# Is acknowledging gifts an "old-fashioned, outdated" thing?



## JaniceM (Nov 15, 2022)

This is really bothering me.   
When I give/send gifts to family members and can't hand them to the people in person (distance, etc.), it's rare anyone says thanks and often don't even let me know if the gifts were received.  
This covers both children and adults.

I recall a few years ago this topic was here on the forum, but I can't seem to find it.  

Maybe the days are gone when recipients wrote actual Thank You notes, but I still believe a simple Thanks or at least acknowledging they were received is valid.  
I end up feeling like people think the gifts were worthless because I couldn't afford anything expensive.  

Where are you all "at" on this subject?


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## BC Flash (Nov 15, 2022)

I never had a problem with recipients NOT ACKNOWLEDGING a gift.   

As a child, we were NOT allowed to play or wear the gift until the "thank you's" are written.   I set the same rules with my 3 children.


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## Flarbalard (Nov 15, 2022)

No, it is not outdated, courtesy seems to be though.  I don't do facebook and have been told by some that's where some young people acknowledge such things.  Price of postage is high, but a quick phone call isn't.  I sometimes wonder if the person got it or not.  I think I've outlived my times.


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## Jackie23 (Nov 15, 2022)

JaniceM said:


> This is really bothering me.
> When I give/send gifts to family members and can't hand them to the people in person (distance, etc.), it's rare anyone says thanks and often don't even let me know if the gifts were received.
> This covers both children and adults.
> 
> ...


Yes, It bothers me too.....I quit giving birthday gifts for this very reason, I acknowledge the birthday on facebook and that is it.
I'm thinking of scaling down Christmas money too.


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## iksentrik (Nov 15, 2022)

Reminded me of this story:

Two old ladies were talking about their grandchildren. Dolly said, "Each year I send each of my grandchildren a card with a generous cheque inside. I never hear from them... never receive a thank you message."

Ruby replies, "I too send my grandchildren a very generous cheque. I hear from them within a week, in fact they each pay me a personal visit."

"Wow! How come?" remarked Dolly.

"Very simple solution... I don't sign the cheque."


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## Alligatorob (Nov 15, 2022)

JaniceM said:


> is acknowledging gifts an "old-fashioned, outdated" thing?


No, I  hope not anyway. 

But kids not acknowledging gifts from grandparents and others, that's not so new.  I probably wouldn't have without pressure from my parents, seems the same today.


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## hollydolly (Nov 15, 2022)

I expect some kind of acknowledgement of the gift..if I don't get one, then that's the last gift..


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## Bella (Nov 15, 2022)

If someone is kind enough to give you a gift, no matter how small or inexpensive, even in this day and age, it's not only polite but also necessary to properly acknowledge it. There's no excuse for not thanking someone for a gift. It's important to show appreciation. Not to do so is just plain rude. No gift should be taken for granted.

When I was young, it was de rigueur to send a handwritten thank-you note. Today, that doesn't often happen. However, a phone call, text, or email will suffice. Whichever form it takes, acknowledging the gift is what's most important.

If I sent gifts and there was no form of "thank you," I would be inclined to stop sending them, plain and simple.


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## katlupe (Nov 15, 2022)

The last wedding I went to, I think it was 2011, I gave a gift of cash in a card. Never got a thank you or any type of acknowledgement.


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## Gaer (Nov 15, 2022)

I've noticed this for the last ten years of so.  You go to all the trouble of choosing the right gift, wrapping it beautifully, the perfect card; it's sent and no acknowledgement.  
This has been on my mind as well.  What if it's a close relative?  Someone you're "expected" to send a gift to on Birthdays and Christmas?
Is it rude of me to stop sending gifts to them?  SERIOUSLY, I'd like to know!
or.
Is it enough to send a gift because you want to, and let it go?  Accept it if they thank you or don't thank you?  Give it no concern?
I agree with @Bella, but we can't dictate how the recipient will respond.  Gotta say though, I feel kinda hurt when they don't at least
say they received the gift.


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## Kika (Nov 15, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> if I don't get one, then that's the last gift.


I have done that twice, and I don't feel bad about it at all.


BC Flash said:


> As a child, we were NOT allowed to play or wear the gift until the "thank you's" are written. I set the same rules with my 3 children.


The same with my 3, however, today I believe that a text or phone call is sufficient.  Things have relaxed a lot and it's fine with me.

My granddaughters always call to thank me for a gift.  When I send surprise gifts to my granddaughter at her dorm (usually snacks to share) I always get a text and a picture of her enjoying them. That's really nice.


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## Bella (Nov 15, 2022)

Gaer said:


> I've noticed this for the last ten years of so.  *You go to all the trouble of choosing the right gift, wrapping it beautifully, the perfect card; it's sent and no acknowledgement. *
> This has been on my mind as well.  What if it's a close relative?  *Someone you're "expected" to send a gift to* on Birthdays and Christmas?
> *Is it rude of me to stop sending gifts to them?*  SERIOUSLY, I'd like to know!
> or.
> ...



