# For Those Seniors Living Alone



## Ruthanne (Apr 11, 2022)

Do you have a plan for someone to help you if something bad happens?  Please let me know, I am interested and my health is getting worse recently.  Do you rely on someone or relative?

I recently have been sleeping a lot more than usual and am extremely tired much of the time.  Coffee puts me to sleep.  I am wondering if this could be Hepatic Encephalopathy.  It is a symptom of the liver disease I have that I've had for at least 6 years.  It's a progressive disease.  

Anyhow, I could go into a coma in my sleep .  That's why I'm wondering what's next.

Thanks for any thoughts and ideas and your experience.


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## Pepper (Apr 11, 2022)

I'm very worried about you Ruthanne.  Could you get a LifeAlert or similar system?  

My son is a phone call or hour away.  He said to call 911 before him if it is real bad, something I am dreading. Hours or even a day or so might pass if I were not able to call anyone.

I'm worried about you Ruthanne.  I wish I could give you better advice.  I just woke up a few minutes ago and still groggy and in sciatic pain.


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## Ruthanne (Apr 11, 2022)

Pepper said:


> I'm very worried about you Ruthanne.  Could you get a LifeAlert or similar system?
> 
> My son is a phone call or hour away.  He said to call 911 before him if it is real bad, something I am dreading. Hours or even a day or so might pass if I were not able to call anyone.
> 
> I'm worried about you Ruthanne.  I wish I could give you better advice.  I just woke up a few minutes ago and still groggy and in sciatic pain.


Thank you Pepper.


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## Em in Ohio (Apr 11, 2022)

Oh Ruthanne - please see if you can get someone to make daily wellness calls to you.  I haven't personally convinced my daughter to do this for me, but I keep trying.  There are, I believe, some free services available that will do this, so check in your area.  I definitely understand the fear that something will go suddenly, terribly wrong and no one will notice for days (or longer.)  As for your health, please discuss this with your physician!  Wishing you the best.  Em


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## JonSR77 (Apr 11, 2022)

I agree with Em that you should discuss the new symptoms with your doctor.


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## JonSR77 (Apr 11, 2022)

very very sorry to hear about your difficulties. 

I can relate.  I have very severe apnea.  My pulmonologist said that my breathing stops once per minute when I sleep (I am not allowed to get CPAP).  He said that I could die of heart attack or stroke any night.  Been living like that for the last 10 years.  Not fun.

My mother went into a nursing home about 3 years ago. Prior to that, my wife and I lived with her for 7 years. I had to check up on her every night, when she went to sleep. She would get into bad positions and breathe poorly. I had to wake her up and re-position her.

We did have a friend who went into a coma when he fell asleep. He did not survive. His medical issue was a blood sugar issue.

*The only thing that makes sense to me, is that, you know, you really need someone to check up on you every single night.

Anything else, seems a dangerous risk.*



take care


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## Ruthanne (Apr 11, 2022)

Em in Ohio said:


> Oh Ruthanne - please see if you can get someone to make daily wellness calls to you.  I haven't personally convinced my daughter to do this for me, but I keep trying.  There are, I believe, some free services available that will do this, so check in your area.  I definitely understand the fear that something will go suddenly, terribly wrong and no one will notice for days (or longer.)  As for your health, please discuss this with your physician!  Wishing you the best.  Em


Thanks Em... It's great to see you again!  I like the idea of getting a personal wellness check daily and will look into that since I also have pets.


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## Ruthanne (Apr 11, 2022)

JonSR77 said:


> very very sorry to hear about your difficulties.
> 
> I can relate.  I have very severe apnea.  My pulmonologist said that my breathing stops once per minute when I sleep (I am not allowed to get CPAP).  He said that I could die of heart attack or stroke any night.  Been living like that for the last 10 years.  Not fun.
> 
> ...


Thank you Jon.  I'm sorry you have the same issue.  It's nerve wrecking.  Take care.


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## JonSR77 (Apr 11, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Thank you Jon.  I'm sorry you have the same issue.  It's nerve wrecking.  Take care.


At this point, 10 years in, I am numb to it.  Once and awhile I get a thought about it, have a nice shiver of fear...and then try to move on.

I am very sorry you are experiencing this. When I was first diagnosed...the first few months were not fun, not at all.

do take care...


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## Ruthanne (Apr 11, 2022)

JonSR77 said:


> At this point, 10 years in, I am numb to it.  Once and awhile I get a thought about it, have a nice shiver of fear...and then try to move on.
> 
> I am very sorry you are experiencing this. When I was first diagnosed...the first few months were not fun, not at all.
> 
> do take care...


I know what you mean.  I didn't take good note of all the symptoms at first and I was doing better then so I tried to not think of what could happen at first.  My symptoms have just started to come up more so with more serious ones so now I'm even afraid to go to sleep.  Hopefully this too will pass.  Thanks.


