# Internet Netiquette or politeness



## Ruthanne (Jun 13, 2016)

I did a little search on this and found a bunch of junk but among it some good tips.  One of them is to use the smileys or emoticons to try and convey how you are feeling when you post something.  Also, be appropriate, consider your audience, consider the cultural differences if possible, think before you speak or in this case it is think before you type.  

Here is a link:  Why are internet discussions less polite?

http://www.wall.org/~aron/blog/why-are-internet-discussions-less-polite/

I am not trying to start a war here, just trying to find some answers.


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## Guitarist (Jun 14, 2016)

Some people on another forum seem to think it's because online you're anonymous so you can be outspoken without fear of reprisal.  No one "knows where you live." 

That's no excuse, it's just what some people think. It's one remove from road rage -- there you're separated from others in a car so people who wouldn't dare walk up to someone on the sidewalk and hit them or shoot them give vent to impatience and irritation with their cars.  Here on the Internet we're even more distanced from each other.  

Either that, or the Internet "frees" people up to show who they really are -- they just don't give a toss, and feel they don't need the veneer of polite society that they wear in real life company.  On the Internet you can post naked -- flesh, emotions, temper, whatever.

Sucks, doesn't it?  Something that can bring people from all over the world together, to communicate instantaneously, and so many use it to attack, criticize, make fun of, and alarm.


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## Warrigal (Jun 14, 2016)

It takes all kinds to make a world. We can't expect everyone to express their thoughts in the same manner. Some people are always tactful, others wax and wane according to the mood and some are always rather blunt. It doesn't pay to be thin skinned over things that people might post. If things get overheated the mods will intervene.

I don't think that this forum is over the top in this regard.


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## NancyNGA (Jun 14, 2016)

Warrigal said:


> It takes all kinds to make a world. We can't expect everyone to express their thoughts in the same manner. Some people are always tactful, others wax and wane according to the mood and some are always rather blunt. It doesn't pay to be thin skinned over things that people might post. If things get overheated the mods will intervene.
> 
> I don't think that this forum is over the top in this regard.



I agree.


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## Ruthanne (Jun 14, 2016)

guitarist said:


> some people on another forum seem to think it's because online you're anonymous so you can be outspoken without fear of reprisal.  No one "knows where you live."
> 
> that's no excuse, it's just what some people think. It's one remove from road rage -- there you're separated from others in a car so people who wouldn't dare walk up to someone on the sidewalk and hit them or shoot them give vent to impatience and irritation with their cars.  Here on the internet we're even more distanced from each other.
> 
> ...


ikwym


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## Ruthanne (Jun 14, 2016)

Warrigal said:


> It takes all kinds to make a world. We can't expect everyone to express their thoughts in the same manner. Some people are always tactful, others wax and wane according to the mood and some are always rather blunt. It doesn't pay to be thin skinned over things that people might post. If things get overheated the mods will intervene.
> 
> I don't think that this forum is over the top in this regard.


I'm sorry that you needed to get defensive with this.  It wasn't my intention to make anyone get that way.  I was just trying to help us have more regard for each others feelings so that the mods don't have to intervene as often.  Why put it all on the mods?  We are grown ups.


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## Warrigal (Jun 14, 2016)

I'm not being defensive. If I thought that I was at fault I would apologise. I have done this on occasions when I did cause some offense with one of my posts. 

What I am trying to do now is suggest that the best way to continue posting is to adopt a somewhat detached attitude to some discussions. I try hard not to take anything personally and as long as I can do this, I am not easily offended.

I don't want you, or anyone else, to stop posting. I appreciate all shades of opinion.


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## Ruthanne (Jun 14, 2016)

Okay.  Even if you had been defensive, which you were not, it would't be anything to apologize about.  Your ideas are a good addition to this discussion.  Thanks.


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## Ralphy1 (Jun 14, 2016)

Let's not turn this into Facebook.  We need some stuff that can be highly controversial to keep it interesting...


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## Ruthanne (Jun 14, 2016)

Ralphy1 said:


> Let's not turn this into Facebook.  We need some stuff that can be highly controversial to keep it interesting...


Who is turning it into facebook?  Just trying to make people understand each other on this medium as much as we can without any clues.


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## Ralphy1 (Jun 14, 2016)

Some seem to want only saccharine exchanges. I want some disgruntled souls pouring out their angst on all sorts of topics...


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## QuickSilver (Jun 14, 2016)

Warrigal said:


> I don't think that this forum is over the top in this regard.



