# Finding acceptable compromises with others during this pandemic



## Ronni (May 30, 2020)

My daughter Paige has begun receiving emails and notifications that various of her kids' activities are starting up again, and she's anxious and confused trying to figure out what's safe and what's not.  

She's not alone.  I'm seeing people posting on fb, my friends and family, they're are all struggling to find their footing.  Even with my immediate family of my adult kids, there are different opinions about getting together.  Some want to re-institute the family get togethers we used to have frequently, with the appropriate social distancing and other safety measures, and some aren't yet comfortable with that.  

The thing is there's no right or wrong to either side of that and I'm grateful that at least within my own family unit there is respect for everyone else's comfort level and decisions, even when that opinion isn't shared.  

I feel for Paige.  Her kids had very active social and after-school lives before the pandemic.  Dance class, music class, ballet, gym, parkour, martial arts, not to mention many playdates and birthday parties and get togethers.  And all that's starting to open back up again, and she's anxious about what is OK and what's not.  We've talked about it at length.

My opinion is based solidly on the what I know of the science of viruses, this one in particular but also viruses in general, with fulll understanding that as the corona virus is studied more, the information is likely to change.  There has to be some degree of fluidity because the knowledge of this virus is ongoing.  

The safety measures that are being implemented are well meaning, but in some cases just fall short of the actual science.  A good example is the kids' gymnastics place.  They sent out a long, informative email about the procedures they had implemented and the safety measures they were enforcing, one of which was a complete sanitization of the gym and all the equipment the kids use during their gym class every night after they closed and detailed the Health Department approved products they were using to accomplish this.  

Sounds good right?  The problem with that is that if an infected child uses the equipment and leaves virus particles on a handle bar or surface, by the time the disinfecting process occurs that night, the virus will have degraded to the point where it's likely not even a problem.  Regardless, how many other children are going to touch that same surface during the course of the lesson?  How many times will that infected child touch a surface that other children will then touch, increasing the viral load in their little bodies to the point where their immune system becomes overwhelmed enough that the virus finally takes hold?  

Of course, if there are no infected children in the gym ( and of course, ignoring right now the teaching adults or other staff) then there is no problem.  Enter TRUST, that the other parents are being responsible with their own virus protocols, that they're being open and honest about where they've been and what they've been exposed to.  

It's a frigging minefield!!! 

At the end of the day, while it's good to stay open and receptive to the safety protocols of others and absolutely to take that into account,  I told Paige that what's most important is her own level of comfort and what she can personally control in terms of exposure and risk, and that's it's completely OK that it's different from someone else's.  And that she will be most comfortable with like-minded people who are, like herself, completely forthcoming about their protocols, respectful of hers, and will readily work to reach a compromise that is acceptable to both parties.


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## StarSong (May 30, 2020)

We must all find our way through.


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## IrisSenior (May 30, 2020)

Schools in Quebec have more positive cases after they reopened. I rest my case.


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## PopsnTuff (May 30, 2020)

My son mentioned today that he and my grandkids should come to visit.....gotta admit I felt very apprehensive, always remembering that anyone can be asymptomatic and a carrier, including me so how am I gonna feel comfortable with them here, hmmmm....only I can make that decision unless they show up unexpected


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## Sassycakes (May 30, 2020)

*With everything that's going on today, I really don't think we've reached the point where it is safe to be around other people. My Grandson turned 24yrs old 2 weeks ago and we just drove past where he lives, had masks on and stayed in the car. I missed getting a kiss but I'll wait. The other day was my husband and my Wedding anniversary, and my daughter had us over for dinner. We sat outside her house ,not close to one another and just threw kisses. I would never want to take a chance of infecting my loved ones.*


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## RadishRose (May 30, 2020)

PopsnTuff said:


> My son mentioned today that he and my grandkids should come to visit.....gotta admit I felt very apprehensive, always remembering that anyone can be asymptomatic and a carrier, including me so how am I gonna feel comfortable with them here, hmmmm....only I can make that decision unless they show up unexpected


Please tell your son NOT to show up unexpected.

Then, you must make up your mind as you see fit.


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## PopsnTuff (May 30, 2020)

RadishRose said:


> Please tell your son NOT to show up unexpected.
> 
> Then, you must make up your mind as you see fit.


I better do that asap Rose!


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## jujube (May 30, 2020)

Well, we've agreed to not kill each other.  Of course, he's the one with the guns.  All I have that's even remotely lethal is a rather wicked meat-tenderizing mallet and a hair dryer that gets too hot.  Oh, and I do have a can of hairspray and a box of matches that I can, in theory at least, turn into a blowtorch.


