# where is AZ Jim?



## moviequeen1 (Nov 30, 2019)

Where is AZ Jim,?I haven't seen him posting here in a few weeks
I hope he is alright,keeping him in my nightly prayers,does anybody know ? Sue


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## Keesha (Nov 30, 2019)

I haven’t seen him in a couple of weeks at least. 
hopefully he’s ok.


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## Aunt Bea (Nov 30, 2019)

I've been wondering about Jim.

Also Trade and Ruthanne.


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## Kaila (Nov 30, 2019)

We are thinking of you @AZ Jim  !  Hope you are alright!

(Hasn't been on in nearly a month )

About Ruthanne, I thought,  she takes some breaks and does other things at times.


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## Ken N Tx (Nov 30, 2019)

Aunt Bea said:


> Ruthanne.


Posted this Nov 23rd.
.


Ruthanne said:


> _If I were not seen around my apt. building for awhile I believe the manager would check on me but not sure.  I guess it's a good idea to have contact with someone who would check on me.  Something I must look into._


.
Trade was also posting Nov 23rd..


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## Gary O' (Nov 30, 2019)

Keesha said:


> I haven’t seen him in a couple of weeks at least.


Since Nov 3

not good


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## Mike (Nov 30, 2019)

I wrote a PM to Jim a couple of weeks ago, so did
Hollydolly before me, we didn't get a reply, I don't
know his surname to do any more checking.

Maybe he is away on a cruise or something, the last
time I looked, he was last here on the 3rd November.

Mike.


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## hollydolly (Nov 30, 2019)

I know his surname, and was able to find contact details for him. I contacted and left a message, but I haven;t had a reply . I feel sure he's possibly been hospitalised again, as he was earlier in the year ..because he really wasn't very well when he was last posting.  I remember just before halloween he  made a comment that if he had any trick or treaters he wouldn't be physically able to even get to the door to answer..


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## Meanderer (Nov 30, 2019)

I thought he said he was leaving, after the format change?


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## hollydolly (Nov 30, 2019)

Meanderer said:


> I thought he was leaving, after the format change?


 No he took a minute to  get with the program, but he was fine after a little hiatus, and even tried to encourage others who were struggling with the new format...but  he was desperately missing his wife, and he was struggling with his breathing (COPD),  which is  why I feel he may be hospitalised again.


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## Meanderer (Nov 30, 2019)

Thanks, Holly...will be praying for ol' Jim.


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## SeaBreeze (Nov 30, 2019)

The format change had nothing to do with Jim, he posted after that with no problems. I sent him a private message on November 13th, around ten days since his last post, he never replied back.  He's had a lot of health issues over the past few years, and was still grieving over the loss of his dear wife Detta.  I think he may be in the hospital and not able to post, or maybe is just at a point where he doesn't want to participate in any online forums.

Regardless, he is a good person and I've missed him here.  I hope to see him checking in again even with a short post letting us know how he's doing.  I truly hope he's okay.


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## Catlady (Nov 30, 2019)

I noticed he was missing and wanted to ask, but after some posters got upset when people were asking why was Ruthanne missing, I didn't dare ask.  He was very depressed, said he didn't even want to bother cooking.  I was worried about him.


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## hollydolly (Nov 30, 2019)

Catlady said:


> *I noticed he was missing and wanted to ask, but after some posters got upset when people were asking why was Ruthanne missing, I didn't dare ask*.


 Exactly , which is precisely why I didn't make any mention of my concern about Jim publicly on the forum, after I was jumped on by certain posters  for asking abour Ruthanne, when she'd been poorly and then absent for a while and I was concerned about her, so this time, Mike  , Ken and I voiced our concerns over Jim, privately.. and did our best to contact him to see if all was well.


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## SeaBreeze (Nov 30, 2019)

hollydolly said:


> Exactly , which is precisely why I didn't make any mention of my concern about Jim publicly on the forum, after I was jumped on by certain posters  for asking abour Ruthanne, when she'd been poorly and then absent for a while and I was concerned about her, so this time, Mike  , Ken and I voiced our concerns over Jim, privately.. and did our best to contact him to see if all was well.


Ken and Marie also contacted me concerned about Jim, I hoped for the best and gave Jim over a week to appear here before I decided to contact him privately.  Unfortunately I've not heard from him.


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## hollydolly (Nov 30, 2019)

SeaBreeze said:


> Ken also contacted me concerned about Jim, I hoped for the best and gave Jim over a week to appear here before I decided to contact him privately.  Unfortunately I've not heard from him.


 Yes me too, waited  a couple of weeks after he last posted , but like you, heard nothing..


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## Ruthanne (Nov 30, 2019)

Aunt Bea said:


> I've been wondering about Jim.
> 
> Also Trade and Ruthanne.


I'm here @Aunt Bea just was doing some hibernating and less forum time.  I, too, was wondering about AZ Jim.  I know he's been having a very hard time of it after losing his wife.


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## Wren (Dec 1, 2019)

Poor Jim, I hope he is alright, he misses his wife so badly and Christmas without your  loved one is really hard....


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## Keesha (Dec 1, 2019)

Aunt Bea said:


> I've been wondering about Jim.
> 
> Also Trade and Ruthanne.


Trade is having  wrist problems so has tapered off posting for a while and Ruthanne comes and goes freely. Edit: just saw her post above 

I sure hope Jim is ok


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## terry123 (Dec 1, 2019)

Hope he is good too!


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## Ken N Tx (Dec 1, 2019)

Meanderer said:


> I thought he said he was leaving, after the format change?


You may be thinking about Falcon..



