# General Humor



## JonSR77

I thought that maybe a general humor thread might be fun...to save some scrolling down, anyway...

So, to it...

I posted one from Archie McPhee. Seems folks like that one...

It's a gag gift company.  They make a lot of wacky, extremely funny stuff.

For example, they make a "Yodeling Pickle"

My wife bought me one, one Holiday season.

It's truly tons of wacky fun.






https://mcphee.com/products/yodelling-pickle

I hope it is ok to post a link to the page.  I mean, they do sell their products and I don't want to be seen as pushing a product for sales.  Just trying to share some wacky fun.  Plus, their stuff is generally super cheap.


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## JonSR77

here's the other one, I posted from Archie McPhee...

Squirrel Underpants - Protect The World From Squirrel Nudity

https://www.squirrelunderpants.com/


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## Mr. Ed




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## JonSR77

Mr. Ed said:


>


Bill Hicks was a strong, strong comedian.

I like your user name - Mr. Ed.

Here's a funny one from the show, hope you like it:

The Empty Feed Bag Blues​


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## Ruthanne




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## Lawrence

At Camp Swampy Private Beetle Baily was on guard duty where there is no smoking allowed while on ammo bunker guard duty. Private Baily was smoking and saw General Amos T. Halftrack approaching. Baily just lit a cigarette and then pinched the end of the cigarette down so the ember would die, and then he threw it on the ground. General Halftrack approached him and asked him if that was his cigarette then the Private said no and told the General, he could have the cigarette and smoke it.


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## JonSR77

The Darwin Awards

The Darwin Awards are given to a person who dies in the most incredibly stupid accidents possible. This enables society to be free of their DNA being passed down...thus, the Darwin Awards.

Here's one:






+++

another. guy driving his pick-up. Fuse fails. Doesn't have a penny to complete the circuit, so he uses...wait for it...yes...he uses a bullet. Bullet heats up from the electricity, goes off, striking "Captain Genius," whose car proceeds to jump the guardrail and plummet off a cliff.

+++

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darwin_Awards


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## MickaC




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## Paco Dennis




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## squatting dog




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## Becky1951




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## MickaC




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## horseless carriage

MickaC said:


> View attachment 213411


Look down the pan, what does a leprechaun drink? Crème de menthe?


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## Paco Dennis




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## squatting dog




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## jimintoronto

How do you know then person ahead of you at the ATM is a Canadian ? They say Thank You when the money comes out.....I am one so I can tell that joke with out feeling awkward. JimB.


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## Kaila

Since this thread is named for a General (_General Humor)_

and another was mentioned in one of the posts already
(_General Custard, I think it was)

I will point out some other very commonly spoken of, and therefore, I have noticed them and assume they are apparently highly regarded:_

General Interest
General Store
General Concern
General Matters
General Practice


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## JonSR77

squatting dog said:


> View attachment 213416


What goes clippity-clap, clippity-clap, clippity-clap, BANG ???

Answer - an Amish drive by shooting...


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## JonSR77

Hiding Your Nan From the Police...


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## Chris P Bacon




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## JonSR77

Can You Arrest Your Own Mother?


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## JonSR77

that good old confidence...


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## RadishRose

Kaila said:


> Since this thread is named for a General (_General Humor)_
> 
> and another was mentioned in one of the posts already
> (_General Custard, I think it was)
> 
> I will point out some other very commonly spoken of, and therefore, I have noticed them and assume they are apparently highly regarded:_
> 
> General Interest
> General Store
> General Concern
> General Matters
> General Practice


I've heard from some other family members:

General Anesthesia
General Motors
General Mills
General Lee Speaking
General Consensus


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## RadishRose




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## Geezer Garage

Don't forget General Chaos.



Kaila said:


> Since this thread is named for a General (_General Humor)_
> 
> and another was mentioned in one of the posts already
> (_General Custard, I think it was)
> 
> I will point out some other very commonly spoken of, and therefore, I have noticed them and assume they are apparently highly regarded:_
> 
> General Interest
> General Store
> General Concern
> General Matters
> General Practice


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## jimintoronto

JonSR77 said:


> Can You Arrest Your Own Mother?


Here in Canada the RCMP has a policy that when a Constable graduates from training Depot after their 6 months of training, they will not be posted to their home Province. That is to avoid having to investigate or arrest family members or friends. For those that do not know, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police are our national Federal Police Service, with jurisdiction in all parts of our country. They were first stood up in 1873 to patrol the US /Canada border in the western plains. Their official motto is Maintain The Right . JimB.


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## RFW

jimintoronto said:


> Here in Canada the RCMP has a policy that when a Constable graduates from training Depot after their 6 months of training, they will not be posted to their home Province. That is to avoid having to investigate or arrest family members or friends. For those that do not know, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police are our national Federal Police Service, with jurisdiction in all parts of our country. They were first stood up in 1873 to patrol the US /Canada border in the western plains. Their official motto is Maintain The Right . JimB.


That's quite different from how we do things around here. I never had to investigate my own family though.


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## JonSR77

Convos With My 2-Year-Old - "The Cookie"


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## JonSR77

Tales of Human Stupidity...

People Too Stupid to Live...

https://www.sadanduseless.com/dead/


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## RadishRose

JonSR77 said:


> Convos With My 2-Year-Old - "The Cookie"


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## JonSR77

RadishRose said:


> View attachment 214694


it really is the best, right?

My fav is at the very end when you see the actual little kid and that smirk on her face...


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## JonSR77

Contest to write the worst first line of a novel...

The Bulwer-Lytton Contest

https://www.bulwer-lytton.com/

They published one (or two?) books of the winners. One was titled "Twas A Dark And Stormy Night." it was truly hysterical. 


It is from the 80's, I think. So, since it is old, I bet you could pick up a used copy on Amazon for next to nothing.

+++

One of the old winning entries:

"As Andre crept along the East Wall, only one thought was going through his mind...'Andre creep, Andre creep, Andre creep' "


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## JonSR77

Paul McCartney Makes Fans Laugh In A Surprise Visit To 30 Rock


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## JonSR77

Unicycling Darth Vader upgrades to Flaming Bagpipes - Keep Portland Weird


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## JonSR77

Conan O'Brien's 2011 Dartmouth College Commencement Address





https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmDYXaaT9sA


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## RadishRose

JonSR77 said:


> Unicycling Darth Vader upgrades to Flaming Bagpipes - Keep Portland Weird


Now I've seen everything!


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## Trila

JonSR77 said:


> Unicycling Darth Vader upgrades to Flaming Bagpipes - Keep Portland Weird


I have a friend who lives in Scotland......I just had to send this to her!!!!!


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## JonSR77

Trila said:


> I have a friend who lives in Scotland......I just had to send this to her!!!!!



you sent that to a Scot? My ex was a Scot. That was 25 years ago. I still live in fear of her!!!!

hey, why do bagpipers walk while they play?

Answer:  ---- they are trying to get away from the noise....


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## JonSR77

Pink Inflatable Men Entertain Bewildered Shoppers In Birmingham...


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## JonSR77

RadishRose said:


> Now I've seen everything!




I am thinking...not yet...


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## JonSR77




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## Trila

JonSR77 said:


> you sent that to a Scot? My ex was a Scot. That was 25 years ago. I still live in fear of her!!!!
> 
> hey, why do bagpipers walk while they play?
> 
> Answer:  ---- they are trying to get away from the noise....


Not all Scott's are alike.   My friend is an ....she puts up with me! LOL


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## Trila

@JonSR77
My friend says "there is a wee bit of warrior in all Scots !"


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## RadishRose

JonSR77 said:


> I am thinking...not yet...


I guess not! Oh my dog, those pink men,,,,,,


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## JonSR77

RadishRose said:


> I guess not! Oh my dog, those pink men,,,,,,


yes, my friend, my work here is done.


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## JonSR77

Stand-Up Comedy from Gary Valentine (Kevin James's brother)

I wish I could find the entire set that this clip is from. Was a great set. Yes, he is Kevin James's brother. Gary Valentine was just the stage name that he chose...

Gary Valentine - on the South's Sweet Tea


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## charry




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## charry




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## JonSR77

charry said:


> View attachment 215791



I was at a movie theater, oh, maybe 5 or 7 years ago. A man collapsed and fell to the floor. He was a very large man, maybe 6' 4" and close to 300 lbs. And he just could not get back up. Seeing the situation, I went over to the theater manager, got a chair and brought it over for him to lean on, for leverage as he got up. And that worked.

With my back injuries and other injuries, if I have to go down to the floor, I also bring a chair near me for that purpose.

Yeah, I know this is a joke thread, but I thought I would share, since seeing something sad happen in front of me that time.


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## charry




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## Marie5656

*Random shower thought: When moving out of a house, leave a chest freezer, duct taped and chained shut.  When cops open it, they find it filled with frozen peas.*
*I will see myself out.*


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## JonSR77




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## charry




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## RadishRose

How many critters?   I count 11.


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## JonSR77

Irony

https://scontent.fewr1-6.fna.fbcdn....rTOR1hbZci1pTzhDgQKVQhqyhMD-6JbcA&oe=625871D7


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## Geezer Garage

I'm seeing 12.



RadishRose said:


> How many critters? I count 11.


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## RadishRose

Geezer Garage said:


> I'm seeing 12.


Dammit, when I counted 11, I just knew there had to be 12.  There was one I wasn't sure of, but I am now. Thanks, Mr. Geezer.


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## Ruthanne




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## JonSR77




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## squatting dog

We are doomed as a species.


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## JonSR77

squatting dog said:


> We are doomed as a species.
> 
> 
> View attachment 216923



uh, no...I don't think so.  I think the aliens are going to have come down and re-engineer the project...


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## squatting dog

JonSR77 said:


> uh, no...I don't think so.  I think the aliens are going to have come down and re-engineer the project...


You may be on to something there.


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## JonSR77

remember Foster Brooks?


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## JonSR77

Computer Fix-All...

Keep a hammer next to your phone or computer.

This acts to threaten the computer or phone into obedience.

