# Is Anyone Living Independently on Their Own in Their Senior Years?



## SeaBreeze (Jul 7, 2014)

Is anyone in a situation where maybe your spouse passed on, and you're completely on your own with no help from relatives, children, etc.?   I think many older people make it okay living alone in their homes in their golden years.  I sometimes talk with my husband about if one of us died, since we have no children or relatives close by to help if needed.  We'd have to make the decision to have someone come in from the outside to help with chores, housework, personal help if we were physically unable.  My worst fear is being mentally disabled, like suffering with Alzheimer's, guess someone would come in and make that decision for me, and put me in a home.   Anyone having to do this, and is living comfortably and independently on their own?


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## Falcon (Jul 7, 2014)

I have the best of both worlds.  House paid for a long time ago; excellent monthly income (retirement
pension + Soc. Sec.)

I'm in excellent health and have a former Miss Maryland living here with me. She's a good cook and

housekeeper and still so gorgeous I can't keep my eyes off of her.  She makes a great "trophy" date
when we go out.  She's about 20 years younger and takes good care of me.


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## SeaBreeze (Jul 7, 2014)

Thanks for the reply Falcon, you're a lucky man!


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## rkunsaw (Jul 8, 2014)

My wife and I are in the same situation, SeaBreeze.  WE have children, but they are either far away or don't want to be bothered with us. If one of us dies the other will probably move to a smaller place but will still be on our own.


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## SeaBreeze (Jul 8, 2014)

It's too bad that your kids aren't there for you guys, but I hear that a lot these days.   I envy your lifestyle, living in a place that is remote and away from the city, and with some property, etc.  I imagine continuing alone in that situation would be much harder, especially for your wife.  We live in the suburbs, so we only have a back and front lawn to care for, and a small ranch style home.  We love it here though, with the open wildlife area behind us, it's as good as it gets for being so close to the city.  Both of us would do our best to stay in our house until the end...hoping that's possible.


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## zogburr (Sep 8, 2014)

Hello,

I am 75 and my wife is 68 and we are in good health.    We have no children, but I have a niece and her four kids that live near us.  We have both lost most of our hearing and the few friends we have live out-of-state.   But there is no one we can rely on as a care giver.    My wife has about $908,000 in Long Term care insurance.   I have about $108,000, so we are in good shape insurance wise.    If my wife died first, I would not want to be alone, so I would move to an Independent Living facility where the cost would be in the $3,000 a month range.   My wife would probably follow suit if I were to go first.    We have decent savings and income so we can find a good place.    The point being, we knew we might be alone someday so we made plans for that eventuality.


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## Lee (Sep 9, 2014)

It's not something you want to think about but you should. Hubby and I have a 14 year age difference and he is not in the best of health. I am still able to take care of the house and yard work but admit to being an absolute idiot on thinks such as electrical panels and plumbing. 

Fortunately we have good friends here in our small park and if one doesn't know another does. We all seem to get by.

The one thing that does bother me is the choosing of a power of attorney, and what would happen to the two cats should we both die together, say as in a car accident. I have no kids and hubby's kids .....let's just say the only reason they would stick around for a funeral would be to find out when the will is read. A surprise there....grin


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## ClassicRockr (Sep 9, 2014)

Well, wife and I are *HOPING* that we will go at the same time, or very close to the same time. However it would happen. If we were to go separately, don't know what the other would do.......we are THAT close in our love for each other. She tells me "I'd be totally lost without you" and I feel the exact same way. We are only a year and a half apart in age, so age wouldn't be a factor for us. Both of us in pretty good health, for being Diabetic II's. I will have an upcoming RC surgery (in Nov) that we both hopes turns out fine. BTW, no kids. 

This is somewhat of a good thing to think about, but could be so darn depressing!


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## Vivjen (Sep 9, 2014)

I have lived on my own for seven years.
both boys are in touch regularly, but have families of their own, and are useless at DIY!
i can still do nearly everything myself; but use professionals if I can't!
i have a few very close friends, two cats, my own house, and enough money...so I have a lot to be thankful for.


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## Lon (Sep 9, 2014)

I sold my large home earlier this year, turned 80 in July and am living alone in a very nice two bedroom two bath apartment. I do my own cooking and cleaning at this point , but who knows, at some point in the future I may need some one to come in to clean. Fortunately I can afford assistance later on if I need it. Daughter, married grand children are fairly close by.


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## MaggieJewel (Sep 15, 2014)

I am 60 years old, in very good health, and have a sufficient (moderate) income from pensions.  My late husband died 7 years ago. I live in a 55+ condominium community in Florida, USA.  It is like an apartment that is mine.  My (in their early 40's) children are busy with their own lives so I don't hear from them often (but know if I REALLY needed them they would be there for me).  I primarily rely on my cat, computer, and Television for company at home and have a circle of close friends that I interact with daily that have become "family".  I have lived here for 5 years and am surrounded by others that are pretty much in the same boat as I am.  We help one another as we can and share contacts for reliable help for things that we can't do ourselves.  It is a teamwork proposition where we do what we can for each other.  All in all, a nice situation considering the loneliness of not having that one special person in your life anymore.


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## Bullie76 (Sep 15, 2014)

I've lived on my own since my college days so nothing new about it for me now. I have thought about what it will be like when I'm too old to care for myself. I do have a nephew who is smart and will be glad to help handle my finances when I'm no longer able to do so. He lives in another town so his help will be limited. I don't want or expect relatives to alter their lives to take care of me anyway.

I hope to continue living on my own for as long as I can. Obviously we all do. But I don't think I will have a problem with living in a retirement complex or assisted living facility. There is one in my town that is very nice. You basically have an apartment and you get all your meals there if you want that. They have shuttles taking you to stores and doctors as needed. Not cheap but not a bad way to spend your last couple of years.


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## QuickSilver (Sep 19, 2014)

I worry about this.   I'm in good health and my hubby is still with me.. but what if?   Down the road, I may be alone.  I have Sons, but I don't think I could every rely on either of them to look after me.  I could lay there and the cats would eat me before they checked.. I'm sure.   So.. I have to plan for that.  I may have to go through their inheritance paying for my own care, but that's the way it goes.


