# Bad sign that girlfriend has Dementia.



## Robert59 (Feb 20, 2022)

She was having problem taking a bath.


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## Lara (Feb 20, 2022)

That's okay. Lots of people have problems taking a bath. So they take showers.


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## Jeni (Feb 20, 2022)

I am beginning to think  that we can see signs of things if we look real hard........... and miss things if we do not look close enough. 

Everyone slips into forgetfulness and even dementia in different speeds and ways.... 
 I too watch perhaps to closely to a person in my life..... I could probably make a case that they lost some steps but others do not see it...


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## Purwell (Feb 20, 2022)

I need help to get in and out of a bath.


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## Marie5656 (Feb 20, 2022)

*I think that is something we all ponder about ourselves or older loved ones.  
For myself, I find myself forgetting things more. Or not having as much interest in things I once enjoyed, like reading.  Of course, I am not sure if losing interest in things is a sign of dementia as much as our ever changing lives in general.*


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## Jace (Feb 20, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> She was having problem taking a bath.


@Robert59 
Hi! How good of you to be concerned, and if you can...get her to be tested.
..then you will know
what the real situation is.. being advised by a professional  on how to proceed
Best to you both.


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## Alligatorob (Feb 20, 2022)

Jace said:


> @Robert59
> Hi! How good of you to be concerned, and if you can...get her to be tested.
> ..then you will know
> what the real situation is.. being advised by a professional  on how to proceed
> Best to you both.


@Robert59 I second what @Jace said!

Hope you are wrong, but it is always best to know.


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## Jules (Feb 20, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> She was having problem taking a bath.


You mentioned that she has several health issues.  It may be too many or too few meds.  Perhaps watch that she’s taking the correct things.


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## Tish (Feb 21, 2022)

I also echo Jace.


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## katlupe (Feb 21, 2022)

One thing I caught with someone who I thought was showing signs of it was that she knows what she wants to say but cannot think of the name of who or what she is talking about. At first it was a very slight thing, like when anyone forgets a name of something. Then it became worse, like not knowing the word for the elevator and will say "you know, the thing." She is now on medication for it but it is still very apparent. Her doctor called it "onset dementia" and this is all that is wrong with her. Otherwise she appeared to be in good health for her age of 75.

I certainly hope your girlfriend does not have it. Maybe just having trouble with the physical part of the bath.


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## Robert59 (Feb 21, 2022)

What makes me mad is her doctor treats her like nothing has happen. I have no rights since i'm not married to her.


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## Alligatorob (Feb 21, 2022)

There are online and DIY Alzheimer's tests (https://www.webmd.com/alzheimers/features/diy-test-alzheimers).  

Probably not as good as one administered by a professional, but maybe worth trying.  If she does well you can both relax.  If she doesn't take the results to her doctor, then he might be more likely to listen.


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## Pepper (Feb 21, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> What makes me mad is her doctor treats her like nothing has happen. I have no rights since i'm not married to her. I bet they would take notice if I said I would kill both of of us.


They'd notice you all the way to the police station.  You can't say that.


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## Robert59 (Feb 21, 2022)

Pepper said:


> They'd notice you all the way to the police station.  You can't say that.


Girlfriend has in the past say to her doctor that she killing herself and doctor puts her in a mental hospital for five days and then she's out again worse then ever. The other day her own children and sister told me they don't want her because of the bi-polar seams.


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## jujube (Feb 21, 2022)

Purwell said:


> I need help to get in and out of a bath.


Me, too.  I love a bath but it's too much like getting Shamu out of a small holding tank.  

Really, if it wasn't so embarrassing, I'd do a video for YouTube and sell advertising.  It would be a hit, for sure.  "There she goes....she has one leg out, she's gonna make it....ooooh, that was so close, she almost had it.  Now, it looks like she's going to try the Double 180 Spiral Leg-over with the Fosbury Flop.  AND SHE'S DONE IT!!!!  Good show, JuJu!"


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## Pepper (Feb 21, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> Girlfriend has in the past say to her doctor that she killing herself and doctor puts her in a mental hospital for five days and then she's out again worse then ever.