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## JonSR77 (Apr 11, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> I know what you mean.  I didn't take good note of all the symptoms at first and I was doing better then so I tried to not think of what could happen at first.  My symptoms have just started to come up more so with more serious ones so now I'm even afraid to go to sleep.  Hopefully this too will pass.  Thanks.


I will say this...it really is amazing what we can survive.  After my doctor said that, I really thought I only had a couple of years left.  Still here after 10 years.  Go figure.  It is just kind of crazy how it all works.


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## Ruthanne (Apr 11, 2022)

JonSR77 said:


> I will say this...it really is amazing what we can survive.  After my doctor said that, I really thought I only had a couple of years left.  Still here after 10 years.  Go figure.  It is just kind of crazy how it all works.


I'm glad you're still here!  Hopefully I will prevail, too, through some of this.


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## JonSR77 (Apr 11, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> I'm glad you're still here!  Hopefully I will prevail, too, through some of this.



Listen, it is not like sometimes, I just don't, you know, have tears.  I do.  Sad for me.  Worry for my wife.  Don't want to pass before my mom.  She has dementia.  You know, I think I am going to call my brother...and tell him, that if I do pass, not to mention it to her. With the dementia, she won't remember enough...so at least she can live without knowing that.


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## Ruthanne (Apr 11, 2022)

JonSR77 said:


> Listen, it is not like sometimes, I just don't, you know, have tears.  I do.  Sad for me.  Worry for my wife.  Don't want to pass before my mom.  She has dementia.  You know, I think I am going to call my brother...and tell him, that if I do pass, not to mention it to her. With the dementia, she won't remember enough...so at least she can live without knowing that.


I can certainly understand that.  I worry for my pet family so I know what that's like--keeps me awake many a night.


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## Em in Ohio (Apr 11, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> I can certainly understand that.  I worry for my pet family so I know what that's like--keeps me awake many a night.


Yes, now that I have a dog in addition to my four parakeets, that is a major concern.  One thing that I did was to write out care instructions for my pets.  They are attached to the bird cage and the bulk dry dog food container.  Also, I told my daughter not to blame the dog if it chews on my dead body for lack of the customary two meals a day.  Again - this is why having someone establish contact with you every day is so important.  You have motivated me to really work on getting SOMEONE to give me a daily call!


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## fuzzybuddy (Apr 11, 2022)

First, I'd see another doctor. Dr. Ruthanne's specialty is not Hepatic Encephalopathy.
All these "alert" devices require that you are aware enough to press some button. Well, if you can do that, you can dial 911. I had a device with a" fall" feature. Well, I was on the floor, and the damn thing never went off. Most of the devices have very short battery lives. That's what happened to me, The battery was dead. And why do you need to tell someone in Omaha to call the EMS down the street?
I have a phone in every room, and I keep my cell on me at all times. "Siri" can call for help.
As far as being comatose, unless you have live-in help, you're on your own.


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## fuzzybuddy (Apr 11, 2022)

Em in Ohio said:


> Yes, now that I have a dog in addition to my four parakeets, that is a major concern.  One thing that I did was to write out care instructions for my pets.  They are attached to the bird cage and the bulk dry dog food container.  Also, I told my daughter not to blame the dog if it chews on my dead body for lack of the customary two meals a day.  Again - this is why having someone establish contact with you every day is so important.  You have motivated me to really work on getting SOMEONE to give me a daily call!


You've touched on something I have feared. I don't have a hungry dog, but I worry about passing away, and not being found for a while. I think that will lower the selling price of my home, and decrease the amount of inheritance I leave,


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## Aunt Bea (Apr 11, 2022)

No solutions here, but I have similar concerns.

Maybe it's time to start looking at an independent or assisted living facility where there are people to help in the event of an emergency.

As others have said, talk to your PCP about providing documentation of disability, in-home care options as well as different housing options in your area.


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## RadishRose (Apr 11, 2022)

I asked my son to text me every night. Unless we have something to talk about, it's usually just the letter "X". 

If I don't text back within a few hours, he'll call.  Once, I missed his call d/t my volume accidentally off, so he and my DIL came over. Thankfully, they're close. I felt bad, however.


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## Pepper (Apr 11, 2022)

You have a good son @RadishRose


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## Jules (Apr 11, 2022)

fuzzybuddy said:


> keep my cell on me at all times. "Siri" can call for help.


Good idea.  I don’t use Siri or her equivalent but would definitely turn this on if I were on my own.  



Aunt Bea said:


> Maybe it's time to start looking at an independent or assisted living facility where there are people to help in the event of an emergency.


This seems like the time to start searching.


