# What Do You Believe is or are the keys to a good relationship of many kinds?



## Ruthanne (Apr 19, 2019)

I have had many relationships in my life.  Many kinds of relationships as I'm sure most have be it parental/child, SO, employer/employee, strangers on the street.  I believe there are key things that make things work better and one of them is honest communication about and mutual respect of differences, what you think is important?  What do you think is/are the important things to effective or a good relationship of most kinds?  I hope you will be as specific as possible.  :love_heart:


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## Snowbound (Apr 19, 2019)

First and foremost in any relationship is Trust!  Without trust there is nothing.
Second would be open lines of communication.  Two people should be able to talk reasonably about anything!


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## Keesha (Apr 19, 2019)

I agree with you Snowbound . Trust is essential to any good relationship.


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## Ruthanne (Apr 19, 2019)

Snowbound said:


> First and foremost in any relationship is Trust!  Without trust there is nothing.
> Second would be open lines of communication.  Two people should be able to talk reasonably about anything!


I agree that a relationship with trust is important in a relationship with a significant other.  However, there are also relationships where we cannot have adequate time to form Trust as in a stranger on the street.  So, it is important in some regards but not all.  :love_heart:


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## Keesha (Apr 19, 2019)

Yes but you don’t have a relationship with a stranger off the street.


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## Seeker (Apr 19, 2019)

Keesha said:


> Yes but you don’t have a relationship with a stranger off the street.



I agree...

 but as far as a stranger on the street I think you just gottta be polite.


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 19, 2019)

Ruthanne said:


> I have had many relationships in my life.  Many kinds of relationships as I'm sure most have be it parental/child, SO, employer/employee, strangers on the street.  I believe there are key things that make things work better and one of them is honest communication about and mutual respect of differences, what you think is important?  What do you think is/are the important things to effective or a good relationship of most kinds?  I hope you will be as specific as possible.  :love_heart:



I think what is key to any relationship is having mutual respect, like you already mentioned Ruthanne.  Also, it's important to have empathy for the other person and not just be self-involved, that in my opinion can ruin any relationship. 

 You can have a relationship with a stranger on the street too, whether it's short or long lived, sometimes you see the same stranger often to the point that you think of them as a friend and begin to like them.  I have those relationships a lot from just folks I meet in the park when taking my dog for daily walks, first they smile, then they say hello, then the conversation goes further and it becomes pleasant to see them and have a short chat.

I also think you need to be open minded to have a good relationship, consider the other person's opinions on things whether you agree with them or not.  And don't ever insist that they agree with your thoughts, and your way is the right way only.  People who try to convert me to their way of thinking or insist that I agree with them on everything, can never have any kind of relationship with me because basically it goes back to the first thought here, mutual respect.

Treating others as you would like to be treated is also key to any relationships.


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## Keesha (Apr 19, 2019)

Seeker said:


> I agree...
> 
> but as far as a stranger on the street I think you just gottta be polite.


Absolutely. I usually smile or nod but I don’t see many


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## Falcon (Apr 19, 2019)

I can  usually  tell if I'm going to  like a  new  (to me)  person  within a  few  minutes;  Face to face  or   by  reading
something they've  written.  I'm rarely wrong.  Sure saves time.


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## Seeker (Apr 19, 2019)

> Treating others as you would like to be treated is also key to any relationships.




Yes!!!

You can develop a relationship with people you meet on the street, or say a store you frequent....

Just by being polite and conversing with them..


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## Aunt Bea (Apr 19, 2019)

For me a person has *it* or just clicks with me.

I have had some great relationships with a very diverse group of people over the years.

 I've also had some awful relationships with people that I'm supposed to love and respect.

I can get along with anyone if I put my mind to it but frankly some people are just not worth the effort. layful:nthego:


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## Ruthanne (Apr 19, 2019)

Keesha said:


> Yes but you don’t have a relationship with a stranger off the street.


Yes, you have some sort of relationship with everyone you meet like it or not.  With a person off the street you need to take extra steps at self care and also at getting to know them very slowly and cautiously.  A relationship is defined:  

the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.


synonyms:connection, relation, association, link, correlation, correspondence, parallel, tie-in, tie-up, alliance, bond, interrelation, interconnection; interdependence of
"the relationship between diet and diabetes"


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## Ruthanne (Apr 19, 2019)

Aunt Bea said:


> For me a person has *it* or just clicks with me.
> 
> I have had some great relationships with a very diverse group of people over the years.
> 
> ...


 Thanks for sharing that.


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## Ruthanne (Apr 19, 2019)

Seeker said:


> Yes!!!
> 
> You can develop a relationship with people you meet on the street, or say a store you frequent....
> 
> Just by being polite and conversing with them..


Yes, definitely.


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## Keesha (Apr 19, 2019)

Ruthanne said:


> Yes, you have some sort of relationship with everyone you meet like it or not.  With a person off the street you need to take extra steps at self care and also at getting to know them very slowly and cautiously.  A relationship is defined:
> 
> the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.
> 
> ...


Yes I believe you are right. It is a bond of some type. Just not a close one. 
Ok sit corrected. :grin:


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## jujube (Apr 19, 2019)

Respect and trust. The rest can be worked around.


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## Ruthanne (Apr 19, 2019)

jujube said:


> Respect and trust. The rest can be worked around.


Yes, with a word of caution to those we don't know yet at all, proceed slowly.


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## Keesha (Apr 20, 2019)

Keesha said:


> Yes but you don’t have a relationship with a stranger off the street.