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## Debby (Sep 21, 2014)

SeaBreeze said:


> Is anyone in a situation where maybe your spouse passed on, and you're completely on your own with no help from relatives, children, etc.?   I think many older people make it okay living alone in their homes in their golden years.  I sometimes talk with my husband about if one of us died, since we have no children or relatives close by to help if needed.  We'd have to make the decision to have someone come in from the outside to help with chores, housework, personal help if we were physically unable.  My worst fear is being mentally disabled, like suffering with Alzheimer's, guess someone would come in and make that decision for me, and put me in a home.   Anyone having to do this, and is living comfortably and independently on their own?




I've wondered about how all of that gets handled too.  Not so much for myself or my husband because we have two daughters, but because one of my daughters has chosen to not have kids.  In the end, it will be just her.  How do you arrange to take care of yourself in those last days if you're alone?  Good question.


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## Debby (Sep 22, 2014)

QuickSilver said:


> I worry about this.   I'm in good health and my hubby is still with me.. but what if?   Down the road, I may be alone.  I have Sons, but I don't think I could every rely on either of them to look after me.  I could lay there and the cats would eat me before they checked.. I'm sure.   So.. I have to plan for that.  I may have to go through their inheritance paying for my own care, but that's the way it goes.




Can I make a little suggestion QuickSilver?  Quit thinking of it as 'their inheritance' and especially if they are that uninvolved in your life.  It's your money and what's left (when you die) is their inheritance.  So don't feel bad about spending YOUR money to take care of YOURSELF.


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## jujube (Oct 21, 2014)

There are going to be a lot of us in the coming years who HAVE children, but can't expect any help from them.  Right now, my boyfriend and I both have elderly mothers still around but not living in the area.  Mine is still independent but needs quite a bit of monetary help and I have to go take care of her when she has surgery, etc.   His is still living by herself at 92, but with outside help.  She shouldn't be living by herself as she has some serious medical problems, but the only way we'd get her out of her house and into assisted living would be feet-first - lol.   She lives four states away and constantly calls with concerns and things he can't do anything about at that very moment.  My mom is such a social butterfly at 90, I can't even get in touch with her some days.   I can tell you that neither one of us have any illusions that there will be any monetary help or living support coming from OUR respective offspring if we need it down the line.   I think the chain of "taking-care-of-your-parents" has been broken.


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## Debby (Oct 24, 2014)

jujube said:


> There are going to be a lot of us in the coming years who HAVE children, but can't expect any help from them.  Right now, my boyfriend and I both have elderly mothers still around but not living in the area.  Mine is still independent but needs quite a bit of monetary help and I have to go take care of her when she has surgery, etc.   His is still living by herself at 92, but with outside help.  She shouldn't be living by herself as she has some serious medical problems, but the only way we'd get her out of her house and into assisted living would be feet-first - lol.   She lives four states away and constantly calls with concerns and things he can't do anything about at that very moment.  My mom is such a social butterfly at 90, I can't even get in touch with her some days.   I can tell you that neither one of us have any illusions that there will be any monetary help or living support coming from OUR respective offspring if we need it down the line.   I think the chain of "taking-care-of-your-parents" has been broken.




It's comforting to hear that you have moms who are doing well at 90 and are still active.  Do each of them live in some kind of assisted living facility and who do they have to help them with their finances?  Like if you're kids aren't there for you, who does one get to oversee that kind of stuff?  I've never been one for asking for help for anything so I'd hope to go it alone but there's the issue of finances so what to do?


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## jujube (Oct 24, 2014)

Debby said:


> It's comforting to hear that you have moms who are doing well at 90 and are still active.  Do each of them live in some kind of assisted living facility and who do they have to help them with their finances?  Like if you're kids aren't there for you, who does one get to oversee that kind of stuff?  I've never been one for asking for help for anything so I'd hope to go it alone but there's the issue of finances so what to do?



No, both of them live in their homes.  Mine lives about seven hours from me, is VERY independent, has a very full life, and is financially savvy but doesn't have enough income to live on, so one of us pays her utilities, one pays her home and cell phone and cable bill, one sends her a set amount each month and the other one pays for things like a new water heater, etc.    She has had a couple of surgeries and has to have someone there until she's back on her feet again.  Another sister and I take turns doing that.  She has firm plans to live to one hundred and I believe she will.  When and if the time comes that she HAS to go into some sort of assisted living, I expect a huge fight on our hands.  She says she will not come to live with us and to just bury her in the front yard - lol.  

 His mother also still lives in her home and we have a lady who comes in a couple days a week to clean and drive her to doctor appointments. Other than that, she doesn't leave the house.  She also has neighbors and friends who are very helpful.  She's almost blind, uses a walker and only takes nutrition through a stomach tube but gets around the house fine.  He is her financial fiduciary and takes care of her bills and handles her income. She has more than adequate income to live on, thank goodness.  She DOESN'T want to live to be a hundred, but she probably will.   He talks to her daily and we go up there whenever needed (a 12-hour drive).  Like my mom, she refuses to consider moving to an assisted living facility, although she really needs to.  

We both have power of attorney so we can handle anything that arises.


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## tnthomas (Oct 24, 2014)

Debby said:


> Can I make a little suggestion QuickSilver?  Quit thinking of it as 'their inheritance' and especially if they are that uninvolved in your life.  It's your money and what's left (when you die) is their inheritance.  So don't feel bad about spending YOUR money to take care of YOURSELF.


+1
You beat me to it.


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## Ameriscot (Oct 25, 2014)

I have thought about what I would do if my husband died first.  My kids and family are across the pond.  I love where we live but I couldn't handle taking care of this big garden, doing any maintenance on the house (which is quite a bit since it's 87 years old), and due to it's location and knowing myself I'd be in danger of becoming a depressed hermit.  So I'd sell the house and move into a flat somewhere in a smallish town where I could walk to nearby senior activities. If I was older, maybe 80ish, I might move into sheltered housing.


