# The end of the Family Christmas party?



## debodun (Nov 18, 2019)

My cousin, who has been having my family's Christmas party at his house for quite a few years, sent out an email to the effect that this year would be the last year he would be hosting it (no reason given). My house is not fit for company and my remaining two aunts that have large enough homes said they don't want it at their houses, either. My other cousins either live inconveniently far away or have homes that are small or live in apartments. I just wonder why this sudden reticence, although I noticed that last year my cousin's wife (who was usually the life of the party) just sat in the corner with her arms folded, legs crossed and stared at the floor.


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## Ruthanne (Nov 18, 2019)

I don't know but my sister n law got tired of making all the family holiday meals after 40 years of it--can't blame her!


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## Keesha (Nov 18, 2019)

debodun said:


> I just wonder why this sudden reticence, although I noticed that last year my cousin's wife (who was usually the life of the party) just sat in the corner with her arms folded and stared at the floor.


Considering nobody HAS to have a family Christmas party, it’s a volunteer thing, I think your answer is right here in your post.

Happy wife, happy life.
If your cousins wife isn’t having a good time and she lives there and has to do all this work, can you seriously blame her?

Putting on a Family holiday meal IS a big deal even for small families. You happen to have a HUGE one which would cost a lot of money and be a LOT of work. Unless you’ve done this personally yourself then perhaps you are not  seeing the bigger picture.

Either way your cousin had every right to say no more whether people agree or not.


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## Keesha (Nov 18, 2019)

Ruthanne said:


> I don't know but my sister n law got tired of making all the family holiday meals after 40 years of it--can't blame her!


40 years!!!! No who can blame her is right. 
Bless her soul though. That’s a LOT of work.


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## Marie5656 (Nov 18, 2019)

*My cousin and wife did it for many years. They had no kids, and loved to cook. Figured they would make it easier for family with kids.  
When they retired to Florida, of course the parties stopped.  I still miss them. But now, our family is either deceased or spread all over. Just no one around to do it.*


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## debodun (Nov 18, 2019)

The host doesn't have to provide all the food. They usually bake a ham. Everyone else brings a dish to share so all the food prep isn't put on the host. 

Our parties get smaller every year, too. This year my last blood-related uncle passed. One of my cousin's husbands can't attend because of a work schedule conflict, so they won't be there. My estimate there will be 12 - 14 people - 3 aunts by marriage, 4 cousins and their spouses, myself and if any of my second cousins attend (two of those within reach).


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## RadishRose (Nov 18, 2019)

So, no more family parties.

If you *really* want one-
1-Clean your house and have them there.
2- Everyone chip in for a meal in a restaurant.


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## Catlady (Nov 18, 2019)

How about meeting at a restaurant for those who want to get together?  Then the restaurant does all the work and each person pays for their own food and still can socialize with the family (or those that show up).  Even if the host ''only'' provides the ham, they still have to clean and decorate the house even if they don't want to.

Added:  Rose beat me to it while I was still typing.  I vote for #2


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## Ruthanne (Nov 18, 2019)

Keesha said:


> 40 years!!!! No who can blame her is right.
> Bless her soul though. That’s a LOT of work.


We all tried to help her, too, by putting away stuff after dinner, loading the dishwasher and unloading.  I was always asking her if she needed any help.  YES, it is a lot of work.  She often looked put out near the end of it.  I always assumed she wanted to do it.


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## Kaila (Nov 18, 2019)

I hope people all thank them, for having had it at their house for all those years,
instead of people questioning them why stopping, or fussing about it not continuing the same way.

Perhaps plan some big way to thank them, (at the last one) everyone chipping in for some surprise of some type, to show appreciation.


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## debodun (Nov 18, 2019)

I always say "Thank you for your hospitality." when I leave. I can't swear that anyone else does.

I remember having the family party at this house, but that was like over 40 years ago when my parents were both alive and the house was in good shape. It would cost me thousands to get it to the point I could have guests.


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## Ruthanne (Nov 18, 2019)

debodun said:


> I always say "Thank you for your hospitality." when I leave. I can't swear that anyone else does.


