# Seniors, What Can You Say About Having Children?



## SeaBreeze (Apr 10, 2016)

For those here who have had children, what can you say about the experience, what are your thoughts?  Are your children a blessing?  Has having children been good or bad for you in your life?  Do you have a close relationship with your kids, or have you grown apart over the years?  Do your children care about you now that you're older, are they there for you when you need them?


----------



## fureverywhere (Apr 10, 2016)

I'm sure there will be many happy stories on this topic. I know the pride I feel with my two sons. In my case though I should have lived a life then adopted in my later years. If I had an infant now knowing what I didn't know then, I would have so much to give. It's not about money. It's maturity and life experience. When I had the oldest I had babysat once and changed a diaper once. It took a long time to figure it out.


----------



## Pinky (Apr 10, 2016)

I had our only child, a daughter, the year I was turning 36. My biological clock was ready 10 years prior, but we were saving for a decent down payment for a house before starting a family. After being on the pill and having an IUD, pregnancy did not happen as quickly as we'd expected, but finally, here she was, our precious girl. I did suffer from post-op depression after the C-section, and felt somewhat isolated as we were living away from family at that time and my husband was working, and back at university in order to switch careers. However, we survived. A year later, we moved back to Toronto.

We thoroughly enjoyed being involved with the PTA all the way through her schooling. The teen years were a challenge, especially the year she was 16, but we all survived, despite separation and divorce. There were a couple of rough years, but we've all come full-circle and she is a doting daughter, very caring and knowledgeable about the needs of her parents who are now seniors. We're happy with the choices she has made for herself and pleased to see how fulfilled her life is.


----------



## tnthomas (Apr 10, 2016)

I love my daughter and son, and have a good relationship with each.     Without dwelling on _sour grapes_, I'd say this- that if I could have a "do over" in life I would have had my children with a different woman.


----------



## Shalimar (Apr 10, 2016)

I hear you, Tn. I love my son dearly, but a different father would have been far better for us both!


----------



## jujube (Apr 10, 2016)

If I knew then what I know now, I would have had grandchildren_ first_.


----------



## Don M. (Apr 10, 2016)

Our daughters are great.  It was a bit of a challenge during their teen years, but they managed to avoid doing anything really dumb, and became responsible adults.  Much the same goes for the Granddaughters.  They have all found good husbands, and all have a stable family life.  We have a family of girls, but finally have a new great Grandson...boy, will he be spoiled....but his Dad is a real good guy who loves hunting and fishing, so I imagine that will work well.


----------



## Ameriscot (Apr 11, 2016)

I would have my sons 10 years later and with a different man.  I felt guilty not being able to give them a better childhood.


----------



## Ruth n Jersey (Apr 11, 2016)

I have 2 children and I am close to both. I think I could have been a better Mother. My kids are not close to each other. I think I was the cause of the rift. I didn't show favoritism but the squeaky wheel got the grease, also we had bought a home which I prided myself in keeping spotless. If I had it to do over I would have let things go and enjoyed them more and hopefully had the patience to make sure they realized how lucky they were to have a sibling.


----------



## Falcon (Apr 11, 2016)

What about having children?   A recent mother once told me that it hurts like hell.


----------



## Cookie (Apr 11, 2016)

All all for having kids and if you can, do.  Eternally thankful for my wonderful son.


----------



## Wrigley's (Apr 11, 2016)

jujube said:


> If I knew then what I know now, I would have had grandchildren_ first_.



LOL!

I kinda get that. I don't have grandchildren because my late wife and I never had any kids. We were told (repeatedly) we should see a professional to figure out what was "wrong", but we decided to not worry about it, to just enjoy each others company and let the chips fall where they may. Life was good.

It's decades later now. I've been alone all this time - not lonely, but alone - enjoying my own company for better or worse, through good times and bad. Suddenly two little ones show up.

My niece separated from her husband and moved into a house nearby. She started dropping off her two 5 year olds at my place when daycare is closed or whatever, or she wants a night out. Now they ASK to come here. I'm not sure but maybe I'm getting a little taste of what I missed. Frustration when I have work to do and when they ask a million off-the-wall questions. I feel guilty when I'm not even sure why....I just see this "Uncle, you did it wrong" look on their faces. But they're funny as hell, and they think I'm funny, and they try to help when I work, and we laugh a lot - and that makes up for the other stuff.

