# Cremation or burial.........Your preference ?



## IKE (Sep 28, 2015)

Mama and I made our decision on what to do with our remains a few years ago, we both agreed to go with cremation.

She ask that at some point she'd like her ashes to be thrown in the ocean. I told her to just bring my ashes home in a old Mason jar so I could keep an eye on her and her new boyfriend........I swear sometimes that gal has no sense of humor at all. 

What's everyone's choice, burial or cremation ?


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## Shalimar (Sep 28, 2015)

Cremation for me, ashes scattered over the sea.


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## RadishRose (Sep 28, 2015)

Cremation, ashes in an attractive urn, kept by a family member on the mantle or other prominent place.


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## Falcon (Sep 28, 2015)

Cremation.  And its all paid for.  Told my kids that I don't care what they want to do with the cremains......chuck 'em in the ocean for all I care.


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## SeaBreeze (Sep 28, 2015)

We're both going with cremation, nothing special for the ashes, perhaps casting them to the wind in nature.


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## imp (Sep 28, 2015)

Cremation, beyond any doubt. But, keeping "cremains" around is not always a good idea. My Dad died in '72. I kept his remains with me many years, my Mother passing in '86. Then, two urns were following my various nation-wide moves. Finally, I took a long hard think about it. My Dad had made no request; my Mother asked to have her ashes buried by a Bottlebrush plant. Living in Missouri, my own longevity becoming dubious due to respiratory problems, I decided jointly with my wife to scatter them both in the local private cemetery. Maybe illegal, maybe a disgusting thought to some, maybe OK? I believe them to be resting peacefully.    imp


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## Underock1 (Sep 28, 2015)

Cremation. My wife is sitting in a box on her dresser right now awaiting my arrival.
 When I go, the plan is to have our ashes mixed and disposed of together to continue on as a team in whatever form the universe determines.


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## ~Lenore (Sep 28, 2015)

*Funeral.   
All paid for and even have the clothes selected for me and the happy music I want played. 
I have planned a going away party. 
*


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## jujube (Sep 28, 2015)

Cremation.  My last chance for a smokin' hot bod.


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## Kadee (Sep 28, 2015)

Undecided , However in the city ( Adelaide ) if you are buried you only have a lease for 25 years after that your grave is reused unless a family member is prepaired to pay fees to extend the lease .


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## imp (Sep 28, 2015)

Underock1 said:


> Cremation. My wife is sitting in a box on her dresser right now awaiting my arrival.
> When I go, the plan is to have our ashes mixed and disposed of together to continue on as a team in whatever form the universe determines.



Good plan! Have you someone sufficiently trustworthy to carry out your wishes?   imp


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## imp (Sep 28, 2015)

Kadee46 said:


> Undecided , However in the city ( Adelaide ) if you are buried you only have a lease for 25 years *after that your grave is reused *unless a family member is prepaired to pay fees to extend the lease .



Reused? Gosh! I know they "stack" them one atop another in Europe (so they say!), is that how it's done? (shiver!)    imp


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## Linda (Sep 28, 2015)

Kadee46, I too am wondering about that "reuse" after 25 years.  

I feel like I just wrote this somewhere on this forum a few days ago.  Cremation for us and we have never said where we want our ashes.  I think our kids are inventive enough to come up with something.  As I said a few days ago my brother's wife died about 10 years ago and she requested that part of her ashes would be scattered on the strip.  He went to one of the walking overpasses near the NewYorkNewYork and tossed some over.  (Yes, he knows it's illegal) 

