# Should I feel sad



## marcb (Aug 7, 2020)

I'm sitting here in the sun, on my own, listening to the wind in the trees and the local traffic nearby, but with periods of silence.

Since my divorce a lot of time has been spent on my own although thankfully I have family and a few friends. I am lucky in that I own my house, apart from aches and pains I'm fit and healthy and financially stable enough to try semi-retirement.

When I sit here with a beer I think of the good times with my partner and scarily imagine she is next to me, and that gives me a warm feeling.

So should I feel sad or do I just need a good kick and be thankful.


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## MarciKS (Aug 7, 2020)

I'm not sure how long ago you got divorced but it takes a while before you feel normal again. I went through a grieving process that is similar to when someone dies. Give it some time & be gentle with yourself. A broken heart needs TLC to get better.


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## Keesha (Aug 7, 2020)

I would think that after a divorce, you’d go through many emotions, all of which are normal. If you are thinking happy thoughts about your ex, I think it’s a good sign that you’re healing. It’s a healthy attitude. Some partners hate their partners forever and a day even with children.

Im sorry you are still feeling sad and lonely though. Breaking up is hard to do.


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## Judycat (Aug 7, 2020)

You are allowed to feel sad. My husband, who had been married and divorced twice, used to say he'd feel sad about the good times, then a bad memory of their time together would knock him right again.


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## Gaer (Aug 7, 2020)

Ah, reflection.  In the stillness, may your understanding come.  Be thankful for all the wonders in your life, your health, your handsomeness, your retirement.  your beer, your house.  The trick is to enjoy your life, not waste away your days in regret.  Just breathe, and know everything will be fine!


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## Pinky (Aug 7, 2020)

I think it's healthy for you to have fond memories of your ex-partner. Not everyone parts with animosity and hatred in their hearts. Consider yourself fortunate.


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## marcb (Aug 7, 2020)

Such lovely replies and thank you so much. It's been about two years and you could say why are you sitting back, but I do understand that it will take time. Also I am fortunate that I have everything - but a partner - and I know that these sad feelings only last a little while. Maybe it's taking a bit longer to get over things and like anything there are triggers but mostly happy triggers with a hint of sadness, and I know I have to and will move on. Anyway, I'll get a second beer


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## RadishRose (Aug 7, 2020)

The more you get involved with new experiences, the better you'll feel. One step at a time.

I wish you well!


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## MarciKS (Aug 7, 2020)

marcb said:


> Such lovely replies and thank you so much. It's been about two years and you could say why are you sitting back, but I do understand that it will take time. Also I am fortunate that I have everything - but a partner - and I know that these sad feelings only last a little while. Maybe it's taking a bit longer to get over things and like anything there are triggers but mostly happy triggers with a hint of sadness, and I know I have to and will move on. Anyway, I'll get a second beer


It's been years for me & I still have triggers that either make me sad or make me angry. It's too bad we can't go into our brains & delete that crap like files we don't need anymore.


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## win231 (Aug 7, 2020)

Just be glad you're able to have a "warm" feeling about your ex.
I also had feelings about my divorce.  Feelings of relief.


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## marcb (Aug 7, 2020)

Lovely comments thanks, and I guess the end to every relationship is different, some good memories and some bad memories, but it is nice to feel I'm not alone.


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## MarciKS (Aug 7, 2020)




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## marcb (Aug 7, 2020)

Aw thanks


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## asp3 (Aug 7, 2020)

I generally avoid thinking about shoulds because they are usually someone else's value judgement about what we're doing or not doing.  As long as you're OK with feeling what you're feeling it sounds like the right thing to do.

Some people bury or alter their feelings with alcohol.  However only you will know whether that is a concern for you or not.

I've used the pleasant memories from past relationships to better understand what I enjoy in a relationship so that I can look for that in a current or future relationship.


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## MarciKS (Aug 7, 2020)

asp3 said:


> I generally avoid thinking about shoulds because they are usually someone else's value judgement about what we're doing or not doing.  As long as you're OK with feeling what you're feeling it sounds like the right thing to do.
> 
> Some people bury or alter their feelings with alcohol.  However only you will know whether that is a concern for you or not.
> 
> I've used the pleasant memories from past relationships to better understand what I enjoy in a relationship so that I can look for that in a current or future relationship.


