# Unusual rules you had to follow in your home or  when visiting other people's homes



## hollydolly (Jul 12, 2022)

I saw this elsewhere thought it would be interesting here...

Did you have  any unusual rules or habits  you had to follow , either in your own home growing up.. or when visiting relatives or friends then or now  ?

 For example.. when I was a child.. we weren't allowed to sit in my fathers' chair..on pain of death. .. Same in my grandads' house..

Also in my grandfathers' house, although the children could run around freely.. when there was a lot of visitors, the men ate in one room and the women ate in a separate  room.. 

At my granny's.. as children we were only allowed to eat sugar sandwiches.. ..but at home were not allowed to have them.. but neither could we have a sandwich with both margarine and Jam ( Jelly)... had to just be one or the other.. and only one slice.. never more


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## hollydolly (Jul 12, 2022)

Another one I remember is  a friend who lived in the mountains  in Spain.. he always made us walk through a paddling type pool before entering his house.. I would maybe have understood it if he was religious or even if he had carpets.. but no.. neither was the case, in fact he lived in a Cave..


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## Pepper (Jul 12, 2022)

Don't remember any rules around here.  Oh, when I was little my mother stuck soap in my mouth for saying a 'bad' word.  Don't remember the word, but it couldn't have been too bad.  So I guess the rule was don't piss off mom.


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## hollydolly (Jul 12, 2022)

Pepper said:


> Don't remember any rules around here.  Oh, when I was little my mother stuck soap in my mouth for saying a 'bad' word.  Don't remember the word, but it couldn't have been too bad.  So I guess the rule was don't piss off mom.


so it wasn't a rule... !!

Another rule in our house was not to speak at the dinner table or risk getting a shoe thrown at our heads.. not such a great rule..


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## Pepper (Jul 12, 2022)

(((holly)))
I so wish you didn't have to endure such a rough childhood.  Yes, I lived like a princess compared to what you went through.

My parents liked to describe themselves as 'easygoing' and they were.


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## JaniceM (Jul 12, 2022)

The only odd thing I ever encountered was when I visited a much-younger relative and I was an adult at the time, she said nobody could be barefoot in her apartment 'because oil from feet would wreck her carpet.'  So I had to wear flip-flops indoors.


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## hollydolly (Jul 12, 2022)

JaniceM said:


> The only odd thing I ever encountered was when I visited a much-younger relative and I was an adult at the time, she said nobody could be barefoot in her apartment 'because oil from feet would wreck her carpet.'  So I had to wear flip-flops indoors.


wow!!  well obviously I'm used to not wearing shoes in some people's home , but I've never heard that one...


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## JaniceM (Jul 12, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> wow!!  well obviously I'm used to not wearing shoes in some people's home , but I've never heard that one...


Well, she was weird in many ways.


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## Pinky (Jul 12, 2022)

We are used to removing our shoes when we visit relatives, as they do when they visit us .. old Japanese custom. We take our own indoor slippers or are given extras to wear.


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## Knight (Jul 12, 2022)

I guess it was a rule that we couldn't move furniture or if it was moved to clean under it had to go back to exactly where it was.  

Simple explanation is my father was legally blind & knowing where any obstacle was [furniture] made his getting around in the home much easier.


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## timoc (Jul 12, 2022)

Unusual rules you had to follow when visiting other people's homes.​
Hollydolly, you do set my mind off. 

Yes, there are some very awkward and peculiar  people on this planet, the other day I was visiting some folks I've not seen for 10 or more years, and get this......   they asked me to leave my sword at the front door.


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## Jeni (Jul 12, 2022)

When we were children my dad did a lot of networking, 
and we were often brought to other peoples homes  that he wanted to do business with etc.
We were told to politely eat whatever was served and not complain about it. 
often was not kid type food.... this also was in force if we stayed over or had dinner with friends.
Many an item i was not fond of..... but being polite was key.....

one time i did this .............my friend hated the specific dish her mom served ........and  friend was SO mad at me for eating it without a whisper 
because her mom always said "see Jeni likes it., you are throwing a fit for nothing" ..... I did not like it ...... but followed my parents rule.


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## hollydolly (Jul 12, 2022)

Knight said:


> I guess it was a rule that we couldn't move furniture or if it was moved to clean under it had to go back to exactly where it was.
> 
> Simple explanation is my father was legally blind & knowing where any obstacle was [furniture] made his getting around in the home much easier.


yes that would make perfect sense...


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## katlupe (Jul 12, 2022)

My parents were easy going also but I remember I could not tattle on my brother until after supper. (Mother's rule)

Another one was at supper the best piece of meat on the table was reserved for my father. (Another Mother's rule)


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## Murrmurr (Jul 12, 2022)

timoc said:


> the other day I was visiting some folks I've not seen for 10 or more years, and get this......   *they asked me to leave my sword at the front door.*


Some people!


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## Lewkat (Jul 12, 2022)

Whether we had guests or visited new people to us, I was expected to curtsy to my elders and my brother bow.  Had nothing whatsoever with royalty at all, just a courtesy.


