# 75 and in retirement community.  Most everyone here looks 85 and on walkers.



## Tara

Hi.  I am a 75 year old woman just joined a retirement  community.   Most people here are about 85. And on walkers.  They are nice enough. But it is a little sad and depressing.  I look young for my age. And they think it is a big deal because I wear makeup.  The black maids do not like me.  Some people resent me here.   It is for62  and up.  Nonprofit continue g care.  I am pretty healthy and in independent living. I keep wondering where the people in their  60;s. And 70s are.
It is like twilight zone here.  I think I should be in the 55 age and up age range.

The place is pretty and hi tech though.  I have a nice apartment and tv .it is pa.  It is so hard after losing my house and my brother.


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## hollydolly




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## Aneeda72

I am 75 years old as well, welcome to the forum.

I wish I had a maid cause it seems like I AM the maid as far as my husband is concerned.  I apparently look old for my age.  Maybe the people you think are 85 are old looking 75 year olds.  I also use a walker.  . It‘s where I hide my condoms.  just kidding.


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## bowmore

They are in my +55 mobile home park.


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## Aneeda72

bowmore said:


> They are in my +55 mobile home park.


Maids?  Why does everyone have a maid but me?


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## Myquest55

Was this the only place you thought of?  I'm curious, what caused you to choose that place?  Was it the closest to where you lived?

We have been visiting all the Retirement Communities we can easily drive to, in our area and have see 8 so far.  As we walked out of a couple of them, we looked at each other and shook our heads - this is not for us.  We are in our mid-60s and visited one community that was overwhelmingly over 80 and there were only 2 couples.  It has been fun taking the tours and we have asked lots of questions.  We did put our name on the wait list for 2.

I suppose, if you wait long enough, the population will age out and new, younger, people will move in??


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## HoneyNut

Tara said:


> Hi. I am a 75 year old woman just joined a retirement community.


That sounds like a big change if you were previously living independently alone.  I hope you find a few good compatible friends and can avoid "drama".  People are such a mixed bag, but apparently it is healthier to have a community than to be all alone.
I'm looking forward to hearing how it goes.  How did you pick the community you moved into?


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## Pepper

Myquest55 said:


> I suppose, if you wait long enough, the population will *age out* and new, younger, people will move in??


You mean die.


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## Lewkat

Someday in the not to distant future, you to will be 85.


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## HoneyNut

Myquest55 said:


> We have been visiting all the Retirement Communities we can easily drive to, in our area and have see 8 so far. As we walked out of a couple of them, we looked at each other and shook our heads - this is not for us. We are in our mid-60s and visited one community that was overwhelmingly over 80 and there were only 2 couples. It has been fun taking the tours and we have asked lots of questions. We did put our name on the wait list for 2.



I'd enjoy hearing the details of your explorations.  I am retiring soon and am so undecided about whether or not to sell my house, whether to just rent an apartment or buy a little condo, or whether to look into retirement communities.  I have been wondering if there are options of renting at different retirement communities for a couple months each, to see what it is like.


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## Pepper

Reprehensible suggestion, even in jest.


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## win231

Pepper said:


> Reprehensible suggestion, even in jest.


Enjoy that lemon.  It's high in Vitamin C.


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## Tabby Ann

Tara said:


> I have a nice apartment and tv .it is pa.


What is pa???


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## dseag2

My mother lived in assisted living for the last 4 years of her life.  She was one of the youngest-looking there and really blossomed from all the attention she received.  I visited her every week and frequently had lunch with her.  Yes, it could be depressing because there were some who were downright miserable, but there were also others who were extremely witty and had very interesting life stories to tell.  I enjoyed their company. 

From what I observed, like anything else you get out of it what you put into it.

This is my mother at 86, with my partner.  She liked him more than me.


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## officerripley

dseag2 said:


> My mother lived in assisted living for the last 4 years of her life.  She was one of the youngest-looking there and really blossomed from all the attention she received.  I visited her every week and frequently had lunch with her.  Yes, it could be depressing because there were some who were downright miserable, but there were also others who were extremely witty and had very interesting life stories to tell.  I enjoyed their company.
> 
> From what I observed, like anything else you get out of it what you put into it.
> 
> This is my mother at 86, with my partner.  She liked him more than me.   View attachment 203726


Great pic, thanks for posting!


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## officerripley

Tabby Ann said:


> What is pa???


Pennsylvania maybe?


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## fmdog44

We are all different.


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## WheatenLover

Aneeda72 said:


> I am 75 years old as well, welcome to the forum.
> 
> I wish I had a maid cause it seems like I AM the maid as far as my husband is concerned.  I apparently look old for my age.  Maybe the people you think are 85 are old looking 75 year olds.  I also use a walker.  . It‘s where I hide my condoms.  just kidding.


This reminds me of what my then 4 year old said when we got home from church. He had been to Sunday school. He exclaimed, "Mommy, I just figured it out! Eve was the first woman. But she was also the first maid!!!"


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## hollydolly

WheatenLover said:


> This reminds me of what my then 4 year old said when we got home from church. He had been to Sunday school. He exclaimed, "Mommy, I just figured it out! Eve was the first woman. But she was also the first maid!!!"


Very astute little boy....


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## Lavinia

One of the problems with  being surrounded by less able people is that they expect you to do things for them...such as shopping. Take care or they will quickly take you for granted.
You have the security of being in a community but at the same time you want to be independant. Think of your home as being just somewhere to live and make a social life outside the complex. Don't restrict yourself to  life inside the community....I'm sure you are under no obligation to do so.


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## HarryHawk

I think it depends on where in the lifecycle a community happens to be.  We are looking forward to moving into a brand new, yet to be built senior community.  There have been a number of mixers at which we met many of our future neighbors.  The folks all seem to be in their late 60's or early 70's.  

Of course, since most if not all intend to make this their last move, 10 or 15 years from now most of the community will be mid to late 80's (God willing). They will have spent the elapsed 10 or 15 years forming their circle of friends.  Someone younger moving in might not be able to quickly fit into the then existing community.

In many existing communities, the only time there is an opening is when one of the old existing residents pass.


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## funsearcher!

Not sure when is the sweet spot for moving into one of these communities. Guess it depends on you and your needs, first of all. I agree with a previous poster that you may be well served by finding your social life elsewhere, while being cordial to the other residents. As long as you are physically able to continue outside activities, it only makes sense.


