# Your Siblings - Are You Friends



## Jules (Feb 13, 2021)

Has anyone grown up and drifted away from your brothers or sisters?  It seems like so many people do this.  Sometimes it’s quite nasty.  

My ex and his sister wouldn’t talk for years after he made some smart ass comment.  Even then it wasn’t too cordial.  

My daughters talk every day.  My husband’s sons only get together for some events and never just call to chat.


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## Aunt Marg (Feb 13, 2021)

Oh yes, we've all drifted apart over the years.

The catalyst for such was when mom and dad passed away. That was the beginning of the end.

Mom and dad were the heartbeat of the family, once they were gone, all quickly fizzled out.


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## charry (Feb 13, 2021)

I have nothing to do with my siblings.....


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## J.B Books (Feb 13, 2021)

I do not communicate with my sister.
She is a guest of the world and self centric.
After our mother died there is no reason to.
I took care of my mother in her declining years with dementia.
She lived with us for a while. Without going into painful details she digressed so bad she needed 24 hour care and I had to put her in a nursing home near me.
My sister didn't lift a finger to help care for her mother.
All she did was ask for money.
That's just the tip of the iceberg but it was the last straw.
Heck. I went 16 years without talking to her before.


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## Pepper (Feb 13, 2021)

Aunt Marg said:


> Oh yes, we've all drifted apart over the years.
> 
> *The catalyst for such was when mom and dad passed away. That was the beginning of the end.
> 
> Mom and dad were the heartbeat of the family, once they were gone, all quickly fizzled out.*


Same here.  Breaks my heart.  Never in a million years did I expect this.  I've done everything I can, two or three times over.  I had to give up.  

My older sister, who was never that pulled together..............worse, my three nephews that I loved as sons.

I have stopped going to Facebook.  I can't stand seeing them living without me.


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## Pepper (Feb 13, 2021)

Ps
I'm very proud of myself that I've stopped looking at them or for them


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## Irwin (Feb 13, 2021)

My sister is a psycho, so no. I'd bet she could be professionally diagnosed as a sociopath with narcissistic personality disorder, although she's a pathological liar and could probably put up a good front for the examination.


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## Aunt Marg (Feb 13, 2021)

Pepper said:


> Same here.  Breaks my heart.  Never in a million years did I expect this.  I've done everything I can, two or three times over.  I had to give up.
> 
> My older sister, who was never that pulled together..............worse, my three nephews that I loved as sons.
> 
> I have stopped going to Facebook.  I can't stand seeing them living without me.


I feel bad for you, Peps.

Myself, I'm a different cut of cloth, and what I found for a time after mom and dad passed away, was that I got calls and invites and such, but I sensed more that it was being formulated as a duty more than anything, and nothing is a bigger turnoff for me.

Telephone calls, get-togethers, slowly, they happened less-and-less, until such a point where we seldom talk now, and sadly, I'm good with it.

My thoughts are, we strive for perfection our entire lives, trying to reach the sky, and in doing so, we often burn ourselves out early on, and so when the mature years come and life settles, those like myself don't care to expend any more energy on things that don't interest me, and so an eventual pull-apart unfolds, and in time the fizz fizzles out, and we spend our last years doing for ourselves, doing what pleases us, all else takes a backseat.


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## Lara (Feb 13, 2021)

I have 2 sisters and we're all friends We don't stay in touch as much since my mother passed away in 2016. Are mothers the one's that hold the family together that much? I think I'll call them right now. Thanks for this thread Jules...it's a nice reminder for us all


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## funsearcher! (Feb 13, 2021)

Visits twice a year and phone calls monthly  Takes effort to maintain, but worth it


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## Aunt Bea (Feb 13, 2021)

We get along but we are not close.

My sister used to call a couple of times a year but now she stays in touch using FB Messenger.  My brother calls when he needs something or has some bad news to share which only happens every few years.

I don't call either of them because I have a knack for always calling at the wrong time and interrupting something more important to them than my call.

It sounds pretty grim but that's the way it is.  

Not right or wrong, good or bad, just the way it is.


