# Do you feel that people really understand you and your life?



## Victor (Apr 21, 2019)

All my life I have felt misunderstood, especially by my family.
Even friends. I am very open and confessional to close
friends. Maybe this depends on how much you express your
feelings, self doubts, thought. Introverts are less likely
to be understood well. Some people are shallow that it
doesn't matter. I know when people don't understand really
when they make cliche insensitive comments and questions.
"you don't need to hear "the glass is half full".

My sense is that unless someone has lived like you have lived
in your lifestyle, they will fail to understand.

A famous man once said, people understand me so little that they
do not even understand when I complain about being misunderstood.


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## Rosemarie (Apr 21, 2019)

No, but I don't care. I know what I'm about, that's all that matters. Some of us care too much about what others think.


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## Aunt Bea (Apr 21, 2019)

Nope!


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## ClassicRockr (Apr 21, 2019)

One thing for sure, nobody, where we live, understands why we want to move back to Colorado. There are some, but not many, that understand my humor, both sarcastic and sometimes arrogant, like my wife does. There are those that even think, and I'm sure they are "thinking" this...……."he needs to grow up". 

Funny, but, what wife and I like to do in life, none of our families do.


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## CeeCee (Apr 21, 2019)

Sure...why wouldn’t they?

Im a pretty normal type person...nothing to understand.


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## Rosemarie (Apr 21, 2019)

Most people are self-obsessed anyway....they are not as interested in anyone else as you might think. Perhaps those who feel misunderstood are simply not getting the attention they think they are entitled to?


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## Vega_Lyra (Apr 21, 2019)

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.”

― Lao Tzu


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## Trade (Apr 21, 2019)




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## Butterfly (Apr 22, 2019)

Rosemarie said:


> No, but I don't care. I know what I'm about, that's all that matters. Some of us care too much about what others think.



I completely agree.  What does "understand me" even mean?  Any why is that important?


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## Ruth n Jersey (Apr 22, 2019)

When I was younger I really cared what others think,not so much today. My Mom would always say,What will people think? These days I still won't go to the store in a stained shirt or holes in my pants . My hubby gets the brunt of my upbringing. He still hasn't figured out what colors go with what and he doesn't care. I'm always thinking someone is wondering why his wife lets him out of the house dressed like that. Dress shoes,shorts and a cowboy hat,Good Lord, the man needs help.


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## gennie (Apr 22, 2019)

Probably not but I don't care.  On days when my glass seems only half full, I simply get a smaller glass.


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## Keesha (Apr 22, 2019)

No, nor do I expect them to


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## retiredtraveler (Apr 22, 2019)

I don't understand _other_ people. I'm sure they don't understand me, but I don't really think on that. I just see so many people just 'showing up' every day without a thought for their future. That defies my understanding.


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## C'est Moi (Apr 22, 2019)

Couldn't care less, frankly.


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## AprilSun (Apr 22, 2019)

No, unless they have walked in our shoes, they don't understand. I don't care either until they start trying to tell me how to live my life as if they understand. That's what upsets me. I feel they have no right to tell us what to do or quit doing until they walk in our shoes. In the meantime, they should mind their own business.


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## CindyLouWho (Apr 22, 2019)

I don't think most people stop and take the time to understand someone else. You know what they say, "Most people don't really care about you and the rest are just curious". 
I'd say live and let live...those who do understand you are the ones that matter.


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## Gary O' (Apr 22, 2019)

prolly not

as long as they don't ask me to explain, I'm good


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## cdestroyer (Apr 23, 2019)

I am of the same opinion as victor. There are things about me other people don't or won't try to understand. And they don't
understand what it was like for me in the military. I had security clearances to things that scared even me. Secrets that even today I have even after such a long time. Oh ya I know yall gonna say what the heck could I have after this much time that is still classified. Well now wouldn't some conniving foreign military like to know how it was 'back' then and maybe use it to figure out what it is today? Also some of the equipment is still in use today! And nope can't tell ya! ha.....


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## DaveA (Apr 23, 2019)

I don't get the problem.  If I like someone, that's it, i like 'em and enjoy their company.  If they'r e"hard to understand" (whatever that means), I'll pass and let someone else figure it out.

