# It Takes Effort To Be Social Living Alone



## katlupe (Mar 24, 2021)

Living by yourself can cause some people, especially in the past year during quarantine, become set against trying new things or interacting with new people. I tend to do that myself. Not that I am set against meeting people but I will choose eating at my computer over a group activity. When I first moved here 3 years ago, I hadn't left my house in 5 months. Not even to go shopping. So at first, it was intimidating. I had to force myself to go to their first potluck dinner. After that I forced myself to go to their Bingo games (I absolutely hate games unless I was playing games with my son when he was a child). I found myself really looking forward to these social times with my neighbors. It is beyond saying hi or making small talk in the hall or by the mailboxes. 

One man who has been here since last summer never spoke to anyone. Others would mention it to me that he won't even say hi. I would run into him in the laundry room and he didn't speak even though he looked up from his book. Well, to me he was a challenge. I spoke to him every chance I got. Even in the laundry room. I'd just ramble on about something or other. About a month ago he was in the laundry room folding his clothes and I came in and he started talking away to me! I could barely get away from him! Now to be honest, there could be some other reason. Like his hearing or medications. I don't know. But when we start having dinners again, I will be sure to invite him.

I have become close friends to a woman who lives on another floor. She has no family except for cousins. But she goes out and does all kinds of things. She is disabled and it does not hold her back. Same with the lady across the hall who is on the go all the time, at 95 years old. They are my inspirations, as was my father at 94. So I am working on being more social and getting out and doing stuff (and not always alone either).


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## Rosemarie (Mar 24, 2021)

This was the reason why I moved out of the complex I used to live in. It was all too communal and you were expected to join in with everything. I actually took to creeping out the back entrance, so that I didn't have to face the questions as to where I was going.
Now I'm in a much smaller unit and we all keep to ourselves.


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## officerripley (Mar 24, 2021)

Wow, is my hat off to you, @katlupe; this is so cool that you do this! People like you are both wonderful and rare. I subscribe to a lot of friendship blogs, I've read a *ton* of books about friendships/relationships/social connections, etc. and it seems like it's been about 10-12 years ago that I started seeing a lot, and more and more all the time, of people complaining about the fact that so many acquaintances are becoming "needy" and "pushy" by wanting to be friends. Now some of those people are "brag-complaining" (or whatever you call that phony, listen to my high-class "problems" thing) no doubt, but some do mention how they feel bad that they're having to let people down by rejecting that possible friendship since they don't have time for the people that are already their friends. I keep seeing more and more of it; in fact, another site I'm on had this very subject last week.

So I think it's cool that you take the time to do what you do; seems like more and more that most people are unable or unwilling to do the same. Hugs!


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## katlupe (Mar 24, 2021)

I didn't mean to sound like anyone was expected to join in. Our dinners and Bingo games usually have about 10 or less people. But there are some people who stay alone when they move in because they are afraid of making an effort to meet others. Living in a building like this, there are times when we need to know our neighbors. When we need some kind of help and feel comfortable asking.

One lady who is 96 lives on the top floor and she has been very depressed through out the quarantine due to nothing social going on. She usually bakes desserts and she is very loving to us all. Luckily, her daughter and her husband live here too. Some people need it.

I am an introvert and would not do anything with others if I didn't force myself. Afterwards I realize I had a good time, but was glad when it was time to go home.


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## Ruthanne (Mar 24, 2021)

I live in a large apt. complex and I like being to myself for the most part.  I don't like to get involved in any of the gossip about the neighbors and that is just what one man always wants to do with me.  I try to keep a distance from him.  I do talk to some by saying hi or hello or how are you when I see them.  I am not much of a group person any more, never really was.  I just like taking my walks with doggie.  

In the Summer here we had gatherings I would go to for an hour or so.  No one hardly spoke to me.  I'm not going to bother with them this year.  Just going to walk doggie.  I think it would be nice if I had someone, male or female, to visit with on occasion.  It would be nice to have lunch or dinner once in awhile.


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## katlupe (Mar 24, 2021)

officerripley said:


> Wow, is my hat off to you, @katlupe; this is so cool that you do this! People like you are both wonderful and rare. I subscribe to a lot of friendship blogs, I've read a *ton* of books about friendships/relationships/social connections, etc. and it seems like it's been about 10-12 years ago that I started seeing a lot, and more and more all the time, of people complaining about the fact that so many acquaintances are becoming "needy" and "pushy" by wanting to be friends. Now some of those people are "brag-complaining" (or whatever you call that phony, listen to my high-class "problems" thing) no doubt, but some do mention how they feel bad that they're having to let people down by rejecting that possible friendship since they don't have time for the people that are already their friends. I keep seeing more and more of it; in fact, another site I'm on had this very subject last week.
> 
> So I think it's cool that you take the time to do what you do; seems like more and more that most people are unable or unwilling to do the same. Hugs!


