# Men and Women, can they be just friends.?



## Bellbird (Oct 21, 2021)

> *So Can Men and Women Keep Their Relationship Platonic?*
> Non-****** and non-romantic relationships between people are absolutely possible -- despite what our culture depicts. "Friendships, unlike romantic relationships, aren't as interesting in a sex-obsessed, commodity-ridden culture like ours," says psychotherapist Silvia M. Dutchevici, MA, LCSW, founder of Critical Therapy Center in New York City.
> Today's society plants the idea of friends turning into romantic interests in our heads, making it difficult for some to recognize a platonic friendship. "When we value friendship for the sake of collaboration and community, rather than sex, then friendships can flourish."
> 
> Can men and women have a platonic relation. What are your feelings on the matter.? There is no doubting that our present society does appear to be sex obsessed.


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## timoc (Oct 21, 2021)

Men and Women, can they be just friends.?​Of course, absolutely, as long as the lady is a good cook and the man is a good listener.


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## katlupe (Oct 21, 2021)

I do have a friend who is a man. I used to meet him to go shopping at the Mennonite store and then we would go to lunch. No matter how much I protested, he would pay the check. Said it made him feel good to take a lady to lunch. I was married and he knew my husband and there was nothing going on between us. Sometimes others would join us as we were all part of a local homesteading group.


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## Shero (Oct 21, 2021)

Yes of course!!  I have several male friends and my best friend from childhood is male!


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## Alligatorob (Oct 21, 2021)

Sure, I have lots of female friends with whom I have never had a romantic or ****** relationship.  Probably almost as many as men.


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## Murrmurr (Oct 21, 2021)

I have and have had a number of lady friends, platonic. Currently I would number my closest, dearest, most awesome friends at 4, and one of them is a wonderful lady named Patience. I also (currently) have a few platonic female "buddies" who live in 2 different homeless camps. They always greet me, introduce any new residents, let me know who needs what and help me distribute my donations so they go to the right people. When I go in the evening, we sometimes share a fire (when it's allowed) and swap stories.


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## MrPants (Oct 21, 2021)

I agree! I have several female friends. I just spent a day with one that I hadn't seen in probably 15 years or so. We are kindred spirits but have never even thought of making it into something more than friendship. That might ruin what we have!


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## Bellbird (Oct 21, 2021)

timoc said:


> Men and Women, can they be just friends.?​Of course, absolutely, as long as the lady is a good cook and the man is a good listener.


I'm not talking live in friends.


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## fmdog44 (Oct 21, 2021)

yes, why not?


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## win231 (Oct 21, 2021)

They certainly can.  But it's more challenging to go "backwards" in a relationship (after breaking up) & be just friends after they have been intimate.


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## hollydolly (Oct 22, 2021)

yes of course, all my life the majority of my friends have been male...


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## Paco Dennis (Oct 22, 2021)

Sure! Just like when we were kids and played "House"!


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## Tom 86 (Oct 22, 2021)

Most of my lady friends are waitress's or nurses.  When not busy they will sit & talk with you.  Also a few have gone to lunch with me.  Have a good meal & just talk, then take them back to work.


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## timoc (Oct 22, 2021)

Bellbird said:


> I'm not talking live in friends.


Neither am I.


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## Paco Dennis (Oct 22, 2021)

For me most of my platonic friends who were/are female I have some attraction to. For us it is comfortable with romantic goofing around.


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## horseless carriage (Oct 22, 2021)

Bellbird said:


> *So Can Men and Women Keep Their Relationship Platonic?*
> Non-****** and non-romantic relationships between people are absolutely possible -- despite what our culture depicts. "Friendships, unlike romantic relationships, aren't as interesting in a sex-obsessed, commodity-ridden culture like ours," says psychotherapist Silvia M. Dutchevici, MA, LCSW, founder of Critical Therapy Center in New York City.
> Today's society plants the idea of friends turning into romantic interests in our heads, making it difficult for some to recognize a platonic friendship. "When we value friendship for the sake of collaboration and community, rather than sex, then friendships can flourish."
> 
> Can men and women have a platonic relation. What are your feelings on the matter.? There is no doubting that our present society does appear to be sex obsessed.


From that I take it that psychotherapist, Silvia M. Dutchevici is implying that friendships between the sexes are a forerunner to something more physical. What a sad take on the way we make friends.


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## Lewkat (Oct 22, 2021)

Sure.  Got lots of guy friends.