Yes Rosemarie. You were right. We do have relationships strangers. In fact it’s the most frequent relationship considering all the people I meet while out and about. In the past I’ve said I don’t like meeting strangers but actually I do very much. Most of my interactions with people I meet while shopping or walking are positive intersections that leave me feeling good. Even today while walking our dogs we met  up with some ladies riding horses on the trails we were on. We picked up our dogs and moved off the trail, giving a wider berth for the horses. Some horses spook easy so that’s the considerate thing to do. They passed and we chatted for a moment. The older woman said that their horses aren’t used to strangers so spook easily which I understand fully. :laugh: It was a positive interaction. Whenever out and about I treat whomever with courtesy and respect.
Rarely do I have a negative interaction but it does happen at times.


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## Ruthanne (Apr 21, 2019)

Thanks for the replies.


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 25, 2019)

I don’t know.  I can’t answer this.  I wish I could.

I can’t trust my husband of 47 years in most areas.  (I am not talking about ****** matters which most people would assume I am talking about.)  He lies.  He lies all the time about everything.  He always has lied.  He can be a really nice guy, but chooses not to be most of the time.  The relationship is so complicated, and exhausting.  And I am so stuck in it.

As for other relationships, I have learned you can’t trust most people.  You can still have a relationship, but fully trust them, nope, not in today’s world.  Not in the me generation era.  I can have a relationship with anyone-my continued relationship with my husband is proof of that.


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## JimW (Apr 26, 2019)

I think honesty is the most important building block of any relationship. Without honesty, it's impossible to build trust or respect for the other person. I can usually work my way around other people's differences if they are honest with me, but if they lie to me in the beginning then any chance of having a friendship/relationship with me is usually dead in the water. I hate bullshitters with a passion, I'll even go out of my way to call them on their bs.


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## Ronni (Apr 26, 2019)

These days when the word "relationship" is offered, the connotation is that of an intimate or personal relationship, as in "yeah, we're in a relationship now," meaning that they have become a couple, they're dating, they're seeing each other.  Even facebook asks for one's "relationship status."  Most younger people these days assume that's what you're talking about when you discuss relationships, what makes a good one, etc.

But there are other kinds of relationships too, and I think that's the broader scope that the OP is talking about.  And they fall into 4 broad categories, each with sub categories of course, but still.  
Family relationships  
Friendships  
Casual Relationships  
Romantic or Intimate relationships

Trust, and an abundance of open, honest communication are foundational for me in any good relationship. I don't think you can establish trust and honesty without an abundance of communication. 

I am slow to trust, and don't trust many people outside of my nuclear family and Ron and a couple of extremely close friends.  That abundance of communication has to be present in any relationship as a first priority or I will never establish trust in the person, at least as far as family relationships and romantic relationships are concerned.  I have friendships and casual relationships where the issue of trust and communication isn't as important.  There's not a lot of heavy duty communication between us, and I don't particularly trust these people, but I don't NEED to, because our connection isn't particularly close or personal and there aren't really any situations that come up between us where there is a need for me to trust them.


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## Sassycakes (Apr 28, 2019)

Honesty and Trust are important to me.


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## AnnieA (May 7, 2019)

Honesty and trust are mentioned a lot, but they're really hard sometimes in close relationships esp. spouses and family.  I think accepting the limits of how far those might go with a person is key.  If you know there's a line in the sand, and you can't trust beyond that on whatever issue, it alters your expectations in a good/sad way.  It doesn't stop the hurt from wishing there was no need for the line in the sand, but it does give a structure to what you can expect and a framework to try to forgive beyond that. 

As far as making friends, enjoying similar things is great, but also appreciating another's differences and having that reciprocated is wonderful.


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## Aneeda72 (May 8, 2019)

AnnieA,

Exactly!  You’ve said it so much better than I have or could.  I can’t trust my husband, learned very early in our marriage that I couldn’t and over time, lots of time realized there was something way wrong with him mentally.   I’ve known many people who have had several divorces as they searched for the perfect mate.  Or they decided to live alone.

Sometimes, there are no good options and you just have to accept the way things are, survive and make the best of it.


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## Ronni (May 8, 2019)

AnnieA said:


> Honesty and trust are mentioned a lot, but they're really hard sometimes in close relationships esp. spouses and family.  I think accepting the limits of how far those might go with a person is key.  If you know there's a line in the sand, and you can't trust beyond that on whatever issue, it alters your expectations in a good/sad way.  It doesn't stop the hurt from wishing there was no need for the line in the sand, but it does give a structure to what you can expect and a framework to try to forgive beyond that.
> 
> As far as making friends, enjoying similar things is great, but also appreciating another's differences and having that reciprocated is wonderful.



My son #2 is an addict.  He's been in recovery now for several years, the longest stretch in these many years of his addiction.  At one time my trust in him was absolute, the same way it is with all my other children (I have 5.)  As his addiction progressed, I found myself trusting him less and less to the point where I considered him completely untrustworthy and dishonest, and a liar.  It's just the way it is with addicts.

Over time, as he's worked so hard on his recovery, and continued to progress emotionally and spiritually, I have regained some trust in him.  It isn't absolute, and I don't know if it ever will be again.  But I believe that one can re-build trust after betrayal, and that's what he's doing.  It's not anything I've ever asked him to do, but he is aware of how much trust he's broken with every member of his family, and is working hard to rebuild it....as HIS own choice, and not anything any of us have said to him.  

If I didn't know it before, I do know it now...it IS possible to regain trust over time, but the reach for that to happen has to be from the person who has broken trust in the first place, as a very first step towards building it back up.


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