# Arachne's  ponderings and stories of the past and beyond.



## Arachne (Jan 30, 2016)

'The world we knew won't come back'

Who is she? I see her  always sitting in the same place, below a large, big leaf Maple tree.  The canopy of the leaves shelters her.  From the rain somewhat, that  pours upon the earth with a intensity unbridled. The woman's hair is  damp, curling gently at the ends in ringlets, that drip with small  crystalline sparkles of  water filled droplets. Time weathered hands are  cupped upon her face, the muffled sounds of sobbing permeating the  forest that surrounds her. So sad is she that she does not notice  the life that even, in the storm teams about her. Her long, lean legs  are pulled close to her chest. As if to shield them from some unseen  force.

I want to go to her, reach out, pull her close, shelter her from the storm that rages within her soul. But I cannot. Within  her own private hell she is lost, traveling along a road of memories  that swell up ready to swallow her whole. She is broken, not strong  enough to see the new world that can be within grasp. On days like this  the rain is a metaphor.. for the unhappiness that lives within her.

Her  sobs grow stronger as she moves  long fingers from her face. Rain drops  now pummel her face, adding to the tears that are already drowning her.

I  scream inside my own self..  "stop" I must go to her.  I understand the  darkness she feels. Consuming, choking, like ashes that block out the  light. The immortal torment that rages in all of us. But most are able  to fight against. I feel she has given up. The wounds don't seem to heal  for this woman. She looks upon the scars that streak down her  forearms, like a road map of unhappiness and shame. She tries so hard to  tell herself that they are gone. Alas they are not. They are the wounds  from years of unhappiness.

The rain eases, until only the gentle  splatter,  from leaf to leaf remains. The forest is drying and a golden  stream appears, warming the coolness. Her blue eyes move, to  view a puddle that has formed beside her. A drop hits  the still water..  It forms a ripple that radiates, from one small ring to multiples, until  it disappears. Much like she is feeling I would guess.

Her  hearts searches within, for the meaning. She knows ripples never come  back. They are formed, then they are gone, no two are a like. She begins  to rise, her clothes are damp. She shakes them free and a small breeze  gently helps to dry them. The pain is passing for now, like the rain  storm has done .Still I wish to go to her and pull to me and  take the pain forever away. But it is not my pain to take. She must  fight it and that is a task only she can do. The sun now is  warming the world around her. She looks again to the puddle of water,  that now shrinks into the rich earth...for within her heart...



> _Angels never know it's time
> To close the book and gracefully decline
> The song has found a tale
> My, what a jealous pool she is
> ...


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## SifuPhil (Jan 30, 2016)

Very powerful imagery.


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## Arachne (Jan 30, 2016)

SifuPhil said:


> Very powerful imagery.



Thank you for your kind feedback ^.^


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## SeaBreeze (Jan 30, 2016)

Deep and touching...enjoyed that.


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## Karen99 (Jan 31, 2016)

Nicely done, Arachne.


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## Arachne (Feb 1, 2016)

I wish I lived, in the forest, hues of green, yellows and brown..  Perhaps, by a waterfall where I could only hear the trees , breeze and  birds talking, yet no one hears them.. Where there is no pollution. No  buildings, no cars or streets. No people who hurt you, with  words, or physically. Where sickness is forgotten and defeated.. I wish I  could have seen, how our world was before man infected it with lust,  greed and deceit..Where my﻿ true love can find me, cloaked in a long flowing white dress, catching the silent updrafts of the dancing wind..

Where Death is not the end, but the beginning of another most precious journey.Where bigotry, jealousy, hate, anger and all things we human possess, were driven to the pits of oblivion.

The  journey is in my mind right now, I reach out for it, desperately  grasping, it in my aging hand..Yet, slips through this place..
The  verdict is in and soon perhaps, if I am so blessed.. I will journey to  this place. Be free of the shackles of life, free to find my place  within this universe, be at peace.. Not the end, of my soul. But of the  physical body I dwell within, the spirit of A, now she continues.. never  doubt that..The end of this life draws near for this witch, yet  another beckons...I feel its tug, I await the bliss.. I will dwell among  the trees and nature forever.. 

