# Question about Parking - how would you handle it?



## palides2021 (May 13, 2022)

I will be visiting my mother next week for a 3-week vacation in Florida. We had planned to stay with her in her house. Since our last visit, my nephew decided to move from his dwelling, and in the process, left a whole bunch of stuff in her garage (filled it up) and placed 2 non-working cars in her driveway (also, in the back). There is no other parking spot than on her small front lawn. I have, more than once, told my mom and my nephew's mom, that I will need to park my car in the driveway. Nothing has been done to move those cars, with the excuse that my nephew has no funds to move them (and the expectation that I will pay to move them). If it were you, would you be comfortable parking on the grass? I told my mom it's ok, not to worry, we can stay at a hotel, but she would have none of it. I appreciate your thoughts on this. Thanks.


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## MountainRa (May 13, 2022)

This makes me mad on your behalf!
 Don’t really have any advice. But if they see you are willing to park on the grass they will never be motivated to move a thing. 

you could call someone to haul away the junk cars but I understand most reputable businesses will not remove the cars unless you can produce a car title.


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## palides2021 (May 13, 2022)

MountainRa said:


> This makes me mad on your behalf!
> Don’t really have any advice. But if they see you are willing to park on the grass they will never be motivated to move a thing.
> 
> you could call someone to haul away the junk cars but I understand most reputable businesses will not remove the cars unless you can produce a car title.


Thanks, MountainRa. I feel angry mostly for my mother because I think she's too nice to say no. The purpose for our trip was to spend quality time with her and to help her out, but we will leave in three weeks. She has to rely on my sister and her family for help when we're gone. I don't want to rock the boat, but I feel sad that this is even happening.


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## Alligatorob (May 13, 2022)

palides2021 said:


> If it were you, would you be comfortable parking on the grass?


That is probably what I would do.  Keeping the family peace is important.

Does your mother want your nephew's things moved?  Unless she feels strongly about that I'd do my best to let sleeping dogs lie...

If the cars are junk and your nephew wants them moved it is pretty easy, people will usually haul them away for free, sometimes even pay a little.


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## palides2021 (May 13, 2022)

Alligatorob said:


> That is probably what I would do.  Keeping the family peace is important.
> 
> Does your mother want your nephew's things moved?  Unless she feels strongly about that I'd do my best to let sleeping dogs lie...


Good question! If she felt strongly about it, she would have gotten rid of them a long time ago. Her complaint is that she's doing all this for her nephew and he doesn't even call or visit. That's another story. I honestly think this is a form of elder abuse -  but I might be wrong.


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## Jules (May 13, 2022)

palides2021 said:


> I honestly think this is a form of elder abuse - but I might be wrong.


Agreed.

How old is your mother?  
Is she feeling insecure and accepting of being taken advantage of?
Is this devaluing her property?
How do the neighbours feel?
Your aunt should do something about this?

Aren’t there charities that give a tax receipt when they take away an old vehicle?

Is it time for your mom to consider moving to a seniors’ residence?


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## dseag2 (May 13, 2022)

@palides2021 I don't really have any advice other than what you've been given... best not to rock the boat.  I'm so sorry you're having to face this situation with your nephew but at this point in your mother's life it is probably best to let sleeping dogs lie.  I know she will enjoy her time with you regardless.  

I hope you enjoy Tarpon Springs and especially the time with your dear mother.  I will live vicariously through you as you talk about the Souvlaki, Baklava and Dolmadakia you are enjoying!


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## palides2021 (May 13, 2022)

Jules said:


> Agreed.
> 
> How old is your mother?
> Is she feeling insecure and accepting of being taken advantage of?
> ...


My mother will be 88 this year. I think it's a "yes" for the second question. I'm pretty sure it's devaluing her property. I have helped her so many times in paying things that needed done on her house, like roof, water heater, etc. and no one else in  my family has helped her in that way. I don't know where she would have been if I hadn't helped her. Today when I was talking to her, I found out they moved their stuff in when she was in the hospital last year. What, did they think she was going to die? Her friends that used to come and visit don't come anymore like they used to. She used to hang out in the garage with her friends when they'd visit. Now she doesn't have the garage to use because it's filled with stuff. 

