# I am so frustrated about my upcoming eye surgery



## debodun (Aug 12, 2022)

At first, the doctor that's doing the surgery said I wouldn't have to repeat having an EKG, blood work or a COVID test since my last surgery was only a few weeks ago - I'd just have to have a pre-op physical. I did that yesterday with my PCP which consisted of weight, blood pressure, pulse and listening to my breathing and heartbeat.

This morning I received a call from the medical group telling me I had to have everything, except what the doctor did yesterday, done over. I questioned them saying their doctor said I didn't and added that I had wished they had told me that before I went for my pre-op physical and my PCP could have done that then. The person said it wouldn't have mattered, they have to do it, not my PCP. The rules have just changed and they have to have test results within 3 days of the operation, so the tests done for my first procedure are no longer valid. Now I have to make a 50 mile round-trip to get this done.

I get several phone calls a day and have to tell different people the same thing. It may be due to the fact that the procedure is going to be done at a different venue than the first one - the first was done at Albany Medical Center, this one will be at Samaritan Hospital. The one that called this morning said I will be receiving ANOTHER call on Monday! You'd think there would be some communication between these people.

It's like playing a game where the rules keep changing.


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## Blessed (Aug 12, 2022)

We all know that there is nothing simple about getting medical treatment today.  I don't think we will see any end to that.  Go here, do that, get this test, this Xray. Go home and wait, can't do anything about your pain, you will just have to wait.  We will get you scheduled asap.  

I remember once a upon a time that if tests were run and found a problem that needed surgery, you would be admitted and looked after until the surgery was done.  Now if there is a problem but not in their minds life threatening they just send you home to suffer until it is convenient for them to get the job done. They have done the tests, the problem is real but still they don't fix it.  That just boils my blood.  We pay all this money for insurance, then they do not want to let you get treatment!


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## Pepper (Aug 12, 2022)

I'm frustrated for you deb.  Hope it all helps you, that's the main thing.

As for your 50 mile round trip, well, you chose to live in the sticks!


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## Pepper (Aug 12, 2022)

Blessed said:


> I remember once a upon a time that if tests were run and found a problem that needed surgery, you would be admitted and looked after until the surgery was done.  Now if there is a problem but not in their minds life threatening they just send you home to suffer until it is convenient for them to get the job done. They have done the tests, the problem is real but still they don't fix it.  That just boils my blood.  We pay all this money for insurance, then they do not want to let you get treatment!


They don't want you in the hospital.  That's where you can pick up life-threatening illnesses.  At least that's what they tell me.


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## win231 (Aug 12, 2022)

Pepper said:


> They don't want you in the hospital.  That's where you can pick up life-threatening illnesses.  At least that's what they tell me.


That's their excuse to make it sound like they care.
A friend had a knee replacement & they tried to send her home the next day, when she was half conscious & couldn't get out of bed.  The doctor came in while I was visiting & tried to give me that same B.S. about an infection.  After I argued, they let her stay for 2 more days.
The real reason - they want the room ready for another paying patient.

_Oh, & when a hospital patient does get an infection, it's usually caused by doctors going from patient to patient without washing their hands._


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## debodun (Aug 12, 2022)

I find most specialists are sorely lacking in "bedside manner" and are usually overbooked. When I was in the ophthalmologist's waiting room this week, there were probably 50 people waiting to see the 3 doctors there. My appointment time was 10 am and I didn't see the doctor until well after noon. It seems to me they treat patients like cattle and are very impersonal - get 'em in, get 'em out, bill insurance and Billy be darned about you. I can understand some of it. Each doctor probably sees 100 people every day and it's difficult to maintain that "good ol' doctor" demeanor with everyone. They overbook because if a patient cancels, they don't want to be out that insurance money.


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## debodun (Aug 14, 2022)

I was talking to a person after church today about having to have another surgery. She said that she gets the impression from medical professionals that they are like fly-by-night auto garages. They repair something so it will work for a while, then break again and you have to keep going back to have it fixed over and over. It's to make more money.

Can't prove it though.


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## Pepper (Aug 14, 2022)

It's certainly true for my leg stents deb.  Every two years or so, need to replace or need more.


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## debodun (Aug 15, 2022)

This is the list of "possible" risks of the retinal procedure. I had to initial that they were presented and explained to me and that I understood them. If I refused to sign off, they probably wouldn't do the surgery.


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## StarSong (Aug 15, 2022)

debodun said:


> This is the list of "possible" risks of the retinal procedure. I had to initial that they were presented and explained to me and that I understood them. If I refused to sign off, they probably wouldn't do the surgery.
> 
> View attachment 234591


Every surgery and procedure involves risk.  Medical providers are morally and legally obligated to be sure patients understand those risks and agree to take them.  Their insurers also insist on it.


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## Medusa (Aug 15, 2022)

Blessed said:


> We all know that there is nothing simple about getting medical treatment today.  I don't think we will see any end to that.  Go here, do that, get this test, this Xray. Go home and wait, can't do anything about your pain, you will just have to wait.  We will get you scheduled asap.
> 
> I remember once a upon a time that if tests were run and found a problem that needed surgery, you would be admitted and looked after until the surgery was done.  Now if there is a problem but not in their minds life threatening they just send you home to suffer until it is convenient for them to get the job done. They have done the tests, the problem is real but still they don't fix it.  That just boils my blood.  We pay all this money for insurance, then they do not want to let you get treatment!


And they make the patient do all the "leg work" now.  WTH?


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## palides2021 (Aug 15, 2022)

debodun said:


> I find most specialists are sorely lacking in "bedside manner" and are usually overbooked. When I was in the ophthalmologist's waiting room this week, there were probably 50 people waiting to see the 3 doctors there. My appointment time was 10 am and I didn't see the doctor until well after noon. It seems to me they treat patients like cattle and are very impersonal - get 'em in, get 'em out, bill insurance and Billy be darned about you. I can understand some of it. Each doctor probably sees 100 people every day and it's difficult to maintain that "good ol' doctor" demeanor with everyone. They overbook because if a patient cancels, they don't want to be out that insurance money.


Waiting for two hours is ridiculously long. If it were me, I would have changed doctors. There's no excuse for that. I can imagine how frustrating it must have been for you! Good luck with these specialists!