I'm a childless great-uncle and they make me feel like their grandpa. And I like it.


----------



## vickyNightowl (Apr 12, 2016)

My son is 25 and daughter 17.

Not having a mom growing up and having an abusive stepmother,I made sure that every chance I have,I will tell my kids I love them.

Through my problems and all,they are the best things that happened to me.
If I had a do over,I would have at least 5 kids.

They have taught me so much.


----------



## nitelite (Apr 12, 2016)

I always had maternal instincts and felt blessed having children and now grandchildren. Like others have mentioned here, I also wish I had known better and chosen a different father. It's difficult to shed that guilt.


----------



## fureverywhere (Apr 12, 2016)

I dunno, girls turn 14 and they lose their minds. The boys are different. My two boys have had their trying times but they got back eventually. The eldest has a baby boy I would give my life for. The younger had his stuff, but he turned into a personable young man despite all. Yep we are blessed.


----------



## Sassycakes (Apr 14, 2016)

Having children is a blessing to me. I have a son and a daughter.They are both married and my son has 2 son's,19 and 18 yrs old. My daughter has a little 5 yr old daughter. My daughter is an RN and constantly worries about me and my husband. Right before I got a chance to write this my 19 yr old grandson,who is in college,called just to say Hello and ask how I was doing and of course he asked about his Grand Pop too. I love my family with all my heart.


----------



## Bobw235 (Apr 14, 2016)

We only had the one son.  He is a good person, but we realized much too late that he had attention deficit disorder.  Wish we'd known sooner.  He was naturally bright and did well in school up until college, when the distractions took their toll.  His lack of focus caused much tension for our family.  Now that he's married and living overseas, I wish he was better about keeping in touch and making more of an effort to keep us seeing our grandchildren on a regular basis.  I love him, but also wish we were closer.


----------



## ladyp (Apr 18, 2016)

I have three children all grown now ofcourse. I did such a good job making them like me that two are still at home. I love them and would not throw them out but it would not hurt my feelings if they wanted to start a life of their own and move out.They do all they can to help out. I worry what they will do when I'm gone.


----------



## Phoenix (May 5, 2016)

I never had any kids, and I'm still glad.  Most of the people my age are not treated well by their children.  I saw that when I was young. Oh, they say they are, but I have eyes and ears.  My main concern is what to do about who will handle my estate affairs once I'm gone.  I have nephews and nieces, but I've taken better care of myself than they have.  So I may outlive them.  They aren't that much younger than me.  My step kids are flighty, and would not handle things well.  So...


----------



## Linda (Jun 28, 2018)

I'm glad we had our 4 children but I wish we had waited till we were about 10 years older.  16 and 20 is just too young.  We were really stupid human beans and, I think, bad parents.  But the end result is our kids are close to us and keep an eye on us.  One lives in Europe but calls often and visits when he cans.  The oldest passed away just before his 50th BD but left us 2 grandsons who are now in their 20s.  The other 2 kids live about 3 hours away and play a big part in our life as do their children.  So yeah, I guess it's all good.  There were some rough times though.


----------



## twinkles (Jun 28, 2018)

i wish my kids had a better dad---i live with my youngest daughter so i see her every day ---my oldest  son 2x a week the youngest son 3x a year--(phone calls) the oldest daughter dont  speak to me


----------



## StarSong (Jun 28, 2018)

I was never going to have children but the biological clock started tolling strongly within so hubby and I decided to have one.  Almost exactly two years later we were um, surprised with a set of twins.  Yikes!  Three kids in a smidge over two years.  Talk about baptism by fire!  

I wish i had the level of patience for my children that I now have for my grandchildren, but that seems a common theme and is probably the natural order of things.  It was a very worthwhile ride though, and we are emotionally and geographically close to all of our kids - and they are close with each other.  

Our payoff for raising children reasonably well has been the adult friendships formed with them when we stepped out of the parenting role.


----------



## RadishRose (Jun 28, 2018)

I've only had one child. There's been ups and downs, but I love him very much and it's apparent he loves me too. I couldn't imagine life without my son, even though we don't see each other a great deal, it's regular enough to be satisfactory. 

So yes, it's a good thing.


