# My daughter wants to go to Cali for a week



## WheatenLover (Oct 25, 2021)

My daughter, who lives with me during my (hopeful) recovery, asked me how I felt about her going to California for Christmas, for a week. I told her it was fine with me, especially because she misses two of her brothers very much. The boys won't come here for Christmas. One of them made his first solo trip on a plane when he moved to CA. He is autistic and while he handled it beautifully, he had to have been very anxious. He is not ready to repeat that experience because he hates being in unfamiliar places, doing things for the first few times alone, and being in crowds. The other one wants to spend Christmas with his boyfriend and their family.

I've been thinking about this, though. I am worried about taking care of the dog. I can take him outside once in awhile to do his business (very quickly -- he obeys the potty command). What worries me is (1) a rabbit, squirrel, cat, dog, or deer may come into the yard and then Aidan would be uncontrollable. I am very weak and he has always been stronger than I am. (He is very strong.)

So I would have to take the dog out a lot, and I am worried about him getting away from me.

I am not worried about taking care of myself. I am sure my husband will want to spend Christmas with me, even though I doubt I'll be able to cook Christmas dinner -- we'll have to arrange to order it. My husband can barely walk - his stride is about 1", after having several strokes. So he can't take care of the dog while our daughter is gone. My friends are also out - the ones I would ask, well one has 5 dogs already living in a small house, and one doesn't like dogs and won't even allow his many cats into his home.

Should I ask my daughter to stay home because of our dog? I thought we could hire a dog walker (if there are any here) to come a few times a day, so Aidan could get some exercise. But I don't trust strangers to reliably believe how strong my dog is. He looks so cute and harmless, but they have no idea. A couple of years ago, I handled it by sitting on the ground when an animal came into the yard. He could actually pull my 120 lb. self along the ground, but not get anywhere very speedily. He wears a harness designed for dogs like him, so it didn't hurt him. The cat thing is because my neighbor's 10 cats used to come over and line up along the dog's fence and sit there staring at him. They did this, among other things, for fun. I wish I had a photo of that because it was astonishing.

He is not a traffic-savvy dog. He would chase the animal to wherever they went. If they stopped, he would stand in front of them play-bowing. He does that to lawnmowers, too. I'd turn off the lawnmower, and leave it sitting there for one of the boys to take to the shed. The dog would go out and play bow to the lawnmower he never did figure out that it wasn't alive.

Anyway, I am worried about him getting hit by a vehicle. What would you suggest. I need advice! Normally I don't try to keep my kids from living their lives.


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## Alligatorob (Oct 25, 2021)

Hire some help, if you can.  A professional service would be able to handle your dog, I am sure they have had worse.  Or maybe you could hire a neighborhood kid.  With a bit of training that would probably work.  When we leave home we always are able to find someone to take care of our pets, for a price, have found teenagers who need the $ to be good.

Best of luck with it!


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## sadie123 (Oct 25, 2021)

WheatonLover:  I suggest you get a ‘gentle leader’ for the dog.  I have a very strong dog and this device allows me to control her very easily.  I would get it now and train the dog to use it on walks so he gets used to it before your daughter leaves.  It is a nose harness that does not hurt the dog but I find it very useful.


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## SeaBreeze (Oct 25, 2021)

I agree with Alligatorob about a *professional* service, not so much a neighborhood kid who may not be able to control Aiden.  I would not advise you to deny your daughter a visit to California for the holiday just because of the dog, that would be unfair to her.  He may be feisty, but he is after all a Soft-Coated Wheaten Terrier, they are not huge and can be controlled by an adult who is used to handling dominant and lively dogs.

I forget, forgive me.  Do you have a fenced area that he can go out and potty on his own, or do you have to walk him on a leash to do so?  If you have a fenced area and it's just an issue of exercise, he can last for a week without your daughter taking him for long walks or hikes.


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## WheatenLover (Oct 25, 2021)

sadie123 said:


> WheatonLover:  I suggest you get a ‘gentle leader’ for the dog.  I have a very strong dog and this device allows me to control her very easily.  I would get it now and train the dog to use it on walks so he gets used to it before your daughter leaves.  It is a nose harness that does not hurt the dog but I find it very useful.


