# Of All Your Children, Did You Have A Favorite?



## SeaBreeze (Aug 20, 2014)

I don't have any kids, but there's a comedian now on TV making some jokes about admitting to having a favorite child.  Of all your children, did you have a favorite?  Do you think that even if some parents did, they would never admit it?


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## Warrigal (Aug 20, 2014)

I don't have a favourite but I love each differently. It depends on your definition of love.
If you are talking about unconditional love, then I have no favourites and the love is there no matter what.
If by love you mean an emotional response then it is inevitable that each child will evoke different responses according to their gender, order of birth, disposition and personality.

It is possible to love your child and not like them very much at the same moment. Same goes for husbands. Love is only love if it endures through difficult as well as happy times.

I would never utter the word favourite except as a joke. My MIL would tell my daughter that she was her favourite grand daughter but the joke was that she was the only one.


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## charlotta (Aug 20, 2014)

I have 2 children and I have to love them differently- not more or less.  My son does not want me to get mushy over him, so I try not to.  Sometimes I do anyway.  I do
always tell him I love him before he leaves  or we talk on the phone (which is not often).  My son never hangs up without saying he loves too,  My daughter on the other hand is very loving which is the way I was brought up.  My ex husband's family were not at all.    Even my daughter's friends were very loving to me.  I guess Maggie chose that kind of
friends.  
  That not saying she didn't slam her bedroom door when she got mad.  All my 2 sisters and myself would snuggle up with Mom and with Dad.
Dad was gone a lot and we didn't get to hug on him as much.  He never left the house without kissing all of us.  He didn't like for us to spend the night away, b / c he wanted to see us every morning for breakfast, no matter what time of night he got in, he always got up to be with his children.  My brother was kissed and hugged as much as the girls were.


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## rkunsaw (Aug 21, 2014)

No favorites here. I don't like either one.


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## JustBonee (Aug 21, 2014)

rkunsaw said:


> No favorites here. I don't like either one.



:lol1:  
.....  I love my three grown kids, differently but equally.  They get better with age,  and some days they amaze me! 
 I need their support so much, since their father died, and they have really come thru.  I'm seeing them in a different light since our lives all changed last year. ..


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## Falcon (Aug 21, 2014)

How could one conceivably favor one child over another? Does that mean you ignore the other ones?


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## Petula (Aug 23, 2014)

I am having problems with my daughter, and have heard of several of my friends, that their daughters went thru a period where they wanted nothing to do with their moms, and I guess we just have to have patience, and keep loving them, and hope they will get their heads on straight.  Several people have told me that I spoiled her.  In contrast, my son is just the sweetest guy ever. Go figure. I think Dame Warrigal has it right, we love them differently.


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## hollydolly (Aug 24, 2014)

Yes I'm afraid I do favour my daughter.

Could be something to do with the fact that she's my only child of course!! :bowknot:

This question SB is the million dollar question asked sometimes of parents and many of us will have grown up in a household where it was clear one child was favoured over the others.

I remember a debate once a few years ago where a childess guy was asking a friend who was the father of 3 if he had a favourite. The father denied extremely hotly that he had any favourites and said he adored them all equally.

He was then asked ( and I know it's an unfair question)..but he was asked...if you and your children fell into the ocean without being able to swim and you could only save one, which one would you reach out for first?

The father went instantly very quiet, almost like he realised there was one he might grab first.


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## oldman (Aug 25, 2014)

rkunsaw said:


> No favorites here. I don't like either one.



Just being curious, but are you serious?


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## Debby (Sep 2, 2014)

Falcon said:


> How could one conceivably favor one child over another? Does that mean you ignore the other ones?







Having a favourite kid is different from 'favouring' one over the other.  I have two daughters and one of them was always really difficult and argumentative.  Had all the answers and knew better than anyone else about everything.  The other was born with a 'tender heart' and was considerate and gentle.  Which one do you think was my 'favourite' or should I say simply, the one I enjoyed being with the most.  But I also made a point of being always fair and open and most of all loving to each of them.  That effort to be all of those things paid off, because I have wonderful relationships with each of them now that they are adults and I not only love them but like them.

I think it's easy to have a favourite kid, but as the grownups in the situation, it was our responsibility to give all our kids love and respect and fairness always.


