# My Much Loved Ranger Died and they all ask Are You Going To Get Another One



## Lee (Jan 28, 2021)

Not writing this post for sympathy, I am all cried out. He lived almost 19 years and had the best of the best, it was his time on Monday.

What bothers me is that while I know they mean well the word spreads in my little corner of the world and they all want to know "are you going to get another one"

I answered this question with a definite "no" as I feel I have done my part, all 6 cats and one dog were all rescues. All well taken care of, and most living to a ripe old age with the help of a wonderful vet.

Problem.....the hubby.....he asked that same question? That same day I made the last trip to the vet and he waited for the deed to be done. 

Help me make a decision please. I know he wants another cat, actually suggested 2 so they were company for each other. It's been 4 days and I admit that something is missing but I really do not feel that taking on more stress is the answer.

Stress....hubby is going to be 83, in poor health and I am 68 so guess who is going to have to do everything once again. I have no one, no family to depend on if something happens and I dread the fact that a kitten could outlive us and be left alone. He will not consider an older cat.

As awful as this might sound, a few weeks ago, there was a health crisis with hubby. The cat was sick and I knew the end was coming. I remarked to a friend who now thinks I am a terrible person "I wonder who is going to "go" next, hubby or the cat" She has now taken the time to remind me of this remark. I guess this would have been a better time to think first talk later. 

Also thinking that an apartment might be the next step. Some do not allow pets, especially cats.

Advice needed, cannot say I will follow it but I do need to hear all pros and cons.


----------



## Jeni (Jan 28, 2021)

Sorry for you loss......
A friend i have was recently in the same situation..... a dear pet gone and everyone asking if she will replace......
She made a firm decision of NO ... 
I did not understand at first but she told me at her age she did not want to worry about whom may need to care for it if something was to happen with her health etc.    
I thought that was a practical way of looking at it ..... perhaps if there may be a move in future and having to find someone to take a pet for her or if heirs are not in position to keep and love a beloved pet.....


----------



## Ceege (Jan 28, 2021)

Never say never.  A year ago, Miss Kitty passed away at the age of 19 1/2.  I said that she was my last pet.  I got rid of all my pet supplies.  But then, my husband of almost 50 years died in April, and mine was the only heartbeat in my house.  In August, I got a little black kitten I named Misty.  I needed someone to greet in the morning or when I came home.  And, I felt a little safer.  She might alert me to a sound I didn't hear.  And, it's really nice to have a little furry friend who takes a nap in my lap and gets plenty of pets.
So, wait a few months and see if your feelings change.


----------



## Pepper (Jan 28, 2021)

Assuming Ranger was a cat?  I'm very sorry for your loss.  My advice to you is you need to grieve the loss.  Tell your husband that.  You can't handle a major decision right now.  It does sound like your older husband would benefit having another cat, or two.  So might you.  But............it is too soon for you.  You need time to miss Ranger for the unique pet he was.  Just because he had fur doesn't mean he can be replaced by any new pet.  That's not respectful.  So sorry Lee.  Take care.


----------



## Happyflowerlady (Jan 28, 2021)

I am sorry for your heartbreak of losing Ranger, @Lee , and I know what you are going through with people asking if you are going to replace him. 
A few years ago, my beloved Chipper had become so old and infirm that I had to have him put to sleep, and I was totally heartbroken. I had had him since he was tiny, had his mother as well.  He was like family to me, and I could not imagine getting another little dog. 
I didn’t want another dog, I just missed my beloved Chipper. 
It took me about a year to get to the place where I realized that I not only missed Chipper, I also missed just having a little dog to lay on my lap, sleep on the bed, and get petted a lot. 

I didn’t want a puppy, but I found a Poodle that was up for adoption and got him, and I am so glad that I did. It is comforting to me, in his own way, to have Poodle snuggled up on my feet at night, or in my lap during the day.
I think that this is a decision that you should make when you are ready to make it, and when you are ready for another cat or dog, you will know it in your heart. 
Hugs and prayers for the loss of your Ranger.


----------



## Pinky (Jan 28, 2021)

I know how much you are hurting. Take time to mourn. You will know, in time, if you want another pet or not.

