# Any advice for a lonely widow?



## hh132648 (Jun 21, 2012)

My husband passed away when our children were in their teens.  I dated some, but never re-married.  Now I'm 68, raising my great-grandchild and I need a break.  I feel like I've spent my whole life since being a wife and mother.  Where could I go to meet others my age just looking for companionship?  I've tried the parks and grocery stores but had no luck.  Any suggetsions friends?


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## SeaBreeze (Jun 21, 2012)

There's usually senior activities available in many areas. A senior center is a good place to start if there's one near you. Sometimes there are trips available for groups, that might be fun and a good place to meet others with similar interests.  I understand how you might feel, having devoted most of your life to caring for others, time for some "me" time...you deserve it!


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## Trevor (Jun 21, 2012)

Yeah you should look for listings of activities for senior citizens. There has to be a local paper that you can go to and look people that want to have friends and maybe even relationships.


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## SeaBreeze (Jun 21, 2012)

Just beware of your safety when looking through the local papers, don't be too trusting, lots of jokers out there looking to take advantage of the elderly.


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## Landry (Jun 21, 2012)

I have always thought to myself if my wife passed away before I do if I will go out and find some one else to keep me company. Right now I am not to sure If I would or not, but I would imagined that there would be places online where you could find new and interesting people. Maybe you could find some one on here, who knows?


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## ArthurN (Jul 16, 2012)

Hi hh, a few of my senior friends met special people on Match.com. I would give that a try or try Meetup.com to search for local dating groups. Good luck!


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## TWHRider (Aug 6, 2012)

You don't say if your great grandchild is physically living with you 24/7 and whether or not you are the sole decision maker for that child.

If you are essentially "mom" and get very little relief from those duties, it limits you to doing things in your immediate area and also to just being able to take day trips, provided the child is old enough to be in school all day.

As has been mentioned, I would look to the Senior Citizen in your closest town.  They can be of tremendous help, not only acting as a Getaway but also just to have folks in your age bracket to talk to (commonality

What about local churches?  Some church groups have come a long way in providing a place to meet for various age groups and those always seem to include food made by the best "mom chefs" in the county

The fact you are raising your great grandchild, leads to me to think you are very easy going and perhaps too gentle-natured; so, as SeaBreeze has commented, don't be too trusting of someone.  If you were to meet someone and they just sounded way too good to be true?  They probably are and they're probably lieing; especially if you happen to have more money than they do, no matter how little that is.  

Skinny Ole Mr. TWHRider (who's never smoked or done drugs) had a big fat heart attack on April Fool's Day.  He is now perfectly fine.  Went back to work the next week and made sure he got well, fast enough, to get to the tractor and start bushhogging the pastures before I could.  Howeverrrr, you'd be surprised the men that said "if ya need anything, yuuuu jest holler".  Some were truly well-meaning and some weren't; thankfully I know who's who - lol lol.

So go surround yourself with some folks your age that are local folks but still keep your ears perked up for the "yuuu jest holler" guys that might have something else in mind


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## Rick (Oct 20, 2012)

My sister met people by joining the YWCA. She enrolled in some low impact water exercise classes and I think she also plays cards with other women there. I don't know what other activities they have for seniors but I'm sure it's easy to check it out. A health club might also have exercises designed for seniors.


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## Elzee (Oct 31, 2012)

Sounds like you do need a break. What about joining the Red Hat Society? It seems those women have a great time. I thought that if I become a widow, that is what I would do. Buy a Red Hat and kick up my feet! 

My husband and I joined the Primetimers at our church - the age range is 50 to 150.  We are on the young end of this age range in this senior citizen group, but its great to be around such lively and spry  octogenarians and nonagenarians!  I am sure you can find a seniors group as there are senior citizen centers or groups in every community.


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## TWHRider (Nov 1, 2012)

I completely forgot about the Red Hats and one of my life-long friends belongs - lol lol  She has been a member for 12 - 15 years and has a riotous time with them.

She's not widowed either - they just sort of go their separate ways - lol lol I'm laughing because I don't blame her for making her own life; you'd have to know both of them - lol

http://www.redhatsociety.com/


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## teamrose (Nov 3, 2012)

I don't know your religious beliefs, but church is a great meeting place. If you're a Christian join a large mega church. You're bound to meet plenty of people male and female. They have many programs and activities you can join. If not religious, get a hobby. 

If you want male companion choose a hobby men also enjoy. Go to the gun range and learn to fire a weapon. Join a health club, lots of people there. 

