# My husband is a mess.



## PamfromTx (Sep 26, 2021)

My husband needs a hearing aid and does not want to get his hearing checked.  I have tried to get him an appointment... to no avail.

He can't hear me and misunderstands me more often than not.

Here's the funny story:

He enjoys taking a daily walk in the early evening hours and has met a few 'walkers' and their pets.  He is in love with a basset hound.  The woman told my husband the pup's name.   Hubby comes home after meeting this beautiful pup and tells me he met, "Pamela".  I was so excited that a pup was named that.

Well, during the second time he meets these two on their walk, hubby calls out to, "Pamela".  The woman looked at him and told him her pup was not named, "Pamela", but rather, "Donatella".  Hubby said he turned beet red and excused himself and continued walking.

He hasn't seen Donatella since that day; hope the owner doesn't think my hubby is nuts; because he isn't.  He just can't hear.
​


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## Gary O' (Sep 26, 2021)

@PamfromTx

Has he got one good ear, or one better than the other?

I've got one decent ear
Can't hear diddly squat with the right one, save that pesky ocean wave noise


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## PamfromTx (Sep 26, 2021)

Gary O' said:


> @PamfromTx
> 
> Has he got one good ear, or one better than the other?
> 
> ...


Both are troublesome, one more than the other.  He is reading my lips now... most of the time.    I guess, we will have to learn sign language since he refuses to wear a hearing aid.


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## Aunt Bea (Sep 27, 2021)

Have you tried texting?


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## senior chef (Sep 27, 2021)

I also have serious problems hearing. I only can understand what men with deep voices are saying.
I don't understand a single thing women say.

If I could make a suggestion ? 
If you got him a cell phone that translates speech into a printed text, he could use a phone like hearing people. In other words, you or anyone else could call him and he'd see your words as text.
Any deaf center could fix you right up.

I realize this is only a partial solution but it would make his, and your, life better.

PS: This service is free in some states.


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## Furryanimal (Sep 27, 2021)

Reminds me of my mother...she refused to have a hearing aid ‘because she didn’t want people to know she was deaf!’
We got there eventually but even then she would only wear one despite being told she needed to wear two...


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## Lee (Sep 27, 2021)

My grandmother refused to wear one, she would take it out, throw it on the floor and it would become a cat toy.

I cannot get hubby to even go get tested let alone wear one. He can hear the tv but it has to be loud. Loud enough for the neighbors to hear. Good thing he is not into dirty movies.....that would be embarrassing.


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## Murrmurr (Sep 27, 2021)

I'm where your husband's at. Michelle has asked me to get my hearing checked. I don't want to.
My argument?...Why can't everybody just speak up?

She's asked me to get my vision checked, too. Why can't they just make the words bigger?
There's nothing fine about fine print.


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## IrisSenior (Sep 27, 2021)

PamfromTx said:


> My husband needs a hearing aid and does not want to get his hearing checked.  I have tried to get him an appointment... to no avail.
> 
> He can't hear me and misunderstands me more often than not.
> 
> ...


Have you asked him why he doesn't want a hearing aid? I am trying to get my older son interested in getting one. It is a time-consuming process and there are many different audiologists out there and most push to have you buy from them. Cost is a big factor and there there hundreds of different types of programming for hearing aids and the added extras can make it a major purchase. Making an appointment with an audiologist is the first step. Someone needs to be with them every step of the way. BTW I did convince my younger son to get one (especially for his part time work) and he wears it when he goes.


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## IrisSenior (Sep 27, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> I'm where your husband's at. Michelle has asked me to get my hearing checked. I don't want to.
> My argument?...Why can't everybody just speak up?
> 
> She's asked me to get my vision checked, too. Why can't they just make the words bigger?
> There's nothing fine about fine print.


Ya sure, everyone can speak up but when it gets to the point that you need everything LOUD then it can be a problem. You are missing so much when you can't hear (in my experience) and the benefits outweigh all the times you missed things that people said. Sigh...I wish I had done something about my hearing a long, long time ago.


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## Alligatorob (Sep 27, 2021)

What??


Aunt Bea said:


> Have you tried texting?


My wife and I are texting each other more and more.  I tell her that my hearing isn't getting worse, but she, and a lot of people, are speaking more softly and less clearly than they used to!


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## Aunt Bea (Sep 27, 2021)

My hearing is still good but every once in a while I miss a word or misunderstand what someone says.  It usually sends my thoughts in an entirely different and inappropriate direction.

I would encourage anyone experiencing hearing or vision loss to have it checked.  Even if you choose to do nothing other than a little watchful waiting you will have an idea of the cause, treatment options, out of pocket costs, possible outcomes, etc...


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## Jackie23 (Sep 27, 2021)

I've lived in the "hard of hearing" group for many years....gone through several sets of hearing aids....bought the last two sets at Costco.....After much research I found this to be best place to purchase hearing aids.


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## mellowyellow (Sep 27, 2021)

I agree hearing aids look awful, it's sort of acknowledging that you are now officially "old."


