# Dealing with young neighbors or neighbors, period.



## niceday7 (Apr 30, 2021)

I live in an apt for seniors but the disabled of any age are also welcome. A young man maybe in his 30's moved into the apt next door to me about 6 months ago.  He is not very talkative but from what I can gather he was homeless prior to living here and has some emotional issues. He has an emotional support dog. I happen to know he is struggling financially just by living next to him and knowing a bit about him. 

I decided to  approach him in a respectful and lighthearted/friendly way to ask him if he wanted a huge amount of plastic bottles one can return to the store for 5 cents per bottle.  (I drink alot of diet soda!) In no way did I infer he needed the money or anything like that. It was all done in a manner of one neighbor being friendly to another. 

Originally I had put the bottles in a large box where others who live here can see them and put the word "free" on the box. But they hadn't even been out a few hours when I thought of him and how between not working and having a dog, he might like them. So I approached him and asked him. He replied in a dull monotone voice, "Oh, I already saw those". I said something like "You are welcome to them if you would like" To which he replied something along the lines of  "You mean the bottles that have to be taken to the store" (said as if that was definitely not to his liking).  Not sure of what to say I smiled and told him he didn't have to take them and then he unexpectedly thanked me for them but in a tone of voice that clearly suggested he was not interested but wanted to be neighborly. 

There was a time when if someone who was down on their luck had a chance to return some bottles, they would have been grateful.  Even though he has fallen on hard times, he was not receptive to a small opportunity to make a few dollars. I have often thought of him alone with his dog and many times have wanted to bring them both some dinner when I have extras. I don't always eat a whole rotisserie chicken! 

Since he was kind of not really appreciating my gesture with the bottles, I am now reluctant to offer him a plate at dinner time because he does not seem receptive to friendly overtures. I once made another friendly overture offering to help him with something and he blew me off then too.  Does anyone else here have younger neighbors? How does that work for you? I basically get along very well with younger people and do not have a problem with them.


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## Murrmurr (Apr 30, 2021)

My guess is he felt like you were feeling sorry for him and he doesn't want your pity.


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## Aunt Bea (Apr 30, 2021)

I agree with Murrmurr.

IMO it has more to do with pride, dignity, and respect than it does with age.

The fact that he took the bottles at all is a good sign in my opinion.

I would try to approach him as a friendly neighbor and not from a position of strength/power as a good samaritan.

Good luck to both of you.


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## hollydolly (Apr 30, 2021)

Welcome to the forum @niceday7 ...

I fully understand your predicament.I think you made a very kind  offer in a friendly manner , it wasn't appreciated for some reason, so if I was you I would now leave this young man to his own devices unless you're asked for help..

He could have  any amount of physical or mental problems which causes his reaction.. maybe on the Autism perspective.. , you mentioned a service dog..so perhaps this is why he was housed in a senior apartment, he may have difficulties  interacting with other people.

Don't take it personally, just leave him alone unless he asks for help.


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## timoc (Apr 30, 2021)

A case of 'damned if you do and damned if you don't'.

Bea hit the nail on the head (dignity or pride) so, perhaps a clever bit of thinking is required. Why not turn it around, try not letting him think you are the benefactor, instead approach him and say, "Can I pick your brains for some advice, I have some really good stuff that I no longer need, do you know anyone that may have a use for it?" Chances are, he may surprise you and say,"I'll have it."
Good luck.


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## katlupe (Apr 30, 2021)

I agree that he may have issues that you cannot see. My son would be like that if someone asked him if he wanted their bottles or anything else. Having a service dog is definitely a sign that he has a disability. I would just be nice and speak to him and over time he might start responding to you. I know my son does not always speak to people when they say hello to him but after seeing the same one over and over he does answer back.


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## Judycat (Apr 30, 2021)

Blah. People inserting themselves into the life of someone else then criticizing and gossiping about them.


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## Chet (Apr 30, 2021)

Leave him alone for awhile and just greet a hello when you see him. Some people just want to be left alone.


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## Pepper (Apr 30, 2021)

Just be neighborly in this way:  "Hello.  How are you?  Goodbye."


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## MarciKS (Apr 30, 2021)

niceday7 said:


> I live in an apt for seniors but the disabled of any age are also welcome. A young man maybe in his 30's moved into the apt next door to me
> about 6 months ago.  He is not very talkative but from what I can gather he was homeless prior to living here and has some emotional issues. He has an emotional support dog. I happen to know he is struggling financially just by living next to him and knowing a bit about him. I decided to  approach him in a respectful and lighthearted/friendly way to ask him if he wanted a huge amount of plastic bottles one can return to the store for 5 cents per bottle.  (I drink alot of diet soda!) In no way did I infer he needed the money or anything like that. It was all done in a manner of one neighbor being friendly to another. Originally I had put the bottles in a large box where others who live here can see them and put the word "free" on the box. But they hadn't even been out a few hours when I thought of him and how between not working and having a dog, he might like them. So I approached him and asked him. He replied in a dull monotone voice, "Oh, I already saw those". I said something like "You are welcome to them if you would like" To which he replied something along the lines of  "You mean the bottles that have to be taken to the store" (said as if that was definitely not to his liking).  Not sure of what to say I smiled and told him he didn't have to take them and then he unexpectedly thanked me for them but in a tone of voice that clearly suggested he was not interested but wanted to be neighborly. There was a time when if someone who was down on their luck had a chance to return some bottles, they would have been grateful.  Even though he has fallen on hard times, he was not receptive to a small opportunity to make a few dollars. I have often thought of him alone with his dog and many times have wanted to bring them both some dinner when I have extras. I don't always eat a whole rotisserie chicken! Since he was kind of not really appreciating my gesture with the bottles, I am now reluctant to offer him a plate at dinner time because he does not seem receptive to friendly overtures. I once made another friendly overture offering to help him with something and he blew me off then too.  Does anyone else here have younger neighbors? How does that work for you? I basically get along very well with younger people and do not have a problem with them.


