# I just realised I can't remember my mothers' voice any more



## hollydolly (Mar 28, 2022)

.. my mother died when I was 18 years old, she was 39.... I remember the feel of her hair , I remember the feel of her favourite sweater.. but I just realised I can't remember her actual voice !
I can hear her in my mind saying the things that I have memories of her saying.. but they're just words, I can't actually hear my mums' voice, her accent, ..just a memory of her words.. and in some memories I can  see her in situ saying them, but I cannot recall the sound of her  voice no matter how I try...

Does anyone else lose the ability to hear a long lost loved ones' voice.. .. or have you forgotten how they smell..or maybe  the feel of their skin ..?


----------



## Pinky (Mar 28, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> .. my mother died when I was 18 years old, she was 39.... I remember the feel of her hair , I remember the feel of her favourite sweater.. but I just realised I can't remember her actual voice !
> I can hear her in my mind saying the things that I have memories of her saying.. but they're just words, I can't actually here my mums' voice, her accent, ..just a memory of her words.. and in some memories I can  see her in situ saying them, but I cannot recall her voice no matter how I try...
> 
> Does anyone else lose the ability to hear a long lost loved ones' voice.. .. or have you forgotten how they smell..or maybe  the feel of their skin ..?


You lost your Mum when you were quite young, Hols. I think that's normal to not recall certain things, after so many decades gone by.


----------



## Silent Rose (Mar 28, 2022)

@hollydolly  I am so sorry. Do you happen to have any tapes where your moms voice may be recorded on them?


----------



## Kaila (Mar 28, 2022)

Such a moving post.  Thank you for sharing that, @hollydolly


----------



## Alligatorob (Mar 28, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> Does anyone else lose the ability to hear a long lost loved ones' voice.. .. or have you forgotten how they smell..or maybe the feel of their skin ..?


Interesting question.  I am quite sure I would recognize the voices, smells and feel of most of my lost loved ones.  But as I sit here I cannot clearly recall what they actually were...  

My mother died about 15 years ago and I cannot clearly recall her voice but I am sure I'd know it.  Others always commented on her strong Southern accent, but even when alive I couldn't hear it, I just heard Mama.

You may be somewhat the same, if your mother called out to you today I'd bet you'd know it.


----------



## PamfromTx (Mar 28, 2022)

My mother suffered with Dementia for 14 years.  She stopped verbalizing after 8 years.  So, no I don't remember her voice.  I do remember her favorite phrases though.

My sisters and I 'lost' her years before her passing.  She didn't verbalize and she didn't recognize us.  It would break my heart when I'd get those blank stares.

I am thankful that she is no longer suffering.  She suffered from inadequate care at the nursing home.


----------



## hollydolly (Mar 28, 2022)

Alligatorob said:


> Interesting question.  I am quite sure I would recognize the voices, smells and feel of most of my lost loved ones.  But as I sit here I cannot clearly recall what they actually were...
> 
> My mother died about 15 years ago and I cannot clearly recall her voice but I am sure I'd know it.  Others always commented on her strong Southern accent, but even when alive I couldn't hear it, I just heard Mama.
> 
> You may be somewhat the same, if your mother called out to you today I'd bet you'd know it.


Oh of course I'd know it if she called out to me right this minute... what I'm saying is that I'm a little distraught that in recalling my mother I cannot remember her voice, I can't remember the tone or the sound of her actual voice..


----------



## Kaila (Mar 28, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> have you forgotten how they smell..or maybe the feel of their skin ..?


I try to hold on to these.


----------



## hollydolly (Mar 28, 2022)

Silent Rose said:


> @hollydolly  I am so sorry. Do you happen to have any tapes where your moms voice may be recorded on them?


NO unfortunately we have nothing.. We had one cine film which was taken in the late 60's.. but no-one  was talking it was a silent film with us all at a picnic.. it hadn't been dubbed with voices because co-incidentally the movie camera belonged to my deaf uncle..


----------



## paulbidner (Mar 28, 2022)

it's strange, i remember what my own grandmother sounded like but my image of her in my head is fading...


----------



## hollydolly (Mar 28, 2022)

Kaila said:


> I try to hold on to these.


see I can still feel the softness of her hair,  and as I said her favourite  sweater which was a horrible material incidentally which is probably why I remember the feel of it.... but it was 50 years ago next year.. and I just find it so difficult not being able to hear the sound of her voice..


