# And then the fight began.



## IKE (Apr 22, 2017)

1.
 I went to a bar last night and saw a really heavy gal wearing a short skirt dancing on a table and I said, "good legs".

The gal giggled and said, "do you really think so ?".

I said, "most definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now".

2. 
I was in the airport lounge in London once and I saw two really big ol' gals sitting at the bar and I noticed that they had really strong accents so I ask, "hey, are you two ladies from Scotland ?" 

One of them drunkenly yelled, "It's Wales you idiot !".

I replied, "sorry, are you two whales from Scotland ?"


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 22, 2017)

A  hooded robber burst into a Texas Bank and forced the tellers to load a  sack full of cash. On his way out the door a brave Texas customer  grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robber's face. The  robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation. 

He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also.

 Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in  silence. The Robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?" 

There are a few moments of utter silence, in which everyone was plainly  afraid to speak. Then one old man tentatively raised his hand and said,  "My wife got a good look at you."

_...And that's when the fight started_


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## IKE (Apr 22, 2017)

1.
My wife was standing nude in front of a mirror and wasn't liking what she saw and says to me, "honey I feel terrible, I think I look old, fat and ugly and I really need you to pay me a nice compliment to make me feel better".

I said, "well you've got damn near perfect eyesight".

That's when the fight started.

2.
I accidentally rear ended a car this morning and I see the irate driver getting out of his car and come storming back towards me with a look that could kill in his eyes and I immediately noticed that he was a dwarf.

He looked up at me and said, "I Am Not Happy !

I looked down at him and said, "so which one are you then ?" 

That's when the fight started.


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 22, 2017)

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really mad.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

...that's when the fight started


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## SifuPhil (Apr 23, 2017)

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, "There's really no need, just unbutton your shirt."

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too."

*And then the fight started.*


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## Shalimar (Apr 23, 2017)

SifuPhil said:


> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
> 
> The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
> 
> ...


Hahahahahahaha.


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## Pappy (Apr 23, 2017)




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