It's difficult to find a person who has all those enjoyable qualities. So many people enjoy inflicting misery on others no matter who they are.


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## marcb (Aug 7, 2020)

It is sometimes nice to bounce off others whether in here or elsewhere, and the responses can reinforce your own feelings. It's also good to have different opinions, others looking at things from another angle.


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## Ruthanne (Aug 7, 2020)

Enjoy that beer!


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## marcb (Aug 7, 2020)

Ha, always, but in moderation


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## Ruthanne (Aug 7, 2020)

marcb said:


> Ha, always, but in moderation


I usually do but sometimes not so moderately


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## Pecos (Aug 7, 2020)

Gaer said:


> Ah, reflection.  In the stillness, may your understanding come.  Be thankful for all the wonders in your life, your health, your handsomeness, your retirement.  your beer, your house.  The trick is to enjoy your life, not waste away your days in regret.  Just breathe, and know everything will be fine!


Excellent advice!


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## marcb (Aug 7, 2020)

Ruthanne said:


> I usually do but sometimes not so moderately


Yes, I admit, it happens..


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## Pinky (Aug 7, 2020)

marcb said:


> Yes, I admit, it happens..


In that case ..


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## marcb (Aug 7, 2020)

Pinky said:


> In that case ..
> View attachment 116964


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## Pepper (Aug 7, 2020)

Drinking immoderately when sad leads to all sorts of trouble........................especially if one is alone.


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## Pinky (Aug 7, 2020)

Pepper said:


> Drinking immoderately when sad leads to all sorts of trouble........................especially if one is alone.


I failed to mention, it's Root Beer


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## Ruthanne (Aug 7, 2020)

Pepper said:


> Drinking immoderately when sad leads to all sorts of trouble........................especially if one is alone.


Not always.


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## MarciKS (Aug 7, 2020)

Ruthanne said:


> Not always.


Frankly a little alcohol helps me feel better. Beats sitting here being miserable.


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## Pepper (Aug 7, 2020)

Give it time, you'll see.  The best place to go when that happens is Women for Sobriety.  Just being a friend, 'tis all.  Not addressed specifically to anyone in particular.


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## Ruthanne (Aug 7, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> Frankly a little alcohol helps me feel better. Beats sitting here being miserable.


I know what you mean.


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## MarciKS (Aug 7, 2020)

I doubt I consume enough to be considered problematic. I can't tolerate much so I don't drink much. Couldn't even if I wanted to.


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## Ruthanne (Aug 7, 2020)

Pepper said:


> Give it time, you'll see.  The best place to go when that happens is Women for Sobriety.  Just being a friend, 'tis all.  Not addressed specifically to anyone in particular.


Not everyone is alike and everyone doesn't have the same experience or trajectory either unlike what sobriety groups try to make others think.  But thanks for your recommendation--I pass on groups.  If I ever feel I need help it will be something one on one.  Don't need any help though--doing well on my own


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## Ruthanne (Aug 7, 2020)

Sorry we went off topic in your thread marc.


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## RubyK (Aug 7, 2020)

It took 2 years plus to get over my divorce, but I'm glad he's gone. I just found this saying in my collection. It makes sense to me. Maybe you can find some meaning in it for yourself.





By the way, drinking alone when you are sad is a short trip to alcoholism. Take it easy.


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## Ruthanne (Aug 7, 2020)

Marc, please don't let anyone stop you from enjoying that beer you're having there's nothing wrong with that at all.


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## MarciKS (Aug 7, 2020)

Ruthanne said:


> Marc, please don't let anyone stop you from enjoying that beer you're having there's nothing wrong with that at all.


I wouldn't dream of it. Unless they have psychiatric training & wanna come fix all the crap that's ever gone wrong in my life. Then they'll need a drink.


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## Ruthanne (Aug 7, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> I wouldn't dream of it. Unless they have psychiatric training & wanna come fix all the crap that's ever gone wrong in my life. Then they'll need a drink.


Didn't think you would.  They'd need a whole team to fix me!


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## Ruthanne (Aug 7, 2020)

Cheers, marc..you've got us here..you'll never be alone.


