# Discussing health issues with adult Kids?



## Patnono (Mar 17, 2019)

I was diagnosed with diabetes over a year ago.  I've only told one of my kids, I want to tell the others, but I hesitate especially telling my oldest daughter, she's has chronic back pain and depression, I'm afraid this could make her depression worse? It's been rumored that we bring diabetes on ourselves?  Doctors say they don't know why some get it and some don't, this applies to even people who are over weight?   A lady in my diabetes class said she was made to feel Bad that she has it.


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## Keesha (Mar 18, 2019)

People don’t make you feel bad about anything unless you allow them to. 
Diabetes generally happens from not eating properly but there can be a hereditary factor involved. 
Are you following a proper diet for this? Why wouldn’t you tell you children? If you went into a diabetic coma they could help you. This is a serious medical condition that you’ve added an emotional factor to that shouldn’t be there. If your perception about your own health condition is out of perspective then how can you expect them to have a healthy perspective about it?

You might consider seeking some type of professional councilling


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## Patnono (Mar 18, 2019)

You're Right, I'm doing my best in handling it, I've had terrible doctors, who haven't been of any help. I took a class provided n diabetes, the frustration I feel is that everything I do someone else says it's wrong?  If I do this test my blood?  Or if I don't do something test my blood?  Seems I'll be spending most of my time testing???  Oh and by the way I still don't know How to test my blood?  A doctor said I didn't need too?  So I'm making an appointment with a new doctor to get a referral to see a diabetic specialist.


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## Keesha (Mar 18, 2019)

That’s perfect. Get a referral to see a specialist and tell your children.
Tell everyone else whose opinion doesn’t matter, to mind their own business. 
Asking anyone about medical procedures isn’t the best approach.


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## retiredtraveler (Mar 18, 2019)

Patnono said:


> ..... It's been rumored that we bring diabetes on ourselves?.....



Not 'rumor'. CDC reports that 900,000+ NEW cases a year are diagnosed. They claim that 90% of all new cases are 100% preventable. Type II diabetes in adults is 90% due to lack of good health habits. Only 10% of the casaes have a hereditary or other factors involved beyond the individual's control. Poor diet is the major cause.


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## WhatInThe (Mar 18, 2019)

I consider any health/medical issue private unless one voluntarily wants to discuss it. I can't stand family who all but mandates a health update during gatherings. Even worse I can't stand those talk about health things like how disgusting it was when they changed a bandage-AT THE DINNER TABLE-People are eating please.

That being said no matter the cause if you do discuss and ask input I would at least try to show you are sincerely trying wether it's medication, diet, exercise etc. I don't want to see people judged or chastised but I don't like people playing the victim either. This is why it's best to keep medical information in particular private.


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## C'est Moi (Mar 18, 2019)

I have an excellent relationship with my children so of course I'd let them know of any diagnosis I have.   I agree with what was posted above, no "playing the victim."   

Patnono, you keep posting about your lack of support regarding your diabetes.   Start your own online research, go to the library and get books, EDUCATE YOURSELF.   There are excellent diabetes forums and other people are very willing to help... but you have to help yourself.   The most basic steps you can take are to get some kind of physical activity, adjust your diet reducing carbs, and monitor your glucose levels by testing.   If you will just get in the mindset that diabetes can be managed with a little effort on your part it will make a world of difference.  

If you aren't willing to take care of yourself, no one else is going to.   If you have a difficult time with diet, start by cutting out all WHITE foods... no flour, sugar, rice, potatoes, bread, etc.   Focus on lean protein and vegetables, occasional fruit, and whole grains.   Your glucose monitor is your friend; learn to use it.   Get up and WALK.    This is not rocket science; it's your life.


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## ClassicRockr (Mar 18, 2019)

Keesha said:


> People don’t make you feel bad about anything unless you allow them to.
> Diabetes generally happens from not eating properly but there can be a hereditary factor involved.
> Are you following a proper diet for this? Why wouldn’t you tell you children? If you went into a diabetic coma they could help you. This is a serious medical condition that you’ve added an emotional factor to that shouldn’t be there. If your perception about your own health condition is out of perspective then how can you expect them to have a healthy perspective about it?
> 
> You might consider seeking some type of professional councilling



Thing is, Keesha, not everyone can be "tough minded".


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## Keesha (Mar 18, 2019)

ClassicRockr said:


> Thing is, Keesha, not everyone can be "tough minded".


It doesn’t involve being tough minded.
It involves ownership of your own self worth.
It involves not caring what others think.

Im not saying it’s an easy thing or an instant thing.


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## ClassicRockr (Mar 18, 2019)

Wife and I are both Diabetic II and definitely know that too much sugar got us this way. All of our family knows we are both diabetic. We have cut back on sugars, but there are simply certain foods we don't want to give up eating. My last bg check was 148, which is where my VA doctor likes it. 

