# Got a Case of the Lonelies, Anyone Else?



## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

Ok, even though I prefer right now to live alone with my little pets I get occasions where I feel lonely for some companionship, conversation, interacting.  I want to talk to someone.  Anyone else here feel that way now?


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## palides2021 (Jul 27, 2022)

It comes and goes with me. Sometimes, I get caught up in what I'm doing and don't think about it. Whenever I feel lonely, I get on the phone and call family or go out to the mall.


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## MarkinPhx (Jul 27, 2022)

I do every now and then. I am also content to live alone for now but there are times I feel like you. If I do and no one is free to interact with I usually go out and do something like eat lunch at my favorite place or go get a coffee somewhere and just chill out there.


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## Blessed (Jul 27, 2022)

I have it sometimes when I am up all night.  At that time, no one to call or any place to go.  That can make for a long night.  Right now I am getting ready to run to the store for a couple of things.  Strange but I don't want to, it is a have to.  I come here a lot when I want a connection, it really helps.


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## PamfromTx (Jul 27, 2022)

@Ruthanne 

When I'm feeling lonely and/or missing family... I would go out shopping and eat out at my favorite deli.  

Hubby was working 12 hour shifts and we'd hardly have time to do anything together.

Since the pandemic I became too afraid to do all that fun stuff, the freedom to go out and just enjoy life.  Now, I go in to a store and rush out.  It isn't the same.

I also like to watch Netflix.  There is always something to watch. 

Hope you find something to keep you busy and content.   Hugs!


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## Blessed (Jul 27, 2022)

Just a thought, you could always have an email conversation with those here you know!


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## Hawk (Jul 27, 2022)

I am homebound and so that goes with the territory....I just
boob tube my way thru it ........


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## Alligatorob (Jul 27, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Anyone else here feel that way now?


Hey Ruth Anne, I think we all do from time to time.

Reading and posting here can help, you are doing that!  I know its not the same as talking with people face to face, but its not bad.


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## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

Alligatorob said:


> Hey Ruth Anne, I think we all do from time to time.
> 
> Reading and posting here can help, you are doing that!  I know its not the same as talking with people face to face, but its not bad.


Thanks, it's the next best thing I figure.


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## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

PamfromTx said:


> When I'm feeling lonely and/or missing family... I use to go out shopping and would go eat out.  Hubby was working 12 hour shifts and we'd hardly had time to do anything together.
> 
> Since the pandemic I became too afraid to do all the fun stuff, i.e. the freedom to go out and just enjoy life.  Now, I go in to a store and rush out.  It isn't the same.
> 
> ...


I watch Netflix a lot lately.  Going to turn it on tonight.


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## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

Hawk said:


> I am homebound and so that goes with the territory....I just
> boob tube my way thru it ........


I watch TV a lot too.  It gets my mind off myself.


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## Marie5656 (Jul 27, 2022)

*Yes, happens to me, too.  Gets worse if I go down to community room and no one is down there to visit with*


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## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

Blessed said:


> Just a thought, you could always have an email conversation with those here you know!


The only ones who know my email are mostly family and they are usually to busy to be bothered.


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## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

Marie5656 said:


> *Yes, happens to me, too.  Gets worse if I go down to community room and no one is down there to visit with*


I know what you mean.


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## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

Here's a nice song for you all.  I love his voice!


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## ohioboy (Jul 27, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> The only ones who know my email are mostly family and they are usually to busy to be bothered.


Isn't your e-mail: needaman@hottotrotmail.com!


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## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

ohioboy said:


> Isn't your e-mail: needaman@hottotrotmail.com!


 Lol, no!  Not quite,


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## PamfromTx (Jul 27, 2022)

I have alot of family ... all over Texas and no one calls me.  I have to do the calling.  It is hurtful but I just try not to think about it.  The only one I can rely on when lonely is my sister Lucy.  But even then... she's still employed and always sounds tired; so, I try not to call too often.  I know how you feel, @Ruthanne .

I miss the friends that we made during our working days; when we stopped working ~ the friends we had made forgot about us.  It was fun while it lasted.  We'd always have some event to go to.

If I lived near you, I'd surely visit you.

By the way, I have one nephew and his family who live in a neighboring city (McAllen) whom I have not heard from during the worst of times, i.e. cancer, kidney failure, etc.  Not one phone call.


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## PamfromTx (Jul 27, 2022)

my email:               marriedbutcomplicated@aol.com



I'm kidding with the email.  Couldn't resist.


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## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

PamfromTx said:


> I have alot of family ... all over Texas and no one calls me.  I have to do the calling.  It is hurtful but I just try not to think about it.  The only one I can rely on when lonely is my sister Lucy.  But even then... she still works and always sounds tired; so, I try not to call too often.  I know how you feel, @Ruthanne .
> 
> I miss the friends that we made during our working days; but when we stopped working ~ the friends we had made forgot about us.  It was fun while it lasted.  We'd always have some event to go to.
> 
> ...


Thank you, we can visit here!  .


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## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

Blessed said:


> Just a thought, you could always have an email conversation with those here you know!


Or a pm message conversation.


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## Bella (Jul 27, 2022)

ohioboy said:


> Isn't your e-mail: needaman@hottotrotmail.com!


@ohioboy  How'd you get my email!


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## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

Would anyone like some pie?  We can have a little get together......


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## Bella (Jul 27, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> *Would anyone like some pie?  We can have a little get together......*


Yes, please!


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## officerripley (Jul 27, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Ok, even though I prefer right now to live alone with my little pets I get occasions where I feel lonely for some companionship, conversation, interacting.  I want to talk to someone.  Anyone else here feel that way now?


Yeah, I'm lonely a lot and don't drive much at all anymore. Huzz is here sometimes gone sometimes, sometimes I'd like some female companionship but being out here in the boonies makes it hard. Luckily I've got him and our little dog and, last but not least this place!


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## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

Bella said:


> Yes, please!


Here's a slice of each for you.  Don't worry about the calories because it's virtual


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## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

officerripley said:


> Yeah, I'm lonely a lot and don't drive much at all anymore. Huzz is here sometimes gone sometimes, sometimes I'd like some female companionship but being out here in the boonies makes it hard. Luckily I've got him and our little dog and, last but not least this place!


Loneliness is so real at times.  Even with my pets I still need people at times.  Enjoy some pie and music


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## Blessed (Jul 27, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Here's a slice of each for you.  Don't worry about the calories because it's virtual


Your not getting off that easy, I can't get to that pie but I did grab ice cream at the store.  You have got me craving pie, so I took a crust out of the freezer.  Shall it be chocolate, lemon, appler or cherry?  I will let you know when I decide.


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## Blessed (Jul 27, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> The only ones who know my email are mostly family and they are usually to busy to be bothered.


It is hard, I don't see or talk to my son and family but twice a month or so.  I can call anytime but they have so much going on I don't call unless I have to.


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## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

Blessed said:


> It is hard, I don't see or talk to my son and family but twice a month or so.  I can call anytime but they have so much going on I don't call unless I have to.


Sorry it's not more often you talk to them.  I rarely get to talk with my family.  Oh well.


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## Remy (Jul 27, 2022)

I don't tend to get lonely. I did much more when younger. What I do is worry and feel isolated. But I have the cats. I'll work on some knitting, sewing or something. I'll pick the book up. 

I hope you feel better soon Ruthanne


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## Bella (Jul 27, 2022)

Blessed said:


> Your not getting off that easy, I can't get to that pie but I did grab ice cream at the store.  You have got me craving pie, so* I took a crust out of the freezer.  Shall it be chocolate, lemon, appler or cherry?  I will let you know when I decide.*


@Blessed Cherry , cherry , make cherry!


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## Blessed (Jul 27, 2022)

I may do cherry, I was thinking lemon but that meringue can be tricky.  Sometmes I do it well sometimes not so much, normally I would just slap on some cool whip but I don't have any in the freezer.  I was just checking for ingredients.


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## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

Remy said:


> I don't tend to get lonely. I did much more when younger. What I do is worry and feel isolated. But I have the cats. I'll work on some knitting, sewing or something. I'll pick the book up.
> 
> I hope you feel better soon Ruthanne


Thanks everyone here has cheered me up tonight.  I guess I'm not the only one who gets lonely.  I hope your isolation and worry feelings resolve soon.  I get those too.


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## dseag2 (Jul 27, 2022)

You're not the only one.  I have a partner, but he works 5 days a week.  I go to the gym, the mall, food shopping and to Starbucks to be around other people.  I'm an introvert, but I miss the social interaction I had when I was working.  I had a large circle of "work friends", and there are very few that I am still in touch with.  Many are still employed and too busy for a conversation.

I was ecstatic to have so much freedom during my first year of retirement.  Now I feel like I'm in kind of a rut.  Probably because it has been too hot to do anything outside for over 2 months.  I watch TV during the day, but my problem is that I watch previously recorded late-night shows, and even though they are funny they frequently cover negative topics.  I am so happy when a good, new drama is introduced because it provides an escape.  I went to see Where The Crawdads Sing today at the theater.  It was just great to get away from "everyday life" for 2 hours.  

You're definitely not alone.


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## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

dseag2 said:


> You're not the only one.  I have a partner, but he works 5 days a week.  I go to the gym, the mall, food shopping and to Starbucks to be around other people.  I'm an introvert, but I miss the social interaction I had when I was working.  I had a large circle of "work friends", and there are very few that I am still in touch with.  Many are still employed and too busy for a conversation.
> 
> I was ecstatic to have so much freedom during my first year of retirement.  Now I feel like I'm in kind of a rut.  Probably because it has been too hot to do anything outside for over 2 months.  I watch TV during the day, but my problem is that I watch previously recorded late-night shows, and even though they are funny they frequently cover negative topics.  I am so happy when a good, new drama is introduced because it provides an escape.  I went to see Where The Crawdads Sing today at the theater.  It was just great to get away from "everyday life" for 2 hours.
> 
> You're definitely not alone.


Thanks, yes some people don't even know us anymore after we retire sorry to say.  Maybe some day they will see what it feels like to be lonely too.  God help them.  

I look for some positive stuff on TV too.  It can be invigorating to watch.  I watched a strange series on Netflix last night.  What kept me watching it was to see what they came up with next.  It was gruesome but also funny.  lol


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## Patricia (Jul 27, 2022)

PamfromTx said:


> I have alot of family ... all over Texas and no one calls me.  I have to do the calling.  It is hurtful but I just try not to think about it.  The only one I can rely on when lonely is my sister Lucy.  But even then... she still works and always sounds tired; so, I try not to call too often.  I know how you feel, @Ruthanne .
> 
> I miss the friends that we made during our working days; but when we stopped working ~ the friends we had made forgot about us.  It was fun while it lasted.  We'd always have some event to go to.
> 
> ...


I think many people experience the same. Before I joined this forum, I made a lot of calls and talked to people. What I eventually noticed was the people who enjoyed talking weren't on FB. It took a while to make that discovery, but every person who had an interest in a long conversation had no social media. 

Some of the others who were talkers at one time didn't talk as long, but they are active on social media. Now that I'm on the forum, I'm falling into the same maybe. You're right that the virus had an impact, knowing people probably turned to social media more for that reason. 

I was sick and ended on a night schedule or I probably wouldn't have found the forum. The internet provides much to appreciate, but there is a downside. Now that I turned my schedule around, I will be sure to get out and visit people in person. The internet helps, but social media brings in energy of all kinds from all over creation and that can actually feel stressful. 

In person, I know the people, so the visits are more relaxing. At the same time, I enjoy the forum. Thankfully people who are homebound have the internet and television for company.


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## Artebian (Jul 27, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Ok, even though I prefer right now to live alone with my little pets I get occasions where I feel lonely for some companionship, conversation, interacting.  I want to talk to someone.  Anyone else here feel that way now?


Yes, I do. I have a cat who is a great companion.  But I feel lonely and anxious sometimes, and would enjoy some interaction.


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## officerripley (Jul 27, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Thanks, yes some people don't even know us anymore after we retire sorry to say. Maybe some day they will see what it feels like to be lonely too. God help them.


Boy is that ever the truth; a co-worker told me that years ago, "Five minutes after we walk out of here, they won't even remember our names let alone keep in touch like they promise." She was so right and the professors I worked with were already forgetting my name before I even retired, sigh.



Ruthanne said:


> I watched a strange series on Netflix last night. What kept me watching it was to see what they came up with next. It was gruesome but also funny. lol


Which one is it? I'd love to check it out!


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## Bella (Jul 27, 2022)

Hi @Artebian  !  Welcome to the forum!

Howz about posting and telling us a bit about yourself in the Introductions Forum > https://www.seniorforums.com/forums/introductions.15/

Glad you've joined us! 

Bella


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## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

officerripley said:


> Boy is that ever the truth; a co-worker told me that years ago, "Five minutes after we walk out of here, they won't even remember our names let alone keep in touch like they promise." She was so right and the professors I worked with were already forgetting my name before I even retired, sigh.
> 
> 
> Which one is it? I'd love to check it out!


Something like The woman Across the Street watching the Girl in the Window.  The starring character loves wine, then any kind of booze.  It was weird.


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## dseag2 (Jul 27, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Something like The woman Across the Street watching the Girl in the Window.  The starring character loves wine, then any kind of booze.  It was weird.


Sounds like this movie that we saw at the theater.  It was creepy but fascinating!


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## Patricia (Jul 27, 2022)

palides2021 said:


> It comes and goes with me. Sometimes, I get caught up in what I'm doing and don't think about it. Whenever I feel lonely, I get on the phone and call family or go out to the mall.


I have some phone talkers but talking to family members helps the most. There have been losses, so I don't have much family here now. I spent a lot of time with my dad out and about until the virus came along. Since he passed away, I feel lonely. He was especially good company. Living on a night schedule with shingles didn't help matters. So thankful to be turned around as of now. I've noticed some people have been on the forum for quite some time, suggesting there is a benefit.


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## Judycat (Jul 27, 2022)

There are days when I'm so thankful I live alone and others when it feels pretty bleak. Sorry you have to deal with this too. Little things seem like mountains and if no one is around to hear about it I don't relish burdening someone else. My sons have their families and work...that's how it is. Just saying I get it.


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## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

dseag2 said:


> Sounds like this movie that we saw at the theater.  It was creepy but fascinating!


Yeah, the one last night was very creepy, gruesome and strange...lol


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## Right Now (Jul 27, 2022)

In all honesty, I don't recall ever feeling lonely, even being alone between marriages, until Covid came along.  I actually enjoyed my quiet times, never bored.
Then, the virus made me so aware of how social I was, and the deliberate isolation  has taken a toll on me.  Now I try to get back to normal, but the effort to stay in contact with friends takes focus.  My life has changed. Yes, now I am aware there are brief periods of feeling lonely.  Little did I realize what everyday contacts did for my well being, always took it for granted.

Now. I try to listen, truly listen when my friends share moments of frustration, disappointment,  and days of feeling lonely.


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## officerripley (Jul 27, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Something like The woman Across the Street watching the Girl in the Window.  The starring character loves wine, then any kind of booze.  It was weird.


Oh, I saw that, it was hilarious, such a great send-up of those thriller movies. I especially liked the character of Buell, the handyman who was taking forever to fix her mailbox, lol, played by one of my favorite actors, Cameron Britton; he's also got a part in an upcoming Tom Hanks movie, _A Man Called Otto_ (based on the book, _A Man Called Ove_ by Fredrik Backman; Hanks is playing Otto, don't know which is Britton's character yet).


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## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

Maybe this is why I get lonely--I love this guy!


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## officerripley (Jul 27, 2022)

Right Now said:


> In all honesty, I don't recall ever feeling lonely, even being alone between marriages, until Covid came along.  I actually enjoyed my quiet times, never bored.
> Then, the virus made me so aware of how social I was, and the deliberate isolation  has taken a toll on me.  Now I try to get back to normal, but the effort to stay in contact with friends takes focus.  My life has changed. Yes, now I am aware there are brief periods of feeling lonely.  Little did I realize what everyday contacts did for my well being, always took it for granted.
> 
> Now. I try to listen, truly listen when my friends share moments of frustration, disappointment,  and days of feeling lonely.


Yeah, Covid sure had an effect, didn't it, sigh. It sure seems like it's made people around here give up on even trying to socialize (and it was bad enough before!).


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## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

Would anyone like some Pizza or Lasagna or anything.  I'm not a bad cook and I'd like to make whatever you have a taste to eat or drink.


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## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

Here's another song for you!


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## Blessed (Jul 27, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Something like The woman Across the Street watching the Girl in the Window.  The starring character loves wine, then any kind of booze.  It was weird.





Ruthanne said:


> Would anyone like some Pizza or Lasagna or anything.  I'm not a bad cook and I'd like to make whatever you have a taste to eat or drink.


I am still waiting on the pie!!


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## bowmore (Jul 27, 2022)

After my wife passed away, I found an on line support group that helped fill the lonely hours.


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## Patricia (Jul 27, 2022)

bowmore said:


> After my wife passed away, I found an on line support group that helped fill the lonely hours.


Was the online support group a different set up? I thought this was a senior forum but didn't realize it's a social media site. How to tell the difference before joining and signing in?


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## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

Artebian said:


> Yes, I do. I have a cat who is a great companion.  But I feel lonely and anxious sometimes, and would enjoy some interaction.


Hi.  Didn't see your post till now.  You're not alone.  I get anxious and also depressed.  I try to occupy my time but sometimes it just doesn't work out.  That's why I started this thread.


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## Geezer Garage (Jul 27, 2022)

You are not alone Ruthanne, been a bit down in the dumps myself lately. I've been doing fairly well living on my own, but not what I would prefer. If it wasn't for the dog, and this forum, it could get pretty bleak at times. Thanks for the pie.


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## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

Geezer Garage said:


> You are not alone Ruthanne, been a bit down in the dumps myself lately. I've been doing fairly well living on my own, but not what I would prefer. If it wasn't for the dog, and this forum, it could get pretty bleak at times. Thanks for the pie.


Thanks for your message.


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## Bella (Jul 27, 2022)

...


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## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

For those of you still up, here is another song for you!


