# What's the best way to get a man to like you at age 53



## Nicole Caghs (Sep 17, 2020)

*I ask because I'm losing it my husband died 13 years ago and ever since I haven't seen a man talk to me
why? *


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## Rosemarie (Sep 17, 2020)

Men love to talk about themselves....so when you meet a man who interests you, ask him about himself. One thing you shouldn't do is put on an act. You won't be able to sustain it and you'll be caught out as a fraud.


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## old medic (Sep 17, 2020)

Any man or you have someone in mind? 
If your trying to just meet someone, go hang out at places you like, or doing things you enjoy. 
The men you will meet already will have something in common,
Be yourself, but you will need to be a little forward... you cant hide in a corner and expect them to find you.
Good luck and welcome to the forum


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## Gary O' (Sep 17, 2020)

Nicole Caghs said:


> ask because I'm losing it my husband died 13 years ago and ever since I haven't seen a man talk to me
> why?



Need more info;

The reason I request this, is
I've got this friend
He lost his wife a couple years ago
Hungarian fellow
Pretty well mannered
But a little rough
He lives in an off grid cabin in southern Oregon

Anyway, he's not on the prowl or anything, but he'd * 'like to have some contact with something soft......soon'*
Guess bears and cougars ain't cuttin' it

What region of this planet do you call home?

He's willing to travel

Do you cook?

Do you have pictures?
.......of yer cookware?


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## bingo (Sep 17, 2020)

same way as thru the centuries....


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## Mr. Ed (Sep 17, 2020)

There is this whole law of attraction that happens as we live our lives. Can't explain it except people are naturally drawn to each other including predators so be weary.

 A close friend of mine met a guy in church and shortly thereafter got married. He complained to church elders she wasn't a good and faithful because he didn't have access to her bank account. To make a long story short the stole more than $30,000 from her account and put into his son's account so the money could not be traced. 

Some guys troll for certain types of women to take advantage of. Not all men are that way, some are lonely and would like to be in a relationship. 

The world doesn't change except for the situations and circumstances in which we are a part of.


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## fmdog44 (Sep 17, 2020)

I wonder what percentage of marrieds that lose a spouse aft 20-25 years of marriage have the desire to remarry.


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## Aunt Bea (Sep 17, 2020)

Good luck!


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## bowmore (Sep 17, 2020)

fmdog44 said:


> I wonder what percentage of marrieds that lose a spouse aft 20-25 years of marriage have the desire to remarry.


We did. I was married for 30 years and my wife was married for 44 years.  We have been married for 12+ years.


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## mike4lorie (Sep 17, 2020)

I think the best way you will meet somebody to hang out with, become friends, and maybe more one day down the road... But as someone says, start hanging out the places you like... See a guy who may be interesting... go and start up a conversation... YOU just might meet someone you like... Basically the same thing YOU did when YOU were 20... But may have to try a little harder nowadays...


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## Nathan (Sep 17, 2020)

Nicole Caghs said:


> What's the best way to get a man to like you at age 53
> I ask because I'm losing it my husband died 13 years ago and ever since I haven't seen a man talk to me
> why?



I was going to say "enjoy your freedom", but I noticed that you're still pretty young, at 53...
In the 13 years you've been alone, have you come to appreciate having total control over your life?   When I was single for a prolonged time(7 years)after my divorce, I learned to enjoy my own company.  Even now, 'tho I've been remarried for 18 years, I enjoy my "me" time, and consider my own view and thoughts to be _near & dear._
But, if you think you are ready for a relationship, there are plenty of avenues through which to meet and eventually date someone.  Parents Without Partners is a good source to meet mature singles. Of course there are online dating services, I know nothing about them, but if you Google "online dating mature" or something I'm sure you'll find a bunch of sites.


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## JustBonee (Sep 17, 2020)

Nicole Caghs said:


> *I ask because I'm losing it my husband died 13 years ago and ever since I haven't seen a man talk to me
> why? *



Why not say "Hello" ... to us!  ....    and introduce yourself.     Could be your  problem with dealing with people.


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## Lizzie00 (Sep 17, 2020)

Gary O' said:


> Need more info;
> 
> The reason I request this, is
> I've got this friend
> ...


Might be simpler to just buy your buddy a bag of bell peppers?


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## Jules (Sep 17, 2020)

Bonnie said:


> Why not say "Hello" ... to us!  ....    and introduce yourself.     Could be your  problem with dealing with people.



This is similar to what I was thinking.  It might seem obvious that you are only concerned about forever. Be a friend first.


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## Keesha (Sep 17, 2020)

No idea.


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## Gary O' (Sep 17, 2020)

Lizzie00 said:


> Might be simpler to just buy your buddy a bag of bell peppers?


Now, *THAT'S* funny (good'n, Lizzie)


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## JustBonee (Sep 18, 2020)

Jules said:


> This is similar to what I was thinking.  It might seem obvious that you are only concerned about forever. Be a friend first.




People sign on to the forum,  say something to get a response ... then disappear.


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## Pepper (Sep 18, 2020)

Bonnie said:


> People sign on to the forum,  say something to get a response ... then disappear.


And have names like Nicholas Cage.


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## StarSong (Sep 18, 2020)

My first thought - this is sure an odd opening gambit.  Wonder what her agenda is.


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## Aunt Marg (Sep 18, 2020)

Nicole Caghs said:


> *I ask because I'm losing it my husband died 13 years ago and ever since I haven't seen a man talk to me
> why? *


Best way to get a man to like you at 53? Flip the numbers around! Go-go 35!


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## OneEyedDiva (Sep 19, 2020)

Men seem to be able to spot desperate women and tend to either stay away from them or find ways to take advantage of them. Relax and be you. Be open and friendly but careful not to be too open. If you have to change who you are to get a man to be interested enough to talk to you...then either you have a people problem or he isn't worth your time.


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## Gaer (Sep 19, 2020)

Put your picture on here and tell us about you!  Yes, RIGHT ON THIS THREAD! You're only 53?  That's just a baby!
Some of us have children your age, SINGLE children! 
Maybe we can help you find someone! 
Tell us your description of exactly what you want in a man!  Maybe we know someone perfect for you!

