# Do (Did) You Define Yourself By Your Work?



## OneEyedDiva (Jun 14, 2021)

For some people it's all about work. As the article points out, when meeting new people, the question "What do you do?" is often asked. For some people their work is so much a part of who they are that their self worth depends on them continuing to work. This article "I'm Retired: So Who Am I Now?" explores some of the major changes retirees face. https://www.nextavenue.org/im-retired-so-who-am-i-now/


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## Paco Dennis (Jun 14, 2021)

Yep. I swallowed the "work" pill when I was about 17and it lasted for about 20 years. Then I swallowed the "human" pill and simplified my work.


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## Aunt Marg (Jun 14, 2021)

My husband is retiring at the end of this year, he'll be 60, and for the first time in 60 years he'll get to enjoy life for himself. I am so happy for him, but I harvest sadness, too, because way too many years of our lives is spent working, and IMO, the return falls well short of rewarding one with those lost years and time.

Hubby definitely never defined himself by his work, he just did what he had to, but as Paco, mentioned, the sooner people take that wake up pill that allows them to wake up, come to their senses and snap out of their work stupor, the sooner they can get on with their own lives and start enjoying what little time they have left.

Never did understand those who work their entire lives and then drop dead a few years after retiring. For what? For who? A waste of a life as far as I'm concerned.


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## Don M. (Jun 14, 2021)

The transition to Retirement can be challenging.  After 40 years of working, I found it a bit strange to get up in the morning with nothing of any real importance to do.  A few routine household/yard duties didn't consume more than a fraction of the day...and sitting in front of the TV for hours is Not my idea of how to spend the day.  We did some traveling in my first year of retirement, and that helped, but wasn't much of a long term solution. 

We finally decided to move to a rural area, where the city noise, pollution, and crime, etc., isn't a problem, and I now have dozens of hours of good healthy outdoor work/chores to do every day that the weather permits.  This has been a good move, as we stay fairly fit and healthy with all this activity, and the days seem to pass very quickly.  One of the daughters and both grand daughters have also moved away from the city, and are within easy driving distance, so our family visits have increased. 

If we want a break from the routine, there is a nice casino about an hour away, and that is a bunch of fun....especially if we win.


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## Aunt Bea (Jun 14, 2021)

I never discussed my work or used it to define me outside of professional circles.

I've always been curious about how others see me or explain my existence.

When I stopped working at age 51 many people automatically assumed that I received some form of disability insurance or government assistance.

A few people close to me assumed that I had become wealthy through some stroke of good luck.

Nobody considered the idea that my comfortable little life was due to thrift and good management on my part.


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## Gary O' (Jun 14, 2021)

Do (Did) You Define Yourself By Your Work?​
No

For a time, maybe

I just look back at my history
.....and laugh

This topic reminds me of something I once put together


Seems life is divided up into indistinct sections of which we ease in to and out of, like a balloon coaxed thru a small opening, morphing sometimes without notice:​Eating/pooping (part 1, discovering texture)​
Preschool (intro to social, sharing)​
School (the teacher is God)​
Teenage (high school hell, for teen and parent, hormones are an entity requiring exorcism, the teacher is Satan)​
College/military (fun, fun, fun; learn, drink, fornicate, kill)​
Pre-parental Early adult (more fun, but serious, sipping not chugging, serious pursuits, mating, career)​
Parental (joy)​
Parental hell (see teenage)​
Midlife (see early adult, attempts at hindsight adjustments)​
Grandparent (brief joy)​
Grandparental hell (hiding, see teenage)​
Musing Youngish Geezer (lazy boy-crossword-Jeopardy sessions, looking upon mate with renewed ardour, reflecting, attempting things you did with ease years ago)​
Geezer (whazzat? Whoozzair?)​
Eating/pooping (part 2)...Nurse!? I did it again (toothless smile)​
Dirt nap​


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## Aunt Bea (Jun 14, 2021)

Gary O' said:


> Do (Did) You Define Yourself By Your Work?​
> No
> 
> For a time, maybe
> ...


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## Knight (Jun 14, 2021)

No.
The list of jobs makes it impossible to do that.

The question What Do You Do? was asked by a motivational speaker at one of the management retreats I went to. My answer.  I work with my sons on various home & car projects. She corrected her question to what position do you hold in the company.


