# afraid to try to have a long-term relationship with a fella



## Denise1952

I wanted to be clear on the topic, so it turned out long, but that's it.  I've been alone about 18 years, but for all but the last two, I really looked for someone.  Then I just got content, and felt I was over ever wanting to meet someone, but guess I still have that hope.  But I met up with a guy from highschool that I always liked, but was dating another guy.  We are both single now, and he is still such a nice guy.  He wants us to meet, and I am afraid I will find all the things I can find, that are wrong with him

I feel depressed a lot since I moved into my place.  It's like "thinking" everything was finally going to be ok, but I'm not ok, feel like crying, and like life stinks.

Please forgive the whine, denise


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## SifuPhil

Are you sure you shouldn't just get some goldfish? 

My roomie was like me for the longest time - basically leading a monk's (nuns?) life. Now all of a sudden she has two guys calling and texting her - the new guy she just met while out at the store, and the other one is a former BF from years ago.

She's questioning me on all sorts of things regarding these two but I told her I can't make that kind of decision for her - only SHE can decide.

Problem is: with the new guy she's afraid to go anywhere except to her usual restaurant, and only for lunch, not dinner, because it won't be dark out(?).

With the other guy her history sounds a bit spotty with some abuse - at least, mental - from him in the distant past.

Thing is, she lives in the past and cannot get over her previous wounds. I think it's keeping her from enjoying the present, but of course I didn't live her life.

Take every day as new, every relationship as starting fresh. Forget the past - open up to new possibilities. Step outside your safety zone.

... but always keep your guard up. 


Remember, Denise, this is advice coming from a monk. That's like asking a lamb what to do about the lion problem.


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## NancyNGA

Denise1952 said:


> But I met up with a guy from highschool that I always liked, but was dating another guy.  We are both single now, and he is still such a nice guy.  He wants us to meet, and I am afraid I will find all the things I can find, that are wrong with him



Just my opinion, but I say go for it Denise.  Otherwise you may always wonder, "What if?"   

I think your sadness is a temporary thing, and is only natural because you have made so many changes recently.   You are just too positive a person to stay down for long.  :grouphug:


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## Denise1952

Thanks, both of you.  I can't help but think about long term, like, what about when things are "normal" and the excitement of the new wears off.  How can I get used to being around someone when I've been such a loner.  I never thought about this when I was young, I did just jump in.  But I was always kind of like a fly.  When in the house, the fly wants out, when outside, it wants in.


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## hollydolly

Awww Denise you're not whining...never think that...you're here among friends and asking for help, completely normal!!

I'm not expert of course but I think you're feelings of being 'not ok' since moving into your new place probably stems not only for your high expectations of living alone after the transient  situations in which you've been having to live in the last 2 years..but also the high stress levels..so it's absolutely normal for you to believe that as soon as you removed yourself from that , then things would revert back to being the Normal you expected it to be, but of course, it won't be..not at first. You're living alon for the first time in a while...you've got new neighbours whom you don't know well and you have to get used to...you're bound to be missing the company of people to talk and listen when you needed...even if you're not missing the negative aspects of some of them ..and even missing some of whom you may have become close with over the last 2 years!!

new area..new home, new neighbours, lack of company...little money...all equates to you feeling lonely I'm sure, and not surprising at all that you're thinking of a possible relationship again, but your confidence has taken a HUGE Kick in the behind of late, and it must seem that you are always going to be searching for the negative in what initially looks like the Pot of Gold in the rainbow..you've been burned so many times with so many things in such a short period, that you're justifiably scared that something you think will turn out well just might not, so instead the your inner self protection will kick in foirst and you'll be searching for the negative in a guy before the positives.

Denise, you know this guy, you've known him a long time...why not go along for just some very casual dating, nothing serious, don't think of it as a possible long term commitment, just go to enjoy each others' company on a fun basis and see what transpires.

It's what I would do in your situation  , I wish you luck chica you deserve some!!


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## Denise1952

I guess I'd like to hear about someone like me, been alone "maybe" too long, but they met someone, and actually are doing well for the long-term.  But of course I still want to hear from anyone that wants to reply  I learn a bit of something from whoever posts.


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## SifuPhil

Denise1952 said:


> Thanks, both of you.  I can't help but think about long term, like, what about when things are "normal" and the excitement of the new wears off.  How can I get used to being around someone when I've been such a loner.  I never thought about this when I was young, I did just jump in.  But I was always kind of like a fly.  When in the house, the fly wants out, when outside, it wants in.



May I suggest then that madame obtain the services of a male escort? No long-term commitments and pay by the hour ...


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## Denise1952

hollydolly said:


> Awww Denise you're not whining...never think that...you're here among friends and asking for help, completely normal!!
> 
> I'm not expert of course but I think you're feelings of being 'not ok' since moving into your new place probably stems not only for your high expectations of living alone after the transient  situations in which you've been having to live in the last 2 years..but also the high stress levels..so it's absolutely normal for you to believe that as soon as you removed yourself from that , then things would revert back to being the Normal you expected it to be, but of course, it won't be..not at first. You're living alon for the first time in a while...you've got new neighbours whom you don't know well and you have to get used to...you're bound to be missing the company of people to talk and listen when you needed...even if you're not missing the negative aspects of some of them ..and even missing some of whom you may have become close with over the last 2 years!!
> 
> new area..new home, new neighbours, lack of company...little money...all equates to you feeling lonely I'm sure, and not surprising at all that you're thinking of a possible relationship again, but your confidence has taken a HUGE Kick in the behind of late, and it must seem that you are always going to be searching for the negative in what initially looks like the Pot of Gold in the rainbow..you've been burned so many times with so many things in such a short period, that you're justifiably scared that something you think will turn out well just might not, so instead the your inner self protection will kick in foirst and you'll be searching for the negative in a guy before the positives.
> 
> Denise, you know this guy, you've known him a long time...why not go along for just some very casual dating, nothing serious, don't think of it as a possible long term commitment, just go to enjoy each others' company on a fun basis and see what transpires.
> 
> It's what I would do in your situation  , I wish you luck chica you deserve some!!



Funny to realize someone you only know online, can know me so well.  You certainly been paying attention Holly, thanks so much.  It helps to see you "get" me, because I believe you spelled me out perfectly.

I think meeting him would be good, for sure.  It's a drive for me, but I don't want him to come here because I feel I need to call the shots on when to leave.  It's also my hometown, where he lives, and I would love to go back for a visit anyway.  So much I am not done with here, getting furniture, unpacking, organizing.  Plus, it's raining so much.  Well, I'll just keep thinking about it.  He's been single only 2 years, and is retired, has a nice home on the river, and he is so ready to meet someone.  I find that with a lot of men my age.  It's ok if they are eager, but no one is going to rush me into anything, I hope.


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## hollydolly

Good girl, take it slowly..light heartedly..old friends meeting up , and keep it strictly on your terms... this guy may not be the right guy for you long term anywya, but the first thing you have to concentrate on is just getting your self esteem and confidence back..so take it  slowly slowly, then  catchee monkey..


