# Met someone, is it real or is it a catfisher



## MickaC (Jan 8, 2022)

Once again, taken by surprise.
Someone knocking on the door to my heart.
Is this really supposed to happen in real life.
I guess i've stepped up a bit.......
He's an ortho doctor......works for the UN......practices in overseas countries.
He's presently in Yaman, Germany......returns back to his home in Ontario, Canada, this month.
Have been communicating for the last two weeks.

So......what's wrong with me.


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## hollydolly (Jan 8, 2022)

MickaC said:


> Once again, taken by surprise.
> Someone knocking on the door to my heart.
> Is this really supposed to happen in real life.
> I guess i've stepped up a bit.......
> ...


hang on...have I missed something.. wasn't it you who had the truck driver friend... or am I getting you mixed up with someone else ?


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## MickaC (Jan 8, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> hang on...have I missed something.. wasn't it you who had the truck driver friend... or am I getting you mixed up with someone else ?


yes, it was me.


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## hollydolly (Jan 8, 2022)

MickaC said:


> yes, it was me.


what happened?..don't feel the need to say if you haven't already made it public...  but did you break up ?..


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## Paco Dennis (Jan 8, 2022)

Nothing is wrong with you. Personal relationships can be quite involved, and can often times feel like a roller coaster.  ...i don't know , but maybe just take it slow, and enjoy his company . Maybe he will be a good friend.


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## MickaC (Jan 8, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> what happened?..don't feel the need to say if you haven't already made it public...  but did you break up ?..


I guess you're behind the times.
I posted under ....there are no guarantees.....in family and relationships, back in October.
That endeavour failed.


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## Aunt Bea (Jan 8, 2022)

Congratulations, but please be careful!





_“Follow your heart but take your brain with you.”_ - Alfred Adler


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## IFortuna (Jan 8, 2022)

MickaC said:


> Once again, taken by surprise.
> Someone knocking on the door to my heart.
> Is this really supposed to happen in real life.
> I guess i've stepped up a bit.......
> ...


There is nothing wrong with you . . . However, I had a similar experience that may or may not be authentic in relation to you.  First of all, consider where you met this new love.  I suspect it was on a dating site.  Please correct me along the way if I am wrong.

The man I met was on a dating site. I was head over heals. He told me he was vascular surgeon and "general doctor" in Syria on a 2 year UN contract that would be ending in April 2022.  He is very good looking and I decided to share his photo with a good friend of mine who lives out of state. 

She contacted a friend of hers and sent the picture along.  Her friend contacted a similar  site that I use called "Social Catfish"  and they scanned the photo. (anyone can do this).  All you do it right click the photo and select "Copy" and follow the simple directions by clicking on the picture and entering it in the box provided on Social Catfish.  Likely if they are a fraud up to dozens of photos will pop up.
Dozens of photos came up on my man which indicated catfish.

I was shocked but not heartbroken.  After all, I had "known" him only a very short time,
When you confront them they will vehemently deny it.  They will start with all the pretty words they know got to your heart and caught you. They will have you believing that they were  hacked, scammed, taken advantage of and the like. Don't listen it is a scam.  Most importantly, *do not send money* in any form to this person or persons.

Many will post on a site that they are "animal lovers", and that they are widowed.

As hurtful as this could be to you, please take your man's photo many of them if you can and check out one of the Catfish fraud sites and follow the instructions.  In the long run, you will not be sorry.
If your man does not come on the catfish site, it is not a guarantee.
The other thing I did with my new man is have him take a photo or scan of the front *and* back of a current driver's license and send the pics to you.  This will offer you some protection and the genuine man will comply.

If  he is anywhere near authentic, he will respect your efforts to protect yourself.  I don't want to burst your bubble or hurt your heart but please check any man wanting a relationship with you this way.
Please , please, protect yourself.  I know emotions are running high but you will find the *right* guy.

There are many of these scammers out there with enticing stories of who they are and what they are doing.
Before I left the site I was on, those interested in me had pictures attached to their profile.  Two of them I checked out I reported and they were immediately removed from the dating site within seconds.  The dating site will use there investigative tools to confirm. 
Questions are welcome.  PM me if you would like.  Best of luck to you.


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## caroln (Jan 8, 2022)

After reading the post by IFortuna, I'm really glad I found people to date (years ago) the "old fashioned" way.  Dating sounds really complicated nowadays.  And unsafe.  Dating used to be fun.


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## IFortuna (Jan 8, 2022)

caroln said:


> After reading the post by IFortuna, I'm really glad I found people to date (years ago) the "old fashioned" way.  Dating sounds really complicated nowadays.  And unsafe.  Dating used to be fun.


Meeting someone in person is no guarantee either.  You need to check them out on one of the crime or identity search sites to even see if their name is authentic and go from there.  If you are seriously concerned, give the photo to the police and tell them of your concerns.  It is easy to fall for someone who gives us "love" and attention.  Always be careful and check out your man.  If you can take pics of his DL back and front and back along with other reports, do so and give copies to family members. Also, if they are isolating you or not sharing you with family and friends, this is one big red flag.  If they are asking for money, don't give it.  It may start out small and the amount will grow over time.
This advice is for men as well who often get taken too. This is your life we are talking about.


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## win231 (Jan 8, 2022)

Well, see where it goes.  He does have a good-paying job.
And maybe he can fix your joints.


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## MickaC (Jan 8, 2022)

IFortuna said:


> There is nothing wrong with you . . . However, I had a similar experience that may or may not be authentic in relation to you.  First of all, consider where you met this new love.  I suspect it was on a dating site.  Please correct me along the way if I am wrong.
> 
> The man I met was on a dating site. I was head over heals. He told me he was vascular surgeon and "general doctor" in Syria on a 2 year UN contract that would be ending in April 2022.  He is very good looking and I decided to share his photo with a good friend of mine who lives out of state.
> 
> ...


BIG THANKS IFortuna.
This is something i never heard of before......this is very valuable advice.....i going to try that.....as you say.....safety is the best policy.
May take you up on your PM offer....Thanks again.


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## Packerjohn (Jan 8, 2022)

If I were you I would Google, "Dangers of Internet Dating."  The 1st really red flag is someone asking you for money before you even meet this person.  Don't believe any "hardluck" stories.  I met this lady who claimed to be a retired lawyer.  She invited me for a drink.  I told her I "don't drink and drive."  Goodby retired lawyer and good riddance!  They say there's more fish in the sea where that one came from!


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## Gaer (Jan 8, 2022)

It's never a mistake to love someone. Trust me on this.
I'm so happy for you!  
Give him all the love you've got!  This is wonderful!

You will never lose the capacity for deep love you have filed away in your heart!


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## feywon (Jan 8, 2022)

Aunt Bea said:


> Congratulations, but please be careful!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


That Adler quote a favorite of mine tho i sometimes remind people that the opposite is also true: It is good to asses things rationally but consulting your heart (and gut instincts) is useful too.


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## fuzzybuddy (Jan 8, 2022)

MickaC, 
He's an ortho doctor......works for the UN......practices in overseas countries.
He's presently in Yaman, Germany......returns back to his home in Ontario, Canada, this month.
Have been communicating for the last two weeks.

Doesn't this sound a little too good? The only thing missing is being an Arabic prince. Why do I get the feeling he's going to have problems transferring his millions in German marks to Canadian dollars, but all he needs is a few thousand for a lawyer?
Open your heart, but hide your purse.


