# Stay-At-Home Moms



## ClassicRockr (Jan 14, 2015)

Thought about this the other day:

Does anyone realize how much salary a husband has to make so his wife can be a "stay at home mom" for their kid/kids? I know there are moms out there that could have a part-time job at home, but still. I mean, the husband is relied upon the pay for all the bills.......mortgage (if buying a house), car payments, food, whatever. 

Just wonder how much a husband would have to make today in order for his wife to be a "stay at home mom"? In some cases, that also would mean the husband would have to have a major college degree.


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## QuickSilver (Jan 14, 2015)

I think I read this somewhere once..  If I recall, it would be around $50K per year with a health benefit package included


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## Mrs. Robinson (Jan 14, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> I think I read this somewhere once..  If I recall, it would be around $50K per year with a health benefit package included



Whew,not here in California. Housing costs are so high that $50,000 would mean that somebody wouldn`t be eating lol. I would say at least $75,000 but,of course,it would depend on how many children and where you live.


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## Ken N Tx (Jan 14, 2015)

We raised 6 children on my single income..1963 to 2000..One short part time job in there..We had our own homes..


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## Mrs. Robinson (Jan 14, 2015)

Ken N Tx said:


> We raised 6 children on my single income..1963 to 2000..One short part time job in there..We had our own homes..



Was that in Texas though?


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## Ken N Tx (Jan 14, 2015)

Mrs. Robinson said:


> Was that in Texas though?


Illinois and Texas..1984 moved to Texas


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## oakapple (Jan 14, 2015)

My daughter is a stay at home Mum [or Mom] Her husband is a policeman, so that's  about £35,000 a year before tax, pensions and National Insurance is taken from it.


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## oakapple (Jan 14, 2015)

It's all about your lifestyle. They are happy, but don't take foreign holidays, have a 5 year old car, don't drink or smoke.


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## Don M. (Jan 14, 2015)

Much of it depends upon the area of the country a person lives in, and the overall cost of living.  There are places on the East and West Coasts where $100K a year might not afford much more than $50K a year can in much of the MidWest.  My wife never worked outside the home....she chose a full time career raising the kids, and supplying us all with a clean house, and excellent meals.  My job allowed us to live decently, become debt free sometime in the mid 80's, and still sock enough away to build up a decent savings/IRA....and my income fell pretty much only slightly above the Middle Class Median.  We learned from our parents the wisdom of living within our means, and those lessons served us well.  

However, that kind of lifestyle seems to be increasingly hard for our younger generations.  I don't pry into the kids finances, but our daughters and husbands do pretty well with the Son-in-Laws working full time, and the daughters just doing some Part time work.  But...the Grandkids seem to have the need for both husband and wife to work.  For them, juggling the finances, and things like day care for the great grandkids, etc., is a real chore...if often wonder just how much money the granddaughters really make after all the child care expenses, etc., that they have to pay.  

It's all symptomatic of the gradually increasing decline in our Middle Class...the rich get richer, and the working people have to jump through hoops.  The poor get government assistance, but the bulk of the working people are left to fend for themselves.


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## Ken N Tx (Jan 14, 2015)

Don M. said:


> Much of it depends upon the area of the country a person lives in, and the overall cost of living.  There are places on the East and West Coasts where $100K a year might not afford much more than $50K a year can in much of the MidWest.  My wife never worked outside the home....she chose a full time career raising the kids, and supplying us all with a clean house, and excellent meals.  My job allowed us to live decently, become debt free sometime in the mid 80's, and still sock enough away to build up a decent savings/IRA....and my income fell pretty much only slightly above the Middle Class Median.  We learned from our parents the wisdom of living within our means, and those lessons served us well.
> 
> However, that kind of lifestyle seems to be increasingly hard for our younger generations.  I don't pry into the kids finances, but our daughters and husbands do pretty well with the Son-in-Laws working full time, and the daughters just doing some Part time work.  But...the Grandkids seem to have the need for both husband and wife to work.  For them, juggling the finances, and things like day care for the great grandkids, etc., is a real chore...if often wonder just how much money the granddaughters really make after all the child care expenses, etc., that they have to pay.
> 
> It's all symptomatic of the gradually increasing decline in our Middle Class...the rich get richer, and the working people have to jump through hoops.  The poor get government assistance, but the bulk of the working people are left to fend for themselves.


Ditto....


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## Ramblin Rose (Jan 14, 2015)

There is expense involved in being a working mom which offsets the salary a woman makes working outside the home. Extra for transportation, either bus or a vehicle which uses gas and requires insurance. 

After a full day of work usually it is convenience or take out meals a lot of time. If a professional figure on extras like clothing, lunches out.