I'm in my 70's and men come up to me all the time and say hello.  I was shocked the first time this happened.  I said, "Oh!  You can SEE me?"
He laughed and that's it!  Start of a conversation!  
Any wonderful thing can happen at any moment.  Be open to anything and have an air of expectancy.  Oh! and smile!


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## 911 (Sep 19, 2020)

This thread reminds me of another Trooper who lost his wife to cancer. He was maybe 50 y/o. Whenever he would meet a woman and get to talking for awhile, they eventually would get around to what they did for a living.

He came to work one day and told us that he met a very beautiful woman that was built nice and dressed nice. When he told her that he was a State Trooper, she laughed at him. He asked her why was she laughing. She said to him, “Do you know how many times that I have heard that line? It seems that every man that I meet is either a state cop, FBI agent, CIA agent or an astronaut.”

Who would admit to being a state cop?


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## JustBonee (Sep 19, 2020)

Aunt Marg said:


> In Italian accent... "you talkin' bout me, Nikki"?



Is there a full moon tonight?


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## Ruthanne (Sep 19, 2020)

When you meet a man who appeals to you just say hello and give a little smile, if he's one you'd be interested in.  Just be yourself as I'm sure you have many fine qualities.


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## Aunt Marg (Sep 19, 2020)

Bonnie said:


> Is there a full moon tonight?


Posted on wrong thread! ROFLMAO!


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## grahamg (Sep 19, 2020)

I once knew a lady who seemed to have a good insight into the way men dealt with rejection, and the breakdown of a relationship, compared to women, (I think she was an American called Georgina, or born there, but had lived in the UK for many years).

She said women were more likely to confide in their friends their feeling after the breakup, and seek support that way, so were often better able to come through it, than the men who didn't seem to have that outlet, or "the need to be macho, or look that way, meant they felt uneasy about revealing their hurt." 

So she thought it took longer for men to start the process of recovering, perhaps over a year, I think she said, (funnily enough other women in the group of singles took a dislike to this woman, but I thought she was basically okay, - not sure if that's relevant though?).

My point therefore is the woman in the OP may be finding men hard to connect with to some extent because so many are "once bitten, twice shy" !


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## Lakeland living (Sep 20, 2020)

Ruthanne said:


> When you meet a man who appeals to you just say hello and give a little smile, if he's one you'd be interested in.  Just be yourself as I'm sure you have many fine qualities.


  Hello works just fine up this way. I will side with Ruthanne on this one.


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## Gary O' (Sep 20, 2020)

fmdog44 said:


> I wonder what percentage of marrieds that lose a spouse aft 20-25 years of marriage have the desire to remarry.


Good question, fm
I wouldn't
For me, after having the best, for over 51 years, it just wouldn't be fair, to either party
No
But, from time to time, I *WOULD *frolic
Oh yeaaaah


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## Aunt Bea (Sep 20, 2020)

Time to start training for Sadie Hawkins Day Friday, November 13, 2020.


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## Lakeland living (Sep 20, 2020)

Gary O' said:


> Good question, fm
> I wouldn't
> For me, after having the best, for over 51 years, it just wouldn't be fair, to either party
> No
> ...


Two    on the frolic. Things still being human and so on.


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## dobielvr (Sep 20, 2020)

Gary O' said:


> Need more info;
> 
> The reason I request this, is
> I've got this friend
> ...



How old is he?  
Asking for a friend lol


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## Lakeland living (Sep 20, 2020)

OH NO!!   A friend asking for a friend....RUN!!!!


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## fmdog44 (Sep 20, 2020)

About 10 years after my dad lost my mother he remarried and never said  he loved his new wife. He often said she was "a good wife." He summed it up sadly with a Christmas present one year that I visited them. It was $500  cash. I sank when I saw her open it. He and I shopped for a gift for here but he never bought anything but I never thought he would do that.


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## Phoenix (Sep 20, 2020)

One of the things to do is to start up miscellaneous conversations with people in the grocery store or waiting in line, being careful to maintain social distancing.  This would be a good place to practice.  You could start out with whomever happens to be there and say something about how much candy bars cost these days or some such nonsense thing.  My dad could start up a conversation about fishing or hunting with whomever happened to be around, even if they weren't into fishing or hunting.  

If I was alone and was looking for companionship I'd volunteer at an animal shelter or and old folks home.  In the old folks home people come in to visit their parents.  Since you are 53, you might meet someone's kid who is perfect.  This part should probably wait until after the vaccine is available.


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## Pepper (Sep 20, 2020)

fmdog44 said:


> About 10 years after my dad lost my mother he remarried and never said  he loved his new wife. He often said she was "a good wife." He summed it up sadly with a Christmas present one year that I visited them. It was $500  cash. I sank when I saw her open it. He and I shopped for a gift for here but he never bought anything but I never thought he would do that.


I don't understand your story.  Please, what was wrong about gifting her money - $500?


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## Phoenix (Sep 20, 2020)

Pepper said:


> I don't understand your story.  Please, what was wrong about gifting her money - $500?


Money isn't personal.  It can be nice to know someone selected a gift just for you.  Now, if she'd been wanting something and didn't have the money to buy it, then getting the money is okay, but it would be better if he knew what it was and got it for her.  It depends on the person.


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## hellomimi (Sep 20, 2020)

When a man asks me, "What are you looking for in a man?

Me: I'm looking for one who talks/acts like his everyday self that I can observe and decide if we're a good match.


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## hellomimi (Sep 20, 2020)

Gary O' said:


> Need more info;
> 
> The reason I request this, is
> I've got this friend
> ...


Got his picture? How old is he?
Yes, I got current pics, will be 3 scores in 5 months. No joke.

Asking for myself...LMAO


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## Knight (Sep 20, 2020)

Nicole Caghs said:


> *I ask because I'm losing it my husband died 13 years ago and ever since I haven't seen a man talk to me
> why? *


You aren't locked up in an all female prison are you? That could account for you asking Why?


