# Wills for the poor and alone



## NorthernLight (Aug 22, 2022)

My question is not about how to write a will. It's about whom to assign to take care of things when it will barely be worth their while.

My daughter and I are estranged. We live far apart, in different provinces. Some things are handled quite differently from province to province (e.g., car ownership). I have very few assets. 

A couple of years ago, I chose a local acquaintance who was willing to be my executor and beneficiary. She would close all my accounts, pay final expenses, and so on. In return, she would receive whatever my car and bank account were worth, plus a death payment from the government. Just a few thousand in total -- enough to make it worth the hassle.

A friend said this was a slap in the face to my daughter. But in fact I wanted to spare my daughter the expense of coming here, and the difficulties in figuring out how things are done in a strange place and unfamiliar jurisdiction.

I prepared the will, naming my acquaintance, but I never signed it. 

Then I moved last year. In my new town, I don't know anyone who I could name. 

I looked into just letting the government deal with it. They will do it only if one's assets are enough to cover their expenses. I don't qualify.

I think it would be irresponsible to do nothing. But I don't know what to do.


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## Aunt Bea (Aug 22, 2022)

I'm in a similar situation and don't have any good answers.

I hate to leave things in the hands of an attorney.

In the United States, you can add a pay-on-death beneficiary to your bank and brokerage accounts so they will automatically go to the person listed.

Good luck!


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## katlupe (Aug 22, 2022)

I am clueless in this situation. I know I have to figure something out. I do have a son but he is disabled (mentally) and could never handle any of this. I have a brother, but he is not able to figure out a cellphone let alone take care of someone's last affairs. I am researching this a lot lately.


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## hawkdon (Aug 22, 2022)

I have my sister as POD on my finance acct's...but since cremation and place for ashes is paid for, I left it to those
folks to carry the box and put it in place....otherwise my sis
will be notified and that is about it....everything in the house
will go to trash or thrift stores.....that's up to landlord....


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## NorthernLight (Aug 22, 2022)

hawkdon said:


> I have my sister as POD on my finance acct's...but since cremation and place for ashes is paid for, I left it to those
> folks to carry the box and put it in place....otherwise my sis
> will be notified and that is about it....everything in the house
> will go to trash or thrift stores.....that's up to landlord....


I wish it seemed that simple to me. Somebody has to notify the bank that I died. And the government. Then end my contracts/payments with the electric company, cell phone company, website host, or whatever. And deal with my car. Go through my wallet and personal papers, and make sure my cards, ID, and so on are disposed of or dealt with. I'm overwhelmed just thinking of all the passwords and instructions and where-to-find-its I have to write down. (Apart from the will itself.)

If I die today, the landlord will notify my sister, because I couldn't think of another name to put as an emergency contact. But she lives far away too, and I don't expect her to sort all this out.


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## Aunt Bea (Aug 23, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> I wish it seemed that simple to me. Somebody has to notify the bank that I died. And the government. Then end my contracts/payments with the electric company, cell phone company, website host, or whatever. And deal with my car. Go through my wallet and personal papers, and make sure my cards, ID, and so on are disposed of or dealt with. I'm overwhelmed just thinking of all the passwords and instructions and where-to-find-its I have to write down. (Apart from the will itself.)
> 
> If I die today, the landlord will notify my sister, because I couldn't think of another name to put as an emergency contact. But she lives far away too, and I don't expect her to sort all this out.


Do the best you can, enjoy your life, and try not to worry about the details. 

_“Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.” -_ John Lennon


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## MarciKS (Aug 23, 2022)

i don't have anything worth bothering with. and no one to bother with it. i figure the state will come in and clear things out. idk.


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## WheatenLover (Aug 23, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> My question is not about how to write a will. It's about whom to assign to take care of things when it will barely be worth their while.
> 
> My daughter and I are estranged. We live far apart, in different provinces. Some things are handled quite differently from province to province (e.g., car ownership). I have very few assets.
> 
> ...


See if you can put your car as joint owner with your daughter, and if that means she will automatically inherit it when she dies. You may want to check out how to handle the sale of the car from a distance, and give the info to your daughter. Also, give the info on how to change the title to a sole owner to your daughter.

See if you can make your bank accounts "payable on death" to your daughter.

Of course, none of this has to be payable to your daughter. You can select anyone you choose, including a charity.

In the US, one can do this, and I have. Everything I own goes outside the will; therefore there is no will. My personal property and household goods - well, no need for a will for that. The kids can do what they want. My dog -- I have solemn promises from the kids that they will take him if I die first. They love the dog, too, so I am sure they will.


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## WheatenLover (Aug 23, 2022)

katlupe said:


> I am clueless in this situation. I know I have to figure something out. I do have a son but he is disabled (mentally) and could never handle any of this. I have a brother, but he is not able to figure out a cellphone let alone take care of someone's last affairs. I am researching this a lot lately.


