# Living Alone Should Be Temporary ONLY



## Mitch86 (Feb 1, 2022)

If folks live alone, they should always be on the lookout for someone of the opposite sex who is also living alone. Two lonely people can get together and never be alone again. I am married for 61 years now, BUT, if my partner died, I'd be looking for another mate.  There is always someone out there who can be a companion to ease your loneliness if you agree to ease their loneliness.

By the way, we each cover a unique part of our joint existence. My wife is my caregiver, food preparer and home maker. I am the financial manager. We each fill weaknesses in the existence of the other.


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## Ruthanne (Feb 1, 2022)

That's your Opinion and I don't agree.  What makes you the expert on it anyhow.....


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## bingo (Feb 1, 2022)

so wonderful  for you


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## Rah-Rah (Feb 1, 2022)

I married my high school sweetheart at the age of 20 and will be married 35 years this year. Once one of us dies and if it is me who survives the longest,  I do not feel I will not be completely lonely because I will feel I will have years and decades of memories to continue to look back on and those memories will make me smile everyday that I have left. I will still also have my daughters and my soon grandchildren in my life for the remainder of my life to keep me happy and to keep me from being lonely. I just don't feel anyone can replace the love of my life(my husband).


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## Geezerette (Feb 1, 2022)

Mitch, too many men of your generation think the role in which you have cast your wife is the only suitable one for women.. just another housekeeper. If it works for you two, fine, and it seems that some women of that age are satisfied with that role.
I’ve lived alone  since the last adult child moved out, and they are both grandparents themselves now. I’ve met some nice gentlemen friends during that time but no interest on either side about moving in together. And I’m not about to do anyone else’s cooking and cleaning except my own.


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## Rah-Rah (Feb 1, 2022)

I have been a stay at home mother to my two daughters and housewife pretty much all through my married years although my husband had/has no choice in casting me into that role. That is a role that I took on and enjoyed my entire life. It is also not an easy life as well. My husband if I went to him today and said I want to start applying for jobs he would be all for it.


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## Pinky (Feb 1, 2022)

Husband's grandfather was widowed and later shared living accommodations with a woman who was in the same position. It worked for them. After she passed on, he went to a couple of senior's residences.

It may or may not work for everyone, but, it worked for them.

If I should be widowed, I would choose to live on my own.


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## Pepper (Feb 1, 2022)

This topic came up between me & husband only a few months before he died suddenly, no forewarning.  When we asked each other that question, we shouted our answer, practically in unison!! *NO, NO ONE IS GOING TO BOSS ME AROUND EVER AGAIN!*

I was so flattered that he thought I bossed him!   I never did remarry but it had everything to do with a decline in my health than anything else.


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## JustBonee (Feb 1, 2022)

I feel sorry for any woman who feels she needs to cook, clean and  be a nursemaid  for a man to keep from being 'alone'.
Give me alone any day over that existence.


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## Marie5656 (Feb 1, 2022)

*Umm...no. I lived alone for over 40 years before I married my wonderful husband. And, since 2019, I have been alone again.  I enjoy my solitary company, and I also miss my husband.  But, that being said, I do not feel the need to find another partner.  *


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## Aunt Bea (Feb 1, 2022)

I'm content to walk these last few miles alone.


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## Alligatorob (Feb 1, 2022)

Mitch86 said:


> I am married for 61 years now, BUT, if my partner died, I'd be looking for another mate.


Well, I hope that doesn't happen to you, but realistically one of you is likely to die before the other.  I think your attitude is a tribute to your marriage and mate.


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## Remy (Feb 1, 2022)

It's not a bad idea. I think it's easier for some to be alone than others. And there is no right and wrong. The only bad thing is if someone is in an abusive relationship to keep from being alone.


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## oldiebutgoody (Feb 1, 2022)

Mitch86 said:


> If folks live alone, they should always be on the lookout for someone of the opposite sex who is also living alone.




Hey I'm all for some wealthy heiress coming into my life. Hopefully she'll take your message to heart and bring her checkbook into our meeting ...


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## mellowyellow (Feb 1, 2022)

No one else would measure up, so if it happens after 55 years, I'm in big trouble, living alone would freak me out.


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## Jules (Feb 1, 2022)

Mitch86 said:


> wife is my caregiver, food preparer and home maker. I am the financial manager.


Fat chance that I’d turn my finances over to someone at this point in my life.  I’m not interested in being a maid either.


