# Question for the ladies



## Amethyst1 (May 24, 2014)

Do you think it is appropriate for an unmarried man to exchange
friendly emails (nothing romantic) with a married woman who is
acqaintiance only? Both these women know that I like them
and have some feelings for them as well. I have not seen either one
for a long time,and have no other communication. I just want to keep in touch,
that's all! 
   Is this inappropriate? One of them said she was uncomfortable with
communicating with me-. I don't know what that means,
exactly. I have no plans to write either one, not even to say
happy memorial day.


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## SeaBreeze (May 24, 2014)

In my opinion, no.  It is not appropriate to communicate with a woman in a married relationship that you like and have feelings for.  "Friendly" emails from other men make women who are in love and devoted to their husbands, feel uncomfortable, because it's not right, and doesn't sit well on the conscience.  I personally would not allow another man that was interested in me to have contact with me, and my husband wouldn't allow it with a woman either.  I would recommend that you don't "keep in touch" with married women, there are many single ones around who can make good friends.


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## Warrigal (May 24, 2014)

SeaBreeze said:


> In my opinion, no.  It is not appropriate to communicate with a woman in a married relationship that you like and have feelings for.  "Friendly" emails from other men make women who are in love and devoted to their husbands, feel uncomfortable, because it's not right, and doesn't sit well on the conscience.  I personally would not allow another man that was interested in me to have contact with me, and my husband wouldn't allow it with a woman either.  I would recommend that you don't "keep in touch" with married women, there are many single ones around who can make good friends.



What Seabreeze said. If you have feelings they will be apparent and this is what is causing the disquiet.
As a married woman I have been very firm about telling one man, who I'm sure only wanted to be friendly, to back off when he requested my personal email. IMO that was a boundary I didn't want crossed.


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## i_am_Lois (May 24, 2014)

I married my current husband 9 years ago. He was single for many years prior to our meeting. He dated many women. He's a sweet, friendly guy who maintained a friendship with 3 of those women after they stopped dating. When we married, we discussed his lady friends. I am not the jealous type, I trust him, and have no problem with his emailing any of his friends, be they male or female. Two of these women he previously dated and maintains a friendship with, have visited and stayed with us here in Florida. 

But I would never correspond with any man I ever dated or thought had any feelings for me. My attentions are focused completely on my husband. I want to have a good marriage. I know myself very well. On a day to day basis, marriage can have a few 'bad' days thrown in here and there. If I had someone readily available, someone I felt close to, it would be too tempting to 'cry on their shoulder'. This could take a strictly friendship relationship in a new direction. Women possess a much higher emotional level than men. At least that's been true in my case. Too often I can act impulsively when my emotions run high. And those are always the times I've later come to regret my actions. I don't need such temptations.


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## Bettyann (May 24, 2014)

So there are 'two' married women you are talking about?... not just the one who feels uncomfortable, right? In so far as that one goes, respect the fact that she feels uncomfortable, wish her well, and do not put her in the situation where she has to just upfront tell you 'leave me alone, please' ... She is being kind to you, so just respect that.... and the other one?

Now if you were really old, way-back friends that might be different. But your saying 'having feelings' implies more than just ordinary 'hello how are ya' type friends. You maybe need to  question _why _it is so important to you to 'keep in touch' with them... maybe you are hoping you still might have an 'outside chance' ...?? By writing this  question it says to me that maybe you are looking for 'validation' from people for going ahead and acting on these 'feelings?' 

How would you TRULY and _honestly _feel if you had a wife and some man that you knew had feelings for her wanted to keep in touch? Don't be too quick to say 'oh it would be ok, I would trust her'... that 'sounds good'... but I think you know what I mean. 

I am pretty sure there are some nice UNattached women out there who would love the chance to meet you... give them a chance.  Chances are you are a really nice guy who deserves an unattached woman's attention! Good luck to you!


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## Amethyst1 (May 26, 2014)

Thanks for the thoughtful answers. I am not surprised at them. Maybe I already knew. The one woman is half my age and would not even
accept my invite to LinkedIn and the other one (who is close to my age) has been very firm, now that we no longer work together. "Feelings" is understating it!
More like Adore. These are remnants of my past. I no longer date.


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## Lynda (May 28, 2014)

Of course you already knew.  You just wanted someone to tell you it was okay.  Get over the "feelings" and start making honest friends.  They will outlast the "feelings" every time.


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## CPA-Kim (May 28, 2014)

There are enough single women out there that you shouldn't need to e-mail married women.


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## Ruthi (Jun 12, 2014)

I have had online male friends and my husband knows about them.  He also has met some of the men I went to school with eons ago. (well, it seems that long) He knows how much I love him and depend on him and that is what counts. He is a very intelligent man and we have been married since 1979 and have had many fine adventures together, and have had many hard times and know where we stand.  We accept people as people. That's what is important.


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## Ruth (Jun 12, 2014)

CPA-Kim said:


> There are enough single women out there that you shouldn't need to e-mail married women.



This.

Hi, Ruthi. Our names are similar!


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## Ruthi (Jun 12, 2014)

Hello Ruth, but looking at your avatar, you are younger. I see we live on opposite coasts. Neat.


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## Amethyst1 (Jun 13, 2014)

It turns out that one of these women I mentioned (most important to me) left her job so now I cannot
even email her, ever. I don't have her personal email, and even if I did,I'm sure she would hate that.
That was the final disconnection.


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## Phantom (Jun 13, 2014)

I had a married female email friend
We had each others home address and phone number.(my wife used to email her too) We exchanges Christmas presents.I am in Australia and she was in UK (Essex)
   Then suddenly all correspondence ceased for some reason.I suspect her husband put his foot down.Such a shame as she was a great help to me when I first got a computer.


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## Ina (Jun 13, 2014)

Some men are not as secure as you are Phantom. I feel sorry for his wife. SAD


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## Ruthi (Jun 13, 2014)

Phantom said:


> I had a married female email friend
> We had each others home address and phone number.(my wife used to email her too) We exchanges Christmas presents.I am in Australia and she was in UK (Essex)
> Then suddenly all correspondence ceased for some reason.I suspect her husband put his foot down.Such a shame as she was a great help to me when I first got a computer.



My husband would put his foot down also and I wouldn't blame him. It's one thing having a male friend, but it's another having a male friend and exchange address and phone number and presents.  I wouldn't care for it if my husband had a female friend he became that close with.  Computer help and just friends is good enough IMO.


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## Vega_Lyra (Mar 5, 2017)

I totally agree with you, SeaBreeze.:angel:


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## Aurora (Mar 6, 2017)

Does anyone care about the feelings of amethyst?


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## Falcon (Mar 6, 2017)

NO!  Not  really. 

Why do people dredge up old threads?    This one is 3 years old !   zzzzzzzzzzzzz


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