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## Patricia (Jul 27, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Ok, even though I prefer right now to live alone with my little pets I get occasions where I feel lonely for some companionship, conversation, interacting.  I want to talk to someone.  Anyone else here feel that way now?


You started a helpful thread.


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## Ruthanne (Jul 27, 2022)

Patricia said:


> You started a helpful thread.


Thanks for saying so.  It's nice to know I could help others too.


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## Wren (Jul 28, 2022)

Great thread Ruthanne,  I’ve lived alone for many years, I  don’t get lonely as I have a daughter and some really good friends but, if I can’t sleep sometime I’ll be heading in to say hello and have a slice of that pie !


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## Lavinia (Jul 28, 2022)

Not right now. I'm happy in my solitude but there are times when I need a bit of human contact. The people in the local shops are very friendly so, a trip for a newspaper or loaf of bread results in a little chat. That is usually enough.


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## hollydolly (Jul 28, 2022)

dseag2 said:


> You're not the only one.  I have a partner, but he works 5 days a week.  I go to the gym, the mall, food shopping and to Starbucks to be around other people.  I'm an introvert, but I miss the social interaction I had when I was working.  I had a large circle of "work friends", and there are very few that I am still in touch with.  Many are still employed and too busy for a conversation.
> 
> I was ecstatic to have so much freedom during my first year of retirement.  Now I feel like I'm in kind of a rut.
> 
> You're definitely not alone.


Very similar here..... and since husband left a year ago, I'm totally on my own.. living in a semi rural area, there's no clubs to join ... so it's desperately lonely... if it wasn't for everyone on here.. I'd have barely anyone to interact with...


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## Chris21E (Jul 28, 2022)

Worse... Is when not missed or forgotten on a forum. I do think of everyone.  Coping with so many changes, Remember....


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## Chris21E (Jul 28, 2022)

Remember...Always on my mind Willie Nelson


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## katlupe (Jul 28, 2022)

I do not get lonely but I am always busy with some project or other. Living in an apartment building with other seniors means everyone is home all the time. I have made close friends with a small group of them and they drop in to talk to me at various times through out most days. No matter what I am doing, I will stop to sit down and talk to them. 

This forum is like a comfortable place to hang out. You can come here anytime and talk about almost anything. I find the more I posted the more I got to know everyone. Writing has always been my strongest way of communicating. So getting to know people by writing is easier for me.


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## katlupe (Jul 28, 2022)

Patricia said:


> Was the online support group a different set up? I thought this was a senior forum but didn't realize it's a social media site. How to tell the difference before joining and signing in?


The difference I found by researching it is that a forum is normally based on a certain topic (such as Seniors, rabbits, homesteading, etc.). Social Media is based on each profiles of each person. The person who posts their content makes it interesting to others who read it based on their personal connection.

Personally I think social media uses the free content and profiles of the people for profit only. They do not care about us. Which is why I like forums better even though what I saw in researching they say forums are disappearing. I hope not.


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## hollydolly (Jul 28, 2022)

katlupe said:


> The difference I found by researching it is that a forum is normally based on a certain topic (such as Seniors, rabbits, homesteading, etc.). Social Media is based on each profiles of each person. The person who posts their content makes it interesting to others who read it based on their personal connection.
> 
> Personally I think social media uses the free content and profiles of the people for profit only. They do not care about us. Which is why I like forums better even though what I saw in researching they say forums are disappearing. I hope not.


We have a lot to thank @Matrix for ... without him.. we wouldn't have this forum and all the friends many of us have made over the years... Think about it folks.. if our Admin  decided tomorrow that he didn't want to do this any more.. we'd all be lost... it's happened  to so many other places.. this is why it's so irritating when people deliberately flout the rules and even argue with Admin.. 

Matrix  doesn't _Have_ to do this, this forum is not making him rich.. and very often I'm sure it's a headache to him, so really why people can't just remember this , and bear in mind this is a one man band, who can pull the plug on it at any time.


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## katlupe (Jul 28, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> We have a lot to thank @Matrix for ... without him.. we wouldn't have this forum and all the friends many of us have made over the years... Think about it folks.. if our Admin  decided tomorrow that he didn't want to do this any more.. we'd all be lost... it's happened  to so many other places.. this is why it's so irritating when people deliberately flout the rules and even argue with Admin..
> 
> Matrix  doesn't _Have_ to do this, this forum is not making him rich.. and very often I'm sure it's a headache to him, so really why people can't just remember this , and bear in mind this is a one man band, who can pull the plug on it at any time.


I do think about that. I belonged to a huge homesteading forum. When the original owner sold it, the new people used it for profit. Then they even took posts members made and inserted them into another forum they owned because that one was not doing so well.The lady who had her post put on the other forum was so mad because they took her name off the post like someone else had posted it. She let everyone know what happened and everyone left or stopped going there. Turned to fakebook instead. 

Two other forums I belonged to that were really good too, just took down when the owner got tired of them. I miss both of those to this day. One was a low carb one and the other a NY homesteading one. Sad when they do that since you lose contact with people you have grown to care about.


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## PamfromTx (Jul 28, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Would anyone like some Pizza or Lasagna or anything.  I'm not a bad cook and I'd like to make whatever you have a taste to eat or drink.


No, but I'd like a couple of fluffy pancakes.   lol   Thank you for the pizza offer though.


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## hollydolly (Jul 28, 2022)

katlupe said:


> I do think about that. I belonged to a huge homesteading forum. When the original owner sold it, the new people used it for profit. Then they even took posts members made and inserted them into another forum they owned because that one was not doing so well.The lady who had her post put on the other forum was so mad because they took her name off the post like someone else had posted it. She let everyone know what happened and everyone left or stopped going there. Turned to fakebook instead.
> 
> Two other forums I belonged to that were really good too, just took down when the owner got tired of them. I miss both of those to this day. One was a low carb one and the other a NY homesteading one. Sad when they do that since you lose contact with people you have grown to care about.


yes Kat, it's happened to me too, with several forums.. some very large indeed, and run by more than one person,  in fact one was run by a national company who focuses on services for over 50's.. and still it  folded it's chat forum .. It's not an understatement to say that  People who'd made many friends, were  devastated.

there are other forums in the UK ehich are very large,, they need a group of Moderators, but those mods on the whole are very cliquey, and  they have their favourite posters, and if you're not in that circle, you'll have every post you make moderated severely ..

The generally hands off moderation on this forum is very rare, and Admin only steps in when there are rule breakages ..


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## bowmore (Jul 28, 2022)

Patricia said:


> Was the online support group a different set up? I thought this was a senior forum but didn't realize it's a social media site. How to tell the difference before joining and signing in?


Yes, It was called GROWW, and it was specifically for people who had suffered a loss. There were a number of chat rooms set up and monitored. That is the basic difference between that and SF. There is no real time interaction between members here at SF..
Unfortunately, GROWW is closed, but there is another site called widowed village hosted by Soaring Spirits.
Full disclosure-before any feels sorry for me, I met my wife there, and we have been married for almost 15 years


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## hollydolly (Jul 28, 2022)

There's plenty of forums and websites for those who are widowed... but there's just nothing for people who have lost their spouses through divorce.. I mean a grieving website.. because losing a spouse this way, by separation or divorce,  causes as much grief very often.. if not actually more.. yet there's so very little available for people who are in this position..


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## Pepper (Jul 28, 2022)

There's a ton of grief divorce groups in NYC.  Look under grief divorce.


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## bowmore (Jul 28, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> There's plenty of forums and websites for those who are widowed... but there's just nothing for people who have lost their spouses through divorce.. I mean a grieving website.. because losing a spouse this way, but separation or divorce,  causes as much grief very often.. if not actually more.. yet there's so very little available for people who are in this position..


I agree. When a spouse has passed, that is the end of it. In a divorce the other spouse is still around and can become a PITA. I know from personal experience.


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## officerripley (Jul 28, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> There's plenty of forums and websites for those who are widowed... but there's just nothing for people who have lost their spouses through divorce.. I mean a grieving website.. because losing a spouse this way, but separation or divorce,  causes as much grief very often.. if not actually more.. yet there's so very little available for people who are in this position..


It seems to be the same for face-to-face groups. Although there are few of any kind of face2face support groups around here anymore, when there were there were widowhood groups but none for divorcees.


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## Bella (Jul 28, 2022)

When you tell people you're lonely, it can be difficult for them to relate because they haven't really experienced it in the truest sense. At least that's what I've found. They tell you to "get out." There are plenty of people to meet, "just get out there". As I've said before, the pandemic has put a real hitch in my giddy-up and I'm still not comfortable being around groups of people. Even without the restrictions of COVID, it's difficult to meet people and make friends at this age. Also, when you tell people you're lonely, they think there's something wrong with you, lol, they just don't get it. Since my husband died and many of my family and friends have also passed away, I often find myself lonely.

Last year I had a lot going on with home repairs, including the installation of a new well. I don't want to get into it too much because there's too much to tell. During that time, I reconnected with a very good (platonic) old friend from high school. Between almost daily emails and occasional phone conversations, this man kept me alive through the hell I was living. It was a great feeling and a relief to have someone to "talk" to about what was going on. Sadly, he wasn't in good health and was in and out of the hospital. He contracted mono and then COVID on top of it. Several months ago, he called me from the hospital to let me know he'd be out of touch for a little while, so I wouldn't worry when I didn't hear from him. That was the last conversation we had. He died. I was and still am devastated.

When he died, I felt lost and did a search for senior forums, which is what brought me here. It's not the same as having personal interactions, but it helps a great deal. We're at that age where many of us have lost spouses, family and friends. I also lost my beloved elkhound, my darling furbaby, Shana. SF is a good place to find some comfort with others who know what you're going through.

I really don't want to go through the rest of my life alone and would love to have more friends. It would be so nice to have a companion to spend time with and do things with. Just having a meal together or watching TV would be lovely. I'd like to find someone to love who'd love me back, but I have my doubts about that happening. Like I said, I don't go out as I once did because COVID is still happening and will be for the foreseeable future, and that severely limits the possibilities of meeting someone. I'm not dead yet, so I still have a modicum of hope. In the meantime, I'll do the best I can, and I know the rest of you will too. It's nice to know that we're here for each other.

Well, I've gone on for quite a bit, haven't I?  Hugs to all!

Bella


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## Bella (Jul 28, 2022)

@hollydolly - Hols, I did a search and found these places. I don't know if it's what you need or are looking for but it's something. I haven't check them out but you can. 

Best Online Divorce Support Groups > https://www.verywellmind.com/best-online-divorce-support-groups-4802209

10 Best Online Divorce Support Groups to Approach > https://www.calmsage.com/best-online-divorce-support-groups/

Online Divorce Support Groups and Chat Rooms > https://divorce.lovetoknow.com/Divorce_Support_Online

Bella


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## Bella (Jul 28, 2022)

Chocolate always helps!


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## hollydolly (Jul 28, 2022)

Bella said:


> @hollydolly - Hols, I did a search and found these places. I don't know if it's what you need or are looking for but it's something. I haven't check them out but you can.
> 
> Best Online Divorce Support Groups > https://www.verywellmind.com/best-online-divorce-support-groups-4802209
> 
> ...


thanks so much Bella..I've had a quick look at all of them, and bookmarked them to look at when I get more time...


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## officerripley (Jul 28, 2022)

Bella said:


> When you tell people you're lonely, it can be difficult for them to relate because they haven't really experienced it in the truest sense. At least that's what I've found. They tell you to "get out." There are plenty of people to meet, "just get out there". As I've said before, the pandemic has put a real hitch in my giddy-up and I'm still not comfortable being around groups of people. Even without the restrictions of COVID, it's difficult to meet people and make friends at this age. Also, when you tell people you're lonely, they think there's something wrong with you, lol, they just don't get it. Since my husband died and many of my family and friends have also passed away, I often find myself lonely.


This is all so true, so true. I hear that some other countries are starting to address the loneliness issue, especially for the elderly, but not the U.S. it doesn't appear. As you've said, there seems to be  a real stigma of "if you're lonely, it's your own fault!" And sure, sometimes it is the lonely person's own fault, but not always. It's like with those that don't understand, I guess they think that they and their families and their friends are all going to live and be healthy forever; human nature maybe.


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## hollydolly (Jul 28, 2022)

Bella said:


> When you tell people you're lonely, it can be difficult for them to relate because they haven't really experienced it in the truest sense. At least that's what I've found. They tell you to "get out." There are plenty of people to meet, "just get out there".


First of all Bella..I'm so sorry about the loss of your friend, coming right after the death of your husband as well must have been horrendous for you.. just the deepest heartbreak ever even tho' your friend was platonic, he  saved you from the hell pit of deep depression.. and that loss must have taken your legs from under you.. ... this last year if it hadn't been for some really understanding, loyal and trustworthy friends here behind the scenes .. who just nursed me through month after month..day after day , and some outside therapy for the first time in my life .. I wouldn't have made it through , and that's not being dramatic, I was never in my life at such a low Ebb... . I'm still not right now.. but things will evntually pass.. I just think being alone, is not helping at all...which brings me to..

your post......*When you tell people you're lonely, it can be difficult for them to relate because they haven't really experienced it in the truest sense. At least that's what I've found. They tell you to "get out." There are plenty of people to meet, "just get out there".*....is exactly word for word what people tell me to do... my daughter is like a broken record saying it... she's just not getting it.. and she doesn't want to hear me saying I'm lonely, because she tells me I should just go out and talk to people.. so I have to pretend everything is ok... ...

She doesn't realise that alone it's hard to ''meet people''...when I no longer work.. and because my friends were ''our friends'' by and large so their loyalties are split... try and make new friends when one lives rurally.. and there are no clubs to join..( not that I'm a club person) ..but even my own female friends are not as comfortable having me near their husbands without my own being there...like I'd be after theirs???..I wouldn't but ..it just makes everything so much harder to come to terms with living alone..


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## Georgiagranny (Jul 28, 2022)

I gotta go back and start at the first post because I was just thinking about this while playing in the dirt this morning. There are people around...DD, DSIL, DGD, people at work...but I still get lonely sometimes. DH was a social butterfly and I mostly just followed along behind. He's been gone for years, and I'm not a social butterfly so that leaves me pretty much without friends.

In any case, making late-in-life friends isn't an easy thing to do. "Get out there and meet people" isn't helpful. Get out where? Hang out in a bar? A coffee shop? Assume that the Church would be delighted to have me back even though their rules and laws are what drove me away in the first place?

Most older people already have their own circle of friends; being welcomed into an established group isn't likely to happen.

Family is nice and co-workers are nice. It's not the same thing as having a "personal person" and friends. It's not just DH who's dead; most of my friends are dead, too, and in any case, the ones who are left live back in my hometown...1200 miles away.

ETA: IOW, y'all are my friends now, like it or not! I like keeping track of what you're doing, where you went, what you bought shopping, what's for supper...


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## Remy (Jul 28, 2022)

@Bella I'm very sorry for the loss of your friend. He sounds like a very good person and I'm glad he was support and help to you. I'm sure he enjoyed being there for you.


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## Remy (Jul 28, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> if it wasn't for everyone on here.. I'd have barely anyone to interact with...


I felly much the same way. My interactions are work are largely negative I feel. (like that freakish receptionist) Or just people I smile at but don't trust. There are a few I genuinely like but we're busy at work. And I may just see them at shift change.


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## Remy (Jul 28, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> There's plenty of forums and websites for those who are widowed... but there's just nothing for people who have lost their spouses through divorce.. I mean a grieving website.. because losing a spouse this way, by separation or divorce,  causes as much grief very often.. if not actually more.. yet there's so very little available for people who are in this position..


I've never been married but I think this is very true. I had a co-worker with a large circle of friends. She was married to an attorney. After the divorce many of these "friends" just dropped her. She sent cards and even gifts during the holidays and got nothing in reply. It was very hard for her for a number of years. She finally moved away back to her home state and met a guy. We've lost contact but I hope she's doing OK.


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## PamfromTx (Jul 28, 2022)

Bella said:


> When you tell people you're lonely, it can be difficult for them to relate because they haven't really experienced it in the truest sense. At least that's what I've found. They tell you to "get out." There are plenty of people to meet, "just get out there". As I've said before, the pandemic has put a real hitch in my giddy-up and I'm still not comfortable being around groups of people. Even without the restrictions of COVID, it's difficult to meet people and make friends at this age. Also, when you tell people you're lonely, they think there's something wrong with you, lol, they just don't get it. Since my husband died and many of my family and friends have also passed away, I often find myself lonely.
> 
> Last year I had a lot going on with home repairs, including the installation of a new well. I don't want to get into it too much because there's too much to tell. During that time, I reconnected with a very good (platonic) old friend from high school. Between almost daily emails and occasional phone conversations, this man kept me alive through the hell I was living. It was a great feeling and a relief to have someone to "talk" to about what was going on. Sadly, he wasn't in good health and was in and out of the hospital. He contracted mono and then COVID on top of it. Several months ago, he called me from the hospital to let me know he'd be out of touch for a little while, so I wouldn't worry when I didn't hear from him. That was the last conversation we had. He died. I was and still am devastated.
> 
> ...


Thanks for sharing your life with us.  We'll always be here for you.  I am so sorry that you lost that friend.


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## officerripley (Jul 28, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> but even my own female friends are not as comfortable having me near their husbands without my own being there...like I'd be after theirs???..I wouldn't but ..it just makes everything so much harder to come to terms with living alone..




I know what you mean. When my first marriage ended in divorce, a co-worker told me, "Hate to tell you this, sweetheart, but you're going to lose all your female, married friends. Unless you and any of them were friends before either of you got married." And she was right. And it's as you said about the married ones not wanting a single gal around their husbands; plus, I've heard married gals say that their husbands didn't want them spending any time with a divorced female friend in case this "being divorced thing was contagious."


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## officerripley (Jul 28, 2022)

Georgiagranny said:


> I gotta go back and start at the first post because I was just thinking about this while playing in the dirt this morning. There are people around...DD, DSIL, DGD, people at work...but I still get lonely sometimes. DH was a social butterfly and I mostly just followed along behind. He's been gone for years, and I'm not a social butterfly so that leaves me pretty much without friends.
> 
> In any case, making late-in-life friends isn't an easy thing to do. "Get out there and meet people" isn't helpful. Get out where? Hang out in a bar? A coffee shop? Assume that the Church would be delighted to have me back even though their rules and laws are what drove me away in the first place?
> 
> ...