We both take a medication for it.


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## ClassicRockr (Mar 18, 2019)

Keesha said:


> It doesn’t involve being tough minded.
> It involves ownership of your own self worth.
> It involves not caring what others think.
> 
> Im not saying it’s an easy thing or an instant thing.



Well, there are those that do "care what others think" like wife and I do. Just one of the reasons we are moving back to area (Colorado) where we are much more accepted wearing Western clothes. Here we are looked, like "what?", while there, not at all.


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## Keesha (Mar 18, 2019)

ClassicRockr said:


> Well, there are those that do "care what others think" like wife and I do. Just one of the reasons we are moving back to area (Colorado) where we are much more accepted wearing Western clothes. Here we are looked, like "what?", while there, not at all.


I think you are confusing ‘not caring what others think’ with your situation.
You aren’t moving because you care about what others think of you. 
You are moving because of what you think of others. 

There’s a significant difference.


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## CeeCee (Mar 18, 2019)

Keesha said:


> I think you are confusing ‘not caring what others think’ with your situation.
> You aren’t moving because you care about what others think of you.
> You are moving because of what you think of others.
> 
> There’s a significant difference.




Yep, think you hit the nail on the head, Keesha.


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## hollydolly (Mar 18, 2019)

Keesha said:


> I think you are confusing ‘not caring what others think’ with your situation.
> You aren’t moving because you care about what others think of you.
> You are moving because of what you think of others.
> 
> There’s a significant difference.


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## chic (Mar 18, 2019)

My favorite aunt died of type II diabetes which was completely preventable, but she chose to continue cooking, baking, and eating all the wrong foods so what can you do? I miss her terribly and wish she had chosen differently. It's motivated me to cut out as much sugar as I can in my diet and to help other family members to do the same. It's a tough choice, but one worth making.


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## Patnono (Mar 18, 2019)

Sorry for your loss.  My ex-husbands wife looks like she's on her way out?  Don't wish anybody BAD,. Shes refused to take her medication.  She's had several stokes, and is legally blind, she's gone Back to drinking coke.  Don't get me wrong I'm really want to handle this, I even took a class on this. It's just so much contradiction over what to do and not?  Everything I do I should test myself it seems like I'll be testing myself ALL the time???  One doctor told me I didn't have to test myself???   I'm going to a new doctor and ask for a referral to a diabetic specialist.


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## WhatInThe (Mar 18, 2019)

As far as what to do about the diabetes. Some can handle radical diet and life style changes at once. They can jump right in. Others can't. But you need to something everyday. As others stated start cutting out things of your diet one by one. Start walking and exercise several times a week. If you have leg issues see about a pool program and rehab. It's a multi pronged approach. It's also probably not one thing that gave it to you either.

Again if you tell the kids be ready to show somekind of progress. Or they might start looking over your shoulder with everything you do.


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## Patnono (Mar 18, 2019)

Thank you for writing, I have been trying almost everything I read about, I have a sweet tooth, found a 5g dessert, sugar free jello n Cool Whip, I've given up ALL White foods and if I do eat something white, it's portion controlled.  All the blood test since 10/2017 have come back in the safe limits.  I guess what's not helping is my anxiety and depression?  We tend to over think things.  Im on medication for that.


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## Aneeda72 (Mar 19, 2019)

Patnono,

A lot of doctors don't do daily testing but simply rely on the three month A1C testing especially if your diabetes is pretty well controlled.  I also gave up white foods.  I never did care for cookies or cake.  Potatoes were hard to do without, especially chips.  But after not having chips for years when I try a new flavor-they just taste like grease.  I have no desire to eat them anymore.

I do love my sugar though.  I still eat a restrained amount of candy.  Last year I became very ill, that illness effected my blood sugar as well and I am considered uncontrolled.  My blood sugar drops a lot overnight so in the morning I am 51.  In the late afternoon I can be 258.  I believe it's due to "hidden carbs" in food.  I am going to try and watch for those.

Attempts to add additional medication almost killed me-twice.  I tried insulin but simply cannot stick myself.  Since being diabetic is one of my least life threatening medical problems, I've decided not to let it rule my life.  Actually I've never worried too much about it.  Mine has a genetic component.  Several people in older generations have it.

My husband is diabetic, thanks to Agent Orange and viet nam.  Just go with what your doctor says.

As for telling the family, I keep my family informed about my medical problems.  I will die someday and there should be no surprises.  Plus, they need to know about the genetic stuff so they can watch for it.


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## Patnono (Mar 19, 2019)

Thanks for telling me your story,. How long have you been diabetic?  I think what's giving me the most anxiety and maybe I should unsubscribe from these emails that everyday what can go wrong? I already know the downside of diabetes.  I buy stuff that I read about could help... there's a lot. Like today I bought stuff to make my own salad dressing.  I've guess kind of OBCESSED it?  I've subscribed to a diabetic magazine. Maybe I'm overwhelming myself with information?