Did he have a way of getting them to the store or wherever to return them for the money? Sometimes transport can be an issue.

He may not like people or like being around them. Sometimes depending on the mental issues there could be reason for that. All things to take into consideration.


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 30, 2021)

The solution, IMO, is when he said “I’d have to take them to the store”.  The response should have been, IMO, something about how it’s hard for you do get to the store and is it hard for him to get the store, or do you like going to the store, or do you hate going to the store.  How does he feel about the store?

A conversation about the store would have been key since his response indicated he was concerned about the store, or the virus at the store, or the people in the store, or his ability to get to the store.  I would bet his response had nothing to do with you.

If he was homeless, I bet he had a lot issues and problems concerning stores and store employees.  Try again to get to know him if you want.  But since he has emotional issues, I would not invite him in.  You do not know his emotional triggers.  But I would take him a plate of food, on a paper plate.

Otherwise he might think you are giving him the plate and the food.  Say something like, I made too much and I hate to throw it away, but I don’t like leftovers; I thought you might like this.  He will either accept or not, and then you will know.  Having cared for emotional disturbed teenagers, I am very cautious.  Be cautious.


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## hawkdon (Apr 30, 2021)

I had an unpleasant episode with my youngish neighbor last year...this is a rental house, old, with crawl space, that had been taken over by groundhogs, raccoons, possums etc...the owner sent his maint man over to trap and remove them..however he used a leg hold trap and caught a 'coon the first nite, and when the young lady saw it, she came running over to me and raised
"cain" with me about it, cruelty, painful, etc etc, this went on for about 10 minutes, with me trying to explain why it was happening, but she didnt want to hear it....i've not spoken to her since last oct and don't intend to...because of prior yrs of damage under the house, it cost owner thousands to get house repaired.....


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## hollydolly (Apr 30, 2021)

Aneeda72 said:


> The solution, IMO, is when he said “I’d have to take them to the store”.  The response should have been, IMO, something about how it’s hard for you do get to the store and is it hard for him to get the store, or do you like going to the store, or do you hate going to the store.  How does he feel about the store?
> 
> A conversation about the store would have been key since his response indicated he was concerned about the store, or the virus at the store, or the people in the store, or his ability to get to the store.  I would bet his response had nothing to do with you.
> 
> ...


Good advice but...He's not a teenager... he's in his 30's...


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 30, 2021)

hollydolly said:


> Good advice but...He's not a teenager... he's in his 30's...


Yes I know.  I said I worked with teenagers, but emotionally upset people are very similar in nature.  I also have a grandson who live in a hole in the ground in a friends backyard, and then he lived in a culvert under a bridge.  He is in his 30’s now and still very disturbed.


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## niceday7 (Apr 30, 2021)

Judycat said:


> Blah. People inserting themselves into the life of someone else then criticizing and gossiping about them.


Gossip is the intent to hurt someone. I didn't give his name and there is no intent to hurt him with this post.  I find your reply hostile.


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## Shalimar (Apr 30, 2021)

hawkdon said:


> I had an unpleasant episode with my youngish neighbor last year...this is a rental house, old, with crawl space, that had been taken over by groundhogs, raccoons, possums etc...the owner sent his maint man over to trap and remove them..however he used a leg hold trap and caught a 'coon the first nite, and when the young lady saw it, she came running over to me and raised
> "cain" with me about it, cruelty, painful, etc etc, this went on for about 10 minutes, with me trying to explain why it was happening, but she didnt want to hear it....i've not spoken to her since last oct and don't intend to...because of prior yrs of damage under the house, it cost owner thousands to get house repaired.....


I can certainly understand the need to remove such animals under the circumstances, and the expense of repairs must have been disheartening,  but leg hold traps are brutal, and unnecessary. There are devices available which trap them humanely. In my country, such animals are usually trapped by

professional pest control and relocated. Worst case scenario, pest control too expensive, and no relocation possible, use a humane trap, and shoot them. There is no reason why that raccoon had to suffer. Those traps are illegal here. I would have reacted much as the young lady did. I sincerely pray that the other animals were not trapped in the same fashion.


