# Paxton's father is in pursuit



## Murrmurr (Nov 5, 2022)

As I write this, Paxton's father, Cole, is on the road in pursuit of Paxton's mother. He was supposed to have visitation with Pax and the twins, but when he went to pick them up from the mission house, where they live, he was told she got kicked out yesterday! And, of course, the kids went, too. So dad called around and then drove around until he spotted her van, honked and flashed his lights, called her, texted her - she refuses to pull over.

His mom called me in a panic "What do I do??" I told her to have him stay behind Tara's van and call the police. He just wants his time with the kids. (Tara is their mother)


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## Chet (Nov 5, 2022)

Good luck with that.


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## Murrmurr (Nov 5, 2022)

These people are out of their minds. So freaking stupid.


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## Della (Nov 5, 2022)

Here's hoping this will add to her long list of transgressions and someday she will lose custody.


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## RadishRose (Nov 5, 2022)

Oh, brother!


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## hollydolly (Nov 5, 2022)

Murrmurr said:


> As I write this, Paxton's father, Cole, is on the road in pursuit of Paxton's mother. He was supposed to have visitation with Pax and the twins, but when he went to pick them up from the mission house, where they live, he was told she got kicked out yesterday! And, of course, the kids went, too. So dad called around and then drove around until he spotted her van, honked and flashed his lights, called her, texted her - she refuses to pull over.
> 
> His mom called me in a panic "What do I do??" I told her to have him stay behind Tara's van and call the police. He just wants his time with the kids. (Tara is their mother)


Surely...SURELY... social services will remove the kids from her now....


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## Pinky (Nov 5, 2022)

She is really a piece of work!


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## Jace (Nov 5, 2022)

O M G!


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## Alligatorob (Nov 5, 2022)

Murrmurr said:


> I told her to have him stay behind Tara's van and call the police.


I think that is the right thing to do.  The police can often help sort these things out.

Best of luck with it.


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## Kika (Nov 5, 2022)

Such a drama.  Too bad the kids have to be a part of it.


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## Pinky (Nov 5, 2022)

It will be interesting to know what prompted her to be kicked out. In which case, one would think they might have taken steps to ensure the children would have somewhere secure to go.


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## StarSong (Nov 5, 2022)

What a terrible situation for those children.


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## Murrmurr (Nov 5, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> Surely...SURELY... social services will remove the kids from her now....


I won't count on it.



Alligatorob said:


> I think that is the right thing to do.  The police can often help sort these things out.
> 
> Best of luck with it.


But did they take my advice? No. The father gave up the chase - saw a convenience store, and went in to get "a beer".

I hate these people. I hate that Paxton was forced by a judge to live with them.

I just got off the phone with the dad. I advised him to call CPS, his probation officer, and his attorney on Monday, and tell them everything. Will he? Probly not.


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## Murrmurr (Nov 5, 2022)

StarSong said:


> What a terrible situation for those children.


It's 100% about the kids. To me, it is. To the parents, nah.


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## Murrmurr (Nov 5, 2022)

Pinky said:


> It will be interesting to know what prompted her to be kicked out. In which case, one would think they might have taken steps to ensure the children would have somewhere secure to go.


You'd think so, right? Tara's former CPS caseworker failed to submit Tara's rental application twice. _Twice_. Tara would have been in a nice apartment almost year ago. Instead, they ended up in this "mission house" which is no place to raise a family, if you asked me.


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## Tish (Nov 5, 2022)

What a horrible situation to put her kids in.
I pray this ends well, and no one crashes their car.


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## Murrmurr (Nov 5, 2022)

Tish said:


> What a horrible situation to put her kids in.
> I pray this ends well, and no one crashes their car.


It's over. Fortunately the dog saw a squirrel (dad saw a liquor store). He called me and I advised what he should do next, but I'm sure it went out his other ear. He's not a bad guy and he just wants to see his kids when he's supposed to, but he's not a very bright person (to put it kindly).

