# Anyone have a suicide in the family



## Deucemoi (Mar 9, 2017)

I am the oldest of three boys. My kid brother was 2yrs and 4 mo behind me. He and I were in Vietnam at the same time in 1971. He was a yeoman and traveled from various bases updating records. I was a radioman on a cargo ship traveling the Mekong Delta. He was at a base called Song Ong Doc which is up a river from the Gulf of Thailand.

One afternoon while we were loading ammunition to take to various bases including the one he was at, I was on duty in the 'shack' when a teletype message came that stated his base had just been overrun by enemy forces.

We made a change in our normal travels to get down there to resupply with ammo.

I saw him the next day. He had been exiting the base for the boats to leave the area when a mortar exploded behind him and he was hit by shrapnel, not seriously.

After we had all returned to the states he was married and had one son. Since it is the policy of the Navy that all sons except one may be sent to war he never had another child.

He had gotten into the booze and drugs while in Vietnam and it continued into his civilian life. In 2005 I was in Florida when his son called me to tell me my brother had shot himself at home and was dead.

I think between the booze, drugs, military ptsd and life finally caught up with him and he could not handle it.


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## RadishRose (Mar 9, 2017)

I don't have enough words to adequately say how sorry I am, dear Deucemoi.

This has not happened in my family, to answer your question.

Hugs to you.


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## SeaBreeze (Mar 9, 2017)

Thank you for your service Deucemoi.  Very sad to hear all that your brother went through, my condolences to you and your family.  Luckily I've had no suicides in my family, but I do know someone who took his own life at a young age.


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## Marie5656 (Mar 9, 2017)

*​So sorry for your loss.  It has happened in my family as well. To a cousin.*


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## Sassycakes (Mar 10, 2017)

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. Suicide is a terrible  thing for a family to go through. Years ago my younger cousin committed suicide.  Her Husband left her for another woman. She went into a deep depression.The Doctor put her on an anti depressant, but it didn't help. After a while she went off the medication. 

What the family didn't know was that she became involved with a Scientologist. He told her that after she died she would come back to a better life. The day before she committed suicide she gave him $50,000. Then the next day she hung herself. She had the house arranged with all religious articles facing the door. She was dressed in a beautiful gown. 

We found out after that the neighbors saw the Scientologist's car in the drive way to her house the night before until the morning. He probably stayed to help her go through with it. Her family found out a lot more after ,but it didn't matter. She was gone and nothing could bring her back.


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## OneEyedDiva (Mar 17, 2017)

SO sorry for your loss! I can't imagine the horrors that you, your brother and other servicemen saw over there. There has been a surge in Veteran suicides. May he Rest in Peace.


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## Ruthanne (Mar 17, 2017)

It's a very hard thing for many to go through or talk about so I'm not surprised you don't get a lot of posts.  It has happened with someone close to me.


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## Iodine (Mar 21, 2017)

Deucemoi and Sassycakes, both such sad stories, thank you for sharing.  Suicide can be very hard to talk about.  We haven't had a suicide in the close family but one of our DIL's brother killed himself this year and then about a month later one of our grandchildren's close friend killed himself.


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## anntaylor (Nov 10, 2019)

Yes.  My father shot himself when he was 72.   My mother found him, and she was in terrible shock as I was, since we had no idea that  He was considering that.  I to this day do not understand what depression he was harboring that we were unaware of.  It took me many years to reconcile this event.   I cannot imagine having enough pain to drive one to this.


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## toffee (Nov 10, 2019)

dont think we have -if we did my parents didn't confied much with us kids of family stuff -old school '
but thanks for sharing your sad stories ...


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## jujube (Nov 10, 2019)

My sister-in-law committed suicide "slowly".  She was morbidly obese (somewhere around 350 pounds) and had multiple health problems that went along with that.  She was a highly intelligent, highly educated (Ph.D.) woman but decided one day she was discontinuing all her medications.  She left a grieving husband and young children behind.  I didn't know her well, so I don't know much of the  details.  I do know that it affected her family greatly.


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## hollydolly (Nov 10, 2019)

My mother committed suicide  by overdose when she was just 39 years old, and I had just turned 18 with my youngest sibling just 10 years old...

My daughters' half brother  hung himself  a few years ago in his early 20's, due to Gambling debts!!


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## Pepper (Nov 10, 2019)

hollydolly said:


> My daughters' half brother  hung himself  a few years ago in his early 20's, due to Gambling debts!!


Depending on Who he owed money to, are you sure it was suicide?


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## hollydolly (Nov 10, 2019)

Pepper said:


> Depending on Who he owed money to, are you sure it was suicide?


