# Adult Niece's Unacceptable Behavior



## maplebeez (Jun 8, 2019)

I have had a close relationship with my niece since the day she was born. But today I'm ticked off because she's still declining my dinner invitations, insisting that with working full-time, caring for her baby & her household chores, it's too hard for them to come for dinner. Yet she & her husband make weekend plans with their friends & take time off work for long-weekend trips, with the baby, to visit college friends. I last heard from her weeks ago, when she said, we have to get together, because they still have my Christmas gift (I made sure she, her husband & the baby got their gifts) but with her busy schedule she wasn't able to set a date. 

Yesterday I tried again inviting them to my home for dinner some weekend this summer & she sends me a text saying their summer weekends are booked up until after Labor Day! I've only seen the baby twice since he was born eight months ago. Her repeated excuses upset me (they don't seem to bother her Dad) & I know this wouldn't be happening if her mother was still alive. What's an Aunt to do?


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## RadishRose (Jun 8, 2019)

What would happen if her "_mother was still alive"_?


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## maplebeez (Jun 8, 2019)

Her mother would tell her, most of our family is gone, and deciding to cut out the few who are still alive, who've loved & supported you, your entire life........is wrong.


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## Aunt Bea (Jun 8, 2019)

maplebeez said:


> What's an Aunt to do?



You need to confront her and ask what is going on or leave her alone.

I would leave her alone.

Good luck to all of you.


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## Colleen (Jun 8, 2019)

My son, who's going to be 46 soon, told me recently that he hates me for abandoning him. He was 23 at the time! Anyway, there's a lot more to the story but another thing he's complaining about is that we lived "too far away" and "it just wasn't feasible to drive 45 minutes to see me". This was when we lived in PA years ago. However, he and his girlfriend never had a problem driving with her parents to Erie or Pittsburgh, which was at least 2 hours from them to go to hockey games or shopping.

My point is...there may be underlying reasons on her part that you're not aware of. I had NO idea my son resented me and hated me. I have no contact with him and, even though he'll always be my son, I'm not willing to be his doormat.

You need to have a chat with her and clear the air.


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## Falcon (Jun 8, 2019)

Ignore   her.   She  doesn't   deserve  you.


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## Knight (Jun 8, 2019)

[h=2]Adult Niece's Unacceptable Behavior[/h] The thread title sets a negative tone of how you feel which is why I like Colleen's response



> there may be underlying reasons on her part that you're not aware of &
> You need to have a chat with her and clear the air.



I think it's better to ask "why"  than to judge without knowing the why of things


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## AZ Jim (Jun 8, 2019)

Lots of us probably have this same problem.  I know I do...


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## Pepper (Jun 8, 2019)

It's very sad, maple, but the reason your niece doesn't see you is because she doesn't want to.  When there's a will there's a way.  I'm sorry for you, and it's a situation I understand all too well.


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## Sassycakes (Jun 8, 2019)

maplebeez said:


> I have had a close relationship with my niece since the day she was born. But today I'm ticked off because she's still declining my dinner invitations, insisting that with working full-time, caring for her baby & her household chores, it's too hard for them to come for dinner. Yet she & her husband make weekend plans with their friends & take time off work for long-weekend trips, with the baby, to visit college friends. I last heard from her weeks ago, when she said, we have to get together, because they still have my Christmas gift (I made sure she, her husband & the baby got their gifts) but with her busy schedule she wasn't able to set a date. Yesterday I tried inviting again inviting them to my home for dinner some weekend this summer & she sends me a text saying their summer weekends are booked up until after Labor Day! I've only seen the baby twice since he was born eight months ago. Her repeated excuses upset me (they don't seem to bother her Dad) & I know this wouldn't be happening if her mother was still alive. What's an Aunt to do?



