# Do You  or Did you Have an Escape Fund?



## hollydolly (Feb 6, 2015)

Have you or did you ever have an escape fund squirrelled away and hidden from your o/h in case you had to make a quick getaway?

According to the media this morning..One in 10 of us have an escape fund in case we have to leave our partners.

The average amount is round £7,500..equal to approx $12,000 USD or $15000 AUD

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...cide-leave-partner-average-account-7-500.html


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## Ralphy1 (Feb 6, 2015)

Hmmm, how much do you have stashed?


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## hollydolly (Feb 6, 2015)

How much do _you_?


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## Ken N Tx (Feb 6, 2015)

I or my o/h (I believe) do not need one..


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## Ralphy1 (Feb 6, 2015)

Sorry, I no longer need one at my age and stage.  My most recent escape fund was spent on a prepaid funeral...


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## hollydolly (Feb 6, 2015)

Ken I understand that most people are very happy in their partnerships especially (as ralphy says)..._at this age._.but many are not, and to suddenly find yourself homeless or in need of an escape with nowhere to go and no money to go with is a terrifying concept for the young but more so for older folks who usually have no financial income of their own, so hence the question...do You now..or did you ever in the past, have an escape fund or even wished you'd had one?


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## Ken N Tx (Feb 6, 2015)

hollydolly said:


> Ken I understand that most people are very happy in their partnerships especially (as ralphy says)..._at this age._.but many are not, and to suddenly find yourself homeless or in need of an escape with nowhere to go and no money to go with is a terrifying concept for the young but more so for older folks who usually have no financial income of their own, so hence the question...do You now..or did you ever in the past, have an escape fund or even wished you'd had one?



Never had one..Been married 51 years and honestly I don't ever think she did either. We got married at 19 (1963) and started our family (6) at 21..


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## Ameriscot (Feb 6, 2015)

I've never had one but could have used it with husbands number 1 and 2.  If I'd had the money I would have been gone like a shot much earlier. 

Don't need it with this one.  100% sure we are staying together.


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## Vivjen (Feb 6, 2015)

I never needed one; because I always earnt enough to go and change my bank account and survive.


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## hollydolly (Feb 6, 2015)

That's the thing tho' VJ...so many people ( women especially) either only worked part-time or not at all and were often stuck in partnerships due to lack of available funds to enable them to leave .


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## GeneMO (Feb 6, 2015)

I have two bank accounts and two savings accounts in my name.   And gold and silver coins in the gun safe.  My ex knew I had the coins, but there was no way to prove it, or to find them.  layful:


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 6, 2015)

No Hollydolly, never had one myself or needed one, but I agree it is a good idea to have one.  Reminds me of this story about a guy at work who had a secret savings account.  Not sure the real reason for it, but I think his wife was very controlling.  Anyhoo, he confided in another female worker about it, and she went back and told his wife.  That's how I found out about the whole thing, he told me what took place and said he was in very hot water with his wife for the secrecy.  One thing for sure, if I had an 'escape' fund, I'd shut my mouth about it and keep it to myself, lol.


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## ClassicRockr (Feb 6, 2015)

Never had such a fund and never will. Wife and I just don't have that kind of marriage! "Escape", heck no! I love my wife and she loves me! Such nonsense!


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## hollydolly (Feb 6, 2015)

ClassicRockr said:


> Never had such a fund and never will. Wife and I just don't have that kind of marriage! "Escape", heck no! I love my wife and she loves me! Such nonsense!




what's nonsense???


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## QuickSilver (Feb 6, 2015)

no.. never had one especially for that.   Always had a joint bank account though... which I would have happily cleaned out if I needed to..


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## AZ Jim (Feb 6, 2015)

Holly, if I felt the need for a "escape fund", I would be gone now.  No need here.


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## QuickSilver (Feb 6, 2015)

ClassicRockr said:


> Never had such a fund and never will. Wife and I just don't have that kind of marriage! "Escape", heck no! I love my wife and she loves me! Such nonsense!




