# Depression  how to handle the days it's bad, and therapist advice



## Just plain me (Sep 29, 2014)

I am in the the midst of a depressive episode. Friday I had a wonderful day, Saturday was blah, and then Sunday I couldn't stand myself or anyone else. Everything was bad. Today I tried to post and yet every post comes out negative.

     Drs. have given me medication and it all seems to have terrible side effects, nightmares, sucidial thoughts, and extreme anger. The one I am on now makes me sleep 8 hours in a row + a couple in the day, but doesn't seem to touch my depressive nature. My thing is can talking to a therapist at 70 change any thing?

     It starts in Sept., the month my daughter of 34 was diagnosed with cancer, and hangs on pretty consistantly (especially holidays) until after the 25th of March when she changed her address to Heaven. This was not the start of the depression but has certainly made it worse. 
    I have a light for sunlight deficency. 
    I wish to be happy and not so sorry for myself. I want to laugh, joke, sing. Anyone else been here or have any advice?


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## SeaBreeze (Sep 29, 2014)

So sad to hear that you lost your daughter to cancer, my sincere condolences. :rose:  I'm sorry you're so depressed, but I think it's a very good thing to talk about it, and I admire you for doing so.

Anti-depressant meds can have bad side effects, I've never been on them myself, but have had close family and friends who have taken them, along with therapy.  It's good that you have a light for depression, but honestly, the best light is natural sun, if you can manage to get outdoors on a daily basis.

I'm a big fan of natural supplements and there are a few that have positive result for those feeling down.  Vitamin D3 is one of them, especially if you're not getting enough natural sunlight.  The brand I use daily is Natural Factors, they're softgels and 2,000 IUs each.

Another good vitamin is C (ascorbic acid), I take Nature's Way 1,000mg with bioflavonoids.  Lastly is a good quality Omega 3 fish oil.  I use NOW brand liquid, lemon-flavored, it's the natural recommended triglyceride form. A vitamin B-50 complex is good to take daily, I'm using Solgar brand.  As with any supplements, check with your doctor first to be on the safe side.

It might sound silly, but the colors that you wear and that surround you can also improve a depressed mood.  Buy a couple of brightly colored shirts, put some cheery knickknacks around the house, buy yourself a new little houseplant or two.

The only other thing I can suggest is getting out and about, in fun places and around positive people.  It always helps to keep busy, and maybe volunteer somewhere if you're in good enough health and can get around easily.

There's a lot of good caring folks here to talk to every day, and positive posts about fun or beautiful things to read that will help.  Sending love and hugs your way. :love_heart:


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## Ina (Sep 29, 2014)

Just Plain Me, Seabreeze has good advice. Time, and your wanting to get better, are your the best medicine.  Being in a place to take your mind off the continuous pull of your depression will help.  You might not feel like putting up with cheerful people, but it is helpful with depression. It's sort of like when you see a lot of scary movies, and you become paranoid.  Well being around good uplifting people can help you start your healing process.  It takes awhile coming out of depression, just as it took you awhile to become depressed. :bighug:


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## chic (Sep 30, 2014)

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear daughter. Small wonder you get depressed on the anniversary of her diagnosis. My condolences. 70 is not too old to talk it out with a therapist. 

When my senior mother had depression issues a couple of years ago her physician placed her seratonin reuptake inhibitors. They take a few weeks to work but her depression did fade away and now she's happy and outgoing and involved in life again and has not been troubled since with depression, thankfully.

I hope you get through this okay. At least you've got this place to rant in.


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## Just plain me (Sep 30, 2014)

Thanks to all for the encouraging replies! I got up this morning hoping this would be a better day and your replies have been a godsend. I will take them all seriously and try them.
 I do tend to hide away as much as possible, it takes all I can do to get up and get dressed some mornings. I do my housework, which doesn't take long, at least the basics.
    My Dr. had started me on a series of new B/P meds and the anti-depressant then had to take off for medical leave. So can't see him until November. And the only Drs they have on call now are Urgent Care. Which is useless, except for ER conditions. 

