# Dating After 50



## Ruthanne (Sep 11, 2019)

*I was chatting with a man at a dating site and I guess I took too long, in his opinion, to try to get to know him.  He quit chatting with me.  I find many of the guys who contact me want to go off the site right away.  The site warns not to do go off the site with the person too quickly.  *
*
So, now I am chatting with 3 other guys there trying to get to know them and decide if I want to meet any of them.  

I want to meet someone but am not desperate and do okay on my own, too.
*
*Is anyone else dating or trying to date at this age?*


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## Aunt Bea (Sep 11, 2019)

Nope!



Good luck.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Sep 11, 2019)

Pfffft. Dating schmating. I thought about it about a year after my DH died, got on a couple of sites, and changed my mind in a real big hurry. My biggest objection? Their profiles indicated that they were needy and desperate...mostly for either a nurse with a purse or for somebody to wash and iron and cook and clean and polish everything to a high sheen. Thanks, but no! I've learned to live alone and really don't want to spend a lot of time with all that getting-to-know-you stuff, not to mention that ALL of them went on and on about how much time they spend with their grandchildren and adult children. Want my company? When do you think you'll have the time?


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## RadishRose (Sep 11, 2019)

Ruthanne said:


> *I was chatting with a man at a dating site and I guess I took too long, in his opinion, to try to get to know him.  He quit chatting with me.  I find many of the guys who contact me want to go off the site right away.  The site warns not to do go off the site with the person too quickly.  *
> 
> *So, now I am chatting with 3 other guys there trying to get to know them and decide if I want to meet any of them.
> 
> ...


No way.  I've heard so much about these men on dating sites. They just want someone to go to bed with. That's all.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Sep 11, 2019)

I should edit my response to "Dating After 50" because in my case it would be "Dating Pushing 80"!!


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## JustBonee (Sep 11, 2019)

Oh Ruthanne, be careful   ...    I could never give any effort to any relationship these days ...  too lazy.


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## Butterfly (Sep 11, 2019)

I don't need all that drama in my life.  I have no desire to cater to, cook for or clean up after anyone other than myself ever again.  Period.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Sep 11, 2019)

Further to my comment about_ his_ adult children and his grandchildren...would he expect that I'd drop everything to join him (and them)? And what about _my_ family? Would they count and when would there be time for them? See what I mean? One of the men who responded to my profile back then was 15 years older (I was 69 at the time), wheelchair bound and was "willing to pay for gas" for me to drive 75 miles to visit him, take him shopping, take him to visit his kids. Nah. I wasn't unsympathetic to his plight, but geez, what he needed was a caregiver, not a GF!


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## Olivia (Sep 11, 2019)

Ruth, don't get discouraged by some of these women here who have given up. I can tell you that not only is there  love after 50, but also after seventy. Of course those here who have given responses of some sort tells me that their marriages weren't so great or are not that sweet anymore. Or maybe they just don't care for sex anymore.

C'est la vie. Go by what you want and not what old women tell you. From what I recall, you are not even 60 or a little past i t. I just had to say this because of all the other negativity posted in this thread.

Ruth, go for it!


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## Ruthanne (Sep 11, 2019)

Olivia said:


> Ruth, don't get discouraged by some of these women here who have given up. I can tell you that not only is there  love after 50, but also after seventy. Of course those here who have given responses of some sort tells me that their marriages weren't so great or are not that sweet anymore. Or maybe they just don't care for sex anymore.
> 
> C'est la vie. Go by what you want and not what old women tell you. From what I recall, you are not even 60 or a little past i t. I just had to say this because of all the other negativity posted in this thread.
> 
> Ruth, go for it!


Thank you Olivia for shining a positive light on it.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Sep 11, 2019)

1. a little levity never hurt anyone
2. a little caution never hurt anyone
3. relating my own experience long before I was an "old lady" never hurt anyone, and
4. don't cast aspersions on what you *think* my marriage was like.

OK?


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## Olivia (Sep 11, 2019)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> 1. a little levity never hurt anyone
> 2. a little caution never hurt anyone
> 3. relating my own experience long before I was an "old lady" never hurt anyone, and
> 4. don't cast aspersions on what you *think* my marriage was like.
> ...



How about not discouraging other women because looking back you don't ever want to do it again. I only posted the opinions that I  read. No one stopped you from talking about the loving side.


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## Lakeland living (Sep 12, 2019)

I have spent time on a couple of dating sites, it isn't just the men you need to be careful with believe me.  I take my time and be who I am, most players go away. Yes I found several ladies and dated each for a while. But no spark, there are some nice people out there. The trick is to find them, most are being very careful, I know I am.


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## terry123 (Sep 12, 2019)

Butterfly said:


> I don't need all that drama in my life.  I have no desire to cater to, cook for or clean up after anyone other than myself ever again.  Period.


Same here,Butterfly!  It would be nice to have someone to pal around with and if anything developed, then good, but not looking for it.


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## Victor (Sep 13, 2019)

A common misperception is that men merely want sex, or later on, someone to keep house
for them or "a nurse with a purse". Well,  plenty of guys, including me, do NOT
want that.  We are not all out to take advantage of you. In fact, I am concerned
that they would take advantage of me.
 Ladies want someone to take them to dinner, be a 
gentleman and ask for nothing in return, except conversation, and many senior men will 
oblige and do this. That's not my POV.
Just because someone wants to date a nurse, for example, should not imply it is 
for health reasons, to take care of him. I got hit on another forum once for that.
To the OP, caveat emptor --online dating is very illusory.


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## Kimwhiz (Sep 13, 2019)

The only experience I’ve heard is from my son. He is so discouraged because the girls show up on a date and looking nothing like their picture. They doctor the picture and make him believe he is talking to a whole different person. That frustrates him because it’s being dishonest from the start. He’s not looking for sex. He said he won’t unless he feels close to that person emotionally. I’m sure there are people wanting a companion but it’s hard to trust in my opinion. I wish you all the luck in the world. I wouldn't want to be alone at this time in my life if anything happened to my husband. I’m not the alone type.


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## jujube (Sep 13, 2019)

When I started dating again, it was a series of adventures ranging from annoying to disastrous, but I persevered and eventually as I was about to give up, I met someone.  We've been together for 10 years now.


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## retiredtraveler (Sep 13, 2019)

RadishRose said:


> No way.  I've heard so much about these men on dating sites. They just want someone to go to bed with. That's all.


That's funny. I have two sisters in the 60 age range. In their experience, the 'going to bed' thing was very small. What they encountered were men looking for someone who they thought was reasonbly well off. Both sisters had white collar jobs and guys assumed they must be well off (they are reasonably well off, but certainly not wealthy). They would even have guys asking for money by the 2nd date (that ended that!).


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## retiredtraveler (Sep 13, 2019)

Victor said:


> A common misperception is that men merely want sex, or later on, someone to keep house
> for them or "a nurse with a purse".....


I certainly know this does not apply to 'all' guys. But as I mentioned in another post on this thread, the experiences of two of my sisters found this to be true for them.


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## Wren (Sep 13, 2019)




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## Wren (Sep 13, 2019)

[...sorry messed up again,


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## applecruncher (Sep 13, 2019)

@Wren 
Good to see you!


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## applecruncher (Sep 13, 2019)

I know of several couples who initially connected via online dating sites (or elsewhere online), and are now happily married.

Be careful, get to know the person, listen to your gut.  Meet first for coffee at a public place. Provide your own transportation or uber or whatever.  Never allow the person into your home until you know them well.

But...I also know of some not-so-great connections, and a couple of disasters. If the other person asks or even hints for money or some investment opportunity, RUN.  Don't give excuses, just say NO,  run and cease all contact with that person.

People who are _only l_ooking for friendship or a pen pal shouldn't be on a dating site, imo.


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## treeguy64 (Sep 13, 2019)

Janet and I met online. She drove down to see me, spent the weekend, moved in three weeks later. That was over fourteen years ago. We separated for a few weeks, over a year ago. I got back online, went out with seven women in ten days, had four of them over for dinner, not all together, , and quickly realized that people on online dating are very different than they used to be: Everyone is very suspicious, everyone goes on and on about how they don't care if they ever settle down with anyone as they don't really need anyone, they're quite happy on their own. OK, why did they get together with me? Anyway, realized my mistake, got back with Janet, muy rapido. I would not want to be on online dating, again! Bah humbug, I say!


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## Happyflowerlady (Sep 14, 2019)

I agree that a person needs to be careful with online dating (or any other kind, probably), and take time before you meet someone to get to know them well enough with writing, to think that you might enjoy being with them in person.
I belonged to a Christian website, and met my husband there almost 17 years ago.  Neither one of us were really trying to find someone to marry, we just wanted someone to talk with and share our day to day lives with online emails.

He lived at one end of the country, and I lived on the other end, in North Idaho, (3 hour time difference)  so I had to get up really early to “visit” with Bobby on Yahoo chat in the mornings, and I worked until late and then had to feed the horses and milk the goat before I was back inside the house, so he had to stay up late at night to visit with me then.
He was the director of a small Men’s Rescue Mission and couldn’t get away, so when I had a chance to go out and see him, I flew out to meet Bobby, and ended up staying, helping him with the homeless ministry, and then we got married.
I was in my late 50’s when we first started corresponding with each other, and I had talked with his pastor before I ever went out to North Carolina to meet him in person.
He is the best husband a person could ever have, and marrying Bobby was one of the best decisions I ever made.
So, I think that meeting someone online can work out, but you have to be careful and be sure that you know the person , and spend time writing with each other first.
If someone doesn’t want to take the time for long, earnest conversations with you online, then they probably are not going to be very good conversationalists after you meet them, either.
So, if communication is important , then be sure to find someone else who wants to communicate, too.


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## Ronni (Sep 15, 2019)

I’ve dated several men I’ve met online at dating sites. By the time it got to meeting them in person we’d been chatting online/thru email/in text and on the phone  for several weeks. The men who weren’t interested in that kind of getting-to-know-each-other runway weren’t worth my time. 

I enjoyed my relationships with each of these men. We ended things for a variety of reasons but I’m still friends with the ones who are still alive   

Keep going Ruth. There are plenty of worthwhile men out there, searching just like you for the right fit. It’s unfortunate that you have to wade through so much crap but persistence will pay off in the end!!


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## Catlady (Sep 15, 2019)

I think online dating sites is one of the best inventions after the wheel, it could let you find that perfect needle in the haystack.  If it works!

It would work perfectly if the posters did not post old photos, lied about what they are like, and lie about what they're looking for.  I tried a few times and the last time, when I was 59, this guy said that he liked to hike and ''explore'' and had no problem in the sex department.  Exactly what I was looking for!  After I met him, all he wanted to do was drink coffee and talk and had no libido and was impotent and had no desire to hike or explore.  He was attractive physically and had a nice shape, tall and slim,  but had no teeth and refused to wear dentures, I had trouble understanding him.   He was too lazy to clean his small apartment or wash dishes and paid his daughter to do it for him.   After a few dates I ended it and gave up trying to find someone and have never dated again.  That guy was the ''straw that broke the camel's back'' as far as I was concerned.


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## Catlady (Sep 15, 2019)

Ruthanne, did you ever meet that guy you were thinking of meeting back in August sometime?  How did it go?  Just curious, if you don't mind.


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## Olivia (Sep 15, 2019)

PVC said:


> It would work perfectly if the posters did not post old photos, lied about what they are like, and lie about what they're looking for.



I don't get it. That can be somewhat solved by video chatting with someone that appeals to you before meeting in person. Just about all devices these days come with a camera and microphone. And chatting that way can reveal better what each person is really like.


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## Catlady (Sep 15, 2019)

Olivia said:


> I don't get it. That can be somewhat solved by video chatting with someone that appeals to you before meeting in person. Just about all devices these days come with a camera and microphone. And chatting that way can reveal better what each person is really like.



Well, the last time I used a dating site was in early 2002 (with that toothless guy), I don't know if all those tech gizmos were available at that time.


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## Ronni (Sep 15, 2019)

Olivia said:


> I don't get it. That can be somewhat solved by video chatting with someone that appeals to you before meeting in person. Just about all devices these days come with a camera and microphone. And chatting that way can reveal better what each person is really like.


 
This. And if they decline, that’s a deal breaker right there. 

I weeded out a couple of potentials after several weeks of chatting with them because they wouldn’t send me a selfie. (Another deal breaker for me) if their profile Pic was so out of date that they didn’t want me to see a current pic of them them then hmmm...nope. 

A couple claimed ineptness with cell phones/didn’t have one/didn’t know how. Riiiight.  The fact that you’re on the computer to access the dating site to begin with shows some facility. Get a friend to take a pic of you. Go to a photo booth and post that one. Make the effort. Otherwise nope. 

I was also leery of only one photo. I posted many, doing what I loved, in a variety of different venues and settings, some quite unflattering.  Full disclosure, y’know? The one time I broke that rule, AND the one about a selfie first, I was shocked at the disconnect between picture and real life. At least a 100 pounds of disconnect.   The gentleman looked somewhat overweight in his picture but that didn’t bother me. Even all that extra weight wouldn’t have bothered me visually  but he had trouble with mobility as a result and was largely housebound. You know me well enough here now that you know I’m very active. While it wasn’t imperative that I be with someone who did everything I did, I also did not want to have them living life 100% vicariously through me. That is actually what happened. I decided to date the man because I had more in common with him than anyone else in my entire life. That part was wonderful! But when it came right down to it, a little while in, I realized that I did not want to go out and do everything I do by myself, then come back and sit on the couch and recount it all to him for his enjoyment.  That just wasn’t working for me. 

It was after that that I decided no more dating somebody with just a single profile pic, and who wouldn’t send me at least one selfie or more current one.


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## retiredtraveler (Sep 15, 2019)

I'm married to the person to whom I was set up with a blind date. Never know....


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## debbie in seattle (Sep 15, 2019)

I’m sooo lucky.    My guy was an electrician who came to our house while my husband was dying.   After my husbands death, I had him come back for another job, when he was done, he asked me to go out.  Said he’d been there with his wife and knew what I was going through.  Also assured me it was only coffee and to ‘talk’.   Took me almost a year to call him and say yes.    I’m so happy I did.   He’s wonderful and couldn’t be kinder and all that stuff.   Now that I know him as well as I do, he is actually a really shy guy, so asking me out must of been such a big deal to him.  Sometimes I wonder if all the stars were lined up or divine intervention for us to meet the way we did.