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## MarciKS (Aug 7, 2020)

Ruthanne said:


> Marc, please don't let anyone stop you from enjoying that beer you're having there's nothing wrong with that at all.


Sorry I thought you were talking to me. You can see how that would be confusing. Marci --- marc...


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## hellomimi (Aug 7, 2020)

It's normal to grieve/feel sad after your divorce especially if you were married for many years. I went through it and it helped me recover quickly by avoiding any form of contact with my X, except matters pertaining to my son. It helped that I have a supportive family  to lean on during the dark, uncertain days after divorce was finalized. I cried when I removed my wedding band permanently.

I suggest you work on self improvement to become your own best version. It may take baby steps but keep on moving and in due time you'll find yourself smiling again. If you're fond of writing, start journaling today. There's also a sub forum here called Diaries where you can start a thread to document your progress.

Many of us have been there, divorce doesn't define us, as a person. It makes us stronger and hopefully, better human who learned from our mistakes.


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## marcb (Aug 9, 2020)

Hey all, not sure whether to respond to everyone individually (is there a protocol for that) but many thanks for all the responses. I have found that there are good days and bad days and the the best thing is to keep busy. The bad days I always get through so I'm comfortable with that.

Unfortunately, I've found this site and now I'm able to express feelings in here so everyone gets a bit, it's nice to share 

Seriously, I do know I'm not alone in my situation and also that it's up to me to get on with it, it's best to keep motivated. I'll look at the diary forum as it might be nice to record a bit more.

Now, as far as drink goes i do take all the points made and i am very aware that it's easy to go down the slippery slope, specially since I recently stopped working plus with the lovely weather. Self control is important and I have that..I think. 

Anyway thanks for all the support and comments, and I hope to give back once I get further into these great forums.


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## hellomimi (Aug 9, 2020)

Visit also the Music thread under Entertainment. Feel free to share the music you like.

This is a happy forum for and among seniors. It feels wonderful to share some shits n giggles with golden people.


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## fancicoffee13 (Aug 10, 2020)

marcb said:


> I'm sitting here in the sun, on my own, listening to the wind in the trees and the local traffic nearby, but with periods of silence.
> 
> Since my divorce a lot of time has been spent on my own although thankfully I have family and a few friends. I am lucky in that I own my house, apart from aches and pains I'm fit and healthy and financially stable enough to try semi-retirement.
> 
> ...


Be extremely thankful for the times you two had and the good things that happened.  Count the blessings and be sure to let the bad times go.


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## ronk (Aug 14, 2020)

I believe you should never feel bad about your feelings. They are your emotions. Sometimes a feeling is just natural. You were with someone for a long time. It's only natural to miss that person. However, that is the opportunity to remind yourself why you broke up the relationship. Dust yourself off and look for the future. As an aside, some people are perfectly fine maintaining a friendly contact with an ex-spouse. The key is  that you are very aware that the marriage is over. But you still appreciate your "ex" for being who they are.


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## Autumn72 (Dec 16, 2020)

RubyK said:


> It took 2 years plus to get over my divorce, but I'm glad he's gone. I just found this saying in my collection. It makes sense to me. Maybe you can find some meaning in it for yourself.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


So share


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## fancicoffee13 (Dec 17, 2020)

Autumn72 said:


> So share


There is a significant amount of sadness, I experienced it anyway, because you once loved this person and now it has ended.  But, there is also relief because they are not there anymore and you can now go on, do things you want to, and not go through all the stuff you did, anymore.  I have been through more than one, and I felt peace.  Financially, and I had to do things that were constructive that would lift my spirits and keep me moving forward.  I don't like the idea of drinking, or other stuff addicting.  Good family and friends are a great source of talking and accountability.


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## Lara (Dec 17, 2020)

Marc, you are so lucky to have this forum to share your feelings. I've read every comment in this thread and I have to say, I'm so impressed with all the members here who have taken their time to help and the result is tender, loving, respectful, and kind. There's wisdom, humor, heartfelt caring, sincerity, thoughtfulness, and honesty.  Warm hug. You're in my prayers marc.


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## Remy (Dec 18, 2020)

I may sound dumb, but it really is OK to feel however you are feeling. As long as it's not horribly interfering with everyday life (such as someone refusing to leave the house as an example) People process things in many different ways and there is nothing wrong with that.


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