SeaBreeze said:


> Ken also contacted me concerned about Jim, I hoped for the best and gave Jim over a week to appear here before I decided to contact him privately.  Unfortunately I've not heard from him.


I feel that if he would be on his computer to get an e mail he surely would visit SF..


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## Meanderer (Dec 1, 2019)

Ken N Tx said:


> You may be thinking about Falcon..


No, I meant Jim.


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## toffee (Dec 1, 2019)

JIM WHERE ARE U MAN ''''''


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## Catlady (Dec 1, 2019)

I've never done it myself, but a friend of mine did it to me.  She called the police and asked them to do a welfare check on me because my phone was off the hook and she thought something bad happened to me.  My cat had knocked the receiver off just enough and I didn't realize it.  Maybe someone here who knows Jim's surname can ask the police in Superior to check on him?  Just a suggestion.


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## hollydolly (Dec 1, 2019)

Catlady said:


> I've never done it myself, but a friend of mine did it to me.  She called the police and asked them to do a welfare check on me because my phone was off the hook and she thought something bad happened to me.  My cat had knocked the receiver off just enough and I didn't realize it.  Maybe someone here who knows Jim's surname can ask the police in Superior to check on him?  Just a suggestion.


 It's  tempting, but there's really only just so far  we can go as ''strangers' on the internet when dealing with people's privates lives.
 I'd be happy if someone did it for me if I suddenly disappeared .. but not everyone would,.  I feel that some people would be horrified at the thought that random people could track them down regardless of the circumstances.

I feel ok with contacting Jim, because we've been friends for many years.. even before_ this_ forum, but only online, I kinda feel I would be stepping over a line by contacting authorities to check on him.


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## Catlady (Dec 1, 2019)

hollydolly said:


> It's  tempting, but there's really only just so far  we can go as ''strangers' on the internet when dealing with people's privates lives.
> I'd be happy if someone did it for me if I suddenly disappeared .. but not everyone would,.  I feel that some people would be horrified at the thought that random people could track them down regardless of the circumstances.
> 
> I feel ok with contacting Jim, because we've been friends for many years.. even before_ this_ forum, but only online, I kinda feel I would be stepping over a line by contacting authorities to check on him.


It was just a suggestion.   He was so depressed lately about his late wife and his physical ailments that I have a bad feeling about him.  Hopefully, he is ''just in the hospital'' recuperating from a fall with his bad knees or something.   I know with my friend, I was kind of annoyed and embarrassed that she called the cops, and yet I felt love for her because she cared enough to worry about me.  You never know how people will react.  Let's just wait and hope he's okay.


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## Sunny (Dec 1, 2019)

This is a major failing when it comes to forums where people become friends (or maybe virtual "friends?") but really have no way of contacting each other outside of the forum.  We don't know each other's real names, usually don't know exactly where each other live, have no phone numbers, etc. The board managers may have access to email addresses, but that's all.  Makes it very difficult to find out what's up with someone who abruptly disappears, and it's really disturbing when it's a person you care about.

And of course, there is the issue of privacy. There could be situations where the person just doesn't want to be contacted, or "found."  Hard to know when to investigate, and when to just butt out.


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## Pepper (Dec 1, 2019)

I looked up the population of Jim's town.  It is only 2,837.  Surely if his last name is known it would be a cinch to find him.


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## Catlady (Dec 1, 2019)

This is mainly why I have a bad feeling about Jim.  On Oct 16 he wrote a thread where he's desperate for some sleep = "  No sleep last night no matter how I tried.  I cannot go on like this.  Have a good day friends... "

After a few posts about him the thread went off topic as it usually happens on the forum (I'm also guilty of it), and Jim didn't post again on that thread.  I felt sorry for him, he must have felt like chopped-liver (I would).  I'm sure none of the posters, including me, realized how it must have looked to Jim.  

https://www.seniorforums.com/threads/cant-get-any-sleep.43972/


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## Kaila (Dec 1, 2019)

I don't think it would have been the thread going off-topic, having as big an effect,
dear @Catlady
He was having such a difficult time, before that. 
But we could all be more careful, and
I understand the feelings, though.


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## Pepper (Dec 1, 2019)

I see nothing wrong in calling Jim's local newspaper, or even local police, and explain the situation.  In a town of that population most people know, or know of, each other.


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## hollydolly (Dec 1, 2019)

Catlady said:


> This is mainly why I have a bad feeling about Jim.  On Oct 16 he wrote a thread where he's desperate for some sleep = "  No sleep last night no matter how I tried.  I cannot go on like this.  Have a good day friends... "
> 
> After a few posts about him the thread went off topic as it usually happens on the forum (I'm also guilty of it), and Jim didn't post again on that thread.  I felt sorry for him, he must have felt like chopped-liver (I would).  I'm sure none of the posters, including me, realized how it must have looked to Jim.
> 
> https://www.seniorforums.com/threads/cant-get-any-sleep.43972/


Not as bad as it might have looked on the surface  tbh..Jim is in occasional contact with some of us by PM when he is  up to it, and equally a few of us  will drop him a line now and again to ensure he is ok, and particularly when he's  feeling poorly.. and that's how we've come to be the same ones who have tried to contact him since he last posted.


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## Mike (Dec 1, 2019)

Maybe he has won the lottery and
is enjoying a well needed rest.

Mike.


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## Sunny (Dec 1, 2019)

He has sounded seriously depressed to me for a long time now. I think trying to find out where and how he is would be perfectly reasonable in this case. Doesn't always apply to everybody, of course. Sometimes people just abruptly leave.


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## StarSong (Dec 8, 2019)

Another week of no news.  Has anyone heard from @Trade or @AZ Jim?  Their absence is increasingly worrying.