Bright Blessings of Light and Hope to all that celebrate Imbolc on February 2


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## chic (Feb 2, 2016)

Arachne said:


> I wish I lived, in the forest, hues of green, yellows and brown.. Perhaps, by a waterfall where I could only hear the trees , breeze and birds talking, yet no one hears them.. Where there is no pollution. No buildings, no cars or streets. No people who hurt you, with words, or physically. Where sickness is forgotten and defeated.. I wish I could have seen, how our world was before man infected it with lust, greed and deceit..Where my﻿ true love can find me, cloaked in a long flowing white dress, catching the silent updrafts of the dancing wind..
> 
> Where Death is not the end, but the beginning of another most precious journey.Where bigotry, jealousy, hate, anger and all things we human possess, were driven to the pits of oblivion.
> 
> ...




That's a beautiful outlook to have. Blessed candlemas to you too.


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## Arachne (Feb 3, 2016)

This erratic haphazard, fluttering
This to-ing and fro-ing
Like a confused moth
The collusion, illusion
And it's all ad infinitum

Ugg monkey brain today, that is what I call it when my brain won't shut  off. I suppose I should be annoyed. But takes so much to make this  Taurus woman annoyed. But I am not, maybe that's what I need to loose  it. To write a list of all the ****e that pisses me off .. Read it over  then burn it watch the angry  light in the colours of blue, yellow,  orange through red .. Watch as the tempest feeds on the pulp and ink of  my rantings..

Funny what sets me off on one of my tantrums. Something that is small  and totally  irreverent to most. Cuts me like a knife or the razor that I  use to cut my flesh with to mask the hurt I felt inside.

Hitting the delete button on the net, is like that for me.

 No warning, no regrets, no explanations why, quite a selfish act really by the person who places there finger on the key.

I find the net so joyful, helpful, yet at the same time it can be so  cruel and black. Filled with unimaginable hurt, lies and disappointment.
My jumbled mind searches for a world suitable to describe the Del on my keyboard. Tempestuous pops into my brain..

tem·pes·tu·ous/temˈpesCHo͞oəs/Adjective
1. Characterized by strong and turbulent or conflicting emotion.

2. Very stormy: "a

tempestuous

wind".


Yes, that does quite nicely.. I think I will rename the Del key  tempestuous. For it is stormy like the people who press it. Forever  changing something into nothing..


Yes, you hit the tempestuous key on your keyboard and took the group  away from us the few who joined or wrote ..the few who cared  about the  group and were proud members. Oh tempestuous key for now we are left  with a square   box of nothing.. Bravo.. and blessed be..


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## Arachne (Feb 4, 2016)

*Bottle Caps the soda pop candy!!!*

So I went to the grocery store. A total act beyond tedium, perusing  the aisles. I needed cucumbers, red n yellow peppers, water cress, white  onions, plums. I had a only a few items. My married son works  there so we went for a quick coffee break together. To talk about this  and that, he looks so happy, the words roll off his tongue with such  happiness, he tells me what he and wife have planned for the house  they bought. If I would perhaps do a mural or some piece of art for it.  Naturally being mum I agree, anything for my young man. 

I told  him I was going to go away for weekend soon and that I will be looking at  houses on Salt Spring Island, he is pleased for me. Even laughing a lil at  the prospect of his hippy mum living with all the hippies on the Island. Our short 15 mins gave me peace and happiness. I am blessed and  know it.


Going back to the aisles, sorta in a daze.. I am restless  today, can't put my finger on it.. I am questioning some things,  aspects, will the Canucks win? They stress me out lol.. I end  up in the junk food section. You know the places' pop, chips, chocolate,  gummy worms all manner of crap not good for you. The color pops  out at me first, bright pink, purple, yellow. Its a box you see, a  rather good sized one.. The words proudly proclaiming .. Wonka  Bottlecaps the soda pop candy.. Cola, cherry, grape, root beer, and  orange.


