# Who Were You Closer To As A Child, Your Mother or Your Father?



## SeaBreeze (Jun 19, 2016)

As a child I was closer to my mother, as she was a stay at home housewife and I spent a lot of time with her when I wasn't in school.  I did enjoy the time I got to spend with my Dad, but he worked full time so we weren't as close.

Were you closer to your mother or father as a child?  Or, were you raised by someone other than them who you were close to?


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## Warrigal (Jun 19, 2016)

My dad was on the other side of the continent when I was born. He saw me for the first time when I was 8 months old and not again until I was almost three, when the war ended. 

Mum was the constant in my life. Dad died early when I was only 25 years old but Mum lived to be 91 years old. I wish I had more time to get to know my father. He was a good man.


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## Guitarist (Jun 19, 2016)

I was closer to my mother in one sense in that she was a homemaker while my father worked in an office full-time. But my father and I were more alike.  Every Saturday when we kids were little he would take us to the park so our mother could have a day off from child-care.  When I got older he and i ran errands together on Saturdays, to get the car serviced, to get his hair cut, to shop at the hardware store, and the older I got the more he let me help with the yard work.  

My whole family loved books and music but my father and I were more "into" them, talking more about books and music than my mother and I did -- but she was the one who played the piano, took us to music lessons and the library, and horseback riding lessons, and taught us to swim. What cooking and sewing I can do -- and surprisingly I'm fairly good at both! -- I learned from hours and hours of just being with while she did both, not giving me formal lessons, just being with me in the kitchen. 

So -- after all that -- guess I'll say I was equally close to both of them.


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## ossian (Jun 20, 2016)

I was closer to my mother. My father worked many and long hours and was not around much in my younger years. Even when I got older, he was working long hours. When he was not working, he and my mum would go out at the weekends and it meant I still did not get much time with him. We were, nonetheless, a close family but it was my mum who spent most time with me.


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## fureverywhere (Jun 20, 2016)

Dang, what a great question!!! Especially as we've gotten more uh hem...mature...As a kid and even into my teens my Mum was a force of nature. Me? Eh, meek and shy as a kid. The worst thing she would throw " Oh you embarrassed me". At the dentist I was scared. Her friends I didn't know what to say. But really now I am her age at the time...

My Dad I don't talk to too often...hates dogs and disorder...and older than Gawd...but my Mami? Wish I could bring her back. We would so understand each other now.


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## debbie in seattle (Jun 20, 2016)

My dad.   My mom really wasn't one to be a mother, couldn't be bothered.   She was like that her entire life.   I didn't realize how selfish she was until I had children.


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## Ruthanne (Jun 20, 2016)

As a young child I was very close to my mother.  She stayed at home all day and took care of the 6 kids.  At a certain point she didn't want to do that anymore and things changed a lot.

Here she is with me:


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## Sassycakes (Jun 20, 2016)

I was close to both my parents,but my Mother was very critical of me and things I would do what I would  wear etc.On the other hand my Dad was gentle and caring and never critical. In our old family picture I had my hands on my Dad's shoulders. He was my Heart.


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## Bobw235 (Jun 20, 2016)

I was probably closer to my mother, but have fond memories of stuff I did with my dad in my younger years.  As I got older though, my dad worked longer hours and his relationship with my mom started to come apart.  He was never close with his parents, thus I think he didn't know how to express affection for his children.  We all yearned for a closer relationship with him.  When he finally split from my mom (I was 19 at the time, but had younger siblings), our relationship often seemed strained, almost like he didn't know how to talk to me.  Of course the fact that he had chosen another woman and devastated my mom didn't help.  So on balance I was closer with my mom, wished that my relationship had been better with my dad for much of my later life, but I am in a better place with him today.  He's still not the best father, but I think I understand him more and accept him for who he is.


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## fureverywhere (Jun 20, 2016)

Something that just came to mind. I must have been around 4 or 5. My Mom stayed at home until I started school. She would bake and I would sit on the counter and help. I remember that so clearly. A funny story that illustrates my Mom's personality. She would joke with everyone else about those "woman libbers". She didn't need women's liberation, she was a force of nature all by herself. We were in the city to see a show one day. My Dad hailed a cab, a business guy in a rush tried to steal our cab. If my Dad hadn't blocked her, my Mom would have thrown this gentleman into the street...probably clock him with his own briefcase too.


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## jujube (Jun 20, 2016)

I was a lot more like my father than like my mother, so I'd have to say I was closer to him.


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## Ruth n Jersey (Jun 20, 2016)

How I love those old photos! I was equally close to both my Mom and Dad as well as my Grandma and Grandpa. I guess I considered them my second set of parents. My Grandparents lived right next to our house and I spent just as much time there as in my own home. I loved spending time with all of them. They taught me so much. If I could be just half the person they were I would consider myself  to be a very lucky person.