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## Kaila (Jan 8, 2022)

MickaC said:


> s this really supposed to happen in real life.
> I guess i've stepped up a bit.......
> He's an ortho doctor......works for the UN......practices in overseas countries.
> He's presently in Yaman, Germany......returns back to his home in Ontario, Canada, this month.
> ...



Nothing wrong with you.
But how do you know that _any of those things _are actually true about this person or group that is interacting with you?

This is *not* usually the way things happen in real life, to answer your question, in my experience, dear Micka.
There *are ways* to check out some of the info they gave you,

and you should either: simply forget about this one, which is extremely likely to be a fish line, with motives very different from yours....
_OR, _ find multiple ways of checking this out further, *before* you give ANY personal info about yourself, please!

The simplest way to check at least something, is to put their info into a search engine, and see what comes up,
Or if they sent you any pictures, to right click on it, and let the Web search for each picture online, and see where they might have gotten it, in order to use on you, and on others.

You could also search the Internet for orthopedic doctors in Ontario, and see if you can go to a hospital's website, to see if that name is listed, and if any of the info given you, or pictures sent to you, match.

I wish this was for real. But that is very unlikely, and at the least, you should *not assume it is, friend.*


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## Kaila (Jan 8, 2022)

Even when we meet someone in real life, where there *are* a lot more ways to help you to figure out if it's a real person being truthful or not,

we should still want to know them a lot longer than a month, before we conclude anything. (Unless you know other trusted people, who know them)

And even if you met them locally, instead of an online thing telling you a story, you could still check out if things they tell you are true or not...

(such as, are there even any  Ortho doctors in Ontario who do those trips; If so, it would be included in their professional Bio, as would family info, schooling, and usually a Photo.)

It is my view that you are feeling your own capacity to love, which is a wonderful thing,

but at this time, those feelings probably have nothing to do with what someone or some group, can write to you online.
Sorry, Micka, but I would really not give my heart, until you have much more info,  and much more verification of that info about it. 

If it turns out to be a real person, and an honest one, and one that is good for you, then they still will be, after you have been more cautious and careful, for a more lengthy time.  And they wouldn't mind that.


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## RadishRose (Jan 8, 2022)

IFortuna said:


> If they are asking for money


RUN!


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## IFortuna (Jan 8, 2022)

RadishRose said:


> RUN!


Just happened to me again from someone I met at the site    He just this evening asked me for $500 !  Me laughing hysterically!


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## IFortuna (Jan 8, 2022)

Packerjohn said:


> If I were you I would Google, "Dangers of Internet Dating."  The 1st really red flag is someone asking you for money before you even meet this person.  Don't believe any "hardluck" stories.  I met this lady who claimed to be a retired lawyer.  She invited me for a drink.  I told her I "don't drink and drive."  Goodby retired lawyer and good riddance!  They say there's more fish in the sea where that one came from!


Yeah POF!  Catfish can be reported and should be.  Any legit dating site will remove them literally in a flash!


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## Kaila (Jan 8, 2022)

IFortuna said:


> Just happened to me again from someone I met at the site   He just this evening asked me for $500 !  Me laughing hysterically!


Do you mean at a dating site?


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## hollydolly (Jan 8, 2022)

Do you all pay for these dating sites ?


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## jujube (Jan 8, 2022)

On dating sites, if it sounds too good to be true.....it usually is too good to be true.....


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## Murrmurr (Jan 8, 2022)

MickaC said:


> I guess you're behind the times.
> I posted under ....there are no guarantees.....in family and relationships, back in October.
> That endeavour failed.


And so, Try, try again.

I was single for decades after my only divorce, and dated a LOT; was in several relationships, none worked out. I finally just gave up on an actual relationship about 10 or 12 years ago.

And then, _bam!_ One fine afternoon a neighbor named Michelle swatted me on the my behind while I was getting my mail, and several months later, we got married. Our 1st anniversary is coming up this summer.


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## Ruthanne (Jan 8, 2022)

MickaC said:


> Once again, taken by surprise.
> Someone knocking on the door to my heart.
> Is this really supposed to happen in real life.
> I guess i've stepped up a bit.......
> ...


Best wishes to you.  I'm sure you're wise and take the necessary precautions.  I mean that.  I use some sites to try to make friends, etc.  I've read all the safety warnings.  It's still difficult to meet the right ones IMO.  I am communicating with two guys presently.  I'm just trying to find a man I can get along with well.  I hope it turns out well for you.


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## PamfromTx (Jan 8, 2022)




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## IFortuna (Jan 8, 2022)

Kaila said:


> Do you mean at a dating site?


Yes this was someone I met at the site, however, he is not on a catfish site.  I think this was a one off.  We will see.  We still correspond.  It is very difficult with someone who comes back "clean", no trouble or duplicity that is obvious.  Only time will tell if the person is genuine.  By that time one may be deeply involved emotionally.  Guard your emotions above all.  This can be either dangerous or rewarding in an emotional sense.  Which is why you should not send personal info on yourself.  This includes your financials, credit cards, address, don't send you driver's license image but do ask for his or hers, don't send a lot of photos early on and don't send photos that put you in a compromising light.  Be discreet.  Although it is generally assumed that the catfish perpetrator is male, many women do this too.  I suggest that if you wish to meet, do this in a very public place and do not leave with the new date.  Protect yourself always.


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## IFortuna (Jan 8, 2022)

Kaila said:


> Do you mean at a dating site?


Yes.


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## IFortuna (Jan 8, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> Do you all pay for these dating sites ?


If you are interested:
Yes.   About 100 to 130 or a little more for 6 to 12 months membership. Watch  out for automatic renewal. The sites are design to make money like any other business.  If you are very disappointed some sites like the one I belonged to will give you a partial refund.  And, it is big business.  
I will say these sites can be good for the ego or sad.  Mostly women get  the most attention which can be a nice reward.  I say it is mostly worth it.  Just keep a good perspective on emotions. I recommend not getting carried away.  It is hard not to when the guy comes on and calls you gorgeous and dear, and sweetheart, etc.


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## win231 (Jan 9, 2022)

Murrmurr said:


> And so, Try, try again.
> 
> I was single for decades after my only divorce, and dated a LOT; was in several relationships, none worked out. I finally just gave up on an actual relationship about 10 or 12 years ago.
> 
> And then, _bam!_ One fine afternoon a neighbor named Michelle swatted me on the my behind while I was getting my mail, and several months later, we got married. Our 1st anniversary is coming up this summer.


While you were getting your mail, she was checking for a package.


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## Murrmurr (Jan 9, 2022)

win231 said:


> While you were getting your mail, she was checking for a package.


and apparently, she liked what she found.


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## katlupe (Jan 9, 2022)

I am sorry to say I get those same type of guys sending me friend requests every day on fakebook. They are always a doctor or a general and are working overseas. Beautiful homes, cars and their pictures are always impressive. 

Please be very careful!


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## Judycat (Jan 9, 2022)

More power to ya. I try to imagine myself sorting through men on a dating site. Just can't do it. Keeps feeling like I'd be looking for trouble. You know what you're doing though, so hope you find a decent guy.


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## MickaC (Jan 9, 2022)

Thanks for all your advice and sharing, very much appreciated. 
Love hearing about shared experiences. Please share.

What i did last night for starters was.....
Messaged him......politely and respectful, brought up the term  " Catfishing "
So....
Will see if there is a response.


