# Staying at my daughter's house, don't know for how long.



## Ronni (Apr 13, 2020)

As most of you know, Ron's daughter Sheri and her two kids live with us. 

She took it upon herself  this weekend to decide to visit two different families, disregarding the Do Not Gather Mandate as well as plain common sense. She did so without informing either Ron or me, and the only reason we became aware of it was because of a chance question to her husband regarding her whereabouts. If I hadn't happened to ask, we would never have known. The dishonesty is mind-boggling. The betrayal is huge. How gathering with her friends could possibly be more of a priority than keeping her senior, lung compromised father safe is beyond me!!

She maintained that there was no risk because  <insert two paragraphs of "reasons" why everything was fine because of how well everyone sanitized everything> She also maintained that because one of the kids they visited is a severe asthmatic, the parents have to be really careful so of course things were clean and no chance of infection so it's all good.  Really? If the parents were truly being THAT careful, they would never even have entertained the idea of inviting another family into their home! Any one of those involved could be asymptomatic and no amount of sanitizing will stop the spread if that's the case. 

We were completely blindsided. By the time we fully understood what she'd done she was back, standing on the porch with a kid in her arms and another by her side wanting to get back into the house, and there was a lot of yelling and upset and that's the point at which I threw a few things into a bag and left.  

I just told him that I wasn't going to jeopardize my health as a result of her recklessness and that I hoped he wouldn't jeopardize his. He locked himself in his room that night, we spent half the day yesterday talking about it, but I could see he was rationalizing Sheri's actions and wanting to protect her, so I had to move from the mindset of protecting US, to protecting myself.  

Of course, if you talk to Sheri, she maintains that I have WAY over-reacted and I'm being ridiculous.

I'll be at my daughter's house for the foreseeable future.


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## hollydolly (Apr 13, 2020)

..this is awful Ronni, so upsetting for you, ...some people just don't seem to realise the real danger there is in visiting other people and certainly it's seems very selfish of her to have taken this risk, living with you and her father who has a  lung condition known to her .

You now have been put in a position where you've moved in with another family..something incidentally we're not allowed to do in the UK during the lockdown...so I don't know what the rules are there, but whatever they are  it will mean you most certainly will have to remain with your own daughter now, for a minimum of 2 weeks I believe... just to ensure you're not passing or contracting any virus 

Is the daughter now living back in the house with Ron?


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## Ronni (Apr 13, 2020)

hollydolly said:


> ..this is awful Ronni, so upsetting for you, ...some people just don't seem to realise the real danger there is in visiting other people and certainly it's seems very selfish of her to have taken this risk, living with you and her father who has a  lung condition known to her .
> 
> You now have been put in a position where you've moved in with another family..something incidentally we're not allowed to do in the UK during the lockdown...so I don't know what the rules are there, but whatever they are  it will mean you most certainly will have to remain with your own daughter now, for a minimum of 2 weeks I believe... just to ensure you're not passing or contracting any virus
> 
> Is the daughter now living back in the house with Ron?


Yes to both things @hollydolly 

Sheri is back in the house with her Dad.  I'm with Paige.  So it's two weeks minimum before we can have any further contact.  But I don't trust Sheri to not do this again.  She'll just be more careful this time to not get caught.  So unless her Dad decides to put her out, I don't know when I'll be back.  If he tells her to go, it will still be two weeks past her move out date before I can safely re-enter the house.  

It's a mess.  I am very sad.


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## Pepper (Apr 13, 2020)

Is Sheri's husband in the doghouse to her for spilling the beans?


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## hollydolly (Apr 13, 2020)

Ronni said:


> Yes to both things @hollydolly
> 
> Sheri is back in the house with her Dad.  I'm with Paige.  So it's two weeks minimum before we can have any further contact.  But I don't trust Sheri to not do this again.  She'll just be more careful this time to not get caught.  So unless her Dad decides to put her out, I don't know when I'll be back.  If he tells her to go, it will still be two weeks past her move out date before I can safely re-enter the house.
> 
> It's a mess.  I am very sad.


you're absolutely right. However you look at it now, this is going to take weeks to fix.. even if Ron asks her to leave now, you can't be with him for 2 more weeks at the minimum... this has got to be the saddest thing in the world to have to choose between a partner and a an adult child and grandkids... but the daughter has got to take responsibility for her own actions...she put her self, her children, you , and her father at serious risk...and as of yet you don't know if she's passed anything on ...


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## Ronni (Apr 13, 2020)

Pepper said:


> Is Sheri's husband in the doghouse to her for spilling the beans?



Sheri told him to "get the !@#$ out!" so he's no longer there.


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## hollydolly (Apr 13, 2020)

Ronni said:


> Sheri told him to "get the !@#$ out!" so he's no longer there.


OMG...she sounds like a real piece of work...sorry Ronni but she really does...


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## Pepper (Apr 13, 2020)

Ronni said:


> Sheri told him to "get the !@#$ out!" so he's no longer there.


How did I know this?  Because I did!  Telling fortunes now, $5 bucks each, good deal!


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## StarSong (Apr 13, 2020)

I'm so sorry that you're going through this, @Ronni.  I would have done the same as you - packed my bag and left. 

This is wrong on so many levels - she's taking advantage of your and her father's hosting generosity, then breaking house (and government) rules, and thereby putting all at risk without their permission - including a severely asthmatic child.  

When is she scheduled to move out of your home? The sooner the better.


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## Ronni (Apr 13, 2020)

StarSong said:


> I'm so sorry that you're going through this, @Ronni.  I would have done the same as you - packed my bag and left.
> 
> Thi



She’s not scheduled to move out at all now. I wish Ron would give her a deadline

Unfortunately that isn’t likely to happen any time soon because of her kicking her husband  out and that apparently being over now. And with her not working that’s taken her back to why she couldn’t move out before, so....


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## StarSong (Apr 13, 2020)

Ronni said:


> She’s not scheduled to move out at all now. I wish Ron would give her a deadline
> 
> Unfortunately that isn’t likely to happen any time soon because of her kicking her husband  out and that apparently being over now. And with her not working that’s taken her back to why she couldn’t move out before, so....


Wow!  Gotta admit, I wouldn't have much patience for that scenario, particularly after this incident.


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## AnnieA (Apr 13, 2020)

Ronni said:


> She’s not scheduled to move out at all now. I wish Ron would give her a deadline
> 
> Unfortunately that isn’t likely to happen any time soon because of her kicking her husband  out and that apparently being over now. And with her not working that’s taken her back to why she couldn’t move out before, so....



Wow.  I don't know that I could ever share a home again with someone that selfish, dishonest and disrespectful to the parent who is providing her with a home. Ron is facing a difficult choice.

So sorry you're going through this.


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## jujube (Apr 13, 2020)

I think you did the only thing you could do, Ronni.  You know she'll continue to sneak around and probably lie about it and it sounds like you'll have her there forever.  Those kids will suffer.

I'm afraid if Ron isn't willing to consider your well-being and HIS, you might be looking at a lifetime of this sort of thing happening.  I doubt Sheri is ever going to change.


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## Ronni (Apr 13, 2020)

AnnieA said:


> Wow.  I don't know that I could ever share a home again with someone that selfish, dishonest and disrespectful to the parent who is providing her with a home. Ron is facing a difficult choice.
> 
> So sorry you're going through this.


Thanks Aneeda.

What's frustrating is both her Mom AND her sister have her number. Her Mom has told me numerous times that Ron just needs to get her to move out.  Her sister and I have been texting back and forth....she checked on me to ask me how I was in the face of all this.  A portion of one of her texts is below.


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## Ronni (Apr 13, 2020)

jujube said:


> I think you did the only thing you could do, Ronni.  You know she'll continue to sneak around and probably lie about it and it sounds like you'll have her there forever.  Those kids will suffer.
> 
> I'm afraid if Ron isn't willing to consider your well-being and HIS, you might be looking at a lifetime of this sort of thing happening.  I doubt Sheri is ever going to change.


I'm slowly coming to that very painful realization @jujube 

My trust in Sheri has been shattered, and this episode, the way she dealt with it and communicated with both of us like we were idiots that we didn't get how safe she was being, not to mention the conversations I've had with her husband since she kicked him out, have ALL made me connect a bunch of dots that I hadn't before....inconsistencies in her accounting of past relationships, issues with money, conversations where she said one thing and contradicted herself later then chided me for my memory lapses etc.  

These examples, plus a host of other information I've been aware of, is all pointing to classic narcissistic behavior.  She gaslights, she manipulates, she lies, she deceives.  I've always known she was selfish, but until I connected all these dots, I hadn't put everything together.


