# You know you are lonely when....



## Victor (Jun 7, 2015)

1. You ask for a strip search at airport security

2. Your only guests at home are insect exterminators

3. Your favorite song is "Hello Walls"

4. You call a  technical support center in India just to talk

5. You pretend that your plants are really super heroes

6. Depression support groups kick you out
7. Prisoners have a better social life than you do
8. Psychotherapists refuse to see you at all


----------



## Shalimar (Jun 7, 2015)

Victor, too funny!


----------



## Ralphy1 (Jun 8, 2015)

9.  You seek romance on a senior forum...nthego:


----------



## Shalimar (Jun 8, 2015)

When you assume everything is a scam.layful:


----------



## Ralphy1 (Jun 8, 2015)

10.  When you are a total cynic...


----------



## Laurie (Jun 8, 2015)

When the fact I haven't spoken to anybody since Friday becomes  a cause for concern rather than satisfaction!


----------



## Shalimar (Jun 8, 2015)

Good one, Laurie, I enjoy your dry wit!


----------



## Louis (Jun 8, 2015)

Loneliness is when, during a moment of passion, you bite your girlfriend too hard on the butt - she farts and flies out the window.


----------



## Shalimar (Jun 8, 2015)

Louis Loui, HaHaHaHa.


----------



## Louis (Jun 8, 2015)

If I can retrieve her from the top of my neighbor's 80 ft. pine tree...duct tape could save her from the recycle bin. Meanwhile, my neighbors are boiling a huge pot of tar and collecting chicken feathers. What's up with that??


----------



## Shalimar (Jun 8, 2015)

Hey Loui, some of my relatives were United Empire Loyalists, I know aaalll about tar and feathering. Lol. We've been kicked out of everywhere!lol.


----------



## Shalimar (Jun 8, 2015)

Yikes!


----------



## Louis (Jun 8, 2015)

Shalimar said:


> Hey Loui, some of my relatives were United Empire Loyalists, I know aaalll about tar and feathering. Lol. We've been kicked out of everywhere!lol.


Ouch! 

I think some of my relatives were booted out of Hungary in 1918. I believe my grandmother was pregnant with my father when they arrived in the US. Coincidentally, I have some family in Canada as well.


----------



## Shalimar (Jun 8, 2015)

Hey Loui. Nice to know we are both castoffs.lol. Where does your Canadian family live?


----------



## Louis (Jun 8, 2015)

As I recall...they were in Ontario, St Catherines perhaps. I believe my sister visited with them when she was a child. I've never kept track of family so it's likely they are deceased and I wouldn't even know. I was kind of the black sheep.


----------



## Shalimar (Jun 8, 2015)

Black sheep? Me too, isn't it great?!


----------



## Louis (Jun 8, 2015)

Baaaaa baby baaaaaaaaaa.


----------



## jujube (Jun 8, 2015)

Shalimar said:


> Hey Loui, some of my relatives were United Empire Loyalists, I know aaalll about tar and feathering. Lol. We've been kicked out of everywhere!lol.



I'm proud to say that some of my ancestors have been kicked out of the finest countries on earth.  Hey, we have to take our family pride where we can find it!


----------



## Victor (Jun 10, 2015)

You know you are lonely when you post a message about loneliness and no one responds
to what you have actually written except with little chit chat.

Should have posted it in the humor dept.


----------



## Warrigal (Jun 10, 2015)

I don't think you can blame anyone for that Victor.
Your post didn't sound like something original.
It read as humour. Bleak humour to be sure, but humour nevertheless.


----------



## NancyNGA (Jun 10, 2015)




----------



## oakapple (Jun 10, 2015)

Victor, I am sorry if you are lonely, it can be a hard world out there at times. we all thought your OP was meant to be humour as DW says. If you are not lonely yourself.but wanted a debate about general loneliness let us know.If you are, although it can feel difficult to do, the only way forward is to join groups in the real world as well as on forums.


----------



## Victor (Jun 14, 2015)

Dame Warrigal said:


> I don't think you can blame anyone for that Victor.
> Your post didn't sound like something original.
> Ie t read as humour. Bleak humour to be sure, but humour nevertheless.




My post was original. My only guests are exterminators and I like the song "Hello Walls"--check it out.


