# What is the fascination for grandchildren?



## fuzzybuddy (Mar 25, 2021)

I never had kids. So, having grandkids is out, too. Never having grandkids, I've always wonder what it was with grand parents, and grand children. I can understand the bond between a parent and a child. Yet, I've seen grandparents break the law to be with their grandkids. And I've seen all kinds of machinations for grandparents to get custody of them. Surprisingly, getting visiting rights for grandparents is a common legal battleground. Well, not having them, I've always wondered why there is this hunger to be with the next generation. What is the fascination for grandchildren?


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## RadishRose (Mar 25, 2021)

Unless you've raised and loved a child of your own it's impossible for me to explain it.

It's much more than having fun with them and handing them back to the parents when they get cranky.


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## katlupe (Mar 25, 2021)

I always wonder that myself. I have one child and he is disabled so I will never be a grandparent. It doesn't bother me in the least. I watched my own parents change so much when they became grandparents. I didn't recognize them at all. Especially my mother. Now I had a very close relationship with my grandmother but she was never like that to any of her grandchildren.


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## hollydolly (Mar 25, 2021)

katlupe said:


> I always wonder that myself. I have one child and he is disabled so I will never be a grandparent. It doesn't bother me in the least. I watched my own parents change so much when they became grandparents. I didn't recognize them at all. Especially my mother. Now I had a very close relationship with my grandmother but she was never like that to any of her grandchildren.


I don't have grandchildren either , my daughter is emphatic about never having children, so it will never happen, so like you I only have my relationship with my own grandparents to go by... I lived with my paternal grandmother for 2 years when I was little, but  much as she did her best, she was never the rosy faced grandparent , baking cookies, .. but after I left her and was eventually living back with my parents she'd often take us kids to the seaside for a day trip...or to the theatre to see a show, she only had a small pension so we'd be up in the Gods , but I loved her...


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## Murrmurr (Mar 25, 2021)

It's hard to put into words. There are multiple reasons. I think it starts with your awareness that, when the grandchild is born, your child likely experienced the level of love and feelings of responsibility that you experienced when they were born, and you're grateful (for lack of a better word) to the grandchild for giving your own child that experience. The relationship grows from there, but that initial feeling of immense gratitude is always at the root of it.


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## Don M. (Mar 25, 2021)

IMO, grandkids are the Reward parents have for the challenges of raising their own children.  While responsible parents constantly have to try to keep their kids headed down the right track, grandparents can "spoil them rotten, then send them home".  We're now regular participants in helping raise our 3rd generation, and it's quite nice.  When our daughters were working, my wife watched the grandkids almost daily, and they were a joy to have around the house.  Now that we have great-grandkids, we have the little one's with us a half dozen weekends per year, while their parents are taking a short weekend "break".  Those weekends are always a bunch of fun, and we really enjoy having the youngsters around.  Tomorrow afternoon, we will go pick up the oldest great-granddaughter, 15 years old, after school, and she will stay with us until Sunday evening.  She and my wife are "best friends" and we will probably have a real nice couple of days together.


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## Rosemarie (Mar 25, 2021)

I have three children but no grandchildren, so I have no experience. I do wonder why grandparents dote on their grandchildren so much. They seem to think they are perfect.


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## SetWave (Mar 25, 2021)

You either enjoy the company of children or you don't. I like interacting with people of all ages even cantankerous seniors.


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## DaveA (Mar 25, 2021)

RadishRose said:


> Unless you've raised and loved a child of your own it's impossible for me to explain it.
> 
> It's much more than having fun with them and handing them back to the parents when they get cranky.


And that's the story in a nutshell !  Perfect explanation.  You get (as a grandparent) all of the enjoyment and foolishness that you can share with a grandchild, without the responsibilities for teaching and disciplining that you  (as a parent) had with  your own kids.

I can't speak to messed up families with divorces and custody battles, and all the rest that goes with dysfunctional folks.  That's another story entirely.

We're now enjoying the next level of young ones at present.  Nine great grands and they all live within easy driving distance so the fun never ends but the responsibilities do !