When our son died his son and he had planned a trip to Hawaii as our grandson had been there a few times with his mom and loved it.  The director at the mortuary told us human ashes appear a lot like (I forget what it's called but in a scan at the airport it could come up looking like some sort of explosive) so he filled out some official paperwork saying our grandson at some point plans to go ahead and take part of his dad to Hawaii.  So there will be no problems on the plane.  This was all news to me.  A friend of our son's gave us a dwarf lemon tree so we planted that in our front yard and put some of our son's ashes on that.  He loved the ocean so our grandson took some ashes to school with him in the bay area so he could leave some ashes in the ocean.  I know he and some friends went camping at Santa Cruiz so I'm guessing he left some up there too.  Our son was a truck driver for a few years and loved to travel so I put some ashes in tiny jewelry urns so he can travel when ever his siblings go on trips.  I also carry one in my purse at all times.  Of course the joke is on us as he was extremely interested in outer space and I think he is out there now checking out this water on Mars news and traveling all over the place.  Probably Hawaii or the Grand Canyon is old news to him.


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## Underock1 (Sep 28, 2015)

imp said:


> Good plan! Have you someone sufficiently trustworthy to carry out your wishes?   imp



Yes I do. I have one surviving son who knows the plan. He also has complete flexibility as to how he disposes of us.
The place is not important as long as we're together. Its all the same universe.
If he fails its no biggy. Just an idea that appealed to us. If it doesn't happen we're hardly going to get excited about it!  hwell:


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## Underock1 (Sep 28, 2015)

Linda said:


> Kadee46, I too am wondering about that "reuse" after 25 years.
> 
> I feel like I just wrote this somewhere on this forum a few days ago.  Cremation for us and we have never said where we want our ashes.  I think our kids are inventive enough to come up with something.  As I said a few days ago my brother's wife died about 10 years ago and she requested that part of her ashes would be scattered on the strip.  He went to one of the walking overpasses near the NewYorkNewYork and tossed some over.  (Yes, he knows it's illegal)
> 
> When our son died his son and he had planned a trip to Hawaii as our grandson had been there a few times with his mom and loved it.  The director at the mortuary told us human ashes appear a lot like (I forget what it's called but in a scan at the airport it could come up looking like some sort of explosive) so he filled out some official paperwork saying our grandson at some point plans to go ahead and take part of his dad to Hawaii.  So there will be no problems on the plane.  This was all news to me.  A friend of our son's gave us a dwarf lemon tree so we planted that in our front yard and put some of our son's ashes on that.  He loved the ocean so our grandson took some ashes to school with him in the bay area so he could leave some ashes in the ocean.  I know he and some friends went camping at Santa Cruiz so I'm guessing he left some up there too.  Our son was a truck driver for a few years and loved to travel so I put some ashes in tiny jewelry urns so he can travel when ever his siblings go on trips.  I also carry one in my purse at all times.  Of course the joke is on us as he was extremely interested in outer space and I think he is out there now checking out this water on Mars news and traveling all over the place.  Probably Hawaii or the Grand Canyon is old news to him.



That's great, Linda. Very creative. When my mother died, her ashes were also divided among us. Ours arrived in the mail in a Tupperware container decorated with flower stickers and *"MOM" *in big letters. :laugh:  We planted her under one of our Roses, with a small stone the size of an egg simply engraved "Mom".


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## Ralphy1 (Sep 29, 2015)

I was shocked by newsreels after the war showing the crematoriums in Grmany so burial is in my, hopefully, very distant future...


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## Underock1 (Sep 29, 2015)

Ralphy1 said:


> I was shocked by newsreels after the war showing the crematoriums in Grmany so burial is in my,
> hopefully, very distant future...



So pictures of the ovens were more shocking to you then the mountains of un-buried corpses? Not questioning your decision or reasoning. Just curious.


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## Ralphy1 (Sep 29, 2015)

Of course the soldier bulldozing bodies into a pit was equally disturbing, but that, thankfully, won't be my fate.  I can avoid the crematorium...


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## Ken N Tx (Sep 29, 2015)

Cremation for both of us...Found out a couple of years ago (when my brother passed) that the cremains can be buried with him and our parents..There is room for up to 5 more cremains but they must only be blood relatives such as our sons/daughters.


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## Underock1 (Sep 29, 2015)

Ralphy1 said:


> Of course the soldier bulldozing bodies into a pit was equally disturbing, but that, thankfully, won't be my fate.  I can avoid the crematorium...



