# Feeling unusually sad this evening



## Marie5656 (Jan 20, 2020)

*As I have reported here, over the past few months, I have been doing well since Rick died.  But this evening has been a bad one. I have been feeling rather down in the dumps.  Not really sure why, as I am doing stuff to move on.
I think it may be the winter time blues kicking in. Past few days been very cold (seasonable temps, but cold and snowy). Getting dark early.  And with the weather, I cannot just pick up and go for a ride, or do something.
I am wondering if I am feeling symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)? Or what?  This forum has been a good support to me, and I do not mean to whine.  Just feeling out of sorts.  I am going to my doctor tomorrow, and my therapist next week. So, I guess I have a lot to talk about.*


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## Catlady (Jan 20, 2020)

Watch comedies, I love them.  Remember,  "Laughter is the best medicine".  It's true.  Take care!


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## Marie5656 (Jan 20, 2020)

Catlady said:


> Watch comedies, I love them.  Remember,  "Laughter is the best medicine".  It's true.  Take care!


Sounds like a good idea. I will try


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## AnnieA (Jan 20, 2020)

A good friend who is a therapist told me after his mid 20s younger brother died suddenly that his grief was like the sea.  Huge storm at first that he felt would drown him, followed by calmer seas with random big waves that knocked his feet out from under him all over again.  

(((Marie))) Wish I could take you out for a coffee and give you a hug for real!


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## RadishRose (Jan 20, 2020)

Oh Marie sorry you feel down. 

When you see the doc do ask about s.a.d. and about some extra vitamin D when there's no sun.

There's still some grief to work through..... buying this new car may be causing you to feel unsettled, doing it without Rick.

Just remember you are loved!


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## jujube (Jan 20, 2020)

Maria, this is normal.  You'll have many good days and then some bad days.

My husband has been gone for 14 years and there are some days still that are dark indeed.

It's OK to be sad.  Don't let anyone tell you it isn't.


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## Ruthanne (Jan 20, 2020)

I deal with sadness that comes and goes, too.  I do think I have Seasonal Affective, too.  When the skies are gray for days I feel down..I do things to try to pick myself up much of the time and then some days I just let myself have a down day.  It's really okay to talk about it and I wouldn't call it whining.  Music and comedy helps a lot for me.  I also have to push myself to do the things I need to do like cook and clean.  Sometimes I even have to give myself a good hard kick!


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## SeaBreeze (Jan 20, 2020)

Sorry to hear you're feeling down @Marie5656, maybe this old thread will help a tiny bit.  Sending love and warm thoughts your way. ❤



https://www.seniorforums.com/thread...nefits-of-light-therapy-and-vitamin-d3.13196/


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## Autumn72 (Jan 20, 2020)

AnnieA said:


> A good friend who is a therapist told me after his mid 20s younger brother died suddenly that his grief was like the sea.  Huge storm at first that he felt would drown him, followed by calmer seas with random big waves that knocked his feet out from under him all over again.
> 
> (((Marie))) Wish I could take you out for a coffee and give you a hug for real!


That's what is needed a real good hug. Human contact
 The lack of it is the cause that can make grief hang around too long. I looked up and said to myself, wow, it's been two years...no, almost four years, since my daughter at 33 passed away in a horrendous way that involved my estranged daughters I never seen til then a weird strange movie like nightmare.....so yes a human hug is a well of kindness what cures the painful memories from taken over your life.
Just like watching Netflix, there should be a wellness order to see through as a simple HUGS for invisible people. 
Love what you said...


