# Grief, anxiety, fear and panic.



## Blessed (Sep 30, 2022)

I started a thread about being a widow.  I can't seem to find it.  I am having another one of those periods of grief.  I am having anxiety, panic attacks.  Fear, I feel it and there is no reason why I should.  Nothing bad has happened, I just all the sudden am overwhelmed once again. Will this ever go away? Does anyone else have this happen?


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## Lawrence (Sep 30, 2022)

I have those attacks happen to me also and have had to live with them also. I take medicines that help but are not a cure all for them. When they hit me hard, I just hide in my cave and stay away from the world. I do things that I can do by myself like one person games.


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## Lewkat (Sep 30, 2022)

I've posted this in the past.  Good idea to take a look at it again.  Hope it helps.


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## Pepper (Sep 30, 2022)

It's called GAD--Generalized Anxiety Disorder.  It moves in waves, rolling in and out without needed a cause.  Your OP could have been written by me.  You described it perfectly.


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## jujube (Sep 30, 2022)

Yes, my husband has been gone for almost 17 years and I still get spells of remembering that horrible night and getting panicky thoughts, even though I'm in a long-time relationship now.


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## Gaer (Sep 30, 2022)

Six years and he died in my arms.  It took 4-5 years to rid of the attacks of grief you described.
This may sound silly to you but I'm focusing on learning as much as I can (because we keep this through 
other lives), making my surroundings lovely so Angels will want to come and visit, becoming healthy
in the body by taking nutrients and "thinking young".  Stand tall, walk fast, SMILE, (fake it till you make it)
dance with yourself, sing to yourself, create or enhance anything, help anyone, create anything to make 
the world more interesting or beautiful, speak softly, meditate, pray, give thanks, FEEL the wonder and LOVE
within your own soul and send this out into the atmosphere.  It's our duty to make ourselves and our world
worthy of God's viewing.  It's our purpose to expand our happiness.
But when suffering or sadness comes into the conscious mind, kick it out RIGHT AWAY and replace it with 
a feeling that something wonderful is about to happen.  (because it will)
Pepper is right.  It moves in waves!  Sometimes it crushes you so you HAVE to feel the weight of it.
But, YOU ARE A STRONG WOMAN!  You can get through this!  Yes, This will soften.
Your cheerless heart shall again open to the light and you will be well again.   Bless your heart.


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## PamfromTx (Sep 30, 2022)

While mom was hospitalized for various reasons ... the nurses (who knew me quite well) would tell my sisters and I that it was very likely that we'd get Dementia as well.  It runs in the family, they said. 

That is one of my worries.  

Getting cancer again is the biggest fear and I do get anxious and worried.  I do my breathing and it helps.  Or I go out and shop til I drop.  Hehehe.  {Just kidding about the shopping.)


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## Nathan (Sep 30, 2022)

Blessed said:


> I started a thread about being a widow.  I can't seem to find it.  I am having another one of those periods of grief.  I am having anxiety, panic attacks.  Fear, I feel it and there is no reason why I should.  Nothing bad has happened, I just all the sudden am overwhelmed once again. Will this ever go away? Does anyone else have this happen?


Grief is horrible, I don't try to hide it or fight it....comes like in waves, then recedes.   Sometimes a thought of my daughter triggers it, sometimes a glance at her picture.   Sometimes those things don't cause a sorrow episode.
The ancient and modern "advice" on coping with anxiety and thoughts of horror are pretty much the same:  don't resist, let the thought/feeling happen, accept it, it will pass when ready.   Breathe.


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## bingo (Sep 30, 2022)

there's a  little  known wild flower ...american blue vervain...brew a tea...whole plant  is edible can even heal neurons....slow seizures..calm nerves and  anxiety...no side effects...best to you hon


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## Remy (Sep 30, 2022)

I think it's normal especially since you were used to being married. I hope it passes soon.


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## Blessed (Sep 30, 2022)

Thank you all!


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## Remy (Sep 30, 2022)

bingo said:


> there's a  little  known wild flower ...american blue vervain...brew a tea...whole plant  is edible can even heal neurons....slow seizures..calm nerves and  anxiety...no side effects...best to you hon


Is that the same or similar to Valarian? I have the industrial sized liquid bottle in my fridge.


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## OneEyedDiva (Sep 30, 2022)

Blessed, I'm experiencing periods of grief at times. I've lost too many I loved and cared about in the past going on 5 years, including my husband. Most recent was my DIL and her twin. My DIL was truly like my daughter and I still can't wrap my head around the fact that she's really gone. I agree with @Nathan that sometimes we need to just allow ourselves to feel the grief. But at the same time, I hope you find that something in this thread is helpful. Take good care.


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## Blessed (Sep 30, 2022)

I have lost my husband, just nine days later, his Mom.  Since I have lost my Mom and my best friend.  It makes it harder when there is no longer anyone to share with to try to help you fill in the empty parts of your heart.  You are truly blessed to have your son there.  I have a son, he lives not far away but is very busy with work, his own family.  I try not to call him unless I have to.  He is very good at taking care of the yard and things I can't do anymore.  I don't want to keep him from taking care of his own responsibilities.  He and his family lived with me about 3 1/2 years, it was such a joy to have a purpose. To help look after have a beautiful little child!


