# Should men serving life for murder be allowed to marry?



## Ralphy1 (Mar 28, 2016)

A bill pending in RI will allow them to for the first time, and it is likely to pass.  Would this mean that any children would have to visit their fathers in jail forever and that we would probably have to support them? Methinks that this is dead wrong as their victims are, one a girl of seventeen..


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## Redd (Mar 28, 2016)

Going to prison means giving up rights and freedom and that includes the freedom to marry.


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## Ralphy1 (Mar 28, 2016)

Absolutely agree.  Our state has so many problems that this is ridiculous to spend time debating the merits of such a bill...


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## vickyNightowl (Mar 28, 2016)

I think they should get a special wing for conjucal visits and  free daycare also.for the future kids. Jk

Who votes on this crap?


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## Ina (Mar 28, 2016)

I worked for over three years in a men's and a women's prisons.  I worked with prisoners given 25 years to life sentences.  Marrying was one of the main objectives for the inmates, because the new spouses can contribute to their financial income. Spouses are even allowed to provide small appliances for their chosen inmates.  

Many of the spouses are people that in normal society are outcasts for many reasons, and sometimes marrying a lifer is the only way they see oh having a relationship. It is a con, but most people that marry inmates subconsciously know this, and see it as a fair trade. 

You might ask what these people get out of marrying prisoners. Well their inmate spouses write continuously providing them with attention never before recieved, they tell them of love and desire.  They even give promises of a loving future, if their new spouses will just provide the lawyers to help them get out of prison.   

As the parent of a murder son, I do not think these marriages should be allowed, but that is not the reality.


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## oohjarwatsit (Mar 28, 2016)

The mentality of anyone wishing to marry a lifer must be in question.


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## boozercruiser (Mar 28, 2016)

vickyNightowl said:


> I think they should get a special wing for conjucal visits and  free daycare also.for the future kids. Jk
> 
> *Who votes on this crap?*



Vicky.
You just reminded me that the UK do gooders are trying to get it so prisoners have the right to vote in General Elections and the like.
As far as I am concerned, if you go to prison, then you give up certain rights as well.
I could go on a rant here, but I have to watch my blood pressure, but just like you, in respect of this issue, and tons of others, I do often think...

*Who votes on this crap?*


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## fureverywhere (Mar 28, 2016)

I don't really have an opinion since I believe execution to be more effective than a life sentence. But an interesting book about the mentality of people who have relationships with prisoners is " Visiting Life" by Bridget Kinsella.


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## 911 (Mar 28, 2016)

I remember many years back that one of our state legislators was going to propose that prisoners be allowed to keep pets that required a minimum amount of maintenance, For example, fish, turtle, parakeet, etc. No cats, dogs and such. That bill never even made it to the floor.


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## fureverywhere (Mar 28, 2016)

I think for non-violent offenders the puppy training programs are good for all concerned. But if you're a lifer obviously you did something violent, therefore you've given up your rights to anything at all.


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## Wrigley's (Mar 28, 2016)

oohjarwatsit said:


> The mentality of anyone wishing to marry a lifer must be in question.



Whenever I read about another prisoner marriage, I've thought, what a waste, uselessly taking a good woman out of circulation.

Then I read oohjarwatsit's post. Now I feel like they're doing us a service.


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## Wrigley's (Mar 28, 2016)

Ina said:


> I worked for over three years in a men's and a women's prisons.  I worked with prisoners given 25 years to life sentences.  Marrying was one of the main objectives for the inmates, because the new spouses can contribute to their financial income. Spouses are even allowed to provide small appliances for their chosen inmates.
> 
> Many of the spouses are people that in normal society are outcasts for many reasons, and sometimes marrying a lifer is the only way they see oh having a relationship. It is a con, but most people that marry inmates subconsciously know this, and see it as a fair trade.
> 
> ...



Well spoken, and informative. I'm sorry for your loss, Ina.


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## BlunderWoman (Mar 28, 2016)

No. They should not be allowed to enjoy having a mate or propagate after having taken away those same things along with the lives of their victims.


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## Falcon (Mar 28, 2016)

Well said BW.  I FULLY agree.  Ya do the crime, ya do the time  *ALONE !!!*


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## SifuPhil (Mar 28, 2016)

I don't see the difference between a life sentence and marriage anyway ... they're both hard time.


