# Is it just me? "Miss" prefix before my first name makes me feel old.



## AprilSun

I have wondered for some time, if anyone besides me feels this way. When someone calls me for example,  "Miss AprilSun" it makes me feel so old.  I would rather just be called by my name without the Miss. I know I'm old but I don't like to be reminded. I have friends that have their grandchildren call me that. Am I the only one that feels this way? I was just curious about it and thought I would ask everyone here.


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## AprilT

What's funny is a lot of people my age and older put the Miss in front of my name and they don't do it with other people we know, Next time I see some of these people, I'm going to ask them why do they do that, it's a little weird and they know I'm not older, they just automatically do it for some strange reason.


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## Warrigal

Funny that, April. I always think that Miss indicates youth, not age. Family friends are often called Auntie XXX to avoid the children sounding overly familiar. My aunt, who never married, was known universally as Auntie Sheila but I prefer children to just use my christian name as long as the tone is respectful.


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## AZ Jim

Anyone calls me Miss Jim, I'm gonna either run or punch 'em out.


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## QuickSilver

Her Royal Highness is fine with me.

Seriously,  I prefer to be addressed as Mrs. by youngsters..


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## oakapple

Nobody has ever done this with me, is it an American thing I wonder?


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## AprilT

I kind of like Ma 'DAMN! myself.    Queen Goddess,  ruler of the universe will do in a pinch.


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## Mrs. Robinson

It is more common in the Southern states,I think. You definitely don`t hear it much in California.


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## QuickSilver

I believe it is a Southern American thing... as in "Driving Miss Daisy"..   I haven't been a "Miss" since 1967. Being from the Midwest.. I would expect youngsters to call me Mrs..  UNLESS I choose to ask them to call me by my given name.


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## AprilT

Speaking of witch, I'm off to watch a queen in a movie I picked up from the library they had on hold for me, "Into The Woods."  The Grand Dame herself, Meryl Streep.  Jurassic World was a bit of a disappointment.  

Enjoy the rest of you day folks.


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## applecruncher

AprilSun said:


> I have wondered for some time, if anyone besides me feels this way. When someone calls me for example, "Miss AprilSun" it makes me feel so old.  I would rather just be called by my name without the Miss. I know I'm old but I don't like to be reminded. I have friends that have their grandchildren call me that. Am I the only one that feels this way? I was just curious about it and thought I would ask everyone here.



I agree, OP. I started noticing it about 10-15 yrs ago, and I don’t like it – so No, it’s not just you.  (btw I'm in Ohio so I'm not sure it's geographical) I can understand when adults are trying to each manners to young children – but many times I’ve heard it from people in their 30s and older. When/if they call me “Miss (my first name)” I say “Oh, you can call me (my first name.”  If it's someone I'm not going to interact with again, I just let it go.

I’ve also heard it used when addressing men. The neighbor of one of my brothers asked “Mr. (his first name), mind if I borrow your lawnmower?”

I was told by a few people it’s supposed to indicate respect. :shrug:


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## QuickSilver

Miss is an unmarried... or never married woman.   I will never be a Miss...  Mrs. the proper title for a woman who is currently married.. or has been divorced or widowed.


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## applecruncher

Miss/Mrs/Ms, whatever.  Yes, Miss is an unmarried woman, Mrs. is married, and Ms. can be either.  I _think _most of us know that. 

I believe the OP is referring to people who say (Miss/Mrs/Ms) then use _first_ name.  ("MIss Mary" vs "Miss/Mrs/Ms Smith). That's the way I understood it, and that's what I was referring to in my post.


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## Kadee

I have always preferred to be called by my Christian name (Kay) rather than Mrs ....Most professionals will now call you by your Christian name if you request them to address you by that ..
I was brought up to call adults by Mr or Mrs, We Also had lots of aunts and uncles that were not related to us


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## Temperance

I believe putting Miss before given name is meant as a sign of respect.  And yes, used in the south more than other places.  Children will always call their friends mom Miss (given name).  I never took offense to it.


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## QuickSilver

In  healthcare, be always address a patient by a formal title unless they request we call them by their given name.


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## Shalimar

I prefer to be called by my first name. If not, Ms. Last name. Mrs. Was my mother while she was alive. Now, my dil can adopt it if she wishes. I also answer to Empress of the Universe, perhaps the Anti-Gramma when the grands. Show up?


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## Shalimar

In Canada most medical personnel address patients by their first name unless requested otherwise.


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## QuickSilver

applecruncher said:


> Miss/Mrs/Ms, whatever.  Yes, Miss is an unmarried woman, Mrs. is married, and Ms. can be either.  I _think _most of us know that.
> 
> I believe the OP is referring to people who say (Miss/Mrs/Ms) then use _first_ name.  ("MIss Mary" vs "Miss/Mrs/Ms Smith). That's the way I understood it, and that's what I was referring to in my post.



In that case .... I prefer children address me by  Mrs.. and my Surname..  NOT my given name..  

As a side note... My parents were sticklers on a child NOT using an adult's first name.. always used Mr. or Mrs... Surname..  However, my parents had close friends that I called Uncle or Auntie.. even if we were not related.. THEN I could use the first name.. Uncle Joe... Or Auntie Millie...


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## Cookie

First name for me too, as is done by medical staff here.  And I certainly don't want anyone calling me madam.


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## applecruncher

Madam.....ugh 
Ma'am is okay sometimes, like from a cashier "Ma'am, you forgot your receipt/change".


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## jujube

Nobody ever knows how to pronounce my last name.  My first is easy to say.  So, at the doctor's office I usually hear "Mrs. uh...um...uh....mmmm....Miss (Jujube)?"

I was in the healthcare profession for many years.  Often, the question of how to address a patient arose.  Some offices felt that calling a patient in by using his/her first name was more "confidential" than using the last name.  At my urologist, where about 80% of the patients are male and many have...uh....rather personal problems, you're called in by "Number ______?,  number ______?"


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## SeaBreeze

I only experienced someone calling me Miss before my first name a couple of times by a coworker years ago.  He was not that much younger than me, so I just assumed it was a form of respect, and not necessarily of old age.  I do believe that Miss before a first name has southern roots.


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## QuickSilver

Here using a patient's first name without being requested to do do is considered disrespectful.. I have always addressed a patient as Mrs. Lastname... Or Mr. Lastname unless the patient requested otherwise.  There have been times I have asked a patient what they preferred to be called.. To just use a first name without having permission is rude.   You have to remember that a patient is subjected to so many indignities as a normal course of treatment..  This is one area that they are allowed to make the decision even if it is something as simple as how they are addressed.


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## AprilT

Well, I'm talking about people I interact with in a social setting, who even hug me up, kiss me on the cheek, I've known for a few years and so on, they just have a habit of referring to me that way and not anyone else in the group.  I understand formalities and usage, my mother taught me well in that sense, I happen to had been very formal in speech for many years when addressing people, I was brought up with a lot of proper southern habits which followed me for a long time.  Yes and please and thank yous and all that stuff which I was teased for, but, that's not me anymore and it's not the people who I'm referring to who seem to be addressing me this way so often which is why I find it weird.  But even a couple of very close friends will refer to me that way sometimes, but, I know why they do it, the britches.

To be clear, I don't feel offended, it's just comes off strange because it seems I'm the only one they say this to, at least in my circle or in my earshot.

PS and their using my first name, not my last name when they use the Miss.  These are mostly other single people doing this, my age or older, sometimes younger, but mostly my social circle.


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## SeaBreeze

AprilT said:


> What's funny is a lot of people my age and older put the Miss in front of my name and they don't do it with other people we know, Next time I see some of these people, I'm going to ask them why do they do that, it's a little weird and they know I'm not older, they just automatically do it for some strange reason.



It will be interesting to see what they say April, please let us know.  I never had any friends say Miss before my first name, if I was the only one they were addressing that way, I'd be curious too.


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## AprilT

SeaBreeze said:


> It will be interesting to see what they say April, please let us know.  I never had any friends say Miss before my first name, if I was the only one they were addressing that way, I'd be curious too.



