# What do you do to avoid getting lonely?



## overthehill

I read,walk,and have 2 wonderful doggies-Haley and Nutters and I have the internet.Thank goodness for the internet.My daughters live far away and my neighbor's are never home.
I find myself every now and then lonely.When this happens,nothing seems to help,I mean I try the usual things-listed above and cards,and I call a few people,but sometimes it really hits home,that Im lonely.
So any thoughts on what would help or what do you do?


----------



## TBN

I have a few suggestions for you that I find can keep people from feeling lonely.  1: Take up a new hobby.  Maybe something you've always thought about doing and just never had the time before?  Generally these types of things can keep your mind from focusing on loneliness.  2:   Find a local group to join. If you have a variety of interests, chances are that there exists groups that focus on those interests, (such as book club, chess, cards, etc.).  3: Write about how you feel.  Oftentimes simply getting your feelings down on paper can help you overcome them.


----------



## Bill.K

When I moved into my apartment, I had to get rid of my pets, it was hard, but needed to be done, I was lonely for a bit as my family lives close, but not close enough to walk over every night. I found some people in my apartment and neighborhood and I try to walk with them whenever I want to, and whenever they want to. I'm almost always available to walk with others, and it gets me out of the house, it's needed otherwise, I would get quite lonely. Go for a walk and meet some people


----------



## SeaBreeze

Depending on the area where you live, especially with spring weather starting, some are planting community gardens, where the people volunteer their help and advice, and the crops are used by those in need.  That would be one nice way to meet positive folks and help others in the process.


----------



## phughes

If there is a senior center in your neighborhood, give it a try. If you drive, you might want to volunteer somewhere on a regular basis. That will give you something to look forward to. If you are a member of a church, there are often senior activities to join. Photography is a great hobby if you are flying solo. Finally, since you say you enjoy being on the Internet, consider starting a blog! Wordpress makes it very easy.


----------



## deemac80

The best suggestion I know of would be get out if you can and attend events that are planned for older people. The have anything from dances to crafts to social meet and greets. Depending on what area you live in, you can always check with your local senior center or look it up online. Always be careful who you talk to and avoid anyone that mentions your income. Perhaps you could offer daycare for children. Mostly you can search on the internet for things to do. There is many sites with people that have the exact same issue.


----------



## bubble111

I love to go out for walks. I just love to spend time outside walking around new places and listening to music on my mp3 player. Like other people have said, pets are an important part of not being lonely too. I'd echo what deemac80 has said, the Internet is a great resource for keeping busy.


----------



## littlegreyfox

facebook is great for getting in touch with old and new friends, you'r be surprised how many like minded people there are out there.


----------



## AskSBC

When we are lonely, we have to make that extra effort to put ourselves out into the world... which isn't necessarily a bad thing! Loneliness reminds us that we are wasting our potential, that we can better ourselves, each other and the world around us. For every lost and lonely person, there is another lost and lonely person waiting to meet!!


----------



## valerie

Definitely you should try something new like a group activity. Anything where you meet other people will help. Maybe a cooking class or a walking group who is at your level of exercise? Important to talk to other people, I think.


----------



## Cristine

Read a book, watch a movie, get in touch with friends online. There are countless ways. Somtimes, I go for a jog or go to the bookstore


----------



## pindiwadli

Here in Aus where we live they have community houses where you can go for company and to learn things,eg learn to use a computer, cooking lessons, language lessons, sewing lessons, these lessons are really cheap eg computer lessons $2.50 an hour, and likewise for the other lessons.Also there is a meeting house for the over 50s that has lots of things to do and go on excursions.Maybe there are community houses or clubs in your area that you could go to.


----------



## jpgeek

I have a social group of friends from church, I belong to a club for tennis, and I stay active with a few hobbies that consume the majority of my spare time...

And if you still get lonely, either move into a retirement community or get a pet


----------



## SeaBreeze

You can also sign up for an exercise class, like Tai Chi, which is beneficial for seniors who are trying to remain flexible.  It's also very good for the mind and spirit.  Chances are you'll be surrounded with positive personalities, and may even make a new friend.  Once you start the classes, I'm sure you'll look forward to them, I did.  Maybe there's specifically a senior group that does Tai Chi, it's actually pretty popular.