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## officerripley (Mar 25, 2021)

Wow, kids who have you all for grandparents are so lucky. I can't imagine having grandparents like that--although I noticed other kids at school who did--I got 1 crazy grandmother who wanted custody of all her grands but luckily didn't get since she would've made us crazy like she did my dad, and the other set of grandparents couldn't care less about us kids, didn't want to be bothered.


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## SetWave (Mar 25, 2021)

My mom didn't want to be bothered with her own kids nonetheless her grandkids. She was very selfish and we were to behave, stay out of the way and put on a good show for her bridge club.


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## jujube (Mar 25, 2021)

Grandchildren are God's gift to us for allowing our children to reach adulthood without smothering them in their teens.....LOL.

I had two sets of wonderful grandparents and spent a lot of time with them.  I learned a huge amount from them.  I've tried to pass that down to my granddaughters and great-granddaughters.  It's my reward and my obligation to be a good grandmother.


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## Jeweltea (Mar 25, 2021)

I was actually thinking of this the other day. I did not have children either so no grandchildren for me. My mother was older when she had me so three of my four grandparents were dead by the time I was born. My remaining grandmother was not loving at all. In fact, I was afraid of her. She died when I was 10 so I guess it is hard for me to understand.


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## hollydolly (Mar 25, 2021)

officerripley said:


> Wow, kids who have you all for grandparents are so lucky. I can't imagine having grandparents like that--although I noticed other kids at school who did--I got 1 crazy grandmother who wanted custody of all her grands but luckily didn't get since she would've made us crazy like she did my dad, a*nd the other set of grandparents couldn't care less about us kids, didn't want to be bothered.*



My maternal grandparents were like that. We lived just around the corner from them until I was around 7 years old  , and only once in my recollection did my grandmother only, come to visit... ..I think it broke my mother's heart because she'd been given away to an orphanage when she was a toddler and raised by abusive nuns.. so I think she thought her  mum  and dad would be happy to have her near them now she was an adult.. but no...


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## officerripley (Mar 25, 2021)

hollydolly said:


> My maternal grandparents were like that. We lived just around the corner from them until I was around 7 years old  , and only once in my recollection did my grandmother only, come to visit... ..I think it broke my mother's heart because she'd been given away to an orphanage when she was a toddler and raised by abusive nuns.. so I think she thought her  mum  and dad would be happy to have her near them now she was an adult.. but no...


I guess it just shows that, as not all people are cut out to be parents, neither are all people cut out to be grandparents; sad but really true, I think.


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## hollydolly (Mar 25, 2021)

officerripley said:


> I guess it just shows that, as not all people are cut out to be parents, neither are all people cut out to be grandparents; sad but really true, I think.


I totally agree, just a shame they never thought of that while they were churning out 9.....


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## katlupe (Mar 25, 2021)

My bf in a way, has shown me a little about being a grandparent. He has a huge family and is close to not only his 3 children, but all of his grandchildren and their children. In fact, he babysits his great grandson due to going to kindergarten on the computer. He truly enjoys them all. In fact, one of his grandsons is more like a real son to him than his son is. His relationship with his grandchildren is nothing like the way my mother was with her grandchildren. She let them do whatever they wanted (not my son, he was with me) and they turned out horrible. Their father, my brother doesn't even see them now. I think they would have been good children if it hadn't been for my mother and their own mother (she didn't want them). I think my feelings about grandchildren may be affected by my niece and nephew and what life was like with them. 

I want to add that my grandmother did not spoil us or buy us stuff, but no matter what she loved all her grandchildren and it showed.


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## ohioboy (Mar 25, 2021)

fuzzybuddy said:


> I never had kids. So, having grandkids is out, too. Never having grandkids, I've always wonder what it was with grand parents, and grand children. I can understand the bond between a parent and a child. Yet, I've seen grandparents break the law to be with their grandkids. And I've seen all kinds of machinations for grandparents to get custody of them. Surprisingly, getting visiting rights for grandparents is a common legal battleground



The U.S. Supreme court has ruled Grandparent's have no Constitutional right to see their grandkids unless the parent (s) agree. So the legalties stem from that.