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## Murrmurr (Jul 12, 2022)

Pinky said:


> We are used to removing our shoes when we visit relatives, as they do when they visit us .. old Japanese custom. We take our own indoor slippers or are given extras to wear.


Also an Arabic custom. I had guys working at my store who were Arabic. and always left my shoes at the door when I went in their house.

When my parents bought their own home, mom had my dad hang a mezuzah on the front door jamb, and us kids were expected to touch it whenever we walked out to go to school, and came in after school. My oldest brother would kiss it, or kiss his fingertips and then touch it. He's still more Jewish than the rest of us.


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## officerripley (Jul 12, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> Another rule in our house was not to speak at the dinner table or risk getting a shoe thrown at our heads.. not such a great rule..


Same here (well no shoe was thrown but a look that would kill and a "go@#$%it, will you shut up, I'm trying to eat!" from my dad) and you're the first person I've ever "met" who it was the same for. In fact, when I was about 12, even though I knew better than to invite any friends over for dinner, my friend's mom I guess got tired of having me over at their house and hinted around that "you know, stacie would like to have dinner at your house sometime". So, I went ahead and invited her and forgot to tell her to not talk and she got the aforementioned yelling at by my dad, she turned white as a sheet and looked scared to death, she asked me after what in the world that was all about and I said "You're allowed to talk at your dinner table?!" She avoided me after that. My least favorite phrase in the world is "the good old days." Phooey on 'em.


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## hollydolly (Jul 12, 2022)

katlupe said:


> My parents were easy going also but I remember I could not tattle on my brother until after supper. (Mother's rule)
> 
> Another one was at supper the best piece of meat on the table was reserved for my father. (Another Mother's rule)


my father always had a different meal to us , for example  he'd have pork chops and vegetables,  or  whole fish..  we'd have canned meatballs..one can between all of us kids, and one pack of Uncle Ben's rice between us, or  a small plate of mac & cheese, or a bowl of packet chicken noodle soup  .. .. or my mother would buy him dark chocolate, but no chocolate for us .. and he'd leave it right where we kids could see it, but never offered us any..


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## hollydolly (Jul 12, 2022)

Lewkat said:


> Whether we had guests or visited new people to us, I was expected to curtsy to my elders and my brother bow.  Had nothing whatsoever with royalty at all, just a courtesy.


we always had to call friends and aquaintences Aunt and Uncle. It was a courtesy title, but to this day with both parents gone, I'm unsure of  who were real relatives and who weren't.. ( my mum was the same age as you Lois )


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## ohioboy (Jul 12, 2022)

When I visited Pinky's house she let me keep my shoes on but made me take my clothes off.


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## Pinky (Jul 12, 2022)

ohioboy said:


> When I visited Pinky's house she let me keep my shoes on but made me take my clothes off.


@ohioboy 

Now, you're in trouble - I warned you not to tell!
Ummm, new Japanese custom .. ?


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## JaniceM (Jul 12, 2022)

Jeni said:


> When we were children my dad did a lot of networking,
> and we were often brought to other peoples homes  that he wanted to do business with etc.
> We were told to politely eat whatever was served and not complain about it.
> often was not kid type food.... this also was in force if we stayed over or had dinner with friends.
> ...


One interesting point in your post- your parents' rule was valid in your friends' homes, too..  

One of the very few things I agreed with my parents on was parents make the rules, period, and it stands regardless of where you are or with whom.  
Throughout all my growing-up years, nearly all the kids/parents/families I knew had that same approach.  

In my family's house or anybody else's, it was kinda basic:  behave like a civilized human being, show manners/courtesy, don't use/touch anybody else's personal property without their permission.  Oh- and don't be wasteful- we were never required to eat anything we didn't like, but if we put it on our plate we were expected to eat it.


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## ohioboy (Jul 12, 2022)

Pinky said:


> @ohioboy
> 
> Now, you're in trouble - I warned you not to tell!



I forgot!


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## JaniceM (Jul 12, 2022)

ohioboy said:


> When I visited Pinky's house she let me keep my shoes on but made me take my clothes off.


You're wasting your time if you don't look like Jason Momoa!!  lol !!


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## JaniceM (Jul 12, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> we always had to callfriends and aquaintences Aunt and Uncle. It was a courtesy title, but to this day with both parents gone, I'm unsure of  who were real relatives and who weren't.. ( my mum was the same age as you Louis )


We were taught to call older people and people we didn't know well Mr./Mrs./Miss. LastName.


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## Jeni (Jul 12, 2022)

JaniceM said:


> Oh- and don't be wasteful- we were never required to eat anything we didn't like, but if we put it on our plate we were expected to eat it.


most of the situations i encountered the host presented the plate already dished up 
Loved any place i was able to chose what went on plate


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## Jeni (Jul 12, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> my father always had a different meal to us , for example  he'd have pork chops and vegetables,  or  whole fish..  we'd have canned meatballs..one can between all of us kids, and one pack of Uncle Ben's rice between us, or  a small plate of mac & cheese, or a bowl of packet chicken noodle soup  .. .. or my mother would buy him dark chocolate, but no chocolate for us .. and he'd leave it right where we kids could see it, but never offered us any..