Threatening to kill oneself is different from threatening to murder.


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## Kaila (Feb 21, 2022)

It's a terribly frustrating situation, that you are in, Robert.

It is her own legal family members that need to do something, at some point.

Don't do anything that makes *your* situation *worse*.

Sometimes someone does change enough so that we do know,
when they are not able to be thinking how they would have sometime in the past.... when they are worse than physically unable, and with more noticeably extreme confusion with a usual activity like a bath...
and when they themself, don't even realize they are confused at all.
About things they have always known.

And if they are not any more capable, after they have rested and slept.


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## Robert59 (Feb 21, 2022)

Pepper said:


> Threatening to kill oneself is different from threatening to murder.


Reason I said this I'm going blind and who will care for her? I tried to get her in a nursing home none will take her because she to healty they said and has bi-polar. Her children and sister should care be force but the law willn't make that happen. I might have to sue her sister to make her care for here sister. Her sister has good health and is retired. I've taken care of my girlfriend for almost seven years now because her family don't want to do it.


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## Pepper (Feb 21, 2022)

Just listen to the wise advice from the smart folks here.  Glad you come to seek help.  I wish you the best, you have been so loyal to her when her own family fails her.


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## Robert59 (Feb 21, 2022)

Her husband would have freaked if he new that his children wasn't there for their mother. Her husband died in 2013 from cancer after 45 years of marriage. Her only son told me he has mental problems of his own and can't deal with her's.


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## mellowyellow (Feb 21, 2022)

So sorry Robert, I hope you find someone to help solve your impossible situation.


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## Robert59 (Feb 21, 2022)

I would never kill me or anyone because I believe in God and don't want to go to Hell.


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## Kika (Feb 21, 2022)

@Robert59 -  Has your girlfriend seen her doctor recently?  You mentioned that she has bipolar disease.  Sometimes changes in behavior could be a reaction to a medication. Or medication doses are missed or taken too frequently.   Can she see her doctor with you so you can explain what you have experienced?  If you feel her doctor is not responsive to any concerns, maybe it is time for a second opinion. 
I really feel bad for all you are going through.  This is not easy at all.  Has she appointed a Health Care Proxy?  That would take effect if she could no longer make her own decisions for her health care.


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## OneEyedDiva (Feb 21, 2022)

When you say she's having trouble taking a bath, do you mean she can't remember what she's supposed to do or how she's supposed to do it? Have you noticed any other signs like her repeating something she said over and over, maybe during a relatively short period of time (same day)? Is she having trouble forming sentences or articulating her thoughts?  

My sister has dementia. Her children finally faced and addressed the situation but I think if it was done sooner, she would be in a better condition. She's not so bad that she needs a nursing home, but we all have been able to see the deterioration in her memory and demeanor (sometimes) over the last couple of years.

I hope that somehow you can get your GF the help she needs, if she is in fact going into dementia. Someone mentioned that she's on a lot of meds...definitely also an angle to check out. It seems like she'd have to be on board with persuing answers if you can't find anyone in her family to do so.


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## Robert59 (Feb 21, 2022)

Right now she is laying in her bed curse bad words for no reason.  I ask her whats wrong and she don't 
know why.


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## Robert59 (Feb 21, 2022)

Kika said:


> @Robert59 -  Has your girlfriend seen her doctor recently?  You mentioned that she has bipolar disease.  Sometimes changes in behavior could be a reaction to a medication. Or medication doses are missed or taken too frequently.   Can she see her doctor with you so you can explain what you have experienced?  If you feel her doctor is not responsive to any concerns, maybe it is time for a second opinion.
> I really feel bad for all you are going through.  This is not easy at all.  Has she appointed a Health Care Proxy?  That would take effect if she could no longer make her own decisions for her health care.


Just came out of a mental hospital 3 days ago worse then she went in 14 days. They took all her working medicine's away.


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## OneEyedDiva (Feb 21, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> Right now she is laying in her bed curse bad words for no reason.  I ask her whats wrong and she don't
> know why.