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## Em in Ohio (Apr 11, 2022)

fuzzybuddy said:


> You've touched on something I have feared. I don't have a hungry dog, but I worry about passing away, and not being found for a while. I think that will lower the selling price of my home, and decrease the amount of inheritance I leave,


I agree with something that I believe you said elsewhere about always carrying your cell phone.  I have been looking for a very basic phone for my ex to carry (flip phone) while he is outdoors or driving... or, on his person in the house too!  He's a no-tech guy, but he is definitely at the stage where he might need medical help immediately.  I have a Lively Jitterbug 2 that has an Alexa app and other options for medical emergencies.  Unfortunately, it's probably too "high tech" for him.  But any phone with a shortcut to call 911 is probably an economical idea for most of us.  I'm glad you mentioned this!


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## feywon (Apr 11, 2022)

JonSR77 said:


> very very sorry to hear about your difficulties.
> 
> I can relate.  I have very severe apnea.  My pulmonologist said that my breathing stops once per minute when I sleep (I am not allowed to get CPAP).  He said that I could die of heart attack or stroke any night.  Been living like that for the last 10 years.  Not fun.
> 
> ...


Why can't you get CPAP? It's a main treatment for sleep apnea.  I was having 18 breath stops an hour before i got on one.


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## feywon (Apr 11, 2022)

@ Ruthanne check with local senior center, some times they programs for folks who live alone where someone checks on you at least once a day.  Often its another senior so they can relate to your concerns.

Or check into assisted living facilities, where you still have privacy and independence but staff is around as back up.


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## MickaC (Apr 11, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> Do you have a plan for someone to help you if something bad happens?  Please let me know, I am interested and my health is getting worse recently.  Do you rely on someone or relative?
> 
> I recently have been sleeping a lot more than usual and am extremely tired much of the time.  Coffee puts me to sleep.  I am wondering if this could be Hepatic Encephalopathy.  It is a symptom of the liver disease I have that I've had for at least 6 years.  It's a progressive disease.
> 
> ...


I really feel for your concerns, Ruthanne.
Many good suggestions from our caring members.
I hope you're able to do something, to ease yourself......i know being alone, is not easy, to say it mildly, maybe the time has come when you're of need of help.....even if it's a wellness check daily, i'm sure that for starters would be very settling.....and of course you have your pet family to care for and consider.....i hope you'll be able to make a decision soon that would be the best to you and your little family.
You are very cared for from everyone here.


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## MickaC (Apr 11, 2022)

JonSR77 said:


> I will say this...it really is amazing what we can survive.  After my doctor said that, I really thought I only had a couple of years left.  Still here after 10 years.  Go figure.  It is just kind of crazy how it all works.


I'm so happy that your doctor was wrong, and you're still able to have life, Jon.
You have definitely been and going through your battles.
Hoping you can maintain having more life to enjoy.
You are very cared for from everyone here as well. 
Keep taking care.


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## JonSR77 (Apr 12, 2022)

MickaC said:


> I'm so happy that your doctor was wrong, and you're still able to have life, Jon.
> You have definitely been and going through your battles.
> Hoping you can maintain having more life to enjoy.
> You are very cared for from everyone here as well.
> Keep taking care.



Thank you very much!!


Best wishes to you and yours.


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## fuzzybuddy (Apr 12, 2022)

In MY opinion, getting one of those alert devices is akin to getting a device that tells you when you turned your lights on. I've had to call EMS several times. With a phone, you are talking directly with EMS, and not being routed through some far away center. Like I said, that's my opinion, and it's what you want to do.


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## JonSR77 (Apr 12, 2022)

fuzzybuddy said:


> In MY opinion, getting one of those alert devices is akin to getting a device that tells you when you turned your lights on. I've had to call EMS several times. With a phone, you are talking directly with EMS, and not being routed through some far away center. Like I said, that's my opinion, and it's what you want to do.


well I had the service.  And there definitely is a reason for it.  And it definitely helps much much much more than a phone.  I mean, it depends on your medical problems.  I am sure that there are a wide range of medical problems that do not necessitate it.


For my problems, it was a very good device. Very expensive. We don't have much money. I had to cancel it because of the expense...but it definitely helped.

Many reasons.

One quick one...if you are interacting with EMS, fire or police...you can get a good person, devoted to the work and job...who will do a good job. You can also get a person with next to no devotion to the work, who is really doing a very poor job. Now that might have to do with New Jersey. Because people here can be real jerks. Maybe in the Mid-West these folks don't act that way. But here? They often do.

So, if you have the service and these people know that, in a sense, their work is being double checked by an outside agency...they have to be on the ball.

One quick anecdote re that. I was in a New Jersey deli, in line to get a sandwich. Two EMS guys came in, in uniform. You could see their truck in the parking lot. They were waiting in line, when a call came in.

This was not the movies. They ignored the call, waited to order and get their sandwiches...and only then responded to dispatch.