      I have tried to find friends who have time to go out for lunch or shopping when I feel up to it, but so far to no avail. I live so far away from sisters, brothers, cousins, neices and nephews which everyone else in this small town seems to have.

    My children love me and are there in a minutes notice if I go to the hospital etc but otherwise tend to live their own lives. Their children are old enough they don't need a babysitter anymore and are to busy with their own friends to want to spend any time around here since we do not have xbox etc.  This is the first time since I was 21 I haven't had kids around. 

     My daughter who lives 45 miles away gets my granddaughter every other weekend and she makes time to spend a couple of hours with us and has lunch with us when she comes to town to bring home my granddaughter. She is a real joy always seeing that we have what we need. She has no children, not by choice. It is not that I love her more than them, it is just she makes time for us in her life on a regular basis. Calling and texting in between visits. 

      Church is where i have lots of friends, but unfortunatly that is the only time I seem to see them. Again no time. Maybe I am just lousy company but when I don't go my husband says they all ask where I am. My husband is the silent type. A workalcoholic, always some project or playing golf. Never carries on a serious conversation, even with me. And when he comes in it is Netflix, TV or the computer. Good man however and very, very seldom in a bad mood. Just forever occupied. 
     Thanks for reading this rant! Write often I need all the encouragment I can get! God bless and again thanks for being here!


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## Vivjen (Sep 30, 2014)

I wish you all the best...
don't forget, any anti-depressant can take up to 6 weeks to work, and it can take an age to find one that suits.
talking therapy can be very helpful; you can say things to a stranger that you often can't to friends/family...provided you trust the therapist..
winter is always worse...
i joined a yoga class, and an indoor bowls club...is there anything around that you fancy, knitting club? Choir at church?

And as for sleeping...if you would donate a few hours, I would be forever grateful..
now rant away..


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## rt3 (Sep 30, 2014)

most blood pressure meds, especially beta-blockers will cause depression all by themselves. If you are not on thyroid find a hormone doctor, and get on t3. Take all the natural supplements you can, especially 5-HTP and melatonin in as high a dose as you can tolerate. (back off when you have a headache the next day from the melatonin). The largest store of serotonin your body has is your gut. Unfortunately, the anti-depressant you will probably be given (an SSRI will change the connection levels in your brain with the first dose) will not solve the basic absorption from the gut. Find a good pro-biotic.


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## ClassicRockr (Sep 30, 2014)

Just plain me......sorry to hear about your loss and the depression you have. To let you know, my wife lost her son to cancer when he was 15 years old and lost a daughter to crib-death also. These were the only two kids she ever had. I didn't know her at the time both of these losses happened, but today she is doing fine. Her sons birthday was yesterday and she lite a candle in our living room in remembrance of him. She didn't cry or anything and I was proud of her that she didn't. She has cried before while thinking about him, etc and I was there for her and showed her comfort. Per her request, we have no pictures of her son out in the open to see; only in storage boxes. Her mom died a couple of years ago and we only have one picture of her hanging up and it's above a door in our dining area. 

I feel as if me being with my wife helps her a lot, not to forget her son and daughter, but to be able to cope with the loss much better than if I wasn't with her.


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## Just plain me (Sep 30, 2014)

Vivian, choir at church made me laugh. You should hear my singing voice and you would run! I needed the laugh tho and I love your thoughtful suggestions.  You can gladly have my daytime sleeping hours but not the nighttime. First time I have slept 8 hours straight since I was 21. I have been thinking of volunteering at "The House of Hope" when I get so I feel like I can be around people. Maybe the hospital. These were my thoughts before the depression hit like a freight train.


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## Just plain me (Sep 30, 2014)

rt3 I just wrote a rather wordy reply and forgot to post it. To make a long story short I had a abdominal angiogram about a  month ago and have some problems with blockage and partial blockage with the arteries in my abdomen. Could this affect my serotonin levels?


