# life after retirement



## Dennis K (Sep 17, 2016)

Retirement is near. I have planned financially but sometimes I wonder if I am prepared mentally. I am the type of person that needs to stay busy. Work fills in a good portion of that need now. Sometimes I wonder if I will have enough to do, especially in the winter months. Will I be able to adapt to having so much free time? Should I coming up with ideas now, new hobbies, or whatever to be ready. Or should I just see how it goes?
Does or did anyone else have concerns of this nature? I enjoy my job, and sometimes I think stopping cold turkey might not be as easy as for some people. I look forward to retirement, but I have not spent my working career dreaming of getting there like some people do.


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## Aunt Bea (Sep 17, 2016)

When I stopped working in 2005 it was a big change.  

It wasn't just the loss of activity it was the loss of purpose, power, identity and the whole work community of friends and associates.

Sounds pretty bleak, LOL!

The first couple of months I felt like I was on vacation.  The next six months or so I floundered about looking for a new purpose and a new identity.  I thought about getting a job but I didn't want to be tied down.  I looked into volunteering but I felt like a slave for people that were making fairly substantial incomes.  Eventually I started "working" at one of my hobbies to make a little extra money, making money is my way of keeping score, and more importantly have some human contact.  That has worked well for me, I turn it on and off when it suits me.  It's been eleven years since I stopped working and now it feels like I never had a job, I like it!  Just put one foot in front of the other, you'll figure it out!


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## Dennis K (Sep 17, 2016)

I have heard that story more than most would think. I guess I can treat it as starting a new career. Just cannot let things happen, might have to work at it a bit. LOL 
For some people I imagine retiring is not so dramatic, but like you, some of us will be leaving behind much more than just a pay check.


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## bluebreezes (Sep 17, 2016)

Dennis, I think your questions are very good. The transition definitely doesn't happen with flicking a switch. When I first started feeling it was time to retire, it seemed like many websites had a formula about how to spend one's time. I haven't found much of that advice to hold true (yet at least), and think I'll let things develop, although probably on a different pace from the working world.

I'm in the semi-retirement phase moving soon-ish to full retirement and my time seems to be more about enjoying what I no longer have to deal with by not working for a large corporation full-time (60+ hours/week). For the past 18 months I've had a part-time work freelance job when I feel like working for an online company, and I'm doing it half-heartedly these days. It's just a huge relief to no longer to live with the stress in the corporate world and I have a feeling I'll be getting over that for a while to come. I was quite burnt out at the point I decided to leave. I'd call it pre-retirement recovery of time and self. 

What I realized recently is at some point things will shift from "what I don't have to do now that I'm not working" to "what do I want to do now with all this time?"  I'm finding that some of the things I enjoyed (like painting and writing) I used to fit into a quick weekend when I was working full-time is not what I'm thinking about with all the time in the world to do it. Maybe the desire to do those things will come back over time. I am spending huge amounts of time now reading and time outdoors, both of which are very pleasurable.

So perhaps like you I'm also trying to figure out what's important now, what can I do that's engaging and affordable, and also how to simply enjoy goofing off with no guilt. I'm starting to learn these ideas and the change in perspective take practice.

PS Wanted to add that I found Aunt Bea's comment about volunteering true too. I've contacted four places so far but am aghast at their attitudes toward their volunteers.


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## Dennis K (Sep 17, 2016)

I wonder if people like us are in the minority. I am sure you have worked with many people who bring up retirement every day because they think it will be an end to all of what they perceive to be negatives in their lives. But sadly I see many of these people retire who are not financially or mentally ready. If a person really thinks about it and does a little research they will find that retirement can't be something to do just because you feel you have no other choices. I am lucky that I have been able to do many things that some people talk about doing in retirement, while at the same time prepare so I will not have to change my lifestyle very much when I do retire. And that is why  my questions focus more on the mental side than financial side. Thanks for the very good and thoughtful insight to my question. Now I know I am not alone in my thinking. During all of my working life, I would have to say this is the first time I have begun talking to others about retirement.  I was forever preparing for it, but never dwelling on it.


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## Manatee (Sep 17, 2016)

I didn't retire, I escaped.

Working takes up too much of your time.


