# Dating Safely Online



## JonSR77 (May 16, 2022)

Dating Safely Online - 2 Links

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from AARP


Dating Safety in Age of Technology​Ready to start looking for love online? Keep your eyes wide open​by Laura Petrecca, AARP, March 22, 2019

https://www.aarp.org/home-family/dating/info-2019/online-dating-safety.html

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Online Dating and Dating App Safety Tips

From RAINN

https://www.rainn.org/articles/online-dating-and-dating-app-safety-tips

The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) is an American nonprofit anti-****** assault organization, the largest in the United States.RAINN operates the National ****** Assault Hotline, as well as the Department of Defense (DoD) Safe Helpline, and carries out programs to prevent ****** assault, help survivors, and ensure that perpetrators are brought to justice through victim services, public education, public policy, and consulting services.


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## Marie5656 (May 16, 2022)

*No way in these times would I even consider dating online. But of course, I have no interest in dating any longer*


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## JonSR77 (May 16, 2022)

Marie5656 said:


> *No way in these times would I even consider dating online. But of course, I have no interest in dating any longer*



I am with Marie. I really can't see how dating an anonymous identity is safe. 

Yet, I do know people who have found nice relationships from online dating, 

but...well, I guess the deal is that you have to find a way to confirm the other person's real world identity, before the relationship goes anywhere and certainly before you meet in person.

I mean, I know a Private Investigator could absolutely do that if you wanted to spend a little money.  I am sure they could do it for less than $500...but I don't know how much less.


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## Marie5656 (May 16, 2022)

Closet it came for me was someone I knew online asked if she could introduce me to a friend of hers....we all lived in this area.  Needless to say, the intro took LOL


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## JonSR77 (May 16, 2022)

Here's another article from PC World

Don’t get ‘catfished:’ Tips for vetting a stranger’s online identity​
https://www.pcworld.com/article/447...-for-vetting-a-strangers-online-identity.html

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But personally, I don't think that is enough.

I think you have to interact with them enough to get some information, which you can verify in the real world.

For example, my wife works for a major university. If someone says he is a professor at a university...you can call the university and see if the person approaching you is real. And I don't just mean seeing the person's name in print. Connect with them through the university's switchboard...and make sure that name is the actual person you have been communicating with.

And if you can't confirm things that directly? I say...just stay away.

Meet someone online who says he is religious. Call his pastor, confirm his identity, tell the pastor the issue and ask him to confirm that you are not talking to a scammer of some kind.

Without that kind of direct information? You could be talking to anyone, including a professional and dangerous con man...


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## Pepper (Jun 10, 2022)

There's a Swavroski store a block away from me.  They have such pretty stuff.


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## Bella (Jun 10, 2022)

My experience with online dating is that I have none. I know a couple of people who've had success with it. Good for them, they're braver than I am! Especially in the time of Covid, I understand how hard it's become to meet people in “real life,” but the thought of putting myself out there in a public meat market is so unappealing. I feel too vulnerable and don't want to deal with all the deception that I've read about. Sure, I'd like to meet someone I have things in common with, but I just can't bring myself to do it online.

Bella


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## Jan14 (Jun 10, 2022)

I looked but too afraid to meet.


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## Pepper (Jun 10, 2022)

Online dating---that's why shiksas use JDate.  Safer, generally.  Only repeating what friends have told me.


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## David777 (Jun 10, 2022)

Never used online dating or dating organizations though understand why they are popular with younger adult segments of our culture.  Just conjures up a lot of foulness.  Reflected by the kind of media ads they use.  Usually targeting the myriad lonely men in our world by showing ad pictures of some attractive woman supposedly within their organization.  How obviously baited like willing dullards.  

But then there are large numbers of people of both sexes that even when young are rather physically plain to unattractive.  What are they supposed to do?   Welcome to modern 21st century times when given world wide transportation and migration, people across the planet from A to Z from European royal elites to third world dirt subsistence natives are suddenly mixing in competition with everyone else while media constantly bombards us with attractive bodies and celebrities.


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## leigh91657 (Jun 10, 2022)

I’ve used online dating a few times.

I tend to be a bit of an introvert, so it seemed like a good option. I had a 50 mile limit and have never had any problems with anyone. I dated the last for a couple of years.

