# "You are just a man who is yucky"!, (say sayeth my our children,...)



## grahamg (Jul 3, 2022)

"You are just a man who is yucky", (or "He is just a man who is yucky"!

My response:
"Yes I am a man who is yucky, but nonetheless all these things I am besides being undoubtedly yucky.

I am the man chosen by your own mother to be her boyfriend and then she became my fiancée, and her husband for seven years, so all told your mother and I were in what we might have been expected to believe, was a loving relationship, (your mother declaring this to be the case in church in front of your gran, my whole family, and assembled friends and if there is a God, then God too!).

I am the man too, had I not walked this planet, and none of my antecedents walked this planet, then you could not have been born, so I am as unique as that fact demands, and you as my only child are equally unique yourself and unique to me!

That may not seem so important to you, or in any way comparable with the contribution of the man you and your mother declare is the "real daddy", but as the influence of our inheritable characteristics is better understood, (and you will understand far better than I do I would guess), even what happened in our antecedents lives can be somehow passed on to the child, along with their DNA, (my DNA, and my parents DNA making up roughly half your own genetic material of course).   

You may not know it but it is fortunate too that my being called Yucky by you does not stop my loving you, (perhaps you did know that was the case, and in which case I'm glad you had that feeling you could say just as you wished regardless of anything else related to me!).

Your indifference to me once you had revealed to your grandparents, (my parents obviously), the real reason why you didn't see me from the age of twelve, is a greater test of my love I admit, but so what, I would not have wished you to be any different than the person you are, and there may be the slightest of silver linings if all those on this forum who disagree totally with my views on the subject of fathers/parents rights, and the "best interests of he child principle" can be even in the smallest degree, lead to appreciating their own firm opinions might just not be 100% infallible on this subject.

"I can wish for no more", (as this admittedly ""very yucky", and no doubt very annoying man, "who refuses to move on as so many tell him he must do for a plethora of reasons"!  ).


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## Mr. Ed (Jul 8, 2022)

I'm sorry


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## Patricia (Jul 8, 2022)

grahamg said:


> "You are just a man who is yucky", (or "He is just a man who is yucky"!
> 
> My response:
> "Yes I am a man who is yucky, but nonetheless all these things I am besides being undoubtedly yucky.
> ...


My dad always told me that people can say anything but that doesn't make it true.


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## Nathan (Jul 8, 2022)

grahamg said:


> "I can wish for no more", (as this admittedly ""very yucky", and no doubt very annoying man, "who refuses to move on as so many tell him he must do for a plethora of reasons"!


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## Pepper (Jul 8, 2022)

Patricia said:


> My dad always told me that people can say anything but that doesn't make it true.


You're new here.................


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## Patricia (Jul 8, 2022)

Pepper said:


> You're new here.................


Oh wow, I was seeking a place to relax from drama. Maybe there is no such place.


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## grahamg (Jul 8, 2022)

Patricia said:


> Oh wow, I was seeking a place to relax from drama. Maybe there is no such place.


Don't worry overly, (you're more than likely going to be offered an olive branch followed by another trashing "as the mood takes them"!).


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## Lavinia (Jul 8, 2022)

grahamg said:


> Don't worry overly, (you're more than likely going to be offered an olive branch followed by another trashing "as the mood takes them"!).


You're dealing with emotional beings, not robots.


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## grahamg (Jul 8, 2022)

Lavinia said:


> You're dealing with emotional beings, not robots.


What makes you think that I think otherwise, (just being slightly curious as I've no idea what might have prompted your response, "or do you think you're somehow protecting the sisterhood"?)?


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## Patricia (Jul 8, 2022)

grahamg said:


> What makes you think that I think otherwise, (just being slightly curious as I've no idea what might have prompted your response, "or do you think you're somehow protecting the sisterhood"?)?


I don't know what to make of all of this, so maybe you will tell me?


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## Blessed (Jul 8, 2022)

@grahamg , take it easy, she does not know you yet.  @Patricia, Graham is a interesting fellow.  I am still trying to figure him out. He can be quite interesting and endearing in his way.


