# Overcome Your Social Fears



## Knightofalbion (Jun 29, 2012)

This is a short and rather understated article, but it has a valuable message...

http://www.psychologies.co.uk/self/overcome-your-social-fears.html


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## SeaBreeze (Jun 29, 2012)

Some good points and advice there.  Many people have some degree of social phobia, and some elderly folks end up staying at home alone and not interacting with others.  Whether it's a visit to a park, a chat with someone, or anything lightly social, it's important for well-being to get together with others, and have at least one friend you can talk to.


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## Trevor (Jun 29, 2012)

And even people that cant move from their homes because of illness always have forums like these to interact with others somehow.


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## Rick (Oct 20, 2012)

It is really a shame that there's not more social activities for active seniors. I'd love to go dancing but I don't want to go at 10PM to a club where the average age is 20. We've had a few clubs here in the Tampa Bay area that featured 50+ nights but they only last a year or less and then they're discontinued. The crowds were pretty good and they have always been on Sundays when younger people stay home so I don't get why they always disappear.


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## teamrose (Oct 24, 2012)

I don't think it is so much phobias as having to do the things alone. When we get older and are used to having a companion, it is just hard to set up a new network of friends. If you have a close knit family that helps. But many of us are all alone and have to figure it out by ourselves.


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## Elzee (Oct 31, 2012)

My husband and I moved to warmer climate and it did take so time to make new friends. And I am staying in contact with my old friends via Facebook and email, so that helps a lot. What has helped me is to do volunteer work. One of my charity projects is crocheting 8 inch squares which other people will sew together to make blankets for children in need. I enjoy getting together with others who are also making these squares and it just keeps my spirits up, knowing that I can do something to help others. 

As teamrose says - it does take some figuring out to find ways to not be lonely and alone - even as a senior.


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## SifuPhil (Oct 31, 2012)

Elzee said:


> ... As teamrose says - it does take some figuring out to find ways to not be lonely and alone - even as a senior.



Of course there's a big difference between being _alone_ and being _lonely_ ...

I am lucky to have the advantage (?) of enjoying solitude. I am alone but I am never lonely. I have the 'Net, I have my interests and I have my thoughts - they all keep me company.


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## R. Paradon (Oct 31, 2012)

SifuPhil said:


> Of course there's a big difference between being _alone_ and being _lonely_ ...
> 
> I am lucky to have the advantage (?) of enjoying solitude. I am alone but I am never lonely. I have the 'Net, I have my interests and I have my thoughts - they all keep me company.



I agree!  While I still go to parties and other social events I also enjoy the freedom of solitude.  As far as social phobia, I really do not have any...if I was not liked by at least one person I would not have been invited to join!  The best way to make unknown people friendly at gatherings, in my opinion, is to listen to someone and ask a pertinent question.  Everybody loves a listener!


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## teamrose (Oct 31, 2012)

SifuPhil said:


> Of course there's a big difference between being _alone_ and being _lonely_ ...
> 
> I am lucky to have the advantage (?) of enjoying solitude. I am alone but I am never lonely. I have the 'Net, I have my interests and I have my thoughts - they all keep me company.


This is so true. People ask me am I lonely and when I examine my life, I'm truly not lonely. Since the advent of the internet I believe I could really serve big time in prison and not be lonely if they allowed me internet access. I spend so much time chatting on the internet, sometimes I wonder how I ever held down a job and a marriage.


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## R. Paradon (Nov 7, 2012)

That is great!  What it is hard for some people ~ young and old~ is to realize that people want us to talk and join in.  Silly being shy!


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## SifuPhil (Nov 7, 2012)

R. Paradon said:


> That is great!  What it is hard for some people ~ young and old~ is to realize that people want us to talk and join in.  Silly being shy!



... except on public transportation.

I don't know why it is, but on the rare occasions I take the bus downtown I always manage to attract the ONE person who has evidently used their day-pass from the sanitarium for the sole purpose of sitting next to me and telling me their woes and their life-story. I don't _ask_ for this honor; I don't sit there with big moist Dondi eyes begging to play bus-seat psychiatrist, but that honor is bestowed upon me nonetheless.

... oh, and except when I'm trying to concentrate on my writing and my roommate insists on gabbing. Again, I'm pretty sure I don't have a "THE DOCTOR IS:IN" sign hanging over the desk, but that doesn't matter; I become the involuntary receptacle for her verbal effluvia. 

... and of course when I'm just walking up to the convenience store to grab a healthy snack of Monster Energy drinks and Cheezie Doodles dipped in confectioner's sugar, and the owners of the store want to discuss the current state of world politics and several economic recovery theories with me. Hey, if I wanted conversation I'd join Knights of Columbus - just gimme' the darned snacks and take my money!

*doing a Rodney Dangerfield imitation*

"_Monks don't get no respect!_"


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## R. Paradon (Nov 8, 2012)

SifuPhil said:


> ... except on public transportation.
> 
> I don't know why it is, but on the rare occasions I take the bus downtown I always manage to attract the ONE person who has evidently used their day-pass from the sanitarium for the sole purpose of sitting next to me and telling me their woes and their life-story. I don't _ask_ for this honor; I don't sit there with big moist Dondi eyes begging to play bus-seat psychiatrist, but that honor is bestowed upon me nonetheless.
> 
> ...



