# Who do you consider is your "family", or do you feel alone?



## grahamg (Jan 24, 2021)

A very good friend of mine many years ago was questioned by her doctor I think it was, (maybe it was the local vicar/minister/priest?), about whether or not as humans we are alone, my friend asserting we are, and we all know we leave this world alone dont we, (i.e. no one will be able to take your place or go with you! ).

Its hard for me to say who I believe is my family, or at least this has become the case during the last five years, concerning my immediate family/siblings, but my extended family are just as good as ever, and I had a great chat with a cousin last night, (well cousin's daughter actually, so second cousin), who became a mum for the first time six months ago.  

As you get older you probably consider your friends as part of your family, at least those who you've known almost a lifetime, so we'll/I'll include them in a sense in "my family", or at least those I expect to call or see through business fairly regularly as time goes on, or without interruption I mean.  

Then there are our ex.'s, where do they fit in if anywhere, for example where the splitting was amicable? Do they wish to be called once a year or every couple of years, or vice versa, maybe if we are having a rough time of some kind? 

Finally our "online friends", well we all know they/we are not real friends, its all pretend isn't it, (or is it?   ).


----------



## tbeltrans (Jan 24, 2021)

I am sure that when I get old enough, I will be meeting new friends every day even though they are probably the same people I greeted as new friends yesterday.   

My family was never close, so there are only a couple of siblings I seem to remain in occasional contact with.  I was never particularly a "social butterfly", but do have a few former co-workers that I keep in touch with (or did before COVID-19).

I do agree that we go out of this world alone even if there are people around when we die.  Other than with twins or triplets, we come into the world alone too.  However, that simply is the way it is, so I don't see that as particularly good or bad.

Tony


----------



## Ruby Rose (Jan 25, 2021)

grahamg said:


> A very good friend of mine many years ago was questioned by her doctor I think it was, (maybe it was the local vicar/minister/priest?), about whether or not as humans we are alone, my friend asserting we are, and we all know we leave this world alone dont we, (i.e. no one will be able to take your place or go with you! ).
> 
> Its hard for me to say who I believe is my family, or at least this has become the case during the last five years, concerning my immediate family/siblings, but my extended family are just as good as ever, and I had a great chat with a cousin last night, (well cousin's daughter actually, so second cousin), who became a mum for the first time six months ago.
> 
> ...


This is a hard one to tackle but thought I would sit a bit and ponder on the above. On the other hand, perhaps I won't as too many thoughts came to mind and no reason to share such...so think I'll simply bundle up and go and hug one of the horses.


----------



## Remy (Jan 25, 2021)

My mother's tactic was to isolate the kids and my stepfather from his family. My mother was an immigrant so she had no family here. This is something abusive people and people with my mother's condition do. She would have never known or acknowledge the damage this did.

I'm absolutely alone. My stepfather is alive but he is a burden to me. Something I won't tell him. He put up with my mother's abuse and enabled her abuse of me. I still don't want to bother or torture him about it in his old age. My one brother became an abuser himself. I say forget family.


----------



## Ruby Rose (Jan 25, 2021)

tbeltrans said:


> I am sure that when I get old enough, I will be meeting new friends every day even though they are probably the same people I greeted as new friends yesterday.
> 
> My family was never close, so there are only a couple of siblings I seem to remain in occasional contact with.  I was never particularly a "social butterfly", but do have a few former co-workers that I keep in touch with (or did before COVID-19).
> 
> ...


For some reason, your post reminds me of a short story that I wrote in 1995 called 'Going Home' and where I quote Socrates *'Who knows that what we call death is really* *life,* *and life is death'.* It is a story full of vibrant colours. I will submit it soon on the forum for one and all to peruse and possibly enjoy.


----------



## grahamg (Jan 25, 2021)

Remy said:


> My mother's tactic was to isolate the kids and my stepfather from his family. My mother was an immigrant so she had no family here. This is something abusive people and people with my mother's condition do. She would have never known or acknowledge the damage this did.
> I'm absolutely alone. My stepfather is alive but he is a burden to me. Something I won't tell him. He put up with my mother's abuse and enabled her abuse of me. I still don't want to bother or torture him about it in his old age. My one brother became an abuser himself. I say forget family.


