# The Holiday Season Saddens Me



## Lon (Dec 9, 2014)

I am for the most part, a positive and up beat guy, but for some reason or other I am sad during the Holiday Season and I am not really sure why, other than most of the un happy and un pleasant memories of my past occured during the Xmas Season both as a youth and young adult.


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## SeaBreeze (Dec 9, 2014)

I don't think you're alone in your feelings Lon, I think the holiday season is either sad or bittersweet for many of us, especially as we get older, for various reasons.


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## AprilT (Dec 9, 2014)

Like, what Sea said the season is that way for many of us.  So far, I'm doing better this year than others, but, that's not to say, I'm not having my moments, but, there've been a few people in my life, whom have been a great help in making the days more bearable.  

I have an engagement, I'm supposed to attend this coming weekend, I've been talking myself in and out of following through since I agreed to go.  I'm just not up to all the cheer of the group, but, I know, once there, I'll likely enjoy myself, but at the moment, I just want to stay home and not deal with the those smiley happy people and one in particular.  Sigh.  I'll probably go, unless my back gives out.


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## oldman (Dec 17, 2014)

Yes, I agree, it is bittersweet for me. I miss my parents so much that it hurts like Hell. I have been to a psychologist for this reason, but they can't help me over this hump in my life. I miss them all year, but come Christmas, it is actually painful because that was our most joyous time together as a family. My Dad was in the service for all of my childhood life, but he was a Christmas kind of guy with decorating and food preparations, celebrating and just everything about Christmas was him. I had trains (electric) that I would put up on a platform at Christmas time with a little village built around it and a mountain and some working equipment also. It was a really neat set-up. I would sometimes catch my Dad playing with them after I went to bed, but never said anything. My Mom did all the cooking and baking and I mean baking. The day after Thanksgiving, you would find my Dad stringing lights on the house and shrubbery with me by his side testing the lights and untangling the mess from the year before. What a festive occasion we had. My Dad was my best friend and I speak to him often when I visit his grave. The psychologist had me write a letter to my Dad and read it to him at his grave. It was supposed to shed me of my separation issues, but it didn't work. I felt worse and almost wanted to die right there, so I could be with him, if that was even possible. That was my last visit to the psychologist. Yeah, I got it bad. This is the demon that I live with. After that comes Vietnam. 

For the sake of my family, (wife, children and grandchildren), I put on a good face all the while trying to fight back the tears. I only ever shared this with my psychologist and Pastor. It feels good to talk about it, but I have to be careful who I talk to. Most people don't understand. I have heard others say similar things while talking to people in a group that I may have been part of and when they walk away, they are made fun of by those that the person just spoke with. I think to myself, "I am never going to tell anyone about my issues." I feel safe here. Nobody knows me and that is a good thing. When I worked at the airline and would have to fly on Christmas Eve, I would feel very close to my parents being at 35,000 feet in the air. It was comforting.

There, I have bared my soul. Sorry to have hijacked the thread.


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## ClassicRockr (Dec 17, 2014)

Wife and I have each other and that makes for a VERY Merry Christmas for us. We've been to two church Christmas Programs and was at our apt. complex Christmas Party last night. All three were great! 

I've already said this in a "Christmas Decorating" Thread, but will say it here.........when I was single/divorced, and wasn't involved with a girl, I didn't celebrate Christmas at all. Went to a couple of really nice company Christmas Party's, but that was it. I also bought some gifts for myself. Christmas Day was just another "day off" for me. Kind of made me depressed, but not a lot.


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## drifter (Dec 17, 2014)

The Holliday Season saddens me and I can not say why. I'm always glad when it's over.

On another note, did I get in on 2012 or have you stopped writing this blog: www.thoughtsandtravels.blogspot.com
I saw two or three trips in your travels, that appeared to be an adventure for a lifetime. What I read I enjoyed. Cheers.


