# Living alone has it's drawbacks



## Bretrick (Apr 2, 2022)

The reality of my situation, maybe others are in the same predicament, if I was to fall over, say, in the shower and was unable to extricate myself, broken hip? I could lay there for a week or more.
My phone would not be within reach, it may take a week or more before work might, and I say might send someone around to check on me.
I would in fact be reduced to shouting as loud as I could in the hopes of a neighbour hearing me.
With the doors deadlocked, police/ambulance would have to be called.
Not a pleasant thought, having to shout to attract attention.
Researching medical alarms shows that nothing is as easy as it should be.


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## Aunt Bea (Apr 2, 2022)

I think about that sometimes.

I could be dead for several months and no one would be likely to notice.

Is it a problem for me, or is it a problem for the poor people that eventually have to haul away my remains and clean up my apartment? 

_"The future's not ours to see, Que sera, sera, What will be, will be ..." _


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## oldpop (Apr 2, 2022)

"Living alone has it's drawbacks"
Not to seem crass about your comment but you are right. The drawback for me is that there is no one to scratch my back. Where I die is of no consequence to me. I will not be here to deal with it. Where I go is a different story.


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## Bretrick (Apr 2, 2022)

Aunt Bea said:


> I think about that sometimes.
> 
> I could be dead for several months and no one would be likely to notice.
> 
> ...


I would not mind if I was to die suddenly.
The unpleasantness arises if I was to slowly wilt, laying in the shower for a week.
I think there are people who specialise in cleaning homes/apartments where a person has been deceased for an amount of time.


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## oldpop (Apr 2, 2022)

Valid point.


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## hollydolly (Apr 2, 2022)

yes it's a concern if you live alone.. you may want to get a personal alarm..such as this..

https://livelifealarms.com.au/

do a little research there's quite a few options...


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## C50 (Apr 2, 2022)

I have some property so am always using equipment of some kind, lots of ways to get hurt, not to mention simply falling and hurting myself.  Years ago my elderly neighbor fell down while out hoeing his garden and died,  he laid there for a few days before he was found.  So it is something I think about but if it happens it happens.  My daughter lives close and I have told her if she ever isn't able to get a hold of me for a few days call the police to come do a welfare check, I would rather the police find me than have my kids find me deceased.


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## terry123 (Apr 2, 2022)

When I shower my cell phone goes into a zip lock bag within reach in the shower.  Theres a little place on the tib that it sits on and does not get much water.   Of course I have to use a shower bench as I cannot stand alone for long since my stroke.  You figure these things out as you live your life.


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## Kika (Apr 2, 2022)

Since I discovered yoga pants years ago, my phone is always in the waistband.
The phone sits on a small table next to the tub when I am in the shower and charging on the nightstand overnight.  It gives me a bit of a sense of security.  

I have been though 2 family members dying alone at home, another having a stroke and being on the floor for at least 3 days.  Oh, and one more who decided to take a bath.  Then could not get out of the bathtub. She was there for 2 days.  

It is a real concern, and everyone should do whatever fits their own situation to lower their own risk.


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## officerripley (Apr 2, 2022)

Maybe it's because I grew up with an elderly (very elderly, she was old back when I was 5) grandmother in the house, and she wasn't one of the youthful kind of grandmas, she dressed like it was the 1940s, always had a bible tucked under one arm and was disapproving of any kind of action other than praying or talking about where you were gonna spend eternity. So as far back as I can remember, I've always thought about how I would manage when I got old and if I was alone then. So it's always seemed odd to me about how some people (including my huzz), no matter how old they are, seem to be in denial about it and refuse to accept the fact or even think for a minute about how to live when you're old. I can understand (not agree with, but understand) their side of it: "stop worrying; you're only as old as you feel!" But it seems like, if somebody lives long enough, there comes a day, usually upon a bad fall or a stroke, heart attack, etc., and now, "suddenly," you can't drive or even walk or speak. And now you're in trouble. And even if you're lucky enough to have kids, family, etc. who are willing/able to help, you're a burden on them. (I really hate that poem about "do not go gentle into that good night, rage at the dying of the light"; after being about the only caretaker for 5 elderly parents altogether over a 10-year period, my sarcastic take on that poem is, "oh, by all means do not go gentle, make life a living hell for your loved ones by refusing to go gentle; bah humbug.") So it seems better to me, better especially for any loved ones you might have, to plan ahead--really plan ahead, not "oh, we don't have to worry about that yet" like I keep hearing from huzz   --than to just keep your head in the sand.


