# New Friends



## officerripley (Nov 9, 2020)

Just curious so would love it if you care to share the circumstances of the last time(s) when you made a new friend as an adult.


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## jujube (Nov 9, 2020)

A single woman bought the house across from ours. We have become friendly.


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## bowmore (Nov 9, 2020)

Sure- I was at a birthday party for a neighbor, and I was chatting with one of the guests. I happened to mention I was a pilot flying for Angel Flight West, flying patients. She mentioned that her husband loved to fly, but could not because he has Parkinson's.
I told her I would love to fly with him, and she teared up with gladness.
Well, as they said at the end of Casablanca, this was the start of a beautiful friendship. We started flying missions together, and flew over 200 hours flying patients to and from their distant appointments. In fact, at a meeting of pilots, we were awarded a
"Joined at the Hip" Certificate.
Then, our RR society was given an old switch engine, and we spent two years working on it to getting it running.
Sadly, he has decided to move back East next year, but I am sure we will keep in touch.


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## Pecos (Nov 9, 2020)

I kept running into a pair of ladies during my daily walks. They are both in their mid 80's and have great senses of humor. Their dogs decided that I was a good guy right off the bat. After numerous bull sessions and a lot of laughter, we made arrangements for them to come by the house and meet my wife and our dogs. We now have four new friends.


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## Phoenix (Nov 17, 2020)

I live in the boonies and go just  about nowhere.  So new in-person friends are few.  My more recent friends are those I've made online.


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## MarciKS (Nov 17, 2020)

Last time I made a friend I thought she was joking. I was pretty leery. I didn't trust her at first. I should've went with my first instinct. People have a tendency to befriend me for just so long and then they just leave. I become non-existent...unnecessary...too much work. That friend wasn't long for our relationship. Six months in she quit answering me on messenger except for once every month or two. Then she took to ignoring me. Then I moved and she messaged me once or twice but when I responded I got nothing. Then she made some crack about it takes two when I was the only one keeping the contact going.

I have basically washed my hands of the idea of friendships. People say an awful lot of crap they don't mean. I don't care for sugar coating. I am always the one who has to do all the reaching out and then I get ignored or I get excuses. I tried to keep in touch with my people from back home but that turned out to be a bust. It started before I moved here so I was just waiting to see what was gonna happen.

One friend I had for 25 years dumps me every time he falls in love. Then when they break up he remembers me and he's missed me so much. Whatever. I haven't heard from him in nearly a year. I'm over it. I don't like being used and then tossed aside like an old toy while they run after the shiny new.

Sorry if I'm being a downer.


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## officerripley (Nov 17, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> Last time I made a friend I thought she was joking. I was pretty leery. I didn't trust her at first. I should've went with my first instinct. People have a tendency to befriend me for just so long and then they just leave. I become non-existent...unnecessary...too much work. That friend wasn't long for our relationship. Six months in she quit answering me on messenger except for once every month or two. Then she took to ignoring me. Then I moved and she messaged me once or twice but when I responded I got nothing. Then she made some crack about it takes two when I was the only one keeping the contact going.
> 
> I have basically washed my hands of the idea of friendships. People say an awful lot of crap they don't mean. I don't care for sugar coating. I am always the one who has to do all the reaching out and then I get ignored or I get excuses. I tried to keep in touch with my people from back home but that turned out to be a bust. It started before I moved here so I was just waiting to see what was gonna happen.
> 
> ...


Some of that's been happening to me too. They keep telling you that if you want to make friends, volunteer. Welp. The place I volunteered at for about 10 years--back before COVID--I tried making friends with one person; we went to lunch about 3 times; I had begun to realize that we were running out of things to talk about (our life situations are enuff different), decided not to ask her to lunch anymore (after 2 cancellations on her part); my huzz convinced me to ask her one more time; I did; she said okay & then cancelled again. So I didn't ask her any more. So then we start up with her trying her darndest to avoid me. Sigh. Then she sidles up to me one day & says "You keep asking me and asking me to go to lunch." ["Asking and asking": I asked her 3 times & the last time only becuz my huzz talked me into it but whatever.] "And you know, I just don't think--well, actually I *know* I can't do lunches with you anymore; there's some stuff going on and well, you know how it is..." I said "Oh, yeah, sure, no problem." She looked so damn relieved that it kinda broke my heart but whatever.

Then another volunteer there later I thought was sort of making friendship overtures toward me; keep coming over & talking to me; asked if she could join me and some gals from my book club on the women's march; she came along on the march; everything seemed to be fine; I invited her to come along to the book club sometime, told her I thought she might like it; and she got a great big frown on her face & said, "Oh, no, I am *not* interested in your book club," and then began to avoid me like the 1st gal did. So I guess sometimes people act friendly but they're not interested in being actual friends, they're just using you for a listening partner or someone to go somewhere with so they don't have to go alone but then they're done with you.

So I've pretty much washed my hands of it too. If something kind of falls into my lap, I may not turn it down but I am so tired of the effort that doesn't go anywhere. Makes me sad but I am soooo tired of it. When you get old enough, you (me, anyway) begin to feel like that isn't that much time left to be wasting it by getting your hopes up and then nothing.


