# Why I stopped looking for a man



## BlunderWoman (Feb 12, 2016)

because this is what I pretty much want....

someone who will never want to marry me

someone who will never want to live with me

someone who will never want sex from me

someone who will want to hold my hand and watch movies

someone who never criticizes me

someone who really likes me

someone who basically just wants to be my male friend with hand holding hug benefits 

LOL!!

Now that is why I stopped looking


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## AprilT (Feb 12, 2016)

BlunderWoman said:


> because this is what I pretty much want....
> 
> someone who will never want to marry me
> 
> ...




You lost me right there,     We were good till that point.


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## BlunderWoman (Feb 12, 2016)

Yeah I don't want sex. My bones hurt


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## GeorgiaXplant (Feb 12, 2016)

I'm with April.

I also want one who will always pick up the tab and who will like Tucker, The Perfectly Good Cat. And who will stay the eff outta the kitchen, dammit. If there's anything that will drive me around the bend, it's somebody hovering in the kitchen because they "like" to cook.


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## BlunderWoman (Feb 12, 2016)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> I'm with April.
> And who will stay the eff outta the kitchen, dammit. If there's anything that will drive me around the bend, it's somebody hovering in the kitchen because they "like" to cook.



LOL. I hate anyone messing in MY kitchen too


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## Ameriscot (Feb 12, 2016)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> I'm with April.
> 
> I also want one who will always pick up the tab and who will like Tucker, The Perfectly Good Cat. And who will stay the eff outta the kitchen, dammit. *If there's anything that will drive me around the bend, it's somebody hovering in the kitchen because they "like" to cook*.



Oh no no no.  My hubby is the cook in our house and I'm not allowed in the kitchen when he cooks.  I'm allowed in after dinner to clean up.  I'm cool with that.


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## Ameriscot (Feb 12, 2016)

AprilT said:


> You lost me right there,     We were good till that point.



Understand that!!!


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## BlunderWoman (Feb 12, 2016)

Ameriscot said:


> Oh no no no.  My hubby is the cook in our house and I'm not allowed in the kitchen when he cooks.  I'm allowed in after dinner to clean up.  I'm cool with that.



I have a sister that has refused to cook all her life. That would work out great for her too, She loves it when someone cooks for her


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## BlunderWoman (Feb 12, 2016)

Ameriscot said:


> Understand that!!!



hey I'm the perfect woman for a man with erectile dysfunction and no blue pills


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## Ameriscot (Feb 12, 2016)

BlunderWoman said:


> I have a sister that has refused to cook all her life. That would work out great for her too, She loves it when someone cooks for her



Me too!  I do very occasionally cook and I bake.


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## Jackie22 (Feb 12, 2016)

I want one that can use a chain saw and mow the yard, then go home to his house, I'll cook lunch for him though...lol


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## Ameriscot (Feb 12, 2016)

BlunderWoman said:


> hey I'm the perfect woman for a man with erectile dysfunction and no blue pills



No blue pills needed in my house.


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## BlunderWoman (Feb 12, 2016)

Jackie22 said:


> I want one that can use a chain saw and mow the yard, then go home to his house, I'll cook lunch for him though...lol



ROFLMAO!! Uhmn those are called handymen or something


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## GeorgiaXplant (Feb 12, 2016)

Yeah, I have requirements...he has to have his own place to live, his own car to drive and his own income. In addition, and this is very important, he has to be literate. I used to say he has to have read a book this year, then decided that was too picky so figured if he's ever read a book it's close enough.


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## tnthomas (Feb 12, 2016)

BlunderWoman said:


> because this is what I pretty much want....
> 
> someone who will never want to marry me
> 
> ...





You want a gay male friend, basically.


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## Ameriscot (Feb 12, 2016)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> Yeah, I have requirements...he has to have his own place to live, his own car to drive and his own income. In addition, and this is very important, he has to be literate. I used to say he has to have read a book this year, then decided that was too picky so figured if he's ever read a book it's close enough.



Snicker.