Aren't you just a lucky little ducky...  lol!!


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## hollydolly (Feb 6, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> Aren't you just a lucky little ducky...  lol!!



Precisely. !!


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## QuickSilver (Feb 6, 2015)

hollydolly said:


> That's the thing tho' VJ...so many people ( women especially) either only worked part-time or not at all and were often stuck in partnerships due to lack of available funds to enable them to leave .



That's the thing HD....  it is usually the woman who would need such a fund, particularly if she never worked outside the home and her husband kept tight control over the money.  I've seen women use all sorts of tricks to squirrel away money for a rainy day.   Buying groceries and returning them... etc.. just to put a few bucks aside for contingencies.


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## Jackie22 (Feb 6, 2015)

Amen!


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## AZ Jim (Feb 6, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> Aren't you just a lucky little ducky...  lol!!



:lol:


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## hollydolly (Feb 6, 2015)

AZ Jim said:


> Holly, if I felt the need for a "escape fund", I would be gone now.  No need here.



Jim, although where escape funds are concerned men are definitely part of that equation,  the majority of people who nurture an escape fund are women, and mostly abused women at that. 
So many women rely on their abused  husbands for a roof over they and their childrens'  heads and have nowhere to go because  financially they are strapped. If it's at all possible for people who are living with abuse whether emotionally or physically.. to squirrel away some kind of back up fund to allow them to escape their abuser, then why shouldn't they?...I am all for that believe me!!


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## hollydolly (Feb 6, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> That's the thing HD....  it is usually the woman who would need such a fund, particularly if she never worked outside the home and her husband kept tight control over the money.  I've seen women use all sorts of tricks to squirrel away money for a rainy day.   Buying groceries and returning them... etc.. just to put a few bucks aside for contingencies.




sorry QS I posted that last post before seeing your last one....absolutely I totally agree with you, if people can do this , it not only gives them a chance of escape but also Hope.


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## Vivjen (Feb 6, 2015)

Agree, Holly; didn't mean to appear smug; just lucky......and I did leave!
no violence or abuse though.....lucky again.
it is usually women; often with children; who have no money and nowhere to go; and who have no support or advice either.

but I did meet one woman; who was beaten up regularly; who refused to leave; she liked the lifestyle too much......each to their own i suppose..


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## AZ Jim (Feb 6, 2015)

hollydolly said:


> Jim, although where escape funds are concerned men are definitely part of that equation,  the majority of people who nurture an escape fund are women, and mostly abused women at that.
> So many women rely on their abused  husbands for a roof over they and their childrens'  heads and have nowhere to go because  financially they are strapped. If it's at all possible for people who are living with abuse whether emotionally or physically.. to squirrel away some kind of back up fund to allow them to escape their abuser, then why shouldn't they?...I am all for that believe me!!



Absolutely Holly.  Women trapped in an abusive relationship should not only stash some cash but should have a woman's shelter telephone number at the ready.


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## ClassicRockr (Feb 6, 2015)

Yes, we are both "lucky little ducky's" and darn proud of it. 

Now, we do have a friend, a lady my wife graduated with, that sent us her Living Will and it states that she is leaving everything she owns to her sons. She told us distinctly........"do not tell or mention this to ***", her husband. She does have a separate banking acct. for her SS and he knows about it. Other than that, the only other thing she could have, without his name on it, we think, is her older Mustang. In part, due to her Lupus problems, their long-term marriage isn't the best anymore. 



QuickSilver said:


> Aren't you just a lucky little ducky...  lol!!


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## hollydolly (Feb 6, 2015)

AZ Jim said:


> Absolutely Holly.  Women trapped in an abusive relationship should not only stash some cash but should have a woman's shelter telephone number at the ready.