Another so-true post; you all get it (as the kids put it, lol).


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## officerripley (Jul 28, 2022)

Remy said:


> I've never been married but I think this is very true. I had a co-worker with a large circle of friends. She was married to an attorney. After the divorce many of these "friends" just dropped her. She sent cards and even gifts during the holidays and got nothing in reply. It was very hard for her for a number of years. She finally moved away back to her home state and met a guy. We've lost contact but I hope she's doing OK.


I kept trying to reply to this in the same post (#89) where I replied to what hollydolly said about this but it didn't work, sigh. Anyway, as I said in #89, this is so common for divorced women. Both divorce and widowhood don't seem to work the same way for men, everybody's trying to matchmake them up with somebody; female divorcees and widows seem to get forgotten about a lot faster.


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## Tish (Jul 28, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Would anyone like some pie?  We can have a little get together......
> 
> View attachment 231530
> 
> View attachment 231531


Yes, please.
When I get a tad lonely, I get the dog and we go for a walk, she always attracts people.


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## MountainRa (Jul 28, 2022)

I feel the loneliest in a crowd of people.


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## Bella (Jul 28, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> ..*.but even my own female friends are not as comfortable having me near their husbands without my own being there...like I'd be after theirs???*..I wouldn't but ..it just makes everything so much harder to come to terms with living alone..





officerripley said:


> *I know what you mean.* When my first marriage ended in divorce, a co-worker told me, *"Hate to tell you this, sweetheart, but you're going to lose all your female, married friends.* Unless you and any of them were friends before either of you got married." And she was right. And *it's as you said about the married ones not wanting a single gal around their husbands*; plus, I've heard married gals say that their husbands didn't want them spending any time with a divorced female friend in case this "being divorced thing was contagious."


This also applies to widows. I have no interest in anyone's significant other. The wife gives you the snake eye if you're in the same room with him, lol. God forbid he should engage you or you should engage him in conversation. The women swoop in like they're protecting their baby from being ravaged by a carnivorous predator, lol. I don't and never have snacked on other women's men! 

Bella


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## Pinky (Jul 28, 2022)

Bella said:


> This also applies to widows. I have no interest in anyone's significant other. The wife gives you the snake eye if you're in the same room with him, lol. God forbid he should engage you or you should engage him in conversation. The women swoop in like they're protecting their baby from being ravaged by a carnivorous predator, lol. I don't and never have snacked on other women's men!
> 
> Bella


I've had this happen when I was in my 2nd marriage. Some women seem to really watch their husbands.


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## hollydolly (Jul 28, 2022)

Bella said:


> This also applies to widows. I have no interest in anyone's significant other. The wife gives you the snake eye if you're in the same room with him, lol. God forbid he should engage you or you should engage him in conversation. The women swoop in like they're protecting their baby from being ravaged by a carnivorous predator, lol. *I don't and never have snacked on other women's men!*
> 
> Bella


Nor me ..unlike the evil w*** who went after my husband


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## hollydolly (Jul 28, 2022)

Tish said:


> Yes, please.
> When I get a tad lonely, I get the dog and we go for a walk, she always attracts people.


see, my DD keeps telling me to get a dog.. being the dog lover she is.. and has 3, but I don't want to at this time of my life.. I don't want to be tied down , I want to be able to get up and go somewhere at a whim and not worry about the dog... maybe when I can't travel anymore, I will but not now..


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## Bella (Jul 28, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> see, *my DD keeps telling me to get a dog*.. being the dog lover she is.. and has 3, but I don't want to at this time of my life.. *I don't want to be tied down , I want to be able to get up and go somewhere at a whim and now worry about the dog... maybe when I can't travel anymore, I will but not now..*


I get that. I've considered getting another pet, but it's a responsibility that I just can't deal with right now. Pets take a lot of time, attention, and energy, especially if you get a young one. I also worry about it being properly socialized since I haven't had many people to my home except repair men and a couple of my cousins/friends since the pandemic started. 

I feel as though the poor thing would be locked away without much other social contact, and that ain't good. It's different for a pet you've had for a long time, they've already been properly socialized. So, perhaps in the future, I'll see if I can work it out to get another furry companion. I'd really like to. I miss my little fuzzface. 

Bella


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## hollydolly (Jul 28, 2022)

Bella said:


> I get that. I've considered getting another pet, but it's a responsibility that I just can't deal with right now. Pets take a lot of time, attention, and energy, especially if you get a young one. I also worry about it being properly socialized since I haven't had many people to my home except repair men and a couple of my cousins/friends since the pandemic started. I feel as though the poor thing would be locked away without much other social contact, and that ain't good. It's different for a pet you've had for a long time, they've already been properly socialized. So, perhaps in the future, I'll see if I can work it out to get another little furry companion. I'd really like to. I miss my little fuzzface.
> 
> Bella


currently I get my Pooch fix vicariously through DD... she even put them on the phone..


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## Pepper (Jul 28, 2022)

Remember those 'alone, not lonely' threads?  Insufferable.


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## hollydolly (Jul 28, 2022)

Pepper said:


> Remember those 'alone, not lonely' threads?  Insufferable.


Yes...*ugh*....


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## Pinky (Jul 28, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> currently I get my Pooch fix vicariously through DD... she even put them on the phone..


@hollydolly 
My daughter does that too. She has been sending photos of Abbi to us this week, during their vacation time at a modern farmhouse a couple of hours out of the city.


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## Shalimar (Jul 28, 2022)

Pepper said:


> Remember those 'alone, not lonely' threads?  Insufferable.


Ohhh yes. The arrogance!


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## Bella (Jul 28, 2022)

Pepper said:


> *Remember those 'alone, not lonely' threads?  Insufferable.*





hollydolly said:


> *Yes...*ugh*....*





Shalimar said:


> *Ohhh yes. The arrogance!*


I think that there might be some "alone, not lonely" people. I also think it's difficult for some people to admit that they're lonely and they don't want to say it out loud. Some people see it as a weakness and keep it to themselves, while others keep it silent because they don't want to be pitied. Nothing could be further from the truth. It takes a lot of strength to deal with on-going loneliness. I see it as simply accepting and facing reality and dealing as best I can with circumstances that are difficult to change.

Bella


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## officerripley (Jul 28, 2022)

Pepper said:


> Remember those 'alone, not lonely' threads?  Insufferable.


True. And you know what else I've seen recently that was insufferable and arrogant: I've read some books talking about how social connections are harder in this modern world since people no longer live in the small towns or same neighborhoods all their lives except for very few exceptions here in the U.S. and other countries and that it's hard to find and be able to afford (since few jobs) to live in such a place, etc., etc. So if you really want human connection, you'll have to take the initiative and go out and join clubs, etc. And that's true; things really have changed in the way people live, espec. since after World War 2. 

But you know what? I've read a couple of these books that came right out and said that if you found going out and "hustling" like that to try to make friends difficult, it wasn't because you're shy or it feels kind of unnatural. Oh no, these authors said it meant you were lazy; that you should get up off your rear end and just do it! Are they kidding me?! Humans spent at least 25,000 years in those hunter/gathering tribes where when not hunting they were gathered around the campfire and around others; if they wanted alone time they had to walk out into the bush or whatever alone. So the default setting for almost all of human history has been your other people to socialize with was close to hand; you didn't have to get out there & hustle for it. So if it feels awkward and unnatural to be out there hustling, it means you're normal, I think; so phooey on that theory of it means you're lazy. An unhelpful, unkind, literally inhuman take on it, I think. Okay, I'm done ranting now.


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## Pepper (Jul 28, 2022)

Simplistic theory at best @officerripley


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## Llynn (Jul 28, 2022)

I just don't get lonely. I guess it is from my only child youth spent in the country.....or perhaps something is broken in me


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## Pepper (Jul 28, 2022)

I think being an only child prepared you @Llynn.  Wish I had been an only child, but that's a whole other story!


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## Remy (Jul 28, 2022)

@officerripley Sounds like those authors are selling snake oil. I agree with you on tribes. Most societies today are compartmentalized. We are isolated. People in their own walls or their little or bigger plot of land. Interacting only in their closed circles. I've thought of how people in tribes were together. Probably because I've been isolated a lot. Not so sure we've gained so much society wise.


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## officerripley (Jul 28, 2022)

Pepper said:


> Simplistic theory at best @officerripley


?


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## Pepper (Jul 28, 2022)

officerripley said:


> ?


The book's outlook.


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## Remy (Jul 28, 2022)

MountainRa said:


> I feel the loneliest in a crowd of people.


I've felt the exact same thing.


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## Remy (Jul 28, 2022)

Pepper said:


> Remember those 'alone, not lonely' threads?  Insufferable.


I remember that too. Seems they went down some negative rabbit hole but I can't remember the details.


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## WheatenLover (Jul 28, 2022)

dseag2 said:


> I went to see Where The Crawdads Sing today at the theater.  It was just great to get away from "everyday life" for 2 hours.


How was the movie? I loved the book.


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## WheatenLover (Jul 28, 2022)

officerripley said:


> upcoming Tom Hanks movie, _A Man Called Otto_ (based on the book, _A Man Called Ove_ by Fredrik Backman; Hanks is playing Otto, don't know which is Britton's character yet).


You'll have to let me know how the movie is. I like Tom Hanks' movies, but I did not like _A Man Called Ove_.


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## MarkinPhx (Jul 28, 2022)

My problem is when I get lonely it can be a trigger to depression for me. And I have been very prone to depression for most of my life. Do not get me wrong, just because I get lonely does not mean it will lead to depression but if I am not careful it can and once depression takes over it   feels like it is one of of those friends I feel comfortable hanging around with but I know is not good to hang around with. . So I do try to let that lonely feeling flow through me and most times it will fade but if I feel it fester for too long then I need to find a way to get rid of that feeling. Many of the methods mentioned here I do also along with those things I mentioned earlier.


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## dseag2 (Jul 28, 2022)

WheatenLover said:


> How was the movie? I loved the book.


I didn't read the book, but I really enjoyed the movie.


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## WheatenLover (Jul 28, 2022)

Patricia said:


> Was the online support group a different set up? I thought this was a senior forum but didn't realize it's a social media site. How to tell the difference before joining and signing in?


Some people class forums as social media. I tend to think of places like FB, Twitter, and the like as social media. Forums, OTOH, stick to interest groups. Senior Forums, Democratic Underground, MobileRead, Puppy Forum and Dog Forums, and the like. City Data and Reddit are forums that have a lot of special interest sub-forums. I am a member of all those forums, but I have some I visit a lot more than others - like here.


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## Gaer (Jul 28, 2022)

@Ruthanne,  I'm not going to tell you to get diversions.  Making potholders doesn't take away the hollowness in the heart.
Don't know about you but I'd love the thrill of a kiss from a real man, the intimacy.  At my age, I guess "romantic love" is
all over for me and as strong as I try to be, sometimes it gets to me and I succumb to the sadness of being alone.  
I try so hard to not ever feel sad , to be so positive but sometimes it just hurts.  You just have to FEEL THE HURT.
Get through it.  Stand up, shake yourself off and start again.  it's hard but you are an extraordinary woman and you can 
do this!  Remember, any wonderful thing can happen at any moment!  A lot of us are going through the same feelings you 
are experiencing.

Haha!  I've had men come up and flirt with me in the grocery store; ask me out!   Stupid me, I just laugh and walk away.
I'm kind of an idiot a lot of the time!  I'm my own worst enemy!


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## WheatenLover (Jul 28, 2022)

dseag2 said:


> I didn't read the book, but I really enjoyed the movie.


Good. That makes me want to see it. I didn't know there was a movie until you posted about it. Thank you!


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## MickaC (Jul 28, 2022)

Bella said:


> Chocolate always helps!


CHOCOLATE


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## officerripley (Jul 28, 2022)

WheatenLover said:


> You'll have to let me know how the movie is. I like Tom Hanks' movies, but I did not like _A Man Called Ove_.


Me too; I tried reading _Ove _and just couldn't get into it; but I also like Tom Hanks' movies so I'll try to see it. Plus that way, I'll get to see Cameron too!


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## WheatenLover (Jul 28, 2022)

officerripley said:


> ?


Two things that are elements of happiness are ties to the community, and having close friends and a social life. Humans, from what I've read, are not designed to be hermits. We are social animals.

I've felt hermit-like for the past 2.5 years, and I don't like it. One of the things I'm looking forward to is having someone my age (my cousin) to live with. A major part of this is that he lives in a small town (pop. 1,800) in which he knows everyone. I'm looking forward to meeting people.

Before I got married to my husband and moved to Boston, I had a very active social life, a large friendship group, and we did things together all the time. I loved it. My husband hates having a social life or guests in our home. I've really missed that. When I am in Atlanta, I have an active social life with many of those people.

Here, I used to be in a group of friends (10+ people) who met for breakfast twice weekly. Since Covid & Cancer, that hasn't happened for me, although the group still gets together.

I've gotten used to being a hermit. I don't like it, though, because every day seems to be the same. I like seeing people in person a whole lot more than I like talking on the phone. Coming here has really been beneficial to me. You all are great!

I don't like doing things alone, but I got used to it during my marriage.


----------



## MickaC (Jul 28, 2022)

officerripley said:


> This is all so true, so true. I hear that some other countries are starting to address the loneliness issue, especially for the elderly, but not the U.S. it doesn't appear. As you've said, there seems to be  a real stigma of "if you're lonely, it's your own fault!" And sure, sometimes it is the lonely person's own fault, but not always. It's like with those that don't understand, I guess they think that they and their families and their friends are all going to live and be healthy forever; human nature maybe.


There are those that don’t understand, and sometimes those are the ones that make you feel bad about feeling lonely, and unless they travel that same road, they will never know.


----------



## Shalimar (Jul 28, 2022)

MickaC said:


> There are those that don’t understand, and sometimes those are the ones that make you feel bad about feeling lonely, and unless they travel that same road, they will never know.


Qft.


----------



## Shalimar (Jul 28, 2022)

*It occurs to me that the book’s perspective is perhaps less simplistic than the cure all toxic positivism which seems to be the Holy Grail for so many proponents of a paint by number approach to life. I have never found life to be linear, nor would I want my reality to be an 

endless series of self improvement tasks. The constant pressure to get out and do something  to fix your own, theoretically self perpetuating loneliness, can produce enough guilt and shame 

to choke a horse. How is this helpful? Emotions are not weakness, vulnerability., loneliness, sadness, these are human traits, not character flaws, or some form of dependency. Sensitivity, a need for human interaction, are healthy human attributes, no less so than a person having the capacity to

flourish on their own. I do differentiate between self contained persons, and those whose damaged psyches require that they  limit human contact. Although, for some, isolation may be necessary to preserve their equilibrium..What really causes me concern is the alacrity with which some individuals embrace the shame and blame approach. Cruel, insensitive, and so very very toxic. *


----------



## Em in Ohio (Jul 28, 2022)

katlupe said:


> The difference I found by researching it is that a forum is normally based on a certain topic (such as Seniors, rabbits, homesteading, etc.). Social Media is based on each profiles of each person. The person who posts their content makes it interesting to others who read it based on their personal connection.
> 
> Personally I think social media uses the free content and profiles of the people for profit only. They do not care about us. Which is why I like forums better even though what I saw in researching they say forums are disappearing. I hope not.


When my daughter and I were coming back from dropping off my great-grandkids, I thought about YOU.  We took the scenic route back through Amish country and passed a place with a sign that said "Bunnies for sale."  Your image with your bunny immediately popped into my mind!  I was momentarily tempted, but my dog would turn a sweet household addition into a tragedy, I'm sure.  Still - _your_ presence here has an impact!


----------



## Patricia (Jul 28, 2022)

Shalimar said:


> *It occurs to me that the book’s perspective is perhaps less simplistic than the cure all toxic positivism which seems to be the Holy Grail for so many proponents of a paint by number approach to life. I have never found life to be linear, nor would I want my reality to be an
> 
> endless series of self improvement tasks. The constant pressure to get out and do something  to fix your own, theoretically self perpetuating loneliness, can produce enough guilt and shame
> 
> ...


I'm too tired this time of night to say much, but, for me, to get out and do something doesn't help at all with loneliness. That might help with boredom. Only human contact helps with lonely, and an individual need as to who is the best connection. Only the person can figure that out for themselves, I think.


----------



## Patricia (Jul 28, 2022)

officerripley said:


> True. And you know what else I've seen recently that was insufferable and arrogant: I've read some books talking about how social connections are harder in this modern world since people no longer live in the small towns or same neighborhoods all their lives except for very few exceptions here in the U.S. and other countries and that it's hard to find and be able to afford (since few jobs) to live in such a place, etc., etc. So if you really want human connection, you'll have to take the initiative and go out and join clubs, etc. And that's true; things really have changed in the way people live, espec. since after World War 2.
> 
> But you know what? I've read a couple of these books that came right out and said that if you found going out and "hustling" like that to try to make friends difficult, it wasn't because you're shy or it feels kind of unnatural. Oh no, these authors said it meant you were lazy; that you should get up off your rear end and just do it! Are they kidding me?! Humans spent at least 25,000 years in those hunter/gathering tribes where when not hunting they were gathered around the campfire and around others; if they wanted alone time they had to walk out into the bush or whatever alone. So the default setting for almost all of human history has been your other people to socialize with was close to hand; you didn't have to get out there & hustle for it. So if it feels awkward and unnatural to be out there hustling, it means you're normal, I think; so phooey on that theory of it means you're lazy. An unhelpful, unkind, literally inhuman take on it, I think. Okay, I'm done ranting now.


Yes. If something doesn't feel right about advice, listen to yourself.


----------



## Ruthanne (Jul 28, 2022)

PamfromTx said:


> No, but I'd like a couple of fluffy pancakes.   lol   Thank you for the pizza offer though.


Pancakes will be ready in a few minutes @PamfromTx  Would you like some fresh maple syrup and butter with them?

By the way I just got here tonight.  Watching a movie on Prime now.  I'm going to make myself something to eat in awhile too.


