# Old Flame Calling?



## Duster (Oct 29, 2020)

I've been getting calls everyday from someone who hangs up after hearing me say, "Hello?". At first I thought it was a blocked telemarketer who got the phone to ring anyway.  The caller I.D. usually doesn't know who's calling, just a local number.   One day I looked at the I.D. before the caller hung up and it said the name of an old boyfriend of mine.   This was someone I dated as a 16 year old and broke up with him for dating a friend of mine, when we were supposed to be exclusive.
Anyway I found out that he was stalking me when I was going on dates with other guys. He once worked at a company where my husband worked.  My husband was the old boyfriend's boss.   I haven't seen this person in about 40 years.  

This behavior kinda freaks me out.  If he wants to talk to, why not just speak?  I don't have any idea if he knows about my illness or not.  Rumors spread in small towns.  I haven't mentioned it to my husband.  He has enough on his mind.  Do you think I should tell my husband about this creepy behavior?

I don't think the ex is a danger to me, but have heard that he was a drug addict a few years ago.   Way back when, he called me up and tried to talk me out of marrying my husband.  This  was after the engagement was announced in the local paper.  Right after we married, the ex married a girl who looked very much like me.  This was platonic puppy love at the most between myself and this guy.  At 16 & 17 nobody was making long range plans.

The whole thing strikes me as strange.  I need your collective wisdom.  Should I block his number if it shows up again?  He could find out where I live, but I stay home most of the time and never go anywhere without my husband.  I'm not supposed to drive for the next few months.  I don't need this, considering the complications my life has taken on.  Please tell me what you would do in this situation?


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## Devi (Oct 29, 2020)

The guy sounds like a nutter. Tell your husband. He should know about this -- and can assist in protecting you if need be.


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## Keesha (Oct 29, 2020)

Yes I would tell your husband about this creepy behaviour. I refuse to answer any calls who don’t disclose their identity, especially these days. There are all kinds of scammers but if this person has a history of stalking, even if nothing became of it, I think it’s in your best interest to disclose this information to your husband. He deserves to know and you deserve his protection.


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## Pinky (Oct 29, 2020)

I agree with others, that you tell your husband. His history points to someone who may not be particularly reasonable.


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## Lewkat (Oct 29, 2020)

Yes, tell your husband about it at once.  Let him decide if the authorities should be notified or not.  This is weird behavior and after all these years, he should not be afraid to speak to you.  Something is amiss with this guy.


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## Jules (Oct 29, 2020)

Let your husband know.  Can you do a bit of research on FB, etc to find out where he is now.  Is there an address associated with his number.


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## hollydolly (Oct 29, 2020)

Imagine if you didn't tell your husband, and the old boyfriend came stalking when your husband wasn't at home ? This is too scary, please tell your husband !!


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## Aneeda72 (Oct 29, 2020)

You should tell your husband and the authorities.  This is nothing to mess around this.


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## ClassicRockr (Oct 29, 2020)

Without a doubt, tell your husband!

When I met my wife, a girl that I'd been seeing off and on, wanted to keep seeing me. I told her straight up, on the phone, "I can't see you anymore. I've met a lady that, hopefully, I intend on marrying. Yes, she is the one!" I could tell the girl didn't like what she heard, but...........oh well. I had told my fiancé about the girl and she was extremely glad that I wouldn't see her anymore.


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## Autumn (Oct 29, 2020)

I agree with everyone else, you need to tell your husband.  He knows this guy and is in a good position to judge whether or not he could potentially be a threat.


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## Sassycakes (Oct 29, 2020)

_* I agree with all the responses. I think you should tell your husband immediately.*_


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## 911 (Oct 29, 2020)

There are *NO* secrets in a marriage. Best off to tell your husband. "What if" he continues on and sends you flowers or whatever his next move may be and then you tell your husband your suspicions and why and what would his response be? "Why didn't you tell me back when this started? Why were you keeping it a secret?"

