# Single Seniors - Are You Happier Being Single than Married?



## SeaBreeze (Apr 2, 2015)

Are there any single seniors here that are happier than when they were married? Are you content to live alone and stay that way for the rest of your life?  Those who never married, do you think that marrying someone would make you happier?

I've been married for a long time now, almost thirty nine years, and we lived together before that.  I'm happy in my marriage, but if anything happened to my husband, I think I would rather be single and on my own.  I doubt I'd have the desire for another serious relationship at all with another man.


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## Glinda (Apr 3, 2015)

Yes, I am much happier single.  I've been in a long term relationship for several years with a wonderful man.  We spend weekends together and travel together but don't live together.  I have no urge or ambition to marry him.  I like everything just fine the way it is.


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## Shalimar (Apr 3, 2015)

I never married, but had two long term live-in relationships, one with the father of my son. I have lived alone by choice for a long time, but there were lovers, on occasion. Still could be again. Marriage? I don't know, perhaps if I loved him enough, and that commitment was paramount to him, or we were of different nationalities and needed the paper for that reason.


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## AprilT (Apr 3, 2015)

I married once, been nearly married a couple of times since, I did break off an engagement two decades ago, I am happy with my status, my last relationship ended over two years ago, because, he wanted to take things to the next level and I didn't feel the same about him in that way, same with the one prior, not to say, I wouldn't be more with someone I felt a real deep connection, I just wasn't feeling a need to combine households with either men, nor marry.

To be honest, the only thing I miss is the sex, not the stay overs, I'm still friends with them both, one there never anything beyond kissing anyway,, I've known one for more than 10 years the other nearing 8.  Can't say I miss the friendship since I'm still friendly with both, I could call either of them and have long chats any time, problem is my last guy, won't come over unless I agree we're going to be a couple again and why should I lead him to believe we can be anything more than just friends.  I care for him and if he needed me for anything, I would be there for him, I just don't love him in that way that makes me long for him when he's not around.  He and I are such opposites, but, for some reason, he always gives this speech about how much alike we are, we're nothing alike.  I admit, I do miss him sometimes, if only he wouldn't push that love nonsense.  Sigh.

Do I get lonely, sometimes, but not for a romantic relationship, maybe a hug here and there and mostly for my platonic friends and family, but, every time I've tried doing the romance thing, it just never seems to work anymore, I have little patience for the whole dance of it all.

And before anyone jumps all over this, I'm not afraid of commitment, I'm just sure of what I don't want and am not desperate to be in a relationship with someone, I know for sure I will regret being in it with.  Plus I'm a grouch, I would have to be pleasant, and share the bathroom.  ack!


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## Shalimar (Apr 3, 2015)

April, you need a man with his own place--two bathrooms, meet there, leave your own place pristine!


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## Josiah (Apr 3, 2015)

Although I am not technically single (because my wife persists mute and immobile in a nursing home) I am experiencing living alone for the first time almost sixty years and I have been startled by the difference that truly being alone makes. I haven't entirely come to terms with it yet. I miss the fact that before I was always present in someones consciousness, I was in effect performing. Now there's no audience and it feels very different.


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## AprilT (Apr 3, 2015)

Shalimar said:


> April, you need a man with his own place--two bathrooms, meet there, leave your own place pristine!



Every man I know has his own place, can afford a house, one wanted to move to my area buy a house for us to live together, that's never been the issue.  The good thing, my last guy lives 3-4 hour drive away, otherwise it would have been a nightmare.  Plus, I don't drive, though he'd fly me or pay for me to travel to him.


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## Falcon (Apr 3, 2015)

Being unmarried doesn't mean you have to be alone.


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## Cookie (Apr 3, 2015)

I think I'm generally a happy person, regardless of marital status.  If I was in a miserable marriage, I'd change it or get out, but since I am not, then I am happy.


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## ndynt (Apr 3, 2015)

After being widowed, then divorced....I have remained alone for over 26 years.  Now that I am having more difficulty remaining independent, I question whether I should have thought about either having a relationship or remarrying.


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## Lon (Apr 3, 2015)

I am single now and have adjusted to it since my divorce. Although I enjoyed both marriages and was actually happier than being single I have no intention of getting into a serious relationship.


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## hollydolly (Apr 3, 2015)

ndynt said:


> After being widowed, then divorced....I have remained alone for over 26 years.  Now that I am having more difficulty remaining independent, I question whether I should have thought about either having a relationship or remarrying.



Yep that would be a concern I can understand that totally ND , particualrly if you have no close family who can be relied upon if you need some help ..


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## Temperance (Apr 3, 2015)

My late husband and I were married for 34 years and lived together 3 years before that.  Miss terribly the closeness we had.  In loss you not only lose your love, but also your best friend.
The past few years have been such a learning experience for me.  Would I remarry?  Learned along time never say never.  
At the  moment pretty content with my life as is.


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## AprilT (Apr 4, 2015)

Something weird happened the yesterday, a lady that I haven't a clue as to who the heck she is, sent a friend request to me on facebook, before I could decide if I want to accept that request, I messaged her to find out if we in some way actually knew each other.  This was the conversation.  I thought it was rather odd and thought, could I be so jaded that now when people do a search, for cynical, there's a picture of me with my name listed.  :lofl:

For the record, I love seeing people happy together, married or not, I highly approve of marriage and all things love.

=================================================================================



Me.......You sent a friend request to me, I appreciate it, but, do I know you from somewhere?


From person who sent friend request.......No probably not. I think your name showed up when I searched perils pearl and or cynical case? ?

Me.......That's about the funniest thing, I've heard, I haven't any idea, who any of those people are, but, I could see why my name might get associated with them.  Now I'm really curious and I've got some detective work to do to uncover this mystery.  LOL


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## Debby (Apr 4, 2015)

If my husband leaves before I do, I'll never remarry.  The whole 'dating' thing fills me with horror.

And April, that is a weird 'search' and result!  And that this total stranger would send you a friend request is bizarre.  Like why would she do that?


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## Debby (Apr 4, 2015)

ndynt said:


> After being widowed, then divorced....I have remained alone for over 26 years.  Now that I am having more difficulty remaining independent, I question whether I should have thought about either having a relationship or remarrying.




But even if you're married there's a pretty good chance you'll wind up alone anyway and in the meantime.....the question is, have you found some form of  happiness these 26 years?


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## AZ Jim (Apr 4, 2015)

Been married, divorced, married and I would hate being single again.  If I am I will do the best I can alone.


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## AprilT (Apr 4, 2015)

Debby said:


> If my husband leaves before I do, I'll never remarry.  The whole 'dating' thing fills me with horror.
> 
> And April, that is a weird 'search' and result!  And that this total stranger would send you a friend request is bizarre.  Like why would she do that?



I thought it was odd as well, Maybe she thought I was some how connected to the game or series she was looking up.  It's some kind of woman detective game or something and how my name came up in the search is beyond me.  I just thought the cynical part of the search though, was hilarious, especially thinking back to this thread, which is why I posted it here, thought maybe someone would get a kick out of it, but, maybe it's just me that thought it was funny and still do think so.


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## Josiah (Apr 4, 2015)

Shalimar said:


> April, you need a man with his own place--two bathrooms, meet there, leave your own place pristine!



Cripes Shalimar, you make us out as being worse than the family dog. . ."Honey go out and pee in the backyard will you"


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## Cookie (Apr 4, 2015)

I don't believe that marriage is a guarantee of happiness, any more than being rich is.  It's just a different lifestyle. Why do single people have to 'prove' that they are 'happy' and have to explain or justify not having a partner, as if it's some kind of disease or aberration?

I've met some very smug married people yet I don't for a minute believe, as they would like us to, that they are happier than single people are, although granted there are many happily married couples. People are just people living in different situations and circumstances.  I think the whole married good vs. unmarried bad mentality is just a remnant leftover from the days when women had no rights.


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## Cookie (Apr 4, 2015)

Josiah said:


> Cripes Shalimar, you make us out as being worse than the family dog. . ."Honey go out and pee in the backyard will you"



Josiah, you are of course aware of why there are stains around the toilets that never ever wash out?


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## AZ Jim (Apr 4, 2015)

I have to say my toilet habits do not include peeing on the floor.  I think  that is a dangerous stereotype.


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## ndynt (Apr 4, 2015)

Debby said:


> But even if you're married there's a pretty good chance you'll wind up alone anyway and in the meantime.....the question is, have you found some form of  happiness these 26 years?


That is really difficult to answer.  Not happy, yet not unhappy.  Content, is probably a better choice of words, in contrast to very unhappy when married.


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## AprilT (Apr 4, 2015)

Josiah said:


> Cripes Shalimar, you make us out as being worse than the family dog. . ."Honey go out and pee in the backyard will you"



Really, there's no need for it to be an insult, frankly my ex, was way neater than me, if anything, it was me he needed to worry abut leaving stains.  Woof, woof.  Plus, he had someone who came to clean his place and I guarantee you, that habit would continue if we moved in together, it was just that he took as long in the bathroom as I did.  But really, it was just a joke about sharing the bathroom.  None of it is all that serious to me.  

I agree with Cookie, a long marriage isn't a guarantee that everyone in it has been happy or is happy ever was all that happy by the union, some stay for convenience, or not to end up in financial ruin others stay because they adore each other or see no reason for an alternative make due and sacrifices for religious reasons or just love the one they're with and wouldn't be anywhere but with the person their with, just as some singles are perfectly happy, content, ecstatic and wouldn't have it any other way or perfectly miserable and envious and sad that they aren't joined at the hip and snuggled up with someone every night or vice versa from the married wishing to make the rounds instead.  But, married or not, there's no guarantees either way and no way to know who is living a fulfilled life, just by reading words on a message board, we only know what people say, true or not and take them at their word as far as that can take us and leave it at.


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## Josiah (Apr 4, 2015)

I always thought that married seniors could count on one another through thick and thin and that this was a major benefit of the married state. I see now that this hasn't always been the case for many of you and that's very disturbing. After many years together this person, your spouse, has given you a significant portion of his or her life, and for that a significant obligation is owed and it is ignoble not to honor this debt.


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## Cookie (Apr 4, 2015)

Thanks, April, please excuse the rant everyone. 

No harm intended Jim, from what my son tells me, it's about the splash residue factor from the middle of the bowl.


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## Josiah (Apr 4, 2015)

Actually a lot of older men with prostate problems tend to always sit down because their stream is so pathetic it can't be reliably directed. I'm in this group.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Apr 4, 2015)

I doubt that I'd marry again. I've gotten used to being alone, not that I like it, just used to it. Maybe if somebody came along who positively melted my bones, had his own income, his own car to drive and his own place to live, then I'd consider having him as a Gentleman Caller. Marriage? Probably not. For one thing, the heartbreak that accompanies widowhood was almost too much to bear the first time around. Widowhood again in my eld? I don't think I'm made of strong enough stuff to deal with it a second time. For another, my husband was loving, thoughtful, considerate, kind, helpful, fun and funny, and smarter than I am. Wouldn't be too hard to find somebody smarter than I am, but all the rest of it? Naaaa.


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## Josiah (Apr 4, 2015)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> I doubt that I'd marry again. I've gotten used to being alone, not that I like it, just used to it. Maybe if somebody came along who positively melted my bones, had his own income, his own car to drive and his own place to live, then I'd consider having him as a Gentleman Caller. Marriage? Probably not. For one thing, the heartbreak that accompanies widowhood was almost too much to bear the first time around. Widowhood again in my eld? I don't think I'm made of strong enough stuff to deal with it a second time. For another, my husband was loving, thoughtful, considerate, kind, helpful, fun and funny, and smarter than I am. Wouldn't be too hard to find somebody smarter than I am, but all the rest of it? Naaaa.



So you're saying Tucker, the perfectly good cat can stay, but not Bob, the perfectly good man?


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## Debby (Apr 4, 2015)

ndynt said:


> That is really difficult to answer.  Not happy, yet not unhappy.  Content, is probably a better choice of words, in contrast to very unhappy when married.




Sounds like based on past experience then, you've done pretty good.  Happy, content......interchangeable maybe?


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## grannyjo (Apr 4, 2015)

I've never been happier than since I have been living alone.  

I don't really live alone - I have a dog,  and I have friends who drop in from time to time.

However, I would never again live in a house with another human.

As I've grown older,  I appreciate that I am the most important person in my life.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Apr 4, 2015)

Tucker can stay, no question about it A Gentleman Caller, on the other hand, would have his own place to live.

Anyway, I got off track. The question was are we singletons happier single than married, and my answer to that is a resounding no! but that doesn't mean I'd marry again. The whole getting-to-know-you part is daunting, to say the least. Getting to know someone takes time, and I've got too much gardening to do to make that much time. Wouldn't marry someone I didn't know well.

ETA: Come to think of it, there's that old saw "it's easy to love a stranger" and wouldn't it be awful to be so enamored of someone new that you'd marry without really knowing them? As time passed and you did get to know them only to learn that you didn't even _like_ them? Ack!


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## Kitties (Apr 5, 2015)

Having never been married or lived with a man, I can only imagine how hard it must be for some people who were married for many years to be on their own. I know it is the house I grew up in that keeps me single and I'm capable of sabotaging relationships. 

I'm not lonely but I do feel isolated. I'm grateful not to have to put up with any B.S. in my own home. Sometimes though if I've had a bad day or someone was less than nice to me or any other issue, I have no one to talk with about it. But being single still wins.


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## ndynt (Apr 6, 2015)

Debby said:


> Sounds like based on past experience then, you've done pretty good.  Happy, content......interchangeable maybe?



[FONT=Garamond,sans-serif]*[FONT=Garamond,sans-serif]No, [FONT=Garamond,sans-serif]not really.  [/FONT]IMO, contentment is mor[FONT=Garamond,sans-serif]e of an acceptance of how things are[FONT=Garamond,sans-serif].[/FONT] [FONT=Garamond,sans-serif]While h[/FONT]appiness is a feeling, the state of pleasure.[FONT=Garamond,sans-serif][FONT=Garamond,sans-serif] Debby, you [FONT=Garamond,sans-serif]ma[FONT=Garamond,sans-serif]de me do some soul searching....and I[FONT=Garamond,sans-serif] still am unable to an[FONT=Garamond,sans-serif]swer your question.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT][/FONT][/FONT][/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]*[/FONT]  [FONT=Garamond,sans-serif]*[FONT=Garamond,sans-serif][FONT=Garamond,sans-serif] Though I tend to be a happy person, derive grea[FONT=Garamond,sans-serif]t joy[FONT=Garamond,sans-serif] from many things...[FONT=Garamond,sans-serif][FONT=Garamond,sans-serif]n[/FONT]on[FONT=Garamond,sans-serif]e[/FONT] [/FONT][FONT=Garamond,sans-serif][FONT=Garamond,sans-serif]has[/FONT] [/FONT][FONT=Garamond,sans-serif]anything[/FONT] to do with being married or unmarried.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]*[/FONT]


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## Jackie22 (Apr 8, 2015)

After reading this thread, I think Georgia has a pretty good handle on the 'single senior' situation, I feel the same....although I do get lonely at times, I've got used to my life and do my best to adjust.....like yesterday....I was mowing and the tire came off the rim of the wheel, I spent 2 hours wondering how I was going to get it fixed, after a while I went back out there, found a jack, jacked the mower up, took the tire off, took it to the tire shop and had it repaired, brought it home and put it back on.......of course this took me all afternoon..lol


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## rporter610 (Apr 8, 2015)

I married my high school sweetheart.  We had a stormy marriage for 15 years, until he left and took up with an employee.  Our two children had a rough time navigating between us as the rancor lasted for many years.  Now we can talk civilly, but rarely do so.  I was so traumatized by the marriage and the divorce and its aftermath that I swore I would never marry again, and I've kept that promise.  I had a brief relationship for a couple of years, but have been basically alone for the last 15 years.  I enjoy solitude, but miss going out for social events with a partner.


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## NancyNGA (Apr 8, 2015)

Jackie22 said:


> .....like yesterday....I was mowing and the tire came off the rim of the wheel, I spent 2 hours wondering how I was going to get it fixed, after a while I went back out there, found a jack, jacked the mower up, took the tire off, took it to the tire shop and had it repaired, brought it home and put it back on.......of course this took me all afternoon..lol



Good for you, Jackie.   Makes you feel powerful, doesn't it?


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## Ina (Apr 8, 2015)

I just read this thread, and I am finding it informative, as I have only been a widow for a little over three months.

I am very lucky that between a pension, disability, and my husband's SS benefits, I am able to set back and enjoy the rest of my time on this eath.  In my parents' time, that was not always an option.  

I used to tease my husband about spending so much on life insurance and his pension.  I'm not laughing now. Thank you Michael.
raying::thankyou:


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## Louis (Apr 11, 2015)

I have been married twice. First marriage ended in divorce after eight years, second marriage lasted 42 years until my wife died last April. I am very happy living alone.

My children and grandchildren all live within twenty miles and I have many friends. My social life is great and I've been dating, 
although it seems most women I meet want a committed relationship.


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## merlin (Apr 13, 2015)

A very interesting thread, especially reading about our various ways of dealing with loss and loneliness. 

When I was first married back in my youth, I hated being away from my wife and was not very good being on my own at all, in fact we were rarely apart. 
After some 14 years of marriage I began to spend some times on my own and came to value my own company and the freedom it brings.
During the last 12 years or so I have been in a long distance relationship and get to experience both being single and in a couple relationship on an alternating basis.

When I am on my own in the UK I love my own company, and the freedom to do anything or nothing without thinking of a partners needs. The times I am with Lisa in as a couple I love as well, the waking up with someone having a coffee in bed, planning the day ahead and discussing one of a myriad of topics etc. We often walk to a nearby park and have a beer or go to a concert or visit friends, its all blissful 

The only downside is when its time to part after several weeks together there is the emotional pain of loss that goes with partings, especially for the one left behind who goes back to an empty house. The compensation of course is the excitement and anticipation at the next meeting in the airport, which we both love. In between times we skype regularly and exchange emails daily, but its not the same as physical presence of course.

I must say I do prefer this way of life, as does Lisa, though I know it wouldn't suit everyone, but I feel my relationship with Lisa somehow seems to deepen with time, and we never take each other for granted.


