# You Borrow You Give It Back. It Is Not Automatically Yours



## WhatInThe (May 11, 2018)

Old curmudgeon here. Apparently 20 somethings have somethings to learn including one returns borrowed items. It is not automatically yours. Their sense of entitlement includes assuming anytime they borrow something they don't have to give it back, nor should they like it's law or something. But it's platitude many use to rationalize being unable to collect a debt but a debt never the less.

The neighbors young adult child came over knocking on the door in huff on a rainy day saying they needed to borrow an umbrella, ok in the name of good neighborly relations and past dealings with the parents no problem. She saw me a few days later and asked to keep it. I said no we need it and even gave them a few more days use out of restraint. The look on their face was complete & utter surprise, shock and as in how dare you. They agreed to eventually give it back. Setting aside the sense of entitlement my thing is they have been using the bus and/or bumming rides for years and now she needs a umbrella while waiting on rainy days? She's not the only one. Yeh if you loan money to a junky or bum don't expect it back as the old platitude or saying states. Is everyone a junky or bum? Do they not have pride? There is an unwieldy sense of entitlement for several generations 50 or under. Even worse are adults that never grew up or matured and play those games.

Now I see why but don't condone but see why gangsters collect debts the way they do.


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## Aunt Bea (May 11, 2018)

The thing that amuses me is that the person making the loan often becomes the bad guy, in the end, go figure!!!


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## applecruncher (May 11, 2018)

One has to learn to say "No".

Don't loan.


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## Keesha (May 11, 2018)

If you are THAT attached to something then don’t lend it out.


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## terry123 (May 11, 2018)

Keesha said:


> If you are THAT attached to something then don’t lend it out.


I agree!!


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## applecruncher (May 11, 2018)

So the lender becomes the bad guy.     I don't think attachment is the issue.

Borrowers and moochers only learn self-sufficiency when people say NO.

I used to tell people "I didn't buy any extra (whatever). Good luck. Gotta go."

In other words ---> No.


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## Keesha (May 11, 2018)

Not lending it, IS saying ‘no.’


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## applecruncher (May 11, 2018)

Keesha said:


> Not lending it, IS saying ‘no.’



Yes. Correct. That's the point.


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## Keesha (May 11, 2018)

applecruncher said:


> So the lender becomes the bad guy.     I don't think attachment is the issue.
> 
> Borrowers and moochers only learn self-sufficiency when people say NO.
> 
> ...



So why add all of this?    



applecruncher said:


> Yes. Correct. That's the point.


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## applecruncher (May 11, 2018)

Keesha said:


> So why add all of this?



Because I chose to.  I really don't owe you an explanation. 

You don't always have to read and reply to EVERY post in EVERY thread on the forum.


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## Keesha (May 11, 2018)

applecruncher said:


> Because I chose to.  I really don't owe you an explanation.
> 
> You don't always have to read and reply to EVERY post in EVERY thread on the forum.




:kissmy:


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## applecruncher (May 11, 2018)

I choose not to, and there's nothing you can do about it.


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## Keesha (May 11, 2018)

I feel wonderful thanks  :thankyou:


It’s cute that you felt the need to edit your last post. :rofl:


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## applecruncher (May 11, 2018)

Back to topic...

WhatInThe, lesson learned.  Don't lend unless you're prepared to give it away.


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## Aunt Bea (May 11, 2018)

The issue doesn't really come up very often in my life but I would rather take a chance on helping a person even if I do get scammed every now and then.

You can learn an awful lot about a person for the price of an umbrella!

When I'm approached to make a monetary loan I try to ask myself if the loan will solve the problem or only prolong the problem.

If I honestly feel that the underlying problem has been addressed/solved I will usually make the loan even if the odds are that it won't be repaid.

I would rather take a chance on helping a person even if I do get scammed every once in a while.


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## SeaBreeze (May 11, 2018)

I like to help people out, just my nature.  So if a neighbor comes over and wants to borrow an umbrella, I'd do it in a heartbeat....but, I do expect to get it back.  I wouldn't hound them about it, and I'd wait awhile before I even mentioned it to them, but I don't think lending someone my umbrella for a day or two should lead to my having to go to the store and buy myself a brand new one, so I have something to use in the rain or snow.

We've lent out things in the past, including tools, ladders, etc., and always had them returned in a timely manner, so it hasn't really been a problem with me.  If someone didn't want to return something, or copped an attitude about it, they would never be loaned anything again, that's for sure, and would probably be on my $hit list.  That's the only time I would 'just say no'.  I don't care for 'users'.


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## moviequeen1 (May 12, 2018)

When I was in college,I would loan out my books all the time to my friends,ask them to return them when they were finished,most of the time I'd never see the books again.
My rule now is when I loan my friends a book,,they have between 2-3 months to finish it. When the time is up,I ask them as nicely as I can for my book.If they don't comply, I tell them 'either you return the book,buy me a new one,or we are no longer friends'.I usually get the book back Sue


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## CarolfromTX (May 23, 2018)

Keesha said:


> If you are THAT attached to something then don’t lend it out.


Totally not the point. Any reasonable person would expect to get a BORROWED item back. That's what borrow means. If you ask to borrow something because you are in a bind, return it. It is NOT your property. If I were in the OP's shoes, I'd ask for it back, even if had six more like it, just on principal. And I damn sure wouldn't lend them anything else.


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