Thank you, but I have to clarify that I didn't have any friends really before I moved here. Three who I didn't really see anymore due to them moving away. I have plenty of online friends but none in person. Not till I moved here. I am in a small city so there are many opportunities to go places and meet others. Plus I have a boyfriend who is very social. But I still have to push myself out there.


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## katlupe (Mar 24, 2021)

Ruthanne said:


> I live in a large apt. complex and I like being to myself for the most part.  I don't like to get involved in any of the gossip about the neighbors and that is just what one man always wants to do with me.  I try to keep a distance from him.  I do talk to some by saying hi or hello or how are you when I see them.  I am not much of a group person any more, never really was.  I just like taking my walks with doggie.
> 
> In the Summer here we had gatherings I would go to for an hour or so.  No one hardly spoke to me.  I'm not going to bother with them this year.  Just going to walk doggie.  I think it would be nice if I had someone, male or female, to visit with on occasion.  It would be nice to have lunch or dinner once in awhile.


I know what you mean about the gossip. I make a point of not repeating anything someone tells me. My building is a small complex I guess, just 32 apartments on 3 floors. I think my point in this post is to point out that if you are lonely or anything like that, you can make friends by putting forth an effort. Sometimes you just want one friend, or none, if you so choose.


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## Ruthanne (Mar 24, 2021)

katlupe said:


> I know what you mean about the gossip. I make a point of not repeating anything someone tells me. My building is a small complex I guess, just 32 apartments on 3 floors. I think my point in this post is to point out that if you are lonely or anything like that, you can make friends by putting forth an effort. Sometimes you just want one friend, or none, if you so choose.


Yes, it takes some effort to make a friend or two.  In these covid times I'm not putting in any effort until I am vaccinated and protected from the virus.  I have tried in the past to make some new friends and it did not work out for me.  That makes it even harder to want to keep trying.


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## debodun (Mar 24, 2021)

I am so used to being by myself, I fear I am becoming a sarcastic misanthrope. It's been slightly over 1 year since I delivered meals-on-wheels. So I don't become a total recluse, I attend Bible study twice a week, if I have no schedule conflicts, and go to church once a month so I can have social contact. 

Agoraphobia runs in my father's side of the family. My father's brother NEVER went out of his apartment - had someone run his errands. I also have a cousin on that side (not that uncle's daughter), who also does not go out. My father wasn't too bad in that respect - he _could_ be in social situations, but if truth be told, he probably preferred to stay at home.


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## katlupe (Mar 24, 2021)

Ruthanne said:


> Yes, it takes some effort to make a friend or two.  In these covid times I'm not putting in any effort until I am vaccinated and protected from the virus.  I have tried in the past to make some new friends and it did not work out for me.  That makes it even harder to want to keep trying.


Sometimes it happens when you don't expect it. Some days, I can do laundry, get mail and go to the dumpster and not see one person in my building. And I am one of those people who absolutely must be home before dark. I don't have a car so on my home from somewhere, usually with my boyfriend, I am holding my keys........miles from home! Just like my grandma did.


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## katlupe (Mar 24, 2021)

One of the things I am reminded of is how when people are snowed in (or quarantined) they are so bored. That is not me. I can be locked in here with no power and I would still be busy. I will say though that I understand how the social people feel because my bf is very much that way.


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## Ruthanne (Mar 24, 2021)

katlupe said:


> Sometimes it happens when you don't expect it. Some days, I can do laundry, get mail and go to the dumpster and not see one person in my building. And I am one of those people who absolutely must be home before dark. I don't have a car so on my home from somewhere, usually with my boyfriend, I am holding my keys........miles from home! Just like my grandma did.


That's great you have a boyfriend!   Maybe one of these years I'll get one, too.  I haven't totally given up on that or making friends--it's just hard now.  Yes, we need to keep those keys handy!


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## Lewkat (Mar 24, 2021)

I live in a Senior Living Facility which is more or less also assisted living.  Due to health issues, my family thought this was the best solution for me since I cannot live with my son.  He can live with me, but no way can I live with him.  I love him dearly, but he's an adult and does things his way which often annoy me.  Well, when I first moved here 13 years ago, it was very active with a lot of social folks.  This suited me fine as I am a people person to an extent.  As time has passed, so have most of those people I first met and here I am now with a new group moving it who are well into dementia, but not quite ready for the Alzheimer's unit.  So, I, the dog, and my computer with my forums, etc. have become the best of friends.  No activities to speak of, but COVID has scotched that anyhow.  Good thing I am comfortable in my own skin and I go visit my son for a couple of weeks every other month.  Works out OK.


