# Arguing in public



## debodun (Jul 25, 2020)

How do you feel when you see a couple arguing like in a store or other public place?


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## JaniceM (Jul 25, 2020)

It's embarrassing.. shows lack of class.


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## Aneeda72 (Jul 25, 2020)

JaniceM said:


> It's embarrassing.. shows lack of class.


Sadly, I totally lack class.


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## Aunt Marg (Jul 25, 2020)

It's shameful that they don't have the common sense to take it up in a private place.


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## Aneeda72 (Jul 25, 2020)

Aunt Marg said:


> It's shameful that they don't have the common sense to take it up in a private place.


We are so old if we waited for a private place we would end up fighting about what we were fighting about.


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## debodun (Jul 25, 2020)

What if it's on their own property, but outdoors.


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## Pinky (Jul 25, 2020)

debodun said:


> What if it's on their own property, but outdoors.


Take it inside.


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## Aneeda72 (Jul 25, 2020)

Pinky said:


> Take it inside.


 But then what would the neighbors have to talk about as in “did you hear what she called him?”   Don't worry, wait five minutes I will call him that again.  I no longer have a filter.


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## katlupe (Jul 25, 2020)

It doesn't bother me. I just go on with what I am doing. Some people are like that. I just heard two loud arguments, one yesterday outside the Chinese restaurant as we were coming out and one today in front of the post office as I was on my way to Tops on Jazzy. I just keep going.


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## Sassycakes (Jul 25, 2020)

I just walk away and ignore it. I would say something if one of them was being violent.


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## Aunt Marg (Jul 25, 2020)

debodun said:


> What if it's on their own property, but outdoors.


It boils down to scruples... some have it, some don't.

Those who lack scruples grew up to know no better than to lay out their lives for all to see (and hear).

As for the rest of us who know better, we conduct our personal and private affairs behind closed doors, in a calm, cool, and collect way.


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## Aneeda72 (Jul 25, 2020)

Aunt Marg said:


> It boils down to scruples... some have it, some don't.
> 
> Those who lack scruples grew up to know no better than to lay out their lives for all to see (and hear).
> 
> As for the rest of us who know better, we conduct our personal and private affairs behind closed doors, in a calm, cool, and collect way.


Well, WOW, thought I had scruples, but maybe not.  Maybe those ”who know better”  don’t.

I do know that I am done being a doormat so if someone chooses to get in my face because they think I will just suck it up to avoid attracting attention in any environment, they are mistaken.  As for being calm and cool, I am pretty much always calm.  At least I haven’t killed anyone yet.


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## Ruth n Jersey (Jul 25, 2020)

I just walk on by. I doubt I would even get involved if they became violent, before you know it you're laying on the floor with a broken nose or worse. I would consider calling the police from a safe distance away.


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## Ruthanne (Jul 25, 2020)

I feel it's a normal part of life and anyone who lives together is going to argue so I just let it be.


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## Wren (Jul 25, 2020)

As long as no children are being involved I couldn’t care less, personally, no way


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## asp3 (Jul 25, 2020)

I think that it's unfortunate and as long as it looks like one of the participants isn't in danger I ignore it and move on.

I don't judge people in those situations because I have no idea what caused one person or the other to start something like that out in public.  It's possible that it is the only safe place for one of the participants to talk because they could be physically abused if they choose to talk about something in private.  It might also lessen the verbal abuse they have to endure because the abuser doesn't do it quite as much in public.

There are times that the arguments don't seem like things that would require such precautions, but once again I don't know the circumstances.  I pity them and hope that they're able to find a better way to move forward or that one is able to escape the other.


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## Aneeda72 (Jul 25, 2020)

asp3 said:


> I think that it's unfortunate and as long as it looks like one of the participants isn't in danger I ignore it and move on.
> 
> I don't judge people in those situations because I have no idea what caused one person or the other to start something like that out in public.  It's possible that it is the only safe place for one of the participants to talk because they could be physically abused if they choose to talk about something in private.  It might also lessen the verbal abuse they have to endure because the abuser doesn't do it quite as much in public.
> 
> There are times that the arguments don't seem like things that would require such precautions, but once again I don't know the circumstances.  I pity them and hope that they're able to find a better way to move forward or that one is able to escape the other.


