# My 60-year-old niece had a massive heart attack which caused a stroke.



## Phoenix (Dec 18, 2020)

It happened on December 5th while she, her husband, daughter, son-in-law and two grandchildren, 18 & 20, were driving to the coast. She is very obese, severely diabetic, drinks too much and abuses sugar. She is paranoid and believes what her paranoia tells her. She hasn't let me close for a long time, even though I tried, especially after my sister- her mother died 15 years ago. I found out about the stroke from her brother. I talked to her daughter, but she was super stressed. She didn't want to talk to me much at the time. Bottomline is her heart was functioning at 15 percent, and she had two blood clots on her brain. Her brain was swelling and they had to get the pressure down or she would die. I remember when she was born and was such a cute smart little girl. I'm waiting to hear. I really don't think she's going to make it. It's brought up all kinds of issues and activated some PTSD from other family tragedies and how people behaved at that time. I've decided to let them contact me, since I've offered my support repeatedly. It reinforced the idea that I really have no family. It sucks.


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## jujube (Dec 18, 2020)

There's only so much you can do for some people, Phoenix.  I'm sorry you're stressed out but I sure know how family can do that.....


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## Phoenix (Dec 18, 2020)

jujube said:


> There's only so much you can do for some people, Phoenix.  I'm sorry you're stressed out but I sure know how family can do that.....


Thank you for your support.


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## Tish (Dec 18, 2020)

@Phoenix I am so sorry, I think you made the right decision in letting them contact you.


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## Repondering (Dec 18, 2020)

I'm sorry it seems to you that you have no family.  That sucks alright, I know.
Your niece seems almost self destructive and I agree with the others, you've done what you can.
It's a sad situation for everyone, and in the Christmas season too.....


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## MickaC (Dec 18, 2020)

@Phoenix  So saddened by what you're going through.
Her life has turned to a devastating happening.
I so wish she is able to get through this.
But.......
As your thought is sadly she may not.
You are doing the right thing, as hard as it must be.
Waiting may be your best choice.
Stay strong.


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## Pecos (Dec 18, 2020)

I am so sorry for you and the situation you are facing. Viable choices are not available to you until your family members wake up, which they may never do. 
In the meantime you are left feeling very lonely and that really does suck.


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## Aneeda72 (Dec 18, 2020)

Repondering said:


> I'm sorry it seems to you that you have no family.  That sucks alright, I know.
> Your niece seems almost self destructive and I agree with the others, you've done what you can.
> It's a sad situation for everyone, and in the Christmas season too.....


I am so sorry that you feel you have no family.  I am so sorry for your niece, and the others who were in the car with her.  It’s an awful situation for everyone.  60 years old is young these days.

I don’t think you niece is self-destructive.  We all have our demons, and without knowing what those demons are, no one can assume someone else is self destructive.  I am obese, (not severely), I am diabetic, (poor control), and I am not sure what you mean by abuses sugar.  But she probably has a problem with both carbs and sugar.

I don’t drink, have never drank.  I am not self-destructive.  I don’t think your niece is self-destructive.  I don’t know her, so just my opinion, but her mental illness seems to indicate something might have happened to cause the food issues.

Cars rides are stroke machines for older folk, even without her medical issues, unless seniors stop every 15 minutes out of every hour, get out of the car, and walk.  Again, I am so sorry.


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## peramangkelder (Dec 18, 2020)

@Phoenix I am sorry to read about your niece but you know she is probably doing the best she can with her health problems


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## Kathleen’s Place (Dec 18, 2020)

Phoenix, so sorry to hear about your niece. Such a sad situation for everyone. I will say a prayer for her, as well as you


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## Autumn (Dec 18, 2020)

@Phoenix I'm sorry that you're going through such a stressful time.  You've done everything you can to reach out and offer support to your niece, but what's equally important right now is taking care of yourself.  Sometimes when we're under a lot of stress, we neglect the basics, eating right, getting enough rest, finding ways to distract ourselves from the constant worry.  Please take care of yourself.  You deserve it.


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## hollydolly (Dec 19, 2020)

I'm so sorry for your Niece and her family too Phoenix .. very sad... and for you as well, it's a horrible feeling when you feel you have no family any longer, whether by nurture or design. I can sense your deeply hurt about this... ((hug))


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## Lee (Dec 19, 2020)

Phoenix, sorry to hear about this difficult situation. If she recovers I hope it is a wake up call to begin a healthier approach in daily life.


