# Why do so many younger members quickly leave SF?



## dseag2 (Apr 1, 2022)

I've now seen younger members in their 50's like Rah-Rah, Smiley Holly and MMinSocal go missing.  I was pleased that they joined because they offered a different perspective.  It is unfortunate that they left.  I'm only guessing that one must have a thick skin to participate in this forum.  Perhaps those in their 50's haven't developed the ability to let negative comments slide off their backs like we in our 60's, 70's and 80's have?  Perhaps they are more altruistic than those of us who are more jaded.

Not sure what the answer is, but if this forum doesn't become more welcoming to younger members and their views it will quickly become stale.  If you just want to spout the same old beliefs then good for you, but in my view we should do more to nurture and appreciate the views/posts of younger members.


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## Alligatorob (Apr 1, 2022)

dseag2 said:


> Why do so many younger members quickly leave SF?


I had not noticed, but it does seem you are right.  

I agree a mix of ages is better, but people in their 50s do have different outlooks on the world.  The big ones, retirement and... well the end of it all seem a lot closer to us older members.  

You do make a good point about trying to be more accepting, for some that gets harder with age.  I'd like to think that for me it is getting easier, but its hard to judge oneself on such thing.

It would be interesting to hear from some of the longer term members on this issue.


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## Marie5656 (Apr 1, 2022)

*Good question.  Wonder if some are thinking they are TOO young to feel comfortable here...due to those of us in our 70s and 80s?  We should try to welcome new members more.....
I joined in 2016, but lurked for quite a bit before starting to participate.  Hope folks have suggestions*


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## palides2021 (Apr 1, 2022)

Don't forget, these younger folks probably are working, still have kids at home, etc. They might be busy. I wouldn't give up on them yet. I know sometimes I'm busy and want to get on here, but don't have the time.


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## SeniorBen (Apr 1, 2022)

Perhaps they're intimidated by the snappy repartee manifested in our discussions and pronouncements that can only be achieved after three or more scores lived or through strong medication.


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## grahamg (Apr 1, 2022)

"No "staying power"!


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## Bretrick (Apr 1, 2022)

I can say this site is so much better than other sites for over fifties.
Some of them are really unfriendly and have cliques than gang up on members making them feel very unwelcome.
One particular forum I am still a member of, but almost never visit now is so off putting I had trouble enjoying my time there.


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## palides2021 (Apr 1, 2022)

Bretrick said:


> I can say this site is so much better than other sites for over fifties.
> Some of them are really unfriendly and have cliques than gang up on members making them feel very unwelcome.
> One particular forum I am still a member off, but almost never visit now is so off putting I had trouble enjoying my time there.


I find that interesting, @Bretrick! I have not been on other sites to compare, but I find SF a wonderful group of people! You and others here have made it possible for me to also enjoy my time on this site. Thank you!


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## win231 (Apr 1, 2022)

Maybe the younger ones read about the older folks' aches & pains & don't want to be reminded of what's in their future.


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## Bretrick (Apr 1, 2022)

palides2021 said:


> I find that interesting, @Bretrick! I have not been on other sites to compare, but I find SF a wonderful group of people! You and others here have made it possible for me to also enjoy my time on this site. Thank you!


Thank you.
I suppose I do not grump and I try to spread knowledge and a little pleasure.


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## Jules (Apr 1, 2022)

Deleted.


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## Lawrence (Apr 1, 2022)

I feel that the youngsters feel awkward dealing with people on a senior's forum that are their parents' age. Like having to live in the same seniors home where your parents live.


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## Jules (Apr 1, 2022)

It may just be that the topics we tend to discuss aren’t of interest to them.  There have been some older members lately who also disappeared.


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## Lavinia (Apr 1, 2022)

Bretrick said:


> I can say this site is so much better than other sites for over fifties.
> Some of them are really unfriendly and have cliques than gang up on members making them feel very unwelcome.
> One particular forum I am still a member of, but almost never visit now is so off putting I had trouble enjoying my time there.


You also find that they keep talking about the same things over and over again.


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## Bretrick (Apr 1, 2022)

Lavinia said:


> You also find that they keep talking about the same things over and over again.


Plus they are much more serious. Jumping on those who do not agree with them.
Even the Moderators are harsh. They will make statements and close their own posts so no one has a right of reply.
Moderators even close a post if it goes slightly off topic.
This site has none of that so I will hang around for a little longer.


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## Fyrefox (Apr 2, 2022)

Actually, I’ve always found this site rather lively, and a breath of fresh air.  The topics are numerous and varied, and so much more engaging than a similar site where topics include such chestnuts as, “_What’s in your refrigerator?_” - - Puh-lease!


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## Tish (Apr 2, 2022)

@dseag2 That is a really good observation.
To be 100% honest with you, I really don't check a member's age, I treat everyone the same.

It's so sad that the younger ones have left, I am not sure if it is the lack of political/religious conversation or as you have observed they are sensitive.

I wish I had the answer, I really do.


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## ElCastor (Apr 2, 2022)

Many popular groups are probably heavily into politics. I completely understand how a group like this can be consumed by politics -- I've seen it happen, but by the same token many, particularly younger ones, would dearly like to discuss the news of the day. Pretty hard to do that around here, and for good reason, but for some, that prohibition is a turn off and they leave.


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## oldpop (Apr 2, 2022)

I would not think it is the members. The people here are very welcoming IMO. I would suppose we plant a seed and they may come back when they are a little older. I like it here because I am among people who think somewhat like I do. Otherwise most of my converstions are with thirty somethings and they have no idea where my head is at.


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## Lee (Apr 2, 2022)

It is not just the younger members that don't stick around, it is also many of the older crowd have either left or only visit occasionally. I fall into the occasional category I suppose although I used to participate a lot more


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## Bretrick (Apr 2, 2022)

Fyrefox said:


> Actually, I’ve always found this site rather lively, and a breath of fresh air.  The topics are numerous and varied, and so much more engaging than a similar site where topics include such chestnuts as, “_What’s in your refrigerator?_” - - Puh-lease!


So what is in your refrigerator?


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## Lavinia (Apr 2, 2022)

In my experience, there isn't a site quite like this one. As Bretrick has stated, on other sites the admins can be very censorious towards those who do not support their views. This means that you do not get a balanced discussion.
It also has to be said, that many sites are 'romance sites'. Here you can chat to those of the opposite sex without them thinking you have ulterior motives.


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## Pepper (Apr 2, 2022)

I never would have considered myself a senior in my fifties, no matter what AARP says!  I never would have sought a forum such as this.  Fifties is middle age, not senior, IMO.


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## Alligatorob (Apr 2, 2022)

Bretrick said:


> This site has none of that so I will hang around for a little longer.


Hope so, you help make this place interesting!  And you are one of the younger folks, just turning 60 a couple of weeks ago, I think.


Lavinia said:


> In my experience, there isn't a site quite like this one. As Bretrick has stated, on other sites the admins can be very censorious towards those who do not support their views. This means that you do not get a balanced discussion.


I have not been on any of those sites, just this one.  However I do appreciate your point, censorship here seems to be mostly limited to strongly political things and some words.  Both without taking sides.


Lavinia said:


> It also has to be said, that many sites are 'romance sites'. Here you can chat to those of the opposite sex without them thinking you have ulterior motives.


Now you have me interested in those sites, LOL!  

I think you are right, it is good to be able to communicate without those "_ulterior motives_".  I sometimes don't even know if a member here is male or female, it matters little.


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## Alligatorob (Apr 2, 2022)

Pepper said:


> I never would have considered myself a senior in my fifties, no matter what AARP says!


I agree, getting that first AARP advert was a bit of a shock.


Pepper said:


> Fifties is middle age, not senior, IMO.


I agree, and am beginning to see sixties the same way.


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## Della (Apr 2, 2022)

dseag2 said:


> I've now seen younger members in their 50's like Rah-Rah, Smiley Holly and MMinSocal go missing.  I was pleased that they joined because they offered a different perspective.  It is unfortunate that they left.  I'm only guessing that one must have a thick skin to participate in this forum.  Perhaps those in their 50's haven't developed the ability to let negative comments slide off their backs like we in our 60's, 70's and 80's have?  Perhaps they are more altruistic than those of us who are more jaded.
> 
> Not sure what the answer is, but if this forum doesn't become more welcoming to younger members and their views it will quickly become stale.  If you just want to spout the same old beliefs then good for you, but in my view we should do more to nurture and appreciate the views/posts of younger members.


