# Distance from kids/grandkids is frustrating me. Anyone have good suggestions?



## Tony Del (Sep 20, 2018)

My wife and I live pretty far from our son and his family (our granddaughters 2 yrs & 4yrs). My son and DIL are good about Skyping with us at least once a week, but every time we visit our granddaughters view us as strangers until they warm up, which usually takes about a day. We only get to see them once or twice a year so I want to know if anyone else has found ways for their grandchildren to get to know them from far a way. Gifts? Writing letters?


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## Ronni (Sep 21, 2018)

Four of my 10 grandkids live across the country from me, in California.  Like you, I visit once or twice a year, and have been since the first one was born, and she's now 15.  It's hard maintaining a relationship with them across that distance, especially when they're younger.  It's easier now, because the older two have their own phones and so we text and send pics all the time.  I do the same thing with the grandkids here who are old enough for phones, Facebook accounts etc.    I use any medium I can to stay connected.  

Ever since my California grandkids were born I make a point to send them each, separately, mail, cards, letters all the time. Every seasonal event they each get a card...Halloween, Easter, Valentines Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, St. Patty's day, any excuse for a card, or sometimes no excuse at all, just "thinking of you" type cards...plus cards on their birthdays of course.   I've always tried to include something in the cards..stickers, temporary tattoos, glitter, cutouts..whatever might be appropriate for the day and the age.  On their birthdays they get a little money in their cards.  

But too, their parents/my son and daughter in law, are SO good about keeping me "alive" in their kids' lives.  They refer to me often, tell them to calls Grams about this or that, refer to me as though I were just down the street instead of across the country.  Too, they send me stuff about the kids all the time...information about what they're involved in at school, their latest recital, that Katey hurt her leg and had to wear a boot, a funny pic of Chari who had dressed herself and OMG!! Stuff like that, which gives me additional information that I can talk to the kids about, and refer to, and make them feel like I know what's going on in their lives.  

I love my grandkids and I really enjoy the relationship I have with them.  That said, sometimes it takes work to maintain that relationship because often it's a bit more one-sided.  They're young, and more self-focused at that age, lacking the maturity to maintain meaningful relationships outside their immediate sphere.  So it's more work on MY part to keep up the conversation and interaction.  Very worth it though!!!


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## Tony Del (Sep 21, 2018)

Thanks, Ronni! I like the idea of sending regular cards, mail, etc. Especially at this age--everything for them is a present and simple things excite them so much (on our last visit they were justt as excited to get a simple pack of stickers as the bigger gift we brought). I hadn't thought of sending stuff like this regularly through the mail.

I should be thankful my son and daughter-in-law also try to make it a point to include use as best they can. You're right, at this age it is one-sided so thank you for putting it in perspective.


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## dkay (Sep 21, 2018)

I have no family near me so I have always sent cards/letters etc. When I am with them I take lots of photos. I get some card stock and make cards using one of the photos of them or of us together and I add a little memory of when the photo was taken or I will make a card with a copy of a photo of me when I went to school and my hair was a mess etc. I was surprised that both granddaughters kept those cards and the youngest one has a couple hanging on her bulletin board. Now that everyone is older they each have their preferred method of communication - one likes to text the other prefers facebook messenger. I still prefer sending things via snail mail and my daughter prefers talking on the phone. My grandmother alway sent me a card for every holiday and my birthday up until the day she died. I really miss them...and her. I guess I'm carrying on the tradition.


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## Ronni (Sep 22, 2018)

Tony Del said:


> Thanks, Ronni! I like the idea of sending regular cards, mail, etc. Especially at this age--everything for them is a present and simple things excite them so much (on our last visit they were justt as excited to get a simple pack of stickers as the bigger gift we brought). I hadn't thought of sending stuff like this regularly through the mail.
> 
> I should be thankful my son and daughter-in-law also try to make it a point to include use as best they can. You're right, at this age it is one-sided so thank you for putting it in perspective.



Funny story:  When I first started doing this, and all the kids were old enough (but still young) to understand about getting stuff in the mail, I found out purely by accident that they'd fight endlessly over the piece of mail, resulting in Daddy and Mommy having to evolve an entire protocol for when the Grams letter came!  Because they all wanted to be part of the experience, they had it planned out so that Child #1 got to get the letter from the mail box, who gave it to child #2, who was responsible for opening it.  Child #3's job was to take it out of the envelope and then Child #4 got to take it to Mommy or Daddy for it to be read.  And I only found this out because I happened to be on the phone with my son one time when the kids were waiting for the mail to come because they expected a Grams letter and then the fuss and bother that ensued as Dad had to remind them who's turn it was to do which part of the process! :biggrin-new:

Once I realized that it was an issue, I started sending EACH of them a piece of mail for the seasonal things so they wouldn't have to fight over who got to do what!  They each got their own piece of mail, and could do all the steps on their own.  The only thing Mom or Dad had to remember was to NOT take the kids' mail out of the mailbox...they wanted to do that part too!!! 

Even now that they're older (the oldest just turned 15) apparently they STILL wait for mail from Grams, and get such a kick out of it.  So I'm glad I started the tradition! <3


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## Linda (Sep 29, 2018)

I have a granddaughter in Europe and I only get to see her every few years.  Her parents keep a close connection with phone calls and skype.  Still it makes me feel bad if I stop and think about it.  I do feel fortunate I get to talk to her often and she speaks English real well.  She is 12.


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## Keesha (Sep 29, 2018)

We don’t have children of our own so can’t completely relate however I will say that my niece absolutely LOVED reviving mail sent from me. We began to write letters back and forth and really enjoyed writing back and forth to each other. My brother and sister in law used to tell me how she’d rip open the cards with such excitement so I can’t imagine other children being any different.  They love receiving stuff in the mail that is sent personally to them.


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## IKE (Sep 29, 2018)

According to Google my son (with my ex), his wife and my three grand kids live 930.4 miles away.

I've seen the grand kids once since they were born, my sons wife and I swap emails two or three times a year around the holidays otherwise no contact......not complaining that's just the way it is.


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## Elsie (Sep 29, 2018)

I have one grandchild (34 years old) I last saw him two years ago on my 80th birthday.  He lives in town.  His mother, her sister & one brother live in town also.  I see one at a time every 3 months, because they take turns picking up my monthly groceries for me.  (...because I have head to toe fairly severe shaking from Essential Tremor, a neurological disorder).  I also see them occasionally at other times.  I babysat my grandson very often till he was 10.  Afterwhich his parents did not need me to babysit.  Next time I saw him, he'd grown at least a foot taller.  I was so happy so see him,  but to this day I miss that little boy I'd become so very close to from babyhood on up to 10 years old.


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