# Senior Women, Do You Feel More Confident Than You Did When You Were Young?



## SeaBreeze (Feb 1, 2015)

Do you feel more confident and sure of yourself than you did when you were young?  I do, likely because of life experiences.  But...I've heard of some older women who have _less _confidence in their golden years.  How about you, more or less?


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## jujube (Feb 1, 2015)

Oh, definitely more confident.  Like good steel, I have been through the fire and I am strong and flexible.  The younger me had plenty of doubts about my abilities....the older me KNOWS what I can do.    I had never lived alone before.   I depended first on my parents, then on my husband.  When I became a widow, I found out how strong I actually am.  I am woman....hear me roar - lol.


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## AprilT (Feb 1, 2015)

Depends on the time of day, these mood swings can alter my confidence at any given moment :turnaround:, but, sure, way more confident over all.


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 1, 2015)




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## QuickSilver (Feb 1, 2015)

Most definately...  much of it has to do with financial security..  When I was a single mom raising my boys, I was really dependant on so many things... Ex husband.... my job... my parents ..etc so that my kids would be safe.. NOW?  pfft...   I'm financially secure and there is no one that scares me.. or that can threaten my security.  Therefore..  I'm feeling very confident..


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## LadyElaine (Feb 1, 2015)

Yes! I realized that anything that happened to me, happened to everyone else. Only I am more likely to talk about it.


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 1, 2015)

I have to say that I really admire all the strong women here who are on their own due to either loss of their husbands, or divorce.  I haven't had to live completely on my own yet, but if that day comes, I can only hope to have what it takes to move forward and keep my confidence when it matters most.


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## QuickSilver (Feb 1, 2015)

unfortunately.... now... as always... Money is confidence.  Without is you are at everyone's mercy..


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## Cinnamon (Feb 1, 2015)

I do feel more confident now.  I was a huge worrier when I was young.  I don't worry about stuff any more  -- which may be more stupidity than confidence.  I don't know, but I kind of like feeling unflappable.


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## Georgia Lady (Feb 1, 2015)

I feel more confident mentally , but do not physically.  Don't trust my strength.


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## Foxie (Feb 2, 2015)

*I, as they say, have come a long way. Most of my life I have felt fairly confident within myself even through the not so happy times. The lessons learned, I now understand, have enriched my life where I now feel more confident then ever before...*


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## Josiah (Feb 2, 2015)

If you don't mind a male joining your thread, I share QS's feelings about financial security. However in my case I've carried an obsession about money in the bank to absurd extremes in that I've denied myself much of what life has to offer in order to insure that financial security I'm so preoccupied about. In my earlier years I was not like this but having seen at close quarters what living on the edge was like really changed me. As a result I've committed most of my energies to preventing that cruel fate and I've succeeded which has led to an enjoyable feeling of confidence, but not a lot else.


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## chic (Feb 2, 2015)

Less confident.


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## hollydolly (Feb 2, 2015)

I agree with quite a few of you in different ways

I was raised in a severely  abusive household so I was never confident in my own abilities, however I was mentally strong..I had to be or I would never have survived.

I married and divorced young and became a single parent for 20 years with no help or support from either my ex husband or my family..that was difficult, I had very little money, and it was important that I got it right raising my daughter, and so again the steel backbone someone mentioned before came into play. She became an uber confident successful  woman

I married again 14 years ago...mistake..I should never have done that..and out of all my life experiences and struggles this marriage has been the one that has systematically destroyed any confidence I may have built up..

I won't go into details as to the why and wherefores, but suffice to say because of that, I am much less mentally strong, than ever in my life..


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## Josiah (Feb 2, 2015)

hollydolly said:


> I agree with quite a few of you in different ways
> 
> I was raised in a severely  abusive household so I was never confident in my own abilities, however I was mentally strong..I had to be or I would never have survived.
> 
> ...



HD you are a heroine in my eyes and I'm sure in the eyes of many others on SF. As a member of the forum you come across as a very self-assured, positive person.


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## Jackie22 (Feb 2, 2015)

Most definitely, more confident, I've had my share of life's trails and I do believe it makes one stronger and wiser as Foxie stated.


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## Jackie22 (Feb 2, 2015)

Josiah09 said:


> HD you are a heroine in my eyes and I'm sure in the eyes of many others on SF. As a member of the forum you come across as a very self-assured, positive person.



I agree, Josiah.


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## rporter610 (Feb 2, 2015)

Hollydolly, Jujube, and others who responded, I think being a confident woman at our age is difficult.  Many of us were not raised to be confident in ourselves, but rather to rely on a man/husband to provide what we needed.  LIke many of you, I married with that belief in mind, and was rudely awakened that it wasn't going to happen that way.  I too am divorced.  Over the last 30 years I have gained confidence, self-reliance, resilience, and other qualities that I would never have thought I would have, back when I was the younger me in college. I have a bright, confident, single daughter who does not rely on men for her self-worth.  I  have avoided remarrying.  I don't want to give up my independence or let a man think he can control me.  Been there, done that.  If more men were like Josiah, there might be hope!


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## QuickSilver (Feb 2, 2015)

In fairness.... not ALL men seek to be controling and domineering.   I have been married 3 times.  My first 2 husbands were very controling... but by the time number 3 came around I knew what I was and wasn't going to stand for.  Being in my 50's at the time helped as I had gained experience and confidence both in my profession and in my life.   My present husband is a helpmate... he is NOT the captain of the ship.. we are copilots.


