# Would anybody want to go into a nursing home now with the virus here?



## Robert59 (May 5, 2020)

I would think alot of nursing homes will have a problem finding people that want too.


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## C'est Moi (May 5, 2020)

I don't want to go into a nursing home at any time, so my answer is "no."


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## Keesha (May 5, 2020)

Not even a possible consideration for me regardless of the virus. No way . I will say however that I’ve been to at least half a dozen really nice ones in the last year.


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## Yo-Yo (May 5, 2020)

C'est Moi said:


> I don't want to go into a nursing home at any time, so my answer is "no."


Amen to this.


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## Lakeland living (May 5, 2020)

Never wanted to go to a home and that will never change.
If I go I want to go looking at the view here, will be happy.


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## Em in Ohio (May 5, 2020)

Having worked in nursing homes, I have repeatedly said, "Heck no, I won't go."  This pandemic just gives more credence to my position.  Let me die with dignity, preferably outdoors on a warm sunny day, looking up at the sky.


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## Don M. (May 5, 2020)

There are some really nice....and Pricey....Retirement communities that do a good job for Seniors.  However, many of the lesser "care" facilities just cram as many as possible into their space, and provide little more than basic services.  The worst are probably those that are State Run under Medicaid.  Having to rely on one of those would be the LAST thing we would want.  

I'm hoping that the money we are spending on Long Term Care is wasted, and we pass quickly.  If needed, hopefully we can fund decent "in home" care with that program.


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## Aunt Bea (May 5, 2020)

I don't think much has or will change.

I hear a lot of talk about conditions in nursing homes recently but I don't hear much about people figuring out a way to care for their family members at home or come up with a reasonable alternative to end of life care.

When my time comes just grind up a pill and slip it into my Jello!


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## Butterfly (May 5, 2020)

Aunt Bea said:


> I don't think much has or will change.
> 
> I hear a lot of talk about conditions in nursing homes recently but I don't hear much about people figuring out a way to care for their family members at home or come up with a reasonable alternative to end of life care.
> 
> *When my time comes just grind up a pill and slip it into my Jello!*



Absolutely!!


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## Robert59 (May 5, 2020)

I had a friend that had medical problems and her only son and his wife had no time seeing about her so she  kill herself with a gun. She never told anybody she would do it she just did it.


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## Aneeda72 (May 5, 2020)

Robert59 said:


> I had a friend that had medical problems and her only son and his wife had no time seeing about her kill herself with a gun. She never told anybody she would do it she just did it.


I can not kill myself.  Being Catholic, hedging my bets on reuniting with family in heaven, I must refrain, but I came very close not too long ago.  Too much pain, but docs finally got it under control.


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## Gardenlover (May 5, 2020)

I wouldn't want to be in a nursing home under any circumstances.

Give me a fast motorcycle on Dragon Tail.

All men die, few men really live.


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## Aneeda72 (May 5, 2020)

I won’t ever go into a nursing home again.  So awful!


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## Buckeye (May 5, 2020)

I've instructed my son and my SO if I get to the point where I can't take care of myself, just drop me off at the nearest, cheapest nursing home, kiss me goodbye, and don't look back.  My worst fear is being a burden to the few folks I love.  
YMMV


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## AnnieA (May 5, 2020)

I've worked in them for years and hope I have the courage to end it all if I'm mentally capable but my body is giving out to the point of needing one ...not farfetched considering there's hardly any dementia in my family but a ton of autoimmune disease of which I have a few.  But there are unexpected admissions ...stroke, hip fractures, rapid onset dementia.   The facilities I do contract work for now are private pay homes and most families have exhausted other options ...not the caliber of people to dump family members off for convenience.  A good many of our residents are on hospice because families are in the higher socioeconomic bracket and don't have the "do everything for poor Mama" unrealistic expectations that I saw a lot of in Medicaid homes.


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## SeaBreeze (May 5, 2020)

C'est Moi said:


> I don't want to go into a nursing home at any time, so my answer is "no."


Ditto....I'm with you!


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## Sharona61 (May 6, 2020)

My husband was in and out of Acute Care & Rehab centers for almost a year. He came home just before it was reported that Covid-19 was running rampant in Georgia nursing homes. He was never diagnosed with it, so I suppose in that way, we were lucky.


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## Em in Ohio (May 6, 2020)

Sharona61 said:


> My husband was in and out of Acute Care & Rehab centers for almost a year. He came home just before it was reported that Covid-19 was running rampant in Georgia nursing homes. He was never diagnosed with it, so I suppose in that way, we were lucky.


It's great to hear a story with a happy ending!  Thanks for sharing!


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## old medic (May 6, 2020)

I'm in them about every day.... 3 different ones in one day...


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## gennie (May 6, 2020)

Occasionally it is the only option.  I'm told that Injuries from falls is what puts most of the elderly there who are  otherwise healthy and living self reliant.  Circumstances don't always allow for daily personal care of an invalid no matter how much we might want to give it.

