# I've lost my patience with my son-in-laws Mother



## Sassycakes (Feb 20, 2016)

My daughter has been married 10 yrs now and she has the most rude,cruel hateful MIL.
Even when my daughter was dating her son she was constantly picking on my Daughter and even
picking on her job. My daughter is an RN in a Children's Hospital and works in the Operating 
room. One time my daughter said her day was stressful. That during an operation on a 3yr old little  boy who coded during the surgery. Thankfully they were able to save the boy. Her MIL
laughed and said"Everyone has stress in their job. All you do is hand instruments to the Doctor."
She picks on everyone not just my daughter ,but even her son,her daughter and her husband.
One Thanksgiving everyone was saying what they were Thankful for. She turned to her Husband
and she said,l she wouldn't be thankful until her husband dropped dead. I can say a dozen more
things she has said and done but I don't want to bore you with all she has done. I'm just trying 
to think of how I can avoid being in her company without hurting my son-in-law.We share every
Holiday together because no one else wants be in her company ,not even her daughter or her Brother.


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## fureverywhere (Feb 20, 2016)

Vodka? No seriously...I would say just try to keep your distance but still attend family get togethers. Hubby's family would sell each other for medical experiments...yet would still have get togethers. I would take care of small children in another room, go out and smoke...anything to avoid the gunfire. But it was important to hubby so I dealt.


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## Ameriscot (Feb 20, 2016)

OMG she sounds like she is pure evil!!


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 20, 2016)

I agree, just try to bite the bullet during family gatherings for the sake of your daughter and son in law.  Believe me, is she's the way you describe, he's well aware of it and her affect on others.  You can't change hateful people, but you do have control about how you deal with it....don't let her toxic personality get to you, it's hard I know.


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## Cookie (Feb 20, 2016)

What a nasty piece of work she is, and it must be so hard being in her company.  I'm sure everyone else feels the same way, even your son in law.  Maybe she has some kind of condition that makes her say such terrible things or maybe she thinks she is making a joke.  Perhaps talking with your daughter about it might shed some light on the matter.


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## BlunderWoman (Feb 20, 2016)

I feel for you. One of my daughters has a lulu for a mother in law. She asked me in a demanding way the last time I saw her " Why don't you ever answer the phone when I call?" I told her " Because you called me 30 times in one day once and freaked me right out. Now when I see it's you calling I just don't answer." She said "Oh."

I had an EXTREMELY evil mother in law for 26 years until my marriage ended over her bunk. I'm not sure what to tell you. I go to functions where my daughters MIL is there, but I tell her what I think & she shuts up. I'm always very respectful, I just don't let her play a drama with me. All evil MIL's aren't the same though. 

I'm no help to you. But you have my support & a ((((hug)))


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## AprilT (Feb 20, 2016)

Sounds like the mother/wife in the movie Nebraska, I was having a deja vu moment reading the OP. 

 I love headphones, they have wireless ones, I would put her on mute.


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## Sassycakes (Feb 20, 2016)

AprilT said:


> Sounds like the mother/wife in the movie Nebraska, I was having a deja vu moment reading the OP.
> 
> I love headphones, they have wireless ones, I would put her on mute.




LOL ! Headphones sound like a really good idea to me !


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## Cookie (Feb 20, 2016)

Headphones for everyone at the dinner table -- or maybe little earbud phone speakers so people can talk to each other, but MIL doesn't get one.  LOL


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## FazeFour (Feb 21, 2016)

Sassy, you're describing MY mother. I was my mom's caregiver for nearly 15 years - no one else wanted to do it - and I know why she says the things she says. It's because she feels inferior. And not just kind of inferior, but VERY inferior. Mom has to criticize and belittle virtually everyone, but she's particularly cruel to females. Her perception is that girls and women think they are better than her, so she feels compelled to knock them off their high horse before anyone else thinks so.

Most family and friends find it impossible to ignore my mom's catty, underhanded remarks. Rather than say anything, most of them simply avoid her. I can tell you that when anyone has responded to her vile-ness, the effort was futile. She'll get all wound up and act like she's under an unwarranted attack. Drama ensues. And she doesn't let it go for months, sometimes years. And it doesn't change her behavior one bit.

I would advise you to let your daughter know that you hear it, that you don't like it, and that the MIL has a problem. Then give her (your daughter, that is!) a big hug and a smooch.


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## Ameriscot (Feb 21, 2016)

Cookie said:


> Headphones for everyone at the dinner table -- or maybe little earbud phone speakers so people can talk to each other, but MIL doesn't get one.  LOL



Good idea!