----------



## Shalimar (Jun 28, 2018)

I have not spoken to my son since the day about eight months ago he informed me that he had exhausted all compassion for me while in his teens, and that went for emotional support as well. Why? I have no idea, particularly since I have been nothing 

but compassionate and supportive all his life. Shelled out ten grand during the university years to help he and his wife. She would have lost her place in law school if I had not stepped up to the plate. The kicker was when he told me I just had to get used to it. Well, no. I refuse to be complicit in a relationship where I am made to feel difficult to love, and repeatedly hauled on 

the carpet by someone channeling a stern Victorian father remonstrating with his wayward daughter. For whatever reason, my beloved son has become a hanging judge where I am concerned. Guilty as charged, no day in court. Yet his dad who did not 

pay child support, and did a brief stint in jail for domestic abuse years after I kicked him to the curb somehow gets a clean slate. Hmm. He did thank me once for dumping his dad and sparing him from growing up with 

violence. His dad grew quite violent after we parted. Oddly enough, my mother who was not my best fan, would become incensed when young Jesse would act up toward me. She always maintained I was a good mother. She was very close to him while he was growing up, and as a young adult as well.


----------



## StarSong (Jun 28, 2018)

Shalimar said:


> I have not spoken to my son since the day about eight months ago he informed me that he had exhausted all compassion for me while in his teens, and that went for emotional support as well. Why? I have no idea, particularly since I have been nothing
> 
> but compassionate and supportive all his life. Shelled out ten grand during the university years to help he and his wife. She would have lost her place in law school if I had not stepped up to the plate. The kicker was when he told me I just had to get used to it. Well, no. I refuse to be complicit in a relationship where I am made to feel difficult to love, and repeatedly hauled on
> 
> ...



Shali, I cannot express how much your story distresses me.  Although I've been active on these boards for only a few short months, I quickly recognized yours to be a voice of intelligence, gentleness, kindness, reason and balance.  Compassion like yours is like the finest steel.  It is borne only of blistering fires, it cannot merely dug up from a sheltered place that has never known pain.

Be well, my friend.  I sincerely hope that the brokenness between you and your son is healed soon.


----------



## Shalimar (Jun 28, 2018)

StarSong said:


> Shali, I cannot express how much your story distresses me.  Although I've been active on these boards for only a few short months, I quickly recognized yours to be a voice of intelligence, gentleness, kindness, reason and balance.  Compassion like yours is like the finest steel.  It is borne only of blistering fires, it cannot merely dug up from a sheltered place that has never known pain.
> 
> Be well, my friend.  I sincerely hope that the brokenness between you and your son is healed soon.



Ooooohhhh, I needed that. “Balm of Gilead,” indeed. Touched to the point of tears. Your words heal far more than you know, my friend. I am cognizant of the strength of your convictions, your clarity of thought, measured intelligent response even under duress. I am elevated by our friendship, u bring out the best in others.


----------



## RadishRose (Jun 28, 2018)

What a terrible shame! Sorry for you, Shalimar.


----------



## Shalimar (Jun 28, 2018)

RadishRose said:


> What a terrible shame! Sorry for you, Shalimar.


Thanks RadishRose. It is truly beyond my comprehension. If love, support, compassion are not enough, I concede defeat. It is all I have to offer.


----------



## Gary O' (Jun 28, 2018)

Shalimar said:


> Thanks RadishRose. It is truly beyond my comprehension. If love, support, compassion are not enough, I concede defeat. It is all I have to offer.



Sometimes offspring have to grow...old, before they come to certain realizations about their folks.
Sometimes parents pass away before that happens.

Keep the heart door open, Shali.


----------



## Shalimar (Jun 28, 2018)

Gary O' said:


> Sometimes offspring have to grow...old, before they come to certain realizations about their folks.
> Sometimes parents pass away before that happens.
> 
> Keep the heart door open, Shali.


The door is open, I have not disowned him, merely protected myself from further abuse.


