# Friend or Psychiatrist?



## Been There (Jan 6, 2023)

If you had a very serious issue (to you it is) that has been haunting you for years and finally have decided to tell someone in hopes that it may finally stop the pain and give you some relief, would you rather talk to your closest friend and trust that they keep it to themselves or would you prefer to discuss it with someone in the Psychiatric community? (Exclude a priest, rabbi or pastor)


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## Bellbird (Jan 6, 2023)

Depending on how close that friend really is, or I would chose someone that I am not close to.


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## Murrmurr (Jan 6, 2023)

If I talked to a professional about what's bugging me, they'd only prescribe a drug, maybe 2 drugs, so I'd only see someone in mental health if I thought that drugs would actually help.


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## Jules (Jan 6, 2023)

Between a friend and a specialist, I’d choose the latter. It may not be fair to burden your friend with it.


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## JustBonee (Jan 6, 2023)

Murrmurr said:


> If I talked to a professional about what's bugging me, they'd only prescribe a drug, maybe 2 drugs, so I'd only see someone in mental health if I thought that drugs would actually help.



  Yes,  truer  words were  never spoken.
If you can,  take your problem to someone who will not find it  an excuse to make money off of you.


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## Gemma (Jan 6, 2023)

My best friend that I truly trust is my husband and he is the one I would seriously discuss any issues with that I might have.


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## Murrmurr (Jan 6, 2023)

JustBonee said:


> Yes,  truer  words were  never spoken.
> If you can,  take your problem to someone who will not find it  an excuse to make money off of you.


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## Pepper (Jan 6, 2023)

A psychiatrist, but only if I had no friends or SF.


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## Murrmurr (Jan 6, 2023)

Pepper said:


> A psychiatrist, but only if I had no friends or SF.


Or a joint or some brandy...or a cat.

Not my cat, though. He's an arse-hole.


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## Pepper (Jan 6, 2023)

Hate the taste of brandy Frank.  But no, that would be solving the problem on your own.


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## Tish (Jan 6, 2023)

I am with @Murrmurr on this one.

The thing is no matter what you can't change the past.


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## Jaiden (Jan 6, 2023)

I think I would talk to a professional, but not a psychiatrist, as @Murrmurr  said, they tend to be all about drugs.  I would talk to a therapist or a social worker, someone whose professional focus is on talk therapy.


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## Myrtle (Jan 6, 2023)

Murrmurr said:


> Or a joint or some brandy...or a cat.
> 
> Not my cat, though. He's an arse-hole.


I can trust my cat. He knows where the catnip comes from.


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## Nathan (Jan 6, 2023)

IMO it would be better to talk to a counselor, who would be impartial and objective. Plus, as was mentioned, avoid burdening a friend.


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## 1955 (Jan 6, 2023)

The professionals are useless. As mentioned they’re good for handing out drugs. Sure, they’ll listen but it really comes down to you learning how to figure it out. Some things just can’t be reconciled and you have to accept that & move on. Sharing with a close someone else has the issue of it coming back to haunt you.


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## dobielvr (Jan 6, 2023)

I tend to talk to myself and figure things out eventually.  
(not out loud lol)


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## Gary O' (Jan 6, 2023)

Friend or Psychiatrist?​
A professional is sworn to secrecy 

A friend just swears they didn't tell anyone.....

Your dog, however, won't tell anyone
Mainly 'cause he doesn't care
but.....will listen intently,
and will like and lick you, no matter


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## Been There (Jan 8, 2023)

I have never been to a psychiatrist that offered me medications, other than to suggest taking Melatonin (which doesn't help) before bedtime. I have been to 2 different Psychiatrists and both referred me to a Psychologist. I do not have regular sleep hours. I live on naps.


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## Remy (Jan 8, 2023)

Psychiatrist or other professional in mental health care. For sure. For sure. For sure.

Believe me, as an abused child, most don't want to hear about it and could never relate without having the experience themselves. And this goes for most experiences people need help with IMO.


