# My daughter is coming over



## debbie in seattle (Jan 2, 2018)

Haven't spoken to my daughter since 2009 and haven't seen her since 2006, she's been mad at me.   She is coming over today to see my husband (dying from Mesothelioma).    I'm not feeling overjoyed by this.
She's said terrible, terrible things about and to me and I've just kept quiet.   It bothers me she can just blow in and pretend all is well, it isn't.   I also can't do much of anything since my husband is so ill.


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## Ruth n Jersey (Jan 2, 2018)

You are in a very tough situation and I feel for you but not much you can do. Think of it as something nice that your hubby will enjoy. It will take his mind off his own problems for a little while. Possibly, she will make the first move toward reconciliation and your relationship with her will improve. I can only imagine the stress you are going through during this most difficult time. I wish you strength and courage to get you through.


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## hollydolly (Jan 2, 2018)

Oh dear what a situation.... you must be feeling all sorts of emotions at the moment. How really tragic that she's only coming now that your husband is dying, that she couldn't come and apologise to her mum long ago. I really hope that everything goes smoothly, and you're not upset and that she treats you with at the very least the respect you deserve as her mother , and also has respect and empathy for the fact that you're also about to lose your darling husband, and your emotional state. Good luck, I hope it works out better than you hope..


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## applecruncher (Jan 2, 2018)

Wow.  Good luck, Debbie.  (don't know what else to say)


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## RadishRose (Jan 2, 2018)

Yes, wishing it goes well for you Debbie. Thinking of you.


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## Aunt Bea (Jan 2, 2018)

Things will never change or improve until you let it go and move on.

I'm not saying that you need to forget or act like nothing happened just let it go and move on as two adults.  This visit should really be about your husband and his needs.

Good luck!


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## Shalimar (Jan 2, 2018)

Do we ever entirely move on from our children? Debbie, I applaud your strength in dealing with this, particularly in lieu of your husband’s illness. It is only natural that you feel turmoil. Best wishes.


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## Happyflowerlady (Jan 2, 2018)

Perhaps this may turn out to be a time when the bad feelings can be mended, and you and your daughter can be close to each other again.  We never know how something is going to work out, and it seems to me that if your daughter is coming to be with you right now, that she is maybe trying to make amends. 
In any case, sending prayers for you and your family, and hoping that this visit works out better than expected for all of you.


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## CindyLouWho (Jan 2, 2018)

I can only echo what everyone else has already stated so well. I can say though, that for me some of the hardest challenges I have had to face have made me that much stronger to conquer the next ones. I know it's not what you want to hear right now, but you will get through this and much better for doing so. Wish you peace with your daughter in such trying times.


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## jujube (Jan 2, 2018)

Oh, Debbie, there's not much I can say except that I'll keep you in my thoughts in this rough time.


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## SeaBreeze (Jan 2, 2018)

I feel for you Debbie, but for the sake of your husband I hope the visit goes smoothly and makes him feel better.  I don't know if the relationship between the two of you can be mended without a lot of apologies and explanations from her and her wanting to start again, so I wouldn't hope for all that at this time.  Hope you can get through this.


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## debbie in seattle (Jan 2, 2018)

Well, she came over and I said hi to her, made up some excuse and stayed in the computer room on my computer.    So, so much has happened and been said I don’t know if I’ll ever feel the same.    I wanted she and my husband to have ‘their’ time and me not making anyone feel uncomfortable.  Now I feel like a shit, it must of been very difficult for her to come over, but I just couldn’t act as if all is good.


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## Shalimar (Jan 2, 2018)

debbie in seattle said:


> Well, she came over and I said hi to her, made up some excuse and stayed in the computer room on my computer.    So, so much has happened and been said I don’t know if I’ll ever feel the same.    I wanted she and my husband to have ‘their’ time and me not making anyone feel uncomfortable.  Now I feel like a shit, it must of been very difficult for her to come over, bit I just couldn’t act as if all is good.



Debbie, I think many of us would feel as you do. For me, for major things, there can’t be forgiveness until there has been a trial. Some stuff doesn’t merit being shoved under the rug.


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## nvtribefan (Jan 3, 2018)

debbie in seattle said:


> Well, she came over and I said hi to her, made up some excuse and stayed in the computer room on my computer.    So, so much has happened and been said I don’t know if I’ll ever feel the same.    I wanted she and my husband to have ‘their’ time and me not making anyone feel uncomfortable.  Now I feel like a shit, it must of been very difficult for her to come over, but I just couldn’t act as if all is good.



Don't beat yourself up over it.  You were civil to her.


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## Smiling Jane (Jan 3, 2018)

nvtribefan said:


> Don't beat yourself up over it.  You were civil to her.



She came to visit her father and she did, without any interference from you. You did nothing to feel bad about.

If she wanted to speak to you, she could have done so.


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## C'est Moi (Jan 3, 2018)

I hope things can be mended, Debbie.   And it is great that she made the effort to visit her father at this time.   My best wishes to you all.


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## RadishRose (Jan 3, 2018)

You did the right thing Debbie. You greeted her and let the two of them speak in private.


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## Iodine (Jan 4, 2018)

I don't know if I've been in the same situation as you Debbie but I have had a son leave a message on our answering machine that his dad and I were dead to him.  He had plenty of bad things to say to and about us.  After a few years he said Hello to us at a yard sale and shook hands with us.  At first I didn't even know who he was as he was wearing sun glasses.  We never once mentioned the break we had and I always talked to him and acted friendly and nice.  I'm glad it worked out the way it did as he died a couple years later and after that there is no time to forgive or work things out.  Maybe your situation is so horrible and your daughter so rotten you don't want her in your life, I'm not judging you, I don't know your situation.  I am glad she stopped in to see her dad though, if that is what he wanted.


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## WhatInThe (Jan 18, 2018)

You're not the only one. I've seen simmering issues explode when both were over 50. One daughter MIGHT see her mom once a year. They call/talk but the only reason the calls continue is because the mom takes initiative to return calls, follow through or make conversation. Sometimes you have to go through the motions for a while before things can get better. it happens but especially since there are adults involved do not take it personally.


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