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## Catlady (Dec 8, 2019)

StarSong said:


> Another week of no news.  Has anyone heard from @Trade or @AZ Jim?  Their absence is increasingly worrying.


Someone said that maybe AZJim just taking a break or just quit Senior Forum, but I doubt that, he was a faithful member here.  I hope I'm wrong and he's okay, but he was VERY depressed and in pain.   And funny about Trade, his posting buddy Olivia is also MIA.


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## StarSong (Dec 8, 2019)

Catlady said:


> Someone said that maybe AZJim just taking a break or just quit Senior Forum, but I doubt that, he was a faithful member here.  I hope I'm wrong and he's okay, but he was VERY depressed and in pain.   *And funny about Trade, his posting buddy Olivia is also MIA.*



You're right, CL. She stopped posting just a few days later. Has anybody heard from her?


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## Liberty (Dec 8, 2019)

Pepper said:


> I see nothing wrong in calling Jim's local newspaper, or even local police, and explain the situation.  In a town of that population most people know, or know of, each other.


Has anyone sent him a PM?  I missed him too.  Hopefully he's dealing with these issues the best he can.


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## Ken N Tx (Dec 8, 2019)

Liberty said:


> Has anyone sent him a PM?  I missed him too.  Hopefully he's dealing with these issues the best he can.


Yes, many have..If he is on his computer,he would be on SF also..


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## Liberty (Dec 8, 2019)

We can only hope then, that he will resurface again.  Say a prayer for him.


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## JustBonee (Dec 8, 2019)

Pepper said:


> I looked up the population of Jim's town.  It is only 2,837.  Surely if his last name is known it would be a cinch to find him.



Not a small town at all ... the population of Surprise, AZ is well over 100,000  ..  It's a good size city just out of  the Sun City West area.


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## Liberty (Dec 8, 2019)

Think its sad  when that we become good online friends and then can't get together.


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## hollydolly (Dec 8, 2019)

StarSong said:


> Another week of no news.  Has anyone heard from @Trade or @AZ Jim?  Their absence is increasingly worrying.


* Trade explained he'd got something wrong with his wrists which would make typing very painful and would return when he was better *


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## StarSong (Dec 8, 2019)

hollydolly said:


> * Trade explained he'd got something wrong with his wrists which would make typing very painful and would return when he was better *


Thanks so much for letting me know.


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## Pepper (Dec 8, 2019)

Bonnie said:


> Not a small town at all ... the population of Surprise, AZ is well over 100,000  ..  It's a good size city just out of  the Sun City West area.


Yeah, I must have looked up the wrong town by mistake.


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## Mike (Dec 8, 2019)

I hope that we get some good news soon.

Mike.


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## Butterfly (Dec 8, 2019)

Mike said:


> I hope that we get some good news soon.
> 
> Mike.




I do, too.  I miss him.


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## Catlady (Dec 8, 2019)

Bonnie said:


> Not a small town at all ... the population of Surprise, AZ is well over 100,000  ..  It's a good size city just out of  the Sun City West area.


In Phoenix especially, and even in Tucson, you'll know you're in the next town by a sign at the town limits with the name of the town and population.  It's one city after another.


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## JustBonee (Dec 9, 2019)

Catlady said:


> In Phoenix especially, and even in Tucson, you'll know you're in the next town by a sign at the town limits with the name of the town and population.  It's one city after another.



I know about the population boom in Arizona... I've lived there  (Phoenix) in the past.  ... people keep coming!

And yes,  the burbs keep piling on and running into the city limits everywhere in the country  . ..   Same thing here  in the Houston area.  
And I see the day  Houston and Austin will be conjoined by their surrounding  annexes,   and that's  talking about 150 miles that was once,   not to long ago,      open highway and  country.    


Okay ... off topic!   .... back to Jim  .. please check in  AZ Jim.


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## rgp (Dec 9, 2019)

How long has he been off forum now ?

 I tried contacting a "absent" member of a motorcycle forum a few years back. Going to the local police was no help.....[cold shoulder].


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## CarolfromTX (Dec 9, 2019)

If you really know him, and you are concerned, I don't think you would be out of line to have the local authorities do a welfare check. I called the police to check on my neighbor. The mail had sort of piled up in his box, he didn't answer the door, and things just didn't look right. I called the police. Turns out he was ok, but his hearing was bad, and he was just not willing to get up and answer the door. I'm not sorry I called. If AZ Jim is truly alone in this world, and has no one to check on him, you should contact the authorities, NOW.


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## hollydolly (Dec 9, 2019)

rgp said:


> How long has he been off forum now ?
> 
> I tried contacting a "absent" member of a motorcycle forum a few years back. Going to the local police was no help.....[cold shoulder].


* Since the 3rd of November...5 weeks...*


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## hollydolly (Dec 9, 2019)

CarolfromTX said:


> If you really know him, and you are concerned, I don't think you would be out of line to have the local authorities do a welfare check. I called the police to check on my neighbor. The mail had sort of piled up in his box, he didn't answer the door, and things just didn't look right. I called the police. Turns out he was ok, but his hearing was bad, and he was just not willing to get up and answer the door. I'm not sorry I called. If AZ Jim is truly alone in this world, and has no one to check on him, you should contact the authorities, NOW.


..yes ok...so who does that?...someone who lives close to him, or _anyone_ in the USA ?...someone who has his home address? ..he does have a son, and grandchildren.. but if something has happened to him, I would doubt  his son would think to post on here..

We're _all_ very concerned about him, but some of us are in a completely different country, so perhaps if anyone in the USA who knows how to deal with the authorities in  AZ would feel comfortable doing it, it would be a relief for all of us..