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## Patricia (Jul 8, 2022)

grahamg said:


> Don't worry overly, (you're more than likely going to be offered an olive branch followed by another trashing "as the mood takes them"!).


Oh wow, I guess I am confused.


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## grahamg (Jul 9, 2022)

Grahamg wrote:
"What makes you think that I think otherwise, (just being slightly curious as I've no idea what might have prompted your response, "or do you think you're somehow protecting the sisterhood"?)?" 


Patricia said:


> I don't know what to make of all of this, so maybe you will tell me?


No problem at all giving an explanation and it is that on other threads in the fairly recent past, (concerned with parental rights/fathers rights etc.), there has appeared to me to be a bit of polarisation and a tendency for a few forum members to wade in on behalf of others, (hence the "sisterhood reference"!).
However, some of those I felt indulged themselves in this kind of thing, have posted on completely unconnected thread topics, without choosing to be "nasty" to anyone, so overall nothing at all to worry about really!


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## Patricia (Jul 9, 2022)

grahamg said:


> Grahamg wrote:
> "What makes you think that I think otherwise, (just being slightly curious as I've no idea what might have prompted your response, "or do you think you're somehow protecting the sisterhood"?)?"
> 
> No problem at all giving an explanation and it is that on other threads in the fairly recent past, (concerned with parental rights/fathers rights etc.), there has appeared to me to be a bit of polarisation and a tendency for a few forum members to wade in on behalf of others, (hence the "sisterhood reference"!).
> However, some of those I felt indulged themselves in this kind of thing, have posted on completely unconnected thread topics, without choosing to be "nasty" to anyone, so overall nothing at all to worry about really!


All here seems on the light side. That's good.


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## Tish (Jul 9, 2022)

@grahamg so glad you can take what a 12-year-old child once called you and still love that child unconditionally.


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## grahamg (Jul 9, 2022)

Tish said:


> @grahamg so glad you can take what a 12-year-old child once called you and still love that child unconditionally.


I'm of the opinion "unconditional love" is the only true kind too, (but admit I'm being pushed to the limit by the current preference for showing "indifference"!).


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## Tish (Jul 9, 2022)

@grahamg I understand.


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## grahamg (Jul 9, 2022)

Tish said:


> @grahamg I understand.


I found a new picture of my daughter and her new baby on a social media site this morning, both mother and baby looking very relaxed and happy, so there is much to be thankful for that this is how life is for her and her family!


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## Jan14 (Jul 9, 2022)

I have experienced separation from my children for periods of time.  I just told myself I had to love them from afar, as you are clearly doing.  Of course this was during much grief.  Don’t give up hope. There is always that.   I barely see my children or grandchildren now.  I’m lucky to get a phone call.  I talk to a lot  of people where this seems to be the norm.  But not seeing her since age 12 is heart breaking.


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## Patricia (Jul 9, 2022)

grahamg said:


> I found a new picture of my daughter and her new baby on a social media site this morning, both mother and baby looking very relaxed and happy, so there is much to be thankful for that this is how life is for her and her family!


Maybe the baby will look just like you, like a little souvenir for your ex.


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## Knight (Jul 9, 2022)

Quote
"I am the man chosen by your own mother to be her boyfriend and then she became my fiancée, and her husband for seven years, so all told your mother and I were in what we might have been expected to believe, was a loving relationship, (your mother declaring this to be the case in church in front of your gran, my whole family, and assembled friends and if there is a God, then God too!)."

What happened to change from being the husband of choice to your self described Yucky Man?


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## grahamg (Jul 9, 2022)

Knight said:


> Quote
> "I am the man chosen by your own mother to be her boyfriend and then she became my fiancée, and her husband for seven years, so all told your mother and I were in what we might have been expected to believe, was a loving relationship, (your mother declaring this to be the case in church in front of your gran, my whole family, and assembled friends and if there is a God, then God too!)."
> 
> What happened to change from being the husband of choice to your self described Yucky Man?