Mom often made different items for dad..... he was late often but in general if we sat and talked to him as he had dinner he shared it all...


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## Pepper (Jul 12, 2022)

JaniceM said:


> Oh- and don't be wasteful- we were never required to eat anything we didn't like, but if we put it on our plate we were expected to eat it.


That's because of all those starving kids in Chiner.


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## WheatenLover (Jul 12, 2022)

We were not allowed to contradict our mother. Self-defense was not allowed, even if she read our minds incorrectly. She always believed what she thought was true. This is why I made a very big point of teaching my kids that no one knows themselves better than they each know themselves. Period. No matter what.

To this day, it amazes me how some people make up stuff about other people in their heads, and believe that what they made up is true! I say if you want to know something about someone, simply ask them. Figuring one knows the answer without asking is the stuff of soap operas.

I'll give you an example. When my mother died, she had a large collection of scarves - accessories, not winter wear. They were beautiful. She always tried to get me to wear them, but I felt like a pig dressed in a tutu in them, so I refused to do so. I am just not a scarf person, and don't talk to me about ruffles! I do not like wearing scarves. It's a trait of mine - it doesn't mean I was strangled in a past life, so don't go there. People have!

When my mother died, I took 3 small framed prints and a 3" stuffed terrier, none of them valuable. The rest, I told my sister she could take, because I'd always planned to do that. She deeply cares for things that have sentimental value to her, and lots of things do. I was not about to get into arguments over possessions, especially since we both like the same things.

She hired a moving van and moved a lot of stuff to her house in another state. She discovered one scarf was missing. She stewed over it for 2 full years. Then she called me and said that I had stolen the missing scarf. No, I didn't. I pointed out how I have a lifelong aversion to scarves, and wouldn't want to own no matter what. She said, well you must have thrown it away. Please, with her guarding my mother's stuff like it was the Hope Diamond, I didn't have a chance to toss anything, and wouldn't have anyway. She wouldn't let me help her pack, take stuff to Goodwill ... nothing. She still thinks I am thief.

The entire situation was frustrating, but no more so than the many times my sister has decided she can read my mind and is right. She gets it from my mother.


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## MarciKS (Jul 12, 2022)

The landlord and his wife lived next door to us when we were kids. They were Jehovah Witnesses but they didn't bother anybody. They had a granddaughter that would come visit in the summer and I got to go over to play. I changed the radio station to rock and roll one day and I found out real quick the Mrs had a temper. The only music allowed in the house was the classical music station.


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## JaniceM (Jul 12, 2022)

Pepper said:


> That's because of all those starving kids in Chiner.


I think it was because they lived through the Depression Era and knew what it was like to do without.. so the approach they took was (phrase occasionally used) that it was 'almost criminal' to throw food away.


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## Lavinia (Jul 12, 2022)

Pinky said:


> We are used to removing our shoes when we visit relatives, as they do when they visit us .. old Japanese custom. We take our own indoor slippers or are given extras to wear.


When you consider what we pick up on our shoes, it's the sensible thing to do.


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## WheatenLover (Jul 12, 2022)

JaniceM said:


> You're wasting your time if you don't look like Jason Momoa!!  lol !!


I looked at him. He is fine! Looks like he could be on the cover of a bodice-ripper!


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## Lavinia (Jul 12, 2022)

I wasn't allowed to play my pop music records on the gramophone. It was strictly for classical music.


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## JaniceM (Jul 12, 2022)

WheatenLover said:


> I looked at him. He is fine! Looks like he could be on the cover of a bodice-ripper!


His role in Johnson Family Vacation
@Pinky


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## Patricia (Jul 12, 2022)

katlupe said:


> My parents were easy going also but I remember I could not tattle on my brother until after supper. (Mother's rule)
> 
> Another one was at supper the best piece of meat on the table was reserved for my father. (Another Mother's rule)


You couldn't tattle on your brother until after supper is so funny.


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## WheatenLover (Jul 12, 2022)

JaniceM said:


> I think it was because they lived through the Depression Era and knew what it was like to do without.. so the approach they took was (phrase occasionally used) that it was 'almost criminal' to throw food away.


My mom was raised in Leipzig during WW2. She was 10 when the war ended. They were starving before, during, and after the war due to the war era in Germany. 

Yet she never made us clean our plates. I don't know whether that was because of the joy of having food to waste, but whatever the reason, she never had to persuade us to eat it all. She was a really good cook, being self-taught or taught by my dad. She never learned to cook because there wasn't really much food or variety of food for her to cook when she was coming up.

Of everything I remember from my childhood, the most detailed memories are of the meals she made us. I can recall practically everything.