----------



## Kaila (Mar 28, 2022)

@Alligatorob 
Your post brought tears to my eyes.  I am thankful for what you wrote.
I think that would be true. Thank you.

I cannot remember all that I dearly wish I could, regarding my loved ones.
And then, there are the ones I did not have the chance to know.


----------



## hollydolly (Mar 28, 2022)

paulbidner said:


> it's strange, i remember what my own grandmother sounded like but my image of her in my head is fading...


My grandfather and my mother died exactly 7 days apart, I can't remember my grandfathers' voice either altho' again I can hear his words and see him in my minds eye clearly... my maternal grandmother lived until I was 27 I still remember her voice and her clear image..


----------



## Silent Rose (Mar 28, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> NO unfortunately we have nothing.. We had one cine film which was taken in the late 60's.. but no-one  was talking it was a silent film with us all at a picnic.. it hadn't been dubbed with voices because co-incidentally the movie camera belonged to my deaf uncle..


I am so sorry. I do know how frustrating it must feel to not know the sound of your mom's voice. This is something I have wished I could have experienced for even 1 minute of my life. It makes me even sadder to think of you that you had that voice and now cannot recall it. I think that would be even worse.


----------



## Ruth n Jersey (Mar 28, 2022)

I have tapes of my dad singing but none of my mom. I remember so much about them and others who have passed. 

My dad had very big hands and I remember him holding mine and how little my hand was in his.

Once in a great while when I'm sleeping I can here my moms voice calling my name. That brings back the memory of her voice. I always hope it will happen again so I don't forget but in the morning after she calls the sadness lingers.


----------



## Trish (Mar 28, 2022)

@hollydolly  The loss of sensory memory is very common, I have never been able to recall the sound of my dad's voice.  I still have his favourite jumper although it no longer smells of him but, to be honest, I cannot remember that either.


----------



## Silent Rose (Mar 28, 2022)

Trish said:


> @hollydolly  The loss of sensory memory is very common, I have never been able to recall the sound of my dad's voice.  I still have his favourite jumper although it no longer smells of him but, to be honest, I cannot remember that either.


Having the jumper to hold though I bet is a treasure though.


----------



## Lewkat (Mar 28, 2022)

No, I cannot recall my Mom's voice either.  I vaguely remember my Dad's.


----------



## Trish (Mar 28, 2022)

Silent Rose said:


> Having the jumper to hold though I bet is a treasure though.


It is.  As it got more worn, he wore it indoors.  It's funny the things which become treasures.


----------



## JonSR77 (Mar 28, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> .. my mother died when I was 18 years old, she was 39.... I remember the feel of her hair , I remember the feel of her favourite sweater.. but I just realised I can't remember her actual voice !
> I can hear her in my mind saying the things that I have memories of her saying.. but they're just words, I can't actually hear my mums' voice, her accent, ..just a memory of her words.. and in some memories I can  see her in situ saying them, but I cannot recall the sound of her  voice no matter how I try...
> 
> Does anyone else lose the ability to hear a long lost loved ones' voice.. .. or have you forgotten how they smell..or maybe  the feel of their skin ..?


very very sorry to hear this.

with memory, they say that there is a kind of trick that may help you.

don't try to remember the voice directly, try to remember it by tangent.


So, try to remember some incident in which your mother's voice was prominent..oh, like her scolding you or telling a joke..something more powerful and visceral.

Also, memory and the senses seem connected.

so, if you can go into a memory and try to remember as many sense as possible, it may help..


So, that would be the aroma of cooking, the scent of flowers in the room, the feel of tile on your bare feet, food that you tasted..
the more senses you can remember, it is supposed to help, generally, with memory.


----------



## JonSR77 (Mar 28, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> .. my mother died when I was 18 years old, she was 39.... I remember the feel of her hair , I remember the feel of her favourite sweater.. but I just realised I can't remember her actual voice !
> I can hear her in my mind saying the things that I have memories of her saying.. but they're just words, I can't actually hear my mums' voice, her accent, ..just a memory of her words.. and in some memories I can  see her in situ saying them, but I cannot recall the sound of her  voice no matter how I try...
> 
> Does anyone else lose the ability to hear a long lost loved ones' voice.. .. or have you forgotten how they smell..or maybe  the feel of their skin ..?


also, and I don't know if this will help you.

