# Depression Support for Senior



## Chestnut (Mar 12, 2015)

Hi Everyone,

Does anyone know of a depression forum for seniors?  The only ones I seem to come up with are geared mostly towards younger people with an entirely different set of issues.  I am pretty deeply depressed right now but don't know if this is the right place to discuss things, either.  This seems like a pretty up-beat place so I don't know if it's appropriate to talk about this horrible disease here.  I've suffered from it all my life and I'm now 63 and it's worse than it's ever been as I try to cope with all the usual hardships of aging - financial problems, housing insecurities, fading health and fitness, loss of friends and family and loneliness.  These things are very hard to deal with for us all, but depression seems to erode the coping skills I need to handle them.  I guess it is fair to say I'm in a bit of a crisis.

 Anyway, I would be interested in talking with other people who can relate to this.

Margaret


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## SeaBreeze (Mar 12, 2015)

Hi Margaret, welcome to the forum, so good to have you join us! :welcome:  We have discussed depression here on Senior Forums, I've posted just three links to some of the threads here.  Depression favors no particular age, in fact, seniors seem to be the age group that struggles most with depression.  

Factors such as financial worries, death of a spouse or children, loneliness, etc. all contribute to us having bouts of depression of varying degrees.  I personally don't really suffer from depression, but certainly have my times of highs and lows, and feeling down, like I'm in a slump.

Please feel free to discuss how you're feeling, I'm sure there are many folks here that can relate and offer some useful thoughts.  Hugs.

https://www.seniorforums.com/showth...bad-and-therapist-advice?highlight=depression


https://www.seniorforums.com/showth...epression-and-or-anxiety?highlight=depression


https://www.seniorforums.com/showth...ing-depressed-and-lonely?highlight=depression


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## Chestnut (Mar 12, 2015)

Thank you Sea Breeze for the welcome and the links.  Right now it is only my two cats that keep me going.  Antidepressants no longer work and I've pretty much lost the will or desire to keep going after decades of struggling with this disease. I'm very tired of it.

   My two daughters with whom I was once very close, won't answer my emails although I have tried very hard to work things out.  This is pretty much impossible since I don't understand the problem and they won't write to tell me.  Anyway, I pretty much feel run through the heart with a sword and don't know how long I can keep up the daily struggle.  

I guess it's the business with my daughters that seems like the last straw - there is a lot more going on but this is really the worst thing.  I miss them so much and just don't understand what is going on, or how they can just cut off their mother like this.

  I nursed my own mother through cancer and my ex-husband nursed his so I don't know where they learned this was okay.  To me family is everything and now I don't have one.  It's just hard.  But I do have the cats.


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## Vivjen (Mar 12, 2015)

Where do you live, roughly, Chestnut, and do you do any group exercise or activities?
this may sound very nosy...I am! But I may be able to give some pointers...


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## SeaBreeze (Mar 12, 2015)

I'm glad you have the cats to keep you company, pets are very healing when things are going badly for us in this world.  I'm sorry to hear about your daughters, I have to say that I regretted having more contact with my mother during my younger years.  I was lucky enough to tell her how I felt before she passed.

  Sometimes children get so involved in their own lives, it's easy to ignore the people most important to them like their parents.  My husband's parents moved in with us when they were so ill they could no longer be on their own without going into a nursing home.  I must say that I was happy to help them in their golden years before they passed.

  Many folks just don't keep close connections with their family, I have one sister and we don't live near each other and are not that close.  So, if something would happen to my hubby, I'll likely be like you, with only my pets to keep me happy.  Remember, you can make friends here, there's a lot of caring seniors who are willing to listen and share experiences.


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## Chestnut (Mar 12, 2015)

Vivjen,  I live in the Baltimore, MD area.  No I don't do any group exercise or activities.  I'm new to the area and don't drive, so that's hindered my ability to get out and do things.  I do remember though, from happier times belonging to a fitness center and taking aerobic classes.  They were a lot of fun and I was never sure what helped most - the exercise or the social aspect.


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## Chestnut (Mar 12, 2015)

Thanks, SeaBreeze.  I do have a sister with whom I am close, although she lives on the other side of the world.  Thank heavens for email!    

What I don't understand about my daughters is that we were always so close before this.  I felt we had a strong bond and now I'm intellectually realizing that was one sided.  Even though I realize that intellectually, however, it is hard to actually accept it - I can't really believe they won't talk to me and so I keep writing and writing and begging them to talk to me and...nothing.   