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## cdestroyer (Apr 30, 2021)

well to be honest I am that way with some people,,ya know why? .......its the vibes man the vibes...some people give off the worst vibes and others can feel it...you held your mouth wrong, stood cockeyed etc and the other person picked up on something they didnt like and blew you off, so  my advice?  it is what it is,let it be


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 30, 2021)

niceday7 said:


> I live in an apt for seniors but the disabled of any age are also welcome. A young man maybe in his 30's moved into the apt next door to me
> about 6 months ago.  He is not very talkative but from what I can gather he was homeless prior to living here and has some emotional issues. He has an emotional support dog. I happen to know he is struggling financially just by living next to him and knowing a bit about him. I decided to  approach him in a respectful and lighthearted/friendly way to ask him if he wanted a huge amount of plastic bottles one can return to the store for 5 cents per bottle.  (I drink alot of diet soda!) In no way did I infer he needed the money or anything like that. It was all done in a manner of one neighbor being friendly to another. Originally I had put the bottles in a large box where others who live here can see them and put the word "free" on the box. But they hadn't even been out a few hours when I thought of him and how between not working and having a dog, he might like them. So I approached him and asked him. He replied in a dull monotone voice, "Oh, I already saw those". I said something like "You are welcome to them if you would like" To which he replied something along the lines of  "You mean the bottles that have to be taken to the store" (said as if that was definitely not to his liking).  Not sure of what to say I smiled and told him he didn't have to take them and then he unexpectedly thanked me for them but in a tone of voice that clearly suggested he was not interested but wanted to be neighborly. There was a time when if someone who was down on their luck had a chance to return some bottles, they would have been grateful.  Even though he has fallen on hard times, he was not receptive to a small opportunity to make a few dollars. I have often thought of him alone with his dog and many times have wanted to bring them both some dinner when I have extras. I don't always eat a whole rotisserie chicken! Since he was kind of not really appreciating my gesture with the bottles, I am now reluctant to offer him a plate at dinner time because he does not seem receptive to friendly overtures. I once made another friendly overture offering to help him with something and he blew me off then too.  Does anyone else here have younger neighbors? How does that work for you? I basically get along very well with younger people and do not have a problem with them.


I'm sure you had good intentions, but I agree with Murrmurr and Aunt Bea, he likely doesn't want your pity or used bottles.  None of us like to haul even our own recycles back to the store, never mind someone else's. 

 If you were really friendly with him as a person, and not someone who needed things from you, it would be different.  If you visited and talked about things in common without trying to give him charity, then a bond can be formed where in the future he may accept some help, perhaps more in the form of cash, not just used bottles.  Honestly, with the covid-19 now, I don't even want to touch any stranger's used food items.

I think he was as nice as he could have been about the offer, I would have been a bit offended.  Especially since it was obvious to all neighbors that they were out for the taking and nobody else wanted to bother with them.


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## Judycat (Apr 30, 2021)

niceday7 said:


> Gossip is the intent to hurt someone. I didn't give his name and there is no intent to hurt him with this post.  I find your reply hostile.


The truth is often hostile.


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## hollydolly (Apr 30, 2021)

niceday7 said:


> Gossip is the intent to hurt someone. I didn't give his name and there is no intent to hurt him with this post.  I find your reply hostile.


Sorry your first day here has started off contentiously, but when asked for advice most of us give it..... c'mon in and join some other threads... we're mostly nice , honestly...


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## Giants fan1954 (Apr 30, 2021)

It may seem he has financial issues because like us,he only gets paid monthly and with prices these days it doesn't go far...
I just moved into a senior apartment and keep to myself,no interest or tolerance for the gossip and drama.
Leave him alone.


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## Verisure (Apr 30, 2021)

Being 


niceday7 said:


> I live in an apt for seniors but the disabled of any age are also welcome. A young man maybe in his 30's moved into the apt next door to me
> about 6 months ago.  He is not very talkative but from what I can gather he was homeless prior to living here and has some emotional issues. He has an emotional support dog. I happen to know he is struggling financially just by living next to him and knowing a bit about him. I decided to  approach him in a respectful and lighthearted/friendly way to ask him if he wanted a huge amount of plastic bottles one can return to the store for 5 cents per bottle.  (I drink alot of diet soda!) In no way did I infer he needed the money or anything like that. It was all done in a manner of one neighbor being friendly to another. Originally I had put the bottles in a large box where others who live here can see them and put the word "free" on the box. But they hadn't even been out a few hours when I thought of him and how between not working and having a dog, he might like them. So I approached him and asked him. He replied in a dull monotone voice, "Oh, I already saw those". I said something like "You are welcome to them if you would like" To which he replied something along the lines of  "You mean the bottles that have to be taken to the store" (said as if that was definitely not to his liking).  Not sure of what to say I smiled and told him he didn't have to take them and then he unexpectedly thanked me for them but in a tone of voice that clearly suggested he was not interested but wanted to be neighborly. There was a time when if someone who was down on their luck had a chance to return some bottles, they would have been grateful.  Even though he has fallen on hard times, he was not receptive to a small opportunity to make a few dollars. I have often thought of him alone with his dog and many times have wanted to bring them both some dinner when I have extras. I don't always eat a whole rotisserie chicken! Since he was kind of not really appreciating my gesture with the bottles, I am now reluctant to offer him a plate at dinner time because he does not seem receptive to friendly overtures. I once made another friendly overture offering to help him with something and he blew me off then too.  Does anyone else here have younger neighbors? How does that work for you? I basically get along very well with younger people and do not have a problem with them.


Being "down and out" is one thing, making it public or acknowledging it is another. You probably insulted him by letting his situation be *"obvious"*. No more _"I feel sorry for you, routine"_. Next time tell him the water in your shower seems cold and ask if his is also bad .... or something equally neutral.


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## win231 (Apr 30, 2021)

Hollydolly got it.
I have a friend who has a 22 year old son with Autism.  Most people avoid him because they don't understand him & expect normal conversation from him.  Since I'm nice to him & accept him as he is, he'll call me every day & chat about the same thing over & over for an hour.


