# Your ex-spouse



## Glinda

Imagine seeing your ex-spouse on the street.  Do you greet them?  Chat for a while?  Is it pleasant or uncomfortable?  I was married for 14 years (no children).  I've been happily single since 1990.  The one time I saw my ex was about 2001.  He nodded.  I walked on by.  Sad but necessary IMO.  How about you?


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## GeorgiaXplant

Whatsisname, The Father of My Children, and I have stayed in touch over the years and are quite friendly. He's a nice guy and always was. I'm probably nice, too, but we weren't nice together. He lives on the left coast now, and I haven't seen him since our son died in 2003, but we email often...probably at least once a week. His trophy wife doesn't seem to object. Why would she? She's the one who will inherit


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## AZ Jim

Not being able to live together as a married couple should not make us enemies.  That being said if the relationship was abusive the dynamics change and you probably avoid any contact.


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## Josiah

I see my ex-wife from time to time when I'm visiting my sons. I'm excruciatingly cautious about not discussing anything that might open up old wounds. Actually my ex-wife was particularly outgoing and kind to my wife who at the time of this meeting was showing pronounced signs of cognitive impairment.


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## Ameriscot

I doubt I'd know my first ex, father of my children, if I passed him on the street, which is highly unlikely.  Not even sure what state he lives in.  Second ex, no idea where he is and don't care.


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## hollydolly

I saw my ex for the first time in 20 years one evening last summer..I was driving home from work and he was walking the opposite direction. I'm owed a zillion explanations on behalf of my daughter who he abandoned  in favour of someone other woman's kids, and also my daughter became a super successful in her both her private and business life as well as being a lovely human being and I wanted to tell him how he'd missed  all of that, I'd  thought about it many times over the years.....I briefly braked , he looked around at my car and I could see there was no recognition in his eyes, and then in seconds I changed my mind and drove on the 500 hundred or so yards to my house . I had no idea that he was in this area, the last I knew he was living 2 towns away...came to discover later that he's been living literally 1/4 of a mile away for the last few years with yet another wife..

I felt guilty immediately that I hadn't taken my chance and stopped and demanded answers for my daughter, so as soon as I got indoors I called her  and explained, and said I was sorry that I'd had the chance to speak to him and didn't take it, and did she wish I had...she was appalled, and told me that as far as she was concerned he was dead to her, we owed him nothing, ...that I'd raised her single handedly with no emotional support or financial help from him from our divorce when she was just 8 , we'd always lived in the same house he knew where we were yet he chose not to contact her..so she doesn't ever want him to be any part of her life.

the irony of it all is that he turned his back on his first born, and all the children (3) that he had and raised  with other women have turned out to be no good wasters 

Sad, but I totally understand her..so in answer to the OPs question  if I were to pass him in the street, I would have to ignore him because I couldn't possibly speak to him without raising the subject of our daughter and I have to abide by her wishes.


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## AprilT

My ex, has a twin.  LOL, either way, I really don't see the point in us having a chat, but if it came to that, I'd be cordial, just as I imagine he might be, but, I pretty sure it would a very short talk like how's the weather or something.  Now some of my ex beaus  that's a different story, we might have a long chat even sit for a bit over coffee/tea, time permitting.


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## Ameriscot

The father of my kids has not seen them since they were 8 and 10.  We divorced when they were 4 and 6.  They refer to him as their biological father as he was never a real father.  As soon as our divorce was final he married an 18 year old - he was 26.  Last I heard they were still married and have a son and a daughter.  My boys are still in touch with the paternal aunts, so found out through them but have absolutely no desire to ever see him.


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## hollydolly

Annie mine married a 19 year old ( he was 30) she was already just about to give birth to someone else's kid...!!!!!! needless to say that didn't last and he's on number 3 now


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## Ameriscot

hollydolly said:


> Annie mine married a 19 year old ( he was 30) she was already just about to give birth to someone else's kid...!!!!!! needless to say that didn't last and he's on number 3 now



Mine married an 18 year old twice - I was the first one.  One good thing you can say for your ex - your daughter.


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## hollydolly

Oh yes I've always said that much


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## Ameriscot

And from mine I got my two sons.


