# Rumpology



## SifuPhil (Mar 24, 2013)

In a recent thread here the name of unique arts and crafts site *Etsy* came up, and it reminded me of someone who I think can only be called ... _unique_.

... well, I'm sure she could be called _many_ things, but I'm sticking with unique.

Jacqueline Stallone, Sly's momma, famed for giving birth to The Great Mumbler and also, it appears, for being the founder of *Rumpology*.







For the mere pittance of $600, you can send a digital picture of your tuchus and receive a customized report that explains your fortunes. As it claims on her site,



> Jacqueline  has discovered that the left and right cheeks reveal a person's past  and future, respectively. The right buttocks represents the left  cerebral hemisphere of the brain, while the left buttocks represents the  right hemisphere. It is similar to palmistry -- where the left palm   represents the past and the right palm represents the future. A rump  report from Jacqueline Stallone can tell you whether you are going  "ass-backwards" or eyes open into the future.



According to Jackie, even your vertical seam - the gluteal cleft - can portend fame and fortune - 



> "_I  have been asked many times about the gluteal cleft. It is more than an  advertising sign for plumbers, teens, and non-conformists. IT HAS REAL  SIGNIFICANCE.
> 
> __It  is a natural part of the human body and of vital importance. It  represents the division between the ying/yang, good/bad, light/darkness,  between your past-- the left cheek and your future -- the right cheek.
> _
> _I  have noticed in my years of rumpology reading that it often has  characteristics of personality. Many bankers cleft's are very short;  while lawyers are very long. It can also vary in width --  with   politician's seemingly extra wide and cop's notoriously narrow. Have you  had a look in the mirror recently at yours?_




... no, Jacqueline, I have not ... some things in life are better left _un_done.


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## Ozarkgal (Mar 24, 2013)

That's "ass'inine


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## SifuPhil (Mar 25, 2013)

Ozarkgal said:


> That's "ass'inine



Lord I've missed you! 

Maybe we should just put this all behind us now ... it seems to be the seat of our problems, and calls for a firm end.


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## Ozarkgal (Mar 25, 2013)

Yes, I'm sure it's not what it's cracked up to be anyway. I wonder if Rumpologists have roasts at their conventions, you know, like a rump roast.layful:...oohhh Gawd, I need sleep!


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## SifuPhil (Mar 25, 2013)

Ozarkgal said:


> Yes, I'm sure it's not what it's cracked up to be anyway. I wonder if Rumpologists have roasts at their conventions, you know, like a rump roast.layful:



Oh, can it. 

I've often wondered if_ derrière_ is related to Perrier. That would make for some interesting marketing techniques ...

"From the bottom of the Earth - Perrier."




> ...oohhh Gawd, I need sleep!



You and me both, sister. I haven't slept since 3am yesterday.


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## Ozarkgal (Mar 25, 2013)

SifuPhil said:


> Oh, can it.
> 
> I've often wondered if_ derrière_ is related to Perrier. That would make for some interesting marketing techniques ...
> 
> "From the bottom of the Earth - Perrier."



How about "Our Perrier won't stick to your derriere"


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## rkunsaw (Mar 25, 2013)

Ozarkgal said:


> How about "Our Perrier won't stick to your derriere"



Bottoms Up !!!


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## SifuPhil (Mar 25, 2013)

Ozarkgal said:


> How about "Our Perrier won't stick to your derriere"



Oooh ...



			
				rkunsaw said:
			
		

> Bottoms Up !!!



*groan*

What hath I wrought?



"Want to have a sleek, sexy bottom, just like the stars that stroll down the Champs-Élysées? Do you want everyone in the locker room to exclaim "*MERDE!*" when they spy your lower hemispheres? Do you want to hear a giggle in their talk when you wiggle in your walk?

*Well, now you can!* Thanks to an amazing discovery in the sewers of Paris you too can sport a breathtaking butt, a heavenly heinie and an awesome ass! Guys and gals will gasp with glee when gazing upon your galloping globes! All thanks to ...

*The Perrier Derrière Diet !!!" 
*


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## R. Zimm (Mar 25, 2013)

Who do you get to take this picture anyway, a professional photographer? Sears Portrait Studio? Oh, I know, you set up the camera with a timer and then dash into place and "moon" the camera.

 And what do you do if you have incontinence? Well, "DEPENDS!"


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## SifuPhil (Mar 25, 2013)

R. Zimm said:


> Who do you get to take this picture anyway, a professional photographer? Sears Portrait Studio? Oh, I know, you set up the camera with a timer and then dash into place and "moon" the camera.



Luckily my laptop has a webcam, so I can just stand up, turn around and expose the world to the 8th and 9th wonders of the modern world.



> And what do you do if you have incontinence? Well, "DEPENDS!"



That would be my run of luck! I'm sure _someone_ would let it leak out ... 

Someone once asked me, "Do you suffer incontinence?"

I answered "No, I have a tough enough time just in my state." 

Hey, where else could you tell your future by looking at what's behind you?


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## Ozarkgal (Mar 26, 2013)

NEWS FLASH!!! Today, Ophelia Heinie and Herb Utts were seated as new board members of Rumpologists r US, Inc.  Mora Bunn replaced  Les Cheeks after he suffered injuries in a hairy crack up last week.

Spokesman for Rumpologists, Ima Toosh said the company is expecting a widespread growth of it's assets in the near future.


layful:


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## pchinvegas (Mar 26, 2013)

Damn, I know my ass has gotten me into a lotta trouble in the past. Maybe if I had known this, it mighta helped. I bet there's plenty to say about Kim Kardashions's ass. A wide lense would be needed maybe even a panoramic picture haha


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## SifuPhil (Mar 26, 2013)

pchinvegas said:


> Damn, I know my ass has gotten me into a lotta trouble in the past. Maybe if I had known this, it mighta helped. I bet there's plenty to say about Kim Kardashions's ass. A wide lense would be needed maybe even a panoramic picture haha



Wow, yeah - they'd need one of those trolley shots, where the camera is set up on rails and they push it real fast.


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