# Heard from an old "friend"



## debodun (Feb 17, 2022)

A woman that used to work in the same department, but not the same unit as I did, stepped in when she learned my mom passed and offered to help me with the estate. She would come every Saturday and Sunday to help me go through the house contents. Then it started to be just on Saturday for a few weeks. Then she started giving me a hard-case story about how much I owed her because she gave up her weekends to help me and I should give her thing from the house she wanted (like a antique student lamp and other collectibles). I was okay with it since he was indeed a big help. Then she saw a piece of scrimshaw I had and it had her daughters name engraved on it. She said she wanted that. It has great sentimental value to me and has been in the family for a while, so I refused to let her have it. She stopped coming after that. When I saw her at work, and asked why she stopped coming to help, she said "We've reached the point of diminishing returns." 

This was 15 years ago. I retired in 2010 and didn't have any contact with her after that. One day my phone rang and it was her asking again if she could have the scrimshaw. I reiterated that it was a family heirloom so I didn't want to part with it, but that I had changed my will and it would go to her or her daughter, whoever was alive at that time. This seemed to satisfy her. 

Months went by when I received another call, more desperate. She said she didn't want to wait for the scrimshaw, she wanted it NOW and would even pay a reasonable price. I still refused and she angrily hung up. This was about 10 years ago.

Yesterday I received an email from her asking why she couldn't all me. Apparently sh tried at the number I had before I moved. She wanted to get back together. He husband passed last October. I am very suspicious of her motives after this long. I didn't give her my new phone number or address, only told her I had moved.

Now I don't know how to handle the situation.

This is the scrimshaw:


----------



## JaniceM (Feb 17, 2022)

debodun said:


> A woman that used to work in the same department, but not the same unit as I did, stepped in when she learned my mom passed and offered to help me with the estate. She would come every Saturday and Sunday to help me go through the house contents. Then it started to be just on Saturday for a few weeks. Then she started giving me a hard-case story about how much I owed her because she gave up her weekends to help me and I should give her thing from the house she wanted (like a antique student lamp and other collectibles). I was okay with it since he was indeed a big help. Then she saw a piece of scrimshaw I had and it had her daughters name engraved on it. She said she wanted that. It has great sentimental value to me and has been in the family for a while, so I refused to let her have it. She stopped coming after that. When I saw her at work, and asked why she stopped coming to help, she said "We've reached the point of diminishing returns."
> 
> This was 15 years ago. I retired in 2010 and didn't have any contact with her after that. One day my phone rang and it was her asking again if she could have the scrimshaw. I reiterated that it was a family heirloom so I didn't want to part with it, but that I had changed my will and it would go to her or her daughter, whoever was alive at that time. This seemed to satisfy her.
> 
> ...


Cut off contact with her, and reach out for legal assistance if she bothers you again.  
Some individuals don't grasp the word 'no,' and sometimes they can be dangerous.


----------



## Jules (Feb 17, 2022)

Thanks for showing the photo of a scrimshaw.  I’m still not sure what it is or what it’s used for.

After all this time and her treatment of you, there’s no need to rekindle the relationship. 

Since she had obviously defined her past participation with you as being a user when she used the phrase “diminishing returns”. 

If she’s still in the will, I’d take her out.

PS - Is there any chance that scrimshaw is really valuable?


----------



## debodun (Feb 17, 2022)

Jules said:


> If she’s still in the will, I’d take her out.
> 
> PS - Is there any chance that scrimshaw is really valuable?


I did and specified that it be donated to the Whaling Museum in Mystic, CT.

Scrimshaw IS valuable and the theme can make it even more so. I sent photos of it to the museum curator in Mystic. He said professional ethics prevented him from appriasing it's value. You coud probably Google it to see other examples.


----------



## Jules (Feb 17, 2022)

debodun said:


> I did and specified that it be donated to the Whaling Museum in Mystic, CT.


Good decision.  I looked them up and they are interesting.


----------



## Georgiagranny (Feb 17, 2022)

People can be greedy! Beyond greedy. I'd cut off all contact whatsoever and stick with donating it to the Whaling Museum.


----------



## debodun (Feb 17, 2022)

I kinda wrote her off when she had the attitude that she couldn't wait for me to die. What gall!