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## terry123 (Oct 22, 2021)

Of course. I have a guy friend that I have known for 45 years.  I did his accounting for years and we got to know each other.  We talk on the phone as I have moved quite a ways from him but we always pick up where we left off.


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## Alligatorob (Oct 22, 2021)

win231 said:


> it's more challenging to go "backwards" in a relationship (after breaking up) & be just friends after they have been intimate.


Challenging maybe, but not impossible. 

I am good friends with my first wife, we divorced almost 40 years ago.  We did go a long time without contact but now talk and visit regularly.  I am also friends with her now adult kids. 

20 or 30 years ago I would not have thought it possible.  However it seems time does heal wounds.  We did like each other long ago, the basis for that liking is still there.

I do have one (that I can think of) ex out there I hope to never see again.


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## WheatenLover (Oct 22, 2021)

I have four close male friends. The relationships are platonic, and will always be.


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## Sassycakes (Oct 22, 2021)

I think it is fine for men and women to have friends of the opposite gender.


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## Nathan (Oct 22, 2021)

My 2 business partners are women, we are friends and don't have any romantic inclinations in the least.


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## MarciKS (Oct 22, 2021)

men in kansas don't seem to understand that being friends isn't the same as being friends with "benefits." they get mad when i don't want the benefits. LOL


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## funsearcher! (Oct 23, 2021)

Depends on the people. Some can do it  and others have issues with it.


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## Paco Dennis (Oct 23, 2021)

Paco Dennis said:


> For me most of my platonic friends who were/are female I have some attraction to. For us it is comfortable with romantic goofing around.



I just read this and it could imply that it becomes physical....I don't even hold hands with any of them. I do think we need the freedom to talk to our platonic friends about our feelings...and it might include some attraction. There is never an impulse to act them out, but by sharing those feelings I have been able to "goof" around at times verbally or with body language.  I'm no swinger.  One woman for 30 years.


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## Bellbird (Oct 23, 2021)

MarciKS said:


> men in kansas don't seem to understand that being friends isn't the same as being friends with "benefits." they get mad when i don't want the benefits. LOL


So true,


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## Victor (Oct 24, 2021)

Yes but mainly on phone or electronically like text. I am friends with a married woman for many years and saw her only once. Her husband knows.  Friends with singles are unlikely if one of you is attracted to the other


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## Lethe200 (Oct 24, 2021)

Certainly. My best friend for decades was male, and I introduced him to the woman who became his wife. 

My spouse has several women friends, all strictly platonic. Since I was the one who taught him (painfully and slowly) how to talk about his feelings, I took it as a true compliment when one of our mutual friends told me she enjoys talking with my spouse "because he's just a regular guy, and he doesn't have any trouble talking to me."

I asked him once why he eventually developed more female friendships, and he said his male friendships were based on shared interests, but had always been very shallow. He appreciated a woman's idea of friendship as a personal relationship, and found it more rewarding.


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## Jules (Oct 24, 2021)

How many people with a spouse/partner are happy with them being good friends with the opposite sex, especially if they are single?


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## funsearcher! (Oct 26, 2021)

funsearcher! said:


> Depends on the people. Some can do it  and others have issues with it.


My husband was intimidated by my friendship with my ex.  I was friends with him for 30 years and thought nothing strange about it. I could talk to him about old friends and relatives that my 2nd husband didn't know or care about.


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## Alligatorob (Oct 26, 2021)

Jules said:


> How many people with a spouse/partner are happy with them being good friends with the opposite sex, especially if they are single?


It's worked out alright for me.

I have a good friend, known her since grad school.  We have never had any kind of romantic or ****** relationship.  She is single, I am married.  I have even stayed at her house (in the guest bedroom) when visiting her city, alone without my wife.  My wife knows her and is ok with it.  My wife has male friends and it doesn't bother me.

It may be more common that you think.


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## David777 (Oct 26, 2021)

Something not yet stated on this thread is that there are significant numbers of adult males that cannot easily be just friends with females acquaintances.  In part that is because many have little opportunity given their life situation so when they do, may be awkward.  Although they may think they hide such behavior, both their verbal and especially non-verbal communication betrays that.  As someone that spent 4+ decades in high tech corporate work environments, I had to work with people from A to Z of both genders in a friendly relaxed professional manner that is a skill.


