# Friends, do you prefer friends of the same sex or opposite sex?



## CeeCee (Jan 31, 2014)

I have always had more male friends than women, and that is the way I like it.

I just seem to get along better with men and I'm not talking about physical attraction or dating.

Even most of my email contacts are male...in fact besides family none are female.

This is just recentLy either, it's been like this my whole life.

Women can be catty and I don't like that.

This is probably why I'll never date or marry again...I've never found the chemistry I've had with my husband.

And how many men on dating sites want to be just friends?  Not too many.


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## Vivjen (Jan 31, 2014)

I tend to be like that. The guy I am going to dinner with tomorrow night I first met at college 40 years ago....
his wife tolerates me too!

My closest friends are a mixture...


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## Davey Jones (Jan 31, 2014)

Most seniors I meet ,since moving to Florida, and become friends with is all I need.
Then there are those when friendship doesnt last long.
Men talk too much about their achevements,females talk too much about their families.
I dont mind them talking about it but some never shut up about it.


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## SifuPhil (Jan 31, 2014)

Females can be _friends_?!? :hororr:

Learn something new every _day_ on this forum!


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## Vivjen (Jan 31, 2014)

Davey Jones said:


> Most seniors I meet ,since moving to Florida, and become friends with is all I need.
> Then there are those when friendship doesnt last long.
> Men talk too much about their achevements,females talk too much about their families.
> I dont mind them talking about it but some never shut up about about it.



I promise to keep quiet DJ!


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## Vivjen (Jan 31, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> Females can be _friends_?!? :hororr:
> 
> Learn something new every _day_ on this forum!



List your reasons why not........
on second thoughts...don't!


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## Davey Jones (Jan 31, 2014)

Vivjen said:


> List your reasons why not........
> on second thoughts...don't!




I would tell you ,underwater.


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## SifuPhil (Jan 31, 2014)

Vivjen said:


> List your reasons why not........
> on second thoughts...don't!



Well, now that you ask ... 

For me it always depended upon where my head was at, _vis_–à–_vis _whether or not I was "on the hunt"_._ 

If I was looking to date, or have a serious relationship, being termed a "friend" was the death sentence. Ever heard the term "friend zone"? Yeah, like that. 

I worked as an escort during my early college years. To be a "friend" to my clients would have been a horrible business move, and that attitude no doubt stayed in my mind during my personal activities, even if only subconsciously. 

Once I got out of the concrete box of "dating" and instead just went for "two people doing something together" I did much better, but then I began to incur the wrath of all my "bros" who insisted I would never "get any" by being a friend. That I proved their theory wrong countless times gave me the mental buttressing necessary to carry on.

As a result, I began to distrust my male "friends", and the scales tipped to having more female than male ones. 

Of course, now that I'm a monk, it's all academic.


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## Diwundrin (Jan 31, 2014)

I get on better with men than women as a rule.  I was raised and worked among more of them so that seems normal to me, I'm not into girly relationship and family photo chatfests and find men have more interest in discussing a wider range of subjects.  Most of the best advice I ever got was given from the man's point of view.  They cut through the emotional crap easier.

 I have a mix of friends though, I either get on with them or not, gender doesn't matter among friends as such,  if it leads to more then that's not just 'friend' is it?


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## SifuPhil (Jan 31, 2014)

Diwundrin said:


> I have a mix of friends though, I either get on with them or not, gender doesn't matter among friends as such,  if it leads to more then that's not just 'friend' is it?



So then what IS it? Is there some cute Aussie phrase for that?


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## Vivjen (Jan 31, 2014)

I have several gay friends; who have been fantastic; but moved, although I still keep in touch.

I also think, as one gets older, friend relationships get less complicated; no teenage girlie angst; no nicking men from wives etc; or is that just me?

When Viv died, I soon found out who my real friends were..


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## rkunsaw (Jan 31, 2014)

For just being friends I have no preference and the few friends I've had seem to be equally divided.


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## SeaBreeze (Jan 31, 2014)

I'm not into lots of friends at all, and haven't had any male friends since I've been married to my husband for nearly 40 years, and he has no women friends either.  When I was working, I would generally get along with both men and women, both would often come to me for advice also.

