# Misheard Things



## SifuPhil (Dec 16, 2015)

I have a little bit of a hearing problem - had it all my life - where certain frequencies just don't register. As a result I often get free laughs when I watch TV or listen to someone speaking.

An example: for the last week or so there's been a commercial running on TV whose sing-song jingle sounds to me like:

"Ace is the place with the helpful hardware balls".






My mind just cannot comprehend such a hardware store.

Have you ever misheard part of a conversation, movie line or TV show?


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## QuickSilver (Dec 16, 2015)

When I was very little... and learning the Star-spangled Banner..  Here's what I thought

Oh say can you see..
 By the donserly light..



I figured a donserly light was just a special kind of light that was for  the flag.. and I just didn't know what it was..


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## Shalimar (Dec 16, 2015)

Lolololol. Cute!


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## Shalimar (Dec 16, 2015)

Just reminded me, as a tiny girl I thought our anthem said "Oh Canada, true north stong in fleas." Who knows, perhaps it is true!


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## Shalimar (Dec 16, 2015)

Oops, actual content is "true north strong and free."


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## SifuPhil (Dec 16, 2015)

"I pledge allegience
To Queen Frag
And her mighty state of hysteria ... "


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## Shalimar (Dec 16, 2015)

Philly, please explain last post? I just doesn't gets it.


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## SifuPhil (Dec 16, 2015)

Shalimar said:


> Philly, please explain last post? I just doesn't gets it.



Dang, sorry.

"Pledge of Allegiance" is what we were taught to recite in elementary school. We would face the American flag (found in every classroom), cross our right hand over our heart and recite the pledge:

I pledge allegiance
To the flag
Of the United States of America
And to the Republic
For which it stands
One nation
Under God
Indivisible
With liberty and justice for all


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## Shalimar (Dec 16, 2015)

Thanks, no wonder I was confused, although I do know what the pledge of allegiance is.


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## Lon (Dec 16, 2015)

As a kid I heard a WW 2 song this way------Maresie Doats & Dosie Doats & Little Lambseedises.   It should be Mares eat Oats and Doe"s eat Oats 7 Little Lambs eat Daisies.


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## SifuPhil (Dec 16, 2015)

Lon said:


> As a kid I heard a WW 2 song this way------Maresie Doats & Dosie Doats & Little Lambseedises.   It should be Mares eat Oats and Doe"s eat Oats 7 Little Lambs eat Daisies.



Wow, Lon ... just wow!!!

I always heard it as:

"Mares eat oats and dosi dotes and little lamb-ski-divey
And kidsel-ee-ivy-too, wooden you?"


LOL - amazing!


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## SifuPhil (Dec 16, 2015)

And of course the classic Jimi Hendrix singing:

'Scuse me, while I kiss this guy"


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## fureverywhere (Dec 16, 2015)

"I pledge allegience
 To Queen Frag
 And her mighty state of hysteria ... " 

I'll be the first to raise my hand...how many of us repeated that for years by rote...if we had to write the actual words not a clue. I have one I have to look up " Bei Mir Bist du Schon", what were they singing there?


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## SifuPhil (Dec 16, 2015)

You've stumped me on that one, Fur!


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## Pappy (Dec 16, 2015)

My hearing sucks too. The Knacks sing My Sharona. I thought they were saying Mac arona. And the song, Blinded by the light, wrapped up a douche.


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## AZ Jim (Dec 16, 2015)

Lon said:


> As a kid I heard a WW 2 song this way------Maresie Doats & Dosie Doats & Little Lambseedises.   It should be Mares eat Oats and Doe"s eat Oats 7 Little Lambs eat Daisies.


I believe it's IVY they eat but I also thought as a child the rest went as you did.


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## SeaBreeze (Dec 16, 2015)

I always thought it was Mares eat oats and goats eat oats and little lambs eat ivy.


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## Happyflowerlady (Dec 16, 2015)

I am intrigued by that one, too, Fur. Can you give us a bit more of a hint.....like where you were singing it (Christmas, school, etc.?), and maybe more of the words. 
I am sure we can figure it out then. 

I remember singing "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer", and happily singing  "you'll go down in his story" . I was pretty disappointed when my mom explained that I was NOT going to be part of Rudolph's story after all.


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## SeaBreeze (Dec 16, 2015)

Pappy said:


> And the song, Blinded by the light, wrapped up a douche.



You're not alone Pappy, those are the words I always used when I sang along.  Just listened to it, it still sounds like douche and not deuce.


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## SifuPhil (Dec 16, 2015)

I just read something about _Blinded by the Light_ somewhere - how the original lyrics writer originally started off with _deuce_, actually _changed_ it to _douche_, then went back to _deuce_ again. 

Maybe it was just an urban legend. I can't remember where I saw it - maybe I just imagined it ...


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## QuickSilver (Dec 16, 2015)

Lon said:


> As a kid I heard a WW 2 song this way------Maresie Doats & Dosie Doats & Little Lambseedises.   It should be Mares eat Oats and Doe"s eat Oats 7 Little Lambs eat Daisies.



