# What school of thought are you in?



## debodun (Nov 6, 2017)

Say a woman with kids is divorced or widowed and re-marries. She wants her kids to keep their bio-dad's surname, but the new husband wants them to change to his.


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## RadishRose (Nov 6, 2017)

This should have all  been discussed and settled before the marriage!

It depends on the family and there are many variables. 

How do the children feel; are all the children on the same page?
How does the bio/dad feel?
Which dad will be supporting or help supporting them?
If they keep bio-dad's name, does the new stepfather threaten the marriage?

If the stepfather causes misery in the family or leaves over this, I say good riddance, but I know that's hard to do.


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## IKE (Nov 6, 2017)

Not sure if she legally had to have his permission or not but from what I understand my mom once ask my dad if he would allow her to change my last name to that of my stepdads and apparently my dad said, "hell no !".......from day one my stepdad and I never hit it off (to put it mildly) so I'm glad I was able to keep my dads  surname.


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## Aunt Bea (Nov 6, 2017)

IMO the names should be left as is unless the father was some sort of evil doer like John Wilkes Booth or Ted Bundy.


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## Lara (Nov 6, 2017)

I saw on the news that a baby was born this halloween so the mother named it Frankenstein (I think the middle name). Now that's an issue. 

But otherwise the children's  names should remain as is until the child is old enough to decide on whether or not they want it changed. Is your hypothetical scenario such that the bio-dad is still present in the children's lives or is he MIA? That might make a difference but maybe not.


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## Butterfly (Nov 9, 2017)

I don't think the children's surnames should change unless the stepfather legally adopts them and that would take either the bio-father's agreement or the court's terminating his parental rights for cause.  I'm even doubtful that minor children's names could be legally changed without bio-dad's approval, anyway.  Would depend on the state, of course, but I seriously doubt you could do it here.


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## Pappy (Nov 9, 2017)

I did want my name to be the same as my step-Dad. I was only eight but felt it was something I wanted and needed to do. As I look back and found out my real dad was quite hurt when I did this, I don’t think I would have done it. Big difference between an eight year old mind and an eighty year old mind.


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## nvtribefan (Nov 9, 2017)

I'm of the school that believes it's their business.

If she gave her kids her surname, there's never an issue.


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