# Long ago boss's wife passed away - advice



## applecruncher (Jan 3, 2018)

I looked at the online obituaries the other evening and saw that the wife of a boss I worked for in the late 1970s passed away at 72 apparently from a short battle with cancer. A few yrs ago I saw that their son died in the hospital of pneumonia at age 37. There is another son who lives out-of-state.

Mark was my boss for about 4 yrs. (He hired me and I was working for him when both his children were born,)  Very nice guy, promoted me twice, liked to help people develop professionally. But....things happen. Our working relationship hit some snags, and I left - admittedly not in the nicest way, which I later regretted. Few yrs later we ran into each other and chatted briefly.

When Mark's son died I sent a brief online condolence.

I have to run an errand later this week and I intend to buy a sympathy card and mail it to Mark. 

QUESTION: I'd like to enclose a note...._"So sorry for your loss; I remember how important family was to you. I watched the online video and it was lovely."_  AND I'd like to add: "Y_ou were a wonderful boss. I'm sorry things fell apart. Take care."_

I'm wondering if that last part would be inappropriate and sound like I'm dredging up something from over 35 yrs ago that no longer matters.

Thoughts? TIA


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## Warrigal (Jan 3, 2018)

I would omit the last part as it is not necessary.

When my Mum died some 35 years after Dad I was astounded to meet a woman at her funeral who had worked for him all those years ago. I was amazed that she would take the trouble to attend and tell me how much she admired my father.

If you express your condolences in those terms I can assure you that they will be of some comfort.


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## Aunt Bea (Jan 3, 2018)

I would stick to the message of condolence and leave your feelings about him as a boss and how things ended between you for another time.


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## C'est Moi (Jan 3, 2018)

I agree with the others; omit the last part and stick to condolences.   Nice of you to express your sympathy and I'm sure it will be appreciated.


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## RadishRose (Jan 3, 2018)

I agree, the condolences are enough and sure to be appreciated.


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## debbie in seattle (Jan 3, 2018)

I agree to lose the last couple of sentences.     He's probably going to be touched that you've remembered him after all these years.


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## Buckeye (Jan 3, 2018)

Ditto to Debbie, etc


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## SeaBreeze (Jan 3, 2018)

I agree with the others here, better to eliminate the last comments.


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## applecruncher (Jan 4, 2018)

I've decided to pick a very nice card and just sign it.  No written comments.

Putting myself in his place, I'd find it inappropriate and a bit strange for someone to make such a comment about a working relationship in a sympathy card (or anywhere).  There would be no point, especially after all the time that has passed.

But I think he will appreciate the card.

Thanks for the feedback.


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