Next time you get an anonymous call, dial *69 for the old call back and find out who picks up. If it's him, you may want to file a complaint with your local police. Telephone stalking is a crime also. (Here in PA it is.)


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## Pecos (Oct 29, 2020)

I would certainly want to know.
Yes, tell your husband immediately.


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## applecruncher (Oct 29, 2020)

911 said:


> dial *66 for the old call back



It's *69

I wouldn't bother doing research on him. Definitely tell your husband NOW. This is creepy harassment. Most likely he has watched/observed you. I'd make a police report just for the record.


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## 911 (Oct 29, 2020)

applecruncher said:


> It's *69
> 
> I wouldn't bother doing research on him. Definitely tell your husband NOW. This is creepy harassment. Most likely he has watched/observed you. I'd make a police report just for the record.


Thanks for the correction. Sometimes I get in a hurry.


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## Aneeda72 (Oct 29, 2020)

911 said:


> Thanks for the correction. Sometimes I get in a hurry.


 Me too, I get in a hurry.  I hate to miss the beginning of a tv show.


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## applecruncher (Oct 29, 2020)

@911 

No problem.

Part of me wants to suggest her husband have a brief, firm talk with the guy. But...that could make the situation worse.


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## needshave (Oct 29, 2020)

I would want and I would expect to know. Especially since he knows the person, that is actually a double threat. Your husband really needs to know.


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## 911 (Oct 29, 2020)

Goo


applecruncher said:


> @911
> 
> No problem.
> 
> Part of me wants to suggest her husband have a brief, firm talk with the guy. But...that could make the situation worse.


You raise a good point. It has been advised not to get too involved with these creeps. Doing so, validates their ideals for what they are doing.


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## Duster (Oct 29, 2020)

Since it was unanimous and all of you are so wise, I took your advice and told my husband about the matter today.  He also thought the man was acting oddly, considering we haven't seen or spoken to him in more than 40 years.  

I also took Jules advice to try and look up information about the ex, but didn't have any luck finding anything.  I'm not on Facebook or Twitter, so no one has seen me there. 

I'm not going to answer the phone unless it's someone I know or I'm expecting a call. 

Since I've been so much better lately, my husband has been doing more away from home.  He appreciated knowing about it.  I won't be answering the door when I'm home alone, either.

I have neighbors close by who would come over in a heartbeat if I called them.  They're wonderful neighbors and friends.

Thank all of you for the sound advice.  Another opinion is always welcomed.


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## RadishRose (Oct 29, 2020)

I didn't get a chance yo respond earlier @Duster, but I agree with telling your hubs and very glad to hear you did.

I would also tell the police you've been getting hang up calls from him.

Be safe.


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## bowmore (Oct 29, 2020)

What you can do is Google his name. There are services that for a modest fee will run a background check on him. The report will have his address, convictions, etc.


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## applecruncher (Oct 29, 2020)

Again, I would NOT do any research on him nor would I pay a dime for a so-called background check. I know it's not easy, but now that you've told husband you should try to stop allowing the guy to occupy space in your mind. Stop playing detective.

If he bothers you again let husband & police handle it.


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## grahamg (Oct 29, 2020)

I've never been troubled by ex's getting in touch but did once go to the police to show them nuisance texts I'd been receiving from someone, and they were sympathetic, plus when I told the person concerned by text the police's opinion the nuisance texts then ceased.

I hope if you're troubled again, this piece of info comes to mind, even if you don't trouble the police yourself, (you could suggest the police were interested somehow perhaps).


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## peramangkelder (Oct 30, 2020)

@Duster I am so glad you spoke to your husband
If this nasty business continues report him to the Police
Perhaps block his phone number on your mobile/cell phone too


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## old medic (Oct 30, 2020)

I wouldn't block the number... He could just use a different phone, besides this way there is a record of the continued harassment.
I would answer the next call with "Hey (Ralph)... Is see your still an asshole" and hang up....