Be kind to your love ones by being careful and not taking risks.


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## Em in Ohio (May 6, 2020)

gennie said:


> Occasionally it is the only option.  I'm told that Injuries from falls is what puts most of the elderly there who are  otherwise healthy and living self reliant.  Circumstances don't always allow for daily personal care of an invalid no matter how much we might want to give it.
> 
> Be kind to your love ones by being careful and not taking risks.


Unfortunately, I believe hip fractures are too often the beginning of the end for a lot of people - restoration to independent status and release from nursing home care is not that typical, based on my experience working in them.  Perhaps things are better today.


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## StarSong (May 6, 2020)

My mother, MIL and FIL all had short stints in skilled nursing facilities (two weeks or less).  There's a difference between rehab and long term nursing care.  They received the PT and other needed care, then were released home. 

To answer the question, I can't think of anyone who would EVER "want" to go into a nursing home, hospital or other facility, but particularly at a time where there is a high danger of contracting COVID-19, visitors aren't permitted, staff are overworked and exhausted, and patients are isolated.

What kind of question is that?


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## MarciKS (May 6, 2020)

Em in Ohio said:


> Having worked in nursing homes, I have repeatedly said, "Heck no, I won't go."  This pandemic just gives more credence to my position.  Let me die with dignity, preferably outdoors on a warm sunny day, looking up at the sky.



I worked in several nursing homes over the years. I don't want to go into one either after the stuff I've seen but, I may not have any other option when the time comes. Viruses or not.


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## StarSong (May 6, 2020)

delete


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## Aneeda72 (May 6, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> I worked in several nursing homes over the years. I don't want to go into one either after the stuff I've seen but, I may not have any other option when the time comes. Viruses or not.


I will take the no thanks I’ll die at home option.  Yes rehab and acute care are different facilities.  I was considered too fragile for those more intense facilities.  Apparently the doctors had never checked out stupid nursing homes where a diabetic, who never uses insulin, has to get three shots a day of insulin cause the nursing home provides a carb heavy diet.  And other stupid issues designed to kill me.


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## Ruthanne (May 6, 2020)

H..e..double hockey sticks No!  I'd rather die at home.


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## RadishRose (May 6, 2020)

C-diff, mersa, covid19, stench... I'd rather pitch a tent under a bridge, or join Aunt Bea at the Jello party.


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## Leann (May 6, 2020)

I pray that I never need to.


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## Ladybj (May 6, 2020)

Virus or no Virus... H#@L NO.


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## MarciKS (May 6, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> I will take the no thanks I’ll die at home option.  Yes rehab and acute care are different facilities.  I was considered too fragile for those more intense facilities.  Apparently the doctors had never checked out stupid nursing homes where a diabetic, who never uses insulin, has to get three shots a day of insulin cause the nursing home provides a carb heavy diet.  And other stupid issues designed to kill me.



The nursing homes switched over to Culture Change which allows them to eat what they want regardless. They claim this is a more dignified life. I think it's a way to kill off the elderly and open up a bed.


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## Ruth n Jersey (May 6, 2020)

Virus or not I would never want to go into a nursing home. I worked as a practical nurse for 10 years in what I think was a pretty good one. We had only about 100 patients,the food was good and the care better than average. Before it became a nursing home it was an old farmhouse and retained the large wrap around porch and rooms with deep bay windows where people could sit.
Even though it had a homelike atmosphere it still wasn't home.
Years later I worked for public health. I visited many people in their homes who had help with their daily needs and meals on wheels provided good food each day.
These people did so much better in their home environment.  I hope I can remain in my home,not be a burden to my kids and one night just fall asleep in my bed and never wake up.


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## C'est Moi (May 6, 2020)

Ruth n Jersey said:


> Virus or not I would never want to go into a nursing home. I worked as a practical nurse for 10 years in what I think was a pretty good one. We had only about 100 patients,the food was good and the care better than average. Before it became a nursing home it was an old farmhouse and retained the large wrap around porch and rooms with deep bay windows where people could sit.
> Even though it had a homelike atmosphere it still wasn't home.
> Years later I worked for public health. I visited many people in their homes who had help with their daily needs and meals on wheels provided good food each day.
> *These people did so much better in their home environment.  I hope I can remain in my home,not be a burden to my kids and one night just fall asleep in my bed and never wake up.*


I totally agree.


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## MarciKS (May 6, 2020)

Ruth n Jersey said:


> Virus or not I would never want to go into a nursing home. I worked as a practical nurse for 10 years in what I think was a pretty good one. We had only about 100 patients,the food was good and the care better than average. Before it became a nursing home it was an old farmhouse and retained the large wrap around porch and rooms with deep bay windows where people could sit.
> Even though it had a homelike atmosphere it still wasn't home.
> Years later I worked for public health. I visited many people in their homes who had help with their daily needs and meals on wheels provided good food each day.
> These people did so much better in their home environment.  I hope I can remain in my home,not be a burden to my kids and one night just fall asleep in my bed and never wake up.



