# Who should pay for a date ?



## Davey Jones (Feb 11, 2014)

In this day and age.....IMO
If he ask out then pay the first time.
If she ask out then pay the first time.
After the first date then split it. 

Survey:
man             51%
woman         2%
whoever ask 30%
split the bill  12%
not sure       5%


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## Justme (Feb 11, 2014)

In this day and age with equality of the sexes it should be a 50/50 split, imo.


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## Falcon (Feb 11, 2014)

IMO  The MAN should pay for everything until he takes her home.  Then SHE should contribute

a little "something"  to show her appreciation.


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## Justme (Feb 11, 2014)

SEXIST! If I was free and single and a man treated me like that his dangly bits would be tied firmly around his neck!


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## Justme (Feb 11, 2014)

Fortunately I got the dating game over when very young, not that we really dated. My husband was at university in the UK, where he was born, and I was at school in my island home for most of the time before we married. We communicated by letter and phone calls, only seeing each other during the holidays. If anything happened to my husband I would have absolutely no interest in having another relationship.


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## SifuPhil (Feb 11, 2014)

I remember fondly all of the marches and protests and news articles about the Women's Rights Movement.

They got what they wanted.

Now they complain if they have to pay.


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## That Guy (Feb 11, 2014)

Perhaps, at first, the one asking should pay.  After that, I'm with CeeCee that it depends on whatever works for the couple.  If it continues as a steady thing, just being together is a date and they can share in whatever expenses result.


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## Vivjen (Feb 11, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> I remember fondly all of the marches and protests and news articles about the Women's Rights Movement.
> 
> They got what they wanted.
> 
> Now they complain if they have to pay.



I don't complain!


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## SifuPhil (Feb 11, 2014)

Vivjen said:


> I don't complain!



Okay, it's a date then.


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## Falcon (Feb 11, 2014)

:thumbsup1:  Phil.  I fully agree.


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## Bullie76 (Feb 11, 2014)

Most dates I've had required the customer to pay. And I have.


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## Vivjen (Feb 11, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> Okay, it's a date then.



Pepperoni pizza coming up..


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## jrfromafar (Feb 11, 2014)

Davey Jones said:


> In this day and age.....IMO
> If he ask out then pay the first time.
> If she ask out then pay the first time.
> After the first date then split it.
> ...



My article on the matter:

A lady's guide to who should pay on a first date


These are not two business colleagues going out for lunch, or a chance meeting,"'Oh, hi, how are you, why don't you sit down and join me" affair. It's a date, a pre-arranged affair; one invited the other. Even if she suggested the date, in a round about way, or was even straight forward in her invitation, the man should take the initiative, affirm his interest, take the lead, and pay.


If the bill arrives and he allows it to sit there long enough to make her feel uncomfortable, regardless of how much she enjoyed his company and the meal, listen real carefully and I think you can hear the jerk alarm sounding. The lady need to let it sit on the table until there are icicles, you know where. If he allows the woman to pay, (even splitting the bill), he's a cheapscate and the woman has just wasted her evening and lost a few lousy bucks. Scratch him off your list, he's a loser pure and simple.


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## Anne (Feb 11, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> I remember fondly all of the marches and protests and news articles about the Women's Rights Movement.
> 
> They got what they wanted.
> 
> Now they complain if they have to pay.




I have to agree.  Not too sure that some women wanted 'real equality'....gotta take the bad with the good.  In this case, discuss it before the check comes, or before the date.


am i banned yet??


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## Denise1952 (Feb 11, 2014)

Davey Jones said:


> In this day and age.....IMO
> If he ask out then pay the first time.
> If she ask out then pay the first time.
> After the first date then split it.
> ...



I'm not much on the "day and age" so I figure I won't be doing the asking first of all, and when he does, I hope he will be an "old-fashioned gentleman 

And after he asks me to marry him (as I know he will) then I will be helping him earn the bread.  As far back in history as I've gone, contrary to what some believe, the woman was to work as well, not sit and eat chocolates.  Only Hollyweird came up with that one (IMO)   I will spend my life making him glad he bought me that first McDonalds w/extra fries, LOL!! Denise


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## jrfromafar (Feb 11, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> I remember fondly all of the marches and protests and news articles about the Women's Rights Movement.
> 
> They got what they wanted.
> 
> Now they complain if they have to pay.



I have guy friends - my chums. Any woman I'd be interested in taking out wouldn't want to be treated like (a) chum nthego:


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## SifuPhil (Feb 11, 2014)

jrfromafar said:


> I have guy friends - my chums. Any woman I'd be interested in taking out wouldn't want to be treated like (a) chum nthego:



Chum is something you drop over the side to attract your dinner. 

First I think it's a generational thing - the older the generation the older the mores and traditions, so the man would be more likely to pay.