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## Gary O' (Sep 20, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> Got his picture? How old is he?
> Yes, I got current pics, will be 3 scores in 5 months. No joke.
> 
> Asking for myself...LMAO



Well, he made me swear not to post his pic anywhere, but that's back when he wasn't looking for companionship.

Soooooooooo;

Heeeeere's Alex!


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## hellomimi (Sep 20, 2020)

Oh me, oh My! For whatever reasons, I was hoping he'd be a clean shaven gentleman. Maybe he'll be somebody else's type.

Next time you know @Gary O'


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## Gary O' (Sep 20, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> Got his picture? How old is he?


He's three score and three

Here's the inside of his trapper's cabin;







Quite the guy
plain and simple
No BS

I consider him a friend 


Ain't much, but, as he says, he* 'don't need much'*
Cooks up one helluva goulash on his tiny wood stove


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## Gary O' (Sep 20, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> Oh me, oh My! For whatever reasons, I was hoping he'd be a clean shaven gentleman.


Not too many of those living out that way.


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## Phoenix (Sep 20, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> Oh me, oh My! For whatever reasons, I was hoping he'd be a clean shaven gentleman. Maybe he'll be somebody else's type.
> 
> Next time you know @Gary O'


Beards don't give you whisker burn.  They are good things.


Gary O' said:


> He's three score and three
> 
> Here's the inside of his trapper's cabin;
> 
> ...


I'm sure there's a lady out there perfect for him.


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## Gary O' (Sep 20, 2020)

Phoenix said:


> I'm sure there's a lady out there perfect for him.


Oh, he's got one he's getting acquainted with, but, since he's a friend, I thought I'd show him off


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## Gary O' (Sep 20, 2020)

Phoenix said:


> Beards don't give you whisker burn. They are good things.



Yes

yes they are


Never had a complaint in that dept


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## hellomimi (Sep 20, 2020)

Phoenix said:


> Beards don't give you whisker burn.  They are good things.


I know, it's just that I'm drawn to men who are tall (everyone's taller tha me..hehe) and lanky like Josh Lucas


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## win231 (Sep 20, 2020)

911 said:


> This thread reminds me of another Trooper who lost his wife to cancer. He was maybe 50 y/o. Whenever he would meet a woman and get to talking for awhile, they eventually would get around to what they did for a living.
> 
> He came to work one day and told us that he met a very beautiful woman that was built nice and dressed nice. When he told her that he was a State Trooper, she laughed at him. He asked her why was she laughing. She said to him, “Do you know how many times that I have heard that line? It seems that every man that I meet is either a state cop, FBI agent, CIA agent or an astronaut.”
> 
> Who would admit to being a state cop?


I've chatted with a few women who are turned on by a man in uniform.


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## hellomimi (Sep 20, 2020)

mike4lorie said:


> I think the best way you will meet somebody to hang out with, become friends, and maybe more one day down the road... But as someone says, start hanging out the places you like... See a guy who may be interesting... go and start up a conversation... YOU just might meet someone you like... Basically the same thing YOU did when YOU were 20... But may have to try a little harder nowadays...


Yes, meeting people pre covid was challenging enough but now, even most meet-up groups have moved to virtual get together. 

However,  there's still that chance, though slim, that two lonely people will meet and bond. Falling in love is exhilarating at any age


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## Ruthanne (Sep 20, 2020)

Gary O' said:


> He's three score and three
> 
> Here's the inside of his trapper's cabin;
> 
> ...


Where is this guy? he doesn't look too bad to me


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## hellomimi (Sep 20, 2020)

Ruthanne said:


> Where is this guy? he doesn't look too bad to me


There ya go @Gary O'....let the ball start rolling!


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## win231 (Sep 20, 2020)

Gary O' said:


> He's three score and three
> 
> Here's the inside of his trapper's cabin;
> 
> ...


What?  No DVD, CD, player, central air or jacuzzi?


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## Gary O' (Sep 21, 2020)

win231 said:


> What? No DVD, CD, player, central air or jacuzzi?


Heh
Not even a generator 
Truly off grid


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## Gary O' (Sep 21, 2020)

Ruthanne said:


> Where is this guy? he doesn't look too bad to me


Southern Oregon
In the outback


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## Ruthanne (Sep 21, 2020)

Gary O' said:


> Southern Oregon
> In the outback


Well that pinpointed pretty good for me...lol.


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## Gary O' (Sep 21, 2020)

Ruthanne said:


> Well that pinpointed pretty good for me...lol.


Heh
Thought it was too
You guys are darn near neighbors, you being from Earth and all

*Ruthanne
SF VIP*
Location Earth


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## Aneeda72 (Sep 21, 2020)

Well, I have two available granddaughters and one is “looking”, plus she grew up living in a tent in a forest beside a stream.  Really off grid till social service scooped the children up and my daughter adopted her.  Seems like a good match for both of them.  

Except my granddaughter is a “user”.  Can’t introduce her to anyone.


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## Ruthanne (Sep 21, 2020)

Gary O' said:


> Heh
> Thought it was too
> You guys are darn near neighbors, you being from Earth and all
> 
> ...


Fair enough, too far from me, though, but tell him I think he's cute!


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## Phoenix (Sep 21, 2020)

Gary O' said:


> Yes
> 
> yes they are
> 
> ...


It looks good on you.   Beards are very manly.


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## 911 (Sep 21, 2020)

win231 said:


> I've chatted with a few women who are turned on by a man in uniform.


They need to pick a different uniform. It seems that in today's society, most police uniforms have a target on the back. At last count, I read that 39 police officers in the U.S. have been feloniously killed so far this year.


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## Phoenix (Sep 21, 2020)

911 said:


> They need to pick a different uniform. It seems that in today's society, most police uniforms have a target on the back. At last count, I read that 39 police officers in the U.S. have been feloniously killed so far this year.


It's just awful.  The violence on all levels is out of hand.  Things need to change.


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## win231 (Sep 21, 2020)

911 said:


> They need to pick a different uniform. It seems that in today's society, most police uniforms have a target on the back. At last count, I read that 39 police officers in the U.S. have been feloniously killed so far this year.


