# Why Alone?



## El Wapo (May 19, 2020)

I have looked for a nice women to know and all the dating sites not one answered... what are they wanting from me?


----------



## Rosemarie (May 19, 2020)

If they didn't have the good manners to even answer, surely you wouldn't want to get to know them anyway? It's only courteous to answer all messages even if it's only to say you're not interested.


----------



## Autumn72 (May 20, 2020)

Rosemarie said:


> If they didn't have the good manners to even answer, surely you wouldn't want to get to know them anyway? It's only courteous to answer all messages even if it's only to say you're not interested.


I think it's rigged to get you to keep payingif you meet someone you will not pay more I feel they collect only to keep the communication from getting through. I have a inbox nothing but photos. No messages  at all yet the strangers that run these keep saying you have to tons of messages yet none in your inbox. 

I don't need a strange person telling me to go online someone sent me a message yet there is messages and a pop-up for lots of some other sites to share must pay more to get in lots of wild men dressed in t shirts on their Harley's.  cannot read message from the other ones unless you sign up for their sites. Chats I do not like. Chats you have to join up. I have a inbox empty. I complain after $45.00 they take out Auto magically then message appears from someone you did not message to.

Ok I went for the Officer and a Gentleman one they flashed at me a picture of him walking away from .....his daughter or .. ...why I need a phone to get a printout of the last few months who is attached to my income.   The bank ran away two streets over and I can't breathe with those masks on to walk there. Can't call. Tried online banking once the bank let me do my business then completely shut me down. Too much controlling this bank has over me!!!!!!!


----------



## Rosemarie (May 20, 2020)

Autumn72 said:


> I think it's rigged to get you to keep payingif you meet someone you will not pay more I feel they collect only to keep the communication from getting through. I have a inbox nothing but photos
> No messages  at all yet the strangers that run these keep saying you have to tons of messages yet none in your inbox. I don't need a strange person telling me to go online someone sent me a message yet there is messages and a pop-up for lots of some other sites to share must pay more to get in lots of wild men dressed in t shirts on their Harley's.  cannot read message from the other ones unless you sign up for their sites. Chats I do not like. Chats you have to join up. I have a inbox empty. I complain after $45.00 they take out Auto magically then message appears from someone you did not message to.
> Ok I went for the Officer and a Gentleman one they flashed at me a picture of him walking away from .....his daughter or .. ...why I need a phone to get a printout of the last few months who is attached to my income.   The bank ran away two streets over and I can't breathe with those masks on to walk there. Can't call. Tried online banking once the bank let me do my business then completely shut me down. Too much controlling this bank has over me!!!!!!!


I'm sorry you have had such bad experiences. Personally I wouldn't advise anyone to actually pay to make friends. There are plenty of sites which don't charge anything. It really depends what you're looking for.


----------



## MarciKS (May 20, 2020)

Without more details it's a little difficult to make any kind of assessment on the situation.


----------



## Aneeda72 (May 20, 2020)

it’s pretty impossible to date right now, IMO, you will have to wait till the virus calms down in your area.  Then strike up conversations in grocery lines or wherever you are etc. with woman your age or the age you want to date.  Try and shop in the same places.

The senior center, church, parks other common places where woman are and be friendly, not pushy.  You’ll meet people, practice your social skills, and eventually make friends that can lead to dating.  It’s old school, but should work.  Or not, what do I know?  I’ve been married over 48 years in my second marriage, .


----------



## Judycat (May 20, 2020)

El Wapo said:


> I have looked for a nice women to know and all the dating sites not one answered... what are they wanting from me?


Just say you recently received a nice insurance settlement and are looking for someone to spend it with.


----------



## Ken N Tx (May 20, 2020)

Judycat said:


> Just say you recently received a nice insurance settlement and are looking for someone to spend it with.


----------



## Geezerette (May 21, 2020)

A lot of single (whether widowed or divorced) women in my generation feel that men in our generation are looking for a woman to be their housekeeper & servant rather than equal intellectual companion. Who needs it? I know interesting men to chat with at the Sr center, but would never want to bring any of them home with me.