Sledgehammers and axes also work very well.

If they try to sneak around your disciplinary moves, just whisper "fire" to them and they will tremble and then obey.


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## JonSR77

Toddler Anecdote

From the way way way back machine.

Apparently, when I was a toddler, my parents bought me a wooden crib.

They started to see some strange markings on the crib.

It took them awhile to figure out what it was.  

Apparently, I was trying to chew my way through the bars!

Jail break!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


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## JonSR77




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## MickaC




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## Paco Dennis




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## MickaC




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## Furryanimal




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## JonSR77

from Reader's Digest....

Dumb and Funny Jokes​Make anyone laugh with these stupid funny jokes.

https://www.rd.com/jokes/dumb/​


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## JustBonee

Some  old-time humor ..


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## jerry old

You live in India
You buy a car
You buy car insurance
You have an accident
You call customer service
You get a guy in Alabama


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## Marie5656




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## Paco Dennis




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## JonSR77

How Rednecks Repair A Pool | Jon Reep​


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## charry




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## charry




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## JonSR77

Being Disabled Has Its Perks. Josh Blue - Full Special


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## JonSR77

Accidentally Funny Photos...

https://www.eatliver.com/accidentally-funny-photos/


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## JonSR77

Mel Brooks, the original lounge lizard parody...


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## JonSR77

Bill Murray as "Nick The Lounge Singer" Singing the Star Wars Theme - SNL


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## JonSR77

Richard Cheese does a whole act as a lounger singer, doing lounge lizard versions of rap and heavy metal songs.

Richard Cheese - Gin And Juice


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## Pappy




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## charry




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## Jace

Advice:  Don't make old people mad...

They don't like_ being *old in the first place  
*_
so, it doesn't take _much *" to set them off"!  *_


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## Pappy




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## Sassycakes




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## Pappy




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## Sassycakes




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## win231




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## Paco Dennis




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## JustBonee




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## JonSR77

Historic Memes That Prove Nothing Has Changed Over The Years​You may think that we have to face unique challenges nowadays that people of the past didn’t have to deal with. Well, it can’t be further from the truth. These historic memes prove that the mankind has been struggling to overcame the same stuff since forever.


https://www.sadanduseless.com/histo...B2u1N_ZTGc4s2mbmUdIqb0-yvvWiVE78HZ6GZ3DWXX838


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## JonSR77

Pappy said:


> View attachment 219396



That...was hysterical...

Not widely known, but unicorns Hate mimes...

https://mcphee.com/blogs/news/avenging-unicorn-and-narwhal


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## Bella




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## JonSR77

Ruby said:


>



whose what?


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## Bella

JonSR77 said:


> whose what?



Uranus.

If you have trouble finding it, try using both hands and a bloodhound. That should help.


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## horseless carriage

Ruby said:


> Uranus.
> 
> If you have trouble finding it, try using both hands and a bloodhound. That should help.


When you attend a catholic school, talking about the rings around Uranus can cause much ribald laughter.


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## Alligatorob

Ruby said:


> Uranus.


Science proves that Uranus a big smelly producer of gas​


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## Pappy




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## Ken N Tx




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## Bella




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## JonSR77

Beach Wear, 1967


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## Marie5656




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## JonSR77

Marie5656 said:


> View attachment 219682


 Yeah!  Where's my stuff!?!  I want stuff too!!!


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## charry




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## Jace

Ever wonder why... 

You don't ever see the deadline,.. 

"Psychic Wins Mega-lottery"


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## Pappy




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## JonSR77

Jace said:


> Ever wonder why...
> 
> You don't ever see the deadline,..
> 
> "Psychic Wins Mega-lottery"



seems like that psychics were annoyed enough to hypnotize you into a typo...


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## JonSR77

Cute 2 Year Old Dancing…

Rock"n"Roll Good Golly Miss Molly


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## Jace

JonSR77 said:


> seems like that psychics were annoyed enough to hypnotize you into a typo...


Yes, seems like it!!!

("It".. this keyboard..has a mind-of-its- own!)

Good catch!


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## Jace

Tell me, 

Intentionally losing a game of_* Rock, Paper, Scissors *_

is just as hard as trying to win?


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## Marie5656

*Requsite post of the day.....because, you know, tradition

*


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## JonSR77

Comedy - Rice Krispies

Just got up from my chair…literally five different areas of my body crackled and popped.

They call me “Rice Krispies.”





https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6TIsxTdrCU
++++++++++



From comedian Dana Carvey…


My neck hurt. 
My back hurt.
I had a headache.
My feet hurt.
My legs hurt.
My stomach hurt.

I was trying to figure out what was going on. 

Then, I realized…I woke up…

++++++++++++++++

From comedian Brian Regan….

That’s Where It Doesn’t Hurt…





https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryDdPHyqsbs
+++++++++++


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## Bella




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## Pappy




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## JonSR77

Pappy said:


> View attachment 219857



nice one. there are a whole bunch of jokes in that genre...

a classic one:

A guy is at a hotel bar.  A lady of the evening comes up to him and says, "I will do anything you want...anything, for just $200, if you can say it in just three words.  He pauses, thinks and then says to her..."Paint my house..."


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## JonSR77

Gnarly Teeth - Gag gift

https://www.amazon.com/Archie-McPhe...ocphy=9003533&hvtargid=pla-494151836876&psc=1

actually once bought my mom, then 88, some vampire teeth...


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## Mizmo




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## Pappy




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## Bella

*



*


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## Pappy




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## Jace

Do you realize...Every time you clean something...

you make something else _dirty?! _


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## Pappy




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## JonSR77

Men, Spiders and Jars...

Harvard University Study indicates that divorce rates would 134.28 times higher if not for "the spider killings" and "those darn jars that just won't open..."

(comment from my wife - "Oh sure and don't forget about the trash...")


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## JonSR77

*Husband - The Stupidity Challenge...*

Every day, my wife informs me just how stupid I really am.

And every day, I work hard.  I work very very hard and prove...

that she is entirely correct!!!

Today, I discovered theft on the property.
The garbage can covers were missing.  I was looking around for them.  I thought which neighbors were most likely to do this.
I thought we might have a juvenile delinquent in the neighborhood, who has now decided to start pulling practical vandalism.

Ah, but no...none of all that.

Just some husband stupidity is all.
I had put the garbage can covers inside the actual garbage cans, then, forgetting, just piled the garbage on top.
I even thought to myself..."hey, that is odd, I didn't think we had that much trash this week..."

*Month of May*

Wife - 1
Husband - 0

++++

*Lifetime*

Wife - 12,987
Husband - 15*

* - ok, just kidding...Husband - 0


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## JonSR77

Ode to Joy , BBC Proms 2009

- Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain

Yes...Ukuleles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!​






The *Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain* (*UOGB*) is a British musical ensemble founded in 1985 by George Hinchliffe and Kitty Lux as bit of fun. The orchestra features ukuleles of various sizes and registers from soprano to bass. The UOGB is best known for performing musically faithful but often tongue-in-cheek covers of popular songs and musical pieces from a wide variety of music genres taken "from the rich pageant of western music". The songs are often performed with a reinterpretation, sometimes with a complete genre twist, or well known songs from multiple genres are seamlessly woven together. Songs are introduced with light hearted deadpan humour, and juxtaposition is a feature of their act, the members of the orchestra wear semi-formal (black tie) evening dress and sit behind music stands, in a parody of a classical ensemble.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ukulele_Orchestra_of_Great_Britain


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## Jace

Are some people born with photographic memories...

Or...does _it *take time to develop? *_


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## JonSR77

Jace said:


> Are some people born with photographic memories...
> 
> Or...does _it *take time to develop? *_



I do believe you have now weaponized the joke.  I will inform the Pentagon.  They should be approaching you with a lucrative contract soon.


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## Marie5656




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## Pappy




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## MickaC




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## Pappy




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## JonSR77

Shaq Holding Judge Judy Like a Little Baby!!!


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## JonSR77




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## Pinky

JonSR77 said:


> Shaq Holding Judge Judy Like a Little Baby!!!
> 
> View attachment 220902


LOL! Love this photo!


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## MickaC




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## Paco Dennis




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## Pappy




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## JonSR77

this was a legitimate post, from back around 2015...

***Chasing bears through the woods drunk with a dull hatchet is strongly not advised***


**Chasing bears through the woods drunk with a dull hatchet is strongly not advised**


The North Adams Police Department is urging everyone to NOT chase bears through the woods with a dull hatchet, drunk.  Yes that really did happen tonight.  We understand there are bears in the area.  If you see a bear, LEAVE IT ALONE and call us.  We certainly don’t need anyone going all Davy Crockett chasing it through the woods drunk with a dull hatchet.  It is just a bad idea and not going to end well.  It will however, certainly end you up in jail…which it did.  The hatchet man was taken into protective custody due to his incapacitation from the consumption of alcoholic beverage.  We are still trying to figure out what his end game was.  Any thoughts on what he was going to do if he did locate it?  We would certainly like to hear because we have no idea.


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## JonSR77




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## JonSR77




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## JonSR77




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## Jace

Did you know ants  never get sick.

it's because they have _little* Anty bodies! *_


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## JonSR77

Jace said:


> Did you know ants  never get sick.
> 
> it's because they have _little* Anty bodies! *_



Is that joke officially a form of psychological warfare?


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## Bella




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## JonSR77




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## JonSR77




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## Pappy




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## JonSR77

Emily Blunt & John Krasinski Prank Jimmy Kimmel


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## JonSR77

‘It’ll Go For Many Years Yet’: Cloquet Sisters Have Exchanged Same Fruitcake Since 1951...​​https://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2018...cloquet-holiday-traditions-finding-minnesota/

this video link may work better:


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## Jace

A guy gets stopped by a policeman and is asked if he has a police record..

the guy answers..."Roxanne"........BUSTED!


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## Paco Dennis




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## MickaC




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## Bella




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## Jace

If there's a bad posture contest...