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## Pecos (Sep 27, 2021)

Pam

Is your husband still working? I suspect that if he is, that will influence his decision. 

Good luck, I know several people who have a love/hatred relationship with their hearing aids.


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## Gary O' (Sep 27, 2021)

IrisSenior said:


> You are missing so much when you can't hear (in my experience) and the benefits outweigh all the times you missed things that people said.


The up side is *'missing'* things you don't care to hear.....
and there's a ton of that


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## Gary O' (Sep 27, 2021)

Heh, my grampa had a hearing aid
A line ran from his ear to this largish box on his belt
That feedback was irritating to everyone but him

The 50s were not so good in that respect


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## Pinky (Sep 27, 2021)

Pam, most hearing aids these days are practically invisible. I can't tell when my husband is wearing his. One can't tell if it's a hearing aid or for music these days.


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## Uptosnuff (Sep 27, 2021)

PamfromTx said:


> Both are troublesome, one more than the other.  He is reading my lips now... most of the time.    I guess, we will have to learn sign language since he refuses to wear a hearing aid.


Reading this has triggered an "aha" moment with me.  I have noticed that I can't hear people nearly as well when they are wearing a mask.  Even the paper kind.  Especially the younger people.  I wonder if I "read lips" when people speak and didn't even realize it.  I think looking at someone who is talking is a big help in "hearing" what they are saying.

I do not want an argument on masking.  I am just making an observation on my experience.  I wonder if this is the same with others?


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## SeaBreeze (Sep 27, 2021)

PamfromTx said:


> My husband needs a hearing aid and does not want to get his hearing checked.  I have tried to get him an appointment... to no avail.
> 
> He can't hear me and misunderstands me more often than not.
> 
> ...


I don't think you can force him into it Pam.  Donatella is a strange name to many seniors, so the owner probably didn't think he was nuts, maybe just a senior with hearing problems or a bad memory.

The bad thing is that his poor hearing may harm him or someone else someday, when what he hears may be important.  Doctor's instructions, emergency vehicle or train while driving, etc.  Good luck with him, maybe it will take some more embarrassing incidents for him to wake up and take action.


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## Sassycakes (Sep 27, 2021)

My husband has the same problem. Both his parents wore hearing aids. I even bought him a pair but he won't put them in his ears. He can't even hear someone sitting next to him.


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## PamfromTx (Sep 27, 2021)

Pecos said:


> Pam
> 
> Is your husband still working? I suspect that if he is, that will influence his decision.
> 
> Good luck, I know several people who have a love/hatred relationship with their hearing aids.


He retired in 2020.


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## PamfromTx (Sep 27, 2021)

SeaBreeze said:


> I don't think you can force him into it Pam.  Donatella is a strange name to many seniors, so the owner probably didn't think he was nuts, maybe just a senior with hearing problems or a bad memory.
> 
> The bad thing is that his poor hearing may harm him or someone else someday, when what he hears may be important.  Doctor's instructions, emergency vehicle or train while driving, etc.  Good luck with him, maybe it will take some more embarrassing incidents for him to wake up and take action.


I have discussed all that you mentioned to him.  Perhaps, he will succumb ... soon.


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## Ruth n Jersey (Sep 27, 2021)

I put off getting mine for several years but have never regretted finally buying them. My entire family had hearing problems and did nothing about it.  My dad would say he didn't want to go around with a button in his ear. 

In later years my mom and dad would sit in dead silence in a restaurant because they didn't want to yell in a public setting to be heard. 

My only problem is the price. 

I didn't get the best which allows for better hearing when with a large group of people. 
I will be going to a wedding this week and I know I'll never be able to figure out where the voices are coming from. Occasions like this don't come up very often so I didn't think it was worth the extra thousand for that feature.
I'm on my second set and next time I will really take the time to shop around only because of the price,  but I will never go without aids again.


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## Alligatorob (Sep 27, 2021)

Uptosnuff said:


> I have noticed that I can't hear people nearly as well when they are wearing a mask


I have the same problem, probably at least in part not being able to read the lips...


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## PamfromTx (Sep 27, 2021)

Thank you for 'listening', everyone.   Problem is, hubby is a very stubborn man.  He's a good husband, just stubborn when it comes to his health.  

p.s.  I hope to meet Donatella some day.


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## Murrmurr (Sep 27, 2021)

PamfromTx said:


> Thank you for 'listening', everyone.   Problem is, hubby is a very stubborn man.  He's a good husband, just stubborn when it comes to his health.
> 
> p.s.  I hope to meet Donatella some day.


Who names their dog Donatella anyway? Tell your husband he can just call her Donna.

From the perspective of a man who's reticent about both hearing and vision aids; the only time my eyesight really ticks me off is when I lose a card game because I couldn't tell a club from a spade or when I have to go looking for the little magnifying glass that one of my grandkids played with and then didn't put back in it's place (your husband's triggers may vary). 

Cupping my hand behind my ear doesn't cost a dime, doesn't require the inconvenience of an appointment with someone, and _should be_ a clue to all that they need to speak a bit louder and a lot more clearly.