Thanks for the reply, Ralphy, and for not taking my question the wrong way. I am always curious as to how we all look at the same circumstances and see different things. 

My own reason for choosing cremation is the idea of disappearing without a trace.
Don't want a site that those left behind feel guilty about not visiting, and will someday be vandalized or dug up for a parking lot.The physical treatment of the body after death is irrelevant to me. When you're dead, you're dead. The remaining flesh and bone are no different than the finger nail and hair clippings that we throw away every day.,,but that's just _my_ opinion.


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## Falcon (Sep 29, 2015)

All good points  Underock.


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## ndynt (Sep 29, 2015)

Agree, Underock.   I want to be cremated.  Do not equate the horrendous  Nazi crematoriums as being anywhere the same.  A choice for after death  vs body disposal methods, after mass gassings.  Sad how the terrible newsreel atrocities of  WWII remain in our minds after all these years.


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## jujube (Sep 29, 2015)

I scattered most of my husband's ashes at his favorite fishing spot....it was part of his memorial service.  My daughter took her portion and put them in a hole that she planted a tree in.  She says when she wants to mull over something, she goes out and "talks to the tree".    I have the remaining ashes in a fish-shaped bottle as a keepsake.  I also have my dad's and my grandmother's ashes in nice containers that I have held onto.  One of these days, when I am ready, I will finish scattering them in the right places.


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## Underock1 (Sep 29, 2015)

Falcon said:


> All good points  Underock.



Thanks, Falcon. You have to be careful with this stuff. It can be really important to people. Not interested in detracting from any views that others find comfortable.


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## Underock1 (Sep 29, 2015)

ndynt said:


> Agree, Underock.   I want to be cremated.  Do not equate the horrendous  Nazi crematoriums as being anywhere the same.  A choice for after death  vs body disposal methods, after mass gassings.  Sad how the terrible newsreel atrocities of  WWII remain in our minds after all these years.



Its easy when you have a TV channel almost entirely devoted to documentaries of Hitler and the Nazis. I see commercials for Auschwitz episodes a dozen times a day. On the plus side, it gives you hope to compare the Germany of that time to the Germany that is at the forefront of welcoming the fleeing immigrants today.


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## ndynt (Sep 29, 2015)

Underock1 said:


> Its easy when you have a TV channel almost entirely devoted to documentaries of Hitler and the Nazis. I see commercials for Auschwitz episodes a dozen times a day. On the plus side, it gives you hope to compare the Germany of that time to the Germany that is at the forefront of welcoming the fleeing immigrants today.


It was never the German people per se...rather the fanatical leader. Thankfully, I do not have nor would I watch that channel.  Although as a child I hid food under my pillow every night, in case the Germans came....the flashes I still have in my mind are from the Japanese soldiers, with babies on the ends of the bayonets, and the Burma march newsreels.


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## Underock1 (Sep 29, 2015)

ndynt said:


> It was never the German people per se...rather the fanatical leader. Thankfully, I do not have nor would I watch that channel.  Although as a child I hid food under my pillow every night, in case the Germans came....the flashes I still have in my mind are from the Japanese soldiers, with babies on the ends of the bayonets, and the Burma march newsreels.



Yes. That's pretty tough stuff to see. The radical Muslim problem is troubling, but I watch the international news programs from Germany and Japan ( in English ) and I think the world is making progress. I am happy in the times that I live.


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## Shirley (Sep 29, 2015)

I will be cremated and my ashes scattered to the winds; back to the universe from whence I came.


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## AZ Jim (Sep 29, 2015)

Shirley said:


> I will be cremated and my ashes scattered to the winds; back to the universe from whence I came.



My plan also hopefully I'll be dead first though.


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## Shirley (Sep 29, 2015)

Me, too, but I'm not in any rush about it.


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## AZ Jim (Sep 29, 2015)

Yeah....about that....I haven't decided on a date either.