We have one. My daughter is going to train him on it. Hopefully that will work, because I am not strong enough to hold onto a leash when he captured by his high prey drive. Thank you for the suggestion!


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## WheatenLover (Oct 25, 2021)

SeaBreeze said:


> I agree with Alligatorob about a *professional* service, not so much a neighborhood kid who may not be able to control Aiden.  I would not advise you to deny your daughter a visit to California for the holiday just because of the dog, that would be unfair to her.  He may be feisty, but he is after all a Soft-Coated Wheaten Terrier, they are not huge and can be controlled by an adult who is used to handling dominant and lively dogs.
> 
> I forget, forgive me.  Do you have a fenced area that he can go out and potty on his own, or do you have to walk him on a leash to do so?  If you have a fenced area and it's just an issue of exercise, he can last for a week without your daughter taking him for long walks or hikes.


We have to walk him as there is no fenced area here, and I can't afford to have one put in. He is a oversized, 57 lb. dog.


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## SeaBreeze (Oct 25, 2021)

WheatenLover said:


> We have to walk him as there is no fenced area here, and I can't afford to have one put in. He is a oversized, 57 lb. dog.


That's unfortunate.  Seems the only option for you is to get a professional service in to walk him several times daily.  Is there a stronger harness device to control him that you can use?


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## Mrs. Robinson (Oct 25, 2021)

Is it possible to board him while she is gone? It`s very expensive in California,but I`ve noticed having moved here to Idaho that it`s about half the cost.


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## WheatenLover (Oct 25, 2021)

Now my daughter is thinking about taking Aidan on a plane as an emotional support dog. Great idea - not! He is not a trained service animal, and I don't like it when people try to pass off their pets as trained service animals.

I told her he will be difficult to handle on a plane or in an airport, because they will both be crowded, and Aidan will move heaven and earth to greet every person (or dog) he sees.

She said she would get tranquilizers from the vet. Don't like that either. To keep a dog like Aidan tranquilized is hard. He's had meds for that before, to keep him calm during gunshots, thunderstorms, and fireworks, and none of them had any discernible effect on him. The noise from the plane during takeoff and landing will cause him to be extremely afraid. He would have to be medicated to the asleep or practically asleep level -- to where he couldn't move on his own.

Also, this begs the question of how she will move a tranquilized dog who weighs 57 lbs through the airport when she is unlikely to get a nonstop flight, plus through LAX.

My daughter already knows that i will not allow Aidan to be transported on a plane as dogs usually are. That would really freak him out.

Also, just found out she is not going to be in Cali alone. Yes, she is visiting her brothers. Also, she will be sharing an AirBNB with 4 people she is friends with online. No way my dog is staying with a bunch of people my daughter doesn't even know. I'd say no way my daughter will, either, but she is an adult and I just hope everything goes well. 

She has visited people she's met online before. She invited one memorable guy to live with her. So he moved here from Cali. The thing is, he threatened to kill her (meaning it) and she had him put in a psych hospital for a couple of weeks. The guy was totally nuts. And yes, her brothers and I urged her not to do this for the very reason that came about. 

The kids all hid this from me until the guy moved back to Cali. Things involving violence have involved a few relatives and friends as victims of violence, and my husband I did a lot of things to make sure the victim was safe and the perp would not go after them again. In each situation, the victims would not contact the police. This sounds like we were vigilantes. Not so. We contacted sheriffs, district attorneys, police chiefs, and the heads the male perps worked for. 

I was tasked with contacting the perps themselves because I am really good at intimidating and scaring people while staying very calm. The more furious I am, the calmer I get. This was important because we do have a couple of vigilante types in the family and I didn't want family members to go to prison.


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## SeaBreeze (Oct 25, 2021)

Mrs. Robinson said:


> Is it possible to board him while she is gone? It`s very expensive in California,but I`ve noticed having moved here to Idaho that`s it`s about half the cost.