 Yes of course, he left a suicide note for his father, my ex husband !!


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## Judycat (Nov 10, 2019)

Yes my daughter. She took most of me with her. So sorry for your loss.


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## MemereG (Dec 19, 2019)

*Deucemoi, and everyone else that has lost a loved one to suicide...I am so, so sorry.  I share your pain because I lost my 34 year old daughter to suicide also. She hung herself, and I was the one that found her. It's been 12 years, but many days it feels like yesterday. I keep a few battery-operated candles lit in her memory, every minute of every day. I have a small artificial tree in my room that I keep lit all the time with beautiful white lights on it. I display her reading glasses, a few pieces of jewelry, and other things of hers on it...it helps a little. 

I don't know what else to say, except 'I'm sorry', and if you ever have to come to terms with a suicide of a loved one, grieve at your own pace, don't let anyone try to push you out of it. Feel the pain, let it happen, and realize there was nothing you could have done to stop it if your loved one had made up their mind. And seek out suicide support groups...they do help, mainly because everyone there will know how you feel, exactly how you feel, because they've been there also. Sending a warm hug to anyone hurting from a suicide in their lives.*


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## Keesha (Dec 19, 2019)

I’m really sorry to all of you who have lost a loved one through suicide. It must be somewhat haunting.


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## chic (Dec 19, 2019)

My grandfather drowned himself at 86. He was clinically depressed over the death of his favorite brother. My grandfather's doctors wouldn't give him tranquilizers to cope, so he took matters into his own hands. It was unnecessary and heartbreaking.


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## treeguy64 (Dec 19, 2019)

I have lost family members, close friends, and two former girlfriends to suicide. Eight suicides. Strange. Eerie. Sad.
In most cases, I understood why they did what they did. In retrospect, there were a few signs that most had in common, but those signs only stood out after the fact, as they didn't vary too much from everyday activities of non--suicidal folks.


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## Keesha (Dec 19, 2019)

I’ve also had friends and my husband has had coworkers who have committed suicide. It’s haunting. It  leaves the ones left behind wondering  if there was something they could have done to prevent it. It’s extra sad because it’s not only a sinful thing according to most religions, it’s an unlawful thing. That in itself maybe why people don’t talk much about it; for fear of being locked up.


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## Duster (Dec 19, 2019)

One of my husband's co workers' wife committed suicide after finding out she had cancer in her 70's.  She didn't tell anyone about the diagnosis before she died. The doctors office informed the family that she was sick.  It must have been more than she wanted to deal with or to put her family through.


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## MemereG (Dec 19, 2019)

Keesha said:


> I’ve also had friends and my husband has had coworkers who have committed suicide. It’s haunting. It  leaves the ones left behind wondering  if there was something they could have done to prevent it. It’s extra sad because it’s not only a sinful thing according to most religions, it’s an unlawful thing. That in itself maybe why people don’t talk much about it; for fear of being locked up.


We're Catholic and had a priest come to the house after my daughter died, He said the church no longer considered it a sin, as suicide is a result, in most suicides, of a mental illness, or some sort of mental lapse. I don't know about other religions. As for it being illegal, who cares, least of all the suicidal person, what is the law going to do to them?  People don't talk about it because most people (thank the Lord) don't understand suicide so the family feels shamed. Times have changed now, and people understand it more. I will never be ashamed of my daughters death, or how she died...she obviously was in a very dark place and not strong enough to fight the pain in her soul. I'm very sorry you've lost friends to suicide Keesha.


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## Catlady (Dec 19, 2019)

A long time ago my paternal aunt committed suicide with pills.  She had been bedridden a long time with painful arthritis.  I didn't blame her, she's the one that was feeling the pain and not her critics.  In the 1990's, two temporary casual boyfriends of mine committed suicide oddly in the same way, by shooting a gun inside their mouth.  They were both very depressed people.  If things get too hard for me to deal with, I will commit suicide too, who cares what others think about it.


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## win231 (Dec 19, 2019)

Catlady said:


> A long time ago my paternal aunt committed suicide with pills.  She had been bedridden a long time with painful arthritis.  I didn't blame her, she's the one that was feeling the pain and not her critics.  In the 1990's, two temporary casual boyfriends of mine committed suicide oddly in the same way, by shooting a gun inside their mouth.  They were both very depressed people.  If things get too hard for me to deal with, I will commit suicide too, who cares what others think about it.