----------



## terry123 (Jul 28, 2022)

Hawk said:


> I am homebound and so that goes with the territory....I just
> boob tube my way thru it ........


Same here.


----------



## Patricia (Jul 28, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Ok, even though I prefer right now to live alone with my little pets I get occasions where I feel lonely for some companionship, conversation, interacting.  I want to talk to someone.  Anyone else here feel that way now?


I'm assuming you are feeling the normal lonely that people experience. I hope so. Recently I went through the intense version, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. It's not that people weren't around, it's just that I still felt lonely. My daughter had moved, my dad passed away and I was sitting on the couch feeling so blue and decided to go for a drive. I decided I would drive to check on my daughter's empty house, and when I drove down the street I passed where my cousin lived, who passed away, where my brother lived, who passed away, where my parents lived, who passed away, and then where my grandparents lived, who passed away. Awful! The only positive aspect, odd to say, of getting physically sick after that was that the physical pain was so severe that it took my mind off of the emotional aspect for a while. Now that I'm physically better, it's time to finish the process. People help, but nothing replaces family. What a journey. It helps when people share experiences.


----------



## Ruthanne (Jul 28, 2022)

Bella said:


> When you tell people you're lonely, it can be difficult for them to relate because they haven't really experienced it in the truest sense. At least that's what I've found. They tell you to "get out." There are plenty of people to meet, "just get out there". As I've said before, the pandemic has put a real hitch in my giddy-up and I'm still not comfortable being around groups of people. Even without the restrictions of COVID, it's difficult to meet people and make friends at this age. Also, when you tell people you're lonely, they think there's something wrong with you, lol, they just don't get it. Since my husband died and many of my family and friends have also passed away, I often find myself lonely.
> 
> Last year I had a lot going on with home repairs, including the installation of a new well. I don't want to get into it too much because there's too much to tell. During that time, I reconnected with a very good (platonic) old friend from high school. Between almost daily emails and occasional phone conversations, this man kept me alive through the hell I was living. It was a great feeling and a relief to have someone to "talk" to about what was going on. Sadly, he wasn't in good health and was in and out of the hospital. He contracted mono and then COVID on top of it. Several months ago, he called me from the hospital to let me know he'd be out of touch for a little while, so I wouldn't worry when I didn't hear from him. That was the last conversation we had. He died. I was and still am devastated.
> 
> ...


I hear you and agree with all you've said.  I don't have close friends offline but a few I run into while going outside with the dog.  I have a lady I check in with once a week on my phone -I text her but it's a very short conversation.  I wish I had someone to have a long conversation with either through text or in person.  

I still have my fur and feather babies who are so special and sweet.

I thank everyone who has come to this thread-you are all special too


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## Patricia (Jul 28, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> I hear you and agree with all you've said.  I don't have close friends offline but a few I run into while going outside with the dog.  I have a lady I check in with once a week on my phone -I text her but it's a very short conversation.  I wish I had someone to have a long conversation with either through text or in person.
> 
> I still have my fur and feather babies who are so special and sweet.
> 
> I thank everyone who has come to this thread-you are all special too


Yes, the forum helps. When new, it is hard to sort the energies for a while.


----------



## Patricia (Jul 28, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Ok, even though I prefer right now to live alone with my little pets I get occasions where I feel lonely for some companionship, conversation, interacting.  I want to talk to someone.  Anyone else here feel that way now?


I hope the comments and stories help you feel less lonely too.


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## Ruthanne (Jul 28, 2022)

Patricia said:


> I'm assuming you are feeling the normal lonely that people experience. I hope so. Recently I went through the intense version, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. It's not that people weren't around, it's just that I still felt lonely. My daughter had moved, my dad passed away and I was sitting on the couch feeling so blue and decided to go for a drive. I decided I would drive to check on my daughter's empty house, and when I drove down the street I passed where my cousin lived, who passed away, where my brother lived, whoo passed away, where my parents lived, who passed away, and then where my grandparents lived, who passed away. Awful! The only positive aspect, odd to say, of getting physically sick after that was that the physical pain was so severe that it took my mind off of the emotional aspect for a while. Now that I'm physically better, it's time to finish the process. People help, but nothing replaces family. What a journey. It helps when people share experiences.


I think we all experience grief in our own unique ways.  Everyone's experiences are valid and real and painful. We all deserve acknowledgement that we are valid and so are our life experiences. I didn't actually get into it what I've  been feeling but I have been thinking of all the losses I've had and being without my family members,  friends, and pets.  There is a void for each I've lost.  I haven't fully grieved my losses especially my parents who meant so much to me.  I am allowing myself to just think of them and how much I've missed them.  I can sort this out ok.  I'm a pretty private person these days and deal the best I can.

I'm sorry you've lost so many, too.  This makes life which is hard as we age even more difficult.

I try and soothe my soul with music and movies.  Coming here helps too.


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## Jules (Jul 28, 2022)

Thank you for starting this thread, Ruthanne.  It has been both sad and hopeful.


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## Ruthanne (Jul 28, 2022)

Jules said:


> Thank you for starting this thread, Ruthanne.  It has been both sad and hopeful.


You're welcome.  That's just how life is, a mixture of feelings and experiences.


----------



## katlupe (Jul 29, 2022)

Em in Ohio said:


> When my daughter and I were coming back from dropping off my great-grandkids, I thought about YOU.  We took the scenic route back through Amish country and passed a place with a sign that said "Bunnies for sale."  Your image with your bunny immediately popped into my mind!  I was momentarily tempted, but my dog would turn a sweet household addition into a tragedy, I'm sure.  Still - _your_ presence here has an impact!


Thank you SO much!!!! Means a lot to me to hear you say that.


----------



## Em in Ohio (Jul 29, 2022)

Patricia said:


> I'm assuming you are feeling the normal lonely that people experience. I hope so. Recently I went through the intense version, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. It's not that people weren't around, it's just that I still felt lonely. My daughter had moved, my dad passed away and I was sitting on the couch feeling so blue and decided to go for a drive. I decided I would drive to check on my daughter's empty house, and when I drove down the street I passed where my cousin lived, who passed away, where my brother lived, who passed away, where my parents lived, who passed away, and then where my grandparents lived, who passed away. Awful! The only positive aspect, odd to say, of getting physically sick after that was that the physical pain was so severe that it took my mind off of the emotional aspect for a while. Now that I'm physically better, it's time to finish the process. People help, but nothing replaces family. What a journey. It helps when people share experiences.


This trip seems like mental torture that _I_ could never endure.  It indicates a strength in you that I admire. I still have a difficult time looking at photos of loved family members and pets that have been gone for many decades.


----------



## Em in Ohio (Jul 29, 2022)

Gaer said:


> @Ruthanne,  I'm not going to tell you to get diversions.  Making potholders doesn't take away the hollowness in the heart.
> Don't know about you but I'd love the thrill of a kiss from a real man, the intimacy.  At my age, I guess "romantic love" is
> all over for me and as strong as I try to be, sometimes it gets to me and I succumb to the sadness of being alone.
> I try so hard to not ever feel sad , to be so positive but sometimes it just hurts.  You just have to FEEL THE HURT.
> ...


I think that you inadvertently gave a good clue for those who are seeking a romantic relationship but aren't about to go 'clubbing,' etc.  When I did my own grocery shopping, older gentlemen were constantly trying to strike up conversations!  There and at the hardware stores - two places to "shop" for romance!


----------



## Jules (Jul 29, 2022)

Em in Ohio said:


> I think that you inadvertently gave a good clue for those who are seeking a romantic relationship but aren't about to go 'clubbing,' etc.  When I did my own grocery shopping, older gentlemen were constantly trying to strike up conversations!  There and at the hardware stores - two places to "shop" for romance!


Not so much now, but there sure were lots of friendly gentlemen in these places a few years ago.


----------



## hollydolly (Jul 29, 2022)

Em in Ohio said:


> I think that you inadvertently gave a good clue for those who are seeking a romantic relationship but aren't about to go 'clubbing,' etc.  When I did my own grocery shopping, older gentlemen were constantly trying to strike up conversations!  There and at the hardware stores - two places to "shop" for romance!


Not here..most men my age or older are looking for women much younger...


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## Ruthanne (Jul 29, 2022)

How is everyone doing today or tonight


----------



## MickaC (Jul 29, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> How is everyone doing today or tonight


Doing alright…..the end of this dumb day is coming soon.
How are you doing, Ruthanne.


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## Ruthanne (Jul 29, 2022)

MickaC said:


> Doing alright…..the end of this dumb day is coming soon.
> How are you doing, Ruthanne.


I'm feeling tired but can't sleep  yet.  I'll be up for awhile.  Maybe watch a movie.


----------



## Blessed (Jul 29, 2022)

I have finally pushed thru to try and get back into a normal sleep cycle.  Going to take a muscle relaxer and try to sleep tonight.


----------



## Bella (Jul 29, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> Not here..*most men my age or older are looking for women much younger*...


Bingo! That's what I've found. No matter the men's age, they want younger women. Not all, but most.


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## Chris21E (Jul 29, 2022)

So far ok...did not venture out,


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## Bella (Jul 29, 2022)

Em in Ohio said:


> I think that you inadvertently gave a good clue for those who are seeking a romantic relationship but aren't about to go 'clubbing,' etc.  *When I did my own grocery shopping, older gentlemen were constantly trying to strike up conversations! * There and at the hardware stores - two places to "shop" for romance!


I got hit on in the grocery store a couple of months ago.  He asked me about jam, lol. We chatted for a few minutes and he seemed nice, as much as you can tell in a very brief conversation, but he was considerably older than me and I didn't find him very attractive. He asked me if I was married, and I said, "Yes." It was the easiest and kindest way to fend him off. I could very likely see him again as I regularly shop at that store, and that put a stop to further advances. Of course, if I do run into him again, I'd be cordial and even chat. Even though he was ancient, it's nice to know that I've still got _something_, lol.

Bella


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## Bella (Jul 29, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> *How is everyone doing today or tonight*


Well, I'm still here, so good! 


Ruthanne said:


> *I'm feeling tired but can't sleep  yet.  I'll be up for awhile.  Maybe watch a movie.*


We're still up but sleep will come... when it gets here.


----------



## Patricia (Jul 29, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> I think we all experience grief in our own unique ways.  Everyone's experiences are valid and real and painful. We all deserve acknowledgement that we are valid and so are our life experiences. I didn't actually get into it what I've  been feeling but I have been thinking of all the losses I've had and being without my family members,  friends, and pets.  There is a void for each I've lost.  I haven't fully grieved my losses especially my parents who meant so much to me.  I am allowing myself to just think of them and how much I've missed them.  I can sort this out ok.  I'm a pretty private person these days and deal the best I can.
> 
> I'm sorry you've lost so many, too.  This makes life which is hard as we age even more difficult.
> 
> I try and soothe my soul with music and movies.  Coming here helps too.


Yes, the losses make life harder as we age. I'm trying not to be too needy, but every little bit of TLC helps. Today I had to navigate the real world and take care of responsibilities before the weekend, so I haven't been online too much. I'm so tired. When I sit at the table I can see and type better. When I'm in the recliner sometimes I can't see as well and won't get out to get my glasses, especially if it's unplugged due to weather. I sat at the table thinking that would help, but I'm too tired to think. It's been a long day, but thankful to have accomplished what I set out to do. I'm so glad you shared. I'll write more sometime soon.


----------



## terry123 (Jul 29, 2022)

Bella said:


> Bingo! That's what I've found. No matter the men's age, they want younger women. Not all, but most.


You are right about that.


----------



## sch404 (Jul 29, 2022)

That was me, actually. I'm into Smuckers.


----------



## Pepper (Jul 30, 2022)

Bella said:


> Bingo! That's what I've found. *No matter the men's age, they want younger women*. Not all, but most.


Because they *CAN*!


----------



## RandomName (Jul 30, 2022)

Going to jump in here, while the computer is working right.  Yes, Ruth Anne, I get VERY lonely sometimes. I used to want to be a single guy, and avoid all the drama of a relationship, but I have started talking a lot to a lot of women, and have asked very casually hinted about going out sometime, but haven't had any bites yet.

I had a few women ask me out a year ago, believe it or not, but I said no, due to fear of needing Vxxxxx. Maybe just ride off into the sunset and age gracefully, ha ha. I am 68.

But yeah, I get so lonely I just want to hug any attractive woman I see. And there a lots of 70 something women I I find attractive, by the way. Plus 60 something women, of course.


----------



## RandomName (Jul 30, 2022)

officerripley said:


> It seems to be the same for face-to-face groups. Although there are few of any kind of face2face support groups around here anymore, when there were there were widowhood groups but none for divorcees.



Around here, which is Pa, churches have face to face in person support groups. The latest one I attended was a grief support group when I lost my girl friend a few years ago. 

It's true I haven't noticed any divorce support groups lately, but there was a good one, at my church, many years ago when I divorced. 

I find all these in person groups enormously helpful, mainly just to have some live people to vent to, who get it.


----------



## Ruthanne (Jul 30, 2022)

So what's happening with y'all today?  I'm still trying to wake up.  I am taking muscle relaxers for the pain in my upper arms.  I don't know what's wrong with them.  They are very painful.  Anyways the tablets make me sleepy.

Doggy is cuddling up with me.


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## ohioboy (Jul 30, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Doggy is cuddling up with me.


I'm available!


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## Ruthanne (Jul 30, 2022)

Some music for y'all:


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## Ruthanne (Jul 30, 2022)

For all you lonesome pizza lovers:


----------



## Blessed (Jul 30, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> For all you lonesome pizza lovers:
> 
> View attachment 232068


You are doing it again...I went and checked, you had a avacodo or tuna sandwich and are trying to get us craving pizza!  LOL


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## oldpop (Jul 30, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Some music for y'all:


Great song but the image is what caught my eye.....


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## Ruthanne (Jul 30, 2022)

Blessed said:


> You are doing it again...I went and checked, you had a avacodo or tuna sandwich and are trying to get us craving pizza!  LOL


I had an avocado sandwich and that was my first meal today, my next will be some pizza, are you with me?


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## Judycat (Jul 30, 2022)

Lest I forget.Today I am glad I'm alone. There are two horrible women here in town who phone me occassionally. They are, in reality, manipulating workers of misery. I call them the Daughters of Discord and after using me to talk their nonsense two days in a row, I was hyperventilating all afternoon. I'd rather be lonely than deal with "friends" like that.


----------



## Ruthanne (Jul 30, 2022)

Judycat said:


> Lest I forget.Today I am glad I'm alone. There are two horrible women here in town who phone me occassionally. They are, in reality, manipulating workers of misery. I call them the Daughters of Discord and after using me to talk their nonsense two days in a row, I was hyperventilating all afternoon. I'd rather be lonely than deal with "friends" like that.


I'm glad I'm living alone, too, but do still get lonesome.  Don't you ever?  I guess there are some who never get lonely but I'm not one of them.  

Sounds like a bad experience you had with those 2 ladies.  Whatever did they tell you that got you hyperventilating??


----------



## Blessed (Jul 30, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> I had an avocado sandwich and that was my first meal today, my next will be some pizza, are you with me?


I am with you in spirit,but I have prepped dinner for tonight.  I have been craving a good pizza I will admit. I am happy to here you splurge sometimes LOL


----------



## Judycat (Jul 30, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> I'm glad I'm living alone, too, but do still get lonesome.  Don't you ever?  I guess there are some who never get lonely but I'm not one of them.
> 
> Sounds like a bad experience you had with those 2 ladies.  Whatever did they tell you that got you hyperventilating??


They were trying to dump a problem they created in my lap and wouldn't take no for an answer. My life is full of problems I have to solve on my own and they together couldn't take care of one by themselves. Grow up already. Or go bother someone else. Which they did, but they wound me up good first.


----------



## Ruthanne (Jul 30, 2022)

Blessed said:


> I am with you in spirit,but I have prepped dinner for tonight.  I have been craving a good pizza I will admit. I am happy to here you splurge sometimes LOL


Yes I splurge at times and even a bit too often but then we only live once as far as I know.  Enjoy yourself!


----------



## Jan14 (Jul 30, 2022)

I think we all get lonesome at times.  When I was married I did too.  Maybe lonesome for how life used to be?  I’m a binge watcher Hulu and Netflix.  I try to get out every day since I’m not working at the moment, even to just walk around a store and interact with people.


----------



## Chris21E (Jul 30, 2022)

First, do not look disabled or even act, Likewise. The moment I pull into the disabled spot most do not even look in my direction.

 Guessing a good way to not be hit on, even better, if one uses a scooter.  

A scooter is too heavy for me to lift, so I just suffer, hopefully, l can find a ramp.

Having a hidden disability is my issue. Cannot stand, walk, sit or lift anything.


----------



## Ruthanne (Jul 30, 2022)

Chris21E said:


> First, do not look disabled or even act, Likewise. The moment I pull into the disabled spot most do not even look in my direction.
> 
> Guessing a good way to not be hit on, even better, if one uses a scooter.
> 
> ...


----------



## Blessed (Jul 30, 2022)

Are you okay @Ruthanne?


----------



## senior chef (Jul 31, 2022)

I use to get lonely from time to time, but no longer.  True, I don't have anyone to talk to, and I would like to discuss things occasionally, I don't feel lonely.  
Maybe it's because my interests are very, very rarely the same as others.  Cooking is the love of my life, and, unfortunately, I have yet to encounter a woman who shares that passion.


----------



## Ruthanne (Jul 31, 2022)

senior chef said:


> I use to get lonely from time to time, but no longer.  True, I don't have anyone to talk to, and I would like to discuss things occasionally, I don't feel lonely.
> Maybe it's because my interests are very, very rarely the same as others.  Cooking is the love of my life, and, unfortunately, I have yet to encounter a woman who shares that passion.


Yes, you really do get lonely


----------



## RandomName (Jul 31, 2022)

Anyway, I got a date yesterday!  Woohoo!  I asked out a woman my age that I already know since we go to the same concert place, alone. We are going to see "Elvis". Her son is coming along also, so it's not a 100% date. I offered to buy her ticket, but she refused. Anyway, I am counting it as a date. She is someone I am attracted to emotionally.
The point is, I am "getting out there" as someone here said.