QFT+++++++   This forum is SOOOO tame it isn't funny..   I have to chuckle at those who complain about it.. particularly the political discussions.   There are forums out there that would curl their hair as well as their toenails.  I think they would have apoplexy if they read what people say to one another at other sites.    I believe that this forum reigns in the nasty quite well.. and as has been said many times.. if discussing politics ain't your cup of tea... don't


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## Bobw235 (Jun 14, 2016)

I always try to be respectful of other opinions while engaging in conversations, both in real life and on this forum.  I try to "listen" before rushing in with my own view.  There have been times (on here) when I've been tempted to lash out at someone personally.  I did so last night, but it was far more restrained than I wished it could have been.  I think there's a place for serious debate and we have a good place here.  I like the back and forth.  Yes, sometimes you need a thick skin, but it's mostly healthy conversation.


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## Ruthanne (Jun 14, 2016)

Ralphy1 said:


> Some seem to want only saccharine exchanges. I want some disgruntled souls pouring out their angst on all sorts of topics...


Then why don't I see you posting in the debate areas?


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## Ruthanne (Jun 14, 2016)

QuickSilver said:


> QFT+++++++   This forum is SOOOO tame it isn't funny..   I have to chuckle at those who complain about it.. particularly the political discussions.   There are forums out there that would curl their hair as well as their toenails.  I think they would have apoplexy if they read what people say to one another at other sites.    I believe that this forum reigns in the nasty quite well.. and as has been said many times.. if discussing politics ain't your cup of tea... don't


Like I said this is only to make communication better for us with the tips.  Some people are upset by some of the discussions and you laugh at them, I think that is insensitive.  I'm trying to make it better for them.  And who said this is about the politics?


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## QuickSilver (Jun 14, 2016)

Ruthanne said:


> Like I said this is only to make communication better for us with the tips.  Some people are upset by some of the discussions and you laugh at them, I think that is insensitive.  I'm trying to make it better for them.  And who said this is about the politics?



How do you propose to make it "better" for them?  BY making it uninteresting and boring for others?  Some would only want to be agreed with and any other view is considered an attack to them even if it's simply someone stating a different opinion. ..  that is not realistic.  Some shouldn't post in religious or political debates... period..


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## Robusta (Jun 14, 2016)

I am one that is horribly blunt. I am that way in the flesh as well as online.  I try not to be an asshole,but most often I fail miserably. I think it is because if I have a thought that I want to convey, that I want to do it without ambiguity. As a result I use the most plain direct verbiage that I can. In todays world people  expect that potentially contentious subjects will be addressed obliquely rather than head on. There are many university courses that actually teach folks how not to address a problem head on if fear of offending someone.
I think my children taught me the skill of bluntness. Always Dad why are you yelling at me? Because the first 3 times I asked you quietly and politely you ignored me. Now I go directly to what works!

And please do not model your new do or apparel for me unless you want my honest answer!


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## QuickSilver (Jun 14, 2016)

On the otherhand... there are ways to get ones point across without being boorish.  Sometimes situations are best handled with a feather duster rather than a sledge hammer.    Sometimes only a sledge hammer will do.   It's a wise person who knows when to use what.


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## Bobw235 (Jun 14, 2016)

In some ways, I believe this topic highlights one of the major differences between Trump and Clinton, as evidenced in their responses to the massacre in Orlando.  Trump came out of the gate with his verbal diarrhea, intent on blaming Muslims and to some extent, Obama for the tragedy.  Clinton was more restrained in her response, prompting criticism in some quarters for her failure to say "Islamic terrorism" or the like.  One one hand we have a candidate who shoots from the proverbial hip, saying whatever comes into his pea brain in the moment.  We have another candidate who takes a more measured, carefully considered approach to language and nuanced communication, preferring to see the bigger picture.  Many like Trump's take no prisoners, non "PC" style, but there are others who feel that such an approach would get us into trouble.

My intent here is not to steer this thread in a political direction, but rather to point out a real life example of communication styles.  You can also see these differences in how they use internet-based communication (Twitter) as an example.  I follow a blogger who writes about communication style.  Here's what he wrote about Trump's response to Orlando and how he uses Twitter.  Some may find it interesting.  It's brief.

We all have our preferred ways of speaking both in person and online.  I think we all need to be cognizant of how our online words may be interpreted by others, and carefully consider what we post before hitting the enter key.  Sometimes that not easy, especially in the heat of the moment.  Sometimes it feels good to just let it rip.


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## Gemma (Jun 14, 2016)

Not everyone will agree with what is posted on certain subjects.  By commenting on the content, instead of going after the poster, is a good way to keep civility at any forum.  

If a person reads a thread that they don't approve of, then why continue to visit it.  It's easier to walk away and go to threads that make you happier. 

