# Thinking of Moving



## oldman (Oct 12, 2020)

We own a beautiful home in Florida. We tried to sell it, well, not really, I priced it much higher than it’s true value in hopes of not selling it. It has five bedrooms and six and a half baths. I want to move there and sell this house we built just before retirement. My wife wants to stay here in PA. I don’t like the idea of maintaining two homes, but that may be the only way we will compromise.

Every time I bring up the issue, my wife changes the subject. I guess you could say that we are at a standstill.


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## Gaer (Oct 12, 2020)

hm-m-m!  Do you own the  houses, or do the houses own you?


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## oldman (Oct 12, 2020)

Gaer said:


> hm-m-m!  Do you own the  houses, or do the houses own you?


We own both homes free and clear. I have to pay an HOA fee in Florida, plus someone to take care of the pool and shrubbery/flowers. I also pay electric and water/sewer just to keep the place ready available in case someone in the family wants to use it. So, overall, it’s a waste of money, but if I live there all 12 months and my wife comes down in the winters, I would continue with it. In summer, I would probably come back up here.


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## Keesha (Oct 12, 2020)

6 & 1/2  bathrooms? I can see why she wants to stay there.  What about writing a pro’s and con’s list. Make copies of it and an appointment with her to discuss it. It’s not really fair of her to disregard your wants and desires. There‘s two of you and you both need to be happy and content in retirement.


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## RadishRose (Oct 12, 2020)

Is it just the two of you?

5 beds and 6 and a half baths? LOL, you could go on vacations and never leave the house!

Personally, I would stay in Pennsy, but good luck whatever you decide.


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## Jules (Oct 12, 2020)

Do you have family in PA?  Or lots of close friends?  Is that why your wife doesn’t want to move?

Maybe you could try staying in Florida longer on your own to see if you would actually like it year round.


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## oldman (Oct 12, 2020)

It is just the two of us now. The biggest reason for my wife not excited about a move are the grandchildren. Even though they range in ages 14-23, she is involved in their life to a certain degree. My son and I are close, but he told me to do whatever makes me happy.

I try to explain to my wife that we are only a two hour plane ride away and that she could come up anytime she wishes. Both of our children have an extra bedroom, if she would chose to visit. The other issue is that my wife is my daughter’s best friend. It is a mother-daughter relationship, but they do spend a lot of time on the phone with one another and they also shop together at least twice a month.

I bought the home during the recession in 2010 through a short sale with the bank. The idea was to buy it, hold onto it and then sell it when the market came back, but I enjoyed it so much, I found myself being unwilling to let it go. We have our personal items and clothes already down there, so when we travel, we just fly down, rent a car and go about doing whatever.


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## Kaila (Oct 12, 2020)

Keeping both, for the present, sounds to me, like the only way to keep both of you happy.

And for you to keep your wife.


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## Gaer (Oct 12, 2020)

Oh, Disposable income is such a headache, isn't it?
(kidding!)
Seriously though, Don't you both have free flights for the rest of your life?  I don't see you have a problem!  I think you're a lucky stiff!
She and you can go back and forth as you desire!  Have fun with it!  If you miss each other, you're a short plane ride away!


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## Aneeda72 (Oct 12, 2020)

oldman said:


> It is just the two of us now. The biggest reason for my wife not excited about a move are the grandchildren. Even though they range in ages 14-23, she is involved in their life to a certain degree. My son and I are close, but he told me to do whatever makes me happy.
> 
> I try to explain to my wife that we are only a two hour plane ride away and that she could come up anytime she wishes. Both of our children have an extra bedroom, if she would chose to visit. The other issue is that my wife is my daughter’s best friend. It is a mother-daughter relationship, but they do spend a lot of time on the phone with one another and they also shop together at least twice a month.
> 
> I bought the home during the recession in 2010 through a short sale with the bank. The idea was to buy it, hold onto it and then sell it when the market came back, but I enjoyed it so much, I found myself being unwilling to let it go. We have our personal items and clothes already down there, so when we travel, we just fly down, rent a car and go about doing whatever.