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## Denise1952

LOL, you are a hoot Holly, catchee monkey  Not meeting someone, and giving them at least a chance, or giving the me a chance too, is saying I will be alone the rest of my life.  I don't think that sounds good


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## hollydolly

Denise1952 said:


> LOL, you are a hoot Holly, catchee monkey  Not meeting someone, and giving them at least a chance, or giving the me a chance too, is saying I will be alone the rest of my life.  I don't think that sounds good




Yep ..I totally agree...


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## GeorgiaXplant

Holly's got it, Denise! May I add that part of your feeling of depression might be like the post-Christmas letdown? the feeling of anticipation and excitement leading up to the holidays, then when New Year's is over, it feels like it was all so long ago and there's nothing to look forward to except the bleakness of winter.

After my husband died, I was all at sea trying to figure out what to do, and when I finally made the decision to come here and have my little place built onto the back of my daughter's house, there was all the planning that went into the move and into the actual building. I was so relieved that I was actually going to have a place to "land". Imagine my surprise when everything was done and I was all moved in and it registered that there was no "next" thing.

You've been kind of a nomad for a while now. Give yourself some time to settle in and adjust to your new normal! Revel in the notion of getting to go to sleep in your own place in your own bed and waking up in your own place in your own bed.

As for the idea of meeting someone, after the initial grief wore off and the aloneness of my situation set in, I was open to the idea of letting someone else "happen", but I didn't make any effort and feel like now it's far too late. If a gentleman caller just happened to serendipitously appear that would be fine, but I won't be on the lookout for anyone.

Maybe your Mr. Serendipity happened along. What can it hurt to get reacquainted? Catching up and playing "remember when?" is fun. It's not like you'd be expected to march off to the local JP and get married. Heck, you might discover that he's just what the doctor ordered and become a new old friend. At the very least, he may introduce you to his friends who will become your friends, too.

One can never have too many friends.


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## SeaBreeze

SifuPhil said:


> Are you sure you shouldn't just get some goldfish?
> 
> Thing is, she lives in the past and cannot get over her previous wounds. I think it's keeping her from enjoying the present, but of course I didn't live her life.
> Take every day as new, every relationship as starting fresh. Forget the past - open up to new possibilities. Step outside your safety zone.
> 
> ... but always keep your guard up.



I agree with Phil here, excellent advice, except I'd trade the goldfish for a furkid.   If anything happened to my husband, I don't think I would ever have a serious relationship with another man, definitely not live with one is the way I feel now, and I can't see that changing.  And I've been with him for over 40 years, almost always have been in a relationship, never really on my own.

You should be enjoying your new place, but I know you've been through a lot and moving in isn't going to bring real happiness right away...hugs.  Like Sifu suggested, don't fret over the past, it's a waste of your precious moments in the now.  Stay open to possibilities, but like with many things in life, don't have too high of expectations, then you're never too disappointed if things don't work out.  Most importantly, watch your back, nobody else will (and follow you gut feelings). :love_heart:


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## jujube

Denise - remember:  "normal" is overrated, in my humble opinion....

I've been in a relationship for over six years now and it's going as well as can be expected, considering that we're not all that compatible (other than liking to travel and a few other aspects).  It's not the love affair of the century (I had that with my late husband), it's not the sex affair of the century (I've briefly had that, too, and while it was nice, it didn't make up for what was missing from the relationship), but there's enough good stuff to make it work for us.  We muddle along, probably better than a lot of people who have been married for 50 years.  I learned that I CAN live without a man but I prefer NOT to live without a man.  

Sometimes, you just have to close your eyes and take the leap.  Otherwise you spend the rest of your life saying "what if, what if, what if" and after a while, there IS no more "what if".


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## Denise1952

I thank all the input, and will be back to check on possibly more later.  I hope there is nothing wrong with just, wanting to sleep a lot (2 hour naps last 3 days).  I'm not sick, I just feel I need more rest, of course lastnight, I only slept about 4 hours, if that, duh!! see you all later I'm sure denise


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## SifuPhil

Denise, be careful about getting enough sleep.

I once spent a week getting only one hour of sleep a night. On Saturday morning I woke up with a yak in my bed.

A MALE yak.


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## jujube

SifuPhil said:


> Denise, be careful about getting enough sleep.
> 
> I once spent a week getting only one hour of sleep a night. On Saturday morning I woke up with a yak in my bed.
> 
> A MALE yak.



Was it just the yak's head or the whole yak?  That will tell us a lot about WHY the yak was in your bed.


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## fureverywhere

slowly slowly, then  catchee monkey..







Yep I think that sums it up perfectly. Sometimes we gotta break out of our comfort zone. It can be really really hard sometimes...but it can be so darn empowering. Then you give yourself a big hug just for trying. It might work beautifully or it might not. But you know you stepped out there and tried. I admire you guys, I've never lived alone ever. Like last night we dropped my Dad off. He has a nice sized condo. Full sized plus a guest bedroom and bath. I was thinking that last night...going home to nobody...not even a hamster in the house. I don't think I could do that.


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## Denise1952

SifuPhil said:


> Denise, be careful about getting enough sleep.
> 
> I once spent a week getting only one hour of sleep a night. On Saturday morning I woke up with a yak in my bed.
> 
> A MALE yak.


I don't understand sweetie, but if that's what happens if I don't get my rest, I am glad I had this nap today


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## Denise1952

fureverywhere said:


> slowly slowly, then  catchee monkey..
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Yep I think that sums it up perfectly. Sometimes we gotta break out of our comfort zone. It can be really really hard sometimes...but it can be so darn empowering. Then you give yourself a big hug just for trying. It might work beautifully or it might not. But you know you stepped out there and tried. I admire you guys, I've never lived alone ever. Like last night we dropped my Dad off. He has a nice sized condo. Full sized plus a guest bedroom and bath. I was thinking that last night...going home to nobody...not even a hamster in the house. I don't think I could do that.



Thanks Fur, I'm used to living alone for the most part, that's why it scares me to ever "have" to live with anyone again.  I guess there are people that I might be comfy enough around to live with, just never met anyone.


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## SifuPhil

jujube said:


> Was it just the yak's head or the whole yak?  That will tell us a lot about WHY the yak was in your bed.



Oh, it was the whole yak, all right - I didn't refuse to cast anybody in my movie. 



Denise1952 said:


> I don't understand sweetie, but if that's what happens if I don't get my rest, I am glad I had this nap today



Well, without sleep one's judgement suffers. I had been out to the single's bar Friday night ...


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## SifuPhil

fureverywhere said:


> slowly slowly, then  catchee monkey..



As the official mascot ("Prunee Philly") of SF I vote that as our official phrase.

Senior Forums - Where You Catchee Monkey!



> I don't think I could do that.



You never know until you try.


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## Denise1952

SifuPhil said:


> Oh, it was the whole yak, all right - I didn't refuse to cast anybody in my movie.
> 
> 
> 
> Well, without sleep one's judgement suffers. I had been out to the single's bar Friday night ...



LOL, "thanks, for the memories, lala lala lal"!


