# Did you ever have to tell an admirer to beat it?



## Stormy (Feb 20, 2018)

My ex who is a really nice guy that I lived with for some time was making me laugh today. He has a neighbor lady who is always flirting with him and making excuses to ring his door bell just to talk to him. Once she starts going he can't stop her and it's driving him crazy. He's too polite to tell her to beat it. I know the lady he's talking about because I saw her a couple of times when I visited him with friends. She's a widow and dresses seductively but she's not his type at all she's too loud and outspoken and is a might pushy.  I told him he just had to be serious with her and tell her that he's not interested and not to come around him anymore.

I've had some men in my past who were hard to shake too either from work or the fitness center. They take small chit chat and think it's an invitation for a date or a romance. I can always stop it before it gets too far even if I have to be blunt about it. Did you ever have somebody who stalked you by your house or even online and wouldn't give up trying to win you over? How did you handle it?


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## applecruncher (Feb 20, 2018)

> I told him he just had to be serious with her and tell her that he's not interested and not to come around him anymore.​



This. Stop answering the door when she comes.  If he runs into her, walk away in middle of her sentence. Don't engage the crazy.

He's creating his own problem by being too polite.  She sounds like a nut, but HE is contributing to the problem.  He can either get tough or put up with it.

I had a serious stalker problem for years.  I had to document incidences and got the police involved.  He was paid a visit.


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## Stormy (Feb 20, 2018)

You're right Apple if he wasn't so polite and afraid of hurting her feelings he could walk away from her mid sentence. Maybe if he gets fed up enough lol. You're smart to document your stalker and report him and I'm glad he didn't hurt you


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## Traveler (Feb 20, 2018)

Stormy, your ex sounds like a polite guy. He is smack in the middle of a damned if he does and damned if he dosen't situation. 
If he tells her, straight out, that he is not , then....
Well, you know what they say. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned".


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## Shalimar (Feb 20, 2018)

A few years ago, I had some trouble with a client, he became obsessive, ultimately, a threatening stalker type. Nothing I said got through to him. Fortunately, an unofficial visit from a very large RCMP officer who was a friend of mine, did the trick. In this case, “hell hath no fury like a man scorned.”


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## Stormy (Feb 20, 2018)

Traveler said:


> Stormy, your ex sounds like a polite guy. He is smack in the middle of a damned if he does and damned if he dosen't situation.
> If he tells her, straight out, that he is not , then....
> Well, you know what they say. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned".


He is Traveler. She does seem to be a little crazy like Apple said. I'll encourage him to put a stop to it so it doesn't affect his life or mood anymore that it already has, poor guy. If she gives him too much trouble and doesn't back off I'll have to have a little woman to woman with her and set her straight myself I can be very convincing. But it's better if he does it and I stay out of it


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## Stormy (Feb 20, 2018)

Shalimar said:


> A few years ago, I had some trouble with a client, he became obsessive, ultimately, a threatening stalker type. Nothing I said got through to him. Fortunately, an unofficial visit from a very large RCMP officer who was a friend of mine, did the trick. In this case, “hell hath no fury like a man scorned.”


Good that you had him talked to and it stopped


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## Camper6 (Feb 20, 2018)

Gee . Send her here.  I could listen to someone talk forever instead of watching television.

Why does all the good stuff happen to someone else.?  Life is not fair.


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## Linda (Feb 20, 2018)

That's one problem I've never had at anytime in my life.


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## Aunt Bea (Feb 21, 2018)

Linda said:


> That's one problem I've never had at anytime in my life.



Same here, LOL!!!

Maybe he should lie and tell her he's gay!


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## Shalimar (Feb 21, 2018)

Stormy said:


> Good that you had him talked to and it stopped


Yes, often these people become unmanageable. I was fortunate.


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## Mizzkitt (Feb 21, 2018)

Once had a boyfriend who sat outside my house after the breakup playing loud music. The neighbors called the police several times. Then he started showing up outside my office building where I had to open and he would threaten by saying things like "I put acid on the door handle" Eventually a restraining order which he broke and was jailed.


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## Shalimar (Feb 21, 2018)

Mizzkitt said:


> Once had a boyfriend who sat outside my house after the breakup playing loud music. The neighbors called the police several times. Then he started showing up outside my office building where I had to open and he would threaten by saying things like "I put acid on the door handle" Eventually a restraining order which he broke and was jailed.


How frightening that must have been. Sad that things like that happen.


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## Camper6 (Feb 21, 2018)

Mizzkitt said:


> Once had a boyfriend who sat outside my house after the breakup playing loud music. The neighbors called the police several times. Then he started showing up outside my office building where I had to open and he would threaten by saying things like "I put acid on the door handle" Eventually a restraining order which he broke and was jailed.



Wow! How did you ever hook up with a guy like that?


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## Mizzkitt (Feb 21, 2018)

Camper, I did not really hook up with him, he seemed nice, we were friends within a group,  but two one on one dates later something showed that all was not right.


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## applecruncher (Feb 21, 2018)

Stormy said:


> He is Traveler. She does seem to be a little crazy like Apple said. I'll encourage him to put a stop to it so it doesn't affect his life or mood anymore that it already has, poor guy. If she gives him too much trouble and doesn't back off I'll have to have a little woman to woman with her and set her straight myself I can be very convincing. But it's better if he does it and I stay out of it



It's not your place to set her straight. It's not your problem or your business. No ifs, ands, or buts.​
Poor guy?? HE has contributed to his own problem.  It's up to HIM to be an adult and handle it.


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## 911 (Feb 21, 2018)

About 4 years after I became a Trooper and patrolled just outside of Pittsburgh, I would go through a small town and stop in a small convenience store every evening for coffee. There was a young lady about 30 years old that would cater to me. She never wanted to charge me for my coffee and always tried to push a “free” donut off onto me. It did make me feel special. 