I will, next time I will be meeting up with a group of them will be on the 26th at a party, I know for sure the one lady she's in a picture with me in my album, she always refers to me that way, I'll see her there and ask her, my closest friends I don't need to ask, because I'll just have to curse them out for the answers I know they'll give.  LOL!


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## Butterfly

"Miss First Name" is a very old fashioned US Southern way of addressing a well respected much older woman, particularly, but not always, a woman who has never married, and also frequently used by servants toward their female employers.  It is never meant to be disrespectful when used in that manner.  Never heard it used between peers, though, that's really weird.

I've also heard it used toward very young girls, sometimes as "Missy so and so." 

I worked in a law office in Alabama and there was a lady there who had been in her job (secretary) for 50 years, and most of the much younger staff and attorneys called her "Miss Blanche" as a sign of respect.  She had been in her job before most of them were born.


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## Bee

Over here there is an old expression............'I don't care what you call me, just don't call me late for tea'.:bigwink:


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## chic

I prefer being called miss or missie ( usually by my seniors who I work with ) because I equate that with youthfulness. When people call me M'aam I see stars, am ready to punch arbitrarily, and just throw fits in general. I was only 23 the first time someone called me M'aam and I was too stunned to even reply to them. 

"Lady" would work for me just fine too. But never call me M'aam.


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## Ameriscot

I think of Miss first name as a southern US thing.

I'm fine with my first name by whoever. My DHs grandson is now calling me Granny Annie.


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## Warrigal

I worked in a catholic school for 25 years and was always addressed as Miss. Just Miss, the way kids address their mothers as Mum (or Mom). The nuns were all addressed as Sister although sometimes it sounded like Star. This never happened in the state schools so I guess there are cultures within a society that have their own idiosyncrasies. 

April, I wouldn't read too much into being called Miss April. It sounds pretty benign to me, but then I'm not attuned to local customs in your area.


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## Ken N Tx

..It used a lot here by cashiers when they see your name on your debit/credit card.


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## AprilSun

As I stated in my original post, this is just something I have been curious about for some time. I just wondered if it was just me that feels that way or is there someone else. I'm not offended and I don't say anything because I've always known that it is their way of showing respect. It just makes me feel old. But, the odd thing is, I can't remember hearing "Mr. Joe", etc. when they address a man. But, maybe it just means I'm not around men enough to know. It just doesn't seem to be as common among men as it is women. Thanks everyone for your response! I've enjoyed reading them!


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## QuickSilver

No.. you will never hear a adult man being called Master Joe.. or Master Gus..  Master is the male equivalent of Miss.  Do you think using Miss First name for women is a way to diminutize them?  It seems to be acceptable to treat women as children or as childlike.. particularly if they are elderly.


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## JustBonee

I've been called Miss Bonnie by a few of my 'older' neighbors for years.  Never really gave it a single thought, as it seems to be an affectionate Southern greeting.  .. and they do the same to the husbands ..as in  Mr. Jim.
 The kids never have done it though .. with them it's Bonnie or Mrs. Thomas.
I find no reason to be upset by it, because it's just their way of saying Hi...


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## QuickSilver

It's true that forms of address are cultural.  I work with a lot of hispanic women.. mostly housekeepers and they address me as well as each other Mamma or Mommie..   Seriously..  it's a form of respect to call a woman.. mommie.. in a casual setting.


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## Warrigal

Amongst Australian Aboriginal people the appellations Uncle and Auntie are given to elders of the community. It denotes great respect.


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## Bullie76

I've lived in the south my whole life and rarely hear it. It does happen though. An office manager at my old company was referred to as 'Miss Brenda' by a couple of employees. They didn't do it all the time, usually in a casual or funny way. They were all good friends. Brenda was married btw so it was not a reference to being single. I do hear of females being addressed as 'miss' if one does not know their name. 

I  have some younger neighbors refer to me as 'sir' on occasion. They are just being respectful since I am older, but it does make me feel old when a 40 year old person does it. I'd rather they just call me by my first name. When a teenager or child says sir, I appreciate it. Funny how we look at things...........


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## Mrs. Robinson

All the doctor`s office personnel call me by my first name-and I have been to several offices over the past few years,as you all know,due to my doctors moving away. Again,California tends to be very casual that way. The only time I can think of being called Mrs. Robinson anymore is at the grocery store when I use my club card and they hand me the receipt and thank me-or when Wes calls me that,which he does a lot as a term of endearment.


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## applecruncher

Aww come on, Mrs. R.  admit it.  You're still a little miffed about losing out to Anne Bancroft for "The Graduate".  btw, what does Dustin Hoffman call you?  nthego:


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## Mrs. Robinson

applecruncher said:


> Aww come on, Mrs. R.  admit it.  You're still a little miffed about losing out to Anne Bancroft for "The Graduate".  btw, what does Dustin Hoffman call you?  nthego:



Hahaha-when The Graduate came out,I was 17 years old,married about a month or two. Old Dr Schmidt sang that song to me as he told me that yes,I was most definitely pregnant. I can still remember it so clearly-and his nurse Betty standing there just cracking up! Good memory...


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## Butterfly

Never heard "Mr. Joe" either.  Just with older women.

I still use "Yes, sir" and "No sir" with people I do not know, particularly with people in positions of authority.  Got that from my parents and also from years of being in and around the military community.


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## FrannieFair

I think it is meant to honor those who have attained a certain age and wisdom.  However, it does *accentuate* that you have done just that.  I prefer that those who want to address me, ask me what I prefer.  I don't prefer Miss Frannie, especially by co-workers in my workplace.  I was mortified when a departmental secretary started calling me that during a departmental meeting.


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## fureverywhere

"Ma'am" makes me feel older than G-d. But where I used to work much of the staff was African American or Creole. Calling someone Miss June or Miss Anna was a sign of respect for elders, it was also a sign of affection between us. The Latinas use Mami for anyone female and adult.


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## Falcon

I've often noticed that sometimes one's outgoing manifestation (appearance, stance, attitude demeanor etc.)

determines what you are called by others.


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## Karen99

I haven't been called " Miss Karen" yet..lol. I think it would make me smile.  I'm usually just called Karen, but I don't mind being called Mrs.  I think it's good to say "Please call me____" if you prefer being called something else.  I never forget if someone tells me that.


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## MarciKS

AprilSun said:


> I have wondered for some time, if anyone besides me feels this way. When someone calls me for example,  "Miss AprilSun" it makes me feel so old.  I would rather just be called by my name without the Miss. I know I'm old but I don't like to be reminded. I have friends that have their grandchildren call me that. Am I the only one that feels this way? I was just curious about it and thought I would ask everyone here.


Well look at your choices. Ms...Miss...Ma'am. I'd rather be called miss myself.


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## AprilSun

MarciKS said:


> Well look at your choices. Ms...Miss...Ma'am. I'd rather be called miss myself.



I'd rather be called April.


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## hollydolly

AprilSun said:


> I'd rather be called April.


 I think being called Miss when you're in your  50's or older is patronising in the extreme.. I'm with you I dislike it .


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## CarolfromTX

Well, here in the South, it's a term of both endearment and respect. For example, if you're a friend of a family and close to their children, the kids would call you Miss Mary, rather than Mrs. Smith. So no, I don't mind.


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## MarciKS

AprilSun said:


> I'd rather be called April.


If they don't know your name then what?


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## MarciKS

So you just want April not Miss April?


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## JaniceM

CarolfromTX said:


> Well, here in the South, it's a term of both endearment and respect. For example, if you're a friend of a family and close to their children, the kids would call you Miss Mary, rather than Mrs. Smith. So no, I don't mind.


Similar to what I saw in the South.  For adults, regardless of age or marital status, it was always Miss. FirstName, or, if male, Mr. FirstName.


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## Pinky

I think it's kind of sweet.


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## JustBonee

JaniceM said:


> Similar to what I saw in the South.  For adults, regardless of age or marital status, it was always Miss. FirstName, or, if male, Mr. FirstName.



Just  everyday  language in the South  ... I  really never give it any thought.


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## Damaged Goods

I always thought "Miss" was a southern thing.


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## JaniceM

Damaged Goods said:


> I always thought "Miss" was a southern thing.


Not really.  It's generally considered an acceptable way to address female customers in grocery stores, etc.