----------



## Steve

What my wife and I do is we are members of our local theater group. They put on a few plays a year and we are active there. We get parts in every play we can and if there isn't a part for us, we work behind the scenes. That way, we are always either busy learning lines or helping out others with their lines, or working getting the stage ready for the play. We also got involved in choosing the next play and helping out in the casting...

There is a local Legion in our village but all they seem to do is either drink or play cards which we don't do either.

We do have a large section of land that keeps us busy during the nice weather. Our winters are cold, snowy and rather long where we live, so we meet every now and again at friends houses for coffee. We take turns with the houses we meet at. 

Somehow the word "bored" NEVER seems to come into our lives but there again we have each other.


----------



## OhioBob

I joined a seniors club to avoid that. We go hiking and play a lot of card games. I quite enjoy interacting with others.


----------



## OhioBob

That's a good way of putting it, wasi. These days I do find myself using the internet quite a bit when I'm not participating at the seniors club.


----------



## irene54

Hello, You can try to do a sport. Make you friends around the block!


----------



## FishWisher

I used to just get married whenever I was lonely. 

God knows it's an expensive way to find company, but the last marriage, almost 23 years ago, I really cashed in! I haven't been lonely  since. :love_heart::love_heart:


----------



## Ozarkgal

Awwww....that's sweet


----------



## SeaSparkle

overthehill said:


> I read,walk,and have 2 wonderful doggies-Haley and Nutters and I have the internet.Thank goodness for the internet.My daughters live far away and my neighbor's are never home.
> I find myself every now and then lonely.When this happens,nothing seems to help,I mean I try the usual things-listed above and cards,and I call a few people,but sometimes it really hits home,that Im lonely.
> So any thoughts on what would help or what do you do?



That's a tough one to answer as I never feel alone or lonely.  Never have, but then again I did have an imaginary friend up til about 4 1/2 years old LOL
Your public library should have daytime classes.  Sometimes they have groups such as book club or crocet/knitting circles you can join.
Join your town's senior club, they generally meet twice a month.  
Check for a beginner yoga or tai chi or take art class nearby.


----------



## That Guy

Funny, I grew up pretty much being alone in the crowd.  Children were not only not be heard but not seen, either.  So, guess I'm used to lonely.  I think that makes me connect with the world around me better.  I feel very close to nature; the clouds, the wind, animals, flowers, bugs . . . ("The trees are drawing me near.  Got to find out why . . .")  When my dad was stationed way out in the Pacific, I would wander the island by myself and explore the beach and reef.  Sometimes, one of the island dogs would find me and hang out.  That was cool.  Got in the habit of surfing alone which I know is dangerous but at the time there was no choice . . . now, it's a special treat to have nobody out but me and the sea lions and otters . . . (and the men in the gray suits that you know are there but never see . . . just as long as The Landlord doesn't charge up from below and collect the rent...)

These "daze" I enjoy the contact with strangers in public . . . in line at the store, greeting upon passing on the street, filling the car at the gas station.  It's comforting how many people are openly friendly.  I feel there's a wonderful connection that holds our humanity.  Now, it's important to not be aggressive . . . just casually friendly.  It's sad when people are too afraid to even nod "hello".

And, of course, the Lord is always with me.  I may be rather avant garde for the conservative oh-so-holier-than-thou but I do believe.  Proof of being pulled through some scary, dangerous and tough situations has an angel on my shoulder.

OH!  And I jump on here to say hello to all of you!


----------



## SifuPhil

I guess I'll have to be the odd-man-out here and state that loneliness has NEVER been a problem of mine - quite the opposite, in fact.

I don't really know the reasons why; maybe it's because I'm a Pisces, or that I'm an introspective type. Maybe it's because my self-applied label of "monk" is so apropos, or because I taught one too many meditation classes.