You brought up an important point.  Some people (who want to appear courageous or superior) will say things like, _"I'd never commit suicide; it shows weakness & I'm a strong person._"  One thing these people all have in common:  They've never been in a really painful situation; they just like to be Monday Morning Quarterbacks.


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## Keesha (Dec 20, 2019)

I apologize if any of my posts offended anyone.


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## CrackerJack (Dec 20, 2019)

I may be wrong but I  note the Thread has been taken up again on November 2019. Deucemoi. I am wondering how you are coping and I pray that you are okay and received sustenance from the replies received.

I know what its like to want to end it all to escape and in my case in 1983 took an overdose of medication at home. I will not go into details as to the reason as it's too painful and personal.

I was admitted to my local A&E and had my stomach pumped and when I came-too got a bit if a telling off by a medic but he was kind with it. My Husband was devastated and stood by me and I wasnt sure if my Son's ever knew what their Mum tried to do to herself it has never been talked about.  Its all in the past and I am well and getting on with my life and went through a very difficult time back in the early 80's. I feel that desperation makes some people go to the very edge depending on their reasons.

To want to end one's life is the most terrible decision an individual takes. Words cant describe what goes through one's mind when deciding to take the extra tablets or how it's executed. Looking back to that dark period of my life I think  thank God I never succeeded as my Family would have been devastated and it made me think that attempted suicide can be a selfish decision and act. Not being able to control extreme feelings is not neccessarily a sign of mental illness in many cases but a cry for help in a desperate situation

I do hope that all who have posted in this Thread are okay and especially Deucemoi.


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## squatting dog (Dec 20, 2019)

Still trying to cope with daughters suicide. A fight everyday. Hard just to type this.


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## Ronni (Dec 20, 2019)

Both the step father and the mother of three of my grandkids committed suicide over a period of two years.  I've written about that here before.  

There are no words to adequately describe the devastation this leaves behind, the confusion and bewilderment of the family, especially the children, that their loved ones are gone, and impossible to explain to the little ones how their parents could possibly do this to them!  Of course the parents didn't target the kids with this act, but try telling that to a child.  

I have also been suicidal.  I couldn't quite manage to take the active steps necessary to end my life because I just couldn't do that to my children.  But I was hopelessly depressed and apathetic, and every single night for a long time I prayed to a God I no longer believed in to allow me to just die in my sleep.


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## Catlady (Dec 20, 2019)

My desire for independence and free will is why I believe in our right to commit suicide if we so desire.  We are not allowed to choose the parents we are born to or our initial environment, so we should be able to choose our end if life is too painful or our bodies racked with pain.


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## peramangkelder (Dec 20, 2019)

Make No Mistake Suicide Is Never Easy....and no I am not suicidal but I have been a few times in my 60+ years
It is the feeling of hitting rock bottom but still feeling like you're falling deeper into it
It’s the time of being so low for so long that it’s impossible to think there may ever be a glimmer of hope again
It’s being trapped in a tunnel so long back that seeing the light at the end is impossible


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## Sassycakes (Dec 20, 2019)

I can't believe after I read this again today I got a request on facebook from someone I didn't know. Then my cousin called and I mentioned it to her and she told me who the woman was. She as the one cheating with another of my cousins that I put in my post here . My cousin then had committed suicide and this creepy woman wants to be my friend. I never even met her and even if I had I would never want to have her as a friend.Some people are really crazy.


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## CrackerJack (Dec 20, 2019)

Sassycakes said:


> I can't believe after I read this again today I got a request on facebook from someone I didn't know. Then my cousin called and I mentioned it to her and she told me who the woman was. She as the one cheating with another of my cousins that I put in my post here . My cousin then had committed suicide and this creepy woman wants to be my friend. I never even met her and even if I had I would never want to have her as a friend.Some people are really crazy.


There are some sicko's out there on and off line. A bad experience with somone leaves a scar. How did you deal with this odd person..ignore her?


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## CrackerJack (Dec 20, 2019)

squatting dog said:


> Still trying to cope with daughters suicide. A fight everyday. Hard just to type this.


Sometimes sharing serious personal issues  with others and on line in a niche forum can be a catharsis. Ive found comfort from members and buddies on forums over the years and although I left them and moved on for various reasons I never forgot the succour I received.

Take care Squatting Dog....like your user 'handle' btw.☺


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## Sassycakes (Dec 20, 2019)

CrackerJack said:


> There are some sicko's out there on and off line. A bad experience with somone leaves a scar. How did you deal with this odd person..ignore her?



I ignored her. I could never speak to a creep like her. I stopped talking to my cousins Husband and didn't even look at him at my cousins funeral. Just thinking of him and how he treated my cousin makes me sick.