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## JaniceM

Bonnie said:


> Just  everyday  language in the South  ... I  really never give it any thought.


I had a somewhat humorous experience.  I went into a business one morning, and when I noticed the person I was looking for wasn't at her desk, I asked one of her coworkers who was passing by "Is Mrs. Smith here yet?"  He was totally confused by the question til I pointed toward her desk, and then he replied "Oh, you mean Miss. Mary!"   Being from the Northeast, I'd never heard that approach before!!


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## gennie

Any are preferable to "Hey, you" and a lot is just local custom.   In a business, it's probably how the clerk has been instructed to address customers.


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## PopsnTuff

I get called Maam since moving to Virginia in the 80's......up north in Jersey it was always Miss no matter what your age was.


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## Em in Ohio

QuickSilver said:


> Miss is an unmarried... or never married woman.   I will never be a Miss...  Mrs. the proper title for a woman who is currently married.. or has been divorced or widowed.


After being dumped and getting divorced, I certainly don't want to be reminded of my mistake by being called MRS!  That's why I changed my name back to my maiden name.  But, I'm not fond of 'mam'  - seems rather sexist, as I feel it is referring to the fact that I have mammary glands!  I'm happiest without any sort of personalized greeting.


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## JaniceM

Em in Ohio said:


> After being dumped and getting divorced, I certainly don't want to be reminded of my mistake by being called MRS!  That's why I changed my name back to my maiden name.  But, I'm not fond of 'mam'  - seems rather sexist, as I feel it is referring to the fact that I have mammary glands!  I'm happiest without any sort of personalized greeting.


I think it's actually a shortened form of 'Madam'


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## Em in Ohio

SeaBreeze said:


> I only experienced someone calling me Miss before my first name a couple of times by a coworker years ago.  He was not that much younger than me, so I just assumed it was a form of respect, and not necessarily of old age.  I do believe that Miss before a first name has southern roots.


During the many years when I worked for pre-schools, we were all addressed as Miss 'X' - Age or marital status had nothing to do with it.  So, it can be a northern thing that we inherited from the south, perhaps.  I would have preferred a first-name basis, myself.


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## Em in Ohio

JaniceM said:


> I think it's actually a shortened form of 'Madam'


Hmmm... you could be right, but I don't want that title either - I'm pretty sure the head of houses of ill-repute are referred to that way!


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## Em in Ohio

Ok - Googled it:

What is the difference between *mam and ma*'am? Ma'am is another written form for Madam, which is used to politely or respectfully address a woman. But actually 'Mam' is a small version of mother, whereas, "Ma'am" is a contracted version of Madam.

*What is the difference between calling someone 'Mam' and 'Ma'am*


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## JaniceM

Em in Ohio said:


> Ok - Googled it:
> 
> What is the difference between *mam and ma*'am? Ma'am is another written form for Madam, which is used to politely or respectfully address a woman. But actually 'Mam' is a small version of mother, whereas, "Ma'am" is a contracted version of Madam.
> *What is the difference between calling someone 'Mam' and 'Ma'am*


Hmmm.  I didn't know that.  I guess it could be confusing.


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## AprilSun

MarciKS said:


> If they don't know your name then what?





MarciKS said:


> So you just want April not Miss April?



If they don't know my name they can't say "Miss April" so just don't call me anything. I would rather they do that than to be called Miss April.


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## Ruthanne

An operator on the phone the other day put Miss in front of my first name and it bothered me because she said it real cutesy-like...I sort of felt insulted at that.  But I blew it off.  When I was younger people would do it and it wouldn't bother me but now I'd really just rather be called by my first name without a miss or missus attached.  I know people will still do it, though, and I'll continue to blow it off.


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## MarciKS

I don't have a problem with being called Ma'am or Miss. Beats having them say hey you.


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## Patros

I’ve been using Ms for about thirty years. Even when I was married. I never liked Miss as it sounds girly. And I never liked Mrs - men are just Mr whether they are married or not. It does annoy me when people address me as Mrs, making the assumption that at my age I must be married(same as they assume I have children and grandchildren, which I don’t)


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## JaniceM

Em in Ohio said:


> During the many years when I worked for pre-schools, we were all addressed as Miss 'X' - Age or marital status had nothing to do with it.  So, it can be a northern thing that we inherited from the south, perhaps.  I would have preferred a first-name basis, myself.



I actually addressed this on two different forums a few years ago (regional differences, I mean).  People of all ages responded, showing it is not a generational topic.  Individuals from my home area said they address people as Mr./Mrs.LastName, individuals from casual areas said they were always on a first-name basis with everybody, and the Southerners piped up with Ma'am/Sir.


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## JaniceM

MarciKS said:


> I don't have a problem with being called Ma'am or Miss. Beats having them say hey you.


It doesn't bother me in person, but it does in writing.  "HEY!" is simply not an appropriate way to address someone.  From my experiences, it started more than a decade ago, and is still going on.  A few days ago, for example, I received a text from the grocery store letting me know the order was on its way.  'HEY! Your order will be delivered shortly!'  

Worse, though, is the honey/sweetie/sweetheart people have been complaining about around the web for the last decade.  I actually stopped shopping at one store because teenage cashiers were always going 'Hi Honey!  Hi Sweetheart!'   And that annoying trend hasn't ended, either.


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## Em in Ohio

JaniceM said:


> I actually addressed this on two different forums a few years ago (regional differences, I mean).  People of all ages responded, showing it is not a generational topic.  Individuals from my home area said they address people as Mr./Mrs.LastName, individuals from casual areas said they were always on a first-name basis with everybody, and the Southerners piped up with Ma'am/Sir.


Hi Janice - Here is a confession.  I find that I may be sexist, or just stuck in old ways.  I _do_ still address _men_ as Sir or Mr.   (Food for self-contemplative thought)


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## MarciKS

CarolfromTX said:


> Well, here in the South, it's a term of both endearment and respect. For example, if you're a friend of a family and close to their children, the kids would call you Miss Mary, rather than Mrs. Smith. So no, I don't mind.


They don't like us using those terms at work either. I come from that kind of setting so it's hard to keep from using those terms.


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## Linda

I think its silly to call me Miss and I don't like it at all.  What, do I look 17?  Linda, ma'am, or beautiful lady will do just fine.


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## hollydolly

Linda said:


> I think its silly to call me Miss and I don't like it at all.  What, do I look 17?  Linda, ma'am, or beautiful lady will do just fine.


hahaha...LInda... I think I'll go along with that too...


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## Rosemarie

I hate being called Ms......neither one thing nor the other. I was a married woman with children and I am MRS!


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## fuzzybuddy

I do have to say I don't run into this problem, even on the days when I shave. But calling a woman is a minefield.  You're never going to get it right. Does Peggy Sue call herself Peggy Sue,  or just Sue, or Peggy Sue Montague Prestman, Mrs Prestman, Mrs. Montague., Miss Montague, Peggy Prestman, Sue Prestman,  Mrs. Donald Prestman, Miss Sue Prestman, Miss Peggy, Miss Prestman,  Miss Peggy Prestman, Mrs. Peggy Sue Prestman, or do you just call her "Dot".?


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## MarciKS

I wonder why this bothers some and not others? It just doesn't bother me. Never has.


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## Pepper

MarciKS said:


> I wonder why this bothers some and not others? It just doesn't bother me. Never has.


I've said this before and unfortunately must say it again.  I Hate It when a woman, especially if she is near my age, calls me MAMA.  Hate, hate, hate and sometimes retort "I'm Not your Mama," and I usually get screamed at by the Mama-Caller, but sometimes it's so worth it!


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## MarciKS

Pepper said:


> I've said this before and unfortunately must say it again.  I Hate It when a woman, especially if she is near my age, calls me MAMA.  Hate, hate, hate and sometimes retort "I'm Not your Mama," and I usually get screamed at by the Mama-Caller, but sometimes it's so worth it!


Well that would be different. That's stupid. But to me being called Miss or Ma'am are forms of respect.


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## EvieB

I call it slave talk or plantation speak. The slaves used to use "Miss" or "Mister" with their first names to speak to or about the slave holders and their family members. It's disgusting that this ignorant, grammatically incorrect manner of addressing people is alive and well in 2020. It makes my blood boil when I am addressed in this manner. I never accept it. I always say that I am not a Miss. Please call me Mrs. or Ms. with my last name. 

