# The Elderly Without Children



## Tabby Ann (Aug 22, 2022)

I make a distinction here between Senior Citizens and the Elderly because I feel Senior Citizens between 55 and 70 don’t have a good grasp on the accelerated aging changes that occur after 80. I worked full time until I was 70 and had little time or attention for those over 80. Like everyone else, I grew up thinking motivation was important and had its own rewards. But now that my body is weaker and more painful, I find motivation is gone, and I’ve tried to look around for some rewards to stimulate it and found none.

Those with children have the motivation to live as long as possible to be supportive as long as possible. But those without children don’t have the same motivation for continuous improvement of themselves or their property beyond basic maintenance. This loss of motivation affects younger Seniors as well who are without partners and children. One younger Senior living alone said why get motivated?? What is the payoff?? This is a good question. I can’t find a payoff. If you are in the Elderly category,  have you found a payoff to get motivated??


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## Sunny (Aug 22, 2022)

Interesting question. Although someone may not have children, the rest of the human race are their "children," so to speak. We are all part of the human family My immediate descendants are my strongest interest and "motivation," but my world does not consist only of them. How about our friends, relatives (other than children), even neighbors?  How about our planet? I think our interest in the world and what is going to happen to it goes far beyond our children.

I think that the world is in a kind of two steps forward, one step back situation for most things. If we take the long view, we can see that, believe it or not, things do improve over the years and centuries, even though it might be hard to believe from reading the daily headlines. But think about what things were like for everyone back in, say, the 14th century. So I do believe that things tend to improve and I'm curious and hopeful about what comes next.

Fond as I am of my children and grandkids, my interest in the world certainly doesn't begin and end only with them.


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## Tabby Ann (Aug 22, 2022)

Sunny said:


> Fond as I am of my children and grandkids, my interest in the world certainly doesn't begin and end only with them.


When you are over 80 and no longer have any children or grandkids how about letting us know exactly what motivates you? Who knows, you still may be motivated by the entire planet. We'll have to wait and see on that one.


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## Blessed (Aug 22, 2022)

I am not near 80 yet but I have worked my tush off all my life.  I am more than happy to be unmotivated a lot of the time now.  My thing is do what you enjoy, cook, garden, read, knit, crochet. I just do the basics that have to be done to be happy and comfortable.   That is the payoff for me.  I don't think I am really answering your question well.  I feel like you are struggling and don't know what to do to feel better.

You sound like you were very active and as you age it can be hard to accept that we can't do certain things any longer.  

It was a struggle for me at first but once I accepted I had to stop pushing myself to keep up I felt better.


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## MarciKS (Aug 22, 2022)

i am in the 50-70 age range. i have little to no motivation to do anything cuz who's gonna care?


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## Remy (Aug 22, 2022)

I'm in the 55-70 range. No children. No friends. Believe me, this is something I have considered. I'll be alone and I accept that. Keeping independence and taking care of my pets is my motivation. How it will play out, I have no idea.


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## MarciKS (Aug 22, 2022)

i just try to just relax and enjoy myself. what else can ya do?


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## JustBonee (Aug 22, 2022)

MarciKS said:


> i just try to *just relax* *and enjoy myself.* what else can ya do?



Great advice.   
Live each day the best you can  -  can only do what you have control of.

And having pets does give purpose too.


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## horseless carriage (Aug 22, 2022)

At 76 I am still in full time work, by choice. It gets me out of bed, it stimulates me and the salary gives us a comfortable life. As long as I am fit enough I shall continue to work.

My wife was a paramedic in the ambulance service, now retired, she keeps busy, she's always been a busy bee. At present she is trying to finish off a pair of trousers for me to wear to the Twinwood Festival. They are a beautiful royal blue, I love them.

We have no children, therefore no grandchildren. It's not something we even think about.


The trousers are coming along.
This is the third fitting, the right
leg hem, that's left as you see it,
has been measured for height
and the turned up cuff. The position
of the buttons for the braces or
suspenders if you prefer, have also
been marked off. I love the colour.


