# Would you live with one or more of your adult children if you got old and alone?



## StarSong (Jun 30, 2021)

This question was posed in a game thread and it started me thinking.  

I'd probably not share living quarters _with _one of my children, but if I were unable to live fully independently I could imagine paying for a granny-flat type place added to their property (one of my sons lives on 1/2 acre. 

What about some of the rest of you? What would you do - or have you done?


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## Della (Jun 30, 2021)

My grown son lives _with_ me and I love that.  If he was married and I had to live with them, I would hate that.


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## terry123 (Jun 30, 2021)

No I would not.  I would try to find a room mate or a nice retirement home and there are some.


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## Pinky (Jun 30, 2021)

I think it would be tolerable. My daughter and I get along extremely well.


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## Aunt Marg (Jun 30, 2021)

No. My own parents promised they would never burden us with their care or accommodations, and hubby and I believe in extending the same.


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## Don M. (Jun 30, 2021)

We get along nicely with our daughters, but if we became "incapacitated" we would Not want to burden them with having to care for us.  Therefore, we pay for Long Term Care insurance, and will rely on a hopefully decent care facility, if we have issues as we age,


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## JustBonee (Jun 30, 2021)

I get along just wonderful with all  of my grown kids  ....  that's because we don't live together!

When I sold my house and was thinking of my next move,  my youngest daughter assumed that I would be moving in with her family.
It took some  convincing  on  my part,   that we  would all be better off if I spread my wings and tried something new.
So for the first time in my life,  I decided I wanted to try living alone (after losing my husband)  in a Senior apartment.  ..  best decision ever.

So I guess I fit the description of  'old and alone',  but I'm loving life this way.


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## hollydolly (Jun 30, 2021)

I'd live in an Annexe or Granny flat in the grounds of my DD's house... but I couldn't possibly live in the same house, she's far too Bossy.. she would drive me insane...


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## Murrmurr (Jun 30, 2021)

I lived with my oldest son and his wife for about 6 months while I waited to get into this apartment. We got along fine, but I felt out of place. I wouldn't do it again.


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## bingo (Jun 30, 2021)

oh....hope it never  comes to  that...


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## Mr. Ed (Jun 30, 2021)

Sure it would be like old times


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## Aneeda72 (Jun 30, 2021)

hollydolly said:


> I'd live in an Annexe or Granny flat in the grounds of my DD's house... but I couldn't possibly live in the same house, she's far too Bossy.. she would drive me insane...


Yup, that’s my daughter as well, bossy I love her to death but just could not do it, she is always correcting me about stuff.  Honest to Pete, apparently I’ve been dummer than dirt since she was born, just let me live in ignorance.


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## hollydolly (Jun 30, 2021)

Aneeda72 said:


> Yup, that’s my daughter as well, bossy I love her to death but just could not do it, she is always correcting me about stuff.  Honest to Pete, apparently I’ve been dummer than dirt since she was born, just let me live in ignorance.


Are they sisters from another mister ?... yup that's mine too..I don't know how I manage to find my own way home without her instructions..


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## Pepper (Jun 30, 2021)

Although I would want to, I know they definitely wouldn't want to.  I don't blame them one bit.


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## Buckeye (Jun 30, 2021)

Can't imagine it.


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## Tom 86 (Jun 30, 2021)

I live alone on my 77-acre farm since my wife passed away 6 years ago.  My DIL lives next door or about 800 ft. away (use to be MILs house)  & she is an ENT so I got good care when I need it.  I have one of the "Senior care" pendants & if I need any help just put the button & they will call her before calling 911


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## hollydolly (Jun 30, 2021)

Tom 86 said:


> I live alone on my 77-acre farm since my wife passed away 6 years ago.  My DIL lives next door or about 800 ft. away (use to be MILs house)  & she is an ENT so I got good care when I need it.  I have one of the "Senior care" pendants & if I need any help just put the button & they will call her before calling 911


You're probably in the most ideal position anyone can be when they're older and live alone...


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## Aneeda72 (Jun 30, 2021)

hollydolly said:


> Are they sisters from another mister ?... yup that's mine too..I don't know how I manage to find my own way home without her instructions..


Hmm what I just wrote didn’t make sense even to me


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## Tom 86 (Jun 30, 2021)

I want to buy one of these & blast around the neighborhood.


