# Stink Eye for the Old Guy: Cynicism and Aging



## SifuPhil (Feb 28, 2014)

Something Bee had mentioned in another thread got me to thinking ...

As you have aged, have you found that you have become more cynical and pessimistic? Or have you changed into more of a hopeful, trusting type? An optimistic senior, so to speak?

Or have you stayed the same?

I have certainly become more cynical as I've grown older. I credit my early exposure to the Evils of the Big City for instilling in me a buyer-beware attitude for everything in life. I was stung too many times to blithely skip through life seeing only rainbows and unicorns. My scientific training reinforced in me the need for testing ideas, and only my metaphysical training saved me from becoming too lop-sided in the direction of complete and utter pessimism.

So what about you?


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## i_am_Lois (Feb 28, 2014)

I've become more cynical... and I feel I have plenty of good reasons to feel this way.


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## Bee (Feb 28, 2014)

I hate to say this and I don't wish to offend anyone but I have become more cynical since I joined discussion forums.

In my everyday life away from the internet I would say I am an optimist and prefer to look on the bright side of life.


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## SifuPhil (Feb 28, 2014)

Very good point, Bee - even as one of "them" I've noticed how much of a negative attitude is often displayed on forums.

I really don't know whether it's the nature of the people themselves, their ages, the ability to hide behind their anonymous profile, or whether the Internet is the new town square where everyone gathers to complain.

I also think that as in other forms of media, bad news sells and the bearers stick together - they see happy, optimistic people as the enemy and gang up on them. 

As for a head-count, I'm not sure what that would look like on any scale, neighborhood or global. I've seen a few studies done on the question of "Are you happy?", but they never seem to include a large-enough sampling pool and always seem to question only those whose answer they already support - "confirmational bias" I believe it's called.


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## Rainee (Feb 28, 2014)

Well I guess I  am optimistic  ..I like  to be positive,  cheerful  and I always look for and try to see the best in people and whatever their circumstances are.. my husband is cynical lol he reckons he is not! LOL .. but he is.!! I know  !! he says I am too trusting..~ LOL .but I am what I am.. !


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## Gael (Feb 28, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> Something Bee had mentioned in another thread got me to thinking ...
> 
> As you have aged, have you found that you have become more cynical and pessimistic? Or have you changed into more of a hopeful, trusting type? An optimistic senior, so to speak?
> 
> ...



By nature I'm idealistic but critical. I never was in youth or now a true pessimist.

Certainly as we age we have more accumulated life experiences and the exteme rose colored glasses of youth get pretty smudged. There is too much in this world to ignore in terms of retaining a complete innocence.

But that doesn't necessarily mean we need become cynics. Good still walks the earth and every day you can find or read about inspiring acts by us humans. Good and bad coexist and I see no reason to focus on the bad and ignore the good.


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## Judi.D (Feb 28, 2014)

If I choose to go through life focusing on the negative, then there is plenty of proof for me to focus on. However, if I choose to go through life focusing on the positive, I also have plenty of proof to focus on. My choose is very self-serving, so does that make me cynical? What I have discovered it is not what I go through in life that is important, but how I interpret it. In other words, I have a choice about my attitude. It makes me a whole lot happier.layful:


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## Gael (Feb 28, 2014)

Judi.D said:


> If I choose to go through life focusing on the negative, then there is plenty of proof for me to focus on. However, if I choose to go through life focusing on the positive, I also have plenty of proof to focus on. My choose is very self-serving, so does that make me cynical? What I have discovered it is not what I go through in life that is important, but how I interpret it. In other words, I have a choice about my attitude. It makes me a whole lot happier.layful:



BAng on. It's attitude which I just posted about.


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## SifuPhil (Feb 28, 2014)

Judi.D said:


> If I choose to go through life focusing on the negative, then there is plenty of proof for me to focus on. However, if I choose to go through life focusing on the positive, I also have plenty of proof to focus on. My choose is very self-serving, so does that make me cynical? What I have discovered it is not what I go through in life that is important, but how I interpret it. In other words, I have a choice about my attitude. It makes me a whole lot happier.layful:



I agree we have a choice - in theory, and to a point. 

But I've been in situations where no one but a saint would be able to smile and whistle while it went on around them. With hindsight, sure, we can make events seem large and foreboding or small and insignificant, but in that moment we often give up control of our emotions and our interpretations to the event itself.

