# What do you talk about with friends  and family?



## Athos (Nov 1, 2014)

It seems that everyone I know likes chit chat. My sister is very secretive and will rarely say anything
personal for the last 20 years. I don't have a normal conversation, like what are you doing?
(Because she watches television too much.) So it is mere chit chat which can
get boring, like analyzing recipes. One friend loves chit chat, like old movies and songs. Never complains
about anything. Another only talks about work.  Is this a guy thing?

How about you?


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## hollydolly (Nov 1, 2014)

I'm not really sure I understand your question Athos? I'm probably just being a bit dim..


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## SeaBreeze (Nov 1, 2014)

I talk about anything that comes up naturally, could be light chitchat, or discussions about stories in the news, politics, or issues with family health, etc.  My husband talks to his friends about football, world affairs, and other things.  I don't like when people only talk about work, I don't think it's healthy for the speaker or the listener, whether positive or negative.


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## Falcon (Nov 1, 2014)

I do some talking and a lot of listening. Although, if there's a motormouth in the group who is monopolizing the conversation, and there usually is, I leave and go elsewhere.


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## hollydolly (Nov 2, 2014)

I chat about anything...I'm a 'talker' and I talk about anything within the family that's relevant to us. I have to admit I am guilty of talking too much about work, I do have to try and keep it more on the back burner.


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## Twixie (Nov 2, 2014)

Falcon said:


> I do some talking and a lot of listening. Although, if there's a motormouth in the group who is monopolizing the conversation, and there usually is, I leave and go elsewhere.



Everyone loves a listener Falcon...especially the motormouths...Me.me.me!!!


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## Lee (Nov 2, 2014)

I just got back from coffee with a friend. Here's how our topic of conversation went.

Asked her why she would get a pair of hermit crabs for pets.....it's not like they do anything during the day. She poked them to make them wake up....didn't work.

Then we talked about when her husband would get called back to work. He came in at that point so we shut up on that topic....nuff said.

We talked about the weather because I have a paint spray project that needs to be done outside and hoping for a warm up.

We talked about who owned the Cadillac down the street....came to the conclusion that our neighbor got a new boyfriend.

We talked about the new neighbor who moved in yesterday and whether her furniture was shabby chic or antique

Talked about the sale at the No Frills store.

So a little chit chat, a little neighborly gossip and that's what we talked about.


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## NancyNGA (Nov 2, 2014)

I never was any good at chit chat. Is that the same as "small talk?"  I actually envy people that are good at it. 
When you can't do it, people think you are unfriendly. Maybe I think too slow?

What I don't care for is when someone starts talking to you about other people they know, but you don't, 
and they call them by name. "Bill did this... and Mary did that....  Some of my relatives are bad about that.


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## Debby (Nov 5, 2014)

NancyNGA said:


> I never was any good at chit chat. Is that the same as "small talk?"  I actually envy people that are good at it.
> When you can't do it, people think you are unfriendly. Maybe I think too slow?
> 
> What I don't care for is when someone starts talking to you about other people they know, but you don't,
> and they call them by name. "Bill did this... and Mary did that....  Some of my relatives are bad about that.




I think I'm part of your club Nancy and my mother does exactly like you described.  Talking about people I don't know.  So utterly boring but I just smile and nod and 'uh-huh' and 'oh really' in all the right places and she just yammers on oblivious.


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## Capt Lightning (Nov 5, 2014)

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--"

from _Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There_, 1872)  By Lewis Carroll


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## Athos (Nov 7, 2014)

I am really asking why most friends, it seems, would much prefer chit chat
or small talk about anything to more personal conversation about things that
really matter to them? Nothing is wrong with chit-chat, but I wonder about friends
and family members who refuse or avoid any personal conversation about their
lives. Even when they have nothing to hide.
 They answer in one word or two or say "I don't want to talk about it" or
change the subject. This is their way of keeping the person at a distance! Often
the relationship-- if you can call it that--, remains superficial. Casual. I have aquaintances
that are more open than that.
I am reminded of a Simpson's episode when Lisa is moving away from Springfield and she tells her
friends "if we had gotten to know each other better, my leaving might actually mean something to you".