And a real biggie is babysitting or daycare costs.


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## darroll (Jan 14, 2015)

The kids need a stay-at-home-mom.
All they learn in school is how to act like a tramp.


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## QuickSilver (Jan 14, 2015)

darroll said:


> The kids need a stay-at-home-mom.
> All they learn in school is how to act like a tramp.




Yeah?  Well in my experience... kids also NEED to eat...have shelter, clothes and medical care..... in today's economy.. it's really become a luxury to have a stay at home parent..

just curious... how does having a stay at home mom stop them from learning bad habits from their peers any more than having a working mom?


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## Warrigal (Jan 14, 2015)

Most mothers where I live work part time, balancing some time in the home and some in paid work. Few fathers make the same career sacrifice and at the end of the working lifetime women have a lot less to retire on.


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## darroll (Jan 14, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> Yeah?  Well in my experience... kids also NEED to eat...have shelter, clothes and medical care..... in today's economy.. it's really become a luxury to have a stay at home parent..
> 
> just curious... how does having a stay at home mom stop them from learning bad habits from their peers any more than having a working mom?


 Here the kids try on condoms on a pickle for a starter. I don't think Moms teach that in class.


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## Ameriscot (Jan 14, 2015)

darroll said:


> Here the kids try on condoms on a pickle for a starter. I don't think Moms teach that in class.



Sounds like they are learning about safe sex which is a good thing.


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## QuickSilver (Jan 14, 2015)

darroll said:


> Here the kids try on condoms on a pickle for a starter. I don't think Moms teach that in class.



Maybe they should!....  Perhaps there would be less teen pregnancy...


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## Warrigal (Jan 14, 2015)

Darroll, that particular lesson helps to save lives (AIDS) and also to prevent teenage pregnancies that blight young lives.
It's probably as necessary today as lessons on hygiene such as hand washing after visiting the toilet.


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## Debby (Jan 14, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> Yeah?  Well in my experience... kids also NEED to eat...have shelter, clothes and medical care..... in today's economy.. it's really become a luxury to have a stay at home parent..
> 
> just curious... how does having a stay at home mom stop them from learning bad habits from their peers any more than having a working mom?




I was a stay at home mom and I was a kid who came home to an empty house much of my life so I can tell you the difference.  When I got home, I brought friends home occasionally.  Safe enough before I hit puberty, but after I got to my teens, that was definitely a potential problem.  Although in truth, I was more likely to go over to a friends place and hang out because my mom wasn't home and expecting me to arrive.  My big concern when I had kids was that they would carry on like I had when I was in my teens.

My kids on the other hand, got picked up from school by me and they didn't hang around with neighbourhood kids because they went to a more distant school.  I was there to talk with them the minute they got in the car and we were together until they went to bed.  I was the influence on my kids outside of school, instead of a bunch of kids to hang out with.  My youngest had one rough year and the first time she lied to us and went out to a party with friends, we changed her school within the next two weeks.  She straightened up entirely and never strayed again.  I think that was attributable to the relationship of total involvement with them.

When they were really little and I would go out taking the dog for a walk early in the morning and seeing other moms piling little ones into the car to head off to babysitters and daycares, I was terribly grateful for the life position in which I lived.  My mom was a working, single mother and from the kid perspective I know that it's an awful hard haul.


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## QuickSilver (Jan 15, 2015)

Debby said:


> I was a stay at home mom and I was a kid who came home to an empty house much of my life so I can tell you the difference.  When I got home, I brought friends home occasionally.  Safe enough before I hit puberty, but after I got to my teens, that was definitely a potential problem.  Although in truth, I was more likely to go over to a friends place and hang out because my mom wasn't home and expecting me to arrive.  My big concern when I had kids was that they would carry on like I had when I was in my teens.
> 
> My kids on the other hand, got picked up from school by me and they didn't hang around with neighbourhood kids because they went to a more distant school.  I was there to talk with them the minute they got in the car and we were together until they went to bed.  I was the influence on my kids outside of school, instead of a bunch of kids to hang out with.  My youngest had one rough year and the first time she lied to us and went out to a party with friends, we changed her school within the next two weeks.  She straightened up entirely and never strayed again.  I think that was attributable to the relationship of total involvement with them.
> 
> When they were really little and I would go out taking the dog for a walk early in the morning and seeing other moms piling little ones into the car to head off to babysitters and daycares, I was terribly grateful for the life position in which I lived.  My mom was a working, single mother and from the kid perspective I know that it's an awful hard haul.



Lucky you!!  Not everyone gets that option..


