# Anyone Worry What Will Become Of Them?



## Remy (Apr 23, 2021)

I sure do. I'm over 60 now, work part time. Rent. Rents have gone up in my area due to fires and real-estate inventory is low and has also gone up due to the same. I recently bought but never moved into (and sold) a manufactured home in a park. It was large and there were other reasons I didn't feel comfortable with the place.

Inventory is so low in this town and nicer decently newer places don't come up often. I wish they would start another park, I'd order a new one if they allowed smaller places.

I wish I could look in other towns, even states but I'm trapped here due to my over 90 stepfather. I admit, I have a lot of resentment toward him for his enabling my mother's abuse. My mother did have trauma but in the end, she had a husband who put up with her abuse, who had a nice retirement and my mother didn't need to worry about money. They were certainly not rich but able to afford what they needed.

And I'm just getting scared. I'm on my own, I have no support, my brother is an abuser himself and he is not anyone I can talk to. I'm very low contact with him and when my stepfather is gone, he's completely gone too.


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## SetWave (Apr 23, 2021)

I'm very concerned you are becoming frightened and completely understand how that might be. 
I'm a worrier but when I can stop over thinking things I realize everything is okay.
If you are basically covered (have food and shelter) nothing else really matters.
Seriously. 
I hope you can relax and enjoy what good life offers you.


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## MarciKS (Apr 23, 2021)

Remy said:


> I sure do. I'm over 60 now, work part time. Rent. Rents have gone up in my area due to fires and real-estate inventory is low and has also gone up due to the same. I recently bought but never moved into (and sold) a manufactured home in a park. It was large and there were other reasons I didn't feel comfortable with the place.
> 
> Inventory is so low in this town and nicer decently newer places don't come up often. I wish they would start another park, I'd order a new one if they allowed smaller places.
> 
> ...


maybe it's time to look into some low income housing. prehaps the dept of aging can help you find a place.


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## Gaer (Apr 23, 2021)

Remy, You're so young!  I am SO MUCH older than you and you are already planning to resign from life.
Please realize, "Any wonderful thing can happen at any moment!"  (from the Angels)
I have the feeling,
T*he rest of my life lies before me and I must run to meet it!
Don't ever be afraid of ANYTHING!*
i always do the things I'm most afraid to do.
I guess my experience has taught me, no matter what happens, I will always survive!
If,perchance, I don't, then a wonderful new experience awaits me after the death of my body.!
You have the whole rest of your life ahead of you!  Amazing things can happen to you!
You can MAKE THEM HAPPEN!


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## Alligatorob (Apr 23, 2021)

Hey Remy, you certainly are a good person to be taking care of and worrying about your stepfather!  Should get you some good Karma.

This housing bubble we are in won't last, they never do.  I know yours is different because of the fires, but still it will not last.  If you can hang on a while supply will catchup with demand and things will be different.  Maybe not overnight, but before too many years.

Things will get better for you, I am sure of it!


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## Aunt Bea (Apr 23, 2021)

I think it's natural to be concerned.

The only thing that helps me is researching the options available to me and making a loose plan for the future based on what I know today.

Good luck!


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## horseless carriage (Apr 23, 2021)

Gaer said:


> Remy, You're so young!  I am SO MUCH older than you and you are already planning to resign from life.
> Please realize, "Any wonderful thing can happen at any moment!"  (from the Angels)
> I have the feeling,
> T*he rest of my life lies before me and I must run to meet it!
> ...


Remy, is Gaer's post not from the heart? It certainly inspires me. Back in our younger days we were berated for remaining childless. "What will you do when you get old?" We got asked, "probably die," I thought. But with no heirs what do we do with all of life's collections? Most likely, give it to charity. Truly I'm with Gaer, don't worry.


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## officerripley (Apr 23, 2021)

Remy, I'm married but sorta kinda in your situation; Huzz and I never had any kids and I don't know if he's in denial about what's coming sooner rather than later (we're quite a bit older than you) or just doesn't give a sh*t, but he refuses to do anything that would relieve my worry about things, won't downsize at all to an even slightly smaller place, even slightly closer to town, what are we going to do when we can no longer drive (just about time for me and I wonder about him). He just refuses to discuss it, so my heart goes out to you, I can sure sympathize. I was also going to suggest the low-income housing and suggest that even though you seem really young to me, you might want to start checking into it now; around here, the few low income places we have usually have waiting lists of at least a couple years. Good luck to you.