I think that's all the more reason for us to constantly be working on developing our minds - so that we can deal with life's little ups and downs.


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## Gael (Feb 28, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> I agree we have a choice - in theory, and to a point.
> 
> But I've been in situations where no one but a saint would be able to smile and whistle while it went on around them. With hindsight, sure, we can make events seem large and foreboding or small and insignificant, but in that moment we often give up control of our emotions and our interpretations to the event itself.
> 
> I think that's all the more reason for us to constantly be working on developing our minds - so that we can deal with life's little ups and downs.



It's unrealistic to expect to be singing zippity doo dahh in the midst of crisis that's for sure. And few respect the cockeyed optimist. For they deny reality.

I like reality that is tempered with idealism. It's possible.


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## Happyflowerlady (Feb 28, 2014)

I try to always look for the good side of whatever happens, so I am waving in from the Optimist side of the fence. This does not mean that I don't have bad days, and sky-is-falling times in my life. 
I try to do my best to treat others right, and while I hope for the same treatment back, I realistically know that doesn't always happen; but choose not to let that affect my treatment of others. 
Regardless of how it works out, I can feel good, knowing I did my best.

As far as for how the world in general is progressing, I guess I am more cynical about that, and it seems that things, pretty much all over the world, are getting worse. 
Never-the-less, I am still going to buy my seeds, and plant my little garden this spring, in the hopes of the world lasting long enough for me to enjoy the tomatoes and cucumbers.


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## Gael (Feb 28, 2014)

Happyflowerlady said:


> I try to always look for the good side of whatever happens, so I am waving in from the Optimist side of the fence. This does not mean that I don't have bad days, and sky-is-falling times in my life.
> I try to do my best to treat others right, and while I hope for the same treatment back, I realistically know that doesn't always happen; but choose not to let that affect my treatment of others.
> Regardless of how it works out, I can feel good, knowing I did my best.
> 
> ...



With that screen name I'd expect nothing less!


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## rt3 (Feb 28, 2014)

I use to be undecided, now I just not sure. I thought the world was going to hell, but several things have changed my mind and there is hope after all.
the increase in teen smoking is certainly promising, I encourage it when ever I get the chance-- it evens the odds for us olderens
gay marriage is a god send-- don't have to worrying about the population getting larger
the 50% increase in obesity in children has leveled of the price of citrus --- a welcome change!
global warming has increased the amount of precipitation in this area increasing my property values.


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## rt3 (Feb 28, 2014)

I forgot the others


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## Gael (Feb 28, 2014)

rt3 said:


> I use to be undecided, now I just not sure. I thought the world was going to hell, but several things have changed my mind and there is hope after all.
> the increase in teen smoking is certainly promising, I encourage it when ever I get the chance-- it evens the odds for us olderens
> gay marriage is a god send-- don't have to worrying about the population getting larger
> the 50% increase in obesity in children has leveled of the price of citrus --- a welcome change!
> global warming has increased the amount of precipitation in this area increasing my property values.



OK, well that's a unique take on it all!layful:


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## rt3 (Feb 28, 2014)

my wife thinks I'm cynical


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## Gael (Feb 28, 2014)

rt3 said:


> my wife thinks I'm cynical



Ya think?layful:


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## That Guy (Feb 28, 2014)

Less pessimistic and more cynical.


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## Geezerette (Feb 28, 2014)

Definitely more cynical & much less trusting. Got told once too often that I was "too nice" . So I am much less nice now, LOL. I used to be like, oh, sure I'll do it, I don't mind, I'll come in early or stay late, & finally it dawned on me that I was being taken advantage of. I'm not mean or anything, and I do help when it is really needed, but watch out for myself much more & much less, or no, trust in others.


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## SifuPhil (Feb 28, 2014)

Geezerette said:


> Definitely more cynical & much less trusting. Got told once too often that I was "too nice" . So I am much less nice now, LOL. I used to be like, oh, sure I'll do it, I don't mind, I'll come in early or stay late, & finally it dawned on me that I was being taken advantage of. I'm not mean or anything, and I do help when it is really needed, but watch out for myself much more & much less, or no, trust in others.



I know THAT tune quite well! 

