# just one post from me



## JaniceM (Jan 5, 2023)

Last night I was so distraught I couldn’t sleep. And I’m one of those people who almost never gets even slightly rattled by much of anything. I guess it came down to the last straw.

For a few days I’d been gathering info to contribute to a thread- interesting thread, and the topic was interesting to me for personal reasons- but it occurred to me ‘why bother,’ as no one is really interested in anything I say anyway.

When I was reading the thread though, I noticed posts/comments that again showed my place- or lack thereof. Individual was posting about sharing pictures, members ‘knowing’ various things, etc., and it had something in common with posts I’d seen from others that said their ‘friends’ on SF knew their real names, etc.

I’ve been a member since 2017. To the best of my recollection I’ve only known 3 members’ real names, and that’s only because they wrote books. To the best of my recollection only 2 people ever sent me direct messages, one who just wanted to complain about nearly everybody on the forum and the other who had basic questions/comments about forum. 

I’ve also noticed when I contact anyone the members generally reply to a question or comment, and that’s it- unless I push and push, I never hear from them again. I’m not in the habit of pushing myself on people; if people don’t want to hear from me I don’t make an issue of it. 

I’m also not in the habit of pushing in where I’m not wanted- but that seems to be what I continued to do here on SF for years. I have no idea what I’ve been doing wrong, but whatever criteria individuals have for considering people to be their ‘friends,’ I’ve never made the grade. Even after 5+ years, it’s like “being on the outside, looking in.”

And for whatever reason no one thinks I’m interesting enough, or attractive enough, or important enough to want to get to know as a person, I’m tired of being an outsider. I think it’s been more than long enough to try to be Accepted yet somehow failing every step of the way.


----------



## MarkD (Jan 5, 2023)

JaniceM said:


> Last night I was so distraught I couldn’t sleep. And I’m one of those people who almost never gets even slightly rattled by much of anything. I guess it came down to the last straw.
> 
> For a few days I’d been gathering info to contribute to a thread- interesting thread, and the topic was interesting to me for personal reasons- but it occurred to me ‘why bother,’ as no one is really interested in anything I say anyway.
> 
> ...



That sucks.  Are you on any other forums?   That might help to spread your eggs into more baskets.  Of course real life might be even better but who can remember?  We stopped going to the Y which had been a regular place to socialize too.  But we’re in permanent lock down owing to my wife’s medical conditions.  So it pretty much got to be virtual now.  Not ideal.


----------



## 1955 (Jan 5, 2023)

I've often thought the same thing but I did receive two private messages when I first signed up although they were just a friendly welcome.


----------



## ohioboy (Jan 5, 2023)

Janice, if you leave I will put out an APB for you!


----------



## Blessed (Jan 5, 2023)

Do not look at it that way.  This is a place anyone can share what is going on in daily life and struggles. A place to pour out your heart. Your fears, your sadness, your struggle.  It is also a place to share your joy, your passions, your accomplishments.  

We maybe different but we are all the same.  We all need to talk, have connections, to be heard.  Just let this place be somewhere you can put it out there, for the most part you will not be judged in any way.


----------



## Nemo2 (Jan 5, 2023)

JaniceM said:


> And for whatever reason no one thinks I’m interesting enough, or attractive enough, or important enough to want to get to know as a person, I’m tired of being an outsider. I think it’s been more than long enough to try to be Accepted yet somehow failing every step of the way.


Don't sweat it  -  I'm already getting messages from people demanding that I don't tell them my name!


----------



## hollydolly (Jan 5, 2023)

Janice, have you ever been the first to send people messages rather than waiting for others to PM you? ..or follow up with PM's ?

Try not to get despondent about this.. I've been here 9 years.. and I only know a handful of people's real names, because in truth when I receive or send a Pm for most reasons I sign myself off as Holly..not my real name...and that's for everyone except my closest friends

There's probably 7 or 8 people who know my real name... which is a  pretty low number  for 9 years..,  only because I don't give it..Holly is perfectly acceptable...

Those who do know my real name and I theirs, have been here generally speaking for as long as I have..  or have been the first to tell me their real name..

