# Doing Things Together/Apart In Marriage



## ClassicRockr (Jul 24, 2014)

Was just wondering how much Senior married couples do things together and apart?

When wife and I met, we were both "marriage minded" and "clingy". For the two times I was married, I loved it! One ended in an annulment and the other in divorce (same woman). I still LOL every time I think about that. Anyway, I didn't want either, but.  I just didn't make the kind of money my "ex" was use to being around in her family. I always knew I wanted to marry again, but finding "Mrs. Right" was definitely a problem. Then there is the  "clinginess" in me. That's  what got me into big trouble with former girlfriends that I had before meeting my wife. My wife loved that I wanted to be with her a lot. And, 13 years later, we still do most things together! 

Our boat doesn't go on the water unless she is in it. I don't go to the Shooting Range unless she is with me. She has her own firearms and loves to shoot (thank the Lord). Grocery shopping.......together, unless it's a couple of items I can pick up during the day when she is at work. Mall shopping.......together. Neither of us have close male or female friends. For some reason, when we do meet a couple in our age bracket and they find out that we enjoy a stout margarita or Bud Light once in awhile, hear my humor and find out that I'm a "Rocker", things seem to go "South". Would love to make some friends, but we require married friends and NO smoking or swearing. Wife has asthma and takes a med for it. Also, we are both Christians.  

So, that simply leaves us with doing most everything together and, to a point, that's fine with us. But, she does have a couple of "home" hobbies and I do things on the old computer while she is doing them. 

So, how about your marriage?


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## Pappy (Jul 24, 2014)

57 years, Classic. Your story almost fits ours to a T. Have three children, nine grandchildren and eight great grand kids. We don't socialize a lot and enjoy our homes. We have everything we need and some stuff we don't. Mainly our health, although my wife has beat cancer twice and I have a couple small heart problems.

i like most kinds of music, but old, old country is mainly my favorites. Like AC/DC, White Shark and many older rock groups.  The wife and I enjoy reading. We both have IPads and enjoy spending time on the internet. We take a trip to our local casino once or twice a month and enjoy eating out. 

I had to give up working part time this year as I came down with a serious case of shingles. Knocked me flat for about three weeks. The wife works part time at the campgrounds office which helps with the lot rent and electricity. Around Oct. 5, we leave for Florida where we reside in a over 55 park and have a nice doublewide. Enjoying retirerment to the fullest. Pappy


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## Mrs. Robinson (Jul 24, 2014)

Hubby and I (married 46 years) do most everything together. Exceptions are that he loves golf,I tried it and it`s OK-the courses are usually really pretty but I`d prefer to just ride in the cart and read a book most times. Now some of our grandsons play so I like when he just goes out and plays with them-they always have a blast. He has a sense of humor a lot like yours it sounds like and the kids just love that about him. He`s also not much for malls-which isn`t too big a deal because we don`t have any here-the closest one is an hour and a half away and there`s not much I want to spend $100 in gas to go shop for. So I usually save that for when my daughter is going down there and we make a girl`s day of it. Other than that,we pretty much do everything together,grocery shopping included.


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## ClassicRockr (Jul 24, 2014)

Now, here's one for you folks from my humorous side:

I tell folks quite often just how much exercise my wife and I get. I say, "we play golf, bowl, rides bicycles, play tennis, play Ping-Pong, play baseball, basketball and ride Wave Runners." Folks get a little shocked that we do that much at our age. *THEN* I lay it on them and say......."all on our Wii Game in our living room"!! Talk about laughing.


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## ClassicRockr (Jul 24, 2014)

We'd love to socialize with folks, hopefully in our age bracket and married, but meeting those "right" folks is what's hard. There are boat "outings" here, where boater tie up to each other or just toss in an anchor, but 99% of the boaters are young enough to be our kids, or even grandkids! We've gone to a Sports Bar to watch NFL, but we really feel "old" there as well. 

If you folks, in this forum, want a real surprise, take a look at this photo:



Yes, Princess Leia (wife) and Darth Vader (me) last Halloween. I had on a full-size helmet, boots and working chest lights/sound box on my chest. My Lightsaber was a FX type w/sound. Oh yea, *MAJOR* Star Wars fans!


