# Seniors, Stop the Negative Self-Talk or Your Brain (and Body) Will Believe It!



## SeaBreeze (Feb 28, 2015)

I hope some of you here will join me in stopping any negative self-talk, because it's counter-productive and if said often enough, our brains will believe it.  I'm guilty of it myself, but have found myself doing it in a joking way.  However, after the chuckle is over, usually just mine, my mind thinks of my aunt, my mother's sister, who died in a nursing home from Alzheimer's Disease.

If we think about it, we've had some forgetful instances all of our lives, from locking our keys in the car, leaving something we intended to take home in our work locker, going out and intending to mail some letters, and leaving them home by the door.

Back in the day, I would just say that I spaced it out, forgot, or acknowledged that I had other things on my mind or was multi-tasking.  Now, since I was in my 50s, it's joking when I forgot the cat was outside, and I was looking for him in the house, I'd playfully say something like it's 'oldtimer's disease'.  I talked about it today with my husband, and he doesn't care for those type of statements either, as hearing them has a bad effect on him also.

The mind is very strong, and has a big influence on physical health.  When repeating these types of things often, our brains will start to believe it.  There is nothing good about excusing forgetfulness with 'senior moment', 'going crazy' or 'oldtimer's disease'.  Another negative thing I've found myself saying is 'I'm too old for this'.  I'll say that if I have an issue with one of my pets that requires extra attention or work on my part.

Well, I'm not 'too old for this'.  I realize now that saying these things around the house also has a negative effect on my husband.  I decided by myself to curb that behavior and stop using some sayings that I heard from adults when I was young.

Is anyone here saying these types of things?  Do you agree that it has a negative effect on our physical and mental health, and overall well being?   If so, are you willing to join me in stopping this kind of talk today?

If I slip up, I will post it on this thread.  I'm serious about this and feel it's important not to work against ourselves in any way. I acknowledge that part of the reason I even started with that talk, is parroting what I've heard from elders in the past.  What are your thoughts?


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## AprilT (Feb 28, 2015)

I think this is a worthy cause.


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## Josiah (Feb 28, 2015)

Although I'm not nearly as laid back as many members of the forum, I'm really pretty forgiving of my mistakes, knowing as I do that at my age they become less the exception and more the rule. But you're certainly right April that beating up on yourself is not good for your health.


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## oakapple (Mar 1, 2015)

I agree SeaBreeze, I don't understand all the negative thoughts and talk either.Yes, we will have more health issues than when we were younger, but that's only to be expected. We should still try and enjoy life and stop all the hand wringing.


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## SifuPhil (Mar 1, 2015)

But what of balance in all things?

One of the things in life that drives me batty is the people who are usually involved in the newer personal development fields, the people who hold seminars for $1,000 a seat for the privilege of learning to "love yourself".

My study of traditional Chinese medicine taught me that you can become sick from extreme happiness as easily as from extreme sadness. I would think that totally ignoring any self-deprecating thoughts would lead to a life of inflated egoism and false hope.


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## AprilT (Mar 1, 2015)

SifuPhil said:


> But what of balance in all things?
> 
> One of the things in life that drives me batty is the people who are usually involved in the newer personal development fields, the people who hold seminars for $1,000 a seat for the privilege of learning to "love yourself".
> 
> My study of traditional Chinese medicine taught me that you can become sick from extreme happiness as easily as from extreme sadness. I would think that totally ignoring any self-deprecating thoughts would lead to a life of inflated egoism and false hope.



I agree that a good balance is necessary, a healthy dose of realism should go along with that positivity.


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## SeaBreeze (Mar 1, 2015)

SifuPhil said:


> But what of balance in all things?
> 
> One of the things in life that drives me batty is the people who are usually involved in the newer personal development fields, the people who hold seminars for $1,000 a seat for the privilege of learning to "love yourself".
> 
> My study of traditional Chinese medicine taught me that you can become sick from extreme happiness as easily as from extreme sadness. I would think that totally ignoring any self-deprecating thoughts would lead to a life of inflated egoism and false hope.



