# Roommates



## Ina (Nov 1, 2015)

I have been living alone since my husband died last December, and I have no family interested in my daily life.  I have been thinking of getting a roommate, but I have heard some pretty horrible stories concerning this issue. 

I have no other way of getting advice on this, or for that matter, on any issue.  In the past, I have received a lot of good advice from this forum, so here I come again, asking for your opinions.


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## Shalimar (Nov 1, 2015)

Ina, I have heard both positive and negative things about having a roommate. No guarantees for sure. However, I know of two
friends now widowed who have found sharing their homes to be very beneficial. In my own family, my mother happily shared her home  for decades.


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## Lon (Nov 1, 2015)

Ina, we live alone under different circumstances   but in my case I would not want a room mate under any circumstances. What would be your main reason for considering it?


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## Butterfly (Nov 1, 2015)

I live alone, too (well, except for my sweet pitbull Bonnie).  I don't think I'd be comfortable living with someone, especially someone I didn't know really, really well.  I do know of people who have tried the roommate thing and have had a terrible time getting rid of the person when it didn't work out.  For me, I'd rather just live alone than have to learn to deal with someone else's idiosyncrasies.  But then, that's just me.


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## applecruncher (Nov 1, 2015)

I think first you need to determine why you want a roommate.

Companionship? Someone to go places with (dinner, events, etc.)?
Or someone to share costs but be independent/on their own?

Know who you are opening your home to.
Pay close attention to post #21 in this thread:

https://www.seniorforums.com/showth...be-a-landlord/page2?highlight=Pacific+Heights

Decide on the financial arrangement and PUT IT IN WRITING!
Do you have homeowner's insurance?
Rent, security, utilities (including cable, internet)?
Food – each buy their own or share?
Kitchen privileges – any rules regarding use of appliances/dishes, etc.?
Laundry – is use of washer/dryer included?
What about cleaning responsibilities?
Any rules/preferences regarding music/TV, visitors, mail, newspaper, phone calls….anything else? There should be no surprises later.

Again:
Know who you are renting to.
Put everything in writing.


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## Ina (Nov 1, 2015)

Thank you Shalimar, Butterfly, and AC.  Shalmar do you know what criteria your mother worked from?  I have no idea what to look for in a roommate.  I know getting along is only part of it.  I own my own home, and my finances are shuficient, but the loneliness is a big problem.  I only get out about once a week, mainly because I find it uncomfortable doing everything alone.  There's no one to go anywhere with, and when I go places alone, everything seems a bit of a waste of time for me. It's dull.


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## Shalimar (Nov 1, 2015)

Ina, I don't know all the ins and outs of what my mother's criteria were, and she is gone now. However, I know that they were 
both professional women with similar social, political and Christian views, although my aunt was fundamentalist and mother 

wasn't. They loved animals and gardens. In some ways they were very different, the roommate was English, mother Canadian, 

one more outgoing than the other. They seemed to compliment each other. They shared household expenses, although the house was my mother's. They divided chores between them. Mutually independent, they lived like a family. Little changed after 

they retired. I don't know if this is at all helpful. Originally, they met by chance at a function.


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## RadishRose (Nov 1, 2015)

Ina, it sounds like you're interested in having a roomate mostly because you feel so lonely. I don't think getting a roomie in that case will be easy.

Most people looking for a roommate situation do it for financial reasons and if good friendship happens, so much the better, but that's not the usual.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do!

I


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## applecruncher (Nov 1, 2015)

Ina, how about checking online for clubs, organizations, senior groups in your area where you can interact with others who have the same interests and make friends? How about doing volunteer work (hospitals, libraries, food pantries, etc.) This would be better than actually allowing someone to move into your home.

Taking in a roomer/tenant is a business arrangement.


