# Humour, Teasing, Acceptance and the Middle Path...



## merlin (Jun 9, 2015)

.
I just felt I needed to say something about the humour and teasing that goes on here at times. I know this cropped up in AZ Jim's lovely thread welcoming all newcomers. I didn't want to spoil that thread so thought I would start this one to open up a discussion on it.

I am as guilty as anyone (possibly more) on here, of trivialising or in my opinion introducing some humour and lightness into some otherwise more serious threads. Personally I don't feel many areas of life that can't be tempered or helped by injecting some humour into them.
 Laughter is an excellent healer, and even in times of tragedy it can help balance the emotions.

I never intend to trivialise anyone's point of view, and in the main only play/tease/fantasise with members who are willing to join in, they know who they are. I guess if you don't like this style of humour, you could simply ignore it and move on?

Though not a Buddhist I do support their philosophy of taking the middle path, life is only as serious, sad, and upsetting as we allow it to be, or again to paraphrase Buddhism *"All human suffering is caused by our resistance to the way things are in the world/our life"*..........Acceptance is the first step to peace.....

http://is.gd/0zj0kh a link to more on acceptance in life.

Nameste


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## Warrigal (Jun 9, 2015)

Humour is a good way to de-escalate tension and valuable in its own right.

However, when a topic in the Current News and Hot Topics section degenerates into a group flirting session the middle path I take is the one that leads to the exit.


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## merlin (Jun 9, 2015)

Dame Warrigal said:


> Humour is a good way to de-escalate tension and valuable in its own right.
> 
> However, when a topic in the Current News and Hot Topics section degenerates into a group flirting session the middle path I take is the one that leads to the exit.



I completely agree Dame Warrigal because a lot of us take politics and current news topics seriously, I would feel its impolite to as you say introduce flirting etc., but I also feel your decision to leave is the best course of action, rather than creating an area of conflict, by not accepting what's happening.


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## Warrigal (Jun 9, 2015)

Is it OK to say "Get a room" as I close the door?



Spoiler



My attempt at humour


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

Personally, I think the implementation of personal attacks as a way of expressing  disagreement towards another's position is far more disruptive  than possibly misplaced humour or flirtation. I, too, believe in the path of moderation,although my love of laughter sometimes causes me to push the boundaries of irreverence beyond some member's comfort zones. It is not intentional, I assure you. Too much heated discussion is difficult for some members, who prefer a more relaxed style of debate. I guess I am trying to state that we are a mixed bag here, a United Nations of personalities, surely we can work together towards some kind of accord? Peace on the forum? Good will toward all? Why not embrace our differences? Who knows  what we could learn from each other?. Ie. DW and I will never agree on religion, but I have learned to respect and admire her intellect, compassion, and fierce integrity. She has opened eyes to a new paradigm, and I am grateful, even laughing mermaids  wish to embrace personal growth.


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## merlin (Jun 9, 2015)

Dame Warrigal said:


> Is it OK to say "Get a room" as I close the door?
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I love that remark Dame I think April used it once when things were getting a bit hot, actually it would be a good idea maybe to have a flirting room on this forum, as long as it didn't encourage peeping tom's and skulkers :jumelles:


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

Merlin, I love the idea of a playroom on the forum, not just for flirting, but encompassing all forms of irreverence outside of creepy.


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## merlin (Jun 9, 2015)

Shalimar said:


> Personally, I think the implementation of personal attacks as a way of expressing  disagreement towards another's position is far more disruptive  than possibly misplaced humour or flirtation. I, too, believe in the path of moderation,although my love of laughter sometimes causes me to push the boundaries of irreverence beyond some member's comfort zones. It is not intentional, I assure you. Too much heated discussion is difficult for some members, who prefer a more relaxed style of debate. I guess I am trying to state that we are a mixed bag here, a United Nations of personalities, surely we can work together towards some kind of accord? Peace on the forum? Good will toward all? Why not embrace our differences? Who knows  what we could learn from each other?. Ie. DW and I will never agree on religion, but I have learned to respect and admire her intellect, compassion, and fierce integrity. She has opened eyes to a new paradigm, and I am grateful, even laughing mermaids  wish to embrace personal growth.



I agree with all of that Shali, I am learning all the time on here to see another side to life which I have never experienced, I know I am too open and affectionate at times, I have over many years of counselling opened up to my playful inner child, who gets me into all sorts of scrapes, but that is who I am take it or leave it. I will go and design a Red Room for us now. :hide:


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## Warrigal (Jun 9, 2015)

I'm married and I never flirt.
 That's how I've stayed married for 52 years.

Just so you all know.


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## merlin (Jun 9, 2015)

Shalimar said:


> Merlin, I love the idea of a playroom on the forum, not just for flirting, but encompassing all forms of irreverence outside of creepy.



I guess we could have a large playroom with annexes for flirting with a bar, and a skulkers room with lots of dark corners and no windows, only spy holes.......oh dear I am off on another fantasy trip,    ops1:   more self flagellation is imminent Shali, I will need comforting soon


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

Will do, Merlin.


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## Warrigal (Jun 9, 2015)

:lol: Never mind "Get a room".
We are now up to "Take a cold shower". :grin:


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## merlin (Jun 9, 2015)

Dame Warrigal said:


> I'm married and I never flirt.
> That's how I've stayed married for 52 years.
> 
> Just so you all know.



I never flirt either Dame only in the virtual world, and then only since I passed 70,  I would be rubbish in the real world


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## merlin (Jun 9, 2015)

Dame Warrigal said:


> :lol: Never mind "Get a room".
> We are now up to "Take a cold shower". :grin:



Dame,  Shali and I are way beyond cold showers, in any case Mermaids are turned on by cold showers I believe nthego:


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

I, too, can run into difficulties being as emotionally accessible as I choose to be. That, said, it has been a long and painful journey out of spiritual and emotional  paralysis to become the person I am--still under construction, of course. Part of being an effective therapist is embracing the humanity of oneself as well as others. Part of being a content and balanced human being is similar as well IMHO. Please design our red room Merlin, interestingly enough, I have a raspberry red living and dining room.