Maybe starting with the Boomers things began to change - the balance started moving closer to 50/50, but still favored the long-held "Man always pays" dogma.

Gen X and the Millennials are probably a bit more advanced than even that - they're probably more likely to follow the "who invited, pays" format.

Another consideration is even more basic: who has money? 

And finally, the gamesmanship factor: if you're "playing" at the dating game then expect there to be plenty of competition when the bill comes around. People enjoy their little power games, and there are actually online lessons about how to get the other person to pay. It's a strange blend of suggestion, body language and NLP and it works, to an extent, but to my way of seeing things it's far too much trouble for a damned grilled cheese sandwich.


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## Davey Jones (Feb 11, 2014)

Of course the guy could always use that "dammit,I seem to have left my wallet at home".
Then there is the "leave the pocketbook open" one where the gal  leaves a very visible comdom in there.


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## i_am_Lois (Feb 11, 2014)

When a man I never dated before asks me out, I expect him to pay... and they always did, except for one. That guy told me, as we were on our way for a little lunch, that he had no money. I immediately ended that date & returned home (alone). While in a relationship, which for me is different than casual dating, I randomly (50% of the time) would say "I'll get that" when the check came.


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## jrfromafar (Feb 11, 2014)

> Chum is something you drop over the side to attract your dinner.



Ahh you caught my double entendre 




> First I think it's a generational thing - the older the generation the older the mores and traditions, so the man would be more likely to pay.
> 
> Maybe starting with the Boomers things began to change - the balance started moving closer to 50/50, but still favored the long-held "Man always pays" dogma.
> Gen X and the Millennials are probably a bit more advanced than even that - they're probably more likely to follow the "who invited, pays" format.



All true. This being a senior forum, I'd say most people here believe in at least some form of old chivalry.  I do believe in equal rights for equal effort - but on a personal basis,I'd wager that doesn't mean a woman who is the CEO on her job wants to be treated as the CEO on a date  



> Another consideration is even more basic: who has money?



That does change the landscape - I'd think that  if that were the case any woman would know ahead of time what to expect, and if she's still game, she'll have to think things differently.  Life happens. When I dated my wife it was a picnic outside with olives, cheese, salami and bread. She had a car and I didn't! Sheeze, what she got into! 



> And finally, the gamesmanship factor: if you're "playing" at the dating game then expect there to be plenty of competition when the bill comes around. People enjoy their little power games, and there are actually online lessons about how to get the other person to pay. It's a strange blend of suggestion, body language and NLP and it works, to an extent, but to my way of seeing things it's far too much trouble for a damned grilled cheese sandwich.



Well for one thing I'm looking from the sideline - being married I'm not in the game - but I do know how I'd play it if I was!


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## Falcon (Feb 11, 2014)

OK, I'm editing my original post.  A gentleman ALWAYS pays for the date !  INMHO


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## SifuPhil (Feb 11, 2014)

jrfromafar said:


> Ahh you caught my double entendre



It wasn't easy, let me tell you - that little bugger was really _moving_! nthego:




> All true. This being a senior forum, I'd say most people here believe in at least some form of old chivalry.  I do believe in equal rights for equal effort - but on a personal basis,I'd wager that doesn't mean a woman who is the CEO on her job wants to be treated as the CEO on a date



So then why would a _male_ CEO want to be the one that pays? He does that all the time ... 




> That does change the landscape - I'd think that  if that were the case any woman would know ahead of time what to expect, and if she's still game, she'll have to think things differently.  Life happens. When I dated my wife it was a picnic outside with olives, cheese, salami and bread. She had a car and I didn't! Sheeze, what she got into!



Heh, heh ... my first date with my wife-to-be was a picnic, and she wasn't sure what I liked, so she basically bought two of everything in the market. We came back with enough food to last for a month. 

And see, there ya' go - a warning lesson: she paid for all the food and now we're divorced. 




> Well for one thing I'm looking from the sideline - being married I'm not in the game - but I do know how I'd play it if I was!



If you're on the sidelines I'm out in the stadium's parking lot.


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## Davey Jones (Feb 11, 2014)

Falcon said:


> OK, I'm editing my original post. A gentleman ALWAYS pays for the date ! INMHO



What if he's NOT a gentleman?


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## jrfromafar (Feb 11, 2014)

Back in the day at 123 lbs - I was so thin I'd disappear if I turned sideways

- but I sure got my money's worth at a Chinese smorgy !


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## Davey Jones (Feb 11, 2014)

jrfromafar said:


> Back in the day at 123 lbs - I was so thin I'd disappear if I turned sideways
> 
> - but I sure got my money's worth at a Chinese smorgy !





There a joke there...he was so skinny he couldnt even get wet in the shower.