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## Denise1952

I know where all my X's are, and only one lives near enough to run into.  Unfortunately, he's my first husband, and he beat me up and I thought, this ain't workin out, so that was the end of that.  Well, I did give him a ride on the hood of that 66 Buick Gran Sport he'll never forget, as an "I'm leaving you" gift. I'll never forget his pitiful face staring through the windshield at me yelling "you don't want to hurt me", and me saying, stay on there and find out!

He lives about .5 miles away, and if I saw him in time, I would avoid him.  If he saw me, he would run.


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## QuickSilver

My Ex is still the way he always was... Self absorbed and clueless about the feelings of others...  If it isn't all about him... He isn't interested..


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## Cookie

If I saw my ex on the street I would definitely say hello and we'd have a big hug.  I'd want to know what he's doing in town and probably might even have a drink with him.  But that's all.  I've come to the conclusion that if he did me wrong, it was because he really didn't know any better or still doesn't know any better and leave it at that.


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## lovemylittleboy

Not me Cookie! No way buddy. He is still abusive mentally and physically.. he treated his kids like dirt and still likes to if they ever talk. And thank God they don't talk much with him. He is a poor example of a "DAD" none the less a husband.  It took 20 years to get away form him ....................and I would never look back


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## Kadee

I have mentioned my ex on here before,Some may remember he was involved with Jehovas Wittiness, He passed some time ago, I mentioned at the time , i took the two youngest kids to the service and his coffin was parked by the toilet it was fitting Rubbish in the correct place yes I'm bitter , but many may remember me posting how he had me evicted from the home because I choose to save my sons life,instead of leaving in Jehovas hands .....to make my son well..who was 6 months old at the time ... He is now 40 and healthy


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## GeorgiaXplant

Sounds like a Jehova's _Witless_.


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## lovemylittleboy

Right Choice!!!! God Bless you!:goodjob:


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## tnthomas

I don't have anything to say to her, and that gives me peace.    Back when it mattered to me, nobody wanted to listen.


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## charlotta

I was married for 9 yrs and the temper of his was getting worse.  We had a 3 yr old son and I told him I wanted a divorce.  I had told him when he began pushing and hitting me that he had killed my love for him. He promised me
that he would get counseling.  I was already going.  Then the hammer fell.  I found out I was pregnant again.  I wanted to scream.  He went to counseling once and he said it wasn't a good fit.  I urged him to try another.  I left for good as soon as I could.  He did help with child support and I worked.  The children stayed in his life, but my son suffers from the temper that his father has.  I let him go live with his father when he was in 4th gr.  It was his choice.  
To end this story, my ex married a wonderful women, who is well heeled.  I am good friends with her and she loves
my children, so you know I appreciate her.  She took a lot of heat off of me, but he still hates me.  I can live with it.  I asked her in private once, if he had ever put his hands on her, and she said yes.  She told him if he ever touched her in a threatening way again, he would have to go.  She owns a very nice home on the water in Florida
and has a nice inheritance.  I guess he decided he better not.  
Added note:  I use to pray every night that he would fail to come home.  I also promised God that if he let me out of that marriage, I would not marry again.


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## lovemylittleboy

lol lol Denise,  you go girl.  lol lol


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## QuickSilver

My ex married the woman he was cheating on me with.  They had two children..  My ex more or less forgot all about the two he had with me.  We have seen one another occasionally over the years at family events involving our mutual grandchildren..  and have been cordial.   Hes wife died 2 years ago.  He is bitter lonely old man.  He also has some dementia according to the kids.   I don't have any particular feelings for him..


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## hollydolly

That's a very sad story Charlotta...sorry you had to go through all that...


Denise wow, what a star..I want you in my corner when the chips are down...wooooooooo tiger!!


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## ndynt

My first husband passed away.  My second, I have no idea where he is.  His daughter has tried to find him, unsuccessfuly.  I feel bad that he did not have the opportunity to know what a lovely person she became.  Or, to share in the life of his beautiful grand and great grand children.  I would be cordial to him.  Even though I wasted 10 horrible years, with a controlling, partying, immoral man.   He has three other children that I know about.  Do not know if he ever remarried though.


