# Our changing thoughts on possessions



## bowmore (Mar 7, 2021)

Getting rid of multiple large dumpsters worth of a hoarder's stuff after death has taught a lot about possessions in later life, as well as what someone convinces themselves that their kids will want.  It was a window we could only glimpse

There was an article about a woman whose business is getting rid of crap after someone dies.  Her point was, NO ONE wants all this junk that people think has financial value or will be family heirlooms.  If you want to do them a favor, get rid of all of it now.  Better to put it out into the world where it has a better chance of finding a home, landfill, or someone elses pile of junk than foisting it on your descendants to deal with.  Even if some things have some emotional value, take pictures of them and put them in an album before you dispose of it.
I have heard about it in our park, where someone died and they found a pile  of unopened packages from QVC in her home.
Harsh but pretty wise, from what a lot of people have seen


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## MarciKS (Mar 7, 2021)

Kids can't fight over it and then it's not gonna cause them more time and grief going through it.


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## Don M. (Mar 7, 2021)

As we age, getting rid of the "excess" becomes more important.  Through this Winter, I've taken an "inventory" of all the stuff I have, and what I really don't need.  I've started selling an item on EBAY, nearly every week, and plan to keep on doing so.  I'm surprised at the value some of this stuff brings....and how worthless some of it really is.


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## SetWave (Mar 7, 2021)

I have a serious problem with emotional attachment to every piece of dust . . .


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## MrPants (Mar 7, 2021)

I've had to 'purge' an entire house twice and it's not something I care to do again. I did my sister's house some years ago as she had made me executor of her estate, unknown to me, and then I had to do it again with my mother's house last October. I soon learned to divide things into 4 piles: keep for relatives (smallest pile); donate, auction for $$ & toss in the garbage. Once you set up a system like that, it goes pretty smoothly but it is a lot of work and not just physically but mentally as well having to coordinate multiple things all at once and under a time constraint.

As @Don M. said, it's always amazing what stuff is worth to others. It's rarely what you would think! I've had some crap stuff that I would have tossed out that has sold for hundreds at auction and put stuff up at auction that I thought was worth hundreds and it sold for just a few bucks - go figure!


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## Judycat (Mar 7, 2021)

I don't have the energy or motivation to get rid of my stuff. I don't care about it, it's just the job feels monumental. I'm sure many senior people feel the same way and pass away while expecting to do something about it someday.


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## officerripley (Mar 7, 2021)

Getting rid of a lot of stuff also makes it easier to downsize where you live to something smaller and better for you as you age even further. (If you can get your partner to agree to move at all, though; some of us can't, sigh.)


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## Jeweltea (Mar 7, 2021)

We got rid of a lot of stuff when we moved five years ago. I still try to get rid of things that we don't use but it is hard to have the motivation once it has found a "home", especially if it is in a closet and can't be seen.


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## Lara (Mar 7, 2021)

I've tried that concept too 
of holding each thing and 
throwing it out if it doesn't 
give me joy. I only found it ALL
brings me joy. I've been delirious 
with joy all this time and didn't 
know it....thank you


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## jujube (Mar 7, 2021)

Every time I watch a "Hoarders" episode on TV, I go on a search-and-destroy mission.  I watched three episodes this weekend and now I have a big pile of stuff in the guest room that's going to the charity shop tomorrow morning.......before I start second-guessing myself.....


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## Remy (Mar 8, 2021)

I'll be the only one having to deal with all my stepfather's stuff. If he dies or goes into a nursing home.

As for me, there will be no one so I don't know what will happen. I'd prefer it all goes to the local thrift store that funds spay and neuter.


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## Marie5656 (Mar 8, 2021)

Last year, when I was preparing to downsize from my house to a 600 sq ft apartment, it hit me how much stuff I had aquired.  Two dumpsters later, I had a lot less stuff to move.  Except for one or two items, I do not regret getting rid of all the stuff.  Now I lave less space, so less desire to get more stuff.


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## Chet (Mar 8, 2021)

Years ago there was a house fire around the corner with a spectacular display of flames shooting up. The next day when it was over, I took another look. The attic was opened up and exposed and you could see piles and piles of old magazines and newspapers that gave plenty of fuel to the fire. Lot's of old combustible stuff will do that.


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## Aunt Bea (Mar 8, 2021)

I've been chipping away at it.