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## Pecos (Jun 14, 2021)

I certainly did while I was in the Navy for 31 years, and especially when I became a Senior Officer. Being on active duty is a 24 hour job. It took a couple of years to let that get out of my system and gradually adapt to the idea of being an "ordinary Joe."

During my 14 year civilian career, I felt sad to see do many retired officers who continued to hang around the Officers Club thinking that they were still actively involved. It was particularly disgusting for me to interact with other Companies and see signs on their Office Doors listing their former military ranks. This is certainly not the path toward reality and contentment in retirement. I have gradually withdrawn from being actively involved with retired military associations and simply desire to drift contentedly down the trail toward the sunset with my wonderful wife.


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## asp3 (Jun 14, 2021)

Nope.  Work is a necessary evil to keep me fed and sheltered with some additional funds to enjoy life.  If I could be paid to do what I love work would define me.  However it only defines a part of me.  I do love some aspects of working and my work life, but overall I'd love to be paid to do whatever the heck I want to do.

I work to live, I don't live to work.


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## Manatee (Jun 14, 2021)

I retired 24 years ago, work is a distant memory.


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## Pink Biz (Jun 14, 2021)

*Not at all. I disliked working and only did it to support myself. My work habits and lack of discipline reflected that.*


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## Pecos (Jun 14, 2021)

I have to admit that except for the years of 1967 and 2004, I really did enjoy the work I did. My assignment in 1967 was frightfully boring, and in 2004 I had to witness Government employees fight like cats and dogs. I called it quits in Nov of 2004.


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## squatting dog (Jun 15, 2021)

Aunt Bea said:


>


Glen Campbell's   "Fate of Man"  ... the two line's at the end......    
He's worked all his life to get things the way he wants them
He comes here against his will and he goes away disappointed


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## horseless carriage (Jun 15, 2021)

My working life has been in the logistics industry. That simply means the movement, storage and delivery of goods. 
Since the invention of the internal combustion engine and it's enhancement by Rudolf Diesel, the delivery of goods has been the arteries of modern society.

My role was that of head honcho in the distribution centre. The company that I worked for, back in the day (Hays) were a forward thinking organisation. They wanted their managers to know the work pressures of the people for whom they were responsible for. The analogy they used was that the conductor of an orchestra may not be able to play every instrument, but he could tell if anyone was out of tune. To that end I had to learn, and pass the appropriate tests to gain a licence in order to drive large trucks and fork lift trucks.

Call it inverted snobbery if you like, but whenever I was asked what I did, and if I suspected an ulterior reason, like oneupmanship, I would say: "I'm a truck driver," then to qualify that, I would show my licence that was necessary to drive such vehicles. Following that I would change the subject or engage conversation with someone else. It always garnered a reaction, reason being, my home is not what the average truck driver could afford to live in.


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## Victor (Jun 17, 2021)

Yes too much and still do though retired. I am reading and writing in areas of expertise because I want to   Sadly few people especially not ladies are the slightest bit interested or understand it. Money talks!!


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## funsearcher! (Jun 17, 2021)

Surprisingly, once I left my work, I have rarely thought about it. I was very involved for over 40 years, but once I was done, I was done. Retirement has been tough since I discovered knee problems and had surgery and recovery, then moved. Seems like I have been waiting so long for my retirement to start for real!!


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## OneEyedDiva (Jun 18, 2021)

Pecos said:


> I certainly did while I was in the Navy for 31 years, and especially when I became a Senior Officer. Being on active duty is a 24 hour job. It took a couple of years to let that get out of my system and gradually adapt to the idea of being an "ordinary Joe."
> 
> During my 14 year civilian career, I felt sad to see do many retired officers who continued to hang around the Officers Club thinking that they were still actively involved. It was particularly disgusting for me to interact with other Companies and see signs on their Office Doors listing their former military ranks. This is certainly not the path toward reality and contentment in retirement. I have gradually withdrawn from being actively involved with retired military associations and simply desire to drift contentedly down the trail toward the sunset with my wonderful wife.


After I retired, I visited my former co-worker/friends/family every couple of weeks for a few months. I had an excuse though...besides missing them. I sold aromatherapy products at the time and had customers in the building.  I finally stopped going. I used to have dreams that I worked there pro-bono but didn't do my paperwork. And when I thought I'd get in trouble for it, I remembered I am retired and not being paid for this.  Glad you developed the attitude you have and in fact do have that wonderful life with your wonderful wife.


