# Best friend



## vickyNightowl (Feb 4, 2016)

I need opinions.

My best friend,who is like a sister to me,has been having some medcal issuess.
I love her dearly,even though she is old school and I am not,we respect each other.

I text her regularly and call to know if she needs help etcc
The end of December her son got sick and went to the hospital and she was not told right away,knowing he wasn't feeling well from previouus days and when I found out,as a mom and the serious of the situation and that I would want to know,I texted her at work and asked her 'how he was feeling and that her husband told me he was very ssick' ,trying not to scare her.

After about 20 min she texted me back,she had called him andd found out he was at the hospital and told me that I should not have texted her about it because she gets very upset etc

I'm in shock,I would want to know,I thought it was serious enough and she shouuld not be in the dark.
My feelings were hurt,really hurt ,there are times when I had text or left messages and they were never returned.

At that point I deciided to not ccontine texting since she did not botherr.its been a month.

I received a text this morning 'hey stranger,how are you? I miss you'

I did not reply,I still feel hurt because in every relationnship,I give iit my alll,making sure that the person knows how important they are to me

I don't know if I should just let it go like it didn't happen ot talk to her abouut it,I know ii have changed though.

-vicky


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## Bluecheese50 (Feb 4, 2016)

Telling someone who is not related to you, even if they are a friend, such news about their son, was probably not very wise. It should have been left to a family member, and certainly not by text, imo.


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## vickyNightowl (Feb 4, 2016)

Bluecheese50 said:


> Telling someone who is not related to you, even if they are a friend, such news about their son, was probably not very wise. It should have been left to a family member, and certainly not by text, imo.



Yes, I understand that.I tried to put myself into the situation and I would want to know.our relationship is much more than just friends and the texting iis not an issue,she has no home phone.

I did apologise and I explained myself as to why,our kids grew up together,20 years.you would thinnk she would understand my reesons were from worrying and nothing more.

Its been over a month, I thought our relationship was stronger than that.

My actions were not from spite but from love and caring.


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## Bluecheese50 (Feb 4, 2016)

vickyNightowl said:


> Yes, I understand that.I tried to put myself into the situation and I would want to know.our relationship is much more than just friends and the texting iis not an issue,she has no home phone.
> 
> I did apologise and I explained myself as to why,our kids grew up together,20 years.you would thinnk she would understand my reesons were from worrying and nothing more.
> 
> ...



Sadly you and your former friend don't see such matters in the same way. I am afraid you will have to put it down to experience and move on.


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## vickyNightowl (Feb 4, 2016)

Bluecheese50 said:


> Sadly you and your former friend don't see such matters in the same way. I am afraid you will have to put it down to experience and move on.



Thank you for your opinion and taking the time to reply but its not about ending the friendship,its to how to get through this issue and go on because the friendship is worth it.


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## Bluecheese50 (Feb 4, 2016)

vickyNightowl said:


> Thank you for your opinion and taking the time to reply but its not about ending the friendship,its to how to get through this issue and go on because the friendship is worth it.



Do you think your friend regarded your friendship in the same way as you do, could she have moved on?


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## SifuPhil (Feb 4, 2016)

vickyNightowl said:


> I did not reply,I still feel hurt because in every relationnship,I give iit my alll,making sure that the person knows how important they are to me



The problem with giving a relationship your all is that it's a lot like gambling - yes, you think you'll win big, but you're also always wagering that you can lose it all.

For any of a thousand reasons your love can be thrown down on the ground. You always have to be ready for that. 

In this case, it seems her family ties are stronger than your friendship. It wouldn't be the first time in history this has happened.

I wish you good luck in restoring the relationship.


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## vickyNightowl (Feb 4, 2016)

Bluecheese50 said:


> Do you think your friend regarded your friendship in the same way as you do, could she have moved on?



No,I don't think she did and no,I don't think she would go on without us eitherr.
I don't think she has realised I was hurt on the fact that my actions were coming from a caring place and that after all these years ,I assumed she would understand.


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## vickyNightowl (Feb 4, 2016)

SifuPhil said:


> The problem with giving a relationship your all is that it's a lot like gambling - yes, you think you'll win big, but you're also always wagering that you can lose it all.
> 
> For any of a thousand reasons your love can be thrown down on the ground. You always have to be ready for that.
> 
> ...



Thanks Phil,

Her family should be more important.
I don't have any regrets for any love I give,,but the truth is  I was not prepared and will be guarded whatever happens going forward.


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## SifuPhil (Feb 4, 2016)

vickyNightowl said:


> Thanks Phil,
> 
> Her family should be more important.



Just remember - there are all kinds of families - the ones we're born into and the ones we create.




> I don't have any regrets for any love I give,,but the truth is  I was not prepared and will be guarded whatever happens going forward.



Good for you - you're a stronger person now. Maybe one with a little piece of your heart missing ... but stronger. That's the price we pay.