You do have to keep your wits about you. Don’t jump into anything. If they seem too good to be true, they’re probably a scammer.

People also lie sometimes.

 I was in my early 40s.  According  to his profile he was 52 years old, 5’8” with an athletic build.

He was a nice guy, but he was my height, 5’, very skinny and had to be at least in his late 60s.

Needless to say, that didn’t work out.


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## Blessed (Jun 10, 2022)

I would have my eyes poked out with a sharp stick, toothpicks shoved under my fingernails and have my hair set on fire than try online dating.


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## win231 (Jun 10, 2022)

Marie5656 said:


> *No way in these times would I even consider dating online. But of course, I have no interest in dating any longer*


Aw, c'mon.
What about us, baby?   *US?*


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## Packerjohn (Jun 11, 2022)

For many people this is the reality:  A man sits in a bar and  keeps scrolling through his "tinder" account looking for the "right" woman.  Mean while, sitting next to him in the bar is this beautiful, single woman wishing someone would talk to her.  Unfortunately too many people are looking for the fantasy rather than the reality.


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## Geezerette (Jun 11, 2022)

Seems so much safer to me to just get out and  circulate. SR centers, church activities, take classes, go to a gym,crafts, volunteer and fund raising projects, politics if so inclined. Meet and observe whole people in real life, see what others think of them.
I would just never feel safe going out to meet someone I only know through internet posts and pictures.


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## FastTrax (Jun 11, 2022)

The two safest places to find a mate.

1. Church

2. Walmart Superstore food section after 1:00 AM

Warning: Always ask for a recent photo of your prospective date holding a newspaper with the date on it.


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## win231 (Jun 12, 2022)

A bar is not a good place to find a mate.

A woman walked into a bar in Austin & saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table.
He had the biggest feet she'd ever seen.
She asked the cowboy if it was true what they say about men with big feet.
The cowboy grinned & said, _"Why sure, little lady! Why don't ya come on out to the bunk house & let me prove it to ya?"_
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.
The next morning she handed him a $100.00 bill. 
Blushing, he said, _"Well thank ya, ma'am.....I'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."_
The woman replied, _"Take the money & buy yourself some boots that fit."_


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## Been There (Jun 12, 2022)

I always enjoyed going on blind dates.


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## Tish (Jun 12, 2022)

Nope, not a chance in hell will I be dating online.


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## Jeni (Jun 14, 2022)

have not done traditional dating online but have met some very nice friends and i would  date a couple of them if 
A. we were in same area 
B. we were not married to other people .......lol


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## feywon (Jun 14, 2022)

JonSR77 said:


> I am with Marie. I really can't see how dating an anonymous identity is safe.
> 
> Yet, I do know people who have found nice relationships from online dating,
> 
> ...


Actually there are background check websites that are more reasonably priced. But there's a lot you can verify and check out yourself.

Like @Marie5656  i'm not interested in dating anymore. I'm happy simply havng cyberfriends.  However, i really don't think.online dating any more risky than 3D world dating, as long as you don't disengage your brain.

And don't forget you can do *some* checking of that 'nice' person you met at church, the senior center or while volunteering somewhere using the internt.  All you need is a first and last name, and some idea of where they have lived. Sometimes it can lead you there online activity on various sites.

If they give you specific info about working at any large business, institution of higher learning or medical facility and you're comfortable telling a white lie you can call ask for HR and say you're trying to verify current (or former if they say they are retired) employment.  You'd be surprised the info that can be turned up just with the name, especially if not very common.

While there are legal limits -- they can't volunteer job titles or salary-- but they  can confirm or deny any info you have. Most won't even ask where you are calling from, but you'll be more believable if you start by saying  "I'm (fake name) from (fake company--or less traceable say you're verifying as part of credit check because they are going to rent a property from you directly). Similar ruses can usually be used to confirm education, degrees they claim to have.


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## fuzzybuddy (Jun 18, 2022)

I'm 32. 6'2" ,180. I work out in the gym three times/week. Own 4 businesses, 28-acre sea side estate, with horse stables, 6 vehicles, private plane & runway. Looking for one to love,  and I never lie. Please forward pic and bank acct. numbers.


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## feywon (Jun 18, 2022)

fuzzybuddy said:


> I'm 32. 6'2" ,180. I work out in the gym three times/week. Own 4 businesses, 28-acre sea side estate, with horse stables, 6 vehicles, private plane & runway. Looking for one to love,  and I never lie. Please forward pic and bank acct. numbers.