It really is hard "getting out there".  At a concert yesterday a beautiful young woman half my age was making repeated eye contact with me. It stressed me out, lol.  I made eye contact back each time and she smiled at me, but I didn't approach her. I'm wondering what would have happened if I had talked to her.   

To all the lonely people who are "getting out there", I hear you! It's rough. At least it is for me.

Bella, about the "pouncing" dudes, yes, that is a thing. I have seen that happen.

Oh, and about the "hitting on" thing. I love to be hit on by women. It is rare, by the way. The last affair I had was when a cute young blonde started bumping her leg against mine at a picnic table.  If you hit on me you have a good chance of getting the response you want, lol.

I know it's different when men hit on women. It sounds like it could get annoying.

Again, Bella, thanks for reminding me that there are lots of people who are just looking for affection and an emotional connection !


----------



## Bella (Jul 31, 2022)

RandomName said:


> *Anyway, I got a date yesterday!*  Woohoo!  I asked out a woman my age that I already know since we go to the same concert place, alone. We are going to see "Elvis". Her son is coming along also, so it's not a 100% date. I offered to buy her ticket, but she refused. Anyway, I am counting it as a date. She is someone I am attracted to emotionally but not too much sexually.
> The point is, I am "getting out there" as someone here said.
> 
> It really is hard "getting out there".  At a concert yesterday a beautiful young woman half my age was making repeated eye contact with me. It stressed me out, lol.  I made eye contact back each time and she smiled at me, but I didn't approach her. I'm wondering what would have happened if I had talked to her.
> ...


You've got a not-%100 date!  Have a great time! You like this woman but aren't really interested in her romantically. She's bringing her son along, so it sounds like she might also be interested in friendship. That works because it gets you out there to possibly make other connections. Just a thought, is it possible that your emotional attraction could eventually make her more sexually attractive to you? Just tread carefully because she might be romantically interested in you and just being careful at first by bringing her son along. I dunno, just throwing it out there.

It_ is_ hard to "get out there," but while you were "out there" at a concert by yourself, you made repeated eye contact with a young woman you found attractive. You didn't approach her because it stressed you out, and you wonder what would've happened if you had approached her. Here's where it gets tough, Bucko. You'll never know unless you get off the dime and bust a move. That's right, walk on over there and smile, ask her how she liked the concert. Next time, do it! It's scary, yes, but you're a big boy and you want to meet someone. If she backs off, that's OK. If not, chat her up! Nothing ventured, nothing gained. 

The hitting on thing. Yes, I _wish_ an attractive guy my age _would_ hit on me. He'd have a good chance of me hitting him back! 

Bella


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## RandomName (Jul 31, 2022)

Bella said:


> You've got a not-%100 date!  Have a great time! You like this woman but aren't really interested in her romantically. She's bringing her son along, so it sounds like she might also be interested in friendship. That works because it gets you out there to possibly make other connections. Just a thought, is it possible that your emotional attraction could eventually make her more sexually attractive to you? Just tread carefully because she might be romantically interested in you and just being careful at first by bringing her son along. I dunno, just throwing it out there.
> 
> It_ is_ hard to "get out there," but while you were "out there" at a concert by yourself, you made repeated eye contact with a young woman you found attractive. You didn't approach her because it stressed you out, and you wonder what would've happened if you had approached her. Here's where it gets tough, Bucko. You'll never know unless you get off the dime and bust a move. That's right, walk on over there and smile, ask her how she liked the concert. Next time, do it! It's scary, yes, but you're a big boy and you want to meet someone. If she backs off, that's OK. If not, chat her up! Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
> 
> ...



Wow, great to have an experienced female to talk to! 

Hey, I don't know if you mean you would deck the guy who hit on you with a right cross to the jaw, or you would be interested in him, lol. 

About the beautiful young thing at the concert. I was just too scared, frankly. I thought she would see how scared I was, see it in my eyes, hear it in my voice, and get turned off. But, maybe she would be OK with it, and try to get me to relax. You are right, nothing ventured, nothing gained.  I have approached women in the past who scared me, even though I must have looked scared, and I never ended up dating them, for some reason. I end up with the girls I'm not afraid of, even they are less attractive. And that's OK with me. Just the way it is, I guess. 

The woman I'm going out with to Elvis hit on me a couple years ago, at the concert place we go to. I had been undecided about her, but now, in my "getting out there" mode, I decided to "just do it" (there's another cliche for us all). 

Part of my fear of dating and "just do it" is that people have to "reject" other people if it doesn't feel right. I know it's OK to do that, and necessary, but I just don't want to be rejected, or reject someone.  

Yes, I think it's possible I could get romantic with the movie date woman, and it is kind of a worry for me, actually, since it doesn't make sense to me in some way. 

Thanks for the counseling session (Just kidding). The check is in the mail, ha ha.


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## Bella (Jul 31, 2022)

RandomName said:


> Wow, great to have an experienced female to talk to!
> 
> Hey, I don't know if you mean you would deck the guy who hit on you with a right cross to the jaw, or you would be interested in him, lol.
> 
> ...


You're cute, lol. I don't think of it as "counseling", more of a sharing of thoughts, ideas, and experiences. When you're not sure of yourself, it helps to bounce things off of one another. We can let our hair down because we're among friends here. 

As far as being scared to approach someone, I get it. No one wants to be rejected. Being rejected isn't pleasant, and if _you_ have to reject someone, be as kind and gentle as you can be. 

"Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway." - John Wayne 

The woman you're taking to the concert has romantic possibilities, eh? Something interesting that I've found is that people that I haven't been physically or romantically attracted to at first become more attractive as I get to know them. Some have turned out to be downright beautiful.

And no, I wouldn't deck the right guy who hit on me, lol. I'd sock it to him in the best way possible! 

Bella


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## RandomName (Jul 31, 2022)

Bella said:


> You're cute, lol. I don't think of it as "counseling", more of a sharing of thoughts, ideas, and experiences. When you're not sure of yourself, it helps to bounce things off of one another. We can let our hair down because we're among friends here.
> 
> As far as being scared to approach someone, I get it. No one wants to be rejected. Being rejected isn't pleasant, and if _you_ have to reject someone, be as kind and gentle as you can be.
> 
> ...



Well, I went on the date with the woman and her son and saw Elvis. She has deteriorated a lot physically , and maybe mentally too, since I met her 2 years ago. I got the impression from her that she is not interested in being romantic in the future. Maybe she's just not that into me anymore.

We saw the movie, talked about it amongst the three of us for a few minutes afterwards, then went our separate ways. I was sort of a third wheel. 

So I'm going  to move on to other women.


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## Bella (Jul 31, 2022)

RandomName said:


> Well, I went on the date with the woman and her son and saw Elvis. She has deteriorated a lot physically , and maybe mentally too, since I met her 2 years ago. I got the impression from her that she is not interested in being romantic in the future. Maybe she's just not that into me anymore.
> 
> We saw the movie, talked about it amongst the three of us for a few minutes afterwards, then went our separate ways. I was sort of a third wheel.
> 
> So I'm going  to move on to other women.


Thanks for the update @RandomName , I'm sorry it didn't pan out. Don't be too hard on yourself or too down about it. I don't think it was you. She just might not be able to sustain any type of relationship. Who knows what happened to her physically and mentally? It was a bit strange that she wanted to bring her son along. I wonder what that was about.

You're already out of the gate. I have no doubt the more you keep at it, the more confident and better you'll get at it. I have a feeling you'll do just fine in the future. 

Bella


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## Leann (Jul 31, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> Very similar here..... and since husband left a year ago, I'm totally on my own.. living in a semi rural area, there's no clubs to join ... so it's desperately lonely... if it wasn't for everyone on here.. I'd have barely anyone to interact with...


Sorry for what you're going through. And I don't say that lightly. I recall going through many of the same feelings when my ex and I split. You are such a delightful, engaging person whom I am convinced I am somehow related to  because there are so many intersections in our lives. You add so much to this forum. Thank you for that!


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## Leann (Jul 31, 2022)

Geezer Garage said:


> You are not alone Ruthanne, been a bit down in the dumps myself lately. I've been doing fairly well living on my own, but not what I would prefer. If it wasn't for the dog, and this forum, it could get pretty bleak at times. Thanks for the pie.


GG, life changes in a single breath. You never know when someone interesting will come into your life. And I hope it happens for you.


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## Leann (Jul 31, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> First of all Bella..I'm so sorry about the loss of your friend, coming right after the death of your husband as well must have been horrendous for you.. just the deepest heartbreak ever even tho' your friend was platonic, he  saved you from the hell pit of deep depression.. and that loss must have taken your legs from under you.. ... this last year if it hadn't been for some really understanding, loyal and trustworthy friends here behind the scenes .. who just nursed me through month after month..day after day , and some outside therapy for the first time in my life .. I wouldn't have made it through , and that's not being dramatic, I was never in my life at such a low Ebb... . I'm still not right now.. but things will evntually pass.. I just think being alone, is not helping at all...which brings me to..
> 
> your post......*When you tell people you're lonely, it can be difficult for them to relate because they haven't really experienced it in the truest sense. At least that's what I've found. They tell you to "get out." There are plenty of people to meet, "just get out there".*....is exactly word for word what people tell me to do... my daughter is like a broken record saying it... she's just not getting it.. and she doesn't want to hear me saying I'm lonely, because she tells me I should just go out and talk to people.. so I have to pretend everything is ok... ...
> 
> She doesn't realise that alone it's hard to ''meet people''...when I no longer work.. and because my friends were ''our friends'' by and large so their loyalties are split... try and make new friends when one lives rurally.. and there are no clubs to join..( not that I'm a club person) ..but even my own female friends are not as comfortable having me near their husbands without my own being there...like I'd be after theirs???..I wouldn't but ..it just makes everything so much harder to come to terms with living alone..


I hear you, HD. Well-intended advice to "just get out there" doesn't work for everyone. It certainly didn't for me. You do far more than I do to keep busy and remain interesting. When my ex left, I still had work during the day to help stave off loneliness but nights were like one long dark tunnel I had to get through. I'm more of an introvert than extrovert so it was even more of a challenge. You're much more gregarious. I know it's been discussed elsewhere on this board about your moving to a city or to another country and if I recall correctly, you mentioned that options were limited. But I do hope you find the answer that is best for you.


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## FastTrax (Jul 31, 2022)

I thought I was busy until I landed here at "South Shady Pines". Since I no longer drive, Stinky brings Kirin and she drives me around during the weekend since Kirin is suffering from separation anxiety they bed down in one of the  "first night free" studio guest apartments. Pretty active and animated group and a large majority of us are Noo Yawkas and Jerseyites. I already ramped up "Club Noo Yawk" and the club and group meet policy is very liberal but no exclusivity, hard liquor. Just beer, white and red wine. They have an excellent resident support staff addressing "All things senior" especially for married residents who's spouse passes on. Hot miked cameras are everywhere so the safety teams know who's sneaking from apartment to apartment at night. Emergency assist buttons are everywhere and in every room in the apartments. Alert necklaces are free but GPS implants are expensive. I love this place though. It's a laugh riot.


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## RandomName (Aug 3, 2022)

Has anyone here decided not to date, even though you are lonely? 

I, myself, am afraid of getting into a relationship. But I like socializing in groups just fine.

Is it worth being lonely just to avoid all the possible negatives of a relationship? In reality, until recently, that is what I have been doing. Avoiding going out on dates, to avoid the problems.

But as you know if you have been reading here, I've finally been out on two dates. No relationship yet, but that's OK.  I just don't know if I will ever be in another relationship, even short term.     

What about you guys?


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## Bella (Aug 3, 2022)

RandomName said:


> *Has anyone here decided not to date, even though you are lonely?*
> 
> I, myself, am afraid of getting into a relationship. But I like socializing in groups just fine.
> 
> ...


I haven't decided_ not _to date. I need to meet someone and be asked out in order to date. Since the pandemic has been in full swing and even now, I've limited my exposure to others. I'm still not comfortable being with groups of people. That limits the possibilities of meeting someone. If I was OK with groups, I'd be going to the gym, be involved in other activities, and at least have an opportunity to meet people. So, I really haven't had the opportunity to meet anyone new. Hopefully, that won't last forever, and, in the not too distant future, things will change. Most of the people I know already have significant others.

I'd like to meet someone, but I'm not interested in being with just anyone. I don't want to be with just another warm body or a group of bodies. That won't do it for me. It would have to be someone I'm interested in getting to know who's also interested in getting to know me. I'd have to take it from there to see if it was relationship worthy. If you truly don't want to be lonely, you have to be willing to take a risk. How could I possibly know there'd be a problem unless I'm willing to get to know someone and let them know me?

The last thing I want is for a man to ask me out and "date" me, to the point where we really like each other, and then for him to tell me he's not interested in a relationship. Don't bait and switch on me, and don't make_ *any*_ kissy-face romantic moves if you're really not interested. _If you want only friendship _with a woman, be kind and state that right out of the gate so she has no expectations.

It sounds like you want to alleviate your loneliness without getting involved in a relationship. If that's what you want to avoid, perhaps the best thing would be for you to find groups to join with people who have a common interest. You could be involved in activities without becoming involved with anyone in particular. That's the opposite of what I want. I want intimacy. Whether I'll be able to find it this late in life, under the veil of COVID, is the question.

Does that answer _your_ question, @RandomName ?

I wish you luck in finding and getting what you want. 

Bella


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## Packerjohn (Aug 3, 2022)

I am a pretty sociable guy since I have been in the field of education for my working years and you know how teachers love to talk. Hmmmmmm!  Anyway, since my late wife left the planet, I have been living in this awful senior apartment with most folks wearing those terrible masks.  No one to talk to and no one to share laughs with.  So, you wouldn't blame too much if I have a 2nd strong "Captain Morgan" rum, will you?


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## Bella (Aug 3, 2022)

Packerjohn said:


> *I am a pretty sociable guy *since I have been in the field of education for my working years and you know how teachers love to talk. Hmmmmmm!  Anyway, since my late wife left the planet, I have been living in this awful senior apartment with most folks wearing those terrible masks.  *No one to talk to and no one to share laughs with.  So, you wouldn't blame too much if I have a 2nd strong "Captain Morgan" rum, will you?*


Not at all @Packerjohn . May I join you?


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## Ruthanne (Aug 3, 2022)

The answer to being lonely is not always a relationship.  I have my lonesome days but am not always lonely...I find that when I get busy doing some projects I'm fine.   I love to cook for one thing.  It also helps having my pets.  Don't know if I'll ever be in a relationship with the opposite sex again.  It really doesn't appeal to me much anymore.  I'd rather have a nice lady friend to have lunch with at times.

COVID still concerns me too.  Still need to get the second booster but may just wait till autumn since it's close now.


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## Teacher Terry (Aug 4, 2022)

I don’t think I ever want to live with anyone again. I have spent most of my life married but I do miss the companionship. I would love a partner where we each had our own house.


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## RandomName (Aug 4, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> The answer to being lonely is not always a relationship.  I have my lonesome days but am not always lonely...I find that when I get busy doing some projects I'm fine.   I love to cook for one thing.  It also helps having my pets.  Don't know if I'll ever be in a relationship with the opposite sex again.  It really doesn't appeal to me much anymore.  I'd rather have a nice lady friend to have lunch with at times.
> 
> COVID still concerns me too.  Still need to get the second booster but may just wait till autumn since it's close now.



Ruthanne, that's the feeling I get a lot. That half of the women out there only want to be with other women (socially). Sitting around a table at a restaurant, all women. You almost never see guys doing that. 

Not criticizing you women, just noting it. And yes, sometimes I think I should just give up the whole dating thing. Not worth it, lol. 

At church a few weeks ago the lady pastor mentioned that a lot of the women in the congregation had given up on dating, since they feel they will never find the right guy.
It's a thing ! 

What's that Eagles song, "we're all learning to be loners" ?


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## RandomName (Aug 4, 2022)

Bella said:


> Not at all @Packerjohn . May I join you?



I hear you Packerjohn. I am a dude, but I hoist a pint of Lionshead pilsener with you.


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## hollydolly (Aug 4, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> The answer to being lonely is not always a relationship.  I have my lonesome days but am not always lonely...I find that when I get busy doing some projects I'm fine.   I love to cook for one thing.  It also helps having my pets.  Don't know if I'll ever be in a relationship with the opposite sex again.  It really doesn't appeal to me much anymore.  I'd rather have a nice lady friend to have lunch with at times.
> 
> COVID still concerns me too.  Still need to get the second booster but may just wait till autumn since it's close now.


well it's early days for me, he's only been gone a year and we're still married... but eventually when the ties are undone,  I can't see me with another man... maybe casual friendships.. certainly, I've always been a person whose had more male friends than female.. but marriage?.. nope I can't see that in my future..

After I divorced my first husband it sickened me off marriage, and out of all my friends, I stuck to my guns and despite several proposals over the years , was determined not to marry again..

However I gave in 16 years later  and Married my now husband.. , I won't say I should have stuck to my resolve because there's a lot of good in him ..as well as the not so good... but twice bitten?...  time to sit up and pay attention.. so I'll be happy with casual friendships..  male or female...

trouble is these days it's hard to make new friendships.. everything is done online now, like with social media, and online forums...


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## MickaC (Aug 4, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> well it's early days for me, he's only been gone a year and we're still married... but eventually when the ties are undone,  I can't see me with another man... maybe casual friendships.. certainly, I've always been a person whose had more male friends than female.. but marriage?.. nope I can't see that in my future..
> 
> After I divorced my first husband it sickened me off marriage, and out of all my friends, I stuck to my guns and despite several proposals over the years , was determined not to marry again..
> 
> ...


Don’t mean to be nosey, Holly. Are you at all proceeding to a legal separation or divorce. A year without legal papers, can be somewhat stressful.


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## hollydolly (Aug 4, 2022)

MickaC said:


> Don’t mean to be nosey, Holly. Are you at all proceeding to a legal separation or divorce. A year without legal papers, can be somewhat stressful.