I believe in balance too.  I don't have any respect for those who charge $1,000 a seat to tell people how to love themselves, that's for sure!  Honestly, I've never heard of anyone becoming sick from extreme happiness, but have heard of people becoming physically sick due to sadness and depression.

This isn't about egotism or false hope, IMO.  It's about not putting yourself down and explaining every thing misplaced or forgotten on the dreaded 'old age syndrome'.  The more seniors put themselves down for things that happened throughout their younger lives, which they didn't put themselves down for at the time, the more they set themselves up for mental and physical failure in their old age.  Don't you agree?


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## SifuPhil (Mar 1, 2015)

SeaBreeze said:


> I believe in balance too.  I don't have any respect for those who charge $1,000 a seat to tell people how to love themselves, that's for sure!  Honestly, I've never heard of anyone becoming sick from extreme happiness, but have heard of people becoming physically sick due to sadness and depression.



Well, this might not be a great example, but what about all the people that have won lotteries, certainly an excessively happy occasion, only to end up destitute, depressed and suicidal after a short period of time?

Or, any situation where everything is going your way - say, a stockbroker who just made a killing on Wall Street - only to come home to find that his wife has left him for the gardener? That fall, that very long distance between up and down - had he kept to the "middle path", it would have been a much more manageable trip.



> This isn't about egotism or false hope, IMO.  It's about not putting yourself down and explaining every thing misplaced or forgotten on the dreaded 'old age syndrome'.  The more seniors put themselves down for things that happened throughout their younger lives, which they didn't put themselves down for at the time, the more they set themselves up for mental and physical failure in their old age.  Don't you agree?



I'm sorry, I read your OP and I've read this paragraph several times now and I'm just not catching your drift. You're claiming that if we HAD put ourselves down in our youth, we would be better able to handle these events now? 

I've been told by many people throughout my life that I put myself down too much. While I agree with them to some extent I don't know whether the cause is lack of pride or self-esteem, or just that I try not to build myself up into something that is waiting to be knocked over. I've always sought to follow the more humble path, and in comparing that to the typical bravado displayed by many folk it would certainly appear to be self-negation.

I just see it as keeping an even keel.


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## Cookie (Mar 1, 2015)

oakapple said:


> I agree SeaBreeze, I don't understand all the negative thoughts and talk either.Yes, we will have more health issues than when we were younger, but that's only to be expected. We should still try and enjoy life and stop all the hand wringing.



I agree --  I need to give myself a break..... phrases like 'seniors moment' seem to be about ageism or stereotyping and not very healthy for self-image.  If I can slow down and listen to what I'm thinking and telling myself then I can be kinder and nicer to myself and others, lighten up and feel a lot better.


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## SeaBreeze (Mar 1, 2015)

SifuPhil said:


> Well, this might not be a great example, but what about all the people that have won lotteries, certainly an excessively happy occasion, only to end up destitute, depressed and suicidal after a short period of time?
> 
> Or, any situation where everything is going your way - say, a stockbroker who just made a killing on Wall Street - only to come home to find that his wife has left him for the gardener? That fall, that very long distance between up and down - had he kept to the "middle path", it would have been a much more manageable trip.
> 
> ...



No, those examples involving money windfalls are not true happiness or contentment.  I'm saying that if we didn't make a big thing about forgetting stuff when we were young, we shouldn't suddenly start labeling it now with signs of dementia or 'senior moments', that's all.

  When we get up in years, we start to fear that every little thing we do is a sign that we're losing our mental capabilities or headed towards Alzheimer's.  If we tell ourselves that repeatedly on a daily basis, we'll be convinced. 

 I'm not even talking about self-esteem, pride or bravado....I'm saying that excessive, unrealistic fears of mental incompetence in our old age is not good for us physically or mentally.  The negative buzz in our minds and out of our mouths is harmful to our well being and that of those around us.


