# You've been shunned by your child, do you require explanation?



## grahamg (Aug 24, 2021)

My way of dealing with life, especially concerning my own child, (who as many know I've been alienated from for many years), would be to try very hard not to bear any grudges, nor expect even an explanation as to the treatment I've received from my daughter.

I think its true to say I loved her as much as I possibly could, and yet twenty years on since I had any real contact with her, I'm treated as a leper, and know as well as it can be known, this treatment metered out by my daughter, is all I can expect.

However, five or so years ago, without explanation I was permitted to be present during one fairly short visit to another family members house. It occurs to me now, (at long last you could say), I should not have trusted her motives for allowing this, and before agreeing to be present, I should have asked, "why, having been shunned for so long, the sudden, unexpected change"?

Do you agree, it simply isn't wise to trust even your own child, in these circumstances?


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## Pepper (Aug 24, 2021)

"However, five or so years ago, without explanation I was permitted to be present during one fairly short visit to another family members house. It occurs to me now, (at long last you could say), I should not have trusted her motives for allowing this, and before agreeing to be present, I should have asked, "why, having been shunned for so long, the sudden, unexpected change"?"

Can you give more information about this incident, please?


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## Gary O' (Aug 24, 2021)

You've been shunned by your child, do you require explanation?​
grahammy, I can only relate to my own situation

I'd welcome the reprieve 

As much as I've ignored them, and hid, they seem to find me
Sure, I love 'em.......long distance

As for your circumstance? 
Seems a rumor mill is in full operation
I'd live an exemplary life
Let that speak for me

A daughter, one with a working brain, will come around

I'd attend an invite, but not give one word of credence to any situation 
Polite chats
Nibble food
Sip drinks
Ta Ta


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## Mr. Ed (Aug 24, 2021)

What do you want to do about your relationship with your daughter? Do you want to try to connect with your daughter? Interestingly, would your recent court proceedings have anything to do with your daughter's sudden interests in you?


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## Aunt Bea (Aug 24, 2021)

IMO it’s not about her it’s about you.

You can’t control your family’s behavior or recollections of the past but you have complete control over your behavior.

I agree with Gary.

Keep the door open by accepting the invitation.

Keep it light and enjoy yourself without delving into the past or turning it into a family therapy session.

Good luck to you and your family.


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## Jules (Aug 24, 2021)

Did something bad arise from the short family meeting you went to?  

Are you invited to something else now?


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## Sassycakes (Aug 24, 2021)

Over a year ago my son turned against me, my husband, and our daughter. Up until then we had been helping him finnacially through his divorce. My daughter even had him and his girlfriend and her kids over for dinner a lot and his 2 boys would be there also. All of a sudden he got annoyed that we still talked to his ex-wife. I told him if we didn't keep in touch with her it would hurt my grandsons. I called him after not hearing from him for weeks. I didn't get an answer and we did some searching and found out he moved to Las Vegas from Philadelphia. The divorce was his fault and his ex raised the 2 young boys to become wonderful young men on her own. When my daughter and her family had the covid he didn't even call her. It's heartbreaking , but there isn't anything we can do.


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## Irwin (Aug 24, 2021)

I cut off all contact with my mother and my sister almost 20 years ago. I was tired of all the dishonesty and nastiness.


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## Remy (Aug 24, 2021)

On the forum I go to for children who were abused, there are a number of people who have gone "no contact" with abusing parent and often also the enabler spouse, also referred to as a co-abuser.

Had I ever gone no contact with my mother and told her the reason, she would have denied it all. This appears to be common with borderline personality disorder. This is just my experience.


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## Irwin (Aug 24, 2021)

Remy said:


> On the forum I go to for children who were abused, there are a number of people who have gone "no contact" with abusing parent and often also the enabler spouse, also referred to as a co-abuser.
> 
> Had I ever gone no contact with my mother and told her the reason, she would have denied it all. This appears to be common with borderline personality disorder. This is just my experience.


My mother probably had BPD. She definitely fits the profile. She was probably a sociopath, too, considering some of the things she did. And like your mother, she denied it all.


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## Shero (Aug 24, 2021)

To be shunned by a child is indeed very sad and only you know why that is. My advice for what it is worth, is to keep any line of communication open.


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## grahamg (Aug 24, 2021)

Mr. Ed said:


> What do you want to do about your relationship with your daughter? Do you want to try to connect with your daughter? Interestingly, would your recent court proceedings have anything to do with your daughter's sudden interests in you?