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## Warrigal

I agree with Phil too. Be open to new possibilities but always consider the problems just around the corner, particularly the health problems.
I would not be too keen on facing  serious ill health of a partner, including strokes and dementia, unless that person was very special indeed.


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## fureverywhere

You never know until you try. 

Really though...I lived at home, then first husband and multiple cats, then son and multiple cats, then second hubby and love of my life and several cats and eventually five kids, briefly me and three kids and multiple cats, back to hubby with three kids multiple cats and dog, minus one kid add another dog, hubby and two dogs five cats and a pack of rats. If I can use the bathroom alone I'm good.


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## SifuPhil

fureverywhere said:


> You never know until you try.
> 
> Really though...I lived at home, then first husband and multiple cats, then son and multiple cats, then second hubby and love of my life and several cats and eventually five kids, briefly me and three kids and multiple cats, back to hubby with three kids multiple cats and dog, minus one kid add another dog, hubby and two dogs five cats and a pack of rats. *If I can use the bathroom alone I'm good*.



LOL!

Okay, I see one constant in all of that - furkids. Makes you think, doesn't it? 

Critters are nice and all - I know people that totally give their lives over to them - but to me they'll never replace the touch or the mind of a woman. Critters to me are like using a toothpick when you're starving - yes, it gives your mouth something to do but it doesn't provide nourishment.


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## fureverywhere

add another dog, hubby and two dogs five cats and a pack of rats...and still two kids living at home. 

I know exactly what you're saying Philly, a warm cat or dog is sweet. But another warm human who understands you, nothing like it. Then it's time to push the fur kids out of bed and have some quiet time


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## Denise1952

Warrigal said:


> I agree with Phil too. Be open to new possibilities but always consider the problems just around the corner, particularly the health problems.
> I would not be too keen on facing  serious ill health of a partner, including strokes and dementia, unless that person was very special indeed.



Well some things just work themselves out without raising a finger, and my situation did.  This guy moves too fast for me, period.  I seem to meet fellas that are too needy, or something??  Beats me, but I had to tell him that I was not into anything other than yackin on the phone a little. I mean I don't know you at all and you are speculating on me moving in with you!!!!!!!!  I'm not even sad, and I'm not depressed because I feel so grateful I live so far away from this guy.  I'm so grateful, once again, to have my own, safe, little home


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## jnos

Just want to chime in here, as one of the ones where the second time around has lasted--so far at least. :laugh: I was married, had two little ones and split in 1974. I was alone 20 years (albeit as single mom with kids). When they were in junior high school I (we) lived with someone for six months until he showed his dark side and I packed up and left. A few years later I met someone very different from any guy I'd ever gone with--truly a "nice" guy who treats women with respect. We have been together 21 years. We're older now and while he may not be the most exciting man I've know, we have a pretty good deal going. 

It sounds like your mind is racing ahead with "what ifs." Staying in the present is hard to do but it will save you a lot of turmoil. If you go out with him for dinner or whatever, focus on the meal, the company and enjoy some reminiscing. Listen to your gut and you will know how it feels to you inside. That's what counts. At the end of the evening, at the least you will hopefully have been given another pleasant memory. You are then free to do what feels right to you--maybe going out again, maybe saying it was fun but not something I want to repeat. Trust in yourself. You ARE your best friend.

Best wishes


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## fureverywhere

Then learn from mistakes. One guy I met...I thought oh yes this will work out. A He was waiting for his Ex to come waltzing in any minute B He was so full of himself that he thought he was doing me a favor...Dwarf hillbilly with a real dis-like of women does it get worse than that? Oh he hated cats too. May he burn in Hell or whatever cock-eyed Christianity he believed in.

Never again Holy Grist


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## Shalimar

I love animals, pine if I don't have them. It isn't a home. They are family. Need plants also. Love my kids. Do I need a man? No, but my life would be greatly enriched by sharing love with the right one.


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## Cookie

there used to be a book out there in the 90s -- 'Men are Just Desserts'.  And Gloria Steinem says "a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle".  

I agree Shali, animals, plants, our children, make life full.  A few nice men are the icing on the cake of life.


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## fureverywhere

he That's it but hubby will curse these cats. Jesu grist so...but buy the biggest catty yum yum bag for them? Yes he wil treat them when the dogs are upstairs.


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## imp

Neesy, it looks like, here, to me anyway, that all nice ladies and one nice ladies' man are evaluating your situation.

So, here's the IMP_licity _conclusions...........

You are in your new place only a week, and feel unsure about that, a bit.

You are feeling deep down inside like age 18 again.

Go for it for a spell; if long-term results are likely to flourish, they will take care of things themselves, not to worry. If short-term results are looking likely to not fluorish into long-term ones, they, too, will take care of themselves. 

Straight from the wishing well, you can believe an imp!


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## vickyNightowl

Denise,don't be afraid to live and feel.just remember your worth.


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## SifuPhil

Cookie said:


> there used to be a book out there in the 90s -- 'Men are Just Desserts'.  And Gloria Steinem says "a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle".
> 
> I agree Shali, animals, plants, our children, make life full.  A few nice men are the icing on the cake of life.



So ... I'm just ... *sniff* ... icing?


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## vickyNightowl

Its better to be called 'icing' than the 'dry spongecake' lmao


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## Shalimar

Philly,except for possibly fruitcake without marzipan, icing is the best part of cake. Cheer up. We all still love you. Lol.


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## GeorgiaXplant

"Just Desserts"

Women who marry solely for money get their just desserts. That's today's attempt at humor.

Denise, aren't you glad you got that one figured out before you drove all that way? If you'd gone up there, you'd have figured it out then, but this way you've saved yourself a whale of a lot of driving, not to mention $$ for gas! Now you can use that $$ for something for your new place or a treat for dinner or or or...anydarnedthing you like!


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## SifuPhil

Shalimar said:


> Philly,except for possibly fruitcake without marzipan, icing is the best part of cake. Cheer up. We all still love you. Lol.



I feel so much better now - thank you, m'Lady. :thankyou1:


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## Cookie

Gee, Phil, doesn't everyone agree that icing is very very good, a welcome addition to a cake, without which it would be just a slab of crummy crumbs. Today would be a good day to have a slice of yummy cake with some delicious coffee.  I'm away to bake it now, with icing of course.


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## SifuPhil

Cookie said:


> Gee, Phil, doesn't everyone agree that icing is very very good, a welcome addition to a cake, without which it would be just a slab of crummy crumbs. Today would be a good day to have a slice of yummy cake with some delicious coffee.  I'm away to bake it now, with icing of course.



Yes, but it's an afterthought - it's the weathervane on top of the cupola. It doesn't really contribute anything except excess. It doesn't provide a firm foundation. Without the cake it would be laying in a gooey puddle on the floor. It's an option. 

Do you like muffins? Are they good for you? Do they provide nutrition? 

Do they have icing?

See? They're just little cakes without icing.


