# Caregiving Can Be Tough



## fureverywhere (Feb 1, 2016)

I mean I can't complain. There are people in much worse positions. But when someone has a progressive illness it's hard. The focus becomes on their condition, do some of you hear me? Hubby has maybe mid-range/early Parkinson's. I've read enough Michael J. Fox memoirs and texts to know where he is at. G-d bless he's still working at a challenging job.

But I'm only five years younger. I'm not a Spring Chicken. I have two kids still at home, the companion animals, the hoops to jump through searching for a job, keeping the house from not being buried in fur, the litter boxes alone, the laundry, the kitchen, the whole house. There are days when my body parts hurt...not as bad as you...but really. I'm running the circus.

I don't know the point of this post. I guess it means as a caregiver you have to take care of yourself too. For me that is maybe a 5-8 mile hike with good tunes. Some people yoga or whatever. But yeah, no one is going to give you a big hug and say you're doing too much. You have to pat yourself on the back and give yourself deserved time-outs. Nobody else will, don't feel guilty...it works.


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## jujube (Feb 1, 2016)

I wish I _could_ give you a big hug.  I _will_ keep you in my thoughts.


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 1, 2016)

You definitely have a lot on your plate Fur, I know caregiving can be tough, just did it for a few years and it was very trying at times.  I'm glad you have the energy and will to get some 'me' time in for yourself, walking is the best thing for mind and body.  Kudos for doing all you do, and please take good care of yourself...not only for you, but for your loved ones...hugs.


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## vickyNightowl (Feb 1, 2016)

Fur,the point of your post was to express your overwhelming sometimes,life.
Thank you for sharing that,having 3 jobs at one time,while hubby was laid off,and doing everything else,I had a mini breakdown. I had become a soldier trying to prove that I can handle it all.
Take care of yourself ,you deserve it.  'Hugs'


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## FazeFour (Feb 2, 2016)

I sure know what you're talking about, Furry. The job is not only physically demanding, it drains you mentally and emotionally. Yes, you are under-appreciated, it seems a thankless job that only other care-givers understand. In the 14 years I took care of my parents, I'd have been happy just to be given a weekend off once in a while...a couple of times a year would have been great. But, Furry, no one can do that job with as much love, organization, and thoroughness as you, and I think you know that. Love yourself for it.


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## Babsinbloom65 (Feb 2, 2016)

fureverywhere said:


> I mean I can't complain. There are people in much worse positions. But when someone has a progressive illness it's hard. The focus becomes on their condition, do some of you hear me? Hubby has maybe mid-range/early Parkinson's. I've read enough Michael J. Fox memoirs and texts to know where he is at. G-d bless he's still working at a challenging job.
> 
> But I'm only five years younger. I'm not a Spring Chicken. I have two kids still at home, the companion animals, the hoops to jump through searching for a job, keeping the house from not being buried in fur, the litter boxes alone, the laundry, the kitchen, the whole house. There are days when my body parts hurt...not as bad as you...but really. I'm running the circus.
> 
> I don't know the point of this post. I guess it means as a caregiver you have to take care of yourself too. For me that is maybe a 5-8 mile hike with good tunes. Some people yoga or whatever. But yeah, no one is going to give you a big hug and say you're doing too much. You have to pat yourself on the back and give yourself deserved time-outs. Nobody else will, don't feel guilty...it works.


I hear you fureverywear and I wish I could come and give you a hand. I was a Caregiver for my Moma for a few years and even though I had five sisters who helped too...there were still days when it was overwhelming. Try to find some time for yourself every day so you can have some refreshing which will be good for you and everyone else too. Think if there is anything you can eliminate from your life so that you have less to take care of or do. And if there is family or friends, etc. who would be willing to help out in any way from giving you a break for a few hours or more to cooking a meal for your family, or running some errands, etc. then reach out and ask for the help you need. In all the care you are giving, find a way to give as much care to yourself as you can too. It will make a world of difference.