And some those catfishers, male and female will actually lift photos of other people to support their claims of being fit. That way they don't have to sound bragdocious about looks, just grab a photo of someone attractive.


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## Mizmo (Jun 18, 2022)

Hahaha..
This reminds me of a time way back 1999 when I met up with a 'gentleman' from a forum for a coffee and chat in person in a local mall. 
I was living in London, Ontario at that time, a very nice place to live.  We had chats on and off in different posts and I thought he seemed rather interesting.
So we met, ordered coffee in usual food court area in malls, sat down, chatted about the forum  for a few minutes and then he said.....
......okay , which motel would you like to go to......
I din't even answer....just got up and hastily made my retreat
I never saw any more posts by him after that.


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## Alligatorob (Jun 18, 2022)

leigh91657 said:


> I was in my early 40s. According to his profile he was 52 years old, 5’8” with an athletic build.
> 
> He was a nice guy, but he was my height, 5’, very skinny and had to be at least in his late 60s.
> 
> Needless to say, that didn’t work out.


Because he was short, skinny, and old?

Or because he lied to you?


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## Alligatorob (Jun 18, 2022)

fuzzybuddy said:


> I'm 32. 6'2" ,180. I work out in the gym three times/week. Own 4 businesses, 28-acre sea side estate, with horse stables, 6 vehicles, private plane & runway.


Sounds like me!

Except for most every detail anyway...

You can still send me your banking info, I will treat it every bit as carefully as the person posting the ad.


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## feywon (Jun 18, 2022)

Alligatorob said:


> Because he was short, skinny, and old?
> 
> Or because he lied to you?


Good questions.


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## Em in Ohio (Jun 18, 2022)

I met a best long-distance friend because we both belonged to a small artist site.  After years of emailing and chatting and sharing, we finally met.  It was wonderful.  But, before we met - I did a quite thorough search to verify his identity.  

Now, no way will I date a flesh and blood person I can see, let alone someone I met online.  I'm determined to avoid drama and disappointment!  (Or those awful questions that plague those of us who are insecure: "Did he like me?" "Why hasn't he called me at the time he said he would?" "Did I say something wrong?")

At my age, people have LONG histories.  Those histories could have been expunged from criminal records or hidden by name changes - and many who could testify for or against the person's character may be dead.  Way to scary for me!


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## Leann (Jun 18, 2022)

I met my SO on an online dating site. I live in a small, rural town and there aren't any venues to meet people. I don't drink so bars aren't an option (plus I think there might only be one bar in my town) and there aren't any church or community socials that I've been able to find. He and I live about 25-30 miles apart so it's not terrible.

His profile was accurate with one exception. He listed his height at 6'3" and I happened to mention to him on the phone before we met that he was rather tall (and that it was a good thing). I told him that my Dad was the same height. Then he said something about having lost about an inch of height as he's gotten older and that he's now about 5'11". I said _wait, that would mean that you're now 6'2" not 5'11". _Anyhow, when I finally met him in person, he's probably 5'9" (I'm 5'6"). Now, you might shrug your shoulders and think _so what?_ but unvarnished honesty matters. So it makes me wonder every now and then if there are other things that he's withholding.

We've been dating for about 15 months now. We don't live together, we usually see one another on the weekends and we talk a few minutes each day. While I think it has been going well (we have hit a few bumps in the road but managed to resolve them), I still don't feel as if I know him as well as I would like at this point. I don't know if that's a function of having met online or if it's just his personality compared to mine.


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## feywon (Jun 18, 2022)

I actually know at least two happy couples who met online, but not on dating sites.  Both couples met on Eons, which was a forum type site like this dedicated to seniors.  They got to know each other well over time thru their exchanges not just with each other, but observing their interactions with third parties, noting the consistency of how they presented themselves and how they actually behaved towards others.


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## C50 (Jun 18, 2022)

I had fun with online dating after I divorced, met some very nice ladies and quite a few yucks.  Yes there are plenty of scammers but it's easy to sniff them out, at least I thought so.  I only met a couple of wackos but they were certainly memorable.


