# A modern take on romance, (far from anything I recognise)



## grahamg (Jul 6, 2020)

I read a newspaper article at the weekend where a young woman described her experiences in the dating scene of today, under the title "Love Many".

All kinds of things were brought to mind, and I think you'd have to say some of it was written to titillate. The messages sent out, even in fiction writing, as to what someone should expect, or how they think they should behave does open your eyes, (my mum wouldn't have been happy anyway, nor my dear friend I called my second mum, who said you only ever truly love once in your life!):

Here is a short extract:
That November I had pressed against the deadweight of depression – of a broken heart, the post-broken-heart universe, ringing tepidly with rain – and downloaded Tinder. I went on a date with an American who said, I could put my hands around your waist, and then, when the wine list came, pointed at the wine list and squeaked, halfsies? I went on a date with a man from Cork who had lived in Boston for one year and acquired an accent so accurate and bulletproof I could not believe he was really from Cork. This man also had a low lisp, which made much of what he said sound malevolent and sexually exciting. He rented an extraordinary apartment near the Peppercanister church, a section of converted townhouse with a ceiling that stood on columns of yellow plaster, scrunching at the centre to a vortex of snowy garlands: the sash window opened onto the fire escape and the Boston-Corkonian sat in a chair, smoking out of the window, holding forth. By two in the morning I felt exhausted and deranged by his strange monologues. I lay on my face and proceeded, for the rest of the night, to play dead."

Break
 "And then I went on date with Timothy."
 Break
"I will tell you what I'm going this weekend, he said looking about, but you might think it strange (he said). Go ahead, (she said). I'm going to a farmhouse, in the back of beyond, to take some psychedelics, as part of a ceremony." "That, (she said), is the coolest thing I've ever heard"
Break
"(He said), And frankly I just want to, you know, get a cab to my place with you. Would you like to come? Break, "Yes I said, OK, F***........"


----------



## Knight (Jul 7, 2020)

Question

How does describing strange dates turn into romance?


----------



## jerry old (Jul 7, 2020)

Let us start a poll:
1.  The world has gone crazy
2. Well, not yet
3. No, everything's cool


----------



## JaniceM (Jul 7, 2020)

jerry old said:


> Let us start a poll:
> 1.  The world has gone crazy
> 2. Well, not yet
> 3. No, everything's cool


I'd have to say #1 is accurate.


----------



## grahamg (Jul 7, 2020)

Knight said:


> Question
> 
> How does describing strange dates turn into romance?


I think you've managed to come up with the pithiest, and most fundamental question, because I'd say if the woman featured, (or anyone else, man or woman), sets out in the fashion described to supposedly find love, its the one thing they won't find.    .


----------



## Knight (Jul 7, 2020)

grahamg said:


> I think you've managed to come up with the PITHIEST, and most fundamental question, because I'd say if the woman featured, (or anyone else, man or woman), sets out in the fashion described to supposedly find love, its the one thing they won't find.    .


Are you making fun of my lisp?


----------



## Keesha (Jul 7, 2020)

Is it just me? I find your posts hard to understand.


----------



## Keesha (Jul 7, 2020)

grahamg said:


> I think you've managed to come up with the pithiest, and most fundamental question, because I'd say if the woman featured, (or anyone else, man or woman), sets out in the fashion described to supposedly find love, its the one thing they won't find.    .



What?


----------



## jujube (Jul 7, 2020)

Knight said:


> Are you making fun of my lisp?



Yeth.


----------



## Knight (Jul 7, 2020)

jujube said:


> Yeth.


Big Bully!! I'm going to tell your mother on you.


----------



## jujube (Jul 7, 2020)

Knight said:


> Big Bully!! I'm going to tell your mother on you.



Won't do any good.  Mom likes me better.....


----------



## Knight (Jul 7, 2020)

jujube said:


> Won't do any good.  Mom likes me better.....


Does NOT


----------



## Pepper (Jul 7, 2020)

You're both on time-out.


----------



## jujube (Jul 7, 2020)

Knight said:


> Does NOT



Does TOO!  Besides, mom and dad didn't want to tell you, but you're adopted. 



Pepper said:


> You're both on time-out.



HEY, you're not the boss of meeeeee!


----------



## Knight (Jul 7, 2020)

jujube said:


> Does TOO!  Besides, mom and dad didn't want to tell you, but you're adopted.



I must be adopted because you are mean & I'm not. So there!