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## Guitarist (Mar 28, 2016)

This made me curious so I Googled prisoners marrying and found a coupla websites about how to marry a prisoner, so I guess some people want to.  I've heard of married prisoners for years, but only in novels and on "King of the Hill" and "Frasier," and I don't know what crimes those prisoners had committed.  I like the idea of prisoners doing rehab work with dogs and horses and other animals ... depending on the person and the crime.  

I have no personal opinion on the RI thing. I don't even think about a New England state like Rhode Island having murderers or prisons.  Yeah, I know it does.  But it doesn't fit my image of Rhode Island at all.  But then my idea of RI is Roger Williams and Quakers.


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## vickyNightowl (Mar 28, 2016)

boozercruiser said:


> Vicky.
> You just reminded me that the UK do gooders are trying to get it so prisoners have the right to vote in General Elections and the like.
> As far as I am concerned, if you go to prison, then you give up certain rights as well.
> I could go on a rant here, but I have to watch my blood pressure, but just like you, in respect of this issue, and tons of others, I do often think...
> ...



Many moons ago,a family member and 2 of his friends tried to smuggle cocaine in. They got caught,the mother was so upset that her son ,got 2 years. I told her she shouldd count her blessings cause who knows how many could have died from the use.

Two years,basketball courts,good homemade food bbrought to him...
He was just a child but ffs.when you make the punishment fun..


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## Wrigley's (Mar 28, 2016)

SifuPhil said:


> I don't see the difference between a life sentence and marriage anyway ... they're both hard time.



:glee:


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## Linda (Mar 30, 2016)

I didn't know you could take homemade food into a prisoner.  

I think they should allow marriages in prison only between people sharing the same cell block or whatever it's called.   Leave the outsiders out of it.


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## Ina (Mar 30, 2016)

Wives/husbands put the inmates money into their financial account, and then the inmates can afford to go to the commissary and buy foods, sweets, art supplies, and many other things.


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## fureverywhere (Mar 30, 2016)

I was kind of surprised to learn in a different situation. You cannot directly send prisoners books. I didn't really think about it before but yep if you ever saw "Midnight Express". Hardcover books and you can send a contraband treasure trove. Books for prisoners have to go sealed through approved vendors...who knew?


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## Manatee (Mar 30, 2016)

Life sentence, in storage until he croaks, the sooner the better.  The would be spouse belongs in the nut house.


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## Butterfly (Mar 30, 2016)

Linda said:


> I didn't know you could take homemade food into a prisoner.
> 
> I think they should allow marriages in prison only between people sharing the same cell block or whatever it's called.   Leave the outsiders out of it.



As far as I know, men and women are NEVER on the same cell block, at least not here.  They're usually not even in the same prison here.


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## Anglophile (Mar 31, 2016)

No problem for me at all in the UK.  I assume they will not consummate the marriage so zero children will be involved and no expense incurred .

Gay marriage, whatever keeps them happy also, much as I ain't no gay marriage lover.


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## Anglophile (Mar 31, 2016)

Guitarist said:


> This made me curious so I Googled prisoners marrying and found a coupla websites about how to marry a prisoner, so I guess some people want to.  I've heard of married prisoners for years, but only in novels and on "King of the Hill" and "Frasier," and I don't know what crimes those prisoners had committed.  I like the idea of prisoners doing rehab work with dogs and horses and other animals ... depending on the person and the crime.
> 
> I have no personal opinion on the RI thing. I don't even think about a New England state like Rhode Island having murderers or prisons.  Yeah, I know it does.  But it doesn't fit my image of Rhode Island at all.  But then my idea of RI is Roger Williams and Quakers.



Not like here in the UK then, where prolific serial killers are flooded with fan mail and marriage proposals . Strange old world.


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## Ralphy1 (Mar 31, 2016)

RI is quaint, but not that quaint...&#55357;&#56836;


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## fureverywhere (Mar 31, 2016)

First off in the US, visitors are restricted from bringing anything but change for the snack machines and themselves into the visiting area. But back to the original topic. I guess for some poor souls marrying a prisoner gives their life meaning. They don't have to deal with the day to day of a regular relationship. They can live their own lives and then get all dolled up for visitation, something to look forward to ya know?