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## Jules (Mar 26, 2021)

I adored my grandmother.  We spent all summer at her place.  She let me dip the apple slices in sugar & cinnamon when she was making a pie.

Quite honestly none of mine live near me and I‘m not used to having six kids around.  The youngest is 11 now so it’s not an issue.  I desperately want to go see them but I know we aren’t close the way I was with my grandmother.


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## Gary O' (Mar 26, 2021)

fuzzybuddy said:


> I've always wondered why there is this hunger to be with the next generation.
> 
> 
> fuzzybuddy said:
> ...


For me, this reads different

I have 17 grands and a couple greats

I have no fascination for these tiny gooey fingered beings

But

They seem to have an attraction to this grump-ass
After gramma gets done with 'em, they gravitate my way
Under foot
A gazillion questions
They eat up my favorite food
Want to touch my stuff, my keepsakes
.....aaaand they mess up my tools

Little bass turds

And

I love 'em so

We raised two of 'em

The rewards keep coming from that endeavor



fuzzybuddy said:


> What is the fascination for grandchildren?



Heh
Guess it may culminate in keeping touch with the perpetuation of life itself



Now, if I can just find my favorite hammer one of their grubby little hands left in the yard..............


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## ohioboy (Mar 26, 2021)

The Children's Hour​BY HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW
Between the dark and the daylight,
      When the night is beginning to lower,
Comes a pause in the day's occupations,
      That is known as the Children's Hour.

I hear in the chamber above me
      The patter of little feet,
The sound of a door that is opened,
      And voices soft and sweet.

From my study I see in the lamplight,
      Descending the broad hall stair,
Grave Alice, and laughing Allegra,
      And Edith with golden hair.

A whisper, and then a silence:
      Yet I know by their merry eyes
They are plotting and planning together
      To take me by surprise.

A sudden rush from the stairway,
      A sudden raid from the hall!
By three doors left unguarded
      They enter my castle wall!

They climb up into my turret
      O'er the arms and back of my chair;
If I try to escape, they surround me;
      They seem to be everywhere.

They almost devour me with kisses,
      Their arms about me entwine,
Till I think of the Bishop of Bingen
      In his Mouse-Tower on the Rhine!

Do you think, O blue-eyed banditti,
      Because you have scaled the wall,
Such an old mustache as I am
      Is not a match for you all!

I have you fast in my fortress,
      And will not let you depart,
But put you down into the dungeon
      In the round-tower of my heart.

And there will I keep you forever,
      Yes, forever and a day,
Till the walls shall crumble to ruin,
      And moulder in dust away!


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## Kathleen’s Place (Mar 26, 2021)

My grandpa lived with us while I was growing up, andI absolutely adored him. He never disciplined us, but we “knew” to be good when with him.  We’d go on walks, he told us stories about his life, we’d play cards, listen to badeball games on the radio, fetch his pipe for him, help pull him up from the chair. He loved us, pure and simple, and we loved him right back.

Having children is one thing. It’s beautiful and magical, sad at times, messy at times, frustrating at times, tiring at times, worrisome almost always.

But when your kids have kids...wow!!!! They are almost like pets because they love you no matter what. You are”Grandma” or “Grandpa,” put on earth for the sole purpose to simply love them. 
You get to play with them, make memories with them. You are a presence in their life like no other.

I guess I don’t know how to explain it either. It’s just pretty gosh darn wonderful for some unexplainable reason


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## Glowworm (Mar 26, 2021)

Kathleen’s Place said:


> Having children is one thing. It’s beautiful and magical, sad at times, messy at times, frustrating at times, tiring at times, worrisome almost always.
> 
> But when your kids have kids...wow!!!! They are almost like pets because they love you no matter what. You are”Grandma” or “Grandpa,” put on earth for the sole purpose to simply love them.
> You get to play with them, make memories with them. You are a presence in their life like no other.
> ...


I think you summed it up pretty well there Kathleen


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## Liberty (Mar 26, 2021)

Think there is an inherent natural bond between the young and the old.  Like both ends of a string, bring 
them around  together and you have the circle of life.