Do you_ have *a hunch you might win? 
*_


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## Paco Dennis




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## JonSR77

50 Yogi Berra Quotes...

https://ftw.usatoday.com/2019/03/the-50-greatest-yogi-berra-quotes

here's a few...


1. When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

2. You can observe a lot by just watching.

3. It ain’t over till it’s over.

4. It’s like déjà vu all over again.

5. No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.


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## JonSR77




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## JonSR77

My Mom and John McEnroe...


So, back in the 70's, my mom was playing tennis at an indoor club in West Orange, NJ.

She heard that there was a young man there, that night, who was a nationally ranked junior player.


Orange Lawn, was a famous club nearby. That used to hold the big warm-up tournament for the US Open.

So, this junior player was probably there, because there was some kind of junior tournament going on at Orange Lawn and he was practicing for it.


So, yes, that junior player was John McEnroe! Not well known at all, at the time. He was probably 15.

Anyway, my mom overhears a conversation with John McEnroe and his mom. And John McEnroe's mom is mad at him, because, well, John did not take out the garbage the night before.

So, my mom goes back to her play, finishes out her night. And, she is moving towards the exit to leave the place.

Now mom can be a pistol..

She sees John McEnroe there, as she is leaving.

She stops.

She turns around.

She looks at John McEnroe and says, "Now, young man, you make sure to take out the trash!"


(she said that John McEnroe looked pretty angry when she said that to him).


I know that in the public John McEnroe is always criticized for his anger and outbursts. But the tennis people know him in another way. He has, for decades, been a HUGE supporter of US tennis, the Davis Cup and on. And in that role, it was more than just tennis, he was really presenting the United States in a very positive and very dignified way to the world community.

And he has been known to be, personally, a very patriotic guy.

So, sure, a little anger on the court, but generally, a super good person.


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## Bella




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## MickaC




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## Pappy




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## JonSR77

Pappy said:


> View attachment 221844



My stepfather owned movie theaters.  Back in the 50s, they sometimes would have live acts perform before the movies. Two of the people he had were Redd Foxx and also Keye Luke...from Kung Fu...  Different era.  They would come over the house for dinner with my Dad and his family, before the shows...


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## JonSR77

Sign at a deli...

6 Pack Abs are nice...but have you tried our Pastrami???

(yes, that is an actual sign that I saw)


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## GAlady




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## JonSR77

GAlady said:


> View attachment 221882



I've been doing that stuff for years.  for years.  for decades.  It is the reason I get up in the morning.  It is the reason I smile.


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## JonSR77

Awful-Sounding TV Sandwiches (Built And Taste-Tested)​

https://www.cracked.com/blog/6-crazy-sandwiches-from-tv-shows-taste-tested21


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## Pappy




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## MickaC




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## JonSR77

Baby birds sing Led Zeppelin


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## hawkdon

I cannot believe I watched that.......


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## Bella

*



*


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## RadishRose

Pappy said:


> View attachment 221973


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## RadishRose




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## Pappy




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## Jace

Last night I burnt my Hawaiian pizza..

should-da put it _*on aloha setting! *_


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## JonSR77

Dancing Kid Baseball Player

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/KUiZO1gIsjc


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## JonSR77

Here's a little fun video of a professional driver taking a driving teacher for quite a ride...

Fast & Furious Nerd Shocks Driving Instructors - Drift Prank


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## Bella




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## GAlady




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## Jace

A Pessimist sees a dark tunnel,

An Optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel,

A Realist sees a freight train 

The TRAIN driver *sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks! *


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## RadishRose




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## RadishRose




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## JonSR77




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## JonSR77

*Horrible Love Affairs Game...*

_What is the Worst Response to "I Love You?"

(share your answer below)_


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## Pappy

First: Chicken pox
Then Monkey pox,
Now, Croc pox.
When does it end?


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## Jace

A guy has an accident while playing peek-a-boo with his kids...

they took him _ to * ICU! *_


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## GAlady




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## Pappy




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## JonSR77

*My Ketchup Bottle Has Become Sentient*



It Hides.

I often can’t find it for days, sometimes a full week.

I did not know what to do.

I consulted Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War.”

On page 363, I found the solution.

“When dealing with sentient condiments, mirror their actions.”

And so, I have placed a second Ketchup Bottle in the fridge.

It too hides.

They hide from each other.

In their instinctive scramble to hide from each other, they sometimes expose themselves.

And that is when I catch them.

And that I when I compel them to give up some of their red, vinegary deliciousness.


*Never give up. 

Never surrender.*


----------



## Jace

Why do elephants have wrinkles?

Have you ever _tried *to iron one? *_


----------



## Flarbalard

JonSR77 said:


> *Horrible Love Affairs Game...*
> 
> _What is the Worst Response to "I Love You?"
> 
> (share your answer below)_


Thank you.


----------



## RadishRose




----------



## JonSR77

JonSR77 said:


> *Horrible Love Affairs Game...*
> 
> _What is the Worst Response to "I Love You?"
> 
> (share your answer below)_




Yeah, sure, whatever.  But not as much as I love ESPN, beer, and chips.  So, you know, ok...sure...


----------



## GAlady




----------



## Jace

For the guy who invented Zero...

Thanks_ for* nothing! *_


----------



## GAlady




----------



## Jace

A guy was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling a joke.

He turned to a local tribesman and said "That lizard is really funny".

He replied "That's not a lizard, he's *a standup chameleon!" *


----------



## Feelslikefar

In answer to your question, "I Love You".

Around our children, one of us will say this and the other partner will always answer, " I'm Semi-Fond of you too!"
in a sweet, loving tone.

To which our boys would ask if we were getting a Divorce.


----------



## Pappy




----------



## JonSR77

The Omelette...


----------



## Jace

How much room is needed to grow fungi?....

As *mushroom as possible! *


----------



## Bella




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## Pappy




----------



## JonSR77

Online Discussion

Just changed some minds.


(this is the humor thread, right?)


----------



## Bella




----------



## Jace

On the other hand...

_You have* different fingers! *_


----------



## Mizmo




----------



## JonSR77

Sweet Grandma...


----------



## JonSR77

This priest decided to skip church one Sunday morning and go play golf...​He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He went out the back door and got in his car. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.

He teed off on the first hole.

Just then, a huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried it an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one!!!

An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?"

God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"


----------



## JonSR77

The Montana State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising golfers to take extra precautions, and be on the alert for bears while playing on Gallatin, Helena, and Lewis and Clark National Forest’s golf courses.

They advise golfers to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert, but not to startle the bears unexpectedly.

They also advise golfers to carry pepper spray in the case of an encounter with a bear.

They say that it’s also a good idea to watch for signs of bear activity on the courses. They recommend that golfers be educated so that they can recognize the difference between Black bear and Grizzly bear droppings.

Black bear droppings are smaller and contain remains of nuts, berries and possibly squirrel, rabbit or gopher fur.

Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray.


----------



## GAlady




----------



## spectratg

A dog accepts you as the boss... a cat wants to see your resume


----------



## Jace

How did they create the first illustration of Stonehenge...

They* Druid! *


----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nathan




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## JonSR77

The Ultimate Excuse Creator...

https://visual.ly/community/Infographics/humor/ultimate-excuse-creator


----------



## Jace

How does a banana answer the phone.?

Yell-ow!

(That's for all the grandparents to ask their grandkids!)


----------



## hawkdon

hahah that's how my Dad used to answer the Phone!


----------



## Pappy




----------



## Jace

A wife didn't want to believe her hubby was stealing from his road work job...
but, when she looked around... the* signs were all there. *


----------



## peramangkelder

If Big Pharma has their way


----------



## Pappy




----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Jace

I have a fear of speed bumps...

but I'm _getting over it! _


----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## JonSR77

The Lampshade Dance...


----------



## JonSR77

Paper Bag Masks

by Saul Steinberg...

Make sure you scroll down all the way, for the pictures...


----------



## Pappy




----------



## JonSR77

Angry Wheelchair Man​2010 Darwin Award Winner​Confirmed True by Darwin​




DARWIN AWARD WINNER OF THE CENTURY! Angry Wheelchair Man, the rashly rushing rammer who epitomizes the downfall of the human race.

(25 August 2010, Daejon, South Korea) An angry handicapped man, annoyed that an elevator departed without him, thinks it over before ramming his wheelchair into the doors (bam!) once, twice, three times in all. Success and failure combined as he gained access to the elevator, and plunged down the  rabbit hole  shaft to his death. This 40-year-old man earns immortality as an the most irritated Darwin Award winner to ever  walk roll the planet.


----------



## Pappy




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Bella

*Chain smoker? Pack a day smoker? Save time and smoke 'em all at once!*


----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Pappy




----------



## JonSR77

*Apples, the Foodbank and the FBI...*

Ok, here's a weird true story.

Back in the 80s I was doing volunteer work for an organization called S.H.A.R.E.

They ran a foodbank out of the Ironbound section of Newark, NJ.

The head of the group was a nun.

By the way...she was great. Intelligent, savvy, really great person.

So, anyway, the FBI calls Sister,  "We have confiscated a truck load of apples. Is that something you can effectively distribute?"

Sister said yes.

The FBI delivered the apples.

A few days later, the FBI gets a call from Sister.

Sister: "Do your agents love candied apples?" We found some bags of sugar in with the apples."

FBI: "Don't do anything, we will be right over!!!"


And the FBI came over, went through the truck and *removed all the remaining cocaine that they missed in the first round!!!*

And the apples went to the poor folks...


----------



## JonSR77




----------



## Bella




----------



## Jace

How many feet in a yard...

depends on how many people are standing in it!


----------



## JonSR77

The Marx Brothers...without costumes...

and, some Marx brothers quotes:

https://www.marx-brothers.org/info/quotes.htm

includes:

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.


----------



## JonSR77

Ambivalent Boxes...


----------



## Jules

A joke for Texans.

Why did the chicken cross the road?




To prove to the armadillo that it could be done.


