# Brother died no family



## Tara (Jun 25, 2021)

My brother died. We shared a house together.   I am a youthful 75 yr old lady.  His friends are trying to help me with the financial worries.  The executor wants me to move to retirement home in a few months because he says the wiring is too dangerous.  I own the
House now and I have no family left.  Brother died on memorial day.

I am alone in the world.  He is like rushing me.  He wants me to look at different homes with him.i do not want to do this. I am interested in the Moravian manor in Lancaster. Pa.  
I am in good health.  What do you think? I do not think that there would be a fire here even with the old fuse box. Is there a waiting time for the. Moravian manor?


----------



## hollydolly (Jun 25, 2021)

Welcome to the forum Tara... Condolences on the loss of your dear brother. I'm sorry I can't help with your query, I'm not in the US.. but someone will be along soon who might be able to help... 

Do take care,I hope you come to a resolution soon


----------



## Kaila (Jun 25, 2021)

Welcome, Tara.

I am so sorry for your loss of your brother.
And that you have no other family.  It's very difficult, I know.

I don't think the executor should be rushing you.  Try to not let the rushing happen. 
You will make a better decision, if you take more time to make it.
And it is an important decision which will matter a great deal, and for a long time into the future , for you.

I don't know anything about that specific place that you are considering.  But I would resist being rushed. You deserve and should have the time you need.

There are many nice people here, who will have ideas for you,
and who will understand.


----------



## HarryHawk (Jun 25, 2021)

If you are happy with where you are and your current lifestyle, you should stay where you are at.

I will say several of my friends and relatives have moved into an independent living senior community and enjoy it very much.  Having spoken to these folks, my wife and I just recently decided to move into a independent living senior community, I think it will suit us well.

Do what you think is best for you.  If you decide to stay in your home, you can always move to another location sometime in the future.  At least don't be in a hurry to do anything, if you are interested you can spend the next several months investigating options.


----------



## helenbacque (Jun 25, 2021)

It's too soon after your brother's death to make any drastic changes.  Does the executor have a financial interest in this?  .... or other reason to be pushing you to make life altering changes so quickly?  Do you have an attorney protecting your interests in this matter?

And welcome.


----------



## katlupe (Jun 25, 2021)

Welcome Tara, to our forum. I am so sorry about your brother. 

 "The executor wants me to move to retirement home in a few months because he says the wiring is too dangerous. I own the
House now"

Can you have an electrician come in and look at the wiring? I am suspicious of the executor rushing you. Does he get a payment for the selling your house? If you need the electrical work done to make the house safe, you possibly could get help through your local weatherization or HEAP programs. I would contact the office of the aging in your area and they will help you. 

I think you should take your time and not let anyone rush you into making choices you will regret.


----------



## SmoothSeas (Jun 25, 2021)

Welcome aboard, Tara...

I recently joined SF, too.  I'm also an elder orphan, though I was the only child of a single parent and never enjoyed having siblings.

You've gotten some sage advice from the posters above.  And, I agree, don't rush. Take the time to reconnoiter and examine what it is you really want.  It's only been a few short weeks, so everything is still raw.

Call on your inner resources and don't be pushed or bullied by that executor.  If he's an attorney, I'd file a grievance with the state bar.  He sounds like an unconscionable individual.

Check back in.  We're here to support you...


----------



## Kaila (Jun 25, 2021)

I too, thought of what @katlupe  said in an above post.

Why not have an electrician inspect and advise you?

That would need to be done before selling anyway, 
and you could use the info to decide better, what you want to do.
You own the house, not the executor or anyone else.


----------



## Aunt Bea (Jun 25, 2021)

If money is not an issue I would stay put and consider my options until next spring.

If money is an issue then I would sell and look for a small senior citizen apartment that I could manage on my income.

Good luck with this difficult decision.


----------



## Gaer (Jun 25, 2021)

You own the house.  Give the executor no thought.
I'm around your age and healthy too. When my husband died, everyone was pushing me to move to another state. "When are you moving?  Where are you moving?"  They were grabbing his tools and guns to buy or steal!
"Hey folks!  I'm still here!"
They thought as soon as he died, my life was OVER!
These guys are right!  
Don't make any decisions for a few years!
Have an electrician check the place out.
Make NO decisions out of FEAR!
Does the executor have a legal right to kick you out of your home?  Find out!
Why are you considering a retirement home if you're still young and healthy?  
Tell the executor to "Take a hike!"


----------



## RadishRose (Jun 25, 2021)

Welcome,Tara. I am nervous about electricity/fire myself, so I would have it inspected for safety, asap.

Then make your decision whether to repair or move.

I am sorry about your brother and wish you the best.


----------



## Jules (Jun 25, 2021)

Sympathies for the loss of your brother.  