I'm sorry to hear of your situation.


----------



## MarciKS (Jan 25, 2021)

for me it has always been just my parents mostly because they've been the ones who've always been there for me. once they're gone i will literally be all alone.


----------



## Gary O' (Jan 25, 2021)

Who do you consider is your "family", or do you feel alone?​
Let's seeeeee.....

Used to be older folks

but

they're all dead

However, the 17 grandkids keep showing up

Guess I'm the freaking patriarch now

I may move back to the cabin
....where winters are quiet


----------



## grahamg (Jan 25, 2021)

Gary O' said:


> Who do you consider is your "family", or do you feel alone?​Let's seeeeee....., Used to be older folks, but they're all dead
> However, the 17 grandkids keep showing up. Guess I'm the freaking patriarch now
> I may move back to the cabin, ....where winters are quiet


I mean this sincerely, I feel your presence on this forum gives us all something, a warm feeling, maybe making the rest of us feel less alone perhaps, whilst there's someone prepared to show us humour, wit, draw us in to your personality, "be our dad" (almost anyway!  ).


----------



## Gary O' (Jan 25, 2021)

​grahmag, 

Under all that other stuff, yer a sweetheart 

At this stage, us members (seniors), I think we're all Dads and Moms

And, thankfully, for this place, we're never alone

Thank you, son.....brother.....thank you, brother


----------



## Rosemarie (Jan 26, 2021)

Ruby Rose said:


> This is a hard one to tackle but thought I would sit a bit and ponder on the above. On the other hand, perhaps I won't as too many thoughts came to mind and no reason to share such...so think I'll simply bundle up and go and hug one of the horses.


Sometimes it's difficult to put into words just exactly how we feel. 
We are all alone inside our own little container (the body), but would you want to share your body with someone else? Do Siamese twins feel alone even though they are conjoined?
There is the theory that we can be likened to drops of water, each of us in a separate bubble but actually part of a much bigger whole.
To answer the question....although I am part of quite a large family, I have little contact with them. I regard my pets as my family.


----------



## grahamg (Jan 26, 2021)

Rosemarie said:


> Sometimes it's difficult to put into words just exactly how we feel. We are all alone inside our own little container (the body), but would you want to share your body with someone else? Do Siamese twins feel alone even though they are conjoined?
> There is the theory that we can be likened to drops of water, each of us in a separate bubble but actually part of a much bigger whole.
> To answer the question....although I am part of quite a large family, I have little contact with them. I regard my pets as my family.


"Two can become one they say", (dont they?)!
I think my friend mentioned in the OP would agree with you, and she was very soft with her Yorkshire terrier "Kip" too, though being a wonderful mum to her three sons took up most of her life. 
The eldest of her boys turned awkward or disdainful towards his mother when he was about forty, (he'd been an Oxbridge student which changed or hardened him she said, and top of his class at our school too). Sheila's response was to write him quite a long letter, in response to a trivial/childish note he'd sent. In her letter she told him she had not given her permission to use her first name, and she gently reminded him of her achievements both as a mother and beforehand. In the end her wonderful letter must have made him feel a fool for behaving as it did towards a mother who loved him as she did, and without whom he'd have gotten nowhere near the heady heights he achieved in his career.


----------



## Buckeye (Jan 26, 2021)

Minor point of clarity - your cousin's daughter is not your second cousin.  She is your first cousin once removed.

You're welcome.


----------



## grahamg (Jan 26, 2021)

Buckeye said:


> Minor point of clarity - your cousin's daughter is not your second cousin.  She is your first cousin once removed.
> You're welcome.


Thank you, I didn't realise that was the case, (what does it make a second cousin I wonder in that case?).  .


----------



## Buckeye (Jan 26, 2021)

grahamg said:


> Thank you, I didn't realise that was the case, (what does it make a second cousin I wonder in that case?).  .