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## Mizmo

Three of the tenants in my building were formerly in retirement residences
Cost them big bucks too!
They are all much happier in their apartments here with home grocery delivery, taxis available, cleaning ladies etc ., etc., and they do NOT miss "dancing to Perry Como and Frank Sinatra records" in the previous community recreation  or the Eggs Benedict for breakfast when they only ate cereal or tea and toast.  You are still paying big dollars  for food you don't eat.   Also they did not like being confined to regulated eating times.

My building has a recreation room for gatherings,  library next to laundry room, sauna , splendid gym but no swimming pool which most of the newer apartment buildings have. We get a barbecue in the summer and lovely Christmas dinner and small social gathering throughout the year.
It is also of course ,wheel chair accessible for those with such. I use a walker and all of the doors open accordingly.
There is also the feeling that you are not "stuck away with the old folks" as one of my friends puts it. We do have a mixed age bunch of tenants  and that is good. Sadly as is with everywhere,  Covid has limited a lot of activities in the building.

I do not have the finances available to live in one of these retirement places and as of now do not need any assistance but home help is always available .
I may need after I get the thumb done .


So that's my tuppence worth.......


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## Jules

Tara said:


> The black maids do not like me. Some people resent me here.


It must be obvious you’re unhappy.  Can you find another place?


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## officerripley

Mizmo said:


> Three of the tenants in my building were formerly in retirement residences
> Cost them big bucks too!
> They are all much happier in their apartments here with home grocery delivery, taxis available, cleaning ladies etc ., etc., and they do NOT miss "dancing to Perry Como and Frank Sinatra records" in the previous community recreation  or the Eggs Benedict for breakfast when they only ate cereal or tea and toast.  You are still paying big dollars  for food you don't eat.   Also they did not like being confined to regulated eating times.
> 
> My building has a recreation room for gatherings,  library next to laundry room, sauna , splendid gym but no swimming pool which most of the newer apartment buildings have. We get a barbecue in the summer and lovely Christmas dinner and small social gathering throughout the year.
> It is also of course ,wheel chair accessible for those with such. I use a walker and all of the doors open accordingly.
> There is also the feeling that you are not "stuck away with the old folks" as one of my friends puts it. We do have a mixed age bunch of tenants  and that is good. Sadly as is with everywhere,  Covid has limited a lot of activities in the building.
> 
> I do not have the finances available to live in one of these retirement places and as of now do not need any assistance but home help is always available .
> I may need after I get the thumb done .View attachment 203787
> View attachment 203786
> 
> So that's my tuppence worth.......


That same kind of apt. building or complex sounds exactly like my cuppa instead of a retirement (here they usually call it "independent living) community. There's a mobile home park here--I'd prefer an apartment complex since most mobile home parks here aren't within walking distance of anything--but this one mobile home park's policy is "working and retired adults only." A co-worker's mother lived there and loved it; there was one tenant who was in his early 20s and everyone in the place adored him; his only vehicle was a motorcycle which he considerately walked without the motor on at all in and out of the park so he wouldn't disturb the other tenants; he and some of the still-working tenants were friendly and helpful when they weren't at work; just a really nice mix. It can be hard to find a place like that but if you can, it can really be a great place to live. I hope you can find something you like better; I wish the best for you.


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## Mizmo

officerripley said:


> .....It can be hard to find a place like that but if you can, it can really be a great place to live. I hope you can find something you like better; I wish the best for you.


 Oh  I think you misunderstand I am not looking  for something better. I live in that building


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## officerripley

Mizmo said:


> Oh  I think you misunderstand I am not looking  for something better. I live in that building


Oh, I know, I was thinking about the OP and was hoping she could find something better. I'm envious of you and your situation; wish I could talk my huzz into a place like that, sigh.


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## Packerjohn

Tara said:


> Hi.  I am a 75 year old woman just joined a retirement  community.   Most people here are about 85. And on walkers.  They are nice enough. But it is a little sad and depressing.  I look young for my age. And they think it is a big deal because I wear makeup.  The black maids do not like me.  Some people resent me here.   It is for62  and up.  Nonprofit continue g care.  I am pretty healthy and in independent living. I keep wondering where the people in their  60;s. And 70s are.
> It is like twilight zone here.  I think I should be in the 55 age and up age range.
> 
> The place is pretty and hi tech though.  I have a nice apartment and tv .it is pa.  It is so hard after losing my house and my brother.


I hear you loud and clear.  I too live in a 55 plus apartment.  The place was built 10 years ago and it is full of "little ole' ladies" in their 80s.  Walkers are a dime a dozen.  Everyone has one.  I'm 75 and I look like a spring chicken around here.  I walk the hallways 5 days/week and try not to scare the ladies as they are pushing their walkers along.  I wouldn't worry if some people don't like you.  They probably don't like themselves.


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## bowmore

HarryHawk said:


> I think it depends on where in the lifecycle a community happens to be.  We are looking forward to moving into a brand new, yet to be built senior community.  There have been a number of mixers at which we met many of our future neighbors.  The folks all seem to be in their late 60's or early 70's.
> 
> Of course, since most if not all intend to make this their last move, 10 or 15 years from now most of the community will be mid to late 80's (God willing). They will have spent the elapsed 10 or 15 years forming their circle of friends.  Someone younger moving in might not be able to quickly fit into the then existing community.
> 
> In many existing communities, the only time there is an opening is when one of the old existing residents pass.


This was true in my mom's case. She moved into her FLA condo in the mid 70's when it was new. As time passed, and as the original owners passed away, she had less and less interaction with the new people, who were quite a bit younger.


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## Alligatorob

Aneeda72 said:


> I also use a walker. . It‘s where I hide my condoms.


I'll never see a walker the same way again!


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## Liberty

Lavinia said:


> One of the problems with  being surrounded by less able people is that they expect you to do things for them...such as shopping. Take care or they will quickly take you for granted.
> You have the security of being in a community but at the same time you want to be independant. Think of your home as being just somewhere to live and make a social life outside the complex. Don't restrict yourself to  life inside the community....I'm sure you are under no obligation to do so.


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## Manatee

If you wait long enough, you will become one of those "old people" for better or worse.  I am 87 and had some experience with that.


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## JB in SC

There was an article about small house mixed age communities (IIRC, in the PNW), younger residents helping older residents, older residents helping younger residents. Both age groups can benefit from each other's knowledge.

The "working and retired adults only" mentioned by @officerripley sounds like a pretty good idea.


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## Mizmo

There is a difference , at least here in Canada, between Retirement Residences( big bucks) and Retirement Communities (known as Senior Buildings). ...more affordable but you have to get on a waiting list and that can take a very long time as people have to die off  or go in to long term care before there is a vacancy.