I don't think of people in their fifties as youngsters who need to be coddled.  I also don't think of this forum as a harsh, negative place.

I post on several other forums where the average age seems to be early 30's, conversations there are far more argumentative and heated than anything I've ever seen here.  If I had to guess why people in their fifties have left I would think ElCastor probably has the answer, that they are more interested in talking politics or looking for boards that  cater to specific interests.

One of the "specific" forums I use regularly is Primetimer where we talk about TV. We average about 200 posts for every single episode of Survivor.  No detail is too small to be argued to death.  This forum is my easy going laid back happy place.


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## Purwell (Apr 2, 2022)

I have been banned from a couple of UK over 50's forums for no other reason than disagreeing with some of the "Little Englanders" (roughly equivalent to the U.S. Red Necks).

In some cases I was being goaded by some members with personal remarks, which were supposed to be against the rules, but as soon as I responded in kind I was banned.


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## charry (Apr 2, 2022)

I joined in 2014 aged 58, i never came on much then , but I was busy with hubbys illness….
when I get the time, I like to chat on here, it’s a nice site ,with nice people !!


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## Paco Dennis (Apr 2, 2022)

The SF is a virtual Circus. All the different attractions to visit and play with words and pictures and videos...and see if others respond with likes and loves and wows and anger. It is a game...and some take it dead seriously. Others like to keep it light and fun. Some people like the circus atmosphere here, but others don't and they leave...and sometimes watch from afar...sometimes play a game or two.


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## Alligatorob (Apr 2, 2022)

Paco Dennis said:


> The SF is a virtual Circus.


So who do you think our ring master, lion tamers, clowns, etc are?


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## Pepper (Apr 2, 2022)

There's different stages, @Alligatorob 
I think 60's is Junior Senior, or Young Senior


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## oldaunt (Apr 2, 2022)

Purwell said:


> I have been banned from a couple of UK over 50's forums for no other reason than disagreeing with some of the "Little Englanders" (roughly equivalent to the U.S. Red Necks).
> 
> In some cases I was being goaded by some members with personal remarks, which were supposed to be against the rules, but as soon as I responded in kind I was banned.


I got the same "personal remarks" treatment on a well-known quilting forum.......NASTY few hanging out there.


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## Paco Dennis (Apr 2, 2022)

Alligatorob said:


> So who do you think our ring master, lion tamers, clowns, etc are?


Ring Master : Matrix...others given responsibility over certain threads. 

Lion Tames /Animal Acts : Those who have the personality to deal with aggressive behavior, and also those who love animals

Clowns/arcades : People who like humor, jesters, irony, and rather not get to serious

Something for everyone.


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## Alligatorob (Apr 2, 2022)

Paco Dennis said:


> Something for everyone


So which one are you?


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## Medusa (Apr 2, 2022)

Pepper said:


> I never would have considered myself a senior in my fifties, no matter what AARP says!  I never would have sought a forum such as this.  Fifties is middle age, not senior, IMO.


Oh, I don't know; I am 57 and quite comfortable here with this group.


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## Mr. Ed (Apr 2, 2022)

Younger members have not acquired the level of perfection as us mature seniors have


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## Paco Dennis (Apr 2, 2022)

I love the circus. I prefer to be mainly an observer of the multi faceted talents and occasionally participate when "whatever" looks interesting.


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## Myquest55 (Apr 2, 2022)

I'm not on here every day but I find it a great place to ask questions and get some wise answers!  I'm a planner and because of that, we were able to retire comfortably in a place we hoped to find.  I recently had a conversation with my, much younger, neighbor (with a husband and 3 children), about planning for college and retirement.  She said that it has never really occurred to them to actually PLAN for that.  If they want to buy something, they just do.  

Being kind of an old fashioned gal anyway, I was appalled!  Maybe it was my parents or a class in school but I always felt it prudent to save $$ and was always careful with what we spent money on.  I suggested they talk to a financial person and make some plans - especially since I'm sure they hope their children will go to college.  She was thoughtful but I'm not sure if it sunk in.  Maybe the "youngers" just don't think the same way??    That said, I'd like to think that our collective experience (both good & bad) speaks for something.


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## Jace (Apr 2, 2022)

win231 said:


> Maybe the younger ones read about the older folks' aches & pains & don't want to be reminded of what's in their future.


I was gonna say ...and some of the "same old, same old" keeps coming up
that seems to be so far from their realm...that they can't relate.


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## Jules (Apr 2, 2022)

@Silent Rose left also.  She explained her reasons in her Diary.


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## Pepper (Apr 2, 2022)

Jules said:


> @Silent Rose left also.  She explained her reasons in her Diary.


I'm not at all surprised.


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## bingo (Apr 2, 2022)

well.....i've  never thought about that


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## Paco Dennis (Apr 2, 2022)

What about the phrase "we are all actors on a stage?" Sometimes we get caught up in our supposed role and some fur is gonna fly. Sometimes it is a love scene that brings warm and fuzzy emotions, and sometimes someone in the audience walks up to us a slaps us in the face. We all have been through all these emotions, and we all handle our experience differently.

As I have said many times here to defuse arguments..."There is no accounting for taste." Including mine.


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## Matrix (Apr 2, 2022)

Not sure about the younger members, but it seems that more and more new members left SF because of the harsh comments they received. 

I was once accused of trolling on a trading forum, I was so upset. If you find someone suspicious, please report them and let me  handle it, I can make a more informed judgment with information only available to admins.


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## fuzzybuddy (Apr 2, 2022)

It's just horrible in this forum. The crowd is so vicious, it makes Romans feeding Christians to the lions look like a love-in.
Anybody believe that nonsense??????
This forum is pretty tame. Thankfully, we can't fight about politics. It's a place to share what being a senior means, and sometimes it's being lonely. Anybody can join, but if you don't consider yourself a "senior", it's not your home. It's odd that you join a *Senior* Forum, and then wonder why younger people aren't joining.??????????

BTW, I found that if you don't pay attention to an irritating member, you find out that that stuff doesn't bother you. It is hard to do, the first time. You want to respond, but it pays off later. I thank the people, who told me how to handle it.


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## oldaunt (Apr 2, 2022)

fuzzybuddy said:


> It's just horrible in this forum. The crowd is so vicious, it makes Romans feeding Christians to the lions look like a love-in.
> Anybody believe that nonsense??????
> This forum is pretty tame. Thankfully, we can't fight about politics. It's a place to share what being a senior means, and sometimes it's being lonely. Anybody can join, but if you don't consider yourself a "senior", it's not your home. It's odd that you join a *Senior* Forum, and then wonder why younger people aren't joining.??????????


Maybe they expected high school seniors?


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## Lee (Apr 2, 2022)

Matrix said:


> Not sure about the younger members, but it seems that more and more new members left SF because of the harsh comments they received.
> 
> I was once accused of trolling on a trading forum, I was so upset. If you find someone suspicious, please report them and let me  handle it, I can make a more informed judgment with information only available to admins.


Matrix?I have felt at times that I was mildly insulted but did not report because I had a feeling that the insulter was a mod. We have no way of knowing who the mods are on this forum.

For this reason I stopped posting for a bit, felt like I had a sense of not "belonging"

My question is this.....if we contact you directly does it stay only with you?


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## Gary O' (Apr 2, 2022)

dseag2 said:


> I'm only guessing that one must have a thick skin to participate in this forum. Perhaps those in their 50's haven't developed the ability to let negative comments slide off their backs like we in our 60's, 70's and 80's have?


Guess I'm too dense to see it all

My feathers have been ruffled a couple times, but normally I have to get hit over the head with a Louisville Slugger to get my attention.

Anyway
Over all, I think this is wunna the best sites on this planet
A wide range of characters
A good range of topics
Very active
No politics (that's *huge*)

As it's been said, 50 somethings are a bit young for here


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## Lavinia (Apr 2, 2022)

Alligatorob said:


> Hope so, you help make this place interesting!  And you are one of the younger folks, just turning 60 a couple of weeks ago, I think.
> 
> I have not been on any of those sites, just this one.  However I do appreciate your point, censorship here seems to be mostly limited to strongly political things and some words.  Both without taking sides.
> 
> ...