I mean this, you do ask good questions, but in fairness I could probably write a small booklet trying to explain why my then wife turned to hating me, as she most certainly did, whilst I still loved her for up to two years after she'd left me for another!

I can give you some maybe obvious comments, things you realise with the benefit of hindsight, such as before we were married we split once, and though she rang to make contact again there was no real reason given as to the change of heart on her part, when going to one of my sisters weddings she almost split from me on that day, and to round off our four year courtship, an hour or so before we married she rang to say she wasn't coming!!

The other question in your mind maybe is was there any domestic violence, and the answer is no, and nor were there any accusations of such behaviour on either side, at any stage, though I'd say "I was scared of my wife psychologically"!

The turn around from planning our first, (and obviously) only child, to my wife becoming distant from me etc., took place when our daughter was only about eighteen months old, and a works Christmas party my then wife attended was where the beggings of her affair leading to the marriage breakdown occurred, (my MIL actually pointing out the risk to me when she saw my wife dressed up for the occasion).

Do you feel any wiser now, what happened to me is happening all over the western world at least with monotonous frequency, and no end in site, and I could point to the undermining of religions, (my ex being an atheist I think it fair to say, as is our daughter), and our thoroughly flimsy no fault divorce laws, where in my case " the injured party" doesn't even have to have been informed their wife/husband is divorcing them till the last minute, does augur well for the future.


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## grahamg (Jul 9, 2022)

Patricia said:


> Maybe the baby will look just like you, like a little souvenir for your ex.


He looks just like his two brothers, and all three appear to me very much like their dad, (who I very much approve of I'm glad to say), so no my ex lprobably hasn't got that souvenir to trouble her too much!


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## Patricia (Jul 10, 2022)

grahamg said:


> He looks just like his two brothers, and all three appear to me very much like their dad, (who I very much approve of I'm glad to say), so no my ex lprobably hasn't got that souvenir to trouble her too much!


Congratulations


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## oldman (Jul 10, 2022)

M


Patricia said:


> My dad always told me that people can say anything but that doesn't make it true.


My mom told me the same thing. When I was a little boy, I told my mom that Bruce (my best friend at the time) called me a name. My mom said “Just because someone says you are something doesn’t make it true.” I have always lived by those words.


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## oldman (Jul 10, 2022)

What does it mean to be “yucky?”


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## Pepper (Jul 10, 2022)

oldman said:


> What does it mean to be “yucky?”


How could you not know?


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## Pepper (Jul 10, 2022)

What's another word for yucky?

In this page you can discover 26 synonyms, antonyms, idiomatic expressions, and related words for yucky, like: *skanky, uncongenial, icky, repelling, unpleasant, disgusting, disgustful, foul, revolting, yukky and unsympathetic*.

Best 26 synonyms for yucky - Thesaurus​


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## Gary O' (Jul 10, 2022)

oldman said:


> What does it mean to be “yucky?”


I was working in the back yard
Heard a tiny voice coming thru the fence
'Where's your shirt?'

Saw a tiny eye and nose of a 5 year old little lady 'tween the fence boards

'I like to feel the sun on my wrinkly old skin'

'Well, put it on......nobody wants to see that!'

I think 'Yucky' applies here


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## oldman (Jul 10, 2022)

Pepper said:


> What's another word for yucky?
> 
> In this page you can discover 26 synonyms, antonyms, idiomatic expressions, and related words for yucky, like: *skanky, uncongenial, icky, repelling, unpleasant, disgusting, disgustful, foul, revolting, yukky and unsympathetic*.
> Best 26 synonyms for yucky - Thesaurus​


I don’t believe that I fit into any of those names.


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## Pepper (Jul 10, 2022)

oldman said:


> I don’t believe that I fit into any of those names.


You?  Of course you don't!


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## Lavinia (Jul 10, 2022)

Blessed said:


> @grahamg , take it easy, she does not know you yet.  @Patricia, Graham is a interesting fellow.  I am still trying to figure him out. He can be quite interesting and endearing in his way.


....but  obsessed. I'm wondering if obsession is a sign of mental decline.