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## crochet lady (Dec 19, 2014)

Me too, Lon. I have found that if I keep Christmas to a minimum and focus on what I am going to do the first part of the year I manage it alot better. I make all kinds of plans for myself: gardening plots, get my plans on paper, organize my seeds; plans to throw junk out or donate, organize the closets; start a new exercise. I'm sure these things sound boring to many people, but these are interesting to me and it keeps my mind on more positive things. I, also, never watch Christmas TV shows and I limit listening to Christmas music to about 5 songs (that's all I can take).


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## Georgia Lady (Dec 20, 2014)

Christmas makes me unhappy because there will be children WHO will not have their wishes come true.  New Years saddens me because the year is gone and you can never get it back.


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## Butterfly (Dec 29, 2014)

The holidays always make me feel sadly nostalgic, and a bit drained when they are over.  I ignore as much of the hoo-ha as I can.  Anything I try to do seems to fall flat, or feel like it does.

 I completely ignore New Year's.


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## jujube (Dec 29, 2014)

I have a hard time accepting that the holidays are not going to be like they used to be.  Family has scattered all over the world or go away for Christmas.    Every year, I tell myself to stop longing for the past; every year I long for the past anyway.  This one was the Christmas from hell.  I'm going to have a good one next year if it kills me....


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## Melody1948 (Dec 30, 2014)

I hate the holidays now.  I liked it when my son was young.....but since becoming a senior, I can't stand it.  Very sad time of year for me.  I don't mind New Years, but Christmas is bad.


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## Phoenix14 (Dec 30, 2014)

I think I would be tempted to take a short break over Christmas if I felt so bad, a change from the normal might help.


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## SifuPhil (Dec 30, 2014)

One nice thing about not celebrating _any_ holidays (except the ones you make up yourself) - you never get down in the dumps.


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## AprilT (Dec 30, 2014)

I'm not fond of the season either, but I did exceptionally well this past Christmas day, not every moment was great, but the day itself wasn't so much a problem and wouldn't be for the fact that it just really difficult to not notice all the other people getting together with their families and I know I'm a broken record on the matter, but, I so miss my siblings every day, but even more so on the holidays.  Doesn't help that three of them had birthdays during this time.  Today is one of my sister's birthdays, New Year's day is another of my sister's birthday and my brother's is coming up a few days later.  I won't sit around and mope about it, but, I do miss them so much and it does sadden me at times when I see all the cheery families around town and on tv pretty difficult to ignore when everywhere I go everyone is asking your are your ready, did you finish all your shopping and a barrage of other questions pertaining to the day every single minute you walk out your door.  :dontworry::woohoo1::bounce:epper:     I just smile and say :thankyou1:  and wish them the same and feel mostly empty, not annoyed, just empty in the moment.

But, I am happy to say, I got through the day feeling just fine and soon it will all be over till next year.  Good luck with finding a place to escape to that you aren't inundated with holiday greetings, this has become nearly a worldwide phenomenon.   I've thought about maybe a psyche ward for a holiday repreve during the holiday season, but, there's no app for that.  LOL


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## AprilT (Dec 30, 2014)

I'm not fond of the season either, but I did exceptionally well this past Christmas day, not every moment was great, but the day itself wasn't so much a problem and wouldn't be for the fact that it just really difficult to not notice all the other people getting together with their families and I know I'm a broken record on the matter, but, I so miss my siblings every day, but even more so on the holidays.  Doesn't help that three of them had birthdays during this time.  Today is one of my sister's birthdays, New Year's day is another of my sister's birthday and my brother's is coming up a few days later.  I won't sit around and mope about it, but, I do miss them so much and it does sadden me at times when I see all the cheery families around town and on tv pretty difficult to ignore when everywhere I go everyone is asking your are your ready, did you finish all your shopping and a barrage of other questions pertaining to the day every single minute you walk out your door.  :dontworry::woohoo1::bounce:epper:     I just smile and say :thankyou1:  and wish them the same and feel mostly empty, not annoyed, just empty in the moment.