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## Ruthanne (Feb 1, 2022)

Mitch86 said:


> If folks live alone, they should always be on the lookout for someone of the opposite sex who is also living alone. Two lonely people can get together and never be alone again. I am married for 61 years now, BUT, if my partner died, I'd be looking for another mate.  There is always someone out there who can be a companion to ease your loneliness if you agree to ease their loneliness.
> 
> By the way, we each cover a unique part of our joint existence. My wife is my caregiver, food preparer and home maker. I am the financial manager. We each fill weaknesses in the existence of the other.


Why should we always be looking for someone of the opposite sex?  Some people like the same sex for friendship or a ****** partner.  

We are not all cut out the same as you.  Some enjoy living without someone.


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## katlupe (Feb 1, 2022)

I am alone now for the first time in my life. I had to do everything I could to get out of a miserable marriage four years ago and I would never live with anyone ever again. I wish I had done it when I was in my twenties. I do though, have a relationship with a man who also lives alone. I told him right from the start that I will never live with him nor marry him and he understood. I think he actually likes it now. Having his own place and able to do what he wants.


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## Autumn72 (Feb 1, 2022)

Pepper said:


> This topic came up between me & husband only a few months before he died suddenly, no forewarning.  When we asked each other that question, we shouted our answer, practically in unison!! *NO, NO ONE IS GOING TO BOSS ME AROUND EVER AGAIN!*
> 
> I was so flattered that he thought I bossed him!   I never did remarry but it had everything to do with a decline in my health than anything else.


Unsure of what you mean decline in your health? Please explain


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## Autumn72 (Feb 1, 2022)

7 years is too long for me totally alone. So I would want a good life with a good person to love each other and not betray or disrespect


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## Ruthanne (Feb 1, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Why should we always be looking for someone of the opposite sex?  Some people like the same sex for friendship or a ****** partner.
> 
> We are not all cut out the same as you.  Some enjoy living without someone.


It's not sad @Autumn72 I enjoy it, no one controls me or tries to.


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## Lavinia (Feb 1, 2022)

You're assuming that everyone who lives alone is lonely. I assure that is not the case. Many people are perfectly content to live alone, especially if the alternative is to be at someone else's  beck and call.
One of the reasons I left my husband was because he enjoyed being an invalid and I knew what the future held if I stayed with him. Ironically, he is now living with his invalid brother!


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## Autumn72 (Feb 1, 2022)

Point is not to get together with a bossy jerk.
Or someone who wants to play dead. No, I mean a mutual love to love each other and do couchless potato events as dating


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## Pepper (Feb 2, 2022)

Autumn72 said:


> Unsure of what you mean decline in your health? Please explain


A few years after he died I woke up one morning & said out loud (must have been dreaming about this) "I want to get married again!"  Almost immediately, my mother was killed and I had my first bout with cancer.  Health has not been good ever since and it kind of hurt my desire.


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## katlupe (Feb 2, 2022)

Autumn72 said:


> Point is not to get together with a bossy jerk.
> Or someone who wants to play dead. No, I mean a mutual love to love each other and do couchless potato events as dating


But you can do that and not get married or even live together. I go out with my bf often. He talks to me on the phone every single day. First thing he does when he wakes up in the morning is to call me. But he has a lot of friends and family so he does other things that I do not care to do. He is more social than I am. So it works out good for us.


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## Trish (Feb 2, 2022)

Mitch86 said:


> If folks live alone, they should always be on the lookout for someone of the opposite sex who is also living alone. Two lonely people can get together and never be alone again. I am married for 61 years now, BUT, if my partner died, I'd be looking for another mate.  There is always someone out there who can be a companion to ease your loneliness if you agree to ease their loneliness.
> 
> By the way, we each cover a unique part of our joint existence. My wife is my caregiver, food preparer and home maker. I am the financial manager. We each fill weaknesses in the existence of the other.



When I read this Mitch86 I thought _"nonsense!"_ but, on further consideration, you may be on to something.  Might be nice to have a bloke do the cooking, shopping, housework and cater to my every need and desire while I "manage" the finances


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## oldiebutgoody (Feb 2, 2022)

Mitch86 said:


> I am the financial manager.




I notice how some of the women here said they don't want to be house cleaner. Can't say I blame them.  But then, I wouldn't want to be somebody's meal ticket.  Let her pay her own bills (and mine, too).


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## Pepper (Feb 2, 2022)

Spoken like a misogynist @oldiebutgoody 
Old fashioned notion as well.


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## Becky1951 (Feb 2, 2022)

I'm happier now then I was the last 10 years of marriage. I'll never remarry.