My best friend is a woman I met through work in my early 20s, she is a dear, and like me, not your typical woman.  I have met women who fit all the stereotypes, they like to shop, they like to chatter, etc.  I probably would get along with a man as a friend, better than a woman, but my husband is my best friend, so that won't be happening. 

 Also, I find that being friendly with a man, usually leads up to them wanting to flirt and try to get closer, and begin to speak in a different way to me.  I can sense that probably before they're aware of it, and I nip it in the bud, and put the male in his place.  He either acts normally around me, with no regard for sex, or he isn't around me anymore...plain and simple.


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## SeaBreeze (Jan 31, 2014)

I find that friendships happen naturally, and I never focused on making friends or not, even when I was younger.  I was friends with both sexes back then, and really had to click with someone to want to hang out with them on a regular basis.


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## SeaBreeze (Jan 31, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> Well, you know how some guys' minds work ... the coin of the realm is always sex.
> 
> Another reason that the "pick up chicks" industry is doing so well.



I do know, all to well Phil, LOL!   That's why I let them know from the getgo...'homey don't play dat'. layful:


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## That Guy (Jan 31, 2014)

They're both different.  I enjoy being one a da boyz with my male friends and enjoy the female connection with women.  Now, of course, when it comes to "benefits" I like girls...!


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## Bullie76 (Jan 31, 2014)

Scientific proof that men and women can't be friends. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA


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## gar (Jan 31, 2014)

I  prefer Female Friends always have. Men bore me with Talk of ****** conquest etc.
I'm not looking to make out either just like the company .


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## Warrigal (Jan 31, 2014)

What is a friend anyway? 

Is the term defined by the way I feel about them or by what benefits they bring to me?
Do I have to love them or just like being in their company?

Phil asked about cute Aussie terms. I can only offer the word 'mate'. Mateship is much valued by Australians.



> 'Mateship' is a concept that can be traced back to early colonial times. The harsh environment in which convicts and new settlers found themselves meant that men and women closely relied on each other for all sorts of help. In Australia, a 'mate' is more than just a friend. It's a term that implies a sense of shared experience, mutual respect and unconditional assistance.
> 
> Mateship is a term traditionally used among men, and it is a term frequently used to describe the relationship between men during times of challenge. The popular notion of mateship came to the fore during the First World War.



I noted this characteristic during this terrible days after Hurricane Katrina when people were trapped in that sporting stadium. It was an utterly lawless situation and people were attacking each other; women, and even children were being raped. Some were murdered. A group of young Australians collected together and protected each other. The men escorted the girls when they had to relieve themselves and they shared what they had. They were mostly strangers before the crisis but quickly became mates. 

Mateship was strong among Australian POWs of the Japanese and is one of the factors credited with their relatively high survival rates in captivity.


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## SifuPhil (Jan 31, 2014)

Warrigal said:


> Phil asked about cute Aussie terms. I can only offer the word 'mate'. Mateship is much valued by Australians.



That's fantastic stuff - thanks, Warri! I didn't realize the etymology of it. 

I'd use that term now if (1) I had any friends and (2) I didn't sound crazy using it here in Pennsylvania. 

The most common usage around here is "bro" for the guys (sometimes spelled "bruh") and "girl" for the women. Hardly noble like "mate".


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## Bee (Jan 31, 2014)

Mate is commonly used here when talking to a friend, an aquaintance or just about anyone. or we will refer to a friend as a mate.


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## Warrigal (Jan 31, 2014)

Mick Dundee (AKA Crocodile Dundee) had a few things to say about mates.


After hearing that a wealthy socialite at a NY cocktail party was seeing a psychiatrist he wants to know if she is nuts:




> Sue Charlton: People go to a psychiatrist to talk about their problems. She just needed to unload them. You know, bring them out in the open.
> Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: Hasn't she got any mates?
> 
> Sue Charlton: You're right. I guess we could all use more mates. I suppose you don't have any shrinks at Walkabout Creek.
> ...