But, I am happy to say, I got through the day feeling just fine and soon it will all be over till next year.  Good luck with finding a place to escape to that you aren't inundated with holiday greetings, this has become nearly a worldwide phenomenon.   I've thought about maybe a psyche ward for a holiday repreve during the holiday season, but, there's no app for that.  LOL


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## Butterfly (Dec 31, 2014)

jujube said:


> I have a hard time accepting that the holidays are not going to be like they used to be.  Family has scattered all over the world or go away for Christmas.    Every year, I tell myself to stop longing for the past; every year I long for the past anyway.  This one was the Christmas from hell.  I'm going to have a good one next year if it kills me....



I also had the Christmas day from hell this year.  It was just awful.  Better I shoulda stayed home with Netflix.  Next year I will either hibernate or go somewhere else, or something.


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## deesierra (Nov 15, 2015)

Catching up with this thread almost a year later . As SeaBreeze said, Lon, you are not alone in your feelings. The holidays are a time for family gatherings, and for those of us without family or family too far away to share in the festivities with, it can be a very lonely time of year.


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## Fern (Nov 16, 2015)

When we were without family for some years, on Xmas Day we took ourselves out for the day, not to a restaurant to have our noses rubbed in it,but to our favourite spots like a walk in the park or along the beach. Being summertime I took cold ham, tomatoes, cold spuds and we had our xmas 'lunch' there. It certainly was a lot easier on us and the day passed quite quickly.


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## Kadee (Nov 16, 2015)

We are having my daughter and 10 year old G/D up for a few days before Christmas, they have to go home to Adelaide on C/D as she has a shared custody with her ex. We had son DIL and two young children last year and year before they ate me out of food left the house a mess that's what thanks I get for shouting them a two week holiday near the beach , so we said no more the fool ...and besides I haven't been well enough to even think about visitors other than my daughter and GD my daughter is really good she hops in and helps


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## AprilT (Nov 16, 2015)

AprilT said:


> I'm not fond of the season either, but I did exceptionally well this past Christmas day, not every moment was great, but the day itself wasn't so much a problem and wouldn't be for the fact that it just really difficult to not notice all the other people getting together with their families and I know I'm a broken record on the matter, but, I so miss my siblings every day, but even more so on the holidays.  Doesn't help that three of them had birthdays during this time.  Today is one of my sister's birthdays, New Year's day is another of my sister's birthday and my brother's is coming up a few days later.  I won't sit around and mope about it, but, I do miss them so much and it does sadden me at times when I see all the cheery families around town and on tv pretty difficult to ignore when everywhere I go everyone is asking your are your ready, did you finish all your shopping and a barrage of other questions pertaining to the day every single minute you walk out your door.  :dontworry::woohoo1::bounce:epper:     I just smile and say :thankyou1:  and wish them the same and feel mostly empty, not annoyed, just empty in the moment.
> 
> But, I am happy to say, I got through the day feeling just fine and soon it will all be over till next year.  Good luck with finding a place to escape to that you aren't inundated with holiday greetings, this has become nearly a worldwide phenomenon.   I've thought about maybe a psyche ward for a holiday repreve during the holiday season, but, there's no app for that.  LOL




Rince and repeat


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## tnthomas (Nov 16, 2015)

*Seasonal affective disorder*

For me the holidays are stressful and a bit depressing- am still reliving the nightmare of child custody and visitation, even-though my kids are adults.   Sounds petty, it is. But, it is my reality, my hell on Earth.

For some there is Seasonal affective disorder





> *Seasonal affective disorder* (*SAD*), also known as *winter depression*, *winter blues*, *summer depression*,*summertime sadness*, or *seasonal depression*, is a mood disorder subset in which people who have normal mental health throughout most of the year experience depressive symptoms in the winter or summer.[SUP][1][/SUP]In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders DSM-IV and DSM-5, its status was changed. It is no longer classified as a unique mood disorder but is now a specifier called *with seasonal pattern* for recurrent major depressive disorder that occurs at a specific time of the year and fully remits otherwise.[SUP][2][/SUP] Although experts were initially skeptical, this condition is now recognized as a common disorder.[SUP][3][/SUP] SAD's prevalence in the U.S. ranges from 1.4% in Florida to 9.9% in Alaska.[SUP][4][/SUP]
> The U.S. National Library of Medicine notes that "some people experience a serious mood change when the seasons change. They may sleep too much, have little energy, and may also feel depressed. Though symptoms can be severe, they usually clear up."[SUP][5][/SUP] The condition in the summer can include heightened anxiety.[SUP][6][/SUP]
> SAD was formally described and named in 1984 by Norman E. Rosenthal and colleagues at the National Institute of Mental Health.[SUP][7][/SUP][SUP][8][/SUP]
> 
> There are many treatments for classic (winter-based) seasonal affective disorder.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasonal_affective_disorder