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## palides2021 (Aug 15, 2022)

debodun said:


> This is the list of "possible" risks of the retinal procedure. I had to initial that they were presented and explained to me and that I understood them. If I refused to sign off, they probably wouldn't do the surgery.
> 
> View attachment 234591


All surgeries have some risk. I have had similar situations where they listed the risks of a surgery. It makes you want to stop and think if it's all worth it! But, so far, everything has worked out for me. Hope all goes well with you, @debodum!


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## Medusa (Aug 15, 2022)

StarSong said:


> Every surgery and procedure involves risk.  Medical providers are morally and legally obligated to be sure patients understand those risks and agree to take them.  Their insurers also insist on it.


I don't mind signing off on a bunch of forms.  It's the administrative work that bugs me; setting up appointments for referrals and tests, calling my insurance (or providers) to get medical codes, make changes, etc.  Isn't that _their _job?  I could swear it used to be.  
Ah well, changing world.  WhatAreYaGonnaDo?


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## Medusa (Aug 15, 2022)

debodun said:


> I was talking to a person after church today about having to have another surgery. She said that she gets the impression from medical professionals that they are like fly-by-night auto garages. They repair something so it will work for a while, then break again and you have to keep going back to have it fixed over and over. It's to make more money.
> 
> Can't prove it though.


Great, medical care going the way of our tech devices, built to break in about two years.  That's just unsettling.


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## Pepper (Aug 15, 2022)

Medusa said:


> Great, medical care going the way of our tech devices, built to break in about two years.  That's just unsettling.


Built in obsolescence.


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## helenbacque (Aug 15, 2022)

Medusa said:


> Great, medical care going the way of our tech devices, built to break in about two years.  That's just unsettling.


Unsettling but acceptable because it is good for the economy.  Keeps money moving.


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## debodun (Aug 15, 2022)

palides2021 said:


> Waiting for two hours is ridiculously long.


It's that way everywhere. No matter what doctor's office and I've been in many lately. Even my PCP. For my pre-op physical my appointment was at 1:40 pm and I wasn't called in to the exam room until 2:15, then another 20 minute wait until the doc came in. And I didn't even see anyone else there!

I had the first morning appointment with a doctor I used to go to. It was at 8:30 am. He didn't show up until after 9 am. I know because he entered through the waiting room. If they start late, they're backed up already. I stopped going there because one time I brough my mom there and he had paitents standing up in the waiting room because there weren't enough chairs for them and another time I waited 2 hours when the receptionist announced that the doctor had left for the day and anyone that wanted to re-schedule to come to the window. He also spent an inordinate time talking to pharmaceutical agents and it wasn't even about medicine, I overheard him once talking about his fishing trip to a sales agennt. He's using patient's time to gab.


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## Pepper (Aug 15, 2022)

I had a PCP who was SO good & SO thorough that seeing her would take over four hours, once as long as five!  *Drove me crazy*, but she was the only really good PCP I ever had!  She is now a concierge doctor so I can't afford her any more.


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## debodun (Aug 15, 2022)

I don't know why I feel so apprehensive about the surgery this time. Most likely because the first time the doctor was optimistic even though his work didn't "take". This time (a different surgeon) was more pessimistic. I got the impression she thought she was wasting her time and it was going to be a more difficult procedure since my cataract replacement lens had a "fissure" and she is going to have to remove quite a bit of scarred retinal tissue.


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## Pepper (Aug 15, 2022)

I hope your impression is wrong.


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## Medusa (Aug 15, 2022)

Pepper said:


> I hope your impression is wrong.


Me too.  Some docs just have terrible bedside manners, but that doesn't mean they aren't good at the actual medical proceedures.


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## debodun (Aug 15, 2022)

They have to prepare you for the worst.


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## Medusa (Aug 15, 2022)

debodun said:


> They have to prepare you for the worst.


Yes, but they _can _do it gently, nicely.  Thankfully, there are still some that do and I do realize things have changed for them as well.  It's the system.


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## WheatenLover (Aug 15, 2022)

Medusa said:


> Great, medical care going the way of our tech devices, built to break in about two years.  That's just unsettling.


That may happen, but I doubt it is something that is anything other than unusual.


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## WheatenLover (Aug 15, 2022)

Medusa said:


> Yes, but they _can _do it gently, nicely.  Thankfully, there are still some that do and I do realize things have changed for them as well.  It's the system.


Did they tell you the actual risk of each item on the list? If not, they should have!


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## Medusa (Aug 15, 2022)

WheatenLover said:


> Did they tell you the actual risk of each item on the list? If not, they should have!


I'm not sure...  :/


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## StarSong (Aug 15, 2022)

WheatenLover said:


> Did they tell you the actual risk of each item on the list? If not, they should have!


That's probably why Deb's medical office spells it out, chapter and verse.  No confusion.


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## Em in Ohio (Aug 15, 2022)

debodun said:


> This is the list of "possible" risks of the retinal procedure. I had to initial that they were presented and explained to me and that I understood them. If I refused to sign off, they probably wouldn't do the surgery.
> 
> View attachment 234591'd


Personally, I would read that list and head for the door!


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## WheatenLover (Aug 15, 2022)

Medusa said:


> I'm not sure...  :/


They would have said something like only 1/10,000 people have had this happen. The docs know the risks, or they can find out.

I asked when I had surgery recently, even though I would have had it no matter what. Otherwise, the list of possible "complications" would have made me extremely anxious.


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## Kaila (Aug 15, 2022)

It's definitely very daunting and difficult, to get through all of the procedures before and after surgeries, and to deal with all of their scheduling and mis-starts and calls and paperwork, and messages that contradict each other, etc..... and the distances to some of the hospitals, as well.

I hope this one will go easier and better than expected, somehow, @debodun 
That doc did not inspire confidence, but that might not really relate directly to your results.  Could be countless reasons she presented things the way she did.  We'll hope for good results for you!

I hope you found some way to arrange your aftercare, and to prevent your having to go in person to get your own meds at the pharmacy afterwards, like you had to go multiple times, last time.

Very difficult to get thru things like this, without more helpers, but still we will hope for the best for you, this coming week, Deb.


