# How my son can come out of this problem



## SpencerWalker (Jul 8, 2016)

My son is living with his wife's family. He has a beautiful 5 years old daughter. From few months, He has serious issues with his wife and her family. He was very sad and feeling depressed when came to meet me. I don't have any idea to solve his problem.


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## Shalimar (Jul 8, 2016)

Hi Spencer, has your son shared his problems with you? Sometimes just listening gives the other person new strength. We all need to feel loved and heard.


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## SpencerWalker (Jul 8, 2016)

Yes, he shared his problem with me. He wants to take a divorce from his wife. I have tried to understand him. But he is very sad. I cannot see her in grief.


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## Shalimar (Jul 8, 2016)

Being a parent is hard. We want our children's lives to be  better than our own. It hurts us to see them unhappy. If he truly wants a divorce it is better for his child to have parents who live apart and love her, than to live in a house of misery. I stayed with my son's father too long because I didn't want to break up our family. I only left when I started to go crazy.


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## SpencerWalker (Jul 8, 2016)

Yes, it is very difficult to see the child unhappy.


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## Southern Gentleman (Jul 8, 2016)

SpencerWalker said:


> Yes, he shared his problem with me. He wants to take a divorce from his wife. I have tried to understand him. But he is very sad. I cannot see her in grief.


A divorce is extremely difficult.  With a child involved there is no finality to it. Best wishes to him...


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## AutumnOfMyLife (Jul 8, 2016)

SpencerWalker said:


> My son is living with his wife's family. He has a beautiful 5 years old daughter. From few months, He has serious issues with his wife and her family. He was very sad and feeling depressed when came to meet me. I don't have any idea to solve his problem.


 What do you think he should do?


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## fureverywhere (Jul 8, 2016)

I don't know, is it possible one of the contributing problems living with his in-laws? Me and hubby lived with my in-laws a few times over the years and it was crazy. Maybe your son could keep his family together somehow if they had their own place?


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## Butterfly (Jul 8, 2016)

fureverywhere said:


> I don't know, is it possible one of the contributing problems living with his in-laws? Me and hubby lived with my in-laws a few times over the years and it was crazy. Maybe your son could keep his family together somehow if they had their own place?



I agree.  They'd probably be a lot better off on their own, not living with in-laws.  SpencerWalker, could they move out?  Is there a reason they are living with her family?  It's almost impossible to be an autonomous family unit when you're living with in-laws -- it's like you're still somebody's kid, rather than an adult living your own life and dealing with your life and problems on your own terms.


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## SeaBreeze (Jul 8, 2016)

I agree with Butterfly and Fur about moving out of the wife's parent's home.  Spencer, do you think that's a big contributor to his marital problems?  Is it possible for him to get his own place with his own family?  Is there interest in someone outside the marriage?

  Living under his in-laws roof and rule is likely depressing in itself and lowers his self-esteem, even if they are nice people and treat him well.  I understand how concerned you must be, I think if he had to move away from his daughter it would be devastating for him.  If it's only been the past few months, there's still hope.


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## SpencerWalker (Jul 8, 2016)

My son had asked to her wife to shift to other place but she refused to go there. This is why and his wife's family is supporting her decision.


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## Shalimar (Jul 8, 2016)

Sooo, what, of any, reasons did his wife give for not being willing to relocate?


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## Butterfly (Jul 9, 2016)

Well, I've been accused of being sort of a hardass about things like this, but I don't see how they can have a successful marriage if the wife is unwilling to leave her family's home.  I think going out and having your OWN family unit is a big part of the whole marriage thing -- if she's not willing to do that, then it's not much of a marriage, IMHO.  I certainly wouldn't want to stay in a situation like that.


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## SpencerWalker (Jul 10, 2016)

Your are right Butterfly. Yesterday I had a call of my son and he has decided to live separate from her wife and her family. He is relocating to New Jersey and he is saying me to come with him. Me and my wife has to leave the tennysoncourt and to find another home for seniors in New Jersey.


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## Shalimar (Jul 10, 2016)

Well, it seems as if your son has made his decision. I can't imagine staying  in the same house with his wife's  inlaws. I hope you enjoy living in New Jersey. I think you are a very loving father.


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## SpencerWalker (Jul 11, 2016)

Thanks for your compliment.


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## Butterfly (Jul 11, 2016)

SpencerWalker said:


> Your are right Butterfly. Yesterday I had a call of my son and he has decided to live separate from her wife and her family. He is relocating to New Jersey and he is saying me to come with him. Me and my wife has to leave the tennysoncourt and to find another home for seniors in New Jersey.



Do you HAVE to go with him -- doesn't seem fair to you if you really like it where you are.


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## SpencerWalker (Jul 11, 2016)

I want see my son happy if he says me to live there, I cannot deny him. I don't want see a sad face of my lovely son. That's why I agreed to go there.


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## Debby (Jul 11, 2016)

Well if you're going to move, let me assure you that it won't be long and you'll have a new and comfortable routine happening in your life and you'll begin to feel at home.  I've moved so many times, I've lost track so take my word for it on the routines adjustment.  The only place you and I might differ is that I don't have the hold of a platoon of friends to be leaving.  I'm kind of a private person and my best friends are my daughters and my husband.  Him I take with me layful: and because our girls and I talk constantly on the phone and have great relationships despite all the miles between us, I don't lose out on that score.  I'm hoping that it's the same for you that way.

As for your son, well, sometimes we pick the wrong person the first time around.  My husband did that and once I nabbed him, he was with the right person (we like to joke around and say '42 miserable years'....of bliss) and my youngest was married to a guy that was ok but not the right one which resulted in 10 years of moroseness and aggravation but now she's with a guy that makes her heart light up so sounds like your son will be better off in the long run.  Good that he has you and I hope he knows that.  Actually sounds like he does or he wouldn't have suggested you come along.


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## SpencerWalker (Jul 12, 2016)

You are right Debby


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## debbie in seattle (Jul 12, 2016)

What happens if you move with your son and then he and the wife reconcile and he moves again?


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## Bonzo (Jul 13, 2016)

Your son needs to. Live his own life
he can't have you moving with him 
all the time he's got his life you've got yours
time for him to stand on his own two feet 
meet. Someone else make a new life for himself


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