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## Pecos (Jun 30, 2021)

No way! My son and his wife are nice people,…… but:
My son’s house is like Grand Central. He is a High School coach and people are running in and out of there constantly. My 36 year old granddaughter lives there and is incredibly messy, especially in the bathroom which we would have to share. I am no neat freak, but all of them are messy. My ex-wife is in and out of there frequently. She doesn’t give me any trouble, except that she thinks that we should be pals and that is not happening. My DIL thinks she is a good cook, but she is not.

My daughter and her significant other are also great people and they live about 20 miles from my son. It would be the same situation with my ex-wife even though she cheated on me over 50 years ago and has racked up 5 more marriages since then. (I have heard that the number is actually 7). My daughter also has six dogs and three cats in a fairly small house. While I love cats and dogs, that is too many for me.

No, I intend to spend their inheritance living in a senior living facility where someone else does the cooking and the cleaning. My wife of 36 years is 100% with me on this.


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## Judycat (Jun 30, 2021)

I guess I would if I had to. Just pretend I'm not here.


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## Marie5656 (Jun 30, 2021)

*I do not have kids. But my niece has a small studio off her garage. The garage is attached to the house. But I would not go unless she insisted.  We have already spoken some about my future. I had said I would rather go to assisted living than impose on her,*


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## Aneeda72 (Jun 30, 2021)

Judycat said:


> I guess I would if I had to. Just pretend I'm not here.


Well, that’s the problem isn’t it?  They won’t pretend you are not there and next you will be cleaning up, babysitting, cooking (well, I won’t be cooking unless they want to die), and other stuff.

Might as well get a job as a maid.


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## Judycat (Jun 30, 2021)

Yeah grandma shuffling around in the background. That would be me.


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## Judycat (Jun 30, 2021)

Aneeda72 said:


> Well, that’s the problem isn’t it?  They won’t pretend you are not there and next you will be cleaning up, babysitting, cooking (well, I won’t be cooking unless they want to die), and other stuff.
> 
> Might as well get a job as a maid.


No they may think that but after about five days they would understand, grandma needs her space.


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## Aneeda72 (Jun 30, 2021)

Judycat said:


> No they may think that but after about five days they would understand, grandma needs her space.


Yes, but you’d have to clean off the sofa first to MAKE a space.


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## JonDouglas (Jun 30, 2021)

We live in a carriage house that is separate from but attached to one of the kid's homes.  As living arrangements go, it's worked out well so far. It would not work for very long if we had to share living space.


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## RadishRose (Jun 30, 2021)

I would but only if I was not dependant health-wise, and it was an"in-law"space.


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## Judycat (Jun 30, 2021)

I'm already old and alone, plus I don't care.  It's foolish to think you can change what's coming anyway.


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## hollydolly (Jun 30, 2021)

RadishRose said:


> I would but only if I was not dependant health-wise, and it was an"in-law"space.


My daughter has zero patience except when it comes to her dogs  and their health..... , it would be a bad idea if I lived in her house or attached property if I relied on her to help me with aspects of my heath... ..I'd rather be in assisted living if I needed any kind of nursing care


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## StarSong (Jun 30, 2021)

RadishRose said:


> I would but only if I was not dependant health-wise, and it was an"in-law"space.


Same here.


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## StarSong (Jun 30, 2021)

hollydolly said:


> I'd rather be in assisted living if I needed any kind of nursing care


Absolutely agree.


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## katlupe (Jun 30, 2021)

No, I am alone as far as that goes. My son is disabled and I look after him even though he does live on his own. There is no way I would consider living in his place and he could never care for me. He has lived with me on and off over the years, but I think we are done with that. I hope to stay where I am until I die.


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## Sliverfox (Jun 30, 2021)

Our oldest son told me I could have a room in his house.
Told him I'd like to try living on my own for awhile.

His  house is a mess,, wondering if I'd become the "maid"?

Youngest  son & his wife have not offered me to live with them.
Which is fine with me.
Daughter in law is high maintenance  & I'm low level .

If & when I have to live alone, get so I can't care for myself will go into a 'home'.


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## Ruth n Jersey (Jun 30, 2021)

StarSong said:


> This question was posed in a game thread and it started me thinking.
> 
> I'd probably not share living quarters _with _one of my children, but if I were unable to live fully independently I could imagine paying for a granny-flat type place added to their property (one of my sons lives on 1/2 acre.
> 
> What about some of the rest of you? What would you do - or have you done?


