# Depressed because I lost my mother, forever.



## Victor (Jul 13, 2015)

We knew the end was coming and it did but it was still surprising and sad to watch.
She lived longer than anyone else and was ready and waiting for this, so I am not sorry for her,
but I am so sorry for myself and siblings. She was my anchor, the one person I
could count on to talk to, though she often did not quite understand me.
. I choked up when I had to share my feelings with her. I hate this year and
this time in my life. 

Now there's numerous bothersome legal and money issues to settle and documents to file.
This takes much time and takes my attention away from my grief. Is that a
good or bad thing?
 I am more alone now than ever. I cannot even enjoy the summer
festivals and so on. Please do not tell me to join a group or go meet people. I'd rather
not...not at all. Too melancholy for that.


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## SeaBreeze (Jul 13, 2015)

Victor, I'm so sorry for your loss, my sincere condolences to you and your family.  Many seniors here, including myself, have seen our parents pass on...it's always heartbreaking...hugs.


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## applecruncher (Jul 13, 2015)

Sorry for your loss Victor.


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## Lon (Jul 13, 2015)

Focus on good memories Victor as you wade through the settlement of your mothers estate..


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## Warrigal (Jul 13, 2015)

Victor, grief is a good thing. It is the ointment your heart needs at this moment.
You have lost someone very special but she will never leave you entirely.

A couple of nights ago I sat up late watching the tennis at Wimbledon and in my mind, my mother was watching with me. It was a very warm feeling.
As Lon has posted, hold on to the good memories, even if they bring tears to the eyes. Memories are more tangible than we realise and good ones give us strength.


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## Glinda (Jul 13, 2015)

Victor, I know exactly how you feel as I just lost my mom last month.  All you can do is try to come to terms with it and, as Lon said, focus on the memories.  Please accept my deepest sympathy.  Take care.


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## Lara (Jul 13, 2015)

Victor said:
			
		

> ...issues to settle and documents to file. This takes much time and takes my attention away from my grief. Is that a good or bad thing? I am more alone now than ever. I cannot even enjoy the summer festivals and so on. Please do not tell me to join a group or go meet people. I'd rather not...not at all. Too melancholy for that.



You're right Victor, give yourself time to grieve, time to mourn. You're the only one that knows yourself and what your need is right now so, by all means, take your time with it. 

For some, staying busy helps, but that will come in your own time. Then someday, when you're stronger and your courage has returned, you must choose not to dwell in the darkness anymore.


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## jujube (Jul 13, 2015)

Victor, I'm sorry for your loss.  Grief follows its own schedule.


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## Shalimar (Jul 13, 2015)

Victor, my deepest condolences for the loss of your beloved mother. Please be gentle with yourself during this traumatic time. Depression is an inevitable part of loss. Take your time to sort out your grief, mourn as you must. Keeping busy never worked for me, I just had to wade through the pain until I could function again. I wish you the very best on this heartbreaking journey.


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## Butterfly (Jul 13, 2015)

Victor, I am so sorry for your loss.  I lost my mother thirty-some-odd years ago and I still miss her and think of her almost every day.  For me, trying to soldier on through the grief did not work, and I just had to take time to deal with it, let it wash over me and get through it.   Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve.


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## imp (Jul 13, 2015)

Upon my own Mother's passing, very suddenly, 2000 miles away from me, but only one mile from my sister, who could not go to her for being inebriated, I realized immediately there were myriad things I should have said, and many I did say and should not have, to my Mother, and now, it was too late........imp


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## hollydolly (Jul 14, 2015)

Condolences Victor...there's nothing quite like the heartbreak of losing your mother..someone who has always been there before you even knew the world existed.

I too lost my mother , I was just 18 years old with several much younger siblings to take care of, and console..and parent . That was 42 years ago...and I still think of my mother almost every day. ..but time eased the pain, and it will for you, even tho' you may not think so now..it really will, and one day you will find that ''today'' you didn't cry..or 'today' you actually laughed at something, even tho' you thought you'd never laugh again....and then you will know your heart is beginning to heal.


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## oldman (Jul 14, 2015)

I can still remember the day that I lost my Mom. Probably the worse day of my life. There is not another person on this planet like our Mom. When no one else seems to care about you, when you are at your lowest point in life, Mom will always be there to save you you from yourself. She will always give you some hope and she will always be there to pick you up no matter how old she is. 

You don't have to pretend everything is OK because everything is not OK. You have lost your Mom. Right now, grieving is important. The memories with your Mom will sustain you the rest of your life, but that can wait until your heart has healed. 

You have my sympathy.


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## 911 (Jul 14, 2015)

Victor: I am sorry for your loss. 
Be well.


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## RadishRose (Jul 14, 2015)

So sorry, Victor. Please accept my cyber-hug.


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## Debby (Jul 14, 2015)

Victor, I'm sure sorry to hear that you are missing her so much.  She must have been a lovely woman to have inspired so much love in you.  I hope that your grieving time isn't too long and painful and I hope that you have someone that you feel comfortable enough to talk to about how tough it is right now....if that's what you want.  My heart goes out to you.

Debby


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## WhatInThe (Jul 15, 2015)

Condolences! Good Luck through these tough times which hopefully will pass.

You will be reminded and think of her all the time. It's when you don't or forget then it might be time to fret.

Focus on the tasks ahead, stay strong for friends and family. 

PEACE


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## Victor (Jul 19, 2015)

Thanks, but I don't have a family or friends, to speak of. One sister and one friend I can count on.
Nowadays, it seems we get more support from strangers online like you than from people we know.
True for me. I have also lost my 2 dear and unique cat children recently. A very rough year.


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## Warrigal (Jul 19, 2015)

Victor, without meaning to sound judgemental, I have read somewhere that to have a friend you first have to be a friend.
I take this to mean that we have to reach out to others, not in a needy way, but in a spirit of openness and generosity. 
To do this you will have to come out of your house and engage with people with whom you are likely to have something in common.

Alternately, get involved in some community activity, a club, a cause etc  and before long you will be so absorbed that your troubles will appear to shrink.

Of course, being online in a forum as an active participant is also very useful in turning our inward thought towards the outside.
Keep sharing but also engage in discussions on different topics. It can be a lot of fun and having a giggle is great therapy for the spirit.


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## applecruncher (Jul 19, 2015)

Victor, I just re-activated a thread we had on Mother's Day where some of us posted pics of our mothers, most of whom are long gone. You're welcome to post.


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