# Journey to the End



## Ruthanne (Jun 10, 2022)

More will follow.


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## Ruthanne (Jun 18, 2022)

Thanks for that hug @spectratg 

I think I'm going to right now take a slow pace at posting in this thread unless I need to make some updates or something that is concerning.

First of all, I've been pondering death and the end of my life for quite some time.  That hasn't been easy but has gotten better for me.  I was told I had a certain amount of years to live due to having a serious disease.  I've now had the disease for at least 6 years that they know of.  They being the medical people.

I know that life for everyone is different just as the end of life is.  I don't totally accept the amount of years they told me I had.  Who knows, really, how long they have to live?  We are humans and not "things" that expire within their expiration date.  I have been optimistic about what time I have left.  I hope to continue to be optimistic and live my life in a manner that suites me.  After all, it IS my life....lol.

I don't know exactly what it is like to die or what that moment or two at death will be like but I've been educated to know about how the bodily systems work in that capacity.  I may also do some more research regarding that but not right now.

Anyhow if you've read this far Welcome to my Journal.


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## Alligatorob (Jun 18, 2022)

Hey Ruthanne, I  hope your journey is a pleasurable one, and longer than you expect.

I suppose we all ponder our deaths, not a bad thing if it doesn't become all consuming.  Planning is good.


Ruthanne said:


> I don't know exactly what it is like to die or what that moment or two at death will be like


Nobody who can tell us really knows either.  It will be our final mystery...


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## Ruthanne (Jun 18, 2022)

Alligatorob said:


> Hey Ruthanne, I  hope your journey is a pleasurable one, and longer than you expect.
> 
> I suppose we all ponder our deaths, not a bad thing if it doesn't become all consuming.  Planning is good.
> 
> Nobody who can tell us really knows either.  It will be our final mystery...


Thanks, I hope to make it as pleasurable as possible.  Longer would be good, too.  

When I was first told I had this disease it was devastating because not in my wildest dreams did I imagine it.  It did become all consuming for quite awhile and I was truly down and out about it.  I'm thankful to  say that now it is NOT all consuming and I can see the forest from the trees now.  I'm no longer overwhelmed, thank God.  Took me some time to get here, too, and I imagine it's the same for many others.

Yes, it will be our final mystery.  Hopefully things will be quick at the very end--that's all we can hope for, I believe.  Thanks for your comment!


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## john19485 (Jun 18, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Thanks for that hug @spectratg
> 
> I think I'm going to right now take a slow pace at posting in this thread unless I need to make some updates or something that is concerning.
> 
> ...


My doctor gave me six months to live in 1980, I was retired after they reviewed everything, I got tired of waiting for death, and started helping other Veterans, a couple years later my doctor died, I have had other people die right beside me, my first wife died in my arms, the only things I want, are to die in my own bed , and without pain. May you have a long ,and happy life . God Bless You


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## Ruthanne (Jun 18, 2022)

john19485 said:


> My doctor gave me six months to live in 1980, I was retired after they reviewed everything, I got tired of waiting for death, and started helping other Veterans, a couple years later my doctor died, I have had other people die right beside me, my first wife died in my arms, the only things I want, are to die in my own bed , and without pain. May you have a long ,and happy life . God Bless You


Thank you.  Your post is very inspiring to me.  I'm happy for you that you have survived this long.  Do you have any insights as to why you have lasted this long?  I'd be most glad to hear them.


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## john19485 (Jun 18, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Thank you.  Your post is very inspiring to me.  I'm happy for you that you have survived this long.  Do you have any insights as to why you have lasted this long?  I'd be most glad to hear them.


I'm not sure , I have just about died several times, at times I wanted to die, I tried to take my life once but a friend stopped me, Make sure that you have people that you can confide in, if you live in a safe area, start taking a short walk everyday, if not find a place you can safely walk, I take my vitamins, and do a lot of research on what sickness I have, watch your doctors , some of them are just learning to.  I stopped smoking and starting taking care of myself years ago.


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## Ruthanne (Jun 18, 2022)

john19485 said:


> I'm not sure , I have just about died several times, at times I wanted to die, I tried to take my life once but a friend stopped me, Make sure that you have people that you can confide in, if you live in a safe area, start taking a short walk everyday, if not find a place you can safely walk, I take my vitamins, and do a lot of research on what sickness I have, watch your doctors , some of them are just learning to.  I stopped smoking and starting taking care of myself years ago.


Thank you.  I will.


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## Jules (Jun 18, 2022)

Seems like you’ve become stronger by accepting your illness and now you can deal with it better.  Hugs.


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## Ruthanne (Jun 18, 2022)

Jules said:


> Seems like you’ve become stronger by accepting your illness and now you can deal with it better.  Hugs.


Thank you!


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## Ruthanne (Oct 1, 2022)

In this moment I am feeling peace and value it dearly.  I am trying very much not to allow people who have no true concerns for me  to trouble me.  It should be easy but it is not always.  I must realize they have their own problems.  May peace come to them.

Life and death are hard enough we don't have to be dissuaded by some who in the scope of reality do not matter.

My life has been getting harder because of my health issues.  I need to take better care.  Thanks for your concern and prayers are most appreciated.  More to follow.


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## Mr. Ed (Oct 5, 2022)

Journey to the end. I used to darkly fantasize about death, not death specifically but not living life as i know it. TMS treatments helped me resolve childhood trauma and gave me different perspective of what happened real or not.  This allowed me to clean my attic of old ways of thinking with new and improved elctro-magnetic stimulated brain circulatory system. Now my imagination with Keds can run faster and jump higher than ever before. 

Journey to the end or perhaps seeing it all the way until the end? It takes courage and fortitude to grow old. My body and mind are deteriating, i am tired being pissed off about my life and the lack of opportunities I had for a better life. I beleive the circumstances of my life are directly related to the past by which life responds in the present.


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## Ruthanne (Oct 5, 2022)

Mr. Ed said:


> Which end sideways?


Sorry but I don't understand what you mean.


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## Mr. Ed (Oct 6, 2022)

Mr. Ed said:


> Which end sideways?


Has no meaning, just thought


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## ronaldj (Oct 6, 2022)

take care


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## Pappy (Oct 6, 2022)

Ruthanne. I hear you loud and clear and hope you live a long and pain free life.. As you know, I’m 84 and know the end could come at anytime. I have several things going on in my body too, but I have made peace with myself and the good Lord above. 
iI love how upfront you are about your feelings and Heath. God love you lady.  Pappy


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