Pepper said:


> You're both on time-out.



Show me your thread police badge.


----------



## Keesha (Jul 7, 2020)

Food fight .... preferably gluten free please!


----------



## Keesha (Jul 7, 2020)

Knight said:


> Show me your thread police badge.


She must have dropped it during the food fight


----------



## Knight (Jul 7, 2020)

For those not understanding, this is how to take a thread that made little sense into something fun. 
Now about that food fight. How many are there and do we need sugar proof masks?


----------



## Lakeland living (Jul 7, 2020)

There is no way this is a second of even third childhood.
 AND you don't get sent to your room


----------



## MickaC (Jul 7, 2020)

#1 here.


----------



## JaniceM (Jul 7, 2020)

Knight said:


> For those not understanding, this is how to take a thread that made little sense into something fun.
> Now about that food fight. How many are there and do we need sugar proof masks?


One thread-  successfully hijacked.  Great work, guys!!!


----------



## JaniceM (Jul 7, 2020)

jujube said:


> Yeth.


All you want for Christmas is your two front teeth?


----------



## jujube (Jul 7, 2020)

Knight said:


> I must be adopted because you are mean & I'm not. So there!



I know I am but what are you?

Wait a minnit…...that didn't work.  Never mind.


----------



## Pepper (Jul 7, 2020)

jujube said:


> I know I am but what are you?
> Wait a minnit…...that didn't work.  Never mind.


I Know You Are, But What Am I?


----------



## Knight (Jul 7, 2020)

jujube said:


> I know I am but what are you?
> 
> Wait a minnit…...that didn't work.  Never mind.


According to Janice I'm a criminal. A thread hi jacker hiding out in cyber space, trying to divert attention from everyday wondering about what is next. We know what's next here. More posts with nonsense that is a challenge.

Like wait a minnit and me being a demanding little shi& not wanting to give you a minnit.


----------



## grahamg (Jul 7, 2020)

JaniceM said:


> One thread-  successfully hijacked.  Great work, guys!!!



"Have the kids gone to bed yet?" Oh good, they'll feel better for that won't they!

What was the thread about, oh yes, someone putting forth the idea we should "Love Many". "Better to have loved and lost than neera loved at all", someone once said, an awwwr I sez is set off wi that as yer aim an its where yur headin.     .


----------



## Butterfly (Jul 8, 2020)

Keesha said:


> Food fight .... preferably gluten free please!
> View attachment 112720



Oh, NOES!  Not a food fight!

Well, as long as I'm not the one who has to clean up the mess . . . .


----------



## Keesha (Jul 8, 2020)

Butterfly said:


> Oh, NOES!  Not a food fight!
> 
> Well, as long as I'm not the one who has to clean up the mess . . . .


Since we crashed Grahamg’s  place, he’s gonna have to clean it up.


----------



## grahamg (Jul 8, 2020)

Keesha said:


> Since we crashed Grahamg’s  place, he’s gonna have to clean it up.


No, keep going, "I'm cool", (I've got all the time in the world, how about you?).     .


----------



## Keesha (Jul 8, 2020)

grahamg said:


> No, keep going, "I'm cool", (I've got all the time in the world, how about you?).     .


You’re a good sport. 
Here’s a buffet luncheon for today with an assortment of dessert shooters for everyone. 
Enjoy! 
No food fight.


----------



## asp3 (Jul 8, 2020)

I'm choosing #3, "No, everything's fine".

Although I haven't read the book and can't say that I support it in and of itself, I do agree with the idea in grahamg's summary of the book's message.

I know I wish my parent's had explained what dating and romance were all about.  I think I might have been more comfortable being around teenage girls as a teenager and might have actually dated more than I did when I was in high school.  I also think that it might have veered me away from my first marriage and I might have had a more fulfilling life.

I like the idea that some women now feel empowered to do a little experimenting and playing the field if that's what they desire.


----------



## hellomimi (Jul 8, 2020)

I'm just getting back to the dating scene and I noticed senior men would all say they're looking for their last love and how they'd pamper them if they found them. BUT I have yet to know one that is willing to invest time and effort to prove it. I'm not referring to OLD sites, I meet these IRL. I guess it's rare to find men who knows how to woo and pursue women; maybe the rules of engagement has changed since the ****** revolution?