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## Jeni (Jun 19, 2022)

I belong to an exercise type forum also .......... 
Many both male and female post photos that look more like a dating profile shot then a fitness or see how i lost weight type photo..... shirtless for the guys .... lot of behind photos with type exercise outfits with ladies and pouts that looks like blowing a kiss selfie shots  ......
and YET the ACT surprised or offended someone HIT on them. 

there are evidently scammers there ......bit honestly i rarely accept random friend requests etc.... do not post photos and stay vague about location. 
IF all the flags are there....lots of FREE basic searches about people if name is correct etc....

it is simple if you have a friendship and chat fine
  IF or when they ask for money/ or information etc that you would not share with a stranger .....block them and move on....


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## Packerjohn (Jun 19, 2022)

Blessed said:


> I would have my eyes poked out with a sharp stick, toothpicks shoved under my fingernails and have my hair set on fire than try online dating.


Really?  I met my last wife on a dating site and she was my soul mate.  It isn't all bad, you have to use common sense but the trouble is that with technology and that darn smartphone, most people no longer have common sense.  I think they have become "consumer zombies."


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## feywon (Jun 19, 2022)

Leann said:


> I met my SO on an online dating site. I live in a small, rural town and there aren't any venues to meet people. I don't drink so bars aren't an option (plus I think there might only be one bar in my town) and there aren't any church or community socials that I've been able to find. He and I live about 25-30 miles apart so it's not terrible.
> 
> His profile was accurate with one exception. He listed his height at 6'3" and I happened to mention to him on the phone before we met that he was rather tall (and that it was a good thing). I told him that my Dad was the same height. Then he said something about having lost about an inch of height as he's gotten older and that he's now about 5'11". I said _wait, that would mean that you're now 6'2" not 5'11". _Anyhow, when I finally met him in person, he's probably 5'9" (I'm 5'6"). Now, you might shrug your shoulders and think _so what?_ but unvarnished honesty matters. So it makes me wonder every now and then if there are other things that he's withholding.
> 
> We've been dating for about 15 months now. We don't live together, we usually see one another on the weekends and we talk a few minutes each day. While I think it has been going well (we have hit a few bumps in the road but managed to resolve them), I still don't feel as if I know him as well as I would like at this point. I don't know if that's a function of having met online or if it's just his personality compared to mine.


If height is the only thing he's lied about (and if you haven't already at least Googled his name, do it now, and at least what background check you can do free or affordably) my concern wouldn't be the lie as much as why he felt he needed to lie. 

Part of the answer can lie in cultural norms that say men should be taller than their female partners.   Not all short men are pathologically disturbed by it, some grow out of letting it bother them. They  develope a healthy confidence in who they are and choose partners  on personality not height. Both stand up comic Brad Williams and actor Peter Dinklage are married to average height women more than a foot taller than they are.

 But there's two ways insecurity about height can effect a man that are unhealthy for him and problematic for his partner:  Either he has a chip on his shoulder and over compensates by being extra macho (which can often result in unnecessary aggressiveness in most interactions with other people);  or he lies about his height, dates only shorter or same height women, often asking them to only wear flat shoes no matter where they going. Both ways can cause mild to extreme discomfort for any potential partner.

In my mind height is irrelevant. I was 5' 4 3/4" inches at my tallest (down to 5'3" now) and dated more than one man same height or shorter and/or smaller framed than myself.  And if i'd met a man of Peter Dinklage's physical stature with Dinklage's intelligence when i was still interested in 'romantic' relationships i'd have dated him in a heartbeat if asked.


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## bowmore (Jun 19, 2022)

You have to be careful about running those searches. I found a number of people with the same first and last name as mine all over the country. Also, on one search site it said I was 45, had a real estate license, was single, and had a net worth of $45K!


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## feywon (Jun 19, 2022)

bowmore said:


> You have to be careful about running those searches. I found a number of people with the same first and last name as mine all over the country. Also, on one search site it said I was 45, had a real estate license, was single, and had a net worth of $45K!


True i've run into that same name issue trying to find old friends.
But unless the person is a full-on scam artist who is feeding you info they got online that actually belongs to someone else, and even then there areways to check it out: Location and occupation should match or it might be just a person by same name.

Never abandon common sense and reason, especially in matters of the heart whether online or in 3D world.  And one good way to get some idea about honesty is to say you background checks if relationship developing.  See how they react.


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