----------



## Davey Jones (Jun 14, 2015)

Being at guardian at age 77 for a 17 and 9 year olds, I don't have the time to be lonely.....sigh


----------



## JustBonee (Jun 14, 2015)

Victor, have you considered a dog?   They are wonderful companions for everyone.


----------



## Warrigal (Jun 14, 2015)

Victor said:


> My post was original. My only guests are exterminators and I like the song "Hello Walls"--check it out.



Victor, are you lonely or clinically depressed? 

Is there any impediment to you becoming a volunteer with some charity? Getting out of the house and joining with other people in a common cause can have benefits for both conditions but depression does need some professional help. If you are getting help please remember that improvement takes time. And a positive attitude. 

There are highs and lows along the road to recovery which is why you need ongoing support. Are you serious about being kicked out of a support group? If it wasn't your decision to quit, or even if it was, you should try again if your therapist advises it.


----------



## Victor (Jun 15, 2015)

The rest of my list I made up, not true for me. But I am depressed because
my mother is extremely ill and does not have long...and my 2 cat children
passed away in the last 7 months. I am very sad. So I am without company.
It's sort of the end of an era for me, (and the start of a new one.)
 but no I will not get a dog and probably
not another cat in the near future or at all.

I do not care for support groups except online.


----------



## Warrigal (Jun 15, 2015)

Victor, I am not a support group but I may have some thoughts that might resonate with you.

First, your mother. This time with her is precious. Spend as much time with her as you can, even if she doesn't know that you are there.
Make sure that she is being properly cared for and as comfortable as possible. If she can go out, take her with you to places as a treat.
When she is finally gone, these memories will seem like a gift. I do know this from personal experience.

Be realistic about the cats. Cats don't live as long as people and it is inevitable that we will lose them. If you can't get past this loss after 7 months, how do you imagine you will cope after your mother passes? You need to take yourself in hand and if you can't do that you must seek professional advice. Whether you care for it or not, you may need it to get through what is yet to come.


----------



## Shalimar (Jun 15, 2015)

Victor, i empathize. I remember well how difficult it was to watch my mother slowly fade away while I grieved in installments. For a variety of reasons, after she died, my life was turned upside down. I am a therapist, supposedly having the necessary skill sets to cope with whatever challenges life presents. Well, not really. Too much negative change too quickly, can Impair our ability to cope, the snowball effect. What you are experiencing is a normal reaction to extreme stress, however, I would urge you to consider some medication to help you deal with your loss in the short term, especially if counseling is not for you. If I had not taken antidepressants during my mother's long decline, I would have gone screaming into the sea. I hope sharing your feelings on site provides you with some relief and support.


----------



## Warrigal (Jun 16, 2015)

Where are you Victor? Talk to us.


----------



## whisteria (Jun 16, 2015)

When you go to the doctors complaining nobody has any time for ,
"doctor" NEXT.


----------



## Victor (Jun 17, 2015)

Well, I am okay. I have someone to talk to about this.
My mother still has her mind in tact except that she is very forgetful, especially
regarding time and cannot make big decisions now. She has multiple serious
health problems.

Those of you who love cats as I do will understand my grief and regret and know that it can take years to overcome
totally. I grieved for my first cat for many many years and I still think of her. That is the strength of the bond there. My cats
were my children and close friends. (I have real friends as well, of course). Animals love unconditionally and some of us
love their furry friends the same way .Most therapists do not truly understand this emotion.

 However, my mother an I have had many ups and downs, many big arguments. When the chips are down, I am there for her.


----------



## whisteria (Jun 17, 2015)

Good on yer "Victor" your going the right way in life and it'll pay you big time one day.


----------



## Warrigal (Jun 17, 2015)

Right now you would benefit from spending more time with your real friends as well as your mother. Take the initiative and organise more contact.


----------



## Shalimar (Jun 17, 2015)

Victor, not all therapists lack the empathy to understand your bond with animals. This one still has an empty space where the loss of my beloved cats over the years are still mourned. I applaud your selflessness in caring for your mother, but please do not make the mistake I did, and neglect your needs until you suffer major caretaker burnout. Some self-care is essential in order for you to cope. Spoil yourself in any way you are able, reach out anywhere you can, on and offline. I am worried about your well being.


----------



## Lon (Jun 17, 2015)

When at 10 AM you start thinking about what you are going to prepare for your dinner.