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## darroll (Jan 15, 2015)

Dame Warrigal said:


> Darroll, that particular lesson helps to save lives (AIDS) and also to prevent teenage pregnancies that blight young lives.
> It's probably as necessary today as lessons on hygiene such as hand washing after visiting the toilet.


Yes but they are starting at such an early age, When I was young all I wanted to do was play on the jungle Jim.
I also thought the girls were only good for breaking our projects.
I'm married and my wife does not break my projects.


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## Lon (Jan 15, 2015)

There are just too many factors involved to give a good response to this question. For example. Where does the family live? Living costs vary considerably in different parts of the U.S. Does the male working spouse have benefits on his job/ pension/family health benefits/disability/life insurance. Are they renting or buying a home? How many cars do they have? How much debt do they have?


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## RadishRose (Jan 15, 2015)

oakapple said:


> It's all about your lifestyle. They are happy, but don't take foreign holidays, have a 5 year old car, don't drink or smoke.



Agree. Also, what advantages do you want the kids to have?


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## Debby (Jan 15, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> Lucky you!!  Not everyone gets that option..




Your right, my family was very lucky and I'm sure lots of parents would love to have the option to be with their kids.  Unfortunately our governments policies and the increase of costs to live and our changed expectations have 'changed' how kids are raised.

My oldest has gotten migraines since she was about four years old.  Terrible to see a little child suffering from repeated migraines!  But she said to me last year, that in one way, she didn't hate her migraines.  She said when she got them, and I would sit on the side of her bed, talking quietly to her in her darkened room and taking care of her if she was throwing up, she actually felt so safe and even more so when she would get them when she was at school and I would have to go and get her to bring her home to put her to bed.  If I'd had to work I couldn't have done that for her at all because she used to get two or three headaches a week.  So you're right, we were blessed.


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## Sassycakes (Jun 20, 2016)

I was fortunate to be a stay at home Mom and I believe it benefits the children. My Husband worked 2 jobs to make  it possible for me to stay home and raise my children.
Since many other Mothers worked my  home was were all the kids came to. I loved it and don't regret for a minute the things I  wouldn't buy for myself or places I wouldn't go to because my only concerns were for my children and my husband.


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## fureverywhere (Jun 20, 2016)

I think nowadays unless a woman works from home, is on leave from a job, is looking for work or is disabled in some way...the "stay at home Mom" is rare these days. I don't know if it makes a difference for the kids one way or another. They might be better off financially of course. How many gentlemen do you know under forty that earn equal to two people? Add in even one or two children...
True story...my aunt never had a paying job. They had one son and her husband was in banking. That boy could only watch Mr. Rogers until he was fifteen, went to the best private school, and was trained to fetch, roll over and sit from an early age. My Mom worked at least sixty hours a week and I had a laid back upbringing. We weren't rich but at least happy middle class.

Did my cousin grow up more successful? No, not at all. More happy about his childhood and adult life? No bitter as can be.


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## QuickSilver (Jun 20, 2016)

Gone are the days that one paycheck could provide all that was necessary to support a family..  The Middle Class has seen their wages stagnate over the last 30 years.. and the cost of raising a family increase dramatically.  Most young families can't afford the luxury of a "stay at home" mom.   She's out there making the rent money along with dad.


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## Shalimar (Jun 20, 2016)

Qft.


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## Ruth n Jersey (Jun 20, 2016)

I was a stay at home Mom during the 70's and 80's. For awhile I made and sold wedding cakes and cleaned houses, also grew and made dry flower arrangements which I sold also. All word of mouth, nothing steady at all.  My husband did have a decent job as a cost accountant and had good health insurance. It was hard but I was there for the kids. All home cooking, freezing and canning also. No fast food. For entertainment we went on picnics and swimming at the lakes. Back in the 70's Tuesday was always free at state and national parks. We managed to save and take the kids to Disney World once during their childhood. Some moms have to work, but I know of many first hand who would rather put their kids in day care than to work the way I did to save. I guess, to each his own. I wanted to be a homemaker and I accomplished that others want a career, that just wasn't for me.


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## QuickSilver (Jun 20, 2016)

Ruth n Jersey said:


> I was a stay at home Mom during the 70's and 80's. For awhile I made and sold wedding cakes and cleaned houses, also grew and made dry flower arrangements which I sold also. All word of mouth, nothing steady at all.  My husband did have a decent job as a cost accountant and had good health insurance. It was hard but I was there for the kids. All home cooking, freezing and canning also. No fast food. For entertainment we went on picnics and swimming at the lakes. Back in the 70's Tuesday was always free at state and national parks. We managed to save and take the kids to Disney World once during their childhood. Some moms have to work, but I know of many first hand who would rather put their kids in day care than to work the way I did to save. I guess, to each his own. I wanted to be a homemaker and I accomplished that others want a career, that just wasn't for me.