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## debodun (Aug 15, 2022)

I just got th2 call for my surgery time...it's 7:30 am but they want me there are 5:45 am. And I have to take 2 showers - One tonight and one in the morning. I only had to do that once for the previous surgery - in the morning. My drive will be here at 5 am!


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## Medusa (Aug 15, 2022)

WheatenLover said:


> They would have said something like only 1/10,000 people have had this happen. The docs know the risks, or they can find out.
> 
> I asked when I had surgery recently, even though I would have had it no matter what. Otherwise, the list of possible "complications" would have made me extremely anxious.


Exactly.  I would have had my proceedures no matter what, as well.  So, I sign the forms and get on with it; no need for them to scare the daylights out of me.  Well, they _need _to, probably by law, but I don't need it.


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## Medusa (Aug 15, 2022)

debodun said:


> I just got th2 call for my surgery time...it's 7:30 am but they want me there are 5:45 am. And I have to take 2 showers - One tonight and one in the morning. I only had to do that once for the previous surgery - in the morning. My drive will be here at 5 am!


So glad you're close to being past this.  Hang in there.


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## StarSong (Aug 15, 2022)

debodun said:


> I just got th2 call for my surgery time...it's 7:30 am but they want me there are 5:45 am. And I have to take 2 showers - One tonight and one in the morning. I only had to do that once for the previous surgery - in the morning. My drive will be here at 5 am!


I needed a weird kind of cataract repaired about 5 years ago.  A few annoying hoops to jump through were nothing in comparison to the payoff of having my vision fully restored.  

So what if you have to get up early and take two showers within 12 hours? They're trying to minimize the presence of bacteria to reduce the possibility of infection in your eye. Seems like a good thing. 

Try to keep a good thought and a positive attitude, Deb.  Keep us posted.


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## debodun (Aug 15, 2022)

As soon as I can. Probably won't be online tomorrow.


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## Pepper (Aug 15, 2022)

debodun said:


> I just got th2 call for my surgery time...it's 7:30 am but they want me there are 5:45 am. And I have to take 2 showers - One tonight and one in the morning. I only had to do that once for the previous surgery - in the morning. *My drive will be here at 5 am!*


Your drive is a wonderful person to get up around 4am & get you at 5!  What a good person!

The best of luck for you deb!


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## debodun (Aug 15, 2022)

I really feel for her, but she volunteered and stepped in the quicksand. She not only has to get herself ready, but also has to bring her sister who can't be left alone because of Alzheimer's. I'm surprised with all the people in church only 2 stepped forward and offered to help; some probably don't even have anywhere near the problems she has. I've offered to buy her and her sister lunch, even stop for soft ice cream, but she always has a reason she can't. Won't even let me top off her gas tank. At least she only has to drive about 4 miles to my house.


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## debodun (Aug 17, 2022)

Back home now. The surgery went as well as could be expected. My intra-ocular lens didn't get displaced as the surgeon first feared. She did say that she doiscovered a "filament" inside my eye which she attempted to flush out, but was unsuccessful. I still have to lay face down a goodly part of every hour, so I just wanted to leave a message, then I have to resume the position.


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## StarSong (Aug 17, 2022)

debodun said:


> Back home now. The surgery went as well as could be expected. My intra-ocular lens didn't get displaced as the surgeon first feared. She did say that she doiscovered a "filament" inside my eye which she attempted to flush out, but was unsuccessful. I still have to lay face down a goodly part of every hour, so I just wanted to leave a message, then I have to resume the position.


Thanks for letting us know that you're ok.  Hope all works out well.


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## debodun (Aug 17, 2022)

My eye after second surgery (scroll down to see - some people may be too squeamish to look). Don't be alarmed by the purple marks, they were made by the surgeon to let her know which eye she had to work on.The pupil is dilated probably from the eye drops she used this morning.


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## Kaila (Aug 17, 2022)

I hope you recover well, Deb.


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## Jules (Aug 18, 2022)

Are you full face down or on your side this time, Deb?  7 long days?


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## debodun (Aug 18, 2022)

I have to spend between 30 and 45 minutes of every hour face down. The other times I can engage in "light" activity. I live alone, so it's tougher to manage that without someone to help.


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## Blessed (Aug 18, 2022)

It is hard, I am so sorry.  I was lucky enough to have my son come stay with me for a couple of days after a hip replacement.  I was surprised I did so well, I would have groceries delivered and they would always bring in to the front hall. They took care to put all the perishables together so I could deal with the other things when I could. I could not be up for long periods so I just focused on getting some easy things cooked and keeping clean.  Just a shower can wear you down.  Take it slow and careful in everything. I don't know your circumstances but you need to be make sure you don't put your self in a situation where you could take a fall.


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## Liberty (Aug 18, 2022)

Why not get someone on a temporary basis from Care.com or one of the other home care companies?


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## Murrmurr (Aug 18, 2022)

I'm glad for you, Deb!


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## debodun (Aug 19, 2022)

Liberty said:


> Why not get someone on a temporary basis from Care.com or one of the other home care companies?


Probably by the time I could make any arrangements, I'll be back on my feet. I tried years ago when I broke my leg and got that feedback.


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## debodun (Aug 23, 2022)

Update - Today is one week post-op on my second retinal re-attachment surgery. I won't post a photo of my eye since some people are sensitive. If you WANT to see it, PM me. It's still pretty sore and looks it, too. I can see, but like after the previous procedure, it is murky, blurry and distorted. My next follow-up with the doctor is Thursday.


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## Pinky (Aug 23, 2022)

debodun said:


> Update - Today is one week post-op on my second retinal re-attachment surgery. I won't post a photo of my eye since some people are sensitive. If you WANT to see it, PM me. It's still pretty sore and looks it, too. I can see, but like after the previous procedure, it is murky, blurry and distorted. My next follow-up with the doctor is Thursday.


@debodun 
Take care, Deb. I hope this time around, there are no issues.


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## RadishRose (Aug 24, 2022)

Heal well and quickly, Deb.