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## Fern (Jul 24, 2014)

Yikes you look scary. I've been married for 53 years and hubby and I have always worked together & played together. We have some acquaintances in our lives & belong to a vintage machinery club. We seem to be the exception by the tone of comments we receive.


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## SeaBreeze (Jul 24, 2014)

We've been married for almost 38 years, no kids, and do most things together...as we are also good friends.  Cool pic of you and your wife, lol!  Stop feeling "old' it slows you down!  :hair:


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## Mrs. Robinson (Jul 24, 2014)

We do hang out mostly with our kids and their friends-we just go home when we get tired  lol. We really could use friends our age but most of them are "too old". The kids treat us as their friends-no different than they treat each other-although they always comment how "cute" we are together. Our kids (well.our one daughter and son in law that live close) have crazy parties/BBQs most every weekend. The cops get called frequently-but only by one neighbor who lives behind them. We usually leave before cop time. My son in law was actually issued a $1,0000 ticket in June for one of the parties-after the cops came for the 3rd time. Good thing they are good friends with the police Lt. and got it lowered to $100.These are people in their 40`s mind you-hardly kids. And pillars of the community at that.One of them is even a cop himself! SIL has talked to the neighbor and tried to resolve it-they are now where he says he will call them first before he calls the cops. We`ll see. Anyway,yeah,friends our own age would eliminate us hanging out with them all the time-as much as we like them


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## ClassicRockr (Jul 25, 2014)

Funny, when I first put on that 2-piece Vader helmet, and walked into the living room, my wife sort of freaked! She got use to it, but the first time seeing me in it.....WOW! We went to a fairly large public Halloween Party on Halloween night and it seemed like each step I took, I felt my wife tap my shoulder and say "they want a picture with you!". Yes, I was a HIT and it didn't bother me at all. Actually, a male employee at a local hobby shop told me he bought a complete Darth Vader costume (like, $800 type) and couldn't believe how much attention it drew at a party he went to. My costume cost me around $350. We bought my wife the "Disco" type boots, the dress and she made (the Buns) part of the hairpiece like Carrie Fisher wore in the first movie, A New Hope. Nice part, we got the money for our costumes from a nice win I got playing a slot machine. Anyway, three months and we pull out the costumes again and have fun. 

When we lived in Colorado, I found an adult Bat Man costume by a trash bin in the apt complex. It was still in plastic bag and it fit me perfectly. Wife decided to be Cat Woman and bought part of her costume and made the rest. We looked very cool together!! And, it was fun.

Just a little FYI, my wife's mother dressed up as the Statue of Liberty for Halloween up until she was 88 yrs old. 



Fern said:


> Yikes you look scary. I've been married for 53 years and hubby and I have always worked together & played together. We have some acquaintances in our lives & belong to a vintage machinery club. We seem to be the exception by the tone of comments we receive.


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## ClassicRockr (Jul 25, 2014)

Your "too old" statement below is the problem we've had as well! During the weeknights, we are pretty much "homebodies" due to my wife's job, but on the weekends.........."*PARTY TIME*" Funny, when I say that ("Party Time") to the younger generation, they seemed really kind of stunned.........especially when they find out we are Seniors! When I say that to people in our age bracket, they are really stunned and look like they want to run away from us. One thing for sure, this 65 yr. old dude sure has a way with words! (LOL) Wow, there's another one. A 65 yr. old man saying the word "dude". Interesting, hugh. My wife really gets a kick out of me. 

Wish we could find some married couples do some things with, but, it would have to be V*ERY "HIP" *older couples and definitely like humor.  