NOT Daisies....  IVY.... and a Kid will IVY too... Wouldn't you?


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## AZ Jim (Dec 16, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> NOT Daisies....  IVY.... and a Kid will IVY too... Wouldn't you?


Yep.


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## Falcon (Dec 16, 2015)

Mares  eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy.

Mares= female horses.   Does = female deer.  Lambs = baby sheep.

Kid = baby goat


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## SifuPhil (Dec 16, 2015)

Falcon said:


> Mares  eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy.
> 
> Mares= female horses.   Does = female deer.  Lambs = baby sheep.
> 
> Kid = baby goat



Awww ... you've killed off my childhood dreams!


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## fureverywhere (Dec 16, 2015)

My hearing sucks too. The Knacks sing My Sharona. I thought they were saying Mac arona. And the song, Blinded by the light, wrapped up a douche. 

Oh my, I was a teen with My Sharona, it turned toadly sophomoric with reference to manhood...

But um okay back to The Andrew's Sisters

The song became famous with an English lyric but retaining the Yiddish title, "Bei Mir Bistu Shein". It also appeared with a Germanized title "Bei mir bist du schön". The pronunciation of the _schein/schön_ in the title has occasionally been a source of controversy. The majority of performers, including native German speakers such as Max Raabe, have adopted the Yiddish pronunciation [ʃeːn] ("_sheyn_") rather than the standard German [ʃøːn] (approximately "_shən_", with lips rounded for the _ö_).

Even reading the actual lyrics I'm still confused.


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## Falcon (Dec 16, 2015)

I could never figure out how to punctuate  this little ditty:


    I saw her snatch her satchel from the window.

   I saw her but a moment in the rain.

  I kissed her as she headed for the station

  to see her brother Jack off on the train.


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## SifuPhil (Dec 16, 2015)

Ahhh, that's why I couldn't figure it out - my Yiddish is a bit rusty. 

Another one - speaking of the Andrews Sisters ...

From the transcript in my head - 

"Foodli-acky-sacky - want some seafood, Mama"

I can understand that Mama might want some seafood, but what's that OTHER stuff?!?


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## Shalimar (Dec 16, 2015)

Perhaps she is hungry after playing hacky sack???


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## SifuPhil (Dec 16, 2015)

Shalimar said:


> Perhaps she is hungry after playing hacky sack???



You know ... once again, great minds think alike - that was actually one of my interpretations! 

"Food, please ... hackey sack ... want some seafood, Mama!"


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## Pappy (Dec 16, 2015)

Fat and docile, big and dumb
They look so stupid, they aren't much fun
Cows aren't fun

They eat to grow, grow to die
Die to be eat at the hamburger fry
Cows well done

Nobody thunk it, nobody knew
No one imagined the great cow guru
Cows are one

He hid in the forest, read books with great zeal
He loved Che Guevera, a revolutionary veal
Cow Tse Tongue

He spoke about justice, but nobody stirred
He felt like an outcast, alone in the herd
Cow doldrums

He mooed we must fight, escape or we'll die
Cows gathered around, cause the steaks were so high
Bad cow pun

But then he was captured, stuffed into a crate
Loaded onto a truck, where he rode to his fate
Cows are bummed

He was a scrawny calf, who looked rather woozy
No one suspected he was packing an Uzi
Cows with guns

They came with a needle to stick in his thigh
He kicked for the groin, he pissed in their eye
Cow well hung

Knocked over a tractor and ran for the door
Six gallons of gas flowed out on the floor
Run cows run!

He picked up a bullhorn and jumped up on the hay
We are free roving bovines, we run free today

We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die
Cows with guns

They crashed the gate in a great stampede
Tipped over a milk truck, torched all the feed
Cows have fun

Sixty police cars were piled in a heap
Covered in cow pies, covered up deep
Much cow dung

Black smoke rising, darkening the day
Twelve burning Mcdonalds, have it your way

We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die
Cows with guns

The President said "enough is enough
These uppity cattle, its time to get tough"
Cow dung flung

The newspapers gloated, folks sighed with relief
Tomorrow at noon, they would all be ground beef
Cows on buns

The cows were surrounded, they waited and prayed
They mooed their last moos,
They chewed their last hay
Cows outgunned

The order was given to turn cows to whoppers
Enforced by the might of ten thousand coppers
But on the horizon surrounding the shoppers
Came the deafening roar of chickens in choppers

We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die
Cows with guns


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## Pappy (Dec 16, 2015)

Kinda off topic, but this is called, Cows with guns, from the Dr. Demento radio show.


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## QuickSilver (Dec 16, 2015)

Falcon said:


> Mares  eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy.
> 
> Mares= female horses.   Does = female deer.  Lambs = baby sheep.
> 
> Kid = baby goat



Baby sheep and baby goats EAT IVY.....Their mothers eat Oats!!    for crying out loud people!