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## GeorgiaXplant

Cookie, what kind of cake are you baking? And when will it be ready? I like ooey gooey frosting, and I really like a piece of cake in mid-afternoon along with a cup of fresh coffee. If I get on my broom right now, I can probably be there around 3:30. Is that a good time?


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## Denise1952

Warrigal said:


> I agree with Phil too. Be open to new possibilities but always consider the problems just around the corner, particularly the health problems.
> I would not be too keen on facing  serious ill health of a partner, including strokes and dementia, unless that person was very special indeed.



Taking that on in later years (new relationship) would be most likely, impossible for me to handle.  If I had lived with, and loved someone for many years, it would be difficult, to see someone you love ill, and even getting worse  But for me I hope I would be a wonderful care-giver, I would want to be like my sister-in-law who has stuck by my brother through thick and thin.  He is bed-ridden, paralyzed from the chest down, but she has done things to care and love him, none of us would have believed, or been able to handle ourselves.  She is exceptional.


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## Denise1952

Warrigal said:


> I agree with Phil too. Be open to new possibilities but always consider the problems just around the corner, particularly the health problems.
> I would not be too keen on facing  serious ill health of a partner, including strokes and dementia, unless that person was very special indeed.



I did reply to this, oopsee, but thanks again, and I do agree with both you and Phil




jnos said:


> Just want to chime in here, as one of the ones where the second time around has lasted--so far at least. :laugh: I was married, had two little ones and split in 1974. I was alone 20 years (albeit as single mom with kids). When they were in junior high school I (we) lived with someone for six months until he showed his dark side and I packed up and left. A few years later I met someone very different from any guy I'd ever gone with--truly a "nice" guy who treats women with respect. We have been together 21 years. We're older now and while he may not be the most exciting man I've know, we have a pretty good deal going.
> 
> It sounds like your mind is racing ahead with "what ifs." Staying in the present is hard to do but it will save you a lot of turmoil. If you go out with him for dinner or whatever, focus on the meal, the company and enjoy some reminiscing. Listen to your gut and you will know how it feels to you inside. That's what counts. At the end of the evening, at the least you will hopefully have been given another pleasant memory. You are then free to do what feels right to you--maybe going out again, maybe saying it was fun but not something I want to repeat. Trust in yourself. You ARE your best friend.
> 
> Best wishes


  Thank Jnos  Yes, those what ifs can spoil things  I'm glad it didn't work out for now, probably never would.  I just have a totally different take on a relationship, and that means finding someone that doesn't have an unhealthy dependency on a mate (possible mate at that, geesh)



imp said:


> Neesy, it looks like, here, to me anyway, that all nice ladies and one nice ladies' man are evaluating your situation.
> 
> So, here's the IMP_licity _conclusions...........
> 
> You are in your new place only a week, and feel unsure about that, a bit.
> 
> You are feeling deep down inside like age 18 again.
> 
> Go for it for a spell; if long-term results are likely to flourish, they will take care of things themselves, not to worry. If short-term results are looking likely to not fluorish into long-term ones, they, too, will take care of themselves.
> 
> Straight from the wishing well, you can believe an imp!


  Well said and thank you Imp, I like your imp'licity  Things have a way of working out for the best if I just don't try and figure it out myself, lol



vickyNightowl said:


> Denise,don't be afraid to live and feel.just remember your worth.


  Ok vicky  If I am to meet a fella, he will come along, and things will go a bit smoother (ok, a lot smoother) and he won't be in such a hurry.  Dating is all I would care to do  If it led to more, making out up on lover's lane etc., then we would take it a step further, maybe.  And maybe just "sucking face" (from On Golden Pond, lol) may be enough for the both of us, :kiss-tongue:



SifuPhil said:


> So ... I'm just ... *sniff* ... icing?
> 
> View attachment 25760


  Love this cake!! LOL  yummy!!



GeorgiaXplant said:


> "Just Desserts"
> 
> Women who marry solely for money get their just desserts. That's today's attempt at humor.
> 
> Denise, aren't you glad you got that one figured out before you drove all that way? If you'd gone up there, you'd have figured it out then, but this way you've saved yourself a whale of a lot of driving, not to mention $$ for gas! Now you can use that $$ for something for your new place or a treat for dinner or or or...anydarnedthing you like!



Yes Georgia, I didn't even want to attempt a trip now after moving, and he had a problem with me not coming up.  So that tells me he isn't very considerate or thoughtful hugs, denise


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## Linda

Some on here have suggested you get a pet.  I sure wouldn't if I were you.  If you have much traveling in your future or maybe a sleep over on someone's couch or even moving to a place that doesn't allow pets, it can be a big problem.  After you've been settled for at lest a year and KNOW you want to stay there longer, than maybe consider a pet.  They are a huge responsibility.  For those who love pets and can't live without them, pets are fine.  I don't think you are one of those people or you'd already have a dog or something.  I know I'm sure not happy when someone visits us and has a pet with them.  It can cause all sorts of problems.


----------



## Cookie

SifuPhil said:


> Yes, but it's an afterthought - it's the weathervane on top of the cupola. It doesn't really contribute anything except excess. It doesn't provide a firm foundation. Without the cake it would be laying in a gooey puddle on the floor. It's an option.
> 
> Do you like muffins? Are they good for you? Do they provide nutrition?
> 
> Do they have icing?
> 
> See? They're just little cakes without icing.


_
I am the cake or banana bread, or cupcake, or muffin, cookie or loaf of wholewheat bread.  Anything you add to it (sandwich fixings, mayo, icing, jam, etc. etc.)  So I am the cake and my partner, friends, etc. are the icing/sandwich fillings. Or in the case of cookies, perhaps men are the chocolate chips? Just a little metaphor, don't mean anything by it...

Some women are so overly dependent on men for their identities that for them the man is the bread and they are not even icing, more like old stale margarine.  I would like to turn it around a bit and put the focus back on me --- to see men/relationships romance, etc. as a 'treat', rather than what gives me life and a reason for living. 
_


----------



## Cookie

Georgia, I think this calls for chocolate cake with chocolate frosting.  And lots of hot strong coffee.  I'm off to the kitchen.


----------



## Denise1952

Linda said:


> Some on here have suggested you get a pet.  I sure wouldn't if I were you.  If you have much traveling in your future or maybe a sleep over on someone's couch or even moving to a place that doesn't allow pets, it can be a big problem.  After you've been settled for at lest a year and KNOW you want to stay there longer, than maybe consider a pet.  They are a huge responsibility.  For those who love pets and can't live without them, pets are fine.  I don't think you are one of those people or you'd already have a dog or something.  I know I'm sure not happy when someone visits us and has a pet with them.  It can cause all sorts of problems.



I can't agree more Linda.  I learned the responsibility, not just how cute, cuddly, and how joy they bring me, but yes, the responsibility to provide ALL they need.  I want to be sure I have all my next pet needs before I get another to love  I think being somewhere a year is excellent, in knowing if I am settled enough  I do have a year lease here, so that may be the start for me, leaving my gypsy, life-style (or otherwise known as, staying put, giving myself a chance to have a real home)  denise


----------



## fureverywhere

Yeah critters can be deal breakers. I knew someone who hooked up with this guy. He had a fat spoiled dog. The dog liked her and all was well. Then they considered moving in together. She had three cats and this guy drops the bomb he would only be comfortable with ONE cat in the house. She told him where to go and that was the end of that.