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## jujube (Apr 13, 2015)

For me, the hardest thing about adjusting to a relationship after 37 years of marriage and 3 years of widowhood was realizing that my new guy and I wouldn't have the "memories" I had so enjoyed with my late husband.  We're making our own memories after five and a half years together, but it's just not the same.  I'm happier with him than I would be alone.....I think I'm just not meant to be a loner.  I did enjoy certain aspects of my three years on my own but not enough to want to make it a permanent state.  As I get older, it's very comforting to know that someone "has my back".


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## caregiverrelief (Apr 14, 2015)

I have been married and divorced twice. The first marriage I had 2 children and stayed too long- he was abusive. The second marriage was wonderful. He developed a head injury and had a major personality change, irritable an moody. when my sons returned from the military, he did not want them around ( he had no children. That was the breaking point, as I had a son that was a disabled soldier. Sadly, he competed suicide 3 years ago. 

I do nto have a man in my life, and enjoy being single, at this point in my life. I am busy with building a business and staying active.


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## Cookie (Apr 14, 2015)

Sorry to hear of your sad experiences, caregiver, I can see how you'd be satisfied with your life now.  I know lots of single women who aren't looking for a man, nor are they particularly missing the physical aspect of it and are happy and independent.


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## Susie (May 29, 2015)

After 20 yrs. of marriage, I told myself: Never again!!!
And I haven't!
Can now be as selfish and self-indulgent as I want to be (but without hurting others).   :yes:


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## LogicsHere (Jun 2, 2015)

It was my original intention to marry and have a family.  I did, but my marriage was short lived. He passed away after only 15 months of marriage. I never had the chance to remarry and now that I am looking after my mother, doubt seriously that I would want a man in my life unless it was just to meet at a restaurant or venue and then return to own place alone.


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## SifuPhil (Jun 3, 2015)

I've discovered that I'm far too self-involved to be in a successful marriage, so rather than inflict myself upon anyone I've discovered that I'm indeed happier being a solo act.


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## oakapple (Jun 3, 2015)

I am happy in my marriage,I do like company, but would not choose to re-marry in the future, even if the opportunity came.


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## LynnD (Jun 7, 2015)

I was happy being married but he died.  I'm happy being single and don't think I would marry again.  In fact I'm sure of it.


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## Shalimar (Jun 7, 2015)

I was in a long term relationship, with my son's father. Stayed far too long, out of misplaced feelings of guilt and obligation. It took me decades to give myself permission to be happy.


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## Cookie (Jun 7, 2015)

Answer to this question has got to be yes, in every case, because if one was happier being married, everyone would most likely still be married, or in a relationship.


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## LynnD (Jun 7, 2015)

I was happy being married to my husband...I might not have been happy married to someone else.


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## Cookie (Jun 7, 2015)

LynnD said:


> I was happy being married to my husband...I might not have been happy married to someone else.



Sorry Lynn, I was thinking of divorced/separated single people.  Of course most widowed people would prefer not to be.


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## merlin (Jun 8, 2015)

My marriage was successful apart from the sex which was not good, but after my wife died and being alone for a very short time, I started a series of affairs and longer term relationships. I was essentially a serial monogamist, occasional bigamist 

I have never really been alone, but for the last 13 years I have had a long distance relationship, and get to alternate between being on my own and being with my partner. I actually enjoy both, the freedom to be totally self indulgent when alone, and sharing and enjoying coupledom when together. I don't feel I would want a permanent 24/7 relationship/marriage, as from my experience a boredom and lack of spontaneity creeps in.


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## Shalimar (Jun 8, 2015)

I never married, it always seemed too much like bondage to me. Also, I was the last of my family, I wanted my children to have my name for that reason, and strong feelings around a matriarchal viewpoint in a patriarchal society as well. Remaining single kept things simple. Fortunately, my son's father did not mind. He has three brothers after all. Jesse has both our names, mine being last. He chose to use mine. I stayed with this man too long as it was. At least there was no divorce to deal with. Now, I have a new lover. A lovely, kind, and charming man. I suspect he may want more from me than I am willing to give. Loving him is not the obstacle, belonging to him would be.


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## LynnD (Jun 8, 2015)

merlin said:


> My marriage was successful apart from the sex which was not good, but after my wife died and being alone for a very short time, I started a series of affairs and longer term relationships. I was essentially a serial monogamist, occasional bigamist
> 
> I have never really been alone, but for the last 13 years I have had a long distance relationship, and get to alternate between being on my own and being with my partner. I actually enjoy both, the freedom to be totally self indulgent when alone, and sharing and enjoying coupledom when together. I don't feel I would want a permanent 24/7 relationship/marriage, as from my experience a boredom and lack of spontaneity creeps in.



You seem to have the perfect life now,  Merlin .....I am envious.


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## AprilT (Jun 8, 2015)

I agree LynnD, that sounds perfect and I had something a little similar, that was till my ex-partner just wasn't happy with that arrangement anymore and wanted to make it more of a together everyday here and forever thing.  Sigh.  He will always remain friends, but we haven't seen each other in nearly three years now, because this thing hangs in the air.  If I call it's always, you're not calling me for a one time get together and then it gets awkward, for me anyway.  We actually spoke about a week ago.


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## LynnD (Jun 8, 2015)

I did have a live in BF a few years ago, that was enough to turn me off to anything like that again.  I wouldn't mind having someone to date, a companion...someone to do things with but at the end of the day...He goes to his home and I go to mine.

Not saying a weekend together wouldn't happen...I'm not a prude, lol!


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## AprilT (Jun 8, 2015)

Yeah, I didn't mind the weekend thing, as he usually would travel to me, plus if we moved in together, I would have been the one to have to move to his area where he live, another strike as I really like my area as compared to his where there would be less public transit available to me, I would be too dependent on him for many needs.


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## LynnD (Jun 8, 2015)

Also add differences in the way we like things.   I don't like  clutter and I like things clean....he didn't.  If I fell asleep before he did and then would come out to a mess in the kitchen, my day was ruined.  At this stage I think most people aren't going to change their ways.


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## AprilT (Jun 8, 2015)

Well that would have been the one good thing, he's very neat and organized; that would have helped to me keep the place company ready at all times.  LOL. For some reason, when left to my own, I'm never able to keep things in one place, but when I live with others everything stays in place.  I'm not sure why that is.


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## LynnD (Jun 8, 2015)

It's the crafts, AprilT...projects can get messy and all over the place, lol.   I know from experience.  My house is neat and clean because I don't do anything it.  I'm not so OCD about dust and such...things just have to be put away.


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## AprilT (Jun 8, 2015)

I think to a large degree you are quite right about that, another is I'm pretty absentminded and then there's the if I drop something, due to my back, I'm not likely to bend over to pick it up right away, so it just might stay put for a day or two.  LOL!


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## LynnD (Jun 8, 2015)

This my my philosophy...


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## AprilT (Jun 8, 2015)

LOL!  Sounds pretty familiar to my number one rule I've followed for a while, but have tried to break on occasion, but, seems, I've been able to stick most closely to rule 1.  But I do envy neat freaks to a slight degree, not the one guy who I dated who nearly had a heart attack when I mishung something in his walkin closet.  OMG, he was extremely anal when it came to his home.


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## LynnD (Jun 8, 2015)

I don't like too OCD either!  Anybody that puts spices in alphabetical order is just too OCD for me.

I just don't like seeing things laying about it upsets my equilibrium ....shove it under the bed....I don't care, unless I look there and I'll know better not to.


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## AprilT (Jun 8, 2015)

Ut Oh, I do arrange spices, foods on shelves in alphabetical order though.  Ha, ha, ha.  But really, I'm not OCD, just easier for me to remember where to reach that way.


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## deesierra (Nov 16, 2015)

AprilT said:


> I married once, been nearly married a couple of times since, I did break off an engagement two decades ago, I am happy with my status, my last relationship ended over two years ago, because, he wanted to take things to the next level and I didn't feel the same about him in that way, same with the one prior, not to say, I wouldn't be more with someone I felt a real deep connection, I just wasn't feeling a need to combine households with either men, nor marry.
> 
> To be honest, the only thing I miss is the sex, not the stay overs, I'm still friends with them both, one there never anything beyond kissing anyway,, I've known one for more than 10 years the other nearing 8.  Can't say I miss the friendship since I'm still friendly with both, I could call either of them and have long chats any time, problem is my last guy, won't come over unless I agree we're going to be a couple again and why should I lead him to believe we can be anything more than just friends.  I care for him and if he needed me for anything, I would be there for him, I just don't love him in that way that makes me long for him when he's not around.  He and I are such opposites, but, for some reason, he always gives this speech about how much alike we are, we're nothing alike.  I admit, I do miss him sometimes, if only he wouldn't push that love nonsense.  Sigh.
> 
> ...


 
AprilT for the most part your words echo my thoughts exactly! Thanks for sharing


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## deesierra (Nov 16, 2015)

Josiah said:


> Although I am not technically single (because my wife persists mute and immobile in a nursing home) I am experiencing living alone for the first time almost sixty years and I have been startled by the difference that truly being alone makes. I haven't entirely come to terms with it yet. I miss the fact that before I was always present in someones consciousness, I was in effect performing. Now there's no audience and it feels very different.



Josiah, your eloquent statement about always being present in someone's consciousness, and in effect performing, really struck a chord with me. I've had a few relationships in recent years that failed, and I think they failed because either I was simply with the wrong person, or because I no longer have the energy or desire to "perform". I see that you haven't posted for a while. Wishing you well.


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## jaminhealth (Aug 12, 2018)

I had one marriage, one horrible divorce and I NEVER wanted re-marriage.  Once was enough for my lifetime.  Had a couple live in bf's and other bfs over my life, worked 40 yrs, played a lot, raised a daughter and love to do what I want to when I want to.  I'm 80.


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## AprilT (Aug 16, 2018)

Viewing this I almost had a change of heart.

This isn't about race as some will make a point out of, I saw what I thought was a lovely couple nothing more nothing less and all some can do is see race.  I took the video down, but, I'm putting it back in here.  I figure why should I let others feel like they won by stirring the pot of bringing up race.  If race is what you think most of when you view the video, you have issues, not the couple.






And btw, WM/BW marriages, statistically, have the lowest divource rates. Just saying since it was brought up.


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## RadishRose (Aug 16, 2018)

Yes and no. Mostly yes.


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## jaminhealth (Aug 16, 2018)

Sweet, lovely, wonder how the marriage is going.  

I took care of a little boy in a mixed marriage home and the mom/dad seemingly got on well for the years I knew them and then caught up with the mom later and they were divorced.  

I have no issues with interracial relationships, but for me one marriage was ENUF.

I had a mixed relationship for a while and boy, it was really a lot of highs and lows.


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## grapenutpudding (Aug 25, 2018)

Josiah said:


> Although I am not technically single (because my wife persists mute and immobile in a nursing home) I am experiencing living alone for the first time almost sixty years and I have been startled by the difference that truly being alone makes. I haven't entirely come to terms with it yet. I miss the fact that before I was always present in someones consciousness, I was in effect performing. Now there's no audience and it feels very different.



I'm sorry for the situation you are both in. That must be difficult. The lack of "audience" you mention is interesting to me...I live alone and have for many years (was married once for 4 years and have had some relationships but not for a long time now) and I often think of myself as that tree in the forest, wondering if my life really matters if no one "hears" or sees it. I suppose it could be liberating in some ways to be free of "performing" as you say but for me I am questioning how much my life really matters when I am mostly alone, i.e., not sharing experiences, moments with someone over time. I feel I've missed out on much.


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## ProsperosDaughter (Aug 25, 2018)

I divorced in 86 after 11 years of marriage and an additional 7 of dating and engagement so in total we were together for 18 years. From the very first night living alone I was completely content and since then have never missed having another person in the house. I did marry again in 98 but it only lasted 6 months because I could not tolerate living with another person or having to consider what they want (I know I should have figured that out BEFORE I married; but he swept me off my feet


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## dkay (Aug 25, 2018)

I don't know what it is like to share my life with someone for that many years but thought I'd share a story.

I worked with a woman (I think she was Hindu). Her husband of 30 years passed away without any warning (no prior illness etc). She was devastated. They were one of the happiest couples I'd ever seen. A year later on the anniversary of his death, her family invited lots of people to a celebration and I was honored to be included. All of her children and most of her siblings were in attendance plus old family friends.

The ceremony was not in English but they did have an interpreter. I can't remember everything but there was a golden cord involved. She could either choose to continue to dedicate her life to her deceased husband or she could choose to be released from the bond of grieving and begin dating again. She chose to remain single and the full cord was wrapped around her wrist. Had she chosen to date, the cord would have been severed and half of it would be released in the fire(which in this case was a bar b q pit). I don't know if that is something that her village did or the Hindu people do but I think it was a nice way for the family to celebrate and share the transition with her. It was a beautiful thing to see and her words were, "it would be most difficult to find another man half as good as the one I had."

Sometimes tradition is a beautiful thing, I wish we had more of them to share the different transitions we go through as seniors.


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## Manatee (Aug 27, 2018)

We have been married 59 years.  It would be strange to be alone, although we realize that sooner or later one of us will be.


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## RadishRose (Aug 27, 2018)

For the most part I was happier married, but not all of it.


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## Lara (Aug 27, 2018)

I was very happily married for 12 years and had 4 children (1,2,4,6) and still count my blessings to have had that in my life, however brief. After his untimely passing, I never had time to think about whether I was happy or not while raising them and coping with responsibilities. I just made sure I was happy WITH them because they needed happiness and deserved it.  

When they moved out, the silence was deafening but in a good way. I was ready to start finding myself and excited to create my life. I would have loved to remarry Mr. Right but they're all taken so I accepted that and chose to be happy on my own. I am.


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## RadishRose (Aug 27, 2018)

Good for you, Lara, but you never know what lies ahead. I don't "see" you ending up without a life partner. JMO.


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## Lara (Aug 28, 2018)

Thank you. I can always count on you, my optimistic friend, for a focus on sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows :laugh:layful:

But he'd better hurry 
`


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## jaminhealth (Aug 28, 2018)

Lara, if you have a good life, why complicate it.  Just my take on it all.   jam


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## Lara (Aug 28, 2018)

I do and I won't. I totally agree with you....unless my soul mate drops from the heavens. 

God will have to boink me on the head to get my attention at this point


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## Falcon (Aug 28, 2018)

We had a lovely  marriage but  now that she has passed,  I  suddenly realize that  the freedom  I have gained  from

being single  is surely  advantageous  in many respects.  I'll  undoubtedly  never  marry again because  of this.


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## CindyLouWho (Aug 28, 2018)

It just depends, if you find the right person, I think it would be better to have a partner to go through life with (not necessarily marriage), than to be alone.


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## Lara (Aug 28, 2018)

Falcon said:


> We had a lovely  marriage but  now that she has passed,  I  suddenly realize that  the freedom  I have gained  from
> 
> being single  is surely  advantageous  in many respects.  I'll  undoubtedly  never  marry again because  of this.


Oh shoot. Another Mr Right out of circulation. Okay, I'll cross you off my list


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## jaminhealth (Aug 28, 2018)

CindyLouWho said:


> It just depends, if you find the right person, I think it would be better to have a partner to go through life with (not necessarily marriage), than to be alone.



It depends where one is in their life.  I thought I had the "right" person once upon a time and turned out pretty sour.  So once burned, I stay away from the fire.

And yes, do have relationships with the other sex but signing those  papers....legal tangles.


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## Catlady (Sep 3, 2018)

dkay said:


> She chose to remain single and the full cord was wrapped around her wrist. Had she chosen to date, the cord would have been severed and half of it would be released in the fire



She had only been a widow for one year, probably still in mourning for that 'perfect husband'.  BUT, what if she thereafter met another wonderful man and she wanted to date/marry, would she be allowed to break that tradition?  People change with time and wounds heal and they get different priorities and ideals.  I hope that woman was not tethered to that hasty decision.  Have you heard from this woman in the intervening years and found out if there was a sequel to her life?  I'm just very curious.


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## Hippiegirl1955 (Oct 18, 2018)

I am very happy living alone, it's only been 3months, I am sooo happy! I do like to be social tho


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## NckChrls (Oct 19, 2018)

Can you be single and happy? Sure! Is it optimal? Probably not. What about marriage? The only thing I know is that feeling alone when you're with someone hurts a lot more than just feeling alone.


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## Leann (Oct 19, 2018)

NckChrls said:


> Can you be single and happy? Sure! Is it optimal? Probably not. What about marriage? *The only thing I know is that feeling alone when you're with someone hurts a lot more than just feeling alone*.



I couldn't agree more with this.


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## Olivia (Oct 20, 2018)

Truthfully, being honest with myself, I don't think I would make really good wife material. And I don't really want to chance it--for either of the would-be us.


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## debbie in seattle (Oct 22, 2018)

RadishRose said:


> For the most part I was happier married, but not all of it.



Very well said and so honest.   I agree 100%.


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## Trade (Oct 22, 2018)




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## Olivia (Oct 23, 2018)

Trade said:


>



That would be interesting. I now sentence you to man and wife. Until the end of your sentences do you part.


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## Betty&Jeremy (Nov 23, 2018)

I have been single for 18 years_,_when my new neighbor moved in about a year ago, he started being friendly with me and really helped when I needed help. I was alone and fine with that. However one day we kissed, it just happened and spent the evening together. Within a few weeks he moved in and it's truly been wonderful, exceeded my expectations. He is actually a little over 30 years younger and many single woman his age don't want a relationship. I know many prefer to be single, however if you do want a relationship I recommend seeking someone younger. I never dreamed of this especially for a woman, not even 10 years younger, however now that I am in one and no longer alone, it's a wonderful feeling.


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## jaminhealth (Nov 23, 2018)

Betty&Jeremy said:


> I have been single for 18 years_,_when my new neighbor moved in about a year ago, he started being friendly with me and really helped when I needed help. I was alone and fine with that. However one day we kissed, it just happened and spent the evening together. Within a few weeks he moved in and it's truly been wonderful, exceeded my expectations. He is actually a little over 30 years younger and many single woman his age don't want a relationship. I know many prefer to be single, however if you do want a relationship I recommend seeking someone younger. I never dreamed of this especially for a woman, not even 10 years younger, however now that I am in one and no longer alone, it's a wonderful feeling.