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 11, 2014)

Many moons since I dated, but the man would generally pay.  If he was the type to expect something in return for that, I wouldn't have been seeing him to begin with. If he tried to play me, and said he left his wallet at home, that wouldn't fly.  I'd rather have him tell me beforehand that he'd like to so something, but was short on cash.  

Like Lois, in a relationship, I'd have no problem paying at times.  I don't follow any strict "guidelines" about social behavior, what feels natural and right is all that matters, expected male and female roles never come into play (or mind).


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## jrfromafar (Feb 11, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> If you're on the sidelines I'm out in the stadium's parking lot.



well here's some tips if you ever get back in the game .....


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## Jillaroo (Feb 11, 2014)

_I feel that the fact a guy has asked you out to a restaurant, he should pay . But further down the track if still dating you can pay as well or go Dutch_:dontworry:


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## SifuPhil (Feb 11, 2014)

That's pretty much the way I see it too, Jillie.


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## Denise1952 (Feb 11, 2014)

jrfromafar said:


> My article on the matter:
> 
> A lady's guide to who should pay on a first date
> 
> ...



I just don't like to be too hard on the guys, I think many just are confused as to what women really "even" want.  I know I've spent a lifetime trying my best to confuse men, it was fun, but it wasn't very nice.  Well, one day I said to myself, self (ok, oldy moldy but I like it) men are human too.  So now, I give them just as much rope as I can, and that is, enough rope to hang themselves, :lol::sorry:hwell:artytime:Seriously though, I am confused, and if someone as brilliant as me is confused, I just know that poor, male of the species has gotta be.  Like in that old movie (now old) Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, be EXCELLENT to ONE ANOTHER


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## Denise1952 (Feb 11, 2014)

Oh no you nut, it went down in Italy!!

At first when I googled, it did say something about Coos Bay Oregon and the Concordia, but I think (so far) some guy from this area went to Italy to investigate.  You got me again Phil, hope you like'em a little dumb:lofl:

Omgosh, I've slipped into the Twilight Zone  I don't know how this answer came up on this thread:dunno:


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## SifuPhil (Feb 11, 2014)

nwlady said:


> Omgosh, I've slipped into the Twilight Zone  I don't know how this answer came up on this thread:dunno:



:rofl:

Too many M&M's!


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## jrfromafar (Feb 11, 2014)

nwlady said:


> I just don't like to be too hard on the guys, I think many just are confused as to what women really "even" want.  I know I've spent a lifetime trying my best to confuse men, it was fun, but it wasn't very nice.  Well, one day I said to myself, self (ok, oldy moldy but I like it) men are human too.  So now, I give them just as much rope as I can, and that is, enough rope to hang themselves, :lol::sorry:hwell:artytime:Seriously though, I am confused, and if someone as brilliant as me is confused, I just know that poor, male of the species has gotta be.  Like in that old movie (now old) Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, be EXCELLENT to ONE ANOTHER



i'm talking 'first date' - don't get me wrong, I'm for cutting slack too.... But first date and she's picking up the tab?. (IMO) nthego:


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## Denise1952 (Feb 11, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Too many M&M's!




LOL, yes, marinated in Merlot, LOL!!


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## Denise1952 (Feb 11, 2014)

Hi Jr., you mean the gal should pay on the first date?  Maybe you are right, I was just wondering if all she had to pay with was M&M's would that be acceptable?


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## GDAD (Feb 12, 2014)

When my wife & I go out, I ask her for what I thonk we need for the night & off we go.
I never carry any money(maybe $20 in the wallet) no need for it.
My daughter inlaws take me out for lunch, they pay. They tell me they all work & it's
their turn to return the favour for when i worked & paid for everyone.


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## Judi.D (Feb 12, 2014)

If a guy asks me out on a first date I allow him to choose the place and I expect him to pay. If it goes well and we want to do it again we discuss it. If he is the type that insists on paying every time it does make me feel a little uncomfortable. My mom taught me that after the second date where he pays both times you should have him over to your house for dinner for the third date. I thought that sounded like a good idea. However, there was a few times that he thought the invitation was for more than just dinner. I learned quick to discuss paying when asked out the second time. If you discuss it ahead of times there will be no misunderstandings.


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## SifuPhil (Feb 12, 2014)

Diwundrin said:


> Could be why you've been picking up dogs...  have you tried chocolate?



I have, but that was worse.

... who knew honey badgers love chocolate? :dejection:


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## Jambi (Feb 12, 2014)

Judi.D said:


> My mom taught me that after the second date where he pays both times you should have him over to your house for dinner for the third date. I thought that sounded like a good idea. However, there was a few times that he thought the invitation was for more than just dinner..



Yep; Three date rule.

Why would you date someone you didn't have a romantic interest in?


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## Davey Jones (Feb 12, 2014)

nwlady said:


> Hi Jr., you mean the gal should pay on the first date?  Maybe you are right, I was just wondering if all she had to pay with was M&M's would that be acceptable?