That's a good idea, I was also thinking if he's friendly with other dogs, a dog 'camp' that would keep him for the full week in areas enclosed with fencing.  I've never kenneled or had any of my pets in a doggie motel situation, I'd be a nervous nellie....but, if there was no alternative, I'd have to try it.

@WheatenLover, you're wise not to let him go with her, that is a very, very bad idea.  He probably would run into traffic at some point, and IMO, he'd be stressed and miserable.  He can't go everywhere with her....then what happens to him?  Bad idea.


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## WheatenLover (Oct 25, 2021)

The trouble is that Wheatens are extremely family oriented. Aidan has always (until Dec 2020) lived in a large-ish family of six people. He has been alone at home only 2-3 times in nearly 11 years, and that only for a couple of hours at a time. He is used to having tons of attention. He would be frantic or depressed if he were left alone in a kennel. He would like playing with other dogs, but when play tie was over, he would be despondent.

I am going to check out which options we have here. This is a small town of about 12,000 people. The surrounding areas are rural (mostly farms). I know the vet we used quit having boarding facilities when they expanded. I took him to a groomer once, who had a large boarding facility. I don't know if they are still in business.

No matter what, I will not leave him anywhere at which he does not get top-notch care. He has never been separated from me. If I go on a trip, which is always to Atlanta, he comes with me. Well, except for the time I was there for 5 months to take care of my mother during her final illness.
So, almost never, and almost always. He has never been boarded because I like to have my eyes on my dog always, and of course I've heard stories that don't have good outcomes. I'm extremely protective of Aidan.

We left our Rough Collie with his groomer, who stayed at our house, for 9 days. The dog and the groomer loved each other, and I knew the groomer well. He walked a couple of miles to work, and that suited our dog just fine. That man was someone a lot of people (until they got to know him) may have been afraid of. My husband was horrified -- the guy was huge (mostly muscle) and had brightly colored hair, in keeping with the current month, tattoos, piercings. He was one of the nicest, most loving people I've ever met. I wish he lived here. He is the only person I would fully trust with Aidan.

Forgot to add that there is no way Aidan is flying to Cali with my daughter. I would be a wreck the entire time.


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## Jules (Oct 25, 2021)

If you have a very long lead for outside,  you could put Aiden on it at potty time.  Train him on this well before your DD leaves.  

Same for hiring walkers.  Try out a few in the next couple of months.


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## SeaBreeze (Oct 25, 2021)

My dog is that way too, he's very affectionate and attached to us, never been away from home and would be very stressed and afraid with strangers.

The only other thing I can think of right now is a kennel run, attached or close to your house.  Where he can walk out in a protected fence run, that is near or close to your back door maybe.  When he's done with his business, you can let him back in the house with no fear of his getting loose. 

 My nephew lives in Massachusetts and had one put in for this two small dogs to protect them from predators if they have to go potty at night and he can't be with them.  Honestly, if she goes away again, it will be something you're happy to have.  I don't know what one would cost, depends on the length and quality.


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## HoneyNut (Oct 25, 2021)

Never tried this, but if you got one of those dog tie stake with a cable long enough to reach your door, you could hook the doggie to the end of the cable, and then if you stay within that circumference you could lead him around on a short second leash, just having the tie stake cable as a backup system if he were to suddenly take off (or of course you could skip the second short leash once you were sure you had him attached to the cable).
With horses it is common to have hold of a lead rope in two places (one hand close to the horse the other near the other end of the lead) so if the horse takes off you have a better chance of hanging on, and then you pull the horse's nose (because the halter is on their face) so that the horse has to circle you until you get more control.  I'm not sure if that would work with a dog?


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## SeaBreeze (Oct 25, 2021)

HoneyNut said:


> Never tried this, but if you got one of those dog tie stake with a cable long enough to reach your door, you could hook the doggie to the end of the cable, and then if you stay within that circumference you could lead him around on a short second leash, just having the tie stake cable as a backup system if he were to suddenly take off (or of course you could skip the second short leash once you were sure you had him attached to the cable).
> With horses it is common to have hold of a lead rope in two places (one hand close to the horse the other near the other end of the lead) so if the horse takes off you have a better chance of hanging on, and then you pull the horse's nose (because the halter is on their face) so that the horse has to circle you until you get more control.  I'm not sure if that would work with a dog?