----------



## SifuPhil

Cookie said:


> _
> I am the cake or banana bread, or cupcake, or muffin, cookie or loaf of wholewheat bread.  Anything you add to it (sandwich fixings, mayo, icing, jam, etc. etc.)  So I am the cake and my partner, friends, etc. are the icing/sandwich fillings. Or in the case of cookies, perhaps men are the chocolate chips? Just a little metaphor, don't mean anything by it...
> 
> Some women are so overly dependent on men for their identities that for them the man is the bread and they are not even icing, more like old stale margarine.  I would like to turn it around a bit and put the focus back on me --- to see men/relationships romance, etc. as a 'treat', rather than what gives me life and a reason for living.
> _



Well, to switch metaphors, whenever the Yin and the Yang get too unbalanced there are problems. 

Using this same model, one cannot exist for long without the other. 

So in that vein, men are as necessary to women as women are to men. I would think that places each of us in a position a little more important than a treat. 

Yes, there are oddballs like me, who have been solely Yang for a very, very long time - but look at the imbalance it produces.


----------



## Cookie

If you believe coupling up is necessary for you, then do so, by all means.  And actually I don't think high functioning sociopaths need love at all, that is one of their characteristics, an inability to love people, although Hitler did love his dogs very much.  

I guess I'm referring to overly dependent women who think they are nothing without a man, they should not be so needy as to think that a man will provide everything for them. And I agree that balance is important, should one be so lucky as to find a suitable mate, which is becoming more and more difficult as women become more independent financially and emotionally, they are no longer desirable to some domineering males who prefer a passive complacent female, who will not contradict them or be too outspoken or opinionated (as has been my experience).


----------



## jujube

Linda said:


> Some on here have suggested you get a pet.  I sure wouldn't if I were you.  If you have much traveling in your future or maybe a sleep over on someone's couch or even moving to a place that doesn't allow pets, it can be a big problem.  After you've been settled for at lest a year and KNOW you want to stay there longer, than maybe consider a pet.  They are a huge responsibility.  For those who love pets and can't live without them, pets are fine.  I don't think you are one of those people or you'd already have a dog or something.  I know I'm sure not happy when someone visits us and has a pet with them.  It can cause all sorts of problems.



That's what everybody kept suggesting to me when my husband died...."You need to get a dog!"   That was the last thing I needed....something else that had to be taken care of by me.

Reminds me of the joke about the old lady who was asked why she never married.  She said, "Why would I need a husband?  I have a dog that snores, a parrot that swears and a cat that stays out all night!"


----------



## SifuPhil

Cookie said:


> And actually I don't think high functioning sociopaths need love at all, that is one of their characteristics, an inability to love people, although Hitler did love his dogs very much.



That's actually one of those half-truths.

First, note that I said "high-functioning". That means I can turn my sociopathy on and off as it pleases me. 

When a sociopath claims love, yes, many times it's just a means to an end, a hidden agenda, a tool to be used. But a sociopath - again, a high-functioning one - can love with a power and ferocity that will take your breath away. They are focused and see the truth of their partner - if that partner remains, then they are exactly who and what the sociopath loves. They know how to adore their partner, they understand their wants and needs. They give themselves totally and exclusively to their partner. 

The idea that all sociopaths should be painted with the same broad brush is criminal. The love of a sociopath is often like that of a child - intense, non-judgmental, accepting.   



> I guess I'm referring to overly dependent women who think they are nothing without a man, they should not be so needy as to think that a man will provide everything for them. And I agree that balance is important, should one be so lucky as to find a suitable mate, which is becoming more and more difficult as women become more independent financially and emotionally, they are no longer desirable to some domineering males who prefer a passive complacent female, who will not contradict them or be too outspoken or opinionated (as has been my experience).



I totally agree that overly dependent women and domineering males are the outriders, the odd ducks - they will certainly screw up the equation. But I think most people - most mature and self-realized people, anyway - still have a chance. 

Maybe I'm just an optimist?

...

Naw. I'm a high-functioning sociopath. layful:


----------



## Shalimar

That type of love would suffocate me. I don't want anyone to give themselves totally to me. I don't want the responsibility, I would feel trapped. No matter how much I love another, there is always a small part of me that remains inviolate, belonging only to myself.


----------



## SifuPhil

And a true sociopath would modify their behavior once they saw you smothering - they would turn the valve and reduce their intensity. They are nothing if not perceptive.

It's like having one of those modern digital controllers for your lights, instead of an old-fashioned on-off switch.


----------



## fureverywhere

Perhaps you've never been married to a Sicilian...Sonny Corleone aye...but guys change as they get older. Well some of them anyways. The other night for instance. I had to call and say fixing Ninja would be another fifty bucks. That's a lot for us right now. At 30 hubby would have made the phone implode. That night it was just " Okay I'll be there in a little while, poor dumb cat at least they got him sorted out". It's somebody who cares about what is important to you, that is a keeper.


----------



## SifuPhil

I come from Northern Italian stock - in their own way they can be pretty bad.

But yes, I agree that age usually mellows out even the worst ones.


----------



## Denise1952

jujube said:


> That's what everybody kept suggesting to me when my husband died...."You need to get a dog!"   That was the last thing I needed....something else that had to be taken care of by me.
> 
> Reminds me of the joke about the old lady who was asked why she never married.  She said, "Why would I need a husband?  I have a dog that snores, a parrot that swears and a cat that stays out all night!"



LOL, for sure JJ, hilarious


----------



## Denise1952

vickyNightowl said:


> Its better to be called 'icing' than the 'dry spongecake' lmao



Yeah, "dry sponge-cake" doesn't fit the term-of-endearment definition.  Like "I love you my dry, little sponge-cake"!


----------



## Cookie

You'd think a man would be pleased to be the icing on someone's cake.  Better than a mere crumb left on a cake plate. I've met lots of crumbs, and the rare icing.


----------



## Denise1952

Cookie said:


> Gee, Phil, doesn't everyone agree that icing is very very good, a welcome addition to a cake, without which it would be just a slab of crummy crumbs. Today would be a good day to have a slice of yummy cake with some delicious coffee.  I'm away to bake it now, with icing of course.



I like a "little" icing with my cake now, never liked a lot.  'course I'm not addicted to sugar anymore, still like it yeah, just a little once in awhile  These photos are hard to take for me, makes me wanna get my stomach pumped, not bake, LOL:







and 'dese cupcakes gaggers, lol!:


----------



## Denise1952

Cookie said:


> You'd think a man would be pleased to be the icing on someone's cake.  Better than a mere crumb left on a cake plate. I've met lots of crumbs, and the rare icing.



I like crumby cakes, but yeah, don't like crumby bumb types of men, LOL!


----------



## fureverywhere

Okay the perfect man and food porn...here he is





I mean you can taste that right?