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## rgp (Dec 9, 2019)

hollydolly said:


> ..yes ok...so who does that?...someone who lives close to him, or _anyone_ in the USA ?...someone who has his home address? ..he does have a son, and grandchildren.. but if something has happened to him, I would doubt  his son would think to post on here..
> 
> We're _all_ very concerned about him, but some of us are in a completely different country, so perhaps if anyone in the USA who knows how to deal with the authorities in  AZ would feel comfortable doing it, it would be a relief for all of us..




 When I tried going to the local PD about a similar situation.....They basically said it was none of my business. I asked why, they said well, all you know is his name, and that he lives somewhere here in the village. [about two villages, ten miles from here] They gave me the "once over" . Name , address, show them MY I.D. etc. I know that the cop that followed me out, also copied my tag number as I left the lot.

 Good news.... he contacted me,as it turned out, he had met a woman on-line....and was moving out of state, to be with her . He just didn't want _everyone_ knowing his business.


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## Sunny (Dec 9, 2019)

It's a delicate balance, between respecting someone's privacy, and caring about them.  In this case, he has been talking about being severely depressed since the death of his wife, and I think we would be justified in trying to find out what happened.  But how to do it remains a mystery.

This is an Internet-age problem that has probably never come up before. We do know a lot about the regulars on these forums, at least what they choose to say about themselves. But we don't really have any way of reaching each other.


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## rgp (Dec 9, 2019)

So do we know enough about him to even look? Real name, last name , city that he does live in , etc.


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## JustBonee (Dec 9, 2019)

rgp said:


> When I tried going to the local PD about a similar situation.....They basically said it was none of my business. I asked why, they said well, all you know is his name, and that he lives somewhere here in the village. [about two villages, ten miles from here] They gave me the "once over" . Name , address, show them MY I.D. etc. I know that the cop that followed me out, also copied my tag number as I left the lot.



I imagine that is how any search would go these days,  if you aren't a close relative.  ...   Being 'close friends' with someone for years on the Internet doesn't hold much water in the eyes of the law.  
You would end up  being  the one  interigated..


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## RadishRose (Dec 9, 2019)

Sorry, but I think if Jim wanted to tell us anything he would have. If he hadn't had the time to do so, that's our problem to resolve for ourselves.

Once I felt differently, but I've changed my thinking. I don't believe there is any justification in chasing him down.   Just hope for the best and move on. JMO


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## rgp (Dec 9, 2019)

RadishRose said:


> Sorry, but I think if Jim wanted to tell us anything he would have. If he hadn't had the time to do so, that's our problem to resolve for ourselves.
> 
> Once I felt differently, but I've changed my thinking. I don't believe there is any justification in chasing him down.   Just hope for the best and move on. JMO




  I agree.


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## toffee (Dec 9, 2019)

something is wrong - been a while now ...


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## Liberty (Dec 9, 2019)

RadishRose said:


> Sorry, but I think if Jim wanted to tell us anything he would have. If he hadn't had the time to do so, that's our problem to resolve for ourselves.
> 
> Once I felt differently, but I've changed my thinking. I don't believe there is any justification in chasing him down.   Just hope for the best and move on. JMO


And doesn't he live in a mobile home park?  Vaguely I remember him saying something about where he lives, didn't he?  Would assume if he has neighbors near by someone would have thought to check on him?


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## Sunny (Dec 9, 2019)

Somehow, this sad old song popped into my head. It's A Most Peculiar Man, by Simon and Garfunkle.

He was a most peculiar man.
That's what Mrs. Riordan said and she should know;
She lived upstairs from him
She said he was a most peculiar man.
He was a most peculiar man.
He lived all alone within a house,
Within a room, within himself,
A most peculiar man.
He had no friends, he seldom spoke
And no one in turn ever spoke to him,
'Cause he wasn't friendly and he didn't care
And he wasn't like them.
Oh, no! he was a most peculiar man.
He died last Saturday.
He turned on the gas and he went to sleep
With the windows closed so he'd never wake up
To his silent world and his tiny room;
And Mrs. Riordan says he has a brother somewhere
Who should be notified soon.
And all the people said, "What a shame that he's dead,
But wasn't he a most peculiar man?"


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## Sunny (Dec 9, 2019)

Of course, he could simply be away on a trip.


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## peppermint (Dec 9, 2019)

RadishRose said:


> Sorry, but I think if Jim wanted to tell us anything he would have. If he hadn't had the time to do so, that's our problem to resolve for ourselves.
> 
> Once I felt differently, but I've changed my thinking. I don't believe there is any justification in chasing him down.   Just hope for the best and move on. JMO


I agree, RadishRose....I am in another Forum...Many people have moved on....Mostly because of face book....I too, hope for the best.....


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## StarSong (Dec 9, 2019)

peppermint said:


> I agree, RadishRose....I am in another Forum...Many people have moved on....Mostly because of face book....I too, hope for the best.....


I'm soooo over FaceBook.  I keep my account alive but have gotten to the point of only looking at it about once a week  My last posting was before Halloween.


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## hollydolly (Dec 9, 2019)

Sunny said:


> Of course, he could simply be away on a trip.


 I doubt that..he was very poorly last time he spoke. he was not only depressed , he was suffering from COPD,   and he said at Halloween  that if anyone knocked on his door, he wouldn't be capable of walking to the door..


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## hollydolly (Dec 9, 2019)

Liberty said:


> And doesn't he live in a mobile home park?  Vaguely I remember him saying something about where he lives, didn't he?  Would assume if he has neighbors near by someone would have thought to check on him?


