# How do you get a hoarder to take their stuff out of someone else's house?



## WhatInThe (Mar 23, 2014)

Senior family member on the verge of being left with a big problem/pile of crap to clean up. What started out as a favor to a friend has basically enabled their hoarding by allowing them to store stuff in their house while moving to a SMALLER place. It was supposedly a temporary move. This has been going on for well over a decade. The hoarder's house well looks like a hoarder's house minus obvious filth. More room can be made but I get excuses from both of them when offering to help clean up and reorganize. 

  It's not just a matter of throwing stuff out either. The local town only allows so many cans of trash per week and can't throw out bulky, heavy or hazardous materials all of which are in the hoarder's crap( included are boxes from her rock collection)-waste collection rules clearly state no stones or rocks thrown out in bulk quantities. And because of the quantities involved it would take throwing out a little at a time for months on end.  The family member has made little or no effort to get his friend over to take their stuff. I mentioned what I would do if someone got sick or died suddenly-throw it out and I caught holly heck.

 I want her to actually take her stuff to her housing complex or a storage unit which have commercial dumpsters. But she needs to take her stuff.  I'm one of the relatives that will inherit this mess but until I do-hopefully not for a long time I cannot push the issue. But it is an issue at the house. I'm afraid if either party's health gets too bad neither one will do anything with the mess. And family relatives will literally inherit a big mess.

Any ideas for subtle but effective hints to a hoarder?


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## Fern (Mar 23, 2014)

If it was my house, after 10 years and no response from the hoarder, I would make a start on cleaning up regardless. Enough is enough.


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## Happyflowerlady (Mar 23, 2014)

Fern said:


> If it was my house, after 10 years and no response from the hoarder, I would make a start on cleaning up regardless. Enough is enough.


I am with Fern on that ! Ten years is ridiculous, even when it is a family member. There is NO easy way out of this. You either have to force the issue, or keep on living with all the stuff. If being nice worked; it would have done so way before now. 
It is sad when someone uses family like this, and then acts like they are the mistreated one, when you want them to do what they were supposed to do long since.

I can really relate to what you are going through ! I am very easy-going, and have often gotten myself in a similar position when trying to help out someone that needed a place to stay, or something similar. 
Eventually, I have had enough; and when I have had enough, I have had too much, and it is all over.  

My DIL needed a place to stay while she found a rental; but she moved in, slept all day (while I watched her 5 year old), then sat up all nite watching TV, so I couldn't sleep with the noise. 
She didn't even make a serious attempt to find a house. 
Finally, I just told her, "the end of this month, you are out of here; I don't care where or how, but this is over."
She cried to everyone in the family what a terrible person I was, boo-hooed all over the place; but she found a rental  and moved.

It wasn't fun, it wasn't nice, but it worked. 
And since she know she didn't do what she should have done in the first place; it really didn't take her too long to get over it.


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## That Guy (Mar 23, 2014)




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## SifuPhil (Mar 23, 2014)

There are actually companies that specialize in clearing out hoarders - they toss the trash, recycle what they can and bring the rest either to a charity or to an auction house. Yes, they might be a bit costly, but it's nice in that they can do the job without your even being on the premises. 

I first saw them on that TV show _Hoarders_, and thought how wonderful it would have been to hire them when I was still married ...


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## drifter (Mar 23, 2014)

I can't help. I have a neighbor who is a hoarder. Last year I was looking for an old bike and was told by another neighbor the hoarder had one. I ask if I could look at their bike, I wanted to see the fenders. They said they had one if they could find it. Next day they told me they couldn't get to it. Their house is full with only trails leading through the house, I'm told. Also storing stuff in the front yard.


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## i_am_Lois (Mar 25, 2014)

I watch a lot of Judge Judy. Whenever she has a case where there is a dispute because someone has left property at someone else's home she always says the same thing. The person who's home is being used for storage should send a letter to the owner of the property saying they have X amount of time (3 weeks for example) to remove all the items. Judge Judy says that if the items are not picked up within that time frame specified, the person storing the items can do whatever they want with it... sell it, trash it, keep it for themselves.


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## That Guy (Mar 26, 2014)




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## WhatInThe (Mar 27, 2014)

Fern said:


> If it was my house, after 10 years and no response from the hoarder, I would make a start on cleaning up regardless. Enough is enough.



The problem is they are still friends. The hoarder has been full of excuses for over a decade. The person allowing the storage keeps on making excuses for them. But yes enough is enough. I've already dropped friendly hints to hoarder. But she is one of these people who pumps out hundred words for every 10 you speak so you have to be quick and to the point without upsetting them. I told her straight up at least with a storage unit you can get access to your stuff anytime you want and all of her stuff would be in one spot. At the house she has so much stuff it's in different rooms through out the house and has to ask the owner to get her box A or item B etc. Sometimes I think she keeps it there because she likes the attention.

The big issue now is her relatives and friends capable of helping her move are dying off. So the pool of people that can or will help her is diminishing rapidly. My biggest goal for now is get her to take any boxes with potential hazardous or illegal material then the boxes of what ever. I've even offered to help clean and arrange space at her house which she has started hinting she must do.  But she comes right back at me with I was told I could store there as long as needed( but not forever). 

I've tried working the owner and he keeps saying what's she going to do and doesn't want to see her place anymore crowded. In the meantime if something happens to either party someone will be left with a big pile of crap to clean up.


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## SifuPhil (Mar 27, 2014)

Hazardous and illegal materials?

I'll help!

Seriously, I'm amazed that they're still friends - it's often things such as this that end a friendship. 

I think this is what they used to call "enabling".


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## That Guy (Mar 27, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> I think this is what they used to call "enabling".



I can help you with that . . .


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## WhatInThe (Mar 28, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> Hazardous and illegal materials?
> 
> I'll help!
> 
> ...



Darn right the person storing her stuff is enabling. They think they are helping her by keeping her place less cluttered. But every time something comes to their house or stays at their house it is enabling because she never has to deal with her space or organizational issues along with getting rid of stuff by herself. This is stuff she hasn't looked at or used in decadeS. She really doesn't give that much in return either other than treating him to a meal at McDonalds or something.  

The potential hazardous material could lead to investigations and/or fines at least. She was always a scavenger at construction sites or dumps. She stored an appliance she found at a construction site having workers put it in her car and taking to some else's garage for storage until she found a taker-this is but one example. Actually a used appliance would be easier to get rid of than other stuff. For confidentiality reasons I don't want to go into detail but the stuff she says she did decades ago while scavenging is/was illegal and would raise questions. If I can get her to take the questionable boxes that would be a huge start. But the problem is actually getting her to do something on her end and have the store-er realize this is enough.

Personally I want to recommend a highly accessable storage unit. Organize and take what she wants. When leaving the storage unit inform them to clean unit and pay the fee. Most storage units will charge about a months rent to clean a unit.  That's cheaper and less hassle than having a professional crew come to her house which she doesn't want anyway.  Then one day when somebody comes for service call at her house or she needs an ambulance maybe then after being told in an official capacity to clean up or move out maybe then she take care of her mess.


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