----------



## Yaya

Pets make great best friends - they don't lie, they don't question, they don't judge, they are always there for you, they are devoted to you 24/7, they will never let you down, they will never hurt you, they keep you cozy while you sleep and help you wake up in the morning, they love to walk with you, they love to listen to you talk, they sympathize, they strive to help you do things, they look at you when you talk, they don't get mad at you when you don't do something right or if you forget something or buy something or turn on the T.V/radio, they like what ever music you want to listen to, they like everything you cook, they don't give you a bunch of laundry to do, they will chase off anyone who is not nice to you or who they sense is not a nice person, they don't complain if you don't wash the dishes, .......  the list of pets' qualities are endless. All the doubts and concerns you are having now you will not have with a pet.


----------



## fureverywhere

Yes darlin' I know what you're saying. My critters have seen me in such a bad way. Poor Ninja, two days of vet visits. First one no treatment and he was manhandled till he peed on the examining table in fear. The second much better but still an exam, foaming cleanser in his ears...he almost lifted four inches off the table. Two shots in his hind quarters. But tonight he curled purring in my lap. The all forgiving Ninja, " Hey human I know you were trying to help me there". It's about finding a human partner like that if you can. They accept you for as you are and you the same...perfect together...I wish you the best!


----------



## jnos

fureverywhere said:


> Perhaps you've never been married to a Sicilian...Sonny Corleone aye...but guys change as they get older. Well some of them anyways. The other night for instance. I had to call and say fixing Ninja would be another fifty bucks. That's a lot for us right now. At 30 hubby would have made the phone implode. That night it was just " Okay I'll be there in a little while, poor dumb cat at least they got him sorted out".* It's somebody who cares about what is important to you, that is a keeper. *


:laugh: :laugh: So very true. Sounds like your hubby is a keeper (mine too).


----------



## Denise1952

SifuPhil said:


> I come from Northern Italian stock - in their own way they can be pretty bad.
> 
> But yes, I agree that age usually mellows out even the worst ones.



I know it's doin a job on me, lol


----------



## Ruthanne

Denise1952 said:


> I guess I'd like to hear about someone like me, been alone "maybe" too long, but they met someone, and actually are doing well for the long-term.  But of course I still want to hear from anyone that wants to reply  I learn a bit of something from whoever posts.


I've been living alone for many years about 30 years actually.  I did meet a guy and started getting attached to him.  However, there were many things that bothered me about him, like his making fun of people which I think is childish.  Another thing is that he never has said anything nice about me to me.  When I've gotten mad with him he exaggerated how I spoke to him.  I only had annoyance in my voice and certainly didn't yell at him but he claimed I blasted him.  Whenever I have been angry at stupid things he does he claims I was really mean to him which is complete BS.  He would probably be shocked to death if he heard me when I'm *really *angry which I haven't been with him.  I was helping him out.

He doesn't have a job and is waiting to get SSDI.  He has health problems and he can't work a regular 8 hour day.  Anyway, I was helping him out giving him some money and he spent it all on booze.  Mind you, his cat needed food and he spent it all on alcohol.  Anyhow that is my rant about him.  I am not seeing him anymore because I'm tired of his BS.  

I am still looking for a man to be friends with and maybe more after we get to know if we are compatible.  I go to Plenty of Fish dating site which is free.


----------



## Denise1952

Annie said:


> I've been living alone for many years about 30 years actually.  I did meet a guy and started getting attached to him.  However, there were many things that bothered me about him, like his making fun of people which I think is childish.  Another thing is that he never has said anything nice about me to me.  When I've gotten mad with him he exaggerated how I spoke to him.  I only had annoyance in my voice and certainly didn't yell at him but he claimed I blasted him.  Whenever I have been angry at stupid things he does he claims I was really mean to him which is complete BS.  He would probably be shocked to death if he heard me when I'm *really *angry which I haven't been with him.  I was helping him out.
> 
> He doesn't have a job and is waiting to get SSDI.  He has health problems and he can't work a regular 8 hour day.  Anyway, I was helping him out giving him some money and he spent it all on booze.  Mind you, his cat needed food and he spent it all on alcohol.  Anyhow that is my rant about him.  I am not seeing him anymore because I'm tired of his BS.
> 
> I am still looking for a man to be friends with and maybe more after we get to know if we are compatible.  I go to Plenty of Fish dating site which is free.


 Geez Annie, it's like you were reading my diary  Thanks for replying, I don't feel so alone now.

I think as I've aged/learned/gained some true wisdom, I just won't settle for less than the same.  Know what I mean?  I mean, if there's a guy out there with some of those attributes, I would enjoy talking with him.  Intelligent conversation??  Who cared about that in our younger years?  I didn't, all I wanted was good-looking (to me) and good sex.  Things have changed, for the better I might add

Thanks again Annie, don't settle for less than someone that is a good match for you  (and I do mean someone that can at least keep up in a conversation).


PS I am on POF too, so far, nada!!


----------



## Ruthanne

Denise1952 said:


> Geez Annie, it's like you were reading my diary  Thanks for replying, I don't feel so alone now.
> 
> I think as I've aged/learned/gained some true wisdom, I just won't settle for less than the same.  Know what I mean?  I mean, if there's a guy out there with some of those attributes, I would enjoy talking with him.  Intelligent conversation??  Who cared about that in our younger years?  I didn't, all I wanted was good-looking (to me) and good sex.  Things have changed, for the better I might add
> 
> Thanks again Annie, don't settle for less than someone that is a good match for you  (and I do mean someone that can at least keep up in a conversation).
> 
> 
> PS I am on POF too, so far, nada!!


I'm glad you don't feel so alone.  I felt the same way when I read your OP.  I haven't found anyone on POF that I'd like to be serious with.  I don't even know if I want to be serious with a guy at this stage in my life.  I would like someone to go out with at times and someone who can have an intelligent conversation which is not not easy to find.  I won't settle.  Best wishes to you in your quest!!


----------



## GeorgiaXplant

fureverywhere said:


> Okay the perfect man and food porn...here he is
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I mean you can taste that right?



If I ever met a guy who's as delicious as that looks? Sigh.

A few years ago...maybe a year after my husband died...I signed up on Match, POF, Our Time. What a waste of time, and with the exception of POF, money. Never did find anybody more than mildly interesting and not interesting enough to even bother meeting. Maybe I'm just too picky? Or maybe I'm so hidebound that if they appear to be even a bit outside convention or tradition that I reject them in advance!

Denise, have you found anybody on line that you've talked to or met for coffee? You sound to me as though you're somewhat more of a risk-taker than I am, although how much risk is there in meeting for a cup of coffee in broad daylight in a public place? LOL


----------



## Denise1952

GeorgiaXplant said:


> If I ever met a guy who's as delicious as that looks? Sigh.
> 
> A few years ago...maybe a year after my husband died...I signed up on Match, POF, Our Time. What a waste of time, and with the exception of POF, money. Never did find anybody more than mildly interesting and not interesting enough to even bother meeting. Maybe I'm just too picky? Or maybe I'm so hidebound that if they appear to be even a bit outside convention or tradition that I reject them in advance!
> 
> Denise, have you found anybody on line that you've talked to or met for coffee? You sound to me as though you're somewhat more of a risk-taker than I am, although how much risk is there in meeting for a cup of coffee in broad daylight in a public place? LOL



I have Georgia, met several over the past, 18 years of being single.  I feel exactly as you do, a waste of time.  I don't care anymore if someone says I am too pickie.  If I can't feel the way I did when I fell in love before, then I don't need a guy just to have one around.  I was thinking of starting another thread about this but maybe here would be best.