 NO, that's Pappy... Jim lived in an aparment I think I remember him once talking about a neighbour down the hallway...


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## RadishRose (Dec 9, 2019)

hollydolly said:


> NO, that's Pappy... Jim lived in an aparment I think I remember him once talking about a neighbour down the hallway...


I think that was a guy from another forum @hollydolly , with the apartment. I remember Jim talking about his birdbaths... I could be wrong.

Also Jim did have a lady come in to pick up and make a few meals.


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## hollydolly (Dec 9, 2019)

RadishRose said:


> I think that was a guy from another forum @hollydolly , with the apartment. I remember Jim talking about his birdbaths... I could be wrong.


 yes you're  possibly right  RR...but I know Jim wasn't living in a mobile home...


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## Catlady (Dec 9, 2019)

I'm going to be less active on SF from now on because I've been spending too much time here ''debating'' and have been neglecting stuff and not doing my projects, like clearing out the garage and file cabinet and re-organizing a couple of closets.  Am not getting any younger and don't want to punish my daughter having to do it after I'm gone. 

So, don't worry about me (those who might care), but I will do, and hope you guys do it too, write a note for my daughter and leave it in my ''In case of death'' envelope in my little safe to come to SF and post that I am gone.  I will give her log in info and also have a note to contact my pen pal.  This AZ Jim quandary has really bothered me.  Hope he's okay, but he was so depressed that I doubt it.


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## RadishRose (Dec 9, 2019)

hollydolly said:


> yes you're  possibly right  RR...but I know Jim wasn't living in a mobile home...


I agree, I think they had a house.


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## Catlady (Dec 9, 2019)

I'm a wannabe gumshoe, that's why I enjoy watching all the detective shows out there.  I was able to find the contact info for Jim yesterday.  But, I am deaf and cannot call the cops to make a welfare check, when I need to make a phone call I pay my neighbor to do so.  If anyone here is willing to make the call and face the consequences of a _possible _''invasion of privacy'' problem, convo me and I will give you the info in private.  I hope I'm doing the ethical thing.


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## treeguy64 (Dec 9, 2019)

The thing is, even though I was thinking about Jim, this morning, as I was washing dishes, I believe we're all entitled to our privacy. If he's left because he felt the time was right to do so, so be it. 

The preceding being said, I have felt that this forum could come up with a "Checking in" sub-group, wherein those who wish to, could file their personal information with Matrix, including a contact phone number, with a directive to ring them up if they're not posting within X number of days. 

Rest assured, I understand that a formalized system like what I just described, would be a logistics nightmare for Matrix, and could easily get into heavy liability issues, so I know it won't actually fly. Even so, an informal system, among ourselves, might be a good thing.


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## Catlady (Dec 9, 2019)

treeguy64 said:


> The thing is, even though I was thinking about Jim, this morning, as I was washing dishes, I believe we're all entitled to our privacy. If he's left because he felt the time was right to do so, so be it.
> 
> The preceding being said, I have felt that this forum could come up with a "Checking in" sub-group, wherein those who wish to, could file their personal information with Matrix, including a contact phone number, with a directive to ring them up if they're not posting within X number of days.
> 
> Rest assured, I understand that a formalized system like what I just described, would be a logistics nightmare for Matrix, and could easily get into heavy liability issues, so I know it won't actually fly. Even so, an informal system, among ourselves, might be a good thing.


I agree with everything you said @treeguy64 , that's why I call it a quandary.  You're damned if you care and damned if you, the horrors, ''invade someone's privacy''.  As to how to find out without getting anybody in trouble, including Matrix, the best way would be for Matrix to have permission to contact a relative with the express permission of the member to do it and after how long.  I don't know if Matrix would be willing to do that, but he's the most logical candidate since he runs the forum.  I doubt that we old foggies would be dying en masse, so it shouldn't be that big of a chore.  I, myself, plan to leave a note in my "In case of death'' envelope, which I instructed my daughter to check before doing anything else.


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## Gary O' (Dec 9, 2019)

treeguy64 said:


> I have felt that this forum could come up with a "Checking in" sub-group


Or a buddy of whom one has confidence


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## C'est Moi (Dec 9, 2019)

Catlady said:


> I'm a wannabe gumshoe, that's why I enjoy watching all the detective shows out there.  I was able to find the contact info for Jim yesterday.  But, I am deaf and cannot call the cops to make a welfare check, when I need to make a phone call I pay my neighbor to do so.  If anyone here is willing to make the call and face the consequences of a _possible _''invasion of privacy'' problem, convo me and I will give you the info in private.  I hope I'm doing the ethical thing.


I don't believe anyone should be trying to call him, but if you have his information maybe do a google search of obituaries in his area.   I know that sounds morbid, but at least we'd know if he was on permanent leave.   (And I sincerely hope not.)   He has been hospitalized in the recent past so it may be that he is simply too ill to participate for a while.  

@AZ Jim --if you're out there, we're thinking of you.  Check in when you can.


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## Liberty (Dec 9, 2019)

Yes, at this point we are "assuming" he'd check in if he could.  Maybe he doesn't want to be bothered at this time, if he's not in the best of mental and/ or physical shape.  Maybe he just wants to be left alone.  Thinking we should ask each other how we feel about being "checked up on". Some of us have spouses and close friends and relatives, others do not.  We still don't know if he had someone come in from time to time, like the lady that brought him meals?  If so, he's already being checked up on.  Thats why we have personas on the forum, right? For privacy's sake?