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## SetWave (Apr 30, 2021)

As you said, " . . . has some emotional issues."  Might I suggest just being kind and letting him come to you if he chooses.


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 30, 2021)

SeaBreeze said:


> I'm sure you had good intentions, but I agree with Murrmurr and Aunt Bea, he likely doesn't want your pity or used bottles.  None of us like to haul even our own recycles back to the store, never mind someone else's.
> 
> If you were really friendly with him as a person, and not someone who needed things from you, it would be different.  If you visited and talked about things in common without trying to give him charity, then a bond can be formed where in the future he may accept some help, perhaps more in the form of cash, not just used bottles.  Honestly, with the covid-19 now, I don't even want to touch any stranger's used food items.
> 
> I think he was as nice as he could have been about the offer, I would have been a bit offended.  Especially since it was obvious to all neighbors that they were out for the taking and nobody else wanted to bother with them.


It depends on if someone needed the money.  There was a time in my life, which I’ve mentioned before, that I collected pop cans from the trash in park.  you can not do that now as the park collects them.  A great many people only get 550 from SSD.  I only get 800 from SSI.   I would have taken those bottles if I had the means to turn them in; AND the half chicken.


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## SetWave (Apr 30, 2021)

win231 said:


> Hollydolly got it.
> I have a friend who has a 22 year old son with Autism.  Most people avoid him because they don't understand him & expect normal conversation from him.  Since I'm nice to him & accept him as he is, he'll call me every day & chat about the same thing over & over for an hour.


I applaud you, sir.


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 30, 2021)

win231 said:


> Hollydolly got it.
> I have a friend who has a 22 year old son with Autism.  Most people avoid him because they don't understand him & expect normal conversation from him.  Since I'm nice to him & accept him as he is, he'll call me every day & chat about the same thing over & over for an hour.


He sounds like my guy, although mine is very friendly because of the DS.  But a call everyday, sometimes twice a day.. Always the same conversation mostly.


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## SetWave (Apr 30, 2021)

The owner of my soon to be vacated home has a younger brother living on the property who deals with serious emotional issues. I was "warned" about him in the beginning yet have come to realize he is a very sweet man and the owner is the one with serious issues.


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## Keesha (Apr 30, 2021)

Shalimar said:


> I can certainly understand the need to remove such animals under the circumstances, and the expense of repairs must have been disheartening,  but leg hold traps are brutal, and unnecessary. There are devices available which trap them humanely. In my country, such animals are usually trapped by
> 
> professional pest control and relocated. Worst case scenario, pest control too expensive, and no relocation possible, use a humane trap, and shoot them. There is no reason why that raccoon had to suffer. Those traps are illegal here. I would have reacted much as the young lady did. I sincerely pray that the other animals were not trapped in the same fashion.


Great post Shali.


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## RadishRose (Apr 30, 2021)

niceday7 said:


> He is not very talkative but from what I can gather he was homeless prior to living here and *has some emotional issues*. He has an emotional support dog.


It's very good of you to try to help your neighbor. From what you said above, it appears that's your answer.

Never stop being kind to others. 

Welcome to the Forum.


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## Murrmurr (Apr 30, 2021)

His "emotional issues" are probably because he's young, unemployed, and (possibly) unattached because he's in a wheelchair. I had to be in one for a while and hated every minute of it, fought like hell to get out of it. And yeah, I had an attitude.

Nevermind.


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 30, 2021)

MarciKS said:


> Did he have a way of getting them to the store or wherever to return them for the money? Sometimes transport can be an issue.
> 
> He may not like people or like being around them. Sometimes depending on the mental issues there could be reason for that. All things to take into consideration.


And sometimes the time/money cost of going to the store exceeds the value of some return bottles.  I imagine that those who go anywhere with a support dog are less inclined to carry packages and make additional stops that are not necessary.  Many young men or women don't want to get friendly with seniors either.

  I had a problem with a neighbor many years ago, she took my being polite and friendly to her as an invitation to constantly show up at my door or call me.  It was hard to get rid of her, but I was able to do so by just being frank with her.  Once you open that can of worms with some people, it's hard to gain control again.  So perhaps his personal situation was one where he chose to either be alone or just associate with his close friends or relatives.  Hard to know, but I respect everyone's privacy, interaction should be equally welcome on both sides to be ideal.


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## hollydolly (Apr 30, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> His "emotional issues" are probably because he's young, unemployed, and (possibly) unattached because he's in a wheelchair. I had to be in one for a while and hated every minute of it, fought like hell to get out of it. And yeah, I had an attitude.


He's not in a wheelchair


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## Murrmurr (Apr 30, 2021)

hollydolly said:


> He's not in a wheelchair


Why'd I think I read that? 
In my defense, it was 1 in the morning.


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## Sassycakes (Apr 30, 2021)

niceday7 said:


> I live in an apt for seniors but the disabled of any age are also welcome. A young man maybe in his 30's moved into the apt next door to me about 6 months ago.  He is not very talkative but from what I can gather he was homeless prior to living here and has some emotional issues. He has an emotional support dog. I happen to know he is struggling financially just by living next to him and knowing a bit about him.
> 
> I decided to  approach him in a respectful and lighthearted/friendly way to ask him if he wanted a huge amount of plastic bottles one can return to the store for 5 cents per bottle.  (I drink alot of diet soda!) In no way did I infer he needed the money or anything like that. It was all done in a manner of one neighbor being friendly to another.
> 
> ...