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## Manatee (Aug 22, 2022)

Our "kids" are 58 and 61 years old.  They are far more affluent than we are.  They live in the farthest corner of the country, so we don't see them that often.  We do enjoy it when they come to visit.  We no longer travel although we used to enjoy it in the past.

Some days the hardest thing that I do is to drag my bones out of bed, but then I am 88 years old.


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## Ruthanne (Aug 22, 2022)

Manatee said:


> Our "kids" are 58 and 61 years old.  They are far more affluent than we are.  They live in the farthest corner of the country, so we don't see them that often.  We do enjoy it when they come to visit.  We no longer travel although we used to enjoy it in the past.
> 
> Some days the hardest thing that I do is to drag my bones out of bed, but then I am 88 years old.


God bless you


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## Warrigal (Aug 22, 2022)

I have come to the realisation that my life has meaning at every age.

My husband recently fell heavily and broke his wrist. He was taken to hospital and spent a day and a half in the ED before being moved to the orthopaedic ward. I wanted him in the geriatric ward where his other issues would be addressed, The wrist is in plaster but at 80 he has a slew of health problems. After a couple of days he was taken to the new ward.

I have been going daily to help him eat; hospital food comes in difficult packaging. He has been becoming increasingly confused and has needed my presence and I need to watch over him.

Unfortunately the nice little old lady in the next bed tested covid positive and was moved out. Her replacement was an angry old man with cancer who just wanted to be left alone to die. He swore like a trooper at the nurses, especially when they wanted to give him an injection or some medication.

Now what has this to do with my understanding of the meaning of life? I felt drawn to this man, alone in the bed and clearly distressed. When Hubby was asleep I went over to offer him the Sunday newspaper if he would like it. He reacted very civilly and told me that he was blind in one eye so I asked if he minded if I stayed a while while Hubby was asleep. We had a good long yarn session and he cheered up and relaxed. Part of his problem seemed to be relating to the hospital staff because they were foreign looking to someone of his vintage. We established a link and he settled down. The next day I met his daughter and we continued our conversations.

I feel that I was the right person for him to relate to, not as a nurse or doctor, but as a friend. I was meant to be there at that particular moment in time.

I have come to the realisation that there is a purpose for each of us in life, no matter how old we become. Having children, grandchildren and extended family is one purpose but I agree with Sunny. We are all different and we each have our own purpose for breathing the air of planet Earth. Find that purpose and life will always have meaning, no matter how old you are.


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## Teacher Terry (Aug 23, 2022)

I totally agree that life has meaning at any age. I am 68 and have my adult kids but no grandchildren. I have friends and my 2 dogs. It sucks losing people but it’s the stage of life we are in. For the past year I have been helping a friend and now he’s in assisted living so much of the burden is gone. I still visit him weekly.


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## Tabby Ann (Aug 23, 2022)

Teacher Terry said:


> I totally agree that life has meaning at any age. I am 68 and have my adult kids but no grandchildren. I have friends and my 2 dogs.


Most 68 year olds with kids, friends and dogs feel life has meaning at any age because they haven’t lived long enough or broad enough to experience otherwise. But this thread is for the elderly without kids whose dogs have passed on and they don’t want to get another one with no one to care for it during a long hospital stay or even death.


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## officerripley (Aug 23, 2022)

Tabby Ann said:


> But this thread is for the elderly without kids whose dogs have passed on and they don’t want to get another one with no one to care for it during a long hospital stay or even death


Yeah, every time I look at my little doggie, I think about this, how she needs to be the last dog we have (   ), but I've started buying soft stuffed dogs (and maybe one elephant) to cuddle with after she's gone. No way it'll be as good as a real dog but still better than nothing.


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## Teacher Terry (Aug 24, 2022)

_A woman in my building just turned 90, is on the condo board, still drives, has a dog sitting business and meets her friends a few nights a week for games. I would say her life has meaning. My plan when older is to rescue the oldest small dog the humane society has and rinse and repeat until I die. _


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## Packerjohn (Aug 24, 2022)

I am motivated to live as long as I can because I see the world becoming more and more crazy.  I want to live longer to see where this goes and how long before the bomb is dropped or another pandemic gets rid of more people or whatever.  I just gotta live longer to see where all those politically correct, uptight urbanites try to force us to walk their line of thinking?