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## fureverywhere (Sep 29, 2015)

jujube, that's lovely with the fishing spot! Exactly how I wish to be disposed of...ashes to ashes...I'm putting it in my will that I want my hubby, sons and best buddy to take the ashes up to the nature reserve and sprinkle a bit of me everywhere. They have to be careful not to be too obvious, the state troopers might look at them funny.


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## Underock1 (Sep 29, 2015)

I find it surprising how quickly (?) attitudes seem to have changed. So many on here seem to share my own view of burn me up and skip the fuss. Back in "my day" funerals were a huge deal. Three days viewing an open casket, everyone riding out to the interment in a cortege. If you missed any of the details, eyebrows were raised. In the aftermath you were supposed to visit the grave site at least once a month for a year or so, and then at least annually for life. The poor little Italian ladies in my neighborhood had to wear black for a year. With large families and the diseases prevalent back then, they never got out of black. My Mom was a rebel though. She always said "Just put me out with the garbage".


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## Davey Jones (Sep 29, 2015)

My wife and I brought a 2 person gravesite ,she died and was cremated. The youngest daughter died suddenly 6 years ago and was cremated and put in with her Mother at my request.  I don't know where the hell I'm going now.


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## Toyboyroy (Sep 29, 2015)

My two sons have been informed that we want to be cremated and scattered where we did most of our courting, under a certain tree by a certain brook.

The reason we have chosen this is... due to the cost of burial plots in the UK ( but I hasten to ad this is for 99yrs lease). and the fact that we do not want to burden our children in regards to the upkeep of such plot and also if they move away from the district they will not be duty bound to travel miles just to put a bunch of flowers on the grave at various times of the year.... Mothers day/Fathers day/Birthdays/Christmas/Palm Sunday etc. as we older people have been brought up to do as a sign of love and respect.



Simple is best in our eyes, were not religious, so consecrated grounds is not an issue.

Roy


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## imp (Sep 29, 2015)

*"but I hasten to ad this is for 99yrs lease"*

Here, burial plots traditionally have the stipulation "in perpetuity" tacked in with the legal ownership stuff. Reminds me of just how absolute is "perpetual".

Back in Mayor Richard Daley's glorious days in Chicago, the agreed-upon alignment for the new Congress Expressway tracked clean-through the Jewish Waldheim Cemetery in North Riverside. The survivors of those dead and buried there fought bitterly about digging up their kin, and moving their graves elsewhere. This, evidently, was a very serious "thorn" for the Jewish. Daley, exasperated, finally just ordered, "Dig 'em up!" And they were dug up, perpetuity or no.

True story. I saw it unfold.   imp


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## Linda (Sep 29, 2015)

imp said:


> *"but I hasten to ad this is for 99yrs lease"*
> 
> Here, burial plots traditionally have the stipulation "in perpetuity" tacked in with the legal ownership stuff. Reminds me of just how absolute is "perpetual".
> 
> ...


That sounds terrible imp.   I would have been very upset if one of my loved ones had been buried there.  I believe Jewish religious law forbids cremation but now a lot of them are opting for it anyway.


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## imp (Sep 29, 2015)

The Mayor possessed enormous power. Years later, his son became Mayor, but I've heard he was not as effective. The Senior Daley was instrumental in getting O'Hare Airport purchased by the city, and annexed as part of it, even though a dozen or so suburbs lie in between. Chicago's original airport, Midway, only one mile square, really was inadequate in capability as Chicagoland grew. Midway is still in use, and I prefer it when I travel there.   imp


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## jujube (Sep 29, 2015)

My maternal grandmother's last request to my mother was "Don't bury me with your father."   He made her life hard during their almost 50 years of marriage and I guess she didn't want him right there next door continuing the process.  So we had her cremated, scattered her ashes on her parents' graves and on the family farm and just had her name and dates chiseled on the double headstone.  Whatever makes you happy....