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## SifuPhil (Mar 2, 2015)

SeaBreeze said:


> No, those examples involving money windfalls are not true happiness or contentment.  I'm saying that if we didn't make a big thing about forgetting stuff when we were young, we shouldn't suddenly start labeling it now with signs of dementia or 'senior moments', that's all.
> 
> When we get up in years, we start to fear that every little thing we do is a sign that we're losing our mental capabilities or headed towards Alzheimer's.  If we tell ourselves that repeatedly on a daily basis, we'll be convinced.
> 
> I'm not even talking about self-esteem, pride or bravado....I'm saying that excessive, unrealistic fears of mental incompetence in our old age is not good for us physically or mentally.  The negative buzz in our minds and out of our mouths is harmful to our well being and that of those around us.



Ah, okay - thanks for the clarification. That makes sense now. Sorry I was so obtuse.


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## Raven (Mar 2, 2015)

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			Stop the Negative Self-Talk or Your Brain (and Body) Will Believe It!
		
Click to expand...

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SeaBreeze, That is good advice.  It never occurred to me that joking about senior moments and other negative
remarks could be damaging to one's mind and body,  but it makes sense and most of us do it.
You post was very well written and enlightening and I am going to try to drop those kind of thoughts and
sayings and just keep doing as much as I can.


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## SeaBreeze (Mar 9, 2015)

Well, I have to say that since I started this thread, I haven't made any comments about 'oldtimer's disease' or senior moments, and that's very good both for myself and hubby.  I hope everyone else is doing okay.


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## Debby (Mar 10, 2015)

SeaBreeze said:


> No, those examples involving money windfalls are not true happiness or contentment.  I'm saying that if we didn't make a big thing about forgetting stuff when we were young, we shouldn't suddenly start labeling it now with signs of dementia or 'senior moments', that's all.
> 
> When we get up in years, we start to fear that every little thing we do is a sign that we're losing our mental capabilities or headed towards Alzheimer's.  If we tell ourselves that repeatedly on a daily basis, we'll be convinced.
> 
> I'm not even talking about self-esteem, pride or bravado....I'm saying that excessive, unrealistic fears of mental incompetence in our old age is not good for us physically or mentally.  The negative buzz in our minds and out of our mouths is harmful to our well being and that of those around us.




This sounds like the person who goes through life talking themselves into sickness because they watched a news show or a documentary or someone said something about their  symptoms.......we generally call them hypochondriacs.   I think what you're saying SeaBreeze, is that as people get old, labelling every little forgetful moment as a senior moment or whatever, can we talk ourselves into full blown and real 'old age' problems.  Would that be what you are talking about?  And by the way, I think you are right.  We've all heard of the placebo effect right?  Well the opposite of that according to one story I read, what SeaBreeze is describing is called the nocebo effect.  Note the title of the following link.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo...effect-negative-thoughts-can-harm-your-health


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## SeaBreeze (Jan 30, 2016)

Research on negative attitudes and aging.  More here.







Negative attitudes toward aging have an effect on both cognitive and physical health in the later years, according to research from Trinity College Dublin (TCD).
In a study published in the journal _Personality and Individual Differences_, researchers Dierdre Robertson and Rose Anne Kenny detailed the results of their work after analyzing the Irish Longitudinal Study on Aging (TILDA) at TCD.

Based on their findings, older adults who have negative attitudes about aging had worse cognitive abilities and slower walking speeds two years later compared to what those with positive attitudes toward aging had. The result was the same even after factors like other health changes, life circumstances, mood and medication were accounted for.

Negative attitudes to aging also affected how various health conditions manifested.

In frail older adults, for instance, risks of multiple health problems, which included worse cognition, were higher. However, those with negative attitudes toward aging were reported to have worse cognitive condition compared to TILDA participants who weren't categorized as frail. And those that had positive attitudes about aging? They had the same cognitive abilities as their non-frail counterparts.

"The way we think about, talk about and write about aging may have direct effects on health," said Robertson, adding that, as everybody will grow older, looking negatively at aging throughout life will bring detrimental and measurable effects on an individual's cognitive, mental and physical health.

Kenny also said that policy makers and researchers can use the results of their study and work together toward developing and implementing societal-wide interventions to address attitudes and possibly come up with ultimate novel ways to maintain health in the later years.