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## bowmore (Feb 13, 2021)

My sister and I are close. We are separated by 2500 miles and NY vs. California attitudes. I speak to her and BIL every week. She was a great help in taking care of our mother in her last years. The last time I saw her was at mom's funeral, which was a week after mom's 102nd birthday, which we both attended.


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## dobielvr (Feb 13, 2021)

Aunt Marg said:


> Oh yes, we've all drifted apart over the years.
> 
> The catalyst for such was when mom and dad passed away. That was the beginning of the end.
> 
> Mom and dad were the heartbeat of the family, once they were gone, all quickly fizzled out.


Yep, same here.
We've all tried to get along thru the years, but my brother gets mad at me for something I do or say.  I've apologized, asked for forgiveness...but nothing.  It's unfortunate, but oh well, I just miss seeing my niece and nephew. altho , they know where I live!  We do speak on the phone occasionally.

And, my sis....too much alcohol to deal with.  I have to stay away for my own health.  I'm her target.

The sad thing is my mother always told us kids to never hold a grudge.

Both my siblings are older...


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## Aunt Marg (Feb 13, 2021)

dobielvr said:


> Yep, same here.
> We've all tried to get along thru the years, but my brother gets mad at me for something I do or say.  I've apologized, asked for forgiveness...but nothing.  It's unfortunate, but oh well, I just miss seeing my niece and nephew. altho , they know where I live!  We do speak on the phone occasionally.
> 
> And, my sis....too much alcohol to deal with.  I have to stay away for my own health.  I'm her target.
> ...


The sad thing related to me and my siblings, Dob, is the fact that my mom (leading up to her death) couldn't impress upon us kids enough, that were to stick together and get closer, and that we would get closer.

Well, such was not the case and I'm sure it's caused her to roll in her grave.


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## dobielvr (Feb 13, 2021)

Aunt Marg said:


> The sad thing related to me and my siblings, Dob, is the fact that my mom (leading up to her death) couldn't impress upon us kids enough, that were to stick together and get closer, and that we would get closer.
> 
> Well, such was not the case and I'm sure it's caused her to roll in her grave.


I know Marg, my mother made a point of trying to remain close to her siblings. in which she succeeded.  All except her younger sister, they had a falling out in later life, and now my sister and I are following that same pattern.

Our parents only want what's best for us.


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## Don M. (Feb 13, 2021)

My Sister and I have always been close friends.  We live about 800 miles apart, but we used to always call each other about once a month.  However, about 3 years ago, she and my brother-in-law both seemed to be declining, mentally.  The nearby cousins also noticed the changes, and everyone encouraged them to check with their doctor....which they refused.  Eventually, about a year ago, they got so bad that they had to be put in a nice care facility.  I still call Sis about once a month, but I'm surprised that she even remembers who I am.  

Dementia is a Curse....but Sis thinks everything is just fine....she has lost all touch with reality.


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## Aunt Marg (Feb 13, 2021)

dobielvr said:


> I know Marg, my mother made a point of trying to remain close to her siblings. in which she succeeded.  All except her younger sister, they had a falling out in later life, and now my sister and I are following that same pattern.
> 
> Our parents only want what's best for us.


It's a shame, but the older I get and the more people speak with related to this very thing, the more I learn that it's incredibly common, which up until a handful of years ago, I would have never guessed that so many families go through this.


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## horseless carriage (Feb 13, 2021)

Someone once said: "Your friends, you choose. Your family, you're stuck with. Ain't that the truth? My wife has two brothers and two sisters, the two brothers died aged 60 & 64 respectively. My wife's parents have both passed away after living a long life, she and her two sisters are on the phone every other day, or they are texting regularly.

My siblings and I have all drifted apart. It's hard to say why, we are definitely not estranged, the only cause that I can think of is the fact that we have no kids. Why that should ruffle feathers is beyond me, but for one of my sisters, it used to be a big issue, but not so of late.


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## C'est Moi (Feb 13, 2021)

My sister and I are very close; we live 1000 miles apart but talk on the phone a couple of times a week.   I lost my brother last summer, but we were also close.  I miss him very much.


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## grahamg (Feb 13, 2021)

"Funny you should ask",......, (unfortunately too long a story to begin to explain, but its fair to assume my entrenched conviction as a child our family would never fall out or betray one another has proved as naive as my mother and father suggested it was when I professed my faith in them all.  ).


