# 86 Year Old Grandmother Starved Herself to Death, She Had No Alternative for Suicide



## SeaBreeze (Oct 19, 2014)

An 86 year old grandmother in the UK ended up starving herself for five weeks, because she had no other alternative to commit suicide...http://www.buzzfeed.com/mbvd/right-to-die-grandmother-starved-herself-to-death-after-uks#2ie4415  It's unfortunate that these people don't have access to legal assisted suicide, we should all have it available where we live...maybe someday.



> Jean Davies, an 86-year-old grandmother in the UK, starved herself to death because she said she had “no alternative.” Davies died in her home on Oct. 1, five weeks after she stopped eating.
> 
> She did not have a terminal illness, but suffered from chronic pain and other medical issues. Her four children and two grandchildren supported her decision to die.
> 
> ...


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## Warrigal (Oct 20, 2014)

> She explained that she did not have a terminal illness but suffered from a range of medical conditions including chronic back pain and had suffered increasingly frequent fainting episodes.



IMO, she had an agenda. 


> Davies publishing a book, Choice in Dying, in 1997 and spent much of her life campaigning for a change in the law to let doctors administer lethal medication to patients who wanted to die.


 and was campaigning with her own life.


> On 7 November the House of Lords will debate an assisted dying bill proposed by Lord Falconer, which would allow terminally ill, mentally competent adults to receive life-ending medication from a doctor. Wootton, of Dignity in Dying, said: “Lord Falconer’s bill is an opportunity for parliament to carefully consider how best to change our outdated law, which provides neither choice at the end of life, nor adequate safeguards for the vulnerable.”
> 
> Dr Peter Saunders, campaign director of Care Not Killing, said: “It is not illegal to starve and dehydrate oneself to death but neither is it right. My fear is that this unusual case will be seized upon by the pro-euthanasia lobby to further their agenda of legalising assisted suicide and euthanasia. However we might sympathise with this woman’s condition, by deliberately choosing to go public with it she is adopting a campaigning stance, if you like, a subtle form of emotional blackmail aimed at softening opposition to a change in the law.”



She has my respect for her courage but not a lot of sympathy for her stance.


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 20, 2014)

One of my BILs mother did the same thing in her 8Os.  I remember her very well and when she went from assisted living to a nursing home she stopped eating.  My BIL wanted her to be forced fed but the staff refused to do it.  I am working on what way to self-deliver when my time comes if I have the courage...


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## Warrigal (Oct 20, 2014)

My mother did this aged 91. She had dementia and after a fall that broke her leg, she refused to walk again, although could have done so.
She had trouble with language due to earlier strokes but was otherwise in good health.

One day I got a call from the nursing home asking me to come over because "something was going on".

Mum was refusing to eat or drink but was neither depressed nor angry. On the contrary she was quite exultant and was singing triumphantly like an opera singer, waving her hands around. She looked me squarely in the eye and with a downward gesture with both hands said "No more" several times.

Somehow I knew what she was saying and I instructed the staff to tempt her with food and drinks but not to force feed her in any way, because she would have fought them tooth and claw. All she would accept from that day on was a few sips of water with honey and lemon to keep her mouth moist. I tried to slip in some soup but she was a wake up and once again told me "No more". 

Palliative care was organised and she passed away peacefully on the seventh day. It was neither painful for her nor overly distressing for the family.

I have no idea what was in her mind. Neither she nor any of her sisters had ever talked about dying. It was not something any of them wanted to face. They certainly never talked about euthanasia. In the end she was in control, unafraid and surrounded by loved ones who came from far and near to say goodbye in that week of her last fast.

I don't want to recommend this to anyone else. I'm not a campaigner on this issue but I do want people to know that death is not always horrific. More often than not it is a sweet release from life. A friend that comes when the time is right.


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 20, 2014)

This should be a choice and not done furtively as is the case for many.  I think that it is coming universally, like gay rights and other social balancing has, but, unfortunately, probably not in my lifetime...


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## Warrigal (Oct 20, 2014)

There was nothing furtive in the case of my mother. I was asked to express our wishes in writing, presumably to protect the nursing home and to provide clarity. Everyone in the family was in agreement but I was the one who signed the paper.

