# Loving young and loving older



## halalu (Apr 13, 2015)

When I was young physical love was all consuming and grand. Now that I am old I have noticed that I am observing and experiencing even anticipating the psychological messages that come from sharing and caring about a person. (interesting)


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## drifter (Apr 13, 2015)

Perhaps one leads to the other.


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## applecruncher (Apr 13, 2015)

The psychological aspect is important, but so is that "spark".


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## Underock1 (Apr 13, 2015)

halalu said:


> When I was young physical love was all consuming and grand. Now that I am old I have noticed that I am observing and experiencing even anticipating the psychological messages that come from sharing and caring about a person. (interesting)



I just had a revealing life experience. When my wife and I were first going together, the hormones were raging, no doubt about it. More importantly, before we were married our entire focus was on each other. Once we were married, all of the trivial things that make up daily living had to be dealt with. When she recently became ill, she was hospitalized, and we were separated from each other except for phone calls,and a visit every other day at the dialysis center. With the trivia removed and sharpened by the separation, we had two of the most loving, laughing, months of our entire marriage. The look in her eyes was the same one I saw when we first met. It was as if a veil had been lifted and " Hey! I remember you!" The every day things in life have to be dealt with, but nothing is more important than loving each other. We had a fantastic love life right up until I was eighty,  but in the end, its the caring for each other that counts.


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## Kadee (Apr 14, 2015)

That is a Beautifull written story of your marriage/ life together it bought a tear to my eye, 
underock1 ..


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## Underock1 (Apr 14, 2015)

Kadee46 said:


> That is a Beautifull written story of your marriage/ life together it bought a tear to my eye,
> underock1 ..



Thanks for the complement. Sorry about the tear. Had a few myself.


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## Ameriscot (Apr 14, 2015)

Kadee46 said:


> That is a Beautifull written story of your marriage/ life together it bought a tear to my eye,
> underock1 ..



Me too.


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## Underock1 (Apr 14, 2015)

Ameriscot said:


> Me too.



Thank you for empathizing, Ameriscot.  Didn't mean to bring everybody down.


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## Ameriscot (Apr 14, 2015)

Underock1 said:


> Thank you for empathizing, Ameriscot.  Didn't mean to bring everybody down.



Oh no, not really down.  It was lovely!


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## Shalimar (Apr 14, 2015)

Sometimes women cry when we are touched, not necessarily unhappy Underock. Your beautiful story did just that. Thank you for sharing, we like you.:love_heart:


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## Underock1 (Apr 14, 2015)

Shalimar said:


> Sometimes women cry when we are touched, not necessarily unhappy Underock. Your beautiful story did just that. Thank you for sharing, we like you.:love_heart:



Well thank you all. I do get that. I just pour it all out there as it hits me. I started on here to help myself get through the nights. It _has _really helped me quite a bit. Everyone on here has been very gracious. Men cry when they are touched too.
They just try not to do it in public.


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## Kadee (Apr 14, 2015)

Underock1 said:


> Thank you for empathizing, Ameriscot.  Didn't mean to bring everybody down.


Oh it's Beautifull you didn't upset anyone , it's just so nice to read a love story ( don't mean to sound rude or offensive and hope you don't find my comments rude but your love for one another sounds like the movie  The Notebook which even my 20 year old grandaughter loved) I have watched the movie severel times ...you never really know what lies ahead for us all ...


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## Underock1 (Apr 14, 2015)

Kadee46 said:


> Oh it's Beautifull you didn't upset anyone , it's just so nice to read a love story ( don't mean to sound rude or offensive and hope you don't find my comments rude but your love for one another sounds like the movie  The Notebook which even my 20 year old grandaughter loved) I have watched the movie severel times ...you never really know what lies ahead for us all ...



Thank you Kadee. Sorry. I'm not familiar with the movie. I certainly find nothing rude in your comments. My mother dragged me with her to too many romantic movies when I was a kid. Sadly; reality is the enemy of romance. Eleanor and I had a great life though, and as gentle an ending as one can be hope for.


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## Kadee (Apr 15, 2015)

Underock1 said:


> Thank you Kadee. Sorry. I'm not familiar with the movie. I certainly find nothing rude in your comments. My mother dragged me with her to too many romantic movies when I was a kid. Sadly; reality is the enemy of romance. Eleanor and I had a great life though, and as gentle an ending as one can be hope for.


I tried to add a link to the information about the. Movie but it didn't work sorry 
it was one of the most Beautifull romantic love stories I have ever seen


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## oakapple (Apr 15, 2015)

If getting older brings some wisdom, and we become nicer, happier people as a result, then that helps compensate for the raging hormones.Caring about your husband or wife is extremely important.


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## Underock1 (Apr 15, 2015)

oakapple said:


> If getting older brings some wisdom, and we become nicer, happier people as a result, then that helps compensate for the raging hormones.Caring about your husband or wife is extremely important.



