# As We Age, Death Gets Closer



## Mitch86 (Aug 29, 2021)

As we age death gets closer and closer.  How do we face it's certainty.  I'm 86 and realize I've outlived my dad, my grandfather and all my friends.  How should we face the inevitable?  I never thought I would get this old.


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## Murrmurr (Aug 29, 2021)

How do we prepare mentally and emotionally?

I'm *not afraid* of death. I don't think about it much, but I'm only 66; closer than I've ever been, but not as close as I will be going forward.

I'm *not worried* about who will be left behind, except for my foster nephew, formerly my foster son. He's only 3. I'm very much involved in his life, and he needs me in it. I hope I stay until he's old enough to know what death is. My wife understands that she will likely outlive me, but she'll be all set, so no worries there, either.

Everyone else - kids and grandkids - are grown or old enough that I'm *not needed*.


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## feywon (Aug 29, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> How do we prepare mentally and emotionally?
> 
> I'm *not afraid* of death. I don't think about it much, but I'm only 66; closer than I've ever been, but not as close as I will be going forward.
> 
> ...


I feel much the same and I'm 75. My grandson turns 13 in December. When he was born my son Owen, his dad, informed me "You have to live to see him graduate High School at least." I promised to do my best.

As for last sentence: Just because one is no longer *needed*, doesn't mean one isn't wanted, and won't be missed when they/we transition.


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## officerripley (Aug 29, 2021)

I applaud those who think about their death and those who'll/who'd be affected by it; wish I could get my huzz to think that way; from what I've observed, though, he's a member of a large club.


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## Murrmurr (Aug 29, 2021)

feywon said:


> As for last sentence: Just because one is *no longer needed, doesn't mean one isn't wanted, and won't be missed when they/we transition*.


That won't stop me from relaxing and "giving up the ghost", though.


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## Lara (Aug 29, 2021)




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## Don M. (Aug 29, 2021)

We, too, are getting up in years.  We are in fairly good shape, but that could change at any time.  We are concerned about not leaving a big mess for the kids when we pass.  We have done all the paperwork....trusts, wills, etc., and are starting to downsize some of our stuff.  If we live as long as our parents did, we still have a few more good years....knock wood....but we know our day is coming.  In the interim, we just try to enjoy every day, and try to plan a bit for the future.


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## SmoothSeas (Aug 29, 2021)

from the instant we inhale that first lungful of oxygen, we're on a steady march towards death  -  and that's a given.

hopefully, it will be a peaceful and pain-free transition...


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## Knight (Aug 29, 2021)

Mitch86 said:


> As we age death gets closer and closer.  How do we face it's certainty.  I'm 86 and realize I've outlived my dad, my grandfather and all my friends.  How should we face the inevitable?  I never thought I would get this old.


Deaths certainty is a fact, not knowing when or how is the gift we have. Best we can do is be happy we see our reflection in the mirror when we get up & then enjoy what we can until we can't.


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## feywon (Aug 29, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> That won't stop me from relaxing and "giving up the ghost", though.


Oh, i get that, my best friend from high school has had several strokes in recent years and now cancer. She is 2 1/2 months younger than me, has decided no surgery or chemo and has moved into a hospice care facility, because the strokes are effecting her ability to speak what she is thinking, she's decided to let go. I told her i understand completely, i've had that talk with my kids about when to let me go.  But it stills hurts i won't get to see her in person again and i will miss her. 

Learned a long time ago that life is full such ambivalence, full of bittersweet moments of varying emotions at the same time.


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## Tom 86 (Aug 29, 2021)

I'm with  Murrmurr.  I'm 86 & I give thanks every morning to God for another day.  I lost my wife 6+ years ago to cancer.  G.K's are all grown.  It's just me & my little dog Rosie here now.  We are trying to see who will outlive the other as she is 10+ years old.  Beagle Terrier mix. 
When the good Lord calls me I'll be ready.