I don't know about the USA Jim, but the womens' shelters' here are pretty dire, often worse than the situation a woman has just escaped from, with drug addicted, violent  women sometimes thieves and , sometimes with totally unruly children as residents // it's not somewhere all abused  woman wants to go ( especially if she is alone  has no children , is middle aged or elderly and has come from a middle class back ground) unless she has absolutely no choice. Many women actually choose to live on the street rather than some of these shelters.


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## AZ Jim (Feb 6, 2015)

hollydolly said:


> I don't know about the USA Jim, but the womens' shelters' here are pretty dire, often worse than the situation a woman has just escaped from, with drug addicted, violent  women sometimes thieves and , sometimes with totally unruly children as residents // it's not somewhere all abused  woman wants to go ( especially if she is alone  has no children , is middle aged or elderly and has come from a middle class back ground) unless she has absolutely no choice. Many women actually choose to live on the street rather than some of these shelters.


  Wow.  well of course I haven't visited one  in years but back when I was on the board of directors of a multi-million dollar charity fund ( General Dynamics) the ones I investigated were great.


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## hollydolly (Feb 6, 2015)

Oh believe me it's rife. I help out one day a month at a homeless/refuge shelter for women  and it's absolutely horrible. Some women get attacked by other 'inmates'..can you believe that, ? they come looking for refuge from an abusive situation only to be physically attacked again in a place where they are supposed to be being protected. Sure the attackers are usually given the heave ho outta there, but it can take days while an investigation goes on, and these people often have to sleep in the same room, along with up to other 5 strangers. All sharing a manky bathroom.

At 10 am every morning  apart from Sundays they have to leave regardless of whether it's raining , snowing or freezing cold, and wander the streets until they are allowed to return at 6pm for an evening meal. If they are not back by 7pm they can lose their bed space to a newer applicant.

Oh I could write a book, it's appalling some of these places..not all I'm sure, at least I hope not ...but many are just as I describe.


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## QuickSilver (Feb 6, 2015)

And we need to remember.. when women feel the need to "escape"... they are seldom alone.  They most often have children they are taking with them for their own protection.   When men hit the road... it's seldom with the kids..


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## hollydolly (Feb 6, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> And we need to remember.. when women feel the need to "escape"... they are seldom alone.  They most often have children they are taking with them for their own protection.   When men hit the road... it's seldom with the kids..



Absolutely correct..


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## rporter610 (Feb 6, 2015)

I didn't have one when I was married, but I have one now. I call it my "emergency fund".  It's less than the NPR radio show on money recommends, but it's the best I can do under my circumstances.  It is a good feeling to have a small cushion available for whatever might come up.  I see people on TV who lose their homes in natural disasters with practically no warning - a few minutes maybe - and they lose everything to a flood, tornado, fire, sinkhole, etc.  It always breaks my heart to see their tears and feel their panic.  I don't want that to happen to me, but there's no way to really avoid it.  If a natural disaster comes, then it comes.


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## hollydolly (Feb 6, 2015)

Good post rporter, that's another very good reason for having an escape fund.


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## Cookie (Feb 6, 2015)

Never needed one because I always had my own money and bank accounts.  I agree that all women should have their own separate bank accounts/stash, assets, etc.  Joint accounts are fine to keep money for running the household, but I believe it's important to be independent financially. You never know what's going to happen and you might need it.


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## QuickSilver (Feb 6, 2015)

Yes.... but one trip to the bank alone.... cleans out a joint account...  It depends who gets there first.. lol!!


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## darroll (Feb 6, 2015)

I think I have twenty bucks in my mad money stash.


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## Denise1952 (Feb 6, 2015)

hollydolly said:


> Have you or did you ever have an escape fund squirrelled away and hidden from your o/h in case you had to make a quick getaway?
> 
> According to the media this morning..One in 10 of us have an escape fund in case we have to leave our partners.
> 
> ...