If I had a nickel for every time I bought the Brooklyn Bridge, I could afford to give it a nice new paint job.


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## Happyflowerlady (Feb 28, 2014)

I think that there is a major difference between been realistic, and being pessimistic, or cynical. 
Being realistic is an open-eyed and responsible way of looking at what happens in life, and how other people are apt to behave in a given circumstance.
Cynical is more like expecting that same poor behavior from other people, just because that is how you were treated by one person. 

People are all different, some can be trusted, some can't. Saying that all men, or all women can't be trusted just because you had a spouse that was unfaithful, is being cynical. Not trusting the person  who proved them-self untrustworthy, is being practical.  Big difference.
How much chance you want to give a person, is kind of a personal decisioon.  My mom always said she would rather help a person who didn't really need it, than to not help one person who really did need that help. I try to follow that caring about my fellow man, but I do try really hard to decide whether what they are asking for is a real need, or if I am being used.
And once I find that they are not being real with me, then it is all over; but that doesn't stop me from giving the next person a chance to prove their self. 
So overall, I have an optimistic attitude, and I am comfortable with that lifestyle.  I don't want to have to go through life prepared for an unexpected attack. If it comes, it comes; but meantime, I will smell the roses, and enjoy the good times.


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 28, 2014)

I'm basically an optimist, but I am open to looking at reality and acknowledging it for what it's worth, no rose colored glasses here.  Like Phil, I'm from a big city, and have seen a lot of people who aren't so kind and caring, the way I was raised.

As I became older, listening to the news and learning of things in this world that are never reported on the local news, I've lost trust in the "powers that be".  Many friends and coworkers have come to me for advice in times of need, and while I don't blow smoke with them, I advise them to look at the big picture, and that usually puts the problem in a proper perspective.  I haven't become old and cranky...maybe just a bit wiser from all I've seen. 

I do have a sense of humor, and very much enjoy those who are light-hearted and can smile, laugh and show compassion and empathy for others.  :happy:


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## Denise1952 (Feb 28, 2014)

rt3 said:


> I use to be undecided, now I just not sure. I thought the world was going to hell, but several things have changed my mind and there is hope after all.
> the increase in teen smoking is certainly promising, I encourage it when ever I get the chance-- it evens the odds for us olderens
> gay marriage is a god send-- don't have to worrying about the population getting larger
> the 50% increase in obesity in children has leveled of the price of citrus --- a welcome change!
> global warming has increased the amount of precipitation in this area increasing my property values.



This is hilarious, yes, what he said, or she, LOL!!!!!!!!!


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## SifuPhil (Feb 28, 2014)

Happyflowerlady said:


> I think that there is a major difference between been realistic, and being pessimistic, or cynical.
> Being realistic is an open-eyed and responsible way of looking at what happens in life, and how other people are apt to behave in a given circumstance.
> Cynical is more like expecting that same poor behavior from other people, just because that is how you were treated by one person.



I don't think it's necessary to be ill-treated by anyone to become a pessimist, or cynical for that matter - all it takes is observation of the human condition. 



> People are all different, some can be trusted, some can't. Saying that all men, or all women can't be trusted just because you had a spouse that was unfaithful, is being cynical. Not trusting the person  who proved them-self untrustworthy, is being practical.  Big difference.



I think it's a natural protective response, once you've been burned by someone you've given your trust to, to look askance at ALL members of that gender. It isn't fair, it isn't right and it isn't logical, but there you have it - the human condition.



> How much chance you want to give a person, is kind of a personal decisioon.  My mom always said she would rather help a person who didn't really need it, than to not help one person who really did need that help. I try to follow that caring about my fellow man, but I do try really hard to decide whether what they are asking for is a real need, or if I am being used.
> And once I find that they are not being real with me, then it is all over; but that doesn't stop me from giving the next person a chance to prove their self.



An excellent method.



> So overall, I have an optimistic attitude, and I am comfortable with that lifestyle.  I don't want to have to go through life prepared for an unexpected attack. If it comes, it comes; but meantime, I will smell the roses, and enjoy the good times.



Well, now we get into slightly different fields, those of expectations and fears. If I get stung by a wasp, I'm going to be on the lookout for wasps in the future. It doesn't mean I'm constantly spinning around and wearing chain-mail to ward off their attacks; it just means that a tiny little part of my awareness is devoted to wasps. 