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## Keesha (Jan 21, 2020)

Marie5656 said:


> *As I have reported here, over the past few months, I have been doing well since Rick died.  But this evening has been a bad one. I have been feeling rather down in the dumps.  Not really sure why, as I am doing stuff to move on.
> I think it may be the winter time blues kicking in. Past few days been very cold (seasonable temps, but cold and snowy). Getting dark early.  And with the weather, I cannot just pick up and go for a ride, or do something.
> I am wondering if I am feeling symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)? Or what?  This forum has been a good support to me, and I do not mean to whine.  Just feeling out of sorts.  I am going to my doctor tomorrow, and my therapist next week. So, I guess I have a lot to talk about.*


YES !!! My guess IS that it’s S.A.D. also. It affects me this time of year really something awesome.
I suggest getting a special light Maria.
They CAN make a huge difference
https://www.amazon.ca/s?k=aun+lamp&ref=is_s


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## Wren (Jan 21, 2020)

Sorry to hear you are feeling so low Marie, you’ve been doing great but you’re bound to have sad times, I hope you feel better after reading all these supportive  posts and talking to your therapist
meantime here’s another hug x


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## Aunt Bea (Jan 21, 2020)

I agree with others that an occasional slump is normal and usually doesn't last for very long.

If it starts to become a longer-term problem then try to find something bigger to become involved in.  

A service project of some type has a way of taking the focus off of our own feelings and helps to put our own problems into perspective.

Hope you feel better Marie!


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## Vega_Lyra (Jan 21, 2020)

"This too shall pass"


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## hollydolly (Jan 21, 2020)

(((Marie)))...sometimes like in your situation with losing  Rick , and   after coping so well with a loss it takes a little time for the reality of it all to kick in,  and then suddenly after what seems like you've been doing well, the shock sets in, and you suddenly feel very down and depressed. It's perfectly normal,  and feels horrible, but it's important that you know it's normal, and you need to let yourself heal from what was after all, the biggest shock of your life.

Cerainly SAD could be playing a part as well or instead, or it may be a little bit of both. It's only been 9 months, you've kept yourself so busy and maybe not had time to properly grieve, so don't be hard on yourself chikadee it';s good for the mind to grieve, .. just keep in touch with all your family and friends and us, and hopefully this big slump will get better soon...


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## CrackerJack (Jan 21, 2020)

Marie you are grieving and this is the key why you feel as you do. For many the grieving process varies and its a very hard road when we love our dearest ones and a spouse and life partner who passes away however it happens is devasting. 

Ive been widowed for five years and it feels like yesterday and my feelings can drown me is sadness and sorrow. I am very slowly adjusting to being alone and looking back dont know ive gotten to where I am now but I have.

Ihave a book that I bought four years ago by a retired grief counsellor Susan Wallbank title The Empty Bed..Bereivement And Loss Of Love:  an excellent book content wise that helped me greatly after my Husband died in 2015. Istill lick it up from time to time and the chapters comfort me at times I feel needy and hurting. I hasten to add that the title may be hard-hitting for some but the contents are wide and well covered.

Publishers of my book are Dartman Longman &Todd and I bought mine from Amazon. ISBN 978-0-232-52639-4

Take care Marie


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## CrackerJack (Jan 21, 2020)

AnnieA said:


> A good friend who is a therapist told me after his mid 20s younger brother died suddenly that his grief was like the sea.  Huge storm at first that he felt would drown him, followed by calmer seas with random big waves that knocked his feet out from under him all over again.
> 
> (((Marie))) Wish I could take you out for a coffee and give you a hug for real!



Annie this is very accurate indeed what your friend told you. Good you have a friend who is a therapist


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## Marie5656 (Jan 21, 2020)

@CrackerJack I will look for that book. Thanks. There is another book I read, called The Year of Magical Thinking. Author name escapes me, but will post it when back from doctor. The author documents the first year after loss of her husband.

Everyone else, thanks for kind words. The morning sun has me feeling better.  I am off to the doctor now.


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## Pepper (Jan 21, 2020)

(((Marie)))
So glad you wrote this to express your feelings.  By doing so, you helped me.  I always am grateful for help.  It hurts sometimes, it really hurts.  Thank you.