Don't want to get too graphic but there is a belief among younger men that an older woman is very experienced and able to entertain men with raunchy chat!
Some of us have lived like nuns...believe it or not!


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## StarSong (Apr 2, 2022)

Pepper said:


> I never would have considered myself a senior in my fifties, no matter what AARP says!  I never would have sought a forum such as this.  Fifties is middle age, not senior, IMO.


My life was in a very different place in my 50s.  I had a very full household with three children (and then a couple of their sig others, too) until I was nearing 60, I was still working full-time, and life was generally very busy with activities common to middle-age life.  

SF wouldn't have been relevant at that time, nor would most SF members have found my life relatable.  By my mid sixties I was empty nested, semi-retired, and a grandparent - a life much more akin to others on SF.    

Ages and stages...


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## Remy (Apr 2, 2022)

I left a few years ago and then came back with a new name. I've actually almost left a couple of times when I was personally attacked. 

Perhaps with those younger, they may be still working and not feel like they fit in. I'm still working and I do get put off by some of the 'I have it all figured out and it worked out for me posts' when I'm actually very scared about my future.


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## oldpeculier (Apr 2, 2022)

Forums are like bars. Find one you are comfortable in and you'll come back. Find one you hangout in everyday and you'll soon be a alcoholic.  
P.O. the owner, bartenders, break the rules, or do something stupid to another patron, and the bouncers will escort you to the parking lot and convince you to leave.  J/K.

I need a drink.


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## Alligatorob (Apr 2, 2022)

Lavinia said:


> Don't want to get too graphic but there is a belief among younger men that an older woman is very experienced and able to entertain men with raunchy chat!


Did not know that!  But I don't come here, or look anywhere else for that, LOL

Happy talking to nuns, or almost nuns.  Or anybody else.


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## Lavinia (Apr 2, 2022)

Alligatorob said:


> Did not know that!  But I don't come here, or look anywhere else for that, LOL
> 
> Happy talking to nuns, or almost nuns.


Perhaps you've led a sheltered life! I must admit that the internet has provided me with an education on many subjects!


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## Packerjohn (Apr 2, 2022)

I didn't know that age mattered.  I just post or reply to whatever interests me and I never check whether someone is 50 or 90.  I guess it's important to others but not to me.  Hey, I don't even check if they are from Canada, US, UK or Australia.  It's what they think or say that "turns me on."  Guess I don't care if they are Grandma Moses or Dennis the Menace.


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## StarSong (Apr 2, 2022)

Jules said:


> @Silent Rose left also.  She explained her reasons in her Diary.


I just now read Silent Rose's explanation for leaving: 
Post #39 https://www.seniorforums.com/threads/the-silent-life.69930/page-2#post-2057375

I'm sorry to see her go and will miss her, but understand why she left. Bottom line: we didn't seem to be a good fit for her. She expressed discomfort a few times with SF's wide range of sometimes strongly expressed opinions. Also some frustration that conversations tend to meander off the OP's topic. To be honest, those aspects of SF greatly appeal to me. 

 Do we sometimes step on each other's toes here?  Yup, we sure do.  But most apologize publicly or via PM, or let subsequent posts and time heal our own and others' hurt feelings, or avoid future entanglements with the ignore option.    

A while back I had a few unpleasant exchanges with someone who was intentionally goading me (and some others).  She eventually left the forum, but before she stopped posting I was considering bowing out myself.  SF was becoming too stressful.      

A forum friend saw this unfurling and PMed a suggestion that I abandon most other threads and focus on the games, which I did.  I also spent 20 minutes unsubscribing to numerous contentious threads so they wouldn't hit my radar.  The games category brought me to kinder, gentler, friendlier members who didn't provoke arguments.       

Eventually things sorted themselves out and I again felt comfortable in all areas of the forum.  That said, I still "unwatch" threads when they get on my nerves or I've said and read enough on the subject.


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## Matrix (Apr 2, 2022)

Lee said:


> My question is this.....if we contact you directly does it stay only with you?



Yes, actually I'm the only admin. You can "report" a post/member, "start a conversation" with me, or send a message with the "contact us" link, all of them can reach me, and reach me only like private emails.

Please understand that I have no enough time reading every post. Sometimes I may not be aware of a forum drama, by the time I learned of it, someone has already left. If you are treated unfairly, you have to let me know. Sometimes I feel like an outsider and have no idea what's going on.


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## Wren (Apr 2, 2022)

Thanks for clarifying you are the only admin Matrix, I have wondered at times if there was an undercover admin assistant but now realise they are self appointed ! 

You’re doing a great job, SF is a well run  site and much appreciated


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## David777 (Apr 2, 2022)

Some members here complain about negative comments on this board, however I would disagree for the most part. That noted some of the COVID-19 posts have indeed been too personal. It is up to members to point such out without expecting moderators to be everywhere doing it all. On the rest of the web, forum communities have always generally been more caustic, especially those with little moderation.  Moderation here is about right.  Too much becomes an echo chamber.

Some people on any boards may complain simply because they tend to be emotional about most everything then tend to project their own supposed feelings on what others post simply because such disagrees with content they feel strongly about.  Instead one first ought give others benefit of doubt before narrowly assuming the true intent of what others post considering other possible interpretations.  If one is unsure, ask for a clarification.  The Internet is a terse communication medium unlike face to face verbal.

Sometimes members not liking a post may bait the poster with a response with an intent to annoy in order to enjoy an emotional reaction from their opposition.  All these and many more are games people play when in informal discussion.  Don't be a fool taking their bait and rather call them out for that agenda.


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## Grampa Don (Apr 2, 2022)

I know individuals vary a lot. But, both my sons are in their 50's and I can't imagine either one having much interest in this forum.  I suspect a lot of younger folks check in out of curiosity, follow a few threads, and then decide it's not for them yet.  Let's face it, some of the threads can be down right depressing.


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## charry (Apr 2, 2022)

Matrix said:


> Yes, actually I'm the only admin. You can "report" a post/member, "start a conversation" with me, or send a message with the "contact us" link, all of them can reach me, and reach me only like private emails.
> 
> Please understand that I have no enough time reading every post. Sometimes I may not be aware of a forum drama, by the time I learned of it, someone has already left. If you are treated unfairly, you have to let me know. Sometimes I feel like an outsider and have no idea what's going on.


its Good to know , who’s The Boss Person …..


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## Alligatorob (Apr 2, 2022)

David777 said:


> On the rest of the web, forum communities have always generally been more caustic


I think it is easier to be caustic and rude online than in person.  

I know I have to try harder not to be, sometimes successfully...


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## oldaunt (Apr 2, 2022)

I


David777 said:


> Some members here complain about negative comments on this board, however I would disagree for the most part. That noted some of the COVID-19 posts have indeed been too personal. It is up to members to point such out without expecting moderators to be everywhere doing it all. On the rest of the web, forum communities have always generally been more caustic, especially those with little moderation.  Moderation here is about right.  Too much becomes an echo chamber.
> 
> Some people on any boards may complain simply because they tend to be emotional about most everything then tend to project their own supposed feelings on what others post simply because such disagrees with content they feel strongly about.  Instead one first ought give others benefit of doubt before narrowly assuming the true intent of what others post considering other possible interpretations.  If one is unsure, ask for a clarification.  The Internet is a terse communication medium unlike face to face verbal.
> 
> Sometimes members not liking a post may bait the poster with a response with an intent to annoy in order to enjoy an emotional reaction from their opposition.  All these and many more are games people play when in informal discussion.  Don't be a fool taking their bait and rather call them out for that agenda.


 like this guy, he's pretty smart!


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## Devi (Apr 2, 2022)

David777 said:


> Some members here complain about negative comments on this board, however I would disagree for the most part. That noted some of the COVID-19 posts have indeed been too personal. It is up to members to point such out without expecting moderators to be everywhere doing it all. On the rest of the web, forum communities have always generally been more caustic, especially those with little moderation.  Moderation here is about right.  Too much becomes an echo chamber.
> 
> Some people on any boards may complain simply because they tend to be emotional about most everything then tend to project their own supposed feelings on what others post simply because such disagrees with content they feel strongly about.  Instead one first ought give others benefit of doubt before narrowly assuming the true intent of what others post considering other possible interpretations.  If one is unsure, ask for a clarification.  The Internet is a terse communication medium unlike face to face verbal.
> 
> Sometimes members not liking a post may bait the poster with a response with an intent to annoy in order to enjoy an emotional reaction from their opposition.  All these and many more are games people play when in informal discussion.  Don't be a fool taking their bait and rather call them out for that agenda.


