# Memories of Mothers In Law Past



## RadishRose (Feb 6, 2015)

At age 17, a few years after my parents died, I met and quickly married a young man I hardly knew. A nice enough guy, but it should never have been.

He, his mom, dad and 3 close brothers immigrated from Lebanon in the late 50's. Mother; Lebanese and a Catholic of the Maronite rite. Father; member of the Anglican Church. Their families were never Muslim to their knowledge but even if so, I want to say, these are some of the nicest, warmest and most loving people I've ever known! I was entranced by their culture.

As a young lady in Lebanon, my former mother in law moved to Beirut and trained as a nurse. In fact, she was hired to care for the then king of Jordan's (King Hussein) young children for a short time until she met and married her husband.

They came over after escaping Palestine, back into Lebanon (they used to go back & forth) when Israel was born. I was vaguely aware in my youth that there was trouble there. They recounted the escape as being shoved by the father into a taxi to hightail into Lebanon and even my young ex-husband remembered his father pushing them to the floor of that taxi while bullets flew through the windows!

 My then mother in law (MIL) later told me stories, but only when I'd asked- of what had happened; of atrocities so terrible, like "people running from their bathtubs and being shot in the streets"; and babies being stabbed or shot by Israelis at that time.

So to America they came, sponsored and legal, with 4 young boys.

  Father in Law (FIL) worked as an inspector at an electronics plant. He had formerly worked for the British in Palestine before the takeover. MIL took care of the young boys but then went to work in a factory when an older aunt came over & took care of the boys.

MIL came home from the factory, cleaned, baked lavash, clarified butter, put up lunches & made dinner. On weekends she would often make yogurt (leban), homemade cheese, hummus and various dishes for the week. She, not having much English, it was FIL who helped with homework.

Her food was beautiful! She would carve radishes into roses, hence my forum name; created little egg-shaped & baked "kibbeh" from ground lamb, onion and softened cracked wheat, lovely lentil dishes, stuffed squashes and eggplants with tomato sauces, "tabooli" salads, little pies topped w/ spinach, onion, cheese and pine-nuts. Oh, and her dips to eat with her homemade lavash or lettuces; the creamy, lemoney & garlicky baba- ganoush or the hummus tahini...so good and always decorated w/ chopped parsely & olive oil.

She did magical things with cinnamon and tomatoes!

They embraced American Thanksgiving whole-heartedly. Perfectly roasted, huge turkies but stuffed with rice, ground lamb, onion, nuts & cinnamon! They gravy was typical, but flavored with fresh lemon. Delicious.

 Her baklava was wonderous; some filled with pistachios, honey & lemon, some filled with cheese & honey. Sometimes, fresh mint. She didn't make her own phyllo dough for that, but as they lived a short hop to NYC, she bought it on occasional trips down. I'll never forget when she held up a sheet of that dough and told me I could almost see through it; I could!

Even her coffees; "do you want Arabic or American?" She brewed both. The Arabic was made in a strangely shaped pot, with cardamom seeds; thick and fragrant, served in little demi-tasse cups on little saucers. American was made in a percolator.

She would never cook or eat pork. Not Jewish of course, but she could not stomach it. She would buy sliced deli-ham for the boys lunches sometimes because they wanted it. This gave me an inkling into the semetic heritage both Jews and Arabs share.

 She made short-bread style cookies shaped as an "S", topped with nuts.  She could butcher a huge piece of lamb, bake an American pineapple upside-down-cake, rinse her rice 5-6 times so each grain was by itself, clarify her own butter & pickle any vegetable- not only pickle them, but tint them different colors by using natural veggie juices & skins. Everything she made, had a special touch.

How did she do all this, work and wash the family laundry in old wringer-washer, hang to dry and fold in?
Her bedroom was immaculate, smelled like flowers with little pots of make-up and framed photos on her dresser. Her house was clean. She always smelled good, wore stylish clothes and kept her black hair in a stylish mode. In truth, she was a beautiful woman. And, she could sing!!

The boys did well. Two graduated college, how that was paid for I don't know. Two began their own businesses early. All are moderately affluent I have heard. They have their hard-working and sacrificing parents to thank.

