# Spouses Sleeping Apart from One-Another



## imp (Dec 22, 2015)

May be probing the proverbial hornets' nest, but I've wondered often over the years: "Oh, he sleeps alone. Just as well".  "Snores too damned much". "Love holding her while I'm sleeping". 

After years of sleeping together, similar hours, have many shifted away from  that routine? My wife's Dad worked second shift for many years, came home late, slept in  mornings, this circumstance then being one of the many possibilities.

A few years ago, having breathing difficulties, lying on my back, or otherwise flat, made breathing through my nose impossible. I took decongestants by the bucketful. Still take some. We bought a 3-seat couch with the two end chairs being recliners, at my wife's request, about a year ago. Doing livingroom homage to the T-V junk, she sits at one end, I the other. I quickly found I could sleep peacefully semi-reclined, half-way. She cannot sleep in the thing at all. 

Semi-reclined, I breathe easily. So I started sleeping nightly thus. She sleeps in our bed. This crimps the "lovey-dovey" scene. 

My own parents, I recall rather sharply, began sleeping apart way back when I was maybe in  my early teens. The reasons are clouded. I sensed from remarks and innuendos by my Mother that this set-up was what my dad wanted. I came along late in the game, so by then they were no longer love-birds. My dad was 42 when I was born, my mother 37.

So, how prevalent a theme have I outlined? Reluctant to say? Fear not, we are close-knit here, never reveal secrets or uncomfortable facts indiscretionally, right?

imp


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## nitelite (Dec 22, 2015)

'Sleeping' apart does not mean that your 'Romance' has to be apart. You can make time for anything if you want.  :semi-twins:


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## imp (Dec 22, 2015)

Gosh-bang, so right you are! I'm ready to make time as you suggest. But.....imp


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## Underock1 (Dec 22, 2015)

Life happens. I used to love holding my wife at night or just gently touching her hair or shoulder. As time wore on, I would go to bed while she stayrd up to watch TV on the couch in the Living room. Then she had to deal with her diabetes, and sometimes slept on the couch all night. I missed the contact, but as others have said, it doesn't need to affect the relationship. We had more than enough contact when the time and mood were right, which was frequent. We used to enjoy holding hands a lot. That ended when she needed the walker. Life happens.


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## vickyNightowl (Dec 22, 2015)

At one point I was working 3 jobs,I used to wake up at 4:30 am and my day betwween work and home duties,ended at 11 to 12 pm,snoring was a big problem so I started sleeping I spare bedroomn,now he has to get up earlier than me,lol but itss alll good,we meet once in a while aaand say hello


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## SifuPhil (Dec 23, 2015)

Hey, if it was good enough for Lucy and Ricky ...

I find that I too can often sleep easier in a recliner, plus it gives my paranoid self a better position from which to spring up and attack any evil-doers that enter my domain. 

But then, I've also enjoyed California kings and waterbeds, so ...


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## Ken N Tx (Dec 23, 2015)

nitelite said:


> 'Sleeping' apart does not mean that your 'Romance' has to be apart. You can make time for anything if you want.  :semi-twins:


  We have slept apart for the past 20 years..We have a connecting doorway between rooms and share the master bathroom..

Snoring, early riser work/retirement is the problem..


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## Pappy (Dec 23, 2015)

Still sleeping together in our giant bed. My wife, when she's extra tired, snores like a trooper, but a gentle nudge usually quiets things down. When I have a chest cold, my breathing becomes very difficult so I ride it out sleeping upright in my recliner.


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## QuickSilver (Dec 23, 2015)

We have a Sleep Number split King.. each with our own controls to raise the head or foot...  It's very comfortable.... but it is actually two extra long twins set together on a king-sized frame..


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## fureverywhere (Dec 23, 2015)

To tell ya the truth if it didn't hurt his feelings I'd be way happy to have my own bedroom. I guess I'm weird but I like a dark quiet room when I sleep. Hubby works late night. So he can see I leave his table light on. But then he'll come in and flip on the TV. He says it's the only way he can go to sleep. I can't tell you how often I've had to creep to the end of the bed and turn it off after he's asleep. The only thing good about sharing a bed is we both tend to have nightmares where we start arguing with someone out loud. It's nice to have someone to pat you until you realize it was only a bad dream.


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## AZ Jim (Dec 23, 2015)

In our later years we find separate bedrooms works better. She goes to bed early and gets up very early, I am a night owl but I am usually up by 8.


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## Waterlilly (Dec 23, 2015)

My husband has had many back surgeries and can not sleep in the bed, our new home has two master bedrooms so he has his set up as his "man cave". Two recliners (one for dogs) big screen TV that runs 24/7and his own bathroom. I enjoyed decorating my own room and he happily helped. Has nothing to do with the romance. Works for us!


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## Linda (Dec 23, 2015)

My husband and I prefer sharing the same bed and now we also have Minnie Mouse and Seth the Mighty Attack Dog sleeping with us.  What is so funny, Minnie is in love with Seth and wants to cuddle all night but Seth (even though they are best friends during the day time) wants no part of it and climbs to the other side of my husband to get away from her.    Thank God they are both neutered. Here they are napping during the day.  Seth always sleeps with one of his toys.


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## fureverywhere (Dec 23, 2015)

AWWWW Wook at the cute little doggies!!!


