# My Failed Attempt At Using OurTime.com



## SifuPhil (Jun 29, 2013)

The life of a monk can be a lonely one, especially as one begins to age. A life spent reflecting upon matters of the spirit can lead one to ignore the body and it's many wants and needs.

That's why I signed up on OurTime.com.



Of course, being an honest and honorable man of religious integrity I entered my name as "Frank Sinatra" and my address as "Close To You" - I figured it could only help to find That Special Someone.

Now the commercials I've seen on TV for this dating service all show beautiful women and handsome, well-dressed men talking about how they found their match within minutes. Me - it took a little longer, and the women I interacted with were a bit far from "beautiful" - about as far as the Moon is from the Earth during apogee, or as far as a Big Mac is from fine dining.

First to respond was Jennifer - she was divorced 3 times and widowed 4. I try not to judge people, but when I saw her "Interests" listed as "Poisons, toxic substances and covert assassination techniques" I decided to keep my options open and move on.


Jennifer

Second up was Tillie. Tillie's profile claimed she was an "old-fashioned gal at heart - always ready to help my man in any way I can". This sounded promising, even after I saw her address was in the middle of Lancaster, PA, home of the Amish. 

I'm not particularly choosey when it comes to physical appearance, but even I have my standards, as low as they are, so I had to move on.


Tillie

Finally I spotted Consuelo.

Consuelo had moved to the U.S. from Puerto Rico many years ago as a child and is a naturalized citizen. No children, no pets, no ex's lurking in the shadows ready to jump me. She's financially well-off, dances ballet as a hobby and is an excellent cook. When I saw her photo there was something about her that was familiar, but I just couldn't place it. 

Consuelo and I had a nice long talk online, then we spoke on the phone for hours, laughing until we were crying. We both feel we're a great match for each other and have arranged to have dinner next Friday. There's still something vaguely familiar about her appearance, as if I've seen her before, but that's probably just my nerves talking. 


Consuelo


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## Anne (Jun 30, 2013)

Gee, I dunno, Phil.   Maybe I'm psychic, but without seeing the actual women, just seems to me that perhaps Jennifer might have an anger issue or two??  

Tillie...well, if you need help chopping wood or doing farm chores, I'll bet she'd be right there beside you.  Besides, it wouldn't be surprising if she's a great cook, too!!!

Consuelo - young, pretty darn cute...really, what more could one want in a woman??  And, if she does have a few antisocial tendencies, well, it's probably her parent's fault, y'know how that goes.

I know we've discussed this here before, but have you seriously considered Christian Mingle, Phil????


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## Michael. (Jun 30, 2013)

.
It is a sad state of affairs when we have to turn to dating sites to find someone?


They are popping up all over the place and if you believe the hype your ideal companion (I hate that word 'Partner') 


is just a few clicks away on your computer?


However you could be in for a big surprise?





.




.


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## Ozarkgal (Jun 30, 2013)

Geeze Phil...It's possible your standards are a bit high...Maybe think of lowering the bar a bit?..I took the liberty of searching out a few sites where the ladies should be very appreciative of a kind, talented, articulate,  spiritual, fine looking representative of the male species.


http://www.theuglybugball.com/index.php

http://uglyschmucks.com/

http://theurbandater.com


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## SifuPhil (Jun 30, 2013)

Anne said:


> I know we've discussed this here before, but have you seriously considered Christian Mingle, Phil????



I tried again but I'm still black-listed - something about being a demonic influence ...



			
				Michael said:
			
		

> It is a sad state of affairs when we have to turn to dating sites to find someone?



I used to think that as well, Michael, but then I thought about how our society is changing: how we're spending more time online shopping, learning and socializing. The 'Net has replaced the old town square as the place to hang out and meet people, so it isn't too surprising that online dating has taken off the way it has.




			
				Ozarkgal said:
			
		

> Geeze Phil...It's possible your standards are a bit high...Maybe think  of lowering the bar a bit?..I took the liberty of searching out a few  sites where the ladies should be very appreciative of a kind, talented,  articulate,  spiritual, fine looking representative of the male species.
> 
> 
> http://www.theuglybugball.com/index.php
> ...



I don't think my standards are too high; I think the rest of the world's are too low. 

Of the 3 sites you listed (HOW do you find them? Never mind, I don't want to know!) only *The Ugly Bug Ball* had any promise, both because of the catchy name and the fact that they have a sister site - *The Naughty Bug Ball* - that seems to be right up my alley. 

*Ugly Schmucks* is just sad.