It is still possible as I explained previously to live in regular apartment building with all the mod cons..like, gyms, saunas, party rooms BBq's etc to enjoy and I think one should until it reaches that point where the normal chores of living become somewhat tough.

 I use a walker and there really is no problem with them as the doors are automatically geared to open on approach. The younger people in my building enjoy all that too as they have shopping carts to manipulate and not all young people are 100% fit.   We , the older ones , are happy to have assistance offered if necessary by the younger tenants and they are happy to do it.

just my tuppence worth..


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## dseag2

JB in SC said:


> There was an article about small house mixed age communities (IIRC, in the PNW), younger residents helping older residents, older residents helping younger residents. Both age groups can benefit from each other's knowledge.
> 
> The "working and retired adults only" mentioned by @officerripley sounds like a pretty good idea.


Yes, there are already established organizations matching up younger and older people.  I also think it is a good idea.

https://www.multiculturalcaregiving.net/elderly-roommates/


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## Georgiagranny

Tara said:


> *The black maids do not like me.  Some people resent me here.  *


_*Whaaaat?  *_ What about the _*white *_maids? Do _*they*_ like you?

Some people resent you? Sounds more like you resent them because they don't wear makeup and they use walkers. Oh. And maybe because they're POC.

Doesn't sound like a good fit. If you haven't bought your apartment, perhaps you should look for a place more in keeping with what you view as your Station in Life.


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## GAlady

Hi Tara.  I am also 75 and have been living in an assisted living for a year.  Not bragging, but I ama young looking 75 and do get attention.  So far I am 75% happy.  I am in good health, walk outside about 4 miles everyday.  My apartment is nice and the facility is upgrade too.  Most everyone here is in their 80’s, a few in 90’s and one who just turned 100.  There  are about 10 my age.  I am close with only about five or six who are without walkers.  I have no one who can walk with me.  It does get depressing sometimes when someone dies or gets sicker.

I am thinking about buying a car so I can get out more on my own when and where I want.  I now depend on my daughters and Grandchildren for transportation.  I cannot stand waiting for someone to pick me up, on their schedule.

Cold weather has depressed me.  I am hoping my mood will be more upbeat when spring arrives.  But I do think I will seriously think about moving to a more younger community soon.


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## richard_saunders

Tara said:


> Hi.  I am a 75 year old woman just joined a retirement  community.   Most people here are about 85. And on walkers.  They are nice enough. But it is a little sad and depressing.  I look young for my age. And they think it is a big deal because I wear makeup.  The black maids do not like me.  Some people resent me here.   It is for62  and up.  Nonprofit continue g care.  I am pretty healthy and in independent living. I keep wondering where the people in their  60;s. And 70s are.
> It is like twilight zone here.  I think I should be in the 55 age and up age range.
> 
> The place is pretty and hi tech though.  I have a nice apartment and tv .it is pa.  It is so hard after losing my house and my brother.


Sounds like high school!


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## Pepper

I miss Tara


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## Leann

I thought I knew how I'd like to spend my golden years (if I'm blessed to live that long). I assumed it would be in a retirement community that had multi-level care... independent living all the way to end of life. What I had not realized was that there are many different flavors and highly variable costs. So I began doing some research albeit not exhaustive, yet. But what I knew from the onset was that I had to be true to who I am which is someone who would not fit well in a community that was too high energy and interactive (I'm an introvert) but would does enjoy the company of others periodically. 

I limited my research to places on the east coast of the US since that is where most of my family are and there were no shortage of options. The one that I truly think would be wonderful is too far from anything I can afford but since I hope to not have to move for at least 10 years (I'm currently 66), I leave open the option for a financial windfall  between now and then.


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## bingo

Pepper said:


> I miss Tara


where'd  she go?


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## Pepper

Only came to start this thread apparently @bingo


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## Lewkat

I think she had some other threads about her brother and her sharing a house.  That was awhile back, so I am not certain what that was all about.


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## GAlady

richard_saunders said:


> Sounds like high school!


Exactly like high school.  I hadn’t thought about my situation like that.  Here in my assisted living, there are little cliques and more popular ones.  The staff has their favorite residents.  We have one lady who plays games and drama with everyone.  Some get jealous when they don’t get their picture on our Facebook site.  Some are toxic.  You just have to stay away from them.  Yep, just like high school.


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## Packerjohn

Manatee said:


> If you wait long enough, you will become one of those "old people" for better or worse.  I am 87 and had some experience with that.


Yes, I hear you loud and clear.  They say getting old is not for the sissies and they also say don't complain about getting old because there are many who never made it to your age.


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## Giantsfan1954

An old adage from a nursing home:
“Once an adult, twice a child”
Think about it...


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## Tara

bingo said:


> where'd


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## Tara

Hi. You guys are great.     I am doing okay.   This retirement community is really a nice place.  It is hard to make close friends though.  I do not like crowds.  I do not drive .   I have no family left and my friends are gone.  I have only 2 ladies  outside  the building  in my town who are friends and they help me out a lot.
I would like to have  some friends in my town to go out for dinner sometimes. Some social life. My town is not far from here.
Life seems pretty empty. 
I did not see a  place for 55. and over.  I do not think moving  would be good.   I will always miss my brother.


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## Pepper

I'd rather live where there are children and young families and mixture of ages & races.  I love seeing children as often as possible!  Brings out the kid in me.  Want you to be well Tara and glad you checked in!


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## Meanderer

Life has caught you by surprise....the trick is to surprise Life back!  Give it time, wear a smile and be as friendly as you can.  Do not complain out loud, and you will find others, regardless of their age, are in the same boat as you.  Enjoy the life you have.


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## timoc

*I could do with a maid too*, someone to sit on my knee, and share punnets of grapes and Snicker bars with me, and turn the pages of my book. 
It's not going to happen, so I'll just have another snooze.


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## Packerjohn

Tabby Ann said:


> What is pa???


Maybe "pa" is hillbilly slang for father.  Like, "ma & pa" Kettle; if you can remember that far back?


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## Packerjohn

GAlady said:


> Hi Tara.  I am also 75 and have been living in an assisted living for a year.  Not bragging, but I ama young looking 75 and do get attention.  So far I am 75% happy.  I am in good health, walk outside about 4 miles everyday.  My apartment is nice and the facility is upgrade too.  Most everyone here is in their 80’s, a few in 90’s and one who just turned 100.  There  are about 10 my age.  I am close with only about five or six who are without walkers.  I have no one who can walk with me.  It does get depressing sometimes when someone dies or gets sicker.
> 
> I am thinking about buying a car so I can get out more on my own when and where I want.  I now depend on my daughters and Grandchildren for transportation.  I cannot stand waiting for someone to pick me up, on their schedule.
> 
> Cold weather has depressed me.  I am hoping my mood will be more upbeat when spring arrives.  But I do think I will seriously think about moving to a more younger community soon.


