# How would you react to neighbors?



## debodun (Jun 21, 2015)

If you next door neighbors had a graduation party for their kid and you weren't invited, but during the festivities, they send a plate of food over to you, how would you feel?


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## SeaBreeze (Jun 21, 2015)

I wouldn't expect my neighbors to invite me to their family gatherings, and if they decided to send me over a plate of food, I'd think it was a nice gesture.


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## AZ Jim (Jun 21, 2015)

Sounds like it was a family type thing.  You are not in their family but they wanted to treat you.  You should accept it gratefully and not be so negative about it.


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## Falcon (Jun 21, 2015)

Petty.  Too trivial to even be concerned.


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## NancyNGA (Jun 21, 2015)

I'd prefer they just have their party and leave me out of it completely.


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## Davey Jones (Jun 21, 2015)

SeaBreeze said:


> I wouldn't expect my neighbors to invite me to their family gatherings, and if they decided to send me over a plate of food, I'd think it was a nice gesture.




Agree ,its their gathering and can do what they please.


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## SeaBreeze (Jun 21, 2015)

NancyNGA said:


> I'd prefer they just have their party and leave me out of it completely.



That would be my preference too Nancy, not to be invited at all or given any food afterwards.  Even if I was invited, I'd likely decline, unless of course this neighbor was so close over the years they were like family every day of the year.


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## Cookie (Jun 21, 2015)

Don't matter to me that I'm not invited, would accept the plate of food to be polite (I don't have to eat it) but would pass on leftover party food that may have been sitting out in the open. I think its a nice gesture, especially if the party might get noisy.


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## charlotta (Jun 21, 2015)

I would just chalk up as not being close friends, just neighbors.  Thank them for the food.  Throw out what you don't want.
Give your own party when you feel like and invite only ones that you know are your real friends.


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## applecruncher (Jun 21, 2015)

Falcon said:


> Petty. Too trivial to even be concerned.




This.  

Their party is their business.  It's really silly and juvenile for someone to get upset because a neighbor didn't invite them to their party.


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## hollydolly (Jun 21, 2015)

NancyNGA said:


> I'd prefer they just have their party and leave me out of it completely.



Me too, but if they were sending the food offering over as a peace gesture in case you were perhaps being bothered by the noise of the party then I'd accept it..like Cookie says you don't have to eat it.


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## applecruncher (Jun 21, 2015)

debodun - I have to ask: did this recently happen to you, and is there a history which makes you feel more strongly about it than some of the rest of us?

I think there should have been a third choice "Really just wish they'd have their party and leave me alone."


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## tnthomas (Jun 21, 2015)

I never turn down a plate of food.    ;-)


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## debodun (Jun 21, 2015)

applecruncher said:


> debodun - I have to ask: did this recently happen to you, and is there a history which makes you feel more strongly about it than some of the rest of us?



Not exactly. I was just thinking about all the graduation parties going on and some scenarios that might happen and wondering what other people would do in a situation.


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## oakapple (Jun 21, 2015)

I would think it was a very strange thing to do. you either invite a neighbour or you don't. why on earth take a plate of unwanted food to them?


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## Butterfly (Jun 21, 2015)

I'd say thanks and accept the plate.  I don't expect to be invited to neighbors' family celebrations.


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## applecruncher (Jun 21, 2015)

oakapple said:


> I would think it was a very strange thing to do. you either invite a neighbour or you don't. why on earth take a plate of unwanted food to them?



Unwanted? Personally, I wouldn’t take food over unless we’d talked about it.  But a person would have no way of knowing in advance the food was “unwanted”.  Like a plate of homemade cookies, etc. it’s not such a terrible thing and (imo) it does not send the message that the recipient isn’t “good enough”.  If recipient is going to overthink things _that_ much and take offense at such a gesture, it’s just as well they stay home…...easy to see why they weren’t invited to the party.


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## Butterfly (Jun 21, 2015)

I think this is a matter of WAAY overthinking an incident and trying to ascribe a nefarious meaning to something that just is what it is.  I don't see any way to be insulted by a neighbor's kind offering of food, but then I don't go around looking for ways to be insulted.


