# It's a new year! Declutter your life!



## 123Testing (Jan 11, 2015)

I certainly mean no disrespect here, so please don't slam me, if this rings too close to home. I was an only child. Dad died young. Mother hooks up with Step-dad. 

My Mother was a shopaholic, pack rat, hoarder. Even Step-dad got on her case often enough. Long story short.... she falls, breaks her hip, has emergency hip surgery and she never came out of the surgery 'in her right mind'. It was, as if... she got SEVERE dementia overnight! Sparing many details.... I ended up moving her in with me. I was her 24/7 caregiver until the very end (4yrs). 

Now... when I say... 'step-dad'.... not really. They were never married, but together 35yrs. Common Law not recognized in that state, and he was NOT a good person. When I moved her out of his farm.... it took several UHAUL semi's to move 'her stuff' out of there. I was furious about this. I'm an ONLY child. I have no brothers or sisters to help me. I'm on my own, with this disaster.

That was 2004. I spent the next 6 yrs of sort, sift, pitch, purge of trash! Utility/bank/insurance statements from 1955! Grocery receipts and other jibberish since 1980's. A 10 gallon rubbermaid bin of jewelry, most still had the price tags on (she was quite the fashion deva). A 20 gallon bin of busted Xmas ornaments, that could be glued back together again. Then I dealt with 3 different Auction places. Ebay, craigslist, garage sales, and the local Salvation Army donations.

I was sooooo furious about getting stuck with such an overwhelming disaster. And yet... what did I inherit from all this, when it was done and over? $20,000 which is NOT enough to justify 6 yrs of my life.

Because of this experience... I PROMISED my 4 sons I would NEVER do this to them! and I've done a fairly decent job of keeping that promise. I downsized my belongings a lot! Sold the house. Purchased a Mobile Home. Went from 1300sqft main level, plus 1000 sq ft basement with 2 stall garage.... to a 14x70 Mobile Home.

After 3 yrs of living this downsized life... I'm still downsizing. Just last week, I decided I don't really need that 12 place kitchen table set. If and when the family does come... that's what paper plates are for. I donated 2 shelves of books to the local library.

Guess what I'm trying to say..... if you really do have 2 snowblowers, and 3 lawn mowers sitting in the garage, and they don't work, or you are hoping to *fix* them someday.... please be respectful of your kids....  take care of your business while you are still alive.

It's really not fair to dump your overwhelming problems onto them. They will resent you for it. "Clean up your own problems, so they don't have to".

Sorry if I offended anybody here.

EDIT: I just believe it's one of the last RESPECTFUL things you can do. It's an absolute exercise in 'needs' vs 'wants'.


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## Son_of_Perdition (Jan 11, 2015)

I have sympathy for you, my mother was a hoarder, (collector).  My older sister also has a problem, she has 3 storage bays full of stuff.  My daughter is beyond hope, my wife refuses to help her clean her house anymore.  My son collects and stores autos (has 8), tools, any man thing, burnt a shed down when he stored his cleaning rags in a bucket.  I was estranged from my mother before she passed, I wasn't mentioned on her obit, ok by me I didn't have to de-clutter her house and sheds, others were more concerned.  I have OCD tendency and refuse to allow junk lay around.  My wife has never had to remove old food from our refrigerator in 45 years, she does wash it when I get through.  When I retired we had our son and SILs show up with their trailers before we moved and I said this is your inheritance choose well.  Being OCD I can't sit in clutter without anxiety taking over.


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## Josiah (Jan 11, 2015)

Hi 123, I know you are treading lightly as a newbie, but don't feel you have to apologize for anything. We're all grownups here and are not easily offended.
I hear you about divesting. My wife left a colossal mess as she descended into dementia and I was a little nervous about pitching things out at first but after trying make sense of her papers I just threw everything out and that was over a year ago and nothings come back to haunt me. She did inherit a great many valuable antiques and later this year I'm going to take everything to an auction house and wait for them to mail the check. I've put a lot of energy into putting my affairs in order so that my sons will  not have to deal with a lot of my loose ends. I hope to sell my house by the end of the year and I hope to leave with no more residue of my past life than will fit in the back of a large SUV.
BTW 123testing doesn't have a very personal ring to it. You might consider adding a first name to your profile.


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## SeaBreeze (Jan 11, 2015)

I've seen some of the hoarder shows on TV, those people can't even walk through their rooms, there's barely a path for them to step on!  We had my in-laws stuff to go through after they passed, since they both moved into our home with us.  They didn't have that much stuff though, just a normal amount.  The clothing and some other stuff I gave to goodwill.  My husband and I don't have any kids, and our house isn't too cluttered with stuff, so I guess we're good to go (pun intended).