See if your state (maybe they all do) has a Special Needs Trust you can put your assets in for your son.


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## WheatenLover (Aug 23, 2022)

MarciKS said:


> i don't have anything worth bothering with. and no one to bother with it. i figure the state will come in and clear things out. idk.


If your stuff is suitable, you may want to bequeath it to a charity. I bet they have the proper forms!


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## WheatenLover (Aug 23, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> I wish it seemed that simple to me. Somebody has to notify the bank that I died. And the government. Then end my contracts/payments with the electric company, cell phone company, website host, or whatever. And deal with my car. Go through my wallet and personal papers, and make sure my cards, ID, and so on are disposed of or dealt with. I'm overwhelmed just thinking of all the passwords and instructions and where-to-find-its I have to write down. (Apart from the will itself.)
> 
> If I die today, the landlord will notify my sister, because I couldn't think of another name to put as an emergency contact. But she lives far away too, and I don't expect her to sort all this out.


The entire thing is a pain in the you-know-what.

You can make a "death book" and send it to your sister. Tell her the information she needs to notify everyone of your death. The "death book" is the most PITA thing of all.

She may need death certificates to send to creditors and utilities. Usually a funeral home supplies them, so she will need to know your final arrangements so she can get her hands on them. You don't have to make final arrangements, just let your sister or daughter know what they are and that your sister will need the death certificates, most likely.


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## HarryHawk (Aug 23, 2022)

I would at least send a note to your daughter asking her if she has a preference rather than making that decision yourself.  Either she will or won't in which case you will honor her decision.

If your daughter is non-responsive or has no interest, maybe a favorite charity would help you set up a trust which would transfer your assets to the charity.  Most charities provide advice and assistance regarding legacy giving.

When all else fails, once you are gone it is no longer your problem things will somehow get sorted out, they always do.


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## OneEyedDiva (Aug 23, 2022)

With so many things being handled online and by phone lately, is there any way the friend who agreed to take care of things could still do it from where she is? I noticed that with the pandemic, a lot of matters are being handled differently than they used to be. Do you have a legal aid system where you can get legal advice free of charge? If so, perhaps you could consult an attorney to see if an executor who could answer my first question. 

I don't know how choosing someone else is a "slap in the face to your daughter" since you and her are already estranged. Who knows if she would be receptive to the idea of being an executor. I admire the fact that you want to do the right thing and not leave messy matters behind. I hope you will find a viable solution.


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## WheatenLover (Aug 23, 2022)

OneEyedDiva said:


> I don't know how choosing someone else is a "slap in the face to your daughter" since you and her are already estranged. Who knows if she would be receptive to the idea of being an executor. I admire the fact that you want to do the right thing and not leave messy matters behind. I hope you will find a viable solution.


For me, with 2 estranged sons, it is because I don't want them to believe I didn't love them or forgive them.


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## Chet (Aug 23, 2022)

Tell your daughter about the situation. Her attitude might change knowing life isn't forever. If there is no interest look into a charity. My aunt left what little she had to the church. You're clearly a responsible person with your forward thinking but it aint gonna matter to you when you're gone.


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## OneEyedDiva (Aug 23, 2022)

WheatenLover said:


> For me, with 2 estranged sons, it is because I don't want them to believe I didn't love them or forgive them.


I understand!


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## rgp (Aug 23, 2022)

Well ..... the standard [smart-ass] answer is why worry ? You will be dead .

But my actual answer is , do you have a senior services dept in your community? They may be willing to help . Perhaps part of your taxes, or for a reasonable fee. 

I have been pondering this myself lately , I talked with a friend about it , I trust him, and he is detail oriented so I know it would be done correctly . Trouble is, he is 75, and a cancer survivor so ..... will he outlive me ? My half sister is 80, and we're not really close. And ... she is pretty well heeled anyway ... so she doesn't need the money or the hassles.

I'm close to just hiring an attorney , make my whishes known ..... and hope he doesn't rip-off the estate too badly ..... But then again, I won't worry, for the reason noted. 

Too me, the real worry is a living will ...... if you become stricken , but not dead. That can get ugly !


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## HarryHawk (Aug 23, 2022)

OneEyedDiva said:


> I don't know how choosing someone else is a "slap in the face to your daughter" since you and her are already estranged. Who knows if she would be receptive to the idea of being an executor. I admire the fact that you want to do the right thing and not leave messy matters behind. I hope you will find a viable solution.


Sometimes people change when they grow up.  Regardless of how I felt about my child at the present, I would do everything I could to make sure that someday my child wouldn't end up regretting how we parted ways for the last time.  It would then be too late, and could be a burden upon the child for the rest of their life.


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## jimintoronto (Aug 23, 2022)

WheatenLover said:


> See if your state (maybe they all do) has a Special Needs Trust you can put your assets in for your son.


She lives in CANADA, not the USA. Different country, with different rules and regulations. JimB.