Mrs. Robinson said:


> We do hang out mostly with our kids and their friends-we just go home when we get tired  lol. We really could use friends our age but most of them are "too old". The kids treat us as their friends-no different than they treat each other-although they always comment how "cute" we are together. Our kids (well.our one daughter and son in law that live close) have crazy parties/BBQs most every weekend. The cops get called frequently-but only by one neighbor who lives behind them. We usually leave before cop time. My son in law was actually issued a $1,0000 ticket in June for one of the parties-after the cops came for the 3rd time. Good thing they are good friends with the police Lt. and got it lowered to $100.These are people in their 40`s mind you-hardly kids. And pillars of the community at that.One of them is even a cop himself! SIL has talked to the neighbor and tried to resolve it-they are now where he says he will call them first before he calls the cops. We`ll see. Anyway,yeah,friends our own age would eliminate us hanging out with them all the time-as much as we like them


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## Keesha (Nov 23, 2018)

ClassicRockr said:


> We'd love to socialize with folks, hopefully in our age bracket and married, but meeting those "right" folks is what's hard. There are boat "outings" here, where boater tie up to each other or just toss in an anchor, but 99% of the boaters are young enough to be our kids, or even grandkids! We've gone to a Sports Bar to watch NFL, but we really feel "old" there as well.
> 
> If you folks, in this forum, want a real surprise, take a look at this photo:View attachment 8625
> Yes, Princess Leia (wife) and Darth Vader (me) last Halloween. I had on a full-size helmet, boots and working chest lights/sound box on my chest. My Lightsaber was a FX type w/sound. Oh yea, *MAJOR* Star Wars fans!



Look what I found. Darth Vader and Princess Leia.


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## hollydolly (Nov 24, 2018)

Yup, that was a long time ago..... ..we hear about it a lot!!


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## C'est Moi (Nov 24, 2018)

My husband and I do most things together, but we still have our own interests as well.   Each of us is fairly easy going with a sense of humor so we have a lot of laughs.   My husband is kind and good-hearted, never complains no matter how annoying I am... and I can't imagine my life without him.


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## Keesha (Nov 24, 2018)

hollydolly said:


> Yup, that was a long time ago..... ..we hear about it a lot!!


I have also but I’ve never seen his wife before. 


C'est Moi said:


> My husband and I do most things together, but we still have our own interests as well.   Each of us is fairly easy going with a sense of humor so we have a lot of laughs.   My husband is kind and good-hearted, never complains no matter how annoying I am... and I can't imagine my life without him.


My husband and I do most things together also. He’s pretty easy going also but he can be equally as annoying as I am and I let him know :laugh:
Actually it’s surprising how much time we spent together when he’s off from work. I also can’t inagine my life without him.


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## jujube (Nov 24, 2018)

My late husband loved bass fishing....sitting out on a lake for hours in the blazing sun annoying the fish and losing your lures.
I'd rather be poked in the eye with a burning stick.

The current Spousal Equivalent loves to ride his motorcycle.
Refer to the above statement about the burning stick.

I love to wander around antique shops.
Both of them would have rather have been/be poked in the......well, you get the picture.

There were/are lots of things we liked/like to do together.  We don't have to be joined at the hip 24/7.  

For those who do like to do everything together, that's great too!  Everyone needs to find their level of togetherness and make it work!


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## Lethe200 (Nov 26, 2018)

Been together 45 yrs, will be 46 yrs Jan 6, 2019. We do many things together, but have separate hobbies and personal offices. It's like our books: both of us read a lot, and there are some books we both love. But there are others that he likes which I don't, and vice versa. 

Keeps life interesting.

Food is one of our major hobbies. I love to dine out and he loves to eat, LOL. We travel around our area and seek out new restaurants. We're sort of on a regular circuit around Northern CA. Will be going off to Monterey/Carmel in early December (2x this year). These are driving trips, so generally within 2.5 hours of where we live. We stay a while and come back happy to be home for another month or so!

We have a few good friends. Most of them are younger than we are. Just the way it worked out, we share various interests with them. On Quora.com I described social relationships in the San Francisco Bay Area as a Venn diagram: you share interest A with persons XX and YY; interests D and F with friends RR and VQ; interests G with PW and TT; etc. 

The key is you don't force friendships. Friends PW and XX are connected only thru you, but would not necessarily want to form friendships with each other. 

As someone else said, we're not joined at the hip, and aren't looking for BFFs. We are very good friends with another couple, but they are younger and still working, so it's hard for them to spend anything more than a weekend evening once or twice a month together. 

