# Job interview w/91 year old fella



## Denise1952 (Mar 22, 2014)

I found it yesterday in the paper and it took me a long time to get to talk with Harry.  His phone was ringing off the hook and I know he had 3 gals come to meet him already (no call-waiting, busy signals much of the day)

When I got him on the phone, we had a nice visit.  He was especially glad to know I was in my 60's because the 3 he had met he said "these girls are like only 30 or so"  He said that his gal had to leave, she was 67, and that she had to move to her sister's to help her.  So now, his daughter (whos had a stroke) wants him to do the interviewing, then she will ok it, I guess the best she can.  Harry is a Veteran, has a nurse that comes in once a week, and other then that, is caring for himself until he finds someone.

He doesn't get around fast but he still cooks (he says he's sick of microwave as he isn't a good cook) and spends a lot of time in his chair w/tv.  I could tell he was very, easy to get along with, easy to please.  He said he would love just once to have some meat, potatos, and carrots cooked up and that is one of my specialties, in a crock pot, lol  Also someone to keep the house neat, and laundry, grocery shopping.  He also mentioned he would love someone to weed his little garden (He lives on a small property with several other mobile homes/modulars.  It's only 4 miles from me.  It can be live-in or live-out but I think he would prefer live-in.

I admit I was nervous after finding out how many health issues he has but he is such a trooper that I want to go interview with him, and just see if it might work out for us.  He needs someone so much, and I feel like he is out there with the wolves.  He said the last gal even payed his bills, and she went "out" to do that with his checkbook.  He trusted her, but in that situation, I would sit with him and fill them out, and let him sign.  It just sounded flakey to me.  I am probably wrong, but I don't trust easy.  Especially when it comes to people I think can be taken advantage of easily.

So yes, I'm nervous, because my heart is telling me this guy needs me, and also, I believe I can do this.  They aren't asking for a medically trained person, or even someone with experience.  I imagine the pay is low, but I don't need much, so I don't care.  He told me he's had surgeries but they won't give him anymore, and I think I heard him say he probably only has a couple of years left to live.  Some of his words were muffled, not bad though, and no sign of senility, dementia, altzeimers, he was very "with it".

So I'll go meet him today.  He is allowing people to come right to his house, that concerns me too, but he doesn't have much of a choice.  I thought being a Veteran the VA would be helping him more but I don't know all the situation.  I'll know more after I meet and talk with him.

Any feedback is welcome, I sort of feel as if this is the one, the reason I still haven't been hired elsewhere, someone that really needs me.  I know I have the hand and arm issues but Harry is the type I'm sure, that I can go slow at vacuuming etc.  Plus, if anything goes wrong for him, I just call 911. Denise


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## Vivjen (Mar 22, 2014)

If it feels right; and he is ok....go for it!


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## Gael (Mar 22, 2014)

Hope it turns out beneficially for you, Denise. But of course, it's always wise to keep both eyes open and be cautious.

He sounds like a fellow genuinely in need of assistance but that alone can attract the wrong types. They smell vulnerabilty like blood.

He'd be lucky to have you come work with him. And as for the medical issues, if it develops that it's more then you can or want to handle, speak up. If you are not signing any sort of contract then you can always exit if need be.


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## SifuPhil (Mar 22, 2014)

It certainly sounds like a good position, even if only to get a future reference and some experience as an aide.

One thing that struck me reading your account, and please don't take this the wrong way, as it's an indication of your caring nature - you seem like you mix emotional and business considerations together. 

I realize that caring for someone in a professional capacity requires a certain amount of close-up interaction and a concern for their well-being, but it might not be a good idea to get emotionally involved with a client as far as feeling sorry for them. Empathy, yes - but don't go overboard. Getting too involved can also lead to taking less pay than you're worth, because the sob stories will start and you'll feel sorry for them and you'll say "Just this one time", and then it will happen again and again ...

I guess I'm just saying be careful on this one, and think long and hard before you take a live-in position in a manufactured / mobile home - while I like them for one person or a couple, as a living place for a caregiver I think they're less than ideal because there's really no place you can "turn it off" for a while - you'll be on-duty 24/7. 

I wish you good luck, and think before you leap.


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## Denise1952 (Mar 22, 2014)

Hi Gael and Viv,

Thank you both, I will weigh it all out for sure.  That was my thought as well, but I think if he becomes anymore sick, he will probably be going into the hospital or Senior Home.  The VA has that too I believe??  As long as he can get up out of bed and move around, I don't have to do any lifting.  I would like to get him out of the house, some fresh air, we'll see.  He told me he hadn't gone anyplace for 5 years. I knew what he meant, he goes to the docs etc. but nothing else.  He also has been going to the grocery store on his own.  I don't know if he is driving himself.  A lot to find out.  We have a neat Senior Center here in Roseburg I could take him to if he is up to it.  I know I'm getting ahead of myself here. He's no weenie, I know that for sure


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## Denise1952 (Mar 22, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> It certainly sounds like a good position, even if only to get a future reference and some experience as an aide.
> 
> One thing that struck me reading your account, and please don't take this the wrong way, as it's an indication of your caring nature - you seem like you mix emotional and business considerations together.
> 
> ...



All good and wise info Phil, I will pay attention to it all.  I did call my sis lastnight and told her I felt I didn't want to take the job just because I felt worried or sorry for Harry.  On the other hand, what is wrong with that.  I'm a bit torn because yes it's a "business" deal, but it also feels like one neighbor helping another.  I'm going to be find no matter what, I truly believe that.  I'll know much more after I go there Denise


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## Raven (Mar 22, 2014)

This sounds like a job you can handle Denise but it is a position that deserves a good wage so don't
get short changed on that. 
Here in Canada the VA does help in cases such as this so he may receive money to pay for help.


