# No Words



## maplebeez (Feb 5, 2019)

Just returned from my aunt's funeral & was saddened to learn my niece, who auntie always generously remembered at the holidays, on birthdays & other important occasions, never posted a condolence on the funeral home's website.


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## jujube (Feb 5, 2019)

Maybe she still will.  Perhaps she hasn't come up with what she wants to say yet.  It would be sad if she doesn't, though.


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## Ruth n Jersey (Feb 5, 2019)

I so sorry for your loss.Does she know about a funeral home website? I never heard of it until this post. Then again I'm 74 and there is a lot I don't know about the internet. If she does then there is no excuse.


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## gennie (Feb 5, 2019)

Don't be too quick to criticize.  Not everyone is into electronic messages in times of stress.


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## Keesha (Feb 5, 2019)

And not everyone responds accordingly during times of stress


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## maplebeez (Feb 5, 2019)

This Millennial who orders everything online, posts daily on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter & returns phone calls with text messages, is aware funeral homes in this area have websites which offer out-of-town family & friends of the deceased a place to leave condolences.


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## applecruncher (Feb 5, 2019)

maplebeez, did niece attend the funeral? Was she supportive in other ways?

Sorry you're upset about this, but imo not posting an online condolence, in and of itself, isn't really a reason to be angry. tbh I have the feeling you don't like the niece, and maybe you have good reason, but there has to be more to this.

I have a dear aunt I've always been close to and she has been very good to me throughout the years. She will be 90 this year. If something were to happen I would pay my respects in person and be there for her family members, but posting an online condolence would not be a priority (although I might do so).


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## Seeker (Feb 5, 2019)

Sorry for your loss.

Maybe she feels her thoughts are to personal to be public. 

Don't be too harsh on her.


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## C'est Moi (Feb 5, 2019)

gennie said:


> Don't be too quick to criticize.  Not everyone is into electronic messages in times of stress.



Exactly.   Personally, I never post condolences on funeral home websites.   

And sorry for your loss, OP.


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## maplebeez (Feb 6, 2019)

When time & distance make it impossible for someone to attend a funeral, there are other ways to express their sympathy, by sending cards, flowers, making a charitable donation, or posting an online condolence. But I feel not acknowledging a family member's passing is disrespectful. And that's why my niece's choice saddened me. End of story.


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## C'est Moi (Feb 6, 2019)

maplebeez said:


> When time & distance make it impossible for someone to attend a funeral, there are other ways to express their sympathy, by sending cards, flowers, making a charitable donation, or posting an online condolence. But I feel not acknowledging a family member's passing is disrespectful. And that's why my niece's choice saddened me. End of story.



Well, that's slightly different than what you originally posted.   If she didn't acknowledge the passing in ANY way, then that is a shame, but each of us grieves in our own way.  Why not focus on your own grief and let go of judging others?


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## Oldguy (Feb 7, 2019)

I didn't post anything on the funeral home site for either of my parents, my Aunt (she was my god mother), or my childhood best friend.
I did go to my best friend's funeral.  Went to my parents 'memorial' service and my Aunt's.
Of course, the only one that died to me was my best friend...saw him laying in the coffin.  Cried my heart out.
As far as my Mom, Dad, and Aunt...didn't see them so it's like it didn't happen.  Mom must still be out with her good friend out shopping, Dad must be walking up to the 7-Eleven to get his paper, and my Aunt is still in the nursing home.
Not every one is wired the same...I know my folks are gone, but if I don't see it, then never had the closure...it's not real to me, in my heart.
When I got the call about my best friend, I had no issues...made a reservation, flew up...everything's fine.  Wasn't until I saw him that it was real.


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## Linda (Feb 8, 2019)

I wouldn't dream of writing a condolence on a funeral home's website.  There are plenty of other ways to respond to the death of a loved one.  Does everything have to be on social media?


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## Gary O' (Feb 8, 2019)

maplebeez said:


> Just returned from my aunt's funeral & was saddened to learn my niece, who auntie always generously remembered at the holidays, on birthdays & other important occasions, never posted a condolence on the funeral home's website.



That’s truly incredible



That you have the ability to have ‘just returned’ from a funeral, grieving over a departed loved one, 
yet have the capacity to keep astute track of whoever did or didn’t do whatever on whichever website

And have the wherewithal to post your finding on a website 


My condolences 


…to the niece


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## applecruncher (Feb 8, 2019)

Good assessment, Gary.


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## Butterfly (Feb 8, 2019)

Gary O' said:


> That’s truly incredible
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Indeed!  "Scorekeeping" at its finest.


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## OneEyedDiva (Mar 23, 2019)

Sorry for your loss. A lot of people would not post condolences on a website. I've started to do it a few times then decided not to. If it's someone close to me, I've already given my condolences to family member(s) who need it in person. Or if they are at a distance, I send a card which I think is much more intimate than posting on a website.


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