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## Just plain me (Sep 30, 2014)

ClassicRockr sorry to hear about your wife's loss. I can only imagine the pain. I keep my daughter's pictures out (just my way of handling it). My husband and I speak of her especially on her birthday and Christmas her favorite holiday and on the anniversary of her death. He told me once he tells her picture goodnight every night (it has been 8 years). Her kids were 5 and 10. So we have part of her with us. For that I am forever thankful. The 18 now is mad at the world ( and that is scary since he is now considered a man and as he says "No one can telll him what to do."). The 14 year old girl is a real joy and the pride of our heart. Court order said their Dad could raise them & all I can say is he did his best within his capablities. I am glad you are there for her. I am sure it helps. But crying is good, the years wear on but the pain remains. The hole in your heart never goes away. You just live with it and are thankful that Jesus died and arose and we know where they are and will see them soon. Sorry did not mean to sermonize, but that beleif is what holds me together.


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## ClassicRockr (Oct 1, 2014)

Wife likes it a lot when I call him "our son". She has told me that he would have loved everything that we like to do. Due to physical limitations, I can't bowl anymore, and she really never did, but we watch the PBA Tour sometimes and he really liked bowling. Him and his mother/my wife, went to a few Championships when he was alive. He was so much into bowling, he knew some of the members of the PBA Tour back then! He would have been 51 this year. She had him at age 17. I think he would have loved bowling in our Wii Game. 

Wife told me last night, after telling her about my reply to your Thread, "if there were pictures of Chuck hanging up, I'd be crying every day!" As for me, I really wish I could have met him, and held her daughter, but wife and I know that we will see both of them in Heaven.


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## rt3 (Oct 1, 2014)

plain me.  obstructions caused by basic anatomical changes in the blood flow as well as old mucosa build up along with the change in micro flora are the main reasons 90% of the population have serotonin absorption problems. (book by Junger if your interested). Change of diet and juicing will do wonders in changing your depression. This absorption problem also affects thyroid absorption in the ileum and lower intestinal tract, requiring more than even a normal person is getting. The intestinal tract is the largest muscle in your body and needs large amounts of oxygen, which is why breathing exercises and walking work so well for digestion, and depression


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## QuickSilver (Oct 3, 2014)

Not all depression is equal...  Some are situational...brought on by a specific situation or life altering event..  AND some depression has no trigger, but is a chemical imbalance in the brain.   Your therapist is the one to determine what if any medication best suits you.    When my husband died, I took Paxil for a short time.. and eventually was weaned off..  that was 14 years ago.  I have not taken medication since.   I, like anyone have "blue" days... and "angry" days.. I have found that the B vitamins help my outlook.  I have taken to calling them my Happy Pills... because I can tell the difference when I do not take them for awhile..


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## rt3 (Oct 3, 2014)

HAP-PEY
HAP-PEY
HAP-PEY

just what does that word mean?


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## QuickSilver (Oct 3, 2014)

rt3 said:


> HAP-PEY
> HAP-PEY
> HAP-PEY
> 
> just what does that word mean?



Not sad??


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## Warrigal (Oct 3, 2014)

I know that depression is very debilitating because my husband suffered from anxiety and depression for about 10 years and was supported all that time by medical help but eventually it just lifted like a fog evaporating in the sun. I hope that happens for you too, Just Plain Me. There is a website I can offer that might be the source of some practical advice to help you cope.

http://www.beyondblue.org.au/


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## Just plain me (Oct 3, 2014)

rt3-Happy to me means content and peace of mind. If I misspelled it is because my keyboard sticks. You get what you pay for I guess and I bought a cheap one at WalMart. So I guess I got what I paid for. 
     When the depression lifts I can handle lifes everyday challenges. When it hits I am angry, negative and blue. Cry alot and want nothing more than to stay in bed and away from people.  And extremely tired.
        Qucik Silver  I appreciate each suggestion. If only it were a day. Sometimes it last a day, sometimes a week and sometimes several months in a row. My Dr. is on medical leave till November and left no notes concerning me seeing a therapist. So I either have to contact the only one in town that anyone recommends or wait until my Cardiologist gets back and sets me up an appointment  The therapist is semi-retired and I am not sure he will see me without a recommendation. Wish I could find a Christian therapist but they are few and far between. This one may be but I haven't heard yea or nay concerning this. I do know the people who see him say he is really good. I guess I will find out. The trouble is when I need them I do not have an appointment and by the time I get an appointment seems I am stable for the moment.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Oct 3, 2014)

Along with all the other suggestions, exercise helps. Take yourself for a walk, even if you don't want to. Go. Move around. Maybe even get yourself a pedometer and keep track of how far you go.