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## Seren (Aug 24, 2022)

For what it's worth, we get the run-around here too with repeated tests etc - staff shortages and those who are working battling exhaustion, people being kept on trolleys in corridors for hours as wards unable to discharge patients because they need help/support/care package but no family or neighbours or services avilable to provide, therefore the beds remain in use and no beds free to admit patients who need urgent care. A terrible status quo that's been in play here (UK) for months without respite. Our mighty and much-loved NHS is on its knees at the moment, but we are so grateful to all the doctors, nurses and other frontline staff who worked so hard throughout the pandemic to treat and care for our loved ones who were in hospital, and all the care workers in the nursing and residential homes who also tended to our loved ones during that awful time, many of whom voluntarily separated themselves from their own homes and families and chose to live-in at their places of work in order to provide that care. This country will be forever indebted to them all.

I've had cataract surgery (both eyes) and fortunately (and thankfully) healed well within the time they said I would. It made such a difference to my vision and general quality of life afterward.

I've added you to my prayer list, for swift healing without complication, and I've also added your friend and her sister. Sorry no one else from your local church was available at the time or since, and will pray that someone can step in and provide a helping hand.


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## debodun (Aug 25, 2022)

Bad news - my retina is detached AGAIN! I will need another surgery, but the doctor doesn't want to do it until my eye recovers from the last procedure. I have another office visit scheduled for September 8th where I'll probably get re-evaluated. The doctor is talking about a retinal "patch", whatever that is.


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## Pepper (Aug 25, 2022)

OMG deb I am so sorry!


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## Jules (Aug 25, 2022)

Oh no, Deb.  This is so upsetting.  Do you have any vision?  Was it gas the second time too?  I wish the best for you; I know the upset all too well.


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## Jules (Aug 25, 2022)

> A google search.
> What is a retinal patch?
> 
> 
> A treatment in development since 2013, the California Project to Cure Blindness -- Retinal Pigment Epithelium 1 (CPCB-RPE1) patch consists of *a monolayer of human stem cell-derived RPE cells cultured on an ultrathin membrane of biologically inert parylene*.



Wow.  That is really advanced.  I have never heard of anyone here getting that.  I hope you‘re a candidate.


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## debodun (Aug 25, 2022)

Jules said:


> Do you have any vision?  Was it gas the second time too?



I have _some _vision, but it is very blurry and distorted. They used silicone oil the second time, I guess they wanted to see if it made any difference. The doctor said my eye "goes wild" forming scar tissue with makes the retina pucker, then it detaches. It's only been 9 days since the last surgery.


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## Jules (Aug 25, 2022)

Having had both the oil and the gas, your vision will definitely be blurry until they remove the oil.  I have no factual medical knowledge, just support for your fears and frustration.


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## Bella (Aug 25, 2022)

I'm so sorry, Deb. I hope they can do the patch and that will put things right for you.


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## terry123 (Aug 26, 2022)

Praying for you, Deb.


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## Sunny (Aug 26, 2022)

It sounds like you are in good hands medically, Deb, in spite of the many annoyances.  Hang in there.


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## debodun (Aug 26, 2022)

From what I've read, the_ patch_ looks like some kind of stem cell therapy.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2022/03/220316114948.htm


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## Jules (Aug 26, 2022)

debodun said:


> From what I've read, the_ patch_ looks like some kind of stem cell therapy.
> 
> https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2022/03/220316114948.htm


This is an exciting possibility.


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## debodun (Sep 8, 2022)

I saw the eye surgeon today. Not much to report. I just have to wait until they can schedule the next surgery, but they said they are terribly backlogged right now.


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## debodun (Sep 8, 2022)

I also want to add that I may have misunderstood what the surgeon told me before about stem cell therapy. Today she said it's amniotic membrane transplantation. Maybe it's almost the same thing?


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## debodun (Sep 8, 2022)

The woman that's been taking me to my medical appointments wasn't as cheerful today. There was a definite change in her attitude. She must have mentioned 5 or 6 times that her lawn needed mowing. I mean she seemed obsessed with doing that chore. If this was going to be a hardship for her, she should have said something beforehand and I could have made other arrangements.


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## Pepper (Sep 8, 2022)

Can't you make different arrangements for future appointments, surgery, etc?  You don't want her to think she got in over her head.  She may even feel she is being taken advantage of.  After all, your case has turned out to be very difficult I'm sorry to say.


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## StarSong (Sep 9, 2022)

I sure hope the next surgery will sort out your eye problem.  This must be so frustrating and disheartening.

On another front, although you're averse to the idea of getting a credit card and setting up online accounts like Uber, it really is quite safe.  That's especially true for people who are security minded (like you).  I strongly recommend you press through your fears, spend a couple of days or longer researching the safety of credit cards, which are far safer than debit cards or checks, and take the plunge.

You demonstrated so much gumption by moving out of the house your parents left you and ditching many of the possessions they left behind so you could have a fresh start in a home that suited you better.  Uber or Lyft can likewise set you free, Deb. 

Nobody wants to beg rides from people who feel obligated because they agreed at one time, but as it drags on beyond what was expected, they've become resentful. Uber and Lyft rides are available 24 hours a day and can also be prearranged.


debodun said:


> The woman that's been taking me to my medical appointments wasn't as cheerful today. There was a definite change in her attitude. She must have mentioned 5 or 6 times that her lawn needed mowing. I mean she seemed obsessed with doing that chore. If this was going to be a hardship for her, she should have said something beforehand and I could have made other arrangements.


Have you given this woman a generous $50 - $100 in compensation for her gasoline and inconvenience - or so she can pay someone to mow her lawn? If she declines, tell her you are so grateful for her help that you absolutely insist and will be leaving the money in her car to do with as she likes.    

Your driver may only live 4 miles away, but she's waking up in the middle of the night, getting herself and her sister with Alzheimer's ready to go, picking you up, taking you to the doctor, then bringing you home._  Of course it's a hardship for her, _but she obviously takes her commitments seriously and she committed to you before either of you realized the depth of the obligation. 

I wouldn't ask one of my kids to do that for me without throwing money or a sizeable gift card their way, never mind a casual acquaintance from church.


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## debodun (Sep 9, 2022)

I've offered her money, to pay for gasoline, and treat for restaurant meals, but she's refused all. I made a donation to the church building fund in the names of people that have helped me during my indisposition and have told them that in thank you cards.