I think it's smart, I guess I think it's smarter to be alone too, since I am, LOL!!  I'm to set in my ways, to coin a very old phrase


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## hollydolly (Feb 6, 2015)

My mother was in an extremely abusive marriage, she couldn't leave because she had children and there were no refuges then and no Lodging houses or B&B's  would accept women with children..No Irish, No Blacks and No women with Children.. (50's and 60's Scotland)
She always worked part t-me as a nurse but she was never able to squirrel away any escape money because she had to hand over her pay packet unopened to my father. 

If she had been able to have sole access to her own wage packet, she might have stood a chance of saving enough money to escape him, she never did, and after suffering from deep depression and several mental breakdowns and several attempts at suicide, she finally managed to escape when she took her own life at the beginning of the 70's  at the very young age of under 40 years old...

I am not attempting to create a pity party for myself here...but we have to understand there are still to this day millions..yes millions of women and even men...suffering just the same way. 

If by creating in any way they can an 'escape fund', then  at least it gives them some kind of Hope.


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## Denise1952 (Feb 6, 2015)

I don't think it is nonsense, if two people really love each other, then why wouldn't they want to each have something building up for them.  Life happens folks, and I think of the people I have known that were literally in shock when their marriage broke up.  Same people that had their "perfect" mate.  It happens, but I know it won't happen to you.

I wouldn't want to hide it, just each of us have something to fall back on should something happen.  It's not always infidelity, it could be death etc.


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## hollydolly (Feb 6, 2015)

nwlady said:


> I don't think it is nonsense, if two people really love each other, then why wouldn't they want to each have something building up for them.  Life happens folks, and I think of the people I have known that were literally in shock when their marriage broke up.  Same people that had their "perfect" mate.  It happens, but I know it won't happen to you.
> 
> I wouldn't want to hide it, just each of us have something to fall back on should something happen.  It's not always infidelity, it could be death etc.



I completely agree Denise.


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## Denise1952 (Feb 6, 2015)

I suppose when we get to a certain time in our life, we don't need a fund because our get-up-and-go, got-up-and-went.  No ones going anywhere now, plus people who've been together well into old age, I imagine they can't imagine life without one another.  I wonder what the stats are on, say, folks over 60 getting divorces.  I mean folks that have been together for 40 or more years lets say.   I still know things happen though, for death of a mate, have your life insurance.  I guess there's some geezers and geezerette's that are still out there doing nono's, who knows, LOL!


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## Mrs. Robinson (Feb 6, 2015)

I never felt like I needed one, and if anything ever happened to him,there were enough assets to take care of me and the kids. I`ve always wondered,do people really change that dramatically or do people just make poor choices in a mate in the first place? I am in no way dissing anyone who has been married more than once-I am honestly very curious. Wes and I knew from the moment we met that we were destined to be together for the rest of our lives. But does everyone feel that way? Or do they just think "Well,it`s good for now." I know we were awfully young when we met (15 & 17) and when we married (17 & 19) but I KNEW him. I KNEW I would never have to worry about him ever laying a hand on me or cheating on me. I KNEW he would be a great dad and a great provider. I guess I`m saying that I KNEW his character,and that doesn`t change in a person. Anyway,that`s why I never felt the need for an escape fund.


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## QuickSilver (Feb 6, 2015)

Mrs. Robinson said:


> I never felt like I needed one, and if anything ever happened to him,there were enough assets to take care of me and the kids. I`ve always wondered,do people really change that dramatically or do people just make poor choices in a mate in the first place? I am in no way dissing anyone who has been married more than once-I am honestly very curious. Wes and I knew from the moment we met that we were destined to be together for the rest of our lives. But does everyone feel that way? Or do they just think "Well,it`s good for now." I know we were awfully young when we met (15 & 17) and when we married (17 & 19) but I KNEW him. I KNEW I would never have to worry about him ever laying a hand on me or cheating on me. I KNEW he would be a great dad and a great provider. I guess I`m saying that I KNEW his character,and that doesn`t change in a person. Anyway,that`s why I never felt the need for an escape fund.