I'll probly cave at some point, like when people speaking just a bit louder isn't enough, or when I get tired of missing the turn I was supposed to take because I couldn't read the name of the street until I got within 10 feet of it. But that could take a while.


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## IrisSenior (Sep 27, 2021)

Uptosnuff said:


> Reading this has triggered an "aha" moment with me.  I have noticed that I can't hear people nearly as well when they are wearing a mask.  Even the paper kind.  Especially the younger people.  I wonder if I "read lips" when people speak and didn't even realize it.  I think looking at someone who is talking is a big help in "hearing" what they are saying.
> 
> I do not want an argument on masking.  I am just making an observation on my experience.  I wonder if this is the same with others?


Yes I read lips too even though I have implants. The masks are really annoying and one instance was when my son (hearing impaired) was taking his written motorcycle license and they let me come in to help with hearing the teller (?)- just horrible, I had to ask her to repeat things several times and then we just ended up agreeing to everything she said. And, yes, your could have mild hearing loss.


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## Liberty (Sep 27, 2021)

PamfromTx said:


> Both are troublesome, one more than the other.  He is reading my lips now... most of the time.    I guess, we will have to learn sign language since he refuses to wear a hearing aid.


Try "NOT" calling him for dinner...lol.


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## Leonie (Sep 27, 2021)

Uptosnuff said:


> Reading this has triggered an "aha" moment with me.  I have noticed that I can't hear people nearly as well when they are wearing a mask.  Even the paper kind.  Especially the younger people.  I wonder if I "read lips" when people speak and didn't even realize it.  I think looking at someone who is talking is a big help in "hearing" what they are saying.
> 
> I do not want an argument on masking.  I am just making an observation on my experience.  I wonder if this is the same with others?


Yep, I have trouble too.  It's not just the 'reading lips' thing, although I'm pretty sure we all do that to some extent.  It is also the lack of facial expression.  We rely on that in face-to-face conversations as well.   We all knew that too, but I'm not sure I ever knew just how much we rely on it.


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## ManjaroKDE (Sep 27, 2021)

Read an article about hearing loss and depression. I was 73 when I got mine (3 years now).  Can't believe what I had been missing.  Yeah they are a little hard to adapt to but after 73 years I may have been a little set in my ways.  My son has told me time and time again how enjoyable it is now to be able to carry on a conversation.  I accused my wife of mumbling to spite me.  Thought it was heredity since my father was also hard of hearing.  Another BS example of gross misinformation that was bluntly pointed out by my audiologist.  He told me to quit believing everything I read on the web.


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## Gary O' (Sep 27, 2021)

Ruth n Jersey said:


> I will be going to a wedding this week and I know I'll never be able to figure out where the voices are coming from.


Yeah, that was me when living in the mountains
An odd sounding bird would make a noise, and I'd look for it in the opposite direction
My good, left ear, brings me the sound from my left, even though whatever is making the sound is on my right


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## senior chef (Sep 27, 2021)

What I don't understand about my hearing is this: Let's say I'm humming. I can hear it BUT if I stick my fingers deep in my ears, the humming sounds much, much louder.
Hmm. strange.


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## DaveA (Sep 28, 2021)

mellowyellow said:


> I agree hearing aids look awful, it's sort of acknowledging that you are now officially "old."


I'm 88, not wearing hearing aids (yet) but just one look at me and I think there are plenty of clues that my young and vigorous days are behind me.


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## Remy (Sep 28, 2021)

I want to be able to see and hear. That's why I had cataract surgery and wear glasses. If my hearing was going, I'd want help with that also. Keep working on him. He's not thinking how this affects you. And he needs to.


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## Jules (Sep 28, 2021)

SFFB (stolen from Facebook)


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## Don M. (Sep 28, 2021)

Maintaining the "Senses"... especially Sight and Hearing...are crucial for being able to "enjoy" the Golden Years, IMO.  There are many ways to help overcome problems with these abilities, and failing to do so just makes growing older that much more of a problem.


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## PamfromTx (Sep 28, 2021)

Remy said:


> I want to be able to see and hear. That's why I had cataract surgery and wear glasses. If my hearing was going, I'd want help with that also. Keep working on him. He's not thinking how this affects you. And he needs to.


You and Don M. made me tear up.  I'm married to a super duper stubborn man though.   Thank you for your inspiring words.


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## Dancing_Queen (Sep 28, 2021)

I'm going to be rotten here and don't expect you to do it.

Start ignoring him when he talks to you or start telling him you can't hear him and ask him to speak up... and up... and up...  Maybe you'll both just have to get your hearing tested at the same time.


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## fuzzybuddy (Oct 1, 2021)

I used to chuckle when my dad got a magnifying glass to read the paper. I had to get out mine, so I could read the printout for my new med. I'm 75, and I'm getting hard of hearing.  From my nursing days, people loose hearing first in the higher frequencies. like where most women's voices. are That's where I am now. The TV's a little loud. I can remember exasperating conversations with my mom, because she wouldn't use her hearing aids. I'm getting there.


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