Aging is inevitable but it is generally treated with a negative attitude. Just look at the thriving beauty industry geared at turning back the clock every possible way! Growing old will have its downsides but people are missing out on the chance to make the most out of it, especially that it has been shown that simply having a negative mindset about aging will negatively impact cognitive and physical health down the line.


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## fureverywhere (Jan 30, 2016)

It is about the right attitude. As I've said before this trying to find a job thing has just squished my ego into a little spit ball. But the other day I did a different search. I found a network non-profit that works with exceptional children and adults. You know on Monday I am going to send a cover letter by snail mail. I can tell them exactly why I have the perfect qualifications.


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## Underock1 (Jan 30, 2016)

Lets start a counter insurgency here. I call myself a stupid ass a dozen times a day because I do something stupid.
I need that kick in the behind and there's no one else to do it but me.


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## fureverywhere (Jan 30, 2016)

The worst is "I knew I came in this room for a reason", complete blank. So go ahead and do something else and it will come to you.


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## SifuPhil (Jan 30, 2016)

Underock1 said:


> No. Lets start a counter insurgency here. I call myself a stupid ass a dozen times a day because I do something stupid.
> I need that kick in the behind and there's no one else to do it but me.



I've tried calling myself "Loretta" whenever I do something stupid.

The only thing it has done is to increase my appreciation of shoes.


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## Karen99 (Jan 30, 2016)

Great thread, Seabreeze.  I see it as being kind to myself..nurturing myself.  I don't feel old or think old and my older relatives who are pushing 90 have sharp minds.  I do know The difference between being forgetful and Alzheimer's..which is NOT a normal part of aging.  I think it's good to be realistic but no need beating ourselves up...you're right , Seabreeze.


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## Underock1 (Jan 30, 2016)

SifuPhil said:


> I've tried calling myself "Loretta" whenever I do something stupid.
> 
> The only thing it has done is to increase my appreciation of shoes.



Do you do a little twirl when you say it,:turnaround: or was she before your time? That's one way to stay "Young", Have it as a family name.


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## SifuPhil (Jan 30, 2016)

Underock1 said:


> Do you do a little twirl when you say it,:turnaround: or was she before your time? That's one way to stay "Young", Have it as a family name.



LOL - excellent!

Technically she was before my time, but as with so many things before my time I know of her and have seen her stuff. 

I also know she was a bad girl with Clark Gable, which in my book makes her a good girl.


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## Pappy (Jan 31, 2016)

As I grow older, I find I am forgetting dates, appointments, etc. I have to ask my wife about things I should know. I tend to get down thinking about it, but realize there are just some things I can't control so I have to give myself a good talking to and think about the good memories. 
The thing that I don't understand is why I can remember almost all of my childhood and past, but everyday things that happen now are so hard to remember. Short term memory loss?
The doctor says it's just old age and not to worry about it. (But I do)


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## Arachne (Jan 31, 2016)

I used to be my own worse critic. I often would compare myself to others and was always negative. Through meditation, yoga and spiritual awakening I have moved on. Are there days when the self doubt creeps in.. Absolutely just read my diary post. But, now the good out numbers the bad to which I am most blessed..^.^ I also believe it does not make me self absorbed, to have put myself first. So yes believe in yourself you would be surprised how good it feels.:sunglass:


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## RadishRose (Jan 31, 2016)

I agree Sea. It's been maybe 2 years now that I've started thinking oh I'm too old to start this or that. I don't know how or why I started that nonsense, but now its going to stop, unless proven.


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## Linda (Jan 31, 2016)

My study of traditional Chinese medicine taught me that you can become  sick from extreme happiness as easily as from extreme sadness. REALLY?  That's something I've never heard before.  Maybe you're more knowledgeable with traditional Chinese medicine than I am.  Something new for me to investigate.   I don't agree that winning the lottery or making it big on Wall Street is a time of extreme happiness. (Except for maybe the first 10 minutes)  I don't think $ and happiness go hand in hand.


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## Falcon (Jan 31, 2016)

My biggest fear (getting older) is forgetting how o recite the alphabet, my times tables + other things of that nature.

