# Most irritating attitudes towards seniors?



## Gael (Mar 15, 2014)

What attitudes/stereotypes displayed towards seniors irriate you and why?


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## Bee (Mar 15, 2014)

None, it is the attitude towards youngsters that irritate me.


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## rkunsaw (Mar 15, 2014)

None at all. I've seen no negative attitudes and stereotypes are pretty much spot on. Nothing to be irritated about. Too many people are too damn sensitive about every little thing. That irritates me.


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## Warrigal (Mar 15, 2014)

I used to be irritated about becoming invisible until I realised that it was actually an advantage.

A bit like being under Harry Potter's invisibility cloak, 
it allows me to wander around wherever I like without being judged on my appearance.

Total freedom IMO.


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## Justme (Mar 15, 2014)

Some think older people should be patronised, and they call them darling and sweetheart, which is very demeaning, imo!

 The idea that children should automatically care for their parents in their old age also irritates me. However good your relationship is with your parents, looking after them in your own home is bound to put a strain on the family. If you don't get on that well with your parents it is impossible, imo. My father was sensible enough to realise in his last illness that he needed professional care, and booked himself into an excellent nursing home, where he was able to surround himself with things which were important to him. It also meant he was free of our mother! 

After his death our mother carried on living in their apartment, which our father had left to his four daughters. When it was quite clear she wasn't looking after herself properly we suggested a care home, although she had imagined one of us would put up with her! She was always difficult and the unfortunate daughter who took on that task would either be charged with murder, or end up in a psychiatric institution!   Our mother refused to go into a care home, but was becoming totally impossible, and badly upsetting the daughter who had power of attorney over her. In the end as the eldest child I decided to give her an ultimatum. I told her she had three option, she could either stay in the apartment with no help from anyone, be sensible and go into a good quality care home, or I would fly over and petition the Royal court to section her. She was in the lovely care home within three weeks. Mother had the best of care, not that she appreciated it, and we felt sorry for the carers who had to put up with her. Fortunately for everyone she died 11 months later, we are not quite sure what she died of, anger probably!   If that sounds hard, I would have challenged anyone to try living with that woman, I bet they would have felt the same about her!


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## Justme (Mar 15, 2014)

As people are living much longer these days, their children tend to be OAPs as well. Therefore the task is onerous, when you might have health issues of your own. 

My children and I have an on going banter, which is great. At the moment there is a debate about which cliff to push me off when I get too senile! My son-in-law suggested the clinic in Switzerland would be kinder. Of course I give as good as I get, and I feel so fortunate that I can have this sort of fun with my kids. They seem to be fond of the daft old bat, as I am of them.


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## Denise1952 (Mar 15, 2014)

Gael said:


> What attitudes/stereotypes displayed towards seniors irriate you and why?




Just the whole "too old" thing.  When is a person too old.  I will be too old when I say I'm too old.  I still like rock, I still like to dance, I know me well enough to know I'm never NOT going to like rock music.  I love muscle cars, I will always love muscle cars.  There's some other things too, but that tells you what I don't like about stereo-typing "older" people.  Oh, there is one more thing, I will never be too old to wear my boots and jeans! LOL!  Oh yeah, another thing, I'll never be too old to drive a jeep with the top down!


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## Gael (Mar 15, 2014)

Bee said:


> None, it is the attitude towards youngsters that irritate me.



Interesting. Obviously you've had no negative experiences from anyone concerning your age.


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## Gael (Mar 15, 2014)

rkunsaw said:


> None at all. I've seen no negative attitudes and stereotypes are pretty much spot on. Nothing to be irritated about. Too many people are too damn sensitive about every little thing. That irritates me.



Seriously? You aren't aware of any different attitudes towards older people in society? Here are some common ones and though you may not have encountered them, plenty of people have.

"The elderly do not desire, and do not participate in, 
****** activity.


Most elderly people are set in their own ways and are  
unable to change.

The	elderly are	unproductive	and	uncreative;	
cannot work as effectively as younger people.

The elderly are slow to learn, less intelligent True False 
and more forgetful.

Elderly people are crabby and hard to get along with. 

Elderly people become more religious as they age. 

” Ageism makes judgments about the 
actions, character and desires of people based on their age. There is also a sense 
that old age is inferior to youth.
Ageism has developed over many years as our society as a whole has put a greater 
value on youth than on aging. Television, movies and the printed media tend to 
strengthen the idea that young is “good” and old is “bad.”

People may also believe the myths of aging because information about normal 
aging is scarce. As the size of the elderly population has grown, interest in research 
on aging has increased. Early research was found to be invalid due to the subjects 
chosen so, until very recently, reliable information about the aging process has not 
been available."


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## Gael (Mar 15, 2014)

Warrigal said:


> I used to be irritated about becoming invisible until I realised that it was actually an advantage.
> 
> A bit like being under Harry Potter's invisibility cloak,
> it allows me to wander around wherever I like without being judged on my appearance.
> ...