----------



## JonSR77




----------



## Pappy




----------



## hawkdon

Well the news just said Abbott is going to ship a million bottles of baby powder stuff from Spain for American babies....so now the babies & moms got to learn Spanish on the american taxpayers dollar..... bueno????


----------



## Pappy




----------



## CinnamonSugar

I’m  not sure whether the giraffe at the zoo yesterday was laughing at me or if he has a piece of lettuce hung on his teeth


----------



## Pappy




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## Bella




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Bella




----------



## Bella




----------



## Pappy




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Right Now

Perhaps they should have worded this differently....


----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Jace

Nothing is fool-proof... 

to a sufficiently talented fool.


----------



## Sassycakes




----------



## Sassycakes




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Sassycakes




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Becky1951




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Chueymorales

A woman went to the emergency room, where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.

She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was; after listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room.

Then the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor's room.

"Whats wrong with you?" he demanded. This woman is 63 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?!!"

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said:

"Does she still have the hiccups?


----------



## Mizmo

another old gif file...


Match Stick People


----------



## Jace

What did the Limestone say to the Geologist?

Don't _take me for* Granite!*_

Yah! Stupid, I know.


----------



## Pappy




----------



## Bella




----------



## Bella




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Furryanimal

> *Back in the 1800's the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California.
> This, of course, is the origin of the expression; "He who has a Tates is lost!"*


----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Furryanimal




----------



## CinnamonSugar

Furryanimal said:


> View attachment 227416


That’s not just ‘lost in translation’.  That’s a whole other orbit!


----------



## Liberty




----------



## Liberty




----------



## Liberty




----------



## Jace

If the person who named Walkie-talkies...named everything..
• Bumble bees = Fuzzy Buzzy 
• Fork = Stabby Grabby 
• Hippo = Floatie Bloatie 
• Socks = Feetie Heatie 
• Stamps = Lickie Stickie

and, hopefully, the EMTs 

haren't starting calling

Defibrillators = Hearty  Starty.


----------



## Marie5656




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Ken N Tx




----------



## Ken N Tx




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Blessed

And people wonder why I have a fear of flying.  Enough said.


----------



## Pappy




----------



## Sassycakes

*A man and his wife were working in the garden *
*one day and the man looks over at his wife and says 
" You know, your ass is getting bigger. Hell, I think it's 
wider than the grill!" He proceeded to get a measuring tape 
and measured the grill. Then he measured his wife's ass. 
"Yep, I was right! Your ass is a full 2 inches wider than the grill!" 
That night, the husband was feeling a little frisky and turned to his wife, 
but she just brushed him off.
 "What's wrong?" he asked. She *
*"Do you really think I'm gonna fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?*"


----------



## Paco Dennis

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.


----------



## Pappy




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Pappy




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## bowmore

Ruthanne said:


> View attachment 228173


The rest of that....
Do you have the box it came in?
Yes I do
Pack up your computer in the box and return it
You are too stupid to have one


----------



## Pappy




----------



## win231

_"Dammit, I'm Mad"_ spelled backwards is _"Dammit, I'm Mad."_


----------



## Mizmo




----------



## Pappy




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Maywalk

I have to go for a pacemaker check up next week and I had this come today. It really tickled me.


----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Paco Dennis

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!”
He said, “Nobody loves me.”
I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”
He said, “Yes.” I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?”
He said, “A Christian.” I said, “Me too! Protestant or Catholic?”
He said, “Protestant.” I said, “Me too! What franchise?”
He said, “Baptist.” I said, “Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?”
He said, “Northern Baptist.” I said, “Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.” I said, “Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.” I said, “Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879 or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.” I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.


----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Nathan

Probably should post this in the Financial section...


----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Pappy




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Furryanimal




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Right Now




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## squatting dog

Hmmm.


----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pappy




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Patricia

GAlady said:


> View attachment 229400


I remember when I was a little girl and my brother told me not to tinkle in the pool at the hotel or the water would turn a different color.


----------



## Pappy




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Right Now




----------



## MarkinPhx




----------



## MarkinPhx




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pappy




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Purwell

The man who invented Cats’ Eyes got the idea when he saw the eyes of a cat in his headlights. If the cat had been going the other way, he would have invented the pencil sharpener


----------



## Purwell

SQUIRRELS

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue; they took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.


----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## GAlady




----------



## MickaC




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Pappy




----------



## OneEyedDiva

MickaC said:


> View attachment 230177


RIGHT!!


----------



## OneEyedDiva




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Jace

Nothing depreciates  your car   so fast ...

as a new model   your neighbor has in HIS driveway.


----------



## Jace

Ruthanne said:


> View attachment 230187


That's me..ALMOST every day!   Could be my poster


----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Pappy




----------



## GAlady




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Pappy




----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Bella




----------



## Right Now

Sorry, but too funny not to share!


----------



## MickaC




----------



## Patricia

Bella said:


>


This is so cute!


----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Patricia

RadishRose said:


>


Ha!


----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Bella




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## squatting dog

I'd file this under scary and "wasn't funny, but we all laughed".  What  it would be like if Google bought pizza hut.

A man calls Pizza hut to order a pizza...
CALLER:  Is this Pizza Hut?
GOOGLE:    No sir, it's Google Pizza.
CALLER:  I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.
GOOGLE:  No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.
CALLER:  OK. I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE:  Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER:  My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE:  According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER:  Super! That’s what I’ll have.
GOOGLE:  May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
CALLER:  What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!
GOOGLE:  Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER:  How  do you know that?
GOOGLE:  Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
CALLER:  Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza!  I already take medication for my cholesterol.
GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly.  According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.
CALLER:  I bought more from another Pharmacy.
GOOGLE:  That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
CALLER: I paid in cash.
GOOGLE:  But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER:  I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE:  That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!
CALLER:    WHAT THE !!!
GOOGLE:  I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER:  Enough already!  I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others.  I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
GOOGLE:  I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago


----------



## Bella

squatting dog said:


> *I'd file this under scary and "wasn't funny, but we all laughed".  What  it would be like if Google bought pizza hut.*
> 
> A man calls Pizza hut to order a pizza...
> CALLER:  Is this Pizza Hut?
> GOOGLE:    No sir, it's Google Pizza.
> CALLER:  I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.
> GOOGLE:  No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.
> CALLER:  OK. I would like to order a pizza.
> GOOGLE:  Do you want your usual, sir?
> CALLER:  My usual? You know me?
> GOOGLE:  According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
> CALLER:  Super! That’s what I’ll have.
> GOOGLE:  May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
> CALLER:  What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!
> GOOGLE:  Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
> CALLER:  How  do you know that?
> GOOGLE:  Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
> CALLER:  Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza!  I already take medication for my cholesterol.
> GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly.  According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.
> CALLER:  I bought more from another Pharmacy.
> GOOGLE:  That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
> CALLER: I paid in cash.
> GOOGLE:  But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
> CALLER:  I have other sources of cash.
> GOOGLE:  That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!
> CALLER:    WHAT THE !!!
> GOOGLE:  I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
> CALLER:  Enough already!  I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others.  I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
> GOOGLE:  I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago


I want to laugh but it's becoming all to true. Scary is right!


----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pappy




----------



## squatting dog

Pappy said:


> View attachment 231703


----------



## Pappy




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## MarkinPhx




----------



## Pappy




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Bella




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Bella




----------



## CinnamonSugar




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Pappy




----------



## IKE




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Jace

If you're telling jokes while on ZOOM... and nobody is laughing...

It's because you're _not *remotely funny!*_


----------



## dobielvr

GAlady said:


> View attachment 231268


Sure looks healthy though


----------



## Lewkat




----------



## dobielvr

Bella said:


>


OMG  Too funny


----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Right Now




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Furryanimal

An Englishman an Irishman and a Welshman were in a pub, talking about their sons. My son was born on St George's Day," commented the English man. "So we obviously decided to call him George." "That's a real coincidence," remarked the Welshman. "My son was born on St David's Day, so obviously we decided to call him David." "That's incredible, what a coincidence, "said the Irishman. "Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake."


----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Ken N Tx

say this 3 times without pausing...


----------



## Pappy




----------



## Right Now




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Bella




----------



## MickaC




----------



## Paco Dennis

OH, this summer heat!


----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Ken N Tx




----------



## Pappy




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## MarkinPhx




----------



## MarkinPhx




----------



## OneEyedDiva

Nathan said:


> View attachment 230939


ROFLM*O Nathan!     Gonna have to share this one.


----------



## OneEyedDiva

@Pappy @MickaC @Right Now  Ya'll have me cracking up! Too funny! 
@Radish Rose...Tape surgeon asking for a pencil...I get it.


----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## squatting dog

Pink Biz said:


> View attachment 233024


----------



## IKE

My dream when I retired was to buy a little house by the lake.

With hard work and perseverance my dream finally came true.


----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Right Now




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Marie5656




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Pappy




----------



## MarkinPhx




----------



## Ken N Tx




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nathan

Wise Shaolin Shifu (master) reveals a truth:


----------



## GAlady




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## IKE




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Bella




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Ken N Tx




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Right Now




----------



## Bella




----------



## Ken N Tx




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## squatting dog

Pappy said:


> View attachment 234058




Same here.


----------



## DebraMae

Ken N Tx said:


> View attachment 234041




That announcement may have been premature................


----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Gardenlover




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Lawrence00

Time to get my training in so I stay a free man.


----------



## Right Now




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Bella




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## IKE




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## MickaC




----------



## MickaC




----------



## MarkinPhx




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Right Now




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pinky




----------



## Pinky




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Pinky




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Sassycakes




----------



## Furryanimal

An elderly couple are at McDonald's​They order one meal between the 2 and go and sit down.

The guy in the booth next to them notices they've only got one meal and offers to buy them another one.

The elderly man says "no thank you we share everything"

So the elderly man then cuts the burger in half and gives half to his wife. She starts to eat and the elderly man just sits there.

The man in the booth looks over again and this time notices the elderly man isn't eating yet. So he asks "why aren't you eating as well?