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## StarSong (Apr 13, 2020)

Ronni said:


> I'm slowly coming to that very painful realization @jujube
> 
> My trust in Sheri has been shattered, and this episode, the way she dealt with it and communicated with both of us like we were idiots that we didn't get how safe she was being, not to mention the conversations I've had with her husband since she kicked him out, have ALL made me connect a bunch of dots that I hadn't before....inconsistencies in her accounting of past relationships, issues with money, conversations where she said one thing and contradicted herself later then chided me for my memory lapses etc.
> 
> These examples, plus a host of other information I've been aware of, is all pointing to classic narcissistic behavior.  She gaslights, she manipulates, she lies, she deceives.  I've always known she was selfish, but until I connected all these dots, I hadn't put everything together.


This is heartbreaking, @Ronni.  

I guess the question is whether Ron is willing to see this side of his daughter and will he put you ahead of her? If not, you've got some decisions to make.


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 13, 2020)

Ronni said:


> I'm slowly coming to that very painful realization @jujube
> 
> My trust in Sheri has been shattered, and this episode, the way she dealt with it and communicated with both of us like we were idiots that we didn't get how safe she was being, not to mention the conversations I've had with her husband since she kicked him out, have ALL made me connect a bunch of dots that I hadn't before....inconsistencies in her accounting of past relationships, issues with money, conversations where she said one thing and contradicted herself later then chided me for my memory lapses etc.
> 
> These examples, plus a host of other information I've been aware of, is all pointing to classic narcissistic behavior.  She gaslights, she manipulates, she lies, she deceives.  I've always known she was selfish, but until I connected all these dots, I hadn't put everything together.


My granddaughter is this same way, and my daughter constantly has to “save” her for the sake of the 2 year old great granddaughter.  As soon as my daughter and her husband and the attorneys find the baby daddy and get the paper worked signed, granddaughter will be on her own if she doesn’t ”straighten up and fly right.”

Ronni, you are between the rock and the hard place, as is your husband.  I agree that you have to do what is right for yourself and I think your courage in doing so is to be applauded.  The foolishness and stupidity of his daughter is crazy.

I think this was an impossible choice for your husband and hopefully, after this is all over, you guys can work things out if you want.  But before returning to your “home”, I would have it professional cleaned.  I couldn’t feel safe otherwise.


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## RadishRose (Apr 13, 2020)

I am so sorry about this Ronni. I guess it's known now, who Ron's favorite is, and it's not you. I'm sure he loves you dearly, but Sheri and her children are #1, it seems to me.

Do you think there's a possibility of her having picked up the virus and given it to you? If so, is there a possibility of you having brought it to Paige's home?

Gosh, what a mess! I hope it gets resolved somehow, but I would not live my married life with Sheri.


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 13, 2020)

Ronni said:


> Thanks Aneeda.
> 
> What's frustrating is both her Mom AND her sister have her number. Her Mom has told me numerous times that Ron just needs to get her to move out.  Her sister and I have been texting back and forth....she checked on me to ask me how I was in the face of all this.  A portion of one of her texts is below.
> View attachment 99254


Oh, you confused me on this post with Annie A, I think.


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## Geezerette (Apr 13, 2020)

I would certainly be giving many second thoughts to marrying into that clan. With people like Sheri who put themselves & their wants first and people like Ron who “Enable” her it’s never going to stop. That would have been a “last straw” experience for me. So sad.


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 13, 2020)

RadishRose said:


> I am so sorry about this Ronni. I guess it's known now, who Ron's favorite is, and it's not you. I'm sure he loves you dearly, but Sheri and her children are #1, it seems to me.
> 
> Do you think there's a possibility of her having picked up the virus and given it to you? If so, is there a possibility of you having brought it to Page's home?
> 
> Gosh, what a mess! I hope it gets resolved somehow, but I would not live my married life with Sheri.


Hmm, I am not sure Shari is Ron’s favorite as apposed to Ronni, it’s difficult because there are grandchildren involved and those can’t be made homeless.  Plus, if Ron is like my husband, he might have been in shock, and speechless at such behavior.  Slow to react.

It is a mess for sure.  But, as I’ve said, my daughter does the same thing.  And daughters husband is not pleased having this happen again, rescuing their adopted daughter again and again.  But no choice due to the baby.


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## Ronni (Apr 13, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> Oh, you confused me on this post with Annie A, I think.


I did!  I’m so sorry. Just a bit rattled today


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## hollydolly (Apr 13, 2020)

I think it probably all happened so fast, and Ron just didn't have time to think and gather his thoughts clearly..given that he was faced with his flesh and blood and grandchildren and the angst she created . I would hope that Ron, once given time to think more clearly will make the decision to ask his daughter to leave ..  She has her own life to lead, and shouldn't be living it at the expense of her father and soon to be step-mother..financially, or emotionally...


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## Liberty (Apr 13, 2020)

Sheri sounds like one of those "why wouldn't everyone want to do what I want to do" people.  Big sigh.


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## AnnieA (Apr 13, 2020)

Geezerette said:


> I would certainly be giving many second thoughts to marrying into that clan. With people like Sheri who put themselves & their wants first and people like Ron who “Enable” her it’s never going to stop. That would have been a “last straw” experience for me. So sad.



Agreed.  At this point I wouldn't marry him without extensive couples counseling.


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 13, 2020)

Ronni said:


> I did!  I’m so sorry. Just a bit rattled today


I don‘t mind, but I knew you would .  Totally understand that you are rattled, but you did the right thing


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 13, 2020)

hollydolly said:


> I think it probably all happened so fast, and Ron just didn't have time to think and gather his thoughts clearly..given that he was faced with his flesh and blood and grandchildren and the angst she created . I would hope that Ron, once given time to think more clearly will make the decision to ask his daughter to leave ..  She has her own life to lead, and shouldn't be living it at the expense of her father and soon to be step-mother..financially, or emotionally...


I agree.  And Ronni shouldn’t have to give up Ron if she doesn’t want to.  I am sure they are both concerned about the grandchildren, and will make whatever arrangements can be made for them.  After all Shari proved she was not concerned for their safety either.


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## Ronni (Apr 13, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> I think this was an impossible choice for your husband and hopefully, after this is all over, you guys can work things out if you want.


He was in a completely untenable position. He was completely blindsided.   It was just awful for him.  I finally spoke up and told him I was going to get some stuff and head to Paige's for a while, just to eliminate the need for HIM to have to make some kind of choice, right there on the spot.



RadishRose said:


> I am so sorry about this Ronni. I guess it's known now, who Ron's favorite is, and it's not you. I'm sure he loves you dearly, but Sheri and her children are #1, it seems to me.



I don't see it as a question of favorites.  One of the things in our relationship that we both felt made us very compatible is that we both have each of our families, our kids and grandkids, as a priority.  I've always felt that way, as has he.  Whether or not that might work for others, it has worked for us because we shared that mindset. We are each extremely close to our kids, so there was no expectation on my part that he would "choose" me over his daughter.  

I mean, I've never even thought to frame things in our relationship that way, that there would even be choices or favorites. Our kids and grands are our priorities, and because we didn't have kids together, it's completely natural that he would have his kids as his priority, and me mine.  I just can't see it any other way.


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## AnnieA (Apr 13, 2020)

Ronni said:


> I don't see it as a question of favorites.  One of the things in our relationship that we both felt made us very compatible is that we both have each of our families, our kids and grandkids, as a priority.  I've always felt that way, as has he.



That makes sense up to the point that it's abused.   Sheri has crossed that line.


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## Ronni (Apr 13, 2020)

AnnieA said:


> That makes sense up to the point that it's abused.   Sheri has crossed that line.


Agreed 100%

But my hands are tied if Ron doesn’t agree that that’s the case.


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## Em in Ohio (Apr 13, 2020)

Geezerette said:
I would certainly be giving many second thoughts to marrying into that clan. With people like Sheri who put themselves & their wants first and people like Ron who “Enable” her it’s never going to stop. That would have been a “last straw” experience for me. So sad.
***


AnnieA said:


> Agreed.  At this point I wouldn't marry him without extensive couples counseling.



Beware, Ronni - daughter may have 'inherited' her narcissistic tendencies from her father.  My ex did a complete 180 degree turn to the dark side almost immediately after the marriage.  Narcissists don't respond to couples counseling, They will make promises, but will not change.    My couples' therapist tried to warn me, but I didn't listen.  In my rather uninformed newby opinion, you are too good for them.  It may be best to let them suffer with each other and for you to move on to a saner life.  Stay strong.


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 13, 2020)

Ronni said:


> As most of you know, Ron's daughter Sheri and her two kids live with us.
> 
> She took it upon herself  this weekend to decide to visit two different families, disregarding the Do Not Gather Mandate as well as plain common sense. She did so without informing either Ron or me, and the only reason we became aware of it was because of a chance question to her husband regarding her whereabouts. If I hadn't happened to ask, we would never have known. The dishonesty is mind-boggling. The betrayal is huge. How gathering with her friends could possibly be more of a priority than keeping her senior, lung compromised father safe is beyond me!!
> 
> ...


