# Back in the dating scene



## gib (Jun 25, 2016)

I am 61 male divorced and recently started to date again! Boy its tough out there these days at this age. Ive had some good...and some bad...experiences so far. Any advice or experiences from both sexes welcome. Thanks


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## Gemma (Jun 25, 2016)

Good for you gib!  
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





I don't have any experience in this field since I'm happily married, but I would suggest not bringing up your ex, unless asked about her.  Show your sense of humor and be spontaneous. 
And...learn to dance, even if it's slow dancing.


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## RadishRose (Jun 25, 2016)

Agree, no talking about the ex.

Don't _*ever *_be cheap.

Sense of humor!

If you don't look so hot anymore, don't expect her to.

Be a good listener.

   Good luck.


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## tnthomas (Jun 25, 2016)

Welcome to the forums gib.   Good luck with the dating, and post divorce life.   Don't carry the "baggage" of your ex into a new relationship.   Easier said than done, I know. :shrug:


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## Guitarist (Jun 25, 2016)

What is tough about it?  Honest question.   I know what can be tough for older women out there, I'm interested in how it is tough for men too.  Maybe knowing what y'all are dealing with might help us, and vice versa.  

I think RadishRose has posted some good feedback. I will just add: you have one great advantage -- you are old enough to know how to be a gentleman!  Some younger men do too, but some don't.


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## Ruthanne (Jun 25, 2016)

I wish you the best of luck with it.  I gave up on it and just have penpals now.  Realized I don't want a relationship now.  

I think you could make a list of the things that interest you in a relationship or the important things and focus on them.  Try to go with the flow.  Show interest in a woman and show her kindness and respect.  Those are the things most women are looking for imo.


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## jujube (Jun 25, 2016)

I went through "dating hell" when I started dating again after my husband died.  Then, thank goodness, I met the right guy and we've been together seven years.   If something happened to him, I don't think I would date again.


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## Phoenix (Jun 28, 2016)

My sister's widower found his two subsequent wives on dating sites.  He's kind of a jerk, so if he can find someone....


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## Shalimar (Jun 28, 2016)

When you become comfortable with each other, be open/emotionally accessible. No, I don't mean spill your guts, tell all your secrets, lol, but be human, don't hide behind a facade of Gary Cooper-like reserve. Most women don't want to be the onLy 

vulnerable one in a relationship. They needed to feel trusted and needed also. Sharing is important. Communication is key for a successful relationship IMHO.


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## Phoenix (Jun 28, 2016)

Very true, Shali, dealing with people who are emotionally unavailable is in many ways a wasted effort.


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## fureverywhere (Jun 28, 2016)

Um for me? A big sense of humor, gender not important. If you look like Levar Burton...or "Big Boo"


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## Victor (Jul 3, 2016)

Women are eager for equality or more  with men except for dating
where the man must pay for everything, gladly, without hesitation. Even if she offers
to pay, she probably wants the man to pay anyway, whether tickets or dinner.
It does not have to be expensive. It could even be free. If a man then expects
something in return for the money, such as an invite into her home, she  may consider him
a jerk, creep or whatever for asking. I know this from reading numerous comments on
other forums. So enjoy yourself, but have low/no expectations.
 I could write a book
on this.

I have been pleasantly surprised many times. For some ladies, money is not a big deal.


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## NancyNGA (Jul 3, 2016)

Victor said:


> Women are eager for equality or more  with men except for dating
> where the man must pay for everything, gladly, without hesitation. Even if she offers
> to pay, she probably wants the man to pay anyway, whether tickets or dinner.
> ....
> I could write a book on this.



I'd like to hear more from this book.   Here is one who would much rather go dutch.   (Is it pc to say dutch?  I'm 1/8 Dutch.)


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## Shalimar (Jul 3, 2016)

Why should someone expect something in return for the money, other than enjoyable evening? If I take a man out for a meal, I don't expect an automatic invite into his home, or even a good night kiss. People are not commodities.