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## imp (Nov 1, 2015)

*Consider Carefully*

Ina, I am not an advice-giver, generally. However, your plight strikes home for me, as my wife & I discuss the very possibility you face. Be very careful what information you reveal to any potential room-mate, about yourself. In my opinion, if one could find a candidate who was in the same boat as yourself, or possibly someone seeking a somewhat closer existence together than "room-mates", that person would be a possible candidate. Just sayin', be very cautious.    imp


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## Linda (Nov 1, 2015)

Ina, I think I would be a lot like you are if I lived alone.  I've never enjoyed doing things outside the home by myself.   I do like my space at home though.  I know it can be very hard to get rid of someone if it doesn't work out.  I would be concerned about getting a roommate then their kids or boyfriends or other friends coming over, I would hate that! I know there are some that work out but it's going to be hard to predict ahead of time.  Let us know how it works out for you.


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## SeaBreeze (Nov 1, 2015)

I agree with Linda, I thought about that too, if the person has a boyfriend that's always over and spending the nights, or a controlling ex-husband, might have some baggage that you're suddenly stuck having to deal with.  I'd have a hard time trusting someone to live in my home with me, I think if my husband ever passed on, I'd prefer just doing things with a friend outside of my home, and keeping my privacy and security.

  There are, as mentioned before, senior centers and activities, where you might just click with someone and spend a lot of time with them, without having them live with you.  Of course, it's a personal decision for you Ina, but please be very careful not to give out too much information about yourself at first, and if possible, run some kind of a background check on any potential roomies.

  Can't be too careful these days, I've heard a lot of bad stories of folks getting "taken" by a roommate that seemed nice at first, then just used them or tried to steal money from them, etc.  I'd have to sleep with one eye open for a long time I think, before I felt comfortable with a roommate.  If it was someone I was friends with for many years, and knew how she was and the people involved in her life, then it may be a different story...a more trusted person to live with.


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## Laurie (Nov 2, 2015)

Most importantly it must not be stranger.

Perhaps a friend who is in a similar position.

If you don't have one then make some, through social activity.  Then, once you get to know them better start firming up your plan.

Either way, it  must be carefully considered, not a spur of the moment decision.  

Try to put up with your present circumstances for at least six months.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Nov 2, 2015)

If you belong to a church, maybe ask your pastor? Or if your area isn't too rural...that is, too far away from a town of moderate size at least...check out the "Meet Up" groups online and go to a couple that might interest you. Maybe there's a widow's group or a group of widows/widowers who get together just for the social aspect. If you meet people who seem to be of like mind, get to know them FIRST before mentioning anything about the possibility of a roommate. I'd also vet anybody by checking them out online. References? Anybody giving personal references is only going to give names of people who are going to vouch for them, of course, so while I wouldn't discount references, I'd check those people out, too.


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## Ken N Tx (Nov 2, 2015)

applecruncher said:


> Ina, how about checking online for clubs, organizations, senior groups in your area where you can interact with others who have the same interests and make friends? How about doing volunteer work (hospitals, libraries, food pantries, etc.) This would be better than actually allowing someone to move into your home.
> 
> Taking in a roomer/tenant is a business arrangement.





SeaBreeze said:


> I agree with Linda, I thought about that too, if the person has a boyfriend that's always over and spending the nights, or a controlling ex-husband, might have some baggage that you're suddenly stuck having to deal with.  I'd have a hard time trusting someone to live in my home with me, I think if my husband ever passed on, I'd prefer just doing things with a friend outside of my home, and keeping my privacy and security.
> 
> There are, as mentioned before, senior centers and activities, where you might just click with someone and spend a lot of time with them, without having them live with you.  Of course, it's a personal decision for you Ina, but please be very careful not to give out too much information about yourself at first, and if possible, run some kind of a background check on any potential roomies.
> 
> Can't be too careful these days, I've heard a lot of bad stories of folks getting "taken" by a roommate that seemed nice at first, then just used them or tried to steal money from them, etc.  I'd have to sleep with one eye open for a long time I think, before I felt comfortable with a roommate.  If it was someone I was friends with for many years, and knew how she was and the people involved in her life, then it may be a different story...a more trusted person to live with.





