# Problems With Communal Living



## Lavinia (Dec 17, 2022)

I am currently living in a complex of just 4 flats and I honestly think I'm the only one who is sane. I take responsibility for the rubbish and re-cycling bins, because I took over from a previous tenant and no-one else has volunteered. No problem in itself but some folks don't seem to understand the concept of re-cycling. 

A bin marked 'paper and cardboard' would appear to be self-explanatory so why does the old dear below me put all sorts of waste in there? I then have the task of dealing with it. I know she has a lot on her plate right now, so I'm trying not to shout at her about it, but it's so frustrating!

The building has fire doors and security doors but people keep leaving them open.

I've just gone to check on my post and someone has spilled a carton of cream on the stairs and just left the mess for someone else to clean up. I've compromised by putting newspaper on it to soak it up. I'll wait to see whether the culprit finishes the job.
Rant over.


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## Shalimar (Dec 17, 2022)

Lavinia said:


> I am currently living in a complex of just 4 flats and I honestly think I'm the only one who is sane. I take responsibility for the rubbish and re-cycling bins, because I took over from a previous tenant and no-one else has volunteered. No problem in itself but some folks don't seem to understand the concept of re-cycling. A bin marked 'paper and cardboard' would appear to be self-explanatory so why does the old dear below me put all sorts of waste in there? I then have the task of dealing with it. I know she has a lot on her plate right now, so I'm trying not to shout at her about it, but it's so frustrating!
> The building has fire doors and security doors but people keep leaving them open.
> I've just gone to check on my post and someone has spilled a carton of cream on the stairs and just left the mess for someone else to clean up. I've compromised by putting newspaper on it to soak it up. I'll wait to see whether the culprit finishes the job.
> Rant over.


Is it possible some of the residents may have cognitive impairment?


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## 1955 (Dec 17, 2022)

These issues always arise when multiple people are involved. Just the nature of the beast. The worst is they are perfectly happy letting you assume the responsibility! It’s a hard one to deal with especially if your nature is to be considerate/responsible.


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## hollydolly (Dec 17, 2022)

This is what's putting me off moving to a flat..

I've considered it  back and forth, wondering if it would  make my life easier as I get older to move into a flat.. and situations like this, and others with regard to noise etc.. just makes me think I'd be making my life less comfortable and not _More.. _


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## Pepper (Dec 17, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> This is what's putting me off moving to a flat..
> 
> I've considered it  back and forth, wondering if it would  make my life easier as I get older to move into a flat.. and situations like this, and others with regard to noise etc.. just makes me think I'd be making my life less comfortable and not _More.. _


Please wait before making life altering decisions.  I learned the hard way after my husband died to take it slow.  I took it fast, it made it all worse.

Please take your time.


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## hollydolly (Dec 17, 2022)

Pepper said:


> Please wait before making life altering decisions.  I learned the hard way after my husband died to take it slow.  I took it fast, it made it all worse.
> 
> Please take your time.


I understand Pepper, and I take your point ...   however I've been thinking of moving to another area...really anxious to do this tbh.. .. and if I do it will be my last move and I have to decide whether I'll move to a house or a flat... . As I age the gardens and maintenance of this house is going to be beyond me.. currently I'm trying to deal with a Leaking Barn.. and it's concerning me greatly because I literally have thousands of pounds of equipment in there which is likely to get badly damaged when the Big Thaw comes tomorrow... and as I age things will get harder to deal with..


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## timoc (Dec 17, 2022)

I don't think that that style of living would appeal to me, I like to walk around my place in the nude, farting as I move about, singing (of a fashion) at the top of my voice, then stopping to gorge on ice cream. 
I do all of those things in the winter too, but then I leave my clothes on.