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## StarSong (Jan 21, 2020)

Thinking about you, @Marie5656, and hoping some of the advice above helps.  We're here for you.  ♥


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## Ruth n Jersey (Jan 21, 2020)

I hope you are feeling better Marie. Grief is tough and different for everyone.


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## gennie (Jan 21, 2020)

There are some things in life that we never get over, we simply get through them.  Hang in there.  You're doing great.


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## Pinky (Jan 21, 2020)

Lots of good advice here, Marie. I have been on anti-depressants for a few years now, and my doctor suggested D3 which I feel helps me this time of year. Be good to yourself .. we care about you


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## Marie5656 (Jan 21, 2020)

*So, I went to the doctor this morning, and discussed my issues.  We talked about me getting a light box for my SAD, and she felt it was a good idea.  She reminded me to keep myself active, as well as cherishing my alone time.
@CrackerJack  this is more info on the book I mentioned earlier  The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion.  Took me a while to become emotionally ready to read it, but it was good.
@Pepper we are all here to help each other.  In fact, the book I mentioned was recommended to me by someone on this forum.*


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## Ruthanne (Jan 21, 2020)

I hope you'll feel better Marie.


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## SeaBreeze (Jan 21, 2020)

Thinking of you Marie, hope your spirits lift soon.


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## toffee (Jan 22, 2020)

I wont try to understand==the loss but I can bet its dam hard -especially without conversations you had 
and winter in general is hard to take as we get a little older 'all the wrapping up before you go out the door 
gives us the blues -- of course you will get low ' try having coffee out with a friend ' 

or if you have family hint you would love to see them ---but dont coop yourself up indoors that does not help 
even a walk --dont know if you have a pet dog - they make wonderful company -plus you can chat away to them .
no blues just sunshine x


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## squatting dog (Jan 22, 2020)

AnnieA said:


> A good friend who is a therapist told me after his mid 20s younger brother died suddenly that his grief was like the sea.  Huge storm at first that he felt would drown him, followed by calmer seas with random big waves that knocked his feet out from under him all over again.
> 
> (((Marie))) Wish I could take you out for a coffee and give you a hug for real!



This is so true. Grieving is a lonesome process. When I lost my daughter, I lost a piece of my soul. It was a huge storm at first. Now, it's calm sea's, but, those random waves that sweep over you will feel like it's crushing your chest. There have been times when I've had to pull off the road because the tears and grieve swept over me. You will persevere, especially with all the good people here to help support you. God Bless. ❤


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## CrackerJack (Jan 22, 2020)

Marie5656 said:


> *So, I went to the doctor this morning, and discussed my issues.  We talked about me getting a light box for my SAD, and she felt it was a good idea.  She reminded me to keep myself active, as well as cherishing my alone time.
> @CrackerJack  this is more info on the book I mentioned earlier  **The Year of Magical Thinking** by Joan Didion.* * Took me a while to become emotionally ready to read it, but it was good.
> @Pepper we are all here to help each other.  In fact, the book I mentioned was recommended to me by someone on this forum.*




Hi Marie. I will look out for the book and thanks for the info. I've not picked a book on the subject of bereavement and grieving for a long time now but do read the Empty Bed to reassure me when I feel very down good advice from your Doctor in your post above. Yes, I keep myself active but also find my alone time therapeutic and calming and I don't need noise around when at home and can stand total silence.

I am pleased that you are getting some help and are open to suggestions from people who mean well and care about your welfare.


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## Liberty (Jan 23, 2020)

Marie5656 said:


> *As I have reported here, over the past few months, I have been doing well since Rick died.  But this evening has been a bad one. I have been feeling rather down in the dumps.  Not really sure why, as I am doing stuff to move on.
> I think it may be the winter time blues kicking in. Past few days been very cold (seasonable temps, but cold and snowy). Getting dark early.  And with the weather, I cannot just pick up and go for a ride, or do something.
> I am wondering if I am feeling symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)? Or what?  This forum has been a good support to me, and I do not mean to whine.  Just feeling out of sorts.  I am going to my doctor tomorrow, and my therapist next week. So, I guess I have a lot to talk about.*


Believe you are also feeling SAD from what you've said.  Suggest you play music, and I do mean "play music" - the music that speaks to you at this time.  Think you will find out some artists and/or music types may appeal to you.  Do believe there is power in music to lift you up and help you transcend the heaviness of grief.  

