# Now I know why Scrooge was so bitter



## debodun (Dec 26, 2015)

BAH! HUMBUG! I can't help feeling screwed over this year in the way of gifts. I've never seen such cheap and thoughtless items. I actually cried when I opened them yesterday. Makes me think twice about getting involved with grab bags and "Secret Santas" next year. Either it was something I can't use (like the earrings for pierced ears) or the gifts I gave in exchange were worth many times what I received in exchange despite the instructions on some grab bags that the gift had to be worth at least $5. Am I overreacting (see photos)?


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## RadishRose (Dec 26, 2015)

Deb, I can't argue with your commentary on these "gifts" They are awful, cheap, crummy and almost an insult to the recipient. I say almost.

I wish for you to remember that Christmas is a time of giving, not keeping a scoreboard of who gave what and how it measures up to what you gave.

 You have the generous heart, the good taste and the means with which to delight others with your Christmas giving. Be happy about that, be happy about who you are and don't waste time crying over the lesser value of the gifts you've received. Merry Christmas.


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## QuickSilver (Dec 26, 2015)

I hate grab bags...  I always try to spend the amount dictated... however, I make sure I shop sales and use coupons so my gift is always worth many times more than what has been decided on.    I put a lot of thought into it so that it's something that can be used and appreciated by everyone....  THEN.. I always go home with the cheapest crapiest gift in the pile.   I try to avoid grab bags when I can...


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## debodun (Dec 26, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> I always try to spend the amount dictated.



At least you make an effort instead of grabbing something out of your household "junk drawer" as a gift. 

Another event that got to me was at at the church ladies party when the pastor's wife showed up without a grab bag gift and went home with one. That means someone that brought a gift didn't get one. At my family's party, there are 9 women, but this year only 4 participated in the grab bag. Maybe that should have clued me.


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## jujube (Dec 26, 2015)

Or you can have the Spousal Equivalent's two grown sons (in their 30's and with good jobs).....he always gives them each a very generous monetary gift for Christmas every year and every year we get ....nothing....not a card, not a box of chocolates...nothing.  Of course, Facebook is full of pictures of their parties with the other side of the family and much bragging about gifts given and received to and from family and friends.  Yes, I'm bitter....not for me because I frankly don't care but it hurts him.


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## SeaBreeze (Dec 26, 2015)

RadishRose said:


> Deb, I can't argue with your commentary on these "gifts" They are awful, cheap, crummy and almost an insult to the recipient. I say almost.
> 
> I wish for you to remember that Christmas is a time of giving, not keeping a scoreboard of who gave what and how it measures up to what you gave.
> 
> You have the generous heart, the good taste and the means with which to delight others with your Christmas giving. Be happy about that, be happy about who you are and don't waste time crying over the lesser value of the gifts you've received. Merry Christmas.



I agree with RadishRose, better to just feel the spirit when giving to others and not let the value or thought that goes into those grab bag gifts hold any more importance than they deserve.  Honestly, from all you've mentioned in the past about these little gifts, perhaps people are bored with it and no longer enjoy it or feel put out.  Seems like your get-togethers would be happier if the $5 grab bags were discontinued.  Just my opinion, enjoy the rest of your holidays.


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## fureverywhere (Dec 26, 2015)

I can relate, really I can. It's not so much keeping score but more like I appreciate you made an effort. Year round if I see a book or t shirt or other item just perfect for someone I'll grab it. Like last night there were two gifts that stood out for son and his wife. One was a Ninja Turtle mug. He said that just became his mug for work, his favorite cartoon as a kid. For his wife a simple tiny statue of a sleeping baby bear. It used to be pink but I mixed a pretty pale blue paint and turned it into a boy bear.

Simple stuff but with a bit of thought behind them. I mean for family or friends especially but even for a grab bag...something universally appealing at least. But with family or friends the internet makes it so easy jeez...say you have a relation that you know is a Yankee fan and they like to golf. You want to spend under $15. All you have to do is Google Yankees or golf $10.99 and you can find gift ideas instantly.


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## Butterfly (Dec 26, 2015)

I avoid those grab bag party things like the plague.  IMHO they almost always engender hurt feelings and it's just not worth it; all you ever get is junk, anyway.  Next time just give whatever you would have spent on the church group gift as a donation to the church and don't participate in the other ones.  Or suggest the grab bag thing be discontinued altogether.


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## SifuPhil (Dec 26, 2015)

See how much grief you can avoid when you don't get involved in the whole gifting thing?


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## fureverywhere (Dec 26, 2015)

Another example of making an effort. Despite how grumpy and negative my Dad has become. Also the fact that he hates companion critters. His "pet" is a carved wooden bird in a cage, no noise, no mess. He gave me a huge cat encyclopedia. Definitely appreciated!


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## AZ Jim (Dec 26, 2015)

It's far more rewarding to give than to receive.  Good thing to keep in mind.


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## Butterfly (Dec 26, 2015)

SifuPhil said:


> See how much grief you can avoid when you don't get involved in the whole gifting thing?