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## applecruncher (Sep 15, 2019)

retiredtraveler said:


> I'm married to the person to whom I was set up with a blind date. Never know....



I know of quite a few blind dates that ended in marriage.


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## toffee (Sep 16, 2019)

NUMBER 1- men seem in a hurry ?
2-- keep trying there is some honest men around.
3 - ask qs about them before any meets ……...
4 if u do meet - just coffee cafe'' just incase he looks like Quasimodo lol


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## Ruthanne (Sep 19, 2019)

PVC said:


> Ruthanne, did you ever meet that guy you were thinking of meeting back in August sometime?  How did it go?  Just curious, if you don't mind.


No I haven't met him @PVC He stopped chatting with me and I thought he lost interest because I wasn't wanting to meet right away.  I wanted to chat some to get to know him.  But all of a sudden yesterday he wrote to me and told me he is feeling better now after falling and hitting his head.  I'll see if he writes back.


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## Ruthanne (Sep 19, 2019)

Ronni said:


> I’ve dated several men I’ve met online at dating sites. By the time it got to meeting them in person we’d been chatting online/thru email/in text and on the phone  for several weeks. The men who weren’t interested in that kind of getting-to-know-each-other runway weren’t worth my time.
> 
> I enjoyed my relationships with each of these men. We ended things for a variety of reasons but I’m still friends with the ones who are still alive
> 
> Keep going Ruth. There are plenty of worthwhile men out there, searching just like you for the right fit. It’s unfortunate that you have to wade through so much crap but persistence will pay off in the end!!


 You're so right @Ronni Sometimes I've taken breaks from it.


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## Lakeland living (Sep 21, 2019)

It is great as long as you use common sense. 
Taking a break myself, it is now me and a smaller wood pile...dull maul , chain saw and the beat goes on.


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## Catlady (Sep 21, 2019)

applecruncher said:


> I know of quite a few blind dates that ended in marriage.


LOL Prince Harry and Meghan met on a blind date set up by her best friend.


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## kaemicha (Nov 24, 2019)

Ruthanne said:


> *I was chatting with a man at a dating site and I guess I took too long, in his opinion, to try to get to know him.  He quit chatting with me.  I find many of the guys who contact me want to go off the site right away.  The site warns not to do go off the site with the person too quickly.  *
> 
> *So, now I am chatting with 3 other guys there trying to get to know them and decide if I want to meet any of them.
> 
> ...


I am never going to stop dating. I like men. I like being around men. I'm a pretty good judge of character and if I feel as if I can trust someone I'll most definitely spend time with them. Just because I'm aging doesn't mean that I am done with men. Never!


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## Gary 1958 (Nov 28, 2019)

A males point of view - I'm 61 and have used internet dating.  I agree with exchanging several messages before meeting.  Many people don't like the messaging thing but for me it does help identify certain traits that are show stoppers.  

Many females are looking for a free meal with no commitment while many of the males are just looking for sex.  This destroys the trust between those that are truly looking for a person to spend time with.   I respect a lady that offers to pay her share on the first or second date and after a few dates she asks me out and makes all the plans and picks up the tab...a home cooked meal shows me she's serious.   It's not that I'm cheap but that we both are working towards something. 

In many ways the sex issue hasn't changed much since college.   The men still want it right away while the female would like to know she has more value than sex.  The downside to this is the females that are looking for free meals; the guy takes his time to plan a date and spends his money but when the relationship arrives at the sex or no sex point she gives you the "I like you as a friend" line.  I don't mind spending time and money but if I wanted to hang out with a friend it would be with my buddies that pay their own way.

I have dated individuals that discuss every aspect of a date with their daughters or girlfriends.  They then bring those points of view back to our next date and question why I did or didn't do something.   I feel like I need to impress several people instead of just one and I'm being judged on material things instead of my values and qualities.

I know ladies that will have two or three female friends on the same dating site and make a play for the same guy. They then discuss how he responds and begin to play games with him.

My bottom line is the online dating is bad for older people that are true and honest.  The sites are for deceitful people who are trolling for easy targets.  This has shown me the negative side dating and it's taken the fun and trust away from it.

Gary


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## kaemicha (Nov 28, 2019)

Gary, I understand what you're saying but this isn't true of all who are on dating sites. I'm self sufficient and I find men who are looking for me to pay. Not going to happen on first date. I'll leave the tip but that's it.

Sex? I'm all for it. 

I was on dating sites for decades and got pretty good at filtering out those who were misfits, for me, or downright bad guys. 

I feel like I'm maybe a bit old to be on sites like that now but that doesn't stop me from looking. 

Happy hunting. Ouch! That didn't sound good.


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## Islandgypsy (Dec 3, 2019)

Again, I had given up on this site due to the doom and gloom lack of optimism of some responders. Those folks, for their reasons, don’t want to accept that people over 60, 70, 80 can and do find other loving relationships and those relationships are no less joyful and blissful than those made at any other age. 

When my wife of 53 years and I retired to Florida, we found a large portion of the retiree population got off their butts and dated, socialized frequently and even enjoyed that horrible activity SEX  A common life theme here is “we’re going to die soon, let’s decide to be happy”.


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## boliverchadsworth (Jan 24, 2020)

Ruthanne said:


> *I was chatting with a man at a dating site and I guess I took too long, in his opinion, to try to get to know him.  He quit chatting with me.  I find many of the guys who contact me want to go off the site right away.  The site warns not to do go off the site with the person too quickly.  *
> 
> *So, now I am chatting with 3 other guys there trying to get to know them and decide if I want to meet any of them.
> 
> ...


No, but I am desperate to find a legit site...with legit folks...I also, because of privacy and security reasons - I too would prefer to be off of a dating (surveillance ) site because of the privacy issues...much private chit chat- fiction or not goes on and right into everyone one in the world that you would prefer not to have your information- and we voluntarily give it to them...they then steal it.

no matter, they have it and for no good reasons... and, as aside, I would much prefer to talk on the voip phone or cam skype than try to convey nuances by text..-

seems there are a lot of seniors that could use the social contact- politics religion family issues aside..but where? same neighborhood, town, county, state !--church? maybe? churches need money? casinos maybe?  smoke , booze  and not very bright folks -senior centers? gossip etc..bars hahha worse.--so, meetup hook up site then phone for me then go from there make any sense to anyone or I am to george carlin?-

I am betting lots of comments ...none new or original or useful-  but thanks- good day for all- healthy warm fed and safe here...so alone has its perks..happy friday


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## dawnkitty (Jan 24, 2020)

has anyone ever gotten together from this forum?


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## ClassicRockr (Jan 24, 2020)

I was divorced for 21 years, before I met my wife. I absolutely hated being single, did meet a number of ladies, including one online, before my wife, but none had the interests that I had. Then, in March 2000, I placed a Personal Ad in a local magazine, telling the truth about my looks/age and what I liked. We met and the following March we were married. Here it is 2020 and getting ready to celebrate 19 years of marriage this coming March.


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## Rosemarie (Jan 24, 2020)

I used to spend a lot of time chatting to men on the internet. I didn't come across a single one I would like to meet. They all had 'issues' of some kind, and really wanted someone to listen to their tale of woe. Chat rooms are much cheaper than counsellors.


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## Victor (Jan 24, 2020)

After a lifetime of trying, I gave up for a myriad of reasons and now I enjoy giving others advice on
a forum for love and marriage.
 Now if I even say anything complimentary 
women assume I am flirting and retreat or go away.
Single Forever.


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## Rojo (Jan 24, 2020)

My husband and I met on a matchmaking site. Actually, I only put my profile up on a dare from a friend. LOL Hubs messaged me and then wouldn't go away no matter how much I tried to make him.  I would just encourage you to be careful. Always meet in a public place for awhile. Also, you can google the person if you have their full name and see if anything unsavory pops up.


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## gennie (Jan 24, 2020)

I'm so far past 50 that it's a vague memory but I remember TVs Mr. Monk's theme, "It's a jungle out there."   Very appropriate


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## kaemicha (Jan 24, 2020)

I used to belong to several dating sites and for the most part I really enjoyed them. Now, I just feel like I'm a bit too old to join but I'd still like to try but I don't know which sites are reputable. Most of the men I met, meaning messaged, were quite pleasant and good for companionship.


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## TheWordIsOne (Jan 24, 2020)

Ruthanne said:


> *I was chatting with a man at a dating site and I guess I took too long, in his opinion, to try to get to know him.  He quit chatting with me.  I find many of the guys who contact me want to go off the site right away.  The site warns not to do go off the site with the person too quickly.  *
> 
> *So, now I am chatting with 3 other guys there trying to get to know them and decide if I want to meet any of them.
> 
> ...



Greeting 
It is said that boys will be boys and middle are men too, but a gentleman is gentle with words and a lady is a virtue ♥


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## Marlene (Jan 25, 2020)

My experience with online dating sites is very limited, but was not pleasant.  One of my friends talked me into signing up for Match dot com a year or so ago since he met his sweetie on there, and because I haven't met any people (men or women) to pal around with since moving back home after living out of state for 30+ years.  I still have casual acquaintances and old H.S. mates, but most of them are married and pretty much have all of the friends they are interested in having at this point.  

Who knew it would be so difficult to meet people once you are retired??? Anyway, after much nagging from my friend, I signed up. What a disaster/joke/unpleasant experience it was for the whole month I stayed active. I was contacted quite a few times - by guys half my age wanting to "experience a good looking cougar" (sorry, fellas, I raised my boys and don't want that job again); by guys who lived across country who thought if I really loved them, I'd move to where they are (love them? I didn't even know them and, besides, I made it clear in my profile I was not looking for marriage or cohabitation). Some guys made crude and rude ****** comments. Others wanted personal information I'm not willing to share (finances, etc.). A few were actually very nice guys but with whom I had not one thing in common.  I actually went out with one guy one time. He was perfectly nice but he still had children at home (if I want to hang out with children, it will be my own and my grandkids), a long story about a wife who had committed suicide (TMI), and oh. . .we had nothing in common. After that experience, I signed off.


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## TheWordIsOne (Jan 25, 2020)

Marlene said:


> My experience with online dating sites is very limited, but was not pleasant.  One of my friends talked me into signing up for Match dot com a year or so ago since he met his sweetie on there, and because I haven't met any people (men or women) to pal around with since moving back home after living out of state for 30+ years.  I still have casual acquaintances and old H.S. mates, but most of them are married and pretty much have all of the friends they are interested in having at this point.
> 
> Who knew it would be so difficult to meet people once you are retired??? Anyway, after much nagging from my friend, I signed up. What a disaster/joke/unpleasant experience it was for the whole month I stayed active. I was contacted quite a few times - by guys half my age wanting to "experience a good looking cougar" (sorry, fellas, I raised my boys and don't want that job again); by guys who lived across country who thought if I really loved them, I'd move to where they are (love them? I didn't even know them and, besides, I made it clear in my profile I was not looking for marriage or cohabitation). Some guys made crude and rude ****** comments. Others wanted personal information I'm not willing to share (finances, etc.). A few were actually very nice guys but with whom I had not one thing in common.  I actually went out with one guy one time. He was perfectly nice but he still had children at home (if I want to hang out with children, it will be my own and my grandkids), a long story about a wife who had committed suicide (TMI), and oh. . .we had nothing in common. After that experience, I signed off.


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## TheWordIsOne (Jan 25, 2020)

Greeting   
in life as in our lives, the thing we did, or the things that we can't change,  along beautiful life passing away, but many more to come, only if we reflect within ourselves, I should bring back that was good in my life, but there is the obstacle of life, there are new challenges, look up see the world in open eyes, don't look back at pass, but bring back those things that were good to me, if something is missing only you know retirement is when you only give up, meet the new challenges of  retirement, be free, love all, so dating is not for me, but if I was interested,  it,s man I would want be with, but if you loved only one, then I say lookup 

Jer 33:3


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## kaemicha (Jan 25, 2020)

I've belonged to probably 5 different dating sites..not at the same time! But, I agree there are some real creeps out there but it only takes a minute to weed them out. I've said no to someone who didn't have good grammar. Bottom line, after being on these sites I dated about 4 men, all very nice. I met them at a restaurant, after telling my neighbors where I was going to be, and let my date know that.
I've met a lot of nice men on dating sites but no one that I really clicked with. I would do it again if they just would not ask my age.


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## bingo (Jan 25, 2020)

too much work


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## Ruthanne (Jan 25, 2020)

bingo said:


> too much work


Yep!


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## DaveA (Jan 25, 2020)

Marlene said:


> My experience with online dating sites is very limited, but was not pleasant.  One of my friends talked me into signing up for Match dot com a year or so ago since he met his sweetie on there, and because I haven't met any people (men or women) to pal around with since moving back home after living out of state for 30+ years.  I still have casual acquaintances and old H.S. mates, but most of them are married and pretty much have all of the friends they are interested in having at this point.
> 
> Who knew it would be so difficult to meet people once you are retired??? Anyway, after much nagging from my friend, I signed up. What a disaster/joke/unpleasant experience it was for the whole month I stayed active. I was contacted quite a few times - by guys half my age wanting to "experience a good looking cougar" (sorry, fellas, I raised my boys and don't want that job again); by guys who lived across country who thought if I really loved them, I'd move to where they are (love them? I didn't even know them and, besides, I made it clear in my profile I was not looking for marriage or cohabitation). Some guys made crude and rude ****** comments. Others wanted personal information I'm not willing to share (finances, etc.). A few were actually very nice guys but with whom I had not one thing in common.  I actually went out with one guy one time. He was perfectly nice but he still had children at home (if I want to hang out with children, it will be my own and my grandkids), a long story about a wife who had committed suicide (TMI), and oh. . .we had nothing in common. After that experience, I signed off.




Marlene, I don't have anything to add to his discussion but this remark of yours, regarding guys half your age, made me chuckle - -"(sorry, fellas, I raised my boys and don't want that job again)".
BTW, I met my wife on a blind date, both of us were teens at the time. This was back in 1953 and we're looking forward to our 64th wedding anniversary next month.


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## Marlene (Jan 25, 2020)

DaveA said:


> Marlene, I don't have anything to add to his discussion but this remark of yours, regarding guys half your age, made me chuckle - -"(sorry, fellas, I raised my boys and don't want that job again)".
> BTW, I met my wife on a blind date, both of us were teens at the time. This was back in 1953 and we're looking forward to our 64th wedding anniversary next month.