Well you ole Cougar, think that's what it's called.  If this all makes you happy, then good.  Did he actually move in, did he have a house too or how did that go.  There are other stories like this out there too.  I have a younger fellow in our bldg who helps me, he's 55, I'm 80, and I can't imagine that in my life.


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## Betty&Jeremy (Nov 23, 2018)

I don't consider myself a cougar, I never was looking for this and cougars seem to want to keep dating different younger men than get in a relationship. He has hinted he is going to ask me for marriage, so this is a true commitment. He did move in, we are in a Condo building, he is renting his and he is paying my mortgage,  I wanted it that way because I was settled in my place. Yes, while we do look strange as a couple holding hands with our age difference, we do run into others from time to time.


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## jaminhealth (Nov 23, 2018)

Betty&Jeremy said:


> I don't consider myself a cougar, I never was looking for this and cougars seem to want to keep dating different younger men than get in a relationship. He has hinted he is going to ask me for marriage, so this is a true commitment. He did move in, we are in a Condo building, he is renting his and he is paying my mortgage,  I wanted it that way because I was settled in my place. Yes, while we do look strange as a couple holding hands with our age difference, we do run into others from time to time.



Well you got me curious, wonder just how old you are and he?  Oh I'm sure it can work and if a person the woman say is 50 or 60, and fellow is 30 or so, I've heard of this.


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## Betty&Jeremy (Nov 23, 2018)

I am 69, he is 34. I know it very unusualand didn't plan it this way, I am a very successful and classy woman.Now that I have been in this relationship. I have changed my thoughts because it's been very positive and now would likely get involved with another younger man if we ever broke up.


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## SeaBreeze (Nov 23, 2018)

Betty&Jeremy said:


> I have been single for 18 years_,_when my new neighbor moved in about a year ago, he started being friendly with me and really helped when I needed help. I was alone and fine with that. However one day we kissed, it just happened and spent the evening together. Within a few weeks he moved in and it's truly been wonderful, exceeded my expectations. He is actually a little over 30 years younger and many single woman his age don't want a relationship. I know many prefer to be single, however if you do want a relationship I recommend seeking someone younger. I never dreamed of this especially for a woman, not even 10 years younger, however now that I am in one and no longer alone, it's a wonderful feeling.



Hi Betty, welcome to the forum.   I'm glad you found someone and are no longer alone.  The important thing is that you're happy with your new partner.  A common suspicion for relationships with such a large age gap, is that the younger person is either after money or something else that may be negative.  But, each case is different and I hope that you know a lot about him personally, and he is sincere.  Best wishes for you both.

I'm happily married for over 40 years, and if something ever happened to my husband, I think I'd rather be alone and not seek another relationship.  If I did though, it would likely be with someone in my age group, who I had more in common with.


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## jaminhealth (Nov 23, 2018)

Betty&Jeremy said:


> I am 69, he is 34. I know it very unusualand didn't plan it this way, I am a very successful and classy woman.Now that I have been in this relationship. I have changed my thoughts because it's been very positive and now would likely get involved with another younger man if we ever broke up.



Ohhhh, I'd have a huge issue with commonalities with that much of a gap in ages/experiences, but your life...just did the math, he's 35 yrs your junior.


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## ronk (Feb 4, 2019)

My story is not very typical. I was married when I was 49. We knew, almost from the start, that the marriage was a bad idea. We finally ended the marriage, in a friendly manner, after 5 years. I remember feeling incredibly lonely, even in the first few months of the marriage. Our divorce was a great relief for both of us.

In the years since our divorce, I've found it harder to cope with the demands of everyday life. But I'll never allow myself to make the same mistake again.


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## jaminhealth (Feb 4, 2019)

ronk said:


> My story is not very typical. I was married when I was 49. We knew, almost from the start, that the marriage was a bad idea. We finally ended the marriage, in a friendly manner, after 5 years. I remember feeling incredibly lonely, even in the first few months of the marriage. Our divorce was a great relief for both of us.
> 
> In the years since our divorce, I've found it harder to cope with the demands of everyday life. But I'll never allow myself to make the same mistake again.



There is so much out there one can do without signing a legal contract.


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## gennie (Feb 5, 2019)

I've been single and I've been married.  I like single better.


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## Falcon (Feb 5, 2019)

One  never  knows  until  they  try  it.   It's usually  a  crap  shoot.


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## Catlady (Feb 5, 2019)

Falcon said:


> One  never  knows  until  they  try  it.   It's usually  a  crap  shoot.



It also depends on your stage in life.  When I was young I couldn't imagine being without a man in my life, now I am happy I don't have to be a nurse and maid to one or have to compromise on every wish of mine.  Even if you're TRULY happy in the marriage, you still have to do a lot of compromising.  Now I live alone and am the Queen of my castle, what I say or want goes.  I can sleep all day or not cook or not do anything and there's no one there to complain about it.


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## jaminhealth (Feb 5, 2019)

PVC said:


> It also depends on your stage in life.  When I was young I couldn't imagine being without a man in my life, now I am happy I don't have to be a nurse and maid to one or have to compromise on every wish of mine.  Even if you're TRULY happy in the marriage, you still have to do a lot of compromising.  Now I live alone and am the Queen of my castle, what I say or want goes.  I can sleep all day or not cook or not do anything and there's no one there to complain about it.



Boy oh boy sounds so much like me from needs in  young life to probably the last 20 yrs for me, and I'm 80.


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## jujube (Feb 5, 2019)

About 10 years ago, I started dating a man who about 3 months into the relationship started hinting about marriage.  I wasn't interested in considering it that early and after a couple of months I realized that he wasn't the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

Then he divulged that he had been diagnosed with multiple myeloma three years before and given 4-5 years to live.  I asked him exactly when he had been planning to share this info with me?  His answer was that he didn't want that to interfere with the relationship while it was "developing".

Had my husband survived his heart attack and been an invalid the rest of his life, I would have cared for him willingly because I stood up 37 years before in front of my family, friends and God and promised "in sickness and in health".  BUT, to knowingly take on a relationship/marriage knowing someone was going to die within a couple of years? No.  Absolutely not.  I know there's no guarantee in life, but this would have been a certain thing....death and taxes....

I'm neither embarrassed nor proud to say that when I met my present boyfriend (9 1/2 years and running well.....), one of the first things I determined was that he was in good health.  As I said earlier, there are no guarantees in life but to take on a relationship that had a _guaranteed_ sad end to it was beyond my ken.


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## C'est Moi (Feb 5, 2019)

PVC said:


> *Even if you're TRULY happy in the marriage, you still have to do a lot of compromising. * Now I live alone and am the Queen of my castle, what I say or want goes.  I can sleep all day or not cook or not do anything and there's no one there to complain about it.



I disagree; every marriage is as different as the two people who signed on.   My husband is so easy going that he never complains about anything; I'm welcome to "sleep all day or not cook or do anything" and there's absolutely no one complaining about it.   When two people are a good match, there's not a lot of compromising to do.   He's my best friend and I don't know what I would do without him.


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## Lord Elpus (Feb 5, 2019)

To say it ended in tatters would be an understatement. Her boyfriend went through the bedroom window;later,his three brothers turned up armed with two knives and a hammer and kicked the front door in. When the police arrived there were three armed intruders,lying unconscious in my hall...but it was _ME_ that got arrested,just because when the police came hurtling in being all Johnny Big-Boy,I was sat at my kitchen table doing a jigsaw! Apparently,that isn't 'the correct response' to dealing with armed intruders at just after midnight. I knew my then neighbour had called them due to all the noise,so what's the problem?  Happy to be rid of her. NO wish to go there again.


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## NewRetire18 (Feb 7, 2019)

Nothing like a bit of complexity in life to help maintain stress... My (now) wife and I were together for 35 years, and all that time, she didn't want to get married. I just enjoyed having her around so much, whatever makes her happy, married or not, I didn't care. Career-wise, she made so much less money than I did that the arrangement was beneficial for both of us to live together. Fortunately, we lived in a common-law state, and eventually became 'married' in the eyes of the governments. We eventually ended up having to move to a new state that was not common-law, and once here, she had a miserable time trying to get bank accounts, drivers license, anything legal in her taken name (she had taken my last name, legally in the prior state, but it wasn't allowed here, so she was lost financially). The hassles got worse and worse. As we moved toward retirement, I realized that if I croak, the benefits to her for being 'legally' married (from a financial standpoint...SS Survivors benefits, spousal benefits, etc.) largely outweighed living as we were. We married legally here, had a 'huge,ha ha' 1/2 hour wedding in the clerks office, but I now sleep much better knowing that she will be well taken care of (financially) if I die. The rest of the relationship hasn't changed.


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## ClassicRockr (Feb 7, 2019)

Absolutely LOVE being married to my wife. Before meeting my wife, I was divorced/single for 21 years and only liked being single for the first 6 months. It took me 20 1/2 years to find my wife. Without a doubt, we are BOTH the "marriage-minded" type people and that was one thing that really drew us together. But, if something was ever to happen, I'd never get married again. Would never/ever find a lady like my wife again.


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## treeguy64 (Feb 9, 2019)

Lord Elpus said:


> To say it ended in tatters would be an understatement. Her boyfriend went through the bedroom window;later,his three brothers turned up armed with two knives and a hammer and kicked the front door in. When the police arrived there were three armed intruders,lying unconscious in my hall...but it was _ME_ that got arrested,just because when the police came hurtling in being all Johnny Big-Boy,I was sat at my kitchen table doing a jigsaw! Apparently,that isn't 'the correct response' to dealing with armed intruders at just after midnight. I knew my then neighbour had called them due to all the noise,so what's the problem?  Happy to be rid of her. NO wish to go there again.


What experience do you have in the martial arts?  Are you a former offensive lineman from the NFL? 6'5", 275 lbs? Were you a Marine with combat duty experience? Do you just have a great imagination, prone to telling tall tales?


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## AZ Jim (Feb 9, 2019)

AZ Jim said:


> Been married, divorced, married and I would hate being single again. If I am I will do the best I can alone.


Ironic.  Here I am today a new widower,  My wonderful wife passed away 1/30/19.  I'll do as I am now........trying to make it alone and having a very hard time without her......RIP sweetheart


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## C'est Moi (Feb 9, 2019)

AZ Jim said:


> Ironic.  Here I am today a new widower,  My wonderful wife passed away 1/30/19.  I'll do as I am now........trying to make it alone and having a very hard time without her......RIP sweetheart



Hi, Jim.   I'm glad to see you around these parts; I've been wondering how you are.   So sorry for your loss.


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## AZ Jim (Feb 9, 2019)

Thanks, I am trying.....


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## treeguy64 (Feb 10, 2019)

treeguy64 said:


> What experience do you have in the martial arts?  Are you a former offensive lineman from the NFL? 6'5", 275 lbs? Were you a Marine with combat duty experience? Do you just have a great imagination, prone to telling tall tales?



Hmm, ........ there is another Lord Elpus who posts fantastic tales on other forums. My research leads me to conclude that my latter supposition, as above,  is on the money. Thanks for the entertainment, here.


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## Ronni (Feb 10, 2019)

I was very happy being single.  Separated in 2004, divorced in 2006, dated a bit but never entertained the idea of being married again.  I had NO interest, as I was so happy with my full, busy and enjoyable life just the way it was.

I met Ron, my fiancé, while I was zip lining with friends.  From then till now we've never spent a w/e apart, and we're planning to be married probably Fall 2020. After we got serious, we both had the "been there done that don't intend to ever go there again" conversation about marriage, so it shocked the hell out of the BOTH of us when he proposed! :lol:  

Should something happen to him, I would revert to once again being happy with my full, busy and enjoyable life because I haven't given up anything to be with him, he either enjoys things right along with me or is off doing his own thing, and vice versa.  We both love it that way!


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## RadishRose (Feb 10, 2019)

treeguy64 said:


> What experience do you have in the martial arts?  Are you a former offensive lineman from the NFL? 6'5", 275 lbs? Were you a Marine with combat duty experience? Do you just have a great imagination, prone to telling tall tales?



Who knows, but he's fun.


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## MannyGT (Feb 10, 2019)

I agree in that the man should have his own place, but there is no need for the man to have "two bathrooms" when the woman is there to be with him!


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## Lord Elpus (Feb 10, 2019)

treeguy64 said:


> What experience do you have in the martial arts?  Are you a former offensive lineman from the NFL? 6'5", 275 lbs? Were you a Marine with combat duty experience? Do you just have a great imagination, prone to telling tall tales?




Me? Oh,I'm just an inoffensive,sweet,friendly chap who just happens to be a bit 'handy' when required,treeguy.
Yes,I served with 45 Royal Marines Commando-and yes,I've studied martial arts since I was 11 years old.

...but finding my employee bonking my wife,plus all the sh1t that went with that incident,is all on police record.
...it also made the papers,as did the resultant court case-so pal,get busy researching. I don't do lies-I leave that stuff to cowards & Walter Mittys.


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## Rodger-McArther (Mar 3, 2019)

In my wildest dreams I can’t imagine remarrying. Even the though of it seems funny.  Happy, no. Content? Adjusted?  I hope some day.


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## OneEyedDiva (Mar 23, 2019)

I am recently widowed...he passed 3 months ago today. While my husband was the love of my life and a good, kind man, he was also one of the most frustrating people I ever dealt with. Couple that with the fact that I need (actually *need*) my alone time, I have to admit that I'm happier being alone. I miss my husband at times and miss that we can no longer do things together but at other times I'm grateful for the freedom I now have.


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## jaminhealth (Mar 23, 2019)

OneEyedDiva said:


> I am recently widowed...he passed 3 months ago today. While my husband was the love of my life and a good, kind man, he was also one of the most frustrating people I ever dealt with. Couple that with the fact that I need (actually *need*) my alone time, I have to admit that I'm happier being alone. I miss my husband at times and miss that we can no longer do things together but at other times I'm grateful for the freedom I now have.



I like your honesty.  We can share a  lot of good times with friends,  And no legal papers with friendships.


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## Twilight (Mar 25, 2019)

I am single and have been for 8 years now. I really miss having a lady in my life. When I do find a lady and we hit it off, I would see what happens after that.


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## Falcon (Mar 25, 2019)

I  loved  my  late  wife...........BUT,  It's a lot easier  being single,  IMHO.


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## OneEyedDiva (Mar 25, 2019)

AprilT said:


> Viewing this I almost had a change of heart.
> 
> This isn't about race as some will make a point out of, I saw what I thought was a lovely couple nothing more nothing less and all some can do is see race.  I took the video down, but, I'm putting it back in here.  I figure why should I let others feel like they won by stirring the pot of bringing up race.  If race is what you think most of when you view the video, you have issues, not the couple.
> 
> ...


They are cute and they look happy which is so nice to see. I don't know why anyone would take issue with the video.  I don't have time to watch it all now but I bookmarked it in my YouTube folder. I notice there's one of their wedding which I will watch as well. I just love seeing happy couples. My cousin married a white man and their story is SO cute! Her wedding was one of the happiest events I've attended. Maybe I'll post about when I have more time. Thank you for re-posting.


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## OneEyedDiva (Mar 25, 2019)

AZ Jim said:


> Ironic.  Here I am today a new widower,  My wonderful wife passed away 1/30/19.  I'll do as I am now........trying to make it alone and having a very hard time without her......RIP sweetheart



I'm so sorry to read of your loss AZ Jim! I lost my husband almost a month before you lost your wife. May they Rest in Paradise. I think sometimes loss is harder on men.  I hope you can find solace in wonderful memories of your wife.


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## OneEyedDiva (Mar 25, 2019)

jaminhealth said:


> I like your honesty.  We can share a  lot of good times with friends,  And no legal papers with friendships.



Thank you Jaminhealth.  I'm always going to keep it real. And sometimes it helps others who may be feeling they are strange or wrong for having similar feelings.


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## Seeker (Mar 25, 2019)

I can't answer this I've been married since I was 18..........hoping I don't have to find out.


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## win231 (Mar 25, 2019)

I'm not thinking of marrying again.  I've been divorced for 35 years & I've gotten used to it.  My marriage was very stressful & a big mistake for me.  Her first husband died when he was 30 & after spending four years with her (2 living together & 2 married), I can see why.


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## ronk (Mar 28, 2019)

I was a late bloomer. I married my high school sweetie when I was 49. (We had reconnected over the Internet.) After 5 years, we had to admit the marriage was a bad idea. We parted in a friendly manner. But I had grown to realize how much harder my life is now that I am living alone once again. I'm experiencing increasing challenges due to my age, physical, mental and emotional limitations. I will not run into a new relationship or marriage, due to loneliness. I just do my best to cope.


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## jaminhealth (Mar 28, 2019)

ronk said:


> I was a late bloomer. I married my high school sweetie when I was 49. (We had reconnected over the Internet.) After 5 years, we had to admit the marriage was a bad idea. We parted in a friendly manner. But I had grown to realize how much harder my life is now that I am living alone once again. I'm experiencing increasing challenges due to my age, physical, mental and emotional limitations. I will not run into a new relationship or marriage, due to loneliness. I just do my best to cope.



I know it's not a consolation, but you are NOT alone.  Many of us do well on our own.  Just gotta toughen up and hang in and keep the body going.  Join some groups or something...get out and help some others...I need some sheets washed, want to help?

And try to find laughter in stuff that could be frustration.  Keep friends.


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## ronk (Mar 28, 2019)

Thanks, jaminhealth. I've been driving myself nuts these days. Sometimes I can't tell if I feel warm or cold. Some days I change my clothes several times a day. I turn off the heat, open the windows. Then I close the windows and turn on the heat. I try to do most of my grocery shopping online. I order Hormel Compleats, which offer a meal in one package. No refrigeration is required. Just stick it in the microwave for a minute. If I go grocery shopping in person, my body heats up quickly, and I sweat profusely. I have anxiety attacks just trying to bag to groceries. I hate being old and alone.


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## jaminhealth (Mar 28, 2019)

ronk said:


> Thanks, jaminhealth. I've been driving myself nuts these days. Sometimes I can't tell if I feel warm or cold. Some days I change my clothes several times a day. I turn off the heat, open the windows. Then I close the windows and turn on the heat. I try to do most of my grocery shopping online. I order Hormel Compleats, which offer a meal in one package. No refrigeration is required. Just stick it in the microwave for a minute. If I go grocery shopping in person, my body heats up quickly, and I sweat profusely. I have anxiety attacks just trying to bag to groceries. I hate being old and alone.