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## win231 (Jan 8, 2023)

Jules said:


> Between a friend and a specialist, I’d choose the latter. It may not be fair to burden your friend with it.


A real friend wouldn't consider it a burden.  I wouldn't.  Of course real friends are few.


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## Pepper (Jan 8, 2023)

win231 said:


> A real friend wouldn't consider it a burden.  I wouldn't.  Of course real friends are few.


Exactly what I thought.


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## HoneyNut (Jan 8, 2023)

Been There said:


> If you had a very serious issue (to you it is) that has been haunting you for years and finally have decided to tell someone in hopes that it may finally stop the pain and give you some relief, would you rather talk to your closest friend and trust that they keep it to themselves or would you prefer to discuss it with someone in the Psychiatric community?


I'd choose some sort of talk therapist, and depending what the issue was, possibly a moderated support group of other people with the same issue.

A friend is less likely to know how to respond and talk about it, and be more subject to temptations to gossip.


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## Pepper (Jan 8, 2023)

HoneyNut said:


> A friend is less likely to know how to respond and talk about it, and be more subject to temptations to gossip.


If a 'friend' gossips about you, how are they your friend?  An acquaintance maybe.


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## NorthernLight (Jan 8, 2023)

Been There said:


> If you had a very serious issue (to you it is) that has been haunting you for years and finally have decided to tell someone in hopes that it may finally stop the pain and give you some relief, would you rather talk to your closest friend and trust that they keep it to themselves or would you prefer to discuss it with someone in the Psychiatric community? (Exclude a priest, rabbi or pastor)


In the Canadian medical system, you have to be referred (by a GP) to a psychiatrist. I had a serious problem and tried to get a referral for 10 years. When I finally was referred, the psychiatrist prescribed an antidepressant. During subsequent visits, all she did was ask about how the drug was working, side effects, etc.

It didn't help me at all. So, to answer your question, definitely a friend.


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## Shalimar (Jan 8, 2023)

Gary O' said:


> Friend or Psychiatrist?​
> A professional is sworn to secrecy
> 
> A friend just swears they didn't tell anyone.....
> ...


I have seen the efficacy of support animals when almost everything else failed my clients.


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## Shalimar (Jan 8, 2023)

1955 said:


> The professionals are useless. As mentioned they’re good for handing out drugs. Sure, they’ll listen but it really comes down to you learning how to figure it out. Some things just can’t be reconciled and you have to accept that & move on. Sharing with a close someone else has the issue of it coming back to haunt you.


Not all of us are useless, and only psychiatrists are permitted to hand out drugs. As for moving on, not everything is amenable to self help. Sometimes we need professional guidance, if not to cure the problem,  then at least to hopefully find better coping mechanisms.


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## hearlady (Jan 8, 2023)

Bellbird said:


> Depending on how close that friend really is, or I would chose someone that I am not close to.


Yes, I might choose someone I trust but is not close to any party.


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## Gaer (Jan 8, 2023)

@Been There, Isn't Shalimar a trained psychiatrist?  She is right here on the forum!
Can you perhaps "personal message" her?


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## Shalimar (Jan 8, 2023)

Gaer said:


> @Been There, Isn't Shalimar a trained psychiatrist?  She is right here on the forum!
> Can you perhaps "personal message" her?


Gaer, I am a psychologist, not a psychiatrist.


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## Disgustedman (Jan 8, 2023)

Gary O' said:


> Friend or Psychiatrist?​
> A professional is sworn to secrecy
> 
> A friend just swears they didn't tell anyone.....
> ...


Well it all depends on what you talk about. They have to report if the client is abusing someone, or is a danger to themselves or others.

Past crimes, offenses aren't reported. But I'd talk with my dogs a lot. Sometimes I'd actually suspect he knew what I said as he'd cock his head as "WTF? You did that?"


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## Gaer (Jan 8, 2023)

Shalimar said:


> Gaer, I am a psychologist, not a psychiatrist.



Oh, Sorry


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## Shalimar (Jan 8, 2023)

JustBonee said:


> Yes,  truer  words were  never spoken.
> If you can,  take your problem to someone who will not find it  an excuse to make money off of you.