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## Lewkat (Feb 13, 2021)

Nope.  Too many years and miles separate us.  Nothing in common with one another.


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## Jules (Feb 13, 2021)

It seems as we age and change, once the parents are gone there’s no reason to associate anymore.


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## Pepper (Feb 13, 2021)

Jules said:


> It seems as we age and change, once the parents are gone there’s no reason to associate anymore.


Unless some type of abuse was involved I couldn't disagree with that thought more.


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## Lewkat (Feb 13, 2021)

I tend to agree with you Jules.  And, Pepper, what is your reasoning that abuse was involved?  In our family, our parents were the focal point of our lives and we honored them with our presence at every occasion.  After they passed, we acknowledged that we really did not even know one another and each has gone his/her own way.  No big deal.


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## Lethe200 (Feb 13, 2021)

Like Aunt Bea, I get along with my one remaining older sister, but we're not close. She tends to take offense at certain things but refuses to tell me exactly what she's upset about. She did say one time that it offended her that I had more money to spend on her kids than she did.

I replied in surprise, "Well, of course I do. I may make less than you do, but you're a single mom with two great kids under ten! Spouse (an only child, as she knew) and I have no kids and a rent-controlled apartment - who else would we spend money on?"

Apparently she was extremely upset that we offered to help pay the tuition for one of the kids to go to the private school she had enrolled them in. It was a top-notch school, and the public education is abysmal in our state, so we thought it was important they get a solid head start in learning.

Go figure! Anyway, after a couple of years she started talking to me again. But then she pulled the same "no I don't want to talk to you any more" but wouldn't tell me why. I just shrugged at that point and said, "Whatever you want, sis."

We're very good friends with her kids, and her ex-husband. Sister is also good friends with her ex, and we all get together for family stuff (well, pre-COVID we did) as he has no family around here.

It's been about ten years now. We occasionally talk and are pleasant with one another, but I don't go out of my way to force a relationship she doesn't seem to want.

My younger brother and I get along like gang-busters (which may also be a sore point with sister). We don't talk often, but when we do we can talk for hours on end. When he visits the family here, he prefers to stay with me and spouse.

Very true that friends are the family one picks, LOL!


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## IrisSenior (Feb 13, 2021)

Not really. Once Mom passed away in Aug 2000 we saw less and less of each other. I did see more of my older brother but he has dementia now (he still knows me) and a younger sister and younger brother are living in the same condo now. Oldest brother's dementia is so bad now I don't think he remembers me (did a Facetime last month); I need to be able to actually visit him which I hope will be this year or at least before he dies. The closest sibling I had was a younger sister but she died in June 1986 at the age of 30. My oldest sister passed away in 2015 but we were not close. Seems most of the time that any of them want to see me it has to do with money. Lately though we have been talking on the phone more and hopefully in the future we will be able to connect again. Sigh...stupid pandemic.


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## moviequeen1 (Feb 13, 2021)

I was never close to my older sister,younger brother while we were growing up since I was  away at boarding schools age 10-16,saw them during summer&Xmas vacations
I'm very close to my brother now,we talk every Sun,since May we've been doing Sun 'Zoom meeting' with him&his family
I was never close to my sister since she lives In England,lately she has joined our Sun Zoom meeting which is great.I haven't seen her  in 8 yrs,my hope we can all be together in person in Sept for a family wedding in NYC


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## horseless carriage (Feb 13, 2021)

Just drifting away from siblings for a moment. As a newly married couple, we befriended four couples, none of which knew each other. Those four couples all had two kids apiece. My wife and I had the honour of being asked to be Godparents to all eight. It was a true privilege, one we that we felt so very complimented to be asked. We don't have kids but we do have eight wonderful Godchildren. 

The reason for telling you that is because all eight are now adult, aged between 33 and 48, all text us regularly and are all in contact with us far more than their own parents. Go figure that!


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## funsearcher! (Feb 13, 2021)

Actually just planning a vacation with my brother for June-assuming we both have our vaccines by then--road trip in the mts to see his daughters.


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## Nosy Bee-54 (Feb 13, 2021)

This thread is quite depressing but I but I guess it par for course with most siblings. I get along fine with my brother. We're not all that close even though we WhatsApp about once a week.