You're absolutely about the invisibility factor, especially concerning females. And bravo, you've managed to turn it on it's head!:clap:


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## Gael (Mar 15, 2014)

Just sayin said:


> Not so much stereotypes, but the op photo above makes me cringe. Trying to produce an equality based stereotype, the ‘we can do what everybody else does’ thing. If you try to mimic the young generation, sorry, but it just makes me cringe. The photo is not meant to produce int
> erest in the music, it’s supposed to be something that produces laughter, because it looks so odd and out of place.
> 
> I think sometimes we produce our own stereotypes based on our behavior?  We all earn respect and its not achieved by making ourselves look stupid.



I think whenever we try to be something we are not, the false note sounds discordant and harsh.
To be able to embrace yourself for what you are today is a strength.


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## Gael (Mar 15, 2014)

Diwundrin said:


> Most stereotypical attitudes I find quite beneficial, I'm shameless in accepting assistance with things I can cope with myself when it's offered by patronising youngsters.  Good on 'em, they're doing what our generation was told/taught to do for the elderly and I'm pleased to find they still do that.  Not all, there are the ones who bash you up for your handbag too, but they're in the tiny minority.  Like Warri I also enjoy being able to go out wearing whatever is handy and not getting a 2nd glance.
> 
> The one thing that does annoy me is the attitude of some gen X and Ys  that we Baby Boomers are responsible for the fact that they didn't own McMansions by the time they were 25.  We're referred to as greedy for having saved the money that we worked for and in our older years have the unmitigated gall to spend it on supporting ourselves instead of them.
> 
> ...



You may like this clip:


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## Denise1952 (Mar 15, 2014)

Gael said:


> You may like this clip:



Oh man I love this flic!  I especially loved Jessica Tandy's acting You  might enjoy seeing "Camilla" if you haven't Gael  Also, Whales of August.


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## Falcon (Mar 15, 2014)

One thing that annoys me is being  called "Young man".  Like (for example) a store clerk saying, "How may I help you,

young man?" 

WTF ? I'm OLD, I look OLD, I KNOW I'm old, and the clerk thinks he/she is trying to cheer me up by calling me YOUNG !

Well, I've got news for them....It has the opposite effect.


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## Gael (Mar 15, 2014)

Falcon said:


> One thing that annoys me is being  called "Young man".  Like (for example) a store clerk saying, "How may I help you,
> 
> young man?"
> 
> ...



They did that to my husband one event we were at here and I thought it was patronizing and glib. But it was a DJ who was just a big ahole to begin with.


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## Gael (Mar 15, 2014)

nwlady said:


> Oh man I love this flic!  I especially loved Jessica Tandy's acting You  might enjoy seeing "Camilla" if you haven't Gael  Also, Whales of August.



Glad you liked it, Denise. And thanks for the recommendations!:chocolate:


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## Denise1952 (Mar 15, 2014)

Falcon said:


> One thing that annoys me is being  called "Young man".  Like (for example) a store clerk saying, "How may I help you,
> 
> young man?"
> 
> ...



Man I hope no one ever says that to me.


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## Gael (Mar 15, 2014)

Justme said:


> Some think older people should be patronised, and they call them darling and sweetheart, which is very demeaning, imo!



I know what you mean. It usually is done in a patronizing way.  Here they sometimes refer to them as "old dolls".


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## Denise1952 (Mar 15, 2014)

Gael said:


> Glad you liked it, Denise. And thanks for the recommendations!:chocolate:



Yum, I could use some chocolate this a.m. LOL!! ty Gael


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## Gael (Mar 15, 2014)

nwlady said:


> Man I hope no one ever says that to me.



Not unless some facial hair starts to become a problem. :bigwink:


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## Denise1952 (Mar 15, 2014)

Gael said:


> Not unless some facial hair starts to become a problem. :bigwink:



Yeah, unwanted hair, ick.  I mean if ya like it fine, I'm talkin "unwanted".


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## Justme (Mar 15, 2014)

Why should people be treated differently because they are old, I don't get it? Obviously if they have special needs then they should be addressed, just as you would with anyone else. However old age alone doesn't demand respect imo. Respect has to be earned whatever the age, and some old people definitely don't qualify because of their attitude.


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## That Guy (Mar 15, 2014)

Keep on rockin' in the Free World!


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## Denise1952 (Mar 15, 2014)

Justme said:


> Why should people be treated differently because they are old, I don't get it? Obviously if they have special needs then they should be addressed, just as you would with anyone else. However old age alone doesn't demand respect imo. Respect has to be earned whatever the age, and some old people definitely don't qualify because of their attitude.



It's like hearing someone talk baby-talk to a child, I don't mean an infant, but I love to hear parents talk normal to kids.  I think it should be the same with all people.  I am careful who I disrespect if they are grouchy etc.  I've found some of those folks to be the most wonderful people.  It's just they have a lot of pain, maybe physical, maybe other.  I know that some folks (any age) will be miserable in their attitude, I get there on occasion, and I think the objective is to make others feel as miserable.


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## That Guy (Mar 15, 2014)

Some of the most refreshing moments are when young people, usually teens or twenty-somethings, relate to me on equal terms.