"39 police officers in the U.S. have been killed so far this year?"  That pales in comparison to the number of non police officers killed so far this year.  A police officer has one of the safest jobs in the world.  In fact, statistically, a store clerk has a much-riskier job.

In 2013, out of approximately 900,000 sworn officers, just 100 died from a job-related injury. That's about 11.1 per 100,000, or a rate of 0.01%.

Policing doesn't even make it into the top 10 most dangerous American professions. Logging has a fatality rate 11 times higher, at 127.8 per 100,000. Fishing: 117 per 100,000. Pilot/flight engineer: 53.4 per 100,000. It's twice as dangerous to be a truck driver as a cop—at 22.1 per 100,000.

Exaggeration is impressive.......to the ignorant.


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## Knight (Sep 21, 2020)

Nicole Caghs said:


> *I ask because I'm losing it my husband died 13 years ago and ever since I haven't seen a man talk to me
> why? *


I'm pretty sure if you looked like this you wouldn't be here asking. At only two years older that shouldn't be a problem.

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/jennifer-lopez-bikini-photo-age-51-165646121.html


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## Aneeda72 (Sep 21, 2020)

win231 said:


> "39 police officers in the U.S. have been killed so far this year?"  That pales in comparison to the number of non police officers killed so far this year.  A police officer has one of the safest jobs in the world.  In fact, statistically, a store clerk has a much-riskier job.
> 
> In 2013, out of approximately 900,000 sworn officers, just 100 died from a job-related injury. That's about 11.1 per 100,000, or a rate of 0.01%.
> 
> ...


You are so harsh at times, lighten up.  I knew I should have encouraged my husband to be a logger,


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## Aneeda72 (Sep 21, 2020)

Knight said:


> I'm pretty sure if you looked like this you wouldn't be here asking. At only two years older that shouldn't be a problem.
> 
> https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/jennifer-lopez-bikini-photo-age-51-165646121.html


I may not understand.  No man ever talks to you?  I talk to men every week, grocery store clerks, mostly.  But also neighbors and this young guy who walks his dog every day, couple of the neighbors sons, grandsons.  I remember someone else posted the same thing almost.

She posted there were only fat old woman gossips to talk to and she did not like to talk to them.  She wanted to talk to a man.  . Whatever for?  Since I am a fat old woman, I thought, well, alrighty then. I do not gossip though.  In order to gossip you have to have something to gossip about.

However, in my experience men like a woman who is doormat, a woman who will cater to their every need and whim.  You might try this.  Men on here will disagree, but to them I said, this is MY EXPERIENCE with men.  I don’t know about others.


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## win231 (Sep 21, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> You are so harsh at times, lighten up.  I knew I should have encouraged my husband to be a logger,


Honesty & truth are not "Harsh."  B.S. is harsh.


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## I'mnotdeadyet (Sep 21, 2020)

Bonnie said:


> People sign on to the forum,  say something to get a response ... then disappear.


Try not to judge too harshly. Sometimes folks get desperate and think something is a good idea, then rethink later. I'd be willing to bet she knows how to meet men but has been frustrated in her attempts and needed to say it out loud. Perhaps she'll return to the forum and clarify.


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## Aneeda72 (Sep 21, 2020)

win231 said:


> Honesty & truth are not "Harsh."  B.S. is harsh.


Well, I was giving my honest opinion


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## win231 (Sep 21, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> Well, I was giving my honest opinion


LOL.  That's fine.  The B.S. I was referring to was "911's."


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## Phoenix (Sep 21, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> However, in my experience men like a woman who is doormat, a woman who will cater to their every need and whim.  You might try this.  Men on here will disagree, but to them I said, this is MY EXPERIENCE with men.  I don’t know about others.


The best relationships of my life have been with men who liked me for my independence and the workings of my mind.   I dumped those who wanted doormats.  I'd rather be alone than with them.  So I was for a while.  My husband wanted a woman who was self-actualized.  He still does.  I am.


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## Aneeda72 (Sep 21, 2020)

Phoenix said:


> The best relationships of my life have been with men who liked me for my independence and the workings of my mind.   I dumped those who wanted doormats.  I'd rather be alone than with them.  So I was for a while.  My husband wanted a woman who was self-actualized.  He still does.  I am.


My husband wouldn’t even understand what self-actualized means or supportive either except in terms of money.  I know I asked him about this a couple of decades ago.


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## Phoenix (Sep 21, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> My husband wouldn’t even understand what self-actualized means or supportive either except in terms of money.  I know I asked him about this a couple of decades ago.


I dumped two husbands who tried to turn me into a rotting stump.  The second one had mucho bucks.  It wasn't worth it.  We each make our choices.


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## Jules (Sep 21, 2020)

There are some people who post on sites to make a connection.  The picture may or may not even be real.  

Other post for a reaction and never return.  Others may just realize that the site is not really what they expected.


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## hellomimi (Sep 21, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> However, in my experience men like a woman who is doormat, a woman who will cater to their every need and whim.  You might try this.  Men on here will disagree, but to them I said, this is MY EXPERIENCE with men.  I don’t know about others.


Men attracted to doormats are most likely LVM (low value men). High value men seek their equals, they don't control nor want to be controlled. 

Women who know their worth shouldn't fall for men looking for 'slaves'. We teach people how to treat us (and vice versa) so let's make ourselves respectable and valuable to be treated right.

IMO, of course.


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## hellomimi (Sep 22, 2020)

Reading posts of SF men considered regulars here, I can sense those who are married love and respect their wives which makes them HVM in my book. They're the kind of men I can, and will, respect knowing they value and know women's worth in their lives.


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## Aneeda72 (Sep 22, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> Men attracted to doormats are most likely LVM (low value men). High value men seek their equals, they don't control nor want to be controlled.
> 
> Women who know their worth shouldn't fall for men looking for 'slaves'. We teach people how to treat us (and vice versa) so let's make ourselves respectable and valuable to be treated right.
> 
> IMO, of course.


Yup, I take full responsibility for my poor choice in men.  But I was answering the question.