Register at eHarmony. There are a lot of liars on the internet, but there are a lot of liars in real life. If you chat someone up on the internet, just make sure you meet with a friend or in a safe, open public place the first 10 times you meet. This will give you time to read the book, "If in doubt, check him out". Once you have his name and where he works, you can find out just about anything you want to know about anybody with simple Google searches. If you can't find him on Google, you probably don't want to know him anyway.


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## Steve (Nov 3, 2012)

Ya know, this might sound a bit rediculous, but have you ever considered getting a pet especially a small dog ???
That will be a fabulous companion that will love you no matter what and it will also get you out of the house daily to walk it..
Now, there is where you might meet other folks by walking your dog.......

Just a suggestion !!!!!!


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## teamrose (Nov 3, 2012)

hh132648 You have been given some wonderful suggestions. I'm a widow myself and am curious how you handle the suggestions. Please keep us informed on your progress or lack thereof. I for one would like to know what worked and what didn't. Heck just blogging about this experience may help pass some of the alone time. Be well.


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## babyboomer (Nov 29, 2013)

Well, live it to the Lady Luck.
Sh**t happens, so does the magic!


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## Pappy (Nov 29, 2013)

I live in a over 55 community and a lot of folks who have lost their partners have meet at our clubhouse and one of several senior centers in our area. A couple of our friends have taken a  partner not just for companionship but to share expenses of everyday living. Good luck and keep the faith.


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## Along the Thames (Nov 29, 2013)

Hello,

Great suggestions!  I hadn't thought of some of them.  My solution is to join Way Up in the United  Kingdom, a group of widows and widowers.  They have interesting socials, monthly lunches in different areas plus holidays (singles traveling together).  Besides this I write to two people (on EVow and Plenty of Fish, internet dating sites).  My volunteer work keeps me busy and is a good social outlet.  Another is my church.  If I wanted to find a companion it would be hard since I really keep comparing them to my late husband.  My answer is just to enjoy each day...spend time with people I like and accept being on my own.

Best Wishes,  Along the Thames


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## JustBonee (Nov 29, 2013)

Along the Thames said:


> Hello,
> 
> Great suggestions!  I hadn't thought of some of them.  My solution is to join Way Up in the United  Kingdom, a group of widows and widowers.  They have interesting socials, monthly lunches in different areas plus holidays (singles traveling together).  Besides this I write to two people (on EVow and Plenty of Fish, internet dating sites).  My volunteer work keeps me busy and is a good social outlet.  Another is my church.  If I wanted to find a companion it would be hard since I really keep comparing them to my late husband.  My answer is just to enjoy each day...spend time with people I like and accept being on my own.
> 
> Best Wishes,  Along the Thames




EVow and Plenty of Fish ...  Thank you for that information!   I enjoy the personal touch of one on one communication best.


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## teamrose (Nov 29, 2013)

The OP may be a lurker, but her plight is shared among others who hadn't thought of taking to the internet for suggestions. As a widow living in South Florida, I can truly relate to being lonely. As we get older if there are no close family, it is sometimes hard to find ways to prevent loneliness. Although there are many senior centers in FL, mostly the activities are just not to my liking. I have no desire to make clay pots or jewelry.


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## Katybug (Nov 29, 2013)

SeaBreeze said:


> Just beware of your safety when looking through the local papers, don't be too trusting, lots of jokers out there looking to take advantage of the elderly.



Good advice and be especially careful on-line.  It's common knowledge there is a big shortage of men, and a few operate on that premise.  I hear about it on TV all the time, women bilked out of $$$.  I'm just hoping there's an active Sr Center close by, as suggested.  That and church, for those who attend.  The more you travel in Sr groups, the more likely you are to meet someone.  Lottsa widowers out there too!  Good luck!


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## Judi.D (Nov 29, 2013)

There are organizations of grandparents raising grandchildren. I finally found one not too far away. We meet twice a month, and organized outings with the kids and without. They are  a great support group a lot of fun too.


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## Katybug (Nov 29, 2013)

Steve said:


> Ya know, this might sound a bit rediculous, but have you ever considered getting a pet especially a small dog ???
> That will be a fabulous companion that will love you no matter what and it will also get you out of the house daily to walk it..
> Now, there is where you might meet other folks by walking your dog.......
> 
> Just a suggestion !!!!!!



Steve, I think you're onto something. I've heard walking your dog is a wonderful way to meet others.