Memories flood back of being a kid.. Of 12 cent bottles of  coke, 1 penny mojo's in spearmint and flat bags of Bottle Caps for 10  cents. Life was simpler then, no responsibilities other than what flavor  to eat first. I miss those days, would it not be nice to be an adult  but have only the responsibilities of a child? I miss those simple  days.. even poisoning my growing body with goodness knows what chemicals  from those artificial candies.


So I picked up that bright box of  nostalgia and made my way to the checkout. A box candy and joy from my  past, playing in my monkey brain.. So as I write this I am eating those  soda pop candies, mixing them in my mouth with coffee and wondering where  the time went. Its about the small things... WHO needs Mentos. Blessed be


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## Arachne (Mar 20, 2016)

Winter here where I live hasn't been too cold, but it has definitely  been long, foggy and dreary. A forever nightmare, for anyone suffering  from depression. This weather can and does slow you down and lowers your  motivation to a perfect zero. Of course you have to let it. Looking  back, it seemed at the time spring would never come, which in turn makes  it difficult to get through the days, especially when the blessed sun  doesn't shine.

What I have noticed this winter has affected me  more than usual. I let myself sleep longer and did not want to venture  outside very much. I did go to bed earlier, made sure I ate healthy, yet  the days seemed to drag.The only thing that seemed to work for me at  the time was sheer willpower and the 'just do it damn it' just to raise  from the bed.
Although, I did not feel like it, I willed myself to  eat, a healthy breakfast and go for a walk. Once outside driving in my  weed van ( VW) my body would come to life. It was that getting out of  the house, that seemed to work. And once at the park, the nature  although dormant, was all around me. The odd good morning was spoken by  those who passed me along the trail.They would smile you know those  muscles that with us hardly get used. It's as if being around nature and  genuine smiles breath's life into you. I could have stayed home in bed,  a better idea from my darker side.

So what I learned each time my  body says "NO" to me, I will try my damndess to ignore it and let the  light in my brain take over. I will raise pushing myself up and out and  reap what I sow.. The benefits of my struggle with myself, in the  morning or anytime really. Will return for a longer, more productive and  better day for Arachne.

The sun has come Ostara blessed us with it. Sunny days are starting and that keeps me going down the path.:sunshine:


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## SifuPhil (Mar 20, 2016)

This sounds like something I need to do. No park nearby, but just getting out where the robins can chirp over my head and the squirrels can trip me up as i walk on the uneven sidewalk would probably be good for me. Thank you as always for your imagery.

"Weed van" - there's a story I'd love to hear! layful:


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## Shalimar (Mar 20, 2016)

Lovely story Arachne. Bless you for sharing it with us. I too wait for Spring. Gaia will burst into fertile green soon enough. I hope your depression lifts with the coming of the sun.


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## Arachne (Mar 21, 2016)

Thank you to both of you for your kind words. I love feed back ^.^ and yes there is a story about the weed van lol


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## Arachne (Apr 3, 2016)

*What's The World Coming Too ?*

I  dislike  mingling  with  the  so  called  'normalcy'  of  life  outside  my  walls.I  hate  going  to  do  errands,  queuing  in  line,  waiting  on  red  lights.      I  feel  like  a  drone  or  a  person  about  to  become  Solent Green.  Or  Logans  Run  they  knocked  ya  off  when  you  reached  30  haha.  I  wonder  if  in  the  novels  1984  or  Brave  new  World  if  we  are  not  now  living  them?  We  take  pills,  we  listen  to  the  media  like  it  is  some  messiah.  Glued  to  digital  boxes,  waiting  to  be  told  what  to  do?  Is  it  the  blue  pill  or  the  red  pill??