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## Debby (Feb 2, 2016)

All of the above fur and I'll try to keep my whining to a minimum!


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## oldman (Feb 2, 2016)

You have to be careful. Sometimes the person receiving the care outlives the caregiver because of the issues that you have stated.


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## fureverywhere (Feb 2, 2016)

Thank you for the kind words everybody. I guess what set me off yesterday was there are days I guess when he's hurtin' and it makes him cranky. He came down to the kitchen and he shuffles so I tried to stay out of his way. Instead of " How was your morning?" he's sniping at the cats and asking why the dog's water is empty...Because I am trying to give you room to move, otherwise I could just hog the sink filling the bottle, then I could push you the other direction and feed the cats. Come on I'm trying to be nice here.


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## Debby (Feb 2, 2016)

Do you ever get a break from all this pressure fureverywhere?  I would think you must feel like you're going to explode sometimes because it sounds like you've an 'awful lot on your plate'.  

Sometimes one just snaps, so hopefully if you have a day like that now and then, the folks around you will understand and cut you some slack.


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## fureverywhere (Feb 2, 2016)

Yup, I tell them the traffic was tied up. Get my FitBit steps in through town...stop for my favorite drink at the supermarket. Then maybe an hour or two at the library reading whatever looks interesting. Then refreshed and ready to go home.


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## Bluecheese50 (Feb 4, 2016)

Being a carer certainly isn't easy, especially when the person you have to keep an eye on doesn't believe they are in need of care! My husband's left side of his brain was completely trashed when an aneurysm burst in 2006. Due to his high level of intelligence, which was at Mensa level he has put a lot back on the right side, but it is not possible to put everything back.  He finds it very hard to accept that occasionally I know best, especially where his general health is concerned. I admit to not being as patient with him as I should be, and when I am really mad at him I threaten him with a care home! He says he will commit suicide if he has to go into one, I tell him I will save him the trouble and pick up a pillow!


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## mitchezz (Feb 4, 2016)

I've been caring for my son for over 30 years now. We have our moments but I'd say I've grown into the Carer's role and I manage quite well now. In the next few months we become eligible for the new NDIS (National Disability Insurance Scheme) introduced by the previous Labor Party Government. I have a meeting next week to work out how I'll use it.


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## Linda (Feb 4, 2016)

So many of you here have a lot of your plate, I feel ashamed of myself for all the whining I do about things.    This will give me something to think about when I start to have my next "pity party".


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## Bluecheese50 (Feb 5, 2016)

One thing I will not do is pity my husband, obviously I am sorry he had a subarachnoid haemorrhage, but to treat him differently as a person would be to demean him, imo. Of course he doesn't always enjoy the fact that I tell him like it is, just as I would have done before. I also point out that he is fortunate to have such a 'wonderful' wife who is prepared to put up with him!  He had made it quite clear when we had a 'what if' discussion, a couple of years before his illness, there was no way he could consider looking after me if I became disabled. Mind you, it would have been fate worse than death having him as my carer, he was always completely useless if I was ill, passing over my care to the kids when they were old enough, or getting my Mother to fly over to do the business when they were too young!


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## Bettyann (Feb 7, 2016)

Hi there, Fur~!
Sounds to me like you are doing an excellent job of keeping it all together. Very proud of you for figuring it out that you owe time to yourself...like your hiking, doing yoga, or being with other people! Good for you! I did home care work for quite a few years, and you betcher boots, some of those jobs were reeeeeally challenging! Just keep up doing things your enjoy (when you can!) and am also sending you a hug saying "I understand!":love_heart:


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## Babsinbloom65 (Feb 11, 2016)

How's the caregiving going fureverywhere?


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## fureverywhere (Feb 11, 2016)

As I posted about last night, no fun sometimes. Something that's hard to watch especially with ongoing illness is the change in your partners appearance. Jeez hubby was linebacker size back in the day. Now...I mean he's still taller than me but frail ya know. It used to be if I tripped or something I knew he could pick me up easy...almost reversed roles here.


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