I'd make it a habit to find which music appeals to you now and don't be surprised when, as the grief and the seasons change, you'll become interested in other choices of song.  God bless, Marie.  Love coming out to you right now!


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## bingo (Jan 23, 2020)

oh...yeah....a light box.....winter  doldrums and other things that make us sad....

I might get a light....feel better  hon


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## Ladybj (Jan 23, 2020)

@Marie5656  Grief is VERY HARD to deal with.  One day you feel you are moving right along just fine and the next day you have no motivation, its a feeling that is hard to explain.  I am glad to hear you are going to see your therapist.

This is just my opinion, I hope your doc do not try to put you on an anti depressant med. What that will do is suppress how you feel and we need to get out how we feel and not suppress it.  It's very hard in dealing with it but facing it and working through it can work wonders.  In grieving my sister, I had a day last week that was not good at all..I was also having a few other personal issues which compounded but I am much better.  I saw my counselor today...had a GREAT session.  Feel free to send me a private message if you would like to chat a bit more.

For those that are on anti depressant meds...this post is not aimed at you regarding anti-depressants.  Some people truly need them and would not function too well without them.


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## Ruthanne (Jan 23, 2020)

I care Marie.  Much love to you  Take good care.


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## Ladybj (Jan 23, 2020)

AnnieA said:


> A good friend who is a therapist told me after his mid 20s younger brother died suddenly that his grief was like the sea.  Huge storm at first that he felt would drown him, followed by calmer seas with random big waves that knocked his feet out from under him all over again.
> 
> (((Marie))) Wish I could take you out for a coffee and give you a hug for real!


I can truly understand the HUGE storm, Calmer seas and random BIG waves...


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## Murphy (Jan 31, 2020)

People handle grief in many ways. 
Following my mother's death many years ago I threw myself into my work and became so tired I didn't have time to think. After I retired and following my next serious cause of grief - divorce- I focused my attention on something else, a new puppy from a shelter who took my mind completely off my situation. 
I swear she must have known how I felt inwardly as I sat quietly alone. She rested her chin on my knee and wagged her tail before hopping onto my lap, getting quite comfortable and was my constant companion for many years until sadly she too passed. If dogs aren't to your liking perhaps a cat, although they are more independent creatures and can roam.


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## Meanderer (Jan 31, 2020)

Hi Marie!  I just found this thread, so I am the tail-end of a long line of well wishers.  Writing your thoughts and feelings here on the forum is hopefully a help.  Talking on the phone with a close friend or relative, regularly, may also help.   Doing simple things that you love to do may help pass the time and ease the pain.  Reach out to people and don't become a stranger.  I will pray for you.


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## Ladybj (Feb 1, 2020)

Murphy said:


> People handle grief in many ways.
> Following my mother's death many years ago I threw myself into my work and became so tired I didn't have time to think. After I retired and following my next serious cause of grief - divorce- I focused my attention on something else, a new puppy from a shelter who took my mind completely off my situation.
> I swear she must have known how I felt inwardly as I sat quietly alone. She rested her chin on my knee and wagged her tail before hopping onto my lap, getting quite comfortable and was my constant companion for many years until sadly she too passed. If dogs aren't to your liking perhaps a cat, although they are more independent creatures and can roam.


Did you ever take time to face your pain/grief other than work and a pet?


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## OneEyedDiva (Feb 1, 2020)

S.A.D. might very well have something to do with how you were feeling Marie. I'm glad to read you are feeling better and I hope that continues.