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## Denise1952 (Mar 15, 2014)

That Guy said:


> Some of the most refreshing moments are when young people, usually teens or twenty-somethings, relate to me on equal terms.



Ditto on this, I got to be in some classes with much younger people and I was one of the gang, or it always felt that way  I mean I didn't get invited to out-of-class things but that's ok, I would not have wanted to go unless there where other's my age


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## Justme (Mar 15, 2014)

nwlady said:


> It's like hearing someone talk baby-talk to a child, I don't mean an infant, but I love to hear parents talk normal to kids.  I think it should be the same with all people.  I am careful who I disrespect if they are grouchy etc.  I've found some of those folks to be the most wonderful people.  It's just they have a lot of pain, maybe physical, maybe other.  I know that some folks (any age) will be miserable in their attitude, I get there on occasion, and I think the objective is to make others feel as miserable.



I think my mother, who in her opinion was always right, mission in life was to get others on the wrong side of her! Her mother, my favourite Grandmother, was not touchy feely, and spoke her mind, but I got on so well with her so did others.


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## Denise1952 (Mar 15, 2014)

Justme said:


> I think my mother, who in her opinion was always right, mission in life was to get others on the wrong side of her! Her mother, my favourite Grandmother, was not touchy feely, and spoke her mind, but I got on so well with her so did others.



I think some folks like to do that, it's fun for them.  I only think it's sad when they are deeply lonely, want relationships.  I mean, for me, I don't try to alienate people, I do sometimes.  There are a couple of people in this world that know I am full of hot air sometimes, trying to be tough.  They've just known me too long for me to be able to fool them


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## Bee (Mar 15, 2014)

Falcon said:


> One thing that annoys me is being  called "Young man".  Like (for example) a store clerk saying, "How may I help you,
> 
> young man?"
> 
> ...



Crikey I lap it up when someone calls me a young woman, it doesn't bother me at all, in fact I end up laughing and joking with the person.:grin:

I never feel patronised by it.


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## That Guy (Mar 15, 2014)

Often, we veterans can spot each other a mile away.  There's a great guy I've become friendly with in passing after seeing him at the grocery store a few times a week.  He always calls me "Young Man" and I challenged him once on that.  Discovered that he's much older them I am so he gets the respect due my senior.


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## Gael (Mar 16, 2014)

Just sayin said:


> It’s definitely a western thing. In the East the opposite is the case and age is treated with respect. It’s the same in Africa, village elders and all that. Students and young people in Asia often nod their head in a token bow to the elderly when they pass them by, or even those of middle age. Group attacks against the elderly, or attacks on teachers is absolutely taboo.



That always strikes me and do wish westerners would have more of that outlook.


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## Gael (Mar 16, 2014)

That Guy said:


> Some of the most refreshing moments are when young people, usually teens or twenty-somethings, relate to me on equal terms.



It's rare, but it happens and I treasure it.


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## Gael (Mar 16, 2014)

Bee said:


> Crikey I lap it up when someone calls me a young woman, it doesn't bother me at all, in fact I end up laughing and joking with the person.:grin:
> 
> I never feel patronised by it.



That's great because the majority of times is occurs, they're patronizing an older person. It's basically sarcasm. You're not young but they're playing a game and saying you are. Sort of like a very ugly girl being shouted at.."hey beautiful" by some wiseguys.


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## Bee (Mar 16, 2014)

Sorry Gael but I have never looked at it as sarcasm or being patronised and anyone that does in my opinion must have some sort of problem.

It might help if older people stopped looking for problems where there aren't any.


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## Gael (Mar 16, 2014)

Bee said:


> Sorry Gael but I have never looked at it as sarcasm or being patronised and anyone that does in my opinion must have some sort of problem.



Several here have so I'm not alone in this, but if you take it as you do then it's better for you I would say. And you may have encountered the minority who do this and are genuinely not being sarcastic or patronizing.


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## Bee (Mar 16, 2014)

No Gael the majority say it for a bit of fun, is it so hard to have a laugh and joke as we age and not look upon things as being patronising or sarcastic.


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## Gael (Mar 16, 2014)

Bee said:


> No Gael the majority say it for a bit of fun, is it so hard to have a laugh and joke as we age and not look upon things as being patronising or sarcastic.



Several disagree about that including myself, obviously. We will agree to disagree Bee.


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## LogicsHere (Mar 16, 2014)

I agree with what you said in your paragraphs 2 and 3.  And is especially bothers me when I see some little snot post that someone should be dead by the time they're 80. I particularly resent their attitude when many have starting salaries of $70,000 to $100,000 a year and I started at $45 a week. They also don't feel any responsibility to caring for a sick parent either . . . and curse us out when "their" (the younger generations) "entitled" inheritance has to go for the care of a parent in a nursing home.


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## LogicsHere (Mar 16, 2014)

Shame on some of you. I wonder how well you would have turned out if your parents felt the same way about raising you as a child.  I feel that you "owe" a parent something, perhaps not having to live with them I agree, as it can be difficult though I've been doing it for the last 3+ years and holding down a full-time job.  But many resent the fact that the parent is spending "their" inheritance on nursing home care.  You can't have it both ways.