What's there that I need to understand about them, or them about me. From the original topic, we're talking about acquaintances, not husbands, wives, or business partners.Too many other things in life, to be concerned about.  If people are wandering about with strange secrets that are off-putting, that's their problem, not mine.  And maybe I'm the weird, mis-understood person??  Then I'd say, give me a wide berth 'cause I'm not worth your trouble to "understand".


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## Olivia (Apr 23, 2019)

It's not the not understanding (I mean seriously do we even really understand ourselves?). It's the misunderstanding that can cause problems, of how we communicate. In that case, yes, understanding--or at least trying to--can make a difference. Give yourself and others the benefit of the doubt, at least try to.


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## debbie in seattle (Apr 23, 2019)

Nope.    They don’t have a clue unless they’ve lived my life, walked in my shoes.


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## Seeker (Apr 23, 2019)

debbie in seattle said:


> Nope.    They don’t have a clue unless they’ve lived my life, walked in my shoes.




Yes!!!! and as I say "unless you've skid across the floor in my socks..you have no clue"


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## Ruthanne (Apr 23, 2019)

You are right that those who haven't been there in your shoes probably don't understand.  I feel that many may just not care enough to try to understand.  Then some may understand on some level but not convey that to us, too.  I'm pretty sure that there would be those who would have a hard time understanding me and just say something dismissive as a result.  Empathy is also something that many do not have.


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## Lara (Apr 24, 2019)

I've realized that people only understand from their level of perception.

I used to waste my time explaining who I am to people who were committed to misunderstanding me...mostly online...but I've gotten better about walking away from them. In real life, it doesn't happen much anymore but  it does occasionally. 

Some members have said that they don't care if they're misunderstood and I want to join in and say I don't care either. But I'm still learning that...haven't quite gotten there.


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## Ronni (Apr 24, 2019)

I do care about gaining understanding about me and what makes me tick from my loved ones.  Whether it should be or not, that's important to me.  That said, I don't expect understanding from them about everything.  I think that's an entirely unreal expectation. 

What I'm talking about, what I hope for, is for understanding of the broad strokes of my life and my choices, and NOT the specifics or the minutiae. As long as my loved ones understand me from the viewpoint of my character, my values, my priorities, I'm good with that.  If they get that, then their general expectations of me will follow and they won't be confused or disappointed.  They may not agree, but that's not what we're talking about here.  Whether they agree or not, my hope is that my loved ones know me well enough to understand.  

And they do.  And I'm good with that.


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## Victor (Apr 24, 2019)

My concern is with immediate family and longtime friends. Not acquaintances or the public or colleagues. I don't expect them to understand me or vice-versa,
 Obviously strangers will not understand.  My experience is that Therapists who are supposed to understand  often do not (and cannot) though they will not admit it. 
  By "understand", I mean on a deeper level, not superficially. Knowing why you are the way you are and the strong reasons for your decisions and actions. This reaches to your inner core  of who you are. Not to be understood can be alienating and lonely. Chit chat is okay but it goes nowhere. My mother did not understand me, as she was so critical. I had a very traumatic childhood that left me with much anxiety and depression. So who will understand that? But if you have lived a normal and typical life,you are more likely to be understood quite clearly by family, friends.


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## Ruthanne (Apr 24, 2019)

Victor said:


> My concern is with immediate family and longtime friends. Not acquaintances or the public or colleagues. I don't expect them to understand me or vice-versa,
> Obviously strangers will not understand.  My experience is that Therapists who are supposed to understand  often do not (and cannot) though they will not admit it.
> By "understand", I mean on a deeper level, not superficially. Knowing why you are the way you are and the strong reasons for your decisions and actions. This reaches to your inner core  of who you are. Not to be understood can be alienating and lonely. Chit chat is okay but it goes nowhere. My mother did not understand me, as she was so critical. I had a very traumatic childhood that left me with much anxiety and depression. So who will understand that? But if you have lived a normal and typical life,you are more likely to be understood quite clearly by family, friends.


There are so many who have had a lot of trauma in their lives who will understand and not all therapists have had that or they may take an approach that leads you to believe they couldn't understand.  My mother went through some of the things I did and still did not understand me either; it was not an important thing to her to  understand at the time.  In this world is there really a "normal?"  Perhaps..perhaps not..who knows anymore...