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## Gaer (Feb 12, 2020)

Call him to you.  If it be telepathy or love, where ever he is in the Universe, he will come to you.  Don't think because you can't see him or hear him that he isn't with you.  Or, You can write to him. The angels read your words and will convey your feelings.  He will try to touch you but you will feel it no more than a gentle breath. Love never dies!  I lost my husband a few years ago and I know exactly how you feel!  It will get better.  Know you will be with him again.  In the meantime, his soul is with you. 

You got some great advice here.  Vitamin D, folic acid will help. B vitamins, seek sunshine, play your favorite music, dance, sing, watch comedies, Ricky Gervais, read Jerry Van Amerongon cartoons, force yourself to smile, feel, FEEL thankful for all the years you had with him! Eat tacos and chocolate and popcorn! Add more butter! Talk to him as if he were standing in front of you! Noone is around to think you're crazy!  Take yourself out to a prime rib dinner at a place the two of you used to go.  Eat. Laugh! You're a strong, capable woman.  You can get through this!


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## Kaila (Feb 14, 2020)

Thinking of each one of you, while those more difficult moments of grieving, come along sometimes.


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## Floridatennisplayer (Feb 14, 2020)

If you lived nearby, I’d come over with ice cream or something and hang around with you.  When the sun finally came out today....my whole mood was lifted.


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## jerry old (Feb 14, 2020)

Living alone is the pits -'Memories 'paint the corners of my mind.'
Another decision: to move to the rural, the pits after 16 years
Yea, living alone is the pits'
"you need to go where the peoples are..." Jeremiah Johnson


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## StarSong (Feb 15, 2020)

Floridatennisplayer said:


> If you lived nearby, I’d come over with ice cream or something and hang around with you.


You know what, @Floridatennisplayer?  I absolutely believe that you would do this.  Your kindness, good cheer and joyful nature shine through in your posts.  ♥


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## Gaer (Feb 15, 2020)

You know what?  It's too soon to do the things I mentioned.  I remember what I was like 9 months after his death.  I wondered what was the purpose of getting up in the morning.  Why eat?  Why cook?  Why do anything?  I tried not to go out of my house.  I never looked people in the face, never talked to anyone.  I didn't go near my computer or t.v.  for at least a year.  It takes a long time to function in society again.  Everyone handles loss differently but I'm proud of you for getting out and about, communicating with friends, etc.  I know you're going to be fine!  I had no one to turn to, completely alone.  I remember going to the Post Office to get mail.  A man said, "Hi!  How are you this morning?"  It was 3 times before I realized he was speaking to me.  I said, "Are you talking to me?"  (no one ever talked to me)  He said, "Yes!  How are you this morning?"  I remember saying, "Oh, You can SEE me?"  I ran out like a third grader and got in my car.  I started crying. "What on Earth is the matter with me?" "Have I completely lost ME?"
There was a time I was in the grocery. I reached for a juicy ribsteak. "Oh, My honey will love that for dinner!"  Then I realized I had no honey.  I started sobbing hysterically, right in the middle of a bunch of strangers.  I couldn't stop crying!  
I guess what I mean to say is You're doing great! (compared to me)  This is something your soul must experience.  This is a growth of the soul that you must endure!  Have the courage to stand alone and force yourself to keep conformity to your life until you can function again.


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## Liberty (Feb 15, 2020)

Gaer said:


