# NY Times essay, caring for a dying friend



## Bobw235 (Nov 25, 2015)

This is moving, and a bit tough to get through, but thought some might appreciate this well-written essay. Friendship expressed in the most intimate of ways.  It will make you think.

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.co...ight-region&WT.nav=opinion-c-col-right-region


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## hollydolly (Nov 25, 2015)

Bob, I didn't even get half way through that well written story and I couldn't read any more, the tears were blinding me for that lady's suffering... perhaps I'll come back another day and read the rest..

God help me, I know this sounds selfish, but please god that if I ever get a terminal illness that I get the chance to end my life before going through such a horrendous existence..


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## Bobw235 (Nov 25, 2015)

hollydolly said:


> Bob, I didn't even get half way through that well written story and I couldn't read any more, the tears were blinding me for that lady's suffering... perhaps I'll come back another day and read the rest..
> 
> God help me, I know this sounds selfish, but please god that if I ever get a terminal illness that I get the chance to end my life before going through such a horrendous existence..



Yes, it's a tough read for sure and I'm with you on having the chance to take matters into my own hands should such a fate come my way.  What a wonderful friend this woman was.  Many of those whose comments I read in the Times echoed your sentiments.  The piece is very moving and several said they were crying as they read it.


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## Linda (Nov 25, 2015)

(Please don't read my post if you are depressed or sad) I'm not going to try reading that essay tonight but I might tomorrow.  I helped care for a friend dying of breast cancer and she refused all medical help except, at the last, a Hospice nurse came in once or twice a week and checked on her.  She did take pain meds.  I stayed with her at lest half of the time for about 8 months while her niece and neice's husband worked or needed a break.  I often stayed overnight.  Towards the last another friend came to help out too.  I didn't come away from the experience with any good feelings about it.  I told her I'd stay with her till the end but 2 weeks before she died I had to leave and never go back.  My blood pressure was almost unmanageable and I was not emotionally equipped to see it through.  I wish I could go back and have a redo and finish it this time.  I think maybe the cancer had went to her brain or something happened because she got real mean and among other things kept accusing me of trying to kill her.  Once she climbed out a bathroom window and walked down a highway till someone took her to the police because she'd been held captive for several months by some people who wanted to kill her.  When the police got there the niece's husband and I were the only ones home and they came in the house and separated us and started asking questions.  The young man was so upset and shocked he could barely speak.  I can't even recall what I felt or said.  I called the niece to come home and the police told her if her aunt was found out on the streets alone again she'd have to be put in a nursing home. If I read that essay I hope it's more uplifting than my experience was.


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## Bobw235 (Nov 26, 2015)

I re-read the piece, slowly, in the quiet stillness of the morning with a cup of coffee by my side.  I am struck by selflessness and devotion that the author extended to her dying friend. It is a gift to be this compassionate towards another human being.  I also think it must make you look at life differently after such an ordeal.  Recently I was in FL to visit my in-laws. My wife and I marvelled at the care extended her parents by the full-time caregiver.  She's dealing with my FIL's Alzheimer's and my MIL's long term physical impairments and sudden mental decline into dementia.  It was hard to witness, yet she extended care with patience and devotion.  Caregivers, in whatever capacity, but especially those who care for the terminally ill, are a blessing.  

I'm glad I read this beautifully written essay, no matter how hard the subject matter.


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## Underock1 (Nov 27, 2015)

hollydolly said:


> Bob, I didn't even get half way through that well written story and I couldn't read any more, the tears were blinding me for that lady's suffering... perhaps I'll come back another day and read the rest..
> 
> God help me, I know this sounds selfish, but please god that if I ever get a terminal illness that I get the chance to end my life before going through such a horrendous existence..



I hear you, Holly. As a non-believer I can't get help from God, but getting it from Governor Christie would be nice.
I don't see how anything can be more fundamentally an individual's right, than their choice of how they wish to die.


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## Underock1 (Nov 27, 2015)

Bobw235 said:


> This is moving, and a bit tough to get through, but thought some might appreciate this well-written essay. Friendship expressed in the most intimate of ways.  It will make you think.
> 
> http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.co...ight-region&WT.nav=opinion-c-col-right-region



An excellent essay, Bob. All of us are indeed stuck with loving other hearts that will stop beating, We may continue on for some time after they do before our own stops and gives us peace. Not like "dumb animals" but with human emotions that continue to hurt. All we can do is look back on a, ( hopefully ), happy life and find it well worth the price.


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