This is a terribly lucid view of certain situations, @David777. It helped me to clarify what I've seen on occasion. Thanks.


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## OneEyedDiva (Apr 2, 2022)

I'm retired and sometimes get too busy to spend much time here. I can imagine it's difficult for the Gen-X'ers who have to also juggle families and careers. Some of these young people also have side gigs and are on several other social networking sites like Twitter, FB and Instagram.


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## Jules (Apr 2, 2022)

David777 said:


> Sometimes members not liking a post may *bait the poster* with a response with an intent to annoy in order to enjoy an emotional reaction from their opposition. All these and many more are games people play when in informal discussion. Don't be a fool taking their bait and rather call them out for that agenda.


Very valid!  



Alligatorob said:


> I think it is easier to be caustic and rude online than in person.


It sure is, not as much here as other places.


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## Manatee (Apr 2, 2022)

My son was 60 last summer.  Neither he nor I consider him to be a "senior".


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## AnnieA (Apr 2, 2022)

I'm 55 and have been around a few years.  Unfun heath stuff makes me physically about on par with my healthy 77 year old mom.  Have also kind of always been and old soul personality wise.   But the biggie is I like y'all and learning from people who are experiencing different phases of life.

Heated discussions are everywhere on the internet regardless of age.  This crowd is actually pretty well-behaved compared to other forums I've frequented.


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## SeniorBen (Apr 2, 2022)

Remy said:


> I left a few years ago and then came back with a new name. I've actually almost left a couple of times when I was personally attacked.
> 
> Perhaps with those younger, they may be still working and not feel like they fit in. I'm still working and I do get put off by some of the 'I have it all figured out and it worked out for me posts' when I'm actually very scared about my future.


I tend to ignore personal attacks and not respond. If I were running a discussion board, I'd allow political discussions but have a zero tolerance policy for personal attacks.


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## Aunt Bea (Apr 2, 2022)

I think that many people search the internet looking for the perfect place to belong, share, and grow. 

Some people create such a wonderful place in their minds that nothing will satisfy them. 

 Eventually, the pilgrimage becomes more important than the destination. 

Whatever the reason, I've been fortunate to cross paths with some wonderful people over the years that I wouldn't have met otherwise. 

_“Not so much two ships passing in the night as two ships sailing together for a time but always bound for different ports.”_ 
- P.D. James


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## AnnieA (Apr 2, 2022)

SeniorBen said:


> I tend to ignore personal attacks and not respond. If I were running a discussion board, I'd allow political discussions but have a zero tolerance policy for personal attacks.



I once moderated politics on a large board.  Personal attacks are going to happen in political discussions and it makes for a lot of work for moderators.  We had six, took shifts and it wasn't unusual to spend two to three hours a day cleaning up threads, issuing warnings.   The most immature posts I've seen on SF are by Americans who try to sneak in little snide disparaging remarks against the other 'side'.


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## Medusa (Apr 2, 2022)

StarSong said:


> I just now read Silent Rose's explanation for leaving:
> Post #39 https://www.seniorforums.com/threads/the-silent-life.69930/page-2#post-2057375
> 
> I'm sorry to see her go and will miss her, but understand why she left. Bottom line: we didn't seem to be a good fit for her. She expressed discomfort a few times with SF's wide range of sometimes strongly expressed opinions. Also some frustration that conversations tend to meander off the OP's topic. To be honest, those aspects of SF greatly appeal to me.
> ...


SilentRose left?  I'm really sorry to learn that; she is a sweet person and I thought she added a lot.  I have not read it yet, but it was graceful of her to explain rather than simply disappearing.


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## Lewkat (Apr 2, 2022)

David777 said:


> Some members here complain about negative comments on this board, however I would disagree for the most part. That noted some of the COVID-19 posts have indeed been too personal. It is up to members to point such out without expecting moderators to be everywhere doing it all. On the rest of the web, forum communities have always generally been more caustic, especially those with little moderation.  Moderation here is about right.  Too much becomes an echo chamber.
> 
> Some people on any boards may complain simply because they tend to be emotional about most everything then tend to project their own supposed feelings on what others post simply because such disagrees with content they feel strongly about.  Instead one first ought give others benefit of doubt before narrowly assuming the true intent of what others post considering other possible interpretations.  If one is unsure, ask for a clarification.  The Internet is a terse communication medium unlike face to face verbal.
> 
> Sometimes members not liking a post may bait the poster with a response with an intent to annoy in order to enjoy an emotional reaction from their opposition.  All these and many more are games people play when in informal discussion.  Don't be a fool taking their bait and rather call them out for that agenda.


That is spot on David and unfortunately, I've risen to that bait too often, only to realize afterward that I was the fool.


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## Lewkat (Apr 2, 2022)

My 55 yr. old son would be so insulted to be called a senior citizen.  I told him about this site and perhaps he'd like to have a look at it.  He stared at me as though I were a total stranger and then scoffed at such an idea.  Oh well.


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## Medusa (Apr 2, 2022)

Lewkat said:


> That is spot on David and unfortunately, I've risen to that bait too often, only to realize afterward that I was the fool.


You're not alone in that.  I think we're all susceptible to certain triggers and find them difficult to ignore, as we probably should. Gods know, it's happened to me and I'm left frustrated with myself over why I let myself get sucked in. 
We're human; it happens. WhatAreYaGonnaDo?


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## Medusa (Apr 2, 2022)

Lewkat said:


> My 55 yr. old son would be so insulted to be called a senior citizen.  I told him about this site and perhaps he'd like to have a look at it.  He stared at me as though I were a total stranger and then scoffed at such an idea.  Oh well.


LOL  To each their own; as I've just mentioned on another thread, I'm 57 and very much enjoy it here.


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## Sassycakes (Apr 2, 2022)

I have no idea why someone would leave this wonderful forum. I love it here and all the people that are members.


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## mrstime (Apr 2, 2022)

win231 said:


> Maybe the younger ones read about the older folks' aches & pains & don't want to be reminded of what's in their future.


I'm thinking we old folks bore them.


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## katlupe (Apr 2, 2022)

I came here purposely because of the no politics. It was like a breath of fresh air! If someone does not want to get into debates with others just don't go to those boards. That's what I do. There are plenty of other ones to keep me interested and that I enjoy. I recently put one member on "ignore" even though I never had any exchange with her. It was the rude comments made all over the forum by her I could not stand. For the most part I love everyone here. 

As for younger people leaving, not sure why they do unless it is that our problems are not common to them. As they are just thinking about retirement and many of us have been retired for a number of years already. Maybe it is depressing to them to hear what we are dealing with. Though in my opinion, I think most of us sound like we are enjoying our retirement just fine.


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## grahamg (Apr 2, 2022)

Lavinia said:


> You also find that they keep talking about the same things over and over again.


Are you referring to me there, (guilty as charged I'm afraid!)?


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## horseless carriage (Apr 2, 2022)

David777 said:


> Some people on any boards may complain simply because they tend to be emotional about most everything then tend to project their own supposed feelings on what others post simply because such disagrees with content they feel strongly about.  Instead one first ought give others benefit of doubt before narrowly assuming the true intent of what others post considering other possible interpretations.  If one is unsure, ask for a clarification.  The Internet is a terse communication medium unlike face to face verbal.


The written word cannot carry the same nuance as the spoken word, nor does it allow for eye contact and body language, all of which we use in communicating with others as we go about daily life. Every person has a unique communication style, a way in which they interact and exchange information with others. There are four basic communication styles: passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive and assertive.

It’s important to understand each communication style, and why individuals use them. For example, the assertive communication style has been found to be most effective, because it incorporates the best aspects of all the other styles. When we break down these four styles, we’ll better understand the characteristics of each style, standard phrases and what makes them unique.

Passive: Individuals who use the passive communication style often act indifferently, yielding to others.
Aggresive: It’s often apparent when someone communicates in an aggressive manner. You’ll hear it. You’ll see it. You may even feel it.
Passive-aggressive: Communication style users appear passive on the surface, but within he or she may feel powerless or stuck, building up a resentment that leads to seething or acting out in subtle, indirect or secret ways.
Assertive: Thought to be the most effective form of communication, the assertive communication style features an open communication link while not being overbearing. Assertive communicators can express their own needs, desires, ideas and feelings, while also considering the needs of others.