For those wishing companship, you don't need to get married, find someone to share living expenses and chores. That way if it doesn't work out, no messy costly divorce.


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## Trish (Feb 2, 2022)

oldiebutgoody said:


> I notice how some of the women here said they don't want to be house cleaner. Can't say I blame them.  But then, I wouldn't want to be somebody's meal ticket.  Let her pay her own bills (and mine, too).



No one wants to be the cleaner or the meal ticket


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## bingo (Feb 2, 2022)

i couldn't  take  care of things here...alone...my husband's  my rock...i  am not well


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## Jules (Feb 2, 2022)

oldiebutgoody said:


> I notice how some of the women here said they don't want to be house cleaner. Can't say I blame them.  But then, I wouldn't want to be somebody's meal ticket.  Let her pay her own bills (and mine, too).


Mitch didn’t say he wanted to provide the money, just manage it.


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## Packerjohn (Feb 2, 2022)

Mitch86 said:


> If folks live alone, they should always be on the lookout for someone of the opposite sex who is also living alone. Two lonely people can get together and never be alone again. I am married for 61 years now, BUT, if my partner died, I'd be looking for another mate.  There is always someone out there who can be a companion to ease your loneliness if you agree to ease their loneliness.
> 
> By the way, we each cover a unique part of our joint existence. My wife is my caregiver, food preparer and home maker. I am the financial manager. We each fill weaknesses in the existence of the other.


Good for you Mitch86.  I agree with you 100% but I had to laugh when I first read your comment.  Why?  There are so many ladies on this website that over the years I have read their comments which basically boils down to "I'M FINISHED WITH MEN."  I am glad that you made your comment but I wouldn't be surprised if the Voodoo ladies are already sticking pins into your likenesss!  Like you, I think that you are never too old to find love or to be loved but then I have always blown against the wind.  As for me, I'm not finished with ladies and I don't think I will be; not as long as I'm still breathing.  Once again, more power to you Mitch86 for speaking your piece.


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## Packerjohn (Feb 2, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> That's your Opinion and I don't agree.  What makes you the expert on it anyhow.....


He is not an expert.  He is just expressing a personal opinion.


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## Packerjohn (Feb 2, 2022)

Autumn72 said:


> 7 years is too long for me totally alone. So I would want a good life with a good person to love each other and not betray or disrespect


That's a great statement and the key word is "good."  There is nothing as good as being married to a good person.  No one wants to be married to an abusive person, a gold digger, a druggie, an alcohol or anything along those lines.  Some of us are lucky and some of us are not.  I have been married twice and boy or boy, was I lucky and that is why I believe that I will never give up on love.


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## Becky1951 (Feb 2, 2022)

Packerjohn said:


> Good for you Mitch86.  I agree with you 100% but I had to laugh when I first read your comment.  Why?  There are so many ladies on this website that over the years I have read their comments which basically boils down to "I'M FINISHED WITH MEN."*  I am glad that you made your comment but I wouldn't be surprised if the Voodoo ladies are already sticking pins into your likenesss!  *Like you, I think that you are never too old to find love or to be loved but then I have always blown against the wind.  As for me, I'm not finished with ladies and I don't think I will be; not as long as I'm still breathing.  Once again, more power to you Mitch86 for speaking your piece.


Oh oh ladies our secret voodoo society has been found out!


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## oldiebutgoody (Feb 2, 2022)

Jules said:


> Mitch didn’t say he wanted to provide the money, just manage it.




I realize that.  My point being that if anyone wanted to enter my life she is welcomed along with her checkbook.


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## oldiebutgoody (Feb 2, 2022)

Pepper said:


> Spoken like a misogynist @oldiebutgoody
> Old fashioned notion as well.




Wait a sec  -- are those women who dislike the old traditional ways are misandrist?  

Just for the record, I don't quite think so.


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## feywon (Feb 2, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Why should we always be looking for someone of the opposite sex?  Some people like the same sex for friendship or a ****** partner.
> 
> We are not all cut out the same as you.  Some enjoy living without someone.


Yes, and if economics or health factors make it wiser to not live alone--- find a compatible roommate.  Someone to share expenses  and be around daily to make sure each other doing ok. 

If my daughter was not here i likely would live alone  until it seemed wiser to have live in company. But romance would complicate what could be a practical if friendly relationship.


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## David777 (Feb 2, 2022)

Can understand the perspective of those long married and now content to cruise mateless through years into eternity.

