# The "Alone" Club



## Ruthanne (Apr 29, 2022)

I just had an idea of creating a thread especially for those of us who are finding ourselves alone now.

How are you doing today, what's new, anything special on your mind?  You are all welcome here.






*Bring whatever you wish to this thread to share for all of us lonesters! *


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## Aunt Bea (Apr 30, 2022)




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## boliverchadsworth (Apr 30, 2022)

I have exhausted, several times, my efforts to find something I can do, will do, and like to do that is a 4 or so an hour a day job- mainly covid isolated--seems like I could find something.-I have a loooonnnngggg list of stuff I wont do, don't want to do-namely phones personal contact with public dealing with angry demanding people - and typing---not going to do it.....period..what is left....that pretty much eliminates all c/s  and online jobs......

There might might be something somewhere that would involve mac's and supporting a one or two person shop- as an minimal typing assisting support type-

Someone on here may say the magic word that will tweak an idea that I have not yet researched.....likely it will generate the inevitable opportunity for repeated and unproductive criticism --go for it.I am good with it.....and have a nice day-


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## Wren (Apr 30, 2022)

Dog walking ?


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## Lavinia (Apr 30, 2022)

I'm alone now and quite happy to converse with others in the same situation. However, I enjoy being alone so you  won't get any whingeing from me. I am now able to spend time on the things I enjoy without having to explain myself to anyone. I can watch the afternoon movie and not have to get up before it's finished, because I have to make a meal. I can sit there until it's ended and then get something to eat. I can re-arrange my furniture as often as I wish.
In other words, living with other people causes a lot of hassle. Being alone gives you freedom to please yourself.


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## hollydolly (Apr 30, 2022)




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## JustDave (Apr 30, 2022)

Lavinia said:


> I'm alone now and quite happy to converse with others in the same situation. However, I enjoy being alone so you  won't get any whingeing from me. I am now able to spend time on the things I enjoy without having to explain myself to anyone. I can watch the afternoon movie and not have to get up before it's finished, because I have to make a meal. I can sit there until it's ended and then get something to eat. I can re-arrange my furniture as often as I wish.
> In other words, living with other people causes a lot of hassle. Being alone gives you freedom to please yourself.


This is an issue for many.  I don't have a problem with it for many of the same reasons you mentioned.  It's a life choice for me.  Sometimes I wish I had another person around, usually to share a wonderful experience, but NOT being alone comes with it's share of problems too.  Being alone can be a wonderful experience.  Here's an extreme example:  Years ago, after leaving Chicago for good, I found myself in the mountains of Montana.  I loved hiking the wilderness trails and high lakes.  I was new to the area, and was yet to meet friends.  So here I was by myself at a high lake with no one around for miles on a two day over night-er, and I became hyper sensitive to that magical feeling of being alone. I was filled with gratitude.  I know that experience is special, relying on a certain context of a perfect kind of "alone," but I naturally gravitate to that.

If people need others nearby, I understand that too.  Humans are social creatures, and I can understand that many struggle with being alone.  I can actually relate to it because all of us have probably experienced that need at sometime or another.


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## Lavinia (Apr 30, 2022)

'That magical feeling of being alone'.....I can so relate to that. I can't get into a spiritual feeling while there are other people around me. I can go into the woods and feel connected to nature but, as soon as people arrive on the scene, the feeling vanishes. Humans give off coarse energy, which affects the atmosphere around them.


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## JustDave (Apr 30, 2022)

Wren said:


> Dog walking ?


As I write this at my computer, my new puppy, which became part of my home three weeks ago, is under the desk, lying on my feet.  It's a wonderful experience, but not less than 10 minutes ago we were having an altercation over him jumping on me scratching and biting with his puppy teeth, and the little bugger had the audacity to argue with me about it.  Yes, puppies argue in their own insistent puppy way, and before that, he peed on the floor.  

I love the little guy, but having him around can be stressful.  Simply stressful is the exact way to describe it.  But it's worth it, so I understand why people will deal with the stress caused by the presence of others.  Well, I assume they experience such stress.  I do enjoy others being around too, but sometimes I need to get away, and not being able to fulfill that need when it comes is worse than being alone (for me).


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## JustDave (Apr 30, 2022)

Lavinia said:


> 'That magical feeling of being alone'.....I can so relate to that. I can't get into a spiritual feeling while there are other people around me. I can go into the woods and feel connected to nature but, as soon as people arrive on the scene, the feeling vanishes. Humans give off coarse energy, which affects the atmosphere around them.


Yes, there are many wonderful experiences that can only happen when you are alone.


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## Pepper (Apr 30, 2022)

All Alone Am I


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## Ruthanne (Apr 30, 2022)

Lavinia said:


> I'm alone now and quite happy to converse with others in the same situation. However, I enjoy being alone so you  won't get any whingeing from me. I am now able to spend time on the things I enjoy without having to explain myself to anyone. I can watch the afternoon movie and not have to get up before it's finished, because I have to make a meal. I can sit there until it's ended and then get something to eat. I can re-arrange my furniture as often as I wish.
> In other words, living with other people causes a lot of hassle. Being alone gives you freedom to please yourself.


Yes there certainly are good things about being alone  I don't have to answer to anybody.


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## helenbacque (Apr 30, 2022)

I've been a contented member of the Alone Club for 25+ years.  Alone does not mean lonely for many of us.  

"It is far better to be alone than with bad company":  George Washington


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## Gaer (Apr 30, 2022)

Well, Sure I miss intimacy, laughter, sharing incredible moments with a big, hunky man.  But, I look at being alone at this time of my life as a growth period.  I have a lot more time for spiritual communication, for creating.  I love solitude for writing poetry, articles, stories., books.   I enjoy sculpting, painting, and many ideas come forth in one's aloneness.
Time and how it's spent is dictated only by me.  I can listen to Roy Orbison at 3:00 A.M., eat beef stroganoff for breakfast, take a bubble bath in the middle of the afternoon.  I can stick my dog in the car and take off to some mountain stream, or go watch the Sun come up.
I guess solitude has good aspects and bad, but I'm adjusting.  I don't really have friends or family here.
Self-indulgence is a strange feeling.


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## Marie5656 (Apr 30, 2022)

*I enjoy my alone time. I find one needs to be comfortable with ones own company to feel OK with alone time..
There are times when I get a bit lonely..not feeling sorry for myself, just needing company. That is when shooting down to the community room to visit friends helps.  *


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## Lara (Apr 30, 2022)

Not enough time in the day to think about it. I've got 2 dogs that follow me from room to room, I walk them at least twice a day and make doglover friends that way, feed them better than I feed myself which requires prepping and cooking, groom them myself.

I travel short distances to visit family, attend outdoor farmers markets, outdoor art shows, seafood festivals,
azalea festival...oh my, so many bring their pets to these outdoor events...so much fun and dog lovers are all friendly there.

My 4 kids text me about 3 times a day and for fun I make art using artsy looking rocks, shells, etc I find on the beach. I check on my house still being re-built from studs and make lots of decisions and choices (I'm living at the ocean but not in my house yet)

I run errands, ride my bike I got for Christmas, clean house, do paperwork, get on SF etc...no time to think I'm alone.


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## Ruthanne (Apr 30, 2022)

Marie5656 said:


> *I enjoy my alone time. I find one needs to be comfortable with ones own company to feel OK with alone time..
> There are times when I get a bit lonely..not feeling sorry for myself, just needing company. That is when shooting down to the community room to visit friends helps.  *


I enjoy my alone time too.  Welcome to our thread


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## Ruthanne (Apr 30, 2022)

hollydolly said:


>


Glad you're here hd.


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## Ruthanne (Apr 30, 2022)

Gaer said:


> Well, Sure I miss intimacy, laughter, sharing incredible moments with a big, hunky man.  But, I look at being alone at this time of my life as a growth period.  I have a lot more time for spiritual communication, for creating.  I love solitude for writing poetry, articles, stories., books.   I enjoy sculpting, painting, and many ideas come forth in one's aloneness.
> Time and how it's spent is dictated only by me.  I can listen to Roy Orbison at 3:00 A.M., eat beef stroganoff for breakfast, take a bubble bath in the middle of the afternoon.  I can stick my dog in the car and take off to some mountain stream, or go watch the Sun come up.
> I guess solitude has good aspects and bad, but I'm adjusting.  I don't really have friends or family here.
> Self-indulgence is a strange feeling.


Sounds like you use your time very wisely.  You are an inspiration to me.  I was really into art many years ago.  I need to give myself a good kick to get back to it


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## Ruthanne (Apr 30, 2022)

boliverchadsworth said:


> I have exhausted, several times, my efforts to find something I can do, will do, and like to do that is a 4 or so an hour a day job- mainly covid isolated--seems like I could find something.-I have a loooonnnngggg list of stuff I wont do, don't want to do-namely phones personal contact with public dealing with angry demanding people - and typing---not going to do it.....period..what is left....that pretty much eliminates all c/s  and online jobs......
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Good luck with it


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## s76l42 (May 1, 2022)

Lavinia said:


> I'm alone now and quite happy to converse with others in the same situation. However, I enjoy being alone so you  won't get any whingeing from me. I am now able to spend time on the things I enjoy without having to explain myself to anyone. I can watch the afternoon movie and not have to get up before it's finished, because I have to make a meal. I can sit there until it's ended and then get something to eat. I can re-arrange my furniture as often as I wish.
> In other words, living with other people causes a lot of hassle. Being alone gives you freedom to please yourself.


I agree. I lived all of my life with others, much of the time as a care giver and I am totally at peace with living alone. I don't believe I would ever want to live with anyone again. I am at a place in my life where I can do what I want. I have quite a few years of work left so much of my time is spent working but I enjoy the peace and quiet of being alone.


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## Lavinia (May 1, 2022)

Lara said:


> I did. I posted my "concerns" for others who live alone by sharing some ideas of things I do that help me.
> 
> And "I talked about anything". So what is your point?
> 
> ...


I think the usual assumption is that people who live alone are lonely. However, the responses on here have been positive ones from people who actually appreciate the benefits of not sharing your life with someone. I think perhaps Ruthanne intended this to be a sort of 'therapy' thread for those who ARE lonely and need sympathy and comfort. The thread doesn't seem to have attracted the lonesome ones yet.


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## hollydolly (May 1, 2022)

Well I admit I'm lonely... I don't have 4 kids to keep me company and to text me several times a day, I don't have a bike , for Christmas or any other time.. and I think I might kill myself on a bike these days.. I don't have nearby museums and beaches to go to.... sorry Lara not picking on you, but the other side of the coin are people like me whose only  adult child works full time, and lives 2 hours away , so  I get a text once a day sometimes every other day, and a 15 minute phone call once a week. I haven't seen her since Christmas

I don't know why people always feel so proud about saying ''I'm alone but not lonely''... not here on this thread, but everywhere.. it's like they feel that it's shameful to admit they're lonely...

I'm a people person..people energise me... but I'm also someone who values their own space and lone time to do what I please when I please... for the first time in decades.. I'm alone.. and living in a rural area, with no clubs to join etc, and just a few friends who I see occasionally, because they have their own families...so I'm extremely grateful for everyone on this forum, who give me a purpose, and someone to tell my troubles.. and achievements to...


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## Georgiagranny (May 1, 2022)

I just figured out why I keep flunking retirement! The money is nice and well needed, of course, but I need to be around the lights and the people. I liked being a cleaning fairy except that my clients were rarely home. I liked being a customer service rep except that it required a whole lot of phone time and not a lot of face-to-face time. I liked being the head housekeeper in a hotel because there were lots of people around. See where this is going? LOL

As most of you know, I live in a granny flat attached to my DD/DSIL's house. We're all under the same roof, but my place is separate and self-contained with my own entrance but connected by a back hall to theirs. They live their own lives. I depend on them for transpo and for stuff like, you know, changing light bulbs, And tech help because I'm challenged in that department!

They come and go over here as needed and sometimes just to visit (always knocking before entering) and DD works from home except one morning a week. Her office is on the east end of the house and upstairs; my place is ground level on the west end so mostly we communicate via text rather than hike through the rest of the house and up and down the stairs. (Teehee...just got a text from her!)

So. I'm alone without really being alone. I enjoy having somewhere to go and something to do five days a week. I _need_ to be out and about and interacting/conversing with the rest of my part of the world.

@hollydolly, my wish for you is that you find something interesting to do and somewhere interesting to go a few days a week, with the bonus of being paid for it


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## Victor (May 1, 2022)

Some responses are sour grape variety probably. Saying that being alone is okay and better off. Yes and no. everyone's situation and past are different.  We would have to be very specific about time and circumstance


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## JustDave (May 1, 2022)

helenbacque said:


> I've been a contented member of the Alone Club for 25+ years.  Alone does not mean lonely for many of us.
> 
> "It is far better to be alone than with bad company":  George Washington


This is a big one.  Don't confuse being alone with lonely.  They are separate things entirely.


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## Lavinia (May 1, 2022)

Victor said:


> Some responses are sour grape variety probably. Saying that being alone is okay and better off. Yes and no. everyone's situation and past are different.  We would have to be very specific about time and circumstance


Yes, this is also a factor in why some of us are happy to be alone. I enjoyed being a mother and spending time with my children, but apart from them, the people I have had around me have caused a lot of unpleasantness. I'm a quiet, self-contained person and many people don't like that.
Having said that, though, I have always been a loner. Even as a small child, I enjoyed  wandering off on my own.....so for me personally, being alone is what suits my nature.


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## JustDave (May 1, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> I don't know why people always feel so proud about saying ''I'm alone but not lonely''... not here on this thread, but everywhere.. it's like they feel that it's shameful to admit they're lonely...
> 
> I'm a people person..people energise me... but I'm also someone who values their own space and lone time to do what I please when I please... for the first time in decades.. I'm alone.. and living in a rural area, with no clubs to join etc, and just a few friends who I see occasionally, because they have their own families...so I'm extremely grateful for everyone on this forum, who give me a purpose, and someone to tell my troubles.. and achievements to...


I don't feel proud to say I'm not lonely.  Being alone is my choice, although I do think that most people believe someone is supposed to feel lonely, because


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## JustDave (May 1, 2022)

Sorry, I lost my connection on the previous post.  My puppy yanked out a USB connection, and when I got back to my computer, it was back at the desktop.

I don't feel proud to say I'm not lonely.  Being alone is my choice, although I do think that most people believe someone is supposed to feel lonely, because... [insert]... society expects this and even applauds it.  Not being lonely is outside the norm and a minority trait.   I can't explain why you may believe this is not true, and I won't try.  We are all different, even us minorities. I just ask to be understood.


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## hollydolly (May 1, 2022)

JustDave said:


> Sorry, I lost my connection on the previous post.  My puppy yanked out a USB connection, and when I got back to my computer, it was back at the desktop.
> 
> I don't feel proud to say I'm not lonely.  Being alone is my choice, although I do think that most people believe someone is supposed to feel lonely, because... [insert]... society expects this and even applauds it.  Not being lonely is outside the norm and a minority trait.   I can't explain why you may believe this is not true, and I won't try.  We are all different, even us minorities. I just ask to be understood.


I don't disbelieve it... but my aloneness came out of the blue when 8 months ago my husband of over 2 decades left... so I didn't choose to be alone..


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## Pepper (May 1, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> I don't deisbelieve it... but my aloneness came out of the blue when 8 months ago my husband of over 2 decades left... *so I didn't choose to be alone*..


Me too.


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## GoneFishin (May 1, 2022)

Alone and lovin it.


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## Lewkat (May 1, 2022)

Being alone gives me time to do what I love most.  Read, read and more reading.  Plus I take a lot of time to meditate.  I seek company when I feel a need to connect with someone.  I'm quite comfortable in my own skin.  Of course, my dog at my side makes me realize I am never truly alone.


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## Aunt Bea (May 1, 2022)

I need and enjoy my time alone, but there are times when it would be nice to have a close friend or two.


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## JustDave (May 1, 2022)

Victor said:


> Some responses are sour grape variety probably. Saying that being alone is okay and better off. Yes and no. everyone's situation and past are different.  We would have to be very specific about time and circumstance


^this  "everyone's situation and past are different."


Gaer said:


> Well, Sure I miss intimacy, laughter, sharing incredible moments with a big, hunky man.


OK, I will concede on this one a bit.  I will admit that going to bed with the woman of my dreams every night would be wonderful. But now that I've typed that, I realize that even this is not as great as it seems in my fantasy.  I still desperately need my "me time," and I cherish that time.