That's how I hope to go. Just doze off and poof!


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## Rosemarie (May 6, 2020)

Any institution where you have people living closely together, must be a breeding ground for viruses. It isn't just at the present time. Everything is shared with other people, so good hygiene is a must.

I have no intention of ending up in a nursing home. If I can't live independently, my life isn't worth living.


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## Aneeda72 (May 7, 2020)

Rosemarie said:


> Any institution where you have people living closely together, must be a breeding ground for viruses. It isn't just at the present time. Everything is shared with other people, so good hygiene is a must.
> 
> I have no intention of ending up in a nursing home. If I can't live independently, my life isn't worth living.


Well, assisted living is the way to live when living independently becomes impossible.  Help when you need it or want it.  No one ever intends to end up in a nursing home, but the homes are full of people.


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## Rosemarie (May 7, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> Well, assisted living is the way to live when living independently becomes impossible.  Help when you need it or want it.  No one ever intends to end up in a nursing home, but the homes are full of people.


Actually, I have worked in a nursing home and some of the residents DO enjoy living there. Women enjoy not having responsibility for domestic chores and men enjoy having people fussing over them.


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## StarSong (May 7, 2020)

Rosemarie said:


> Actually, I have worked in a nursing home and some of the residents DO enjoy living there. Women enjoy not having responsibility for domestic chores and men enjoy having people fussing over them.


There are huge differences between assisted living residences, memory care/Alzheimer's AL facilities, short-term skilled nursing rehab centers, and long-term nursing homes.  I saw many people who were quite happy and well socialized in assisted living, and many who had short, successful stints in short-term PT, OT and other rehab after broken hips, bad falls, strokes, etc.    

Long term nursing homes are another story altogether. Ugh. They're basically warehouses for those unable to care for themselves.


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## JaniceM (May 7, 2020)

StarSong said:


> Long term nursing homes are another story altogether. Ugh. They're basically warehouses for those unable to care for themselves.



The one closest to here is next-door to a funeral parlor.  I've always thought that was kinda icky.


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## PopsnTuff (May 7, 2020)

I've made it very clear to my three grown kids not to ever put me in one unless absolutely necessary and with a hidden camera in the room to monitor my care, or possible abuse, to stay on top of things.....home health care is what I'd shoot for first.


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## JaniceM (May 7, 2020)

I believe in aging-in-place whenever it's reasonably possible.


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## OneEyedDiva (Jul 6, 2020)

My family said no way in HAIL would they put me in nursing home now. I knew that before they even said it. I thank them and my budget thanks them.


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## StarSong (Jul 6, 2020)

These days any kind of institutional living is a dicey proposition.  Sleep away camps, boarding schools, senior facilities, nursing homes, dorms, prisons, etc.   All are potential hotbeds of infection.


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## Pepper (Jul 6, 2020)

Never!
Kill me first---Please!


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## PamfromTx (Jul 6, 2020)

C'est Moi said:


> I don't want to go into a nursing home at any time, so my answer is "no."


Amen to this.


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## Gardenlover (Jul 6, 2020)

I plan to ride a fast motorcycle down a short mountain road, before I ever even consider entering a nursing home.


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## Treacle (Jul 7, 2020)

My friend's husband had a stroke about 3 years ago. She is in her 70s. She fought hard to get help and get him out of hospital. She gets him up , dresses him, makes dinner etc and puts him to bed. She had many nights getting up and changing bed sheets. He is unable to speak or has sometimes said just a few words. She is allowed a care worker for 4 hours a week. Today she said she's just waiting to die and that she has no life and just want's to go to bed to sleep and not wake up but can't because she has to put her husband to bed. Given what most of you have said about nursing homes, do you have an opinion or any advice I can offer her. I would not want to go in a home myself  and understand that she does not want her husband to be in a home but she may start to get ill herself and have no option. She has 2 children but they seem occupied with their lives. I guess I'm her listener and have been for a number of years and hopefully when she's talked it out she can carry on for another day. But the situation with her husband will not get better. Would you suggest a nursing home if one was unable to cope with their o/h if help was limited and one was getting ill trying to cope?  Of course the virus situation may not give her an option even if one was available Hope I didn't go too off piste ☺ oh and I wouldn't go in a nursing home, worked in them when I was a youngster and the lack of stimulation and care for those in the homes, council or private, was certainly not up to my standards and the phrase 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you' skipped them by.


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## Rosemarie (Jul 8, 2020)

When I see pictures of care homes, they show a large room where the residents are sitting together doing jigsaws or watching tv. That would be absolute hell for a loner like me. If I can't have my own sitting room and be left alone to do as I please, I'd rather be dead.