----------



## hellomimi (May 21, 2020)

It's my first time to join a dating website and I've met some decent guys to chat with. Only time will tell if we keep on communicating. I'm leery of those who say they're in love after seeing my pic and profile!? Really? WTF! you must be in love with love.


----------



## JaniceM (May 21, 2020)

Geezerette said:


> A lot of single (whether widowed or divorced) women in my generation feel that men in our generation are looking for a woman to be their housekeeper & servant rather than equal intellectual companion.



I agree.  And another complication is too many look at single women as individuals they can live off..  been encountering this for a long time:  my most 'attractive feature' is the fact that I have a job.  Nope, not interested!!!!!


----------



## hellomimi (May 21, 2020)

El Wapo said:


> I have looked for a nice women to know and all the dating sites not one answered... what are they wanting from me?


Did you say more than Hi or Hello? If you introduce yourself, maybe they'll reply? 
I reply when they make an effort to introduce themselves and tell me they've read my profile.


----------



## katlupe (May 21, 2020)

I think you find someone when are not actively looking. Like going to dinners at your local churches or senior centers. I know a lot of my friends like to go to Bingo, so I imagine there would be a number of single ladies there. Some women are not looking for marriage but a companion to go places with. Just go to various activities in your area and meet people and you will be sure to meet some single women or someone will introduce you to someone they know.


----------



## Autumn72 (May 30, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> It's my first time to join a dating website and I've met some decent guys to chat with. Only time will tell if we keep on communicating. I'm leery of those who say they're in love after seeing my pic and profile!? Really? WTF! you must be in love with love.


What dating site did you make contact?


----------



## C'est Moi (May 30, 2020)

El Wapo said:


> I have looked for a nice women to know and all the dating sites not one answered... what are they wanting from me?


Apparently the answer is they don't want anything from you at all.


----------



## hellomimi (May 30, 2020)

Autumn72 said:


> What dating site did you make contact?


plenty of fish


----------



## hellomimi (May 30, 2020)

I didn't pay POF to upgrade. Most men there don't pay as well. I registered at this dating website with an open mind. It would be nice to have someone to chat with whose values, likes, dislikes, etc. aligns with mine. If I don't meet anyone interesting, no harm done.

I take advantage of this time of COVID-19 where there's no pressure to meet in person.  The closest (and safest) to meeting in person is video chat. My camera is off initially, so I can filter whether they're the same guy online. My posted pic is recent so I look the same on video. So far, so good.

 Most of those things I regretted not doing are those I got cold feet based on other's negative experience. I trust my gut feel with a lot of common sense thrown in. Yoda said do, or do not, there is no try.

I checked the other sites for seniors and there were fees just to see who you're matched with so I'm just on pof.


----------



## Ruthanne (May 30, 2020)

I have come to realize, sadly, that dating sites are not the best idea for me.  There are a lot of fake profiles and phony people on some of those sites.  Also romance scams happen too.  You are really lucky no one has tried to romance scam you.  Two men tried it on me.  Now I know what to look for to avoid them.  It's hard though.

I think it's a better idea to go to social events like dances--I think that's a better way.  I used to go to them years ago and met a few nice guys.  Nothing came of it, though.  

Better yet, I think I'd just rather be alone and not trying to find someone.  It's a real PITA!  I am really happy being alone with my pet family and knowing some kind neighbors I have.  We have some social events here and chat at times.  For right now, I think that's good enough for me.  I'm getting too old and too tired to try these dating sites anymore.  I seem to attract the wrong types.  I have made a friend though, so that's good!


----------



## Em in Ohio (May 31, 2020)

Experience has proven to me that I'm happier by myself.  As for dating. I am not interested.  The reason is that 'seniors' come with long histories and those histories can be obscured by criminal records being expunged, bankruptcies cleared, total fictions told that can't be uncovered.  So, the idea of a dating site seems far too potentially dangerous.  Please, follow the advice of others in your search for a companion/relationship - engage people in conversation in public places that you visit frequently.  (And do it with a smile!)