Sorry you are going thru the last part of life this way.  WIsh I had words and I mentioned things above but sounds like you've kinda given up.  Also sounds like you are living in a colder area of the country.

On another group I was just going thru some the not greatness of the 4 seasons so many say they love...I was born in dark, dank, humid PA and the nicest time of the year was springtime....came to CA over 50 yrs ago being forced by my ex, best thing I could have been forced to do.   A person from OH was talking about how sick, depressed etc etc etc she is and she has a husband....

SUN makes a huge difference in our lives.

On your marriage to your old sweetheart and that it didn't last, maybe it's true, we can't go back.  Over my years of singlehood with one not so great marriage under my belt, I've tried to find some old loves but never could...probably wasn't supposed to...again, can't go back.


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## ronk (Mar 28, 2019)

I was born in Vermont, and lived most of my life in "the North." That includes Ohio, Minnesota, New Hampshire and Maine. i lived in Florida for a few years. I made a mess of my life in Florida. Our family originally moved from New Hampshire to Minnesota in the 1970s. I followed soon after. I followed my parents to Florida for awhile. Then I deviated, and moved to Maine to get married. They resettled to Minnesota, and here I am again. 

My ex-wife and I most likely knew our marriage was a bad idea from the start. Then we decided to end the marriage on a friendly basis. I am happy about that because she deserves to be happy.


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## Camper6 (Mar 29, 2019)

It's kind of strange being alone now and realizing I have no one other than myself to explain to or to be responsible to.


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## Catlady (Mar 29, 2019)

Camper6 said:


> It's kind of strange being alone now and realizing I have no one other than myself to explain to or to be responsible to.



I've been divorced 52 years and find THAT very liberating.  I do whatever I want without having to debate or compromise all my choices.


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## Nozzle36 (Apr 2, 2019)

Most definitely happier being single rather than married. I always have money to do things I want My ex- spouse hasn't put us deep in debt. I've paid off everything and since I've been single, I've been able to save money. I don't have to clean up after him, cook for him or wash his clothes. I worked as many hours as he, but I still was expected to do all the domestic chores . He was borderline OCD - as long as someone else did the work. I've been happier than I ever remember being in my whole life!


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## Twilight (Apr 12, 2019)

I miss the companionship and the sex.


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## Mollypops (Apr 12, 2019)

I have been divorced for 25 years now and in my late 30's I could see my marriage quickly falling apart so by the age of 40 the divorce was a Godsend. There are times I do miss a man around the house, but during that time I have had my share of dates and even relationships and enjoyable sex and I still do go out on dates although not for a few years. So I certainly have enjoyed being single because I mingled all through it.


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## jaminhealth (Apr 12, 2019)

Twilight said:


> I miss the companionship and the sex.



And all the cwap and B.S. that goes with it all.   Molly has the same thoughts I've done and had as I approach 81 and a date is the thing I want to eat as a nice sweet.

Hitachi has makes a great *Magic Wand* and I went thru 2 even with bf's....

They are good for massaging many parts of the body.


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## Bridget Truesdale (May 6, 2019)

I was divorced at 41, no children, and am rapidly approaching my 55th birthday.  I would not change a thing.  I have occasional moments of feeling lonesome, most pointed at the holidays.  But overall, NO desire to change my situation.  I have wonderful family, good friends, amazing little dogs who share my life, and quite honestly, enjoy my own company.  The biggest 'obstacle' to happiness in solo living is overcoming the expectation that you 'should' have someone.  Once I decided that was a requirement I didn't want to care about, life has been so much more of what I need:  Simple.  Peaceful.  Easy.  I DO worry about the what ifs should the day come that I need help.  I am still working, and putting money away with an eye to providing for that, be it Visiting Angels, or a facility.  I would much rather work toward that, than work toward finding 'The One', so that I'm not alone, when after this many years in a relationship largely with myself, I've decided it's working, I'm the one, and we'll go from there


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## Kenko (Jun 11, 2019)

Falcon said:


> Being unmarried doesn't mean you have to be alone.


You are so correct John!  We all need some alone time in our lives, so when I get lonely, I go grocery shopping ... After that... I don't want anybody around me!
Crying babies, yelling mothers, rude cashiers... I enjoy living alone with my cat.. He follows me everywhere I go in our home... Great Kitty he is!
I am on the computer chatting with people all over the world...I don't really get lonely!... I love my single life!


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## Nozzle36 (Jun 12, 2019)

If I had known at 20 what I know now, I would never have married. I've been married and divorced 3 times - which makes me a three time loser, I guess. First time 1 1/2 years, then 19 years and the last time 6 years. All big mistakes. Due to a thoroughly dysfunctional childhood, I was primed to make very poor choices. I stayed with the second one as long as I did because I had no way of making greater than minimum wages and I had 4 children  - ages 9 to 13, so I went  back to school and graduated with a BSN. He manipulated me into staying 5 more years. He was always demanding a divorce when he was annoyed because I wouldn't do something he wanted me to do; he demanded a divorce one time too many.
My youngest daughter and her son has lived with me since her divorce - the son moved out for a couple of years and moved back with his son when he and his GF split 3+ years ago.
I've now been single for over 30 years now and have no desire to ever wed again. However, I am certainly not alone with 3 other people living here - in fact, I could use quite a bit more of alone time at this point. My daughter fell and sustained a very serious injury last spring and has been home almost 24 hours a day. (She hopes to be able to go back to work this fall). Her son works part time and goes to  school part time. Someone is here almost all the time. I've always been a bit of a loner who very much enjoys her alone time  and it's been pretty scarce around here lately. LOL
As for myself, I take classes at the local Junior college (TaiChi and art) and take music lessons on both banjo  and violin -  to keep myself out of trouble. I was very, very fortunate to work for an employer who provided their employees with very good pensions and I got in in time to miss the later cut backs so I can live fairly well and help out my kids and for the first time in my life save money. Everything is paid for  which never would have happened if I had stayed married to any of my husbands. We always lived on the financial edge of disaster. It took me a number of years to pull myself out of it.


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## debbie in seattle (Jun 12, 2019)

Ahh, interesting posts.    Husband passed 14 months ago.  Have adjusted to being alone very well, so I think.  Was still lonely, sex, companionship, etc.   Prior to my husband passing, had an electrician over to fix something, after husband passed, had him come back over to do something else.    At that time, he gave me his phone number and said if I wanted to get together for coffee and chat, call him, his wife had passed a year prior.   Took me almost a year and I called.   Our relationship couldn’t be better.   Have zero intention on moving in together, life is good the way it is.   I don’t ask him to do anything for me, though I know he’d be there.   I feel so comfortable with him and talk about anything, as he does with me.   We do talk about our deceased spouses which I like, but not a lot, just stories or comments here and there.    He lives about 5 miles from me which is perfect.    Perfect situation for me, alone a lot and together quite frequently.     Life is good so far.


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## Liberty (Jun 12, 2019)

That's wonderful Debbie...sound like the perfect "companionship" situation.


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## debbie in seattle (Jun 12, 2019)

Liberty said:


> That's wonderful Debbie...sound like the perfect "companionship" situation.



Liberty,
Thanks.


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## debodun (Jul 12, 2019)

I've never been married, so have nothing to compare. But after seeing what marriage has done to people, I am happy I managed to avoid it.


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## Kathy5853 (Jul 12, 2019)

Really enjoying this thread! I am new to the forum and catching up.

I must say I totally agree with Bridgett- I think I am the “one” for me, too.


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## hypochondriac (Jul 12, 2019)

Im happily married now for 28 years. Im one of those guys who doesnt survive well on his own. I want this to continue for another 28 years but that is unlikely age and health wise. I couldn't adjust to a new partner either.


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## fancicoffee13 (Jul 13, 2019)

SeaBreeze said:


> Are there any single seniors here that are happier than when they were married? Are you content to live alone and stay that way for the rest of your life?  Those who never married, do you think that marrying someone would make you happier?
> 
> I've been married for a long time now, almost thirty nine years, and we lived together before that.  I'm happy in my marriage, but if anything happened to my husband, I think I would rather be single and on my own.  I doubt I'd have the desire for another serious relationship at all with another man.


I am a widow, and don't mind living alone.  However, while the kids don't come around anymore, I do long for someone to share things with.  So, I joined a senior group in my town, but home is still lonely.  So, I met someone recently and he said he only wants to be friends, and that is great with me.  He is a widower and seems to enjoy our company.  We want to share things and be there for each other.  Now, home is no longer lonely.  He goes home and I stay in my home and I love it that way.  I have seen lots of senior couples spend times together, be there for each other and mainly spend every day together but marriage is just not going to happen.  Love is there and they are very happy and not alone!


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## Camper6 (Jul 14, 2019)

Russian astronauts. Male.  After spending time in space, when they landed back on Earth were asked what they missed the most.

Their answer.  Female company.   That's what I miss now.  Just having a conversation or sharing a meal.


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## debbie in seattle (Jul 14, 2019)

fancicoffee13 said:


> I am a widow, and don't mind living alone.  However, while the kids don't come around anymore, I do long for someone to share things with.  So, I joined a senior group in my town, but home is still lonely.  So, I met someone recently and he said he only wants to be friends, and that is great with me.  He is a widower and seems to enjoy our company.  We want to share things and be there for each other.  Now, home is no longer lonely.  He goes home and I stay in my home and I love it that way.  I have seen lots of senior couples spend times together, be there for each other and mainly spend every day together but marriage is just not going to happen.  Love is there and they are very happy and not alone!



Great for you!     My relationship is much like yours.  Wonderful, isn’t it!


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## Marie5656 (Jul 14, 2019)

*I am still relatively newly single. Just since end of April, this year.  Before I married I was very happy being single, always hoped to have a person in my life, but though I dated, Rick came in my 40s and we were together 20 years. Married almost 18.
It is still too soon to say I am "happier" now.  I think my answer will be that soon, I will be again very content with my single life.  I have yet to come to terms that my marital status has changed from "married" to "Widowed".
Was my married life perfect...no, we had our bad times. But good times too.  So, while my new single life may, or may not be happier, I will not spend the rest of my days wallowing in sadness over what I had. Just trying to make my new singly life a happy and productive life.*


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## fancicoffee13 (Jul 16, 2019)

fancicoffee13 said:


> I am a widow, and don't mind living alone.  However, while the kids don't come around anymore, I do long for someone to share things with.  So, I joined a senior group in my town, but home is still lonely.  So, I met someone recently and he said he only wants to be friends, and that is great with me.  He is a widower and seems to enjoy our company.  We want to share things and be there for each other.  Now, home is no longer lonely.  He goes home and I stay in my home and I love it that way.  I have seen lots of senior couples spend times together, be there for each other and mainly spend every day together but marriage is just not going to happen.  Love is there and they are very happy and not alone!


I was satisfied living single, but at home was boring, lonely and no one to share with.  Now I have found someone and we are very happy with each other!  I didn't know if I could love someone again, and kind of afraid to, but not anymore.  Love after 65 is great!


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## deesierra (Jul 19, 2019)

I've been a widow for almost 16 years. I have done some dating, and even lived with a man for a year after knowing him just a few months. I thought we had a good connection but it fell apart, but I'm happy to say that we stayed friends. I enjoy my life now, just me and the dogs, doing what I want to, when I want to. BUT.....there are times when I miss male companionship, someone to go to dinner or a movie with, enjoy outdoor activities with. Would I want to be married or live with someone again? Good question. If the right man came along, I'm not sure I would even recognize that possibility, given my mind set. But never say never.


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## OneEyedDiva (Aug 4, 2019)

Nozzle36 said:


> If I had known at 20 what I know now, I would never have married. I've been married and divorced 3 times - which makes me a three time loser, I guess. First time 1 1/2 years, then 19 years and the last time 6 years. All big mistakes. Due to a thoroughly dysfunctional childhood, I was primed to make very poor choices. I stayed with the second one as long as I did because I had no way of making greater than minimum wages and I had 4 children  - ages 9 to 13, so I went  back to school and graduated with a BSN. He manipulated me into staying 5 more years. He was always demanding a divorce when he was annoyed because I wouldn't do something he wanted me to do; he demanded a divorce one time too many.
> My youngest daughter and her son has lived with me since her divorce - the son moved out for a couple of years and moved back with his son when he and his GF split 3+ years ago.
> I've now been single for over 30 years now and have no desire to ever wed again. However, I am certainly not alone with 3 other people living here - in fact, I could use quite a bit more of alone time at this point. My daughter fell and sustained a very serious injury last spring and has been home almost 24 hours a day. (She hopes to be able to go back to work this fall). Her son works part time and goes to  school part time. Someone is here almost all the time. I've always been a bit of a loner who very much enjoys her alone time  and it's been pretty scarce around here lately. LOL
> As for myself, I take classes at the local Junior college (TaiChi and art) and take music lessons on both banjo  and violin -  to keep myself out of trouble. I was very, very fortunate to work for an employer who provided their employees with very good pensions and I got in in time to miss the later cut backs so I can live fairly well and help out my kids and for the first time in my life save money. Everything is paid for  which never would have happened if I had stayed married to any of my husbands. We always lived on the financial edge of disaster. It took me a number of years to pull myself out of it.


You hardly sound like a loser to me Nozzle! You managed to get a BSN while raising your children and are now able to help them when they are in need. I totally understand needing alone time and hopefully you'll be able to get some once your children's lives get back on track. I hope your daughter heals well and soon. That must've been frightening for you both. I think there are many in this world who regret their marriage(s), especially those of us who lead with our hearts instead of our heads.


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## toffee (Aug 4, 2019)

one marriage is more than enough in a lifetime ' if i became single for some reason -I would stay single' but iam sure not alone .


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## Malika (Aug 10, 2019)

SeaBreeze said:


> Are there any single seniors here that are happier than when they were married? Are you content to live alone and stay that way for the rest of your life?  Those who never married, do you think that marrying someone would make you happier?
> 
> I've been married for a long time now, almost thirty nine years, and we lived together before that.  I'm happy in my marriage, but if anything happened to my husband, I think I would rather be single and on my own.  I doubt I'd have the desire for another serious relationship at all with another man.


I have been alone for 16 years now. When my husband passed and the children went their way. I had to settle into a new life of being alone. I HATED it in the begining. I had never been alone before. I went from my parents, to being married, and having children. As I settled into it, I've learned to appreciate it and me more and more. I very much desire a companion, I feel as if I paid my learn to be alone dues, but it is a blessing to know how to be alone.


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## Patnono (Sep 20, 2019)

SeaBreeze said:


> Are there any single seniors here that are happier than when they were married? Are you content to live alone and stay that way for the rest of your life?  Those who never married, do you think that marrying someone would make you happier?
> 
> I've been married for a long time now, almost thirty nine years, and we lived together before that.  I'm happy in my marriage, but if anything happened to my husband, I think I would rather be single and on my own.  I doubt I'd have the desire for another serious relationship at all with another man.



Definitely being single is Best, I do have a boyfriend of 18 years. He has his place and I have mine. I don't like having to making decisions with anyone, that if I want Ramen noodles for dinner that's what what I'm having. We can't even agree on where to go dinner?  My 2 kids live with me, I'm looking to change that, I don't mind living alone, I grew up with 9 brothers and sisters. Done with living with a ton of people.


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## win231 (Sep 20, 2019)

Life has been much less stressful since my divorce 36 years ago.
An ex girlfriend quickly found out I was divorcing & she quickly got back with me.  We got engaged after having a serious talk about honesty & fidelity.  Funny....she knew I divorced my wife after she cheated on me, but it didn't stop her from sleeping with her ex after we were engaged.  She said I was "Unforgiving" after I said a permanent goodbye to her.  I said she was....several things I can't post here.
Not easy to trust after that.


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## Patnono (Sep 20, 2019)

Thst


win231 said:


> Life has been much less stressful since my divorce 36 years ago.
> An ex girlfriend quickly found out I was divorcing & she quickly got back with me.  We got engaged after having a serious talk about honesty & fidelity.  Funny....she knew I divorced my wife after she cheated on me, but it didn't stop her from sleeping with her ex after we were engaged.  She said I was "Unforgiving" after I said a permanent goodbye to her.  I said she was....several things I can't post here.
> Not easy to trust after that.


Happens when someone's cheats on you. I've been married twice, my second husband was having children every where, that came back to bite him in the butt, he had to pay me child support plus the other kids he fathered. Yes divorce can be a blessing


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## Catlady (Sep 20, 2019)

Patnono said:


> my second husband was having children every where



Not exactly the same thing but your quote made me think of this below.

This girl knew that her mother conceived her with donor sperm.  When she grew up she took a DNA test and found her biological father AND 13 sperm siblings.  Her father was happy to meet her and the other 13 kids, they all got together and had a party.


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## Patnono (Sep 20, 2019)

PVC said:


> Not exactly the same thing but your quote made me think of this below.
> 
> This girl knew that her mother conceived her with donor sperm.  When she grew up she took a DNA test and found her biological father AND 13 sperm siblings.  Her father was happy to meet her and the other 13 kids, they all got together and had a party.



My ex never had a relationship with the kids he fathered and now grandchildren. He doesn't seem to care?  I told my kids Bad father-Bad grandfather. Yea, now all those men who where sperm donors, the kids are now finding out who their biological fathers are. They showed one man who had like 36 kids


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## Suzy623 (Sep 20, 2019)

After I finally got out of my last marriage which, for a lot of reasons was unbearable, I decided no more, never again. And, at this point in my life I don't see me meeting anyone. Having said that, my parents will celebrate their 70th wedding anniversary on January 13. I regret that I will never have the closeness they have; I'll never have someone beside me that I can totally depend on; I'll have no one to discuss movies, books, family happenings; I'll have no one I can cry with or lean on for help; I won't have the opportunity to cuddle up with someone at night. If, somehow, someway, I were to meet someone with the same regrets in life I may re-think things. And I may not.