I'm just glad that I can spell write and know that 3X9= 38.


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## SeaBreeze (Jan 31, 2016)

Falcon said:


> I'm just glad that I can spell write and know that 3X9= 38.



:lol:...your sense of humor will keep you young Falcon!


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## SifuPhil (Jan 31, 2016)

Falcon said:


> My biggest fear (getting older) is forgetting how o recite the alphabet, my times tables + other things of that nature.
> 
> I'm just glad that I can spell write and know that 3X9= 38.



LOL - whatta guy!


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## Linda (Jan 31, 2016)

I agree with your OP Seabreeze and have enjoyed reading everyone's comments.  I think positive self talk helps all of us.  I have a few affirmations written down that I repeat a few times to myself when I remember to or feel the need.  I even have one for Alzheimer's  but its for my husband not me.  I think focusing on negative things makes them worse too.  That's why I try not to talk too much about my bad knee.  I know a lady who says every January is a bad month and can talk for 30 minutes straight about all the bad things that have happened to her and her family in January.  I think she would feel better if she focused on the GOOD things that have happened to her family in January.  

As for Alzheimer's, several in my husband's family have had it but he has always said he wouldn't ever get it and I think his positive attitude has helped him some.  He's forgotten some pretty obvious things as far as I'm concerned but maybe no more than most people his age.  I also notice he repeats himself a lot and I'm thinking that can go along with dementia too.   Right now if he were tested for dementia I'm sure they would say he doesn't have it so that's good.  I have done a lot of things to just make our life easier for remembering.  I'm trying to keep everything in it's place and I'm getting a lot of the extra things out of our house (I have several plastic bins stored in my shed or his shop) as I have heard that makes it easier.  Not being able to find something can be pretty frustrating.  He loses his shoes or belt or whatever several times a week.  I have, what I think is sort of a gift, of being able to find things so I'm often called on to find what he's lost.  At lest once a week I walk through his shop and find something he can't locate.  He was getting frustrated with "heavy" forks and spoons that he said kept falling off his plate and onto the floor.  I thought that was pretty far out but I went through all our spoons and forks and took out a few that he thinks are light weight and won't fall and I put them on the front of a utensil holder on the counter top.  Now he doesn't have to even open the drawer, he can just reach his light weight eating forks right from the counter.  

OK, I'm getting off subject here.  I better move on.


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## SeaBreeze (Mar 18, 2017)

Every now and then I'll slip up if I forget to do something and say something negative about old age memory.  But very rarely, we've both been good not to dwell on the dementia aspect even in a joking way.  I think it's better overall to live like that, not putting yourself down for maybe forgetting something that you would have forgotten in your thirties.


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## Victor (Mar 28, 2017)

Seems to me that our emotions rule our thoughts. At least mine do. Chicken and the egg. Which causes which: bad feelings, then thoughts, or thoughts then bad feelings. It is easier to tell yourself to be positive than erase the bad feelings with it. The bad feelings may be deeply rooted
as you know. Personally, I don't forget many things, I have a good mind for details. But of course you can forget things and not even know that you forgot them in the first place.


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## RadishRose (Mar 28, 2017)

Falcon said:


> My biggest fear (getting older) is forgetting how o recite the alphabet, my times tables + other things of that nature.
> 
> I'm just glad that I can spell write and know that 3X9= 38.



Falcon, you mean it's not 56 ??


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## Aunt Bea (Mar 28, 2017)

My biggest fear is forgetting where I hid the money!!!

I don't worry about my little flubs and based on family history I think some other disease will find me before my mind goes.

If I'm wrong and my mind goes first I actually think it will be harder on those people around me than it will be on me, we'll see!!!


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## IKE (Mar 28, 2017)

Aunt Bea said:


> My biggest fear is forgetting where I hid the money!!!



That's one I definitely don't have to worry about Bea.

To quote the The Big Bopper in the 1958 song Chantilly Lace......"baby, I ain't got no money honey".


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## SeaBreeze (Jul 14, 2017)

Fuzzybuddy's thread yesterday about forgetfulness reminded me of this old thread.