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## feywon (Jan 9, 2022)

jujube said:


> On dating sites, if it sounds too good to be true.....it usually is too good to be true.....


Not just 'dating' sites, Facebook, niche social sites and out here in physical world. 

You don't have to be rich to be a target--if you own your home and have a monthly SSA or other retirement check some people will still try to ingratiate themselves. 

Trust, but verify. Not only is asking for $$ a red flag--but if they start talking about being in love with you early on be cautious.  There is a personality type that is not after anything material--they come on strong from beginning--but once you commit to a relationship with them they will start nitpicking about everything you say and do--even if it's how you've talked and acted from the start.  For some it's an emotional issue--trying to reassure themselves they're 'loveable' by getting others to care deeply about them---for some it is just the 'challenge'.


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## Alligatorob (Jan 9, 2022)

Interesting thread.  

Unfortunate this happens, but like others have said asking for $ should be red flag.  No idea why anyone would have a legit reason to do that, not someone you met online anyway.  On the other hand if any feel the need to send money I can provide an address, LOL.


IFortuna said:


> catfish perpetrator


Too bad the word catfish and catfishing are used for this.  I have always liked catfish and catfishing, the original kind anyway.


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## MickaC (Jan 9, 2022)

feywon said:


> Not just 'dating' sites, Facebook, niche social sites and out here in physical world.
> 
> You don't have to be rich to be a target--if you own your home and have a monthly SSA or other retirement check some people will still try to ingratiate themselves.
> 
> Trust, but verify. Not only is asking for $$ a red flag--but if they start talking about being in love with you early on be cautious.  There is a personality type that is not after anything material--they come on strong from beginning--but once you commit to a relationship with them they will start nitpicking about everything you say and do--even if it's how you've talked and acted from the start.  For some it's an emotional issue--trying to reassure themselves they're 'loveable' by getting others to care deeply about them---for some it is just the 'challenge'.


True to the core.


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## MickaC (Jan 9, 2022)

Alligatorob said:


> Interesting thread.
> 
> Unfortunate this happens, but like others have said asking for $ should be red flag.  No idea why anyone would have a legit reason to do that, not someone you met online anyway.  On the other hand if any feel the need to send money I can provide an address, LOL.
> 
> Too bad the word catfish and catfishing are used for this.  I have always liked catfish and catfishing, the original kind anyway.


So.... your address would be.......


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## Lawrence00 (Jan 9, 2022)

Do the above advice. Check if the person is real. Safety first. I happen to have had too much optimism, when on dating sites, and after even a first one or two in person meetings.


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## Packerjohn (Jan 9, 2022)

Murrmurr said:


> And so, Try, try again.
> 
> I was single for decades after my only divorce, and dated a LOT; was in several relationships, none worked out. I finally just gave up on an actual relationship about 10 or 12 years ago.
> 
> And then, _bam!_ One fine afternoon a neighbor named Michelle swatted me on the my behind while I was getting my mail, and several months later, we got married. Our 1st anniversary is coming up this summer.


Nice story..... Never give up on love.  You never know what will come "around the corner".


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## MickaC (Jan 12, 2022)

My post # 35......pr
I mentioned sending a message to this person of question....pertaining to " catfishing "
GUESS WHAT.
I haven't heard from him.....and he has deactivated his account / profile from the site.

I haven't really been in the dark about this catfish behaviour.......am a big fan of the Dr. Phil program.....where i have watched content of this.
This does happen in real life.

I've gone through some older messages, that i have never responded to, because of sounding questionable.....they were 3 of  the same MO.

Thanks again for all your input and thoughts.

Might start a new hobby.......CATFISH PATROL.


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## caroln (Jan 12, 2022)

Bet you're glad you tested him!  You avoided becoming another "notch" in his scamming belt!


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## Giantsfan1954 (Jan 12, 2022)

My experience, before I gave up was you can generally tell by their correspondence.
Their grammar, diction and punctuation are pretty much elementary school level.
Even Dr. Phil, who is loathsome,frequently points this out to his “ catfish” victims!
Doesn’t hurt to remember that even prison “guests” have access to the internet.
Stay safe!


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## JustBonee (Jan 12, 2022)

Giantsfan1954 said:


> My experience, before I gave up was you can generally tell by their correspondence.
> Their grammar, diction and punctuation are pretty much elementary school level.
> *Even Dr. Phil, who is loathsome*,frequently points this out to his “ catfish” victims!
> Doesn’t hurt to remember that even prison “guests” have access to the internet.
> Stay safe!




My very first thought  goes to these victims  on Dr. Phil's  show.   
....  the stories all seem to follow the same old pattern  --  they are  in a foreign location,  very successful and RICH,
but somehow can't get to their own  money  .... so many convoluted  stories! 

And of course they saw your picture,  and they are in  love.


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## caroln (Jan 12, 2022)

Bonnie said:


> My very first thought  goes to these victims  on Dr. Phil's  show.
> ....  the stories all seem to follow the same old pattern  --  they are  in a foreign location,  very successful and RICH,
> but somehow can't get to their money.


Yeah, guess they never heard of ATMs, or wire transfers, or getting a cash withdrawal on their credit card.  Much easier to get money from a lonely widow/widower.    I feel so sorry for the victims of these unscrupulous people. I know some people will say they should know better, but a lot of older people are just out of touch with what's going on in the world today.


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## Jeni (Jan 12, 2022)

There is no one size fits all in this .. you really do not know whom you are chatting with....

No clear signs but you must watch the whole thing ...it is a big picture sort of thing.... stories that change or they cant remember what they said before etc.
Huge red flags ... some are foreign and grammar is an issue... or some odd story about money

The questions people need to ask are   Is it too good to be true?  and   Why do i want to believe this? 

unfortunately some people are lonely or wanting very hard to believe a communication that goes so well is real. 
I used to think HOW could people fall for this but some are skilled in seeing a trusting person and zeroing in


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## StarSong (Jan 12, 2022)

If I in your shoes the first question I'd ask myself is why is he interested in_ me_? An ortho doctor who works for the UN and travels the world has so much difficulty finding a relationship that he's interested in a non-professional he never met who lives in the middle of Canada?

Doesn't pass the smell test... 

Internet dating sites and Facebook are loaded with opportunists who have no conscience. If you continue to play with fire, @MickaC, chances are you will eventually get burned. 

Some catfishers are incredibly slick. Remember, they're endlessly honing their skills and learn just how to hook their prey. 
Scamming people is how they "earn" their living.


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## MickaC (Jan 12, 2022)

StarSong said:


> indIf I in your shoes the first question I'd ask myself is why is he interested in_ me_? An ortho doctor who works for the UN and travels the world has so much difficulty finding a relationship that he's interested in a non-professional he never met who lives in the middle of Canada?
> 
> Doesn't pass the smell test...
> 
> ...


True in everything you said.
I am 200% careful and cautious.....if it sounds too good to be true......it is.
I do find these sites very amusing a good part of the time....the length men and women will fabricate to amuse themselves at someone else's feelings.
95% percent of members, profiles, photos are fake....doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out.
I do take part in a couple of chatting sites.
I have 4 emails, 3 of which are in no way of connecting to anything personal, financial, or 0% to me.

I've never paid money to these sites, if you have to to get response, they are CRAP !!!!!

Playing with fire......had a weak moment.....gone.


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## MickaC (Jan 12, 2022)

When i think about it.......CATFISHING......happens in our own backdoor as well.