Depending on the age of executor, he may have no concept that 75 doesn’t make you incapable.  

If you co-owned the house with your brother, it may just be easier paperwork for him if you sell and move.

Be cautious on the advice.  There may or may not be an ulterior motive from the executor.  Is he/she a relative.


----------



## timoc (Jun 25, 2021)

It sounds to me like the executer has a vested interest in this property, maybe that is why he is doing a demolition job by telling you this and that are faulty and dangerous. Perhaps he wants be responsible for selling the house and buying it himself, on the cheap.
There is some good advice in the above posts, so, the house is yours, tell the executer that you will have your own people in to check the place out and carry out repairs or even sell it yourself.
Whatever you decide I wish you good luck, oh, and welcome to the forum.


----------



## SmoothSeas (Jun 25, 2021)

timoc said:


> It sounds to me like the executer has a vested interest in this property, maybe that is why he is doing a demolition job by telling you this and that are faulty and dangerous. Perhaps he wants be responsible for selling the house and buying it himself, on the cheap.



See, someone else is suspicious of ulterior motives, as well.

Beware and trust your own instincts...


----------



## Geezerette (Jun 25, 2021)

I agree with timoc. My first thought was who gets the house in the will and any other assets. As long as you aren’t in any hurry, don’t al
low them to rush you. Also, with your dear brother gone you may need to update your own will.
Call Moravian Manor, ask about their wait list or occupancy, have them send you their literature. Make a visit there if possible.


----------



## Gaer (Jun 25, 2021)

I'm wondering why the executor is interested in your home?  Did your brother have partial ownership?
If it's YOUR PROPERTY, why does he have even an opinion of your home or your future?


----------



## Myquest55 (Jun 25, 2021)

It would be helpful to know how your brother worded his will.  General consensus is that, after the death of a spouse, partner, or someone close to you - never do anything for a YEAR!!  When the partner of a friend of mine passed away (2007), all his friends swooped in to tell her that "he always said I could have this, or that!"  Some of them came in the night and stole things or damaged things that they thought they should have gotten.  She is now homeless and trying to survive.  Don't let him talk you into anything!!  If you can, hire an attorney to run interference and protect your interest!!


----------



## John cycling (Jun 25, 2021)

Tara said:


> I am alone in the world.



Well, now you have friends here on this forum. 



Tara said:


> He is like rushing me.  He wants me to look at different homes with him.i do not want to do this.



Who is the executor?  Why is he trying to push you around, and who owns the house?



SmoothSeas said:


> Call on your inner resources and don't be pushed or bullied by that executor.  If he's an attorney, I'd file a grievance with the state bar.  He sounds like an unconscionable individual.



I completely agree.  He sounds like a crook.  
You should do what you want to do, and don't let anyone try to tell you what to do.  
Make up your own mind, and do what you feel is best for you, including staying in the house if that's what you want.


----------



## Murrmurr (Jun 25, 2021)

Tara, the company that provides electricity to your home might have a program for seniors where they come out and check your wiring for free. Most utility providers do. If they find any problems and you are in the low-income bracket, they will even fix the wiring for free or for reduced charges.

If I were in your shoes, I would tell that executor to go soak his head.


----------



## Tara (Jun 25, 2021)

I have the old fuse box in a old house.  It is not up to code.


----------



## Murrmurr (Jun 25, 2021)

Tara said:


> I have the old fuse box in a old house.  It is not up to code.


Your electricity provider will replace it.


----------



## Tara (Jun 25, 2021)

Gaer said:


> You own the house.  Give the executor no thought.
> I'm around your age and healthy too. When my husband died, everyone was pushing me to move to another state. "When are you moving?  Where are you moving?"  They were grabbing his tools and guns to buy or steal!
> "Hey folks!  I'm still here!"
> They thought as soon as he died, my life was OVER!
> ...


He was my brothers former boss and good friend he says he wants to help me but he wants to tear down the house because it has a lot wrong with it. I do  not get much social security.


----------



## Kaila (Jun 25, 2021)

He should not make that decision, and no one should pressure or hurry you to make any, Tara.
Tell him you want to take your time, to think about it.
Keep repeating that to him, if necessary.

Or tell him no, not now.
And then, get someone else, to look and tell you what repairs would be needed, to keep you safe,
until you have time to make a better, more long-term decision.

I wonder why neither he nor your brother, when your brother was there, thought the house was not safe enough to fix up, for a while longer.  What is the rush now, that your brother did not feel rushed about, and his "friend" did not rush him into it?

Now that it's just you, the "friend" is pressuring you and frightening you.
I would find out what repairs it needs.
Tell him you will not decide to sell so quickly.


