# Malapropisms



## CinnamonSugar (Aug 22, 2019)

Enjoy finding malapropisms (basically saying the wrong thing at the right time)

From the the original Ms. Malaprop:  "She's as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of the Nile" (meant alligator)
Or a more recent one heard on the radio in reference to weather:  "shattered thunderstorms" 

Tell me your fave malapropisms!


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## Lc jones (Aug 22, 2019)

Whoa you’re way over my head Cinnamon!!!


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## RadishRose (Aug 22, 2019)

I never appreciated these... sorry, my loss.


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## retiredtraveler (Aug 23, 2019)

_"The police are not here to create disorder, they're here to preserve disorder." - Richard Daley, former mayor of Chicago _

I'm from Chicago area. This has been quoted a number of times through the years.


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## JustBonee (Aug 23, 2019)

"The flood damage was so bad, they had to evaporate the city."     (evacuate)


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## Ronni (Aug 23, 2019)

Heard in an adjoining toilet stall ... she must have been talking on phone

She was talking about someone’s football game, reminded her about a friend’s reaction to a shirt stain so she commented about that, ending with “..... and she was so freaked sound about it...but I digest”.


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## AnnieA (Aug 23, 2019)

My best friend does this from time to time!  She's a smart woman but has sort of a verbal tick ...like dyslexia with words.  She described someone recently as a conspicuous housekeeper meaning meticulous ...but that one kinda worked.


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## Kimwhiz (Aug 23, 2019)

I wish I could find a pacific pair of shoes.


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## Knight (Aug 23, 2019)

It's in your hands means success is up to you. Last America's Got Talent program Simon Cowel was explaining to a comic that has a physical deformity of short arms & deformed hands that to continue to the semi final rounds his continuance was in his hands.


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## applecruncher (Aug 23, 2019)

Kimwhiz said:


> I wish I could find a pacific pair of shoes.



Drives me up the wall when people say pacific instead of specific. 

There was a really funny comedian named Norm Crosby back in the day - the Master of Malapropisms.


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## wvnewbie (Aug 23, 2019)

Saw Imogene Coca do Mrs. Malaprop live years ago.  Very funny!


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## Lc jones (Aug 23, 2019)

Oh is this what Archie Bunker used to do? That cracked me up


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## Ruth n Jersey (Aug 23, 2019)

I could write a book with the ones my hubby uses. He tells me it is so hot outside there are magnets in the garbage can(maggots). He loves Napoleon ice cream(Neapolitan) and he wants corn kibbles for dinner(niblets). So hard to hold a straight face.


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## CinnamonSugar (Aug 24, 2019)

Lc jones said:


> Oh is this what Archie Bunker used to do? That cracked me up


Yes.. wasn't one of his sayings he "had his nose to the brim stone"?  lol


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## Lc jones (Aug 24, 2019)

CinnamonSugar said:


> Yes.. wasn't one of his sayings he "had his nose to the brim stone"?  lol


There were so many


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## Lochkelly (Aug 24, 2019)

My hubby has some intentional ones like "hysterical marker."


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## Lc jones (Aug 25, 2019)

Lc jones said:


> There were so many


Check out the online search for Archie Bunkers malapropisms you’ll find so many of them I was just laughing hysterically....


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## Victor (Aug 28, 2019)

On "Green Acres" Lisa says "I'm drinking this whisky for municipal porpoises"


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## CinnamonSugar (Aug 28, 2019)

Victor said:


> On "Green Acres" Lisa says "I'm drinking this whisky for municipal porpoises"


LOL  sounds like she'd had more than one glass already!


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## treeguy64 (Aug 28, 2019)

My dog got picked up, last night. I had to go get him at the dog pond, today!


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## treeguy64 (Aug 28, 2019)

I couldn't do it myself, so I had to axe that guy to help me.


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## treeguy64 (Aug 28, 2019)

(From an actual report, this high school Junior gal wrote. I read it, and laughed so hard, I cried.)

"As a young girl grows up, changes take place: Hips widen, breasts develop, and hair begins to appear in public places."

I told her that young girls would be well advised to avoid going to the library and the park!

(Are you out there, somewhere, Robbie?)


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## treeguy64 (Aug 28, 2019)

(Comment made by my old buddy, who tended to look down his nose at others):

"You can't tell me that you are supporting this overseas involvement of ours. What are you, some kind of war mongrel?"

(Hey, Paul!)


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## MarciKS (Dec 5, 2020)

Not sure if this fits but we have a Jaccard meat tenderizer at work and one of our other cooks says she Dejared the meat. We corrected her once and now she's Decarded the meat.


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## Ronni (Dec 5, 2020)

Ruth n Jersey said:


> I could write a book with the ones my hubby uses. He tells me it is so hot outside there are magnets in the garbage can(maggots). He loves Napoleon ice cream(Neapolitan) and he wants corn kibbles for dinner(niblets). So hard to hold a straight face.


@Ruth n Jersey Ron does the same!!