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## AprilT (Oct 25, 2014)

I live independently, I have a daughter, and though we've tried living in the same home to just state, we've even discussed the matter again in recent weeks.  Something she wants way more than I, the thought of being left in her care gives me visions of "Whatever Happened To Baby Jane". I'm not kidding.  So a nursing home it will be if if I loose all my abilities, hopefully, death will meet me first if I am not able to bath or do the basic care for self.  There was a time long ago, before my nephew starting having a larger family that he offered me to move in with him and his wife and one kid, he lives in NY and I really didn't want to move back up north to have to endure the cold, though sometimes I regret not having taken him up on the offer, but that ship has sailed, long ago, I rarely if ever hear from him anymore, though, the wife does like my likes on FB.    My best friend whom is dealing with her life own issues, has all the instructions as to what to do about my care and body should the time come.  I just have to hurry up and get all the signed paperwork in order and send copies to family making sure I tell them I will haunt them every moment they breath there after if they interfere with my wishes.  :zombie::xbone::smug1:  

If it's just the minor day to day avoiding small matters, as in how my life is now, I would prefer a Golden girls type set up.  I've always enjoyed the housemate setup, I've shared living quarters with my best friend or friends or acquaintances in the past, almost always good experiences.  I'm not old enough for most senior complexes, but I am looking into 55 and older properties which out hear are few and far between, most are for 62 and older and I have a number of years before I catch up to my body to hit that mark.  LOL.  I've just started my fifth year at my present residence and am looking forward to moving.


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## Debby (Oct 29, 2014)

jujube said:


> No, both of them live in their homes.  Mine lives about seven hours from me, is VERY independent, has a very full life, and is financially savvy but doesn't have enough income to live on, so one of us pays her utilities, one pays her home and cell phone and cable bill, one sends her a set amount each month and the other one pays for things like a new water heater, etc.    She has had a couple of surgeries and has to have someone there until she's back on her feet again.  Another sister and I take turns doing that.  She has firm plans to live to one hundred and I believe she will.  When and if the time comes that she HAS to go into some sort of assisted living, I expect a huge fight on our hands.  She says she will not come to live with us and to just bury her in the front yard - lol.
> 
> His mother also still lives in her home and we have a lady who comes in a couple days a week to clean and drive her to doctor appointments. Other than that, she doesn't leave the house.  She also has neighbors and friends who are very helpful.  She's almost blind, uses a walker and only takes nutrition through a stomach tube but gets around the house fine.  He is her financial fiduciary and takes care of her bills and handles her income. She has more than adequate income to live on, thank goodness.  She DOESN'T want to live to be a hundred, but she probably will.   He talks to her daily and we go up there whenever needed (a 12-hour drive).  Like my mom, she refuses to consider moving to an assisted living facility, although she really needs to.
> 
> We both have power of attorney so we can handle anything that arises.




It sounds like your situations with your parents is kind of the same as mine.  My mom is a six hour flight from me.  Mind you she's still climbing trees (at 79!) to prune them and rebuilding her raised garden beds by herself, but her day will come.  She just got a letter advising her that next year, she'll have to take a drivers test to renew her license.  She's having trouble accepting that I think.

Your mom sounds like she's got a determined streak (and practical? - just dig a hole in the yard!)  As for your husbands mom, well just goes to show that aging can be a pain eh?  Too bad we don't have a secret on/off switch and on our 85th birthday, it sort of miraculously becomes visible and then we can have the option of hanging in there ......  or flicking the switch when we're fed up!


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## oakapple (Nov 2, 2014)

If you are married or living with somebody, you need to be practical when they die [or you do] as you are unlikely to die at the same time [though it's a possibility, plane, car etc.]We may all be alone at some point in life, and quite a few of you are already.I shall stay where I am if I am on my own [as long as possible.]I like the village, my grown up children live locally, but I would not want to live with them.I need independence and my own space. It's hard to see the future, and we have to meet what comes, when it comes.


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## Butterfly (Nov 8, 2014)

I live independently on my own (with my two big ol' doggies) and I like it.


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## Vala (Dec 7, 2014)

My Dad died in a car wreck in 1960 it was very traumatic for everyone.  I started planning right then what I would do if that happened to me.  I had two boys, one a newborn and one 3 years old.  I planned to stay home and take care of them, until they were both in school, then get some kind of training for a job.   I planned to have our home paid for because I knew how important it was to have as few bills as possible.  I have been planning my life ever since.   When my husband died, I made my final arrangements and put POD on my bank accounts and TOD on my home and car, no will or attorney's to take money from the heir.  My attorney was very impressed with my decisions and he made out a bill of sale for the contents of the home and anything else I might accumulate.  I probably should not say this but will anyway,  I also planned my death if I should have a terminal disease.    I discussed this with my doctor and he still took me on as a patient.  He  accepted the fact that I won't do anything to prolong my life.  I order a book called "Final Exit".   I have no family in my city that I care about so no one to care for me.


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## Butterfly (Dec 9, 2014)

The TOD and POD route is so much better, and avoids probate.  I've done the same thing.

And, as someone else up thread said, I don't think about "my kids' inheritance."    If there's $$ left when I'm gone, fine.  If not, then that's the way it is.  I"m not spending it on wild trips to the French Riviera, but I'll spend what I need to live comfortably on.


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## Vala (Dec 9, 2014)

Good for you Butterfly.  I talked to my accountant about my plans to spend down to X amount of dollars, after thinking about it she said you will be fine with that.  She was my neighbor for 25 years and my accountant for most of those years.


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## shedevil7953 (Dec 9, 2014)

What is TOD and POD please?


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## Vala (Dec 9, 2014)

TOD is transfer on death for property and autos, POD is pay on death for for money, cds, etc.  The heir takes a death certificate in and the money is transferred to that person.  If the moneys are not tax deferred  there are no taxes to be paid at that time.


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## Josiah (Dec 11, 2014)

I would like to move to a retirement community because I feel the opportunities to socialize would be significantly better than where I am currently living. I'd also like a place with organized fitness programs. Most of the retirement communities expect you to eat at least one meal in the community dining room. But this is a big problem for me. I take my diet VERY seriously, low carb, organic veggies, no processed foods, no wheat, no sugar, bone broth, only wild caught fish, only pasture raised beef. . . .yeah I'm a real nut case. I'm sure there are other seniors as weird as I am about food, but as of the present I don't know of any suitable arrangements.


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## Vala (Dec 12, 2014)

Josiah, you are missing out on so much, Pizza, pizza, pizza.............and cheese burgers.


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## Josiah (Dec 12, 2014)

Vala said:


> Josiah, you are missing out on so much, Pizza, pizza, pizza.............and cheese burgers.