----------



## Liberty (May 31, 2020)

Em in Ohio said:


> Experience has proven to me that I'm happier by myself.  As for dating. I am not interested.  The reason is that 'seniors' come with long histories and those histories can be obscured by criminal records being expunged, bankruptcies cleared, total fictions told that can't be uncovered.  So, the idea of a dating site seems far too potentially dangerous.  Please, follow the advice of others in your search for a companion/relationship - engage people in conversation in public places that you visit frequently.  (And do it with a smile!)


Em, have you been married?  If so, have kids/grandkids?  Just wondering if you enjoy the kids.  Been taking a poll lately and its all over the board...lol.  Thanks in advance for sharing if you want to.


----------



## Em in Ohio (May 31, 2020)

Liberty said:


> Em, have you been married?  If so, have kids/grandkids?  Just wondering if you enjoy the kids.  Been taking a poll lately and its all over the board...lol.  Thanks in advance for sharing if you want to.


yes, yes, yes, yes (when I hear from them!)


----------



## bradshaw (Jun 6, 2020)

Em in Ohio said:


> Experience has proven to me that I'm happier by myself.  As for dating. I am not interested.  The reason is that 'seniors' come with long histories and those histories can be obscured by criminal records being expunged, bankruptcies cleared, total fictions told that can't be uncovered.  So, the idea of a dating site seems far too potentially dangerous.  Please, follow the advice of others in your search for a companion/relationship - engage people in conversation in public places that you visit frequently.  (And do it with a smile!)




i think you are missing out on alot


----------



## MarciKS (Jun 6, 2020)

bradshaw said:


> i think you are missing out on alot


what is it us ladies are missing out on? i'm curious.


----------



## bradshaw (Jun 6, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> what is it us ladies are missing out on? i'm curious.




not as a lady but as a human that connection


----------



## MarciKS (Jun 6, 2020)

bradshaw said:


> not as a lady but as a human that connection


i guess i just don't see myself as missing out on anything except the struggle and heartbreak that always seems to be associated with romantic relations. it's sad but, i've come to accept the terms and have learned to deal with it. that's why some of us don't date. my life is more pleasant and fulfilling when i can do things for me. some people need other people to be happy. some of us have learned to live without. for me it's just more comfortable this way. 

i come home and i don't have to worry about having dinner on the table for HIM and when i was the last one home he NEVER had dinner waiting for me. i still had to stop and fix it. don't have anyone to argue with. i can set the heat and a/c where i want since i'm paying the bill. i can go where i want when i want without having to worry about upsetting the man as opposed to the man toodling off whenever with no consideration to the mrs. things like that. i can appreciate being alone and living for myself.


----------



## Em in Ohio (Jun 6, 2020)

bradshaw said:


> i think you are missing out on alot


Yes, I am missing out on the very things that helped me get to the realization that I am happier by myself.  I still have human connections, they just aren't fraught with the problems inherent in dating or marriage.


----------



## hellomimi (Jun 7, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> some people need other people to be happy.


And this is why they get disappointed if they rely on other people to make them happy. Happiness is a choice, we can all choose it and be happy and content by ourselves. If love beckons, it'll just add/multiply that happiness from within.


----------



## Lewkat (Jun 7, 2020)

I am too tired at my age to even contemplate going on a date.


----------



## MickaC (Jun 7, 2020)

Online dating ??? Any site that I have visited, the men on them think it’s their opportunity to be rude, vulgar, and so disrespectful. I have yet, not had a proper conversation with one. I’m not actively looking, but if there’s someone meant to be, I would think it through.

After 28 years of looking after a spouse like an adult child, couldn’t read or wright and didn’t want to learn, in his eyes, he saw nothing wrong with that. He was a farmer, the wife was the one who did everything involving pen, paper, reading and so on.....his first wife did that also, i’m not sure she even knew that he was illiterate, he definitely was a good lier, took me a couple of years to figure that out.