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## Nathan (Jun 18, 2021)

OneEyedDiva said:


> Do (Did) You Define Yourself By Your Work?


Yes, and it took a while to "find" myself after I retired.  I actually took a similar job for a couple years after my initial retirement.     

Now that I have re-invented myself all of those memories of my working career are fading, and being replaced by my present life occurrences.


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## CarolfromTX (Jun 19, 2021)

Well, I was a teacher, and I‘m a mom and nana. Lots of crossover skills there. Since teaching is so much more than just book learning, I guess it did define me in many ways. Even though I’m retired now, it probably still does.


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## fmdog44 (Jun 19, 2021)

I loved my work and in one sense it was a curse simply because of the people I interacted with over the years that saw work as too demanding of their time.  Overhearing comments about me throughout the years I would say my work did in part, define me but in my defense when I left at the end of the day work did not exist. Almost like Jekyll & Hyde.


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## StarSong (Jun 19, 2021)

I've always defined myself in many ways.  Of course my career partly defined me because all those invested hours were part of my life.  

If asked to define myself I would list at least 30 aspects of my life that make me who I am. What I did for a living would be included in that list.


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## Jules (Jun 19, 2021)

When I retired, I walked moved away and never really thought about it again, though while working I would often dream of a technical solutions.  

In new social settings it was obvious that employment definitely factored into conversations.


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## HarryHawk (Jun 19, 2021)

I never thought of myself as being defined by my job during my work life.  I did alot of things, and made a number of job changes.  I worked as an Aquatic Biologist, design engineer, Project Manager, Software engineering manager and a trainer.

After I retired I started to volunteer at a great non-profit.  I teach martial arts to children with chronic diseases.  We tell the kids we are teaching them karate, and we do some punching and kicking in the air; but mostly we teach them meditation and pain management techniques.  I find my volunteer work extremely rewarding and fulfilling.  Truth be told, I get more from the children then I can possibly give back to them.


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## Ruthanne (Jun 19, 2021)

No, I did not define myself by my work when I was very young--odd jobs, then worked at the university and sort of defined myself by my job and education but I have fallen away from that in recent years.


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## JonDouglas (Jul 7, 2021)

I don't think I was ever defined by my work, perhaps because I had so many different and varied jobs and employers.  Maybe I could be somewhat defined by all the things I did and/or didn't do.  Regardless, the transition from work to retirement was as easy as riding on down a beautiful road on a beautiful day.  I never much identified with the work I did.  Rather, I took jobs and did work that was interesting and available.  Perhaps the secret to a happy retirement is to do things you are interested in and enjoy and forget about your former work life, whatever that was.  For a good number of things, my attitude is "been there, done that, not interested any more."  The exception to that is riding motorcycles, traveling, photography and reading.  The new interesting things are numerous.


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## Alligatorob (Jul 7, 2021)

OneEyedDiva said:


> Do (Did) You Define Yourself By Your Work?​


Too much so, wish I had not.  But its too late now...


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## Cameron (Jul 7, 2021)

work even as a teenager ( pocket money to take girls out) to the day i retired.  met some great people, had some great jobs, saw the world but it was never more than a way to get 'out'.   guess i always missed the carefree days of a teenager.  I've done everything from night time cleaner at burger king to managing some global IT in a big corporation.   Lots of laughs in the latter and challenges, much more fun in the former with free coca cola and fries.   I traveled with my ex (hungarian) a lot in europe and she always found she and her friends could not understand now north american defined themselves by their job.   same talking to some brazilians one night in san recife.


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## RadishRose (Jul 7, 2021)

I never did.


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## Keesha (Jul 7, 2021)

In a sense yes I did. Like others here have mentioned, investing a lot of time in something makes it valuable but I tried not to get to attach.


Pink Biz said:


> *Not at all. I disliked working and only did it to support myself. My work habits and lack of discipline reflected that.*


I applaud your honesty. I disliked working for others so my last years of working was self directed which I found much easier.

I’m very surprised how well my husband has taken to retirement. He defined himself by the work he did but retirement is really suiting him. He’s adjusting well.

Both our fathers had a difficult time retiring.


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## Verisure (Jul 8, 2021)

I have had so many unrelated jobs travelling round the world that I cannot pick any one of them in honesty and say that it defines me. I am highly industrious and innovative if I find the job interesting but I am completely useless if the job is boring to me. Some have begged me to stay but others have fired me from the job. I think it is what I’ve done between jobs that defines me most: Adventurous and leisurely but definitely not lazy. I think of myself as a *"problem solver"* by thought and invention and that is how I'd like others to think of me too. Yes, that's my answer.


