# What my mom told me about marriage



## debodun (Aug 2, 2020)

The biggest mistake woman make is deluding themselves by saying "After we're married, I'm going to change him." Most men won't change and if you don't like him or what he does or doesn't do, don't marry him.


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## Gaer (Aug 2, 2020)

Oh, I AGREE!  Don't even TRY to change a man's ways!  
"A man convinced against his will,
is of the same opinion still!"

My Mother told me, It's just as easy to marry a rich man as a poor man!"
Sorry, but my Mother didn't know me AT ALL and that money is MEANINGLESS to me!  LOVE is the ONLY THING!


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## Aunt Marg (Aug 2, 2020)

Deb and Gaer, you two have left me nothing to add.


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## Don M. (Aug 2, 2020)

The best "rule" I ever heard was....if you want to see what your spouse will be like in 20+ years, check out his/her Mother/Father.


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## Aunt Bea (Aug 2, 2020)

My mom didn't have to say a word.


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## Pecos (Aug 2, 2020)

And we men mess up when we think we are going to change a woman.


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## 911 (Aug 2, 2020)

My mother never wanted me to marry my wife. My wife never knew that until after my Mom died. My wife was shocked when I told her.


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## Pepper (Aug 2, 2020)

911 said:


> My mother never wanted me to marry my wife. My wife never knew that until after my Mom died. My wife was shocked when I told her.


Why did you tell her?


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## Ruth n Jersey (Aug 2, 2020)

My Mom never really gave me any advice but a few days before we were married we were in the car going somewhere. She was unusually quiet and then she said to me," you know he isn't going to be able to do anything."
At first I had know idea what she was talking about but then she explained how the men in the family were all blue collar. The hubby to be was white collar. All my life I saw the men fixing what needed fixing. From a lamp to a car. My broken toys as I was growing up. Hiring a fix it man was out of the question. None was ever needed.  She knew I saw all that growing up and I guess had her doubts and wanted me to be aware.
It turned out that the hubby and I learned together. We put down flooring in our new home, sanded and stained doors. Put down tile,fencing, and did brick work. and sheet rocked the rooms, painted and the list goes on.
He never was any good with repair work but these days I try with my sons guidance. 
I can't complain. He took care of all the finances and did it well. Back then I had no idea how to even right a check. 
We made a good team.


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## grahamg (Aug 2, 2020)

My mother was told by her family, (or her own mother), to, "Refuse nothing only blows, when she was married!"

She did form an excellent team with my dad too, after a shaky start.    .


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## gamboolman (Aug 2, 2020)

ms gamboolgals Mom told her to always be ready.....

After almost 43 years of the oilpatch,  and nearing retirement by years end, my only real plan in retirement is to  continue chasing ms gamboolgal around the old 4 poster bed buck neckid.  

We have had the bed since we wed....and ms gamboolgal has a new fancy bed picked out from the Amish folks......  

Ha, I'll chase her around the new fancy bed also..... but she's fast.....

Thank God for them Texas Gals  






Lifes A Dance And You Learn As You Go....
gamboolman....


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## bowmore (Aug 2, 2020)

gamboolman said:


> ms gamboolgals Mom told her to always be ready.....
> 
> After almost 43 years of the oilpatch,  and nearing retirement by years end, my only real plan in retirement is to  continue chasing ms gamboolgal around the old 4 poster bed buck neckid.
> 
> ...


Have her carry a bucket of water as a handicap LOL


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## Sassycakes (Aug 2, 2020)

*I met my Husband when I was 15yrs old. We married when I was 20yrs old and the only thing my Mother said was "Gee I never thought he would marry you." (I was not her favorite child) On the other side my MIL thanked me for taking him off her hands. She adored me until the day she died. I really miss her,she was a doll.*


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## hellomimi (Aug 2, 2020)

My MIL loved me more than XH, I was the daughter she wished she had. When we were newly wed, she gave me tips on how to handle XH. She saw the happy years of our marriage, I'm glad she's gone when we divorced. She would've said...I told you so.


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## grahamg (Aug 2, 2020)

A friend of mine, who I used to call "my second mother", told me her MIL was so controlling she even came into the room on her wedding night to kiss her son and new DIL goodnight!     .

She never forgot that, and I don't think it did much to enhance the anticipated passion(?).     .

BTW I will remember the story bout dem Texas gals that keep runnin for a good while.   !


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## win231 (Aug 2, 2020)

Don M. said:


> The best "rule" I ever heard was....if you want to see what your spouse will be like in 20+ years, check out his/her Mother/Father.


Probably true for most.  But I made it a point *not* to be like my parents.


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## grahamg (Aug 3, 2020)

Don M. said:


> The best "rule" I ever heard was....if you want to see what your spouse will be like in 20+ years, check out his/her Mother/Father.


You would have more reason to worry if your fiancée looked like her father before you married her!     .