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## Glinda (Jun 22, 2015)

I'd probably be oblivious to my neighbor's party unless it became really noisy.  They certainly have no obligation to invite me just because I'm a neighbor.  As for the food, I'd accept it thankfully but might not eat it as most of my neighbors are meat eaters and I'm not.


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## Jackie22 (Jun 22, 2015)

SeaBreeze said:


> I wouldn't expect my neighbors to invite me to their family gatherings, and if they decided to send me over a plate of food, I'd think it was a nice gesture.




I agree with this...


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## RadishRose (Jun 22, 2015)

oakapple said:


> I would think it was a very strange thing to do. you either invite a neighbour or you don't. why on earth take a plate of unwanted food to them?



maybe it was leftover food, or they knew it would be.


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## ~Lenore (Jun 22, 2015)

*Being I am the Senior Citizen in my neighborhood, I would accept it as they were thinking of me.  I also figure they think I would not really want to be obliged to attend their party.   They know me pretty well and they would be correct.  *


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## oakapple (Jun 22, 2015)

Is this supposed to be a real incident?I thought it was meant to be' what would you think if' situation? if any of my neighbours were  hosting a party, I certainly would not worry if they hadn't invited us to it, we have family parties, BBQ's and so on without inviting all or any of the neighbours. I just think it would be strange if they then turned up on our doorstep with a plate of food, and it would be unwanted by me, as the thought of leftover food sitting out in the sun does not appeal greatly.This may be something that happens a lot in the US. I don't know, but doubt it would happen here.


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## oakapple (Jun 22, 2015)

On tv in shows from America, they feature neighbours taking baskets of cupcakes and a pie etc to new neighbours, but this has never happened to us when we have moved ( and we have moved houses a lot.)So this neighbourly food offering may well be a US thing I think.


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## Cookie (Jun 22, 2015)

It wouldn't happen here in Canada either.  I've moved countless times and no one has ever come over with a basket of goodies welcoming us to the neighborhood nor has anyone having a party has ever brought over food for us either, and there have been many many parties in my highrise over the years. It seems like a fictitious scenario like on a TV show taking place in a U.S suburban upscale neighborhood, e.g. Desperate Housewives?


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## oakapple (Jun 22, 2015)

Exactly Cookie, that was what I thought.


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## applecruncher (Jun 22, 2015)

Cookie/oakapple - there was a service called _"Welcome Wagon" _across the US ....an actual company that had offices (or chapters) in every city. They would knock on doors and/or place bags of goodies/coupons/small gifts at the front door shortly after people moved into an area. Not sure if they are still operating (I would think there would be a security/theft issue). They were very popular in the 60s and I remember getting a goodie bag from them several times in the 70s when I moved. But now people are more transient and I'd think it would get to be too much.

(Didn't mean to veer off the topic of the grad party/food.....)


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## Bullie76 (Jun 22, 2015)

tnthomas said:


> I never turn down a plate of food.    ;-)



A double bonus. Food w/o having to go to a graduation party.


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## jorgeaicardi (Jun 22, 2015)

I'd be happy for at least being considered for left-overs  I'm not big on parties anyways.


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## AprilSun (Jun 22, 2015)

I would be glad they didn't invite me but really appreciate the plate of food because they were being nice to me.


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## whisteria (Jun 22, 2015)

Well many years ago i was given some good advice ref nieghbours, 
advice,
Keep it friendly by saying hello and keep a little distance, dont live in their house and dont have them living in yours, 
If you dont get involved with chit chat then people can't say anything about you.

The advice i would give to anyone who asked me for advice ref nieghbours is this.
Try not to have any within ear shot, buy a home in its own land  & that shares nothing ie driveways or right of ways OR parking rights.

The last three homes we have bought we kept to these rules and we've not had any problems with any noise,parking, dogs barking, or loss of sleep when next door decides to have a party or put their head bourd on the deviding wall.
And if you intend having dogs etc just think about neighbours and "YOUR" dog barking!!!!!! you may feel it's not a problem hearing it barking, but if your neighbours work shift hours they may be trying to sleep, Or why should they have to put up with your interest in life?
A place on its own is perfect for you and your noise.