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## hollydolly (May 1, 2022)

JustDave said:


> ^this  "everyone's situation and past are different."
> 
> OK, I will concede on this one a bit.  I will admit that going to bed with the woman of my dreams every night would be wonderful. But now that I've typed that, I realize that even this is not as great as it seems in my fantasy.  I still desperately need my "me time," and I cherish that time.


I think if I ever get involved with a man again.. I will urge him to keep his own place... I'm happy to have my own space, but I need the company as well on a part-time basis..


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## JustDave (May 1, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> I don't disbelieve it... but my aloneness came out of the blue when 8 months ago my husband of over 2 decades left... so I didn't choose to be alone..


I understand that.  You are experiencing being alone and grief at the same time.  I would expect you to feel lonely, and I'm pretty sure I would feel the same way.


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## hollydolly (May 1, 2022)

JustDave said:


> I understand that.  You are experiencing being alone and grief at the same time.  I would expect you to feel lonely, and I'm pretty sure I would feel the same way.


yes exactly that..


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## Lavinia (May 1, 2022)

JustDave said:


> Sorry, I lost my connection on the previous post.  My puppy yanked out a USB connection, and when I got back to my computer, it was back at the desktop.
> 
> I don't feel proud to say I'm not lonely.  Being alone is my choice, although I do think that most people believe someone is supposed to feel lonely, because... [insert]... society expects this and even applauds it.  Not being lonely is outside the norm and a minority trait.   I can't explain why you may believe this is not true, and I won't try.  We are all different, even us minorities. I just ask to be understood.


Pets!! I was happily working  on my computer when suddenly everything froze. I looked down and saw that my guinea pig had bitten through the flex on my mouse. Fortunately I had a spare.


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## Em in Ohio (May 1, 2022)

boliverchadsworth said:


> I have exhausted, several times, my efforts to find something I can do, will do, and like to do that is a 4 or so an hour a day job- mainly covid isolated--seems like I could find something.-I have a loooonnnngggg list of stuff I wont do, don't want to do-namely phones personal contact with public dealing with angry demanding people - and typing---not going to do it.....period..what is left....that pretty much eliminates all c/s  and online jobs......
> 
> There might might be something somewhere that would involve mac's and supporting a one or two person shop- as an minimal typing assisting support type-
> 
> Someone on here may say the magic word that will tweak an idea that I have not yet researched.....likely it will generate the inevitable opportunity for repeated and unproductive criticism --go for it.I am good with it.....and have a nice day-


Have you given any thought to creative writing?  You could type it or write it long-hand, your choice.  It might lead to other inspirations.


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## JustDave (May 1, 2022)

Aunt Bea said:


> I need and enjoy my time alone, but there are times when it would be nice to have a close friend or two.


I love the picture, and your comment is of special interest to me because, after making friends during 45 years in Montana, I now find myself in Virginia for the past 10 years, where everyone is new.  I now have one set of close friends (husband and wife), who may be the best friends I have ever made.  I also have acquaintances, but I'm not counting them.  The odd thing about these new friends is that we have so many differences which at one time, I would have thought would make friendship impossible  The one thing that we have in common is that we care deeply about each other, are constantly looking out for each other, as well as sharing special occasions.  Go figure. Maybe this is the way things happen in our senior years.


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## Em in Ohio (May 1, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> I just had an idea of creating a thread especially for those of us who are finding ourselves alone now.
> 
> How are you doing today, what's new, anything special on your mind?  You are all welcome here.
> 
> ...





Ruthanne said:


> I just had an idea of creating a thread especially for those of us who are finding ourselves alone now.
> 
> How are you doing today, what's new, anything special on your mind?  You are all welcome here.
> 
> ...


Post-surprise-divorce, it took me a long time to find a sense of self.  Once I did, I found that being alone didn't _necessarily_ mean being lonely.  There were many perks.  During my marriage, my ex kept me away from the few friends that I had.  And not being a naturally social person (think "wallflower), new friendships aren't easy to find.

The downside, of course, is when I really needed a significant other to converse with and there was no one available.   During these pandemic times, that has been frequent.  My poor solution was just to sleep excessively.  That led to weight gain and subsequent loss of self-esteem (which wasn't good from the start).

Now that I have a dog again, I don't have the heavy bouts of depression that being alone can bring - but I still get what I call "waves of loneliness and depression." They come on without any apparent cause and disappear the same way.  So, I don't really have any solutions other than "get something warm and fuzzy that likes you and speak to this fuzzy-buddy as you would a best friend and confidant."


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## Georgiagranny (May 1, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> I think if I ever get involved with a man again.. I will urge him to keep his own place... I'm happy to have my own space, but I need the company as well on a part-time basis..


Absofreakinglutely! They gotta have their own car to drive, their own place to live and their own income.

ETA: And live far enough away that they don't visit Every. Darned. Day.


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## Sunny (May 1, 2022)

Reading this thread, I have trouble understanding what is meant by "alone."  I'm not being cute here, I really don't know what is meant.

I have been widowed for 11 years now; yet I don't feel "alone."  I live by myself in my apartment, but...

I am constantly in touch with other people dear to me, via texting, phone calls, email, etc. And I spend time with other people at least once a day.

My community has constant games, meetings, speakers, performances, study groups, you name it.  During the pandemic, there were frequent zoom meetings of my family (once a week) and most of the club activities.

I'm in a hi-rise, after many years of living in a big, stand-alone house with my husband and children. I wondered how I would like it, but gave it a try, and I love having a warm, supportive group of neighbors around me.  All I have to do is go down to the lobby to get the mail, or go out for a walk, and there's a friendly neighbor to talk to. The only things I miss are the ability to grill food outdoors, and having a regular garden, though I have enough container gardening on my enclosed porch to keep me busy.

There are also many opportunities to reach out to the larger community. Obviously, none of us are in a jail.

So, I never really think of myself as "alone." Yes, I would have preferred to still have my husband by my side, but since he is gone, I am enjoying "independent living," and hope I can continue living this way indefinitely.


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## Georgiagranny (May 1, 2022)

@Sunny  I might be mistaken, but I think "alone" in this thread simply means _living_ alone, i.e., being the only one of human persuasion in your own four walls.


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## Pepper (May 1, 2022)

Georgiagranny said:


> @Sunny  I might be mistaken, but I think "alone" in this thread simply means _living_ alone, i.e., being the only one of *human persuasion* in your own four walls.



Glad you cleared that up!


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## Georgiagranny (May 1, 2022)

Yup. Human persuasion as opposed to feline or canine or any other animal. I don't think fish count, though


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## Sunny (May 1, 2022)

About "choosing to be alone," I guess there are two general types of being alone:  Choosing deliberately, or just having it happen to us.

I suspect that the second is by far the more likely situation for most people. I didn't choose to have my husband grow progressively more ill and die; we had a good life together. Interestingly, I had never lived on my own. I got married right after I graduated from college, so I basically went straight from my parents' home to our home as a married couple. Followed by 3 children, and eventually, 2 of our parents living with us in their old age.

When it was obvious that I would not have DH much longer, I wondered what it would be like living alone. Our children were all grown and out of the house by then.  I found that, although I missed him, there were advantages to being on my own. I like the independence, living by my own choices about everything, feeling, maybe for the first time in my life, like a complete grownup. I had to learn to deal with a lot of household stuff that he always did (car maintenance, for instance) and found that, like nearly everyone else, I could learn to do it all.  I even went on a cruise by myself, and to my surprise, it worked out fine. (Wouldn't go on a cruise now, but that's another story).

So, although this wasn't my "choice," I've found strengths that I didn't know I had. Holly, you sound like a bright, strong person, and will find your own level of independence. Communicating with other people, such as on this forum and in other venues (online, in person, whatever) is a big help.


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## hollydolly (May 1, 2022)

Sunny said:


> About "choosing to be alone," I guess there are two general types of being alone:  Choosing deliberately, or just having it happen to us.
> 
> I suspect that the second is by far the more likely situation for most people. I didn't choose to have my husband grow progressively more ill and die; we had a good life together. Interestingly, I had never lived on my own. I got married right after I graduated from college, so I basically went straight from my parents' home to our home as a married couple. Followed by 3 children, and eventually, 2 of our parents living with us in their old age.
> 
> ...


You're right Sunny, and I've been here on the forum coming up 9 years longer than most, and while I was still living in Spain I believe... It's not that I don't know how to live alone.. I did it after my divorce, when dd was just 8 years old.. then  she grew to be a teen and a young adult with a life of her own, and I still managed everything alone.. I've holidayed alone, I've lived in 3 seperate countries alone.. however I was 20 years and more  younger then  when I got married to my now estranged husband ..( after for many years swearing off any kind of co-habiting relationship)... I did it expecting to go into old age as a couple... not to find myself alone, at 67 years old..with less energy and certain health issues..

I shoulda had more kids.. lol... ..or maybe I should move into some kind of complex where there are more people...


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## Leann (May 1, 2022)

I didn't think I would do well being on my own/alone. I don't know why I doubted myself but I did. And in the few years after my marriage ended, I had moments of feeling lonely, overwhelmed and confused. As I started to find my way and revel in the peace of my new life, I felt a renewed confidence. 

It has been well over a decade (probably closer to 15 years at this point) since I've lived with anyone. So much has happened in the intervening years. I dated here and there and never found someone that I wanted to spend more than a few hours with let alone live with. But for the past year I've been in a relationship with a special guy. We've talked about living together (no marriage for a number of reasons that could be the topic of another thread) but we're going to wait another year before we share an address. We aren't in a rush. 

So, I live alone (but not really because I have the cutest dog in the world as my fur baby) now but I don't feel lonely.


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## CinnamonSugar (May 1, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> I don't disbelieve it... but my aloneness came out of the blue when 8 months ago my husband of over 2 decades left... so I didn't choose to be alone..


You’ve had a cataclysm change in ur life, @hollydolly, rather like a death in the family. You will take the time to grieve and it will not be fun but knowing your resilience, you’ll come out on the other side and be ready for a new adventure


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## hollydolly (May 1, 2022)

CinnamonSugar said:


> You’ve had a cataclysm change in ur life, @hollydolly, rather like a death in the family. You will take the time to grieve and it will not be fun but knowing your resilience, you’ll come out on the other side and be ready for a new adventure


thank you CS...I hope so...


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## Teacher Terry (May 1, 2022)

In December of 2020 I found out that my third husband was cheating again and we had been together 22 years. It was especially bad because he put me at risk of getting Covid. I divorced him and sold the house. I bought a condo I love and live with my 2 Maltese. 

I have lived here for 25 years so still have all my friends and activities. I also made new friends that live in my condo building and I have 3 grown kids. I thought I would be lonely but I am not. I am 67 and will never live with anyone again.


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## hollydolly (May 2, 2022)

Teacher Terry said:


> In December of 2020 I found out that my third husband was cheating again and we had been together 22 years. It was especially bad because he put me at risk of getting Covid. I divorced him and sold the house. I bought a condo I love and live with my 2 Maltese.
> 
> I have lived here for 25 years so still have all my friends and activities. I also made new friends that live in my condo building and I have 3 grown kids. I thought I would be lonely but I am not. I am 67 and will never live with anyone again.


there you go Terry...I'll get to that point one day... but I'm not quite there yet, good luck to you and welcome to the forum


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## Remy (May 2, 2022)

Teacher Terry said:


> In December of 2020 I found out that my third husband was cheating again and we had been together 22 years. It was especially bad because he put me at risk of getting Covid. I divorced him and sold the house. I bought a condo I love and live with my 2 Maltese.
> 
> I have lived here for 25 years so still have all my friends and activities. I also made new friends that live in my condo building and I have 3 grown kids. I thought I would be lonely but I am not. I am 67 and will never live with anyone again.


You did the right thing IMO as hard as that change must have been.

Living with those fur covered life forms is the only way to go. Also IMO.


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## Bellbird (May 2, 2022)

I have been alone for about 6 months, I am enjoying living my own life, having my own identity, but I am  finding it lonely when I would like to have company at the coffee lounge, or have a 'yarn' on anything and everything or just general sharing.


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## MickaC (May 2, 2022)

I feel and understand all the different types of loneliness that many of you have shared in this thread.
We are all different in the ways and reasons for our loneliness, which I appreciate learning from many of you, and how many are treated, coping, with this, and how you’re making things better for yourself.
Had lots of practice being alone in my 2nd marriage, for 28 years.
Apparently for some, conversation, communication, was not anywhere near the top of the list.
Just like having a body around, for meals, our wifely duties etc.
Was not allowed to have my friends, got very jealous, that made life very lonely.
Living with someone is not supposed to be lonely....so the book said....the book was wrong.
Pushed for the divorce......then.....I wasn’t lonely anymore.
Living on my own is not lonely......him......apparently was a different story.
2 months after we lived apart, he landed on my doorstep, 6am, one morning, saying he couldn’t live alone and had no friends......I let him in.....big mistake.....
He was on my doorstep for almost 2 years.......my loneliness came back.....finally, sent him back to his own house.....and said......stay. He didn’t live with me in my house, he might as well have been, but that’s another story.

I’m not sure how to explain the type of loneliness I have now......nothing to do with living alone.....have to think of how I can explain it.
My little fur family are really good company, not sure what I’d do without them......they add so much to my life......as many of you will agree with your best little friends/family.....cures a lot of loneliness.


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## CrowFlies (May 2, 2022)

hi. new here.  new and old, both here.  im struggling with this.  i buried my last horse a few years ago
and have not been the same since.
the 19yr feral cat then passed and i was....alone.  no dogs cats horses, or, family.  just me, alone on the earth.

id say it was the first time but i didnt have much close family growing up either, and it seems the men in my
life orbit were all quite similar from my father to my son.  not sure what that was about.  i always 'did' things
and they seemed to just watch.

anyhow, after ranching a long time and burying animals and family here i am...alone.  and old.
i spent many years alone in the middle of a lot of mountain land, alone with horses dogs cats, wildlife.
alone without other humans i should say.  the gate was always locked and i only saw other humans when
i went for mail or groceries.

now being alone doesnt feel so fun.
its nice to see this board and thanks for being here and sharing.


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## Teacher Terry (May 2, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> there you go Terry...I'll get to that point one day... but I'm not quite there yet, good luck to you and welcome to the forum


Because it sounds like your husband asking for a divorce came out of the blue of course you are in shock and need to grieve.  You will definitely get to the other side with time. We never know what life has in store for any of us.


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## GAlady (May 2, 2022)

Gaer said:


> Well, Sure I miss intimacy, laughter, sharing incredible moments with a big, hunky man.  But, I look at being alone at this time of my life as a growth period.  I have a lot more time for spiritual communication, for creating.  I love solitude for writing poetry, articles, stories., books.   I enjoy sculpting, painting, and many ideas come forth in one's aloneness.
> Time and how it's spent is dictated only by me.  I can listen to Roy Orbison at 3:00 A.M., eat beef stroganoff for breakfast, take a bubble bath in the middle of the afternoon.  I can stick my dog in the car and take off to some mountain stream, or go watch the Sun come up.
> I guess solitude has good aspects and bad, but I'm adjusting.  I don't really have friends or family here.
> Self-indulgence is a strange feeling.


Roy Orbison.  I have all his songs downloaded on my IPhone.  I listen to him mostly when I take my long walks every day.


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## dseag2 (May 2, 2022)

CrowFlies said:


> hi. new here.  new and old, both here.  im struggling with this.  i buried my last horse a few years ago
> and have not been the same since.
> the 19yr feral cat then passed and i was....alone.  no dogs cats horses, or, family.  just me, alone on the earth.
> 
> ...


Welcome.  It is always so hard to lose our "kids" who happen to be animals.  We have put down so many of our precious cats. Please don't give up on life.  The members on SF are always so supportive.  Don't be shy about sharing your concerns.  We are all here for you.


----------



## JonSR77 (May 3, 2022)

boliverchadsworth said:


> I have exhausted, several times, my efforts to find something I can do, will do, and like to do that is a 4 or so an hour a day job- mainly covid isolated--seems like I could find something.-I have a loooonnnngggg list of stuff I wont do, don't want to do-namely phones personal contact with public dealing with angry demanding people - and typing---not going to do it.....period..what is left....that pretty much eliminates all c/s  and online jobs......
> 
> There might might be something somewhere that would involve mac's and supporting a one or two person shop- as an minimal typing assisting support type-
> 
> Someone on here may say the magic word that will tweak an idea that I have not yet researched.....likely it will generate the inevitable opportunity for repeated and unproductive criticism --go for it.I am good with it.....and have a nice day-



Here's a list of remote jobs from Idealist.

I just mention it, because it might be a place you have not looked.