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## JimBob1952 (Sep 22, 2020)

win231 said:


> "39 police officers in the U.S. have been killed so far this year?"  That pales in comparison to the number of non police officers killed so far this year.  A police officer has one of the safest jobs in the world.  In fact, statistically, a store clerk has a much-riskier job.
> 
> In 2013, out of approximately 900,000 sworn officers, just 100 died from a job-related injury. That's about 11.1 per 100,000, or a rate of 0.01%.
> 
> ...



The operative word is "killed."  Logging, fishing and truck driving are certainly more dangerous than police work.  But is anybody walking up and shooting loggers, fishermen or truck drivers?  There is a special type of menace in that kind of near-random homicide.


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## Aneeda72 (Sep 22, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> Reading posts of SF men considered regulars here, I can sense those who are married love and respect their wives which makes them HVM in my book. They're the kind of men I can, and will, respect knowing they value and know women's worth in their lives.


Hmm, I am not as sure as you.  I have learned to be very suspicious of men and their motives.  I don’t personally know any of the men on here.  And very few of their partners post as well.  I reserve judgement on how anyone is, in their marriage.

I had a married friend.  Her husband was great, knew them for 40 years before they moved away. Salt of the earth guy, would do anything for a neighbor, never heard them fight.  She was a very critical disapproving up in your business judgmental person.  She would call the police or social services on you without batting an eye.  But I liked her, loved him as did everyone.

One day she showed me the bruises.  One day she told me the dent in the water heater was from him banging their son’s head against it.  One day she asked me what to do.  They were married in the LDS church when she was 19.  They are still married and now in their 70’s.

I had no advice for her.  I am married in the Catholic Church, still married.  I had no clue to how he was in the marriage.   @hellomimi  I make no judgement on people’s marriage.


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## Aneeda72 (Sep 22, 2020)

JimBob1952 said:


> The operative word is "killed."  Logging, fishing and truck driving are certainly more dangerous than police work.  But is anybody walking up and shooting loggers, fishermen or truck drivers?  There is a special type of menace in that kind of near-random homicide.


Actually, yes.


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## Phoenix (Sep 22, 2020)

Children who are beaten often pass that along to their kids.  Some women feel they have no choice but to stay with an abuser.  It's incredibly sad.


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## hellomimi (Sep 22, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> Hmm, I am not as sure as you.  I have learned to be very suspicious of men and their motives.  I don’t personally know any of the men on here.  And very few of their partners post as well.  @hellomimi  I make no judgement on people’s marriage.


Unless the men who boasts how much they value their wives have Dr Jekyll n Mr Hyde personalities, I'd give them the benefit of the doubt they're being truthful. I can't blame you for being suspicious of men and their motives based on your experiences.

I'd like to think my future is shaped by my thoughts now, so I'll lean on the positives.


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## LindaB (Sep 22, 2020)

fmdog44 said:


> I wonder what percentage of marrieds that lose a spouse aft 20-25 years of marriage have the desire to remarry.


I wouldn't do it again. Separate living quarters only.


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## Phoenix (Sep 22, 2020)

LindaB said:


> I wouldn't do it again. Separate living quarters only.


I don't plan to do it again, if my husband goes first.  Of course, I didn't plan to get married after my last fellow died, either.


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## Gary O' (Sep 22, 2020)

win231 said:


> The B.S. I was referring to was "911's."



Seems pretty factual
What part do you consider BS?


911 said:


> They need to pick a different uniform. It seems that in today's society, most police uniforms have a target on the back. At last count, I read that 39 police officers in the U.S. have been feloniously killed so far this year.


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## Sassycakes (Sep 22, 2020)

911 said:


> They need to pick a different uniform. It seems that in today's society, most police uniforms have a target on the back. At last count, I read that 39 police officers in the U.S. have been feloniously killed so far this year.



*I really admire you 911 for being a Police Officer. Everytime you go to work you are putting your life in danger. I admire Firemen all so. I had a good friend that was a Police officer and thankfully he did well. My other good friend was a Firemen and sadly died fighting a fire. You should be extremely proud of putting your life on line to save others.*


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## grahamg (Sep 22, 2020)

Sassycakes said:


> *I really admire you 911 for being a Police Officer. Everytime you go to work you are putting your life in danger. I admire Firemen all so. I had a good friend that was a Police officer and thankfully he did well. My other good friend was a Firemen and sadly died fighting a fire. You should be extremely proud of putting your life on line to save others.*


It should be remembered that this is not a thread about the police, but I'll compound things by this more nuanced comment. Police I've encountered over a family matter have been very fair by and large, and I do feel the police should be admired generally. However my late father once lost his temper when stopped for some traffic offence, told the officer he should be spending his time catching thieves etc., and privately he used to say "they were not all straight"!
Back to considering why its so hard to find a good man these days, (or even an average man, or passable woman I'd say  !).


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## Phoenix (Sep 23, 2020)

We are living through a time of turmoil on so many fronts.  At least this way we can more readily see who people are and avoid the ones who need to climb back under rocks.


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## JustBonee (Sep 23, 2020)

Phoenix said:


> We are living through a time of turmoil on so many fronts.  At least this way we can more readily see who people are and avoid the ones who need to climb back under rocks.



Maybe like the OP  did ...      this thread sure took on a life of its own.


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## Phoenix (Sep 23, 2020)

Bonnie said:


> Maybe like the OP  did ...      this thread sure took on a life of its own.


They always do.  Okay, back to looking for a man....


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## 911 (Sep 23, 2020)

win231 said:


> "39 police officers in the U.S. have been killed so far this year?"  That pales in comparison to the number of non police officers killed so far this year.  A police officer has one of the safest jobs in the world.  In fact, statistically, a store clerk has a much-riskier job.
> 
> In 2013, out of approximately 900,000 sworn officers, just 100 died from a job-related injury. That's about 11.1 per 100,000, or a rate of 0.01%.
> 
> ...


Nowhere in my post did I mention that policing was the most or even a dangerous job. I don't know how much time you spent looking up all of these stats, but you must have a lot of time on your hands. I wish that I had that much time to look up worthless statistics. 