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## WheatenLover (Jul 12, 2022)

JaniceM said:


> His role in Johnson Family Vacation
> @Pinky
> 
> View attachment 229027


Wow! is not enough! I hope he has a good personality, too.


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## ohioboy (Jul 12, 2022)

WheatenLover said:


> Wow! is not enough! I hope he has a good personality, too.


That dude ain't got nothing on me!


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## JaniceM (Jul 12, 2022)

ohioboy said:


> That dude ain't got nothing on me!


We need a picture to prove it!!


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## ohioboy (Jul 12, 2022)

JaniceM said:


> We need a picture to prove it!!


In that case I retract my statement, ha!


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## WheatenLover (Jul 12, 2022)

JaniceM said:


> We were taught to call older people and people we didn't know well Mr./Mrs./Miss. LastName.


When I lived in Boston, after I had kids, that's how children addressed adults. Now it seems like they call most adults by their first names. I make it clear, by introducing myself as Mrs. WheatenLover. 

In the South, for close adult friends of the family, it's Miss First Name. Or Sir or Ma'am. I don't recall men being referred to as anything except Mr. LastName-- maybe all the misters were at work.


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## WheatenLover (Jul 12, 2022)

ohioboy said:


> That dude ain't got nothing on me!


I'm sure you are correct. Please post a picture, so we can salivate over it!  

PS For sure, the men I think are good looking are in my age group now. To think I once thought of them as being Older than Dirt. When I was much younger, of course.


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## hollydolly (Jul 12, 2022)

Pepper said:


> That's because of all those starving kids in Chiner.


lol..it was Biafra in our house.. not that the portions we got would have been enough to keep a biafran alive either..


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## ohioboy (Jul 12, 2022)

Okay, but do not laugh at my picture!



__ https://www.pinterest.com/pin/263601384414004737/


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## Pepper (Jul 12, 2022)

WheatenLover said:


> Wow! is not enough! I hope he has a good personality, too.


Who cares?  LOL


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## hollydolly (Jul 12, 2022)

JaniceM said:


> His role in Johnson Family Vacation
> @Pinky
> 
> View attachment 229027


does zero zilch for me.. looks like Brad pitts little brother..no thanks


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## WheatenLover (Jul 12, 2022)

Pepper said:


> Who cares?  LOL


Now you are disappointing me, Pepper. Is he simply a boy toy?


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## Pepper (Jul 12, 2022)

One summer, oh so many years ago @WheatenLover I made it my goal to treat men like men treated women.  Fun?  Sure was!


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## Pinky (Jul 12, 2022)

JaniceM said:


> We need a picture to prove it!!


Here's Jason with my brother (props man) on the filming of "See". Jason, according to my brother, is a very nice guy. He doesn't forget those he works with, who aren't the big-wigs in the business.


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## hollydolly (Jul 12, 2022)

Pinky said:


> Here's Jason with my brother (props man) on the filming of "See". Jason, according to my brother, is a very nice guy. He doesn't forget those he works with, who aren't the big-wigs in the business.
> 
> View attachment 229040
> 
> View attachment 229041


that's good to know..  neither o/h or I..have ever worked with him..at least I don't think hubs has ever worked with him.. but we always appreciate the stars who don't forget who is responsible for making them sound and look good on screen.. 

personally, I think your brother is better looking..


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## Pinky (Jul 12, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> that's good to know..  neither o/h or I..have ever worked with him..at least I don't think hubs has ever worked with him.. but we always appreciate the stars who don't forget who is responsible for making them sound and look good on screen..
> 
> personally, I think your brother is better looking..


@hollydolly 

Hols, Max will be thrilled you think he's better looking than Jason Momoa!

The Property Master, friend of my brother, whose book I just read, wrote about the filming of "See". He describes Jason as a "great big, affectionate kid". 

Jason kept in touch with Max, even after the series moved from Vancouver to Toronto. He wanted Max to come out east, but he had to decline.

If your hubs ever gets to work with Jason, I think he will find him very down-to-earth.


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## hollydolly (Jul 12, 2022)

Pinky said:


> @hollydolly
> 
> Hols, Max will be thrilled you think he's better looking than Jason Momoa!
> 
> ...


that's why I don't find him attractive Pinks, because to me he looks like a kid.. his face looks like a youngster despite his body builder body... 

Like I say the o/h may have worked with him .. I don't think so, but he was always surprising me with someone he worked with that I didn't know about, so it's possible.. and yes I really believe your brother is way better looking..


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## Tish (Jul 12, 2022)

One Rule my father had was never to go into his bedroom.


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## C50 (Jul 12, 2022)

Pepper said:


> One summer, oh so many years ago @WheatenLover I made it my goal to treat men like men treated women.  Fun?  Sure was!


You mean you opened car doors for them?  Told them how pretty they were?  Spent all your hard earned cash on them hoping to get a kiss? Told them "no, those pants don't make you look fat", and "yes, you're a fantastic cook".  That's how you treated them?