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## Lara (Aug 29, 2021)

My mother was 93 when she was diagnosed with fast-acting pancreatic cancer. She was given 5 months if she chose not to have treatment. She chose no treatment. The entire 5 months was so very peaceful and she looked beautiful. She would sometimes smile and say, "I can't wait to be in Jesus arms". 

She took meds in the last month and it wasn't until about 3 days before her passing that she whispered she had some pain. Hospice upped her dosage and she was pain-free and clear-headed. Her mind was very sharp right to the end. Again she said, I can't wait to be in Jesus arms. And that was it. I know not everyone has a peaceful experience while waiting but I couldn't help but share this.

I feel the same way she did...just like the video I shared in post 6.


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## Aneeda72 (Aug 29, 2021)

I will soon be 75.

My youngest son with DS has finally progressed to the point where he no longer “NEEDS” me.  It’s such a relief.  I can now die without the horrific feeling that I will be “abandoning”him; and without feeling I have to “fight“ to stay alive.

With that in mind, and a firm belief in the hereafter, I am not afraid of death, never have been afraid for myself.  I am DNR/DNI.  “When the roll is called-I’ll be there.”


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## Aneeda72 (Aug 29, 2021)

Lara said:


>


This song  expresses how I feel, thanks for posting it.


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## officerripley (Aug 29, 2021)

I agree with understanding when someone decides to let go; while that's not for everyone, in some situations, I'd feel the same. In fact sometimes I feel irritated by Dylan Thomas' poem, Do Not Go Gentle Into that Good Night ("Do not go gentle into that good night; Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light."); from first-hand experience taking care of 5 altogether over the years elderly parents, some of whom weren't going gentle, my feeling is, "Oh by all means, don't go gentle, go ahead and rage; sure, make the life of everyone around you a living hell; thanks, Mr. Thomas, thanks a lot.


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## Tom 86 (Aug 29, 2021)

Lara,
  My wife also died from Pancreatic cancer slow kind. But, she kept telling the Dr's she wanted to see our G.S. graduate 6th grade.
  She made it as I had to take her in a travel chair as to many kids running around. I didn't want her knocked over with her 4 wheel walker.
  She saw him walk across the stage, had brunch in the cafeteria with him.  We rushed her to the hospital the next day, where the Drs said she only had 3 or 4 weeks to live.  Went into Hospice that day, got down to 10 days she went into a coma & was moaning, the daily nurse told me to up her Morphine to 4 ml every 2 hrs to keep the pain down.   She never came out of the coma but went peacefully at 1:30 am in morning.  I called the nurse & she came right over & said yes she had passed.  She signed all the paperwork & the funeral people came to get her.  We had both already pre-paid for our cremations & everything.


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## Irwin (Aug 29, 2021)

I can't "give up the ghost" yet. My wife and our dog need me.

Plus I need to get rid of a lot of crap before I go. I have far too many guitars, among other things. And I need to sell our Accord since we no longer need two vehicles, but I just don't feel like dealing with prospective buyers. Guitars can be sold online and shipped, but car buyers want to test drive and socialize, and haggle... and there's transferring the title. I sold a car about 20 years ago to some kid who never registered it in his name. I made the mistake of leaving my plates on it. He got a bunch of parking tickets and the city wanted me to pay them. It was a hassle trying to convince the city that I sold the car. I'll never leave plates on a vehicle again when I sell it. Maybe I'll just trade in both our vehicles on a newer SUV.


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## Lara (Aug 29, 2021)

Thank you for sharing your story, @Tom 86 . How special that was for her to be able to hold on until she saw her grandson graduate. And now you have your little dog Rosie to give you joy and love. Dogs are so healing. You have much to be grateful for. You and Rosie have a purpose. Take care of one another. Give her a hug for me


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## Nathan (Aug 29, 2021)

Well I have to say up-front that I do not want to die any time soon.  But, I *do* understand that a person has no control over that.   I have this mindset that keeps me thinking that I'm still in my mid 40s.  Kinda weird, but gosh the past 25 years zipped by like it was only a month!