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## Wren (Sep 18, 2016)

HI Dennis, retirement is wonderful with every day being a 'blank canvas',  I wake up naturally, not by the ringing of an alarm clock, with none of the restrictions of work, I then plan my day depending on the weather doing whatever I like, meet up with friends, go for long walks, or stay home and paint, having taken my interest in art to a more serious level (which I didn't have time to do when I worked) it's like one long holiday

I also do a few hours voluntary work, which caters for all interests from the local zoo to Heritage Sites and charity work,  as well as run of the mill stuff like cooking, cleaning, shopping, decorating and maintaining the home, the time flies by !

If you feel it will be too much of an adjustment could you not go for semi retirement reducing your hours to part time ?

Good luck anyway, whatever you decide, enjoy your retirement


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## Capt Lightning (Sep 18, 2016)

I "retired"  at 56 and at first it was strange...  It took a while to realise that I was now my own boss, I could set my own agenda and do as I pleased.
My wife stopped work a few months after me and we decided to re-locate.  

Life has taken so many unexpected turns since then, and it's been great.  We're kept busy,  we've learned new skills and adopted a totally different lifestyle.  I'm 65 now so I'm properly retired, but still busy.  That's the thing - you've got to have things to keep you occupied whether it's work or leisure - keep busy.

On the negative side,  we did go into things a bit under-financed.  The bills still come in after the pay cheques stop, so be sure to have  enough to cover any unexpected expenses.


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## ronaldj (Sep 18, 2016)

going into year 7 of "retirement' have no problem most days finding something to keep busy.....live in an old house and have 12 grandchildren who live close. both need attention. as well I love to read and  write. money wise, we would be Ok, but took a two day job at the local hardware and loving it most of the time as well. I know, I know lots of people say why go back to work? well, I want ta' go where everyone knows my name......counter top therapy.


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## Pappy (Sep 18, 2016)

Been retired since 1999. Worked part-time for a few years and when I came down with shingles, three years ago, I decided to call it quits and relax for whatever time I have left on this earth. We are still able to live in Florida, in the winter, and summers on Oneida Lake in NY. Money is very tight, but we get by and enjoy what we have.


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## Wren (Sep 18, 2016)

Just a thought Dennis, have a look in  Word Games at the latest  'Bakers Dozen' ...:laugh:


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## Carla (Sep 18, 2016)

Maybe you're not quite ready to retire? There are many people that continue working into their seventies and are fortunate to be in good health and able to do it. You can always find part time work which seems like a good compromise for some. I retired early, back in 2005 but for me, it was the right thing to do and I have no regrets. I guess what you have to decide is if what you are feeling has real merit or is it overthinking things, afraid you may regret it? I think some people's lives are centered around their jobs--it's part of who they are or maybe think they are. I can understand that. I know some people relate it to getting old and even feeling useless after working a demanding career.  But, there is more to life than working all the time for someone else, now your time is your own and you can do things at a more relaxed pace. There is more time for interaction with family or friends. You can take on projects at home. You can plan a trip for whenever you want. Go fishing or play golf. Whatever activity you chose, but do stay active! I really don't know of any people that decide they hate retirement, it is an adjustment for some but I think after a few months, you'll decide how to proceed. Like every other big step we have taken in life, it can be rewarding. You may have more money staying working, but remember, we can't buy time!


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## tnthomas (Sep 18, 2016)

Aunt Bea said:


> It wasn't just the loss of activity it was the loss of purpose, power, identity and the whole work community of friends and associates.



That's the biggie, the main challenge.   I had to go back to work, I missed my identity,_ doing-what-I-do_.


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## Manatee (Sep 18, 2016)

The difference is that now you do things because you want to, not because you _have_ to.  There many opportunities out there for volunteers if you need to be busy.


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## Don M. (Sep 18, 2016)

I retired about 15 years ago, and the first few months were ok...we took some trips, and fixed up some stuff around the house, but once that was done, it seemed like there was a "void".  I certainly didn't want to fall into the trap of sitting around in front of the TV all day, and watching my health deteriorate.  So, we decided to move to the country, and that has worked out well.  There is an endless array of outside chores to do to keep the big yard shaped up, and we have a big garden in the Summer.  I put in a wood furnace, and spend quite a bit of time going through the woods harvesting the dead/downed trees, and that physical activity keep me pretty fit.  We have great neighbors, but plenty of privacy on our 40 acres.  We visit the city and the kids, and the casinos, about once a month, and take a full day about once a week to do the shopping, etc.  I had a great job, but after all this time, I wouldn't want to go back to work for twice what I was being paid.