Cursing for no read and not knowing why may be a symptom of dementia. There was a woman in a nursing home where my mother was who sat at the table and just spewed curse words. Read through this article and see if she's having any of the symptoms they mention. They do distinguish between cognitive decline due to normal aging versus dementia.
https://www.dementia.org/symptoms


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## Robert59 (Feb 26, 2022)

Her mental doctor called me and said her doctor wants to put her in a nursing home now because of her dementia but seams to having problem finding one because she only make's like 1200.00 a month from Social Security. She lives with me now for free rent and only pays half electric and water, sewer, property taxes, house insurance.


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## DaveA (Feb 26, 2022)

katlupe said:


> One thing I caught with someone who I thought was showing signs of it was that she knows what she wants to say but cannot think of the name of who or what she is talking about. At first it was a very slight thing, like when anyone forgets a name of something. Then it became worse, like not knowing the word for the elevator and will say "you know, the thing." She is now on medication for it but it is still very apparent. Her doctor called it "onset dementia" and this is all that is wrong with her. Otherwise she appeared to be in good health for her age of 75.
> 
> I certainly hope your girlfriend does not have it. Maybe just having trouble with the physical part of the bath.


I'm glad that you referred to this person as "she".  If not I might think you'd been talking to me.


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## katlupe (Feb 26, 2022)

DaveA said:


> I'm glad that you referred to this person as "she".  If not I might think you'd been talking to me.


I don't think you would have this as my friend could never write a post here now. It is more than just an occasional lapse. I think we all do that regardless of our age.


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## Robert59 (Feb 26, 2022)

This is the day I didn't want to see come. She been with me for almost seven years and now she's leaving.


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 26, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> Her mental doctor called me and said her doctor wants to put her in a nursing home now because of her dementia but seams to having problem finding one because she only make's like 1200.00 a month from Social Security. She lives with me now for free rent and only pays half electric and water, sewer, property taxes, house insurance.


I'm sorry to hear that Robert, thinking of you and wishing the best for you both.  Please let us know how things are going with her.


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## Ladybj (Feb 26, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> She was having problem taking a bath.


Is that a sign of dementia or was she in pain???  Disregard... I see the rest of your post.  I pray all goes well with you guys.  I know it can't be easy for a love one going through that.  Sending you both Positive Energy and Love..


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## Ladybj (Feb 26, 2022)

Jules said:


> You mentioned that she has several health issues.  It may be too many or too few meds.  Perhaps watch that she’s taking the correct things.


I was thinking the same thing.  Too many medications?  My prayers are with them both.


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## palides2021 (Feb 26, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> This is the day I didn't want to see come. She been with me for almost seven years and now she's leaving.


Robert, have you thought of getting a power of attorney for her health care? You know, like being a caregiver and making decisions for her? I think it would be good for you to be able to speak for her when she can't speak for herself. Especially if the family is not helping her. Just a thought.


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## RadishRose (Feb 26, 2022)

Robert, can she get out of the bathtub?


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## RadishRose (Feb 26, 2022)

Robert, it sounds like things may be getting a bit dangerous for her. I am sorry if I;m over reacting. My thought is for some kind of intervention. 

As others suggest, meds might need to be changed and certainly a second opinion. This woman needs professional help and you need some support!!


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## Robert59 (Feb 26, 2022)

Her  psychiatrist contacted me just a few days ago to put her in a nursing home of some kind next week. She now scream and she says burning up with heat. Her room only 69 degree's.


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## RadishRose (Feb 26, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> Her  psychiatrist contacted me just a few days ago to put her in a nursing home of some kind next week. She now scream and she says burning up with heat. Her room only 69 degree's.


Hopefully, she'll do well with the nursing care.

You need some respite yourself.


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## Wren (Feb 26, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> What makes me mad is her doctor treats her like nothing has happen. I have no rights since i'm not married to her.


Can you encourage her to see another doctor for a second opinion ?


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## Robert59 (Feb 26, 2022)

This will be hard to live alone again after seven years living with her. Might find another mate. Have no family that is alive here and my friend's have moved away.