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## LogicsHere (Mar 16, 2014)

While I did not have the opportunity to have children which I sometimes regret, I also am happy knowing that I will not be a burden to them. I will pay my own way and if the money runs out, well then I guess I become the taxpayer's responsibility.


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## Warrigal (Mar 16, 2014)

LogicsHere said:


> Shame on some of you. I wonder how well you would have turned out if your parents felt the same way about raising you as a child.  I feel that you "owe" a parent something, perhaps not having to live with them I agree, as it can be difficult though I've been doing it for the last 3+ years and holding down a full-time job.  But many resent the fact that the parent is spending "their" inheritance on nursing home care.  You can't have it both ways.


In our family we are bound to each other by strong familial ties and by tradition.

Parents give their children as good an education and they can manage, some of it within the home and some at school etc. The children are then expected to make their own way into the world but the parents remain their supporters and helpers, sometimes with money, sometimes by lending a helping hand with the children or with homemaking.

Later, the parents take a step back and just fill the role of grandparent. Eventually, the early roles are reversed. The children help and support their parents, managing the parents' money for their benefit. If it has to be spent on their care, then it will be.  If any cash or real estate is left when the last parent dies it passes to the children. Maybe it is a small sum, maybe there is bugger all. The children have already had the benefit of their parents' resources early in life. They should expect no more than this.

This is how it was with my parents and my sister and I. It is how it will be when I am in my dotage. It's not about debt. It's more about needs shifting over time and a sharing of resources to meet those needs.


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## rkunsaw (Mar 16, 2014)

After reading so many of these posts on this subject I'll repeat what I've said:

Too many people are just too damn sensitive. I think some of you are looking for a reason to get upset about every little thing. I never have a problem with people of any age being rude to me because I'm not rude to them. You get the respect you deserve and some of you don't seem to deserve any.

Okay, go ahead and call me whatever you want, I'm not the sensitive type.


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## Gael (Mar 16, 2014)

LogicsHere said:


> Shame on some of you. I wonder how well you would have turned out if your parents felt the same way about raising you as a child.  I feel that you "owe" a parent something, perhaps not having to live with them I agree, as it can be difficult though I've been doing it for the last 3+ years and holding down a full-time job.  But many resent the fact that the parent is spending "their" inheritance on nursing home care.  You can't have it both ways.



“To care for those who once cared for us is one of the highest honors.” 
― Tia Walker, _The Inspired Caregiver: Finding Joy While Caring for Those You Love_


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## Gael (Mar 16, 2014)

Warrigal said:


> In our family we are bound to each other by strong familial ties and by tradition.
> 
> Parents give their children as good an education and they can manage, some of it within the home and some at school etc. The children are then expected to make their own way into the world but the parents remain their supporters and helpers, sometimes with money, sometimes by lending a helping hand with the children or with homemaking.
> 
> ...



Hear, hear!:clap:


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## Gael (Mar 16, 2014)

rkunsaw said:


> After reading so many of these posts on this subject I'll repeat what I've said:
> 
> Too many people are just too damn sensitive. I think some of you are looking for a reason to get upset about every little thing. I never have a problem with people of any age being rude to me because I'm not rude to them. You get the respect you deserve and some of you don't seem to deserve any.
> 
> Okay, go ahead and call me whatever you want, I'm not the sensitive type.



I wouldn't call you anything, you're entitled to your take on things as is everyone.


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## Denise1952 (Mar 16, 2014)

Gael said:


> “To care for those who once cared for us is one of the highest honors.”
> ― Tia Walker, _The Inspired Caregiver: Finding Joy While Caring for Those You Love_



I had mentioned earlier about my relationship with mom I think, she was a heavy drinker, almost up to the day she died.  But still, I so wish my family would have been the kind of family that we all watch out for each other.  I truly believe it is meant to be that way.  I know people have their own ideas about it and good reason I'm sure.  Oh heck, I wish a lot of things about life were different but it is what it is I guess. Denise


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## Gael (Mar 16, 2014)

nwlady said:


> I had mentioned earlier about my relationship with mom I think, she was a heavy drinker, almost up to the day she died.  But still, I so wish my family would have been the kind of family that we all watch out for each other.  I truly believe it is meant to be that way.  I know people have their own ideas about it and good reason I'm sure.  Oh heck, I wish a lot of things about life were different but it is what it is I guess. Denise



I know,:chargrined: the ideal is often the furthest from the reality. It also doesn't help either that we grew up with shows like The Brady Bunch, Father Knows Best, etc., ,etc.


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## Gael (Mar 16, 2014)

Justme said:


> Why should people be treated differently because they are old, I don't get it? Obviously if they have special needs then they should be addressed, just as you would with anyone else. However old age alone doesn't demand respect imo. Respect has to be earned whatever the age, and some old people definitely don't qualify because of their attitude.



I agree about respect and earning it. I think though, to have a snide attitude towards someone just because of their age, appearance, race, economic status, etc., etc. is out of order.


