 20, 2020)

I agree with Ruthanne that most men on dating sites are not respectful and mannerly gentlemen. I found most of them to be boorish clods who treat the dating site like a car catalog where all they have to do is pick the make, model, year, color, size and mileage they want and the gal should hop right in bed with them. Any attempt to be polite friends with them first, is not met with equal polite friendliness.


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## PamfromTx (Nov 20, 2020)

Best of luck to you, @Ruthanne with your new friend.


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## Ruthanne (Nov 20, 2020)

pamelasmithwick said:


> Best of luck to you, @Ruthanne with your new friend.


Thank you.  This thread is from over a year ago and I don't talk with him anymore.  I stopped going to the dating site.


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## tbeltrans (Nov 20, 2020)

Tabby Ann said:


> I agree with Ruthanne that most men on dating sites are not respectful and mannerly gentlemen. I found most of them to be boorish clods who treat the dating site like a car catalog where all they have to do is pick the make, model, year, color, size and mileage they want and the gal should hop right in bed with them. Any attempt to be polite friends with them first, is not met with equal polite friendliness.


I had an office mate like that at one point in my career.  The guy had a reputation for being a "ladies man".  It was said about him that the sign of a successful bachelor is one who comes to work from a different direction every morning.  Everything he did, from weight lifting to playing guitar in a local rock band, to any other activity, was all targeted to not going home alone at night.

Then, he decided he wanted to settle into one relationship, so he paid a large sum of money to join a dating club.  This was while the internet was still something only engineers in certain fields and university CompSci researchers had access to, so he had to make a VHS video at the dating club offices that would be shown to prospective dates.

I still remember how upset he was the day after his first date from that dating club.  All he got was a kiss, and that was a new experience for him, apparently.  He wanted his membership money back.

It was then that I thought back over that type of guy that I had known over the years (fortunately, not a lot of them).  I realized that if he and I walked into a room where there were a lot of women socializing, he would readily spot the ones he could hop into bed with that night while any others would not be worth his attention, while I would spot those with whom a relationship might be possible (to him, such women would be considered boring).  It was a revelation to me how differently we each can see the world around us.

I don't know if this helps make any of the women here feel any better about these types of guys, but many of us guys who are not like that, find that type of guy to be simply annoying to be around.  The extreme self-centeredness, the bragging, the posing, it all is so phony and relentless.

I have found that if I want to meet compatible people, I can do so by engaging in the activities that interest me.  I met my wife in night school for computer programming, for example and we have been married for over 37 years.  I can make acquaintances, of which some become actual friends, through clubs, volunteer work, the workplace, etc.  Unfortunately, COVID-19 has put a stop to all such activity.  I think that if my wife died before I do, I would get involved in one or more social activities, not with the idea of finding another mate, but for the social activity and access to other people with similar interests.  Finding another mate, if that were to happen, would be a result of meeting such people.  I don't know that I would be interested in a dating club where that is the sole focus.

Tony


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## bowmore (Nov 20, 2020)

jet said:


> met my present wife on internet(not a dating site),lived 10 miles from me,,good luck


Same here. I met my present wife on a grief recovery site and she lived 40 miles away. Good luck
There was a comany called , It's just lunch" that promoted the idea of a lunch date. It is a less stressful environment then a dinner date, and it is light out.


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## Autumn72 (Dec 1, 2020)

Ruthanne said:


> He told me the apt. building he lives in and I am familiar with it.  He is not a scam I am sure.  What he looks like is not that important to me.  His pic is nice and current, too.  Thanks for the concern and well wishes!


Did you give him a email addy?


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## Ruthanne (Dec 1, 2020)

Autumn72 said:


> Did you give him a email addy?


I didn't talk to him long enough to exchange email addresses.  It was quite a while ago that I was talking to him.


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