Wow.  Congratulations.  That is an amazing milestone


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## Catlady (Jan 25, 2020)

The trouble with dating after 50 is that both sides are carrying a lot of baggage.  When you're young you're a blank slate and also very naive.  After 50, if you're looking that means that you have had past relationships (widow, divorced, lots of failed relationships), you have kids from other relationships, you worry about golddiggers, and other hangups.  I quit looking when I was 59 after a disastrous  short term dating experience and decided I was too old and too much of a loner to want to have to share and compromise.


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## kaemicha (Jan 26, 2020)

bingo said:


> too much work


But could end up being so much fun!


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## bingo (Jan 26, 2020)

kaemicha said:


> But could end up being so much fun!


i still have my husband....took forever to do all that training....ha!


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## katlupe (Jan 26, 2020)

I have never used a dating site. Truthfully, when I left my husband, I did not want another one. So I was not looking. I am in a relationship with someone I went to kindergarten through 4th grade with and reconnected on Facebook. Just friends in the beginning. It grew from there.


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## kaemicha (Jan 26, 2020)

bingo said:


> i still have my husband....took forever to do all that training....ha!


Good for you! You kept at it and now he's in line. So proud!!!


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## Keesha (Jan 26, 2020)

katlupe said:


> I have never used a dating site. Truthfully, when I left my husband, I did not want another one. So I was not looking. I am in a relationship with someone I went to kindergarten through 4th grade with and reconnected on Facebook. Just friends in the beginning. It grew from there.


This is so adorable.


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## Ladybj (Jan 28, 2020)

kaemicha said:


> I used to belong to several dating sites and for the most part I really enjoyed them. Now, I just feel like I'm a bit too old to join but I'd still like to try but I don't know which sites are reputable. Most of the men I met, meaning messaged, were quite pleasant and good for companionship.


If I found myself Single.... I would be looking for companionship.  Never know what the future holds but I don't think I will marry again.


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## MarciKS (Mar 3, 2020)

Butterfly said:


> I don't need all that drama in my life.  I have no desire to cater to, cook for or clean up after anyone other than myself ever again.  Period.


Me either. 
~Ruthanne: you asked about dating. I'm 54. Been married and divorced twice. None of my relationships prior to or after have ever worked out. Me and men just don't get along. Most of them just want maids with benefits. I no longer give the milk away for free, the cow is not for sale, the barn is closed. LOL! Seriously, I'm so much better off without a man. Isn't there any singles where you live that you can meet in person? I would be wary of the dating site men. Most have ulterior motives. After the story they did yrs ago about the gals that went on this dating site and got killed by the man and put in a storage locker inside 55 gal drums...I never went near a dating site again. I only had one date off this one and it was a bomb. I'm more interested in living my life than dealing with the headache of a relationship. I'm finally free to be me and I love it. I get it if you're lonesome. But, I would think there would be a safer way to meet men.


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## Aunt Bea (Mar 3, 2020)

I suppose it's worth a try!


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## Gaer (Mar 3, 2020)

Butterfly said:


> I don't need all that drama in my life.  I have no desire to cater to, cook for or clean up after anyone other than myself ever again.  Period.


This is EXACTLY how I feel!  On the fence for awhile but now am firmly committed to being alone! I intend to stay that way!


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## Floridatennisplayer (Mar 3, 2020)

Senior Bachelor will be on ABC soon. I can’t wait to watch this train derailment!  Oh my, talk about so many different facets for issues.  Both sides adult children, grandkids, homes.  

If something ever happened to my wife I would have zero desire.  

Is saddens me when I see people so insecure and desperate to find someone immediately after a divorce or death.  Gee, relax, get to know yourself, enjoy some time alone.


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## terry123 (Mar 3, 2020)

I am fine alone. It would be nice to have someone to pal around with though.  But no drama stuff as others have said.


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## old medic (Mar 4, 2020)

Ruthanne said:


> Is anyone else dating or trying to date at this age?



I tried a few years ago... But the Wife got upset....
Shes calmed down some and most of the bruises are gone...


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## Gaer (Mar 4, 2020)

Ruthanne:  Someone said you were only 60?  Good grief!  If you're that young, I say go for it too!  There is no way I could ever go through the pain of losing my love through death again, and I'm pretty old, but 60 is  . . You're just a baby!  At that age, you should have a big,hunky man in your life!  
This is a really interesting thread you've started!  Some really interesting opinions!


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## Ladybj (Mar 4, 2020)

Olivia said:


> Ruth, don't get discouraged by some of these women here who have given up. I can tell you that not only is there  love after 50, but also after seventy. Of course those here who have given responses of some sort tells me that their marriages weren't so great or are not that sweet anymore. Or maybe they just don't care for sex anymore.
> 
> C'est la vie. Go by what you want and not what old women tell you. From what I recall, you are not even 60 or a little past i t. I just had to say this because of all the other negativity posted in this thread.
> 
> Ruth, go for it!


I feel the same way.  We have to go through a few frogs before we find a Prince...lol.  I understand at our age putting in the work can be a bit discouraging and tiresome but may be well worth it.  It's all in what we want and the steps we take to get it.  At my age, God forbid anything happen to my hubby... I would put in the work to find a companion.  I know the type of man I want and don't want.  I would ask him questions to find out what he is looking for in a relatiionship.  Getting too old for guessing games.. lets be upfront.  I do not fore see being alone if anything happen to my hubby... To each is own.


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## Ladybj (Mar 4, 2020)

jujube said:


> When I started dating again, it was a series of adventures ranging from annoying to disastrous, but I persevered and eventually as I was about to give up, I met someone.  We've been together for 10 years now.


Have to kiss several frogs before finding that special one...SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!


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## Pecos (Mar 4, 2020)

I have known two men whose dying wives virtually directed them to marry a woman that they picked out for them. In both cases, the women were long time friends and they knew them very well and in both cases they were good matches. I still cannot wrap my head around this, but it is hard to argue with success. In both cases the husband's remarried within a year just like they were instructed.
I don't know if the wives felt that their husbands could not function without a woman, or if they felt that their friend needed the economic security that their husbands could provide, … or both.
I have never heard of a dying man doing this, but I suppose it happens as well.
Is this romantic or just weird?


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## Pecos (Mar 4, 2020)

I forgot to add that in both cases, these wives got their husbands and their friends in the same room when they made this announcement. One of the wives made them promise to do it right on the spot.
Romantic or weird?


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## boliverchadsworth (Mar 4, 2020)

The stats are, as I understand it..date 26 folks, 2 you like and they don't like you --2 like you and you cant stand them. one will like you and you will like him/her --that is from dating age tho, most of us are far too cranky picky etc etc for those to be good odds for us--I am afraid after two maybe three I would start hugging myself.  happy march    hoooORAY


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## boliverchadsworth (Mar 4, 2020)

Pecos said:


> I have known two men whose dying wives virtually directed them to marry a woman that they picked out for them. In both cases, the women were long time friends and they knew them very well and in both cases they were good matches. I still cannot wrap my head around this, but it is hard to argue with success. In both cases the husband's remarried within a year just like they were instructed.
> I don't know if the wives felt that their husbands could not function without a woman, or if they felt that their friend needed the economic security that their husbands could provide, … or both.
> I have never heard of a dying man doing this, but I suppose it happens as well.
> Is this romantic or just weird?


CREEPY


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## Gaer (Mar 4, 2020)

Pecos said:


> I forgot to add that in both cases, these wives got their husbands and their friends in the same room when they made this announcement. One of the wives made them promise to do it right on the spot.
> Romantic or weird?


I agree with Chadsworth:  Completely creepy!


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## Pinky (Mar 5, 2020)

@Pecos - Were these men happy in the marriages their late wives chose for them?


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## Pecos (Mar 5, 2020)

Pinky said:


> @Pecos - Were these men happy in the marriages their late wives chose for them?


Yes they were. In many ways it was a very thoughtful thing to do and these women understood their husbands very well.


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## Pinky (Mar 5, 2020)

When I was much younger, I had a close girlfriend who was single. I always thought she and my husband would be a good match if anything should happen to me. She met someone who she is still married to. We're still in touch, and I still hold her in the highest regard.


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## Ruthanne (Mar 5, 2020)

Gaer said:


> Ruthanne:  Someone said you were only 60?  Good grief!  If you're that young, I say go for it too!  There is no way I could ever go through the pain of losing my love through death again, and I'm pretty old, but 60 is  . . You're just a baby!  At that age, you should have a big,hunky man in your life!
> This is a really interesting thread you've started!  Some really interesting opinions!


@Gaer I'll be 63 this year.  I am widowed too.  I don't want that hurt again either.  I've looked for a new man but it's very hard with not getting out much.  I'm just too tired at this point to keep looking.


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## Pecos (Mar 6, 2020)

Pinky said:


> When I was much younger, I had a close girlfriend who was single. I always thought she and my husband would be a good match if anything should happen to me. She met someone who she is still married to. We're still in touch, and I still hold her in the highest regard.


If I were ever (God forbid) to find myself in this situation, I would put a lot of faith in my wife's opinion.


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## Gaer (Mar 6, 2020)

Mid 70's is a strange age.  Kinda BETWEEN!  On one hand, you want the feel of a man next to you, you want closeness and conversation, laughter and love with a man.  You feel young, healthy and you're not ready to give up LIFE!  On the other hand, you're independent and don't want or need another LIABILITY in your world.  You're a loner and you LIKE that label.  You keep reminding yourself of your age, and at this age you're not supposed to have these desires.  You're SUPPOSED to be preparing for "old age".
You can't go through another death.  You don't think you could ever live alone, but here you are and you're aceing it!   I could never go back to "dating hell", nor would I ever want that.  I love this thread.  It's really making me do some soul searching.


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## Pinky (Mar 6, 2020)

I think we're ****** beings until we die. I still feel youthful at 72. Being widowed is not something I've experienced, so, I can't begin to know how I would feel about having a new relationship after losing a husband. 

Remarried in my early 50's. Once divorced, it felt very freeing - eventually.


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## Lc jones (Mar 8, 2020)

Pecos said:


> I have known two men whose dying wives virtually directed them to marry a woman that they picked out for them. In both cases, the women were long time friends and they knew them very well and in both cases they were good matches. I still cannot wrap my head around this, but it is hard to argue with success. In both cases the husband's remarried within a year just like they were instructed.
> I don't know if the wives felt that their husbands could not function without a woman, or if they felt that their friend needed the economic security that their husbands could provide, … or both.
> I have never heard of a dying man doing this, but I suppose it happens as well.
> Is this romantic or just weird?


I think it’s tremendously unselfish and a very loving thing to do.


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## mathjak107 (Mar 8, 2020)

My mom made it easy for the women in my life ...she wrote a manual I just give them ..THE PROPER CARE AND FEEDING OF MATHJAK


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## C'est Moi (Mar 8, 2020)

+


Pecos said:


> I have known two men whose dying wives virtually directed them to marry a woman that they picked out for them. In both cases, the women were long time friends and they knew them very well and in both cases they were good matches. I still cannot wrap my head around this, but it is hard to argue with success. In both cases the husband's remarried within a year just like they were instructed.
> I don't know if the wives felt that their husbands could not function without a woman, or if they felt that their friend needed the economic security that their husbands could provide, … or both.
> I have never heard of a dying man doing this, but I suppose it happens as well.
> Is this romantic or just weird?


It's extremely CREEPY and controlling.   Trying to manage things from beyond the grave is weird.  If I "instructed" my husband who to marry when I die, I'd get the biggest eye-roll in history.  I think he's grown up enough to fall in love and be happy without my guiding hand.  Good grief.


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## Gaer (Mar 9, 2020)

oops!


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## Gaer (Mar 9, 2020)

Pinky said:


> I think we're ****** beings until we die. I still feel youthful at 72. Being widowed is not something I've experienced, so, I can't begin to know how I would feel about having a new relationship after losing a husband.
> 
> Remarried in my early 50's. Once divorced, it felt very freeing - eventually.


Pinky, Maybe WE'RE ****** beings but men in out age bracket have pretty much said goodbye to all that.  I have friends that date younger men, but I don't care to be around younger men.  ( I've raised my kids)  It's hard, ya know?  I guess I miss LOVE.  Can't ever go through losing my man again though.


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## AprilSun (Mar 10, 2020)

Gaer said:


> I don't care to be around younger men.  ( I've raised my kids)  It's hard, ya know?  I guess I miss LOVE.  Can't ever go through losing my man again though.



This is exactly how I feel. I've raised my kids also and that is enough for me. Losing my husband once was bad enough and I don't want to experience that ever again.


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## Ronni (Mar 10, 2020)

Gaer said:


> *Pinky, Maybe WE'RE ****** beings but men in out age bracket have pretty much said goodbye to all that.*  I have friends that date younger men, but I don't care to be around younger men.  ( I've raised my kids)  It's hard, ya know?  I guess I miss LOVE.  Can't ever go through losing my man again though.



Clearly you haven't met Ron


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## Ken N Tx (Mar 10, 2020)

Gaer said:


> Maybe WE'RE ****** beings but men in out age bracket have pretty much said goodbye to all that.


----------



## kaemicha (Mar 12, 2020)

Victor said:


> After a lifetime of trying, I gave up for a myriad of reasons and now I enjoy giving others advice on
> a forum for love and marriage.
> Now if I even say anything complimentary
> women assume I am flirting and retreat or go away.
> Single Forever.


I KNOW when I'm being flirted with and when I flirt it's also very recognizable. I'm good at it but you're happy being single and I think that is great! Just don't think all women are after you. Just be friends if that doesn't inhibit your lifestyle.


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## Uptosnuff (Mar 12, 2020)

Pecos said:


> I have known two men whose dying wives virtually directed them to marry a woman that they picked out for them. In both cases, the women were long time friends and they knew them very well and in both cases they were good matches. I still cannot wrap my head around this, but it is hard to argue with success. In both cases the husband's remarried within a year just like they were instructed.
> I don't know if the wives felt that their husbands could not function without a woman, or if they felt that their friend needed the economic security that their husbands could provide, … or both.
> I have never heard of a dying man doing this, but I suppose it happens as well.
> Is this romantic or just weird?