Being retired, we don't mind being flexible about scheduling time with our friends who are still working. It means our weekends are still busy, because that's the only time family and friends can really get together with others. When we travel, we go midweek - less crowds, traffic, and hassle anyway.


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## Ronni (Nov 27, 2018)

Ron and I are still a work in progress in this regard. We don't live together yet so that changes the dynamic of course.   We've talked about how much time we'll actually spend doing things together once I move in.  There are some activities, like Ballroom dancing and naranon meetings and the ancillary things that come up regarding that (one of my boys is an addict, in recovery now for 4 years jft)  that he doesn't have much interest in, or that don't pertain to him though I'd welcome his participation if he were interested.  He does come to the occasional social night at my local dance studio and enjoys that.  He's a car guy, and loves to go to car shows and watch them on TV. I have no interest so I read or do computer stuff when he's involved with that.  

We're working on the house, slowly doing the renovations to it and at least so far, we work easily and well together.  We enjoy riding the Harley, and have places we love to go together on it, but that's seasonal, and we've just finished winterizing the bike and packing up our leathers for the cold weather.  I'm actually curious how our together/apart time will evolve once we're living together.  

I have friends, second marriages for both, who've been together 25+ years.  They're both retired for several years now, and there is very little that they do separately.  They go to their individual doctor/dentist appointments together.  They go to the grocery store together,  She sings in the local choir, he goes with her.  He is helping his SIL with a closet building project.  She goes and either helps, or sits on the couch and reads till he's done.  I honestly can't think of anything they do separately.  I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with that degree of togetherness, though it works beautifully for them.  

I wonder how couples navigate when one wants this level of togetherness and the other is uncomfortable with it?


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## hearlady (Dec 1, 2018)

Well, I have to say my husband and I do very little together except visit our children and take a trip once or twice a year. 
I joke when I get back from the grocery store about all the happy couples in there shopping. We may go to Sam's, the base BX, Lowe's, or Cabelas together once in a while. Those are the only stores he goes in except when we travel. 
Otherwise we kind of go our own way. 
My annual work Christmas banquet is coming up. A very nice affair that goes two days so a nice hotel is provided. He's never been. His loss I say. 
We do watch TV together.


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## Ruth n Jersey (Dec 1, 2018)

We have been married for 46 years.  The last couple of years he has become quite a couch potato. TV morning till night. I join him for an hour or two in the evening but that's about all I can take of the TV. We still travel about twice a year to see my daughter and family. If I ask him he will take me to the store or other places I need to go only because I am a very nervous driver. 

I don't really mind because I have enough projects to last me a lifetime. I've always enjoyed just time for myself and am never bored. I get my outdoor fix when my kids and grand kids are around. The hubby never was one for hiking or swimming. The kids keep me young.  We still love to listen to classic,old time country music and once in awhile we go to a nearby buffet.


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## Linda (Dec 2, 2018)

We've been married almost 54 years.  Husband loves to fish and sit around a camp fire (when we aren't in fire danger weather) and talk.  He loves people.  I like people in much smaller doses than he does.  Thankfully we have a fire pit in the middle of our property.  No pond for fishing though.  I like to paint and read and tend to my rock garden.  He tends to a few plants on our porch and he used to have a vegetable garden. Together we both like to spoil our dogs, eat out, visit people, go on road trips, go to yard sales and thrift stores.  He takes his boat and goes off fishing fairly often.  We both give each other their space.  We have fun together too.  I would hate to be married to someone who wanted me to spend every minute with them.


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## hearlady (Dec 3, 2018)

hearlady said:


> Well, I have to say my husband and I do very little together except visit our children and take a trip once or twice a year.
> I joke when I get back from the grocery store about all the happy couples in there shopping. We may go to Sam's, the base BX, Lowe's, or Cabelas together once in a while. Those are the only stores he goes in except when we travel.
> Otherwise we kind of go our own way.
> My annual work Christmas banquet is coming up. A very nice affair that goes two days so a nice hotel is provided. He's never been. His loss I say.
> We do watch TV together.


I forgot, we take walks together! 
I've been scratching my head wondering what the heck we ever do.


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