Like GAlady, I am also 75 and live among a lot of "elderly" mostly ladies.  It can be depressing.  This week 3 ambulances arrived here to pick up the locals and take them away.  I'm not kidding:  1 on Monday morning, another on Wednesday morning and a 3rd one on Thursday late afternoon.  That is only those that I see because there is no way I see all the ambulances all the time.  Furthermore, I live in the middle of Canada where we are now "enjoying" awful cold weather and howling winds.  If that done get you, try to look at all the people wearing masks all day, masked people on the news and masked people in the newspapers.  It's kind of tough for me because I remember better times "living it up" 2 winters in Port Isabel, Texas and 2 winters in  Mexico.  Those were the days: shorts, sandals and cheap rum.  

Now, it's blizzards, freezing cold, howling winds and masked bandits with no smiles.  Even to see a frown would be nice.  I'm starting to get chest pains and I think it from the stressful situation I have to live in.  I hope I make it to spring and then I hope I'll be better.  They say everything ends sooner or later.  This can't end for me soon enough.


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## officerripley

Packerjohn said:


> Maybe "pa" is hillbilly slang for father.  Like, "ma & pa" Kettle; if you can remember that far back?


As I said above, maybe it's Pennsylvania?


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## Tara

officerripley said:


> As I said above, maybe it's Pennsylvania?


Yes I am in Pennsylvania.  I had no where to go without friends or family. So I was able to get a grant from this upscale senior community complex.  The studio apartment  is great though . It is spacious and pretty.
I would rather have a regular apartment but I was afraid that the money my brother left me would run out and I would have to go a nursing home  later on.   I have a very small social security check.   It is nonprofit here and they will keep you.
I would like some friends outside in my town  (which is close) to go to dinner with .


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## Autumn72

Georgiagranny said:


> _*Whaaaat?  *_ What about the _*white *_maids? Do _*they*_ like you?
> 
> Some people resent you? Sounds more like you resent them because they don't wear makeup and they use walkers. Oh. And maybe because they're POC.
> 
> Doesn't sound like a good fit. If you haven't bought your apartment, perhaps you should look for a place more in keeping with what you view as your Station in Life.


I think I know what she means about not being ready to be older than she feels and looks.
I found living Here where I am now the oldest I NEED THE help as in the Merry Maids.


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## Liberty

Packerjohn said:


> Like GAlady, I am also 75 and live among a lot of "elderly" mostly ladies.  It can be depressing.  This week 3 ambulances arrived here to pick up the locals and take them away.  I'm not kidding:  1 on Monday morning, another on Wednesday morning and a 3rd one on Thursday late afternoon.  That is only those that I see because there is no way I see all the ambulances all the time.  Furthermore, I live in the middle of Canada where we are now "enjoying" awful cold weather and howling winds.  If that done get you, try to look at all the people wearing masks all day, masked people on the news and masked people in the newspapers.  It's kind of tough for me because I remember better times "living it up" 2 winters in Port Isabel, Texas and 2 winters in  Mexico.  Those were the days: shorts, sandals and cheap rum.
> 
> Now, it's blizzards, freezing cold, howling winds and masked bandits with no smiles.  Even to see a frown would be nice.  I'm starting to get chest pains and I think it from the stressful situation I have to live in.  I hope I make it to spring and then I hope I'll be better.  They say everything ends sooner or later.  This can't end for me soon enough.


Why don't you consider moving back to Texas?


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## Packerjohn

Liberty said:


> Why don't you consider moving back to Texas?


Sometimes you just can't go back.  The Times have changed.  Texas is still there but I'm not the same person and when your spouse passes on, things change a lot whether you want them to change or not.


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## win231

timoc said:


> *I could do with a maid too*, someone to sit on my knee, and share punnets of grapes and Snicker bars with me, and turn the pages of my book.
> It's not going to happen, so I'll just have another snooze.


Well, now I know what a _punnet _is.,


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## Tish

I consider aging a privilege not a right.
As with everything in life you get what you put into it.
Try Enjoying yourself rather than viewing the older residents as depressing, I assure you they each have their own story and were once younger too.


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## Autumn72

Why put all in a pail of same should be mixed tenants I think might help another move to warmer weather


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## JMummey

Tara said:


> Hi.  I am a 75 year old woman just joined a retirement  community.   Most people here are about 85. And on walkers.  They are nice enough. But it is a little sad and depressing.  I look young for my age. And they think it is a big deal because I wear makeup.  The black maids do not like me.  Some people resent me here.   It is for62  and up.  Nonprofit continue g care.  I am pretty healthy and in independent living. I keep wondering where the people in their  60;s. And 70s are.
> It is like twilight zone here.  I think I should be in the 55 age and up age range.
> 
> The place is pretty and hi tech though.  I have a nice apartment and tv .it is pa.  It is so hard after losing my house and my brother.


I am so sorry, my mom is experiencing this same issue with the places we are touring for future placement.  You being there and being vibrant brings joy whether you realize it or not.  I hope you can find some positives in activities that interest you.  Right now we are focusing on crafting, reading good books and attending zoom events online (makeup tutorials, bingo, book clubs, etc).  Sending you our best from North Carolina!


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## Trish

Of course, if you have reached a stage in your life when your needs are better met in a retirement community, then it seems a sensible thing to do but, to be honest, I don't think I would be happy in one myself.  A question for you, if I may.  When you moved into accommodation for older people, did it make you feel older?


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## DaveA

Lewkat said:


> Someday in the not to distant future, you to will be 85.


We've already :aged out" , Lewcat.  I'm 88  and I seem to think that we're close in age.  We're supposed be gone by now.


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## Lewkat

DaveA said:


> We've already :aged out" , Lewcat.  I'm 88  and I seem to think that we're close in age.  We're supposed be gone by now.


So they say, but we do soldier on, do we not?  I turned 89 last month and am even surprised at myself.


----------



## spectratg

Lewkat said:


> So they say, but we do soldier on, do we not?  I turned 89 last month and am even surprised at myself.


Yea it's all relative!  I moved to a retirement community last year at age 75 (now 76), just like Tara in the original post.  And the average age here is about 80.  No whether where or when you are at in this journey of life, try to make every day count if you can.