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## Lethe200 (Oct 26, 2021)

David777 said:


> Something not yet stated on this thread is that there are significant numbers of adult males that cannot easily be just friends with females acquaintances.  In part that is because many have little opportunity given their life situation so when they do, may be awkward.  Although they may think they hide such behavior, both their verbal and especially non-verbal communication betrays that.  As someone that spent 4+ decades in high tech corporate work environments, I had to work with people from A to Z of both genders in a friendly relaxed professional manner that is a skill.


You make a very good point. As posted above, my spouse ended up developing several very deep friendships with women (all of whom I met, btw, and also liked). Being able to relate well with women helped his career - his last two managers were women, and he had excellent professional relationships with both.


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## palides2021 (Oct 26, 2021)

This is a complex topic and I feel it cannot be explained in one paragraph. The reason is, that it depends. It depends on the culture of the individuals. Are they from a Western culture like the US or from a European or Middle Eastern culture? The culture and family I was raised up in (European) was quite religious, so there were certain unspoken 'taboos.' For example, my late husband also had certain beliefs similar to my family's, so having a male friend while married was frowned upon. However, I have had many male friends throughout my life - before I married and after my husband passed away -  through my employment, community service, church, and playing in orchestras. I treated them as equals, and platonically. There were never any romantic inclinations (and if I sensed something was brewing, I would cut it off, especially if I wasn't interested).

In addition, when one sees people as not male or female, but as friends, it takes a certain talent or type of person, as I read in a previous post here. Probably religious leaders have that special ability. On the opposite end, there are people who see other people as sex objects. I, for one, can spot such a person a mile away, by the way he looks at a woman, the way he talks and flirts, etc. I have seen couples having children together, and never marrying, and the guy goes off to have a child with another woman. Still not married with the second woman. To me, that guy is seeing these women as sex objects. On the other hand, there's the other extreme, and that's our new social media society where we build "friendships" online, never having seen the other person face-to-face or had a cup of coffee with them, yet we call each other friends. 

Finally (sorry about rambling), when a man or woman is married and they have a friendship with the opposite sex outside the family, if they start relating to the other person through emotional intimacy (there's more than one way to be intimate), and sharing their secrets and dreams with them, I feel something is being taken away from the marriage. These are my thoughts. I apologize for the length of this post and if I offended anyone. Just remember,  we are all friends here.


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## timoc (Oct 26, 2021)

Men and Women, can they be just friends.?​
Most definitely. 

If the lady supports the right football (soccer) team, enjoys a pint and a sing-song in the pub.

and

If the man can learn to sit amonst 30 women and simultaneously keep up with all the conversations.

Absolutely......    I think.


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## Alligatorob (Oct 26, 2021)

This is an interesting topic.  I agree with @palides2021 it can depend on the culture people were brought up in.  If you see examples and realize its possible or normal you are more likely to do it.

However I think the whole "seeing women as sex objects" thing is complex.  I believe it is instinctive for men to see most women as possible sex partners.  What allows the platonic friendships is not acting on that instinct.  We often have to manage our instinctive drives, this is just another example.  Even Jimmy Carter admitted to lusting in his heart, but I am pretty sure he never acted on it.  So maybe this is a grey area, the key is what you do, not what you think about.


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## Glory Bee (Oct 26, 2021)

Yes. It is quite easy.  I'm sure when it becomes a problem is when it entails a third party who becomes jealous or makes you feel odd about it. Being secretive about it can in some cases be a red flag.  So we must depend on honesty of our true feelings to decide whether it is just a friendship and if there is a third party to be respectful to them as needed.  It is what we make it.


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## Lawrence00 (Oct 26, 2021)

As long as you don't wear Hai Karate


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## Ladybj (Oct 26, 2021)

Yes... a man and woman can be just friends. However, both have to be strong and know there could be nothing but friendship.  It's possible that one or the other may want to take it a bit further.  As long as their are boundaries and understanding from both parties, it can be a wonderful connection..which is rare.


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## Bellbird (Oct 26, 2021)

All very interesting points of view. It's a field that I have never wondered about, until now.


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## Bretrick (Oct 26, 2021)

Yes, Women and Men can be the best of friends.
Not everything has to revolve around sex. There comes a time when sex is not a priority, freeing us up to do other meaningful things with our lives.
I have several great female friends and sexuality never intervenes.


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## Ladybj (Oct 26, 2021)

I have a very close male friend.  I found out about a year ago he has stage 4 Cancer.  I have been checking on him to see how he is doing via phone.  I have known him for over 30 years.  We have not been in touch but when I found out he has Cancer, I reached out.  He tells me I have no idea how I make his days a bit easy.  He is single..has been married 3x. However, I make sure I always mention my husband in our conversations.  God forbid anything happen to my hubby, I would not want to be in a relationship with my friend - he would, this is why I keep my boundaries and he respects them.   