I agree with what some of the other people suggested. You need to speak to her and ask the reason why she is avoiding you. Could it be her husband doesn't want her to keep in touch with you. I mentioned her husband because my Son has been avoiding me lately. When I spoke with him all he said was that his girlfriend is angry with me. He mentioned a few petty things like when she sent me a birthday card I didn't have it with my other birthday cards but I had my son's ex-wife's card there. It didn't matter all the good things I did for her and her sons but a dumb thing like that convinced my son that he should stay away from me. I hope and pray someday he realizes she is wrong and I get to see my son again.


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## RadishRose (Jun 8, 2019)

maplebeez said:


> Her mother would tell her, most of our family is gone, and deciding to cut out the few who are still alive, who've loved & supported you, your entire life........is wrong.



I agree with your mother Maplebeez, but you know that your niece already knows this. Do you want her to visit out of guilt? 

I'm so sorry you have been hurt by your unfeeling niece. I agree with Bea... if you've done nothing wrong, ditch her.  Best wishes.


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## Aunt Bea (Jun 8, 2019)

RadishRose said:


> I agree with your mother Maplebeez, but you know that your niece already knows this. Do you want her to visit out of guilt?
> 
> I'm so sorry you have been hurt by your unfeeling niece. *I agree with Bea... if you've done nothing wrong, ditch her.  Best wishes.*



I didn't mean to ditch her I just meant to leave her alone.

People only have a certain amount of time and they always find the time to do what is important to them.

Some people in their lives are on the A list and some are on the B list, I've spent most of my life on the B list and I'm OK with that. layful:nthego:


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## Keesha (Jun 8, 2019)

Knight said:


> *Adult Niece's Unacceptable Behavior*
> 
> The thread title sets a negative tone of how you feel which is why I like Colleen's response
> 
> ...


I agree.


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## applecruncher (Jun 8, 2019)

An unfortunate situation.  maplebeez, you complained about this same niece here, right?

https://www.seniorforums.com/showthread.php/39657-No-Words

- Her mother is not around and even if she was, things might be the same as they are now. Remember, you said niece is an adult. Her mother has nothing to do with this, and it's strange that you're even bringing her mother into the discussion.

- When someone chooses not to have a closer relationship with someone else, there is always a reason. You may not/never know the reason, you may not think it's a good reason, and it may seem unfair.  But there is _always_ a reason. Speculation is pointless.

There are two sides to these types of stories.

- Confrontation won't accomplish anything.  You can't force her to want to spend more time with you. You need to stop making overtures and work hard at getting past the anger and pain. You find her behavior unacceptable, but you have no choice other than to leave her alone.


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## win231 (Jun 8, 2019)

Whenever these things occur, there's always a good reason.  Sometimes the reason is known to both, but both people don't always want to acknowledge their contribution to it.

Similar situation in my (dysfunctional) family.  My sister didn't speak to our mother for the last 7 years of her life, even though she lived in the house in front of hers.  Why?  Our mother was very abusive & controlling.  Of course, (like any abuser), if you asked her, she'd say there was something wrong with _everyone else _who couldn't stand her.  Looking at yourself as you really are requires more honesty than most people are capable of.

Then, my sister had a son & daughter.  Guess what?  She continued the pattern - where her mother left off.  Instead of recognizing how she absorbed some of her mother's bad traits, she drove her own daughter away & they haven't spoken or seen each other for the past 20 years.   Her son also didn't speak to her for 2 years, but he and I had several talks with her about being like her mother & they're on speaking terms now - although rather strained.

ETA:  I just remembered one of my sister's _rare _moments of honesty about herself.  A friend of ours was visiting.  My sister was describing how our mother treated our father.  She said, "I watched my mother be selfish, greedy, ungrateful & abusive to our father for years; is it any wonder that I don't respect men?"  _I nearly fell off my chair. _


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## Keesha (Jun 8, 2019)

Great post win.