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## Aneeda72 (Feb 13, 2021)

Nope and since  the election was won, he has refused to speak to me, denying me my “I told you so rights”.  . What a jerk


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## Sassycakes (Feb 13, 2021)

*Me and my sister are very close and I would say she is my best friend. We had an older brother, who is gone now, but cut us out of his life years ago. Sadly when he passed he even cut his 2 sons out of his will and left everything to his daughter. He passed away as a very wealthy man and I will never understand how he did what he did to his sons*.


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## PamfromTx (Feb 13, 2021)

I have two older sisters and we're very close.  The oldest can get bratty but I know she loves us.      I can't find a word to describe her!  lol

We're all we've got, sibling wise, that is.  

All of our aunts and uncles have passed away as have our parents.  My only brother and the youngest of all four of us died in a tragic car accident in 2001.


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## Kathleen’s Place (Feb 13, 2021)

I an older brother and sister and we have managed to stay close even tho miles separate us.  I’ve always considered my brother my second best friend next to my husband. Politics managed to put a polite difference between my VERY democrat brother and my VERY republican sister.  I just agree with which ever one I happen to be on the phone with....easier that way


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## Giants fan1954 (Feb 13, 2021)

Was never close to my older brother,made a feeble attempt in 2004 but never got off the ground...
Was always close to my younger brother,our parents died before we were teenagers and we got bounced around some.
Fast forward to the last 10 years,my husband passed and my brothers husband had some hateful conversations with my daughter and myself.
I had just become sober and I cut ties with these 2,they are both terrible alcoholics, the husband is also bipolar and has some health issues related to his lifestyle.


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 13, 2021)

Two of my siblings have been deceased for many years now, my oldest sister and my brother.  I still have a sister living, but she's in another state, so we're not very close.  We still love each other and chat by phone a couple of times a year, occasional email and send birthday and  Christmas cards.  We always got along, no family problems.


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## grahamg (Feb 13, 2021)

Pepper said:


> Unless some type of abuse was involved I couldn't disagree with that thought more.


I'm with you on this generally in spite of the behaviour of most of my siblings as I see it, and I have some very moving words taken from a tapestry, the amazing needlework completed one hundred and fifty years ago concerning a large family, and the hope the parents love, or fathers love, would bind those children together to look after one another into the future.

(if I can find the extract from a different age, I'll try to post it for you)


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## Gary O' (Feb 13, 2021)

Nosy Bee-54 said:


> I get along fine with my brother. We're not all that close even though we WhatsApp about once a week.


Yeah, that's where me and my fat little brother are.

Since Mom died (he was her fair haired boy), we became 'closer'

Heh, when I was a teen (with a lead foot) he'd always rat me out.
Thinking about it, he ratted me out on most everything I did.

Prolly why I left home early 

Now we talk about it all and laugh our hide ends off

...little rat fink


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## Ruby Rose (Feb 13, 2021)

horseless carriage said:


> Someone once said: "Your friends, you choose. Your family, you're stuck with. Ain't that the truth? My wife has two brothers and two sisters, the two brothers died aged 60 & 64 respectively. My wife's parents have both passed away after living a long life, she and her two sisters are on the phone every other day, or they are texting regularly.
> 
> My siblings and I have all drifted apart. It's hard to say why, we are definitely not estranged, the only cause that I can think of is the fact that we have no kids. Why that should ruffle feathers is beyond me, but for one of my sisters, it used to be a big issue, but not so of late.


Unfortunately...actually broke my heart...my siblings (and I came from a large family) became estranged with me because they did not 'like' my husband...a nationality difference...and of course, we moved always.


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## MarciKS (Feb 13, 2021)

Considering my kid brother has nothing to do with me I'm going with no.


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## Jeweltea (Feb 13, 2021)

I had four older sisters, all much older than me. The one closest in age to me is 8 years older...the oldest is 22 years older than me.  One sister is dead now. I live across the country from all of the 3 remaining. We are not close but never have been. We get along though...send Christmas cards and very occasionally talk on the phone.

My husband is the same...not close but occasionally they talk on the phone and get along, except for his sister who unfortunately believes in Q and has pulled some pretty terrible things. My husband and siblings do not have anything to do with her.