@StarSong I feel the same way although my daughter does not have enough property for a granny pod. 
Their house could be renovated to add a small kitchen in the bottom floor. They already have a bathroom, shower and sitting room down there. 
Another problem I have is that they don't seem to stay in one place all that  long. 
I can't imagine packing and repacking at my age and I certainly don't want to die in some far off place.

My daughter isn't bossy but has a tendency to inform me what is good for me and what is not.
The last thing I need is to go to Bingo or sing alongs.

I've been pretty much anti social my whole life and like it that way. I have no intention of being a social butterfly at my age.
If I want to rot in my recliner while looking at my photo albums, so be it.


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## Jules (Jun 30, 2021)

No.  When I go for holidays for a week, I’m at wits end and my tongue is bleeding from all the biting.  

I’ve thought about it because of DH’s health issues. If he predeceases me, I’ll be moving back east near where they live.  There’s nothing to keep me here.  I absolutely hate the area they live in so would want to find a place in a reasonable sized city - whether an apartment or senior care home.


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## Pepper (Jun 30, 2021)

When my son was elementary school age, he Promised, a couple of times that I shouldn't ever worry about being old and broke, that I could Always have a cardboard box in his living room.  I should have gotten him to sign a contract...............no, minors aren't bound to contracts.  True story.


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## officerripley (Jun 30, 2021)

Well, never had kids but even if Huzz and I had, he wouldn't allow it (he'd come back & haunt me if need be). As far as he's concerned we're both still in our 30s and totally able to still take care of this big old lonely place. To paraphrase Mel Brooks, "It's good to be the King (of Denial)."


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## Aneeda72 (Jun 30, 2021)

StarSong said:


> Absolutely agree.


I agree also


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## Aneeda72 (Jun 30, 2021)

Pepper said:


> When my son was elementary school age, he Promised, a couple of times that I shouldn't ever worry about being old and broke, that I could Always have a cardboard box in his living room.  I should have gotten him to sign a contract...............no, minors aren't bound to contracts.  True story.


When my son was that age I asked him would he take care of me in my old age, he replied “can’t you get welfare?”  I suppose I had to take him to the free clinic too many times.


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## Manatee (Jun 30, 2021)

My kids both live in the Pacific northwest with its lousy climate and horrendous cost of living.  My daughter is exploring retirement in a few years and coming back east.  That would make a big difference.


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## Verisure (Jul 22, 2021)

StarSong said:


> This question was posed in a game thread and it started me thinking.
> 
> I'd probably not share living quarters _with _one of my children, but if I were unable to live fully independently I could imagine paying for a granny-flat type place added to their property (one of my sons lives on 1/2 acre.
> 
> What about some of the rest of you? What would you do - or have you done?


In many parts of the world, this is normal. Parents take care of their children (who are too young to take care of themselves)  then later the children take care of their parents (who are too old to take care of themselves). After all, children grow up with their (too old to take care of themselves) grandparents in the house. In their philosophy, this is how life is meant to be ..... thanking their parents for all they have given them. It is very beautiful in a romantic sense. Don't you think so too? I mean, as long as it works well.


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## Verisure (Jul 22, 2021)

Tom 86 said:


> I want to buy one of these & blast around the neighborhood.
> View attachment 171596


I just love the sound of a well-tuned four cylinder Honda or Kawasaki. It's just as exciting as hearing a 12-cylinder Ferrari overtaking at high revs.


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## Elsie (Jul 22, 2021)

Judycat said:


> Yeah grandma shuffling around in the background. That would be me.


LOL.  I can just picture that.


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## Judycat (Jul 22, 2021)

Elsie said:


> LOL.  I can just picture that.


Me too.


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## StarSong (Jul 22, 2021)

Verisure said:


> In many parts of the world, this is normal. Parents take care of their children (who are too young to take care of themselves)  then later the children take care of their parents (who are too old to take care of themselves). After all, children grow up with their (too old to take care of themselves) grandparents in the house. In their philosophy, this is how life is meant to be ..... thanking their parents for all they have given them. It is very beautiful in a romantic sense. Don't you think so too? I mean, as long as it works well.


It might be normal and even offered by our children, but that doesn't mean either side would find it enjoyable or even palatable.  