No, none, or at least not unless the fact my daughter has declined an invitation to provide a statement as to what happened on the day she brought her first child (aged 6 months) and her husband to visit her grandfather, (the last day she choose to visit him before he died, eighteen months later).


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## grahamg (Aug 24, 2021)

Irwin said:


> I cut off all contact with my mother and my sister almost 20 years ago. I was tired of all the dishonesty and nastiness.


In those circumstances it would be very hard to critise anyone doing as you did, because honesty is very important, (whilst accepting that even very honest people, like my own mother, might sometimes mislead you a bit, or simply not know what they're doing themselves, and can be forgiven for that fault of course).


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## grahamg (Aug 24, 2021)

Shero said:


> To be shunned by a child is indeed very sad and only you know why that is. My advice for what it is worth, is to keep any line of communication open.


Good advice, and many friends have said similar things, (a few people, who I didn't know well, have said the complete opposite however, and declared any child treating them as my daughter has treated me, would be out of the picture for good!).


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## grahamg (Aug 24, 2021)

Jules said:


> Did something bad arise from the short family meeting you went to?
> 
> Are you invited to something else now?


No, (same answer to your second question too, and I hope my responds above explain the circumstances better).


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## grahamg (Aug 24, 2021)

Gary O' said:


> You've been shunned by your child, do you require explanation? grahammy, I can only relate to my own situation, I'd welcome the reprieve. As much as I've ignored them, and hid, they seem to find me. Sure, I love 'em.......long distance. As for your circumstance?
> Seems a rumor mill is in full operation. I'd live an exemplary life
> Let that speak for me. A daughter, one with a working brain, will come around
> I'd attend an invite, but not give one word of credence to any situation
> Polite chats. Nibble food. Sip drinks. Ta Ta


I like your response, (as ever!).


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## Mr. Ed (Aug 25, 2021)

grahamg; I hope for the best for you in all of your endeavors and circumstances. From what I have gathered since I joined SF it seems all of us are here for support and friendship and we do that well.


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## Judycat (Aug 25, 2021)

Children grow up and leave. Be thankful for any contact no matter how rare, but live your own life.


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## grahamg (Aug 25, 2021)

Judycat said:


> Children grow up and leave. Be thankful for any contact no matter how rare, but live your own life.


You've got to understand the pursuit of ruthless self interest if you are to get an inkling into what has gone on here, and who exactly might be thinking that way, (I've behaved as you suggest for far too long, and very foolishly I now believe).

Thanks for telling me to "live your own life", (I wont pretend to know whether you follow this maxim well enough, so cant tell you to in return, but I will presume you do ).


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## Don M. (Aug 25, 2021)

I've seen a couple of cases where parents and their children became a bit hostile to each other.  I don't know what leads up to these kinds of problems.   Insofar as we and our kids are concerned....we try to stay out of their lives, and only offer any advise if/when asked.  As a result, we maintain a cordial relationship.


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## Irwin (Aug 25, 2021)

grahamg said:


> In those circumstances it would be very hard to critise anyone doing as you did, because honesty is very important, (whilst accepting that even very honest people, like my own mother, might sometimes mislead you a bit, or simply not know what they're doing themselves, and can be forgiven for that fault of course).


The really sad thing is, I could have forgiven her if she just apologized and been honest about it, but she just lied even more. Lying is a sign of disrespect. It was at that point that I cut off all contact.


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## Remy (Aug 25, 2021)

Irwin said:


> My mother probably had BPD. She definitely fits the profile. She was probably a sociopath, too, considering some of the things she did. And like your mother, she denied it all.


Irwin, I'm so sorry. I know what this does to a child. And speaking for myself, it's effected my entire life.


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## peramangkelder (Aug 25, 2021)

Irwin said:


> I cut off all contact with my mother and my sister almost 20 years ago. I was tired of all the dishonesty and nastiness.


Similar for me too @Irwin Mum, my sister and my 2 adult children seem to make
dishonesty their life's work


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## Judycat (Aug 25, 2021)

grahamg said:


> You've got to understand the pursuit of ruthless self interest if you are to get an inkling into what has gone on here, and who exactly might be thinking that way, (I've behaved as you suggest for far too long, and very foolishly I now believe).
> 
> Thanks for telling me to "live your own life", (I wont pretend to know whether you follow this maxim well enough, so cant tell you to in return, but I will presume you do ).


