# D Is For Dysfunctional



## Deborah (Jan 11, 2013)

I come from a textbook dysfunctional family.  Even though I and my sibblings are of senior age now, I still suspect we have traces of dysfunction in our family.
I am about ready to give up on one member, because after all these years, this sibbling continues to behave like a child (I think).  But then, I think, heck, we're
old now...or maybe I'm the most dysfunctional one (after all), or let bygones be bygones, or just laugh it off.  Does anyone else struggle with this issue in the family?


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## SeaBreeze (Jan 12, 2013)

I don't have particular problems like that in my family, but if it were me, I'd just talk to the sibling you're about to give up on, and let them know that since you've all matured, you'd like to make the best of your last years together and start fresh.  Sometimes this is just the invitation they need to drop their hard feelings and become family again.  Worth a try!  Too many folks have regrets after they lose a family member, that they didn't make the effort toward the end to forgive and forget.  BTW, welcome!


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## R. Zimm (Jan 12, 2013)

You know, somehow many of us think our basic personality will improve over the years but I think it just gets "refined" to where all you have left is your core personality.

In one way this scares me in that I do not want to end up as a totally sarcastic "know-it-all" which unfortunately is my core personality. I'm working on this more now that I'm in my post mid 50's so maybe I can at least change my habits before it's too late.


I also have hope as I have met many older people who still have a great "never stop learning" outlook on life. They are usually the happiest.


But as far as your situation it is harder for us to figure it out than you since you know them way better than we ever can. A guy I work with talks about how his sisters call him to moan about their lives which is basically the way they always have. And, like the past, his sisters never seem to really want to hear about solutions, they just want to complain, not change.


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## maybenot (Jan 13, 2013)

Deborah,I can't know how you feel of of course but if I were you ,after all these years I'd just laugh it off,let it go and accept that he/she is the way he and  is because theyre happy being that way and live your own life being how you want to be, tell them you care and will help if/when necessary if you can.
I left England 42 yrs ago and haven't seen any of my family since and even before I left hadn't seen my elder brother for 5 yrs, we both left home at sixteen, he went into the navy , i lived with friends until I came to Australia at 20yrs old. My Dad died of scerosis of the liver and had been dead 3yrs before I found out thru' a niece who came out here on a working visa looking for her Dads' sister, my Mam died 5yrs after that and as I lost touch with my niece don't even know whether my brother is alive or not, my hubby was diagnosed with multiple myeloma 5yrs ago and is lucky to be still alive but very frail. I'm telling you all this so you may see that your family is what you have and like them or not ,that's the way it is and if you give up on them now you may regret it later, I know I do, I wish that when I grew a bit older I'd made an effort to understand why my parents were the way they were and why my behaviour was so rebellious but too late now and here I am, lonely but not alone.  Good luck


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## WhatInThe (Dec 29, 2013)

R. Zimm said:


> You know, somehow many of us think our basic personality will improve over the years but I think it just gets "refined" to where all you have left is your core personality.
> 
> In one way this scares me in that I do not want to end up as a totally sarcastic "know-it-all" which unfortunately is my core personality. I'm working on this more now that I'm in my post mid 50's so maybe I can at least change my habits before it's too late.
> 
> ...




"never stop learning" outlook on life

This is the key. I think this is why a lot of people give up or bother to progress in early adulthood because they have to do it on their own-no more teachers and school administrators planning their lives. The young adult has to motivate themselves as does the senior. Self motivation is a good character trait. I think many seniors not only show their true colors but the sum of their life-was their life filled with learning. Were they self motivators and/or self starters. Different eras or times in history can lock a weak person into a poor lifestyle which includes no self learning. I know too many that want or think the only way to learn is to be spoon fed information by a so called expert. They won't read, watch videos, take classes or informal advice-unless they were formally told it they don't worry about it.


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## That Guy (Dec 29, 2013)




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## Diwundrin (Dec 29, 2013)

Only sheer curiosity keeps me around really.  Can't think of any other one great motivation to put up with the world.  The more I learn, the curiouser I get.  (Don't go there TG 'n Phil)


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## SifuPhil (Dec 29, 2013)




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## Amethyst1 (Dec 30, 2013)

Depends what you mean by dysfunctional, really. People use the word in so many ways.
It is difficult to say much with such little information. What is this child like behavior?
It is hard to laugh off family problems. I try not to hold grudges...but many families do.


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## Old Hipster (Dec 30, 2013)

We can wear our past like an albatross around our neck or we can cut the rope and let it fall into the sea.


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## SifuPhil (Dec 30, 2013)

The only mention of "dysfunction" mentioned in the DSM-V (the "textbook" of psychological disorders) concerns ****** dysfunctions. Any other use of the term is bound to be derived from such sources as talk-show hosts and women's magazines, so unless a specific social disorder is being referenced the use of the term "dysfunctional" can be misleading.


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## WhatInThe (Dec 30, 2013)

SifuPhil said:


> The only mention of "dysfunction" mentioned in the DSM-V (the "textbook" of psychological disorders) concerns ****** dysfunctions. Any other use of the term is bound to be derived from such sources as talk-show hosts and women's magazines, so unless a specific social disorder is being referenced the use of the term "dysfunctional" can be misleading.



I've heard in terms of drug & alcohol abuse and/or relationships. I guess dysfunctional could mean really messed up. And am surprised it lasted this long


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## RedRibbons (Feb 16, 2014)

I refuse to have contact with anyone who causes me unhappiness, relative or not. That lame excuse of "Oh, that is just the way they are" does not cut it with me. Yeah, Just the way they are is toxic . Why in the world would I subject myself to a toxic person? Nope, ain't going to happen.


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## That Guy (Feb 16, 2014)

RedRibbons said:


> I refuse to have contact with anyone who causes me unhappiness, relative or not. That lame excuse of "Oh, that is just the way they are" does not cut it with me. Yeah, Just the way they are is toxic . Why in the world would I subject myself to a toxic person? Nope, ain't going to happen.



Couldn't have said it better myself.


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