----------



## StarSong

Wherever people are they bring themselves along.  

That was never clearer to me than when my mother (and a few years later my FIL) were in assisted living. Despite huge life changes from having lived alone in large houses they both remained who they'd always been - friendly, happy, gracious people who were big on "please and thank you," and "How are_ you_ today?"


----------



## RadishRose

GAlady said:


> Cold weather has depressed me.


Maybe it's because the cold keeps you inside too much? If so, you could be in need of some Vitamin D. It can help your mood. Also light therapy, ask your doctor.  Hope you feel better soon.


----------



## Sunny

I live in a "senior" community, for ages 55 and older.  I wouldn't call it a retirement community, as some of the younger residents are still working. And yes, there are plenty of really old folks here, some of whom act like "old folks" and some who don't.

Yesterday, I spent part of the day teaching a friend and neighbor how to play Wordle. She is nearly blind and has hearing difficulties as well; that doesn't slow her down at all.  She has a computer with a very large font and a special keyboard, and she manages electronics, exercise, etc. Within one day she's already beaten me at the game. 

Today, I'm driving two residents to a Gilbert & Sullivan performance at a nearby town, as we're all fans. Those who have stopped driving find ways to get around anyway.

It seems to be up to the individual whether they want to spend the rest of their life kvetching about their medical symptoms, or anything else... or find ways to continue enjoying life.  One suggestion is to engage in activities that are likely to attract people who are mentally and physically active. We have many sports and exercise activities here, walking clubs, performance groups, etc. We also have a writers' club, where they bring their own creative writing to share every two weeks.  And many book clubs.  Our political groups are very active. We have a couple of news publications to read and write for.  We have a residents' library, where some people enjoy working as volunteers.  There's a computer room and a gym. And there's an art studio, a ceramics room, and endless table games such as bridge, scrabble, chess, mah jong, canasta, and others.  That's just scratching the surface.

Try different activities that are available in your community, or start your own if necessary. (If you build it, they will come!) You may be surprised at how many kindred spirits there are where you live, who are not ready to cave in to old age yet. (Chronological age doesn't matter at all.)


----------



## Georgiagranny

@Sunny Thank you for this! If I could love it multiple times, I would Ha. I did!


----------



## officerripley

Sunny said:


> I live in a "senior" community, for ages 55 and older.  I wouldn't call it a retirement community, as some of the younger residents are still working. And yes, there are plenty of really old folks here, some of whom act like "old folks" and some who don't.
> 
> Yesterday, I spent part of the day teaching a friend and neighbor how to play Wordle. She is nearly blind and has hearing difficulties as well; that doesn't slow her down at all.  She has a computer with a very large font and a special keyboard, and she manages electronics, exercise, etc. Within one day she's already beaten me at the game.
> 
> Today, I'm driving two residents to a Gilbert & Sullivan performance at a nearby town, as we're all fans. Those who have stopped driving find ways to get around anyway.
> 
> It seems to be up to the individual whether they want to spend the rest of their life kvetching about their medical symptoms, or anything else... or find ways to continue enjoying life.  One suggestion is to engage in activities that are likely to attract people who are mentally and physically active. We have many sports and exercise activities here, walking clubs, performance groups, etc. We also have a writers' club, where they bring their own creative writing to share every two weeks.  And many book clubs.  Our political groups are very active. We have a couple of news publications to read and write for.  We have a residents' library, where some people enjoy working as volunteers.  There's a computer room and a gym. And there's an art studio, a ceramics room, and endless table games such as bridge, scrabble, chess, mah jong, canasta, and others.  That's just scratching the surface.
> 
> Try different activities that are available in your community, or start your own if necessary. (If you build it, they will come!) You may be surprised at how many kindred spirits there are where you live, who are not ready to cave in to old age yet. (Chronological age doesn't matter at all.)


It sounds wonderful!


----------



## Kika

Sunny said:


> I live in a "senior" community, for ages 55 and older.  I wouldn't call it a retirement community, as some of the younger residents are still working. And yes, there are plenty of really old folks here, some of whom act like "old folks" and some who don't.
> 
> Yesterday, I spent part of the day teaching a friend and neighbor how to play Wordle. She is nearly blind and has hearing difficulties as well; that doesn't slow her down at all.  She has a computer with a very large font and a special keyboard, and she manages electronics, exercise, etc. Within one day she's already beaten me at the game.
> 
> Today, I'm driving two residents to a Gilbert & Sullivan performance at a nearby town, as we're all fans. Those who have stopped driving find ways to get around anyway.
> 
> It seems to be up to the individual whether they want to spend the rest of their life kvetching about their medical symptoms, or anything else... or find ways to continue enjoying life.  One suggestion is to engage in activities that are likely to attract people who are mentally and physically active. We have many sports and exercise activities here, walking clubs, performance groups, etc. We also have a writers' club, where they bring their own creative writing to share every two weeks.  And many book clubs.  Our political groups are very active. We have a couple of news publications to read and write for.  We have a residents' library, where some people enjoy working as volunteers.  There's a computer room and a gym. And there's an art studio, a ceramics room, and endless table games such as bridge, scrabble, chess, mah jong, canasta, and others.  That's just scratching the surface.
> 
> Try different activities that are available in your community, or start your own if necessary. (If you build it, they will come!) You may be surprised at how many kindred spirits there are where you live, who are not ready to cave in to old age yet. (Chronological age doesn't matter at all.)


Thank you for this. I will be moving to an Over 55 apartment community at the end of this year.
It is a big step for me, but I need to be closer to my son & his family.  I have heard some not so nice stories, but I got a nice vibe visiting the one where I'll be moving to.  I hope it is as nice and as friendly as yours.


----------



## Pepper

Kika said:


> Thank you for this. I will be moving to an Over 55 apartment community at the end of this year.
> It is a big step for me, but I need to be closer to my son & his family.  I have heard some not so nice stories, but I got a nice vibe visiting the one where I'll be moving to.  I hope it is as nice and as friendly as yours.


As a fellow NYer Kika, may I ask where your new place is located?  INY, btw.


----------



## Kika

Pepper said:


> As a fellow NYer Kika, may I ask where your new place is located?  INY, btw.


It's in a suburb of Scranton, Pa.   I have never lived outside of NYC so a big move for me.
I also NY.


----------



## Pepper

Best of luck @Kika!  I'll stay here to keep you updated!


----------



## RadishRose

Kika said:


> It's in a suburb of Scranton, Pa.   I have never lived outside of NYC so a big move for me.
> I also NY.