*The Urban Dater*, at a quick glance, seems to be a mix of man-hating rhetoric and a ton of re-hashed dating advice from 17-year-olds.


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## JustBonee (Jun 30, 2013)

Check this out:   http://statisticbrain.com/online-dating-statistics/  ......>>  10% sex offenders.  

Stats say that up to 40% of people signed up for online dating sites are married.  (mostly men) 

Anyway .. have fun!


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## JustBonee (Jun 30, 2013)

Oh!  And just one little teeny word of advice.. do ditch that avatar in any dating site. :daz:  
That's all I've got.


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## That Guy (Jun 30, 2013)




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## SifuPhil (Jun 30, 2013)

Boo's Mom said:


> Check this out:   http://statisticbrain.com/online-dating-statistics/  ......>>  10% sex offenders.
> 
> Stats say that up to 40% of people signed up for online dating sites are married.  (mostly men)
> 
> Anyway .. have fun!



Yes, but ...



> By 48, Men have twice as many online pursuers as Women





> 38% of girls prefer nice guys





> 8% are attracted to bald





> 33% of women have sex on the first online dating encounter



_Somewhere_ among those stats are hope! 



Boo's Mom said:


> Oh!  And just one little teeny word of advice.. do ditch that avatar in any dating site. :daz:
> That's all I've got.



Not a problem - I have several just for dating sites ...


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## SifuPhil (Jun 30, 2013)

And here's another specialty site I just came across - 

*Meet-An-Inmate.com*



Where you can wax poetic with the hardened con of your choice, exchange highly-censored emails and perhaps send them a cake with a file in it ...


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## JustBonee (Jul 1, 2013)

SifuPhil said:


> Yes, but ...
> 
> 
> 
> ...



AHAAAAA.. Not really sure which one of those would scare the least number of potential victims away.

Hmmm .. Why does the first one look like Bill Maher?


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## Anne (Jul 1, 2013)

The last one....those muscles are NOT attractive!!


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## SifuPhil (Jul 1, 2013)

Boo's Mom said:


> AHAAAAA.. Not really sure which one of those would scare the least number of potential victims away.
> 
> Hmmm .. Why does the first one look like Bill Maher?



It does? I really don't know what he looks like - I'll have to check him out. I believe it was actually George Clooney in the original picture ... 



Anne said:


> The last one....those muscles are NOT attractive!!



Ah, but you'd be happy to see me if you had a stubborn jar to open ...


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## JustBonee (Jul 2, 2013)

This is Bill Maher

http://erb-magazine.blogspot.com/2013/02/real-talk-with-bill-maher.html


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## SifuPhil (Jul 2, 2013)

Boo's Mom said:


> This is Bill Maher
> 
> http://erb-magazine.blogspot.com/2013/02/real-talk-with-bill-maher.html



I have to admit to having had a senior moment last night - I know full well who Bill Maher is, and for whatever reason I just went blank when you mentioned his name.

Boy, is THAT ever scary!


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## That Guy (Jul 2, 2013)

Meet an Inmate is the way I'm goin'.  Say, that Lindsay Lohan is HOT . . . if they ever finally give her ass a well-deserved lock-up...


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## theurbandater (Jul 18, 2013)

SifuPhil said:


> I tried again but I'm still black-listed - something about being a demonic influence ...
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Um, I'll have you know that the advice comes from 15 year olds, you yutz! And for the record, yes, your standards are very high; too high actually. 

On another note "incest" and "chest vomit" are two of our top referring keywords and how most new folks find us. I imagine the person who found our site used some combo of those terms, with you in mind, when searching us out.

I still love you.


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## SifuPhil (Jul 18, 2013)

theurbandater said:


> Um, I'll have you know that the advice comes from 15 year olds, you yutz! And for the record, yes, your standards are very high; too high actually.



Oh, okay - that makes _all_ the difference in the world! Mistaking a 15-year-old's relationship advice with the infinitely more mature and worldly knowledge of a 17-year-old is a cardinal sin, of which I ruefully admit I am guilty as charged. I throw myself upon the mercy of the court.

This is Mercy. Of the Court.






> On another note "incest" and "chest vomit" are two of our top referring keywords and how most new folks find us. I imagine the person who found our site used some combo of those terms, with you in mind, when searching us out.



If you do a quick check on the Google Keyword Tool you'll find that "SifuPhil", "sex machine", "incest" and "chest vomit" are the top 4 search terms for the Adult Dating niche. I like to think that I can lay claim to at least two of them.




> I still love you.



"*Love*" is _such_ a strong, emotion-laden term, full of misconceptions and false expectations.

