# How long do you think you would have to know someone to marry them?



## fuzzybuddy (Aug 22, 2021)

. This stems from another thread. A guy met a woman, and two days later, she was proposing marriage. Yeah, I know someone is going to say as soon as I saw her/him, they were the one true lover. That's never happened to me. Yeah, after two days sharing a bed, O.K. But after 2 days, sharing my wallet and my life, I dunno.
How long do you reasonably think you should know someone before marrying them?


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## Wren (Aug 22, 2021)

I think you should live with them  for at least a year, and would never marry someone I hadn’t lived with.......some people’s personal habits eeeeeeewwwwwww !


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## Sassycakes (Aug 22, 2021)

I fell in love with my husband the first minute I saw him, but since I was only 15yrs old at the time we dated until we got married when I turned 20yrs old.And we passed our 50yr mark.


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## Ceege (Aug 22, 2021)

Wren said:


> I think you should live with them  for at least a year, and would never marry someone I hadn’t lived with.......some people’s personal habits eeeeeeewwwwwww !


I agree.  You need to see what they are like when they get angry, also.


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## timoc (Aug 22, 2021)

How long do you think you would have to know someone to marry them?​
99 years, 4 months 14 hours and 2 and a half minutes................if I was in a hurry.


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## debodun (Aug 22, 2021)

Infinity...and beyond.


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## Della (Aug 22, 2021)

Even a year can be too short a time.  You need to be able to recognize "red flags" and not make excuses for them.   Women in particular are often too eager to please during the courtship phase and many of us harbor a false belief that little faults will all become better after marriage when they usually just get worse.


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## Nathan (Aug 22, 2021)

fuzzybuddy said:


> How long do you think you would have to know someone to marry them?


After my 3rd divorce I came to the conclusion that jumping into a "living together" situation just wasn't advisable.    My present wife and I dated for 3 years, maintained our separate homes until we married.    Sure, we _stayed over_ at each others house a lot, but maintaining independence I think was important, until we agreed to tie the knot.


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## OneEyedDiva (Aug 22, 2021)

1,000 years.  I have no intention of *ever* getting married again! Of course that's what I said before I married my second husband. 

I do believe in love at first sight. I also believe that marriage can change people. I've been heavy into The Love Boat recently and even though it's fiction, I marvel at how the passengers hook up and by the time the cruise is over, they're getting married. How do they know what a person is really about when they've lived miles away or even in another country and are from different backgrounds? What if they are abusive or have bad habits not revealed during the cruise. I love the happy endings but in real life, hasty marriages are a bad idea.


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## Pepper (Aug 22, 2021)

3 divorces?  4 marriages?


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## Gary O' (Aug 22, 2021)

fuzzybuddy said:


> How long do you reasonably think you should know someone before marrying them?


Living with someone for several months seemed to do it for me
That was over 52 years ago

I'll letcha know how things work out


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## drifter (Aug 22, 2021)

It would take a while.


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## squatting dog (Aug 22, 2021)

3 weeks worked for me.     49 years so far.


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## feywon (Aug 22, 2021)

It's not really how long, it's how well.   
I'm in the at least semi-cohabit (spend nights or weekends at each other's places) camp. I don't plan on cohabiting or marrying again, but before i did i'd have list of things we'd have to talk about and there might be some 'understandings' i'd want in writing. 
Before even dating much i'd bring up certain things because i have a clear idea of what my 'deal-breakers' are, i think everyone should, especially if they are actively 'looking' for a life partner.


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## Warrigal (Aug 22, 2021)

Advice I was given as a young woman was to observe how a man treated his mother because that is how he will treat you. Slightly flawed advice to be sure but as a generalisation it's not too bad.

At my age I don't think this advice is any longer a possibility.


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## Aunt Bea (Aug 22, 2021)

IMO the more you have to lose the longer you should wait.


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## Alligatorob (Aug 22, 2021)

Interesting question, not sure I have a good answer.  My instinct is the longer the better, but I have know 2 couples who were in prearranged marriages, one from India, one from Sri Lanka.  Both those seemed to work out fine.


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## Don M. (Aug 22, 2021)

We probably dated for about 7 or 8 months.  Things seemed to be going well, so we got married....that was about 57 years ago.


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## Murrmurr (Aug 22, 2021)

feywon said:


> It's not really how long, it's how well.


Exactly what I was going to say.

Michelle and I married around 7 months after we met, when I didn't think I could know her any better. (and vice-versa, I was sure)
And I was right. No surprises so far.


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## Knight (Aug 22, 2021)

It's as individual as a snow flake.  We met Dec. 1961 Married in March 1962.


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## Aunt Bea (Aug 22, 2021)

At this point in my life I wouldn’t get married.

I might go halves on a couple of rings and exchange some personal vows.  Then just let people make their own assumptions about my situation.


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## Gaer (Aug 22, 2021)

Well, The initial attraction begins at first sight.  That is important!
Ceege is right.  What makes them angry?  How do they behave when they get angry? 
Intimacy:  Is there an INCREDIBLE DESIRE to make love to him all the time?  Is he tender?  Is he gentle?
Does he just want to have sex or does he want to make love TO YOU?  Are you SPECIAL to him?
Analyze the dynamic. Are you always apologizing to him?  Are you afraid of displeasing him?
Does he have a beautiful soul?  Is he spiritually evolved?  Is he intelligent?  Is he wise?