Laurie said:


> Most importantly it must not be stranger.
> 
> Perhaps a friend who is in a similar position.
> 
> ...



...to all above..
.
..on roommate...


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## Sunny (Nov 2, 2015)

The above advice is all good. I have been alone for 5 1/2 years now, after 54 years of marriage. It does take some adjustments, but I find that I enjoy my privacy, and being alone in the house doesn't bother me at all. I do have plenty of people in my life from friendships and activities.

Have you considered moving to a retirement community? A good one has tons of people and activities, and all sorts of support groups, without having to move someone into your home. And if you do decide to do it, follow Laurie's advice in the note above. Don't advertise for, or take in, a stranger!


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## Ina (Nov 2, 2015)

Thank you all for the sound advice.  My life has always been wound up in taking care of those in my family, now they are all gone, and I find myself rudderless.  

I think I'll take all of ya'll's advice, and just give it more time.  I have only been by myself for 10 months, and you are probably right, more time and thought needs to go into such a decision.  

Maybe there is a reason for me to live alone, and I just don't see it yet. Maybe I'm meant to bug you guys for a bit. :hide:


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## applecruncher (Nov 2, 2015)

No bother at all, Ina.  I do hope you'll look into getting out and maybe volunteering (I think you'd be good at that) or joining a group.  Meeting a couple friends with similar interests to pal around with would be so much better than getting into a roommate situation.


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## AprilT (Nov 2, 2015)

Ina, I've nothing really better to add, you received some really great info, some I myself would heed, if ever I get tempted again in the future to room with someone I barely know.  I've had roommate situations, most all worked out quite well, but, as in the advice, they were people I knew pretty well before hand in the one or two instances where that wasn't the case, I know for sure in those instances I got lucky, as I've heard some not so great stories in such instances of taking on roommates of unfamiliar persons.  I would go with the advice that has been passed on to you from the members here it is very sound advice.


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## Davey Jones (Nov 2, 2015)

My room mates would be 2 fully grown cats, humans have an attitude cats don't.


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## Butterfly (Nov 2, 2015)

Ina, it sounds like you are actually more looking for a friend than for a roommate.  Finding a roommate doesn't mean you'll necessarily find a friend.   Maybe you need to get out a bit and find some like minded souls to pal around with -- senior centers, church, volunteering are all great ways to find friends -- and you get to keep your private space private.


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## Laurie (Nov 3, 2015)

Just remember, as I've said before, there are no such things as strangers, just friends who you have not yet met.


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## Ameriscot (Nov 3, 2015)

Ina, hope you discover what is best for you.  And you can go ahead and 'bug' us any time!  

Personally, I would not want any roommates.  If I'm widowed I will live alone.


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## IKE (Nov 3, 2015)

I would never consider a roommate because I like my privacy too much and I don't care to have my daily routine disrupted.

To me if would be like having company stay over for a couple days......you know how you're happy to see them when they arrive but you're always REAL happy when they leave, with a roomy your stuck with them.


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## Ken N Tx (Nov 3, 2015)

IKE said:


> I would never consider a roommate because I like my privacy too much and I don't care to have my daily routine disrupted.
> 
> To me if would be like having company stay over for a couple days......you know how you're happy to see them when they arrive but you're always REAL happy when they leave, with a roomy your stuck with them.



We meet up with friends at local restaurants for coffee and settle the world's problems..We also travel around to small town places and meet up..

McD's also is a good place to meet new friends between 8 and 10..

.


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## AprilT (Nov 3, 2015)

Temperament is everything, not all people are suited for such situations, but, some are, it's an individual thing, one must know what one is comfortable with, though it's often a learning curve for some when it comes to such situations.  

Ken great pics, looks like you have a great group of friends.


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## Butterfly (Nov 3, 2015)

IKE said:


> I would never consider a roommate because I like my privacy too much and I don't care to have my daily routine disrupted.
> 
> To me if would be like having company stay over for a couple days......you know how you're happy to see them when they arrive but you're always REAL happy when they leave, with a roomy your stuck with them.



