# Fun With Funeral Planning



## Medusa (Jan 12, 2022)

Does anyone else find comfort in designing their own funeral? I do; it eases my pain, soothes me, when I’m struggling. (Also, and importantly, it's a kindness to my family, to ease the burden of planning, allowing them to simply grieve, for the most part.)


I've looked around a little bit and haven't seen a thread specifically for this particular topic here so I thought I'd bring it up as it is of interest to me and I thought might be so to others, as well. Because it’s a thing that happens to literally everyone. Why not make it fun? And, if you do, the only way to do that is beforehand because of the being dead thing.


I have been looking at designs and examples for my funeral dress, which I would like to make for myself (I sew), but will resort to buying if necessary. It is going to be a long, hooded, long-sleeved, medieval-type dress and I will be lying in what will hopefully be a cardboard box, as I plan to be cremated, surrounded by Sunflowers and holding a bunch of them at my waist.


My hair will be pulled forward and my daughter will know how to apply my liquid moisturizer, mascara and eyeliner. I would like my fingernails to be painted a light shell pink and my toenails to match. No shoes and just the tips of my toenails showing beyond my dress.


Also I would like there to be no memorial service as I am reclusive and it would only be a pointless waste of money for my family and my one very close friend from childhood. They can have a little service at our house if they want to and actually, ---it’s just become part of my plan, now that I think of it. I’ve just incorporated it.


My only requirement (or wish I suppose is a better word) for the “after party” is the presence of enchiladas, good chocolate and excellent coffee.


I have researched funeral homes and crematoriums and put some information in a folder for my family so that they won't have too much to think/worry about and, importantly, won't have to spend too much money.


I actually found a cremation service that was having an urn sale, as in you get a free urn with your cremation. That cracked me up because we have always been very frugal and I would just love that; it would make my people laugh.


That's about as far as I've gotten, but as I say, it comforts me, the planning. I will die someday and when things are hard I find this exercise quieting.


I did see a thread (on a different site) about choosing funeral songs which is something I had not considered. I'll have to think about that because I think that's something nice that I would like to have at my little family memorial.

Anyone else do this?

Also, when lying in bed sometimes, does anyone else breathe out really slowly and pretend it’s their last breath? Or is that just me? -- *That was a joke*. I've been told I have a bit of a Wednesday Adams sense of humor so cut me some slack, but seriously, *joking*. Ha! I made an oxymoron.


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## Paco Dennis (Jan 12, 2022)

I got that in order about 3 years ago. I looked into a "green burial". I will be wrapped in a cloth, lowered into the grave, no plaque, and return to Mother. I will be buried on a tall Missouri hill next to black servants of white privileged masters. I told the black funeral arrangers that most of my best friends have been black and that it felt just right to be buried next to them. As I write this I am aware that there is that growing death wish in me...a place to finally rest.


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## Della (Jan 12, 2022)

Great idea for a thread.  I, too, want to have all the decisions made and written down so that my son wont be worried forever that he did something wrong.


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## Tom 86 (Jan 12, 2022)

When my wife got Cancer we both went to the funeral home here & made our arrangements.  We both are being cremated & I have her ashes here on the fireplace mantle along with 3 of our dogs.  

The Funeral director said it would be best this way & cheaper as they don't have to open the gravesite twice. So when I pass, then my D.I.L who has my power of attorney will take dogs & wife to the funeral home, then after I'm cremated & my present dog that 10+ years old put to sleep & cremated. 

  Two of the dogs that were wife's dogs & two that were mine will be put with each of us then in a burial ?? then in graves opened by our marker that's already there & put in the ground. NO services.


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## Medusa (Jan 12, 2022)

Paco Dennis said:


> I got that in order about 3 years ago. I looked into a "green burial". I will be wrapped in a cloth, lowered into the grave, no plaque, and return to Mother. I will be buried on a tall Missouri hill next to black servants of white privileged masters. I told the black funeral arrangers that most of my best friends have been black and that it felt just right to be buried next to them. As I write this I am aware that there is that growing death wish in me...a place to finally rest.


This is a beautiful heart-touching plan.  It sounds peaceful and giving of yourself even to the very last.  

"_As I write this I am aware that there is that growing death wish in me...a place to finally rest._"

That resonates with me as well; we get tired, don't we?  That's why, in part, the planning eases me; it reminds me that rest is coming.  

Disclaimer:  I do feel the need to point out that I have a good life with people who love me which I am in no real hurry to give up.  -- It's just... we get tired sometimes.