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## MarciKS (Apr 23, 2021)

i've been living alone for 20 yrs now. i used to be scared but not so much anymore.


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 23, 2021)

The rent for a space on a mobile home park can be as much as the rent or payment on a condo or a house.  I would follow the advice and get an apartment in government housing if you qualify or at least senior housing.

You should meet people, like yourself, a d you can help each other when needed.  My mother is 96 and lives in senior housing.  She has friends to help when necessary and managers in ER situations.  Brother and sister in law used to help her, but they are aging now and have their own issues and needs.

Just because there are family, that doesn’t mean family will help or be available for you when you age.  It’s a.ways up to us to care for ourselves.


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## J-Kat (Apr 24, 2021)

Lived alone for almost all of my adult life. Never married and never had kids. I remember my Aunt and others chastising me for not doing so and saying I would not have anyone to take care of me when I got old.  One can have a whole passel of kids and they may not take care of you.  I worked in the health care field and saw that to be the case so much of the time. It sounds as if you are not giving yourself enough credit. You are relatively young.  You are able to work.  Even part time work keeps you from sitting at home feeling worthless. You had the means to purchase a house and sell it so I assume you can do that again if the right situation presents itself.  You are to be commended for taking care of your stepfather.  But now might be the time to start seriously thinking about and exploring other options for yourself when that commitment is fulfilled.  Consider what is important to you in terms of locations, housing costs, etc. should you decide to move.  If you can take a few days and go visit areas you think you might like to live.  As Gaer suggested, you have a lot of life ahead, don't waste it, embrace it and get out there and let it happen.


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## MarciKS (Apr 24, 2021)

J-Kat said:


> Lived alone for almost all of my adult life. Never married and never had kids. I remember my Aunt and others chastising me for not doing so and saying I would not have anyone to take care of me when I got old.  One can have a whole passel of kids and they may not take care of you.  I worked in the health care field and saw that to be the case so much of the time. It sounds as if you are not giving yourself enough credit. You are relatively young.  You are able to work.  Even part time work keeps you from sitting at home feeling worthless. You had the means to purchase a house and sell it so I assume you can do that again if the right situation presents itself.  You are to be commended for taking care of your stepfather.  But now might be the time to start seriously thinking about and exploring other options for yourself when that commitment is fulfilled.  Consider what is important to you in terms of locations, housing costs, etc. should you decide to move.  If you can take a few days and go visit areas you think you might like to live.  As Gaer suggested, you have a lot of life ahead, don't waste it, embrace it and get out there and let it happen.


I have no kids and I worked in several nursing homes. They are basically a dump site.


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## Lara (Apr 24, 2021)

Remi, you live in California and the real estate there is crazy high. Can you move to another state and take your dad with you where rent is inexpensive and find an "Active 55+  Community". You need to build a "family" of supportive friends where there are clubs to join and activities always planned like Bus trips, hiking, playing cards like Bridge, Chess, Birdwatching, walks, dancing, luncheons, crafts...etc etc.

Arizona isn't far.  It's pretty hot in the summer but it's dry so good for arthritis and why a lot of retirees like it there. But you go out for walks in the mornings, then stay indoors and do floor exercises, entertain friends, read, TV, etc, Most communities have a pool. Taxes are low.


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## Betty&Jeremy (Apr 24, 2021)

Get people in your life, make friends, as we get older, we can't be stuck in the old way of thinking. Perhaps you can find a roommate, try to be creative. Start dating and find a partner, don't let age be a barrier.


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## fmdog44 (Apr 24, 2021)

Explain why you bought a home but never moved in. My take from what you posted is go for yourself. Live for yourself. Take care of yourself.


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## Jim W. (Apr 24, 2021)

I'm "lucky" in that I own my house outright. No monthly payments. I'm 63 and live alone as I always have. I get a small SS check every month but it's more than enough to support myself on. My guess is that I will die inside this house and nobody will know unless/until the smell drifts outside, which it might because I leave my windows open most of the year.

My biggest worry is that I might still have a cat when I go and I'd hate for the poor thing to starve. If that happens, I hope that my corpse can be a source of food for him/her.

