# Tell me a lie.



## Falcon (Feb 15, 2015)

I'll start,

   "your check is in the mail."


----------



## rkunsaw (Feb 15, 2015)

It wasn't me.


----------



## Kadee (Feb 15, 2015)

I love heights


----------



## Meanderer (Feb 15, 2015)

Of course I remember you!


----------



## QuickSilver (Feb 15, 2015)

Those pants DON'T make your ass look fat!


----------



## AZ Jim (Feb 15, 2015)

You can trust me.


----------



## GeneMO (Feb 15, 2015)

Tractor was running when I parked it !!

Gene


----------



## Grumpy Ol' Man (Feb 15, 2015)

If you elect me I promise to .......

Honest, Officer, I didn't ........

That's so easy I could do it with my eyes closed.


----------



## jujube (Feb 15, 2015)

This will just sting a little....


----------



## DoItMyself (Feb 15, 2015)

I'm a politician and I'm here to help you.


----------



## Bullie76 (Feb 15, 2015)

My dog did it.


----------



## Cookie (Feb 15, 2015)

No, you didn't wake me.


----------



## Ina (Feb 15, 2015)

I didn't inhale. :wave:


----------



## Cookie (Feb 15, 2015)

You look fine.


----------



## Shirley (Feb 15, 2015)

I'm going on a diet tomorrow.


----------



## SifuPhil (Feb 15, 2015)

... but it's the truth!


----------



## AprilT (Feb 15, 2015)

........


----------



## Shirley (Feb 15, 2015)

I never make oopsies! :lofl:


----------



## Shirley (Feb 15, 2015)

Phil, I must say, you look better with your clothes on.


----------



## AprilT (Feb 15, 2015)

Shirley said:


> I never make oopsies! :lofl:



:lol1:


----------



## Shirley (Feb 15, 2015)

Well, it's the truth!:lol1:


----------



## Ina (Feb 15, 2015)

I'll tell you no lies.


----------



## AprilT (Feb 15, 2015)

Shirley said:


> Well, it's the truth!:lol1:




MOM!  Shirley's telling lies again.


----------



## Shirley (Feb 15, 2015)

Not the Kid. Snicker, snicker.


----------



## Meanderer (Feb 15, 2015)

"My chopper was shot down"!


----------



## Meanderer (Feb 15, 2015)

Falcon said:


> I'll start,
> 
> "your check is in the mail."


Excellent thread John....you're second rep is in the mail!


----------



## Shirley (Feb 15, 2015)

It's not your money I love.


----------



## Cookie (Feb 15, 2015)

I'll be right back.


----------



## Shirley (Feb 15, 2015)

This turkey is delicious.


----------



## hollydolly (Feb 15, 2015)

No really...it's not you, it's me...


----------



## jujube (Feb 15, 2015)

My children don't eat candy and never watch television. 

My dog is very friendly.

Why, yes! I did read that book!


----------



## hollydolly (Feb 15, 2015)

Sorry, I couldn't get a signal on my phone..


----------



## AprilT (Feb 15, 2015)

Yes, of course I believe you.


----------



## Shirley (Feb 15, 2015)

It's the first time for me, too.


----------



## hollydolly (Feb 15, 2015)

Oh this old thing?..I've had this for ages..


----------



## Falcon (Feb 15, 2015)

Shirley said:


> It's the first time for me, too.



   :lol1:


----------



## Shirley (Feb 15, 2015)

No, that dress doesn't make your ass look fat.

(Your ass makes that dress look fat.)


----------



## Cookie (Feb 15, 2015)

I'm not mad.


----------



## Shirley (Feb 15, 2015)

Of course, I forgive you, dear.


----------



## Falcon (Feb 15, 2015)

Thanks for your responses.

NOW, you all can start patting out the flames in your pants.


----------



## jujube (Feb 15, 2015)

Cookie said:


> I'm not mad.



I believe in forgive and forget, so we'll just put this behind us and never speak of it again <translation: I will make the rest of your life a living hell....>


----------



## Laurie (Feb 16, 2015)

It was only £50 (insert your own figure and currency!).


----------



## Ameriscot (Feb 16, 2015)

No, dear, it didn't cost very much at all.


----------



## Ralphy1 (Feb 16, 2015)

I did not have sex with that woman...