BTW, the line should have read, "At last count, I read that 0 police officers in the U.S. have been feloniously killed so far this year." No one should want to kill a police officer for no reason, even though I am sure that you will undoubtedly have some smartass comeback.


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## Phoenix (Sep 23, 2020)

911 said:


> Nowhere in my post did I mention that policing was the most or even a dangerous job. I don't know how much time you spent looking up all of these stats, but you must have a lot of time on your hands. I wish that I had that much time to look up worthless statistics.
> 
> BTW, the line should have read, "At last count, I read that 0 police officers in the U.S. have been feloniously killed so far this year." No one should want to kill a police officer for no reason, even though I am sure that you will undoubtedly have some smartass comeback.


911 I totally support you.  So many times when someone spouts statistics, they slant them in their favor.  I'm afraid those who are attacking you could be doing the same thing.  I've decided to ignore such individuals, once I realize what they are up to.  You are welcome to join me in doing just that.


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## Gaer (Sep 23, 2020)

Phoenix said:


> 911 I totally support you.  So many times when someone spouts statistics, they slant them in their favor.  I'm afraid those who are attacking you could be doing the same thing.  I've decided to ignore such individuals, once I realize what they are up to.  You are welcome to join me in doing just that.


911:  I second that!  I have a great respect for your judgements, your experiences and for law enforcement.  

Ok, NOW Let's try to get back to the thread's purpose.  My sincere apologies for helping taking this off track!


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## win231 (Sep 23, 2020)

911 said:


> Nowhere in my post did I mention that policing was the most or even a dangerous job. I don't know how much time you spent looking up all of these stats, but you must have a lot of time on your hands. I wish that I had that much time to look up worthless statistics.
> 
> BTW, the line should have read, "At last count, I read that 0 police officers in the U.S. have been feloniously killed so far this year." No one should want to kill a police officer for no reason, even though I am sure that you will undoubtedly have some smartass comeback.


And no police officer should want to kill anyone for no reason, but that's not how things are.
Statistics that tell a truth you'd rather not acknowledge are often worthless.


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## Jules (Sep 23, 2020)

If a 53 year old wants a man, she should look where 65+ year olds hang out.


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## Pinky (Sep 23, 2020)

Jules said:


> If a 53 year old wants a man, she should look where 65+ year olds hang out.


Yup .. the 53 year old men are looking at much younger women


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## Phoenix (Sep 23, 2020)

Pinky said:


> Yup .. the 53 year old men are looking at much younger women


Yep, they are.  But if I was 53, I would want a guy within 5 years of my age.


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## Pinky (Sep 23, 2020)

Phoenix said:


> Yep, they are.  But if I was 53, I would want a guy within 5 years of my age.


Me too.


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## Jules (Sep 23, 2020)

Me too.  It might get someone to hang out with for a bit.


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## Phoenix (Sep 23, 2020)

I remember when my uncle died after a long-term illness, my aunt said that if she were to marry again the guy would have to provide a certificate of good health.  She was 56 at the time.  She's now 93 and still single.


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## Gaer (Sep 23, 2020)

Phoenix said:


> I remember when my uncle died after a long-term illness, my aunt said that if she were to marry again the guy would have to provide a certificate of good health.  She was 56 at the time.  She's now 93 and still single.


Those were my thoughts after my husband died.  You NEVER want to live through the death of a husband again!
All these experiences make you stronger though.


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## Phoenix (Sep 23, 2020)

Gaer said:


> Those were my thoughts after my husband died.  You NEVER want to live through the death of a husband again!
> All these experiences make you stronger though.


Yes the do, but the soul becomes tired after a time.


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## Phoenix (Sep 23, 2020)

Laughing?  Glad to bring mirth.


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## hellomimi (Sep 23, 2020)

Jules said:


> If a 53 year old wants a man, she should look where 65+ year olds hang out.


It depends...if she's a cougar, she'd want men in their mid 20s though no older than 40. Nothing wrong with that; women have preferences.


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## Phoenix (Sep 23, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> It depends...if she's a cougar, she'd want men in their mid 20s though no older than 40. Nothing wrong with that; women have preferences.


Agreed.  I wouldn't want to have to raise an adult baby.


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## grahamg (Sep 23, 2020)

Jules said:


> Me too.  It might get someone to hang out with for a bit.


I watched a tv documentary last night on Boris Pasternak, the writer of Dr. Zhivago, amongst other things, (a great Russian poet too I believe, who took something like twenty years to complete his most famous work, all under Stalinist rule).

He took up with a woman of about 35 years of age, when he was approaching sixty I believe, and this love affair provided the inspiration for one of the main characters in the book. He'd been married a couple of times before this affair, but the love this woman had for him meant she never succumbed to implicate Boris when she herself was imprisoned and given hard labour, on spurious charges of having anti soviet views.

It would appear then that some great men, and women I'd guess, can overcome issues like large age differences, though I must admit I dont think I could myself.   .


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## Phoenix (Sep 23, 2020)

grahamg said:


> I watched a tv documentary last night on Boris Pasternak, the writer of Dr. Zhivago, amongst other things, (a great Russian poet too I believe, who took something like twenty years to complete his most famous work, all under Stalinist rule).
> 
> He took up with a woman of about 35 years of age, when he was approaching sixty I believe, and this love affair provided the inspiration for one of the main characters in the book. He'd been married a couple of times before this affair, but the love this woman had for him meant she never succumbed to implicate Boris when she herself was imprisoned and given hard labour, on spurious charges of having anti soviet views.
> 
> It would appear then that some great men, and women I'd guess, can overcome issues like large age differences, though I must admit I dont think I could myself.   .


When I was 35 a guy 60 would have been too old and wrinkly for me to want to sleep with.  He would have been a dad to me.


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## Gaer (Sep 23, 2020)

I've come to believe chronological age is meaningless.  I'm not setting limits as I once did.
hahaha!  I'm so old now that an older man is out of the question!  There might not be any!