----------



## Kaila (Jun 25, 2021)

If you have any Agency of Aging, call them, and ask for someone to truly help you.
This helper who suddenly wants to tear your house down, and to sell....
doesnt sound like the type of helper you need.


----------



## John cycling (Jun 25, 2021)

Tara said:


> He was my brothers former boss and good friend he says he wants to help me but he wants to tear down the house because it has a lot wrong with it. I do  not get much social security.



He can not tear down the house without your permission unless he's the owner.
I'm curious how he would benefit if the house was torn down, and why he wants you to move out.
It sure seems to me that he is not looking out for you, but rather for his own benefit - and contrary to yours.

As long as you are the owner, you can do what you want with the property.  
Maybe you need to find out more of what your rights are, from elsewhere, and in what ways that he's overstepping.


----------



## AprilSun (Jun 25, 2021)

Tara, this is too soon to be making any major decisions of any kind and where you are going to live is a major decision. After a death in the family none of us think like we should to be making this type of decision. You are not thinking clearly and I say this from experience. Give your self more time!


----------



## Packerjohn (Jun 25, 2021)

Two points:
1. Don't let anyone "put the booths to you."  They say when a spouse dies or a marriage breakdown; don't make any big decisions for 12 months.  Good advice.
2.  Sounds fishy but you and brother lived here for X years and the place did not burn down.  Now, suddenly your told that you better move ASAP before the place burns down due to poor wiring.  I would get a professional electrician to give you his honest, non-biased opinion of the wiring.
Remember, don't let anyone push you around.  I sure hate hearing stories about seniors being forced into some sort of senior place unless they themselves have decided to do so.  Sometimes it's the kids but looks like the executor here.  Tell him, "thank you for the advice but no thank you."


----------



## SeaBreeze (Jun 25, 2021)

Welcome Tara.  Very sorry to hear you lost your brother, my condolences.  I agree with RadishRose, it's wise to have the house electric checked for safety, and repair or replace what's needed for you to stay there until you're ready to move somewhere else.  Please don't let anyone rush you or push you into doing anything.  Wishing you the best.


----------



## SeaBreeze (Jun 25, 2021)

John cycling said:


> He can not tear down the house without your permission unless he's the owner.
> I'm curious how he would benefit if the house was torn down, and why he wants you to move out.
> It sure seems to me that he is not looking out for you, but rather for his own benefit - and contrary to yours.
> 
> ...


Good points, good advice!


----------



## Butterfly (Jun 25, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> Tara, the company that provides electricity to your home might have a program for seniors where they come out and check your wiring for free. Most utility providers do. If they find any problems and you are in the low-income bracket, they will even fix the wiring for free or for reduced charges.
> 
> If I were in your shoes, I would tell that executor to go soak his head.


A phrase I haven't heard in years, Murrmurr!  "Go soak your  head" was  one of  my mother's favorite sayings, along with "Go jump in the lake."

I agree with you -- I'd tell that executor to go soak his head, too!


----------



## Butterfly (Jun 25, 2021)

Kaila said:


> He should not make that decision, and no one should pressure or hurry you to make any, Tara.
> Tell him you want to take your time, to think about it.
> Keep repeating that to him, if necessary.
> 
> ...




Strongly agree!


----------



## terry123 (Jun 25, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> Tara, the company that provides electricity to your home might have a program for seniors where they come out and check your wiring for free. Most utility providers do. If they find any problems and you are in the low-income bracket, they will even fix the wiring for free or for reduced charges.
> 
> If I were in your shoes, I would tell that executor to go soak his head.


Welcome to the forum.  I agree with the others.  Give yourself some time.  Tell the executor that you have a lot to think about and you will get back with him.  If you don't have a personal attorney then check with your states Council on Aging.  Here in Texas you can consult with an attorney for a nominal fee to get started.


----------



## Butterfly (Jun 25, 2021)

Tara said:


> My brother died. We shared a house together.   I am a youthful 75 yr old lady.  His friends are trying to help me with the financial worries.  The executor wants me to move to retirement home in a few months because he says the wiring is too dangerous.  I own the
> House now and I have no family left.  Brother died on memorial day.
> 
> I am alone in the world.  He is like rushing me.  He wants me to look at different homes with him.i do not want to do this. I am interested in the Moravian manor in Lancaster. Pa.
> I am in good health.  What do you think? I do not think that there would be a fire here even with the old fuse box. Is there a waiting time for the. Moravian manor?



Tara --

Sounds like this guy is giving you the bum's rush for whatever reasons of his own.   BEWARE of people (whoever they are) trying to "help" you -- they may have their own interests in doing so.

