# Lyrics - Old time songs had words!



## janfromflorida (Jun 29, 2013)

Well, I made the big mistake of signing onto a dating site - but that's another story.  What did happen was that it brought to mind an old song, that I couldn't quite remember the words to.  Of course wonderful google got 'em for me.  So I'll post them and look forward to others of you posting some good old words!

This was listed as a Rosemary Clooney song, but I think it is older than that.

Songwriters: SCHWARTZ, ARTHUR/LOESSER, FRANK

They're either too young, or too old
They're either too gray or too grassy green
The pickings are poor and the crop is lean
What's good is in the army
What's left will never harm me

They're either too old or too young
So, darling, you'll never get stung
Tomorrow I'll go hiking with that Eagle Scout unless
I get a call from grandpa for a snappy game of chess

I'll never, never fail ya
While you are in Australia
Or off among the Rooshians
And flying over Egypt
Your heart will never be gypped
And when you get to India
I'll still be what I've been to ya
I've looked the field over
And lo and behold
They're either too young or too old

They're either too bald or too bold
I'm down to the wheelchair and bassinet
My heart just refuses to get upset
I simply can't compel it to
With no Marine to tell it to

I'm either their first breath of spring
Or else, I'm their last little fling
I either get a fossil or an adolescent pup
I either have to hold him off
Or have to hold him up
The battle is on, but the fortress will hold
They're either too young or too old​​​


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## Old Hipster (Aug 20, 2013)

sorry to read of your bad dating site experience, but the song you posted is a gem.

Well they don't write 'em like this anymore either. nthego:


Papa-oom-mow-mow

The funniest sound i ever heard
Papa-oom-mow-mow
Papa-oom-mow-mow
But i can't understand a single word
Papa-oom-mow-mow
Papa-oom-mow-mow
But if he's serious or if he's playin'
Whoo, my my is all he's sayin'
Papa, whooo
Baba-baba-baba-whoooooooo!

Dit-dit-dit
Papa-oom-mow-mow
Papa-oom-mow-mow
Dit-dit-dit
Papa-oom-mow-mow
Papa-oom-mow-mow

Well i said there, pop, say what's your name
Papa-oom-mow-mow
Papa-oom-mow-mow
Why don't you come around and show your face?
Papa-oom-mow-mow
Papa-oom-mow-mow
The weirdest sound--i can't figure it out--
I can't believe this sound makes me slap and shout
Papa, whooo
Baba-baba-baba-whoooooooo! yeah!

Dit-dit-dit
Papa-oom-mow-mow
Papa-oom-mow-mow
Dit-dit-dit
Papa-oom-mow-mow
Papa-oom-mow-mow
Dit-dit-dit
Dit-dit-dit
Dit-dit-dit
Papa-papa-papa-oom-muh-muh-muh-muh
Papa-oom-mow-mow
Papa-oom-mow-mow
Papa-oom-mow-mow
Dit-dit-dit
I can't seem to remember all the words

Dit-dit-dit
Papa-oom-mow-mow
Papa-oom-mow-mow
Dit-dit-dit
Papa-oom-mow-mow
Papa-oom-mow-mow
Dit-dit-dit
Well, i hear this sound everywhere i go
Papa-oom-mow-mow
Papa-oom-mow-mow
On the rockin' tv or the radio
Papa-oom-mow-mow
Papa-oom-mow-mow
But now it's spreadin' all through the land
I still can't seem to haha ha
Understand
Papa-oom-mow-mow
Papa-oom-mow-mow
Baba-baba-baba-whoooooooo!
Baba-whoo
Dit dit dit
Baba-baba-baba-whooooo!
Baba-baba-baba-whoooooooo!
Oooo-oooo-ooo-wooooo


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## Pinky (Apr 2, 2016)

Some old country & western song titles are pretty over-the-top. (I just need a good laugh today, please bear with me). I had to go back and restrict a few. I don't know how strict their guidelines are here  
http://www.tonmeister.ca/personal/geoff/stuff/funny/country.html