Is this true for both genders or is this a cultural issue?


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## Debby (Nov 15, 2014)

Athos said:


> I am really asking why most friends, it seems, would much prefer chit chat
> or small talk about anything to more personal conversation about things that
> really matter to them? Nothing is wrong with chit-chat, but I wonder about friends
> and family members who refuse or avoid any personal conversation about their
> ...




I'm like the underlined part (see above) with my mother because every time anyone is honest about the things going on in their lives, or plans or problems, she's hot to trot with all kinds of advice on what you should do, how to do it, the mistakes you are making (because it's happening)....she's never come out and called me stupid to my face, but she also has never said 'you're right on that' or 'I agree' or 'what would you like to do about your problem'.  And then she harps on those things endlessly every time we speak.  

Maybe those of us who avoid being real and personal is because we don't want to deal with all of that.  In my case I learned as a child that it made life pleasanter to just never let her in (superficiality saves!) and I guess it's spread to every other relationship.  

The only reason that I can yak on this forum like I do is because I don't have to be talking to 'real' people in person!  (yep, gotta say, this is my sort of ideal relationships folks!  That and the two minute, 'hi how are you' at the grocery store.  Sitting face to face and having to hold up my end of a conversation for 1/2 an hour means the rest of the day I'm walking around with a knot in my belly and an overwhelming sense that something dreadful is going to happen because I made a fool of myself with my (what feels to me like) ultra-lame conversation.

Both my daughters are like this and the one son-in-law also.  So that's three for the female superficials and one for the men.


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## hollydolly (Nov 16, 2014)

Debby said:


> I'm like the underlined part (see above) with my mother because every time anyone is honest about the things going on in their lives, or plans or problems, she's hot to trot with all kinds of advice on what you should do, how to do it, the mistakes you are making (because it's happening)....she's never come out and called me stupid to my face, but she also has never said 'you're right on that' or 'I agree' or 'what would you like to do about your problem'.  And then she harps on those things endlessly every time we speak.
> 
> Maybe those of us who avoid being real and personal is because we don't want to deal with all of that.  In my case I learned as a child that it made life pleasanter to just never let her in (superficiality saves!) and I guess it's spread to every other relationship.
> 
> The only reason that I can yak on this forum like I do is because I don't have to be talking to 'real' people in person!  (yep, gotta say, this is my sort of ideal relationships folks!  That and the two minute, 'hi how are you' at the grocery store. * Sitting face to face and having to hold up my end of a conversation for 1/2 an hour means the rest of the day I'm walking around with a know in my belly and an overwhelming sense that something dreadful is going to happen because I made a fool of myself with my (what feels to me like) ultra-lame conversation.*



OMG!!!!! I thought I was the only one who felt like that !! I can't believe someone else gets that knot in their stomach after any length of face to face conversation..in case someone is thinking you're an idiot  .. or in my case if I've said something I shouldn't have said in my nervous verbal diarrhoea  attempt to try and keep my end of the conversation going


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## Amethyst1 (Nov 16, 2014)

And sometimes even chit chat still leads to critical judgments from parents! The attitude is that I'm your mother or father, so I can say what
I like, forever.. But what if this parent is the only one who is interested in your problem or life choices? Then what? You are stuck on
this verbal merry go round that never stops. Yeah, you can complain on forums, but these responders do not know you anyway.


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## oakapple (Nov 16, 2014)

SeaBreeze said:


> I talk about anything that comes up naturally, could be light chitchat, or discussions about stories in the news, politics, or issues with family health, etc. My husband talks to his friends about sports, world affairs, and other things. I don't like when people only talk about work, I don't think it's healthy for the speaker or the listener, whether positive or negative.


 Same here, we discuss all sorts, the trivial and the profound[all right, profound-lite.]Other friends I have are all very different, some chatter away, others are more serious, some are a bit on the boring side.Being a woman, I like to chat, but not all women do it seems and the same with men. We are all made different.


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## oakapple (Nov 16, 2014)

Sometimes, 'discretion is the better part of valour'.


