# My Head Is About to Explode!



## maplebeez (Sep 23, 2016)

My sister wants me to say "Yes," to an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner (already) with her BFF & family, since my grand kids will be out of town & my niece will be on her honeymoon.  First of all, this annoying woman has the ability to make me uncomfortable in my own home. And I stopped accepting her invitations after realizing I had only been invited to be assigned "kitchen duty." I don't want to spend the day listening to her FB gossip, her sons's rude, ignorant remarks....even their cookie baking grandma makes the most hateful comments. And when I try to make conversation with the "boy's" significant others, I get blank stares. I would rather stay home alone & eat a lean cusine, than be in their company. But refusing invitations from BFF, gets my sister so angry, our conversations escalate into arguments, with her saying my refusals are insulting to her friend.  Any advice/suggestions on how to make my sister understand, without arguing, I don't care to be around those people? Thanks.


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## Ruthanne (Sep 23, 2016)

I would tell her I have other plans and leave it at that.


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## Gemma (Sep 23, 2016)

I'd be honest and just say no thanks.  If she gets angry, so be it.  That's her problem, not yours.  She'll get over it.  There is no sense in arguing back and forth with her.  How quickly an argument ceases when the other party refuses to engage in it.


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## debbie in seattle (Sep 23, 2016)

Gemma said:


> I'd be honest and just say no thanks.  If she gets angry, so be it.  That's her problem, not yours.  She'll get over it.  There is no sense in arguing back and forth with her.  How quickly an argument ceases when when the other party refuses to engage in it.



I agree with Gemma 100%


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## Butterfly (Sep 23, 2016)

I HATE it when people try to railroad me into doing something I do not want to do.  Just say no and be firm about it, and do not go.  If sis wants to get mad, that's out of your control.  It's isn't your moral obligation to placate your sister.

I decided after the Christmas before last that I was NEVER going to spend another horrible holiday with people I don't like, and I sincerely meant it.  I'd rather stick a needle in my eye.


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## Ameriscot (Sep 23, 2016)

Ditto, agree with Gemma.


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## Bonzo (Sep 23, 2016)

Yeah ditto I echo what all posters 
have said

tell her how it is and if you don't wanna go
dont go


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## Cookie (Sep 23, 2016)

Agree, just say no and don't go if you don't want to. You don't have to make your sister understand which she obviously does not if she argues and tries to bully you into going, and she's giving her BFF the priority, not thinking about you.  Take care of yourself.


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## maplebeez (Sep 23, 2016)

Butterfly, There's always that Mrs. Stevens line from Bewitched, "I have a sick headache."


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## Buckeye (Sep 23, 2016)

Or just tell them you're coming to my house in Hawaii...  I buy an extra Swanson's Turkey dinner just in case.


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## Carla (Sep 23, 2016)

Butterfly said:


> I HATE it when people try to railroad me into doing something I do not want to do.  Just say no and be firm about it, and do not go.  If sis wants to get mad, that's out of your control.  It's isn't your moral obligation to placate your sister.
> 
> I decided after the Christmas before last that I was NEVER going to spend another horrible holiday with people I don't like, and I sincerely meant it.  I'd rather stick a needle in my eye.



Have to agree with everyone. I'd rather be alone too then spend it with someone I find annoying. No needles in the eye for me!


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## SeaBreeze (Sep 23, 2016)

Saying no is hard Maplebeez, but you need to "just do it!"....life is too short, especially at our age, to do things just to please others that bring us grief.  Your refusals are insulting to her friend, but what about how YOU feel?


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## bluebreezes (Sep 23, 2016)

It's your life, and it's OK to say no thanks (like everyone else has said). I avoided some family holidays for years by saying I had other plans, going to friends' houses, etc. even if that wasn't always true. I can't tell you how many times I went to movies and maybe a walk on the beach (yes, in winter) instead on those holidays. Then my sister figured it out and asked if she could come too. It was our great secret. Sanity was preserved!


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## Shalimar (Sep 23, 2016)

Put your needs first, you deserve it! Arguing with bullies is futile, they see no one's opinion but their own. Take care of you. Need support? We will give it to you. Huge hugs.


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## Butterfly (Sep 24, 2016)

maplebeez said:


> My sister wants me to say "Yes," to an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner (already) with her BFF & family, since my grand kids will be out of town & my niece will be on her honeymoon.  First of all, this annoying woman has the ability to make me uncomfortable in my own home. And I stopped accepting her invitations after realizing I had only been invited to be assigned "kitchen duty." I don't want to spend the day listening to her FB gossip, her sons's rude, ignorant remarks....even their cookie baking grandma makes the most hateful comments. And when I try to make conversation with the "boy's" significant others, I get blank stares. I would rather stay home alone & eat a lean cusine, than be in their company. But refusing invitations from BFF, gets my sister so angry, our conversations escalate into arguments, with *her saying my refusals are insulting to her friend*.  Any advice/suggestions on how to make my sister understand, without arguing, I don't care to be around those people? Thanks.



Well, I'd say that trying to bully you into going, knowing that you don't want to, is insulting to YOU, and says that your feelings are not as important as her friend's.  Besides which, it sounds like her friend isn't very concerned about your feelings, either, if she allows her family to treat you like that.


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## Myquest55 (Sep 24, 2016)

Maplebeez - if you are anywhere near SE Tennessee, you can join me!  Husband and son (who lives nearby) both have to work through the holiday weekend.  [Isn't is amazing to think that people still expect services like electricity and health care on a holiday??  (just kidding)] 

 I told the rest of them not to battle the traffic and stay put.  So, not sure when we'll have the celebratory dinner.  Over the years it has happened many times on days other than Thursday that week.  Some of the area restaurants put on a spread - have even done that once or twice.  Nice not to have to clean up but there are no left overs....


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