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## Aneeda72 (Mar 26, 2021)

Grandchildren are wonderful and great grandchildren are even better.  You have the love, fun, and joy without the drudgery of discipline and responsibility.  I agree with everything positive everyone has said, but I will add.  Grandchildren teach your children the reasons why you acted a certain way and did a certain thing.

Your children learn, through the experience of raising their children, the challenges, heartaches and joys of parenthood.  As your children grow in experience, knowledge, and understanding; their relationship with you changes for the better and their old childhood resentments fall by the way side.

Your relationship with your adult children matures, , they finally see you as not only parents, but people.  My daughter always asked me “how could I have let her move out when she was 18”; something she regretted.  My response was always “how could I stop you?”

After her daughters left and made bad choices, she finally understood.


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## caroln (Mar 26, 2021)

Liberty said:


> Think there is an inherent natural bond between the young and the old.  Like both ends of a string, bring
> them around  together and you have the circle of life.


What a nice thought!


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## Sassycakes (Mar 26, 2021)

I have 3 grandchildren and I love them with all my heart. I can't go a day without speaking to them. One is 24, one is 22 and one is 10. I fell in love with them the moment they were born and the love grows every minute.


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## Pappy (Mar 26, 2021)

Raised 3 wonderful children. That went on to be 9 grandchildren. And, now, as of today, I don’t know about tomorrow, there are 17 greats. Here is some of them, but not all.


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## RubyK (Mar 26, 2021)

My 10 year old twin grandsons and they make me happy. I enjoy their company. I never knew my grandparents and want my grandsons to have memories of me. I've participated in chat boards for many years and like to hear adults relate memories of grandparents which they have carried through life.


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## Judycat (Mar 26, 2021)

I try to see mine once a month and attend their birthdays and other events. It's a big deal when I show up. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, in my case. I like them, but don't have the energy to spend more than two hours with them. The parents send pictures and videos in between. This morning my son was painting his daughter's nails. My dad would never have done something like that. He was someone you sort of observed from a safe distance.


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## Glowworm (Mar 26, 2021)

Everyone is different but two hours is definitely too short a time for me. I love having them sleep over. When my grandsons come we always have to make sushi which we all love. Now of course we can't see them so often but we Facetime every day. My four year old granddaughter can't understand why we can't meet. When her mummy says it's because of corona she says "But I haven't got Corona" Almost breaks my heart


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## Aneeda72 (Mar 26, 2021)

Due to my medical issues they all stay away, but now I am vaccinated and now they can get vaccinated so the not seeing some of them should end shortly.  . Otherwise I zoom, well, they zoom, and I join zoom so I am a zoom great grandmother.  

Nothing like watching a 2 year old have a temper tantrum for an hour while her mother says, “see how she acts”, “yes dear, she takes after you.”


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## Dana (Mar 27, 2021)

_.
I can't imagine any greater gift than grandchildren... words cannot describe the joy ours give us..._


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## horseless carriage (Mar 27, 2021)

There is something magical about childbirth and children. Every new parent behaves like they are the first to do it. They take hundreds of photos, they can hardly wait to show them off, their joy is endless. Social media is full of baby photos and parental comments. Is it any wonder that the birth of a first grandchild is almost even more joyful. Happy grandparents pose with their grandchild, happy reminisces are prompted and baby is smothered with love. It's a scene repeated everywhere. Happy families.


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## Meanderer (Mar 27, 2021)




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## Meanderer (Mar 27, 2021)

4 Money Mistakes Even Good Grandparents Make With Their Grandkids  (link)​


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## OneEyedDiva (Mar 27, 2021)

Others are right. It's hard to explain. But grandchildren light up our lives with more joy, pride and love. We get to see them grow from adorable, cuddly babies that we don't have to stay up nights with or change tons of diapers for, to cute, active toddlers who we get to send home with their parents after they wear us out, to young adults ripe to form special bonds with to adults who will hopefully make us proud. My first grand baby was full term but still born. He was the spitting image of my son. Subsequently he produced five more children, the oldest 32 the youngest 16, all of whom are smart, beautiful, loving, fun young people who are closely bonded with me.


