# Should The Inheritance Be Split Equitably.....??



## OneEyedDiva (Jul 15, 2022)

There are children and grandchildren who keep up with their parents/grandparents. They call, text, visit when they can and even drive the parent/grandparent to doctors and to run errands.
Then there are those who do not bother to call, text or visit..maybe except for the parents'/grandparents' birthdays. I've seen threads by SF members who indicate their children don't pay attention to them at all. So sad!
Should inheritances be divided evenly regardless or should the children/grandchildren who have been attentive receive more?


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## Warrigal (Jul 15, 2022)

No-one should expect to be included in any will because it is the last act a person makes and no matter what their reasons are, their wishes should be respected. Obviously, they should be of sound mind and not unduly influenced or pressured, in which case it is OK to challenge the will.


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## Tish (Jul 15, 2022)

For the sake of peace, I would say yes, but my heart goes out to those that have been ignored and discarded and it says leave them, just enough so that they have no reason to dispute it.


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## JustDave (Jul 15, 2022)

I'm all for following the will to the letter.  If the deceased wanted it some other way, he would have written it some other way.  It's not really about what is fair, or what is presumed to be what he "REALLY" wanted.  It's about what is written down.  Making changes and/or "corrections" to the will after the fact is presumptuous and usually self serving.


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## Aunt Bea (Jul 15, 2022)

I agree with others, a person should follow their heart without being vindictive or weaponizing their last will and testament.

IMO you should never disclose the terms of your last will and testament, dangle it like a carrot or perhaps wield it like a sword, over the heads of family and friends.

In the end, a will is little more than a safe full of promises.

None of us can predict with any degree of certainty what we will leave behind or who will be left to receive it.


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## ronaldj (Jul 15, 2022)

give it to whomever you wish.....or better yet. make it so the last check you write bounces and that check would be to the mortician.


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## Ronni (Jul 15, 2022)

I don’t have much to leave anyone, but I’m close to all my kids so what I have will get divided equally, with the exception of my few pieces of expensive jewelry. That goes to my only daughter who intends to pass it down to her only daughter. 

I think that the one time in your life that you get to be completely self focused without guilt is when it comes to a will. Leave whatever you want to whoever you want, exclude anyone you feel doesn’t deserve it. You won’t be around to deal with the fallout so why not?


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## C50 (Jul 15, 2022)

That's a very difficult question to answer.  My first response would be no, I think family you are closer to and who have been an active part of your life are more deserving. 

Sadly even if your goal is to maintain family harmony by having your estate divided equally that probably won't work. Those that have been an active part of your life could easily be resentful of an estranged sibling getting the same.  I have a friend going thru that exact scenario right now with his twin sister over their parents estate.

I am presently helping my older brother with his estate planning.  His goal is to punish all the relatives he is mad at by leaving explicit instructions excluding them.  He is actually writing it down who gets nothing.  Very sad.

  My advise is while you're still alive be as generous as possible with the people close to you. Gift them, reward them, pass on some possessions, let them know you appreciate them.  As for the division of your remaining estate after death, I honestly don't think it needs to be equal.

The bulk of my estate is divided equally between my two kids, with a small portion tossed to my niece and her children.


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## Buckeye (Jul 15, 2022)

ronaldj said:


> give it to whomever you wish....*.or better yet. make it so the last check you write bounces and that check would be to the mortician.*


That's my plan, I'm right on target, and I'm good until next Tuesday.


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## Myquest55 (Jul 15, 2022)

My father handled it brilliantly, with the help of a new lawyer, just before he died. He finally realized that his youngest child could NOT handle a large amount of money in a responsible way.  In his will, Dad named a specific dollar amount to go to that child followed by a couple of charities, also with dollar amounts.  THEN, it says that the three remaining children were to split the remainder of the estate evenly.  The executor showed that page of the will to the named child when a check was finally written out.  That child was convinced that they got the lion's share and went away happy.  The rest of us kept quiet and went away with a LOT more - and really appreciated it!  I'm sure it depends on the family dynamics.  

We have three very responsible sons so will split everything evenly there, leaving them to decide what to ultimately give their own children.


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## Geezer Garage (Jul 15, 2022)

I've had to deal with two estates in the last few years, and it was truly something I would wish on no one. My estate planning is up to date, and I have only one child, and granddaughter. The larger portion of my estate will go to several charities, as I've never felt leaving large sums of money to anyone, is doing them any kind of favor. My son has always been good with money, and already has his retirement thought out and invested for. I will be leaving him my home if he wants to keep it in the family. Otherwise I will sell it when the time comes, and decide what to do with the proceeds then.


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## HarryHawk (Jul 15, 2022)

You might think about doing some selective giving during your lifetime.  In some respects, the money may be more helpful to your selected children/grandchildren sooner as opposed to later. THe gifts would be confidential, no one needs to know except you and the recipient (there are ways to set that up that even the recipient doesn't know until sometime in the future).


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## Chet (Jul 15, 2022)

There are family members who are compassionate and caring as to your needs in old age, and those who only think of themselves. The latter deserve what's proportional to their indifference and should probably be zero. I'm experiencing what I've written.


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## Gaer (Jul 15, 2022)

JustDave said:


> I'm all for following the will to the letter.  If the deceased wanted it some other way, he would have written it some other way.  It's not really about what is fair, or what is presumed to be what he "REALLY" wanted.  It's about what is written down.  Making changes and/or "corrections" to the will after the fact is presumptuous and usually self serving.


Yes.


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## Lethe200 (Jul 15, 2022)

We are childless so when we decided which relatives to choose as our heirs, we went to a lawyer who specializes in eldercare. Interestingly, she first asked us to describe all our family members on BOTH sides, and actually sketched a family tree in her notepad.

