# Fear of Commas!



## SifuPhil (Apr 18, 2016)

I recently discovered a fear that I never knew I had.

_Commas_.

They have suddenly become my enemies, my archvillains, my nightmares. They hound me day and night.

I recently installed a program called Grammarly, which points out spelling and grammar mistakes in your writing, no matter where you are, online or off. It follows you, waiting for you to type something - ANYthing - then pounces on you with its smirky little red underlines, telling you where you misspelled something - 

- or used a comma wrong.

This is the report they sent me after only a week of having their sneaky little program peering over my shoulder ...
*
Your Weekly Writing Report*

79,312 words checked (you were more active than *99%* of Grammarly users)

431 mistakes made (you were more accurate than *90%* of Grammarly users)

6284 unique words (Your vocabulary was more dynamic (unique/total words)                                                     than *99%* of                                                     Grammarly users.)

*Top Grammar Mistakes

*

 1. Missing comma in compound sentence 

                                                          180                                                         mistakes                                                                                                              

   2. Missing comma after introductory phrase 
                                                          113                                                         mistakes  

   3. Missing comma after introductory clause 
                                                          85                                                         mistakes  




Seriously?!? 

Every place I had a comma, Grammarly told me it wasn't necessary. Then when I DIDN'T have one, Grammarly told me to stick one in.

COMMAS! THEY'RE AFTER ME !!!!


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## Wrigley's (Apr 18, 2016)

Grammarly, asking for a body-slam. NOW, before it's, too late.


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## jujube (Apr 18, 2016)




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## Warrigal (Apr 18, 2016)

:lofl: @ jujube


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## Shalimar (Apr 18, 2016)

Poor Timmy.


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## SifuPhil (Apr 18, 2016)

Wrigley's said:


> Grammarly, asking for a body-slam. NOW, before it's, too late.



I just herd, that Gramerly is sending sum peeple, out to sea yoo ...


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## Falcon (Apr 18, 2016)

I just sprinkle them around whether they're needed, or, not,


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## fureverywhere (Apr 18, 2016)

Plueeeeeze, the only way I passed grammar, after failing it twice, was a cheat sheet on my wrist and both sneakers.


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## jujube (Apr 18, 2016)

Timmy's teacher comes to call on the family.  Timmy meets her at the door.  

"Is your mother home, Timmy?" asks the teacher.  

"Nope, she don't be home."

"Well, is your father home?"

"Nope, he ain't here neither."

"Young man!  You know better than to speak like that! Where is your grammar?"

"She be home but she ain't up from her nap yet."


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 18, 2016)

So funny Jujube about Timmy!


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 18, 2016)




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## Guitarist (Apr 18, 2016)

> A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.
> "Why?" asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
> "Well, I'm a panda," he says. "Look it up."
> The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation. "_Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. *Eats, shoots and leaves.*_"
> ...



From _Eats Shoots and Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation,_ by Lynne Truss. 

The punctuation mark I have the most problems with is the apostrophe.  I have no problem USING it; I have major problems when, like a hyperactive comma, it pops up in places where it doesn't belong, especially in plurals. 

Doormats and mailboxes are the weirdest.  "The Smith's."  I always picture a forge, and wonder, "The smith's what?  Anvil?"  lol


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## tnthomas (Apr 18, 2016)

Guitarist said:


> Fear of Commas!



hahahaha, when I first saw the title I thought it said:   


> *Fear of Commies!*







:shrug:


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## Shalimar (Apr 18, 2016)

Tn, HaHaHaHaHaHa.


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## SifuPhil (Apr 18, 2016)

Guitarist said:


> From _Eats Shoots and Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation,_ by Lynne Truss.
> 
> The punctuation mark I have the most problems with is the apostrophe.  I have no problem USING it; I have major problems when, like a hyperactive comma, it pops up in places where it doesn't belong, especially in plurals.
> 
> Doormats and mailboxes are the weirdest.  "The Smith's."  I always picture a forge, and wonder, "The smith's what?  Anvil?"  lol



LMAO - yes! 



			
				tnthomas said:
			
		

> hahahaha, when I first saw the title I thought it said:
> 
> *Fear of Commies!*



OMG that is hilarious - thank you!