 It is a good thing to have threads where people can debate, share their opinions and bow out on their own, than to constantly be moderated and locked down.  If a forum chooses to limit content, it surely will die a slow death.


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## Guitarist (Jun 14, 2016)

Ruthanne said:


> I'm sorry that you needed to get defensive with this.  It wasn't my intention to make anyone get that way.  I was just trying to help us have more regard for each others feelings so that the mods don't have to intervene as often.  Why put it all on the mods?  We are grown ups.



Well, chronologically, anyway!  

The idea that we are all a bunch of two-year-olds with attitude and that we can play as "not nice" as we want because the "grownups" will intervene when we get overheated is .... well .... ludicrous at best.  At our age we should be able to monitor ourselves.  

Being over 21 gives you rights, not license.


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## Jackie22 (Jun 14, 2016)

Gemma said:


> Not everyone will agree with what is posted on certain subjects.  By commenting on the content, instead of going after the poster, is a good way to keep civility at any forum.
> 
> If a person reads a thread that they don't approve of, then why continue to visit it.  It's easier to walk away and go to threads that make you happier.
> 
> It is a good thing to have threads where people can debate, share their opinions and bow out on their own, than to constantly be moderated and locked down.  If a forum chooses to limit content, it surely will die a slow death.



I agree.


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## Ruthanne (Jun 14, 2016)

Thanks for the replies.  I don't know that this was a topic to be brought up but I only wanted to help some understand each other better.  Maybe some want that and some don't care about that.  Communication is harder online because we have no nonverbal clues as we are not looking directly at each other.  In real life we are constantly looking at people's body language and adjusting what we say to fit the situation even though we do this automatically.  So, everyone will do what they want to do anyway.  :givemebeer:eace::bananalama:


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## senile1 (Jun 14, 2016)

Ruthanne said:


> I did a little search on this and found a bunch of junk but among it some good tips.  One of them is to use the smileys or emoticons to try and convey how you are feeling when you post something.  Also, be appropriate, consider your audience, consider the cultural differences if possible, think before you speak or in this case it is think before you type.
> 
> Here is a link:  Why are internet discussions less polite?
> 
> ...




This is an excellent and most important topic Ms. Ruthanne.
The internet is about the exchanging of ideology. Short of traveling, tis the best means of meeting and exchanging philosophical(including religion) and  cultural lifestyles with people throughout the world. One should at all times be aware the written word is "cold", without emotion. There is no way short of knowing the person emotional intentions short of the person stating their emotions. One should always respect the message and the writer , giving them the benefit of the doubt. Even when one is irritated and posts a negative comment,  do not let yourself become involved, tis a lose/lose situation. One should always be willing to apologize in the event one's posts legitimately offends someone, though, never apologize for respectfully disagreeing.  Never make an emotional post/reply, and  attempt to be as factual as possible. If one desires respect, give respect . We can respectfully disagree and still be friends, for that is what friendship is all about. If anyone feels at anytime that I have disrespected them, please send me a private message , and we shall discuss. My apologies if I have become long winded.
peace


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## Ruthanne (Jun 15, 2016)

senile1 said:


> This is an excellent and most important topic Ms. Ruthanne.
> The internet is about the exchanging of ideology. Short of traveling, tis the best means of meeting and exchanging philosophical(including religion) and  cultural lifestyles with people throughout the world. One should at all times be aware the written word is "cold", without emotion. There is no way short of knowing the person emotional intentions short of the person stating their emotions. One should always respect the message and the writer , giving them the benefit of the doubt. Even when one is irritated and posts a negative comment,  do not let yourself become involved, tis a lose/lose situation. One should always be willing to apologize in the event one's posts legitimately offends someone, though, never apologize for respectfully disagreeing.  Never make an emotional post/reply, and  attempt to be as factual as possible. If one desires respect, give respect . We can respectfully disagree and still be friends, for that is what friendship is all about. If anyone feels at anytime that I have disrespected them, please send me a private message , and we shall discuss. My apologies if I have become long winded.
> peace


Thanks, Senile1  I'm glad you appreciate the topic and I appreciate that you understand it and have added a lot to this discussion!


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## senile1 (Jun 15, 2016)

QuickSilver said:


> How do you propose to make it "better" for them?  BY making it uninteresting and boring for others?  Some would only want to be agreed with and any other view is considered an attack to them even if it's simply someone stating a different opinion. ..  that is not realistic.  Some shouldn't post in religious or political debates... period..