Absolutely, oakapple. We were lucky enough to have both well into old age. There is a shifting relationship between the two. In the earlier years the hormones feed into the caring. As you grow closer over the years, the accumulated caring boosts the effect of the hormones. In the later years, the caring gradually becomes all that matters. That can be very satisfying. Once all of the physical passion is removed, if all that each of you care about is the happiness of that person sitting next to you, then you know that you have had the real thing.


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## Maia (Jul 22, 2015)

Reading this thread, all I can think to say is loving is a good idea.


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## Ameriscot (Jul 22, 2015)

Maia said:


> Reading this thread, all I can think to say is loving is a good idea.



It's the most important thing in the world.


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## Underock1 (Jul 22, 2015)

Ameriscot said:


> It's the most important thing in the world.



Just about the _only _important thing. Sad that so many go through life without it.


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## Ameriscot (Jul 22, 2015)

Underock1 said:


> Just about the _only _important thing. Sad that so many go through life without it.



It's very sad for those who miss out or think/pretend they don't need it.


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## AZ Jim (Jul 22, 2015)

I have been told that even when we lose our partner we have wonderful memories to keep  us putting one foot in front of  the other and getting on.  I don't know yet but I don't want to find that out.


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## Vivjen (Jul 22, 2015)

We do...but it takes time...in my case ..a long time.


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## Underock1 (Jul 22, 2015)

AZ Jim said:


> I have been told that even when we lose our partner we have wonderful memories to keep  us putting one foot in front of  the other and getting on.  I don't know yet but I don't want to find that out.



I'm living that right now, Jim. I'm happy to see you still have your partner. Make those last years happy ones. It sounds like an oxymoron, but we were "lucky" to have some of our most loving times together during Eleanor's final months in the hospital. We did a lot of laughing, reminiscing, and summing up our life together. We found it to be good. I treasure those months.  Going on alone is hard. No doubt about it. Last one left, loses, but I'm glad I was able to be there for her at the end.
Memories are everything, but remembering hurts. Not remembering is worse; but as you say, "one foot in front of the other" and time does help.


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## Ameriscot (Jul 23, 2015)

AZ Jim said:


> I have been told that even when we lose our partner we have wonderful memories to keep  us putting one foot in front of  the other and getting on.  I don't know yet but I don't want to find that out.



I don't want to find out either, but 50/50 chance I will.  Hoping for at least 20 more years.


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## Lara (Aug 3, 2015)

This is the sweetest thread. As long as you're passing the tissues around, please pass them my way. I was going to post a sweet song by country singer Alan Jackson called "Remember When" until I read your comment above about how remembering hurts. That can be true. I didn't want it to cause that. (((((((group hug)))))))


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## ndynt (Aug 4, 2015)

Opening this thread ....it is not at all what I expected.  I can only tearfully re-iterate what all before me have posted.  Thank you for sharing such a intimate and beautiful part of your life with us, Underrock.


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## Underock1 (Aug 4, 2015)

Lara said:


> This is the sweetest thread. As long as you're passing the tissues around, please pass them my way. I was going to post a sweet song by country singer Alan Jackson called "Remember When" until I read your comment above about how remembering hurts. That can be true. I didn't want it to cause that. (((((((group hug)))))))



Thank you, Lara. I appreciate your thoughtfulness. Hurting is remembering. Not entirely a bad thing.


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## Lara (Aug 4, 2015)

I never thought of it that way Underock. It's a good healthy way to look at it. I understand.


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## Underock1 (Aug 4, 2015)

ndynt said:


> Opening this thread ....it is not at all what I expected.  I can only tearfully re-iterate what all before me have posted.  Thank you for sharing such a intimate and beautiful part of your life with us, Underrock.



I think I do that too often on here, Nona. Others have suffered far worse than I. I hate to come across as a "pity poor me" type. I thought it important to share our story about being rid of all of the "important" things that we clutter our daily lives with. Our experience of "Lifting the veil", and rediscovering who we used to be was a true revelation. That person that we first fell in love with is sitting right next to us. Perhaps buried under mounds of trivia, but still there. I think its important to pay attention to them _now_. Thank you for your empathy. Its sincerely appreciated.


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## Underock1 (Aug 4, 2015)

Kadee46 said:


> That is a Beautifull written story of your marriage/ life together it bought a tear to my eye,
> underock1 ..



Thank you, Kadee. I appreciate that. Sorry I made you cry.


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## ndynt (Aug 4, 2015)

Underock1 said:


> I think I do that too often on here, Nona. Others have suffered far worse than I. I hate to come across as a "pity poor me" type. I thought it important to share our story about being rid of all of the "important" things that we clutter our daily lives with. Our experience of "Lifting the veil", and rediscovering who we used to be was a true revelation. That person that we first fell in love with is sitting right next to us. Perhaps buried under mounds of trivia, but still there. I think its important to pay attention to them _now_. Thank you for your empathy. Its sincerely appreciated.


Not at all, Underrock.   Nothing you have ever posted came across as "pity poor me.  Though the circumstances of this last post was sad...it was still beautiful story.


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