I have took Hatha Yoga and meditation classes going back to the early 80s'

There was a little trick we learned, to help us remember dreams when we woke up.

So, you wake up and just try to stay calm, try to breathe calmly. Try to stay relaxed. And then, in that state, gently concentrate on the very back of the head. Place some concentration there and meditate on it a bit.

I have done this to effect...it does work. But it is hard. The difficulty is you really have to try and stay half-asleep while you do it.

I assume the exercise helps stimulate the brain's memory centers?

Not sure why it works, but it does.

Now, that is to remember dreams.  Maybe there is some way to utilize that to help, generally with memory.


----------



## Nathan (Mar 28, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> .. my mother died when I was 18 years old, she was 39....


 

I was 22 when my mom died, she was 53. I can still hear my mom's-dad's-grandmother's-my daughter's voice in my mind...I hope not to lose that.


----------



## dobielvr (Mar 28, 2022)

Luckily, my nephew video taped my mother and father a few years before they both passed.  (they passed 2 mos apart)

They were sitting in their favorite chairs and we asked them questions.  I still have the tape, of course...but it's hard to watch.  I'm so thankful I have that to hold on to.   

I live in the family home, so I'm reminded of them daily.


----------



## JonSR77 (Mar 28, 2022)

When my wife's father passed, I found a voicemail that he had left her.  So, I transferred that to a voice recorder and then to computer files, so that I could save it for her.

From that, I decided to save voicemails from my mother, who is now 94, so that when she passes I will have some recording of her voice.

Seems like a good idea, generally.

I guess video (and audio) would be even better.


And, I just videoed one of our cats.  She had a cancer scare recently and I decided, I wanted to help me remember her if she does pass.


----------



## Murrmurr (Mar 28, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> .. my mother died when I was 18 years old, she was 39.... I remember the feel of her hair , I remember the feel of her favourite sweater.. but I just realised I can't remember her actual voice !
> I can hear her in my mind saying the things that I have memories of her saying.. but they're just words, I can't actually hear my mums' voice, her accent, ..just a memory of her words.. and in some memories I can  see her in situ saying them, but I cannot recall the sound of her  voice no matter how I try...
> 
> Does anyone else lose the ability to hear a long lost loved ones' voice.. .. or have you forgotten how they smell..or maybe  the feel of their skin ..?


I haven't forgotten, but my mom died only a year ago in January. 

Holly, in your head, do you hear your mom's words in _your_ voice? Maybe your voice is a lot like hers.


----------



## J-Kat (Mar 28, 2022)

So sorry you have lost that connection but maybe, hopefully, not forever.  When I read your post I tried to "hear" my mother's voice and I can see and hear her in her rocking chair singing her favorite hymn.  She died at age 89, one month short of what would have been her 90th birthday.  That was 25 years ago.  I see her sometimes in my dreams which always are at the house where I grew up.  Dreams and memories are can be such odd things.


----------



## Murrmurr (Mar 28, 2022)

Nathan said:


> I was 22 when my mom died, she was 53. I can still hear my mom's-dad's-grandmother's-my daughter's voice in my mind...I hope not to lose that.


Yeah, me too. Mom talking and singing, my Dad, grandparents, and my little brother, and he's been gone for over 30 years. I can hear their laughter, too, all of them.

 Holly,


----------



## Chris P Bacon (Mar 28, 2022)

I guess that things like voicemail and such weren’t around back in the late 60’s. But I’ve saved many voicemails my mom has left me for the past several years. I use Google voice and I archive them. Not all but some for just such a scenario. I’m lucky that my mom is still living. I can remember other voices from my past but I don’t have recordings of them. Just my mom.


----------



## Jules (Mar 28, 2022)

Trish said:


> It is.  As it got more worn, he wore it indoors.  It's funny the things which become treasures.


My mother wore her late husband’s sweater until she died, so 27 years.  Considering he was nearly a foot taller, it wasn’t done for style nor the quality of the material.


----------



## hollydolly (Mar 29, 2022)

Murrmurr said:


> I haven't forgotten, but my mom died only a year ago in January.
> 
> Holly, in your head, do you hear your mom's words in _your_ voice? Maybe your voice is a lot like hers.


I hear my mums words, I can even see her in my mind when she said some of those things.. but I cannot hear the sound of her voice. She had a different accent to me so our voices wouldn't be the same.