Because I am 63, does that mean I don't get to ever meet a guy that turns me on?  I mean really?  When I talk to men on POF or in person, they are very "honest" about wanting sex.  I mean, they will say things that to me, are ****** ennuendos ok.  Like, I miss "holding" a woman, or "do you like to snuggle" in front of the tv?  Tell me guys, does this not mean that you'd really like to get in my pants?  I'm not saying that a man is only interested in sex, but he wants it, no matter his age or whether he is actually "up" to it.

Please don't think I don't like you guys, I'm just talking about the ones I've met for dates.  I wonder if these men I've met were neglected, or "cut-off" by their x's leaving them to make sure that the next woman puts out?  Thing is, most of the men I've met, or that are willing to meet me, have let themselves go.  Not taken care of their appearance.  Now I know some have gotten sick, so I am not talking about those situations.  Just once I'd like to meet a fella, my age, that has at least trimmed his beard if he has one, and splashed on some cologne, and worn clean jeans and a nice shirt??  What the hell!!  I still try to clean up and look my best.  

Sad stories about your X treating you bad I don't want to hear about.  I'd rather hear where you think you went wrong, you side of the street being cleaned up.  Sexy is as sexy does, and I know there will come a time when I am not interested in it, only what remains, the friendship.  But imo there has to be a physical attraction of some sort.  Anyone want to chime in, I can take it, LOL!!


----------



## SifuPhil

Denise1952 said:


> ... Please don't think I don't like you guys ...



You don't! You're stereotyping us all! 

DISCRIMINATION ! DISCRIMINATION !!!

That's it! I'm calling the ACLU !








P.S. - Wanna' go out for coffee next week?


----------



## Denise1952

SifuPhil said:


> You don't! You're stereotyping us all!
> 
> DISCRIMINATION ! DISCRIMINATION !!!
> 
> That's it! I'm calling the ACLU !
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> P.S. - Wanna' go out for coffee next week?




You haven't gott ACLU!! layful:nthego:  That's me, hit and run 

Will you trim your beard, and wear nice clothes, and smell perdy


----------



## SifuPhil

Denise1952 said:


> You haven't gott ACLU!! layful:nthego:  That's me, hit and run



Then I'll call the FBI ... or the CIA ... or, or, um, KFC! 



> Will you trim your beard, and wear nice clothes, and smell perdy



Normally I let the cat nibble on my beard to keep it looking prim and proper. 

"Nice" clothes? I only have my monk outfit - all my other worldly clothing was burned by Brother Balducci when I joined the temple.

Smell perdy? Well ... I hope you like "earthy" men. The temple's shower has been broken for 6 months ... 

But we could go down to the shore and throw rocks at the birds, then go back to your place and watch TV as we cuddle. No hanky-panky, honest!


----------



## Denise1952

SifuPhil said:


> Then I'll call the FBI ... or the CIA ... or, or, um, KFC!
> 
> 
> 
> Normally I let the cat nibble on my beard to keep it looking prim and proper.
> 
> "Nice" clothes? I only have my monk outfit - all my other worldly clothing was burned by Brother Balducci when I joined the temple.
> 
> Smell perdy? Well ... I hope you like "earthy" men. The temple's shower has been broken for 6 months ...
> 
> But we could go down to the shore and throw rocks at the birds, then go back to your place and watch TV as we cuddle. No hanky-panky, honest!



After hearing all that Phil, I have to be honest and say "She's just not that into You" LMBO!


----------



## SifuPhil

Denise1952 said:


> After hearing all that Phil, I have to be honest and say "She's just not that into You" LMBO!



Darn. 

Guess I'll have to keep looking on SpunkyMonks.com


----------



## Denise1952

SifuPhil said:


> Darn.
> 
> Guess I'll have to keep looking on SpunkyMonks.com


----------



## Babsinbloom65

Denise1952 said:


> I wanted to be clear on the topic, so it turned out long, but that's it.  I've been alone about 18 years, but for all but the last two, I really looked for someone.  Then I just got content, and felt I was over ever wanting to meet someone, but guess I still have that hope.  But I met up with a guy from highschool that I always liked, but was dating another guy.  We are both single now, and he is still such a nice guy.  He wants us to meet, and I am afraid I will find all the things I can find, that are wrong with him
> 
> I feel depressed a lot since I moved into my place.  It's like "thinking" everything was finally going to be ok, but I'm not ok, feel like crying, and like life stinks.
> 
> Please forgive the whine, denise



Sounds to me like you are just not ready to meet yet. And there is nothing wrong with this...your heart will tell you when the time is right for that step. And you are still transitioning into your new place and probably still going through some grieving for what you had before (even if that wasn't the best). You have been through alot, give yourself time to finish healing and grieving and enjoy the things you do like about your new place. Happiness will come to you when you are ready for it.


----------



## Shalimar

Denise, you are one of the most resilient, strong,  upbeat women I have had the privilege to know. Huge obstacles, including homelessness, during the past year, and yet you kept your chin up, were optimistic, and took the steps necessary to find your 

new home. It is normal to feel a let down about your circumstances. Now, I think, the reaction to all that uncertainty and upheaval has set in. Honey, you don't need to be supergal right now, it is ok to let down your hair a bit, and cry. Mourn whatever you need to, even be a bit afraid if you want, you are so 

entitled. I believe in you. When the time is right, when you are settled, and feel stronger, you may feel differently about dating 
men. You may not. Either is ok. Be proud of all you have accomplished, when so many would have gone under. Be 
proud of who you are. Your forum friends are. Hugs.:love_heart:  You have a lot to give!


----------



## Denise1952

Babsinbloom65 said:


> Sounds to me like you are just not ready to meet yet. And there is nothing wrong with this...your heart will tell you when the time is right for that step. And you are still transitioning into your new place and probably still going through some grieving for what you had before (even if that wasn't the best). You have been through alot, give yourself time to finish healing and grieving and enjoy the things you do like about your new place. Happiness will come to you when you are ready for it.