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## JustBonee (Mar 27, 2021)

I too   feel there is a special strong  bond with grandchildren that just is  different from  the love you have for your own children.  
Can't explain it.


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## Meanderer (Mar 27, 2021)

As a young father, I remember how my parents lived out their role as grandparents.  I remember the many group photos of them, surrounded by the grandchildren.....who numbered 16!  I remember the number, because my sister had given them a needle-work pattern with 12 ovals, that were to be filled in with the names.  The last four had their own smaller pattern. 

My Mom died at the age of 58, and left a huge void.  My Dad lived to be 90, but in the last ten years of his life, seemed to be more engaged with his children, than his grandchildren.  He loved them, but they had become a kind of puzzle....sort of like a foreign currency.  (My words, not his).  The two exceptions being my sister's twin boys, who faithfully kept in touch by cards, notes and letters, right up til his death.

After 50 years of marriage, my Wife and I have 8 grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren.  My Wife is at the center, and I am just hanging on.


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## Meanderer (Mar 29, 2021)

Meanderer said:


> The two exceptions being my sister's twin boys, who faithfully kept in touch by cards, notes and letters, right up til his death.


Here is the photo that dad carried in his wallet.


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## Aneeda72 (Mar 29, 2021)

Bonnie said:


> I too   feel there is a special strong  bond with grandchildren that just is  different from  the love you have for your own children.
> Can't explain it.


I think grandchild love is a more pure love.  We love our children and this is a testable biological situation which is why fathers are allowed in the delivery rooms now.  If the men are there, they bond more completely with the baby, bonding equals love.

The bond with grandchildren, for many, is not effected by time or distance.  We simply love them because they are there and, for the most part, have no expectations as to who they become.  Those little ones we simply want healthy and happy.  Allows us to spoil them rotten.  . Makes a more enjoyable child raising experience for us all.  IMO.


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## gennie (Mar 29, 2021)

If you have to ask, you'll probably never understand it.  

For many children, it is the only truly *unconditional *love they ever get.  Grandparents love you simply because you exist.


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## Glowworm (Mar 29, 2021)

gennie said:


> If you have to ask, you'll probably never understand it.
> 
> For many children, it is the only truly *unconditional *love they ever get.  Grandparents love you simply because you exist.


Couldn't agree with you more gennie


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## RobinWren (Mar 30, 2021)

Pappy said:


> Raised 3 wonderful children. That went on to be 9 grandchildren. And, now, as of today, I don’t know about tomorrow, there are 17 greats. Here is some of them, but not all.
> 
> View attachment 156745


you are blessed


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## PamfromTx (Mar 30, 2021)

Glowworm said:


> I think you summed it up pretty well there Kathleen


Perfectly said @Kathleen’s Place


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## RobinWren (Mar 30, 2021)

I would love to have been part of my grandchilds life but fate intervened and there was no turning back. We live at opposite ends of the country with only the occasional visit.  She is now grown up but I do not feel close to her. With my other grandchild we had hoped to play a bigger part in his life but covid happened. We have facetime so I am grateful for that and hopefully I'll be able to give him a hug sometime in the not too distant future.


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## Ruth n Jersey (Mar 30, 2021)

Grandkids are the icing on the cake. I was very close to my grandparents. They lived next door and they were like a second set of parents.
I love being with my grandkids ages 11 and 13. They sit and talk to me about things that are going on in their lives and because I do not judge, offer advice or discipline them they know its between me and them so they really open up with the most hilarious stories.
Of course if they told me something troubling I'd let the parents know and they would handle it without my involvement and I would never undermine  their authority. 
As grandparents you get all the good stuff and leave the child rearing to the parents.


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## Aneeda72 (Mar 31, 2021)

RobinWren said:


> I would love to have been part of my grandchilds life but fate intervened and there was no turning back. We live at opposite ends of the country with only the occasional visit.  She is now grown up but I do not feel close to her. With my other grandchild we had hoped to play a bigger part in his life but covid happened. We have facetime so I am grateful for that and hopefully I'll be able to give him a hug sometime in the not too distant future.