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## Verisure (Jul 8, 2021)

Pecos said:


> I certainly did while I was in the Navy for 31 years, and especially when I became a Senior Officer. Being on active duty is a 24 hour job. It took a couple of years to let that get out of my system and gradually adapt to the idea of being an "ordinary Joe."
> During my 14 year civilian career,* I felt sad to see do many retired officers who continued to hang around the Officers Club thinking that they were still actively involved*. It was particularly disgusting for me to interact with other Companies and see signs on their Office Doors listing their former military ranks. This is certainly not the path toward reality and contentment in retirement. I have gradually withdrawn from being actively involved with retired military associations and simply desire to drift contentedly down the trail toward the sunset with my wonderful wife.


Well said. A woman who lives across the street from us is one of those. You can see her almost the whole day puttering around the neigbourhood picking up litter and poking between the branches of bushes looking for broken twigs to take to the rubbish bin. Every time workmen show up with some job to do in the area or the rubbish collector's truck comes she quickly dashes over to give her opinion on how the job should be done. She stands there 'in the way' with her mouth flapping and won't leave them alone even when it's lunchtime and they find a place to sit and eat their sandwiches and such. I used to like her and feel sorry for her. *But *one Winter's day she complained to me about my bonsai on my balcony. She said they were ugly. I explained to her, *"Bonsai are trees so they shed their leaves every Winter just like the trees in the wild but come back to life in the Spring when they are very beautiful and rewarding .... and that since my retirement they are the only true passion I have."* She made a huff of disgust and told me I should remove them.


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## Verisure (Jul 8, 2021)

OneEyedDiva said:


> After I retired, I visited my former co-worker/friends/family every couple of weeks for a few months. I had an excuse though...besides missing them. I sold aromatherapy products at the time and had customers in the building.  I finally stopped going. I used to have dreams that I worked there pro-bono but didn't do my paperwork. And when I thought I'd get in trouble for it, I remembered I am retired and not being paid for this.  Glad you developed the attitude you have and in fact do have that wonderful life with your wonderful wife.


I read this and thought, *"How can I respond in a way that expresses my feelings?"* Now I know how ..... let the emojis do the talking:  +


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## win231 (Jul 8, 2021)

I think most people do.  Maybe that's why when we're asked "What kind of work do you do?" we don't say, "I drive a truck," or "I repair cars."
We say, "I *am* a truck driver" or "I *am* a mechanic."  That makes it sound like that's *what *we are, or that's *all* we are.


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## Remy (Jul 9, 2021)

No. But I think people at work define me. I never seem to fit in anywhere. At least I feel that way.


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## Verisure (Jul 9, 2021)

Remy said:


> No. But I think people at work define me. I never seem to fit in anywhere. At least I feel that way.


As far as I can see you fit in just fine here. Why not start telling people that you're a professional forum *"débatteur"*?


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## chrislind2 (Jul 13, 2021)

My father was a workaholic and I never really was, although I liked to spend money so I had to work. I worked at a sawmill for 12 years and thought that would be my retirement job. Well the anti-logging people shut that down and I went to work for a company that puts video games and pinballs in businesses and we split the money with them. Been there 41 years and I am finally financially able to walk, I mean run away. It was fun at first, but like any job you have this long it gets boring and we move a lot of heavy equipment, so It's getting physically difficult. Unlike my father I could disconnect from my job when I went home and I always wanted to be home at the same time to be with my wife and kids. So I guess I can say I tried my best to not be a slave to my job, but often felt I was. About the only part I really enjoyed was that the games eventually used computers and I learned to work on them and computers have become one of my hobbies.


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## Skyking (Jul 13, 2021)

In the past I did define myself by what I did, but not anymore. It's almost pointless memories now. Nobody really cares and I'm ok with that.


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## OneEyedDiva (Jul 15, 2021)

Remy said:


> No. But I think people at work define me. I never seem to fit in anywhere. At least I feel that way.


I agree with what @Verisure replied to you Remy!


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## Uptosnuff (Jul 15, 2021)

I have worked most of my adult life but I don't define myself by it.  Maybe it's because I'm rarely, if ever, asked "what do you do?"  My husband is asked this but I'm not.  Huh.

