# Shocking news



## Kadee (Jun 17, 2019)

We had a phone call last night from a dear friends sister saying our friend had visited her doctor because of bad heartburn ,her dr must have suspected something was up because he ordered a urgent endoscopy this was just a month ago ..
Our friend was found to have cancer of the stomach that’s not able or not worth operating on due to her condition.

We was very shocked to hear the news of our friends condition she has about a month to live 
He husband died suddenly about two years ago at 69, Pat is  72 now  They we’re  both fairly fit active people 

Now I want advice do I phone our friend?  I’m so shocked I don’t really know what to say if I phone her.

She’s in hospital until she passes ,she lives in Queensland approx 3000 km from me 

I’m trying to think of happy times we spent together traveling around Australia in our caravan in 2004 .2005 
We met them in 2004  at a free camp spot in Western Aust  ( we spent almost 12 months together ) we have stayed in touch and also visited one another in our caravans on two occasions in the years since we decided to get another home built in South Aust 
Life is cruel as we age loosing our dear friends it just not fair


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## Rosemarie (Jun 17, 2019)

Sorry if I sound unsympathetic, but this lady is 72, a good age to get to.  Death comes to all of us and her time on this earth has come to an end. I just hope she doesn't suffer too much.


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## treeguy64 (Jun 17, 2019)

How often have you talked to this friend, in recent years? If the time intervals were very frequent, then you might want to call her and simply have a conversation, to start, about whatever you usually have talked about, in the past. I would imagine that laying around in hospital, waiting to die, might get boring. A break in the tedium would, most likely, be appreciated. You could let the friend dictate where the conversation goes. I would not call specifically to say goodbye, especially if this friend is someone whom you actually haven't talked to in a good while. I'd let things be. I agree with the poster, above, who sees your friend's seventy-two years as a good lifespan.


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## Trade (Jun 17, 2019)

Rosemarie said:


> Sorry if I sound unsympathetic, but this lady is 72, a good age to get to.



*HEY!  I'm 72!*

:saywhat:


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## Ronni (Jun 17, 2019)

It's always difficult to have those kinds of conversations, when someone is ill and the outcome is terminal or doubtful.  What do you say?  How do you act?  It can be really uncomfortable.  I would fumble around, not sure what to talk about if I called, but feeling guilty for not calling.

I've found an approach that works for me.  I just call and say that I heard about the person's illness (I don't mention the terminal aspect of it) and ask them if there's anything they need or anything I can do for them.  I make sure they understand it's not a social offer, that I'm sincere and want to help.  If they want to talk, about anything, I let them and simply listen.  If they actually do have a need that I can help them with, I make sure to follow through and do what I can.  

It's not much, but I feel better knowing I reached out, whether I can do anything or not.


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## Sassycakes (Jun 17, 2019)

Ronni said:


> It's always difficult to have those kinds of conversations, when someone is ill and the outcome is terminal or doubtful.  What do you say?  How do you act?  It can be really uncomfortable.  I would fumble around, not sure what to talk about if I called, but feeling guilty for not calling.
> 
> I've found an approach that works for me.  I just call and say that I heard about the person's illness (I don't mention the terminal aspect of it) and ask them if there's anything they need or anything I can do for them.  I make sure they understand it's not a social offer, that I'm sincere and want to help.  If they want to talk, about anything, I let them and simply listen.  If they actually do have a need that I can help them with, I make sure to follow through and do what I can.
> 
> It's not much, but I feel better knowing I reached out, whether I can do anything or not.



Ronni, that sounds like a very good way to handle the situation.


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## Pepper (Jun 17, 2019)

Rosemarie said:


> Sorry if I sound unsympathetic, but this lady is 72, a good age to get to.  Death comes to all of us and her time on this earth has come to an end. I just hope she doesn't suffer too much.



Many of your posts have this in common:  lack of empathy.  Condolences to you on your loss.