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## Robert59 (Feb 27, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> This will be hard to live alone again after seven years living with her. Might find another mate. Have no family that is alive here and my friend's have moved away.


She told me she signed herself in to the nursing home for what does mean?


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## Alligatorob (Feb 27, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> She told me she signed herself in to the nursing home for what does mean?


I think it probably means she believes she belongs there.

Sorry for your troubles, it must be hard to know what's best.


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## Robert59 (Mar 2, 2022)

She will be taking care of by Tenncare run by the state of Tennessee.


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## Devi (Mar 2, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> Her  psychiatrist contacted me just a few days ago to put her in a nursing home of some kind next week. She now scream and she says burning up with heat. Her room only 69 degree's.


I would suggest getting her checked out by a doctor — there may be something physical going on. Or maybe it's meds. In any case, it would be good to find out.


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## JonSR77 (Mar 2, 2022)

I would really take all this into counseling.  If she won't get into counseling, just do it for yourself.  You can then brainstorm with the therapist about the best way to help her.


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## JonSR77 (Mar 2, 2022)

re getting in and out of a bath.  Getting in and out of a bath is a great deal of muscular work.  It is easily as hard as doing push-ups.

Many of us can't manage that anymore.

There are walk-in showers and walk-in tubs, that are constructed for people with difficulties. Much, much better.


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## katlupe (Mar 2, 2022)

I am sorry to see this Robert. It sounds like she needs more care than what you can give her. The fact that she signed herself in is that she knows she needs to do this. Just be supportive of her and then try to take care of yourself now. I hope she gets the help she needs.


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## Robert59 (Mar 2, 2022)

Will a nursing home take her screaming all night long and real loud?


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## OopsieDaisy (Mar 2, 2022)

Robert,   with all the love in my heart, I need you to know how simple and ample hospice care is. They will take care of your beloved in an exexemplorry and loving way.  Your hospice is set up for this particular situation.  You can still give your care and love to her daily. They are there to help you in this journey.


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## Robert59 (Mar 13, 2022)

Two days ago I and my girlfreind have been told that she be moving to a assisted living. Her doctor's are placing her in this. They had her walk around his doctor's office and she did excellent by her able to run down the hallway. She always been a good walker. She has a good body but a bad mind. She fell on ice this morning on the sidewalk and just got back up without getting hurt. I will hate see her leave. Her sister has told me in the past she has a hard time staying in one place and always wanting to leave.  I might end up in one of these places myself some day. I wonder if my doctor could place place me in a nursing home without any warning?


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## katlupe (Mar 13, 2022)

I did some research on this and mostly what I read is that you can't be forced into a nursing home as long as you are of sound mind and able to care for yourself or get the home care you need to stay at home. Yet I saw a few conflicting articles about that. If you have family, they can place you in a nursing home against your will by getting a court order. I saw that first hand when I worked in nursing homes. Maybe this would be a question to ask an attorney in your state.


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## Robert59 (Mar 14, 2022)

katlupe said:


> I did some research on this and mostly what I read is that you can't be forced into a nursing home as long as you are of sound mind and able to care for yourself or get the home care you need to stay at home. Yet I saw a few conflicting articles about that. If you have family, they can place you in a nursing home against your will by getting a court order. I saw that first hand when I worked in nursing homes. Maybe this would be a question to ask an attorney in your state.


She has power of attorney for herself. Her mind is getting worse it seams every month. She does drive her car when I tell her which way to go.


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## Lee (Mar 14, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> She does drive her car when I tell her which way to go.


Robert, from what you have described she should no way be behind the wheel of a car. OMG a car can be a lethal weapon.


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## Jace (Mar 14, 2022)

@Robert59 to get some answers.... Alzheimer's association 1-800-272-3900


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## mrstime (Mar 14, 2022)

katlupe said:


> One thing I caught with someone who I thought was showing signs of it was that she knows what she wants to say but cannot think of the name of who or what she is talking about. At first it was a very slight thing, like when anyone forgets a name of something. Then it became worse, like not knowing the word for the elevator and will say "you know, the thing." She is now on medication for it but it is still very apparent. Her doctor called it "onset dementia" and this is all that is wrong with her. Otherwise she appeared to be in good health for her age of 75.
> 
> I certainly hope your girlfriend does not have it. Maybe just having trouble with the physical part of the bath.