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## dobielvr (Feb 13, 2021)

Gary O' said:


> ...little rat fink


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## Keesha (Feb 13, 2021)

I had this long answer written out but the simple answer is no. My one brother died late ‘80’s and I don’t talk to my other brother at all for reasons I don’t wish to disclose.


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## grahamg (Feb 14, 2021)

Quote from 150 year old tapestry left in an old farmhouse after the large family it relates to had long moved out:

_*"We are the children of one father, provided for by his care and the breast of one mother hath given you suck. Let the bonds of affection therefore unite thee with they brothers that peace and happiness may dwell in the brothers house, and when ye separate in the world remember the relationship that bindeth you to love and unity. If thy brother is in adversity assist him, if thy sister is in trouble forsake her not, so shall the fortunes of thy father contribute to the support of his whole race and his care be continued to you all in your love to each other."*_ ‍👩‍👨‍


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## Ruby Rose (Feb 14, 2021)

My siblings, etc have pretty well all passed...there is a cpl of outlaws (inlaws) left but no contact for many years...but, you know I am still standing! At times, I actually feel like Little Orphan Annie...one of my favourite cartoon strips. Religion + Nationality + were so many factors dictated (small minds) or rather 'craziness'. Such a loss one would think & that is too late to reverse. Well all in all, I am happy, loved, healthy, sane and like I said 'still standing'...you can't ask for more than that. Now, if it wasn't so darn cold, I'd layer up, grab my trusty toboggan from my red shed and find a hill but darn, I don't have a beer in the house...just wine and simply not the same. 
One bonus, if you will, about this estrangement of sorts, I wrote a lot of stories, etc and if you look real close you would see a semblance to my past (some of my siblings would have) as I tend to write in the stance of a diarist.


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## terry123 (Feb 14, 2021)

The three of us have grown closer now that we are older.  My sister and I talk twice a week and my brother calls or emails each week.


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## charry (Feb 14, 2021)

dobielvr said:


> Yep, same here.
> We've all tried to get along thru the years, but my brother gets mad at me for something I do or say.  I've apologized, asked for forgiveness...but nothing.  It's unfortunate, but oh well, I just miss seeing my niece and nephew. altho , they know where I live!  We do speak on the phone occasionally.
> 
> And, my sis....too much alcohol to deal with.  I have to stay away for my own health.  I'm her target.
> ...




My mum , has always caused trouble between all 5 of us......
She hates any of us getting close...everything has to go through her and still does , even tho she’s 95 ........
Dob.....my eldest sister is a drunk and so rude...I’ve put up with her for years , but finally about 10yrs ago...enough was enough.....   Thankgod she’s 400 miles away....!!!


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## Ruby Rose (Feb 14, 2021)

charry said:


> My mum , has always caused trouble between all 5 of us......
> She hates any of us getting close...everything has to go through her and still does , even tho she’s 95 ........
> Dob.....my eldest sister is a drunk and so rude...I’ve put up with her for years , but finally about 10yrs ago...enough was enough.....   Thankgod she’s 400 miles away....!!!


We were eight and seemingly got along great...lots of laugh and doing things together...my 5 brothers protected me always...taught me a lot, etc..etc. The problems began when I married a man who was of Russian/German descent and I am French/English...oil and water do not mix! Enough said!


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## Llynn (Feb 14, 2021)

Only child.


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## Ruby Rose (Feb 14, 2021)

Llynn said:


> Only child.


I honestly don't know what is would be like being an only child and have never wished I was.


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## Pecos (Feb 14, 2021)

I am fairly close to my two brothers, but all of us refuse to have anything to do with our younger sister who has behaved badly so many times. After I executed our father's will and sent her a check, I closed her chapter in my book of life.


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## Right Now (Feb 14, 2021)

My older brother and I never did get along, different as night and day. He lies and always has, and I can't tolerate it.  My sister is 4 years younger than me.  I thought we were always quite close, until one day she decided we weren't. They are both in FL now, so many miles separate us, too.  I love her, but have only spoken to her twice in ten years.  So, no close ties with them at all, and hasn't been for over a decade.  Families are a tough bunch, for certain.  I agree with others here, after the parents are gone, the stuffing leaves the pillow.