The very strict diet I'm on could in the hands of a very good cook still be remarkably satisfying and tasty. I'm not a good cook, barely a competent one. What I have done is to hire a woman who is pretty good in the kitchen to prepare meals for me which are compliant with my diet. This has worked out reasonably well. Vala, I don't have many virtues and missing out on junk food is about all I have to hang my hat on.


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## birdman (Jan 10, 2015)

Even if you have decent kids, odds are they are going to be too busy to attend to your needs and check in on you very often - even if they have good intentions. They will try, but it's not the frequency / close monitoring that someone unable to care for themselves needs.


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## Denise1952 (Jan 10, 2015)

SeaBreeze said:


> Is anyone in a situation where maybe your spouse passed on, and you're completely on your own with no help from relatives, children, etc.?   I think many older people make it okay living alone in their homes in their golden years.  I sometimes talk with my husband about if one of us died, since we have no children or relatives close by to help if needed.  We'd have to make the decision to have someone come in from the outside to help with chores, housework, personal help if we were physically unable.  My worst fear is being mentally disabled, like suffering with Alzheimer's, guess someone would come in and make that decision for me, and put me in a home.   Anyone having to do this, and is living comfortably and independently on their own?



I will be on my own soon.  I am staying with my sis just temporarily.  I am used to being alone, and I know I can get through things now.  It's scarey sometimes, but usually I just know I have to face things as they come.  I don't worry much.  The thing that scares me worse than anything is losing people I care about.  I make friends/acquaintances easily, and I am moving where there will be lots of friends.  I guess I think I'll live forever and my friends will all go before me.  I did ok in my life and have enough to live on, and since I am not materialistic anyway, it's been easy to adjust to low income  I like not having a bunch of "stuff".  Just so I can up and go if I want  I really think I come from a long line of gypsies hugs, denise


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## Josiah (Jan 10, 2015)

I live alone in a very large house out of which I continue to operate a business selling collectible books. The house is also loaded with antiques and pieces of art inherited through my wife's family. I hope to divest all of this in the next year or so and move into a small apartment. I would like to relocate to an different location but this will entail moving my wife from the nursing home she now resides in to another facility. This is all doable, I just have to get my ass in gear and do it.


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## Denise1952 (Jan 10, 2015)

At least you have those choices goin on Josiah!  I found my place I want to retire right through Senior Forums, another member  People I know here in my home area give me a hard time and say, "why" "you won't know anyone there", or, you don't know the area.  If people like where they are, wonderful!!  But there are options for us, we just need to research it and like you said, get off our ass and do it

I love where I'm going, more sunshine, less rain, I will have a beautiful apartment with all I need (and it has solar panels, yeehaw) a wonderful town to explore with tons of activities for seniors (they say it's a senior town!!).  Ok, gettin way too excited, but I can't let people drag me down and say, oh you should do this or that.  Preconceived ideas of what we can and can't do, bs to that

one more thing, it's on a Lake, and I LOVE to kayak, and have one.  The Lake is 3 blocks from where I'll be living


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## Happyflowerlady (Jan 10, 2015)

Denise, I think that it is wonderful that you have found the place where you want to live, and even though you don't know anyone there yet; it sounds like just the kind of a place where you will be able to make friends with other seniors living in the area. maybe even one with a kayak ? 
I really enjoyed my kayak when I had one, so I know how much fun they can be. 
At one time, I also had one of those little  square blue pedal boats, and it was great for fishing. I pedaled it with my feet, and actually steered with the pedals, too; so it was easy to have the fishing pole and pedal along and fish. Sometimes, I would catch a nice Kokanee for dinner, and that was even better ! 
Today, I was thinking about the little square pedal boat, and looking them up online, and they have stream-lined them to look like a regular boat, and they now go farther and faster than the old ones, and some are designed for just one person. 
Of course, we are not even going to talk about the price of one of these awesome pedal boats. 
Just say, on my income, it might just as well be a yacht.


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## Denise1952 (Jan 11, 2015)

OHMYgosh, isn't it so cool HFL!!  I loved your story, and the best part of getting to use one of these types, is the leg exercise!!  I hear you on the dough though, lol, my kayak is a cheapy handed down to me by my sister's boyfriend at the time  I don't know how I'll store it where I'm going (apartments with little storage you know) but I may get to keep it, who knows.  The Lake has a lot of public access, unlike some that are all bought up by homeowners.  Seems they've managed to maintain areas for everyone, love that.  You can be sure I'll be at the city meetings etc.  I don't think there is even a Mall there, hope not

Anyway, I know it won't all be perfect, but it is atleast a real opportunity, and yes, the best part will be the other seniors, especially my friends that live down there, and the people I will meet in my building hugs, denise


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## Raven (Jan 11, 2015)

Sounds good Denise and you will make friends quickly because you come across as a very
friendly and outgoing person here on the forum.
How far is it from your sister's home and when do you think you will be moving, if you don't mind
me asking.


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## Denise1952 (Jan 11, 2015)

You know what's funny about that little paddle boat, is I can just see me out there with all those lovely sailboats, LOL!!  Since this book I'm reading that has an amateur sleuth, and she says LOL stands for little old lady, LOL, I'm thinking, little old lady coming in paddle boat, get the hell outa my way, LOLLLLLL!!


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## Denise1952 (Jan 11, 2015)

Raven said:


> Sounds good Denise and you will make friends quickly because you come across as a very
> friendly and outgoing person here on the forum.
> How far is it from your sister's home and when do you think you will be moving, if you don't mind
> me asking.



Hi Raven,

Yes, I'll be 8 hours from my sis.  We don't have a lot in common and rarely do things together.  She has her thing and I have mine.  We can't care for each other if one gets sick so that isn't feasible to think about.  So, I am not concerned about moving from my home-area.  My family is spread out, and we rarely gather together.  We enjoy each other most, at a distance

Not sure on the move date just yet hugs, denise

PS to anyone in the thread reading this, I have it all set up with some folks in Alaska for when I can't take care of myself any longer.  They will put me on an iceberg, and give me a shove.  If I can get internet, I will login and say hey


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## Raven (Jan 11, 2015)

Denise, I wish you all the best in your move.
Keep us up to date as you have a lot of friends here who are interested in your 
daily goings on and  in the new location and surroundings when you get there.