Idealist is a non-profit job listing...both volunteer and paid work...

https://www.idealist.org/en/remote-jobs


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## JonSR77 (May 3, 2022)

JustDave said:


> As I write this at my computer, my new puppy, which became part of my home three weeks ago, is under the desk, lying on my feet.  It's a wonderful experience, but not less than 10 minutes ago we were having an altercation over him jumping on me scratching and biting with his puppy teeth, and the little bugger had the audacity to argue with me about it.  Yes, puppies argue in their own insistent puppy way, and before that, he peed on the floor.
> 
> I love the little guy, but having him around can be stressful.  Simply stressful is the exact way to describe it.  But it's worth it, so I understand why people will deal with the stress caused by the presence of others.  Well, I assume they experience such stress.  I do enjoy others being around too, but sometimes I need to get away, and not being able to fulfill that need when it comes is worse than being alone (for me).



re puppies, thought you might like this video...apparently, huskies stay puppies for a long, long, long time...


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## JonSR77 (May 3, 2022)

When I first got ill, which was in the early 80s, I experienced profound loneliness.  It was not fun.  I would often go a few weeks straight without talking to anyone (well, except the cashier at the grocery store or the bank teller).  

Real loneliness is pretty destructive.


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## hollydolly (May 3, 2022)

Teacher Terry said:


> Because it sounds like your husband asking for a divorce came out of the blue of course you are in shock and need to grieve.  You will definitely get to the other side with time. We never know what life has in store for any of us.


No my husband hasn't asked for a divorce...he left, and that came out of the blue.. it's me in fact who is now the one who will be seeking divorce..


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## katlupe (May 3, 2022)

I believe living alone happily depends on the person. We are all different and our situations are different. I am happy living alone mainly because I realized after three marriages, my happiest times were the times between relationships. I was tired of taking care of other people's food, laundry, finances and what have you. After not having any friends for almost ten years, living in an apartment building has given me a new understanding of the value of having good friends.


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## Victor (May 3, 2022)

I feel alone just reading the comments because my aloneness. Is literally all my life.   And as a child especially.  But I have learned that it is better to go where you desire alone than to compromise and go with company and not enjoy it. The company is not worth it Male or female family or friends. You will resent it and they will notice. And it can break friendships. Not strengthen them. .


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## JustDave (May 3, 2022)

MickaC said:


> I feel and understand all the different types of loneliness that many of you have shared in this thread.
> 
> Living with someone is not supposed to be lonely....so the book said....the book was wrong.


Spot on Mica.  Some of my most lonely experiences long in the past happened in parties surrounded by dozens of people.  It takes more than people to fix loneliness. The right person at your side can help, but the real fix is inside of us.  I think for some, just being around people is enough.  That is not the case for me.


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## JustDave (May 3, 2022)

JonSR77 said:


> re puppies, thought you might like this video...apparently, huskies stay puppies for a long, long, long time...


I had friends with two huskies, and then they got a third.  They are wonderful companions, and so friendly for a dog that could easily be mistaken for a wolf.  They moved to Alaska.  I dunno, maybe it was for the dogs.


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## MickaC (May 3, 2022)

I am happy with my own company......most days, there are days that i don't like myself very much.....i can sometimes have arguments with myself, it's a 50/50 chance as to who wins.....me or me....LOL...LOL.


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## GoneFishin (May 3, 2022)

CrowFlies said:


> hi. new here.  new and old, both here.  im struggling with this.  i buried my last horse a few years ago
> and have not been the same since.
> the 19yr feral cat then passed and i was....alone.  no dogs cats horses, or, family.  just me, alone on the earth.
> 
> ...


Hello and welcome to SF


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## boliverchadsworth (May 3, 2022)

JonSR77 said:


> Here's a list of remote jobs from Idealist.
> 
> I just mention it, because it might be a place you have not looked.
> 
> ...


THANK YOU AND THE REASON I POSTED--WE WILL SEE, I WILL RESEARCH IT....


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## JonSR77 (May 3, 2022)

boliverchadsworth said:


> THANK YOU AND THE REASON I POSTED--WE WILL SEE, I WILL RESEARCH IT....



Hope it helps. About 7 years ago or so..my niece got a volunteer project through Idealist. It was a project helping the Native people in Bolivia.

One day, a tiny monkey came out of the jungle and just sat on her head! No, that is not a bun on her head...look closely, it has eyes! It's a monkey!


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## Kika (May 3, 2022)

After my husband died 8 years ago, I had a lot of friends still in the area. While I was grieving, I also had distractions by working and outings with friends.  I retired just before the pandemic and could not stand the long, lonely hours.  
Now I have realized that I can be happy with just myself. And I am.  It did not come easy for me.  Every so often I remind myself of a Dear Abby or was it Ann Landers (?) saying:  "It is better to be alone than to wish you were."


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## JonSR77 (May 3, 2022)

For all those alone and suffering the loss of a partner, my deepest sympathies.

Wishing you all the very best.

My wife's Dad passed about ten years ago. It was one of those love stories for the ages. They met when she was just a teen and he was 21. He was the only man she ever dated.

Utterly in love with each other for over 60 years before he passed.

Just very hard and very sad.

Take care all...


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## CrowFlies (May 3, 2022)

dseag2 said:


> Welcome.  It is always so hard to lose our "kids" who happen to be animals.  We have put down so many of our precious cats. Please don't give up on life.  The members on SF are always so supportive.  Don't be shy about sharing your concerns.  We are all here for you.


thanks, it does seem supportive here. 

and thanks down the thread for the idealist site.

i think a variety of co-housing situations would benefit a lot of us.  some are new to being alone, some know
it well.  with age its nice to be around similar others, i think. its safer and its community and has purpose.
we're all taught and told living, being, 'independent' is the only way to go here...meanwhile, thats not accurate
across the board.  community is a good thing, imo.

yes this has changed for me the last few years after living alone for so long. i think that comes with age.  change.


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## fuzzybuddy (May 6, 2022)

I've always been a loner, so I'm quite happy being alone. That's not to say that I'm antisocial. I do like to be in the company of others. It's just I don't need them sleeping next to me all the time.


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## Remy (May 6, 2022)

CrowFlies said:


> hi. new here.  new and old, both here.  im struggling with this.  i buried my last horse a few years ago
> and have not been the same since.
> the 19yr feral cat then passed and i was....alone.  no dogs cats horses, or, family.  just me, alone on the earth.
> 
> ...


I know, I'm alone. I have my cats. Please get a pet. I don't know how I'd be without the cats. They keep me going. I'm so sorry you are mourning your departed animals so much. 

I'd have loved to live in the country but it always seemed too scary being on my own.


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## CrowFlies (May 6, 2022)

Remy said:


> I know, I'm alone. I have my cats. Please get a pet. I don't know how I'd be without the cats. They keep me going. I'm so sorry you are mourning your departed animals so much.
> 
> I'd have loved to live in the country but it always seemed too scary being on my own.


hey thanks.  i do have a Daisy dog.  i was without any animal about 6mos during which time i drove to canada
and spent some time trying to relieve the grief along the lake outside Kelowna.

when i came back to the SW in RV there happened to be a noxious situation across from me at this RV
park, old guy who did Not want the dog someone talked him into getting.  i had hoped hed give me the dog.
before the SWAT team arrived as he was waving weapons around, he had told the neighbor to 'get the gd
dog outta here.'

so, she did.  once the SWAT scene wrapped about 3am, i asked if she was able to keep the dog. she was not.
so Daisy came to live with me and she is Very glad about that.  as am i.  we are two peas for sure.
a very good match, as tho i was sppsd to come back here and she was looking for me.  

someone had abandoned the dog he got.  she was so scared of him.  from my place shed growl if she heard
his voice.  growl if she saw him.  soon we left that part of the state.
the first time i took her to hike a mountain trail---Not sure what shed do unfenced---she ran off about 25ft and
turned to look for me!  HOORAY!!!  i was so glad to see that in her.  she wont go far out there without me.
we always turn to look for each other when we're out in it.  that is such a great trait.
so yah Daisy and me we buds.

i just want one day longer than my dog.
unless...im in some kinda co housing situation with other animals and have that to keep me going.

thanks so much for this forum brd.  its a big comfort to come and talk about these things.

ive found since being in my 70s, now 74...people tend to back away when they know you are in your 70's.
sixties were diff, no one seemed to mind that;  seventies took on a whole nuther behavior?...nuther 
attitude?...nuther something.

im sure some of it was me, ive been in shock since my 70's, the big griefs hit And i got old.  
im pissed about both.

thanks yall.   
i dont know how to do anything tech on this brd so i shall look bland and boring for now.


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## CrowFlies (May 6, 2022)

fuzzybuddy said:


> I've always been a loner, so I'm quite happy being alone. That's not to say that I'm antisocial. I do like to be in the company of others. It's just I don't need them sleeping next to me all the time.


yah, i agree.
my dog, she can sleep next to me below my knees so i can turn to that side. 

i  think we, many of us, could co-house.
there are a number of ways to build simple structures that allow for independence and also companionship
and ive not understood why more dont do this unless its the econ system that wants us all individually
paying others a lot of money to live month to month.

put a few of us together with our meager incomes NOT going to rising rents all the time and we can afford
many other life items.  

btw...happy moms day to the moms.  im a mom but have not heard from my career law enforcement son
in 11years.
im good.  i know me i know what i accomplished.  i raised a son who could hold a career LE gig successfully.
somehow this gig has altered how he sees some other things in his life.
not my problem.

happy mustang mamma day to me!! those kids still talk to me.  
...and i smile sitting here thinking of them.  TYG.


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## Ruthanne (May 11, 2022)

Alone tonight as usual, enjoying the peace and quiet here.  I so need peace in my life with no hassles.  Good evening everyone.


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## Pepper (May 12, 2022)

I'm starting, after all these LONG years, to be content with my life alone.   Thanks for this thread Ruthanne.


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## Teacher Terry (May 20, 2022)

I feel safe living in a condo building with other people around yet I live by myself. I don’t want to live with others. After being married three times I am done cleaning other people’s messes and taking care of them.


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## RandomName (May 21, 2022)

Hi !  First post here.  Single male 67. Living alone. My GF died 5 years ago. I miss her very much. 

Very lonely sometimes, but sometimes so glad to be alone, lol. No one messing up my plans, ha ha. 

I have to count my blessings whenever I get that feeling that if I just had the right woman in my life, everything would be perfect.   

I choose not to date, for a variety of reasons I won't get into. 

Like other posters have said before me, I do get desperately lonely sometimes, just for female contact, sex not being required, even, just contact.
Just a good hug. Just lean up against me. 

What I could really go for, in a relationship, is just someone to sit next to me on the couch and watch TV. Can you put an ad in the personals for that, ha ha? 

But like I said, I choose not to date, so I live with these bouts of extreme 'animal' loneliness now and then. They last about a week. They come on out of nowhere, then go away for no reason.   

Glad this forum exists. I go to a few social activities, for conversation, but I could never admit this stuff to them!  

Thanks for your time!


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## Lakeland living (May 21, 2022)

I was alone for years and I enjoyed it, always kept busy etc no one else to consider in doing things.
 Now I have someone and I like that too, but the odd time I need time  for me, luckily she also enjoys time to herself. Also visiting kids and grand kids. In any case both of us are happy on this path.


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## CrowFlies (May 21, 2022)

ive got similar to what new poster Random said...sometimes i feel ok and other times the lonely is
more than i.....its overwhelming.  

id love to have more animals around.  id do better that way.  
very glad for my Daisy dog.


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## Maywalk (May 21, 2022)

I have been on my own since 2016 when dear hubby died from Dementia. He never knew who I was for over a year before he died. To be honest I am still surprised I am still here myself with the amount of times I have been in and out of hospital but I was 92 on May 19th and I bought myself a new computer and enjoying my time not only on forums I belong to but many Facebook groups too. 
I see my family each day on Facetime so I think I am a very lucky lady. 
Yes I get depressed at times but I usually find a u-tube or video that can brighten my day. 
Do I feel alone? Not really I have some super memories to look back on and still getting many from worldwide wanting to know about life and how everything has changed over the past 9 decades. 
Keep smiling everyone.


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## Bellbird (May 21, 2022)

Hi Maywalk, I know you from another SF some years ago now. a belated Happy Birthday , a great age, you certainly don't sound it, whatever that may mean. 
I have been on my own for just a few months now, I especially needed the peace and my own identity, two things which I now have got. I do miss not having someone to share things with but having SF certainly helps me there.


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## Tish (May 21, 2022)

Alone and loving it!
I did not plan it this way, my husband died.


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## Lewkat (May 21, 2022)

Maywalk said:


> I have been on my own since 2016 when dear hubby died from Dementia. He never knew who I was for over a year before he died. To be honest I am still surprised I am still here myself with the amount of times I have been in and out of hospital but I was 92 on May 19th and I bought myself a new computer and enjoying my time not only on forums I belong to but many Facebook groups too.
> I see my family each day on Facetime so I think I am a very lucky lady.
> Yes I get depressed at times but I usually find a u-tube or video that can brighten my day.
> Do I feel alone? Not really I have some super memories to look back on and still getting many from worldwide wanting to know about life and how everything has changed over the past 9 decades.
> Keep smiling everyone.


You are a most remarkable woman Maywalk.  I am so glad I met you on another forum in the UK so long ago.  I've been meaning to email you some laughs and will soon.  xoxox


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## dseag2 (May 21, 2022)

RandomName said:


> Hi !  First post here.  Single male 67. Living alone. My GF died 5 years ago. I miss her very much.
> 
> Very lonely sometimes, but sometimes so glad to be alone, lol. No one messing up my plans, ha ha.
> 
> ...


So sorry you have bouts of loneliness @RandomName.  I hope you will find some solace in sharing thoughts with the members in this forum.  Great bunch of folks here.  Welcome to Senior Forums!


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## Ruthanne (May 22, 2022)

Hi everyone.  Just popping in to say hello to you all.  I hope things are going well and if not I surely hope they improve.  All the best to you


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## Brummie (May 23, 2022)

Yes,I like some alone time but its great if you have a good friend.
We all need to have someone to share things with.


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## Blessed (May 23, 2022)

I was very lucky to have a good friend when my husband passed.  I had known him since age 7. He met my husband in high school and they became best friends.  He was very much a part of our lives.  He was there through five years or chemo, surgeries and struggles.  When my husband passed he looked after me.  Made sure I went out dinner with the gang. He would come over to watch TV/movies.  I would cook a good meal. We talked many times a week, current events, gossip etc.  There was never any romance between us, he was like a brother to me and he felt the same about me.  He passed of a sudden heart attack in 2020.  He had never married, had no children, he left his estate to my son.  He had family but was not close to them.  He considered us his family. His brothers had no problem with his decision. I still miss my husband and now this friend (brother).  Now I feel totally alone.  

@RandomName I would say that you should be honest and open with the groups you socialize with.  It is great to have a friend or friends to go out to dinner etc. Have movie day or night at each other's home. I don't think you are looking for romance, just people to share your life with.  You just have to be willing to put yourself out there to find good friends.


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## RandomName (May 24, 2022)

CrowFlies said:


> ive got similar to what new poster Random said...sometimes i feel ok and other times the lonely is
> more than i.....its overwhelming.
> 
> id love to have more animals around.  id do better that way.
> very glad for my Daisy dog.


Crow,  I sometimes think about getting a cat, a big orange and white one, or even two of them!


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## RandomName (May 24, 2022)

Blessed said:


> @RandomName I would say that you should be honest and open with the groups you socialize with.  It is great to have a friend or friends to go out to dinner etc. Have movie day or night at each other's home. I don't think you are looking for romance, just people to share your life with.  You just have to be willing to put yourself out there to find good friends.


The movie night thing sounds like fun.


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## RandomName (May 24, 2022)

dseag2 said:


> So sorry you have bouts of loneliness @RandomName.  I hope you will find some solace in sharing thoughts with the members in this forum.  Great bunch of folks here.  Welcome to Senior Forums!


Thanks, dseag2.


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## Bella (May 24, 2022)




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## Sandy and her dog (May 26, 2022)

I'm new to this forum. I've always pretty much been a loner and I've never been bothered by doing things by myself. I've been divorced for many, many years and have no children. My nephews were my children but they're all grown up with kids of their own. I've also always had great pets and I still have one older dog that is a joy. The older I get, the lonelier I get. Mainly, there are things I want to do before it's too late and I can't physically do them. Travel is number one! I sold my home this year and moved to an apartment and I don't regret it at all. I'm enjoying not having to cut grass and keeping up with maintenance on a house. Will con't.