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## NancyNGA (Jun 20, 2016)

Neither really.  I was _around_ my mother most often, because she was a stay at home mom. My dad worked the evening shift in a factory, and for many years he had a second job installing storm doors during the day. They were always busy doing something---building, remodeling, repairing things.

Maybe I grew up in a different era? The main thing about parents back then was to do what you're told, be seen but not heard, don't bother them too much, and you'd survive just fine. It seemed to be standard according to other kids I hung around with.  And I didn't have any brothers and sisters, either.


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## Butterfly (Jun 26, 2016)

I was much closer to my mother.  My dad worked a lot and traveled for work, and when he was home he was not talkative at all.  He was either "puttering" in the garage or his roses, or sitting in his chair reading the paper.  I always knew he loved us, but he was kind of distant.  My sister and I were talking about him the other day and realized we know almost nothing about him.  Favorite foods?  Colors?  Music?  Literature?  TV programs?  Politics?  All we know is that he was a Republican. We knew he was interested in in his rose gardening, and in photography, but that's about it.  He never talked about his work or the people there, or any small things like what had happened at work; all I know is that he was an engineer and he worked for the government.  He died in 1977 of a sudden heart attack at the age of 63.

I agree with Nancy's assessment above: "Maybe I grew up in a different era? The main thing about parents back  then was to do what you're told, be seen but not heard, don't bother  them too much, and you'd survive just fine. It seemed to be standard  according to other kids I hung around with."


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## StillADreamer (Jan 14, 2017)

Mama.  She was my rock, my teacher, my cheerleader and my friend.  Being her youngest, (and an *oops* un-planned passion inspired oh my number FOUR?) I had a much different relationship with her than my older siblings.  I miss her.  I *talk* to her, still, from the soul.

I lost Dad to cancer when I was 8 and before that he was on the road working a five state territory to make life doable for the five of us back home.
I look just like him, which is sweet and cool.  Wish I had known him.  Everyone says he had a quick laugh and a wonderful, caring, ultra compassionate heart.


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## Carla (Jan 14, 2017)

My Mom, and I still miss her today! When I was really young, she was closer to my older sister but once I became an adult, we became close. When things were looking down, Mom would listen. She had her own share of problems and I tried to be there for her too. She was a complicated person though. Tough on the outside but vulnerable on the inside. She had a tough life, worked hard but ended up with very little.


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## Pappy (Jan 15, 2017)

Definitely mom. She and dad divorced when I was very young. Although we did live my grandparents for the first few years, we did a lot of fun things together, those we could afford. My step dad was a fine man and treated me well over the years. But, mom gets the blue ribbon from me.


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## Ken N Tx (Jan 15, 2017)

I can say I was close to both...
.


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## grahamg (Jan 15, 2017)

Mum for me, especially influential when I was young (and I'm told I'm like her), so similar to the majority of those posting in saying my mother, although I hero worshipped my father over all the years he lived (both are now gone, dad most recently).


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## Stormy (Jan 15, 2017)

I was closer to my mom but like Seabreeze it because my dad wasn't around much he worked long hours and when he was home he was either sleeping or relaxing.  I loved them both and miss them so much


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## Temperance (Jan 15, 2017)

Dad.  I was very much a daddy's girl.


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## Peanut (Jan 25, 2017)

Definitely my Mother, she was my life and my whole existence, when she died my whole world crumbled around me. I still miss her to this day.


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## Wilberforce (Jan 25, 2017)

I have tried very hard to answer this one but cannot. I was extremely close to both my parents and I think I saw them as a team rather than individuals.  Actually they were very like one another really so not an easy choice


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## grahamg (Jan 25, 2017)

*Whuch way does your handwriting slope?*



Jeannine said:


> I have tried very hard to answer this one but cannot. I was extremely close to both my parents and I think I saw them as a team rather than individuals.  Actually they were very like one another really so not an easy choice



I may be able to help you here Jeannine, if you can tell me which way your handwriting slopes?


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## Wilberforce (Jan 26, 2017)

It is upright


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## grahamg (Jan 26, 2017)

*It had to be*



Jeannine said:


> It is upright



Dear Jeannine,
knowing you briefly on this forum your handwriting had to be upright if you'd said you were equally influenced by each of your parents, because that is exactly what a graphologist friend of mine says is the case !

My handwriting leans to the right, so therefore indicating I was more influenced by my mother than my father, which is certainly true in my early/formative years.

I should never have doubted you!


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## Debby (Feb 7, 2017)

Some of you folks were very lucky to have parents you were close to!  Very lucky.  My alcoholic dad left when I was nine or ten and my mom is a controlling and critical person, so I would say 'neither' although my mom did do her duty by us when we were little.  But I also left home right after my 16th birthday.