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## Ralphy1 (Jun 9, 2015)

This serious young lad has been disturbed by the behavior of some of the women here and I call them out on it when they go too far...


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

Ralphy, the only thing that disturbs you is an inability to completely indulge your hedonistic inclinations.nthego:


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## merlin (Jun 9, 2015)

Shalimar said:


> I, too, can run into difficulties being as emotionally accessible as I choose to be. That, said, it has been a long and painful journey out of spiritual and emotional  paralysis to become the person I am--still under construction, of course. Part of being an effective therapist is embracing the humanity of oneself as well as others. Part of being a content and balanced human being is similar as well IMHO. Please design our red room Merlin, interestingly enough, I have a raspberry red living and dining room.



OK Shali all us playmates will come over to yours (with wine) while I design the one here nthego:


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

Come on over, Merlin etal. I will also offer non alcoholic beverages. Please let me know what snacks I should provide.


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## QuickSilver (Jun 9, 2015)

There already IS a room for flirting...  It's called Private messages... and it is very private..


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## merlin (Jun 9, 2015)

Shalimar said:


> Come on over, Merlin etal. I will also offer non alcoholic beverages. Please let me know what snacks I should provide.



I am on way Shali on the wings of an angel, I love cheese of course and strawberries and whatever you can conjure up in your abode....nthego:


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## merlin (Jun 9, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> There already IS a room for flirting...  It's called Private messages... and it is very private..



Sort of but its not a room for partying, more for a one to one counselling session, and no windows


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

Cheese and fresh local strawberries it is Merlin. Perhaps I can tempt you with some Canadian cuisine as well.


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## Ralphy1 (Jun 9, 2015)

This is all too strange even for this old hedonist...


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

Merlin, re pm, very well put. Counselling indeed. Lol. Honestly, what is the problem here? If we are permitted a permanent thread for irreverence, no one's sensibilities should be affected. This should be viewed as a sincere attempt at compromise, rather than a tug of war over who is right and who is wrong. IMHO.


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## merlin (Jun 9, 2015)

Shalimar said:


> Merlin, re pm, very well put. Counselling indeed. Lol. Honestly, what is the problem here? If we are permitted a permanent thread for irreverence, no one's sensibilities should be affected. This should be viewed as a sincere attempt at compromise, rather than a tug of war over who is right and who is wrong. IMHO.



We already have a Humour thread Shali, its just jokes there, which have there place, but spontaneous humour is created by the interplay between other subjects and posts?


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

I expressed myself poorly Merlin. By irreverence I meant all things frivolous or silly, especially flirting. These interactions are not available on the Humour thread.


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## merlin (Jun 9, 2015)

Shalimar said:


> I expressed myself poorly Merlin. By irreverence I meant all things frivolous or silly, especially flirting. These interactions are not available on the Humour thread.



Yes but how would that work if a separate thread, divorced from the source of the spontaneity created in other threads, I don't do irreverence for its own sake?


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## Ralphy1 (Jun 9, 2015)

Yup, Merlin is right, the twists and turns make the initial threads interesting, funny and irreverent at times...


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

Ok, Merlin and Ralphy, I will stop tying myself in knots trying to find a compromise that the thread police (joke) will not find offensive. Lol. Carry on!


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## Ralphy1 (Jun 9, 2015)

Good, and let this be a reminder to you, and the other ladies who visit here, that the male perspective is usually the correct one...


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

Ralphy, I was unaware that men had developed a perspective. Did this mutation spontaneously erupt while I was asleep? Rats, I missed it!


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## merlin (Jun 9, 2015)

Ralphy1 said:


> Yup, Merlin is right, the twists and turns make the initial threads interesting, funny and irreverent at times...


 Thanks Ralphy have a hug :bighug:


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## Ralphy1 (Jun 9, 2015)

No, no, it was there from the beginning, as God was a male and he realized that males are better suited to make the decisions that guide earthly matters, and it is evident that this was correct...


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

Ralphy, denial is alive and well, and sharing your tree house accommodations! Lol.


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## Ralphy1 (Jun 9, 2015)

There will be a mop and a broom in the tree house so you can fill your womanly role...


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## QuickSilver (Jun 9, 2015)

merlin said:


> Sort of but its not a room for partying, more for a one to one counselling session, and no windows



You could start your own thread..  "For Flirting and Teasing only"  could be a name... and just keep it going like the "What's on your agenda"  thread with 200+ pages..  that way those of us that want to read that stuff can go there... and those of us that don't want to... don't have to wade through it before getting to the topic.    Sound like a plan?


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## Ralphy1 (Jun 9, 2015)

Merlin and I have already decided this matter with Shali's stamp of approval...


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## QuickSilver (Jun 9, 2015)

Well then...  I guess the forum bosses have decided...


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## Ralphy1 (Jun 9, 2015)

Yes, and try to show us more respect in the future...


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## QuickSilver (Jun 9, 2015)

Ralphy1 said:


> Yes, and try to show us more respect in the future...



Oh sure.... and I'll curtsey as I scroll by page after page of wine and cheese just to find out if anyone is actually discussing the topic.   Problem is... I have to figure out if there is a one finger curtsey.    JUST TEASING...... hahahahahaha


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

QS, hahahahahahaha.


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## QuickSilver (Jun 9, 2015)

I'm not REALLY kidding.


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

I realise that, QS.


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## Ralphy1 (Jun 9, 2015)

Now, now, ladies, kindly calm down and accept the natural laws of the universe and, thus, this forum...