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## fureverywhere (Nov 17, 2015)

Thanksgiving hasn't been Thanksgivingy since my aunt stopped making it...that was maybe 1985. Christmas, bah humbug. I enjoy decorating the tree and putting out the menorah, we go to my nieces house and have gifts for the wee ones. But nothing like when our own kids were small...then it looked like ToysRUs exploded. My favorite holiday now is Halloween


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## SifuPhil (Nov 17, 2015)

SAD . .. 1.4% in Florida to 9.9% in Alaska ... one might infer that the warmer the climate the less chance of getting this affliction ... hmmm ... me smells another paper coming up ... 

*off to research*


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## AprilT (Nov 17, 2015)

tnthomas said:


> For me the holidays are stressful and a bit depressing- am still reliving the nightmare of child custody and visitation, even-though my kids are adults.   Sounds petty, it is. But, it is my reality, my hell on Earth.
> 
> *For some there is Seasonal affective disorder*https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasonal_affective_disorder



Sounds about right when you take into account season vs holiday affecting the mood very different things.


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## SifuPhil (Nov 17, 2015)

AprilT said:


> Sounds about right when you take into account season vs holiday affecting the mood very different things.



True - you don't often hear about SAD during the 4th of July ...


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## AprilT (Nov 17, 2015)

SifuPhil said:


> True - you don't often hear about SAD during the 4th of July ...



Well you do get to blow stuff up so that might account for things in that instance for some relieves a lot of stress.    Then again for some has the opposite effect later in the evening when the exploding just won't stop.   LOL! Grrrrrrrrrrrr.  But I do love my warmer climate, I would do better if I took full advantage of the days in the sun.  I was one who was affected by seasonal disorder, fall up north drastically changed my mood for the worse, I love the feel of the sun and warmer temps.  It had been my dream since my teens to move to a warmer sunnier place, though FL wasn't at the top of my list, CA was my first choice, but, here I am.


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## Linda (Nov 17, 2015)

I have to fight depression this time of year. The whole season makes me miss my family (the one I grew up in) really bad and I feel very sad.  One year right after Christmas (Dec 31) my 6 year old sister was hit by a car and killed.  Christmas season is a time I can remember back to what we were doing then and I remember each person and miss them all.  We didn't have big fancy "we are all happy" Christmas's but we had our own poor, depressed, angry people's brand of Christmas and it makes me miss my family.  Due to religious belief's (which I will not go into as every time I talk about it someone gets pissed off at me) we did not celebrate Christmas when my husband and I were raising children so I don't feel sad missing my children this season.  

My friend feels bad at Christmas as her children are grown (and her husband is dead) and she remembers every Christmas morning they'd go to McDonalds for breakfast, as a special treat.  That wouldn't be a good memory for me, it'd be a nightmare as I hate McDonalds but everyone has their own memories.


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## SifuPhil (Nov 17, 2015)

AprilT said:


> Well you do get to blow stuff up so that might account for things in that instance for some relieves a lot of stress.    Then again for some has the opposite effect later in the evening when the exploding just won't stop.   LOL! Grrrrrrrrrrrr.  But I do love my warmer climate, I would do better if I took full advantage of the days in the sun.  I was one who was affected by seasonal disorder, fall up north drastically changed my mood for the worse, I love the feel of the sun and warmer temps.  It had been my dream since my teens to move to a warmer sunnier place, though FL wasn't at the top of my list, CA was my first choice, but, here I am.



Blowing things up - LOL! I only get sad when I run out of explosives ... 

I too held the dream of moving to a warmer climate - specifically, Florida - for many years. Being a native northerner I too felt the heavy weight of fall and winter on a yearly basis, and it does sap your strength after a while.