He depended on a wife to make his life for him.....that’s when I started to loose mine. Stuck it out for 28 years. Could not do it anymore. Was so lonely, no talking, communication, or simple conversation, had to play 20 questions, he got very annoyed, he didn’t think I needed to know the daily going on. I got myself in a trap.

I know it’s not fair that i’m talking about this, when he’s not hear to defend himself. 

I’m good being on my own, I have a life, and friends.

My door is somewhat open, in case the love of my life happens to enter, not holding my breathe, if not, that’s okay.


----------



## MarciKS (Jun 7, 2020)

MickaC said:


> Online dating ??? Any site that I have visited, the men on them think it’s their opportunity to be rude, vulgar, and so disrespectful. I have yet, not had a proper conversation with one. I’m not actively looking, but if there’s someone meant to be, I would think it through.
> 
> After 28 years of looking after a spouse like an adult child, couldn’t read or wright and didn’t want to learn, in his eyes, he saw nothing wrong with that. He was a farmer, the wife was the one who did everything involving pen, paper, reading and so on.....his first wife did that also, i’m not sure she even knew that he was illiterate, he definitely was a good lier, took me a couple of years to figure that out.
> 
> ...


Yeah...nothin says lovin like a man who messages you with "Hey baby"


----------



## sehr alt (Jun 8, 2020)

Liberty said:


> Em, have you been married?  If so, have kids/grandkids?  Just wondering if you enjoy the kids.  Been taking a poll lately and its all over the board...lol.  Thanks in advance for sharing if you want to.


----------



## sehr alt (Jun 8, 2020)

MickaC said:


> Online dating ??? Any site that I have visited, the men on them think it’s their opportunity to be rude, vulgar, and so disrespectful. I have yet, not had a proper conversation with one. I’m not actively looking, but if there’s someone meant to be, I would think it through.
> 
> After 28 years of looking after a spouse like an adult child, couldn’t read or wright and didn’t want to learn, in his eyes, he saw nothing wrong with that. He was a farmer, the wife was the one who did everything involving pen, paper, reading and so on.....his first wife did that also, i’m not sure she even knew that he was illiterate, he definitely was a good lier, took me a couple of years to figure that out.
> 
> ...


----------



## sehr alt (Jun 8, 2020)

Yes, finding that right other person is difficult. But I did get crazy lucky about 22 years ago. We had seen no photos of each other, but agreed to meet anyway. We were mutually attracted to each other, and after short time she invited me to move in with her. I did that, and so began the best relationship of my life. It lasted until fate took her away from me after 20 years. Since then I've been trying  to get lucky once again, but luck has eluded me.


----------



## deesierra (Jun 8, 2020)

El Wapo said:


> I have looked for a nice women to know and all the dating sites not one answered... what are they wanting from me?


Can't reply without knowing what your post was. And did you post a picture? Are you a senior?


----------



## MickaC (Jun 8, 2020)

sehr alt said:


> Yes, finding that right other person is difficult. But I did get crazy lucky about 22 years ago. We had seen no photos of each other, but agreed to meet anyway. We were mutually attracted to each other, and after short time she invited me to move in with her. I did that, and so began the best relationship of my life. It lasted until fate took her away from me after 20 years. Since then I've been trying  to get lucky once again, but luck has eluded me.


So, TRUE LOVE does exist....So happy you found her.....So sad you had to loose her.


----------



## hellomimi (Jun 8, 2020)

sehr alt said:


> We had seen no photos of each other, but agreed to meet anyway.


One thing I've learned about men is they are visual, which means they see something in a woman they find attractive. Your experience is quite rare. With online dating,  I  remember a guy tell me he will be at the meeting place we agree. If by chance, I feel deceived that he doesn't look like the man in the profile, I can walk on by....and run  We're not there yet. 

Overall, my online dating experience(s) have not been bad at all. I just take everything in stride and keep an eye on red flags. I'd like to think there must be one real human that sticks to be a good friend, at least. I keep a positive mindset all the time and believe all of us should be given a chance. I trust but verify


----------



## MickaC (Jun 8, 2020)

@hellomimi   I certainly must be doing something wrong. I've yet to come to meet anyone, that would even be close to being a friend, besides anything more. Sites i've come across have seemed to be just money pits.... certtainly haven't given any to them.