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## John C (Sep 29, 2015)

When my wife of 20 years passed away in 2008, I had to make that decision.  I was fortunate in finding a nearby cemetery which offered wall crypts.  I was very sad to have to decide, but I felt a little more comfortable with that option.  Because of that, the choice for myself is a crypt near hers.


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## Manatee (Sep 29, 2015)

We get cremated, ashes get scattered in the Gulf.

My parents are buried "up north", we haven't been up there in 20 years, probably will never be up there again.

Her mother is scattered in the Atlantic, her father is buried in the old country.


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## Ken N Tx (Sep 30, 2015)

My brother's wishes where to have his ashes scattered over our parents grave. I told his daughter that it would be best to have them buried instead. 

#1 I did not know if it was legal here and #2 he would be further scattered with the fist lawn mowing!!


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## IKE (Sep 30, 2015)

If it were me I'd do as your brother wants, I personally wouldn't worry about checking into the legality of it, I'd just do it.

I wouldn't make a big production out of spreading his ashes, just you and his daughter go to the cemetery and quietly do what he wanted.


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## Ken N Tx (Sep 30, 2015)

IKE said:


> If it were me I'd do as your brother wants, I personally wouldn't worry about checking into the legality of it, I'd just do it.
> 
> I wouldn't make a big production out of spreading his ashes, just you and his daughter go to the cemetery and quietly do what he wanted.



It is already done...We both felt that we did what he wanted and that was to be with our parents..


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## Toyboyroy (Sep 30, 2015)

imp said:


> *"but I hasten to ad this is for 99yrs lease"*
> 
> Here, burial plots traditionally have the stipulation "in perpetuity" tacked in with the legal ownership stuff. Reminds me of just how absolute is "perpetual".
> 
> ...




Our Cemetery in my Town in the  Rhondda S.Wales U.K. was created in 1881, before that, everyone was buried in the Church grounds.   Due to the opening of coal mines the population grew so fast and the amount of fatalities in the mines, Church Graveyards were fast becoming overcrowded hence the Council had to provide an alternative.

Now then, because of modernisation and the move with the times, a lot of our churches and graveyards have given way to the widening of roads and the remains have been exhumed and relocated to a modern cemetery. Unfortunately it seems you cannot stand in the way of progress.

Roy


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## jujube (Sep 30, 2015)

My family goes for cremation and party-type memorial services.  The boyfriend's family still goes for the big funerals with lots of visitation and graveside services....I know his sister's cost $23,000 altogether a couple of years ago, including the gravesite.  Money that nobody in the family had to spare.  I'm not sure if it even got paid, as her husband was a deadbeat and OD'd recently himself.

He wants the complete thing for himself and I told him he'd better make some sort of arrangements and talk to his sons about it (hah! I can see them pitching in on it........even if they wanted to, their wives would put the kibosh on THAT!) as I have no intention of paying for that sort of funeral.  That may sound hardhearted, but I'm not his wife (his choice) and it's not my responsibility.

My late husband's memorial service was three weeks after he died.  It gave everyone a chance for emotions to be less raw, everyone could find reasonable airfare to come down and we had a great party at his favorite fish camp.  It cost me about $1600 altogether and a good portion of that was food and beer.  There was a little crying and a lot of laughing when the stories started to be told.  I had it on a Sunday so nobody had to take off work.  I think he was there laughing with everyone else.   His sister later had a mass said for him (which he would not have been happy about, but it made her feel better.)