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## Sandy and her dog (May 26, 2022)

I've been looking into 55 plus communities since they have a lot of activities and people that want to be active. The problem I'm running into is that I don't want to buy, just rent. I like the flexibility of renting. I live in Prattville, AL and there's not much going on here, especially for seniors. I'm 62 and really bored. Any ideas?


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## JustBonee (May 26, 2022)

The senior  55 plus communities in SE Texas all seem to be rent only  ...  and the choices are many around here.  
Some allow dogs, some don't.  

But like all things,  when you lease for a year,  you can count on higher monthly payments  when you renew those leases..  especially now.


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## Sandy and her dog (May 26, 2022)

Bonnie said:


> The senior  55 plus communities in SE Texas all seem to be rent only  ...  and the choices are many around here.
> Some allow dogs, some don't.
> 
> But like all things,  when you lease for a year,  you can count on higher monthly payments  when you renew those leases..  especially now.


I've mostly been looking on the Gulf Coast of Alabama and Florida.


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## CrowFlies (May 26, 2022)

RandomName said:


> Crow,  I sometimes think about getting a cat, a big orange and white one, or even two of them!


my 19year old feral passed 3yrs ago here in the motorhome with me, her ashes in a small box
right there>>>.  she slept in her box next to me until Daisy stepped into my life, then she went in the
basket right there>>.
since i live i a RV with a dog and the door is generally open so dog can come go to her yard, having
a cat wouldnt work for me.  i cant know theyd come/go outside and back in.

id have more animals but...where do they go when im gone.  i cant live that way very well, not knowing that.
if i Knew someone who would vow to take them...it would be diff.

i knew a lady who moved from one state to another to be near her friend who Would take her two small dogs
when she went, shed had a heart attack in recent time.  she was fearful of what would happen to her dogs
so she relocated near her friend.

if i had any friends left...but i dont.  i know a few people but i dont...cant...i dont really have enough trust
in them to pretend theyd take care of my animals til their deaths.

my family is gone.  thats why i say...ill stay til my dog is gone then im outta here.


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## AprilSun (May 27, 2022)

CrowFlies said:


> my 19year old feral passed 3yrs ago here in the motorhome with me, her ashes in a small box
> right there>>>.  she slept in her box next to me until Daisy stepped into my life, then she went in the
> basket right there>>.
> since i live i a RV with a dog and the door is generally open so dog can come go to her yard, having
> ...


I feel the same way. My cat died about a year ago and I would love to get another one but it would worry me to death about where it would go after I'm gone. I can't stand the thoughts of what would happen to it so I enjoy my neighbors pets instead when I can and that helps.


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## Sandy and her dog (May 27, 2022)

Teacher Terry said:


> I feel safe living in a condo building with other people around yet I live by myself. I don’t want to live with others. After being married three times I am done cleaning other people’s messes and taking care of them.


I don't want to live with anyone either but it would be nice to have someone to hang with sometimes.


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## CrowFlies (May 27, 2022)

AprilSun said:


> I feel the same way. My cat died about a year ago and I would love to get another one but it would worry me to death about where it would go after I'm gone. I can't stand the thoughts of what would happen to it so I enjoy my neighbors pets instead when I can and that helps.


ive lived with lotsa critters of all sizes most of my life...and now, yah, i cant do that and it really frustrates me.
i cant do it alone...is the thing.  i mean I can do it but they have no security becuz i dont have companions
any longer.

have you thot about getting a senior animal?  there is a Need for seniors to take in senior dogs cats etc.
you know they wont live long but you give them the comforts they need, sorta like hospice for critters..??

i think vets would know about this and how to.  fwiw.
glad you have neighbors with some critters.


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## AprilSun (May 27, 2022)

CrowFlies said:


> ive lived with lotsa critters of all sizes most of my life...and now, yah, i cant do that and it really frustrates me.
> i cant do it alone...is the thing.  i mean I can do it but they have no security becuz i dont have companions
> any longer.
> 
> ...


I've thought about it but then I think, what if I die before it does. That bothers me also. I just love animals so much. I'll just spoil my neighbors animals instead. But thank you for the suggestion.


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## Remy (May 28, 2022)

I wouldn't trust anyone to care for my cats either. People are flakes.

I go everyday to fed the established fixed ferals at my work place. People tell me how good they look, the Maintenace man (who is one of the few people who go to the area where I feed them behind bushes and the storage containers) stated he likes cats, and informed me I'd need a larger water bowl for summer but no one offers to help me feed the cats.

I already knew about the water bowl and keep spares in my car and at home. Luckily I scored a nice green baking dish at PAWS recently which is good for the water.

And frankly feeding those cats makes me feel like more of an anomaly. Everyone runs out to smoke but no one can help with the cats.


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## Ruthanne (May 28, 2022)

I can certainly understand how some of you feel about leaving pets behind and who would care for them.  I'm in that position too.  There is a lady I text once a week to let her know I'm still alive and kicking. 

 I have written instructions for her if I croak or become incapacitated.  I do trust her to find a good person to care for my pets.  I'm not going to worry myself sick over it.  I'm doing the best I can for them given my circumstances.   I've also began to pray more about it.  Makes me feel better.


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## MickaC (May 29, 2022)

Sandy and her dog said:


> I don't want to live with anyone either but it would be nice to have someone to hang with sometimes.


I agree with you. I'm not wanting to live with anyone either, but hanging out sometimes would be nice, but not glued to my doorstep.


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## boliverchadsworth (May 30, 2022)

CrowFlies said:


> thanks, it does seem supportive here.
> 
> and thanks down the thread for the idealist site.
> 
> ...


a little bit...small amount of socializing normally goes a looooonggg way.....annoyingly usually


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## Agnus (Jun 2, 2022)

Teacher Terry said:


> In December of 2020 I found out that my third husband was cheating again and we had been together 22 years. It was especially bad because he put me at risk of getting Covid. I divorced him and sold the house. I bought a condo I love and live with my 2 Maltese.
> 
> I have lived here for 25 years so still have all my friends and activities. I also made new friends that live in my condo building and I have 3 grown kids. I thought I would be lonely but I am not. I am 67 and will never live with anyone again.


In November 2021 I found out that my wife was meeting another man at the camp site we were staying at in Spain. We had then been together 39 years. When we came home to the UK that summer I divorced her and live alone in the house. I am 72 and I don't find the alone life lonely at all. I meet my old friends, take care of grand children now and then, meet my daughter and sons, when they pass by. I can meditate and pray whithout ceasing, so I love life. I am not seeking anyone more to live with again, just like you.


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## Ruthanne (Jun 4, 2022)

Georgiagranny said:


> I just figured out why I keep flunking retirement! The money is nice and well needed, of course, but I need to be around the lights and the people. I liked being a cleaning fairy except that my clients were rarely home. I liked being a customer service rep except that it required a whole lot of phone time and not a lot of face-to-face time. I liked being the head housekeeper in a hotel because there were lots of people around. See where this is going? LOL
> 
> As most of you know, I live in a granny flat attached to my DD/DSIL's house. We're all under the same roof, but my place is separate and self-contained with my own entrance but connected by a back hall to theirs. They live their own lives. I depend on them for transpo and for stuff like, you know, changing light bulbs, And tech help because I'm challenged in that department!
> 
> ...


That situation of being alone but not really alone and having family to help sounds ideal.  I wish I had that yet things aren't so bad here.  I have dear doggie and birdie for constant company.  My one neighbor is kinda keeping an eye on me because of my health issues.  I check in with her every week at this point. I chat a bit with any neighbor that wants to talk.  It's ok here.


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## PamfromTx (Jun 4, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> That situation of being alone but not really alone and having family to help sounds ideal.  I wish I had that yet things aren't so bad here.  I have dear doggie and birdie for constant company.  My one neighbor is kinda keeping an eye on me because of my health issues.  I check in with her every week at this point. I chat a bit with any neighbor that wants to talk.  It's ok here.


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## Ruthanne (Jun 4, 2022)

PamfromTx said:


> View attachment 223863


You're so sweet Pam!


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## PamfromTx (Jun 4, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> You're so sweet Pam!


How did you know I was craving ~ pizza?!?


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## Ruthanne (Jun 4, 2022)

PamfromTx said:


> How did you know I was craving ~ pizza?!?


I don't know.  I'm always thinking about it .


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## Ruthanne (Jun 5, 2022)

Lavinia said:


> Yes, this is also a factor in why some of us are happy to be alone. I enjoyed being a mother and spending time with my children, but apart from them, the people I have had around me have caused a lot of unpleasantness. I'm a quiet, self-contained person and many people don't like that.
> Having said that, though, I have always been a loner. Even as a small child, I enjoyed  wandering off on my own.....so for me personally, being alone is what suits my nature.


I can relate to you and the kind of person you are.  I'm quiet and self contained too.  I enjoy a little time with others but enjoy my alone time quite a bit.  Not saying that I don't get lonely at times and long for some company.  The last visitor I had was my brother back in July.  I also saw him this past April for a pleasant dinner at a nearby restaurant.  That made me happy.


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## Ruthanne (Jun 6, 2022)

JustDave said:


> Sorry, I lost my connection on the previous post.  My puppy yanked out a USB connection, and when I got back to my computer, it was back at the desktop.
> 
> I don't feel proud to say I'm not lonely.  Being alone is my choice, although I do think that most people believe someone is supposed to feel lonely, because... [insert]... society expects this and even applauds it.  Not being lonely is outside the norm and a minority trait.   I can't explain why you may believe this is not true, and I won't try.  We are all different, even us minorities. I just ask to be understood.


I can understand that.  I don't get lonely much.


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## Tabby Ann (Aug 18, 2022)

Being alone and learning to be content with solitude provides the opportunity for spiritual growth, and it cultivates more discriminating choices in choosing companionship. For most of us, a balance between the time spent alone and the time spent in companionship is desirable. For several years I enjoyed an independent home while maintaining mutually beneficial close relationships outside the home. However, now that I’ve lived to be over 80 years old and have mobility issues and use a walker, outside companionship has diminished and almost disappeared entirely. And I don’t know where to look for it now. I have outlived the family and friends I grew up with and there doesn’t seem to be a suitable source for the elderly to meet and assist each other and enjoy intellectual companionship.


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## boliverchadsworth (Aug 19, 2022)

Tabby Ann said:


> Being alone and learning to be content with solitude provides the opportunity for spiritual growth, and it cultivates more discriminating choices in choosing companionship. For most of us, a balance between the time spent alone and the time spent in companionship is desirable. For several years I enjoyed an independent home while maintaining mutually beneficial close relationships outside the home. However, now that I’ve lived to be over 80 years old and have mobility issues and use a walker, outside companionship has diminished and almost disappeared entirely. And I don’t know where to look for it now. I have outlived the family and friends I grew up with and there doesn’t seem to be a suitable source for the elderly to meet and assist each other and enjoy intellectual companionship.


a lot of folks would say and maybe think that you are better off-


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## NorthernLight (Aug 19, 2022)

I'm an introvert, but I always wanted to be married or live with someone. Now it seems extremely unlikely to happen again. And as some have mentioned, it can be more trouble than it's worth, especially at this age.

For 12 years I lived in an interesting island community, an experience that can't be duplicated. I was still an introvert, but there was always an interesting conversation or distraction if you wanted it. The rental situation was terrible though.

So I moved to an isolated boom-town-gone-bust where apartments are available and cheap. This was the first time in my life I ever actually FELT lonely. I've fought hard to get over it, but it's kind of a losing battle. I am active online, and I have long-distance friends, but it's not the same as face to face.

One neighbor invites me to senior bus trips and other large gatherings, but I don't want to get Covid. (This town is militantly anti-mask and anti-vax.) Another neighbor wants to be friendly, but her preferred activities are a bit too ambitious for me.

I have made efforts to socialize and be active locally, but it doesn't always work out.

Some here have mentioned pets. I love kitties, but after age 50 I decided not to have any more cats, in case I died before the cat. People try to tell me that someone would look after it, but I've seen times when it doesn't work out that way. I couldn't do that to a beloved pet.

I feel like I'm living in a fantasy world of how my life would be "if only" I had a romantic partner or a friend who lived nearby. Meanwhile it gets harder to feel motivated to do anything, because there seems to be no payoff.

I wasn't meant to be alone, really.


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## RadishRose (Aug 19, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> I'm an introvert, but I always wanted to be married or live with someone. Now it seems extremely unlikely to happen again. And as some have mentioned, it can be more trouble than it's worth, especially at this age.
> 
> For 12 years I lived in an interesting island community, an experience that can't be duplicated. I was still an introvert, but there was always an interesting conversation or distraction if you wanted it. The rental situation was terrible though.
> 
> ...


Sorry you feel so lonely. I mostly got over it. I hope you will motivate yourself anyway. I have a feeling you'll be successful!


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## RandomName (Aug 19, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> I'm an introvert, but I always wanted to be married or live with someone. Now it seems extremely unlikely to happen again. And as some have mentioned, it can be more trouble than it's worth, especially at this age.
> 
> For 12 years I lived in an interesting island community, an experience that can't be duplicated. I was still an introvert, but there was always an interesting conversation or distraction if you wanted it. The rental situation was terrible though.
> 
> ...



NorthernLight,

I am sort of in the same boat, but am male.  I like cats, too, but  I don't want to get another one, since they just die on you, eventually. 

My girl friend died 5 years ago, and I am finally getting serious about finding someone new.

It is SO HARD.  I meet women and have to decide if they are right for me. If I ask them out and they say yes, there's a good chance I'll just stick with them forever even if I know it's not the perfect match.   So it's a big deal deciding whether to ask her out. 

Anyway, I met a nice woman at a social event I go to once a week. I asked if she wanted to go out sometime for an ice cream cone or something, and she said yes, but only as friends.

I have seen her a few more times since then and haven't decided if I want to just be friends.

Still looking elsewhere. Pickleball, concerts, walking around the neighborhood.    

I have this idea that meeting the right woman will make my life perfect. I know it is nonsense, but I still think that.  Well, I know it would make me a lot less lonely, lol. 

When I get depressed, I declutter my house, so it can look good whenever I have a woman over.   

As a man, I know I'm not supposed to be 'weak', and post this stuff, but I just wanted to share my situation with you, since I think we are a lot alike in some ways.


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## Tabby Ann (Aug 20, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> I feel like I'm living in a fantasy world of how my life would be "if only" I had a romantic partner or a friend who lived nearby. Meanwhile it gets harder to feel motivated to do anything, because there seems to be no payoff.


After working for a lifetime to improve my surroundings, I too have recently felt a lack of motivation to do anything beyond the bare necessities to support my house. I pondered this situation and was looking for some reward that might motivate me and none was found. You verbalized my situation very well when you said it’s hard to feel motivated when there seems to be no payoff.


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## Bellbird (Aug 21, 2022)

RandomName said:


> NorthernLight,
> 
> I am sort of in the same boat, but am male.  I like cats, too, but  I don't want to get another one, since they just die on you, eventually.
> 
> ...


You are NOT weak posting how you feel, you are a breath of fresh air in doing so.


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## Tabby Ann (Aug 21, 2022)

RandomName said:


> As a man, I know I'm not supposed to be 'weak', and post this stuff, but I just wanted to share my situation with you, since I think we are a lot alike in some ways.


You have an advantage over most men since you can relate to a woman’s situation and discuss your own in intelligent terms. Rushing into a permanent relationship due to loneliness is bad though but it sounds like you are on the right cautious path.


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## Aprilbday12 (Aug 28, 2022)

RadishRose said:


> Sorry you feel so lonely. I mostly got over it. I hope you will motivate yourself anyway. I have a feeling you'll be successful!


How did you “get over it”? I’m usually ok but companionship is needed at times.


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## Aprilbday12 (Aug 28, 2022)

Tabby Ann said:


> After working for a lifetime to improve my surroundings, I too have recently felt a lack of motivation to do anything beyond the bare necessities to support my house. I pondered this situation and was looking for some reward that might motivate me and none was found. You verbalized my situation very well when you said it’s hard to feel motivated when there seems to be no payoff.


Me too!


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## RadishRose (Aug 28, 2022)

Aprilbday12 said:


> How did you “get over it”? I’m usually ok but companionship is needed at times.


I just got used to it. Got closer with my grandsons and accepted my life as it is. There are times when I do feel lonely tho', but I'm at the stage where I don't want to be bothered with relationship hassles.


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## MarciKS (Aug 28, 2022)

I am currently in a situation where I am walking a very lonely path. I'm not really so much bothered by it but sometimes it would be nice to have coffee and chat with someone for a bit once in a while. Since that's not likely to happen I will just pull up my coffee mug in whatever chat site or forum I can find to visit. Some of you here are super nice company to have.