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## helenbacque (Jul 14, 2017)

Thinking along these lines,  I probably should not have watched the "60 Minutes" program about Alzheimer's because it stated that almost 40% of the people my age (84) have it to some degree.  Did it scare me $hitless?  No.  Did it plant a seed of worry?  No.  I viewed it as it was intended.  Education, simply a fact.  

Good genes and an inquisitive nature have kept my mind reasonably sharp but a little normal forgetfulness trips me up occasionally.  It doesn't concern me.  I just know it's time to give my brain a little workout.  Fortunately I have several hobbies that do just that.  I look at them as grease for the engine. 

 I believe that *a**ccepting what is *is living in the here and now and that's were I like to be.


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 19, 2018)

More proof that having a negative outlook on aging can bring on things like dementia.  Story HERE.



> One of the strongest risk factors for dementia is the ε4 variant of the _APOE_  gene. Yet, many who carry it never develop dementia. The current study  examined for the first time whether positive age beliefs that are  acquired from the culture may reduce the risk of developing dementia  among older individuals, including those who are _APOE_ ε4  carriers.
> 
> The cohort consisted of 4,765 Health and Retirement Study  participants who were aged 60 or older and dementia-free at baseline. As  predicted, in the total sample those with positive age beliefs at  baseline were significantly less likely to develop dementia, after  adjusting for relevant covariates.
> 
> Among those with _APOE ε4_,  those with positive age beliefs were 49.8% less likely to develop  dementia than those with negative age beliefs. The results of this study  suggest that positive age beliefs, which are modifiable and have been  found to reduce stress, can act as a protective factor, even for older  individuals at high risk of dementia.


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## Smiling Jane (Feb 19, 2018)

Shame on Saturday Night Live for this.


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## rgp (Feb 20, 2018)

I don't watch SNL...never liked it. But come-on have we lost all sense of humor ?.....besides there is some truth mixed in with the comedy.


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## SeaBreeze (Aug 11, 2018)

Just watched half of this video so far, and thought it was a good fit for this thread.


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## Elsie (Aug 12, 2018)

I think I was in my late fifties when, while sitting relaxing in an armchair, I first thought about my aging when I glanced down at the skin on my arm and was actually fascinated when I saw how aging was causing it to lose its elasticity.  Not enjoyable, but I did not get all shook up.  I don't go around thinking I'm getting "old", except when I find I'm unable to do something I once could.  I sure don't like my old appearance though.   When I am more likely to think about it is when I have an unusual ache here or there.  I visit mostly people much younger than I, which might have something to do with my not thinking "old".  I've had an ectopic pregnancy (almost too late to save my life.  A left breast lumpectomy (age 72).  A right knee replacement (age 73).  But with each of these, possible death never even came to my mind.  (Just ignorant I guess.  )


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## jaminhealth (Aug 12, 2018)

Just popped in here and it's true so many are so hard on themselves.  

I'm happy to have reached the grand year of 80 and refuse to call myself anything but good.


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## AprilT (Aug 12, 2018)

Smiling Jane said:


> Shame on Saturday Night Live for this.




I saw that when it first aired on SNL, loved it then, love it now, I'm one who has learned to laugh at my faults aging or other issues.  To me this is hilarious and I just roared out loud watching it again.  Glad you posted it, sorry some if some can't find the humor in it.  We laugh at all kinds of faulty things in life, why not our own, much better than crying about them.   

Think I'll visit this video again when I need a good laugh around here.


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## SeaBreeze (Aug 12, 2018)

AprilT said:


> I saw that when it first aired on SNL, loved it then, love it now, I'm one who has learned to laugh at my faults aging or other issues.  To me this is hilarious and I just roared out loud watching it again.  Glad you posted it, sorry some if some can't find the humor in it.  We laugh at all kinds of faulty things in life, why not our own, much better than crying about them.
> 
> Think I'll visit this video again when I need a good laugh around here.



I think it's funny too April, I don't think I saw it on SNL, but I saw it online awhile ago, may have even posted it here somewhere.


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