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## win231 (Jun 17, 2019)

Rosemarie said:


> Sorry if I sound unsympathetic, but this lady is 72, a good age to get to.  Death comes to all of us and her time on this earth has come to an end. I just hope she doesn't suffer too much.



LOL - "Sorry if I sound unsympathetic."   You're a lot of other things, too.


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## Ruthanne (Jun 17, 2019)

I'm sorry this is happening--it's so sad when we find these kind of things out.  I agree with Ronni's approach and I usually do the same as her.  Best wishes to you in your handling this.


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## RadishRose (Jun 17, 2019)

I'm so sorry, Kadee.


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## AnnieA (Jun 17, 2019)

So sad.   Ronnie's advice is excellent.  Since you're so far away, you may not be able to help in person, but there are still ways to show you care.   Cards, flowers and gift cards to help her family with expenses.


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## RadishRose (Jun 17, 2019)

AnnieA said:


> So sad.   Ronnie's advice is excellent.  Since you're so far away, you may not be able to help in person, but there are still ways to show you care.   Cards, flowers and gift cards to help her family with expenses.



I'm just getting to know you AnnieA, may I say you're a very thoughtful person.


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## charry (Jun 17, 2019)

Trade said:


> *HEY!  I'm 72!*
> 
> :saywhat:



Wow your ancient Trade lol ...


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## Rosemarie (Jun 17, 2019)

Trade said:


> *HEY!  I'm 72!*
> 
> :saywhat:



Well, I've had my three score years and ten. Every day is a bonus now.


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## Olivia (Jun 17, 2019)

Rosemarie said:


> Well, I've had my three score years and ten. Every day is a bonus now.



Sorry if I don't sound sympathetic.


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## OneEyedDiva (Jun 17, 2019)

Rosemarie said:


> Sorry if I sound unsympathetic, but this lady is 72, a good age to get to.  Death comes to all of us and her time on this earth has come to an end. I just hope she doesn't suffer too much.


WTH difference does her age make??!! I wouldn't give a damn if she was 97 (the age my mother lived to). Kadee asked how to handle this news she just found out about her friend that has saddened her. I'd say your reply is *insensitive*.  BTW...I'm 72 also and healthier and more active than I've ever been.  Kadee I think Ronni gave good advice as long as you're able to get to your friend. If not, then a phone call might just be a welcomed distraction.


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## Kadee (Jun 17, 2019)

Thank you Diva 

Age is irrelevant IMO I’m 73 I dance ( ballroom ) twice a week and I’m along with my husband one of the youngest ones at the dance the oldest is a married couple who are 95 and 96 and still dancing very well


My friend I’ve mentioned is like a sister to me , ( most of us care for our close friends ) her and her hubby did quite a bit of walking /hiking / climbing mountains 
Jack   ( Pats late husband ) died two days after being told by the dr 
 he had 20 years left in him he was so fit ..he sudden death was put down as being caused by cholesterol tablets 

I sent a text to Pat as I was told by her sister she had her phone with her ..she sent a message back this morning .My message simply said ....Thinking of you dear friend ....She replied ...Thank you for caring 
Ill think about sending another telling her I’d love to call her if she feels up to chatting for a short while 

We used to call one another about every 3 months or so and neither of us ever forgot each other’s birthdays


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## Trade (Jun 17, 2019)

Rosemarie said:


> Well, I've had my three score years and ten. Every day is a bonus now.



I'm an Atheist so I'm going to take as many years as I can get.


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## Pepper (Jun 17, 2019)

Every day is a bonus no matter what the age.


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## SeaBreeze (Jun 17, 2019)

I'm very sorry to hear the sad news about your friend Kadee.    I'm glad you decided to send her a message and she responded.  I hope you can speak with her some more soon, I think she would appreciate that very much...hugs.