----------



## hollydolly (Mar 29, 2022)

Chris P Bacon said:


> I guess that things like voicemail and such weren’t around back in the late 60’s. But I’ve saved many voicemails my mom has left me for the past several years. I use Google voice and I archive them. Not all but some for just such a scenario. I’m lucky that my mom is still living. I can remember other voices from my past but I don’t have recordings of them. Just my mom.


I do that with my daughter, save as much of her voice as I can ..altho' I'll go before she does.. almost certainly,.. but just in case..


----------



## Capt Lightning (Mar 29, 2022)

I can't remember when my mother died - it must have been 25 years ago.  I have no record of her voice and few photos.  Occasionally I  wish I had some recordings of my father who knew various 'mummers' rhymes and folk poems.  Ah well, too late now.


----------



## hollydolly (Mar 29, 2022)

Capt Lightning said:


> I can't remember when my mother died - it must have been 25 years ago.  I have no record of her voice and few photos.  Occasionally I  wish I had some recordings of my father who knew various 'mummers' rhymes and folk poems.  Ah well, too late now.


That's unusual not to know when your mother died, unless of course you hadn't previously been in contact.. that would be understandable 

I know to the exact date every year , the date of my mothers' death, and on that date I  have a conversation with her  ..next year it will be 50 years... it's just doesn't seem possible...


----------



## Pepper (Mar 29, 2022)

@hollydolly 
I even know the day of the week and the minute of the hour that the doctor declared the end.  It would be easier if I didn't.

What a shock for you.  (((Holly)))


----------



## hollydolly (Mar 29, 2022)

Pepper said:


> @hollydolly
> I even know the day of the week and the minute of the hour that the doctor declared the end.  It would be easier if I didn't.
> 
> What a shock for you.  (((Holly)))


Yes I know the day, and the time... it was a Thursday and she was declared to have died at 5am... although she wasn't discovered until 7.30 am. 

The previous Thursday we'd had the shock of being given the news out of the blue that my paternal grandfather had died, age 73... 

I have no love for my own father as most of you know and you know  the reasons why.. but to lose your father and wife both unexpectedly.. in the space of 7 days , had to be a  shock.. even to someone as hard hearted and evil  as my father was... ..certainly it was a horrendous shock to us kids... double whammy in 7 days..


----------



## horseless carriage (Mar 29, 2022)

Kaila said:


> Such a moving post.  Thank you for sharing that, @hollydolly


It's certainly one that I can empathise with, my mother was 33 when she died, leaving Dad with four children under the age of ten. It's part of my life but one that I rarely discuss because of the emotion. 

Did mother's death make my siblings and I cautious about having children of our own? Probably.


----------



## Capt Lightning (Mar 30, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> That's unusual not to know when your mother died, unless of course you hadn't previously been in contact.. that would be understandable
> 
> I know to the exact date every year , the date of my mothers' death, and on that date I  have a conversation with her  ..next year it will be 50 years... it's just doesn't seem possible...


I expect that I was away on business and had to arrange trips etc..   By the time I got back everything had been arranged with a Masonic handshake.  I felt like a 'spare part' at the funeral.  My parents, siblings and I all walked very different paths through life.  I sometimes wonder if we were related.


----------



## Autumn72 (Apr 1, 2022)

Kaila said:


> @Alligatorob
> Your post brought tears to my eyes.  I am thankful for what you wrote.
> I think that would be true. Thank you.
> 
> ...


It's much too sad for me to handle right now due to my own loss in 2o16 two days b4 my bday.
So sorry Holly is going through this sadness she needs a huge hug from us all.
Tape recordings I had this in mind when my daughter was 5 or less singing Annie and You are My Sunshine it was taped over a story audio that SHE had and I tried to retrieve it for she had a storage I learned later only to be overtaken by 2nd estranged daughter April sorry I did not mean to say this oh  forget it.


----------



## dseag2 (Apr 1, 2022)

My father passed away 22 years ago and I so admired him.  We spent every Saturday together when I accompanied him on errands.  I remember how he looked but I am also having difficulty remembering his voice.  I just try to focus on his legacy.


----------



## dseag2 (Apr 1, 2022)

Chris P Bacon said:


> I guess that things like voicemail and such weren’t around back in the late 60’s. But I’ve saved many voicemails my mom has left me for the past several years. I use Google voice and I archive them. Not all but some for just such a scenario. I’m lucky that my mom is still living. I can remember other voices from my past but I don’t have recordings of them. Just my mom.