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## Lon

I  am in touch with my second wife of 22 years via email and phone. I am completing our 2014 Income Taxes and have had to get some data from her to finish the taxes. Our contacts are somewhat strained, but cordial.


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## Josiah

I'll try to tread as lightly on this subject, but I see the contributors to this thread as a group of really consequential people (well mostly women) and yet a significant number of your ex's turned out to be real low lifes. Am I naive in thinking that this really isn't normal?


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## Ameriscot

Josiah said:


> I'll try to tread as lightly on this subject, but I see the contributors to this thread as a group of really consequential people (well mostly women) and yet a significant number of your ex's turned out to be real low lifes. Am I naive in thinking that this really isn't normal?



Hopefully it's not typical.  But we did divorce these men for a reason.  I think many of us married too young and make poor choices.


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## mitchezz

Depends.......if I was in my car I'd be tempted to run him over otherwise I'd just ignore him.


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## Shalimar

Mitchezz, good one!


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## Temperance

Not a word.  Have nothing at all to say to him.


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## RadishRose

Thank goodness it hasn't happened. I think my heart would stop even though we broke up almost 30 years ago.


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## Louis

It's been about 45 years since my divorce from my first wife. We have not spoken since then and I seriously doubt we would recognize one another. I don't know where she is nor do I know if she's still living. If we should, by chance, meet someday...I would be cordial, nothing more.


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## Debby

My husband got dumped by his first wife after only a year because she was fooling around with some other guy.  The weird thing is that after we got married, he started taking his motorcycle to his ex's boyfriend (now husband) and we got along pretty well.  The guys would even go fishing together.

It turned out for the best in hindsight because he did come to the place where he realized that they would have made a terrible couple long term and yet as two new couples, we were all enormously happy with our second (my first) choices and our marriages lasted for several decades.  As far as I know the ex is still with her husband too.


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## Lon

Our divorce became final on February 2, 2015 and I have not seen my ex wife since our final Mediation appointment  with the attorney in October 2014. Not sure if or when I might see her again. There is an occasional message left on my answering machine or a email re: her daughters. We live 200 miles apart.


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## QuickSilver

I don't know...  My ex and I have been divorced for 38 years.. and it was nasty.. he was a cheat.  We have seen each other over the years because we have 2 sons and 3 grandchildren in common.  We have been able to navigate weddings, Christenings, holidays, and birthday parties without problems.  No.. I have not forgiven him for what he did to me and the boys, but what would the point be for one of us to miss those occasions because of not being able to be in the same room together?   He lost his wife of 37 years nearly 2 years ago. She was the one he cheated on me with.    My husband and I went to the wake.  He really is grieving very hard.. he must have loved her..  I feel bad for him..


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## Butterfly

I do not have anything to say to him.


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## fishfulthinking

Would never talk to my ex in a million years.  He is not worthy.


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## Shalimar

My ex is a sociopath, naturally I prefer to avoid him.


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## Josiah

I just commented about my ex-wife in today's thread about Conspiracy Theories and the mentality of people who believe in them. When we separated in 1973 she seemed to be a normally rational woman. Passionate about political views, but otherwise not exceptional. I've had very little to do with her in the ensuing years, and so I was really taken aback when my two sons informed me of beliefs that she held which fell squarely in the category of absurd conspiracy theories. I associate conspiracy theorists as being extreme right wingers and my wife is at the extreme opposite end of the political spectrum. Everyone in the extended family now knows better than to engage with her about anything more controversial than the weather (and just today's weather at that).


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## Cookie

Luckily my ex lives far away in another country and continent, so we don't run into each other, or even talk on the phone except for very rare occasions.  But I can understand how an ex can really push a lot of the same buttons they did in the past, which can be so annoying and stressful and would confirm why they are our exes.


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## Lon

I have a good relationship with my ex wife and communicate via email and phone from time to time but I doubt if we will ever see each other again. Our divorce was a Estate Planning decision and saved a potentially very expensive settlement of our respective estates if either of us died while married.