----------



## Murrmurr (Feb 17, 2022)

Jules said:


> Thanks for showing the photo of a scrimshaw.  I’m still not sure what it is or what it’s used for.
> 
> PS - Is there any chance that scrimshaw is really valuable?


Hi, Jules

Deb beat me to it, so I'll elaborate a bit. Scrimshaw is an artcraft where you etch an image onto a piece of bone with a sharp, pointy tool, then wash ink over it and rub away the excess ink to reveal the image. Whalers of old typically did scrimshaw on whale teeth, Chinese artisans on ivory when it was legal, American pioneers and revolutionary soldiers on the horns of bulls and cows that they used as powder-horns for their rifles. Those are rare items.

Recent artists do scrimshaw on faux ivory for jewelry and knife handles. My dad made knives and I did scrimshaw on some of the handles. He could easily get double the price on the scrimmed knives.


----------



## debodun (Feb 17, 2022)

This is the other side with a portrait of the American poet John Greenleaf Whittier as a young man. This is not the "typical" scrimshaw with a nautical theme - a rare topic. It also has a bronze or brass base and it's a real whale's tooth as evidenced by the hollow core.


----------



## PamfromTx (Feb 17, 2022)

Wow, so interesting!


----------



## Mizmo (Feb 17, 2022)

Yes, so interesting. I did not know such an art existed.
I would ignore her entirely and perhaps you might want to change your email address or at least block her.
Seems to me she wants it purely for its monetary value.
Donating it to the museum is a good thing !


----------



## Mrs. Robinson (Feb 17, 2022)

Could she have anything to do with the woman who came to your door recently?


----------



## debodun (Feb 18, 2022)

Mrs. Robinson said:


> Could she have anything to do with the woman who came to your door recently?


Definitely not. The woman that came on New Years Day I subsequently discovered was the mother of my new next door neighbor. The woman that sent me an email I used to work with and lives 40 miles away. I sincerely doubt they know each other.


----------



## Trish (Feb 18, 2022)

You have been far too tolerant of this woman and you owe her nothing.  Personally, I wouldn't leave her anything certainly not a family heirloom!  To be honest, she sounds unbalanced and you really should cut all contact with her - block her, change your telephone number - whatever it takes and, if she persists, do not hesitate to seek legal redress.


----------



## Jules (Feb 18, 2022)

If she contacts you again, tell her that you already removed the scrimshaw from your will and donated it to the Whaling Society.  That should shut her up.


----------



## debodun (Feb 18, 2022)

She is a nut case. One time while I was working, she had to go to the administration office for some reason. A few minutes later the Capitol Police were all over the place. Later I heard that when things weren't going to her satisfaction, she said, "I'm going out to my car and get a gun and come back." This is something you NEVER say to people even if you think it.

Another time I was invited to her house for some holiday. While there, her grandmother took me aside and told me in essence to watch my back around her and that she was only nice to me for what she could get. Probably true, but I am so mild mannered, I have trouble being firm of rude to people, but I am on my guard since the scrimshaw incident.

I am just wondering after all these years why she suddenly wants to get back together and "do lunch". Probably has some poison to slip in my food to hurry my egress along. She doesn't know I changed my will.


----------



## hollydolly (Feb 18, 2022)

Good lord, don't walk away from this person....run... as fast as you can.... never be in touch with her again in any way...


----------



## debodun (Feb 18, 2022)

I think she got out of her brush wih the police by claiming she was just joking.


----------



## debodun (Feb 18, 2022)

More on Scrimshaw here:

https://www.incollect.com/articles/what-is-it-worth-scrimshaw-teeth


----------



## john19485 (Feb 18, 2022)




----------



## Remy (Feb 20, 2022)

@debodun She sounds like a user. And she's persistent. Don't give her your new address or phone number. Block her on e-mail. You owe her nothing.


----------



## debodun (Feb 20, 2022)

Remy said:


> @debodun She sounds like a user.


I totally agree. When I was doing my aunt's estate, she muscled her way into that, also. Took some beautiful paintings and an umbrella patio set from that.


----------



## debodun (Sep 8, 2022)

I heard from her again today asking to see me. I messaged back that I was having problems with my vision and wasn't up to having visitors. She replied that I didn't have to see _her_. I just have a feeling she's after something to be this pressing. I've never known her to do anything where there wasn't something in it for her. I've tried to placate her gently, but if I get nasty, she may retaliate in some way.