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## vickyNightowl (Feb 21, 2016)

Sassycakes,good luck with that.
Its terrible that one person can destroy so many other peoples well being.
She has been allowed to go on with her antics far too long.


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## debbie in seattle (Feb 21, 2016)

I have a sister-in-law that is one of the most vile people I've ever met.   I put up with her crap for 35 years and just said "enough" one day and haven't set foot around her since.   My life is easier and she now chooses others to spill her disgusting gossip, complaining and tantrums on.


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## Sassycakes (Feb 21, 2016)

debbie in seattle said:


> I have a sister-in-law that is one of the most vile people I've ever met.   I put up with her crap for 35 years and just said "enough" one day and haven't set foot around her since.   My life is easier and she now chooses others to spill her disgusting gossip, complaining and tantrums on.



If I wouldn't be hurting my Son-in-law I would walk away from her in a minute. Just this weekend coming up we will be going to my Grandaughter's dance recital.It's a 2 day event the MIL is already telling us everything we should do. She also refers to my Granddaughter as mine not hers,because she said you always love your daughters children more than your son's. I laughed right in her face when she said that. My son has 2 boys and I love my grandchildren equally.


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## Karen99 (Feb 21, 2016)

Sassycakes said:


> If I wouldn't be hurting my Son-in-law I would walk away from her in a minute. Just this weekend coming up we will be going to my Grandaughter's dance recital.It's a 2 day event the MIL is already telling us everything we should do. She also refers to my Granddaughter as mine not hers,because she said you always love your daughters children more than your son's. I laughed right in her face when she said that. My son has 2 boys and I love my grandchildren equally.



wow, Sassy..sounds like she likes to bait people.  I understand you want to be supportive of your SIL and all you can do is get a Teflon attitude..lol..let her BS just roll off to the floor.


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## AprilT (Feb 21, 2016)

If you think I'm kidding about headphones, I'm not, I've used them when I've been forced to attend church ceremonies, at parties when I get bored with the music being played, sitting listening to others yap on. with some people, they don't want a response other than for you to just nod yes in agreement and it works.  :jammin:  As I said, wireless earbuds work just fine too, even better I would say so, you have a button to press on and off and to control volume if you thinkthere's a reply really needed, you just say, could you repeat that, I didn't understand.  LOL.


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## Linda (Feb 21, 2016)

I've read all the posts here and I'd say I agree especially with the strong drink advise and the earbuds.  I use earbuds for going to movies I don't want to see or hanging out with people I don't want to listen to.  And a couple good shots of Tequila in Tart Cherry Juice (Tart Cherry for my joints don't you know) might save the day.  Other wise, and probably anyway, I would speak up to her.  I can't keep my mouth shut over some things.  

The lady sounds pretty bad.  My daughter's first MIL sent her son a Mother's Day card on Mother's Day and then wrote something in it like "I know you are the one who has to do all the raising of "granddaughter's name".  And that wasn't the worse thing she did either.   Wonder why that marriage only lasted 4 or 5 years?


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## FazeFour (Feb 21, 2016)

Sassycakes said:


> If I wouldn't be hurting my Son-in-law I would walk away from her in a minute. Just this weekend coming up we will be going to my Grandaughter's dance recital.It's a 2 day event the MIL is already telling us everything we should do. She also refers to my Granddaughter as mine not hers,because she said you always love your daughters children more than your son's. I laughed right in her face when she said that. My son has 2 boys and I love my grandchildren equally.



Jeez, she sounds tiring. Exhausting. I'm not sure walking away from her when she starts this crap would hurt your SIL. He knows her. He might understand. 

Try it, and if there's backlash from him or your daughter, just apologize and tell them you'll try to be patient in the future. If it shuts her up, and the "kids" seem ok with it, then you know you have a usable (if only temporary) escape.

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, Sassy, but people like her seem to live forEVER! My mom is 84, but it feels like 100 years to us...lol!


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## Kadee (Feb 21, 2016)

We have a woman who attends our dances who must be a first cousin to your daughters MIL sassy ,she feels the need to check all the women's skirt lengths ,and if you have anything like a bra strap showing and the list go's on. When we first started dancing in 2008 we attended a dance weekend about a hours drive from where we live we took our caravan as it was a three day weekend ..anyway she came marching up to our caravan and proceeded to tell us in no uncertain terms that we would never be as good at dancing as HER ..( We hardly even knew her at the time) 
I can understand having to be in her company ..we don't attend local dances anymore as she makes me uncomfortable as she will come right up to me and look me up and down to see if she approves what I'm wearing.