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## Patnono (Sep 20, 2019)

Suzy623 said:


> After I finally got out of my last marriage which, for a lot of reasons was unbearable, I decided no more, never again. And, at this point in my life I don't see me meeting anyone. Having said that, my parents will celebrate their 70th wedding anniversary on January 13. I regret that I will never have the closeness they have; I'll never have someone beside me that I can totally depend on; I'll have no one to discuss movies, books, family happenings; I'll have no one I can cry with or lean on for help; I won't have the opportunity to cuddle up with someone at night. If, somehow, someway, I were to meet someone with the same regrets in life I may re-think things. And I may not.



I know how you feel, though I do have a boyfriend of 18yrs, I can't count on he's very spoiled.  When I asked him to help with something he moans and groans....I HATE IT.  He does have a Good Heart, he's just Lazy.  I miss sharing responsibility for when things happen, I'm left to figure things out for myself. I won't marry him done it twice, Enough


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## debbie in seattle (Sep 20, 2019)

I have been a widow 2+ years.    Enjoy living alone, hate the lack of companionship (esp at night in bed).    I do have a ‘fella currently, being lonely at night isn’t a reason to rush into anything.


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## gennie (Sep 21, 2019)

I decided several years ago that good friends are much better than lovers.   A love relationship  requires too many commitments and expectations.


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## Liberty (Sep 21, 2019)

fancicoffee13 said:


> I am a widow, and don't mind living alone.  However, while the kids don't come around anymore, I do long for someone to share things with.  So, I joined a senior group in my town, but home is still lonely.  So, I met someone recently and he said he only wants to be friends, and that is great with me.  He is a widower and seems to enjoy our company.  We want to share things and be there for each other.  Now, home is no longer lonely.  He goes home and I stay in my home and I love it that way.  I have seen lots of senior couples spend times together, be there for each other and mainly spend every day together but marriage is just not going to happen.  Love is there and they are very happy and not alone!


fanci...remember  Murder She Wrote...the companionship between widow Jessica Fletcher and home town doctor Seth Hasslot?  Cool!


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## Denise1952 (Sep 21, 2019)

Heck if I know, haven't had the chance in 20 years to find out if I could live with a fella   Happy comes and goes for me, content most of the time


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## fancicoffee13 (Sep 21, 2019)

Liberty said:


> fanci...remember  Murder She Wrote...the companionship between widow Jessica Fletcher and home town doctor Seth Hasslot?  Cool!


I felt the same way.  Lonely at home.  I have met someone and we share, and go places together and he has his home and so do I.  No longer alone and the grandkids and children don't come around anymore.  So, I am in the same place and like it that way.  So far.


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## Denise1952 (Sep 21, 2019)

Liberty said:


> fanci...remember  Murder She Wrote...the companionship between widow Jessica Fletcher and home town doctor Seth Hasslot?  Cool!


And I loved the episodes with Claude akins


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## Liberty (Sep 21, 2019)

Denise1952 said:


> And I loved the episodes with Claude akins


You know, most every night I fall asleep watching an episode of Murder She Wrote...being a "flipper", tend to see if its one of my favs or not.  If not...flip over to Hitchcock or something else, but most always keep flipping back and forth.  My mom used to love Angela Landsbury and even wore her hair like she did!

Still think those older mystery type series shows were the best!


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## Denise1952 (Sep 21, 2019)

I love it too @Liberty And I was getting several seasons on Prime, but went through most of them, especially love the ones in Cabot Cove


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## Lakeland living (Sep 21, 2019)

Was married now I am not. I am happy in this life.  
 No not looking to get married again. You don't have to be alone though.


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## fmdog44 (Oct 12, 2019)

I'll never understand people like celebrities that marry 4 and 5 times. What words are in their marriage vows? "For better for worse for richer for poorer til death us do part"       "For a while until something different rolls around."??


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## Old Salt (Oct 20, 2019)

SeaBreeze said:


> Are there any single seniors here that are happier than when they were married? Are you content to live alone and stay that way for the rest of your life?  Those who never married, do you think that marrying someone would make you happier?
> 
> I've been married for a long time now, almost thirty nine years, and we lived together before that.  I'm happy in my marriage, but if anything happened to my husband, I think I would rather be single and on my own.  I doubt I'd have the desire for another serious relationship at all with another man.



My wife and I were happily married for 54 years until she passed away. I would never consider another relationship (I am still wearing my wedding ring 4 years later) but am starting to feel alone. Since I am a bit of a hermit (blame my shyness) I prefer the company of my peers in a forum like this one.


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## Silverfox (Oct 20, 2019)

Old Salt said:


> My wife and I were happily married for 54 years until she passed away. I would never consider another relationship (I am still wearing my wedding ring 4 years later) but am starting to feel alone. Since I am a bit of a hermit (blame my shyness) I prefer the company of my peers in a forum like this one.


My husband and I were happily married for 46 years until he passed away 3 years ago. I have not thought about getting into another relationship since his passing, but I still go out with my long time girlfriends and there have been many times where a gentlemen has chatted with me throughout the evening, asked me to dance, and even bought me drinks. Things have never gone any further. I am upfront with all of them in those situations and some still continue to do those things.


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## Catlady (Oct 20, 2019)

Liberty said:


> fanci...remember  Murder She Wrote...the companionship between widow Jessica Fletcher and home town doctor Seth Hasslot?  Cool!


Just saw this.  Long time ''Murder She Wrote'' fan here.

I always envied Jessica for her relationship with Seth, it's one relationship I have always wanted and never found.  I was kind of hoping they would eventually marry but never happened.  Their relationship was basically sister/brother, though.  Jessica was/is my role model.  I loved her hairsyle, the clothes she wore, and I would have loved to have had her personality.

I was shocked to find out that even though Cabot Cove was supposedly in Maine, the outdoor shots were actually filmed in Mendocino, CA
{{Exterior shots of Cabot Cove were filmed in Mendocino, California. The fictional "Cabot Cove" name for the series' coastal town was derived from the name of an actual bay harbor inlet in Kennebunkport, Maine, located near the town's center, on the road where motels and lobster shack dives are located. }}


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## Old Salt (Oct 20, 2019)

PVC said:


> Just saw this.  Long time ''Murder She Wrote'' fan here.
> 
> I always envied Jessica for her relationship with Seth, it's one relationship I have always wanted and never found.  I was kind of hoping they would eventually marry but never happened.  Their relationship was basically sister/brother, though.  Jessica was/is my role model.  I loved her hairsyle, the clothes she wore, and I would have loved to have had her personality.
> 
> ...



That is shocking news to me!  I lived most of my life on the Atlantic Coast in Nova Scotia and the scenery in Cabot Cove, Maine looked quite authentic. Kudos to the producers. I just got finished binge watching "Murder She Wrote" from Season 1, Episode 1 until the end. My wife and I loved that show, so it was a bitter-sweet experience to revisit Jessica and Seth without her. At first I had to get used to Jessica, since she stuck in my mind as a treacherous traitor in "The Three Musketeers!" (Lady deWinter) but I ended up loving her.  

But to get back to relationships. Does anyone who has lost their mate and lives by herself/himself find it hard to eat alone, or to watch TV alone. I am starting to adjust but it isn't easy! I am fine with books. I think I read about 1100 Kindle ebooks since 2015. Strangely enough, and I am leaving myself wide open here, I have taken a liking to romances.  Am I mellowing? Has my testosterone left for good? Real men don't read romances!!!


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## Old Salt (Oct 20, 2019)

Silverfox said:


> My husband and I were happily married for 46 years until he passed away 3 years ago. I have not thought about getting into another relationship since his passing, but I still go out with my long time girlfriends and there have been many times where a gentlemen has chatted with me throughout the evening, asked me to dance, and even bought me drinks. Things have never gone any further. I am upfront with all of them in those situations and some still continue to do those things.



You're still a youngster, Silverfox. I see good things in your near future!   I am pretty much done with relationships and live vicariously through books and TV, and now through this Forum. I fully realize that there are many in their eighties who are still very much active and full of life. So, those of you about to become octogenarians don't despair. It's just me!


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## Silverfox (Oct 20, 2019)

Old Salt said:


> You're still a youngster, Silverfox. I see good things in your near future!   I am pretty much done with relationships and live vicariously through books and TV, and now through this Forum. I fully realize that there are many in their eighties who are still very much active and full of life. So, those of you about to become octogenarians don't despair. It's just me!


Why thank you. I do feel young at heart but I still don’t know if I am ready for a relationship.


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## jerry old (Oct 20, 2019)

Well, you can state the post from #5-24 have gone into the toilet.  Not all, of course, but enough for you to check your bathroom floor.


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## Catlady (Oct 20, 2019)

I was reading up on Angela Lansbury and found lots of trivia about her.  She's 5'8'' and just turned 94 on October 16.  While filming Death on the Nile (1978), aboard ship, no one was allowed his or her own dressing room, so she shared a dressing room with Bette Davis and Maggie Smith. 

https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001450/bio?ref_=nm_ov_bio_sm


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## jerry old (Oct 20, 2019)

Overall, a female is a great assets; I hope they view males the same way.  
I don't think we were meant to live alone, but some of those were bent that way.
I am far to old to seek a female; my wife died 4-5 years ago.   I have nothing to offer a female, but I'm not able 
to function alone.  Who would want to live with a gimp?


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## Liberty (Oct 21, 2019)

PVC said:


> Just saw this.  Long time ''Murder She Wrote'' fan here.
> 
> I always envied Jessica for her relationship with Seth, it's one relationship I have always wanted and never found.  I was kind of hoping they would eventually marry but never happened.  Their relationship was basically sister/brother, though.  Jessica was/is my role model.  I loved her hairsyle, the clothes she wore, and I would have loved to have had her personality.
> 
> ...


Oh yes, my mom loved Angela Lansbury and her 8 decade career! Didn't know about the filming in Mendocino...thanks for sharing that. My mother also loved Jessica's hairstyle, clothing choices and her overall personality on the show.  Here's the famous song she sang when she was 20, in The Picture of Dorian Gray:

http://www.tcm.com/mediaroom/video/249061/Picture-of-Dorian-Gray-The-Movie-Clip-Sibyl-Vane.html


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## Catlady (Oct 21, 2019)

More about Angela Lansbury:

This is very sad, I feel bad for her.  But, she did win the most Tonys and won other awards:
Nominated 12 times for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series on Murder, She Wrote (1984), plus four more before, during and after the series, but has never won. As of 2018, Lansbury holds the record for the most Emmy nominations without a single win among performers with 18 unsuccessful nominations. 

And now I know why she didn't have an affair with Seth;
Lansbury was defensive about Jessica Fletcher, having creative input over the character's costumes, makeup and hair, and rejecting pressure from network executives to put her in a relationship, *believing that the character should remain a strong single female*.[132] When she believed that a scriptwriter had made Jessica do or say things that did not fit with the character's personality, Lansbury ensured that the script was changed.[133] She saw Jessica as a role model for older female viewers, praising her "enormous, universal appeal – that was an accomplishment I never expected in my entire life."[134] Lansbury biographers Rob Edelman and Audrey E. Kupferberg described the series as "a television landmark" in the U.S. for having an older female character as the protagonist, thereby paving the way for later series like _The Golden Girls._[135] Lansbury herself noted that "I think it's the first time a show has really been aimed at the middle aged audience,"[136] and although it was most popular among senior citizens, it gradually gained a younger audience. *
*


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## Marlene (Dec 10, 2019)

Glinda said:


> Yes, I am much happier single.  I've been in a long term relationship for several years with a wonderful man.  We spend weekends together and travel together but don't live together.  I have no urge or ambition to marry him.  I like everything just fine the way it is.


ah, that would be my dream situation.  I have no desire to live with anyone or get married, but I do long for a romantic relationship.  Finding a guy who wants what I want seems almost impossible though.


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## fancicoffee13 (Dec 10, 2019)

Marlene said:


> ah, that would be my dream situation.  I have no desire to live with anyone or get married, but I do long for a romantic relationship.  Finding a guy who wants what I want seems almost impossible though.


Not impossible.  I had a friend that saw her boyfriend on Fridays, and then went home for the week.  Over 30 years!


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## Marlene (Dec 30, 2019)

That sounds great


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## Pinky (Dec 31, 2019)

I know someone who has a decades old relationship with a man. She's older than me, probably around 80 now. They have always had their own houses, but go halves on groceries on the weekend when she will cook a special dinner .. usually a lamb roast. I'm not sure if they ever stay overnight at one another's place (didn't ask). This arrangement seems to work for them.


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## Loreen (Dec 31, 2019)

I was married for 5 years of my life at the age of 20 and it was horrible as he was abusive. At 25 I got a divorce and it was the best thing I could have done. The only good thing that came out of the marriage was my daughter. I have been single ever since even though I have been out with several men over the years, but never went the aisle again. I enjoy being single and occasionally mingling.


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## CrackerJack (Jan 1, 2020)

Old Salt said:


> That is shocking news to me!  I lived most of my life on the Atlantic Coast in Nova Scotia and the scenery in Cabot Cove, Maine looked quite authentic. Kudos to the producers. I just got finished binge watching "Murder She Wrote" from Season 1, Episode 1 until the end. My wife and I loved that show, so it was a bitter-sweet experience to revisit Jessica and Seth without her. At first I had to get used to Jessica, since she stuck in my mind as a treacherous traitor in "The Three Musketeers!" (Lady deWinter) but I ended up loving her.
> 
> But to get back to relationships. Does anyone who has lost their mate and lives by herself/himself find it hard to eat alone, or to watch TV alone. I am starting to adjust but it isn't easy! I am fine with books. I think I read about 1100 Kindle ebooks since 2015. Strangely enough, and I am leaving myself wide open here, I have taken a liking to romances.  Am I mellowing? Has my testosterone left for good? Real men don't read romances!!!


I feel as you do about eating aloneafter 51 years cooking and loving it for my Husband.

No, Old Salt, its not  easy adjusting and adapting to living alone after a long marriage or partnership and Ive struggled on solo and faced my future and have had to man-up  as we say here and get on with it and take everyday as it comes.

I have times when at home I can get comfort from sheer silence for hours and cant bear telly or radio on but I do love Music and play my discs and listen to Spotify as and when. I like my phone and coming on SF which for me is a good place to escape. I dont need or do social media except this forum. I dont need company indoors, am a private person but I like to go out and about and got great friends and close family and have aquired a good balance in the 5 years ive been a Widow.

My Hubby loved a good book and enjoyed thrillers and Clive Custler and Douglas Reeman and tales about UFO's and liked a romance story too and like me he liked paperbacks and we didnt do Kindle.


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## Ladybj (Jan 2, 2020)

Glinda said:


> Yes, I am much happier single.  I've been in a long term relationship for several years with a wonderful man.  We spend weekends together and travel together but don't live together.  I have no urge or ambition to marry him.  I like everything just fine the way it is.


Thats the way I would like it if anything happen to my hubby.   I do foresee that in my future!!!!


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## Ladybj (Jan 2, 2020)

Not sure if I would marry again however, God forbid my hubby pass before me, I will have a special friend in my life.  Where we would spend time together and travel.  Hubby is not a travel type of guy, therefore traveling is on my golden bucket list. I pray it become a reality.


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## Ladybj (Jan 2, 2020)

Josiah said:


> I always thought that married seniors could count on one another through thick and thin and that this was a major benefit of the married state. I see now that this hasn't always been the case for many of you and that's very disturbing. After many years together this person, your spouse, has given you a significant portion of his or her life, and for that a significant obligation is owed and it is ignoble not to honor this debt.


Not sure if I fully agree.  A lot of marriages were not happy ones regardless of the years together.  Some women (and men) start really living after their spouse pass away.  They find themselves traveling (depending on age) and start to have fun.. not all, but some.  Also, I have been married for 35 years and I don't feel I owe my husband anything and he does not owe me anything. I can say I have not been a perfect wife, but I have been a good wife.  Could share a bit more as to why I feel I don't owe him anything.  Maybe I did not get a full understanding of your post. I love him and do not plan on leaving him... its because I honor my vows not because I feel I owe him a debt.


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## Ladybj (Jan 2, 2020)

AprilT said:


> I married once, been nearly married a couple of times since, I did break off an engagement two decades ago, I am happy with my status, my last relationship ended over two years ago, because, he wanted to take things to the next level and I didn't feel the same about him in that way, same with the one prior, not to say, I wouldn't be more with someone I felt a real deep connection, I just wasn't feeling a need to combine households with either men, nor marry.
> 
> To be honest, the only thing I miss is the sex, not the stay overs, I'm still friends with them both, one there never anything beyond kissing anyway,, I've known one for more than 10 years the other nearing 8.  Can't say I miss the friendship since I'm still friendly with both, I could call either of them and have long chats any time, problem is my last guy, won't come over unless I agree we're going to be a couple again and why should I lead him to believe we can be anything more than just friends.  I care for him and if he needed me for anything, I would be there for him, I just don't love him in that way that makes me long for him when he's not around.  He and I are such opposites, but, for some reason, he always gives this speech about how much alike we are, we're nothing alike.  I admit, I do miss him sometimes, if only he wouldn't push that love nonsense.  Sigh.
> 
> ...


I love your post.. you know what you are and are not willing to tolerant.  You already know, there will be regrets.  No one knows you better than YOU!!!!


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## Ladybj (Jan 2, 2020)

AprilT said:


> Something weird happened the yesterday, a lady that I haven't a clue as to who the heck she is, sent a friend request to me on facebook, before I could decide if I want to accept that request, I messaged her to find out if we in some way actually knew each other.  This was the conversation.  I thought it was rather odd and thought, could I be so jaded that now when people do a search, for cynical, there's a picture of me with my name listed.  :lofl:
> 
> For the record, I love seeing people happy together, married or not, I highly approve of marriage and all things love.
> 
> ...


I had a similar situation on FB.  A guy (Foreigner) sent me a request.

Me:  Who are you?

Guy:  told me his name

Me: Why did you send me a friend request

Guy: For global connection

Me:  Because.......

Guy.. did not respond

I listened to my gut and deleted the friend request.


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## CrackerJack (Jan 2, 2020)

I would give my all to have my Husband with me and not laid to rest in the cemetery 5 years on. I have no desire to form a close relationship with a man but do have a good friend/companion who I met about a year ago. He is a good man, decent and trustworthy whose wife died about 2 and a half years ago and is grieving forher as I am for my Husband. There is no romance and platonic and we feel comfy with oneanother..so suits us both. My family like him and pleased we are good friends. 