((Hugs))


----------



## Ruth n Jersey (Jan 28, 2021)

I'm so sorry for your loss and feel it is very insensitive  of people to ask or suggest you get another pet when you haven't even had time to greave the one you lost. I love animals but I know how hard it is to tend to their needs when we get older. I also have a selfish reason, I don't want to go through another death of a beloved pet. I've done it many times. 
I have kids who have said they will not take the pet if something should happen to me or the hubby. That was a big deciding factor about whether we should get another one.
My decision has been made but had we wanted one I'd certainly go for a cat or very small dog that could be trained to a litter box or paper. My hubby is unsteady on his feet and I have leg issues.


----------



## Tish (Jan 28, 2021)

I am so sorry for your loss (((Hugs))) give yourself some time, there is no rush.


----------



## hollydolly (Jan 28, 2021)

awww so sorry for your loss my dear friend Lee ... (((hugs)))


----------



## SeaBreeze (Jan 28, 2021)

Lee said:


> Problem.....the hubby.....he asked that same question? That same day I made the last trip to the vet and he waited for the deed to be done.
> 
> Help me make a decision please. I know he wants another cat, actually suggested 2 so they were company for each other. It's been 4 days and I admit that something is missing but I really do not feel that taking on more stress is the answer.
> 
> ...


I'm so sorry to hear you lost your dear Ranger, my friend.  My heart goes out to you, it's very sad to lose one of our beloved companions and family members.  I never was able to have children, and my pets have always been my babies, and I always put their needs first before mine.  I think you are the same.

Although, up to this point in my life, I'm the same age as you are, I've chosen to get another pet, whether dog or cat, when I lost one of my furkids, I am completely against people pressuring those who are mourning, to replace their deceased pet quickly.  You're very wise to consider the reality of having to care for another pet, with a husband who has his own health issues and may not be very active in the care, maintenance and trips to the vet in the future for said pet.

Your 'friend' does not sound like much of a friend to me.  Please don't ever apologize or feel bad about what you said.  I would have said the same if my husband was having a serious health issue and one of my pets was facing their last days with me.  There is nothing awful about what you said, and your husband's comments need to be set aside at this moment, you were the one to go to the vet for your last goodbye, and he is lightly thinking of the moment, as opposed to the future, especially your involvement with any more pets coming into your home.  You need to follow your heart _and _head in any future decisions.

I wish you the best and send my love.  Please feel free to private message (conversation) me if you ever need to talk.  Hugs. 

Your husband is thirteen years older than mine, and it's very realistic to think ahead and consider that you may have to move into an apartment in your future.  Those who don't care to plan, have to move into an apartment after their spouse passes on, then dumps their pets into a shelter, really disgusts me.

Take care of yourself Lee.


----------



## Ruthanne (Jan 28, 2021)

I'm sorry for the loss of your dear Ranger.  I think I may know how you feel as I went through it recently too with the loss of one of my dear pets.  There are a lot of things to consider when getting another one as you  know and described.  It's a tough one especially when your loss is so new.  You will know what is best for you in time.  Give yourself some time to grieve.  Take care.


----------



## MrPants (Jan 28, 2021)

I would echo many of the comments above Lee. So sorry for your loss and the difficult time you're going through right now. I remember one of my own cats Whiskers, who was a fav. of mine died on the couch beside me one night many years ago. I was really upset by his passing and it took some time to heal completely. I would suggest you and hubby do the same. Take some time to grieve and get to the place mentally where you can just remember the good times you had with Ranger. You will be in a better place to make the right decision for you and your husband then. You do have some unique circumstances to consider; that's for sure. I wish you well Lee


----------



## asp3 (Jan 28, 2021)

I'm sorry for your loss.

One thing you might consider is seeing if there is an organization in your area that takes animals who lose their human family.  If you have enough to set aside to make sure your next animal will have enough to be taken care of if you pass before they do that might be something to consider.


----------



## officerripley (Jan 28, 2021)

So Sorry for your loss, Lee. I'm kind of in the same boat you're in; when this dog we've got now is gone, I don't think we should get another--I wish I could always have a dog so it breaks my heart to think about living without a dog--but since Huzz and I aren't getting younger and have no kids so no one who could take the dog for us when we no longer can have one. Again, my heart goes out to you, hugs.


----------



## Murrmurr (Jan 28, 2021)

Sounds like it's not a good time to decide.