I always profusely said thank you, too, as I knew how much work went into it.


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## Kaila (Nov 18, 2019)

Maybe smaller groups, getting together at different times, during the season, might be something everyone might want to at least consider.
I know it isn't the same at all, but there could be some good sides to it.  If people get together with just a few people at a time, then there is more personal interaction.  Just thoughts and ideas.


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## Ruthanne (Nov 18, 2019)

debodun said:


> The host doesn't have to provide all the food. They usually bake a ham. Everyone else brings a dish to share so all the food prep isn't put on the host.


Yes, others and I often brought something to our gatherings.


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## RadishRose (Nov 18, 2019)

PVC said:


> How about meeting at a restaurant for those who want to get together?  Then the restaurant does all the work and each person pays for their own food and still can socialize with the family (or those that show up).  Even if the host ''only'' provides the ham, they still have to clean and decorate the house even if they don't want to.
> 
> Added:  Rose beat me to it while I was still typing.  I vote for #2


I agree with PVC- restaurant!


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## Kaila (Nov 18, 2019)

I didn't mean the hosts were not thanked each year, at the time.  I am sure you people would and did!

I just meant it might be nice to give them a bigger show of appreciation, when they say they are stopping now,
for the entire past years, at the last time they do it.


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## Capt Lightning (Nov 18, 2019)

Family get parties , reunions etc.. are my idea of hell at any time of the year.  I avoid them like the plague.  Our children are coming this Yuletide - 6 of us in total and that's OK.  Any more would be too many for us.


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## Aunt Bea (Nov 18, 2019)

It's not fair to criticize others for not taking on a task that you are unwilling or unable to do yourself.

When you get together this year ask the group if they would be interested in meeting for lunch at a local restaurant.

If the idea flops then maybe next year you could invite one or two of your closest family members out for a nice holiday lunch.

Good luck!


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## Duster (Nov 18, 2019)

As elder members pass on, our families gather less and less at holiday times.  I've hosted holiday dinner in the past few years, but have sold the big house recently and don't know where to put everyone.  I don't have the energy to do it all anymore, either.
We've done the meeting at a restaurant around the holidays thing and it worked out well.  We usually invite people, choose the location, pick a time, and pay for everyone's meal.  
My son usually spends both Thanksgiving and Christmas with his wife's family because her father was a professional chef.  I've told them that it doesn't have to be on the actual day to celebrate.  We try to get together a few times during the holidays.
We've already had our "Thanksgiving" with my side of the family because of out of town visitors. 
My husband and I usually cook a turkey breast or ham and some favorite dishes for us to have our own festivities on the actual days.
There isn't one right way to do the holidays. Everyone needs to find what works for them.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Nov 19, 2019)

Duster said:


> Everyone needs to find what works for them.


Exactly! Deb, I believe you're somewhat younger than I am, and since you've never done the hosting, you can only imagine how much work is involved. 

Thanksgiving is a week from Thursday. If you start _today, _it could be that there's still time to arrange a get together at a restaurant--one that's equidistant for all or most to get to. Ditto for Christmas.


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## Keesha (Nov 19, 2019)

debodun said:


> I always say "Thank you for your hospitality." when I leave. I can't swear that anyone else does.
> 
> I remember having the family party at this house, but that was like over 40 years ago when my parents were both alive and the house was in good shape. It would cost me thousands to get it to the point I could have guests.


Yes but then you’d have a nice clutter free home for you to live in


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## CarolfromTX (Nov 20, 2019)

Could have been anything that finally pushed her over the edge. Maybe someone said something she perceived as rude or ungrateful. Considering they've been doing it for years, my guess is that it just wore thin. Can't say I blame her. Even if it's a potluck style meal, there's still cleaning and prep beforehand, and after, even if the family pitches in. If I were attending this year, I'd give her a big hug, and a very sincere thank you for having hosted it all those years. And I sure wouldn't ask her to reconsider. And I'd start looking for an alternate venue.


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