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## NancyNGA (Jul 3, 2016)

Shalimar said:


> Why should someone expect something in return for the money, other than enjoyable evening? If I take a man out for a meal, I don't expect an automatic invite into his home, or even a good night kiss. People are not commodities.



Are you directing this to me?   If so, it's got nothing to do with expecting something in return, it's just economics.  *Way back when *I was young, it just didn't seem fair to me that boys would have to have part time jobs just to take girls out on dates, while the girls didn't.  It was expensive, relative to the times, unless you went to McD's (which I wouldn't have minded at all, btw), but the boys all thought they had to impress for some reason.  Even worse if you had a "steady" date.


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## Redd (Jul 3, 2016)

Don't expect to meet a nice lady in a bar. Go instead to a local pet store where they allow dogs, you will be surprised at the singles there. Or to a library, or volunteer group.


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## Phoenix (Jul 3, 2016)

Victor said:


> Women are eager for equality or more  with men except for dating
> where the man must pay for everything, gladly, without hesitation. Even if she offers
> to pay, she probably wants the man to pay anyway, whether tickets or dinner.
> It does not have to be expensive. It could even be free. If a man then expects
> ...



I do think that most women of our generation still expect a man to pay.  I don't think it's fair.  But that's how it is and I think most guys want sex all the time anyway, so....


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## AprilT (Jul 3, 2016)

Exactly why I prefer to go out to dinner with my girlfriends, not expectations on either side but to enjoy each others company not worrying about paying for or being paid for.  I honestly don't see the point of dating these days anyway; I can get frustrated, slighted, ignored, just chatting on forums.


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## Ruthanne (Jul 3, 2016)

Well, maybe I am different but when I go on a date with a man for the first time I insist on paying for myself.  I do that because in the past many times men have expected something of me for buying me a meal.  I'm not saying all men are that way but it just makes me feel better to pay for myself.  Most of the guys I date usually don't have a lot of money, just like me, any how.  

I see your point April.  If I had some gfs to go out with I would.


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## Shalimar (Jul 3, 2016)

Oops, Nancy, I should have added quotes. I was speaking to Victor, not you.


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## jujube (Jul 3, 2016)

NancyNGA said:


> I'd like to hear more from this book.   Here is one who would much rather go dutch.   (Is it pc to say dutch?  I'm 1/8 Dutch.)



Yeah, as long as you spell dutch with a small "d" - LOL.


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## NancyNGA (Jul 3, 2016)

Redd said:


> Don't expect to meet a nice lady in a bar. Go instead to a local pet store where they allow dogs, you will be surprised at the singles there...



But then she might spend your whole first date talking about her dog.



> Oops, Nancy, I should have added quotes. I was speaking to Victor, not you.


Gotcha, Shalimar.


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## Ruthanne (Jul 3, 2016)

NancyNGA said:


> But then she might spend your whole first date talking about her dog.
> 
> 
> Gotcha, Shalimar.


That is something that I might do!  I love my little Suzy so much and don't care who knows it!!!


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## Brookswood (Aug 1, 2016)

Just be yourself.  If she is a good fit, things will work out. If not, you are both better off fishing in another pond. No harm, no foul.  Just be patient as finding the right person is a lot harder than finding a 'date'. 

I assume that you are, gainfully employed (or retired with a descent income),  bathe regularly, and don't drink to much.


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## Brookswood (Aug 1, 2016)

NancyNGA said:


> But then she might spend your whole first date talking about her dog.



That's why the first date should be something short and inexpensive - unless you want to date her dog.


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## jujube (Aug 1, 2016)

Brookswood said:


> That's why the first date should be something short and inexpensive - unless you want to date her dog.



First dates should always be short, inexpensive AND easily "escapable".   A long fancy dinner can end up with five minutes of "how are you?" and another two hours of "WHEN THE HELL IS THIS GOING TO BE _OVER_?"   I've had first dates that I could tell IN the first two minutes I wanted OUT before any more minutes passed.  

A meeting at a nice coffee shop means no great outlay of money and an easy escape..."Well, that was wonderful coffee...oh, look at the time!"   If things "click", it can segue to a nice walk in the park, dinner or somewhere to listen to music.


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