Before 2017 retirement was often too busy with career and leisure activities to feel alone.  Working in large labs and offices provided continuous opportunity for gregariousness.  Especially since the pandemic began stifling activities with others in public, now at age 73, I do not like being alone.  But the thread is more about finding a compatible soul mate than just a friend and to that end indeed also would be much more happy with the right woman to share my remaining time as I seek something immensely deep.


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## mrstime (Feb 2, 2022)

I always said if I found myself alone I'd give a woman free room and board if she would do housework and cook. She wouldn't really have to cook I could live on TV dinners. However now I would give our son the master bedroom and I would take the front bedroom we could share the living room and kitchen he could have the large back room that right now serves as a parking lot for our scooters and his work room. We would have to have the mother of all yard sales!


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## Autumn72 (Feb 2, 2022)

Packerjohn said:


> That's a great statement and the key word is "good."  There is nothing as good as being married to a good person.  No one wants to be married to an abusive person, a gold digger, a druggie, an alcohol or anything along those lines.  Some of us are lucky and some of us are not.  I have been married twice and boy or boy, was I lucky and that is why I believe that I will never give up on love.


I for one love your outlook on life and love 
You sure gave me thst extra boost to believe thanks to your help in seeing beyond the heartaches


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## Pepper (Feb 3, 2022)

oldiebutgoody said:


> Wait a sec  -- are those women who dislike the old traditional ways are misandrist?
> 
> Just for the record, I don't quite think so.


"Yossarian is alive and well and living in Sweden"
is bringing such odd feelings of wellness and calm into my heart and I don't remember why, just feels so good.

Thank you for bringing this back to me.
A permanent truce between us, forever.

eta
Doesn't mean we will never argue, but you know that!


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## Lewkat (Feb 3, 2022)

I've been single longer than I was married.  I am fine by myself.  Can see who I wish or enjoy my solitude.  Of course my son doesn't let me rest too long lest I learn to love it.


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## oldiebutgoody (Feb 3, 2022)

Pepper said:


> "Yossarian is alive and well and living in Sweden"
> is bringing such odd feelings of wellness and calm into my heart and I don't remember why, just feels so good.
> 
> Thank you for bringing this back to me.
> ...




re Yossarian ~ *Catch 22 *was a perennial classic  on campus.  Seems like that term was used each and every day.  I believe every CCNY Beaver read the book back then.  Was quite the fashion in Gotham back in the day.

''permanent truce"  ???  Why, I have not begun to "fight"!  _En garde!_











For folks who don't know it, we CCNY Beavers are long standing fans of the great sport of fencing - our team goes way back to 1920.  I subscribe to FIE channel on youtube and watch many tournaments every year.  (By the way, this is further proof there is no such thing as being "alone".)


_Allez!_


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## C50 (Feb 3, 2022)

I think this is a typical case of different strokes for different folks.  I have lived alone for seven years and it's the happiest I have been since I was in my twenties.  For me it's a very peaceful life, free of others influence on how I spend my day.  

I actually feel sorry for people who are afraid to be alone.


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## helenbacque (Feb 3, 2022)

"It is better to be alone than in bad company":  George Washington


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## palides2021 (Feb 3, 2022)

It's interesting to see all these posts and different viewpoints in response to @Mitch86's statement. I respect Mitch's post, and all your posts and wish you all the best of luck! 

I've had the opportunity to be in two relationships in my life: a short, abusive relationship with a mentally ill person, and it took me a long time to heal. I thought I was finished with relationships, then I found the love of my life (I wasn't looking, it just happened) and I consider it a miracle. After a rocky start, we both began to trust each other and our marriage became heaven on earth. I told him that it was like living in paradise. I stayed at home and raised our son after being a career woman, and he was the breadwinner. We were sister, brother, mother, father, lover, friend, to each other. We were like two peas in a pod. This was a beautiful feeling to be in love, and it spurred me to write clean love stories based on my own experience. He passed away suddenly after several years of marriage, and it was heart wrenching, like a piece of your body being ripped away. I've been alone since then. Its been 8 years.

About four years ago, I was thinking of doing what Mitch suggested, looking for a love interest. I had experienced a wonderful relationship with my late husband, and wanted to re-experience something like that. Mitch, I did try looking for someone, but it's not easy as we get older. I'm not the only fish in the pond. Many single women are out there looking for good men. Also, I realized how picky I was when offers did come. As men get older, they also come with a lot of baggage, hurts, and ailments. Over these years, I have made friendships, but nothing serious. I am open to a relationship, but I've lived on both sides of the fence and know what will work for me and what won't. I am getting used to living by myself, but I'd also prefer, like a few others here, a relationship. Maybe I'll never find someone like my late husband, but it's worth a try. So don't give up, ladies and gentlemen, if you feel strongly about being alone or being with someone. It's who you are at this stage of your life.


