# Single By Choice , Single By Chance?



## CindyLouWho (Nov 26, 2017)

Are you single because of a deliberate choice you've made or by mere happenstance?


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## hollydolly (Nov 26, 2017)

I'm not single... but after the divorce from my first husband I was sooo put off by the idea of marriage I chose to stay single for 18 years despite proposals...rather than go through the hell of marriage again... I finally gave in... and now been married 17 years almost


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## Aunt Bea (Nov 26, 2017)

A series of deliberate choices!

Being single is much better, for me, than sharing my life with the wrong person.


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## jujube (Nov 26, 2017)

I'm single by chance AND choice.  I'm a widow (the chance part) and the Spousal Equivalent and I don't see any reason to marry (the choice part).


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## NancyNGA (Nov 26, 2017)

*Single By Choice , Single By Chance?

*A little of both. Good luck and bad timing got me through the danger period, when it seems you aren't thinking straight (i.e., in school). layful:

After that, I was actually interested in the job I had, fewer contacts with people, got more apprehensive about the whole idea of marriage in general, and being alone never scared me.  (Only child syndrome?)

I agree with this...



Aunt Bea said:


> ...Being single is much better, for me, than sharing my life with the wrong person.


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## dollie (Nov 26, 2017)

single by choice  been married 3 times ----i am not taking any more chances


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## Wren (Nov 26, 2017)

I’m single by choice, I don’t have the interest or patience to get involved with anybody at this stage in my life


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## rgp (Nov 26, 2017)

Divorced 45 years...No desire to re-marry. Most of the women I met over the years came with a whole lotta-baggage. Other men's kids, I never was attracted to a ready made family. As I aged the "baggage" changed / expanded.....those kids moved back in with mom...and brought their kids...


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## Smiling Jane (Nov 26, 2017)

Wren said:


> I’m single by choice, I don’t have the interest or patience to get involved with anybody at this stage in my life



I got into a terrible marriage when I was young. When I got divorced, I swore I would never make that mistake again.

Now I tell my friends I don't want anyone coming into my house, planting his fanny on my sofa and asking what I'm making for his dinner. I can't believe I ever let anyone get by with that. At the senior center where I do tai chi, there are quite a few single guys who hit on every new woman who walks in the door. I asked one of the women who's been there for a while what that was about -- they want someone to cook and clean for them. No thanks. Able-bodied adults need to do those things for themselves.


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## Kaya (Nov 26, 2017)

If my spouse goes before I do..then I will stay single by choice. Heck, I already feel single now. Have my own bedroom, do my own thang, go where I want when I want. However, I still cook for him now and then since he is so totally helpless (eye roll), and when I get sick, I am on my own. I can do that single, too, so why have a spouse? Because he is my best friend. And that's it!! I was hoping he would tire of my celibacy..alas...he hasn't. Where would he find another woman to do his laundry, house cleaning and cooking?


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## SeaBreeze (Nov 26, 2017)

I'm happily married for over forty years, but if my husband passes before I do, I will be single by choice also.  I doubt I would want any kind of romantic relationship with anyone else, rather be on my own.


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## terry123 (Nov 27, 2017)

Another marriage no but a SO yes. I miss the companionship and intimacy with another person.  But at this stage in my life its not likely to happen.


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## moviequeen1 (Nov 27, 2017)

I never found "Mr Right",I like being single,sometimes I get lonely but I deal with it. Sue


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## IKE (Nov 27, 2017)

SeaBreeze said:


> I'm happily married for over forty years, but if my *wife* passes before I do, I will be single by choice also. I *wouldn't* want any kind of romantic relationship with anyone else, rather be on my own.



I changed a couple of words above to suit me but that's exactly the same way I feel also.


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## fuzzybuddy (Dec 1, 2017)

I'm kind of both. When I look back at my childhood, I can't recall ever being hugged. But I'm quite happy being alone. It doesn't bother me. Whether that's who I am, or how I was brought up, today, it doesn't matter.


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## Pete (Dec 1, 2017)

CindyLouWho said:


> Are you single because of a deliberate choice you've made or by mere happenstance?



My wife died after 28 years of marriage and I am either too lazy and/or too ugly to burden another woman with my eclectic way of life. 
Then again it could be after 14 years living alone in an off-grid cabin in the far North of Alaska
I am just too set in my ways?


Here we see my children visiting me near my home in Alaska


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## Granny B. (Dec 2, 2017)

fuzzybuddy said:


> I'm kind of both. When I look back at my childhood, I can't recall ever being hugged. But I'm quite happy being alone. It doesn't bother me. Whether that's who I am, or how I was brought up, today, it doesn't matter.



I was never really hugged either, and no one ever said "I love you."  Guess that's how things were for a lot of people.  But here's a hug for you now, from me.


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## Ken N Tx (Dec 2, 2017)




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## MarkinPhx (Dec 4, 2017)

More by choice than chance. I'm content being alone and would never jump into a relationship just for the sake of being in one. However , I am open to one if the pieces were to fall in place.


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## Sunny (Dec 4, 2017)

I was married for nearly 54 years, have been widowed for 7. I have no desire to remarry, and am reasonably contented with my singlehood. I have a loving family and lots of friends, which is all I need at this stage of life.


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## Denise1952 (Dec 6, 2017)

I've been single over 20 years now.  I was married 4 times, but only a total of 6 years.  I tell folks my picker was/is broke, but the men in my life had broken pickers too.  Neither party got a bargain.  I didn't know how to "do" marriage.  I couldn't cook when I left home (at least I didn't know how) I didn't have a desire for family (children), I didn't know what to do for vocation/career, I was lost.  I wanted the "fairytale" and believed it was "out there", I just had to find the "right" man.