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## Gael (Mar 22, 2014)

nwlady said:


> Hi Gael and Viv,
> 
> Thank you both, I will weigh it all out for sure.  That was my thought as well, but I think if he becomes anymore sick, he will probably be going into the hospital or Senior Home.  The VA has that too I believe??  As long as he can get up out of bed and move around, I don't have to do any lifting.  I would like to get him out of the house, some fresh air, we'll see.  He told me he hadn't gone anyplace for 5 years. I knew what he meant, he goes to the docs etc. but nothing else.  He also has been going to the grocery store on his own.  I don't know if he is driving himself.  A lot to find out.  We have a neat Senior Center here in Roseburg I could take him to if he is up to it.  I know I'm getting ahead of myself here. He's no weenie, I know that for sure



YW Denise and at this point, I wouldn't be overly concerned and analytical as to what the future holds for him. I would look at it as a possibly short term position and just keep a caring, but professional distance to the whole situation.


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## Denise1952 (Mar 22, 2014)

Raven said:


> This sounds like a job you can handle Denise but it is a position that deserves a good wage so don't
> get short changed on that.
> Here in Canada the VA does help in cases such as this so he may receive money to pay for help.



Ok Raven, I will be careful, I had a gal-friend that was a Veteran that was given money for her caregiver so this could be the setup.  I'll keep you posted  He was not a whiner at all or trying to make me feel sorry for him, that's why I just was so drawn to him.


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## Denise1952 (Mar 22, 2014)

Gael said:


> YW Denise and at this point, I wouldn't be overly concerned and analytical as to what the future holds for him. I would look at it as a possibly short term position and just keep a caring, but professional distance to the whole situation.



I think that will be the hard part, I think much of my problem with jobs has been I am not "professional" enough.  I mean, I do the job, but I think like in an office, I was a bit too bubbly, not loud, just friendly, I don't know.  And with a person like Harry, I am sure I would get attached, but I also know I would be able to handle whatever came.  I don't fall apart easily in situations.  Funny, but a few times I've been tested at this when things go wrong, like a fire once. I was the one that kept my head.


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## Denise1952 (Mar 22, 2014)

also, as my sister reminded me, I can just do it for a few days, driving there and back, before I decide if it will work.  That is if I get offered the job


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## Denise1952 (Mar 22, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> It certainly sounds like a good position, even if only to get a future reference and some experience as an aide.
> 
> One thing that struck me reading your account, and please don't take this the wrong way, as it's an indication of your caring nature - you seem like you mix emotional and business considerations together.
> 
> ...



Another thing too Phil, I want to be a good match for Harry.  Maybe someone more professional, I don't know what's best, so I guess I'll just go visit, find out details.  I know that is why I couldn't be a nurse, or a vetrenarian because of the fear of emotional attachment, that was when I was young and trying to figure out what I'd be when I grew up.  I'm still trying to figure out what I'll be when I grow up.  So far, the only thing I know for sure is that I will be "an older child":lofl:But I am a responsible person, I don't want to put myself down here.  I have been in some leadership rolls and done well, I do think I've lost a bit of confidence in myself over this "lack of employment".  Thanks again, I appreciate all the feedback, I get something from each of my friends here


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## Pappy (Mar 22, 2014)

Denise, this sounds an awfully lot like my Dads situation. He can still get around and take of himself up to a certain point. He does need help with his meds and food preparation. Only difference I can see is that Dad is in an assistant living home.

Always pays to be cautious but a face to face interview will no doubt clear up your concerns.


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## SeaBreeze (Mar 22, 2014)

Good luck Nwlady, it sounds like a good position for you.  This man is very lucky if he gets you to help him out, you're just the type of person I would love to have in my home to care for me when the time comes.  Hoping it comes with an appropriate salary, as you will be using your car, etc. to run errands, etc. 

 My sister's husband stayed in their home in  hospital bed when he was dying of cancer.  He had all the tubes and everything hooked up, and he was able to pass in the comfort of home instead of hospice.  My sister said after that, that she had a strong desire to help other older people who are sickly and in need.

I'm very emotional also, and have empathy for others big time, but just like you, I'm responsible and can act in an emergency as leader.  Hoping all goes well with your meeting.


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## Denise1952 (Mar 22, 2014)

Pappy said:


> Denise, this sounds an awfully lot like my Dads situation. He can still get around and take of himself up to a certain point. He does need help with his meds and food preparation. Only difference I can see is that Dad is in an assistant living home.
> 
> Always pays to be cautious but a face to face interview will no doubt clear up your concerns.



True Pappy, about the face to face.  Thank you for telling about your dad.  I do feel Harry just needs a little help, someone to do some of that stuff guys aren't usually interested in doing.  I shouldn't say usually, don't want to stereotype  I just talked to him and he has one interview at 9, started now, and he wants me to call at 10, so we'll see when I will be going over I just feel I want to get this rollin.  Sitting here wondering is hard.  I want to get the whole, big picture  Thanks Pappy, Denise


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## Jackie22 (Mar 22, 2014)

I hope this works out for you, Denise, I would echo Gael, in that the man would be lucky to get you.....good advice from your sister by taking this on as a trial basis...only thing I can think of that hasn't already been said...make a list of your questions and concerns..Good Luck!