*The Best Of The Worst Country-western Song Titles* 
 1 - Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life 
 2 - Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed 
 3 - Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye 
 4 - Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure 
 5 - How Can I Miss You  If You Won't Go Away? 
 6 - How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life? 
 7 - I Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral 
 8 - I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life 
 9 - I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling 
 10 - I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me 
 11 - I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart. 
 12 - I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You 
 13 - I Wanna Whip Your Cow 
 14 - I Would Have Writ You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck! 
 15 - I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win 
 16 - I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy 
 17 - I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life 
 18 - I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised 
 19 - I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart 
 20 - I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line 
 21 - If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You 
 22 - If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low 
 23 - If My Nose Were Full Of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You 
 24 - If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will 
 25 - If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too? 
 26 - Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head) 
 27 - My Every Day Silver Is Plastic 
 28 - My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus 
 29 - My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart 
 30 - My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him 
 31 - Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You 
 32 - Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill 
 33 - She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft 
 34 - She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger 
 35 - She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart 
 36 - She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty 
 37 - Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone 
 38 - They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out 
 39 - Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart 
 40 - When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In 
 41 - You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too 
 42 - You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd 
 43 - You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat 
 44 - You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life 
 45 - You're The Reason Our Baby's So Ugly 
 46 - I Married Her Just Because She Looks Like You 
 47 - My Tears Have Washed "I Love You" Off The Blackboard Of My Heart 
 48 - Don't Cry On My Shoulders 'Cause You're Rustin' My Spurs 
 49 - I Can't Love Your Body If Your Heart's Not In It 
 50 - oops, restricted
 51 - I'll Get Over You As Soon As You Get Out From Under Him 
 52 - I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home 
 53 - I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like Having You Here 
 54 - oops, restricted 
 55 - It Takes Me All Night Long To Do What I Used To Do All Night Long 
 56 - Learning To Live Again Is Killing Me 
 57 - Please Bypass This Heart 
 58 - She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without 
 59 - Do You Love As Good As You Look?  
 60 - I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You 
 61 - I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised  
 62 - If You Don't Believe I Love You Just Ask My Wife  
 63 - Timber, I'm Falling in Love  
 64 - You're the First Time I Thought About Leaving  
 65 - Love Will Beat Your Brains Out  
 66 - Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart  
 67 -  It Ain't Love but It Ain't Bad  
 68  - The Pint of No Return  
 69 - This Time I'm Gonna Beat You to the Truck 
 70 - Hell Stays Open All Night  
 71 - I'd Be Better Off in a Pine Box  
 72 - I've Got You on My Conscience But At Least You're Off My Back  
 73 - Bridge Washed Out, I Can't Swim and My Baby's on the Other Side  
 74 - The Worst You Ever Gave Me Was the Best I Ever Had  
 75 - She Even Woke Me Up to Say Goodbye  
 76 - We Used to Just Kiss on the Lips But Now It's All Over  
 77 - If You Keep Checking Up on Me (I'm Checking Out on You) 
 78 - It Don't Hurt Half as Bad as Holding You Feels Good 
 79 - If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You 
 80 - She Feels Like A New Man Tonight 
 81 - The Last Word In Lonesome Is "me" 
 82 - When We Get Back To the Farm (That's When We Really Go To Town 
 83 - You Stuck My Heart In a Old Tin Can and Shot It Off a Log 
 84 - He's Been Drunk Since His Wife's Gone Punk 
 85 - I Bought the Boots That Just Walked Out On Me 
 86 - Ever Since I Said "I Do," There's a Lot of Things You Don't 
 87 - The Next Time You Throw That Fryin' Pan, My Face Ain't Gonna Be There 
 88 - I Don't Know Whether to Come Home or Go Crazy 
 89 - If You Can't Feel It (It Ain't There) 
 90 - Her Body Couldn't Keep You Off My Mind 
 91 - I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2 
 92 - I Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except Mine 
 93 - I Just Bought A Car From The Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We Got An Even Deal 
 94 - oops, restricted
 95 - I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well 
 96 - I Meant Every Word That He Said 
 97 - I'm Not Married But The Wife Is 
 98 - If Whiskey Were A Woman I'd Be Married For Sure 
 99 - Out Of My Head And Back In My Bed 
 100 - oops, restricted 
 101 - Tennis Must Be Your Racket 'Cause Love Means Nothin' To You 
 102 - What Made Milwaukee Famous (Has Made a Loser Out of Me) 
 103 - Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?


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## mattc (Apr 2, 2016)

Her Body Couldn't Keep You Off My Mind<--- I had to give this one a listen.It didn't disappoint but I couldn't make it past the 60 second mark.I'll bet 50% of these sound just like it too.


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## Pinky (Apr 2, 2016)

Same tune, different words. I didn't see anything about "my woman left me, my dog up and died .."


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## BlunderWoman (Apr 2, 2016)

Great songs  Here's another-






and one of my favorites -

[video=youtube_share;lxlzao0sDwY]https://youtu.be/lxlzao0sDwY[/video]


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## Pinky (Apr 2, 2016)

BW, those are straight to the point crazy funny


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## BlunderWoman (Apr 2, 2016)

Pinky said:


> BW, those are straight to the point crazy funny View attachment 28090



 On a more personal note- My ex had a bad constipation problem that was making him grumpy. I cooked nothing but greens, gave him fruit, but all to no avail. he was still constipated and I couldn't get off the pot from eating too many greens  Well one day he actually blamed me for his constipation hahaha. After that I made a ringtone clip from this Weird Al song & every time he called it played " Why'd you have to go and make me so constipated?"


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## Pinky (Apr 2, 2016)

Love Weird Al, BW!


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## mattc (Apr 2, 2016)

Then there is always Screamin' Jay Hawkins back in the '60s with Constipation Blues .A lotta the lyrics are him expressing his pain so i guess it is a true blues song.


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## Pinky (Apr 2, 2016)

mattc said:


> Then there is always Screamin' Jay Hawkins back in the '60s with Constipation Blues .A lotta the lyrics are him expressing his pain so i guess it is a true blues song.



Been awhile since I heard that name .. gotta look for it on YouTube.


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## mattc (Apr 2, 2016)

I would have posted it but not sure if it would be considered offensive here or not.


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## Peppermint Patty (Apr 2, 2016)

Remember this one?   (It was quite popular in the mid-forties, sung by many top stars.)



 Cickery Chick Cha-la Cha-la.
 Check a la romey in a bananika.
 Bollica Wollika Wollika, can't you see?
 Cickery Chick is me.

​ :weird: ​


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## Pinky (Apr 2, 2016)

I wonder if Carmen Miranda sang that song, PP.


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## BlunderWoman (Apr 2, 2016)

Pinky said:


> I wonder if Carmen Miranda sang that song, PP.



Here it is-


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## Pinky (Apr 2, 2016)

Definitely not a Carmen Miranda type song .. I know a lot of retro songs from the 30's and 40's, but don't recall this one. Thanks for finding it, BW.


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## mattc (Apr 2, 2016)

Pinky said:


> Definitely not a Carmen Miranda type song .. I know a lot of retro songs from the 30's and 40's, but don't recall this one. Thanks for finding it, BW.


A couple of retro songs that i really enjoy are from this guy







,not sure if both are from the 30s one might have been after the movie so in the 40s?


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