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## funsearcher! (Jan 12, 2022)

Sounds similar to what a girlfriend was telling me about her beau from the internet. Sounds like a scam artist to me.


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## StarSong (Jan 12, 2022)

MickaC said:


> When i think about it.......CATFISHING......happens in our own backdoor as well.


True, but it's harder to fool someone in your own community.  So many possibilities that you'll have friends or acquaintances in common, plus you get to see the person in real life, including where the person lives and works, and how he/she behaves when not hiding behind a screen or telephone.  Your family and friends also press you to introduce them to Mr. Wonderful.  

Not saying internet dating is a bad thing - I know several now-married couples who've met that way (including one of my sons). But they all lived within a few miles of each other. They met on the dating site, texted for a while, then moved to phone calls and within a few weeks they met in person at a public place. 

They introduced each other to friends and families within the same amount of time as couples who first meet in person. I met my son's (now) wife within a couple of months of when he met her. Ditto her parents with him. 

All of these couples were of similar ages to one another, similar educational, financial, earning and professional status, and similar family backgrounds.


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## Gaer (Jan 12, 2022)

MickaC said:


> My post # 35......pr
> I mentioned sending a message to this person of question....pertaining to " catfishing "
> GUESS WHAT.
> I haven't heard from him.....and he has deactivated his account / profile from the site.
> ...


Oh NO!!!!  I'm so sorry!
I guess it's best you found out before you REALLY got into the relationship!
You are coming out of this STRONGER!  and with your bank account intact!
Still, I was so happy for you.  
A lovely lady as yourself will find him, and he will love you, and he will take all your 
broken pieces and glue them all together again!    Blessings to you.


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## Gaer (Jan 12, 2022)

About catfishing:  There is a friend of mine here in town WHO WAS MARRIED but fooling around on dating sites because she was bored with her husband.
(Yeah, I know)
Anyway, She met and went out with many men.  Then she found THE ONE on line.  They had a hot passionate affair on line.
He said he was "stuck in England" and needed $500 to pay someone he owed money before he could leave for the states.
She sent it.  A few months later of hot romance, he said he had to pay a friend $1200 for some equipment in England. 
 Could he borrow it?  he will ABSOLUTELY  pay her back in two weeks because he has money coming in and then 
they can be together!  She sent it.
He called her and told her he finally had all the money to pay her back.  How can he send it so her husband doesn't find out?
Of course!  He asked for her bank account number and he will wire it in direct deposit.  She gave it.
Next afternoon, she went to the bank to see if it was deposited.
Her bank account was wiped out.  Her husband's business account was emptied.  Their mutual account was emptied!
Her husband divorced her right away.  She moved in with her sister and is bankrupt.  and heartbroken.


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## win231 (Jan 12, 2022)

Gaer said:


> About catfishing:  There is a friend of mine here in town WHO WAS MARRIED but fooling around on dating sites because she was bored with her husband.
> (Yeah, I know)
> Anyway, She met and went out with many men.  Then she found THE ONE on line.  They had a hot passionate affair on line.
> He said he was "stuck in England" and needed $500 to pay someone he owed money before he could leave for the states.
> ...


You don't choose friends well - in common sense or decency.
But.....I'm sure you've heard that before.  Maybe you should start listening.


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## Gaer (Jan 12, 2022)

win231 said:


> You don't choose friends well - in common sense or decency.
> But.....I'm sure you've heard that before.  Maybe you should start listening.


I am asking you polightly.  Please do not respond to anything I ever write.  Thank you.


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## win231 (Jan 12, 2022)

Gaer said:


> I am asking you polightly.  Please do not respond to anything I ever write.  Thank you.


I am responding politely.  If you don't care for my posts, please put me on _"Ignore; that's what it's.......for."_
It's a free country, so I'll post whenever I want.  Thank you.


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## John cycling (Jan 12, 2022)

Gaer said:


> He asked for her bank account number and he will wire it in direct deposit.  She gave it.
> Next afternoon, she went to the bank to see if it was deposited.
> Her bank account was wiped out.  Her husband's business account was emptied.  Their mutual account was emptied!



How can someone not on the account wipe out someone else's bank account, just by knowing the number???
It seems to me that the bank would be responsible when and if something like that happened.


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## Tish (Jan 12, 2022)

@MickaC First let me say there is nothing at all wrong with you.
There is not much more I can add to all the good advice given here.
I have one question, well two really, Have you spoken to him via phone? Does he have an accent?
Do some of his text messages have common errors in them or the way he asks things?
I wish you all the happiness in the world.


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## Tabby Ann (Jan 12, 2022)

It' s hard to believe older women are still being catfished after all the education about it.
Here are some of the characteristics of a catfish. 

CHARACTERISTICS OF A CATFISH:

1. They are always working temporarily in a foreign country.

2. They are using someone else’s photo.

3. They use poor or unconventional English.

4. They fall madly in love with you very quickly.

5. They get stuck in the foreign country for a variety of reasons.

6. They want you to send them money to get home to you.

7. They promise to pay you back with dividends.

8. Once they bleed you dry you never hear from them again.


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## Ruthanne (Jan 12, 2022)

Exactly what does 'catfishing' mean when pertaining to dating sites?  I've come across a lot of questionable behavior there but not that particular word.


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## FastTrax (Jan 12, 2022)

MickaC said:


> Once again, taken by surprise.
> Someone knocking on the door to my heart.
> Is this really supposed to happen in real life.
> I guess i've stepped up a bit.......
> ...



Whooooooooops I should have read the whole thread. Sorry for my Faux Pas.


----------



## FastTrax (Jan 12, 2022)

Anyway from personal experience with the single picture issue. Ask for more pictures or ask your possible future significant other to send you a picture saying your name or something they would deem insignificant. There are many sites on the internet paid and free where you can confirm their phone number and IP header address. However for the most part if you feel that 2+2 doesn't add up to 4 just follow your gut and move on.


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## IFortuna (Jan 13, 2022)

MickaC said:


> My post # 35......pr
> I mentioned sending a message to this person of question....pertaining to " catfishing "
> GUESS WHAT.
> I haven't heard from him.....and he has deactivated his account / profile from the site.
> ...


Sorry, beat you to it.  I have been on catfish patrol at my site.  I did find a few that were genuine though.  I put in my profile that if I catch a catfish i will report them and make certain they are removed.  I have caught several in the short time i have been there.  If you report on my site, they investigates and carry on with the appropriate measures without the person ever knowing who turned them in.  Others just decide not to pursue.  I am sorry your person did not work out, but I am glad you discovered it sooner than later.  Good for* you* for having the *courage *to put the feet to the fire as I call it. Don't give up, just be cautious. It hurts but not for long because you know how to protect yourself now.


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## ohioboy (Jan 13, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Exactly what does 'catfishing' mean when pertaining to dating sites?  I've come across a lot of questionable behavior there but not that particular word.


Woman=Feline=Cat as in Catwoman, fishing is luring in a catch with bait, only here, no water. It may be more a term concerning online but it is the same in person, looking for a "Catfish", or woman, to take your bait.


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## Ruthanne (Jan 13, 2022)

ohioboy said:


> Woman=Feline=Cat as in Catwoman, fishing is luring in a catch with bait, only here, no water. It may be more a term concerning online but it is the same in person, looking for a "Catfish", or woman, to take your bait.


I see, thank you.  I think I've come across a lot of that online.  Another term for it I believe is Romance Scam.  I was almost sucked into that once.  Now I know what to look for but also fear I've become paranoid as a result.  I hardly trust any romantic gestures online.