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## Brookswood (Aug 29, 2021)

One of my favorite songs is "Enjoy yourself".   Do it today, and if there is a tomorrow, do it again.


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## Irwin (Aug 29, 2021)

Nathan said:


> Well I have to say up-front that I do not want to die any time soon.  But, I *do* understand that a person has no control over that.   I have this mindset that keeps me thinking that I'm still in my mid 40s.  Kinda weird, but gosh the past 25 years zipped by like it was only a month!


Same here, I feel like I'm still in my early 40s... that is, until I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Aak! What the hell happened to my hair?!!

My 50s were fairly productive, so that decade seems long when I look back.


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## Mitch86 (Aug 30, 2021)

Music keeps me pain free and accepting of whatever happens.

This song expresses my situation now:

"Praise God, I'm Ready to Go:"


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## Aunt Bea (Aug 30, 2021)

I'm not afraid of death but I am afraid of dying.







_"Lord, I want to go to heaven, but I don't want to go tonight ..." - _


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## Warrigal (Aug 30, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> How do we prepare mentally and emotionally?
> 
> I'm *not afraid* of death. I don't think about it much, but I'm only 66; closer than I've ever been, but not as close as I will be going forward.
> 
> ...


I do not fear death either and I am approaching 79 years. I am no longer necessary to my children, grandchildren and now my great grandson who hardly knows me because of social isolation and lockdowns since he was born nearly 2 years ago. However, I am still very much needed as am important presence in their lives. I know that when I eventually die I will be mourned and I will be remembered. In the meantime I an encourager, a source of unconditional love and a presence at all of the rites of passage and special occasions, just as my mother and her sister were and as my dear mother in law was. These things are important in a family I sense that you are an important part of your family.

Do not deny your mortality but do not dwell on it too much. Live now and count your blessings past and present. Let the future unfold as it should.

Peace, love and respect to you, Murrmurr, you wonderful man.


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## Gary O' (Aug 30, 2021)

I've always liked Voltaire's approach;

On his deathbed, Voltaire, when asked to return to the faith of his fathers and renounce the devil, responded with, “This is no time to be making new enemies.”


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## Mr. Ed (Aug 30, 2021)

As we age death getting closer and closer? Not to belittle the significance of life but death is perhaps the greatest moment of one’s life. To embark upon an existence not defined by life as you know it to be. 

Will we mourn for the life had? Perhaps there is a place without want and wonder, knowledge and understanding for the asking.

Mitch86: I am glad you are here. I look forward to what happens when and after I die. I’m curious how I will handle death and circumstances there in. 

Perhaps SF is available in the afterlife?


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## Murrmurr (Aug 30, 2021)

Warrigal said:


> I do not fear death either and I am approaching 79 years. I am no longer necessary to my children, grandchildren and now my great grandson who hardly knows me because of social isolation and lockdowns since he was born nearly 2 years ago. However, I am still very much needed as am important presence in their lives. I know that when I eventually die I will be mourned and I will be remembered. In the meantime I an encourager, a source of unconditional love and a presence at all of the rites of passage and special occasions, just as my mother and her sister were and as my dear mother in law was. These things are important in a family I sense that you are an important part of your family.
> 
> Do not deny your mortality but do not dwell on it too much. Live now and count your blessings past and present. Let the future unfold as it should.
> 
> Peace, love and respect to you, Murrmurr, you wonderful man.


Thank you, Warrigal. That was blush-worthy.


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## bowmore (Aug 30, 2021)

Tom86,
Thank you for sharing that experience about your wife. I had a similar one with my mother. She lived in Florida, I live in California, and my sister lives in NY. My sis and I met in Florida to help mom celebrate her 102nd birthday.
Two days after I got back home, my sis called to tell me mom had passed away. I am almost positive that she was just waiting to see the two of us together before she passed away.


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## Remy (Aug 30, 2021)

I don't know @Mitch86 I think about it now. I'm 61, funny how I never considered this in my 20's or even 40's. 

I wonder if I will have any good years ahead or how it will end.