The elderly man replies "I'm waiting for the dentures"


----------



## Pappy




----------



## Paladin1950

Through the years, I have heard a lot of lawyer jokes. I guess some people are not very fond of lawyers. The one I remember the most is this one. A man with a gun got on an elevator with a rattlesnake, Saddam Hussein, and a lawyer. He only had 2 bullets left in his gun, so he shot the lawyer twice. Needless to say, lawyers never laughed at that one. The reasoning I guess is if he had 3 bullets, he would shoot each one. But since he only had 2 bullets, he better shoot the worst of the 3 twice.


----------



## IKE

I'll bet I'm not the only one here that can relate.


----------



## OneEyedDiva

Stole this from one of my Facebook groups:
"A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed."


----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Bella




----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pappy




----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## OneEyedDiva

Pappy said:


> View attachment 235346


OMG...I can SO relate to this!


----------



## OneEyedDiva




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Bella

Ask yourself, "Do I _really _need to open this jar of spaghetti sauce or should I just order take-out?


----------



## Marie5656




----------



## Ruthanne

Marie5656 said:


> View attachment 235758


And that's about as exciting as it gets for me.


----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## mike4lorie

You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are either male or female. Here are some examples:

*FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see
right through them.*

*
PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.
They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.**
TIRES: Tires are male because they go bald easily and are often over inflated**
HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also, a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.**
SPONGES: These are female because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.**
WEB PAGES: Female because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.**
TRAINS: Definitely male because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.**
EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.**
HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.**
THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying*


----------



## mike4lorie

> Washington Post yearly contest results, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
> 
> And the winners are:
> 
> 1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
> 
> 2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
> 
> 3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
> 
> 4. esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
> 
> 5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
> 
> 6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
> 
> 7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
> 
> 8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
> 
> 9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
> 
> 10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
> 
> 11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
> 
> 12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
> 
> 13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
> 
> 14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
> 
> 15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
> 
> 16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The Washington Post invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, *alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, & supplying a new definition.*
> 
> 
> Here are the winners:
> 
> 1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
> 
> 2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
> 
> 3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
> 
> 4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
> 
> 5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking
> 
> down in the near future.
> 
> 6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
> 
> 7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
> 
> 8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
> 
> 9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
> 
> 10. Osteoosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
> 
> 11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
> 
> 12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
> 
> 13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
> 
> 14. Dopeler Effect : The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
> 
> 15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
> 
> 16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
> 
> 17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.


----------



## mike4lorie

*A glass of Wine


To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine and those who don't and are always
seen with a bottle of water in their hand
As Ben Franklin said In wine there is wisdom, In beer there is freedom, In water there are bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria found in feces.

In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop annually.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.
Remember Water = Poop, Wine = Health.
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of E There is no need to thank me for this valuable information
I'm doing it as a public service.*


----------



## Nathan




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Marie5656




----------



## OneEyedDiva




----------



## Marie5656




----------



## Pappy




----------



## squatting dog

Marie5656 said:


> View attachment 236240


Or...................................


----------



## MarkinPhx




----------



## Geezerette

So if Adam and Eve were the first humans created by God, anD they are both shown with NAVELS, is the artist trying to show us God is female?


----------



## squatting dog

Geezerette said:


> So if Adam and Eve were the first humans created by God, anD they are both shown with NAVELS, is the artist trying to show us God is female?


----------



## MarkinPhx

Geezerette said:


> So if Adam and Eve were the first humans created by God, anD they are both shown with NAVELS, is the artist trying to show us God is female?


Now you have me thinking because if God was truly a man he would have screwed up by putting two Eves alone together.......sorry, couldn't resist


----------



## Bella

Before we knew about angles and filters to make us look better in pictures we were stuck living with whatever the artist's interpretation of us happened to be. Might be a good idea to kiss up to the artist before he starts painting, am I right, ladies?


----------



## MarkinPhx




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## Pappy




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## MarkinPhx




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Furryanimal




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## CinnamonSugar




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Bella




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Jace

I was called pretty today...

Well, actually the full statement was "you're pretty àwful"...

But, I only focus _on the *positive. *_


----------



## squatting dog

A moose walks into a bar...and the bartender says.... why the LONG face....


----------



## OneEyedDiva

RadishRose said:


>


This is TOO funny Rose! Gotta share it.


----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## OneEyedDiva




----------



## Pappy




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## OneEyedDiva




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## OneEyedDiva




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Aunt Bea

More truth than humor.


----------



## squatting dog




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Pappy




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Pappy

Beep, beep.


----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## Liberty




----------



## Liberty




----------



## Liberty




----------



## Liberty




----------



## MickaC




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan

Saw this on a Facebook group "Vegetable Gardens" group.   Told them to call Sigourney Weaver.


----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Nathan

Lewkat said:


> View attachment 237554


Lol my brother just [re]posted that on Facebook yesterday.   He would much rather eat donuts than exercise.


----------



## hawkdon

Well I seem to 'member the guy who invented "jogging" died
from heart attack at around 50 yo ......ya never know......


----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lawrence00




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Furryanimal

A lady goes to her parish priest
A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'" the woman said embarrassingly.
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed."
He thought a minute and then said, "You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying that...that phrase in no time."
"Thank you," the lady responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.
As he ushered her in, she saw his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding their rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out in unison, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
There was a stunned silence.
Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered


----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Liberty




----------



## Liberty




----------



## Liberty




----------



## Liberty




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Right Now




----------



## Aunt Bea

squatting dog said:


> View attachment 237855


Who’s at fault?


----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## MarkinPhx




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## GAlady




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Paco Dennis

This article about an alligator falling from the sky, written on July 2, 1843


----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## SeniorBen

We also, I’ve found, accommodate and put up with each other to bridge temporary memory gaps. Like the couple talking about great dining experiences. One guy says, “We really had a great meal last week.”

“Where at?” his buddy asks.

“Hmmm, what was the name of that place?” He pauses. “I’m thinking of a flower that has pickers on the stem and red petals.”

His buddy goes, “A rose. You’re thinking of a rose?”

“Yeah, that’s it. Rose, honey, where was that place we ate at last week?”
https://boomspeak.com/category/essay/


----------



## Marie5656




----------



## Pappy




----------



## MickaC




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Ken N Tx




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Nathan




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Bella




----------



## MarkinPhx




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Ken N Tx




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## JustBonee




----------



## Pink Biz

“We can do this the smooth way, or we can do it the crunchy way.”


----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## Pappy




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Bella




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## dseag2

Nathan said:


>


Reminds me of my mother.   When she was 85 y/o, I hired a retired RN to take her on errands.  The RN called me one day to say that my mother was buying an alarming amount of red wine at the grocery store.  She was concerned.  I told her that if my mother had lived to 85 y/o she could have all the wine she wanted!


----------



## MarkinPhx




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## CinnamonSugar

Well, I feel safer now…


----------



## Nathan




----------



## Ruthanne

Nathan said:


> Lol my brother just [re]posted that on Facebook yesterday.   He would much rather eat donuts than exercise.


Me too!


----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Pinky




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Nathan




----------



## CinnamonSugar




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan

Copy & pasted from somewhere else...

*THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW IF YOU MOVE TO THE SOUTH*

1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.
4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
5. Onced and Twiced are words.
6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
7. Jawl-P? means: Did you all go to the bathroom?
8. People actually grow, eat, and like okra.
9. Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do something.
10. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.
11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.
12. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
13. The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'
14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
16. Y'all is singular. All Y'all is plural.
17. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
18. You carry jumper cables in your car for your OWN car.
19. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco, and ketchup.
20. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, motorsports, and gossip.
21. Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name), or Mr (first name)
22. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
23. You know what a hissy fit is..
24. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
25. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!
26. You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH.
AND one more:
27. Why did the chicken cross the road? To show that stupid possum that it CAN be done!


----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Pappy




----------



## CinnamonSugar




----------



## Jace

If you ever hear...
"First of all"...
Run...get away...leave...
because...
charts, Data, reports have been prepared_ 
that *will destroy you!  *_


----------



## Marie5656




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Lawrence00

https://babylonbee.com/news/first-female-referee-throws-flag-on-play-but-wont-say-whats-wrong


----------



## Bella




----------



## win231

SO, I'M CHECKING OUT AT THE MARKET & WHEN THE CASHIER SAW THE BOTTLE OF WINE, HE ASKED FOR MY I.D.
I SAID, "DO I LOOK THAT YOUNG?"
HE SAID, "NO, I JUST WANT TO SEE IF YOU QUALIFY FOR THE SENIOR DISCOUNT."


----------



## Pappy




----------



## Bella




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## debodun

DIRTY LAUNDRY

A young couple moved into a new house.

The next morning while they were eating breakfast, the young woman saw her neighbor hanging the washing outside.

"That laundry is not very clean; she doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better soap powder.

Her husband looked on, remaining silent.

Every time her neighbor hung her washing out to dry, the young woman made the same comments.

A month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband, "Look, she’s finally learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this?"

The husband replied, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows."


----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Gardenlover




----------



## Gardenlover




----------



## Gardenlover




----------



## Gardenlover




----------



## RadishRose

Pappy said:


> View attachment 239292


Pitures?


----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Bella




----------



## CinnamonSugar

Thi


Pappy said:


> View attachment 239444


This brings up all kinds of interesting questions…. If fave literary characters were in masks... 

If Elizabeth Bennet could not understand Mr Darcy’s first proposal, would she still be offended?

if Tom Sawyer wore a mask, could he still con his friends into whitewashing the fence?

Can you imagine Hercule Poirot trying to out a mask over his famous mustache? Lol


----------



## Nathan




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## -Oy-




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## NorthernLight

Pappy said:


> View attachment 239607


What is the right-hand photo of?


----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Bella




----------



## win231

NorthernLight said:


> What is the right-hand photo of?


I haven't seen them for years.  You pull up to that machine in a bank parking lot, put your deposit/withdrawal & stuff in that plastic tube & it whooshes it to someone in the bank who puts your cash or balance slip back in the tube & whooshes it back to you.
You don't have to get out of your car.
I've also seen those at Costco years ago, but I don't shop there, so I don't know if they still use them.  Cashiers put the money in them & it whooshes it to the office so there isn't much cash in the registers.


