# Beginners tools explained



## Pappy (May 22, 2018)

*Tools explained*


*Tools explained*

[FONT=.SFUIText-HeavyItalic]*Drill Press*[/FONT]
*A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.*

[FONT=.SFUIText-HeavyItalic]*Wire Wheel*[/FONT]
*Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh, shit!"*

[FONT=.SFUIText-HeavyItalic]*Skill Saw*[/FONT]
*A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.*

[FONT=.SFUIText-HeavyItalic]*Pliers*[/FONT]
*Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.*

[FONT=.SFUIText-HeavyItalic]*Belt Sander*[/FONT]
*An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.*

[FONT=.SFUIText-HeavyItalic]*Hacksaw*[/FONT]
*One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the  more dismal your future becomes.*

[FONT=.SFUIText-HeavyItalic]*Vise-Grips*[/FONT]
*Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.*

[FONT=.SFUIText-HeavyItalic]*Oxyacetylene Torch*[/FONT]
*Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.*

[FONT=.SFUIText-HeavyItalic]*Table Saw*[/FONT]
*A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.*

[FONT=.SFUIText-HeavyItalic]*Hydraulic Floor Jack*[/FONT]
*Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.*

[FONT=.SFUIText-HeavyItalic]*Band Saw*[/FONT]
*A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.*

[FONT=.SFUIText-HeavyItalic]*Two-Ton Engine Hoist*[/FONT]
*A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.*

[FONT=.SFUIText-HeavyItalic]*Phillips Screwdriver*[/FONT]
*Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.*

[FONT=.SFUIText-HeavyItalic]*Straight Screwdriver*[/FONT]
*A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.*

[FONT=.SFUIText-HeavyItalic]*Pry Bar*[/FONT]
*A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.*

[FONT=.SFUIText-HeavyItalic]*Hose Cutter*[/FONT]
*A tool used to make hoses too short.*

[FONT=.SFUIText-HeavyItalic]*Hammer*[/FONT]
*Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit usually smashing the thumb that is holding the object that you are trying to pound into whatever it is that you are working on effectively eliminating the need for manicure care on that thumbnail for weeks.   See: Son-of-a-bitch TOOL*

[FONT=.SFUIText-HeavyItalic]*Utility Knife*[/FONT]
*Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your  front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records,  liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or  plastic parts. It is especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.*

[FONT=.SFUIText-HeavyItalic]*Son-of-a-Bitch Tool*[/FONT]
*Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling, "Son of a bitch" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.*


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## RadishRose (May 22, 2018)

Hah! The only one I understood was the last one! layful:


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## Lara (May 22, 2018)

"Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Tools but Were Afraid To Ask" ...Thanks Pappy :rofl:


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## NancyNGA (May 22, 2018)

And I always assumed it was just me... *

Hacksaw*
*One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.*


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## NancyNGA (May 22, 2018)




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## Keesha (May 22, 2018)

NancyNGA said:


>



Yes indeed Nancy. You got that right. :rofl:


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## Meanderer (May 22, 2018)




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## Pappy (May 22, 2018)




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## Meanderer (May 22, 2018)




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## Meanderer (May 22, 2018)

What's Inside a Viking Tool Chest


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## Lara (May 22, 2018)

The Studley Tool Chest...


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## IKE (May 22, 2018)

With me being a 32º Scottish Rite Mason the square, compass and *'G'* in the lower right hand corner of the Studley Tool Chest and again 3/4 of the way down on the far left immediately caught my eye.

The tool chest was designed and named after Henry O. Studley (1838-1925) who was Civil War veteran and also a Mason.


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## Meanderer (May 22, 2018)

How much is too much?


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## NancyNGA (May 22, 2018)




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## Geezerette (May 22, 2018)

Loved this topic! My XH handled tools according to the Beginners rules, my Dad was a Mason & engineer & used the Studley form of tool care, & most of my kitchen tools are even older than Cracker Barrels.


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## Pappy (May 23, 2018)




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## Meanderer (May 23, 2018)

All the sounds you hear (except from the crash cymbal) come from the tools you see in the video!


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## NancyNGA (May 23, 2018)

What tools do I need to fix this?  