How true -- my family several years ago decided not to give gifts anymore outside their primary family unit (I mean like their own kids, etc.).  It saves everyone a whole lot of time, hassle and money.  Sounds grinchy, but true, and you can concentrate on the stuff that really matters and not worry if Aunt Sally will be offended if you exchange (or NEVER wear) the ugly sweater she gave you.  AND, as a bonus, you don't feel like throwing up when you get your credit card bill in January!


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## debodun (Dec 26, 2015)

I realize Christmas isn't truly about gifts, but it just seemed this year was particularly tawdry. Is money that tight that you put a $10 gift in a grab bag and get a 50¢ one in return, or even no item?


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## SifuPhil (Dec 26, 2015)

I caught a segment of _Good Morning America_ today and they were making a big deal out of how many people were returning / exchanging gifts.

Definitely a First-World problem.


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## applecruncher (Dec 26, 2015)

I’ve known of people to participate in gift exchanges and bring a crummy gift that’s obviously something they had sitting around and didn’t want – then look all sheepish and plead poverty. However, they must think people are blind, deaf, and stupid because they mention (or you're aware of) expensive, very nice gifts they’ve given to others. A $5 - $10 dollar store gift is easy to pick up - they just don't want to bother.

Sure it’s better to give than to receive. :angel:
Sure, it’s best to enjoy the “spirit” of Christmas. :angel:
_But I’d still prefer that people not piss on my shoes and tell me it’s raining_. 

Best not to have any expectations as far as gift exchanges or to avoid them completely.



SifuPhil said:


> I caught a segment of _Good Morning America_ today and they were making a big deal out of how many people were returning / exchanging gifts.
> 
> Definitely a First-World problem.




And I've had it up.to.here with all the "Have you finished your Christmas shopping yet?" segments. All our local news stations are full of those......reporters at the malls, etc. sticking mics in people's faces.


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## AZ Jim (Dec 26, 2015)

applecruncher said:


> I’ve known of people to participate in gift exchanges and bring a crummy gift that’s obviously something they had sitting around and didn’t want – then look all sheepish and plead poverty. However, they must think people are blind, deaf, and stupid because they mention (or you're aware of) expensive, very nice gifts they’ve given to others. A $5 - $10 dollar store gift is easy to pick up - they just don't want to bother.
> 
> Sure it’s better to give than to receive. :angel:
> Sure, it’s best to enjoy the “spirit” of Christmas. :angel:
> ...



tsk, tsk, tsk.....Too much holiday makes us kinda crabby, eh?  Recommended solution:  A tall glass 3oz of Jim Beam top with eggnog garnish with nutmeg. I am kinda like I guess you are but it's over for another year so we can relax again.


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## applecruncher (Dec 26, 2015)

No, not too much holiday.
Not crabby at all.
Can't stand Jim Beam, don't like egg nog either.
I'm relaxed most of the time.

I've seen you say - more than once - we all don't have to agree all the time. Not a reason to make negative off-base assumptions.


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## AZ Jim (Dec 26, 2015)

Sorry.  My comments were meant lightheartedly.  I apologize if you felt they weren't.  Merry day "after Christmas" n before New Year.


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## applecruncher (Dec 26, 2015)

Fair enough.


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## Cookie (Dec 26, 2015)

I agree the gift exchanges are for the birds and as no one really knows each other that well, any gift choice would probably be wrong.  This is where regifting runs rampant, so expect old stinky candles, hideous place mats and unsightly knick knacks.  Just say thanks, and move on.  If I can't get out of it, my only hope is that they are anonymous.


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## fureverywhere (Dec 26, 2015)

Jim, pass around that eggnog son...


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## Cookie (Dec 26, 2015)

Day after xmas can be somewhat anticlimactic --- eggnog for me too with a hit of rum, please. I'm relaxed, so relaxed......


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## fureverywhere (Dec 26, 2015)

I don't want a hint, half and half is about right HIC...


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## debodun (Dec 27, 2015)

I saw my aunt at church today and related my displeasure with the family grab bag items. She said that she thinks $5 is just a suggested value for a grab bag gift and is the UPPER limit, whereas I think $5 is the LOW limit. Any opinion on that? She also added that she had another item that she was going to put in the grab bag, but decided it was "too good" and substituted something else. If this is such a contentious issue with people, why is any value asked for a grab bag item, or even have one at all? The worst thing I ever saw in a grab bag was the first Christmas where I worked. Somebody put in a corn cob with an electric cord at one end. Luckily, I didn't get that.


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## fureverywhere (Dec 27, 2015)

Maybe if it's a grab bag the organizers could put out a light hearted flyer ahead of time of suggested gift choices. I don't know, there must be some inexpensive goodies that would be universally welcome. A better choice for members that know each other...maybe a list of members and someone picks someone else to be their own gift buddy. So if you know Karen well but not Sharon, but Karen is a good friend of Sharon...something like that perhaps?