  Just saw this thread.  I'm so sorry to hear that Ronni, she was being very inconsiderate and irresponsible....making things worse in an already bad situation.  Sad you were the one to leave, when her bags should have been put out on the porch with her.


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## terry123 (Apr 13, 2020)

Maybe its time to get CPS involved for the sake of the children.


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 13, 2020)

Ronni said:


> Sheri told him to "get the !@#$ out!" so he's no longer there.


Sheri sounds like an ungrateful piece of work.


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 13, 2020)

hollydolly said:


> OMG...she sounds like a real piece of work...sorry Ronni but she really does...


I didn't read this before my last reply Holly, I see we both chose the _nicer _description of this one.


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## Sassycakes (Apr 13, 2020)

*Ronni,I am so sorry for what you have been going through. She is really an uncaring person and probably doesn't care at all for her Father and his health or your health. I wish I could find a way for you to not be in this situation. *


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 13, 2020)

Ronni said:


> She’s not scheduled to move out at all now. I wish Ron would give her a deadline
> 
> Unfortunately that isn’t likely to happen any time soon because of her kicking her husband  out and that apparently being over now. And with her not working that’s taken her back to why she couldn’t move out before, so....


Sorry, I don't know all the details, but it sounds like Ron needs to give her the boot ASAP, whatever it takes to do that....so you can move back into your home safely with your husband.


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 13, 2020)

StarSong said:


> Wow!  Gotta admit, I wouldn't have much patience for that scenario, particularly after this incident.


Neither would I!  Ronni has the patience of an angel....she doesn't deserve going through this nonsense.


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 13, 2020)

RadishRose said:


> I am so sorry about this Ronni. I guess it's known now, who Ron's favorite is, and it's not you. I'm sure he loves you dearly, but Sheri and her children are #1, it seems to me.
> 
> Do you think there's a possibility of her having picked up the virus and given it to you? If so, is there a possibility of you having brought it to Paige's home?
> 
> Gosh, what a mess! I hope it gets resolved somehow, but I would not live my married life with Sheri.


I'm thinking that Ron just has a big heart, he loves Ronni as his wife, but feels very sorry for Sheri and the kids.  He's a good egg.....but needs a wake-up call as to his priorities.  The daughter who is a user, or a woman who has chosen to spend her life with him as a couple.  I really hope Ronni doesn't get infected from this nonsense, she deserves so much better.  Hopefully Ron will come to his senses and act soon, unless he wants to spend the rest of his days with his selfish daughter and her kids.


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## Ruth n Jersey (Apr 13, 2020)

I'm sorry to here this Ronni.  I have no words of wisdom but I hope the two of you can sort this out. We are all so tense right now. Possibly waiting out the coming weeks and when it is safe you can sit down with Ron and have a more rational less stressful conversation,set some rules for the future that both of you can abide by.


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## Ronni (Apr 13, 2020)

SeaBreeze said:


> I'm thinking that Ron just has a big heart, he loves Ronni as his wife, but feels very sorry for Sheri and the kids.  He's a good egg.....but needs a wake-up call as to his priorities.  The daughter who is a user, or a woman who has chosen to spend her life with him as a couple.  I really hope Ronni doesn't get infected from this nonsense, she deserves so much better.  Hopefully Ron will come to his senses and act soon, unless he wants to spend the rest of his days with his selfish daughter and her kids.



I won't get infected with it because I now recognize what's going on. Sheri has definite narcissistic tendencies, and unfortunately Ron and his daughter have a co-dependent relationship, and as a result he enables her.    And that sentence explains everything that's happened over Easter, and also so much more regarding what I know of them since I met Ron.


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## Kadee (Apr 13, 2020)

I can fully understand @Ronni when I married for the second time 33 years ago we both had teenage children, they are now i their 40’s.......
believe me things never change

I feel it’s a great blessing we no longer have any contact with his two kids
It’s a long story .


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## Butterfly (Apr 14, 2020)

If you don't get this nipped in the bud once and for all, Ronni, I fear that you will be forever having that daughter wreaking havoc on your life forever.  She's an adult, with children of her own, and she needs to act like it, and take responsibility for her own actions.  And her father needs to tell her that.

I agree with those who say you should think long and hard about the long-term implications of this behavior and what it means to your relationship unless you are content to play second fiddle the rest of your life.


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## Marie5656 (Apr 14, 2020)

So sorry to hear this, ronni. As if things aren't bad enough. All I can hope is that you remain safe and well. You know you have people here to talk to.


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## Gary O' (Apr 14, 2020)

Ronni said:


> I'll be at my daughter's house for the foreseeable future.


Good move

Ron needs to man up...or father up
And now that he's alone with his lovely daughter......heh, heh.....that may be soon.....quite soon


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## Ronni (Apr 14, 2020)

Before I moved in with Ron, I had firm assurances from Ron, from Sheri herself, and from the other family that Sheri’s presence in the house was just temporary, while she got her feet under her from a disastrous previous relationship that left her as a single mother with two small children, one little more than a newborn.

What father would not take his own child in under those circumstances? I felt it was a mark of good character that he was there for his child and admired him for his decision, so I moved in with little concern for Sheri’s presence, believing that it would just be a matter of time before she was gone.

But something always prevented it. I talked to him about it, that I wanted me life with him. Suggested it was time to tell her because clearly she wasn’t as motivated to leave as she had led me and him to believe. He’s even agreed, more than once that he would tell her to go.

But see, it’s never the “right” time.  Work is slow.  She just broke up with her BF. (Three relationships ago, and then two, and now this one)  The kids are sick.  Her truck broke down.  She was in an accident. In other words, there’s always an excuse why he can’t tell her it’s time for her to move out.  And now, with the virus and her not working and getting a divorce from her just married husband, now isn’t the time either, even though what he SHOULD have done is never let her re-enter the house which would have forced the issue.

It’s a mess. I love Ron deeply, but it’s at the point where he needs to grow a pair and put his foot down.


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## Butterfly (Apr 14, 2020)

Ronni said:


> Before I moved in with Ron, I had firm assurances from Ron, from Sheri herself, and from the other family that Sheri’s presence in the house was just temporary, while she got her feet under her from a disastrous previous relationship that left her as a single mother with two small children, one little more than a newborn.
> 
> What father would not take his own child in under those circumstances? I felt it was a mark of good character that he was there for his child and admired him for his decision, so I moved in with little concern for Sheri’s presence, believing that it would just be a matter of time before she was gone.
> 
> ...



Having been in a similar position years ago, I can tell you that it will NEVER be the right time.  If he continues to let her get away with this, she will continue to manipulate the situation so that it never is, and he will continue to enable her and she will continue to mooch off of him, or the two of you, forever.


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## oldman (Apr 14, 2020)

This is partly the reason New York City got into the mess they were (are) in. Too many younger people didn't take the disease serious and decided to party and hang out anyway. Or, at least, this is what I have been reading. 

Sometimes, people have to get hit by a car to know that it hurts.


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## Ronni (Apr 14, 2020)

Ron has a tiny house on the property, that his other daughter and son in law were staying in for a while. It still has a bunch of their stuff in it which they need to come get, but it's vacant, and beautifully appointed (Ron's craftsmanship) and needs a really good top to bottom cleaning because they had two large dogs in there with them so hair everywhere!!!!

I am toying with the idea of taking that over for a bit.

Paige and William have assured me I am welcome to stay here for as long as I want, if I want to move in they'll convert the downstairs playroom to quarters for me, the grands all jumped up and down with excitement at the idea that I might live here...so, SO SWEET!!  Brought tears to my eyes!   I've lived with them before and they've both been lobbying for me to move back ever since, so I have no problems that it would work.

But for right now, I'm staying in 3.5 year old Milo's room, surrounded by stuffed animals and Mickey Mouse and his pet gekko, and the idea of the tiny house, a short walk from the main house but completely separate and self sufficient with no contact whatever to the main house, has a certain appeal.  It's interim, that's all.  Just a wayside stop to whatever my ultimate destination is, of which I have ZERO IDEA right now.  My head swims when I think about more than the next couple days.

Anyway, floating that idea to get your take on potential pitfalls, workability, things I haven't considered, etc.


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## AnnieA (Apr 14, 2020)

On first read, I can see where having your own quiet space while things are so turbulent might help.  Just so long as Ron understands he can't live in the house with irresponsible Sheri, then come out and visit you.  And that he understands every time she goes out, the clock resets to 14 days.  Given her tendency to lie, I'd put up a security camera that she doesn't know about in order to know when she's going out ...or having the husband who has been God knows where or worse yet, the next new guy over. 

I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you are so blessed to have the options you have available.   Especially your daughter and her family.


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## StarSong (Apr 14, 2020)

Here's a question... why doesn't Sheri move in there with her two kids - yes, it's probably small, but the idea is for her to be slightly uncomfortable so that she'll get her act together and ease toward self-sufficiency.  As @AnnieA said above, once she's out and the 14 day clock has expired, you could move back in with Ron, or at least see him again. 

p.s.  Sometimes it's true that just one more straw is enough to break the camel's back.  No need to apologize for being beyond your maximum.  A lot of us have been there at various points in our lives.  

p.p.s.  I'm an over-sharer, too - don't always see the subtle line that separates being open and being leaky.  Such is life.