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## Catlady (Dec 9, 2019)

C'est Moi said:


> I don't believe anyone should be trying to call him, but if you have his information maybe do a g*oogle search of obituaries in his area*.   I know that sounds morbid, but at least we'd know if he was on permanent leave.   (And I sincerely hope not.)   He has been hospitalized in the recent past so it may be that he is simply too ill to participate for a while.



GREAT idea, @C'est Moi , this wannabe detective didn't even think of it.  LOL  I searched for him and no results, but I also checked for his wife and no results for her either.  I did find out HER sister died in July, 2012.  I only do free searches, don't bother paying for paid websites.  So, back to square one.


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## Pepper (Dec 9, 2019)

Maybe instead of Catlady you should have changed your name to Nancy Drew?


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## hollydolly (Dec 9, 2019)

*****Update**** on Jim... 

I have been reliably informed by a mutual friend who is a member of several of the same forums as  me  , that Jim posted on a political forum  that he was entering a hospice, and would no longer be online.

So it looks like he's in hospital after all, and hopefully still alive, but things must be bad for him to be in Hospice care.. *


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## Pepper (Dec 9, 2019)

(((Holly)))
I knew you would follow through and find out.  You are loyal, a grand quality.


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## win231 (Dec 9, 2019)

hollydolly said:


> *****Update**** on Jim...
> 
> I have been reliably informed by a mutual friend who is a member of several of the same forums as  me  , that Jim posted on a political forum  that he was entering a hospice, and would no longer be online.
> 
> So it looks like he's in hospital after all, and hopefully still alive, but things must be bad for him to be in Hospice care.. *


That's as good as we can expect.  At least he'll be comfortable; what else can we ask for?


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## Floridatennisplayer (Dec 9, 2019)

So sorry to hear this.


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## Aunt Bea (Dec 9, 2019)

I'm glad to hear that Jim is in good hands and is being cared for.

Please,  Don't take this the wrong way but if I ever turn up missing just let me go and remember the good times that we've all shared here at SF.


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## treeguy64 (Dec 9, 2019)

Very sorry to hear about Jim, but I was expecting it. 

In my will, I have explicit instructions that absolutely no obit ever appear for me. I'll be quietly shipped to a pre-selected med school, and life will go on, as it will, without me. That's it.....


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## treeguy64 (Dec 9, 2019)

Floridatennisplayer said:


> So sorry to hear this.


"New Member?" Surgery "downstairs?"


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## win231 (Dec 9, 2019)

treeguy64 said:


> In my will, I have explicit instructions that absolutely no obit ever appear for me. I'll be quietly shipped to a pre-selected med school, and life will go on, as it will, without me. That's it.....


Something interesting I learned about donating your body to science when I worked in retail firearms & instruction:  A familiar face walked into the store:  Dr. Thomas Nogouchi, who was the L.A. County coroner at the time.  He wanted a recommendation for a 9mm pistol & he needed me to show him how to disassemble & reassemble it.  I asked him if it was a house gun.  He explained that it wasn't; it was for "testing;" shooting deceased people to perfect the technique of making plaster casts of wound channels to use in forensic investigation & court trials - studying different angles to prove or disprove a suspect's version of what happened.  Dr. Nogouchi perfected a similar technique for stab wounds.
So.....if you donate your body to science, it may be used for medical training or something else.


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## Floridatennisplayer (Dec 9, 2019)

treeguy64 said:


> "New Member?" Surgery "downstairs?"


Don’t know why it now says ...new member? Been here 3 years.  What does surgery downstairs mean?


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## treeguy64 (Dec 9, 2019)

win231 said:


> Something interesting I learned about donating your body to science when I worked in retail firearms & instruction:  A familiar face walked into the store:  Dr. Thomas Nogouchi, who was the L.A. County coroner at the time.  He wanted a recommendation for a 9mm pistol & he needed me to show him how to disassemble & reassemble it.  I asked him if it was a house gun.  He explained that it wasn't; it was for "testing;" shooting deceased people to perfect the technique of making plaster casts of wound channels to use in forensic investigation & court trials - studying different angles to prove or disprove a suspect's version of what happened.  Dr. Nogouchi perfected a similar technique for stab wounds.
> So.....if you donate your body to science, it may be used for medical training or something else.


No, I have the med school specifically named in my will, not that I'll care if my dead body is blown to smithereens.


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## treeguy64 (Dec 9, 2019)

Floridatennisplayer said:


> Don’t know why it now says ...new member? Been here 3 years.  What does surgery downstairs mean?


You're a smart guy, you'll figure it out: New....... "MEMBER"..........


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## Floridatennisplayer (Dec 9, 2019)

treeguy64 said:


> You're a smart guy, you'll figure it out: New....... "MEMBER"..........


Ha!!!!!


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## Butterfly (Dec 10, 2019)

I am so sorry to hear this about AZJim, but at least he is being taken care of.   

I liked him and will miss him.


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## Ken N Tx (Dec 10, 2019)

@hollydolly  thank you for the heads up...


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## Liberty (Dec 10, 2019)

Ken N Tx said:


> @hollydolly  thank you for the heads up...


Yes, Holly...good do know he's getting end of life care in the hospice.  God bless him!


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## Pappy (Dec 10, 2019)

Am going to miss Jim very much. We had been online friends for a long time.  ☹


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## Liberty (Dec 10, 2019)

So many times you hear of one spouse grieving the deceased spouse, losing the will to live  and  following them to the other side.  Especially couples that have been married for 50 years or more.  Nursing home workers speak of those that pass even within days of each other.


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## Mike (Dec 10, 2019)

I am pleased that you found Jim, hollydolly, but I am a bit
sad to hear where he is.

Mike.