No procedure in place yet ...  I'm in a complicated position.. that's all I'm willing to say on an open forum.. ...and yes you're right, it is very stressful... but things will occur when they need to occur, and I'll deal with them then.. no choice tbh


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## MickaC (Aug 4, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> No procedure in place yet ...  I'm in a complicated position.. that's all I'm willing to say on an open forum.. ...and yes you're right, it is very stressful... but things will occur when they need to occur, and I'll deal with them then.. no choice tbh


You know best of your situation…..just always hate seeing a long drawn out battles, where lawyers get rich.


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## RandomName (Aug 4, 2022)

Bella said:


> I haven't decided_ not _to date. I need to meet someone and be asked out in order to date. Since the pandemic has been in full swing and even now, I've limited my exposure to others. I'm still not comfortable being with groups of people. That limits the possibilities of meeting someone. If I was OK with groups, I'd be going to the gym, be involved in other activities, and at least have an opportunity to meet people. So, I really haven't had the opportunity to meet anyone new. Hopefully, that won't last forever, and, in the not too distant future, things will change. Most of the people I know already have significant others.
> 
> I'd like to meet someone, but I'm not interested in being with just anyone. I don't want to be with just another warm body or a group of bodies. That won't do it for me. It would have to be someone I'm interested in getting to know who's also interested in getting to know me. I'd have to take it from there to see if it was relationship worthy. If you truly don't want to be lonely, you have to be willing to take a risk. How could I possibly know there'd be a problem unless I'm willing to get to know someone and let them know me?
> 
> ...



Bella, I've reread your post  a few times. 

I am 'out there' and am not worrying about covid and it still s*cks, lol ! So you're not missing anything.

As far as knowing the score, and not being hurt by a guy, I think most woman know all about my motives and what kind of guy I am, after 60 seconds talking to me. They even know things about me  I don't know, if you know what I mean. They are way ahead of the game in that department.

 I don't want to hurt anyone, but it just happens, sometimes. Like you said, we all have to take a risk.


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## officerripley (Aug 4, 2022)

RandomName said:


> That half of the women out there only want to be with other women (socially). Sitting around a table at a restaurant, all women. You almost never see guys doing that.


True. Maybe because of something I've noticed, both IRL and looking at stuff posted online: when women get older, we seem to be mainly interested in other people, usually family which usually means kids and grandkids,etc, but even women without any family whatsoever want to be somewhere where there is at least socializing if not friendship. What most men seem to want when they get older? Living just like they did when they were 40 (or whatever their favorite age was). So: women get more and more interested in people; men get more and more interested in proving they're still 40.


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## RandomName (Aug 4, 2022)

officerripley said:


> True. Maybe because of something I've noticed, both IRL and looking at stuff posted online: when women get older, we seem to be mainly interested in other people, usually family which usually means kids and grandkids,etc, but even women without any family whatsoever want to be somewhere where there is at least socializing if not friendship. What most men seem to want when they get older? Living just like they did when they were 40 (or whatever their favorite age was). So: women get more and more interested in people; men get more and more interested in proving they're still 40.



OK, I may be trying to prove I can still be 40.  But... 

Today I was out and about socializing at various activities. I had the chance to hit on several women, but did not, for all sorts of good and bad reasons. 

Remembering this thread is about loneliness, not dating, I must say my favorite part of the day was pickleball, when I felt accepted by the other people, part of the group, you're OK, Random, we like you.  I must have a need to be liked by others. I know that's anathema to the self-reliant mantra, but whatever.


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## officerripley (Aug 4, 2022)

RandomName said:


> OK, I may be trying to prove I can still be 40. But...


I should've added "most" men and women. And I do know of one guy who is very interested in being around family, even stepkids/stepgrands. So I should've made it clearer, not all men or women, but it sure has been most in my experience.


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## Right Now (Aug 4, 2022)

Bella said:


> The hitting on thing. Yes, I _wish_ an attractive guy my age _would_ hit on me. He'd have a good chance of me hitting him back!
> 
> Bella


Bella, I agree with you now.  But, for the past ten years, I flirted but immediately made it clear I didn't want to date.  Well, it worked.  Now I've changed my tune.


RandomName said:


> At church a few weeks ago the lady pastor mentioned that a lot of the women in the congregation had given up on dating, since they feel they will never find the right guy.
> It's a thing !


It is the general consensus that the right guy just isn't to be found.  But then, what's the right guy??  I'd like to start with chats, then getting to know them by laughing at their daily antics, sharing tidbits and making fun of my own goofs, and seeing if that makes a stronger connection.  Yep, that sounds like the right attitude for me.  Online or off, in the park or on the threads....


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## Bella (Aug 4, 2022)

There's nothing wrong with being flirty @Right Now. It usually signals you're interested in someone, but I think flirting and then backing off is confusing for the person you're flirting with. That's not meant as criticism, merely an observation. Whether it's online or in person, I hope, since you've changed your mind about dating, you get the opportunity to flirt with someone you'd actually_ like_ to date.

I'm not flirty. I'm fun, friendly, and straight-forward, but I don't flirt. If I did, it would only be directed at a man I was clearly interested in dating because I don't want to attract unwanted advances. In my youth, I often wondered why guys would hit on me when I gave no indication of interest in them other than the fact that I was as friendly to them as I was to others in general. I thought some guys mistook friendliness for interest and read more into it than what was really there because of their own desires.

These days I don't have to worry about any of it, lol! Opportunities to meet people are all but non-existent. I still have a modicum of hope only because I'm not dead yet. Most guys are interested in being with younger women no matter their age, and I no longer fit that bill unless the guy is ancient. There's a razor-slim chance I might meet a man my own age who actually likes women who are my age. Who knows? Stranger things have happened, but I won't be holding my breath. I exhaled a long time ago.

Bella


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## RandomName (Aug 5, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> The answer to being lonely is not always a relationship.  I have my lonesome days but am not always lonely...I find that when I get busy doing some projects I'm fine.   I love to cook for one thing.  It also helps having my pets.  Don't know if I'll ever be in a relationship with the opposite sex again.  It really doesn't appeal to me much anymore.  I'd rather have a nice lady friend to have lunch with at times.
> 
> COVID still concerns me too.  Still need to get the second booster but may just wait till autumn since it's close now.



Don't know why I am mentioning this, but does anyone here pray to God to help them find mr or ms Right?  

I do. I suppose we have to decide on our own, though, to 'act' when He sends the right person our way.

 Thoughts?


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## RandomName (Aug 5, 2022)

Bella said:


> There's nothing wrong with being flirty @Right Now. It usually signals you're interested in someone, but I think flirting and then backing off is confusing for the person you're flirting with. That's not meant as criticism, merely an observation. Whether it's online or in person, I hope, since you've changed your mind about dating, you get the opportunity to flirt with someone you'd actually_ like_ to date.
> 
> I'm not flirty. I'm fun, friendly, and straight-forward, but I don't flirt. If I did, it would only be directed at a man I was clearly interested in dating because I don't want to attract unwanted advances. In my youth, I often wondered why guys would hit on me when I gave no indication of interest in them other than the fact that I was as friendly to them as I was to others in general. I thought some guys mistook friendliness for interest and read more into it than what was really there because of their own desires.
> 
> ...



Bella,  about the age thing. I'm kinky that way, lol. I like women my age or even older. My last girl friend was 11 years older than me and overweight  and thought she was hot as heck. I don't ask why.


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## Bella (Aug 5, 2022)

RandomName said:


> Bella, * about the age thing.* I'm kinky that way, lol.* I like women my age or even older.* My last girl friend was 11 years older than me and overweight  and thought she was hot as heck. I don't ask why.


You, my friend, I believe, are the exception. Thanks for saying that. It gives me hope that there might be another rare bird like you flying around out there in the universe.


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## Blessed (Aug 5, 2022)

Widow here for coming up 12 years, no interest in dating.  I enjoy friends both male and female. Just people to pal around with.  I had my great romance, in my mind you just get that once.  Trust me, when he died, a few of guys we knew kept calling and coming around. Mind you these were the guys who did not hold steady jobs, made no plans for old age, still had nothing after 50.  They somehow thought I was an easy mark.  They were and are still living like their glory days of high school, it is pathetic.


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## RandomName (Aug 11, 2022)

Blessed said:


> Widow here for coming up 12 years, no interest in dating.  I enjoy friends both male and female. Just people to pal around with.  I had my great romance, in my mind you just get that once.  Trust me, when he died, a few of guys we knew kept calling and coming around. Mind you these were the guys who did not hold steady jobs, made no plans for old age, still had nothing after 50.  They somehow thought I was an easy mark.  They were and are still living like their glory days of high school, it is pathetic.



Hi Blessed, I am glad you are succeeding in keeping those guys away. When my girl friend died 5 years ago, a few of her friends suddenly wanted to hang out with me, and I declined, just because I wasn't sure I wanted anything long term with them. I was flattered, though!

I want to chime in on my situation, which is that I am currently counting my blessings, as in not being in a toxic relationship, or an awful marriage. 

I am frustrated though. Not finding my unicorn. I have been asking women out, even women I don't necessarily want to be s#xual with, since I am just so lonely.  So far they are saying no, which might be a blessing in disguise, ha ha. It's starting to feel pointless, and frankly, off the rails a bit. 

I actually wish I didn't have these lonely feelings. Why can't I be happy, like you are, with just friends? 

I have female acquaintances I can talk to at various activities. 

Question for you:  those males and females you pal around with. How did you meet them? 
Nobody at my activities goes out to 'pal around' (as far as I know) but it sounds like the perfect thing for me, maybe. Like a group of males and females going out to a movie, or out to dinner together, without necessarily a s*xual component. There aren't any 'meetup' groups near me.


----------



## officerripley (Aug 11, 2022)

RandomName said:


> There aren't any 'meetup' groups near me.


Very few around here also. Unfortunately, to increase the chances of meeting people, you have to go where the most people are which means moving to a more populated area, in other words, larger cities, which in a lot of cases people just can't afford to do or for some reason hate city living. (Not me, I'd love to have a great apartment or condo in or near a nice big city but that seems to be just me.)


----------



## Blessed (Aug 11, 2022)

RandomName said:


> Hi Blessed, I am glad you are succeeding in keeping those guys away. When my girl friend died 5 years ago, a few of her friends suddenly wanted to hang out with me, and I declined, just because I wasn't sure I wanted anything long term with them. I was flattered, though!
> 
> I want to chime in on my situation, which is that I am currently counting my blessings, as in not being in a toxic relationship, or an awful marriage.
> 
> ...


I was not flattered at all.  I saw what was going on. These fellows knew we had worked out butts off, they just wanted to ride someone else's skirt tales.  What they failed to realize, I did not wear skirts. LOL I was a blue jean wearing, cut the grass, grow vegetables hard working lady. That was in addition to working a full time job and running a house.
My husband was very active in his work at the USPS.  He was an assistant state steward for our region.  He was well loved by his union people.  My husbands best friend had been my friend since second grade. He also worked for the USPS. He was family to us.  This friend was there every step of the way when my husband was sick.  When my husband died the local just stepped up and I was included in lunch and dinners and such with the rest of the group.  This best family friend died of a sudden heart attack when Covid came.  Since april of 2020 I have kind of become a hermit.  

The only thing I can suggest is getting involved at your local senior center.  Ours does all kinds of fun things.  There are the normal, easy exercise classes, people go in to play cards, do puzzles, play dominoes, crafts, play pool, they have dance classes (fun). In the summer we have a pool only available to seniors, you can have lunch and they also have some dinners. They do some bus tour adventures. 

I would also check into your local library, they offer a lot of community activities, book clubs, classes, and entertainment.  A good place to meet others.

I would check out your local community college if you have one, they offer a lot of continuing education programs and much free entertainment and facilities for exercise of all kinds.

The point of this is to meet others, male and female , to become friends with. If you meet a lady, slow your roll and let her determine if it will be something more, don't push.  Any chance you might have will be gone with the wind if you push.  At our age you must really get to know and trust a person for a serious relationship to develop.  I am just speaking from my experience, it is not that I am even considering, I just like to have friends, nothing more.


----------



## officerripley (Aug 11, 2022)

Blessed said:


> I was not flattered at all.  I saw what was going on. These fellows knew we had worked out butts off, they just wanted to ride someone else's skirt tales.  What they failed to realize, I did not wear skirts. LOL I was a blue jean wearing, cut the grass, grow vegetables hard working lady. That was in addition to working a full time job and running a house.
> My husband was very active in his work at the USPS.  He was an assistant state steward for our region.  He was well loved by his union people.  My husbands best friend had been my friend since second grade. He also worked for the USPS. He was family to us.  This friend was there every step of the way when my husband was sick.  When my husband died the local just stepped up and I was included in lunch and dinners and such with the rest of the group.  This best family friend died of a sudden heart attack when Covid came.  Since april of 2020 I have kind of become a hermit.
> 
> The only thing I can suggest is getting involved at your local senior center.  Ours does all kinds of fun things.  There are the normal, easy exercise classes, people go in to play cards, do puzzles, play dominoes, crafts, play pool, they have dance classes (fun). In the summer we have a pool only available to seniors, you can have lunch and they also have some dinners. They do some bus tour adventures.
> ...


Wow, Blessed, the sort-of senior center we have offers nothing like that (only help with probs such as places to live, drives to drs. apptmts. etc., no activities whatsoever). And the local library cut out activities as soon as Covid hit and has only started a few things back up. And what little the local churches and community colleges offered has also been cut way back & shows no signs of coming back (I've checked). IDK, maybe because this is a university town; I know that if you ask any of the brick-and-mortar stores that are still open why they don't carry a particular item, the answer is "the college kids don't buy that."

So sounds like you're lucky to live where you do. It's unfortunate since it's economically (and otherwise) unfeasible for most seniors to move, but to access better (or any!) senior services and have socializing opportunities, you need to move to more populated areas (but not a college/university town!).


----------



## RandomName (Aug 11, 2022)

Blessed said:


> The point of this is to meet others, male and female , to become friends with. If you meet a lady, slow your roll and let her determine if it will be something more, don't push.  Any chance you might have will be gone with the wind if you push.  At our age you must really get to know and trust a person for a serious relationship to develop.  I am just speaking from my experience, it is not that I am even considering, I just like to have friends, nothing more.



Blessed, Thanks for the above advice. It makes sense. My thinking used to be that if you get into the 'friend zone' you will be stuck there forever, but with senior ladies, maybe there is some new logic involved.


----------



## Blessed (Aug 12, 2022)

I hope you do consider it.  I fell in love with a boy at 15 and then married at 20.  We grew up together, made plans for every step to life  together.  Today, in this world, I don't have a great deal of trust in others.  It would take me a long time for me to be comfortable in letting anyone into my life, male or female.  

Too many out there now that just want to take advantage of every situation.  It is a sad thing that we have to do this in our older years. I hope you will be able to meet a nice lady, make friends with a lot of people but always be some what cautious until you really know a person.  I am not talking about weeks or months, sometimes it can be years. Have fun, go places, be social but be aware that even though someone feels like this is a good person they may be only looking to find people they can take advantage of. They always want to come to your house for dinner, they always need a ride somewhere, they always need a small loan for something. They always need someone to help them when they are sick. 

If you don't see that person giving the same to others in need that is a problem. Like the old saying goes, you have to be a friend to have a friend.  It should not be one sided.


----------



## Packerjohn (Aug 12, 2022)

No matter how you cut it people are important to our mental and physical well being.  Look at what happened during that "wonderful" Covid19 epidemic.  The government & healthy officials told us to stay home ASAP.  If we had to buy groceries  we had to wear those "lovely" masks and keep 6 feet apart.  

A lot of people got depressed.  The sale of alcohol increased leaps and bounds, giving more revenue to the government.  Drug use increased too.  So, did family abuse.  More people starred at their computers more and more resulting in all sorts of rip-offs; from bitcoin scams to dating scams.  Domestic violence got a big boost in the ratings as couple were forced to be together 24/7.  The education of our children went down the drain as school boards couldn't figure out what to do.  One week school was opened; the next week the kiddies were doing "computer education" at home.

Many people have written they love to be alone.  Good for them.  I'm a sociable guy and I love talking to people.  Whenever I travel and come home, I often forget the places I saw or the towns I pass through but I remember the people I meet.  Even a little "chit chat" with some trucker or RV tourist at some rest stop gives me cause to remember those people and what they said for years to come.  

I have often read that people in a nice loving relationship tend to live, on the average, longer than solitary beings.  How can you compare sharing a meal and time with a loving spouse with sitting alone all day in front of the telly and watching depressing news, soup operas and the endless, brain burning commercials?


----------



## MarciKS (Aug 12, 2022)

you are so judgmental it just amazes me


----------



## Gaer (Aug 12, 2022)

RandomName said:


> Don't know why I am mentioning this, but does anyone here pray to God to help them find mr or ms Right?
> 
> I do. I suppose we have to decide on our own, though, to 'act' when He sends the right person our way.
> 
> Thoughts?


Yes.


----------



## Gaer (Aug 12, 2022)

kinda given up.
He would have to make the first move, cause I won't.
Do my artwork instead.
SUBLIMATION.


----------



## Ruthanne (Aug 12, 2022)

Gaer said:


> kinda given up.
> He would have to make the first move, cause I won't.
> Do my artwork instead.
> SUBLIMATION.


I hear you.  Me too.  Going to get back into my drawing.


----------



## Gaer (Aug 12, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> I hear you.  Me too.  Going to get back into my drawing.


Ruthanne, Show us your drawings.  Will you?


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## Ruthanne (Aug 12, 2022)

Gaer said:


> Ruthanne, Show us your drawings.  Will you?


I have some abstracts and other stuff.  I'll take pictures and post them asap.


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## Bella (Aug 12, 2022)

Packerjohn said:


> *No matter how you cut it people are important to our mental and physical well being.*
> 
> *Many people have written they love to be alone.  Good for them.*
> 
> *I have often read that people in a nice loving relationship tend to live, on the average, longer than solitary beings.* *How can you compare sharing a meal and time with a loving spouse with sitting alone all day in front of the telly and watching depressing news, soup operas and the endless, brain burning commercials?*


I can't, John. As far as I'm concerned, there's no comparison. Nothing can take the place of the company of a loving spouse or partner. Maybe some people can fill the void with TV, a few friends, children, grandchildren, pets, outings, and other activities, and that's enough for them. Depending on what kind of relationship they had with their spouse, they might prefer not to fill that void with another partner or romantic companion. It could be because they think no one else could possibly "measure up". Or maybe they just don't want that kind of intimate relationship again. Others have no choice but to turn to TV, etc., to fill the void, whether they prefer it that way or not.