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## Rosemarie (Mar 25, 2021)

katlupe said:


> I didn't mean to sound like anyone was expected to join in. Our dinners and Bingo games usually have about 10 or less people. But there are some people who stay alone when they move in because they are afraid of making an effort to meet others. Living in a building like this, there are times when we need to know our neighbors. When we need some kind of help and feel comfortable asking.
> 
> One lady who is 96 lives on the top floor and she has been very depressed through out the quarantine due to nothing social going on. She usually bakes desserts and she is very loving to us all. Luckily, her daughter and her husband live here too. Some people need it.
> 
> I am an introvert and would not do anything with others if I didn't force myself. Afterwards I realize I had a good time, but was glad when it was time to go home.


Do you find that some of the older people are perhaps getting dependant on you? This was another reason why I left. I'm in good health, but not everyone else was and I found myself being asked to do things for those less able.
I know that sounds mean, but there was a warden on the complex who was paid to help people, so I don't know why they asked me. She was rather neglectful of her duties actually and , one lady who really needed assistance, didn't get it until someone reported her.


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## katlupe (Mar 25, 2021)

Rosemarie said:


> Do you find that some of the older people are perhaps getting dependant on you? This was another reason why I left. I'm in good health, but not everyone else was and I found myself being asked to do things for those less able.
> I know that sounds mean, but there was a warden on the complex who was paid to help people, so I don't know why they asked me. She was rather neglectful of her duties actually and , one lady who really needed assistance, didn't get it until someone reported her.


Oh no, I stay to myself most of the time. I cannot walk very well and there are some days when I don't even take my garbage out. I think most of the people here with health issues have their own aides who come several times a week. Some people get meals on wheels.

This is basically an apartment building for seniors and disabled tenants and we are on our own. Nobody is employed by the owners to do anything for us. In fact, someone asked the maintenance man for help trying to get in the door and he said it was not part of his job to help anyone.


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## katlupe (Mar 25, 2021)

Lewkat said:


> I live in a Senior Living Facility which is more or less also assisted living.  Due to health issues, my family thought this was the best solution for me since I cannot live with my son.  He can live with me, but no way can I live with him.  I love him dearly, but he's an adult and does things his way which often annoy me.  Well, when I first moved here 13 years ago, it was very active with a lot of social folks.  This suited me fine as I am a people person to an extent.  As time has passed, so have most of those people I first met and here I am now with a new group moving it who are well into dementia, but not quite ready for the Alzheimer's unit.  So, I, the dog, and my computer with my forums, etc. have become the best of friends.  No activities to speak of, but COVID has scotched that anyhow.  Good thing I am comfortable in my own skin and I go visit my son for a couple of weeks every other month.  Works out OK.


Sounds like my relationship with my son! He lives down the block and I see him almost daily. But I would never be able to live with him. I have, but it wasn't a good thing for either of us.


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## Lewkat (Mar 25, 2021)

katlupe said:


> Sounds like my relationship with my son! He lives down the block and I see him almost daily. But I would never be able to live with him. I have, but it wasn't a good thing for either of us.


Yes, something about them when they grow up.  Suddenly, they are father and I already had that, thank you.


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## Gaer (Mar 25, 2021)

As I live in my own private "little diggins", my own home,and never see neighbors or ANYONE, it's complete alone time, all the time.
If I go to the grocery, I'll say hello to the cashier, and that's IT!
Men say hello at the Post office and I say hello back.  I don't have friends or relatives closer than 2000 miles away.
It's all right though. I'm pretty self-sufficient.  It's kind of a strange feeling though!


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## CindyLouWho (Mar 25, 2021)

Gaer said:


> As I live in my own private "little diggins", my own home,and never see neighbors or ANYONE, it's complete alone time, all the time.
> If I go to the grocery, I'll say hello to the cashier, and that's IT!
> Men say hello at the Post office and I say hello back.  I don't have friends or relatives closer than 2000 miles away.
> It's all right though. I'm pretty self-sufficient.  It's kind of a strange feeling though!


Gaer, 
What is your secret to not letting the complete alone time bother you or let it get in your head?


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## Rosemarie (Mar 26, 2021)

Gaer said:


> As I live in my own private "little diggins", my own home,and never see neighbors or ANYONE, it's complete alone time, all the time.
> If I go to the grocery, I'll say hello to the cashier, and that's IT!
> Men say hello at the Post office and I say hello back.  I don't have friends or relatives closer than 2000 miles away.
> It's all right though. I'm pretty self-sufficient.  It's kind of a strange feeling though!


This is exactly how I am....and I'm perfectly content in my own little world.


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## Gaer (Mar 30, 2021)

CindyLouWho said:


> Gaer,
> What is your secret to not letting the complete alone time bother you or let it get in your head?


hahaha!  Secret?  This is something I'm supposed to be going through.  There are a lot of serious things going on in this world.  I remind myself to lighten up from my seriousness.  I try to make my life as wonderful and joyous as possible.  Play music, sculpt for bronze, paint, sing, dance, read, study, meditate, write poetry, write articles,  i'm deep into philosophy, angelic communication, metaphysics, literature, design; many interests. I'm free, healthy, alive and always working toward making myself better and developing spirituality. expanding my consciousness.
It would be wonderful if there were a man to share these things with and keep me grounded  but, I don't see that as a possibility.
haha!  he would have to be pretty extraordinary!  
So,I try to  stay cheerful, thankful and hopeful.  
Just keep in mind, "Any wonderful thing can happen at any moment."