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## Shalimar (Apr 18, 2016)

Hey, I wanna hat. I belong to the Socialist Party. We pinkos wear pink hats!


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## SifuPhil (Apr 18, 2016)

"Pinko Commies" - a phrase I heard so many times growing up. 

I really thought that all Communists dressed in pink.


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## Butterfly (Apr 21, 2016)

Shali -- you are a sort of socialist, not a Commie.  Sorry, but you don't qualify for a pink hat.

Phil, I also heard "Pinko Commies" a lot growing up.  Where'd they all go, anyway?


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## Cookie (Apr 21, 2016)

Commies?  Very passe now, popular in the 50s and early 60s.  Not much fun for them having to wear all those drab clothes and not allowed to have nice things.  I think a pinko is a person who is not a card carrying commie, but just a sympathizer.  Most die hard commies in the west are very very old now or even dead as are most pinkos, although today many many live in Russia.


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## Susie (Apr 21, 2016)

Just love your brilliant take on commas, SifuPhil, wish I'd had it while still in the classroom, would have been both entertaining and educational!  :goodone:


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## tnthomas (Apr 21, 2016)

***apologies-in-advance, a little off topic***     NOT MEANT TO BE TERRIBLY POLITICAL



Shalimar said:


> Hey, I wanna hat. I belong to the Socialist Party. We pinkos wear pink hats!



One of the radio stations I listen to on my commute home is KPFK; they have many programs(such as Democracy Now! and Free Speech Radio News), presenting various perspectives of the politically left.   I hear statements like "conquering" and "overthrowing" capitalism.   I hear much about being_ *progressive*_,  so I'm thinking that is what *socialism* is now, at least in the U.S.   

As for Communists, I think that true idealistic communism is dead, and is morphing into something very much like....capitalism.  :shrug:

As for hats of that hue, the red fedora is not only fashionable, but is the logo for a great north American open source software company called 

Redhat.


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## Guitarist (Apr 21, 2016)

OK, it's late and I'm really sleepy but when I saw this thread title just now (even though I've seen it before) I thought it said "Fear of Comcast"!  lol


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## SifuPhil (Apr 22, 2016)

Susie said:


> Just love your brilliant take on commas, SifuPhil, wish I'd had it while still in the classroom, would have been both entertaining and educational! :goodone:



Thank you Susie - I also have podcasts on semi-colons and exclamation points.



Guitarist said:


> OK, it's late and I'm really sleepy but when I saw this thread title just now (even though I've seen it before) I thought it said "Fear of Comcast"! lol



LOL!

"Nooooo - not the cable guy!!!"


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## Shalimar (Apr 22, 2016)

Tn, funnily enough, I have a red fedora. Lol.


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## ancient mariner (Apr 19, 2018)

The Red Hat Society has become the international society dedicated to reshaping the way women are viewed in today's culture RHS supports and encourages women to pursue fun, friendship, freedom, fulfillment of lifelong dreams and fitness. It serves as the center point for all communications and opportunities for its members offering tools, tips, discounts, services and events specifically with Red Hatters in mind. The Red Hat Society has spent over a decade developing a strong online communication tool for Members assisting them in gaining new and exciting ways to enjoy life, sharing their unique and motivating stories and helping Members find local hatters and activities they can participate in. Women over age 50 are known as "Red Hatters," while those under 50 are lovingly referred to as "Pink Hatters."


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## ancient mariner (Apr 19, 2018)

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple. 


Jenny Joseph


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## C'est Moi (Apr 20, 2018)

Commas, no problem.   Superfluous apostrophes... argh.   :upset:


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## helenbacque (Apr 20, 2018)

Any help for colons and semicolons, apostrophes, ellipses?


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## RadishRose (Apr 20, 2018)

They say people should have a colonoscopy every 3 years.

Regular exercise should help with atrophies and don't look at eclipses without special glasses.layful:


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## Radrook (Apr 21, 2018)

That program seems more programed to harass than it is to teach. Thanks for the blog link, Will check it out.


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## Radrook (Apr 21, 2018)

Wrigley's said:


> Grammarly, asking for a body-slam. NOW, before it's, too late.



You sure as hell don't wanna mess with Grammarly. Dat's fo sure!


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