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## Marie5656 (Aug 23, 2022)

*My feeling is that there is no hard and fast rule as to who we name as beneficiaries of our estate. I have no children, have two nieces and a nephew...all of whom are more financially comfortable than I am.  I feel no need to leave them anything monetary.  My niece Julie knows she can take whatever of my books and posessions she wants, and donate the rest.  She is beneficiary of my 401K*


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## Alligatorob (Aug 23, 2022)

Marie5656 said:


> My feeling is that there is no hard and fast rule as to who we name as beneficiaries of our estate.


In many cases I believe that is true, but my home state of Louisiana has a "Forced Heirship" law, as do a few other places. 

@NorthernLight I don't know you or your daughter, so take this with as many grains of salt as you like.  I do agree with some of the others that this something you should contact your daughter about, even if just in a letter.  And think hard before you disown her, no matter how small the estate or the relationship that kind of thing can hurt a person.  And from your posts I believe you are a good woman, and would not want to cause her pain.  Now you are welcome to tell me its none of my business, it really isn't.


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## WheatenLover (Aug 23, 2022)

jimintoronto said:


> She lives in CANADA, not the USA. Different country, with different rules and regulations. JimB.


Yes, I realize that the OP lives in Canada.

The person I was replying to in that post lives in New York.


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## Jules (Aug 24, 2022)

@NorthernLight   This is something I had never considered.  As I understand it in BC, if you die Intestate, the government takes over, for a fee.  I’d never thought of the closing of internet, power companies, cell phone and all you mentioned.  And all those darned passwords that someone might need to close everything down.  I wish I had some suggestions.  Legal aid might have some advice, if you can get an appointment.  Perhaps there’s a financial advice type show on BC television that you could write and ask them to discuss this.  Maybe CBC radio in BC.  Maybe someone in the a Ministry of aging.  There’ll be many people in your situation who just haven’t thought about this. 

Maybe this one could help.

https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/family-social-supports/seniors


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## NorthernLight (Aug 24, 2022)

Thank you all for your replies. I don't want to leave a mess behind. I've experienced situations where, in an attempt to get paid, the phone company and other creditors have harassed relatives, strangers with the same surname, or even the new tenant of the debtor's former home. It's very creepy. I don't want anyone to be subject to that because of me.

My intention was not to disown my daughter, but I guess technically that's what it is. Four years ago, she became angry with me about how I did something, without knowing all the facts. I sent a brief apology (without an explanation) and thought we were okay. But then a month later she sent an ad hominem attack, mentioning past things that we had already talked about and that I thought were resolved. So I "assumed" she was done with me.

Anyway, after reading your insights, I agree that I should write her a letter outlining the basics of my request.

If she's not interested, I'll ask the local hospice if they can be my executor and beneficiary. Even if they say no, they can probably point me in the right direction.

I have researched all the government resources and info. They are helpful up to a point, but not for the specifics of my case.

I've been going nowhere with this for too long. I'm grateful to you all for helping me make some sense of it.


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## HarryHawk (Aug 24, 2022)

You have a very well thought out and comprehensive plan of action.  Good job!

One last thought, we just buried my Mom a month ago.  The funeral parlor took care of alot of the various logistics.  I know many of the funeral parlors have options to pre-paid for the arrangements you would like to have followed.  If you made your arrangements ahead of time, it would simplify the process for those who will be taking care of your affairs.


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## Murrmurr (Aug 24, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> If she's not interested, *I'll ask the local hospice* if they can be my executor and beneficiary. Even if they say no, they can probably point me in the right direction.


Yes, hospice can refer you to the right organization. Also, your primary doctor can.


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## Remy (Aug 24, 2022)

Ignore what that "friend" said, she's wrong. 

I don't have anything and I do need to get that in order. I plan to go full on no contact with my brother when my stepfather is gone, so I won't have anyone. I'd want PAWS thrift to get all my possessions, they could send volunteers to get my items. I have plenty of sellable things. Any money or if I do have a mobile home when I die (and not just renting still) I guess I'd want to go to my nieces but I wouldn't be in contact with them so I'm not sure how that would work. And maybe donation to a local animal organization.


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## Blessed (Aug 24, 2022)

Remy said:


> Ignore what that "friend" said, she's wrong.
> 
> I don't have anything and I do need to get that in order. I plan to go full on no contact with my brother when my stepfather is gone, so I won't have anyone. I'd want PAWS thrift to get all my possessions, they could send volunteers to get my items. I have plenty of sellable things. Any money or if I do have a mobile home when I die (and not just renting still) I guess I'd want to go to my nieces but I wouldn't be in contact with them so I'm not sure how that would work. And maybe donation to a local animal organization.


Just put there names in your will that any money and property to go to them.  If you have any contact information, phone and address, list that, I would think that they would be contacted through the court/probate system. If you don't have a will thru an attorney, I would make one myself, have it notarized and keep a copy at home.  Check your state with their rules and the original can be filed to be held in safekeeping upon your death.


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