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## StarSong (Jul 8, 2020)

Rosemarie said:


> When I see pictures of care homes, they show a large room where the residents are sitting together doing jigsaws or watching tv. That would be absolute hell for a loner like me. If I can't have my own sitting room and be left alone to do as I please, I'd rather be dead.


In modern assisted living facilities, residents have their own sitting room areas within their apartments.


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## Sunny (Jul 8, 2020)

Not now or ever.


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## Ladybj (Jul 9, 2020)

Pepper said:


> Never!
> Kill me first---Please!


Or the Nursing home will - sad to say.


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## Ladybj (Jul 9, 2020)

Treacle said:


> My friend's husband had a stroke about 3 years ago. She is in her 70s. She fought hard to get help and get him out of hospital. She gets him up , dresses him, makes dinner etc and puts him to bed. She had many nights getting up and changing bed sheets. He is unable to speak or has sometimes said just a few words. She is allowed a care worker for 4 hours a week. Today she said she's just waiting to die and that she has no life and just want's to go to bed to sleep and not wake up but can't because she has to put her husband to bed. Given what most of you have said about nursing homes, do you have an opinion or any advice I can offer her. I would not want to go in a home myself  and understand that she does not want her husband to be in a home but she may start to get ill herself and have no option. She has 2 children but they seem occupied with their lives. I guess I'm her listener and have been for a number of years and hopefully when she's talked it out she can carry on for another day. But the situation with her husband will not get better. Would you suggest a nursing home if one was unable to cope with their o/h if help was limited and one was getting ill trying to cope?  Of course the virus situation may not give her an option even if one was available Hope I didn't go too off piste ☺ oh and I wouldn't go in a nursing home, worked in them when I was a youngster and the lack of stimulation and care for those in the homes, council or private, was certainly not up to my standards and the phrase 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you' skipped them by.


Sounds like one of those Darn if you don't, Darn if you do situations.  My prayers are with her and her hubby.


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## Treacle (Jul 10, 2020)

Ladybj said:


> Sounds like one of those Darn if you don't, Darn if you do situations.  My prayers are with her and her hubby.


Thank you Ladybj .


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## Pepper (Jul 10, 2020)

Ladybj said:


> Or the Nursing home will - sad to say.


Yes, but with them it will be *slow*.


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## Liberty (Jul 10, 2020)

Usually the caregiver has to get completely exhausted before they finally give in and admit the loved one.  Had an friend of a friend that was a little nurse, she was barely 5 ft tall.  She managed to care for her large husband for years, then finally had to admit him.  She had a bed lift and wheelchairs and somehow managed to do it.  Its a very sensitive issue.  Sometimes they are just waiting it out till the person dies.

Honestly don't think anyone can tell another what to do in these situations.  Just be a good listener and friend like you obviously are, and perhaps point out things to them now and then to perhaps help them focus on the situation.  Maybe help them find those "magic minutes" of enjoyment wherever you can.

God bless her and you for being such a good friend.  I'd like to shake her kids to wake them up so they would come to help her on a regular basis. After all, they only have one mother and father!


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## Ladybj (Jul 10, 2020)

Although I am Anti-Nursing homes, I do understand when a love one has no choice.   The Healthcare system in the US is....I can't find the words.  I feel in my heart, once we get to a certain age, as someone else posted...they will find a bed for the next person.


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## StarSong (Jul 11, 2020)

The situations described above by @Liberty and @Treacle are most couples' worst nightmare.  Terrible for both the care-givers and the spouses needing those levels of care.  All parties become desperate for relief.


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## Aunt Bea (Jul 11, 2020)

New York just approved guidelines for opening nursing homes to visitors for the first time since mid-March.

Nursing homes and long term care facilities in New York will be allowed to resume limited visitations for facilities that have been without COVID-19 for at least 28 days.

The new policy allows two visitors at a time.  Visitors must undergo temperature checks, wear face coverings, and social distance during the visit. At least one of the two visitors must be at least 18 years of age or older. 

Only 10 percent of the residents can be allowed visitors at any given time; for example, in a 100-bed facility, no more than 10 residents can have visitors. 

IMO the most important part of this new policy is allowing members of the Long-Term Care Ombudsman Program, which provides additional support to residents of nursing homes and long-term care facilities, to resume visits.  Ombudsman staff must utilize appropriate PPE for the duration of the visit and must be screened as if they were a staff person of such nursing home, including having to present a verified negative test result to the nursing home within the past week.


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## fmdog44 (Jul 11, 2020)

They are depressing and sad enough without the virus. Watching my dad in one after how he lead such a productive life was a kick in the throat I live with every day. It was his second wives decision to put him there but she did take care of him as long as she could.


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## charry (Jul 11, 2020)

Some people just don’t have the choice......My dad had to go into a nursing home the end of last year, then  he passed away.........