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## Mitch86 (Aug 30, 2021)

I try to live each day as if it was my last at 86.  I live it to the fullest.  I have arthritis of the spine which gives me terrible pain and impairment in legs and feet. There is no cure.  Doctors allowed  me 2 Tylenol/Codeine pills each day at dinner plus 1,000 mg of Tylenol before I go to sleep each night plus 1,000 mg at breakfast.  If I get an intolerable pain explosion, they allow me to take one extra Tylenol/Codeine pill at that time.  

Suffering is very bad at times but I live every day with Jesus and plenty of music playing most of the time.  I've accepted the situation remembering the Serenity Prayer:  change what we can and accept what we can't with God granting us the wisdom to know the difference.  

I purchased six Amazon Echo Shows which play all my favorite music most hours of every day.  My advice to everyone else here who is old and suffering: PLAY MUSIC AS MUCH AS YOU CAN.  I like music about Jesus and old folks songs from many years ago.  You can copy my Folk Playlist on YouTube here. Play it every day:

https://music.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLXlEVp8uHTXVuZuTf2US-8nicDYe5ihly&feature=share


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## Irwin (Aug 30, 2021)

I like peace and quiet, which is rare these days. There's always a fan blowing or the AC. Occasionally in the morning when there's not much traffic on the highway four blocks away, it will be quiet outside. I'll just stand in the yard, enjoying it. It's usually when I'm out there playing with my dog. I'll look around at the trees and the various birds flittering from branch to branch and occasionally to the bird feeders. The world seems bearable at that point. And then somebody will drive by and ruin it.


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## Chris21E (Aug 30, 2021)

Mitch86 said:


> Music keeps me pain free and accepting of whatever happens.
> 
> This song expresses my situation now:
> 
> "Praise God, I'm Ready to Go:"



 Going Home


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## Chris21E (Aug 31, 2021)

This is wonderful Abide with me and Nature Sounds when not able to get out


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## fmdog44 (Sep 1, 2021)

Worry about death when your dead.


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## Mr. Ed (Sep 1, 2021)

Death is as death does....sooner or later?


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## Ladybug (Sep 19, 2021)

Lara said:


>


Beautiful Song, Thank You


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## Alligatorob (Sep 19, 2021)

Mitch86 said:


> As we age death gets closer and closer. How do we face it's certainty. I'm 86 and realize I've outlived my dad, my grandfather and all my friends. How should we face the inevitable? I never thought I would get this old.


No doubt it does for us all.  My grandfather lived to 99, died just short of his 100th, he often told me that if I planned to live so long be sure and make younger friends.


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## Mr. Ed (Sep 25, 2021)

As we age we figure out the importance of life and living. When we are no longer living is a mystery to us all.


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## Chris21E (Sep 25, 2021)

Mr. Ed said:


> As we age we figure out the importance of life and living. When we are no longer living is a mystery to us all.


Can't be sure, have lost a pet bird that was having trouble seeing, as he slipped away his eyes opened wide as though he could see again. Death is a mystery for sure.  Try to enjoy life as best I can .


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## Mr. Ed (Sep 28, 2021)

The likelihood of dying becomes more prevalent as we get older. However, death is always near with or without regardless of age.


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## Mr. Ed (Sep 28, 2021)

As we age does death get easier?


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## Chris21E (Sep 28, 2021)

Mr. Ed said:


> As we age does death get easier?


Not really, it depends on what we are dealing with, I have come close to the end of life and it did not seem to be unpleasant, the hanging on hurt seems to be an issue. 

Everyone is different, it helps to be at peace with one's life.


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## Mr. Ed (Sep 28, 2021)

As we age we get older, death is inevitable


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## Pepper (Sep 28, 2021)

&


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## Alligatorob (Sep 28, 2021)

Mr. Ed said:


> Perhaps SF is available in the afterlife?


If it is none of us would qualify, not for a long time!


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## hollydolly (Sep 28, 2021)

Alligatorob said:


> No doubt it does for us all.  My grandfather lived to 99, died just short of his 100th, he often told me that if I planned to live so long be sure and make younger friends.