I once fell in deeply in love with the first kiss.
I once fell deeply in love when he quoted Jung in his first sentence to me.  and the more I listened to him, the more intriguing he became.
haha!   What was the question?


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## Llynn (Aug 22, 2021)

75 years might be about right. Then again, you don't want to rush into these things.


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## Nathan (Aug 22, 2021)

Pepper said:


> 3 divorces?  4 marriages?


I looked for statistical tables, didn't spend a lot of effort- wasn't finding anything concise but here's some information:



> Researchers estimate that 41 percent of all first marriages end in divorce.
> 
> 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce.
> 
> 73 percent of all third marriages end in divorce.



Marriage stats are like sex stats, people either deny or lie about it.    I'm on my 4th marriage, finally got it right.     

When I was doing genealogy research I was surprised at how many 2nd, 3rd and even 4th marriages took place in the 19th century.   I'm sure many were widowed by diseases that would be easily cured today.   I can't help but wonder how many were victims of spousal homicide.


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## horseless carriage (Aug 22, 2021)

Sassycakes said:


> I fell in love with my husband the first minute I saw him, but since I was only 15yrs old at the time we dated until we got married when I turned 20yrs old.And we passed our 50yr mark.


When my dance partner told me that she wanted to pull out of all the training, dancing, choreographing and the long hours of practice. I was mortified. However, my dance instructor told me that he knew of a young lady in a similar predicament. He introduced us, she was seventeen and I was twenty-one. One year later we were Mr. & Mrs.

It came about when I suggested that we could save a lot of money if we shared a hotel room when travelling to compete in dance competitions. Her Dad was having none of it: "If you want to sleep with my daughter, you will marry her," he told me, in no uncertain terms. To his, and just about everyone else's surprise, that's exactly what we did.

Well at such a young age, she could only be pregnant, otherwise why contemplate marriage? Nine months went by, nothing happened, maybe it's a long gestation period. Seven years went by and the baby still hadn't popped out. We went from teenage, shotgun wedding to, "don't leave it too late," to start your family.

We are a family, my wife and I are a family of two. What her parents didn't know, nor did any of our relatives, we felt sure that children were not on our agenda. So instead of a honeymoon, I spent the time recovering from the swollen plums caused by a vasectomy.
So, here we are, fifty three years married, and after only knowing one another for less than a year. Funny old world isn't it?


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## Ruth n Jersey (Aug 22, 2021)

We dated for two years, he was the first one I really felt comfortable with from the start. He met my family and I met his. Everyone blended well. Our views and goals were the same.
It felt right and it was right. We have been together for 49 years,
We get under each others skin now and then but the base of our marriage as never been questioned and has remained as strong as the day we said, I do.


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## Lara (Aug 22, 2021)

I'm just glad I don't have to think about that. Been there done it x2 (but only one was divorce)


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## Lara (Aug 22, 2021)

Wren said:


> I think you should live with them  for at least a year,
> and would never marry someone I hadn’t lived with...
> some people’s personal habits eeeeeeewwwwwww !


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## Nosy Bee-54 (Aug 22, 2021)

Well, according to Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter, you have to choose the right person. From what I could find on the Net, they dated for no more than a year.

“It’s hard to live until you’re 95 years old,” Carter told People magazine in 2019. But having a supportive spouse certainly helps, he said.

https://www.cnbc.com/2021/07/07/jim...carter-married-for-75-years-success-tips.html


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## Shero (Aug 22, 2021)

Now that's a difficult question since the answer will be different for everyone. My husband and I met at a sailing regatta in Kauai 45 years ago. We chatted non-stop for a week and were married six months later! It's been and continues to be a great adventure!


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## Jules (Aug 22, 2021)

horseless carriage said:


> I spent the time recovering from the swollen plums caused by a hysterectomy.


Hysterectomy is removal is of the uterus.  Good for both of you for knowing yourselves and dealing with it.


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## Ceege (Aug 23, 2021)

At least as long as the first date. 
https://travelerdoor.com/2020/10/11...8077442183168&l=m&twclid=11429782032368951296


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## Alligatorob (Aug 23, 2021)

Ceege said:


> At least as long as the first date


Not for everyone!
https://people.com/human-interest/couple-met-dating-app-bumble-get-married-first-date/


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## timoc (Aug 23, 2021)

timoc said:


> How long do you think you would have to know someone to marry them?​
> 99 years, 4 months 14 hours and 2 and a half minutes................if I was in a hurry.



Actually, I'm not that impulsive, and the good thing about getting older, is that I've learned to take things more slowly.


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## fuzzybuddy (Aug 23, 2021)

Nosy Bee-54 said:


> Well, according to Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter, you have to choose the right person. From what I could find on the Net, they dated for no more than a year.
> 
> “It’s hard to live until you’re 95 years old,” Carter told People magazine in 2019. But having a supportive spouse certainly helps, he said.
> 
> https://www.cnbc.com/2021/07/07/jim...carter-married-for-75-years-success-tips.html


After he existed the Presidency, I was in Plaines, Ga. I asked about him at the local store. They said "Jimmy" was in just a few minutes before, he was riding his bike. The store people said to go to Jimmy's home and say 'Hi", he loved to meet people. My girlfriend and I found his house. It was a nice, but rather normal looking ranch. Not accustomed to meeting Presidents, I didn't have the guts to ring the bell. Gee, I wish I did. I don't know of any ex President, who accomplished more than he did after he left office.


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