----------



## Ameriscot (Feb 16, 2015)

Ralphy1 said:


> I did not have sex with that woman...



Sorry, Ralphy but the evidence is on the dress!!


----------



## Ken N Tx (Feb 16, 2015)

I will call you 

We must get together soon

You haven't aged a bit


----------



## Ken N Tx (Feb 16, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> Those pants DON'T make your ass look fat!


----------



## oldman (Feb 16, 2015)

"With all due respect..........."


----------



## Ameriscot (Feb 16, 2015)

I'm sorry, but.....


----------



## hollydolly (Feb 16, 2015)

oldman said:


> "With all due respect..........."



...am I the only one who says that and actually means it?...I only ever say it if I'm disagreeing with a person's point of view but still respecting their right to hold that view


----------



## oldman (Feb 16, 2015)

Ask a lawyer what that really means. I have a friend that is a judge and he tells me the worse thing that a lawyer can say to him is this line. I asked him why and he told me. Maybe it only means what he says it does in my part of the country, but if what he says is true about this line, it's very offensive.


----------



## Pappy (Feb 16, 2015)

I just turned "39."


----------



## oakapple (Feb 16, 2015)

This is going to hurt me, more than it hurts you!


----------



## Pappy (Feb 16, 2015)

This cod liver oil will make you feel better. Ugh......


----------



## Ina (Feb 16, 2015)

I'm just here to help you.


----------



## Pappy (Feb 16, 2015)

As the nurse comes out with a 5 inch needle, "This might pinch a little."


----------



## Kadee (Feb 16, 2015)

I have never coloured my hair


----------



## Ken N Tx (Feb 17, 2015)

"The doctor will see you shortly"


----------



## Ralphy1 (Feb 17, 2015)

Will you love me tomorrow?  Of course...


----------



## oldman (Feb 17, 2015)

My wife:

"I'll be ready when you are."


----------



## Pappy (Feb 17, 2015)

I will stop and ask for directions.


----------



## oakapple (Feb 17, 2015)

I'm a natural blonde.


----------



## ~Lenore (Feb 18, 2015)

*Bless your heart, I know you are innocent.*


----------



## Kadee (Feb 18, 2015)

I only ate one Chocolate biscuit


----------



## Pappy (Feb 18, 2015)

I did not inhale.


----------



## Cookie (Feb 18, 2015)

Your baby is so cute!


----------



## Lon (Feb 18, 2015)

I was just resting my eyes.


----------



## tnthomas (Feb 18, 2015)

I only had TWO beers officer.....


----------



## Kadee (Feb 18, 2015)

I didn't see the speed limit sign


----------



## drifter (Feb 18, 2015)

I did but I didn't inhale.


----------



## Pappy (Feb 19, 2015)

Thank you doctor. I needed more pills to take.


----------



## Sunny (Feb 19, 2015)

I only have a salad or plain Greek yogurt for lunch every day.


----------



## AprilT (Feb 19, 2015)

I know hardly anything real about you, but, I consider you a friend, really I do.


----------



## AZ Jim (Feb 19, 2015)

No!  Really I'm not upset with you.


----------



## 911 (Feb 19, 2015)

I could never put them all on this forum. I have heard hundreds and maybe thousands. I never knew what I was going to be told when I asked the two most common questions by a cop; What's the hurry? Why did you do it? You can fill in the blanks, but I am warning you, I have probably heard it. 

I stopped a speeder on the interstate maybe 10 years back doing 88 in a 65 zone. I walked up to the car and before I even asked for his license and so forth, he blurts out that his wife is having a baby. I looked in his vehicle expecting to see a lady lying on the back seat, but no one was there. I said that no one was there and then I asked him if he left her at home? He said no, man, she's at the hospital waiting for me to get there before the delivery. I told him I would give him an escort, but I was going to verify his story and if he was lying, he was going to be in deep 'you know what.' We got to the hospital a few miles away and I went upstairs to maternity with him and luckily for him he was truthful. I felt sort of crappy for doubting him, so I took up a collection at the barracks from the other officers because they looked like a young couple starting out and just to give back a little for being a turd myself. I gave it to the nurse and asked her to give the couple the envelope with the card and money in it. I did find out that they were pretty low on funds, so it was a help, I'm sure. We got a phone call later thanking us. It was nice.


----------

