# I am ashamed of my kids.



## Robusta (Feb 25, 2018)

I just thought that I would see if any one would admit to having a less than perfect kid?

I had one put us through the wringer,but she has pulled her head out of there and is doing well.


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## Ken N Tx (Feb 25, 2018)

Robusta said:


> I just thought that I would see if any one would admit to having a less than perfect kid?
> 
> I had one put us through the wringer,but she has pulled her head out of there and is doing well.


Me to


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## James (Feb 25, 2018)

Have 4, 3 are doing great.  Love and support all of them unconditionally.

Three are doing great, one not so much.  Ashamed, that's pretty strong.  I would say disappointed and saddened with his decisions and behaviors.


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## Smiling Jane (Feb 25, 2018)

I've been to hell and back with my son.


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## IKE (Feb 25, 2018)

I have one son with my first wife and he has done exceptionally well business wise and is a great father and husband......I'm very proud of him and I have told him so more than once.


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## DaveA (Feb 25, 2018)

Ashamed ??  Proud??  We love our kids.  We have 4 and 13 grandkids and a few of them are married with kids of their own.  Our 4 are doing well and the whole bunch of us live within a 2 hour radius.  Much inter-action among us and the kids who have faired better often help their siblings.  Fortunately, none have caused us any grief and none are "out of sorts" with the family in any way.  Get-togethers at the Holidays and other times of the year are common and usually rustle up 30 or a bit less.

For this reason alone, when reading other threads about where to live during retirement,  we would never consider moving away from this area as weather, hot cold , dry , or humid is a small matter compared to walking away from a large and loving family made up of folks (excluding ourselves) from 62 down to 8 months.


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## Robusta (Feb 25, 2018)

DaveA said:


> For this reason alone, when reading other threads about where to live during retirement,  we would never consider moving away from this area as weather, hot cold , dry , or humid is a small matter compared to walking away from a large and loving family made up of folks (excluding ourselves) from 62 down to 8 months.




My family has been hating the same patch of ground in NY since 1823.  Our holiday gatherings run 40 or better most years.  My father turns 90 this summer and my granddaughter is pregnant with his fifth ggg grand son.
The extended family on the hill runs close to 200 souls,some doin well, some not so well, but none that won't get a hand when needed.


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## rkunsaw (Feb 26, 2018)

I don't trust my daughter at all. I don't want to go into details right now but she has stolen money from me and used my name to get a loan  she never made one payment on.
And she got mad when I picked one of my wife's daughters to be executor of my will.


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## Shalimar (Feb 26, 2018)

rkunsaw said:


> I don't trust my daughter at all. I don't want to go into details right now but she has stolen money from me and used my name to get a loan  she never made one payment on.
> And she got mad when I picked one of my wife's daughters to be executor of my will.


How heartbreaking for you, I am so sorry. Sometimes, the ones who hurt us most are family.


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## hollydolly (Feb 26, 2018)

I'm just totally saddened by some of these posts...we bring our children into the world and if we're half way decent parents we give them the best start in life we can, and if we're let down badly by them time and time again.. it's has to be the most heartbreaking thing. I'm lucky, I'm VERY PROUD of my daughter, always have been .. but one of my sisters is an all round bad 'un, and that upsets me very much ( or at least it used to , I just don't see her now), so it's got to be a hundred times worse if it's your own child whose gone off the rails.


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## Aunt Bea (Feb 26, 2018)

This is an interesting thread.  

It always puzzles me how three or four kids can grow up in the same circumstances and be so very different from each other.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Feb 26, 2018)

I'm not ashamed of my kids...I've been disappointed by them, had my heart broken by them, been furious with them, disagreed with their choices, but I'm not ashamed of them. They're my kids, and I love them.

Some of my brothers and sisters have disappointed me, broken my heart, made me furious, made bad choices, too, but they're my brothers and sisters, and I love them.


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## James (Feb 26, 2018)

Aunt Bea said:


> This is an interesting thread.
> 
> It always puzzles me how three or four kids can grow up in the same circumstances and be so very different from each other.


Believe me I search for that answer many times a day.  During my career I saw it all of the time as well.  Good families, bad kids, bad families, good kids.

It boils down I think to Nurture vs Nature.  All of our children were raised the same, same opportunities etc etc etc.  One went off the rails.


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## Olivia (Feb 27, 2018)

James said:


> Believe me I search for that answer many times a day.  During my career I saw it all of the time as well.  Good families, bad kids, bad families, good kids.
> 
> It boils down I think to Nurture vs Nature.  All of our children were raised the same, same opportunities etc etc etc.  One went off the rails.



