# The art of communication



## Mr. Ed (Dec 16, 2020)

Communication is important in all relationships, however, sometimes I'm too busy with my stuff I fail to pickup the verbal and body cues of my wife to understand what she may need from me. 

This morning is a perfect example with the stress of her work, COVID restrictions and a major snowstorm: my wife was less than jovial and all she wanted from me was my presence. So I spent some time with in the kitchen as she prepared food and Voila!  That's all it took. She is happier, and I'm not getting yelled at for everything that is wrong in the world today.


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## Phoenix (Dec 16, 2020)

It's hard to know what to do at all times.  Sometimes a person is misunderstood and not given the benefit of the doubt.  Sometimes explaining makes things worse and the person thinks you are arguing when you are not.  In the process the other person's triggers are unintentionally hit.  Most of my life I've tried hard to be sensitive to the needs of others.  When they then come back and accuse me of something that was a misinterpretation on their part, it can frustrate the crap out of me.  Relationships can be emotionally exhausting.  Yes, sometimes they are good, but sometimes it's better to hug the cat.


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## Pepper (Dec 16, 2020)

Phoenix said:


> sometimes it's better to hug the cat.


Only sometimes?


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## MarciKS (Dec 16, 2020)

Frankly the cat would be my preference. LOL


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## Murrmurr (Dec 16, 2020)

Mr. Ed said:


> Communication is important in all relationships, however, sometimes I'm too busy with my stuff I fail to pickup the verbal and body cues of my wife to understand what she may need from me.
> 
> This morning is a perfect example with the stress of her work, COVID restrictions and a major snowstorm: my wife was less than jovial and all she wanted from me was my presence. So I spent some time with in the kitchen as she prepared food and Voila!  That's all it took. She is happier, and I'm not getting yelled at for everything that is wrong in the world today.


I guess that's why they say marriage is work. Looking at the statistics, most people don't have the stamina.


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## MarciKS (Dec 16, 2020)

It's hard to find a relationship that sticks these days.


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## Murrmurr (Dec 16, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> It's hard to find a relationship that sticks these days.


You are singin' to the choir, sister.


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## Kathleen’s Place (Dec 16, 2020)

Phoenix said:


> It's hard to know what to do at all times.  Sometimes a person is misunderstood and not given the benefit of the doubt.  Sometimes explaining makes things worse and the person thinks you are arguing when you are not.  In the process the other person's triggers are unintentionally hit.  Most of my life I've tried hard to be sensitive to the needs of others.  When they then come back and accuse me of something that was a misinterpretation on their part, it can frustrate the crap out of me.  Relationships can be emotionally exhausting.  Yes, sometimes they are good, but sometimes it's better to hug the cat.


Gotta agree with you there, Phoenix!


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## Lara (Dec 16, 2020)

Listening without being defensive is helpful and takes mindful practice.


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## Jules (Dec 16, 2020)

We’re all so different, it’s hard for people to read the signs or hear what is being said.

Anyone else in the kitchen with me, I’d be unhappy.  DH feels the same when he’s cleaning up.  At least we know that about each other.


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## Mr. Ed (Dec 16, 2020)

Under stress or is it duress that sparks our triggers. I'm a low-key type of personally which means when I lash out it is usually because I'm up to my yahoo with stuff and I have to let it out or burst. But things have to get real serious before I implode/explode


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## Murrmurr (Dec 16, 2020)

Mr. Ed said:


> Under stress or is it duress that sparks our triggers. I'm a low-key type of personally which means when I lash out it is usually because I'm up to my yahoo with stuff and I have to let it out or burst. But things have to get real serious before I implode/explode


That's me too. What sparks my trigger is too much stuff going on in my immediate vicinity. My sister can set me off in minutes when she comes to visit. She talks non-stop and she's high-strung so everything she says sounds really urgent or alarming. And she gets upset when I start cleaning something (like washing the dishes) while she talks (and talks) but I do it to kind of tune her out a bit. Or because it calms me, more like it.


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## MarciKS (Dec 16, 2020)

I'm usually wound up like an 8 day clock anyway because of my GAD but people make it worse. Especially when they don't communicate properly.


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## MarciKS (Dec 16, 2020)

People can't read other people's minds. If you think you've been insulted or someone's mad why can't we be open to just say hey...what's up with the attitude and get a decent answer.


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## Knight (Dec 16, 2020)

Mr. Ed said:


> Communication is important in all relationships, however, sometimes I'm too busy with my stuff I fail to pickup the verbal and body cues of my wife to understand what she may need from me.
> 
> This morning is a perfect example with the stress of her work, COVID restrictions and a major snowstorm: my wife was less than jovial and all she wanted from me was my presence. So I spent some time with in the kitchen as she prepared food and Voila!  That's all it took. She is happier, and I'm not getting yelled at for everything that is wrong in the world today.


Did you ask her what was wrong because you sensed her mood or did she offer what she needed?


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## Phoenix (Dec 16, 2020)

Lara said:


> Listening without being defensive is helpful and takes mindful practice.


I used to do that a lot when I was shy.


Mr. Ed said:


> Under stress or is it duress that sparks our triggers. I'm a low-key type of personally which means when I lash out it is usually because I'm up to my yahoo with stuff and I have to let it out or burst. But things have to get real serious before I implode/explode


"Beware of the fury of a patient man."


MarciKS said:


> People can't read other people's minds. If you think you've been insulted or someone's mad why can't we be open to just say hey...what's up with the attitude and get a decent answer.


That often backfires.


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## MarciKS (Dec 16, 2020)

Phoenix said:


> I used to do that a lot when I was shy.
> 
> "Beware of the fury of a patient man."
> 
> That often backfires.


Yes but it wouldn't have to if people would learn to communicate with each other instead of texting.


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## Autumn (Dec 16, 2020)

Pepper said:


> Only sometimes?



As far as I'm concerned, ALL the time.  I CAN read her mind.  She wants tuna and love, in that order...


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