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## SeaBreeze (Dec 10, 2019)

Liberty said:


> Yes, at this point we are "assuming" he'd check in if he could. Maybe he doesn't want to be bothered at this time, if he's not in the best of mental and/ or physical shape. Maybe he just wants to be left alone. Thinking we should ask each other how we feel about being "checked up on". Some of us have spouses and close friends and relatives, others do not. We still don't know if he had someone come in from time to time, like the lady that brought him meals? If so, he's already being checked up on. Thats why we have personas on the forum, right? For privacy's sake?



I agree with you Liberty.  Although some of us enjoy an online 'family', we also want our privacy in times of mourning or poor health.  I would want to be left alone and wouldn't appreciate anyone trying to research my personal information or call the authorities to check on me.  Most folks have someone they are in contact with, even if just a neighbor.  If someone felt vulnerable and needed someone here to stay in contact with toward the end of their life, or if in mourning, they could always make a mutual arrangement for that with another member here privately.



hollydolly said:


> *****Update**** on Jim...
> 
> I have been reliably informed by a mutual friend who is a member of several of the same forums as  me  , that Jim posted on a political forum  that he was entering a hospice, and would no longer be online.
> 
> So it looks like he's in hospital after all, and hopefully still alive, but things must be bad for him to be in Hospice care.. *



Thanks so much Holly for letting us know about Jim, so sorry to hear he is in hospice.  He is a good person, and I'll miss seeing him here very much.  



Aunt Bea said:


> Please, Don't take this the wrong way but if I ever turn up missing just let me go and remember the good times that we've all shared here at SF.



That's the way I feel Bea, If I am no longer posting here, just let me go.  If I was capable and wanted to, I would go to the computer.  I hope you're around for a long, long time Bea, I've always enjoyed your posts, humor and kindness.


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## RadishRose (Dec 10, 2019)

I agree with SB and Lib.


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## hollydolly (Dec 10, 2019)

Seabreeze , @Matrix and everyone  i"m sorry to have been the one to have imparted such sad news..  , we can only hope he's not in pain, and being looked after very well.


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## SeaBreeze (Dec 10, 2019)

hollydolly said:


> Seabreeze , @Matrix and everyone  i"m sorry to have been the one to have imparted such sad news..  , we can only hope he's not in pain, and being looked after very well.


No need to apologize Holly, I for one appreciate that you let us know about what was going on with Jim.    I too hope they're taking good care of him and hope his family is visiting him in hospice.


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## win231 (Dec 10, 2019)

Liberty said:


> So many times you hear of one spouse grieving the deceased spouse, losing the will to live  and  following them to the other side.  Especially couples that have been married for 50 years or more.  Nursing home workers speak of those that pass even within days of each other.


I don't happen to agree with that reasoning.  That makes it sound like the surviving spouse died because they "didn't care about living anymore."  More likely, they died because they were close in age, along with the health problems that come with age.  Unless someone committed suicide, they died because it was their time.


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## Catlady (Dec 10, 2019)

SeaBreeze said:


> Although some of us enjoy an online 'family', we also want our privacy in times of mourning or poor health.  I would want to be left alone and wouldn't appreciate anyone trying to research my personal information or call the authorities to check on me.
> 
> That's the way I feel Bea, If I am no longer posting here, just let me go.  If I was capable and wanted to, I would go to the computer.  I hope you're around for a long, long time Bea, I've always enjoyed your posts, humor and kindness.



I apologize for getting carried away being the forum ''detective'', I am embarrassed by my snooping.   I promise I will mind my own business from now on.  I have also thrown away my note to my daughter to inform the forum of my future passing.  As most of you seem to feel,  _"If I am no longer posting here, just let me go"_. Seems to me like a very good plan.


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## hollydolly (Dec 10, 2019)

win231 said:


> I don't happen to agree with that reasoning.  That makes it sound like the surviving spouse died because they "didn't care about living anymore."  More likely, they died because they were close in age, along with the health problems that come with age.  Unless someone committed suicide, they died because it was their time.


 Potentially,... but in Jims' particular circumstance, it was fact.  He actually said it on several occasions that he wished  he was still with his wife, and couldn't wait to join her. I feel he was not only unwell physically as she had been also,  , but the depression that descended on him after she died was so bad, he lost the will to live...


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## Marie5656 (Dec 10, 2019)

@Catlady I am sorry you feel we would not care if you suddenly disappeared.  I have belonged to several forums over the years where longtime members have passed away, and the forum members welcomed being informed of their passing.  Especially in a couple cases where forum members followed, sadly, their journey through their final illnesses.  It made for good closure for the members.

I, personally, do not mind your detective status.  Many of us have become quite attached to our online friends, and do miss them when they are no longer around, or go missing.  It is your decision if you want someone to let the forum know if you pass on. But I hope you reconsider if that is important to you.

@hollydolly  if you happen to hear anything more on Jim through your online connections, I hope you will feel comfortable to share with us.


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## SeaBreeze (Dec 10, 2019)

Catlady said:


> I apologize for getting carried away being the forum ''detective'', I am embarrassed by my snooping.   I promise I will mind my own business from now on.  I have also thrown away my note to my daughter to inform the forum of my future passing.  As most of you seem to feel,  _"If I am no longer posting here, just let me go"_. Seems to me like a very good plan.


I don't think you were carried away at all Catlady, a lot of people feel like you do, I was just expressing my personal thoughts on it.  If I felt I was not going to be around anymore, I would consider giving my husband my password and having him log in to inform everyone that I passed on.  In my case honestly, he might eventually grant my wish for that, but he would definitely be devastated and in mourning for a long time afterward and likely never get around to doing it.


