# You Know You're Getting Old When.....



## SeaBreeze (Nov 11, 2015)

*You Know You're Getting Old When...*



- When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

- When your doctor doesn't give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.

- When you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.



- When you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

- You and your teeth don't sleep together.

- Your back goes out, but you stay home.



- You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.

- It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

- Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.



- Happy hour is a nap.

- When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure that the street is still there.

- Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.



- It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

- Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.

- The pharmacist has become you new best friend.



- It takes twice as long to look half as good.

- The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.

- You look for your glasses for a half an hour, and then find that they were on your head all the time.



- You get two invitations to go out on the same night, and you pick the one that gets you home the earliest.

- You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.

- You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.



- Let's face it, traveling just isn't as much fun when all the historical sites are younger than you are.

- You're suffering from Mallzheimer's disease. You go to the mall and forget where you parked your car.

- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.



- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

- Things you buy now won't wear out.



- No one expects you to run into a burning building.

- There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

- Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.



- In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

- Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

- Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."



- It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

- You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."

- You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.



- You look both ways before crossing a room.

- You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.

- You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.



- You realize that a stamp today costs more than a picture show did when you were growing up.

- Your childhood toys are now in a museum.

- Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.



- The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... come back in style.

- All of your favorite movies are now re-released in color.

- The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.



- You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

- Your back goes out more than you do. 

- You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. 



- You sing along with the elevator music. 

- You would rather go to work than stay home sick. 

- You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 



- People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?" 

- You know what the word "equity" means. 

- You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television. 



- You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. 

- Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

- You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.



- Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.

- Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.

- Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.



- You look forward to a dull evening.

- Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

- Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.


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## fureverywhere (Nov 11, 2015)

- Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
You have more than ten doctors listed

- Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
Yes, yes, when did your son's hairline start to recede further than his Dad?

- Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
Yes could indeed walk those extra three miles, but you know you'll be barely able to get up the front steps if you do.


- You and your teeth don't sleep together.
Scarier still, for comfort you can flip them in and out in a flash.

- Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

- You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."

- You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.
Possibly worse

- Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
More accurate than any computer will ever be.


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## jujube (Nov 11, 2015)

Your significant other asks if you want to go upstairs and have a good time and you reply, "Make up your mind...which one?"

You go to antique shops and find yourself saying less "Hey, my grandmother used to have one of those!" and more "Hey, I used to have one of those!"


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## Pappy (Nov 12, 2015)

When I ask someone in our retirement community, "How are you this morning?"
And it takes them an hour to explain their aches and pains. 

When all my shoes have Velcro straps instead of laces.


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## Ken N Tx (Nov 13, 2015)

In a hostage situation, you are the first to be released!!


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## hossthehermit (Nov 17, 2015)

Your bank sends calendars one month at a time.....................


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## fureverywhere (Nov 17, 2015)

Your doctors, dentist, even your lawyer look younger than your children.


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