----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Ruthanne

Lewkat said:


> View attachment 239697


That's about the size of it !


----------



## Pappy




----------



## Ken N Tx




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Nathan




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Bella

*



*​


----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Furryanimal




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## Nathan

Wasn't sure whether to post here or in Food & Drinks


----------



## Mizmo




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Bella




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Gardenlover




----------



## Pappy




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Jace

You know why he sun is S-O-O smart?...

It has 5,000 degrees!


----------



## Trila




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Llynn

Police in a major eastern city have announced a large increase in the number of thefts of V(eye)agra, both from pharmacies and private homes.
At a news conference, the Chief of the department speculated that the robberies were the work of hardened criminals.


----------



## Pappy




----------



## Beezer

My friend told me a corny joke.  

"I just read the entire dictionary. Spoiler Alert! The zebra did it!"

So I one upped him with this clever retort...

"Yeah. But the aardvark started it."


----------



## Nathan




----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Mizmo

Nathan said:


> View attachment 240692




Poor Mona..she does take a beating


----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Bella




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## horseless carriage

Nothing like a spot of catnip in front of the TV.

Too much catnip. Katzenjammer, german word for hangover.


----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## Trila

My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there's a new strain out there.


​


----------



## Trila

As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, one thing I'm sure of .. it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.


----------



## Marie5656




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Trila

I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.


----------



## Trila

God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the earth round...and laughed and laughed and laughed.


----------



## win231




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Jace

I had my patience tested...

I'm negative!


----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## IKE




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## amwassil




----------



## Jace

When someone tell you _nothing is* impossible...*_

Ask 'them' _to *dribble a football! *_


----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Pappy




----------



## RadishRose

mike4lorie said:


> View attachment 240979


I'm somehow strangely attracted to that shirt.


----------



## amwassil




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Bella




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Marie5656




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Bella




----------



## Marie5656

Nathan said:


> View attachment 241358


Best thing BEFORE sliced bread?  Betty White. LOL...she was born a couple years before


----------



## win231




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## Paco Dennis

Why did the lion cross the road? ... _To get to the other pride_.


----------



## Pappy

No way would I even consider something like this.


----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Bella

Ruthanne said:


> View attachment 241512



* RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!*_... close the door, and call an exterminator! _


----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Nathan




----------



## OneEyedDiva




----------



## OneEyedDiva




----------



## win231




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## timoc

Ruthanne said:


> View attachment 241512


Drop your pants, show it your bum, and watch it scarper.


----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## mike4lorie




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Right Now




----------



## Marie5656




----------



## Bella




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Nathan

This should be in the "High Desert Gardening" section:


----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Bella




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## amwassil




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Bella




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## win231




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## dobielvr

@Ruthanne ..you're on a roll girl


----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## dobielvr

Pappy said:


> View attachment 242211


I resemble that remark!


----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Jace

Change_* is inevitable...*_

except from a vending machine!


----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Marie5656




----------



## Ruthanne

Marie5656 said:


> View attachment 242455


For me it's been a month.


----------



## Lewkat




----------



## amwassil




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Bella




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## amwassil

Click the image to watch the video.


----------



## Marie5656

Pink Biz said:


> View attachment 242672


Suddenly, in my head I hear "Condoms, Rose, CONDOMS"


----------



## Marie5656




----------



## win231




----------



## Paco Dennis

win231 said:


>


Here's proof!!


----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Right Now




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Furryanimal

A bloke runs in to a bar and says. Quick how tall are penguins? The barman says about three feet. The man groans and says :--
I have just run over a NUN


----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## win231




----------



## Pink Biz

*Banana Bread...be sure to follow me for more exciting recipe ideas.*


----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Pappy




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Pappy




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Right Now




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Right Now

What the heck???


----------



## GAlady




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## RadishRose

I don't know either....


----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## hawkdon

RadishRose said:


> View attachment 243475
> I don't know either....


3 tired old ladies that's all.......


----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Bella




----------



## Gardenlover

RadishRose said:


> View attachment 243475
> I don't know either....


They look tired to me


----------



## Pappy

RadishRose said:


> View attachment 243475
> I don't know either....


They look like they are “tired.”


----------



## Pappy




----------



## dobielvr

RadishRose said:


> View attachment 243475
> I don't know either....


They're tired..

Eta:  ok..brilliant minds think alike.


----------



## RadishRose

Gardenlover said:


> They look tired to me


Ahhhhahahahhhahaha! Tired.......


----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Pappy




----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## StarSong




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Bella




----------



## Pappy




----------



## MickaC




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## MickaC




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## IKE




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## GAlady




----------



## StarSong

GAlady said:


> View attachment 244237


My grandkids have never been in vehicle with crank windows but still say "roll the window down."


----------



## RadishRose

Don't touch that dial.

Telephone.


----------



## squatting dog




----------



## IKE




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Pappy




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Nathan




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## squatting dog

RadishRose said:


> View attachment 244613


----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## sch404




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## win231




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Pappy




----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## squatting dog

GAlady said:


> View attachment 244976


Or............


----------



## Pappy




----------



## StarSong

@Pappy, I really wanted an Easy-Bake oven because of the commercials.  One of my friends got one and I was very excited to spend a Saturday with her because we were going to bake brownies.  What a disappointment - took forever, they tasted terrible, and the texture was awful.  That ended my yearning for an Easy-Bake.


----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Furryanimal

A German Shepherd, Doberman, and a cat have died. All three are faced with God, who wants to know what they believe in.

The German shepherd says, “I believe in discipline training, and loyalty to my master.”

“Good,” says God. “Then sit down on my right side. Doberman, what do you believe in?”

The Doberman answers, “I believe in the love, care, and protection of my master.”

“Ah, yes,” said God. “You may sit to my left.”

Then he looks at the cat and asks, “And what do you believe in?”





The cat answers, “I believe you’re sitting in my seat.”


----------



## IKE




----------



## NorthernLight

StarSong said:


> @Pappy, I really wanted an Easy-Bake oven because of the commercials.  One of my friends got one and I was very excited to spend a Saturday with her because we were going to bake brownies.  What a disappointment - took forever, they tasted terrible, and the texture was awful.  That ended my yearning for an Easy-Bake.


Mine was worse! The 2 little cakes were fine. But I had to share mine with the friend who was visiting, and she got to take hers home. Even with my rudimentary understanding of math, I knew it wasn't fair.


----------



## Mizmo

fun with the cursor


----------



## Lewkat

View attachment 244667


----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Pappy




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## StarSong




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nathan




----------



## StarSong




----------



## RubyK




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Ruthanne

Lewkat said:


> View attachment 245100


Thanks for making me see the positive in it!


----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Right Now

If you don't believe this, just ask him!


----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## RadishRose

People who don't understand pasta


----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Pappy




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Jace

For 'you' grandparents..to ask grandkids...this _time of year _

How do you mend a broken   jack-o-lantern?

With a _*pumpkin patch! *_


----------



## RadishRose




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Pappy




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Furryanimal

no politics...


----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Mizmo

take the test if you dare !....


----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## squatting dog

The higher the hair... the closer to heaven.


----------



## charry




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Right Now




----------



## Jace

Why did the scarecrow receive an award? 

 Because..._he *was outstanding in his field!  *_


----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## IKE




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## OneEyedDiva




----------



## Pappy




----------



## squatting dog

Don't forget to surprise your wife with some flowers from time to time!


----------



## Lewkat

OneEyedDiva said:


> View attachment 246367


Clever.


----------



## Lewkat




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Jace

Why did the  spider cross the road?


To get to another *website!  *


----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Ken N Tx




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Right Now




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Jace

If anyone has any ideas on how to fix broken door hinges...

my door _is *always open..to them!*_


----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Ken N Tx




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Right Now




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Bella




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Jace

Pappy said:


> View attachment 246560


Neat!


----------



## Jace

What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?

*Squash!   *


----------



## Mizmo




----------



## Farrah Nuff




----------



## Farrah Nuff




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## IKE




----------



## IKE

Can't afford to get candy this Halloween for the kids so.........


----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Pappy




----------



## NorthernLight

Dave (Graham) is/was a real person. I used to be acquainted with him.

He was Chong's comedy partner before Cheech.


----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pappy

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'


----------



## DebraMae




----------



## win231




----------



## win231




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pappy

Tried my luck baking banana bread yesterday. Just need a little fine tuning.


----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## GAlady

View attachment 247550


----------



## squatting dog




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Ken N Tx




----------



## MickaC




----------



## Pappy




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## DebraMae

RadishRose said:


>



Low rider?


----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Murrmurr

Pink Biz said:


> View attachment 247891


We need a forehead-slapping "D'oh!" smiley.


----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan

My friend's Día de los Muertos  snack tray:


----------



## RadishRose

DebraMae said:


> Low rider?


Looks pretty damn low to me, too!


----------



## RadishRose




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Ken N Tx




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## timoc

RadishRose said:


>


"Gulp!! Rose, when you invited me round for an evening by the fire, I had it in my mind we were gonna sit on a sofa eating pop-corn and watching TV."


----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Pappy




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## MarkinPhx




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Right Now




----------



## GAlady




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Nathan




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ken N Tx




----------



## Jace

Did you hear the joke about the jump rope? 

No, I _skipped it! _


----------



## Nathan




----------



## RadishRose

Nathan said:


> View attachment 248457


Funny and sounds like a good idea, but beware of retaliation.

I saw doorbell video on TV about a family who'd suffered more than one theft. They boxed up a bunch of their baby's dirty diapers and set them out. Yes, the thieves stole the  box.

Another night the thieves brought the box back, smeared the contents of the diapers all over the people's door. They came back yet _another_ night with cow manure and flung it around their porch. UGH


----------



## Geezer Garage

Taser time.