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## MarciKS (Nov 17, 2020)

officerripley said:


> Some of that's been happening to me too. They keep telling you that if you want to make friends, volunteer. Welp. The place I volunteered at for about 10 years--back before COVID--I tried making friends with one person; we went to lunch about 3 times; I had begun to realize that we were running out of things to talk about (our life situations are enuff different), decided not to ask her to lunch anymore (after 2 cancellations on her part); my huzz convinced me to ask her one more time; I did; she said okay & then cancelled again. So I didn't ask her any more. So then we start up with her trying her darndest to avoid me. Sigh. Then she sidles up to me one day & says "You keep asking me and asking me to go to lunch." ["Asking and asking": I asked her 3 times & the last time only becuz my huzz talked me into it but whatever.] "And you know, I just don't think--well, actually I *know* I can't do lunches with you anymore; there's some stuff going on and well, you know how it is..." I said "Oh, yeah, sure, no problem." She looked so damn relieved that it kinda broke my heart but whatever.
> 
> Then another volunteer there later I thought was sort of making friendship overtures toward me; keep coming over & talking to me; asked if she could join me and some gals from my book club on the women's march; she came along on the march; everything seemed to be fine; I invited her to come along to the book club sometime, told her I thought she might like it; and she got a great big frown on her face & said, "Oh, no, I am *not* interested in your book club," and then began to avoid me like the 1st gal did. So I guess sometimes people act friendly but they're not interested in being actual friends, they're just using you for a listening partner or someone to go somewhere with so they don't have to go alone but then they're done with you.
> 
> So I've pretty much washed my hands of it too. If something kind of falls into my lap, I may not turn it down but I am so tired of the effort that doesn't go anywhere. Makes me sad but I am soooo tired of it. When you get old enough, you (me, anyway) begin to feel like that isn't that much time left to be wasting it by getting your hopes up and then nothing.


Same here. I've had a few do that crap to me too. It's a pain in the neck going to all that effort for nothing. Time you never get back. LOL


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## Tish (Nov 17, 2020)

Sure, Car Show 6 months ago I went along to take pictures of the member's cars so I could update their website, I noticed a new car there The gentleman that owned it came around to ask me what I was doing, well anyway we got talking and have become friends since.


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## Phoenix (Nov 18, 2020)

I've found that as I grew and changed, my friendships had to change too.  True friendships are hard to find and keep.  There have been only a few for me.


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## hollydolly (Nov 18, 2020)

*At work...*


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## asp3 (Nov 18, 2020)

It really depends on what you consider a friend to be.  I think most of the folks who've been in my life have been acquaintances and activity partners more than friends.  I think the last person I really considered a friend died about 10 years ago.  He and I had known each other since 8th grade but became much better friends in college.  The other friends during high school and college have moved away and we rarely stay in contact.

I fault myself with not being a very good friend.  I don't really make much effort to reach out to people who aren't in my life on a regular basis.

I do make acquaintanceships with people at work and sometimes even do things with them outside of the work environment but not that often.

So your question might not be a good one for me to answer because I think that I don't rate friendship highly enough to be a good measure of the ease or difficulty of making friends as an adult.

I do wish that I did have more friends, but I have yet to be bothered enough to try to do anything about it.


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## Pecos (Nov 18, 2020)

Phoenix said:


> I've found that as I grew and changed, my friendships had to change too.  True friendships are hard to find and keep.  There have been only a few for me.


Same here and for a variety of reasons.


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## Aneeda72 (Nov 18, 2020)

Well, we moved here in February so people act like you have the plague, which you might .  Made a few acquaintances in the hood, but they are old, I am old, and there is the virus so it just, hi, wave, and on your way.

On the other hand, there are some people on the forum that I’d love to visit and have buy me lunch .  I’m a cheap date, I like fast food.  But, until the virus is over, well, my recliner is my best friend.  I am missing the dog a LOT.  He was a good listener.

My children say I should buy a small dog.    He and the other one were supposed to be small dogs.  But I can’t afford a dog right now, even a small one.  . Things are just too expensive.  Where is my stimulus check?  Gimme Gimme Gimme a stimulus check


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## tbeltrans (Nov 18, 2020)

asp3 said:


> It really depends on what you consider a friend to be.  I think most of the folks who've been in my life have been acquaintances and activity partners more than friends.  I think the last person I really considered a friend died about 10 years ago.  He and I had known each other since 8th grade but became much better friends in college.  The other friends during high school and college have moved away and we rarely stay in contact.
> 
> I fault myself with not being a very good friend.  I don't really make much effort to reach out to people who aren't in my life on a regular basis.
> 
> ...


I have often wondered, when people refer to having "friends", what they really mean by that.  I also consider that most people I know are acquaintances, and very few to be "friends".  The reason is the meaning I attach to each term.  To me, friends are like family, a closeness reserved for only those few I fully trust, and trust is mutually earned.

This is not me being cynical, but instead realistic about it.  I am not particularly gregarious, so I don't have a lot of people coming into and out of, my life all that time.  Usually, I meet people through whatever club or group I belong in, or my condo association.

There are a few folks that I used to work with when I worked full time, that I still get together with for lunch from time to time, but again, these are acquaintances.  I can't honestly think of any true friends in my life currently, but that really isn't an issue for me.  If it was, then I would do something about that.

Tony


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