Agreed!


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## jujube (Nov 4, 2015)

The last roommate I had was in college and that was such a disaster I'd never consider it again - ha!   I could share a home with one of my sisters, but I don't think I could with a stranger.


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## Happyflowerlady (Nov 4, 2015)

Butterfly said:


> Ina, it sounds like you are actually more looking for a friend than for a roommate.  Finding a roommate doesn't mean you'll necessarily find a friend.   Maybe you need to get out a bit and find some like minded souls to pal around with -- senior centers, church, volunteering are all great ways to find friends -- and you get to keep your private space private.



I totally agree with this, and think that if you had a good friend to do things with when you wanted to, then you would be fine. I remember you saying that when you were a little girl, your dream was to be an old-maid librarian, who had all the time in the world to read books and learn new things. 
Now, you have your own place, and all the time you want to be alone and study.

But, even so, we all need a friend (even just a casual one) to spend time with and go places together. 
I was an only child, and learned to spend a lot of time alone, entertain myself, and enjoy my own company. Even in school, I only had (or wanted) 1-2 friends that I did things together with. 

Before I met my husband, I was living alone in a little trailer out in the country in Idaho. My daily company was my dogs. I had a friend that I spent time with . 
She and I went to church together, in the summer we went kayaking, or other things we both enjoyed. Sometimes, we went out for a burger or just a cup of coffee together. 
Pat lived alone, and so did I, and we both liked that; but very much enjoyed the time we spent together as well. 

I really liked living alone. My time was my own. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted, did not bother anyone if I wanted to stay up late and play the organ and sing at the top of my lungs, even if it was midnight.  
I walked with my dogs every day, and rode my horse when I wanted to. It was maybe the best time of my whole life. 

However, some people are not happy just being alone, and you might be one of them, Ina. At least with a roommate, you are in control of the situation, and what the rules will be , and if it does not work out; then they have to leave. I think that the idea of volunteering somewhere that you can help people is a good one. There are a lot of seniors who are housebound, and would love to have a visitor come by and see them for a while once or twice a week. I think that you and Izzy would be perfect for that kind of thing.


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## Cookie (Nov 4, 2015)

I lived in mixed communal situations when I was young where everyone had their own room and we shared kitchen and cooking.  This lasted for a while and eventually people went their separate ways.  But there were housekeeping problems, I was amazed how some people did not know how to sweep a floor or take out the garbage. It was a good way to live in a decent place and pay low rent. I think there are also older seniors living in this kind of communal arrangement which gives people social interaction and yet privacy when they want it.


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## paxtonstafford (Nov 8, 2018)

it is a crap shoot. but to get head start it should be someone you know and like/love and respect and know well...then it is very workable. no surpirses that way.


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## MeAgain (Dec 2, 2018)

OOOOOOOOps I really need to check dates of threads here,LOL


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## jujube (Dec 2, 2018)

MeAgain said:


> OOOOOOOOps I really need to check dates of threads here,LOL



A lot of older posts are worth being revived!


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## C'est Moi (Dec 2, 2018)

This makes me sad because of Ina.


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## paxtonstafford (Dec 3, 2018)

that is not my advice ...just stuff I stole from others and it was then and continues to be timeless!!! so old post or not..!!


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## SeaBreeze (Dec 3, 2018)

C'est Moi said:


> This makes me sad because of Ina.



It's coming up on a year since she passed on, rest peacefully dear Ina, we still think of you and miss you very much. :rose:


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## Linda (Dec 6, 2018)

I would never want to take in a roommate but I might do it rather than have to live with one of my kids.  I wouldn't want to inflict myself upon them and their mates.


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## RadishRose (Dec 6, 2018)

You can be my room mate, Linda!