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## ohioboy (Jan 13, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> I see, thank you.  I think I've come across a lot of that online.  Another term for it I believe is Romance Scam.  I was almost sucked into that once.  Now I know what to look for but also fear I've become paranoid as a result.  I hardly trust any romantic gestures online.


That's another connotation to reference fish "Sucker".


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## Ruthanne (Jan 13, 2022)

ohioboy said:


> That's another connotation to reference fish "Sucker".


It's sad these things happen.  I guess there are ways to see if someone is genuine.


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## RFW (Jan 13, 2022)

John cycling said:


> How can someone not on the account wipe out someone else's bank account, just by knowing the number???
> It seems to me that the bank would be responsible when and if something like that happened.


I'm wondering about that myself. Either the reason behind all the money being stolen was complete bull and she was the one who gave it all to him or the scammer knew so much about her that he was able to impersonate her and gain access to her account through social engineering.


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## IFortuna (Jan 13, 2022)

Kaila said:


> Do you mean at a dating site?


Yes, from a dating site that I have been on.  I have been on  google chat with him for about a week.  He came up clean when I scanned him at Social Catfish.  You never know though.  We still were chatting until he asked me to open an investment account for "us".  HAHAHAHA
This can be fun depending on how you look at it.  I love saying "No!"


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## jerry old (Jan 13, 2022)

what exactly is catfish-trolling?


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## Trish (Jan 13, 2022)

IFortuna said:


> Yes, from a dating site that I have been on.  I have been on  google chat with him for about a week.  He came up clean when I scanned him at Social Catfish.  You never know though.  We still were chatting until he asked me to open an investment account for "us".  HAHAHAHA
> This can be fun depending on how you look at it.  I love saying "No!"



With any interaction online you have to be wary, not just dating sites.  I would have been tempted to suggest he contact my financial advisor at FreeMoney@NotBornYesterday.com.  (Obviously that's not a real email address ).


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## ohioboy (Jan 13, 2022)

Ruthanne conned me out of $1.50.


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## Flarbalard (Jan 13, 2022)

Aunt Bea said:


> Congratulations, but please be careful!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I resemble this pic and therefore, I'm pinching it for my own.  Thank you.


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## IFortuna (Jan 13, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Exactly what does 'catfishing' mean when pertaining to dating sites?  I've come across a lot of questionable behavior there but not that particular word.


They try to romance you out of your money.  But if you want you can turn the tables on them and romance them to keep them hanging on thinking they will get you to give in.  Just keep saying "NO" and protect your info an you should be fine  But, when they start asking for financial info they are catfish! Don't give them anything. They will try to guilt you and beg you, etc.  I think it gets really funny if you don't take the relationship seriously.  One guy wanted me to pay nearly $5000 to get his personal luggage back here!  He posed as a doc without borders in Syria.  Watch out for the overseas mashers.


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## Ruthanne (Jan 13, 2022)

IFortuna said:


> They try to romance you out of your money.  But if you want you can turn the tables on them and romance them to keep them hanging on thinking they will get you to give in.  Just keep saying "NO" and protect your info an you should be fine  But, when they start asking for financial info they are catfish! Don't give them anything. They will try to guilt you and beg you, etc.  I think it gets really funny if you don't take the relationship seriously.  One guy wanted me to pay nearly $5000 to get his personal luggage back here!  He posed as a doc without borders in Syria.  Watch out for the overseas mashers.


Thanks for that.  I've run across those types and have gotten rid of them.


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## IFortuna (Jan 13, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Thanks for that.  I've run across those types and have gotten rid of them.


You are one smart lady!


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## ohioboy (Jan 13, 2022)

IFortuna said:


> You are one smart lady!


She still has my $1.50.


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## FastTrax (Jan 13, 2022)

jerry old said:


> what exactly is catfish-trolling?



Yeah right!!!!!


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## StarSong (Jan 13, 2022)

IFortuna said:


> Yes, from a dating site that I have been on.  I have been on  google chat with him for about a week.  He came up clean when I scanned him at Social Catfish.  You never know though.  We still were chatting until he asked me to open an investment account for "us".  HAHAHAHA
> This can be fun depending on how you look at it.  I love saying "No!"


Be careful.  More than one person has been badly burned while intentionally playing with fire for entertainment purposes.    

It's folly to underestimate dangerous situations - or those who will perpetrate it. Don't imagine you're safe merely because you're communicating from inside your own four walls.


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## ohioboy (Jan 13, 2022)

StarSong said:


> Don't imagine you're safe merely because you're communicating from inside your own four walls.


And sometimes 4 walls do a prison make, to twist a phrase!


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## StarSong (Jan 13, 2022)

Gaer said:


> About catfishing:  There is a friend of mine here in town WHO WAS MARRIED but fooling around on dating sites because she was bored with her husband.
> (Yeah, I know)
> Anyway, She met and went out with many men.  Then she found THE ONE on line.  They had a hot passionate affair on line.
> He said he was "stuck in England" and needed $500 to pay someone he owed money before he could leave for the states.
> ...


What a terrible situation for your friend and her husband.  My father-in-law was scammed out of at least $10K by a Jamaican theft ring who chatted up this lonely, kind, trusting widower.  

The perpetrator(s) were absolutely relentless and without conscience. Thank heavens FIL's part-time caregiver realized something bad was happening and tipped my husband off. It got ugly - they even sent people to his house to try to take him to his bank. 

God only knows how that might have gone down had the CG not been there and paying attention.


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## Packerjohn (Jan 13, 2022)

I have always said that regardless of the fact that everyone is starring at their smartphones all day of using the computer, you still can't beat the good ole' dating system.  It takes time to get to know someone.  You can't do this using some sort of dating app.  Go for a walk, take them to a restaurant, meet the inlaws and outlaws, meet the kids if there are any, watch them to see how they react to problems,  have a glass or 2 of wine, help them to shop for groceries.  Do whatever it takes but invest time with your partner.  The "Everybody wants it NOW!" system doesn't work if you want a lasting and meaningful relationship.


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## IFortuna (Jan 13, 2022)

StarSong said:


> Be careful.  More than one person has been badly burned while intentionally playing with fire for entertainment purposes.
> 
> It's folly to underestimate dangerous situations - or those who will perpetrate it. Don't imagine you're safe merely because you're communicating from inside your own four walls.


Believe me, I am careful all the way through to my internet.  Yours is good advice.  We are all adults here though, I think, and we will all make mistakes and that is life.  Wherever, we go we can put ourselves at risk. I don't play games, I ferret out the game players and report them.  Their arrogance and hubris I find amusing especially when they are caught.  I won't be a prisoner or held hostage by the bad actions of others in any sense no matter how much time I have left in life.  I have a business card or introduction card, if you will, where my motto reads "_AUDENTES FORTUNA JUVAT_ ", Fortune Favors the Bold. There I have tempted Fate and I leave it in God's hands.


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## Tabby Ann (Jan 13, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Exactly what does 'catfishing' mean when pertaining to dating sites? I've come across a lot of questionable behavior there but not that particular word.


According to Google, the definition of Catfishing is luring a person into a relationship by means of a fictional on-line persona. I first encountered the term on the Dr. Phil show during a week of programs on widows who had sent their entire inheritance to Internet lovers they had never met in person. Some of these women had sent hundreds of thousands of dollars which could not be recovered after the Catfish disappeared.