I think this may be more common than one would think.  My daughter's in-laws went through this very thing.  Her mother-in-law was dying and told her husband to marry their long-time friend of the family.  He did, not very long after she died.  I was invited to their house for a holiday and went.  The new wife seemed very nice but if I was my son-in-law, it would have been very hard to accept.


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## bearcat (Mar 18, 2020)

Ruthanne said:


> *I was chatting with a man at a dating site and I guess I took too long, in his opinion, to try to get to know him.  He quit chatting with me.  I find many of the guys who contact me want to go off the site right away.  The site warns not to do go off the site with the person too quickly.  *
> 
> *So, now I am chatting with 3 other guys there trying to get to know them and decide if I want to meet any of them.
> 
> ...



You could try this:  Whenever you begin a new conversation, begin with a standard message.  It says "As you know, dating sites are infested with scammers.  I in no way am accusing you or anyone else, I'm simply cautious.  In the past, I've been pressured to communicate "off site", and I hope you'll understand that I'm not comfortable doing that right away."

If at all possible, meet someone for the first time in a group setting, with a couple persons you already know.
Can be as simple as a lunch date or expedition to go somewhere.
Yes, you want to know about one-on-one chemistry, but you also want to view them in context.

Females, especially older ones, are heavily targeted by scammers.


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## hellomimi (Apr 16, 2020)

Victor said:


> A common misperception is that men merely want sex, or later on, someone to keep house
> for them or "a nurse with a purse". Well,  plenty of guys, including me, do NOT
> want that.  We are not all out to take advantage of you. In fact, I am concerned
> that they would take advantage of me.
> ...


@Victor, it's good to know there are still "old school" gentlemen like you. I don't go to dating sites and prefer to meet people in person. I like good conversations but not about politics or religion. Online dating is definitely not for me but if it works for others, good for them.


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## Marlene (Apr 16, 2020)

Uptosnuff said:


> I think this may be more common than one would think.  My daughter's in-laws went through this very thing.  Her mother-in-law was dying and told her husband to marry their long-time friend of the family.  He did, not very long after she died.  I was invited to their house for a holiday and went.  The new wife seemed very nice but if I was my son-in-law, it would have been very hard to accept.


Just the thought of that feels very creepy, smarmy. . .something quite distasteful to me.  No thank you.  I'll pick my own or decide to stay on my own, but to have someone tell me who to marry or even that I had to marry. . .UGH.  Creepy.


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## El Wapo (May 7, 2020)

RadishRose said:


> No way.  I've heard so much about these men on dating sites. They just want someone to go to bed with. That's all.


Sone of us are just looking for companionship


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## In The Sticks (May 7, 2020)

There are always those local groups and universities who offer coursework and craft-oriented classes to those our age.  It seems that there would not be any pressure there.

You can potentially meet someone that way, or at least just get out, be around people, and get the social needs met.


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## Lakeland living (May 7, 2020)

Never mind not worth it.


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## EllisT (May 7, 2020)

aT 71, I am glad to be past all this....I  am alone with my dog and my truck. I just miss the diner for morning breakfast.


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## MarciKS (May 7, 2020)

It is difficult to date when you get older if your past experiences haven't been that great.


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## In The Sticks (May 7, 2020)

Victor said:


> A common misperception is that men merely want sex, or later on, someone to keep house
> for them or "a nurse with a purse". Well,  plenty of guys, including me, do NOT
> want that.  We are not all out to take advantage of you. In fact, I am concerned
> that they would take advantage of me.
> ...


I agree with this.

I've thought of finding someone(s) to have a casual friendship with, just to do stuff every once in a while...nothing more.  I've done tons of stuff on my own throughout my life (I don't mind eating out or going to events on my own), but it's usually more fun with someone else.  My problem is I don't trust the motives of others, and I don't want a mess.  Some number of men and women are users...it just manifests itself in different ways.  Then there are those who are stuck in matchmaker mode and think that every single male is a target for their unattached friends (I wonder if women experience this to any degree) which makes me less inclined to even take one step in this direction.

Except for a few fleeting relationships here and there and an 18 month-long marriage almost 40 years ago, I've always been on my own.  I've never even had a roommate.  At 65, I can't see any reason to rock this boat.

There's always danger in comparing the reality we know to the fantasy of "what if."


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## In The Sticks (May 7, 2020)

EllisT said:


> aT 71, I am glad to be past all this....I  am alone with my dog and my truck. I just miss the diner for morning breakfast.


I recently got invited to a group of men my age that call themselves the "ROMEO" group: 

*R*eally
*O*ld
*M*en
*E*ating
*O*ut

We meet for breakfast once a month at the local IHOP.  I had my first breakfast with them in March, then The Virus hit.  I'd do it more often than that if they were so inclined.

So you hit your diner regularly?  There's a small mom & pop pizza/subs place in town I hang out at that I miss ("Mom" only speaks Italian.)


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## In The Sticks (May 7, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> It is difficult to date when you get older if your past experiences haven't been that great.


It is difficult to date at any age if your past experiences haven't been that great.


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## In The Sticks (May 7, 2020)

Lakeland living said:


> Never mind not worth it.


Are you talking about dating or your thoughts on dating 

'cause I almost deleted what I had written and left a similar note.


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## Gaer (May 7, 2020)

In The Sticks said:


> I recently got invited to a group of men my age that call themselves the "ROMEO" group:
> 
> *R*eally
> *O*ld
> ...


I don't know.  I lunched with some women my age and found them OLD!  They were OLD!  complaining,critical,gossipy.  I like MEN!  REAL MEN!  but they are hard to find too!  REAL men, I mean!


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## Aunt Marg (May 7, 2020)

Gaer said:


> I don't know.  I lunched with some women my age and found them OLD!  They were OLD!  complaining,critical,gossipy.  I like MEN!  REAL MEN!  but they are hard to find too!  REAL men, I mean!


What is your definition of a REAL MAN?


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## MarciKS (May 7, 2020)

Real men?


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## RadishRose (May 7, 2020)

You're old, too.


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## Gaer (May 7, 2020)

Oh, You would ask me that!  Stands behind his word, his own value system, his own moral code, a man's man, doesn't follow the herd, intelligent, won't take any crap, rugged spirit, stands tall and unafraid, outdoor, likes the wild, comfident, stands alone, a blend of strength and tenderness, adventurous spirit, makes his own path and walks it.  

Radish Rose: Age is not chronological to me.  It's a culture of the spirit!  it's what you feel inside!  it's an aliveness!


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## El Wapo (May 8, 2020)

Catlady said:


> I think online dating sites is one of the best inventions after the wheel, it could let you find that perfect needle in the haystack.  If it works!
> 
> It would work perfectly if the posters did not post old photos, lied about what they are like, and lie about what they're looking for.  I tried a few times and the last time, when I was 59, this guy said that he liked to hike and ''explore'' and had no problem in the sex department.  Exactly what I was looking for!  After I met him, all he wanted to do was drink coffee and talk and had no libido and was impotent and had no desire to hike or explore.  He was attractive physically and had a nice shape, tall and slim,  but had no teeth and refused to wear dentures, I had trouble understanding him.   He was too lazy to clean his small apartment or wash dishes and paid his daughter to do it for him.   After a few dates I ended it and gave up trying to find someone and have never dated again.  That guy was the ''straw that broke the camel's back'' as far as I was concerned.


I am sorry about that man. He hurts all of the men that would like to find a nice lady and just spend quality time with each other. I am a man that while I do enjoy mindfulness sex and its been a long time for me that I have had sex. However companion is the most important. Hugs kisses cuddling just talking is what I miss the most. If sex comes around I feel that we nmust have connected. Being in love is so important to me.


----------



## El Wapo (May 8, 2020)

kaemicha said:


> I am never going to stop dating. I like men. I like being around men. I'm a pretty good judge of character and if I feel as if I can trust someone I'll most definitely spend time with them. Just because I'm aging doesn't mean that I am done with men. Never!


Thank you!


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## In The Sticks (May 8, 2020)

El Wapo said:


> I am sorry about that man. He hurts all of the men that would like to find a nice lady and just spend quality time with each other. I am a man that while I do enjoy mindfulness sex and its been a long time for me that I have had sex. However companion is the most important. Hugs kisses cuddling just talking is what I miss the most. If sex comes around I feel that we nmust have connected. Being in love is so important to me.


I'll second that.  I must have a context; otherwise, what's the point?

"Intimacy with strangers" is a contradiction in terms.


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## Yo-Yo (May 8, 2020)

I have never been married, but I have dated many men over the years and several after the age of 50. I have never used a dating site, but don't think anything wrong with them. I am the type who also likes to take time in getting to know the men I meet before really jumping into something. I like a lot of conversation on the phone or nowadays texting before a date would be set up. The initial meeting for me usually happens when I would go out for drinks with my lady friends and a gentlemen would approach me. We would have small talk and eventually exchange numbers if things lead to that.


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## hellomimi (May 9, 2020)

Gaer said:


> Oh, You would ask me that!  Stands behind his word, his own value system, his own moral code, a man's man, doesn't follow the herd, intelligent, won't take any crap, rugged spirit, stands tall and unafraid, outdoor, likes the wild, comfident, stands alone, a blend of strength and tenderness, adventurous spirit, makes his own path and walks it.
> 
> Radish Rose: Age is not chronological to me.  It's a culture of the spirit!  it's what you feel inside!  it's an aliveness!


Your idea of a real man is one that's rare, if non existent, these days. There will be some who will *think* they fit your description...but their perception does not match reality. 

It's challenging, although not entirely impossible, to find people who focus on "inner beauty" rather than just physical beauty. 

Some people, especially seniors,  would say they are just looking for companionship so they'll appear harmless but that is far from the truth. Both men and women should exercise good judgment dealing with them; words are cheap.


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## hellomimi (May 9, 2020)

El Wapo said:


> I am sorry about that man. He hurts all of the men that would like to find a nice lady and just spend quality time with each other. I am a man that while I do enjoy mindfulness sex and its been a long time for me that I have had sex. However companion is the most important. Hugs kisses cuddling just talking is what I miss the most. If sex comes around I feel that we nmust have connected. Being in love is so important to me.


Mindfulness sex is what it should be, but sad to say,  many people might not even be aware of this concept. This is not just physical connection, but more of connecting of souls. Far from "just getting laid."


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## MarciKS (May 9, 2020)

I've tried going the companionship route but, usually once they find out that sex is off the table that's it. They B gone.


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## CinnamonSugar (May 9, 2020)

Not only do you have to be careful with people, the online dating sites can have an unscrupulous/unethical side too.  I was off one dating site for several months when suddenly I started getting emails like "Joe looked at your profile!"  or "Jim messaged you."  Long story short, this dating site had taken elements from my previous profile, added things of their own making, and posted it as "me."  And there was no way I could take it down.


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## Patros (Jun 8, 2020)

Personally I couldn’t be bothered. Really happy just having a few good friends of my own gender. A close relative went on a dating site after he was widowed. Well he was a sitting duck as he had a nice home and was quite well off. He met a lady and within two months she’d moved in. We all made her welcome as he seemed happy but it was only a matter of time before she managed to turn him against us. His family were superfluous to her needs. Well hopefully his money will last the distance what with all the luxury travel, European river cruises etc. Anyway my point is, just be careful who you meet and what their motives are.


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## hellomimi (Jun 8, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> I've tried going the companionship route but, usually once they find out that sex is off the table that's it. They B gone.


Have you considered men with ED, they will probably be interested since they're not expected to perform? It's not rare to find someone with ED, although they'd keep it a secret.

I remember a discussion I had with mom when she was complaining about my stepdad who was sexually pre-occupied in his early 70s. I told her that it was part of what she signed up for.  At least he still found her very desirable then. I volunteered to buy her an instructional video for their enjoyment. She was red as a beet, never thought I'd give such advice. ☺


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## MarciKS (Jun 8, 2020)

While I appreciate the sentiment Mimi, it isn't so much the ****** part of the relationship. I'm just not interested in the relationship itself. I just basically would like to have a buddy more or less that's male to go do crap with. I'm around whiney, b****y a** women all day at work. I find men to be easier to get along with as long as it's just friends. But right now I don't even want that.


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## MarciKS (Jun 8, 2020)

Patros said:


> Personally I couldn’t be bothered. Really happy just having a few good friends of my own gender. A close relative went on a dating site after he was widowed. Well he was a sitting duck as he had a nice home and was quite well off. He met a lady and within two months she’d moved in. We all made her welcome as he seemed happy but it was only a matter of time before she managed to turn him against us. His family were superfluous to her needs. Well hopefully his money will last the distance what with all the luxury travel, European river cruises etc. Anyway my point is, just be careful who you meet and what their motives are.


I got an older cousin that's got $$ and he keeps getting these crazy broads and getting them expensive diamond rings and $800,000 houses and then they dump him. I told mom to tell him next time he called I needed a new car. LOL!


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## hellomimi (Jun 8, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> While I appreciate the sentiment Mimi, it isn't so much the ****** part of the relationship. I'm just not interested in the relationship itself. I just basically would like to have a buddy more or less that's male to go do crap with. I'm around whiney, b****y a** women all day at work. I find men to be easier to get along with as long as it's just friends. But right now I don't even want that.


I hear ya, the senior women I work with are the same. 

I hope you meet that kind of guy to be your bestfriend. But if you don't even want that now, chances are he won't come to your life. As long as you're happy to be alone for the rest of your life, that's all that matters.

PS: Wasn't @Victor looking for female friends to chat with? You might find a friend in each other?  j/k


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## Victor (Jun 10, 2020)

Thanks for thinking of me.


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## boliverchadsworth (Jun 12, 2020)

old story my addition certainly would not be new or..been this way for many generations.....just new to some of us...


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## hellomimi (Jun 12, 2020)

boliverchadsworth said:


> old story my addition certainly would not be new or..been this way for many generations.....just new to some of us...


Old/new stories are interesting, care to share yours?


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## ronk (Aug 6, 2020)

I tried a few online relationships in my younger years. They really didn't work out. Then I reconnected to my high school sweetie, after 33 years. I got married at age 49. I was pretty lost when the marriage ended after 5 years. I tried online dating again. The online service kept telling me women were interested in me, so I reached out. They said they weren't interested in dating at all! The web site steered me wrong! I gave up. I am currently resolved to seek companionship where I live. There are plenty of wonderful and sociable women in my building. I'd rather make a friend right now, and let the friendship grow. I'd rather have a good woman friend than rush into something that might turn out bad.