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## Phoenix (Dec 19, 2020)

Tish said:


> @Phoenix I am so sorry, I think you made the right decision in letting them contact you.


Thank you. 


Repondering said:


> I'm sorry it seems to you that you have no family.  That sucks alright, I know.
> Your niece seems almost self destructive and I agree with the others, you've done what you can.
> It's a sad situation for everyone, and in the Christmas season too.....


Thank you.  She is self-destructive.  


MickaC said:


> @Phoenix  So saddened by what you're going through.
> Her life has turned to a devastating happening.
> I so wish she is able to get through this.
> But.......
> ...


Thank you.  There's nothing to do but wait. 


Pecos said:


> I am so sorry for you and the situation you are facing. Viable choices are not available to you until your family members wake up, which they may never do.
> In the meantime you are left feeling very lonely and that really does suck.


Thank you.  I really don't think they will wake up.  They've had other opportunities.



Aneeda72 said:


> I am so sorry that you feel you have no family.  I am so sorry for your niece, and the others who were in the car with her.  It’s an awful situation for everyone.  60 years old is young these days.
> 
> I don’t think you niece is self-destructive.  We all have our demons, and without knowing what those demons are, no one can assume someone else is self destructive.  I am obese, (not severely), I am diabetic, (poor control), and I am not sure what you mean by abuses sugar.  But she probably has a problem with both carbs and sugar.
> 
> ...


My niece gave up on herself years ago.  Her mental illness at this point is caused by her blood sugar which is out of control.  She has been on medication.  I don't know if she took it regularly or not.  What I mean by abuses sugar is that she eats high sugar content foods.  She consumes mountain of them, her daughter told me.  She is 350 lbs and 5' 8".  It's a compulsion that she does not work on controlling.  She hates her life.  She had incredible potential, but she never followed through on any of it.  She was smart, but had no wisdom to profit by it.  She hates "skinny girls" she told me once.  She blames her problems on others.  Her diabetes is genetic.  Heart disease is in the family. Her maternal grandfather, her mother, her great grandmother, a bunch of cousins going back a ways, all had very bad hearts.  I would be diabetic If I did not carefully watch my diet and exercise.

Thank you for your kind thoughts. 


peramangkelder said:


> @Phoenix I am sorry to read about your niece but you know she is probably doing the best she can with her health problems


Thank you. 



Kathleen’s Place said:


> Phoenix, so sorry to hear about your niece. Such a sad situation for everyone. I will say a prayer for her, as well as you


Thank you.



Autumn said:


> @Phoenix I'm sorry that you're going through such a stressful time.  You've done everything you can to reach out and offer support to your niece, but what's equally important right now is taking care of yourself.  Sometimes when we're under a lot of stress, we neglect the basics, eating right, getting enough rest, finding ways to distract ourselves from the constant worry.  Please take care of yourself.  You deserve it.


Thank you for your support and concern. 



hollydolly said:


> I'm so sorry for your Niece and her family too Phoenix .. very sad... and for you as well, it's a horrible feeling when you feel you have no family any longer, whether by nurture or design. I can sense your deeply hurt about this... ((hug))


Thank you.  Yes, I'm deeply hurt.  Most of my family is deceased.  



Lee said:


> Phoenix, sorry to hear about this difficult situation. If she recovers I hope it is a wake up call to begin a healthier approach in daily life.


Thank you.  I don't think she would wake to what she needs to do if she gets well enough to do that.  

I thank all of you who reacted to my post.  My love to you all.


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## Kaila (Dec 19, 2020)

I am so sorry too, @Phoenix 
for all of this, that you shared.  We understand it is a very difficult time.


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## RadishRose (Dec 19, 2020)

I hope you'll feel better, Phoenix. Nothing you can do, so may you be grated some peace!


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## Sliverfox (Dec 19, 2020)

Sorry you are  going  through this stressful time  alone.
Find  something to  do that will take your  mind off it  for awhile.


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## Phoenix (Dec 19, 2020)

Kaila said:


> I am so sorry too, @Phoenix
> for all of this, that you shared.  We understand it is a very difficult time.


Thank you so much.


RadishRose said:


> I hope you'll feel better, Phoenix. Nothing you can do, so may you be grated some peace!


Thank you for your understanding.  I'm working on it.  Part of it comes down to releasing people.  



Sliverfox said:


> Sorry you are  going  through this stressful time  alone.
> Find  something to  do that will take your  mind off it  for awhile.