I prefer "*animal lust*".


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## Diwundrin (Jul 18, 2013)

Great thread, glad it was resurrected, would have missed it.  
The thought of on-line dating makes me break out in a cold sweat.  Nooooo wayyyyy.  But then I'm past it anyway so duzzen madder.

It should be mandatory for all males over the age of 8 to be forced to watch those docos of the women who talk on those phone-sex lines.
One memorable sexy thing was a good 70, knitting away while talking,  and looking like a well worn boot.

*Story alert:*
My work entailed 'chasing freight trains' through the telegraph, and later computer generated reports of their sometimes mysterious whereabouts.
At least some of the wagons and their contents got mysterious sometimes.  
Technology often failed us and the only way to know if some wagon destined north but suspected of having been attached to a southbound was actually entering the realms of the lost, was to phone a station ahead of it, get the  controller to pull it up in the yards there, and then get someone to go out and actually look at the train.   

Here's where the phone sex comes in.
Picture a lonely man, in a freezing room, huddled over his puny railway issue radiator. Outside the winter wind is blowing sleet across the train yard.  Not a picnic scenario.   Being a government employee, this man is zero chance of being motivated to do more than his minimum requirements to keep his lousy job.
How do you get him to go out into that bitter night to walk the full length of the freighter to check the number of a freight wagon which may, or not, be even attached to it?  It also meant that if it was there,  he'd have to shunt it, detach it then go out again to hook it to a northbound later? 

A train controller pulling 'authority' will simply make him put the phone down, wait an appropriate time, call back and say "nah, can't see it on this one" and forget about it until the "please explain" letter came in.  The worst he'd get would be a $10 fine and who'd go out in that weather over 10 bucks for some b***@!&* controller?

Soooo, one of we girls would 'chat him up'.  We got really good at talkin' dirty to lonely cold men in miserable places over the years.  It bothered my conscience sometimes but the controllers were within yelling distance of our office so it was a matter of 'him or us'.   
It did amaze me at first how gullible some men were that they would go out in that weather just to impress, and do a huge favor for, some bird they'd never seen, and hopefully never would, just to hear sighs, lies and giggles.  

We used to laugh about turning professional, but of course we were too virtuous to know enough about the subject for that.  Right? Well, some of us were.

It made me very wary on the net, I figured if I could do it so could everyone else.:glee:  Obviously most don't check profiles too closely as I always indicate that I'm over the hill, but they still try and hit on me anyway.  Doh!  I should use webcam, they'd see I'm about as good as that  knitting, phone chatting  'sex kitten' with the old boot looks. :glee:

But don't let that put you off Phil. :bowknot:


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## SifuPhil (Jul 19, 2013)

Well now, to be totally fair I think we have to differentiate between online dating and phone sex. The latter is where I think your excellent story was leading to, unless of course you decided to actually date one of those lonely spotters.

But yes, a talented player can assume any persona they wish in online dating. Webcams can be faked-out, professions and incomes can be falsified and even gender can be bent. Heck, even with forums such as this, with far less emotional content at stake, people have routinely created their own online robots to do their bidding, often just for the sake of being able to do so.

As you may have noticed on occasion here I have some entry-level skill at Photoshopping; if I were serious about becoming a player I would kick that ability up a few notches. I'm already blessed with the ability to baffle 'em with BS - probably a gift from the Irish quarter of my heritage - as well as to employ humor to a degree in my personal correspondences. 

I'd also visit a dentist, a hair-replacement salon and a Brazilian waxing establishment, but that's probably TMI once again. 

When I first started using the 'Net back in the Dark Ages there was no such thing as online dating. There WERE BBSs - Bulletin Board Systems - that served as the predecessors of both dating and social-media sites. Totally text-based, no webcams, no pictures, just writing. You were what you wrote.

I gathered many people into the SifuPhil Cult through those boards. For better or worse I did it using my own personality, but it would have been child's play to create an entirely new "Phil". I just never saw the point. 

That's why I marvel at the popularity of these "Get Any Woman You Want" gurus and their pseudo-scientific advice. Some of these guys make a fortune dispensing juvenile gems such as "Never return her call until 3 days have passed" or "Make believe you aren't interested"; they even go into excruciating detail about the new persona thing I was talking about earlier. That stuff gives me the kind of feeling I get when spiders crawl down my back when I'm sleeping.

Thank Lao Tzu I'm a monk now!


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## That Guy (Jul 19, 2013)

theurbandater said:


> I still love you.



That's all I need . . .


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