# Uncle had a tantrum



## debodun (Sep 27, 2015)

I went to see my uncle who's been in a nursing home for 3 months now. While I was there, I noticed his books and letters were in a heap and precariously on the edge of his bed table. I thought I'd straighten them up, but when I started to move furniture my uncle went wild. He kept screaming, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" and "PUT THAT BACK, PUT THAT BACK!" and kicking his legs and throwing up his arms like a kid having a temper tantrum. I was shocked. I've never seem this behavior in adults. He didn't calm down until everything was back like it was before. Is there a psychological term for this behavior?


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## jujube (Sep 27, 2015)

Many elderly people get very childish, especially if they are out of their "comfort zone".  He may not have adjusted yet to living in the nursing home and lashes out at anything that he sees as another change in his life.


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## Meanderer (Sep 27, 2015)

He could also be on medication.


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## debodun (Sep 27, 2015)

Meanderer said:


> He could also be on medication.



Not on any meds - refuses all medicines and PT due to religious beliefs. Sounds like he NEEDS some, though. 

I wish someone would come in and straighten out my things!


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## hollydolly (Sep 27, 2015)

I am surprised that you seem taken aback by your uncles' behaviour. Some months ago you posted that he had Mental health issues...perhaps this a symptom of those issues 


https://www.seniorforums.com/showthread.php/15339-Uncle-in-hospital-AGAIN?p=291336#post291336


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## debodun (Sep 27, 2015)

hollydolly said:


> I am surprised that you seem taken aback by your uncles' behaviour. Some months ago you posted that he had Mental health issues...perhaps this a symptom of those issues



But he was never violent.


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## SeaBreeze (Sep 27, 2015)

He may be very angry about his situation or perhaps how they've been treating him there when nobody's around.  It would be nice if you can sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him if possible, he might welcome a kind ear.


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## Cookie (Sep 27, 2015)

I think its not surprising that he's upset... maybe feeling like he has no control over anything and people are moving things and touching his stuff.  My father behaved rather badly at one time when things were out of his control and people moved things and made changes in his house without asking.


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## QuickSilver (Sep 28, 2015)

Yes..  many times even relatively even keel people become angry when hospitalized..  They feel they have lost control over everything. They are told when to eat.. when to sleep.. their personal space is invaded constantly.. and they feel they are at the mercy of strangers.  Perhaps having his personal belongings messed with was the straw that broke the camel's back..


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## Shalimar (Sep 28, 2015)

QS I suspect you have the right of it.


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## QuickSilver (Sep 28, 2015)

Shalimar said:


> QS I suspect you have the right of it.


''

5 years ago I was hospitalized for 5 days..  I wasn't allowed to eat for 2 of those days..  and when I was, I had to choose from a very limited selection of clear liquids.. I was awoken at all hours of the night for assessments, and then again at 4am for blood draws..  I was poked and prodded by folks I didn't know.. and let me tell ya..  I was a bit cranky to say the least..   So add that to someone who may or may not be in the early stages of dementia anyway... and of course they are going to act out.


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## Butterfly (Sep 28, 2015)

I don't like people messing with my stuff, even on the best of days.


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## debodun (Sep 28, 2015)

Butterfly said:


> I don't like people messing with my stuff, even on the best of days.



But you probably wouldn't throw a childish fit, would you?


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## hollydolly (Sep 28, 2015)

debodun said:


> But you probably wouldn't throw a childish fit, would you?



Yes you very well  may,  particularly if you have mental health issues as well as being placed in a home  where you're now surrounded by strangers, and everything is no longer under your control, or what little control he had!!

 IMO anyway!!


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## fureverywhere (Sep 28, 2015)

I was an intern at a nursing home and yes sadly the very elderly can regress. The tricky part is figuring out what they're thinking not what you're seeing. One of my favorite patients was always trying to get someone to push her outside. She wanted to keep watch on the place because Mr. Rabbit Ears was coming for her family. I remember sitting on the porch with her anxiously looking around. I told her we're pretty safe. All the doors lock tight and the security desk is right inside, the police down the road. I didn't tell her don't be silly. I let her know I understood her fear and that we were going to be okay.


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## mitchezz (Oct 2, 2015)

fureverywhere said:


> I was an intern at a nursing home and yes sadly the very elderly can regress. The tricky part is figuring out what they're thinking not what you're seeing. One of my favorite patients was always trying to get someone to push her outside. She wanted to keep watch on the place because Mr. Rabbit Ears was coming for her family. I remember sitting on the porch with her anxiously looking around. I told her we're pretty safe. All the doors lock tight and the security desk is right inside, the police down the road. I didn't tell her don't be silly. I let her know I understood her fear and that we were going to be okay.



Have you not seen Harvey? No need to afraid.....he's a very kind rabbit.


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## Shalimar (Oct 2, 2015)

Good thinking Mitchezz. Sound psychology. Psycho therapisseds use this tool frequently when dealing with people with obsessions, delusions or overwhelming fears.


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## fureverywhere (Oct 2, 2015)

But it was sad, there were many visitors, especially adult children who would insist on trying to get Mom into the present day. Sometimes we would do cognitive checks...What is the day today? The month? The year? Who is the president? If a patient can only answer a few if any they are where they are. Sometimes their children could be downright mean " Mooom, don't be ridiculous, Elsie died five years ago!". No...to your Mom, Elsie might be standing right behind you


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## Shalimar (Oct 2, 2015)

Furry, some family members can be unbelievably arrogant? Ultimately it is not about them. You are right, it is sad.


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## Butterfly (Oct 3, 2015)

fureverywhere said:


> But it was sad, there were many visitors, especially adult children who would insist on trying to get Mom into the present day. Sometimes we would do cognitive checks...What is the day today? The month? The year? Who is the president? If a patient can only answer a few if any they are where they are. Sometimes their children could be downright mean " Mooom, don't be ridiculous, Elsie died five years ago!". No...to your Mom, Elsie might be standing right behind you



I think this kind of behavior is unproductive and downright mean in many cases.  I mom is happy living in her own world, so be it.  My friend's mom was quite happy living in about 1960, when we were all children.  What good would have done to forcibly drag her back (if this were even possible) to the present day where she was living in a nursing home and most of her old friends and husband were long dead?


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## imp (Oct 3, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> Yes..  many times even relatively even keel people become angry when hospitalized..  They feel they have lost control over everything. They are told when to eat.. when to sleep.. their personal space is invaded constantly.. and they feel they are at the mercy of strangers.  Perhaps having his personal belongings messed with was the straw that broke the camel's back..



You are an example of one in the care-giving services who enviably understands the situation prevailing when an old-timer is confined, often for the first time ever. My Grandpa fell in the bathroom, was hospitalized, lashed out at nurses, tried to strike them. I remember our old  family doctor calling our house to tell my Mother they could not keep the old gent there. I was 9. He passed away at home not too long after.   imp


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## imp (Oct 3, 2015)

debodun said:


> But you probably wouldn't throw a childish fit, would you?



But, see, WE view it as childish, but the reality is, the poor disgruntled person does not understand the circumstances, thus behaving in a way which to him, seems quite appropriate.    imp


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