# What is the best response to this?



## hellomimi (Nov 29, 2020)

I'd like to seek advice from seniors rich in experiences and wisdom. I received text with an ABBA song ~ Take a Chance on Me. He said listen to the lyrics carefully that express my feelings for you.






Background story, I met this guy 6 months ago who volunteers for the organization I work for. We'd chat during breaks, never about work but about life in general. He's a widower, childless, and an established businessman. My friends say he'$$$$$ the perfect catch . In one of our talks, he asked about my lovelife and I said there's men pursuing me (he knows this) but I'm just getting to know them at this stage. He greeted me via txt last TG and I replied back a couple of hours later. He called yesterday but I was out shopping so I sent him VM that I'd call back...but...I totally forgot when I got home.

We treat each other as good friends (at least on my part), there's no romantic sparks at all. How do I respond to the message he's trying to convey? He's a great guy, but I am not attracted to him. I call him brother hoping he'd take the hint that even if we're getting close, it is not going to progress to a romantic relationship. He knows I'm a friend to all, so it's not like he's a special male friend. 

I'd like to hear from y'all the choice of words to say that won't make him feel there's a chance it will be us. I don't want to hurt his feelings either and I know somehow I have to come up with an answer <sigh>


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## Devi (Nov 29, 2020)

I would be up front about it. Tell him the truth. At least you may keep him as a friend, rather than him seeing you as a liar ... which would be worse.

Edit: so sayeth my husband.


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## hellomimi (Nov 29, 2020)

Devi said:


> I would be up front about it. Tell him the truth. At least you may keep him as a friend, rather than him seeing you as a liar ... which would be worse.
> 
> Edit: so sayeth my husband.


What choice of words do you suggest to avoid hurting him? There's a part in the song ~ you don't wanna hurt me. Baby don't worry I ain't gonna get you. He knows me enough to be assured I mean no harm to anyone.


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## Tish (Nov 29, 2020)

Tell him you are flattered but would like to keep the situation as friends.


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## JustBonee (Nov 29, 2020)

In reverse ... send him a video back,  and  tell him to listen to  the words  
(Sorry,  I know this video is a little too Country and  Texas sounding) .. but the sentiment is there.


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## win231 (Nov 29, 2020)

There is really no way to be honest without hurting him to some degree.  The hurt can be minimized but not completely avoided.


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## hellomimi (Nov 29, 2020)

win231 said:


> There is really no way to be honest without hurting him to some degree.  The hurt can be minimized but not completely avoided.


Thank you. I need to hear it's okay even if the message says he's strong and he can take it. 

If I see him next week, is it fine not to mention it when we get the chance to talk?


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## win231 (Nov 29, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> Thank you. I need to hear it's okay even if the message says he's strong and he can take it.
> 
> If I see him next week, is it fine not to mention it when we get the chance to talk?


If he's reasonably intelligent, he should get it by your lack of interest in romance with him.  If he doesn't get it, it may be necessary to discuss it, especially if he's the "Denial Type."


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## Elsie (Nov 29, 2020)

Bonnie said:


> In reverse ... send him a video back,  and  tell him to listen to  the words
> (Sorry,  I know this video is a little too Country and  Texas sounding) .. but the sentiment is there.


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## hellomimi (Nov 29, 2020)

I'm the type of friend who keeps in touch with them every so often. I give them space when they need it but I tell them I'll be there to talk anytime. In this situation, I'm afraid he may be more emotionally bonded to me if I continue to be myself. Among my hispanic friends, we say ¡Cuidate! to one another often.


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## Elsie (Nov 29, 2020)

Bonnie said:


> In reverse ... send him a video back,  and  tell him to listen to  the words
> (Sorry,  I know this video is a little too Country and  Texas sounding) .. but the sentiment is there.


He may be lonely for female companionship--BUT NOT likely.  He's a GROWN ESTABLISHED BUSINESSMAN he claims. You need not worry about hurting his feelings, his ego maybe, but not his feeling.  Tell him straight out you enjoy doing things with him, ...........  the same as you do with other friends........


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## Elsie (Nov 29, 2020)

Hellomimi, the thought suddenly came over me for you to break off with the guy as soon as you safely can.  I worry that he may be the vengeful type and he may get to the point of anger over not having you only to himself.  OR maybe I watch too many episodes of Twilight Zone.? LOL!


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## hellomimi (Nov 29, 2020)

Elsie said:


> Hellomimi, the thought suddenly came over me for you to break off with the guy as soon as you safely can.  I worry that he may be the vengeful type and he may get to the point of anger over not having you only to himself.  OR maybe I watch too many episodes of Twilight Zone.? LOL!


No, I don't worry about that. We're not in a relationship so no break up necessary. If I met him online and didn't get to see his work ethic, there's reason to worry. He's a decent person and if possible, I'd like to keep his friendship. But now that he revealed his intentions, I may have to tell him he's gonna stay in friend zone a long time. If he ghosts me, I lost a good friend; I just have to deal with it.