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## Wilberforce (Feb 7, 2017)

I am so sorry to hear that Debby,it is hard to understand why folks do what they do, especially your Mum, she probably had her own demons to have to live with or get over , maybe she just did the best she could, 

I have always considered myself lucky I have to admit and it is very hard to even try to get into the skin of another which is the only way to understand , but I am sorry and I wish I could change that for you. 


XX Jeannine
I could adopt you, not meant to be sarcastic, meant very lovingly.


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## grahamg (Feb 7, 2017)

*Can you adopt me too?*



Jeannine said:


> I am so sorry to hear that Debby,it is hard to understand why folks do what they do, especially your Mum, she probably had her own demons to have to live with or get over , maybe she just did the best she could,
> 
> I have always considered myself lucky I have to admit and it is very hard to even try to get into the skin of another which is the only way to understand , but I am sorry and I wish I could change that for you.
> 
> ...



I could do with being adopted too - - but I guess I dont qualify as my parents were incredibly good to us seven children and I grew up with a great feeling of security.

I am though protesting about the way three of my sisters treated my father at the end of his life - keeping him in a room with curtains closed all day long to prevent him beckoning me in when I went down to the house next door to where I'm sitting now, so thirty yards away. A friend of mine tries to tell me, now my father has died, that I should focus on myself or my eviction from the farm, or whatever it is she thinks should be my highest priority, whilst I continue to think I can include trying to protest our local UK police's indifference to my father being denied views and light can be fitted into my currently crowded life. She cant say though, how she would feel if her own parents had been treated badly by her own siblings. 

Sorry for that off topic aside but it just arose tonight.


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## Wilberforce (Feb 7, 2017)

That is also very sad and I can sense you are hurting , you are also angry which is understandable and there is grief too. 

I wish I had some magic words for you but I don't, however I do care about people and it saddens me to hear a story like this even from someone I don't know.

I cannot even imagine how I would feel if this had happened to my Dad and I hope you can come to terms with what you feel you need to do .  I do know you should be the person to choose what your highest priority is.

I wish you all the best I can in dealing with this burden . 

Sincerely

XX Jeannine


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## applepie_luvr (Feb 8, 2017)

"I want my Mummy!" 

Not a day goes by I don't think about my parents. Long gone but never forgotten.


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## Debby (Feb 9, 2017)

Jeannine said:


> I am so sorry to hear that Debby,it is hard to understand why folks do what they do, especially your Mum, she probably had her own demons to have to live with or get over , maybe she just did the best she could,
> 
> I have always considered myself lucky I have to admit and it is very hard to even try to get into the skin of another which is the only way to understand , but I am sorry and I wish I could change that for you.
> 
> ...





She did do the best she could Jeannine and I will never fault her for anything because it was hard being a single mom with a grade 8 education and she just has that kind of personality.  As an adult, I've learned to recognize that we are all wired differently, but as a kid it wasn't something that I understood at all.  

Even with my dad who left us, I was really scared and lost feeling when he disappeared, then I became very angry at him, but finally I began to understand that he just shouldn't have been a dad in the first place.  Just not suited to it and so I began to get over the anger.  Since I think we see family again when we die, I'm actually looking forward to a 'sit-down' with him to tell him that.

But thank you for your kindness and I'd be happy to be adopted by someone as nice as you!  You had a 'beautiful flavour' the this Seniors 'stew pot'!


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## Debby (Feb 9, 2017)

grahamg said:


> I could do with being adopted too - - but I guess I dont qualify as my parents were incredibly good to us seven children and I grew up with a great feeling of security.
> 
> I am though protesting about the way three of my sisters treated my father at the end of his life - keeping him in a room with curtains closed all day long to prevent him beckoning me in when I went down to the house next door to where I'm sitting now, so thirty yards away. A friend of mine tries to tell me, now my father has died, that I should focus on myself or my eviction from the farm, or whatever it is she thinks should be my highest priority, whilst I continue to think I can include trying to protest our local UK police's indifference to my father being denied views and light can be fitted into my currently crowded life. She cant say though, how she would feel if her own parents had been treated badly by her own siblings.
> 
> Sorry for that off topic aside but it just arose tonight.




That's so sad that your dad's life was like that in his last days!  Every aging adults nightmare!

Should you 'protest' it, sure, because that's how changes happens, but at the same time, don't forget to take care of yourself and your needs.


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## Wilberforce (Feb 9, 2017)

Debby that is the nicest thing anyone has said about me for a long time and I shall treasure it, thank you.

I  believe when you reunite with your parents you won't take your questions or baggage with you but it ia wonderful to hear that you have the comfort that you will see them again.

Thank you again

 Jeannine


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## OneEyedDiva (Feb 27, 2017)

Definitely my mother. My father was a very quiet man who didn't do much talking in the house.