If I owned a house in Florida, even a run down old house with an outhouse for a bathroom,  My children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren would not ever visit me because they would live with me.


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## Aneeda72 (Oct 12, 2020)

Gaer said:


> Oh, Disposable income is such a headache, isn't it?
> (kidding!)
> Seriously though, Don't you both have free flights for the rest of your life?  I don't see you have a problem!  I think you're a lucky stiff!
> She and you can go back and forth as you desire!  Have fun with it!  If you miss each other, you're a short plane ride away!


All my income is disposable income, because I always dispose it.


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## FastTrax (Oct 12, 2020)

oldman said:


> We own a beautiful home in Florida. We tried to sell it, well, not really, I priced it much higher than it’s true value in hopes of not selling it. It has five bedrooms and six and a half baths. I want to move there and sell this house we built just before retirement. My wife wants to stay here in PA. I don’t like the idea of maintaining two homes, but that may be the only way we will compromise.
> 
> Every time I bring up the issue, my wife changes the subject. I guess you could say that we are at a standstill.



Two rules of marriage I learned the hard way. Rule number one is if mama ain't happy then nobody's gonna be happy. Rule number two is read rule number one.


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## Gaer (Oct 13, 2020)

That's funny!   But she won't be able to stay away from you for very long!  She will cave!


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## Keesha (Oct 13, 2020)

FastTrax said:


> Two rules of marriage I learned the hard way. Rule number one is if mama ain't happy then nobody's gonna be happy. Rule number two is read rule number one.


Smart man.


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## Aneeda72 (Oct 13, 2020)

Gaer said:


> That's funny!   But she won't be able to stay away from you for very long!  She will cave!


I wouldn’t cave


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## FastTrax (Oct 13, 2020)

Gaer said:


> That's funny!   But she won't be able to stay away from you for very long!  She will cave!


Oh Gaer that made me all warm and fuzzy but my two ex's caved in alright, they caved in my bank account. When them  and their two lawyers were finished with me my bank account looked just like a big cave, all hollow with nothing in it but air.


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## FastTrax (Oct 13, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> I wouldn’t cave


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## Aneeda72 (Oct 13, 2020)

FastTrax said:


> Oh Gaer that made me all warm and fuzzy but my two ex's caved in alright, they caved in my bank account. When them  and their two lawyers were finished with me my bank account looked just like a big cave, all hollow with nothing in it but air.


Yup, it happens and sometimes it’s the woman’s bank account that gets caved


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## jujube (Oct 13, 2020)

Keesha said:


> 6 & 1/2  bathrooms? I can see why she wants to stay there.  What about writing a pro’s and con’s list. Make copies of it and an appointment with her to discuss it. It’s not really fair of her to disregard your wants and desires. There‘s two of you and you both need to be happy and content in retirement.



6 & 1/2 bathrooms to clean would be one of my reasons for leaving.......


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## Keesha (Oct 13, 2020)

jujube said:


> 6 & 1/2 bathrooms to clean would be one of my reasons for leaving.......


Precisely what I meant. 
I have a problem with cleaning even one.


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## RadishRose (Oct 13, 2020)

Why would *she* have to be responsible for cleaning the bathrooms?


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## ClassicRockr (Oct 13, 2020)

We lived in northeastern Florida, aka Jacksonville, for 10 1/2 years and were so, so glad to move back to Colorado. There are those that absolutely love Florida, no matter the weather, and those that don't and leave. It definitely took us to long to find out we didn't like it there. 

In our marriage, we definitely would NOT live separately in different areas. Although, we knew a couple who did. They had (have) a house by Daytona Beach, Florida and a house in Lavonia, Michigan. Since he worked full-time in Michigan, he couldn't be a "snowbird" like she could. While he stayed in Michigan for work, she'd be in Florida (sometimes) during winter months. 