Both my parents were born in Scranton. I used to visit some cousins and aunts there years ago. I remember people being friendly there. Good luck with your move, @Kika!


----------



## Kika

Pepper said:


> Best of luck @Kika!  I'll stay here to keep you updated!


Thanks!!


----------



## Sunny

Good luck, Kika.  Interesting factoid:  I once conducted a poll for our local paper, asking, "What was the primary reason you moved here?"  Overwhelmingly, the answer was "To be near my son/daughter/children/grandkids, etc."


----------



## Kika

Sunny said:


> Good luck, Kika.  Interesting factoid:  I once conducted a poll for our local paper, asking, "What was the primary reason you moved here?"  Overwhelmingly, the answer was "To be near my son/daughter/children/grandkids, etc."


I can certainly believe that.  I'm the last member of my family to stay in NY.  Now all of my friends have left too (mostly to be near family, but they were all transplants anyway).  I'm getting up there and while people say I look and act younger, the fact of my age remains.  If I become sick, or need help, it will be easier on the kids, grandkids, if I'm not several hours away.  Better now than if/when a crisis hits.  And Thank You for your kind wishes.


----------



## Jules

A friend of mine is moving from DT Toronto, where he grew up, to a smaller, nearby city.  His only living relatives told him to move close to them while he still can.  He has embraced the move to the senior community and feels so much more secure.


----------



## Kika

RadishRose said:


> Both my parents were born in Scranton. I used to visit some cousins and aunts there years ago. I remember people being friendly there. Good luck with your move, @Kika!


Thank you @RadishRose


----------



## RadishRose

Kika said:


> Thank you @RadishRose


You're most welcome, @Kika .


----------



## officerripley

RadishRose said:


> Both my parents were born in Scranton. I used to visit some cousins and aunts there years ago. I remember people being friendly there. Good luck with your move, @Kika!


I visited Scranton years ago where my ex-huzz's had family and also found the people to be friendly.


----------



## Autumn72

Kika said:


> Thank you for this. I will be moving to an Over 55 apartment community at the end of this year.
> It is a big step for me, but I need to be closer to my son & his family.  I have heard some not so nice stories, but I got a nice vibe visiting the one where I'll be moving to.  I hope it is as nice and as friendly as yours.


Did you move or plan to from where you live now and plan to move to a new area to have family closer?
How did you plan these steps for I too am too alone and far from anyone I gave birth to.
I well, my stupidity made me put all my eggs into my offspring before disaster took over.
Which, leaves me in total isolation, mostly for 8 years hoping one would popup.
Or would call, write, send a card with return address, text, email, or simply ask to see me or invite me to their holidays, as in xmas, bdays, anniversaries, Thanksgiving, mother's days, or a weekend getaway.
OK, I think I've  covered the whole thing 
.hope does not hear, neither wishes or letter writing with sincere heart wrenching  cries of requests to see them.
Forgive me all, for belly aching, for the people who are living high off the hog too far removed from the levels of ever connecting to the Senior Forum because they are above the fact of being parted by their own losses  too well off to care.


----------



## Kika

Oh, Autumn that is so sad.  But I have heard the same several times from people who live in my apartment building.  I have 3 children.  One passed away in recent months and lived on the West Coast.  The oldest lives in NYC but I never hear from him.  My youngest and his family have been after me to move closer since I retired 3 yrs ago.  I just was not ready to leave the city.  

He wanted to build a guest house, or a separate extension onto his house for me to live, as I stated I would never live with them, it is just too close.  Again, I declined.  My daughter-in-law found 3 places, one was a regular apartment complex, and 2 were over 55 communities.  We went to see all of them, and my preference was one of the Over55 places.    which is about 25 miles from where they live.

My lease here is up in January 2023.  I am on a waiting list for the apartment that I want.  If it is not yet available by January, everything will go into storage, and I will stay with my son for hopefully a very short while.  The other option is that I take a smaller apartment, if it is available around that time, and move into the larger one in the same complex later.

I am not sure what this means:  Would you like to elaborate?
*I well, my stupidity made me put all my eggs into my offspring before disaster took over.
Which, leaves me in total isolation, mostly for 8 years hoping one would popup.*

I hope you have some good friends or neighbors that can help you when needed.  Isolation is not good (I had a hard time with that during Covid lockdown) and everyone needs some good human interaction.


----------



## MickaC

deleted


----------



## Georgiagranny

@Autumn72 You have us! We're invisipeeps, but we're here, and we care.

@Kika After DH died, my kids pressured me/convinced me that moving here was the best thing to do. There were times when I thought it was the dumbest thing I ever did..._but _13 years later I'll admit that they were right.

I live in what I call The Hovel, a "granny flat" built behind DD's garage but still attached to their house. The Hovel has a separate entrance, full kitchen, tiny bedroom with a walk-in closet, equally tiny sitting room, full bath, even a small storage room. It's completely self-contained but with a connecting door for access to their back hall leading to a laundry room, then their house. Hey, I even have a teeny, tiny patio outside my door. I joke that The Hovel is so small that I go outside to change my mind. The whole place is just under 300sf. Thank heaven my brother designed it for the maximum efficient use of space!

DD/DSIL/g'kids always knock before coming in.

Now that I'm 13 years older and have given away my car, being here is helpful and convenient. DD takes me to and picks me up from work every day, takes me to medical appointments, bank, wherever I need to go. We do our grocery and other shopping together either on Sunday or Monday, my days off.

What I'm saying is that you might want to reconsider rejecting your son's offer to build a place for you at their house. If you do, just make sure that the ground rules for your living there are firm and understood by all. That is, you'll respect their space and their privacy and they will do the same for you.

I paid to have The Hovel built (at cost by one of my brothers, a residential contractor) so there's no rent, but I do give DD money every month for a share of the utilities, groceries, gas.

When DD and I communicate, it's usually via text because The Hovel is ground level on the west side of their house, and DD works from home...her office is upstairs on the east side. Too darned far to hike through the house and up the stairs to talk!

So...at 81 I don't worry about living alone, about getting sick with no one around to help, and if I feel lonely, there's almost always somebody home "next door".

Best thing? Their home is on a corner lot of a cul-de-sac and the back/side yards amount to almost a quarter acre that's mine to do with as I wish. The street side is wooded and left natural, but the rest is a sprawling flower garden that keeps me busy nine months of the year.

Do I wish I could live in a little house by myself? Yes. As my daddy used to say "Wish in one hand, sh!t in the other and see which one gets full first!"  Would living alone be practical as I age? No.