What I learned was, that I have to be happy within myself, not expect someone else to do the job for me.  I believe now, happy, and secure attracts happy and secure, someone that doesn't "need", but wants a relationship.  Being human, it is nice to know someone excepts you warts and all.  My biggest problem was always looking at the other person's faults, instead of working on my own.  

I believe I haven't met anyone because I don't want to deal with it now, a sharing relationship because I've gotten too, damn selfish.  I also think I am afraid the same things would still happen.  So I stay alone.  I won't say I am happy, and content being alone, but most of the time, I can make the best of it

I'm see on this thread lots of singles, for one reason or another.  At least we aren't "alone" in that situation.  It's good to have folks that understand what it is to be single, especially single at our age. Denise


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## CindyLouWho (Dec 6, 2017)

Denise, I understand what you are saying and I'm grateful, as well, to be able to be on this forum. I know we have to make the best of the situation we are in,believe me, but, for me, I don't want to keep "making the best of it", forever and be content with that. I have to keep hoping that there has to be more around the bend, a purpose, a reason, an answer to why I am "here".
Controversial as he may be to some, I listen to Joel Osteen sometimes, I consider him more of a motivational speaker............and I feel a little better after listening to him. Whatever works!


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## Denise1952 (Dec 6, 2017)

LMBO, but wait, we used to call those "young" boyfriends that date, older, rich women, Gigolos

Edit: this refers to Ken in Texas' joke above, sorry, should have quoted it.  It's #18 on thread.


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## CindyLouWho (Dec 6, 2017)

Regarding my post, Denise or just referring to your original post?  What do you mean?


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## Denise1952 (Dec 6, 2017)

CindyLouWho said:


> Denise, I understand what you are saying and I'm grateful, as well, to be able to be on this forum. I know we have to make the best of the situation we are in,believe me, but, for me, I don't want to keep "making the best of it", forever and be content with that. I have to keep hoping that there has to be more around the bend, a purpose, a reason, an answer to why I am "here".
> Controversial as he may be to some, I listen to Joel Osteen sometimes, I consider him more of a motivational speaker............and I feel a little better after listening to him. Whatever works!



I do hope for "something" more than I have, I don't think age changes our heart's desire to have someone in our lives I'm just willing to accept things the way they are because it brings me more happiness than longing for what I don't have.


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## Denise1952 (Dec 6, 2017)

Should have quoted Ken's joke, that's what I was commenting on


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## CindyLouWho (Dec 6, 2017)

Ohhhh...ok, I see.


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## Denise1952 (Dec 6, 2017)




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## Denise1952 (Dec 6, 2017)

omg!!


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## tortiecat (Dec 6, 2017)

Like Sunny I was married happily for 59 years and have been widowed for 6.  I have no
interest in remarrying, enjoy my freedom and independence.  Have family and friends,
and lots of social life  here at the residence, but I'm very content to come back to my
apartment and curl up with my cat and a good book .


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## Marie5656 (Dec 6, 2017)

*Prior to my marriage in 2001 I was single by choice.   Should I become single again, I think I would again, stay single by choice.*


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## RadishRose (Dec 6, 2017)

This time, it's by choice.


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## Ruthanne (Dec 8, 2017)

Aunt Bea said:


> A series of deliberate choices!
> 
> Being single is much better, for me, than sharing my life with the wrong person.


Until awhile ago I would have said this.  I have met someone who astonishes me.  He is refreshing compared to all the wrong ones I have met.  All I can say is Wow.


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## sortbreadlover (Feb 17, 2018)

ann landers(remember her?)  said anyone can get married if they aim low enough.  she was right.  take a good look around.  point proved


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## Catlady (Feb 17, 2018)

I was married young for 4 1/2 years and had one child and got divorced at 24 (he was a serial cheater).  For a long time I kept hoping I would find my 'soul mate' but never found one and refused to marry the losers that asked me.  When I was 59 I finally realized my soul mate was never going to happen and I became resigned to my fate.  Since then I've been very happy and no regrets.  I'm very independent and a loner by nature, anyway.  My one child and my cats are all the family I need and my privacy is paramount to me.  Love my life as is now, no one to have to be a nurse and maid for except myself and my fur balls.


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## Shalimar (Feb 17, 2018)

Single by choice, until I met Philly. When everything is settled, we will marry.


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## hearlady (Feb 18, 2018)

Shalimar said:


> Single by choice, until I met Philly. When everything is settled, we will marry.


Nice!


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## Shalimar (Feb 18, 2018)

hearlady said:


> Nice!


Thank you.


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## helenbacque (Feb 18, 2018)

I've been married and I've been single.  I like single better and have remained so - by choice -  for past 20 years.


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## ProsperosDaughter (Feb 18, 2018)

I am single because of a deliberate choice.


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## peppermint (Feb 19, 2018)

I would never marry if my husband past....51 years is a long time to be with a partner....Who wants an old man....Sorry old men....But I'm old too, so why would I want
someone that may not be a great guy like my husband...No One could compare....  

I don't post here much, but "Hello Everyone"....


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## Shalimar (Feb 19, 2018)

Hi, peppermint, nice to see you.


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## hollydolly (Feb 19, 2018)

Hello backatcha  Peppermint...  and I think you're absolute right in your assertion... sometimes if people have had a long and wonderful marriage they just can't imagine themselves with anyone else..


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## KingsX (Feb 19, 2018)

.

I was married for a short amount of time then divorced decades ago.

Because I highly value my privacy and independence, I have been blissfully single ever since.


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## debodun (Feb 20, 2018)

Yes to both. Nobody ever proposed to me and I'm just as happy.


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## AZ Jim (Feb 20, 2018)

My wonderful wife is older than me but we have been together almost 50 years.  If I lose her, I'll die single.


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