# Ex-Son-in-law problem



## Bobsyouruncle (May 19, 2015)

Here's one I bet you haven't heard before.

My daughter married a very controlling person. (bi-polar) He would time her showers.  She eventually turned to alcohol because of him.  She left him when her son was about 3 years old and moved in with me. Nine years of hell later, the alcohol finally killer her at 43 years of age.

Knowing what kind of a person her ex-husband was and in order to keep my grandsons life somewhat normal and what he was used to, I asked my ex-son-in-law to move in with me with his son.  (He wasn't working , as usual, and living in a run down crummy apartment.

Here's the problem, as if that isn't enough, my son-in-law feels he has to 'make a man' out of his 13 year old son so, as the controlling person he is, he has made a list of about 15 chores that my grandson must do weekly.  If my grandson forgets to do any of these chores or they are not to the liking of my son-in-law, he is punished, which happens like clockwork.  If my grandson tries to explain himself, he is punished worse.

For the slightest thing, my grandson gets grounded for weeks on end or looses his TV or notepad etc.   Along with this he is also belittled and told 'he has an addictive personality just like his Mother'.

My question:  How do I go about handling this?  My grandson wants me to intervene but I am walking a tight rope.   I don't want to aggravate my son-in-law as I don't want him to move back to some sleasy apartment and take my grandson with him. My grandson would have no one to turn to and loose the only home he knows.


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## jujube (May 20, 2015)

You are a saint.  I went through this to an extent with my daughter's present husband (step-father to my granddaughter).  I had to bite my tongue for years (it's a wonder I have one left) in order to not make things any worse than they were for my granddaughter.  Now, she's out of college and well-settled and I hardly ever have to see him, which I'm sure is a relief for both of us.


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## AZ Jim (May 20, 2015)

You might want to go to introductions and check in so we all know you're here.  Good luck!!


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## WhatInThe (May 21, 2015)

Sounds like a person who only see's the world in black and white along with being a megalomaniac.

I see possible abuse issues in the son's future. 

Counseling or consults for grandson first(tread lightly). Then deal with the father.

Good Luck

*Apologies, misread post at first*


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