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## Denise1952 (Mar 16, 2014)

Gael said:


> I know,:chargrined: the ideal is often the furthest from the reality. It also doesn't help either that we grew up with shows like The Brady Bunch, Father Knows Best, etc., ,etc.



Yes, kids don't get why their home isn't like that,  When you grow up you see it is the "ideal" but rarely reality.


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## Gael (Mar 16, 2014)

nwlady said:


> Yes, kids don't get why their home isn't like that,  When you grow up you see it is the "ideal" but rarely reality.



It's like the whole brainwashing of the media that we are affected by. Nowadays it's young girls especially emulating impossibly thin runway models and developing eating disorders, for example.


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## Denise1952 (Mar 16, 2014)

I think the one thing I think about most when it comes to getting older, is that "how long will I have my independence", specifically, my own home, and belongings surrounding me.  Just so many horror stories of folks beng sent off to "strangers" to not just run their life, but do things like bathing etc., strangers.  I admit that frightens me.  It's also one reason, even though I have more office experience (which isn't getting me a job so far anyway) I would like to care for someone that longs to stay in their own home, own belongings, and just needs someone to stay with them/live with them.  I think there must be a lot of folks that could stay in their homes if they just had someone willing to stay and do the things they can't do.

I can do a lot, talked about it over and over here, although I would have trouble lifting heavy.   I am still looking for something, and hoping.  I just applied for another (still waiting for an answer/offer from a Adult Foster Home) that is in Central Oregon.  Lord how I don't want to move again, but I have to do what I have to do.  This person needs a cook, housekeeper, nothing heavy duty, so I applied because yeah, I would love to help someone like that.

I hope one day I might be able to "first" be able to care for myself a long, long time, but when I need a little help, it would be nice to be able to stay at home, and have the "right" kind of helper live with me


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## Denise1952 (Mar 16, 2014)

Gael said:


> It's like the whole brainwashing of the media that we are affected by. Nowadays it's young girls especially emulating impossibly thin runway models and developing eating disorders, for example.



Yes, even watching that silly Cinderfella, I was feelin a tug at my heart like "wow, to have a fairy god-mother, LOL!   My brain is saturated with that stuff at 61 years old.  It's an ongoing battle to accept reality.  I'm just silly enough to still believe in, well, for lack of a better word, miracles.


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## Gael (Mar 16, 2014)

nwlady said:


> Yes, even watching that silly Cinderfella, I was feelin a tug at my heart like "wow, to have a fairy god-mother, LOL!   My brain is saturated with that stuff at 61 years old.  It's an ongoing battle to accept reality.  I'm just silly enough to still believe in, well, for lack of a better word, miracles.



Please, fantasy and I are well acquainted. And I wound up here in the land of the fae and myth. Just feeds it!:crying:


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## LogicsHere (Mar 16, 2014)

I, too, want to take care of myself for as long as I can.  But like you, I also would like to be able to stay in my own home with a compatible caregiver.


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## Gael (Mar 16, 2014)

nwlady said:


> I think the one thing I think about most when it comes to getting older, is that "how long will I have my independence", specifically, my own home, and belongings surrounding me.  Just so many horror stories of folks beng sent off to "strangers" to not just run their life, but do things like bathing etc., strangers.  I admit that frightens me.  It's also one reason, even though I have more office experience (which isn't getting me a job so far anyway) I would like to care for someone that longs to stay in their own home, own belongings, and just needs someone to stay with them/live with them.  I think there must be a lot of folks that could stay in their homes if they just had someone willing to stay and do the things they can't do.
> 
> I can do a lot, talked about it over and over here, although I would have trouble lifting heavy.   I am still looking for something, and hoping.  I just applied for another (still waiting for an answer/offer from a Adult Foster Home) that is in Central Oregon.  Lord how I don't want to move again, but I have to do what I have to do.  This person needs a cook, housekeeper, nothing heavy duty, so I applied because yeah, I would love to help someone like that.
> 
> I hope one day I might be able to "first" be able to care for myself a long, long time, but when I need a little help, it would be nice to be able to stay at home, and have the "right" kind of helper live with me



Your concerns are pretty universal, Denise. You're not alone there at all. And I hope things go in the direction you would like and that you find some position doing the sort of carer work you are describing.

They have a carer system here and it's very helpful, though recently they've made cuts there due to the economic downturn. 

Here's some links that may be of interest to you:

http://www.salon.com/2013/09/23/home_care_workers_are_not_babysitters/

http://newamericamedia.org/2013/06/...inding-skilled-eldercare-workers-not-easy.php

http://www.indeed.com/q-American-Home-Care-jobs.html


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## Denise1952 (Mar 16, 2014)

Thanks Gael, I will take a peek to see what they are all about.  I know things will work out.  I am ok where I am living, kind of a barter thing, plus enough cash to get me by.  My SS will be here by end of Dec. my birthday.  I just anxious to have way more going on in my life, busier.  Thanks again


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## nan (Mar 16, 2014)

I try to respect the elderly, as I would like to be respected and treated with dignity when I am old and frail, I would wish to live on my own and not be a bother to my children though so long as I could cope, otherwise I would probably move into a home for the elderly.
I understand that some older folk must be hard to cope with especially if they have Dementia and  I feel sorry for the hard times the carers are going through.