----------



## MickaC (Jun 8, 2020)

I'm not living everyday, hoping someone will be at my door. I'm perfectly fine, on my own, i take care of my own house, yard, projects i create in the yard, etc., if there's something i can't do, i hire someone.......To all you guys of the opposite gender......may sound like i dislike you, but i don't.


----------



## hellomimi (Jun 8, 2020)

@hellomimi   I certainly must be doing something wrong. I've yet to come to meet anyone, that would even be close to being a friend, besides anything more. Sites i've come across have seemed to be just money pits.... certtainly haven't given any to them.
[/QUOTE]
@MickaC, I don't think there's a formula out there. Just present who you are in your profile, make sure your pic is recent. Sometimes it takes a while for a decent gentleman to notice you, just be patient. If there's someone meant to be your friend/lover, your paths will cross.

Keep a positive outlook and an open mind. I avoid whispering to the universe I don't need/want a man in my life. I want to attract positivity and dispel negative vibes.


----------



## hellomimi (Jun 8, 2020)

MickaC said:


> I'm not living everyday, hoping someone will be at my door. I'm perfectly fine, on my own, i take care of my own house, yard, projects i create in the yard, etc., if there's something i can't do, i hire someone.......To all you guys of the opposite gender......may sound like i dislike you, but i don't.


If you re-read what you just wrote, the message it implies is you are already self sufficient, men may get intimidated. I know they like to feel needed although most shy away from needy women. It's not that you dislike them but you have to project a need they can fill in your life. Put up a pic that reflects you're taking care of yourself and see the results.I hope you're not offended by this, I am on your side.


----------



## Ceege (Jun 8, 2020)

Stop looking for a romantic interest and start looking for friends.  A lot of relationships began with a simple friendship.


----------



## MickaC (Jun 8, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> If you re-read what you just wrote, the message it implies is you are already self sufficient, men may get intimidated. I know they like to feel needed although most shy away from needy women. It's not that you disligske them but you have to project a need they can fill in your life. Put up a pic that reflects you're taking care of yourself and see the results.I hope you're not offended by this, I am on your side.


Not offended at all. Thank you so kindly for your input. I do choose the wrong way of saying things sometimes.......What is in my heart and mind is.....someone to share with, enjoy company, support emotionally......not looking for support financially, or a hired man.....just being together and enjoying quality time. There.... i think i spoke better.......Thanks again. Enjoy the rest of your day.


----------



## MickaC (Jun 8, 2020)

Ceege said:


> Stop looking for a romantic interest and start looking for friends.  A lot of relationships began with a simple friendship.


You're another one that's totally right.....quality friendship is the place to start.....Thank you as well.


----------



## Keesha (Jun 8, 2020)

MickaC said:


> I'm not living everyday, hoping someone will be at my door. I'm perfectly fine, on my own, i take care of my own house, yard, projects i create in the yard, etc., if there's something i can't do, i hire someone.......To all you guys of the opposite gender......may sound like i dislike you, but i don't.


Ahhhh.......that was so heart felt. I do get what you’re saying completely and can relate. Not that I’m looking for someone but the independence streak you have.

That was so nice seeing ladies helping each other out. How sweet.


----------



## Leann (Jun 8, 2020)

Ruthanne said:


> I have come to realize, sadly, that dating sites are not the best idea for me.  There are a lot of fake profiles and phony people on some of those sites.  Also romance scams happen too.  You are really lucky no one has tried to romance scam you.  Two men tried it on me.  Now I know what to look for to avoid them.  It's hard though.
> 
> I think it's a better idea to go to social events like dances--I think that's a better way.  I used to go to them years ago and met a few nice guys.  Nothing came of it, though.
> 
> Better yet, I think I'd just rather be alone and not trying to find someone.  It's a real PITA!  I am really happy being alone with my pet family and knowing some kind neighbors I have.  We have some social events here and chat at times.  For right now, I think that's good enough for me.  I'm getting too old and too tired to try these dating sites anymore.  I seem to attract the wrong types.  I have made a friend though, so that's good!