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## JustBonee (Mar 30, 2021)

Gaer said:


> hahaha!  Secret?  This is something I'm supposed to be going through.  There are a lot of serious things going on in this world.  I remind myself to lighten up from my seriousness.  I try to make my life as wonderful and joyous as possible.  Play music, sculpt for bronze, paint, sing, dance, read, study, meditate, write poetry, write articles,  i'm deep into philosophy, angelic communication, metaphysics, literature, design; many interests. I'm free, healthy, alive and always working toward making myself better and developing spirituality. expanding my consciousness.
> It would be wonderful if there were a man to share these things with and keep me grounded  but, I don't see that as a possibility.
> haha!  he would have to be pretty extraordinary!
> So,I try to  stay cheerful, thankful and hopeful.
> Just keep in mind, "Any wonderful thing can happen at any moment."




You are such an upbeat person Gaer!   I'm with you on that. 

Your head is in the right place at all times,   and that makes for a wonderful existence.


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## Aneeda72 (Mar 30, 2021)

Ruthanne said:


> I live in a large apt. complex and I like being to myself for the most part.  I don't like to get involved in any of the gossip about the neighbors and that is just what one man always wants to do with me.  I try to keep a distance from him.  I do talk to some by saying hi or hello or how are you when I see them.  I am not much of a group person any more, never really was.  I just like taking my walks with doggie.
> 
> In the Summer here we had gatherings I would go to for an hour or so.  No one hardly spoke to me.  I'm not going to bother with them this year.  Just going to walk doggie.  I think it would be nice if I had someone, male or female, to visit with on occasion.  It would be nice to have lunch or dinner once in awhile.


That’s me as well @Ruthanne I’d like to go out every now and then with a friend to visit at lunch, but then be done for a week.  I am not a crowd person at all, access to a bathroom is important to me and the more people the longer wait.


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## SetWave (Mar 30, 2021)

I've always been a bit of a loner so I can be quite sociable with myself . . . except when the voices in my head argue; then we laugh and laugh and laugh . . .


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## RobinWren (Mar 30, 2021)

Gaer said:


> hahaha!  Secret?  This is something I'm supposed to be going through.  There are a lot of serious things going on in this world.  I remind myself to lighten up from my seriousness.  I try to make my life as wonderful and joyous as possible.  Play music, sculpt for bronze, paint, sing, dance, read, study, meditate, write poetry, write articles,  i'm deep into philosophy, angelic communication, metaphysics, literature, design; many interests. I'm free, healthy, alive and always working toward making myself better and developing spirituality. expanding my consciousness.
> It would be wonderful if there were a man to share these things with and keep me grounded  but, I don't see that as a possibility.
> haha!  he would have to be pretty extraordinary!
> So,I try to  stay cheerful, thankful and hopeful.
> Just keep in mind, "Any wonderful thing can happen at any moment."


Wonderful things happen every day. Watching an eagle flying in the sky, listening to the water ebb and flow on the beach, getting licks from my dog.


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## Ruth n Jersey (Mar 30, 2021)

I am a loner. I like being by myself and the hubby is the same way. He does his thing and I do mine. I think if you feel that you have to get out and join groups or whatever then it will never be fun because you are forcing yourself do something that isn't you. 
I've never been bored and the days aren't long enough for me.  The virus has not made me feel isolated at all. Long winter days are right up my alley. 
When we had friends or company over it  rarely was more than 2 couples at a time. More than that and I get a headache.  
I've had long conversations about this with my kids. I told them if the time comes and I am living by myself I don't want to hear one word about joining anything.
Let me alone in my rocker with my memories, old photos and whatever else strikes my fancy.
I have vivid memories from years ago while working in a nursing home. We had a very sociable supervisor, she was a wonderful, caring person but she had a habit of dragging these poor old souls down the hall for bingo, music, crafts or any activity. 
So many pleaded to just let them be. I felt for them then and my feelings haven't changed. Let me be.


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## Aneeda72 (Mar 31, 2021)

RobinWren said:


> Wonderful things happen every day. Watching an eagle flying in the sky, listening to the water ebb and flow on the beach, getting licks from my dog.


As long as they are licks and not bites, BAD Bella BAD


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## Keesha (Mar 31, 2021)

Ruth n Jersey said:


> I am a loner. I like being by myself and the hubby is the same way. He does his thing and I do mine. I think if you feel that you have to get out and join groups or whatever then it will never be fun because you are forcing yourself do something that isn't you.
> I've never been bored and the days aren't long enough for me.  The virus has not made me feel isolated at all. Long winter days are right up my alley.