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## Butterfly (Apr 1, 2016)

SifuPhil said:


> I don't see the difference between a life sentence and marriage anyway ... they're both hard time.



Oh, Phil -- you are such a romantic.


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## Butterfly (Apr 1, 2016)

Linda said:


> I didn't know you could take homemade food into a prisoner.
> 
> I think they should allow marriages in prison only between people sharing the same cell block or whatever it's called.   Leave the outsiders out of it.



You can't bring food into US prisons.


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## SifuPhil (Apr 1, 2016)

Butterfly said:


> Oh, Phil -- you are such a romantic.



Thanks!

Now - you still want that pencil-and-spit tat? I do a great dagger in skull ...


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## nitelite (Apr 1, 2016)

Redd said:


> Going to prison means giving up rights and freedom and that includes the freedom to marry.



I agree Redd


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## Butterfly (Apr 2, 2016)

SifuPhil said:


> Thanks!
> 
> Now - you still want that pencil-and-spit tat? I do a great dagger in skull ...



How 'bout a nice pen and ink butterfly instead?  Still haven't decided where I want it, though.


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## SifuPhil (Apr 2, 2016)

Butterfly said:


> How 'bout a nice pen and ink butterfly instead?  Still haven't decided where I want it, though.



Well, they don't allow pens here in the Big House, and ink is tough to come by. I make my own out of Jello-O and soot mixed with shampoo.


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## Peppermint Patty (Apr 2, 2016)

NO!  They should get used to celibacy as part of their punishment.   Too bad, so sad!   :sorrow:


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## Linda (Apr 3, 2016)

Butterfly said:


> As far as I know, men and women are NEVER on the same cell block, at least not here.  They're usually not even in the same prison here.



Of course they aren't.  That was a sarcastic joke although I think it's fine if that's what they want to do.  I was referring to men marrying men and women marrying women.  And as 2 cons you'd have a lot in common, something to talk about over jam and toast every morning.


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## Ruthanne (Apr 3, 2016)

If the prisoner marries someone who is not a prisoner they really can't do much besides get married.  So, I don't think any harm comes from that.  They may suffer even more knowing they can't consummate their marriage.


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## Ralphy1 (Apr 4, 2016)

Who says that they can't consummate?  What do you think these guys are after?  &#55357;&#56832;


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## Ruthanne (Apr 4, 2016)

Ralphy1 said:


> Who says that they can't consummate?  What do you think these guys are after?  &#55357;&#56832;


I don't think the murderers are allowed conjugal visits but you are saying I am wrong?


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## Butterfly (Apr 4, 2016)

Most prisons don't allow conjugal visits anymore at all, at least not here.  And they're sure not going to get anywhere in a regular visiting room -- the guards are watching like a hawk, mostly for people trying to pass drugs or contraband, but most have a strict no contact policy.  And as for people (even legal personnel) visiting prisoners in their cells, that's only in the movies and TV.


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## ladyp (Apr 19, 2016)

Some of the things that go on now totally baffle me. It seems like common sense has all but disappeared.
Criminals have more rights than victims, your rights are only yours til they offend someone else, even if it has nothing to do with them.


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## BlunderWoman (Apr 19, 2016)

IMO the real travesty is that more attorneys and others seem to be focusing so much attention to BS like this and paying very little attention at all to our elderly who are doing time in nursing homes for the singular crime of growing old.


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## tnthomas (Apr 19, 2016)

The prison I work at has a family visit compound, with 4 modest apartment type units, furnished and with kitchenette.



			
				Phil said:
			
		

> Well, they don't allow pens here in the Big House, and ink is tough to  come by. I make my own out of Jello-O and soot mixed with shampoo.



We will loan an inmate a pen but he's gotta give it back, office supplies are a pain to order, working for the state.        I didn't know about the Jello-O but soot is definitely handy for prison tattoos.


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## fureverywhere (Apr 19, 2016)

If you are a lifer, they should have fried you already...jus' sayin'...


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## richal123 (Apr 27, 2016)

It's kind of pathetic for the girl, except true love.


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## Ralphy1 (Apr 27, 2016)

True love?  &#55357;&#56834;&#55357;&#56860;&#55357;&#56883;


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