So what's your next move? Stalking? Daily phone calls? Visiting her at her job and holding her boss at gunpoint? These will definitely get you an appointment with a judge and maybe some jail time.


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## grahamg (Aug 25, 2021)

Judycat said:


> So what's your next move? Stalking? Daily phone calls? Visiting her at her job and holding her boss at gunpoint? These will definitely get you an appointment with a judge and maybe some jail time.


I think you're assuming wayyyy too much about my character there.

I've had my daughter's address for about two years, and never once attempted to even go past her house, though I visit the city a few times a year, (I've had her mobile number for five or more years, and not sent a text, let alone telephoned, since the visit described in the OP.

As a "super sleuth" therefore, I'd say you've a bit to learn, (ditto amateur psychologist), and I couldn't see a lawyer in the Perry Mason mould, hiring you like Paul Drake anytime soon!


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## Judycat (Aug 25, 2021)

grahamg said:


> I think you're assuming wayyyy too much about my character there.
> 
> I've had my daughter's address for about two years, and never once attempted to even go past her house, though I visit the city a few times a year, (I've had her mobile number for five or more years, and not sent a text, let alone telephoned, since the visit described in the OP.
> 
> As a "super sleuth" therefore, I'd say you've a bit to learn, (ditto amateur psychologist), and I couldn't see a lawyer in the Perry Mason mould, hiring you like Paul Drake anytime soon!


 Ya right.


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## grahamg (Aug 25, 2021)

Aunt Bea said:


> IMO it’s not about her it’s about you. You can’t control your family’s behavior or recollections of the past but you have complete control over your behavior.
> I agree with Gary. Keep the door open by accepting the invitation. Keep it light and enjoy yourself without delving into the past or turning it into a family therapy session. Good luck to you and your family.


I agree with Gary too, though not so much with your interpretation of his comments, (as I see your views/thoughts).

Maybe I read too much into his "Ta Ta" comment at the end(?).


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## grahamg (Aug 25, 2021)

Shero said:


> To be shunned by a child is indeed very sad and only you know why that is. My advice for what it is worth, is to keep any line of communication open.


I hope you don't mind my telling you about a couple of people I've met who had different perspectives on all this.

Both were women, one estranged from her child due to the influence of the father following divorce she said, and only when the father died did her child get back in touch with her, and then behaved as though there had never been anything wrong between them.

The second story was very strange in my view, involving a woman whose mother had sadly died when she was about ten years old, and her dad had married again to a woman with three children of her own.

The woman told me her father refused to speak to her at all, once he'd remarried, and this situation went on for years, with this teenager being shunned, (or sent to Coventry, if you understand the expression?). The only possible explanation I, or anyone else could think of for the fathers behaviour, was an extreme example of trying to make sure he didn't favour his own child over the stepchildren.

She suffered a very difficult time as a teenager, as I'm sure you can imagine, and said it had affected her all her life.


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## Lee (Aug 25, 2021)

Graham, acceptance of the situation is key here. It sounds as if it is so deep rooted in the past that the future looks grim.

But I hope that some day that will change. Maybe it will, maybe it won't but whatever it is just accept it as that being the way it is going to be.

Not trying to be harsh, just practical.


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## grahamg (Aug 25, 2021)

Lee said:


> Graham, acceptance of the situation is key here. It sounds as if it is so deep rooted in the past that the future looks grim. But I hope that some day that will change. Maybe it will, maybe it won't but whatever it is just accept it as that being the way it is going to be. Not trying to be harsh, just practical.


How often do we hear today, "I don't want anyone to go through what I've been through", (as though everything in life could be made better, just by a change in the law in the manner desired, or whatever)?
In my tin pot way I'd like to see a modest change in the law whereby decent patents in the UK were permitted some legal rights,  (or statute law rights, as opposed to " Common law rights").


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## Tish (Aug 25, 2021)

Graham if you do not mind me asking, what exactly happened at that meeting?
It is so difficult not to leap at the chance of reconciliation, that being said, your suspicions can be pushed to one side, as the desperation of the child you have loved and raised is extending an olive branch.
The position you are in sounds very toxic to me. Please forgive me for jumping to this conclusion.( no harm meant)


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## grahamg (Aug 25, 2021)

Tish said:


> Graham if you do not mind me asking, what exactly happened at that meeting?
> It is so difficult not to leap at the chance of reconciliation, that being said, your suspicions can be pushed to one side, as the desperation of the child you have loved and raised is extending an olive branch.
> The position you are in sounds very toxic to me. Please forgive me for jumping to this conclusion.( no harm meant)


If you can possibly accept the situation I'm in is similar to the one I described above, (not the very strange one of the woman being sent to Coventry by her father, perhaps at the request of his new wife/partner, the other one), then the discussion we might have could go somewhere.
There was once evidence to back this up, (my parents being told it was the case, my child telling them when aged twenty one that her mother and stepdad  were the reason she didn't see me, and she had to live there with them).