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## charry (Dec 17, 2022)

oh no....i could never live in a flat surrounded by dirty lazy people 
its bad enough thinking about noise coming from the side and top.....

ive always lived in detached properties  but i wouldnt mind a ground floor garden flat....
because. there would be an outside wall, then a stairwell wall...so you would only have to worry about the ceiling 
my friend lives in a 4 flat house, and they take it in turns to clean the stairs, bins etc etc


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## charry (Dec 17, 2022)

timoc said:


> I don't think that that style of living would appeal to me, I like to walk around my place in the nude, farting as I move about, singing (of a fashion) at the top of my voice, then stopping to gorge on ice cream.
> I do all of those things in the winter but then I leave my clothes on.



LOL LOL  OH you little Hussey Timoc LOL


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## Georgiagranny (Dec 17, 2022)

Pepper said:


> Please wait before making life altering decisions.  I learned the hard way after my husband died to take it slow.  I took it fast, it made it all worse.
> 
> Please take your time.


Ditto! No need to hurry into a decision. It took me _years_ to accept the decision I'd made in a hurry. I might still have come here but spent a lot of time second-guessing myself and being unhappy and uncomfortable.


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## Jules (Dec 17, 2022)

That’s why I like living in a community with rules.  There’s a paid manager to be the boss.  Lots of people complain about HOAs; I appreciate them.


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## hollydolly (Dec 17, 2022)

Jules said:


> That’s why I like living in a community with rules.  There’s a paid manager to be the boss.  Lots of people complain about HOAs; I appreciate them.


we don't generally have HOA's here altho' they're common in Spain.... where the ''Management '' is called El Presidente'' ...and some of them are little Hitlers ..


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## Kika (Dec 17, 2022)

I sold my house almost 20 yrs ago and came to an apartment.  It was not a bad decision at all for me.  I really thought this would be my last move, and I am very happy here.

I am moving again soon to northeast Pennsylvania to be close to my son and his family.  The apartment there is actually the same layout as I have here, but with an additional bedroom and bathroom for guests.  Hopefully, this will be my last move.

I'm not understanding how tenants in an apartment (or flat) are responsible for cleaning the common areas and trash management.  Can someone explain that?


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## Raddragn (Dec 17, 2022)

I've always tended to be an independent loner and do not think I would do well in a communal setting. Fortunately I have my own paid off home and have family living with me who do many of the upkeep chores.  It works well for all of us.


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## Packerjohn (Dec 17, 2022)

Hey!  Maybe living alone, like I do, isn't as bad as I thought it is?  Sorry for your troubles.  You folks better call a meeting and have a serious discussion regarding the various problems.


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## hollydolly (Dec 17, 2022)

Raddragn said:


> I've always tended to be an independent loner and do not think I would do well in a communal setting. Fortunately I have my own paid off home and have family living with me who do many of the upkeep chores.  It works well for all of us.


 Not meaning to be rude... but isn't that  kind of contradictory to say you've always been an independent loner.. but that you have family living with you.. Isn't that communal living ?


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## hollydolly (Dec 17, 2022)

Packerjohn said:


> Hey!  Maybe living alone, like I do, isn't as bad as I thought it is?  Sorry for your troubles.  You folks better call a meeting and have a serious discussion regarding the various problems.


Lavinia also lives alone.... that's what's annoying for her, that she lives in a 4 apartment block.. and she's the only one who seems to care about the upkeep and appearance of the communal areas..


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## NorthernLight (Dec 17, 2022)

Unfortunately, meetings don't always work. People lie, minimize problems, and insult one another's mental health.

Maybe one-on-one conversations would be better? Appealing to each individual's better nature, reminding them that you all care about the building, and you're looking after the garbage for free, etc.

I don't really have an answer. I lived in a guesthouse/hostel, which was mostly fine. Until it wasn't. That's why I moved to the back of beyond and rented my own apartment. My neighbors are all angels, thank goodness.

Only one problem, which was also (coincidentally?) garbage related. A homeowner neighbor had permission to use the building's dumpster. In the fall she was filling it up with tree branches from pruning, bulky waste from renovations, etc. There wasn't room for the tenants' garbage, and the lid wouldn't close. I wrote to the building manager, and she simply denied that the neighbor was doing this. "She hardly uses it. It must be unauthorized outsiders."

Sometimes you just can't win. I'm sorry this is happening to you!