I’m definitely a loner and being a loner is different than being a social person but my nurse practitioner recently told me that there’s nothing wrong with being an introvert and that there are lots of us around.

The virus hasn’t really changed my life either except that I wear a mask to go shopping.
My husband and I spend most of our time together but then are as happy doing our own separate things alone. It’s not the same as being single but I’m just offering support to all the loners out there. We might be alone physically but we are never alone spiritually.


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## katlupe (Mar 31, 2021)

After my mother died in 2002, my father's doctor recommended to him going to the senior center dinner to do things with others. He was 83 at that time. So he went to it and then calls me and tells me it was a bunch of old people in way worst shape than he was in. Even though his doctor thought it was good for him, what she didn't know was that he knew a lot of people in the area. Just didn't do things together. And he was an active senior, right up to the day he died.


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## Keesha (Mar 31, 2021)

katlupe said:


> After my mother died in 2002, my father's doctor recommended to him going to the senior center dinner to do things with others. He was 83 at that time. So he went to it and then calls me and tells me it was a bunch of old people in way worst shape than he was in. Even though his doctor thought it was good for him, what she didn't know was that he knew a lot of people in the area. Just didn't do things together. And he was an active senior, right up to the day he died.


Sorry for your loss. Your father sounds like  a well adjusted man who preferred his sense of privacy and freedom. Sometimes going to a senior home to meet others isn’t always a good idea. May sound good on paper but in reality , not so much. It can scare people especially if they are not ready for it.


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## JonDouglas (Mar 31, 2021)

I have noticed people around me who become less social as they age, whether they are alone or not.  It happened to my grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles, neighbors, friends and other relatives.  Perhaps this latest virus brouhaha has accelerated that tendency for some/many, I don't know.  Regardless, just as you may need to force yourself to exercise, the same can be said to socialize.


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## Aneeda72 (Mar 31, 2021)

JonDouglas said:


> I have noticed people around me who become less social as they age, whether they are alone or not.  It happened to my grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles, neighbors, friends and other relatives.  Perhaps this latest virus brouhaha has accelerated that tendency for some/many, I don't know.  Regardless, just as you may need to force yourself to exercise, the same can be said to socialize.


I walk around the block, around and around and around, to get my steps in and I chat with the dogs that bark at me and now the owners come out and say hi or wave at me, and now some of the people who live in the neighborhood, driving by in their cars, wave at me and I wave back.  Sometimes the people in the cars pull over and talk a little.

You have to be social to socialize .  And this little bit of socialization along with store clerk socialization is just enough for me.  A good friend to hang with is nice, but I just am not that interested any more.


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## JonDouglas (Mar 31, 2021)

Aneeda72 said:


> I walk around the block, around and around and around, to get my steps in and I chat with the dogs that bark at me and now the owners come out and say hi or wave at me, and now some of the people who live in the neighborhood, driving by in their cars, wave at me and I wave back.  Sometimes the people in the cars pull over and talk a little.
> 
> You have to be social to socialize .  And this little bit of socialization along with store clerk socialization is just enough for me.  A good friend to hang with is nice, but I just am not that interested any more.


I think you have to be social to "like" to socialize.  I also think, for right or for wrong, that socializing is another bit of sensory input that aids your (use it or lose it) brain function.


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## Ruth n Jersey (Mar 31, 2021)

@Aneeda72 I feel exactly the way you do. I'm a great, "hello, how are you?" over the fence kind of person but I prefer not finding that person on my back porch for a long afternoon chat. 
My sister in law has MS. It is in remission and she can still get around yet her doctor recommended that she join an MS support group.  The meeting she attended was held at a local pool. When she walked in she saw people being lowered into the pool from stretchers and wheel chairs. 
It left a terrible impression on her wondering if this is going to happen to her. She talks about it to this day.
I guess some people get a lot of support going to these groups but she and I certainly would not be among them.


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## RobinWren (Mar 31, 2021)

I am still learning this business of living alone. Looking back over my life, after leaving home I travelled for a bit but then had roommates so I have lived with someone for 45 years. When DH died I was finally on my own. Someone else wrote on this thread that they go out and talk to the dog walkers, that's me and for the most part that's enough. I am not totally alone, I have our dog.


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## Carolina (Apr 5, 2021)

Gaer said:


> As I live in my own private "little diggins", my own home,and never see neighbors or ANYONE, it's complete alone time, all the time.
> If I go to the grocery, I'll say hello to the cashier, and that's IT!
> Men say hello at the Post office and I say hello back.  I don't have friends or relatives closer than 2000 miles away.
> It's all right though. I'm pretty self-sufficient.  It's kind of a strange feeling though!


I admire your independence, I don't think I could ever get used to being completely alone although I am most of the time and feel lost.