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## JFBev (Apr 24, 2019)

Could it be acceptance, rather than understanding, that you might want?  I for one am rather goofy, attracted to science documentaries and ballroom dancing.  My close family and friends don't understand me a bit (vice versa as well!), but we accept each other anyhow!
:hair:


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## Catlady (Apr 24, 2019)

Victor said:


> My concern is with immediate family and longtime friends. Not acquaintances or the public or colleagues. I don't expect them to understand me or vice-versa,
> Obviously strangers will not understand.  *My experience is that Therapists who are supposed to understand  often do not (and cannot) though they will not admit it. *
> By "understand", I mean on a deeper level, not superficially. Knowing why you are the way you are and the strong reasons for your decisions and actions. This reaches to your inner core  of who you are. Not to be understood can be alienating and lonely. Chit chat is okay but it goes nowhere. My mother did not understand me, as she was so critical. I had a very traumatic childhood that left me with much anxiety and depression. So who will understand that? But if you have lived a normal and typical life,you are more likely to be understood quite clearly by family, friends.



If your therapist admits to understanding you that will be the beginning of the end of the therapy and the end of his/her income from you.  I've read of celebrities (they can afford the therapists) who claim to have gone for years to their therapists and celebrities are some of the most messed up people.  Yet their $300+ an hour therapists never find the solution to help them deal with their problems.  Doing that would be against their self-interests.

I am the black sheep of my family and no one understands me.  I don't care, I do as I please, and like Sammy Davis Jr sang,  "I've gotta be me, who else can I be?"  I pay my own way and do it all my way, whether anybody approves of me or not.


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## Ronni (Apr 25, 2019)

JFBev said:


> Could it be acceptance, rather than understanding, that you might want?  I for one am rather goofy, attracted to science documentaries and ballroom dancing.  My close family and friends don't understand me a bit (vice versa as well!), but we accept each other anyhow!
> :hair:



High Five Bev!!!  I'm a ballroom dancer!!!


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## Manatee (Apr 25, 2019)

Younger folks don't walk in our shoes, they live in flip-flops.  They have no comprehension of our life experiences.


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## Leann (Apr 25, 2019)

In my long-ago youth, I jumped to conclusions about people without taking much time to get to know them. I'm the polar opposite now. I'd much rather listen to people, ask them about their lives and let them talk about whatever they'd like than to talk about myself. And it has truly helped me understand people better and perhaps myself, too.


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## WhatInThe (Apr 30, 2019)

What's the expression 'Until you walk a mile in another person's shoes'

With perspective and context of course it's easy to be misunderstood. Throw in people who are trying to push their own narrative being misunderstood or your actions, opinions, plans etc will be misconstrued. 

Does it directly affect you, your relationship with others and/or your actual plans, activities, causes, projects, job, career etc. If not don't worry about it. If it does identify the problem and take them or it out(of the picture)


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## Svenska (May 5, 2019)

Ronni, that’s a good answer. It doesn’t trivialize the question. We are all different and our needs in different relationships can vary.


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## AZ Jim (May 5, 2019)

debbie in seattle said:


> Nope. They don’t have a clue unless they’ve lived my life, walked in my shoes.


What size shoes Debbie?


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## Shalimar (May 5, 2019)

PVC said:


> If your therapist admits to understanding you that will be the beginning of the end of the therapy and the end of his/her income from you.  I've read of celebrities (they can afford the therapists) who claim to have gone for years to their therapists and celebrities are some of the most messed up people.  Yet their $300+ an hour therapists never find the solution to help them deal with their problems.  Doing that would be against their self-interests.
> 
> I am the black sheep of my family and no one understands me.  I don't care, I do as I please, and like Sammy Davis Jr sang,  "I've gotta be me, who else can I be?"  I pay my own way and do it all my way, whether anybody approves of me or not.


Not all therapists operate from a mercenary position. Over fifty percent of my clients are pro bono.