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## win231 (Dec 20, 2019)

CrackerJack said:


> Sometimes sharing serious personal issues  with others and on line in a niche forum can be a catharsis. Ive found comfort from members and buddies on forums over the years and although I left them and moved on for various reasons I never forgot the succour I received.
> 
> Take care Squatting Dog....like your user 'handle' btw.☺


Well, thanks for that word I never heard of before I looked it up:  "Succour."


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## CrackerJack (Dec 21, 2019)

win231 said:


> Well, thanks for that word I never heard of before I looked it up:  "Succour."


Yes and thank you, its a gentle word and probably rarely used these modern times. Maybe it's not got the U in it in the USA. I have to be careful when choosing words ive not heard of before and Google the meanings before typing on a forum messge board for fear of making a boo boo  but this one I knew.


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## Autumn72 (Dec 25, 2019)

MemereG said:


> *Deucemoi, and everyone else that has lost a loved one to suicide...I am so, so sorry.  I share your pain because I lost my 34 year old daughter to suicide also. She hung herself, and I was the one that found her. It's been 12 years, but many days it feels like yesterday. I keep a few battery-operated candles lit in her memory, every minute of every day. I have a small artificial tree in my room that I keep lit all the time with beautiful white lights on it. I display her reading glasses, a few pieces of jewelry, and other things of hers on it...it helps a little.
> 
> I don't know what else to say, except 'I'm sorry', and if you ever have to come to terms with a suicide of a loved one, grieve at your own pace, don't let anyone try to push you out of it. Feel the pain, let it happen, and realize there was nothing you could have done to stop it if your loved one had made up their mind. And seek out suicide support groups...they do help, mainly because everyone there will know how you feel, exactly how you feel, because they've been there also. Sending a warm hug to anyone hurting from a suicide in their lives.*


Me too 33 2016 two days before my bday. Cancer a thing with sister keeping me in the dark..... first to tell.....much more to this nightmare.


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## katlupe (Jan 16, 2020)

My stepdaughter committed suicide by jumping off the roof of a local hotel in 2003. She had tried to kill herself before by cutting both of her wrists and taking a bath. This time there was no saving her. She had acted strange for the whole time I knew her then with counseling she appeared to be getting past all that. We started having hope that she was improving, then this. 

She left behind her 4 year old daughter who has been raised by my husband's ex-wife. Very hard thing for everyone in his family. I am sorry for everyone who has gone through this. I believe they just want to stop their pain and don't think about how their death will affect everyone else. 

In November my ex-daughter-in-law who I used to be quite close to, committed suicide with an overdose. She had tried to kill herself before. Her daughter is having a hard time dealing with it. It is hard to know how to help anyone who has had a suicide in their life.


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## CrackerJack (Jan 16, 2020)

katlupe said:


> My stepdaughter committed suicide by jumping off the roof of a local hotel in 2003. She had tried to kill herself before by cutting both of her wrists and taking a bath. This time there was no saving her. She had acted strange for the whole time I knew her then with counseling she appeared to be getting past all that. We started having hope that she was improving, then this. She left behind her 4 year old daughter who has been raised by my husband's ex-wife. Very hard thing for everyone in his family. I am sorry for everyone who has gone through this. I believe they just want to stop their pain and don't think about how their death will affect everyone else. In November my ex-daughter-in-law who I used to be quite close to, committed suicide with an overdose. She had tried to kill herself before. Her daughter is having a hard time dealing with it. It is hard to know how to help anyone who has had a suicide in their life.


I am so sorry yo hear this, Katlupe. What a terrible time for you and those involved close or otherwise. Nobody can guage what is going on in the desperate minds of those who contemplate and then commit suicude. Some want to escape their situation but dont want to die and just numb out life for a while and leave a cry for help. Then those who want to die and make sure they do.
A very sad time for you and those close.


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## Autumn72 (Jan 16, 2020)

Holding back the tears...........thank you for sharing your heartfelt kindness.


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## pleinmont (Jan 17, 2020)

A cousin of mine (68), with mental health issues, tried to commit suicide, after a god botherer told him he would burn in hell if he didn't get 'saved'. He is now in a care home.


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## bak2basik (Jan 27, 2020)

I lost my son last summer.  He killed himself over a girl he thought he couldn't live without and we are all still trying to  make sense of it.  He was 53 years old and had children and grandchildren that he loved dearly.  I never thought he would do something like this but he was on an antidepressant - Wellbutrin - that we think contributed to his decision.  It's a lonely world for so many people at any age.  He did not want to be alone.   
Lynn


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## RadishRose (Jan 27, 2020)

I once read a study than concluded men shoot themselves, women overdose or open their veins.