I feel you did a very thoughtful and considerate thing. I think the problem is his problem and you were just being caring.


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## StarSong (Apr 30, 2021)

niceday7 said:


> Does anyone else here have younger neighbors? How does that work for you? I basically get along very well with younger people and do not have a problem with them.


I don't think his age or the difference between your ages factor in here.  

He may not be as hard up financially as you imagine, he may have issues with handling other people's recycling (a nickel per piece, while something, is hardly a windfall), or who knows-what-all is up with him. 

You offered, he declined. I don't think his reaction suggests ill will. As others recommended, you might want to be polite when you see him, say hello and make a quick comment about the weather, and let him be.


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## Verisure (Apr 30, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> His "emotional issues" are probably because he's young, unemployed, and (possibly) unattached because he's in a wheelchair. I had to be in one for a while and hated every minute of it, fought like hell to get out of it. And yeah, I had an attitude.


I think the problem ("our" problem) is being able or willing to look at it from the afflicted point of view rather than our own.  Saying, "I was only trying to be nice" doesn't cut it. We wouldn't dream of mentioning our upcoming anniversary to someone who's just lost his/her spouse. We rightly assume that he/she would be sensitive to the subject so we avoid it. Now here's a guy who we suppose has been on the skids and has been given a chance (by the housing arrangement) to make a come-back. I wouldn't say anything that might make him feel that he's being "noticed" and maybe "talked about" .... from his point of view.


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## Murrmurr (Apr 30, 2021)

Verisure said:


> I think the problem ("our" problem) is being able or willing to look at it from the afflicted point of view rather than our own.  Saying, "I was only trying to be nice" doesn't cut it. We wouldn't dream of mentioning our upcoming anniversary to someone who's just lost his/her spouse. We rightly assume that he/she would be sensitive to the subject so we avoid it. Now here's a guy who we suppose has been on the skids and has been given a chance (by the housing arrangement) to make a come-back. I wouldn't say anything that might make him feel that he's being "noticed" and maybe "talked about" .... from his point of view.


Just want to point out, where I said "because he's in a wheelchair"...he's not. I don't know where I got that. I thought that's what I read but there's nothing there about a wheelchair.

But your point still stands. The guy's obviously been through some pretty difficult stuff. The streets are merciless. Maybe he needs some recovery time.


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## Verisure (Apr 30, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> Just want to point out, where I said "because he's in a wheelchair"...he's not. I don't know where I got that. I thought that's what I read but there's nothing there about a wheelchair.
> 
> But your point still stands. The guy's obviously been through some pretty difficult stuff. The streets are merciless. Maybe he needs some recovery time.


Yes. I agree. Even those without a wheelchair can *"have an attitude"*.


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 30, 2021)

StarSong said:


> He may not be as hard up financially as you imagine, he may have issues with handling other people's recycling (a nickel per piece, while something, is hardly a windfall), or who knows-what-all is up with him.
> 
> You offered, he declined. I don't think his reaction suggests ill will. As others recommended, you might want to be polite when you see him, say hello and make a quick comment about the weather, and let him be.


I agree, an offer was made and he declined, really, no more should be made of it.  He wasn't rude about it, so that was nice.


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## Nathan (Apr 30, 2021)

Nice of you to be neighborly, understand that you and he live in different worlds, he doesn't understand you anymore than you understand him.

It is possible that the young man may be on some 'psych meds', some of which are powerful and tend to just _flatten_ the person's demeanor.

Go slow,  If you see him smile-wave-say "hi".


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## officerripley (May 1, 2021)

cdestroyer said:


> well to be honest I am that way with some people,,ya know why? .......its the vibes man the vibes...some people give off the worst vibes and others can feel it...you held your mouth wrong, stood cockeyed etc and the other person picked up on something they didnt like and blew you off, so  my advice?  it is what it is,let it be


Oh, has that been my problem all these years? Guess I need some anti-vibe spray or roll-on...


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## Nathan (May 1, 2021)

cdestroyer said:


> .......its the vibes man the vibes...some people give off the worst vibes and others can feel it...you held your mouth wrong, stood cockeyed etc and the other person picked up on something they didnt like and blew you off, so  my advice?  it is what it is,let it be


Lol, I saw this guy in the parking lot of Rite Aid yesterday, a homeless guy most likely.  He would just stare with that look you want to have, if you're in prison and want to look bad-ass.

I felt like telling him to wipe that _"I am going to cut your head off"_ look...off his face, and just maybe someone will give him $$ for his next meal...or _whatever_.


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## Remy (May 1, 2021)

I too would recommend not engaging with him anymore outside of hello, good morning and the like.

It's hard to know how he took your offer. You meant to be nice and that's what matters. There is a very nice gentleman at my apartment (all ages) who gets recyclables out of the recycle bins here at the complex. I've seen, and heard, him a few times put the bags in the car. He's retired and I don't think he's totally broke but those extra dollars probably help and he also lost his home in one of the fires in the area.


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## Lakeland living (May 1, 2021)

After spending months on crutches and trying to get things done, yes the early part was in a wheel chair. 
  I am cautious about how I offer help.


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## Verisure (May 1, 2021)

Remy said:


> I too would recommend not engaging with him anymore outside of hello, good morning and the like.
> .........................