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## mitchezz (Feb 12, 2016)

BlunderWoman said:


> I have a sister that has refused to cook all her life. That would work out great for her too, She loves it when someone cooks for her



My daughter's partner is a chef so she rarely cooks...........he can't stand to watch what she does with a knife lol


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## Ameriscot (Feb 12, 2016)

mitchezz said:


> My daughter's partner is a chef so she rarely cooks...........he can't stand to watch what she does with a knife lol



My husband has taught me how to properly chop an onion. He's the chopping king!


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## mitchezz (Feb 12, 2016)

I stopped looking for a man because I was scared I would find one. Took me 30 years to get rid of the last one.


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## mitchezz (Feb 12, 2016)

Ameriscot said:


> My husband has taught me how to properly chop an onion. He's the chopping king!



I think she exaggerates her clumsiness so he won't ask her to help.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Feb 12, 2016)

mitchezz said:


> i stopped looking for a man because i was scared i would find one. Took me 30 years to get rid of the last one.



Now THAT is funny!


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## Ameriscot (Feb 12, 2016)

mitchezz said:


> I think she exaggerates her clumsiness so he won't ask her to help.



I have been guilty of that as I hate chopping onions.  So the rare time I cook I sometimes get hubby to chop the onions and I do the rest.


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## SifuPhil (Feb 12, 2016)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> Yeah, I have requirements...he has to have his own place to live, his own car to drive and his own income. In addition, and this is very important, he has to be literate.* I used to say he has to have read a book this year, then decided that was too picky so figured if he's ever read a book it's close enough*.



I once read _Cat in the Hat_ - does that count?


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## GeorgiaXplant (Feb 12, 2016)

SifuPhil said:


> I once read _Cat in the Hat_ - does that count?



Phil, this could be a match made in heaven. Or in the library.


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## Cookie (Feb 12, 2016)

"You want a gay male friend, basically"

... or a brother. 

I might be open to a romantic relationship, should one find me, but I'm not hunting/looking for one.


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## SifuPhil (Feb 12, 2016)

The sun did not shine
It was too wet to play
And the only men 'round
Were so flamingly gay

I sat there with Sally
My best friend for life
If I were a guy
I would make her my wife

Too wet to go out
Too dry to stay in
Then Sally and I
Started speaking of Sin ...


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## mitchezz (Feb 12, 2016)

Ameriscot said:


> I have been guilty of that as I hate chopping onions.  So the rare time I cook I sometimes get hubby to chop the onions and I do the rest.



If I won big bucks in the Lottery a Chef would be on top of my list.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Feb 12, 2016)

Hey, Phil! You wanna be my virtual gentleman caller?


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## mitchezz (Feb 12, 2016)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> Now THAT is funny!



It's also true!


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## SifuPhil (Feb 12, 2016)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> Hey, Phil! You wanna be my virtual gentleman caller?




Sure!

Will you make me virtual meals? I'm getting a bit skinny ...


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## GeorgiaXplant (Feb 12, 2016)

Bingo! You're on. I could stand to put on 25-30 lbs. 

For breakfast tomorrow, we're having huevos rancheros, hash browns, biscuits with sausage gravy, orange juice and coffee.

Lunch. How about meatball sandwiches on hoagie buns and a salad?

Dinner. Hm. Pork chops baked with apples and dressing. Broccoli. Another salad...I'll toss some pepperoncini, red onion and avocado in it. We'll have hot fudge pudding cake for dessert.


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## SifuPhil (Feb 12, 2016)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> Bingo! You're on. I could stand to put on 25-30 lbs.
> 
> For breakfast tomorrow, we're having huevos rancheros, hash browns, biscuits with sausage gravy, orange juice and coffee.
> 
> ...



I am yours, now and forever. :love_heart:

... or at least, until the food runs out ...


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## fureverywhere (Feb 12, 2016)

Oh no no no.  My hubby is the cook in our house and I'm not allowed in the kitchen when he cooks.  I'm allowed in after dinner to clean up.  I'm cool with that.   