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## Cookie (Feb 21, 2016)

I agree with Linda, to say something back, or tell her that her remarks are not appreciated.  It seems like everyone is afraid of the MIL and also of offending the son.  I also find I can't bite my tongue when someone is making snarky remarks.


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## Sassycakes (Feb 21, 2016)

Kadee46 said:


> We have a woman who attends our dances who must be a first cousin to your daughters MIL sassy ,she feels the need to check all the women's skirt lengths ,and if you have anything like a bra strap showing and the list go's on. When we first started dancing in 2008 we attended a dance weekend about a hours drive from where we live we took our caravan as it was a three day weekend ..anyway she came marching up to our caravan and proceeded to tell us in no uncertain terms that we would never be as good at dancing as HER ..( We hardly even knew her at the time)
> I can understand having to be in her company ..we don't attend local dances anymore as she makes me uncomfortable as she will come right up to me and look me up and down to see if she approves what I'm wearing.



She does sound like she is related to the woman from your dances. She finds flaws with everyone but herself.Before my daughter got married she called me to tell me she found a dress for me to wear to the wedding. I said Thanks but I'll pick out my dress. Then she told me I shouldn't give out favors at the wedding. She said why waste the money,that we should just put cards on the table saying that"In lieu of favors we were donating money to the Children's Hospital " where my daughter worked. 1st of all I was paying for the wedding,2nd I didn't care for the word "lieu",and 3rd my daughter was donating her life to caring for the children.Of course I  didn't listen to her. She also sent her daughter to my house the morning of the wedding. I was surprised to see her,but I later found out from a friend ,that she made the daughter come over to make sure my daughter didn't look ugly. Do you think my daughter looked ugly?


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 21, 2016)

That woman sounds like a real piece of work Sassycakes.  Your daughter looks absolutely beautiful, you must have been so proud!


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## Linda (Feb 21, 2016)

Sassycakes, your daughter is beautiful and what a mean nasty MIL she has!


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## Linda (Feb 21, 2016)

Kadee46 said:


> We have a woman who attends our dances who must be a first cousin to your daughters MIL sassy ,she feels the need to check all the women's skirt lengths ,and if you have anything like a bra strap showing and the list go's on. When we first started dancing in 2008 we attended a dance weekend about a hours drive from where we live we took our caravan as it was a three day weekend ..anyway she came marching up to our caravan and proceeded to tell us in no uncertain terms that we would never be as good at dancing as HER ..( We hardly even knew her at the time)
> I can understand having to be in her company ..we don't attend local dances anymore as she makes me uncomfortable as she will come right up to me and look me up and down to see if she approves what I'm wearing.


Kadee46, I would be so tempted to show up wearing a real short skirt and maybe even no bra just to aggravate that ol hussy.


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## Kadee (Feb 21, 2016)

Sassycakes your daughter is beautiful ,you must be so proud of her


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## Kadee (Feb 21, 2016)

Linda said:


> Kadee46, I would be so tempted to show up wearing a real short skirt and maybe even no bra just to aggravate that ol hussy.


I should do just that, you can just imagine her she has long grey hair,long dirty fingernails  one eye and she always dresses in black. She's about 75 ..Sorry Sassy I'm getting a little of topic..


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## oldman (Feb 22, 2016)

Had I been there on that particular Thanksgiving Day for dinner and heard that remark about her husband, I would have left the table and the house. "Bye-bye, don't call me, I'll call you."


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## Sassycakes (Feb 22, 2016)

Kadee46 said:


> I should do just that, you can just imagine her she has long grey hair,long dirty fingernails  one eye and she always dresses in black. She's about 75 ..Sorry Sassy I'm getting a little of topic..



Kadee,you aren't getting off topic. That woman really does remind me of the MIL. She is soo heavy and yet picks on other peoples weight. One day she was complaining about how her knees hurt her. I had to answer,so I said "Maybe if you lost weight your knees would feel better. You should see the look she gave me !


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## BlunderWoman (Feb 22, 2016)

Sassycakes said:


> Do you think my daughter looked ugly?
> View attachment 27037



Your daughter looked lovely.


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## Cookie (Feb 22, 2016)

Sassycakes, your daughter looks beautiful, no doubt about it.

As far as the MIL is concerned, I find that people who constantly make derogatory comments seem to have low self esteem themselves and be very insecure. She sounds jealous and envious to me --- I would think she would be pitied if she were not so offensive.  There's another thing, maybe she has a medical/mental condition that causes her to be so rude and should be checked out by a doctor. Maybe her son needs to look into this.


