# OMG. I understand cat.



## fuzzybuddy (Apr 8, 2016)

I've lived with my cat, Fuzzybuddy, for 16 years. Yeah, I'm cat person. While I don't understand it,  I hear there are dog people. But if you've lived with an animal long enough, you DO have conversations with them.

meow.
-No, you,re not going out. It's raining.
mreow
-I just put food in your dish.
mreow
-No, I'm not putting more in the dish.
mreow
- Hey, eat what you got.
meow
-For God's sake, I told you, you weren't going out.


There's a lot more, but there's some guys in white coats, knocking on my door.


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## fureverywhere (Apr 8, 2016)

Oh no darlin' my son laughs at me all the time. "I am going pee ALONE dangnabbit", Okay, you get food, the fish get food, the cat's get food, the plants look a little dry, everyone leave me the **** alone here, waiiit, I want to go in the bathroom by myself...Outtt!, You too...OUT! I see you hiding in the shower". No it doesn't do you any good whining with claws under the door, I mean REALLY...Emmy go the heck upstairs, Oy, that I have to go to Burger King for privacy?


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## Arachne (Apr 8, 2016)

fureverywhere said:


> Oh no darlin' my son laughs at me all the time. "I am going pee ALONE dangnabbit", Okay, you get food, the fish get food, the cat's get food, the plants look a little dry, everyone leave me the **** alone here, waiiit, I want to go in the bathroom by myself...Outtt!, You too...OUT! I see you hiding in the shower". No it doesn't do you any good whining with claws under the door, I mean REALLY...Emmy go the heck upstairs, Oy, that I have to go to Burger King for privacy?


I thought I was the only one who had a cat that has to go to the bathroom when I do lol. Too cute


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## fureverywhere (Apr 8, 2016)

Really, dogs, cats and a human kid...everybody the F upstairs before Mami loses it really...right this minute.


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## Butterfly (Apr 8, 2016)

Bonnie thinks it is very upsetting if I close the bathroom door.  I guess it goes against her newfound sense of indoor doggie freedom or something.


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## Ruth n Jersey (Apr 8, 2016)

One of the cats that I had a few years back always wanted to go in the bathroom with me also. She had 6 toes on both front feet,if I didn't let her in she would stick her big foot under the door and stretch out those big toes and try to paw her way in.Kind of looked like a big furry paddle.


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## Shalimar (Apr 8, 2016)

Both my cats are allergic to closed doors, the bathroom door being the worst. What starts out as mewing and scratching lightly under the door, rapidly devolves into blood curdling shrieks and a concerted effort to dig a huge pit under the door. That will teach me. Of course, if I leave the door open, I am literally a sitting target, available for constant pats.


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 8, 2016)

Awww, I talk to my cat all the time and he talks back to me.  My dog gets an earful too.


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## Guitarist (Apr 8, 2016)

Male cat-person friend, visiting me and my cats a year or so ago, says to me, "I'll be right back, I gotta go to the bathroom."
Walk-walk-walk-walk (it's not far to my bathroom) ... "Oh, hi, sugar, sorry, I'll wait 'til you're done ... I don't think I can ... um ... "
Me (from the kitchen, laughing): "Go on in. She doesn't care. She's not shy."

Another visit, this time me at his place, I go into the bathroom and his cat comes with me.  I shut the door for privacy.  A couple of seconds later the kitty wants out.  "Um, sorry, sweetie, I can't open the door right now ..." (I couldn't even reach it if I had wanted to open it.) So she lies down on the rug and does the roll-on-her-back-pet-me-please wriggle.  When we return to the kitchen together he says, "I wondered where she was."  Me: "We were having a female bonding moment."


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## vickyNightowl (Apr 8, 2016)

fuzzybuddy said:


> I've lived with my cat, Fuzzybuddy, for 16 years. Yeah, I'm cat person. While I don't understand it,  I hear there are dog people. But if you've lived with an animal long enough, you DO have conversations with them.
> 
> meow.
> -No, you,re not going out. It's raining.
> ...





"Meoww, meeEoooww meow? "

Rotflmao


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## SifuPhil (Apr 9, 2016)

Mao always has to follow you when you go to the bathroom. There's just something about cats and closed doors - they DEMAND transparency. 

He freaked my student out the first time he followed him into the bathroom.

"Um ... Sifu ... Mao is in here with me".

"That's okay - just ignore him".

"He's standing up with his paws on the toilet".

