# Ill and no phone calls from sister



## Aurora (Nov 14, 2017)

Recentliy I was in a hospital with heart surgery and my sister (also senior) was there almost every day for me and I appreciate that-- I spent 6 weeks at home recovering and I still am recovering but I am much better. Well, she came over once and had a big temper tantrum and ran out because I questioned what took her so long driving the 45 minute trip. (She had gone to the bakery to buy me things that I told her firmly I did not want) While she was screaming, I told her to go home--- so she did and left me a nasty birthday card. I spent my B-day alone.. I have  not heard from her since. She thinks this is all my fault.

Well, I am alone taking care of myself, house bound with my medicine and pains. I have no one to help me/ thank God for the nurses  
And I am angry at her for doing nothing. She really is no good at follow through but she was also very good at the hospital

Think I should call her or text or send a card?


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## Meanderer (Nov 14, 2017)

If you have been Sisters this long in life, you should know each other by now.  Forgive and forget.


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## SeaBreeze (Nov 14, 2017)

I'd give her a call, seems like both of you should apologize and make up, you especially, no sense in holding a grudge.  She was there for you in the hospital, and her drive took longer because she was trying to do something nice for you.  I can't blame her for being upset, I think she's doing her best to look out for you.  Sometimes we have to be grateful for what we have, and not expect or demand any more.  You're lucky to have a sister who obviously loves you.


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## terry123 (Nov 14, 2017)

I agree, time to forgive and move forward,


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## RadishRose (Nov 14, 2017)

I know you were emphatic that you didn't want any bakery goodies, but it's clear she thought you didn't really mean it and maybe wanted to share with you.

How was it she already had a nasty birthday card with her to leave for you?  Was it meant to be funny?

I agree, I think a call or maybe a call _and _a card would help. Good luck and by the way,


Happy Birthday


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## Meanderer (Nov 14, 2017)

.....Rose has the right idea!


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## Butterfly (Nov 14, 2017)

I would definitely call her.  I think I would have been a bit miffed also if I had just driven a long way to see my sister and brought goodies, and then been met with questions about why it took so long and anger about why I brought the stuff I did.


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## SeaBreeze (Nov 14, 2017)

I agree Meanderer. Happy Birthday Aurora, and sorry you had to have heart surgery, hoping you feel better now....take care.


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## Ruth n Jersey (Nov 14, 2017)

Happy birthday. I would give her a call and apologize. She thought she was doing something nice for you. She might have thought by you saying you didn't want anything what you really meant was that you didn't want to put her out by stopping at the bakery. I hope you can iron it all out.


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## Aurora (Nov 15, 2017)

First, I am her brother. Also she has a lifetime habit of not keeping in touch, not calling me.
and also having a fit if a family member questions her or her son *about anything at *all. She threw a fit in a restaurant once because
someone told her what she might want to eat!  This is her way. No one can tell her what to do.
When I had big surgery many years ago, she never once called afterward to see how I am. I am fed up
 and have nothing to apologize for. She doesn't want to talk about it. I have been struggling these last 6 weeks.
Alas, she is basically all that's left of my family.


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## Smiling Jane (Nov 15, 2017)

Okay, you're right and she's wrong. Now what?

You skipped over a lot of information when you created this thread, and now you're upset because we didn't read your mind.


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## Iodine (Nov 18, 2017)

If you knew she didn't like to be questioned and would throw a fit, I don't understand why you questioned her.  If you don't get in touch with her and apologize it sounds like you'll be alone.


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## Aunt Bea (Nov 18, 2017)

Iodine said:


> If you knew she didn't like to be questioned and would throw a fit, I don't understand why you questioned her.  If you don't get in touch with her and apologize it sounds like you'll be alone.



I agree.

When we grow up and mature we have an obligation to treat our family members with at least the same amount of courtesy and respect that we would give to and expect from a complete stranger.


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## terry123 (Nov 18, 2017)

I don't understand either why you would question her when you know how she is.  You don't sound like a very caring person either so maybe its best you either apologize or don't expect folks to give what you can't give yourself. I agree with the other person who said we can't read your mind.


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## Butterfly (Nov 18, 2017)

Being a pragmatist, I believe that you have two options here -- spending this time angry and alone and feeling sorry for yourself, or calling her to try and mend fences.  I don't see any door #3.


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## oldman (Nov 19, 2017)

To me it sounds like you are two peas in a pod. It doesn't matter who blinks first. It only matters that you are both alive to blink. IOW, after one of you go, the other one is going to be alone and then neither of you can blink or blame the other. Our days are all numbered now, so make the best of them because when it's over, it's over.


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## Shalimar (Nov 19, 2017)

Well said old man. In the end, pride and hurt feelings are cold company. Love each other while we can.


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## Sassycakes (Nov 19, 2017)

I had a brother much older than me. He started his family when I was only 5yrs old. He had 3 children and I would save my birthday money to buy them gifts etc. I was called Auntie will do it and I did. No matter what he asked me to do I was there for him and his family. Years later when I got married he only gave me $20.00 for a wedding gift. My Husband was in the navy at the time and my brother was a very high paid man at his job. Then when I had my 2 children my brother never gave them a gift for anything including their weddings and when they had their children. Did it hurt me ,Yes. Did I hold it against him ,NO. Until the day he passed I phoned him regularly to see how he was doing. It hurt a lot the way he treated me,but he was my brother.