1.   First off, did your brother leave a will?  If there is no will to probate, there cannot be a legal executor.   If there's a will, do you have a copy?  IF there's a will, is it already in probate?  Seems way too fast to me, since your brother only died in late May.  Usually death certificates aren't even issued that fast and most places you have to have to have the death certificate to file a formal probate.

2.  Who actually owns the house?  Did you and your brother own the house together, and if so, how did you own it -- in joint tenancy with right of survivorship, or as tenants in common?  If it was in joint tenancy, the house passes to you by operation of law, without probate.  If you do not know how the house is owned, you can get a copy from your county clerk or recorder or whoever records deeds in your county.   Call 'em up and ask them how to request a copy.  

3.  VERY IMPORTANT -- in most jurisdictions there is a Senior Citizens' Law Office (or under some other name) who will give you free or very reduced rate legal services to answer questions and otherwise help protect your rights in theses kinds of issues.  Check with your local council on aging or whatever you have there.  They can give you guidance in finding out who can help you.

4.  As to financial issues, be careful you are not stampeded into paying any bills that you are not legally required to pay -- he was your brother, not your husband, so in most places there would be no community property bills unless you have legally obligated yourself to pay them (like if you and he had a mortgage or car loan together or if you had signed on to be legally responsible for medical bills)

5.  You need good legal advice that is particular to your state.  Either check out some senior citizens' local law advice or find a private attorney to answer questions and advise you.  Even if you have to pay for an appointment for guidance it would be money very well spent to get reliable legal advice about exactly where you stand.  Not to get legal advice now could cost you way more money down the road if you don't know where you stand right now.

I wouldn't do a single thing until I had consulted someone for legal advice.  I also wouldn't tear down a house I could live in until I knew (from an expert) that there was no reasonable option (like fixing the wiring).


----------



## Kaila (Jun 26, 2021)

Butterfly said:


> I wouldn't do a single thing until I had consulted someone for legal advice. I also wouldn't tear down a house I could live in until I knew (from an expert) that there was no reasonable option (like fixing the wiring).


I agree.
Plus, I wouldn't tear down a house I might sell, without lots more info on whether that is truly worth doing, and advantageous or not.

In some States, the first interview regarding an issue/situation,
with most any lawyer is free, and one can ask quite a few useful questions during that, and it could be done on the phone.


----------



## JonDouglas (Jun 28, 2021)

Welcome, Tara, and know there's some very good advice and support here.


----------



## Tara (Jun 28, 2021)

Kaila said:


> If you have any Agency of Aging, call them, and ask for someone to truly help you.
> This helper who suddenly wants to tear your house down, and to sell....
> doesnt sound like the type of helper you need.


I do not have enough money to pay the household bills.  Utilities and other.  They do not think it is good enough to flip. He wants me to leave first before he sells it for the land.i do not want assisted living or need a.nursimg home I only get 633 in social security.  He wants th


----------



## Tara (Jun 30, 2021)

Kaila said:


> If you have any Agency of Aging, call them, and ask for someone to truly help you.
> This helper who suddenly wants to tear your house down, and to sell....
> doesnt sound like the type of helper you need.


My ex sister in law says she will stay and live with me and split the bills.  She is getting a lawyer . Most of the money is coming from my late brothers bank accounts to keep the house.i own it now.  I have some savings. I am a youthful senior but he  wants me in a. Nursing  home.


----------



## SeaBreeze (Jun 30, 2021)

Tara said:


> My ex sister in law says she will stay and live with me and split the bills.  She is getting a lawyer . Most of the money is coming from my late brothers bank accounts to keep the house.i own it now.  I have some savings. I am a youthful senior but he  wants me in a. Nursing  home.


That sounds good Tara, about your ex-SIL sharing the bills, great if that happens.  Don't listen to the executor, what he's saying sounds fishy, don't trust him or rush into anything.  Don't sign anything, be very wary.  Good luck, you can do this!  You have received some thoughtful advice here from caring people, you are not alone.


----------



## katlupe (Jul 1, 2021)

Tara said:


> I do not have enough money to pay the household bills.  Utilities and other.  They do not think it is good enough to flip. He wants me to leave first before he sells it for the land.i do not want assisted living or need a.nursimg home I only get 633 in social security.  He wants th


Apply for Social Security Income. They will supplement your check with a little more money each month.


----------



## Kaila (Jul 1, 2021)

It's a good suggestion, @katlupe 
But I think that the assets would disqualify someone from SSI.

However, they change rules all the time, and the rules differ in locations, so it is certainly worth investigating all options !

I hope that works out well for you, with your ex-SIL, Tara.
If not, try to find someone else.
You have the right to decide what you want to do.


----------



## Verisure (Jul 1, 2021)

I haven't read all of the replies but if you're living in a house then I can understand that it might be too much responsibility. You're only one year older than I so you're not really *OLD* yet and from what I can gather from your post you are probably in better shape than I. As I said, I haven't read all of the replies but has anyone recommended living in a flat?