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## officerripley (Apr 5, 2021)

Carolina said:


> I admire your independence, I don't think I could ever get used to being completely alone although I am most of the time and feel lost.


Same here.


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## Serenity4321 (Apr 11, 2021)

Gaer said:


> hahaha!  Secret?  This is something I'm supposed to be going through.  There are a lot of serious things going on in this world.  I remind myself to lighten up from my seriousness.  I try to make my life as wonderful and joyous as possible.  Play music, sculpt for bronze, paint, sing, dance, read, study, meditate, write poetry, write articles,  i'm deep into philosophy, angelic communication, metaphysics, literature, design; many interests. I'm free, healthy, alive and always working toward making myself better and developing spirituality. expanding my consciousness.
> It would be wonderful if there were a man to share these things with and keep me grounded  but, I don't see that as a possibility.
> haha!  he would have to be pretty extraordinary!
> So,I try to  stay cheerful, thankful and hopeful.
> Just keep in mind, "Any wonderful thing can happen at any moment."


wow sounds a little like how I try to live. I have discovered so many benefits of using u-tube that I hardly have time to be bored or worrying about what to do next.
 I have found so many of the 'sayings' to be  true..like
_ we are about as happy as we make up our minds to be_ or 
_there is nothing good or bad but  thinking makes it so_
 I am sure you are familiar with both and more...


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## TabbyAnn (Apr 21, 2021)

So many of you seem to have things in common and wish for a casual friend to share them with, but so many don't have their locations on their avatar and might be next door to each other. I notice I don't have it on mine either and will try to see how you post it !!!


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## katlupe (Apr 23, 2021)

Reading this thread makes it clear that we are all unique in our own way. I had been looking forward to our activities in our community room to open up and went to one coffee hour but when the next one came up, I didn't even go. I think I got out of the groove. I have been seeing more people out and about now. I go and do things with my bf but other than that I do things alone and I don't mind in the least.


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## officerripley (Apr 23, 2021)

katlupe said:


> Reading this thread makes it clear that we are all unique in our own way. I had been looking forward to our activities in our community room to open up and went to one coffee hour but when the next one came up, I didn't even go. I think I got out of the groove. I have been seeing more people out and about now. I go and do things with my bf but other than that I do things alone and I don't mind in the least.


About activities in community rooms: I know a gal who lives in a mobile home park here and up until the Covid lockdown, the owner of the park would host a get-together one Monday morning a month; the owner would supply donuts & all residents were invited & brought a mug of whatever they wanted to drink. She said it was really nice: there were some residents who never attended, some who only attended once, some who only attended once in a while, and enough like my friend who always attended so there'd always be someone to chat with.

So a few months back, I was telling another friend's neighbor about it and she was stunned. She said that her mother had been living in another nice large mobile home park with a nice clubhouse in this town, and part of the reason the mother had chosen that park was because of its nice community room, thought that meant there'd be park-wide get-togethers maybe once in a while but nope; the commun. rm. sits there empty and unused all the time, even before Covid.

And I got to thinking about it: since the mid-1960s, I've lived in a lot of large apartment complexes, mobile home parks, and one condominium complex over the years, in 2 different states altogether, almost all of which had nice, large community rooms and there was never one, single solitary time that whoever owned the place hosted a get-together like that. Once in a while, an individual tenant would reserve the room and use it for their own private get-together, but never a complex-wide or park-wide get-together, not even at any holiday. I wonder why?


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## Aunt Bea (Apr 23, 2021)

officerripley said:


> About activities in community rooms: I know a gal who lives in a mobile home park here and up until the Covid lockdown, the owner of the park would host a get-together one Monday morning a month; the owner would supply donuts & all residents were invited & brought a mug of whatever they wanted to drink. She said it was really nice: there were some residents who never attended, some who only attended once, some who only attended once in a while, and enough like my friend who always attended so there'd always be someone to chat with.
> 
> So a few months back, I was telling another friend's neighbor about it and she was stunned. She said that her mother had been living in another nice large mobile home park with a nice clubhouse in this town, and part of the reason the mother had chosen that park was because of its nice community room, thought that meant there'd be park-wide get-togethers maybe once in a while but nope; the commun. rm. sits there empty and unused all the time, even before Covid.
> 
> And I got to thinking about it: since the mid-1960s, I've lived in a lot of large apartment complexes, mobile home parks, and one condominium complex over the years, in 2 different states altogether, almost all of which had nice, large community rooms and there was never one, single solitary time that whoever owned the place hosted a get-together like that. Once in a while, an individual tenant would reserve the room and use it for their own private get-together, but never a complex-wide or park-wide get-together, not even at any holiday.* I wonder why?*


IMO it depends to a large extent on whether you rent or own the property where you live.

I've lived in two different apartment complexes including my current one where the management used to coordinate and bear the major costs of Christmas parties and summer cookout/pool parties.