Being a "snowbird" can be expensive, no doubt about that.


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## gennie (Oct 13, 2020)

I had a neighbor in the Keys who lived there year-round  because of severe arthritis and he could swim daily in warm salt water at his back door.  Wife lived in Michigan near children and visited often.  Had been doing it for years and it seemed to work for them.


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## Aneeda72 (Oct 13, 2020)

Living separately would work for me.


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## Knight (Oct 13, 2020)

We lived in Pa. Had a 5 bedroom home on 8 acres of land in the countryside. Our retirement plan included moving to where we would have a rancher, be warm year round & low humidity [reduce chance of arithric pains].

Were close to health care, dental,vision & 4 major food markets. We have a spare bedroom when our sons & their spouses show up for a visit. Instead of maintaining a home that exceeded our needs in retirement we opted for our independence & freedom to get out to enjoy life. 

We calculated what staying in Pa. would take away from our retirement income that could be used for utilities, & taxes  [no mortgage] That we used to travel everywhere we ever wanted to go & now is used for fun money.

I guess I'm lucky that my wife didn't want to be stuck indoors looking out at snow & cold for part of our remaining years. 

For 25 years now our plan has worked out as we hoped for.


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## OneEyedDiva (Oct 13, 2020)

Have you ever rented the Florida house? My BFF's parents died and left a condo in Florida. There are no short term rentals. I think the minimum time is a month. I guess some stay the entire winter. You could probably get a pretty penny. It's rough when one spouse wants to move but the other wants to stay put.


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## Gaer (Oct 13, 2020)

"OldMan"is not just an average guy.  Tall, handsome,cultured, distinguished.  There is NO WAY his wife can stay away from him!  
Oldman?  Do what you want and I'm sure she will follow!


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## Jules (Oct 13, 2020)

Do a trial year of your moving between both homes.  If you can afford it, give it a try.  It might even be the perfect compromise. Life is short.


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## oldman (Oct 14, 2020)

Gaer said:


> "OldMan"is not just an average guy.  Tall, handsome,cultured, distinguished.  There is NO WAY his wife can stay away from him!
> Oldman?  Do what you want and I'm sure she will follow!


Sometimes I think my wife takes me for granted, but then again, I think all married couples feel that way from time to time. My wife worries that I won’t eat properly if I am by myself in Florida. I was thinking about buying a boat and spending a lot of time just cruising the bay in the sun and breezes from the Gulf. Do some fishing and swimming and just let the boat drift. 

At one time, we belonged to a naturist community down there. There were lots of activities and for the four years we belonged, it was great. My friends would tease me from time to time about not having a tan line, but when companies started buckling down on harassment and the like with other fellow employees, it all stopped. It never bothered me and in fact, I probably got another maybe ten people to join. One Captain and his wife liked it so much, they bought a casita to stay in on the weekends he didn’t work. I liked those days. New Years Eve was really a blast. I even thought about going back and buying a part time membership and spending a few afternoons over there.


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## oldman (Oct 14, 2020)

RadishRose said:


> Why would *she* have to be responsible for cleaning the bathrooms?


When we are down there, we have a mother/daughter clean the house. They run their own business and they do a great job.


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## officerripley (Oct 14, 2020)

Gaer said:


> hm-m-m!  Do you own the  houses, or do the houses own you?


I know our house owns my husband, that's for sure.


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## oldman (Oct 14, 2020)

officerripley said:


> I know our house owns my husband, that's for sure.


Excuse my stupidity, but what does that mean? I am a little dense with this kind of stuff, so can you put this in layman’s terms?


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## officerripley (Oct 14, 2020)

What it means for my situation is that, even though my husb. and I are old enough now that we should downsize to something at least a little, teeny, tiny bit smaller, he absolutely refuses to. I understand why since not only is this house the nicest place he's ever lived, it's the _only _nice place he's ever lived. But the fact remains that we're getting closer & closer to not being able to drive anymore and with no kids & living so far out from town, it's gonna be a real problem soon. But he still refuses to move because he loves this house so much, so to me it's like the house owns him.