> You know what?  It's too soon to do the things I mentioned.  I remember what I was like 9 months after his death.  I wondered what was the purpose of getting up in the morning.  Why eat?  Why cook?  Why do anything?  I tried not to go out of my house.  I never looked people in the face, never talked to anyone.  I didn't go near my computer or t.v.  for at least a year.  It takes a long time to function in society again.  Everyone handles loss differently but I'm proud of you for getting out and about, communicating with friends, etc.  I know you're going to be fine!  I had no one to turn to, completely alone.  I remember going to the Post Office to get mail.  A man said, "Hi!  How are you this morning?"  It was 3 times before I realized he was speaking to me.  I said, "Are you talking to me?"  (no one ever talked to me)  He said, "Yes!  How are you this morning?"  I remember saying, "Oh, You can SEE me?"  I ran out like a third grader and got in my car.  I started crying. "What on Earth is the matter with me?" "Have I completely lost ME?"
> There was a time I was in the grocery. I reached for a juicy ribsteak. "Oh, My honey will love that for dinner!"  Then I realized I had no honey.  I started sobbing hysterically, right in the middle of a bunch of strangers.  I couldn't stop crying!
> I guess what I mean to say is You're doing great! (compared to me)  This is something your soul must experience.  This is a growth of the soul that you must endure!  Have the courage to stand alone and force yourself to keep conformity to your life until you can function again.


You know, if you lived in the Texas gulf coast region, we'd put you to work and annoy you so much you'd be glad to get up in the morning...just to annoy us back!
Wish you were here.  Do you have a dog or cat?


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## Gaer (Feb 15, 2020)

Liberty:  I have a n Australian Shepard dog.  Don't know why . . I'm a cat person.  But he's a good dog for his kind . .  just a damn poor kind!    (Kidding!) I'm fine now.  I'm back to normal.  When your husband dies unexpectantly, it really sets you back.  I was telling her to sing, dance, live again but it's wa-a-a-y too early for her!


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## Marie5656 (Feb 15, 2020)

Liberty said:


> You know, if you lived in the Texas gulf coast region, we'd put you to work and annoy you so much you'd be glad to get up in the morning...just to annoy us back!
> Wish you were here.  Do you have a dog or cat?



No dog, no cat.  Just a lone rat. LOL. Once he is gone, I am going pet free for a while, so I can travel some.  
Not going to Texas any time soon.  People here are annoying enough.


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## Marie5656 (Feb 15, 2020)

*I do enjoy the support I have gotten here over the last year. It was a tough ride, but I am still OK. As I mentioned in the above post, I do want to travel some. Once I get the new car, and once I am without a pet.  
I am already having people invite me for visits. That would be nice.  Things are looking up.   At 6PM this evening, I looked outside and still saw a bit of light.  YAY*


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## RuthW54 (Feb 18, 2020)

Marie5656 said:


> *As I have reported here, over the past few months, I have been doing well since Rick died.  But this evening has been a bad one. I have been feeling rather down in the dumps.  Not really sure why, as I am doing stuff to move on.
> I think it may be the winter time blues kicking in. Past few days been very cold (seasonable temps, but cold and snowy). Getting dark early.  And with the weather, I cannot just pick up and go for a ride, or do something.
> I am wondering if I am feeling symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)? Or what?  This forum has been a good support to me, and I do not mean to whine.  Just feeling out of sorts.  I am going to my doctor tomorrow, and my therapist next week. So, I guess I have a lot to talk about.*


New to this forum and just beginning to read through everyone's stories! This is fantastic that we can be here to support each other! The ups and downs of life are so difficult. I hope you come out of this one soon! -Ruth


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## Marie5656 (Feb 18, 2020)

RuthW54 said:


> New to this forum and just beginning to read through everyone's stories! This is fantastic that we can be here to support each other! The ups and downs of life are so difficult. I hope you come out of this one soon! -Ruth



*Welcome, Ruth. It has been a tough journey for sure. It will be a year since Rick passed on April 22.  I am feeling better every day.*


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## bearcat (Mar 18, 2020)

Marie5656 said:


> *As I have reported here, over the past few months, I have been doing well since Rick died.  But this evening has been a bad one. I have been feeling rather down in the dumps.  Not really sure why, as I am doing stuff to move on.
> I think it may be the winter time blues kicking in. Past few days been very cold (seasonable temps, but cold and snowy). Getting dark early.  And with the weather, I cannot just pick up and go for a ride, or do something.
> I am wondering if I am feeling symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)? Or what?  This forum has been a good support to me, and I do not mean to whine.  Just feeling out of sorts.  I am going to my doctor tomorrow, and my therapist next week. So, I guess I have a lot to talk about.*



Although many feelings, such as lonliness, sadness and anger are heavily criticized, I feel that they exist for a reason.
The key isn't to reject the feelings as fast as possible, but to let them direct you as they are supposed to.
Sometimes, finding someone worse off than yourself, and providing them with help, can lift you up.