Brrrrr, it looks very cold on that iceberg.
  :winter1:


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## Denise1952 (Jan 11, 2015)

Raven said:


> Denise, I wish you all the best in your move.
> Keep us up to date as you have a lot of friends here who are interested in your
> daily goings on and  in the new location and surroundings when you get there.
> 
> ...



LOL, I'll keep you guys posted  It's going to be quite a journey at this age, things use to be so simple for me but now, well, quite an adventure, but I really can't wait  When I think of "my song" or the one that fits me best I always think of "Still Crazy after all These Years" LOL


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## DoItMyself (Feb 7, 2015)

My dad is 94, still lives on the farm, still works harder that a lot of younger people, and still is very independent.  My mother passed away last summer.

Most of the land is now leased out, but he maintains a few acres, runs a dozen or so head of cattle, works on equipment, mows, and does all the other farm "chores" as needed.  He needs help with paperwork type things-he's never had a head for paperwork so now my wife and I are helping him manage finances, explaining the bills that need to be paid, etc.  That was all stuff my mother took care of before she died.  Occasionally he uses a cane because of an ankle injury many years ago.  

I wouldn't even consider asking him if he wants to "retire".  It's a word that isn't in his vocabulary, and he truly loves what he's doing.  My guess is that if for some reason he couldn't keep working like he does, he'd fade away pretty fast.


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## rporter610 (Feb 7, 2015)

Like some of you, I live alone, relying on a cat and a dog for company, and the internet and TV for entertainment.  I have been alone since 1992, and at first it was hard, but I got used to it.  But now that I am nearly 70, I am starting to lose some mobility and endurance.  I can't work 8 hours or 10 hours a day like I used to a few years ago, and it's hard for me to do the yard work and other chores around the house.  Fortunately, when I built this house I got steel siding and a steel roof so there isn't any maintenance like painting. 

 Where I live, there aren't any teenage boys I can hire to do the yard work, shovel snow, or carry groceries in, so I do it myself.  I've had an eye on moving into town and getting an apartment, but after four years of trying, I'm still unable to sell my home (the market here is TERRIBLE).  I've spent a lot of time worrying about this, but since I can't solve this problem, I've had to let it go. 

  I have long-term care insurance, but I expect that heart disease will get me rather than a disabling condition that's longer-lasting. My daughter and I have advance health care directives naming each other, and I have signed a power of attorney for her that my lawyer keeps in his office, should I become incapacitated.  My most serious issue is the health of my ex, part of whose pensions I receive while he is living.  When he goes, I will be up the creek without a paddle.


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## Denise1952 (Feb 7, 2015)

DoItMyself said:


> My dad is 94, still lives on the farm, still works harder that a lot of younger people, and still is very independent.  My mother passed away last summer.
> 
> Most of the land is now leased out, but he maintains a few acres, runs a dozen or so head of cattle, works on equipment, mows, and does all the other farm "chores" as needed.  He needs help with paperwork type things-he's never had a head for paperwork so now my wife and I are helping him manage finances, explaining the bills that need to be paid, etc.  That was all stuff my mother took care of before she died.  Occasionally he uses a cane because of an ankle injury many years ago.
> 
> I wouldn't even consider asking him if he wants to "retire".  It's a word that isn't in his vocabulary, and he truly loves what he's doing.  My guess is that if for some reason he couldn't keep working like he does, he'd fade away pretty fast.



Geesh, too bad he and Alice, my friend that's 94, don't hook up.  They sound like they were separated at birth.  She own 400 acres over in my hometown area where she has a neat huge house.  She still gets in her jeep and patrols the property, check things out  She's really lovely too, she is tall, slim and beautiful white hair she keeps shoulder length in a perm  Staying active sure makes a difference, good for your dad too


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 7, 2015)

DoItMyself said:


> My dad is 94, still lives on the farm, still works harder that a lot of younger people, and still is very independent.  My mother passed away last summer.
> 
> Most of the land is now leased out, but he maintains a few acres, runs a dozen or so head of cattle, works on equipment, mows, and does all the other farm "chores" as needed.  He needs help with paperwork type things-he's never had a head for paperwork so now my wife and I are helping him manage finances, explaining the bills that need to be paid, etc.  That was all stuff my mother took care of before she died.  Occasionally he uses a cane because of an ankle injury many years ago.
> 
> I wouldn't even consider asking him if he wants to "retire".  It's a word that isn't in his vocabulary, and he truly loves what he's doing.  My guess is that if for some reason he couldn't keep working like he does, he'd fade away pretty fast.



It sounds like your father is doing very well at the age of 94, that's wonderful.  My condolences to both of you for the loss of your mother.  It is good if you're working for yourself too, as opposed to punching a clock and working for a stranger.  I wish your Dad the best in his future, kudos to you and your wife for helping him out now that he's alone. :love_heart:


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## LogicsHere (Feb 8, 2015)

I have a similar attitude as you Debby when it comes to one's money. I have no children, but I have a niece and a nephew. I hear from my nephew once every 5 to 7 years and my niece only when she needs money. I used to think about leaving them something, but since they have never treated me like an aunt at all, will use whatever I have earned/saved over the years to pay for my own care. Anything left I will donate to St Judes or for Alzheimer's research.


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## Denise1952 (Feb 8, 2015)

LogicsHere said:


> I have a similar attitude as you Debby when it comes to one's money. I have no children, but I have a niece and a nephew. I hear from my nephew once every 5 to 7 years and my niece only when she needs money. I used to think about leaving them something, but since they have never treated me like an aunt at all, will use whatever I have earned/saved over the years to pay for my own care. Anything left I will donate to St Judes or for Alzheimer's research.



I'm glad to hear that logics, I couldn't agree with you more


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## Sunny (Feb 8, 2015)

I've been living on my own for nearly 5 years, since my husband died. We have three children and six grandkids, living spread out all over the U.S. When we retired (in our 50's), we moved from Maryland to the Pacific Northwest, which we had fallen in love with. None of our children were within 1000 miles. We happily lived there for 18 years. When my husband became disabled, we realized we had to live near one of our kids, so we decided to return to Maryland. We moved to Leisure World, a 55+ community for independent seniors - not "assisted living," just limited to seniors. It's suburban and very nicely landscaped, built around a golf course. There are tons of activities here, and a big variety of houses and apartments to choose from. I've been glad to have the support network of all my friends here, and my son is about 20 minutes away. It is possible to manage by oneself in a planned community like this, even without children, but obviously his being here and his willingness to help make it a lot easier for me. I do get to see my daughters fairly often also. 