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## Alligatorob (Jan 13, 2022)

Tabby Ann said:


> According to Google, the definition of Catfishing is luring a person into a relationship by means of a fictional on-line persona. I first encountered the term on the Dr. Phil show during a week of programs on widows who had sent their entire inheritance to Internet lovers they had never met in person. Some of these women had sent hundreds of thousands of dollars which could not be recovered after the Catfish disappeared


Sad that this exists... I do understand the desperate feeling of not having a relationship and wanting one.  I know people are venerable at these times.  Just hope getting the word out and good legal action can control this...


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## StarSong (Jan 14, 2022)

Addendum to my post yesterday regarding my father-in-law.  For anyone interested, I detailed our experience in greater depth here:
https://www.seniorforums.com/threads/new-scam.61500/#post-1865619
post #24


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## Packerjohn (Jan 14, 2022)

IFortuna said:


> Just happened to me again from someone I met at the site   He just this evening asked me for $500 !  Me laughing hysterically!


$500!  What a creep!  A man of no honour, that's for sure!


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## Packerjohn (Jan 14, 2022)

Gaer said:


> About catfishing:  There is a friend of mine here in town WHO WAS MARRIED but fooling around on dating sites because she was bored with her husband.
> (Yeah, I know)
> Anyway, She met and went out with many men.  Then she found THE ONE on line.  They had a hot passionate affair on line.
> He said he was "stuck in England" and needed $500 to pay someone he owed money before he could leave for the states.
> ...


I know everyone feels sorry for this woman but I don't.  Come on, there is no limit to being stupid and she proves it.  There are all sort of books and internet information on the dangers of internet dating.  No excuse for not being educated.  This woman reminds me of a cow standing by a fence and reaching over to eat the grass on the other side of the fence; imagining of course, that the grass on the other side is more green and more tasty!  Can't blame the husband for divorcing her.  I feel sorry for this husband but not for her.  Perhaps the husband could of read a book or two on being a more attentive husband.


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## JustBonee (Jan 14, 2022)




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## Devi (Jan 14, 2022)

Yes, this is some sick stuff right there. Crooks.


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## win231 (Jan 14, 2022)

Packerjohn said:


> I know everyone feels sorry for this woman but I don't.  Come on, there is no limit to being stupid and she proves it.  There are all sort of books and internet information on the dangers of internet dating.  No excuse for not being educated.  This woman reminds me of a cow standing by a fence and reaching over to eat the grass on the other side of the fence; imagining of course, that the grass on the other side is more green and more tasty!  Can't blame the husband for divorcing her.  I feel sorry for this husband but not for her.  Perhaps the husband could of read a book or two on being a more attentive husband.


It's quite common for women to make excuses for other stupid women.
Much like the other thread about the woman who dumped her newborn baby in a trash can & other women make asinine excuses for them like:  _"Well, she didn't know she was pregnant.....she was scared......she was confused.......she didn't know what to do.......her boyfriend left her........it's all his fault."_


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## IFortuna (Jan 14, 2022)

Packerjohn said:


> $500!  What a creep!  A man of no honour, that's for sure!


Also, wanted me to open an investment account so he could deposit his retirement, etc. BS.  He did not stop asking although I told him "No," many times.  Cut this one loose.  This was after we had talked for a couple weeks and I was just waiting for him to ask.  Didn't take long.
I think it is a waiting game.  Just wait given enough time the truth will come out; it always does.  They don't want to "waste" a lot of time so they can go on to the next one.


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## IFortuna (Jan 14, 2022)

Bonnie said:


>


One of mine wanted to talk on the phone.  We did and he continued to ask for something.  The hubris.


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## Jeni (Jan 14, 2022)

I will never understand anyone willing to give/ "loan" money to someone they really do not know ..... 

Think this happens to both sexes
 and the chances of falling for it depends a lot on your life perspective .....
If a person is one of those "it will never happen to me" types or people are generally good etc they fall for it.  
If you are always cautious most avoid this but some may wonder if they are missing a chance it is a REAL person and the real deal. 

it is no reflection on the victim ....many people have answered calls/ clicked on bad links/ bought some sob story .... think Men are just quiet about it ... women share their mistake to alert others


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## win231 (Jan 14, 2022)

Jeni said:


> I will never understand anyone willing to give/ "loan" money to someone they really do not know .....
> 
> Think this happens to both sexes
> and the chances of falling for it depends a lot on your life perspective .....
> ...


Sometimes, when someone is desperate for romance, they will do almost anything & fall for almost anything.  Probably low self esteem is also a factor.  I've heard it said that _Love is like an hourglass; the heart fills up while the brain empties. _


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## IFortuna (Jan 14, 2022)

Jeni said:


> I will never understand anyone willing to give/ "loan" money to someone they really do not know .....
> 
> Think this happens to both sexes
> and the chances of falling for it depends a lot on your life perspective .....
> ...


These crooks are pros make no mistake.  It happens all the time.  They can spin a good story and even pose as a friend or relative.  They will try to get you to go to Walmart or other place to get a debit card to send them.  This also happened to me.  When that didn't work he tried all the other stuff I mentioned previously.  They always have a sob story.  There are agencies for these crooks to go to and churches often have food banks as well.  And, don't they have any relatives somewhere that may be able to help.  They catch people off guard and sting them. They will persistently deny any lies or accusations. They try to wear you down.  Despicable desperate people.


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## Jeni (Jan 14, 2022)

IFortuna said:


> These crooks are pros make no mistake.  It happens all the time.  They can spin a good story and even pose as a friend or relative.  They will try to get you to go to Walmart or other place to get a debit card to send them.  This also happened to me.  When that didn't work he tried all the other stuff I mentioned previously.  They always have a sob story.  There are agencies for these crooks to go to and churches often have food banks as well.  And, don't they have any relatives somewhere that may be able to help.  They catch people off guard and sting them. They will persistently deny any lies or accusations. They try to wear you down.  Despicable desperate people.


I have seen these scams in action ..... I know no matter how apparent ..i  personally find them .. 
that YES people fall for it time and time again.  
that is why the same ploys used over and over someone is falling for it.  

I just would have cut contact the very minute money is asked for.... period.  
No lets rephrase it or change the story to wear you down.  

Most  Cons are not desperate quite the opposite......... but more like they KNOW seeming desperate  is what works and if you get someone else to pay for stuff it is often less time or effort then actually working...... 

In my area they have even found more then a few people ........with good cars/ houses.....................
 dressing down and picking up a cardboard sign at an intersection etc.... 
as one person exposed said "people feel guilty....... thinking i fell on hard times and i *make* more money in a few hours then i would an 8 hour shift at whatever job they previously had.


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## Rah-Rah (Jan 15, 2022)

I totally believe in love and I do believe it can happen on these dating sites. I also believe these dating sites there are many risks you take with frauds and people trying to take advantage of you and that being said you must be extremely careful. Thank God I married my high school sweetheart and never had to go through any of this. I would have just stayed single.


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## Jules (Jan 15, 2022)

Jeni said:


> think Men are just quiet about it ... women share their mistake to alert others


Totally agree.


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## Sylkkiss (Jan 16, 2022)

I know it's possible for people to find love online. Both my daughter's did. One has been married 12 years the other 2. Love the guys they  married. Two sweet fellows.
I've tried three sites and chickened out each time removing my profile. I don't have the patience to or guts to do it... Just... not for me. LOL


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## mellowyellow (Jan 16, 2022)

Just reading the OP but not the rest of the comments, bells would be ringing loudly when he says "he works for the UN".  That sounds very suspicious and unlikely to me, a bit like saying he's an undercover FBI agent.