Last fall I removed everything from my bedroom and sitting room that I don't plan on taking to my next apartment.

Those items and a few things I would like to keep are now in the living room of my apartment.  I'm very slowly working at giving away and selling those things with an eye towards having the room empty by the end of this year.  This spring I may try to hire a tweenager to help me pack and haul a load of things to the local charity shop.

I have to say that so far I haven't missed any of the items that I've gotten rid of.


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## Liberty (Mar 8, 2021)

Aunt Bea said:


> I've been chipping away at it.
> 
> Last fall I removed everything from my bedroom and sitting room that I don't plan on taking to my next apartment.
> 
> ...


Are you planning on moving, Aunt Be?


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## Aunt Bea (Mar 8, 2021)

Liberty said:


> Are you planning on moving, Aunt Be?


I will have to move eventually.

My current apartment is a third-floor walkup and at some point, I won't be able to deal with the stairs.

I'm trying to get ready now in the event that I'm not in shape to do it when the time comes.

The worst that will happen is that I will have an empty room.


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## RadishRose (Mar 8, 2021)

Aunt Bea said:


> I will have to move eventually.
> 
> My current apartment is a third-floor walkup and at some point, I won't be able to deal with the stairs.
> 
> ...


Your legs must be in great shape!


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## asp3 (Mar 8, 2021)

I've done a number of downsizing over the years.  First when going from a house to an apartment at the end of my first marriage I had to get rid of a lot of stuff.  Then when my current wife and I started living together in a three bedroom apartment we had to reduce a lot.  Finally when we moved from a different three bedroom apartment to an old Victorian house with only one closet we reduced a lot more.

There's definitely some stuff up in our attic that we've acquired over the years that was well used when we needed it but still has potential.

So there aren't a lot of personal things that we need to go through, but as potential need is reduced or eliminated the things will slowly be given away or sold.


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## Pecos (Mar 8, 2021)

I had to do it when my step-father died. I burned up two shredders along the way. My wife and I are trying to avoid leaving the children with this burden.


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## Nosy Bee-54 (Mar 8, 2021)

I can park in my garage with lots of room to spare. Never have to worry about someone breaking into my vehicle at night. Don't have to worry about hail or other stormy weather. Most of my neighbors have to park in their driveway or on the street for the simply reason that they have too much junk. Strange because when I walk by an open garage, the totality of the junk certainly looks less valuable than a 20 to 40 thousand dollar vehicle.

I like limited stuff and only just so much furniture. I guess it's my minimalist nature and a spacious home. Some people collected stuff like cabbage patch dolls and beanie babies but I don't think heirs want it. Best to do away with it now so you would be satisfied on its new home.


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## MrPants (Mar 8, 2021)

I can't think of anything I have ever got rid of that I truly regretted later on but I can think of lots of stuff I have regretted keeping when it came time to move on!


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## Liberty (Mar 9, 2021)

They say if you haven't used something in a year, get rid of it.  Know what?  Right after you get rid of it is when you'll need it...lol.


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## asp3 (Mar 9, 2021)

Liberty said:


> They say if you haven't used something in a year, get rid of it.  Know what?  Right after you get rid of it is when you'll need it...lol.



I've got climbing equipment I haven't used in about 4 or 5 years.  I'm not using it now but I do hope to start using it again once I'm retired.  Of course I'll have to replace all of the webbing and other nylon based straps before using it again, but it's all still very good.

We also have a bunch of Burning Man related stuff we last used 12 1/2 years ago but I'm holding on to because I do hope to get back home again one of these years.  My one son (the one who hasn't been yet) would like to go with me.  It's all up in the least accessible portion of the attic but it's there when I want it.


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## OneEyedDiva (Mar 9, 2021)

My sister has loads of fine china (she has different ones for each season), crystal and silverware. Her daughter flat out told her she does not want that stuff. Some of my sister's china cannot be washed in a dishwasher. My niece sometimes works two jobs and has to care for her husband who's not in the best of health. She has no time for that kind of thing. I know what she means. I inherited my mother's silverware. I never took time to clean it. I much prefer stainless steel.

I keep saying I'm going to purge and I do a little sometimes but haven't done it to the extent I need to. I don't want my son to have a lot of junk to wade through. I have a lot of clothes and accessories though. I believe my DIL, ex-DIL and granddaughter would like those accessories. My granddaughter would want my leather bags. They can donate the clothes. 