Thank you.   I do have a husband, so I am not completely alone.  But the loss of family is mine alone.  His family is equally absent.  I am a writer and a painter, so I have lots of things I can do.  I usually work through a loss in a novel.  But I don't want to focus on loss anymore.  There's been way too much of it.  It's time to rise above it.


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## HoneyNut (Dec 19, 2020)

Phoenix said:


> I've decided to let them contact me, since I've offered my support repeatedly. It reinforced the idea that I really have no family. It sucks.


I sympathize.  It would be nice to have supportive family that communicates regularly and loves and appreciates each other.  Like families in TV shows.  My own family is okay but everyone is rather an isolationist.  When my aunt died I found out a week later and not via a member of my family.  I texted the info to my brother and he replied he'd known but hadn't bothered to tell me because he knew I never went to funerals.  I thought that was a poor excuse for not communicating.  But, that is what my family is like.  My sister was the person in the family who kept communication flowing, but after she died we all just float along as separate islands.  We are so separate that when I texted congrats to my brother for becoming a grandfather, I was very relieved that he knew it already.


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## Phoenix (Dec 19, 2020)

HoneyNut said:


> I sympathize.  It would be nice to have supportive family that communicates regularly and loves and appreciates each other.  Like families in TV shows.  My own family is okay but everyone is rather an isolationist.  When my aunt died I found out a week later and not via a member of my family.  I texted the info to my brother and he replied he'd known but hadn't bothered to tell me because he knew I never went to funerals.  I thought that was a poor excuse for not communicating.  But, that is what my family is like.  My sister was the person in the family who kept communication flowing, but after she died we all just float along as separate islands.  We are so separate that when I texted congrats to my brother for becoming a grandfather, I was very relieved that he knew it already.


Thank you for your understanding.   Yes, it appears supportive families are an illusion of TV.  I'm sorry it's that way for you too. There were individuals once upon a time who were supportive, but mostly to get it I had to take them down and sit on them.  My parents were loving people.  One of my grand aunts was, once I opened to her.  But they've been gone a long time now.  The others talked the talk of being religious, loving and supportive, but they did not follow through.  They could quote chapter and verse from the Bible, but they were judgmental and empty.  The younger ones are even worse.  I let my nephews and nieces know I believed in them.  I wrote them each a letter stating just that when they graduated high school.  I did that for my grand nieces and nephews too.  It was what I would have loved to have from my aunts and uncles.  It meant nothing to  my nieces and nephews.  Nothing.

Such is the way of things.  I have to make peace with it and move on.


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## RadishRose (Dec 19, 2020)

HoneyNut said:


> We are so separate that when I texted congrats to my brother for becoming a grandfather, I was very relieved that he knew it already.


This sentence made me laugh.

Some people are just clingy and some are not.  

If there is little or no love, at least let there be peace.


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## Kaila (Dec 19, 2020)

RadishRose said:


> If there is little or no love, at least let there be peace.



That's powerful and moving, Radishrose.  Thanks for sharing that.


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## Pinky (Dec 19, 2020)

Phoenix, I understand your hurt. Unfortunately, not all families are close. You are strong, and will get through this. You have your husband, and that's a blessing. Sometimes, all we need is just one person in this world. 

Take care of yourself.


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## Phoenix (Dec 19, 2020)

Pinky said:


> Phoenix, I understand your hurt. Unfortunately, not all families are close. You are strong, and will get through this. You have your husband, and that's a blessing. Sometimes, all we need is just one person in this world.
> 
> Take care of yourself.


Most families aren't close, if they are honest about it.  Yes, I will get through this.  I got through it when my brother got into his mess, and none of the extended family was there.  This is just more of the same.  What it does is activate the PTSD for the issues with my brother.  When my niece dies at least she will be at peace.  I won't actually miss her, since she didn't allow me to be close.  But I will think sad thoughts about the little girl she once was, and how she lost herself.
Thanks.


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## Chet (Dec 19, 2020)

Some things you can't control, so don't concern yourself with it. Spring is just around the corner. Look forward.


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## officerripley (Dec 19, 2020)

I'm getting here late but my thoughts are with you, Phoenix, hugs.


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## Phoenix (Dec 19, 2020)

Chet said:


> Some things you can't control, so don't concern yourself with it. Spring is just around the corner. Look forward.


Thank you.  Your words remind me of the saying:  *If a problem has a solution, why worry about it?  If a problem has no solution, why worry about it?  If you can't fight and you can't flee, flow.*


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## Phoenix (Dec 19, 2020)

officerripley said:


> I'm getting here late but my thoughts are with you, Phoenix, hugs.


Thank you.


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