 I  went  to  ugg  Wallies  world  of  discount  shopping,  I  felt  like    a  cow  being  led  to  slaughter,  down  the  aisles,  bombarded  my  sights  and  smells.  Yes,  prodded  to  buy  a  certain  product.  OOO  ROLLBACK!!!  Now  I  really  need  to  buy  it..Then  the  common  sense  witch  pipes  up  and  says..  "  D  you  know  you  don't  really  need  or  want  it"  Thank  goodness  for  Glinda,  the  sensible  witch.  I  marched  my  arse  outta  wallies  world  of  hell  and  drove  to  a  lovely  fabric  store.  Bought  some  fabric  I  am  going  to  attempt  to  make  a  quilt.  yes  old  fashion  quilt  making.  The  artist  in  me  wants  to  be  simple.
 I  actually  went  to  two  shops.  Silence  no  pressure,  just  helpful  friendly  ladies  round  my  age.  They  gave  me  help,  old  fashion  service.  I  was  not  a  number,  I  was  a  person  with  a  desire  to  learn  a  new  craft.
 When  I  put  precious  into  gear  and  my  puttering  weed  van  began  the  journey  home.  I  pondered  what  is  the  world  coming  to?  We  are  to  complacent,  thank  god  the  nut  jobs  like  me  still  are  in  the  world.  I  will  not  take  the  blue  pill  like  most  of  the  human  race..  No,  I  will  keep  taking  the  red  pill..  I  will  Not  take  soma  either..  No,  this  witch  is  staying  in  the  real  world,  longing  yes  to  have  been  born  back  in  the  1800's.  I  will  not  give  in  to  the  masses  someone  has  to  stay  sane.


 Blessed  be


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## Arachne (Apr 4, 2016)

It simply amazes me how some continue to judge a book by its cover. It is something I never understand, nor will I. I have never done it nor would I. But it happened to me today and sometimes I am left aghast at the whole notion. End Rant..


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## Shalimar (Apr 4, 2016)

Hugs Arachne. Those of us who have empathy are forever boggled by the behaviour of those who do not.


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## SifuPhil (Apr 4, 2016)

Empathy is a gift that not everyone enjoys. 

Certainly I never got any.


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## Shalimar (Apr 4, 2016)

I think you sell yourself short Philly. Also empathy is a double edged sword at best. You pick up on everything, good and bad. Even the best filters eventually break down, and leave you temporarily emotionally bankrupt, in need of solitude in order to recharge.


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## Arachne (Apr 6, 2016)

Thanks to both of you means a lot. It was a bad day and I was judged on my beliefs. Which shut the door rather tightly and I just was puzzled as to why a person could be so closed minded. I dislike folks who are my way is right and yours is not. I know I should not let it bother me and generally it does not, I just let in the darkness. I really appreciate you took the time to quell my fears thank you. Blessed be ^.^


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## SifuPhil (Apr 6, 2016)

Dealing with people with blocked ears and large mouths is always trying. Usually I just agree with them and walk away ... or just walk away. 

That's why I don't usually get into political discussions. Now with religious ones that's a different story - for some reason I like to poke around with pointy little needles and jab people to see what happens.


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## Shalimar (Apr 6, 2016)

Eek, Philly, put the acupuncture needles away, doc!


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## Shalimar (Apr 6, 2016)

Pleased to be of help Arachne. People of substance, who choose to live in the light, with all the vulnerability that entails, deserve our love and support when negative energy creeps in. Namaste.


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## SifuPhil (Apr 7, 2016)

Shalimar said:


> Eek, Philly, put the acupuncture needles away, doc!



Aw ... you never let me have any fun. 

*puts needles away*

*pulls out sledgehammer*


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## Arachne (Apr 10, 2016)

*Somewhere just beyond the mist.*

_Spirits were seen flying. As the lightning led her way Through the dark._


I am loosing myself, or maybe I am loosing my mind it's self.  Yesterday was a bad day for me, meli was about. Add the stress of family  obligations, some distrust and just blind stupidity. I did not have a  good day.. I want to escape to some place and hide. My spirit is  restless, I know I was not meant for this time. I have said it before,  and will no doubt say it till my last drawn breath.

My calendar  on the wall has a beautiful picture of the 15th century Kilchurn Castle  on a remote island in Loch Awe in Scotland. I get lost in the greens of  the trees, pastures and rocky hills. It almost calls to me in a romantic  and very mystical aura. I could live there quite contently among  the ruins, dressed as a woman from the 15 th century. Mixing my  alchemy, using my gifts I know dwell in me.. It does not seem fantasy to  me. I practice wicca for a reason.

Its deeply rooted in my inner  being, my karma, my spirit, although I was raised an Anglican and  converted to christian orthodoxy. But they were never part of  me, nothing against them. I bare no ill towards anyone's religion.

