# Why wouldn't someone want credit



## debodun (Sep 14, 2014)

I made a Web page to promote my my cousin's ecumenical worship group. We have both a Bible study for adults and children. I gave credit to the leaders of these two groups on the Web page. The day after this. I received a phone call from my cousin to remove the woman's name that in in charge of the children's study until I get her permission. I did approach her at the next service. When I spoke to her, she visibly jumped, like she was startled, but I asked her to put her name on the Web page. She looked like she was smelling cow patties and would only say that she would have to ask her husband. Now a few things bother me: why she seems so jumpy, why wouldn't she want to get credit for her work and perhaps most of all - why does she need her husband's permission?


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## Twixie (Sep 14, 2014)

Maybe she thinks you are trying to take over?


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## Justme (Sep 14, 2014)

debodun said:


> I made a Web page to promote my my cousin's ecumenical worship group. We have both a Bible study for adults and children. I gave credit to the leaders of these two groups on the Web page. The day fter this. I received a phone call from my cousin to remove the woman's name that in in charge of the children's study until I get her permission. I did approach her at the next service. When I spoke to her, she visibly jumped, like she was startled, but I asked her to put her name on the Web page. She looked like she was smelling cow patties and would only say that she would have to ask her husband. Now a few things bother me: why she seems so jumpy, why wouldn't she want to get credit for her work and perhaps most of all - why does she need her husband's permission?



You should NEVER mention people on the Internet without their permission, even if you are giving them credit for something.


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## Davey Jones (Sep 14, 2014)

RE:why does she need her husband's permission? 


That's an easy answer,sadly most women *still* marry today for financial and security reasons and will do nothing to upset his standings in both families.
All this starts after the honeymoon is over and/or right after sex he'll turn over and go to sleep.
Those days of married couples talking it over and solving personal situations are long gone.
Today its "what in it for me"? or "talk to my lawyer."


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## Twixie (Sep 14, 2014)

Davey Jones said:


> RE:why does she need her husband's permission?
> 
> 
> That's an easy answer,sadly most women still marry today for financial and security reasons and will do nothing to upset his standings in both families.
> ...


Maybe she doesn't need her husbands permission..could be that they both have to agree..and she can't take the decision without consulting him?


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## Debby (Sep 14, 2014)

Justme said:


> You should NEVER mention people on the Internet without their permission, even if you are giving them credit for something.



I've never given this a thought and I'm not sure why it would be an issue if you aren't saying something libellous, slanderous or whatever.  Why do you think this is a good idea?


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## Debby (Sep 14, 2014)

Davey Jones said:


> RE:why does she need her husband's permission?
> 
> 
> That's an easy answer,sadly most women *still* marry today for financial and security reasons and will do nothing to upset his standings in both families.
> ...




Or here's another idea.  If this is a religious (Christian) following, maybe this woman belongs to a church that is very traditional and the husband is the head of the household sort of philosophy being the guiding principal.  I've been married for 39 years and except for the 12 that was spent deeply involved in a church, I don't think I've ever 'asked permission'.  More like I gave him a heads up on what I wanted to do or was putting the idea out there so that we could discuss the various ramifications of my (or his) intention.  I think lots of couples talk about it more and more these days although the 'what's in it for me' factor is decidedly relevant as fewer marrieds 'go the distance' these days.

And by the way, if MOST women marry for financial security, what do MOST men marry for?  Easy access to sex?


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## Davey Jones (Sep 14, 2014)

Twixie said:


> Maybe she doesn't need her husbands permission..could be that they both have to agree..and she can't take the decision without consulting him?



IMO a good lasting marriage is the total trust between the parties and if this situation involves both parties then YES she/he should get permission to satisfy both of them.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Sep 14, 2014)

There are people who really don't want their names on the web. Just keying someone's name into Google can bring up all kinds of information. Then there are plenty of people who still "don't believe in" the internet.

Come to think of it, I have a sister and a brother who flat refuse to have anything to do with computers; they are both perfectly content with pen and paper and simply refuse to join the 21st century. My sister won't even look at pictures on somebody else's laptop.


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## Twixie (Sep 14, 2014)

Debby said:


> Or here's another idea.  If this is a religious (Christian) following, maybe this woman belongs to a church that is very traditional and the husband is the head of the household sort of philosophy being the guiding principal.  I've been married for 39 years and except for the 12 that was spent deeply involved in a church, I don't think I've ever 'asked permission'.  More like I gave him a heads up on what I wanted to do or was putting the idea out there so that we could discuss the various ramifications of my (or his) intention.  I think lots of couples talk about it more and more these days although the 'what's in it for me' factor is decidedly relevant as fewer marrieds 'go the distance' these days.



I agree Debbie..I have never been a church goer myself..but if someone proposes something to me, I will go home and talk it out with my partner first..not because ''he is the head of the household''..It is called respect!!