But until Florida legalizes weed I'm looking at Colorado. 

One must always consider one's priorities.


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## fureverywhere (Nov 17, 2015)

I love Colorado except it's even more expensive than tri-state and they still have breed ban laws. Weed or no weed, if they don't welcome my dog they can go to heck...I heard they're trying to legalize it in NJ as soon as they oust Christie. Legalize it and perhaps the holidays will be merrier


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## SeaBreeze (Nov 17, 2015)

Linda said:


> I have to fight depression this time of year. The whole season makes me miss my family (the one I grew up in) really bad and I feel very sad.  One year right after Christmas (Dec 31) my 6 year old sister was hit by a car and killed.  Christmas season is a time I can remember back to what we were doing then and I remember each person and miss them all.



I hear you Linda, Christmas usually reminds me of loved ones lost, parents, siblings, etc.  My husband's parents were living in our home when they were sickly and elderly, and his father passed on Christmas day, very sad for us and each year is a reminder.  My sincere condolences for the loss of your sister, you have certainly had more than your share of grief...hugs. :rose:


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## fishfulthinking (Dec 16, 2015)

Christmas time is a gamut of emotions.
We have been programmed to believe it is all about family, joy, gifts and happiness.  And sure many of us have had that in our life times over the Christmas season, but it goes away or changes and not always for the better.  It can be a deeply depressing time when we start experiencing "the first Christmas without my kids here", "the first Christmas without mom, or dad", "the first Christmas without my partner" etc.  Then the Christmas season starts to turn into a bad memory of loss at a time that was hammered into our head as being full of grandeur.
Sigh I have aging parents and this year for the first time ever our Christmas Dinner is going to be just them and my husband and I.  It's very important to them to have us around as they are very solitary and lonely.  We have told our grown children that to ease the pressure of all the split families they do not have to stress over coming out with us.  We will be looking after the elders and happily so.  But I know deep in my heart I will miss my daughters presence... and presents lol.  Kidding 
But in order to enjoy I think we have to alter our expectations.
For those who are alone, I hope you make the best of it.  Connect with others online and don't be lonely.  If you can get out, go volunteer at the soup kitchen.  I dunno, just keep your spirits up


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## SifuPhil (Dec 16, 2015)

fishfulthinking said:


> But in order to enjoy I think we have to alter our expectations.



Well said.



> For those who are alone, I hope you make the best of it.  Connect with others online and don't be lonely.  If you can get out, go volunteer at the soup kitchen.  I dunno, just keep your spirits up



Good ideas, Fish! :encouragement:


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## Shalimar (Dec 16, 2015)

So true fish. I intend to make new holiday memories, like pearls on a string, by reaching out both on and offline. My busy young son recently said something that resonated with me. He believes that online contact offers an opportunity for true 

connection because one has the chance to think before spewing out words--whereas offline it is all too easy to speak without
thinking things through.


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## SifuPhil (Dec 16, 2015)

Shalimar said:


> ... He believes that online contact offers an opportunity for true connection because one has the chance to think before spewing out words--whereas offline it is all too easy to speak without thinking things through.



While true for most people, I'm not sure this applies to those of us stricken with the heartbreak of verbal diarrhea.


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## fureverywhere (Dec 16, 2015)

It's funny but in real life I'm very soft spoken add that and the hearing difficulties and communicating face to face can be tricky sometimes. My Mum would be telling me that I mumbled for so many years I made myself deaf. I know it was my kids...screamers all of 'em. Much easier writing or on the phone. I get frustrated when I have something particularly witty and by the time I make myself heard, the moment has passed.

Oy that Christmas Day is approaching like a train and I still don't have everything sorted. But to any of the pet lovers I suggest the gift a rescue group or shelter idea. It made me feel all warm inside. The shelter where we got Callie is on such a tight budget. Donating some treats and toys to brighten some lonely pup or kitties day is a great thing. Even donating time to walk some dogs or cuddle some cats...the animal groups usually need all the help they can get.