One thing everyone should have is long term care insurance. No one likes to think about needing care near the end of life, but many people do, and in this country, it's horrendously expensive. If you don't have it, look into getting it.


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## ancient mariner (Apr 19, 2018)

I was in Boulevard Deli the other day getting the newspaper and woman in line ahead of me turned to me and said: "I have my cable tv, my dog, some beer and cigarettes... What else do I need?"  Hmmmmmm.


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## ClassicRockr (Apr 19, 2018)

ancient mariner said:


> I was in Boulevard Deli the other day getting the newspaper and woman in line ahead of me turned to me and said: "I have my cable tv, my dog, some beer and cigarettes... What else do I need?"  Hmmmmmm.



Well, sure glad I stopped smoking years ago. Actually, I didn't smoke enough to have a problem quitting. A pack and a half a week, most smokers wouldn't even call that smoking (LOL). Even though I had already stopped when I met my wife, she was ecstatic to know that I had quit before meeting her. 

The beer........neither of us can go without having some Bud Light in the frig, especially during the summer here. Sitting on a boat tied up to a dock and enjoying a can of beer, just seem to go together. 

No dog, but perhaps in the future after we move.


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## ancient mariner (Apr 19, 2018)

I'm glad I no longer live on a boat and I'm glad I don't live in a trailer.


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## ClassicRockr (Apr 19, 2018)

ancient mariner said:


> I'm glad I no longer live on a boat and I'm glad I don't live in a trailer.




We don't live on our boat, just use it for cruising around local river.


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## Victor (Apr 20, 2018)

Yes I am, totally, always have and will.
Taking care of myself is a part-time job.


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## debbie in seattle (Apr 20, 2018)

Interesting.......I am currently facing the fact my husband will be gone in 90 days or just a month or two longer.   He has Mesothelioma.    It’s really scary for me, but on the other hand, a new ‘adventure’, wanted or not.   Currently live in Seattle and if my plans go as I want, plan on moving to Arizona (one of my kids lives there).   I could view all of this as scary, sad and depressing, but have decided it’s not how it should be.  Wish me luck!


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 20, 2018)

debbie in seattle said:


> Interesting.......I am currently facing the fact my husband will be gone in 90 days or just a month or two longer.   He has Mesothelioma.    It’s really scary for me, but on the other hand, a new ‘adventure’, wanted or not.   Currently live in Seattle and if my plans go as I want, plan on moving to Arizona (one of my kids lives there).   I could view all of this as scary, sad and depressing, but have decided it’s not how it should be.  Wish me luck!



Debbie, my heart goes out to you in all you've been dealing with and are facing right now.  I can't even imagine being in the situation that you are in with your husband.  I really admire you for your strength in keeping it all together and taking care of everything.  The fact that you're facing what may be coming in the near future with such a positive attitude is really impressive.  I do wish you luck, and wish you well through all this and beyond.....hugs. :sentimental:


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## BobF (Apr 21, 2018)

Debbie, sorry to hear of your situation.   It seems that you have a good idea put together.    To me Arizona is much better climate and place to live than in Seattle.    Of course Arizona offers many climates to live in.   High altitude around the Flagstaff area and for plenty of northern Arizona.   Mid level areas of about 5,000 foot altitude in the Phoenix area.   Then below Phoenix level the land will be more towards 3,000 foot and you will have gone below the areas of trees out into the desert style of living with Cactus and palm trees.

I really liked most of  Arizona and am sorry I ever left to move to Ohio.    Planning on moving back to Arizona, at least for the winter months.   Life is quite a journey for many of us.

Best too you for the coming times.


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## JB in SC (Apr 21, 2018)

My mother lived alone in a three bedroom house from her mid eighties when my dad died, until she required some in home help at 94. She was quite active until her body wore out. Attitude and spunk have a lot to do with how well folks cope.


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## needshave (Aug 23, 2018)

A sad story in some respects;

I'm 68, married, own a small business and volunteer for the meals on wheels program. I deliver meals to clients three times a week and have others take over my responsibility when I'm away from the business. 

The clients get meals every day, I deliver three of those days. I have three different routes and each route has on the average 15 clients. OF the approximate 45 clients that I deliver to, only three are not living alone. The rest are all living alone, excluding pets, in there own homes. Their age range from 50 years old to a 96-year-old WWII veteran. I talk with each and every one of them and have each sign for their meal delivery. Many want to talk and talk, I try to take as much time as I can without making sure the next client is waiting for their meal. If we see something out of the ordinary or if I cannot get anyone to answer the phone or door we call the office and they call the necessary people to check on the client. Sometimes I'm the only person they will see all day. We do provide help with residence repairs when needed for handrails to provide a safe entryway, clean out gutters, etc. all of us are volunteers. Additional assistance is possible for the winter months when heating costs become difficult for the client.

Sometimes its very difficult to see the living conditions and we try to help with that. We also provide pet food at times when we feel the client is giving up their meal for the pet. It all comes from eyes on personal experience with the customer.

But to answer your question, all of these people are living independently and that's what they want. We just try to help a bit.


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## katlupe (Jun 13, 2021)

I know this is an old thread but I was just nosying around and got me to thinking. I am alone but have a son who is disabled and I am the one looking out for him. Not the other way around. He is my main concern when something happens to me. I have a brother who is not one to care for or think about anyone but himself. So he would not be someone I could trust. My boyfriend will most likely not outlive me. If so, he could possibly watch out for my son, at least he'd try. 

My counselor from the office of the aging mentioned that adult protective services will help people in those situations. They try to keep you living on your own as much as possible. They are the agency I have used to get an aide to help me here in my apartment. I have a list of things I have been working on to get all of this taken care of now. 

In my apartment building there are many seniors living alone but it is not a structured life. They are independent and if they need help there are many options but not part of the apartment management. Living downtown might not sound great to some but if it keeps me on my own in my own place then I am happy with it.


