# Will I make it through the wedding



## BlunderWoman (Jun 30, 2014)

My daughters wedding is soon. I have a 'tasting' with a group of them tonight. My question is am I going to make it through the wedding without reaming my daughters new mother in law to be? What an impossible woman. My daughter needs to move FAR AWAY after the wedding. That woman is making the wedding all about the wedding SHE WANTS and never had. Pushy pushy manipulative lying whining fit throwing.... Wish me luck


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## Honey (Jun 30, 2014)

of course you will make it because you want your daughter to have a wonderful day so just go with the flow, smile at the MIL and just think when the day is over you wont have to see her again unless you choose to :dontworry:


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## SeaBreeze (Jun 30, 2014)

Honey is right, it's most important to make it a special day for your daughter, without any added drama or stress.  I know how some people can be, so that's a good idea for her to make a move after the wedding to distance herself from the new MIL.  How does your daughter like her?


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## BlunderWoman (Jun 30, 2014)

Honey said:


> of course you will make it because you want your daughter to have a wonderful day so just go with the flow, smile at the MIL and just think when the day is over you wont have to see her again unless you choose to :dontworry:


Yep I do. I'll hold it just because of that.


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## BlunderWoman (Jun 30, 2014)

SeaBreeze said:


> Honey is right, it's most important to make it a special day for your daughter, without any added drama or stress.  I know how some people can be, so that's a good idea for her to make a move after the wedding to distance herself from the new MIL.  How does your daughter like her?


My daughter is very frustrated with having to deal with her constant drama. Guess who didn't show up for the designer this evening OR CALL and this is the 2nd time she did it & now we all have to reschedule again.


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## Ina (Jun 30, 2014)

BW, You might want to counsel your daughter to expect her new MIL's behavior to escalate after the wedding. As she looses more and more influence  over her son, she might even add resentment to her drama behavior.
I know first hand how that works. But if she see it coming, she can come up of a way to deal with it, instead of getting angry and fighting back. Remind her that she will always be his momma. :wave:


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## Capt Lightning (Jul 1, 2014)

My mother was a bit like that- everything WE did was all about how people would see HER.
I'm a great believer in marriage (41 years & counting), but I can't stand weddings.  Although my in-laws were lovely people,  we still felt like gatecrashers at out own wedding.  It was a party for a load of people we hardly knew.   If any of our children want to get married, we've made it clear from our point, that it's THEIR wedding.  It's for THEM to do what THEY want - NOT us.

Is your future son in law the sort to stand up to his mother?  After all he's marrying your daughter and making his life with HER.


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## BlunderWoman (Jul 1, 2014)

Ina said:


> BW, You might want to counsel your daughter to expect her new MIL's behavior to escalate after the wedding. As she looses more and more influence  over her son, she might even add resentment to her drama behavior.
> I know first hand how that works. But if she see it coming, she can come up of a way to deal with it, instead of getting angry and fighting back. Remind her that she will always be his momma. :wave:


I did Ina. I told her think once..think twice..


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## BlunderWoman (Jul 1, 2014)

Capt Lightning I am concerned whether he will be able to stand up to his mother. I expressed these concerns to my daughter, but she's in love.You know how that goes . He does know his mother has behavioral problems. I think the best best is for them to move out of her reach until they are on stable ground. My daughter is my best company but I would like to see her move off and have a chance at a happy marriage. 



Capt Lightning said:


> My mother was a bit like that- everything WE did was all about how people would see HER.
> I'm a great believer in marriage (41 years & counting), but I can't stand weddings.  Although my in-laws were lovely people,  we still felt like gatecrashers at out own wedding.  It was a party for a load of people we hardly knew.   If any of our children want to get married, we've made it clear from our point, that it's THEIR wedding.  It's for THEM to do what THEY want - NOT us.
> 
> Is your future son in law the sort to stand up to his mother?  After all he's marrying your daughter and making his life with HER.


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## JustBonee (Jul 1, 2014)

It seems to be a common problem.  
My husband was his mother's favorite. She wanted to put her stamp on our life together when we were young.  And when you are 18-19 and dealing with a 40 something woman who wants to interfere .. you don't have a chance..  

We ended up eloping.  And in the end moved away too.  It worked.


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## Falcon (Jul 1, 2014)

Some (typical) weddings are more trouble than they're worth, if you think about all the aspects involved, especially

the boring controlling mothers.

  This couple, if they had any brains, should elope to Las Vegas, Reno or Napoleon, Ohio, get 'er done, then return
  and announce their marriage.  Then the mothers-in-law can cry in their beer.


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## Mrs. Robinson (Jul 1, 2014)

BlunderWoman said:


> My daughters wedding is soon. I have a 'tasting' with a group of them tonight. My question is am I going to make it through the wedding without reaming my daughters new mother in law to be? What an impossible woman. My daughter needs to move FAR AWAY after the wedding. That woman is making the wedding all about the wedding SHE WANTS and never had. Pushy pushy manipulative lying whining fit throwing.... Wish me luck



Oooohhh.good luck to you! If my daughter could survive what she survived last year,I guess you will too. My grandson married a gal whose mom is certifiably NUTS. Everybody in town knows it and just roll their eyes. Her husband is very popular and well known (he is the high school football coach and has been for 20 years. He was my grandson`s coach,loved my grandson and introduced him to his daughter-she was 3 years older so he didn`t know her from school) Anyway,future MIL started in right away when the wedding was being planned-from how many guests would be allowed right down to what color dress ANY of us could wear (NO ONE was allowed to wear black-because SHE was wearing black. I won`t bore you with how bad it got but it was awful. My poor daughter was beside herself and she is normally so easygoing. I should also mention that the entire wedding was paid for by my grandson.He went to New York to work for a month after Hurricane Sandy restoring power and made $30,000 to pay for it all. Daughter and SIL did pay for all the food at the reception. Bride`s parents paid for nothing. Zero.Zip.Zilch. They MAY have paid for the bride`s dress but I really think she paid for her own because she put it up for sale immediately after the wedding.


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## Bettyann (Jul 4, 2014)

Actually... having been through this many years ago... I will say this.
Its not up to anyone else as to how this mother in law behaves EXCEPT for the son... its up to HIM to stick up for his wife, and its up to HIM to set boundaries... otherwise, its a losing battle.  I hope your daughter will stick up for herself to her new husband and always be honest with the way she feels for her own sake. I tried to be understanding of what my mother in law had put him through during his early years... but as a psychiatrist told me later: 
"When you want to call yourself an adult... you stop blaming your parents for what happened in the past...' " 
When I got my divorce after only 5 years of marriage...when the judge banged down his gavel and it was 'divorce granted... I remember getting off the witness stand, thinking "NOW I am rid of my mother in law...next I thought: and also my husband."
Distance helps, but it is hardly the all in all solution.


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## Old Fire Fighter (Jul 4, 2014)

BlunderWoman said:


> My daughters wedding is soon. I have a 'tasting' with a group of them tonight. My question is am I going to make it through the wedding without reaming my daughters new mother in law to be? What an impossible woman. My daughter needs to move FAR AWAY after the wedding. That woman is making the wedding all about the wedding SHE WANTS and never had. Pushy pushy manipulative lying whining fit throwing.... Wish me luck



The wedding is for your daughter and her groom. Someone needs to remind MIL to be about this. I suggest you contact the Minister who is going to administer the vows and discuss this issue with him/her. 
Be strong Sharon. You can handle it.
Tom


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