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## HazyDavey (Aug 3, 2020)

Don M. said:


> The best "rule" I ever heard was....if you want to see what your spouse will be like in 20+ years, check out his/her Mother/Father.



I was told the same thing Don, good advice.


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## Ronni (Aug 3, 2020)

My folks didn’t give me any advice.

I on the other hand gave my children this advice before each of them married. Realize that you’re not only marrying your fiancé. You’re “marrying” their entire family....Forming a relationship that will be a part of your life for the entirety of your marriage. Whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing, whether you like them or not, that relationship will continue to prevail as part of your life going forward, so be prepared.

My daughter especially appreciated this. She married into a very large, very dysfunctional family That her husband was close with, and it’s been rocky going at times. But she at least entered into the marriage with zero expectations that her husbands family would just somehow disappear or that he would distance himself from them, and that helped a lot


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## hellomimi (Aug 3, 2020)

Being Asian, our culture and most traditions clashed with western culture. When I chose to marry a Texan, my dad didn't object but mom was extremely dissatisfied with my judgment. Considering I was in my late 30s then and last to marry among my sibs, I "fought" for him, threw caution to the wind and got married twice ~ in Bangkok and in the states. I don't regret my choice, I bore a wonderful human that I am so proud of.

I've learned a lot in my marriage although it failed. I'm much stronger now with boundaries in place. Real life is such that tests comes before the lessons. It matters not whether I pass or fail as long as I learned  my lesson and grow.


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## 911 (Aug 3, 2020)

Pepper said:


> Why did you tell her?


It came up in a conversation we were having. We were talking about relationships and it was actually a slip of my tongue. Talk about feeling awkward.


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## 911 (Aug 3, 2020)

911 said:


> It came up in a conversation we were having. We were talking about relationships and it was actually a slip of my tongue. Talk about feeling awkward.


My mom wasn’t against the marriage, she just thought that I could have done better. (Her words.) After about 4 or 5 years, my Mom came around and started telling me how lucky I was to have married her. I never reminded my Mom what she was telling me prior to the marriage.

My Dad, OTOH, didn’t care at all. I could have married a nun and he would have been proud.


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## Kayelle (Aug 4, 2020)

My Mom told me to be aware of how well he treats his mother. If he treats her badly run the other way. 
Both of my MIL's were always treated with tenderness from both my husbands. I was lucky enough to have two great MIL's.

It would have crushed me to learn they didn't want them to marry me and I wasn't "good enough".  Some secrets need to remain secrets 911.


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## LindaB (Aug 5, 2020)

"Women marry men hoping to change them. Men marry a woman hoping she will never change." Meaning of course she is beautiful, sexy, shapely, does everything to please him


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## jujube (Aug 5, 2020)

My MIL told my husband that she'd rather see him dead and buried than married to me. She referred to me as "The Wh0re of Babylon " on more than one occasion.

Needless to say, she didn't come to the wedding.


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## jerry old (Aug 5, 2020)

My father gave me some good advise when I was around 20 y/o,  regarding females, but it was far too late.


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## grahamg (Aug 5, 2020)

LindaB said:


> "Women marry men hoping to change them. Men marry a woman hoping she will never change." Meaning of course she is beautiful, sexy, shapely, does everything to please him


I'm sure it happens as you say, (well, some women have told me it happened to them, after they had children, and put on weight, at least). Let's face it too, "plenty of men will chase anything going"!    .

I must have missed that bit where my wife did everything to please me!
"Does that really happen?".      .


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## hellomimi (Aug 5, 2020)

I defied the saying, "look at the mother and you'll see what your wife will look like in later years." Mom gained a lot of weight in her 40s, I didn't.

I took after nanay (mom's  mom)~ small frame, slender body till she died in her 80s. She bore 12 kids, I bore just one and adopted two when I was an intern.


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## jerry old (Aug 5, 2020)

Chasing women is a full time job, after you catch one-retire


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## Pepper (Aug 5, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> I defied the saying, "look at the mother and you'll see what your wife will look like in later years."


Maybe she'll be looking smarter, stronger, kinder...........




Good qualities, no?


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## AnnieA (Aug 5, 2020)

jujube said:


> My MIL told my husband that she'd rather see him dead and buried than married to me. She referred to me as "The Wh0re of Babylon " on more than one occasion.
> 
> Needless to say, she didn't come to the wedding.



Lol!  I told my brother I wish he'd just put a "whore fund" category in his monthly budget before his second marriage to a woman that was a lot like his first  ...just flat out pay them rather than marry them.  I didn't go to that wedding!   And he's paying the "whore fund" now monthly with her in another man's bed.  Dunno why little brothers don't listen to their big sisters....???  


Edited to say the women my brother went for when young weren't simply women who liked non -monogamous sex.  They were serial marriers with histories of messy divorces.