I think you are exactly right, and thank you for your reply.  Nice to meet you as well, I am more forgetful these days, but I don't think we've met  Your words of wisdom are appreciated.  I do need to give myself that time.  I think I do have some things I've not let go of, and fears about relationships.  No time like the present to start getting over it all thanks again, denise


----------



## Denise1952

Shalimar said:


> Denise, you are one of the most resilient, strong,  upbeat women I have had the privilege to know. Huge obstacles, including homelessness, during the past year, and yet you kept your chin up, were optimistic, and took the steps necessary to find your
> 
> new home. It is normal to feel a let down about your circumstances. Now, I think, the reaction to all that uncertainty and upheaval has set in. Honey, you don't need to be supergal right now, it is ok to let down your hair a bit, and cry. Mourn whatever you need to, even be a bit afraid if you want, you are so
> 
> entitled. I believe in you. When the time is right, when you are settled, and feel stronger, you may feel differently about dating
> men. You may not. Either is ok. Be proud of all you have accomplished, when so many would have gone under. Be
> proud of who you are. Your forum friends are. Hugs.:love_heart:  You have a lot to give!



Is that what you see??  Well, seems no one ever see's what others do, but it is sure nice when it's good stuff they see  In reality, if I look back a bit, I see I have reached a major goal.  Getting my own place again.  I had lots of help along the way as far as places to stay, I was never on the street (sleeping outdoors except when I went camping for 3 weeks, pure joy as I had all my camp gear) and I never went hungry.

I think sometimes it's just fear of "what now" lol!  The struggle keeps me going, and then it's over, no struggle.  If I add a man to the equation, I'll certainly have more struggles I am not ready for.  Like Babs said, still grieving & still not over some of the hurt feelings.  I'm way better today  When I look at the post I think "wow, I was in a totally "Altered state" LOL!! hugs, denise


----------



## Babsinbloom65

Denise1952 said:


> I think you are exactly right, and thank you for your reply.  Nice to meet you as well, I am more forgetful these days, but I don't think we've met  Your words of wisdom are appreciated.  I do need to give myself that time.  I think I do have some things I've not let go of, and fears about relationships.  No time like the present to start getting over it all thanks again, denise



It's nice meeting you too Denise.


----------



## Linda

GeorgiaXplant said:


> If I ever met a guy who's as delicious as that looks? Sigh.
> 
> A few years ago...maybe a year after my husband died...I signed up on Match, POF, Our Time. What a waste of time, and with the exception of POF, money. Never did find anybody more than mildly interesting and not interesting enough to even bother meeting. Maybe I'm just too picky? Or maybe I'm so hidebound that if they appear to be even a bit outside convention or tradition that I reject them in advance!
> 
> Denise, have you found anybody on line that you've talked to or met for coffee? You sound to me as though you're somewhat more of a risk-taker than I am, although how much risk is there in meeting for a cup of coffee in broad daylight in a public place? LOL


If I were single I might have trouble choosing between a man and a nice vanilla cake with cream cheese frosting.  I don't care too much for chocolate cake so I'd take a guy (If he met all my criteria ) over that.


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## Denise1952

Linda said:


> If I were single I might have trouble choosing between a man and a nice vanilla cake with cream cheese frosting.  I don't care too much for chocolate cake so I'd take a guy (If he met all my criteria ) over that.



That's just it Linda, you hit the nail on the head, lol!  I had very, little criteria when I was young  They had to be good-looking "to me" and sex-appeal.  Now looking back, I wished I'd'a gone for one of the guys I wasn't attracted to.  Which they were the "nice" boys, not the bad boys.  Geesh, makes me kinda sad, but it is what it is


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## Shalimar

Hmmm. How about a nice man who bakes?


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## Denise1952

Shalimar said:


> Hmmm. How about a nice man who bakes?



The only one I can think of The Pillsbury Dough-Boy??


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## SifuPhil

Denise1952 said:


> The only one I can think of The Pillsbury Dough-Boy??


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## Shalimar

My ex baked bread, and the best cinnamon buns this side of the Rocky Mountains. He was also as beautiful as any movie star.
unfortunately, he was, and is, a sociopath. Sigh.


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## Denise1952

SifuPhil said:


> View attachment 26356



Sorry, trying to stay away from white flour


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## SifuPhil

Shalimar said:


> unfortunately, he was, and is, a sociopath. Sigh.



You say that like it's a _bad_ thing ...


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## Denise1952

Shalimar said:


> My ex baked bread, and the best cinnamon buns this side of the Rocky Mountains. He was also as beautiful as any movie star.
> unfortunately, he was, and is, a sociopath. Sigh.



Sweet of you to want to set me up with him, LOL!!  With a friend like you Shal, I don't need an enema, oopsie, I mean an enemy, LMBO!!


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## SifuPhil

Denise1952 said:


> Sorry, trying to stay away from white flour



He has a brother who's whole wheat ...


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## Shalimar

Phil, it can be. Après moi, in later years, he became violent, though never with our son, or he would be dead!


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## SifuPhil

Shalimar said:


> Phil, it can be. Après moi, in later years, he became violent, though never with our son, or he would be dead!



Understood - I don't mean to make light of your previous situation - only mine.


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## Shalimar

Denise, I knew it would make you laugh!


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## Denise1952

SifuPhil said:


> He has a brother who's whole wheat ...
> 
> View attachment 26359



Ok, now your talkin! Which is he from right to left? They all seem to be missing some parts that are still in my criteria?


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## Denise1952

Shalimar said:


> Denise, I knew it would make you laugh!



Well, the "whole" story sure didn't.  I've met at least one of those I think


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## SifuPhil

Denise1952 said:


> Ok, now your talkin! Which is he from right to left? They all seem to be missing some parts that are still in my criteria?



Well, if you want to get picky ... 

He's the third flat bread to the right - the good-looking one. Extra parts are in the tray on the left. layful:


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## mitchezz

Shalimar said:


> My ex baked bread, and the best cinnamon buns this side of the Rocky Mountains. He was also as beautiful as any movie star.
> unfortunately, he was, and is, a sociopath. Sigh.



Sociopath? Pffftttt.......my ex was a psychopath..................and he couldn't bake anything.................but he was good looking.


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## Denise1952

SifuPhil said:


> Well, if you want to get picky ...
> 
> He's the third flat bread to the right - the good-looking one. Extra parts are in the tray on the left. layful:



So some assembly required   I like the ones that already have it together


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## Denise1952

mitchezz said:


> Sociopath? Pffftttt.......my ex was a psychopath..................and he couldn't bake anything.................but he was good looking.



LMBO!  What a waste of a good psychopath


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## SifuPhil

Denise1952 said:


> So some assembly required   I like the ones that already have it together



Holy cow (religious bovine) - do you want him to have wings and a halo and be filthy rich as well?!?

Have you SEEN what's out there? 

I'm happy if they have a pulse, and even THAT is optional.


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## Denise1952

SifuPhil said:


> Holy cow (religious bovine) - do you want him to have wings and a halo and be filthy rich as well?!?
> 
> Have you SEEN what's out there?
> 
> I'm happy if they have a pulse, and even THAT is optional.



I have seen things my eyes can never un-see(as a famous friend of mine said, well, something like that).  Wings and a halo are extra options, but if they're thrown in with the deal I wouldn't turn them down, LOL!


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## SifuPhil




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## Denise1952

SifuPhil said:


> View attachment 26362



Out of my dreams and onto my fave forum, there he is!!


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## Denise1952

hey Phil, I think you musta got hold of all the hair I just cut off yesterday, LMBO!!


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