My mother passed away in November 2021.  She and my cousin were like mother and daughter.  My cousin kept all of the voicemails she left on her phone and still listens to them to this day.  

I took care of my mother for 22 years after my father passed away, so I still remember her voice quite clearly.


----------



## palides2021 (Apr 1, 2022)

JonSR77 said:


> When my wife's father passed, I found a voicemail that he had left her.  So, I transferred that to a voice recorder and then to computer files, so that I could save it for her.
> 
> From that, I decided to save voicemails from my mother, who is now 94, so that when she passes I will have some recording of her voice.
> 
> ...


Sorry that @hollydolly doesn't remember her mother's voice. I have taped my mom's voice. I asked her to recite her poems to me and she did. People have told me that I sound just like my mother.


----------



## palides2021 (Apr 1, 2022)

dseag2 said:


> My father passed away 22 years ago and I so admired him.  We spent every Saturday together when I accompanied him on errands.  I remember how he looked but I am also having difficulty remembering his voice.  I just try to focus on his legacy.


Aren't those memories precious, @dseag2? I remember my father's voice. It was deep and mellow. I loved his voice.


----------



## Lawrence (Apr 1, 2022)

I believe it is normal to forget what deceased parents' voices sound like. I think it is a form of self-defense. Just imagine being out somewhere and hearing someone talking in the same voice that your parents had. I think lots of people would totally freak out.


----------



## OneEyedDiva (Jan 7, 2023)

That's sad Holly. Years ago I started transferring loved ones' voices from the answering machine to a recorder. Don't remember how I did it but they wound up in my iTunes, so I will have their voices forever. I recorded my mom, godmother, the young lady who finally became my DIL with my two oldest grandchildren, each when they were toddlers...she called to have them "talk" to me.  Little did I know that I'd have to listen to those recordings to hear her voice again! I also have my son, late husband and a few friends as well. I have more voices that I need to transfer to digital format. I still remember my mother's voice without having to listen to the recording.


----------



## Blessed (Jan 7, 2023)

I was blessed to have video and voice recordings of my Mom, My Parents InLaw, and my husband.  I guess the thing that has bothered me most is losing my husband's smell.  So many people have told me a person does not have a scent. I disagree, a person does have a scent unique to only them.  

It was there the first time he hugged me at 15, it was there the day he died, I had kissed him and went to grab some lunch, he left when I was in the hospital cafeteria.  Of course, it was in the house.  In our bed, his pillow, his jackets etc.  The biggest place was his truck, I would sit in the garage, in the truck for hours.  His scent lasted there for over a year.  Family would ask are you going to the sell the truck, how could I, it was the only place I still had the scent of him.


----------



## dobielvr (Jan 7, 2023)

I still have a video my nephew made one day of my mom and dad.
He was asking them questions about their lives growing up and on up to the present time.

It's still very much the way I remember them.


----------



## jujube (Jan 7, 2023)

I was looking for a warm pair of socks a few days ago when it got cold here  and came across a pair of my late mother's wool socks that I brought home from her house.

I was so excited to find them that I said, "Yes, Mama, I'm putting on some socks!".  I could hear her in my head telling me my feet were cold and to put on some socks.  I could hear her voice.

When Mama said your feet were cold, we didn't argue.....it was just easier to go put on some socks.


----------



## Tish (Jan 7, 2023)

Yep same this way, I was 9 when my mum died, and sometimes I will walk past someone that is wearing the same perfume.
Makes me miss her.


----------



## hollydolly (Sunday at 4:03 AM)

Whenever I'm going through a bad time.. sometimes I will see tiny white feathers scattered around my garden, and to me that means my mum is sending a message telling me she's there, that whatever happens will be ok.. or that she's there watching over it..

The other day.. I was feeling very sorry for myself.. several things had happened during the day to upset me, and it culminated in me falling so hard I broke a door, and really hurt my back... .. I was on the point of tears,  really feeling sorry for myself, and was muttering out loud under my breath...why me..what have I done to deserve this....?..

FF to the following morning.. and I was getting dressed, and reached out for my jumper.. (sweater)>. and right there in prominent position was a white feather ..IN the House !!..On my Jumper !!
 Never has there been a white feather IN my house, much less right there on my clothes.. so I absolutely believe it was my mum saying.. don't worry you're not alone..I'm here.. and all will be well.


----------