Btw I once heard a child protection officer, a woman heavily involved in the false allegations made against parents in the Shetland Islands, say "Do you want me to believe those children lied"? 

This was when twenty years on from the events those very children who had made up stories, (who were now grown ups), were saying just that, they said "they'd made up stories of ritual abuse against their parents, just to stop professionals like her asking them questions", (or as the only way to stop the incessant questions).

When I try to assert what happened over my child I meet somewhat similar resistance to listen to me by some, albeit on a much smaller scale, or to a much lesser degree, and without the dreadful repercussions that occurred on Shetland thirty odd years ago!


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## Nathan (Aug 25, 2021)

grahamg said:


> You've been shunned by your child, do you require explanation?


Perhaps your child is"punishing" you?  That seems to be the case with my estranged adopted daughter.   I've been punished enough over the last 25 years, and consider it to be her problem, not mine.    Sure, it still hurts, but such matters are out of my control.

If she ever wished to reconcile with me, she knows how to contact me...


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## grahamg (Aug 25, 2021)

Nathan said:


> Perhaps your child is"punishing" you?  That seems to be the case with my estranged adopted daughter.   I've been punished enough over the last 25 years, and consider it to be her problem, not mine.    Sure, it still hurts, but such matters are out of my control.
> If she ever wished to reconcile with me, she knows how to contact me...


Undoubtedly so, and here's an irony in all this, she'd never have had the ten or so years of loving contact and care I was able to give her, and she clung to believe me, if i hadn't believed the courts would back me if I needed them to, (as they did when she was young, and under pre 1989 Children's Act legislation).


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## grahamg (Aug 26, 2021)

I just thought, before anyone else posts any points of view, I'd throw in a couple more anecdotes, and see if they take the thread anywhere, (should the thread not have run its course!).

I'm right now watching a very old, black and white film called "Tom Brown's schooldays", (filmed and/or released in 1940). I've seen the film many times before, often missing the start unfortunately, and for those unfamiliar with the film, the new headmaster tries to instill his thinking and impose his will on Rugby school, one of the great schools in this country to this day.

The headmaster's will is to emphasise the need for honesty and integrity to be shown by everyone at the school, in order that the boys educated theatre can go on to be just leaders and citizens of our country etc.

Now the point of mentioning this film on a thread supposed to be about whether or not a parent should ask for an explanation from their child who has shunned them for a long period.

My point is this, in bringing up our children, (accepting those of us who are nonresident parents, when we're divorced or separated, have limited influence), how much do we try to instill in our children the need to be honest in life?

Here is an anecdote on lying, or you could say, "misleading" others. 

On one occasion, as I'd just picked up my child during a fortnightly visit, I was told that they wouldn't speak to me, (can't remember why, if there was a reason?). Anyway, hours went by, and no matter what I tried my child didn't change their mind, and the will power necessary to keep silent was certainly impressive, and had me foxed as to what I should do.

The solution presented itself however, as my parents had gone to my brothers farm for Sunday lunch, and we followed them, once we'd learned of my parents going there. My child was then sat amongst my brothers five children at the table, and try as much as they like, eventually my child relented and everything returned to normal, and spoke to the cousins and enjoyed the fun being had.

Alls well that ends well you're thinking, however you've jumped to conclusions, because what happened on this day formed part of the arguments put forward to the courts, in order to justify my exclusion from my child's life. My child's stepfather mentioned it in his statement, (one of seven statements submitted, including two written by librarian friends of his who I'd never met, but claimed to have insight to impart because they'd witnessed my child's behaviour after a contact visit with me). The stepfather stated I'd refused to speak to my child for hours on the day in question, and I was responsible for this happening, and it was cruel on my part etc.

How had he formed this opinion, (if he hadn't misconstrued everything by himself?)?

I imagine one quite likely reason could be my child was "economical with the truth", when returning to her home, and suggested I'd not spoken to them by my own volition, not because I couldn't think of a way to pursuade my child from maintaining their silence.