Granted it's easy to go overboard - I might lock myself in my windowless room forever to avoid those wasps - and many people do just that, giving the pessimistic personality a bad name.

To me, cynicism and pessimism speak of experience, and my logical assumption was that as you gain more experience (i.e., you get older) you would become more pessimistic due to the increased chances of experiencing bad times. Only a balanced personality can draw upon the optimistic side and allow it to compensate for those evils, but how many of us can honestly say that we're perfectly balanced?

Therefore, I'm first going to react to a given situation in a defensive manner - I'm going to keep my guard up, due to having had bad things happen in the past. This won't shut out the good things that may happen - it will only serve as a doorman, a gatekeeper, to keep out those nasty demons. It allows the good angels to pass. 

Then, when I'm fully convinced of the legitimacy of the angel, I give my all to it. You have to admit, that's a long ways from your typical perception of a hardcore cynic / pessimist.


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## Gael (Mar 1, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> I don't think it's necessary to be ill-treated by anyone to become a pessimist, or cynical for that matter - all it takes is observation of the human condition.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Well put. Finding that balance is what it should be about.


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## Vivjen (Mar 1, 2014)

I don't think us cynics are grumpy......because we can laugh at ourselves..and realise the mistakes we have made are a lot less than most of the rest of the world..


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## GDAD (Mar 1, 2014)

Since I lent a life long friend some money to get his business out of a bind, & never got even 50% back, well!!
His business is going great guns now but still no sign of the rest of the loan, so now YES I AM VERY CYNICAL.
Other friends have noticed the change in me & though we are still great friends they support me.
We all lost one friend!!!!


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## Gael (Mar 1, 2014)

GDAD said:


> Since I lent a life long friend some money to get his business out of a bind, & never got even 50% back, well!!
> His business is going great guns now but still no sign of the rest of the loan, so now YES I AM VERY CYNICAL.
> Other friends have noticed the change in me & though we are still great friends they support me.
> We all lost one friend!!!!



See I would see that as a betrayal by ONE friend and it wouldn't make me cynical about friendships in general. One rotten apple...don't throw out the baby with the bathwater, etc., etc., etc.


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## SifuPhil (Mar 1, 2014)

Gael said:


> See I would see that as a betrayal by ONE friend and it wouldn't make me cynical about friendships in general. One rotten apple...don't throw out the baby with the bathwater, etc., etc., etc.



I never understood that expression - "don't throw out the baby with the bathwater".

I mean, HOW ignorant would you have to be to DO something like that? If you finished bathing the baby and tossed the water out the back door into the yard, don't you think you would NOTICE a soapy baby laying on the grass? 

And if you simply poured the bathwater down the drain, well then, unless you have a mighty large drain there's STILL no harm done, other than having a slippery baby laying in your bathtub. Sure, maybe his big toe could get caught in the drain, but a little Liquid-Plumr should free it up nice and quick.

Honestly, these silly people ...


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## Gael (Mar 1, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> I never understood that expression - "don't throw out the baby with the bathwater".
> 
> I mean, HOW ignorant would you have to be to DO something like that? If you finished bathing the baby and tossed the water out the back door into the yard, don't you think you would NOTICE a soapy baby laying on the grass?
> 
> ...



Speechless, absolutely speechless....:distrust:


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## Pappy (Mar 1, 2014)

Huh ???


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## SifuPhil (Mar 1, 2014)

LOL!

It's a JOKE, son! I made a funny, and you didn't laugh! A JOKE, I say!


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## Gael (Mar 1, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> LOL!
> 
> It's a JOKE, son! I made a funny, and you didn't laugh! A JOKE, I say!
> 
> ...



“That’s a joke, I say that’s a joke son”
Leghorn Foghorn
Used to love him!


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## Denise1952 (Mar 1, 2014)

I was doin good until I joined this site:beerandwhistle:



SifuPhil said:


> Something Bee had mentioned in another thread got me to thinking ...
> 
> As you have aged, have you found that you have become more cynical and pessimistic? Or have you changed into more of a hopeful, trusting type? An optimistic senior, so to speak?
> 
> ...