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## hollydolly (Apr 2, 2022)

officerripley said:


> Maybe it's because I grew up with an elderly (very elderly, she was old back when I was 5) grandmother in the house, and she wasn't one of the youthful kind of grandmas, she dressed like it was the 1940s, always had a bible tucked under one arm and was disapproving of any kind of action other than praying or talking about where you were gonna spend eternity. So as far back as I can remember, I've always thought about how I would manage when I got old and if I was alone then. So it's always seemed odd to me about how some people (including my huzz), no matter how old they are, seem to be in denial about it and refuse to accept the fact or even think for a minute about how to live when you're old. I can understand (not agree with, but understand) their side of it: "stop worrying; you're only as old as you feel!" But it seems like, if somebody lives long enough, there comes a day, usually upon a bad fall or a stroke, heart attack, etc., and now, "suddenly," you can't drive or even walk or speak. And now you're in trouble. And even if you're lucky enough to have kids, family, etc. who are willing/able to help, you're a burden on them. (I really hate that poem about "do not go gentle into that good night, rage at the dying of the light"; after being about the only caretaker for 5 elderly parents altogether over a 10-year period, my sarcastic take on that poem is, "oh, by all means do not go gentle, make life a living hell for your loved ones by refusing to go gentle; bah humbug.") So it seems better to me, better especially for any loved ones you might have, to plan ahead--really plan ahead, not "oh, we don't have to worry about that yet" like I keep hearing from huzz   --than to just keep your head in the sand.


Yikes......are we having fun yet ?


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## Remy (Apr 2, 2022)

@officerripley Yup, that was my mother. A borderline to the end. Hitting hospital staff and a nice, good looking EMT told me, regarding my mother, he'd "never seen anything like this." I had yet to process my upbringing but still told him "imagine being raised by her."

As far as I go, I'll be alone. How my end will play out, I don't know. My only concern would be my pets and all my stuff could go to the PAWS thrift store.


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## OneEyedDiva (Apr 2, 2022)

One of my cousins fell in the basement of his house and finally was able to drag himself to his bedroom. He feels it took days but his perception may have been off. It was another couple of days before he was found and taken to the hospital. He had fallen before that when bringing groceries in the house after leaving his phone on the kitchen counter. But that wasn't enough of a lesson for him to bring his phone with him to the basement. He wound up being in rehab for months.

After my husband died, I started making sure to bring my phone with me when I'm going to take a shower. I put it right on the hamper next to the tub. I have an online friend who fell in the shower and luckily her granddaughter was there and helped her up. Not a pleasant occurrence.


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## Aunt Bea (Apr 2, 2022)

terry123 said:


> When I shower my cell phone goes into a zip lock bag within reach in the shower.  Theres a little place on the tib that it sits on and does not get much water.   Of course I have to use a shower bench as I cannot stand alone for long since my stroke.  *You figure these things out as you live your life.*


Exactly!


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## tortiecat (Apr 2, 2022)

I wear a pendant around my neck 24/7 which I can press and get help.  If I don't
answer their call they will send help anyway and contact my family.  There is a
monthly fee for this service.


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## Jules (Apr 2, 2022)

Another who keeps her cell phone beside the shower and on the bedside table.  I have the luxury of an Apple watch that is on after my shower and until I go to bed.  There‘re less expensive brands than Apple.  There’s no monthly fee for watches, just link to your cell phone plan.  