The mother, the father, and the grandmother all react emotionally. OVER-emotionally. Not one of them uses intelligence, or even common sense.


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## Murrmurr (Nov 5, 2022)

@StarSong - the kids' future is doomed. They don't stand a chance.


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## jujube (Nov 5, 2022)

Oh, how sad.  The kids have to suffer the worst.


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## Jules (Nov 5, 2022)

The system is broken and it’s trying to deal with broken people.  So unfair to kids.


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## Been There (Nov 6, 2022)

How old is this child?


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## Tish (Nov 6, 2022)

Murrmurr said:


> It's over. Fortunately the dog saw a squirrel (dad saw a liquor store). He called me and I advised what he should do next, but I'm sure it went out his other ear. He's not a bad guy and he just wants to see his kids when he's supposed to, but he's not a very bright person (to put it kindly).
> 
> The mother, the father, and the grandmother all react emotionally. OVER-emotionally. Not one of them uses intelligence, or even common sense.


Thank God that's over!
My heart goes out to the young ones having to deal with over-emotional people in their young lives that have no idea about the emotional pain and guilt they are putting these poor innocent babes through.
I so wish and pray that they will come back into your care, somehow.


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## Murrmurr (Nov 6, 2022)

Been There said:


> How old is this child?


Paxton, is now 4. I was his foster parent from when he was 3.5 weeks old until he was over 2.5 years old. Then his mother was granted custody, but she dropped him off here on the weekends because he cried for me. He lived with her for 8 months when she tested dirty for drugs (for the 3rd time) and the kids were taken by CPS again....he had just turned 3, and he and the twins were placed in another foster home ...not with me, because this happened in another county, plus, I'm not supposed to take 3 children at once. CPS could have made an exception, but one of the twins is a girl. (I only have 1 bedroom)

Paxton's twin siblings, a boy and a girl, are 11 months younger than Paxton. Like him, they were born with illegal drugs in their systems (mostly meth). They were also a few weeks premature, had to be immediately intubated, and tube-fed in the NICU for a few months, and were very fragile for at least a year. Luckily, their first foster parents were both nurses.

I still email with the twins' first foster parents. They still love and miss them very much; probly as much as I love and miss Paxton.


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## mrstime (Nov 6, 2022)

Sad, sad, sad........................


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## StarSong (Nov 6, 2022)

Murrmurr said:


> Paxton, is now 4. I was his foster parent from when he was 3.5 weeks old until he was over 2.5 years old. Then his mother was granted custody, but she dropped him off here on the weekends because he cried for me. He lived with her for 8 months when she tested dirty for drugs (for the 3rd time) and the kids were taken by CPS again....he had just turned 3, and he and the twins were placed in another foster home ...not with me, because this happened in another county, plus, I'm not supposed to take 3 children at once. CPS could have made an exception, but one of the twins is a girl. (I only have 1 bedroom)
> 
> Paxton's twin siblings, a boy and a girl, are 11 months younger than Paxton. Like him, they were born with illegal drugs in their systems (mostly meth). They were also a few weeks premature, had to be immediately intubated, and tube-fed in the NICU for a few months, and were very fragile for at least a year. Luckily, their first foster parents were both nurses.
> 
> I still email with the twins' first foster parents. They still love and miss them very much; probly as much as I love and miss Paxton.


The heartbreak of this story is that in far too many cases the rights of bio parents trump what's in the best interest of the children involved.


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## Murrmurr (Nov 6, 2022)

Jules said:


> The system is broken and it’s trying to deal with broken people.  So unfair to kids.


I wish I could do something about that besides file complaints and sign petitions. Where it comes to CPS, the courts are deaf and politicians don't even care. Apparently, disclosing and discussing decades of CPS and the foster-care system's cruelty and stupidity doesn't get votes, certainly not for those up for re-election in a decades-long career.