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## Warrigal (Oct 3, 2014)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> Along with all the other suggestions, exercise helps. Take yourself for a walk, even if you don't want to. Go. Move around. Maybe even get yourself a pedometer and keep track of how far you go.



This is one of the recommendations of the Beyond Blue organisation. When you are feeling depressed try to take stock and ask yourself "have I been getting out for regular walks?" Aim to make walking a regular part of your routine.  

Do you have a dog? If not, are you in a position to have one? Caring for something that needs you can be very therapeutic.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Oct 3, 2014)

Has anybody mentioned B complex vitamins? They help, too.


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## charlotta (Oct 3, 2014)

I have taken serotonin for about 7 years. My internist told me then that I needed it because our bodies don't make enough as we age.  I am not depressed but have problems with sleeping.  My sleep doc told me that I have a connection in the brain that doesn't shut off when it should so that is why I have the sleep problem.  This was denoted when I went to the sleep clinic. Bc of the meds I take, I have to be careful of supplements.  
I go to yoga twice a wk  and boot camp twice a week. I stay so busy bc I hate house work.


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## charlotta (Oct 3, 2014)

I have taken serotonin for about 7 years. My internist told me then that I needed it because our bodies don't make enough as we age.  I am not depressed but have problems with sleeping.  My sleep doc told me that I have a connection in the brain that doesn't shut off when it should so that is why I have the sleep problem.  This was denoted when I went to the sleep clinic. Bc of the meds I take, I have to be careful of supplements.  
I go to yoga twice a wk  and boot camp twice a week. I stay so busy so I don't have time to do house work -which I hate.


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## Lady (Oct 3, 2014)

Hi Just Plain Me ,I've had a quick read of this thread and see each member has put  good advice forward. I was going to add ,get a dog to love and care for but i see its just been said ,So all i can say is i know what its like to have depression I've suffered with it all my life ,and have been on anti depressants for the past Ten year or so after i just wanted out of this life .it was a struggle at first to find what meds suited me and some did make me feel worse ,but i got there in the end.I try to keep my mind occupied as much as possible thats whats helped me the most ,concentrating on other things rather than myself got me motivated .So try and find something to focus on .plan what you are doing so you keep a rhythm going and don't slip back into a empty void.
Best of luck to you ,


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## Just plain me (Oct 6, 2014)

Well sometimes life is just the pits. After getting my nerve up and being tired of this depression bs I called the therapist that has been so hotly tooted about in this town. Guess what? He doesn't accept Medicare patients so I guess when we are old we are supposed to curl up and deal with what life hands us. Sorry having a blue, negative day. But first time I have ran into anyone who does not accept Medicare? Is everyone supposed to be rich? or young?


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## Vivjen (Oct 6, 2014)

Rich and young, I suspect.....

Don't give up; you have tried...a good first step.
maybe he wasn't good for you personally anyway; it is no good everybody saying he is wonderful if he doesn't suit you; remember, try before you buy.....

Now is not a good time of year for setbacks; so look forward to something happening soon, even if only a coffee out, people-watching for a bit.
count the number of couples not talking to each other....always fun.
deep breath, sleep well; tomorrow is another day....and remember, you can always winge on here.


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## Just plain me (Oct 6, 2014)

Vivan I would have to count us if I counted the couples not talking to each other. HA! Not mad at each other, just nothing to say to each other.  I post alot on here because at least people have something to say. . 

I called another who the receptionist said she thought took Medicare but she didn't call back. I told her my reasons for wanting an appt.,my age, and my insurance was Medicare., and my phone number.  She schedules her own appts. Either she isn't interested, or hasn't checked her messages yet. Either way she is my only hope in this town. 

I have tried two more at lower clinics and after one visit decided they weren't for me. One wanted to diagnose me and give me medication that day because "I was smart", she worked mostly with children. My second visit she kept me waiting and hour while she walked in and out of the front office, so I knew she was not busy with another client. I ended up walking out. The other had never been married, was a man and had no background except for military. I know what you mean by try before you buy. This was three years ago. 