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## jujube (Sep 9, 2022)

I, too, am nervous about any more eye surgery.  The first one made it worse and the second one left me with a dead spot in the middle of my retina, which means I have no central vision in the middle of my right eye.  I do have peripheral vision but it's not good.  It's impossible to read with the right eye.  

They're talking about a third surgery, which I'm leery of.  Maybe I should quit while I still have _some_ vision in that eye.


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## Jules (Sep 9, 2022)

StarSong said:


> On another front, although you're averse to the idea of getting a credit card and setting up online accounts like Uber, it really is quite safe. That's especially true for people who are security minded (like you). I strongly recommend you press through your fears, spend a couple of days or longer researching the safety of credit cards, which are far safer than debit cards or checks, and take the plunge.


Great practical advice by StarSong.  
If you’re worried about a credit card being associated with your main bank, consider setting up an account in another bank and getting a credit card there.  Credit cards are insured for theft.  You can arrange to have the monthly balance be paid automatically.  Every transaction I make sends an automatic alert to my cell phone, and in my case that also means my watch.


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## StarSong (Sep 9, 2022)

debodun said:


> I've offered her money, to pay for gasoline, and treat for restaurant meals, but she's refused all. I made a donation to the church building fund in the names of people that have helped me during my indisposition and have told them that in thank you cards.


From what you've said she's becoming resentful about shuttling you to these appointments.   

If it were me I'd tell her I was leaving money in her car and would make it a generous amount.  She's done you a huge favor.  Imagine what it would have cost if you'd needed to arrange taxis...

If she doesn't want the money she can donate it wherever she chooses.


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## debodun (Sep 16, 2022)

Next surgery date - October 18th. I am looking for a new driver since the woman that's been taking me to my procedures and follow-ups was very cool the last time we went, I am still wondering about that since she could have begged off. I have sent out emails to the church members, friends and relatives I felt would have the time and ability to do it. Haven't heard anything back yet.


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## debodun (Sep 17, 2022)

Received a call from the retina office saying they still haven't been able to contact my PCP and asked if there was another doctor I could see for my pre-op clearance exam. Yeahhhhh...try to get an appointment with a doctor with whom you're not an established patient.


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## debodun (Sep 19, 2022)

The woman that's been taking me to my medical appointmenst sent a message through the church secretary that she and her sister both have contracted COVID. She had to take her sister to the ER because of dehydration. This almost assures me that I will have to look to someone else for transportation. I did the other woman I contacted about it in church yestdrday and asked her if she had received my email. She said she hadn't, so either it got sent to her spam folder or she is ignoring me.


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## StarSong (Sep 19, 2022)

debodun said:


> The woman that's been taking me to my medical appointmenst sent a message through the church secretary that she and her sister both have contracted COVID. She had to take her sister to the ER because of dehydration. This almost assures me that I will have to look to someone else for transportation. I did the other woman I contacted about it in church yestdrday and asked her if she had received my email. She said she hadn't, so either it got sent to her spam folder or she is ignoring me.


Are there no taxis or public transports in your area that you could use, Deb?


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## debodun (Sep 19, 2022)

No - I live in the boondocks.


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## Pepper (Sep 19, 2022)

Uber, Lyft, Taxi in Stillwater, NY | Rideshare & Taxi Near Me​https://uphail.com › ny › stillwater

Uber UBERX Rate Table for Stillwater, NY ; _Safe Ride Fee, $2.40_ ; Minimum Fare, $7.90 ; Base Fare, $1.17 ; Cancellation Fee, $5.75.


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## debodun (Sep 19, 2022)

They just drop off and don't wait. In addition, the hospital requires a "responsible" person accompany me to and from the surgery - Uber, MediCabs and the like do not qualify as such.


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## Pepper (Sep 19, 2022)

Yes, and your responsible person is your Uber driver.  Call Uber and tell them the situation.  Another driver can drive you home.


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## Kika (Sep 19, 2022)

I don't know if it is available to you, but I hired someone to pick me up from outpatient surgery.  I got myself there, but gave the person's name and phone number.  They actually called her to confirm.  Yours is more complex as you also need a driver.  I hope something/someone appears that can help you.


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## debodun (Sep 19, 2022)

Pepper said:


> Yes, and your responsible person is your Uber driver.


The hospital disagrees with you. It was in my pre-op instructions. It has to be a relative or close friend.


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## debodun (Sep 24, 2022)

Still looking for transportation for my next surgery and follow-up appointment. Not many people are willing to be available at 5:30 am, drive 60 miles and wait 6 hours, even with a bribe of money, food and gasoline. One woman in church said to me, "If you need anything, just ask." Well I did and she said, "Well, I meant like getting groceries." I guess my definition of ANYTHING is different than hers.


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## Bella (Sep 24, 2022)

debodun said:


> *Still looking for transportation for my next surgery and follow-up appointment.* Not many people are willing to be available at 5:30 am, drive 60 miles and wait 6 hours, even with a bribe of money, food and gasoline. One woman in church said to me, "If you need anything, just ask." Well I did and she said, "Well, I meant like getting groceries." I guess my definition of ANYTHING is different than hers.


Debs, have you tried calling your local Area on Aging? I'm not sure, but they might be able to help.

https://aging.ny.gov/programs/transportation


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## debodun (Sep 24, 2022)

Hospitals here do not allow patients to be transported by anyone other than a close friend or relative. If they did, I could get the local medi-van.


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## StarSong (Sep 24, 2022)

debodun said:


> Still looking for transportation for my next surgery and follow-up appointment. Not many people are willing to be available at 5:30 am, drive 60 miles and wait 6 hours, even with a bribe of money, food and gasoline. One woman in church said to me, "If you need anything, just ask." Well I did and she said, "Well, I meant like getting groceries." I guess my definition of ANYTHING is different than hers.


Your church acquaintance obviously assumed a typical request.  What you've laid out is a very big ask of anyone.  

People willing to kill a whole day like that tend to be close relatives or very close friends. 

Can you book a hotel near the surgical center for a night or two?


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## debodun (Sep 24, 2022)

StarSong said:


> Can you book a hotel near the surgical center for a night or two?


I have to be where someone can keep an eye on my the night after the surgery. 
I probably couldn't get a hotel room if there was one. Most of those places require a credit card. 
And even then , how would I get there?