Wow, Ruth, I could have written your post. My experiences exactly!


----------



## Ruthanne (Jun 8, 2020)

Leann said:


> Wow, Ruth, I could have written your post. My experiences exactly!


It's good to have someone to relate to but sad that it happened that way.  I've deleted my account at the dating site now for several days and I feel an actual relief from that.  Not knowing what to expect next on those sites is nerve wrecking at times.  I'll stay  happy with the pet family and my friends here at the apt. place.  Best wishes to you!


----------



## Patros (Jun 9, 2020)

We can have human connection without “romantic” connection. I have plenty of human connection. I’m not interested in a “romantic” relationship, being very happy living independently.


----------



## MickaC (Jun 9, 2020)




----------



## MickaC (Jun 9, 2020)

@Patros     Nice to see you here. Hope you find what you're interested in here. ENJOY.


----------



## MarciKS (Jun 9, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> One thing I've learned about men is they are visual, which means they see something in a woman they find attractive.


LOL! I got a jelly donut if anyone is interested. ~Waggles brows~


----------



## hellomimi (Jun 9, 2020)

MickaC said:


> View attachment 108940


Indeed! We attract what we wish for that's why it's important to guard our thoughts. I believe in the saying, "Be careful what you wish for..."


----------



## Patros (Jun 9, 2020)

MickaC said:


> @Patros View attachment 108942    Nice to see you here. Hope you find what you're interested in here. ENJOY.


----------



## Leann (Jun 9, 2020)

Ruthanne said:


> It's good to have someone to relate to but sad that it happened that way.  I've deleted my account at the dating site now for several days and I feel an actual relief from that.  Not knowing what to expect next on those sites is nerve wrecking at times.  I'll stay  happy with the pet family and my friends here at the apt. place.  Best wishes to you!


I understand the sense of relief that comes with not being on dating sites. I was on one or two for a while but I never really enjoyed it. I love my life as it is. Best wishes to you, too.


----------



## OneEyedDiva (Jun 9, 2020)

bradshaw said:


> i think you are missing out on alot


Yeah...she's probably missing out on a lot of BS.  I agree with what @Geezerette, @JaniceM and @Em in Ohio have pointed out.  I'm not saying all men however, just what seems to be too many of them.


----------



## Em in Ohio (Jun 9, 2020)

OneEyedDiva said:


> Yeah...she's probably missing out on a lot of BS.  I agree with what @Geezerette, @JaniceM and @Em in Ohio have pointed out.  I'm not saying all men however, just what seems to be too many of them.


I had a tendency to be a compliant person in order to keep the peace or to maintain the status quo.  Because of that, I think, I attracted men who wanted someone to manipulate and control, to dominate.  I've changed.  I'm happier than I have ever been.  There are good men.  I just wasn't fortunate enough to be found by them.  The idea of looking now has no appeal.  I've found myself and am content.


----------



## Ruthanne (Feb 19, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> I have come to realize, sadly, that dating sites are not the best idea for me.  There are a lot of fake profiles and phony people on some of those sites.  Also romance scams happen too.  You are really lucky no one has tried to romance scam you.  Two men tried it on me.  Now I know what to look for to avoid them.  It's hard though.
> 
> I think it's a better idea to go to social events like dances--I think that's a better way.  I used to go to them years ago and met a few nice guys.  Nothing came of it, though.
> 
> Better yet, I think I'd just rather be alone and not trying to find someone.  It's a real PITA!  I am really happy being alone with my pet family and knowing some kind neighbors I have.  We have some social events here and chat at times.  For right now, I think that's good enough for me.  I'm getting too old and too tired to try these dating sites anymore.  I seem to attract the wrong types.  I have made a friend though, so that's good!


What's so shocking @Autumn72 ?


----------

