# I live alone, but I'm not lonely.



## fuzzybuddy (May 13, 2022)

If you read some of the posts, a lot of "alone' people are sad sacks craving others. I like people, and doing things with others is more pleasurable and desirable than going solo. BUT I don't mind being alone. If a neighbor comes over and we talk, do I, enjoy that? Yes.  If a neighbor doesn't come over, am I ready to slit my wrist? No.  I understand being lonely after decades of married life. Yet, I feel the person, who makes you happy is yourself. What do you say?


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## Em in Ohio (May 13, 2022)

I'm much like you, except last evening.  I was sitting on my back steps, playing fetch with my dog, and really wished I had someone else there to watch the sunset.


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## BillB613 (May 13, 2022)

I’m with you. I enjoy being around people, but when I am alone and  no one is around I am contented.

By necessity I currently live in a group home. I am looking for an apartment or even a room of my own. Actually living alone will be a new experience. I am looking forward to it. But I do wonder what it will feel like after the newness wears off. I am sure my social life will pick up. I like the thought of inviting someone over for dinner or just a cup of coffee and a chat.

I like what you said about the person who will make me the happiest is myself. It is all about attitude, as I see it.


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## Remy (May 13, 2022)

Well I don't much like myself but I'm best when I'm not around people. I don't talk to my neighbors at the complex much. A nice older man who lost his home in one of the fires offered me a plant from his collection once. I turned it down, nicely. But I think I hurt his feelings. I'm just not good at taking things. Too many strings attached to too many things growing up. 

I was lonely when young because I was purposely isolated. Now I know I'm just better off alone. I've had co-workers in the past ask me to go out after work for a drink, out to lunch, go antiquing. I  turn them down.


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## Pepper (May 13, 2022)

Thanks to this forum for the discussions about this issue.  I am coming to grips with my problems being alone because of all of you sharing your feelings and ideas on it.


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## RadishRose (May 13, 2022)

Remy said:


> Well I don't much like myself


Oh @Remy you should not go on feeling this way! 

I think all of us cringe more often than we'd like, over the foolish and wrong things we've done. God knows, I do!

But to actually come out and say you don't like yourself much makes me feel sad for you. I bet if you think honestly, you'll find more things to like about yourself.

Sometimes I too, have to "force" myself to accept an invitation to get out of the house. I whine: ohh, I need  haircut or ohhh, I have nothing to wear or ohhh, I don't feel like washing and styling my hair or ohhh, my dog will miss me...etc.

But when I DO make it out the door, I have a good time.

Sometimes I am lonely, but it's my own lazy fault.


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## katlupe (May 13, 2022)

So many times I say I don't want to go somewhere or do something with others but if I push myself to do it I have a great time. I think it is just getting out the door for me. 

I have made friends with my neighbors here in my building and they drop in to see me almost daily. My son lives down the street and he comes over often. I am not lonely at all, just live alone. I go for a walk in the park almost every morning now and there are a few people I see all the time and we stop and talk a few minutes. If you act like you do not want any interaction with others they will get the message.


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## OneEyedDiva (May 14, 2022)

I've always enjoyed my alone time. It made my second husband crazy when I'd take solo vacations...but I needed to do that from time to time. I actually got anxiety when we were together for too many days at a stretch, except for when we were on vacation. My husband was a semi retired small business owner so he didn't have to be at work for several hours a day if he chose not to, since he had workers. I mentioned this before. I was a co-wife. We wouldn't have lasted a month if we had a traditional marriage. I grew up as an only child (found my (half) siblings when I was in my early 50s) so I was used to being alone. I do alone very well and seldom get lonely. I admit though, that during about the mid stage of the pandemic, due to it's restrictions, I felt lonely sometimes. I agree that doing things with others is fun but not a necessity all the time. I also agree with you that we are responsible for our own happiness.