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## HoneyNut (Sep 24, 2022)

debodun said:


> Hospitals here do not allow patients to be transported by anyone other than a close friend or relative. If they did, I could get the local medi-van.


Will they really know?  Maybe they say that so that they won't have any legal responsibility, so you could just lie?  

Could you try at your church and get two separate people to volunteer, it is asking an awful lot to expect someone to wait six hours, but maybe one early-bird type wouldn't mind taking you, and then a different person could pick up (and be willing to pretend to be a close friend or family if anyone were to actually ask).


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## HoneyNut (Sep 24, 2022)

debodun said:


> I have to be where someone can keep an eye on my the night after the surgery.


Wouldn't it be nice if we could just rent a camera and point it at our bed and pay someone to monitor it, because my real life experience after surgery is that the family member who was filling the role of the person keeping an eye on me went to bed to sleep too.


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## StarSong (Sep 24, 2022)

debodun said:


> I have to be where someone can keep an eye on my the night after the surgery.
> I probably couldn't get a hotel room if there was one. Most of those places require a credit card.
> And even then , how would I get there?


It's probably time for you to break down and get a credit card, Deb.  You could get there with an Uber or taxi.


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## Pinky (Sep 24, 2022)

StarSong said:


> It's probably time for you to break down and get a credit card, Deb.  You could get there with an Uber or taxi.


I agree, Deb. It's time for you to have at least one major credit card.


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## Mr. Ed (Sep 25, 2022)

I am so frustrated about my upcoming eye surgery I can't see straight.​


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## Jules (Sep 25, 2022)

What would happen if someone was ready to leave the hospital and there was no family or friend there to meet you?  Probably nothing.  The hospital isn’t going to insist on keeping you.  If you don’t tell them you’re leaving in a cab/Uber/etc, how would they know.


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## debodun (Sep 25, 2022)

Today at church, I spoke to the woman that took me to a doctor's appointment on one of my early visits. She said she take me take me for my surgery and for the follow-up the next day. Bless her heart!


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## debodun (Sep 27, 2022)

I just received an email from the woman that said she'd take me for my appointments. She's tested positive for COVID. She metioned Sunday she wasn't feeling well and was wearing a mask.


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## Georgiagranny (Sep 27, 2022)

@debodun  For crying out loud! Remember when you still had the other house and complained long and loud about whatever was the current crisis? Remember when no matter what possible solution was suggested, there was a reason why you "couldn't" do that? Remember those occasions?

You finally bought a new house, sold the old one, and improved your accommodations immensely.

Well...Do yourself a favor now and stop living in the world of insurmountable problems and start living in the world of possibilities.

A credit card would open up that world. Even a debit card would be a big improvement. As far as can be seen, you have all kinds of excuses for not having either a credit card or a debit card. Yup. Excuses. Not valid reasons. Excuses.

You certainly do have a way of resisting any sort of change whatsoever, even when it has obvious benefits for you and _*costs you*_ _*nothing.*_

We're now into the 23rd year of the 21st century. Join it.


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## debodun (Sep 27, 2022)

And how is having a credit card going to help me with transportation? I've already said the hospital won't allow anything but a trusted friend or close family member to act in that capacity.


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## Pepper (Sep 27, 2022)

debodun said:


> And how is having a credit card going to help me with transportation? I've already said the hospital won't allow anything but a trusted friend or close family member to act in that capacity.


I doubt it was worded "trusted friend or close family member."  I've been in hospital situations too many times, unfortunately.  Sounds like advice, not a demand.


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## Georgiagranny (Sep 27, 2022)

First of all, ask to speak to a patient rep at the hospital and ask for help, then use the credit/debit card to resolve the transpo and/or overnight accommodations. Like an overnight caregiver, for instance         

Use your noodle. You won't be the first person to ask for help. It's out there, but it isn't going to come to you without knowing you need help or what kind of help you need.


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## terry123 (Sep 28, 2022)

you will have a case manager assigned to your surgery.  Get with her and she will help you resolve these issues.  Also get a credit card not a debit card.  You can dispute credit card charges if needed to but a debit card takes money out of your account and takes longer to resolve issues.


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## StarSong (Sep 28, 2022)

terry123 said:


> you will have a case manager assigned to your surgery.  Get with her and she will help you resolve these issues.  Also get a credit card not a debit card.  You can dispute credit card charges if needed to but a debit card takes money out of your account and takes longer to resolve issues.


Major bank credit cards are probably the safest form of payment when it comes to theft or fraud.  Fraudulent charges are absorbed by the CC company, not the cardholder.  It's the opposite situation with cash, checks or debit cards. 

I agree with @Georgiagranny. It's time to set your fears aside and take the plunge. When it comes to credit cards your fears don't line up with the reality of your (virtually nonexistent) risks. 

You're an independent woman, Deb. I suspect you'd feel a whole lot better arranging and paying professional drivers rather than begging massive favors of acquaintances. (BTW, unlike taxis, Uber advises you of the ride's cost before you agree to have the driver show up at your door.)


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## debodun (Sep 28, 2022)

I did apply for a CC at the local bank years ago and was turned down - 'no credit history' they cited. How can I get a credit hostory if I can't get a card? It like applying for your first job and can't get hired because you have no work history. That discouraged me and I never tried again.


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## Jules (Sep 28, 2022)

debodun said:


> I did apply for a CC at the local bank years ago and was turned down - 'no credit history' they cited. How can I get a credit hostory if I can't get a card? It like applying for your first job and can't get hired because you have no work history. That discouraged me and I never tried again.


Go in and talk to a manager at your bank and have them give you a recommendation.  There’re a variety of CCs.  Once you get used to using it, you can change to another card because now you’ll have a credit rating.


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## StarSong (Sep 28, 2022)

debodun said:


> I did apply for a CC at the local bank years ago and was turned down - 'no credit history' they cited. How can I get a credit hostory if I can't get a card? It like applying for your first job and can't get hired because you have no work history. That discouraged me and I never tried again.


You own a home and have money in that bank, correct?  That should be enough to get your credit going.


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## debodun (Sep 28, 2022)

I own a home, car, have no debts to my knowledge and have PLAENTY of money in that bank. I just don't understand it. BTW - it WAS the manager I talked with about it.