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## vickyNightowl (Feb 4, 2016)

SifuPhil said:


> Just remember - there are all kinds of families - the ones we're born into and the ones we create.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Her husband and her kids is what I meant about her family,and thinking a bit on that, I realise this is the way they function ,which is ok for them,I on the other hand,I would hurt someone if they had kept it from me.but that's just me.


Not all love is returned. Yes,stronger for sure.


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 4, 2016)

vickyNightowl said:


> I need opinions.
> After about 20 min she texted me back,she had called him andd found out he was at the hospital and told me that I should not have texted her about it because she gets very upset etc
> 
> I'm in shock,I would want to know,I thought it was serious enough and she shouuld not be in the dark.
> ...



After here initial text, did you text her back and apologize for upsetting her?  Was that the last text between you two...her response?  I'm curious as to why you didn't reply to today's text asking how you are and saying she missed you.  Seems to me you'd jump at the chance to chat again in a friendly way.

Remember, she may have been under a lot of stress at the time of your first text.  The fact that she's reaching out to you now can only be seen as a good thing, IMO.  Is there something here that I'm missing?


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## vickyNightowl (Feb 4, 2016)

SeaBreeze said:


> After here initial text, did you text her back and apologize for upsetting her?  Was that the last text between you two...her response?  I'm curious as to why you didn't reply to today's text asking how you are and saying she missed you.  Seems to me you'd jump at the chance to chat again in a friendly way.
> 
> Remember, she may have been under a lot of stress at the time of your first text.  The fact that she's reaching out to you now can only be seen as a good thing, IMO.  Is there something here that I'm missing?



Oh yes,I have apologised,I think I mentioned that in a post above and yes,she did have a lot of stress but I am always vocal about my affections and always told her so and that I'm always here for her because she has talked to me about personal matters and I to her but after I apologised,she went quiet until this morning.more than a month when before ,we would text through the day every day.

I haven't texted her back because I am not sure how to go about it afterr I was ignoredd for over a month.


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## Shalimar (Feb 4, 2016)

Vicky, does your friend have severe medical issues? Sometimes that type of stress severely affects the way people behave towards their friends.


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 4, 2016)

vickyNightowl said:


> I haven't texted her back because I am not sure how to go about it afterr I was ignoredd for over a month.



I suggest that you forgive and forget, then move forward with your friendship.  Holding grudges isn't healthy for anyone involved, try to keep your life positive, avoid the negatives if you have control.  Good luck, hope things go back to the way they were for you...or even better.


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## Underock1 (Feb 4, 2016)

vickyNightowl said:


> I need opinions.
> 
> My best friend,who is like a sister to me,has been having some medcal issuess.
> I love her dearly,even though she is old school and I am not,we respect each other.
> ...



Her text this morning; "Hey stranger, how are you. I miss you?" Response: "I'm fine. Good to hear from you. How are you doing". Then listen.
What's the problem here? She has gotten over whatever issues she had with you for whatever her reasons were and has reached out to you. Friends don't take revenge on each other. They forgive and move on. So you are either her friend or not.
No one knows that except you. Our advice is meaningless.


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## vickyNightowl (Feb 4, 2016)

Shalimar,she has too many medcal issues  going on at the same time.and yes,a lot of stress.


Seabreeze,thank you .


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## NancyNGA (Feb 4, 2016)

vickyNightowl said:


> I received a text this morning 'hey stranger,how are you? I miss you'



If she left me a note like this, I would move on as if nothing happened. It would take more than one incident for me to get upset with a friend.  Don't you ever say something you would regret later when you are stressed out?  I have.


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## Shalimar (Feb 4, 2016)

Vicky if she is maxed out, I think I would take a deep breath, decide to move past my hurt feelings, and go on as if everything is ok. Hopefully, the bump in the road will soon disappear into the past. If she is anything like me, sometimes under prolonged 

stress I can seem fine, present well, while underneath I am a broken bag of toys. She may be fairly oblivious to anyone's feelings but her immediate concerns. It does not mean she does not love you, just overloaded. Perhaps she took a months space to destress. Hugs.


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## SifuPhil (Feb 4, 2016)

Geeze ... listening to all this stuff makes me glad I'm a monk.


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## vickyNightowl (Feb 4, 2016)

Underock1,it has nothing to do with revenge,far from it.

Thank you for your input.its good to read from everyone opinion and she the sitution from another pov.


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## vickyNightowl (Feb 4, 2016)

Shalimar said:


> Vicky if she is maxed out, I think I would take a deep breath, decide to move past my hurt feelings, and go on as if everything is ok. Hopefully, the bump in the road will soon disappear into the past. If she is anything like me, sometimes under prolonged
> 
> stress I can seem fine, present well, while underneath I am a broken bag of toys. She may be fairly oblivious to anyone's feelings but her immediate concerns. It does not mean she does not love you, just overloaded. Perhaps she took a months space to destress. Hugs.