The ambulance attended a very elderly neighbour again.  She had a heart incident and activated her life alert.  It calls her daughter and the ambulance.  They can give the door code to the attendants to get into the house.  The woman is bright and active.  Every time she has an incident, they try to convince her to move into a nursing home.  We all keep an eye on her place.  She’d deteriorate quickly if she left her home and her little garden.  

@Bretrick, if you don’t have a mobile phone, get one and carry it all the time.


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## Liberty (Apr 2, 2022)

My God daughter just called me yesterday and told me she found her mom on the floor "again" when she went to check on her.  She falls down and goes out, then doesn't believe she falls - says she was "dreaming". She has Parkinsons, won't take her medicine,  her phone, or medilert.
Drives daughter nuts.


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## Kika (Apr 2, 2022)

Liberty said:


> She has Parkinsons, won't take her medicine, her phone, or medilert.


Your poor God daughter.  This sounds exactly like my sister.  Her son (my nephew) and I shared caring for her.  She had dementia as well and had an excuse/reason for everything. I am not sure who she treated worse her son or me.  Refused medication, refused to answer her phone and destroyed the medic alert system with a hammer.
My husband had Parkinson's also.  He was a dream to take care of.  Even when he finally went to the nursing home, he charmed everyone there.


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## mellowyellow (Apr 2, 2022)

I don’t think those of us oldies who have a partner appreciate how lucky we are and I’m dreading the day when the inevitable happens, just hope I go first.


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## katlupe (Apr 3, 2022)

At the present time I have someone who calls me first thing in the morning and several times through out the day. But if something happens to him I will be truly alone. If I fell and could yell, my apartment is right across from the elevator and possibly someone would hear me. I usually have my walker and phone near me. Maybe in the future I would have to get one of those alert gizmos.


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## hollydolly (Apr 3, 2022)

katlupe said:


> At the present time I have someone who calls me first thing in the morning and several times through out the day. But if something happens to him I will be truly alone. If I fell and could yell, my apartment is right across from the elevator and possibly someone would hear me. I usually have my walker and phone near me. Maybe in the future I would have to get one of those alert gizmos.


Well I'm on my own now as well.. and not in an apartment. Sometimes no-one calls for several days  not like the old day pre  emails and  social media when there was always someone popping around to visit , so if something happened to me, it's possible I wouldn't be found for a while.

I was talking to my ex husband ( my dd's father) at the end of last year ..hadn't spoken to him in many years.. He told me he collapsed with a stomach bleed, after suffering Covid-19.. and wasn't found for 2 days...laying on his  kitchen floor unconscious .

This isn't some '' hermit of an old man'' this is a gregarious, young acting  and thinking and normally very fit 65 year old, who has had 3 wives ( I was the first).. and 3 adult children.. but now lives alone,  .. but by the time he was found he was in such a state that one of the most well known  hospitals in England placed him into an induced Coma for 2 weeks, and he was hospitalised for 2 months.

This happened around 12 months ago, and now he can no longer work, his breathing is seriously compromised altho' he's not on Oxygen, but feel at times that he should really be using it when he's struggling to breathe, and even after 12 months he still has difficulty being anything like his usual active self.

My point being that despite even having people around you, who visit on a fairly regular basis,  you could still be at risk of not being found for several days.. , so it's important you have some kind of alert system in place  if you live alone...


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## Liberty (Apr 3, 2022)

Perhaps there should be a service that simply calls people who live alone each day at 
an appointed time...if they receive no answer, call back within the half hour and if still 
no response, notify the police for a check.  Surely some senior care company could do that for a nominal monthly fee.   Or maybe the churches should make it a volunteer service provided to members who request it.l


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## Aunt Bea (Apr 3, 2022)

Liberty said:


> Perhaps there should be a service that simply calls people who live alone each day at
> an appointed time...if they receive no answer, call back within the half hour and if still
> no response, notify the police for a check.  Surely some senior care company could do that for a nominal monthly fee.   Or maybe the churches should make it a volunteer service provided to members who request it.l


Some senior apartments use a door hanger.