Some mental health professionals do a considerable amount of pro bono work. Many of my clients are vets, medical does not cover visits to a psychologist, although psychiatrist visits are covered. Might take months to get an appt, and they prefer to deal with biochemical mental illness rather than other mental/emotional illness.


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## Shalimar (Jan 8, 2023)

*I am surprised, and rather disheartened to see the distaste expressed by some posters toward the mental health professional community to which I belong. Are there pros who are in this sort of field for the money? Absolutely, but most of us do this worthwhile but very emotionally exacting work because we care about people. Many of my colleagues take pro bono clients, as do I. *


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## Teacher Terry (Jan 8, 2023)

There’s been a few times in my life that a well trained therapist was exactly what I needed to work out some problems. Of course having been educated as a therapist I knew what to look for to find a good therapist even though I decided not to remain in the field myself. Not only do you need someone skilled but they must be a match with your personality.


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## Sawfish (Jan 8, 2023)

Been There said:


> If you had a very serious issue (to you it is) that has been haunting you for years and finally have decided to tell someone in hopes that it may finally stop the pain and give you some relief, would you rather talk to your closest friend and trust that they keep it to themselves or would you prefer to discuss it with someone in the Psychiatric community? (Exclude a priest, rabbi or pastor)


A trusted friend, if you can.

Be sure to have plenty of good whiskey...

Good luck to you!!!


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## Jamala (Jan 8, 2023)

Shalimar said:


> *I am surprised, and rather disheartened to see the distaste expressed by some posters toward the mental health professional community to which I belong. Are there pros which are in this sort of field for the money? Absolutely, but most of us do this worthwhile but very emotionally exacting work because we care about people. Many of my colleagues take pro bono clients, as do I. *


Yes...I share your view on this. It surprises me too.


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## Pecos (Jan 8, 2023)

Been There said:


> If you had a very serious issue (to you it is) that has been haunting you for years and finally have decided to tell someone in hopes that it may finally stop the pain and give you some relief, would you rather talk to your closest friend and trust that they keep it to themselves or would you prefer to discuss it with someone in the Psychiatric community? (Exclude a priest, rabbi or pastor)


A good psychologist is trained to actually listen to what you are saying without running it through the filter of their own experiences and biases. If you have a friend or relative who can actually do that, then you are lucky.

Have you tried to use the local military hospitals in the DC area? I understand that Walter Reed and the Bethesda Naval Hospital were merged, so they should have a fairly large capability in this area.


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## 1955 (Jan 8, 2023)

Shalimar said:


> Not all of us are useless, and only psychiatrists are permitted to hand out drugs. As for moving on, not everything is amenable to self help. Sometimes we need professional guidance, if not to cure the problem,  then at least to hopefully find better coping mechanisms.


I appreciate your sincerity but as with many professional services trying to find a good one is like bobbing for apples. I’m sure there are some good ones but my experience has not been fruitful. When you’re suffering the last thing you to need to deal with is trying to find a useful psychologist or psychiatrist, unless you just want the drugs.

In my situation I just had to learn the coping skills myself. Maybe my collage psychology class was useful after all . So that’s why I stated my opinion.


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## Remy (Jan 8, 2023)

1955 said:


> I appreciate your sincerity but as with many professional services trying to find a good one is like bobbing for apples. I’m sure there are some good ones but my experience has been not been fruitful. When you’re suffering the last thing you to need to deal with is trying to find a useful psychologist or psychiatrist, unless you just want the drugs.
> 
> In my situation I just had to learn the coping skills myself. Maybe my collage psychology class was useful after all . So that’s why I stated my opinion.


I didn't realize, until I started going to an abuse support forum online (very well moderated, attacks are never tolerated) that there are a lot of lousy therapists out there. The first one I went to in my very early 20's actually verbally attacked me. I didn't go again until well into my 40's and it didn't do me a ton of good (though she was very competent IMO) but I wish I could afford therapy now. 