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## Lovely Rita (Jul 14, 2020)

If it comes down that I am not being able to live in my home safely then I suppose I have no choice to go into a Nursing Home. I do however believe my first option would be living with my daughter and her family, but if it got beyond that then a Nursing Home it would be.


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## StarSong (Jul 14, 2020)

Lovely Rita said:


> If it comes down that I am not being able to live in my home safely then I suppose I have no choice to go into a Nursing Home. I do however believe my first option would be living with my daughter and her family, but if it got beyond that then a Nursing Home it would be.


True for most of us, Rita.  We all hope for an easier ending, but not everyone gets to have one.


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## Ruthanne (Sep 20, 2020)

I'd rather die at home than in one of those places.


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## win231 (Sep 20, 2020)

Robert59 said:


> I had a friend that had medical problems and her only son and his wife had no time seeing about her so she  kill herself with a gun. She never told anybody she would do it she just did it.


No surprise.  She knew what the typical response would be if she told anyone.  Those responses always come from people who aren't in that person's shoes - which makes it very easy for them.


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## Phoenix (Sep 21, 2020)

My mom was in a good one.  She loved it there.  She even fell in love and made a lot of friends.  She had been shy her entire life, but she blossomed in that facility.  The staff was wonderful to her.  As for me, well, I hope it won't need to come to that.  If my husband is in need of care I will do it myself as long as I am able.


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## Butterfly (Sep 21, 2020)

win231 said:


> No surprise.  She knew what the typical response would be if she told anyone.  Those responses always come from people who aren't in that person's shoes - which makes it very easy for them.



In those shoes I might do the same thing, but not with a gun -- far too messy.


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## Geezerette (Sep 21, 2020)

If you are lucky enough to afford it, there are facilities that under one roof or same grounds complexes that range from independent living with meals & a bit ofhousekeeping to assisted living to skilled nursing.  I knew personally 2 couples on that situation. In one it was the husband who had to go to nursing, in the other the wife,  but they were able to spend as much time as they wanted with their frailer spouse. This was before the virus, and it turned out that one of the facilities had a very high disease and death rate after the virus struck.


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## Phoenix (Sep 21, 2020)

The facility where my mom was, still hasn't had any Covid cases.  The daughter of a friend of mine works there.  They are incredibly careful.


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## Nathan (Sep 21, 2020)

C'est Moi said:


> I don't want to go into a nursing home at any time, so my answer is "no."


Me too!    They'll have to find me first, then catch me....it will get ugly.      I seriously would rather go homeless than be 
incarcerated.


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## Phoenix (Sep 21, 2020)

Some of the staff did call the residents inmates where my mom was.  I wouldn't go there unless I could not get around on my own and there was no one else to take care of me.  Then I'd think about it.  Of course at that point I might not have all my mental faculties.


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## Giantsfan1954 (Sep 21, 2020)

I became very withdrawn and depressed after my husband died and was self-medicating with alcohol, talking 24/7 drinking without eating, I really hoped I just wouldn’t wake up.
Consequently, I got very sick and damaged my heart, if you understand cardiac stuff, my ejection fraction was 15%, I was at risk of sudden cardiac death.
I went into a nursing home, it’s a small one with a very caring staff, in fact, I’m still friends with several staff today.
Anyway, I recovered, with nutrition and meds, and left 4 months later... Would I want to do it again, not on your life but there are times when caring for a loved one with dementia becomes an impossible task and it is a “ necessary evil”


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## Phoenix (Sep 21, 2020)

Giantsfan1954 said:


> I became very withdrawn and depressed after my husband died and was self-medicating with alcohol, talking 24/7 drinking without eating, I really hoped I just wouldn’t wake up.
> Consequently, I got very sick and damaged my heart, if you understand cardiac stuff, my ejection fraction was 15%, I was at risk of sudden cardiac death.
> I went into a nursing home, it’s a small one with a very caring staff, in fact, I’m still friends with several staff today.
> Anyway, I recovered, with nutrition and meds, and left 4 months later... Would I want to do it again, not on your life but there are times when caring for a loved one with dementia becomes an impossible task and it is a “ necessary evil”


It must have been incapacitating for you.  It's understandable that your turned to crutches.  You made it through it all, that takes courage and determination.


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## Jules (Sep 21, 2020)

I don’t want to put the burden on my children in the event DH predeceases me.  



Phoenix said:


> no one else to take care of me. Then I'd think about it. Of course at that point I might not have all my mental faculties.


 I fear both of these.  

If I’m in such bad shape that I need to go to a home, maybe getting Covid-19 there would be ok.  Let me go.


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## garyt1957 (Sep 28, 2020)

Butterfly said:


> Absolutely!!


Except that's not going to happen. It's pure luck where we end up.


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## garyt1957 (Sep 28, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> Well, assisted living is the way to live when living independently becomes impossible.  Help when you need it or want it.  No one ever intends to end up in a nursing home, but the homes are full of people.