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## Kadee (Jun 17, 2019)

Thanks for replies it one of those things you don’t know if you should be phoning someone who is so ill 
I have to say I / we have a closer relationship with our close friends that we do with family it one of those things in life at least we can pick our friends .
We had some wonderful times together camping in areas where it was forbidden naughty us ..sitting out under the stars in the middle of nowhere with a torch playing spot the satellite silly games . 
This is one place we camped at the base of 
https://www.westernaustralia.com/en/Attraction/Wave_Rock/56b266fb7b935fbe730e63bc#/


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## Rosemarie (Jun 17, 2019)

Pepper said:


> Many of your posts have this in common:  lack of empathy.  Condolences to you on your loss.



I'm just a realist.


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## Marie5656 (Jun 18, 2019)

*Kadee, this can be a difficult time, both for the person who is ill, and for those around them.  I had a friend who knew she was terminally ill.  She was on my outer circle of friends, so we setre not really close, but saw each other often as I was friends with her daughter, who lived with her.  I had to help  the daughter deal with a lot of her emotions.  Sometimes we all just sat and talked, or just sat together.  On the last day I saw her, a couple days before she passed, I saw she was in discomfort, and tired.  But she was upset that she was unable to finish cleaning up after making a small lunch.  So, without being asked, I washed up the dishes and put them away.  Then she asked if I would get her some water.  
My friend's daughter has a disability, and the last thing she said was "watch out for Kim for me".   It IS hard.
*


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## Kadee (Jun 18, 2019)

Thanks Marie 
I’m going to phone Pat’s sister later today she is the one who contacted me 

In a sense I’d love to go up.and see Pat .but in another my heart says no ..she was happy smiling waving us goodbye the last time I seen her as her and Jack  as they drove out of our under cover area where our van is stored ( we parked our van in the next door neighbours while Pat & Jack used the area ) 
They were both so happy and sad at the same time after spending weeks with us ,Jack passed away suddenly a couple of months latter


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## KingsX (Jun 18, 2019)

.

One of my friends who lived quite a distance away suddenly found out he had end stage lung cancer [he was a heavy smoker.]  He also only had months to live. We emailed and/or spoke over the phone every day. He was mentally alert until the end even when he was in hospice taking strong pain meds.    His last email to me was sent the hour he passed.  He was only 65 [we were both born the same year.]


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## Butterfly (Jun 19, 2019)

Kadee46 said:


> Thank you Diva
> 
> Age is irrelevant IMO I’m 73 I dance ( ballroom ) twice a week and I’m along with my husband one of the youngest ones at the dance the oldest is a married couple who are 95 and 96 and still dancing very well
> 
> ...



I think you are doing the right thing, Kadee.


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## Kadee (Jun 19, 2019)

Pats sister  Silvia contacted me to say Pat’s not very good at all


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## jujube (Jun 19, 2019)

It doesn't get any easier no matter what the age is. I'm dealing with this with my oldest friend whose husband has maybe 6 months to live. He's 72. It's a young age to go. He should have had many many yet to live.

I just try to be there when she wants to vent. He's concerned more about her than about himself. He needs to vent, too.


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## StarSong (Jun 20, 2019)

Kadee46 said:


> I sent a text to Pat as I was told by her sister she had her phone with her ..she sent a message back this morning .My message simply said ....Thinking of you dear friend ....She replied ...Thank you for caring
> Ill think about sending another telling her I’d love to call her if she feels up to chatting for a short while



Kadee, I'm so sorry to learn of your friend's illness.  It's absolutely wrenching to say a permanent goodbye to a loved one, or to know that one is coming soon.  

Texting your friend is such a considerate way to initiate contact.  You broke the ice, showed how much you care, and are allowing her to dictate how much and what sort of contact she's up to.    

I wish you and your friend well.


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## Citygirl (Jun 20, 2019)

*Kadee: I'm so very sorry this is happening to you. At least the lines of communication have been established. I wish the best for the both of you {{{HUGS}}}*


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## 911 (Jun 20, 2019)

I had a friend die pretty much in the same manner. He was 62 and we all thought that he was in good health. He really liked basketball and I was able to get my hands on a couple of tickets to a Villanova game the next night. I called him and he said he wasn't feeling well and that I should ask someone else. A few days later, I get a phone call from another friend and he asked me if I heard about Donnie? I said "No, why?" He said that he's in the hospital, but doesn't know why. 