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## RFW (Feb 3, 2022)

There is a kind of sentiment I keep hearing from some people that a woman doing feminine things for a man is bad even when the relationship is mutual and amicable. I'm all for doing what you want to do without the constrains of your gender but I also still often see people ridicule other people of the same gender when they enjoy doing things that traditionally associate with their gender. I'm wording it this way because it applies to both sexes.

I agree with @Mitch86 that both parties should fill each other's weaknesses and it doesn't seem like either one of them is being forced to do anything they don't want to. 
There's also no point in being with someone who drags their feet and take you down with them. A recipe for an unhappy relationship.

So I agree with being alone and not being alone under the right reasons and circumstances.


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## RadishRose (Feb 3, 2022)

Bonnie said:


> I feel sorry for any woman who feels she needs to cook, clean and  be a nursemaid  for a man to keep from being 'alone'.
> Give me alone any day over that existence.


Yeah and HE holds the purse-strings? No way!


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## Pepper (Feb 3, 2022)

RFW said:


> There is a kind of sentiment I keep hearing from some people that a woman doing feminine things for a man is bad


So............cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry is "feminine?"  Is your vocabulary so small?  Being traditionally tied to women does not make it feminine.  It's an assigned role and since I was once a little girl I know this.


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## RadishRose (Feb 3, 2022)

Trish said:


> Might be nice to have a bloke do the cooking, shopping, housework and cater to my every need and desire while I "manage" the finances


It would be nice!


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## Trish (Feb 3, 2022)

RadishRose said:


> It would be nice!


Indeed it would.  I will give it more thought after I have washed the dishes and scrubbed the floor


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## Jules (Feb 3, 2022)

As I’m sitting here, my husband is scrubbing the floors.  His idea, I’ve never asked.  I cook and he cleans up.  He says that we both live in the house so we should both be doing the daily chores.  He was a single parent for a few years so knows about maintaining a clean house.  Knowing him, I expect his house was immaculate even when he was a bachelor.


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## Jules (Feb 3, 2022)

@Packerjohn although we both interrupted Mitch’s comments differently, I think you’ve said that you participated in the daily cleaning of the home.


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## Trish (Feb 3, 2022)

Jules said:


> As I’m sitting here, my husband is scrubbing the floors.  His idea, I’ve never asked.  I cook and he cleans up.  He says that we both live in the house so we should both be being the daily chores.  He was a single parent for a few years so knows about maintaining a clean house.  Knowing him, I expect his house was immaculate even when he was a bachelor.


I agree with your husband.


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## Pepper (Feb 3, 2022)

My father was happy to retire and take over the cooking, cleaning, vacuuming (he loved to vacuum), shopping, etc. so that his Wife Could Retire!


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## tortiecat (Feb 3, 2022)

*I was happily married for almost 50 years and now I am happily alone.
BUT I know my son is nearby and that gives me peace of mind.*


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## Nathan (Feb 3, 2022)

Bonnie said:


> I feel sorry for any woman who feels she needs to cook, clean and  be a nursemaid  for a man to keep from being 'alone'.
> Give me alone any day over that existence.


It's not just women who find themselves in the position of being homemaker/caregiver.   If my DW precedes me I'll be fine by myself.


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## Silverfox007 (Feb 4, 2022)

helenbacque said:


> "It is better to be alone than in bad company":  George Washington


Well so true


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## Packerjohn (Feb 4, 2022)

oldiebutgoody said:


> I realize that.  My point being that if anyone wanted to enter my life she is welcomed along with her checkbook.


OK!  My 2 cents worth which isn't a lot!  I don't think that people should marry for money.  I know some do but I think that they should marry for LOVE!  I mean, marry someone for just money and end up everyday for the rest of your life looking across the table at someone you totally dislike or even stand the sight of.  If you ask me, I would always marry for love no matter how poor she or I are rather than marry for money and end up being miserable for the rest of your life.  Life is short and there is nothing like waking up in the morning and looking across the pillow to the person you love; I mean really love.  Life cannot get better than this for all the "tea in China."


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## oldiebutgoody (Feb 4, 2022)

Marry for the love of money. I've seen that happen often enough and it works, too.