Another place to volunteer can be the hospitals. Something I would do if I could make the time. They have volunteers for babies in some of the bigger urban facilities. For babies born with habits and/or under the care of social services, they have people come in daily for cuddle time. Spend a couple hours cuddling babies, I mean does it get better than that?


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## Underock1 (Dec 16, 2015)

ClassicRockr said:


> Wife and I have each other and that makes for a VERY Merry Christmas for us. We've been to two church Christmas Programs and was at our apt. complex Christmas Party last night. All three were great!
> 
> I've already said this in a "Christmas Decorating" Thread, but will say it here.........when I was single/divorced, and wasn't involved with a girl, I didn't celebrate Christmas at all. Went to a couple of really nice company Christmas Party's, but that was it. I also bought some gifts for myself. Christmas Day was just another "day off" for me. Kind of made me depressed, but not a lot.



Enjoy your good times, Rockr. File away those memories.


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## Shalimar (Dec 16, 2015)

That is where a time out comes in handy Philly. Into the corner with you!


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## SifuPhil (Dec 16, 2015)

Shalimar said:


> That is where a time out comes in handy Philly. Into the corner with you!



Again?!?

Geeze ... this corner is getting warm from all the times I'm in it ...


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## Underock1 (Dec 16, 2015)

So much on this thread resonates with me. We share a common humanity. Little kids under the tree were Christmas for us. The joy gradually seeps away as they grow. All of those people who shared your memories gradually die off and life moves on to other places.
 This will be my first season without Eleanor. I'm managing. The hurt is expected and not entirely unwelcome. It tells me that I loved my wife and that I know she loved me. It occurred to me the other day, that there will be no New Year's kiss for me this year, or at any other time for the rest of my life.
I put up an 18" "Charlie Brown" replica tree and decorated the room with the ornaments that had particular significance for us.
 No hassling with Christmas lights ever again! :banana: There are _some _happy thoughts! 

My son will be hosting a party the week after Christmas with all of the people I would love to see. It would be a great time.
Unfortunately, with the number of people there, my hearing aids would make it impossible. I will end up as a visual spectator.
Others will try to include me in the conversation while I repeat "What did you say?" or pretend to hear. I will just be another body to fall over, if I don't fall over myself. My son and his wife will be stopping by some night before Christmas. I am trying to convince them that that's really all I need. I have a very personal plan for spending Christmas Eve with my memories. I will be just fine. 
So *Happy Holidays *everyone! :christmas2:


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## SifuPhil (Dec 16, 2015)

Ah, Rock, that's a sad story, but I'm glad you're finding the Christmas spirit regardless - good for you (and for Charlie Brown for lending you his tree!).


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## Shalimar (Dec 16, 2015)

Hugs Rock.:love_heart:


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## fureverywhere (Dec 16, 2015)

Hugs and purrs to Rock and everyone else. I will have Callie, my Mr. Baby and my niece's cookies on Christmas Day. Everything else is just icing on the cake


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## AprilT (Dec 16, 2015)

I can't believe I'm still britching and whining about the holidays on this same thread a whole year later, a special thanks to the person who repped me by mistake to my year ago posting.  

News year's resolution, no gripping about the holidays next year, will get it all out of my system by end of this year and then I'm done.  k:

Do not show me this post next year if I happen to be around with another whine fest.


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## fureverywhere (Dec 16, 2015)

Really just a warm dog, a sweet warm baby, and some danged good cookies and you have the spirit right there.


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## Cookie (Dec 16, 2015)

Agree fur --- we just need to have our supplies on hand --- comfort food -- chocolate, cookies, food, treats, favorite beverages, entertainment, comfy slippers  --- ready, set, go.


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## Underock1 (Dec 16, 2015)

Deleted screwed up post.


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## Underock1 (Dec 16, 2015)

Cookie said:


> Agree fur --- we just need to have our supplies on hand --- comfort food -- chocolate, cookies, food, treats, favorite beverages, entertainment, comfy slippers  --- ready, set, go.



My thanks to Phil and Shali and Furry for your support and hugs. I will be fine. Cookie knows the score and there it is..
:cheers1::chocolate::yes:


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