I just have this deep seated belief that I am more than that. I do not want to sound conceited I was born on May 1 and in my beliefs. May 1 is known as May Day to many people, but for a lot of Wiccans and Pagans it's *Beltane*. It's a day to celebrate fertility, fire, and abundance.

It  gets a bad rap sometimes for it has been said that since it is also  dealing with fertility there are some hanky panky goings on.. lol.. What  would the world be without a lil sex.

I believe that is no  coincidence, I believe I have lived before but this is not the time to  argue with people about my own beliefs. I use to be very quiet as to who  I am. I am a witch, but I do not cast spells about nilly willy and use  my gifts, for anything but good. Please do not call me a white witch. I  am simply a pagan, a wiccan, a witch. I believe in the old pagan  religion. I do not dance about the fields naked when the moon is full.  Although might be fun just once, very freeing for the spirit I would  imagine.

I meditate, light candles, ask for blessings for those I  love, those in need and anything else. I say affirmations now, although I did not  use to. My transformation has been a lifetime coming. 

I am a romantic fool, my mind dwells in the mists of Avalon, among my brethren of druids, sages and all things magical.

This blog is my way of coping with a bad day, a inner reflection of who D is a reminder to myself.. Thank you for reading..

Blessed Be


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## Shalimar (Apr 10, 2016)

Oh, Arachne, your writing is lyrical, emotional, achingly honest. Touches me in the same fashion as poetry, mine and other's
Many of us dance to the beat of our own hearts, forever out of step with the "norm." the price of individuality is high, 

ostracism, and worse from the "herd," but I believe the gifts are worth it. Thank you for opening a window into your soul for us, sharing the beauty within.


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## SifuPhil (Apr 10, 2016)

Beautifully written, Arachne. 

Funny how there are so many flavors of pagans, witches and Wiccans. Each seems to practice differently. 

I too often feel that I belong in another time.


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## Arachne (Apr 21, 2016)

*The Pathological Critic*





*The Pathological Critic
* 
defined:  * Negative  self  talk  that  attacks  and  judges  you
*
_We  all  have  him  or  her  but  people  with  depression,  low  self  esteem  have  a  more  vicious  and  vocal  pathological  critic.  I  call  mine   Melinoe  or  meli..   it  means  Dark  Mind  (melas,noos),  Propitiating  Mind  (meilia,  noos) I  am  a  huge  fan  of  mythos,  and  patheons  of  the  old  world.  Thus  my  online  name  Arachne  and  my  critics  name._

 What  might yours  do,  you  may  ask?  For  we  as  humans  all  know  it.  Us  with depression  struggle  with  it  daily. I  sometimes  think  although  we  struggle  perhaps  we  are  the  enlightened  ones.  We  recognize  this  demon  within,  while  the  so  called  regulars  just  push  it  away.


 *  it  blames  you  for  things  that  go  wrong.
 *It  compares  you  with  others,  e.g.  achievements  and  abilities
 *It  sets  up  impossible  standards  of  perfection  and  then  beats  you  up  for  small  mistakes.
 *It  keeps  records  of  failures
 *It  disregards  strengths  or  accomplishments
 *It  calls  you  names,  e.g.  stupid,  incompetent,  ugly,  fat
 *My  meli  reads  others  minds  and  convinces  me  of  what  they  are  thinking
 *It  exaggerates  weaknesses,  e.g.  she  berates  me  for  * always*  saying  stupid  things,  * always  * screw  up  relationships,  * never*  finishing  anything  on  time


*  Your  critics  voice  can  be  male  or  female,  your  mother's  or  father's,  husband  or  wife's  and  even  your  own.



 *The  critic's  voice  is  almost  * always*  believed  no  matter  how  negative, distorted  or  false.

 *It  puts  your  self  esteem  through  the  wringer
 *The  critic  is  always  with  you-  judging,  blaming,  finding  fault.