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## Gaer (Oct 14, 2020)

I would say, sometimes owning and maintaining a big house, the newest car, the sharpest toys, takes on a little more importance than maybe it should.  Maybe the more important consideration is the happiness of the souls inside the home, rather than the THINGS.  Things, even homes, are only manifestations of energy.  They really mean nothing when you look at it from a different, eternal perspective. Feelings,love,happiness are far more important.  IMO.


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## officerripley (Oct 14, 2020)

Gaer said:


> I would say, sometimes owning and maintaining a big house, the newest car, the sharpest toys, takes on a little more importance than maybe it should.  Maybe the more important consideration is the happiness of the souls inside the home, rather than the THINGS.  Things, even homes, are only manifestations of energy.  They really mean nothing when you look at it from a different, eternal perspective. Feelings,love,happiness are far more important.  IMO.


Very well put, Gaer. The problem though is that sometimes the only way some people can seem to be happy is with that particular house or car or whatever, sigh. (And sometimes you know that if those people are forced into giving up whatever it is, they'd be miserable, so it just doesn't feel worth it.)


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## Della (Oct 15, 2020)

I, too, have a beautiful home in Florida with five bedrooms and a pool.  I live there with my friends Dorothy, Rose, Blanche and Sophia ... Oh wait.  That's just my fantasy.


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## oldman (Oct 16, 2020)

Della said:


> I, too, have a beautiful home in Florida with five bedrooms and a pool.  I live there with my friends Dorothy, Rose, Blanche and Sophia ... Oh wait.  That's just my fantasy.


Let me think for a moment. Oh yeah, Blanche could move in with me, if my wife isn't down there at the same time. She seemed like a fun girl.


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## oldman (Oct 16, 2020)

officerripley said:


> Very well put, Gaer. The problem though is that sometimes the only way some people can seem to be happy is with that particular house or car or whatever, sigh. (And sometimes you know that if those people are forced into giving up whatever it is, they'd be miserable, so it just doesn't feel worth it.)


I appreciate and really like nice cars, but I never found a need to have the biggest or fanciest. The craze now is to buy a Tesla. I took one for a test drive because my wife was considering buying one. I didn't like the way it handled, so I drove a different model and didn't like that one either. She's still looking, but the Acura is her choice so far. 

My next door neighbor owns two Porsches. He bought a rack and stores them on top of one another. The one Porsche is a road machine. No radio, heater, air conditioning, no nothing. It's red. The other one is loaded and is what I call Baby-crap yellow/green. One of the ugliest colors that I have ever seen. I'll take a picture of it when I see it outside and post it.


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## Manatee (Nov 14, 2020)

Sell both, buy a condo on the beach.


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## bowmore (Nov 14, 2020)

As we get older, we want to simplify our lives. The only reason for still having a house that big would be to rent it out as an AirBnB.
We have a 1400 sq ft home with 2 BR and 2 baths. It is a perfect size for us. We downsized from 2 1800 sq ft homes to this one.


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## Lewkat (Nov 14, 2020)

oldman said:


> I appreciate and really like nice cars, but I never found a need to have the biggest or fanciest. The craze now is to buy a Tesla. I took one for a test drive because my wife was considering buying one. I didn't like the way it handled, so I drove a different model and didn't like that one either. She's still looking, but the Acura is her choice so far.
> 
> My next door neighbor owns two Porsches. He bought a rack and stores them on top of one another. The one Porsche is a road machine. No radio, heater, air conditioning, no nothing. It's red. The other one is loaded and is what I call Baby-crap yellow/green. One of the ugliest colors that I have ever seen. I'll take a picture of it when I see it outside and post it.


An Acura compared to a Tesla is like comparing a Yugo to a Lincoln.  Look more to an Audi or if you want a hybrid go for the Prius.  I've a friend who has one and it's a gem of a car.


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