So I agree, it's a gamble to find a good therapist and it's expensive. A couple of YouTube channels have helped me, plus that forum. At least I know now I'm not the one who was nuts.


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## Bella (Jan 8, 2023)

Would I like to talk about it? Yeah, sometimes I would, but I don't like burdening others with my problems. I've found that while some friends are willing to listen, they're not all that comfortable hearing about it nor are they very helpful. Therapy is expensive and finding a good therapist is often like pissing in the wind. No offense meant to therapists.  I know there are good ones out there. So, in the short and long run, I've found it's just better to keep it to myself and work it out myself.


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## DebraMae (Jan 8, 2023)

I have had both good and bad experiences with therapists.  IMO a friend, no matter how much they care, just cannot understand some situations.


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## Pecos (Jan 8, 2023)

DebraMae said:


> I have had both good and bad experiences with therapists.  IMO a friend, no matter how much they care, just cannot understand some situations.


LOL,
In support of your post, I offer all the bad advice that periodically appears on this forum.


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## Jean-Paul (Jan 8, 2023)

neither, do your research and find your own solution you know yourself best

Jon


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## oldman (Monday at 8:17 AM)

I’m with Nathan on this one. I think talking with a Counselor, or even a Psychologist that has experience with PTSD or at least Veteran’s affairs, should be most helpful. A good friend would be a good listener, but how much help he or she could give you probably wouldn’t be anywhere near as much as a professional would be able to help.

I know some people feel better venting to a friend, but as for long term help, I doubt if that good feeling would last very long. I know it does help to talk to an understanding friend, but for me, that good feeling never lasted very long.


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## SeniorBen (Monday at 9:54 AM)

I've found this quote to be very true.    

Before _you_ diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that _you_ are _not_, in fact, _just surrounded_ by _assholes_.
~ William Gibson

I have no idea who William Gibson is, though. I could Google it, but my dog needs a walk.


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## Nathan (Monday at 10:29 AM)

Modern mental health is centered on results oriented strategies, rather than just treating the symptoms(like with drugs).   Drugs might indeed provide relief in the short term, but unless a patient has a severe condition like Schizophrenia the common approach for say, anxiety and depression would be with CBT.
I've had several separate occasions to talk with a counselor about specific life situations, have found them to be very helpful.


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## SeniorBen (Monday at 4:16 PM)

SeniorBen said:


> I've found this quote to be very true.
> 
> Before _you_ diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that _you_ are _not_, in fact, _just surrounded_ by _assholes_.
> ~ William Gibson
> ...


Gibson is a Canadian fiction writer and essayist.


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## SeniorBen (Monday at 4:20 PM)

Nathan said:


> Modern mental health is centered on results oriented strategies, rather than just treating the symptoms(like with drugs).   Drugs might indeed provide relief in the short term, but unless a patient has a severe condition like Schizophrenia the common approach for say, anxiety and depression would be with CBT.
> I've had several separate occasions to talk with a counselor about specific life situations, have found them to be very helpful.


Many books have been published on CBT where you can learn without the cost of going to a therapist, and also some websites... probably a wikipedia entry, too! Of course, for some people, talking through their problems with a non-judgmental stranger could be beneficial, i.e., a therapist or guy at the bar.


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## Jamala (Monday at 4:34 PM)

If one is lucky to have a husband who is also their best friend, then that is the best person.
Failing that, if a proven trusted friend who knows your history is willing to talk with you, then that is a super option.
It's a long road with a psychologist (however good they are), because they don't know your history. But if you have the time and money that may be a good option for some. 
My Granny was my rock!


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## Been There (Tuesday at 1:05 AM)

Pecos said:


> A good psychologist is trained to actually listen to what you are saying without running it through the filter of their own experiences and biases. If you have a friend or relative who can actually do that, then you are lucky.
> 
> Have you tried to use the local military hospitals in the DC area? I understand that Walter Reed and the Bethesda Naval Hospital were merged, so they should have a fairly large capability in this area.