My mom has mentioned a senior's residence many times lately, but I feel strongly against it, and would prefer her staying with one of us kids instead. I have asked her many times to come live with me but she always keeps saying "and what about the house?" so I think she's not ready to let go of it.

My nephew is married - why doesn't he ask his parents or -in-laws to help out with these cars sitting in my mother's driveway?

Many times my sister and family have asked my mom to go stay with them and have one of their sons live in her house....hmmm...but I think she's still got enough juice to keep going (she can still do her chores, and cook, and wash clothes, and her mind is still sharp). Oh well, I hope I'm not making a mountain out of a mole hill!


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## palides2021 (May 13, 2022)

dseag2 said:


> @palides2021 I don't really have any advice other than what you've been given... best not to rock the boat.  I'm so sorry you're having to face this situation with your nephew but at this point in your mother's life it is probably best to let sleeping dogs lie.  I know she will enjoy her time with you regardless.
> 
> I hope you enjoy Tarpon Springs and especially the time with your dear mother.  I will live vicariously through you as you talk about the Souvlaki, Baklava and Dolmadakia you are enjoying!


Thanks, @dseag2, for your thoughts and for reminding me to focus on the good things of the trip! I will try and share photos when I get a chance!


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## Alligatorob (May 14, 2022)

dseag2 said:


> I will live vicariously through you as you talk about the Souvlaki, Baklava and Dolmadakia you are enjoying!


Me too!  I have not been back in years, Tarpon is a nice place.


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## Chet (May 14, 2022)

Parking on a lawn after rain will probably leave ruts and after 3 weeks, her lawn might be a mess. Give the nephew an ultimatum. Your mom's property is not a junk yard. Move them or have them moved. Another thing you can resort to is get one of the junks on the lawn. It shouldn't leave ruts if it just sits and any killed grass will grow back..


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## OneEyedDiva (May 14, 2022)

I'm so sorry you have found yourself (and your mom) in this situation! It reminds me (in a way) of my nephew-in-law who had left a bunch of junk in my sister's garage when he and my niece moved. But my sister is one who is not afraid of confrontation and made it clear that he had to move the stuff out by a certain time or else. 

If you have to park on the grass rather than cause turmoil within the family, then so be it. But I can't believe how callous, ungrateful and unhelpful your nephew and is mother are being. It makes me angry when people are like that.


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## C50 (May 14, 2022)

First I say visit with your mom and just park on the grass.  Don't upset your mom by causing waves, don't upset her by trying to force her into an action you want.  Enjoy the visit, don't mention the cars or the junk in the garage.

Then after the visit....time to become an advocate for your mom and make sure she isn't taken advantage of.  Pound on the nephew and his parents to get his junk off her property, storing stuff for a month is one thing, leaving it there crosses the line.  Check local ordinances or HOA rules about abdoned vehicles,  use those rules as leverage to force the removal of the cars.  Junk in the garage, thirty days or it goes in the dumpster

Keep in mind your mom has to want the stuff gone, if she's OK with it then you need to leave it be.


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## Alligatorob (May 14, 2022)

Chet said:


> Parking on a lawn after rain will probably leave ruts and after 3 weeks, her lawn might be a mess.


Tarpon Springs is mostly sand and limestone, little mud.  I parked on my lawn in Florida for many years, you will probably be ok.  

Couldn't do it in a lot of places...


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## JustBonee (May 14, 2022)

C50 said:


> Then after the visit....time to become an advocate for your mom and make sure she isn't taken advantage of.  Pound on the nephew and his parents to get his junk off her property, storing stuff for a month is one thing, leaving it there crosses the line.  Check local ordinances or HOA rules about abdoned vehicles,  use those rules as leverage to force the removal of the cars.  Junk in the garage, thirty days or it goes in the dumpster
> 
> Keep in mind your mom has to want the stuff gone, if she's OK with it then you need to leave it be.



Good point about  the HOA rules .. if that is something she has to abide with ...  they could be your answer.