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## Marie5656 (Dec 6, 2018)

*I took in two roommates (separately) when I first moved into my home. To help me with expenses. Both were less than pleasant experiences. The first lady was, well, odd. rarely left her room, even brought her food in there to eat. She often gave me less than our agreed upon (in writing) rent. We worked at the same place, and often she spread hateful and untrue rumors about me. It is not like we were kids. I was in my early 40s, she was a few years older.  I kicked her out.
The second lady was not so bad, but our personalities clashed.  Not in a bad way, but enough that we simply did not get along.  She moved out on her own.  

I am sure I would never do it again, say if something happened to my husband, but I would find better ways to vet the people.
*


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## paxtonstafford (Dec 9, 2018)

know really well...and trust-t -It is a crap shoot. but to get head start it should be someone you know and like/love and respect and know well...then it is very workable. no surpirses that way.


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## fuzzybuddy (Dec 10, 2018)

I hate to mention the obvious- roommates get older.  One minor stroke can be devastating. One becomes the care taker of the other. What if one feels able to care for himself, but can't? I thought it would be nice to have a roomie. Ya know- somebody besides a cat.  But before I could do anything. I found myself on the floor after a blackout.  It took a minute to go from  getting a possible roomie to being in  a home.


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## Olivia (Dec 11, 2018)

How does one become responsible to become a caretaker for a tenant in your house? Is that for real legally?


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## Sundown (Feb 1, 2019)

I've been searching for years for someone to share a place with. I had the perfect roommate, and we shared apartments on and off for years. Never a problem. Got along great, bills got paid and place stayed clean. We were discussing upgrading to a modest residential home instead of continuing apartment rentals, when out of the blue he suddenly died from a heart attack. In his 40s no less. 

That turned my whole world upside down, and I've been drifting ever since. Living out of a suitcase, traveling without a personal vehicle, and unable to decide where in the country I'd be happy living long term. Also unable to find a place I fit in, that is within my sorely limited budget. Or an honest reliable compatible housemate to split the costs. 

Unfortunately my journey eventually carried me to a tiny rural western town, with no public transportation, no good work opportunities, and no social activities of interest to me. And no friends to do anything with. Currently trying to get back to southeastern US, but have no family or friends to help with a safe stable place to land. I'd probably stay out west, but all my belongings are in storage back east, and I need to get that hefty bill off my back, as well as lighten my load.

Since I'm no longer working, I've posted many ads offering to help out part time with a small business, or on a farm, in exchange for a break in bills. But I have no experience with farming or livestock, and haven't had any good offers yet. All I know is I like working outdoors, I need the exercise, and something to keep me active, because I'm stagnating and withering away here. I'm male in my 50s, still physically able, but I can no longer perform strenuous labor, due to my age and past job related injuries.

The winter weather will certainly be an impediment, but maybe in spring I'll be able to relocate, as things warm up and more housing and outdoor work possibilities become available.


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## Annie Mack (Feb 14, 2019)

Ina, I found this site for the very reason you are asking about roommate/s.  I am split right down the middle.  Have lived alone and never been lonely until recently, and I always enjoyed my privacy and way of life.  In the last year, I have dreamed of a Golden Girl situation.

  Of course, I see a a place where there is enough space to still have privacy, but when the mood strikes the common area is where roomies gather and share a meal or play a game or watch a movie.  Then I think of what I could not tolerate:  another person trying to change my thinking or control the whole house, or having  too much company/family that comes too much and perhaps stays overnight too much. 

 For me, although the suggestions were good, I am not one who needs a big social schedule with senior groups, etc.  My brain works fine, but my body is wearing out...old friends don't invite me places anymore because I can't move as fast.  I am just lonely for a good friend, one I can trust that is asleep down the hallway and would take time out to sit with me and talk and vice versa.

  I grew up in big D, but live elsewhere now.  I was transferred to Houston by my company in the late 80's...my make up was melted off by 10 am...ha!  This last relocation came at the same time as knee replacement and it prevented me from socializing here,, so I dream of leaving and finding a safe roommate.  But, I do agree that it could turn out really bad and I am too old to move but one more time. 

