# Is it Odd to have a good relationship with your Son's Ex wife



## Sassycakes (Oct 17, 2017)

I was just talking to an old friend of mine and she was yelling at me that I was stupid to still  be a friend to my Son's Ex wife. Every time my friend and I talk she brings up this subject. I loved my DIL when she was married to my son and even though she was the cause of the divorce (cheating) I still love her. She
had a very hard life growing up. Her Mother was very cold hearted and kept her away from her father. Her Mother married and divorced  4x's . Fortunately her grandmother tried to help as much as she could, but it still was hard for my DIL. From when she met my son she said I was a better Mother to her then her own Mother. Then of course their are my 2 grandson's involved. I would never say anything bad about their Mother. I watched them everyday and all summer long. I love them with all my heart and would never want to hurt them, or lose touch with them. My friend thinks that now that they are grown up it is up to them to see me even if I don't care for their Mother. I asked my Son at the very beginning if I would be hurting him by being friendly for his Ex. He said It was fine with him and he preferred I was in his son's life's. My Daughter is also friendly with my Ex DIL for the same reason. I don't think my friend understands any of this. Do you think it's wrong of me to be friendly with My Ex DIL.


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## RadishRose (Oct 17, 2017)

No. Everybody's ok with it. Maybe your friend had a different experience which prevents her from understanding yours?


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## jujube (Oct 17, 2017)

No, not at all.  In my family there are all kinds of ex's that are still around.  If an ex hasn't done something awful and I mean really, really awful, we usually hang on to them.  My mother is quite attached to my sister's first husband.  She considers him her son.  

I'm quite close to my ex-son-in-law.  He would do anything for me and I would do anything for him.  I even like his wife and have always considered her kids (her daughters from her earlier marriage - my granddaughter's step-sisters) my grandchildren.  I got them when they were five and two and I've been their grandma ever since.  I can't say that my daughter has entirely approved of that, but it is what it is.


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## terry123 (Oct 17, 2017)

I am still friends with my ex son in law.  We don't see a lot of each other but we talk every now and then.  I don't see anything wrong with it.  My daughter could not live with his drinking and they divorced.  I think he is an alcoholic but he is the type that holds a good job, works all the overtime he can get and spends his off time with his kids or by the complex pool with his friends drinking beer.  He never was the falling down drunk.  His father was the same way and his mother tolerated it but my daughter could not.


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## Shalimar (Oct 17, 2017)

Sassycakes said:


> I was just talking to an old friend of mine and she was yelling at me that I was stupid to still  be a friend to my Son's Ex wife. Every time my friend and I talk she brings up this subject. I loved my DIL when she was married to my son and even though she was the cause of the divorce (cheating) I still love her. She
> had a very hard life growing up. Her Mother was very cold hearted and kept her away from her father. Her Mother married and divorced  4x's . Fortunately her grandmother tried to help as much as she could, but it still was hard for my DIL. From when she met my son she said I was a better Mother to her then her own Mother. Then of course their are my 2 grandson's involved. I would never say anything bad about their Mother. I watched them everyday and all summer long. I love them with all my heart and would never want to hurt them, or lose touch with them. My friend thinks that now that they are grown up it is up to them to see me even if I don't care for their Mother. I asked my Son at the very beginning if I would be hurting him by being friendly for his Ex. He said It was fine with him and he preferred I was in his son's life's. My Daughter is also friendly with my Ex DIL for the same reason. I don't think my friend understands any of this. Do you think it's wrong of me to be friendly with My Ex DIL.


Not at all. Sounds great to me.


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## SeaBreeze (Oct 17, 2017)

I think it's good and healthy Sassycakes, I don't see anything wrong with it.  It may not be right for your friend, but that's her personality and choice....she can't say that it's bad for you, obviously it isn't.


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## Lethe200 (Oct 17, 2017)

Some people think it's odd that my DH and I have maintained close friendships with his and my ex-BILs. However, we always liked them a lot and both have been generous with assistance (mostly computer- or home maintenance-related) and time, whenever we needed them. 

Saw no reason why we should end the relationships. On DH's side, he was never especially close with that sister. On my side, my sister gets along well with her ex so he remains part of our extended family, including all family get-togethers.


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## Wren (Oct 17, 2017)

If I had an old friend yelling at me, telling me I was stupid I’d be more concerned about my relationship with her !


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## Shalimar (Oct 17, 2017)

Wren said:


> If I had an old friend yelling at me, telling me I was stupid I’d be more concerned about my relationship with her !


Me too.


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## Iodine (Oct 18, 2017)

I think it's fine.  I don't think much of your friend though.


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## Sassycakes (Oct 18, 2017)

My "friend" has always had opinions on what others do,and I can usually just ignore it. With this issue I can not tolerate her view. I could say so much to her about her relationships with her 2 DIL's and 2 SIL's, who she always speaks badly about and even tells them to their faces. One DIL won't even visit her and she never see's her 3 grandchildren. She just shakes it off by saying "I don't care they are brats anyway and I have other grandchildren." As far as keeping my friendship with her I finally feel that I just have to end this so called friendship.


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## Shalimar (Oct 18, 2017)

Sassycakes said:


> My "friend" has always had opinions on what others do,and I can usually just ignore it. With this issue I can not tolerate her view. I could say so much to her about her relationships with her 2 DIL's and 2 SIL's, who she always speaks badly about and even tells them to their faces. One DIL won't even visit her and she never see's her 3 grandchildren. She just shakes it off by saying "I don't care they are brats anyway and I have other grandchildren." As far as keeping my friendship with her I finally feel that I just have to end this so called friendship.


I can understand why, enough is enough. Life is too short for such toxic stuff.


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## helenbacque (Oct 18, 2017)

Wren said:


> If I had an old friend yelling at me, telling me I was stupid I’d be more concerned about my relationship with her !



Me, too.  Maintaining a good relationship with all in-laws - ex or otherwise -  is especially good if children are involved.


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## Warrigal (Oct 18, 2017)

I still call my son's ex wife my daughter. W don't see each other very often but she is in my FB family group and she is kept up to date with family matters.

The last time I saw her was Fathers Day when we gathered for a family picnic


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