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## MFP (Oct 18, 2020)

Ruthanne said:


> *I was chatting with a man at a dating site and I guess I took too long, in his opinion, to try to get to know him.  He quit chatting with me.  I find many of the guys who contact me want to go off the site right away.  The site warns not to do go off the site with the person too quickly.  *
> 
> *So, now I am chatting with 3 other guys there trying to get to know them and decide if I want to meet any of them.
> 
> ...


No. I'm not really interested in dating. I tried a few times but, I've found I enjoy my own company.


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## RadishRose (Oct 18, 2020)

Victor said:


> Ladies want someone to take them to dinner, be a
> gentleman and ask for nothing in return, except conversation


So, what is it you expect in return for a dinner, @Victor if not conversation?


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## CeeCee (Oct 19, 2020)

I’m not interested in dating anymore.  When I lived alone in Fresno I did think it would be nice to have a male friend that could help me with things around the house that I couldn’t do.

Now that I’m living at my daughter‘s house I don’t have those issues but I sure would like to find a female friend to do things like an occasional lunch or movie, etc.  but with covid, that’s not even possible.

I wonder if there is a local senior friendship site like the ones for dating?

I do plan on joining the senior center here when it’s finally open...Monterey County is still in purple tier.

I miss my Fresno friends


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## macgeek (Oct 19, 2020)

dating feels more like a job interview these days.


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## Packerjohn (Oct 23, 2020)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> Pfffft. Dating schmating. I thought about it about a year after my DH died, got on a couple of sites, and changed my mind in a real big hurry. My biggest objection? Their profiles indicated that they were needy and desperate...mostly for either a nurse with a purse or for somebody to wash and iron and cook and clean and polish everything to a high sheen. Thanks, but no! I've learned to live alone and really don't want to spend a lot of time with all that getting-to-know-you stuff, not to mention that ALL of them went on and on about how much time they spend with their grandchildren and adult children. Want my company? When do you think you'll have the time?


You sound pretty bitter.  I have been reading a lot of books on this subject.  I think you need some "me" time; away from men.  The trouble with Internet dating is that you will come across a lot of weird-o, jerks, crooks, etc. before you come across a quality man.  Trust me, there are quality men out there but it takes time & patience.  The jerks & con artists lie; the quality people do not.  There are many good books on this topic & there are many good websites for advice.  One parting advice is this:  There are more jerks on the free sites.  The more honest people actually pay money to get on a site (eg: e-harmony).  I think you need some quality time out.  I wish you good luck in the future.


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## Packerjohn (Oct 23, 2020)

Catlady said:


> I think online dating sites is one of the best inventions after the wheel, it could let you find that perfect needle in the haystack.  If it works!
> 
> It would work perfectly if the posters did not post old photos, lied about what they are like, and lie about what they're looking for.  I tried a few times and the last time, when I was 59, this guy said that he liked to hike and ''explore'' and had no problem in the sex department.  Exactly what I was looking for!  After I met him, all he wanted to do was drink coffee and talk and had no libido and was impotent and had no desire to hike or explore.  He was attractive physically and had a nice shape, tall and slim,  but had no teeth and refused to wear dentures, I had trouble understanding him.   He was too lazy to clean his small apartment or wash dishes and paid his daughter to do it for him.   After a few dates I ended it and gave up trying to find someone and have never dated again.  That guy was the ''straw that broke the camel's back'' as far as I was concerned.


WOW!  Sounds like you found a real loser!  I could never understand this lying business.  Once you really meet someone all your lies will come out.  I really believe in Internet dating.  This is how I met my wonderful wife.  We had a magical relationship for 17 years until she died last month.  We were like 2 peas in the pod.  Sure there are con-artists out there but there are also decent people.  I can't believe I'm the only decent guy on this planet.  LOL


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## Packerjohn (Oct 23, 2020)

kaemicha said:


> I used to belong to several dating sites and for the most part I really enjoyed them. Now, I just feel like I'm a bit too old to join but I'd still like to try but I don't know which sites are reputable. Most of the men I met, meaning messaged, were quite pleasant and good for companionship.


The general advice is that the free sites have a lot more con-artists, jerks, weirdos & all around losers.  The ones you pay for are suppose to have a greater amount of more serious people.  Basically, it's tread slowly & "buyer beware!"  Good luck!


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## Packerjohn (Oct 23, 2020)

Catlady said:


> The trouble with dating after 50 is that both sides are carrying a lot of baggage.  When you're young you're a blank slate and also very naive.  After 50, if you're looking that means that you have had past relationships (widow, divorced, lots of failed relationships), you have kids from other relationships, you worry about golddiggers, and other hangups.  I quit looking when I was 59 after a disastrous  short term dating experience and decided I was too old and too much of a loner to want to have to share and compromise.


You are never, never too old for love.  This is a fact.  You only think you are too old.  The need to love/be loved never stops.  Sorry to hear about your negative experiences.


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## Packerjohn (Oct 23, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> Me either.
> ~Ruthanne: you asked about dating. I'm 54. Been married and divorced twice. None of my relationships prior to or after have ever worked out. Me and men just don't get along. Most of them just want maids with benefits. I no longer give the milk away for free, the cow is not for sale, the barn is closed. LOL! Seriously, I'm so much better off without a man. Isn't there any singles where you live that you can meet in person? I would be wary of the dating site men. Most have ulterior motives. After the story they did yrs ago about the gals that went on this dating site and got killed by the man and put in a storage locker inside 55 gal drums...I never went near a dating site again. I only had one date off this one and it was a bomb. I'm more interested in living my life than dealing with the headache of a relationship. I'm finally free to be me and I love it. I get it if you're lonesome. But, I would think there would be a safer way to meet men.


Wow!  You are giving us the "all men are rotten" story.  If I follow your reasoning, I would say no one should go to Florida because someone got shot there.  No one should go to Mexico because of the drug cartel.  Millions spend winter in Florida & Mexico & they have a wonderful time.  Many go back every winter. They don't end up in barrels.  Don't judge all men based on creeps you find on websites.  There is a lot of good books & websites that tell you how to spot these jerks ASAP.  By the way, there are good quality men out there.  The trick, of course, is weeding them out of the huge posse of jerks, con-artists, crazies, gold diggers, woman abusers & just plain no good-for-nothing.  Good luck!


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## MFP (Oct 23, 2020)

A friend of mine is paying $ for Match.com and this is the guy they matched her with. His handle is Muffdiver. I don't think paying is any help.


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## Ruthanne (Oct 24, 2020)

Packerjohn said:


> Wow!  You are giving us the "all men are rotten" story.  If I follow your reasoning, I would say no one should go to Florida because someone got shot there.  No one should go to Mexico because of the drug cartel.  Millions spend winter in Florida & Mexico & they have a wonderful time.  Many go back every winter. They don't end up in barrels.  Don't judge all men based on creeps you find on websites.  There is a lot of good books & websites that tell you how to spot these jerks ASAP.  By the way, there are good quality men out there.  The trick, of course, is weeding them out of the huge posse of jerks, con-artists, crazies, gold diggers, woman abusers & just plain no good-for-nothing.  Good luck!


I don't think all men are rotten but tend to think most of the good ones are taken.  Maybe that's a mistake to think that.  I've run into all of what you listed in that posse and for now have given up.  At least I'm no longer looking for any man online.  I saw something on tv that made sense to me about online dating the other day.  You really can't tell chemistry either online.  

Finding a man hasn't been my top priority for a good number of years now.  I think if I do meet someone it will not be online.


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## MickaC (Oct 24, 2020)

Packerjohn said:


> WOW!  Sounds like you found a real loser!  I could never understand this lying business.  Once you really meet someone all your lies will come out.  I really believe in Internet dating.  This is how I met my wonderful wife.  We had a magical relationship for 17 years until she died last month.  We were like 2 peas in the pod.  Sure there are con-artists out there but there are also decent people.  I can't believe I'm the only decent guy on this planet.  LOL


So sorry you lost your true LOVE........Life is just not fair.........


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## Packerjohn (Oct 25, 2020)

MFP said:


> A friend of mine is paying $ for Match.com and this is the guy they matched her with. His handle is Muffdiver. I don't think paying is any help.
> View attachment 129794


He, He!  I know a lady who went on line & she got disgusted at some of the photos.  She said she found one with some guy with a toothpick stuck in his mouth.  She also complained about all the guys with beards because she did not want guys with facial hair.  I don't know about that!  If you are a millennial, almost all of them look like bums to me.  Us older guys are usually cleaned face.  To be fair, there are probably a lot of "ugly" women on websites out there too.  You just have to keep moving & find out what appeals to you.  Yes, if I was a woman I too would be afraid of this guy but you know, not all men look like this.  THANK GOD!  By the way, the literature out there & the advice is that there are more chance of finding people who are more serious about finding a long lasting relationship on paid sites than on free sites.  However, there is no guarantee that all the guys on paid sites are "Mr. Wonderful" & they are tall, handsome, rich & good dancers.  Sometimes, you find guys like this one.  A guy that perhaps only his mother loves but then again maybe nobody loves him?  I don't know.  He doesn't seem to have a lot of "sex appeal"


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## katlupe (Oct 25, 2020)

I don't know about the dating sites, but meeting a man or woman online should really start out as becoming friends with no intention of dating. Just friends. Have someone to talk to. Get to know him or her. If you start to look forward to talking to them or get that feeling you want to meet them.........then you can start it in that direction. For me personally, looks does not matter if I really like the person. No, I was not always that way when I was younger, but you learn things as you get older. A sense of humor is what I discovered matters a lot to me. And respect for me. I could not have found a more perfect relationship if I had gone out looking for it. It just turned out that way.


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## Aunt Marg (Oct 25, 2020)

MFP said:


> A friend of mine is paying $ for Match.com and this is the guy they matched her with. His handle is Muffdiver. I don't think paying is any help.
> View attachment 129794


The name says it all.

Any woman with a right mind wouldn't waste her time with such.

Two words... _no class_.


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## MFP (Oct 25, 2020)

Aunt Marg said:


> The name says it all.
> 
> Any woman with a right mind wouldn't waste her time with such.
> 
> Two words... _no class_.


I just can't believe these guys actually think we would find this attractive.


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## Aunt Marg (Oct 25, 2020)

MFP said:


> I just can't believe these guys actually think we would find this attractive.


So true, MFP.

Do think many of them don't care, they're out for one thing and one thing only.

One thing is for sure, how people portray or express themselves externally, more often than not is the same reflection internally.


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## Packerjohn (Oct 26, 2020)

katlupe said:


> I don't know about the dating sites, but meeting a man or woman online should really start out as becoming friends with no intention of dating. Just friends. Have someone to talk to. Get to know him or her. If you start to look forward to talking to them or get that feeling you want to meet them.........then you can start it in that direction. For me personally, looks does not matter if I really like the person. No, I was not always that way when I was younger, but you learn things as you get older. A sense of humor is what I discovered matters a lot to me. And respect for me. I could not have found a more perfect relationship if I had gone out looking for it. It just turned out that way.


Very good advice.  I wish more people thought the way you do.  There would be less disappointments & heartaches.


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## katlupe (Oct 26, 2020)

Packerjohn said:


> Very good advice.  I wish more people thought the way you do.  There would be less disappointments & heartaches.


Thank you!


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## Ladybj (Oct 27, 2020)

Pecos said:


> I have known two men whose dying wives virtually directed them to marry a woman that they picked out for them. In both cases, the women were long time friends and they knew them very well and in both cases they were good matches. I still cannot wrap my head around this, but it is hard to argue with success. In both cases the husband's remarried within a year just like they were instructed.
> I don't know if the wives felt that their husbands could not function without a woman, or if they felt that their friend needed the economic security that their husbands could provide, … or both.
> I have never heard of a dying man doing this, but I suppose it happens as well.
> Is this romantic or just weird?


It's rare that it will work out.  Long story short, I have a older cousin Sue- she was friends with Mary and Dave they were married.  Sue had just married Gary - not even married a month.  Mary and Dave had 2 small children. Mary and Gary were killed in an auto accident.  Sue and Dave married - marriage did not last. I can see why.. they were all close friends.  Dave end up re-married.. broke my cousin heart. But they did have a daughter together which the daughter is grown with two adult young men.


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## Ladybj (Oct 27, 2020)

katlupe said:


> I don't know about the dating sites, but meeting a man or woman online should really start out as becoming friends with no intention of dating. Just friends. Have someone to talk to. Get to know him or her. If you start to look forward to talking to them or get that feeling you want to meet them.........then you can start it in that direction. For me personally, looks does not matter if I really like the person. No, I was not always that way when I was younger, but you learn things as you get older. A sense of humor is what I discovered matters a lot to me. And respect for me. I could not have found a more perfect relationship if I had gone out looking for it. It just turned out that way.


A sense of humor and respect are on the top of my list. Love your post - ON POINT!!!!


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## Ruthanne (Oct 28, 2020)

katlupe said:


> I don't know about the dating sites, but meeting a man or woman online should really start out as becoming friends with no intention of dating. Just friends. Have someone to talk to. Get to know him or her. If you start to look forward to talking to them or get that feeling you want to meet them.........then you can start it in that direction. For me personally, looks does not matter if I really like the person. No, I was not always that way when I was younger, but you learn things as you get older. A sense of humor is what I discovered matters a lot to me. And respect for me. I could not have found a more perfect relationship if I had gone out looking for it. It just turned out that way.


I chatted with a lot of men at the dating sites online and none of them wants to chat for more than a day before they want to date and then they don't want to date very long before they want to hop in the bed and I know this because they have told me that.

And I feel the same way as you do that a relationship should start off by by talking to one one another for quite some time to get to know each other but it doesn't work that way on online dating sites and that's why I've given up on them.  

I really don't care that much if I meet anyone or not anymore as I'm thoroughly disgusted with the experiences I had with the dating sites and I only had two dates in the whole time that I tried and I tried for quite a while.

If I ever do meet someone it won't be online that's for sure or at least I really don't think so.


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## katlupe (Oct 29, 2020)

Ruthanne said:


> If I ever do meet someone it won't be online that's for sure or at least I really don't think so.



It will be when you least expect it. Sometimes it is someone right under your nose.


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## Ruthanne (Oct 29, 2020)

katlupe said:


> It will be when you least expect it. Sometimes it is someone right under your nose.


Oh that would really surprise me and thanks for giving me some hope.