When I remarked that I thought our designations would make it easier to draw up our trust/will, she corrected me. She pointed out that we were disinheriting relatives of equal or closer relation, and it was important that we make it very clear in our legal documents that no one specifically mentioned had any rights of inheritance.

Each state has different rules for who can or CANNOT be considered an heir. It is very difficult, for example, in some states, to prevent a surviving spouse from claiming at least some part of the estate unless the language is exact.

If you are thinking of dividing your estate in unequal shares - "per stirpes" rather than "per capita" - you definitely need to have an estate attorney draw up your documents.

Good luck to you in making your decision. It's a difficult one - we went back and forth for a while on who would inherit what!


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## OneEyedDiva (Jul 15, 2022)

I'm blessed to have only one child, so there will be no siblings fighting over what one or the other thinks is rightfully theirs. I've seen and heard of some ugly happenings in families that wouldn't have expected it. And I've heard of children who did nothing to help a dying parent at all raising hell because they didn't get what they wanted. I have included my grandchildren and a relatively small percentage for each of my two honorary children (my son's best friends). My son is fine with that. There is a clause in my will that states* anyone who contests the will shall get nothing.* Brokerages have their own beneficiary designations outside of what's in wills, so I have my heirs covered in that regard as well.

@Lethe200  Thank you but my will was revised by an estate attorney about three years ago, after my husband died with no need to make any changes at this time. My brokerage beneficiaries were also updated out of necessity immediately after my DIL passed away last December.
@Harry Hawk, I have started the selective giving process because the young people are having a hard time these days in this financial environment.
@ronaldj , my insurances will more than cover my funeral expenses and my plot, including opening and closing fees are paid in full.   Never bounced a check in my life, I'm not about to start after I kick it. 
@Geezer Garage Yeah I heard that estate settlements can be a b*tch. It's a time consuming, thankless job.
@Warrigal @Tish @JustDave @Aunt Bea @Buckeye @C50 @Chet


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## Just Jeff (Jul 15, 2022)

OneEyedDiva said:


> There are children and grandchildren who keep up with their parents/grandparents. They call, text, visit when they can and even drive the parent/grandparent to doctors and to run errands.
> Then there are those who do not bother to call, text or visit..maybe except for the parents'/grandparents' birthdays. I've seen threads by SF members who indicate their children don't pay attention to them at all. So sad!
> Should inheritances be divided evenly regardless or should the children/grandchildren who have been attentive receive more?


That's not for anyone here to say, is it ?


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## OneEyedDiva (Jul 15, 2022)

Just Jeff said:


> That's not for anyone here to say, is it ?


It's just a question out of curiosity Jeff, not asking what to do as you'll see if you read my reply #16 above.


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## Just Jeff (Jul 15, 2022)

OneEyedDiva said:


> It's just a question out of *curiosity *Jeff, not asking what to do as you'll see if you read my reply #16 above.


....   then I hope you're not a cat ....


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## OneEyedDiva (Jul 15, 2022)

Just Jeff said:


> ....   then I hope you're not a cat ....


I'm not a cat but I am a "cat person", though I haven't had a cat since our beloved Audra died over 25 years ago. I enjoy reading the stories and watching the Love Meow videos of cute kittens.


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## Myquest55 (Jul 15, 2022)

Thank you for the reminder about investment & life insurance beneficiaries.  Those will process outside a will and life insurance payments are no subject to any tax.  Investments will be considered part of the estate which may be taxed - depending on the state.

I think that any will created by an attorney, will have that clause "*anyone who contests the will shall get nothing."  *But,  we were advised that it CAN be contested if an attorney feels there is a strong case.   Unusual, but possible.

Good discussion Diva!  I like the idea of favoring those who help out and pay attention NOW and leaving everyone a little something in a will, later.


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## Blessed (Jul 15, 2022)

It is tiring to have to do this over again.  Will#1between my husband and myself.  Husband passed when my son was only 22.  Did my will again that should I die everything would pass to my son at age 35, other than college expenses to be handled by my BIL, most decent human I have ever met.  I would trust him more than my sister, in fact more than my husband.

Son will be 35 next summer, I am looking at another revision.  To have money set aside for my step grandson (as other people see him) to me he is my grandson and hopefully a second grandchild to pay for their college.  If they choose not to go to college, those monies will be held until they are 35 but I don't intend to tell them that. Should anything God forbid, happen to them, the money will revert to my son.

Am I missing something here? I do not have anyone to bounce ideas off.


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## Sassycakes (Jul 15, 2022)

When my parents passed away we made all the grandchildren split what was left. Only my brother's wife got annoyed yet she had 4 kids and my sister had 3 and I have 2.


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## Michael Z (Jul 15, 2022)

5 kids, 20% a piece. No sense starting something after my wife and I are dead.


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## OneEyedDiva (Jul 16, 2022)

Myquest55 said:


> Thank you for the reminder about investment & life insurance beneficiaries.  Those will process outside a will and life insurance payments are no subject to any tax.  Investments will be considered part of the estate which may be taxed - depending on the state.
> 
> I think that any will created by an attorney, will have that clause "*anyone who contests the will shall get nothing."  *But,  we were advised that it CAN be contested if an attorney feels there is a strong case.   Unusual, but possible.
> 
> Good discussion Diva!  I like the idea of favoring those who help out and pay attention NOW and leaving everyone a little something in a will, later.


Thank you for saying this is a good discussion. I'm glad you find it interesting and that it reminded you about investment and life insurance beneficiaries. 

@Blessed Revisions may be a PITA but they are necessary from time to time. Good for you for keeping up with your estate planning.


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