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## SeaBreeze (Mar 16, 2014)

nwlady said:


> I can do a lot, talked about it over and over here, although I would have trouble lifting heavy.   I am still looking for something, and hoping.  I just applied for another (still waiting for an answer/offer from a Adult Foster Home) that is in Central Oregon.  Lord how I don't want to move again, but I have to do what I have to do.  This person needs a cook, housekeeper, nothing heavy duty, so I applied because yeah, I would love to help someone like that.
> 
> I hope one day I might be able to "first" be able to care for myself a long, long time, but when I need a little help, it would be nice to be able to stay at home, and have the "right" kind of helper live with me



I hope you're able to find a good position helping someone out like that Nwlady.  I want to be able to take care of myself for a long time, but I realize that if my husband passes before me, I will be all alone and probably need some assistance with things as I age. 

 It's hard nowadays, because you can't trust everyone to be in your home, I would be blessed to find someone like you to help me out.  My mother had some lady coming in a couple of times a week just to do light housework and light shopping for her, she ended up having her family jewelry which was handed down to her stolen by this person. 

 We moved my inlaws into our home when my father in law had a major stroke, and was half paralyzed and needed full care.  They were both in poor health, both had wheelchairs, walkers, etc.  Glad we didn't need to put them in a home and have strangers care for them.

When I think of how they struggled, I am very fearful of being that way and having to trust a stranger to come in and do things for me.  Hoping there's more folks like you around, that is comforting indeed.

I was raised to respect my elders and help the elderly if they need it, I'm still that way until this day.


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## Ina (Mar 16, 2014)

Sea and Denise, I would have thought with all the online businesses that somewhere would be a site that did background checks to match up senior roommates. They could share household expenses and chores. I wonder what it would take to set that kind of thing up. You two need to start one maybe. :magnify:


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## Denise1952 (Mar 16, 2014)

LogicsHere said:


> Shame on some of you. I wonder how well you would have turned out if your parents felt the same way about raising you as a child.  I feel that you "owe" a parent something, perhaps not having to live with them I agree, as it can be difficult though I've been doing it for the last 3+ years and holding down a full-time job.  But many resent the fact that the parent is spending "their" inheritance on nursing home care.  You can't have it both ways.



I sure admire you LH, my nephew could have had a bundle if he'd skimped on his grandfather's care, but grandpa had the best that the money would pay for, real proud of my nephew  He didn't care about any inheritance, just a good kid.


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## drifter (Mar 16, 2014)

Of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and we each have had differing experiences that have help form and shape who we are. I am old now but in my day my mother in law lived with me over seventeen years. It would have been difficult for her to live alone. We moved her in when our kids were in elementary and middle school. It worked well for her and I considered it beneficial for my children. I build a large room on my house to give her a bit of privacy, encouraged her participation in our social affairs. She developed her own social life and was an avid Bridge player and over time developed many friends. I was also prepared to build a room for my mother should she need a place to live and no longer able to cope. It worked out well and I think beneficial for all of us. I was glad I could do what I did and would do it again.


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## Denise1952 (Mar 16, 2014)

Ina said:


> Sea and Denise, I would have thought with all the online businesses that somewhere would be a site that did background checks to match up senior roommates. They could share household expenses and chores. I wonder what it would take to set that kind of thing up. You two need to start one maybe. :magnify:



Seabreeze and Ina, I have another excellent iron in the fire, along with the one down South.  This one is even better, and I will be going over to the coast either tomorrow or Tuesday to meet the people, no worries, things are coming my way


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## Denise1952 (Mar 16, 2014)

drifter said:


> Of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and we each have had differing experiences that have help form and shape who we are. I am old now but in my day my mother in law lived with me over seventeen years. It would have been difficult for her to live alone. We moved her in when our kids were in elementary and middle school. It worked well for her and I considered it beneficial for my children. I build a large room on my house to give her a bit of privacy, encouraged her participation in our social affairs. I was also prepared to build a room for my mother should she need a place to live and no longer able to cope. It worked out well and I think beneficial for all of us. I was glad I could do what I did and would do it again.



I think a lot of folks that actually do this, find out it turns into a real blessing for them.  It's got to be difficult but yet, probably just worth it, again though, so's not to ruffle any feathers, I understand not everyone is cut out to handle this sort of thing


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## SeaBreeze (Mar 16, 2014)

That's wonderful Nwlady, best of luck to you! :coolthumb:


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## Denise1952 (Mar 16, 2014)

Thanks SB, was sort of a fluke, seems like, maybe just meant to be, but I ran into someone that knew someone, and the next thing I knew I was on the phone talking to some folks in needfftopic: so I won't be discussing this here, but pm if you want to know anything about my job situation


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## drifter (Mar 16, 2014)

I agree not everyone can handle it but then, I'm a diamond in the rough, just need a little rubbing and polishing.