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## Raddragn (Dec 17, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> They, to, are independent, though a bit more gregarious than INot meaning to be rude... but isn't that  kind of contradictory to say you've always been an independent loner.. but that you have family living with you.. Isn't that communal living ?


To some that may be true; however, it is my house and I have the last word - if I want it!. One can be both a loner - and - independent,- and still, at least, tolerate the presence of other people - especially if they are family you love and who have most of the same ethos They, too, are independent, though a bit more gregarious than I. Like everything else those two characteristics are not static - they are variable in degree. As for independence, that actually is not specific to the presence of other people. To me, it means thinking for myself - not relying on others to do it for me and,  even at 86, I'm thankfully able to still do so.


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## Trish (Dec 17, 2022)

Wherever you live, you have to do your homework because nuisance neighbours can really make your life a nightmare regardless of whether you live in a flat or a house.  A friend of mine lived in a detached house but her garage was attached to next door's garage and there was a gravel driveway share by both houses - that little bit of driveway caused so many problems with the neighbours that she sold up and moved just to get away from them.  

I thought all flats had a caretaker or management company who took care of bins, recyling, cleaning communal areas and communal gardens?


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## Mr. Ed (Dec 17, 2022)

Nothing witty here


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## Lavinia (Dec 17, 2022)

Shalimar said:


> Is it possible some of the residents may have cognitive impairment?


Yes, I think the woman downstairs is a bit mentally challenged, and I know she has health and family problems. The young man below is paranoid schizophrenic and the other man has emotional problems. As I said, I'm the only one who is sane!


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## Gary O' (Dec 17, 2022)

Problems With Communal Living​
I can in no way live in an apartment
I'm like a caged lion


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## Lavinia (Dec 17, 2022)

Gary O' said:


> Problems With Communal Living​
> I can in no way live in an apartment
> I'm like a caged lion


For a lone woman, there is a bit more security in a complex. Having said that, it does depend on everyone being aware of the dangers of not being careful. Plus you do need to trust your fellow tenants.


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## Blessed (Dec 18, 2022)

Lavinia said:


> For a lone woman, there is a bit more security in a complex. Having said that, it does depend on everyone being aware of the dangers of not being careful. Plus you do need to trust your fellow tenants.


That is something I always think about.  I am still in my own freestanding home.  I have good neighbors all around. Most are retired like me.  We look after one another and our property.  I know at some point I might need to make a change.  What I don't know is how others in an apartment complex look after each other.  I did have a family member in a senior complex, they looked after one another. Are they all like that?  I think I would feel so much more vulnerable in an apartment complex than my home.


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## Wren (Dec 18, 2022)

Called ‘Sheltered Housing’ here, it dosn’t necessarily have to be an apartment block, many offer bungalows in the grounds, especially built and designed for older people or people with disabilities

With a manager on call 24 hours a day for emergencies, Sheltered Housing offers security (especially for those who live alone) while retaining independence. 

Social activities are on offer for those who are interested, a communal lounge, dining room (again, your own choice if you prefer not to cook) 

I worked at one of these places for 10 years before I retired and have no qualms about moving into one when the time is right


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## hollydolly (Dec 18, 2022)

Lavinia said:


> For a lone woman, there is a bit more security in a complex. Having said that, it does depend on everyone being aware of the dangers of not being careful. Plus you do need to trust your fellow tenants.


well..living cheek by jowl with a paranoid Schizophrenic doesn't sound very safe and secure....all 3 of your fellow tenants with serious mental problems.. not that they can help it but it's not something that would cause one to feel secure...

However that said.. if they all have serious issues.. why cry over spilled cream.. sorry...couldn't resist...


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## Liberty (Dec 18, 2022)

Think you should talk to the owners of your "4 plex" and get a rent deduction for being their "super".