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 14, 2020)

Ronni said:


> I am still very raw, am a bit embarrassed to admit how fragile and vulnerable I continue to feel.  I just don't have the emotional capacity to deal with Pepper's harshness at the moment, so I've put her on Ignore. I just can't, right now. So I particularly appreciate y'all having my back.
> 
> I am typically made of much sterner stuff, and have not only survived far, far worse than this current situation with Sheri and Ron, but have gone on to flourish and prevail and do even better.  I expect I'll get to that point with this latest too, but it coming on the heels of how hyper stressed and anxious I've felt as a result of the Virus, I have just been left with no emotional stores from which to draw.
> 
> ...


I think Ronni and Ron will work this out, or not.  Each has to do what is best for each of them.  There is no right or no wrong here.  Ronni has stated they both have adult children and grandchildren.  It’s a horrific situation to chose between a grown incompetent child with your grandchildren or a spouse/significant other.

Either way, everyone looses.  I am so sorry Ronni you have to deal with this.


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## hollydolly (Apr 14, 2020)

I was going to ask the same question about the daughter & children moving into the tiny house...why not them?... why make it comfortable for Ron and the daughter having you Ronni moving in to the tiny house, within arms reach of Ron,  where he can be with you at any time,  but still have his daughter in the main house.

I suspect by the time we've all written all these questions ...I hope anyway, that Ron has come up with a workable solution to suit all ... but I don't believe the solution is Ronni moving  into the tiny house...


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## Ronni (Apr 14, 2020)

AnnieA said:


> On first read, I can see where having your own quiet space while things are so turbulent might help.  Just so long as Ron understands he can't live in the house with irresponsible Sheri, then come out and visit you.  And that he understands every time she goes out, the clock resets to 14 days.  Given her tendency to lie, I'd put up a security camera that she doesn't know about in order to know when she's going out ...or having the husband who has been God knows where or worse yet, the next new guy over.
> 
> And, no apologies for sharing.  That's kinda what social forums are for!
> 
> I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you are so blessed to have the options you have available.   Especially your daughter and her family.



We think alike @AnnieA  

The idea of the tiny house is completely for me, for my convenience.  My life, and everything I need to live it, is in the main house but I won't be living there again any time soon obviously!   So being close enough to easily access my possessions has an appeal....after they're sanitized etc., of course.  I was in such a fog when I left that my few clothing items and toiletries that I grabbed are sadly lacking.  I've gotten a few things purchased and delivered, but what am I going to do with the two left feet sneakers I grabbed in my haste?  And I forgot underwear.  And I scooped up too many tops and not enough bottoms....silly stuff, and the least of my problems, but I'm a creature of habit and routine and I'm very much out of my comfort zone right now.  

If this were to happen, there is NO way Ron would be there with me.  I don't trust Sheri, she lies, so even if she tells me she hasn't gone anywhere I just won't believe it.  So until she's either fully out of the house and 14 days have passed, OR the virus threat is past us, I won't be within 8 feet of Ron, period. We can sit on the porch together...it's a large porch so plenty of room for plenty of distancing, but that's it.  

And yes, I am beyond blessed to have the caring family who are always there for me. I sent out an email to everyone (we're a close family so we do group texts and emails all the time) to let them know what was going on.  My California son offered to fly me out to him and his fam and set me up in the downstairs.  One of my boys who's already got his brother staying with him to keep him safe, said they could bunk together and I could have the spare room.  And even Grayson, my sweet addict-in-recovery son who doesn't have much of anything said he'd live out of his car and I could take over his room that he rents with bathroom privileges.  I mean, damn, I was crying the GOOD kind of crying at their care and love!!!


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## Ronni (Apr 14, 2020)

hollydolly said:


> I was going to ask the same question about the daughter & children moving into the tiny house...why not them?... why make it comfortable for Ron and the daughter having you Ronni moving in to the tiny house, within arms reach of Ron,  where he can be with you at any time,  but still have his daughter in the main house.
> 
> I suspect by the time we've all written all these questions ...I hope anyway, that Ron has come up with a workable solution to suit all ... but I don't believe the solution is Ronni moving  into the tiny house...



I've thought about that too...about Sheri et al moving into the tiny house.   

There is no way that even the most minimal possessions of Sheri and the kids' would fit in the tiny house, (it's TINY, just a bit bigger in square feet than an average sized master bedroom if it were more rectangular, and had a loft just big enough to fit a queen sized bed with a bit of room on each side) Which means that she would continue to access the main house for other possessions, and including the use of the washer and dryer.  I mean, she could be banned from that, but I just don't see it.

I don't want her traipsing through the house,  even if she has to ask permission which would absolutely be a non-negotiable condition.  And the kids are just too young yet to understand why the only real home they've ever known is now off limits to them.  That they can't go in and out at will.  They're decent kids in spite of the constant parade of men in their lives, but imposing the kinds of limits that would have to be imposed on them would be way outside their understanding, and (unintentionally) cruel to them.  

I'm trying not to be vengeful here, or malicious...it's so easy for me to slip into the mindset of getting Sheri back for what she did. Of making her pay.  I WANT for her to experience the consequences of her actions, because I think it's the only way that might, ultimately, offer her a chance to really take personal stock and inventory, and to grow emotionally and learn from her past mistakes.  But it feels like a fine line to walk, one which I could all to easily slip from and land on the side of vengeance and paying her back for my miseries.  Trying like hell not to go there.


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## RadishRose (Apr 14, 2020)

For right now, Ronni let me just say you don't belong in what amounts to a shed on his property! You deserve better.


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## Ladybj (Apr 14, 2020)

@Ronni  So sorry to hear you are going through all this  I highly doubt if he put her out. You did the right thing to stay with your daughter for a while.


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## Ladybj (Apr 14, 2020)

Ronni said:


> I've thought about that too...about Sheri et al moving into the tiny house.
> 
> There is no way that even the most minimal possessions of Sheri and the kids' would fit in the tiny house, (it's TINY, just a bit bigger in square feet than an average sized master bedroom if it were more rectangular, and had a loft just big enough to fit a queen sized bed with a bit of room on each side) Which means that she would continue to access the main house for other possessions, and including the use of the washer and dryer.  I mean, she could be banned from that, but I just don't see it.
> 
> ...


Karma is a B#@!$..  You don't have to do a thing.. she is doing it to herself already and don't realize it.  I know its not easy but try not to lower yourself to her level.


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## Ronni (Apr 14, 2020)

RadishRose said:


> For right now, Ronni let me just say you don't belong in what amounts to a shed on his property! You deserve better.


Thank you @RadishRose  I love knowing you have my back!

When I said it's beautifully appointed, that's just what I meant.  Yes, it's small.  Tiny house are.  But Ron is a craftsman, and his touches are EVERYWHERE.  It has stainless steel appliances, stunning custom wood cabinets in the kitchen, Italian tile in the bathroom, beaded board and shiplap accents, oak flooring.....it truly is amazing.  There is no way I would be roughing it, trust me!  I'll see if I can find a couple photos....we posted some as Ron and his daughter were doing the build.  For one person (if you don't mind smaller spaces,) it's perfect.


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## Ronni (Apr 14, 2020)

I found photos! Not as many as I wanted, but you'll get the idea.

Here's where it started out.  Just a shell. 


Some of the wood accents


The kitchen starting to take shape, with the custom cabinets


Subway tile, Italian tile, no fixtures yet.


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## Ronni (Apr 14, 2020)

And then right after they moved in.


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## RadishRose (Apr 14, 2020)

It is VERY cute @Ronni. I just have this "feeling" it's not....... right somehow to be in the yard but not in the house.

Don't mind me, I really have little insight. This is after all, your life and you need to be happy. It's time.


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## Liberty (Apr 14, 2020)

Have faith in you Ronni to "sort it out".  God bless and keep sweet!


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 14, 2020)

Ronni said:


> It’s a mess. I love Ron deeply, but it’s at the point where he needs to grow a pair and put his foot down.


Amen!  No other choice at this point.


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## Pecos (Apr 14, 2020)

I have been happily married for over 35 years. Before that, I was a "Battle Scarred Veteran of The Romantic Wars."
I learned many things and walked away from several romantic involvements.

I can only offer you the wisdom of that famous philosopher Kenny Rodgers in his song "The Gambler."

You've got to know when to hold em.
Know when to fold em.
Know when to walk away.
and know when to run.

I think that I would be lacing up my sneakers about now.