Exactly. I get the "I want to die at home" posts, but if you become incapacitated that's not an option. Unless you plan on committing suicide, which while many will say they'll do, very very few will actually do it. And even if you wanted to, you may not be able. Of course nobody wants to end up in a nursing home , but it's not really our decision.


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## garyt1957 (Sep 28, 2020)

I'm pretty much an anti tax guy but I'd be willing to pay a tax that would guarantee everyone who needed it, a stay in a nursing home that is modern, with great care. I can't believe it would cost that much per person. Hopefully you never need it, but if you did it would be there.


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## officerripley (Sep 28, 2020)

A lot of the knowledge I have about this issue is from my nephew & his wife who, between the 2 of them, have worked in every phase of elder health care, Independent Living facilities, Assisted Living facilities, Skilled Nursing facilities, and paid in-home elder care. 

And here are some things I've learned from them (which I realize of course may only apply to this area): (1) almost no one who lives long enough dies at home (or out on a walk or on a bike enjoying nature or whatever); they almost always die at one of the above-mentioned facilities or in a hospital emergency room. (2) The facilities & in-home care vary enormously in how good they are, ranging from pretty good (that's right, only *pretty* good for even the most expensive) to horrific. (3) The prices--again, just for this area--are about $1500/month for Ind. Living; $3000-$4000/month for Assisted Liv.; from $6000-$10,000/month for Skilled Nursing facilities; and I can't remember how much for the in-home care. In this state, MedicAid only pays for Skilled Nursing *if* you even qualify for Medic-Aid. (4) A lot of the facilities and in-home care agencies who are not even the best have waiting lists. (A co-worker had to take a 2-year's leave of absence without pay from her job because being that long on a waiting list to get her mom into the only facility in this area that would take Alz. patients & because even if she could've afforded it--she couldn't--she couldn't hire in-home care because the mother was violent with everyone but the daughter.)

So if you were ever wondering why some of us elderly do not like being elderly and hate the phrases "the golden years" and "You're only as old as you feel" and are afraid of being even more elderly, this may answer your question. Especially those of us elderly who never had children; another elderly with children said to me once, "Well, having kids is no guarantee that they'll help you in your old age!" and of course she was right. But *not* having kids IS a guarantee that you'll have no family to take care of you in your old age.


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## officerripley (Sep 28, 2020)

I forgot to add: (5) Almost all of these places and the in-home care agencies are owned by corporations. (The few that aren't have the longest waiting lists of all). So when I mentioned a facility not being good, I'm usually not referring to its employees necessarily because what usually causes problems at these places is that modern-day devil corporate policy. Both Nephew and Niece-in-law have had more than a few instances when they or a resident thought of a better way to do things, not only better for residents but better also for staff and, get this, would save the facility and the corporation $$. Welp, Corporate always said no; reasons given ranged from altho it would save $$ it wouldn't be good for public relations; it would be against that other modern-day demon Corporate Policy; they already have brochures printed up with it the existing way (and "OMG, the reprinting costs"); it's too much trouble to change; and it wouldn't save the Corporation *enough* $$.


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## peramangkelder (Sep 29, 2020)

Nope...I worked in a Nursing Home for 10 years and it was one of the better ones and very closely monitored
However I have no desire to end up 'waiting for God' in a foetal position in a bed that is not mine
I will have my 'druthers' and I druther die in my own bed and in my own home....when my time is at an end


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## PamfromTx (Sep 29, 2020)

I wouldn't want to be in a nursing home under any circumstances.


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## rgp (Sep 29, 2020)

peramangkelder said:


> Nope...I worked in a Nursing Home for 10 years and it was one of the better ones and very closely monitored
> However I have no desire to end up 'waiting for God' in a foetal position in a bed that is not mine
> I will have my 'druthers' and I druther die in my own bed and in my own home....when my time is at an end




  So how do we make that happen ?

 If ya get hit with say a stroke .....you are taken to a hospital. Once there, they take control. If ya survive? Once you are over the emergency , you go where they say. If you have no family willing to take you in ? Off to the "home" ya go.

 Bring back Dr. Kevorkian  !


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## Butterfly (Sep 29, 2020)

officerripley said:


> I forgot to add: (5) Almost all of these places and the in-home care agencies are owned by corporations. (The few that aren't have the longest waiting lists of all). So when I mentioned a facility not being good, I'm usually not referring to its employees necessarily because what usually causes problems at these places is that modern-day devil corporate policy. Both Nephew and Niece-in-law have had more than a few instances when they or a resident thought of a better way to do things, not only better for residents but better also for staff and, get this, would save the facility and the corporation $$. Welp, Corporate always said no; reasons given ranged from altho it would save $$ it wouldn't be good for public relations; it would be against that other modern-day demon Corporate Policy; they already have brochures printed up with it the existing way (and "OMG, the reprinting costs"); it's too much trouble to change; and it wouldn't save the Corporation *enough* $$.