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## Knight (Jul 10, 2022)

grahamg said:


> I mean this, you do ask good questions, but in fairness I could probably write a small booklet trying to explain why my then wife turned to hating me, as she most certainly did, whilst I still loved her for up to two years after she'd left me for another!


You posted
Quote
My response:
"Yes I am a man who is yucky, but nonetheless all these things I am besides being undoubtedly yucky."


https://thesaurus.yourdictionary.com/yucky

skanky, uncongenial, icky, repelling, unpleasant, disgusting, disgustful, foul, revolting, yukky and unsympathetic.

How many of those would you attribute to your self before getting married to the woman that obviously had doubts before marrying you. How many would your attribute to her if any.

Last at what point did you consider yourself to be yucky?


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## grahamg (Jul 10, 2022)

Knight said:


> You posted
> Quote
> My response:
> "Yes I am a man who is yucky, but nonetheless all these things I am besides being undoubtedly yucky."
> ...


"Last week"!!!!, (or whenever it was I posted the OP!).

I decided to say I was "yucky" in order to try to frame my arguments in the way I wished, though could argue most men, certainly farmers, could be judged to be yucky by members of the opposite s*x at some times in their lives.

I've a mate who I'd describe as a serial charmer/chaser of attractive women, and when busy doing his farming, (i.e. the normal state of affairs), he is almost always to be found smelling of cow manure, if not covered in the stuff. None of this seems to put women off though!

My ex not yucky no, answer good enough yet?


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## grahamg (Jul 10, 2022)

Lavinia said:


> ....but  obsessed. I'm wondering if obsession is a sign of mental decline.


My guess is you wonder a whole lot of things about a whole lot of people, and none of your wondering make you a better person!


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## Knight (Jul 10, 2022)

grahamg said:


> "Last week"!!!!, (or whenever it was I posted the OP!).
> 
> I decided to say I was "yucky" in order to try to frame my arguments in the way I wished, though could argue most men, certainly farmers, could be judged to be yucky by members of the opposite s*x at some times in their lives.
> 
> ...


Not really. Trying to understand why & when you decided you were yucky.

Are you comparing yourself to the farmer in a negative way since you consider  you posted his smelling like cow manure doesn't turn  women off. 

Not even understanding what argument you are trying to express.


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## Nathan (Jul 10, 2022)

Lavinia said:


> ....but  obsessed. I'm wondering if obsession is a sign of mental decline.


Obsession(obsessiveness) can be caused by such events as:



> Changes in living situation, such as moving, getting married or divorced, or starting a new school or job.
> Death of a loved one or other emotional trauma.
> History of abuse.
> Illness (if you get the flu, for example, you may start a cycle of obsessing about germs and washing compulsively).
> ...



Common treatments include SSRI drugs, which boost Serotonin.  That suggests that having low Serotonin levels is a factor in obsessive behaviors.   
Low Serotonin can be caused by poor sleep, life events(listed above), drugs and substances such as caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, NutraSweet and some cholesterol-lowering medications deplete serotonin and other neurotransmitter levels.


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## grahamg (Jul 10, 2022)

Knight said:


> Not really. Trying to understand why & when you decided you were yucky.
> Are you comparing yourself to the farmer in a negative way since you consider  you posted his smelling like cow manure doesn't turn  women off.
> Not even understanding what argument you are trying to express.


One of the small things I've learned in the last five or six years I've been posting my views regularly on forums such as this one, is that I cannot expect to explain to everyone's satisfaction why I've posted this or that, and being very very honest with you here, I doubt I ever will be able to satisfy you unfortunately!

One last run through for you though, (essentially repeating what's been said above), my daughter described me as "just a man who is yucky" as a twelve year old when asked intrusive questions like, "do you love your father".

I believe there should be a small but very significant change to UK family law, allowing "decent parents" legal rights, (there are no statutory legal rights in the UK now, and this may contravene human rights legislation, such as "the right to a family life",......, I know there's an issue as to how a "decent parent" is defined, but its not insurmountable).