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## palides2021 (Jan 16, 2022)

IFortuna said:


> Also, wanted me to open an investment account so he could deposit his retirement, etc. BS.  He did not stop asking although I told him "No," many times.  Cut this one loose.  This was after we had talked for a couple weeks and I was just waiting for him to ask.  Didn't take long.
> I think it is a waiting game.  Just wait given enough time the truth will come out; it always does.  They don't want to "waste" a lot of time so they can go on to the next one.


I think another good way to have them fess up or disappear is to ask them to meet with you in person. Of course, if they're in another country, they won't be able to. I also think it would be prudent to avoid men that are out of the country. Less heartaches. Just my two bits.


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## Shero (Jan 16, 2022)

Micka....do not worry -  love will always find a way. Sometimes, you have to put it out of your mind and let it happen and it will.
In the meantime, be like a girl scout, always be ready. 
By that I mean, keep positive, look after yourself, do nice things for you and bang, one day, when you least epect it!


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## IFortuna (Jan 16, 2022)

palides2021 said:


> I think another good way to have them fess up or disappear is to ask them to meet with you in person. Of course, if they're in another country, they won't be able to. I also think it would be prudent to avoid men that are out of the country. Less heartaches. Just my two bits.


In my opinion, it is the unattainable whether near or far that is the cause of heartache.


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## palides2021 (Jan 16, 2022)

IFortuna said:


> In my opinion, it is the unattainable whether near or far that is the cause of heartache.


Very well said!


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## fmdog44 (Jan 16, 2022)

With age there should be wisdom not far behind.


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## Autumn72 (Jan 16, 2022)

win231 said:


> Sometimes, when someone is desperate for romance, they will do almost anything & fall for almost anything.  Probably low self esteem is also a factor.  I've heard it said that _Love is like an hourglass; the heart fills up while the brain empties. _


As in men do, there is two heads and one is always in control ..as mentioned, one fills up as the other empties........ another means of not knowing why it all happens.
Reminds me of a similar issue, a man by picture as I was online popped up as in a Facebook people you may know. 
This man was not a handsome gent though looking for a partner that was in Nebraska, who had lost his wife and only child in a care accident. When I asked for where he worked, he said a oil rig yet was the boss temporarily assigned and sent a pic.
When I asked him if he was retired  he said yes for he looked by pic too old for that kind of job. 
It was a week or so, and I asked for pics of him at his home he never sent any. I felt he might be a senior citizen living with am unknowing wife or even on a nursing home wanting to escape yet needed money to catch a train etc. Silly U know yet he was calling me sweetheart. And endearing sweet coos from his   stand. I just felt so annoyed, that I asked him to give me his phone number so i could call him he never responded.
However, the name he used is still on my message app. The pictur disappeared yet the name still is lifted behind a name spelt as from another country I can't seem to delete any of these that has setup on my message board what is this all about........


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## Vida May (Jan 16, 2022)

Paco Dennis said:


> Nothing is wrong with you. Personal relationships can be quite involved, and can often times feel like a roller coaster.  ...i don't know , but maybe just take it slow, and enjoy his company . Maybe he will be a good friend.


I have been reading a book that says it is very important to be hard to get and to avoid being too pleasing.


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## mellowyellow (Jan 16, 2022)

I wish there was a website that would organize getting singles to meet in person, only those looking for love need apply.  Wishful thinking I suppose but there are so many single people out there longing for someone to grow old with, they just need to meet up somehow.  So much catfishing going on.


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## Blessed (May 16, 2022)

This discussion depresses me. Yes, we are of a certain age, there are people that would in a heartbeat take advantage.  For me. this kind of thing would not happen.  I don't trust a lot of people I have known all my life. My husband and I worked very hard to build a good life, I have no intention to date, let alone marry again. Yes, I miss my husband but know he can't be replaced. The important thing now is just socializing.  That can be done at the senior center, the library and being active in community based programs. I don't need someone to take care of me, I can do that. Don't spend time on the internet looking for a love match.  Just get out there and meet real people. You  might meet someone or not.  At least you can make some new friends and contribute to your community.


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## Devi (May 16, 2022)

Blessed said:


> Yes, I miss my husband but know he can't be replaced.


That's how it would be for me. I hope you can get the socializing and activities you wish for.


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## Blessed (May 16, 2022)

Devi said:


> That's how it would be for me. I hope you can get the socializing and activities you wish for.


Yes, I have been lucky.  There are plenty of good people to meet and many things to do if you just look.


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## hollydolly (May 16, 2022)

Blessed said:


> This discussion depresses me. Yes, we are of a certain age, there are people that would in a heartbeat take advantage.  For me. this kind of thing would not happen.  I don't trust a lot of people I have known all my life. My husband and I worked very hard to build a good life, I have no intention to date, let alone marry again. Yes, I miss my husband but know he can't be replaced. The important thing now is just socializing.  That can be done at the senior center, the library and being active in community based programs. I don't need someone to take care of me, I can do that. Don't spend time on the internet looking for a love match.  Just get out there and meet real people. You  might meet someone or not.  At least you can make some new friends and contribute to your community.


you're presuming that everyone has somewhere that they can meet people. Not everyone..has access to a Community centre or social meeting place.. . For example I live in a rural area, where there's  nothing at all except one pub.. which is now given  over to a gastro pub, not like the old days when people could go and mix with others, and have a laugh and a game of Darts or Bar Billiards, or even a sing-song..

There's nothing here.. and for me to go into the city (London  40 mile round trip )  at night  alone would be an absolute no -no...


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## CrowFlies (May 16, 2022)

fuzzybuddy said:


> MickaC,
> He's an ortho doctor......works for the UN......practices in overseas countries.
> He's presently in Yaman, Germany......returns back to his home in Ontario, Canada, this month.
> Have been communicating for the last two weeks.
> ...


i agree!!  this refrain of being professional and working over seas and dating on websites...sounds like BS to me.

if hes so well professed why does he need to date online?  surely he Meets Women All the Time and yet
hes promising things to someone...online.

be very careful.  hes got you very high on him which is also part of the game.
do i repeat the refrain of others: DONT SEND HIM MONEY. or any personal info.


----------



## JonSR77 (May 16, 2022)

Online Dating and Dating App Safety Tips

from RAINN

The *Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network* (*RAINN*) is an American nonprofit anti-****** assault organization, the largest in the United States. RAINN operates the National ****** Assault Hotline, as well as the Department of Defense (DoD) Safe Helpline, and carries out programs to prevent ****** assault, help survivors, and ensure that perpetrators are brought to justice through victim services, public education, public policy, and consulting services.​

https://www.rainn.org/articles/online-dating-and-dating-app-safety-tips


----------



## JonSR77 (May 16, 2022)

from AARP


Dating Safety in Age of Technology​Ready to start looking for love online? Keep your eyes wide open​by Laura Petrecca, AARP, March 22, 2019

https://www.aarp.org/home-family/dating/info-2019/online-dating-safety.html


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## Blessed (May 16, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> you're presuming that everyone has somewhere that they can meet people. Not everyone..has access to a Community centre or social meeting place.. . For example I live in a rural area, where there's  nothing at all except one pub.. which is now given  over to a gastro pub, not like the old days when people could go and mix with others, and have a laugh and a game of Darts or Bar Billiards, or even a sing-song..
> 
> There's nothing here.. and for me to go into the city (London  40 mile round trip )  at night  alone would be an absolute no -no...