I'm very familiar with the pattern you describe.  My grandmother was widowed at about age 45 and began living with our family almost immediately after that.  She remained with us until she died about 25 years later. It went relatively smoothly, all things considered.  

These days 45 is considered the prime of life.  

When I was growing up many of my friends' grandparents lived with them.  Some relationships went well, others were so obviously contentious that even as a youngster I was uncomfortable with the household tension and occasional sniping back and forth.


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## GAlady (Jul 22, 2021)

Aneeda72 said:


> Well, that’s the problem isn’t it?  They won’t pretend you are not there and next you will be cleaning up, babysitting, cooking (well, I won’t be cooking unless they want to die), and other stuff.
> 
> Might as well get a job as a maid.


Amen!


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## Ruby Rose (Jul 22, 2021)

StarSong said:


> This question was posed in a game thread and it started me thinking.
> 
> I'd probably not share living quarters _with _one of my children, but if I were unable to live fully independently I could imagine paying for a granny-flat type place added to their property (one of my sons lives on 1/2 acre.
> 
> What about some of the rest of you? What would you do - or have you done?


After my husband passed and I decided to relocate to the Prairies, I stayed with my eldest daughter and her husband for four months until I decided and found the right abode...and I did. 'No rush', they said but 'the sooner the better' I thought, as totally not my 'plan'. I had so many lists going from arranging to have a holding tank set in the ground, connect to a well to a landline, etc etc. T'was an endless list but I got through it. I had been in control out of necessity for too many years...thus rather set in my ways. I love them dearly but common sense must prevail....plus I love my space. They were (are) intelligent enough and set in their ways to understand. Everything worked out great as we are all close by and there for each other. The weird thing about all this is that my son (unmarried, etc) asked to live WITH me and has, but fear not, Momma is the BOSS! Everything going great...did I tell anyone that I am great at making out notes of things to do...All for now, ha ha!


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## Sunny (Jul 22, 2021)

Old and alone? No way. Let's face it, I'm not a spring chicken, and I'm happily living alone and independently right now.

But if I couldn't manage on my own any more, sure, I'd rather live with one of my children than in a group facility. Probably the best solution would be one of those "mother-in-law" additions to their house, which I'd gladly pay for.


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## Lakeland living (Jul 22, 2021)

Nononnonononono, not ever now way.....


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## mellowyellow (Jul 22, 2021)

I would hate it with a passion, it would mean losing my independence.


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## TooMuchMuktuk (Jul 22, 2021)

No.  Both my daughters are married and it would not be good for their marriage or for me to live with them.  I pray to God that I will die quickly before I am that dependent.  At this point, I'm actually considering moving to another State so that it is so inconvenient that it would not be feasable for them to even consider trying to take care of me.


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## feywon (Aug 9, 2021)

Already do, daughter is a millennial, most of life other than work is 'online'.  We have a 3 bedroom, 1400 sq ft home and respect each other's need for solitude, but on her days off do share some activities and lively discussions. She works 37.5 to 40+ hrs a week, in evenings when most of my chores and errands are done so i get a good amount of time to myself that is full solitude. We share all expenses. Works for us.


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## twinkles (Aug 9, 2021)

well you are looking at a  dummy-cause i moved in with my youngest daughter and sil and grandson--i was looking for a place to live but the only thing icould afford was  in a high crime area--so 10 years later i am still here sleeping in the living room
 on the couch---well it is cool  in here


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## feywon (Aug 9, 2021)

It's another of those highly individual things where people have to find what works for them.   Someone asked me once what if my daughter fell in love and got married?   As long as he didn't want to whisk her off some where we would find a way. We have several acres and as long as we put in a septic tank for another home we could put one up, or bring in a mobile home. i might even share some of the cost of that if i could get it in writing that they can't sell without my permission and and if they do i get back what i put into it or get to buy them out.  Then i'd probably make it an inexpensive hostel like rest stop for Continental Trail hikers, to bring in more income---but that's unlikely.  My kiddo has seen too much, and heard too many stories,  she really doesn't long to be married, tho i think she does feel she's missing something not having at least one child. And that makes me sad for her. 

i have never cared for being on either end of 'nagging', so after a few tries in her late teens to get her dating (she went to dances her brothers church held) i told her it was her life. Just let me know if she wants to do it different.