Got to sort soem cattle out escaping into my mates mowing field now, but if you need more I'll be back, unless someone else who seems to have more understanding of my arguments steps in in the meantime.


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## Knight (Jul 10, 2022)

grahamg said:


> I believe there should be a small but very significant change to UK family law, allowing "decent parents" legal rights, (there are no statutory legal rights in the UK now, and this may contravene human rights legislation, such as "the right to a family life",......, I know there's an issue as to how a "decent parent" is defined, but its not insurmountable).


Be patient this has relevance
.
One of the mechanics that worked for me was going to file a grievance about not being trained or able to work on small vehicles. Lube & oil changes were all that they could do. All technical repairs were sent out.

The 1st. step of a grievance called for sit down to discuss the issues to try to reach compromise. We did this. I suggested two weeks of the mechanic researching the cost of equipment, the cost of tech school training, & the cost in man hours to diagnose & repair the most common failures, including parts. This cost was to be multiplied by the 110 various level mechanics under my supervision. He would use a company vehicle to travel to & from locations he had to go to,  to complete his part. No loss of pay & meals paid when travelling out of our location.

My part was to supply documentation of the cost to have technical repairs made by dealerships.  At the end of two weeks we met again to discuss the documentation.  No surprise to me my farming out tech work was far less by  hundreds of thousand dollars. The grievance was dropped & the local union president thanked me for the way we resolved the issue.

Now to your ongoing issue of UK no statutory legal rights in the UK.  It's been a few years now that you have posted about this issue. I propose you investigate the points you feel are lacking, you use social media & other forms of communication to address those issues. Then to generate as practical  a form invite others to agree, disagree or add to what you think needs change. Then do the same by generating a form on how the system can identify a decent parent.

As you say it's not  insurmountable it just takes someone like you that has time to research various articles to show that the system isn't perfect. You can be that someone that is the catalyst for change in a system you have issue with.


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## Gary O' (Jul 10, 2022)

Knight said:


> As you say it's not insurmountable it just takes someone like you that has time to research various articles to show that the system isn't perfect. You can be that someone that is the catalyst for change in a system you have issue with.


@Knight 
Where were you 20 years ago?
I really needed you!


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## grahamg (Jul 11, 2022)

Gary O' said:


> @Knight
> Where were you 20 years ago?
> I really needed you!


Unfortunately I'm still pushed for time, we got errant cows out of the mowing field easier than expected, none injured, (though one due to calve did almost get ravelled up in barbwire).

My mates had his hip done about a week ago, so here's out of action, and his son has another job to do today he can't get out of, so I'm off to see if I can strengthen the fence sufficiently to dissuade the invasion, but now they've a taste for fresh grass it won't be easy!

"I'm the man though, if anyone is", (excepting your good self of course!  ).


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## grahamg (Jul 11, 2022)

Right, back to the "Yucky man" question!

Have I mentioned, there are some things to be weighed against the fact my daughter told court welfare officers I was just a man who was "Yucky", (hence not the man she saw as her father, even though she couldn't at that stage call me anything other than "dad", and of course I was "Yucky" because how could anyone be expected to love someone who was so disgusting etc., etc., etc.,).

One thing was the fact mentioned previously on this thread or others, every time my daughter said "I hate you", "You are horrible", (and the court welfare service personnel felt I was completely wrong to say I ignored her saying those things,............... well, what would you do considering following such bald statements my daughter kept saying "Keep coming daddy", for the years this kind of behaviour went on for and the numerous people she declared those same derogatory thinsg were the case, even to one of my sisters whose children were my daughter's age, and my sister told my daughter she couldn't expect them to believe what she was saying, (that seemed to help a little).

Secondly my daughter told me "she loved me deep down", when I asked her to tell me what she thought of me, (now that was for my ears only, and of course you and anyone else who I try to tell this was the case cannot expect to know whether or not it were true, (similarly if you told me your children all love you I'll not know whether you are telling the whole truth, even though I've no reasons to consider you dishonest. My point though is that this just isnt an area of anyone's life to pry into, unless there is reason to suspect abuse of some kind.