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## Medusa (Jan 12, 2022)

Della said:


> Great idea for a thread.  I, too, want to have all the decisions made and written down so that my son wont be worried forever that he did something wrong.


That's caring and motherly of you, to want to ease your son's emotional state around this subject going into his future, even when you're not there to say the words.  ♥


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## Medusa (Jan 12, 2022)

Tom 86 said:


> When my wife got Cancer we both went to the funeral home here & made our arrangements.  We both are being cremated & I have her ashes here on the fireplace mantle along with 3 of our dogs.
> 
> The Funeral director said it would be best this way & cheaper as they don't have to open the gravesite twice. So when I pass, then my D.I.L who has my power of attorney will take dogs & wife to the funeral home, then after I'm cremated & my present dog that 10+ years old put to sleep & cremated.
> 
> Two of the dogs that were wife's dogs & two that were mine will be put with each of us then in a burial ?? then in graves opened by our marker that's already there & put in the ground. NO services.


The idea of having the dogs you both loved's ashes buried with yours is so touching and, I don't know... just perfect.  

I hope you don't mind my stealing your beautiful idea but I must. My most best beloved Boxer, Howie was lost to our family in March of 2019 and I still cry sometimes. We have a little shrine for him in the living room with his ashes, leash, paw print, etc. 

I want that too, to have my Howie's ashes mixed with and scattered with mine. We will blow into the wind together. 

How amazing.  You have a lovely heart.  

PS: The only glitch here is that my daughter may have an issue as she was/is Howie's "other mother," and we truly raised him together. -We'll have to discuss.

I want to Whatsapp my daughter right now and tell her about it. But, it's before 10:00 am and she's a body piercer; the them that's like, 5:00am.

Thank you for this post.


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## Tom 86 (Jan 12, 2022)

Medusa said:


> The idea of having the dogs you both loved's ashes buried with yours is so touching and, I don't know... just perfect.
> 
> I hope you don't mind my stealing your beautiful idea but I must. My most best beloved Boxer, Howie was lost to our family in March of 2019 and I still cry sometimes. We have a little shrine for him in the living room with his ashes, leash, paw print, etc.
> 
> ...


Medusa;
Feel free to take anything I post here.  I believe that anything I post is up for grabs If you want to use it. 

  My wife & I had many discussions about when we cremated our pets on what we were going to do with them. *We feel* *they are "part of our family" so they go with us.*  If I passed first she would do what I did, & she would put my ashes on the mantel & wait for all of us to be buried at once.


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## Jeni (Jan 12, 2022)

well have told kids in general and suggested certain music but most likely would shore up details on paper or something 

My grandmother pre-planned was a great stress reliever and not discussions/ fights about what she wanted


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## Knight (Jan 12, 2022)

Plans made years ago. Everything from cremation & burial plot to organizing all financial information. Sons made aware of everything planned out. Wasn't fun but having covered the inevitable  removes the worst part for surviving family members. That part being what needs to be done.


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## Tom 86 (Jan 12, 2022)

Jeni said:


> well have told kids in general and suggested certain music but most likely would shore up details on paper or something
> 
> My grandmother pre-planned was a great stress reliever and not discussions/ fights about what she wanted


That's what our funeral director did.  Everything is in writing & paid for in advance. So When I pass there will be no problems with payments or anything else.  It's all spelled out in the contract.

  I learned this years ago when my Mom went & did pre-arrangements for her funeral at the same time my Dad died. She had it all in writing & also paid for it.   When she died about 10 years later the funeral director told me there is nothing to pay as she has done that years ago.  He did say it was a good thing as for her funeral the way she wanted it now would have been about $1,500.00 more.


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## Aunt Bea (Jan 12, 2022)

I preplanned and prepaid my funeral because I wanted to keep it simple and inexpensive.

It wasn't my idea of fun, but it does give me a feeling of satisfaction to know that it has been taken care of.


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## Sunny (Jan 12, 2022)

I haven't made such explicit plans, and don't intend to. But I did give my daughter a (short) list of favorite music that would be nice to have included in any memorial service on my behalf.


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## peppermint (Jan 12, 2022)

Sunny said:


> I haven't made such explicit plans, and don't intend to. But I did give my daughter a (short) list of favorite music that would be nice to have included in any memorial service on my behalf.


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## Chet (Jan 12, 2022)

I will be cremated and the ashes placed into the grave of my father which will be reopened for that purpose. I got the particulars from the cremation service of cost, etc. My nephew has all he needs to know when the time comes because I wrote it all down including keys for the house, will etc. which he all has. I made one of my checking accounts a joint account with my nephew so he can have immediate access to the funds to take care of business.