----------



## Gary O' (Jun 28, 2018)

Shalimar said:


> The door is open, I have not disowned him, merely protected myself from further abuse.



right on


----------



## Gary O' (Jun 28, 2018)

I recommend at least three
The first two will teach you how totally inept you are in parenting skills
The third one will confirm you didn’t learn a thing from the first two

I’m happy to say, today our kids think we’re pretty OK
Sometimes even thank us

Our eldest ‘gifted genius’, ’headed to Mensa’ as depicted by his profs, was diagnosed schizophrenic in his very late teens, or early twenties (I try not to remember)
He’s doing as OK as he’s gonna do
He has limited capacity in regard to the emotion of love as most know it
That’s OK by me
I’m happy he can function on his own

Our second son decided to do what Dad did…only more
We survived it
He almost didn’t
He now has a somewhat large ranch, and two quite large (90 some foot) fishing boats
He still scares me
We love each other greatly
Swap stories
I no longer wish to arm wrestle with him, saying I don’t care to embarrass him

Our youngest, our daughter, is currently testing our nerve ends, our sanity, our gullibility
She’s running outa time
Makes my passing something with which to look forward
Hope to beat her to it…pretty much neck and neck at present

Nutshell, our second son and daughter managed to give us some very beautiful grandchildren of which has enriched our lives beyond expectation

I really can’t ask for more

Lastly, I penned a brief synopsis about life’s process some time ago
Prolly posted it here
Here it is again (sorry);  

Life, seems, is divided up into indistinct sections of which we ease in to and out of, like a balloon coaxed thru a small opening, morphing sometimes without notice:


*Eating/pooping (part 1, discovering texture)
Preschool (intro to social, sharing)
School (the teacher is God)
Teenage (high school hell, for teen and parent, hormones are an entity requiring exorcism, the teacher is Satan)
College/military (fun, fun, fun; learn, drink, fornicate, kill)
Pre-parental Early adult (more fun, but serious thoughts, sipping not chugging, meaningful pursuits, mating, career)
Parental (joy)
Parental hell (see teenage)
Midlife (see early adult, attempts at hindsight adjustments)
Grandparent (brief joy)
Grandparental hell (hiding, see teenage)
Musing Youngish Geezer (lazy boy-crossword-Jeopardy sessions, looking upon mate with renewed ardor, reflecting, attempting things you did with ease years ago)
Geezer (whazzat? Whoozzair?)
Eating/pooping (part 2)...Nurse!? I did it again (toothless smile)
Dirt nap*


----------



## hearlady (Jun 29, 2018)

I will say my children have all grown up well in spite of us.


----------



## JB in SC (Aug 14, 2018)

Neither of us regret it one bit. Had I married a woman that didn't want kids, I would have been fine at the time. 

However, knowing what I know now, I would have missed out on a great deal of fun and a couple of great grandchildren that have been the joy of my life.


----------



## Linda W. (Oct 2, 2018)

I have one grown daughter, she's smart and has a good profession. She changed a lot over the years and no, we're not very close now. There are two grandchildren who are grown now. I don't waste time on doubts or regrets. At my age, it's best not to waste any time. Just dealing with the challenges of us being older, that's living life each day at a time.


----------



## GeorgiaXplant (Oct 2, 2018)

Shalimar said:


> Yet his dad who did not
> 
> pay child support, and did a brief stint in jail for domestic abuse years after I kicked him to the curb somehow gets a clean slate.



Shali, you probably learned this somewhere along the line so this is just a reminder: the absent parent is (almost) always the hero. Maybe your son hasn't elevated his father to quite that status, but it's probably easier and more convenient for him to excuse his father than to admit that you did the best you could and you're not the reason he grew up without a father.

Sometimes people, not just our kids, lash out in anger over something, then realize that they overreacted and knowing they can't put the words back in their mouths, stubbornly refuse to make amends. The longer it goes on, the more likely they'll start rationalizing and justifying what they've done or said.

Wait. You're the wig-picker! Why am I telling YOU this? LOL


----------



## Ronni (Oct 2, 2018)

I have 5 children, 4 boys and a girl.  Folks think I stopped at 5 because I had a girl.  Nope, I stopped because no matter how hard I tried, my 35 year old body just kept saying "enough!!!" Finally I listened.  My oldest is 44, youngest (my girl)  is 29.  All natural childbirth, all born at home.  10 grandkids.

We are a very close family.  My oldest lives in California with his wife and 4 girls.  We see each other a couple times a year, they take me on the most wonderful vacations (Hawaii is my favorite!) or they visit here, or I go stay with them for a week.  I am in in touch with son,  my DIL and my grandkids via phone, Facebook, emails, texts and FaceTime all the time.  The rest of my kids live here, in Nashville.  We have a family get together every time it's someone's birthday, every seasonal event, and randomly too, so there are get togethers all the time.  Separately, I go out to lunch or dinner with random assortments of my kids and/or grandkids whenever the mood strikes.  There isn't a week that goes by where I'm not seeing and/or talking to a child or grandchild or some combination.  I wouldn't have it any other way.