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## Gael (Mar 17, 2014)

nwlady said:


> Thanks SB, was sort of a fluke, seems like, maybe just meant to be, but I ran into someone that knew someone, and the next thing I knew I was on the phone talking to some folks in needfftopic: so I won't be discussing this here, but pm if you want to know anything about my job situation



Sounds promising and all the very best, Denise!


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## Gael (Mar 17, 2014)

drifter said:


> I agree not everyone can handle it but then, I'm a diamond in the rough, just need a little rubbing and polishing.



At least you know you have the diamond potential. Too many aren't that aware of their own potential.


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## Amethyst1 (Mar 17, 2014)

Diwundrin said:


> Sounds familiar Justme, I count my greatest achievement in life to be the fact that I didn't smother mine.  Only my black sense of humour which allowed me to see the whole situation as an amusing mind game, played out over decades, kept me sane and  her alive, you were wise not to take yours on.  (I had no other commitments to compound things, I couldn't have done it with a family to consider.)
> 
> I counsel everyone I can reach NOT to take on the caring role for parents.
> Help out, put 100% into supporting them in their own digs by all means, even at a stretch build 'em a Granny flat in the backyard, but never, ever, let them move in.
> ...










I agree with you there Frail parents who put their own lifestyle, desires and needs, and self preservation above their children's...well sometimes they do seem like users. Manipulators. The idea that my elderly happiness is more important than yours stinks. Yes, she claims that she will not see another birthday and this goes on for ten years or more. I am sorry you didn't get to enjoy retirement...I hope she did not win "the game after all." I hope that I can enjoy my retirement. It's coming very soon.


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## That Guy (Mar 18, 2014)

Mistreatment of seniors has been a curse since time began.  Well, not actually because it did take time to for someone to age and become senior.  But, you get my drift.

Anyway, just remembered my dad telling me back in the eighties of some neighbor hood turds speeding past the house and yelling, "Hurry up and die, old man!"  He shrugged it off but I know it hurt him.


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## Gael (Mar 18, 2014)

That Guy said:


> Mistreatment of seniors has been a curse since time began.  Well, not actually because it did time time to for someone to age and become senior.  But, you get my drift.
> 
> Anyway, just remembered my dad telling me back in the eighties of some neighbor hood turds speeding past the house and yelling, "Hurry up and die, old man!"  He shrugged it off but I know it hurt him.



[h=1]Discrimination Against the Elderly[/h]http://seniors.lovetoknow.com/Discrimination_Against_the_Elderly


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## Mrs. Robinson (Mar 18, 2014)

That Guy said:


> Anyway, just remembered my dad telling me back in the eighties of some neighbor hood turds speeding past the house and yelling, "Hurry up and die, old man!"  He shrugged it off but I know it hurt him.



Hmmm,approx. 30 years ago. Those little punks (IF they survived their punkhood years) are now approaching 50 or are already there. Wonder if they ever think back on that and cringe?


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## That Guy (Mar 18, 2014)

Mrs. Robinson said:


> Hmmm,approx. 30 years ago. Those little punks (IF they survived their punkhood years) are now approaching 50 or are already there. Wonder if they ever think back on that and cringe?



Upon having that memory this morning wondered the same thing.  Wondered if any of them are still living and hoping maybe just one in the car was just going along with the peer pressure.


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## Mrs. Robinson (Mar 18, 2014)

That Guy said:


> Upon having that memory this morning wondered the same thing.  Wondered if any of them are still living and hoping maybe just one in the car was just going along with the peer pressure.



We can only hope.....


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## Denise1952 (Mar 18, 2014)

That Guy said:


> Mistreatment of seniors has been a curse since time began.  Well, not actually because it did take time to for someone to age and become senior.  But, you get my drift.
> 
> Anyway, just remembered my dad telling me back in the eighties of some neighbor hood turds speeding past the house and yelling, "Hurry up and die, old man!"  He shrugged it off but I know it hurt him.



Some seniors, like myself, start feeling useless in ways, forgetting things more easily, heard someone mention feeling invisible, definitely being passed over for jobs (and that one tics me because I know there are jobs I can run circles around other folks on).

That was mean of those kids to say to your dad, and when they are old, I hope they remember doing it.  What goes around comes around.  I remember making fun of my mom, with the rest of the family, big laugh, because she was back-firing walking across the floor at christmas.  My mom laughed, like I do now, about that stuff, but at the same time, it hurts to know that you are not young anymore and not as good at all you were.  I said some people for those here that have no problems growing old, or otherwise, well good for you I say!  That would be really nice.  Sort of like "oh, I never had any trouble with hotflashes" good on ya, I spend half my day peeling off clothes and putting them back on.


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## Gael (Mar 18, 2014)

nwlady said:


> Some seniors, like myself, start feeling useless in ways, forgetting things more easily, heard someone mention feeling invisible, definitely being passed over for jobs (and that one tics me because I know there are jobs I can run circles around other folks on).
> 
> That was mean of those kids to say to your dad, and when they are old, I hope they remember doing it.  What goes around comes around.  I remember making fun of my mom, with the rest of the family, big laugh, because she was back-firing walking across the floor at christmas.  My mom laughed, like I do now, about that stuff, but at the same time, it hurts to know that you are not young anymore and not as good at all you were.  I said some people for those here that have no problems growing old, or otherwise, well good for you I say!  That would be really nice.  Sort of like "oh, I never had any trouble with hotflashes" good on ya, I spend half my day peeling off clothes and putting them back on.