"Well, he's male - you don't expect him to sit down, do you?"


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## Shalimar (Apr 9, 2016)

My grey and white cat, Shakira shady boots, periodically suffers from separation anxiety, usually when I have been in bed too long. Although my bedroom door is open, for some reason he dislikes venturing onto my bed. When small meows do not bring 

about the desired result, he starts moaning, mu, mu, muoooooh, muoooooh! In Meowese, this stranslates as, mom, get the ******out of bed, come into the living room where I can ignore you! Unless, of course, I want to lean against you for pats.


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## SifuPhil (Apr 9, 2016)

I don't know ... Mao doesn't have many different meows. The only one that's distinctive is when I open a can of tuna.

Then he goes into some kind of frenzy - Meow!Meow!Meow!Meow! - while he spins in circles. 

... kind of like me with pizza ...


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## Kadee (Apr 9, 2016)

I don't have a cat or dog in fact no pets, not by choice ..We go away for a month I winter and really don't think it would be fair on a pet so we don't have one ...However I have had both and I often wondered what go's through their mind as they sit and watch you pee ,pass wind :rofl: step out of the shower ,yes I even had cats tap on the door as if to say ..how much longer?


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## chic (Apr 9, 2016)

One of my cats would jump onto my lap when I was sitting on the toilet. Now how's that for togetherness albeit at a most inorppotune moment.


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## Redd (Apr 9, 2016)

We do what I call the Wagon Train. Trying to sleep I become the Wagon Train as in the old west and the two cats are the Indians circling round and round and round me with their frequent head bumps and meows when there is no response from the Wagon Train.

Eventually of course the Wagon Train rises.


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## fureverywhere (Apr 9, 2016)

PERFECT!!! That's it in a nutshell. Then when you have multi dogs and cats and small bathrooms it gets even more complicated.

One of my cats would jump onto my lap when I was sitting on the toilet. Now how's that for togetherness albeit at a most inorppotune moment.

Now imagine two cats swatting each other at your feet, battling it out over who gets your lap. Maybe the one hiding in the shower joins in. Meanwhile you hear scratching at the door and the most pitiful whining. I literally sneak to the bathroom sometimes...of course they always find me...it's a Communist plot.


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## Guitarist (Apr 9, 2016)




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## boozercruiser (Apr 9, 2016)

My cat likes to go down to the local record store.






Then she comes home and plays her guitar






While all of her mates boogie on down! 






Then she has a rest on my keyboard! 




nthego:


Beat that layful:


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## Guitarist (Apr 9, 2016)

Always up for a challenge!  --


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## Anglophile (Apr 9, 2016)

My cat turned up here about 15 years ago and he has been great up to now, for alas he has gone funny in the head.   I was not aware that cats go funny in the head like humans and the problem is he is driving me nuts.  Stupid things makes a meowing noise all day and just wants to eat.
Should I shot it?


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## Shalimar (Apr 9, 2016)

Anglo, I hope you are joking? To shoot a cat for being irritating is cruel.


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## Manatee (Apr 9, 2016)

No hablo gato.


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## jujube (Apr 9, 2016)

How to make your bathroom welcoming to your cat:


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## jujube (Apr 9, 2016)

EXCUSE ME......a little privacy, please!


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## jujube (Apr 9, 2016)

How to tell if your cat really tied one on last night:


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## Guitarist (Apr 9, 2016)

Shalimar said:


> Anglo, I hope you are joking? To shoot a cat for being irritating is cruel.



Absolutely. How can anyone love England yet hate a cat?  

My profile pic is my older kitty.  She has senior moments sometimes.  They annoy me.  But I love her.  She eats well, is happy, has great quality of life (or as good as I can give her!).    She and my younger senior kitty are the ones I am living for these days.


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## fureverywhere (Apr 9, 2016)

:love_heart:Guitarist, that video was precious:love_heart:
I realize although I'd give my life for my pups, genetically I will always be a cat person. It's hard to explain. I mean Planet Dog is such foreign territory...even ten years later it can be mystifying. Why at certain times of the day they face certain windows and make blood curdling sounds, while wagging their tails. Why they see the same neighbor day in and day out. But I still have to put Callie in a headlock and drag him away...he doesn't see just a harmless old lady humping groceries? Dogs are weird, I've lived with a cat forever, cats I totally get


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## jujube (Apr 9, 2016)

Fur, here's some dog haiku (please excuse the fact that the lines aren't 5-7-5.....dogs can't count past 4):

Oh, look!  It's the mailman!
He's here to kill us all!
Arf-arf-arf-arf-arf-arf!