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## Lavinia (Aug 24, 2022)

Life still has meaning and purpose even if you don't have children. I have children but no grandchildren. Even if I did, I wouldn't see them as they would be living in another country. I have plenty to keep me occupied, including my pets.
 Fortunately, I'm still physically fit and right now, I'm planning where to go  on my bike once the weather has cooled and the schools are open again.


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## Tabby Ann (Aug 24, 2022)

Teacher Terry said:


> A woman in my building just turned 90, is on the condo board, still drives, has a dog sitting business and meets her friends a few nights a week for games. I would say her life has meaning.


Sounds like she doesn't need you to say if her life has meaning. Others are always speaking for the elderly instead of listening and learning from them.


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## Tabby Ann (Aug 24, 2022)

Lavinia said:


> Life still has meaning and purpose even if you don't have children. I have children but no grandchildren.


Others are always speaking for the elderly and telling them what has meaning, instead of listening and learning from them.  Seniors will be elderly so soon you would think they would want to listen and learn. Those who have experienced a situation have much more knowledge of it than those who haven't. Yet seniors always want to tell their elders what they should feel, do, and think.


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## Blessed (Aug 24, 2022)

I have a child, one grandchild.  They are only about 30 minutes away.  They lived with me for about 3 1/2 years saving for their own home. It was wonderful.  What we have to remember is they love us but these are their glory years, having their own home, raising their family.  We need to be there to support them with advice not feel the need to be over involved.  We spent all that time raising them to be independent, hardworking, kind and caring people. We need to let them do that.  If we have done our job as parents they can do their jobs as adults. I know if I am sick or need them in anyway they have been happy to help.


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## Teacher Terry (Aug 24, 2022)

Tabby Ann said:


> Sounds like she doesn't need you to say if her life has meaning. Others are always speaking for the elderly instead of listening and learning from them.


You are really cranky!  Ugh!!!


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## Warrigal (Aug 24, 2022)

Tabby Ann said:


> Others are always speaking for the elderly and telling them what has meaning, instead of listening and learning from them.  Seniors will be elderly so soon you would think they would want to listen and learn. Those who have experienced a situation have much more knowledge of it than those who haven't. Yet seniors always want to tell their elders what they should feel, do, and think.


What is the difference between a senior and an elder? I reckon I am both.


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## fuzzybuddy (Aug 25, 2022)

I don't have a spouse or a bunch of kids and grandkids, and I'm 76. As for motivation to keep on living, death kind of does that for me. Death really limits your prospects. Tabby Ann, you sound like you get lot out of working, and you aren't. So, find something to do. Volunteer for something that turns you on, .you're cheap labor- something everybody wants.  Like you love crocodiles, so volunteer at a zoo type thing. Everybody goes through this stage when they retire, it'll pass.


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## Lizzie00 (Aug 25, 2022)

fuzzybuddy said:


> As for motivation to keep on living, death kind of does that for me.


LOL
yeah…me, too


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## Victor (Aug 25, 2022)

You make your own meanings as you age. I am a published writer.
 For some,  God is it, but not me! 
Someone who really enjoys what they do will be happier than those who think and
moan about meaning and the good life. I have done both and deeper thinking is small consolation.
According to a notable study, people have a set-point of happiness which they cannot surpass for long
and then they return to their usual ordinary moods. So happiness is temporary but some  (not me) seem happy all the time. But this is a front, a facade, I think. Inside they are unhappy.