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## Gaer (Jul 12, 2022)

ohioboy said:


> That dude ain't got nothing on me!


hm-m-m!


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## Jules (Jul 12, 2022)

Pinky said:


> @hollydolly
> 
> Hols, Max will be thrilled you think he's better looking than Jason Momoa!
> 
> ...


Someone who appreciates and values and tries to help those he works with is incredibly good looking; it’s not about the mirrors.


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## Sassycakes (Jul 12, 2022)

Growing up we were not allowed to eat at my Dad's Mom's house/ Everyone else would go in the dining room and we had to sit in the living room even on Christmas..they would all come in the living room and give out the Christmas gifts but me and my sister never got anything. My Mom's mother died when I was only 4yrs old so I never really got to do anything at her house because my grandfather moved in with my Mother's oldest sister.


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## officerripley (Jul 12, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> personally, I think your brother is better looking..


Me too.


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## Ruthanne (Jul 13, 2022)

At my family's dinner table we were not allowed to laugh or joke.


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## oldman (Jul 13, 2022)

My dad was military. Rules, oh yeah, we had rules, but nothing strict. My dad kept a small American flag on a small table at the bottom of the steps. Every morning when my sisters and I came down the steps for breakfast before going to school, we had to stop and salute the flag. We didn’t have to stand at attention, but we had to stop. I still smile when I think about it.


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## Don M. (Jul 13, 2022)

We don't have any real "rules" in our family....other than removing the shoes when we come indoors.  We all keep a nice rug near the door, and when visiting each others homes, we either bring a nice pair of slippers, or walk around in our socks.


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## Pepper (Jul 13, 2022)

After reading many of the above posts I am so grateful to my parents for their undictatorial ways and 'easygoing' attitude.  I wish they were here to thank them.


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## RadishRose (Jul 13, 2022)

My mother said laughter was good for digestion.


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## hollydolly (Jul 13, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> At my family's dinner table we were not allowed to laugh or joke.


same...


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## hollydolly (Jul 13, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> same...


actually further to that , my mother was very superstitious so we were not allowed to laugh in the house at all.. this is a the truth.  She said it brought bad luck..''laugh before 11 cry before 7''... , so  we never laughed , in case we got a hiding for bringing bad luck.... and the truth is.. I didn't know how to laugh as a child.. I had to learn how to  when I grew up.. fact..


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## Remy (Jul 13, 2022)

Probably don't want to get me started.

We had to ask "may I be excused" before leaving the dinner table. It wasn't to raise polite kids, it was all about control.

We couldn't wear shoes in the house and I don't either. Strangely. But! We also couldn't go barefoot. Had to wear slippers. I'm always barefoot at home unless it's cold. And I own no slippers, I utilize slipper socks. 

Also if we were actually released from the yard, we had to "check in." Sometimes it was every 10 minutes. Control. Control. Control.

I wasn't able to join any groups ect. Of coarse I wanted to be in the Brownie's, Girl Scouts etc. It was the thing. I was allowed one meeting and then I noted my mother standing at the door backlit by the light like Dirty Harry in the Sudden Impact movie. Interestingly filmed in Santa Cruz. I walked over to her and she started berating me "what goes on here, I don't like what I'm seeing." What she didn't like was her possession interacting with other's and out of her control. I never was allowed to go back.


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## hollydolly (Jul 13, 2022)

Remy... same,  as you, sorry you went through it too..Complete control is right... we always had to ask ''May I leave the table'' sometimes it was no, so we'd have to sit there all night if we hadn't eaten our meal, or be served it up cold for breakfast.

Same, no bare feet but no shoes, we had to wear gym shoes indoors ..

Always told to be home at a certain time, but we weren't' allowed to have watches...and woe betide us if we were even 2 minutes late..


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## Remy (Jul 13, 2022)

MarciKS said:


> The landlord and his wife lived next door to us when we were kids. They were Jehovah Witnesses but they didn't bother anybody. They had a granddaughter that would come visit in the summer and I got to go over to play. I changed the radio station to rock and roll one day and I found out real quick the Mrs had a temper. The only music allowed in the house was the classical music station.


My stupid oldest brother is a JW. I guess they sucked him in. People with our background are prime targets. But the last time I ever saw him was 1985 and I've had no contact since. I did notice he still had all his 60's records like The Byrds, Buffalo Springfield, Neil Young etc. And he had a motorcycle. He's a jerk though.


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## Remy (Jul 13, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> Remy... same,  as you, sorry you went through it too..Complete control is right... we always had to ask ''May I leave the table'' sometimes it was no, so we'd have to sit there all night if we hadn't eaten our meal, or be served it up cold for breakfast.
> 
> Same, no bare feet but no shoes, we had to wear gym shoes indoors ..
> 
> Always told to be home at a certain time, but we weren't' allowed to have watches...and woe betide us if we were even 2 minutes late..


That's outrageous! And cruel and abusive. It's like you were set up.