So...In reply to the OT....I would give my all to still have my Hubby beside me like he was for 51 years and before that courting from teenagers and as he isnt I am okay being single and settled as I am.


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## katlupe (Jan 10, 2020)

I am happily single, such as living alone after leaving my husband of 24 years (21 married) because I was not in a good situation. I have been married three times and I am not doing that again. I am in a relationship with a wonderful man who lives about 45 minutes away. I see him at least twice a week and we talk on the phone daily. I chose not to own a car when I moved here so he takes me shopping and appointments or what ever. We do a lot of things together and it is fun to have someone to share that with. I love him and I know he loves me. But I do not ever want to give up living on my own. I am an introvert and value my alone time.


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## Murphy (Jan 11, 2020)

I have been solo now for about 10 years after two disastrous, relatively short marriages. I didn't get married until my early fifties (probably far too late) and think my first wife chose me because she hated to see someone having so much fun. The second one is anyone’s guess.
When ever loneliness appears, I remember past marriage trauma I endured and my thoughts soon turn positive. I am content living alone and don't envy those with long marriages, so perhaps any problem is with me? I feel the longer one lives alone one can get a tad selfish, in pleasing ones self when to do anything, go anywhere or buy anything etc
Loneliness can appear at Xmas when other families get together – many of whom cant stand each other, to exchange unwanted or pointless gifts– but not having family I share that time with my old dog.


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## Old Salt (Jan 19, 2020)

CrackerJack said:


> I feel as you do about eating aloneafter 51 years cooking and loving it for my Husband.
> 
> No, Old Salt, its not  easy adjusting and adapting to living alone after a long marriage or partnership and Ive struggled on solo and faced my future and have had to man-up  as we say here and get on with it and take everyday as it comes.
> 
> ...



Sorry to keep you waiting for a reply, CrackerJack. I think your husband and I would have had much in common when it comes to reading material. I had stacks of Clive Custler and Douglas Reeman books on my shelves until recently. I especially loved Douglas Reeman because I had spent thirteen years in the Canadian Navy. I gave up on Clive Cussler after having read many of his books when one of the settings of a thriller I have now forgotten was Baden-Baden, Black Forest, Germany. His researcher let him down, I am thoroughly familiar with the town, and he (or Clive himself) was raving about the view of the Alps which cannot be seen anywhere from that location. As to my switch to Kindle, I felt the same way you do at first. Nothing like the feel and smell of a paperback. But many of my favorite authors kept expanding the contents of their books and reading a paperback that's close to 900 pages is pure torture to read, so ... Kindle. To my surprise I got used to it quite quickly!


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## Jim W. (Jan 19, 2020)

Murphy said:


> I have been solo now for about 10 years after two disastrous, relatively short marriages. I didn't get married until my early fifties (probably far too late) and think my first wife chose me because she hated to see someone having so much fun. The second one is anyone’s guess.
> When ever loneliness appears, I remember past marriage trauma I endured and my thoughts soon turn positive. I am content living alone and don't envy those with long marriages, so perhaps any problem is with me? I feel the longer one lives alone one can get a tad selfish, in pleasing ones self when to do anything, go anywhere or buy anything etc
> Loneliness can appear at Xmas when other families get together – many of whom cant stand each other, to exchange unwanted or pointless gifts– but not having family I share that time with my old dog.



You've got the right outlook.

Anytime I start feeling a bit lonesome, I think of all the miserable married and divorced people I've known. 

I'd be perfectly happy to have one or two good friends to talk to and hang around with once in awhile.


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## CrackerJack (Jan 20, 2020)

CrackerJack said:


> I feel as you do about eating aloneafter 51 years cooking and loving it for my Husband.
> 
> No, Old Salt, its not  easy adjusting and adapting to living alone after a long marriage or partnership and Ive struggled on solo and faced my future and have had to man-up  as we say here and get on with it and take everyday as it comes.
> 
> ...


Thank you Old Salt for reading my post and Liking it. Im slowly getting my mojo back and interest in prepping and cooking but eating on my own is still a struggle.
Its been said to me that try having someone round and share a meal once in a while and even that is a struggle but I do have one friend who comes to meals every so often and I can manage this.
Also love my family here when they can pop in.

My probkem is a common one with people who are bereaved and grieving and it takes a long time if ever to recover lost interest in the domestic cooking at home alone.

I hope you are okay and keeping well ☺


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## CrackerJack (Jan 20, 2020)

Old Salt said:


> Sorry to keep you waiting for a reply, CrackerJack. I think your husband and I would have had much in common when it comes to reading material. I had stacks of Clive Custler and Douglas Reeman books on my shelves until recently. I especially loved Douglas Reeman because I had spent thirteen years in the Canadian Navy. I gave up on Clive Cussler after having read many of his books when one of the settings of a thriller I have now forgotten was Baden-Baden, Black Forest, Germany. His researcher let him down, I am thoroughly familiar with the town, and he (or Clive himself) was raving about the view of the Alps which cannot be seen anywhere from that location. As to my switch to Kindle, I felt the same way you do at first. Nothing like the feel and smell of a paperback. But many of my favorite authors kept expanding the contents of their books and reading a paperback that's close to 900 pages is pure torture to read, so ... Kindle. To my surprise I got used to it quite quickly!


 
No worries its good to see you. Yes hubby loved a goid yarnby Reeman and Custler Dirk Pitt stories. Ive still got his Reeman's in his cabinet in the "office" and it saddens ne when I look in there once in a while.

We went to Canada in1980 for a five week holiday in London Ontario and had a fabulous time with my in law rellies. They all moved to Nanaimo Vancouver years ago and then to Edmonton Alberta


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## saintdave (Jan 20, 2020)

I read both your posts, Josiah and was moved by both. Your a good man. I've been married for forty years and the only time we've been apart was 7 weeks when I set up a new home in a different city. I enjoyed the break, but it was a great re-union. That was 20 yrs ago. Again, I respect your posts, as I do all the others. I can't put my locale on here, so I'm Dave from Sydney.


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## Old Salt (Jan 20, 2020)

CrackerJack said:


> Thank you Old Salt for reading my post and Liking it. Im slowly getting my mojo back and interest in prepping and cooking but eating on my own is still a struggle.
> Its been said to me that try having someone round and share a meal once in a while and even that is a struggle but I do have one friend who comes to meals every so often and I can manage this.
> Also love my family here when they can pop in.
> 
> ...



I am doing okay, CrackerJack but miss daily just holding my wife. Strange that you should mention losing interest in cooking at home. That's exactly what happened to me except worse! I used to be a decent cook but lost that skill during the past few years. Nothing I cook tastes okay. My daughter is trying to be helpful by cooking some meals for my freezer but there's nothing like a full meal with fresh veggies. Microwaved food will never replace that! I usually go over to her place for a Sunday meal, so that's great, but the rest of the time I eat alone and can't wait to be done with it. BTW, you mentioned London, Ont. in another post. That's the place where I started my new life in Canada. I lived there for two year until I joined the Navy. I hope your day is going well!


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## CrackerJack (Jan 21, 2020)

Old Salt said:


> I am doing okay, CrackerJack but miss daily just holding my wife. Strange that you should mention losing interest in cooking at home. That's exactly what happened to me except worse! I used to be a decent cook but lost that skill during the past few years. Nothing I cook tastes okay. My daughter is trying to be helpful by cooking some meals for my freezer but there's nothing like a full meal with fresh veggies. Microwaved food will never replace that! I usually go over to her place for a Sunday meal, so that's great, but the rest of the time I eat alone and can't wait to be done with it. BTW, you mentioned London, Ont. in another post. That's the place where I started my new life in Canada. I lived there for two year until I joined the Navy. I hope your day is going well!


Yes...I know full well how you are feeling about wanting to hold your Wife. I feel exactly the same . I have his dressing gown on a hanger in my bathroom and each time I go there I cuddle it tight and talk to his spirit and weep but feel stronger and carry on with my days. Some may think this is not good and to put the DG away out of sight but for me I feel right about these little gestures and it gets me by. Us who grieve have to do what's right for ourselves...listen to others  but do what we feel is okay as the days elapse.

I have the same problem with eating a meal Ive cooked at home and for me sitting down no matter where it is indoors and eating it, I look at my plate and my stomach just tightens and a few  of mouthfuls I cant finish it and struggle and at times throw the remainder away. This is after five years. 
I like fresh food and my own prepping and cooking and not keen on ready meals or microwaving food except breakfast cereals. Cooked for me and Hubby for 51 years and it stands to reason that this no longer happens after decades of lifetime and its a terrible shock to have to adjust to.

It's good your Daughter is helping you and caring about her Dad. My Sons are very caring but there's no one else to check up on me and they are so busy with their own lives.
Iused to read some Reeman books but couldnt get into Custler's yarns. I love a good thriller especially a psychological one.  Yes we liked London Ontario and eent to Niagra Falls and Port Stanley and Ontario and did the sights and the Eaton shopping Mall which I dont think is there now

Good chatting to you Old Salt and you take care ☺


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## CrackerJack (Jan 21, 2020)

Old Salt said:


> I am doing okay, CrackerJack but miss daily just holding my wife. Strange that you should mention losing interest in cooking at home. That's exactly what happened to me except worse! I used to be a decent cook but lost that skill during the past few years. Nothing I cook tastes okay. My daughter is trying to be helpful by cooking some meals for my freezer but there's nothing like a full meal with fresh veggies. Microwaved food will never replace that! I usually go over to her place for a Sunday meal, so that's great, but the rest of the time I eat alone and can't wait to be done with it. BTW, you mentioned London, Ont. in another post. That's the place where I started my new life in Canada. I lived there for two year until I joined the Navy. I hope your day is going well!


Yes...I know full well how you are feeling about wanting to hold your Wife. I feel exactly the same . I have his dressing gown on a hanger in my bathroom and each time I go there I cuddle it tight and talk to his spirit and weep but feel stronger and carry on with my days. Some may think this is not good and to put the DG away out of sight but for me I feel right about these little gestures and it gets me by. Us who grieve have to do what's right for ourselves...listen to others  but do what we feel is okay as the days elapse.

I have the same problem with eating a meal Ive cooked at home and for me sitting down no matter where it is indoors and eating it, I look at my plate and my stomach just tightens and a few  of mouthfuls I cant finish it and struggle and at times throw the remainder away. This is after five years. 
I like fresh food and my own prepping and cooking and not keen on ready meals or microwaving food except breakfast cereals. Cooked for me and Hubby for 51 years and it stands to reason that this no longer happens after decades of lifetime and its a terrible shock to have to adjust to.

It's good your Daughter is helping you and caring about her Dad. My Sons are very caring but there's no one else to check up on me and they are so busy with their own lives.
Iused to read some Reeman books but couldnt get into Custler's yarns. I love a good thriller especially a psychological one.  Yes we liked London Ontario and eent to Niagra Falls and Port Stanley and Ontario and did the sights and the Eaton shopping Mall which I dont think is there now

Good chatting to you Old Salt and you take care ☺


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## Aintgettinanyyounger (Jan 26, 2020)

SeaBreeze said:


> Are there any single seniors here that are happier than when they were married? Are you content to live alone and stay that way for the rest of your life?  Those who never married, do you think that marrying someone would make you happier?
> 
> I've been married for a long time now, almost thirty nine years, and we lived together before that.  I'm happy in my marriage, but if anything happened to my husband, I think I would rather be single and on my own.  I doubt I'd have the desire for another serious relationship at all with another man.


I personally have been divorced for 10 years and do not want to remarry. I think I would feel trapped. I guess it has a lot to do with my previous marriage and how traumatic my divorce was . most people I know say they will never remarry and end up married again.


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## CrackerJack (Jan 27, 2020)

Aintgettinanyyounger said:


> I personally have been divorced for 10 years and do not want to remarry. I think I would feel trapped. I guess it has a lot to do with my previous marriage and how traumatic my divorce was . most people I know say they will never remarry and end up married again.


Hi. Not having divorced it hard for me to comment but to my mind any kind of separation in human relationships whatever the reason can be and is for many traumatic and painful 

A divorce must be a terrible wrench even if its a bitter one. I suppose it like having one's guts torn out and with the anger and bitterness a degree if sorrow can be experienced. I can never fathom out when people who split up and divorce say they are still good friends and rub along together, but I suppose it depends on the relationship. 

I experienced a rough patch in my long marriage which was a strong marriage but we had a difficult personal realtionship and needs and this led to problems back in the 80's but we stuck it out and reason being the love was so strong it overcame the trauma: However, it left scars on both of us which took decades to overcome and it was painful but we did it and were together until 2015 when my Hubby passed away.

I can fully understand your reluctance in forming relationships after your divorce but have you got a friend where there is no romantic connection? I have and he is a goid friend and companion and that's all and I never thought it possible to have a friendship like this.

Take care...can I abbr. Your user name to a shorter one if this is ok with tou?


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## CrackerJack (Jan 27, 2020)

Hi Old Salt...how you doing? Wondering how you are getting on prepping cooking and eating since our last convo in here? Do you find that you can go out and tuck into a good meal in a social setup and a diner and enjoy it? I can and do and only at home alone I struggle on and off


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## Aintgettinanyyounger (Jan 27, 2020)

CrackerJack said:


> Hi. Not having divorced it hard for me to comment but to my mind any kind of separation in human relationships whatever the reason can be and is for many traumatic and painful
> 
> A divorce must be a terrible wrench even if its a bitter one. I suppose it like having one's guts torn out and with the anger and bitterness a degree if sorrow can be experienced. I can never fathom out when people who split up and divorce say they are still good friends and rub along together, but I suppose it depends on the relationship.
> 
> ...


Sure you can abbreviate my user name. I probably should have picked a shorter one. I am currently in a relationship but I have never considered marriage. Nothing to do with my girlfriend she is great. My ex and I don’t get along but I do know some that are absolute best friends. It certainly makes life easier on the children.


----------



## Camper6 (Jan 27, 2020)

There's so many things you can do as a pair that are just not the same as a single. I'm widowed.
Travel for one. Going out to a show. Even eating a meal. Golfing. All kinds of stuff are just not was much fun alone. Too old now to hook up again. Friends are not reliable as a source of sharing interests. They go to bed early and are to me party poopers. You need someone with the same interests.


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## CrackerJack (Jan 27, 2020)

Camper6 said:


> There's so many things you can do as a pair that are just not the same as a single. I'm widowed.
> Travel for one. Going out to a show. Even eating a meal. Golfing. All kinds of stuff are just not was much fun alone. Too old now to hook up again. Friends are not reliable as a source of sharing interests. They go to bed early and are to me party poopers. You need someone with the same interests.


 Yes know just how you feel Camper. Its the caring and the sharing I miss and my widowed friends say the same. I went to see a live show last year on my own and the auditorium was packed with couples all hapoy and chatting in the interval and post show and I felt so alone..not lonely just alone and bereft the show was very good but it lost the dazzle not having my Husband sitting next to me.


----------



## Ruthanne (Jan 27, 2020)

I lived with 2 men common law at 2 different times and the relationships ended up badly.  I did enjoy the companionship we had early on and miss that but not the arguing over the same things or the cheating or in law problems.  

I am moving too slow at this point in my life for a relationship.  To make a new friendship would be nice but even that seems hard to do energy wise.


----------



## saintdave (Jan 28, 2020)

Beautiful story CJ I’ve been married 40 yrs My teaching took me away for 7 weeks I thoroughly enjoyed the break It was great to get back together though


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## Jim W. (Jan 28, 2020)

Ruthanne said:


> I lived with 2 men common law at 2 different times and the relationships ended up badly.  I did enjoy the companionship we had early on and miss that but not the arguing over the same things or the cheating or in law problems.
> 
> I am moving too slow at this point in my life for a relationship.  To make a new friendship would be nice but even that seems hard to do energy wise.



Such a shame that as we get older, the only good friendships are the ones that just happen naturally and by chance. The kind that are also, for most people anyway, rare occurrences. Try to go out and find a friend or force a friendship to happen and all you get is disappointment.

Not like when we were young and friendships happened easily.

All of my friends are online anymore and live several states away from me.


----------



## CrackerJack (Jan 29, 2020)

Jim W. said:


> Such a shame that as we get older, the only good friendships are the ones that just happen naturally and by chance. The kind that are also, for most people anyway, rare occurrences. Try to go out and find a friend or force a friendship to happen and all you get is disappointment.
> 
> Not like when we were young and friendships happened easily.
> 
> All of my friends are online anymore and live several states away from me.


Very true Jim. I have a very good friend like you describe: a widower of three years and grieving. We met by pure chance a while back and are good companions and platonic which suits us both in our mid seventies.


----------



## Ladybj (Jan 29, 2020)

CrackerJack said:


> I would give my all to have my Husband with me and not laid to rest in the cemetery 5 years on. I have no desire to form a close relationship with a man but do have a good friend/companion who I met about a year ago. He is a good man, decent and trustworthy whose wife died about 2 and a half years ago and is grieving forher as I am for my Husband. There is no romance and platonic and we feel comfy with oneanother..so suits us both. My family like him and pleased we are good friends.
> 
> So...In reply to the OT....I would give my all to still have my Hubby beside me like he was for 51 years and before that courting from teenagers and as he isnt I am okay being single and settled as I am.


@CrackerJack I love your post.  Glad you found a good friend.  God forbid anything happen to my hubby, that's somewhat the type of companionship I would want.  Sounds like the two of you have something very special...PRICELESS!


----------



## Ladybj (Jan 29, 2020)

katlupe said:


> I am happily single, such as living alone after leaving my husband of 24 years (21 married) because I was not in a good situation. I have been married three times and I am not doing that again. I am in a relationship with a wonderful man who lives about 45 minutes away. I see him at least twice a week and we talk on the phone daily. I chose not to own a car when I moved here so he takes me shopping and appointments or what ever. We do a lot of things together and it is fun to have someone to share that with. I love him and I know he loves me. But I do not ever want to give up living on my own. I am an introvert and value my alone time.


Sounds like a great companionship.  My hubby is an introvert and I am the extrovert.  Sometimes, although for the most part we get along fine, I think he will do good living alone but I don't think he wants to live alone.  After being married 35 years I think he feels a bit comfortable with me.  And he is a good man and I do love him.  I ask him the other day was he happy with us, our marriage he said yes... and did not hesitate.