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## SeaBreeze (Dec 10, 2019)

hollydolly said:


> Potentially,... but in Jims' particular circumstance, it was fact.  He actually said it on several occasions that he wished  he was still with his wife, and couldn't wait to join her. I feel he was not only unwell physically as she had been also,  , but the depression that descended on him after she died was so bad, he lost the will to live...


My inlaws passed within three weeks of each other, they were both elderly and in very poor health.  I agree that in many cases, depending on their health and state of mind when their spouse was living, they may very well lose the will to go on alone.  Our physical health depends a great deal on our mental health also, one can have very negative effects on the other.  They do 'die of a broken heart' to some degree, but physical condition has a lot to do with it in general.


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## Liberty (Dec 10, 2019)

SeaBreeze said:


> My inlaws passed within three weeks of each other, they were both elderly and in very poor health.  I agree that in many cases, depending on their health and state of mind when their spouse was living, they may very well lose the will to go on alone.  Our physical health depends a great deal on our mental health also, one can have very negative effects on the other.  They do 'die of a broken heart' to some degree, but physical condition has a lot to do with it in general.


I personally believe that "stress" is present in every illness and the stress of losing a loved one can have a tremendous impact on the human body.  If you decide you don't want to go on without the loved one , that its also your time to move on and send "shut down" messages to your body, it can have the power to affect overall health. 

 Forget what someone dies from, they do die.  Whatever weakness may  be present in their body can be exacerbated. Thoughts are powerful "things".  That has been proven.  There have been studies done on the spousal survival issues.


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## Mike (Dec 10, 2019)

I reckon that Jim has a broken heart.

Mike.


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## Keesha (Dec 10, 2019)

SeaBreeze said:


> My inlaws passed within three weeks of each other, they were both elderly and in very poor health.  I agree that in many cases, depending on their health and state of mind when their spouse was living, they may very well lose the will to go on alone.  Our physical health depends a great deal on our mental health also, one can have very negative effects on the other.  They do 'die of a broken heart' to some degree, but physical condition has a lot to do with it in general.


This happens often. It’s shouldn’t seem surprising.
Love can move mountains. Maybe that’s why the movie ‘Notebook’ was so popular, they died together in their sleep. A romantic and happy ending.


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## Mike (Dec 11, 2019)

One of the journalists in the "Daily Mail", Amanda Platell's parents
died together holding hands, they had been married for 70 years.

I read the story several months ago and it really is very touching,
so it does happen.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/ar...lls-parents-died-hand-hand-minutes-other.html

Mike.


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## Keesha (Dec 11, 2019)

I hope this isn’t considered hijacking Jim’s thread but that was such a beautiful story Mike. Even their family rules were so loving and respectful. What an incredibly loving family. 

We hope you are ok Jim.


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## treeguy64 (Dec 11, 2019)

win231 said:


> I don't happen to agree with that reasoning.  That makes it sound like the surviving spouse died because they "didn't care about living anymore."  More likely, they died because they were close in age, along with the health problems that come with age.  Unless someone committed suicide, they died because it was their time.


While you may not agree with the reasoning presented, it's a phenomenon I've observed, firsthand: My gmil died of a stroke after being married to my gfil for sixty years. He was in good health, active, and intelligent. Within three days of her passing, he manifested terrible symptoms that put him in the hospital. He became late four days later. 

Dying of a broken heart involves great stress from many conditions never experienced before, including profound loneliness and sorrow. Medical literature does, in fact, have articles that reference those who pass within days, or even hours, of each other due to physical symptoms that appear, seemingly out of nowhere, including heart attacks. 

You are, of course, entitled to your opinion, even if it's incorrect, as judged by the evidence that exists. 

Please research "broken heart syndrome" and "complicated grief," online.


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## Ken N Tx (Dec 11, 2019)

Aunt Bea said:


> Also Trade


@Trade was online Monday, but did not post anything...


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## hollydolly (Dec 11, 2019)

Ken N Tx said:


> @Trade was online Monday, but did not post anything...


 Don't get too upset Ken, he's said  his wrists are  too painful to type , so he'll be doing his best to rest them , which is the right thing to do...

*waves* to @Trade  if you're looking in, hope you get better soon..


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## AnnieA (Dec 11, 2019)

Thank you, @hollydolly , for the information.  Prayers for peace and comfort for Jim.


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## Liberty (Dec 11, 2019)

Mike said:


> One of the journalists in the "Daily Mail", Amanda Platell's parents
> died together holding hands, they had been married for 70 years.
> 
> I read the story several months ago and it really is very touching,
> ...


Beautiful and touching story of true love...passed it on to many!  Thanks, Mike for sharing this.  I appreciate it!


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## gennie (Dec 11, 2019)

My mother's brother and his wife ---- 57 yrs married and each almost never left the other's side for last twenty, both elderly and with health problems but still active and enjoying life.  He died early AM from sudden heart attack. 

She was upset but able to begin to do the necessary things required of her during the day.  Went to bed that night and just didn't wake up.  Dr. could find no reason and definitely not a suicide.  She was so looking forward to seeing grandchildren arriving the next day. 

The double funeral a couple days later just seemed 'right' somehow.


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## MarciKS (Jul 17, 2020)

SeaBreeze said:


> I agree with you Liberty.  Although some of us enjoy an online 'family', we also want our privacy in times of mourning or poor health.  *I would want to be left alone and wouldn't appreciate anyone trying to research my personal information or call the authorities to check on me.*  Most folks have someone they are in contact with, even if just a neighbor.  If someone felt vulnerable and needed someone here to stay in contact with toward the end of their life, or if in mourning, they could always make a mutual arrangement for that with another member here privately.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Isn't it nice to at least know someone cares?


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