# Christmas presents



## Patnono (Nov 8, 2018)

Hi for several years now I've been giving presents to my sister's grandchildren.  There's one of her daughter's who I don't see too much.  I'm big on manner's, she never acknowledeges the presents, would like a Thank you.  I've never expect anything.  Should I stop giving them presents?


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## terry123 (Nov 8, 2018)

I would but that's just me.  I am big on manners also but so many people have not been taught. I expect a thank you and get them most of the time.  If I don't then, they will get a card only.  Does not bother me a bit. I always write a thank you note or call when I receive a gift or kindness.


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## ClassicRockr (Nov 8, 2018)

Seems to be a lot of this that goes on at Christmas and on Birthdays. Don't know why, but my 67 yr old BIL does this to us. Unless we call him on Christmas, we'd wouldn't hear from him and many, many times no "thank you" for the gifts we've sent him. This year will be different, because he doesn't want us to know his address...…...for whatever reason. Perhaps afraid we will make a surprise visit, which we wouldn't.


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## Bearwoman (Nov 8, 2018)

Here's my two cents.I wouldn't waste my time and effort in giving anyone regardless if they are a relative or not a gift when they don't show any kind of appreciation for it.


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## AprilSun (Nov 8, 2018)

If they can't take the time to give you a Thank you, then I certainly would not take the time to give them a gift!


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## Patnono (Nov 8, 2018)

Yea, my daughter pointed out that they Never come things we invite them too, but we go to things they invite us too.  I don't care to receive anything, that's not Me... I Love giving.  I'll rewrite my Christmas list &#55356;&#57220;&#55357;&#56899;


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## Patnono (Nov 8, 2018)

My grandson lives with me, he's 4 I insist on him having manner's, I've seen him correct adults about their lack of manner's. Lol. So looks like I'll be checking my list Twice?  Thanks


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## Patnono (Nov 8, 2018)

Thanks for writing, I'm rewriting my list...save some money &#55356;&#57220;&#55357;&#56899;


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## hollydolly (Nov 8, 2018)

Absolutely stop!! My daughter's ex long term partner was the same, not one word of thanks for any gift, so I just stopped buying anything for him...


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## Patnono (Nov 8, 2018)

Yea, it's sad that etiquette has gone out the window...my daughter n I have been teaching my grandson since he was a couple of years old about manner's, he's 4 now and opens the door for women...I insist.  My nieces kids are old enough to call me and say thank You


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## ClassicRockr (Nov 8, 2018)

Patnono said:


> My grandson lives with me, he's 4 I insist on him having manner's, I've seen him correct adults about their lack of manner's. Lol. So looks like I'll be checking my list Twice?  Thanks



You are a GREAT grandparent!! Two BIG "thumbs up" for you!!


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## Keesha (Nov 8, 2018)

I’ve got a huge pet peeve about thankless people. 
If someone goes out of their way to do something for you or give you something then it at least deserves a thank you in acknowledgement. It’s especially tough when it’s family or people close to the heart.


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## Patnono (Nov 8, 2018)

Thank you, I'm tired of seeing the lack of empathy and self entitlement these days.  Sorry to say that's how my sister's raised her kids and now her grandchildren.  When I saw the ones that live with her, when they say me The first thing out of their mouth is "where's my birthday present" and when I gave them a present, they said that's it???  I reprimand them and tell them their Rude


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## Sassycakes (Nov 8, 2018)

In the last few months I have finally come to the realization that some people I always gave gifts to just do not deserve them anymore. So my list is a lot shorter today.


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## Patnono (Nov 8, 2018)

Mines is shorter too, I found out I had a sister in law who use to throw away the presents I gave her kids when they where little, that they weren't good enough.  So I stopped giving them any.  Their adults now they call to remind me that their birthday coming and they want a present.  I chewed them out, and gave them NOTHING


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## Linda (Nov 8, 2018)

Guess I'm the odd man (woman) out here.  I will continue to give whether I get a thank you or not.


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## Patnono (Nov 8, 2018)

That's ok that you feel that way, I just feel hurt by what feel is somewhat disrespectful, they kept the gifts. My kids Always say Please an Thank you without any prompting from me, it comes to them naturally.  I'm working on my grandson whom I want to grow up to be a gentleman. We are consistent with him.  Im retired now, so my income has changed.


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## Gary O' (Nov 8, 2018)

Patnono said:


> My grandson lives with me, he's 4 I insist on him having manner's, I've seen him correct adults about their lack of manner's. Lol. So looks like I'll be checking my list Twice?  Thanks



So you’ve turned your presents into your presence

Not everyone is so blessed with that

Maybe the gift for those you aren’t around should be a portrait of their grandma


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## Patnono (Nov 8, 2018)

I've never thought of it that way, it's just being respectful to those who thought of them enough to give.  These are Not my grandchildren.  I love my family just wanted to show it, I don't want anything, I'm uncomfortable when I'm given anything.