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## Denise1952 (Mar 22, 2014)

SeaBreeze said:


> Good luck Nwlady, it sounds like a good position for you.  This man is very lucky if he gets you to help him out, you're just the type of person I would love to have in my home to care for me when the time comes.  Hoping it comes with an appropriate salary, as you will be using your car, etc. to run errands, etc.
> 
> My sister's husband stayed in their home in  hospital bed when he was dying of cancer.  He had all the tubes and everything hooked up, and he was able to pass in the comfort of home instead of hospice.  My sister said after that, that she had a strong desire to help other older people who are sickly and in need.
> 
> I'm very emotional also, and have empathy for others big time, but just like you, I'm responsible and can act in an emergency as leader.  Hoping all goes well with your meeting.



Thanks for this Seabreeze, I called at 9, he has an appt. there now, but wants me to call at 10 as he has no one else coming. So be going over soon I am pretty sure Denise


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## Denise1952 (Mar 22, 2014)

Jackie22 said:


> I hope this works out for you, Denise, I would echo Gael, in that the man would be lucky to get you.....good advice from your sister by taking this on as a trial basis...only thing I can think of that hasn't already been said...make a list of your questions and concerns..Good Luck!



Got it Jackie, thank you so much!! I will get in touch here when I get back


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## GeorgiaXplant (Mar 22, 2014)

Heck, Denise, I can understand that...I find it hard not to get attached to my clients, especially the two that I dog sit for because I've been working for them for five years. The others I only see once every two, three or four weeks. Seeing them every day? It would be really hard not to feel like they were my family. 

This one sounds good, and it would be nice to have somebody to "do" for...like meal prep...and having somebody to chat with about, say, the news of the day. 

You'll have an opportunity to meet his daughter, right?

If he hires you, I think the idea of living out for a few days, or maybe a week, before deciding to live in, is a good one. It'll give you both a chance to see if you can live under the same roof harmoniously.


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## Denise1952 (Mar 22, 2014)

Thanks Georgia, I had a nice visit with Harry.  His home has been kept up well, but the other gal didn't give him any notice so he's been alone there for a week.  Also, she was not a live-in, and he wants that just to have someone around.  It's a big Mod.  If I lived in, I would have a lovely master bedroom w/bath.  

Anyway, waiting for his daughter to contact me to check on some things with her.  Also, he seems in the dark about the VA paying for a full-time caregiver, but it is a possibility.  He would be easy to please.  He does say he's made his decision, and wants me.  I don't know what all hoops I may have to jump through in order to be ok'd with VA, his daughter etc.  I'll keep you posted.  He does drive himself, nice vehicle, but DMV is pullin his plug on that.  He says he would love me to take him some places.  He said the other gal was in a hurry to get in and out for her 3 hours a day.  I don't have that restriction.  His docs have given him a year to two years to live.  He is up and around, but he has artery problems and the docs say his heart can't take any more surgeries.

More later, denise

PS he is on blood thinners and I don't know, but could be causing some bruising he is getting on his arms.  He said they just showed up this a.m. and it must have happened when he rolled over in bed etc.


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## SifuPhil (Mar 22, 2014)

Sounds pretty nice - good luck with it! :encouragement:


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## Ina (Mar 22, 2014)

Denise, :yougogirl:  :gettowork: :tongue:


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## i_am_Lois (Mar 22, 2014)

Good luck Denise. If you get this position, I know you'll do your best and this gentleman will be fortunate to have you.


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## Vivjen (Mar 22, 2014)

Sounds good Denise....


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## Happyflowerlady (Mar 22, 2014)

I am glad that it looks so good for you getting this position, Denise ! It sounds like it would work out great for you. I think it is a position that you would enjoy doing, and if it works out for you to live there, that will be a great relief as well. Once you get your SS coming in, then you will be financially better off when the job eventually ends.

About the bruises on the arms; my husband gets those, and the doctor said it is nothing serious, just where little capillaries have broken. I was very upset when he started getting them at first; and they seem to just come and go, and appear overnight sometimes. I was glad when his turned out to not be anything serious; so maybe the ones that Harry has are something similar. 
My doctor changed me from Coumadin to Pradaxa, and it is a much better blood thinner; you don't have to get the blood tests all the time like you do with Coumadin, and there are no foods that are restricted.


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## Denise1952 (Mar 22, 2014)

Pradaxa is the name Harry mentioned I am fairly sure.  I wanted him to call his doc asap, so I guess that would be Monday.  Thank you though, that put my mind at ease, and although I can tell him what I heard it will be good if he let's them know anyway on Monday.  Just in case the dosage needs to be adjusted.  

I did get the job and start tomorrow a.m.  I will just go for a few days, driving back and forth from home, but Harry is hoping I will want to stay, and move into the Master Bedroom which is empty.  I am very nervous, very, new territory as far as work.  His daughter is such a nice woman, when I first saw her smile I knew I was going to love her.  I think the hardest part of all this is that I got used to this "home".  I've been safe and comfy here since late 2010.  I hadn't been anywhere for long for many years.  So now, I'm facing a move but I know it will be ok.

I appreciate those that have been kind to me here on the forum.  I won't have internet for a time (just periodically when I am back here at the house).  After I get my first pay, I can order up internet to be added.  The VA does not provide pay for Harry's care, Patty his daughter checked on it, and no go.  So he has to pay for all.  Thing is, I don't need a lot, and I know Harry has not intention of working me to death, so their offer of room & board, w/400 salary is fine for me.  It will pay my 2 bills, and then some.  

My friends here would always allow me back, as long as there is a room available, but after December I will also be up for Senior housing.  All I have is one day at a time to deal with, and I know we have to try to at least plan for "things to come", but I'm just trying to be positive and happy about my opportunity.

