# Your opinion please



## debbie in seattle (Jul 28, 2018)

With my husbands death, my b/p has sky rocketed and I felt I needed to be put on a mood stabilizer (for the time being).   My doc is retiring in 2weeks so I found a new one.   My request for b/p meds and a mood stabilizer has turned into her wanting me to go directly to the ER to see a cardiologist and labs, EKG, etc.   surprised she didn’t throw in a brain surgeon while she was at it.   I again explained at this particular moment in time I just need to get my b/p under control and feel I need some mood stabilizer (I also added I’m getting ZERO sleep at night).   I again explained that the idea of being inundated with all theses docs and appointments was way above me since I’m still dealing with my husbands death and all the legal issues with that, etc and AGAIN stated at this present moment it’s the b/p and mood stabilizer I need.   I get home and get a call, one of my labs were .05 higher than the normal range!   .05!!   Am I being ridiculous thinking we can pursue this at a later date?


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## Marie5656 (Jul 28, 2018)

*I have always felt that some docs do not listen to us well. We know ourselves better than anyone.  Can you find a doc who specializes in older patients?  I have a doc who has a sub specialty in gerontology and it was the best move I made.  
I would insist that doc listen to your whole situation.  Ask why your situation cannot be dealt with on a temporary basis.  In the mean time, sorry for your loss, again.  Try melatonin or magnesium for the sleep issues.
*


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## debbie in seattle (Jul 28, 2018)

Thanks.    Melatonin doesn’t work on me.    It pisses me off this doc won’t listen, I even added I’ve worked in health care for 30 years.  Writing this, I’ve come to realize that she isn’t listening and has the attitude ‘she’s the doc’ and ‘I’m the idiot’.   The old ‘do as I say’.


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## rgp (Jul 28, 2018)

I am not speaking in the doc's defense , but!....In many cases I have learned the doc's must follow a certain protocol in line with their Dr's Insurance underwriter's  requirements. Also some of them that work through a health organization/doctors group, also have certain guidelines/protocol they are required to follow. 

This is why some are 'going back' to being independent physicians , and that is making it difficult for them to work with certain labs & / or hospitals.

Despite all the heart warming commercials etc...it's not about health anymore, it's about big business / big pharma / big money. 

There was / is, a local doc that went out on her own, accepts no insurance .  She was featured on Sixty Minutes....since that exposure , she is so busy that she is not taking new patients.

I waited too long to call for an appointment , so now I'm looking around, hoping to find another like her.


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## RadishRose (Jul 28, 2018)

Deb, I honestly don't know. I just hope you get what you need and feel better. :love_heart:


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## 911 (Jul 28, 2018)

Sometimes, people that have lost a loved one find what they need or are looking for in a support group. If you are among others that are in the same boat, they may be able to share information with you and you with them. Most areas do have at least one support group for people that have lost a loved one. 

By being with people who are sharing the same experience as you, it may help to relieve some of the stress and other medical issues that you are experiencing. This will also give you the opportunity to listen to other people who have gone through the same things that you may be going through and they will share with you how they handled it. I joined a support group when my father died suddenly many years ago. I won't even tell you all that I went through, but the group helped me tremendously. The best part is that we are all anonymous to one another, unless we decide otherwise. 

Good luck to you with whatever you decide.


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## Geezerette (Jul 28, 2018)

Going thorough the death of your husband is one of the worst stresses a woman could experiience. I think it would be good to find a good cardiologist or internist & get the EKG & bloodwork etc to get a new baseline & not just add meds when might be an underlying cause beyond grief & stress. If you didn't like that dr, ask if your former Drs group could recommend someone else.you didn't mention if you had any children or other relatives close by, but I'm sure if you did they wouldn't want you to neglect your own health.


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## SeaBreeze (Jul 28, 2018)

Debbie, I always like to try more natural means of dealing with health issues rather than prescription meds with all their negative side effects.  There are foods that are known for lowering blood pressure, there's a listing of some here.  

On the list is Beet/beetroot juice, just drinking one full cup a day is known to lower blood pressure.  If you don't like beets, a health food store will have supplements that can be used, SuperBeets is a popular but expensive product that has a lot of good reviews regarding the lowering of blood pressure.  I would start the beetroot juice today.

Exercise naturally lowers blood pressure also, simple walking a couple of miles a day in a peaceful area like a park or a forest will help bring it down.  Walking or riding a bicycle are the best ways if you're up to it.  Do you have any physical limitations where you can't do these things?  Do you live by a fitness center where you can use an excercise bike or treadmill?  Giving yourself some 'me' time by getting a relaxing massage, working out at a gym, will help you feel  better physically and mentally.  It also ultimately helps with sleep at night.

Try to relax when you're alone also with deep controlled breathing.  Take a slow deep breath through your nose, then slowly exhale blowing it out through your mouth.  Think peaceful thoughts when doing it.  The mind is very powerful and has a great effect on our physical health, we can guide it to the positive with a little nudging. 