Only you can decide if you're okay with not being thanked. If you are "expected" to send a gift, is it too much to "expect" to be thanked for it?


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## JustBonee (Nov 15, 2022)

No,  I don't feel saying 'thank you'  for a gift is  old fashioned  .... without that,  it feels like a waste of time and money on your part. 
That's  how I would think of it.


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## Tish (Nov 15, 2022)

I am grateful that my gifts are always appreciated and I am thanked for it.


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## timoc (Nov 15, 2022)

I think when the generations seen on places like this forum are no more, then there will be very few people with_ *manners*_*.*


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## DebraMae (Nov 15, 2022)

With Christmas coming this has been on my mind too.  I have grandchildren who do not acknowledge gifts and others who always acknowledge the gift, send one to me, come see me, etc.  I have always tried to treat them all the same but I think I am at the end of the line with that.  I am tired of sending gifts that are not acknowledged.


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## Gaer (Nov 15, 2022)

DebraMae said:


> With Christmas coming this has been on my mind too.  I have grandchildren who do not acknowledge gifts and others who always acknowledge the gift, send one to me, come see me, etc.  I have always tried to treat them all the same but I think I am at the end of the line with that.  I am tired of sending gifts that are not acknowledged.


Ah, This is what I want to know!  Are you going to stop sending gifts to your grandchildren that DON'T acknowledge that you send a gift?
That's a gutsy thing to do.  That takes gumption!


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## Murrmurr (Nov 15, 2022)

Call me old-fashioned, but I give gifts for the sake of giving. I only _send_ gifts to family members who live far away, and they don't always contact me after they get them, but I won't stop sending them.


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## JaniceM (Nov 15, 2022)

Murrmurr said:


> Call me old-fashioned, but I give gifts for the sake of giving. I only _send_ gifts to family members who live far away, and they don't always contact me after they get them, but I won't stop sending them.


But what about situations I usually have- not knowing if the gifts were received because the recipients don't say so?  
(most of my "gifting" is done from a distance).


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## jujube (Nov 15, 2022)

Apparantly that is a thing of the past.


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## Jules (Nov 15, 2022)

Gaer said:


> I've noticed this for the last ten years of so.  You go to all the trouble of choosing the right gift, wrapping it beautifully, the perfect card; it's sent and no acknowledgement.
> This has been on my mind as well.  What if it's a close relative?  Someone you're "expected" to send a gift to on Birthdays and Christmas?
> Is it rude of me to stop sending gifts to them?  SERIOUSLY, I'd like to know!
> or.
> ...


I too am on the fence about discontinuing presents.  The cash goes into their accounts automatically when I send it.  A text message would be an adequate reply, imo.  I’ve seriously considered cutting anyone over 25 off.  The problem is that it would cause lots of hard feelings.  We all live far apart and they don’t really know me.  The cash isn’t a hardship for me so I’ll probably keep doing it.


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## Murrmurr (Nov 15, 2022)

JaniceM said:


> But what about situations I usually have- not knowing if the gifts were received because the recipients don't say so?
> (most of my "gifting" is done from a distance).


If I'm curious about that, I call them. I'm just saying I don't require a thank you. It's their parents' fault for not teaching them this courtesy, nothing to do with whether or not they love their grampa.


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## Gaer (Nov 15, 2022)

Murrmurr said:


> Call me old-fashioned, but I give gifts for the sake of giving. I only _send_ gifts to family members who live far away, and they don't always contact me after they get them, but I won't stop sending them.


THAT is beautiful!   You really are quite a man!


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## Murrmurr (Nov 15, 2022)

Gaer said:


> THAT is beautiful!   You really are quite a man!


I can get kinda Zen sometimes.


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## DebraMae (Nov 15, 2022)

Gaer said:


> Ah, This is what I want to know!  Are you going to stop sending gifts to your grandchildren that DON'T acknowledge that you send a gift?
> That's a gutsy thing to do.  That takes gumption!


Yes, I am going to stop.  They are all adults.  Some of them seem to feel very entitled.


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## IrisSenior (Nov 15, 2022)

JaniceM said:


> But what about situations I usually have- not knowing if the gifts were received because the recipients don't say so?
> (most of my "gifting" is done from a distance).


If recipients are not acknowledging gifts, I would stop sending them. That will get their attention. I thinks it is rude that they don't tell you.


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## NorthernLight (Nov 15, 2022)

I think some kind of thank you is necessary. I remember how I hated sending thank you notes when I was a child. It seemed a huge chore. But nowadays there are easier ways to communicate. And if the child won't do it, perhaps the parent could?

Personally I'm done with "special occasion" gifts of any kind, both giving and receiving. Except for gifts to small children. 

Sometimes I give an anonymous gift. For example, I left a baby gift for an expectant mother at her place of work. 