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## RadishRose (Jun 8, 2019)

Aunt Bea said:


> I didn't mean to ditch her I just meant to leave her alone.
> 
> People only have a certain amount of time and they always find the time to do what is important to them.
> 
> Some people in their lives are on the A list and some are on the B list, I've spent most of my life on the B list and I'm OK with that. layful:nthego:



Bea and Maple, in my poor mind, the two words have the same connotation. Maple, I'm sorry that I might have misguided you. Thanks, AB


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## johndoe (Jun 8, 2019)

You are ONLY an aunt and are probably leaning on her too much, and you sound needy in my estimation. Yes that may sound harsh, but I had plenty of in-laws I had no time for. It's not that I didn't like them. It was just that I was living MY life and they were living theirs. I hope I'm not offending.


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## Gary O' (Jun 8, 2019)

Same niece as this one?



maplebeez said:


> Just returned from my aunt's funeral & was saddened to learn my niece, who auntie always generously remembered at the holidays, on birthdays & other important occasions, never posted a condolence on the funeral home's website.




_*'with her busy schedule she wasn't able to set a date'*_

If she's the same one, why would she?

*'What's an Aunt to do?'*

Get a clue and a life..... and let her have what's left of hers


Lines are open

Next caller, please


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## Butterfly (Jun 9, 2019)

I remember back when I was working full time and raising a family (that's TWO full time jobs, BTW), and I really DIDN'T have time for much else -- actually, I sometimes felt like I didn't even have time to go to the bathroom.  When a bit of time would be available, my husband and I would plan something for just us.

I agree with those above -- let it go and leave her alone.  She really doesn't owe you anything just because you are her aunt.


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## Ruthanne (Jun 9, 2019)

maplebeez said:


> I have had a close relationship with my niece since the day she was born. But today I'm ticked off because she's still declining my dinner invitations, insisting that with working full-time, caring for her baby & her household chores, it's too hard for them to come for dinner. Yet she & her husband make weekend plans with their friends & take time off work for long-weekend trips, with the baby, to visit college friends. I last heard from her weeks ago, when she said, we have to get together, because they still have my Christmas gift (I made sure she, her husband & the baby got their gifts) but with her busy schedule she wasn't able to set a date. Yesterday I tried inviting again inviting them to my home for dinner some weekend this summer & she sends me a text saying their summer weekends are booked up until after Labor Day! I've only seen the baby twice since he was born eight months ago. Her repeated excuses upset me (they don't seem to bother her Dad) & I know this wouldn't be happening if her mother was still alive. What's an Aunt to do?


I would just accept it the way it is and be done with it.  She will have you over when she is ready.  No use to get yourself so upset about it.  She must feel the way she does for good reasons.  I am an Aunt too and understand things happen.


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## maplebeez (Jun 10, 2019)

A friend reminded me, if my niece cut me out of her life, to avoid being reminded of our sad, shared, family memories & she believes associating only with her new family & younger friends will prevent her from experiencing further tragedies ...........She's Wrong.  Time to go out & enjoy this beautiful day!


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## twinkles (Jun 10, 2019)

maplebeez---i have a daughter that lives right next to me that hasnt spoken to me in over 2 years----she did wish me a happy mothers day on facebook


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## Colleen (Jun 10, 2019)

twinkles said:


> maplebeez---i have a daughter that lives right next to me that hasnt spoken to me in over 2 years----she did wish me a happy mothers day on facebook



What is wrong with these "kids"??? I don't understand why they have this attitude towards us.

My son that hates me (he's 45...going on 12) because he's making all kinds of assumptions about decisions he thinks I made when he was a kid. Many of them, I had no control over and a lot of things he's got it in his head are all wrong. He won't listen to any explanations. He doesn't know all the facts about why things happened the way they did, but he'd rather blame me for all of it and cut me out of his life.

It's been a tough pill to swallow, but I had to accept the fact that he doesn't want to know the truth and just leave him alone.