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## Butterfly (Sep 19, 2016)

tnthomas said:


> That's the biggie, the main challenge.   I had to go back to work, I missed my identity,_ doing-what-I-do_.



I've struggled with this also, tnthomas.  I wouldn't go back to the 50-60 hour weeks, and the high-stress work environment, or my last toxic boss, for anything.  But I do miss the work (legal stuff) and the community of colleagues and the mental challenge (a lot of my work was what's-wrong-with-this-picture and how-can-we-fix-this type stuff).  I've been thinking about looking for a part time job doing overflow work or something.  I tried looking at volunteer work, but couldn't find anything that interested me or that was reasonable or anything I really wanted to do.  And, as someone said above, a lot of it is junk work anyway and if I'm going to do something I don't like doing, I sure want to be paid for it.

I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up, I guess.


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## Ray (Sep 21, 2016)

It is important to understand and accept that the whole world is exactly the same - your place in it has changed. 

In the late sixties I visited an aunt and uncle in a place called Leisure Village in NJ. It was a retirement village. When I saw how smoothly my aunt and uncle had transitioned into their new lives and how much they were enjoying it I saw my future. I retired in the mid-90s. It took a year to sell the condo but then we immediately packed up and headed for a retirment community in FL - and never regretted the decision.

I had no idea what I was going to do but I knew it had to be more than "not go to work". I kept my eyes and my options open, tried anything that came along and kept what I liked and discarded that which I didn't. Eventually I evolved into a totally fulfilling lifestyle doing stuff I'd never done before and, obviously, with people I had not met before.

The advantage of a retirement community is that you don't stand at your door in the morning and watch all your friends and neighbors heading off to work while you wonder what you are going to do. Here, there are many, many people all with the time to do "whatever" for you to interact with. My theory is - the bigger the population the better. That way there is more possibility of finding like minded folks.


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## croman (Sep 21, 2016)

I really love your first sentence:  It is important to understand and accept that the whole world is exactly the same - your place in it has changed.  Can I have your permission to use it in one of my upcoming blog posts?  (cindysmindfulretirement.wordpress.com)
I was so addicted to achievement and success in my career life that everything else was secondary - health, family, spiritual life.  About 2 years ago I attended a training class where we did a lot of introspection.  I came to the realization that all is impermanent and temporary.  We are NOT what we do.  Right then and there I decided that my "goal" in retirement was to live a more mindful life that focuses on who and what I am in each present moment.  Now, I'm retired and being that kind of person.  I volunteer with organizations that fit my new identity and I'm in two book clubs.  I love blogging about my retirement experiences and it helps me with my personal growth.  Retirement is totally liberating for me!


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## Ray (Sep 21, 2016)

croman - permission granted, I am flattered.


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## Victor (Sep 26, 2016)

This is my second year of retirements, the first year was God awful with deaths and estate work
to work with. Worst year of my life, This year is easier going...I read more books, go on the computer
more on forums like this but I have very little social life, sadly. I have tried joining clubs--that did not
work and tried online dating years ago. The library is a good place to go and hang out.

I HATE people telling me volunteer work. I was underpaid while I worked and so I do not want
to work for nothing--unless I really enjoy it and learn something. I am not going to be supervised
by someone half my age who knows no more than I do or less! Volunteer work is an unpaid job. If I give
advice and information in these online forums--isn't that sort of a volunteer job though?

Although I live near a large city with numerous choices, I am still bored sometimes.


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## tnthomas (Sep 26, 2016)

Victor said:


> This is my second year of retirements, the first year was God awful with deaths and estate work
> to work with. Worst year of my life, This year is easier going...I read more books, go on the computer
> more on forums like this but I have very little social life, sadly. I have tried joining clubs--that did not
> work and tried online dating years ago. The library is a good place to go and hang out.
> ...



I hear ya, although I have thought maybe working with disabled veterans would be something I would be comfortable with.


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## croman (Sep 26, 2016)

I had a similar experience.  Both of my parents died during my first year of retirement - worst year of my life too.  I'm wondering if there is a book club in your area since you enjoy reading.  They are a great place to "socialize" about something you enjoy. My library sponsors book clubs on various topics and it's a "no pressure" environment.  
BTW, I tried online dating and ended up marrying one of the terrific men I met.  Don't give up!