Maybe it's because I'm a writer who lives in his own mind, or because my only means of socializing is on the 'Net.

Whatever the reasons, I don't ever feel lonely. I have enough multiple personalities to keep me busy for TWO lifetimes.


----------



## R. Zimm

Everyone is wired differently and I think anyone can choose to break out of a rut if they want to. sometimes we get used to the associations we have already and we forget that it is real easy to meet new people. Just try a new hobby and find a group that is based around it. Check you local library, senior center, community for notices on club gatherings. Check with meetup.com as well. 

People who are getting together around an activity will always looking for new people to show off their skills to and to help learn the hobby too.


----------



## pchinvegas

As a young woman, I think I thought I needed another person to make my life complete. Better late than never I have learned I am complete and pretty damn awesome ! I ave been divorced since 97', and without a partner since 2009. I am fortunate to be close to family and I have no time to be lonely. Occasionally, I see a couple and feel a twinge , then I slap the person closest to me and realize LIFE IS GREAT!


----------



## Lady K

I have had my grandson and dau with me for over 4 years and prior to that my husband, I think I am kind of looking forward to some alone time. In my single days prior to my deceased hubby and kids, I always got outside doing some actvity to get over blues  of being lonely. Volunteering is great also. They are needed at YMCA,hospitals, thrift stores etc and you get to meet other volunteers who you might share similar interests.


----------



## Happyflowerlady

It looks like a lot of good suggestions to keep busy. I think sometimes life is just lonely. I am not close to my kids, and my husband is lost in TV land. I have my little dogs, Chipper is snuggled up on a pillow on my lap as I am typing this, and he is always right there beside me, whatever I am doing. I found an alternative news forum, and I really enjoy reading, and sometimes posting on there. I have an iPad, and I keep up with my friends and family with Facebook . Just checking FB and reading what is happening in everyone's lives, really cheers me up and I feel so much closer to them. Visiting with FaceTime is almost like being there !  Posting on forums like this one also adds variety and interest to my life, so I look forward to that, too.
i think it is mostly just a matter of each individual finding what means most, and then developing a way to have more of that in your life.


----------



## That Guy

Happyflowerlady said:


> I think sometimes life is just lonely.



An existential thought if I ever heard one.  I'm of the school of thought that we come into this life alone, experience it alone and leave it alone.  Inside our true selves it is only me, myself and I . . .
Doesn't necessarily mean loneliness but, rather, aloneness. 

AND your little dogs are great companions.  I love the connection between humans and animals.  We need to give them credit for their individual life experience, too.  They value our friendship and return the love 1,000 fold.


----------



## Anne

I guess I just cope with it, mostly.  I do have hobbies I enjoy, reading, sketching, photography; some woodworking, etc., but still do wish I had some friends I could have a heart-to-heart talk with, other than online.
Our immediate family is close, but they are busy with work, life, etc.  Siblings are all in another state, but we do keep in touch by phone, FB, and email.  

Something I've noticed...in spite of all the wonderful things technology has done for us, one drawback seems to be that we have isolated ourselves more than ever before.  We can communicate in seconds with computers, but who really visits anymore??  I miss the daily visits for coffee, tea, or whatever, with friends and the fun times spent just being together with buddies.


----------



## That Guy

Anne said:


> Something I've noticed...in spite of all the wonderful things technology has done for us, one drawback seems to be that we have isolated ourselves more than ever before.  We can communicate in seconds with computers, but who really visits anymore??



My feelings, exactly.


----------



## Lady K

I met someone on Match.com and I feel like I have a life again. Might work for you too!


----------



## Ozarkgal

Anne said:


> I guess I just cope with it, mostly.  I do have hobbies I enjoy, reading, sketching, photography; some woodworking, etc., but still do wish I had some friends I could have a heart-to-heart talk with, other than online.