(It's so quiet here i swear i could hear a mouse fart, And my neighbour "way across the track" tells me he could smell the mouse farting) you dont get more peace perfect peace then three lives just doing what they want to do "the mouse farting, me hearing it and the neighbour smelling it.


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## oakapple (Jun 23, 2015)

applecruncher said:


> Cookie/oakapple - there was a service called _"Welcome Wagon" _across the US ....an actual company that had offices (or chapters) in every city. They would knock on doors and/or place bags of goodies/coupons/small gifts at the front door shortly after people moved into an area. Not sure if they are still operating (I would think there would be a security/theft issue). They were very popular in the 60s and I remember getting a goodie bag from them several times in the 70s when I moved. But now people are more transient and I'd think it would get to be too much.
> 
> (Didn't mean to veer off the topic of the grad party/food.....)


What did this business get out of it?Who paid for the goodies? Wish it operated here!


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## oakapple (Jun 23, 2015)

whisteria said:


> Well many years ago i was given some good advice ref nieghbours,
> advice,
> Keep it friendly by saying hello and keep a little distance, dont live in their house and dont have them living in yours,
> If you dont get involved with chit chat then people can't say anything about you.
> ...


Not keen on all the mouse farting, but otherwise some good advice. I do like to have some friendly interaction with neighbours though, and have a coffee and chat now and then.


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## applecruncher (Jun 23, 2015)

oakapple said:


> What did this business get out of it?Who paid for the goodies? Wish it operated here!



Apparently WW is still operating - btw they are in Canada and other countries: I googled and this is what I found:

_"When the company was founded, Welcome Wagon "hostesses" would visit new homeowners with a gift basket containing samples, coupons, and advertising from contributing businesses.[SUP][2][/SUP]__ These home visits continued for over 50 years until 1998, when then-owner __Cendant__ laid off the "hostesses", saying that changing demographics meant few homeowners would be at home when representatives called_.[SUP][3][/SUP]

_Welcome Wagon Canada, a separate company, continues to offer home visits. It also operates events for people planning a wedding or expecting a baby. Welcome Wagon in Canada was founded in 1930 and was run for many years by Pauline Hill, who first became a Hostess in 1953 and advanced to be head of the company as CEO (1962–1990).[SUP][1][/SUP]__ Welcome Wagon Ltd. became a wholly Canadian-owned entity in 1979 when a group of Canadian managers purchased it outright from the US owners. Currently, Welcome Wagon Ltd. (Canada) is being led by its CEO, Pat Neuman and its head office is situated in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Hostesses are now known as representatives"

(more)
_https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Welcome_Wagon


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## oakapple (Jun 23, 2015)

Thanks for the info applecruncher, interesting.The only thing I can think of here, if it still operates, is that when you have a baby in hospital, you get a welcome pack of baby goodies, samples etc from firms, a similar idea.


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## oldman (Jun 24, 2015)

I don't have to worry about this ever happening. I live in an executive development, meaning that everyone wears a coat and tie to work, or a designer dress. My neighbors are so stuck up, I think their arm would beak, if they waved to anyone.


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## Warrigal (Jun 24, 2015)

:lofl: Oh poor you, oldman.
I would hate that.

Why don't you run away and join the circus?


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## whisteria (Jun 24, 2015)

It's avery hard subject to talk about "ie should you be very friendly with your neighbours or just keep your distance?

I myself have found inlife that if you are the type of person always willing to help "never say no" you can become an easy touch, I remember lending a trailer to a neighbour to take some waste he had to a local landfill, 
When the trailer came back i was asked if i had insurance on the trailer, and if so could the nieghbour claim for the light he'd damaged on his car while he was reversing????