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## Warrigal (Jun 9, 2015)

:tongue:

It seems I have to edit my post.

What I actually meant to say was :tongue:* @ Ralphy.*

It seems my attempt at humour was misunderstood.
Sorry.


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

Well put, DW.


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## Ralphy1 (Jun 9, 2015)

Be careful, Merlin has special powers that he could employ to make you fall in line...


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

Ralphy go play in your garden. DW is soooo out of your league. Don't even go there! Lol.


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## applecruncher (Jun 9, 2015)

Dame Warrigal said:


> Humour is a good way to de-escalate tension and valuable in its own right.
> 
> However, when a topic in the Current News and Hot Topics section degenerates into a group flirting session the middle path I take is the one that leads to the exit.



But you shouldn't have to do that (leave). A few people tell me they've reported the disruptions, but nothing was done. Moderation should step in, and since that's not being done members need to speak out.

The “aw shucks, we’re just trying to inject some humor and anyone who doesn’t like it should move on” rationale is BS.

Humor? Acceptance? _Really?_  Why should members be forced to wade thru several pages of “cutesy”, corny, repetitious, self-serving off-topic garbage in order to get back to the discussion of the topic? It’s always the same handful of people who are desperate for attention and don’t know when to quit. THEY are the ones who need to move on.

I received several positive rep comments and also a few PMs. Only 1 of the PMs was unfavorable, so we agreed to disagree and that’s okay.


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## Warrigal (Jun 9, 2015)

I like this forum and I don't want to break it.
Seriously.


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## Ralphy1 (Jun 9, 2015)

Yes, just go with the flow, folks, and you will be fine, even if you don'like the water...


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## SifuPhil (Jun 9, 2015)

I am beginning to see the beginnings of what led to my leaving many other forums - namely, the segregation of topics, categories and thought processes into infinitely smaller areas. While I understand Merlin's concern, what I fear is the eventual development of dozens of special-interest cells while the group _zeitgeist_ becomes one of propriety, political correctness and knowing one's place, all formulated by the  cell's leaders.

Hardly the Middle Way.


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## applecruncher (Jun 9, 2015)

Agree with QS - some people need to take it to PM or start a separate "Flirt/Tease" thread instead of polluting other discussions.  If anyone wants to interpret that as an "attack", go ahead.  I really don't care.


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

Phil, I think Merlin is trying to find an equitable compromise. I am trying to remain centred and balanced among shifting sands. Lol.


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## QuickSilver (Jun 9, 2015)

I have no problem with threads going off topic...  It makes them interesting and the twists and turns are fun as everyone offers an opinion.  What I DO have a problem with is the same few people that carry their banter into thread after thread without even trying to contribute to it.  It's private conversation that is  just pure attention seeking drivel.  I can understand why the idea of a separate Flirt/Tease thread hasn't been of interest.. because THEN we could ignore it.   


And... Like AC..  if this is considered an attack..  tough.   It's my opinion... because I love this forum and don't want to see it ruined either.


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## merlin (Jun 9, 2015)

SifuPhil said:


> I am beginning to see the beginnings of what led to my leaving many other forums - namely, the segregation of topics, categories and thought processes into infinitely smaller areas. While I understand Merlin's concern, what I fear is the eventual development of dozens of special-interest cells while the group _zeitgeist_ becomes one of propriety, political correctness and knowing one's place, all formulated by the  cell's leaders.
> 
> Hardly the Middle Way.


I agree Phil .... I see this forum as a microcosm of the  real world if we can't settle our differences here what chance does humanity have in ending wars anytime soon


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## QuickSilver (Jun 9, 2015)

merlin said:


> I agree Phil .... I see this forum as a microcosm of the  real world if we can't settle our differences here what chance does humanity have in ending wars anytime soon



Yes Merlin...  But the title of the forum is the SENIOR forum...   Not the Merlin and Shali forum.   Start your own flirt/Tease thread and have at it..   I started a Wine and Cheese thread just for you.


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## SifuPhil (Jun 9, 2015)

Shalimar said:


> Phil, I think Merlin is trying to find an equitable compromise. I am trying to remain centred and balanced among shifting sands. Lol.



I understand, but "curing" this particular "disease" so often seems to lead to a structure amazingly similar to pre-war Germany. 

And, I know that comment will manage to offend someone somewhere but at this point I don't really care. This forum has stood out among all the others chiefly because of its rich mix of member personalities. As soon as certain personality types are placed in padded, locked rooms "for their own safety and well-being" you start down the long, dark road. 

I would only add to Merlin's Buddhist philosophy with a wee bit of Taoist thought - go to that which attracts you, avoid what repulses you and make no remarks on either.


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## QuickSilver (Jun 9, 2015)

SifuPhil said:


> I understand, but "curing" this particular "disease" so often seems to lead to a structure amazingly similar to pre-war Germany.
> 
> And, I know that comment will manage to offend someone somewhere but at this point I don't really care. This forum has stood out among all the others chiefly because of its rich mix of member personalities. As soon as certain personality types are placed in padded, locked rooms "for their own safety and well-being" you start down the long, dark road.
> 
> I would only add to Merlin's Buddhist philosophy with a wee bit of Taoist thought - go to that which attracts you, avoid what repulses you and make no remarks on either.



Isn't it hard to do that when almost all threads are changed into unrelated and personal banter between a handful of people?  

But perhaps you are right...  I'm just going to put a few people on ignore and then I'll have no problem finding the actual conversation.


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

Thank you Phil, I was beginning to wonder if there truly was room for individuals of a different stripe on this site. You and I butted heads once, but have moved on. Surely if we can find common ground among our disparate opinions, others can also. You have given me hope that resolution is possible. Namaste.