As soon as I hung up the phone, I jumped in the car and drove to the hospital to see him. The nurse tells me no visitors allowed. I asked if he had a contagious disease. She tells me that she can't give out any information and to see his doctor so and so. I didn't know the doctor. So, I just wandered around the hospital and waited until his girlfriend showed up. I could tell that she had been crying. I asked her what was going on. She asked for my confidentiality and I agreed. She said that Donnie has Lymphoma and is dying. You could have pushed me over with one finger.  Three weeks later, he was dead. 

I sang the song, "I Can Only Imagine" at his funeral.


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## Kadee (Jun 20, 2019)

Sad 911 we just never know when our time is up ,We lost a friend 5 years ago from Lymphoma he thought he’d beat it after 12 months but it came back with aggression so they tried a new drug and gave him max of 6 months .

He passed away 2 weeks after at 69 He was hubbies best friend .
My husband was so upset he had to go on antidepressants for over a year.


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## Happyflowerlady (Jun 20, 2019)

I am also glad that you were able to make contact with your dear friend, Kaydee, and I am sure that it meant a lot to her, too. 
I think that if I were faced with that kind of news, and knew I only had a short time to live, my thoughts would be centered on the people that I love, and that I might never see them again in my life. 
When I had the heart procedure, and was so sick, I didn’t know if I would survive the operation, and just having my daughter there with me really made a big difference to me, and knowing that if I didn’t wake up afterwards, at least she (whom I love more than anyone on this earth) was the last thing that I saw. 
Even if you are unable to go and comfort your friend in person, I am sure that it is blessing her heart just to be hearing from you and knowing how much you care for her. 

Sending you virtual hugs to comfort you also in this sad time, Kaydee.


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## 911 (Jun 21, 2019)

I have been giving this post some additional thought. I am glad that you at least had the opportunity to speak with your friend. Losing someone we love or enjoy just being with is tragic to some of us.

This morning, I received a call from one of my not real close friends, but he wanted me to know that a fellow we both know and who had renal cancer maybe 4 or 5 years ago and was told he was cancer free, is right now under the knife again. He was having headaches for several days and went to the doctors. An x-ray or an MRI showed two spots on his brain. Instead of waiting and due to his past history, they decided to go after the tumors immediately.

I didn’t even get the chance to wish him well. Supposedly, this will be a 6-8 hour surgery. How does a doctor stay composed and focused for that period of time? I know there are separate teams involved, but still, that’s a long time to stay focused on the job at hand, especially considering the area of the body that’s being worked on. 

I think doctors are under paid when I look at how much movie, TV and music people earn.


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## Lara (Jun 22, 2019)

Kadee46 said:


> ...We were very shocked to hear the news of our friends condition she has about a month to live
> Now I want advice do I phone our friend?  I’m so shocked I don’t really know what to say if I phone her.


I would tell her what you've told us and add what you said below. This:



			
				Kadee said:
			
		

> ...but I’m thinking of happy times we spent together traveling around Australia in our caravan in 2004 .2005
> We met in 2004  at a free camp spot in Western Aust  ( we spent almost 12 months together ) we have stayed in touch and also visited one another in our caravans on two occasions in the years since we decided to get another home built in South Australia....Loosing you, my dear friend, is just not fair


Then add a positive thought, "...but you will be leaving me a precious present of good memories we've shared over the years". Be specific as you share some memories with her. That's what she wants to hear right now. All about what she meant to you, how her life was full of fun and friendship. What was it about her that made you like her enough to want to be her friend? That will make her feel like her life was worthwhile and fulfilled. That's what she wants to hear.


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## Kadee (Jun 22, 2019)

Thank you Lara I’d do exactly that ,and I’d tell her we still have Dfor ...when we parted after traveling together her and jack gave us a little stuffed dog to look after us while traveling in the van ,we still have it sitting on a shelf right by the door looking out for us.