For those who are worried about hard feelings if they stop sending gifts, why not say, "I'm donating to [name of organization] instead." Or volunteering, or taking a trip, or whatever.

I think that nowadays, most people can buy what they want, and/or the thing you give them will be the wrong kind. It's not like my mother's day, when she was happy to receive an orange for Christmas. An orange!


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## Kika (Nov 15, 2022)

Murrmurr said:


> call me old-fashioned, but I give gifts for the sake of giving. I only _send_ gifts to family members who live far away, and they don't always contact me after they get them, but I won't stop sending them.


YOU are an exceptionally good person!!  I would not stop sending gifts to children because of the errors of their parents.

The 2 I stopped sending checks/gift cards to, were in their late 20s.
That's old enough to know better.


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## DebraMae (Nov 15, 2022)

Kika said:


> YOU are an exceptionally good person!!  I would not stop sending gifts to children because of the errors of their parents.
> 
> The 2 I stopped sending checks/gift cards to, were in their late 20s.
> That's old enough to know better.


Yes, the ones I stopped sending to are also in their late 20's.  I still send to the little ones.


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## Blessed (Nov 15, 2022)

I always give gifts at Christmas and birthdays.  I do more all throughout the year.  I am quite the bargain shopper.  I know when a really good price comes up.  I buy a lot of steak, pork chops and loins ,shrimp for their freezer.  I am waiting and watching for the best price on lobster tails.  ?


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## Book Worm (Nov 15, 2022)

I personally resent sending gifts and not having them acknowledged or thanked for. Typical now days is getting a text message. Twenty years ago, I was married a long time to a man whose brother and sister never acknowledged the Christmas gifts we sent their kids. In one family, the dad would get on the phone and thank us, never the kids thanking us. In the other family, thank you cards written by their mother and these were school age kids. We each get to decide if this is the hill we want to die on. It is okay to use this year's "inflation" as a reason one needs to be mindful of your budget and stop if this is what feels right. Don't feel guilty for stopping. If they don't bother to contact you in thanks, they likely won't contact you about the lack of the gift. It is also okay to set an age limit. If you don't get a thank you, they may not even like the gifts or care enough about us to acknowledge us. Something to certainly think about. We are not bad people to stop sending money or gifts when it is just a black hole, goes out from us and is never acknowledged or thanked.


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## NorthernLight (Nov 15, 2022)

Thanks for the discussion. I like to thank people whenever possible. It's easy, and it's just nicer for everyone.

My local language partner gave me some beef last week. Of course I thanked him at the time. After I ate it tonight, I sent him a text telling him how much I enjoyed and appreciated it!


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## Gaer (Nov 15, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> Thanks for the discussion. I like to thank people whenever possible. It's easy, and it's just nicer for everyone.
> 
> My local language partner gave me some beef last week. Of course I thanked him at the time. After I ate it tonight, I sent him a text telling him how much I enjoyed and appreciated it!


Well, What I took out of this is if they don't appreciate what you  give them, stop giving them anything!  
(unless you're a saint, like MurrMurr!)  
I'm not!
That's going to be hard to do, but I'm leaning that way!  it would take two seconds for someone  to text 
or call and say "thanks!".    Wow!  This will shake up some traditions!


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## Nathan (Nov 15, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> I expect some kind of acknowledgement of the gift..if I don't get one, then that's the last gift..


Exactly.  Gift giving is a social act, if the receiving party doesn't value the act, no problem....no more gifts or expectations.


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## Gary O' (Nov 15, 2022)

Is acknowledging gifts an "old-fashioned, outdated" thing?​


JaniceM said:


> Where are you all "at" on this subject?


Better not be

2nd thought....hope it is
it'd save me a lot of money on gifts and shipping


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## Teacher Terry (Nov 15, 2022)

_A text is quickly done and if people don’t do that they don’t deserve a gift. _


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## Ruthanne (Nov 17, 2022)

I stopped sending gifts and cards to my nieces and nephews because I never got a thank you or a return card for Christmas.

I still send congratulations cards and a bit of money for weddings and births.  Money is scarce with me and they show no appreciation.  Hurts my feelings and I'm tired of getting hurt.  I did send stuff and money for a long time.


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## Judycat (Nov 18, 2022)

I never get a thank you either. I'm supposed to sit through an hour of the host opening gifts in front of everyone. Since two hours is my limit at these events, which without the gift opening is nearly four hours, it's my fault if I never get a thank you. I wish I cared, but I don't. This generation is too busy to go out and buy thank you cards, let alone write something and send it snail mail. Good Lord!


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## Right Now (Nov 18, 2022)

I still do and intend to keep sending handwritten thank you notes to anyone who is thoughtful enough to get me a gift.  Even when I get home baked cookies or chili, at some point I send a _nice of you to think of me_ note.  And yes, I get the same back from a few nice gals who think the same.


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