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## hollydolly (Jul 13, 2022)

Remy said:


> That's outrageous! And cruel and abusive. It's like you were set up.


oh that's without a shadow of a doubt..  my father was always looking for the flimsiest of excuses to  give out beatings..


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## Remy (Jul 13, 2022)

@WheatenLover I sure know I've had people infer some weird stuff about me. Being single, never married, no kids, nothing to look at. But those people are ignorant. 

It's just an 80's movie but some of these movies had some decent psychology in them. I love the ending of The Breakfast Club. And it's true. "you see us as you want to see us."


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## hollydolly (Jul 13, 2022)

we my brother and I, were such sad children..  never knew how  to smile or laugh..


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## Kika (Jul 13, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> ''May I leave the table'' sometimes it was no, so we'd have to sit there all night if we hadn't eaten our meal, or be served it up cold for breakfast.


I have been reading and cannot respond with my contribution.  Too upsetting.
But I spent many total overnights sitting at the table because I was being made to eat something that made me gag to look at.


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## hollydolly (Jul 13, 2022)

Kika said:


> I have been reading and cannot respond with my contribution.  Too upsetting.
> But I spent many total overnights sitting at the table because I was being made to eat something that made me gag to look at.


Kika I'm sorry you went through that too... nothing was gained from causing their own children such fear and upset, and as Remy said it could only be due to their need for absolute control


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## Jeni (Jul 13, 2022)

I will say threads like this put things into perspective.......some had it much worse and i am sorry for those folks. 

I recently had a long discussion with someone whom assumed i liked items that i could care less about...... but being polite acted as if i liked when i had this item.... 
This person was also taught to thank people for every little thing does not think i am gracious enough to thank people more ............
I told them of my situation of faking it so ingrained still do to a point .... and I found their constant thank you....... not polite but fake and mocking .... was a real eye opener on some basic conflicts we had in our friendship


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## MarciKS (Jul 13, 2022)

Remy said:


> My stupid oldest brother is a JW. I guess they sucked him in. People with our background are prime targets. But the last time I ever saw him was 1985 and I've had no contact since. I did notice he still had all his 60's records like The Byrds, Buffalo Springfield, Neil Young etc. And he had a motorcycle. He's a jerk though.


Maybe he quit them.


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## jujube (Jul 13, 2022)

There weren't a lot of rules at my house growing up.....just a few of the basic ones: try not to get blood on the carpet, don't shave the dog, bonfires have to be kept outside, don't push your sister out the second floor window.

Most of our friends wanted to live there and some actually did for periods of time.


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## Remy (Jul 13, 2022)

MarciKS said:


> Maybe he quit them.


I know for a fact he hasn't. Most unfortunately.


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## Remy (Jul 13, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> we my brother and I, were such sad children..  never knew how  to smile or laugh..


That breaks my heart. How is your brother?


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## Remy (Jul 13, 2022)

Kika said:


> I have been reading and cannot respond with my contribution.  Too upsetting.
> But I spent many total overnights sitting at the table because I was being made to eat something that made me gag to look at.


That's an outrage. What is wrong with people! Why would anyone who had kids want to treat their child like that?

Today while shopping, I noted an older couple getting out of a car with a boy about 8 or 9. Probably the grandparents. Having never had any, I was glad for this kid. They looked like nice people.


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## Flarbalard (Jul 13, 2022)

In our previous home we had one steadfast rule:  NO CHAMPAGNE FOR THE DOG.  There was even discussion of having a brass plaque made for our front door.


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## dseag2 (Jul 13, 2022)

We really had no explicit rules in our house, but my mother had severe OCD and was a clean freak, so when my elementary school friends came over to play we had to stay out on the front porch (which was really a tiny tile portico with an overhang).  Occasionally, she would let one of my friends inside the house if she was sure he would not mess things up. 

My dad was the same, so I could never put any chewing gum wrappers in the ashtray of his car.  Also, no feet on the seats, even though they were vinyl at the time.

My upbringing was all about cleanliness, which is probably why I only clean our house when I see dust or spiderwebs accumulating.  My partner would never clean without the force of a cattle prod, so I think he has helped me become more balanced.  I am only a neat freak about my car, so I guess that's my one outlet to perpetuate the OCD.


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## officerripley (Jul 13, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> actually further to that , my mother was very superstitious so we were not allowed to laugh in the house at all.. this is a the truth.  She said it brought bad luck..''laugh before 11 cry before 7''... , so  we never laughed , in case we got a hiding for bringing bad luck.... and the truth is.. I didn't know how to laugh as a child.. I had to learn how to  when I grew up.. fact..


We weren't supposed to laugh at all either; that rule was imposed by my crazy old, religious-nut grandmother: "the more unhappy you are in life, the happier you'll be in heaven--"Whom the Lord loveth, he chastizeth...Hebr. 12-6--"and the happier you are in life, the more you'll suffer in Hell."


