# Grandkids



## debodun (Sep 17, 2016)

Can someone explain to me why so many grandparents have such a close relationship with their grandkids, sometimes more than they had with their children?


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## Bobw235 (Sep 17, 2016)

A chance in some cases for a "do over", to do thing differently in terms of making a connection to someone special in your life. I yearn to have that with my grandchildren as they grow older, even if they do live overseas. We are reading to them, making videos, sending cards and emails, etc. We're determined to give them a chance to know us.


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## Ameriscot (Sep 17, 2016)

I think it can also be a 'do over'.  Also, we aren't responsible for our grandkids, we mainly just get to enjoy them.  I'd love to be able to spend more time with my grandkids, but they live across the 'pond'.  We do Skype and have an extended visit once a year, but it's not the same.


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## jujube (Sep 17, 2016)

I definitely have a much better relationship with my granddaughter than with my daughter.  There's a lot of water that has passed under the bridge.....


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## bluebreezes (Sep 17, 2016)

Less responsibility as Ameriscot said, and that we don't live with them full-time. We don't have to be the disciplinarians. I was close with both of my grandmothers for that reason, and their love seemed so unconditional.

On a visit at my son's house a couple months ago, my grandson and I were having a grand time making a big mess painting, and my son scolded us. It was a hoot to hear him being the grown-up. I'm going to guess my grandson will remember that for a long time, and that our mutual naughtiness created a great bond.


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## QuickSilver (Sep 17, 2016)

debodun said:


> Can someone explain to me why so many grandparents have such a close relationship with their grandkids, sometimes more than they had with their children?




A whole lot depends on access..   I have not been allowed to have much because my DIL has made it that way.  I think that the woman's parents are trusted more and are given much more leeway than the mans parents. The mans parents seem to be scrutinized and graded when the woman's aren't.


You cannot have that close of a relationship when you only get to see them 3 or 4 times a year and they live in the same area.       I have accepted that fact and it no longer is a knife in my heart.


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## debodun (Sep 17, 2016)

I guess I have a difficult time understanding the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren since I don't have grandkids. I marvel at friends of mine who dote on their grandchildren. When I was growing up, my own grandparents seemed dissociative and aloof. When I visited them, they did not greet me with open arms - it was more like "Oh no, you again!" Maybe it was different in the 1950s - parents were expected to take care of their own kids and not depend on THEIR parents to do it.


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## Ameriscot (Sep 17, 2016)

bluebreezes said:


> Less responsibility as Ameriscot said, and that we don't live with them full-time. We don't have to be the disciplinarians. I was close with both of my grandmothers for that reason, and their love seemed so unconditional.
> 
> On a visit at my son's house a couple months ago, my grandson and I were having a grand time making a big mess painting, and my son scolded us. It was a hoot to hear him being the grown-up. I'm going to guess my grandson will remember that for a long time, and that our mutual naughtiness created a great bond.



I was very close to both of my grandmothers as well.


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## Ameriscot (Sep 17, 2016)

QuickSilver said:


> A whole lot depends on access..   I have not been allowed to have much because my DIL has made it that way.  I think that the woman's parents are trusted more and are given much more leeway than the mans parents. The mans parents seem to be scrutinized and graded when the woman's aren't.
> 
> 
> You cannot have that close of a relationship when you only get to see them 3 or 4 times a year and they live in the same area.       I have accepted that fact and it no longer is a knife in my heart.



I suspect I'm going to see my granddaughters less on our visits to the US, and less Skyping.  My son and DIL from hell are getting divorced. 

Oldest granddaughter was supposed to come her for a month next summer and now DIL says no.


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## Ruth n Jersey (Sep 17, 2016)

I agree, not having them all the time, not having the responsibility, just enjoying them makes all the difference. I certainly have a lot more patience with them and really listen to them when they talk. Sad to say, that is something I didn't do with my own. Seemed like I just didn't have the time back then. A few months ago my younger grandson.5, drew me some pictures. Scribbles really, but he was so proud.I brought them home. When they visited recently I taped them all over the wall. When he came and saw them, he just beamed. The expression on his face was priceless. I'm pretty sure I would have never done that for my daughter. I can't turn back the clock but I can try and be the best Grandma I can be.


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## Robusta (Sep 22, 2016)

Ruth n Jersey said:


> I agree, not having them all the time, not having the responsibility, just enjoying them makes all the difference. I certainly have a lot more patience with them and really listen to them when they talk. Sad to say, that is something I didn't do with my own. Seemed like I just didn't have the time back then. A few months ago my younger grandson.5, drew me some pictures. Scribbles really, but he was so proud.I brought them home. When they visited recently I taped them all over the wall. When he came and saw them, he just beamed. The expression on his face was priceless. I'm pretty sure I would have never done that for my daughter. I can't turn back the clock but I can try and be the best Grandma I can be.



I think that you hit the nail on the head.  We dote on our grandchildren. We have had several go rounds with my daughter and SIL about discipline or more accurately lack thereof in our house. 

Parents have a busy life with earning a living pressures from life and the cost of being a young family. They don't always have the luxury of time and fun with the kids. Parents are tasked with making sure the kids grow up straight.

Our grandchildren experience no pressure and nothing but love while in our four walls.  They are happy and joyful, discipline is almost never required and if it is it comes in the form of a conversation.


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