The siblings are all close too.  They get together for poker nights, to hang out, dinner, etc.  They help each other with moves, car repair, computer issues.    They each have their own unique relationship with each other.  e.g. my daughter and one of my boys spend time almost daily sending each other stupid GIFs and Memes and photos which they think is hilarious!! I don't typically see the humor, but that's their thing.   

Their father is a jerk, completely out of their lives except for random, sporadic emails which they ignore.  We don't even know where he is.  He's never seen most of his grandkids.  I know many of you wish you'd had a different spouse, and I've occasionally thought the same, but if that were the case then I wouldn't have the children I do now, and they enrich my life so completely that I just couldn't imagine anything better!  Dealing with their father is a small price to pay for the immeasurable benefit of having them!


----------



## 911 (Oct 5, 2018)

There’s an old joke that used to be popular, but since has died off. 

A group of gals and guys were debating which hurt worse; childbirth or a kick in the gonads. After several minutes of the back and forth, finally, Joe noticed that his buddy, Joe, who had been sitting in the back all this time never said a word, asked him what was his opinion. 

Joe answered, “There is no doubt about it, a kick in the gonads definitely hurts worse.” Jane immediately spoke up and protested and asked Joe what made him think that? Joe took another drag on the pipe that he was smoking and said, “Well, I’ve been around a lot of women and I have heard some of them speak up from time to time and say, “You know, I wouldn’t mind having another child.” 

“However, I have also been around a lot of guys and I never heard even one say, “You know, I wouldn’t mind having another kick in the gonads.” &#55357;&#56834;&#55357;&#56834;

Ta-Dah

(You can replace the word “gonads” with a more colorful word.) 

(Hopefully, I won’t be banned for writing that.).


----------



## rgp (Oct 6, 2018)

Old proverb..........

 By the time a man is old enough to realize that perhaps his father was right......he has a son that thinks he's wrong.


----------



## Capt Lightning (Oct 6, 2018)

Children - you love them and then you let them go.  I'm happy that they are close to each other and to us, but we all have our own lives to live. I've tried not  to tell them what to do, but always provided a safety net under them.  They're doing well for themselves and that is all the thanks that I need.


----------



## Don M. (Oct 6, 2018)

Capt Lightning said:


> Children - you love them and then you let them go.  I'm happy that they are close to each other and to us, but we all have our own lives to live. I've tried not  to tell them what to do, but always provided a safety net under them.  They're doing well for themselves and that is all the thanks that I need.



Ditto!  A sure sign of successful parenting is seeing the kids grow up to be responsible adults, and make a good life for themselves.  I feel sorry for Seniors who are still having to "babysit" their kids....and there seems to be quite a few who are caught in that trap.


----------



## C'est Moi (Oct 6, 2018)

We are a blended family; I have 2 sons and my husband has 2 daughters and a son.   We married when they were all small; the youngest was 2 and the oldest 8.   It was always hectic and the teenage years were sometimes exasperating, but they all grew up to be great responsible young people.   My life is richer having been "mom to 5".   (I used to say my hobbies were calling out spelling words and doing laundry.  )  

They grew up and scattered to the winds and now the closest one to us is 2 hours away, so we don't see them as much as we'd like.   Thankfully the electronic age makes it easy to keep up with them all.


----------



## Aunt Marg (Dec 1, 2020)

SeaBreeze said:


> For those here who have had children, what can you say about the experience, what are your thoughts?  Are your children a blessing?  Has having children been good or bad for you in your life?  Do you have a close relationship with your kids, or have you grown apart over the years?  Do your children care about you now that you're older, are they there for you when you need them?


I honestly believe I was destined to be a mom.

I did a lot of babysitting growing up, and thoroughly enjoyed it, so always felt that motherhood was my destiny.

Children are a blessing, and they've been good for me, and while all are grown now and busy with their own lives, we are all still close, even the two who live long-distance.

While I am closer to a few, they'd be there for dear husband and I if needed, and they know the same holds true when it comes to us for them.


