# The 5 Love Languages.



## Ronni (Apr 30, 2020)

It began as an obscure book by Gary Chapman in 1992. "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate" is the title. It is very simply written, easy to read, simplistic examples.   Mr. Chapman says:  My conclusion after thirty years of marriage counseling is that there are basically five emotional love languages—five ways that people speak and understand emotional love. In the field of linguistics a language may have numerous dialects or variations. Similarly, within the five basic emotional love languages, there are many dialects....The important thing is to speak the love language of your spouse.  Typically people tend to have a primary and also a secondary love language.  

_"The five love languages describe the way we feel loved and appreciated. Depending on our individual personality types, we may feel loved differently than how our partners do. Understanding and decoding these different ways of showing love will help take the guesswork out of your partner’s expectations and needs. The idea is: we all express and feel love differently, and understanding those differences can seriously help your relationship. In fact, it’s one of the simplest ways to improve it. The term "Love Languages" was coined by longtime relationship counselor Gary Chapman. His book, The Five Love Languages, is admittedly full of cheesy truisms (“keep your love tank full”), and it sounds like a bad quiz you’d take in a magazine. It’s a pretty fluffy read overall (and some notions are kind of antiquated), but there’s a reason this whole love language thing has taken off: it makes a lot of sense, and it works. "_

The five languages are pretty straightforward, but here’s a brief description of what each of them mean:


*Words of affirmation*: Expressing affection through spoken affection, praise or appreciation.
*Acts of service*: Actions, rather than words, are used to show and receive love.
*Receiving gifts*: Gifting is symbolic of love and affection.
*Quality time*: Expressing affection with undivided, undistracted attention.
*Physical touch*: It can range from having sex to holding hands. With this love language, the speaker feels affection through physical touch.
I am an Acts of Service, and Physical Touch kinda gal.  I mean, I can relate to each of the Languages, but as I've covered extensively elsewhere, I'm a very tactile person and always hug, pat, touch, as one of many ways I express my affection for my loved ones.  And when someone does something for me, something unexpected, kind, that shows their appreciation?  That always blows me away!!!  

It's been fun figuring out what Ron's love language is.   My daughter and her husband are someone what opposite in their love language for each other, which has created some conflict (he wants a LOT of quality time, but she is way more interested in Acts of Service) but because they've both read the book and embraced its concepts, they have a much better understanding of what makes the other person tick and so they're able to work stuff out between them more easily.  

Have you guys ever heard of this book?  Do you know what YOUR Language is?


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## peppermint (Apr 30, 2020)

No....But if that's your thing.....Not mine.....

We are married 55 years this August....Love is Love....Other wise, get a divorce....


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## hellomimi (Jun 1, 2020)

Mine is acts of service. That's how I show my love best. Now, I make sure I know the language(s) of my loved ones so I can communicate with them effectively.


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## Ronni (Jun 2, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> Mine is acts of service. That's how I show my love best. Now, I make sure I know the language(s) of my loved ones so I can communicate with them effectively.


Yup.  I use this simple approach for my kids and other loved ones. Everyone has a love language whether they know they do or not.  I find it interesting that my kids differ widely from each other in their love languages.  I mean, I guess that shouldn't surprise me, they're all individuals, not cookie cutter children!!


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## grahamg (Jun 2, 2020)

I've done a little research:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Five_Love_Languages

"There has been a lack of research to test the validity of Chapman's model and whether it can be generalized. Egbert (2006) suggests that the Five Love Languages might have some degree of psychometric validity despite its abstract nature. "

This study examines the claims of Gary Chapman (1992) in his popular press book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. A confirmatory factor analysis showed that a five-factor fit of these data to Chapman's proposed five love languages was superior to unidimensional, three-factor, and four-factor solutions. Results showed significant relationships between the love language factors and Stafford, Dainton, and Haas' (2000) relational maintenance typology, suggesting that Chapman's love languages may reflect behaviors performed to enact intended relational maintenance."

Here is a test for anyone interested:
https://m2mbatesville.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/lovelanguagetest.pdf

"What do you do if you answered "yes" to every question?"


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## DaveA (Jun 3, 2020)

Sounds a bit too complicated to me, at least in my late life stage.  My wife and I have been together from our teens 'til our mid eighties.  Not sure if our behavior fits into any one of these categories but we'll just plod along without the "Language" study.

However, if the "Language" works for some - - go for it !!


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## Sassycakes (Jun 3, 2020)

*This was how I scored, but I don't know what Love word would describe me. *
*A. _6___ Words of Affirmation     B. _8___ Quality Time  
C. _0___Receiving Gifts  D. _4___ Acts of Service  **E._12 _ Physical Touch*


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## Ronni (Jun 4, 2020)

Sassycakes said:


> *This was how I scored, but I don't know what Love word would describe me. *
> *A. _6___ Words of Affirmation     B. _8___ Quality Time
> C. _0___Receiving Gifts  D. _4___ Acts of Service  **E._12 _ Physical Touch*



@Sassycakes,  according to your scores, it appears that your primary love language is physical touch, and your secondary one is quality time.  

Based on that, I'm guessing you're a tactile person, you want to hug and pat your loved ones, and that what means a lot to you is spending time with them.


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