I have come to understand that there is no escape but death.


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## asp3 (Jul 25, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> I have come to understand that there is no escape but death.



???


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## Aneeda72 (Jul 25, 2020)

asp3 said:


> ???


I used to do outbound calling for a credit card company.  I spoke to a LOT of elderly lonely forgotten women about their lives.  When I became older myself, and went to the senior center, many other older woman repeated what I had learned before.

There is no escape from a bad domestic situation except death.  Yes, some do make it out, most do not.  Choices are still so limited for women, especially woman with children that they stay until they either “emotionally die” (In full or part) or really die.  Same applies to men, of course.

Each abusive word or action is poison to the spirit and the heart.  This is, as usual, my opinion.  No one should swallow poison until they get to a more appropriate place to spit it out.  

I was a doormat for years.  My husband wants to argue about everything.  Now not every public argument is a loud affair that others can overhear or be aware of.  Many who have responded to this thread have made that assumption, which I find funny.  They should know better.

Many have made judgements towards people who argue in public as if they are in a position to be worthy as judges-no one is worthy to judge anyone but themselves.  People our age should know this.  Anyway, yes, the only escape is death.


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## JaniceM (Jul 25, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> I used to do outbound calling for a credit card company.  I spoke to a LOT of elderly lonely forgotten women about their lives.  When I became older myself, and went to the senior center, many other older woman repeated what I had learned before.
> 
> There is no escape from a bad domestic situation except death.  Yes, some do make it out, most do not.  Choices are still so limited for women, especially woman with children that they stay until they either “emotionally die” (In full or part) or really die.  Same applies to men, of course.
> 
> ...


Not all public arguments are signs of bad domestic situations, either.  I don't think many people would want anyone in that situation to "swallow it quietly."  
I can't speak for anyone else, but I was referring to individuals who think it's appropriate to conduct their personal spats anywhere and everywhere-  was not referring to domestic violence.


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## Robert59 (Jul 25, 2020)

I saw a fight with fists between two old men at the local community center over pancakes. This was over how pancakes should be cooked. It took two women too break them up. This happened when I was in my 30's


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## asp3 (Jul 25, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> Choices are still so limited for women, especially woman with children that they stay until they either “emotionally die” (In full or part) or really die.  Same applies to men, of course.
> 
> I was a doormat for years.  My husband wants to argue about everything.  Now not every public argument is a loud affair that others can overhear or be aware of.
> 
> Anyway, yes, the only escape is death.



Aneed72, thank you for your reply.  I'm sorry to hear that you've had such a difficult time with your husband.

I was only thinking about physical death not emotional death.  For me I agree with the statement that for far too many people, mainly women, only death or emotional death is their way to escape an abusive situation.  I also agree that the resources for people (once again mainly women) to escape abusive situations are far too limited and difficult to get.  I do know some women who were in abusive situations and were able to escape by leaving the situation so there is some hope.


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## fmdog44 (Jul 25, 2020)

The silly thing is what they are arguing about is meaningless most of the time.


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## mlh (Jul 25, 2020)

_when people fight in public that makes me nervous. i also hate when someone swears the whole time._


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## Lewkat (Jul 26, 2020)

It makes me nervous and hyper alert as I never know where it will go. If I can extricate myself from the area, I leave.


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## Ferocious (Jul 26, 2020)

*Two pair of boxing gloves usually sorts it. *


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## Aneeda72 (Jul 26, 2020)

Lewkat said:


> It makes me nervous and hyper alert as I never know where it will go. If I can extricate myself from the area, I leave.


My husband does not yell and rarely swears.  I am very sensitive to a raised voice-thus we have somewhat quiet verbal fight.  But I yell, otherwise, mr I can’t hear,  couldn‘t hear the rich variety of names I call him.  . I swear like a dock hand when I am angry.