----------



## SeaBreeze (Jun 17, 2015)

Good that you're there for your mother Victor.  I understand the pet bond, I still get emotional when I think of my furkids who have passed on.


----------



## SeaBreeze (Jun 17, 2015)

Victor said:


> My post was original. My only guests are exterminators and I like the song "Hello Walls"--check it out.



I never heard of the song before Victor, here it is by one artist.


----------



## Victor (Jun 18, 2015)

SeaBreeze said:


> I never heard of the song before Victor, here it is by one artist.







Thanks Sea Breeze but I have no audio on my computer now (virus problem.)

 thinking about my two cats gone forever makes me feel sad and alone. My mother also. I really do not feel
like writing much/ The last 7 mos. were some of the worst in my life. I hope to move soon.


----------



## whisteria (Jun 18, 2015)

Hello Victor,
If anyone knows how your feeling fresh from the loss of an animal i do,
Maybe just maybe thats why your here on this earth, to look after animals,
Anyone can open a can of animal food/ pour water/milk into a bowl "but thats only feeding the animal"
It takes a lot more to love and understand animals and not everyone has that certain gift,
If you take a few minutes to go and visit your local animal rescue im sure out of all the cats you see there "one" just one will be special and needing a home.
give it a go.


----------



## Victor (Jun 19, 2015)

A thoughtful answer, Whisteria. Everyone asks me when I will get another* ca*t. I don't like th*e word "pet".
My *first cat was adopted when I was 34, rather late, if that's the reason I *a*m here as you put it. And
then I am ashamed to say that I knew nothing about cats. I was very lucky to have a perfect cat who
needed no training, was loving and had no health issues until the end. I learned the hard way to be more
vigilant and not take their health for granted. (Same with my health)
    Well, I a*m not ready *for more responsibility/another cat. Maybe in a years to come. I like my
furniture unscratched and undamaged and I can travel without worry! I just want my old kitties back in good health!
Heck, a new cat might outlive me. In closing, my cats did give me purpose and meaning to my life, but I
always believe that my career(s) gave me the most meaning and purpose.


----------



## whisteria (Jun 20, 2015)

Hi Victor,
And thanks for an honest reply,
I'd like to tell you something thats only happend or should i say i found out about it on thursday of this week,
As you know i now live in france and if i could take you back to the very first days we bought the first house "wisteria house" we decided to knock on every door (only 6 doors and all spread out ) to knock on  and introduce ourselves after all we are the forerigners and we thought it was a nice thing to do "meet the neighbors,

All greeted us in a very friendly way but one "c-mon" and her husband both in their late 60's then really made us extra welcome, 
the first time we could spend a few weeks at our new french home was christmas time so we arrived ready to decorate and sort the place out, (only working clothing brought with us)
we we're invited to join the family at c-mons house for boxing day dinner, all the family we're there, plus dogs (2) and chickens running under the large long table "what you'd call a real french farming family christmas dinner and a real bond maker for us two english people and the full family of c-mon.

Last year c-mon's husband died and three months later one of her dogs died and four months after that her last dog died,

Now she lives in a small house and her two daughters live a few miles away and her son lives about 2 km's away so she has daily contact with her son as he visits in his tractor,

But it's the evenings when she's alone,  that deafening sound of silence, the house  ghost of her late husband, her two dog's that really did mean the world to her, 
"All gone" only one plate and one cup at meal times, the photo's of all that now has gone are left to remind her of yesterdays life 'Gone"

Now im not a religious person "But" i do believe something looks after you in some strange way, some thing oversee's what you do,

One day 'c-mon' was feeding her chickens when she noticed a ginger feral cat by her old barn,
c-mon' tried to entice the cat to take food from her "but" the cat was having non of it and ran away,

The next day c-mon saw the cat trying to hide "but" was watching her put more food out,  And this went on for a few weeks,
c-mon moved the dish closer into the open so the cat could be seen a bit clearer, after weeks of moving the dish daily closer to the kitchen door the cat became less scared and c-mon managed to stroke it once,

She never saw the cat for a few days, the food was untouched and c-mon thought she'd blown it by being to friendly and she'd scared the cat away for good.

One night as c-mon once again sat in her house "alone" she thought she heard a sound, a crying sound 
It was coming from above in the loft,
the next morning when her son visited she told him about this sound and he looked in the loft,  

  "It was the ginger cat plus family 6 kittens"
Little did c-mon know as she fed this ginger cat that is was pregnant and as the barn formed part of the house the cat had got through to 'c-mons' loft space.