That sounds like a good idea HoneyNut!  With a strong stake set properly well into the ground for security, and a strong and secure cable, it's something that just may work.


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## Judycat (Oct 25, 2021)

Here we just wrap a long  chain around a porch post and tie the dog to it. I have  a fenced in yard, but because certain stupid people walking by complained about the dog barking at them, I kept him tied for a while. After they still complained about him barking at them, I got rid of the chain and told them to get ear plugs. Dog has to go outside to do his business for crying out loud.


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## Mrs. Robinson (Oct 26, 2021)

An online friend closed her daycare after 20+ years and opened a doggy daycare and boarding facility in her home. I wish I could show photos-these dogs lived the luxurious life in her home. She lives in Montana. Unfortunately,she has disappeared from our group page and closed her Facebook account,so no pics are available. Can`t help but think that something awful has happened but no idea what. Her husband`s page is also gone but her son`s pages are still there,with little activity. But no mention of anything having happened.


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## Aunt Bea (Oct 26, 2021)

I think that you and Aidan should start working on this now while your daughter is available to help in an emergency.

It seems like the two of you should be able to come up with a workable plan and a couple of emergency contacts if something should go wrong.

Personally I favor the idea of some sort of lead/chain staked outside that would allow you to attach Aidan’s collar before you open the door to go out.

Good luck to the three of you!


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## Knight (Oct 26, 2021)

Honeynut made a great suggestion. I looked up the idea & found these options on Amazon

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=dog+run+...889971&tag=googhydr-20&ref=pd_sl_8x0r7jvt2g_e


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## SeaBreeze (Oct 26, 2021)

One quick thought, you'd have to be careful with a cable setup, if Aiden started rearing up and running after something in an erratic manner, he could wrap or trip you up, possibly causing serious injury.


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## WheatenLover (Oct 29, 2021)

Knight said:


> Honeynut made a great suggestion. I looked up the idea & found these options on Amazon
> 
> https://www.amazon.com/s?k=dog+run+...889971&tag=googhydr-20&ref=pd_sl_8x0r7jvt2g_e


I think it's a good idea, too, if push comes to shove. I've tied my dog out once. He ran at top speed (cat across the road), and did a back flip when he reached the end of the cable. He was wearing a sturdy harness so if that happened, he wouldn't choke himself.

My concern is that when (not if) this happens again, he could hurt his back. He is a 57 lb. nearly 11 year old dog, and already has arthritis.


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## WheatenLover (Oct 29, 2021)

Update:
My daughter is going to be gone for 2 weeks. This, knowing her travels of the past, could end up being more. If she is having fun, she changes her flight.

Second, as I suspected, but did not voice, the friend from Australia is now her new boyfriend. I've talked to him, and he seems very nice. But, come on, isn't he geographically undesirable?  I'd say yes! He's also got those other pronouns, so if my daughter talks to me, I always screw it up, and start spewing pronouns when she sharply corrects me. I explained to him/he/she/it/them/they that I am not accustomed to using these pronouns, and after 65 years of using pronouns differently, sometimes I just forget, but I mean no offense. He's very understanding about it, but heck, he's after my daughter.

Her trips often always based on meeting some guy, and other friends, she has met on the internet.

Third, one of my sons said he would think about coming here to stay with me and the dog. He is the one with lots of anxiety and autism, who has only flown on a plane (what else, right?) by himself once. I hope he comes. It would solve the dog problem, plus he'd be here for Christmas. During that conversation, he also said he would talk to his father for the first time in many months. That surprised me, and at son's request, I told my husband that if he called our son, our son would take the call. He was glad, but grumpy. I don't think his mood had a thing to do with this good news because he was grumpy before I told him. He's been very depressed about the situation with our children.