His grandsons go to The Monastery school (Montessori)

Just last night he told me he had to remove a bunch of ivy because it was so evasive (invasive)

When he offers to cook dinner, he’ll ask if  kabassy is ok (kielbasa)

He’ll tell me “Put hamberg on the grocery list will you hon?” (hamburger


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## Autumn (Dec 5, 2020)

Having one wife is called monotony. (monogamy)


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## win231 (Dec 5, 2020)

I was watching an episode of "Cops" a few years back.  A cop was questioning a guy who hit his girlfriend.  The guy was trying to justify hitting her & the cop said, "Your point is mute."  He realized what he said & he then said, "Your point is moot."
A Chinese gal I was dating had some trouble pronouncing some words & sometimes they came out funny.  She had a 10 year old son who wanted a Guinea Pig.  She told me "My son wants to get a Kitty Pig."


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## jerry old (Dec 6, 2020)

Who can forget one of our presidents gaff:
“Too many OB/GYN’s aren’t able to practice their love with women all across the country.”​


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## RubyK (Feb 7, 2021)

My Dad was from Germany and would get idioms wrong. My Mom got annoyed with him whenever he said, "I don't know him from Adam to Eve." or "I'm not just banging around in the bushes." (beating around the bush)


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## win231 (Feb 7, 2021)

RubyK said:


> My Dad was from Germany and would get idioms wrong. My Mom got annoyed with him whenever he said, "I don't know him from Adam to Eve." or "I'm not just banging around in the bushes." (beating around the bush)


Boy, what I could do with than 2nd one........


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## Lara (Feb 7, 2021)

"Crocodile Tears" means a insincere display of emotion. But I thought big tears from a Crocodile must mean big deep sadness...so when someone died I told the mourners in a forum that I had been crying Crocodile tears all day about it. Someone finally corrected me...yikes


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## RubyK (Feb 11, 2021)

In googling malapropisms, I found this one spoken by Yogi Berra back in the day. "Texas has a lot of electrical votes!" (Electoral)

Here is a whole page of malapropisms, some of which are hysterical.

Malaproprisms


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## rcleary171 (Feb 13, 2021)

Look before you reap.


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## Lewkat (Feb 13, 2021)

I am not guilty of malaprops, usually, but I am an expert on spoonerisms.  My brain works in mysterious ways, believe me and when I have to deliver a speech to a roomful of people, it can be a hilarious endeavor.


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## win231 (Feb 13, 2021)

I was dating a Chinese gal who sometimes pronounced words wrong.
Once, she said, _"I can't wait to see the results of the erection."_

A minute later: _ "Why you always laugh at me?"_


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## Sunny (Feb 15, 2021)

I don't know if the wonderful Gilda Radner character, Emily Litella, was engaging in malapropism, exactly, with her constant misunderstandings of words. In any case, she was hilarious I still miss her.  Here's the one about "violins on television."


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## TommyTomTom (May 9, 2021)

When my daughter Alex was a child, she had a gift for malaprops:
"There are bees in the back yarden!"
"I bumped my forthhead."
"Why does mommy put makeup on her eye flashes?"

For those who remember early radio programs, "Easy Aces" featured Goodman and Jane Ace as a comedy team. And Jane was a master of malaprops. "He was a ragged individualist." (rugged individualist) and many more.

Be well!
Tom


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## CinnamonSugar (May 9, 2021)

TommyTomTom said:


> When my daughter Alex was a child, she had a gift for malaprops:
> "There are bees in the back yarden!"
> "I bumped my forthhead."
> "Why does mommy put makeup on her eye flashes?"
> ...


In case I missed ur introduction on another thread, welcome to the forum @TommyTomTom !


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## Mike (May 10, 2021)

A long time ago a friend, who answered the telephone
for a local taxi company lost her job, I didn't know this
at the time, but when she walked into the bar where we
all met, I asked her, "what happened to Len's Taxis"?
She replied "he got liquidised"!

Mike.


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## CinnamonSugar (May 17, 2021)

When oldest daughter was in high school, she had an assignment to make a drawing of a tool. She did a pretty good version of this:


  When she got the paper back, it turned out she had titled it a “5/8 inch wench”.   The teacher wrote next to this, “I don’t think so!”


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## ohioboy (May 21, 2021)

This Oriental went to the eye doctor and the Doc told him he had a cataract. He said, "No, I drive a Rincoln".


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## horseless carriage (May 21, 2021)

The new finance director had made a thorough costive search of the company's finances and was confident there were no irregularities.

That sentence was part of an exam question. It asked what was wrong. It is a malapropism of sorts, the reason being, costive has nothing to do with finance, it means constipated. But my answer "he probably cooked the books," was immediately picked up by the lecturer who remarked: "For once, I actually appreciate your humour."


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## CinnamonSugar (May 21, 2021)

ohioboy said:


> This Oriental went to the eye doctor and the Doc told him he had a cataract. He said, "No, I drive a Rincoln".


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