 I liked the reply that listed what to do if you do decide to get a roommate.  Check them out and be extremely careful.  Bravo to all those who love being alone, but it's just ok to want to hear another person's voice in the house, to go place together, etc.  It's not needy, it's natural.  Good luck.  If I could wave a magic wand, I'd be visiting my GG buddies right now.


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## Butterfly (Feb 14, 2019)

Annie Mack said:


> Ina, I found this site for the very reason you are asking about roommate/s.  I am split right down the middle.  Have lived alone and never been lonely until recently, and I always enjoyed my privacy and way of life.  In the last year, I have dreamed of a Golden Girl situation.
> 
> Of course, I see a a place where there is enough space to still have privacy, but when the mood strikes the common area is where roomies gather and share a meal or play a game or watch a movie.  Then I think of what I could not tolerate:  another person trying to change my thinking or control the whole house, or having  too much company/family that comes too much and perhaps stays overnight too much.
> 
> ...



Annie, I thought you'd like to know that Ina passed some time ago.


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## Annie Mack (Feb 15, 2019)

Butterfly said:


> Annie, I thought you'd like to know that Ina passed some time ago.



Butterfly, Thank you for sharing that Ina has moved on from Earth 101.  It fits I would respond for the first time to someone who doesn't need the computer anymore to communicate.  I am so electronically challenged that I shy away from participation.  Haven't even filled out my info.  I am 65, live alone and admit  to a kind of loneliness I never considered in my younger years.  Far too independent when younger and physically fit, so living alone was never an issue for me.  Now, I see and feel things that makes being alone uncomfortable and unnatural, at times.  But, it could be that I don't even have the random visits from children, grandchildren, friends, as I have outlived my entire immediate family (which included children, thus no grandchildren, nieces, nephews, etc.).  Add learning, after illness, what the true definition of "fair-weathered friends "is and relocating have all left me REALLY ALONE.  So, I probably romanticize having a roommate more than I should.  I am going to try and learn how to navigate this forum so I won't feel so isolated.  Thanks again for telling me about Ina.  I like thinking she is happy and with her husband and other family and friends.


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## RadishRose (Feb 15, 2019)

Hi Annie. Go to Introductions and post about yourself there. We are happy to have you here and hope you will enjoy yourself!


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## Catlady (Apr 7, 2019)

The only ''roommate'' I ever had was my daughter while growing up until she left at 20-21, that's 35 years ago.  I was and am still happy to be alone with privacy, would never want to have a roommate, not even a boyfriend/husband at my stage in life.  

My daughter found her one and only roommate from an ad, a complete stranger.  Cynthia was perfect.  She was pretty, friendly, pleasant, neat, and paid her bills on time.  My daughter would sometimes use Cynthia's TV dinners but would leave a note and replaced it soon.  They were almost perfect roommates.  The only 'problem' is that my daughter wanted a buddy to socialize and go out with.  Cynthia worked part time and went to college and on weekends spent it with her boyfriend at his ranch.  Then after about a year my daughter let her boyfriend move in with them.  Cynthia, rightfully, complained that it was not what she signed up for and that she still had to pay 50% of the bills.  So, my daughter moved out with the boyfriend and Cynthia also moved out, she couldn't afford the place by herself and didn't want to find another roommate.  My daughter later on (her boyfriend was a loser and they soon split up) regretted her decision and said she didn't know back then how lucky she was to have found Cynthia.


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## fuzzybuddy (Apr 19, 2019)

I thought about getting a room mate, but not someone my age. I'm home bond. I need someone to mow the lawn, shovel the deck in winter, etc. I was thinking of a college student. I'd provide a home in exchange for some work around the place, maybe a ride to the docs, etc. He'd provide his own meals. Anybody think this is a good idea?


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## lamarpismo (Jun 11, 2019)

its a crap shoot, but try to have an intimate enough trustworthy relationship friendship first...i realize that is nearly impossible ...but it has and can be done....still a crap shoot.