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## Old Salt (Feb 4, 2020)

CrackerJack said:


> Hi Old Salt...how you doing? Wondering how you are getting on prepping cooking and eating since our last convo in here? Do you find that you can go out and tuck into a good meal in a social setup and a diner and enjoy it? I can and do and only at home alone I struggle on and off


Woe is me, CJ! I tried scrambled eggs this evening, with chives and bacon bits. And hated every bite. I think my sense of taste is going because there are more and more items of food that I used to love and now dislike. Eggs were one of my staples and now ..blechh! I appreciate my daughter's Sunday meals, but only because they contain all the necessary food groups, sadly I don't enjoy them any more. And in her defence: she is a good cook. She is going to make me some lobster rolls for Sunday night's Oscars ( long standing tradition) and I just hope that my taste for lobster hasn't gone along with a multitude of former favourites. Now THAT would be a disaster!!!


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## CrackerJack (Feb 6, 2020)

Old Salt said:


> Woe is me, CJ! I tried scrambled eggs this evening, with chives and bacon bits. And hated every bite. I think my sense of taste is going because there are more and more items of food that I used to love and now dislike. Eggs were one of my staples and now ..blechh! I appreciate my daughter's Sunday meals, but only because they contain all the necessary food groups, sadly I don't enjoy them any more. And in her defence: she is a good cook. She is going to make me some lobster rolls for Sunday night's Oscars ( long standing tradition) and I just hope that my taste for lobster hasn't gone along with a multitude of former favourites. Now THAT would be a disaster!!!



Hi again...I am exactly the same as you: and with me I shop,prep and cook my meals with a heavy sinking heart and this has been for 5 years this April and feels like yesterday. Ihave no one to cook for me no daughters and have two Sons who have their own families. I get invited to theirs from time to time but for the most part look after myself and its  for me a lonely upsetting  scenario.

Im so pleased you have a caring daughter who keeps her eye on you. Did you enjoy your lobster rolls? Sounds yummy!  My tummy churns eating dinners even sarnies at times it all tastes weird and unpalatable. So its not just us two have this problem as I know others who are tbe same who are widowed and some for many years.

Take care my friend. 
.


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## Pinky (Feb 9, 2020)

Mike, this is not a senior's dating site. However, if you choose to stick around, you may enjoy the cameraderie here.


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## Marie5656 (Feb 9, 2020)

*Mike...NOT a great idea posting a contact number on a PUBLIC forum.  As others have said, this is not a dating site.  Plus, the not so mainstream usage of the letters "xxx" does not give me a warm fuzzy feeling*


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## ClassicRockr (Feb 9, 2020)

It appears he's been taken off. Good!! 
Almost sounds like he was enjoying a few before posting on here. Saying "Cheers" at the end of his post.


----------



## Skyking (Feb 23, 2020)

AprilT said:


> Something weird happened the yesterday, a lady that I haven't a clue as to who the heck she is, sent a friend request to me on facebook, before I could decide if I want to accept that request, I messaged her to find out if we in some way actually knew each other.  This was the conversation.  I thought it was rather odd and thought, could I be so jaded that now when people do a search, for cynical, there's a picture of me with my name listed.  :lofl:
> 
> For the record, I love seeing people happy together, married or not, I highly approve of marriage and all things love.
> 
> ...


You are making too much of a mistake. Friend people who share your interests or sentiment, not those who mistakenly message you. As described, it really means nothing.


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## CrackerJack (Feb 24, 2020)

Hi Old Salt...wondering how you are and coping and id you are manaing with prepoing and eating meals and hoping theres been an improvement since we last spoke in here.

Me? Still the same infact my problem ha got worse and anxiety is the problem and mild depression and this due to problems in my everyday life but a couole brought on by my own self. However im eating at home but not as I should be. My family do not think about my issues but not cos they dont care but cos I dont tell them and keep tings to myself so unless I tell my two Sons then it goes unheeded only hot myself to bksme My DILS are good but one is seriously ill and the other one not really that caring and far too busy with their own lives. I eat and dine iut with fruends and on my iwn and have no probkem with this and enhoy it.

I hope ur Daughter is encouraging you as she has been doing

Take care Old Salt...love ur user handle...btw


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## MarciKS (Feb 24, 2020)

SeaBreeze said:


> Are there any single seniors here that are happier than when they were married? Are you content to live alone and stay that way for the rest of your life?  Those who never married, do you think that marrying someone would make you happier?
> 
> I've been married for a long time now, almost thirty nine years, and we lived together before that.  I'm happy in my marriage, but if anything happened to my husband, I think I would rather be single and on my own.  I doubt I'd have the desire for another serious relationship at all with another man.


I have been single for the past 20 yrs. after my 2nd divorce. I have to say I am far happier being alone and being able to live my life and live as I see fit and not having to worry about the needs of someone else. I get enough of that at work. I am free to focus on me and tend to my own needs. I seriously doubt that I will ever remarry.


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## Patros (Jun 10, 2020)

I’ve been divorced and single since I was 46; I’m now 68. Briefly dated after the divorce but realised that the compromises that were expected of me made me uncomfortable. And financially and legally, I’m much safer if I’m single. I do a lot of things on my own, I’ve travelled alone, I’m good with that. I have a few friends and a sister I’m very close too. I’m much happier and better off single.


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## Leann (Jun 10, 2020)

Patros said:


> I’ve been divorced and single since I was 46; I’m now 68. Briefly dated after the divorce but realised that the compromises that were expected of me made me uncomfortable. And financially and legally, I’m much safer if I’m single. I do a lot of things on my own, I’ve travelled alone, I’m good with that. I have a few friends and a sister I’m very close too. I’m much happier and better off single.


Very similar to how I feel and live my life.


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## Em in Ohio (Jun 10, 2020)

In marriage, I was always what the mate wanted me to be.  Now, I'm free to be me and happy!


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## Jim W. (Jun 14, 2020)

Patros said:


> I’ve been divorced and single since I was 46; I’m now 68. Briefly dated after the divorce but realised that the compromises that were expected of me made me uncomfortable. And financially and legally, I’m much safer if I’m single. I do a lot of things on my own, I’ve travelled alone, I’m good with that. I have a few friends and a sister I’m very close too. I’m much happier and better off single.



You're lucky to have friends and a family member you are close to.

My friends are passed away or otherwise gone and my sister and I don't stay in touch.

Not too bad really, just gets boring.


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## hellomimi (Jun 14, 2020)

Cookie said:


> Why do single people have to 'prove' that they are 'happy' and have to explain or justify not having a partner, as if it's some kind of disease or aberration?


True. It makes me uncomfortable if I have to prove to anyone that I'm happier now that I've got my power back. Regardless of their opinion on what should make me happy, they are not me. I know what's best for me and I'm unlikely to relinquish the power and freedom I'm enjoying right now.


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## hellomimi (Jun 14, 2020)

Lon said:


> I am single now and have adjusted to it since my divorce. Although I enjoyed both marriages and was actually happier than being single I have no intention of getting into a serious relationship.


@Lon, I saw your pic in senior high, the thread started by applecruncher. You look like my dad. I hope you'd come back here to say hi.


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## Nozzle36 (Jun 14, 2020)

"Jim said -And financially and legally, I’m much safer if I’m single. I do a lot of things on my own, I’ve travelled alone, I’m good with that "
That pretty much sums up how I felt after my final divorce. I tried x 3 and never found real happiness - at least partially my fault for bad choices. Didn't (and don't) trust my ability to make a good choice). ad but true.


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## In The Sticks (Jun 14, 2020)

I have to caution myself to not compare the realities of my known existence to the "what ifs" of something I don't have...aka "The grass is always greener..."

I'm sure some married people do it about being single, just as some single people do it about being married.

Personally, I like having someone to go do things with, but I really don't have the patience to maintain a relationship.


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## In The Sticks (Jun 14, 2020)

Nozzle36 said:


> "Jim said -And financially and legally, I’m much safer if I’m single. I do a lot of things on my own, I’ve travelled alone, I’m good with that "
> That pretty much sums up how I felt after my final divorce. I tried x 3 and never found real happiness - at least partially my fault for bad choices. Didn't (and don't) trust my ability to make a good choice). ad but true.


I'll tack on my own observation as well, if you don't mind, Nozzle.

When you go out alone and travel alone it opens up a different world.  For me, I've met and conversed with people I would not have otherwise engaged had I been with someone.  When you're alone, you're available for people to strike up a conversation with, whereas they would never have intruded on a couple.

I used to eat out alone quite a bit and got to know the servers and the "inside scoop" on what really goes on in those places.  I'm one of those people who servers will sit down and chat with as I eat.

I've gone on trips and had people amazed I would "do that alone."  I did a Club Med on my own and had a blast!

I'm divorced, too...just one time.  As you said, my choices are my own responsibility.


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## Nozzle36 (Jun 14, 2020)

I did a lot of traveling alone after my divorce - most of it by motorcycle and alone which caused quite a bit of comment about "a woman traveling alone". I eventually did all of the US and western and southern Canada - and had a ball! I eventually did Ireland, Scotland, and Spain (for horseback riding) then did Asia - China and Japan.  I was really impressed with how very nice and welcoming both these peoples were. Unfortunately my motorcycling days are over. I gave away my last motorcycle 2 years ago after being diagnosed with macular degeration - bought an electric bicycle though LOL.


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## Trippy Hippie (Jul 11, 2020)

I have been single all of my life and I have actually enjoyed it. I have owned my own Interior Design Business since I was 25 years old and that took up a lot of my time through the years so basically I was married to my job all those years. I just recently retired in March of this year just around when this whole Covid-19 pandemic thing hit and handed my business over to a longtime worker. Through those years of being single I have enjoyed the company of a few dogs and currently a 12 year old Yorkie named Poco. I have also enjoyed several relationships with men and I will continue to have relationships with men because I highly enjoy there company. However now at my advanced age of almost 70 there is no way I am going to get married. If the right man comes along and he wants to spends his old age with an old lady then we shall see, but going down the aisle it isn't going to happen.


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## Mollymoo (Jul 18, 2020)

There are many, many good answers here, so I'll just say, "Heck, yes!"
One marriage was sufficient, thank you.  Two children were definitely the best part.


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## FastTrax (Jul 24, 2020)

I was married twice and the career that I wanted more then anything in the world ruined both of them. Both wives were teachers working days with weekends and holidays off and many a time I was on 2 hour callout, had to work 10 to 12 hours with 8 hours off then back to work for another 10 to 12 hours sometimes for 6 days straight depending on my reporting point. If I was outlawed at a distant terminal sometimes it would take me a day and a half to get back home only to go right back out in 8 hours for another 10 to 12 hours. Jobs were put up for bid twice a year and if you didn't have enough seniority to hold your position you could wind up in another state for 6 months. Never thought in the 50 years I worked I'd be alone, It is what it is.


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## ronk (Jul 26, 2020)

I got married when I was 49. She was actually my first girlfriend when I was 16 years old. We reconnected after 30+ years. I think both of us knew it was a mistake from the start. We hung on for 5 years, and finally parted in a very friendly manner. For two years, she helped pay my Internet bill and took me shopping. I knew she was already in a happy relationship with another man. When I got my Social Security Disability, I bought her a new computer system. Then I said I couldn't bear to see her any more when she was with someone else. I feel free, but it's very hard for me to go grocery shopping. I have some physical abilities.


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## Mollymoo (Jul 28, 2020)

ronk said:


> I got married when I was 49. She was actually my first girlfriend when I was 16 years old. We reconnected after 30+ years. I think both of us knew it was a mistake from the start. We hung on for 5 years, and finally parted in a very friendly manner. For two years, she helped pay my Internet bill and took me shopping. I knew she was already in a happy relationship with another man. When I got my Social Security Disability, I bought her a new computer system. Then I said I couldn't bear to see her any more when she was with someone else. I feel free, but it's very hard for me to go grocery shopping. I have some physical abilities.


Ronk, Do you drive?  In my area, the Walmart Neighborhood Market has been a Godsend.  I make out a list, online. They bag it, bring it to my
car trunk, and load it. I've been shocked at the freshness, and selection. I never thought I'd say that, about Walmart.
I'm sorry that things didn't work out, with your old girlfriend.


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## Ruthanne (Jul 28, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> @Lon, I saw your pic in senior high, the thread started by applecruncher. You look like my dad. I hope you'd come back here to say hi.


@hellomimi  Lon is no longer on SF.


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## hellomimi (Jul 29, 2020)

Ruthanne said:


> @hellomimi  Lon is no longer on SF.


Yeah, a kind SF member PMd me soon as I asked about him.


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## Rose57 (Aug 12, 2020)

Even though the last post here was a couple weeks ago, I’m very captured by the responses.  I was with my late husband almost 35yrs.  He passed away in 2010. Although he had an abusive side. I never felt I could make it in my own. After he passed I was lost and immediately went in search of a companion.  I met a man who had been widowed for 12 yrs, that swept me off my feet.  
I thought I had finally met the love of my life. His loving ways fizzled out Every time after a couple months, I would leave he would apologize charm me into coming back. This went on for almost 8yrs. About the only good thing that came from the relationship was being I wasn’t dependent on him financially, those 8 years I learned to stand up to him, found my dignity, self respect and regained integrity.  I waked way from him 2 years ago and for the first time in my life I’m enjoy the freedom to pursue hobbies, interests, get to know myself.  I’ve learned to be self sufficient around my home, what I can’t do I hire a handyman.  I have 2 adult daughter’s, one whom has been here due me though surgeries, illnesses, or just to help. 
Overall being single far outweighs being married or in a relationship.


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## horseless carriage (May 11, 2021)

SeaBreeze said:


> I've been married for a long time now, almost thirty nine years, and we lived together before that.  I'm happy in my marriage, but if anything happened to my husband, I think I would rather be single and on my own.  I doubt I'd have the desire for another serious relationship at all with another man.


When my wife was asked, by her friend, if she would ever contemplate marrying again if anything happened to me, she replied:
"Oh no, I don't think so." Her friend thought that was so romantic. 
"Romantic?" said my missus, "nonsense darling, I simply couldn't face all that training again."

Reading through all ten pages of this thread has made me realise just how fortunate I am. My wife and I have faced triumphs and adversities together, the highs and the lows met head on, hand in hand. 

Throughout our fifty-three years of marriage there's never been a hint of a desire to part company, there again, there's never been a hint of infidelity. Back around 1990, we were at a wonderful dance competition, sitting around a table with other couples, the subject of unfaithfulness came up. A fellow that I have known for quite some time, was adamant that temptation enters every marriage, no matter how strong the couple say they are. There was no point arguing with him, he did though, annoy me, extremely so.

When it came to the actual competition I changed our choice of music, having spoken to my wife about how vexed I felt over the insinuation of adultery, she suggested we dance our Rumba to Elton John's: "Sacrifice." "What a brilliant idea," I told her, "but the subtlety of it will go right over his head." It did go over his head but we were like a couple of schoolkids wearing our wicked grins:

Elton John:

It's a human sign
When things go wrong
When the scent of her lingers
And temptation's strong

Into the boundary
Of each married man
Sweet deceit comes calling
And negativity lands.


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## caroln (May 11, 2021)

Shalimar said:


> April, you need a man with his own place--two bathrooms, meet there, leave your own place pristine!


My husband and I each have our own bathroom which I love, but I still have to clean both!


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## cdestroyer (May 12, 2021)

having never been married I couldnt say which is better...


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## katlupe (May 12, 2021)

cdestroyer said:


> having never been married I couldnt say which is better...


I can't say one is better than the other. It depends on the people. My parents were married for 60 years and stayed in love and happy. I have been married 3 times and would never want to do it again. Depends on the people and what they want out of it or expect it to be.


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## Jim W. (May 12, 2021)

cdestroyer said:


> having never been married I couldnt say which is better...





katlupe said:


> I can't say one is better than the other. It depends on the people. My parents were married for 60 years and stayed in love and happy. I have been married 3 times and would never want to do it again. Depends on the people and what they want out of it or expect it to be.


I've never been married either but I know I wish I had been and still was.


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## Tish (May 12, 2021)

Yes, I am much happier being single, I wouldn't give up my freedom for anyone.
Not that I was miserable when my husband was alive, I was very happy, just didn't realize how much work it takes to be in a relationship until now that I only have to please myself.


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## MarciKS (May 12, 2021)

cdestroyer said:


> having never been married I couldnt say which is better...


awww never? that's sad. but on the other hand if it kept you from not having to deal with the heartache of a possible divorce then that's at least something.


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## timoc (May 13, 2021)

The romance, the laughing, the walks in the park and the long nights making love are just some of the wonders of being married, *but, but, but* *but*, the downside is, you have to share your ice cream.


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## katlupe (May 13, 2021)

timoc said:


> The romance, the laughing, the walks in the park and the long nights making love are just some of the wonders of being married, *but, but, but* *but*, the downside is, you have to share your ice cream.


You can do that if you are single too. But I never share my ice cream.


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## katlupe (May 13, 2021)

Jim W. said:


> I've never been married either but I know I wish I had been and still was.


I think there are still a lot of single people out there with those same thoughts.


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## Paco Dennis (May 13, 2021)

After 2 divorces I met someone when I had stopped looking. Within a few days I felt like she was my "soul mate". We married ourselves, but never legally. We stopped having sex about 15 years ago. I am 69...she is younger a little. We have been together for about 30 years now. I am definitely happier with her as my closest friend, than being alone.


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## Ruthanne (May 13, 2021)

After what I look at what is out there it's mighty slim pickins and I'll stay single for the meantime.  If someone good comes along fine but not holding my breath.

Its been a very long time since I was with someone and no I wasn't happier with him..with the right person I could be happier.  My little dog makes me pretty happy now.


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## bowmore (May 13, 2021)

I was married for 30 years, then widowed. By a stoke of fate, I met @Kayelle, and we have been married for 14 years. I am much happier now than when I was single.


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## Packerjohn (May 13, 2021)

I hate being single.  I was married for 27 years and then I was married for 17 more years.  I miss living with someone.  I miss the chit chat and the fun of traveling with someone.  I miss the fun of cooking together and eating the meals together.  Can't stand those singles that sit and waste their lives watching idiot box shows on TV.  Seems that there are too many senior women out there that sit on the computer rather than getting out and enjoying life with a real person.  Of course, all those men hatting women will attack me ASAP!  Remember, gals, not all men are evil.