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## Bridget Truesdale (May 9, 2019)

I don't much feel at all that people understand my life.  But, that said, I am a divorcee without children, living in the state of Utah.  Number one, very few women here don't have kids.  Number two, divorce rate not so high here, either.  I am also not a Mormon.  So my life, honestly, is something very strange to even contemplate for a lot of people.  I don't explain much, and don't feel compelled to.  I became single due to a divorce nearly fifteen years ago.  I have my moments when living alone is lonely, but I have so many when it is wonderful.  I feel 'Ah, I'm HOME,' when I come in the door after work, and that, for me, is the best thing in the world.  I've lived with another human being, and not felt that same peace on arrival


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## Catlady (May 9, 2019)

Bridget Truesdale said:


> I feel 'Ah, I'm HOME,' when I come in the door after work, and that, for me, is the best thing in the world.  *I've lived with another human being, and not felt that same peace on arrival*



I know EXACTLY how you feel!  I've been divorced since 1967 and alone since 1984.  My home is truly my castle and my privacy is priceless.  I love being master of my life and queen of my house, without having to compromise.

*Welcome to our forum*, hope you enjoy it as much as most of us do, including me.


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## Olivia (May 9, 2019)

*+* Reply to ThreadPage 3 of 3


First

123Results 31 to 38 of 38


*Do you feel that people really understand you and your life?*


If I just in general I thought I people did, then I'd feel like a total simpleton. And  anyone who thought so, would be a simpleton themselves.


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## Judycat (Jun 24, 2019)

Victor, my therapist wasn't helpful either. I went for quite a while. Seemed just to talk about my problems rather than have a real dialogue. Finally I quit, it became depressing talking about myself that way. The people around me, the ones I care about most, are wrapped up in their own lives. I am not one to show up without an invite, so that's my problem. I don't want to be a pain. Plus now that I'm older, I don't have the energy to invest in relationships the way I used to. My daughter dying really hollowed me out too. I'm sorry your family alienates you. You aren't alone in that.


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## mike4lorie (Jun 25, 2019)

I'm one of these people who don't really care what people think of me or my life style, If I am happy and healthy, then that's all I worry about... Don't really care what they are saying about me, and if they are talking behind my back,  then they are leaving you alone...


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## Repondering (Jun 25, 2019)

My family lived with unhappiness, envy, poor self image and unmanaged mood disorder.  In the public view, we were I think, fairly unremarkable.  But in private we were pretty dysfunctional and two of the sons, my brothers, walked away and never looked back.....understandably in my opinion.  I stayed and cared for a marginally psychotic mother, basically since I walked in on a suicide gesture when I was five years old.

Now only myself and one brother are left alive.  I live alone in a family house surrounded by memories.  So do I feel or think that people really understand me and my life?  Actually no, I don't think people understand much about me.  I don't lose any sleep over it and I keep most of it to myself but the feeling of "differentness" doesn't enhance my social life.


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## Shalimar (Jun 25, 2019)

No, not really. Some of my earlier experiences marked me in ways which forever  separated me from most people’s  understanding.


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## Trade (Jun 26, 2019)




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## Falcon (Jun 26, 2019)

Reading  posts  on this forum  is like   being  in school  again. Thanks  everybody.


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## Lc jones (Aug 5, 2019)

When I was younger I really cared what people thought and in the workplace it was essential to keep your nose clean and keep your private issues to yourself. Now that I’m retired I care less and less what other people think and it has liberated me! My life is so much more carefree. I would strongly suggest caring less about what others think and caring more about what makes you happy! I wish you all good things!


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## Rosemarie (Aug 5, 2019)

JFBev said:


> Could it be acceptance, rather than understanding, that you might want?  I for one am rather goofy, attracted to science documentaries and ballroom dancing.  My close family and friends don't understand me a bit (vice versa as well!), but we accept each other anyhow!
> :hair:


Yes, that's more accurate. I like my own company and am quite content being all alone. Many people think there's something wrong with me. They can't accept that I'm not gregarious like them.