Other than that, my main worry is what will happen to a lifetime of stuff I've collected and the money I have in the bank.

I just read something online this morning about setting up an annuity and leaving it in my will to the Humane Society of the United States. Supposed to be a good charity with over 70% of donations going directly to the care of animals. Think I'll look into that.

As far as going into a nursing home is concerned, I learned from the experience of both my parents that one of the most important things you can do to stay independent and in your own home, is to....

*EXERCISE YOUR LEGS!!!! 

A LOT!!!!!*

As soon as your legs go and you can't stand up and move around on your own anymore, that's the end of it. It's into the nursing home you go.

For the past several months, I've been trying to walk for an hour every day. I think I cover about a mile and a half or so.

I think as long as I keep that up, I should hopefully remain pretty healthy and able to stay out of the old folks dump.

OTOH, I'm not even too worried about that. I think I'd have a fairly good time in a nursing home as long as I had my wits about me.

I might even make some friends for the first time in years.

At least I wouldn't be alone all the time like I am now....

So basically, I'm not too worried about what will become of me.

I know I'll be dead eventually anyway, like everyone else.

I'm just hoping there is some kind of reasonably pleasant afterlife.


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## MarciKS (Apr 24, 2021)

Thanks for the smile Jim W


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## chic (Apr 24, 2021)

Yes, I worry. Too much. I have a senior mom to help care for so I understand what that's like also. You're not as alone as you feel.


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## katlupe (Apr 26, 2021)

I did worry a lot about that until I took the step to leave my house and move into a senior living apartment. I knew I needed to get out of there. Since I moved here, I have a whole new life and soon I will be 69, but feel I can age here as long as my health holds up. I have been working on that and making progress. I have two friends here who are both 96 years and have lived in this complex for over twenty years. One has a pretty busy life, always going out and even takes the bus to Walmart if she wants to go. 

I have a son who is disabled and I live a couple blocks away from him. Instead of him taking care of me, I take care of him. He comes here almost daily and is doing pretty good so far. But my biggest worry is what will happen to him if something happens to me. 

Senior housing is based on your income and your bills, especially medical ones. Once you reach 65, in NY at least, you can have a home health aide or personal care aide come in regularly and help you with housecleaning, errands, personal care or whatever you need. If you have a Office for the Aging office in your area, call them and tell them your concerns. They will point you in the right direction as they want you to be able to age in place or help you find a place to do that.


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## JonDouglas (Apr 26, 2021)

I think it is natural to be concerned about one's future, regardless of your age.  The best way to deal with that concern, IMHO, is found in the advice given in previous posts - pay credence to your concern, gather up your faith and take it on by branching out and reaching out.  Open yourself up to new ideas, friends, activities, places, etc.  To paraphrase what someone said, "Do not go quietly into that good night."  To put it more bluntly, kick the future in the ass.


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## JustBonee (Apr 26, 2021)

Worry is a waste of precious time  ....  I'm past all that!    

Relax and enjoy  what life gives you,  because things will turn out as they will anyway,  without your input and emotions.


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## Jim W. (Apr 26, 2021)

Bonnie said:


> Worry is a waste of precious time  ....  I'm past all that!
> 
> *Relax and enjoy  what life gives you*,  because things will turn out as they will anyway,  without your input and emotions.



What if life gives you nothing enjoyable....?


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## Serenity4321 (Apr 26, 2021)

Jim W. said:


> What if life gives you nothing enjoyable....?


I believe the most important lesson I have learned in life is that our attitude that makes our life.. How we interpret and what we tell ourselves is everything. It is not always easy to see the positive,  but it is always there..


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## Devi (Apr 26, 2021)

I dunno.  It's not a matter of not worrying and doing nothing else.  You may be able to change things by what you do or put there for yourself.


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## Betty&Jeremy (Apr 26, 2021)

Jim W. said:


> What if life gives you nothing enjoyable....?


Some will choose that because they are not trying hard enough. But its not even hard, many our age shoot too much opportunities down in their life.  We can't be too picky, we can't expect perfection.


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## Knight (Apr 26, 2021)

Jim W. said:


> What if life gives you nothing enjoyable....?


Ice cream, pizza, a good steak, nothing to do & a lot of other things in life are enjoyable.  Want to really think about enjoying life?