----------



## Kika

Georgiagranny said:


> @Autumn72 You have us! We're invisipeeps, but we're here, and we care.
> 
> @Kika After DH died, my kids pressured me/convinced me that moving here was the best thing to do. There were times when I thought it was the dumbest thing I ever did..._but _13 years later I'll admit that they were right.
> 
> I live in what I call The Hovel, a "granny flat" built behind DD's garage but still attached to their house. The Hovel has a separate entrance, full kitchen, tiny bedroom with a walk-in closet, equally tiny sitting room, full bath, even a small storage room. It's completely self-contained but with a connecting door for access to their back hall leading to a laundry room, then their house. Hey, I even have a teeny, tiny patio outside my door. I joke that The Hovel is so small that I go outside to change my mind. The whole place is just under 300sf. Thank heaven my brother designed it for the maximum efficient use of space!
> 
> DD/DSIL/g'kids always knock before coming in.
> 
> Now that I'm 13 years older and have given away my car, being here is helpful and convenient. DD takes me to and picks me up from work every day, takes me to medical appointments, bank, wherever I need to go. We do our grocery and other shopping together either on Sunday or Monday, my days off.
> 
> What I'm saying is that you might want to reconsider rejecting your son's offer to build a place for you at their house. If you do, just make sure that the ground rules for your living there are firm and understood by all. That is, you'll respect their space and their privacy and they will do the same for you.
> 
> I paid to have The Hovel built (at cost by one of my brothers, a residential contractor) so there's no rent, but I do give DD money every month for a share of the utilities, groceries, gas.
> 
> When DD and I communicate, it's usually via text because The Hovel is ground level on the west side of their house, and DD works from home...her office is upstairs on the east side. Too darned far to hike through the house and up the stairs to talk!
> 
> So...at 81 I don't worry about living alone, about getting sick with no one around to help, and if I feel lonely, there's almost always somebody home "next door".
> 
> Best thing? Their home is on a corner lot of a cul-de-sac and the back/side yards amount to almost a quarter acre that's mine to do with as I wish. The street side is wooded and left natural, but the rest is a sprawling flower garden that keeps me busy nine months of the year.
> 
> Do I wish I could live in a little house by myself? Yes. As my daddy used to say "Wish in one hand, sh!t in the other and see which one gets full first!"  Would living alone be practical as I age? No.


Wow!  That sounds just perfect!  Everything has worked out so well for you.  

I did consider the possibility of building the addition or guest house on their property.  The live in a very rural area.  Very isolated.  I would be going into a suburban area, and hopefully, in an over55 community, I might have people around with common interests.  Such as Scrabble, Wordle, New York Times crossword & Spelling Bee, a book club etc.  My son said he would "even" play scrabble with me if I moved with his family.

My daughter-in-law's mother lived with them for probably close to 2 years before she died.  She was still in her own house when she got sick and could not be alone.  There was no time to think things through.  She was only 67.  

I sold my house already, It was too big for just the two of us, and I was tired of commuting. I am 75, my husband died 8 years ago but I was still working and retired in early 2019. I traveled a lot and came home from my last trip exactly 5 days before lockdown in 2020.  

I will be renting in the over55 community, so things could change. Your arrangement sounds perfect, together but independent.  The best of both worlds.  I will certainly keep your living arrangements in the back of my mind.  I'm so happy it all worked out for you.


----------



## Autumn72

Those houses are called mother-in - law cottage 
I had mention it to a cousin who lives in Texas, her and her hubby have a house. 
And a daughter soon to restart college.
Yet, nit a answer to the idea.
Her mom and dad are in heaven 
Why I thought if she might be interested in 5he idea  they are in their late 50s 
Too much to ask for.
I too would have helped, better than a nursing home.


----------



## StarSong

Kika said:


> I can certainly believe that.  I'm the last member of my family to stay in NY.  Now all of my friends have left too (mostly to be near family, but they were all transplants anyway).  I'm getting up there and while people say I look and act younger, the fact of my age remains.  If I become sick, or need help, it will be easier on the kids, grandkids, if I'm not several hours away.  Better now than if/when a crisis hits.  And Thank You for your kind wishes.


DH & I are unlikely to consider moving very far for the same reasons.  In a nutshell, our children are all close by and we're not getting any younger.  

When our house gets to be too much for us, we'll move to something smaller in the same general area.


----------



## RadishRose

Georgiagranny said:


> @Autumn72 You have us! We're invisipeeps, but we're here, and we care.
> 
> @Kika After DH died, my kids pressured me/convinced me that moving here was the best thing to do. There were times when I thought it was the dumbest thing I ever did..._but _13 years later I'll admit that they were right.
> 
> I live in what I call The Hovel, a "granny flat" built behind DD's garage but still attached to their house. The Hovel has a separate entrance, full kitchen, tiny bedroom with a walk-in closet, equally tiny sitting room, full bath, even a small storage room. It's completely self-contained but with a connecting door for access to their back hall leading to a laundry room, then their house. Hey, I even have a teeny, tiny patio outside my door. I joke that The Hovel is so small that I go outside to change my mind. The whole place is just under 300sf. Thank heaven my brother designed it for the maximum efficient use of space!
> 
> DD/DSIL/g'kids always knock before coming in.
> 
> Now that I'm 13 years older and have given away my car, being here is helpful and convenient. DD takes me to and picks me up from work every day, takes me to medical appointments, bank, wherever I need to go. We do our grocery and other shopping together either on Sunday or Monday, my days off.
> 
> What I'm saying is that you might want to reconsider rejecting your son's offer to build a place for you at their house. If you do, just make sure that the ground rules for your living there are firm and understood by all. That is, you'll respect their space and their privacy and they will do the same for you.
> 
> I paid to have The Hovel built (at cost by one of my brothers, a residential contractor) so there's no rent, but I do give DD money every month for a share of the utilities, groceries, gas.
> 
> When DD and I communicate, it's usually via text because The Hovel is ground level on the west side of their house, and DD works from home...her office is upstairs on the east side. Too darned far to hike through the house and up the stairs to talk!
> 
> So...at 81 I don't worry about living alone, about getting sick with no one around to help, and if I feel lonely, there's almost always somebody home "next door".
> 
> Best thing? Their home is on a corner lot of a cul-de-sac and the back/side yards amount to almost a quarter acre that's mine to do with as I wish. The street side is wooded and left natural, but the rest is a sprawling flower garden that keeps me busy nine months of the year.
> 
> Do I wish I could live in a little house by myself? Yes. As my daddy used to say "Wish in one hand, sh!t in the other and see which one gets full first!"  Would living alone be practical as I age? No.