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## Tish (Aug 9, 2021)

Nuh, not happening.


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## mellowyellow (Aug 9, 2021)

twinkles said:


> well you are looking at a  dummy-cause i moved in with my youngest daughter and sil and grandson--i was looking for a place to live but the only thing icould afford was  in a high crime area--so 10 years later i am still here sleeping in the living room
> on the couch---well it is cool  in here


You are definitely not a dummy and kudos to your daughter, son in law and grandson, you must be a nice, easy person to live with, otherwise it wouldn't work.


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## Forerunner (Aug 9, 2021)

I live with my son, his woman, and my beautiful granddaughter. Not only do we deserve each other, we truly love each other. I sing the praises of God; he sings the praises of bud. Being Canadian, that's okay...I guess.


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## Gary O' (Aug 9, 2021)

StarSong said:


> What about some of the rest of you? What would you do - or have you done?


If my woman went before me, I'd sell everything and head to the coast

However, at present, the notion of building another cabin somewhere on our acreage, and living there, on an adjacent lot by our son and grandkids seems feasible

But....that's just a notion

I really can't stand the thought of living with* anybody*


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## horseless carriage (Aug 10, 2021)

My father-in-law lived with his daughter, for the last ten years of his life, following the death of his wife. My own father lived with his daughter, my sister, for many years, until his death. In both cases neither daughter was married. Sister-in-law was divorced and my own sister was widowed.

We don't have the choice, we don't have any children.


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## Colleen (Aug 10, 2021)

If I'm still in good health and still have half my marbles left, NO!! My son, who doesn't even like me, is out of the question. His "wife" (don't know if they ever got married because after 10 years of living together, they got engaged 3 years ago, but I never heard if they married) has never liked me and never made an effort to get to know me, so there's no way I'd live with them...ever.

My husband's kids would not be an option, either. We've always tolerated each other for their dad's sake but don't really like each other. They're the proverbial know-it-all's and I'd never have any independence. Not going to happen. I would hope I'd be able to have my own place in a condo with my cat


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## drifter (Aug 12, 2021)

Only if there were no other options. I'm thinking as long as I'm mentally okay it would be better than a nursing home
if I didn't cause problems among child and wife or husband. But I would want to be independent as long as possible.


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## oldpanightowl (Aug 17, 2021)

I tried it for a while. All I can say is it was definitely a lesson in patience and tolerance for all involved.


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## PamfromTx (Aug 17, 2021)

No children here but plenty of nephews and nieces.  One niece has promised (not that I asked for anything) to build me a tiny house (lol) in her property if and when I need it.   She and her husband bought acres in the country with plans to build a house.  Poor girl, she says she'll have to house her mother-in-law as well.


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## carouselsilver (Sep 4, 2021)

Pinky said:


> I think it would be tolerable. My daughter and I get along extremely well.


It's just the opposite with me and my daughter.  I guess I wouldn't.


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## Lawrence (Sep 5, 2021)

I could live with my son as long as I have my cave I could hide in.


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## HoneyNut (Sep 6, 2021)

Right now I wouldn't want to because my daughter is only 25 and still emotional like young people are.  But in 15 or 20 years it would be nice I think, assuming I had my own space.  
My mom and I shared a house, originally the plan was to build a mother-in-law apt, but the economy was down (2009-2010) and her health was failing, so we just shared the house.  Much of the time I was at work and my daughter was at school or running around with friends, so my mom had plenty of private time.  I felt good that I could do things for her -- open jars, change light bulbs, etc., and once when the home health aide bandaged her puffy legs snuggly and by the middle of the night my mom was going nuts from the restriction, she was very glad I was available to be woken up to take them off.


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## Manatee (Sep 8, 2021)

Tom 86 said:


> I want to buy one of these & blast around the neighborhood.
> View attachment 171596


Kamikaze is spelled wrong on that scooter.


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## Tom 86 (Sep 8, 2021)

Manatee said:


> Not really.  It's a Kawaski motorcycle engine.


https://www.webbikeworld.com/2021-kawasaki-motorcycle-lineup/


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## Fiddle1973 (Sep 8, 2021)

No-unless it was a small attached apartment and each of us could be totally independent. Even then I have my doubts….I’ve seen what happens when a daughter becomes sole caregiver and from experience, I don’t want her to go through that.


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