WoW! Was your grandfather prince Philip ?


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## senior chef (Sep 28, 2021)

I don't worry or even think about death. Nor do I believe in an "after-life".
I believe that when we die, that's it. Just like switching off the lights.
No thoughts. No feelings. No anything. 

Look at it this way. How did I feel about the attack on Pearl Harbor as it was happening ? Since I was not yet born, I felt nothing. Same with after death. Nothing.


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## Lara (Sep 29, 2021)

senior chef said:


> How did I feel about the attack on Pearl Harbor as it was happening ? Since I was not yet born, I felt nothing. Same with after death. Nothing.


God "knew you before you were in the womb".
So, there's that to consider if you choose to ponder.
Just thought I'd throw it on the table.
Food for thought.
But our brains seem so finite, don't they.
We give our brains borders.


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## Mitch86 (Oct 2, 2021)

senior chef said:


> I don't worry or even think about death. Nor do I believe in an "after-life".
> I believe that when we die, that's it. Just like switching off the lights.
> No thoughts. No feelings. No anything.
> 
> Look at it this way. How did I feel about the attack on Pearl Harbor as it was happening ? Since I was not yet born, I felt nothing. Same with after death. Nothing.


I agree totally.  We were created by a sperm cell fusing with an egg cell and cease to exist at the end of life.  I don't believe in Heaven or Hell and only like Jesus because songs about him are so pleasant to hear.  I also believe that Jesus told us how to die by accepting the end without blaming anyone.


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## Pete (Oct 2, 2021)

Tom 86 said:


> I'm with  Murrmurr.  I'm 86 & I give thanks every morning to God for another day.  I lost my wife 6+ years ago to cancer.  G.K's are all grown.  It's just me & my little dog Rosie here now.  We are trying to see who will outlive the other as she is 10+ years old.  Beagle Terrier mix.
> When the good Lord calls me I'll be ready.
> 
> View attachment 181042


*Tom 86 - your the man !*
If the T-shirt is a reflection of your reality I hope I have the same mindset as you if I reach your age.


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## squatting dog (Oct 2, 2021)

I've put this up before, but somehow I feel it fit's here very well. 

Every minute someone leaves this world behind. We are all in “the line” without knowing it.  We never know how many people are before us. We can not move to the back of the line. We can not step out of the line. We can not avoid the line.

So while we wait in line -

Make moments count. Make priorities. Make the time. Make your gifts known. Make a nobody feel like a somebody. Make your voice heard. Make the small things big. Make someone smile. Make the change. Make love. Make up. Make peace. Make sure to tell your people they are loved. Make sure to have no regrets.  Make sure you are ready.


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## Robert59 (Oct 2, 2021)

We all are lucky to be alive when so many people are dying in their 40's and 50's.


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## Lewkat (Oct 2, 2021)

Since I'll be 89 in 3 months, I can't worry about it.  My health runs hot and cold, but I've a pretty strong constitution and know my limits.  It is inevitable, so why worry or fret over it?  I'll be back to haunt some folks who deserve it.


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## Packerjohn (Oct 2, 2021)

When I stay in too much I start thinking about dying and that is really bad!  My "cure" for this negative thinking is to do something; go for a walk, sing a song or two with my guitar and head out to the library and get some great new books to read.  Visiting people is also a great antidote to these "blue feelings."   Watching Gunsmoke and laughing at that silly "Festus" is a pretty good way to chase away the blues.  Thinking too much about death is just too depressing.  Time to live while I can.

Actually I read somewhere that we start dying the minute we are born.  Must of been some negative guy!


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## funsearcher! (Oct 2, 2021)

So--have you decided on your end of life wishes and done the paperwork and spoken to your family???


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## Lara (Oct 3, 2021)

If we are still here then our purpose hasn't been fulfilled yet.
When our purpose is fulfilled then we will go home.

It's good to be alive. It will good to go home.
Embrace it. Be grateful. Focus on Love.

No worries.
`


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