It is a lovely place, again, I can't remember what all I've told you, but it is neat and clean (previous gal kept it nice) newer modular.  Harry has a beautiful small, red truck like mine, only he has AC, yeehaw!!  Lot's more to tell, but will save that for another time.  Will miss keeping up on all the fun, and interesting threads  Denise

PS if you have questions, or send me notes, I will try and get back asap.  Wow, I'm gonna have Satellite TV, I can't say I'm sure I want it, LOL!  Oh, great place to walk and on the side of one of our hills so hiking too.  Looks over the lights of the city.  I will grab some photos for my album here No river for my kayak but can't have everything  Harry's real excited to have a home-cooked meal, lol!  Hope I don't burn it like the grilled cheese:sosad::lofl:


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## Denise1952 (Mar 22, 2014)

thanks Viv, don't care much for change anymore, used to live for it, always looking for greener grass.  Now I just want to be "home".


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## Denise1952 (Mar 22, 2014)

i_am_Lois said:


> Good luck Denise. If you get this position, I know you'll do your best and this gentleman will be fortunate to have you.



I will do my very best Lois.  I don't know who needs who more, Harry or me.  Someone to care for I feel is going to be very, good medicine.  I know it won't all be perfect, lots of adjustments for both him and I. I do have lots of hope about it though hugs, Denise


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## Denise1952 (Mar 22, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> Sounds pretty nice - good luck with it! :encouragement:



Thanks Phil, keep up the good humor 'round here, I'll be back, LOL!!


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## That Guy (Mar 22, 2014)

Wow, it happened.  Good.  Hoping with everyone else that all works out for the best.  Will miss you.  Hurry back!


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## Ina (Mar 22, 2014)

Denise, I'm happy for you! It sounds like what you've need praying for, and he sounds like what he needs most, you are the person to get it to him. Sounds like he needs a gentle giving friend. Good luck my friend, and take it slow. :flowers: :dontworry: :bighug:


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## GeorgiaXplant (Mar 22, 2014)

Oh, goody! I thought I'd just check and see if you had any news yet before I shut down for the night and am so glad I did. 

Denise, this one sounds like it's just the ticket for you and for him, too. When you're at home, please do post updates. Happy for you to have found something that suits! Best of luck (don't burn the grilled cheese)

P.S. Yeeeeeeeehaw!


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## Denise1952 (Mar 22, 2014)

That Guy said:


> Wow, it happened.  Good.  Hoping with everyone else that all works out for the best.  Will miss you.  Hurry back!



yep Life's timing, not mine, thank you TG, sys


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## Denise1952 (Mar 22, 2014)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> Oh, goody! I thought I'd just check and see if you had any news yet before I shut down for the night and am so glad I did.
> 
> Denise, this one sounds like it's just the ticket for you and for him, too. When you're at home, please do post updates. Happy for you to have found something that suits! Best of luck (don't burn the grilled cheese)
> 
> P.S. Yeeeeeeeehaw!



LOL, yeah, I'm sure Harry can do without the charcoal thank so much for you well wishes and I will keep the post updated as best I can


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## Denise1952 (Mar 22, 2014)

Ina said:


> Denise, I'm happy for you! It sounds like what you've need praying for, and he sounds like what he needs most, you are the person to get it to him. Sounds like he needs a gentle giving friend. Good luck my friend, and take it slow. :flowers: :dontworry: :bighug:



will do Ina thanks for your support


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## SeaBreeze (Mar 22, 2014)

Congratulations Denise, I'm soooo happy for you!! :bananalama:  It does sound like his medication needs to be adjusted, because it could cause blood vessels to rupture and bleed internally.  He sounds like a very nice man, and you're an angel for keeping him company and making his last years a bit happier.  Post whenever you have time, but I know you have a lot on your plate now to prepare for your new job.  Spring time my dear, new growth and lots of sunshine coming your way! :sunshine:  :flowers:


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## Denise1952 (Mar 22, 2014)

SeaBreeze said:


> Congratulations Denise, I'm soooo happy for you!! :bananalama:  It does sound like his medication needs to be adjusted, because it could cause blood vessels to rupture and bleed internally.  He sounds like a very nice man, and you're an angel for keeping him company and making his last years a bit happier.  Post whenever you have time, but I know you have a lot on your plate now to prepare for your new job.  Spring time my dear, new growth and lots of sunshine coming your way! :sunshine:  :flowers:



I love the fact you mentioned Spring time, and new growth, that's what it is about isn't it Thank you so much Seabreeze, Denise
PS the weather has been so lovely here for sure.  Also, I even have a tiny flower bed to care for, I will love that Harry has some yellow and purple tulips blooming!  Love them


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## Happyflowerlady (Mar 22, 2014)

If he is taking Pradaxa, it should not be making him bleed. Coumadin is an actual blood thinner, which is why it has to be tested all the time, and the food you eat can affect it. If you are eating something that is a natural blood thinner, then the blood can get way too thin.  
 However, Pradaxa works by making the blood SLICKER, not thinner. By being slicker, it doesn't clot, so it has the same overall effect of a blood thinner; yet it is much safer. You just take a pill twice a day; and don't need to adjust the dose, at least usually.


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## SeaBreeze (Mar 22, 2014)

Sounds lovely, good to get your fingers in the dirt and enjoy the beauty of the flowers...everything sounds perfect really, wishing you the best in your new job! :love_heart:


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## SifuPhil (Mar 22, 2014)

Congrats, Denise!



Now, first things first - go through all the drawers in the house and try to find stuff to sell on eBay. Then, when you've done _that_ ...


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## Jillaroo (Mar 22, 2014)

_*Congratulations Denise, sounds like things are starting to come together for you, it does sound like a great job, hope you enjoy it.*_


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## Raven (Mar 23, 2014)

Best wishes as you begin your new job Denise!  You will do fine and the gentleman is  fortunate
to have found such a compassionate care giver.