Take a trip to the crippled children's hospital in Hershey Pa.  If you are lucky enough to see kids with legs so deformed they can't walk wheeling themselves around in wheel chairs laughing and playing wheel chair tag.  That just might make you appreciate the joy of walking to your refrigerator to get some food that you didn't have to grow.


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## Knight (Apr 26, 2021)

I took this thread to mean what will become of a child that needs care because they for whatever reason can't fully function in society by themselves. 

I think like most that was a worry for my wife & me when each son was born. Thankfully we don't have that to worry about. We know people that do & their lives are not  easy to relate to.


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## Remy (Apr 27, 2021)

Lara said:


> Remi, you live in California and the real estate there is crazy high. Can you move to another state and take your dad with you where rent is inexpensive and find an "Active 55+  Community". You need to build a "family" of supportive friends where there are clubs to join and activities always planned like Bus trips, hiking, playing cards like Bridge, Chess, Birdwatching, walks, dancing, luncheons, crafts...etc
> 
> Arizona isn't far.  It's pretty hot in the summer but it's dry so good for arthritis and why a lot of retirees like it there. But you go out for walks in the mornings, then stay indoors and do floor exercises, entertain friends, read, TV, etc, Most communities have a pool. Taxes are low.


I wish I could look into other areas to move to. No I wouldn't move and take my stepfather with me. He has his mobile in a park. He's not going to move. He is old age weird and I don't like to be around him much. I think part of the problem is he also put up with my mother's abuse for so long. She made every decision (and when she made one she didn't like she blamed him, she did it to me also) He has issues with that now that she is gone. Like he started sending a bunch of donation checks etc.

I have zero support. My brother is terrible. He twisted things I said to him and stated lies to my stepfather. He's a sick individual. He has zero responsibility regarding our stepfather, knows it, but actually uses my responsibility against me. I can't endure him.


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## Remy (Apr 27, 2021)

Jim W. said:


> I'm "lucky" in that I own my house outright. No monthly payments. I'm 63 and live alone as I always have. I get a small SS check every month but it's more than enough to support myself on. My guess is that I will die inside this house and nobody will know unless/until the smell drifts outside, which it might because I leave my windows open most of the year.
> 
> My biggest worry is that I might still have a cat when I go and I'd hate for the poor thing to starve. If that happens, I hope that my corpse can be a source of food for him/her.
> 
> ...


Had I kept the house I bought in 2001, I probably could have it paid off by now. But I needed to get out of it. It was also in a mandatory evacuation zone last fall but the area didn't burn. Stress I could do without.

I certainly understand the low income housing suggestion and appreciate all the replies I got. I'm worried about pet restrictions however and my savings could be a hindrance, in fact I think it would be.

I still wish I could look at other areas other than the town I'm in. I always worried about my mother in her old age, but my stepfather took care of her in her last year. Now I'm stuck with him and never saw it coming.


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## officerripley (Apr 27, 2021)

Remy, my heart goes out to you; I wish I could wave a magic wand and makes things better for you.


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## Jim W. (Apr 27, 2021)

Betty&Jeremy said:


> Some will choose that because they are not trying hard enough. But its not even hard, many our age shoot too much opportunities down in their life.  We can't be too picky, we can't expect perfection.





Knight said:


> Ice cream, pizza, a good steak, nothing to do & a lot of other things in life are enjoyable.  Want to really think about enjoying life?
> 
> Take a trip to the crippled children's hospital in Hershey Pa.  If you are lucky enough to see kids with legs so deformed they can't walk wheeling themselves around in wheel chairs laughing and playing wheel chair tag.  That just might make you appreciate the joy of walking to your refrigerator to get some food that you didn't have to grow.



Well, it's easy to generalize about others but none of us know each other's reality or life circumstances.

You can assume I just didn't try hard enough or I'm not being grateful for the things I have, but I could say to you all.... _"Sure, that's an easy thing to say for those who've been happily married for years and have their spouse/significant other in the next room watching TV or reading, etc_". 

But I don't know any of you, so I'd just be assuming.

As for ice cream, pizza and steak... all foods I cannot indulge in due to Type 2 Diabetes (under control because I stay away from those foods) and high blood pressure, which requires I keep the sodium to a minimum. But even if I could eat all those things, so what? That would be no substitute for love and companionship. 