A lot of people get upset and I explain to them why they should not address people in that manner. Usually it's done to older women and sometimes older men. Also being called dear, deary, sweetie or honey is infuriating. Where I grew up people called each other by their names. I say that people who call you by these types names are bullies. Giving someone a nickname without having any relationship with them are pushy, disrespectful people. So they say that addressing a woman as Miss Mary is showing respect. I say it shows ignorance and complete disrespect.


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## MarciKS

Man you are a harsh group.


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## Pepper

I like you @EvieB.  You have opinions, which I'd like to hear more of.  Welcome!


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## Geezerette

Ms, Mrs, Ma’am, Miss, Madam, I don’t care as long as it’s done with a polite/respectful manner. There are a couple of young women here who call me Miss Firstname & that’s ok too. But let some old turkey call me “young lady”.....then the claws come out.


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## AmberTea

At my age of 67, I prefer others to use my first name BUT I sure do get a mix. From those younger than
myself, I mostly now get 'sweetie' honey, if they do not know me. lol. *I kinda like it and kinda don't.

I don't get Miss or Mrs much.


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## Aunt Marg

EvieB said:


> *I call it slave talk or plantation speak*.


I agree. I loathe "Ma'am"!

Has always struck me as being subservient, something used by those who feel lesser-than. 

My name is *Marg*, and I am above no one.


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## Pepper

If you call me Mama you Will be sorry.


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## Kayelle

I've lived here all my life so maybe I'm not as touchy about  the "slave talk or plantation speak" as others have a right to be.

Actually I taught my kids to be respectful and address really close friends of ours as Aunt Jane and Uncle John , and not so close would have Mrs. Jane and Mr. John.
People they didn't know well were Mr. & Mrs. Doe.

As a very young mother, I remember a babysitter called me Mrs. (blank.) I told her that was my mother-in-law and to call me by my first name.  
Actually I want to smack someone I don't know if they call me "sweetie" " honey" or anything close to that.  I don't remember ever being addressed as "Miss" or "Ma'am"! If I have been, I guess it didn't matter to me.
I also don't like to be told "have a nice day"...I'm always tempted to say "I'll make my own nice day, thank you very much."
Lately, it seems folks are now saying.."Be well and stay safe".  I *REALLY* like that.


----------



## mlh

maybe we should just holler out hey lady like jerry lewis used to do. would that be less offensive?


----------



## Lovely Rita

Being a school teacher since I was 23 years old I grew use to being "Miss Rita" or Miss my last name" . Now that I am retired I just want to be called Rita or Lovely Rita.


----------



## JaniceM

MarciKS said:


> I wonder why this bothers some and not others? It just doesn't bother me. Never has.


It's probably due to what approaches were customary in the areas where members were from.


----------



## AnnieA

EvieB said:


> I call it slave talk or plantation speak. The slaves used to use "Miss" or "Mister" with their first names to speak to or about the slave holders and their family members. It's disgusting that this ignorant, grammatically incorrect manner of addressing people is alive and well in 2020.



Contemporarily, it's used by most native Southerners regardless of age or race depending on circumstance.  Miss, Mister, Ma'am, Sir are common and well brought up children are taught to use the titles for adults along with please, thank you etc.  Healthcare workers address patients by Miss or Mister when first meeting them.  It's also common when addressing customers or a new employee etc.

One of the take-aways I got from I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings is that in the Jim Crow era, whites did not use terms of respect for older black adults.  They do now.  Some things evolve for the better.  Since I learned that, it's music to my ears to hear whites use the honorifics when addressing blacks.

But the important thing is calling someone by how they wish to be addressed.  After the initial meeting,  most people here tell you if they want to use their first name. If they don't, you continue with Miss or Mister.


----------



## JustBonee

AnnieA said:


> Contemporarily, it's used by most native Southerners regardless of age or race depending on circumstance.  Miss, Mister, Ma'am, Sir are common and well brought up children are taught to use the titles for adults along with please, thank you etc.  Healthcare workers address patients by Miss or Mister when first meeting them.
> 
> One of the take-aways I got from I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings is that in the Jim Crow era, white children did not use terms of respect for older black adults.  They do now.  Some things evolve for the better.  Since I learned that, it's always music to my ears to hear whites use the honorifics when addressing blacks.



Very good post  Annie.  
Yes,  down here 'Miss'  is said so often to every woman, black or white,  young or old,  I don't even notice when it is mentioned.  
 It just comes out of your mouth like yes  or thank you.


----------



## tsguenther

At work, I am referred to as Miss Tammy.  At first I would joke around and say, "I'm not that old! ", but more and more of my coworkers started addressing me like that.  It is out of respect that they are addressing me as such. Also, it is a "Southern thing". Having grown up in both the North and the South, I can attest to the fact that up North you address your elders by "Mr./Mrs. last name" and in the South it's "Mr./Miss first name". Using Sir/Ma'am is a universal sign of respect, no matter the age of the person being addressed.


----------



## Keesha

I like it. I think it shows a certain  respect and class.


----------



## tsguenther

I personally am "old school". I address others by "Mr./Miss first name", reply using "yes/no Sir/Ma'am", and I call *EVERYONE*, "Sweetie or honey". I have yet to come across anyone that objects to it, but then again I live in TN. I do realize those that reside in larger metropolitan or more populated areas are more inclined to *NOT* address strangers with such a familiar greeting, but it is a Southern thing that is done automatically. No harm intended.


----------



## Gaer

In the  places I've lived in the West, It's a derogatory term to call a lady of any age "Ma'am!"  
I'm not alone in this.  It really makes women irate!  However, "Ms." is appropiate and doesn't enrage.
I address others by "Thank you dear." for men or women,  hahaha!  We have to be SO CAREFUL these days of our words!


----------



## Phoenix

I ignore it mostly.  But when someone calls me Mrs., to me it means I'm a man's appendage.  There is no equivalent term for a man.  It used to be that a woman was nothing unless she was married.  I've been married three times.  That doesn't mean I was "owned" by any of them.  It used to irritate me a lot.  Now I try not to let anyone annoy me about anything.  It's a waste of energy, and at this age energy is gold.


----------



## Keesha

Gaer said:


> In the  places I've lived in the West, It's a derogatory term to call a lady of any age "Ma'am!"
> I'm not alone in this.  It really makes women irate!  However, "Ms." is appropiate and doesn't enrage.
> I address others by "Thank you dear." for men or women,  hahaha!  We have to be SO CAREFUL these days of our words!


I’m probably the minority here but I also view it as a respectful thing. The reason I say that is that the actions of the people using these words including eye focuss and body language are nothing but considerate and respectful. 

I can think of far more derogatory terms for old other than ma’am


----------



## RadishRose

If you're old, you're old, no matter what title anyone uses. If we're not used to being old by now, lord help us.

These titles are used as a form of respect and proper etiquette. If someone's area or community wants to twist these simple words into something ugly, that's just a shame.


----------



## Phoenix

We need to learn that "old" is not a four letter word.


----------



## Pepper

Phoenix said:


> We need to learn that "old" is not a four letter word.


"olde"
as in Merrie Olde England.


----------



## Phoenix

I don't live in Merrie "Olde" England.  I'm American through and through, a certified mutt.  Old is not a four letter word.  Those who want to be bummed about it will be.  The rest of us can embrace the good things that we have earned by living through it all.


----------



## Pepper

Phoenix said:


> I don't live in Merrie "Olde" England.  I'm American through and through, a certified mutt.  Old is not a four letter word.  Those who want to be bummed about it will be.  The rest of us can embrace the good things that we have earned by living through it all.


Sorry.  Sometimes I go through my silly hour(s).


----------



## Phoenix

Pepper said:


> Sorry.  Sometimes I go through my silly hour(s).


No need to be sorry.


----------



## MarciKS

JaniceM said:


> It's probably due to what approaches were customary in the areas where members were from.


Must be. I wasn't raised around any slaves or plantations so I don't know anything about it. I was taught to be respectful. Especially in food service. I guess if one of my customers wants to get ticked off when I say "Can I help you Ma'am?" that's gonna be their problem. I could find other things to call them. LOL!