----------



## Colleen (Dec 8, 2020)

I had my son when I was 28 (1974) but if I could have a "do-over" in life, it would be 1) never get married, and 2) never have a child. I've done my best in both areas, but seem to have been a failure and a disappointment. I'd never let the hurt from those relationships dominate my life again.


----------



## needshave (Dec 8, 2020)

We have one child, a son, I footed the college bills. I'm an engineer and I thought he might follow my tracks. But he did not, he was an art major and I was concerned for his future, not knowing where his career choice would take him. But he has done well for him self, used his artistic talents as a stepping stone and is now the CEO of a corporation.  At 40 years old he had his first child, our first grand child, and has settled into the new lifestyle of a father well. We live 13 hours away from his family, but being he being very savvy with technology, our son has enabled his two year old to face time with us at any time using Alexis and Apple. WE FaceTime with her several times a week, sometimes several times a day.

It has worked out well.


----------



## Kathleen’s Place (Dec 8, 2020)

We have 3 boys. Oldest is 52, and twins 48. 
Looking back... I wonder how any of us survived .  They were, how do I say this?, boy-boys through and through. Rowdy, adventuresome, stubborn. If there was trouble to be had they found it. My husband was in the Navy for 10 years and when he got out, he went into sales and traveled 5 days a week. That pretty much left me, one nerve, and the 3 little indians. When he was home, he was the best father ever.  When he wasn’t home, he called every night to help with homework or whatever was needed for all of  us.  So we stumbled through it, and did the best we knew how to do at the time. But lordie, looking back we did so much wrong and could have done so much better. But, in spite of everything, they turned into 3 outstanding humans that We are beyond proud of.  They love us, don’t smother us, but let us know constantly that they are there for us if we need them.  Our life hasn’t been easy, but it sure has been worth every single second of it


----------



## Aunt Marg (Dec 8, 2020)

Kathleen’s Place said:


> We have 3 boys. Oldest is 52, and twins 48.
> Looking back... I wonder how any of us survived .  They were, how do I say this?, boy-boys through and through. Rowdy, adventuresome, stubborn. If there was trouble to be had they found it. My husband was in the Navy for 10 years and when he got out, he went into sales and traveled 5 days a week. That pretty much left me, one nerve, and the 3 little indians. When he was home, he was the best father ever.  When he wasn’t home, he called every night to help with homework or whatever was needed for all of  us.  So we stumbled through it, and did the best we knew how to do at the time. But lordie, looking back we did so much wrong and could have done so much better. But, in spite of everything, they turned into 3 outstanding humans that We are beyond proud of.  They love us, don’t smother us, but let us know constantly that they are there for us if we need them.  Our life hasn’t been easy, but it sure has been worth every single second of it


I raised 4 boys, and compared to my girls, what a handful they were! LOL!


----------



## Giants fan1954 (Dec 8, 2020)

My 2 are 23 months apart,girl is older 41,boy is 39.They were like oil and water growing up,pretty much until their late teens when the became BFFs,lol.
I feel my life would be very empty without them,we live only 20 minutes apart and they would do anything for me,they are both married and even the in-laws are great!
My son is the Dad to the worlds best grandson,8, who I get to watch frequently and have had a special bond with since they put him in my arms at just a few hours old.
I do like to quip that they are my greatest accomplishment however I'm pretty sure more than a few of these gray hairs belong to them.


----------



## grahamg (Dec 9, 2020)

I'll try to respond to this thread slightly differently, in the hope it adds something more than saying I'm very thankful to have my one child, and two grandchildren, in spite of other difficulties I've experienced, (as others have related above).

I'm going to mention my relationship with my own mother, as a way of shining a light on the thread topic possibly. I had a difficult relationship with my mother, though I'd never have rejected her, nor vice versa, and it proved impossible to have really open, fully honest, adult discussions with my mother, as I'm sure we'd all like to do. I'd go so far as to say I thought my mother might haunt me from the grave, but I was completely wrong, and all the very positive aspects of her character are what come to my mind, comfort me, and give me strength!     .


----------



## Brookswood (Dec 21, 2020)

My two kids are a blessing.    We are close but not so close that I can't let go of them and let them lead their own lives.
Needless to say the Grands are great! 

A buddy of mine married a women in her very late 30's. Now he is 66 with a one year old.  Better him than me.