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## Blessed (Aug 28, 2022)

MarciKS said:


> I am currently in a situation where I am walking a very lonely path. I'm not really so much bothered by it but sometimes it would be nice to have coffee and chat with someone for a bit once in a while. Since that's not likely to happen I will just pull up my coffee mug in whatever chat site or forum I can find to visit. Some of you here are super nice company to have.


Don't rule out meeting people, if there is a crowd, ask if you might join a table, it may not go any further but at the least you have had a good outing, met some people.  We have to start somewhere! My Mom met a lady when I was expelled from school for being absent (I was busy laying on the roof to get a tan) anyway they became friends for 30 years.  I took my Mom to her funeral.


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## MarciKS (Aug 28, 2022)

Blessed said:


> Don't rule out meeting people, if there is a crowd, ask if you might join a table, it may not go any further but at the least you have had a good outing, met some people.  We have to start somewhere! My Mom met a lady when I was expelled from school for being absent (I was busy laying on the roof to get a tan) anyway they became friends for 30 years.  I took my Mom to her funeral.


I'm not really the type to go up to a table and invite myself to sit down. I'm too aloof for that. Especially in this town with the strangeness of people here. I would never be comfy.


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## Teacher Terry (Aug 28, 2022)

Marci, join a meetup group or a book club or anything else where you will meet people.


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## MarciKS (Aug 28, 2022)

Teacher Terry said:


> Marci, join a meetup group or a book club or anything else where you will meet people.


We don't have meet up in my area. I don't know how to explain this...I've become an extreme introvert. I can only tolerate people for just so long in a day and then my alone time is mine to recover. If that makes sense. I'm not so much alone as just little bouts of lonliness here and there. Most folks aren't gonna want a part time friend and part time recluse.


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## Owlivia (Aug 29, 2022)

You may be surprised that others think like you.  Having interactions in small bites, a few hours here and there.

Where I currently live, it's very family driven and I have been ostracized by church ladies (maybe the worst at this) due to not having family here.  Everyone seems to know each other for generations and that's not my situation.


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## Pepper (Aug 29, 2022)

MarciKS said:


> We don't have meet up in my area. I don't know how to explain this...I've become an extreme introvert. I can only tolerate people for just so long in a day and then my alone time is mine to recover. If that makes sense. I'm not so much alone as just little bouts of lonliness here and there. *Most folks aren't gonna want a part time friend and part time recluse. *


That's not true, except if you're not honest about it.  Be open about yourself.  I'll meet you once a month, how's that?   If you feel like cancelling, even at the last moment, just let me know.  I'll understand.


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## hawkdon (Aug 29, 2022)

Marci, I am so much like you it is crazy....have been very much
introvered all my life, and more so now, got rid of car 3 or 4
yrs ago, so don't go out except to doc's office, have groc/pharm delivered...and I'm okay with it to a point, then I wish I had some company (occaisionly)....but have hard time if someoone does come by, I'm ready for them to leave rather soon...that I think is issue with the new friend I made recently....
ah well, this too will all come to an end someday....take care...


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## Kika (Aug 29, 2022)

MarciKS said:


> I can only tolerate people for just so long in a day


There is absolutely nothing wrong with that!  I think many, if not most, people are the same way.

I love when people come by, but I also love when they leave.  If the visit is more than 3-4 hours, they may be in danger of me ushering them to the door. 

Most people would welcome short, or as you say "part-time", friends and visits to catch up, if not at home, then a coffee shop is a good way to meet someone just for idle talk.  You never know when that will turn into a real friendship.


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## officerripley (Aug 29, 2022)

Teacher Terry said:


> Marci, join a meetup group or a book club or anything else where you will meet people.


Most of the meetup groups (and other groups as well, church groups, etc.) around here are still just meeting online or been cancelled due to Covid (and even before Covid, the groups were getting scarcer and scarcer). And as was mentioned above, this is also an area very big on family, family, family: in fact when I first moved here years ago, the only social group for women at all was the Grandmother's Club.

So the suggestion to go up to a group already gathered and ask if you can join wouldn't work around here: no matter where you go, you never see groups like that anymore; it's people running in and out picking up orders to go. It's not just Covid causing that either: a social activities director who worked at a seniors independent living place here in town told me about 10 years before Covid that she was having trouble getting the perfectly healthy, able-to-get-out-and-about seniors to do anything social, that one senior lady told her, "Oh, you know, I don't even care about socializing anymore; I can do all that on Facebook."


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## RandomName (Aug 29, 2022)

officerripley said:


> Most of the meetup groups (and other groups as well, church groups, etc.) around here are still just meeting online or been cancelled due to Covid (and even before Covid, the groups were getting scarcer and scarcer). And as was mentioned above, this is also an area very big on family, family, family: in fact when I first moved here years ago, the only social group for women at all was the Grandmother's Club.
> 
> So the suggestion to go up to a group already gathered and ask if you can join wouldn't work around here: no matter where you go, you never see groups like that anymore; it's people running in and out picking up orders to go. It's not just Covid causing that either: a social activities director who worked at a seniors independent living place here in town told me about 10 years before Covid that she was having trouble getting the perfectly healthy, able-to-get-out-and-about seniors to do anything social, that one senior lady told her, "Oh, you know, I don't even care about socializing anymore; I can do all that on Facebook."



When women were asking me to hang out with them 5 years ago (my girl friend died and her friends were after me, lol) I was very standoffish. I told them I just wanted to see them when we met randomly at outdoor events, which we have a lot of where I live.

It must have seemed pretty stuck up of me to be playing so hard to get. Or something like that. Self-preservation is more like it? I wasn't lonely back then , just really sad for a long time.

I have no real friends, male or female. I used to, but they have died off, or we have drifted away from each other. I met them in college, or at work, and now that I am retired, it just seems impossible to meet anyone to be a good friend. I meet lots of people at my social outings, but I am just not clicking with anyone, for some reason. 

Now that I am lonelier now than ever, I am getting the same treatment from women I want to hang out with. They seem to string me along with excuses. I did get one older lady to go to a movie, and another older lady who went to a movie with me, but took her son along.

I asked a younger woman if she wanted to go out sometime, and she said 'sure' but only as friends. Now I am struggling with whether or not to pursue it. Mainly because even if it does turn physical, which would be my secret plan, ha ha. I am worried about not liking her or she not liking me after a few months. 

Just cowardice, I guess. But also realistic thinking. 

But I am so lonely for female companionship I just may have to take the risk. I like  her because I have been around her at a weekly social event we both go to. She seemed like a very down to earth and kind woman, which I like. I joined this social group, which is just a cheap lunch for everyone, all seniors, in a big cafeteria once a week, because I was so lonely, even just for anyone, male or female, to talk to.  Loneliness drove me to it. And I used to be a total introvert, still am, probably.  

Thanks for listening to my psychobabble.

Best wishes to everyone in finding whatever you want along these lines. Especially if you, like me, don't even know what you want, ha ha.


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## MarciKS (Aug 29, 2022)

officerripley said:


> Most of the meetup groups (and other groups as well, church groups, etc.) around here are still just meeting online or been cancelled due to Covid (and even before Covid, the groups were getting scarcer and scarcer). And as was mentioned above, this is also an area very big on family, family, family: in fact when I first moved here years ago, the only social group for women at all was the Grandmother's Club.
> 
> So the suggestion to go up to a group already gathered and ask if you can join wouldn't work around here: no matter where you go, you never see groups like that anymore; it's people running in and out picking up orders to go. It's not just Covid causing that either: a social activities director who worked at a seniors independent living place here in town told me about 10 years before Covid that she was having trouble getting the perfectly healthy, able-to-get-out-and-about seniors to do anything social, that one senior lady told her, "Oh, you know, I don't even care about socializing anymore; I can do all that on Facebook."


hmm...i wonder if they have that on facebook? since they have video groups you can make in messenger with friends. i may have a looksie later.


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## MarciKS (Aug 29, 2022)

Pepper said:


> That's not true, except if you're not honest about it.  Be open about yourself.  I'll meet you once a month, how's that?   If you feel like cancelling, even at the last moment, just let me know.  I'll understand.


i appreciate that. most people around here where i live are kinda creepy and they work a lot so they don't seem to appear to have time to bother with others much. i don't know what retirement will bring.


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## officerripley (Aug 29, 2022)

Another thing I just noticed about Meetup groups: here in our area a bunch of the groups aren't really people who just want to get together and socialize about/engage in activities; instead, if you really take a look, here's an example, name of group "Getting Over a Divorce or Breakup", sounds like that could be good and helpful, right? Be around some people who know what you're going through, right? Welp, you read down to the bottom and it says "This group is created by the Dianetics & Scientology life improvement center in [this town]." And a bunch of them are like that, you read far enough in the description and it'll say stuff like "we'll use the helpful information in my book (which you should bring with you to every meeting or you can purchase it at the first meeting."  So more and more of these groups are not real people just wanting to get together; it's people trying to sell you their books or life improvement method. Phooey. So it pays to read the description all the way through.


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## Leann (Aug 29, 2022)

After I retired and moved to a rural location, I realized just how much of an introvert I was/am. My closest family members live about 150-175 miles away. There was a point where I wanted a relationship and I was fortunate to meet someone about a year and a half ago. We've talked about living together at some point in the future but something about it doesn't sit well with me. I love my home, my privacy and the ability to do whatever I want at any time of day or night. A few nights ago I was steam cleaning the floors at 11:00pm and I couldn't help but wonder if I would do the same if my S/O lived here. 

For a number of reasons which I may elaborate on at some future point, I'm realizing that I might just be better off living on my own.


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## MickaC (Aug 29, 2022)

Leann said:


> After I retired and moved to a rural location, I realized just how much of an introvert I was/am. My closest family members live about 150-175 miles away. There was a point where I wanted a relationship and I was fortunate to meet someone about a year and a half ago. We've talked about living together at some point in the future but something about it doesn't sit well with me. I love my home, my privacy and the ability to do whatever I want at any time of day or night. A few nights ago I was steam cleaning the floors at 11:00pm and I couldn't help but wonder if I would do the same if my S/O lived here.
> 
> For a number of reasons which I may elaborate on at some future point, I'm realizing that I might just be better off living on my own.


I think, now, if a person has a S/O, IMO, the ideal situation would be not to actually live under the same roof.
This way, like you mentioned, you still have your own privacy, your own time, your own home…..but still have some companionship, when you choose to.


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## Michael Z (Aug 29, 2022)

I remember when we had 5 kids in the house. A time when I was all alone in the house (back then) was very nice. But just yesterday, with my wife and grown daughter both away, it felt very lonely, even after only a few hours. I would have a hard time being alone I am quite sure.

Maybe find another "alone" person to share a daily phone call?  I know my wife's uncle does this.


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## Aprilbday12 (Aug 29, 2022)

MarciKS said:


> I am currently in a situation where I am walking a very lonely path. I'm not really so much bothered by it but sometimes it would be nice to have coffee and chat with someone for a bit once in a while. Since that's not likely to happen I will just pull up my coffee mug in whatever chat site or forum I can find to visit. Some of you here are super nice company to have.


Was joking with my sisters that I’m almost ready to go find the migrant buses and look to see if there are any prospects among the group. Would be like the tv show 90 Day Fiancé ( but migrant bus edition!)


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## Teacher Terry (Aug 29, 2022)

Where I live we have lots of meetup groups started by regular people. I have joined a hiking group and a dining group for single seniors. Even though many of my friends died in their 60’s I still have others and have made new friends too. I am a extrovert and definitely wouldn’t live rural or in a place where you either have to attend church to fit in or grew up there.


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## RandomName (Aug 30, 2022)

Teacher Terry said:


> Where I live we have lots of meetup groups started by regular people. I have joined a hiking group and a dining group for single seniors. Even though many of my friends died in their 60’s I still have others and have made new friends too. I am a extrovert and definitely wouldn’t live rural or in a place where you either have to attend church to fit in or grew up there.



I live in a medium sized city, so I can meet lots of people at social activities. 

I have come to the conclusion that I just have to keep meeting new people. I think I may need to meet 100's maybe thousands of people to find ONE person I want to ask out or have as a real friend. 

And I need to remember how lucky I actually am, in that I am not currently in a bad relationship.


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## Tabby Ann (Aug 31, 2022)

Teacher Terry said:


> Marci, join a meetup group or a book club or anything else where you will meet people.


You will note that all the people telling you to join a meetup group or a book club or telling you to go up to a table full of strangers and ask to join the table, cannot report on any success they've had meeting new friends this way. Senior citizens are experts at telling others what to do when they have no expertise or experience in what they're talking about.


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## MarciKS (Aug 31, 2022)

Tabby Ann said:


> You will note that all the people telling you to join a meetup group or a book club or telling you to go up to a table full of strangers and ask to join the table, cannot report on any success they've had meeting new friends this way. Senior citizens are experts at telling others what to do when they have no expertise or experience in what they're talking about.


I probably won't do these things cuz I don't really like going out. They're trying to be helpful which is nice.


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## MarciKS (Aug 31, 2022)

So what are the rest of the loners doing today?

I'm fixin to have some water and try a new video game.


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## officerripley (Aug 31, 2022)

MarciKS said:


> So what are the rest of the loners doing today?
> 
> I'm fixin to have some water and try a new video game.


What's the game? I don't play 'em myself (not smart enough, lol), but I think they're interesting and have beautiful graphics.


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## MarciKS (Aug 31, 2022)

officerripley said:


> What's the game? I don't play 'em myself (not smart enough, lol), but I think they're interesting and have beautiful graphics.


i just got one called among us. there's 8 crew members and 2 imposters. i played something similar in fortnite but didn't care for it. this might be kinda fun. one of my kirby games has lovely graphics.


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## Teacher Terry (Sep 1, 2022)

Tabby Ann said:


> You will note that all the people telling you to join a meetup group or a book club or telling you to go up to a table full of strangers and ask to join the table, cannot report on any success they've had meeting new friends this way. Senior citizens are experts at telling others what to do when they have no expertise or experience in what they're talking about.




If you bothered to read a previous post I made you would see that’s exactly how I have met people by joining meetup groups. When my dad became very ill my mom realized she didn’t have any friends. She joined some groups and started playing bingo by herself and made friends there to do other activities with.

Not all people 80 and older have mobility issues.  These people are perfectly capable of joining groups and joining activities to meet others. I have 5 friends that fall into this category.


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## RandomName (Sep 1, 2022)

Tabby Ann said:


> You will note that all the people telling you to join a meetup group or a book club or telling you to go up to a table full of strangers and ask to join the table, cannot report on any success they've had meeting new friends this way. Senior citizens are experts at telling others what to do when they have no expertise or experience in what they're talking about.



When I was new in college I went over to a table of talkative students, sat down, introduced myself. The table went quiet for a while. Slowly they started talking to one another again and completely ignored me.  Weird. People can be so mean. I finished my meal and took off. What a relief to get away. 

The good news is that I found other ways to meet people. In class, usually. Actually, after class, when everyone is walking out, you could start a conversation. I met my second real girlfriend this way. 

I met my first girlfriend at a college party.   So there are fairly painless ways to meet people. 

Nobody has parties anymore, that I know of, but I attend social groups and pickleball, so I have lots of people to talk to.  

I don't know if it's because I am older, my hair is thinning, or what, but it seems like there is never an easy way to ask a woman out, where you both feel comfortable, and you know she is going to say yes.

Just gotta keep chugging along, I guess, looking for my unicorn, lol.


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## Paladin1950 (Sep 4, 2022)

Although I live alone, I have a niece and great nephews in town. I have 2 sisters within driving distance. But my younger brother passed away in 2020.


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## NorthernLight (Sep 4, 2022)

I need to exercise and do housework daily. I have an online hobby of sorts. Once or twice a week I go out to do errands; it takes a lot out of me. 

I went to a great deal of trouble to organize a Spanish conversation group. For a few months, 3 of us met in a coffee shop, then one of them went out of town for the summer. The other one talks my ear off in English. It isn't worth it if we don't even speak Spanish. 

So I canceled indefinitely. When the other person comes back, I might want to start again, if we can all agree to speak Spanish. Still, the fact remains that leaving the house takes a lot out of me.

I'd love to travel. I'd love to have a honey. I believe that either of those would energize me, but neither is happening.

I'm trying to come to terms with the idea of just exercise, housework, and errands, and having an online life. Until I can't even do those any more.


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## RandomName (Sep 5, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> I need to exercise and do housework daily. I have an online hobby of sorts. Once or twice a week I go out to do errands; it takes a lot out of me.
> 
> I went to a great deal of trouble to organize a Spanish conversation group. For a few months, 3 of us met in a coffee shop, then one of them went out of town for the summer. The other one talks my ear off in English. It isn't worth it if we don't even speak Spanish.
> 
> ...