That's the best advice for anyone. Here in Sweden, there is a percentage of the population that will not greet anyone. Not even their neighbour. If you greet them they'll look the other way. It's true. Often (VERY OFTEN) if they are leaving their flat but realize that someone is coming or passing by they'll quickly close the door again and wait for you to pass before they try it again.


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## Devi (May 1, 2021)

Verisure said:


> Here in Sweden, there is a percentage of the population that will not greet anyone. Not even their neighbour. If you greet them they'll look the other way. It's true. Often (VERY OFTEN) if they are leaving their flat but realize that someone is coming or passing by they'll quickly close the door again and wait for you to pass before they try it again.


Interesting. Why do you suppose that is?


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## Verisure (May 1, 2021)

Devi said:


> Interesting. Why do you suppose that is?


I think of it as "stage fright".


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## Alligatorob (May 1, 2021)

Our neighbors are of all ages, young kids to older than us.  Some are a bit odd, but I think that just makes things interesting.

One oddity is we live in a small rural town in Northern Utah, all, and I mean all of our neighbors are Mormons but we are not.  That works just fine for me, and I knew what we were getting into when we bought here.  Mormons are good people and easy for me to get along with.  They treat us well.  The only problem is that we are yet to be offered a beer or cigar by a neighbor, LOL!


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## Keesha (May 1, 2021)

We have no neighbours. 
Love it.


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## Keesha (May 1, 2021)

Alligatorob said:


> Our neighbors are of all ages, young kids to older than us.  Some are a bit odd, but I think that just makes things interesting.
> 
> One oddity is we live in a small rural town in Northern Utah, all, and I mean all of our neighbors are Mormons but we are not.  That works just fine for me, and I knew what we were getting into when we bought here.  Mormons are good people and easy for me to get along with.  They treat us well.  The only problem is that we are yet to be offered a beer or cigar by a neighbor, LOL!


We used to live around a lot Mormons and Mennonites and got along with well with them. 
I was even invited to a church ceremony where I got to ride in a horse ridden carriage , sing in their church and eat a huge meal with them. It was certainly a highlight in my life. Great neighbours.


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## terry123 (May 2, 2021)

Just let it go. Speak when you see him and move on.  Don't offer him a meal or anything else.  For all you know he may be getting "meals on wheels" each day.  He is doing fine on his own and doesn't need your help.


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## Verisure (May 2, 2021)

Alligatorob said:


> Our neighbors are of all ages, young kids to older than us.  Some are a bit odd, but I think that just makes things interesting.
> 
> One oddity is we live in a small rural town in Northern Utah, all, and I mean all of our neighbors are Mormons but we are not.  That works just fine for me, and I knew what we were getting into when we bought here.  Mormons are good people and easy for me to get along with.  They treat us well.  The only problem is that we are yet to be offered a beer or cigar by a neighbor, LOL!


"And it was good."


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## Verisure (May 3, 2021)

It does turn the golden rule on its head.

"Do unto others as you would that they should do unto you".

... or maybe, "Do unto others as they do unto you"?
... or maybe, "Do unto others as they would like you to do unto them"?

Oh, brother! Never mind all of that. I'm nice to everyone unless they do not reciprocate in which case they can get stuffed.


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## Alligatorphobia (May 3, 2021)

niceday7 said:


> I live in an apt for seniors but the disabled of any age are also welcome. A young man maybe in his 30's moved into the apt next door to me about 6 months ago.  He is not very talkative but from what I can gather he was homeless prior to living here and has some emotional issues. He has an emotional support dog. I happen to know he is struggling financially just by living next to him and knowing a bit about him.
> 
> I decided to  approach him in a respectful and lighthearted/friendly way to ask him if he wanted a huge amount of plastic bottles one can return to the store for 5 cents per bottle.  (I drink alot of diet soda!) In no way did I infer he needed the money or anything like that. It was all done in a manner of one neighbor being friendly to another.
> 
> ...


It might just be more about him than it is about you.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he had similar reactions  others.  I always go by their reactions- once I brought a loaf of homemade bread over to a neighbor and she was hesitant to take it, so that told me to give her space and be kind but don’t bring her anything.  Let her take the lead and I’ll just be friendly when I see her.


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## Pepper (May 3, 2021)

When you gift people, people might think that then they must gift you back and you're putting them in a bad position.

With neighbors, it's best, IMO, to ease in, not to overwhelm.


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## Verisure (May 3, 2021)

Pepper said:


> When you gift people, people might think that then they must gift you back and you're putting them in a bad position.
> 
> With neighbors, it's best, IMO, to ease in, not to overwhelm.


An interesting point. It's like compliments too.


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## Shalimar (May 3, 2021)

Verisure said:


> An interesting point. It's like compliments too.


Intriguing point of view. May I ask what you mean?


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## officerripley (May 3, 2021)

Shalimar said:


> Intriguing point of view. May I ask what you mean?


I'm also intrigued and would like clarification.


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## Verisure (May 3, 2021)

Shalimar said:


> Intriguing point of view. May I ask what you mean?





officerripley said:


> I'm also intrigued and would like clarification.


HER:  "I like your jacket!"
HIM: "Your dress is beautiful!"


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## Shalimar (May 3, 2021)

Thanks Verisure.