----------



## Ardith

The insufferable little college age people next door do that to me, and in a very dismissive sing song tone of voice.  Decided I don't like the current crop of rental roomies there and will avoid them.


----------



## Shalimar

EvieB said:


> I call it slave talk or plantation speak. The slaves used to use "Miss" or "Mister" with their first names to speak to or about the slave holders and their family members. It's disgusting that this ignorant, grammatically incorrect manner of addressing people is alive and well in 2020. It makes my blood boil when I am addressed in this manner. I never accept it. I always say that I am not a Miss. Please call me Mrs. or Ms. with my last name.
> 
> A lot of people get upset and I explain to them why they should not address people in that manner. Usually it's done to older women and sometimes older men. Also being called dear, deary, sweetie or honey is infuriating. Where I grew up people called each other by their names. I say that people who call you by these types names are bullies. Giving someone a nickname without having any relationship with them are pushy, disrespectful people. So they say that addressing a woman as Miss Mary is showing respect. I say it shows ignorance and complete disrespect.


A very dear online friend of mine in his fifties, former 82nd Airborne, African American, often calls me Miss Shalimar ( insert my real name.) It is a gesture of respect, nothing to do with my age. He has no idea how old I am.


----------



## gamboolman

It is common in Texas and the South to address a lady as Ms. or as Mam and very common overseas to use Madam.

We were raised to be respectful and courteous.

But working International for megaoil corp, I can say for sure I have had interactions with women who were offended by being calling Ms. xxxx or the use of Mam or Madam

Glad I'm from Texas and Thank God for Them Texas Gals and Grits ( Girls Raised In The South ) ........

gamboolman.....


----------



## RiverM55

gamboolman said:


> It is common in Texas and the South to address a lady as Ms. or as Mam and very common overseas to use Madam.
> 
> We were raised to be respectful and courteous.
> 
> But working International for megaoil corp, I can say for sure I have had interactions with women who were offended by being calling Ms. xxxx or the use of Mam or Madam
> 
> Glad I'm from Texas and Thank God for Them Texas Gals and Grits ( Girls Raised In The South ) ........
> 
> gamboolman.....


We try to be respectful too. Everyone round here gets called Miss Ms Ma'am whatever title is necessary based on whether we know em or not. It's considered rude to call a person by their first name without permission. Especially if we don't know em.


----------



## Bethea

RiverM55 said:


> We try to be respectful too. Everyone round here gets called Miss Ms Ma'am whatever title is necessary based on whether we know em or not. It's considered rude to call a person by their first name without permission. Especially if we don't know em.



Here as well. I've never taken offense. There are far worse things to get upset over.


----------



## Sunny

Never mind "Miss."  I'm rewatching Downton Abbey for at least the third time, and I should be most pleased to be called Lady Sunny.


----------



## fuzzybuddy

If Miss and Ma'am somehow are deemed inappropriate,  exactly what do I call a woman?  "Hey, you"?


----------



## Pepper

Why must you use any noun?


----------



## OldiebutGoodie

QuickSilver said:


> No.. you will never hear a adult man being called Master Joe.. or Master Gus..  Master is the male equivalent of Miss.  Do you think using Miss First name for women is a way to diminutize them?  It seems to be acceptable to treat women as children or as childlike.. particularly if they are elderly.


To me it feels diminutive not respectful.


----------



## Jules

Kayelle said:


> Actually I want to smack someone I don't know if they call me "sweetie" " honey" or anything close to that.


At times I’ll say something.  DH will watch to see if my temper will flash if someone has done it repeatedly.  It’s not very often and I’m not rude.  Sweetie is a term for little kids  and really old people, so darn well don’t call me that.

It always seems off when I hear (on tv) an adult man answering or talking with another man and saying “yes, sir” repeatedly.  Obviously I’m not from the south.


----------



## Lewkat

I was raised to use a title before a name.  Or sir and ma'am was always acceptable.  I still do it today.


----------



## MarciKS

Pepper said:


> Why must you use any noun?


My guess is because it seems rude to say Hey Lady.


----------



## Pinky

MarciKS said:


> My guess is because it seems rude to say Hey Lady.


That always reminds me of those Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin movies, where Jerry Lewis says "Heyyy Laaady!"


----------



## Leonie

Can't say I've ever heard of that practice before.  It does sound like something a child might use out of respect for an adult.  

I was raised to not call an adult by their first name.  I'm another one who had a lot of Aunts who weren't related to me as a kid.  As an adult though, I was more or less invited to call them by their first name.  And if I wasn't 'invited', I did anyway.   

So I understand what you're saying, it would feel sort of wrong coming from one adult to another. I wonder if your name somehow 'goes' with the Miss.  Some names roll off the tongue nicely with this practice - Miss Mary or Miss Daisy.  Maybe someone liked the way your name sounded and started using it and then others in the group just sort of copied it, thinking you liked it too.

I like to use the Ms title now but most people just use my first name or call me Mrs anyway.   I don't bother to correct them.

I was thinking I would rather like the 'Miss' way of being addressed but changed my mind when I tried it.  Miss Leonie doesn't quite work somehow.


----------



## MarciKS

Well then all I can say is y'all best not travel south. It will be a very angry journey for you.


----------



## Phoenix

fuzzybuddy said:


> If Miss and Ma'am somehow are deemed inappropriate,  exactly what do I call a woman?  "Hey, you"?


Ms.,  like for a man it's Mr. Neither of them indicate whether or not the person is married.


----------



## wcwbf

worked with special needs hs aged kids for past 7 years or so.  students are encouraged t know teacher's/aides' names.  some called me Miss K (first name) some Miss S (last name).  had a student (one of my faves) who had a lot of difficulty verbalizing due to physical disability.  every day i'd ask her "what's my name? and everyday she would just shrug.  then one day, i was at one end of a hallway and she was at the other end and i clear hear her bellow ... "MISS K" at the top of her lungs.  my last name is often mispronounced, so it made no difference if i was Ms Seagull, Ms seagirl, ms seabird.

hey, i'm an "old lady"... call me whatever you want as long as it's not profane!


----------



## Ms Daswani

In Asia - particularly in India-  it is common to hear one's first name plus the suffix 'ji' to give respect to anyone older or if younger but has some authority .. as they would call me in a indo western way as:  Ms. Susan;  or Maya Maam rhymes well and locally common as Maya-ji ;  Mr. Adam or Adamji  or Adam ' bhai' meaning 'brother-ly respect to you.. your tea is ready;  the conference is ready to start. ;  They feel the need to speak with respect and it is too formal to say Mr or Mrs with your last name is too western.


----------



## MarciKS

I can't believe there's been 6 pages on this topic. LOL


----------



## RadishRose

Ms Daswani said:


> In Asia - particularly in India-  it is common to hear one's first name plus the suffix 'ji' to give respect to anyone older or if younger but has some authority .. as they would call me in a indo western way as:  Ms. Susan;  or Maya Maam rhymes well and locally common as Maya-ji ;  Mr. Adam or Adamji  or Adam ' bhai' meaning 'brother-ly respect to you.. your tea is ready;  the conference is ready to start. ;  They feel the need to speak with respect and it is too formal to say Mr or Mrs with your last name is too western.


----------



## Ardith123

SeaBreeze said:


> It will be interesting to see what they say April, please let us know. I never had any friends say Miss before my first name, if I was the only one they were addressing that way, I'd be curious too.


OK, Cue the banjo music in the background, I don't like it either being called Miss Ardith by my millennial neighbors and I told them I'm not from the South, so knock it off.  The third or fourth time the other day, I was taking out my trash and said "I will hit you over the head with this garbage can lid!"


----------



## Ardith123

Update on my post:. The dental hygienist called me Miss last week at my first appointment, and when I asked her nicely to to not call me that she said "Oh, trying to stay young, are we?".  With a snotty answer like that it proves there is generational hostility behind it, as far as I can see.


----------



## fmdog44

I recall my mom saying to me "If you ever refer to me as 'your old lady' I'll bat your ears back."


----------



## oldiebutgoody

Temperance said:


> I believe putting Miss before given name is meant as a sign of respect.  And yes, used in the south more than other places.  Children will always call their friends mom Miss (given name).  I never took offense to it.