I don't know if you're a dog or cat person, but they are known to help the owners lower their blood pressure just by petting them, caring for them, walking them, etc.  The dog or cat should have a mellow calm disposition and be very affectionate, so you'd have to spend some time with it before deciding it's the right one for you.  Of course if you really don't like pets, or plan to move in the near future, then maybe a pet wouldn't be a good idea.

As far as relaxing, you can use different herbs like Valerian, Chamomile, etc.  Chamomile is a very common tea to drink in the late evening to unwind. Magnesium citrate will help relax your muscles too, an Epsom salt bath before bed is good when you can swing it.  Some nights I'll take just one half of a Unisom sleep aid.  It's over the counter and works very well, it's basically an antihistamine.  If I take a whole one though, I feel hung over the next morning.  Of course with any supplements, please research side effects or drug interactions.

It sounds like your experiences with the doctor is just adding to your stress and anxiety, unless you need medical attention for a condition, I'd try and just let that go for now and take control on my own. Good luck, thinking of you.


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## C'est Moi (Jul 28, 2018)

Deb, I'm so sorry for your loss.   As for the doctor, why not try another?   It's important to have a good relationship with a doctor (or in my case a PA) who listens.   I had to go through a few duds before finally finding a physician's group that I am happy with.   My primary "doc" is a PA, and she's great.


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## jaminhealth (Jul 29, 2018)

SeaBreeze said:


> Debbie, I always like to try more natural means of dealing with health issues rather than prescription meds with all their negative side effects.  There are foods that are known for lowering blood pressure, there's a listing of some here.
> 
> On the list is Beet/beetroot juice, just drinking one full cup a day is known to lower blood pressure.  If you don't like beets, a health food store will have supplements that can be used, SuperBeets is a popular but expensive product that has a lot of good reviews regarding the lowering of blood pressure.  I would start the beetroot juice today.
> 
> ...



I agree, there are so many calming otc products.  My favorites are:

Inositol
Gaba
L Theanine
Magnesium (for sure)

So much of what we go thru is situational in life and so much easier to work with if we just seek out the info.  Sorry for your loss.


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## Camper6 (Jul 29, 2018)

Telling you to go to the ER was good advice.

Once you have been cleared you can deal with the rest of your worries.

The ER docs will give you the medication you need immediately.


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## john19485 (Jul 29, 2018)

I lost my wife, at 19 , After I got out of the hospital, from being wounded the doctor told me to take six months and don't do anything, When I got home , I couldn't remember anyone that I had gone to school with, so I had few friends , my wife death hit me soon after I got home, I cried every night, it felt like I was having a heart attack,  well anyway , it took awhile and I got better, I think of her everyday , I've  been married to my wife Mary for 45 year now, we care for each other deeply,


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## Butterfly (Aug 1, 2018)

Deb, I agree with C'est Moi.  I would look for another doctor.  Your  stress level is understandably off the charts right now.  If it were I, all that  medical testing and stuff would just make it worse and add more stress.   My body reacts to extreme stress in much the same way that you've described above.  You need someone who will LISTEN to you and really try to help you get  past this without any more drama.  

Could you ask your retiring doctor for suggestions as to a new physician?  Or perhaps your husband's doctor might have some suggestions of physicians?  When my mother was dying and I was taking care of her, I felt like I was close to going off the rails and I mentioned it to her oncologist, who  recommended a doc who routinely dealt with families of people who had died or were dying.  The doc he recommended helped me a lot.


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## KingsX (Aug 1, 2018)

.

Doctors like to protect themselves [and generate more income] with lots of lab and other tests.

The irony is... this is causing you even more stress.  Shop around for another doctor and in
the meantime maybe meditation [ie, breathing exercises] could help your mood, stress level
and blood pressure.  Also talking nice walks might improve your mood because exercise does
release positive mood hormones, endorphins.]


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## C_Sally (Aug 2, 2018)

Deb, I know how you feel. I lost my husband after 47 mentally and emotionally comfortable years. I was jarred, off-kilter, unable to concentrate, felt anxious, adrift..like a little boat without its mooring. These feelings lasted for about a year and a half. I'm sure that period varies for each individual but for me it was that long before I could even imagine myself coping with a bunch of doctor appointments or even thinking about my own health issues. Eventually, I could manage it. Eventually you will be able to as well. But Not Now means not now.

Demand your doctor listen to you. If he or she won't, find another. It would be ideal if there is a physician's assistant or RN at your former doctor's office who will see to it you get your refills until you've established yourself with a new doctor.

Like 911, I joined a support group, all widows, which I preferred over a widows / widowers group. It was very helpful but I tried three different groups before I landed in one that I felt really comfortable with. So if you try this and are not happy with it initially, don't give up. Try another group.


