# My Thoughts On Assisted Living



## Lon (Feb 27, 2018)

I had a nice dinner and conversation with a fellow resident that lives down the hall from me. He is 96 years old and lives alone like myself in this lovely facility. http://www.oakmontoffresno.com/
His wife of 71 years died three years ago. He has been living here for six months and misses his independence and is not really happy trying to adjust. He was used to preparing all his own meals, tree trimming and other yard work as well as driving vehicles. He misses living in his own house.
Although I am 83 and not 96, we share much in common except the adjusting. George (his name) has a couple of medical conditions that could surface and put him in need of more care than he can do for himself. We are both mobile with walkers. His daughter had him sell his house which he misses. He is not computer literate at all and has no cell phone. Talking to him made me realize that I made the right decision to move here. The decision was mine and not a family member.

   [h=2]are Services at Oakmont of Fresno[/h]


Our care services include Assistance with Bathing, Dressing, Grooming / Personal Hygiene, Diabetic Care, Special Diets, Medication Management, Oxygen Management, Management of Incontinence, Transferring / Assistance with Ambulation, Escorts to Meals, Escorts to Activities, Escorts to Appointments, Hospice, and even an On-Site Nurse for Monitoring Health Needs and Assessments.


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## Camper6 (Feb 27, 2018)

Adapting is the very essence of survival techniques. 

Go go for it.


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## James (Feb 27, 2018)

My mother in law is in her early 90's and was on her own up until New Years day when she fell and broke her hip.

She was living in a Seniors Apartment Complex which was just an apartment block reserved for seniors only.  No amenities.  When I say on "her own", that was with the constant assistance of my dear wife who was in to see her at least every other day.  She should have been in an assisted living facility as she has had mobility issues for quite some time but refused and always shut down that conversation immediately.

After two months in Hospital she was released and has gone back to her apartment. She hasn't fully recovered and my wife has been with her 24hrs a day.  We've hired a PSW and a Nurse to help out and to give my wife a break.

After a recent meeting with them they are in agreement that she needs supervised care, not just because of the now compounded mobility issues but they also voiced concern over memory issues that we also noticed over the last month.

Now comes the hard part as she has voiced her opinion in the past that she would never agree to go to one.  This isn't going to be easy but there really isn't any viable option at this point.  There is also a waiting list at all of them ranging from a year to seven years.  Because of this she is going on an "urgent list" which will cut down the wait time to about 3 months.  Because its urgent you have to give the County your pick of 5 and then whatever one comes up is the one you get, you have no other choice.

About 4 yrs ago when the mobility issues began my wife did a lot of research and found a very nice one at a very reasonable cost that wasn't too far from where she lives now.  She tried to talk her mother into going to no avail.  

Now she's going to be forced and she/we don't have a choice where she ends up.


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## dpwspringer (Feb 28, 2018)

James said:


> My mother in law is in her early 90's and was on her own up until New Years day when she fell and broke her hip.
> 
> She was living in a Seniors Apartment Complex which was just an apartment block reserved for seniors only.  No amenities.  When I say on "her own", that was with the constant assistance of my dear wife who was in to see her at least every other day.  She should have been in an assisted living facility as she has had mobility issues for quite some time but refused and always shut down that conversation immediately.
> 
> ...


Years ago I had a similar experience with my mom. I came to believe that it is the finality of the move and  things like giving up family gatherings, etc that they probably no longer host anyway because they are not physically able to. Heck I need to toss most of my belongings, especially the ones related to outdoor activities I haven't done in years and likely never will but hesitate because of similar feelings, I suspect.


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## James (Feb 28, 2018)

What doesn't help around here are the number of complaints and temporary closings of assisted living facilities due to inadequate care, conditions, abuse and in one of the most recent cases a serial killing nurse.

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/new...-first-degree-murder-charges/article35173985/


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## Aunt Bea (Feb 28, 2018)

James said:


> What doesn't help around here are the number of complaints and temporary closings of assisted living facilities due to inadequate care, conditions, abuse and in one of the most recent cases a serial killing nurse.
> 
> https://www.theglobeandmail.com/new...-first-degree-murder-charges/article35173985/



We have similar problems in my area.  It really makes a big difference if family and friends are able to visit daily and take an active role in a persons care.  IMO most of these abusers/bullies are cowards.  They tend to stay away from people with a caring family and sadly they focus on the poor old ducks that have nobody to look out for them.  I'm beginning to think that we need armed resource officers in assisted living and skilled nursing facilities too, very sad.


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## James (Feb 28, 2018)

I agree Aunt Bea, a caring attentive family can make a difference.


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## ray188 (Mar 2, 2018)

Aunt Bea said:


> We have similar problems in my area.  It really makes a big difference if family and friends are able to visit daily and take an active role in a persons care.  IMO most of these abusers/bullies are cowards.  They tend to stay away from people with a caring family and sadly they focus on the poor old ducks that have nobody to look out for them.  I'm beginning to think that we need armed resource officers in assisted living and skilled nursing facilities too, very sad.


You do make good points. I have had friends go both ways. The family does offer love and caring - but they have their own lives too. One friend of mine was taken to live with his family at the age of 91. They went about their lives and he stared out the window at the snow - bored out of his mind. He left, came back to his independent life, dies 18 months later but they were 18 months of a happy life.

I guess it sometimes comes down to a case of years vs laughs.


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## Catlady (Mar 31, 2018)

I am 75 1/2 and still mainly healthy and independent and living alone.  But, I am also a planner and am struggling to find a solution to living arrangements for when I am 80 and older and will probably need more help.  I do have a 54 year old daughter but I truly do not want to burden her with my care.  I need to start doing some research for the future.  My ideal set-up would be something like the British sitcom "Waiting for God", has anyone watched it on PBS?  They each had their own apartment but could eat in the common dining room and join in activities and day-trips.  But, who knows how expensive something like that would be in Arizona.


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## jujube (Mar 31, 2018)

My late uncle went kicking and screaming (well, complaining loudly...) to an assisted living facility and it didn't take long for him to love the life so much that it was hard to get him to come away for weekends to visit relatives.  He was a ladies' man, so with the ratio of women to men of 85% to 15%, he was in _The Happy Henhouse.  _  His friends called him the Head Rooster.  

He still drove, which made him very popular with the ladies and gentlemen alike.  His facility had lots and lots of activities, including a "kegger" every Friday evening and a tea dance once a month.  In between, there were theme parties, trips, card tournaments, table bowling, swimming, a theater room to watch movies and sports, lots of "clubs".  Two meals a day were provided: a nice continental breakfast and dinner.  Dinner was a great social affair.  

He had a good three years there before dementia set in and he needed a higher level of care.  They were probably the happiest years of his life.


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## JB in SC (Apr 6, 2018)

Some adjust well to living in a facility, others just wither away. It's always been my thinking that either outgoing individuals whom enjoy the company and those that are more private do equally well. The people that are devastated by the loss of independence, mourning the passing of a spouse, or missing the family they spent their life with do not seem to do well.


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