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## shedevil7953 (Feb 2, 2015)

I think confidence comes with life experiences and, as a result, develops wisdom.  I have more confidence now and to the point of I don't care what people think of me anymore.  Too many years I worried about that.  Did I fit in?  Did I dress right?  Was I successful in their eyes?  Hooey!  When I stopped worrying about what everyone else thought and more about learning to like myself as I was, I became more confident.  As we age and have lived through life experiences, I believe we've 'earned', if you will, the privilege to say or think what we want and not feel the the 'need' to apologize if our opinions are not 'popular'.  'When I Am Old, I Shall Wear Purple' is my personal anthem .


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## Cookie (Feb 2, 2015)

shedevil7953 said:


> I think confidence comes with life experiences and, as a result, develops wisdom.  I have more confidence now and to the point of I don't care what people think of me anymore.  Too many years I worried about that.  Did I fit in?  Did I dress right?  Was I successful in their eyes?  Hooey!  When I stopped worrying about what everyone else thought and more about learning to like myself as I was, I became more confident.  As we age and have lived through life experiences, I believe we've 'earned', if you will, the privilege to say or think what we want and not feel the the 'need' to apologize if our opinions are not 'popular'.  'When I Am Old, I Shall Wear Purple' is my personal anthem .



That is so true.  My sentiments exactly.


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## Cookie (Feb 2, 2015)

Josiah09 said:


> HD you are a heroine in my eyes and I'm sure in the eyes of many others on SF. As a member of the forum you come across as a very self-assured, positive person.



HD - I agree totally with Josiah - 200%


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## AprilT (Feb 2, 2015)

Josiah09 said:


> HD you are a heroine in my eyes and I'm sure in the eyes of many others on SF. As a member of the forum you come across as a very self-assured, positive person.




Indeed.  :thumbsup1:


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## RadishRose (Feb 2, 2015)

I'll second that Josiah!

I am also much more confidant in my senior years than when I was young.


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## Kitties (Feb 3, 2015)

I'll be 55 this year and I've actually been thinking about this. I wonder if I can make the years ahead better than some that were behind me. 

I agree that money can help. When I graduated from nursing school (I only have an Associates degree) almost 23 years ago, having enough money helped a lot. With my job killing me lately, I'm probably going to quit it this year. Will go back to being broke but I think I'll be OK. Prior to going to school, I had a variety of menial low paying jobs but I always worked and supported myself. 

So right now I'm feeling much more confident than I was at 20.


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## Cookie (Feb 3, 2015)

I feel more confident - but I don't have to deal with a lot of the bs I had to put up with when I was younger, including terrible jobs, men and lack of money issues.  Experience is a big part of it - we learn as we get older how to do things better and how to deal with situations and people.  Didn't someone say, if I only knew then what I know now, life would have been a lot easier.  C'est la vie!


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 3, 2015)

hollydolly said:


> I was raised in a severely  abusive household so I was never confident in my own abilities, however I was mentally strong..I had to be or I would never have survived.
> 
> I married and divorced young and became a single parent for 20 years with no help or support from either my ex husband or my family..that was difficult, I had very little money, and it was important that I got it right raising my daughter, and so again the steel backbone someone mentioned before came into play. She became an uber confident successful  woman
> 
> ...



Hollydolly, I admire you for raising your daughter so well under those circumstances, that is quite an accomplishment in itself.  Sorry to hear that your second marriage had such a negative effect on your well-being, it's amazing how another person can have such devastating influences on our self-esteem and confidence.  Like Josiah and others here have said, you show yourself to be very positive and strong lady and a fine example of a senior woman.  Very happy that you're here with us.


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## halalu (Feb 4, 2015)

Hello Seabreeze

Do you know where a senior woman can move to and enjoy the last days of their life?


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## hollydolly (Feb 4, 2015)

SB...thank you, I'm not ashamed to say your comment made me quite emotional.. xxx


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## halalu (Feb 4, 2015)

I am very confident, I have always had to be. At the age of 35, I owned a home, had 2 car s and a dog in the yard. I worked long hours because I was raising a child on my own. I  was not and never received child support. Now I  don't have those things any more because my job status changed. I just want to find a location that will allow me to enjoy my last days on this earth and live a comfortable lifestyle. Any one know where the single senior women are?


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 4, 2015)

halalu said:


> Hello Seabreeze
> 
> Do you know where a senior woman can move to and enjoy the last days of their life?



Sorry Halalu, I don't know of any particular places for a senior woman to move in her golden years, that is very much a personal preference where climate, personality and financial status has much influence.


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## 123Testing (Feb 4, 2015)

Been divorced since 1992. Spent 20+ yrs as a single mom to 4 boys. Those "teen" years were ROUGH! *Heck... they had me outnumbered!!!!* But thanks to the family farm... was able to keep them busy, and they most certainly learned the most valuable lessons in life about "work ethic"!!!! Those boys are now aged 25-31... and they are HARD WORKERS! and make impressive money!

I may be a poor woman now... but I don't mind much. The truth be told... the day I die... it's not like I can take all my possessions and money, with me? right? What I left behind was a legacy. A very important one! Somehow... I did something right.


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## rporter610 (Feb 6, 2015)

halalu said:


> I am very confident, I have always had to be. At the age of 35, I owned a home, had 2 car s and a dog in the yard. I worked long hours because I was raising a child on my own. I  was not and never received child support. Now I  don't have those things any more because my job status changed. I just want to find a location that will allow me to enjoy my last days on this earth and live a comfortable lifestyle. Any one know where the single senior women are?



Not sure if it would work for you, but in the Minneapolis/St Paul area (and probably other metro areas as well) there are senior living apartments with differing levels of care, run by the Episcopal Church, the Lutheran Church, and the Volunteers of America.  There are costs involved, but the living situations are secure and operated by caring people.  I have one friend who recently moved into one of the Episcopal places and loves it.  It's not for everyone, but it is a safe place for single women.  Good luck to you!


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