----------



## Lee (Jan 29, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> Sounds like it's not a good time to decide.


yes Murrmurr, absolutely right, this is one time I will not go my usual way about things and just jump in, time to consider all first.

Thanks to all of you for the kind words and thoughts, I so appreciate it


----------



## Liberty (Jan 29, 2021)

Lee said:


> Not writing this post for sympathy, I am all cried out. He lived almost 19 years and had the best of the best, it was his time on Monday.
> 
> What bothers me is that while I know they mean well the word spreads in my little corner of the world and they all want to know "are you going to get another one"
> 
> ...


Suggest you might want to look into "fostering" a cat...then if it gets too much, 
you can contact the service to refoster it.


----------



## Lee (Jan 29, 2021)

Liberty, I like that idea and have thought about it. But when I love, I love deep. It's people like me that would not give the kitty up once in my home.

Something to consider though, maybe volunteering.


----------



## Murrmurr (Jan 29, 2021)

Lee, do you think your husband would enjoy more of a hobby pet, like fish or turtles? Or pillbugs? 
(joking about the bugs. I used to have a colony. Not an interesting pet.)


----------



## Liberty (Jan 30, 2021)

Lee said:


> Liberty, I like that idea and have thought about it. But when I love, I love deep. It's people like me that would not give the kitty up once in my home.
> 
> Something to consider though, maybe volunteering.


From what I understand, cats are rarely adopted from the fostering homes...so, unless you absolutely had to give the cat up, doubt that it would be an issue. And you wouldn't have to worry about the feline if something happened.


----------



## HoneyNut (Jan 30, 2021)

Lee said:


> Help me make a decision please. I know he wants another cat, actually suggested 2 so they were company for each other. It's been 4 days and I admit that something is missing but I really do not feel that taking on more stress is the answer.


I struggle with the one versus two question also.  Two are more expense and I was thinking one would be cheaper to board when I go away on vacation (if covid ever goes away, sighhh).  But, now I am wondering if I could avoid feeling guilty when I go on vacation if there were two cats that could board together.  I didn't think I was going to feel guilty leaving my current cat for two or three weeks, but that was because he had lived alone in the barn a long time and I thought he'd be fine alone, but now that covid has caused me to work from home, he has become just as affectionately clingy as any other cat and I think he will be unhappy if I disappear for weeks at a time.   I haven't decided yet tho about getting a second.
I'm sorry to hear about Ranger.  {{{hug}}}
My opinion is that it is better to get an apartment that allows pets just in case in the future the human decides they want one.  I wouldn't want someone else preventing me from having a purring little fuzz pillow or a happy waggy friend.  I miss having a dog, but I'm planning to travel a lot after I retire and probably hard enough with a cat.  When I settle down I hope to get a little dog again.
I'm not sure why you consider getting new pets would be taking on "more stress"?  My experience is when our pets became old they added stress and expense, but other than the sharp-teethy phase of a young dog, I don't remember any stress from having young pets.  
I agree it is a worry about outliving your pets, or even just getting too frail to care for them.  On the other hand, you are young enough to last longer than a typical cat (maybe not one that lives as long as Ranger, how did he last so long, did you provide him lots of extra care and special food?  He must have been an amazing old fellow.).


----------



## Jules (Jan 30, 2021)

So sorry about the loss of Ranger and all your other pets.

I wouldn’t be sorry about losing that ‘friend’.  Your comment was made in stress and fear.  

You’re not ready for a new pet.  Tell your hubby that and will let him know when you are.  You’re wise to have analyzed potential issues in the future.  If you have to move and are limited because of the no pet rule, that’s a major issue.  

Some animal shelter places need someone to walk a dog.  Personally, I couldn’t do it because my desire to adopt would be too strong.

There’s no rush to make a decision.


----------



## HoneyNut (Jan 30, 2021)

Lee said:


> As awful as this might sound, a few weeks ago, there was a health crisis with hubby. The cat was sick and I knew the end was coming. I remarked to a friend who now thinks I am a terrible person "I wonder who is going to "go" next, hubby or the cat" She has now taken the time to remind me of this remark. I guess this would have been a better time to think first talk later.


I've read that studies have shown that dark humor is a good coping strategy and people who appreciate it have higher intelligence and lower aggression levels.  Conversely, people who don't appreciate dark humor are less intelligent and have more aggression.  Guess we know a little something about your friend now, ha ha.


----------