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## MickaC (Oct 31, 2020)

Haven't waisted much time on these so called "Dating Sites".......maybe more for amusement if anything.
These sites promise the world....stars.....sky to you....but only if you give them money.
The male clients' profile makes them out to be Mr. America.
I'm assuming the female clients are Miss America.
Both state they have every positive trait and personality.
DREAM WORLD.
@katlupe  You're thinking of wanting quality friendship to start is the best way to start.
But
As you said, the men want more instantly.....and some being very rude.....maybe on the female side, it's the same.
Does anyone have the good old fashioned values.


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## hellomimi (Nov 8, 2020)

I work for an organization that has lots of senior volunteers. It's  often busy at sites we offer covid19 testing. There's this guy who is a member of the board of directors of the most prestigious university in Socal. He's a widower, no kids. I usually take time to greet and small talk with everyone so that's how we met. I said that because of hundreds of them I meet on different sites, I can't remember anyone that stood out I take that back....there's one Italian guy, drop dead gorgeous that caught my attention and the kids all thought he liked me!
Back to the member of the board, last Friday was my last day at a site. He came up to me and said, "You are loved by everyone with your sweet feminine energy.....but you're very special to me." Gosh! I blushed (thank God for N95s)I  didn't know what to say. When a high value man tells me this, how can I not believe in myself?  He said he got my number and will keep in touch. We'll see...but if the Italian gets to me quicker....umm I have a problem Houston!


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## dasbill725 (Nov 8, 2020)

I tried Facebook dating briefly and met a promising young lady for friendship, well she was a couple of years older than me, met a few times for dinner and talking (great conversation!) walking the park. Then all of a sudden she drops off the radar for about a week. I called her. She didn't have to tell me but I'm glad she did that she just found out she had contracted herpes from a previous recent relationship. It does not change who she is on the inside but I did have to make a decision. I just retired early, had been faithful through a handful of unfortunate divorces, but will continue to look for the right one. In the meantime I'm not really going to look per se but just pray on it and do my own thing. I've never been possessive, have never did drugs or over-drank, or touched my mates in a harmful manner, yelled, lashed out in anger, etc. I made a good wage in IT. Not sure why they've become disenfranchised with our marriage but I loved the few with all my heart. Biding my time and living my own life for now. Dating. Geez.


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## dasbill725 (Nov 9, 2020)

dasbill725 said:


> I tried Facebook dating briefly and met a promising young lady for friendship, well she was a couple of years older than me, met a few times for dinner and talking (great conversation!) walking the park. Then all of a sudden she drops off the radar for about a week. I called her. She didn't have to tell me but I'm glad she did that she just found out she had contracted herpes from a previous recent relationship. It does not change who she is on the inside but I did have to make a decision. I just retired early, had been faithful through a handful of unfortunate divorces, but will continue to look for the right one. In the meantime I'm not really going to look per se but just pray on it and do my own thing. I've never been possessive, have never did drugs or over-drank, or touched my mates in a harmful manner, yelled, lashed out in anger, etc. I made a good wage in IT. Not sure why they've become disenfranchised with our marriage but I loved the few with all my heart. Biding my time and living my own life for now. Dating. Geez.


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## TabbyAnn (Nov 20, 2020)

RadishRose said:


> No way.  I've heard so much about these men on dating sites. They just want someone to go to bed with. That's all.


That has been my experience as well. It’s a universal problem and a scientific fact that men in general don’t have as many brain cells in the communication area of the brain as women. Men are looking for a physical connection and women are looking for a mental connection. So a connection requires a little compromise on both sides. But of course the other person has to be worthy of compromise and if they won’t communicate it’s hard to know if they are worthy or not.


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## MarkinPhx (Nov 20, 2020)

I have done very well with online dating. Netflix and Hulu are the perfect dates for me. I feel guilty though because I can't just pick one to spend my nights with.


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## Brookswood (Dec 27, 2020)

IMO, it's best called online meeting.  You don't date until you meet face to face.    

I do OK for a single guy. Nobody has ever confused me with Pierce Brosnan.


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## Kathleen’s Place (Dec 27, 2020)

I haven’t any personal experience with on line dating sites, but know others who have. No oneI know has met Mr Right on there, but they do so enjoy the chatting etc and I think more power to you!”  As long as you are careful, as I am sure you are, I think it would be kind of fun!  I know so many single men, 75+ ages, and not a one of them has any desire to get married, but would love to have someone to do things with...a female friend.  I don’t think any of the guys I know go on dating sites...or don’t admit that they do, which is to bad!  Keep looking, and I hope you find someone, because I KNOW they are out there!


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## Ruthanne (Dec 28, 2020)

MarkinPhx said:


> I have done very well with online dating. Netflix and Hulu are the perfect dates for me. I feel guilty though because I can't just pick one to spend my nights with.


I have some good times with Netflix, too, best dates I've ever had!


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## Ruthanne (Dec 28, 2020)

Kathleen’s Place said:


> I haven’t any personal experience with on line dating sites, but know others who have. No oneI know has met Mr Right on there, but they do so enjoy the chatting etc and I think more power to you!”  As long as you are careful, as I am sure you are, I think it would be kind of fun!  I know so many single men, 75+ ages, and not a one of them has any desire to get married, but would love to have someone to do things with...a female friend.  I don’t think any of the guys I know go on dating sites...or don’t admit that they do, which is to bad!  Keep looking, and I hope you find someone, because I KNOW they are out there!


Thank you but I no longer have the desire to look and especially not on dating sites.  I've had *no* good luck on them.  I also no longer have the energy (mental or physical) to go through the dating "ropes."  But thanks for replying to this thread.


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## BlissfullyUnawareCanadian (Dec 28, 2020)

I fear for my two young daughters. Tinder and other hook-up apps seem to have made hook-ups the norm. I’ve over heard young people (both women and men) talk about how they “hooked-up” with someone the night before and that was that. They meet, have sex and then continue on looking for others. I can see this being fun for a short while but I would think it would lead to a life of high expectations and furthermore, loneliness. These young people who I’ve heard talk like this base everything on looks, without knowing if that person is a good person or not. I know not all young people are like this, same for not all old folk are not like this. It just makes me sad to think my daughters are both going to start dating in the next 10 years and this is the environment they will be exposed to.


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## Brookswood (Dec 28, 2020)

I’ve found the beat way to meet women is to go about living life, and letting them come to me.  and I suppose, I go to them at the same time.  These COVID times that’s a problem, but normally it’s just getting out of the house and doing something fun.  Share a common interest, learn something about her, and see where it goes or doesn’t go.

You can’t control other people.


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## BertieJean (Jan 29, 2021)

I had mixed success on dating sites. I met a lot of people, but most were disappointing. Most seemed to be looking for shallow "hook up" meetings. I ended up meeting my husband in a mutual Facebook group. We started chatting there and things took off.


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## Kathleen’s Place (Jan 29, 2021)

I have heard of many older couples meeting on line. Like anything else in this world, there are dangers. But, if you are savvy of all of the schemes and careful...which is sounds like you definitely are...then wishing you so much good luck with this . There are so many good men out there, who are looking for what you are, and are just as nervous about being on a dating website.  You just have to find each other. Like Momma used to say, “You have to kiss a few frogs before you meet your Prince Charming!”
Keep us informed how it’s going


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## Kathleen’s Place (Jan 29, 2021)

Happyflowerlady said:


> I agree that a person needs to be careful with online dating (or any other kind, probably), and take time before you meet someone to get to know them well enough with writing, to think that you might enjoy being with them in person.
> I belonged to a Christian website, and met my husband there almost 17 years ago.  Neither one of us were really trying to find someone to marry, we just wanted someone to talk with and share our day to day lives with online emails.
> 
> He lived at one end of the country, and I lived on the other end, in North Idaho, (3 hour time difference)  so I had to get up really early to “visit” with Bobby on Yahoo chat in the mornings, and I worked until late and then had to feed the horses and milk the goat before I was back inside the house, so he had to stay up late at night to visit with me then.
> ...


I loved your story, Flower Lady   So glad you two found each other


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## MarciKS (Jan 29, 2021)

Kathleen’s Place said:


> I have heard of many older couples meeting on line. Like anything else in this world, there are dangers. But, if you are savvy of all of the schemes and careful...which is sounds like you definitely are...then wishing you so much good luck with this . There are so many good men out there, who are looking for what you are, and are just as nervous about being on a dating website.  You just have to find each other. Like Momma used to say, “You have to kiss a few frogs before you meet your Prince Charming!”
> Keep us informed how it’s going


Only a few?


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## Uptosnuff (Feb 4, 2021)

BlissfullyUnawareCanadian said:


> I fear for my two young daughters. Tinder and other hook-up apps seem to have made hook-ups the norm. I’ve over heard young people (both women and men) talk about how they “hooked-up” with someone the night before and that was that. They meet, have sex and then continue on looking for others. I can see this being fun for a short while but I would think it would lead to a life of high expectations and furthermore, loneliness. These young people who I’ve heard talk like this base everything on looks, without knowing if that person is a good person or not. I know not all young people are like this, same for not all old folk are not like this. It just makes me sad to think my daughters are both going to start dating in the next 10 years and this is the environment they will be exposed to.


I totally understand your feelings on this.  My daughter was married for 10 years then divorced.  She said the dating world has totally changed in that time.  She had met her ex-husband through gradate classes at the university.  Now, she is working from home and the only way to "find" guys to date is through the dating sites.  She has been doing this for a couple of years now without much success and hates this way of meeting and dating guys.

I feel the world is going backwards with regards to communication and social interaction.  Every thing is virtual now.  It makes me wonder where we will be in 10, 20, 50 years from now?


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## Serenity4321 (Feb 4, 2021)

Butterfly said:


> I don't need all that drama in my life.  I have no desire to cater to, cook for or clean up after anyone other than myself ever again.  Period.


Awwww but maybe you could find someone to cater, cook and clean for you 
 LOL ok.... jk..

I have never been on a dating site and doubt I will ....well except maybe  out of curiosity. I know a lot of people have met their _significant others _on sites but since I was married before the internet I never considered them.


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## Brookswood (Feb 5, 2021)

Serenity4321 said:


> Awwww but maybe you could find someone to cater, cook and clean for you
> LOL ok.... jk..
> 
> I have never been on a dating site and doubt I will ....well except maybe  out of curiosity. I know a lot of people have met their _significant others _on sites but since I was married before the internet I never considered them.


If you're married I would hope you would not be on any dating sites.

When I used them a few years back I was shocked at how many married women are on dating sites.    They had all sorts of excuses "I am only married on paper", "It's just a legal necessity", "My marriage is dead except for the law", and so on.    I finally had to put a warning in my profile that made it clear I was looking for 'legally single' partners.   Of course, I was also legally single. I did not date until almost two years after my divorce.  In retrospect,  I guess I should't have been surprised given my ex-wife's behavior in the last three years of our marriage.


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## Brookswood (Feb 5, 2021)

Uptosnuff said:


> I totally understand your feelings on this.  My daughter was married for 10 years then divorced.  She said the dating world has totally changed in that time.  She had met her ex-husband through gradate classes at the university.  Now, she is working from home and the only way to "find" guys to date is through the dating sites.  She has been doing this for a couple of years now without much success and hates this way of meeting and dating guys.
> 
> I feel the world is going backwards with regards to communication and social interaction.  Every thing is virtual now.  It makes me wonder where we will be in 10, 20, 50 years from now?



Wow, we have a lot of people with daughters over 50!!!.


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## Gaer (Feb 5, 2021)

Brookswood said:


> If you're married I would hope you would not be on any dating sites.
> 
> When I used them a few years back I was shocked at how many married women are on dating sites.    They had all sorts of excuses "I am only married on paper", "It's just a legal necessity", "My marriage is dead except for the law", and so on.    I finally had to put a warning in my profile that made it clear I was looking for 'legally single' partners.   Of course, I was also legally single. I did not date until almost two years after my divorce.  In retrospect,  I guess I should't have been surprised given my ex-wife's behavior in the last three years of our marriage.


I have a friend (aquaintance) who was on SEVERAL dating sites while she was married.  She fell in love with one man who needed money to get out of England (!!??!!??)  $2000.  She sent it  it to  him and after a month he wanted to return it to her.   He suggested she give him her bank account number so he could just do a transfer WIRE so it wouldn't be noticed by her husband.
She did that and the next day she checked at the bank to see it it was returned.  He had wiped out her entire account, her husband's business account and their joint account!  Her husband divorced her.
Oh, I'm not done.  She went BACK  on the dating sites!   This happened a year later with a man from Nigeria.  She showed me his picture, tall, caucasian, bearded, really handsome!  I said,"That's not him!  That's a fake picture!"
She replyed,
"No, That's really  him!  and he loves me! but he needs money to get out of Nigeria!"

Honest to God!


----------



## Serenity4321 (Feb 6, 2021)

Brookswood said:


> If you're married I would hope you would not be on any dating sites.
> 
> When I used them a few years back I was shocked at how many married women are on dating sites.    They had all sorts of excuses "I am only married on paper", "It's just a legal necessity", "My marriage is dead except for the law", and so on.    I finally had to put a warning in my profile that made it clear I was looking for 'legally single' partners.   Of course, I was also legally single. I did not date until almost two years after my divorce.  In retrospect,  I guess I should't have been surprised given my ex-wife's behavior in the last three years of our marriage.


I am widowed ..(ugh I really do not like that word). Personally,  I agree with you that married people do not belong on dating sites but I I am trying to be open to everyone's beliefs and opinions. I am trying to be nonjudgmental and accept what I may not approve of others find acceptable.


----------



## Brookswood (Feb 6, 2021)

Gaer said:


> I have a friend (aquaintance) who was on SEVERAL dating sites while she was married.  She fell in love with one man who needed money to get out of England (!!??!!??)  $2000.  She sent it  it to  him and after a month he wanted to return it to her.   He suggested she give him her bank account number so he could just do a transfer WIRE so it wouldn't be noticed by her husband.
> She did that and the next day she checked at the bank to see it it was returned.  He had wiped out her entire account, her husband's business account and their joint account!  Her husband divorced her.
> Oh, I'm not done.  She went BACK  on the dating sites!   This happened a year later with a man from Nigeria.  She showed me his picture, tall, caucasian, bearded, really handsome!  I said,"That's not him!  That's a fake picture!"
> She replyed,
> "No, That's really  him!  and he loves me! but he needs money to get out of Nigeria!"