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## Aneeda72 (Mar 19, 2019)

Patnono,

You have to decide it you are obsessed with your diabetes and how you want to handle it.  I don't know you, I can't judge.

In some cases it's easier for me because diabetes is minor.  I have so many other major medical problems that I've decided not to be obsessed with any of them.  What would be the point?  Just try and live as normal as you can.


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## Sassycakes (Mar 19, 2019)

I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes 10yrs ago. I wasn't surprised because it ran in my Dad's family. All my Aunts and Uncles ,my Dad and his parents had it. When I was diagnosed I only weighed 110 lbs. I was never a sweet  eater. I didn't like ice cream,soda and even candy,yet I got diabetes. I check my number at least once a week,watch my diet and do whatever I can to keep it under control. I told my family and my daughter is an RN so she gives me advice too. Just do the best you can and don't worry. We just have to live with it and move on.


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## Patnono (Mar 19, 2019)

My personality is the planning All in type of person.  I'm always writing notes keeping track of things afraid of dropping the ball.  I do have high cholesterol, maybe not now, I've dropped 40 points, never high blood pressure.  Tomorrow I go for a job physical, I'm considered obese, hope I pass?


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## Aneeda72 (Mar 20, 2019)

I don't think your weight matters at all in looking for a job.  Employers are more interested in qualifications.  However, in today's job market some employer's just want a warm body especially for the simpler jobs.

My granddaughter has a "bad" record an employee and just got a new job which she seems to like.  In different times she would not have got hired.  She already missed two days and they didn't fire her so we are hopeful.

Just make sure you are clean, respectiveful, and sociable.  Then you should do fine in the interview.  I so wish I could work.

Going back to therapy might help you with your issues.


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## Keesha (Mar 20, 2019)

Aneeda72 said:


> I don't think your weight matters at all in looking for a job.
> 
> Going back to therapy might help you with your issues.


i agree. 
Good luck with your interview


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## Patnono (Mar 20, 2019)

Your right, they said they didn't care about any except that I didn't have a criminal background.  As a matter of fact Im here getting my physical, I hope I pass?  I'm Not in shape at all


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## Keesha (Mar 20, 2019)

You are in shape. Maybe just not the shape you want to be nthego:
Just adding some needed humour layful:


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## Patnono (Mar 20, 2019)

Thanks, your right  lol


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## Keesha (Mar 20, 2019)

Aneeda72 said:


> Patnono,
> 
> A lot of doctors don't do daily testing but simply rely on the three month A1C testing especially if your diabetes is pretty well controlled.  I also gave up white foods.  I never did care for cookies or cake.  Potatoes were hard to do without, especially chips.  But after not having chips for years when I try a new flavor-they just taste like grease.  I have no desire to eat them anymore.
> 
> ...


And I don’t mean to be such a nit picker but there are NO HIDDEN carbs in foods. 
There are now labels that list almost every single ingredient in whatever item you are buying minus a very small percentage that doesn’t have to be listed, but it’s a minuscule amount.

My husband works with a diabetic who doesn’t care at all what he eats. He will eat cookies, chocolate bars and drink plenty of pop regardless of his health condition. He’s obese but young. These lifestyle choices will catch up and he will end up with various serious health conditions that he will moan and complain about later. 

People who aren’t accountable for their life decisions end up paying for them in the long run. 
Thats just how life works. You reap what you sew. 
No mystery there.


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## Keesha (Mar 20, 2019)

Patnono said:


> Thanks, your right  lol


I’m glad you are smiling Patnono. 
It suites you ! :grin:


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## Aneeda72 (Mar 20, 2019)

Physical shape depends on the job you are applying for.  If you work in a mail room, you must be able to lift up to fifty pounds. If you sit at a keyboard, probably not.

I think I read on another thread that you stayed in bed for two years.  If that is correct, I can't imagine how you did so.  Also, if this was you (I have a terrible memory), it's great you are getting out now.  I noticed recently, due to my medical problems, I was sitting around way too much so I bought a puppy.  Lol, nothing better get you up and moving.


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## Aneeda72 (Mar 20, 2019)

Well, those carbs seemed hidden from me, lol.  

But, yes, while I try to be reasonable I don't buy into a lot of the doom and gloom on diet choices.  In order to get damage from diabetes, you have to fall in the so called "red zone ".  My sugars have never fallen into that zone.  As far as your husband's friend, he probably treats his condition with meds that keep his sugars controlled.

He probably checks his blood sugars, and his A1C level.  Whether controlled by diet or meds, it's simply a matter of keeping ones sugar under a certain level.  There are lots of obese people who do not have medical problems!  Lots of thin people who do.  My sugars are hard to control due to other health problems.  If I didn't have these complications, I wouldn't have an issue.


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