----------



## Verisure (Jul 1, 2021)

Kaila said:


> ... This helper who suddenly wants to tear your house down, and to sell....
> doesnt sound like the type of helper you need.


I have the same impression.


----------



## terry123 (Jul 2, 2021)

I have never needed an attorney until a close friend died and named me executor of his estate.  Here in Texas you can get a one time visit for free which is not correct as they do charge a nominal fee of $20.00, which was fine with me.  There is a pro bono group of lawyers that donate some of their time to help people in this group. The attorney told me his group regularly charged $325.00 an hour but they donate their time to this project.  They probably get a tax write off for doing it.


----------



## mellowyellow (Jul 2, 2021)

Maybe he really is worried about your safety in the old place and wants the best outcome for you, if he’s not in the will and has no connection to the house, what other motive could there be to get you to move out?


----------



## RobinWren (Jul 2, 2021)

If there is an executor there is a lawyer. If the will is one made without a lawyer get it checked out, do not let anyone push you around. Talk to a lawyer, you have rights.


----------



## mellowyellow (Jul 2, 2021)

Being named executor is a thankless, tedious job, my sister told my brother to find someone else,


----------



## Butterfly (Jul 2, 2021)

mellowyellow said:


> Maybe he really is worried about your safety in the old place and wants the best outcome for you, if he’s not in the will and has no connection to the house, what other motive could there be to get you to move out?


Who knows what his motives are, but it can be very foolish to trust others who appear to have your interest at heart suddenly in a case like this and try to force you to do things you don't want to do.  Who knows?  He could have some kind of side deal with someone for the land, whilst she ends up in some dump of a nursing home, or some such.  

Anyone who has her true best interests at heart would have no problem with her getting some independent advice and trying to find a way to stay in her home.  As a matter of fact, if he truly has her best interests at heart, he would be helping her try to find some  help rather than trying to stampede her out of her home.

Never underestimate the duplicity of your fellow man, especially where there is money and/or valuable property involved.


----------



## Sunny (Jul 4, 2021)

Good advice here. I have nothing to add, except to say that I live in an independent community for "seniors" (over 55) and love it, especially for all the activities.  But I would not advise making any hasty decision about this.

Get an electrician. There are many good ones. If the electrical wiring is really unsafe, he can tell you that, and probably fix it. I would only rely on a professional's opinion about this.

If you like your home and want to stay there, make any necessary repairs (if affordable) and stay there. Meanwhile,, you can always continue investigating retirement communities.


----------



## Butterfly (Jul 4, 2021)

I agree with Sunny.

Do you KNOW your wiring is bad, or is that what you assume or what some non-electrician has told you.  An old fuse box doesn't necessarily mean your wiring in the house is bad.  I thought my kitchen wiring was "bad" years ago, because I kept blowing fuses; turns out the electrician said there wasn't anything wrong with the wiring, but the kitchen (old house) wasn't wired for the current that things like microwaves, etc. required.  Easy solution -- I had the electrician put a new circuit in the kitchen so it would handle that load, along with a new breaker box.  It wasn't all that expensive.


----------



## OneEyedDiva (Jul 5, 2021)

Condolences on the loss of your brother! So sorry about your current situation. I've always read and heard that after a traumatic event such as the death of a loved one, it's best to put off making major decisions for at least a year. My concern in your case however, would be about the condition of your home, particularly the electrical wiring and your safety. If you can make sure you'll be safe and secure in your home and manage paying what needs to be paid...then don't rush things. Just perusing some of the responses, seems like @Butterfly made some very good points.


----------



## Pecos (Jul 5, 2021)

mellowyellow said:


> Being named executor is a thankless, tedious job, my sister told my brother to find someone else,


That is a big understatement. It can take a lot more time than people ever realize until they are in that situation.


----------



## terry123 (Jul 5, 2021)

Pecos said:


> That is a big understatement. It can take a lot more time than people ever realize until they are in that situation.


Yes it is. My dear friend had no one else but me so I agreed to do it.


----------



## Tara (Jul 8, 2021)

The money my brother left me from his accounts will not last that long and the house will need a new roof and the wiring is not up to code.  My brother did tell me that they would only want the house for the land and location.              

My sil has a small house and she said she Would add on an extended room for me.

His former boss from one job is a young girl and she thinks because I am 75 I should be in a retirement community so I can be cared for.  So does his former major boss who is the executor.   I am youthful and my health is pretty good.  I feel awful because I feel that I am just their old person they want care for. It is a sickening situation.  I miss my brother and now I will lose my family home.