Pecos:

I agree with using Walter Reed and Bethesda, (I have been there) however, every psychologist that I have sat down with seems to have the same things to tell me. It's like what they are saying is coming from a text book and it's a one size fits all issue, but it's not. People who have been in combat suffer different types of emotions and therefore; have different types of responses. 

Something as simple as seeing a child playing with a toy soldier or plane can trigger an emotion. I know how it must sound, but that's the truth. I could tell you things that I have done at times that would make you believe that I should be in a mental ward somewhere far from the "normal" people. 

These attacks can come on at anytime, but normally something usually triggers my response and that is where the problem lies. When I would go to a psychiatrist, I would tell them that I will not take any drugs. Drugs will not cure my issues. I don't know what will, but it's not drugs. It's not a disease that a pill will cure. I get it. Some drugs will relax me, but even so, being relaxed does not sometimes prevent my acting out. 

I will leave it at that.


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## fuzzybuddy (Tuesday at 7:59 AM)

Friend or Psychiatrist?​It depends on your "secret". You are going to drop a lot of responsibility on a friend. If it's criminal, that could involve the friend with all kinds of legalities. And what is the friend supposed to do? Be involved with a solution, or just listen. While it's human to want to tell secrets, can your friend handle your "secret". Your friend may not feel comfortable being involved with your life. Again, it all depends on your "secret". Since you say that you are in "pain", I doubt a friend could have the skills to help you.


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## Pecos (Tuesday at 9:58 AM)

Been There said:


> Pecos:
> 
> I agree with using Walter Reed and Bethesda, (I have been there) however, every psychologist that I have sat down with seems to have the same things to tell me. It's like what they are saying is coming from a text book and it's a one size fits all issue, but it's not. People who have been in combat suffer different types of emotions and therefore; have different types of responses.
> 
> ...


I can easily understand your reservations about getting the help you need from Walter Reed or Bethesda. You don't get to pick your doctor at a military facility, you are assigned to whoever is available and it is the "luck of the draw." They also rotated Doctors in and out of there so fast that they never really got to know me and my medical history. I was "booted" out of Eisenhower Hospital at Ft Gordon when I turned 65 and what I discovered was that the combination of Medicare and Tricare was a much better deal and enabled me to choose doctors myself.

I suspect that you may have much better in the civilian world even if you have to pay for treatment yourself. It is a shame that vets are not adequately supported when they have to deal PTSD. I have never used the VA for anything, but my understanding is that they are overwhelmed, and appointments are difficult to get.  

Don't give up, get the help you need.


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## NorthernLight (Tuesday at 11:10 AM)

fuzzybuddy said:


> Friend or Psychiatrist?​It depends on your "secret". You are going to drop a lot of responsibility on a friend. If it's criminal, that could involve the friend with all kinds of legalities. And what is the friend supposed to do? Be involved with a solution, or just listen. While it's human to want to tell secrets, can your friend handle your "secret". Your friend may not feel comfortable being involved with your life. Again, it all depends on your "secret". Since you say that you are in "pain", I doubt a friend could have the skills to help you.


If you've done something illegal, you might be of out of luck. Professionals are obligated to report you. Friends might not feel comfortable. 

Even Anonymous groups might not keep your secret. I've heard people share drunk driving stories and such, and everyone just laughs. But if you admit to certain acts of a ****** nature, some listeners will report you.


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## Pecos (Tuesday at 12:00 PM)

NorthernLight said:


> If you've done something illegal, you might be of out of luck. Professionals are obligated to report you. Friends might not feel comfortable.
> 
> Even Anonymous groups might not keep your secret. I've heard people share drunk driving stories and such, and everyone just laughs. But if you admit to certain acts of a ****** nature, some listeners will report you.


I have read a lot of his posts and am certain that what he is dealing with is combat related PTSD. Let’s not let this thread morph into something else.


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## NorthernLight (Tuesday at 12:14 PM)

Pecos said:


> I have read a lot of his posts and am certain that what he is dealing with is combat related PTSD. Let’s not let this thread morph into something else.


Okay, I thought it was a general discussion. Sorry.


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