I've spent my life counting my blessings and you know what? I'm sick of it. I'm tired of pretending life's crumbs are a three layer birthday cake. Screw it.

And as for seeing physically handicapped children, I have not only seen my share, but worked with them as a volunteer teacher's assistant at a local elementary school that has a special unit designed specifically for small children who were born with everything from spinal defects, to deformed extremities to deafness and blindness. Seen them and felt sympathy for them. Counted my blessings. _"There but for...."_ etc, etc.

But just because life or God or the Flying Spaghetti Monster or whoever/whatever it was, decided to crap on their lives even worse than he crapped on the lives of me and others like me, is no reason why I cannot or should not be pissed off over other people being allowed to have the things I was denied.

And understand... I'm not talking about wealth or material junk. I have never had a desire for any of that.

All I've ever wanted in life was love and companionship. To have met a nice, average young girl when I was young enough to have enjoyed life with a girl like that as a spouse. Having a decent paying job. Buying a decent, regular middle class home. Starting a nice little family. Having some good friends and building a regular, everyday life like most people do.

All things, aside from a decent paying job, which I had, I was denied. 

So my attitude has changed from _"Well at least I've got....."_ to....  _"Screw it."_ 

Sure, I might have a paid off house and car and money in the bank, but I live in that house alone and everywhere I go in my car, I go alone, as I have done for the past 40 years. 

So in reality, in that sense, I have nothing.

Am I feeling sorry for myself? 

Maybe just a little bit.

But so what? I feel I'm entitled to.

Mainly I'm just pissed off and disgusted.

BTW.... it wasn't always this way. When I was young, I dated a lot and always had nice girlfriends. 

For whatever reason, after college, I just stopped being able to meet people and the ones I met, were always people I just had nothing in common with.

Why?

Never have figured that out.

Crappy luck, I guess.

Or, a case of life gave me nothing to enjoy, as I queried about in an earlier post.


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## Lara (Apr 27, 2021)

@Remy Have you thought about buying or renting a "Tiny House"? You can quickly and easily leave when fires cause evacuations. You can go wherever you want (even though I understand you want to be in the vicinity of your step-father). You can keep your cats! No rules. No fees.

You can take day trips, weekend trips, week-long trips...save on rent!! Maybe do some online research with so many inspiring Youtube stories of happy tiny-house owners. You can probably also afford a little piece of land to put your Tiny House on...or have your stepfather buy it since you're his caretaker and he has the money! He's giving it all away you said but he needs it to take care of himself at this time in his life.

Does your step-father need home care 24/7? If so, sounds like he has enough money to have someone take your place until you return from your short (or long) excursions.


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## officerripley (Apr 27, 2021)

Lara said:


> @Remy Does your brother live near you? You need to be far far far away from him.
> 
> Have you thought about buying or renting a "Tiny House"? You can quickly and easily leave when fires cause evacuations. You can go wherever you want...even though I understand you want to be in the vacinity of your step-father.
> 
> ...


Good suggestions. However, the last one, hiring someone to come in and take care of someone, I've known so many, many people at least a dozen, who tried that and the person they were caring for had the angry form of Alzheimers and would literally try to assault (and in a couple of cases, succeeded) the hired carer. One co-worker caring for her Alzheimers-affected mother and had tried the hired carers with that result, tried having a long-time friend (a friend whom the mother had always thought of as a "second daughter") come stay with the mother while the daughter went to the store. But nope: luckily the daughter was just getting into her car when here came running out of the house the poor friend (whom the mother had seemed to remember just fine 5 min. earlier) with the mother chasing her with a butcher knife. The daughter told the mother she had to run to the store for a min., will you be okay here with girlfriend; the mother said sure, that's fine but the friend said that about 30 sec. after daughter walks out of the house, mother gets a funny look in her eyes, looks at friend and screams "Who the hell are you and how'd you get in my house?!", picked up the knife & chased her out.

So caring for someone even when there's plenty of $$ (and here in the U.S., usually there isn't) is nowhere near being easy.


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## Murrmurr (Apr 27, 2021)

Remy said:


> Had I kept the house I bought in 2001, I probably could have it paid off by now. But I needed to get out of it. It was also in a mandatory evacuation zone last fall but the area didn't burn. Stress I could do without.
> 
> I certainly understand the low income housing suggestion and appreciate all the replies I got. *I'm worried about pet restrictions however and my savings could be a hindrance, in fact I think it would be.*
> 
> I still wish I could look at other areas other than the town I'm in. I always worried about my mother in her old age, but my stepfather took care of her in her last year. Now I'm stuck with him and never saw it coming.