----------



## Ceege (Jul 8, 2021)

The advice I got, when my husband died, was to _not_ make any permanent decisions for_ at least_ one year because one is in shock that first year and can make some bad decisions.   So many people sell their homes right after a spouse's death and then regret it.  Tell the executor that you will make the decisions about _your_ life.  Your brother was not your guardian.  The executor is just supposed to make sure your brother's will is settled.  Not to take over your life.  

If you can't handle the house on your own, _you_ decide what to do about it and when.


----------



## Kaila (Jul 8, 2021)

I still recommend what has been suggested earlier in this thread.

You could contact any type of Senior Area Agency on Aging,
and every other possible local resource of information,
that might be able to direct you, to services that might help you with the cost and labor,
of the repairs your house needs,
so that you could possibly choose to stay in it.

It is possible that you might find some service or funding available in your area.  Non-profits or government agencies.
Social services.... any possible leads, to see how you might stay there. 
There is also help for paying for utilities and winterizing, in many places.


----------



## Jules (Jul 8, 2021)

Do you know what the land is worth?  Maybe it’s valuable and you’ll have enough to rent or buy a small apartment.  Check that out on your own.  Get three estimates from realtors.  You don’t have to act immediately. 

I’d definitely go slowly about putting any proceeds in with your former SIL unless your name is on the home too.


----------



## Kaila (Jul 8, 2021)

The ideas in this thread, might also help other people,
in addition to the original poster,

to come up with ideas, each of us, in their/our own situations.

There are times to make decisions, and times to delay making them.

There are times to stay in your home,

and there might also come a time
when we need, or are better off, to go through the difficult transitions of leaving it.

It is very difficult to reach out for help with either, but sometimes, we do need to at least try to see if help is available.


----------



## Butterfly (Jul 8, 2021)

Tara said:


> The money my brother left me from his accounts will not last that long and the house will need a new roof and the wiring is not up to code.  My brother did tell me that they would only want the house for the land and location.
> 
> My sil has a small house and she said she Would add on an extended room for me.
> 
> His former boss from one job is a young girl and she thinks because I am 75 I should be in a retirement community so I can be cared for.  So does his former major boss who is the executor.   I am youthful and my health is pretty good.  I feel awful because I feel that I am just their old person they want care for. It is a sickening situation.  I miss my brother and now I will lose my family home.



The trouble IS, Tara, that retirement communities can be VERY expensive -- a lot more so than staying in your own home. So you need a good idea of what it would cost to fix up your home, as well as what your house/land is worth so you can make an intelligent decision that doesn't leave you out on the street or in  some dump of a nursing home.  You need to be very careful here.


----------



## fancicoffee13 (Jul 8, 2021)

Tara said:


> My brother died. We shared a house together.   I am a youthful 75 yr old lady.  His friends are trying to help me with the financial worries.  The executor wants me to move to retirement home in a few months because he says the wiring is too dangerous.  I own the
> House now and I have no family left.  Brother died on memorial day.
> 
> I am alone in the world.  He is like rushing me.  He wants me to look at different homes with him.i do not want to do this. I am interested in the Moravian manor in Lancaster. Pa.
> I am in good health.  What do you think? I do not think that there would be a fire here even with the old fuse box. Is there a waiting time for the. Moravian manor?


If he is rushing you, bad idea.  Don't be rushed.  Get another opinion outside his knowledge.  Do not be rushed, he may be taking advantage of you in a way he is not letting you know about.


----------



## fancicoffee13 (Jul 8, 2021)

You can always get help from someone else and find out if there is another way.  Retirement homes are not for everyone.  Do not be rushed!


----------



## Ceege (Jul 9, 2021)

The advice you've gotten about seeking advice from senior agencies is _important_. There are programs and help out there for seniors we don't even know about until we seek them out.

I would also like to add that people who tell you that you should be in a retirement home because you are in your 70's are way off base.  I know people who are living on their own who are in their mid to upper 80's.  Because of medical advances, being in your 70's is like being in your 50's - 60's decades ago.  Go by what you believe you can handle.  No one knows you better than you do.  You know what you can handle and what you can't.

No matter what, don't let anyone rush you into decisions you might regret.


----------



## Sunny (Jul 9, 2021)

Good advice here. Do not be pressured into a "retirement home" prematurely.

Not sure what is meant by retirement home. There are independent residences for seniors, which are regular homes but you have to be a certain age to live there. And there is assisted living, sort of midway between independent living and a nursing home. And then there are nursing homes.

What does retirement home even mean?  Some people retire in their 50's, and very few are ready for any kind of a care facility at that stage of life.


----------



## Time Waits 4 No Man (Jul 9, 2021)

Tara said:


> His former boss from one job is a young girl and she thinks because I am 75 I should be in a retirement community...