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## Vivjen (Mar 23, 2014)

Congrats Denise. go for it gal!


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## Denise1952 (Mar 23, 2014)

Phil, you have the best ideas, will do:lofl:

you're so sick but it's ok, I look well next to you:coolthumb:


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## Denise1952 (Mar 23, 2014)

many thanks Viv


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## Denise1952 (Mar 23, 2014)

I will have to go easy in the dirt, but I already told Harry about my hand/arms.  He is aok with me taking my time, plus he said he has a guy come in and mow the lawns, and lift anything heavy etc.  I met the guy, I am sure he is at least 6'5", and reminds me a bit of Andre the Giant so no worries


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## Denise1952 (Mar 23, 2014)

I'll find out a lot more today, and I'm sure Harry will call his doc tomorrow (I'll be encouraging him to do so).  I do remember it started with a P, pretty sure, his new med.  Today I will find out all his meds, and the schedule for taking them.  He does it on his own now but it will be good to help him fill his weekly containers M-Sun.


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## Denise1952 (Mar 23, 2014)

I love your posts Jill, so pretty, they really stand out  Thank you for your congrats, so much, Denise


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## Denise1952 (Mar 23, 2014)

I start this a.m.  I will land there at 8:30 and get Harry's breakfast.  I can tell already, I am not much into driving back and forth, and I haven't even started.  I think I'll talk to Harry about starting my regular "stay over" tonight.  I live so close, but gas money is tight.  I just won't move out of here until the trial period is over.  I will be taking a few days to test the water.  I do plan on staying for the day though, and come home after dinner is all cleaned up, and he is settled in.  I just feel he needs someone there overnight.  I just put myself in his place, and I would want to know someone is near.  He is pretty fragile, I'm just thinking if I do spend the night, that will tell me way more if I am going to really give it a trial

I especially want to see what it will be like to wake up there, see how he handles his mornings.  I'm thinking I will be able to have my time to wake up etc. in my room, and give him his time as well.  Most folks like to have their privacy in a.m. He loves to talk so I know I will need some time to wake up first, LOL!!  I'm betting he may feel the very same We'll work it all out, he is easy to talk to. Denise


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## Denise1952 (Mar 23, 2014)

Yes, I think that finding Harry wasn't an accident, really don't believe in things happening the way they do for no reason.  But who knows.  Thing is, even though his age scared me a bit, he is just find because he and I communicate well, no dementia.  I had one experience with that years ago.  I only stay one night with a sweet lady with altzeimers.  In the night, she got up and was cooking on the stove and set it on fire.  It was not huge, just enough to scare me into not wanting to try to care for anyone for a time.  I am going on instinct only.  I was surprised he picked me, since I have no training.  I think my age had a lot to do with it.  The gals were pretty young that came before me to interview.  I think he felt more comfy with an older gal, yea for that, I was getting tired of getting beat out of jobs because of my age.  I'm sure it wasn't the only reason I lost out, but I think it could have been "part of" at least.  

I do think with this sort of thing, it is much like a lot of "close" type working relationships, or even personal.  It has to be a good match.  And we know nothing is ever perfect, so there is work, adjustment, compromise  And I am so glad there is laughter with the right match.  Harry and I have already discovered we share a similar sense of humor, he can be fun for sure  See you soon denise


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## GeorgiaXplant (Mar 23, 2014)

My wish for you is the best first-day-on-the-job ever I bet having a companion to do things with and for will bring a longer and happier life for both of you. Spring has sprung you into a great new adventure!


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## Denise1952 (Mar 23, 2014)

for sure Georgia  Already have a dinner planned, lunches are hard for me, but like I mentioned, he is easy to please, I can make a pot of soup etc, or sandwiches, he's happy with that.  I don't like hearing his doctor tells him eat anything he wants.  That seems like giving up.  I'm gonna encourage him to eat healthy and drink his water.  He needs to have his treats though, so I will make sure he gets those in moderation. He said he likes cookies so can bake those once in awhile


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## SeaBreeze (Mar 23, 2014)

You're a smart lady Denise, going in with eyes wide open, expecting real possibilities and ready to make some adjustments, good for you!  I remember Andre the Giant well, we used to go to wrestling matches way back in the day, Joe Leduc, Pampiro Firpo, Valentine Brothers, Jim Brunzell, Chris Taylor, etc.


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## Ina (Mar 24, 2014)

Denise, I been reading your posts, and it seems you have things in hand. He sounds mainly lonely, and you will be an angel for him. It also seems like you can be happy with the arrangements. Don't forget us, and let us know how you are once in awhile. :hatoff:


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## Denise1952 (Mar 24, 2014)

I will Ina I wouldn't forget SF and all the cool peeps here


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## SeaBreeze (Mar 24, 2014)

I think you're doing all the right things Nwlady!  I don't see anything wrong with leading in a healthier direction regarding diet, that won't hurt anything, and he may feel better for it. 

 We have a friend who goes to the VA for doctors and hospital care, and he feels that they don't want the older vets to get better.  They just want their case numbers off the books, so they can take care of the younger veterans, so if they don't have to pay out any more on meds and treatments for them, they're happy about it.  They are not interested in longevity, and I can understand that. 

 Real life takes priority over forum chat, so do what you need to and also give yourself some rest and relaxation, so you don't get sick.