I stay away from most of my friends when I am in this mood. Most love the happy, smiling me but can't handle the me who is depressed. Thanks for caring!  Hoping tomorrow is a better day! At least I got a few things done today. Like some wash, and dishes. On a good day I can clean this house in 2-3 hours.


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## Just plain me (Oct 7, 2014)

Great news! Therapist called back. I have an appt. Now let's just hope she is one I can talk to!


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## charlotta (Oct 7, 2014)

I know this is a difficult process.  Keep trying.  I was in a bad marriage.  I had two children by the then husband.  He was unapproachable.  I was so lonely.  I had taught school until I had the two children.  When my youngest was 3, I got back into teaching and started divorce proceedings.  I not saying this is for you, but I know being married to someone who cares nothing about sharing was not the way for me. I'm not saying this is right for you.  Is your husband interested in working on your marriage?  Mine wasn't.  He wouldn't go to counseling with me and blamed it all on me. He would promise to go, but when the time came, he refused.  I should add that he was also physically and verbally abusive. Have you tried a marriage
counselor affiliated with a church?  I went to one, alone, and he said "why would you stay with him"?  

This may be way off base for you and not help you at all.  I am just saying I was in your shoes with depression and realized how lonely I felt.


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## Just plain me (Oct 8, 2014)

Thanks Charlotta but no too late. I am 70 he is 69. He has heart problems ( had his open heart surgery at 44 and H/A at 49) and will tell anyone without me around to make him rest and go to the Dr. he would be dead.
We go to church everyone loves him. He smiles, jokes and never gets involved in anyone else's problems. Does not remember what they say to him 5minutes later because it doesn't interest him. But they don't know that. Pastor is a good buddy of his (golfing).  I have said more on this thread than ever before. Therefore a therapist may be helpful so I want vent so much. The good thing is I am annomious. But I really enjoy the people here.


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## Vivjen (Oct 8, 2014)

It strikes me; Just plain me; that if you find someone to vent at, you will start smiling again; though I may be wrong...
hope this therapist is one you can talk to; otherwise you will have to use us all the time!

I am sorry; I live on my own, and have developed these tactics over the years; so I enjoy watching people who don't talk; and those that do; if I can 'earwig'!

Keep venting; I moved a lot of dust yesterday....so, today; no chance!


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## Just plain me (Oct 8, 2014)

Vivjen I may be taking you wrong but I do smile alot and enjoy posting. It seems to me that the great thing about these post is that if you don't like mine you can always skip over it and read something you do like or watch TV. We are all different and everyone of us are individuals. You do things your way and I will handle mine my way!


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## Vivjen (Oct 8, 2014)

Only gently joking, just plain me; keep venting, and keep smiling.

I love your posts; keep 'em coming...


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## Meanderer (Oct 8, 2014)

Sounds like you have a good marriage.  One of the jobs in any marriage is to keep each other from being dead.  Good luck with your therapist!


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## Just plain me (Oct 8, 2014)

Sorry Vivjan guess I just took you wrong! One of the things with this depression. Meanderer you always make me smile. I bet you would be a real conversalist in person!


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## charlotta (Oct 8, 2014)

I understand where you are. Do you have a long time friend that you could reconnect with?  I am saying that bc you need to have a confidant that is not connected with your husband and church.  There are other women in your shoes, as you already know.  I may be assuming too much, but this is what I would do.  I have a friend that is in your shoes.  She and I have been friends for 50 yrs.  Her husband is not in good health and has a terrible temper.  We don't live in the same town.  When she needs to she will call and we will take a small trip, or she will come to visit. I don't have all the answers, but you need to go out of town, visit with family and friends.  My thoughts and prayers are with you. The best thing you can do for yourself is to find a friend to reach out to.


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## Just plain me (Oct 9, 2014)

Charlotta I have one long time friend. She is long time divorcea and she and I connect about once a year. She sends me birthday cards but if there is calling it is me. She is always busy with her own life. That is what I have found with most women. They have a schedule that doesn't include extra time it is always filled with busyiness. I have some friends here but they are the same. They have sisters and brothers and cousins to vist. No time for a coke or lunch out. Maybe I am bad company? 