Childlike, I once asked her if she dreamed in Arabic or English. She had to think about it for a few moments and said finally, mostly English. She could not read or write English, but she knew numbers for sale items! (Arabic numbers, after all) She took me into her heart immediately, treated me as her own. I was, and remain grateful.

I became close to the older aunt as well. She was an accomplished seamstress, making beautiful clothes for wealthy NYC ladies. She had a great sense of humor and was well educated. I'd developed an interest in the loveliness of Arabic writing. She gave me a book. 

Imagine my surprise that it seemed upside down! Laughing, she explained that they read from right to left. She taught me how to write my name in Arabic but I've forgotten.  She gave me pen & paper and I'd sit with the book and copy the pretty "arabesque" writing. They all agreed I had a beautiful hand, copied exactly, complimented me- but never said I didn't know squat about what I was doing!  They all said I was "sympathique".

I was also blessed with my second MIL and FIL. Twiced blessed, how lucky I was!
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## Meanderer (Feb 9, 2015)

Thanks for sharing your Family memories, and introducing your Mother In Law to us.  The talk of food made me hungry, it all sounds tayyebt!     MILs have always gotten a bad rap!


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 9, 2015)

Talk of all the food made me hungry also, your inlaws sounded like wonderful people, you were blessed.  No complaints here about my inlaws either.  So sweet of you to use RadishRose in her honor. :love_heart:


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## Meanderer (Feb 9, 2015)

It took every bit of restraint I could muster NOT to include a cartoon with my previous post!  ....so I will NOW share one I think is cute.


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## Josiah (Feb 9, 2015)

A nice family story, with a warm multicultural flavor, so common in the United States. Well I won't say that batting 1000 in the in law department is common. You really lucked out there.


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## Mrs. Robinson (Feb 9, 2015)

I would have stayed married just to keep her! She sounds like a gem!


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## RadishRose (Feb 10, 2015)

Thanks all for your responses. Speaking about her made me feel good.


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## vickyNightowl (Dec 22, 2015)

That was beautiful. I lost my mom when I was 7,my MIL was like a second mom.thanks for sharing.


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## jujube (Dec 23, 2015)

I always dreamed of a mother-in-law who would look upon me as a daughter.  MY mother-in-law referred to me as The Whore of Babylon.  The family (with the exception of one brother and his family, who was just grateful that he wasn't the _primary_ Black Sheep any longer) boycotted the wedding and I didn't meet my in-laws for five years.  In later years, we became "civil" in our interactions.  I have a sister-in-law that I couldn't love any more than if she was my sister, but I've never truly become acquainted in more than passing with the rest of the family.  There were several of my late husband's brothers and sisters that I never even met.


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## Karen99 (Dec 23, 2015)

Beautiful post, Rose.  I enjoyed it so much.  Love melts away differences doesn't it..and always enriches us.  Jujube...I'm sorry your MIL was so unkind.  It was her loss.  I loved my MIL very much...I still miss her.  She made Buckeye candy at Christmas...yep she was originally from Ohio.


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## fureverywhere (Dec 23, 2015)

What a beautiful story, so wonderful I just read it twice. We were just talking about my mil last night. I suggested maybe we'll wake up on Christmas morning and magically her ghost leaves a dish of licorice knot cookies on the counter. We'd have to keep it a secret of course.


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## Warrigal (Dec 23, 2015)

I also thank you RadishRose because your story set me to thinking about my own dear mother in law. Unlike yours, she was a truly terrible cook but she was generous with her love and adopted all of her children's wives and one husband as her own children. I lived with her for three years after we married and there was never a testy word or look of disapproval. She was a loving grandmother to all of her grand children and I have tried to be as open and accepting as she was.

In her dotage I was privileged to be the one most available to her and we would spend time together reminiscing about her youth because I had heard all of her stories many times and even in a state of dementia I could stimulate her memory to tell them to me again.

I don't miss her, even though my eyes are misting now as I think about her, because I carry her with me in my heart and I see her spirit alive in my daughter.


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## Greeneyes (Jan 15, 2016)

What a lovely tribute to your former MIL. Wish I would have had that kind of relationship with my MIL. Thank you for sharing your story, RadishRose.


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