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## maybenot (May 4, 2021)

I live in the end unit of a group of 3, first unit faces the street, 2nd unit is in the middle and my unit is at the end of the driveway with my carpark/garage to the right of my front door ... when the 43yr old neighbour next door moved in ( his carpark is next to mine) 

... he'd tell his visitors to park at the end of the driveway, right in front of my front door, this made it very difficult for me to reverse out and I told him so very politely, he said to just knock on his door and he'd move but I shouldn't have to do that as the space is not a designated carpark, it's there to enable me to reverse into, then drive out

...so, then he asked me why I didn't just reverse all the way down the driveway. i told him that I don't like reversing into the road as we're on a very narrow street, near the corner and it was awkward for me ...he was obviously annoyed but hasn't done it since.
 We say g'day etc but that's it


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## Verisure (May 5, 2021)

Why is the title of this thread: _"Dealing with *young* neighbors or neighbors, period"_? The title seems just a bit prejudiced. I was young once. I think most people were and I don't think young people are/were particularly unsavory.


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## Robert59 (Jun 23, 2021)

I had this college student asking other young people for a ride in this donut shop I would hang out at. And came across me and said no way. I must have looked like his parents.


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## StarSong (Jun 23, 2021)

Verisure said:


> Why is the title of this thread: _"Dealing with *young* neighbors or neighbors, period"_? The title seems just a bit prejudiced. I was young once. I think most people were and I don't think young people are/were particularly unsavory.


Amen.


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## Meanderer (Jun 23, 2021)

@niceday7 -I agree with @Giants fan1954  Leave him alone.


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## gloria (Jul 2, 2021)

Aneeda72 said:


> It depends on if someone needed the money.  There was a time in my life, which I’ve mentioned before, that I collected pop cans from the trash in park.  you can not do that now as the park collects them.  A great many people only get 550 from SSD.  I only get 800 from SSI.   I would have taken those bottles if I had the means to turn them in; AND the half chicken.


Everything now days is expensive that it would take a ton of bottles to make a few dollars, years ago turning in bottles was worth it.


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## mellowyellow (Jul 2, 2021)

Quiet, considerate neighbours are worth their weight in gold and don't get enough praise.


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## Keesha (Jul 2, 2021)

gloria said:


> Everything now days is expensive that it would take a ton of bottles to make a few dollars, years ago turning in bottles was worth it.


Here and where we used to live, there are refundable bottles so even if people throw them out the window, they will be picked up.
It’s smart to make bottles and cans refundable / reusable / returnable. It discourages littering, is more resourceful, promotes a bit of income for the homeless and helps keep our road ditches clean. From how clean the ditches look, I’d say it’s working.


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## Autumn72 (Feb 19, 2022)

Verisure said:


> I think of it as "stage fright".


Vikings were notorious for killing


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## Verisure (Feb 20, 2022)

Autumn72 said:


> Vikings were notorious for killing


That was a thousand years ago.


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## mrstime (Feb 20, 2022)

win231 said:


> Hollydolly got it.
> I have a friend who has a 22 year old son with Autism.  Most people avoid him because they don't understand him & expect normal conversation from him.  Since I'm nice to him & accept him as he is, he'll call me every day & chat about the same thing over & over for an hour.


I have a friend who fortunately doesn't call everyday, but when she does call it is always the same stories over and over. If I would let her, I don't know how many hours she would talk. Mostly I am only expected to say the occasional "yup", "uhhuh" or "right". She recently lost her husband rather suddenly and so of course I try to give her plenty of time, but after over an hour my bladder starts yelling at me......I really don't want to wet my pants, so I tell her I have to go..and I really do have to "go"! When I am off the phone and out of the bathroom DH will ask, "Did Joanie* have anything different to say?" Nope same old stuff. 
Gosh, it makes me wonder if she has something like Autism or related problem rather than just plain ole nuts. 

* Joanie is not her name.


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## win231 (Feb 20, 2022)

mrstime said:


> I have a friend who fortunately doesn't call everyday, but when she does call it is always the same stories over and over. If I would let her, I don't know how many hours she would talk. Mostly I am only expected to say the occasional "yup", "uhhuh" or "right". She recently lost her husband rather suddenly and so of course I try to give her plenty of time, but after over an hour my bladder starts yelling at me......I really don't want to wet my pants, so I tell her I have to go..and I really do have to "go"! When I am off the phone and out of the bathroom DH will ask, "Did Joanie* have anything different to say?" Nope same old stuff.
> Gosh, it makes me wonder if she has something like Autism or related problem rather than just plain ole nuts.
> 
> * Joanie is not her name.


Autism has many levels of severity & also many types.  Your friend probably has a milder form of Autism.


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## Jeni (Feb 20, 2022)

good neighbors are sometimes not appreciated until they move.....
Had a wonderful lady who lived next to us..she watched the place when we were gone scared off a potential thief one day while i was out  etc..
i watched as folks came by when house was for sale and yep they people who bought it are pigs ........They have junk everywhere up late and seem to make tons of noise and have little interest in neighbors ..... i can imagine the immaculate yard will be a junk pile. 
I REALLY miss my last neighbor.


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## mrstime (Feb 20, 2022)

win231 said:


> Autism has many levels of severity & also many types.  Your friend probably has a milder form of Autism.