Don't go thinking that people are having a forum life behind the scenes and you're being left out.. mostly it's not the case.. The truth is those who constantly PM behind the scenes are usually those who like to stir trouble... Occasional friendly PM's are a different thing..

I have several people here who I would class as close friends because when I was going through a very bad time, they were the ones who reached out to me, and stayed  with me and cared enough to get me through it..

Oh ETA... also there's a couple of members here who I knew from British forums.. Pre this one.. so longer than 9 years ago...


----------



## RadishRose (Jan 5, 2023)

1955 said:


> just a friendly welcome


Just? What were you expecting?
Well, I didn't send you a Conversation, but welcome to the forum!


----------



## Gaer (Jan 5, 2023)

@JaniceM,   When people open their hearts, like you just did, others are going to take notice!
@Blessed said it best.  Don't think I can improve on what she said.
Personally, I mostly just babble!  I don't have any interaction with anyone except for this forum.
This is a place where you can talk about your feelings, (as you just did) or be corny.
Others don't bring you happiness.  You make your own happiness.
They can accept your words or deny them  It doesn't matter.
You know what's true and real.  This is a place you can express anything., (almost)
People DO read and give worth to other's opinions.  Don't you go away!


----------



## RadishRose (Jan 5, 2023)

Oh @JaniceM , I always enjoy hearing from you. Like holly, after 9 years, I know about 7 or 8 people's first names. I don't go into every post in every thread, so if  I missed a lot of yours, I'm sorry. You belong here!


----------



## dobielvr (Jan 5, 2023)

Glad you're here JaniceM, and I enjoy reading your posts!


----------



## 1955 (Jan 5, 2023)

RadishRose said:


> Just? What were you expecting?
> Well, I didn't send you a Conversation, but welcome to the forum!


Yeah "just" meaning nothing more but heart felt none the less.
And thank you.
Gee, it's gonna be a year in Feb. Time flies the older you get!


----------



## Jaiden (Jan 5, 2023)

I'm new hear and IDK about real names (everyone knows my real name lol) or PMs, but I feel included.  When I post and people Like or Reply or Quote my post, I know that my words are being read and understood, and that makes me feel good about the forum.


----------



## Gary O' (Jan 5, 2023)

JaniceM said:


> And for whatever reason no one thinks I’m interesting enough, or attractive enough


Well, I looked at this thread;

(1) Whatcha’ll look like now, hmmmm? | Page 12 | Senior Forums

And yer pic was no longer available

*'Attractive enough'*

The intent of that thread is not so much how attractive folks are, but what one looks like at our age
Character lines seem to define what we've all been thru or put ourselves thru
Get a certain age, it happens

I *have *noticed your likes and loves, of which also defines a person....

Anyway, I think yer a sweet lady and would miss your contributions...


----------



## Shalimar (Jan 5, 2023)

*I like you, Janice. You are authentic. Please stay. *


----------



## CallMeKate (Jan 5, 2023)

I guess I'll throw my two cents in here although I'm a newbie.  I've enjoyed the posts of yours I've seen, @JaniceM .  I didn't even know that "real names" was a thing to hide and blurted mine out even in my handle.    I also didn't know how private messages were thought of/accepted here, or if that was something to avoid doing... I joined because I really *really* wanted to see if there could be some genuine friendships formed since I'm pretty much "alone" emotionally except for immediate family. Oh well, I'll live and learn. If friendships form in messages or even email, I'd be thrilled... but if not, I'm enjoying every minute I spend here and that's a very good thing, too.


----------



## ohioboy (Jan 5, 2023)

I should not dare to leave my friend,
Because—because if he should die
While I was gone—and I—too late—
Should reach the Heart that wanted me—

If I should disappoint the eyes
That hunted—hunted so—to see—
And could not bear to shut until
They "noticed" me—they noticed me—

If I should stab the patient faith
So sure I'd come—so sure I'd come—
It listening—listening—went to sleep—
Telling my tardy name—

My Heart would wish it broke before—
Since breaking then—since breaking then—
Were useless as next morning's sun—
Where midnight frosts—had lain!