A search for the answer to the thread's title, not so much S/F but social media in general, showed that younger people are turning away from social media because they are becoming privy to the way websites store our data. How I empathise with that.


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## feywon (Apr 2, 2022)

Jules said:


> @Silent Rose left also.  She explained her reasons in her Diary.


Sorry to.hear that. Will have to go find that post.


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## Medusa (Apr 2, 2022)

horseless carriage said:


> The written word cannot carry the same nuance as the spoken word, nor does it allow for eye contact and body language, all of which we use in communicating with others as we go about daily life. Every person has a unique communication style, a way in which they interact and exchange information with others. There are four basic communication styles: passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive and assertive.
> 
> It’s important to understand each communication style, and why individuals use them. For example, the assertive communication style has been found to be most effective, because it incorporates the best aspects of all the other styles. When we break down these four styles, we’ll better understand the characteristics of each style, standard phrases and what makes them unique.
> 
> ...


Well, that was interesting.


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 2, 2022)

Aunt Bea said:


> I think that many people search the internet looking for the perfect place to belong, share, and grow.
> 
> Some people create such a wonderful place in their minds that nothing will satisfy them.
> 
> ...


Well said Aunt Bea.  I've met some wonderful people over the years, especially right here on this forum, you are one of them.  I think people have to keep in mind that others online are just like people in our everyday world, there are different personalities, some grumpy, some mellow, some may be going through some difficulties in their lives which cause them to behave a bit differently sometimes, etc..

  I don't think that age has too much to do with new members leaving, maybe they were offended by someone's reply, or perhaps they're just busy with other things in their private life and don't have much time to be on the computer.  This board is pretty friendly compared to some others.  I can't imagine how it is on social media sites like fb or twitter, never joined and have no desire to from all I've heard.  Too much negativity is unhealthy for any of us, IMO.


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## Jan14 (Apr 2, 2022)

dseag2 said:


> I've now seen younger members in their 50's like Rah-Rah, Smiley Holly and MMinSocal go missing.  I was pleased that they joined because they offered a different perspective.  It is unfortunate that they left.  I'm only guessing that one must have a thick skin to participate in this forum.  Perhaps those in their 50's haven't developed the ability to let negative comments slide off their backs like we in our 60's, 70's and 80's have?  Perhaps they are more altruistic than those of us who are more jaded.
> 
> Not sure what the answer is, but if this forum doesn't become more welcoming to younger members and their views it will quickly become stale.  If you just want to spout the same old beliefs then good for you, but in my view we should do more to nurture and appreciate the views/posts of younger members.


It feels like a tight knit group.  A lot are quick to point out their “seniority”, and I think it hurts others feelings.   Most people are just looking for acceptance and connectivity aren’t they?  Opinions should be taken with a light heart.   Like texting, a lot can be lost in translation.   A little drama makes things interesting, but for a lonely person, looking for acceptance,  it can be hurtful.   This is my observation.


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## Alligatorob (Apr 2, 2022)

Jan14 said:


> A lot are quick to point out their “seniority”


This is one place where "seniority" is not necessarily something to brag about, LOL


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## David777 (Apr 2, 2022)

Occasionally every few years reviewing examples of standard argument fallacies has wisdom.  An answer on quora nicely points to some other games.

https://www.quora.com/What-are-some-psychological-tricks-to-use-in-a-debate
Heath Weaver
snippet:

_Over the years I’ve seen a lot of tricks in arguments and debates. Tricks is probably not the best word, because most people don’t realise they are doing it. A lot of the “tricks” being used reflect biases that our brains naturally have because life can be difficult to wrap one’s head around.

One of the most often used techniques is *shifting goal posts* (I don’t know the official names for these kind of things). What happens is that when one person feels like they are losing ground they subtly change what is being discussed.  An example, you are arguing about who needs to clean out the bird cage. The girl says that because she did it last week, that it’s the guys turn (let’s assume they didn’t actually sit down and set a schedule). The girl complains and says, “I did it last week, it’s your turn.” The guy, says, “Well, I’ve done it tons and anyway, I moped the floor and you are messy.” Voila!!! The guy has just moved the goal posts as now they will start fighting about general cleanliness.

Another trick is to turn what someone says _*to mean something it clearly doesn’t*_ or assume or _*read into things *_the other person says. Taking the bird cage story again. The guy says to the girl, “Hey, you’ve forgotten to clean the bird cage, it’s your turn.” The girl says, “Why are you calling me messy? Why do you have to insult me?”
_
*Distraction *_works well, simply changing the subject. The girl says, “Husband, can you clean the bird cage? It’s your turn.” The guy says, “I had a really tough day today, did you buy bird seed? I mentioned we were almost out a couple days ago.” Girl, completely bewildered, stammers…

A really mean trick is _*stonewalling*_. Guy asks, “Girlfriend, can you clean the bird cage?” Girl ignores him and keeps chatting on Facebook.

One partner can_* agree and then not do it*_. Then after being reminded, say they will, but then not. _[Also may enjoy annoying the opposition they know will notice.]_

A fairly common and difficult trick in debates is trying to remember what was said. It is clear that we remember things how we want and trying to remember who said what is very difficult. If you are a horrible bastard (masculine or feminine) then you can simply _*change how you remember what was said*_. Girl asks, “Boyfriend, you said you’d clean the bird cage.” Boyfriend says, “No, I didn’t. What are you talking about?” Girfriend, tries to save face, “You said you’d do it two days ago.” Boyfriend stays committed to his story, “I have no idea what you are talking about, I never said that._


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## MrPants (Apr 2, 2022)

I come here occasionally when I have access to free internet (wifi). Almost exclusively to record my own travels in a diary so I have something to look back on once I can no longer get around so easily. Selfish maybe but I want to be able to look back at things I did and remember them in the same way I did when I was actually doing them, if that makes any sense?

My biggest fear in life is regretting things I never did & places I never visited while I had the chance to. I refuse to allow anything but health and physical ability to slow me down. I take all precautions with vaccines and what not but I do not and will not let recent events (Covid & the recent war in Ukraine) steal the final years of my life in hiding away. So far; so good

I do have to return to Canada soon though in order to maintain my Canadian health benefits and pension. It would be silly of me to not 'work the system', right?


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## grahamg (Apr 2, 2022)

MrPants said:


> I come here occasionally when I have access to free internet (wifi). Break
> My biggest fear in life is regretting things I never did & places I never visited while I had the chance to. I refuse to allow anything but health and physical ability to slow me down. I take all precautions with vaccines and what not but I do not and will not let recent events (Covid & the recent war in Ukraine) steal the final years of my life in hiding away. So far; so good
> I do have to return to Canada soon though in order to maintain my Canadian health benefits and pension. It would be silly of me to not 'work the system', right?


You've got me thinking as to "biggest fears" and what they might be(?).
All kinds of trouble may lay in wait ahead, not least because so many are alienated or excluded from their children's/grandchildren's lives, so no sources of support there likely for some of us, (whatever anyone might think we've done to deserve this treatment).
We're more than likely going to have to rely on someone for pur physical and mental wellbeing, possibly or probably strangers essentially, those paid by the state to perform their role, maybe cos they could get better jobs, (and I'd guess, "woebetide us if we don't look grateful for whatever they do!).
Scared everybody now I shouldn't wonder, though we may just "drop off the perch", (and be no bother to anyone, quick/cheap funeral and "bobs your uncle"!).


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## Jules (Apr 2, 2022)

@David777, that’s a good summary by Heath.  Some of those games get played here too.    

Thinking of a couple of younger people that disappeared, they tried to stay neutral but some of regular, very opinionated members weren’t allowing that.


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## Remy (Apr 3, 2022)

Medusa said:


> SilentRose left?  I'm really sorry to learn that; she is a sweet person and I thought she added a lot.  I have not read it yet, but it was graceful of her to explain rather than simply disappearing.


I do think, especially in the covid section, that political views come out. It was good of her to explain why she was leaving. On one particular board I was on (it was that post punk kitchen) people who stated they were leaving the board for whatever reason were immediately attacked and mocked. The called it 'flounce.' And as I stated, that was a mean board.