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## officerripley (Jul 13, 2022)

Remy said:


> I wasn't able to join any groups ect. Of coarse I wanted to be in the Brownie's, Girl Scouts etc. It was the thing. I was allowed one meeting and then I noted my mother standing at the door backlit by the light like Dirty Harry in the Sudden Impact movie. Interestingly filmed in Santa Cruz. I walked over to her and she started berating me "what goes on here, I don't like what I'm seeing." What she didn't like was her possession interacting with other's and out of her control. I never was allowed to go back.


Mostly me neither; I was in Bluebirds and loved it--liked being around the nice women who were the leaders since I guess I really missed a mother's love but when it came time to join Girl Scouts which I wanted to so badly, oh no, uh uh; Dad said the uniform would cost way too much money. (He always had money for his mistress(es), though.)


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## officerripley (Jul 13, 2022)

Remy said:


> My stupid oldest brother is a JW. I guess they sucked him in. People with our background are prime targets. But the last time I ever saw him was 1985 and I've had no contact since. I did notice he still had all his 60's records like The Byrds, Buffalo Springfield, Neil Young etc. And he had a motorcycle. He's a jerk though.


My bi-polar sister joined them for a while too. My late brother was always trying marriage; he'd been married and divorced 5 times and was looking for Number 6 when he passed away last year.


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## officerripley (Jul 13, 2022)

Kika said:


> I have been reading and cannot respond with my contribution.  Too upsetting.
> But I spent many total overnights sitting at the table because I was being made to eat something that made me gag to look at.


Same here; Dad seemed to consider it a total insult if we didn't like any food.


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## Remy (Jul 13, 2022)

officerripley said:


> We weren't supposed to laugh at all either; that rule was imposed by my crazy old, religious-nut grandmother: "the more unhappy you are in life, the happier you'll be in heaven--"Whom the Lord loveth, he chastizeth...Hebr. 12-6--"and the happier you are in life, the more you'll suffer in Hell."


She was out of her ever ef-ing mind! She must have been a nightmare to be around.  What a whack job.


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## jujube (Jul 13, 2022)

officerripley said:


> We weren't supposed to laugh at all either; that rule was imposed by my crazy old, religious-nut grandmother: "the more unhappy you are in life, the happier you'll be in heaven--"Whom the Lord loveth, he chastizeth...Hebr. 12-6--"and the happier you are in life, the more you'll suffer in Hell."


She and that medieval barrel-of-laughs Savonarola would have gotten along like a house afire....or a bonfire of the vanities.  He preached that life was supposed to be unhappy and grim so that you'd get your reward in heaven.

At least your granny didn't burn you at the stake.....


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## Gary O' (Jul 13, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> Did you have any unusual rules or habits you had to follow , either in your own home growing up.. or when visiting relatives or friends then or now ?


Not really
Standard stuff at home

Going somewhere?
I hardly ever got to go

I do have this one episode;
(posted here a few times)

Unspoken rules of which I found out the hard way



Anybody got close to near to close relatives that seem to live a cut above everone around them including you?

These are kin, that if you had the choice, you’d pick for Hitler’s cronies, their lives ending by the hand of Idi Amin’s pals.
It’s a dream you have anyway.

These are not necessarily smug folks, as they’ve been raised to be proper with kindly remarks saved for the mentally disadvantaged (you),
but still,
when in conversation, you seem to come off as a curiosity, a toy that should have been discarded but kept because, well, it’s been passed down from aged family members.

These are your kinfolks that you wish weren’t.
But there you are, at their place.
And there they are, choosing the correct fork with mindless ease, while it dawns on you that you not only have one, but both elbows on the table.
This felonious act is like discovering, while you’re waiting for the bus, you have no pants on.

Yeah, there they are, wittily chatting about current events, glancing your way, hoping you will say something so they can have a good mutual laugh, jumping on your blurted fractured words like the ravenous hyenas they are.

But you know this, so you amiably reach for your seventh dinner role, because you know the lone knife is for butter…pretty sure.

And there’s your sister, blending nicely, and even your little brother, cute little bastard, seems to be one of them, along with mom and dad, all exchanging quips and witticisms.

So you begin to feel a tad self-conscious, and thirsty, since your fourth glass of juice has managed to cause that loaf of dinner rolls to swell to the max in your twisted up stomach.

Something blurts from my mouth

‘Why’d the moron throw the clock out the window?’

‘Whud he say? ‘

snicker giggle giggle giggle....rising, swelling to a tidal wave of uproarious laughter

‘I dunno, Gary, why did the moron do that (snarkle)?’

The beets look pale compared to you.

Only you are smiling, laughing sappily with them.

But, on the inside you’re envisioning Himmler’s storm troopers bashing down the door, and hauling everone outside.

You are untouched, saved actually.

Later you stroll out to the gazebo where everone is flailing away, hanging upside down.
You walk slowly by these relatives of yours, stopping in front of your cousin’s bobbing head.

*‘TO EFFING SEE THE EFFING TIME EFFING FLY!!!!’*

Later that day, sitting in the gazebo, finally with your own thoughts, you settle your mind with the calming resolution of just writing a book.....