Miss definitely is a sign of respect. Old time East Coast Yankees always used Miss 𝙵̲𝚒̲𝚛̲𝚜̲𝚝̲ 𝙽̲𝚊̲𝚖̲𝚎͢     when they were courting a lady. 

When I first started coaching girls softball way back in the 1970s I addressed my girls  as Miss __________ .  To this day whenever I refer to a lady such as an athlete I use that term when referring to her.  Nowadays only the world of professional wrestling uses that for lady wrestlers.

One thing more - a few years ago I was on an international tennis web site and came across something interesting.  A thread existed on whether Miss/Mrs should still be used rather than Ms.  For some reason a few readers (some were European)  thought I was against the term Miss when I wasn't.  Interesting that despite the progressive leanings of most of the readers, they thought that  eliminating the term was sexist as that this is and always should be the proper term to use.  After clarifying my views we came to the conclusion that, yes, this is the proper term.

I am not opposed to feminism.  But it's just that I remain rather old fashion in this regard.


----------



## fuzzybuddy

AZ Jim said:


> Anyone calls me Miss Jim, I'm gonna either run or punch 'em out.


Sorry, Ma'am.


----------



## HeardWhatuSaid

AprilSun said:


> As I stated in my original post, this is just something I have been curious about for some time. I just wondered if it was just me that feels that way or is there someone else. I'm not offended and I don't say anything because I've always known that it is their way of showing respect. It just makes me feel old. But, the odd thing is, I can't remember hearing "Mr. Joe", etc. when they address a man. But, maybe it just means I'm not around men enough to know. It just doesn't seem to be as common among men as it is women. Thanks everyone for your response! I've enjoyed reading them!


Yes, I believe it has reference to your age. I too am a mature woman who works. Information about age that should be confidential apparently is easily accessible. I find the term “Miss Jane” offensive. Same with the term “Auntie”….it’s a dig in a ageism society that fears age — or needs to see ALL women as objects. Stop it folks. Use the first name of mature women ONLY if you are in a professional an/or social environment. Ageism begins at 40 years old Generation Xer’s…


----------



## Lewkat

Miss=single female
Mrs.=married female
Ms.=modern female


----------



## Pepper

Just don't call me Johnson.


----------



## MarciKS

good grief


----------



## dseag2

Pepper said:


> Just don't call me Johnson.


I remember this from the old days.  We used to say this as kids.  

Now, when someone calls me "Mr Doug" (yes, that's my name) I just consider it a term of endearment.  And if a Southern woman calls me "sweetheart" or "honey" I know I'm old but it still makes me smile.


----------



## horseless carriage

applecruncher said:


> Madam.....ugh
> Ma'am is okay sometimes, like from a cashier "Ma'am, you forgot your receipt/change".


Ma'am, the female form of Sir, is something that I was taught as a small child. My first school had a female head teacher whom we were all instructed to call, "Ma'am."
As for madam, that has the misfortune to share it's definition with the proprietress of a brothel. On a cruise ship, the staff all called the ladies by the French way of pronouncing madam,which is: "Madame," making it sound like: M'darme. It was much more attractive than madam.


----------



## HeardWhatuSaid

MarciKS said:


> Well look at your choices. Ms...Miss...Ma'am. I'd rather be called miss myself.


----------



## HeardWhatuSaid

Lewkat said:


> Miss=single female
> Mrs.=married female
> Ms.=modern female


In a professional environment any of those three are fine——followed by the last name —not the first.  “Miss Anne@ denotes a familiarness that likely does not exist.


----------



## HeardWhatuSaid

Yes….followed by your last name.


----------



## HeardWhatuSaid

dseag2 said:


> I remember this from the old days.  We used to say this as kids.
> 
> Now, when someone calls me "Mr Doug" (yes, that's my name) I just consider it a term of endearment.  And if a Southern woman calls me "sweetheart" or "honey" I know I'm old but it still makes me smile.


Endearments are for those to which you are familiar…….not strangers or casual associates.


----------



## MarciKS

Oh for God sake! People have been called ma'am and sir for what? A gazillion years? So what? Get over it already! It beats what they could be calling you! I have never once felt old being called ma'am. It's just a term of respect. I'd rather be called ma'am than a get called a bitch or something worse. I swear sometimes some people are just too damn picky for their own good. There are so many horrible things going on in the world that this is something that is hardly worth getting offended over.


----------



## Lewkat

HeardWhatuSaid said:


> In a professional environment any of those three are fine——followed by the last name —not the first.  “Miss Anne@ denotes a familiarness that likely does not exist.


Actually, you'd need the first and last name since in the event of a common surname, a letter could go to a person mistakenly.  I've never heard of not using both Christian and surnames after a title.


----------



## fuzzybuddy

Yeah, calling someone "Miss" must be a Southern thing. I live in Pennsylvania, and nobody has called me, "Miss".


----------



## JaniceM

MarciKS said:


> Oh for God sake! People have been called ma'am and sir for what? A gazillion years? So what? Get over it already! It beats what they could be calling you! I have never once felt old being called ma'am. It's just a term of respect. I'd rather be called ma'am than a get called a bitch or something worse. I swear sometimes some people are just too damn picky for their own good. There are so many horrible things going on in the world that this is something that is hardly worth getting offended over.


But still, people should be able to discuss minor grievances "among friends."


----------



## RadishRose

I don't understand the correlation between the word "miss" and old age.


----------



## Pepper

fuzzybuddy said:


> Yeah, calling someone "Miss" must be a Southern thing. *I live in Pennsylvania, and nobody has called me, "Miss".*


Yesterday, I was called 'sir'!  Was masked, wearing an old big jacket of my son's.  It was at the bagel store.  After my order was completed, the young guy said "Anything else, SIR"  and I managed to laugh it off.  I have a very bad cold & my voice is in low register.


----------



## Mizmo

I have been single for over 40 years.  In the beginning after the divorce I was still called Mrs then eventually  my first name, usually at my request. Doctors, Banks etc., here in Canada usually use first name.

Personally I really don't care...just as long as you keep talkin to me...eh!


----------



## Jules

RadishRose said:


> I don't understand the correlation between the word "miss" and old age.


When ‘miss’ is used to speak to a senior and it’s not when addressing others, then it becomes patronizing even though the young don’t realize it.  It’s especially irritating when there’s a bit of a lilt to the tone.  A couple of days ago I got one of those ‘there you go my dear.’  No one else ahead of me was addressed that way.


----------



## MarciKS

JaniceM said:


> But still, people should be able to discuss minor grievances "among friends."


that's just it...it's minor. and it's been going on forever. i don't see the point in 7 pages of discussion over something so silly.


----------



## dseag2

Pepper said:


> Yesterday, I was called 'sir'!  Was masked, wearing an old big jacket of my son's.  It was at the bagel store.  After my order was completed, the young guy said "Anything else, SIR"  and I managed to laugh it off.  I have a very bad cold & my voice is in low register.


You made my day.    And I do hope you feel better soon!


----------



## fuzzybuddy

Pepper said:


> Yesterday, I was called 'sir'!  Was masked, wearing an old big jacket of my son's.  It was at the bagel store.  After my order was completed, the young guy said "Anything else, SIR"  and I managed to laugh it off.  I have a very bad cold & my voice is in low register.


Our language is heavily dependent on knowing the gender of the person you are talking to. I gotta admit, there are some people, who can look like either. You don't want to insult them, but they aren't giving you much of a clue.


----------



## Ruthanne

People called me Miss...when I was in my mid twenties so I find no offense with it.  It's a manner of speech some use.


----------



## Tom 86

Most people I don't know will call me Mr. Tom since they can't pronounce my last name here.  That's fine with me.  As I tell them. "just don't call me late for supper."  I've been called a lot of things in my 86 years.  Can't put most of them on here.


----------



## Chazzmor

Growing up in New Orleans, as kids we called all people my parents age or older, by Mr. and Miss and then their first name. Some really close friends of my parents were known as Uncle and Aunt. I didn't realize till I was older that they were not a blood relation...LOL.  In Hawaii and some Asian countries (like Vietnam). adults are called Auntie and Uncle, as a sign of respect, even if you don't know their first name.


