# How Do You Feel About Giving "inheritances" To Your Heirs Before You Die?



## OneEyedDiva (Oct 3, 2018)

I see my son and DIL working *so* hard yet they can hardly make ends meet. My son wants to move to a warmer, less expensive area but my DIL has time in, a pension coming when she retires and very good health benefits, which she's not promised to get if she changes jobs (my son would be able to stay with his current company). She also has developed a few health issues making it critical that she maintains her health insurance coverage. I would also want to give something to my son's ex, the mother of two of my grandchildren, who is like a daughter to me. I've been thinking about giving them something now but not everything I intend to leave. I'm not in debt and I own a co-op where we pay about 37% of what the average cost of housing is in our area so that my pension is more than enough to cover my personal expenses. I invest the rest. The reason why I'm still investing so diligently is in case I have to go into a nursing home. I live in New Jersey which has some of the most expensive nursing home costs in the country.  That is why I wouldn't give them everything I intend for them to get after my death. 

Here is an article about a woman who wants to give money to her daughter now. Included are good reasons to give while living and good reasons not to.  How do you feel about giving while living?
http://theweek.com/articles/460943/should-give-kids-inheritance-before-die


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## JimW (Oct 3, 2018)

If you're in a position to do so without it hurting you financially, then I see nothing wrong with it. If they are truly in need now and you know they will use the money wisely, it may be of more benefit to give it to them now rather than later on in life.


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## Falcon (Oct 3, 2018)

That's  right   Jim


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## JimW (Oct 3, 2018)

Falcon said:


> That's  right   Jim



Thanks Falcon.

Diva, one possible plus for you if you give them the money now is you will have the satisfaction of seeing them reap the benefits of it.


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## KingsX (Oct 3, 2018)

JimW said:


> *If you're in a position to do so without it hurting you financially*, then I see nothing wrong with it. If they are truly in need now *and you know they will use the money wisely,*  it may be of more benefit to give it to them now rather than later on in life.




*IF THEY WILL USE THE MONEY WISELY *

From my point of view,  this is also a very important consideration.
It would not only affect whether they get inheritance money early...
 it would affect whether or not they ever inherit it.

Does your heir have financial maturity to make responsible money decisions...
or will you be throwing your money legacy down a spendthrift blackhole.

.


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## Keesha (Oct 3, 2018)

KingsX said:


> *IF THEY WILL USE THE MONEY WISELY *
> 
> From my point of view,  this is also a very important consideration.
> It would not only affect whether they get inheritance money early...
> ...


Once you give something, it’s considered a gift.
I would think one would give from the heart, not the head. 
What people do with the money shouldn’t enter into the decision to give otherwise you aren’t giving for their benefit but for your own

I can understand some consideration put into it but like Jim  said, if they could use it now then it would be more useful to them


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## Aunt Bea (Oct 3, 2018)

If the gift is enough to change their situation without changing yours I would make the gift.


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## C'est Moi (Oct 3, 2018)

Aunt Bea said:


> If the gift is enough to change their situation without changing yours I would make the gift.



Perfect.


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## C'est Moi (Oct 3, 2018)

Keesha said:


> Once you give something, it’s considered a gift.
> I would think one would give from the heart, not the head.
> What people do with the money shouldn’t enter into the decision to give otherwise you aren’t giving for their benefit but for your own
> 
> I can understand some consideration put into it but like Jim  said, if they could use it now then it would be more useful to them



Totally.   When I give someone something, it is not so that I can have control of what they do with it.   Good grief.


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## KingsX (Oct 3, 2018)

Keesha said:


> Once you give something, it’s considered a gift.
> I would think one would give from the heart, not the head.
> What people do with the money shouldn’t enter into the decision to give otherwise you aren’t giving for their benefit but for your own
> 
> I can understand some consideration put into it but like Jim  said, if they could use it now then it would be more useful to them




It's not a gift until one gives it.