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## Ralphy1 (Jun 9, 2015)

As an avid hedonist I say savor the variety of thoughts that go with the "meal" of any thread.  Now about my garden, I have narrowed down my pots and planters to a few with spring, summer, and fall offerings, but maybe I will post particulars on the Sleep thread...


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## SifuPhil (Jun 9, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> Isn't it hard to do that when almost all threads are changed into unrelated and personal banter between a handful of people?



 Now, c'mon ... it really isn't ALL threads, is it? 

It probably just _seems_ that way! 

I truly do get that such habits seem almost OCD after being exposed to them for so long. My personal wall-thumpers are nail-biters and people who eat with their mouths open, but that's in the real world - Lord knows the online one has dozens of its own examples.

I've found one effective weapon to use against that which displeases me - totally ignoring the act / person / words. Many times, denying them an audience will lead to their disappearance. I know it takes a certain amount of forbearance and it_ will_ take time - but if the balance is to be maintained it might be wise to move the weights on the scale slowly rather than precipitously.


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

Ralphy, if you do so, be certain you are ready for that ominous knock on the door. And pleez find me a lawyer. Lol.


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## Ralphy1 (Jun 9, 2015)

We have a large contingent of lawyers here but most of them want a nice retainer.  How's your cash stash?


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

Not great, Ralphy. Perhaps someone will do pro bono. Seriously, I find the level of hostility expressed by some who hold strong views on forum etiquette, yet readily eschew common courtesy, difficult for this Canadian to fathom.


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## Ralphy1 (Jun 9, 2015)

Perhaps they are not into gardening...


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

During my career, I have seen up close the devastating affect that words can have. Please, people, even if you are convinced your view is the correct one, people are fragile, and verbal slings often leave horrific permanent wounds. If you can't be kind, at least avoid cruelty.


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## Ralphy1 (Jun 9, 2015)

Studies have shown that men and women can seem to be speaking different languages at times.  From my own experience I find this to be true.  Men can speak a lot gruffer in just the company of men and this habit can carry over at times in mixed company...


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

Perhaps, Ralphy, they are into control instead.


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

Actually, on this forum, Ralphy, it is usually women who seem ready to deliberately use words as weapons. This is different from the sometimes gruff speech of some men.


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## Warrigal (Jun 9, 2015)

Shali, I haven't read any cruel words in this thread and I hope that I haven't posted anything that could be construed as cruel anywhere else. I am keenly aware that behind every username and avatar is a real person who carries wounds that we are all unaware of. Sometimes I forget this and get a bit testy, but don't we all occasionally? 

Try not to take anything personally. I always ask myself "How much will this matter in a hundred years?" and if the answer is "Not one bit" I make myself let it go. It helps me maintain my equilibrium when it is getting shaky.

:rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose:


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## Ralphy1 (Jun 9, 2015)

Yes, women have been shown to be much more verbal than men and can really wield the verbal sword,  men will threaten to or use violence when they can't keep up verbally...


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

DW, my statement was not directed at you, nor were my remarks around the emotional damage words can cause directed  towards myself. I was referencing clients I have known. That said, not everyone has your emotional equilibrium, and things that might not affect you could be taken to heart by a more high strung individual. I am speaking of respect towards our fellow 
posters and their feelings.


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

Ralphy, I know of some verbally gifted men, but unfortunately, many men who can't keep up resort to intimidation or violence.


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## Ralphy1 (Jun 9, 2015)

Yes, be gentle with me as it is my first forum...


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## NancyNGA (Jun 9, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> I have no problem with threads going off topic...  It makes them interesting and the twists and turns are fun as everyone offers an opinion.  What I DO have a problem with is the same few people that carry their banter into thread after thread without even trying to contribute to it.  It's private conversation that is  just pure attention seeking drivel.  I can understand why the idea of a separate Flirt/Tease thread hasn't been of interest.. because THEN we could ignore it.
> 
> 
> And... Like AC..  if this is considered an attack..  tough.   It's my opinion... because I love this forum and don't want to see it ruined either.



Well put.  I usually keep quiet about stuff like this, but I'm weighing in because it is a bit cowardly (for me) to let a few others take all the heat.


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## QuickSilver (Jun 9, 2015)

SifuPhil said:


> Now, c'mon ... it really isn't ALL threads, is it?
> 
> It probably just _seems_ that way!
> 
> ...



And that my friend is what the "ignore" button is for...  works like a charm.


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## applecruncher (Jun 9, 2015)

> What I DO have a problem with is the *same few people that carry their banter into thread after thread without even trying to contribute to it. *It's private conversation that is just pure attention seeking drivel. I can understand why the idea of a separate Flirt/Tease thread hasn't been of interest.. because THEN we could ignore it.



Nailed it, QS.

Also think some of these people miss the old AOL chatrooms, where you could just pop in, type a sentence, "lol", maybe flirt (with another anonymous screen name). end with "lol", lather, rinse, repeat.....lol, lol, lol


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## Cookie (Jun 9, 2015)

I'm not a big fan either of suggestive and provocative flirting between some participants that often break a perfectly good thread. PMs would be a more appropriate way to go. Or, perhaps a dating forum would better suit. 

I agree humor and a bit of banter is fun and I admit I have been known to get a little riske myself, but I find it irritating and a turn-off when threads are incessantly highjacked or invaded by posts with a ****** agenda, and no, I am not an uptight schoolmarm.


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

I find it interesting that supposedly risqué behaviour is found to be more damning than personal attacks. I am certainly willing to tone down behaviour that may appear too provocative to some, however, I doubt any such restraint on the part of those who feel justified in handing out derisive remarks will be forthcoming.


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## SifuPhil (Jun 9, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> And that my friend is what the "ignore" button is for...  works like a charm.



Something I've always wondered about the ignore button - what happens when the person you're ignoring comes out with a world-changing post. a post so germane to you personally that it would forever improve your life, and you miss it because you're ignoring them?

