# Shop Tools for Men



## SeaBreeze (Dec 13, 2013)

*Drill* *Press*: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

*Wire* *Wheel*: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh @#$%"

*Skill* *Saw*: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

*Pliers*: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

*Belt* *Sander*: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

*Hacksaw*: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija Board principle: it transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

*Vise*-*Grips*: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

*Oxyacetylene* *Torch*: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub from which you want to remove a bearing.

*Table* *Saw*: A large stationary power tool used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

*Hydraulic* *Floor* *Jack*: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

*Band* *Saw*: A large stationary power saw primarily used to turn aluminum sheets into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside.

*Two*-*Ton* *Engine* *Hoist*: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

*Phillips* *Screwdriver*: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids, or for opening old style paper and tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt, but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

*Straight* *Screwdriver*: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws, and butchering your palms.

*Pry* *Bar*: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

*Hose* *Cutter*: A tool used to make hoses too short.

*Hammer*: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object you are trying to hit.

*Utility* *Knife*: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons. Works particularly well on seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes.

*Chainsaw*: A tool used to justify major remodeling of your house, garage, or shed... or the purchase of a 'new' vehicle after dropping a tree across them. Also known to expand the vocabulary of those around you after trying to get it started after leaving 'old gas' in it for several months.

*Breaker* *Bar*: Used to 'skin knuckles' or pinch fingers when you PUSH instead of PULL in using it or the bolt/nut it was being used on breaks or shears off.

*12* *Point* *Socket*: The IQ LEVEL of persons using it to 'break loose' stubborn bolts or nuts. Generally, VERY SUCCESSFUL at 'rounding' off the heads of such fasteners.


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## Pappy (Dec 14, 2013)

Good ones all. And, how very true as I have done a lot of these "tricks." :banghead:


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## rkunsaw (Dec 14, 2013)

I own and use all the above exactly as described. uch:


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## SifuPhil (Dec 14, 2013)

Yep, same here - that's why I donated my tool collection to my worst enemy. I get by with duct tape now, and with that one exception of that one time with the cat it seems to do the job.


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## drifter (Dec 14, 2013)

I've used a few of those at home some of the others at work. Never had a problem with any of the except the pliers. Up until the mid-80s, it was against the law to carry them around in Texas or anything you could cut a barbed wire fence with  that would aid in rustling.


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## Phantom (Dec 15, 2013)

What ........... No hammer ??????


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## That Guy (Dec 15, 2013)




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## SifuPhil (Dec 15, 2013)

"He's such a tool!" - I always took that as a compliment - that you helped build something.

"I'm Plenty O'Toole"
"Named after your father, no doubt"
_~ Diamonds Are Forever_


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## Anne (Dec 15, 2013)

Yeah, I've opened many a paint can with those screwdrivers..........:iagree:


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## Pappy (Dec 15, 2013)

Anne said:


> Yeah, I've opened many a paint can with those screwdrivers..........:iagree:



Me too Anne, then I spend half an hour looking for something to stir the paint with.


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## Phantom (Jun 1, 2014)

Used for lighting your cigarette


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## Meanderer (Jun 1, 2014)

I always thought that mixing orange juice, milk of magnesia and vodka ....makes a Phillip's screwdriver.


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## Meanderer (Jun 11, 2014)

*Ray Stevens - Power Tools*


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## SeaBreeze (Jul 30, 2018)




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## Meanderer (Jul 30, 2018)

Let the chips fall, where they may.......


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## Keesha (Jul 30, 2018)

SeaBreeze said:


> *Drill* *Press*: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
> 
> *Wire* *Wheel*: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh @#$%"
> 
> ...


This is a bit sexist isn’t it? :shrug:
Women use tools also.  ( kidding ) 
Not the part about using tools though.


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## Meanderer (Jul 30, 2018)




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## Meanderer (Aug 1, 2018)




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## SeaBreeze (Aug 1, 2018)

Keesha said:


> This is a bit sexist isn’t it? :shrug:
> Women use tools also.  ( kidding )
> Not the part about using tools though.