  It depends on who is asking who for the first date.   First come,first serve.


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## Judi.D (Feb 12, 2014)

Sorry don't believe in the 3 date rule. Casual sex was never my thing. This is not an indictment of those who do. Again discussing things ahead of time prevents any uncomfortable misunderstandings.


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## SifuPhil (Feb 12, 2014)

I don't believe in casual sex either.

I always wear a tuxedo.


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## Jambi (Feb 12, 2014)

Judi.D said:


> Sorry don't believe in the 3 date rule. Casual sex was never my thing. This is not an indictment of those who do. Again discussing things ahead of time prevents any uncomfortable misunderstandings.



You don't need to apologize to me, apologize to the person who has been taking you out to dinner because they thought you had a romantic interest in them. You should have told him, "Hey look, you're ok for me to spend time aroung when your buying my dinner, but it goes no farther than that." Then, if he doesn't have a romantic interest in you, either, but just doesn't like eating alone, it's still a date.


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 12, 2014)

Jambi said:


> You don't need to apologize to me, apologize to the person who has been taking you out to dinner because they thought you had a romantic interest in them. You should have told him, "Hey look, you're ok for me to spend time aroung when your buying my dinner, but it goes no farther than that." Then, if he doesn't have a romantic interest in you, either, but just doesn't like eating alone, it's still a date.



A "date" should be just spending time together and having a good time.  It shouldn't be feed me and I'll reward you.  You can have a romantic interest in the person, without jumping into the sack with them.


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## Jambi (Feb 12, 2014)

SeaBreeze said:


> A "date" should be just spending time together and having a good time.  It shouldn't be feed me and I'll reward you. .




I agree, which is why I avoid dinner dates in the beginning. Let's start with coffee in the afternoon.


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 12, 2014)

Nothing wrong with dinner and a movie, the reward is enjoying a good time in each other's company.


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## Jambi (Feb 13, 2014)

SeaBreeze said:


> Nothing wrong with dinner and a movie, the reward is enjoying a good time in each other's company.




I think movies make for poor dates. It's pretty hard to talk and get to know each other at a film.

An art museum makes a far better date. Lots to see and discuss.


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## SifuPhil (Feb 13, 2014)

Jambi said:


> I think movies make for poor dates. It's pretty hard to talk and get to know each other at a film.



You're supposed to _talk_?!?

Learn something new every day ... 



> An art museum makes a far better date. Lots to see and discuss.



Yep ...


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## Davey Jones (Feb 13, 2014)

It must have been the cold water,poor statue.


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## SifuPhil (Feb 13, 2014)

"David, David, _how_ many times have I told you - no cold-water swimming after dinner!" layful:


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## That Guy (Feb 13, 2014)




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## Falcon (Feb 13, 2014)

Poor George.  Damn thing had shrunk.


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 13, 2014)

Jambi said:


> I think movies make for poor dates. It's pretty hard to talk and get to know each other at a film.
> 
> An art museum makes a far better date. Lots to see and discuss.



Well, in my experience, I've never gone on dates with strangers that I need to get to know like that.  Generally it was friends first, and just socializing with mutual friends, or taking walks in the park.  Then if there was a romantic interest, a "date" was planned.  It's a matter of taste, but nothing wrong with laughing together at a funny movie, etc.  I have gone to art and history museums with friends, and didn't consider that a date.


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## Denise1952 (Feb 13, 2014)

Jambi said:


> I think movies make for poor dates. It's pretty hard to talk and get to know each other at a film.
> 
> An art museum makes a far better date. Lots to see and discuss.



Hi Jambi, we are on the same page since I have dated men I've met online which is pretty much "blind".

But for me having a date that allows for lots of conversation is better.  Now a combo of movie and dinner might be good, but for first dates, I don't want to be obligated to spend much time, and if the guy is smart, he doesn't either.  You never know if your are going to hit it off, even as friends.

I don't, or have not in years, met a man through a friend, or in the produce section of my fave supermarket, so it's either been online or nothing.  I have gone to other social events and no luck there either.  Some women have fared better I'm sure, just not me.

Also, no men bashing here but I will say in my experience, it's a whole, other deal at my age, dating I mean.  I'll just say "many" of the men, I do meet, won't even go to the first "in person" meeting because they want younger, and I'll just say it, "dumber" or is it more dumb.  Maybe less independent, maybe more independent.  Back in the day, you were attracted to someone, you went out.  Of course, this was always "in person" meetings, walking down the hall in school, a party, a dance, a football game.  Wow, I'm making myself sad, think I'll go look for another topic, lol!! Denise


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## Jambi (Feb 13, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> You're supposed to _talk_?!?
> 
> Learn something new every day ...
> 
> ...








Pablo Picaso


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