Emily Dickinson


----------



## Jules (Jan 5, 2023)

Janice, I go out of my way to not give my real name.  There’s a forum that I’ve been on for over a dozen years.  One fellow was very interesting and we discussed some things in PMs, mostly political stuff, nothing bad.  One day the owner sent me a link to his prison history.  He’d spent 7 years in jail and was/is a registered pedophile.  Sometimes you’re just better off knowing some people.  It’s so hard to know, so I avoid PM chat.  

I always recognize you when you’re posting and that makes you one of my ‘online friends.’ I hope that’s ok.


----------



## Nathan (Jan 5, 2023)

JaniceM said:


> I have no idea what I’ve been doing wrong, but whatever criteria individuals have for considering people to be their ‘friends,’ I’ve never made the grade.


@JaniceM ,  I've always thought highly of you, please don't feel badly.  
I never noticed if this forum can do friend requests, but I'll have to check that out.


----------



## Bella (Jan 5, 2023)

You're not doing anything wrong @JaniceM. I haven't been here as long as you have, and I don't consider myself on the inside or the outside, I'm just here. I read more than I post and don't respond to everything. I've occasionally posted threads and most times very few people respond, but I'll continue posting about what interests me. If people respond, great, if they don't, oh well.

I know I'm not everyone's cuppa cappuccino, and there are some people here that_ I'm_ not particularly fond of. There are a few members who like to boast about "knowing" things as if they have a secret inside track on information not generally known to others, or about how long and how well they know other members and what good friends they are. That's just the way it is on social media platforms.

You said you've made the first move and reached out to others. That's all you can do. If they're disinterested, move on, there are others who might be interested.

As far as sharing "real" names, my real nickname is Bella and on a forum, that's as real as it's gonna get.

I like you and your posts. I consider you my friend.  If I've been remiss in responding to you, I'm sorry. I'll try to remedy that in the future. You have a place, and it's here with us. Please don't go anywhere. 






Bella


----------



## MountainRa (Jan 5, 2023)

When I was just a guest on Senior Forums, not yet a member, I would often see threads I wanted to respond to or had ideas for a thread subject. But once I became a member I found I often felt like I had nothing to contribute to a thread or was just repeating what had already been said. Sometimes I felt as you do, Janice M, that no one really had interest in what I had to say.  I’ve never initiated a thread topic myself even though I’ve thought surely to God I can think up a thread idea. Haven’t so far.

I don’t know any member’s real name. They don’t know mine. I personally don’t feel the need to know. I’ve never sent or received a direct message. Don’t really know how to. Maybe I don’t have my settings right.

I still feel like I know some of the members. I want to know what Katlupe is doing; I worry about her elevator. I want to know what Gary O is building in his shop. I enjoy Hollydolly’s photos and descriptions of life in England as I’ll never get to visit there. I could name probably 15 more  members I care about though they would not be aware of it.

I hope you’ll stay, JaniceM, and keep contributing. It takes all of us to keep Senior Forums active and engaging.


----------



## Mizmo (Jan 5, 2023)

I have mostly enjoyed my stay and indeed felt supported in a time when I needed to spout off about things going on in my life.
However, I do wonder  (and sometimes worry}  , when I make a post, about the reaction with one of those emojis, never quite sure about it and also wonder about no reaction at all from one member who is otherwise busy reacting to other people.

Then I think...did I say the wrong thing, was I too naughty but then I just let it go.........................................
I am not concerned about knowing the real name of people just happy to have them the way they are.
My posts are not on  an intellectual level coz I am here for lighthearted fun and camaraderie ( had to Google that for spelling ) but I have spouted off a few times.
So  dear @JaniceM , keep on posting, we need you.


----------



## CallMeKate (Jan 5, 2023)

MountainRa said:


> I don’t know any member’s real name. They don’t know mine.


I'll bet you know mine.


----------



## Nemo2 (Jan 5, 2023)

CallMeKate said:


> I'll bet you know mine.


Yes, I've figured it out, _Call_ is an abbreviation of _Calliope_...that was easy!


----------



## CallMeKate (Jan 5, 2023)

Nathan said:


> @JaniceM ,  I've always thought highly of you, please don't feel badly.
> I never noticed if this forum can do friend requests, but I'll have to check that out.