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## mrstime (Jan 12, 2022)

About 15 years ago we went down to the local funeral parlor and paid for our cremations. No service, no anything!


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## MissMac (Jan 12, 2022)

Medusa said:


> Does anyone else find comfort in designing their own funeral? I do; it eases my pain, soothes me, when I’m struggling. (Also, and importantly, it's a kindness to my family, to ease the burden of planning, allowing them to simply grieve, for the most part.)
> 
> 
> I've looked around a little bit and haven't seen a thread specifically for this particular topic here so I thought I'd bring it up as it is of interest to me and I thought might be so to others, as well. Because it’s a thing that happens to literally everyone. Why not make it fun? And, if you do, the only way to do that is beforehand because of the being dead thing.
> ...


I love this thread.  I am donating my body to medical science.  I have a contract with an organization called Science Care.  They will retrieve my body and forward it to a facility doing teaching or research. There will be no funeral expenses for my family to bear.  No funeral director will get any part of my kids' inheritance. When my body is done providing all the benefit it can, it will be cremated and returned to my family if they want it.  They accept bodies in any condition, no matter how hollowed out you are.


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## Medusa (Jan 12, 2022)

mrstime said:


> About 15 years ago we went down to the local funeral parlor and paid for our cremations. No service, no anything!


That's great; one and done.


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## tortiecat (Jan 12, 2022)

Prepaid plans made years ago, costs have gone up
over 300 % since.


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## Murrmurr (Jan 12, 2022)

tortiecat said:


> Prepaid plans made years ago, costs have gone up
> over 300 % since.


My grandmother's funeral home tried to charge my mom and her sister for the cost difference. Just know that you signed an agreement with your funeral home, so they are legally bound to the amount you agreed on. Let your kids (or whomever) know that. My mom and aunt won that argument and weren't charged anything.

BUT, some funeral homes are including a clause that says they WILL make your kids (or whomever) liable for cost adjustments. So if your agreement says that then you should set some money aside for it if you can.


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## Aunt Bea (Jan 12, 2022)

It can also go the other way.
My parent's burial deposits grew, with the statutory interest, so there was money left over.
Always ask a few questions.


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## Murrmurr (Jan 12, 2022)

I pre-planned. I have an envelope that has enough money in it for a cheap cremation and a party, plus a data stick with my favorite songs on it. My kids know where it is.


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## Alligatorob (Jan 12, 2022)

Medusa said:


> Does anyone else find comfort in designing their own funeral?


Not much, my plans are simple, cremate me as cheaply as possible and do whatever you want with the ashes.  Matters little.


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## Skyking (Jan 12, 2022)

I'm pre-planning everything that I can to ease the burden on my wife. I wouldn't have it any other way. It's a bit late when you are in intensive care so estate planning post-me is a top priority.


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## jerry old (Jan 12, 2022)

Tom 86 said:


> The Funeral director said it would be best this way & cheaper as they don't have to open the gravesite twice. So when I pass, then my D.I.L who has my power of attorney will take dogs & wife to the funeral home, then after I'm cremated & my *present dog that 10+ years old put to sleep & cremate*


Why do you want to kill your dog, does your dog get a vote?


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## Warrigal (Jan 12, 2022)

Knight said:


> Plans made years ago. Everything from cremation & burial plot to organizing all financial information. Sons made aware of everything planned out. Wasn't fun but having covered the inevitable  removes the worst part for surviving family members. That part being what needs to be done.


I am a firm believer that funerals are for the living, not the dead. I also believer that the dead are no longer present, hence the term "the dear departed".

It is important that the dear departed's memory is honoured appropriately and there is nothing wrong with expressing  our preferences before we go but I hesitate to bind my children to a wish that they cannot fulfill. With that in mind, Hubby and I have gone to the funeral parlour of our choice and made arrangements for a pretty standard cremation. I expect the service will take place at our church but when the time comes that may no longer make sense, so that detail will be left to our children. The finances are all in place and all that is still to be decided are the details of the service, including the music. I'm still thinking about those details but they should be different for each of us, reflecting our values and personalities.

There will be plenty of money left over for a big party.


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## Medusa (Jan 12, 2022)

Alligatorob said:


> Not much, my plans are simple, cremate me as cheaply as possible and do whatever you want with the ashes.  Matters little.


Works.  Short and sweet.  Easy on your peeps.


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## Medusa (Jan 12, 2022)

tortiecat said:


> Prepaid plans made years ago, costs have gone up
> over 300 % since.


That was wise.