Your child would be a second cousin to your 1st cousin's child.  Or so it has been explained to me


----------



## Ronni (Jan 26, 2021)

I have a large immediate/nuclear family....5 kids and 10 grands, and when Ron and I married I became a step-mom to his two girls and step-grandma to his 3 grands. All but 1 (my oldest, the first responder I sometimes talk about) live close by.  We are a very close knit family, both the biological family and the step family.

I also have what I call the family of my heart. While they are not bio-family, I love them like my own. They include several younger folks around my kids’ ages, and several friends around my own age.

All that said, no matter how close we are to so many people, we all leave this world alone, and leave our loved ones behind.

That doesn’t bother me, but what does make me sad is the knowledge that because we as a family are all so close, there will be sadness at my passing whenever that happens. It’s the one thing that as a Mom I can’t “fix” and make better for my loved ones.


----------



## Ruby Rose (Jan 26, 2021)

Ronni said:


> I have a large immediate/nuclear family....5 kids and 10 grands, and when Ron and I married I became a step-mom to his two girls and step-grandma to his 3 grands. All but 1 (my oldest, the first responder I sometimes talk about) live clos by.  We are a very close knit family, both the biological family and the step family.
> 
> I also have what I call the family of my heart. While they are not bio-family, I love them like my own. They include several younger folks around my kids’ ages, and several friends around my own age.
> 
> ...


I love your post...you have a sincere heartfelt way of writing.


----------



## Kathleen’s Place (Jan 26, 2021)

I am lucky enough to still have a lot of “family” family. A brother and sister, nieces nephews, grand nieces and nephews...and we are all pretty close...not in miles, but keep close through mail and phone calls. Cousins the same way. Then there is our own family of 3 sons, 3 DIL’s and 7 grandkids. Very very close to all of them. I consider my husbands family mine also. And I consider my DIL’s families mine. And last but not least I have family that wasn’t chosen for me....  Friends who I consider family. Not a ton but maybe a dozen or so that I consider family. Blessed...that is what I am


----------



## Ruthanne (Jan 27, 2021)

MarciKS said:


> for me it has always been just my parents mostly because they've been the ones who've always been there for me. once they're gone i will literally be all alone.


My parents were the ones I was closest to even though we had a lot of differences of opinions over the years.  I can relate to you though because since they've both been gone I've been all alone but I do have my pet family whom I am grateful for.

I am also grateful for this site with all the people here to communicate with and share interesting ideas and all kinds of things.


----------



## Ruthanne (Jan 27, 2021)

I forgot to add that I do have some siblings in my life somewhat, too, mainly my brothers who are helpful to me.  They certainly are family, too.


----------



## Ruth n Jersey (Jan 27, 2021)

I have a very small family now but I know my son and daughter will be there for me when my time comes. This is comforting to me. My only fear is that they will try to prolong my life rather than make my passing easier even though we have discussed it.
I have one good friend who I consider family but she is in a nursing home so I'm more of caretaker now and though we talk of the good old days on the phone I don't burden her with any of the problems I might have.


----------



## Keesha (Jan 27, 2021)

My husband and our dogs & cat are my everything! I can’t imagine life without them.


----------



## MarciKS (Jan 27, 2021)

Ruthanne said:


> I forgot to add that I do have some siblings in my life somewhat, too, mainly my brothers who are helpful to me.  They certainly are family, too.


I have a baby brother but he doesn't really bother with me.


----------



## Ruthanne (Jan 27, 2021)

MarciKS said:


> I have a baby brother but he doesn't really bother with me.


Sorry to hear that.  I don't hear from my family too much either.


----------



## Keesha (Jan 27, 2021)

Buckeye said:


> Minor point of clarity - your cousin's daughter is not your second cousin.  She is your first cousin once removed.
> 
> You're welcome.


I never get stuff like this. I’ve got not aunts, uncles or cousins so my husband has to always explain it to me. lol


----------



## Ruthanne (Jan 27, 2021)

Keesha said:


> I never get stuff like this. I’ve got not aunts, uncles or cousins so my husband has to always explain it to me. lol


I don't get that stuff either but my brother does so I ask him.


----------



## Keesha (Jan 27, 2021)

Ruthanne said:


> Sorry to hear that.  I don't hear from my family too much either.


Yep. No further comment.