----------



## Pepper (Dec 21, 2020)

Brookswood said:


> A buddy of mine married a women in her very late 30's. Now he is 66 with a one year old.  Better him than me.


Make sure you tell that to @Murrmurr


----------



## Murrmurr (Dec 21, 2020)

Pepper said:


> Make sure you tell that to @Murrmurr


Yep, not gonna happen.


----------



## katlupe (Dec 21, 2020)

If I had to do it over again, I don't think I would.


----------



## Phoenix (Dec 22, 2020)

I didn't, and I'm grateful to myself.


----------



## CinnamonSugar (Dec 23, 2020)

My six are a blessing.  I may have had to do “tough love” with some if them at one point or another (and it was also tough on Mom) but overall we get along well and I’m glad they are part of my life


----------



## Kathleen’s Place (Dec 23, 2020)

I can say I’m too old to have any .


----------



## HoneyNut (Dec 26, 2020)

I always wanted to have kids but by my mid-forties I was still single and had to give up on that dream.  I tried hard to convince myself I was okay to not have children, but then I discovered single people could foster-adopt and after a few years of not getting to keep a foster child I finally got a keeper and although there were some extremely trying and even scary moments, she made it through all the PTSD stuff and teenage issues and now she is an awesome young adult.


----------



## Aunt Marg (Dec 26, 2020)

One thing I can say about having children as compared to when I used to babysit and care for other people's children, when it comes to your own, what a reality check that is.

Unlike babysitting where you walk away at the end of a babysitting stint, with your own, you're stuck with them 24/7/365. LOL!

No escaping the crying, the wet and dirty diapers, the bottles, the soiled crib sheets, the laundry, and everything in between.


----------



## Rosemarie (Dec 26, 2020)

I couldn't wait to have babies, which is why I rushed into marriage. I thoroughly enjoyed being a mother, but I wish I had waited until I had met a man who would be a better father.
As for the experience of childbirth, it's different for everyone. Some women have a terrible time, others have no problems.


----------



## Aunt Marg (Dec 26, 2020)

Rosemarie said:


> *I couldn't wait to have babies*, which is why I rushed into marriage. I thoroughly enjoyed being a mother, but I wish I had waited until I had met a man who would be a better father.
> As for the experience of childbirth, it's different for everyone. Some women have a terrible time, others have no problems.


I was the same, Rosemarie.

Having spent so many years caring for other people's babies in their home, I was excited to have my very own crying and kicking bundles of joy in my very own home.


----------



## Rosemarie (Dec 26, 2020)

Aunt Marg said:


> I was the same, Rosemarie.
> 
> Having spent so many years caring for other people's babies in their home, I was excited to have my very own crying and kicking bundles of joy in my very own home.


I was the eldest child in my family and the only girl. There was quite a gap between me and the youngest and I was like a second mother to him. I took him everywhere with me!


----------



## peramangkelder (Dec 26, 2020)

I have one Sister and I am very thankful she is in my life


----------



## Aunt Marg (Dec 26, 2020)

Rosemarie said:


> I was the eldest child in my family and the only girl. There was quite a gap between me and the youngest and I was like a second mother to him. I took him everywhere with me!


Your story is mine, Rosemarie.

Grew up in a home with four baby siblings, so this big sister was doing it all by age 8-9.

Making bottles, changing diapers (old-fashioned cotton-fold diapers, diaper pins, and rubber pants), taking them out for baby stroller/baby carriage rides, taking them to the park, and whatever else needed doing, and Friday night was always babysitting night for me.

Did you have a hand in the feeding, changing, and other miscellaneous baby-care, too, Rosemarie?


----------



## Rosemarie (Dec 26, 2020)

Aunt Marg said:


> Your story is mine, Rosemarie.
> 
> Grew up in a home with four baby siblings, so this big sister was doing it all by age 8-9. Making bottles, changing diapers (old-fashioned fold and pin diapers with rubber pants), taking them out for baby stroller/baby carriage rides, taking them to the park, and whatever else needed doing, and Friday night was always babysitting night for me.
> 
> Did you have a hand in the feeding and changing of your baby siblings, too, Rosemarie?


Yes, but I didn't do as much as you. Changing nappies and potty training, and unpaid baby-sitting, but I never actually made up a feed.