No mention to the damage done to the trailer,
If you have a set of ladders, a trailer, a drill, a rotovator ? wheel barrow etc etc etc etc , you can become a target, but the bit that once hurt my feelings was when i was asked (again)
by a nieghbour if he could use my ladder as is was cherry picking time again (he'd used my ladder several times)
As he was walking away with it he said " i could buy my own but whats the point of the two of us having ladders !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i WAS RETURNING HOME THAT NIGHT 11PM, and my ladder was proped up against this cherry tree in the lane we're we use to live " a perfect gift for a ladder thief"
I took the ladder down and put it back in our garage,
Three days went by and not a ward mentioned ref the ladder, I asked the nieghbour "Have you finished with my ladder yet?

He didnt know what to say or we're to look, and my wife added that ladder only cost £300 "have you seen the prices today?"

He got the message and never asked again.


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## QuickSilver (Jun 24, 2015)

I think my relationship with the neighbors is perfect.   We are not buddy-buddy...  we do not visit each other's houses..  We try to be considerate of one another with noise iissues..  We wave hello over the fence...  that's about it.     HOWEVER, when a problem arises..  being snowed in, or flooding, or some other incident, we help one another and we watch out for one another.    I'd say that is about as perfect as it gets.


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## whisteria (Jun 24, 2015)

Hi quick silver,
You've got it in one, be friendly and not hostile "But" but if needed or indeed you feel you need help "both leave the door adjar" just incase.


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## Butterfly (Jun 24, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> I think my relationship with the neighbors is perfect.   We are not buddy-buddy...  we do not visit each other's houses..  We try to be considerate of one another with noise iissues..  We wave hello over the fence...  that's about it.     HOWEVER, when a problem arises..  being snowed in, or flooding, or some other incident, we help one another and we watch out for one another.    I'd say that is about as perfect as it gets.




This pretty much describes my relationship with my neighbors -- we chat when we meet in the street or something, but we all pitch in if one of us needs help.  We keep an eye on each other's houses when someone is gone.


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## applecruncher (Jun 24, 2015)

I think as we get older, most of us have learned to establish and respect boundaries – although not always.  I don’t recall if it was here or another site but where I lived about 10 yrs ago I had a few neighbors who really got on my nerves.  It was a more transient area (used to be very nice but kind of went downhill), and there was a lot of knocking on doors, borrowing, wanting to get into people’s lives…ugh. I had to get firm with a couple people and it didn’t go over well.  But now I’m very pleased with my neighbor relationships.  Civil, not too close, but quite comfortable.


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## truespock (Jun 24, 2015)

My neighbors are well removed, on top of which, my property is completely surrounded by an eighth foot wall with locked gates.  They are reasonably quiet, as am I, and I rarely hear them at all through my soundproofing and double-paned windows, which I seldom open.  We don't know each other, we've never spoken and I'm quite certain they'd never realize it if I were to drop dead. I have a cell phone for 'emergencies', which is always turned off unless I need to make a call myself.  I have no family and do not cultivate friends so I'm fairly confident that I'm not missing anything important.  I only leave the house when I need something from the store and I can go weeks between such occasions.

So I guess the short answer to this question would be, "Neighbors?  WHAT neighbors?!"


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## debodun (Jun 25, 2015)

whisteria said:


> If you dont get involved with chit chat then people can't say anything about you.




Oh yes they can!


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## Linda (Jun 27, 2015)

My first thought was "Is there cake?" I'd be thrilled if they just sent over a piece of cake.  I wouldn't mind at all not being invited.  My neighbors know me well enough to not bother inviting me to parties and so far, none have sent over cake.  We have had neighbors give us wine, chocolates and cookies for watching their dogs while they were out of town or as a "sorry to hear you are having surgery" gift.  We are "talking over the fence" neighbors.  I don't go in there house and they don't come in mine.  My husband goes over and helps out with this and that sometimes and he's also more chatty than I am.


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## Butterfly (Jun 27, 2015)

debodun said:


> Oh yes they can!



Yeah, but who cares?


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## Sassycakes (Oct 16, 2016)

The first thing that came to my mind when I read this it made me wonder if by sending food over to you ,did they expect you in return to send a gift to the kid that graduated.
Another thing I was wondering was if they  invited a lot of the other neighbors and just left you out. If the other neighbors weren't invited did  they also get a dish of food afterwards like you  did. Knowing any of that would be how I  would react to the food.