The arrogance of youth I call it. But they will arrive one day themselves.


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## Denise1952 (Mar 18, 2014)

Ditto Gael


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## Pappy (Mar 18, 2014)

A few years back, when our newspaper had an online forum, a young man was complaining that us older, retired folks should stay off the roads and out of the grocery stores, on weekends,  in order to let the working class do their shopping without all the congestion. 
I was surprised that many people agreed with him but all in all, I think it was about 50% for, 50% against. Actually, I prefer to do our shopping during the weekdays as it is not so busy. Do you think he has a point or is he being a arrogant so and so?


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## Denise1952 (Mar 18, 2014)

Pappy said:


> A few years back, when our newspaper had an online forum, a young man was complaining that us older, retired folks should stay off the roads and out of the grocery stores, on weekends,  in order to let the working class do their shopping without all the congestion.
> I was surprised that many people agreed with him but all in all, I think it was about 50% for, 50% against. Actually, I prefer to do our shopping during the weekdays as it is not so busy. Do you think he has a point or is he being a arrogant so and so?



On the roads things, my bet is he would be the worse driver.  No matter the age, some folks should not be driving, but that is for DMV, family, or the person to decide.  In grocery store, he's a total jerk.  People are in too big a hurry, some of them are allowing the "all might buck" be their God, and anyone or anything getting in their way has got to go, in their opinion.

One of my fave things when going to the grocery store, is meeting people, even helping them if I can.  Customer Service is almost a thing of the past in our area.  So especially meeting the elderly, is so much fun! I love conversations with them because they are funny, smart, and have such wonderful things to share.  A grocery store without the elderly??  I think I'd change stores.  Even when I was working and going to school full-time, I loved meeting folks in the grocery store.

No pappy, I'm sure there are as many folks out there that would think just the opposite of that guy hugs, Denise


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## Vivjen (Mar 18, 2014)

I like shopping at weekends and driving any time; just to annoy the others!


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## Denise1952 (Mar 18, 2014)

Vivjen said:


> I like shopping at weekends and driving any time; just to annoy the others!




LOL, atta girl


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## Denise1952 (Mar 18, 2014)

Here's one that busts me up:lofl:and no, it's not just seniors or youth, but where you are driving some two-lane highway (we have a few twisti ones in my area, most go to the coast, or central Oregon) and you're being tailgated, I usually pull over and let them by if it won't endanger me or anyone else (wide spot etc) and they go wizzing by 20 over the speed limit.  Ok, fine, they might be in a hurry to die, who knows.  So then you turn a couple corners and there's some road-construction and you just happen to pull up behind them, :lofl:  I'm rotten but it is hilarious to me.  What's not hilarious is how many times I've seen a guy or gal like that pass where there really isn't room, and endanger lives


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## Sid (Mar 18, 2014)

Pappy said:


> A few years back, when our newspaper had an online forum, a young man was complaining that us older, retired folks should stay off the roads and out of the grocery stores, on weekends,  in order to let the working class do their shopping without all the congestion.
> I was surprised that many people agreed with him but all in all, I think it was about 50% for, 50% against. Actually, I prefer to do our shopping during the weekdays as it is not so busy. Do you think he has a point or is he being a arrogant so and so?




   That reminds me of a cartoon years ago.  These ladies dressed in their Easter finery trying to find a parking spot in church Parking lot.  One says to the other, "You'd think people who go to church every Sunday could stay home at least one Sunday of the years to make it easier for us."


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## Sid (Mar 18, 2014)

What really ticks me off, is I am being my usual charming self talking to a pretty gal and she calls me "SIR".


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## Denise1952 (Mar 18, 2014)

Sid said:


> That reminds me of a cartoon years ago.  These ladies dressed in their Easter finery trying to find a parking spot in church Parking lot.  One says to the other, "You'd think people who go to church every Sunday could stay home at least one Sunday of the years to make it easier for us."




LOLLLLLLLL!! Oh that's good


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## Denise1952 (Mar 18, 2014)

Sid said:


> What really ticks me off, is I am being my usual charming self talking to a pretty gal and she calls me "SIR".



but if it has "Lancelot" attached that's not a bad deallayful:


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## Gael (Mar 19, 2014)

Sid said:


> What really ticks me off, is I am being my usual charming self talking to a pretty gal and she calls me "SIR".



Ouch!!


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## Jillaroo (Mar 19, 2014)

_I would take it as a compliment Sid, it's also a show of respect as the girls that you are talking to don't know your name._     :dontworry:


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## Justme (Mar 19, 2014)

Sid said:


> What really ticks me off, is I am being my usual charming self talking to a pretty gal and she calls me "SIR".




Be thankful she didn't give you a mouthful for trying to chat her up!


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