Now the kittens are happy to play around the barn area "but" the amazing thing is the mother cat wont leave c-mons side, it sleeps on her bed and sits next to her of an evening.

Is this just coincidence? OR maybe something we cant see looking after an old lady in her lonely years???

You judge.

Your career will continue by others the minute your no longer able or indeed here, 
Life shouldnt be about careers but about being happy in yourself,
and no animal should be alone.
Have a nice day  victor.


----------



## Victor (Jun 21, 2015)

An interesting story, but I do not believe, as you do, that someone watches over us or that we have some divine purpose
for why we are. I think we make up our own reasons in our lives.
 Also, what does c-mon mean??

No animal should be alone but millions are and millions of people, too. I do not want to be cajoled into getting another cat,
especially in the near future. I have plenty going on in my life now besides  which requires my attention. A cat  does not make me that much happier
but it would make the cat happier I am sure. We can be alone even with a dog or cat, but surely they do help assuage that feeling.
Cats deserve good owners and good owners deserve cats (or dogs)
I will know when the time is right.
What part of France are you in? Do you like it there?

Victor


----------



## whisteria (Jun 21, 2015)

Hello victor, first thing first c-mon is an old french lady, the story as you called it was a true event that happend to her and the stray cat has made her lonley life a much better one.
Now ref you thinking anyone is trying to get you anything is wrong, from what i see all the post you've recieved are only trying to help you,
And if you dont want a cat /dog etc fine,
And the last question you asked "what part of france am i in, dept 23 the crues and thats part of the Limousin region. 

I hope this little lot is what you asked for,


----------



## Rocky (Jun 21, 2015)

Victor said:


> My post was original. My only guests are exterminators and I like the song "Hello Walls"--check it out.


_
Victor, you really brought back memories mentioning "Hello Walls" ... I liked it then; still do.  
The combination of the song and the voice singing it, I suppose.  And I've never been a huge country music fan._


----------



## Rocky (Jun 21, 2015)

_Beautiful story, Whisteria ... I had always had dogs.  Strangely, the last two died of inoperable breast cancer [ age made anesthesia impossible ].  I say strangely 'cuz that's what I came down with later myself -- mine treatable.

And then I was adopted by a polydactyle Siamese who had been dumped in front of a WalMart store.  She lived to be 24 years old.  
And then I was adopted by a tiny Tortoiseshell kitten who came up and wound herself around my ankles, and who is now 11 and the most gentle, sweetest, cuddlingest little one anyone could imagine.

And yes, I hope against hope I do outlive her...even by just a little._


----------



## whisteria (Jun 22, 2015)

Hi Rocky,
A smashing start to the day hearing your story about how these cats came into your life (As ive said its strange the way some things just happen) take your second little friend who just turned up !!!! why should that be? but its great for both of you.

REF The country music, it's really worth listening to like yourself i wasn't particularly into country and by chance i visited me brother -in-law some years ago in arizona and through traveling to verious parts of the usa i got to listening on the radio to country "hence" ive a bit of a collection everything from garth brooks and onwards

One track i was playing in my workshop is called "ive found jesus"
Its about a mans girl friend who finds god and he can't understand who "this guy God is" and if he ever finds jesus he's going to kick his butt, its a take or as we say in the uk a tongue in cheek, song about not knowing about "JESUS CHRIST.
i'll dig it out and give you the singers details, well worth listening to.

Having said this ref country music i must confess i like all kinds of music from claissical / to pop/ Folk etc/


----------



## Rocky (Jun 22, 2015)

_Hi, Whisteria,
I, too, like all kinds of music.  I was trained as classical musician, piano and organ.  But I can appreciate and enjoy all music ... especially the original Delta Blues ... and not-so-much rap._


----------



## whisteria (Jun 22, 2015)

Yes i will admit i dont count rap in anyway as music,
It's not got any skill in it as far as i can see, But each to their own,


----------



## truespock (Jun 22, 2015)

Oh, I see Shalimar has a NEW boyfriend.  Watch out, Louis ... THIS one's a heartbreaker!

You know you're lonely when you ride the seniors bus to the grocery store just to visit with the other old crackpots ... and you're not even out of chocolate milk!


----------