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## Aunt Bea (Jun 13, 2021)

I’ve lived alone for so long that I can’t imagine living any other way.

At some point I will probably have to move to an independent or assisted living facility.

My biggest concern with that is getting the timing right.  I want to delay it as long as possible but not so long that I can’t be the one making the decisions.


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## funsearcher! (Jun 13, 2021)

I lived alone for many years-1st in my house, then in an apartment. I was fine. 
But last year, newly retired with a knee surgery and limited mobility, I began thinking about safety and isolation. Covid lockdowns increased my loneliness..so ultimately I decided to move to another state and share a larger place with my best friend of 40 years. We are both adapting to living with someone else, and to a new city. 
Finally things are starting to open up. so I am optimistic about joining more social activities and making some new friends.


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## OneEyedDiva (Jun 13, 2021)

I've been independent in so many ways for so long. I remained so even after I remarried. Now that my husband is gone, if I need help my son, two of my grandsons and my honorary daughter will help me. I hate to bother them though because they are all incredibly busy. The most help I need is with transportation. About 4 or 5 weeks my son will pick up my Costco items. Before COVID I took the bus to my doctor appointments but since the pandemic, I usually take Uber or Lyft. My middle grandson took me to a couple of appointments recently and we hit Walmart and Dollar Tree yesterday.  I buy most of my groceries from the local supermarket that is within walking distance but Walmart has some brands I prefer. I buy enough from Walmart so that I don't have to go back for months. I don't anticipate ever needing financial help and literally pray daily that I'll be able to remain independent until I die so that I'm not a burden on my loved ones.


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## mellowyellow (Jun 13, 2021)

So many stories of courageous women on this thread, I hope that when and if I lose my partner of 55 years, I can be as brave.


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## Pecos (Jun 13, 2021)

I read through this thread and  see the many advantages that I have as a man married to a wife who is 7 years younger than I am. Still I devote a lot of planning and  financial resources for her future without me. I do not want her to be lonely and living by herself in this big house cooking for one. What you ladies face looks tough to me and reading this thread prods me forward.


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## OneEyedDiva (Jun 14, 2021)

Pecos said:


> I read through this thread and  see the many advantages that I have as a man married to a wife who is 7 years younger than I am. Still I devote a lot of planning and  financial resources for her future without me. I do not want her to be lonely and living by herself in this big house cooking for one. What you ladies face looks tough to me and reading this thread prods me forward.


You are such a thoughtful, wonderful husband Pecos.


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## officerripley (Jun 14, 2021)

Pecos said:


> I read through this thread and  see the many advantages that I have as a man married to a wife who is 7 years younger than I am. Still I devote a lot of planning and  financial resources for her future without me. I do not want her to be lonely and living by herself in this big house cooking for one. What you ladies face looks tough to me and reading this thread prods me forward.





OneEyedDiva said:


> You are such a thoughtful, wonderful husband Pecos.


Yes, he is; too bad more husbands aren't like him.


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## Liberty (Jun 14, 2021)

debbie in seattle said:


> Interesting.......I am currently facing the fact my husband will be gone in 90 days or just a month or two longer.   He has Mesothelioma.    It’s really scary for me, but on the other hand, a new ‘adventure’, wanted or not.   Currently live in Seattle and if my plans go as I want, plan on moving to Arizona (one of my kids lives there).   I could view all of this as scary, sad and depressing, but have decided it’s not how it should be.  Wish me luck!


Good luck Deb...we'll be rooting for you!


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## oldiebutgoody (Jun 14, 2021)

Not having any other choice, I live alone as I've done all my adult life.

However, if some wealthy heiress would like to walk into my life, she is more than welcome to do so.


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## moviequeen1 (Jun 17, 2021)

I've been independent for most of my adult life,been in my apt for 33 yrs,its in the same neighborhood where I grew up
I have no immediate family here,my brother lives in Conn,my sister in England I have a couple of close friends I consider my 'buffalo family' who I can ask for help whenever I need it
I'm a member/volunteer at org called Canopy of Neighbors, members 62 or older who live in their apts/homes We have a volunteer driver pool who would take members to dr's appts,grocery shopping etc. We offered/sponsored monthly events in and around the Buffalo area which was great
When Covid hit,that stopped everything, our office is still closed.Every Mon I call my list of members to see how they are if they need anything
I'm staying here for as long as possible Sue


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## TabbyAnn (Jun 17, 2021)

I live alone in my own home with no relatives near and I don’t have any children. I was managing fairly well until two unexpected health emergencies occurred that can happen to anybody without warning. I’ve recovered from both but with considerable loss of energy and mobility. I now realize now how dangerous and impractical it is for older seniors to live alone in a house but I am at a loss as to who to consult with to make changes. There seems to be a general idea afloat that all sorts of services are available to seniors.  All sorts of suggestions and advice come from people on this forum who have never tried to access the services or managed an identical situation.


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## officerripley (Jun 17, 2021)

TabbyAnn said:


> I live alone in my own home with no relatives near and I don’t have any children. I was managing fairly well until two unexpected health emergencies occurred that can happen to anybody without warning. I’ve recovered from both but with considerable loss of energy and mobility. I now realize now how dangerous and impractical it is for older seniors to live alone in a house but I am at a loss as to who to consult with to make changes. *There seems to be a general idea afloat that all sorts of services are available to seniors.  All sorts of suggestions and advice come from people on this forum who have never tried to access the services or managed an identical situation.*


I hear you and sympathize (I'm married but we don't have any kids either and I worry to death about it), but I think that all or most of the folks who offer advice & suggestions here on SF mean well. I think what happens a lot is that services for seniors vary widely from place to place here in the U.S. On another site I'm on, there was a lady on the site who kept suggesting that I check with my local Area Agency on Aging (Passages) for various senior services; she said she volunteered at her local Area Agency on Aging and I should check with mine. So the several times I called mine, I kept being told by the Agency, "Oh, sorry, no, we don't offer that." When I relayed that fact to the gal on the website who kept suggesting them, she said, "Where in the world do you live?!" I told her in a mostly rural area 2 hours away from the nearest big city and she said oh, no wonder; she was in a satellite city just outside Denver if memory serves. So it seems to make a huge difference where you live in this great big ol' country of ours.