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## bingo (Oct 1, 2022)

Remy said:


> Is that the same or similar to Valarian? I have the industrial sized liquid bottle in my fridge.


could be a derivative?
most all medicines now are chemical compounds... but there is a wild plant that  the root is used in herbal treatments...valerian root....helps promote better sleep


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## Gary O' (Oct 1, 2022)

Grief, anxiety, fear and panic​


Remy said:


> I think it's normal


I must be one numb skull
I've seen it
Haven't experienced it

My woman used to go deep into depression when we first met
Jus' go to bed, not get up.....for days
No real reason....seemed

Then, after being around me for a few years, she pretty much just gets mad.
Gee.....I wonder why


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## Bella (Oct 1, 2022)

Blessed said:


> *I started a thread about being a widow. * I can't seem to find it. * I am having another one of those periods of grief.  I am having anxiety, panic attacks.*  Fear, I feel it and there is no reason why I should.  Nothing bad has happened, I just all the sudden am overwhelmed once again. *Will this ever go away? Does anyone else have this happen?*


I've tried to explain this to people who ask how I am. I have one friend who, shortly after my husband died, said to me, "They say it takes about a year to get over it." I gently said to her,_ "They_ don't know what they're talking about. Only those who have been where I am truly understand that you never "get over it." She's been divorced and said to me, "It's like a death." No, it isn't. It's the death of a marriage, not the death of a spouse. It doesn't compare. People try to empathize, and I appreciate it, but I really don't expect them to get it.

My husband died four and a half years ago. My aunt, who we looked after for eight years, also died three months after he died. Five months after that, my cousin, who was the only one who stuck by my side after my husband died, also died. My last aunt died two months later. Then a couple who were very good friends of my husband and me died within four months of each other. Four months later, my brother-in-law was found dead in his apartment. A few months ago, I lost another old friend. Another cousin was recently diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer.

For me, it's a daily struggle. I can't tell you how much I miss my husband. There are times when the grief is so overwhelming that I fear it will swallow me. Grief ebbs and flows, but it never leaves you. You can't file it under "Dead Husband," "Parent," "Child," "Sibling," or "Friend." You can't stuff it in a drawer or shove it to the back of a closet. It's always with you. The only thing you can do is the thing we all do. We carry it and learn to manage it because it has no place else to go.

My loved ones are always with me. I keep their spirits alive by remembering them and talking about them. They never leave me. I carry them in my mind, my heart and my soul._ Their spirits live in me. _

Bella __


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## Pepper (Oct 1, 2022)

What a beautiful post @Bella!


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## MountainRa (Oct 1, 2022)

You have had an unusual amount of deaths to deal with in a short amount of time. No wonder you are struggling.
have you read of the Ball in the Box analogy concerning dealing with grief?
if not, google it and see if you can relate. Other people do a better job of explaining it than I can do here.


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## Blessed (Oct 1, 2022)

Bella, thanks so much for sharing.  It is true, we can never get over it!  We learn to manage our emotions the best we can but at least for me I still get knocked to the ground, have to struggle to carry on. I miss him and think of him everyday.


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## Ruthanne (Oct 1, 2022)

Yes I relate.  Sometimes I wake up feeling scared to death of more bad things happening.  I am a widow too for many, many years.  I was young and all my hopes and dreams died with him.  I have gotten somewhat past that part.  I do understand though what you described.


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## CarolfromTX (Oct 1, 2022)

I am truly sorry for your loss. See a doctor. There are meds that will help. Nothing to be ashamed of.  Meds won’t bring anyone back but they will help you deal with it. God bless.


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## Blessed (Oct 1, 2022)

I have and do see the doctor.  I do take meds and I am not ashamed of it or the fact that I have been to therapy to help with the problem.  I know that is also normal for any one to have these feelings. There are still times when it overwhelms me.


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## Ruthanne (Oct 1, 2022)

Blessed said:


> I have and do see the doctor.  I do take meds and I am not ashamed of it or the fact that I have been to therapy to help with the problem.  I know that is also normal for any one to have these feelings. There are still times when it overwhelms me.


I talk to a doctor on the phone and also a counselor every 2 weeks.  I look forward to talking to them both.  They are very kind and sensitive to my needs.

Yes there are times when my feelings overwhelm me,  too, and I need to reach out.  I hope your day gets better


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## Blessed (Nov 16, 2022)

Okay, I am tired of this, being here alone without him.  Doing everything on my own.  Making all the decisions.  I need a good cry but he was always here to hold me when I had to do it.  Now, it brings no relief,  I know I have to get up tomorrow and do it all again, alone.  F***, s*** and every other curse word!!!


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## Teacher Terry (Nov 16, 2022)

_It sounds like you had a great marriage and I am sorry your husband is gone. Sending hugs. _


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