Both places stopped them and other than the obvious cost of the events my theory is that when tenants get together they begin discussing things that they have in common starting with how cheap the refreshments are compared to the rent, how much rent each tenant pays, building maintenance, quality of life issues, etc... and it creates problems for the management for months following the event. 

Where I live now they have even removed the park benches in the courtyards to discourage people from getting together.


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## officerripley (Apr 23, 2021)

Aunt Bea said:


> IMO it depends to a large extent on whether you rent or own the property where you live.
> 
> I've lived in two different apartment complexes including my current one where the management used to coordinate and bear the major costs of Christmas parties and summer cookout/pool parties.
> 
> ...


I bet your theory is right.


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## katlupe (Apr 24, 2021)

The community room here is for our use but our activities are not hosted by the management in any way. A handful of the tenants used to have a once a month meeting where each of us donated $2. for our fund that was used for a flower or fruit basket if someone was in the hospital or a funeral of a family member. We would make our plan for the month of our activities which included Bingo, Movie Night and a potluck supper. Then our old manager would print one out for each apartment and someone would put them on each door. It would also include birthdays for that month. The new manager said no, they will not do that for us. Too much work or too expensive to print it out. Don't know. Our old manager also held a meeting every so often for everyone in the building to voice their complaints and sometimes she would bring doughnuts and coffee or pizza. 

Since the quarantine we could not do any of this. Now we have had two coffee hours. But our activities were by no means full of people. Only about 10 or 12 people at the most, if that many. My boyfriend came to the potluck suppers because he was invited and they all like him. One other lady's boyfriend came too but since then, he has moved in with her.

It was always run by tenants and the management has no part in it. I see on their website their other apartment complexes offer much more than this one but most are much larger and have families and younger tenants. We are disabled and/or seniors only. If we had any concerns then one of us would go talk to the manager about it and would try to get it resolved.


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## cdestroyer (Apr 24, 2021)

I met a woman in a chat room years ago. We had some good conversations and I thought we had a good report with each other. I offered to move to be with her and she accepted. I was in portland oregon,she was in jacksonville fl. She had been using her computer to chat with many others and did not give that up after I moved in. Three years and poof. She never became more involved with me and it was over. To bad. It was my last chance. Now I am alone back where I was born, in montana.


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## Jules (Apr 24, 2021)

One winter we were in an RV park with a common room.  The owner provided an old TV & video player & the old exercise tapes.  It was up to the members to organize the weekly sessions.  And clean up afterward!!!

For many managers, they don’t want the job or cleanup.  If there are some social people in a building, post-Covid they could organize something.  Usually others wait for someone else to do it.


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## katlupe (Apr 30, 2021)

cdestroyer said:


> I met a woman in a chat room years ago. We had some good conversations and I thought we had a good report with each other. I offered to move to be with her and she accepted. I was in portland oregon,she was in jacksonville fl. She had been using her computer to chat with many others and did not give that up after I moved in. Three years and poof. She never became more involved with me and it was over. To bad. It was my last chance. Now I am alone back where I was born, in montana.


It sounds like she wanted to have online relationships only. Some people enjoy that more. I think it is more exciting not knowing the person offline. My bf and I connected on fakebook and it was exciting to me, but now after 3 years, we talk on the phone for hours and see each other a few times during the week. It is not like what we were saying online to each other but it is a good relationship and we are happy. 

I figure if you want to meet someone special you will, but it is never your last chance. Sometimes it when you least expect it.


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## katlupe (Apr 30, 2021)

Jules said:


> One winter we were in an RV park with a common room.  The owner provided an old TV & video player & the old exercise tapes.  It was up to the members to organize the weekly sessions.  And clean up afterward!!!
> 
> For many managers, they don’t want the job or cleanup.  If there are some social people in a building, post-Covid they could organize something.  Usually others wait for someone else to do it.


Yes, that is how it was here. Our tenant meetings were always about organizing our activities. The same people did the set up and clean up every time. But they wanted to do it. If you asked to help they would say no thanks and for you to sit down. It could be because I was not as mobile as they are. Our room was kept very clean all the time. Now the maintenance man has to sanitize it more and he does not like any extra work.


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## hollydolly (Apr 30, 2021)

katlupe said:


> Yes, that is how it was here. Our tenant meetings were always about organizing our activities. The same people did the set up and clean up every time. But they wanted to do it. If you asked to help they would say no thanks and for you to sit down. It could be because I was not as mobile as they are. Our room was kept very clean all the time. *Now the maintenance man has to sanitize it more and he does not like any extra work.*


He'd soon want it to be sanitised if he caught covid....


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## katlupe (Apr 30, 2021)

He does want it sanitized but after that for no one to use it. He comes here and zooms through the cleaning and his chores super fast. In and out. Our old maintenance man was our friend and he was good but this was the only complex he worked at. I think this one has three to work at and our manager manages two. So maybe it is too much work for one person.