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## MickaC (May 15, 2022)

Em in Ohio said:


> I'm much like you, except last evening.  I was sitting on my back steps, playing fetch with my dog, and really wished I had someone else there to watch the sunset.


Totally with you. Times like you said about sharing the sunset with someone......times I too would like to share some things with someone.....not meaning a partner....just someone to share, and care.


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## PamfromTx (May 15, 2022)

I hope that I never get to that point where I'll slit my wrists when I am feeling lonely.


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## Shalimar (May 15, 2022)

*Sometimes, people’s past experiences are sufficiently harrowing that their capacity to meaningfully engage with others is forever fractured. Hanging out with people in 

social settings is immensely problematic. They need to fly solo in order to maintain any semblance of a normal life. *


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## Jules (May 15, 2022)

katlupe said:


> . If you act like you do not want any interaction with others they will get the message.


Even if it’s not the message someone means to send.


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## katlupe (May 15, 2022)

Jules said:


> Even if it’s not the message someone means to send.


I think you mean that sometimes someone brushes off others who try to become friends with them. Deep down though they want to be friends but are afraid. Maybe something happened to hurt them in the past so they don't trust new people trying to get to know them. Not sure if that is what you meant but that happens often.


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## Jules (May 15, 2022)

katlupe said:


> I think you mean that sometimes someone brushes off others who try to become friends with them. Deep down though they want to be friends but are afraid. Maybe something happened to hurt them in the past so they don't trust new people trying to get to know them. Not sure if that is what you meant but that happens often.


Yes, thanks for elaborating.


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## moviequeen1 (May 18, 2022)

I've lived alone for most of my adult life, never found my 'soul mate,I'm not lonely do like my time alone
I live in  apt building,every day I'll see other residents some have become friends others I don't now well 
It never fails,on my daily walks I'll run into somebody I know
Over the years,I've made a group of close friends I consider my 'Buffalo family' we're there for each other   I'm the only member of  my family who still lives here,my brother lives in{Conn} my sister{England}


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## Teacher Terry (May 20, 2022)

I have been alone for the past year and am fine with it. I have my kids and many friends that I enjoy spending time with. I was a big extrovert when younger but the older I get the more I enjoy spending time alone. I have my 2 Maltese for company and enjoy taking them for walks. Sometimes I end up visiting with people walking. I also have made friends with people in my condo building.


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## Millyd (Jun 6, 2022)

I live alone never married however I have a long term partner I spend time allot of time with at his newly constructed home right in the mighty Murray  river , don’t get time to get lonely , we have never lived together.


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## Phynix (Jun 8, 2022)

I'm trying to figure out how to live for myself after living for someone else for a very long time.  It gets lonely, but I'm okay alone.  Usually.


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## Blessed (Jun 8, 2022)

I have had a difficult time after my husband passed.  Then that time got filled up with my son, his fiance and her toddler son came to live with me. 

Shortly after my Mom joined us. I had a houseful again to look after.  Right after I had to place my Mom in care, after two years. A close family friend needed care after a below the knee amputation, so he came for a few months.

Mom in care, friend recovered and went home, children saved enough for their own home.  Now, it just me and the dogs.  It was hard at first, I  had never lived alone.  It will take some time but just try to stay busy, You will adjust to your new life, it just takes a little while.  Be kind to yourself!


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## oldaunt (Jun 9, 2022)

I am alone by choice and loving it. I have the pets for company, and if desperate for company (hah) I have a phone and a car. I live on 26 acres way out in the country where its quiet. I seldom leave the property.


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## Pepper (Jun 9, 2022)

Nice chunk of land, 26 acres @oldaunt


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## oldaunt (Jun 9, 2022)

Pepper said:


> Nice chunk of land, 26 acres @oldaunt


And paid for too.


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## Jace (Jul 9, 2022)

PamfromTx said:


> I hope that I never get to that point where I'll slit my wrists when I am feeling lonely.


Yup, it's called eremophobia, the _fear of solitude. _


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