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## hearlady (Aug 2, 2018)

C_Sally said:


> Deb, I know how you feel. I lost my husband after 47 mentally and emotionally comfortable years. I was jarred, off-kilter, unable to concentrate, felt anxious, adrift..like a little boat without its mooring. These feelings lasted for about a year and a half. I'm sure that period varies for each individual but for me it was that long before I could even imagine myself coping with a bunch of doctor appointments or even thinking about my own health issues. Eventually, I could manage it. Eventually you will be able to as well. But Not Now means not now.
> 
> Demand your doctor listen to you. If he or she won't, find another. It would be ideal if there is a physician's assistant or RN at your former doctor's office who will see to it you get your refills until you've established yourself with a new doctor.
> 
> Like 911, I joined a support group, all widows, which I preferred over a widows / widowers group. It was very helpful but I tried three different groups before I landed in one that I felt really comfortable with. So if you try this and are not happy with it initially, don't give up. Try another group.


Deb, this sounds like good advice from someone who's been there.


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## twinkles (Aug 2, 2018)

i dont think doctors like dealing with senior citizens-- they tell you any thing then and  tell you its your age---i had a real good doctor and went to him for 20 years and he retired--so i am stuck with this doctor with her head  in her cp ---i think she is reading web md to see what she can give me--the good doctors are on the other side of town and i dont drive over there--its just too crowded


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## rgp (Aug 2, 2018)

twinkles said:


> i dont think doctors like dealing with senior citizens-- they tell you any thing then and  tell you its your age---i had a real good doctor and went to him for 20 years and he retired--so i am stuck with this doctor with her head  in her cp ---i think she is reading web md to see what she can give me--the good doctors are on the other side of town and i dont drive over there--its just too crowded



   "the good doctors are on the other side of town "

  You touch on a fine point that *does *matter. I think many of us would rather not drive across town etc.....and when a GP, runs us from here-to-there for specialist . That is a real pain. What ever happened to Marcus Welby?.....he did it all....<grin>


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## C'est Moi (Aug 2, 2018)

twinkles said:


> ---i think she is reading web md to see what she can give me--



:lol:


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## 911 (Aug 3, 2018)

C_Sally said:


> Deb, I know how you feel. I lost my husband after 47 mentally and emotionally comfortable years. I was jarred, off-kilter, unable to concentrate, felt anxious, adrift..like a little boat without its mooring. These feelings lasted for about a year and a half. I'm sure that period varies for each individual but for me it was that long before I could even imagine myself coping with a bunch of doctor appointments or even thinking about my own health issues. Eventually, I could manage it. Eventually you will be able to as well. But Not Now means not now.
> 
> Demand your doctor listen to you. If he or she won't, find another. It would be ideal if there is a physician's assistant or RN at your former doctor's office who will see to it you get your refills until you've established yourself with a new doctor.
> 
> Like 911, I joined a support group, all widows, which I preferred over a widows / widowers group. It was very helpful but I tried three different groups before I landed in one that I felt really comfortable with. So if you try this and are not happy with it initially, don't give up. Try another group.




When I would talk to the others in my support group, I would look at them and I could see them leaning on my words as I spoke and nodding their head as if they were saying, "Yeah, I understand." Or, "Yeah, I have done on been through the same thing." We all had a loss of a relative that was very close to us and we related to one another as if we were living each other's life. I remember telling the group that the one thing that really struck me the most was the moment when I would walk into the house after Dad died, I could smell him. (I knew that the smells were from his colognes and after shave lotions that he had sitting around.) There were times when I would forget myself and almost ask, "Where's Dad?" It took me the best part of three years to be able to accept his passing. 

One person in our group asked the Counselor if there was any truth to the item that he had heard that sons are more likely to commit suicide after losing their father if it was at an early age. The Counselor said that there was some truth to it. He told a story about his minister had died suddenly and within six months, the minister's son had gone to his father's grave site, knelt down over his grave and put a bullet in his head. He left a note apologizing for his actions, but said that he wanted to be with his dad.


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## paxtonstafford (Aug 18, 2018)

I would refer you to Dr Internet for many varied and different opionions-we know what opinions are! everyone has one...just be thorough and selective--All Dr's, like car mechanics, lawyers, etc-- are not created equal--I have personal disdain for the more arrogant and presumptuous ones...goes along with burn out. good luck.


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## Camper6 (Aug 18, 2018)

Unless you have a blood pressure monitor at home, how do you know if your B/P is off the range?

Also unless you have a blood test there's no point in trying over the counter self medications.

You might be getting all the vitamins and minerals in your diet.


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## RadishRose (Aug 18, 2018)

To add to the breathing exercises, my psych advises- after breathing in, the exhale should be done with your mouth wide open. It really does work better that way, in my experience.


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## Keesha (Aug 18, 2018)

SeaBreeze said:


> Debbie, I always like to try more natural means of dealing with health issues rather than prescription meds with all their negative side effects.  There are foods that are known for lowering blood pressure, there's a listing of some here.
> 
> On the list is Beet/beetroot juice, just drinking one full cup a day is known to lower blood pressure.  If you don't like beets, a health food store will have supplements that can be used, SuperBeets is a popular but expensive product that has a lot of good reviews regarding the lowering of blood pressure.  I would start the beetroot juice today.
> 
> ...



Excellent post Seabreeze.  I’m into holistic health so this would be my approach also.
At least try a find a doctor who will listen to you.


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