# Girlfriend is gone for good in 30 minutes.



## Robert59 (Oct 14, 2022)

My girlfriend's sister took her away in 30 minutes. She been with me for seven years and sister took her to her home in another state to get her ready for going into a group home because of her dementia.  It hasn't hit me yet she's gone.


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## Sassycakes (Oct 14, 2022)

I am so sorry to hear this.7 years together is a long time. Life isn't fair.


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## Lee (Oct 14, 2022)

Robert, would you consider moving to be close to her. How is your relationship with the sister?


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## katlupe (Oct 14, 2022)

I feel so bad for you but it doesn't seem like you had any other choice.


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## Robert59 (Oct 14, 2022)

Lee said:


> Robert, would you consider moving to be close to her. How is your relationship with the sister?


Her sister has never liked me in the first place. My girlfriend hasn't been taking her medicine for bi-polar and she real manic right now. I will say her and her sister can't get alone very well. This might not last very long. Sister thinks she can have her in a group home in days and might just take her months or even a year to get in.


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## Geezerette (Oct 14, 2022)

Sorry to hear that. I wish there had been some middle ground. So sad when people won’t take the meds that could help them, and even a group home etc can’t force it into them. 
And these good quality residential treatment can be very scarce or expensive or both. 
Meanwhile Robert, think about yourself & what you might do to make your “single” status more enjoyable.


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## Gaer (Oct 14, 2022)

Sorry to hear that, Robert.  Take care.


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## Shalimar (Oct 14, 2022)

*I am very sorry Robert. Hugs.*


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## jujube (Oct 14, 2022)

Sorry to hear that it isn't going well, Robert.  Have you made any plans for the possibility that the sister may show up one day and hand your girlfriend back over again to you?  You said they don't get along and I'm pretty sure it's going to be difficult for the sister to find a group home or program for your girlfriend.  The good ones have waiting lists a mile long.


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## NorthernLight (Oct 14, 2022)

I'm sorry, Robert.


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## Jules (Oct 14, 2022)

Robert, this will be tough for you.  Hopefully it help your girlfriend.


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## RadishRose (Oct 14, 2022)

I am also sorry, Robert. I hope somehow things will work out for the best, and sooner than later. 

Keep taking good care of yourself, try something new and hang out with our forum as often as you like.


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## C50 (Oct 14, 2022)

Well that sucks, sorry.

Does the sister have some sort of guardianship or power of attorney  over your girlfriend?  Just wondering how she had the power to sweep in there and take her away.  

Are you going to try and fight for the right to manage her care?

It's got to be a shock, best wishes to you.


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## Alligatorob (Oct 14, 2022)

As @Sassycakes says "_Life isn't fair_" and right now particularly unfair to you.

I know its hard, but I believe you will find a way through it.  Best to you and your girlfriend!


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## NorthernLight (Oct 14, 2022)

C50 said:


> Well that sucks, sorry.
> 
> Does the sister have some sort of guardianship or power of attorney  over your girlfriend?  Just wondering how she had the power to sweep in there and take her away.


"Next of kin." I experienced something kind of similar. It sucks.


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## fuzzybuddy (Oct 14, 2022)

Well, Robert59, if your girlfriend isn't taking her meds and getting worse, she needs to be where she will be medicated. It's difficult for loved ones to be hardnosed about taking meds. She's not in solitary confinement, she can get phone calls, email, mail, visits, day passes etc.


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## Remy (Oct 16, 2022)

Wow, that's hard and you really don't know how this is going to go or if the sister will allow any communication. I'm very sorry for all this.


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## Lee (Oct 16, 2022)

Robert....any updates?


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## Georgiagranny (Oct 16, 2022)

@Robert59, I've been following your threads and want to let you know how very sorry I am. I don't have any words of wisdom for you; this has to be very hard on you. Please keep on posting! We care and we "hear" you.


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## Kaila (Oct 16, 2022)

That sure is a sudden shock and change, for you, 
even if you knew it might be coming, Robert, and even though it might be for the better, and who knows what will happen.

Do try to take care of yourself, now, as best you can.


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## Right Now (Oct 16, 2022)

These times are heartbreaking, in whatever circumstances they happen.  I'm sorry you are going through this, but it may be for the best for your girlfriend.  Hugs to you.


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## JustDave (Oct 16, 2022)

sorry, Robert.