----------



## Em in Ohio

Jules said:


> When ‘miss’ is used to speak to a senior and it’s not when addressing others, then it becomes patronizing even though the young don’t realize it.  It’s especially irritating when there’s a bit of a lilt to the tone.  A couple of days ago I got one of those ‘there you go my dear.’  No one else ahead of me was addressed that way.


Barring a sarcastic "lilt," I would think most young people are trying to be polite and respectful in their own way.  I don't take offense at any of it, personally.  Of course, if they hand me my package and say, "Here you go, you old hag," that would be another matter entirely!  (-:


----------



## Jules

I definitely qualify as old and little and female, so get lots of ’dear, dearie, sweetie, etc’. 

Yesterday I got the ‘here you go, sweetie’ in the same tone as spoken to a small child.  I wanted to make a suggestion a place where she could go.



Em in Ohio said:


> would think most young people are trying to be polite and respectful in their own way.


40+ old clerks aren’t trying to be respectful, they’re being ageist, whether they know it or not.  This patronizing attitude is contagious.  Most of it is in how they say it.


----------



## JaniceM

Jules said:


> I definitely qualify as old and little and female, so get lots of ’*dear, dearie, sweetie, etc’.*
> 
> Yesterday I got the ‘here you go, sweetie’ in the same tone as spoken to a small child.  I wanted to make a suggestion a place where she could go.
> 
> 
> 40+ old clerks aren’t trying to be respectful, they’re being ageist, whether they know it or not.  This patronizing attitude is contagious.  Most of it is in how they say it.


I agree with you!!!  although most I hear this from are girls in the 18-25 age range.


----------



## JazzySteph

It makes me cringe when someone calls me Miss Stephanie ughhhh.


----------



## gamboolman

I grew up in small town East Texas.
We were raised to say Sir, Mam, Mr., Mrs. Miss  and Ms  to show respect and  courtesy.
I have had some ladies say that they prefer to not be called Ms.  Thats OK - but the use of Ms is not - at  least  for me is meant  to  be offensive.


----------



## HarryHawk

I've spent most of my adult life studying Martial Arts.  I use the terms Mr./Miss/Sir/Ma'am to show respect to people whom I respect. So do many of my friends and associates.  I use these terms to address people both younger and older than myself.  I'm not sure I could break this habit even if I wanted to do so.

JUst curious, if folks are addressing someone whose name they don't know, would you prefer to be addressed as "dude", I'm not even sure what the female equivalent is.


----------



## Pepper

HarryHawk said:


> I've spent most of my adult life studying Martial Arts.  I use the terms Mr./Miss/Sir/Ma'am to show respect to people whom I respect. So do many of my friends and associates.  I use these terms to address people both younger and older than myself.  I'm not sure I could break this habit even if I wanted to do so.
> 
> *JUst curious, if folks are addressing someone whose name they don't know, would you prefer to be addressed as "dude", I'm not even sure what the female equivalent is.*


Dudette.


----------



## JustDave

AprilT said:


> Jurassic World was a bit of a disappointment.


I remember reading a review of the one just before the last one.  A movie critic, apparently getting tired of the redundant theme said, "Shut the damned park down already!"


----------



## JustDave

HarryHawk said:


> JUst curious, if folks are addressing someone whose name they don't know, would you prefer to be addressed as "dude", I'm not even sure what the female equivalent is.


I think "dude" is usually meant to be complimentary, but like AprilSun's aversion to being called, "Miss," "Dude" sounds disrespectful to me.  But I can trace that back to a personal experience from when I was 11 years old.


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## Gary O'

HarryHawk said:


> JUst curious, if folks are addressing someone whose name they don't know, would you


I've heard the term 'dude' across the board
For male, female, little kid, pet, other
I don't use the term, not in my wheelhouse, but somehow rather like it
Seems not offensive 
almost endearing 



HarryHawk said:


> prefer to be addressed as "dude", I'm not even sure what the female equivalent is.





Pepper said:


> Dudette.


Too funny

As far as addressing this geezer, I'm not offended at most inferences toward myself
Use whatever handle seems fitting to you
If it seems belittling or mildly degrading, I tend to ignore the ignorant 
Too many other things to get upset about
Like syrup on my pancakes
None of that sugarless slime
Pisses me off
Looks like syrup
Isn't


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## horseless carriage

QuickSilver said:


> No.. you will never hear a adult man being called Master Joe.. or Master Gus..  Master is the male equivalent of Miss.  Do you think using Miss First name for women is a way to diminutize them?  It seems to be acceptable to treat women as children or as childlike.. particularly if they are elderly.


Actually, master was commonplace when I was a child. It was the title given to young boys. Master John Smith might carry the same name as his father, but there would be no confusion if using the child's title of master. 

Master was used throughout my childhood, it slipped into disuse here in the UK, around the early 1960's. We used to joke at school as to whether a boy name of Bates found the title too uncomfortable.

Use of the term Madam in English speaking countries, always sounds like the proprietress of a brothel. The French soften the sound when they elongate the second letter 'a' making the word sound more like Madarme.

Use of titles seems to be a thing of the past, more's the pity. Two different utility companies wrote to me recently, there was a time when the letter would start: "Dear Mr. Taylor," what I read was, "Hello Robert," that faux friendliness made me so annoyed I felt like changing companies.


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## gamboolman

The use of Master and Madam is the norm / common  in Equatorial Guinea and Nigeria -  at least it  was for the 18 we lived and worked in both countries as Married Accompanied Resident Expats.

We retired 1-Feb-21.

But I will  admit it was / is  unusual for folks in the USA to hear  or use these terms nowadays.

I do remember the  use of Master for boys was  used in the 60's  growing up in Texas.


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## Jace

No, no, no... like...makes me _feel young._


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## Don't Miss Me

I agree, being called Miss (first name) is patronizing and verges on ageism. A particular co-worker with whom I'd worked for a decade suddenly started putting "Miss" in front of my first name. It came across as an attempt to distance herself. Which coincided with my refusal to take part in her shunning and gossiping about a new co-worker.


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## Nathan

HarryHawk said:


> ...would you prefer to be addressed as "dude"


No, makes me cringe that the term "dude" is actually still in use.   As young So.Calif surfers back in the late 60s we used the word _dude_ a lot, but, that was just because we were usually stoned...


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## StarSong

When I was in my early thirties, I met an African American co-worker's son.  The woman had been born in the south and her son was about twelve.

I introduced myself using my first name. The young man looked at his mom, who nodded, and he said, "It's nice to meet you Miss StarSong."

I gave his mother a questioning glance.  She said, "He has no need to call you by your first name.  He isn't your peer."  That lesson of using a respectful title for someone older wasn't lost on me and I began to incorporate it into my own interactions with people older than me.

When my kids were in preschool their teachers were called Miss Carol, Miss Nancy, etc. My daughter-in-law teaches preschool and the three year olds call the teachers by their first names. I disagree with stripping out the title. As my long-ago coworker would say, three year olds are not peers with their teachers.

When someone politely calls me miss or ma'am, I don't take offense. I believe they're being polite and deferential.


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## fuzzybuddy

What is the appropriate name we guys ae supposed to use?" Maam" I'm told is for old ladies, and now ": miss" is frowne3d upon. That leaves, "Hey, buddie."


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## Bella

Here's one for ya. When we were having the kitchen renovated, none of the guys we hired called me by my name. Not ever. Not once. They had no problem calling my husband by_ his_ name. I was called, "Hello," "Excuse me," and "Your wife."  I was really sick of it, so one morning I walked into the kitchen with a post-it note on my chest with my name boldly printed on it. One of the guys was an older man. In fact, he was the father of the guy we hired. He saw the note and said, "Is that so you don't forget who you are?" I said, "No, I know who I am. It's so_ you_ don't forget who I am. If you have any further trouble remembering my name, you'll find it on the checks you've been cashing." Let me tell you, it made no difference. He was a surly old cuss and was amused that he'd gotten under my skin. I had even let that old f*cker smoke his pipe in my house!