Yes, there definitely is the genetic factor. But as far as all one's children being raised the same, each child is really raised differently even in the same family. Each child has siblings different from each other's siblings. And then there's the gender difference which may influence the way each child is treated and maybe self perceived as better or worse than another sibling or feels more or less loved by a parent. And then there's school. One may do well and is happy in school, where the other may not do so well and have resentments. And there's outside influences where a child might feel more understood or belonging. There's so many factors. My brother and I are so different personality-wise. In school other kids mostly didn't know he was my brother. Things like that. He was a rascal, and I was the quiet teacher's pet. If all this makes any sense.


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## RadishRose (Feb 27, 2018)

IKE said:


> I have one son with my first wife and he has done exceptionally well business wise and is a great father and husband......I'm very proud of him and I have told him so more than once.



That praise and acceptance from the father is SO important.


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## RadishRose (Feb 27, 2018)

Love has nothing to do with it. You can love your child and still be disappointed or ashamed of some things they have done.. Fortunately this can pass, more often than not.


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## Smiling Jane (Feb 27, 2018)

RadishRose said:


> Love has nothing to do with it. You can love your child and still be disappointed or ashamed of some things they have done.. Fortunately this can pass, more often than not.



Thanks, RR. This isn't a simple issue, and it is not about not loving your child. If you didn't love them, it wouldn't hurt as much.


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## RadishRose (Feb 27, 2018)

Well, that's true, Jane.


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## fmdog44 (Feb 27, 2018)

We know less about the human brain than we know about the universe. I watched the program "Intervention" and only once. If you have seen it you will know why. Some kids are just unreachable. My older brother was the opposite of me and he was always on the wrong track from very early in his life.


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## Gary O' (Feb 27, 2018)

Ashamed? No
Embarrassed? No
Disappointed? No
Disenchanted? Nada
Dis…anything? Can’t really say
Never really gave it a thought
Anxious
Yeah
Anxious
Anxious for them to choose right
Takes a while sometimes
Happy when they share
Good, bad, anything

My daughter says her happiest moments were
That one time we went fishing
Just her and me
I think she was 9 or 10
We both remembered so much about it, so long ago
Laughed
Hugged

Her last time was when we went shopping
Didn’t even buy much
Ate out
Window shopped thru the outlet mall
All afternoon
Laughed at things, people, each other
That was over 10 years ago
Maybe more

I’m anxious for her


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## GrayZoneFitness (Mar 13, 2018)

I feel for you. I am challenged by one of my kids especially, my son, but I try to stay positive. I have a mantra I say when interacting with him. I try to stay "kind, peaceful, positive, loving, and productive." I'm glad your daughter pulled through. For us, the age 17 1/2 to about 20 is the most challenging.


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## treeguy64 (Mar 18, 2018)

I'm very proud of my daughter and step-daughter.  Both have succeeded scholastically, and in the working world.  They are good people, with good families of their own, now.  I'm not that involved with their lives, as I'm a loner, for the most part, but when I see them, it's cool.


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## oldman (Mar 19, 2018)

We have one daughter and one son. No complaints. Both have done well. I attribute at least some of it to attending private school. There seemed to be less distractions, so they paid more attention to their studying.


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## Radrook (Apr 20, 2018)

Not unusual to be ashamed of what our so called kids do. If the behavior brings dishonor to the parents a parent has the right to feel ashamed.


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## ancient mariner (Apr 23, 2018)

Old Mack 83 and I are very proud of AJ and Kat.  
AJ is a bit of a road warrior and enjoys her high perch in the F 250 pu she drives to Tampa and back every day.
She's an engineer with SWFMD.
Kat is a pilot with Southwest Airlines and no homebase.
Granddaughter London is a lawyer in Texas.
Granddaughter Kehlah is studying to be FBI agent at SPC.


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## Lara (Apr 23, 2018)

My daughter who lives near me is the sweetest caring person who has built her career making others feel good about themselves and is the only one in the family that has no dynamics with anyone. Everyone gets along with her. When I compliment her on this she reminds me that it's because, from as early as she can remember growing up, I told her she was the peacemaker in the family and she grew up wanting to live up to that.

Well, darn, why didn't I tell all 4 of my kids that? :shrug: :love_heart:

Birth order? My first born and my last born are sometimes a challenge but were from birth.


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