----------



## Pepper (Sep 8, 2022)

Your health comes first.  You shouldn't be stressed out.  How in your mind would she retaliate?

eta.........don't get nasty.  Firmly say no.  You'll call her after you heal.


----------



## debodun (Sep 8, 2022)

Pepper said:


> How in your mind would she retaliate?


See #16 in this thread.


----------



## Pepper (Sep 8, 2022)

debodun said:


> See #16 in this thread.


Okay.  Just allow her to be your boss, yes ma'am, no ma'am, don't hit me ma'am.  I can't persuade you to take charge of your health or your lack of confidence in yourself so I guess my work is done here.


----------



## Nathan (Sep 8, 2022)

@debodun, seriously, if I were you I would not exchange phone calls, emails, texts or any other means of communication with this person.
She IS after something!!!    Don't placate her, you are just enabling her and allowing yourself to be under her control.


----------



## Alligatorob (Sep 8, 2022)

debodun said:


> Now I don't know how to handle the situation.


Blow her off!

Send me the scrimshaw if you want to give it away.  I promise not to poison you... and  I am certainly as deserving as she is.


----------



## Bella (Sep 8, 2022)

Nathan said:


> @debodun,* seriously, if I were you I would not exchange phone calls, emails, texts or any other means of communication with this person.
> She IS after something!!!    Don't placate her, you are just enabling her and allowing yourself to be under her control.*



@debodun - Do what Nathan said._ Cut off ALL contact _with this whack job immediately! She has something up her sleeve, and you're not safe in her company.


----------



## NorthernLight (Sep 8, 2022)

She sounds very much like an ex-inlaw. I never had any problem with her personally, although she could be somewhat pushy. Anyway, various people warned me not to be fooled by her apparent niceness.

One of the things she was known for, was "helping" people go through their belongings -- for example, older people who were downsizing. She would ask for (or maybe not ask for) valuable items in return. She had plenty of money (I know this because of the family connection) but was always pleading poverty.

These people are sick. If she won't accept a simple, "Sorry, I can't," just cut off all contact. Good luck.


----------



## Jules (Sep 8, 2022)

If she’s corresponding with you by email, don’t answer them.  Make good use of your call display.  If she knows your phone number, don’t answer.  Don’t answer any unknown phone calls.  

And heaven forbid she shows up at your doctor, just lie that and say that you’re not dealing with anybody but specific people because of Covid.  Don’t let her in your house.


----------



## debodun (Sep 9, 2022)

I haven't given her my new address or phone number. After her numerous "stunts" I am very wary of her. I agree with her grandmother - she never did anything for someone unless she thought there was something in it for her.


----------



## Nathan (Sep 9, 2022)

debodun said:


> I haven't given her my new address or phone number. After her numerous "stunts" I am very wary of her. I agree with her grandmother - she never did anything for someone unless she thought there was something in it for her.


@debodun , OK stay safe.


----------



## Knight (Sep 9, 2022)

Email has a spam button that should block any future emails.
Then there are web sites like this to get an idea about the value of the scrimshaw.
https://www.drloriv.com/antique-tips/scrimshaw/

Probably the value of your scrimshaw is the  reason for wanting it.  As for her not knowing where you live.

Search Free Now - You Only Need A Name & State ad·https://tracking.instantcheckmate.com/
This background check site revealed the most shocking amount of info. See which one it is.

Just Enter a Name & Search Now - Try Risk Free. 100%...

Ad·https://www.publicrecordscenter.org/

Anonymous Searching - See Anyone's Pipl Records. Enter Any Name To Reveal Records.

Just Enter A Name & State - Don't Waste Your Money

Ad·https://www.beenverified.com/



​


----------



## fuzzybuddy (Sep 9, 2022)

I would tell your friend that your dearest relative truly desired to keep this family heirloom in the family. So, you had no choice but to will it to her. You have to forcefully let her know that. And don't have any more contact with this person. Anybody, who is continually fixated on a piece of scrimshaw for decades isn't dealing with a full deck. Continued contact, and her hope of getting the scrimshaw, will only lead to more problems.
Because she helped you years ago, does not mean she has an open check book on your possessions.


----------



## dobielvr (Sep 9, 2022)

Quit responding!!