I don't mean to be unkind, maplebeez, but you're only her aunt and it sounds like you're making a pest of yourself. Maybe, later on, you'll be able to talk to her, but for now...let her be.


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## Linda (Jun 12, 2019)

It won't do any good to confront her or try to talk it over.  Just leave her alone.  I have nephews and nieces who don't have time for me but that's OK, life goes on.  Make a life for yourself without your niece.


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## KingsX (Jun 12, 2019)

Remember the old saying... you can pick your friends, but not your relatives.

If your relatives have cut you out of their lives...   seek friendship elsewhere.   

Oh, and you might think about cutting those  relatives out of your will.


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## SeaBreeze (Jun 13, 2019)

maplebeez said:


> But today I'm ticked off because she's still declining my dinner invitations, insisting that with working full-time, caring for her baby & her household chores, it's too hard for them to come for dinner. Yet she & her husband make weekend plans with their friends & take time off work for long-weekend trips, with the baby, to visit college friends.
> 
> I last heard from her weeks ago, when she said, we have to get together, because they still have my Christmas gift (I made sure she, her husband & the baby got their gifts) but with her busy schedule she wasn't able to set a date.
> 
> I've only seen the baby twice since he was born eight months ago. Her repeated excuses upset me (they don't seem to bother her Dad) & I know this wouldn't be happening if her mother was still alive. What's an Aunt to do?



There's just so many hours in the day, and working a full time job, caring for her baby and husband, doing chores and running errands leave little quality time for her to spend with her husband.  They need to do things they can enjoy together, meeting with mutual friends their own age and spending time alone with each other.  When she took her marriage vows, her main priority became _her_ husband and children.

Repeatedly asking (or insisting) that she come to your home for dinner, which usually takes at least a half day if not more, will just cause her to resent you.  I would stop asking and just leave an 'open invitation' for her to let you know when it's good for them to visit you.  She did mention you should get together, so that's a positive thing, she's not saying don't talk to me, leave me alone, I want nothing to do with you.

Once I left home and married, I didn't spend very much time at all with my relatives, in fact I moved out of state.  Lots of young people do this, they begin to lead their own lives and it can be very busy with work and _their _family.

It's not right that she hasn't given you your Christmas gift yet though, maybe you can just suggest your dropping over to her place for an hour or two to get the gift and see the baby.  In my opinion, you shouldn't take this too personally, she's not being mean or hateful toward you, like others have said here, she's just prioritizing the little time she has for their social life with each other and their friends.  Things sound pretty normal to me, sorry you feel hurt, but you shouldn't focus too much on it.


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## WhatInThe (Jun 16, 2019)

I think everybody is right. And if this niece or any family really wants to be 'in' with the family they would show it beyond formal family events like holidays, birthdays, weddings, dinner invites etc. It's those visits, calls and/or assistance without an invitation or an existing reason. The in between time.

Too busy very well possible. I know I've had jobs where I had to turn down overtime because it was 'demanded' I attend a family function. My thing was there was part of the family that didn't understand that people had to work, nights, weekends, holidays etc. I've had other jobs I just said to heck with it this is what I'm doing. I've had a parent who made social arrangements/promises they had no business doing after I had plans but see people assume since someone's social calendar isn't announced or they don't talk about it they have nothing to do. Most events in one's daily life or career are not worthy of a formal announcement unless someone makes it that way. In one's old age you really get to see who attended out of obligation or gives a frack simply by the way they talk behind someone's back wether it's tone or comments. I've also seen fellow seniors basically left alone by their kids and relatives after a certain point and that says something about them or the family.

Eh, don't over think it. Everyone goes through periods where family activity is a royal pain time killer.