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## Aunt Marg (Feb 14, 2021)

Right Now said:


> My older brother and I never did get along, different as night and day. He lies and always has, and I can't tolerate it.  My sister is 4 years younger than me.  I thought we were always quite close, until one day she decided we weren't. They are both in FL now, so many miles separate us, too.  I love her, but have only spoken to her twice in ten years.  So, no close ties with them at all, and hasn't been for over a decade.  Families are a tough bunch, for certain.  I agree with others here, *after the parents are gone, the stuffing leaves the pillow.*


How I love how you worded that, Right. 

So true.


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## CinnamonSugar (Feb 14, 2021)

While my two older brothers and one older sister have never been talk-every-week close, recently we have started group-emailing to wish each other happy (whatever) holiday, check on each other if bad weather or other major problem is close by and generally cheer each other on.   They checked in on me when I had COVID.  I feel like we're closer now.


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## OneEyedDiva (Feb 14, 2021)

I had a boss who was estranged from his sister.  My honorary son also has this issue with his older brother. His younger brother, the one he was close with, passed away last year. One of my online friends also, but her sister passed away a couple of years ago. My situation is just the opposite. I found out I had (half) siblings when I was 50 years old. I finally got to meet them (quite a story I'll tell at another time). My oldest sister had died before I found out I had siblings. My sister and I bonded immediately and so did me and our oldest brother. I became very close with both of them and they were quite close. The other brother lived a distance away so we met but never got to know each other, even after he moved in with our oldest brother. My sister is my only surviving sibling. My online friend met her half brother who she discovered through Ancestry in 2019. She traveled from California to Virginia to meet him and they became close but he died within a year.  It's sad to hear about siblings who don't get along.


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## Jeni (Feb 14, 2021)

I have no clue why some seem to think DNA makes everything OK ..
or that family has to be best friends they don't. 
I see so many families that fake it and pretend at being friends...... dread holidays and gatherings .......but then play it off ....when others say they are not friends with siblings .........that they are so close....  i doubt it.

people grow and change and often do not pursue similar interests and have nothing in common.What do you talk about after any updates on basic items and remembering   some same old family story then disagree about the details......

My siblings are horrible people....... i would not become friends with them if i met them anywhere else.... 

ANY addiction ruins people and no DNA is going to fix that.

I use to torment myself asking how they could become such horrible people when we had same parents/ raised same way.


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## charry (Feb 15, 2021)

Llynn said:


> Only child.


My husband is an only child , and says Thankgod he was ,hearing all the stories.....he had lovely parents and aunts ,uncles and cousins ......


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## dobielvr (Feb 15, 2021)

charry said:


> My mum , has always caused trouble between all 5 of us......
> She hates any of us getting close...everything has to go through her and still does , even tho she’s 95 ........
> Dob.....my eldest sister is a drunk and so rude...I’ve put up with her for years , but finally about 10yrs ago...enough was enough.....   Thankgod she’s 400 miles away....!!!


Gosh, I'm sorry to hear about your mom's treatment of you and your siblings.  I wonder why she does that?

I've tried for many years to be more understanding and caring of my sister's behavior, but when her 'ugly ' comes out, it's always directed towards me.  Cause I guess, she knows I'll forgive her.  But, this last time....was the last time!!
She needs a lot of attention, so I'm going to stay away so she can get it.

I'll love her from afar, like my brother does...we all live about 1 mile from each other. lol


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## rkunsaw (Feb 15, 2021)

My sister and my brother both have opposite views  from me on just about any subject especially politics and religion. My brother hasn't spoken to me in years but my sister and I have a good relationship in spite of her being wrong on all subjects.


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## Jeni (Feb 16, 2021)

I re-read my post seems quite cold ...... but i would ask anyone to imagine running into the most self centered needy people you can picture and then being told you are supposed to have any sort of relationship with them..... 

I guess i do not understand  the concept of forgive and forget just because you had the same parents... 
my dad was only child so no issue for him, but my mother,  I remember talked crap about her siblings each time we were headed to any event then smiled and hugged them as if they were so great.........seemed so two faced and awkward to me..........  that really confuses a child to see a parent who insists that you do not lie .....do it at every family event. 