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## Gary O' (Nov 8, 2018)

Patnono said:


> I've never thought of it that way, it's just being respectful to those who thought of them enough to give.  These are Not my grandchildren.  I love my family just wanted to show it, I don't want anything, I'm uncomfortable when I'm given anything.



Gifts are a bit of a trick
Buying something for someone gets bumpy at times
A matter of taste comes into play

Sure, one should express thanks in some way. It’s a simple decent thing.
But, it needs to be from the heart, not due to the dictates of what should be done.
That…is just an exercise

I have 15 grandchildren
Not many recv anything material from me for Christmas or birthdays 
They bless us when they come
We enjoy visiting them when we go
Kids are busy with their little lives
But, if you can get them to sit with you, you can give them something beyond material value, stories of your childhood, interest in theirs.
One of my g’kids used to give me as much grief as he possibly could
Until last visit
While waiting for the train, outa the blue, he wrapped his arms around me, hugged me close, and said, ‘I love you Papaw’
14 year olds don’t just do that
I was stunned
And happy
It was the greatest gift I’d ever received
Let the sellers and buyers and givers of things do what they do   

Give them something to carry around in their mind, even after yer long gone.

*Yourself *

Don’t be too concerned about slights, or most anything out of your grasp

Per _*them *_in _*your *_grasp…tight


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## Patnono (Nov 8, 2018)

Thanks for writing, it does come from the heart, I don't think saying thank you is too much to ask?


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## Gary O' (Nov 8, 2018)

Patnono said:


> Thanks for writing, it does come from the heart, I don't think saying thank you is too much to ask?



Of course not

but when asking, well, things get a bit upside down

the intent of everything gets focused on a shortcoming, not a blessed event

turns out, life itself is just too short to try to ratchet everthing into what should be done

Hey, we're all old here
get a certain age, the word 'cherish' becomes much more prized than the word 'harbor'


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## Patnono (Nov 9, 2018)

Yea, it'll be ok, the new generation is about.  I prefer giving of my time or homemade gifts, I'm a crafter/seamstress, my homemade gifts weren't received well, no harm, I get pleasure from doing that.


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## Gary O' (Nov 9, 2018)

Patnono said:


> I prefer giving of my time or homemade gifts, I'm a crafter/seamstress, my homemade gifts weren't received well, no harm, I get pleasure from doing that.



I know that one

I work with wood
My lady spins, knits, crotchets 

damn commercialized crap pushed into fertile minds, these days

...and where does that all go when the new next thing comes about?


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## Patnono (Nov 9, 2018)

Thanks for writing, I tried to knit and crochet, teaching a left hander is hard.  When I turned 50, I had insisted on a homemade gifts.  My God it was like pulling teeth to get them to do it, I treasure those most.  I'm making blankets for my kids and a sports Christmas stockings for my niece who cares for my elderly mother.


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## Wren (Nov 9, 2018)

Personally I would have stopped with the presents years ago, it’s not only rude it must be hurtful for you as well, why put yourself through it each year ?

I’m sure there are lots of Charities and good causes that would be delighted to receive your home made gifts giving you the appreciation you deserve


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## debbie in seattle (Nov 9, 2018)

The way I settled this very same issue.......stop trying and stop giving.   Drove me nuts wondering if they got the gift or not.


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## Patnono (Nov 9, 2018)

I knew they got the gifts cause my sister gave them to her.  I am not giving them anything, I know it's not appreciated.


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## terry123 (Nov 9, 2018)

I send home made peanut butter candy to several people each year. Its a tradition that goes back 25 years.   I send them gift cards and their candy. They expect their candy as I only make it at Christmas now.  My best friend sends me her homemade pumpkin bread and cranberry bread and she wants her peanut butter candy each year. We have done this for the last 25 years and its our thing.  We also give each other a subscription to Daily Word, a daily reading we do even though we are in different states.  She says its a comfort to know that we are reading the same thing at the same time each day. Me with my coffee and she with her tea.


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## maplebeez (Nov 9, 2018)

We're in a similar situation, have been sending holiday gifts to a relative's children, we don't see that often, for years,  But this year because of mental health problems, the family's oldest child is not living at home & will not be spending the holidays with them. Should we still include something in our holiday package for that young man?


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## Patnono (Nov 9, 2018)

If you like?  I never like feeling obligated to give gifts even if I'm given one, I just say thank You.  My kids are like that when someone that they didn't expect to give them one does, the feel obligated to give them one.  Maybe make a meal for them?