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## Marie5656 (Mar 18, 2020)

bearcat said:


> Although many feelings, such as lonliness, sadness and anger are heavily criticized, I feel that they exist for a reason.
> The key isn't to reject the feelings as fast as possible, but to let them direct you as they are supposed to.
> Sometimes, finding someone worse off than yourself, and providing them with help, can lift you up.



I agree with your thoughts.  Since my original post, I am feeling much better.  I am looking more toward the future. Once the current health issues are behind us, I hope to start volunteering somewhere, and being more active in life.


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## bearcat (Mar 19, 2020)

Marie5656 said:


> I agree with your thoughts.  Since my original post, I am feeling much better.  I am looking more toward the future. Once the current health issues are behind us, I hope to start volunteering somewhere, and being more active in life.



Volunteering doesn't necessarily have to be formal.
Nor does it have to be in person.  You could, for example, do online tutoring.

https://www.learntobe.org/apply

Some of my experiences might be helpful to readers thinking
about volunteering:

I looked into volunteering to help adults learn to read, or read better.

The group that was searching for "volunteers" required that those volunteers pay what I considered
quite a steep fee to be "trained".  I decided that was not for me.

I volunteered to serve as a foster home for a shelter overflowing with cats.
My interactions with the cats and potential new cat owners was very good.
But the woman running the shelter is what I refer to as a "control freak", so I quit doing that.

My point is, be aware of everyone you may have to deal with inside an organization ahead of time.
Some types get involved in things just to satisfy a petty desire to manipulate others.

I got involved in a group that collects donated books, and sends them upon request free of
charge to persons who are in prison.  Issues quickly became evident:

1. The demand far outstripped the supply.  As you might be aware, the united states locks up a higher
percentage of it's citizens than any other nation on earth.  Also, it is possible for states to make money
by taking in (for a fee) convicts from other states, then giving them inadequate
housing, food, etc. to make a profit.

So.....Texas  is full of prisons, which often have no prison library or prison education program.
We got a lot of requests.

2.  Donations didn't match needs.  Out of date computer manuals, for example.
Outdated college textbooks, when what were needed were GED study guides.
Romance novels, when the requests in fiction called for Westerns.

3.  This was a tiny volunteer group with no funding to speak of.   A little know fact is that shipments from overseas were for decades
heavily subsidized by the American taxpayer.
They get USPS shipping rates that are below cost.
( in case anyone is curious:  https://thehill.com/opinion/finance/418081-usps-is-done-subsidizing-chinese-package-shipping)

Similarly, a library can mail materials at a special reduced "library rate".
However, no one had tried to get our group officially designated a "library" by the city so we could qualify for that shipping rate.

4.  So, I attended a group meeting of the volunteers after a few months of working there, and tried to make
some suggestions.  What I discovered, and others may discover, is that while many persons are eager to
talk about a problem, they're not actually interested in a solution.

One book terms this the "Yes but" game.  The person wants affirmation that they are not
a failure, but rather that the situation is in fact as insoluble as they perceive it.

One would think that a new member bringing fresh perspective would be quite welcome.
On the contrary, you may discover entrenched cliques that perceive you as a threat.

You may encounter what is sometimes referred to as the Khaneman effect.  The more experienced
and intelligent the person, the more likely they are to presume that they are correct in all instances, while
blind to better solutions.  Thinking that is "too quick".

For example, I proposed that we solve the dearth of apt donations issue by partnering with
an online book vendor.

My suggestion was that Amazon (for example) would introduce a step in the book-buying process.
Customers could opt out of seeing this step.