Well.... let's see.  Does anyone tell their prospective wife (or husband)... look... I want to marry you.. and I love you... BUT I'm a serial womanizer and I am going to screw anything that let's me... so.. Dear.. If you are OK with that.. let's get hitched!!   lol!!   You were LUCKY.... that's all.  Nobody knows any one.. until they let their guard down.


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## Denise1952 (Feb 6, 2015)

Mrs. Robinson said:


> I never felt like I needed one, and if anything ever happened to him,there were enough assets to take care of me and the kids. I`ve always wondered,do people really change that dramatically or do people just make poor choices in a mate in the first place? I am in no way dissing anyone who has been married more than once-I am honestly very curious. Wes and I knew from the moment we met that we were destined to be together for the rest of our lives. But does everyone feel that way? Or do they just think "Well,it`s good for now." I know we were awfully young when we met (15 & 17) and when we married (17 & 19) but I KNEW him. I KNEW I would never have to worry about him ever laying a hand on me or cheating on me. I KNEW he would be a great dad and a great provider. I guess I`m saying that I KNEW his character,and that doesn`t change in a person. Anyway,that`s why I never felt the need for an escape fund.



I think you have something for sure Ginna, poor choices in the beginning, and I mean for men and women.  I think that must have been wonderful, just to know, and yes, I do believe it happens


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## ClassicRockr (Feb 6, 2015)

I'll tell you what I see in this thread......a number of people that were hurt, some a whole lot, by their former spouse and they can't help to talk the way they do!

Yes, Mrs. Robinson was "lucky".........as in lucky to find a loving, caring, sharing man! Just the same as I was in meeting my wife. But, "luck" really hasn't got much, if any thing to do with it. What it really is, is knowing what you want and going after that. It took me 24 years to really figure that out and it worked for me. Neither of us had to worry about "letting our guard down", because we REALLY fell in love with each other, trusted each other and so on. There was no "guard up" at any time! 

I absolutely agree with Mrs.Robinson about not needing one *IF* you marry the right person. Unfortunately, some people do change for the worse, and some a lot, after they get married. Both, wife and I, experienced that with our previous marriages. But, we grew/learned from our mistakes and made our lives better by meeting the right one. We have the same banking account and IMO, that's what a great marriage is all about! 

As far as having a "financial stash", I really don't call that a marriage! Marriage is about sharing, not hiding! It's about having enough confidence in the spouse/marriage that a "financial stash" would not be necessary. But, for you ladies that have been thru these tragic marriages, a "stash" might have been necessary. Only you would have known that. But, for happy, trusting, loving, confident marriages..........definitely *NOT* necessary! 

Now, my brother and his wife do have separate accounts because she wants to give more money to the church than he does.

Now, anyone else want to "pounce" on marriage and TRY to tell us couples who love being married, just how bad it is and what we should hide from our spouses? Go ahead, I love a good debate! LOL


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## Cookie (Feb 6, 2015)

ClassicRockr said:


> ......I really don't call that a marriage! Marriage is about sharing, not hiding! It's about having enough confidence in the spouse/marriage that a "financial stash" would not be necessary.



I think your idea or definition of marriage is but only one model or style that suits you. But it is not the only model or style of marriage.  People can determine how they want to go about things to suit their needs. Doesn't it make it right or wrong.


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## hollydolly (Feb 6, 2015)

MY God CR...you really have no idea at all do you about what can happen in any kind of partnership at any time. No-one goes into a marriage as has already been pointed out...knowing that they might need an escape fund....most people get married thinking it's all going to be roses, and happy ever after, until it doesn't, and they need to get out and sometimes fast!!


It's not about being deceitful in the sense you're trying to make it out to be..it's about protecting ones self, from the unexpected..