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## AnnieA (Jun 16, 2019)

Since this is ongoing and you're displeased with your niece, there's negativity on both sides. Conflict is hardly ever one sided.  All you can do is work on your side.  That's what counseling is for, really--not for two people to work on a problem together so much as it is for one person to own "one's stuff" and adjust behavior accordingly.  And even if you work on yourself and change your negatives, that's no guarantee that she'll respond positively.   Regardless, I'd see a counselor if I were you.  It will help you not only work on your negative traits and the reasons for them (and we all have this!!!), but will also help you grieve family stuff that goes beyond your niece.


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## RadishRose (Jun 16, 2019)

maplebeez said:


> Time to go out & enjoy this beautiful day!



Good thinking!


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## WhatInThe (Jun 16, 2019)

Funny this a niece mentioned. Here the problem child of the family got mad at his aunt & uncle with whom most of his regular contact was holiday dinners for not throwing a pity party/being more sympathetic after he was laid off. First off he had 18 months notice, a 5 figure severance package and numerous other job and business opportunities which took half heartedly. He didn't have a house/mortgage or 8 children yet identified with the homeless and those who lost a house with 6 kids. They also knew he screwed his parents on a 5 figure loan. They saw right through his crap. Any way he holds it against them for not offering financial assistance or contacting him on a regular basis offering anything beyond approaching family events. 

So all the of the sudden in need of money the entire family regardless of the actual relationship is supposed to hold out dollar bills for the taking?

Again I just think the person here in the op is extremely busy and preoccupied. They are ASSuming family will always be there and taking them for granted might come back to hurt them one day. But that's on them.


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## Citygirl (Jun 16, 2019)

*​We have a GD, much the same way and if I have to beg for a relationship I would rather have nothing to do with it.*


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## maplebeez (Jun 18, 2019)

Maybe millennials like my niece accept that "busy lives" excuse when they don't respond to texts or answer phone messages. But I find that behavior rude. Unfortunately she'll learn there are consequences to taking family members for granted, when we don't respond to her child's birthday party invitation & don't show up with gifts, checks or gift cards. Her dad can take my gift to that party.


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## Pepper (Jun 18, 2019)

Starting to understand your niece's attitude.  Why don't you threaten to cut her out of your will?  Maybe that will force her to pay the homage and respect you demand.


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## Aunt Bea (Jun 18, 2019)

It's odd that your first impulse is to punish the people you claim to care about when you don't get your way.







I sincerely hope that you find the happiness you are looking for.


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## win231 (Jun 18, 2019)

Aunt Bea said:


> It's odd that your first impulse is to punish the people you claim to care about when you don't get your way.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Perfect definition of a Controller.  Fits my mother to a "T"  Anyone who doesn't do what I want is a piece of crap.


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## win231 (Jun 18, 2019)

Pepper said:


> Starting to understand your niece's attitude.  Why don't you threaten to cut her out of your will?  Maybe that will force her to pay the homage and respect you demand.



Food For Thought - "_Demanding Respect:"   _The only people who demand respect are those who are not entitled to it.  Respect is _earned_, & if someone demands it, it's because they know they haven't earned it.


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## Shalimar (Jun 19, 2019)

One of the most difficult choices I had to learn was when to try harder, and when to walk away.


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## WhatInThe (Jun 19, 2019)

Where/who does this niece get her baby sitting and daycare from? Surprised you and others aren't on her to do list just for those reasons alone. It must not be an issue. They might regret it one day but it's their loss not yours.


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## maplebeez (Jun 19, 2019)

During the work week, the baby goes to daycare & some weekends her M-I-L babysits. And to those posters telling me I'm angry because I want to control my niece's life; she's the one who decided, for whatever reasons to cut family members out of her life, even the cousins she grew up with. And as sad & puzzling as this situation is, we agree..... the ball is in her court. Amen.


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## Gary O' (Jun 19, 2019)

maplebeez said:


> And to those posters telling me I'm angry because I want to control my niece's life; she's the one who decided, for whatever reasons.....



I really like her!!