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## Bella (May 14, 2022)

I'm sorry you have to deal with this when all you want to do is have a nice visit with your mom and help her out. I agree with what others have said. Just park on the grass. Your nephew is a selfish, inconsiderate jerk. That's no news to you. He didn't ask his parents or in-laws to help out with storing his cars or junk because it was easier to take advantage of your mom. He didn't even bother to ask her and just moved it in when she was in the hospital. Wow. Furthermore, he's trying to take advantage of you as well by refusing to remove his cars because "he doesn't have the funds". You shouldn't have to go to the expense of removing anything. It's his responsibility.

Your mom misses you and doesn't want you to stay at a hotel because she wants to spend as much time with you as she possibly can. If your mom is OK with all this, I say just choke it down and let it go. For the time being, there's nothing you can say that's going to get your nephew to do anything. He doesn't care about how you feel, what you want, how your mom feels, or what the right thing to do is.

I know you don't want to rock the boat, but eventually you might have to. If the cars are still there by the time she's ready to move, you might have to do something about them. There's no question they're an eyesore and will affect her property value. Which county your Mom lives in will depend on what can be done about having your nephews' junk cars removed. It depends on county law and what designates a junk vehicle. Is it operable? Does it at least start? In some countries, an inoperable vehicle has to be stored out of public view. It's worth looking into if your Mom wouldn't be upset with the cars being forcibly removed, which would be at your nephew's expense. Of course, this is all a moot point if the eventual plan is for her to move in with you or your sister. It seems like they want your nephew to live in her home when she vacates.

That's all I've got. I wish you a safe trip and a lovely visit. Let us know how it goes.

Bella


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## fuzzybuddy (May 14, 2022)

If your mother and nephew have no problem with you parking on the grass, why should you? I doubt the parking situation is not what is really bugging you. .Maybe you are concerned your mom is being taken advantage by your nephew. You might be right, but even if you are, it's your mother's property. It's her decision to do what she wants with her property. As far as the nephew is concerned, maybe a trip to an attorney  to protect your mom's interests wouldn't hurt.


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## Jules (May 14, 2022)

Bella said:


> It seems like they want your nephew to live in her home when she vacates.


Yes, it does.  



fuzzybuddy said:


> Maybe you are concerned your mom is being taken advantage by your nephew. You might be right, but even if you are, it's your mother's property. It's her decision to do what she wants with her property.


If her decision is based on fear of being neglected by family, this is a form of elder abuse.


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## katlupe (May 14, 2022)

It is elder abuse and they are taking advantage of her. I went through almost this same issue with my father and my niece and her boyfriend. It should be taken care before your mother's health is affected by the stress of the situation. They are like buzzards. Maybe getting some assistance from the local adult protective services would help.


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## palides2021 (May 14, 2022)

Thanks, everyone! You all made good points and gave me food for thought. I will take it a day at a time.


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## jet (May 14, 2022)

park on the grass,then see how things pan out


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## OneEyedDiva (May 14, 2022)

palides2021 said:


> Thanks, everyone! You all made good points and gave me food for thought. I will take it a day at a time.


I agree, there were some good suggestions here. I just hope you are able to get lots of enjoyment during your visit my friend.


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## palides2021 (May 20, 2022)

Latest update - didn't make it to Florida - yet - because my son has Covid. Got it while at school. Came home Monday. Tested positive Tuesday. So staying put for now. Meanwhile, nephew has cleared up the driveway for me. Praying I don't get Covid (again). Feeling like I'm in limbo right now.


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## hollydolly (May 20, 2022)

palides2021 said:


> Latest update - didn't make it to Florida - yet - because my son has Covid. Got it while at school. Came home Monday. Tested positive Tuesday. So staying put for now. Meanwhile, nephew has cleared up the driveway for me. Praying I don't get Covid (again). Feeling like I'm in limbo right now.


Bad news about son and covid, hopefully he will have the mild version and you won't catch it. Good news about the nephew clearing the driveway, what prompted him ?


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## palides2021 (May 20, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> Bad news about son and covid, hopefully he will have the mild version and you won't catch it. Good news about the nephew clearing the driveway, what prompted him ?


I do think he has the lighter version because his fever broke and other than his cough and lethargy, he's eating ok. We're still keeping our distances for a few more days, just to be sure!

I told my mom (after I checked it out online) that she could get fined for having inoperable vehicles on her property. She told my nephew in a nice way (without saying the source) and that did the trick. Sometimes a little nudge helps.


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