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## bluebreezes (Sep 26, 2016)

Victor said:


> I HATE people telling me volunteer work. I was underpaid while I worked and so I do not want
> to work for nothing--unless I really enjoy it and learn something. I am not going to be supervised
> by someone half my age who knows no more than I do or less! Volunteer work is an unpaid job.



Boy, do I agree with this, Victor. Over the past year I've looked high and low for a volunteer gig that I could feel comfortable with and only found "jobs" that mirrored exactly what I was escaping from in the working world. No thanks.

Finally, last week I found my holy grail volunteer gig and it was staring me in the face all this time (cue the sound of slapping my forehead). I regularly walk preserved land trails, for which there are a few locally. While out in the woods, the light finally went on. The group that manages the trails is looking for volunteer land stewards, people to walk the trails regularly and keep an eye on things, so I signed up. I can be myself, do it on my own schedule, and it's something I care deeply about. 

So somewhere along the path of what you enjoy doing, there will be something for you and it will be comfortable and make you feel good to give your time. There's way too many awful "opportunities" to wade through though, aren't there?


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## maggiemae (Sep 26, 2016)

I retired April 29th of this year.  I had been thinking about it for atleast a year.  My husband retired last year after a light stroke.  The first few weeks were like I was on vacation and it had not really hit me that I was not going back to work.  Sometimes I get a melancholy feeling that says "this is what it is?".  But I love not getting up at 5:00 AM and fighting traffic for an hour to get to work and doing it all over again in the afternoons.  So I have a list of projects I want to get done and trying to get into a more relaxed routine. It is not an easy transition for everyone.


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## rose2444 (Sep 28, 2016)

I retired 4 years ago after working for 45 years and most of that time 50-60 hours a week and I started planning about a year before I knew I was going to retire. First by moving to a senior community where would have people and activities around me to get involved in if I wanted to. Now the first year was a shock as I felt like a duck out of water. I discovered as most of us do that during those work year we lost ourselves. So my first year was doing some soul searching. I was and am still healthy and active and so I joined a gym plus I got a dog that would ensure no matter what the weather we walk in my community. I love to read in the winter months so do more now then before. I also had the privilege of keeping my granddaughter 2 days a week the first two years which was wonderful. I completely landscaped my front and back yard, painted my shed, and mobile home inside and out. I did all of this kind of like a crazy woman who couldn't be still. As it took me some time to learn to slow down and relax. Going into my 5th year I am happier then I ever have been. I relax, I do the hobbies I enjoy, I walk my dog 2-3 x a day, I visit with my neighbors. Invited one over to share dinner with me the other night. And I bake a lot and share with a couple 14 years old than I and in their mid 80's who I dearly love and share my desserts with them about once a week and go and visit for a few hours once a week. I volunteer as an online mentor, and I play computer games. Life is good, but do some thinking and planning about how you envision a satisfying retirement and embrace it with excitement as you move into our final act. I too did not dream of my retirement, as I loved my career I was an RN and for me it was a calling. But realized it was time and I am really happy that I did and I chose to discover myself and the things that now bring me joy and contentment. My prayers and thoughts are with you and i do hope you retired and find yourself as happy as I have. Stay healthy as long as you can as well.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Sep 29, 2016)

Manatee said:


> I didn't retire, I escaped.
> 
> Working takes up too much of your time.



Not to mention that it interferes with the things you *want* to do!


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## rose2444 (Sep 29, 2016)

*thoughts on volunteering*



tnthomas said:


> I hear ya, although I have thought maybe working with disabled veterans would be something I would be comfortable with.



It is not for everyone, but for me I love being an online mentor helping others answer some life challenges. We have grown some wisdom along the way that can be of benefit to those struggling with things we found answers too


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## Vedaarya (Oct 20, 2016)

I'm happy about being a pensioner. At last, I have time for all the things I had always wanted to do, but never was able to do because of lack of time. I want to keep fit both mentally and physically and with hope look to the future.


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## phonam (Oct 22, 2016)

Manatee said:


> I didn't retire, I escaped.
> 
> Working takes up too much of your time.


 I like your quote. I'm working 39 years straight for 1 company and now I need to escape it.


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