Another thing that puts a burr under my saddle about the ignore function is that it requires no discipline and shields us from the real world. It's like the rich people I used to see in NYC approaching a beggar and shielding their eyes so they could just make them disappear.

Once again referencing Merlin's OP - we need to learn to accept the "suffering" in life. Perhaps part of that, for some of us, might include utilizing selective reading skills instead of employing blind ignorance of a person.


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## QuickSilver (Jun 9, 2015)

Of course you are entitled to your opinion... and feel free to wade through all the nonsense..  I prefer not seeing it.. since they apparently are not planning on stopping.  So everyone is happy... right..

That said..  This is a social forum that we come to in order to enjoy conversation on interesting topics.   I am under no illusion or expectation that someone will post something that will radically alter my life.   It's entertainment and it's camaraderie, and if a few are making it hard for others to enjoy the experience.. why should we suck it up and put up with it when there is an easy fix?


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## applecruncher (Jun 9, 2015)

> what happens when the person you're ignoring comes out with a world-changing post. a post so germane to you personally that it would forever improve your life, and you miss it because you're ignoring them?



Highly unlikely.  Not something I intend to worry about.

And the ignore function on an internet message board is not "shielding" me from real life.


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## SifuPhil (Jun 9, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> ... why should we suck it up and put up with it when there is an easy fix?



... because this forum is not a Democracy, but is a privately-owned site where the only rules are those set forth by the owner? Just because a mass of people hold to a particular viewpoint doesn't necessarily make that viewpoint correct.


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## SifuPhil (Jun 9, 2015)

applecruncher said:


> Highly unlikely.  Not something I intend to worry about.



Understandable.



> And the ignore function on an internet message board is not "shielding" me from real life.



I've seen many examples where it does.


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## Happyflowerlady (Jun 9, 2015)

Personally, I don't mind if a thread goes off-topic, that happens in most real life conversations (at least it does with me), and is part of how a "real" converation works.  However, when the whole topic is lost, that is frustrating, but not a big issue, since I can just scroll though the fluff if I don't care to read it. 

Personal attacks are (to me) a totally different issue, and I think that we, as mature people, should be able to express our opinions and thoughts politely to each other, and not attack the people who have a dissenting opinion. 
It is one thing to disagree with a person's views (political or otherwise), but entirely another to attack them personally for believing that way. 
Warrigal stands out as a wonderful example of being able to do this diplomatically. 
She is totally able to express how she thinks, believes, or feels about any subject; yet I have never ever seen her be disrespectful of anyone else's differing viewpoint. 

I have been a part of this forum for quite a while; but I finally got to the place where I didn't even want to post about anything, or read what other people were posting, simply because of the personal attacks on people, rather than a discussion of ideas. 

I realize that we all have a different description of what a personal attack consists of, and what might seem like that to one person, might just seem like normal conversation to the other person, so some of this is subjective. 
One of the things that seems to be misssing in the world today is something that most of us grew up with, and that is the art of being graceful in our conversations with other people.  I (for one) miss that kindness and gentility that people took for granted at one time.


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## applecruncher (Jun 9, 2015)

> I've seen many examples where it does.



Not for me.  There are hundreds of thousands of websites I never have nor ever will see, and millions of people post on them.  I can't/don't want to read _everything_.  I don't depend on internet forums to keep me connected to real life - quite the contrary.  If I miss something, well, too bad so sad.

If you don't like the ignore function, don't use it.  That's your right.


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## Cookie (Jun 9, 2015)

Shalimar said:


> I find it interesting that supposedly risqué behaviour is found to be more damning than personal attacks. I am certainly willing to tone down behaviour that may appear too provocative to some, however, I doubt any such restraint on the part of those who feel justified in handing out derisive remarks will be forthcoming.



I don't think anyone or anything is being damned here.  No one likes derisive personal comments, but people are people and it happens when they feel strongly about their beliefs/opinions and personalities have a way of clashing. We can pretty much tell what someone's issues, interests and priorities are by what they focus on here.  Interesting, isn't it?


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## applecruncher (Jun 9, 2015)

Provocative is not the issue - the problem has been clearly stated. Some are choosing to feign confusion and innocence. Might fool some but not me.


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

AC your take on this situation is fascinating. I may publish a paper on it.


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

Cookie, there certainly are many interesting opinions expressed on this forum.


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## Cookie (Jun 9, 2015)

I agree to agree!


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## Shalimar (Jun 9, 2015)

Cookie, HaHaHaHa.


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## RadishRose (Jun 9, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> There already IS a room for flirting...  It's called Private messages... and it is very private..



Agree!


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## oakapple (Jun 9, 2015)

I wouldn't normally say anything, but I have found all the flirty banter, that seems to infect a lot of threads, annoying and boring too.I thought it was just me, but it seems not.A little of it now and again is alright, but there has been a lot.What I don't understand is why Merlin started this thread, as it has not had the reaction he may have expected?It's no big thing in the scheme of things, but I liked this forum because up to recently, it was friendly, but just that and nothing more.Perhaps we can just have a little less of it, and move on now?However, it's a democratic forum and if others want it, then that is what will happen .


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## Meanderer (Jun 9, 2015)

Happyflowerlady said:


> Personally, I don't mind if a thread goes off-topic, that happens in most real life conversations (at least it does with me), and is part of how a "real" converation works.  However, when the whole topic is lost, that is frustrating, but not a big issue, since I can just scroll though the fluff if I don't care to read it.
> 
> Personal attacks are (to me) a totally different issue, and I think that we, as mature people, should be able to express our opinions and thoughts politely to each other, and not attack the people who have a dissenting opinion.
> It is one thing to disagree with a person's views (political or otherwise), but entirely another to attack them personally for believing that way.
> ...


Well said, Hfl!  I agree.