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## C'est Moi (Jan 9, 2018)

Another "daddy's girl" here.


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## DaveA (Jan 10, 2018)

Probably my mom. She was a stay-at-home mom(which was common in her day) while my dad worked away form home for periods, only returning on week-ends.  They were both incredible parents and I couldn't have been more fortunate to have them.  I was an only child.  My folks were married for 13 years before I came along and it was almost the end for my mother.  She was hospitalized for an extended period to recover.  This was in the early 30's when medical science was a bit more limited than today.

Sadly, they both passed away in their early sixties, within 5 months of each other but they did get to see our 4 kids before they passed, although these grandkids were only between 9 and 3 years in age.  The two older kids remember them but the younger 2 only remember them from photos.


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## Gary O' (Jan 10, 2018)

Never was ‘close’
To anybody

But

If anybody, maybe Dad


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## James (Feb 20, 2018)

When I was young, my mother and grandmother. If my mom was working, my granny was looking after me, as my dad worked crazy shifts and was out of town a lot.  As I became a young man, my dad.


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## Robusta (Feb 21, 2018)

Complicated question. I am the third of six children.  My father was a man with a temper. He would literally beat the tar out of us kids. I mean beat with sticks fists boots whatever was handy. Conversely he was a great father, he would take me to work with him,taught me to hunt, went camping,fishing and family vacations . When I was 12 I alone was selected to climb Mt. Marcy in the Adirondacks with him.
He still lives and we see each other at least weekly,out of the six I was selected to be his executer when the time comes. 

I never felt a drop of love from my mother. All the others had something special about them .  My oldest brother was her favorite,nothing was to good for him.  His birthday and mine are 3 days apart.  I can remember one birthday, we all gathered to celebrate.  The cake read "Happy Birthday Dan" in beautiful bakery script, underneath in hurriedly scripted tube decoration was scribbled "and Ken" 

I asked my father once about it and he said that she figured I was independent and didn't need the support the others got.

When my mother passed I don't think I felt any emotion at all.


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## hollydolly (Feb 21, 2018)

My mother passed 45 years ago..when I was just a teen ... I cry still for her occasionally and think of her most days...



 Conversely I hope   the evil sperm donor who passed himself off as my father rots in hell ... The only thing I felt when he died was sheer overwhelming relief he was no longer in the world to harm another person... It was literally like the world had been cleansed...at least MY world!!


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## Lara (Feb 21, 2018)

We were a Brady Bunch family when I was young and growing up so I was close to both my mother and father equally. When I was older my father cheated on my mother, then divorced and remarried after 30 years to a mean manipulative woman with 3 grown children. They were both cheaters. She destroyed him and divided him from me and my siblings as well. She destroyed his business and put the final nail in his coffin. He was a smart strong man but was weak with women much to his demise. Don't cheat on your spouses. It's destructive beyond imagination.


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## Gary O' (Feb 21, 2018)

hollydolly said:


> My mother passed 45 years ago..when I was just a teen ... I cry still for her occasionally and think of her most days...
> 
> 
> 
> Conversely I hope my  the evil sperm donor who passed himself off as my father rots in hell ... The only thing I felt when he died was sheer overwhelming relief he was no longer in the world to harm another person... It was literally like the world had been cleansed...at least MY world!!




Soooooo, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm picking up subtle hints that you were closer to yer mom...


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## twinkles (Feb 21, 2018)

i stayed with my mom all the time she raised 4 kids  but there was no affection--her and my dad separated when i was 9--he died when he was 42  my mom passed at 101


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## hollydolly (Feb 21, 2018)

Gary O' said:


> Soooooo, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm picking up subtle hints that you were closer to yer mom...



errrrm... you got me Gary... how did you do that ? LOL


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## Gary O' (Feb 21, 2018)

hollydolly said:


> errrrm... you got me Gary... how did you do that ? LOL


finely honed forensic practices


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## 911 (Feb 21, 2018)

My Dad. No doubt about it. We were best friends. I almost drowned in the neighbor's pool a few days after I graduated. A kid lived in the house where the pool was located and he graduated the same time as me, so his parents had a party for their son and all of his friends and neighbors. My Dad was there and I got caught up in a rope that went across the pool that marked the deep end. We took it down to play volleyball. After the game was over, I went down to the bottom to retrieve the rope and it got caught around my leg and I couldn't untangle it. Thankfully, my Dad was paying attention and jumped in and got me untangled from it. My air was running low at the time and I was beginning to panic.


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## Lara (Feb 21, 2018)

That's incredible, 911...phew! What a story. Do you think that event led you to choose a career that was dedicated to protecting and saving lives?


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## hollydolly (Feb 21, 2018)

Gary O' said:


> finely honed forensic practices




Ha!! I always knew you were too good for this place ...


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