# Grandchildren and discipline



## Lc jones (Feb 14, 2020)

Hello everyone! I would appreciate getting everyone’s feedback on how they go about if at all in disciplining their grandchildren. I found it’s kind of a tricky road.... how I like to do it is having the parents taking the responsibility and only getting involved if I’m the primary person who is responsible for caring for them and also if we have certain rules in our house and we need to speak to our grandson about following them. Your kind thoughts would be appreciated....


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## StarSong (Feb 14, 2020)

Just as my parents and in-laws didn't discipline my children, I do not disciple my grands.   

When they are rambunctious or otherwise over the line we'll remind them of our rules, then change the activity. We don't punish, give time-outs, or strongly scold.


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## JustBonee (Feb 14, 2020)

In general,  my grandkids have  parents who have disciplined them well,   and set ground rules for their behavior.    
When in my care,  if needed,  I just reinforce what they have been taught at home.    No issues with confusion that way.


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## DaveA (Feb 14, 2020)

I don't discipline them today.  Now that some of them are in  their 30's and early 40's It would be too embarrassing to do it in front of their wives/husbands and children.  When they were a bit younger, I might have made a few suggestions.


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## treeguy64 (Feb 14, 2020)

No disciplinary actions, on my part, because their parents are always around.  I did my time in the trenches of parenthood, and have no desire to go another round. I'm never alone with the grandkids, no sitting, my choice.  With my kids, I spanked each one, one time, and regret that, to this day.  Violence, of any kind, only begets more violence.


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## win231 (Feb 14, 2020)

treeguy64 said:


> No disciplinary actions, on my part, because their parents are always around.  I did my time in the trenches of parenthood, and have no desire to go another round. I'm never alone with the grandkids, no sitting, my choice.  With my kids, I spanked each one, one time, and regret that, to this day.  Violence, of any kind, only begets more violence.


Quite rare to hear someone say they regret spanking their kids.  Almost every parent thinks it was the right thing to do - which it isn't.


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## C'est Moi (Feb 14, 2020)

win231 said:


> Quite rare to hear someone say they regret spanking their kids.  Almost every parent thinks it was the right thing to do - which it isn't.


Do you have children?


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## C'est Moi (Feb 14, 2020)

If my grandchildren were left in my care (without their parents around), I'd certainly discipline them if necessary.  "Discipline" in this house typically amounts to discussing the behavior and setting expectations, which is seldom if ever required.  Thankfully my children are great parents and my grandkids are well-behaved.


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## Don M. (Feb 14, 2020)

We have a couple of the great grandkids stay here, for a day or two, about once a month.  The oldest, 13, either does some sewing with my wife, or takes over my computer for a couple of hours...playing games, while the youngest, 7, scatters toys all over the house.  The youngest is full of energy, and we have to constantly reminder her to slow down and don't run....so she doesn't hurt herself, or break something.  About the only issue is getting the little one to pick up all the toys when it's time to go back home.


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## toffee (Feb 14, 2020)

dont think I have had too---mine are older so not a issue ' if you look after a child not sure of the age =if its in your home 

house rules is needed -I would have a word with their mother making it very clear about your gran son ...this is hard one as we dont now what yours is up too..

maybe he finds you are a walk over 'if so let him have all guns blazing lol ..


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## Pinky (Feb 14, 2020)

Don M. said:


> We have a couple of the great grandkids stay here, for a day or two, about once a month.  The oldest, 13, either does some sewing with my wife, or takes over my computer for a couple of hours...playing games, while the youngest, 7, scatters toys all over the house.  The youngest is full of energy, and we have to constantly reminder her to slow down and don't run....so she doesn't hurt herself, or break something.  About the only issue is getting the little one to pick up all the toys when it's time to go back home.


Maybe the little one knows that once the toys are picked up, it is time to leave .. and she doesn't want to leave?