Who would you expect to own nursing homes except corporations?  It's not like you can run a mom and pop nursing home.  With all the expense, insurance, regulations and liability issues, to name just a few, you'd be crazy to try.

Even most churches are incorporated.  A corporation is only a legal entity not some kind of demon.  Some are bad, some are good, and some are terrible, just like the people who run them.

Corporations run hospitals, too, and airlines, and banks, and just about everything else, except maybe corner stores.


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## officerripley (Sep 29, 2020)

Butterfly said:


> Who would you expect to own nursing homes except corporations?  It's not like you can run a mom and pop nursing home.  With all the expense, insurance, regulations and liability issues, to name just a few, you'd be crazy to try.
> 
> Even most churches are incorporated.  A corporation is only a legal entity not some kind of demon.  Some are bad, some are good, and some are terrible, just like the people who run them.
> 
> Corporations run hospitals, too, and airlines, and banks, and just about everything else, except maybe corner stores.


There are a few mom&pop nursing facilities around here. 

The trouble with corporations is most are not in fact just like the people who run them since they were declared legal entities; the people who "run" them were thereby in too many cases absolved legally of suffering consequences for any malicious wrongdoing & therefore the wrongdoing intensified as it always does when there is little or no chance of consequences. What I'm trying to say is that when corporations were declared legal persons (entities), it seemed to stop the people at the top from even thinking about, let alone trying to, doing the right thing too much of the time. Sure there have been some CEOs who served jail time but nowhere nearly enough, nowhere.


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## Butterfly (Sep 29, 2020)

Corporations have always been considered legal entities/persons for most purposes.  The "declaration" of a corporation's legal entity as a person only changed recently in _Citizens United  _in regards to corporations' ability to electioneer, donate, etc. for political purposes.  It had nothing to do with liability for wrongdoing.


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## Ladybj (Sep 29, 2020)

charry said:


> Some people just don’t have the choice......My dad had to go into a nursing home the end of last year, then  he passed away.........☹


I agree.. some people just don't have any other choice.  My motto is, Judge not especially if you have not been in that situation.


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## rgp (Sep 30, 2020)

Butterfly said:


> Who would you expect to own nursing homes except corporations?  It's not like you can run a mom and pop nursing home.  With all the expense, insurance, regulations and liability issues, to name just a few, you'd be crazy to try.
> 
> Even most churches are incorporated.  A corporation is only a legal entity not some kind of demon.  Some are bad, some are good, and some are terrible, just like the people who run them.
> 
> Corporations run hospitals, too, and airlines, and banks, and just about everything else, except maybe corner stores.




  "just about everything else, except maybe corner stores."

 And they're dropping like flies.......


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## peramangkelder (Sep 30, 2020)

Possibly in the next few years Voluntary Assisted Dying will allow quality end of life care to relieve pain and suffering
Make sure you have a Medical Power Of Attorney or an Advanced Care Directive with a D.N.R. Do Not Resuscitate Clause
included so when it is your time to go you will not be kept alive by extra-ordinary measures
If you choose to be an organ donor make sure your family are aware because even if you have this on your records you want
to be an organ donor the doctors are obliged to ask your family


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## BlissfullyUnawareCanadian (Dec 27, 2020)

My dream would be to share a home with one of my daughters, with enough room for our own privacy, and me having up to 24/7 outside help as my health necessitates. I have a feeling that would be very costly so my husband and I will have to save a lot of money in the next ten years before we retire!!


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## Tish (Jan 16, 2021)

My Answer is No!


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## mellowyellow (Jan 16, 2021)

I am fortunate enough to not require nursing home care at the moment, two hip replacements enables me to continue my walking exercise, but the day might come and I must get used to the idea that there's a 50/50 chance it will happen in the future.  Then I will have two choices - I can fight like hell and refuse to go or I can accept my fate and go quietly.  Not sure how I would handle it.


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## Nathan (Jan 16, 2021)

Robert59 said:


> Would anybody want to go into a nursing home now with the virus here?


I would not go into a nursing home voluntarily....ever.


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## Murrmurr (Jan 16, 2021)

Buckeye said:


> I've instructed my son and my SO if I get to the point where I can't take care of myself, just drop me off at the nearest, cheapest nursing home, kiss me goodbye, and don't look back.  My worst fear is being a burden to the few folks I love.
> YMMV


My instructions exactly.


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## Kadee (Jan 16, 2021)

No that’s why we try to keep as fit as possible and continue dancing .