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## Kika (Sep 28, 2022)

Will your bank issue you a secured credit card?  You would deposit an agreed upon amount of money in a separate (I think) account at your bank.  The credit card they issue will have a limit of the "secured" amount that you deposit.

Hard to believe, with your assets, that you were turned down totally.

(edited to change UP to UPON)


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## Georgiagranny (Sep 28, 2022)

@debodun You said that was "years ago". That was then. This is now. You have a mortgage. Apply again.


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## Knight (Sep 28, 2022)

Deb posted
I did apply for a CC at the local bank years ago and was turned down

But since then What?

Googled this 
 instant approval credit card offers

Maybe trying applying online would work


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## debodun (Sep 29, 2022)

I don't have a mortgage.


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## StarSong (Sep 29, 2022)

Knight said:


> Deb posted
> I did apply for a CC at the local bank years ago and was turned down
> 
> But since then What?
> ...


I agree.  

An observation: 
My 9 month old grandson is becoming increasingly mobile. Three weeks ago, he fell on his bottom every time he tried to stand up. Now he pulls himself up without a problem and has moved on to the next skill: holding onto the furniture while walking alongside (aka cruising). He is thoroughly undaunted by hundreds or thousands of failed attempts. He falls and gets right back up and tries again. 

The older we get the more likely we are to give up after a single unsuccessful attempt. Then we wallow in our our victimhood, trotting out our litany of why we don't have what we want: life isn't fair, it's too hard, "they" didn't explain it to me properly, I liked it better the old way, nobody will help me, etc. (I'm as guilty as the next person.) 

It's funny - people say "Don't be such a baby." Seems to me we should be saying, "Don't be such an adult." If babies acted like adults, they'd cry in their cribs forever. 

Deb, if first you don't succeed, try, try again.


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## Georgiagranny (Sep 29, 2022)

Fine. You're a homeowner with a healthy bank balance. You also have utilities and insurance in your name. 

No matter what anyone suggests you come back with, at best, a specious response. For crying out loud! You seem to really like to feel put upon and misunderstood and seemingly hopeless.

Get off your como se llama and make an effort to help yourself live a more convenient life.


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## Pepper (Sep 29, 2022)

A secured card, like @Kika said.  That will very soon, after using it a few times, you will be eligible for the unsecured type.  A secured one is an excellent idea.

Years ago, when my husband & I had no credit history we got store cards that most everyone can get without a credit history, used them, paid in a timely fashion and within a year we were eligible for any card we wanted.


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## Georgiagranny (Sep 29, 2022)

Doubtful that she needs a secured card. She's a property owner with a positive bank balance. She's had insurance and utilities in her own name for years.

No credit history is a valid reason in many cases. No credit history is not a roadblock in Deb's case.

The roadblock in Deb's case is Deb. Apparently, complaining is easier than solving the problem.

And I'm done. If Deb wanted a solution, she'd have one.


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## HoneyNut (Sep 29, 2022)

debodun said:


> I own a home, car, have no debts to my knowledge and have PLAENTY of money in that bank. I just don't understand it. BTW - it WAS the manager I talked with about it.


Do you have any of your money in an investment place like Fidelity?  I think Fidelity can issue credit cards (I don't have one but have gotten advertisements in the mail from them).


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## HoneyNut (Sep 29, 2022)

Deb,
This link is a list of credit cards that don't require a credit history (just found googling)

https://www.bankrate.com/finance/cr...tm_plcmnttgt=&utm_campaign=sembrcc&utm_kwdid={kwdid}&gclid=CjwKCAjwhNWZBhB_EiwAPzlhNpE0qtKpR-3eQZfyblsphU3B9Pe4-pXvzApJrJzFoLiMiT1e9dhBOxoC2uwQAvD_BwE


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## Knight (Sep 29, 2022)

HoneyNut said:


> Do you have any of your money in an investment place like Fidelity?  I think Fidelity can issue credit cards (I don't have one but have gotten advertisements in the mail from them).


I'd like to warn against applying for a credit card that is associated with Fidelity. I had an issue/dispute filed with the Visa card associated with Fidelity. I filed the dispute BEFORE the payment was due. The card company said the would investigate & put a temporary hold on payment. 

The investigation came back as they would honor the request by the seller & debit my bank account.  Fidelity has a branch office here so I went there to explain the seller was someone I didn't order from. That what was delivered was not what I ordered. I presented documentation proving my reason for the dispute. Fidelity rep said they would contact the credit card company on my behalf. The dispute was settled in my favor. Meanwhile I cancelled that card.  

Short version Elan financial the parent company for the Visa account isn't a good company to be associated with.


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## Jules (Sep 29, 2022)

Knight, your response is valid and exactly the excuse she will use why she must never have one.  What she‘s not realizing is that problems are rare and even more rare that the issue isn’t solved right away.  A CC is secured.


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## Knight (Sep 29, 2022)

Jules said:


> Knight, your response is valid and exactly the excuse she will use why she must never have one.  What she‘s not realizing is that problems are rare and even more rare that the issue isn’t solved right away.  A CC is secured.


Sadly very true. Deb presents problems, posters offer good advice that is ignored in favor of dragging out her issues. But it's understandable, she lives alone & if posts were followed over the years her parents influence left her distrusting a lot of things. Maybe given a little more time & encouragement from those who care like you, she will adapt to some modern technology like a cell phone & trusting the use of a credit card.


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## Sliverfox (Sep 29, 2022)

I agree with Knight.
Deb's parents must have    beat it into Deb's  brain that  banks aren't to be trusted.
I wonder  does she even have a checking account?


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## debodun (Sep 29, 2022)

It's not banks - it's credit card companies.


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## StarSong (Sep 29, 2022)

debodun said:


> It's not banks - it's credit card companies.


Your parents were basing their opinions on mostly incorrect information that was decades old.  Do your own research.  Check out federal laws and look at CC agreements.  

Critical thinking moment: Does it make sense to you that nearly all Americans would have CCs if we could be held financially liable for fraudulent charges?


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## debodun (Sep 29, 2022)

I see commericals all the time about the companies that help get people that are victims of identity theft. Having a CC makes one more of a target.