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 14, 2020)

Ronni said:


> I've thought about that too...about Sheri et al moving into the tiny house.
> 
> There is no way that even the most minimal possessions of Sheri and the kids' would fit in the tiny house, (it's TINY, just a bit bigger in square feet than an average sized master bedroom if it were more rectangular, and had a loft just big enough to fit a queen sized bed with a bit of room on each side) Which means that she would continue to access the main house for other possessions, and including the use of the washer and dryer.  I mean, she could be banned from that, but I just don't see it.
> 
> ...


The house is cute, how many square feet is it?  So my suggestion is, Ronni, you read what you‘ve been writing.  Let me see if I have this straight.
1.  You won’t let Sheri and the kids move into the little house because it’s too small for them and too upsetting for the kids not to have access to the main house.
      But you will let Sheri and the kids move out of the house completely to who knows where.  Which will be extremely upsetting to the kids, impact their quality of life greatly, and possibly endanger them.

These two statements show how upset you are.  You love those kids.  You want the best for those kids.  The kids are innocent in all this.  And, I think you want to be in that little house so you can keep an eye on those kids.  I could be wrong.

I don’t know Sheri, but she sounds like she has the same mindless stupidity as my granddaughter. Who is once again living with my daughter and her husband, with her baby.  My granddaughter is probably worst than Sheri.

I think, Ronni, you are letting fear rule you.  Fear of the virus.  “Vengeance and paying her back for my miseries”, hmm.  Vengeance because a stupid young woman visited a friend?  I don’t think so, that’s not you.  Because she is responsible for your “miseries”?  I don’t think so.  Fear of the virus is responsible, IMO.  I could be wrong.

I think you should trust yourself despite your fear and anger. You’ve made a plan.  Move into the little house, or not. Up to you.  Organize your life again.  Lots of us have responded with what we would do, but decide what you want to do.  Take your time.  Calm down.  Then decide, with love and compassion, for yourself.


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## OneEyedDiva (Apr 14, 2020)

Ronni...you did what you had to do and I'm not mad at ya! My sister invited me for dinner Easter Sunday. I chose not to go. First of all, II've had a mild sore throat and slight congestion. Maybe it's not Covid...but maybe it is. Secondly, our grand niece works at a supermarket where they were not allowed to wear masks until a couple of days ago (under Governor's orders). Can't be sure she doesn't have it, or anyone else that would be there. I'm social distancing, even from family, except my son did stop in briefly a couple times last week. I hope Ron's daughter doesn't wind up getting infected and passing it on to her dad and children.


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## Butterfly (Apr 14, 2020)

RadishRose said:


> It is VERY cute @Ronni. I just have this "feeling" it's not....... right somehow to be in the yard but not in the house.
> 
> Don't mind me, I really have little insight. This is after all, your life and you need to be happy. It's time.



I agree with you, RR.  

Ronni, it seems to me that that would be sort of a capitulation on your part anyway, or at least a non-decision/non-solution.  If you move into the tiny house, it seems to me that you would also be "enabling" the daughter (and enabling Ron to enable her).  If it were I in this situation, I would want him to make a decision one way or the other about what he will continue to allow her to do.  I wouldn't think that remaining on his property, but out in the backyard, would help in any way to move the situation forward and makes it seem that you are willing to accept half measures.  If you are, fine, but it could go on forever.

RR is right, you deserve better than living in the backyard, no matter how nice the tiny house is, of a guy who can't make the decision to stop letting his irresponsible daughter control his life.


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## Millyd (Apr 15, 2020)

Im curious where Ron  stands with this issue? 

Remember this virus is not something that’s going to be over with for at least another 6 months
(That’s what we are being told in Australia)

My opinion on the daughters behaviour is ......it’s not only put her / her father / possibly you  @Ronni plus two precious children in danger, she needs to be shown how many are dying from this horrible virus


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## Ronni (Apr 15, 2020)

@Aneeda72 I want to address something you said, in case there's been some misunderstanding. 

_You won’t let Sheri and the kids move into the little house because it’s too small for them and too upsetting for the kids not to have access to the main house.
But you will let Sheri and the kids move out of the house completely to who knows where. Which will be extremely upsetting to the kids, impact their quality of life greatly, and possibly endanger them._

First of all, I have no control of Sheri, so I am in no position to "let" her do anything.  I think that was just a turn of phrase on your part, but in case it's not, I wanted to clarify.
Secondly, the plan all along, at least the way it was pitched to me, is that Sheri was going to move out of the house and establish her own home with her children. That is an appropriate action for her to take and yes, initially it might be upsetting to the kids because of the change, but it's still a reasonable and appropriate next step for Sheri and the littles.  The tiny house would only be a temporary move, it's not a sustainable location for an adult and two kids, so she's have to move again in any case.


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## Ronni (Apr 15, 2020)

Butterfly said:


> I agree with you, RR.
> 
> Ronni, it seems to me that that would be sort of a capitulation on your part anyway, or at least a non-decision/non-solution.  If you move into the tiny house, it seems to me that you would also be "enabling" the daughter (and enabling Ron to enable her).  If it were I in this situation, I would want him to make a decision one way or the other about what he will continue to allow her to do.  I wouldn't think that remaining on his property, but out in the backyard, would help in any way to move the situation forward and makes it seem that you are willing to accept half measures.  If you are, fine, but it could go on forever.
> 
> RR is right, you deserve better than living in the backyard, no matter how nice the tiny house is, of a guy who can't make the decision to stop letting his irresponsible daughter control his life.



I can totally understand why you would see moving to the tiny house as some sort of capitulation.  It's not, but I get why you see it that way.  Lemme explain.  

But first, YES, it IS a non-decision decision. That is where this entire situation has left me.....in a complete MAYBE.  So every decision I'm making right now is an interim one. 

Life in general is just one big uncertainty at the moment.  It was that way before Sheri ever pulled this stunt simply because of the virus. I have no idea when I might go back to work.  When the Stay at Home order is finally lifted (it just got extended for another three weeks here) or the curve flattens or there's a vaccine etc.,will I even still have clients? SHOULD I even go back (Ron and I were talking about me at least cutting back if not retiring completely before the Sheri incident)   But all that was still manageable to a degree (barring my mental state anyway which I've already posted about) because I at least had the foundation of my man and my home. 

Now?  I still have all the uncertainties of the virus/work situation, but I no longer have the foundation of my man and my home, and I DO have very real worries that Ron has been infected, or that he will be.  And there's not a blessed thing I can do about that.  

There is way too much I don't know, and very little that I DO know right now.  I don't know if Sheri or one of the kids has been infected or if Ron has from her Easter stunt. So it's a two week minimum waiting gain.  BUT that uncertainty will just continue out into some vague future time because Sheri clearly has no regard for Ron's health and can't be trusted.  She's alone during the day, she could go anywhere and we will never know because she's deceitful and she lies.  

My living situation at this moment is interim and temporary.  I can't keep living in Milo's sweet little bedroom forever.  If I have to endure a temporary living situation, I view the tiny house as a better interim solution than Milo's bedroom, for all the reasons I've listed.  I don't view it as a capitulation, even though it's easy to see it that way.  

I'm not making accommodations for Sheri, or making things easy for Ron, I'm trying to evaluate the best situation for ME right now.  If it incidentally accommodates Sheri, then that sucks because I don't want to do that, but I also won't punish MYSELF in order to NOT accommodate her.  Does that makes sense?  

If you're still reading at this point, kudos!    I'm gonna keep talking because I'm processing better right now than I have in days, HALLELUJAH!!!!  and I want to work this through till my brain stops working again.  

I am not yet willing to give up on my relationship with Ron, so I'm not making any final decisions one way or another right now.  I have time, I'm taking it. There's nothing forcing me to have to decide anything permanent, right now.  

I will NOT live with Sheri again.  Ron doesn't know that yet.  But I won't manipulate/force Ron into making a decision by giving him a "her or me"  ultimatum. I WILL tell him I am no longer comfortable living in the same house as Sheri.  He can do whatever he wants with that information.  

I need someplace to live for a time that isn't sweet Milo's bedroom

If Ron and I break up, I need somewhere to live permanently,  and until/unless I get all my clients back or get new ones, I cannot afford  a place of my own.  

It will take some time to do the necessary renovations of the downstairs playroom if I choose to live with my daughter and her family.  

And none of that takes into account how bereft I will feel if it actually comes to the point that Ron and I go our separate ways.  That is WAY too much emotionality for me to process right now, so I'm leaving that waaaaaay the hell alone for the moment.


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 15, 2020)

Ronni said:


> @Aneeda72 I want to address something you said, in case there's been some misunderstanding.
> 
> _You won’t let Sheri and the kids move into the little house because it’s too small for them and too upsetting for the kids not to have access to the main house.
> But you will let Sheri and the kids move out of the house completely to who knows where. Which will be extremely upsetting to the kids, impact their quality of life greatly, and possibly endanger them._
> ...


Yup, turn of phrase.  