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## Geezer Garage (Jan 12, 2022)

I'm having my hide tanned, and turned into a ladies motorcycle seat, so I can be between the two things I love the most. A little levity, in a not so humorous thread. Mike


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## Alligatorob (Jan 12, 2022)

Tom 86 said:


> I learned this years ago when my Mom went & did pre-arrangements for her funeral at the same time my Dad died. She had it all in writing & also paid for it. When she died about 10 years later the funeral director told me there is nothing to pay as she has done that years ago.


Good that you were dealing with an ethical funeral director.  When my father-in-law died he also had a prepaid plan.  However the funeral home put a real hard sell on my wife and her sister to upgrade everything, at significant cost.  If I had not been there I think they would have done it, preying on venerable people is what a lot of funeral homes do.


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## dseag2 (Jan 12, 2022)

MissMac said:


> I love this thread.  I am donating my body to medical science.  I have a contract with an organization called Science Care.  They will retrieve my body and forward it to a facility doing teaching or research. There will be no funeral expenses for my family to bear.  No funeral director will get any part of my kids' inheritance. When my body is done providing all the benefit it can, it will be cremated and returned to my family if they want it.  They accept bodies in any condition, no matter how hollowed out you are.


Same here.  My mother donated her body to science.  When she passed away, UT Southwestern picked up her body and advised me it had been transferred to their facility.  I will be doing the same.  My mother had many medical conditions, even in her 50s, so my hope is that they will learn something valuable that can contribute to the health of future generations.  I currently have few health issues, but I hope that I will be equally valuable in contributing to medical research.

We had a funeral for my father, and my mother was agoraphobic at the time so I had to handle all the arrangements, fly his body to his home state and deliver the eulogy.  (I am an only child.)  I was happy to do it, but this type of arrangement puts a lot of stress on the survivors.  I don't want my partner to have to go through that if I go first.


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## OneEyedDiva (Jan 12, 2022)

GOOD for you! My mother pre-planned and pre-paid for her funeral (except for the outfit) and it made things so much easier for me. We went together and picked out the casket. We didn't like the funeral dresses they had there so that was not an option. My mother had lots of nice dresses and suits but ultimately I chose her purple dress. Went crazy, though trying to find just the right scarf to match. Finally found it at Burlington. She looked so beautiful lying there. If one didn't know, you'd never believe she was 97 years old.

She and my father had purchased a double grave and he predeceased her. It had a vault, so I didn't have to pay extra for that. I just had to pay for the little funeral cards, thank you notes and limo. I have since purchased my grave and paid the opening and closing fees. I'll be in a section that does not require a vault. As a Muslim, we keep it simple...no fancy coffin, probably just a pine box. There's usually no viewing at Muslim Janazah's (funerals) so it's customary to wrap the body in a white sheet. But if possible, I'd like to be buried in a two piece dress with head wrap that my husband had bought me. It's a beautiful mint colored, subtle brocade type pattern with bronze glittery design around the bodice.

Happy planning Medusa.


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## RobinWren (Feb 6, 2022)

It is very reassuring to find that there are plenty of people like myself who want no fuss. When planning for my husband I was in a daze. Although we had both discussed it we had never got around to making arrangements, consequently I arranged a viewing which he did not want and even now makes me feel guilty for going against his wishes. Two of our children and members of his family did not get here in time and they wanted to say goodbye, but that was not my husband lying there. I planned mine a couple of years ago, inexpensive, no service, no viewing,  cremation making it much easier for the one child who does live here and with covid rules changing it makes sense to have this in place.
Thank you for starting this thread.


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## bowmore (Feb 7, 2022)

My late wife's family had a plot back in Pittsburgh. We are on the West Coast. After she was cremated, I called the cemetery back there to ask if I could have her ashes interred with her family. They gave me a song and dance about needing a vaolt and an urn ,plus digginging the hole and covering it. The bottom line was about $1000. That did not include my airfare, hotel, etc.


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## timoc (Feb 7, 2022)

Fun With Funeral Planning​
*Cremation*.....that means they set fire to me.....bugger that....I've left instructions that because of my claustraphobia, I want a gigantic coffin with large windows in it and a TV with a 60" screen. 
​


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## C50 (Feb 7, 2022)

My family still owns the property I grew up on,  as a kid I spent a LOT of my time back in the woods.  There's a natural spring back there and when I die I told my kids to cremate me and dump my ashes into that spring.  That way the water will carry my ashes thru the woods and creeks and ponds where I spent my childhood.


