# Letting children win games



## debodun (Jul 23, 2016)

Is that a good idea or not? I feel after a certain age, maybe around 6, they should start to feel what loosing is like. Use it as a teaching experience. Better to deal with it in private than to have a tantrum in public.


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## Eric (Jul 23, 2016)

I don't ever remember being let to win maybe it happened buy I was too young to remember  In my family you had to be able to win to win so if you got tired of losing you just saw to it that you got better it worked.  I think you're right debodun 5 and under maybe they can be let to win.


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## fureverywhere (Jul 23, 2016)

It depends on the age and the individual child. But I agree after about six they need to learn to lose gracefully as well as win. Two of my kids went over the top with game playing at an early age. My oldest son has always been intellectually gifted. Never mind " letting him win". At five he was whipping the pants off anyone in video and strategy games. "Battleship" and "Zelda" especially...he was amazing. The oldest daughter on the other paw was a terrible loser. She would toss the board the minute she thought she was losing.


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## debodun (Jul 23, 2016)

fureverywhere said:


> The oldest daughter on the other paw was a terrible loser. She would toss the board the minute she thought she was losing.



I had a cousin like that who lived with us a few years after my uncle was divorced. If we played a game and he started losing, he's accuse everyone of cheating, or exclaim that rules weren't fair.


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## Lon (Jul 23, 2016)

Age should not matter.


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## Carla (Jul 23, 2016)

I do think age matters, letting them win one when they're young (5 or below)  shouldn't hurt them. I still play board games with my eight year old granddaughter and since around age 5, I do not "let" her win. She now can beat me at checkers! She is quick to learn--only took a few games. She is quite good at cards, loves to play crazy eights. Now I say, is it OK to let Mom-mom win one once in a while?


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## Fern (Jul 23, 2016)

debodun said:


> I had a cousin like that who lived with us a few years after my uncle was divorced. If we played a game and he started losing, he's accuse everyone of cheating, or exclaim that rules weren't fair.


My grand daughters were like that even altering the rules to suit themselves, but  their rules didn't apply to anyone else. It got to a stage where I refused to play with them.


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## Ruth n Jersey (Jul 23, 2016)

This situation came up this past weekend. My Grandson just turned five. He received a couple of board games for his birthday that I played with him. He understood how to play the game but just kept losing. He didn't get mad but was beginning to get a bit frustrated. I backed off a bit so he could win once in awhile so he wouldn't lose interest. Eventually he won on his own and really was enjoying the game and played for quite sometime with his brother who is eight.


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## NancyNGA (Jul 24, 2016)

All I know about is my own childhood.  My parents must have never let me win (or else I was just too stupid for them to ever arrange it), because I don't remember it, if I did.

In fact, my father would laugh and gloat when he beat me at card or board games.  Probably preparing me to deal with the real world.layful:

So I have a tendency to lean toward the side of not letting children win.  Maybe once a year.


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## Don M. (Jul 24, 2016)

Letting kids win all the time is NOT doing them any favors.  It gives them a False sense of accomplishment, and doesn't prepare them for the many disappointments they will face in life.  We have a greatgranddaughter who has been competing in gymnastics, via a program her parents enrolled her in.  We have attended several of the competitions, and virtually Every one of these kids is given a batch of trophies and badges at the end of the day.  Some of them make some pretty impressive moves, while others are just "present".  I think these young minds would be better prepared for future reality, if only the top performers received a trophy.  Learning how to handle disappointment and being able to move on, is something that serves a person well in the real world....and the sooner these youngsters are exposed to that scenario, the better their chances in the future.


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## jujube (Jul 24, 2016)

A child is not going to win a footrace against an adult or throw a ball as far.  The secret is "handicapping".  Let the child take a head start, or stand a little closer to the goal, throw the dice twice instead of once.   The child gets a little advantage....sometime he wins, sometime he loses, but the field is more even.  You don't have to "throw the game", just adjust the odds to the child's age and ability.  It's like horseracing; the jockeys have to weight the same.  The lighter ones have to wear weights; otherwise there would be an unfair advantage.  In life, the adult could be said to have an unfair advantage.


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## Butterfly (Jul 25, 2016)

Don M. said:


> Letting kids win all the time is NOT doing them any favors.  It gives them a False sense of accomplishment, and doesn't prepare them for the many disappointments they will face in life.  We have a greatgranddaughter who has been competing in gymnastics, via a program her parents enrolled her in.  We have attended several of the competitions, and virtually Every one of these kids is given a batch of trophies and badges at the end of the day.  Some of them make some pretty impressive moves, while others are just "present".  I think these young minds would be better prepared for future reality, if only the top performers received a trophy.  Learning how to handle disappointment and being able to move on, is something that serves a person well in the real world....and the sooner these youngsters are exposed to that scenario, the better their chances in the future.



I totally agree.  The "everybody gets a trophy" thing is just wrong -- real life sure doesn't work that way.


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## Debby (Aug 10, 2016)

Ruth n Jersey said:


> This situation came up this past weekend. My Grandson just turned five. He received a couple of board games for his birthday that I played with him. He understood how to play the game but just kept losing. He didn't get mad but was beginning to get a bit frustrated. I backed off a bit so he could win once in awhile so he wouldn't lose interest. Eventually he won on his own and really was enjoying the game and played for quite sometime with his brother who is eight.




What a good Grandma you are Ruth and I think you did exactly the right thing.  When my girls were little, I let them win all the time and then when they got to about six and could understand the game, then they started having to do it on their own.  Seeing the delight on their little faces when they 'won' was my fun!  My husband was just the opposite and the kids never wanted to play games with him as a result so they all missed out on a growing, learning experience together.  Besides, where is the glory for an adult who insists on winning a game with a four year old?


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## Carla (Aug 11, 2016)

Ruth n Jersey said:


> This situation came up this past weekend. My Grandson just turned five. He received a couple of board games for his birthday that I played with him. He understood how to play the game but just kept losing. He didn't get mad but was beginning to get a bit frustrated. I backed off a bit so he could win once in awhile so he wouldn't lose interest. Eventually he won on his own and really was enjoying the game and played for quite sometime with his brother who is eight.



Yes, Ruth, that is the same thing I did because it also helps build up their confidence. I do stick to rules though, and I never with any of them, had them quit or cheat. Games like Candyland require little skill and just plain luck so I think that's a good one to start with.


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