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## oldiebutgoody (May 13, 2021)

SeaBreeze said:


> Those who never married, do you think that marrying someone would make you happier?






I never had a choice as, sad to say, women cared one bit for me.


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## Jim W. (May 13, 2021)

Packerjohn said:


> I hate being single.  I was married for 27 years and then I was married for 17 more years.  I miss living with someone.  I miss the chit chat and the fun of traveling with someone.  I miss the fun of cooking together and eating the meals together.  Can't stand those singles that sit and waste their lives watching idiot box shows on TV.  Seems that there are too many senior women out there that sit on the computer rather than getting out and enjoying life with a real person.  Of course, all those men hatting women will attack me ASAP!  Remember, gals, not all men are evil.


It's not that all men are considered evil anymore than all women are considered evil.

It's just that we live in a world full of dishonest people who are looking for an easy mark and will stoop to just about any depths to take every penny they can steal from some unsuspecting, trusting individual.

A lot of people, myself included, are afraid to expose ourselves to that kind of risk.

I know a guy on another forum who lives in Wisconsin. I got him to join here a few years ago, but it wasn't his cup of tea. Anyway, he got divorced last year from his 2nd or 3rd wife. They were married well over 10 years and together about 5 more. 

So afterward, he sold the house and bought a smaller and cheaper one. He had some money left, so he signed up with one of these senior dating websites before the ink on the divorce papers was dry.

Wanted to jump right back into a relationship I guess. Show his ex that he could find someone else, too.

He immediately started getting responses from women who were obviously about half his age, all of them making a point of showing off their cleavage. You know good and well they weren't looking to marry or fall in love with a 62 year old man with a bad hip and other medical issues. They wanted to meet him and find out if he was gullible enough to give them money.

Sadly.... even though he knew what these women were up to, he was still gullible enough. He got together with one of them who came to his house with a bottle of booze and told him she was in dire need of $5,000. 

But he was so "smart" he only gave her $2,000.


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## Nosy Bee-54 (May 14, 2021)

Jim W. said:


> But he was so "smart" he only gave her $2,000.


Nothing wrong with a generous donation.


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## Jim W. (May 14, 2021)

Nosy Bee-54 said:


> Nothing wrong with a generous donation.


No, but there's something very wrong with a professional gold digger making a chump out of a lonely, vulnerable, recently divorced old man whose head isn't quite right. 

He regretted it later.


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## Murrmurr (May 14, 2021)

My most vivid memories of my marriage are the bad times.
I've been happily single for a very long time.


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## oldiebutgoody (May 14, 2021)

Jim W. said:


> he was so "smart" he only gave her $2,000.






Jim W. said:


> He regretted it later.






I would have given her yesterday's newspaper but not much else.


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## oldiebutgoody (May 14, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> My most vivid memories of my marriage are the bad times.
> I've been happily single for a very long time.






Most of my happily married buddies always told me, "gee it's too bad you never got married as you are a good guy and deserve a wonderful wife".  By contrast my unhappily married buddies have told me, "you are so lucky you never married" and go on to say unflattering things about women.

I guess it all depends .....


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## FastTrax (May 14, 2021)

FastTrax said:


> I was married twice and the career that I wanted more then anything in the world ruined both of them. Both wives were teachers working days with weekends and holidays off and many a time I was on 2 hour callout, had to work 10 to 12 hours with 8 hours off then back to work for another 10 to 12 hours sometimes for 6 days straight depending on my reporting point. If I was outlawed at a distant terminal sometimes it would take me a day and a half to get back home only to go right back out in 8 hours for another 10 to 12 hours. Jobs were put up for bid twice a year and if you didn't have enough seniority to hold your position you could wind up in another state for 6 months. Never thought in the 50 years I worked I'd be alone, It is what it is.



Come to think of me not knowing that my two (2) count them too former wifies having been educators probably looked upon me as being their only male student always lecturing me, bossing me around and such then I remembered this funny as all get out scene in 187 between Mr. Garfield and Benny Chacon.






Would I have had the nerve to say: You ain't no teacher fool, you just a sub ese. or efe twice in one lifetime? Probably not. No fun sleeping in the car after work, twice in one lifetime. Thanks for reading.


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## Murrmurr (May 15, 2021)

oldiebutgoody said:


> Most of my happily married buddies always told me, "gee it's too bad you never got married as you are a good guy and deserve a wonderful wife".  By contrast my unhappily married buddies have told me, "you are so lucky you never married" and go on to say unflattering things about women.
> 
> I guess it all depends .....


If I'd have paid more attention to the problems we had _before_ she got into drugs, she might not have taken that path.
No way to know for sure.


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## Ruthanne (May 17, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> If I'd have paid more attention to the problems we had _before_ she got into drugs, she might not have taken that path.
> No way to know for sure.


But she is responsible for using the drugs, not you.


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## MarciKS (May 17, 2021)

Ruthanne said:


> But she is responsible for using the drugs, not you.


You never know. He might be the reason she started.


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## Ruthanne (May 17, 2021)

MarciKS said:


> You never know. He might be the reason she started.


I still still stick to what I said as that would just be an excuse.


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## MarciKS (May 17, 2021)

Why Do People Get Addicted to Drugs? | Northbound - Living Sober (northboundtreatment.com)


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## oldiebutgoody (May 17, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> If I'd have paid more attention to the problems we had _before_ she got into drugs, she might not have taken that path.
> No way to know for sure.




People need to take responsibility for their shortcomings. Thus, her path was her choice, not yours.


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## Lara (May 18, 2021)

My father divorced my mother for another woman after 35 years of being happily married. Mother never remarried. It hurt us all.

One of my children, who has never married just told me last week, "I don't really care that much if I never get married...Nana told me that men aren't all they're cracked up to be".

I was surprised but said, "Well, that's true of some men...but not all". There are good men out there.

I was married twice, one bad, one good in that order. I'm very happy single but would not be opposed if a good man came along.


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## Brookswood (May 19, 2021)

I was very happy being married.   While I am also happy being single, I would gladly get married again with the right woman.      Even thought the circumstances surrounding my divorce were very painful, I would not let that stop me from getting married again.   In some cases marraige may be difficult because of family and legal issues that are involved.  I that case a permanent partner would also work.


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## hellomimi (May 21, 2021)

Packerjohn said:


> Remember, gals, not all men are evil.


When I started dating, I put this in mind that not all men are evil. I still believe there are good, decent men out there. It helps to be positive to attract the right one for us.


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## Nosy Bee-54 (May 21, 2021)

I am happier single. It's been said that marriage requires work to last. After 2 divorces, I have no interest in doing that work. It's so nice not to have to remember important dates like: date nights, Valentines, birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, and etc. Life is so much simpler now!


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## Old Dummy (May 21, 2021)

I've been divorced twice, but the last one was a LONG time ago. Had several GFs since, but none really in the past 8-9 years. Not having a woman around wasn't really my choice, but I have to deal with what life gives me.

I miss having a woman in my life, whether she lives with me or not. The emotional connection is the important thing. Is the grass always greener on the other side of the fence? -- yes, nearly every time. Living with someone can be hell, been there done that. 

So it's all a crap shoot. But we are meant to be together.


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## RobinWren (May 21, 2021)

We had our ups and downs but I would give anything to have my husband back, no laughing in this house.


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## Brookswood (May 23, 2021)

Nosy Bee-54 said:


> It's so nice not to have to remember important dates like: ...., Valentines, .



Ugh.  I don't care for Valentine's Day at all.  It's a made up day, that forces us men to knock ourselves out to prove ourselves. If we don't do it right, a years worth of loving behavior is washed down the drain.     Perhaps Big Pharma is behind it.  Surely, it must cause a lot of high blood pressure and migraines in men.


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## Pecos (May 23, 2021)

I have been very happily married for 36 year and have loved this fabulous woman through the changing phases of life from the intense physical passion of youth through to the calm togetherness of old age. I would not change a thing.
A few months ago over our morning coffee, my wife told me that she would want me to remarry if she had to leave the planet. She told me that I was not the kind of man who had any business being single even at my age. She knows me pretty well, so I will take her words to heart.
I do know that I am much happier married to her than I ever was in my single years


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## Shalimar (May 23, 2021)

Pecos said:


> I have been very happily married for 36 year and have loved this fabulous woman through the changing phases of life from the intense physical passion of youth through to the calm togetherness of old age. I would not change a thing.
> A few months ago over our morning coffee, my wife told me that she would want me to remarry if she had to leave the planet. She told me that I was not the kind of man who had any business being single even at my age. She knows me pretty well, so I will take her words to heart.
> I do know that I am much happier married to her than I ever was in my single years


She is correct, also very wise. You are a jewel among men. A wonderful friend, as a partner, even better, I suspect.


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## Pecos (May 23, 2021)

Shalimar said:


> She is correct, also very wise. You are a jewel among men. A wonderful friend, as a partner, even better I suspect.


Thank you, and I am delighted to see you back.


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## MarciKS (May 23, 2021)

Pecos said:


> I have been very happily married for 36 year and have loved this fabulous woman through the changing phases of life from the intense physical passion of youth through to the calm togetherness of old age. I would not change a thing.
> A few months ago over our morning coffee, my wife told me that she would want me to remarry if she had to leave the planet. She told me that I was not the kind of man who had any business being single even at my age. She knows me pretty well, so I will take her words to heart.
> I do know that I am much happier married to her than I ever was in my single years


it's pretty much impossible to find gold like you anymore. all that's left is rusty parts.


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## Pecos (May 24, 2021)

MarciKS said:


> it's pretty much impossible to find gold like you anymore. all that's left is rusty parts.


LOL, thank you, but please don’t give me a swelled head now.


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## Brookswood (May 24, 2021)

Pecos said:


> I have been very happily married for 36 year and have loved this fabulous woman through the changing phases of life from the intense physical passion of youth through to the calm togetherness of old age. I would not change a thing.
> A few months ago over our morning coffee, my wife told me that she would want me to remarry if she had to leave the planet. She told me that I was not the kind of man who had any business being single even at my age. She knows me pretty well, so I will take her words to heart.
> I do know that I am much happier married to her than I ever was in my single years


You are indeed fortunate.  My best to both of you.


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## Jondalar7 (May 24, 2021)

I miss holding hands when we walked, having someone to care for and do things for. I meet many women but most have been damaged by some jerk. I have also forgot how to flirt. I used to have a goal of getting a gal into bed. Not much of a goal anymore so I am looking for someone to travel and garden with. So I guess my best line now is " Wanna get dirty together?"


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## Brookswood (May 25, 2021)

Jondalar7 said:


> I used to have a goal of getting a gal into bed.


My experience has been that it is often the gal's goal to get me into bed...after I pass a lengthy inspection and verification process.


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## Time Waits 4 No Man (Jul 9, 2021)

Lara said:


> My father divorced my mother for another woman after 35 years of being happily married.


I've been divorced for about ten years now. I can't imagine any marriage that could be described as "happy" and yet ends in divorce. That's akin to saying a three course meal tastes delicious then turning around and tossing it into the garbage. To my way of thinking that makes no sense.


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## Marie5656 (Jul 9, 2021)

*Rick and I got together later in life. In our 40's. Together 20 years (between dating and marriage) when he died in early 2019.  we were quite happy..despite ups and downs.
Now that I am in my 60s, I would not consider remarriage. I am settled, and content. Happier? I am not sure. But content now. Happy in my current situation.*


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## Cameron (Jul 10, 2021)

I was common law for a long time with I thought was the right woman but we gradually grew apart.   Increasingly hard to find common ground we found.  So single since 2004.   At this point as I have retired and alone I don't feel lonely.  Always people about to stop and chat with when out for a walk and I'm always in touch remotely with my two siblings.   It would be great to have that connection and common ground again with a woman but for me i can't see it happening.  Friends with a wonderful woman who is married and happy with her family life .  We both share very similar outlooks on life  and what is important.  She is a couple hours away so we don't see each other too often.  I'm alone but not lonely.  The post cancer treatment side effects make it difficult to have a really active social life I find.  So I take what comes each day, enjoy the positive things (sun shining today and the puppy makes me laugh) and do not dwell on what was or what could have been


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## Keesha (Jul 10, 2021)

Cameron said:


> I was common law for a long time with I thought was the right woman but we gradually grew apart.   Increasingly hard to find common ground we found.  So single since 2004.   At this point as I have retired and alone I don't feel lonely.  Always people about to stop and chat with when out for a walk and I'm always in touch remotely with my two siblings.   It would be great to have that connection and common ground again with a woman but for me i can't see it happening.  Friends with a wonderful woman who is married and happy with her family life .  We both share very similar outlooks on life  and what is important.  She is a couple hours away so we don't see each other too often.  I'm alone but not lonely.  The post cancer treatment side effects make it difficult to have a really active social life I find.  So I take what comes each day, enjoy the positive things (sun shining today and the puppy makes me laugh) and do not dwell on what was or what could have been


I truly admire your positive healthy attitude.


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## charry (Jul 10, 2021)

After a disastrous start to Married life, when I was  very young., to a controlling bully ......which lasted 10yrs......my thoughts were ......NEVER AGAIN, ......
But then I met my soul mate 3yrs later, and married him 5 yrs later.......He’s my best friend, councillor, you name it, he’s there for me, .......even though, I’m now his sole  carer ,after his stroke......I couldn’t be without him.........dread to think of life without him...... and we ve  been  together 32yrs .........


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## Brookswood (Jul 14, 2021)

Time Waits 4 No Man said:


> I've been divorced for about ten years now. I can't imagine any marriage that could be described as "happy" and yet ends in divorce. That's akin to saying a three course meal tastes delicious then turning around and tossing it into the garbage. To my way of thinking that makes no sense.


I had a very happy marriage 95%+ of our twenty years.  Then for some reason known only to the higher powers, my wife decided she wanted to be with a good friend of ours whose marriage had failed.    Literally, three months before she left me for him, we had traveled across the hot humid South and ended each day taking a shower together and then plopping naked on the hotel bed, where we both got frisky.  Yet, she dumped me as soon as he became legally available.  Go figure.   I guess he offered her a four course meal.

I suppose I could moan and groan about the unfairness of it, but I go along with the old saying "Living well is the best revenge".


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## Gaer (Jul 14, 2021)

I'm a generally happy person, regardless of the circumstance.
But, lately , I've been missing the tenderness of intimacy, touching and taking care of a man.
First husband was HELL. Second was pretty nice but I think I'm happier with someone to love, respect and cherish.


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## NewRetire18 (Jul 15, 2021)

Gaer said:


> I'm a generally happy person, regardless of the circumstance.
> But, lately , I've been missing the tenderness of intimacy, touching and taking care of a man.
> First husband was HELL. Second was pretty nice but I think I'm happier with someone to love, respect and cherish.


I would agree with this sentiment. My first wife, well, poor dear, suffered from internal demons a lot. I called it a day, and took a 12 year break, and stumbled upon a great life partner. I say stumbled, because I definitely wasn't looking. At the end of the day, it's not all roses, but it has been more than satisfying and comfortable for over 37 years. This (unanimously!...lol) will be our last, even though I know that we will definitely be sad when the day comes that one of us passes first.


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## funsearcher! (Jul 15, 2021)

I've been single and I've been married, different levels of happiness at different times in my life. Right now I am single and comfortable with it. Although I would be lying if I didn't admit I would consider a relationship with the right guy.


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## Judycat (Jul 15, 2021)

Never thought it would be, but being single is my utopia. I'm responsible only for myself, something I've never experienced during the first 60 years of my life.


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## OneEyedDiva (Jul 15, 2021)

Gaer said:


> I'm a generally happy person, regardless of the circumstance.
> But, lately , I've been missing the tenderness of intimacy, touching and taking care of a man.
> First husband was HELL. Second was pretty nice but I think I'm happier with someone to love, respect and cherish.


I know what you mean Gaer. After my husband passed I felt I wouldn't ever want to be bothered with a relationship again. But it's been two and a half years now (hard to believe) and sometimes I feel like I wouldn't mind having a "friend *without* benefits"...LOL  Still, I'm very happy being "single" again. I definitely would never marry again.


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## Leann (Aug 1, 2021)

I was married for 26 years and have been single for the last 12 years. During these last 12 years, I've dated but had zero interest in getting remarried. I still feel that way. I recently met a nice man who doesn't want to get married, either. We spend time together on the weekends but it isn't smothering. It's been nice and relaxed.


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## feywon (Aug 1, 2021)

Happily single for almost 22 yrs now. Celibate as well that long. i can still appreciate an attractive man, but i'm even more attracted by intelligence, humor, and compassion now than when younger.  When puberty kicked in it forced me out of my solitary habits to satisfy the libido that blossomed tho exploded is more what it felt like.   i've been married 3 times, best thing from first two was my children, best thing from #3 was finally figuring our why i made the choices did, but i was always better at picking male friends than husbands or lovers. 

i am annoyed not flattered (despite their transparent attempts) by men on FB who want to start a 'friendship' with me and think making a 'cold call' type of reply (most recently wanting me to friend them) to a post of mine instead of hey--reply to the post, converse with me about the topic!!! On the upside they remind me why i'm 'not looking'. i wouldn't tempt the Universe by saying 'Never' (kind of how i got #3)...but don't even miss sex. Since Menopause occurred while still feeling connected to #3 so relatively sure my emotions a bigger factor in 'desire' than libido post menopause. And i likely would propase a Kahlo-Rivera housing situation should i ever find myself in a relationship. 

But when i compare my levels of joy when partnered and when not--i joke with my kids that should i ever talk 'commitment' to man again they they might want to consider a mental health 'commitment'.


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## Ladybj (Aug 10, 2021)

SeaBreeze said:


> Are there any single seniors here that are happier than when they were married? Are you content to live alone and stay that way for the rest of your life?  Those who never married, do you think that marrying someone would make you happier?
> 
> I've been married for a long time now, almost thirty nine years, and we lived together before that.  I'm happy in my marriage, but if anything happened to my husband, I think I would rather be single and on my own.  I doubt I'd have the desire for another serious relationship at all with another man.


I feel the same way.  I have been married, so far for 37 years.  Love him dearly but not sure I would want to go that route again.  I may have a special friend but not marriage.  He would definitely have his own place and I have mine.


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