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## SeaBreeze (Jan 11, 2015)




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## ClassicRockr (Jan 12, 2015)

My was a "Pack Rat" when I met her. She had a 10' x 10' storage unit full, and I do mean FULL, of stuff from the house her ex and her had. She'd been paying the monthly storage unit fee on it for some 3 or 4 years and never going over to it. About 6 months after we'd met, and were then Engaged, she took me over to see it. I could barely open the roll-up door due to stuff sitting right next to the door. Finally got it up and was amazed and SHOCKED at how much stuff was in the unit. It took a few weeks, but we re-boxed a number of things and took some stuff to the Good Will. 

Anyway, to make a somewhat long story short, after we moved to Colorado and bought a house, we had the stuff in that storage unit shipped to us. Within 4 years, we had a few garage sales and took some things to the Good Will there. Before selling our house, we sold some furniture on Craigslist. After moving to NC, I repacked a number of boxes and we gave more things to the Good Will and the Salvation Army as well.

There were times that my wife would say "no" to me about getting rid of something, but would end up changing her mind after I talked more to her about keeping "unneeded" stuff. She told me "I trust that you will know what I really want to keep, so as for the other stuff, don't ask me, just take the stuff to the Good Will or Salvation Army. I did just that. 

We still have some stuff, but nothing like what she had when I met her. I do save some things, but not anywhere like she was, so that helped a lot. Since, when I met her, I was renting a furnished room in a condo w/kitchen privileges, I had no furniture or pots-pans..........basically, just clothes.


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## Josiah (Jan 12, 2015)

Good for you Rockr, tough love pays off in the end.


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## oakapple (Jan 12, 2015)

It's one thing to be a hoarder though and another to have things that you enjoy seeing around the house, isn't it?I love all my 'things' and as I hope to live awhile yet I certainly wouldn't get rid of them.


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## Kitties (Jan 17, 2015)

After my mother died and my stepfather moved closer to me, we took several car loads (probably 6-7) of stuff to our great PAWS thrift. My mother called herself a pack rat which I think she was more of. Both closets of the extra bedrooms were full of boxes. At least the things went to benefit animals.

You were left with a huge burden. I would have been upset too. You had every right to be mad.

In the end it's just stuff. I like stuff and I'm a thrift shopper. I edit so much of what I buy. I buy very little now. I still enjoy looking though. When I buy a mobile in a park, if my plans work out, I'll probably take some things over to PAWS once I'm settled.


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## Ramblin Rose (Jan 18, 2015)

Hi 123, went through what you went through myself. Found one uncashed cheque for over $3,000.00 

Hoarding is an illness and it is only recently recognized as such. Nowadays treatment is there if the person wants it.

It's amazing the good feeling you have after downsizing. If you have not used it in a year, pitch it.


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## flowerchild (Jan 19, 2015)

Hoarding is an illness. Nasty one.
I'm new here, but I do think need to declutter out of all our life saved things. They only mean something to the person collecting. the kids have a different opinion of what good and not so good in your household. I'm facing this myself right now. I am still working and able to keep my home, soon I 'll need to get rid of all this stuff.
My mom fell ill and was ill for 5 years before she passed. She did her best to give things away as I was pressuring her to do so. Since I was her executor of her will I didn't want the last say as who got what in my family. She did a good at clear most of it out. When she passed, I then had her house to get rid or, what a mess that was. She bought it land contract and didn't have the deed. Took over a year to straighten that out and get it a condition to sell it.
Can't say my father did good with his things. Enough said about that. Glad I washed my hands of that one.
My hubs is facing the passing of his mother now. We keep trying to get her to get rid of stuff. Little by little it goes somewhere. My hubs doesn't know what to do with all her things. He'll be facing a lot of work once she passes. Good Will works for me. I certainly don't need any more stuff.
I made this suggestion to both moms a long time ago. Tag things with names somewhere so the executor knows who to give it to. Or make a list, or just give it away before you go. Make a list and see a lawyer, spell out exactly how you want things divided up amongst your children. A lot less hard feelings there between family members.


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## Vivjen (Jan 19, 2015)

My grandmother asked everybody in turn, of age; to pick their favourite object; she embroidered; made pewter and enamel objects; chair and stool covers, etc etc.
the grandchildren got a choice too; and eventually the great-grandchildren; there was a lot!
so when she moved into a home, we all got our favourites, and when she died, the best bits went out too; no arguing at all.
i still have all mine...


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## LogicsHere (Jan 19, 2015)

I have been looking after my mother who is 94 and also has dementia for the past 4 years.  She too lost a part of her memory after a surgery most probably the result of the anaesthesia. As far as clean-up later, I have no real problem. Most of her things we got rid of when she moved up to NJ for a year to be with my sister, shortly before our dad passed. I now share her studio apartment (all my stuff is still in my co-op apartment which is on the street at the bottom of the hill from where she lives) with her because she is no longer capable of living on her own and clean up will be pretty much a breeze as she has so few things left.  I'm the one with the clutter. I started going through it up until about 2 years ago when I "moved in" to be with my mom. My decluttering will have to take place after she is called back home.


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