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## applecruncher (Jun 19, 2019)

@ maplebeez

You have not said one positive thing about this niece - not in this thread or the other thread where you had a different complaint about her. Obviously you don't like her, so I don't know why you're even bothering.


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## C'est Moi (Jun 19, 2019)

WhatInThe said:


> Where/who does this niece get her baby sitting and daycare from? Surprised you and others aren't on her to do list just for those reasons alone. It must not be an issue. They might regret it one day but it's their loss not yours.



Apparently the niece isn't asking them for a damn thing, so I don't see the problem.   The niece is entitled to live her life her own way, no matter who thinks otherwise.


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## Colleen (Jun 19, 2019)

I agree with C'est Moi. Let her live her life as she feels fit without pressure from her aunt...or anyone else. 

It took me a long time years ago when we lived in PA and my son and girlfriend lived 30 miles away to get the point that they had no intentions of coming over for Sunday dinners or doing any Holidays with us. I struggled with this for so long until after we moved to AZ when he told me  that they didn't feel "comfortable" with us and didn't want to come over. That hurt...A LOT! He never said a word what was bothering him when we lived in PA but felt the need to express his feelings after we left.

There's a lot more to this situation, but I'm not going into it because this isn't my post. My point is....maybe the niece has similar feelings but she doesn't want to hurt her aunt by saying anything. Sometimes silence says more than words.

I'm 72 and still learning.


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## Pepper (Jun 19, 2019)

Let it be.


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## WhatInThe (Jun 20, 2019)

Colleen said:


> I agree with C'est Moi. Let her live her life as she feels fit without pressure from her aunt...or anyone else.
> 
> It took me a long time years ago when we lived in PA and my son and girlfriend lived 30 miles away to get the point that they had no intentions of coming over for Sunday dinners or doing any Holidays with us. I struggled with this for so long until after we moved to AZ when he told me  that they didn't feel "comfortable" with us and didn't want to come over. That hurt...A LOT! He never said a word what was bothering him when we lived in PA but felt the need to express his feelings after we left.
> 
> ...



That's the thing. People literally grow apart. Distance and time affect relationships. As do long suppressed never dealt with issues. Even if it's just acknowledging something about a person. Have aunt's/uncles that took decades to accept the fact their daughter liked girls-the aunt in particular always introduced the partner as a friend of the family. Now their buds over their  daughter's objections. Poop happens, people change.

That same aunt/uncle are very traditional and by the book on other issues as well. And one is still paying for it to this very day. Still get's perturbed that others don't do it their way or by the book. It's not about someone doing it differently they are very condescending. That being said their children caused the parents alot of consternation beyond things like the cost of college.  

Frequently sadly things don't play out they way they used to decades ago that's why each generation gets a label now.


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## fuzzybuddy (Jun 28, 2019)

There is a definite reason why your niece is avoiding you. When her every weekend is booked until 2135, there is a problem. Your only recourse is to talk to her about why she is avoiding you. You may not have as "close" a relationship, as you feel.


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## Colleen (Jun 28, 2019)

fuzzybuddy said:


> There is a definite reason why your niece is avoiding you. When her every weekend is booked until 2135, there is a problem. Your only recourse is to talk to her about why she is avoiding you. You may not have as "close" a relationship, as you feel.



AMEN! I always thought I had a "close" relationship with my now estranged son. That was in my mind...not his. He harbors resentments and false beliefs but refuses to talk to me about them. I never knew those feels of his even existed until last year...and he's 45 years old! He's let those feelings fester for a long time.

 Maybe her niece has some issues with her that Maplebeez is not aware of and her niece would rather avoid her and doesn't want to either deal with them (or Maplebeez) or she doesn't want to make waves. That's what my son did. He stayed away, for the most part, and didn't have any contact with me for years at a time. I couldn't figure out why because we had been "so close" in the past.

If I were Maplebeez, I'd just let her be. Don't take it out on the kids, if you've been close to them (maybe not????).