It sounds like a great arrangement!


----------



## katlupe

RadishRose said:


> Both my parents were born in Scranton. I used to visit some cousins and aunts there years ago. I remember people being friendly there. Good luck with your move, @Kika!


My father was born in Scranton also!


----------



## RadishRose

katlupe said:


> My father was born in Scranton also!


PM coming to you @katlupe


----------



## Chet

Kika said:


> *It's in a suburb of Scranton, Pa. *  I have never lived outside of NYC so a big move for me.
> I also NY.


Glenmaura?


----------



## helenbacque

everyone here looks 85 and on walkers.​
Tara, behind every one of those walkers is a long and interesting life.  Get to know some of them.  You might be surprised.


----------



## win231

helenbacque said:


> everyone here looks 85 and on walkers.​
> Tara, behind every one of those walkers is a long and interesting life.  Get to know some of them.  You might be surprised.


Well, uh......except for those maids......


----------



## J-Kat

My hope and plan is to remain in my home for the rest of my days.  I am 72 and continue to be active, drive, prepare meals, do my own shopping, all housekeeping, etc.  I do hire someone to mow and take care of the yard.  The only negative is I have no family nearby.  No children.  Only a few friends who are so wrapped up in their own life and needs that we seldom talk anymore.  My neighbor has been nice to take me to appointments when it is not prudent to drive myself. If she cannot help there’s always Uber.  I just cannot imagine I would be content in assisted living facilities and following their regimented schedules but never say never as one doesn’t know what may be in store in the future.


----------



## mrstime

We live in a senior mobile home park. The problem living here is that we lose friends and neighbors too often. These days people don't seem to have funerals anymore. So it is hard to pay our respects, at the same time I am so glad that we aren't going to funerals all the time.


----------



## Kika

Chet said:


> Glenmaura?


No, not Glenmaura.  But in the same area. It's an active adult apartment complex.


----------



## Tara

I. Am   n. Independent.  living.   In.  A  high. Tech. Retirement. Community.  I am in a apartment. Complex.    This. Place. Has. Cottages. Too.  The problem  here is. That there is a maid   here  who. Takes. Things. From. My room.  She has taken. 2  folders with  important papers. In them. At. Different. Times.  Now. She. Has taken my. Wire. Charger. Adapter. For my laptop.  
They. Are. Aware. That she has taken. A folder.    But. Not the. Other things.  I am. Going. To. Call.  The office about it. 
She is. Just. Mean. And. Spiteful.     My. Laptop. Connector. Was on The. Couch.
They. Think. I. Do. Not belong. here because. I am. Youthful looking.


----------



## timoc

*I am a youthful*, debonair, and good looking 84.75 year old who occasionally fibs, far too young to live in those places, they're full of old people you know, and they f*rt a lot like me.


----------



## Tara

It wouldn't be so bad here if I had friends on the outside the building to go out with.   These grandmother's  go out with their families and have fun.  This community is not their whole world.  I only have 2 older ladies to help me and I don't see them too much.  They have their own family problems.   I do not drive.  Some people here do.  
There is resentment here because I am youthful looking  and most  look very old.do you think if I asked. M Y priest 
My hometown is only 5 miles away and I would like to have friends from there to go out out with.

Do you think if I asked my priest he ight know any ladies who are !lonely and want a friend?


----------



## Pepper

Since they (your friends) live only 5 miles away, can you call one who drives and invite her to lunch to talk about "old" times?  I think confiding this to your priest is a good idea.  Can't hurt!


----------



## Georgiagranny

Take driving lessons and get a car? Uber? Lyft?


----------



## horseless carriage

timoc said:


> *I am a youthful*, debonair, and good looking 84.75 year old who occasionally fibs, far too young to live in those places, they're full of old people you know, and they f*rt a lot like me.


That's OK, they fit you out in adult diapers that the staff euphemistically call, "the crap pads."
At least you can tell your friends, when they ask where you are, "Southampton's for the Continent, but I'm in Bournemouth, for the in-Continent."


----------



## StarSong

Tara said:


> It wouldn't be so bad here if I had friends on the outside the building to go out with.   These grandmother's  go out with their families and have fun.  This community is not their whole world.  I only have 2 older ladies to help me and I don't see them too much.  They have their own family problems.   I do not drive.  Some people here do.
> There is resentment here because I am youthful looking  and most  look very old.do you think if I asked. M Y priest
> My hometown is only 5 miles away and I would like to have friends from there to go out out with.
> 
> Do you think if I asked my priest he ight know any ladies who are !lonely and want a friend?


I'm a little confused.  It sounds like you don't actually have friends from your hometown that's five miles away and are hoping your priest can facilitate some meet-and-greets.  Am I getting that right?  If so, why not ask your priest if the church sponsors various social clubs or events for women?  Or for people in general?  Or if the community does?  Internet searches might help with that.    

My advice:  
If I were in your situation I'd stop worrying about areas where I don't fit in within your retirement community and figure out where I DO fit in.  So what if other residents are mostly 10 years older than you?  By the time people are over 70 they've had a wide range of interests and experiences, some of which you'd surely have in common.  

Unless you've aged better than Jane Fonda (who had plenty of help), other women are probably a whole lot less focused on your make-up and appearance than you are.  When I meet people roughly my age it doesn't dawn on me to consider whether they look more or less youthful than I do.  Close up, none of us in our late 60s and beyond look 22 anymore.  Or 32.  Or 42.  Or even 52.  

The best way to have a friend is to be a friend.  Be interested in what other people are doing and saying.  Join in your community's activities, even if they don't particularly interest you.  You don't have to love bingo, music trivia, jigsaw puzzles, various outings, walks around the block, bird watching, whatever, to participate.  Focus on the goal of connecting not the activity vehicle that gets you there.            

I wish you luck.


----------



## Pepper

StarSong said:


> Unless you've aged better than Jane Fonda (who had plenty of help), other women are probably a whole lot less focused on your make-up and appearance than you are.  When I meet people roughly my age it doesn't dawn on me to consider whether they look more or less youthful than I do. * Close up, none of us in our late 60s and beyond look 22 anymore.  Or 32.  Or 42.  Or even **52**.*


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## Georgiagranny

@StarSong Thank you! If I were better at expressing myself, it's precisely what I'd have said. @Tara appears to be so focused on what _isn't_ that she can't see what_ is_.

@Pepper LOL! You mean at 81+ I'm no longer youthful looking? Blue hair and tattoos haven't disguised me? I'm no longer a nubile young maiden? No longer a long-legged hard bod? I'm gonna join you


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