# Do you have anything in place to assure people you are OK, if not heard from



## Marie5656 (Nov 23, 2019)

*I found this article about a military vet who was "missing" for 3 years and then found dead in his apartment  Missing vet.

He lived in Texas, his elderly mom in New York. She had called the police in Texas and was told that as he was an adult, and traveled for his work, nothing they could do.

Got me to thinking, for those of us who live alone. Do you have any checks in place, to assure people you are OK?  How long do you want people to not hear from you before they check?  The guy in the above article had his bills on auto pay from his military pension.

Now with social media, our online presence can be a good indicator of us being OK. But what about elderly folks with no social circle or social media?

My niece and I are in contact every few days, even if just a text or PM on FB.  My neighbor and I let each other know if we are going to be away from home for anything longer than a day trip.  

I know many of us live alone, most in reasonably good health.  Maybe we can share ideas of how to make sure we are not put in a situation where we are never found.*


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## AnnieA (Nov 23, 2019)

My social butterfly aunt that lived alone before the days of cellphones spent two nights in her bathroom floor post stroke.  Her kids both lived away and her sister who lived in town figured she was out with friends.  She and her sister talked most everyday, and the second day her sister got worried and went to her house.  When she saw the car in the garage, she called neighbors and they found her.  Thankfully, she lived, but it was touch and go for awhile.  She had some 'clawing' in the hand on the affected side and always had to use a walker, but that may have been the case anyway.


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## J-Kat (Nov 23, 2019)

I have a wonderful neighbor who calls if she does not see me out and about for a few days.  We let each other know about any plans to travel and our expected schedule.  I also have an Apple watch that is set up to call for help if I fall or I can initiate a call via the watch if I need too.


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## applecruncher (Nov 23, 2019)

This thread caught my eye because a 52 yr old neighbor living alone was discovered dead a few days ago. It's my understanding that his parents in another state and also a friend hadn't been able to reach him for over a week. EMTs and police were called and found him.  I knew him casually.  Sad 

I've heard of phone check-in and reassurance services such as R U OK and I AM FINE. Also some Dept of Aging and Sheriff's depts have such services.


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## Marie5656 (Nov 23, 2019)

@applecruncher  Those phone check in services seem interesting. Are they just for seniors?  I will have to look into it locally.  While I do not obscess about it, I do worry that something similar could happen to me, or others I care about.


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## applecruncher (Nov 23, 2019)

@Marie5656 
Some might be for seniors but others are for anyone needing such a service.  From what I understand they're low cost and even free in some areas.

I read the story about the man who had been dead for 3 yrs.
Incredible.


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## Marie5656 (Nov 23, 2019)

applecruncher said:


> @Marie5656
> 
> I read the story about the man who had been dead for 3 yrs.
> Incredible.


Agreed. Should not have happened.  Sad that people are so self involved, that they do not notice something like this happening.


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## fmdog44 (Nov 23, 2019)

This may be gruesome but factual. If you own an animal then drop dead or have a stroke that animal is going to get hungry and sooner or later. I'll let your imagination take over.


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## Ruthanne (Nov 23, 2019)

If I were not seen around my apt. building for awhile I believe the manager would check on me but not sure.  I guess it's a good idea to have contact with someone who would check on me.  Something I must look into.


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## applecruncher (Nov 23, 2019)

About the man who had been dead for 3 yrs I meant to also say I found it strange that a family member, friend, SOMEBODY didn't notify his landlord or employer and explain they weren't able to reach him. Lots of people travel on their jobs but still communicate.

Something seems "off".


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## Marie5656 (Nov 23, 2019)

Apple, I see what you mean. My thought processes did not go there.


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## applecruncher (Nov 23, 2019)

Just seems strange that the people in his life- whoever they are -hadn't seen or heard from or talked to him in 3 yrs. Then they hear he's dead and are grief stricken.


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## Aunt Bea (Nov 24, 2019)

This would be a great service project for a community group or church to create a calling tree where each person that is interested checks on one or more people at a specific time each day by telephone.

IMO it would go beyond the value of checking and give people a sense of purpose and a little friendly human contact each day.


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## fmdog44 (Nov 26, 2019)

Check out www.callingcare.com


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## Ronni (Nov 26, 2019)

I currently have a large circle of friends and family that I am in touch with pretty much every day, and in the case of my daughter and Ron, constantly throughout the day so in my particular case there would numerous folks putting out the alarm if I were out of touch for any length of time.  

Some of my senior friends live alone, and those who don't work can go for days without any communication to or from anyone.  They all have cell phones though and I've encouraged every one of them to keep their cell on them at all times.  

One of my friends has mobility issues, steep stairs to his bathroom, and a long secluded driveway to the mailbox, and I've urged him repeatedly to keep his cell phone in his pocket except when he's in bed.  If something happened to him, it would be days before anyone would even know something was amiss.  

I am appalled at the idea that one of them could have an issue and be unable to get up, and would just have to lie there suffering and possibly even dying not from their injury or medical issue that caused them to founder, but from something like dehydration or hypothermia, all because they couldn't ask for help.


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## JustBonee (Nov 26, 2019)

Nothing is in place for checking on people in my apartment complex.   ... Last Fall,   around this time of the year,   a 94 yr old woman who lived in a downstairs apt.,  was found dead in her apartment.   ..  She was very active for her age and even had a car and still drove.   
They found her just inside her apartment by the front door,  like she was trying to leave but collapsed  by the entrance.
People had knocked on her door in that time,    but thought maybe she had gone away. 