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## applecruncher (Jun 11, 2019)

fuzzybuddy said:


> I thought about getting a room mate, but not someone my age. I'm home bond. I need someone to mow the lawn, shovel the deck in winter, etc. I was thinking of a college student. I'd provide a home in exchange for some work around the place, maybe a ride to the docs, etc. He'd provide his own meals. Anybody think this is a good idea?



I think it's a good idea.  Try to get references, and remember to have a written agreement and understanding of house rules (especially regarding guests and parties).


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## AZ Jim (Jun 11, 2019)

The OP (Ina) passed away some time ago.


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## bearcat (Mar 19, 2020)

Ina said:


> I have been living alone since my husband died last December, and I have no family interested in my daily life.  I have been thinking of getting a roommate, but I have heard some pretty horrible stories concerning this issue.
> 
> I have no other way of getting advice on this, or for that matter, on any issue.  In the past, I have received a lot of good advice from this forum, so here I come again, asking for your opinions.



If your library doesn't have a copies of these books, go to the desk and request it via the "interlibrary loan system".

https://store.nolo.com/products/living-together-ltk.html

https://play.google.com/store/books...MvMIAsO-ufYxt-n6wVkaAsj-EALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds


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## toffee (Mar 19, 2020)

I would say No to it -reason being who can you trust now a days ?
even if you got a person roughly same age -they could be out to con you ..if you are feeling lonely -maybe a pet 
or tiny dog for company '' be careful 'there is nothing wrong in having your own space ' join a group if your can 

get out and about , but I would re-think on your thoughts .. I like my privacy in my own home !!!!!


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## hollydolly (Mar 19, 2020)

bearcat said:


> If your library doesn't have a copies of these books, go to the desk and request it via the "interlibrary loan system".
> 
> https://store.nolo.com/products/living-together-ltk.html
> 
> https://play.google.com/store/books...MvMIAsO-ufYxt-n6wVkaAsj-EALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds


* Welcome to the forum, but this thread is many years old, and the OP of this forum, Ina, passed away a few years ago.... *


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## bearcat (Mar 19, 2020)

hollydolly said:


> * Welcome to the forum, but this thread is many years old, and the OP of this forum, Ina, passed away a few years ago.... *



Thank you.  Whether or not Ina can benefit now, the topic will continue to be an issue new
members confront, making the thread potentially useful.


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## bearcat (Mar 19, 2020)

toffee said:


> I would say No to it -reason being who can you trust now a days ?
> even if you got a person roughly same age -they could be out to con you ..if you are feeling lonely -maybe a pet
> or tiny dog for company '' be careful 'there is nothing wrong in having your own space ' join a group if your can
> 
> get out and about , but I would re-think on your thoughts .. I like my privacy in my own home !!!!!



I understand your point, but would offer the observation that we "trust" all the time, without realizing it.
You get on the road, and trust complete strangers to stop at the traffic light instead of ramming into you.
You buy food, you trust the people who packaged it to have handled it safely.
You get a prescription, and you trust everyone in the supply chain to have produced it correctly, the clerk to fill it with the right drug.
You turn the light switch, you trust the people at the power plant to be doing their job.
You turn to the news, you trust that it is mostly accurate.

Of course toffee, you're going to say that you mean "don't bring a stranger into your home".
The irony is, the people we think we know best carry the greatest potential for harm.

For example......an employer rejects an applicant that happens to have a criminal record.
What the employer doesn't realize is that statistically speaking, among their current long-term employees are going
to be criminals who simply haven't been caught yet.
Embezzlers, spouse beaters, rapists.....that loyal warehouse guy with a side job on the weekends breaking into homes to steal stuff.

Can be enlightening to do an online background check on anyone.


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## Marlene (Mar 19, 2020)

I live alone and am quite lonely most of the time as I moved back to my hometown after retiring and divorcing and being out of state for 30 plus years.  I have acquaintances that I can exchange a hello to if I'm out and about, but they all have partners or long standing friendships and have no need or desire for another person in their lives.  Friendship takes time and effort.  I need it; they don't - simple as that.  So, this whole Coronavirus situation hasn't really changed my life much at all with the exception that I can no longer just go out and go to the local coffee shop or walk around among people so I won't feel so alone.  