One anecdote doesn't amount to much, but I want to say something now about the fathers rights movement, including the groups I've marched with, and this is no secret, hence complete truth you could say! On their websites you will read fathers being advised to accept those accusing them of abusing or mistreating their children are telling the truth in order to get them through the legal process, so long as doing so means they then get the contact order to see their children, (odd as that might sound). 

Fighting against unjust accusations being seen as an unfortunate way of delaying the process, as it takes time to unravel who has been lying.

What a state of affairs, that the only outcome offered to these fathers in order to keep in contact with their children is to lie about themselves, (so cynical are the fathers rights groups about the kind of " justice" metered out by our family courts in the UK).


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## Tish (Aug 26, 2021)

I have to ask, how old is your daughter?


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## Shero (Aug 26, 2021)

grahamg said:


> I hope you don't mind my telling you about a couple of people I've met who had different perspectives on all this.
> 
> Both were women, one estranged from her child due to the influence of the father following divorce she said, and only when the father died did her child get back in touch with her, and then behaved as though there had never been anything wrong between them.
> 
> ...



Aloha grahamg, I do not mind at all. Those two people you mentioned are hurting and what they say to you will be based on their own experiences.There is a saying in the islands which is: “children always begin at the foundation”. You are the foundation, your daughter is half you, so if you shun her, you shun yourself. 

You say you had her address and mobile no. for a long time. Yet you never contacted her. This must be very hard for you as it would be for any parent. I am wondering if it might have crossed her mind that you should have tried to at least, send her a text? I can understand you wishing to respect her privacy. May I ask how you got her mobile no? If she did not give it to you herself, then you did the right thing by not using it. 

I will not tell you what to do, but would suggest if there is a close family member or friend you feel you can trust, what about giving them_ your_ mobile no. and asking them to pass it on. After that, you have two choices as I see it (a) you completely shun her (which I would never recommend) or (b) you sit on the shore and wait for the tide to turn (that I recommend). 
You appear a loving father and a shame you are going through this, but hang in there, the wind can change at any time.

pōmaikaʻi (good luck)


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## grahamg (Aug 26, 2021)

Shero said:


> Aloha grahamg, I do not mind at all. Those two people you mentioned are hurting and what they say to you will be based on their own experiences.There is a saying in the islands which is: “children always begin at the foundation”. You are the foundation, your daughter is half you, so if you shun her, you shun yourself.
> 
> You say you had her address and mobile no. for a long time. Yet you never contacted her. This must be very hard for you as it would be for any parent. I am wondering if it might have crossed her mind that you should have tried to at least, send her a text? I can understand you wishing to respect her privacy. May I ask how you got her mobile no? If she did not give it to you herself, then you did the right thing by not using it.
> 
> ...


All the avenues you've kindly suggested have been well and truly worn out, so sorry to be negative about things, it just won't work that way, (nor I guess will anything work, with the possible exception of the change mentioned in the life of one of those two women I described).

It bores people when anyone mentions statistics, but here in the UK a survey has found a third of a million children are saying they are unhappy with their lives, (my daughter could never have said that I'm glad to say). How many of those third of a million have contact with their fathers the radio report did not say, and if they did have contact with their fathers no one can guarantee it would make them happier.

However, my argument remains this, "Once you undermine fathers involvement in their children's lives, to the extent that many don't believe they will be supported by the family courts, (should they approach a court for assistance), this loss of faith will have consequences, some of them harmful to the children involved, whether anyone likes it or not"!

You can't put Humpty Dumpty together again, once you've undermined fathers in the way I keep trying to describe, (and others keep telling me not to mention and "get on with my own life"!).


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## grahamg (Aug 26, 2021)

Tish said:


> I have to ask, how old is your daughter?


Old enough to know shunning and sometimes vilifying a decent parent/father is poor behaviour on her part.


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## grahamg (Aug 27, 2021)

Here are a few links to articles on parenting, and quotes:

https://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/parenting/5-ways-to-show-respect-for-your-child

(author bit of a know all in my humble opinion, here are some career details, "Nationally recognized parenting expert Amy McCready is the Founder of Positive Parenting Solutions..... As a “recovering yeller” and a Certified Positive Discipline Instructor, Amy is a champion of positive parenting techniques for happier families and well-behaved kids. Amy is a TODAY Show contributor and has been featured on CBS This Morning, CNN, Fox & Friends, MSNBC, Rachael Ray, Steve Harvey & others. In her most important role, she is the proud mom of two amazing young men). 