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## Denise1952 (Mar 24, 2014)

Oh yeah, I am looking forward to my walks now where before, "oh no, exercise, ick" LOL!  I'm just feeding him what I eat which is 5 basics and he likes all that.  Like tonight we are having spaghetti.  Last night I made him Pamesan/Garlic noodles and chicken.  He likes all that stuff.  But he has icecream bars too  So yeah, he gets some good eatins, but his goodies too  I kept asking him if he wanted his icecream lastnight but he never did want it

That's all of you for stickin with me, I feel overwhelmed some of the time, like "what am I doing" trying to do a job like this, but other times it feels like such a good match.  I'll keep you posted, big hugs to all, even Phil, LOLLLLLLL!! luvyaphil Denise


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## SifuPhil (Mar 24, 2014)

Thank you, m'Lady - enjoy your adventure!!! :encouragement:


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## GeorgiaXplant (Mar 25, 2014)

So far, so good It sounds as though you're settling in...but skip the "stressed" part, k? Pretend that he's your favorite old uncle or something. Maybe getting back to his chair is what he wants to do when he tires. Heck, I'm not close to 91 or anything like frail, and when I'm bushed after a day's work (which is usually only 4-6 hours), I can hardly wait to get back to my favorite place to sit and just veg in front of the TV! I expect that after just an hour or so, he's probably as bushed as I am when I'm done.

I had a thought about lunch...when the weather is nice, how about making a picnic lunch and taking it to a park? Might he enjoy something like that just for a change?


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## That Guy (Mar 25, 2014)

SeaBreeze said:


> We have a friend who goes to the VA for doctors and hospital care, and he feels that they don't want the older vets to get better.  They just want their case numbers off the books, so they can take care of the younger veterans, so if they don't have to pay out any more on meds and treatments for them, they're happy about it.  They are not interested in longevity, and I can understand that.



So much for that hollow Support Our Troops . . .


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## That Guy (Mar 25, 2014)

All the best to you Denise!


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## SifuPhil (Mar 25, 2014)

That Guy said:


> So much for that hollow Support Our Troops . . .



Just what I was thinking, but seeing as how it's government-based I'm not surprised.


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## Denise1952 (Mar 25, 2014)

yeah, just checkin in here, not much new.  I don't like the way no one has been there for Harry, not even his daughters.  I may be wrong, but from what I've seen, they are just waiting for his money.  All I can see is myself in him, me in 30 years if I live that long.  Left with no one that cares, only those that are hungry for the dough.  He talks whenever I am in the room and if I go to the kitchen he still talks.  And it's the same stuff and it's all heartbreaking.  Things he wants to do but knows he can't, wants to go here and there, Arizona, all the places he dreamed of going with his wife before it all fell apart.  She died of cancer 5 years ago.

If anyone is able, and wants to do something, I say do it now.  Enjoy what you can now.  Harry's life is a recliner & and dish network.  He talks about going for rides but he really doesn't want to when I ask.  I can't blame him.  He hurts, and needs a scooter at least, but his house isn't suited for one.  So I just keep cooking meals, having coffee with him each a.m. about 7:30, breakfast at 8  He has 2 pancakes, 2 pieces of thick bacon, and 2 eggs over-easy!  He thinks I'm a great cook, lol.  I'm glad he likes it, it sure isn't fancy.  I don't see anything stopping me from accepting the job, and moving all my things in after Friday.  Yes, it gets stressful but it seems to bounce back real easy.  He starts complaining, then the next second he is afraid I'll leave.  I know he likes me, it's just that he wants all those things done that he can't do anymore, like pruning his apple tree.  He is frustrated because he can't do them, I am sad for him  But he is just onery enough that I just go in the kitchen and do whatever, then I walk back in to check on him and we are all friendly again, talk about mood swings, yeeeeeeeeehaw!

Ok, well, I have to get back on the road, and I have a doc appt today at 3, and Harry has one tomorrow 

Hope everyone here is doing well, I don't have time to read much today, so just say hey and be gone again, see ya'll, Denise


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## SeaBreeze (Mar 25, 2014)

That Guy said:


> So much for that hollow Support Our Troops . . .



I know, it's really a shame to treat our military like that.  But you know, I think it's the same way in the hospitals, etc....I think the elderly patients get worse treatment than the younger ones.  In general, it seems that older people always take a back seat in America when it comes to care and respect.


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## SeaBreeze (Mar 25, 2014)

It's nice that you two get along so well, being a caretaker can be stressful, but you're a strong lady.  Good luck at the doctors today, hope all is well.


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## Denise1952 (Mar 29, 2014)

I'm back in my apartment because Harry had to be taken to the hospital.  He's been released, I found out this a.m. and is with his daughter that lives in CA.  She is at his house now and I don't know what they are going to do.  Both daughters want him to go into a home for seniors, so we'll see.

I was learning so much about Harry, and do have some stories to tell, just from the short time I was with him.  I will be honest in saying he got very frustrated with me, as I didn't do things the way he was used to.  I know he liked me, and one moment he was so glad I was there, and the next he was gripin about me on the phone with his daughter, lol, I'm laughing but I admit it made me sad too.  I got used to that, or started to understand the mood changes, whatever it was and he even said on Wednesday a.m. that we were doing pretty good together weren't we.  I agreed

I did want to let folks that have been so supportive to me, what was going on.  Yes, I am out of work again, but also, I miss the good times Harry and I were having.  We watched the news the other night, or maybe it was morning?  I can't remember now, hah, the blind leading the blind.  Well, there was a story on a Gorilla who had to have a cesarean and a woman did most of the caring for the baby through it's premature/incubator period.  Then came time to introduce the baby to it's mom.  It was tense because they weren't sure how the mother gorilla would be.  So they first put the baby close to the cage in it's human mother's arms so the gorilla could see the baby.  Mom just sat there.  Then they had to go a step further and put the baby in the straw in with it's mother.  She came over and started gently lifting the babies head and she took it up in her arms.  It was really touching, and I was sobbing a bit, tearing up.  Harry had been ooooooing and aweing so I looked over and he was crying.  From that moment on, I was totally endeared to Harry. Then again, not 5 minutes later he was cheering some guy on to kick a little dog that was trying to bite him, lol!  Harry is a trip  As That Guy might say, psychadelic (blow your mind):lofl:

Another few minutes later, I checked on him while fixing lunch or dinner, and he was staring down toward the floor with the most heartbreaking sad eyes I can ever recall seeing. I recognized it right away, depression.  I found out that Harry had lost much of the use of his legs because after his wife died 5 years ago, he wouldn't get out of his chair, I mean, most of that 5 years had been spent in his chair until his legs became so weak.  I think the nurse called it atrophy??  Where the leg muscles shrink up, something like that

Well, enough, I have been feeling sick for 2 days since I came back home.  The forum has done a lot for me, so thanks to all of you, just for being here.  I tried for a ranch-sitting job, easy, sheep just eat grass and 2 dogs to feed (the big guardian dogs, I so love them  but the lady decided her neighbor would watch her place.

I guess the best part of being with Harry was we laughed together, sparred back and forth, and we even cried together  I'll never regret staying with him, I learned so much, denise


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## Happyflowerlady (Mar 29, 2014)

It is so sad that things didn't last very long; but the good part is that you got to meet and help a fellow human that needed someone in his life very bad, and you were there to meet that need.
Sometimes, people only come into our lives for a little while, even though we wanted it to last longer. 
However brief the friendship was, it was a beautiful time for both of you, and the memories, the memories, they will last forever...


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## Denise1952 (Mar 29, 2014)

I gotta tell you I wanted to leave at least once a day HFL, but then, it would level out again, it wasn't just Harry's moods, it was mine as well.  One moment I was letting thing roll off my back, the next I was hurt.  But I was learning to put his needs before my "feelings" which was where I saw the growth in me.  I am not saying I would want to go on doing this type of work, I'm just saying I'm glad for what I learned, especially about myself.  It's easier for me to be selfish, surely not as rewarding though.


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## SeaBreeze (Mar 29, 2014)

It sounds like a special relationship, although short lived, was meant to be.  Cherish it as a life lesson, and I'm sure Harry will hold your time together in his memory.  So sad that his family allowed him to just sit until his legs atrophied...so sad, shows he was really alone until you came along.  So sorry things didn't work out, but tomorrow's a new day and the future may hold some good things in store.  Always thinking of you, and here for you.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Mar 29, 2014)

Aw. So sorry it didn't work out. I hate that Harry has to either go with his daughter or to a nursing home. What little shred he had left of independence will be gone and he'll probably just give up. Rats.

Don't YOU give up!


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## Denise1952 (Mar 29, 2014)

SeaBreeze said:


> It sounds like a special relationship, although short lived, was meant to be.  Cherish it as a life lesson, and I'm sure Harry will hold your time together in his memory.  So sad that his family allowed him to just sit until his legs atrophied...so sad, shows he was really alone until you came along.  So sorry things didn't work out, but tomorrow's a new day and the future may hold some good things in store.  Always thinking of you, and here for you.



No, he did have several people care for him over those 5 years, well, I know at least one before me for 6 months.  Surely he had caregivers before, but the daughters didn't tell me much at all.  One told me that she couldn't deal with her dad that's why they were glad I was there.  Her and the other daughter.


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## Denise1952 (Mar 29, 2014)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> Aw. So sorry it didn't work out. I hate that Harry has to either go with his daughter or to a nursing home. What little shred he had left of independence will be gone and he'll probably just give up. Rats.
> 
> Don't YOU give up!



Well, I was awful nervous because Harry was fragile.  I mean I would wake up if I heard anything because I wanted check if he was ok and had not fallin.  He tries to do things, and oh, forgot the first ride in his truck.  I was too dumb to just say no, but we were going down to his daughters, about a mile away.  I assumed I would drive.  Harry said no, he would drive.  Ok, so away we go, first thing, he drove pretty fast, X truck-driver, used to doing things a bit differently I think, and second, he ran a red light.  Ok, he argued a bit, said it was green, but nope it was fire-engine red.  So from then on, I did the driving, or I said I would drive if we went together anywhere, and he said ok.  So the next day I think it was, we did go to DMV for him.  And stubbornly, he did allow me to drive.


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## Ina (Mar 29, 2014)

Denise, Sorry to hear about Harry, and I hope he gets better. But, you still have us and I'm sure you were missing your chubby hole. So welcome home friend.


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## Denise1952 (Mar 29, 2014)

I am glad to be here, but I was getting comfy at Harry's too.  I was so bummed about leaving here but only after 2 nights I really began to feel that was my home.  But yeah, this is still.  I had to come home and clean up after my "new house guest" a big grey rat.  This is a million some dollar home but rats aren't pickie, LOL!  And we are on the river here.

Ok, now I am beginning to understand why I might be just a bit under the weather, LOL!  I know it was harder on Harry, adjusting to someone being in his home 24/7, but he did start feeling comfy with me too, when he wasn't pissed at me, LOL!!  I changed the water level on his washer and caused it to run over, leak out the bottom or back, don't know for sure what went wrong.  He then told me you can't change any of the knobs, ok, one hard lesson.  Cookin now Ina, so I'll try to get back in for a bit later denise, hugs


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## That Guy (Mar 29, 2014)

I'm glad it was a worthwhile experience no matter how short lived.  But coming home to million-dollar rats . . . ?  There's a message there somewhere....