RadishRose said:


> Funny and sounds like a good idea, but beware of retaliation.
> 
> I saw doorbell video on TV about a family who'd suffered more than one theft. They boxed up a bunch of their baby's dirty diapers and set them out. Yes, the thieves stole the  box.
> 
> Another night the thieves brought the box back, smeared the contents of the diapers all over the people's door. They came back yet _another_ night with cow manure and flung it around their porch. UGH


----------



## palides2021

DebraMae said:


> View attachment 248212


That's me! I always pray before eating, and when visiting family, they start chomping away, and here I am saying my prayer. Had to laugh at this!


----------



## NorthernLight

I used to eat with my coworkers often. One man would cross himself and briefly put his hands in prayer position. The whole thing took about one second.

I don't mind waiting for grace, as long as we don't have to hold hands.


----------



## Geezer Garage

I got tired of waiting for Grace, and went to the movie without her.


----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## IKE




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Been There

RadishRose said:


>





RadishRose said:


>


This is no b.s. There’s a friend of my friend’s that is single and drinks probably a case or more each week. He buys what we call, pounders, or 16 ouncers in cans. When he’s done with the beer, he throws it in one of those big black plastic garbage bags. We were just over at his place last week. I was curious and I asked him about how many bags he fills before he takes them to the recyclers. He told us funny you should ask. I took 52 bags over there just 2 weeks ago. I don’t know how much he got for them, but I think he said he was paid .46 per pound. Does that sound about right?


----------



## squatting dog

Answer to the age old question.


----------



## Right Now

squatting dog said:


> Answer to the age old question.
> 
> 
> View attachment 248640



I've heard this saying all of my life.  I always thought, " Where do you think they go?  To the rest areas on the interstates?"
Now, you have let me realize I can go to sleep tonight and not have that worry on my mind.


----------



## RadishRose

Been There said:


> This is no b.s. There’s a friend of my friend’s that is single and drinks probably a case or more each week. He buys what we call, pounders, or 16 ouncers in cans. When he’s done with the beer, he throws it in one of those big black plastic garbage bags. We were just over at his place last week. I was curious and I asked him about how many bags he fills before he takes them to the recyclers. He told us funny you should ask. I took 52 bags over there just 2 weeks ago. I don’t know how much he got for them, but I think he said he was paid .46 per pound. Does that sound about right?


Wow, I don't know how much an empty beer can weighs.  But your friend sure loves the brew. Maybe he should make his own Craft beer?


----------



## Nathan




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## CinnamonSugar




----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy

I guess I would have never figured that out without that sign:


----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pappy




----------



## IKE




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## CinnamonSugar




----------



## GAlady




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Nathan




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Pappy




----------



## MickaC




----------



## Liberty




----------



## Liberty




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Liberty




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## IKE




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Mizmo

* Points of Enlightenment*


----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Furryanimal




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Liberty




----------



## Bella




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan

This is perhaps my all time Far Side favorite.


----------



## GAlady




----------



## Pappy




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## Bella




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Pappy




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Sassycakes




----------



## Murrmurr

RadishRose said:


> Funny and sounds like a good idea, but beware of retaliation.
> 
> I saw doorbell video on TV about a family who'd suffered more than one theft. They boxed up a bunch of their baby's dirty diapers and set them out. Yes, the thieves stole the  box.
> 
> Another night the thieves brought the box back, smeared the contents of the diapers all over the people's door. They came back yet _another_ night with cow manure and flung it around their porch. UGH


Ok, adjustment: leave your Amazon-boxed junk on the neighborhood arsehole's porch.


----------



## Liberty




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan

I should post this in the Food & Drinks section.


----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Pappy




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Feelslikefar

Recently found the answer to those overly crunchy croutons in my salads.
Softens them right up...


----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Right Now




----------



## Pappy




----------



## MarkinPhx




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## win231




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Bella




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Pappy




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Furryanimal

What's red and goes up and down? A strawberry in an elevator.


----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## RadishRose

Paco Dennis said:


>


Every year. I still laugh!


----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## win231




----------



## Pappy

And all this time I thought it was on Uranus..


----------



## IKE




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## win231




----------



## Marie5656




----------



## MarkinPhx




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Nathan




----------



## MarkinPhx

35 Quotes of Steven Wright:
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ..... But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever ... So far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?


----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## officerripley

I only have 2 brain cells left, and one wandered off and the other's out looking for it.


----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## win231

Thinking about a second car.


----------



## horseless carriage

win231 said:


> Thinking about a second car.


So boring, John Lennon has been there, done that!


Nowadays you have to have all the go-fast flames to get noticed!



But if you really want to stand out from the crowd, fit Gull-wing doors.


----------



## Nathan




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Pappy




----------



## iksentrik




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Mizmo

just a giggle.....


----------



## RadishRose

Pappy said:


> View attachment 251624


I love this photo!


----------



## squatting dog

Never fart in a VW with the windows up.


----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Gardenlover




----------



## Nathan




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Pappy




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## IKE




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## NorthernLight

Yes, it is distinctly American. Others have green beans, and casseroles, but not in the same dish.


----------



## Pappy




----------



## Packerjohn

JonSR77 said:


> I thought that maybe a general humor thread might be fun...to save some scrolling down, anyway...
> 
> So, to it...
> 
> I posted one from Archie McPhee. Seems folks like that one...
> 
> It's a gag gift company.  They make a lot of wacky, extremely funny stuff.
> 
> For example, they make a "Yodeling Pickle"
> 
> My wife bought me one, one Holiday season.
> 
> It's truly tons of wacky fun.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> https://mcphee.com/products/yodelling-pickle
> 
> I hope it is ok to post a link to the page.  I mean, they do sell their products and I don't want to be seen as pushing a product for sales.  Just trying to share some wacky fun.  Plus, their stuff is generally super cheap.


This guy really needs a life.  Maybe he has been hiding for the last 2.5 years during those exciting Covid days.  He needs to talk to people before he become toast.


----------



## RadishRose

Pink Biz said:


> View attachment 251853


I need to get a passport.


----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Pink Biz

RadishRose said:


> I need to get a passport.


Haters gonna hate...


----------



## RadishRose

Pink Biz said:


> Haters gonna hate...


PB, if YOU made it, that's a different story...


----------



## IKE

Pink Biz said:


> View attachment 251853


Maybe all the times I've had GBC through the years it was just made by the wrong people but I never have liked it.


----------



## IKE




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pappy




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## Pappy




----------



## IKE




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Marie5656




----------



## OneEyedDiva




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pappy




----------



## IKE




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Right Now




----------



## IKE




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Pappy

Hope this style doesn’t catch on.


----------



## Marie5656




----------



## Sassycakes




----------



## Sassycakes

*If you want to find out who loves you more, *
*stick your wife and dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. *
*When you open the trunk, who is happy to see you?*


----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Sassycakes

*What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? 
If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.*


----------



## Disgustedman

A rich rancher went and bought himself a new Audi. He drive to the local donut shop and got out.

His two friends look and one said "Here comes David, he'll be spouting about that new car!"

The other one says "Nah, he's a real down to earth guy. Not a braggart"

David walks in and says "Audi partners!"

(Cleanest joke I knew)


----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## IKE




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Pappy




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## fancicoffee13

JonSR77 said:


> I thought that maybe a general humor thread might be fun...to save some scrolling down, anyway...
> 
> So, to it...
> 
> I posted one from Archie McPhee. Seems folks like that one...
> 
> It's a gag gift company.  They make a lot of wacky, extremely funny stuff.
> 
> For example, they make a "Yodeling Pickle"
> 
> My wife bought me one, one Holiday season.
> 
> It's truly tons of wacky fun.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> https://mcphee.com/products/yodelling-pickle
> 
> I hope it is ok to post a link to the page.  I mean, they do sell their products and I don't want to be seen as pushing a product for sales.  Just trying to share some wacky fun.  Plus, their stuff is generally super cheap.


That is so funny!  Thanks for sharing.  We all need a yodeling pickle once in awhile!


----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## win231




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Nathan

Yea, but hey- it's Godzilla!


----------



## Pappy




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pappy




----------



## fancicoffee13

Ruthanne said:


> View attachment 252792


Right on!  With dogs too!  lol lol


----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Nathan

Wrong fonts for the job?


----------



## Nathan




----------



## Right Now




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Pappy




----------



## IKE




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Pappy




----------



## IKE




----------



## IKE




----------



## IKE




----------



## iksentrik




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Pappy




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Nathan




----------



## GAlady




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Right Now




----------



## Right Now




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pappy




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Furryanimal

A white horse walks into a pub called The White Horse, and asks for a pint of lager, which the landlord promptly presents.

He then says - Funny thing really, but did you know our pub is named after you?

The white horse, with a puzzled look on his face, says

What, ‘Eric?!


----------



## Right Now




----------



## Pappy




----------



## MickaC

*I’m having big issues with the stores that insist on selling CHOCOLATE !!!!!!
I feel obligated to buy it..*


----------



## Nathan




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Sassycakes

Afte*r you die, the last part of your body to stop working are your pupils because...*​*...they dilate!*


----------



## Pappy




----------



## Ken N Tx

Pappy said:


> View attachment 253992


----------



## IKE




----------



## IKE




----------



## IKE




----------



## RadishRose

*“The dining room table houses a secret spiral staircase.*


----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Nathan

My geometry is a bit rusty, so I'll have to take this on good faith:


----------



## -Oy-

hehe


----------



## Pink Biz

@Gary O'


----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Gary O'

Pink Biz said:


> @Gary O'


I'd reply, but this is my busy season



I had to change the pic
(don't ask)


----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Sassycakes




----------



## Sassycakes




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Ken N Tx

IKE said:


> View attachment 254035


----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Bella




----------



## Furryanimal

Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.

It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.

On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy's, 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat ... and nearly drowned!

Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Paddy, went to see his grandmother. '

Grandma,' he asked, "It's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled brown eyes and said, "Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in August, you effin' idiot."


----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## IKE




----------



## iksentrik




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Nemo2

> If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> 
> Click to expand...
Click to expand...