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## GeorgiaXplant (Sep 14, 2014)

Davey Jones said:


> RE:why does she need her husband's permission?
> 
> 
> That's an easy answer,sadly most women *still* marry today for financial and security reasons



Huh? Be careful with sweeping generalizations, Davey. I think you're very, very wrong. Putting my mind to it, I can't think of any women I know who married for a meal ticket. The women I know are educated, have their own careers, their own money. In a couple of instances, the women have higher incomes than their husbands. And I know of a couple of women who are the breadwinners in their families while their husbands are SAHP _because_ their wives' incomes are so much higher than the incomes the men had before children came along.

I also know of couples who've made the decision that the wife will stay at home until their children are out of school...these are women who have good educations and had lucrative careers before they had children.

My own DD works from home (for quite nice wages) except for Friday mornings when she works for a friend as a bookkeeper. She's been doing this for the past eight years and expects to continue for at least another four before considering re-entering the workforce outside the home.

My granddaughter and her friends, high school freshman, spend a good bit of time discussing what degrees they'll pursue that will provide personal satisfaction and independence so that if they marry, they'll marry because they want to not because they feel like they must in order to live comfortable lives.


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## ClassicRockr (Sep 14, 2014)

I call my wife "The Boss" when talking to some folks. My wife looks at me being more "in-charge" than she is, but then again, she just doesn't like being "in-charge" for-to-say. I don't have to get "permission" from my wife to do something, but I will talk with her first before doing something. It's just the way we like our marriage to be.   

As far as that lady not wanting herself to be shown as "credited" on a website, like already stated.........some people just don't want anything at all to do with cyberspace/internet. My SIL is lucky she can have a picture of her and hubby on Facebook, because of what hubby thinks of computers and the Internet.


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## oldman (Sep 14, 2014)

Again, this goes a bit off topic, but I remember watching Bill Cosby on TV in a concert named, "Bill Cosby, Himself" and he was eluding to the fact of who the boss is in a family; the man or the wife. He stated in that program, "I've seen the boss's job and I don't want it." 

I also concur.


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## Davey Jones (Sep 14, 2014)

oldman said:


> Again, this goes a bit off topic, but I remember watching Bill Cosby on TV in a concert named, "Bill Cosby, Himself" and he was eluding to the fact of who the boss is in a family; the man or the wife. He stated in that program, "I've seen the boss's job and I don't want it."
> 
> I also concur.




I still have the disc of "BC,Himself" performance and to this day I dont think Ive ever laugh so hard and long, I remember once scene "pull my finger"ROFL.


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## oldman (Sep 14, 2014)

Bill is hilarious.


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## MaggieJewel (Sep 15, 2014)

maybe they don't want their name mentioned because of some past event that someone who sees their name might remember and/or act upon?  I know a guy that is totally paranoid about any information on him being posted on line.


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## Bullie76 (Sep 15, 2014)

I don't want my name mentioned on websites. Not paranoid, just not for me.


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## Sid (Sep 15, 2014)

debodun said:


> I made a Web page to promote my my cousin's ecumenical worship group. We have both a Bible study for adults and children. I gave credit to the leaders of these two groups on the Web page. The day after this. I received a phone call from my cousin to remove the woman's name that in in charge of the children's study until I get her permission. I did approach her at the next service. When I spoke to her, she visibly jumped, like she was startled, but I asked her to put her name on the Web page. She looked like she was smelling cow patties and would only say that she would have to ask her husband. Now a few things bother me: why she seems so jumpy, why wouldn't she want to get credit for her work and perhaps most of all - why does she need her husband's permission?



      Maybe she jumped like she was startled because you startled her.


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## charlotta (Sep 15, 2014)

Maybe she is in the government protection, or whatever its called.


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## Warrigal (Sep 15, 2014)

Our church has a privacy policy and a privacy officer to ensure compliance.
Personal information that is collected for the purpose of ministry and pastoral care is only made public with consent. 
This includes contact details, dates of birthdays etc. We are not even supposed to pray publically for anyone without their consent.
People have all sorts of reasons for not wanting personal details to be made public and they don't have to explain.


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## Justme (Sep 16, 2014)

Debby said:


> I've never given this a thought and I'm not sure why it would be an issue if you aren't saying something libellous, slanderous or whatever.  Why do you think this is a good idea?



I happened to post a photo of one of my grandchildren on the NET as I was proud of their particular achievement, I hadn't asked their parent's permission, and I was in the deep proverbial, and rightly so!


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## Sid (Sep 16, 2014)

Dame Warrigal said:


> People have all sorts of reasons for not wanting personal details to be made public and they don't have to explain.



    TRhat is what I wanted to say but you said it so much nicer than I would have.


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## charlotta (Sep 16, 2014)

Maybe they are in the gov't protection program!!!


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## Happyflowerlady (Sep 18, 2014)

Sometimes, when people don't want to tell you how they really feel, or they want to say no, without actually saying it, they will just "put people off" by giving some excuse. "I have to talk to my (spouse)" is one of the excuses that are commonly given because they are usually not questioned, and end the conversation. 
Obviously, for some reason she didn't want to be mentioned on the webpage; so taking her name off of the page was definitely the correct decision. 
Your cousin might have a better idea of the real reason that she didn't want to be mentioned; so you might ask him about it when you talk to him.


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