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## grahamg (Jul 26, 2020)

JaniceM said:


> Not all public arguments are signs of bad domestic situations, either.  I don't think many people would want anyone in that situation to "swallow it quietly."
> I can't speak for anyone else, but I was referring to individuals who think it's appropriate to conduct their personal spats anywhere and everywhere-  was not referring to domestic violence.


I agree, some couples who are totally dedicated to one another, still engage in yes spats, verbal fisticuffs, or whatever you want to call it, and it is part of the way they've learnt to live together.
I think there is a great difference between their arguments, because I think you can sense its a kind of ritual, and not the dreadful kind of abusive relationships we all dislike, or fear if we're in one.    .


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## LindaB (Jul 26, 2020)

If you are close to them, say "excuse me, " smile pleasantly and walk away. If you are already a good distance away, just ignore it.


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## Fyrefox (Jul 27, 2020)

The problem of students swearing in school often results in their parents being called in.  It can be amusing for staff to hear parents wonder where their kids picked up language like that, contending that they didn't hear it at home.  In the vast majority of cases, obscene and vulgar language is modeled daily at home, and children learn what they live...


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## Aneeda72 (Jul 27, 2020)

Fyrefox said:


> The problem of students swearing in school often results in their parents being called in.  It can be amusing for staff to hear parents wonder where their kids picked up language like that, contending that they didn't hear it at home.  In the vast majority of cases, obscene and vulgar language is modeled daily at home, and children learn what they live...


My parents didn’t swear and I never swore in school or at home.  But once I joined the army, lol, I learned a bunch of new words and used them.  Still use them, not in everyday language, of course, I save them for those special moments with my husband.


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## 911 (Jul 29, 2020)

A few years before I retired, I was on patrol in the morning hours. It was close to quitting time, which was 10 a.m. A lady waved me down near a playground out in the country. I pulled over and she told me that she had her 2 little kids playing on the swings and see-saws and these two older kids, which were actually 19 and 20, (I found out after investigating), 1 male and 1 female, (they were a couple), were using profane language and she had asked them to please not use that language because of the children nearby. She said that he told her to "F off." 

I went over to where they were standing and talking, which was kind of loud. As I approached them, I heard him drop the "F" bomb, so I tried to calm him down when he told me to "F" off. I told him to turn around and put his hands behind his back, so that I could cuff him and that he was under arrest. He tells me that he knows his rights and that he didn't do anything wrong and that I can't arrest him for telling me to "F" off and so on and on. After he was done talking, I asked him again, "Are you going to turn around and put your hands behind your back so that I can cuff you or what?" He wanted  to know why he was being arrested. I hated telling him for "disturbing the peace and harassment," but that's all that I had. It's not against the law to swear at a cop, so long as you don't threaten them. 

So, he did the smart thing and complied. His bail was $300.00 and at court he paid 2 fines totaling $500, plus costs and whatever his lawyer cost him, which was probably somewhere between $750.00-1000.00. Actually, he was very lucky. Here in Pennsylvania, "Disturbing the Peace" can be a felony if the judge decides that the issue at hand is egregious enough and that could lead to jail time. I put on the court papers that I didn't think this matter deserved to be a felony. 

If he would have just quieted down and dropped the profanity, he would have had a much better day.


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## Aneeda72 (Jul 29, 2020)

911 said:


> A few years before I retired, I was on patrol in the morning hours. It was close to quitting time, which was 10 a.m. A lady waved me down near a playground out in the country. I pulled over and she told me that she had her 2 little kids playing on the swings and see-saws and these two older kids, which were actually 19 and 20, (I found out after investigating), 1 male and 1 female, (they were a couple), were using profane language and she had asked them to please not use that language because of the children nearby. She said that he told her to "F off."
> 
> I went over to where they were standing and talking, which was kind of loud. As I approached them, I heard him drop the "F" bomb, so I tried to calm him down when he told me to "F" off. I told him to turn around and put his hands behind his back, so that I could cuff him and that he was under arrest. He tells me that he knows his rights and that he didn't do anything wrong and that I can't arrest him for telling me to "F" off and so on and on. After he was done talking, I asked him again, "Are you going to turn around and put your hands behind your back so that I can cuff you or what?" He wanted  to know why he was being arrested. I hated telling him for "disturbing the peace and harassment," but that's all that I had. It's not against the law to swear at a cop, so long as you don't threaten them.
> 
> ...