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## Shirley (Jun 9, 2015)

oakapple said:


> I wouldn't normally say anything, but I have found all the flirty banter, that seems to infect a lot of threads, annoying and boring too.I thought it was just me, but it seems not.A little of it now and again is alright, but there has been a lot.What I don't understand is why Merlin started this thread, as it has not had the reaction he may have expected?It's no big thing in the scheme of things, but I liked this forum because up to recently, it was friendly, but just that and nothing more.Perhaps we can just have a little less of it, and move on now?However, it's a democratic forum and if others want it, then that is what will happen .



I think there are many of us who don't say what we really think here.  I said what I thought a few weeks ago and it was immediately removed. I was told in no uncertain terms if I didn't like it, leave. Since then, I have been afraid to say what I think for fear I will be banned.


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## SifuPhil (Jun 9, 2015)

SifuPhil said:


> ... because this forum is not a Democracy, but is a privately-owned site ...





oakapple said:


> .... However, it's a democratic forum and if others want it, then that is what will happen .



Oh, _no_! Provocation! Conflict! *Interpersonal warfare!!! *

:hypnotysed::glee:


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## AZ Jim (Jun 9, 2015)

We don't all see things the same but if you don't like the A side of the Menu, you can select from the B side.  Personally I think there's room for us all under the tent.


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## Warrigal (Jun 9, 2015)

Then there is the option of starting a group. I have done this a couple of times. 

The first was to allow serious discussions without the thread derailing frivolities.
People who didn't enjoy serious discussion simply did not join the group.

The second was an opportunity to discuss matters relating to spirituality free from condemnation from people who are ideologically opposed to the very idea.

Both groups flowered briefly then died.

Perhaps someone needs to start a group for wanton and ribald conversations? I reckon it would be a goer.


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## Cookie (Jun 9, 2015)

Wanton and ribald group?  So funny!   But a good idea DW, for those here that are so inclined.


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## Underock1 (Jun 9, 2015)

merlin said:


> .
> I just felt I needed to say something about the humour and teasing that goes on here at times. I know this cropped up in AZ Jim's lovely thread welcoming all newcomers. I didn't want to spoil that thread so thought I would start this one to open up a discussion on it.
> 
> I am as guilty as anyone (possibly more) on here, of trivialising or in my opinion introducing some humour and lightness into some otherwise more serious threads. Personally I don't feel many areas of life that can't be tempered or helped by injecting some humour into them.
> ...



I'm with you 100%, Merlin. Although I am not a Buddhist, I to have found much wisdom in many of the sayings attributed to him. "Everything that has a beginning, has an ending. _Make your peace with that_, and all will be well." Acceptance is the key. 

You can find something to laugh at in almost everything we do on a daily basis. I live alone now, and I think about how much laughter people are missing by not seeing me struggle through the day.  I kind of think of life as a cosmic joke, with a wopper of a punch line.


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## merlin (Jun 10, 2015)

Underock1 said:


> I'm with you 100%, Merlin. Although I am not a Buddhist, I to have found much wisdom in many of the sayings attributed to him. "Everything that has a beginning, has an ending. _Make your peace with that_, and all will be well." Acceptance is the key.
> 
> You can find something to laugh at in almost everything we do on a daily basis. I live alone now, and I think about how much laughter people are missing by not seeing me struggle through the day.  I kind of think of life as a cosmic joke, with a wopper of a punch line.



Thank you Underock, I always used the acceptance concept as a therapist, sadly humanity will never take that route. I said earlier in this thread, that this forum is a microcosm of life in the real world, wars and conflict will occur.

To be honest, I feel this phase of human evolution is approaching and probably already in the end game, I don't think we can survive the escalation of greed and conflict that we see everywhere. 

Yes I agree with you it is at one level its all a cosmic joke and I am too old to continue to take it that seriously, hopefully the next phase of humanity if enough of us survive this destructive one, will be at a higher level of consciousness. In the meantime I am living in the moment and life is pretty wonderful I experience loving people everywhere, and this is my best decade so far.

Who knows where the middle path will take me, perhaps to another planet with a more highly evolved population   

Just my thoughts as they roll out this morning...


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## chic (Jun 10, 2015)

When someone starts a thread here, the first 4 or 5 responses will be interesting and then the thread gets "hijacked" so by the time you reach page three, you've forgotten the topic being discussed. Having been here for 11 months now, I'm used to this, and able to just let it go but, it must be harder for newbies who just want to be included by expressing their thoughts on the topic of a posted thread which they cannot do when said thread is always being diverted.

It's a fine dance to figure what's best for everyone.


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## merlin (Jun 10, 2015)

SifuPhil said:


> Oh, _no_! Provocation! Conflict! *Interpersonal warfare!!! *
> 
> :hypnotysed::glee:



I agree Phil your posts are always good to read, there are no ultimate answers really are there, live in the moment, bury your head in the sand and make out everything will be ok if the other person agrees with my viewpoint, or choose your particular addiction to take your mind off the reality of a world that is simply not working.


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## Underock1 (Jun 10, 2015)

I know where the middle path takes me. Its the one that goes from the bedroom to the bathroom. It serves me well.


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## Shalimar (Jun 10, 2015)

Does writing poetry count as an addiction? It is a sanity saver for me.


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## oakapple (Jun 10, 2015)

SifuPhil said:


> Oh, _no_! Provocation! Conflict! *Interpersonal warfare!!! *
> 
> :hypnotysed::glee:


Now Phil, you know as well as I do what was meant here.It IS a site with it's own rules, true, but democratic in that  what the greater number of people on here like and want will happen, so the few can't overrule the many.:awman:


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## oakapple (Jun 10, 2015)

Probably time we got back to normality now?