You and Mrs R...are lucky that you didn't involve yourself with someone who became someone different to the person you first married..someone who didn't play away or beat you or the kids, or gamble or suffer from alcoholism and spend every penny that they earned on it so there's nothing left for food or clothing or bills...

It's not a lifestyle choice for most people to marry someone like that, it happens often gradually...by then it's too late to get out, when self esteem has been eroded, a few children to care for, physical injuries which make one afraid to step outside the door and embarrassed they will be judged by the world just as you are judging now. 

In an ideal world every person should have some escape fund or plan just in case the unexpected or unacceptable should happen, but unfortunately this is not an ideal world.


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## ClassicRockr (Feb 6, 2015)

Ok, then why are the my high school classmates from 1968 *STILL* married?? Most of them married in the early 70's!  The only ones that aren't married now are those that lost their spouse and are now widows. Yes, my classmates marriages probably have had some "ups and downs" in them, just like my wife and I have had, but those classmates are all still married. Long-term marriages still there and going nicely without any "cover your butt" type funds on the side for each of them. The only funds put on the side, is their Life Insurance Policy. Not money to "run away" or "escape" on. 

I didn't have a so-called "escape fund" when my wife left me and took our 2 year old with her. She left because she met a guy that had his own business. How did I survive.......I had a job and got my own apartment. My wife was never beat by her "ex", but he was a "true blue alcoholic" and she had enough of it and left. 

After 14 years of great marriage, I dang sure know what a good one is........just like Mrs. Robinson does!

Like I said, it's the ladies that have had these terrible marriages that think this way. It's fine, but you are hearing from *HAPPILY *married people who wouldn't give it a though about having something like this. Absolutely *NO WAY*.  

And, by the way, I'm not "judging" anyone. Don't take what I'm saying so personally! Remember, my wife and I were both in bad marriages, two each, before we met each other. I just don't see any reason to have "separate" this, that or the other. 




hollydolly said:


> MY God CR...you really have no idea at all do you about what can happen in any kind of partnership at any time. No-one goes into a marriage as has already been pointed out...knowing that they might need an escape fund....most people get married thinking it's all going to be roses, and happy ever after, until it doesn't, and they need to get out and sometimes fast!!
> 
> 
> It's not about being deceitful in the sense you're trying to make it out to be..it's about protecting ones self, from the unexpected..
> ...


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## ClassicRockr (Feb 6, 2015)

I'm seeing it's getting a little HEATED UP in here.....just like the Religion thread I just read. Wow, let the Debates begin!


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## Vivjen (Feb 6, 2015)

My parents are still married; after 63 years.
mt 2nd husband died after 5 years...unexpectedly.
have you any idea how difficult it is to pay anything with totally joint accounts?
no money; everything frozen....and not knowing what to do next?


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## RadishRose (Feb 6, 2015)

I did not have an escape fund when I was married. Luckily, I didn't have to escape. I don't see anything wrong with it however, in case things might drastically change.


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## Jackie22 (Feb 6, 2015)

Many women go into a second marriage much wiser, protected and prepared with prenupts and separate accounts after the divorce...live and learn and all that.


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## hollydolly (Feb 6, 2015)

Jackie22 said:


> Many women go into a second marriage much wiser, protected and prepared with prenupts and separate accounts after the divorce...live and learn and all that.



 You're so right Jackie absolutely they do and with 20-20 hindsight vision

VJ...it must have been an absolutely horrific time to find yourself after the loss of your husband with no access to funds at the worst possible time of your life. This is a huge problem with Joint bank accounts, and one of the many disadvantages of having them.

Certainly I would always advocate that even if a JC is in place that both parties also have separate accounts as well, a horrible and tragic  way to discover that for you though ...


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## Jackie22 (Feb 6, 2015)

I'll tell you another reason to be protected in a second marriage.....step children.