William "Captain Kirk" Shatner is 90 years old and is still highly active and still working and living in his own home. So is Nehemiah Persoff (who is 101) shown here appearing on _Gilligan's Island_ playing an escaped dictator from South America. And he's still with his wife, ever since their marriage back in 1951. Both actors are 15 to 25 years older than you and yet are still living and in their own home.


----------



## Ceege (Jul 9, 2021)

I was just going to post about Betty White and found this.....

Betty White & 9 Other Actors Still Working In Their 90s
https://screenrant.com/betty-white-other-90-year-old-actors-still-working-today/


----------



## Alligatorob (Jul 18, 2021)

Hey Tara, I am late coming to this and I can see you have already gotten some good advice, I will try not to repeat it.

First of all my condolences on the loss of your brother, the combination of losing him and having to make some big life decisions has to be tough.  You have my sympathy.  And secondly you are doing the right thing thinking about this and trying to find a reasonable solution now, best not to let things go until you are forced into something.  A few observations for your consideration:

Hard to know about your executor, I would hope he is doing what he thinks best for you, but without knowing a lot more its hard for us to judge.  The best you can do is use your common sense, and get second opinions on things, and I think you are doing that.
Also hard to know what dangerous electrical means.  Lots of houses are not up to code and not wired as well as they should be and never have a problem.  Actually dangerous situations leading to fire or shocks are much rarer, but do happen.  If you can get the opinion of someone with good electrical knowledge that would help.  If not unless something has changed I think you have lived with this a long time, a little longer will probably be fine.
Same for the roof, if you do not have ongoing leakage fixing the roof can be safely delayed.  If you do it should be addressed, but sometimes a simple fix, well short of replacement, will work.
Figuring out something with your sister in law sounds like it might be a good idea, sharing expenses and taking care of each other could help both of you.  But again this is only something you can figure out, it depends on you, your sister in law, and your relationship, we don't know much about that.
One suggestion I have not seen is the possibility of a reverse mortgage.  I am no expert and do not have one myself, but I do know a few people who do and in your situation sounds like it might be something to consider.
Asking others for help and advice is good, a really good idea, but don't get overwhelmed with the diversity of advice you get, and try to weigh it all and make your own decisions.  I know you seem to be doing that, just keep at it.
Finally 75 is too young to assume that just based on age you cannot continue to live alone.  My grandfather lived on his own to 95, and we had a neighbor lady who made it to 99 still by herself in her house.  It is possible, it depends on you, your health, your resources, and what you want.  You know the answers to that better than anyone, I am sure you will make the right decision.
Best of luck with all this, and let us know how it goes.


----------



## Phoenix (Jul 20, 2021)

I am so sorry for your loss and all the distress the executor is causing you.  One thing that is a temporary fix for a leak in the roof is to pour a little powdered Metamucil on it.  It will harden into place.  My doctor told me about this.

Please wait to make the decision if you at all can.  It is recommended at least a year after the death.  Once you've sold your house, you can't go back and change your mind.


----------



## MickaC (Jul 20, 2021)

@Tara 
So sorry for your loss......i'm sure it's life changing for you.
Sounds like you're highly capable of taking care of yourself.
PLEASE......don't let anyone rush you into any decisions that you're not ready to make.
Take all the time you need to grieve......no rush.
Take all the time you need about relocating......that's a big change to be rushed into.
Take care of yourself.....Your future is #1 on your list.


----------



## Tara (Aug 5, 2021)

MickaC said:


> @Tara
> So sorry for your loss......i'm sure it's life changing for you.
> Sounds like you're highly capable of taking care of yourself.
> PLEASE......don't let anyone rush you into any decisions that you're not ready to make.
> ...


Aza do


----------



## Tara (Aug 5, 2021)

Thanks so much . My finance lady good friend said if my sil built an addition to her home and something happened to her down the line,. Her daughter and her boyfriend could kick me out.     I guess if I got like to 89;. They would put me in a nursing home. Could a lawyer help with that?


----------



## Kaila (Aug 5, 2021)

Tara said:


> finance lady good friend said if my sil built an addition to her home and something happened to her down the line,. Her daughter and her boyfriend could kick me out.


I don't know and am not a lawyer,
but my guess is that this is correct. You'd be kicked out then,
and this could happen even a very short time after you moved in.

There's nothing saying it wouldn't happen, a month later, and long before you are much older than you are.
Myself, I would find that too insecure,
but you have to weigh your own options.

If you do it anyway, then
You'd need a plan, ahead of time, in case it happens at a time you don't expect.  
I mean, it _would happen at any unexpected time, that might be a bad time for you.