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## Ralphy1 (Jun 10, 2015)

A good limerick makes my day...:love_heart:


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## Shalimar (Jun 10, 2015)

Ralphy, why don't you share one with us?


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## Ralphy1 (Jun 10, 2015)

There once was a man who wore manties,
all the men thought that he was a dandy,
but with the women he was handy,
though some thought him to be too randy.


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## Warrigal (Jun 10, 2015)

There's a line missing in that limerick.
And it doesn't scan.


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## Ralphy1 (Jun 10, 2015)

Well, it was just off the top of my head at an early hour here...&#55357;&#56860;


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## Warrigal (Jun 10, 2015)

This is a limerick
There once was a man wearing manties,
reputed to be a great dandy.
The women he met
were taking a bet,
on whether he ever got randy​


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## Josiah (Jun 10, 2015)

I'm frequently disappointed when a thread in which consequential ideas are being exchanged is suddenly sidetracked by a cluster of kidding comments and a posed on-topic question goes completely ignored. I'm totally in agreement with the Dame on this matter. I don't mind a clever or witty comment that is relevant to the OP. In general, I have been disappointed in the overall quality of the threads recently.


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## Warrigal (Jun 10, 2015)

Josiah, I have been thinking that there comes a time when it is time to leave a forum.
Sometimes it is because they just die and no-one bothers posting any more, sometimes because nothing new is ever posted.
Sometimes we have been here too long and the novelty value just wears off. 

I have noticed that a lot of members that I used to recognise are now silent. I don't think that this is anyone's fault. I think it is a natural progression and perhaps I'm coming to the same end point. 

The same thing is happening on other forums. Two are dying and another is becoming so predictable that it's hardly worth posting. 
Perhaps the common denominator is me. Perhaps I should get my life back and write my book. :dunno:


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## QuickSilver (Jun 10, 2015)

Thanks all.....   I'm glad to see I was not alone...  I tried dropping some casual hints, but those were ignored and laughed.   Since  I  have never been the type to just not say anything when something bothers me... and apparently many others... I spoke up....       If that makes me the...







So be it.    But that was not my intention.


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## Ralphy1 (Jun 10, 2015)

Please don't go all anal on us...nthego:


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## SifuPhil (Jun 10, 2015)

merlin said:


> I agree Phil your posts are always good to read, there are no ultimate answers really are there, live in the moment, bury your head in the sand and make out everything will be ok if the other person agrees with my viewpoint, or choose your particular addiction to take your mind off the reality of a world that is simply not working.



Those DO seem to be our two choices, don't they? 

As I believe was discussed many moons ago in another thread here, acceptance is the next big step beyond tolerance, and as a race we don't seem to have finished learning our lessons on that topic yet. Little wonder we aren't yet as accepting as we could be.

Actually Taoism doesn't advocate head-burying - they advocate learning from the past and planning for the future but living in the moment - not dwelling in either extreme. In fact, they're all about balance and following the middle way, so at least in that regard they're similar to Buddhism. 

Addictions ... *sigh* ... they're what makes the world go 'round!


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## applecruncher (Jun 10, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> Thanks all..... I'm glad to see I was not alone... I tried dropping some casual hints, but those were ignored and laughed. Since I have never been the type to just not say anything when something bothers me... and apparently many others... I spoke up.... If that makes me the...
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I must say that's a damn fine-lookin' badge, QS.  I'm kinda jealous.


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## QuickSilver (Jun 10, 2015)

SifuPhil said:


> Those DO seem to be our two choices, don't they?
> 
> As I believe was discussed many moons ago in another thread here, acceptance is the next big step beyond tolerance, and as a race we don't seem to have finished learning our lessons on that topic yet. Little wonder we aren't yet as accepting as we could be.
> 
> ...



SifuPhil.....  acceptance is a much weightier topic than just putting up with nonsense on a social forum.   I am accepting of things that I cannot change, which I think is the main point.   Things that can be changed?  A much different matter.


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## QuickSilver (Jun 10, 2015)

applecruncher said:


> I must say that's a damn fine-lookin' badge, QS.  I'm kinda jealous.



Don't be jealous..   I have one for you too...   Consider yourself deputized.

Oh... and anyone else wanting one?  I have a whole box in the back.   lol!!


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## applecruncher (Jun 10, 2015)

Josiah said:


> I'm frequently disappointed when a thread in which consequential ideas are being exchanged is suddenly *sidetracked by a cluster of kidding comments and a posed on-topic question goes completely ignored.* I'm totally in agreement with the Dame on this matter. I don't mind a clever or witty comment that is relevant to the OP. In general, I have been disappointed in the overall quality of the threads recently.



hmmm. Yeah, I know what you mean. Guess that's where we're supposed to apply Buddism, or look at the menu and choose from colum A or B, or some such thing.

Seriously though, it's usually desperation for attention. Like when a few adults are talking and a toddler screams "Look at ME! Pay attention to ME!" Then another toddler gets the same idea, etc. etc.


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## SifuPhil (Jun 10, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> SifuPhil.....  acceptance is a much weightier topic than just putting up with nonsense on a social forum.   I am accepting of things that I cannot change, which I think is the main point.   Things that can be changed?  A much different matter.



But if humanity had always accepted things that they thought they couldn't change we'd still be striking flints in caves, wouldn't we? 

EVERYTHING changes. It might not be due to our intervention but they DO change. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try ...


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## Ralphy1 (Jun 10, 2015)

Yes, I'll take one providing that I can do the strip searching...


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## QuickSilver (Jun 10, 2015)

SifuPhil said:


> But if humanity had always accepted things that they thought they couldn't change we'd still be striking flints in caves, wouldn't we?
> 
> EVERYTHING changes. It might not be due to our intervention but they DO change. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try ...




Well Phil....  I guess that's exactly what I did...


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## SifuPhil (Jun 10, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> Well Phil....  I guess that's exactly what I did...