I understand that too.  We live a pretty isolated lifestyle, and while most of the time I love it, there are times when I wish I had a female friend closer than just a telephone call that I could go out to lunch and shopping with occasionally.  Once a year I fly to Texas to visit a couple of friends, one in particular.  She's a world class shopper so shop til we drop, because there is no place to shop around here.  I spend a few days there then we drive back here in her car, loaded with my shopping overindulgences and spend a week here kicking back and taking in some local color.  I really look forward to this, but once it's over I'm good for another year.

When you get older I find it is very difficult to make new friends as everyone is pretty much tied up in their own lives.  Add to the fact that people in these rural areas are nice enough, but unless your grandparents on down were born and died here, the locals are not very inclusive of strangers.


----------



## That Guy

It is a special treat to have someone who shares a similar world view . . . someone simpatico . . . a comrade.  I can name one or two male friends in my life that fit that 100%.  They, unfortunately are gone.  Guess it's a lesson to enjoy things while you can.  I'm a friendly guy but, it's hard to meet people with whom one can really be themselves.  The surf community is definitely subject to the horrors of localism.  I've known guys at The Point for decades but am still only on the periphery of their clique as my mother's second cousin's sister isn't their brother's mother's monkey's uncle...

The heck with that.  I would rather be in the out crowd anyway . . .


----------



## SeaBreeze

Lady K said:


> I met someone on Match.com and I feel like I have a life again. Might work for you too!



Congrats Lady K!   Have you spent any time with him yet?


----------



## That Guy

Back in ancient times (the '90's), I met some very nice women on Match and actually reconnected with a girlfriend from high school.


----------



## lilpoppy1

When I get lonely, I watch TV. TV is my friend. Sad isn't it?
Really, I do get lonely and I don't know what to do with myself, so I guess I work as much as I can. And pray God will bring me a partner. There is a post on here about Christian Mingles. I don't think I want to join that website though.


----------



## cmillken

I have a dog. He is a Labrador retriever, and he is surprisingly very calm and kind. Also, my son downloaded Skype on my computer. I use Skype to video call my son and other members of my family is I get lonely. I enjoy gardening as well, which helps pass the time when no one is visiting.


----------



## SeaBreeze

lilpoppy1 said:


> When I get lonely, I watch TV. TV is my friend. Sad isn't it?
> Really, I do get lonely and I don't know what to do with myself, so I guess I work as much as I can. And pray God will bring me a partner. There is a post on here about Christian Mingles. I don't think I want to join that website though.



Not sad at all...realistically the television accompanies many folks when they are alone, and I think that's a good thing.  Just posting on a forum like this may bring you a special friend/partner in your area, if you make it known what state you live in, and your availability.  In my opinion, it would be less chancey than a dating site.


----------



## That Guy

cmillken said:


> I have a dog.



Man's best friend!


----------



## TICA

Pets make for wonderful companions.  I used to say that if it wasn't for the dogs and cats, I probably wouldn't hear my own voice for days.   I get lost in books sometimes too.  If you find yourself lonely, nothing like a good book to escape into another world.


----------



## That Guy

I am so hurting for the great escape in reading right now.  Sometimes, finding another good book can be an exercise in futility.  Eventually, one will pop into my hands and I'll dive into it.  Yes, a great escape, TICA!


----------



## Anne

That Guy said:


> I am so hurting for the great escape in reading right now.  Sometimes, finding another good book can be an exercise in futility.  Eventually, one will pop into my hands and I'll dive into it.  Yes, a great escape, TICA!



Have you read 'The Sentinel'???  Pretty good one; the movie was a bomb, tho....if you hadn't read the book, you'd have no clue what's going on.


----------



## SifuPhil

That Guy said:


> I am so hurting for the great escape in reading right now.  Sometimes, finding another good book can be an exercise in futility.  Eventually, one will pop into my hands and I'll dive into it.  Yes, a great escape, TICA!



I just finished this one - GREAT book! It was so elevating, by the end of it my eyes were red ...


----------



## Anne

:lol:


----------



## TWHRider

Ahhhh, show me the whodunits:sentimental:

http://www.goodreads.com/shelf/show/whodunit


----------



## SifuPhil

TWHRider said:


> Ahhhh, show me the whodunits:sentimental:


----------



## That Guy

Quite honestly, thinking about this and have come to the realization that I do nothing about getting lonely.  I just am.