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## fishfulthinking (Sep 30, 2015)

I am down for the campfire as well   I would like my daughters to ensure I am mixed with my current husband and we are sprinkled in the mountains somewhere where all our kids can drop in from time to time and reflect


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## Linda (Sep 30, 2015)

jujube said:


> My family goes for cremation and party-type memorial services.  The boyfriend's family still goes for the big funerals with lots of visitation and graveside services....I know his sister's cost $23,000 altogether a couple of years ago, including the gravesite.  Money that nobody in the family had to spare.  I'm not sure if it even got paid, as her husband was a deadbeat and OD'd recently himself.
> 
> He wants the complete thing for himself and I told him he'd better make some sort of arrangements and talk to his sons about it (hah! I can see them pitching in on it........even if they wanted to, their wives would put the kibosh on THAT!) as I have no intention of paying for that sort of funeral.  That may sound hardhearted, but I'm not his wife (his choice) and it's not my responsibility.
> 
> My late husband's memorial service was three weeks after he died.  It gave everyone a chance for emotions to be less raw, everyone could find reasonable airfare to come down and we had a great party at his favorite fish camp.  It cost me about $1600 altogether and a good portion of that was food and beer.  There was a little crying and a lot of laughing when the stories started to be told.  I had it on a Sunday so nobody had to take off work.  I think he was there laughing with everyone else.   His sister later had a mass said for him (which he would not have been happy about, but it made her feel better.)


We also do the party type memorial.  Our son's was a BBQ memorial at his best friend's house where he happened to be when he died of a stroke.  There was a pond out back where he and his son had spent a lot of time boating and swimming through out the years.  His friend had us go in the house and watch a video taken back there several years ago of him paddling a boat around the pond.  It was a nice day and we met a lot of people we didn't know.  Some told us stories about him helping them and they were things he had never told us so they were nice to hear.  I don't think anyone in our family will go back to the more traditional funeral/burial.


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## fureverywhere (Sep 30, 2015)

I think it has a lot to do with family, faith and tradition. Something I never understood was why my Dad who has always been strongly for cremation decided on an open casket for my Mom. Maybe in his grief he just went with other's suggestions I don't know. It was ghastly though. If someone has been ill for quite some time they can't fix it. She was so pale and drawn when she died, I guess the undertaker tried to jazz her up a bit and did makeup she wouldn't be caught dead in. <<<cringe>>>

I want to remember someone in life, not as a stuffed painted body. Maybe some people find comfort but I didn't.


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## Lon (Sep 30, 2015)

Creamation & Scattering for me and preferably after I am dead.


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## Harley (Oct 1, 2015)

Cremation..I have 3 members of my family here, that were cremated, its comforting for me..


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## oakapple (Oct 3, 2015)

I would go for cremation, and I would like to be scattered over Donald Trump!:grin:


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## D&K (Oct 5, 2015)

Cremation: with ashes to be spread in the area of our favorite family vacationing site


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## Butterfly (Oct 6, 2015)

fureverywhere said:


> I think it has a lot to do with family, faith and tradition. Something I never understood was why my Dad who has always been strongly for cremation decided on an open casket for my Mom. Maybe in his grief he just went with other's suggestions I don't know. It was ghastly though. If someone has been ill for quite some time they can't fix it. She was so pale and drawn when she died, I guess the undertaker tried to jazz her up a bit and did makeup she wouldn't be caught dead in. <<<cringe>>>
> 
> I want to remember someone in life, not as a stuffed painted body. Maybe some people find comfort but I didn't.



I agree.  My father had an open casket thing, and he didn't look like himself at all.  Unfortunately, when I try to conjure up his face, the casket picture is what comes up.  I wish it wasn't. 

I buried my mother with a closed casket service.    I'll be cremated.


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## jujube (Oct 6, 2015)

The boyfriend's mother insisted on an open casket at his sister's funeral and it was a horrible sight.  Dying of a drug overdose does not make for an attractive corpse.


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## Grumpy Ol' Man (Oct 6, 2015)

I would prefer cremation, but my wife/family are not in agreement.  Our families traditionally have gone the casket/bury way and "that's the way it's supposed to be".  My wife has already purchased our cemetery plots.

I've worked many, many years "underground".  Working anywhere from 5 FT deep to 250 FT deep, one of the things we always have been aware of is a cave in.  I've been lucky enough to have survived these many years, but don't look forward to being "permanently" buried.  However, I won't know a thing about it.  So, it's not my wishes but what will make for the least angst amongst family when that time comes.


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