Okay, I'm done now, (back to job of keeping cattle under control):

Musical interlude for you though:


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## Knight (Jul 11, 2022)

Gary O' said:


> @Knight
> Where were you 20 years ago?
> I really needed you!


Retired.


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## grahamg (Jul 11, 2022)

Knight said:


> Retired.


Update on the "cattle front",...., some of the animals did break back into the mowing field again this afternoon, but I count it as a partial success in that the older cattle didn't get in, only those younger ones prepared to jump or hurdle a bit of fencing, and even then in a place I'd left my mates son to try to sort out.

However, not unexpectedly, a host of critics has appeared to pass damning judgement upon me for not managing 100% success, (folks who don't know one end of a cow from another mark you, and in truth cattle or sheep prepared to jump a fence take some stopping at the best of times!).

My response is going to be to complete the job I've started, to the best of my ability, and leave "the experts" to finish the job off, as they know so much about everything, and are so fond of piling in on you!

I don't know, you do someone a favour, almost save the day when making sure the cattle didn't get injured when getting them out of the field 24hrs ago, and one got ravelled up in the barbed wire, but there we are, "these so called friends" are a trial indeed"!


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## grahamg (Jul 11, 2022)

Every one feeling sad about my last post re-cattle fencing, "cheer up", the only principle applying here is " don't let the numpties grind you down",(and believe me we're talking the numptiest of numpties!!!).    ).


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## Blessed (Jul 11, 2022)

No I enjoyed it, I still think you should have your own diary/ thread. Tell us about the people, places and farms you work on. Would have loved to see a picture of the newborn calf!


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## grahamg (Jul 12, 2022)

Blessed said:


> No I enjoyed it, I still think you should have your own diary/ thread. Tell us about the people, places and farms you work on. Would have loved to see a picture of the newborn calf!


On most days you could have posted those kind words and I'd have been most pleased, "BUT TODAY, NOT SO MUCH" !!!!!


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## grahamg (Jul 12, 2022)

"Yes, the numpties got through to me", but in my defence they seem to proliferate, one egging the other on to further numptiness, with no possible good outcome!

My only  course of action is avoidance at all costs, and leave them to sort one another out!


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## Blessed (Jul 12, 2022)

Sorry you are feeling cross.  Sounds like you are overworked and under apprecitated by your friends and coworkers.  I used to refer to that as one of those days! There was many a time I wanted to grab someone by the throat.  Happy I don't have to deal with those types anymore.


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## grahamg (Jul 12, 2022)

Blessed said:


> Sorry you are feeling cross.  Sounds like you are overworked and under apprecitated by your friends and coworkers.  I used to refer to that as one of those days! There was many a time I wanted to grab someone by the throat.  Happy I don't have to deal with those types anymore.


As it happens the world has returned to almost normal, following a day when almost everyone on this particular farm was blaming almost everyone else for what was happening, or going wrong, then in turn each told the other to "go forth and multiply", (if you get my meaning?!)! 

Perfect outcome all round I'd say, and most unexpected!!!!!!


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## grahamg (Jul 30, 2022)

Nathan said:


> Obsession(obsessiveness) can be caused by such events as:
> 
> Changes in living situation, such as moving, getting married or divorced, or starting a new school or job.
> Death of a loved one or other emotional trauma.
> ...


Whether or not I'm obsessed by the subject of fathers/parents rights I noticed on a BBC radio news report today that the "former children's commissioner" is commenting upon a major finding of deteriorating mental health in young people in this country, (made worse by many factors we'll all probably be able to guess are involved).

I noticed though the lady in question was calling for a huge increase in government spending in this area of social welfare, there was no mention of parents involvement or non-involvement in their children's lives, (other than acknowledging parents have to try to juggle many things), and no one mentioned "who loves the child" who is showing such distress?

If more state intervention is you're only solution then what need to consider any parent at all you could say, marriage/divorce rates, infidelity, zero parental rights in the UK and so on, and of course returning to the obsession point made above, who amongst us would not wish a parent to be obsessed about their child, and want to monitor and preserve their welfare, where they could do so?


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