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## jujube (Dec 16, 2015)

And then there's the venerable old hymn "Gladly the Cross I'd Bear", which usually gets translated in Sunday School as "Gladdy, the Cross-Eyed Bear".


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## SifuPhil (Dec 16, 2015)

jujube said:


> And then there's the venerable old hymn "Gladly the Cross I'd Bear", which usually gets translated in Sunday School as "Gladdy, the Cross-Eyed Bear".



Never heard that one - coffee spit time!


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## Shalimar (Dec 16, 2015)

Or the old song "My father was a Spanish Captain," transformed into "My father was a Spanish onion."


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## fureverywhere (Dec 16, 2015)

Doctor Demento was a deity unto himself..."The Cockroach that Ate Cincinnati"..." I'm looking over my dead dog Rover..."


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## Lon (Dec 16, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> NOT Daisies....  IVY.... and a Kid will IVY too... Wouldn't you?



Right-Thanks for the correction


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## SeaBreeze (Dec 16, 2015)

When this song first came out, I thought they were saying 'don't fear the reefer'.


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## tnthomas (Dec 16, 2015)

...or Credence Clearwater's lyrics:



> there's a bad moon on the rise



Being misheard as:



> there's a bathroom on the right




...when my step-daughter was in high school she thought the refrain in Larry Gatlin's song "Houston" was saying  "you stud!"

good grief, teenage girls eh?  :shrug:


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## SeaBreeze (Dec 16, 2015)

A young guy that I used to work with used to think they said 'Hey Dude', in the Beatles song 'Hey Jude'.


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## Ruth n Jersey (Dec 16, 2015)

My whole family is plagued with hearing problems. Years ago my Mom was making a sandwich for my Dad. She said to him,"Do you want white or rye?"He heard and replied, "Why should I wipe my eyes?" Now I seem to be doing the same thing. On the up side my husbands snoring isn't as loud as it use to be. There is a bright side to everything.


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## SeaBreeze (Dec 16, 2015)

Ruth n Jersey said:


> Now I seem to be doing the same thing. On the up side my husbands snoring isn't as loud as it use to be. There is a bright side to everything.



Every gray cloud has a silver lining, huh Ruth? :yes:


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## AZ Jim (Dec 16, 2015)

Ruth n Jersey said:


> My whole family is plagued with hearing problems. Years ago my Mom was making a sandwich for my Dad. She said to him,"Do you want white or rye?"He heard and replied, "Why should I wipe my eyes?" Now I seem to be doing the same thing. On the up side my husbands snoring isn't as loud as it use to be. There is a bright side to everything.


  Nice to see you joining in Ruth.


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## Butterfly (Dec 16, 2015)

Lon said:


> As a kid I heard a WW 2 song this way------Maresie Doats & Dosie Doats & Little Lambseedises.   It should be Mares eat Oats and Doe"s eat Oats 7 Little Lambs eat Daisies.



It's little lambs eat ivy, not daisies


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## Butterfly (Dec 16, 2015)

Butterfly said:


> It's little lambs eat ivy, not daisies



OOPS, others pointed this out before me.  Sorry.


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## SifuPhil (Dec 16, 2015)

Ruth n Jersey said:


> My whole family is plagued with hearing problems. Years ago my Mom was making a sandwich for my Dad. She said to him,"Do you want white or rye?"He heard and replied, "Why should I wipe my eyes?" Now I seem to be doing the same thing. On the up side my husbands snoring isn't as loud as it use to be. There is a bright side to everything.



Oh, I get some real lu-lus when my roommate says something to me, and I usually crack myself up with what I hear. I have to start writing them down ...


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## Butterfly (Dec 16, 2015)

My mother used to laugh about my coming home from church singing a song --"On a hill far away, stood the old ragged cloths . . ."


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## fishfulthinking (Dec 18, 2015)

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap by ACDC   
Dirty feet and the thunder chief.... yep even though the song title is clear.

We have a park here called Heritage Park.  Forever my daughter called it Harry's Park


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## SifuPhil (Dec 18, 2015)

For a while I heard ZZ Top's "Legs" as:

She got eggs
She knows how to use 'em
...


I got hungry for an omelet every time I head that song.


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## Shalimar (Dec 18, 2015)

When he was a kid, my son called prostitutes frosted suits, and confused the definition with that of poltergeists. Once, while enjoying a drive in the country, he entertained an aunt of mine by helpfully pointing out an old cemetery, "where the prostitutes live!" Aunt's reply was, "slim pickens!" Still cracks me up.


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## tnthomas (Dec 18, 2015)

...then the priceless:  "catch them in their underwear" sung by 3 year olds in a group my daughter was in, instead of "catch them unawares" as originally penned by Anne Murray in Teddy Bear's picnic song.


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## RadishRose (Dec 20, 2015)

A friends little daughter, when learning a prayer about Mary, would say: "Blessed our cow....." Instead of "Blessed art thou".


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