----------



## GAlady




----------



## IKE




----------



## Lilac




----------



## Right Now




----------



## Pappy




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Nathan




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Nathan

I think what happened here is pretty clear...


----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Lilac

.


----------



## Nathan




----------



## Lilac




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nathan




----------



## -Oy-




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Sassycakes

I HOPE THESE MAKE YOU GIGGLE 

What did the salt say to the pepper on Christmas? Seasonings greetings!
How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing. It was on the house.
Which of Santa’s reindeer has bad manners? Rude-olph.
Where do reindeer go if they lose a tail? The retail store.
What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
What did Santa do when his sleigh broke down? He got it mistle-toed.


----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## horseless carriage




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## GAlady

You


----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## IKE




----------



## iksentrik




----------



## Nemo2

iksentrik said:


> View attachment 255587


I think he does double duty...appears he also works for Microsoft and is worried about our computers.


----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Nathan




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nathan




----------



## IKE




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pappy




----------



## iksentrik




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Bella




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Right Now




----------



## Right Now




----------



## iksentrik




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pappy




----------



## 1955




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Bella




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Pappy




----------



## iksentrik




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Right Now




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Bella




----------



## Right Now




----------



## Pappy




----------



## iksentrik




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Nemo2

T-shirt in a store in Iceland 2014:


----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Pappy




----------



## IKE




----------



## IKE

dbl. post


----------



## IKE




----------



## Nemo2

IKE said:


> View attachment 256500


Reminds me of this one we found in Vigo, Spain, about 8 years ago


----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pappy




----------



## iksentrik




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## perChance




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Pappy




----------



## iksentrik




----------



## RadishRose

Ruthanne said:


> View attachment 256790


OMG I have done this- (but with a rag and no wine.)


----------



## RadishRose




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Lilac

.


----------



## Furryanimal

*In the great desert lived a bunch of nomads.
Their leader, Benny, had risen to his rank, due to his magnificent beard. His people believed a man's strength and courage came from his beard, and thus the man with the biggest beard was their chief.
After leading the band for many years, Benny began to feel uncomfortable wearing the beards, in this hot and dusty land. He wanted to shave it off, so he called his council together to get their advice.
When he said he wanted to shave, the councilmen were shocked. One said, "Do you now remember the ancient legend, sire?The leader who removes his beard is cursed and made into a piece of earthenware."
Benny had heard this legend, but being a modern man, he scoffed at the tale.
Being headstrong, he went ahead and cut and scraped away his once magnificent beard. As the final whisker was cut off, a huge dust storm came up. It lasted only a few seconds, and when it cleared, there was a man-sized clay vessel where only moments before had stood their leader.
The council then knew the legend must be true. Their conclusion? "A Benny shaved is a Benny urned."*


----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## IKE




----------



## IKE




----------



## iksentrik




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Lilac

.


----------



## Lilac

.


----------



## RadishRose

Pink Biz said:


> View attachment 257229


You're still better off with math than you are with English.


----------



## RadishRose




----------



## MrPants




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## OldFeller

A Jewish husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.

The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?”

"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress.”

"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!”

"I can understand that, "replies her husband,
"but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris,
no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours.”

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Moishe? " asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.

"Ours is prettier," she replies


----------



## Pappy




----------



## OldFeller

Pappy said:


> View attachment 257335


OW! That hurts to read. very painful.


----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## GAlady




----------



## IKE




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## iksentrik




----------



## IKE




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nemo2

For some obscure reason the 'Telephone Numbers with Names' thread reminded me of this joke....possibly the 'names' aspect:
 50 plus years ago, my then wife & I lived in an apartment building in downtown Toronto which was mainly populated by gays.

In the elevator one day one was telling a joke.

"I was by the lake the other day and a stranger asked if I could direct him to the Toronto Island Ferry

I replied _"Speaking"_"


----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## MarkinPhx




----------



## Pappy




----------



## iksentrik




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## IKE




----------



## IKE




----------



## Bella




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Pappy




----------



## MarkinPhx




----------



## Pappy




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## IKE




----------



## iksentrik




----------



## IKE




----------



## Pappy




----------



## IKE




----------



## IKE




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## IKE




----------



## IKE




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Pappy




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Pappy




----------



## IKE




----------



## IKE




----------



## Pappy




----------



## iksentrik




----------



## Nemo2

Build a man a fire, and you keep him warm for a day.

Set him on fire and you keep him warm for the rest of his life.


----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Pappy




----------



## win231

Couldn't have said it better myself.


----------



## Pappy




----------



## IKE




----------



## iksentrik




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Mizmo

Scottish one..


----------



## Nathan




----------



## Bella




----------



## -Oy-




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## IKE




----------



## IKE




----------



## IKE




----------



## IKE




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## NorthernLight

A friend collected mid-century microcars. One of them had a vanity plate saying "TWO CYL," so people behind him would know he couldn't move fast.


----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pappy




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## MarkinPhx




----------



## Pappy




----------



## OldFeller




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Pappy




----------



## IKE




----------



## IKE




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## OldFeller

Ruthanne said:


> View attachment 259456


There's a product I couldn't wait to see hit the shelves. It used to be called a laxative. Now it's a breakfast drink. Hmmmm...


----------



## MarkinPhx




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Barefootgirl




----------



## Right Now




----------



## Barefootgirl

Lewkat said:


> View attachment 259527


This is the look I give my husband every night!!


----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## GAlady




----------



## OldFeller

I got handy lately


----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Barefootgirl

Pink Biz said:


> View attachment 259550


ok I had to look at it for a few seconds then I got it!


----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Ruthanne




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Mizmo




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Barefootgirl




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## IKE




----------



## IKE




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## iksentrik




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Pappy




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## IKE




----------



## IKE




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## iksentrik




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## JaniceM




----------



## JaniceM




----------



## JaniceM




----------



## debodun

JaniceM said:


> View attachment 260058


My spirit plant:


----------



## win231




----------



## Bella




----------



## MikeyDude




----------



## MikeyDude




----------



## debodun

win231 said:


>


I'm putting my money on the new car.


----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## GAlady




----------



## Lawrence00

Sobriety Check


----------



## Pappy




----------



## IKE




----------



## IKE




----------



## debodun

If you can't stand the sharks, stay out of the ocean!

Did you hear about the guy that was attacked by a shark that chewed off almost all his left side? He's all right now, though.


----------



## Pappy




----------



## JaniceM




----------



## JaniceM




----------



## JaniceM




----------



## TeeJay

Lawrence00 said:


> Sobriety Check


*Fun Fact: If you have diabetic neuropathy (like I do), it's oompossible to do the walking a straight-line thing for Officer Friendly. I don't drive anyway, so it don't matter. But I've tried it a million (okay, mebbe dozens of) times, n' I totally lose my balance before even taking just one step, every single time! Also, I fall a lot, due to the same malady. *


----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## -Oy-




----------



## debodun

Those posting thumbnail photos, use this button:


----------



## CinnamonSugar

debodun said:


> Those posting thumbnail photos, use this button:
> View attachment 260319


Btw, love your new avatar, @debodun


----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Lawrence00

I wish I had.


----------



## Lewkat




----------



## debodun




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## GAlady




----------



## iksentrik




----------



## debodun




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## IKE




----------



## win231




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## MarkinPhx




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## Pappy




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## DebraMae




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## IKE




----------



## CinnamonSugar




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Liberty




----------



## Liberty




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## Lewkat




----------



## Liberty




----------



## Liberty




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## Bella




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## Pappy




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## win231




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## iksentrik




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## Barefootgirl




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## Nathan




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## Nathan




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## Pink Biz




----------



## Pappy




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## Nathan




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## CinnamonSugar

Nathan said:


> View attachment 260679


I don’t think even @Geezer Garage could do anything with that!


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## MarkinPhx




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## squatting dog

When Dinosaurs used an outdated calendar.


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## IKE




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## Barefootgirl




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## Barefootgirl




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## Geezer Garage

Oh, that should buff right out.



CinnamonSugar said:


> I don’t think even @Geezer Garage could do anything with that!


----------



## OldFeller

Having trouble adjusting to the New Year...


----------



## Pappy




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## IKE




----------



## Right Now

I loved this show!


----------



## Lewkat




----------



## iksentrik




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Right Now

*Taking a selfie circa 1973.*


----------



## debodun




----------



## Becky1951




----------



## Nemo2




----------



## MarkinPhx




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Pappy




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## MarkinPhx




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## CinnamonSugar

MarkinPhx said:


> View attachment 260874whwer


Where Is The Groan emoji???  LOL


----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Liberty




----------



## Liberty




----------



## Liberty




----------



## Liberty




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## RadishRose

Lewkat said:


> View attachment 260877


LOL, Genius!


----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Nathan

Spotted Christmas eve...


----------



## Lewkat




----------



## Pappy




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## CinnamonSugar

I can totally see this towel in @Georgiagranny’s kitchen


----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Pappy




----------



## win231




----------



## Pappy




----------



## IKE




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Right Now




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## IKE




----------



## Liberty




----------



## Liberty




----------



## Liberty




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Pappy




----------



## Nathan




----------



## Nathan




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## Jace

squatting dog said:


> View attachment 261357


 It...and...as, so many of us are!


----------



## RadishRose




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Bella




----------



## Jace

Bella said:


>


So true!


----------



## Pappy




----------



## Right Now




----------



## Lewkat




----------



## IKE




----------



## IKE




----------



## Paco Dennis




----------



## Furryanimal

As we age everything changes : including us -

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.

3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.

4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.

5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.

9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.

10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"

11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.

12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.

13. I run like the winded.

14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.

15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"

16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."

19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.

20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb!


----------



## Pappy




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## Pink Biz




----------



## iksentrik




----------



## Right Now




----------



## Right Now




----------



## DebraMae




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## IKE

RadishRose said:


>


I think he's yelling at me RR......I'll admit to sometimes not using my turn signals.


----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## Pappy




----------



## MarkinPhx




----------



## squatting dog




----------



## RadishRose




----------



## Pink Biz




----------



## win231




----------



## RadishRose




----------