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## Vivjen (Feb 6, 2015)

Thanks, Holly; fortunately we had gone into this marriage with our eyes open; and a deal worked out; I earnt it, he spent it!
however, the situation is quite common when people get married young; with ideals which don't always work out.
that is why I feel that some independant money is always a good thing; it isn't a question of secrets; it is a question of practicalities...
bTW; I hope your back is improving ....


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## hollydolly (Feb 6, 2015)

Couldn't agree more Viv..this is what I've been saying all along. Preparation for the unexpected  has to be key.

No unfortunately my back is in a real mess still, just taken another huge horse pill to try and stop the spasms...but thank you for thinking of me , bless you. xx


Jackie...oh yes Step children can  definitely be  a huge part of the equation..


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## Vivjen (Feb 6, 2015)

Yes...step-children is a whole issue in itself....


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## QuickSilver (Feb 6, 2015)

Vivjen said:


> Yes...step-children is a whole issue in itself....




Amen...


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## QuickSilver (Feb 6, 2015)

ClassicRockr said:


> I'll tell you what I see in this thread......a number of people that were hurt, some a whole lot, by their former spouse and they can't help to talk the way they do!
> 
> Yes, Mrs. Robinson was "lucky".........as in lucky to find a loving, caring, sharing man! Just the same as I was in meeting my wife. But, "luck" really hasn't got much, if any thing to do with it. What it really is, is knowing what you want and going after that. It took me 24 years to really figure that out and it worked for me. Neither of us had to worry about "letting our guard down", because we REALLY fell in love with each other, trusted each other and so on. There was no "guard up" at any time!
> 
> ...



Oh... well... then you just must be smarter... and more perceptive... and a whole lot better than the rest of us that were so STUPID to marry the wrong person.   If only we could have been as smart as you...    You are coming off pretty bad here CR...  A little sanctimonious... to say the least.


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## Cookie (Feb 6, 2015)

CR, your missing the point in a big way ..... no one is down on marriage or thinks it is bad.  We're talking about something like an escape route IF things go wrong - and based on statistics, they often do, and the person left holding the bag or abused is usually the woman. Your idea of marriage may be suitable for you, but its not the only way. There's no way of really knowing if your partner is actually the right person because people can develop a serious mental illness any time and become violent and abusive and dangerous - this happens and it could happen to you too. It has nothing to do with relationships and marriage choice but everything to do with psychiatric issues too, people get mentally ill, or they reveal themselves to be psychopaths.


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## ClassicRockr (Feb 6, 2015)

So, along with me, you are also disagreeing with Mrs. Robinson, right? I mean, she said their marriage sure didn't need one. 

Are all of you completely forgetting about Life Insurance, in case of death?  Just think what the world would be like if everyone walked around worried all the time about what MIGHT happen to their marriage? My wife had a lot more in finances and material things than I did, but she didn't worry about it because, as she told me, "don't bother me to share". We had no pre-nuptials, or anything like that done. After living together for a year, before getting married, we felt that we knew each other well enough. Heck, during that year, I got laid-off from my job, collected UI, but wife sure didn't leave me over it!


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## ClassicRockr (Feb 6, 2015)

Well, all I can say is.......Thank You! 

Anyway, both my wife and I were married twice before meeting each other! And, yes, if you was to ask us, both of us would say that we were definitely STUPID for marrying who we did. Love can be/is blind sometimes just like "physical attraction", more than actually "love" can ruin a marriage. The "physical attraction" thing was gone thru by both of us in a previous marriage. 



QuickSilver said:


> Oh... well... then you just must be smarter... and more perceptive... and a whole lot better than the rest of us that were so STUPID to marry the wrong person.   If only we could have been as smart as you...    You are coming off pretty bad here CR...  A little sanctimonious... to say the least.


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## ClassicRockr (Feb 6, 2015)

Bottom line is this........if you want an "escape fund" in your marriage, go for it, but there are those that would have nothing to do with something like that!