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## Debby (Sep 2, 2014)

Petula said:


> I am having problems with my daughter, and have heard of several of my friends, that their daughters went thru a period where they wanted nothing to do with their moms, and I guess we just have to have patience, and keep loving them, and hope they will get their heads on straight.  Several people have told me that I spoiled her.  In contrast, my son is just the sweetest guy ever. Go figure. I think Dame Warrigal has it right, we love them differently.





I don't know how old your daughters are, but mine is in her mid thirties and a few years ago, her and her dad had a terrible spat (I was sort of collateral damage).  It was absolutely awful and I cried for weeks over it.  It took about two years to get over and I think I just made a point of phoning once a month or so, just little quickie calls to let her hear a moments worth of interest, etc.  Hated making those calls because they were always weird and strained and painful.  But we got through it, talked it out over that time and now, being six years past the 'Terrible Moment That Started It All', we're great friends again.  

So it can work out.  You're right, you have to be the grownup (do we ever get to stop 'being the grownup' by the way?), patient, loving, all that jazz.  

Isn't it funny, I always tend to think of relationships in terms of working with animals and if you were retraining a dog to be friendly (you rescued him eh?), you'd be careful to always think in terms of how their 'energy' was changing or not.  And you'd back off a little or press your advantage a little more by being even a little more close and always depending on them.  So think of it as 'retraining your daughter'.  Training her to be friendly once more.


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## Prairie dog (Sep 4, 2014)

Only had one son so, no problem.

Remember the Smother's brothers,one saying my brother the only child.


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## oakapple (Sep 7, 2014)

I think if you have several children, there will always be one that you do favour over the others, the thing is not to show it, but not always easy.It could be that the particular child needs you more [is ill a lot] or is nicer to deal with etc.As they grow up they will change of course, you may favour one more as a child, and yet another as an adult. Parents are not Saints.


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## MaggieJewel (Sep 15, 2014)

SeaBreeze said:


> I don't have any kids, but there's a comedian now on TV making some jokes about admitting to having a favorite child.  Of all your children, did you have a favorite?  Do you think that even if some parents did, they would never admit it?



I, like my mother before me, admit that my favorite is the one who needs me most at the time.  Both have been favorites from time to time, but overall I would have to say I loved them both differently.  My son is my heart, the one man I trust to never hurt me that I can give my unconditional love to.  My daughter is my hopes for the future I never was able to attain and the recipient of all my womanly wisdom from my years of life).  Of course, to them I will boldly admit that he is my favorite son and she is my favorite daughter.


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## Aunt Marg (Apr 29, 2020)

No favourites in our house.

I liken kids to a box of apples, they'll be one or two bad ones in the box, none will be exactly the same size and shape, but all are sweet.


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## JaniceM (Apr 29, 2020)

Nope.  It might sometimes seem that way as one has a personality and viewpoints similar to mine, so we relate differently, but as far as love goes it's 100% equal for both kids.


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## C'est Moi (Apr 29, 2020)

I love all my children the same, but as others have stated... it's easy to have a favorite.   Each child is unique in personality and it goes without saying that some are more difficult than others.   That does not mean we love one any less; just different.


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## jujube (Apr 29, 2020)

I only had one.  Not easy picking favorites in that case.


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## Ken N Tx (Apr 30, 2020)

C'est Moi said:


> I love all my children the same, but as others have stated... it's easy to have a favorite.


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## toffee (Apr 30, 2020)

my mother had 7 and favoured boys 3 of them - I have sons - love them both dearly but the youngest gets more of my attention '
they do say girls are hard to bring up -hormones 'boy probs ' attitude stinks most of the time ' boys I find forgive easy than girls looking at my siblings lot ' boys are not angels either I have had a few rough rides along the way when younger teens---
I find dont try so hard with your daughter let her be herself 'even if she hates parents at the moment , if she finds you re getting stressed she will play you more -and maybe a little stricter helps !


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## Mahatma (Apr 30, 2020)

i have one son and he can be all of the above
i usually upset folks who thrust their horrid bundles at me and ask "isnt it the most beautiful child you have ever seen"
and tell them the truth "certainly not, my son was the most beautiful child ever seen"


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