# When your adult child moves back home



## Uptosnuff (Aug 10, 2019)

I have always been one who loved to journal.  I have a couple of journals that I hand wrote but I haven't done that in quite a while.  I am really happy to have a forum I can journal again where, frankly, no one in my house is likely to find it.

I had been an empty nester for about 10 years and had grown to enjoy it when, because of my adult daughter's serious medical condition she found her life in ruins and came back to live with us again.  That was about a year ago.  I wouldn't mind it, really, but either because of the condition itself or because of the medications she is taking for it, a host of problems are surfacing that are stressful to say the least.

At one time she had a full time job as a public defender with a heavy caseload.  She had to quit that job because she could no longer handle the stress.  She is now doing the same type of job but on a part-time basis with the cases appointed by the judges.  She can do a lot of her work from home.  Luckily, we live in a large house on an acreage which allows us some space from each other.  My husband and I have the upper/main floor and daughter is on the lower level.  She has her work area set up down there.

Both she and my husband are home most of the day.  The benefits of this are that my home is usually nice and clean when I come home from work.  Daughter is very good at keeping the kitchen clean, doing the vacuuming and she even cleaned the curio cabinet that had been dusty for years.  The down side of this is that I never know from one day to the next, what her temperament is going to be.  She could be really glad to see me or she might just bite my head off for any little thing I do or say.  Again, I don't know if it's because of the medical condition or the meds, but it is a big problem that we are finally taking steps to resolve.


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## Uptosnuff (Aug 10, 2019)

Cemetery Walk

  This morning I had the pleasure of taking daughter's little dog Snickers for a cemetery walk.  Daughter went to Puerto Rico for a few days with her aunt, leaving her dog and cat with us.  I love taking snickers for a cemetery walk.  We drive into town, about a 10 minute drive.  We park at the sports complex right next door to the cemetery.  Then I put her on her leash and off we go.  Once we get into the cemetery, I can take her off the leash and let her go.  Snickers is a sprinter; she dashes around then stops to sniff.  Then she sprints to catch up with me again and finds something else to sniff.  There are the coolest tombstones in the Blair Cemetery.  All different shapes, colors and sizes.  The oldest graves I can find date from around the time of the civil war.  That's about when the town was founded.  Normally we wander all around the perimeter of the cemetery then go back to the car.  Today, however, we got to the cemetery to find it was locked!  All three of the gates were shut and locked.  They must open the cemetery at around 10:00 a.m., this was a little after 8:30 this morning.  

Across from the cemetery is the Blair High School.  It has a huge field on the side of it.  I think this is where they practice football and maybe soccor.  This is small town USA so the field isn't groomed; there is no track around it.  It is just a big field.  Well, we headed over to it and walked around the perimeter of it instead of the cemetery.  All around the field are dense trees and underbrush.  Even though we are in town, it feels like we are out in the country.  I discovered several mown paths leading off into the trees and underbrush.  I started down a couple only to get bit up by the bugs so I beat a hasty retreat back to the field.  What are the paths for?  Where do they lead to?  Maybe some day this fall after the first frost I'll come back with snickers and find out where they go.  I only hope they're still there by that time.  I had to smile at snicker's gamboling.  She chased after birds, butterflies, moths and anything that moved.  She had a ball and so did I watching her.  What a joy to see a living creature enjoying the simple pleasures so much.


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## win231 (Aug 10, 2019)

First time I ever heard of a "Cemetery Walk."
Well, I imagine it was a nice, quiet walk....


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## charry (Aug 10, 2019)

my adult children wouldnt move back home, they all (4)  sons ...moved out aged 18, and i  wouldnt , let them back ....lol......


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## Uptosnuff (Aug 10, 2019)

win231 said:


> First time I ever heard of a "Cemetery Walk."
> Well, I imagine it was a nice, quiet walk....


Yeah, it is a really nice, quiet walk.  I like it mainly because I can let snickers off her leash and just let her roam around for a bit.  If there happens to be a grave service going on, I will put her back on her leash when we get near people.  Although most people seem to enjoy seeing her.


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## jerry old (Aug 25, 2019)

Uptosnuff said:


> I have always been one who loved to journal.  I have a couple of journals that I hand wrote but I haven't done that in quite a while.  I am really happy to have a forum I can journal again where, frankly, no one in my house is likely to find it.
> 
> I had been an empty nester for about 10 years and had grown to enjoy it when, because of my adult daughter's serious medical condition she found her life in ruins and came back to live with us again.  That was about a year ago.  I wouldn't mind it, really, but either because of the condition itself or because of the medications she is taking for it, a host of problems are surfacing that are stressful to say the least.
> 
> ...





Uptosnuff said:


> I have always been one who loved to journal.  I have a couple of journals that I hand wrote but I haven't done that in quite a while.  I am really happy to have a forum I can journal again where, frankly, no one in my house is likely to find it.
> 
> I had been an empty nester for about 10 years and had grown to enjoy it when, because of my adult daughter's serious medical condition she found her life in ruins and came back to live with us again.  That was about a year ago.  I wouldn't mind it, really, but either because of the condition itself or because of the medications she is taking for it, a host of problems are surfacing that are stressful to say the least.
> 
> ...


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## jerry old (Aug 25, 2019)

Good for the three of you'll.
My 47 y/o lost his job with high tech business; unbelievable the amount of money he fretted away. 
During the years he was making the 'big bucks,' he became arrogant beyond belief.  He brought that
trait when he came 'back home.' He is a pain to live with.


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## Lc jones (Aug 25, 2019)

jerry r. garner said:


> Good for the three of you'll.
> My 47 y/o lost his job with high tech business; unbelievable the amount of money he fretted away.
> During the years he was making the 'big bucks,' he became arrogant beyond belief.  He brought that
> trait when he came 'back home.' He is a pain to live with.


What are your thoughts about what to do for the next step?


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## jerry old (Aug 25, 2019)

Lc jones said:


> What are your thoughts about what to do for the next step?


I lack the courage/nerves to throw him out.  He is my son, with all the entanglements that implies.
  He will not seek a normal job, "No, I'm not going to work for yeoman pay...I have to have
70-80K per year,:  
I called him an 'arrogant snot,'  he gave me a puzzled look. 
He's got me buffaloed.  Adult children Agggg!


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## Lc jones (Aug 25, 2019)

jerry r. garner said:


> I lack the courage/nerves to throw him out.  He is my son, with all the entanglements that implies.
> He will not seek a normal job, "No, I'm not going to work for yeoman pay...I have to have
> 70-80K per year,:
> I called him an 'arrogant snot,'  he gave me a puzzled look.
> He's got me buffaloed.  Adult children Agggg!


That’s a tough one all right I’ll hope for the best for you....


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## Uptosnuff (Aug 26, 2019)

@jerry r. garner 
Good luck with your situation.  It sounds like this might just be temporary?  Hopefully he will find a job with his pay range. 

I think my situation might be more permanent.  With her condition, I don't see where she will ever be able to work full time again.  We will need to iron out our problems as best we can.


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## Lc jones (Aug 26, 2019)

Uptosnuff said:


> @jerry r. garner
> Good luck with your situation.  It sounds like this might just be temporary?  Hopefully he will find a job with his pay range.
> 
> I think my situation might be more permanent.  With her condition, I don't see where she will ever be able to work full time again.  We will need to iron out our problems as best we can.


Yes I have a son with a disability he’ll be living with us for an indefinite period of time but he is working unfortunately the wages that his receiving are not sufficient enough for him to live independently.


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