NorthernLight,  

Hola!  Como esta?  Estoy bien, gracias.   

I applaud you for starting that group. You are taking the initiative to make your life what you want it to be. Not everyone does that.

About your last two paragraphs. Is this realistic? Are you accepting less than you want?

You want a honey. That might happen, you never know. I want a honey too. It is taking me forever to find her. And I worry about 'settling' for the wrong one. It's so hard. 

My good  news is that I have found a pickleball group that plays 3 times a week and is only 1 mile away.   At first I was there only to find a girl friend, but now I think I'll just go to socialize and maybe, just maybe, find a friend to hang with outside the gym, maybe not even a honey, just a friend, male or female.


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## NorthernLight (Sep 5, 2022)

RandomName said:


> NorthernLight,
> 
> Hola!  Como esta?  Estoy bien, gracias.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your encouraging words. Yes, I've basically given up.

I carefully researched countries I could afford (barely) and would be allowed to stay in for more than 3 months (hopefully). I had a ticket to Paraguay, but that was canceled by Covid. I could go on and on about Tried that and it didn't work, Can't afford it, and Tired of beating my head against the wall.

I still have a glimmer of After I save a bit more money, When this Covid thing is over, etc. But then I circle back to Tired of beating my head against the wall.

The activities in this town range from hunting to knitting, with nothing in between. (Toastmasters and even Al-Anon were canceled by Covid.) The library book club is a cook book club. The gym is unaffordable, even with a senior discount. I can't afford to live anywhere else in Canada; that's why I moved here. If I move to another country I'll lose half of my pension.

I've thought about my many relationship failures, and I really don't see much hope of ever doing better. I can't even have sex any more.

Sorry to rant. I am trying to deny my needs and my nature and adjust to my situation.

As I have mentioned, I get some satisfaction from hosting an online game. I get gratitude and compliments, and I enjoy the hours of preparation. Maybe this is as good as it gets.


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## Hollow (Sep 5, 2022)

I enjoy being alone, and although I'm an introvert, I do love being with people. The winter is hardest for me, with the long dark nights and short days. But I have a lot of hobbies to keep me occupied, and I think so long as there is _some_ sort of contact with people - be it in real life or online, its manageable.


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## RandomName (Sep 6, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> Thank you for your encouraging words. Yes, I've basically given up.
> 
> I carefully researched countries I could afford (barely) and would be allowed to stay in for more than 3 months (hopefully). I had a ticket to Paraguay, but that was canceled by Covid. I could go on and on about Tried that and it didn't work, Can't afford it, and Tired of beating my head against the wall.
> 
> ...



Hi NorthernLights,

You say you are denying your needs and your nature and adjusting to your situation. Wow. I hope you don't really have to resort to that. Gotta be some way.    

I see you are doing stuff that matters to you, like the online game, that gives you emotional satisfaction. Good for you. You are not denying yourself that area of your life, just other areas ? 

What is your goal (if any) with traveling? Just to have a vacation? To meet people?  

Relationship failures. Me too. I am currently pursuing (fearfully) a few 'friendships' with some women I have recently met. I know there will be 'problems' but that's just how it goes. I am hoping the fun outweighs the negatives. Sounds corny but I want to be in love. I'm not ashamed of it or proud of it, but I have accepted it as something I want, and am taking steps to get it.   

Many of the alanon and similar groups here are back to operating in person. Have you checked? I used to go to alanon and similar groups for their discussions which were very  helpful for me.  I currently have a generic 'get together and talk about anything' group I go to once a week for a few hours, which is at a senior center. 

Hasta.


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## NorthernLight (Sep 6, 2022)

Thank you, @RandomName . My goal in traveling would be to have interesting input. I need stimulation.

I can't afford to maintain a residence and travel at the same time. Therefore, I'd have to settle in another country or just keep traveling. And as I mentioned, I'd lose half my pension, so money would be very tight.

When I looked at online dating profiles, several men said they wanted to "fall in love again." That surprised me. I didn't approach those individuals -- too much pressure! Based on past experience, I'm afraid they'd find me unlovable.

For me, just finding someone who LIKES me would be huge. Most wanted a replica of someone from their past, or they accused me of things I wouldn't dream of doing.


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## MickaC (Sep 6, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> Thank you, @RandomName . My goal in traveling would be to have interesting input. I need stimulation.
> 
> I can't afford to maintain a residence and travel at the same time. Therefore, I'd have to settle in another country or just keep traveling. And as I mentioned, I'd lose half my pension, so money would be very tight.
> 
> ...


You are not giving yourself enough credit.
Don’t be so hard on yourself.
I’ve learned from your posts, that you are a very caring, respectful, and have a lot of love for that special someone, whether it be friendship or something more.
Don’t give up..


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## NorthernLight (Sep 6, 2022)

Thank you, @MickaC , for your kind words. I do think I have a lot to offer, but most of the men didn't think so. I get more love and appreciation from friends and others, so maybe that's how it's going to be from now on.


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## NorthernLight (Sep 8, 2022)

RandomName said:


> Hi NorthernLights,
> 
> You say you are denying your needs and your nature and adjusting to your situation. Wow. I hope you don't really have to resort to that. Gotta be some way.
> 
> ...


Hi again. I didn't respond to these sections of your post earlier. I needed to think about them.

I think I just feel disheartened. A little over a year ago, I went on a cross-country adventure, sleeping in my car or not sleeping, etc. So I believe I still have plenty of spit left. 

But in my current situation, trying to having any kind of fun or human contact has been a battle. Everything has been canceled or seems unsatisfying or too much trouble. Even if they've started up again, I feel kind of turned off them. I even quit the group that I had initiated myself.

So I withdraw to exercise, housework, and various petty concerns. The exercises I used to enjoy have become boring.

After reading a few threads on here, I feel somewhat inspired to aspire to adventure, even if it's somewhere in the future. Or even if it never happens.

I'd been waiting for months for my income tax assessment, to use as proof of poverty so I can get a free pool pass. I finally called the government. They had messed up, but said they'd send me a new copy right away. So I can try to get in better shape and able to travel someday. Maybe.

Having this dream will also help me stop overeating. I've been going for the instant gratification, but traveling will be difficult if I'm very overweight.

So for me, I guess I need a medium-long-term goal.


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## SandyR (Sep 8, 2022)

Lavinia said:


> I'm alone now and quite happy to converse with others in the same situation. However, I enjoy being alone so you  won't get any whingeing from me. I am now able to spend time on the things I enjoy without having to explain myself to anyone. I can watch the afternoon movie and not have to get up before it's finished, because I have to make a meal. I can sit there until it's ended and then get something to eat. I can re-arrange my furniture as often as I wish.
> In other words, living with other people causes a lot of hassle. Being alone gives you freedom to please yourself.


That's certainly one way to look at it, and good for you!  Not my cup of tea, though.


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## RandomName (Sep 9, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> Hi again. I didn't respond to these sections of your post earlier. I needed to think about them.
> 
> I think I just feel disheartened. A little over a year ago, I went on a cross-country adventure, sleeping in my car or not sleeping, etc. So I believe I still have plenty of spit left.
> 
> ...



OK, NorthernLight, how about I assign you a goal of going to that pool and losing 5 pounds in 2 weeks.  Ha Ha. 

Actually, you sound like you are just in a funk. When I am in a funk, I go to my social groups (actually I keep going just to stay out of a funk). And I think that's why most people go to those groups.    

House work and anything that you can actually see the results of is good for your mood, I think. For me it is decluttering my house. My girl friend left tons of clutter behind when she died, and I have an endless supply of clutter to remove whenever I get the urge. The high I get from that lasts about a day. 

I hear you, about the 'battle' for human contact. I get plenty of human contact, which I enjoy, from my pickleball and other groups, but my battle I am struggling with is the girlfriend thing. 
So hard. But I keep looking. Heck, at this point, I'll be scared if I find someone who clicks with me, lol. 

I actually pray about finding the right girl friend. Helps me feel better about it. Don't know if you are into praying, but I am, in moderation. 

I would suggest doing at least ONE goal-type, accomplishment-type thing per day, and then you will know that the next day holds another goal-type thing you can accomplish. That's what I do, anyway. I actually keep a list of things to do. 

A goal of losing weight so you can travel? Saving money for travel? Travel is something you like, and can look forward to. You know you like, so go for it. That can be the dream and goal you want, for whenever you want it, or not, no pressure. 

And maybe go to one of those things that you say no longer appeal to you. Would it be good just to do it to get out of the house, at least? It would make you feel better, I think, NL.


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## NorthernLight (Sep 9, 2022)

Thank you, @RandomName . "Getting out of the house" takes a lot out of me, so it has to be really worth it. 

I've always been a here-and-now kind of person. I left my parents' house at 16 and have been wandering ever since. But nowadays I seem to need another way of dealing with life.

I feel conflicted all the time. I'm bored, so I overeat, because why not? I'm torn between wanting to save money (e.g., for travel) and wanting to spend it (e.g., on household items). I have trouble making decisions because I don't know what my priorities are.

I am quite disciplined and organized, and I accomplish something every day. But, aside from a couple of online activities, I ask myself, "For what?" I feel like I'm my own servant. I don't get much personal satisfaction from housework. Yes, some, but not enough. 

So I think making a decision about the future will help. If I'm going to travel -- say, in 2 years -- then I know I have to save money and look after my health.

This month I have to winterize my car. By then, I will have received the document that will get me the pool pass. I'll be able to swim once or twice a week. I already exercise daily at home.

But I will accept your weight loss challenge. Maybe not 5 pounds in 2 weeks, but at least a downward trend. Thank you.

My language partner commented that many people are feeling a bit lost these days, and that we need to hang on to some hope. I wish you all the best with your dreams!


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## rhett48 (Sep 9, 2022)

From what I've seen, a lot of us older people are lonely and sometimes feel we have no particular purpose in life. My
sympathies to those here in that boat.

BTDT, still do sometimes. I'm an introvert in a very rural area, so my dogs and toys are my main companions. I like friendly
people with shared interests, but I've never been good at seeking them out.  In winter I socialize by skiing at a local hill,
know several guys who go there regularly, but beyond that we don't have much in common or they live two hours away. 
A couple friends have died.

I'm not one to approach women, have always waited for them to show interest rather than risking rejection, plus I simply suck at
making small talk. So I sleep alone and don't get hugs and tenderness.

I focus on taking care of my health and dogs, enjoying nice weather outdoors hiking, riding my motorcycles and my new ORV. 
Forums help, but those relationships are anonymous and without some sort of personal interaction, they're mostly shallow. I do
have one guy I consider a good friend even though he's 40 years younger than me, lives 1500 miles away and we've never met face
to face. We've spent a fair amount of time on the phone and texting and he's been more supportive than anyone I know locally. 
We're on similar wavelengths, and I've also given him support when he needed it badly (two broken romances, career change). We
"met" on a common interest forum, started back channel communication (Private Message system, does this forum have one?) and have been hanging out together for more than five years, have seen each other through some life changes.


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## MickaC (Sep 9, 2022)

rhett48 said:


> From what I've seen, a lot of us older people are lonely and sometimes feel we have no particular purpose in life. My
> sympathies to those here in that boat.
> 
> BTDT, still do sometimes. I'm an introvert in a very rural area, so my dogs and toys are my main companions. I like friendly
> ...


That’s so wonderful….happy you have each other, for friendship, support, and meaningful contact.


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## officerripley (Sep 9, 2022)

rhett48 said:


> Private Message system, does this forum have one?


Yes, you hover your mouse over a member's name and a box will come up with Follow, Ignore, Start Conversation. (New members have to wait a while, I think, before you're able to start a conversation with another member.)


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## rhett48 (Sep 9, 2022)

officerripley said:


> Yes, you hover your mouse over a member's name and a box will come up with Follow, Ignore, Start Conversation. (New members have to wait a while, I think, before you're able to start a conversation with another member.)


Thank you! I wondered if perhaps I'm too new here. All I get when I do the mouse hover are options to either follow or ignore.


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## officerripley (Sep 9, 2022)

rhett48 said:


> I'm an introvert in a very rural area


Same here, plus I no longer drive much at all so I feel really stranded; there are some neighborhoods closer to town with some places I could walk to and shop or browse, that'd be something, but my husband is dead opposed to us moving.


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## rhett48 (Sep 9, 2022)

officerripley said:


> Same here, plus I no longer drive much at all so I feel really stranded; there are some neighborhoods closer to town with some places I could walk to and shop or browse, that'd be something, but my husband is dead opposed to us moving.


I love where I live, smack in the middle of a National Forest and own a nice chunk of land with only one neighbor bordering it. The other three sides are a road and the federal forest land. The woods are my sanctuary, built here 40+ years ago and will be carried out feet first.

I'm friendly with two neighbors within half a mile, nice people but they have their own lives. One is a very busy logger, the other a recently divorced lady who is happy as can be to be single. I get eggs from her and help her out now and then. She's nice but not my type anyway.


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## RandomName (Sep 11, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> Thank you, @RandomName . "Getting out of the house" takes a lot out of me, so it has to be really worth it.
> 
> I've always been a here-and-now kind of person. I left my parents' house at 16 and have been wandering ever since. But nowadays I seem to need another way of dealing with life.
> 
> ...



NorthernLights,

Thanks for your good wishes. I find your posts to be very interesting.

And I have a question for you and the other group members.

What are women over 55 looking for in a man over 60?  I am 68, by the way, and have been dipping my toes into the dating scene lately, due to extreme loneliness, not just for s*x, which would be optional,  but for emotional closeness.   

It seems like a lot of them don't want any man at all, thanks very much, lol. And I can understand that. They don't want to be in a bad relationship ever again. Understandable.
In fact I am like that myself.  I don't want to end up miserable in a bad relationship I have to extract myself from. 

But hope springs eternal for this poor fool, lol.  I guess I'm willing to take that risk.    

And yes, I'm even praying for guidance.

So, if women over 55  want a man for any reason, what is it? I know there's probably a dozen things, and different for each woman, perhaps. But what are they?   

Thanks


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## RadishRose (Sep 11, 2022)

RandomName said:


> It seems like a lot of them don't want any man at all,


Dating is courtship for the young, for the instinct to have children and raise a family, as nature intended.

After a certain age, most or many women lose interest in certain urges as there is no longer a reason. Sadly, men never do.

We just don't want the pressure anymore.

There's a lot to be said for companionship, however.


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## NorthernLight (Sep 11, 2022)

@RandomName  What do women our age want? It varies. A few years ago, when I was talking to another woman about such things, I said I wanted "s*x, of course." She said she didn't want that, she wanted a man with a car or boat so they could "drive around together." I was like, huh?

I can't have s*x any more, but I still want other aspects.

A male friend once said he wanted "someone to do things for." I relate to that a lot.

I have always wanted to have an other half. I hesitate to use the word partner because I feel it's misused nowadays, but yes, a real partner.

Sometimes I think, "Well, I could still do this or that with a friend, male or female." But it's not the same. (It looks like that's my fate though.)

I have pretty much given up. Not only because of my own bad experiences, but because men have become cynical too. They have their own version of "Never again." So what's left?

Regarding @RadishRose  's observation: I think men are the ones who lose the urge to pair up, if/when their ****** needs diminish. I never wanted to have children; I just wanted a husband. So I guess I'm weird.

I used to want true love. Now I mostly want someone who likes and appreciates me, who I can talk to or do things with. Maybe a hug or a kiss once in a while. Maybe someone to cook for and so on -- if he's willing to help me with my car or something!

Sometimes I think about having a traveling companion. But at our age, men expect a woman to pay her own way. Most men who travel can afford more than I can, so it wouldn't work out.


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## RandomName (Sep 11, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> @RandomName  What do women our age want? It varies. A few years ago, when I was talking to another woman about such things, I said I wanted "s*x, of course." She said she didn't want that, she wanted a man with a car or boat so they could "drive around together." I was like, huh?
> 
> I can't have s*x any more, but I still want other aspects.
> 
> ...



Wow.  I could do without sex too, just hugs and affection, and knowing she loved me. And I would get jealous if she flirted. And so would she. We would be in love. In my unicorn dream, ha ha.

She would have her own place. She would not move in with me, but we could sleep over at one another's house.  

I would change her oil and do simple repairs on her car, like I did for my former girl friend. 
We would go to movies, and travel anywhere we wanted, staying in cheap motels.  

Heaven would be having her come over and sit next to me on the lounge chair and watch movies on TV with me.  That's all I need, really. 