I had the most awful neighbor for years and a few times had to have the sheriff out.  One time he was in the guy‘s house and had to call for back up.  But I did notice when the sheriff interviewed me about the issues, the sheriff would invade my personal space.  Getting way too close for my liking as part of me kind of sticks out.

Once, after backing up several times, I asked the sheriff if he was trying to crawl inside my clothes.  For some reason, your story reminded me of this.  Is invading someones personal space a tactic used by some law enforcement to “force” a possible negative reaction?  I’ve always been curious about this behavior.


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## hellomimi (Jul 29, 2020)

Sassycakes said:


> I just walk away and ignore it. I would say something if one of them was being violent.


Ditto.

Unless they were violent, I wont get involved. If there's an aggrieved party, I'd find a way to get help asap.


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## 911 (Jul 29, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> I had the most awful neighbor for years and a few times had to have the sheriff out.  One time he was in the guy‘s house and had to call for back up.  But I did notice when the sheriff interviewed me about the issues, the sheriff would invade my personal space.  Getting way too close for my liking as part of me kind of sticks out.
> 
> Once, after backing up several times, I asked the sheriff if he was trying to crawl inside my clothes.  For some reason, your story reminded me of this.  Is invading someones personal space a tactic used by some law enforcement to “force” a possible negative reaction?  I’ve always been curious about this behavior.


I have no knowledge of the Sheriff's style. I have no idea what he was after. Maybe he had a hearing issue? I just can't give you an answer.


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## Linda (Jul 29, 2020)

We were with friends once in a store and she started loudly yelling at him because he was going to use a credit card to buy toothpaste.  We were so embarrassed we walked away and pretended like we didn't know them.


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## Aneeda72 (Jul 30, 2020)

Linda said:


> We were with friends once in a store and she started loudly yelling at him because he was going to use a credit card to buy toothpaste.  We were so embarrassed we walked away and pretended like we didn't know them.


Embarrassment comes in all forms.  At a store with my friend, before I had kids, her son went missing.  We spread out to find him.  I found him first.  He was sitting by the check out stand with a large pile of candy bars, opening and eating them one by one.

The store manager started yelling at me, ranting , completely out of control about this 5 years old kid.  Mostly I remember him saying he could charge me for all that candy.  Everyone was watching.  Finally he took a deep breathe and just glared at me.

I stared at him, the crowd waited for my response, and I gave a truthful reply.  “Not my kid.”  . He walked away to the laughter of a dozen or so people, my friend was among them.  I guess he was embarrassed.  But no one died.  I’ve never heard of anyone actually dying from embarrassment.

Off topic somewhat, but thanks for the memory.


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## debodun (Jul 31, 2020)

Sometime people yell at each other because they are hard of hearing.


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## jujube (Jul 31, 2020)

I spent 2 1/2 hours in juvenile court several years ago because I wanted to get a look at the kid who stole my car, so I would know who to shoot if I saw him in my neighborhood again.....just kidding, I wouldn't actually shoot him, at least I don't _think_ I would.

There was a girl, maybe 15 or 16, very rough looking, in there with her mother.  The mother looked like she had just stepped off the corner where she did her business.  I mean, if Central Casting was looking for a druggy streetwalker from a bad neighborhood, Mom would have been at the top of the list to call.  I'm not sure how daughter was able to get as many tattoos at her tender age, but she sure had been raiding her mom's closet.  

I was privileged to listen to over an hour's conversation (I guess you could call it conversation) which consisted of every variation of the "f-word" used in every possible combination, and addressed at each other, i.e. "F you, you F-ing little F, I told you I'd F-ing F the F out of you if I had to F-ing come down to this F-ing place again."  "Well, F you, mom!"  Ad nauseum.   The F-ing apple doesn't fall far from the F-ing tree, obviously.


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