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## Falcon (Nov 9, 2018)

THAT  settles  it !   I'm not giving them  ONE  MORE  THING !    You do what you want.  THEY  don't deserve  anything.

Sorry,  but that's  the way I am.


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## terry123 (Nov 9, 2018)

Falcon said:


> THAT  settles  it !   I'm not giving them  ONE  MORE  THING !    You do what you want.  THEY  don't deserve  anything.
> 
> Sorry,  but that's  the way I am.


Exactly!!


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## Knight (Nov 9, 2018)

Wife & I long ago knew that we had pretty much everything we wanted so gifts on Dec. 25th. were not needed. Better to buy what ever was wanted at the time it was wanted. Watching other families be distressed ove which child or son or daughter feel slighted if a gift wasn't to an equivalent dollar  amount taught us to find a way to get around that.

State to our sons there would be no gift exchange PERIOD.

As for grand kids For their birthday and Christmas an equal amount of money was sent to a guardianship stock account set up for them. No dispute taht way about one getting more than another..

only one left to continue. They all sold there shares when they reached 18. Two pissed away the money one paid for his room & board & partial fee for trade school. The other bought himself a work truck. All happy


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## Gary O' (Nov 9, 2018)

terry123 said:


> I send home made peanut butter candy to several people each year. Its a tradition that goes back 25 years.   I send them gift cards and their candy. They expect their candy as I only make it at Christmas now.  My best friend sends me her homemade pumpkin bread and cranberry bread and she wants her peanut butter candy each year. We have done this for the last 25 years and its our thing.  We also give each other a subscription to Daily Word, a daily reading we do even though we are in different states.  She says its a comfort to know that we are reading the same thing at the same time each day. Me with my coffee and she with her tea.


...and that's _*thee*_ answer to many a gift dilemma....goodies

no worries all around

Just send the box...and let 'em fight over how much who gets

problem solved


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## Keesha (Nov 9, 2018)

I send handmade gingerbread cookies each year and it’s a tradition that I’ve been doing since 1981 and everyone asks about. It’s nice to be known as a giver and remembered.


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## Patnono (Nov 9, 2018)

That's sweet of you, gingerbread cookies are yummy, i make homemade chocolate clusters for gifts and I have a pre-christmas gathering with my sister's grandchildren and my grandson, we bake cupcakes, play games so they can bond, my kids didn't have relationships with their cousins because my 5 brothers wives kept their kids away from our family.  The kids love this.  I miss the simple time's of Christmas, what happened?


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## StarSong (Nov 10, 2018)

Maybe it's just me, but I give things to people because I think it will make them happy.  That's my aim.  Thank you notes are not necessary for me to feel appreciated.  I don't stand on that kind of ceremony.  When I get a gift I thank the giver in person and possibly follow up with an email or phone call.  Or not.  It doesn't seem to matter to the people I know and love.  

I give boxes of homemade Christmas cookies to many friends during the holidays and mail at least another 20 boxes across the US.  Some people thank me in person, others call, some FB message me, some email, some make no reply whatsoever.  I always double check tracking to make sure they arrived and leave it alone after that.  Sure enough, within a month or so of the holidays - whenever it is that we next get in touch - I hear how much they enjoyed the cookies.  Of course, that was my intent in the first place so it's all good.      

Life is short.  If when I'm gone, some recipients will reflect happily on their Christmas cookies, well that's all the thanks I will ever need.


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## Patnono (Nov 10, 2018)

That's nice that you do those things, I guess I'm sensitive, I honestly feel that I'm being taken for granted, I'm BIG on manner's,  people seem to no longer show any kind of appreciation for each other?  I gave my boyfriends mom a Christmas ornament once, she got very upset about it and let me know it, that she then felt obligated to give a gift.  That was my first Christmas with his family, didn't think it was a Big deal?  That was 17 years ago never gave her another gift again.


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## Gary O' (Nov 10, 2018)

StarSong said:


> Maybe it's just me, but I give things to people because I think it will make them happy.  That's my aim.  Thank you notes are not necessary for me to feel appreciated.  I don't stand on that kind of ceremony.  When I get a gift I thank the giver in person and possibly follow up with an email or phone call.  Or not.  It doesn't seem to matter to the people I know and love.
> 
> I give boxes of homemade Christmas cookies to many friends during the holidays and mail at least another 20 boxes across the US.  Some people thank me in person, others call, some FB message me, some email, some make no reply whatsoever.  I always double check tracking to make sure they arrived and leave it alone after that.  Sure enough, within a month or so of the holidays - whenever it is that we next get in touch - I hear how much they enjoyed the cookies.  Of course, that was my intent in the first place so it's all good.
> 
> Life is short.  If when I'm gone, some recipients will reflect happily on their Christmas cookies, well that's all the thanks I will ever need.



yes


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