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## OneEyedDiva (Jun 30, 2019)

What's an aunt to do? *Stop* inviting her to dinner! You are putting yourself in a position to be hurt and her in a position to have to make excuses. It's sad that you are being treated like this but continuing to extend invitations is obviously not changing anything.


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## OneEyedDiva (Jun 30, 2019)

Gary O' said:


> Same niece as this one?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Gary O...you are something else!  I always enjoy your memes in which you so artfully insert yourself.  LOL


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## Gary O' (Jun 30, 2019)

Yer too kind, OED, too kind


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## Richie (Jul 12, 2019)

maplebeez said:


> I have had a close relationship with my niece since the day she was born. But today I'm ticked off because she's still declining my dinner invitations, insisting that with working full-time, caring for her baby & her household chores, it's too hard for them to come for dinner. Yet she & her husband make weekend plans with their friends & take time off work for long-weekend trips, with the baby, to visit college friends. I last heard from her weeks ago, when she said, we have to get together, because they still have my Christmas gift (I made sure she, her husband & the baby got their gifts) but with her busy schedule she wasn't able to set a date.
> 
> Yesterday I tried again inviting them to my home for dinner some weekend this summer & she sends me a text saying their summer weekends are booked up until after Labor Day! I've only seen the baby twice since he was born eight months ago. Her repeated excuses upset me (they don't seem to bother her Dad) & I know this wouldn't be happening if her mother was still alive. What's an Aunt to do?


Hi, i would let your niece know your feelings, it's down to her after that, jmho.  Richie


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## Judycat (Jul 12, 2019)

My sons never come by anymore, they invite me to their houses when they have time. I usually get an invite to the grandkids birthdays and on holidays. Everyone else I cared about are dead. I miss our family stuff but that is over and done. I am sad sometimes but there are lonely people everywhere. Guess finding other company is what we need. Doesn't help either when people mention they haven't seen anyone at my house in a long time. People have no filters they just blab things out. Why are they watching my house anyway? Grr! 

Young people would rather be around their own friends. so it's not unusual to be left out. At least your niece  indicated the desire to get together. I would take that to mean she is stretched pretty thin with a job, a husband and a baby. Sometimes husbands demand as much time as the babies do, and depending upon what her job is, she may have to put in extra hours there. 

My youngest son has a demanding wife where they have to be going somewhere every weekend. It's a status thing with her I think. I'm not going to involve myself in that. My oldest son is laid up with an injury, I think I could go over for a visit this weekend. I doubt he and his wife have plans, and we'll have something to talk about. I'll have to ask though, That's how it goes, got to take what you get and let the rest alone. Doesn't help knowing you're yesterday's meatloaf though. That's tough getting used to. Can't say I'm there yet.


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## WhatInThe (Jul 15, 2019)

That's the thing people's schedules and priorities are different and all parties need to understand that. This is why the perfunctory family gathering have little to no meaning anymore because they people come out of obligation and habit, not because they want to. Over time this wears and becomes apparent. I think it's better when you see or talk to people in non holiday or formal settings. Like many things family get togethers are just a show sometimes just to keep up with the Jones-Oh what did you do over the holiday-blah blah blah.


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## Judycat (Jul 15, 2019)

That's how I feel too WIT. My son, his wife and I had a nice relaxed visit Sunday. He got to tell me how he shoved his own kneecap back into place, not once but twice(!)... and everything else that went on afterward. I got to tell his wife not to do everything for him plus got to see the grandkids. Two hours we caught up, and I left. Nice.


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## treeguy64 (Jul 15, 2019)

Wow! So many people offering so many ideas. My two cents: I'd leave her alone, and never worry about it, again. If she wants to see you, she will find a way. I doubt that's ever going to happen, though. Move on.


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## Citygirl (Jul 15, 2019)

I would not give her the time of day. If I have to beg someone or stoop to their level I would rather not have them as a friend if that's what you even call them.


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