And on  the subject of dying when recounting an encounter with a large croc:



> Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: Of course it took me a week to crawl this far. I thought I was a goner. I said to meself, "Mick old son, find yourself a nice comfortable spot and lay down and die".
> 
> Sue Charlton: Weren't you afraid?
> 
> Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: Of dying? Nah. I read The Bible once. You know God and Jesus and all them apostles? They were all fishermen, just like me. Yeah, straight to heaven for Mick Dundee. Yep, me and God, we'd be mates.


 Now there's one version of Australian spirituality. "_Me 'n' God, we're mates. No worries." 
_As long as you've been a good mate to someone, the Gates of Heaven are flung wide open.


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## Diwundrin (Jan 31, 2014)

A few lines from 'True Blue' springs to mind about how the essense of Ozzie 'mateship' is fading with changing demographics and lifestyles.
It may be compared to the comrade in arms bond between soldiers but ours was equally applicable among the civilian population, most notably in rural areas when it was imperative to have support to rely on in need.  It's not an exclusively Australian thing, it's just viewed as slightly different to 'friendship.'  An unbreakable 'alliance' that transcends personalities perhaps.

The greatest testament to someone's character was to refer to them as 'true blue.'  A person to be relied upon come what may. A real 'mate.'  And it's often gender neutral.  Some women hate being addressed as 'mate' in conversation but I'm okay with it.

".... is it standing by your mate, when s/he's in a fight?  Or just Vegemite?... true, blue."

The song has great meaning for older Aussies but is lost on those not raised in that old culture but I'll post the song for any who want to try and make sense of it.






Williamson is one of our very few 'country/ballad' singers who doesn't sound as though he was born in Nashville.  He's kept his accent.  He writes most of his own material too and some of it is beyond good, it's poetry.  But while he's iconic and a huge seller here I doubt his stuff travels well, it's just 'too Australian.'  A lot too is very ironic which is lost in translation unless you're born with 'the culture'.  True Blue is couched in irony and much deeper than it sounds on the surface.


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## SifuPhil (Jan 31, 2014)

Warrigal said:


> Mick Dundee (AKA Crocodile Dundee) had a few things to say about mates.



I wonder where his mates were through all of his tax problems?


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## Warrigal (Jan 31, 2014)

His best mate was in the same trouble that he was. 
Anyway, that was Hoges, not Dundee.
Dundee didn't care about money.


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## SifuPhil (Jan 31, 2014)

Warrigal said:


> His best mate was in the same trouble that he was.
> Anyway, that was Hoges, not Dundee.
> Dundee didn't care about money.



Ah, okay.

Hey, my mate is Humphrey Bogart - I know how it is.


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## Rainee (Feb 1, 2014)

Yep Mateship is alive and well in Australia.. Its also an ubiquitous form of greeting, frequently used with casual acquaintances.Can be any body at all , typically used only to refer to men.but now seems to include women as well, it is also used as an informal address for strangers... (Hello mate. ) as a placeholder for friends like to be friendly.or appear friendly.. and used as a term for friends in general.. (Invite your mates around ) or cheers mate.. we have a fellow in our village here and he is uses  mates all the time..  . with both men and women alike.. he sees no difference, even when I was working a fellow would say to me oh ok mate its apples .. meaning okay it will be alright .. I`ll post a new thread with all the australian slangs with phrases its a good one.. 
And to get back to the original question of CeeCee, I am friends with both men and women.. have no real close lady friend but have a few who are widows its nice to visit them and let them talk about their daily happenings.. and men well I get on good with all .. hey I have a mate here Falcon.!. he`s my mate .. and a very good friend ...


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## Fern (Feb 1, 2014)

I have a placard that says,
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow,
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead,
Just walk beside me and be my friend.".
Albert Camus.

It says it all for me.


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## Falcon (Feb 1, 2014)

If a REAL "True Blue"  friend has proven to be one, it matters not to me the gender.

I have many REAL  friends both male and female  including a couple who swing both ways.


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## Phantom (Feb 2, 2014)

Must try a pub crawl with a female 

Might be a little embarrassing at the urinal too :magnify:


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