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## debodun (Oct 16, 2016)

Sassycakes said:


> The first thing that came to my mind when I read this it made me wonder if by sending food over to you ,did they expect you in return to send a gift to the kid that graduated.
> Another thing I was wondering was if they  invited a lot of the other neighbors and just left you out. If the other neighbors weren't invited did  they also get a dish of food afterwards like you  did. Knowing any of that would be how I  would react to the food.



I think if I wasn't invited to the party on their premises, they shouldn't expect a gift. Sending food over is kind of short notice for that. It was probably some leftovers and they said, "What can we do with this?", so sent it over to get rid of it. Just speculation on my part, though. It was a while ago, and I do not know or care who was on the guest list. It's not like I was standing out at the fence and peering in their yard.


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## Carla (Oct 16, 2016)

There have been numerous parties in my neighborhood to which I have not been invited. I have never expected to be and in fact, when the young couple next door has a party, I make myself scarce. We all have a right to privacy, and our yards are close so I extend that courtesy to any neighbors. My party days are over, but if I had people over, I would kind of expect similar courtesy. Maybe sending a slice of cake would be a nice gesture, but more than that, I wouldn't do or even expect anyone to do. Neighbors are neighbors--some may know each other a long time and have become friends but for the most part, are not really friends or relatives, so no hurt feelings there!


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## fureverywhere (Oct 16, 2016)

Hey I'm not a social butterfly in our neighborhood. Send some cake, potato salad and Jerk Chicken and we'll appreciate you forever:love_heart:


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## Aunt Bea (Oct 16, 2016)

I would be relieved if I  was not invited! 

 I prefer to keep neighbors at arms length in case an issue comes up that needs to be dealt with.  Don't get me wrong, I'm cordial, smile, wave, etc...  I just prefer not to have too close or casual a relationship with them.

As far as bringing me a plate of food is concerned.  I would thank them for it, close the door, dump it in the trash, wash the plate and return it the next day.  I'm very funny about eating food that is prepared by people that I don't know and I really don't like other peoples scraps or leftovers.

Aren't you glad you don't live next door to me!!!


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## fureverywhere (Oct 17, 2016)

In our neighborhood walking outside during dinner hour can make you drool. There are many families from the islands, Italian, Polish, Dominican...I could just float into their houses on the fragrance...you want to send over food by all means, in fact I might gift you in return with one of my famous apple cakes


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## RadishRose (Oct 17, 2016)

The graduation party guests were probably immediate family, relatives, close family friends; people who would be bringing gifts.

  I think that the friendly neighbor who got a plate of food got a special treat. It appears the party givers didn't want the neighbor to feel a gift should be brought, maybe not even close enough to invite in the first place but they showed good will and some kind of compensation for the noise. and a bit of sharing. They were gracious and the food recipient benefited from that graciousness.


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## Butterfly (Oct 17, 2016)

RadishRose said:


> The graduation party guests were probably immediate family, relatives, close family friends; people who would be bringing gifts.
> 
> I think that the friendly neighbor who got a plate of food got a special treat. It appears the party givers didn't want the neighbor to feel a gift should be brought, maybe not even close enough to invite in the first place but they showed good will and some kind of compensation for the noise. and a bit of sharing. They were gracious and the food recipient benefited from that graciousness.



I agree -- a couple months ago my neighbors to the north had a celebration of some kind and the neighbor brought me over a big piece of homemade carrot cake.  I was delighted by her kindness and enjoyed the heck out of the cake.  I didn't think of it as "how to get rid of the cake" but rather as perhaps our neighbor would enjoy a piece of cake.  It they just wanted to "get rid of the leftovers" they could have just chucked them in the trash.  Sometimes graciousness is just graciousness, with no ulterior motive, for heaven's sake.   I thought it was kind of them to think of me and take the trouble to bring me a piece of their homemade cake.


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## Carla (Oct 17, 2016)

Another thought here would be that if you ask one or two neighbors, you may create hard feelings amongst others.


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## Wren (Oct 18, 2016)

If others neighbours had been invited I would feel hurt but if it was just a party for the family and their friends I would consider it quite a nice gesture


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