Before anyone jumps on me, I'm not saying that someone whose spouse has died didn't have a loving relationship because they prefer to be alone now. I just want to make that clear. People have their own reasons for wanting to remain alone and having to remain alone. For some people, having to remain alone may not really be a choice. They have to fill that void in whatever way they are able to manage it. However they choose to do it, I hope it brings them relief from loneliness.

Bella


----------



## officerripley (Aug 12, 2022)

MarciKS said:


> you are so judgmental it just amazes me


?


----------



## Ruthanne (Aug 12, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> well it's early days for me, he's only been gone a year and we're still married... but eventually when the ties are undone,  I can't see me with another man... maybe casual friendships.. certainly, I've always been a person whose had more male friends than female.. but marriage?.. nope I can't see that in my future..
> 
> After I divorced my first husband it sickened me off marriage, and out of all my friends, I stuck to my guns and despite several proposals over the years , was determined not to marry again..
> 
> ...


It's a real dilemma for many now single people.  You've got plenty of time to decide how and what you want to do.  Be gentle with yourself as you deserve much good care after all you've been through.


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## Ruthanne (Aug 12, 2022)

@hollydolly


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## RandomName (Aug 13, 2022)

Gaer said:


> Yes.


Good to know I am not the only one.


Gaer said:


> Yes.


I am still in the hunt. I keep going to pickleball and discussion  groups. I think I will eventually meet someone who feels 'just right', but the rule seems to be that you have to suffer through many frustrating encounters to get there, lol.


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## Pea (Aug 13, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Ok, even though I prefer right now to live alone with my little pets I get occasions where I feel lonely for some companionship, conversation, interacting.  I want to talk to someone.  Anyone else here feel that way now?


Hi Ruth….feeling same.  Terrible to feel lonely!


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## Packerjohn (Aug 14, 2022)

MarciKS said:


> you are so judgmental it just amazes me


It's great to live in a society where there is still freedom of thought and freedom of speech.  Unfortunately, many people don't like this freedom and prefer to follow the party line of the politically correct.  It's easier than thinking for themselves.  Just follow the leader!

Actually, thinking for yourself, being well informed and time spending socializing with our fellow human beings is a great way to fight dementia and Alzheimer's disease.


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## Teacher Terry (Aug 16, 2022)

Most of my friends aren’t very happy in their marriages. On another forum people were talking honestly and many were only staying together because it would hurt them financially, their social lives were built around being a couple or they were afraid to be alone.

I have been alone for 20 months and although a extrovert I keep busy with family and friends and my dogs. Sometimes when I walk the dogs I end up talking to people which I enjoy. Having a compatible partner is the ideal but I much prefer being alone then in a bad relationship. Also if you find a partner in your senior years you may end up being a caregiver.


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## officerripley (Aug 16, 2022)

Teacher Terry said:


> Most of my friends aren’t very happy in their marriages. On another forum people were talking honestly and many were only staying together because it would hurt them financially, their social lives were built around being a couple or they were afraid to be alone.
> 
> I have been alone for 20 months and although a extrovert I keep busy with family and friends and my dogs. Sometimes when I walk the dogs I end up talking to people which I enjoy. Having a compatible partner is the ideal but I much prefer being alone then in a bad relationship. Also if you find a partner in your senior years you may end up being a caregiver.


This is so true. I can understand though why some people are afraid to be alone (and I've posted about this before): when my first marriage broke up, a long-divorced co-worker warned me that I'd lose all my married friends unless they and I were friends before either one of us got married. I didn't believe her but came to realize she was right. And it doesn't happen to everyone but can, especially in the situation I was in, where the only women I even knew let alone was friends with I only met through my ex because he moved us to a place where he only knew a high school buddy and I knew no one, then I unfortunately only made friends with the wives of his buddies. I can see where especially in a small town sometimes and then too much of the time, people will take sides in a divorce (they will swear up and down they don't but they do).


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## NorthernLight (Aug 16, 2022)

I've spent a lot of time alone, and I've had my heart broken and so on, but I never "felt lonely" until I moved to this town last year. Terrible. With some effort, I did get over the feeling after a few months.

Being in a relationship or marriage has always been a priority for me. Sadly, it never worked out. I was happy and compatible with one man, who died unexpectedly within a year of our meeting. Maybe it really does only happen once in a lifetime -- for some anyway.

Now I have physical problems that basically rule out sex. It might be nice to meet someone in the same boat. But given the unlikelihood of meeting an appropriate person at this stage, I'm working hard to accept being single.


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## RandomName (Aug 16, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> I've spent a lot of time alone, and I've had my heart broken and so on, but I never "felt lonely" until I moved to this town last year. Terrible. With some effort, I did get over the feeling after a few months.
> 
> Being in a relationship or marriage has always been a priority for me. Sadly, it never worked out. I was happy and compatible with one man, who died unexpectedly within a year of our meeting. Maybe it really does only happen once in a lifetime -- for some anyway.
> 
> Now I have physical problems that basically rule out sex. It might be nice to meet someone in the same boat. But given the unlikelihood of meeting an appropriate person at this stage, I'm working hard to accept being single.



Light of the North,   I wouldn't rule out out a happy pairing that doesn't involve sex. I am a 68 year old guy, normal looking, and I would like to fall in love with the right woman, even if sex is not involved.


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## RandomName (Aug 16, 2022)

Ya know, I just came back from a pickleball session of 2 hours, and all the time I was there I was just trying to think of everyone as a friend (as opposed to a possible romantic interest) and it was so freeing. I had a great time.  I actually smiled. No pressure. Maybe I could get used to this.


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## hawkdon (Aug 16, 2022)

I was feeling kinda moody all day, lonesome, bored, restless...then God sent a soul my way that needed some help,
I helped this person freely and happyily and now feel much
better....it always works......


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## RadishRose (Aug 16, 2022)

hawkdon said:


> I was feeling kinda moody all day, lonesome, bored, restless...then God sent a soul my way that needed some help,
> I helped this person freely and happyily and now feel much
> better....it always works......


You're a gem, Hawky!


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## WheatenLover (Aug 17, 2022)

I am married, and I am separated from my husband. I was very lonely when I lived with him. Since I am married, I won't date anyone, no matter what. I don't care what others do in this regard, but for myself, this is the correct choice.

I am not lonely now, compared to that. Participating here has really helped, since I moved to my own place when Covid was rampant, and I'm still very careful so I won't get it.

If I were to find myself officially single, the one thing I know for sure is that I would not marry again. I am not good at picking husbands. Red flags are there, but I don't realize it until it is too late. I don't know that I would ever get used to being married to someone who is a good husband. I don't think that I could trust that they wouldn't change for the worse.

Not that this matters now. I figure the dating pool for women my age is pretty slim. If I were single, and I got lucky and met someone I clicked with, we would become friends. I've always had both male and female friends.


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## BiffH (Aug 17, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Ok, even though I prefer right now to live alone with my little pets I get occasions where I feel lonely for some companionship, conversation, interacting.  I want to talk to someone.  Anyone else here feel that way now?


Yes, all the time. Wish I had a friend online with common interests so we could become friends.


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## BiffH (Aug 17, 2022)

WheatenLover said:


> I am married, and I am separated from my husband. I was very lonely when I lived with him. Since I am married, I won't date anyone, no matter what. I don't care what others do in this regard, but for myself, this is the correct choice.
> 
> I am not lonely now, compared to that. Participating here has really helped, since I moved to my own place when Covid was rampant, and I'm still very careful so I won't get it.
> 
> ...


I know what you mean and are going through. I had and have a similar experience(s.). Have a wire that stopped caring and now I’m stuck.


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## WheatenLover (Aug 17, 2022)

BiffH said:


> I know what you mean and are going through. I had and have a similar experience(s.). Have a wire that stopped caring and now I’m stuck.


That's a shame. I do not feel stuck, though. Man, that would not be a good feeling.


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## BiffH (Aug 17, 2022)

WheatenLover said:


> That's a shame. I do not feel stuck, though. Man, that would not be a good feeling.


Thanks you your reply. You are right, it’s a horrible feeling. Being so lonely and longing for a nice woman to talk with is tearing me up inside.


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## WheatenLover (Aug 17, 2022)

BiffH said:


> Thanks you your reply. You are right, it’s a horrible feeling. Being so lonely and longing for a nice woman to talk with is tearing me up inside.


Stick around here; it will help the loneliness, although we do not provide women.


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## hollydolly (Aug 17, 2022)

BiffH said:


> Yes, all the time. Wish I had a friend online with common interests so we could become friends.


Well you've found a lot of friends here now...


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## PamfromTx (Aug 17, 2022)

I was missing one of my nephews but did not want to call and/or text him because he just started college.  I've been a spastic mother hen since the day my oldest sister gave birth to her first child.  

I just feel like I didn't spend enough time with him and now he's gone off to college.

I'm sorry, but I miss him.  Oh, I did text him and he texted back; said he loves it there!    I'm smiling now.


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## officerripley (Aug 17, 2022)

PamfromTx said:


> I was missing one of my nephews but did not want to call and/or text him because he just started college.  I've been a spastic mother hen since the day one sister had her first child.
> 
> I just feel like I didn't spend enough time with him and now he's gone off to college.
> 
> I'm sorry, but I miss him.  Oh, I did text him and he texted back; said he loves it there!    I'm smiling now.View attachment 234882


Wow, handsome!


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## MrPants (Aug 17, 2022)

What a wonderful, exciting time in a child's life - going off to college. It's life changing in more ways than one! I'm sure you're super excited for him @PamfromTx


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## PamfromTx (Aug 17, 2022)

MrPants said:


> What a wonderful, exciting time in a child's life - going off to college. It's life changing in more ways than one! I'm sure you're super excited for him @PamfromTx


I want all of our chicks under one roof.   His brother will attend college in Corpus Christi.  He'll be closer to us and Spastic Hen (Pam) will be spending lots of time in Corpus.   LOL


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## PamfromTx (Aug 17, 2022)




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## PamfromTx (Aug 17, 2022)

MrPants said:


> What a wonderful, exciting time in a child's life - going off to college. It's life changing in more ways than one! I'm sure you're super excited for him @PamfromTx


Yes, it is an exciting time in his life.  He's been anxious to start a new chapter in his life.  He worked his b*tt off his senior year in high school.

Thank you for your kind remark. @MrPants


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## ohioboy (Aug 17, 2022)

WheatenLover said:


> Stick around here; it will help the loneliness, although we do not provide women.


Party pooper!


----------



## Millyd (Aug 18, 2022)

I’ve never married or ever lived with my long term partner due to long standing trust issues .

I had strong views about cheating , back in my 20’s ….however when I least expected it I was cheated on …..they even had a “ Love child” I had no idea  of  any infidelity.


*Copied from link below 

Blind-siding your partner by leaving out of the blue and without explanation.? *

One day you’re fine, the next day your partner is packing their bags and walking out the door never to return again.

This person has been living a secret life in their head and perhaps even in their day-to-day real life - unbeknown to you

They’ve been “done” long before walking out the door,    and they don’t want to talk about the emotions of the situation because they’ve already moved on from it and processed it.

Men and women who are broken up with in this way often are left feeling very abandoned and when they look back on their relationship realise that they …weren’t in  what they thought they were.

It can be truly devastating for the one left behind.

https://apple.news/Am3akk2RnR0mwdhWojZhmUQ


----------



## Millyd (Aug 18, 2022)

Was your husbands new interest ….known to you @hollydolly

Tell me so …..if  I’m over stepping the boundaries asking personal questions


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## Ruthanne (Aug 22, 2022)

dutolsk said:


> yessure hi there i feelthat way some times hi ruthanne


Hi.  How are you doing today


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## MarciKS (Aug 22, 2022)

the better question is how is @Ruthanne  today? you doing alright lady?


----------



## RandomName (Aug 27, 2022)

Hi Guys. Just chiming in with a good thing that happened today. I went to Pickleball, and only one other player was there, a 50 something female.  We chatted a bit while waiting for other players to show up. No one did.

So I told her I would be in the workout room, and if enough players showed up, to come and get me.

Well, she did something better than that!  She came and took me out of the workout room, to have a one on one Pickleball practice session with her! 

Woohoo! She initiated !! 

So I volleyed with her on an empty court for an hour.

She's married so there's no romance going to happen, but it felt really good to play with her.

Just wanted to add a bit of good news. 

Carry on.


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## Ruthanne (Aug 27, 2022)

MarciKS said:


> the better question is how is @Ruthanne  today? you doing alright lady?


Thanks for asking.  I'm fine today,. How are you Marci?


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## MarciKS (Aug 27, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Thanks for asking.  I'm fine today,. How are you Marci?


i'm ok. just got back from shopping and kinda takin it easy. debating on what to eat. i need to rinse out some delicates and hang them to dry. gonna play some video games soon too i think.


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## Ruthanne (Aug 27, 2022)

MarciKS said:


> i'm ok. just got back from shopping and kinda takin it easy. debating on what to eat. i need to rinse out some delicates and hang them to dry. gonna play some video games soon too i think.


I've been doing the same-taking it easy and trying to see what I want to eat tonight.  Have fun with those video games!


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## boliverchadsworth (Oct 11, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Ok, even though I prefer right now to live alone with my little pets I get occasions where I feel lonely for some companionship, conversation, interacting.  I want to talk to someone.  Anyone else here feel that way now?


there is some relief for that in and with webcam visits


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## Alizerine (Oct 11, 2022)

I don't have any advice tonight. Just found enough connection by dropping in that I can now go off and call it a day.


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## RandomName (Oct 12, 2022)

Alizerine said:


> I don't have any advice tonight. Just found enough connection by dropping in that I can now go off and call it a day.



Good to have a balance between being alone and having someone to be with.

I have two new girl friends I go out with now, and frankly, sometimes I just want to be alone, anyway, ha ha. And they are both nice, but, you know...

I call it 'cave time'.


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## TheOtherRick (Oct 12, 2022)

For me Sunday afternoons are the worst time, that's when I get thinking there's probably someone else feeling the same way and we just can't connect.


----------



## Been There (Oct 12, 2022)

I haven’t been back home in years. All the relatives that I have live in NE Ohio, but they never contact me and I have decided to do the same. My only relative that I have a relationship with is a cousin. She has become my liaison between myself and my relatives.

I have tracked down a couple of old high school buddies and try to have conversations with them that begin with “Remember when……..,” but none of the 3 that I have contacted seem to want to discuss the events that happened back in our school days.

I guess it was 2 weeks ago, that I was able to find one of the girls I dated in high school (maybe twice) and I sent her a message through Facebook asking her how she was doing and just making small talk. A day or 2 later, I received a message on Facebook from her husband demanding that I stop harassing her and not to contact her anymore. I thought “you gotta’ be kidding. I sent her one message just to touch base and maybe to start a conversation, but then this guy wants to make some kind of big deal out of it.” So I thought “ok”, I won’t bother her anymore. I guess some people prefer to be left alone.


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## Pepper (Oct 12, 2022)

You're calling people to talk 40 years later?  You are strangers now @Been There


----------



## NorthernLight (Oct 12, 2022)

I've spent a lot of time alone, had my heart broken, etc., but I never knew what loneliness was until last winter. Really terrible.

I had occasion to think about this recently, when I refused an invitation to Canadian Thanksgiving. "Getting out there" to such events doesn't help at all. You're there, the big personalities dominate, and then you go home.

After a few months, I stopped "feeling" lonely. Maybe when I changed my expectations, e.g., feeling surprised and victimized because there was no one to talk to. Now I know there's no one to talk to, so at least I'm not surprised.

I have projects and so on that fill my days. It helps somewhat. 

Personally, I have found that TV and movies mess me up and even cause sleep disturbances. I do watch sometimes though.

I know it's very unhealthy to be as isolated as I am, but hey, nothing's perfect.


----------



## Been There (Oct 12, 2022)

Pepper said:


> You're calling people to talk 40 years later?  You are strangers now @Been There


Well, let’s put it this way. I was looking through classmates.com and this picture popped up, which I recognized as a friend from high school that I dated a few times, so I thought I would surprise her and ask how she was doing and what she has been up to since 1979. Every so often I receive a message from a former classmate, but I will admit that it’s probably been maybe 10 years since the last message. It’s called filling time while being bored.

I have a lot of friends from the military and here where I live, but none from when I went to school. I like to reflect back occasionally, but then I realize that I have no one to reflect back with.


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## Pinky (Oct 12, 2022)

Been There said:


> Well, let’s put it this way. I was looking through classmates.com and this picture popped up, which I recognized as a friend from high school that I dated a few times, so I thought I would surprise her and ask how she was doing and what she has been up to since 1979. Every so often I receive a message from a former classmate, but I will admit that it’s probably been maybe 10 years since the last message. It’s called filling time while being bored.
> 
> I have a lot of friends from the military and here where I live, but none from when I went to school. I like to reflect back occasionally, but then I realize that I have no one to reflect back with.


I've also looked for classmates from high school (guys and gals). Have not been successful though


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## NorthernLight (Oct 12, 2022)

I signed up for the free version of classmates.com, which is useless. I'm sure the paid version is much better, but I'm not motivated enough to pay.

But I guess it's nice for lots of people. It gives you "something in common," and a reason for contacting someone.

My sister lives close enough to our old home town that she goes to the school reunions, neighborhood reunions, etc. She loves that kind of thing.

More than 40 years ago, an acquaintance had a ball game in that town, and I went with him out of curiosity. I saw that many of my former classmates had married each other and settled there. I thought it was really weird, as my life had taken a different direction. (I didn't actually talk to any of those people!)


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## officerripley (Oct 13, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> "Getting out there" to such events doesn't help at all. You're there, the big personalities dominate, and then you go home.