I need a very nice, loving, intelligent, and kind woman in order to feel comfortable. And I need to find her attractive, of course.  

Why does it have to be so hard, right? 

Oh, by the way, NL, I did make my girl friend split the cost when we traveled.


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## officerripley (Sep 12, 2022)

rhett48 said:


> I love where I live, smack in the middle of a National Forest and own a nice chunk of land with only one neighbor bordering it. The other three sides are a road and the federal forest land. The woods are my sanctuary, built here 40+ years ago and will be carried out feet first.


Sounds really nice--I don't like where I live: too flat, hot & dry--but then again, living way out away from civilization will limit your chances of meeting people, just saying.


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## RandomName (Sep 22, 2022)

RadishRose said:


> Dating is courtship for the young, for the instinct to have children and raise a family, as nature intended.
> 
> After a certain age, most or many women lose interest in certain urges as there is no longer a reason. Sadly, men never do.
> 
> ...



Hi all. Just an update from one of us who has decided to 'just get out there' to end the loneliness. 

I am less lonely, it is true. 

At first I thought it would  just be a matter of bravery.  But it's a whole host of things that have to be 'perfect'. Being in the right place, right time, right mood, right other people, and on and on, it seems.   Being self confident, happy, positive, all that usual good stuff, lol.

And when you're lonely, you don't have those things, of course.

I am making very slow progress on finding my unicorn. No one really clicks yet, when meeting at a social group, and I have been tempted to just give up and ask anyone out, just to have a date. Haven't done that yet, fortunately. 

I think I may end up with my unicorn being someone at one of my social activities and that we gradually realize over many meetings that we are right for one another.

Bus stop, wet day
She's there, I say
Please share my umbrella
Bus stops, bus goes
She stays, love grows
Under my umbrella

All that summer we enjoyed it
Wind and rain and shine
That umbrella, we employed it
By August she was mine

(The Hollies)


----------



## boliverchadsworth (Oct 11, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> I just had an idea of creating a thread especially for those of us who are finding ourselves alone now.
> 
> How are you doing today, what's new, anything special on your mind?  You are all welcome here.
> 
> ...


excellant idea ..someone ..maybe you should open up a webcam something or another zoom or whereby whatever open a  room and leave it open for folks to bop in talk about their gout undraine lookign miray careys nose etc......I never knew she had a nose.....what good is it for me to look at??


----------



## Flower51 (Oct 21, 2022)

Hello anyone on line


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## John cycling (Oct 21, 2022)

Hello, Flower.  Welcome to the forum.


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## Blessed (Oct 21, 2022)

@Flower51 , here now but getting ready for a nap....Welcome, many wonderful people here, just jump in a thread and meet your new friends.


----------



## Maywalk (Oct 25, 2022)

If I was as young as many of you and not disabled I would go for a nice walk. 
More so if I still had my dog but unfortunately I am confined to the home because I cant get anywhere on my own now. 
There must be social or craft clubs of some description where you live so why not look them up. ?
My  own passion is playing Scrabble so I would be on the look out to see if there were any clubs locally. 
Mind you I can play it on the net but it would be great if I could meet the person I was playing against.


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## Ruthanne (Nov 28, 2022)

boliverchadsworth said:


> excellant idea ..someone ..maybe you should open up a webcam something or another zoom or whereby whatever open a  room and leave it open for folks to bop in talk about their gout undraine lookign miray careys nose etc......I never knew she had a nose.....what good is it for me to look at??


Sorry but I am too shy to use a webcam.  I also don't have a camera on my computer.


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## Lewkat (Nov 28, 2022)

Where have I been?  I just ran across this thread.  I am never alone as my dog shadows me constantly.  She's such a baby.  Every little thing throws her into a tizzy.  Heaven forbid if  my phone "Pings."  It's ok if it rings, but, please do not ping.  lol.  

Seriously, I am beyond the dating or even looking at this point in my life.  I live in a senior living facility and there are loads of neighbors of both genders with apartments here.  Some have hooked up, but, I am not seeking that.  We do have parties and cocktail hours as  well as clubs, so, I guess being alone isn't troublesome for me.


----------



## Ruthanne (Nov 28, 2022)

Lewkat said:


> Where have I been?  I just ran across this thread.  I am never alone as my dog shadows me constantly.  She's such a baby.  Every little thing throws her into a tizzy.  Heaven forbid if  my phone "Pings."  It's ok if it rings, but, please do not ping.  lol.
> 
> Seriously, I am beyond the dating or even looking at this point in my life.  I live in a senior living facility and there are loads of neighbors of both genders with apartments here.  Some have hooked up, but, I am not seeking that.  We do have parties and cocktail hours as  well as clubs, so, I guess being alone isn't troublesome for me.


I'd love to live in a place like that with all the activities and clubs.  I am getting ready to stop trying to date someone.  It's a real pain in the rear.  And I haven't dated in ages anyways...lol...


----------



## officerripley (Nov 28, 2022)

Lewkat said:


> I live in a senior living facility and there are loads of neighbors of both genders with apartments here. Some have hooked up, but, I am not seeking that. We do have parties and cocktail hours as well as clubs, so, I guess being alone isn't troublesome for me.





Ruthanne said:


> I'd love to live in a place like that with all the activities and clubs.


I'd love to live in a place like that too. I think it'd really be my cuppa tea. Too bad they're just too expensive for most of us.


----------



## Ruthanne (Nov 28, 2022)

officerripley said:


> I'd love to live in a place like that too. I think it'd really be my cuppa tea. Too bad they're just too expensive for most of us.


I am on a very low fixed income and get subsidized housing.  If I didn't get the housing I'd be up a creek.  I do wonder though how much a place like that costs.


----------



## NorthernLight (Nov 28, 2022)

@Lewkat  (and others who said similar things): Yes indeed, there are different ways of being not-alone. 

In my previous location, there was a community feeling, and many acquaintances, even if they weren't really friends. I could go to the nearby cafe and always find people to shoot the breeze with. (I seldom went, but it was there if I wanted it.) I had various dealings with various people from time to time. It was enough.

Now, no matter how hard I try, it's never quite enough. One reason is that I'm still being careful about Covid. This means no card games, etc., where people sit close together and pass items back and forth.

@debodun  I get it about trying to give up on dating. I once said I will want a "relationship" until I take my last breath. I still think it's true. But relationships have usually been too disruptive or destructive, so I guess I'll avoid them. Not that anyone has expressed an interest!


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## John cycling (Nov 28, 2022)

NorthernLight said:


> Now, no matter how hard I try, it's never quite enough. One reason is that I'm still being careful about Covid.



Maybe try to stop living in fear, especially about spurious unproven theories. 
Personally I've been looking for a virus for decades, and as of yet have found zero evidence that one even exists.
No shots, no unusual precautions trying to avoid invisible things, no mask, no testing, no symptoms and I'm perfectly fine.
Where exactly is the virus???  In hospitals??  Now those are something to fear, but I stay far away from them with good reason.

Why hide away from something that's not only highly theoretical and questionable, but also never proven to exist.
Even the tests are admittedly flawed.  A person can test negative, then positive, then negative again less than 5 minutes later.
Are those the same tests that proved they existed?  Hmmmmmmm..... Yes..... How much more questionable could they be.

Okay, end of rant.
The point is to get out there and enjoy your life however you want to enjoy it, while you're still able to do so.

@NorthernLight - just trying to be helpful.


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## NorthernLight (Nov 28, 2022)

Thanks, @John cycling   . We've all heard both/all sides, I'm sure. I didn't mean to start a debate. Just saying where I'm at.


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## officerripley (Nov 28, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> I am on a very low fixed income and get subsidized housing.  If I didn't get the housing I'd be up a creek.  I do wonder though how much a place like that costs.


Around here, a place like that starts at about $3,000/month, for a studio (smaller than a 1-bedrm) apartment. And that was the price about a year ago; might be more now.


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## Ruthanne (Nov 28, 2022)

officerripley said:


> Around here, a place like that starts at about $3,000/month, for a studio (smaller than a 1-bedrm) apartment. And that was the price about a year ago; might be more now.


My income isn't even anywhere near 3000.00 a month!  I still can dream!


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## Lewkat (Nov 28, 2022)

officerripley said:


> Around here, a place like that starts at about $3,000/month, for a studio (smaller than a 1-bedrm) apartment. And that was the price about a year ago; might be more now.


It can cost far more than that for most places where I live.  I have a 3 room apartment, and the rent is through the ceiling and going up in Jan.


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## Ruthanne (Nov 28, 2022)

Lewkat said:


> It can cost far more than that for most places where I live.  I have a 3 room apartment, and the rent is through the ceiling and going up in Jan.


Sorry to hear that.  Rents all over are skyrocketing.  I wish there were a ceiling on rent prices.  People can't afford a nice place anymore.  It's just ridiculous.


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## Teacher Terry (Nov 28, 2022)

Locally a studio apartment in an independent living facility starts at 3400/month. They have an assisted living unit which starts at 5k and goes to 8k depending on what level of assistance is needed. It was a blessing for my friend but I couldn’t afford it.


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## Jace (Dec 4, 2022)

Just heard it called The Loneliness Epidemic! Wow! 

So, it's not just "here"...but everywhere!

More then 'we' knows or realize!


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## Bellbird (Dec 4, 2022)

Jace said:


> Just heard it called The Loneliness Epidemic! Wow!
> 
> So, it's not just "here"...but everywhere!
> 
> More then 'we' knows or realize!


Yes, we haven't got it on our own.


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## fancicoffee13 (Dec 4, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> I just had an idea of creating a thread especially for those of us who are finding ourselves alone now.
> 
> How are you doing today, what's new, anything special on your mind?  You are all welcome here.
> 
> ...


I may wind up alone again.  Marriage isn't working out.  We married late in life and I didn't know if this was a wise move.  We will see.


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## Disgustedman (Dec 4, 2022)

Reading through many responses.

I'm happily alone. It was by choice and how others have acted towards me. If I said more, it'd be a 5,000 word rant.


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## Remy (Dec 4, 2022)

I don't know what I'd do without the cats. Talia enjoying the new blanket I made for them from a fleece remnant.


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## fancicoffee13 (Dec 4, 2022)

Disgustedman said:


> Reading through many responses.
> 
> I'm happily alone. It was by choice and how others have acted towards me. If I said more, it'd be a 5,000 word rant.


Oh, well ok.  rant on.  I have a husband that can talk for and hour or more!


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## Remy (Dec 4, 2022)

Disgustedman said:


> Reading through many responses.
> 
> I'm happily alone. It was by choice and how others have acted towards me. If I said more, it'd be a 5,000 word rant.


It's OK to rant and I understand how people can treat others. I've certainly done more than my share of complaining on this forum.


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## RandomName (Dec 5, 2022)

Jace said:


> Just heard it called The Loneliness Epidemic! Wow!
> 
> So, it's not just "here"...but everywhere!
> 
> More then 'we' knows or realize!



I was getting seriously lonely, so much so, that I got up the nerve to (gasp) ask a woman out on a date!  She said yes, and we have been dating for 2 months now. 

It was Heaven on Earth for about a month, then I got spoiled with all her attention, and now I have to defend my privacy. She wants to be with me all the time, which is flattering as heck, but I need my space and my alone time! 

I still like being with her, that's the good news. But yes, Virginia, relationships have their difficulties, lol. 

Still, this is way better than the awful, grinding loneliness I went through. I ought to be grateful to have her, and yes, I suppose I am.     

Just my two cents worth of input. I can understand the joy of not dating, as well as the joy of dating. I guess it just depends where one is, emotionally, at any given moment.


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## MarkinPhx (Dec 5, 2022)

I have had COVID for the first time this past week so I  have been totally isolated from everything and I am going crazy. I enjoy living alone and being rather solitary but not this isolated !  I tested positive again today so I had to order in groceries once again. I look forward to being able to go to the store just to be around people . The good news is that I was bad for only about four days and came out of it luckier than many so not complaining but the confinement is nerve racking even for this introvert !


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## RadishRose (Dec 5, 2022)

MarkinPhx said:


> I have had COVID for the first time this past week so I  have been totally isolated from everything and I am going crazy. I enjoy living alone and being rather solitary but not this isolated !  I tested positive again today so I had to order in groceries once again. I look forward to being able to go to the store just to be around people . The good news is that I was bad for only about four days and came out of it luckier than many so not complaining but the confinement is nerve racking even for this introvert !


Sorry @MarkinPhx . At least you weren't badly ill more than 4 days. You have us, don't forget.    Get well!


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## MarkinPhx (Dec 5, 2022)

RadishRose said:


> Sorry @MarkinPhx . At least you weren't badly ill more than 4 days. You have us, don't forget.    Get well!


Thanks ! And I do feel fortunate that I did not have it  too bad. I did lurk here a lot but my brain was too mushy to post much


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## Blessed (Dec 5, 2022)

MarkinPhx said:


> Thanks ! And I do feel fortunate that I did not have it  too bad. I did lurk here a lot but my brain was too mushy to post much



Sorry you caught it. I have not had it yet.  I will say any kind of illness is harder when you live alone.  I have not felt well the last few days, placed an order for groceries that should be here any minute.  I am thankful that we have that option now.


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## palides2021 (Dec 5, 2022)

MarkinPhx said:


> I have had COVID for the first time this past week so I  have been totally isolated from everything and I am going crazy. I enjoy living alone and being rather solitary but not this isolated !  I tested positive again today so I had to order in groceries once again. I look forward to being able to go to the store just to be around people . The good news is that I was bad for only about four days and came out of it luckier than many so not complaining but the confinement is nerve racking even for this introvert !


Hope you feel better soon, @MarkinPhx ! I've had Covid twice. The first time, I slept through most of the ten days! The second time (this past summer), my energy was much better, and I didn't isolate as long as I did the first time. I wore a mask around the sixth day and went out. This time around, covid is not as deadly from what I gather. I use the https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/
 website to get a feel if the covid cases/deaths are going up or not. But everyone is different. Watch some good movies or talk on the phone to friends and family, do something that brings you pleasure. The time will go by fast.


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## Remy (Dec 6, 2022)

I'm so sorry @MarkinPhx I avoided it for almost 3 years even with many many exposures at work. My other co-workers that finally got it also said it's probably this highly contagious varient.

I'm glad you seem to be on the mend and were able to order groceries to be delivered.


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## boliverchadsworth (Dec 6, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> I just had an idea of creating a thread especially for those of us who are finding ourselves alone now.
> 
> How are you doing today, what's new, anything special on your mind?  You are all welcome here.
> 
> ...


good idea, go to the front of the class


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## Joe Smith (Dec 6, 2022)

Mr. Lonely​Lyrics

Lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely
I have nobody for my own
Now I am so lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely
Wish I had someone to call on the phone
Now I'm a soldier, a lonely soldier
Away from home through no wish of my own
That's why I'm lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely
I wish that I could go back home
Letters, never a letter
I get no letters in the mail
I've been forgotten, yes, forgotten
Oh, how I wonder, how is it I failed
Now I'm a soldier, a lonely soldier
Away from home through no wish of my own
That's why I'm lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely
I wish that I could go back home

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Bobby Vinton / Gene Allan
Mr. Lonely lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC


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## Supernatural (Dec 30, 2022)

Granted my widowhood is just into the 7 months. What I miss in my alone time are the kisses (ooh he was a good kisser just like Cher says in her song: it's in his kiss!). What we went through the last 5 years after our youngest died at just 26 of a rare cancer. It was difficult.

We've had our own way to deal with the pain of losing a child (that's not what you expect in life, yes?) However, things were finally looking up. Our new OAP Pad was now decorated, daughter had recovered from losing her younger brother and we were once more planning our upcoming summer 2022.

So, I miss the daily chats, the hugs and waking up saying "Good Morning Darling!" I miss that plus going to bed at night.

Due to the type of work he did before, me and munchkins ended up on our own for months on end. Therefore, I'm now into that mode again. The only thing missing are the daily phone conversations we had on those away days.

Life is a wee bit simpler as my accounting sheets are set (graduated in Accounting but never worked in it lol) and keep me in the black. I keep busy with television watching with daughter. Taking care of new kitten.

I'm in no hurry to jump back into dating, but I'd love someone to talk to. I'll wait probably a year before looking at anyone out of respect. By then, I might change my mind completely and carry on alone with daughter and .

I've managed the impossible and face the end of the year with a cushion of security. Hoping that the backlog of mail will come back streaming (fingers-crossed) proof in pudding, a piece of mail dated 16/12 arrived today so 15 days to get here.

I'm still hoping to get an invitation to Hogmanay but people are uncomfortable when you've lost a spouse.