This...
But good heavens kids, living with someone, getting busy at least on the full moon, somebody who gets the inside jokes...really I never want to live alone...just the way I roll

Okay I would be happy with my own bathroom. Pristine clean and no pee dribbles...but except for that.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Feb 12, 2016)

Agree with no pee dribbles. Phil, are you cool with that?

Sunday breakfast is going to be cheese & sausage muffins, a bowl of fresh cut up fruit (peaches, nectarines, pineapple, strawberries, blueberries, kiwi), cranberry juice.

Sunday dinner will be roast chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, Brussels sprouts and, of course, a salad. Peanut butter pie for dessert.

Sunday supper? I'll scrounge up something.

And Phil? Sunday is Valentine's Day. I'm very fond of chocolate. Just sayin...


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## SifuPhil (Feb 12, 2016)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> Agree with no pee dribbles. Phil, are you cool with that?



I was well-trained during 15 years of marriage and now 2 years of sharing an apartment with a fussy female. 



> Sunday breakfast is going to be cheese & sausage muffins, a bowl of fresh cut up fruit (peaches, nectarines, pineapple, strawberries, blueberries, kiwi), cranberry juice.
> 
> Sunday dinner will be roast chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, Brussels sprouts and, of course, a salad. Peanut butter pie for dessert.
> 
> Sunday supper? I'll scrounge up something.



I think I'm in love ... or maybe it's just gas. 



> And Phil? Sunday is Valentine's Day. I'm very fond of chocolate. Just sayin...



Oh, I'm SO sorry - that's a deal-breaker. I'm a staunch advocate of Anti-Valentine's Day. Can I get you a nice package of Limburger cheese instead? Or how about a nice barely-worn pair of underwear from the Salvation Army store?


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## GeorgiaXplant (Feb 12, 2016)

I knew it wouldn't last. Now I'm going to bed and cry myself to sleep


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## fureverywhere (Feb 12, 2016)

Crap Georgia, how do you feel about girls...cooking like that and I'd be right over We could share Philly


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## SifuPhil (Feb 12, 2016)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> I knew it wouldn't last. Now I'm going to bed and cry myself to sleep



Awww - don't cry!

Just walk away and don't even THINK about palimony ... 



fureverywhere said:


> Crap Georgia, how do you feel about girls...cooking like that and I'd be right over We could share Philly



Yeah, the food WAS good, and I - 

...

Whoa, hold the wagon train - *share?* I don't share well - I'm Italian ...


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## fureverywhere (Feb 12, 2016)

Ayee Ahtso!, two women and food...what else could ya ask for?


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## SifuPhil (Feb 12, 2016)

fureverywhere said:


> Ayee Ahtso!, two women and food...what else could ya ask for?




250 channels on satellite and a heated recliner? *burp*


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## fureverywhere (Feb 12, 2016)

Okay granted, sit back and stop kvetching...


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## SifuPhil (Feb 12, 2016)

fureverywhere said:


> Okay granted, sit back and stop kvetching...



Yay! Hi, ladies!

I'm hungry - what's to eat? 

*scratch, burp*


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## fureverywhere (Feb 12, 2016)

Ask her...I'm almost to sleep babeee....


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## AprilT (Feb 12, 2016)

I have been on dates/dated a few pro chefs and restauranteurs, I would advise against dating based on that criteria.  If he just happens to enjoy cooking in general , though, then that sounds good to me.  I think I may attract some chefs because they assume they're getting someone with a hefty appetite.  Last one I met was in the produce isle of supermarket.  His intro was to ask me about what to use or how to prepare eggplant,  after I told him, he confessed his profession. I just rolled my eyes, laughed and walked away I was in a hurry, but I slowed down to be helpful to a person I thought needed assistance.


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## nitelite (Feb 12, 2016)

I stopped looking for a man because I could not find one with all three of the following: Honesty, Communicative, and Sexually Romantic.


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## mitchezz (Feb 12, 2016)

AprilT said:


> I have been on dates/dated a few pro chefs and restauranteurs, I would advise against dating based on that criteria.  If he just happens to enjoy cooking in general , though, then that sounds good to me.  I think I may attract some chefs because they assume they're getting someone with a hefty appetite.  Last one I met was in the produce isle of supermarket.  His intro was to ask me about what to use or how to prepare eggplant,  after I told him, he confessed his profession. I just rolled my eyes, laughed and asked away I was in a hurry, but I slowed down to be helpful to a person I thought needed assistance.