All of that background is simply to preface this:  I have had numerous people suggest roommates, and I vehemently disagree with that plan as I don't think it solves the real issue of loneliness and only adds to all of the problems listed above.  I am financially secure so have no need to share expenses.  While I might be lonely, at least I have peace and a feeling of security and can do exactly as I please when I please.  I have no need or desire to cater to another person's whims or deal with their messes whether it be differences in cleanliness or their emotional baggage.  I do not want strangers in my home - and you never have just a roommate; you always have a roommate with friends and relatives.  I still hold out hope that by doing the things I love, I will eventually stumble across at least one more human being who shares at least some of my interests and has room in their life for a new friend.


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## bearcat (Mar 19, 2020)

Marlene said:


> I live alone and am quite lonely most of the time as I moved back to my hometown after retiring and divorcing and being out of state for 30 plus years.  I have acquaintances that I can exchange a hello to if I'm out and about, but they all have partners or long standing friendships and have no need or desire for another person in their lives.  Friendship takes time and effort.  I need it; they don't - simple as that.  So, this whole Coronavirus situation hasn't really changed my life much at all with the exception that I can no longer just go out and go to the local coffee shop or walk around among people so I won't feel so alone.
> 
> All of that background is simply to preface this:  I have had numerous people suggest roommates, and I vehemently disagree with that plan as I don't think it solves the real issue of loneliness and only adds to all of the problems listed above.  I am financially secure so have no need to share expenses.  While I might be lonely, at least I have peace and a feeling of security and can do exactly as I please when I please.  I have no need or desire to cater to another person's whims or deal with their messes whether it be differences in cleanliness or their emotional baggage.  I do not want strangers in my home - and you never have just a roommate; you always have a roommate with friends and relatives.  I still hold out hope that by doing the things I love, I will eventually stumble across at least one more human being who shares at least some of my interests and has room in their life for a new friend.



In this era, there may be a call out for volunteers to do online "telecommute" style /  conference style
teaching and tutoring.  Webcam, skype, and you're in business.

https://www.learntobe.org/apply

just one example, I don't necessarily endorse any specific method or site.


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## Marlene (Mar 19, 2020)

bearcat said:


> In this era, there may be a call out for volunteers to do online "telecommute" style /  conference style
> teaching and tutoring.  Webcam, skype, and you're in business.
> 
> https://www.learntobe.org/apply
> ...


This is a great and worthwhile suggestion but addresses a whole different problem than I have.  I don't suffer from nothing to do as I'm quite busy all the time; I'm just very lonely.  I already do volunteer teaching, and it satisfies a need to be useful but not to make friends.  Once the classes are over, I never see or hear from the students again unlike when I was teaching at in the past.

I still have students from as far back as 1998 that keep in contact with me.  That was completely different as I was invested in their success over a period four to five years and got to know them as well as their families.  These one-off classes are quite different. . .satisfying in the sense that I have something worthwhile to offer, but not in terms of forming friendships.


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## MarciKS (Jun 1, 2020)

*I don't think I could ever take on a roommate. I don't think I could trust someone enough for that.*


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## Aunt Bea (Jun 2, 2020)

IMO roommates are for the young.

At this point, all I need or want is my own safe quiet drama-free little space where I can shut the door and enjoy a peaceful life.

_"I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity."_ - Albert Einstein


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## hellomimi (Jun 2, 2020)

bearcat said:


> In this era, there may be a call out for volunteers to do online "telecommute" style /  conference style
> teaching and tutoring.  Webcam, skype, and you're in business.
> 
> https://www.learntobe.org/apply
> ...


I'm involved with an organization that coaches and serves as interpreters for people who are taking their US citizenship interview. At this time, I  do it via Zoom. They need lots of volunteers that speak different languages. Anyone interested can check Volunteers.org.


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