Most low income housing for seniors (over 50) allow "companion pets". They have strict rules about keeping the pet leashed and cleaning up its feces, but I assume that's no biggie.

Senior housing does have a limit on the amount in your savings account, IRAs, CDs, etc, but the max amount is pretty generous if your accounts are shared; in two people's names. It'd be cool if you could put your stepfather's name on your account without your brother finding out. In any case, there are work-arounds for the financial obstacles.

The biggest problem is the waiting list. I only had to wait 6 months, but I think that's because my son and daughter are military veterans, so I got moved up the list. Most people have to wait 1 to 3 years.

The organization I got housed through is here https://www.mutualhousing.org


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 27, 2021)

Knight said:


> I took this thread to mean what will become of a child that needs care because they for whatever reason can't fully function in society by themselves.
> 
> I think like most that was a worry for my wife & me when each son was born. Thankfully we don't have that to worry about. We know people that do & their lives are not  easy to relate to.


Depends on where you live.  In my area you had to sign up for group home care when the child was 2 years old, which I did.  My totally disabled son entered his group home when he was 18.  He was a good deal taller than I am and had a serious accident.

He was in his hospital bed, the old crank up kind.  He managed to roll over, fall between the mattress and the bed railing, and thank GOD I heard him scream.  His body passed below the railing, his head could not.  He was hanging my his neck, strangling.

I could not lift him or extract him from the situation.  I was able to squeeze my body under his so he would not continue to hang and choke to death.  We had taught our son, with DS, to call 911, which he did.  And I screamed and screamed and screamed.  (No cell phone days.)

Shortly after that he entered a group home under emergency care situation.  Otherwise he would have been home longer.  Our son with DS was home until he turned 22.  I used to know people with 30 year old children who were still waiting for placements.  The wait for housing assistance, with our DS sons rent, was 10 years.


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## Ladybj (Apr 27, 2021)

No.  I am 61 years young. I am enjoying life one day at a time.  Sure, I have challenging days but I am grateful and blessed.  As one of the other post stated as long as we have food, shelter - we have all that we need.  I try not to dwell on the "what if" - I'm learning  to live in the present moment.  My heart goes out to those that have no support, family, friends, etc.. But this is a great site for support. I have come across valuable information.


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## Remy (Apr 27, 2021)

Lara said:


> @Remy Have you thought about buying or renting a "Tiny House"? You can quickly and easily leave when fires cause evacuations. You can go wherever you want (even though I understand you want to be in the vicinity of your step-father). You can keep your cats! No rules. No fees.
> 
> You can take day trips, weekend trips, week-long trips...save on rent!! Maybe do some online research with so many inspiring Youtube stories of happy tiny-house owners. You can probably also afford a little piece of land to put your Tiny House on...or have your stepfather buy it since you're his caretaker and he has the money! He's giving it all away you said but he needs it to take care of himself at this time in his life.
> 
> Does your step-father need home care 24/7? If so, sounds like he has enough money to have someone take your place until you return from your short (or long) excursions.


One area that had many houses burn to the ground has those lots for sale. Once they were cleaned and cleared. That area is still high fire danger IMO though I was looking at some lots online. Someone I work with who lives in the area swears someone bought the lot next to them (her house didn't burn) and is going to grow pot on it. I don't know where she got her info but she's convinced.

So that area concerns me. It's an idea. I wish they had more tiny house communities. Also no new mobile parks are going up and too many of those burned down. They are building apartments and expensive houses however. So it's rent or have plenty of money. Nothing in-between.


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## Jules (Apr 27, 2021)

Tiny homes aren’t designed to be easily moved.  Nor are mobile homes. If you felt confident enough to drive an RV, you could consider that.  There’s still lots of maintenance.  

Why do you feel that you _must_ look after your stepfather?  How many more years might he go on like this? I know there’s no definite answer, just guessing based on his age and health.  Does he have anyone as his POA?  If he runs out of money because he gave it all away, will you have to support him?  Maybe someone/you needs to take over his affairs.


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