  If you think this is sexist Keesha, you better not watch any stand-up comedians for laughs.....not for the "ist" sensitive. :yes:


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## Meanderer (Aug 3, 2018)




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## RadishRose (Aug 3, 2018)




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## Meanderer (Aug 3, 2018)

Homer Simpson's Electrical Hammer (working, made from scratch)


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## Meanderer (Aug 3, 2018)




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## RadishRose (Aug 3, 2018)




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## Pappy (Aug 3, 2018)




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## RadishRose (Aug 3, 2018)

You Know The Drill


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## RadishRose (Aug 3, 2018)




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## Meanderer (Aug 5, 2018)

Magnetic tool belt


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## Meanderer (Aug 5, 2018)

I have this Cartoon, in a frame, hanging next to my tool bench.  It was a "gift" from my Wife, a few years back.....I can relate!


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## Meanderer (Aug 14, 2018)

The 99 best tools for guys!
LED Road Flares......NO they are not hamburgers!


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## Meanderer (Nov 27, 2019)

WillieB said:


> Cool thing! I immediately got an idea of how to try to make something similar. Only one thing bothers  me -- does it clings to metallic surfaces, therefore, blocking the moves?
> 
> By the way, what do you think about metal cutting saws? I recently placed an "Evolution Rage" in a corner of my garage for the backyard renovation sake and I feel absolutely happy with this pretty monster. With the winter arrival now I got another mad idea to try smelting and casting in metal.


Great ideas!  Sounds like you are on the "Cutting Edge", Willie!  Sometimes, theres no tool like a NEW tool!


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## Meanderer (Nov 27, 2019)




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## Camper6 (Nov 27, 2019)

Meanderer said:


>


Believe it or not that's how they cut lumber in the good old days.

There was a pit.  A guy down below in the pit and a guy above working a hand saw.  Sometimes the saw was double bladed to get dimensioned lumber.

Imagine.  They cut enough lumber those days to built cabins.


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## Meanderer (Nov 27, 2019)

Helps cut the work time in half!


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## jerry old (Nov 27, 2019)

Posters:
Really good stuff on this thread!


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## Meanderer (Nov 27, 2019)

i520 Studfinder                    

Sure, you can tap your way across a wall and get some sense of where your home's bones lay. But will you really trust that when it comes time to mount your $2,000 LED flat screen? With the Zircon stud finder, you can make sure your bolts line up smack dab in the center of either metal or wood beams, and it'll even warn you about nearby live electrical wires.

_$50_, Amazon


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## Meanderer (Nov 30, 2019)

_CT-15 Multi-Square 








_


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## Ken N Tx (Nov 30, 2019)




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## Camper6 (Nov 30, 2019)

Meanderer said:


> i520 Studfinder
> 
> Sure, you can tap your way across a wall and get some sense of where your home's bones lay. But will you really trust that when it comes time to mount your $2,000 LED flat screen? With the Zircon stud finder, you can make sure your bolts line up smack dab in the center of either metal or wood beams, and it'll even warn you about nearby live electrical wires.
> 
> _$50_, Amazon


Eh! I'm not sure that will work so hot on steel studs.  What that does is measure the space behind the drywall.   If you want to be really sure when you have metal studs as where the centre is you should get a tiny drill and drill tiny holes until you hit metal and then do the same thing from the other side.  Because to install on a metal stud you have to drill into the stud and you better be right in the middle of the stud.

Wood studs are different.  You can use plastic anchors after drilling so the screws expand the anchor.

I have done all that kind of stuff.  Sometimes there are wooden cross pieces installed between the studs.  Sometimes 16 inch centers.  Sometimes 24 inch centers.


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## Ken N Tx (Nov 30, 2019)




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## Meanderer (Dec 8, 2019)




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## fmdog44 (Dec 8, 2019)

You are only as good as the tools you work with.


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