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## PamfromTx (Oct 16, 2022)

I hope and pray that a suitable facility is found for your girlfriend, Robert.  She needs to be treated for her health issues.  My sisters and I have been thru the struggles.... with my late mother.


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## Robert59 (Oct 16, 2022)

Girlfriend's sister called me today and said all her sisters doctor's are wrong because her sister doesn't have Dementia. All this is Bi-polar type 1. She has sign's of Dementia but sister says it Bi-polar.


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## Robert59 (Oct 16, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> Girlfriend's sister called me today and said all her sisters doctor's are wrong because her sister doesn't have Dementia. All this is Bi-polar type 1. She has sign's of Dementia but sister says it Bi-polar. At first I was upset that her sister came now I'm not because I need a rest from stress.


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## Robert59 (Oct 16, 2022)

Thank you all for the great replys. What's hard is ex-girlfriend went everywhere I went and now she's not here.


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## Murrmurr (Oct 16, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> Girlfriend's sister called me today and said all her sisters doctor's are wrong because her sister doesn't have Dementia. All this is Bi-polar type 1. She has sign's of Dementia but sister says it Bi-polar.


The sister may be correct. She probably had your girlfriend assessed by the group home medical staff. Some bi-polar symptoms do look like a form of dementia, so it can be misdiagnosed.


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## Tish (Oct 17, 2022)

Sorry to hear that Robert.


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## Robert59 (Oct 17, 2022)

Now I'm looking for another roomate that helps pay half of the bills. I'm thinking about giving them free rent but they would have to live with me. Most people don't want to live with their landlord. What do you think about this?


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## katlupe (Oct 17, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> Now I'm looking for another roomate that helps pay half of the bills. I'm thinking about giving them free rent but they would have to live with me. Most people don't want to live with their landlord. What do you think about this?


Depends on if you are just renting out a bedroom to someone. Charge them the amount of half of the bills. Some people do this.


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## Murrmurr (Oct 17, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> Now I'm looking for another roomate that helps pay half of the bills. I'm thinking about giving them free rent but they would have to live with me. Most people don't want to live with their landlord. What do you think about this?


A friendly dog would be a lot less trouble, imo, but they don't help at all with the bills. If the monthly bills are hard to keep up with, then a room mate would be helpful, but you gotta be so super careful these days or you could wind up buried in your own backyard while your room mate collects your checks.

Have you looked into getting senior and low-income discounts on monthly utility bills? Where I am, both our major utility companies offer very significant monthly discounts for people living alone whose income is less than $32,000 a year. The cable company does, too. I get $30 off my internet service every month. Also, my state gives these food-only debit cards to low-income people, and (every month) they give you a dollar amount that's just about equal to your utility costs.

So maybe look into that stuff before looking for a room mate.


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## Robert59 (Oct 18, 2022)

Here would be someone on drugs or just wouldn't help with the bills. Now thinking about moving in a senior appartment after selling my house. What do you all think about this?


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## Robert59 (Oct 18, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> I will check this out. Thanks.






Murrmurr said:


> A friendly dog would be a lot less trouble, imo, but they don't help at all with the bills. If the monthly bills are hard to keep up with, then a room mate would be helpful, but you gotta be so super careful these days or you could wind up buried in your own backyard while your room mate collects your checks.
> 
> Have you looked into getting senior and low-income discounts on monthly utility bills? Where I am, both our major utility companies offer very significant monthly discounts for people living alone whose income is less than $32,000 a year. The cable company does, too. I get $30 off my internet service every month. Also, my state gives these food-only debit cards to low-income people, and (every month) they give you a dollar amount that's just about equal to your utility costs.
> 
> So maybe look into that stuff before looking for a room mate.


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## katlupe (Oct 18, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> Here would be someone on drugs or just wouldn't help with the bills. Now thinking about moving in a senior appartment after selling my house. What do you all think about this?


I think it is a good idea since that is what I did. My rent is based on my income, monthly bills and medical bills.


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## Robert59 (Oct 18, 2022)

Picture of Girlfreind that is gone .


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## NorthernLight (Oct 18, 2022)

Living with strangers can be fun, or a nightmare. Everyone has needs and expectations re privacy, noise, mess, alcohol, cooking, visitors, etc., and it can get pretty complicated. I'd say if you've never done it before, it would be too risky.

An alternative would be to rent a room out for short periods. Or, depending on where you live, rent it as a home-away-from-home for someone who comes to your town on weekends or something. That way, the restrictions or inconveniences aren't too terrible for either party.