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## Keesha (Jun 22, 2019)

Lara said:


> I would tell her what you've told us and add what you said below. This:
> 
> 
> Then add a positive thought, "...but you will be leaving me a precious present of good memories we've shared over the years". Be specific as you share some memories with her. That's what she wants to hear right now. All about what she meant to you, how her life was full of fun and friendship. What was it about her that made you like her enough to want to be her friend? That will make her feel like her life was worthwhile and fulfilled. That's what she wants to hear.





Kadee46 said:


> Thank you Lara I’d do exactly that ,and I’d tell her we still have Dfor ...when we parted after traveling together her and jack gave us a little stuffed dog to look after us while traveling in the van ,we still have it sitting on a shelf right by the door looking out for us.


So beautiful :heart:


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## WhatInThe (Jun 23, 2019)

Kadee,

Sorry to hear about your friend. It sounded sudden. I'd just make contact even if with just a get well or greeting card. At least they'll know you were thinking about them. Leave a small footnote offering to speak, call or email anytime they want. 

That being said not knowing all the facts it sounded like she lived a relatively healthy life until now perhaps not becoming the professional patient the medical industry wants us to be. I'd rather know/see my fate play out in a short period of time rather go through all the stuff the medical industry puts the patients through over the course of time much of which is better spent just living.

Best wishes to your friend and yourself.


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## Kadee (Jun 24, 2019)

Thank you to all for your love and support.

I’ve spoken to Pat today she is really battling to breathe and talk so we both made it brief ,at least we got to say bye.

Pat’s sister phoned me then put Pat on , Silva then told us Pat has a week, her wish was to die at home where she is now 
On her 5 acres of her home / land  where we spent a wonderful month with them after we’d parted company 

Im happy at least we both got to say our last bye bye to a dear friend ..at least we have some wonderful memories 
of both Pat and her late hubby Jack


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## hypochondriac (Jun 30, 2019)

Kadee46 said:


> We had a phone call last night from a dear friends sister saying our friend had visited her doctor because of bad heartburn ,her dr must have suspected something was up because he ordered a urgent endoscopy this was just a month ago ..
> Our friend was found to have cancer of the stomach that’s not able or not worth operating on due to her condition.
> 
> We was very shocked to hear the news of our friends condition she has about a month to live
> ...


the big C  . most of us will get it one day. i wonder


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## Kadee (Jul 2, 2019)

Sadly our dear friend Pat has passed away today


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## applecruncher (Jul 2, 2019)

Sorry, Kadee.


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## Linda (Jul 3, 2019)

I'm so sorry Kadee46.  Will you be able to go to her funeral?


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## Kadee (Jul 3, 2019)

I won’t be able to @Linda as much as we would like to it’s to far away 
She was in Rockhampton in Queensland it would be about 3.000 km from where I live 
I’ll just remember all the good times we had together


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## Linda (Jul 3, 2019)

Your thoughts will mean a lot Kadee.  Hugs to you.


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## Vega_Lyra (Jul 3, 2019)

My condolences.


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## RadishRose (Jul 3, 2019)

Kadee, please accept my condolences. I'm so sorry you lost your friend.


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## JustBonee (Jul 3, 2019)

So sorry Kadee.


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## Kadee (Jul 3, 2019)

Pats sister Sylvia phoned me this morning which we really appreciated we explained we wouldn’t be able to make it up, there for the funeral as it’s 3000 km from here https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rockhampton
I live in south Australia ..yes we could fly up, there ..I just checked flights $543 each one way ...
then we’d have to hire a car and accommodation , we are not in a  position to afford expenses like that,
We will remember for both her and Jack for the great times we spent together ,we were like brothers and sisters together
Thank you to everyone for your support it’s been  appreciated I’m happy at least say bye on the phone to pat last week
However it’s a very sad day for us as you can understand ..
Kay xxx


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