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## Medusa (Feb 7, 2022)

RobinWren said:


> It is very reassuring to find that there are plenty of people like myself who want no fuss. When planning for my husband I was in a daze. Although we had both discussed it we had never got around to making arrangements, consequently I arranged a viewing which he did not want and even now makes me feel guilty for going against his wishes. Two of our children and members of his family did not get here in time and they wanted to say goodbye, but that was not my husband lying there. I planned mine a couple of years ago, inexpensive, no service, no viewing,  cremation making it much easier for the one child who does live here and with covid rules changing it makes sense to have this in place.
> Thank you for starting this thread.


I'm sorry for your struggles with your husband's funeral, but also impressed you've used the experience to prevent the same happening to your child.  ❤


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## Marie5656 (Feb 7, 2022)

*An interesting story from when my dad died in Sept of 1991.  His name was Fred, but most people called him Freddy.  Anyway, small town Batavia. Movie theater on Main Street, with one of those older V shaped marquies.  So, the week he died, we had the wake and all. And what movie is playing, you ask?  The latest (at the time) Nightmare on Elm Street Movie :Freddy's Dead.  So, in big letters on the marque;;;;FREDDY'S DEAD.   That was the talk of the week...and lightened the mood, as my dad would have just loved that the theater was announcing he died.*


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## Knight (Feb 7, 2022)

timoc said:


> Fun With Funeral Planning​
> *Cremation*.....that means they set fire to me.....bugger that....I've left instructions that because of my claustraphobia, I want a gigantic coffin with large windows in it and a TV with a 60" screen.
> ​


Since you will have an eternity to watch TV  & time means nothing, programming with commercials to see how products change during the centuries ahead should interest you. Might want to rethink that widow.  6ft. down means dirt wall with no view.


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## timoc (Feb 7, 2022)

Knight said:


> Since you will have an eternity to watch TV  & time means nothing, programming with commercials to see how products change during the centuries ahead should interest you. Might want to rethink that widow.  6ft. down means dirt wall with no view.


Who said anything about 6ft under, I want to be planted in a tree house.


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## Knight (Feb 7, 2022)

timoc said:


> Who said anything about 6ft under, I want to be planted in a tree house.





timoc said:


> Who said anything about 6ft under, I want to be planted in a tree house.


Hope no one needs fire wood or the tree doesn't fall over due to age. Worse yet would be squatters looking to live in an abandoned house.


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## RobinWren (Feb 7, 2022)

timoc said:


> Fun With Funeral Planning​
> *Cremation*.....that means they set fire to me.....bugger that....I've left instructions that because of my claustraphobia, I want a gigantic coffin with large windows in it and a TV with a 60" screen.
> ​


are you honestly this funny in real life? You make me smile.


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## timoc (Feb 8, 2022)

RobinWren said:


> are you honestly this funny in real life? You make me smile.


*Come up* to my tree-house, and I'll tell you.


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## Lizzie00 (Feb 8, 2022)

Marie5656 said:


> *An interesting story from when my dad died in Sept of 1991.  His name was Fred, but most people called him Freddy.  Anyway, small town Batavia. Movie theater on Main Street, with one of those older V shaped marquies.  So, the week he died, we had the wake and all. And what movie is playing, you ask?  The latest (at the time) Nightmare on Elm Street Movie :Freddy's Dead.  So, in big letters on the marque;;;;FREDDY'S DEAD.   That was the talk of the week...and lightened the mood, as my dad would have just loved that the theater was announcing he died.*


What a great story…RIP, Freddy!


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## Mizmo (Feb 8, 2022)

Cremation for me. No service, no fuss ,no muss, no worries to family..
Then on to my next life.
..... woohoo !!


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## Tom 86 (Feb 8, 2022)

jerry old said:


> Why do you want to kill your dog, does your dog get a vote?


She is getting old will be 11 this March.  NO one can take care of her as I have.  She does have medication she takes twice a day.  So this way she will be with me.  I might outlive her now.


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## Meanderer (Feb 9, 2022)

"We put the FUN in FUNERAL......."


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## charry (Feb 9, 2022)

I dread funerals ……anyones , or just seeing the hearses…….
it upsets me tremendously ………
nothing Fun ,  in them……..


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## OneEyedDiva (Feb 9, 2022)

My sons always told me "just bury me in the backyard Ma".  I told him "I don't think they'll allow it, Son" (co-op association).  Truth be told, I *pray* I'll go first.


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## Teacher Terry (May 29, 2022)

_I have bought a cremation plot and all my dogs ashes will be with me. I have in writing where my living dogs are going and all written instructions, passwords, etc in my death packet. I made everything easy for my kids like my parents did for us. _


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