I am sorry that you are not closer to the city. Everyone would like to have a place to pop in for a coffee or a beer. You have access to things I don't.  Peaceful surroundings, beautiful nature, We all have blessings and drawbacks to our lives. I would go and meet you for a drink, have some good conversation, play some games or do some trivia.  Ah the old days, trust me. I miss them too. We had a neighborhood donut shop. Ther were 8 to ten gentlemen that met there every morning.  I would take my son on the weekend because it was set up so you could see the kitchen and watch them make the donuts.  The place closed years ago, I miss going there just to listen to their conversation.


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## CrowFlies (May 16, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> you're presuming that everyone has somewhere that they can meet people. Not everyone..has access to a Community centre or social meeting place.. . For example I live in a rural area, where there's  nothing at all except one pub.. which is now given  over to a gastro pub, not like the old days when people could go and mix with others, and have a laugh and a game of Darts or Bar Billiards, or even a sing-song..
> 
> There's nothing here.. and for me to go into the city (London  40 mile round trip )  at night  alone would be an absolute no -no...


i can relate to this.  
id like some friends but not that into "dating" at this point. prolly never again.  men i meet arent that into it
either, theyve all lost or never had and gotten this far and dont care much either.
i think..many like, or prefer, having friends.

i guess thats what nursing homes are also about....but i dont want any part of them.


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## CrowFlies (May 16, 2022)

Blessed said:


> I am sorry that you are not closer to the city. Everyone would like to have a place to pop in for a coffee or a beer. You have access to things I don't.  Peaceful surroundings, beautiful nature, We all have blessings and drawbacks to our lives. I would go and meet you for a drink, have some good conversation, play some games or do some trivia.  Ah the old days, trust me. I miss them too. We had a neighborhood donut shop. Ther were 8 to ten gentlemen that met there every morning.  I would take my son on the weekend because it was set up so you could see the kitchen and watch them make the donuts.  The place closed years ago, I miss going there just to listen to their conversation.


yah i can relate.  living rural every town had its own saloon.  youd hit the PO then the lil store and then the saloon
to visit with the other ranchers doing the same runs.
those days are gone.  the housing crash destroyed all the small rural towns as tho a bomb went off, 
everyone was suddenly...gone.
saloons closed stores closed...that life all just went away.  rural merica got looted by hedge funds.


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## Leann (May 16, 2022)

I met my S/O over a year ago on the internet. I live in a rural area where there aren't any opportunities to meet someone. He lives 30 minutes away. I researched him thoroughly and told him I did. He had no problems with it. The company he works for requires a criminal background check every few years. He gave me a copy of the findings (there were none). We have never and have no plans to combine finances. There won't be a wedding, either. We both agreed to that very early on. My divorce damn near gutted me financially and I'm too old and perhaps too untrusting to get married again. 

So, while I have every reason to believe he's "one of the good guys", I haven't let my guard down completely.


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## Jules (May 16, 2022)

@Leann  I don’t recall what you answered in the thread about Common Sense.  You have it, 100%.


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## J-Kat (May 16, 2022)

Be very careful.  I saw a television program about online dating sites and how there are groups of scammers who troll those sites looking for lonely people.  They all seem to follow the same script - doctor working overseas, under contract to UN, etc., has fallen in love with you but can't come home for months UNLESS they buy out their contract but no money to do that, and, by the way, if you could loan me the money I would come running into your arms!  Stay away, far, far away.


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## MickaC (May 16, 2022)

CrowFlies said:


> i agree!!  this refrain of being professional and working over seas and dating on websites...sounds like BS to me.
> 
> if hes so well professed why does he need to date online?  surely he Meets Women All the Time and yet
> hes promising things to someone...online.
> ...


I've come across quite a few of these.....back in winter.....lots of messages on their part.....was quite entertaining.....then they just got stupid.
Found myself a better hobby.


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## Packerjohn (May 16, 2022)

Gaer said:


> It's never a mistake to love someone. Trust me on this.
> I'm so happy for you!
> Give him all the love you've got!  This is wonderful!
> 
> You will never lose the capacity for deep love you have filed away in your heart!


So true, Gaer.  I should know, I live in a 55 plus apartment complex and the place is full of "little ole' ladies."  A few still have husbands but the vast majority live in some sort of ivory tower alone.  I  hope they are happy?  I think it is a sad reflection of our society to end up alone in your senior years.


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## Jules (May 16, 2022)

Packerjohn said:


> So true, Gaer.  I should know, I live in a 55 plus apartment complex and the place is full of "little ole' ladies."  A few still have husbands but the vast majority live in some sort of ivory tower alone.  I  hope they are happy?  I think it is a sad reflection of our society to end up alone in your senior years.


Sorry, but what’s the difference besides gender.  You are a ‘little ole’ man living by yourself.  Seems rather sanctimonious. You don’t know if they’re happy or not.


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## Wontactmyage (May 16, 2022)

Leann said:


> I met my S/O over a year ago on the internet. I live in a rural area where there aren't any opportunities to meet someone. He lives 30 minutes away. I researched him thoroughly and told him I did. He had no problems with it. The company he works for requires a criminal background check every few years. He gave me a copy of the findings (there were none). We have never and have no plans to combine finances. There won't be a wedding, either. We both agreed to that very early on. My divorce damn near gutted me financially and I'm too old and perhaps too untrusting to get married again.
> 
> So, while I have every reason to believe he's "one of the good guys", I haven't let my guard down completely.


I’m with you. I met a man on a dating site and we have been together for over seven years. We also will not marry but we both have our wills rewritten so that we are each others beneficiaries. He was a widower. We both do not have children. I financially contribute to his/our home.


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## Nathan (May 16, 2022)

As tech & internet orientated as I am, I would not become involved in a romance online, that is- if I were available.


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## Wontactmyage (May 17, 2022)

I a


Nathan said:


> As tech & internet orientated as I am, I would not become involved in a romance online, that is- if I were available.


I can agree with you, for the most part. I live in a small town and smaller surrounding towns. He was local. He gave me references.


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## Teacher Terry (May 25, 2022)

Having friends to do things with is important but I am not looking for romance. I joined a singles dining group for seniors and that’s been fun. I still have all my friends from before the divorce so have plenty to do.  None of my married friends are happy with their spouses.  I like deciding what I want to do and not have anyone to take care of, clean up after or criticize me.


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## JonSR77 (May 26, 2022)

Teacher Terry said:


> Having friends to do things with is important but I am not looking for romance. I joined a singles dining group for seniors and that’s been fun. I still have all my friends from before the divorce so have plenty to do.  None of my married friends are happy with their spouses.  I like deciding what I want to do and not have anyone to take care of, clean up after or criticize me.



My wife's mom is alone now. Her Dad passed about ten years ago. Has been a hard transition and also into finding new friends.

Our best wishes for you to find some nice new friends and some nice experiences.


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## Teacher Terry (May 26, 2022)

JonSR77 said:


> My wife's mom is alone now. Her Dad passed about ten years ago. Has been a hard transition and also into finding new friends.
> 
> Our best wishes for you to find some nice new friends and some nice experiences.


I think it’s important to always have friends whether you are married or not. Some people drop their friends once they marry. My life changed very little with the divorce because I had all my same friends and activities.  Joining the dining group gave me people to go out to dinner with.


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