I will give my money to whomsoever I please... or NOT give it to a relative who is not worthy.

.


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## Brent Stangel (Oct 3, 2018)

JimW said:


> If you're in a position to do so without it hurting you financially, then I see nothing wrong with it. If they are truly in need now and you know they will use the money wisely, it may be of more benefit to give it to them now rather than later on in life.



Exactly what I would have said.

I regularly give my children money.  It doesn't make them lazy or irresponsible, and it makes me happier than spending it on anything else.

Brent


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## Keesha (Oct 4, 2018)

KingsX said:


> It's not a gift until one gives it.
> 
> I will give my money to whomsoever I please... or NOT give it to a relative who is not worthy.
> 
> .



You can give your money to Ronald McDonald if you so choose. 
I don’t really care.


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## JimW (Oct 4, 2018)

Keesha said:


> You can give your money to Ronald McDonald if you so choose.
> I don’t really care.


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## Keesha (Oct 4, 2018)

JimW said:


> View attachment 57518



:lofl: I suppose I did sound a bit b*tchy:laugh:


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## hollydolly (Oct 4, 2018)

I think you've thought this out very well, and if I were in the same position, I would do exactly the same. Give some now, keep some for your later years and potentially for nursing home fees, and what's left to be shared out among them all when you pass!

It's clear that it's hard to watch your adult children struggle financially if you're in the position to help them, so I say, go for it , absolutely..and know that they don't have to wait for you to die before they can be helped financially..and also you get the pleasure of seeing them get a little step up the ladder with your help!!


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## peppermint (Oct 4, 2018)

We always give to the kids and grandkids....Especially when they go to college...I have 4 grandkids....When my first Grandson graduated from College we had a party for all of his friends and our relatives and we gave him a sufficient gift (Cash)...He now had an Engagement Party with his girlfriend in our back yard, again....We gave him another 
gift (Cash)….We will give them another gift when they get married....My Granddaughter is going to graduate this December from Nursing School, she also will get a gift (Cash)….My 17 year old Grandson is in his Senior Year, we will do the same for him when he graduate's College....At Christmas we give money and a cute Christmas Stocking...for the kids..
Also to my older Grandson's fiancé get's gifts....I still give money at Christmas to my daughter and her husband, my son and his wife...Also Birthday gifts to all...
To my 4 Niece's and Nephews...We just had another baby born this week....

We aren't Rich, we just worked all our life, still live in our 41 year old home....Before that we rented....

Also, if my husband dies before me, I will have a Lawyer, to have my two kids, Daughter and Son, to take over all of our assets....They will get everything when I die, but
I will live in my house till then....Also, if something happens to my 2 kids when I'm still alive, the grandkids will take over....(Hopefully that doesn't happen)….


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## StarSong (Oct 5, 2018)

I'm unclear about your post, Keesha.  Are you considering giving them money now to improve their ability to move to a warmer, less expensive climate, or are you hoping to make it easier for them to live in the more expensive area where they are now?  

The trick is to know that you're not giving more than you can afford.


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## Aunt Bea (Oct 5, 2018)

StarSong said:


> The trick is to know that you're not giving more than you can afford.



That is a serious and legitimate concern.

One possible way to deal with it is to take over a financial obligation like a car payment, student loan, grandchildren's school tuition, etc...  that can be paid over time out of current income without depleting invstment accounts.  Be very clear on exactly what will be paid and for how long, etc...


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## Elsie (Oct 5, 2018)

If my 'heirs' were in need of funds NOW to financially help them reach a career goal, not granting them a share of their inheritance NOW and not until I die, it could end up coming too late to help them reach their goal.  Heirs that you see ARE working hard to reach that goal.


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## OneEyedDiva (Oct 25, 2018)

*Thank you all for your thoughtful, insightful answers. *I know how I'm going to do this...."along and along" as my mother used to say. I think they'll appreciate that just as much as a lump sum.  This speaks to Aunt Bea's & JimW's very wise advice.


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