Good idea about the forms you mentioned  @peramangkelder
We both recently filled out a form each of the advanced care directives and recently updated our wills , the solicitor said to bring them in-when complete and he’d hold them with our wills.
We haven’t looked into to Power Of  Attorney for someone to,take over our money / pay our bills 

The ACD is free to download and it has areas to fill in what you want while you are still able to make those decisions it even supplies a guide to help you


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## Kathleen’s Place (Jan 16, 2021)

Buckeye said:


> I've instructed my son and my SO if I get to the point where I can't take care of myself, just drop me off at the nearest, cheapest nursing home, kiss me goodbye, and don't look back.  My worst fear is being a burden to the few folks I love.
> YMMV


Me too!!!  If I’m that bad off just put me with a group of peeps who are in the same shape or worse than I am. Come once a week, bring me a drink and a cigarette, and take me outside. Never ever ever let the grandkids or great grandkids enter the inside...I’ll come outside to see them. Call me, love me, and know for 100% certain that this is my wish


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## Vida May (Jan 16, 2021)

Robert59 said:


> I would think alot of nursing homes will have a problem finding people that want too.


 Not a nursing home but I would like to try assisted living.  I don't have the money for that but I would love to have all my meals cooked and someone cleaning my room once a week.   

I think the problem in nursing homes is hiring young people who do things that increase the chance of getting infected and once someone brings it in it spreads.   In a nursing home, the risk is also higher because the contact is greater than in assisted living.


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## Jules (Jan 16, 2021)

There was a government waiting list to get my mother into any home/residence.  The dementia was setting in.  It’s lucky she didn’t burn the house down. The first private place was fine.  When she couldn’t stay there as the dementia advanced, the next place was government run and was much better.  Private room, well-run and being under government operation it had strict rules.  It was actually better than the private one.  

When it’s time for me to go, adios please.


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## garyt1957 (Jan 17, 2021)

Nathan said:


> I would not go into a nursing home voluntarily....ever.


We all say that, but what can you really do short of shooting yourself? Unfortunately if you're incapacitated by old age or disease tha's where you'll end up.


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## J.B Books (Jan 17, 2021)

67% of all covid deaths in my county are in nursing homes.

I just attended a good friend's funeral on Wednesday. He died in a nursing home. Covid related.

During the shutdown, you can't visit your friends and loved ones. The dementia inflicted don't understand why they can't see anyone.

However, the people that work there, from health care professionals to admin to the hourly minimum wage people that clean the bathrooms, do the laundry, clean the rooms, assist the aids, cook, etc can come and go as they please and go home every night. I am sure a lot of them have family and kids and a social life. They get exposed and bring it in to work. They get tested twice a week! BS. like that helps.
The nursing homes are a death trap for covid right now.

We were getting text updates on the covid cases at the nursing home (until they stopped)
1 person one week, then 2 residents an 1 staff, then 5 residents and 4 staff, every week it got worse and it took over like Grant took Richmond.

If you have an elderly person in your care I would keep them out of a nursing facility as long as financially possible.

And right there folks is the problem.

My mom died in that same nursing home.


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## garyt1957 (Jan 17, 2021)

J.B Books said:


> 67% of all covid deaths in my county are in nursing homes.
> 
> I just attended a good friend's funeral on Wednesday. He died in a nursing home. Covid related.
> 
> ...


My MIL was in a memory care home. 11 of the 30 residents on the 3rd floor died of covid. They were locked down to visitors and no one knew that many people died. We were able to bring her home two days before she died so family could see her.


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## Nathan (Jan 17, 2021)

garyt1957 said:


> We all say that, but what can you really do short of shooting yourself? Unfortunately if you're incapacitated by old age or disease tha's where you'll end up.


Nursing homes cost a small fortune, not sure who would be paying for that.


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## Nathan (Jan 17, 2021)

Vida May said:


> I think the problem in nursing homes is hiring young people who do things that increase the chance of getting infected and once someone brings it in it spreads.   In a nursing home, the risk is also higher because the contact is greater than in assisted living.


The thing about nursing home employees:  I believe there are more parolees getting those types of jobs, rather than squeaky-clean collage students.


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## garyt1957 (Jan 17, 2021)

Nathan said:


> Nursing homes cost a small fortune, not sure who would be paying for that.


You will till you're broke then Medicaid takes over. I'd be ok with paying an extra tax used strictly for nursing home care for the elderly so anybody who needed it got good care, not like some of the Hell holes we have now.


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## garyt1957 (Jan 17, 2021)

Nathan said:


> The thing about nursing home employees:  I believe there are more parolees getting those types of jobs, rather than squeaky-clean collage students.


Well it's beyond a tough job. Most people with better options aren't going to work in a nursing home. Plus the pay sucks so you're often going to get employees with no other options.


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## officerripley (Jan 17, 2021)

garyt1957 said:


> You will till you're broke then Medicaid takes over. I'd be ok with paying an extra tax used strictly for nursing home care for the elderly so anybody who needed it got good care, not like some of the Hell holes we have now.


You have just described how the national health service [ducking the anti-socialist epithets being thrown at me right now, lol] works in many countries, for instance the UK. And no, of course the nationalized health service in no country is perfect as nothing is perfect on this planet; but it certainly allows at least some of the elderly/ disabled, etc. to stay in their own homes longer & less expensively than here in the US.


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