I went home for the first time in 4 years just a few weeks ago and my husband insisted on coming home after two days.  He is a workalcholic and we like to sit and talk. I was having a wonderful time but he did not shower or shave while he was there "I haven't done anything to get dirty". Because of his passing out spells I am afraid to leave him overnight because he might fall and hit his head and no one would be here to find him. My daughter keeps telling me "What is going to happen is going to happen whether your there or not.

 He doesn't worry about you when he plays golf for 4-5 hours." She is right I am sure but I would feel bad if he had a H/A and no one was with him. Many years ago when he had a H/A I was at the beauty shop and I walked in and looked at him and said "What's wrong?" His answer was "I have been having chest pains going down my arm for 30 minutes". My reply "Why didn't you call an ambulance" was met with "I knew you would be home and you would take care of me.". Since then I have been scared to be gone long. The last Dr. told him his next H/A would be major and he would have 2 minutes to get to the hospital." I guess you could say I have lived in fear since. Even though it has been 9 years. He on the other hand hasn't enjoys his life, eats what he wants and does what he wants. I had a H/A 6 years ago and if I say I have chest pains. He doesn't respond except to ask me 30 minutes or so later if they have gone. He always says I will go with you to the hospital anytime you are ready to go.

 I do love him, I am just so irritated at times because he has a life and I don't seem to be able to make friends, because they want to go out to dinner together as couples and such, but he doesn't like to do couple things, and I find that on here I have said more than I have ever said to anyone personally. I did share once with someone some of our history and they broke my trust so some real issues I share with no one. So I am hoping the therapist can help. Thanks for your response I appreciate any and all suggestions.


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## Vivjen (Oct 9, 2014)

JPM, I know you love him....but don't let him rule your life...
your daughter is right; what will happen, will happen, whether you are there or not.
what would happen if he was taken ill on the golf course?

Come out for a quick coffee with me; I have plenty of time..


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## Just plain me (Oct 9, 2014)

Vivjen be right there! wherever there is? Wish you were next door!


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## Meanderer (Oct 9, 2014)




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## Just plain me (Oct 9, 2014)

Meanderer, I knew I made a mistake! Now I know! I should have chose a dog. Can you put husbands in kennels when you would like to escape for a week or two?


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## Meanderer (Oct 9, 2014)

Just plain me said:


> Meanderer, I knew I made a mistake! Now I know! I should have chose a dog. Can you put husbands in kennels when you would like to escape for a week or two?


Sure can! 

View attachment 10355

View attachment 10356


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## GeorgiaXplant (Oct 9, 2014)

JPM, it's time to start living the rest of your life. Go where you want to go, do what you want to do, whether he wants to join you or not. So there! You are as entitled to enjoy life as much as he is, so do. Geez, if you assume room temperature before he does, do you think his life will change any? Well, except that instead of waiting for you to take care of him, he'd call 911. 

Yup. A therapist is in order. And a dog.

Gramma has spoken.


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## Just plain me (Oct 13, 2014)

Wanted to thank everyone one last time for your support and advice. Had my first visit with my therapist today. Really like her. Easy to talk to. So if I groan and complain I will try to make it to her on my next visit and give your ears a rest. You all were a real life saver. Your probably the best therapist around.


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## Georgia Lady (Dec 14, 2014)

I have been taking Wellbutrin for four years and it works pretty well for me. I would never get out of bed every day if I didn't have it.  It helped me immensely when my husband was terminal with cancer. I still get depressed at times, but reading and watching T V helps.


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## Butterfly (Dec 17, 2014)

Georgia Lady said:


> I have been taking Wellbutrin for four years and it works pretty well for me. I would never get out of bed every day if I didn't have it.  It helped me immensely when my husband was terminal with cancer. I still get depressed at times, but reading and watching T V helps.



Have you had any problems with the Wellbutrin?  What I've been taking doesn't (escitalopram)work as well as it used to.  Wellbutrin was suggested to me once, but I'm kind of leery of it because of the reported seizures as a side effect.


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