Thanks again for writing.


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## Vivjen (Mar 12, 2015)

Exactly....so as you are new to the area, you must go out and find something!
i took up yoga; it brings a little structure into life; which I find I need.
i have also taken up indoor bowls....
find a neighbour for coffee and cake...I do that too!
remember, as the weather improves, so will you; enough to enable you to get out and about, that will help; the sun has been shining here this week; which meant I could go to the dentist, and laugh!
join in on here too, and winge as much as you wish.....
enjoy your cats... I have two too......
never give up completely.....you will feel better slowly....keep chatting...


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## Chestnut (Mar 12, 2015)

Thanks Vivjen, you're right about needing to get out more.  I know that in theory but tend to be reclusive.  I have a hard time making friends.  Yoga is great - I agree with that.  What are indoor bowls anyway?


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## Vivjen (Mar 12, 2015)

It is much easier to be less reclusive in the better weather.......so don't rush out in 6 feet of snow?
have you had a lot of snow?

have you ever seen lawn bowls?
a small ball, a jack, is sent down a 'lane' then biased larger balls are sent down towards it; nearest wins......easy!
Indoor bowls is the same, but indoors!
a peculiarly British game perhaps.....

see......you are showing interest.....keep chatting.


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## Chestnut (Mar 12, 2015)

We haven't had that much snow -just a couple of big snowfalls this year, but it stayed cold so the snow is only now melted.  

No I've never seen lawn bowls although I'd read of it before.  It sounds like a lot of fun!  I used to go bowling, which is different I know, but alas I was never very good at it.  We do have a fitness center in our building here, which I should get down to.  I used to enjoy weight lifting.


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## Vivjen (Mar 12, 2015)

Ideas are beginning; but it is better with other people.....
ten pin bowling; the balls are supposed to go in a strait line! I was no good at it; not that I am any good at the other kind either; but it gets me out on a Friday....


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## Debby (Mar 12, 2015)

Chestnut, you absolutely aren't alone in how you're feeling!  Not at all.  Been there, done that and still doing it more days than not.  You trudge through your days I'll bet don't you, sort of like 'living in cold molasses' maybe would be a good way to visualize it.

I do the exercise, meditate, have a hobby, get outdoors (in better weather of course), eat right and I read and most importantly I think, I come here and stay engaged by talking.  I think that's really important for you and especially if you are having a low day and just can't make yourself get out the door.    I find the chatting takes my mind off 'my mind' and because I engage in political discussions often, I get busy with looking stuff up.  So being involved here keeps me engaged in two ways.  Maybe you would find that helpful as well.


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## Debby (Mar 12, 2015)

> Thank you Sea Breeze for the welcome and the links. Right now it is only my two cats that keep me going. Antidepressants no longer work and I've pretty much lost the will or desire to keep going after decades of struggling with this disease. I'm very tired of it.





> My two daughters with whom I was once very close, won't answer my emails although I have tried very hard to work things out. This is pretty much impossible since I don't understand the problem and they won't write to tell me. Anyway, I pretty much feel run through the heart with a sword and don't know how long I can keep up the daily struggle.
> 
> I guess it's the business with my daughters that seems like the last straw - there is a lot more going on but this is really the worst thing. I miss them so much and just don't understand what is going on, or how they can just cut off their mother like this.
> 
> ...




I was just looking at the above, that you wrote, and I'm so sad for you.  Life is such a b****   sometimes isn't it!  And when I say life, I do mean life because for me, it started when I was a kid I think.  So I truly feel your pain.

As for your kids, well, the only advice I could possibly give is to give 'that relationship' to the universe and quit holding it to your heart!  The one thing that I've finally learned, being an incessant worrier and agonizer over the dumbest things (I had issues) is that the things that you let eat away at you usually don't end up happening and then you've wasted all that time and that energy.  And when it comes to relationships, well I think they are for a purpose and there is a reason that they happen like they do, because they all change us.  We do get to chose how they'll change us mind you.   I'll give you an example.