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## Ruth n Jersey (Dec 23, 2015)

We haven't slept together for years and years. One of the reasons is because of the radio. My husband insists on going to sleep with it on and waking up to it. The last thing I want in the morning is to hear all the horrible things going on in the world even before my feet hit the floor and this time of the year, I sure don't want to listen Jingle Bells before I have my morning coffee. I also like to read before I go to sleep and this keeps him up. As far as snoring, a cattle prod wouldn't stop him. So sleeping apart works just fine for both of us.


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## Ruth n Jersey (Dec 23, 2015)

They are so sweet,Linda. Especially the little one. I miss our dogs, but because we have to travel to see our children we just can't get another one.


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## SeaBreeze (Dec 25, 2015)

We had a regular king sized bed for decades now, we always sleep together.  We can snuggle or get intimate if we like, or stretch out and get some good rest on our own sides.  Of course my side always includes the family pets.  My cat spends a few hours a night near my pillow snuggling with me and itching my face, I'm the type to stay in an uncomfortable position just not to disturb the cat.  Once the pup is fully trained and has complete run of the house, chances are he'll have his own spot on the bed too, like our other dogs did.

Linda, your pups are so cute, you're lucky one sides with your hubby, give you a bit more room.


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## fureverywhere (Dec 25, 2015)

Something that helped us a lot was a new mattress. The old one was so springy that hubby would get up in the night and I would almost bounce in the air. The mattress guy was really knowledgeable and we tried a bed in the show room. Firm enough that we're both comfortable. Hubby isn't all the problem sometimes. Callie has been known to sleep on my face. A bit startling to wake up slightly suffocated with someone snoring into your eyes.


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## tnthomas (Dec 25, 2015)

Linda said:


> My husband and I prefer sharing the same bed and now we also have Minnie Mouse and Seth the Mighty Attack Dog sleeping with us.  What is so funny, Minnie is in love with Seth and wants to cuddle all night but Seth (even though they are best friends during the day time) wants no part of it and climbs to the other side of my husband to get away from her.    Thank God they are both neutered. Here they are napping during the day.  Seth always sleeps with one of his toys.



Dogs!  :clap:


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## imp (Dec 25, 2015)

Regarding the "quality" of beds: long ago, in my 20s, I experienced often-recurring backache pain, which drove me to seek Dr.'s opinion. He responded in an unusual way, suggesting I try sleeping for a few hours at a time on the floor! Amazing! It helped. We went out and bought the most firm bed we could find, kingsize at that. Backaches gone, that danged bed lasted through two marriages, and finally was replaced after over 30 years of service!     imp


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## Kadee (Dec 25, 2015)

I'd love to have my own bed I have mentioned it to hubby several times but he doesn't like the idea ...Our biggest issue is he is 6"2 I'm 5 ft in old terms ...we have a queen size bed but he puts his legs over my side so I can't stretch out as his legs are in the way  We have a 4 bedroom home and we are the only ones who live here so we have plenty of room


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## Bobw235 (Dec 25, 2015)

We've always slept in the same bed, though there've been times when one of us has slipped off to the guest room if the other is making too much noise in their sleep.  My wife used to snore like crazy, until she was diagnosed with sleep apnea.  Now she's got a machine and the snoring is gone, along with the associated health risks.  Love spooning as we're falling asleep.  In fact, if I stay up late to watch football, she often can't fall asleep because I'm not in bed with her.  She used to hate it when I traveled because she had such trouble falling asleep with my being gone.


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## hollydolly (Dec 25, 2015)

We have not slept in the same room for about 10 years or more....

Hubs has never got used to the idea of separate rooms and would rather we slept in the same room...but I am a very light sleeper and he snores like a *TRAIN..*.., it almost shakes the house and even tho' I sleep in the next room I still have to wear ear plugs every night !!...also I'm tee-total and he drinks alcohol and smokes e-cigarettes before bed and even tho' he brushes his teeth I can still smell it on his breath and it makes me want to retch .

I am too used to having my own space and my own bed..and reading in bed before going sleep (which he doesn't do either)....to ever give that up...it's my own little piece of heaven.


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## Ina (Dec 25, 2015)

We bought a California King Sleep Number bed over 11 years ago, and it was a blessing to my spine, but after my husband passed, I couldn't sleep in the bed. I kept roaming around in my sleep looking for him. So in August I bought a new Sleep Number IQ queen sized bed, and that help immensely.  Plus the new one has up and down head and foot positions, and three massage settings.  On top of that they gave me a $2300 trade in for the old bed.  That better than a you can get for an old car.


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## Underock1 (Dec 25, 2015)

Bobw235 said:


> We've always slept in the same bed, though there've been times when one of us has slipped off to the guest room if the other is making too much noise in their sleep.  My wife used to snore like crazy, until she was diagnosed with sleep apnea.  Now she's got a machine and the snoring is gone, along with the associated health risks.  Love spooning as we're falling asleep.  In fact, if I stay up late to watch football, she often can't fall asleep because I'm not in bed with her.  She used to hate it when I traveled because she had such trouble falling asleep with my being gone.



Its the real thing, Bob. Been there. Done that. Miss it.


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## Ken N Tx (Dec 26, 2015)

Choosing the right bed..The last two are the best!!!!! 
.


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## RadishRose (Dec 26, 2015)

:iagree:


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## Cookie (Dec 26, 2015)

I have to sleep alone these days, as I 'm such a tosser and turner I would drive my partner nuts.  As my parents got older and the kids moved out they had a couple of spare bedrooms, so naturally my dad moved into his own room and they slept separately.  I've also noticed some couples have single beds in the same bedroom, but a single bed seems quite a narrow choice.


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