I agree it’s an appropriate action for Shari to take, but is she capable of doing it?  I‘ve read your other posts and you are a very strong confident capable woman, but seems like Sheri isn’t.  My granddaughter isn’t.  Quite frankly, I am no where near as capable as you are, and I become less capable every day.

How does Sheri move out?

I am trying to brain storm with you as if we were sitting together and discussing it over tea.  I am not trying to give you advice or influence you in any way.  I am only bringing my granddaughter into the discussion because the issues are similar.

My granddaughter moved out from her mothers with the baby, and yes, it involved yet another man.  Granddaughter is an expert manipulator, I pretty sure she surpasses Rons daughter in this area.

I’m not going to tell you to run from Ron.  I actually just want to be someone you can talk to that has no dog in the fight.  But, if you want, I”ll just shut up.


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## Ronni (Apr 15, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> Yup, turn of phrase.
> 
> I agree it’s an appropriate action for Shari to take, but is she capable of doing it?  I‘ve read your other posts and you are a very strong confident capable woman, but seems like Sheri isn’t.  My granddaughter isn’t.  Quite frankly, I am no where near as capable as you are, and I become less capable every day.
> 
> ...



Don't shut up.  The back and forth is helpful to me.  

I've come to the conclusion that Sheri will only move out if forced to do so...i.e. if Ron tells her it's time.  Unless there's another man who doesn't see through her BS beforehand and she moves in with him, she'll just continue to float along at Ron's house.  I mean, I think eventually she'll probably move once both the kids are in public school and she doesn't have to pay for childcare.  Until then though (3 more years) she'll stay put so she can continue to have fun-money because she's not having to pay for childcare AND rent.  

If she moves now (well, when she's working again) money will be tight.  She earns well, but she spends frivolously and likes to have a LOT of disposable income.  From what I understand of her finances, (and it isn't much) when she's working again she can afford to live on her own even with having to pay for child care, but it will be tight.  She can't afford to buy which is what she wants and is what she wanted John to facilitate.  And she doesn't want to "waste" money renting.  Even under the best circumstances, single Moms have it hard and I am sympathetic to that.  Just not sympathetic enough to sacrifice my own life to accommodate hers if there's any way I can avoid it.

I think Ron hasn't fully embraced the fact that Sheri will only move out if he forces the issue, if he tells her its time.  He keeps expecting her to just do it. He's just sort of waiting I think, for her to take that step when she feels ready, when all her ducks are in a row.  He doesn't get that there will NEVER be a "right time."   I think too that he doesn't want to be the bad guy, doesn't want to experience her wrath, her grief, her guilt trips, her desolation because she'll pull all that and more in an effort to manipulate him.  But he hasn't yet seen it as manipulation, as a show for his benefit, so it's not easy for him to just take the hard line and persist on through.  

I haven't pushed Ron to discuss Sheri moving out because I understand his process.  He shuts down while he's working things through, and then is able to discuss things more coherently.  MY process is completely different.....I want to talk and talk and talk and work things through that way........as has to be evident by how much I post lol!!!!  Since Sheri pulled her crap over Easter, all I've been talking about with him is how deceitful, how wrong that was, how she disregarded his health and well being etc.  Very little about getting her moved out because I know damn well he'd balk at that at this time simply because she's not working/earning.  

I would like to discuss with him the idea of once she IS working again, give her a deadline of a month, and stick to it.  As previously mentioned I am not going to give him any kind of ultimatum.  That particular discussion won't be about me, it will be about Sheri and Ron and how enmeshed he is with her and how emotionally unhealthy his enabling of her is.  Etc.


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 15, 2020)

Ronni said:


> There is way too much I don't know, and very little that I DO know right now. I don't know if Sheri or one of the kids has been infected or if Ron has from her Easter stunt. So it's a two week minimum waiting gain. BUT that uncertainty will just continue out into some vague future time because Sheri clearly has no regard for Ron's health and can't be trusted. She's alone during the day, she could go anywhere and we will never know because she's deceitful and she lies.
> 
> My living situation at this moment is interim and temporary. I can't keep living in Milo's sweet little bedroom forever. If I have to endure a temporary living situation, I view the tiny house as a better interim solution than Milo's bedroom, for all the reasons I've listed. I don't view it as a capitulation, even though it's easy to see it that way.
> 
> ...



I understand where you're coming from Ronni, living in the small house is probably a better choice for you and your daughter.  Unfortunately, you have a touchy situation on your hands that you don't deserve at all.  The virus pandemic is tough enough to deal with, I admire your strength and clarity in thinking during this time.  

I know what you mean about giving Ron an ultimatum, she goes or I go.  He needs to grow a spine and make that decision on his own, so it's not held over your head in the future as things go on with Sheri, I'm sure she'll be screwing up left and right and expecting others to fix her messes for her.  You've already done more than I would have in this situation, her presence would have been temporary....period. 

  I hope Ron will insist on Sheri growing up and living on her own, it too bad if the kids are uncomfortable for awhile, but parents are supposed to care enough for their kids to do what's best for them.  She'll never take responsibility for anything if people keep enabling her irresponsible behavior. 

 I really hope that you and Ron never split up, and that you can live a happy life together and _alone_. Thanks for the updates, thinking of you, hang in there.


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 15, 2020)

Yup, all valid points and glad I don’t have to shut up, cause, well, have you noticed I like to talk as well?  . Below is what my daughter did, just sharing ideals.  Of course, you would adapt this to your situations if it seems appropriate to you.

Where is she getting her spending money?  This is the first step.  (When Ron is ABLE to listen.). No spending money.  It would be fair for Ron to charge rent.  This you could discuss with Ron.  This was what my daughter and husband did before she had a child.  You live here, you pay rent.

Step two.  Who watches the children while she goes and plays?  It would be fair for no one to watch the children but her.  A point to discuss with Ron would be if she is to move out, and handle the children on her own, then she needs to take care of the children, fully, while here.  Cause Ron is not moving out with her.

Which means no babysitting by anyone while they are in his house, which means she cleans up after them, does all her and their laundry, makes their meals, wipes their butts, etc.  It also means Ron gets to observe and make sure his grandchildren are probably cared for, and add suggestions if they are not.  Drove granddaughter crazy.

This is where Ron has to really step up to the process and start growing those balls .  (This step drove my daughters husband crazy the first time granddaughter and baby moved to their home.  It almost killed them, they had to monitor the situation constantly.  I had to always assure them that eventually the baby would sleep through the night.  ).

But they had/have two adopted daughters who behave this way.  It’s been horrendous.  They are both in their 20’s now and still idiots.  Anyway, above just things to think about.


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## Liberty (Apr 15, 2020)

Too bad...let's see, we know that it will take over a year to develop and test a coronavirus vaccine, just wondering if they could also take a crack at developing an "emotional immaturity" vaccine, too.

Like George Burns said  - everyone should come from a big family - that lives 2,000 miles away.


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## Keesha (Apr 15, 2020)

Ronni said:


> I don't want her traipsing through the house,  even if she has to ask permission which would absolutely be a non-negotiable condition.  And the kids are just too young yet to understand why the only real home they've ever known is now off limits to them.  That they can't go in and out at will.  They're decent kids in spite of the constant parade of men in their lives, but imposing the kinds of limits that would have to be imposed on them would be way outside their understanding, and (unintentionally) cruel to them.



Hey Ronni, 
I’ve just gone back to some of your past threads to try to better understand what’s going on here. Sheri moves back in with Ron 3 years ago due to an abusive relationship. From the paragraph above, it appears like she’s had a few men in her life and I only just realized that this is the one she eloped with in Los Vegas and is someone she only just met recently. Now she’s kicked him to the curb because he’s the one who mentioned them visiting other people during this pandemic?

This is messed up.  It’s no wonder you are stressed. This isn’t a good start to a healthy marriage. I wish I could offer some good advice but this is out of my range of understanding. I think I’d opt for the tiny house. I’d feel safer there since there’s less people, less stuff to worry about cleaning, contaminating etc., You could really simplify your lifestyle and make that place your own secluded sanctuary. Look after yourself the best you can while Ron takes care of his ‘family’ affairs and hopefully this will all work out. 

I wish you the very best Ronni


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## Ronni (Apr 15, 2020)

Keesha said:


> Hey Ronni,
> I’ve just gone back to some of your past threads to try to better understand what’s going on here. Sheri moves back in with Ron 3 years ago due to an abusive relationship. From the paragraph above, it appears like she’s had a few men in her life and I only just realized that this is the one she eloped with in Los Vegas and is someone she only just met recently. Now she’s kicked him to the curb because he’s the one who mentioned them visiting other people during this pandemic?
> 
> This is messed up.  It’s no wonder you are stressed. This isn’t a good start to a healthy marriage. I wish I could offer some good advice but this is out of my range of understanding. I think I’d opt for the tiny house. I’d feel safer there since there’s less people, less stuff to worry about cleaning, contaminating etc., You could really simplify your lifestyle and make that place your own secluded sanctuary. Look after yourself the best you can while Ron takes care of his ‘family’ affairs and hopefully this will all work out.
> ...