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## Remy (Apr 3, 2022)

"if one is unsure, ask for clarification" @David777 Very good point.


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## Lavinia (Apr 3, 2022)

AnnieA said:


> I once moderated politics on a large board.  Personal attacks are going to happen in political discussions and it makes for a lot of work for moderators.  We had six, took shifts and it wasn't unusual to spend two to three hours a day cleaning up threads, issuing warnings.   The most immature posts I've seen on SF are by Americans who try to sneak in little snide disparaging remarks against the other 'side'.


I think there are a lot of angry people around, who do not have an outlet for their angst. They come on sites such as this just looking for an opportunity to vent their anger on someone.
Remember this next time someone has a 'dig' at you. You may be just a whipping boy...not the real target.


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## Lavinia (Apr 3, 2022)

grahamg said:


> Are you referring to me there, (guilty as charged I'm afraid!)?


I was thinking of another site of which you are a member....there is someone who just won't stop denigrating Trump. It gets very tedious....I'm surprised that anyone still responds to him.


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## win231 (Apr 3, 2022)

Remy said:


> I do think, especially in the covid section, that political views come out. It was good of her to explain why she was leaving. On one particular board I was on (it was that post punk kitchen) people who stated they were leaving the board for whatever reason were immediately attacked and mocked. The called it 'flounce.' And as I stated, that was a mean board.


When someone wants to leave a board, _all they have to do is stop participating._
When they make a big show of leaving, they are acting childish, craving attention & sympathy & trying to make others feel just terrible about "Driving them away."


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## Pepper (Apr 3, 2022)

Yes, @win231 and it appears to be like what Michael Che said about Will Smith & audiences in general; that they are reacting out of their own insecurities.


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## Pepper (Apr 3, 2022)

win231 said:


> When someone wants to leave a board, _all they have to do is stop participating._
> *When they make a big show of leaving*, they are acting childish & trying to make others feel just terrible about "Driving them away."


Funny thing is, I notice this in more in members who have only been here a short while and in that short while seemed to be posting 24/7 during their brief associations.


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## JustBonee (Apr 3, 2022)

Lewkat said:


> My 55 yr. old son would be so insulted to be called a senior citizen.  I told him about this site and perhaps he'd like to have a look at it.  He stared at me as though I were a total stranger and then scoffed at such an idea.  Oh well.



I totally understand that sentiment from your son  .....  my three 50 something kids would react exactly the same. 

They aren't into senior citizen stuff at all    ...   No time for that in their lives yet. 

They spend their time  finding ways to keep up with their own kids activities,  and all the places that_ they_ go  online
.....  that seems to be a full time job these days!


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## carouselsilver (Apr 3, 2022)

I am not here often, but I do like this place!


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## David777 (Apr 3, 2022)

Just to encourage anyone of the value of occasionally letting one's mind churn through gears of understanding the logic of thinking structure per below examples. Enjoy finding some more nuggets we might laugh at.

30 Common Logical Fallacies–A Study Starter

https://academicinfluence.com/inflection/influence/logical-fallacies

Ad Hominem  (attack directed at the speaker )
_Speaker 2: Of course you would say that. You’re a Christian. Why should we listen to you?  _

Appeal to Authority, The argumentum ad verecundiam
_Aristotle thought women were inferior to men. Aristotle is one of the smartest men who ever lived, so he must be. _

Appeal to Ignorance Argumentum ad ignorantiam
_We haven’t found life on other planets, so there’s no life on any other planet, anywhere.  _

Appeal to Pity The argumentum ad misericordiam
_You should give me a promotion. I have a lot of debt and am behind on my rent._

Appeal to Popular Opinion The argumentum ad populum
Throughout history, most philosophers thought men were more rational than women, therefore this is true.  

Causal Fallacy
_It’s cold on a summer day. Global warming is a hoax.  _

Circular Argument Circulus in probando
_Speaker 1: You should trust the Bible because it’s the Word of God.
Speaker 2: How do you know it’s the Word of God?
Speaker 1: Because God tells us it is. _

False Dilemma
_If you aren’t a capitalist, you must be a communist.  _

Hasty Generalization
_My grandmother smoked for 80 years and died at 100. Obviously, smoking isn’t harmful. _

Loaded Question Fallacy
*Have you stopped beating your wife?  *

Post Hoc Fallacy Post hoc ergo propter hoc
_Every time we sacrifice virgins, it rains. Therefore, sacrificing virgins causes it to rain._

Red Herring Fallacy
_    Child: This fish tastes funny. I don’t want to eat this.
    Parent: There are children starving in Africa. Eat your dinner.  _

Strawman Argument
_   Speaker 1: I think we should have an expanded social safety net for the poor in our country.
    Speaker 2: So, you think we should just throw money at lazy people who don’t want to work and think they are entitled to be kept up by other people, right?  _

Non-Sequitur Fallacy
_My last boyfriend was really mean to me. All men are abusive.  _


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## Medusa (Apr 3, 2022)

Remy said:


> I do think, especially in the covid section, that political views come out. It was good of her to explain why she was leaving. On one particular board I was on (it was that post punk kitchen) people who stated they were leaving the board for whatever reason were immediately attacked and mocked. The called it 'flounce.' And as I stated, that was a mean board.


I'm so sad to learn that about anything connected with Isa Moskowitz as, when I was vegan and had all her books, I felt her to be a peaceful person.  It's really a shame, how nasty people can get in a group; that heard mentality at work.


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## grahamg (Apr 3, 2022)

Lavinia said:


> I was thinking of another site of which you are a member....there is someone who just won't stop denigrating Trump. It gets very tedious....I'm surprised that anyone still responds to him.


I'm afraid I can't comment on that, (forum rules doncha know!), thought it was me banging on about fathers/parental rights, or lack of them, that almost no one seems interested in here or elsewhere!!


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## grahamg (Apr 3, 2022)

David777 said:


> Just to encourage anyone of the value of occasionally letting one's mind churn through gears of understanding the logic of thinking structure per below examples. Enjoy finding some more nuggets we might laugh at.
> 
> 30 Common Logical Fallacies–A Study Starter
> 
> ...


You've saved me some work looking up those for us, (now how many do I probably use on a daily basis without realising it most of the time, and just what is "A no true Scotsman" logical fallacy, that didn't make the list???).


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## grahamg (Apr 3, 2022)

win231 said:


> When someone wants to leave a board, _all they have to do is stop participating._
> When they make a big show of leaving, they are acting childish, craving attention & sympathy & trying to make others feel just terrible about "Driving them away."


Unfortunately anyone doing their best to "drive me away" doesn't know how unbelievably stubborn, pigheaded etc. I am, (though not completely thick skinned or I wouldn't have noticed!).


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## grahamg (Apr 3, 2022)

Pepper said:


> Funny thing is, I notice this in more in members who have only been here a short while and in that short while seemed to be posting 24/7 during their brief associations.


An old boss of mine who I like to quote used to say things like, "I used to think how stupid my father was until I reached the age of thirty, then I was surprised how much he'd caught up in the intervening years", (or words to that effect, maybe inspired by a Dickens comment?)!  

I guess for "the younger generation" coming up against folks who won't necessarily agree with them, or back down in an argument, must come as a bit of a shock!


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## Jules (Apr 3, 2022)

win231 said:


> When someone wants to leave a board, _all they have to do is stop participating._
> When they make a big show of leaving, they are acting childish, craving attention & sympathy & trying to make others feel just terrible about "Driving them away."



If someone has been an active member, a brief comment that they have chosen to leave is appreciated.  No details are needed.  Some of us worry about a missing member.


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## win231 (Apr 3, 2022)

Jules said:


> If someone has been an active member, a brief comment that they have chosen to leave is appreciated.  No details are needed.  Some of us worry about a missing member.


Big difference between a brief comment & _"BooHoo, some people on this forum are mean to me......."_


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## grahamg (Apr 3, 2022)

Jules said:


> If someone has been an active member, a brief comment that they have chosen to leave is appreciated.  No details are needed.  Some of us worry about a missing member.


I'd worry more if someone said essentially, "I'm going into the garden, I may be some time", (or "outside" wasn't it in the case of Earnest Shackleton in Antarctica!)!


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## Lavinia (Apr 3, 2022)

Jules said:


> If someone has been an active member, a brief comment that they have chosen to leave is appreciated.  No details are needed.  Some of us worry about a missing member.