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## Em in Ohio (May 31, 2020)

Ronni said:


> My daughter Paige has begun receiving emails and notifications that various of her kids' activities are starting up again, and she's anxious and confused trying to figure out what's safe and what's not.
> 
> She's not alone.  I'm seeing people posting on fb, my friends and family, they're are all struggling to find their footing.  Even with my immediate family of my adult kids, there are different opinions about getting together.  Some want to re-institute the family get togethers we used to have frequently, with the appropriate social distancing and other safety measures, and some aren't yet comfortable with that.
> 
> ...


Excellent post, as usual.  I've been watching as summer camps display plans for 'safe' reopenings.  Really, can summer camps be safe _*and *_*fun* with this threat?  My grandson has gone to a camp in PA for the past two years - and I personally don't want him there this year.


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## StarSong (May 31, 2020)

jujube said:


> Well, we've agreed to not kill each other.  Of course, he's the one with the guns.  All I have that's even remotely lethal is a rather wicked meat-tenderizing mallet and a hair dryer that gets too hot.  Oh, and I do have a can of hairspray and a box of matches that I can, in theory at least, turn into a blowtorch.


Glad you've found something interesting to ponder these days.  You're making plans while so many are merely marking time, watching TV & reading trashy novels.  
As always, you're an inspiration @jujube.


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## LindaB (May 31, 2020)

Here in North Carolina we have yet to reach the peak (so says Dr. Mandy Cohen, head of DHHS). Our governor is implementing all the right strategies, imho, opening things in phases here. However, since entering Phase 2 with the limited reopening of restaurants, salons, spa and allowing gatherings of up to 25 people, we have seen a surge of cases on a daily basis. For 5 days the cases have spiked higher than ever. 
One of the problems, I think, seems to be that people who are totally asymptomatic are inadvertently passing this virus to those who have weakened immune systems or underlying health conditions.  I am choosing to remain with social distancing, limited shopping with a mask.
I shudder to think of the possible consequences of the RNC in Charlotte.
We all just need to be smart.


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## Liberty (May 31, 2020)

Think the Gov here in Texas has it right about the reopening.  Of course its in phases, but the recommendations say for those 65 or over to "shelter in place" as usual.  That's what we're doing.  Son, girlfriend and girlfriends mother wanted to drive down from Ohio, but we said no.
My hub is a fire commissioner so he does go to the meetings, wears a mask and keep distant.  

Wrote son today about us doing regular Face Time, Skype, etc.  Why not do that in the meantime as its a great way to be "almost together" and catch up on what's happening.  

They were very sick in Feb and might have had it.  So much we don't know about this nasty bug - like can people that have had it actually be "asymptomatics".  The main issues for me in the next few months  is to go to the eye doc for annual exam and get my teeth cleaned.  Otherwise, its business as usual here - lots of projects to do on the property so not much of a problem.


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## Sunny (Jun 1, 2020)

I just made an appointment for later in the month with my dermatologist.  They asked that I wear a mask (which I would, of course, anyway), and said that my temperature would be taken. But that's it.  Sounds like things are "nearly" returning to normal.


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## PopsnTuff (Jun 6, 2020)

Cases are spiking here again in Virginia with the Phase 1 and now Phase 2 in place.....more testing is available so thats adding to the increase.


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## Myquest55 (Jun 6, 2020)

My neighbor has 3 active, sports minded children and she asked me what I thought about letting them out to play soon.  I didn't have a good answer except that baseball is outside and they should make a point about using their own equipment and trying to stay from other players.  Told her she should do what she feels is right for her own family.  Here, in Maine, things have been very slow to open (the pres. mentioned that in his speech here on Fri)  but most of us support the Governor's careful plan.  As mom of three grown sons, I know we cannot protect them from everything BUT this virus still has a lot of unknown variables.  I know of 4 people who have had it - no one who has died and no one here in our town.  Doesn't make it not deadly or fake but it is getting harder to stay home.  You have to pick your battles and somethings may have to wait until next summer!


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## IrisSenior (Jun 7, 2020)

We have some places open like curbside pickup of items or food. Social distancing is still maintained so some sports are still out. You can go for walks in the park and golf and marina is open but until I can hug my daughter and grandkids I will not visit stores or participate in any gatherings that involve a group. Everyone needs to make their own decisions and we are a cautious people.


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## Keesha (Jun 7, 2020)

IrisSenior said:


> Schools in Quebec have more positive cases after they reopened. I rest my case.


So does Ontario but we didn’t open our schools back up. We are still following pandemic protocol.


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