----------



## Knight (Jul 8, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> I'm just getting back to the dating scene and I noticed senior men would all say they're looking for their last love and how they'd pamper them if they found them. BUT I have yet to know one that is willing to invest time and effort to prove it. I'm not referring to OLD sites, I meet these IRL. I guess it's rare to find men who knows how to woo and pursue women; maybe the rules of engagement has changed since the ****** revolution?


Could it be those senior men realize there isn't much time left for pursuing so wooing is reduced to your place or mine?


----------



## hellomimi (Jul 8, 2020)

Knight said:


> Could it be those senior men realize there isn't much time left for pursuing so wooing is reduced to your place or mine?


Nah, doesn't work for me. I'm not looking for hook-ups. I wonder if hook ups among seniors lead to stable relationships?


----------



## Gary O' (Jul 8, 2020)

This thread eventually became the best read I've had in a very long time

Now, to answer the question;



Keesha said:


> Is it just me? I find your posts hard to understand.



No, Keesh, it's pretty much a consensus


----------



## grahamg (Jul 8, 2020)

Just plain nuts will do, I'm cool with that description too, (given what I think of half of you. !).
It hasn't stopped the discussion flaring into life, and some perfectly rational, reasonable, decent, wholesome posts my mum would have approved of, and if I'm not being too indiscreet saying it, she was a virgin on her wedding night, having waited during a seven and a half year courtship for one another.
A different age I know, and in their generation my parents were not unique, but how many today, reading books telling them to "Love Many", refrain or restrain themselves, and show what " stick ability" is all about.


----------



## AmberTea (Jul 8, 2020)

Virginity, romance  in the old days and these new days, wide range of variations over the decades is for sure.
Love many and no virginity before marriage OR love one and remain a virgin until the wedding night.
Always a personal decision for each person or couple.


----------



## Knight (Jul 8, 2020)

grahamg said:


> Just plain nuts will do, I'm cool with that description too, (given what I think of half of you. !).
> It hasn't stopped the discussion flaring into life, and some perfectly rational, reasonable, decent, wholesome posts my mum would have approved of, and if I'm not being too indiscreet saying it, she was a virgin on her wedding night, having waited during a seven and a half year courtship for one another.
> A different age I know, and in their generation my parents were not unique, but how many today, reading books telling them to "Love Many", refrain or restrain themselves, and show what " stick ability" is all about.


Which half ?

As for being indiscreet that was pretty much how life was years ago. BUT & I THINK this is worth asking you.

Aren't you confusing love with sex?  Love Many doesn't automatically translate to sex.


----------



## grahamg (Jul 8, 2020)

Knight said:


> Which half ?
> 
> As for being indiscreet that was pretty much how life was years ago. BUT & I THINK this is worth asking you.
> 
> Aren't you confusing love with sex?  Love Many doesn't automatically translate to sex.


You've got me there, and if only the woman featured in the OP hadn't shown what she appeared to think it meant, I'd have to give up and go join a monastery as penance, for interpreting her words in that manner.

My dear mother, btw didn't believe in platonic relationships between men and women, (I think she was over egging it there, but she amused my great uncle by telling him this anyway!).   .

I'm not sure which half you're in, but I'm happy enough for you to join me in the nutty half, if you want to self identify that way.     .


----------



## Gary O' (Jul 8, 2020)

grahamg said:


> Just plain nuts will do, I'm cool with that description too, (given what I think of half of you. !).
> It hasn't stopped the discussion flaring into life, and some perfectly rational, reasonable,


grahamg, you might be the odd one, but yer easy

…..and I do like that


----------



## grahamg (Jul 9, 2020)

I've been doing some research, (I know Gary O' will be pleased!):

https://www.bustle.com/articles/180084-5-reasons-its-normal-to-be-in-love-with-more-than-one-person

*Why It’s Normal To Love More Than One Person*

Quote:
"Although we're often taught to believe we can only love one person at a time, it's time to really rethink that. While it might be easy if there were just one person for us, as in "The One," and once we find them we were set for life, things are really not that simple. Life, in general, is not that simple. And, honestly, I like to believe that as much as lack of simplicity can throw a wrench in things, no one really wants it that simple. 

And considering the rise of non-monogamy today, more and more people are proving that there's not just one person out there for everyone. “When it comes to being in love, all bets are off,” dating Coach Francesca Hogi tells Bustle. “Everything is ‘normal.’ [Being in love with more than one person] is probably a lot more common than people realize.” Well isn't that a relief for each and every one of you out there who is currently in love with more than one person — or thinks you could be. "


----------