Yes,I am aware of that , I just never gave that a thought when it comes to Joanie. We just thought she got crazier and crazier, but now I suspect another possibility. She got involved with group therapy some years ago and now thinks she is a psychiatrist as well as knowing more about everything. Here in Canada pot is legal and so we have pot stores all over town. She called our son to wish him happy birthday, he said she spent one minute on that , one minute on her DH dying and then off she went on all her ideas. Among other thing's she informed him that pot can only be sold on Native land. We know there are 5 in town, and one on the local reserve. He actually gave her an hour, which really surprised me.


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## Murrmurr (Feb 20, 2022)

Verisure said:


> That was a thousand years ago.


She did use the past tense. (It would be convenient if we had a paster tense)

Hi, Verisure! It's been a while, I think. (A paster tense for "Hi" would've worked here)


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## Jules (Feb 20, 2022)

Some people talk just to hear themselves.  That may be Joanie.


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## mrstime (Feb 20, 2022)

Jules said:


> Some people talk just to hear themselves.  That may be Joanie.


That might be , and I wonder if I recorded her  if she would be shocked. I could never do that  we have known her since she was a teenager, I was a mother figure to her and love her as if she was mine. In person she is not so nutty, and she used to be intelligent too. now she does not seem to have the intelligence she once had.


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## Verisure (Feb 20, 2022)

Murrmurr said:


> Hi, Verisure! It's been a while, I think. (A paster tense for "Hi" would've worked here)


I think it was Tonto who would say, "How!" But I don't know if he was Christian or what his paster would say.


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## Lavinia (Feb 21, 2022)

Chet said:


> Leave him alone for awhile and just greet a hello when you see him. Some people just want to be left alone.


I wish more people would realise that! I know that people often mean well when they offer help to someone, but sometimes peace and solitude is just what that person needs.


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## Lewkat (Feb 21, 2022)

Judycat said:


> Blah. People inserting themselves into the life of someone else then criticizing and gossiping about them.


I agree, it wasn't gossip at all.  I believe the OP was a tad surprised at the reaction of the neighbor, since he was attempting to be friendly and hoping in his own way to lend a hand to the fellow.  Sometimes it helps to get another perspective on it, that's all.


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## Lewkat (Feb 21, 2022)

Verisure said:


> Why is the title of this thread: _"Dealing with *young* neighbors or neighbors, period"_? The title seems just a bit prejudiced. I was young once. I think most people were and I don't think young people are/were particularly unsavory.


But, we are not young any more and the generations have attitudinal changes.


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## Della (Feb 21, 2022)

Lewkat said:


> But, we are not young any more and the generations have attitudinal changes.


They really have.  I've noticed they are very reluctant to engage in any sort of random chit-chat.  There was a time when I could go to the store and remark out loud that these strawberries smelled great and whoever was standing close to me would agree, or say they were going to make jam, or something.  Now I've noticed if the person is young they look a little frightened and scuttle away to talk about me into their cellphone.  I blame the phones, they may help one stay connected to friends and family, but they put up an isolating barrier with strangers.


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## Verisure (Feb 21, 2022)

Lewkat said:


> But, we are not young any more and *the generations have attitudinal changes*.


Including ours.


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## caroln (Feb 21, 2022)

I would chit chat with other ladies waiting in a long line at the grocery store sometimes.  It was a good way to pass the time.  But now I don't even bother if it's a younger person because they always seem distracted, either on the phone, messing with kids, or just generally staring right past me not wanting to make eye contact.  It's like they don't want to get "trapped" into a conversation.

As far as neighbors,  the only ones I talk to are pretty much my age.  The younger ones are hard to get to know since they stay cooped up in their houses or hop in their cars and take off somewhere.  Not so much as a neighborly wave.  I've even had them turn their backs to avoid even saying hello when I'm outside gardening.  

I think the younger generation is growing increasingly detached from participating in the real world.


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## Lewkat (Feb 21, 2022)

Verisure said:


> Including ours.


Speak for yourself.


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## Verisure (Feb 21, 2022)

Lewkat said:


> Speak for yourself.


It's like that is it?


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## Geezer Garage (Feb 21, 2022)

I live far enough away from my neighbors that it's not really an issue. We all wave to each other when we see each other on the county road with one exception, and I figure that's her problem. There is a couple down the road with two, tween daughters, that I visit occasionally, as I new there parents for many years who have both passed on, and there son since he was small boy. Very nice folks, and the girls are such an exception to most kids I see today. Don't think they have phones, and they spend most of their time on 4-H farm projects, horses, cows, and other critters. Have them them over several times during the summer for barbecue and cocktails. I think most folks who live out of town, and the suburbs, do so because they like their peace and quiet, and tend to be a little less outgoing, but we all did a little human interaction from time to time.


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## RadishRose (Feb 24, 2022)

Luckily, I have no problems with any of my known neighbors, old or young. There are occasional waves throughout. There are five I could count on for assistance in an emergency and vice/versa.  The others I've never met.


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## Nathan (Feb 24, 2022)

Lewkat said:


> But, we are not young any more and the generations have attitudinal changes.


True, time marches on.  Some older folks tend to assume that younger people are somehow deficient if they don't think like them.
Different life experiences = different life views.


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## Autumn72 (Feb 24, 2022)

Verisure said:


> That was a thousand years ago.


Do you think it truly died out the news is also notorious for killings still going on.


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## Autumn72 (Feb 24, 2022)

win231 said:


> Autism has many levels of severity & also many types.  Your friend probably has a milder form of Autism.


Maybe plain ole loneliness at severe levels  since she is stuck inside she has no new news.


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