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## Leann (Feb 4, 2022)

I have a wonderful man in my life. We met about a year ago. We don't live together and I'm not sure we ever will. And we've ruled out marriage because it's not a goal for either of us at this stage of our lives. We usually spend the weekends together at my house. He is constantly tinkering at little things that need repair around the house (which I love that he does this), he's probably a better cook than I am and he enjoys doing yard work. There is a lot of compatibility and friendship between us that has led to love. 

The point I want to make is that neither of us felt we _needed_ someone but rather that we _wanted_ someone in our lives. And it seems to be working out nicely so far.


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## officerripley (Feb 4, 2022)

Jules said:


> As I’m sitting here, my husband is scrubbing the floors.  His idea, I’ve never asked.  I cook and he cleans up.  He says that we both live in the house so we should both be doing the daily chores.  He was a single parent for a few years so knows about maintaining a clean house.  Knowing him, I expect his house was immaculate even when he was a bachelor.


You wouldn't believe how many men--from all walks of life, rich/poor, highly educated/not much education, religious/not religious--here in the U.S. do not feel that way at all. They may talk a good story about how there's no such thing as "women's work" or "men's work", but when push comes to shove, it always comes back to she's the only one doing the housework. (The few times that most husbands maybe empty the dishwasher, for instance, he expects a ticker tape parade to be thrown.) And I've never had kids, but talking to women that have it seems to always shake down that way with childcare too. And I hear it's really gotten worse with the Covid lockdown; both parents have been having to work from home but guess who's balancing the toddler on their knee while trying to do a Zoom call for work most of the time? Not dad.

And, it doesn't help that the U.S. stinks compared to most other first world countries when it comes to good options for childcare. As U.S. sociologist Jessica Calarco puts it, "Other countries have social safety nets. The U.S. has women." Only in the U.S. (I bet) is a mug like this for sale:


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## boliverchadsworth (Feb 7, 2022)

katlupe said:


> I am alone now for the first time in my life. I had to do everything I could to get out of a miserable marriage four years ago and I would never live with anyone ever again. I wish I had done it when I was in my twenties. I do though, have a relationship with a man who also lives alone. I told him right from the start that I will never live with him nor marry him and he understood. I think he actually likes it now. Having his own place and able to do what he wants.


there is something to be said for that for sure-- it would have to be a remarkable woman for me....not likely....man maybe but not likely either -


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## Michael Z (Feb 7, 2022)

Mitch86 it sounds like you and your wife are perfect for each other. I pray you can both be there for each other as long as possible. 

I truly don't know what I would do if my wife passed on before me.


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## Signe The Survivor (Feb 7, 2022)

I believe there are pluses and minuses of living alone. I have been divorced for many years and my son has moved out several years back so I have been alone, but I do have my cat to keep me company and she certainly does that. I also have my son near so I feel comfortable with that.


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## dseag2 (Feb 7, 2022)

My grandfather's wife passed away when she was 57 years old.  He quickly remarried to a woman who was 20 years younger.  She was a saint who took care of him until he died at 98 y/o.  She was a slave to his every whim and looked after him when he was bedridden.  He was by no means wealthy so it wasn't for the money.

I felt so sorry for her when he bellowed out her name and insisted she take care of him.  She was worn out when he passed away and didn't live for many years after he died.  There is no way today's men should have these expectations of their wives.


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## OneEyedDiva (Feb 7, 2022)

I said it before and I'll say it again...I don't want another one (man in my life), at least not for a serious relationship. I wouldn't mind having someone to go to events with but anything more serious... I don't feel like being bothered. Thing is, as a Muslim woman, I'm not supposed to be "hanging out" with a man anyway, if the intent isn't leading to marriage. And for me, that's not happening.


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## Shero (Feb 7, 2022)

dseag2 said:


> My grandfather's wife passed away when she was 57 years old.  He quickly remarried to a woman who was 20 years younger.  She was a saint who took care of him until he died at 98 y/o.  She was a slave to his every whim and looked after him when he was bedridden.  He was by no means wealthy so it wasn't for the money.
> 
> I felt so sorry for her when he bellowed out her name and insisted she take care of him.  She was worn out when he passed away and didn't live for many years after he died.  There is no way today's men should have these expectations their wive's.



Maybe she needed a home and some security and that could be why she put up with him.


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## dseag2 (Feb 7, 2022)

No, she was a young widow so she received an inheritance from her deceased husband.  I think she loved my grandfather but also saw herself in a certain role that was prevalent at the time.


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## Jondalar7 (Feb 7, 2022)

I have seven women living in my home. The youngest of them (50) is looking for a date but the rest are content with family and friends. We support and entertain one another. Through the years we have seen guys come and go. A couple were heartaches but most often the gal was good to be rid of them. There is a freedom to be ourselves that often gets put aside to fill the needs or wants of someone else. Single but not alone seems to work well here.