We would create a database of needed books. When a customer clicked "buy now" on a book from our list,
they'd see an opportunity to buy two copies, donating one.
I was quite harshly interrupted by a very intelligent woman, a veteran of the group.
  She jumped to the wrong conclusion because
she was too intelligent.

"Those listings of used books on Amazon aren't going to save us any money!" she cried out.
She had, like most intelligent persons, not been listening.  Her unconscious
internal dialog was "I already know it all"

She said, "when a used book is listed for only a penny, you click "buy now" and what pops up
is a price that includes a shipping rate of ten or twenty dollars, it's a scam!"

Now, while I was well aware of this fact, I had NOT begun my suggestion by saying,
'hey you can get really cheap books from Amazon", nor anything remotely like that.

My idea wasn't actually specific to Amazon, it's just the example I used.

Similarly, my suggestion that we get designated a library was shot down as "impossible".

You may encounter, to your dismay, dysfunctional groups like this.
When you question counter-productive methods, you may hear "We've always done it that way"
as if no other possibility exists!"

Although I do not know anything about it, you might be interested in the volunteer program
Service Corps of Retired Executives.

I was surprised and uplifted to learn that a program was successful in a major city.
There were a great many single mothers, dropouts, with few if any parenting skills.
This program literally taught single mothers how to be a good parent.

I hope you find an excellent way to share the best of yourself with others.

Edit:  Of course many readers are going to say, "why not simply give prisoners Electronic Books and save
all the trouble of collecting and mailing physical books?"
Unfortunately, prisoners are preyed upon for profit, and where this has been introduced
it has been used to make money, not help people.
Also, like most censorship, the available book list is arbitrary and absurd.

Of course, some readers will logically think, "prisoners should not be rewarded with
free education!"
I would just point out that if they emerge educated, the chance of their getting a job that
will pay enough tax to cover the cost of their incarceration might be greater.

As seniors living alone, most of us can relate to the concept of "Out of sight, out of mind".
There are pen pal services.  You write a letter. The service re-mails it to the prisoner pen pal.
The prisoner never sees your full name, your address, not even your zip code.


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## boliverchadsworth (Apr 23, 2020)

Marie5656 said:


> Sounds like a good idea. I will try


read :"memo from god", by Ogg Mandino very uplifting pep talk/gratitude narrative...half-full half-empty---glass is too big...


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## boliverchadsworth (Apr 23, 2020)

bearcat said:


> Volunteering doesn't necessarily have to be formal.
> Nor does it have to be in person.  You could, for example, do online tutoring.
> 
> https://www.learntobe.org/apply
> ...


thank you for that -- I refer to that particular malady as the "kruger dunning" effect ...look it up I am sure you will enjoy applying to your local moronic culture as I do.....


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## Ladybj (Apr 23, 2020)

Marie5656 said:


> *As I have reported here, over the past few months, I have been doing well since Rick died.  But this evening has been a bad one. I have been feeling rather down in the dumps.  Not really sure why, as I am doing stuff to move on.
> I think it may be the winter time blues kicking in. Past few days been very cold (seasonable temps, but cold and snowy). Getting dark early.  And with the weather, I cannot just pick up and go for a ride, or do something.
> I am wondering if I am feeling symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)? Or what?  This forum has been a good support to me, and I do not mean to whine.  Just feeling out of sorts.  I am going to my doctor tomorrow, and's  my therapist next week. So, I guess I have a lot to talk about.*


@Marie5656  That's very normal. My sister passed tragically on my birthday last year.  I have down days which are getting far and in between.   You may be feeling SAD.  So glad you will be going to see your therapist next week.  My heart goes out to those that have been effected by C-19 but I have not wrapped my head around it with everything that has been going on in my life....  My sister passed away, my oldest son being in and out the hospital..it's been a bit much.  But through it all, I am doing well.  Taking one day at a time and enjoying life in between.  I pray all is well with you.


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