TIA


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## Lara (May 23, 2018)

IKE said:


> With me being a 32º Scottish Rite Mason the square, compass and *'G'* in the lower right hand corner of the Studley Tool Chest and again 3/4 of the way down on the far left immediately caught my eye.
> 
> The tool chest was designed and named after Henry O. Studley (1838-1925) who was Civil War veteran and also a Mason.
> 
> View attachment 52412


You're right. Good eye, Ike! My grandfather was also a Mason. I have his gold ring with the G compass on it, but I never saw it in that picture. Thank you for the heads up.


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## CeeCee (May 23, 2018)

Lara said:


> You're right. Good eye, Ike! My grandfather was also a Mason. I have his gold ring with the G compass on it, but I never saw it in that picture. Thank you for the heads up.




My husband was a 33 degree Mason and Scottish Rite and also Knight Templar.  I also have his ring. I hope I have it right, my memory is a little hazy since Ive totally forgotten he was even a mason until I saw this post.

I did fly back to Illinois to have a memorial for him at his old lodge in 2004. Memories (sigh)


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## Lara (May 24, 2018)

For those who don't think women know how to use tools...all us apple pie bakers are good with drills.


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## Meanderer (May 24, 2018)

How to Use a 5-in-1 Painting Tool


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## NancyNGA (May 25, 2018)




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## Meanderer (May 25, 2018)




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## NancyNGA (May 25, 2018)

Meanderer, I had to follow up on that shaving horse. Interesting.


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## Meanderer (May 25, 2018)

Nancy, here's a "horse-trading" story by Lincoln:

"At the end of the 1837 legislature, Lincoln decided to move to Springfield and practice law. He was offered a partnership by his old friend John T Stuart.

On one occasion, when it turned out his client had indulged in fraudulent practices, Lincoln walked out of the courtroom and refused to continue with the case. The judge sent a messenger directing him to return, but he refused.

" Tell the judge," he told the messenger, " that my hands are dirty and I've gone to wash them."

In spite of behavior like this, he got along well with the circuit judges. With one of them he got into a discussion about horse trading, and the discussion ended with an agreement that Lincoln and the judge would trade horses at 9 am the next morning. Both horses were to be unseen until the moment of the trade. 

Promptly at nine the judge appeared, leading the sorriest specimen of a horse ever seen in those parts._ In a few moments Lincoln appeared, carrying a wooden sawhorse over his shoulder._ He set down the sawhorse and inspected the judge's animal.

" Well Judge," he said, " that's the first time I ever got the worst of it in a horse trade."


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## NancyNGA (May 25, 2018)

Good story, Meanderer.   How about this coffee table from reclaimed wood (from the internet).   Don't know how they did that.  Can't get past Pinterest.


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## Pappy (May 26, 2018)




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## IKE (May 26, 2018)

Lara said:


> For those who don't think women know how to use tools...all us apple pie bakers are good with drills.



Whoa Lara, is that really a woman using the drill and apple peeler ?.

If so I think she needs to.....


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## Meanderer (May 26, 2018)

Horse Shoeing Ruby


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## NancyNGA (May 30, 2018)

Train car load of John Deere plows, 1882







_"John Deere failed as a blacksmith in Vermont but succeeded as an agricultural tool manufacturer in Illinois. His company built revolutionary plows like this early 1838 example." (~JD Website) _


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## Lara (May 30, 2018)

IKE said:


> Whoa Lara, is that really a woman using the drill and apple peeler ?.
> 
> If so I think she needs to.....
> 
> View attachment 52539


You just made me laugh. I realized it was a man after I posted it because the pic appeared larger and you could see the details but I thought, "Oh well, maybe no one will notice that". You did!


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## HipGnosis (May 31, 2018)

Meanderer said:


> How to Use a 5-in-1 Painting Tool


It always confuses me that the 5-in-1 paint tool has 6 uses.


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## Meanderer (Jun 8, 2018)




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## Meanderer (Jun 8, 2018)

Basic Bake-ware Tools Needed for Beginners


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## Meanderer (Jun 16, 2018)




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## Meanderer (Jun 16, 2018)




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## RadishRose (Jun 16, 2018)




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