One whom cannot express themselves respectfully without insults, should shy away from any type of debates. I find ,for the most, the most aggressive of posters usually have the weakest arguments and/or narrow minded; unwilling to accept the validity of the opinions of others.


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## Bobw235 (Jun 15, 2016)

senile1 said:


> One whom cannot express themselves respectfully without insults, should shy away from any type of debates. I find ,for the most, the most aggressive of posters usually have the weakest arguments and/or narrow minded; unwilling to accept the validity of the opinions of others.



Amen!  Fully agree.


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## fureverywhere (Jun 15, 2016)

Let's not turn this into Facebook.  We need some stuff that can be highly controversial to keep it interesting... 

I think this sums it up rather nicely, controversy yes but also agreeing to disagree. A sign of intellect is being able to see all sides of an issue even if you don't agree with all sides. A sign of becoming a bitter old fart is only seeing one side in absolutes as the correct one. Then again we can just go back to tabbies with automatic weapons...


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## Debby (Jun 16, 2016)

Gemma's suggestion of responding to content instead of picking on the commenter is probably one of the best ways to debate ideas I think.  Keeps the discussion from turning personal and becoming an attack on the poster.  Also opens up the possibility for more ideas to be exchanged because new information may come to light.


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## Ruthanne (Jun 17, 2016)

senile1 said:


> One whom cannot express themselves respectfully without insults, should shy away from any type of debates. I find ,for the most, the most aggressive of posters usually have the weakest arguments and/or narrow minded; unwilling to accept the validity of the opinions of others.


Thanks, that is so true in my opinion!


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## Ruthanne (Jun 17, 2016)

QuickSilver said:


> How do you propose to make it "better" for them?  BY making it uninteresting and boring for others?  Some would only want to be agreed with and any other view is considered an attack to them even if it's simply someone stating a different opinion. ..  that is not realistic.  Some shouldn't post in religious or political debates... period..


So that put downs and name calling are held in check.  Everyone is entitled to their opinions and should voice them.  All should be able to post in religious and political debates without the fear of being called names and put down.  This would not make it uninteresting or boring for others, it would make it safer for all concerned.  When some posters are feeling their dander rise they should get up and walk away from the computer for awhile and cool off instead of taking it out on another person! Hopefully is is not what most like to see "blood sport?"


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## QuickSilver (Jun 17, 2016)

senile1 said:


> One whom cannot express themselves respectfully without insults, should shy away from any type of debates. I find ,for the most, the most aggressive of posters usually have the weakest arguments and/or narrow minded; unwilling to accept the validity of the opinions of others.




On the other hand... there are those that take any differing opinion as an insult..  Those people should stay away from a debate discussion IMO.


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## QuickSilver (Jun 17, 2016)

Ruthanne said:


> So that put downs and name calling are held in check.  Everyone is entitled to their opinions and should voice them.  All should be able to post in religious and political debates without the fear of being called names and put down.  This would not make it uninteresting or boring for others, it would make it safer for all concerned.  When some posters are feeling their dander rise they should get up and walk away from the computer for awhile and cool off instead of taking it out on another person!  Or is that what you like to see "blood sport?"



Honestly.. I have not seen any name calling or put downs on this site.  Could you point some out?   I must have missed those threads..


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## tnthomas (Jun 17, 2016)

QuickSilver said:


> Honestly.. I have not seen any name calling or put downs on this site.  Could you point some out?   I must have missed those threads..



I believe that name calling and put down threads disappear in short order, as do the posters.


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## QuickSilver (Jun 17, 2016)

tnthomas said:


> I believe that name calling and put down threads disappear in short order, as do the posters.



oh...  in which case.. the moderators are doing a FINE job and really don't need any help from the peanut gallery..  lol!!


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## Ruthanne (Jun 17, 2016)

tnthomas said:


> I believe that name calling and put down threads disappear in short order, as do the posters.


There has been some that I have seen lately.  I was lurking and watching it all.  Apparently it went unnoticed by others.


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## suze (Jun 17, 2016)

Yikes--is this still going on because of my asking if Orlando was a taboo subject?  

Suze


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## nitelite (Jun 17, 2016)

People are people. Some are considerate, some not. If we were all the same the world would be boring. If I don't care for someone's attitude, rudeness, and poor posting, then I don't read their post. I refuse to let their problem become mine.


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## Warrigal (Jun 17, 2016)

Wise philosophy, Nitelite.


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## Warrigal (Jun 17, 2016)

suze said:


> Yikes--is this still going on because of my asking if Orlando was a taboo subject?
> 
> Suze


Don't fret Suze. It's not about you. Some threads develop a life of their own and go wherever they will, and for as long as they please.


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