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## Smiling Jane (Nov 19, 2017)

His loss, Sassycakes. I hope his money kept him warm.


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## debbie in seattle (Nov 19, 2017)

Sassycakes said:


> I had a brother much older than me. He started his family when I was only 5yrs old. He had 3 children and I would save my birthday money to buy them gifts etc. I was called Auntie will do it and I did. No matter what he asked me to do I was there for him and his family. Years later when I got married he only gave me $20.00 for a wedding gift. My Husband was in the navy at the time and my brother was a very high paid man at his job. Then when I had my 2 children my brother never gave them a gift for anything including their weddings and when they had their children. Did it hurt me ,Yes. Did I hold it against him ,NO. Until the day he passed I phoned him regularly to see how he was doing. It hurt a lot the way he treated me,but he was my brother.



My mom treated my husband and I like that, not to mention my 2 kids, her only Grandchildren.    It was what it was.


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## Sassycakes (Nov 19, 2017)

I really don't know how he turned out the way he did. We had the most loving caring parents, that spent their life helping him my sister and me. If my Dad bought something for himself he bought it for all of us and then even the grandchildren. My brother didn't even call my sister when her husband pasted away. After his death he left all his property and money to his daughter,and nothing to his 2 sons. He had so much money getting $185,000 pension and stocks and summer home,and his home. What he did to his 2 son's makes me very sad for them.


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## Shalimar (Nov 19, 2017)

Most of our personality traits arrive with us at birth. This is not always a good thing.


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## Knight (Nov 19, 2017)

Aurora said:


> .
> Alas, she is basically all that's left of my family.



So the last years of life you have left will be spent being angry about not wanting a gift that took time out of her trip to see you.
So many people have lost their lives because of some random act of violence and this petty annoyance is what keeps you from enjoying all that's left of your family?

I don't get it !!


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## Smiling Jane (Nov 19, 2017)

Knight said:


> So the last years of life you have left will be spent being angry about not wanting a gift that took time out of her trip to see you.
> So many people have lost their lives because of some random act of violence and this petty annoyance is what keeps you from enjoying all that's left of your family?
> 
> I don't get it !!



I don't get it either, but I sure can understand why his sister doesn't want to call him. Can you imagine what those conversations are like?

Aurora thinks his sister is wrong for not letting someone (probably him) tell her what to order in a restaurant and it probably goes downhill from there. How dare she buy him a cake when he told her not to? How dare she not show up on the schedule he demanded? How dare she not call so he can berate her?


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## nvtribefan (Nov 20, 2017)

Aurora said:


> Think I should call her or text or send a card?



Yes, with an apology.


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## nvtribefan (Nov 20, 2017)

Aurora said:


> First, I am her brother. Also she has a lifetime habit of not keeping in touch, not calling me.



And what is your lifetime habit of keeping in touch, and calling her?


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## Kaya (Nov 21, 2017)

I don't get along with my sister. We have always fought. Being older, we still fight. So, we don't talk. I'd rather be alone than deal with her attitude. But, that's me. Do what your heart tells you to do. You are the one that has to deal with her.


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## Aurora (Nov 21, 2017)

*I consider this thread closed--moderator.* I won't read more replies and I am taking a long leave from this site,indefinitely.
Some of you misun derstood this situation completely and I don't wish to explain everything.. You would just
write more snippy judgmental snarky comments. Sorry I posted this. 
 I got more advice than I want or need. The first bunch of comments are okay.( Thanks for the cards and support.)
  Don't get it? Well, I have been through the greatest trauma of my life--major heart surgery with enormous pain, suffering,
mortal fear and emotional stress. What part of that don't you understand? The pain does not end when you leave the
hospital--nor does the aggravation especially when you are totally alone. I am still recovering as I write this.
I still need pain relievers. So I get easily impatient with people. You would, too. I didn't think I had to spell that out.
So, long.


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## Robusta (Nov 24, 2017)

Well damn Aurora,ya dun went an got me all teery ied now.


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## CindyLouWho (Nov 24, 2017)

Aurora, just want to say I'm sorry for the emotional and physical pain you have gone through, you're ongoing recovery and strained relationship with your sister.
Life can deal us some difficult times to navigate though by ourselves, but in doing so I think we learn a lot about ourselves & how strong we can be when left with no other choice. We also definitely find out who are "true" friends and family really are, who believes in us when the chips are down and who turn their backs and judge us. Find those who bring out the best in you and you in them.

Wish you all the best...you are not alone.


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## Goldilocks (Nov 25, 2017)

I hope you are feeling better after your surgery.  I understand where you are coming from with your sister.  I have one of those too!  There is no perfect family, but despite this family is family.  None of us is perfect.  We know how to annoy, disappoint, and be angry.  The first sister to forgive is always the happiest.


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