I will retire in about a month and I'm so excited I can't wait.  All kinds of plans.


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## Remy (Jul 15, 2021)

Thank you @OneEyedDiva.


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## old medic (Sep 15, 2021)

This is actually the hardest part I'm facing about me retiring...  I have been working on saving lives in a small county nearly 36 years... Both at work and volunteer. I have helped build the system, trained many of the medics I'm leaving behind... I routinely am stopped while in public and thanked for taking care of so and so.... for stuff thats happened YEARS ago... And as the news spreads of my retiring... have gotten several " You Cant" comments... I'm proud of my career , but its time for a break.


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## Buckeye (Sep 15, 2021)

I remember a line from an old movie (or was it a book/short story?) where a woman introduced her male friend to a third party as "this is Joe.  He's a mail man." to which Joe replied, "I deliver the mail, that's what I do, but it isn't who I am."

I worked as an accountant because I opened up the course catalog (showing my age here..) at the front instead of the back.  Otherwise I would have been a zoologist


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## feywon (Sep 15, 2021)

No.


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## JimBob1952 (Sep 15, 2021)

No.  In my own mind I've always been a student.  My favorite thing in life (other than my family) is learning about things.  I worked to make money to support the family I loved, and the fact that my work offered me the opportunity to learn some things was a bonus.


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## dseag2 (Oct 17, 2021)

Resurrecting this excellent thread.  My dad retired in his 60's.  He was a financial advisor and still watched the "ticker tapes" on TV every day to follow the stock market.  His entire fortune was wrapped up in the stock market and he became severely depressed during Black Friday in 1989.  I know what this meant to him but the stock market did rally again.

So, I spent 35 years in my career with public companies and always realized #1 they cared nothing about me and I only needed them for my livelihood and #2 financial situations can change, things work out and I couldn't worry like my dad.  I do invest and manage my finances.  I'm not fiscally irresponsible.

So, after 20 years at my company my position was eliminated in June 2020.  Especially after reflecting during the Covid lockdown I had already redefined myself from a personal rather than career perspective.  I never cared about the fact that I was a VP of Sales and instead looked at it as a means to make a living so that I could enjoy retirement.  When people ask me what I do now I just tell them I am retired and extremely happy.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Oct 18, 2021)

The first time I retired, I was only 50. I've "retired" so many times since then that I've lost track. I'm 80 now and recently found another job...but this one is only 20/hrs/wk. Does that make me semi-retired?


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## Verisure (Oct 18, 2021)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> The first time I retired, I was only 50. I've "retired" so many times since then that I've lost track. I'm 80 now and recently found another job...but this one is only 20/hrs/wk. *Does that make me semi-retired?*


No ... it makes you semi-employed.


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## Llynn (Oct 18, 2021)

In truth, I got into what became my career by accident.  I had no passion for it, but I was good at it and it provided me with a comfortable living for the many years that I played the game. The last five or so years, I loathed what I did for a living but I kept my game face on and made the best of it. 

When the opportunity to retire came along, I was more than ready but I found the firm wasn't really ready to let me go so I stayed around part time for a few more years. 

I never identified myself by my work. In fact, I used to secretly laugh at those in my field who seemed to take it too seriously. I labeled them "terminally professional".  While I held a position in the National Society, I became famous for insisting what we did wasn't a profession but rather a racket. The newly minted Masters degree folks (especially the certification collectors) thought I was horrible but most people who had been around for a bit knew what I was saying.


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## palides2021 (Oct 18, 2021)

I'm continually redefining myself and am in my third career. My motto is to keep growing and learning, even as a retiree.


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## Tish (Oct 18, 2021)

No, I don't define myself by work.


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## Michael Z (Oct 19, 2021)

My job, like many, became an all-hours consuming job at least during the week, due to the use of technology. Technology was meant to liberate us but instead often becomes our slave master! Just retired last May, and am SO GLAD I WAS ABLE TO!


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## Nathan (Oct 19, 2021)

> Do (Did) You Define Yourself By Your Work?



Oh yea, bigtime.  it was tough to shake off, but now after 9 years of retirement I no longer define myself by the work I did for 45+ years.


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## Ladybj (Oct 19, 2021)

I am retired.  People ask me what I do, I let them know I am working on my PHD in Lifeology 
Retired and blessed to be retired.  My jobs never defined me.


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