CPS and foster care both contribute greatly to kids becoming addicts, alcoholics, thieves, drug-dealers, homeless adults, and career criminals. CPS doesn't help children overcome their parents' neglect and abuse, they teach them to live with it, to abide it. And neither our legislators nor Family Court seem at all willing to require intensive training for foster parents and social workers. (bc that would be pretty expensive) 

If (or when) I find an effective movement with effective leadership, I'm joining it.


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## Murrmurr (Nov 6, 2022)

StarSong said:


> The heartbreak of this story is that in far too many cases the rights of bio parents trump what's in the best interest of the children involved.


Exactly right. Family Court literally has a quota for reuniting kids with their bio-parent(s), and the quota is far and away more important than any child. That quota ensures federal funding after funding for the child's foster care runs out.


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## StarSong (Nov 6, 2022)

Murrmurr said:


> Exactly right. Family Court literally has a quota for reuniting kids with their bio-parent(s), and the quota is far and away more important than any child. That quota ensures federal funding after funding for the child's foster care runs out.


So short-sighted especially if the child could be released for adoption, in which case long-term funding wouldn't be necessary.


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## Lewkat (Nov 6, 2022)

Another case of weaponizing, thus, victimizing children.  Everytime you post about this situation, Murr, my stomach lurches all over the place.  The state of California should be held accountable for continuing to award custody to this misfit woman.  She is now homeless with 3 innocent children, and ought to be picked up and detained indefinitely.  The state can surely find suitable homes for these children to be raised and nurtured in.  Further traumatizing of them is just unconscionable.  Neither parent deserves to be called a parent.

When I lived in California eons ago, it was a terrific place to live with responsible people in charge.  Terrible situation now.


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## StarSong (Nov 6, 2022)

Lewkat said:


> Another case of weaponizing, thus, victimizing children.  Everytime you post about this situation, Murr, my stomach lurches all over the place.  The state of California should be held accountable for continuing to award custody to this misfit woman.  She is now homeless with 3 innocent children, and ought to be picked up and detained indefinitely.  The state can surely find suitable homes for these children to be raised and nurtured in.  Further traumatizing of them is just unconscionable.  Neither parent deserves to be called a parent.
> 
> When I lived in California eons ago, it was a terrific place to live with responsible people in charge.  Terrible situation now.


It's not just California...


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## Lewkat (Nov 6, 2022)

StarSong said:


> It's not just California...


I didn't say it was.  Simply put, this case is.


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## Been There (Nov 6, 2022)

Murrmurr said:


> Paxton, is now 4. I was his foster parent from when he was 3.5 weeks old until he was over 2.5 years old. Then his mother was granted custody, but she dropped him off here on the weekends because he cried for me. He lived with her for 8 months when she tested dirty for drugs (for the 3rd time) and the kids were taken by CPS again....he had just turned 3, and he and the twins were placed in another foster home ...not with me, because this happened in another county, plus, I'm not supposed to take 3 children at once. CPS could have made an exception, but one of the twins is a girl. (I only have 1 bedroom)
> 
> Paxton's twin siblings, a boy and a girl, are 11 months younger than Paxton. Like him, they were born with illegal drugs in their systems (mostly meth). They were also a few weeks premature, had to be immediately intubated, and tube-fed in the NICU for a few months, and were very fragile for at least a year. Luckily, their first foster parents were both nurses.
> 
> I still email with the twins' first foster parents. They still love and miss them very much; probly as much as I love and miss Paxton.


Well, I think her chances at getting the kids back has come and gone. She’s obviously one of those addicts that can’t be rehabilitated. Or am I looking at this wrong?