Again, these are my guesses from life experience.  I am not an expert._


----------



## StarSong (Aug 5, 2021)

Tara said:


> Thanks so much . My finance lady good friend said if my sil built an addition to her home and something happened to her down the line,. Her daughter and her boyfriend could kick me out.     I guess if I got like to 89;. They would put me in a nursing home. Could a lawyer help with that?


Tara, welcome to the forum.  I'm sorry to hear of your brother's passing and your current dilemma.  

To begin with, people don't generally wind up in nursing homes unless their health is quite poor. 

If placed in your shoes I'd immediately take a long hard look at my finances. 

$633 a month in SS will not go very far anywhere in the US.  Your savings, the money your brother left you, and whatever can be gleaned from the sale of that property will need to sustain you for the long haul.  If the house is a money pit that will eventually need to be torn down, I'd be disinclined to put money into it.  

I'm a bottom line type person - I try to strip the drama and emotion from any crisis I'm facing to get a 20-20 view.  

You'd probably do well to separate your affection for the memories of this home and look instead at the practicalities of your next steps. That might be this executor's motivation.


----------



## Jules (Aug 5, 2021)

There are so many unknowns that could happen.  Don’t count on the word of a good friend - anything could change.  If she died or decided to sell, you might have no legal say whatsover.  

Have you checked out small rentals?


----------



## Aneeda72 (Aug 5, 2021)

Tara, sorry for your loss.  It must be so hard for you and I have no advice since you have already received good advice.

My mother lives in a senior apartment complex which is based on income so she has low rent.  She is 96 years old.  She lives alone and likes it that way.  If she can live my herself so can you.  Make your own decisions, and don’t be rushed into anything, as everyone else has already said.


----------



## Myquest55 (Aug 5, 2021)

Hi Tara, I hope things are going smoothly for you at the moment but you're doing the right thing to think of the future.  The plan to move in with your Sister-in-Law could be a good one.  I would suggest you sit down and talk to the mother and daughter about what could happen in future.  An attorney could draw up a proper lease agreement that gives you the option to stay for life.   Then, all three of you sign it.    --For those of your out there with better sense than I, will that work in her favor?


----------



## Tara (Aug 6, 2021)

Aneeda72 said:


> Tara, sorry for your loss.  It must be so hard for you and I have no advice since you have already received good advice.
> 
> My mother lives in a senior apartment complex which is based on income so she has low rent.  She is 96 years old.  She lives alone and likes it that way.  If she can live my herself so can you.  Make your own decisions, and don’t be rushed into anything, as everyone else has already said.


Please tell me more about your mother.s senior apartment complex. Is it in a good neighborhood?  I live in pa.  Thanks.


----------



## Aneeda72 (Aug 6, 2021)

Tara said:


> Please tell me more about your mother.s senior apartment complex. Is it in a good neighborhood?  I live in pa.  Thanks.


My mother lives in Washington state, in Seattle.  If you want to live in a state that takes care of its seniors, Washington is the place to be.


----------



## Kaila (Aug 6, 2021)

@Tara
You can go to
HUD.gov
And ask for your State, Pennsylvania.
and you will see they *do* have adjusted low rents for senior apartments, in many locations in your State.

They also have programs for home owners to help with home repairs.

You could look at either option, on that site,

OR even better for you,  would be for you to contact any local agency near you,  (a town or city office, or a senior services center)

and ask them for a list of the HUD-assisted Senior apartments closest to you, preferably in your area,
that you could find out exactly where those specific ones are,
their neighborhoods,  and about their wait lists.

That same local town office or agency,
you can also ask for info regarding any/all possible help programs for your home, if you were to try to stay in your house.

You might also try
pa.gov
and look for Senior info, there, to look for both types of options, including low income apartments , and/or, home repair help programs.


----------



## Kaila (Aug 6, 2021)

@Tara 

I see that the site for your State
pa.gov
does have a Department for Senior Services,
and if you put in your County,
it will give you the local Area Agency on Aging, office,
that would give you ALL of the info about both options I explained in above post.


----------



## Jules (Aug 6, 2021)

@Tara, excellent links from @Kaila.


----------



## Tara (Aug 7, 2021)

Jules said:


> @Tara, excellent links from @Kaila.


Thank you.  Do you think that my church pastor would know of any church ladies I could share a house with in my town?  And what do you think about homeshare programs?     It has been 3. Months since my brother died  and it makes me feel sick to lose my house and my cats.    I will not be able to pay the bills living here.


----------



## StarSong (Aug 7, 2021)

Tara said:


> Thank you.  *Do you think that my church pastor would know of any church ladies I could share a house with in my town?*  And what do you think about homeshare programs?     It has been 3. Months since my brother died  and it makes me feel sick to lose my house and my cats.    I will not be able to pay the bills living here.


Won't hurt to ask...


----------