Sometime staying at home is simply NOT an option... no matter how hard one tries to scrimp...  Kids need to eat.. If there is nothing available but minimum wage jobs many times both parents hold down one or two.   You cannot use 1970 and 1980 to pass judgment on women who have to work in 2016.   I don't know a single working mom who is doing it by choice or for the pleasure of it..


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## Debby (Jun 20, 2016)

QuickSilver said:


> Gone are the days that one paycheck could provide all that was necessary to support a family..  The Middle Class has seen their wages stagnate over the last 30 years.. and the cost of raising a family increase dramatically.  Most young families can't afford the luxury of a "stay at home" mom.   She's out there making the rent money along with dad.




I guess it depends on two things; where you live and what you expect out of life.  My daughter is a stay at home mom on Prince Edward Island.  Two kids and wages here stink.  But they made do, never take holidays except to come over to our place for a few days a couple times a year (we lived 6 hours away) and their ancient house is 'the eternal renovation zone' because they can't afford to do the work needed.  She is an artist but the art scene here is pretty dismal so she earns about enough to be able to pay for her own materials and buy her husband a Christmas gift with her own money.


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## Cookie (Jun 20, 2016)

I agree its about circumstances, lifestyle choices and how and where you want to live.  Many young families need two incomes these days just to make ends meet with food and housing costs being what they are.  Of course if the family fits into the higher upper middle class range these moms don't need to go out and work because they need the money, they might be well educated, have nannies and enjoy being out in the working world and earning good incomes.


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## Warrigal (Jun 20, 2016)

In my experience, stay at home mums were the hardest to contact when their child was sick at school. The working mums were at work and would come to the phone but the stay at home mums were mostly out of the home. I suppose that today they are available via their mobile phones.


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## Butterfly (Jun 20, 2016)

My mother was a stay at home mom back in the 50s/early 60s, and we did OK --no fancy stuff, but we were fine.  Nowdays, that kind of life is rarely possible unless the working spouse earns a great deal of money.  What with the cost of rent/mortgage, food, medical care, etc, today, I just don't see how it would be possible for most people. I don't really know any couples where only one is working, unless one is unemployed and looking for work, and those folks are really struggling.


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## ancient mariner (Apr 22, 2018)

The phrase "working mother" is redundant.


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## ancient mariner (Apr 22, 2018)

better "stay at home"  than " stay at bar"  j/k


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## Wren (Apr 22, 2018)

Personally I think it depends on the number of children and standard of living a couple want, people seem to want it all nowadays, certainly in my part of the world where it’s mainly grandparents bringing up the children so the parents can enjoy the latest technology, nice cars, good social lives and holidays abroad etc.which  they both have to work for...


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## ClassicRockr (Apr 22, 2018)

Wren said:


> Personally I think it depends on the number of children and standard of living a couple want, people seem to want it all nowadays, certainly in my part of the world where it’s mainly grandparents bringing up the children so the parents can enjoy the latest technology, nice cars, good social lives and holidays abroad etc.which  they both have to work for...



Well, that can really depend on the salary of the husband. We know a husband that worked for Ford Motor Company for years and made a darn good salary. His wife had one very small job and that was it........"stay at home mom" the rest of the years. He made enough that they took their boys on Cruises, had a cottage and couple of boats at a local lake and lived in one of the more affluent parts of southeastern Michigan. All due to his salary.


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## Big Horn (Apr 22, 2018)

No one's mother worked when I was a boy.  Neither did many childless wives.  My uncle's wife had no children; she prepared wonderful meals and worked to make life wonderful in every other way as well.  My mother, however, enjoyed working; she did so until shortly before my birth.


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## Aunt Marg (Oct 14, 2020)

- Single income household here (always)
- Raised 6 kids (I was always a fulltime stay-at-home mom) 
- Own our own home
- Being old-fashioned and frugal as I was (and still am), I was able to cut a lot of corners and save in areas most modern day families (and mothers of today) wouldn't even consider doing
- We didn't need a new home every 3-4 years
- We didn't need worldly holidays and travel
- For years we relied on a single family vehicle
- We never felt the need to renovate our home and replace the furniture every 4-5 years


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## Keesha (Oct 14, 2020)

I’ve been a ‘stay at home mom’ for years now.
My girls would have it no other way.


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## Aunt Marg (Oct 14, 2020)

Keesha said:


> I’ve been a ‘stay at home mom’ for years now.
> My girls would have it no other way.❤
> View attachment 128322


Oh, the sweetness.


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## Keesha (Oct 14, 2020)

Aunt Marg said:


> Oh, the sweetness.


Thank you.  They mean the world to me.


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