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## Colleen (Jun 17, 2021)

I've thought about this more recently because my husband, who's 80, was just diagnosed with aortic stenosis and pulmonary hypertension. This was discovered last week when he had a pre-op for upcoming surgery next week. He has to see a Cardiologist and a Pulmonologist. He's always been strong and very healthy and this was a shock for both of us.

We've been married for almost 25 years and his 3 "kids" are near, although, one son has estranged himself from his dad. I'm not sure what I'd do if something happened to him. We were gypsies for most of our life so our house is not paid for, although, the payment would be far less then an apartment. Our vehicle is paid for. We don't have any other bills other than house payment and utilities. I get a small pension and SS, which would pay for house payment. I would not get his pension benefit, unfortunately. I'm not sure how SS works after a spouse dies but I think I wouldn't get mine but I'd get his because it's more. Is that right? We have a small savings but that's it. He never invested in anything. I'm concerned but I hope I won't have to think about it for a while.


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## katlupe (Jun 18, 2021)

TabbyAnn said:


> I live alone in my own home with no relatives near and I don’t have any children. I was managing fairly well until two unexpected health emergencies occurred that can happen to anybody without warning. I’ve recovered from both but with considerable loss of energy and mobility. I now realize now how dangerous and impractical it is for older seniors to live alone in a house but I am at a loss as to who to consult with to make changes. There seems to be a general idea afloat that all sorts of services are available to seniors.  All sorts of suggestions and advice come from people on this forum who have never tried to access the services or managed an identical situation.


I have and still do use the services I suggest on here. Sometimes I may not be clear on that because I try not to say anything that may cause others to look down on me. Sorry about that. 

I live in NY state and our office of the aging is great. They really do help seniors or try to find someone who can. I lived in my home in the country and applied for senior housing by printing out their application from their website. From that, I was able to get help to get out of the situation I was in. But what I learned is that you have to start the ball rolling yourself. I really could not see how I could afford to move and live on my own, but the manager from this senior housing knew all the things I needed to do and how to do it. She directed me to all that and I was here within two months of applying. Once you are out, there are many programs to assist seniors. It is not all about money either. 

If you need any help with researching what is available in your area, I would be glad to help you do that. I am pretty good at researching stuff.


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## katlupe (Jun 18, 2021)

Here is a link for the National Council on Aging. They have some informative articles there.

This one is Helpful Organizations That Support Seniors Living Alone.

If I can get just one tip or idea on something I can do to make my life easier or happier from articles or videos that others write then I think it is worth it. A site I found way back in maybe 2010 or around there was "Help, I Hate My Husband!" Now I did not really hate mine, still don't, but it helped me see the total picture and how my life would end up if I did not do something about it. Which I did.


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## OneEyedDiva (Jun 18, 2021)

debbie in seattle said:


> Interesting.......I am currently facing the fact my husband will be gone in 90 days or just a month or two longer.   He has Mesothelioma.    It’s really scary for me, but on the other hand, a new ‘adventure’, wanted or not.   Currently live in Seattle and if my plans go as I want, plan on moving to Arizona (one of my kids lives there).   I could view all of this as scary, sad and depressing, but have decided it’s not how it should be.  Wish me luck!


 Sorry for what you're going through though. It can't be easy. But it sounds like you are a strong woman who will be ready to deal with whatever comes Debbie.


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## hollydolly (Jun 18, 2021)

katlupe said:


> I have and still do use the services I suggest on here. Sometimes I may not be clear on that because I try not to say anything that may cause others to look down on me. Sorry about that.


Don't you think for a minute any of us would look down on you Kat, in fact I for one and I'm sure others here admire your fortitude


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## OneEyedDiva (Jun 18, 2021)

katlupe said:


> I have and still do use the services I suggest on here. Sometimes I may not be clear on that because I try not to say anything that may cause others to look down on me. Sorry about that.
> 
> I live in NY state and our office of the aging is great. They really do help seniors or try to find someone who can. I lived in my home in the country and applied for senior housing by printing out their application from their website. From that, I was able to get help to get out of the situation I was in. But what I learned is that you have to start the ball rolling yourself. I really could not see how I could afford to move and live on my own, but the manager from this senior housing knew all the things I needed to do and how to do it. She directed me to all that and I was here within two months of applying. Once you are out, there are many programs to assist seniors. It is not all about money either.
> 
> If you need any help with researching what is available in your area, I would be glad to help you do that. I am pretty good at researching stuff.


Look down on you?! No. I admire you for having the foresight to do what needs to be done, for correcting the situation with your husband (or ex?) and for planning for the care of your son should you become unable to do so.


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## fuzzybuddy (Jun 28, 2021)

Is Anyone Living Independently on Their Own in Their Senior Years?​Yes, me. I'm 75, disabled, use a wheelchair, but I still drive, shop, etc. I do spend close to a year in a "care facility". I don't think it's fortitude, griot or anything like that, Just damn lucky, I didn't need to continue being in a nursing home.


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## debodun (Jun 28, 2021)

HERE!


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## HarryHawk (Jun 28, 2021)

My mother is 94, she had been living on her own for the past several years after my dad passed.  About a year ago she had a mild stroke.  My brother and I both live 2 hours away, we both talk to her every day but can't be with her 24/7.

I found a very nice assisted living facility, about 20 residents and very homey.  My mother has pretty much recovered from the stroke, so she is doing well.  I think she is happier in the assisted living situation.  There are always people around to play cards or bake cookies.  She doesn't have to worry about washing windows or raking leaves.

I know I was lucky to find a great facility for her.


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## katlupe (Jun 29, 2021)

HarryHawk said:


> My mother is 94, she had been living on her own for the past several years after my dad passed.  About a year ago she had a mild stroke.  My brother and I both live 2 hours away, we both talk to her every day but can't be with her 24/7.
> 
> I found a very nice assisted living facility, about 20 residents and very homey.  My mother has pretty much recovered from the stroke, so she is doing well.  I think she is happier in the assisted living situation.  There are always people around to play cards or bake cookies.  She doesn't have to worry about washing windows or raking leaves.
> 
> I know I was lucky to find a great facility for her.


I personally like the smaller ones like that. I think they can have better care and not a hurry, hurry attitude from the aides.


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