----------



## MarciKS (Jan 27, 2021)

Ruthanne said:


> Sorry to hear that.  I don't hear from my family too much either.


I have to keep in touch with my parents every day. But they're the only ones that bother.


----------



## Ruthanne (Jan 27, 2021)

MarciKS said:


> I have to keep in touch with my parents every day. But they're the only ones that bother.


I wish I still had my parents as they were the only ones that bothered with me too for the most part


----------



## MarciKS (Jan 27, 2021)

Ruthanne said:


> I wish I still had my parents as they were the only ones that bothered with me too for the most part


----------



## Gaer (Jan 27, 2021)

My only family are my two grown children and they are thousands of miles away.  
I have a very few people I consider friends but they are also thousands of miles away.
Guess that makes me pretty alone, from an Earthly perspective.
and that's fine.


----------



## Lewkat (Jan 27, 2021)

Hello, Family.


----------



## Ruby Rose (Jan 28, 2021)

Keesha said:


> My husband and our dogs & cat are my everything! I can’t imagine life without them.


Keesha...this is Big Bud, our Percheron...one of my four-legged friends, that I thought was a bear at first...but is as gentle as can be. He used to pull logs way up North. I am the short one sitting on him.


----------



## Keesha (Jan 28, 2021)

Ruby Rose said:


> Keesha...this is Big Bud, our Percheron...one of my four-legged friends, that I thought was a bear at first...but is as gentle as can be. He used to pull logs way up North. I am the short one sitting on him.


Beautiful!
You look as comfortable as can be.
Ive got some pictures of me on some horses but I’ll pass on showing them.


----------



## Ruby Rose (Jan 28, 2021)

Keesha said:


> Beautiful!
> You look as comfortable as can be.
> Ive got some pictures of me on a horses but I’ll pass on showing them.


That's OK...just glad you liked it.


----------



## BertieJean (Jan 29, 2021)

Nothing as lonely as having relationships but none of them really know you or understand you.


----------



## OneEyedDiva (Jan 29, 2021)

I have my son, my grandchildren, my honorary children, an honorary granddaughter, my sister, my DIL, my BFF and two other good friends I call "Sis". I also have plenty of other family...nieces, nephews and grands of those as well as a host of cousins, some of whom keep in touch now via Facebook, calls or texts. I get enough calls, which turn into laugh fests that I don't feel alone.


----------



## Ruby Rose (Jan 29, 2021)

Gaer said:


> My only family are my two grown children and they are thousands of miles away.
> I have a very few people I consider friends but they are also thousands of miles away.
> Guess that makes me pretty alone, from an Earthly perspective.
> and that's fine.


My only family are my three grown children, one of which along with my two grandchildren live at the other end of the country...but they do keep in touch. I have many nephews, nieces (product of my coming from such a large family and all and of which I am pretty well the only one left), in-laws, out-laws, etc...but I do believe they all think that I have passed...So I say and believe one must strive to be happy, accept and enjoy the day in spite of...and I do. I am afraid that pretty well all of my friends are 4 legged along with the chickens and ducks...and they know they are loved.


----------



## Sunny (Jan 29, 2021)

I am very lucky to have a close-knit, loving family. Not close in physical location, we're spread out all over the place, but we manage to stay in constant touch, with texting, e-mail, and a weekly zoom meeting. And now, with a new baby in the family, tons of adorable baby pictures flying to everyone's phones.

As for what relationship we all are, that's pretty complicated. This summer, the following group are renting a beautiful, large house at the beach for a week. Everybody is coming, as far as I know. Here's our family, both biological and those who have somehow become a part of the family through marriage or whatever:

Me
My three children
One son-in-law
6 grandchildren
3 "significant others" 
3 children of one of the significant others
And ... my new great-granddaughter!

 Hope I didn't leave anyone out.


----------



## Irwin (Jan 29, 2021)

Everyone I consider "family" lives under my roof. One of them is my wife and the other is my dog.  

I was never close to any of my immediate family and as time went on, we grew even further apart to the point we have no contact. I'm pretty sure two of them could be diagnosed with sociopathy or psychopathy. Bleh. Bad people. I don't need that in my life.


----------