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## charry (Dec 18, 2022)

Trish said:


> Wherever you live, you have to do your homework because nuisance neighbours can really make your life a nightmare regardless of whether you live in a flat or a house.  A friend of mine lived in a detached house but her garage was attached to next door's garage and there was a gravel driveway share by both houses - that little bit of driveway caused so many problems with the neighbours that she sold up and moved just to get away from them.
> 
> I thought all flats had a caretaker or management company who took care of bins, recyling, cleaning communal areas and communal gardens?


so  true trish....its not the properties you live in....its the neighbours ...


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## NorthernLight (Dec 18, 2022)

Maybe take a helpful stance. Ask (in a nonblaming way) if it's their ice cream on the stairs or their garbage in the recycling. Ask how you can help. Offer to lend cleaning supplies, or ask if it would be helpful to put reminders on the bins. Offer to clean up the mess or help them sort their waste.

They might say, "Thanks, I can take care of it," and then take care of it. But of course you never know.

I lived in a city that used different bags for different kinds of waste. I knew someone who would wrap garbage in newspaper and put it in the bag with the paper. Why? So he wouldn't have to spend 25 cents on a separate bag. Some people are unbelievable.


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## Teacher Terry (Dec 18, 2022)

*Some people said to wait a year or two after the divorce before buying a condo but rents were high, interest rates low and I knew prices would rise. So we sold the house and I bought my condo immediately. I am so happy that I did. 

We have 2 buildings of 75 each. We have maintenance, groundskeeping and janitorial services. I feel so much safer in a secure building than a home. *


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## Jules (Dec 18, 2022)

I know I will do as you did, @Teacher Terry.  I don’t want the work of maintaining a home, even though it’s small.  Things will only become more difficult as I age.  I won’t wait a year; there’s nothing that holds me in this location.  My biggest decision will be the city to live in.


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## Lavinia (Dec 18, 2022)

Blessed said:


> That is something I always think about.  I am still in my own freestanding home.  I have good neighbors all around. Most are retired like me.  We look after one another and our property.  I know at some point I might need to make a change.  What I don't know is how others in an apartment complex look after each other.  I did have a family member in a senior complex, they looked after one another. Are they all like that?  I think I would feel so much more vulnerable in an apartment complex than my home.


Some of these communities have a warden taking care of things. I was in one of those for a few months but it was too communal for me. Most of the residents didn't go out much and had little to occupy them, so they wanted to know everyone's business. I found it suffocating. Here, each tenant lives their own life and we have little to do with each other. I hear everyone but I don't often actually see anyone.


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## Blessed (Dec 18, 2022)

Lavinia said:


> Some of these communities have a warden taking care of things. I was in one of those for a few months but it was too communal for me. Most of the residents didn't go out much and had little to occupy them, so they wanted to know everyone's business. I found it suffocating. Here, each tenant lives their own life and we have little to do with each other. I hear everyone but I don't often actually see anyone.


Thanks for your reply.  I do not want anyone up in my business but I would like to make friends with my neighbors just as I have done in my house.  It would make me feel better, more safe knowing we looked out for one another. I like you would not appreciate disruptions in my everyday life but I would be willing to visit with neighbors in a common room if available.


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## Teacher Terry (Dec 18, 2022)

_Senior buildings tend to be more nosy than living in a building with all ages. _


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## Lavinia (Dec 20, 2022)

hollydolly said:


> well..living cheek by jowl with a paranoid Schizophrenic doesn't sound very safe and secure....all 3 of your fellow tenants with serious mental problems.. not that they can help it but it's not something that would cause one to feel secure...
> 
> However that said.. if they all have serious issues.. why cry over spilled cream.. sorry...couldn't resist...


Funnily enough, my daughter works with people with problems like this....'Care in the Community'. However, she is trained and gets paid for what she does. It is becoming clear to me just what has happened here, (or what makes sense). The housing assoc. have been asked to find quiet accommodation for people with mental problems. They have been placed here because I and the previous tenant, were known to be decent, rational people. They really need to be in a hostel with a warden experienced with people like this.


