# You Know You're Getting Old When...



## SeaBreeze (Jun 19, 2014)

*You Know You're Getting 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





 When...*



- When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

- When your doctor doesn't give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.

- When you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.

- When your wife says, "Let's go upstairs and make love" and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"

- When you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

- You know you're getting old when your semi-annual erection becomes an annual semi-erection!

- You and your teeth don't sleep together.

- Your back goes out, but you stay home.

- You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.

- It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

- Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

- Happy hour is a nap.

- When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure that the street is still there.

- Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

- It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

- Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.

- The pharmacist has become you new best friend.

- It takes twice as long to look half as good.

- The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.

- You look for your glasses for a half an hour, and then find that they were on your head all the time.

- You get two invitations to go out on the same night, and you pick the one that gets you home the earliest.

- You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.

- You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.

- You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

- You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.

- You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.

- You don't know real embarrassment until your hip sets off a metal detector.

- Let's face it, traveling just isn't as much fun when all the historical sites are younger than you are.

- Every time you suck in your gut, your ankles swell.

- You're suffering from Mallzheimer's disease. You go to the mall and forget where I parked my car.

- Age always corresponds inversely to the size of your multi-vitamin.

- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

- It's harder and harder for ****** harassment charges to stick.

- If you've never smoked, you can start now and it won't have time to hurt you.

- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

- Your eyes won't get much worse.

- Adult diapers are actually kind of convenient.

- Things you buy now won't wear out.

- No one expects you to run into a burning building.

- There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

- Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

- In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

- You're sitting on a park bench, and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.

- Someone compliments you on your layered look.... and you're wearing a bikini.

- You start video taping daytime game shows.

- Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

- Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."

- It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

- You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."

- You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.

- You look both ways before crossing a room.

- You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.

- You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.

- You realize that a stamp today costs more than a picture show did when you were growing up.

- Your childhood toys are now in a museum.

- Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.

- The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... come back in style.

- All of your favorite movies are now re-released in color.

- The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.

- You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

- Your back goes out more than you do. 

- You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. 

- You buy a compass for the dash of your car. 

- Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn't breaking any laws. 

- Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

- You sing along with the elevator music. 

- You would rather go to work than stay home sick. 

- You constantly talk about the price of gasoline. 

- You enjoy hearing about other people's operations. 

- You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

- You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 

- People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?" 

- You have a dream about prunes. 

- The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants. 

- You wear black socks with sandals. 

- You know what the word "equity" means. 

- You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television. 

- Your ears are hairier than your head. 

- You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn. 

- You get into a heated argument about pension plans. 

- You got cable for the weather channel. 

- You can go bowling without drinking. 

- You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. 

- Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

- You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.

- Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.

- Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.

- Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.

- You look forward to a dull evening.

- Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

- You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.

- You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.

- You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.

- You don't remember being absent minded.

- "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.

- Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

- Tying one on means fastening your Medic Alert bracelet.


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## Michael. (Jun 20, 2014)

.

What a long list - I will pass that one on.



.​


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## Pappy (Jun 20, 2014)

Good ones everyone. Here's a couple.


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## Falcon (Jun 20, 2014)

Sea,  Why'd you bring this up ?  I was having such a good day.


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## Shirley (Jun 24, 2014)

- You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

You mean it's not?!?!?!?


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## Kaya (Jun 24, 2014)

HA HA SB!! I resembles lots of those remarks. layful:


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## JustBonee (Jun 25, 2014)

_"You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it."   ... _That one.


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## Meanderer (Jun 25, 2014)

You know you are old when the only females who pursue you are mosquitoes.


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## Pappy (Jun 25, 2014)

You know you're getting old when you put your false teeth in upside down and have to stand on your head to eat.:why:


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## Mollie (Jun 25, 2014)

You know when you are getting old when you have gone upstairs, then forgotten what you actually went up there for. :rofl1:


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## Pappy (Jun 25, 2014)

You know you're getting old when:


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## Meanderer (Jun 25, 2014)

You know your old when you have a glass eye and are allergic to olive oil! 

View attachment 8027


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## Shirley (Jun 25, 2014)

Pappy said:


> You know you're getting old when:











 Bwahahahaha!


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## Pappy (Jun 26, 2014)

You know you're getting old when:


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## Jackie22 (Jun 26, 2014)

LOL....very funny, Pappy, I like the one with the ladybug, now where are those 'old men' pictures.


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## Pappy (Jun 26, 2014)

Here you go, Jackie.


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## Pappy (Jun 26, 2014)

Forgot the damn pictures. I know I'm getting old.


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## Jackie22 (Jun 26, 2014)

LOL, Pappy, I've seen some of those high belt lines.


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## Pappy (Jun 26, 2014)

My Dad is 98 and his pants are up around his neck now.


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