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## Pecos (Aug 5, 2020)

jujube said:


> My MIL told my husband that she'd rather see him dead and buried than married to me. She referred to me as "The Wh0re of Babylon " on more than one occasion.
> 
> Needless to say, she didn't come to the wedding.


Good grief!!


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## jerry old (Aug 5, 2020)

'Whore fund,' huh-another word to put in my cowboy vocabulary.


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## macgeek (Aug 5, 2020)

never been married. people tell me I'm smart but I dunno, being single sucks sometimes. I admire people that had the guts to make the leap.


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## jerry old (Aug 5, 2020)

-Marriage would be great if you had your own house.
You go see wife, oh...once or twice a week in her house.  You'll frolic, go out...

But, but...looking at each other every morning☹ 

 being present when you spouse acts stupid

involvement with her relatives

Nay, marriage with separate houses is the only way.


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## Mrs. Robinson (Aug 5, 2020)

jerry old said:


> -Marriage would be great if you had your own house.
> You go see wife, oh...once or twice a week in her house.  You'll frolic, go out...
> 
> But, but...looking at each other every morning☹
> ...



We sold our home 8 years ago and when the (single) man who purchased it passed away on a hunting trip a couple of years later,a woman bought it to live in away from her husband.He lives about a mile away.A really big house on 10 acres for a woman alone,but it was also a lot for the prior single man. I dunno-I just picture that if a couple didn`t want to live together that they would each get a small place.


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## AnnieA (Aug 5, 2020)

jerry old said:


> 'Whore fund,' huh-another word to put in my cowboy vocabulary.



He picked two (almost a third) who were basically 'legal' prostitutes.  They jumped from marriage to marriage to marriage leaving debt, getting child support, expensive gifts from lovers and the current husband's money.  Both are now in their late 40s and neither has ever put a roof over own her head.   Both are smart women in terms of IQ ...EQ, not so much.  And neither has accrued anything through all that.


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## Autumn (Aug 5, 2020)

My mother told my sister and me to concentrate on our careers.  She said that marriage would just hold us back.  We didn't listen, and we  managed to do very well in both arenas.


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## LindaB (Aug 6, 2020)

grahamg said:


> I'm sure it happens as you say, (well, some women have told me it happened to them, after they had children, and put on weight, at least). Let's face it too, "plenty of men will chase anything going"!    .
> 
> I must have missed that bit where my wife did everything to please me!
> "Does that really happen?".      .


It does really happen! I still try my best to do little things that will please my hubby! He is five years younger than me and still working. My little retirement plan, lol


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## C'est Moi (Aug 6, 2020)

Why would anyone marry someone they want to change?


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## Aunt Marg (Aug 6, 2020)

C'est Moi said:


> Why would anyone marry someone they want to change?


My sentiment to a T!


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## grahamg (Aug 6, 2020)

C'est Moi said:


> Why would anyone marry someone they want to change?


Control freak?       .


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## AnnieA (Aug 7, 2020)

C'est Moi said:


> Why would anyone marry someone they want to change?



My brother (post #31 above)  thought he could 'tame'     ...and he actually used that word, the twit ... the wild women he married.   Thankfully using past tense because he got counseling and is mellowing with age.


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## Knight (Aug 7, 2020)

58 years ago neither my wife's mother nor my mother offered advice. Maybe that's really the best advice to not offer advice.


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## Pinky (Aug 7, 2020)

Knight said:


> 58 years ago neither my wife's mother nor my mother offered advice. Maybe that's really the best advice to not offer advice.


No advice from mother. I know she only hoped mine would not be dysfunctional as my parent's marriage was.


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## Gaer (Aug 8, 2020)

Another thing my Mother used to say was, "In marriage, you always have to compromise."
My question was, " If I like white and he likes black,  the only compromise is "gray"!  No one likes that.  so, Why is compromise always the best thing?
Shouldn't one person make the final decision?


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## DaveA (Aug 9, 2020)

Gaer said:


> Another thing my Mother used to say was, "In marriage, you always have to compromise."
> My question was, " If I like white and he likes black,  the only compromise is "gray"!  No one likes that.  so, Why is compromise always the best thing?
> Shouldn't one person make the final decision?


You make a good point. Compromise doesn't always provide the best solution to all problems.  Sometimes one person's decision is the better choice, as long as it's not always the same person.


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## grahamg (Aug 10, 2020)

jujube said:


> My MIL told my husband that she'd rather see him dead and buried than married to me. She referred to me as "The Wh0re of Babylon " on more than one occasion.
> Needless to say, she didn't come to the wedding.


"I call my wife treasure......,
she reminds me of something that's just been dug up!".    .
(acknowledgements to comedian, Led Dawson)


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## grahamg (Aug 10, 2020)

jerry old said:


> Chasing women is a full time job, after you catch one-retire


"My wife is a sex object, every time I ask for sex, she objects!    ." (courtesy of Led Dawson again).


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