The person turns the tag morning and night by a certain time.
A volunteer walks the halls and knocks on any door where the tag hasn't been turned.
If there is no answer the volunteer has the apartment manager do a welfare check.

IMO the feeling of care and concern they create in a senior community is more important than the tag itself.


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## hollydolly (Apr 3, 2022)

Aunt Bea said:


> Some senior apartments use a door hanger.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


yes that's a good idea, but again only for those living in senior apartments or small senior communities of some type...


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## Kika (Apr 3, 2022)

If preparation prevents even one fall it is so worth it.  Here are some links I found. If anyone comes across easy exercises to strengthen lower body or improve balance that might be good for everyone.

What You Can Do To Prevent Falls (cdc.gov)

Stay Independent (cdc.gov)

Check For Safety A Home Fall Prevention Checklist For Older Adults (cdc.gov)

Facts About Falls (cdc.gov)


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## hollydolly (Apr 3, 2022)

I have everything correct on this list...including the night lights at the top and bottom of the stairs ..the only thing I don't have is the ability to have items stored in cupboards at waist level ?.. who does ?.. mostly you have to reach up to a kitchen cupboard or lean down..

https://www.cdc.gov/steadi/pdf/STEADI-Brochure-CheckForSafety-508.pdf


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## jimintoronto (Apr 3, 2022)

Aunt Bea said:


> Some senior apartments use a door hanger.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


THAT is a great system. It places the onus on the individual to do something simple, like go and open the door, and make sure the door hanger is showing "I am OK ". With a daily check by a volunteer, the problem situation will be recognized quickly. Bravo. JimB.


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## Kika (Apr 3, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> who does ?


I agree...no one does.  I guess we need to pick and choose whatever we, as individuals, can do depending on our circumstances.


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## katlupe (Apr 3, 2022)

My apartment was designed for a disabled tenant and I have done my best to keep it open as much as possible. I realize though the one thing that prevents falls for me is always having my walker with me wherever I go. The other thing would be not to wear slippers with the open front as the sole part gets caught under rugs or mats. That is my preferred slipper but had to stop wearing them. I have never fallen yet but am super careful.


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## Kika (Apr 3, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> the only thing I don't have is the ability to have items stored in cupboards at waist level ?


This just reminded me of something.  Years back after my mother died and my father was living alone,
during one of my every 4-6 month visits I noticed that his kitchen counters were very cluttered.  I asked him if it was ok if I reorganized the cabinets, tossed some things to make room for everything.
He said his shoulders hurt and he could not lift them to get things.  Everything he routinely used was on the counters for easy access.  I bought some wire shelves meant for cabinets so there was some organization, and he still did not have to raise his arms.


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## Manatee (Apr 3, 2022)

In Maricopa county Arizona the Sheriff's office has the R.U.O.K. program.  You sign up and designate a time.  They call you every day at that time, and if you don't answer, someone is dispatched to find out why.


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## Autumn72 (Apr 5, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> yes it's a concern if you live alone.. you may want to get a personal alarm..such as this..
> 
> https://livelifealarms.com.au/
> 
> do a little research there's quite a few options...


What about Alexis that remote persona?
If Elon could develope a bathroom alarm system to be able by voice to call 911 for you or any setup numbers to fish through to connect you to a live person asap as in a SOS emergency ideal would be a big business for someone with a view to baby boomers multiplying toward seniors would sure be a huge gain for this set of problems.
It sure would help can someone call ELON ASAP on this matter
I bet he could tick this idea off within minutes 
That is my idea if only I could figure out all of the details.


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## Jan14 (Apr 5, 2022)

Have we become a disconnected society?  Is this why we are in this situation that some of us have no one checking in on us.  Very sad.  And who are we not checking in on, that we should be?


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