At the end of the day, I'm coping well, so does daughter and kitten's heaven sent wee companion but I still miss my hubby. It took 5 years for son, it took nearly 30 years for father... I'm okay for now, one day at a time. Next year I'm hoping to launch my novel series again to make a bit of extra cash. What's an alone time killer just now is the lack of progress and information. 

When you wait and wait, without being able to explain your frustrations to your better half that's when you're crushed to find out that you're really alone now. So it's a 50-50 situation for now... I hope that makes sense


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## RadishRose (Dec 30, 2022)

Supernatural said:


> Granted my widowhood is just into the 7 months. What I miss in my alone time are the kisses (ooh he was a good kisser just like Cher says in her song: it's in his kiss!). What we went through the last 5 years after our youngest died at just 26 of a rare cancer. It was difficult.
> 
> We've had our own way to deal with the pain of losing a child (that's not what you expect in life, yes?) However, things were finally looking up. Our new OAP Pad was now decorated, daughter had recovered from losing her younger brother and we were once more planning our upcoming summer 2022.
> 
> ...


You've been through so much, so sorry. I wish for you some good company when you need it and peace in your heart.


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## Supernatural (Dec 30, 2022)

RadishRose said:


> You've been through so much, so sorry. I wish for you some good company when you need it and peace in your heart.


Thank you!


----------



## Jaiden (Dec 30, 2022)

After my husband died, I didn't really want a bunch of people around - I was lonely for him.  Sometimes, being lonely is very specific.  At times, I've felt lonely with other people around.

I spent this Christmas with my son's family and friends, but there were still moments when I  felt lonely.  My husband loved Christmas, and I have so many memories.

I'm not complaining.  I'm incredibly lucky to be living with my amazing son and son-in-law and their wonderful kids.  I guess I just wanted to say that you can feel lonely sometimes in the middle of friends and family.


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## Ruthanne (Dec 30, 2022)

Feeling particularly alone tonight.  I don't know why but maybe because I am....lol   Some days I keep so busy I don't feel alone but today is different.

Wish I had some company.


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## palides2021 (Dec 30, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Feeling particularly alone tonight.  I don't know why but maybe because I am....lol   Some days I keep so busy I don't feel alone but today is different.
> 
> Wish I had some company.


I know what you mean. Some days are more lonely than others. I keep myself busy, and that helps, and I listen to nice music throughout the day- that keeps me feeling good. Maybe that might help. Stay connected. SF is good for that.


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## Ruthanne (Dec 30, 2022)

I sometimes feel invisible to the people on here...well not everyone.  Thanks for your message.


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## palides2021 (Dec 30, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> I sometimes feel invisible to the people on here...well not everyone.  Thanks for your message.


I've noticed that after a certain hour, it gets really quiet on here. I think mostly everyone is in bed, haha.


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## Ruthanne (Dec 30, 2022)

palides2021 said:


> I've noticed that after a certain hour, it gets really quiet on here. I think mostly everyone is in bed, haha.


I feel invisible all during the day too but don't say anything.  I feel like there's a popular group here and I am not one of them.  I get the smiley likes but hardly anyone chats with me.


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## RadishRose (Dec 30, 2022)

Jaiden said:


> After my husband died, I didn't really want a bunch of people around - I was lonely for him.  Sometimes, being lonely is very specific.  At times, I've felt lonely with other people around.
> 
> I spent this Christmas with my son's family and friends, but there were still moments when I  felt lonely.  My husband loved Christmas, and I have so many memories.
> 
> I'm not complaining.  I'm incredibly lucky to be living with my amazing son and son-in-law and their wonderful kids.  I guess I just wanted to say that you can feel lonely sometimes in the middle of friends and family.


Yes you can. Sorry about the loss of your husband. This time of year makes things so difficult. Glad you have sons and may they give you comfort.


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## Ruthanne (Dec 30, 2022)

Maybe I should just leave here.  Doubt I'd be missed.


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## Buckeye (Dec 30, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Maybe I should just leave here.  Doubt I'd be missed.


Nah.  I'm not one of the alone folks, but I'd miss ya


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## Ruthanne (Dec 30, 2022)

Buckeye said:


> Nah.  I'm not one of the alone folks, but I'd miss ya


Thanks Buckeye.  You are a real sweetheart and a good guy.  Your SO is so lucky to have you


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## officerripley (Dec 30, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Maybe I should just leave here.  Doubt I'd be missed.


Aw, please don't leave Ruthanne. I don't have time to chat as much as I'd like on here but I for one would miss your posts and replies. So please don't leave.


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## Ruthanne (Dec 30, 2022)

Buckeye said:


> Nah.  I'm not one of the alone folks, but I'd miss ya


And thanks for posting me a message!


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## Ruthanne (Dec 30, 2022)

officerripley said:


> Aw, please don't leave Ruthanne. I don't have time to chat as much as I'd like on here but I for one would miss your posts and replies. So please don't leave.


Thanks so much.


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## Gaer (Dec 30, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Maybe I should just leave here.  Doubt I'd be missed.


Don't you DARE!!!!
I think of you as the "sweetheart of Senior Forums".
You speak from your heart.  You're honest, intelligent,
You don't brag about yourself, or hide your feelings, 
You tell it like it is!  
WE ALL love reading your posts! You stay here!


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## Bella (Dec 30, 2022)

Don't you dare!

I love your posts!
You're a sweet, warm person, and I'd miss you if you took a powder. 

Ruthie, I don't comment on everything. I do comment, and most people don't "chat" with me either, if someone engages me, I respond to them. I just take it as it comes.

You're not allowed to leave. 

We'll unleash the hounds, track you down, and find you!







Bella


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## Bella (Dec 30, 2022)

Gaer said:


> *Don't you DARE!!!!*
> I think of you as the "sweetheart of Senior Forums".
> You speak from your heart.  You're honest, intelligent,
> You don't brag about yourself, or hide your feelings,
> ...


LOL! We were posting at the same time. Great minds think alike!


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## Ruthanne (Dec 30, 2022)

Gaer said:


> Don't you DARE!!!!
> I think of you as the "sweetheart of Senior Forums".
> You speak from your heart.  You're honest, intelligent,
> You don't brag about yourself, or hide your feelings,
> ...


Thank you @Gaer. I always love seeing you on here with all your talents and wisdom!


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## Ruthanne (Dec 30, 2022)

Bella said:


> Don't you dare!
> 
> I love your posts!
> You're a sweet, warm person, and I'd miss you if you took a powder.
> ...


That's funny.  I'm going to make more of a point posting words to people.  Just posting the smilies all the time is not always best for members.  Thank you for your sweet message!


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## palides2021 (Dec 30, 2022)

Disgustedman said:


> Reading through many responses.
> 
> I'm happily alone. It was by choice and how others have acted towards me. If I said more, it'd be a 5,000 word rant.


Go ahead, rant. We're here to listen. I'm happily alone, too. What makes it happy for you?


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## palides2021 (Dec 30, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> That's funny.  I'm going to make more of a point posting words to people.  Just posting the smilies all the time is not always best for members.  Thank you for your sweet message!


Yes! That is so true! Unless someone quotes our posts and replies, we don't really have a conversation. I have noticed that we really have to make an effort here to reach out - by quoting and replying and getting reciprocation - for the best effect from SF, and that helps build friendships. Otherwise, we're all ships floating next to each other in the sea and never crossing.


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## Blessed (Dec 30, 2022)

Stop that, you know many of us here are alone.  Do you want to hear about the handsome cops at the grocery store this evening, thought I was going to the slammer because  my credit card would not work LOL


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## palides2021 (Dec 30, 2022)

Blessed said:


> Stop that, you know many of us here are alone.  Do you want to hear about the handsome cops at the grocery store this evening, thought I was going to the slammer because  my credit card would not work LOL


Yes, tell us, please!


----------



## Blessed (Dec 30, 2022)

I will give you the details shortly.   Right now I have to go stuff my self with frozen french fries, I was at the store so long, I have had any dinner yet!!


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## Blessed (Dec 30, 2022)

It all started earlier today, son called and asked me if the grandson could come spend the night for NYE.  Well of course!! So I got up off my lazy butt and started to clean up the joint.  These days it takes an act of congress to make me do it.  

Three hours later son calls, they have had covid exposure so they aal have to star home, look, can't eat and type.....


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## Ruthanne (Dec 30, 2022)

palides2021 said:


> Yes! That is so true! Unless someone quotes our posts and replies, we don't really have a conversation. I have noticed that we really have to make an effort here to reach out - by quoting and replying and getting reciprocation - for the best effect from SF, and that helps build friendships. Otherwise, we're all ships floating next to each other in the sea and never crossing.



Thanks and I agree with you totally!


----------



## Blessed (Dec 30, 2022)

Anyway, they are going to be stuck at home for a few days.  So, I ask do you have anything good in the freezer for a special NYE dinner.  No they did not, as they were planning on going out with friends for dinner and then onto the friends home for game night.

Of course, they should not go to a store and pass it on.  I told son I would go and pick something up, they could come by here, I would just hang the goodies on the front door. They all feel fine right now.

I go to the local chain grocery, know exactly what I want and get the job done.  
I go to the front to check out and my credit card is declined.  WHAT is going on.
I have to ask the clerk if I can use their phone as I do not have a cell.  It is kind of like that old story, I have checks so I am not out of money??

So, I call the bank, oh yes, the card was put on a hold for possible fraud.  How is that, I never filed a complaint.  Yes Yes, we are sorry, we are fixing it right now.  Try again in 5 minutes, okay.

So we wait 5 minutes and it still does not go through.  By this time I am not only embarrassed but heated.  I have 5lbs of snow crab thawing in my cart.  Back to customer service to call the bank.  I am on the phone with the bank again, I swing around to check the cart and there stand three policemen.

I turn back to the clerk and ask if they are here for me (in horror)!  He rolls his eyes and says I don't have a clue.  The bank is saying the card is fixed, so I hand it back to the clerk and say run it. 

About that time a manager comes from the back and is speaking with the officers while I stand there shaking.  The clerk says it went through, everything is fine.  I tell the bank just to hold on, you may need to tell the police what is going on.  

Then the officers and the manager are just laughing.  Turns out the clerk had accidentally dialed 911 trying to get me an outside line to call the bank.  The officers are required to respond to any 911 call even if it might be an accidental call.  Yes, I slowly made my way out of the store, dripping crab juice all the way to the car.  At least my son and his family will have a good laugh and NYE dinner.


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## palides2021 (Dec 30, 2022)

Blessed said:


> Anyway, they are going to be stuck at home for a few days.  So, I ask do you have anything good in the freezer for a special NYE dinner.  No they did not, as they were planning on going out with friends for dinner and then onto the friends home for game night.
> 
> Of course, they should not go to a store and pass it on.  I told son I would go and pick something up, they could come by here, I would just hang the goodies on the front door. They all feel fine right now.
> 
> ...


Wow! What a day for you, @Blessed! At least it turned out well. Wishing your son and his family a speedy recovery! Enjoy the weekend.


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## Wren (Dec 31, 2022)

Sending hugs to everybody who is alone today, (as I am) wishing you all a Happy New Year ! X

Come and join in my New Years Party ! 

O


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## Farrah Nuff (Dec 31, 2022)

Not everyone that’s alone, is lonely.
The same as not all who wander are lost.
But if you are one of the lost or lonely or
maybe just frustrated, at times, I hope
that your sense of ill being passes quickly.


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## Supernatural (Dec 31, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Feeling particularly alone tonight.  I don't know why but maybe because I am....lol   Some days I keep so busy I don't feel alone but today is different.
> 
> Wish I had some company.


You've got me and daughter to chat if you want to...


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## dobielvr (Dec 31, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> I feel invisible all during the day too but don't say anything.  I feel like there's a popular group here and I am not one of them.  I get the smiley likes but hardly anyone chats with me.


I feel that you're really popular here! 
You always start real interesting conversation topics.  I admire that about you.

I don't chat a lot of times because I'm usually too busy eating lol .


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## Wren (Dec 31, 2022)

Especially for Ruthanne, who kindly started this thread, a long term and much loved SF member,
I hope these  cheer you up Ruthanne and you have a wonderful New Year !


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## NorthernLight (Dec 31, 2022)

Blessed said:


> Anyway, they are going to be stuck at home for a few days.  So, I ask do you have anything good in the freezer for a special NYE dinner.  No they did not, as they were planning on going out with friends for dinner and then onto the friends home for game night.
> 
> Of course, they should not go to a store and pass it on.  I told son I would go and pick something up, they could come by here, I would just hang the goodies on the front door. They all feel fine right now.
> 
> ...


Arg. This is why I have 2 credit cards,from different banks. Once, when traveling, I had a Citibank CC. Guess which card was not accepted at the airport cash machine. 

Another time, also when traveling, the CC company put a hold on my card. What? You're not supposed to use your credit card while traveling? I had to rely on the kindness of the other people in my tour group, who were strangers.


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## Spiritsoar1960 (Jan 1, 2023)

Farrah Nuff said:


> Not everyone that’s alone, is lonely.
> The same as not all who wander are lost.
> But if you are one of the lost or lonely or
> maybe just frustrated, at times, I hope
> that your sense of ill being passes quickly.


Thank you


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## Pecos (Jan 1, 2023)

Ruthanne said:


> Maybe I should just leave here.  Doubt I'd be missed.


I vote that you stay.


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## Ruthanne (Jan 1, 2023)

Pecos said:


> I vote that you stay.


Thank you.  I was having a very bad day that day.  My mindset is better today


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## Blessed (Jan 1, 2023)

Glad you are feeling better, those bad days sneak up on you!


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## Pecos (Jan 1, 2023)

Pecos said:


> I vote that you stay.


You contribute a lot, and you start many of the more interesting threads.


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## Ruthanne (Jan 1, 2023)

Pecos said:


> You contribute a lot, and you start many of the more interesting threads.


Thanks.  I don't start as many as I used to because I can't come up with anything recently,


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## JaniceM (Jan 2, 2023)

Pecos said:


> I vote that you stay.


and I second that vote!!


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## Pepper (Jan 2, 2023)

Ruthanne said:


> Maybe I should just leave here.  Doubt I'd be missed.


*WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ABSOTIVELY POSILUTELY WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*​


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## Remy (Jan 2, 2023)

Ruthanne said:


> Maybe I should just leave here.  Doubt I'd be missed.


No way! Glad to read you are feeling better. I know I can get down and feeling like that also. 

   to you.


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## TeeJay (Jan 2, 2023)

Pepper said:


> *WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> ABSOTIVELY POSILUTELY WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*​


*"Absotively Posilutely"? ... Can I use that? *


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## Pepper (Jan 3, 2023)

Yes, TJ, yes you can.


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## Lewkat (Jan 3, 2023)

Alone?  Not when I have a dog who sticks to me like glue every move I make.  Wouldn't trade her for all the gold in Fort Knox.


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## Remy (Jan 3, 2023)

I wouldn't be here without my cats. Talia is recently diagnosed with low grade lymphoma so I don't know how this will play out. I can't stand the thought of losing her.


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## Bellbird (Jan 3, 2023)

Remy said:


> I wouldn't be here without my cats. Talia is recently diagnosed with low grade lymphoma so I don't know how this will play out. I can't stand the thought of losing her.


Wishing Talia all the best.


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## Remy (Jan 4, 2023)

Bellbird said:


> Wishing Talia all the best.


Thank you. She is taking prednisone with a veterinarian appointment this Tuesday.


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## Ruthanne (Jan 4, 2023)

JaniceM said:


> and I second that vote!!


Thanks


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## Ruthanne (Jan 4, 2023)

Wren said:


> Especially for Ruthanne, who kindly started this thread, a long term and much loved SF member,
> I hope these  cheer you up Ruthanne and you have a wonderful New Year !
> 
> View attachment 259794


Thank you!  Those are my favorites


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## Ruthanne (Jan 4, 2023)

Bella said:


> Don't you dare!
> 
> I love your posts!
> You're a sweet, warm person, and I'd miss you if you took a powder.
> ...


Awww...you and everyone are so kind hearted.  Makes me want to cry.  I am lucky be here with all you sweet people!


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## Ruthanne (Jan 4, 2023)

dobielvr said:


> I feel that you're really popular here!
> You always start real interesting conversation topics.  I admire that about you.
> 
> I don't chat a lot of times because I'm usually too busy eating lol .


Thanks for your message  I appreciate the compliment.


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## Ruthanne (Jan 4, 2023)

Joe Smith said:


> Mr. Lonely​Lyrics
> 
> Lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely
> I have nobody for my own
> ...


I had that 45 when I was a kid and I played it a lot


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