It all came to light when her monthly  rent wasn't paid.   Management had to call the Fire Department to break the door down,   as  tenants   have a second security lock on the doors,   and management cannot open that lock. 
She had probably been dead for about a week.


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## Manatee (Dec 8, 2019)

The Sheriff's Office in Maricopa County, Arizona has the RUOK program.  You sign up and they call you every day at a time that you specify.  If you do not answer they dispatch someone to find out why.  On occasion it is a life saving program.


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## OneEyedDiva (Dec 15, 2019)

applecruncher said:


> About the man who had been dead for 3 yrs I meant to also say I found it strange that a family member, friend, SOMEBODY didn't notify his landlord or employer and explain they weren't able to reach him. Lots of people travel on their jobs but still communicate.
> 
> Something seems "off".


I thought the same thing then wondered why the landlord wasn't sweating about the rent. Turns out it was on auto pay or something.  So that made me wonder...how much did this man have in the bank to be able to have his rent covered for three years.  Also...wasn't there a foul smell lingering?  Very strange case.  Too bad about your neighbor too.


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## OneEyedDiva (Dec 15, 2019)

I recently told my very busy son that since I'm getting up in age, it would be a good idea for him to call me at least every couple of days if he hasn't heard from me or seen me posting on Facebook.  I have a cousin who didn't have a good relationship with his mother.  I never met her (thankfully) but heard from him and my brother that she was a horrible woman.  He decided to visit her one day and found her dead in the bathtub. She'd been dead about a week.  How do you unsee something like that?!  He has mental issues and I really understand why.


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## Kadee (Dec 15, 2019)

We have this service in Australia for anyone at risk despite age.
https://www.redcross.org.au/get-help/community-services/telecross
We have a horrible heat wave here in South Aust at the moment and allot refuse to turn on their air conditioner ,if the person has been referred to RC  by a GP or other community worker  Red Cross will call the person daily for a welfare check
allot of these services are run by caring volunteers


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## lukebass (Dec 30, 2019)

I live in a 55+community where the average age is about 75.  The majority of folks here could care less about their neighbors.  It is a standing joke that if a resident dies the tell-tale sign is the smell.

While living in a regular community I had neighbors who were concerned and if they didn't see me would inquire.  At one location I had a great mailman who told me he always watched for a mail built up in the mail boxes and would contact the police if there the mail remained for days.

One town I lived in had a welfare check set up with the police.  A resident signed up and would call into a central number once a week.  If they failed to call the police were sent out.

There was a post about a hungry pet with a deceased owner;  why worry about a pet chewing a few toes off when most of us are going to be cremated anyway?  When we're dead, we're dead.


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## Ronni (Dec 30, 2019)

lukebass said:


> There was a post about a hungry pet with a deceased owner;  why worry about a pet chewing a few toes off when most of us are going to be cremated anyway?  When we're dead, we're dead.


Oh jeez that’s awful.


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## Lvstotrvl (Dec 30, 2019)

My oldest daughter calls me every morning, my youngest calls late afternoon. My granddaughters come for dinner once a week. I belong to a private Pinterest board that I start the day with a good morning pin if I haven’t pinned by 9am someone will text me, if I don’t respond within a half hour they will call one of my daughters. I’m a very lucky person!


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## lukebass (Jan 1, 2020)

If you are interested there is a website that offers a paid service for welfare checks.  It is called Callingcare.com.  Again this is a paid service.  I have no experience with them but I am considering a trying the trial run they offer.


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## Ladybj (Jan 9, 2020)

This is a great post and something to think about.  When hubby is at work, I am home alone. I have a few friends that I call and they call me but its not a daily thing.  My daughter is a young adult and I check on her every other day.  This post has led me to put something in place.  I think a lot of times, friends and family feel that if anything happen to you, you will be able to call 911 which is not the case all the time.


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## fmdog44 (Jan 9, 2020)

applecruncher said:


> @Marie5656
> Some might be for seniors but others are for anyone needing such a service.  From what I understand they're low cost and even free in some areas.
> 
> I read the story about the man who had been dead for 3 yrs.
> Incredible.


living where? Just curious.


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## peppermint (Jan 9, 2020)

fmdog44 said:


> This may be gruesome but factual. If you own an animal then drop dead or have a stroke that animal is going to get hungry and sooner or later. I'll let your imagination take over.


You are correct....My husband's cousin lived alone...we hardly saw him...He lived alone....His son found him dead...but he was dead for a couple of days and his dog did things to his body...I couldn't say what it was...You'll understand...We found this out from a friend....who I worked with...
We haven't seen the cousin in many years....Very Sad...


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## Llynn (Jan 9, 2020)

No. And I should. Thanks for the reminder


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## applecruncher (Jan 9, 2020)

fmdog44 said:


> living where? Just curious.


DeSoto (Dallas area)
Navy veteran Ronald Wayne White. You can Google/post the story. As I recall his family didn't know he had that apartment - which is kinda strange.


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## fmdog44 (Jan 12, 2020)

Aside from death what about being disabled? Is their a person(s) that would take over all of your tasks, duties, chores and responsibilities?


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## Butterfly (Jan 12, 2020)

Yes.


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