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## debodun (Dec 27, 2015)

My belief is that people get what they would like to have instead of buying for the person for which the gift is intended. Can some people be so dense as not to realize that not everyone has pierced ears or might be allergic to goat products? 

One lady I know said she bought an item for her retiree Christmas party and ended up grabbing it back because she liked it herself.


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## Karen99 (Dec 27, 2015)

Okay..cool stuff at the dollar store is packages of notecards ..or get a pretty scarf on sale, or a 5 dollar gift card for Starbucks or Taco Bell or iTunes or $5 worth of sugarless gum or...hmmm...or a little flashlight for your purse or..

anybody else have ideas?  But everything brand new.

I'm sorry you got yucky presents, Deb..so sending you warmest wishes for a Happy New Year.  I hope next year is better..but I guess it's important to realize most gifts in this grab bag are going to be less than stellar.  I'm sure others are disappointed as well.


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## Shalimar (Dec 27, 2015)

I have seen elegant candles in a variety of shapes. I would choose white or cream unscented taper type candles as they would likely go with most people's decor.


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## Warrigal (Dec 27, 2015)

In our family we sometimes play a Christmas game called _"Stealing Santa"._ 
Everyone brings a wrapped gift which can be nice or silly.

All of the gifts are placed together and the players take turns to select one from the pile.
The present is unwrapped to reveal the content and then the next player takes their turn by either selecting from the pile or by deciding to steal the unwrapped gift. This goes on until everyone has something to keep.

Some gifts are highly sought after, especially chocolates, but after they have been stolen three times they cannot be stolen again.
Some gifts are gender specific and a lipstick or bracelet may end up in the hands of a man and no-one is prepared to steal it so he is stuck with it.

The success of the game depends on the spirit of the players. If a sense of fun is present then the game can be very entertaining.


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## fureverywhere (Dec 27, 2015)

have seen elegant candles in a variety of shapes. I would choose white or cream unscented taper type candles as they would likely go with most people's decor. 

Then see in our house I have lots of scented candles on a high dresser upstairs for the fragrance...but anywhere else in the house is LED pretend candles. Our cats are so dim they've almost set themselves on fire a few times. Ohhhh purrrr, it's so nice and warm here, wonder why I smell smoking fur?


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## Linda (Dec 27, 2015)

Warrigal said:


> In our family we sometimes play a Christmas game called _"Stealing Santa"._
> Everyone brings a wrapped gift which can be nice or silly.
> 
> All of the gifts are placed together and the players take turns to select one from the pile.
> ...


Warrigal, that sounds really fun.  I've never heard of anything like that before.  I'm going to tell my youngest son about that because the family he just married into is large and very much into games and having a fun time.  They do a $40 secret santa gift exchange and as far as I heard, everyone was happy with it.  One game my daughter in law won was you put a golf ball at the bottom of your husband/boyfriend or whoever's pant leg and work it up to come out the neck of their shirt.  It's a family game by the way, nothing "adult" about it. Whoever gets it out the neck of the shirt first is the winner.

Debodun, you really did get the short end of the stick.  I'm sorry about that.  I've never been in any kind of a gift exchange like that since I left elementary school.  When I worked I refused to take part in the gift exchange at Christmas although I did take part in the food potluck.  I think next year you might want to scale back on the exchanges or try to get them to do that terrific game of "Stealing Santa" that Warrigal and her family are involved in.


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## Butterfly (Dec 27, 2015)

I just think grab bag gift things are a really bad idea and lead to bad feelings and resentment.


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## fureverywhere (Dec 27, 2015)

I have to say my SIL started a strict kids only gift giving rule for our Christmas get together. A few years back I gave some thoughtful gifts. It was maybe six adults. In return we got whatever office gifts they wanted to get rid of. Better kids only if they can't make the effort


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## Debby (Dec 28, 2015)

I quit wanting gifts years ago.  I've found that when you have expectations, you're likely to be disappointed anyway and besides, I'm going through my closets and cupboards right now because we're downsizing from a 12 acre parcel of land with barn and garage and a 1600 sq.ft. house into a two bedroom apartment and it is amazing the kind of stuff I'm putting in the moving sale pile.  If I'd only saved a lot of that money, custom drapes for the new place would be paid for.


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## fureverywhere (Dec 28, 2015)

I know what you mean Debbie. I've collected books and knickknacks forever. Now I think twice before adding any decorations. Only when you start down-sizing to you start to see stuff as dust catchers. Even with books, if I'm not going to read it again right into my trunk to donate.


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## mitchezz (Dec 28, 2015)

Gift giving can steal the fun from Christmas. Over the years the extended family has scaled right back on presents. We stop buying for the kids once they turn 18 and this year the adults exchanged food/drink related items. I gave everyone either a wine glass or a coffee mug with their footy team's emblem. I received chocolates, wine, gourmet sauces, home made cookies and a cook book....all very much appreciated. We are all of the age that we have enough "stuff" and don't need anymore.


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