Now that you mentioned this, @Nathan , I didn't remember if I did any settings for that in preferences so I went to look.  I don't see a friend request, just a follow.  But I did notice that we can choose who can send us private messages.  I have "members only" marked... I assume that's the best way?  Wouldn't letting non-members write invite spam?  Or maybe I'm missing something?  I'd enjoy getting messages, but I didn't know that people not members here could write to members.  How does that work?


----------



## CallMeKate (Jan 5, 2023)

Nemo2 said:


> Yes, I've figured it out, _Call_ is an abbreviation of _Calliope_...that was easy!


Well pooh, now I have to go into hiding.  You're too quick, @Nemo2  and I'm busted.


----------



## MarkinPhx (Jan 5, 2023)

I'm pretty sure most of us have felt the same way, whether it is on this forum, or another forum , or with  face to face events or heck, in my case, even with my family at times.  The feeling does pop up for me from time to time but then it passes and at least for me I recognize that I was just being insecure because of life's events around me.  It had nothing to do how others were acting towards me.  Not sure if this is what might be happening to you but might help to take a break a couple of days until you feel better about things. This is just my opinion though . 

What I can tell you is that I do enjoy your input. I don't participate in  many topic but I do read many of them and I find your input informative. But since I don't really participate in the discussions it's hard  for you to know that.  And I feel the same way about many people who have participated in the forum since I have started. I know them by their screen name but haven't really given them feedback on how much I enjoy their input. I am not going to send a DM to someone every time I do like their input but I will put more effort into marking a comment with a like or a heart if I do appreciate their input. I have been guilty at times of just lurking and not giving an effort to show someone I do like what they said and it really does not take effort on my part to do so.  So you have opened my eyes on this topic Janice

Sorry for the long ramble but just wanted you to know that you are not alone with those thoughts, not necessarily about this forum in specific but life in general. I have felt it at times also. 

Oh, by the way, my name actually is Mark and I am in Phoenix.  You will have to torture me if you want to know my middle and last name though


----------



## Alligatorob (Jan 5, 2023)

JaniceM said:


> And for whatever reason no one thinks I’m interesting enough, or attractive enough, or important enough to want to get to know as a person, I’m tired of being an outsider. I think it’s been more than long enough to try to be Accepted yet somehow failing every step of the way.


I think you are interesting and important, and probably attractive.  And I certainly accept you.  I don't see that you have failed.

I have not seen your picture, but I find everyone I like to be attractive, so I am sure you are.  However that is the least important trait I can think of...


----------



## LadyEmeraude (Jan 5, 2023)

Jules said:


> Janice, I go out of my way to not give my real name.  There’s a forum that I’ve been on for over a dozen years.  One fellow was very interesting and we discussed some things in PMs, mostly political stuff, nothing bad.  One day the owner sent me a link to his prison history.  He’d spent 7 years in jail and was/is a registered pedophile.  Sometimes you’re just better off knowing some people.  It’s so hard to know, so I avoid PM chat.
> 
> I always recognize you when you’re posting and that makes you one of my ‘online friends.’ I hope that’s ok.


Oddly, I received the same link from the owner of that forum. I did not think though it was the exact same person as in the link. Hard to say.


----------



## LadyEmeraude (Jan 5, 2023)

Like some others, I at times just read the forums, and enjoy it.

Janice, I think you are a very nice person and poster


----------



## Nemo2 (Jan 5, 2023)

CallMeKate said:


> Well pooh, now I have to go into hiding.  You're too quick, @Nemo2  and I'm busted.


Oh yeah, I didn't fork over $4,500 for "_Be-an-online-detective-in-three-easy-lessons_" for nothing, y'know.


----------



## Right Now (Jan 5, 2023)

Bella said:


> You're not doing anything wrong @JaniceM. I haven't been here as long as you have, and I don't consider myself on the inside or the outside, I'm just here. I read more than I post and don't respond to everything. I've occasionally posted threads and most times very few people respond, but I'll continue posting about what interests me. If people respond, great, if they don't, oh well.
> 
> *I know I'm not everyone's cuppa cappuccino, and there are some people here that I'm not particularly fond of. There are a few members who like to boast about "knowing" things as if they have a secret inside track on information not generally known to others, or about how long and how well they know other members and what good friends they are. That's just the way it is on social media platforms. *