My siblings were NEVER there for me ..... always about them ..... I tried but there was no saving them from themselves. 
 My husband saw it early on....  put up with horrible family events for years before I decided they were just too far gone to be around our kids etc..... I appreciate he wanted me to make the decision myself.... they still blame him I am sure. 

they even lie to old family friends and cousins etc to explain why they have no contact.............. had a cousin believe I was in a coma for the last 7 years...it was a real hoot listening to their tall tales of what happened. 
Have ran into a few of  my siblings past friends............. when they asked about them said I have zero to do with them and they all say "good for you......"   

Reading through other posts I wish it was just different opinions or beliefs  that is something a person could overcome.


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## fuzzybuddy (Feb 19, 2021)

My mom had psychiatric issues. She was extremely manipulative, and strove to cause dissention. Let me give you an example, my brother's  17/18 year old daughter was mixed up with a 43 year old married guy., with three kids  Without my brother knowing about it, my mom would let them use her upstairs bedroom as a rendezvous place. My mom was always having fights with this one , and that one. When I was little kid, I remember the bright, flashing blue lights of the cop cars  that came to break up fights. My family all moved away from the small town we came from. We just kind of lead our own lives. I don't know how much, if any, did my mom's issues contribute to that.


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## fuzzybuddy (Feb 19, 2021)

After reading about some of the families, you wonder. My ex adored her brother, but his wife always put the ex down. Well, anyway,  She hadn't heard from him in over a month, so we drove down to where they used to live. There was a "For Sale" sign on the house. They were gone, he  sold his home, and moved away to another state, without ever telling my ex. I really felt bad for her. And the thing was she was so tickled to have him as her brother. Geesh, families.


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## Marie5656 (Feb 19, 2021)

*I am the youngest of three. Middle brother was 10 years older than me (he passed in 2016) we were always close..and friends. My oldest brother is 15 years older. In his 80s now.  He moved on out of home when I was about 2. So we never really developed a close brother/sister relationship.  We spent many years not being close.  But now that we are both adults we communicate MUCH more often. Monthly (or more) phone call. See each other maybe once a year. I am in NY, he is in Conn.  I do enjoy our new relationship.*


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## Mr. Ed (Feb 19, 2021)

I can be friendly to my siblings but friends cannot be my siblings


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## Ruthanne (Feb 19, 2021)

My siblings and I are not close and I tried to change that over the years but I have given up.  Some of us still communicate but very little.


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## Fyrefox (Feb 20, 2021)

I only have one sister, nine years my elder.  We both endured and she helped me survive a narcissistic, emotionally abusive mother for decades.  Although geographically separated by over 200 miles, we remain close in the things that matter.  I've just come to accept that her children and grandchildren claim most of her time and energy, which is as it should be...


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## Dana (Feb 20, 2021)

We all get on really well but unfortunately several live overseas, so the chances of seeing them in the near future is not on the cards


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## Jeni (Feb 20, 2021)

i guess the definition of friends has been redefined.......... 

When i was on facebook....... i was "friends" with former co-workers that i have not seen or spoken to in over a decade.........
have not seen or spoke to siblings in many years either......... 

i guess the difference is some of those long lost co-workers i would sit down and have a coffee or tea with and catch up .............

siblings no way...


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## MrPants (Feb 20, 2021)

Two sisters, both dead from unwise life choices. One brother (younger). We got along as kids, sort of. I think I teased him too much which always set him off - then we'd fight lol. He's not been very motivated in life and has a bad temper so I had drifted away from him in our adult lives. Now our Mom is in a care facility close to where he lives and we have had to communicate over various issues in the past 6 months or so. It's been good and nice to have re-established a relationship. I wonder what will happen once Mom passes though. I expect we'll drift apart again after awhile. We are just two very different people with different lives and different interests. That plus we don't live anywhere near each other. As far as other relatives, we rarely communicate. When you live in a very isolated place, people tend to just forget about you I think. Maybe I should be making more of an effort? Yeah .... maybe not.