I have two great grandchildren who live not very far away and never hear from them except to be reminded, by their mother my granddaughter, when a holiday is coming up so I can give money.

I bought everything for my granddaughter’s first child as her mother and her family, that this child was close to, would not help.  Rarely saw them after my purchases but she saw the her family often.  Second time she got pregnant, she and husband at my door again.

We need baby stuff.  “Where’s what I already bought you before?”  Oh, we gave it away.  “Best get it back”.  Lesson learned.  2018 I took granddaughter and both great grandchildren to Disneyland, paid for the whole thing.  They’ve continued to only call me when it’s “money” time.    Sometimes things never work out even when you live close.


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## RobinWren (Mar 31, 2021)

Aneeda72 said:


> I have two great grandchildren who live not very far away and never hear from them except to be reminded, by their mother my granddaughter, when a holiday is coming up so I can give money.
> 
> I bought everything for my granddaughter’s first child as her mother and her family, that this child was close to, would not help.  Rarely saw them after my purchases but she saw the her family often.  Second time she got pregnant, she and husband at my door again.
> 
> We need baby stuff.  “Where’s what I already bought you before?”  Oh, we gave it away.  “Best get it back”.  Lesson learned.  2018 I took granddaughter and both great grandchildren to Disneyland, paid for the whole thing.  They’ve continued to only call me when it’s “money” time.    Sometimes things never work out even when you live close.


That's another story, one which I hear frequently . We have to learn to say no, easier said than done.


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## Autumn72 (Apr 1, 2021)

Rosemarie said:


> I have three children but no grandchildren, so I have no experience. I do wonder why grandparents dote on their grandchildren so much. They seem to think they are perfect.


Loneliness not working too many hours alone and like many say with having their own gives the awards of reliving youthful everythings.


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## Rosemarie (Apr 1, 2021)

Autumn72 said:


> Loneliness not working too many hours alone and like many say with having their own gives the awards of reliving youthful everythings.


Yes, I can understand that. Children can benefit from the free time which grandparents have. When I had my own children, I spent time with them, taking them out and sharing things things with them. If I had grandchildren, I would be doing the same with them.
At the moment, I'm making a miniature garden and it's something which a child would enjoy.


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## fmdog44 (Apr 1, 2021)

"A child is a me. A grandchild is a mini-me.
                                                  -Unknown


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## Warrigal (Apr 2, 2021)

When my first grandchild was born I told my daughter that I was the mother of the mother, and my role was to help her to raise her child. Little did either of us know that my granddaughter has a genetic variation that caused her to require the support of both of us as long as we live. My relationship with my eldest grandchild is ongoing and very special.

I have 5 other grand children and I am proud of them all. They have all turned out to be decent men and women and I know that they love Hubby and I. As children they spent a lot of time with us in our home, the local park, having swimming lessons and learning to drive. I believe we have imprinted them with family values of love, commitment and responsibility. My job is done.

The next generation has begun. We have a great grandson now and he has three great grandmothers, one great grandfather (Hubby). two grandmothers, one grandfather, and a swag of aunties and uncles. During COVID times I saw him infrequently in the flesh but Facebook kept me in touch with photos and short videos. He will soon be two years old and is an absolute delight to be around. I am happy to remain in the back row of his extended family because it is unlikely that I will live to see him grow up. If he remembers me fondly as a benevolent presence, that is all that I ask. 

I have enough money to be generous to his mother, making sure that she has some money to spend on herself. Before the birth I took her shopping for maternity clothes, afterwards I gave her money to buy new clothes so that she could feel presentable and attractive. She asks for nothing but I still remember what it feels like to always put others before yourself when money is tight. 

My relationship with each of my three grand daughters is different but in each case is one of mutual love. I love the three boys too but they are less attentive. We only have to make a phone call though and they are all here to help their grandfather with some work around the home. When we have a family get together, the six grandchildren plus their six partners enjoy each others company, playing games and making music. My heart sings with joy to see them still in close relationship with each other.


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## Meanderer (Apr 2, 2021)

Your grandchildren are the fruit of your fruit!


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