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## dseag2 (Feb 7, 2022)

I have a single female friend who is now in her 60's.  She and several other single friends decided to create what they called The Granny Palace where they would take care of each other as they got older.  They were looking at homes in places like the San Juan Islands outside of Seattle.  Their goal was to buy homes where they could live together and take care of each other as they aged.  My friend is now looking to move closer to extended family, so I don't think they ever followed through but I think it is a great concept.


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## OneEyedDiva (Feb 7, 2022)

Jondalar7 said:


> I have seven women living in my home. The youngest of them (50) is looking for a date but the rest are content with family and friends. We support and entertain one another. Through the years we have seen guys come and go. A couple were heartaches but most often the gal was good to be rid of them. There is a freedom to be ourselves that often gets put aside to fill the needs or wants of someone else. Single but not alone seems to work well here.


This reminds me the last line of an episode in one of my favorite comedies, Living Single. The women friends, all who were upwardly mobile and looking to date, pondered what the world would be like without men. Queen Latifah's character said "A lot of fat, happy women and no crime".  @dseag2


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## helenbacque (Feb 8, 2022)

I've known a few widowers who were actively looking for a 'nurse with a purse'.


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## Tabby Ann (Feb 8, 2022)

Mitch86 said:


> If folks live alone, they should always be on the lookout for someone of the opposite sex who is also living alone. Two lonely people can get together and never be alone again. I am married for 61 years now, BUT, if my partner died, I'd be looking for another mate. There is always someone out there who can be a companion to ease your loneliness if you agree to ease their loneliness.


I’m always amazed at people who get on the forum and pontificate about things they know absolutely nothing about. When Mitch86 becomes a widower, starts looking for another mate, finds one, cohabitates with her, and it works out well, then he can tell us about the joys of replacing a former mate with a new one. In the meantime, he is clueless about the difficulties of, and in most cases the impossibility of, finding a suitable mate at his age.


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## helenbacque (Feb 8, 2022)

I've always thought perfect solution was a very close friend who lived next door - separate living quarters


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## Autumn72 (Feb 24, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> That's your Opinion and I don't agree.  What makes you the expert on it anyhow.....


I think he means the loneliness is so great and would be for many who (notice I did not say ALL) have been married for a long time or alone for a very long time, I would start off with dates, then engaged or as one stated next door neighbors. Yet I remember, hearing "not to s**t where you live" in case it does not work out.
I do not think he meant to be an expert....only his take on the loneliness that can swallow one up. Notice I did not say ALL, for those who feel like fighting. Just my take on it.


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## RadishRose (Feb 24, 2022)

OneEyedDiva said:


> if the intent isn't leading to marriage.


But surely after a certain age, marriage is no longer a goal?


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## Autumn72 (Feb 24, 2022)

palides2021 said:


> It's interesting to see all these posts and different viewpoints in response to @Mitch86's statement. I respect Mitch's post, and all your posts and wish you all the best of luck!
> 
> I've had the opportunity to be in two relationships in my life: a short, abusive relationship with a mentally ill person, and it took me a long time to heal. I thought I was finished with relationships, then I found the love of my life (I wasn't looking, it just happened) and I consider it a miracle. After a rocky start, we both began to trust each other and our marriage became heaven on earth. I told him that it was like living in paradise. I stayed at home and raised our son after being a career woman, and he was the breadwinner. We were sister, brother, mother, father, lover, friend, to each other. We were like two peas in a pod. This was a beautiful feeling to be in love, and it spurred me to write clean love stories based on my own experience. He passed away suddenly after several years of marriage, and it was heart wrenching, like a piece of your body being ripped away. I've been alone since then. Its been 8 years.
> 
> About four years ago, I was thinking of doing what Mitch suggested, looking for a love interest. I had experienced a wonderful relationship with my late husband, and wanted to re-experience something like that. Mitch, I did try looking for someone, but it's not easy as we get older. I'm not the only fish in the pond. Many single women are out there looking for good men. Also, I realized how picky I was when offers did come. As men get older, they also come with a lot of baggage, hurts, and ailments. Over these years, I have made friendships, but nothing serious. I am open to a relationship, but I've lived on both sides of the fence and know what will work for me and what won't. I am getting used to living by myself, but I'd also prefer, like a few others here, a relationship. Maybe I'll never find someone like my late husband, but it's worth a try. So don't give up, ladies and gentlemen, if you feel strongly about being alone or being with someone. It's who you are at this stage of your life.