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## palides2021 (Nov 6, 2022)

Murrmurr said:


> I wish I could do something about that besides file complaints and sign petitions. Where it comes to CPS, the courts are deaf and politicians don't even care. Apparently, disclosing and discussing decades of CPS and the foster-care system's cruelty and stupidity doesn't get votes, certainly not for those up for re-election in a decades-long career.
> 
> CPS and foster care both contribute greatly to kids becoming addicts, alcoholics, thieves, drug-dealers, homeless adults, and career criminals. CPS doesn't help children overcome their parents' neglect and abuse, they teach them to live with it, to abide it. And neither our legislators nor Family Court seem at all willing to require intensive training for foster parents and social workers. (bc that would be pretty expensive)
> 
> If (or when) I find an effective movement with effective leadership, I'm joining it.


Why don't you start your own movement? It seems like you know a lot about it already. You're driven because of the love you have for Paxton. If you can help one family, use your energy to help others, too.


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## Alligatorob (Nov 6, 2022)

palides2021 said:


> Why don't you start your own movement?


Great idea!


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## Murrmurr (Nov 6, 2022)

Been There said:


> Well, I think her chances at getting the kids back has come and gone. She’s obviously one of those addicts that can’t be rehabilitated. Or am I looking at this wrong?


They're back with her again. She got custody in Sept. If they're taken a 3rd time, they'll be available for adoption within 2 months afterward.

The father said he'll talk to his lawyer on Monday about pursuing permanent custody. I'm not very hopeful. He's an ex-convict who had to go through anger management classes twice, lives with his mother, and he does work full-time, but it's through a training program and he only started a few months ago. He's never held a job for longer than that. He's also been through drug rehab and made one slip, meaning he used once since then. The kids' mother has "slipped" several times while her CPS case was open - and that's several times _that we know of_.

Cole (the father) says he's changed for the much better, and that may be, but when it comes to fathers with a history like his, second chances are extremely rare. The mother's been given 3 chances by a judge (major ones!) and 4 by CPS.


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## Murrmurr (Nov 6, 2022)

palides2021 said:


> Why don't you start your own movement? It seems like you know a lot about it already. You're driven because of the love you have for Paxton. If you can help one family, use your energy to help others, too.





Alligatorob said:


> Great idea!


I tried but I didn't get very far....people are busy . Plus, most of the people who contacted me were women exactly like Tara (Paxton's mother) griping about CPS taking their kids for no reason and butting into their personal lives and all that kind of crap. Not one complained about how the CPS and foster care systems messed up their kids....because THEY were doing drugs, abusing and neglecting their children.

My sister said I should start a Facebook page and go into detail in the About section, and only let people who are concerned specifically about the kids become members. But Meesh actually thinks it would be a lot better to find a group that's already established. One that has attorneys, or journalists, or even politicians involved. I do hate Facebook, but I think Meesh is mainly concerned about my back and my energy level and stress. I will start poking around online tomorrow to see if I can find a grassroots movement or whatever.

But what do you guys think? And if I do need to start something myself, where would I start (other than Facebook)? Seems like it'd be crucial to have a family law attorney involved, as a touchstone at least.


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## Jace (Nov 6, 2022)

Unbelievable! That this allowed/continues to go on...just hope nothing "happens" to the kids!


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## Murrmurr (Nov 6, 2022)

Paxton turned 4 in June. The twins were 3 in April. They lived with their mother for 8 months last year, and a little over 2 months so far this year. And she just doesn't get why they didn't immediately take to her, especially Paxton. In fact, that really pissed her off. That's when I started seeing bruises and scratches on him when he'd come for his weekends, and why he absolutely lost it when she came to pick him up. He used to beg me to make her leave and let him stay.

Man, that killed me every time. I should have run off with him. I'm always gonna regret that I didn't.


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## Murrmurr (Nov 6, 2022)

Jace said:


> Unbelievable! That this allowed/continues to go on...just hope nothing "happens" to the kids!


They'll probably grow up to be arseholes and alcoholics and punks. Sorry, I just don't see an up-side right now.