This is how I feel, too.  Only a couple have reached out to me with a PM, and I thought it was because I don't share many intimate thoughts or dilemmas I may have in any given day or week.  Many members are comfortable sharing almost anything, but I won't do it on a public forum.   But, that is just me.
I would like to PM a few members to get to know them better, but I am afraid they would think I am stalking them, or getting too personal.
I enjoy your posts, and seeing your avatar when I am online.  You stick it out, we like you, genuinely like YOU.
I may stick around awhile, too


----------



## Pinky (Jan 5, 2023)

I am another infrequent poster .. but, I read everything others post - including your posts @JaniceM 
Normally, I am more interested in reading people's thoughts, than commenting. 

Hopefully, you will stay after reading all the responses here


----------



## katlupe (Jan 5, 2023)

Please stay @JaniceM as all of us together make a community. Every single person here is a part and you are one too. At first when I joined here I was timid about posting even comments. I slowly found my way and starting my diary was the best thing I did......for me. I didn't really write it for others, just my own account. As for my real name, it is all over the whole internet so I have nothing to hide. katlupe is a combo of my first and last names and I use it everywhere, even on fakebook. Write in this diary and let us get to know you better.


----------



## Gary O' (Jan 5, 2023)

katlupe said:


> Write in this diary and let us get to know you better.


*YES!!*


----------



## Pepper (Jan 5, 2023)

I'm outraged @JaniceM.  Cut the crap!  I love you and I almost never write to anyone and the true is the same in reverse.  I'm not a talkative person anymore; not my former verbose self; and can barely get out a sentence on here.  

Anyway, am now PMing you my "real" name.


----------



## hollydolly (Jan 5, 2023)

Talking of real names.. funny story.. I once told someone here my real name.. and she freaked   No-no-no.. she wailed, I can't call you that , it doesn't match you.. I can't think of you as anything other than Holly!! 

Point being that you don't have to know someone's given name to have a good relationship with them


----------



## katlupe (Jan 5, 2023)

hollydolly said:


> Talking of real names.. funny story.. I once told someone here my real name.. and she freaked   No-no-no.. she wailed, I can't call you that , it doesn't match you.. I can't think of you as anything other than Holly!!
> 
> Point being that you don't have to know someone's given name to have a good relationship with them


That is why I don't want to know your real name. Probably something like Mildred or Francine that doesn't suit you. Holly is perfect for you.


----------



## hollydolly (Jan 5, 2023)

katlupe said:


> That is why I don't want to know your real name. Probably something like Mildred or Francine that doesn't suit you. Holly is perfect for you.


I promise you it's nothing like Mildred or Francine...


----------



## Right Now (Jan 5, 2023)

Mildred?  Yep, from now on, I will think of HollyMildred  and laugh


----------



## Alligatorob (Jan 5, 2023)

Right Now said:


> Mildred? Yep, from now on, I will think of HollyMildred and laugh


I was thinking Gladys


----------



## hollydolly (Jan 6, 2023)

Alligatorob said:


> I was thinking Gladys


 I've never known anyone called Mildred... and we had a Gladys in my class at school. Even then it was old fashioned ( 60's)... when we left school she changed it ...


----------



## Pepper (Jan 6, 2023)

Janice is very important to me when I come here; I always check her posts.  Always.  When I see her name I'm glad.


----------



## Victoria (Jan 6, 2023)

Aaaww no need to feel that way. For me personally, whenever someone private messaged me in past forums, they always wanted something or was selling something or wanted to hook up. LOL I think it depends on how you view it. 
I prefer getting to know people on the boards, no need to know real names. Plus I'm a private person and an introvert, I prefer talking on the boards. That way I can choose what I want to discuss or tell about myself without feeling like someone expects me to say things since it's private message. Plus like someone else said, you never know who is behind the PMs anyway. Too many crazy sick people in the world. The message boards are a perfect way to communicate and discuss things while keeping safe boundaries too.   That's how I view it.  Others may see it that way too. I like reading your posts and don't want you to feel unappreciated.
Do you have Facebook? A good idea is to invite people from here to your Facebook page maybe? Facebook is formatted for the kind of interaction you are seeking.  Message boards are different. I like how message boards are set up. No need for PMs.


