# Holiday eating tips >>>



## Falcon (Dec 19, 2014)

Holiday Eating Tips







1.  Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table
knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if  you see carrots, leave
immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.



2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare... You cannot
find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has
10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an
eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me.
Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!



3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy.
Gravy  does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your  mashed
potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.



4. As for mashed  potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car
with an automatic transmission.



5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your
eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other
people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?



6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.
You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the
time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while
carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.



7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted
Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near
them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of
attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them
behind, you're never going to see them again.



8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if
you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day ?



9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory
celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.



10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or
get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips;
start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this
motto to live by:




"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, chocolate in one hand and wine in the other, body thoroughly used
up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO  what a ride!"




Have a great Christmas!!


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## RadishRose (Dec 19, 2014)

Yay! You're my kinda guy.


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## oakapple (Dec 19, 2014)

The only thing is, we don't want to arrive at 'the other place' sooner than expected do we?Also, I like carrot sticks, and I also like fruitcake, but not keen on the other foodstuffs you mention[how about some smoked salmon?]


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## Ameriscot (Dec 19, 2014)

Great tips!


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## Georgia Lady (Dec 19, 2014)

Open presents Christmas Eve.  Eat around 1:00 PM on Christmas and all the dessert you can. (only day I do this). Then best of all, turkey and ham sandwiches for supper. Yum yum!


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## Blaze Duskdreamer (Dec 21, 2014)

This was great -- though I actually love fruit cake and hate mince pie so here:  trade you my mince pie that the host foisted on me for the fruitcake they hoisted on you!


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