What a terrible story.    But, I should mention that I have met some very fine women on dating sites.   And a friend of mine is about to marry a gal he met.  She is a jewel.     It's a shame the married cheaters and liars, have to mess up the sites, but we cannot let these people run our lives.   Frankly, if all the sites were closed forever, the jerks, theives and liars will find another way to hurt their victims. 

Take it slow and careful. Don't bet the farm. Keep your independence.


----------



## Jeni (Feb 6, 2021)

Uptosnuff said:


> I totally understand your feelings on this.  My daughter was married for 10 years then divorced.  She said the dating world has totally changed in that time.  She had met her ex-husband through gradate classes at the university.  Now, she is working from home and the only way to "find" guys to date is through the dating sites.  She has been doing this for a couple of years now without much success and hates this way of meeting and dating guys.
> 
> I feel the world is going backwards with regards to communication and social interaction.  Every thing is virtual now.  It makes me wonder where we will be in 10, 20, 50 years from now?



I too feel the world is going backwards in communication and social interaction........ sounds like a old west mail order bride...... exchanging letters without the true picture of what you are getting in to.   

 This meet online....... More often then not people only sharing the highlights the good points ....... edit every utterance ability ...... framing your comments more carefully ....... perhaps very positive pictures ......if they even use their own.   

When meeting in person you get body language you see the best and worst. ......less time to think form your responses.   maybe see their friends and others and notice how they interact with others    ....... you get NONE of that on line. 

I recently read TIPS from a FRIEND Match  site / NOT a dating site .............
it was alarming they made it seem if you choose to meet in person be prepared for  things.......... l_ike make sure another person knows where you are the entire time........do not go alone and meet in public place......._
these are actually on their site  ..... _telling you do not use your real name and never tell them where you live..._

Who do THEY think is using their site?

i think it is easy to perhaps share too much or think you feel something more if you are lonely and the person on the other side of the screen fills a void ..... sparks your imagination ...chats with you when others are not .. but real life is far more complicated.


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## izzy (Feb 6, 2021)

Ruthanne said:


> *I was chatting with a man at a dating site and I guess I took too long, in his opinion, to try to get to know him.  He quit chatting with me.  I find many of the guys who contact me want to go off the site right away.  The site warns not to do go off the site with the person too quickly.  *
> 
> *So, now I am chatting with 3 other guys there trying to get to know them and decide if I want to meet any of them.
> 
> ...


Been there, done that and subsequently bought a dog.   Good luck


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## MarciKS (Feb 8, 2021)

Jeni said:


> I too feel the world is going backwards in communication and social interaction........ sounds like a old west mail order bride...... exchanging letters without the true picture of what you are getting in to.
> 
> This meet online....... More often then not people only sharing the highlights the good points ....... edit every utterance ability ...... framing your comments more carefully ....... perhaps very positive pictures ......if they even use their own.
> 
> ...


Just because it's not a dating site doesn't mean that ****** predators aren't gonna go there. That is why they tell you those things. But it won't keep them from following you home.


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## Jeni (Feb 8, 2021)

MarciKS said:


> Just because it's not a dating site doesn't mean that ****** predators aren't gonna go there. That is why they tell you those things. But it won't keep them from following you home.


this is what is wrong as i am sure many people would like to have people to chat with or make friends but too many psychos spoil everything....
I think most people know the items they wrote as tips.( common sense) ..................

. but they were so  strong about it probably deterred more normal people from even attempting to use their site...............thought of a package on snacks saying warning can make you FAT ....true but not your best marketing tool.


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## MarciKS (Feb 8, 2021)

Jeni said:


> this is what is wrong as i am sure many people would like to have people to chat with or make friends but too many psychos spoil everything....
> I think most people know the items they wrote as tips.( common sense) ..................
> 
> . but they were so  strong about it probably deterred more normal people from even attempting to use their site...............thought of a package on snacks saying warning can make you FAT ....true but not your best marketing tool.


probably trying to avoid lawsuits.

it would be nice to have a place to make friends but you're right...the psychos wreck it.


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## oldiebutgoody (Feb 8, 2021)

Ruthanne said:


> Is anyone else dating or trying to date at this age?





I gave up on dating a long time ago.  The few women who took any interest in me were highly neurotic and were over sexed or psycho.  Yuck.  I have no use for garbage like that.  Only a small handful of desirable women took some slight interest in me - intellectual types who saw me as witty and as an intellectual equal.  But these quickly got tired of me when they learned they made more money than I did.  Sadly, I never found any use for the two degrees I got in college and law school. Lived out my life in poverty roaming from menial job to menial job.  Women don't like that kind of stuff but that's the way it is all too often.


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## Keesha (Feb 8, 2021)

Gaer said:


> I have a friend (aquaintance) who was on SEVERAL dating sites while she was married.  She fell in love with one man who needed money to get out of England (!!??!!??)  $2000.  She sent it  it to  him and after a month he wanted to return it to her.   He suggested she give him her bank account number so he could just do a transfer WIRE so it wouldn't be noticed by her husband.
> She did that and the next day she checked at the bank to see it it was returned.  He had wiped out her entire account, her husband's business account and their joint account!  Her husband divorced her.
> Oh, I'm not done.  She went BACK  on the dating sites!   This happened a year later with a man from Nigeria.  She showed me his picture, tall, caucasian, bearded, really handsome!  I said,"That's not him!  That's a fake picture!"
> She replyed,
> ...


There’s soooo many people out there being scammed like this. You’d think / hope something would click .... , maybe not intuition but just a tad of common sense but their wants, desires and emotions over ride any common sense. I sincerely feel so bad for people I see in these situations. They often lose their entire life savings and all to people who don’t give a damn about them. So incredibly sad.


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## Aunt Marg (Feb 8, 2021)

oldiebutgoody said:


> I gave up on dating a long time ago.  The few women who took any interest in me were highly neurotic and were over sexed or psycho.  Yuck.  I have no use for garbage like that.  Only a small handful of desirable women took some slight interest in me - intellectual types who saw me as witty and as an intellectual equal.  But these quickly got tired of me when they learned they made more money than I did.  Sadly, I never found any use for the two degrees I got in college and law school. Lived out my life in poverty roaming from menial job to menial job.  Women don't like that kind of stuff but that's the way it is all too often.


Sadly our world is heading deeper and farther into the abyss of greed, materialism, and relationships for all the wrong reasons.

Seems it's not so much about love anymore as it is, _what's in it for me_.


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## izzy (Feb 9, 2021)

Brookswood said:


> If you're married I would hope you would not be on any dating sites.
> 
> When I used them a few years back I was shocked at how many married women are on dating sites.    They had all sorts of excuses "I am only married on paper", "It's just a legal necessity", "My marriage is dead except for the law", and so on.    I finally had to put a warning in my profile that made it clear I was looking for 'legally single' partners.   Of course, I was also legally single. I did not date until almost two years after my divorce.  In retrospect,  I guess I should't have been surprised given my ex-wife's behavior in the last three years of our marriage.


Marriage means different things to different people.  Sometimes when you scratch the surface there are more people than you would think who are in miserable marriages so not surprised so many on dating sites are married, but carry on with the charade as to them marriage is a badge of honour.  They look at me in a pitiful manner when I say I am single as if they are somehow superiour.  Marriage  is only worth it when the person you are married to is the love of your life and nothing less.  So better to be single and avoid dating sites.  Like I said before get a dog as they really are 100% faithful.


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## Brookswood (Feb 9, 2021)

The dating world is like pro-sports world.  Filled with people who don't play the game but think they are experts. 

I must admit I am saddened by the amount of cynicism I read here. Most of the women I have met via online sites have been wonderful people. Granted, they were not right for me, nor I for them, but that does not detract from their virtues.     Or mine.


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## MarciKS (Feb 9, 2021)

Cynicism comes from lots of experience with being jacked around.


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## Gaer (Feb 9, 2021)

Intimacy,****** play,tenderness, the desire for seduction: all are important parts of a relationship.
Don't you think we're all a bit licentious after being shut up in our homes alone for all this time, because of the virus?
Because one is ****** doesn't mean they don't respond or love, music, art, philosophy, literature, physics, and have a thousand other interests.
It's an important part of a relationship IMO, but certainly not the most important.
What is INSIDE a person is of course, the quality of their SOUL, is the MOST important thing!


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## mellowyellow (Feb 9, 2021)

Loneliness is a terrible thing, can't blame anyone for looking online for someone to love, I think it's still worth the risk, you could get lucky.


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## Dana (Feb 10, 2021)

What's happened to meeting someone this way!


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## Ronni (Feb 10, 2021)

Brookswood said:


> The dating world is like pro-sports world.  Filled with people who don't play the game but think they are experts.
> 
> I must admit I am saddened by the amount of cynicism I read here. Most of the women I have met via online sites have been wonderful people. Granted, they were not right for me, nor I for them, but that does not detract from their virtues.     Or mine.


I’ve been on dating sites and have never had any trouble weeding out the creeps and opportunists. The several relationships that evolved as a result were all good experiences. Good, kind men, willing to take weeks for us to get to know each other online before we met in person, and also completely ok with arranging the first few meetings very publicly so I felt safe. Even though we ultimately weren’t right for each other, I am still friends with two of the men, one of whom eventually found his love and they’re married now.  

Anyone I chatted with on those sites who wanted to meet immediately and were put off by my insistence that we take our time, I just didn’t continue with. We obviously had very different agendas.


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## hellomimi (Feb 12, 2021)

I met a few decent men online, video chat with them at first before we met in person. I can truthfully say that not all men are players nor do they like to hurt women. I realized that even though they're good men but if we're not on the same page in meeting our needs, we stop seeing each other. No harm, no foul. These men have good communication skills, we say what we mean and answer questions directly. I am grateful to them for teaching me how to effectively communicate with them. 

A friend who's a relationship coach once told me to reveal my authentic self, IOW, just be me. The right man for me will get it and continue to pursue me because he wants me in his life. With that, I'm not pressured to impress him, he sees and values my worth as I am.


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## hellomimi (Feb 12, 2021)

Brookswood said:


> Most of the women I have met via online sites have been wonderful people. Granted, they were not right for me, nor I for them, but that does not detract from their virtues.     Or mine.


We may be the outliers here due to our positive dating experiences. I understand those who've become cynical and salty when it comes to relationships especially if the ones they attract are the ones they abhor. We should look deeper into ourselves if we're attracting the wrong men or women.

For those who still seek love in their life, they have to be open to let love in. For those who say they're done with love, then love becomes elusive to them. Words and thoughts are powerful.


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## Lewkat (Feb 12, 2021)

I have just got around to reading this entire thread and all the comments contained therein.  At my age of 88 tender years, I am lucky I can even say date much less consider undertaking going on one.  However, let me say this, when I look at some young fellas today with my experienced eye, they look quite delectable to me compared to how I looked at them when I was the same age as they.  Funny how back in the day, an older or rather, more mature man was appealing to me and today and good looking young dude is a delight to behold.  Something about us wanting to deny our end is coming I guess or whatever.  But older men, in my age bracket don't even get  a passing glance from me.  At any rate, I've had a great time and my hubby was one handsome dude as is our son for which I am grateful.  I'll raise a glass in a toast to you all who are still seeking love with Mr. or Ms. Right and God bless you all.  But like a couple of others here I and my companionable doggie are happy as clams.


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## Gaer (Feb 12, 2021)

Lewcat, Loretta Young got married at age 83, I think!
Anyway, I Loved your post!


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## Lewkat (Feb 12, 2021)

Gaer, Loretta Young was, well, Loretta Young and I am Lois E. Winters.  See the difference?


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## Gaer (Feb 12, 2021)

Lewkat said:


> Gaer, Loretta Young was, well, Loretta Young and I am Lois E. Winters.  See the difference?


No, Yousound like a beautiful lady1 Beauty steals inward, but it's still beauty!


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## Lewkat (Feb 12, 2021)

Thank you, Gaer.  I do think Loretta could have gotten married at 103 if she was around.  I did watch her show once in awhile when I was younger.  Loved the way she entered that room through the door.


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## Butterfly (Feb 13, 2021)

MarciKS said:


> Just because it's not a dating site doesn't mean that ****** predators aren't gonna go there. That is why they tell you those things. But it won't keep them from following you home.



And not just ****** predators.  Financial predators, too.  And all kinds of God know what other predators.  That guy who says he's a 60 year old widower looking for companionship may be just that, or he could be a guy looking for someone gullible to fleece, or worse.  And some of those guys are very slick and know just what to say to entice a potential victim.  

I think the advice Jeni was talking about above is very sound.


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## Jondalar7 (Mar 2, 2021)

I knew a disabled guy who I did some free work for until I found out he was supplementing his disability income by getting women he met on the internet to help him with his phone bill. He would repay them quickly. When they sent enough to help with rent he would ghost them. I discovered this one day when in his glee, he showed me an $800. dollar check he had just received. I try not to mistrust anyone's intent until they show there colors.


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## Robert59 (Jul 11, 2021)

What about dating after 60?


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## oldiebutgoody (Jul 11, 2021)

The current generation has  the term  "incel" to describe those guys who are said to be involuntarily celibate.  Dunno if there is a similar term for females in this category.  It largely describes me as it does most single guys.  But hey, that's life.


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## Ladybj (Jul 11, 2021)

Robert59 said:


> What about dating after 60?


Depends on the individual.  If you are looking to date..go for it!  There are scammers and there are a lot of good honest people.  Not perfect but there are a lot of people looking for the same thing - Love, Honesty, Respect and Happiness...jmo


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## Verisure (Jul 12, 2021)

I pretty much gave up "dating" by the time I was 50. It's too much trouble. I did meet my wife when I was well over 50 but she's 22 years younger than me and I thought she was only going to be my friend. She had other ideas. We ended up getting married and we have a son together who was born when I was 60. He's 14 now.


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## Colleen (Jul 12, 2021)

No thank you!!!


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## Frogfur (Jul 12, 2021)

Ruthanne said:


> *I was chatting with a man at a dating site and I guess I took too long, in his opinion, to try to get to know him.  He quit chatting with me.  I find many of the guys who contact me want to go off the site right away.  The site warns not to do go off the site with the person too quickly.  *
> 
> *So, now I am chatting with 3 other guys there trying to get to know them and decide if I want to meet any of them.
> 
> ...