My mom makes me crazy.  Every time I talk to her, the call ends and my blood pressure is up.  And it's not because we fight (very careful not to), but just because we're oil and water I guess.  Anyway, I was walking around the garden one day, kind of fuming and I suddenly had a revelation (no burning bushes but it was still a significant event) and realized how much better I was as a person because of her.  I'd learned how 'not to mother' in some ways, how to mother in others and I learned to be loyal to family from her because she is.  Loyal that is.  I've learned to be patient (because she isn't) and I think I've learned to be open to other peoples ideas (because she isn't).  So she's been important in my life even though....we're oil and water.

So with your daughters, that's awful and I can feel how hurt you are in your words but you've got to let your grip on the pain lighten just a little bit because it gets exhausting to have it there always and maybe try to step away from it once in a while, so that instead of feeling the pain, you can think about it 'abstractly'.     Does that make any sense to you?  I know, little out there and I used to read that kind of thing before and roll my eyes or sometimes scratch my head but I'm beginning to understand it and it works for me when things are getting me in a twist.   And who knows, this may be only an interlude in the relationship and it will resume in a bit.  This I also understand because my mom told me once that she thought we should not speak again and it took a year before we spoke and only because my aunt was dying and she thought I should be informed.  But I wrote notes to her periodically, just keeping the door open you know but with no pressure.

I don't know if any of that helps, it would stroke my ego tremendously to think it did, but for sure, come here and get involved.  I saw that you're recently joined and by now you have probably figured out that we're a nice bunch of folks.


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## jujube (Mar 12, 2015)

Please keep posting, Chestnut.  I'm sure everyone here has had bouts of depression at some time.  It's good to "vent" to people who aren't going to constantly tell you to "pull yourself together" and "try a little harder".

These might be of help:

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/08/28/12-depression-busters-for-seniors/

seniormag.com

seniorhelpforum.com


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## RadishRose (Mar 12, 2015)

Hi Chestnut!
Keep posting to us about any old thing at all. You are a valued member of this forum. I bet you can think up some topics you'd like to share with us, so think about starting a 'thread".  We'd enjoy responding to your ideas and things you'd like to show us.

:love_heart:


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## tnthomas (Mar 12, 2015)

Hi Margaret, Welcome to the forum.   Don't feel alone, all of the hardships of aging that you listed are common to us all here.    Worry over relationships with children is tough, sometimes it's hard to tell exactly what their feelings and thoughts are, especially from a distance.     The social and physical activities at a fitness center can be such a much needed lift.      Anyway, I hope you'll feel comfortable here, and perhaps gain something of value for better living.


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## pchrise (Mar 12, 2015)

Please Chestnut start by not blamming yourself or even trying to understand why they are doing this.  You are Not to blame in any way. 

Sometimes a break is needed   like this song  rejection hurts lot of nice people will stand by you


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## Josiah (Mar 12, 2015)

You might try light therapy. There currently is an active thread about this kind of therapy. If you follow the directions it can't do you any harm and it might help.


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## Chestnut (Mar 14, 2015)

Hi Debby,

Thanks for the replies and truly excellent advice about not holding pain too closely in one's heart.  You echo my sister, who urges detachment in the face of actions by others over which we have no control.  Amazingly enough, my older daughter did finally unbend enough to write to me yesterday and explain some of her position so now I understand things a little better.  It is an opening and I hope things get better from there.  Nothing from my younger daughter.  It is just hard because the three of us have always been SO close and I just miss them terribly.

I'm glad you were able to resolve things with your own mother.  It is hard with oil and water relationships, I know.  

You did help, so consider your ego stroked!   Thank you!


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## Chestnut (Mar 14, 2015)

Thanks Josiah - good point about SAD.  I'll check out the thread.


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## Chestnut (Mar 14, 2015)

Hi Chrise,

I always loved this song so enjoyed listening to it again.  Well, kind of enjoyed, because it actually moved me to tears, thinking of it in terms of my daughters.  Thanks for posting it.


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## Chestnut (Mar 14, 2015)

Thanks jujube.  I read the article- it does have a lot of useful info in it.


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## Chestnut (Mar 14, 2015)

Thanks RadishRose!  I'll come up with something, at some point.  I do appreciate the great support I've gotten here - it has really done wonders for my mood!


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## Chestnut (Mar 14, 2015)

Thanks tnthomas.  You're absolutely right about not being able to tell feelings and thoughts from a distance - that's some of why I wish my daughters would let me know more of what's going on.  Thank you again for welcome.


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## SeaBreeze (Mar 18, 2015)




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