_For  me  melione  has  weapons  at  her  disposal  which  are  my  values  and  rules  of  living  how  I  grew  up.  Perhaps  you  are  the  same?  The  more  rigid  and  fixed  your  values  and  beliefs  are,  the  more  the  critic  can  use  em  against  you.  There  is  no  room  for  flexibility  or  mistakes_.


 E.G.  "  A  marriage  should  last  forever"  calls  you  a  failure  after  divorce.


 "  A  real  man  supports  his  family  "  calls  you  a  loser  when  you  are  laid  off.


 "  The  kids  come  first"  calls  you  selfish  when  you  want  a  night  off  to  do  something  for  yourself. This  was  huge  for  me  when  my  kids  were  growing  and  even  today  as  they  journey  into  their 30's  marry,  buy  houses  etc  I  feel  I  am  not  entitled  to  live  my  own  life.


_So  I  asked  my  shrink  where  does  this  critic  come  from_...  his  reply.  "  The  critic  is  born  in  childhood  from  the earliest  memories  of  socialization  with  our  caregivers."

  *  insert  quizzical  look  from  curly  haired  blonde  here..


 "D  we  are  taught  appropriate  behavior  through  hugs  and  praises.  We  are  taught  inappropriate  behavior  through  punishment  and  scoldings.  Thus  my  dear  we  inherit  values,  beliefs  and  ideas  which  may  be  irrational."


_hmm  I  sure  know  that  last Sunday  my  Meli  was  up  to  her  old  tricks.  Her  voice  in  that  case  was  deep  and  accented  in  a  form  of  my  demon.  The  battle  will  go  back  and  forth  and  one  day  there  will  be  no  battle  at  all  for D  would  have  won  and  melione  will  be  sent  back  into  the Hades  she  emerged  from.  You  can  also  bet  I  will  not  be  giving  her  any  coins  to  pay  the  ferry  man  ..


Blessed be 
_


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## Arachne (Apr 25, 2016)

*poem from a aged mind lol*

Wow short and sweet this blog shall be.

A new group starts today for the gal named D
I hope I don't mess things up for all to see.
Perhaps drive my precious into a tree
I always worry my accent will cause some stares
My bohemian style, scarves and bangles.
What if I try to sit and knock some chairs ?
My long blond curls flaying into tangles.
 I can't even do a decent rhyme as I have run outta time.

So off I go this daft fool gal and hope that someone will not offer me more than a scowl..
A smile, a laugh a twinkle is cool
Cause goodness , oh my I don't want to look a fool..


The above brought to you by a nervous Nelly with a cup of coffee and a shortbread cookie.. blessed be ..( not my best work) lol


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## Shalimar (Apr 25, 2016)

The price of clarity is sharp
and rarely sweet, the blades
Of other people's tongues 
scar deeply, biting into 
shattered mirrors reflecting
poorly who we are. Breathe 
deep and even, Arachne,
They are Maya's tools, 
prancing lies into your mind
to gouge your tender soul.
This empath feels the love
you spin, soft web of
gentle spells, the true 
measure of who is D, 
your loving artistry.
Namaste.:love_heart:


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## Arachne (Jun 26, 2016)

So I have not been around for a while. I suppose none noticed lol which is alright I am not that well known here. But I will say the big C has come into my life and has turned it upside down and inside out. Staring into ones mortality is not so fun. I have been wallowing in self denial, pity and some rather depressing dark places. This while on the good side I became a grandmother for the very first time June 6 when my son and wife welcomed a baby boy named Alexander into their lives. He is the bright spark, he alone has brought me out of my funk and made me realize that dwelling on things out of my control is not worth doing. Each time I hold him in my arms, all I can think of is happiness and joy at what he has brought to me.  So I suppose I have had an Epiphany, a kick in the pants to smarten up. Life is precious and it is what you make it. So here I am back in the forum saddle.. Bright Blessings to all ..^.^


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## Shalimar (Jun 26, 2016)

Arachne, I noticed your absence. I hoped you had not left us. I loved your energy, and enjoyed your writing.  Delighted that you have returned! My condolences on your cancer diagnosis, how terrifying that must have been. Pleased that a new baby has 
brought light into your life. Blessings on you, and your family. Should you need support, we are here for you. Huge hugs.


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