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## Denise1952 (Mar 1, 2014)

What is stink-eye?  I know it's another stupid thing to do around here, but I don't have a clue??


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## Denise1952 (Mar 1, 2014)

LOL, thar it is, the one that broke the dam.  Well, I'm off to wash another load of panties.




SifuPhil said:


> LOL!
> 
> It's a JOKE, son! I made a funny, and you didn't laugh! A JOKE, I say!
> 
> ...


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## That Guy (Mar 1, 2014)

nwlady said:


> What is stink-eye?  I know it's another stupid thing to do around here, but I don't have a clue??



Along the cliff, we refer to stink-eye as starin' down a stranger you don't want around.

[URL="http://s32.photobucket.com/user/kellewat/media/stinkeye.jpg.html"][IMG]http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d44/kellewat/stinkeye.jpg[/URL][/IMG]


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## Denise1952 (Mar 1, 2014)

LOL, oh I see!  Just glad it's not another "old people's" ailment I hadn't heard about yet.


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## SifuPhil (Mar 1, 2014)

That Guy said:


> Along the cliff, we refer to stink-eye as starin' down a stranger you don't want around.



Over here in The Flats "stink eye" is "The Look" on steroids. Usually given to someone whose brains you desire to see upon the pavement. People have actually been beat up because they had given the stink eye to a stranger. 

*Moral of the story:* spray perfume in your eyes to avoid stink eye.


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## Pappy (Mar 1, 2014)

The perfect example of a "stink eye."


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## SifuPhil (Mar 1, 2014)

There ya' go, Pappy - perfect example! :rofl:


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## Ina (Mar 1, 2014)

What do you think is on her mind?  Mmmmmmmmm?


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## SifuPhil (Mar 1, 2014)

"I wonder if Barrack would give me a Presidential Pardon if I ... "


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## Ina (Mar 1, 2014)

It's a thought! No pardon necessary, at least for Mr. O.


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## SeaBreeze (Mar 1, 2014)

Perfect Pappy!


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## Davey Jones (Mar 1, 2014)

cynical, pessimistic,back stabbers,idealistic, undecided
OK Ill say it.
I have no idea what the heck I am.
Im in a different world then all of you since Im hearing impaired since the age of 3,not deaf ,but its a totally different world out there that I have to deal with   all my life and with the hearing I do have.
Ill explain to you all maybe later,it a long story.


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## That Guy (Mar 1, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> *Moral of the story:* spray perfume in your eyes to avoid stink eye.



???


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## SifuPhil (Mar 1, 2014)

That Guy said:


> ???



No, no, no - he's just trying to be PC. See all the Japanese folk? He has to add some color to the mix with spray paint ... 

*running and hiding*


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## Gael (Mar 2, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> Over here in The Flats "stink eye" is "The Look" on steroids. Usually given to someone whose brains you desire to see upon the pavement. People have actually been beat up because they had given the stink eye to a stranger.
> 
> *Moral of the story:* spray perfume in your eyes to avoid stink eye.



It's also a regional expression I think. They didn't use it much in the northeast where I come from I know.


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## SifuPhil (Mar 2, 2014)

Gael said:


> It's also a regional expression I think. They didn't use it much in the northeast where I come from I know.



Back in NYC there was the "evil eye" -_ malefica_ in Italian. Little old Italian ladies dressed all in black would give you their version of the stink eye, and a day or two later some part of your anatomy would usually wither and fall off. 

"Stink eye" itself I don't remember being in use until at _least_ the late 1980's.


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## Gael (Mar 2, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> Back in NYC there was the "evil eye" -_ malefica_ in Italian. Little old Italian ladies dressed all in black would give you their version of the stink eye, and a day or two later some part of your anatomy would usually wither and fall off.
> 
> "Stink eye" itself I don't remember being in use until at _least_ the late 1980's.



Was around Italians so I know all about that. They used to wear a golden horn, a cornicello, around their necks to ward off the malocchio” (mal=bad occhio=eye) or the evil eye.

Interestingly, the evil eye concept abounds in numerous cultures. 
Well I leave you with..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4e9CkhBb18E


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## SifuPhil (Mar 2, 2014)

Cool - one of the more famous improvised scenes in cinema! 

I totally forgot about the _malocchio_ - don't know how _malefica_ popped into my head ... thanks!


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