Most of that is correct except the part about her new husband John. She kicked him out because HE is the one who told me that Sheri had gone visiting and being social with her friends.

He told us. She then dumped him.


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## Keesha (Apr 15, 2020)

Ronni said:


> Most of that is correct except the part about her new husband John. She kicked him out because HE is the one who told me that Sheri had gone visiting and being social with her friends.
> 
> He told us. She then dumped him.


Yes. That’s what I said but didn’t realize he wasn’t with her while visiting these friends? Ok! So she basically betrayed him also.


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 15, 2020)

Liberty said:


> Too bad...let's see, we know that it will take over a year to develop and test a coronavirus vaccine, just wondering if they could also take a crack at developing an "emotional immaturity" vaccine, too.
> 
> Like George Burns said  - everyone should come from a big family - that lives 2,000 miles away.


But I want my daughter here and my great granddaughter.  My granddaughter, hmm, have to think about it.  Lol.


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## Ronni (Apr 15, 2020)

Keesha said:


> Yes. That’s what I said but didn’t realize he wasn’t with her while visiting these friends? Ok! So she basically betrayed him also.



Sorry....I misunderstood your earlier question so yeah, I just basically repeated what you'd already said lol!  

Right. He's in an "essential services" position (mechanic) but has his own business and is able to work alone for the most part and has been very vigilant as much as possible, about not transmitting the virus with appropriate sanitizing measures.  He came home from work, I asked him where Sheri was, and said she had been at her friend Brooke's house and was on her way to her other friend Morgan's house.  Both those friends have boyfriends and small children. He'd texted her when he was on his way home from work as he always does, and that's what she said.


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## Keesha (Apr 15, 2020)

Ronni said:


> Sorry....I misunderstood your earlier question so yeah, I just basically repeated what you'd already said lol!
> 
> Right. He's in an "essential services" position (mechanic) but has his own business and is able to work alone for the most part and has been very vigilant about transmitting the virus.  He came home from work, I asked him where Sheri was, and said she had been at her friend Brooke's house and was on her way to her other friend Morgan's house.  Both have boyfriends and small children. He'd texted her when he was on his way home from work as he always does, and that's what she said.


No worries. 

A mechanic with his own business. Wow! Most people who run their own business have to be extra vigilant cause if they are sick nobody pays their bills. The poor guy. He had to find someplace to stay in a moments notice during this pandemic! 
That’s crazy. He was blind sided just as you were. I truly feel bad for all of you. Considering this is a pandemic trust in  family members is vitally important.


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## AnnieA (Apr 15, 2020)

@Ronni Somewhere above, I mentioned couples counseling before you and Ron marry ...once we're back to doing normal life stuff like counseling. Thinking about it more, Sheri needs to be in on that given she's part of the core family living under one roof. And don't think she'll be under his roof long if therapy is a requirement.

With your line of work, you'll be able to hook up with someone top notch which is needed given Sheri's narcissism.  Someone good that none of you know personally.

Several people have mentioned making her uncomfortable and that would surely do it.  Narcissists do not at all like therapy with professionals that have their number.

It'll cover more bases than that too.  It's not an unreasonable condition for Ron to set; actually demonstrates love for her and the kids.  If she won't go,  she can't paint him as the bad Dad for setting that requirement (and paying her fee). He'll also have some emotional relief on telling her to find somewhere else to live as well because he'll be advised by an objective professional that to let her stay as things are now is harmful for her.

Ron is trapped in a painful place with her even if you weren't in the picture. Her current behavior isn't what loving parents want for their kids.  Including Sheri in with you will--I think--more effectively help him see and work through the grieving process of the loss of their relationship as it is now (because it's about 99% probable that she'll lash out at or cut him off) more so than if he went alone or with you.


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## Ronni (Apr 16, 2020)

Ronni said:


> Most of that is correct except the part about her new husband John. She kicked him out because HE is the one who told me that Sheri had gone visiting and being social with her friends.
> 
> He told us. She then dumped him.



I'm replying to my own comment to further clarify that John and Sheri were having issues before this. Sheri told me a few times they were "in a rough patch" to use her words.  Him telling us where Sheri was is just the straw that broke the camel's back.  Issues had been building between them from before they got married.  I mean, the speed at which things progressed between them is mind boggling.  Met, dated, married, and divorced....all in 5 months.      Thanksgiving 2019 to now.

John was very frank with me about how unhealthy this relationship became for him.  He told me on the surface they were completely compatible (and they were, the first thing I noticed....they had identical interests, strengths, sense of humor, same tastes in stuff, so many similarities) and he fell so completely in love and was so excited to have a fun life partner that he just didn't take the time he should have taken to get to know her better.  Superficially they were 100% alike, and he is angry at himself that he didn't dig deeper.

He sent me a long text in which he explained he tried for 3 months to buy a house for them and she wouldn’t be satisfied.  She undermined him and complained of every location and made it impossible.  I'm mentioning this because Sheri complained all the time about how John was making her (Sheri) do all the work of finding a place.  She didn't mention that was because he got sick and tired of presenting dozens of places to her and her turning them all down, so he finally just told her to find what she wanted. I went looking at several houses with her.  I was surprised that she was looking outside of her price range.  She told me more than once "John can afford it."  

She also expected to still work and make money (before the quarantine) but insisted John pay all her bills. I was in the room during several arguments where Sheri was demanding John pay for something (in one case it was a medical bill of one of her kids, in another her credit card payment) and he was pointing out that they were expenses incurred before they were ever together, and though he was willing to split expenses in general he wasn't willing to just take on all her debt.  She was really angry. 

She complained that John was hard on the boys.  I never once saw him deal with them any differently than Sheri herself did.  He modeled his interaction with the kids on Sheri's own.  I heard her countless times threaten the boys with John as a way to get them to mind...."You better act right or I'm gonna tell John/John's gonna deal with you" etc. wilding him like a sword or hammer.  And then she  turns around and says he's too hard on them? 

I think what really got to Sheri was that he finally called a halt to them buying a house.  I witnessed that conversation too.  He said now wasn't the right time, and she completely flew off the handle.  My opinion is that once she realized that he was not as invested in her and their relationship as he had been, and was taking a breather to sort things out, that's what tipped her over the edge. She couldn't use him and his money?  He wouldn't buy her the home she wanted?  He wouldn't pay for stuf?  She was done with him.  On to greener pastures. 

All of the relationships she had prior to John that I know about/knew the men, they all ended because of money, though in every case Sheri insisted it was because they were mean to her and/or the boys, etc.  I had conversations with those men just the way I have had with John, and in each case Sheri was furious about some kind of money aspect. The first one wouldn't spend any money on her.  The second was way to frivolous with his money and wouldn't listen to her about how it should be spent.  The third changed jobs in order to vastly increase the benefits to Sheri and the boys and provide a much better financial future for them over the long haul, but because it made $1 less an hour she was done with him. 

And then there was John.  Who wouldn't by her a house.


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## StarSong (Apr 16, 2020)

Keesha said:


> Considering this is a pandemic, trust in family members is vitally important.


If that isn't the ever-loving blue-eyed truth, I don't know what is. 



Ronni said:


> She couldn't use him and his money? He wouldn't buy her the home she wanted? He wouldn't pay for stuff? She was done with him. On to greener pastures.


It seems that Ron has become her fall-back "greener pasture."  We all get why Sheri's doing this. Why wouldn't she? 

Sheri isn't your problem though. Ron is. 

He allows her to call the shots because it's more comfortable for him to enable his daughter than to deal with her abuse, tantrums, and (likely) threats of estranging herself and her children that will come, if and when he requires her to stand on her own two feet.

Raising independent, contributing members of society is one of the primary goals of parenting. If Ron isn't willing to deal with his discomfort at finishing this job by forcing the issue, I fear Sheri will always find a way to be in the driver's seat. To finish the metaphor, Ron will be riding shotgun, and you'll be the lowly backseat passenger.


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 16, 2020)

Hmm, I am torn.  As I remember Ronni has done tough love with one of her sons, but still supported him, emotionally at least.  I think that took a while and son is better.  I did tough love with my oldest son for a different reason but always supported him emotionally and a little financially when I could.

As I have all my children, always supported my granddaughters emotionally.  But tough love as needed for every one of them in certain situations.  Daughter uses tough love as well.  But some people are not able to do this.

I wonder if Ron is a reader.  If so, maybe a couple of books on how tough love works would make a nice present for Ron


My granddaughter has had three relationships as well, no marriages.  As for John’s not paying Sheri’s bills or paying for the kids.  Up until you said that I might have been on John’s side.  With that attitude he would have never been a good father for those kids.  My husband always paid for my son’s needs, and, as soon as my ex allowed, my husband adopted him.  Think my son was 7 at the time.

John is in the loser category as far as I am concerned.  Shari is well rid of him.