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## Nozzle36 (Aug 7, 2019)

Understand? What exactly do YOU mean by that? No one really knows what goes on in someone else's head. Do you understand other people? You can make predictions based on previous behavior, but that's not really "understanding". You may be expecting way too much from others - way beyond human capacity.
 As for myself, I lived a very dysfunctional childhood - which resulted in a high degree of neediness for me. As I've aged and (hopefully) matured I have come to realize that no one will ever "understand" me. I am responsible for letting others know of my needs (but that doesn't mean they have to take any responsibility for fulfilling them) rather than expecting them to "guess" them.
It's quite liberating. Not having expectations of having my mind read frees me to full fill my own needs rather that waiting for someone to guess them and hope 1) they are correct and 2) they are willing to accommodate me.


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## RadishRose (Aug 7, 2019)

JFBev said:


> I for one am rather goofy, attracted to science documentaries and ballroom dancing.


Why would anyone think you're goofy? We all have our own interests.


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## RadishRose (Aug 7, 2019)

I don't know and it doesn't matter, honestly. I have good friends and enjoy polite converation. I love humor and feel no need to have anyone look into my soul.


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## JFBev (Aug 10, 2019)

RadishRose said:


> Why would anyone think you're goofy? We all have our own interests.


Actually, I consider it a compliment!


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## Ruthanne (Aug 15, 2019)

No and I've gotten to the point where I don't care any longer.  It's hard to understand someone if you haven't walked in their shoes.


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## Shalimar (Aug 15, 2019)

I don’t really worry about it. As long as it is possible to engage with others who appreciate in-depth conversations, I am content. Like many therapists, I am a depth junkie. Light convos are fun, but a steady diet of them makes my brain itch.lol


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## toffee (Aug 15, 2019)

well my husband doesn't for sure !


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## Victor (Aug 15, 2019)

I am convniced no one understands me, nor do they want to. But they think that they do.
Mostly they offer light conversation, trivia, that is okay for a while, then I feel my brain going numb.
But I can't just talk about myself because people will get bored and change the subject.


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## Lochkelly (Aug 22, 2019)

Victor said:


> All my life I have felt misunderstood, especially by my family.
> Even friends. I am very open and confessional to close
> friends. Maybe this depends on how much you express your
> feelings, self doubts, thought. Introverts are less likely
> ...


Good Lord, no.  I don't think anyone truly understands me!


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## hypochondriac (Aug 22, 2019)

Not today anyway.


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## Pecos (Aug 22, 2019)

I think that my wife and I have a reasonably good understanding of each other, ….. on most days.

For the rest of the world, …. well I don't really care.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Aug 22, 2019)

No. And what's more, they don't give a rat's rear. They have their own lives to live, as do I.


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## Jandante (Aug 22, 2019)

I have no interest in what other people think of me. 
I've never worried about what others do, reminds me of peer pressure, people doing things they are uncomfortable with, e.g.  overspending or "Keeping up with the Jones" worrying about the impression they make.
Make friends within your interest groups where you will be appreciated, be happy and contented with who you are and what you do.


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## bearcat (Mar 18, 2020)

I have no routines or personal history. One day I found out that they were no longer necessary for me and, like drinking, I dropped them. One must have the desire to drop them and then one must proceed harmoniously to chop them off, little by little. If you have no personal history, no explanations are needed; nobody is angry or disillusioned with your acts. And above all no one pins you down with their thoughts. It is best to erase all personal history because that makes us free from the encumbering thoughts of other people. I have, little by little, created a fog around me and my life. And now nobody knows for sure who I am or what I do. Not even I. How can I know who I am, when I am all this?


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## Gaer (Mar 19, 2020)

Victor, It took courage to open your raw soul to us.  A lessor man would not be able to do that!


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## MarciKS (Mar 20, 2020)

Victor I get where you're coming from and I understand. I feel the same way. It has nothing to do with feeling entitled to any attention. People just don't get you or the choices you make or the way you think. Kinda makes a person feel like they don't belong. Anywhere.


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## katlupe (Mar 21, 2020)

I don't really know if anyone understands me or not. If they don't it doesn't really matter. I understand myself since I write in a journal almost daily and that gives you a true understanding of yourself and your life.


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## OneEyedDiva (Mar 21, 2020)

I guess I'm blessed because I think all of the most important people in my life understand me. My husband couldn't quite grasp some of my ways but he dealt with them. He's gone now. I spent too much time in my earlier and even mid years caring what people thought. I'm beyond that now.