I absolutely am in agreement with you. 
I love reading your beautiful post.
Proves why you did end up with the Joy of your life. How did you meet and maybe a diary of it all yet, a book on it would be bought by me.


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## Autumn72 (Feb 24, 2022)

Jules said:


> Fat chance that I’d turn my finances over to someone at this point in my life.  I’m not interested in being a maid either.


I see I look at marriage differently from another angle.
Reading all t he posts very carefully I see the many differences about tying the knot.
Not to be taken lightly a few adjustments in the puzzle of the many people who have not been successful (again I am not claiming to be a expert, just a peek into the formats of a relationship knots and dews..
...continuing to take notes)
I see agreement before the knot is made, 
I see a mutual love for each other its the world's greatest kindness is MUTUAL LOVE as one here already attest to.


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## Autumn72 (Feb 24, 2022)

Pepper said:


> A few years after he died I woke up one morning & said out loud (must have been dreaming about this) "I want to get married again!"  Almost immediately, my mother was killed and I had my first bout with cancer.  Health has not been good ever since and it kind of hurt my desire.


I never posted that reply.....no I feel why would I ask someone to define theire meaning of what they meant by health issues when I would not want to know.
Seems someone is using my profile to post under my name.
I was suppose to change my password and guess who gave it to me. The one who didn't want to ask that question they wanted to ..I rather not go into anyone's trouble since I myself have had way too many of my own the why I come here to forget my own and try 
more positive posts. I have taken the chance all may think my brain is defected at this point.


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## Autumn72 (Feb 24, 2022)

Packerjohn said:


> Good for you Mitch86.  I agree with you 100% but I had to laugh when I first read your comment.  Why?  There are so many ladies on this website that over the years I have read their comments which basically boils down to "I'M FINISHED WITH MEN."  I am glad that you made your comment but I wouldn't be surprised if the Voodoo ladies are already sticking pins into your likenesss!  Like you, I think that you are never too old to find love or to be loved but then I have always blown against the wind.  As for me, I'm not finished with ladies and I don't think I will be; not as long as I'm still breathing.  Once again, more power to you Mitch86 for speaking your piece.


Bob Seegar
My song Against the Wind


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## Pepper (Feb 24, 2022)

Huh?


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## katlupe (Feb 24, 2022)

Well, for the record, I am all for love, just not living together or getting married again. That is everyone's choice depending on their own circumstance. Some couples cannot get married due to financial reasons.


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## oldiebutgoody (Feb 24, 2022)

I continue to be amazed that this thread continues and so many other appear on this forum every week.  Well ladies, if you want you can always PM me and you won't be alone so  you have no more excuses.*




* now watch as some of the gals here puke at that thought


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## palides2021 (Feb 24, 2022)

Autumn72 said:


> I absolutely am in agreement with you.
> I love reading your beautiful post.
> Proves why you did end up with the Joy of your life. How did you meet and maybe a diary of it all yet, a book on it would be bought by me.


The love stories (clean) that I wrote were all inspired by him! He was in my stories. I never wrote a memoir about our relationship, but he lives in my stories.


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## Ruthanne (Feb 25, 2022)

Autumn72 said:


> I think he means the loneliness is so great and would be for many who (notice I did not say ALL) have been married for a long time or alone for a very long time, I would start off with dates, then engaged or as one stated next door neighbors. Yet I remember, hearing "not to s**t where you live" in case it does not work out.
> I do not think he meant to be an expert....only his take on the loneliness that can swallow one up. Notice I did not say ALL, for those who feel like fighting. Just my take on it.


I see what you mean.  I guess I was just taken aback at his seemingly one sidedness.


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## caroln (Feb 25, 2022)

Mitch86 said:


> By the way, we each cover a unique part of our joint existence. My wife is my caregiver, food preparer and home maker. I am the financial manager. We each fill weaknesses in the existence of the other.


Sorry, but to me it sounds like you'd just be looking for another housekeeper/nurse.

I take care of the finances in our household, not because my husband has a "weakness".  He just doesn't like doing it.


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## Nosy Bee-54 (Feb 28, 2022)

“One of the things that distinguishes between loneliness and isolation is that loneliness has very little to do with quantity, with how many people you interact with, how many groups you belong to,” Hawkley said. “Although there is a relationship (between them), it is not very strong.”

“People can be around others and feel lonely anyway or they can be pretty much solitary souls and not be lonely,”

https://www.cnn.com/2022/02/27/health/loneliness-alone-wellness/index.html


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