----------



## R. Zimm

Well, Guy, then anything you do at this point is worth a try! Now I'm not trying to be sarcastic but do you normally walk around with a smile or a scowl and do you get out where there are other people?

Just trying to help


----------



## That Guy

R. Zimm said:


> Well, Guy, then anything you do at this point is worth a try! Now I'm not trying to be sarcastic but do you normally walk around with a smile or a scowl and do you get out where there are other people?
> 
> Just trying to help



Oh, I'm a very happy and friendly person and do get out and about.  I'm not whining about being lonely but have just accepted it as a matter of fact.


----------



## SifuPhil

I don't try to _avoid_ being lonely; I actively seek to be _alone_.

There's a big difference ... layful:


----------



## janfromflorida

In adjusting to aloneness I first got into fitness and did Yoga and Tia Chi.  But my reward was hurting myself, so for a while I vegetated.  But then, after spending a couple of weekends in my house with no human contact from Fri to Mon I decided to go to church.  Met a nice group of people there, and I keep going.  Of course my friends on Facebook are the ones I wake up with every day.  I really panic when my computer goes down and I can't visit them!  The weekend I held a yard sale was quite social, too.


----------



## pchinvegas

I cannot say I'm ever lonely. I enjoy being alone but have family and friends to keep me busy and I work


----------



## JustBonee

SifuPhil said:


> I don't try to _avoid_ being lonely; I actively seek to be _alone_.
> 
> There's a big difference ... layful:



I so agree with that.  I am alone often, but never feel alone.  Pets help with that, but also gardening... even container gardening if nothing else.  Keeps a person busy!


----------



## That Guy

Boo's Mom said:


> I so agree with that.  I am alone often, but never feel alone.  Pets help with that, but also gardening... even container gardening if nothing else.  Keeps a person busy!



Exactly.  I'm heading out now for some interesting conversation with the cat while she supervises my weed pulling . . .


----------



## SifuPhil

Boo's Mom said:


> I so agree with that.  I am alone often, but never feel alone.  Pets help with that, but also gardening... even container gardening if nothing else.  Keeps a person busy!



Yep, pets are the answer I think - that's why the pet industry is making money hand-over-fist these days - there are a lot of lonely (or alone) people.


----------



## Happyflowerlady

I really like the Steve Berry books, and I just read his latest one about Christopher Columbus, called " the Columbus Affair".
he puts a lot of good historical facts mixed in with an extraordinary story. This one addresses the possibility that Columbus was actually Jewish, and looking for a place for Jews to live unpersecuted, that was supposed to exist in the East, and was also carrying their religious treasure , that had been hidden away for all the years since Columbus secreted it away here in the New World.
Very good book, as are all of his that I have read thus far.


----------



## JustBonee

Love to read also, but stick with fiction most of the time.  So easy for me to get lost in a good book for days...and then get mad at myself for not getting anything done.  Just finished Whole Latte Life/Jeanne DeMaio..
and I do prefer books.  Haven't gotten into the Nook/Kindle thing yet.


----------



## SifuPhil

Speaking of reading books, I was doing some research on Amazon best-sellers today, and now I'm depressed.

Do you have ANY idea what the best-selling authors are pulling in on a monthly basis from Amazon _alone_? And the thing is, the majority of the best sellers are fiction ...



Dan Brown's _Inferno: A Novel_ - *$1.04 million* / month
Sylvia Day's _Entwined With You_ - $782,000 / month
and a surprise for #3 - Bel Kaufman's _Up The Down Staircase_, her classic 1965 novel - $733,000 / month  (mostly school sales)


... I really have to buckle down and do more writing ...


----------



## babyboomer

I constantly talk to people, Strangers are friends We haven't meet.
I am not pushy, but let things roll, happen. All the seniors on the bus stop, like a good conversation, as they are lonley as well.!


----------



## RedRibbons

I never feel lonely. I like my own company.