Pecos said:


> I had to do it when my step-father died. I burned up two shredders along the way. My wife and I are trying to avoid leaving the children with this burden.


I have a friend who like you, burned out her shredder. I tried to convince her to just bag the stuff she wanted to shred and take it to the shredder truck when he's in town. Literally your shredder pile is confetti in 3 seconds, especially after he got the new truck. But noooooo....she decided to do it herself. Apparently her parents saved all their business papers since she was little. 

I'd been using the shredder truck over the years after letting stuff pile up to the point that I had a 30 gallon bags full of it. Sometimes I'd keep up with it myself, often I did not. I have to do some shredding today in fact.


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## Serenity4321 (Mar 9, 2021)

When we moved from Cal to Fl I got rid of so much. The only thing I regret is giving up my books...I told myself I should have ebooks or audiobooks. Now I am in the process of going to_ second sale_ or _thrift books_ and buying some back.. especially the old self help books, philosophy, psychology, religions of the world..I miss having them since I have collected them for 50 years. ..  There is just something about holding a book that is special.
Other than that I keep in mind my daughter will be stuck with whatever I do not get rid of and that helps me go through and eliminate things


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## Liberty (Mar 9, 2021)

Serenity4321 said:


> When we moved from Cal to Fl I got rid of so much. The only thing I regret is giving up my books...I told myself I should have ebooks or audiobooks. Now I am in the process of going to_ second sale_ or _thrift books_ and buying some back.. especially the old self help books, philosophy, psychology, religions of the world..I miss having them since I have collected them for 50 years. ..  There is just something about holding a book that is special.
> Other than that I keep in mind my daughter will be stuck with whatever I do not get rid of and that helps me go through and eliminate things


Oh yes, we have a large library...guess that's one of the main reasons we don't move...lol.


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## Glowworm (Mar 10, 2021)

We have an expression for it in Sweden _The gentle art of Swedish death cleaning_


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## MrPants (Mar 11, 2021)

Books are the worst, for others who may have to clean your house out after you're gone. They are heavy, bulky and hard to pack in anything that can be lifted by one person, Often hard to get rid of too depending on where you live.


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## MarciKS (Mar 11, 2021)

MrPants said:


> Books are the worst, for others who may have to clean your house out after you're gone. They are heavy, bulky and hard to pack in anything that can be lifted by one person, Often hard to get rid of too depending on where you live.


Well I'll be damned if I'm throwing out my retirement plans. LOL


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## Glowworm (Mar 11, 2021)

I just got rid of a load of books and DVD's that I haven't read or looked at for ages. Took them to our local fire station, they were really pleased to get some "new" stuff.


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## JonDouglas (Mar 14, 2021)

When we downsized in 2019, we went from 8 rooms with furniture and a large basement shop down to essentially 4 rooms with a small basement shop.  It was easy getting rid of most of the upstairs stuff.  Downsizing the shop was the most difficult.  Below is a picture of about 2/3 of the shop even after we'd sold off some of the major power tools, (i.e. a long bed jointer, a planer, shaper and ornamental milling lathe).







Most difficult was parting with my main lathe (not shown) that I used to turn segmented works.


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## Glowworm (Mar 14, 2021)

JonDouglas said:


> When we downsized in 2019, we went from 8 rooms with furniture and a large basement shop down to essentially 4 rooms with a small basement shop.  It was easy getting rid of most of the upstairs stuff.  Downsizing the shop was the most difficult.  Below is a picture of about 2/3 of the shop even after we'd sold off some of the major power tools, (i.e. a long bed jointer, a planer, shaper and ornamental milling lathe).
> 
> 
> 
> ...


We're talking serious man cave here


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## officerripley (Mar 14, 2021)

JonDouglas said:


> When we downsized in 2019, we went from 8 rooms with furniture and a large basement shop down to essentially 4 rooms with a small basement shop.  It was easy getting rid of most of the upstairs stuff.  Downsizing the shop was the most difficult.  Below is a picture of about 2/3 of the shop even after we'd sold off some of the major power tools, (i.e. a long bed jointer, a planer, shaper and ornamental milling lathe).
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Looks like my huzz's shop, sigh. And he keeps buying more stuff for it, usually shelving rather than tools but still. Thing is, he doesn't even use most of the tools; he's usually out there texting somebody or playing solitaire on his phone. But he's just gotta have that shop.