----------



## RadishRose (Sep 9, 2022)

Deb, don't speak to her again. Don't see her, or her representative. Quite honestly, I would ask a judge for a restraining order. She's a haunt, a nag and probably dangerous as she ages.

Or, (hahaha) tell her you will send her the scrimshaw in the mail. Box up a large piece of coal, wrap it over and over, cover it with many layers of plastic tape and just imagine the fun she'll have getting it open!


----------



## NorthernLight (Sep 9, 2022)

Yes, a piece of coal, with a note saying, "Don't piss me off."


----------



## Hollow (Sep 9, 2022)

My goodness she sounds utterly disgusting. I'm surprised you have put up with her for so long. "Diminishing returns" indeed, I agree with everyone else in saying that this person needs to be avoided at all costs. Do not engage with her, and get some legal thing going. The fact she is disrespecting you and basically _demanding_ you owe her a treasured family heirloom of yours, what the heck? No, no, no...

Interesting information about the Scrimshaw....I wasn't aware of this being a "thing" - it's gorgeous.


----------



## debodun (Sep 9, 2022)

RadishRose said:


> Box up a large piece of coal, wrap it over and over, cover it with many layers of plastic tape and just imagine the fun she'll have getting it open!


I was thinking along the lines of a doggie doodle.


----------



## Knight (Sep 9, 2022)

debodun said:


> I was thinking along the lines of a dog doodle.


Most advise stop communicating with that woman because she is potentially dangerous . Then you get advice to mail her something to really piss her off. Toss in your thought of  dog doodle & it almost seems like you enjoy your interaction with the woman.


----------



## RadishRose (Sep 9, 2022)

Knight said:


> Most advise stop communicating with that woman because she is potentially dangerous . Then you get advice to mail her something to really piss her off. Toss in your thought of  dog doodle & it almost seems like you enjoy your interaction with the woman.


Laughter is the best medicine.


----------



## debodun (Sep 9, 2022)

Knight, it's a joke.


----------



## Packerjohn (Sep 9, 2022)

I think the lady might be a mental "nut case."  Anyway, I wouldn't want what she wants.  Don't see what her problem is other than being a bit "touched in the head."  Best of luck with the "nutter" lady.


----------



## Been There (Sep 13, 2022)

I have seen scrimshaws in different museums. Yes, some of them are very valuable, depending on the decorative designs or writings on them.


----------



## Remy (Sep 14, 2022)

But seriously, trolls and people like this feed on the interaction. Ignoring is the best to do.

If you've ever read a rabbit hole of two internet strangers going at each other for a difference of opinion, such as on YouTube, you realize the only thing to do is not engage. I read one about the queen's death yesterday. Or the start of it. I read a few of the back and forth comments and new where that was heading. 

This woman has some weird entitlement and shouldn't be engaged with. I hope she doesn't contact you again. She seems very weirdly entitled.


----------



## Premie (Oct 16, 2022)

debodun said:


> I heard from her again today asking to see me. I messaged back that I was having problems with my vision and wasn't up to having visitors. She replied that I didn't have to see _her_. I just have a feeling she's after something to be this pressing. I've never known her to do anything where there wasn't something in it for her. I've tried to placate her gently, but if I get nasty, she may retaliate in some way.


No need to get nasty or to lie (“problem with…vision”). Simply do NOT reply to ANY of her attempts at communication. Block her number. Period. And move forward with another interest in your life. 
(By answering her texts/phone calls, YOU are CHOOSING to have her in your life. Be honest with yourself about YOUR motives.)


----------



## hollydolly (Oct 16, 2022)

Premie said:


> No need to get nasty or to lie (“problem with…vision”). Simply do NOT reply to ANY of her attempts at communication. Block her number. Period. And move forward with another interest in your life.
> (By answering her texts/phone calls, YOU are CHOOSING to have her in your life. Be honest with yourself about YOUR motives.)


welcome to the forum.. you may wish to introduce yourself.. here... https://www.seniorforums.com/forums/introductions.15/


----------



## debodun (Oct 16, 2022)

Premie said:


> No need to get nasty or to lie (“problem with…vision”).


That isn't a lie.


----------



## Georgiagranny (Oct 16, 2022)

@Deb No is a complete sentence. No. There is no need to explain yourself.

Add my two cents to the advice of others: _Do* not *engage. Do *not* respond._


----------