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## Fyrefox (Aug 26, 2022)

As someone childless not by choice, I can well relate to the quest for meaning especially when I see lots of people living vicariously through their children and grandchildren.  Work, too, can give life meaning, and I’ve known men who died soon after retiring simply because they lost their “purpose.”  Life can then have whatever purpose you choose to assign to it, and mine has been intellectual curiosity.  I finally have time to study and explore things that I didn’t have time to do before.  Additionally, I like to see how things turn out, and believing that we are living in rather unparalleled times gives me motivation to see certain outcomes transpire…


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## YodaRules in NC (Aug 26, 2022)

Tabby Ann, I'm 71 so can't write on life after 80 -- can write on life after 70 for me which has me contemplating what it will be like to reach (and pass) 80. Retired decade ago, no spouse or children, live alone in a 55+ apartment community for the past year. There are days I don't go out of my apartment and just putter around on my computer and watching tv. There are days I get up and walk 2 miles just to tell myself I gotta stay active (btw, am overweight by about 60 pounds). Have made friends/acquaintances in the complex but don't get too involved with anyone. Your "what motivates" question made me stop and ponder the question. There is no one in my life that I live for -- other than me. Am fairly active in my church and they are whom I consider family but, what happens when I can no longer drive..... Am motivated to stay somewhat active as I fear getting to dependency when I have no one to depend on (and not enough funds for assisted living complex).

Each day brings more negative ways of life, changes in environment and climate which causes concern . I wonder what it will be like should I live 20 more years -- then again, the generation before us probably felt the same way with the 60's revolution. The environment and climate is what can't be changed after a certain point (my opinion). So again..... the question.....what motivates you? Many times I think just closing my eyes and drifting off never waking up again -- after all, for me life in the next realm is more exciting than this one.


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## officerripley (Aug 26, 2022)

YodaRules in NC said:


> Each day brings more negative ways of life, changes in environment and climate which causes concern . I wonder what it will be like should I live 20 more years -- then again, the generation before us probably felt the same way with the 60's revolution. The environment and climate is what can't be changed after a certain point (my opinion)


This is a big fear of mine; I sooo much don't want to live another 20 years, uh uh.


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## HoneyNut (Aug 26, 2022)

Tabby Ann said:


> This loss of motivation affects younger Seniors as well who are without partners and children. One younger Senior living alone said why get motivated?? What is the payoff?? This is a good question. I can’t find a payoff. If you are in the Elderly category, have you found a payoff to get motivated??


It is a very scary idea of people reaching the 'no-go' years without having family.  Most of my family members I was acquainted with died prior to the no-go 80's, only my Mom lived into the no-go years.  But, thanks to that whole economic mess in the 2008-2010 era, my mom got to share her no-go years with me and my daughter under foot.  

Her activities that I remember from her last years involved having pots of flowers (maybe a few vegetable plants too) on the deck and she was motivated to water them, and she would sit out on the deck and look at nature.  Inside although she no longer could go to things like her class reunion, she would hear from others about who attended.  She also had a microfiche machine and would read old issues of the paper of the town she grew up in, and she wrote a 50-years-ago type article (not exactly 50 years, I'm not sure what her range of the past covered, maybe it was 30 years ago) for the current town paper (the little town she grew up in, not where she was living since she grew up, but her parents stayed there until they died so we'd visit that town regularly while I was growing up, and my mom attended her class reunion every year until she was in her 80s and unable physically).

Also she had a couple dogs, though one got old and she had to have Rosy put to sleep.  So at the end my mom only had one dog, but the dog required regular medicine and treats so I guess that provided some motivation to my mom (and as I found out after she died and I assumed caring for the dog, she was spending $300 a month on medicines and pill-pocket-treats and other treats).  Lily was a very well loved dog!

I only just retired this year and am in the 'go-go' period now, but I really hope I have enough money to eventually settle down in a 55+ community because I went on a tour of one 55+ apartment place and they had a movie theater room with movie days, and they had a card room with several tables that were all totally filled up with old no-go people playing cards.  It looked like a great way to have the privacy and independence of living in an apartment, while still having some physically easy social activities to provide some focus to the days/weeks.


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## officerripley (Aug 26, 2022)

HoneyNut said:


> I really hope I have enough money to eventually settle down in a 55+ community because I went on a tour of one 55+ apartment place and they had a movie theater room with movie days, and they had a card room with several tables that were all totally filled up with old no-go people playing cards. It looked like a great way to have the privacy and independence of living in an apartment, while still having some physically easy social activities to provide some focus to the days/weeks.


That's the problem around here; there are some nice places like that but very expensive; the studio (380-440 sq. ft.) apartments start at $2,300 a month and go up from there.


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