That's a good point, especially in the current climate.


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## grahamg (Apr 3, 2022)

Lavinia said:


> That's a good point, especially in the current climate.


Not necessarily on their deathbeds though, (that's asking too much surely?)!


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## Lavinia (Apr 3, 2022)

grahamg said:


> Not necessarily on their deathbeds though, (that's asking too much surely?)!


If anyone was concerned because I hadn't contributed for a while, I would be flattered that I'd been noticed. It's nice that people care.


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## grahamg (Apr 3, 2022)

Lavinia said:


> If anyone was concerned because I hadn't contributed for a while, I would be flattered that I'd been noticed. It's nice that people care.


No argument there, "but as a he-man" I sometimes find anyone nannying me a bit much, if you know what I mean?
(no jokes necessary about whether I'm a "he-man" you guys!!!!!!  )


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## Lavinia (Apr 3, 2022)

grahamg said:


> No argument there, "but as a he-man" I sometimes find anyone nannying me a bit much, if you know what I mean?
> (no jokes necessary about whether I'm a "he-man" you guys!!!!!!  )


Perhaps you bring out the maternal instincts in women.


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## grahamg (Apr 3, 2022)

Lavinia said:


> Perhaps you bring out the maternal instincts in women.


"You've got me there", (I do hope so!    ).


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## Remy (Apr 4, 2022)

Medusa said:


> I'm so sad to learn that about anything connected with Isa Moskowitz as, when I was vegan and had all her books, I felt her to be a peaceful person.  It's really a shame, how nasty people can get in a group; that heard mentality at work.


Yes, that forum was very active and very nasty. I got attacked more than once. Isa actually intervened twice. And once she did the little snits completely stopped. Not one of them kept up their crap which shows what little jerks they really were.

I think she may have partially closed the forum because of some of the behavior. She did have moderators but they weren't much either. The forum seemed to evolve to be little about veganism. Just a bunch of cliques signaling each other and trying to out woke one another and/or agreeing with each other left and right. . I think Ms. Moskowitz noted the issue. My opinion.


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## Remy (Apr 4, 2022)

grahamg said:


> I guess for "the younger generation" coming up against folks who won't necessarily agree with them, or back down in an argument, must come as a bit of a shock!


Absolutely! With some they will argue their opinion to infinity. I used to think (regarding some forums I was on) that the only way to shut these people up is to write 'I now agree with you, I think like you do and it's you and your opinion that made me change my mind.' Nothing else will satisfy them. Too bad that didn't happen.


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## Gaer (Apr 4, 2022)

I don't know why anyone in their 50's or even their 60's would consider themselves  a "senior".
but, that's just me.


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## Sassycakes (Apr 4, 2022)

Is the person that left is the one that put up a picture of herself and her beautiful daughter and they both had blond hair. ai thought she was wonderful.


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## oldaunt (Apr 4, 2022)

grahamg said:


> I'm afraid I can't comment on that, (forum rules doncha know!), thought it was me banging on about fathers/parental rights, or lack of them, that almost no one seems interested in here or elsewhere!!


Fathers absolutely SHOULD have rights, as WELL as obligations. The two go together.


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## Medusa (Apr 4, 2022)

Remy said:


> Yes, that forum was very active and very nasty. I got attacked more than once. Isa actually intervened twice. And once she did the little snits completely stopped. Not one of them kept up their crap which shows what little jerks they really were.
> 
> I think she may have partially closed the forum because of some of the behavior. She did have moderators but they weren't much either. The forum seemed to evolve to be little about veganism. Just a bunch of cliques signaling each other and trying to out woke one another and/or agreeing with each other left and right. . I think Ms. Moskowitz noted the issue. My opinion.


Good to know she tried, at least and didn't agree with what was happening.  I'm sorry you had to go through that.


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## Jan14 (Apr 4, 2022)

Gaer said:


> I don't know why anyone in their 50's or even their 60's would consider themselves  a "senior".
> but, that's just me.


What do you consider someone that is 60?  I’ve been considered  a child my whole life by my older siblings.  Yet I’ve had the most difficult life of us all!  I’ve had no voice in my family.  I’ve been in the military, a police dispatcher, owned my own business. I’ve battled chronic disease for 25 years, currently on dialysis awaiting a 2nd transplant.  Had 2 children, helped raise 3 step children. 6 grandchildren.  Do I have no wisdom?


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## Jan14 (Apr 4, 2022)

I enjoy the company of younger and older generation.


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## Gaer (Apr 4, 2022)

Jan14 said:


> What do you consider someone that is 60?  I’ve been considered  a child my whole life by my older siblings.  Yet I’ve had the most difficult life of us all!  I’ve had no voice in my family.  I’ve been in the military, a police dispatcher, owned my own business. I’ve battled chronic disease for 25 years, currently on dialysis awaiting a 2nd transplant.  Had 2 children, helped raise 3 step children. 6 grandchildren.  Do I have no wisdom?


You are equating wisdom with being a senior?  I would say you are an incredible  woman but this has nothing to do with being a senior.


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## Pepper (Apr 4, 2022)

Jan14 said:


> What do you consider someone that is 60?


Old Middle-Aged


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## Jan14 (Apr 4, 2022)

Pepper said:


> Old Middle-Aged


I doubt I’ll live to be 120.  Well past middle age


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## Pepper (Apr 4, 2022)

People are more youthful & healthy than ever.  Senior, junior senior, starts in middle sixties, IMO. Then there is middle old age and old old age.   Middle old age is like over 70.  After 80 you're just old.

eta
I guess there should be a category for over 90, now that so many can achieve that.  How about old old?


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## Jan14 (Apr 4, 2022)

Pepper said:


> People are more youthful & healthy than ever.  Senior, junior senior, starts in middle sixties, IMO. Then there is middle old age and old old age.   Middle old age is like over 70.  After 80 you're just old.
> 
> eta
> I guess there should be a category for over 90, now that so many can achieve that.  How about old old?


That’s complicated lol.   I think with my current illness I just am feeling older physically these days.  My friends vary from ages in 30’s to 75.


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## mellowyellow (Apr 4, 2022)

Age doesn't matter, good, sensible posts are ageless.


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## MrPants (Apr 4, 2022)

Pepper said:


> People are more youthful & healthy than ever.  Senior, junior senior, starts in middle sixties, IMO. Then there is middle old age and old old age.   Middle old age is like over 70.  After 80 you're just old.
> 
> eta
> I guess there should be a category for over 90, now that so many can achieve that.  How about old old?


My Mum is 101.5  I suppose she'd be in a 'fermented' category


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## grahamg (Apr 4, 2022)

oldaunt said:


> Fathers absolutely SHOULD have rights, as WELL as obligations. The two go together.


In the UK definitely no rights whatsoever, only obligations, and some tortological nonsense about the "right to send your child to school", or " the right to apply to the courts for contact", (something denied to grandparents until recently, and I'd suggest a whole heap of trouble and excessive costs should someone go down that route!).

Look on our UK government websites if you can't believe this is true, (and of course some of the worst dads deserve little or no rights, but good or bad you ain't got none here!).


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## oldaunt (Apr 4, 2022)

grahamg said:


> In the UK definitely no rights whatsoever, only obligations, and some tortological nonsense about the "right to send your child to school", or " the right to apply to the courts for contact", (something denied to grandparents until recently, and I'd suggest a whole heap of trouble and excessive costs should someone go down that route!).
> 
> Look on our UK government websites if you can't believe this is true, (and of course some of the worst dads deserve little or no rights, but good or bad you ain't got none here!).


I'm very sorry, that's just not right. Even the lousy deadbeat dads here have rights.


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## Marie5656 (Apr 4, 2022)

*When I first joined here, I was unsure if it was for me. I did lurk a bit, came and went. Then decided I did like it.  I have been a regular poster for a while now, though you will see I do not post often. It is usually I want to make sure that what I say is relevent to other readers.  
I do not always look for the reactions, thumbs up and such. I just want to hope that some of what I say is of interest to some. I think we all need to remember that what we share may not be of interest to all.  But if SOME readers get something, that works.*


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## grahamg (Apr 4, 2022)

oldaunt said:


> I'm very sorry, that's just not right. Even the lousy deadbeat dads here have rights.


I once didn't work for a few years due to mental health problems, did that make me a deadbeat dad in your view, (plenty do stop working willingly, or refuse to pay, and lose all motivation, if they had any to start with, so I'm not arguing that point, just that blanket labels may be problematic!)?