Oh, look!  It's the meter reader!
He's here to kill us all!
Arf-arf-arf-arf-arf-arf.

Oh, look!  It's a paper bag!
It's here to kill us all!
Arf-arf-arf-arf-arf-arf!


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## SifuPhil (Apr 9, 2016)

:lol1:


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## SifuPhil (Apr 9, 2016)

And of course the corresponding cat haiku ...

You say you feel bad?
That you'll be dead by winter?
I don't really care.

You're short on money?
You say this month's rent is late?
I don't really care.

You're on the laptop? 
Let me park my butt right here.
I don't really care.


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## fureverywhere (Apr 9, 2016)

Hubby often says it's time to put the cats out on the corner, they can earn their own food.


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## SifuPhil (Apr 9, 2016)

LOL!

Just a coincidence that a cat is playing a violin that has bowstrings that are made of ...

... oh, never mind.


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## Anglophile (Apr 9, 2016)

Shalimar said:


> Anglo, I hope you are joking? To shoot a cat for being irritating is cruel.



Not as cruel as killing me for sure and wrecking my house.  He has been my buddy for 15 years a stray who has had a good life from me.  So if I do not shoot him how about if I drop him down the well

I had a dog when I was a kid, one of those shaggy mongrels. He really was my best mate and more.  My Step-Dad put him in a sack with a brick and dropped him in the river and I went ruddy bonkers.  Then I had a naff childhood anyway.


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## Kadee (Apr 9, 2016)

This may have been posted in past ,anyway here it is again for ALL CAT SERVANTS  

*Rules for Cats Who Have a House to Run
* 
Doors do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws, once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it.
After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things, this is particularly important during very cold weather, rain or mosquito season.

Chairs and Rugs, If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly, If you cannot manage in time, get to an oriental rug, if there is no oriental rug, shag carpet is good. When throwing up on carpet make sure you back up so that is a long as a human’s bare foot.

Bathrooms always accompany guests to the bathroom, it is not necessary to do anything, just sit and stare.

Hampering if one of your humans is engaged in some close activity, and the other is idle stay with the busy one, this is called ‘helping’ otherwise known as “hampering”

Following are the rules for hampering 
1. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of cook, you cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.
2. for book readers get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.


3. For knitting projects or paper work, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important parts, pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles, remember the worker may try to distract you, ignore it.

Remember, the aim is to hamper work; embroidery and needlework make great hammocks in spite of what humans tell you.

4. For people paying bills or working on income taxes or Christmas cards, keep in mind the aim to hamper! First sit on the paper being worked on, when dislodged, watch sadly from the side of table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens pencils and erasers off the table one at a time.

5. When a human is holding the newspaper in front of them be sure to jump on the back of paper, they love to jump.

6.
Walking, as often as possible dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark and when they first get up in the morning, this will help their coordination skills.

7. Bedtime, always sleep on the human so s/he cannot move around.
8. Guests. Check human house guests carefully to detect who might have an allergy the more allergic the houseguest, the closer you should stay. This will shorten the stay of the allergic human house guest and your owner can spend more time with you, as they should have been doing in the first place.

If the human houseguest has bought a guest- pet be as rude as possible, hissing in an audible tone, this will let the guest-pet know s/he has been noticed and is unappreciated.

9. Singing. Always schedule your performances between 2-3 in the morning, so as to have the full attention of everyone in the household.

10. Guilt. Cats have no guilt, Guilt in owners equals treats for kitty, Guilt can be invoked in many ways, such as, giving your owner a pathetic look when he/she returns from work related travel, or after your owner has shouted at you for having practiced an exercise in hampering.

11. Fur, carefully examine and take note of the color of your coat, your goal is to find contrast between your fur and a humans wardrobe, black is especially good as all cat fur go’s well black, If you have dark fur frolic on the light carpet and furniture. This rule also applies to fur balls always deposit a hairball where it will leave a lasting impression. Never leave a hairball on a tiled surface where it is easily cleaned away.


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## fureverywhere (Apr 9, 2016)

11. Fur, carefully examine and take note of the color of your coat, your goal is to find contrast between your fur and a humans wardrobe, black is especially good as all cat fur go’s well black, If you have dark fur frolic on the light carpet and furniture. This rule also applies to fur balls always deposit a hairball where it will leave a lasting impression. Never leave a hairball on a tiled surface where it is easily cleaned away. 