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## AprilT (Feb 22, 2016)

This is the woman I was thinking of from the movie Nebraska, she is the most obnoxious person you just want to stuff a sock in her mouth.  You have to see her in full mode in the movie to appreciate her.






Very interesting commentary of the actress on the character and who she sees the character having a commonality with, her alcoholic mother no less.


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## RadishRose (Feb 22, 2016)

Sassy, you wouldn't be hurting your sil if you told that woman off, avoided her or anything you need to do. SHE is the one hurting your sil, her own son, and he knows it. She deserves a good kick in the pants!


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## Kadee (Feb 22, 2016)

Sassycakes said:


> Kadee,you aren't getting off topic. That woman really does remind me of the MIL. She is soo heavy and yet picks on other peoples weight. One day she was complaining about how her knees hurt her. I had to answer,so I said "Maybe if you lost weight your knees would feel better. You should see the look she gave me !


Thanks Sassy ..this woman even told other people I work as a prositute to buy my dance skirts ,which I buy from an upmarket shop called noni b I only buy on special for about $40 each ..I went to solicitors and the police ..but she still slanders people 
She is extremely jealous because we were popular at the dance and she did her best to change that
Here is an example of the skirts and tops I buy/wear to the dances this was taken about 6 months ago


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## Linda (Feb 22, 2016)

Kadee, I would be SO MAD, if I were you!  Love your skirt and love seeing pics of my friends on here.  That looks like a fun place.  I have never learned to dance, wish I could.


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## Kadee (Feb 22, 2016)

Linda said:


> Kadee, I would be SO MAD, if I were you!  Love your skirt and love seeing pics of my friends on here.  That looks like a fun place.  I have never learned to dance, wish I could.


Linda we often have themed nights and that was a British night that's why we were wearing red and white ,we only started dancing at 63 ...now 70 ..


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## Ina (Feb 22, 2016)

I've been in the position where a family member thought they had all the answers, and they thought it was their duty to bring down as many people as their nasty mouth could.  I too put up with it for a long time, and then one day I just couldn't stand it anymore, and I burst out laughing at her so hard I was holding my sides.  It didn't stop her nastiness, but she left me alone from then on.  Today if we find ourselves at the same function I start to grin real big, and she goes in the opposite dirrection.


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## Ina (Feb 22, 2016)

Kadee, The both of you look like you are getting ready to have a lot of fun.  

Next time just start laughing everytime you see her, but don't tell her why.


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## AprilT (Feb 22, 2016)

Kadee46 said:


> Thanks Sassy ..this woman even told other people I work as a prositute to buy my dance skirts ,which I buy from an upmarket shop called noni b I only buy on special for about $40 each ..I went to solicitors and the police ..but she still slanders people
> She is extremely jealous because we were popular at the dance and she did her best to change that
> Here is an example of the skirts and tops I buy/wear to the dances this was taken about 6 months ago



You to make a very lovely couple, nice skirt, I bet it flowed nicely as you danced.


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## BlunderWoman (Feb 22, 2016)

You know it seems to me there should be an asshole intervention. They do  that for addicts & self harmers and lots of people. I think there should be one for assholes. You could collect all the people who she has been harassing and insulting & then invite her over. Have nice tea and cakes and just tell her you've all decided to throw an asshole intervention and let her know how she makes all of you feel with her comments & such.


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## Sassycakes (Feb 22, 2016)

Kadee46 said:


> Thanks Sassy ..this woman even told other people I work as a prositute to buy my dance skirts ,which I buy from an upmarket shop called noni b I only buy on special for about $40 each ..I went to solicitors and the police ..but she still slanders people
> She is extremely jealous because we were popular at the dance and she did her best to change that
> Here is an example of the skirts and tops I buy/wear to the dances this was taken about 6 months ago




You look very lovely in the skirt and it is very obvious that she is extremely jealous of you.
I wish the Police could have done something even if it was just a fine for defamation of character.


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 22, 2016)

The skirt is very nice Kadee, you look great.  Amazing how vicious people can get when they're jealous.


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## jujube (Feb 23, 2016)

You have a beautiful daughter, Sassy!


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## Sassycakes (Feb 24, 2016)

jujube said:


> You have a beautiful daughter, Sassy!



Thank you jujube. My Daughter is also kind,generous and extremely caring. She is very good to her in-laws. It's a shame they don't appreciate all she does for them.


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