Never mind Arpil.....anyway chefs are usually at work at lunch and dinner time.


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## AprilT (Feb 13, 2016)

mitchezz said:


> Never mind Arpil.....anyway chefs are usually at work at lunch and dinner time.



Often, but some older gents, only do catered affairs and various functions leaving them plenty of play time, also, the ones who own their own establishments you can, often, dine at their restaurants any time you feel up to it.   ===================

==========================================================================================

Funny story, today standing in line at the deli, a gent, another customer, who was also waiting in line, walks over to me with a big smile and ask if I was waiting for him, ask i he could help me, I tell you, some of these guys out here are truly bold, polite, bold.  One of these days, I'm going to flirt back and watch them squirm, well I hope that's all I hope they'll do.  Truth is, I'm totally awkward when it comes to flirting in person with someone I don't know, so even though most times, I don't want to be bothered, even when I may be interested, I really would blow it anyway by saying something stupid or insulting, just my moniker.  :dunno:


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## mitchezz (Feb 13, 2016)

I must be shopping at the wrong deli.


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## fureverywhere (Feb 13, 2016)

Exactly, there are nice older guys EVERYWHERE. You just have to keep your eyes open. Like If I was single there's this gentleman who is a teller at the local bank. Not a super paying profession of course but MRRROW. He always gives me this beautiful smile...Denzel with grayer hair...oh and no wedding ring. See the possibilities???


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## SifuPhil (Feb 13, 2016)

fureverywhere said:


> Exactly, there are nice older guys EVERYWHERE. You just have to keep your eyes open. Like If I was single there's this gentleman who is a teller at the local bank. Not a super paying profession of course but MRRROW. He always gives me this beautiful smile...Denzel with grayer hair...oh and no wedding ring. *See the possibilities*???



Yes - he takes off the ring every day just before he starts work. layful:


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## fureverywhere (Feb 13, 2016)

Yes - he takes off the ring every day just before he starts work. layful: 

Heeheehee of course you have a valid point. Then again, I don't know if it happens with men or even all women. But as you get older your hands change and rings change in fit. I couldn't get my wedding or engagement ring off if my life depended on it. They have to take my finger off first...jus' sayin'


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## SifuPhil (Feb 13, 2016)

It took me two months, a few tubes of K-Y and a Dremel cutting wheel to get mine off after the divorce ...


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## fureverywhere (Feb 13, 2016)

So I mean removing it daily might be tricky for some folks.


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## BlunderWoman (Feb 14, 2016)

A couple of years after my divorce my son walked in a heard me telling my daughters how a man at the pharmacy  had asked me out to dinner . He was instantly furious and said " What kind of a SICK bas%$#d would ask HER out?!!" It made me feel so_ special _.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Feb 14, 2016)

I'd probably have given him a back-hander that would have landed him in the middle of next week. Just sayin...


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## BlunderWoman (Feb 14, 2016)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> I'd probably have given him a back-hander that would have landed him in the middle of next week. Just sayin...


That kid is very protective. He can only see me as his mother. The idea of someone dating his mother really didn't set well with him. When I had my car wreck & broke my neck that kid actually cried a little at the hospital after he saw me .


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## GeorgiaXplant (Feb 14, 2016)

My bad, Blunder. I read that as though he meant that you weren't a person who'd be attractive enough or interesting enough that somebody would want to date.

Now I get it. Where are kids are concerned, parents are sexless beings who never bumped uglies, and they have no idea how THEY got here, much less think that we might still be seen as people that someone of the opposite sex might want to know



BlunderWoman said:


> A couple of years after my divorce my son walked in a heard me telling my daughters how a man at the pharmacy  had asked me out to dinner . He was instantly furious and said " What kind of a SICK bas%$#d would ask HER out?!!" It made me feel so_ special _.


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