This son is spending a lot of money supporting his brother. He is distressed because of the amount of money, plus his brother is not getting a job - he is waiting to take a job that pay the high rent in CA. His siblings advised him to let his brother go to a homeless shelter. So we had talks about blood being thicker than water. Moneybags son is clearly being manipulated, but he loves his brother, and won't make it so he goes to a shelter. It is not difficult to manipulate Moneybags (or me, in fact, when it comes to my kids). I know that now, so I watch for it.

Meanwhile, his brother has been living in a hotel since last March, and Moneybags Son has been paying for it, and expenses (Door Dash daily and other expenses too.) So his siblings won't talk to him about the situation, and he has turned to me. My suggestions are, hopefully, mulled over instead of being rejected out of hand. Also, Moneybags is the only sibling who will talk to this brother because he has been so abusive in the past.

My suggestion was that he tell his brother he has 2 weeks to find a job, even a part-time job. The brother can save the money for his expenses once he does get an apartment. Meanwhile, he can still look for a full-time job, and take anything that pays more than the part-time job. IOW, job hop until he finds something he likes. If he doesn't find a job (there are plenty available), he is cut off from the $$.


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## WheatenLover (Oct 29, 2021)

SeaBreeze said:


> My dog is that way too, he's very affectionate and attached to us, never been away from home and would be very stressed and afraid with strangers.
> 
> The only other thing I can think of right now is a kennel run, attached or close to your house.  Where he can walk out in a protected fence run, that is near or close to your back door maybe.  When he's done with his business, you can let him back in the house with no fear of his getting loose.
> 
> My nephew lives in Massachusetts and had one put in for this two small dogs to protect them from predators if they have to go potty at night and he can't be with them.  Honestly, if she goes away again, it will be something you're happy to have.  I don't know what one would cost, depends on the length and quality.


I am going to look into moving his fenced area's fence to this house. I don't know what it would cost, and I especially don't know if I can find anyone to do it. The situation here is that the people who are working are overwhelmed with work and can't find employees, and if people who do that are working, I have to find out by word of mouth.

Also, I'm worried about snow. I can't walk in it without falling down at this point.


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## Tish (Oct 29, 2021)

I also agree with Bob, hire some help.


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## WheatenLover (Oct 30, 2021)

Tish said:


> I also agree with Bob, hire some help.


Looking into that.


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## WheatenLover (Oct 30, 2021)

WheatenLover said:


> We have one. My daughter is going to train him on it. Hopefully that will work, because I am not strong enough to hold onto a leash when he captured by his high prey drive. Thank you for the suggestion!


Also, the last time we got one was at the vet's suggestion. He somehow got it off, along with 6 previous harnesses. His harness now is the only one he hasn't been able to get off. We should have named him Houdini, but he didn't show his true colors early enough. I used to bring the latest harness to the vet whenever he got out of one, to make sure I was putting it on properly. I was. That was back when I took him to the vet for every little thing, most of which were totally normal for puppies.


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## fuzzybuddy (Oct 31, 2021)

WheatenLover, I ,too, am from PA. I typed in  "dog boarders, PA.", and Googled it. All kinds of stuff came up, more than just dog boarding which might help you. It's worth a try.


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## WheatenLover (Oct 31, 2021)

fuzzybuddy said:


> WheatenLover, I ,too, am from PA. I typed in  "dog boarders, PA.", and Googled it. All kinds of stuff came up, more than just dog boarding which might help you. It's worth a try.


I am going to look into that. In my area there aren't many places. Aidan hasn't been boarded, though, and he would hate it unless I boarded there too. My son might come from Cali to help me. He is thinking about it.


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## SeaBreeze (Nov 3, 2021)

WheatenLover said:


> I am going to look into that. In my area there aren't many places. Aidan hasn't been boarded, though, and he would hate it unless I boarded there too. My son might come from Cali to help me. He is thinking about it.


I hope your son can come and help you, that would be nice.  I really wish you could have a secure fenced area connected to your house that would be easy to let him out and back in again without worrying about him getting away or hurting you.  Good luck, I really hope you get something that helps soon, so you don't need to stress about it any longer.


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