I watch fathers rights groups in the USA making endless complaints about your court system, (even though I agree, in some states it appears better, one or two even mentioning the word "love" or allowing a loving relationship between the child and the other parent to develop, not a word or words you'll see used here I'm afraid, or I believe this to be the case anyway).


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## Ruthanne (Apr 4, 2022)

I think this forum could stand more of us just being plain nice to all the newcomers.  Most of us are.


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## Jan14 (Apr 4, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> I think this forum could stand more of us just being plain nice to all the newcomers.  Most of us are.


I never realized there were so many grouchy seniors out there in the world until I got on this forum.  Yikes


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## grahamg (Apr 4, 2022)

Jan14 said:


> I never realized there were so many grouchy seniors out there in the world until I got on this forum.  Yikes


"You callin me grouchy sir (or madam)?!!!!!!!


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## oldaunt (Apr 5, 2022)

N


grahamg said:


> I once didn't work for a few years due to mental health problems, did that make me a deadbeat dad in your view, (plenty do stop working willingly, or refuse to pay, and lose all motivation, if they had any to start with, so I'm not arguing that point, just that blanket labels may be problematic!)?
> 
> I watch fathers rights groups in the USA making endless complaints about your court system, (even though I agree, in some states it appears better, one or two even mentioning the word "love" or allowing a loving relationship between the child and the other parent to develop, not a word or words you'll see used here I'm afraid, or I believe this to be the case anyway).


No sir, the deadbeat is reserved for those who have good jobs and refuse to provide for the children they walked out on. Those like my ex many years ago who kept switching jobs because child support garnished his wages because he wouldn't pay. I do understand life happens. Even HE got to see his kids.


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## Pappy (Apr 5, 2022)

Need one for the 30”s for this old fart. But I’ll settle for the 50s.


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## Pinky (Apr 5, 2022)

I think, as we grow older, we learn to roll with the punches and not take things so personally.


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## helenbacque (Apr 5, 2022)

Some of the younger ones might think aging is contagious and they will catch it if they hang around too much.


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## Jan14 (Apr 5, 2022)

grahamg said:


> "You callin me grouchy sir (or madam)?!!!!!!!


Never


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## grahamg (Apr 5, 2022)

Jan14 said:


> Never


I am though, (just above a bit today, but with "good reason"!).


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## grahamg (Apr 5, 2022)

grahamg said:


> I am though, (just above a bit today, but with "good reason"!).


Eeeee, never mind hey, when was life meant to be easy, (especially when dealing with lawyers telling you they've done everything in your interests!  ).


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## MickaC (Apr 5, 2022)

Marie5656 said:


> *When I first joined here, I was unsure if it was for me. I did lurk a bit, came and went. Then decided I did like it.  I have been a regular poster for a while now, though you will see I do not post often. It is usually I want to make sure that what I say is relevent to other readers.
> I do not always look for the reactions, thumbs up and such. I just want to hope that some of what I say is of interest to some. I think we all need to remember that what we share may not be of interest to all.  But if SOME readers get something, that works.*


I enjoy all your posts, Marie.


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## oldaunt (Apr 5, 2022)

grahamg said:


> Eeeee, never mind hey, when was life meant to be easy, (especially when dealing with lawyers telling you they've done everything in your interests!  ).


Lawyers are a special breed of devil.....


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## Jan14 (Apr 5, 2022)

grahamg said:


> I am though, (just above a bit today, but with "good reason"!).


I understand more than you know.


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## grahamg (Apr 5, 2022)

oldaunt said:


> Lawyers are a special breed of devil.....


Didn't think so, but I'm starting to wonder,......, (got some good mates who are lawyers though!)!!!!


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## fancicoffee13 (Apr 5, 2022)

dseag2 said:


> I've now seen younger members in their 50's like Rah-Rah, Smiley Holly and MMinSocal go missing.  I was pleased that they joined because they offered a different perspective.  It is unfortunate that they left.  I'm only guessing that one must have a thick skin to participate in this forum.  Perhaps those in their 50's haven't developed the ability to let negative comments slide off their backs like we in our 60's, 70's and 80's have?  Perhaps they are more altruistic than those of us who are more jaded.
> 
> Not sure what the answer is, but if this forum doesn't become more welcoming to younger members and their views it will quickly become stale.  If you just want to spout the same old beliefs then good for you, but in my view we should do more to nurture and appreciate the views/posts of younger members.


I am turning 70 this year, got here and like joining a senior center, I quickly learned I was much younger than the rest of the seniors.  But, I don't care, because I love seniors.


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## dseag2 (Apr 5, 2022)

I reached out to MMinSocal in a PM.  She is 56.  She responded that she joined the forum to learn more about tips on impending retirement and left due to comments/responses in some of the threads.  She also still works full time and wants something that is worth spending her spare time on.  Sorry to see her go.

I can totally understand her point of view.  I am already retired so this forum is more for entertainment than for information.  I think that you have to give it at least 6 months to understand everyone's personality, sense of humor (or lack of), background and views.  If was still employed I would not have that time.  

I still think that we need to be more welcoming to newcomers but I know we all have strong opinions, myself included.


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## grahamg (Apr 5, 2022)

fancicoffee13 said:


> I am turning 70 this year, got here and like joining a senior center, I quickly learned I was much younger than the rest of the seniors.  But, I don't care, because I love seniors.


No, you don't "love" me, (you're only kidding right?)!
BTW I've just turned 68 years of age!


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## Pepper (Apr 6, 2022)

dseag2 said:


> I reached out to MMinSocal in a PM.  She is 56.  She responded that she joined the forum to learn more about tips on impending retirement and left due to comments/responses in some of the threads.


Maybe she should have asked more questions, not sit back and let the tips come her way and not read threads too much for her?  Also, and I hope I don't get into trouble for this----there has been a 20% drop in daily members showing up since our firebrand, @Irwin, left.  *A coincidence* or a sign people enjoyed Irwin and the interest he brought to the forum?  The latter, I am convinced of that.  Not criticizing but I miss Irwin & @oldiebut goody or whatever his name was. And so do, apparently, 20%, of our members.


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## Jan14 (Apr 6, 2022)

grahamg said:


> No, you don't "love" me, (you're only kidding right?)!
> BTW I've just turned 68 years of age!


Then quit acting so darn old!


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## Jan14 (Apr 6, 2022)

I enjoy people that stir the pot a bit, by the topics they bring up.  I also like someone that can get a laugh out of me.


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## Remy (Apr 6, 2022)

@dseag2 That was very kind of you to reach out to the former member.

@Pepper I think sometimes people may be hesitant to start topics, especially if they are new. They don't have to be but might be. As far as the members leaving, I didn't know about that. I like Irwin. Do you know what's up with that?


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## grahamg (Apr 6, 2022)

Jan14 said:


> Then quit acting so darn old!


"Not quite with you there dearie", (must be my age, and unwillingness to do anything anyone tells me out of cussedness!  ).


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## dseag2 (Apr 6, 2022)

Jules said:


> @Silent Rose left also.  She explained her reasons in her Diary.


Thank you, Jules.  This was her quote:

"Like I had stated in previous posts here and elsewhere throughout the site, I have been taking my days here on the site as a day to day trial basis.

I have never been involved in anything like this before and I am not such a social person and what I am doing here is really out of my norm. I am somewhat uncomfortable with all of this even though the way of communicating is very easy for me with text. I joined this site mostly as it stated there was no political agenda and I suppose that is monitored in some way, but honestly it is in many ways still shown through in many of the strongly opinionated posts here and it is obvious that many people on here just want to start trouble with it and I from day one stated I was neither a person that was opinionated for or against any of that tension type of topics. Maybe it is because I have been isolated from most of the real world a lot of my life and I am very naive and thin skinned and that is my problem, but my decision is this sort of thing is not for me.

I have asked @Matrix to either disable my account or ban it and whether he does that, I don't know."

I'm not saying I necessarily agree with her.  I enjoy this forum.  But it is perception that counts, after all.


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## win231 (Apr 6, 2022)

For some, disagreeing or stating an opinion one doesn't agree with constitutes "starting trouble."
She did consider the likelihood that she was isolated from the real world, naive & thin skinned, however.  That's more than most people are able to acknowledge.


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