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## Denise1952 (Mar 29, 2014)

:tapfoot:yeah, there's always someone in line waiting to move in on your territorylayful:


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## nan (Mar 30, 2014)

So sorry that job didn't work out for you Denise, maybe there is something better to come for you I sincerely hope so.


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## Denise1952 (Mar 30, 2014)

thanks Nan, been checking around today, off and on, mostly playing on here though.  Printing out more fliers to distribute for pet-sitting.  Something will come up


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## Ina (Mar 30, 2014)

Denise, Have you thought of online tutoring for grade and middle school student. I Did that for awhile. Reading and Math are the hardest for the younger children, but if someone has the patients, it can make the difference between a passing or failing for a child. :flowers:


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## Denise1952 (Mar 30, 2014)

Thanks Ina, but that wouldn't work for me.  I need to rest for awhile and rethink what I want to try for.  I appreciate the help though, denise


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## SifuPhil (Mar 30, 2014)

nwlady said:


> ...  Something will come up



You know what they say - when one door closes, you have to go out the window. layful:


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## Denise1952 (Mar 30, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> You know what they say - when one door closes, you have to go out the window. layful:



and down the fire-escape


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## SifuPhil (Mar 30, 2014)

nwlady said:


> and down the fire-escape



Ah, I see you've been there before, too!


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## Denise1952 (Mar 30, 2014)

yeah, hard to run in those alluminum undies too, without rippin em:lofl:


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## Denise1952 (Mar 30, 2014)

yeah, hard to run in those alluminum undies too, without rippin em:lofl:me and the tinman, "there's no place like home, there's no place like home", wears my oil-can?


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## LogicsHere (Apr 1, 2014)

I was only just catching up on these posts as I've been busy attempting to write a book in addition to working a full-time job and caring for my 94 year old mother. Consider that everything that happens, happens for a reason. Coming from my own experience, caring for someone in their 90s is NOT easy; it is hard work and then consider as in my case that the person is suffering from a form of dementia as well. I know that I can say that she's better off with my looking out for her, but then on the other side of the fence am of the opinion that the best place for her is in assisted living. I only wish I was Ms. GotBucks so I can afford it. At between $7000-10,000 a month, her money wouldn't last a year. 

I agree it is sad to be with someone with the repetition of the questions and the stories. It's almost to the point of ad nauseum but you deal with it because you know that they cannot help it. Health is another story, I don't want to deny my diabetic mother sweets, but she blackmails me to the point where I don't have a choice but to buy what she wants. I'm trying to keep her out of a nursing home and she keeps trying to put herself into one. She's handicapped and needs to use a walker, but she continues to gain weight. I keep asking her to cut down but to no avail because I would be forced to put her in a home if she loses her mobility.

While you looked upon the caregiver's job with enthusiasm, be thankful that it didn't work out. It takes a person who is able to not get close "emotionally" because it is sad. You have to remain emotionally unattached or it does take a mental and physical toll on you and this comes from someone who can say this because I'm experiencing it.


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## That Guy (Apr 1, 2014)

LogicsHere said:


> While you looked upon the caregiver's job with enthusiasm, be thankful that it didn't work out.  It takes a person who is able to not get close "emotionally" because it is sad. You have to remain emotionally unattached or it does take a mental and physical toll on you.



Excellent point.


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## Denise1952 (Apr 1, 2014)

LogicsHere said:


> I was only just catching up on these posts as I've been busy attempting to write a book in addition to working a full-time job and caring for my 94 year old mother. Consider that everything that happens, happens for a reason. Coming from my own experience, caring for someone in their 90s is NOT easy; it is hard work and then consider as in my case that the person is suffering from a form of dementia as well. I know that I can say that she's better off with my looking out for her, but then on the other side of the fence am of the opinion that the best place for her is in assisted living. I only wish I was Ms. GotBucks so I can afford it. At between $7000-10,000 a month, her money wouldn't last a year.
> 
> I agree it is sad to be with someone with the repetition of the questions and the stories. It's almost to the point of ad nauseum but you deal with it because you know that they cannot help it. Health is another story, I don't want to deny my diabetic mother sweets, but she blackmails me to the point where I don't have a choice but to buy what she wants. I'm trying to keep her out of a nursing home and she keeps trying to put herself into one. She's handicapped and needs to use a walker, but she continues to gain weight. I keep asking her to cut down but to no avail because I would be forced to put her in a home if she loses her mobility.
> 
> While you looked upon the caregiver's job with enthusiasm, be thankful that it didn't work out. It takes a person who is able to not get close "emotionally" because it is sad. You have to remain emotionally unattached or it does take a mental and physical toll on you and this comes from someone who can say this because I'm experiencing it.



Thanks for your reply.  I do appreciate it, and realize that I wasn't a good match for the job.  I doubt I could have stayed even if Harry's family hadn't stepped in.  I am sorry for your situation, I now have a different attitude toward folks that choose not to care for their elderly family members.  It's so easy to point the finger at someone until you walk in their shoes (I mean, get a taste of what it is to be in their shoes) denise


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## Ina (Apr 1, 2014)

Hello LogicsHere, I had the care of both my parents. My father lived in our house, and my mother lived in a small trailer in our back yard. And yes, at the same time. So you do have my sympathy. By the time my parent passed, the toll started to show in my health and mental state. 
One thing I did was to get a family member to unwrap all candy, and put those wrappers around sugar-free candy. At that age I didn't care about the chemicals in the sugar-free stuff. 
Maybe her SS could hire a sitter/friend to visit a few times a month to give you some time off. I :applause: you.


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