I agree; also, I usually get asked by women at those kind of gatherings how many kids and grandkids I have and when I respond "none", their faces fall (or scowl--seriously) and they literally turn away or even turn their backs to me. Better to stay home.


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## Lewkat (Oct 13, 2022)

When that very rare moment hits me, I jump on the computer and visit this forum.  It's enough to cure anyone of lonliness.


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## Remy (Oct 13, 2022)

@NorthernLight I sure hear you. I'm not for any event. I'd never go. I'd feel completely out of place and more isolated than when I'm alone. Not that anyone is inviting me. 

Lots of people at work don't even say hello if I don't say so first. But I see them out smoking with all their buddies and their mouths never stop.


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## Remy (Oct 13, 2022)

officerripley said:


> I agree; also, I usually get asked by women at those kind of gatherings how many kids and grandkids I have and when I respond "none", their faces fall (or scowl--seriously) and they literally turn away or even turn their backs to me. Better to stay home.


You're a bit of an anomaly if you don't have kids and if like me, never got married. I've had all kinds of assumptions made about me by people. Rarely am I ever asked a reason. And I've got one.


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## Pepper (Oct 14, 2022)

Remy said:


> @NorthernLight I sure hear you. I'm not for any event. I'd never go. I'd feel completely out of place and more isolated than when I'm alone. Not that anyone is inviting me.
> 
> Lots of people at work don't even say hello if I don't say so first. But *I see them out smoking with all their buddies* and their mouths never stop.


Smokers have a bond.


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## RandomName (Oct 14, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> I've spent a lot of time alone, had my heart broken, etc., but I never knew what loneliness was until last winter. Really terrible.
> 
> I had occasion to think about this recently, when I refused an invitation to Canadian Thanksgiving. "Getting out there" to such events doesn't help at all. You're there, the big personalities dominate, and then you go home.
> 
> ...



Hi Northern!  I see you are soldiering on. Glad to hear you are currently not feeling that desperate loneliness. I was feeling 'victimized', as you call it, too.  I was like ' G D, people, notice me! I am a human and need love, too!' And everyone just ignores you, lol.

Anyway, I finally got some women to 'notice me', by (gasp) asking them out. (very scary for me). They said yes. I now have two women I see, and am thinking of asking a third one out.

I am not lonely any more !  I am infatuated with one of them, and not the other one. I am 'just friends' with both of them, and all I get is a kiss at the end of each date. But since I am not sure I even want the relationships to get s*xual, that's OK.

OK, I could go on and on, but I don't want to bore people to tears with my soap opera.

By the way, I met both of these nice ladies at my weekly social events, so who knows, Northern, you might meet a nice guy at some event like that. A lot of us guys are very shy, but if you approach us calmly, and quietly, we will be flattered, and will be happy to talk to you.


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## NorthernLight (Oct 14, 2022)

Good for you, @RandomName . 

A "relationship" was always top priority for me, but now I think friendship would be okay. I have a few male friends -- mostly younger and long distance. It's nice to have some of the good aspects of closeness, while avoiding the various frustrations of intimacy.

I have a friend who was a competitive dancer. She said, "You never, ever sleep with your dance partner. Because then you fight."

My new senior neighbor seems like an amazing person, but maybe friendship is best. I've already learned that becoming involved with someone who lives nearby can be a mistake.


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## RandomName (Oct 18, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> Good for you, @RandomName .
> 
> A "relationship" was always top priority for me, but now I think friendship would be okay. I have a few male friends -- mostly younger and long distance. It's nice to have some of the good aspects of closeness, while avoiding the various frustrations of intimacy.
> 
> ...



 I have held myself back from pursuing things with my cute single female neighbor out of similar concerns. 

Are you now friends with your new senior neighbor, Northern ?


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## Robert59 (Oct 18, 2022)

Had a lady on Facebook contact me about a date today but I'm not looking for now.


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## NorthernLight (Oct 18, 2022)

RandomName said:


> I have held myself back from pursuing things with my cute single female neighbor out of similar concerns.
> 
> Are you now friends with your new senior neighbor, Northern ?


No. About a week ago I saw him from the balcony and asked if I could drop by. Mostly I wanted to ask how he was settling in, and whether he needed anything. We chatted for about an hour.

Other than that, no. I'm sure he has his own concerns, his own reasons for being here. He mentioned a former marriage a couple of times. Maybe it's very recent. I don't know.


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## dseag2 (Oct 18, 2022)

Been There said:


> Well, let’s put it this way. I was looking through classmates.com and this picture popped up, which I recognized as a friend from high school that I dated a few times, so I thought I would surprise her and ask how she was doing and what she has been up to since 1979. Every so often I receive a message from a former classmate, but I will admit that it’s probably been maybe 10 years since the last message. It’s called filling time while being bored.
> 
> I have a lot of friends from the military and here where I live, but none from when I went to school. I like to reflect back occasionally, but then I realize that I have no one to reflect back with.


I have a girlfriend from high school that I keep in touch with.  We attended our 20-year reunion together in the 90's, even though I've had a male partner since 1991.  We've kept in touch since Facebook was invented, and I occasionally send her old songs from the time we dated.  We were together for 3 years, and she was my first true love.  She is happily married, but I'm not a threat to her husband.  

I've since reached out to a couple of other close friends from high school and have had very positive interactions with them.  It is interesting to see how our lives have unfolded.  

I'm sorry you had such a negative experience when you reached out to a former high school friend.  Her husband must be very insecure.


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## dseag2 (Oct 18, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> I signed up for the free version of classmates.com, which is useless. I'm sure the paid version is much better, but I'm not motivated enough to pay.
> 
> But I guess it's nice for lots of people. It gives you "something in common," and a reason for contacting someone.
> 
> ...


Many of my classmates also married right out of high school and all but one couple that I can think of are now divorced.  They also stayed in my home town, while I moved to pursue my career and a more full life.  I can really relate to what you are saying.


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## RandomName (Oct 19, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> No. About a week ago I saw him from the balcony and asked if I could drop by. Mostly I wanted to ask how he was settling in, and whether he needed anything. We chatted for about an hour.
> 
> Other than that, no. I'm sure he has his own concerns, his own reasons for being here. He mentioned a former marriage a couple of times. Maybe it's very recent. I don't know.



Wow, an hour is a long time. Sounds like you guys are getting off to a good start at being good neighbors.  Congratulations on being brave and talking to him. I say brave because I would have to be brave to do the same thing, lol.


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## Alizerine (Oct 19, 2022)

Been There said:


> I haven’t been back home in years. All the relatives that I have live in NE Ohio, but they never contact me and I have decided to do the same. My only relative that I have a relationship with is a cousin. She has become my liaison between myself and my relatives.
> 
> I have tracked down a couple of old high school buddies and try to have conversations with them that begin with “Remember when……..,” but none of the 3 that I have contacted seem to want to discuss the events that happened back in our school days.
> 
> I guess it was 2 weeks ago, that I was able to find one of the girls I dated in high school (maybe twice) and I sent her a message through Facebook asking her how she was doing and just making small talk. A day or 2 later, I received a message on Facebook from her husband demanding that I stop harassing her and not to contact her anymore. I thought “you gotta’ be kidding. I sent her one message just to touch base and maybe to start a conversation, but then this guy wants to make some kind of big deal out of it.” So I thought “ok”, I won’t bother her anymore. I guess some people prefer to be left alone.


Take it as a compliment. She must have hinted to her husband that you were someone worth worrying about.


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## Alizerine (Oct 19, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> I've spent a lot of time alone, had my heart broken, etc., but I never knew what loneliness was until last winter. Really terrible.
> 
> I had occasion to think about this recently, when I refused an invitation to Canadian Thanksgiving. "Getting out there" to such events doesn't help at all. You're there, the big personalities dominate, and then you go home.
> 
> ...


When you work or go to school or participate in community projects it is easy to meet someone. It's a gradual observation of traits and humor and common interests. When you walk into a room of strangers you might feel like a jerk and you might look like one too. I guess a glass of wine could help.


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## NorthernLight (Oct 19, 2022)

Alizerine said:


> When you work or go to school or participate in community projects it is easy to meet someone. It's a gradual observation of traits and humor and common interests. When you walk into a room of strangers you might feel like a jerk and you might look like one too. I guess a glass of wine could help.


Well, there's my problem -- I don't drink! Actually, one of the things I like about the neighbor's dinners is that there's little or no alcohol.

Anyway, yes. I don't work or go to school, but I'm gradually getting to know various people. Just a bit. "Hi" can become a longer conversation after the third or fourth time. 

And I had a nice long chat in the grocery store with a lady I met at the neighbor's dinners.

I'm beginning to accept that this is my life now. Shooting the breeze in a friendly way every now and then. I no longer expect to have real friends or anyone close.


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## palides2021 (Oct 19, 2022)

dseag2 said:


> I have a girlfriend from high school that I keep in touch with.  We attended our 20-year reunion together in the 90's, even though I've had a male partner since 1991.  We've kept in touch since Facebook was invented, and I occasionally send her old songs from the time we dated.  We were together for 3 years, and she was my first true love.  She is happily married, but I'm not a threat to her husband.
> 
> I've since reached out to a couple of other close friends from high school and have had very positive interactions with them.  It is interesting to see how our lives have unfolded.
> 
> I'm sorry you had such a negative experience when you reached out to a former high school friend.  Her husband must be very insecure.


I have been in touch with friends from way back. Not from high school but from college and later. They seem to find me or I find them (mostly women). One of my college friends had moved to Greece with her husband and a few years ago, she reached out to me through FB. I visited her in Greece when I was visiting family there. It was fun reminiscing and sharing our news. Now we stay in contact. Two other old friends have been maintaining contact, emailing me their news also. Sometimes we talk on the phone - at least an hour - lol. Then, there's the family (I have several sisters) so we maintain contact, too. Haven't had much luck with men, though. I get the impression they don't like to talk on the phone a lot. Maybe I ask too many questions.


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## officerripley (Oct 19, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> I'm beginning to accept that this is my life now. Shooting the breeze in a friendly way every now and then. I no longer expect to have real friends or anyone close.


Same here. Even if I could convince my Huzz to move somewhere to where there were other people, even a "light" friendship probably wouldn't be in the cards for me.


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## Ruthanne (Oct 20, 2022)

Lonesome yes but definitely not desperate.  I'll still take my time getting to know someone interesting.  I don't want to be taken advantage of.


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## Alizerine (Oct 20, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> Well, there's my problem -- I don't drink! Actually, one of the things I like about the neighbor's dinners is that there's little or no alcohol.
> 
> Anyway, yes. I don't work or go to school, but I'm gradually getting to know various people. Just a bit. "Hi" can become a longer conversation after the third or fourth time.
> 
> ...


It seems to me that you would make a good friend. You tell it like it is and you don't have unreasonable expectations.


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## Lewkat (Oct 20, 2022)

Alizerine said:


> It seems to me that you would make a good friend. You tell it like it is and you don't have unreasonable expectations.


I, for one, have never considered someone who doesn't drink, as having a problem at all.  However,...................................those who do, especially in excess, watch out!


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## Lewkat (Oct 20, 2022)

This Senior Living facility I live in consist of many apartments.  Some of the residents are in need of assistance with various problems others of us take for granted.  There are a few who have had strokes and need help in one area or another, as do a couple of Parkinson's sufferers.  

Most of us are in our late 80's through early 100's.  

One of the newer residents, who is my age and suffered a stroke a couple of years ago, invited me to his apartment today to check out his CD movies.  He has a collection of over 400.  I thought, well, this is a new take on looking at a guy's etchings, but off I went.  He has a fabulous selection and offered to let me take what I wanted to view.  We had a wonderful chat, and he told me he had been married 3 times.  He lost his last and true love of his life to lung cancer.  She just wouldn't stop smoking.  He got all choked up and I felt really terrible for him.  I told him it was heart warming to hear a man speak so well and lovingly of his wife, as some of these guys here are far less complimentary about their late wives.  

There are a ton of pictures of his family throughout the apartment, and one was of him with a tall, dark and extremely handsome young man.  I asked him if it was his son.  It is, from his first wife.  My waxing so enthusiastically about how good looking the fellow is made him laugh, saying, "ha, you've got the hots for my kid."  We both chortled over that one, and I replied, "Jeff, I may be old, but I'm not dead."  

All in all, it was a pleasant visit and I came home with 4 movies.  For now.


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## Robert59 (Oct 22, 2022)

My aunt has called me to move where she is Deer Lake Retirement Community but problem is the place is $200,000 to buy. I hate to pay that much for a one bedroom appartment. 


https://www.tnbaptisthomes.org/deer-lake-retirement-community-c222z​


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## officerripley (Oct 22, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> My aunt has called me to move where she is Deer Lake Retirement Community but problem is the place is $200,000 to buy. I hate to pay that much for a one bedroom appartment.
> 
> 
> https://www.tnbaptisthomes.org/deer-lake-retirement-community-c222z​


That's close to what one-bedroom condo's (or co-op aparments) cost around here (and that's not even "senior" condos so no services are included). There are some seniors only mobile home parks but none of the senior apartment buildings offer units for sale; they're rent only.


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## Jace (Oct 22, 2022)

Eremophobia.... that's what it's called...that _some have... _

Fear of *Solitude!*


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## boliverchadsworth (Oct 22, 2022)

seems to me, the connection we may feel for old loves lovers friends acquintances....is strickly one way....---.I suppose we (I) am alone...is the catalyst.it is strickly a one way vibe ..me for them -truth is they wouldnt spit in my face if my head was on fire.....or anyone else, I assume......I am alone but not hearless as these folks seem to be.....so who is better off.?? as usual ...me/..I figure it is gods/universes way of keeping aholes out of my life and future...thank you god/universe


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## boliverchadsworth (Nov 23, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Ok, even though I prefer right now to live alone with my little pets I get occasions where I feel lonely for some companionship, conversation, interacting.  I want to talk to someone.  Anyone else here feel that way now?


the odd thing is, if you offer to webcam visit with someone they act like you are going to kidnap thier kids dogs relatives and hold them for ransome or worse....  go figure?
 I will bet I could send a webcam link and you would decline --if not I will send it.


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## NorthernLight (Nov 23, 2022)

I don't do video chats because my Internet plan is limited. 

For some reason, I do see warnings about such things. I'm not sure why it's supposed to be so terrible.


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## Judycat (Nov 24, 2022)

boliverchadsworth said:


> seems to me, the connection we may feel for old loves lovers friends acquintances....is strickly one way....---.I suppose we (I) am alone...is the catalyst.it is strickly a one way vibe ..me for them -truth is they wouldnt spit in my face if my head was on fire.....or anyone else, I assume......I am alone but not hearless as these folks seem to be.....so who is better off.?? as usual ...me/..I figure it is gods/universes way of keeping aholes out of my life and future...thank you god/universe


So sorry. I feel that way too. I always initiate the conversation but it tends to be a short back and forth with the other person hardly trying. Too much work.

I'm spending Thanksgiving alone today. Miss the old days having turkey, stuffing, gravy with my family. I know I'm not the only one, so there's that. Stupid sappy ads on TV are what really get to me. I wish they'd give it a rest already. Here's a hug.


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## Supernatural (Dec 1, 2022)

Oh yes, there's days where I do feel lonely! However, my darling in the last year's he worked, was on contracts. It meant that wherever we moved, set-up home for us and munchkins, the company would move him further afield. Results, munchkins and I were months on end by ourselves. That was difficult enough to go through but it affected our kids more so.

I kept busy with organising the same over and again. Packing, unpacking boxes, setting up furniture, arranging installation, the whole lot. Not everything worked out all the time, lol, so it kept me, daughter and son occupied. When schooling became a problem, I took over their education. To this day, daughter says those were the best times and both went to College. I'm a proud Mum.

So, hubby died just over 6 months ago. The worst was arranging his funeral as it had been just over 5 years we had arranged a funeral for our son. That's where I felt the loneliest. Finally end of May, that took place. Due to Pandemic, there was only 7 people present, I felt hubby would feel lonely at that time.

These months since, it was tackling the changes of names and account holders. I'd say that was 75% successful. There's remnants of nightmares but it's ongoing and looks promising. So, the bills are direct debits, I just update my account once a month.

Now, I do keep busy, so does daughter. We work together in her Avon customers every two weeks. I've cleaned out the stuff that we'd meant to recycle after our latest house move. The hardest was packing all hubby's belongings but we got through it. Pandemic troubles again, many charity shops no longer have drivers for pickups. Thankfully, we found a good Samaritan at the Sally Ann. 

At the end of the day, waiting for posts to come (postal strikes ongoing), emails unanswered, phone calls not returned, yadiyada... Not having hubby to discuss things is where I feel the worst. At my age and after having a good marriage for 36 years, I'm in no hurry to date again.

 I just enjoy a daily convo with good friends. Thankfully, found this in this forum.  I want to give myself a year and see how I'll feel then. I'm not one who went to bars, hubby and I worked a lot, overtime, name it we accepted the extra hours. It meant that when we were home together, we really appreciated our time. Films' always a huge love, so weekend evenings were spent in front of the box and the emergence of the VHS Tapes. That was fun!

It's really the little things such as planning the weekly shop and the meals, discussing the daily news, wondering if and when the outside wall is going to be fixed. Going to bed at night, wishing that when you wake up tomorrow, the last 6 months were just a nightmare...

Doctors offering pills, I declined... I bought the best medicine money can buy, a new kitten! Taking care of him and receiving his love and purrs is therapy at its best. Below is our loving CoffeeBean. Blessed be!


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## AprilSun (Dec 1, 2022)

Supernatural said:


> Oh yes, there's days where I do feel lonely! However, my darling in the last year's he worked, was on contracts. It meant that wherever we moved, set-up home for us and munchkins, the company would move him further afield. Results, munchkins and I were months on end by ourselves. That was difficult enough to go through but it affected our kids more so.
> 
> I kept busy with organising the same over and again. Packing, unpacking boxes, setting up furniture, arranging installation, the whole lot. Not everything worked out all the time, lol, so it kept me, daughter and son occupied. When schooling became a problem, I took over their education. To this day, daughter says those were the best times and both went to College. I'm a proud Mum.
> 
> ...


This kitten will help you so much. I had a cat when my husband passed away, and she helped me through it so much.


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