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## JustBonee (Nov 29, 2013)

Katybug said:


> Steve, I think you're onto something. I've heard walking your dog is a wonderful way to meet others.



*small *dog is the key there,  like Steve said ... lol ... or a very well-trained big dog.

If I took my dogs walking, the only people I would meet are the doctors in the ER!  
My fault they aren't trained any better, or that they aren't smaller, but that's just a challenge I've got.  
I just walk myself everyday .. it works out okay.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Nov 29, 2013)

How about giving one of the friendship websites a try? There are some for women only, and one that I just read about today is girlfriendsocial.com and what I like about it is that it's free. Free. As in it doesn't cost anything. LOL I think I'm careful enough to be able to weed out the outright nut cases and any who might think I sound like a soft touch for money. At least I hope I am.

What the heck. It can't hurt to give it a try, right? I really don't require a man in my life (although having a "gentleman caller" might be nice); what I would like to have is a friend or two.


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## Judi.D (Nov 29, 2013)

Teamrose, I agree with you completely. I have been a widow for quite awhile now. Tried the senior center. Mostly they sit around  playing cards, eating, talking and making crafts. There is nothing wrong with that if that it is what you enjoy. However, I enjoy kayaking and hiking. I volunteer at a nature center near by taking people on hikes and nature walks. I also teach and conduct kayaking classes and trips. My point is find ways to do what you enjoy. There are others out there that enjoy the same things, but you have to get out there and find them.


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## Jackie22 (Nov 29, 2013)

Seems there are quite a few of us 'widow ladies' on this forum...a lot of good suggestions here.  I've been a widow for three years, the first year, I was busy with all the things you have to do after the death of a spouse...paperwork, will and just finalizing his affairs, then I like to killed myself trying to stay busy busy...remodeled the house, working outside..just anything to stay busy..lol..my problem is living in a rural, remote area...there are no places to volunteer, I'm not a church goer..there is a local senior center and I've been there and played the games...its ok I guess....maybe I'll find a part time job or maybe I should move to the city..lol


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## Katybug (Nov 30, 2013)

Jackie22 said:


> Seems there are quite a few of us 'widow ladies' on this forum...a lot of good suggestions here.  I've been a widow for three years, the first year, I was busy with all the things you have to do after the death of a spouse...paperwork, will and just finalizing his affairs, then I like to killed myself trying to stay busy busy...remodeled the house, working outside..just anything to stay busy..lol..my problem is living in a rural, remote area...there are no places to volunteer, I'm not a church goer..there is a local senior center and I've been there and played the games...its ok I guess....maybe I'll find a part time job or maybe I should move to the city..lol



It is sooo hard to meet people in your situation, Jackie.  I totally understand the trying to keep busy and fight depression, as when there were several of us laid off from the law office, I thought I was going to have a complete meltdown.  It took a major toll on me, as I live alone and all my friends are married.   Everyday was the same and I was contributing nothing, felt worthless.  I tried the Sr Center and had nothing in common w/anyone the times I went. They were much older and not interested in doing things together like shopping, movies, eating out, etc.  I stopped going after a few times. And when you live in a rural area, it makes it so much harder.  I'm wondering if a part-time job would work for you as it has for me.  I have a whole new outlook on life and it helps my self esteem so much, gives me something to do that I love and keeps me busy.  I wouldn't trade it for anything, tho I definitely stepped out of my box in becoming a Nanny!  I would have never believed I would enjoy it, but I love that boy as if he were my own, and he and his mom & dad have become extended family to me.  It is such a blessing. 

I hope you'll consider part-time work, much easier than moving, if it's something you even remotely enjoy.  Best therapy ever!  Good luck, my dear!


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## Jackie22 (Nov 30, 2013)

Yes, each one of us has to find our own way in dealing with what life hands us. 

Katy....was joking about moving, thats really not practical and I'm not physically up to that..I read with much interest about your job as a shopper for others...sometime when you have time, I'd like to hear the particulars on this....thanks


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## Katybug (Nov 30, 2013)

Jackie22 said:


> Yes, each one of us has to find our own way in dealing with what life hands us.
> 
> Katy....was joking about moving, thats really not practical and I'm not physically up to that..I read with much interest about your job as a shopper for others...sometime when you have time, I'd like to hear the particulars on this....thanks



Sending you a PM.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Nov 30, 2013)

LOL, Jackie. I know you didn't really mean you'd move to the city, and that's a good thing. Lonely in the city isn't a bit different than lonely in the country


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