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## Phoenix (Sep 23, 2020)

Gaer said:


> I've come to believe chronological age is meaningless.  I'm not setting limits as I once did.


There are reality checks that mean something to me.  For friendships there are no age limits.  For a romantic partner, there would be.  The only ones I want to cuddle with if my husband passes are cats and dogs.


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## hellomimi (Sep 23, 2020)

Phoenix said:


> When I was 35 a guy 60 would have been too old and wrinkly for me to want to sleep with.  He would have been a dad to me.


A 76 y/o man is courting me and like you said, when I look at him, I see a father figure. This man has good genes, he isn't wrinkly but still...the 17 year gap disturbs me.


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## win231 (Sep 23, 2020)

Phoenix said:


> I remember when my uncle died after a long-term illness, my aunt said that if she were to marry again the guy would have to provide a certificate of good health.  She was 56 at the time.  She's now 93 and still single.


It's very considerate of your aunt to stay single.
Since good health today doesn't guarantee good health tomorrow, ask your aunt what she would do if she married a guy who provided her with a good-health certificate & he got sick later.  Divorce him?


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## tbeltrans (Sep 23, 2020)

During a period in which I worked as an engineering manager, I had to take a 12 session class (one per week for 12 weeks) about managing people.  Since I was never really interested in being a manager and eventually went back to engineering, there was only one class that really stood out for me.  That class discussed how different generations view the world differently due to what was/is going on in their world during the majority of their lives.  

I really saw the differences between the "Depression baby" and "baby boomers" (my generation) when we first bought our condo.  At that time, most of the original people were still living there and most had sold their big suburban house after their kids grew up and left home (this was before the kids started coming back home as adults) and downsized to condo living.

One thing I really noticed was the difference in attitude toward money.  The "Depression baby" folks generally seemed very fiscally conservative and seemed to not be in debt, while my generation can't seem to borrow and acquire fast enough.  I learned a lot from those folks and am not like that at all.  We have had some disagreements on our board now that those original people are gone because I want to make sure we have the money for repairs before we spend it (continue the policies of that first group of people), while others seem to want to borrow, borrow, borrow.  I also saw the difference in the quantity and quality of the cars, big TVs, etc., again showing the conservative nature of the previous generation.

On the negative side, those first folks were very concerned as people from non-white nationalities started buying into our building.  That attitude concerned me, but since the original people are gone, we don't seem to have that problem anymore, with the exception of a very few.  I much prefer that people, being human, be welcomed into our community.

What I notice with the younger generations moving in now in addition to the attitude toward finances (debt for everything just seems to be a part of their lives for some reason) is that the big events of my generation are nothing more than something they read about in high school and therefore have little or no meaning in their lives.  I realize in hindsight that this is also true for me and the generation that preceded me.  For me, WWII was a big deal, but only through movies and reading history.  It was totally life altering for the previous generation.

It would seem odd to me if I were in a relationship with a woman from another generation that our respective cultural references would be completely lost on the other.  A much younger person wouldn't really know who The Beatles were, any more than I know who Beyonce or Justin Bieber is.  To me, such little things are a normal part of communication that form a bond, and that would be missing.  Our respective frames of reference would be quite different, and I am not sure that could be overlooked.  It is the little things of everyday life that seem to really serve to build a solid bond, and if a lot of that is missing, I am not sure that such a relationship could survive unless there was some other form of inter-dependence to replace it.

Just some thoughts on the age difference thing...

Tony


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## GeorgiaXplant (Sep 23, 2020)

Considering that the OP hasn't been back since posting, has it occurred to anybody that OP is merely a troll?


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## Pecos (Sep 23, 2020)

win231 said:


> "39 police officers in the U.S. have been killed so far this year?"  That pales in comparison to the number of non police officers killed so far this year.  A police officer has one of the safest jobs in the world.  In fact, statistically, a store clerk has a much-riskier job.
> 
> In 2013, out of approximately 900,000 sworn officers, just 100 died from a job-related injury. That's about 11.1 per 100,000, or a rate of 0.01%.
> 
> ...


One gets the impression that you may have been waiting for an opportunity to slam police officers. If not, I fail to see why you have tried to take this thread into a direction that serves no purpose related to the original question.


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## grahamg (Sep 23, 2020)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> Considering that the OP hasn't been back since posting, has it occurred to anybody that OP is merely a troll?


I've got a conspiracy theory if you want one?

The OP was simply a way of drawing any figment of attention from a recent thread I posted on this section !


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## Phoenix (Sep 23, 2020)

tbeltrans said:


> During a period in which I worked as an engineering manager, I had to take a 12 session class (one per week for 12 weeks) about managing people.  Since I was never really interested in being a manager and eventually went back to engineering, there was only one class that really stood out for me.  That class discussed how different generations view the world differently due to what was/is going on in their world during the majority of their lives.
> 
> I really saw the differences between the "Depression baby" and "baby boomers" (my generation) when we first bought our condo.  At that time, most of the original people were still living there and most had sold their big suburban house after their kids grew up and left home (this was before the kids started coming back home as adults) and downsized to condo living.
> 
> ...


What you said is well-stated.  I've noticed the generational differences a lot.  I was and still am financially conservative, because of years of poverty.  I learned from my parents, and I learned from my own experiences.  I'm a boomer.  In general Generation X and on down, at least the ones I've met, seem to expect to be able to live with their parents forever and never have to be fully responsible for themselves.  They seemed to expect to easily be able to buy the same kind of house their parents worked hard for.   The ones in between the boomer and the Xes have their own mindsets.


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## grahamg (Sep 23, 2020)

Phoenix said:


> When I was 35 a guy 60 would have been too old and wrinkly for me to want to sleep with.  He would have been a dad to me.


I dont disagree, but just think of the intellectual stimulation you might have received being in a relationship with Boris Pasternak   .


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## Phoenix (Sep 23, 2020)

grahamg said:


> I dont disagree, but just think of the intellectual stimulation you might have received being in a relationship with Boris Pasternak   .


I get that kind of stimulation from friends of all ages, especially old friends.