My hubby has a close female friend but they are not in contact.  I know her...we use to be close friends.  I would not mind if my husband had a female friend.  We cannot be everything to our spouse. When you have a strong foundation in your marriage and have confidence in yourself - you don't sweat the small stuff.


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## Ladybj (Oct 26, 2021)

If my hubby and I got divorced, I don't think we would be able to be friends.  Hopefully, we will not have to find out


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## Alligatorob (Oct 26, 2021)

Ladybj said:


> which is rare.


I am not sure its so rare.  It hasn't been in my experience.


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## Mr. Ed (Oct 27, 2021)

At this time, a close platonic relationship with anyone other than my wife is of no interest to me. 43 years of marriage limits the desire to express my availability among dateable women.

I don’t know if I am still dateable because it has been so long since I’ve dated anyone.


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## charry (Oct 27, 2021)

Yes


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## fuzzybuddy (Nov 1, 2021)

Of course. For God's sake, any two people can have a platonic relationship. We are the same species,  and we're wired for friendship.


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## Mr. Ed (Nov 1, 2021)

No man or woman exist without the other


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## Bellbird (Nov 1, 2021)

fuzzybuddy said:


> Of course. For God's sake, any two people can have a platonic relationship. We are the same species,  and we're wired for friendship.


Any two, That's a very broad statement. What hemisphere are you in.?


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## oldpop (Nov 1, 2021)

Sure. The relationships I have had with women that started out or turned into friendships were the longest lasting and fulfilling relationships I have had.


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## Gary O' (Nov 1, 2021)

Men and Women, can they be just friends.?​
This topic comes up about once or twice a year

So, I just post what I wrote a decade or so ago
(I think this is the fourth or fifth time)

I may be bent wrong, but.....after several decades, there's no unbending now


*Wimin

The most mysterious beings of our planet*

I found out long ago, about sixty years or so, that gaining favor with the finer gender of our specie is not necessarily in my best interest.
Whole different frequency
Wired different
Fiber optic vs 9 gauge single conductor
Fascinating, mystical, attractive, you bet
Sensitivities I’d never remotely considered
But, hanging with a group of ladies?

Can’t

Mentally; exhausting

Socially; this ogre doesn’t stand a chance 

Spiritually; beyond any reach I may have thought I had

Physically; like looking into the sun, can go blind if obsessing too long

Gaining favor?
Whimsical touches
Nothing of depth
Any more than that and I find myself precariously dangling off a mental precipice

I can do one, maybe two per sitting
and that is mostly because they sense my discomfort to the point of putting forth effort to discuss what I’m interested in
I’ve learned to pick up on this and placate for a bit, then find a way to excuse myself

I don’t avoid ladies, but have learned not to seek them out
It’s what shops are for

I’ve been fortunate

My lady has put up with me for half a century

When I become too much and I (for some unknown reason) anger her,
I found placing my calloused hand on the small of her back will still cause her to flinch
….and she begrudgingly forgives me

We have had this tryst, this romance that has yet to fade

She’s plenty for me

Forever


So, here I remain
Baffled, yet attracted at the mysteries, complexities
A sentry
A defender
A protector
A willing grunt

Keeping the fire

best I can


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## Ladybj (Nov 1, 2021)

Alligatorob said:


> I am not sure its so rare.  It hasn't been in my experience.


I respect that but in my experience, it's rare that a man and woman can be just friends.  Did not say it can not happen but in my experience it's rare.  One of them at some point cross the line, which does happen more times than none...  jmo. However, if both stick to boundaries, it may work out.


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## PamfromTx (Nov 2, 2021)

The only male friends I ever had were co-employees and/or former classmates.  I've always remained close to a few; strictly platonic.

This reminded me of a co-employee who tried his best to conquer my attention.  He was the Director of the Operating Room and would make rounds to where I was located at the hospital.  After a while, he just gave up.  lol  Strangest thing is that my husband also worked at this facility. It didn't fade this Casanova, I guess.


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## grahamg (Nov 2, 2021)

My mother used to state unequivocally that they couldn't to the thread question, (much to the amusement of an uncle of my father who claimed to have platonic women friends  ).

I do have a couple of good friends who are of the fairer sex, (one in a committed relationship so that's a bit different, but one not yet, nor for a while), so my answer would be "yes", although I accept my mother may have had a point generally.  .


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