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## Aneeda72 (Oct 30, 2020)

old medic said:


> I wouldn't block the number... He could just use a different phone, besides this way there is a record of the continued harassment.
> I would answer the next call with "Hey (Ralph)... Is see your still an asshole" and hang up....


Bad advice.  Do not taunt a crazy person, or a stalker, or a mountain lion.


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## old medic (Oct 30, 2020)

Best way to deal with a Bully is to STOMP THERE ASS...


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## Aneeda72 (Oct 30, 2020)

old medic said:


> Best way to deal with a Bully is to STOMP THERE ASS...


Nope


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## 911 (Oct 30, 2020)

bowmore said:


> What you can do is Google his name. There are services that for a modest fee will run a background check on him. The report will have his address, convictions, etc.


Better yet, go to the police department and have them run his name through NCIC (National Crime Information Center), which is a database that stores a lot of information. If he's been in trouble with the law, it's in there.


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## Nathan (Oct 30, 2020)

Stalking is obsessive behavior, you never know where that's going to go.  Telling your husband of course was essential to both your and his safety.


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## Shalimar (Oct 30, 2020)

Nathan said:


> Stalking is obsessive behavior, you never know where that's going to go.  Telling your husband of course was essential to both your and his safety.


Absolutely.


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## Shalimar (Oct 30, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> Nope


Agreed. A bully and a stalker are not the same animal. Stalkers can be very dangerous If improperly handled.


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## Don M. (Oct 30, 2020)

Take 911's advise and report this to your local police.  If you have his name and the phone number he is using, they can quickly track him down.  This sounds like some Nutcase on the verge of committing a violent crime....AND, you may be his chosen target.


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## applecruncher (Oct 30, 2020)

Bullies tend to be brazen and in your face.

But stalkers usually operate behind the scenes, and they can be VERY clever.


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## Pepper (Oct 30, 2020)

When he calls, press *57.  Collects data for police.


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## applecruncher (Oct 30, 2020)

Years ago I was bothered by a stalker... periodically for several years. Only two phone calls, but his modus operandi was block circling and "coincidentally" showing up in stores where I was shopping. I made a few police reports. An officer reviewed my documentation, then went to his home and had a carefully worded talk with him.


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## Jules (Oct 30, 2020)

applecruncher said:


> An officer reviewed my documentation



Yes, documentation.  Keep track of everything.


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## Tish (Oct 30, 2020)

Devi said:


> The guy sounds like a nutter. Tell your husband. He should know about this -- and can assist in protecting you if need be.


I am 100% with Devi on this.


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## applecruncher (Oct 30, 2020)

"Nutter" -


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## OneEyedDiva (Oct 31, 2020)

I also agree with the responses to tell your husband so it's good that you followed the advice. I also strongly disagree with @old medic 's advice for the reasons others cited.


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## WhatInThe (Nov 1, 2020)

I would inform the police. 40 years ago? That was probably the last time that guy was sober/lucid or his entire life just stank. They say people's maturation and progress stop at that age in which they start drinking and drugging heavily. And that makes this guy even more dangerous. I've seen lifetime alkies and addicts behavior go extreme in their gray hair days. One would figure it's the opposite but it's not.


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## oldman (Nov 2, 2020)

Reading this thread kind of reminds me of when I was in high school and had a crush on one of our basketball cheerleaders. During my senior year, I finally asked her for a date and I thought we had a fairly good time. She seemed to enjoy herself and everything did go smoothly. This girl had it all. 

After high school, she called me just before I was leaving for college. She asked me why I never asked for another date and I told her because she didn't really show any interest during the first date. She kind of laughed and told me that she was interested, but didn't think my parents would accept her because she was lower middle class. I immediately told her that my parents never judged anyone by their wealth or social standing. 

I was leaving for college in a few weeks, but we dated once more and this time, I took her to my home to meet my mom and dad. My dad told me that she was a keeper. He really liked her. But, you know how it is when you aren't in the picture for awhile. People do tend to forget about you. I think that's what happened to us. We kind of went our separate ways.


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