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## win231 (Sep 23, 2020)

Pecos said:


> One gets the impression that you may have been waiting for an opportunity to slam police officers. If not, I fail to see why you have tried to take this thread into a direction that serves no purpose related to the original question.


One gets the impression that reading is not one of your strengths.

Review my post #49.  I said:  _"Some women are attracted to a man in uniform."_
Then review 911's post #61. *He* said:  _"They need to pick a different uniform. It seems that in today's society, most police uniforms have a target on the back. At last count, I read that 39 police officers in the U.S. have been feloniously killed so far this year."_
Then you may realize who took this thread into a different direction.


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## Gaer (Sep 23, 2020)

deleted


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## win231 (Sep 23, 2020)

Gaer said:


> Oh No!  Your annotations have been caustic to 911, RGP, and now you're insulting Pecos?   No, no no!
> I know you've had a hard life and you hurt inside but please don't do this to men warranting the highest respect!


Same suggestion:  Review my post #49 & 911's post #61.


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## fmdog44 (Oct 5, 2020)

Get a dog. Loyal and unconditional love.


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## Gary O' (Oct 5, 2020)

StarSong said:


> My first thought - this is sure an odd opening gambit.* Wonder what her agenda is*.


Not much of one, it appears


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## StarSong (Oct 5, 2020)

Gary O' said:


> Not much of one, it appears


Back in the long ago days when I worked for a very large corporation, uninvolved senior managers would occasionally come by with ridiculous changes that we'd have to institute. When they became distracted by something sparkly in another department we could undo their damage and set things straight again.

We called them "seagull managers." Like the birds, they'd fly over, take a dump without regard to where it landed, then continue on the breeze.

I think of that term when I see threads like this. One post with 122 responses, but the gull apparently didn't interrupt her flight long enough to notice where her droppings landed.

Seagull posters.


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## Gary O' (Oct 5, 2020)

StarSong said:


> "seagull managers."


Oh, I so wish I knew that one back in the day

So true
So very very true


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## StarSong (Oct 5, 2020)

Gary O' said:


> Oh, I so wish I knew that one back in the day
> 
> So true
> So very very true


I think it was unique to our company.  I never heard it anywhere else, not even in the wider industry.


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## Gary O' (Oct 5, 2020)

StarSong said:


> I think it was unique to our company. I never heard it anywhere else, not even in the wider industry.


Well, heck
I'm going to use it now
Bettin' there's a few applications in the private sector.....maybe even here


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## StarSong (Oct 5, 2020)

Gary O' said:


> Bettin' there's a few applications in the private sector.....maybe even here


Yup.


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## Aunt Bea (Oct 5, 2020)




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## Butterfly (Oct 5, 2020)

I've suffered through a couple of those seagull managers who have no idea whatsoever how something really works, but want to change it to make it "more efficient."


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## Lewkat (Oct 5, 2020)

Methinks the OP came to a seniors forum looking for a sugar daddy.  She was only 40 when hubby died?  Sad.  My son's wife was only 49 when she passed away.  He's now 54 and would not dream of asking seniors how to meet a lady at his age.


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## hellomimi (Oct 5, 2020)

Gaer said:


> I've come to believe chronological age is meaningless.  I'm not setting limits as I once did.
> hahaha!  I'm so old now that an older man is out of the question!  There might not be any!


No one's too old sister as long as you're young at heart, which I know you are.

My godmother is 79 turning 80 next year and she's single. She's not tech savvy so I got her a smartphone, painstakingly taught her to text, create a Facebook account so she can find her friends hoping they're still alive. Guess what??? It didn't take long for her to learn and she's very happy. She re-connected with her first love    who's a widower now. Woo hoo!  My next gift is the book of Kama Sutra...


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## Aneeda72 (Oct 14, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> No one's too old sister as long as you're young at heart, which I know you are.
> 
> My godmother is 79 turning 80 next year and she's single. She's not tech savvy so I got her a smartphone, painstakingly taught her to text, create a Facebook account so she can find her friends hoping they're still alive. Guess what??? It didn't take long for her to learn and she's very happy. She re-connected with her first love    who's a widower now. Woo hoo!  My next gift is the book of Kama Sutra...


@hellomimi if no one has told you lately how great you are, let me remind you, you are great!


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## WhatInThe (Oct 26, 2020)

Best way to meet people in general is be active and go to various clubs, events, places and/or gatherings as much as possible. Just seeing what's out there may be more productive than an actual hunt.


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## StarSong (Oct 26, 2020)

Best way to get good advice on a forum is to check back on threads you start, rather than being a one-and-done poster like the person who started this post.  
Like Elvis, original poster Nicole Caghs has left the building.  Difference is, Elvis left us something worth remembering.


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## fancicoffee13 (Oct 26, 2020)

Nicole Caghs said:


> *I ask because I'm losing it my husband died 13 years ago and ever since I haven't seen a man talk to me
> why? *


I lost mine in 2015, was happy for 4 years being single, then spoke to a couple of men.  They said "hi" and went on.  Well, some were friendly and showed interest, but weren't for me.  I was just friendly talking and shared similar interest, and let it go at that.  Later, about a few months later, I said hello to a man who had lost his wife a year before.  We would talk for an hour or so, until one day I invited him in for a glass of tea.  I guess we hit it off cause he kept coming over and then he would go back to his home.  About a few months later we were married-COVID married out doors! It takes time, possible yes or no from the other party, patience, and it may be for you and he may not.  Prayer is essential also.


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## Pepper (Oct 26, 2020)

@fancicoffee13 
CONGRATULATIONS on your marriage!  Since you've come back here you didn't mention him like you used to and I felt a bit sad, thinking the worst.  In the meantime, it was the BEST!  Wishing you many good years together.


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## fancicoffee13 (Oct 26, 2020)

Pepper said:


> @fancicoffee13
> CONGRATULATIONS on your marriage!  Since you've come back here you didn't mention him like you used to and I felt a bit sad, thinking the worst.  In the meantime, it was the BEST!  Wishing you many good years together.


Thank you. I went to other threads


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## grahamg (Nov 6, 2020)

"You've tried sexy underwear I suppose?".    !


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