That is too funny, sifu!  Here I love public transportation and I often start a conversation with the Thai passengers to practice!  My Thai and pronunciation is so bad that they just take pity on me and smile and nod!  Sometimes I feel like an animal in a zoo! layful:


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## SifuPhil (Nov 8, 2012)

R. Paradon said:


> That is too funny, sifu!  Here I love public transportation and I often start a conversation with the Thai passengers to practice!  My Thai and pronunciation is so bad that they just take pity on me and smile and nod!  Sometimes I feel like an animal in a zoo! layful:



Wow, and you've been there what - 6 years? Must be a difficult language. I know the few times I've tried to look at websites about the Kingdom I'll spend the major part of my time trying to pronounce some of the names of towns and places.


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## Ginger (Nov 8, 2012)

layful:  I just wanted to get rid of this message as it was just WRONG....so I did it the right way (below) but now I can't even get off this page unless I make a message with at least 10 characters? ....so this is a forced message that I don't want to make  and I don't even know why I'm saying this? I need help knowing how to just delete a message and get out of here?layful:


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## Ginger (Nov 8, 2012)

Rick said:


> It is really a shame that there's not more social activities for active seniors. I'd love to go dancing but I don't want to go at 10PM to a club where the average age is 20. We've had a few clubs here in the Tampa Bay area that featured 50+ nights but they only last a year or less and then they're discontinued. The crowds were pretty good and they have always been on Sundays when younger people stay home so I don't get why they always disappear.



Hi Rick,
Some places have very active Senior Centers  i.e. all kinds of classes and sports and clubs, activities,and dances etc. etc.  Some are a real drag, as I understand....just lotsa BINGO?  May want to check around?


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## SifuPhil (Nov 9, 2012)

Ginger said:


> ...  Some are a real drag, as I understand....just lotsa BINGO? ...



Hey, don't knock bingo! One of the most terrifying nights in my life was spent in a bingo hall after I got between a sweet little old lady and her 48-card spread.

​ 
... the doctors did a good patch-up job on me, but I still limp and experience the occasional facial tic when I hear numbers being called out.


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## Ginger (Nov 9, 2012)

Sifu,

You are toooo funny!        OKEY!   We are in our "legal 2nd childhood".....so we get to do whatever doesn't get us in a "time out"!!!!!  LOL !!


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## R. Paradon (Nov 9, 2012)

SifuPhil said:


> ... the doctors did a good patch-up job on me, but I still limp and experience the occasional facial tic when I hear numbers being called out.



Bingo is cool when you play it in Las Vegas!  But there are some evil tempered people out there especially when you get bored and yell out BINGO knowing that you aren't even close!  When I lived there I knew most of the Bingo people at "Palace Station" and when I would start to walk in the doors, instead of getting a nice reception style welcome, I'd get, "Hello Richard, are you going to behave tonight?"  :sentimental: I love my life!


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## teamrose (Nov 10, 2012)

Oh Phil, you're really making me miss Las Vegas. Outside of Florida, I seriously believe that's the only other place I could live happily. I lived there once, and loved it. The only problem, too many visitors. When I lived in Chicago, I couldn't pay family and friends to visit. When I moved to Vegas and even now in South Florida, the "friend", come in droves. We all know fish and visitors stink after 3 days. :sentimental:


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## R. Paradon (Nov 10, 2012)

teamrose said:


> We all know fish and visitors stink after 3 days. :sentimental:


   Great and noble truth!

I experienced the same when I lived in Vegas.  Everybody would come and actually be surprised that I had a business to run.  The majority of them thought that once you move there all you have to do is gamble and drink and see shows!

Now that I am in Thailand, only a couple of true friends have visited me!  I guess $2000 round trip tickets and about 24 hours of travel turns them off!


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## teamrose (Nov 11, 2012)

R. Paradon said:


> Great and noble truth!
> 
> I experienced the same when I lived in Vegas.  Everybody would come and actually be surprised that I had a business to run.  The majority of them thought that once you move there all you have to do is gamble and drink and see shows!
> 
> Now that I am in Thailand, only a couple of true friends have visited me!  I guess $2000 round trip tickets and about 24 hours of travel turns them off!


We all know this doesn't mean our loved ones don't truly love us. It simply means, they love us more if we live in a convenient, fun place.


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## teamrose (Nov 12, 2012)

Pretty much all pets add years to our lives. They give us something else to care about besides ourselves. Unfortunately, many of our pet species have shorter life spans than humans and we have to experience the sorry of their deaths. Loving your family is of course the best, but they will have lives of their own and cannot devote unlimited time and devotion to you. A pet has nothing else to do in life but love you, and they do it so incredibly well.


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## InsomniacGirl (Nov 23, 2012)

SifuPhil said:


> Of course there's a big difference between being _alone_ and being _lonely_ ... I am lucky to have the advantage (?) of enjoying solitude. I am alone but I am never lonely. I have the 'Net, I have my interests and I have my thoughts - they all keep me company.



I'm like that too, when it comes to enjoying solitude, keeping myself busy with the 'Net, etc. Due to my husband's work and sleep schedule I'm alone alot, so I keep myself busy, (not counting housework, LOL)...then there's my unusual hobby of photographing unique tombstones for genealogical purposes and my own interest in them. I also pick my granddaughter up from school every day which is something I really enjoy. My son and his wife are moving to Florida in a few months so after they move, that will be the end of that, for me. 

I do feel that I have some degree of social phobia though. I won't go out to eat by myself, nor will I go to a movie or a show alone. Maybe it's because I prefer my husband to join me, but since he can't because of his work schedule, then I pass up those activities. But in general, when I'm alone often, I don't feel lonely.


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