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## HoneyNut (Feb 21, 2021)

This thread motivated me to send a text to my brother.  That is basically our connection, texting each other a couple times a year.  He replied with a nice long response and offer to visit in the summer (assuming vaccinated by then I think, he is still waiting to be eligible and so am I).  He also said he enjoyed my holiday letter.  So now I'm regretting having hand written it because I have no idea what I said and don't want to be one of those people who keep repeating the same news in each letter, but there is so little going on this year, ugh hard to think of anything interesting to say.


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## Ruby Rose (Feb 21, 2021)

It is above 0C...I can't wait until it gets even nicer so I can hang my sheets on the clothesline!


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## peramangkelder (Feb 21, 2021)

Right Now said:


> My older brother and I never did get along, different as night and day. He lies and always has, and I can't tolerate it.  My sister is 4 years younger than me.  I thought we were always quite close, until one day she decided we weren't. They are both in FL now, so many miles separate us, too.  I love her, but have only spoken to her twice in ten years.  So, no close ties with them at all, and hasn't been for over a decade.  Families are a tough bunch, for certain.  I agree with others here, after the parents are gone, the stuffing leaves the pillow.


@Right Now I have a younger sister and we are 'convenient siblings'


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## grahamg (Feb 21, 2021)

HoneyNut said:


> This thread motivated me to send a text to my brother.  That is basically our connection, texting each other a couple times a year.  He replied with a nice long response and offer to visit in the summer (assuming vaccinated by then I think, he is still waiting to be eligible and so am I).  He also said he enjoyed my holiday letter.  So now I'm regretting having hand written it because I have no idea what I said and don't want to be one of those people who keep repeating the same news in each letter, but there is so little going on this year, ugh hard to think of anything interesting to say.


No need to stress too much about repeating yourself, because if your brother is like me he'll have forgotten much of the content of your handwritten letter by now, and simply remember how pleasant it is to receive something handwritten!


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## funsearcher! (Feb 21, 2021)

This thread has helped me to see that many siblings are estranged, and I need to appreciate the relationships I have.


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## Lakeland living (Feb 21, 2021)

Nothing to do with siblings anymore which I find incredibly peaceful....


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## katlupe (Mar 10, 2021)

My brother and I were always pretty close. He is 2 and a half years older than me but everyone always thinks I am older than him. He lives about 20 miles from me. I talk to him on the phone or on fakebook. He still works so I don't see him as much as I would like. I haven't wanted to go see anyone really right now (due to my dental issues and needing different dentures) but as soon as I get that taken care of I expect Sonny and I will be over there to see him and his wife. He can be difficult (with others), but I have always been able to handle him.  

But no matter what he does, I promised myself a long time ago, I would never let anything come between us. I saw it happen in my mother's family and it was not good. Now my brother's kids are estranged from him and me and it is like they don't even exist. Sad to say, but it made our lives much easier and peaceful.


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## SetWave (Mar 10, 2021)

My younger sister was a spoiled rotten brat and I haven't spoken to her in over 20 years.
My older sister is fantastic. I love her dearly.


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## Serenity4321 (Mar 10, 2021)

I feel very blessed that my sister and brother and I all still get along. We are all over the country..sister, 5 years older, is in Cal, brother 9 years older is in Ohio, and I am in Florida. We stay in touch via zoom or phone or text or e-mail. I dread the day I will lose one of them..or perhaps they will lose me first...I am sure there are good reasons siblings stay apart but I think that rather sad.


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## peramangkelder (Mar 10, 2021)

So glad I am not alone with my immediate family members estranged from me


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## Chet (Mar 10, 2021)

It's helpful to see that you are not alone when it comes to sibling issues. I only have a brother and we got along well until about 5 years ago. I have seen a personality change in him that I know in part is from too much booze within those 5 years, and I fear drugs too. I think it might be that he is unhappy with the way his life turned out. I don't care to discuss details and sound whiny. I tend to just suck it up. It's unfortunate that at this point in our lives it has come down to this.


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## mrstime (Mar 11, 2021)

I was raised by my grandparents, was never taught to call aunts and uncles that. The one who was closest  was their youngest 10 years between us. So they were all more like brothers and sisters. They are all dead now, I have 3 cousins left, 2 older than I. I am emotionally close to one of the older ones and wish the youngest was close to all of us.  We all live far apart.


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