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## Pinky (Oct 18, 2022)

Sharing can run into problems. I've experienced it, and know of others who had conflicts while sharing.
You would probably do best to live in a senior's residence, Robert.

In any case, I wish the best for you.


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## Murrmurr (Oct 18, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> Picture of Girlfreind that is gone . View attachment 245350


She's a cutie, Robert.

I sure hope things work out for you, man. And, hey, if you do sell your place and get into a senior community, you'll have lots of people around you to make friends with. You won't be lonely except when you _want_ to be.


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## HarryHawk (Oct 18, 2022)

My wife and I had done some research and there are some very nice senior community options in Michigan.   Most have alot of activities so you can enjoy company when you want, as well as privacy.


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## Kika (Oct 18, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> Now thinking about moving in a senior appartment after selling my house. What do you all think about this?


It is worth taking a look at a senior apartment.  You may like it. There are different set-ups in different places.  Over 55, Assisted living, etc.  Looking can make you think of what you would like and what would be helpful to you.


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## rwb (Oct 23, 2022)

1


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## rwb (Oct 23, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> My girlfriend's sister took her away in 30 minutes. She been with me for seven years and sister took her to her home in another state to get her ready for going into a group home because of her dementia.  It hasn't hit me yet she's gone.


 

Why didn't you get married a few years back and then the sister and other members of the family would not be able to exert influence over her?


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## Kaila (Oct 23, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> Here would be someone on drugs or just wouldn't help with the bills. Now thinking about moving in a senior appartment after selling my house. What do you all think about this?


Robert, I think this is the much better option, knowing your personal specific individual circumstances, from reading your posts here at SF for years.
Roommates can bring many problems that are unsafe or very difficult. And more likely to make things worse for you rather than better.  It is not possible to force them to get out if they are a terrible roommate for you.

Most Senior apartments have lower rents for those with medical problems, and you might be able to get moved up on a wait list, too, due to both your financial and your medical.
And when you use up some of your monies from the house sale, your rent would be lowered, in some of the senior housing places.  That is the type you should look for, imo.

Most of them have some easier options to get some help with your medical needs when you will need it, too, and they also make changes to your apartment, to make it easier with your specific medical needs, as they get harder for you, in the future, at no extra expense for you at that time, too.

Btw, you shouldn't wait till you sell your house, to get on as many wait lists as you can.  Some of them are long.


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## Kaila (Oct 23, 2022)

That is a very nice picture of her, Robert.
You two shared a lot, together.
We will hope for good things for both her, and for you,now.


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## NorthernLight (Oct 23, 2022)

rwb said:


> Why didn't you get married a few years back and then the sister and other members of the family would not be able to exert influence over her?


I learned about this the hard way. People think living together is the same as being married. But in situations like this, it is not.


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## Happy Heart (Oct 23, 2022)

It might be time to consult with a financial planner or elder law attorney to explore your own best financial options.  Some states have special trust funds which limit how much abusive elder care can charge.  Explore all your options, well.  Not a good idea to bring in a stranger who could cause problems.
Be like a flower growing in the ground and accept all that comes your way.


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## Remy (Oct 23, 2022)

rwb said:


> Why didn't you get married a few years back and then the sister and other members of the family would not be able to exert influence over her?


Some people just don't think of it or do so for a number of reasons. People can also get the durable power of attorney for medical and/or financial. There are people with no children or family to trust and they can appoint anyone.


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## Kika (Oct 23, 2022)

There is also a "Disposition of Remains" form (differs by state) giving a non-family member (or anyone really, as family members may not agree) complete authority to either bury or cremate the deceased.


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## Kaila (Oct 23, 2022)

rwb said:


> Why didn't you get married a few years back and then the sister and other members of the family would not be able to exert influence over her?


It might actually be best, overall, *specifically in* Robert's situation, (and in some  other people's situations)
that they didn't marry, and that he is not more responsible for all of her needs, at this point, even though it was emotional to have her leave in this manner. 
It wouldn't have been easy (and maybe not even possible) to continue to physically care for her, or to see her leave in any other way, either, and he would have needed to arrange more, all while having his own significant  medical challenges.

But certainly, in many other people's situations, they should be aware and at least consider their own options, and might want to have legal marriage, instead of having other family members making the decisions and actions.


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## Brookswood (Oct 31, 2022)

This is very sad. I am sorry for you.   

Life goes on.   You must now care for yourself.


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