You ought to try dating after 70.
After my wife passed away, I found I didn't know much about dating.
A companion might be nice. Someone to go to a movie with, or fish'n a walk etc. 
I've got family and grand kids in the area so I'm not alone but live alone.


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## Verisure (Jul 12, 2021)

Frogfur said:


> You ought to try dating after 70.
> After my wife passed away, I found I didn't know much about dating.
> *A companion might be nice. Someone to go to a movie with, or fish'n a walk etc.*
> I've got family and grand kids in the area so I'm not alone but live alone.


That shouldn't be too difficult to arrange. I'll bet there are lots of elderly women who'd love to spend some easy time with you. The only problem I can see is deciding which one to choose.


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## timoc (Jul 12, 2021)

Dating After 50​You can eat dates at any age, I don't care for them myself, they give me wind.


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## Frogfur (Jul 12, 2021)

Verisure said:


> That shouldn't be too difficult to arrange. I'll bet there are lots of elderly women who'd love to spend some easy time with you. The only problem I can see is deciding which one to choose.


I wish that were true. But folks seem scared of one another and mis trustful. I understand that.
I'm not stupid, but i don't want to spend the rest of my days thinking everyone I meet is out to use or abuse me either. 
I don't need someone to take care of me. I'm fine. But some adults conversation would be nice at times.


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## Gaer (Jul 12, 2021)

Well, I'm not sure anymore that I want to be alone the rest of my life.  So, I might look around. Not going to go on a site though.
and
He would have to be pretty incredible!  kind of a Shakespearian Grizzly Adams who likes old rock and roll!
Ha!  I'm so weird, He would have to be so indulgent!  He would have to have a personality through the roof!


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## CinnamonSugar (Jul 12, 2021)

Gaer said:


> He would have to be pretty incredible!  kind of a Shakespearian Grizzly Adams who likes old rock and roll!


Lol @Gaer, I like the way you think!


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## Murrmurr (Jul 12, 2021)

Verisure said:


> I pretty much gave up "dating" by the time I was 50. It's too much trouble. I did meet my wife when I was well over 50 but she's 22 years younger than me and I thought she was only going to be my friend. She had other ideas. We ended up getting married and we have a son together who was born when I was 60. He's 14 now.


Same here. I did date after 50, but swore to myself I'd remain a bachelor till death.
Then I met Michelle early this year and we married a couple months ago. Best thing to happen to me in a very long time.


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## Gaer (Jul 12, 2021)

I remember when you met her, MurrMurr!  You said she came up and caressed your butt, to get your attention.
Congrats on your marriage!  She's sure got a good man!


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## Murrmurr (Jul 12, 2021)

Gaer said:


> I remember when you met her, MurrMurr!  You said she came up and caressed your butt, to get your attention.
> Congrats on your marriage!  She's sure got a good man!


First time we slept together she said "Yep. I knew I was right about that little ba'hind of yours."


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## Dancing_Queen (Jul 12, 2021)

Ruthanne said:


> *I was chatting with a man at a dating site and I guess I took too long, in his opinion, to try to get to know him.  He quit chatting with me.  I find many of the guys who contact me want to go off the site right away.  The site warns not to do go off the site with the person too quickly.  *
> 
> *So, now I am chatting with 3 other guys there trying to get to know them and decide if I want to meet any of them.
> 
> ...


I met my second late husband on a dating site.  I'm now in my mid-seventies and any man still alive at this age seems to have serious issues.  But I keep trying!


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## Gaer (Jul 12, 2021)

Dancing_Queen said:


> I met my second late husband on a dating site.  I'm now in my mid-seventies and any man still alive at this age seems to have serious issues.  But I keep trying!


About the same age!  I was against younger men but there must be some younger men who are intelligent, aware and capable of love.
So I've opened up to new possibilities!  Why not younger? I feel and look younger than my chronological age.  
If we are healthy and active, why should we limit ourselves to older men?  We don't need their liabilities or "serious issues".
Just thinkin!


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## Dancing_Queen (Jul 12, 2021)

Gaer said:


> About the same age!  I was against younger men but there must be some younger men who are intelligent, aware and capable of love.
> So I've opened up to new possibilities!  Why not younger? I feel and look younger than my chronological age.
> If we are healthy and active, why should we limit ourselves to older men?  We don't need their liabilities or "serious issues".
> Just thinkin!


I do a search beginning at 65.  I figure that any man younger than that who would want a woman that much older is probably looking for someone to support him.  But, if he wants to find me, go ahead.


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## Verisure (Jul 12, 2021)

Frogfur said:


> I wish that were true. But folks seem scared of one another and mis trustful. I understand that.
> I'm not stupid, but i don't want to spend the rest of my days thinking everyone I meet is out to use or abuse me either.
> I don't need someone to take care of me. I'm fine. But some adults conversation would be nice at times.


I'm sure you are speaking from experience but mine tells me that the older people get the more open, honest, and friendly they become with others of their own age. I believe there are tons of men and women in the very same situation as you and would just love to meet you and others for the same companionship that you yearn for. I don't belong to any club or evening class where people often meet but I do ride the city buses  (in the elderly seats up-front) and it is astounding how easily strangers of my own age open themselves up to discussion in those few minutes talking about taboo political subjects about which younger people would only speak in whispers amongst themselves at home. Social contact is very difficult to come by in Sweden so it is highly pleasurable to meet people who say what's on their mind without any hindrance at all. It's great to be a senior citizen!


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## Verisure (Jul 12, 2021)

Dancing_Queen said:


> I do a search beginning at 65.  I figure that any man younger than that who would want a woman that much older is probably looking for someone to support him.  But, if he wants to find me, go ahead.


The problem might be that ....... you're a teaser, you turn 'em on, leave 'em burning and then you're gone.


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## Dancing_Queen (Jul 13, 2021)

Verisure said:


> The problem might be that ....... you're a teaser, you turn 'em on, leave 'em burning and then you're gone.


I'm sorry, but I don't understand.  I search for men beginning at the age of 65 because I don't think anyone younger than that will show an interest.  However, if someone younger would make the contact, I'd treat him the same as I would an older man.


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## Verisure (Jul 13, 2021)

Dancing_Queen said:


> I'm sorry, but I don't understand. .......................


*2:20*


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## Dancing_Queen (Jul 13, 2021)

Verisure said:


> *2:20*


Got it!


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## Robert59 (Jul 14, 2021)

Had a friend that wanted sex in his late 70's and would chase his girlfriend around his house he said but he couldn't have sex because of his diabetes condition. Been to doctor's it didn't help.


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## Verisure (Jul 14, 2021)

Robert59 said:


> Had a friend that wanted sex in his late 70's and would chase his girlfriend around his house he said but he couldn't have sex because of his diabetes condition. Been to doctor's it didn't help.


I think your friend's worst ailment was his imagination/fantasy.


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## Ruby Rose (Jul 14, 2021)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> I should edit my response to "Dating After 50" because in my case it would be "Dating Pushing 80"!!


No thank you please...it only makes me sneeze!


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## Chris P Bacon (Jul 14, 2021)

Robert59 said:


> Had a friend that wanted sex in his late 70's and would chase his girlfriend around his house he said but he couldn't have sex because of his diabetes condition. Been to doctor's it didn't help.


Maybe not in the traditional sense but where there's a will, there's a way. But if his girlfriend isn't willing ("he chases her") then that is probably a bigger hindrance than his diabetes. Solo sex is better than no sex at all but like much of life, it's an experience that's better when it's a shared one.


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## Brookswood (Jul 14, 2021)

Some women are too picky. They end up spending their time telling others that most men their age have too many issues, problems, prefer younger gals, etc.

The non picky ones are enjoying a good man's company,  enjoying new experiences with him, all the while saying 'Vive la difference".


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## Brookswood (Jul 14, 2021)

Younger men are definetly safer than younger women. 

A guy I know in his 60's is the father of two young twins thanks to his interest in a  younger woman.   Alas, his bragging rights are long gone, unless he wants to brag about his diaper changing skills.
A younger man will never get pregnant on you.   That's one advantage the ladies have.


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## Verisure (Jul 14, 2021)

Brookswood said:


> Some women are too picky. They end up spending their time telling others that most men their age have too many issues, problems, prefer younger gals, etc.
> 
> The non picky ones are enjoying a good man's company,  enjoying new experiences with him, all the while saying 'Vive la difference".


That's an interesting view. In my late 50's I would have liked to meet a woman about my own age because I wanted to be with someone who would understand life on the same level as I. Then I met my wife waiting at the same tram-stop and I was eager to meet someone from her wonderful country. I was interested in having a friend who could give me insight into the country and the people there. I had already decided to return to Slovakia every summer until I found some other fascinating country to capture my interest. Anyway, she was (is) 22 years younger than me so my intentions were honourabe. It was the following year (with many e-mails in the meantime) when she made her feelings clear. She is so damned charming that I fell like a ton of bricks! Also, my previous divorce left me separated from my two sons, and the thought of having another child was alluring. So, my prejudices against "younger women" melted away. True, I make excuses for the age difference in mentality but the fact that we come from completely different cultural backgrounds is no less challenging. I'm not sure which one of us has had to make the greatest sacrifices in compromise but my life with her and our son is (for me) well worth it!


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## Dancing_Queen (Jul 15, 2021)

Brookswood said:


> Some women are too picky. They end up spending their time telling others that most men their age have too many issues, problems, prefer younger gals, etc.
> 
> The non picky ones are enjoying a good man's company,  enjoying new experiences with him, all the while saying 'Vive la difference".


By issues I mean lying, severe anger, etc.


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## Brookswood (Jul 19, 2021)

Dancing_Queen said:


> By issues I mean lying, severe anger, etc.


Now that is a different story. And puts another light on things.


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## Brookswood (Jul 19, 2021)

Verisure said:


> That's an interesting view. In my late 50's I would have liked to meet a woman about my own age because I wanted to be with someone who would understand life on the same level as I. Then I met my wife waiting at the same tram-stop and I was eager to meet someone from her wonderful country. I was interested in having a friend who could give me insight into the country and the people there. I had already decided to return to Slovakia every summer until I found some other fascinating country to capture my interest. Anyway, she was (is) 22 years younger than me so my intentions were honourabe. It was the following year (with many e-mails in the meantime) when she made her feelings clear. She is so damned charming that I fell like a ton of bricks! Also, my previous divorce left me separated from my two sons, and the thought of having another child was alluring. So, my prejudices against "younger women" melted away. True, I make excuses for the age difference in mentality but the fact that we come from completely different cultural backgrounds is no less challenging. I'm not sure which one of us has had to make the greatest sacrifices in compromise but my life with her and our son is (for me) well worth it!


It's amazing what life tosses our way at times.   I understand your situation, not on a personal level but on a cultural one.    On my first trip to Italy (my ancestors home country) years ago I was a big amazed at the number of village women from about 20 to 35 who were married to men anywhere from 15 to 30 years older than them.   Apparently, it is (or was) not uncommon for a young woman to marry an older man of means in order to insure that her children would always be well off.    Today, I am not so certain that is so true in modern Italy. 

But, I have a neighbor who returned from SE Asia with a wife 30 years younger than he is.   Same thing.  She was destined to scratching out a living in her home country, but married to him she now lives in a very nice part of America, has a good paying job, and they have a young child they both love.     Who am I to question that?


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## Verisure (Jul 19, 2021)

Brookswood said:


> It's amazing what life tosses our way at times.   I understand your situation, not on a personal level but on a cultural one.    On my first trip to Italy (my ancestors home country) years ago I was a big amazed at the number of village women from about 20 to 35 who were married to men anywhere from 15 to 30 years older than them.   Apparently, it is (or was) not uncommon for a young woman to marry an older man of means in order to insure that her children would always be well off.    Today, I am not so certain that is so true in modern Italy.
> 
> But, I have a neighbor who returned from SE Asia with a wife 30 years younger than he is.   Same thing.  She was destined to scratching out a living in her home country, but married to him she now lives in a very nice part of America, has a good paying job, and they have a young child they both love.     Who am I to question that?


Everything depends upon what you need, what she needs, and if you can both either maintain those needs or develop them in tandem. But that’s the same formulae for any couple regardless of age or ethnicity. Anyway, people meet at one point in theirs lives and what the both of them want will definitely change with time so there is no "magic”. I enjoy life by analysing everything in it. My wife doesn’t give a crap about the “hows” and “whys” of life as long as she has a certain amount of control in our family and that whatever we want/need as a family is within reach. So, intellectually (a very poor choice of words) we are opposites but we provide for one another in a way that makes sense.


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## caroln (Jul 28, 2021)

retiredtraveler said:


> I'm married to the person to whom I was set up with a blind date. Never know....


Me too! 37 years now.


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## fancicoffee13 (Jul 28, 2021)

Ruthanne said:


> *I was chatting with a man at a dating site and I guess I took too long, in his opinion, to try to get to know him.  He quit chatting with me.  I find many of the guys who contact me want to go off the site right away.  The site warns not to do go off the site with the person too quickly.  *
> 
> *So, now I am chatting with 3 other guys there trying to get to know them and decide if I want to meet any of them.
> 
> ...


I dated men locally.  I tried the online stuff, didn't like it so went back to the local people.  Met a man in my neighborhood, in 6 months we were engaged to be married.  We have been married for a little over a year now and are so happy.


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## caroln (Jul 28, 2021)

Lewkat said:


> I have just got around to reading this entire thread and all the comments contained therein.  At my age of 88 tender years, I am lucky I can even say date much less consider undertaking going on one.  However, let me say this, when I look at some young fellas today with my experienced eye, they look quite delectable to me compared to how I looked at them when I was the same age as they.  Funny how back in the day, an older or rather, more mature man was appealing to me *and today and good looking young dude is a delight to behold.*  Something about us wanting to deny our end is coming I guess or whatever.  But older men, in my age bracket don't even get  a passing glance from me.  At any rate, I've had a great time and my hubby was one handsome dude as is our son for which I am grateful.  I'll raise a glass in a toast to you all who are still seeking love with Mr. or Ms. Right and God bless you all.  But like a couple of others here I and my companionable doggie are happy as clams.


Kudos!!  I'm a few weeks shy of 73 and I can definitely appreciate a good looking young guy!  Whenever I say anything, like, "he can eat crackers in my bed anytime" my daughter just gasps and says "Mom!" Guess she thinks I'm over the hill or something.


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