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## hollydolly (Dec 20, 2022)

Lavinia said:


> Funnily enough, my daughter works with people with problems like this....'Care in the Community'. However, she is trained and gets paid for what she does. It is becoming clear to me just what has happened here, (or what makes sense). The housing assoc. have been asked to find quiet accommodation for people with mental problems. *They have been placed here because I and the previous tenant, were known to be decent, rational people. They really need to be in a hostel with a warden experienced with people like this.*


couldn't agree more. ..


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## katlupe (Dec 20, 2022)

Regardless of what type of apartment building you live in, you always have neighbors to deal with. Sometimes it is good and sometimes not so good. Last year we went through a period with a manager and two other tenants who banded together against some of us. Made a couple of my friends' life horrible who were also going through serious health problems and did not need the stress. I made some calls and found it was elderly abuse. Not too long after my call to the office of the aging, the manager was immediately fired. Now the other two tenants have both moved out. Life is good here again.

This building is for seniors and/or disabled. Some people bond and become good friends. I have found that those friendships can become closer than family. In times of need, those friends are there for you. My building is not noisy or dirty. It is in the center of downtown and close to everything so I didn't even need a car. Judging all buildings by one is not a true assessment. Like I just said, at one time it could be a great place to live due to the manager and maintenance man and other tenants. Then another time, with different people in place it could be horrible. If you want to be alone all the time, it is your choice. If you get lonely, just knock on your friend's/neighbor's door. Some of my friends here have been here for over thirty years.


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## Remy (Dec 29, 2022)

I know, people so close is one of the things that stopped me from buying a condo. I was afraid of what I could get for a neighbor. I agree, and I don't get people. I see this at work also. People throw trash when there is a trash can by the front and back doors. I know some things can fly out of the dumpster when it's emptied. But I have picked up plenty of garbage where I feed the feral cats. Including two small alcohol bottles. Homeless or employees? I can only guess. 

It's one of the reasons I wanted the relative security of an all adult mobile park but with the way things are going, I may have to consider an all ages park.


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## Remy (Dec 29, 2022)

Trish said:


> Wherever you live, you have to do your homework because nuisance neighbours can really make your life a nightmare regardless of whether you live in a flat or a house.  A friend of mine lived in a detached house but her garage was attached to next door's garage and there was a gravel driveway share by both houses - that little bit of driveway caused so many problems with the neighbours that she sold up and moved just to get away from them.
> 
> I thought all flats had a caretaker or management company who took care of bins, recyling, cleaning communal areas and communal gardens?


Do I know this. That house I bought in 2001 was in a "desirable" neighborhood. Didn't mention I'd have neighbors putting their stereo in the backyard from 10-10 for every half baked holiday or loud surround sound TV I could hear. Or a harasser behind me. If I had been able to feel secure and keep that house, I could have paid it off by now. But I sold, I didn't feel safe. It was also in a mandatory evacuation due to a fire a couple of years ago. Didn't burn but it may some day.


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## Remy (Dec 29, 2022)

katlupe said:


> Regardless of what type of apartment building you live in, you always have neighbors to deal with. Sometimes it is good and sometimes not so good. Last year we went through a period with a manager and two other tenants who banded together against some of us. Made a couple of my friends' life horrible who were also going through serious health problems and did not need the stress. I made some calls and found it was elderly abuse. Not too long after my call to the office of the aging, the manager was immediately fired. Now the other two tenants have both moved out. Life is good here again.
> 
> This building is for seniors and/or disabled. Some people bond and become good friends. I have found that those friendships can become closer than family. In times of need, those friends are there for you. My building is not noisy or dirty. It is in the center of downtown and close to everything so I didn't even need a car. Judging all buildings by one is not a true assessment. Like I just said, at one time it could be a great place to live due to the manager and maintenance man and other tenants. Then another time, with different people in place it could be horrible. If you want to be alone all the time, it is your choice. If you get lonely, just knock on your friend's/neighbor's door. Some of my friends here have been here for over thirty years.


That's great to hear. But what a horrible ordeal for the people who were harassed. I think elder abuse starts at age 65 if I'm correct. Perhaps someday, if I'm harassed or abused I can claim that. I sure know child abuse and the ages in between mean nothing. 

I'm so glad that POS was fired!


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