So that's how they do it? We have several tuxedo cats. I always felt they knew how to shoot contrasting fur at will. Now I know.


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## Guitarist (Apr 9, 2016)

jujube said:


> Fur, here's some dog haiku (please excuse the fact that the lines aren't 5-7-5.....dogs can't count past 4):
> 
> Oh, look!  It's the mailman!
> He's here to kill us all!
> ...




LOL I love this!


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 9, 2016)

Kadee46 said:


> This may have been posted in past ,anyway here it is again for ALL CAT SERVANTS
> 
> *Rules for Cats Who Have a House to Run
> *
> ...



:lol:  Thanks for the chuckles Kadee!


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## fureverywhere (Apr 9, 2016)

Oh, look!  It's the mailman!
 He's here to kill us all!
 Arf-arf-arf-arf-arf-arf!

 Oh, look!  It's the meter reader!
 He's here to kill us all!
 Arf-arf-arf-arf-arf-arf.

 Oh, look!  It's a paper bag!
 It's here to kill us all!
 Arf-arf-arf-arf-arf-arf! 

Thank you jujube I missed this...Yes that is Sophie, "Oh look! It's a shadow!
                                                                             It's Here to kill us all!    GRRRBARKBARKBARKGRRRRRBARKBARKKKGRRRR


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## fureverywhere (Apr 9, 2016)

Dogs are weird indeed, like the typical human, cat's know us and know the pups. Yup time we bow to the kits.


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## Guitarist (Apr 9, 2016)

SifuPhil said:


> LOL!
> 
> Just a coincidence that a cat is playing a violin that has bowstrings that are made of ...
> 
> ... oh, never mind.



Where's that ROTFLMAO smiley when I need it?


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## Guitarist (Apr 9, 2016)

Anglophile said:


> Not as cruel as killing me for sure and wrecking my house.  He has been my buddy for 15 years a stray who has had a good life from me.  So if I do not shoot him how about if I drop him down the well
> 
> I had a dog when I was a kid, one of those shaggy mongrels. He really was my best mate and more.  My Step-Dad put him in a sack with a brick and dropped him in the river and I went ruddy bonkers.  Then I had a naff childhood anyway.



That sucks, Anglophile.  ("I'm sorry" seems like such a feeble comment on your childhood.)  

But don't be a Johnny Flynn.


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## Guitarist (Apr 9, 2016)




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## NancyNGA (Apr 9, 2016)

Anglophile said:


> I was not aware that cats go funny in the head like humans and the problem is he is driving me nuts.  Stupid things makes a meowing noise all day and just wants to eat...



Actually I can sympathize with the driving you nuts.  Someone dumped a kitten out at my mom's farm.  She drove my mother crazy even as an outdoor cat for 2 years with the yelling.  So I took her and kept her indoors at my house in town for 2 more years.   She would meow every time I moved a finger, and would have gained 20 pounds if I let her eat all she wanted.  I  tried very hard to teach her but she just wouldn't learn, so I arranged a transfer to another owner.  I do think there was something wrong with her.  Her mentality was always that of a kitten.  Even the meow sounded like a kitten.  :shrug:


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## Anglophile (Apr 10, 2016)

NancyNGA said:


> Actually I can sympathize with the driving you nuts.  Someone dumped a kitten out at my mom's farm.  She drove my mother crazy even as an outdoor cat for 2 years with the yelling.  So I took her and kept her indoors at my house in town for 2 more years.   She would meow every time I moved a finger, and would have gained 20 pounds if I let her eat all she wanted.  I  tried very hard to teach her but she just wouldn't learn, so I arranged a transfer to another owner.  I do think there was something wrong with her.  Her mentality was always that of a kitten.  Even the meow sounded like a kitten.  :shrug:



Yes Nancy that is what I recon, the cats brain has returned to its childhood or should that be kittenhood.  Seems cats can get dementia like humans. Still we will keep it going and pay the vet bills or my funeral, which ever comes first


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## boozercruiser (Apr 10, 2016)

Hey people. 
at 12.00PM London time today in a couple of hours time, I am starting our member Cheshire Cat in The Hot Seat.
I hope you will give her a very nice welcome, and ask her some good questions.
She is a lovely little cat who purrs a lot, and likes to be stroked.
Please treat her nice.

She is rather shy though!


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