I used to do deliveries, worked in area restaurants.  One was a Mafia hang out.  There was a police officer I knew from town.  I caught him in there one day, laughing and joking with the Mob guys.  Can't make this stuff up.  He saw I noticed him there and got embarrassed.  Maybe he thought he was only telling a few jokes..but those Mob guys...they were trying to groom him for some evil deed in the future.  If you get an officer like that, responding to a call?  You can forget about good or even appropriate service.


Like I said, I would not doubt that all these kinds of shenanigans are more common here in New Jersey...but again, that is where I got the device...


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## JonSR77 (Apr 12, 2022)

--- it's what we call..."Welcome to New Jersey" 

Other places the same or worse.  Brooklyn, parts of Chicago, other cities and areas..


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## Kika (Apr 12, 2022)

Ruthanne, do you see your doctor regularly?  If so, be sure to explain your symptoms and your situation of being alone, with pets, and no support nearby.  I'm sure someone in the doctor's office might be aware of resources available to you for your safety.  You will never know unless you ask.
If you feel you have Hepatic Encephalopathy, your doctor can confirm it, and assess your short or long term risks.

I was so surprised several years ago when a friend's neighbor suddenly became very ill and needed to be hospitalized.  An organization arrived, with the police, to take care of the 2 large dogs.  They emerged from the apartment with the dogs, dog food, toys and beds.   It was arranged by the social service department of the hospital he was in.  After a little over a month, he was back home with his dogs.  The dogs were fostered in private homes.  I'm sure other states have the same, but no one knows about it until the need arises.


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## JonSR77 (Apr 12, 2022)

Kika said:


> Ruthanne, do you see your doctor regularly?  If so, be sure to explain your symptoms and your situation of being alone, with pets, and no support nearby.  I'm sure someone in the doctor's office might be aware of resources available to you for your safety.  You will never know unless you ask.
> If you feel you have Hepatic Encephalopathy, your doctor can confirm it, and assess your short or long term risks.
> 
> I was so surprised several years ago when a friend's neighbor suddenly became very ill and needed to be hospitalized.  An organization arrived, with the police, to take care of the 2 large dogs.  They emerged from the apartment with the dogs, dog food, toys and beds.   It was arranged by the social service department of the hospital he was in.  After a little over a month, he was back home with his dogs.  The dogs were fostered in private homes.  I'm sure other states have the same, but no one knows about it until the need arises.



I completely agree with Kika. Best to err on the side of caution, have the doctor review things.


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## terry123 (Apr 12, 2022)

My daughter calls me each morning on her way to work.  She even calls on weekends to be sure I am okay.  If she gets no answer she waits a few minutes and calls again.  The maintenance man at the complex brings me a breakfast sandwich each morning when he gets his.  A few times I have overslept and he calls my daughter t be sure I am okay.


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## JonSR77 (Apr 12, 2022)

terry123 said:


> My daughter calls me each morning on her way to work.  She even calls on weekends to be sure I am okay.  If she gets no answer she waits a few minutes and calls again.  The maintenance man at the complex brings me a breakfast sandwich each morning when he gets his.  A few times I have overslept and he calls my daughter t be sure I am okay.


wonderful! you certainly raised your daughter right!  My wife calls her mom every day.  It's nice to see the connection they have.


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## Tabby Ann (Aug 19, 2022)

Ruthanne said:


> I recently have been sleeping a lot more than usual and am extremely tired much of the time. Coffee puts me to sleep. I am wondering if this could be Hepatic Encephalopathy.


I too sleep a lot more than I used too and am extremely tired much of the time and coffee makes me sleepy. In addition I have 3 heart conditions and a damaged hip. Since I am over 80 years old I attribute all this to old age. I have accepted that we are all going to die and I feel dying at home in my sleep is preferable to long drawn out and painful medical procedures that would add a few more months to my life.  Nevertheless I keep my cell phone on my body during the day and right by my bed at night and will decide when and if I want to call 911.  I'm not sure what others could do in an emergency that 911 couldn't.


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## Mr. Ed (Aug 20, 2022)




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## Sunny (Aug 23, 2022)

I have one of those life alert gizmos that I wear as a necklace when I am alone in the house. Fortunately haven't had to use it as yet, but you never know. Mainly I feel need it in the shower, where I put it in a waterproof bag.

In addition, I figured, why not use the technology we use all the time anyway? So every morning, my phone is set to ring a little alarm to remind me to contact two of my children. We text all the time anyway, so it's no biggie. I just send them a message, usually saying Hi, so they know everything is OK.  If they don't hear from me at the usual time, they send me a text asking if everything is OK.   Our plan is that if I don't answer that, they try a phone call, and if they still get no answer, my son has the phone number of my next door neighbor to call and ask her to check on me. (She has a key.)  And if that still doesn't work, he'll come over. He lives about 20 minutes away.

I have much more peace of mind with these two systems in place


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