# Short story:  Adopt a Cat  -  Will make you laugh or smile



## Cookie (Jun 12, 2015)

*Adopt a Cat!*

*By Rebecca Turkewitz*

 Welcome  to Pick of the Litter Cat Shelter’s new adoption Web site! We’re a  volunteer-run, no-kill, not-for-profit animal rescue, trying to find  fur-ever homes for our lovable little orphans.
 Please take a moment to browse our site and find your new life companion.
*
Lucy (female, brown tabby, four years old):*
 Hi! My name is Lucy and I just love to cuddle! I purr all the time,  especially when I have a warm lap to sleep on. If you take me home,  you’ll be the center of my whole universe! Wouldn’t that make you stop  feeling so insignificant?


*
Chaz (male, gray shorthair, one year old):*
 You can call my Chazzy! I love to run and run. The ladies at the  shelter say I’m the fastest cat they’ve ever seen. But no matter how  fast or far I go I always come racing back. I can show you that not  everything good in life leaves.

*
Pumpkin (female, tortoiseshell, six months old):*
 Hi there! My name’s Pumpkin, because I was born on Halloween! My very  favorite things to do are play with my laser light and chase string. I  can fill the hollow feeling that’s been growing in your chest, which you  melodramatically attribute to a sense of existential dread, even though  we both know it’s nothing as romantic as that. Just admit it: you’re  lonely.

*
Ethel (female, gray shorthair, twelve years old):*
 I’m Ethel. I’ve had sort of a tough life, so sometimes it takes a while  for me to warm up to you. The hurt and disappointment in my eyes might  remind you of your mother’s disapproving stare. But I bet you can win me  over! And I won’t ever buy your sister more Christmas presents than I  buy for you.

*
Rocky (male, long-haired calico, four years old):*
 Hi! The name’s Rocky! I’m a handsome calico cat with the most unusual  markings on my fur coat. I wish you’d come down to the shelter and see  for yourself! I’ll never judge you for calling in sick at work so you  can lounge around in your underwear and watch all of the Harry Potter  movies in a row. And I’ll certainly never tell anyone about the dreams  you’ve been having in which you try (unsuccessfully) to seduce  Dumbledore.

*
Rex (male, black-and-white shorthair, six years old):*
 I’m Rex! When I was found, I was completely feral. I don’t always trust  people, and occasionally I’ll swipe at the nice ladies who take care of  me at the shelter, but I’m beginning to like being petted. I know you  probably have lots of experience trying to tame wild men, because of  your “musician” phase in college, so you’d be perfect for the task. Even  though you couldn’t change Daryl, I’m confident you could help me. I  just want to be a better man.

*
Snowflake (male, white, seven months old):*
 People call me Snowflake because I have the most beautiful white fur.  I’m so eager to please that I’ll follow you at your ankles everywhere  you go. If you come visit me, I think you might find that my dazzling  blue eyes remind you of the adoring gaze of the first boy you ever  dated, when you were still willing to give all of yourself away to  someone. Or had you forgotten there was a time when you were blissfully  ignorant of how barbed and devastating love could be?

*
Captain Kirk (male, Siamese, three years old):*
 Hello there! Or should I say, “Meow!” My favorite toy is my stuffed  mouse, which I never let out of my sight. But I would never be so  possessive of you. If you want to go dancing and cut loose with your  friends every once in a while, I think you’ve more than earned the right  to do so. I understand that you’re an independent woman with a damn  good job that you worked hard to get, even if your mother still wishes  you were a doctor instead of a vet. Just because your sister, the  hot-shot cardiologist, is happy with that life, it doesn’t mean it would  be right for you.

*
Snickers (female, Maine-coon mix, two years old):*
 Listen: I know what happened at the lake when you were seven years old.  I know how your mom yelled at you on the way there, telling you to  behave yourself and be more like your sister. Then, when you were  roughhousing, you held your sister’s face underwater for just a second  longer than you normally would have. I know what was going through your  head. I know the terrible thing that you, if only for a fleeting moment,  contemplated doing. And I forgive you. You were young. You were  hurting. You don’t need to bear the weight of this terrible secret alone  any longer. I’m here for you. I love you. Together, we’ll fight off the  twin demons of shame and remorse. You and I will take on whatever  challenges this crazy senseless world throws our way! Also, I need  eardrops administered twice a day.


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## Shalimar (Jun 12, 2015)

Cookie, that was delightful.


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## RadishRose (Jun 13, 2015)

Funny and perceptive at the same time.


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## oakapple (Jun 13, 2015)

If ever so slightly sinister.


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## Cookie (Jun 13, 2015)

thanks, just a bit of dark humor to brighten your day, LOL.


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## Geezerette (Jun 15, 2015)

LOL, puts a whole new dimension on "pet therapy"!


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## jujube (Jun 15, 2015)

Loved it!


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