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## Pinky (Mar 21, 2020)

I don't generally reveal many personal details of my life .. so, don't worry if people understand me or not. I've always been independent and done my own thing. I also try no to judge other's choices in life. Too many variables to consider.


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## Marlene (Mar 21, 2020)

No.  Since different people bring out different parts of our personalities, the best we can hope for is that they can mildly appreciate those parts of our "self" that they trigger.  What I'm more concerned with and find more troublesome is how few people can accept that we are all different and are unlikely to agree lockstep with every thing they prefer or believe.


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## Lakeland living (Mar 22, 2020)

No. 
No one's business but mine. 
I return the favor.


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## hellomimi (Apr 25, 2020)

I haven't peeled all the layers of myself to fully understand me. Therefore, I dont expect others to understand me. I am a work in progress, doing daily conversations with myself. It may take a while to get to know "I" and "me", I know I'll get there one day. The ultimate goal is to love myself.


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## Gaer (Apr 25, 2020)

Understand me?  OH HELL NO!!!!


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## Autumn72 (Apr 25, 2020)

Aunt Bea said:


> Nope!


Her story was so sad yet not the only one who goes through the çrap. If someone is lonely for connecting to another isn't that what dating is for? Hello World are you put there hiding. Age is a number and if someone is really wanting to be know and are not married a word dating is a verb....do it and sooner or later someone's will learn to know you. You have to risk the time to gain what you want .
Now hey out there and make yourself happier.
I want to read about all the dates and connections made a better way to live and not fall apart
 St least one will come close to understanding what you need
No more excuses.


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## Lewkat (Apr 28, 2020)

I never really thought about this subject.  I am who I am, that's it.  Some people have been inordinately rude without even knowing me or what I may have been intending and not bothering to even find out.  Their loss, and so it goes.  Life continues and I go my merry way not concerning myself with the mundane.


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## Ferocious (Apr 28, 2020)

Nice to see you again, Lew....


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## Lewkat (Apr 28, 2020)

Ferocious said:


> Nice to see you again, Lew....


You know, it is my pleasure, my friend.


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## EllisT (May 14, 2020)

Listening is a lost art - our grandparents had it.


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## Keesha (May 14, 2020)

EllisT said:


> Listening is a lost art - our grandparents had it.


I respectfully disagree.


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## LindaB (May 17, 2020)

Victor said:


> All my life I have felt misunderstood, especially by my family.
> Even friends. I am very open and confessional to close
> friends. Maybe this depends on how much you express your
> feelings, self doubts, thought. Introverts are less likely
> ...


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## peppermint (May 17, 2020)

Keesha said:


> I respectfully disagree.


That's OK, keesha….You can disagree....We all have our thing....I can be friendly but sometimes I'm not....Do I care, NO!!!!!
Especially now that I'm a Senior....I just want to be with my family....Maybe I have a couple friends from very long time ago...
We don't gather together anymore....But we do send Christmas Cards and sometimes just a little phone call....
I still have my husband ,Thank God, still have my son and his family and my daughter has her family...Both are married...
They are my Life....I also have my brother...and his wife and his family ….  I don't bother with neighbor's, except to say hello...
And I lived there for 45 years....One neighbor does watch the house if we are away....I appreciate her dearly.....
Oh, and I can be fresh when I want to....


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## LindaB (May 18, 2020)

Victor said:


> All my life I have felt misunderstood, especially by my family.
> Even friends. I am very open and confessional to close
> friends. Maybe this depends on how much you express your
> feelings, self doubts, thought. Introverts are less likely
> ...


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## LindaB (May 18, 2020)

Not everyone TRIES to understand the feelings and self doubts of others. I find that in our society today it seems to be all about "me." 
My brother is a perfect example. If he asks how I'm doing he really doesn't want to know. I can say, (just a random example) "Well, my back is hurting a little." Next thing out of his mouth will be, "you think you got back pain? Let me tell you...blah blah blah"
At which point he will tell me about all the wonderful things he is doing in his life and we're off to the races, lol.
Sometimes I think you just have to ask for what you need. Be clear about your feelings but talk to people close to you who CARE.


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