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## StarSong (Nov 7, 2022)

If the kids are released for adoption do you think they will be only adoptable as a family or will Paxton be split off if you want to adopt him, especially if you agree to keep him in touch with his siblings?  

That's presuming you'd take steps to adopt him if the opportunity arose...


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## Murrmurr (Nov 7, 2022)

StarSong said:


> If the kids are released for adoption do you think they will be only adoptable as a family or will Paxton be split off if you want to adopt him, especially if you agree to keep him in touch with his siblings?
> 
> That's presuming you'd take steps to adopt him if the opportunity arose...


Well, I'm married now and we just bought a 3br house with a nice backyard, so I would def adopt all 3. They've lived together for 2yrs now, and their gramma says they're tight, especially the 2 boys. In fact, little bro screams his head off whenever mom comes down hard on Paxton.

That said, I'd love it if they went to a younger, more energetic couple who really, really want them and want them to grow up to be decent, well-educated people. Those people are out there...lots of them. But people shy away from adopting kids over age 18-months-old through CPS. Those people know these kids are damaged and need professional counseling. So, yeah, Meesh and I would adopt them if CPS didn't find a match within that 2 or 3 months. Meanwhile, they would allow the kids to visit us several times. Every adoption candidate gets visitation.

Also, Starsong, if someone else adopts them and it's an open adoption, we can request being included on the Extended Family list and it's extremely likely CPS would do that. So, we could visit them and write them, send gifts, receive pictures...basically keep in touch just like a family member.


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## StarSong (Nov 7, 2022)

@Murrmurr, I will keep a prayer and good thought that this works out well for all concerned.


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## Kika (Nov 7, 2022)

I really hope this ends well for all concerned, especially the children.
And that you have a good chance to adopt them if that is what you want to do .


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## Chet (Nov 7, 2022)

Too bad you can't pick your relatives. It's a mess.


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## Pinky (Nov 10, 2022)

I hope the courts get this straight, for all concerned.
It's time these kids got to live a normal life.


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## fuzzybuddy (Nov 12, 2022)

I found out that you can't "fix" people.


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## Murrmurr (Nov 12, 2022)

fuzzybuddy said:


> I found out that you can't "fix" people.


Nope, and you shouldn't even waste the energy. I was always kind to Paxton's mom while he lived with me, even though we didn't see much of her, and she never expressed an ounce of gratitude that her son was fed, safe and comfortable (and loved to smithereens), but I knew what kind of person she was, _and always will be_.


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## Jace (Nov 12, 2022)

@Murrmurr...is there A Legal Aid 'group'.  Here they're called Society..
In your area? That you could get one...
They offer free legal...there may be one that specializes in your problem 
And..has sympathy for your cause.
It may be "worth a try"


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## Murrmurr (Nov 12, 2022)

Jace said:


> @Murrmurr...is there A Legal Aid 'group'.  Here they're called Society..
> In your area? That you could get one...
> They offer free legal...there may be one that specializes in your problem
> And..has sympathy for your cause.
> It may be "worth a try"


I can contact my son's attorney if I need to. He does financial planning, primarily, but he studied family law to get where he's at. He could recommend someone at the very least. Naturally, CPS and the state family court have to abide by Calif law, but unfortunately, those laws are excruciatingly vague, and that results in a lot of mistakes ("misinterpretations") and too much leniency for bio-parents.

I'm kind of rambling.... 

bottom line: Paxton and the twins are currently in foster care, safe from mom. I have requested visitation, but because I'm not a blood-relative the caseworker has to file some things on my behalf first, and she has 3 months to complete that task. If she hasn't even started within 14 days, I can file my request directly with the court.

However, Paxton's father told me the next court date is the 17th. I think I should be there, so I'm gonna contact that attorney on Monday.


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## Jace (Nov 12, 2022)

Murrmurr said:


> think I should be there, so I'm gonna contact that attorney on Monday.


"That's a plan"! Good Luck!


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