A good friend of mine's mother was an alcoholic. One night while drunk, the mother got into a warm bath and slit her wrists.

My friend was at my house the night I got the call. Her pain was unimaginable.


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## peppermint (Jan 27, 2020)

So sorry for everyone.....
I was 14 years old....My cousin the same age....When she died the family didn't give the family much about how she died...
My Mom found out at the Funeral Home....I wasn't able to go.... Mom thought I was too young....
Mom told me, cousin killed herself....I still don't know the whole story all these years....It seems she locked herself
in the bathroom and my uncle knocked the door down and found her...(It's always been a mystery for me)
God Rest her soul.


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## Edna 25 (Jan 27, 2020)

A few years ago my dear sister and only sister took her life. I dearly loved her though we sometimes disagreed about politics. She was a warm, generous person. She had lost a child about ten years ago, and i think her grief contributed to her depression.
My heart goes out to anyone who has lost someone in this way.


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## Ruthanne (Jan 27, 2020)

Edna 25 said:


> A few years ago my dear sister and only sister took her life. I dearly loved her though we sometimes disagreed about politics. She was a warm, generous person. She had lost a child about ten years ago, and i think her grief contributed to her depression.
> My heart goes out to anyone who has lost someone in this way.


I'm so sorry Edna.  I lost my sister the same way but many years ago.  I think it's something we never get over but the pain lessens with time-not a whole lot though.  Some times of the year are especially harder, too.  Peace to you.


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## treeguy64 (Jan 28, 2020)

I've known eight suicides, well, in my life. Life is strange, death is strange. There are subtle signs in those who later kill themselves, but so subtle as to only be seen after the fact, as I have found. This does not include those with previous attempts, obviously. None of those whom I knew had tried and failed.


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## Edna 25 (Jan 28, 2020)

Ruthanne said:


> I'm so sorry Edna.  I lost my sister the same way but many years ago.  I think it's something we never get over but the pain lessens with time-not a whole lot though.  Some times of the year are especially harder, too.  Peace to you.
> [/QUOT
> I'm sorry for the loss of your sister.


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## Ruthanne (Jan 28, 2020)

Thank you.


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## Ladybj (Jan 28, 2020)

Keesha said:


> I’ve also had friends and my husband has had coworkers who have committed suicide. It’s haunting. It  leaves the ones left behind wondering  if there was something they could have done to prevent it. It’s extra sad because it’s not only a sinful thing according to most religions, it’s an unlawful thing. That in itself maybe why people don’t talk much about it; for fear of being locked up.


@Keesha  I don't feel there is nothing no one can do to prevent it.  That's the first thing a family member ask themselves.. What could I have done..  Actually nothing.  I get the sinful part of it... I truly do but on the other hand, I can relate as to the WHY... sometime life gets way too hard and you have no idea what people are going through.. its more than a notion.   I faced suicide before years ago.  I felt even God had turned its back on me.  What kept me was the love of self and a picture o my daughter on a counter top in my house looking at me.   The recent death of my sister...at one point, I felt so all alone.  I had friends I could have reached out to but its a feeling you cannot explain. 

I had two friends that attempted suicide but they are still here.  After hearing their story, I don't fully understand but I can relate.  I was faced with suicide years ago..what stopped me was a picture of my daughter looking at me and I loved myself.  I think people don't reach out because they feel no one will understand...they feel so alone although they have people they can reach out to.  When my sister tragically died on my birthday in November..  I recently had a moment in my life that I felt so all alone..I had friends I could have reached out to but I felt alone.. its a feeling I cannot describe.  I am good now.  I am continuing to work on a Self Full Life.


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## win231 (Jan 28, 2020)

bak2basik said:


> I lost my son last summer.  He killed himself over a girl he thought he couldn't live without and we are all still trying to  make sense of it.  He was 53 years old and had children and grandchildren that he loved dearly.  I never thought he would do something like this but he was on an antidepressant - Wellbutrin - that we think contributed to his decision.  It's a lonely world for so many people at any age.  He did not want to be alone.
> Lynn


Doctors prescribe antidepressants like Skittles.  There's a reason they come with warnings about suicide and homicide.
Del Shannon also committed suicide in 1990 while he was on Prozac.


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## debbie in seattle (Jan 29, 2020)

Yes, my brother in law.    He had prostate cancer.     Went out in the shed in the back yard and shot himself in the head.   Sister in law hasn’t been the same since.   Sad situation.


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