----------



## Pappy (Jan 6, 2023)

Well Janice, you can pm me anytime you feel this way. I’m just an old fart that enjoys posting a lot of nonsense and jokes mainly because I don’t have a lot to add to serious subjects. 
I always answer anyone who takes the time to write me and enjoy talking to online folks. I even play words with friends with a couple members. 
Live has been good to me and I guess I’m just trying to give back a little cheer or two. Need to talk Janis, I’m here everyday.
Pappy or Dave if you prefer.


----------



## Jackie23 (Jan 6, 2023)

I can't add a lot to what everyone has already said but just that on a forum I gravitate to people that have the same outlook on life that I do and there are many here...  I appreciate and look forward to reading their post and Janice, you are one of them.  Feel free to pm me any time.


----------



## OneEyedDiva (Jan 6, 2023)

JaniceM said:


> Last night I was so distraught I couldn’t sleep. And I’m one of those people who almost never gets even slightly rattled by much of anything. I guess it came down to the last straw.
> 
> For a few days I’d been gathering info to contribute to a thread- interesting thread, and the topic was interesting to me for personal reasons- but it occurred to me ‘why bother,’ as no one is really interested in anything I say anyway.
> 
> ...


Wow Janice. I definitely don't view you the way you view yourself!  If memory serves me correctly, I've reacted with likes and hugs to your threads. There's so much going on here that it's hard to keep track sometimes. I have trouble keeping track of my own threads. Speaking of which, I've posted some threads that got no replies at all and only a couple of reactions. That's not a deterrent IMO.  It just means it wasn't a subject matter of interest or other threads were more interesting thus people lost track of my threads. 

Another thing your post makes me think of is the days I'm feeling down and I swear nobody loves me. But deep down, even though I'm feeling that, I *know* it's not true. So *know* that your input *is* valued, you are respected and we *do* care.


----------



## Paco Dennis (Jan 6, 2023)

The Washington Post has an article today that claims the glaciers are done for. California is under siege by weather...again. The war continues with horrible consequences. Mass shootings every week. Recession, food shortages, health system is almost crippled, and on and on. How can we keep a positive attitude with our world in so much trouble? It bothers me most all the time. We are older, and our health isn't what it was, that is a concern too. We try to keep things "lighthearted", but that is not very fulfilling when we have such hard conditions now. I feel like staying involved here, because eventually these issues are addressed. The real problem is that there is kind of a hopelessness about "fixing" any of these large problems. Everyone is guessing at solutions and not sure what to think. It is a very "unsure" era. I think you can feel this, and maybe feeling a bit overwhelmed, and afraid. ( me too ). I don't think it is time yet to abandon ship yet. I think we need to persevere, and have a little patience with each other.


----------



## Nemo2 (Jan 6, 2023)

One wonders what dire predictions 'today's media' would make about Krakatoa......_"We're all gonna die!!"_


----------



## JustBonee (Jan 6, 2023)

Almost ten years on this forum myself    .... And _many, many people_ coming  and going all the time,  I still find it entertaining. 
I come here to be enlightened  about things I don't know  ...  and share what little I do know. 

I joined the board when I was 70,  and as I'm about to turn 80,  it's been a wonderful experience.  
My only advice would be not to take people's words  too seriously,  especially when you don't even know them --  and on a message board, keep in mind  you never really know them. 

... you don't know what they are living with,   or  going through ... . Kindness,  and keeping it 'light'   helps in  survival.

Sorry for your anxiety  @JaniceM


----------



## Lewkat (Jan 6, 2023)

I really don't care who knows my real name.  I use it elsewhere, but was urged to find a sobriquet, as someone else has the same name as mine here.  Furthermore, I have, and still do enjoy pms with several people here, and I respect their desire to use an alias on the forum.  I do know many of the folks here from other forums and Facebook, but seldom if ever make contact on those sites.  As for reading threads and comments, if they interest me, I become involved and do remember who wrote them.  

It isn't necessary, in my opinion, to always acknowledge a person's statement.  I certainly don't expect it from anyone at all.  If I write something and someone comments on it, fine.  If not, that's fine as well.

Janice, I hope you feel better after all our comments, for we do know who you are and do read your comments.


----------