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## Gary O' (Nov 29, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> I'd like to hear from y'all the choice of words to say that won't make him feel there's a chance it will be us. I don't want to hurt his feelings either and I know somehow I have to come up with an answer


Seize the opportunity (suggestive remark) when it next rises;
Take his hand
Look him in the eye
Tell him *'I really enjoy your friendship'*
Then, let go of his hand.....and walk away


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## MarciKS (Nov 29, 2020)

I would just tell him the truth or if he doesn't know you're looking just tell him you're not interested in any relationship right now. If that's all he wants from you is someone to sleep with or whatever then it may be in your best interest to let that one get away given how you feel.


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## Jules (Nov 29, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> just tell him you're not interested in *any* relationship right now.


That’s the bottom line.  You value his friendship but aren’t looking for anything else.


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## Ren (Nov 29, 2020)

Tell him you have the perfect woman for him.  Your good friend would be a perfect match


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## hellomimi (Nov 29, 2020)

Ren said:


> Tell him you have the perfect woman for him.  Your good friend would be a perfect match


I don't know anyone he will likely find interesting. I'm the apple of his eye right now. Hopefully, out of sight, out of mind? We'll see...

I'm afraid to play cupid, the ones I tried to match here wasn't successful.


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## MarciKS (Nov 29, 2020)

If you don't tell him he's gonna keep making puppy eyes at you and being filled with hope.


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## hellomimi (Nov 29, 2020)

I'll tell him; I'm just finding the right words to say to cushion the blow. Hopefully, he gets attracted to another volunteer that is attracted to him also. <X fingers>


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## applecruncher (Nov 29, 2020)

Imo you're worrying WAY too much and overthinking it. Life doesn't always give us what we want.

He's a grown man. You've been respectful. He needs to look elsewhere for romance.


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## Rosemarie (Nov 30, 2020)

Tish said:


> Tell him you are flattered but would like to keep the situation as friends.


That's it in a nutshell.


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## Phoenix (Dec 9, 2020)

I've had relationships that started out as strictly friendships turn into more.  Friendship is the basis for a good relationship.  The zing wears off anyway.  I'd say go for it.  Honestly let him know where you are and then see if it grows into more.


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## asp3 (Dec 9, 2020)

If it were me being the man in this situation I'd want you to say "I like you a lot but just not romantically."  If you say this and he asks why I'd recommend you say "There isn't a romantic spark when you're with him."  You can substitute "romantic chemistry" for "a romantic spark" if that is more like what you'd say.


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## Kathleen’s Place (Dec 9, 2020)

Maybe tell him that you don’t feel like you know him well enough to “take a chance” with him yet. Keep it light. Keep the door open, but only slightly ajar. Or if you are really sure already that a relationship with him would never go anywhere, just tell him you really like him as a friend and would rather just keep it that way.


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## hellomimi (Dec 13, 2020)

Update: I saw him yesterday. He was working on the same shift I was working although in a different department. He approached me at breaktime in the lunchroom. This was the flow of conversation;

JG: Hey, you grow lovelier each time I see you. 
Me: Thank you. How are you?
JG: I'm doing well. 
Me: How did you know I like ABBA? Most people in our generation love their music. You know I really like you as a person. Your LinkedIn profile is a true reflection of your character. I want us to be friends, the kind of friendship where we can lean on each other in good and bad times. Friendship is all I can offer you.
JG: I totally understand. I just want you to know I have never met a woman that possess all the characteristics I've been looking for which I thought was impossible to find in one person. You brought so much joy to my life. Yes, I'll treasure the friendship and will keep on texting and writing you letters.
Me: Sure, meantime I have to go back to demo...

I'm glad there was no tension in the conversation. Thanks to all of you for listening and your valuable tips.


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## Chrise (Dec 13, 2020)

*You are ok in life, then keeping friends easier than the alternative...*


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## SeaBreeze (Dec 15, 2020)

Lots of good suggestions here.  I would just tell him I value our friendship and don't want anything to ruin it, but it is just that, a friendship and can never be any more.  I'd tell him that I want to be honest with him as a friend would.  If he can't respect that and understand that you're not interested in a relationship, then I wouldn't worry too much about his feelings anymore.  You have to think about yourself too, look at the changes you're going through over this.....best to nip it in the bud so you can breathe again.  Good luck!


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## SeaBreeze (Dec 15, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> Update: I saw him yesterday. He was working on the same shift I was working although in a different department. He approached me at breaktime in the lunchroom. This was the flow of conversation;
> 
> JG: Hey, you grow lovelier each time I see you.
> Me: Thank you. How are you?
> ...


Sorry, I didn't read this before I just posted.  I still think he's hooked on you and may not 'totally' understand, time will tell.


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## hellomimi (Dec 16, 2020)

SeaBreeze said:


> Sorry, I didn't read this before I just posted.  I still think he's hooked on you and may not 'totally' understand, time will tell.


I cannot control his feelings nor his actions, so I feel liberated now to be my authentic self without having to tiptoe around him after our talk.

You're right, only time will tell.


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## SeaBreeze (Dec 16, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> I cannot control his feelings nor his actions, so I feel liberated now to be my authentic self without having to tiptoe around him after our talk.
> 
> You're right, only time will tell.


You seem to have it all together, smart lady and I'm glad you feel good about the way it was handled.


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