So, you never had relatives like that, you say?

Well, aren't you blessed


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## Been There (Jul 14, 2022)

My father's grandparents raised from when I was 9 years old. They owned a small farm. Each morning before heading off to school, it was my job to collect the eggs and feed the chickens and put fresh water down for them. On weekends, I would clean out the roosts and put in fresh straw. My grandpa had another fellow working for him and they did all the hard labor work until I was 15 when I was taught how to drive the tractor and work the fields in the summer. I was glad to do it for the love and for the very good care they gave to me.


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## hollydolly (Jul 14, 2022)

Remy said:


> That breaks my heart. How is your brother?


least said...


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## Patricia (Jul 14, 2022)

I can't think of any unusual rules I had to follow at my home or when visiting others.


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## officerripley (Jul 14, 2022)

Remy said:


> She was out of her ever ef-ing mind! She must have been a nightmare to be around.  What a whack job.


Yep, and you know what really bothers me, once I got old enough to realize it, in the area of the U.S. she was from and too many areas too, both when she was living there and still today, there are a lot of people, so many more than what some people realize, who feel the same way she did. Although I've seen it a lot in news stories, etc., I think a lot of people in this country even don't realize that the U.S. is the most "religious" of all the "modern", westernized countries. For instance, it doesn't seem like public figures in other countries talk about religion and what God wants as much as U.S. public figures do.


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## Pepper (Jul 14, 2022)

officerripley said:


> it doesn't seem like public figures in other countries talk about religion and what God wants as much as U.S. public figures do.


Pandering.


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## Jace (Jul 14, 2022)

It wasn't so much a rule...but we lived in a two story house and my Mom would put stuff on the stairs to go upstairs..so if any one of us kids was going upstairs..she'd say..take something upstairs...
to this day..I do the same thing..and say it,too.


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## Remy (Jul 14, 2022)

@officerripley I've heard there are places in the U.S. that you would not believe were actually in this country. I've never lived in those areas or very rural.


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## officerripley (Jul 14, 2022)

Pepper said:


> Pandering.


Yep


Remy said:


> @officerripley I've heard there are places in the U.S. that you would not believe were actually in this country. I've never lived in those areas or very rural.


I've heard that too and I'm afraid it's true. A single mother with the nicest, smartest little boy you ever met was dating my nephew-in-law for a while and she told me that her son was getting bullied at school and for only one reason. What reason, you ask? Because she had taught him to say "please" and "thank you" and every time he did, he'd get laughed at, socked, stuff thrown at him, etc. because "boys and men should never show weakness like that." And that's a town right here in Calif.


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## hollydolly (Jul 14, 2022)

Jace said:


> It wasn't so much a rule...but we lived in a two story house and my Mom would put stuff on the stairs to go upstairs..so if any one of us kids was going upstairs..she'd say..take something upstairs...
> to this day..I do the same thing..and say it,too.


I always said the same to my daughter and husband... ''never go back without a return load ''...


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## oldman (Jul 14, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> same...


OMG, at our house, my dad was always telling jokes. He was military, so mom made sure he cleaned them up before telling us kids.


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## JaniceM (Jul 15, 2022)

oldman said:


> OMG, at our house, my dad was always telling jokes. He was military, so mom made sure he cleaned them up before telling us kids.


Like "Pass the butter but don't describe it"?


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## JaniceM (Jul 15, 2022)

RadishRose said:


> My mother said laughter was good for digestion.


Not if you laugh so hard that you choke..!


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## JaniceM (Jul 15, 2022)

Remy said:


> Probably don't want to get me started.
> 
> We had to ask "may I be excused" before leaving the dinner table. It wasn't to raise polite kids, it was all about control.
> 
> ...


Maybe there should be another thread-  "Wacko mothers, enabling fathers, and their lil bands of 'flying monkeys'"


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## oldman (Jul 15, 2022)

JaniceM said:


> Like "Pass the butter but don't describe it"?


No, like, “A Priest, a Rabbi and a Pastor walk into a bar” ——-I’m stopping there, but you can use your imagination to fill in the blanks.
OK, I’ll finish it. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of a joke?” When my dad told that, we laughed, but I didn’t get it then and still don’t get it.


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## hollydolly (Jul 15, 2022)

The joke is a play on words of an old  joke title...

A priest a Rabbi and a Pastor.... or it could have been an Englishman, Scotsman, irishman... 

get it now ?...


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## officerripley (Jul 15, 2022)

Or:

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long face?"


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## JaniceM (Jul 16, 2022)

Oh, I have a couple more to contribute- although I don't think they're odd, more along the line of manners:

-  Don't chatter when somebody is watching t.v., and especially don't talk if someone is watching the news, wait for a commercial.  

-  If two or more people are talking to each other, don't "invite" yourself into their conversation.


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## Pepper (Jul 16, 2022)

officerripley said:


> Or:
> 
> A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long face?"


Or:

A termite walks into a bar and asks "Is the bar tender here?"


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