Then you can be proud of your effort and promptly move on. 

See, that's where I've experienced a lot of problems - I found I couldn't change a situation or a person, and although I _thought_ I moved on I was still carrying the baggage of my failure. It wasn't until I learned to toss that baggage into the garbage that I was truly freed. 

Since Merlin brought up Buddhist thought in another thread, here's a Zen story that illustrates my point ...



> [FONT=arial, helvetica, verdana, sans-serif]Two monks were making a pilgrimage to venerate the relics of a great Saint. During the course of their journey, they came to a river where they met a beautiful young woman -- an apparently worldly creature, dressed in expensive finery and with her hair done up in the latest fashion. She was afraid of the current and afraid of ruining her lovely clothing, so asked the brothers if they might carry her across the river.
> 
> The younger and more exacting of the brothers was offended at the very idea and turned away with an attitude of disgust. The older brother didn't hesitate, and quickly picked the woman up on his shoulders, carried her across the river, and set her down on the other side. She thanked him and went on her way, and the brother waded back through the waters.
> 
> ...


https://www.fisheaters.com/twomonks.html


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## Warrigal (Jun 10, 2015)

Excellent parable, Phil. :clap:


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## SifuPhil (Jun 10, 2015)

Dame Warrigal said:


> Excellent parable, Phil. :clap:



Thanks. I always liked that one a lot.

... which perhaps explains the phase I went through where I hung out at the edge of the river ... :cower:


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## merlin (Jun 10, 2015)

SifuPhil said:


> Then you can be proud of your effort and promptly move on.
> 
> See, that's where I've experienced a lot of problems - I found I couldn't change a situation or a person, and although I _thought_ I moved on I was still carrying the baggage of my failure. It wasn't until I learned to toss that baggage into the garbage that I was truly freed.
> 
> ...



Always loved that one Phil, says it all really!


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## Underock1 (Jun 10, 2015)

SifuPhil said:


> Then you can be proud of your effort and promptly move on.
> 
> See, that's where I've experienced a lot of problems - I found I couldn't change a situation or a person, and although I _thought_ I moved on I was still carrying the baggage of my failure. It wasn't until I learned to toss that baggage into the garbage that I was truly freed.
> 
> ...



Always happy to agree with DW.  Very good. Three word summary; "Let it go."  Simple, but impossible for so many.


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## AZ Jim (Jun 10, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> Thanks all.....   I'm glad to see I was not alone...  I tried dropping some casual hints, but those were ignored and laughed.   Since  I  have never been the type to just not say anything when something bothers me... and apparently many others... I spoke up....       If that makes me the...
> 
> 
> 
> ...



"Badges?  We don't need no stinkin badges!"  Credit: Blazing Saddles.


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## QuickSilver (Jun 10, 2015)

AZ Jim said:


> "Badges?  We don't need no stinkin badges!"  Credit: Blazing Saddles.



Here Jim....  I ordered yours special..


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## Shirley (Jun 10, 2015)

Lol


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## QuickSilver (Jun 10, 2015)

Shirley said:


> Lol



Hey Thanks!!!!   I'll wear it proudly!!  And just how would you like YOURS engraved Shirley??


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## Shirley (Jun 10, 2015)

You're welcome. It's a tough job but somebody's gotta do it.


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## QuickSilver (Jun 10, 2015)

Shirley said:


> You're welcome. It's a tough job but somebody's gotta do it.



Well... at least I know you are thinking of me...   and leaving other people alone... hahahahahahahaha!


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## Shalimar (Jun 10, 2015)

Phil, my favourite parable as well. Now my son speaks of it. Cool, or what?


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## Shirley (Jun 10, 2015)

Phil, That's the first time I have heard that parable. What a wonderful lesson. Thanks.


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## Shalimar (Jun 10, 2015)

DW, I hereby crown you sf queen of limericks ! Prize, yet to be determined. Perhaps, a life size bust of your prime minister in limburger cheese? Lollolllol.


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## QuickSilver (Jun 10, 2015)

Shirley said:


> You're welcome. It's a tough job but somebody's gotta do it.



Well anyway...  I appreciate it!    Like my new Avatar??   I love it..   Thanks again..  You're a gem..  hahahahahaha


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## SifuPhil (Jun 10, 2015)

AZ Jim said:


> "Badges?  We don't need no stinkin badges!"  Credit: Blazing Saddles.



Actually a misquote of the original lines from _Treasure of the Sierra Madre_ ... 



> *“Badges? We ain’t got no badges! We don’t need no badges!
> I don’t have to show you any stinking badges!”*





... just in case anyone cares ...


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## merlin (Jun 10, 2015)

oakapple said:


> I wouldn't normally say anything, but I have found all the flirty banter, that seems to infect a lot of threads, annoying and boring too.I thought it was just me, but it seems not.A little of it now and again is alright, but there has been a lot.What I don't understand is why Merlin started this thread, as it has not had the reaction he may have expected?It's no big thing in the scheme of things, but I liked this forum because up to recently, it was friendly, but just that and nothing more.Perhaps we can just have a little less of it, and move on now?However, it's a democratic forum and if others want it, then that is what will happen .



It has had exactly the result I expected, I sensed a simmering undercurrent of resentment to certain members and the way threads were supposedly hijacked. I always believe in excising the boil, this is what happened. 

I agree with Phil it is not a democratic forum as mentioned elsewhere.


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## oakapple (Jun 10, 2015)

That's called stirring the pot Merlin.


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## oakapple (Jun 10, 2015)

However, if it helps threads to stay a bit more on track, and a bit less coy corny banter, then it may have been worth it.


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## merlin (Jun 10, 2015)

oakapple said:


> That's called stirring the pot Merlin.


Far from stirring I was lancing, I never stir, it only prolongs the agony.


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