Thank you,for noticing that she was not the only one hurt.it says a lot about you.




Phil,YOU rock!

Hahhaha. What a song.


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## hollydolly (Feb 4, 2016)

Vicky, can I ask a question....do you think your friend (given that she already knew her son was sick anyway and was probably very worried ) and was suffering medical issues of her own on top....just felt aggrieved when receiving your text realising that her own husband had informed you _first _about her son..instead of telling_ her_..and she's received the message about her own son second hand.albeit from her best friend. Do you think that perhaps bearing all that in mind, she shot the messenger in her angst? 

You sound like a caring friend, but I really do think you need to let this go, and just text her back as you would normally, and not refer to it again to her!!


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## vickyNightowl (Feb 4, 2016)

No,I think this is how they do things,they just didn't want to freak her out until they knew exacly what is going on,I saw it as if it was my kid I would want to be there with him,he is only 22 and he was texting me from the hospital all day,he was alone.

Thank you holly, the good thing is that he is ok.


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## FazeFour (Feb 4, 2016)

hollydolly said:


> You sound like a caring friend, but I really do think you need to let this go, and just text her back as you would normally, and not refer to it again to her!!



I agree. It's precisely what I would do.


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## Babsinbloom65 (Feb 4, 2016)

vickyNightowl said:


> I need opinions.
> 
> My best friend,who is like a sister to me,has been having some medcal issuess.
> I love her dearly,even though she is old school and I am not,we respect each other.
> ...



Since I don't know your friend like you do, I can only share my personal feelings about what you have posted. You said your friend and you are basically very different people even though you love her just the way she is. It sounds to me like she needed that month to deal with what was happening with her son and now that things have balanced out again for her she has made the first move by texting you: "Hey stranger, how are you? I miss you." Alot of times when we are overwhelmed by something it takes a while to get back to normal. And often when we are overwhelmed we don't realize what we say or do at that moment in time. Your friend seems to have made a move to let you know you are missed. Can you let go of your hurt that she probably doesn't even realize she made you feel...and just get on with your friendship? It sounds like you have missed her too.


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## Linda (Feb 4, 2016)

Vicky to me best friends ARE like family.  I would have texted her like you did.  What if you hadn't and she got mad as hell at you for knowing and not letting her know?  I guess I disagree with almost everyone here.  I would answer today's text with something like "Do you want to just be surface friends or do you want to be close and share things?"  I don't care how sick or stressed out I am, if someone kept something from me about one of my kids I would never consider them a close friend again.  Not to mention the husband here who wasn't telling his wife the news.  But that's a different story.   And if that is the way it is in their family, then I guess I'd just drop her as a friend.  I like to have friends who play by the same rules I do.  I have been thinking since I posted this and if your friend is a surgeon and you texted her just before she went in to operate on someone, maybe you should have waited awhile.


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## vickyNightowl (Feb 4, 2016)

Thank you guys,it helps to read other opinions


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## Ken N Tx (Feb 5, 2016)

IMHO....Texting is the problem..CALL HER!!


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## Babsinbloom65 (Feb 5, 2016)

Linda said:


> Vicky to me best friends ARE like family.  I would have texted her like you did.  What if you hadn't and she got mad as hell at you for knowing and not letting her know?  I guess I disagree with almost everyone here.  I would answer today's text with something like "Do you want to just be surface friends or do you want to be close and share things?"  I don't care how sick or stressed out I am, if someone kept something from me about one of my kids I would never consider them a close friend again.  Not to mention the husband here who wasn't telling his wife the news.  But that's a different story.   And if that is the way it is in their family, then I guess I'd just drop her as a friend.  I like to have friends who play by the same rules I do.  I have been thinking since I posted this and if your friend is a surgeon and you texted her just before she went in to operate on someone, maybe you should have waited awhile.



Friends are like family to me too...but even family has disagreements and hurt feelings at times. And I wouldn't throw away my family or drop them from my life just because we don't see eye to eye or behave the way we think they should at times. I'm not perfect so I don't feel like I have the right to think anyone else has to be either.


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## AprilSun (Feb 5, 2016)

vickyNightowl said:


> I don't know if I should just let it go like it didn't happen ot talk to her abouut it,I know ii have changed though.
> 
> -vicky



I would chalk it up as a "learning experience" and go on as if nothing has happened. If you talk about it to her, since you both don't see "eye to eye", it could make matters worse. You may need to decide which is more important, your hurt feelings or your friendship with her. Give yourself time, and the hurt feelings will heal.


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## nitelite (Feb 15, 2016)

Vicky, Stress can cause many bizarre reactions. Since she has reached out to you I would try and pick up where you left off before this all happened. If you are true friends it'll work itself out.


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## vickyNightowl (Feb 15, 2016)

Thank you for everyones input.it did help me.

Update: I replied to her text.

I realised that when you love someone ,it should be unconditiional and not expect anything back.


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