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## JonDouglas (Mar 14, 2021)

officerripley said:


> Looks like my huzz's shop, sigh. And he keeps buying more stuff for it, usually shelving rather than tools but still. Thing is, he doesn't even use most of the tools; he's usually out there texting somebody or playing solitaire on his phone. But he's just gotta have that shop.


A lot of stuff came out of that shop - furniture, cabinets, replica spinning wheels and a ton of segmented art work and bowls.  As I slowed down, so did the output, which led to selling most of it and downsizing.  I did keep the unisaw, chop saw, drill press and sanding station and about half the hand tools.  I do understand your huzz, though.  Guys get a lot of comfort being around tools because, you never know, something might come up where you need one.


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## officerripley (Mar 14, 2021)

JonDouglas said:


> A lot of stuff came out of that shop - furniture, cabinets, replica spinning wheels and a ton of segmented art work and bowls.  As I slowed down, so did the output, which led to selling most of it and downsizing.  I did keep the unisaw, chop saw, drill press and sanding station and about half the hand tools.  I do understand your huzz, though.  Guys get a lot of comfort being around tools because, you never know, something might come up where you need one.


I shouldn't because it won't go anywhere, but I get comfort from looking at places we could downsize to on the realty sites. I really should stop it because daydreaming--especially at this age, sigh--doesn't do a bit of good.


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## Elsie (Mar 17, 2021)

After going through the emotional pain of clearing out all the belongings, etc., of my mother's after she died, and then 6 years later my stepfather's, (emptying the house) I began to bit by bit go through all items in my own at home.  Things I had/have that I never use, nor would my children, and so I got rid of them.  I wanted to save my children from as much emotional stress as possible when clearing out my things when I pass on.   Groan...there were over a 100 jars of canned food in my stepfater's  home basement that he didn't want; tried once to get rid of.  I was told about the jars, but I wasn't told there were many, so I, using the one wooden box I had brought with me that fit 6 quart jars at a time, ended up carrying 6 at a time up the basement stairs, to the kitchen, down the outside porch stairs and into the garage and then back for more.  Around the 12th trip, I snapped out of what must have been a tired daze because I "woke" up to find myself in the kitchen and wondering how I got there.   I pity the relatives who must go through dealing with all the decisions of what should be done with the belongings of a passed on loved one.


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## HoneyNut (Mar 20, 2021)

It's so hard to throw stuff away, my mom the year before she died hired a woman to help her go through all the boxes in the garage, and they threw away maybe half.  I'm glad my mom got to go thru all her stuff and probably relive a bunch of memories.  But, even tho I march out to the garage determined to toss stuff, I get all sentimental and close the boxes back up.


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## cookiei (Mar 21, 2021)

Many of us including me have issue letting stuff go.  If your 'throw away' means trash them you might consider donating/giving if they are still usable/functional.  It would make you feel better that your unwanted stuff is put to good use.  Here are some items I got from those who no longer wanted them.
Unarranged artificial flowers in boxes.  I purchased $1/vase and arranged them
   

37 inch LCD TV and paintings


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## cookiei (Mar 21, 2021)

and 70-100 ft of fabrics that I turned them into window treatments


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## Liberty (Mar 21, 2021)

cookiei said:


> and 70-100 ft of fabrics that I turned them into window treatments
> View attachment 155781


Wow...looks great cookiei!


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## cookiei (Mar 21, 2021)

Liberty said:


> Wow...looks great cookiei!


Thanks.  Since I couldn't use all the fabrics I passed them on to others.  I also gave away a laptop, tablet and desktop.  It felt great they no longer collect dust in my house and I have extra space in the closet.


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## tbeltrans (Mar 21, 2021)

It is too bad that we didn't have at least some of the technology that we have today when I was in my 20s and 30s.  I moved around a lot, and it would have been much nicer to have all my books on a Kindle, all my music on a smart phone, and a laptop for everything else I might need.  I think a duffle bag would have held most everything I needed to take with me except a guitar.

Now, I have all that, but also 30+ years of acquiring stuff that I need to get rid of so whomever is left when my wife and I are gone, won't have to get rid of it all.

Tony


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