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## Debby (Nov 16, 2014)

hollydolly said:


> OMG!!!!! I thought I was the only one who felt like that !! I can't believe someone else gets that knot in their stomach after any length of face to face conversation..in case someone is thinking you're an idiot  .. or in my case if I've said something I shouldn't have said in my nervous verbal diarrhoea  attempt to try and keep my end of the conversation going




You must be a member of the same club!  Hello there!  Nice to meet you!  

Oh my goodness I can relate to everything you said about trying to keep up your end of the conversation and feeling like you overdid it one more time!  Do you also walk around replaying the conversation endlessly and telling yourself, 'I should have said this or that....' and wishing you could have a do-over?




Amethyst1 said:


> And sometimes even chit chat still leads to critical judgments from parents! The attitude is that I'm your mother or father, so I can say what
> I like, forever.. But what if this parent is the only one who is interested in your problem or life choices? Then what? You are stuck on
> this verbal merry go round that never stops. Yeah, you can complain on forums, but these responders do not know you anyway.



You must be a sister/brother from another mother!  What you said just gave me a 'deja vue' moment.


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## Twixie (Nov 17, 2014)

I had a ''friend'' who would tell me the most embarrassing things about her relationships and sex life... If I tried to change the subject to aardvarks...then she would know something about _their_ sex lives!!


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## hollydolly (Nov 17, 2014)

Debby said:


> You must be a member of the same club!  Hello there!  Nice to meet you!
> 
> Oh my goodness I can relate to everything you said about trying to keep up your end of the conversation and feeling like you overdid it one more time!  *Do you also walk around replaying the conversation endlessly and telling yourself, 'I should have said this or that....' and wishing you could have a do-over?*




That's me in a nutshell...jeez I'm totally relieved I'm not the only one...seriously!!


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## drifter (Nov 17, 2014)

Apparently we are all a diversified group. I am not good at small talk and don't talk about my life because my life is so mundane. With family and friends I discuss sports, golf and football, politics with my son once in a while when he has time to come around. current events with whoever. For the past three years or so now I spoke with very few people. I moved  here from another state and don't know anyone and mostly because of my physical condition, I still don't. I am limited in what I can do physically, like walking and getting around. I don't drive at night. I read  some and write a bit. Most of my activity is on forums like this one.


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## Twixie (Nov 18, 2014)

drifter said:


> Apparently we are all a diversified group. I am not good at small talk and don't talk about my life because my life is so mundane. With family and friends I discuss sports, golf and football, politics with my son once in a while when he has time to come around. current events with whoever. For the past three years or so now I spoke with very few people. I moved  here from another state and don't know anyone and mostly because of my physical condition, I still don't. I am limited in what I can do physically, like walking and getting around. I don't drive at night. I read  some and write a bit. Most of my activity is on forums like this one.



I'm sorry to hear that drifter..

I think as you get older..small talk becomes boring and mundane anyway...

It's nice to have someone to talk to sometimes...but I have found it is also nice to have silence...


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## drifter (Nov 18, 2014)

I agree, Trixie.


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## crochet lady (Nov 30, 2014)

Debby and HollyDolly, you have made my day!! Me too! Seems I did not have this problem when I was much younger; but I really do dread going anywhere beyond the superficial greetings with people now. I also have found that people (women especially) seem to  pick--they aren't really interested in a genuine conversation about anything of substance, they just want to pick you to pieces. Once their mission is accomplished, they go their way; never speak again. Anybody else experienced this? I think that's why I love my hobbies and reading. These are better companions.


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## Vala (Dec 7, 2014)

I am probably the #1 talker here and sometimes interrupt because I will forget what I want to say.   I am trying to talk less and listen more and have improved a bit.  I am often uncomfortable when a visitor leaves because of something I have said so it is easier to be alone.    As far as my family goes, I don't dare mention a health issue with one sister because she has a cure and goes on and on about  why she is so healthy or she is trying to save my soul.   Another sister is very uptight and any thing I mention she responds with a negative comment.    My Mom was the only one I enjoyed talking to, we would reminisce.   She was my sounding board and often gave me very good advise about handling problems.  As it stands now I had rather be alone, I wish it was otherwise, but it is not.  I have adjusted, the planning is done and my goal in life is to spend my savings.   Gotta go shopping now.  nthego:


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