Yikes, I forget words all the time, sooner or later I remember it. But it is really frustrating.


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## debodun (Mar 14, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> What makes me mad is her doctor treats her like nothing has happen.


I get that from doctors, too, When I go to my PCP with an issue, she just says "You have to expect that - you're getting older." I've given up on health care 'professionals'. All they do is give you the bum's rush, then bill the health insurance company $250 for an office call.


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## mrstime (Mar 14, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> What makes me mad is her doctor treats her like nothing has happen. I have no rights since i'm not married to her.


A dear friend just lost her partner of 22 years, they were not married. She is having problems getting things done because she has to prove they were cohabiting and considered common law. He went so fast that she is still reeling, and then she has to show proof they lived as if married. Fortunately she has quite a bit of proof.


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## OneEyedDiva (Mar 14, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> Her mental doctor called me and said her doctor wants to put her in a nursing home now because of her dementia but seams to having problem finding one because she only make's like 1200.00 a month from Social Security. She lives with me now for free rent and only pays half electric and water, sewer, property taxes, house insurance.


Well is she only gets $1,200 a month and has no other assets, why can't she qualify for Medicaid? When my mother went into the nursing home (thank God it was a good one), she was able to pay cash for a few months then the account manager schooled me as to what to do when her money was running out. She was placed on Medicaid and he told me to make sure to keep her balance below the requirement to remain on Medicaid. They kept all but $35 of her Social Security when it was determined she was unlikely to be able to return to her apartment. I spent enough of her money on her personal care items and clothing to keep her asset balance in check. I had to submit the receipts of what I bought to the nursing home. 

I'd advise you to visit some of the nursing homes in the area and ask questions yourself. Speak with social workers and account managers, if you can. You may not be a relative but it seems like you are the most logical person to help her with this.


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## Robert59 (Mar 15, 2022)

Gf is going in a assistant of living place in my city. Does anyone on here know anything about this kind of place? Her doctor's are not saying much about these.


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## Jules (Jun 18, 2022)

@Robert59   Did your girlfriend go into assisted living and how is working out for her?  Sorry if you spoke of this in another thread.


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## Robert59 (Jun 24, 2022)

We found out by her doctor's that her Dementia head scan test has come back as negative. What does this mean?


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## terry123 (Jun 24, 2022)

Jules said:


> @Robert59   Did your girlfriend go into assisted living and how is working out for her?  Sorry if you spoke of this in another thread.


Assisted Living is just an apartment with no other help unless you pay for it.  A dear friend of mine went into assisted living.  He went to the dining room for meals with the others each day.  Any medical care such as helping with meds or cleaning his apartment were extra things he could get but he had to pay for them.  I know because I helped him pay his bills from them each month.


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## OneEyedDiva (Jun 24, 2022)

Robert59 said:


> We found out by her doctor's that her Dementia head scan test has come back as negative. What does this mean?


Don't know...how reliable are those tests supposed to be? Are they unlikely to miss the earlier stages of dementia? Seeking answers to my own questions, I looked it up. Here's an excerpt from the article linked below:
_"EEG is sometimes used to diagnose different types of dementia. This is because the pattern of electrical activity in a brain with dementia is different to a healthy brain. Using this scan to look for brain activity patterns typical of dementia can improve the accuracy of diagnosis compared to using traditional memory and thinking tests. As seizures can be a symptom in some types of dementia, EEGs can also investigate this."
https://www.alzheimersresearchuk.org/blog/all-you-need-to-know-about-brain-scans-and-dementia/_
Here is the search page with other demential information sites but if you could ask her doctor your questions, that might be more helpful.
https://duckduckgo.com/?q=head+scan+test+for+dementia&t=brave&ia=web


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