----------



## Diwundrin

Me too Red.  Like Phil, I actively distanced myself to achieve a little lonesomeness, which is different to loneliness. It wasn't that I didn't like them, we all get along fine,  I just didn't want to be enmeshed in or take sides in their daily dramas where I didn't really belong.

.The internet and phone are contact enough to get me by without becoming  totally detached from the world.  I actually enjoy that far more than  trying to negotiate the pitfalls of sensitivities, heirarchy politics,  and social graces of  groups.

I used to escape by wallowing in masses of books but haven't read much for a while, prefer writing to reading now.

 I don't remember ever being what you'd term lonely. As an only child being alone was normal.
People are the primary source of complications in life and without 'em too close by it's been just plain blissful.


----------



## JustBonee

RedRibbons said:


> I never feel lonely. I like my own company.



That makes two of us!


----------



## JustBonee

Diwundrin said:


> Me too Red.  Like Phil, I actively distanced myself to achieve a little lonesomeness, which is different to loneliness. It wasn't that I didn't like them, we all get along fine,  I just didn't want to be enmeshed in or take sides in their daily dramas where I didn't really belong.
> 
> .The internet and phone are contact enough to get me by without becoming  totally detached from the world.  I actually enjoy that far more than  trying to negotiate the pitfalls of sensitivities, heirarchy politics,  and social graces of  groups.
> 
> I used to escape by wallowing in masses of books but haven't read much for a while, prefer writing to reading now.
> 
> I don't remember ever being what you'd term lonely. As an only child being alone was normal.
> *People are the primary source of complications in life and without 'em too close by it's been just plain blissful.*




I realize that I didn't know how true that all is until I'm around a group of people ... maybe it's comes from being an only child for me too.    I don't know the reason, but everyone's everyday drama can drive me bonkers.


----------



## SifuPhil

Boo's Mom said:


> I realize that I didn't know how true that all is until I'm around a group of people ... maybe it's comes from being an only child for me too.    I don't know the reason, but everyone's everyday drama can drive me bonkers.



That's why I enjoy being on Facebook: whenever I feel that I'm missing out on life, I just go there and read a few of the posts.

I'm instantly re-energized and remember why I chose to live the way I do. The level of drama there ... the unnecessary complexity that people create for themselves ... it's just amazing. And that's just a mirror of the outside world - at least on Facebook you can just log-out. 

Doing that in real life usually entails leaving a note and a messy clean-up.


----------



## Old Hipster

Boo's Mom said:


> I realize that I didn't know how true that all is until I'm around a group of people ... maybe it's comes from being an only child for me too.    I don't know the reason, but everyone's everyday drama can drive me bonkers.


I'm an only child too and I like my own company and I never feel lonely, I feel uncomfortable around a lot of people, I'm not good at parties.


----------



## JustBonee

SifuPhil said:


> That's why I enjoy being on Facebook: whenever I feel that I'm missing out on life, I just go there and read a few of the posts.
> 
> I'm instantly re-energized and remember why I chose to live the way I do. The level of drama there ... the unnecessary complexity that people create for themselves ... it's just amazing. And that's just a mirror of the outside world - at least on Facebook you can just log-out.
> 
> Doing that in real life usually entails leaving a note and a messy clean-up.



Oh, Facebook! ... Insane Asylum Online .. scatterbrains united...


----------



## JustBonee

Old Hipster said:


> I'm an only child too and I like my own company and I never feel lonely, I feel uncomfortable around a lot of people, I'm not good at parties.



The only time I've been a hit at a party is when I've had too much to drink ..   (it's been a while)


----------



## Old Hipster

Boo's Mom said:


> The only time I've been a hit at a party is when I've had too much to drink .. (it's been a while)


Yeah me too! but I rarely drink now and when I do, I stay home.


----------



## Jillaroo

_I have fond memories of Dad when we had a party, when he had drunk a few he would take his teeth out and sing I'm Popeye the sailor man, that was quite out of character for him as he was usually a very quiet placid man._:bowknot:


----------



## SifuPhil

What they do in prison when they get lonely ...


----------