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## Ruth n Jersey (Feb 14, 2020)

I don't discipline my grand kids, my daughter and son in law take care of that. They are well behaved. Actually sometimes I have to bite my lip because I think they can be a little to strict. 
Just this past Christmas one of them got a little rambunctious and was told to go to his room to calm down. It wasn't for long but my heart went out to him.

I didn't say a word, he wasn't being hurt so I just let it go.


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## win231 (Feb 14, 2020)

C'est Moi said:


> Do you have children?


I raised my niece & nephew when their parents split up.


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## Gary O' (Feb 15, 2020)

*Grandchildren and discipline*

Don't know
My lady smothers them so, none of us has a chance to breathe, let alone act up
When they are around, activities/schedules change
It's why I have a shop

Never had to spank a little one in my life
My face and quiet words has always been enough


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## old medic (Feb 15, 2020)

Grandson is 8, spends alot of time with us, and both his parents (separated) have given us permission to tan his hide if he needs it. 
So far hes gotten a few swats on the bottom as a toddler, things taken away or sitting out for a few minutes, But 99% of the time he is well behaved...


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## C'est Moi (Feb 15, 2020)

Seems that some people are equating "discipline" with "punishment."   Disciplining a child can be as simple as saying "NO!" when they reach for an open flame.  Positive discipline is based on praise and encouragement.  So I'd suspect that most grandparents practice some level of discipline with their grandchildren.


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## Lc jones (Feb 16, 2020)

Gary O' said:


> *Grandchildren and discipline*
> 
> Don't know
> My lady smothers them so, none of us has a chance to breathe, let alone act up
> ...


That would definitely do the job, LOL!


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## Judycat (Feb 16, 2020)

My oldest grandchild is going to have problems because everyone dotes on him. He's only 2, but last time I was over he started with the dropping food on the floor instead of eating it routine. He demanded blueberries, so my son washed off a handful and gave it to him. He looked at me and said mmmm blueberries, then dropped one on the floor. I looked back at him and said, tough luck kid it's going to stay on the floor, you won't be eating that blueberry or any blueberries you drop on the floor. He quit and went into deep thought over that one.


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## Lakeland living (Feb 17, 2020)

Never spanked any kiddies, always found different ways to umm persuade a change.  My favorite I have to admit was the teenager toss. My record was about 15 ft, not to worry it was always into the lake to cool them off.


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## Sassycakes (Feb 17, 2020)

*I was lucky when I was raising my children. All I had to do when they misbehaved was give them the look and they knew they had done something wrong. As far as my grandchildren when my son's boys were young I watched them everyday and then watched them after school and every day in the summer. They were very obedient and never needed discipline. They are both grown now. One is 23yrs old and the other is 21yrs old. They treat me with great respect. Now my daughters little girl in 9yrs old. she tries to negotiate with me to get her way. If I say "No" she will give me reasons why she should do what she wants, but in the end she listens to me. I think their parents taught them well and it made it easy for me to watch them.*


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## JaniceM (Feb 19, 2020)

Lc jones said:


> Hello everyone! I would appreciate getting everyone’s feedback on how they go about if at all in disciplining their grandchildren. I found it’s kind of a tricky road.... how I like to do it is having the parents taking the responsibility and only getting involved if I’m the primary person who is responsible for caring for them and also if we have certain rules in our house and we need to speak to our grandson about following them. Your kind thoughts would be appreciated....



One of the few things I agreed with my parents about was the approach that parents make the rules and parents are in charge, regardless of whether the parents are actually present or not.  So I've always believed if someone else is looking after a child, he or she should abide by the parent's wishes, and if a child shows horrible behavior the caregiver should inform the parent and let the parent deal with it.  
I've never believed in (or approved of) the approach that whatever adult is present has the authority, and feel it's flat-out wrong.  It undermines the parents, and kids can be confused when whatever rules they're expected to follow depends on who's looking after them.


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## oldman (Feb 19, 2020)

Like many other grandparents, we just talk to them and try to reason with them. Explain the rules and be firm, but not threatening. That phase has passed. My youngest grandchild is now 14.


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