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## Liberty (Apr 16, 2020)

Can the leopards change their spots.


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## peppermint (Apr 16, 2020)

I won't get into this...I'll just say to Ronni, be well and somehow this will pass.....
It's not my business to have a say.....


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## Ronni (Apr 16, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> My granddaughter has had three relationships as well, no marriages.  As for John’s not paying Sheri’s bills or paying for the kids.  Up until you said that I might have been on John’s side.  With that attitude he would have never been a good father for those kids.  My husband always paid for my son’s needs, and, as soon as my ex allowed, my husband adopted him.  Think my son was 7 at the time.
> 
> John is in the loser category as far as I am concerned.  Shari is well rid of him.



We disagree on this point.  

He paid for everything while they were together. Bought all the groceries, gifts for the kids, Christmas, parts for her car so he could fix it, split the daycare costs with her etc.  

He drew the line at not paying for debt she incurred before they got together.  I agree with him.  I had zero expectation that Ron cover any of my past debt. He even offered, and I refused.


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 16, 2020)

Ronni said:


> We disagree on this point.
> 
> He paid for everything while they were together. Bought all the groceries, gifts for the kids, Christmas, parts for her car so he could fix it, split the daycare costs with her etc.
> 
> He drew the line at not paying for debt she incurred before they got together.  I agree with him.  I had zero expectation that Ron cover any of my past debt. He even offered, and I refused.


It’s ok that we disagree.  I am frequently wrong.  I had no past debt when I married my husband, he did, lol.  His credit was in the hole.  I worked at the time, I helped catch him up on many bills, got his credit in great shape, and then I started my medical journey downhill.


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## Ladybj (Apr 16, 2020)

Pecos said:


> I have been happily married for over 35 years. Before that, I was a "Battle Scarred Veteran of The Romantic Wars."
> I learned many things and walked away from several romantic involvements.
> 
> I can only offer you the wisdom of that famous philosopher Kenny Rodgers in his song "The Gambler."
> ...


SOOOOOOO TRUE..  "Know when to fold em. Know when to walk away".   Love it!!!


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## Butterfly (Apr 17, 2020)

Ladybj said:


> SOOOOOOO TRUE..  "Know when to fold em. Know when to walk away".   Love it!!!





Ronni said:


> Most of that is correct except the part about her new husband John. She kicked him out because HE is the one who told me that Sheri had gone visiting and being social with her friends.
> 
> He told us. She then dumped him.



So she dumped him because he told you the truth about something that could seriously affect your health and the health of the rest of the family?   She really IS a piece of work.


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 17, 2020)

Butterfly said:


> So she dumped him because he told you the truth about something that could seriously affect your health and the health of the rest of the family?   She really IS a piece of work.


I think Ronni said that there were other issues and this was the last straw.


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## oldman (Apr 17, 2020)

Ronni said:


> We disagree on this point.
> 
> He paid for everything while they were together. Bought all the groceries, gifts for the kids, Christmas, parts for her car so he could fix it, split the daycare costs with her etc.
> 
> He drew the line at not paying for debt she incurred before they got together.  I agree with him.  I had zero expectation that Ron cover any of my past debt. He even offered, and I refused.


Ronni-----I think you are on the right road. Your stepdaughter comes with a lot of baggage. Besides having some type of mental issue(s), she seems to be fixated on money. Like maybe she is thinking, "What can I get out of this guy next?" Manipulation and co-dependency seems to be at work here. Next up is a dysfunctional family.

Have you ever considered getting some professional advice? Right now, I am seeing my Therapist using "Teletherapy." I go online using the doctor's link that he sends to me and when I sign in, I go into his waiting room, until he invites me into his office and then the session begins. Pretty cool.


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## Ronni (Apr 17, 2020)

oldman said:


> Ronni-----I think you are on the right road. Your stepdaughter comes with a lot of baggage. Besides having some type of mental issue(s), she seems to be fixated on money. Like maybe she is thinking, "What can I get out of this guy next?" Manipulation and co-dependency seems to be at work here. Next up is a dysfunctional family.
> 
> Have you ever considered getting some professional advice? Right now, I am seeing my Therapist using "Teletherapy." I go online using the doctor's link that he sends to me and when I sign in, I go into his waiting room, until he invites me into his office and then the session begins. Pretty cool.



Well, in better times I've suggested Sheri get some counseling, both to her directly and to Ron.  From everything the family told me, the Baby Daddy of her kids was an abusive @#$.  She could certainly benefit from some counseling, as evidenced by her dysfunctional relationships with men.  I told her how much it helped me.  Ron enthusiastically agreed.  Sheri didn't. 

I am always open to therapy, to a support group, to group sessions, to anything that might help.  In this case though, I feel like it won't benefit the situation much for me to just get individual therapy.  And though I'm depressed and upset, I know what the source of that is, I know what needs to happen to fix it, and I know where I stand on both those things.  So I'm not sure how much therapy will help in this current situation.


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 17, 2020)

Ronni said:


> Well, in better times I've suggested Sheri get some counseling, both to her directly and to Ron.  From everything the family told me, the Baby Daddy of her kids was an abusive @#$.  She could certainly benefit from some counseling, as evidenced by her dysfunctional relationship with men.  I told her how much it helped me.  Ron enthusiastically agreed.  Sheri didn't.
> 
> I am always open to therapy, to a support group, to group sessions, to anything that might help.  In this case though, I feel like it won't benefit the situation much for me to just get individual therapy.  And though I'm depressed and upset, I know what the source of that is, I know what needs to happen to fix it, and I know where I stand on both those things.  So I'm not sure how much therapy will help in this current situation.


Therapy might help with your fear of the virus, other than that, I agree with what you wrote


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## Ronni (Apr 17, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> Therapy might help with your fear of the virus, other than that, I agree with what you wrote


Do you think fear of the virus, of getting sick, possibly being hospitalized, giving it to someone else (my family for example)  is an inappropriate response?


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## oldman (Apr 17, 2020)

Sounds like you have strong convictions about this and you also know how you would like this situation to end. Now, all you need is a plan to make it happen.


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 17, 2020)

Ronni said:


> Do you think fear of the virus, of getting sick, possibly being hospitalized, giving it to someone else (my family for example)  is an inappropriate response?


No, I am referring to before when you said you were having trouble coping because of the changes you had to make in reorganizing what you were doing due to the virus.  If I have you mixed up with someone else, I am sorry.


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## Sassycakes (Apr 17, 2020)

*If you consider Therapy I think the one that really needs it is Ron.   Maybe he should understand he is being an enabler to his daughter which can be very harmful to not only him but to his daughter and grandchildren and of course you. I wish he would go to therapy.*


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 17, 2020)

I don’t know how therapy works where you are or where Ronni is, but I tried to get therapy for my husband three times.  When the therapists refused to give him individual therapy, I insisted he get psychological testing for certain issues.

The testing came back that he had issues, needed medication, and therapy.  He was referred to a psychiatrist.  The doctor refused to treat him unless he started to put holes in the walls, hit me, or we did couples therapy.  

Over the years I came to realize that we were not a couple and never have been a couple.  He always puts himself first, always has, always will.  Therefore, I am never going to couples therapy.  My point?  Where I am there would be no therapy unless all three went together, because its a relationship problem.


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## Wren (Apr 22, 2020)

I’m wondering Ronnie, what happened with this baby you posted about on 30 January in your topic ‘Lots of changes in my step family’ in the Family and Relationship forum before the elopement to Las Vegas ? 

‘Then last night, Sheri and John take me aside and wordlessly shows me a photo on her phone.....it's a pregnancy test and it's positive!!! WHAT?????? That is not, apparently why they're heading to Vegas. They had no idea she was pregnant when they hatched the Vegas plan and bought the tickets. This was an oops, it just occurred to her yesterday to check the calendar to see when she was due, and she was overdue by a couple of days, and she's NEVER overdue so...there you go! This is freaking them out, but they're also thrilled. They're really living life in the fast lane that's for sure!!!!’


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## Em in Ohio (Apr 22, 2020)

Your grandkids sound like better company.


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## Ronni (Apr 22, 2020)

Wren said:


> I’m wondering Ronnie, what happened with this baby you posted about on 30 January in your topic ‘Lots of changes in my step family’ in the Family and Relationship forum before the elopement to Las Vegas ?
> 
> ‘Then last night, Sheri and John take me aside and wordlessly shows me a photo on her phone.....it's a pregnancy test and it's positive!!! WHAT?????? That is not, apparently why they're heading to Vegas. They had no idea she was pregnant when they hatched the Vegas plan and bought the tickets. This was an oops, it just occurred to her yesterday to check the calendar to see when she was due, and she was overdue by a couple of days, and she's NEVER overdue so...there you go! This is freaking them out, but they're also thrilled. They're really living life in the fast lane that's for sure!!!!’


She miscarried within days of that post.   I thought I'd updated.  Sorry.


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