----------



## Aunt Marg (Dec 26, 2020)

Rosemarie said:


> Yes, but I didn't do as much as you. Changing nappies and potty training, and unpaid baby-sitting, but I never actually made up a feed.


OMG, yes, and toilet training, too, I so remember!

Also was unpaid for all the babysitting I did, though mom was good about doing little things for me when she could.

Making up bottles and warming them was a job of mine starting when I was age 8-9, but by the time I was age 10-11, I was making baby formula on my own.

Darned good pre-motherhood experience it was, Rosemarie!


----------



## Rosemarie (Dec 26, 2020)

Aunt Marg said:


> OMG, yes, and toilet training, too, I so remember!
> 
> Also was unpaid for all the babysitting I did, though mom was good about doing little things for me when she could.
> 
> ...


It also taught me how to be a better mother to my own children. My first was a girl but I never expected her to take care of the younger ones.
Also my mother used to snoop around my bedroom while I was at school. She once gave me a diary for Christmas, then complained that I hadn't used it!


----------



## Aunt Marg (Dec 26, 2020)

Rosemarie said:


> *It also taught me how to be a better mother to my own children.* My first was a girl but I never expected her to take care of the younger ones.
> Also my mother used to snoop around my bedroom while I was at school. She once gave me a diary for Christmas, then complained that I hadn't used it!


I couldn't agree more.

My oldest daughter was around the same age I was when her last two baby brothers were born, and she couldn't wait to get started making bottles and changing diapers.

She was already bugging me to start babysitting at the time, so I told her that when she learned how to do all that was required to care for a baby, I'd allow her to start babysitting.

Her first babysitting job was for my SIL shortly after.


----------



## Aunt Marg (Dec 26, 2020)

Rosemarie said:


> It also taught me how to be a better mother to my own children. My first was a girl but I never expected her to take care of the younger ones.
> *Also my mother used to snoop around my bedroom while I was at school.* She once gave me a diary for Christmas, then complained that I hadn't used it!


Must have been the generation, because my mom did that, too.

Me, along with all of my siblings.


----------



## JonDouglas (Jan 31, 2021)

I think that not having children causes you to miss much of what life is all about.  We were fortunate having three who never got into serious trouble, were successful and still seem to like us.  They call or check in at least once a week.


----------



## Lewkat (Jan 31, 2021)

I had my son when I was 33 and 2 months after he was born his father was killed in Viet Nam.  While I did contemplate remarriage a couple of times, I pulled back as I did not want another man raising our boy.  He has turned out well.  A decent, caring man with his own IT business.  He was widowed a couple of years ago and they did not have children.  But he's starting to see people and getting a social life again.  I am proud of him and his accomplishments.  He loves his mom and she loves him dearly.


----------



## Kathleen’s Place (Jan 31, 2021)

Lewkat said:


> I had my son when I was 33 and 2 months after he was born his father was killed in Viet Nam.  While I did contemplate remarriage a couple of times, I pulled back as I did not want another man raising our boy.  He has turned out well.  A decent, caring man with his own IT business.  He was widowed a couple of years ago and they did not have children.  But he's starting to see people and getting a social life again.  I am proud of him and his accomplishments.  He loves his mom and she loves him dearly.


Beautiful


----------



## JustBonee (Jan 31, 2021)

JonDouglas said:


> I think that not having children causes you to miss much of what life is all about.  We were fortunate having three who never got into serious trouble, were successful and still seem to like us.  They call or check in at least once a week.


My story also ...   my husband is deceased,  and I rely on my  children and and their kids for mental support all the time.  
Just cannot imagine what I would   be feeling w/o them in my life.    Talk with them all the time. 

I have one 13 yr. old granddaughter that has so much going on in her life these days, like most teenagers,    but she always calls me every week  to check in  ...  melts my heart.


----------



## fuzzybuddy (Feb 4, 2021)

What can you say about having children? Recent studies have proved having children leads to adults. Look around. Enough said.


----------



## Glowworm (Feb 23, 2021)

I had my three while still in my teens. It was really tough being a disabled teen mum but with my mother's help I made it through. They've all turned into caring loving adults with good jobs and I have daily contact with all three. Even though it was hard I personally wouldn't have it any other way. And now of course I have the bonus of grandchildren. I love them all but miss being able to see them regularly.


----------