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## Josiah

Lon said:


> I have a good relationship with my ex wife and communicate via email and phone from time to time but I doubt if we will ever see each other again. Our divorce was a Estate Planning decision and saved a potentially very expensive settlement of our respective estates if either of us died while married.



Gee Lon, if your divorce was just a way to pass through some legal loopholes, why didn't you just continue living together?


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## Lon

Josiah said:


> Gee Lon, if your divorce was just a way to pass through some legal loopholes, why didn't you just continue living together?



Logistics Josiah  She has family --daughter & grand daughters sister/ brother in New Zealand and spends several months of each year there. She has two daughters and a grand son living near her in California. I am in a different part of California and close to my daughter,grand children, great grand children. In addition, we had separate assets and financial interests before we married and during the 24 years of our marriage we co-mingled and acquired new joint financial assets. By divorcing we were able to completely separate our respective financial interests for the benefit of our heirs to the extent that I do not have or even need a will. My ex does have a will for New Zealand as well as the U.S.


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## jujube

Having a "late" spouse instead of an "ex-spouse", I don't have any of these problems (I even kept the in-laws....)   The SE, though, has had an unpleasant relationship with his ex-wife.  She tried to turn his sons against him and misses no chance to bad-mouth him.  At his son's wedding last year, no opportunity was missed to insult us.  He never bad mouths her to his sons; he prefers never to even mention her.  They tend to complain about her, though.


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## Josiah

It seems as if just about everyone has commented on this thread, there must be a few members who don't have an ex, but I can't think who they are. They deserve to be honored.


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## Warrigal

I don't have an ex. Hubby and I have been married for 52 years but I do have an ex daughter in law.

When my son's marriage failed I made up my mind not to take sides because I was hoping that the marriage could be rebuilt. I let both of them know that I was there for them, especially with the children, and we helped our DIL with legal fees because our son was being very difficult. Our son was extraordinarily bitter and quite nasty towards his ex wife but I managed to keep contact and we are still on good terms.

Both eventually re-partnered. Our son found someone first and had moved away from Sydney to a country town, He has now mellowed towards his ex wife but she is wary of being hurt further so she keeps her distance. She married again but her husband died just one year later from aggressive melanoma, leaving her devastated. I still think of her as a daughter and she is still very much part of the family.


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## Josiah

Dame Warrigal said:


> I don't have an ex. Hubby and I have been married for 52 years but I do have an ex daughter in law.
> 
> When my son's marriage failed I made up my mind not to take sides because I was hoping that the marriage could be rebuilt. I let both of them know that I was there for them, especially with the children, and we helped our DIL with legal fees because our son was being very difficult. Our son was extraordinarily bitter and quite nasty towards his ex wife but I managed to keep contact and we are still on good terms.
> 
> 
> 
> Both eventually re-partnered. Our son found someone first and had moved away from Sydney to a country town, He has now mellowed towards his ex wife but she is wary of being hurt further so she keeps her distance. She married again but her husband died just one year later from aggressive melanoma, leaving her devastated. I still think of her as a daughter and she is still very much part of the family.



DW, you deserve all the credit we marriage failures can muster for showing that ""til death us do part" is the way it's suppose to be.


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## Warrigal

It's a family tradition with us to stick together as poo sticks to a blanket (except that we don't call it poo).

As for the " 'til death do us part" bit, I used to tell my husband that I would honour that promise but I had nothing against homicide. 
That's my tip for a lengthy marriage :grin:


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## jujube

Dame Warrigal said:


> I don't have an ex. Hubby and I have been married for 52 years but I do have an ex daughter in law.
> 
> I still think of her as a daughter and she is still very much part of the family.



I'm still quite close to my ex son-in-law.  The marriage ended bitterly, but I felt that it was just a case of two people who had no business getting married to each other.  He's a great father to my granddaughter and would do anything for me.  I get along fine with his current wife and her kids consider my their grandmother, too. My being close to him infuriates my daughter and her second husband (I don't usually refer to him as my son-in-law, just "the asshole my daughter is married to", which is another matter altogether).


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## grannyjo

I was polite to my ex husband at my son's wedding.  I was polite to his wife too.

That was nearly 25 years ago.

Now if I saw him lying in a gutter,  I would just step over him.


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