After the job was completed, I told the guys that they did a great job and that my only complaint was that they refused to address me by my name. The son not only didn't address me by my name, all along he had trouble making eye contact as well. I said I thought he was a nice guy and I didn't know if it was just me he had a problem addressing or if it was a problem he had with women in general and that he really needed to work on that. People like to be addressed by their names. He looked sheepish and didn't say much, except a lowly mumbled, "Sorry."

I'm not fond of being called "Miss," but it beats being called..._ nothing._ 

Bella


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## StarSong

Bella said:


> Here's one for ya. When we were having the kitchen renovated, none of the guys we hired called me by my name. Not ever. Not once. They had no problem calling my husband by_ his_ name. I was called, "Hello," "Excuse me," and "Your wife."  I was really sick of it, so one morning I walked into the kitchen with a post-it note on my chest with my name boldly printed on it. One of the guys was an older man. In fact, he was the father of the guy we hired. He saw the note and said, "Is that so you don't forget who you are?" I said, "No, I know who I am. It's so_ you_ don't forget who I am. If you have any further trouble remembering my name, you'll find it on the checks you've been cashing." Let me tell you, it made no difference. He was a surly old cuss and was amused that he'd gotten under my skin. I had even let that old f*cker smoke his pipe in my house!
> 
> After the job was completed, I told the guys that they did a great job and that my only complaint was that they refused to address me by my name. The son not only didn't address me by my name, all along he had trouble making eye contact as well. I said I thought he was a nice guy and I didn't know if it was just me he had a problem addressing or if it was a problem he had with women in general and that he really needed to work on that. People like to be addressed by their names. He looked sheepish and didn't say much, except a lowly mumbled, "Sorry."
> 
> I'm not fond of being called "Miss," but it beats being called..._ nothing._
> 
> Bella


Sounds like a case of like father, like son.  I'd find that annoying, as well.


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## StarSong

fuzzybuddy said:


> What is the appropriate name we guys ae supposed to use?" Maam" I'm told is for old ladies, and now ": miss" is frowne3d upon. That leaves, "Hey, buddie."


I don't have a problem being addressed as Ma'am or Miss and have rarely taken issue with strangers using an endearment to address me.  Attentive waitresses asking, "Can I get you anything else, Honey?" don't offend me.  Most people use honey, dear, sweetie, miss, etc., in kindly ways.  A few intend it to be demeaning or condescending.  It's not difficult to determine who's up to what. 

A couple of years ago my husband and I were at a special desk at Los Angeles Airport getting my underage niece checked in.  An airport employee came out of the back, smiled, winked at me, and said, "How are you today, Beautiful?"  The gentleman was probably a few years my senior.  I smiled back and said, "You just made my day.  It's been a while since a handsome man winked at me and called me beautiful." 

He laughed and playfully said something like, "A beautiful woman like you should be winked at every day."  My husband laughed, adding something like "Hey, do I need to break it up between you two?"  We exchanged pleasantries for a few moments while the clerk typed up our paperwork, then wished each other a nice day and all went about our business.   

Believe me, on that hot August, I, a woman her late sixties, was far from beautiful. I was wearing running-to-the-airport type casual dress, sweaty, no makeup and probably hadn't run a brush through my hair in at least four hours.

Some might have taken offense to the man's light flirting, but I was delighted with this completely spontaneous, charming, playful encounter with a fellow human of a similar age.


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## JustBonee

Any woman  not wanting to be called ' Miss'  should really stay out of the South ...   you will  be insulted to death around here ...


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## oldaunt

Just got new glasses and I'm telling ya the "miss" is a whole lot easier to take than some youngster calling me "sweetie" every other sentence.


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## Mizmo

I don't mind being called Maam but I do resent the word 'Dear'.
I overheard a conversation in which I was referred to as the 'old dear on the # floor'


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## Lavinia

Mizmo said:


> I don't mind being called Maam but I do resent the word 'Dear'.
> I overheard a conversation in which I was referred to as the 'old dear on the # floor'


When I first went to live in a complex for older people, I was referred to as 'that young woman'. At 60, I was younger than most. Now, I have caught up with myself I'm , 'That woman upstairs'.


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## barbhugunin

My doctor's nurse called me "Miss Barb" recently and I thought it was weird. Then I thought to myself, she thinks I'm old and she's being respectful, but it still makes me feel old nonetheless. I want to say, I'm not your preschool teacher!


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## Lorideedee

SeaBreeze said:


> It will be interesting to see what they say April, please let us know.  I never had any friends say Miss before my first name, if I was the only one they were addressing that way, I'd be curious too.


I really dislike being called by my first name preceded by “Miss”, especially by someone I have never met before. People in the medical field seem to do this the most, & I find it very condescending. Rather than respect, it feels denigrating & disrespectful.


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## Lorideedee

QuickSilver said:


> I believe it is a Southern American thing... as in "Driving Miss Daisy"..   I haven't been a "Miss" since 1967. Being from the Midwest.. I would expect youngsters to call me Mrs..  UNLESS I choose to ask them to call me by my given name.


Exactly.


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## Pinky

I'm just thankful I'm still recognized as being female .. call me "Mister", I'll start to worry.


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## Lorideedee

JustBonee said:


> Any woman  not wanting to be called ' Miss'  should really stay out of the South ...   you will  be insulted to death around here ...


Not really, I grew up in the South, & have only seen this usage in the past 15 years- 
Never ever heard anyone call my mother Miss Georgia until she was in a nursing home at 86.


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## Nemo2

Pinky said:


> I'm just thankful I'm still recognized as being female .. call me "Mister", I'll start to worry.


I was just about to say it would make me feel odd rather than old.


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## hollydolly

Lorideedee said:


> I really dislike being called by my first name preceded by “Miss”, especially by someone I have never met before. People in the medical field seem to do this the most, & I find it very condescending. Rather than respect, it feels denigrating & disrespectful.


you mean like '' Miss Lori'' ?... see, only Americans as far as I'm aware do this.. we even see it in  movies.. in Oklahoma in Fact there was a Miss Lori.., or Laurie...  is it a Southern US thing ?


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## RadishRose

Miss is out I see, as is Ma'am.

How about "Hey Lady" ?!


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## StarSong

RadishRose said:


> Miss is out I see, as is Ma'am.
> 
> How about "Hey Lady" ?!


I hear "Hey Lady", I think Jerry Lewis.  And not in a flattering way.

It's not clear here what women expect to be called if they object to "Miss" along with their first name. Is Miz XYZ ok - assuming the other person knows your last name and it isn't a tongue tripper?  

It would be even more socially awkward and incorrect to presume the Mrs. title when people don't know your marital status or if you prefer that title.  One of my DILs kept her maiden name, therefore she wouldn't properly be addressed by Mrs. using either her last name or my son's, despite the fact that she's married.    

Being called Miss Star by strangers who don't know my last name, or by friends' children or grands is preferable to me to being called Mrs. Song. Might be a California thing though. 

As my grandmother used to say, I don't much care what they call me as long as they don't call me late for dinner...


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## Nemo2

I was always called _Miss Fitt_.....or I thought that was what they were saying.


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## JaniceM

hollydolly said:


> you mean like '' Miss Lori'' ?... see, only Americans as far as I'm aware do this.. we even see it in  movies.. in Oklahoma in Fact there was a Miss Lori.., or Laurie...  is it a Southern US thing ?


From what I've seen, it seems to be.


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## RadishRose

StarSong said:


> I hear "Hey Lady", I think Jerry Lewis. And not in a flattering way.


LOL, Exactly! There is nothing wrong with Miss or Ma'am. If it makes an old person feel old, guess what? 

What else is there if you're not known to each other?


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## JaniceM

RadishRose said:


> LOL, Exactly! There is nothing wrong with Miss or Ma'am. If it makes an old person feel old, guess what?
> 
> What else is there if you're not known to each other?


It sure beats the Honey, Sweetie, Sweetheart, Dear that was endless in my previous location.


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## Jules

JaniceM said:


> It sure beats the Honey, Sweetie, Sweetheart, Dear


It’s not so much the words as the tone they’re said in. 

Today a store clerk handed me my parcel with that nauseatingly sweet tone.  “There you go, dear.”  The two women in front of me weren’t addressed like that.  It’s patronizing and it’s rude.


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