Well, nothing else left to debate/argue about! Gosh, I sure know how to handle things! LOL 

Back to watching a Classic Rock DVD concert (Styx and REO Speedwagon), having some Mexican food and a stout margarita.........all with my loving, caring and trusting wife!


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 7, 2015)

Vivjen said:


> My parents are still married; after 63 years.
> mt 2nd husband died after 5 years...unexpectedly.
> have you any idea how difficult it is to pay anything with totally joint accounts?
> no money; everything frozen....and not knowing what to do next?



Congratulations on your parents' long marriage Vivjen.  Hubby and I have been happily married for 38 years now, and hope for many more years together.  We have all joint accounts, but we have tried to make the majority of them "or" as opposed to "and".  That way either of us can access the funds or close the account without the others involvement.  I imagine those who lose a spouse who has joint accounts, may have to jump through a lot of hoops to access their own money.

I'm grateful to have a loving man and a good marriage, but I know of too many instances where things don't work out that way, and one partner, usually the woman, finds herself in a situation where she must stay because she can't financially live on her own, or even afford rent for an apartment.  So having an 'escape' fund is not a bad idea at all, if you don't need to use it, that's great, but if you do, you have it available.


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## Vivjen (Feb 7, 2015)

Exactly, SB; one never knows what is around the corner...


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## QuickSilver (Feb 7, 2015)

SeaBreeze said:


> Congratulations on your parents' long marriage Vivjen.  Hubby and I have been happily married for 38 years now, and hope for many more years together.  We have all joint accounts, but we have tried to make the majority of them "or" as opposed to "and".  That way either of us can access the funds or close the account without the others involvement.  I imagine those who lose a spouse who has joint accounts, may have to jump through a lot of hoops to access their own money.
> 
> I'm grateful to have a loving man and a good marriage, but I know of too many instances where things don't work out that way, and one partner, usually the woman, finds herself in a situation where she must stay because she can't financially live on her own, or even afford rent for an apartment.  So having an 'escape' fund is not a bad idea at all, if you don't need to use it, that's great, but if you do, you have it available.



When my husband died, I went to the bank to take his name off my checking and savings account.. I was told that I would have to have his permission to do that.   I told them he was deceased, and I even had the death certificate..... it didn't matter.   I had to close out both accounts and reopen them in my name..   Good thing we had  "OR" on the accounts or I may have had to dig him up..  

What I don't understand is the disgust some have here for women (or men) who need to protect themselves..  I suppose it's better to be killed by an abusive spouse than to have the means to escape..  Not everyone is lucky enough to make the right choice in a spouse..  AND Sociopaths are very good at manipulating and disguising themselves when they need to.   I think it's ALWAYS a good idea to have a contingeny plan...as one never knows.


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## Mrs. Robinson (Feb 7, 2015)

I don`t think anybody has disgust for a woman needing to protect herself. My youngest daughter WAS in a very abusive relationship. She and I ended up unable to have a relationship for three long years because I couldn`t just sit back and let what I knew would happen,happen. And if she had chosen to marry him,I would have been there ready with checkbook in hand when she dcided to leave him. Because I`ll tell you one thing for sure,he would have made sure there was no way she would have ever been allowed to have such a fund. You said it yourself-these people are sociopaths and they (think they) have every angle figured out. And this articular guy did not hide for a second what and who he was. But my daughter loved him anyway and chose him over her family and friends-even after he was arrested and convicted of nearly killing her. I don`t feel that it`s a matter of being "lucky" at all-I still maintain that you can see the character of a person from the getgo. I am not saying that divorce doesn`t end up happening because of things that happen-alcoholism that may have never been an issue in the days before you married,things like that do happen and can go downhill very quickly,but most people really are pretty crystal clear as to their character from the beginning.


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## QuickSilver (Feb 7, 2015)

You were not who I was referring to MR


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## RadishRose (Feb 7, 2015)

Goodness, what a debate. What about pre-nuptial agreements, then?


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