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## maybenot (May 4, 2021)

Before my OH died, we did everything together, there were couples that we'd catch up with at weekends but neither of us went anywhere without the other, it seemed normal to me at the time

Anyway, now I find that most of our former acquaintances have either passed too, or moved away and I've only one friend who I see once a week for a couple of drinks at the local pub, I pick her up and her  hubby comes and takes her home.
She recovering from chemo after having a mastectomy and doesn't go anywhere either

Apart from the checkout staff at the shops etc, she's the only person I speak to ...OH yes and the guy who keeps my postage stamp patch of grass tidy, he'll ring me once a month to arrange times

 I'm okay once I get to know folk, it's just finding somewhere to go alone that's difficult, I keep myself amused with online sudoku,? trivia quiz etc and I read a lot, plus do my steps but sometimes I get very bored

I'm not desperate for company all the time but now and again it would be nice to have a real chat with someone/anyone!
My cat doesn't understand me and only communicates when she wants food


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## katlupe (May 4, 2021)

I don't seek anyone out but when someone comes knocking on my door and comes in I do enjoy their company. I hardly ever go to someone's door unless for a specific reason. 

I had some very close friends in the past when I was married to my first husband and we went everywhere together. He divorced me and they stayed his friends not mine. So I learned a long time ago to not be dependent on anyone else for my happiness. And twice, I had to leave my marriages due to that reason. Happiness is important as we get older. Even if we have to push ourselves to do things alone. I find that people talk to me and I may not be friends with them, but I have interactions with others.


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## Junebug63 (May 4, 2021)

Rosemarie said:


> This was the reason why I moved out of the complex I used to live in. It was all too communal and you were expected to join in with everything. I actually took to creeping out the back entrance, so that I didn't have to face the questions as to where I was going.
> Now I'm in a much smaller unit and we all keep to ourselves.


Hi Rosemarie....do you care to chat sometime. I know exactly what it means living alone. I live in GA


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## Rosemarie (May 4, 2021)

Junebug63 said:


> Hi Rosemarie....do you care to chat sometime. I know exactly what it means living alone. I live in GA


Yes, Junebug...I'm available for chat.


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## Junebug63 (May 6, 2021)

Rosemarie said:


> Yes, Junebug...I'm available for chat.


Good morning to you Rosemarie. How's the weather like today where you live?


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## katlupe (May 6, 2021)

I think to chat you click on the person's name and it takes you to their profile where you can start a private chat with them.


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## TabbyAnn (May 29, 2021)

Since every other category of life has been commercialized or utilized by non-profits to expand their visibility, I'm surprised there are so few places dedicated to social activities for seniors. There are garden clubs, golf clubs, political clubs, tennis clubs, boating clubs, country clubs, card clubs, and so on, but nothing dedicated to social activities for older seniors.  I'm surprised there aren't nice private clubs for seniors only that have nice dinners, lectures, socials and other services for their senior members.


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## Homeschoolie (Mar 11, 2022)

Lewkat said:


> I live in a Senior Living Facility which is more or less also assisted living.  Due to health issues, my family thought this was the best solution for me since I cannot live with my son.  He can live with me, but no way can I live with him.  I love him dearly, but he's an adult and does things his way which often annoy me.  Well, when I first moved here 13 years ago, it was very active with a lot of social folks.  This suited me fine as I am a people person to an extent.  As time has passed, so have most of those people I first met and here I am now with a new group moving it who are well into dementia, but not quite ready for the Alzheimer's unit.  So, I, the dog, and my computer with my forums, etc. have become the best of friends.  No activities to speak of, but COVID has scotched that anyhow.  Good thing I am comfortable in my own skin and I go visit my son for a couple of weeks every other month.  Works out OK.


Did you ever move...seems like  awhile back you were posting about moving to another Assisted that suited you better!


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## senior chef (Mar 11, 2022)

I live alone and it's often weeks at a time that I don't say a single word to anyone. My hearing is quite bad and I can not understand anything anyone says.  Oh, yes, I'd like to be able to have a conversation , but that is impossible. 
I must use a headphone amplifier AND closed captioning when i watch TV, movies etc.


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## Gaer (Mar 11, 2022)

CindyLouWho said:


> Gaer,
> What is your secret to not letting the complete alone time bother you or let it get in your head?


This "being alone" is a growth of my soul.  I can be very social but  most of my life has been spent alone.  
I'm strange!  haha!  I spend more time in writing, creating and spiritual communication than what
is considered reality on this weird surreal Earth.  
Don't expect anyone to understand.


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## Lewkat (Mar 12, 2022)

Homeschoolie said:


> Did you ever move...seems like  awhile back you were posting about moving to another Assisted that suited you better!


No, the pandemic came along and we still aren't back to normal in NJ.  So, I carry on.


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