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## Don M. (Sep 29, 2022)

debodun said:


> I see commericals all the time about the companies that help get people that are victims of identity theft. Having a CC makes one more of a target.


Like so many of these TV commercials....these ID theft commercials are 99% baloney....they only help you for a "fee".  

If you get a Discover Card, and monitor your usage/account, the odds of ever having a problem are very slim.  If you should ever see a bogus charge, they have a 24/7 800 number that can quickly delete the transaction.   

In today's world, Not having a credit card puts you at a substantial disadvantage.


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## Bella (Sep 29, 2022)

Convincing arguments to get a credit card have been made by all in this thread. I commend your efforts, and you can keep at it until the cows come home, but it won't make a difference. The bottom line is that Debs isn't going to get one until she gets backed into a corner and she has absolutely no other choice. You've done your best to assure her that it's safe, but she's still not convinced and there's nothing anyone can say that will convince her otherwise, although you've made a valiant effort.

Debs, the day is coming when you won't be able to impose on others for a ride. You think it's frustrating now. What will you do then?

You know, I wish you well. Good luck.  

Bella


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## debodun (Sep 29, 2022)

When I did my aunt's estate about 10 years ago, I discovered she was over $40K in debt because of a credit card which was more than her estate was worth. What a mess trying to straighten that out. I had to have the estate attorney negotiate a settlement with her debtors for a fraction of what she owed.


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## Sliverfox (Sep 29, 2022)

Which is why you put a limit on any credit card.

I think Two Thousand dollars is as low as you can go .


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## Kika (Sep 29, 2022)

debodun said:


> When I did my aunt's estate about 10 years ago, I discovered she was over $40K in debt because of a credit card which was more than her estate was wort


Responsible people do not allow that to happen.  If you had a credit card, you use it and pay it off in full before the due date.  

If you are used to paying cash, you would most likely use the CC only when necessary, such as a hotel room, Uber, Lyft, or buying things online.  It is also convenient, as you can have groceries delivered during bad weather or when you are not feeling well.


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## Bella (Sep 29, 2022)

debodun said:


> When I did* my aunt*'s estate about 10 years ago, I discovered *she was over $40K in debt because of a credit card *which was more than her estate was worth. What a mess trying to straighten that out. I had to have the estate attorney negotiate a settlement with her debtors for a fraction of what she owed.


That's not a valid excuse, Debs. _You are not your aunt._ You're smart enough to only use a credit card when you need to and to not go into debt. Another excuse, shot down. Keep 'em comin'.


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## Kika (Sep 29, 2022)

debodun said:


> When I did my aunt's estate about 10 years ago, I discovered she was over $40K in debt *because of a credit card* which was more than her estate was worth


It was not* because *of a credit card.  It was *because *of how she probably only made minimum payments and let interest accrue and possibly late charges.  My guess is that the interest amounted to more than her purchases with the CC.


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## Pauline1954 (Oct 25, 2022)

StarSong said:


> Every surgery and procedure involves risk.  Medical providers are morally and legally obligated to be sure patients understand those risks and agree to take them.  Their insurers also insist on it.


I havent been told about the risks, yet. Just a visit with the doctor and be scheduled my first eye cataract surgery tomorrow. I did however try to find the risks online. They need to treat us like people not time slots with a dollar sign in it.$$$$


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## Pauline1954 (Oct 25, 2022)

debodun said:


> I've offered her money, to pay for gasoline, and treat for restaurant meals, but she's refused all. I made a donation to the church building fund in the names of people that have helped me during my indisposition and have told them that in thank you cards.


Take a cab, uber or bus. She may not show up at a point in time when you really are counting on her


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## debodun (Oct 25, 2022)

Cataract doesn't have the risks RD does, although I can say it doesn't have SOME risks.


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## debodun (Oct 25, 2022)

Pauline1954 said:


> Take a cab, uber or bus. She may not show up at a point in time when you really are counting on her


Hospital says it has to be a "responsible" person, not someone that dumps me out and takes off.


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## Pauline1954 (Oct 25, 2022)

debodun said:


> Hospital says it has to be a "responsible" person, not someone that dumps me out and takes off.


Oh yikes. Im sorry.


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## StarSong (Oct 25, 2022)

debodun said:


> Hospital says it has to be a "responsible" person, not someone that dumps me out and takes off.


You've lined up someone, correct?


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## debodun (Oct 25, 2022)

StarSong said:


> You've lined up someone, correct?


As far as I know. All my 'victims' were in church Sunday, so I assume they are over their maladies.


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## win231 (Oct 25, 2022)

Medusa said:


> And they make the patient do all the "leg work" now.  WTH?


That's not all they do to cut their costs.
When I took my friend to her consultation to have her knee replacement, she was given a bunch of Rx wipes to use on her skin, along with instructions on how to use it to prevent infection.
That not only saves them money, since they don't have to pay an orderly, but if she does get an infection, they can say, "Well, YOU did your own skin disinfection; you missed a spot, so it's your fault."


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## Wayne (Oct 25, 2022)

I was referred to a surgeon by my oncologist he said I would NOT LIKE HIM BUT HE WAS VERY GOOD, he was correct on his assessment of it.


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## debodun (Oct 25, 2022)

Bedside manner is nice, but I figure I'm not looking for a boyfriend. He can be Ebenezer Scrooge as long as he does a good job.

The last time I saw my PCP, she was very curt and dismissive and seemed distracted. I didn't like that she's started bringing her 2 small dogs into the building - that seems very unprofessional to have dogs running up and down the corridors.


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## Medusa (Oct 25, 2022)

win231 said:


> That's not all they do to cut their costs.
> When I took my friend to her consultation to have her knee replacement, she was given a bunch of Rx wipes to use on her skin, along with instructions on how to use it to prevent infection.
> That not only saves them money, since they don't have to pay an orderly, but if she does get an infection, they can say, "Well, YOU did your own skin disinfection; you missed a spot, so it's your fault."


That's atrocious!


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## Blessed (Oct 25, 2022)

debodun said:


> As far as I know. All my 'victims' were in church Sunday, so I assume they are over their maladies.


That needs to be nailed down, just become someone is in chruch does not mean something will not change.  They might get sick again or any number of things. Please contact the person again and make sure they still agree to take you.


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