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/respect/

Quote:
"Whether it’s talking back, having an attitude, or refusing to listen, disrespect is often at the top of the problem list parents bring to my office. I typically search for ways to move disrespect down the list.
*VALUING PEOPLE OR VALUING POWER?*​It’s difficult to suggest putting the topic off until later because respect is very important. However, we parents too often fall into demanding respect and forcing children to comply. With threats, punishment, shaming, bribes, and rewards, we use various forms of our power to get kids to respect authority. Our success has been our downfall. We’ve unwittingly taught kids to respect the power and control of authority, losing sight of the more important goal of respecting relationships and respecting each other as individuals."


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## grahamg (Aug 27, 2021)

Carrying out the search above I came across this guys views I'd endorse 100% I think, (its a bit confusing because he's answering the person who asked the questions he's addressed in turn at the end):

"I’m sure you don’t realize it, but you are dealing with several separate structures of authority here, rather than one single one, and that is the cause of your consternation and confusion.

There are always AT LEAST two reasons to respect other people. One reason for the fact that they are people, due at least as much respect as you are, and the other is because of whatever status or position they hold.

Your parents are due respect both as other human beings, and they are also due a different kind of respect because they are your parents. In addition to that, chances are good that at least while you are living with them, they also hold the status of owners of the household, which is yet again another position due respect in other ways.

Although you will often hear people say that “respect must be earned,” most people who do say so out loud, actually don’t know what they are talking about. Quite literally, don’t know. Because it is true that SOME kinds of respect must be earned, but it is not true that ALL kinds of respect must be earned.

And in addition, when it comes to “losing respect,” things get complicated as well. At no time, can you ever say that someone should lose the respect they deserve simply for being a fellow human being. Never. Someone might lose respect for being an HONEST human being, but that is a separate kind of respect again.

Another confusion you may have, is with what the term “respect” actually means in each situation you mention. Because it is unfortunately true, that most people speak fairly sloppily, and use terms such as “respect” incorrectly, thus making for even more confusion.

One of the most common ways where people misapply the term “respect,” is when it comes to areas of cooperation or obedience. Many people say “you must show respect,” when what they really ought to say is “you must obey,” and so many people, especially children, get the idea that respect is all about one person having power over another. This is extra annoying, because one of the primary implied meanings of the word “respect,” is “look up to and think highly of,” which doesn’t always fit in with situations where a person must submit to authorities with whom they disagree.

So. My simplified answers to your questions, in light of all that, are:

Q: “Why does everyone just assume that parents deserve respect?”

A: They don’t. They are just sloppy about telling you that you must respect your parents STATUS as your parents, as a part of the structure of society. They don’t “deserve” that, it comes with the job, so to speak. It’s like the fact that you don’t DESERVE to have whatever eye color you do: you just have it.

Q: “ Aren't you supposed to respect to be respected?”

A: No. Each kind of respect is entirely separate from the other kind. If someone SHOULD respect you, but they do not, that doesn’t mean that you should not respect them, as a sort of punishment or revenge. It means instead that you need to deal with them differently than you would with people who DO show you the correct respect. This is a part of the overall idea that if it is wrong to be disrespectful, it is wrong to be so whether someone else is or not. Just as if it is wrong to steal, it is wrong to steal even from a thief.

Q: “What should you do if your parents don't respect you, but think they deserve your respect?”

A: This is not possible to answer without knowing the details, especially since I can’t tell whether you have used the term “respect” correctly and consistently here. It may or may not be true, that your parents are behaving inconsistently with you. But having been both a child and a parent, I know first hand, that many times, this sort of thing is a matter of the details, and is more often misunderstood, than is correctly understood. Again, see the above description of how sloppy most people are about word usages.

Q: “Also, does respect mean obey everything they say?”

A: No, and yes. Again, there is more than one meaning to the word respect involved, but even more to the point, the reasons why you must obey, most of the time, isn’t connected to respect of the “looking up to them” kind, it is connected to the respect of the role that the parents play in your life.

It’s the same as a relationship with an external authority, such as a teacher, or an employer. You don’t have to “respect” your boss or your instructor as a human being, before you have to obey their instructions to you. The two things have nothing to do with each other."

https://www.quora.com/Why-does-ever...so-does-respect-mean-obey-everything-they-say


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## grahamg (Aug 29, 2021)

The placard I used on a similar thread should go in this one too I think:


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