I later found out that the little convenience store’s policy was to give free coffee to all police officers, so that kind of made me feel embarrassed thinking that maybe she was taking a liking to me. I think the donuts cost 30 cents, but I never ate them. She was actually bi-racial and I was still single. She invited me to have dinner with her at her place one evening and I accepted. She was a very nice person and we enjoyed each other’s company the few times that we went out. 

Two months later, I was transferred to the Erie area and we lost contact with one another. I was actually finding myself falling for her. She told me that she thought that I asked for the transfer to get away from her, but nothing was further from the truth, but I couldn’t convince her of that, so we drifted apart.


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 21, 2018)

I've had some over the years who were interested in getting to know me better and a little overzealous.  But, I never had a stalker or anyone who didn't get the message once I told them I wasn't interested and to leave me alone.  In your friend's case Stormy, I agree with AC, he may be nice but he shouldn't let a woman like that bully him in any way, and that's basically what she's doing.

  He should tell her to leave him alone, and _mean _it.  What's the worse that will happen, she'll be ticked off at him for not taking the bait?  He'll be the winner and be rid of her once and for all.  Good luck, he's fortunate to have a friend like you.


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## Gary O' (Feb 21, 2018)

this thread reminds me of a poster I once made


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## AZ Jim (Feb 21, 2018)

When I was younger and single someone used to put little messages to me in my mail slot.  They were never signed except lipstick kiss print.  I don't remember much about those messages after all these years except one that was cute enough that I did remember it.  "Jim, Our eyes have met, our lips not yet but you just wait, I'll get you yet"!  To this day I have no idea who it was.  Kinda like a phantom stalker I guess you could say...


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## Jandante (Feb 21, 2018)

Always started talking about my husband or children when people at office etc were getting personal.
What's wrong with saying "Gotta go" and rushing off when he sees her.  If he stops and listens /chats most people would think the other person is interested.


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## Ruthanne (Feb 22, 2018)

There was a man very interested in me from the POF site.  I gave him my cell number and talked to him once and decided he wasn't for me.  He kept making ****** remarks and that is a big turn off to me.  I just started saying I was busy when he contacted me and then finally told him I had company.  That seemed to get through.


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## jujube (Feb 25, 2018)

Back when I started dating again, there were a couple of guys I met who were looking for a nurse, or a purse, or a nurse WITH a purse and were pretty insistent.  I had to block their numbers to stop them from calling.


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## fmdog44 (Feb 25, 2018)

Simply explain she is doing it to satisfy her while it is not satisfying to him. He needs to look here dead in the eyes and tell her she will never be part of life and she makes him dislike her more every time she forces her way on him. Be firm, very firm even if it takes threatening to call the police to get her off his back.


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## Stormy (Feb 25, 2018)

Camper6 said:


> Gee . Send her here.  I could listen to someone talk forever instead of watching television.
> 
> Why does all the good stuff happen to someone else.?  Life is not fair.



You're a funny guy Camper but be careful what you wish for.:laugh: He finally told her to leave him alone and I think she took the hint. She rushed him when he went to his mailbox with her cups running over if you know what I mean and he stopped her immediately and said he was warning her to leave him alone and not to come on his property again. She left in a huff but he said it worked. She doesn't look over at him or attempt to even make eye contact. Thanks to everyone for your ideas on this


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## Kadee (Feb 25, 2018)

My daughter had problems with a man about 12 months ago ,she met him through her ( former ) next door neighbour,whom he was best mates with ..

She didn’t live with him but he would turn up day and night and become violent towards her to the extent she had to take out a restraining order against him ...which of course didnt work she was still being bothered by him as late as two weeks ago .

Then she phoned me a few days ago and said ..watch the news ....”Meggs” has been murdered by his his best mate ( my daughters former next door neighbour ) while on a camping trip about 3 hours from Adelaide where my daughter lives. 

.


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## James (Feb 25, 2018)

Between marriages while I was dating my current wife I ran into an old High School acquaintance. We were never involved and as far as I was concerned there was no chemistry.  Shortly after that she began calling (got my number from a friend of mine)  This was back before cell phones or call display.  

Calls started increasing from every few days to every couple of days to daily.  My wife (girlfriend at the time) was aware of the calls and was there for some.  

She was also becoming more flirtatious and personal.  I shared this with my girlfriend as I was feeling kind of flattered.  She became quite peeved.

My girlfriend occasionally stayed over and had a key to my place.  A few days later I noticed that the calls had suddenly stopped.  I mentioned to my girlfriend that she must've found another boyfriend.  That's when she turned and looked at me and said, "yeah, I don't think you'll be hearing from her anymore".  She never elaborated until a couple of weeks later when she told me she had answered the phone when I was at work and that she had a "discussion" with her.  That was it. 

 Still to this day she hasn't given me any more details on the discussion and I'm probably better off not knowing to much anyway.


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## applecruncher (Feb 25, 2018)

Stormy said:


> You're a funny guy Camper but be careful what you wish for.:laugh: He finally told her to leave him alone and I think she took the hint. She rushed him when he went to his mailbox with her cups running over if you know what I mean and he stopped her immediately and said he was warning her to leave him alone and not to come on his property again. She left in a huff but he said it worked. She doesn't look over at him or attempt to even make eye contact. Thanks to everyone for your ideas on this



:clap:

Ya can't be nice/polite to people like this, and one must be careful about accepting their overtures. _They must be firmly shut down._

Aside from romantic/admirer situations.....I had a neighbor who became a pest.  From the getgo I had a feeling in my gut she was trouble. I didn't want her friendship; wanted nothing to do with her. After several incidences with neighbors she and her clan finally moved away.


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