Her visiting doctor was consulted and a specialist palliative care team called in by my daughter, who is a nurse. 
Everything was above board and all perfectly legal. And humane.

Perhaps I should add that this all took place in a nursing home. Hospital is probably one of the worst places you can choose to die in. Hospitals by their very nature are about defeating death, not about allowing it to occur naturally.


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 20, 2014)

Your mother was lucky to be able to be in control.  I have two older sisters with dementia who would never want to live like they are living now if they had a choice before it struck them down.  They are essentially living, smiling zombies, as they are maintained on "happy" pills...


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## Warrigal (Oct 20, 2014)

Nursing homes are not allowed to use chemical restraints these days. 
Or physical restraint either. Certainly not for senile dementia.

The key is adequate funding for staffing.


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 20, 2014)

These aren't chemical restraints necessarily, but to keep them "up."  And as sad as it is, this a good thing...


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## JustQuinn (Oct 20, 2014)

Nursing homes do  use  retsraint DW.  Any nursing home that has a  security code on the door to  keep  people in  is  restraint.     Nursing homes have a  duty of  care to  keep  people  safe.


DW  it is  possible that your mothers  organs  were  in  failure   and this may have  triggered  her  refusal of  food...as  appetite  stops  when this  happens.    You say your mother had  dementia?  Do you  still think  she  was  capable  of  making  this  choice  as a  conscious  choice?


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 20, 2014)

Once you get to the home no matter how you check out is a blessing, not to mention the cost of keeping you lingering like some hothouse vegetable...


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## Justme (Oct 20, 2014)

I think everyone should have the right to die, with assistance if necessary, if their quality of life is so poor due to illness.  Obviously a psychological assessment should be done first.


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## JustQuinn (Oct 20, 2014)

so many children  world wide  do  not  get a  decent  chance to  grow  up....and  we  spend  billions  keeping  the  very   very  elderly  alive   , often against their  wishes.


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 20, 2014)

And although I am only a hedonist I say amen...


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## JustQuinn (Oct 20, 2014)

the injustice is  overwhelming  , isnt it?


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 20, 2014)

Yes, some nations just haven't been able to cope with dying efficiently, unless it is the killing of other povulation so...


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## Warrigal (Oct 20, 2014)

JustQuinn said:


> Nursing homes do  use  retsraint DW.  Any nursing home that has a  security code on the door to  keep  people in  is  restraint.     Nursing homes have a  duty of  care to  keep  people  safe.



The particular wing where she was living did not have locked doors at that time. Mum couldn't escape anyway because of her lack of mobility caused by the earlier fracture. Before that, she lived in a hostel for people with dementia and the main external door was locked with a key but  there were doors out into the gardens that residents could use at any time. It was safe, but not prison like.



> DW  it is  possible that your mothers  organs  were  in  failure   and this may have  triggered  her  refusal of  food...as  appetite  stops  when this  happens.    You say your mother had  dementia?  Do you  still think  she  was  capable  of  making  this  choice  as a  conscious  choice?



I don't think that her organs were in failure when she began to refuse nourishment. She was in fairly robust health apart from the dementia and lack of mobility. I've often wondered why this happened and I have no answer. Mum had often expressed a belief in an after-life but was not religious in any way. She seemed to believe that relatives remained close for some time after death. She said she felt my Dad's presence until she was financially secure when his superannuation was transferred to her.

I dismissed this as wishful thinking but she is not the only person to tell me similar stories. In the back of my mind I can imagine that she had some sort of vision of someone come to escort her to another place. It would explain the rapturous mood during the singing. This was something else that she believed happens at life's end.

She didn't make a conscious, rational choice to die but she was very determined not to receive food. That left me just two choices. Allow nature to take it's inexorable course to her death, or to allow her to be fed via a peg leading directly into her stomach. Knowing my mother, I refused this option because, as I said earlier, she would have reacted violently to this option. 

There had been times before this when she had been a fussy eater and I solved this problem by giving her sherry shandies to stimulate her appetite. This was something very different and talking to people involved with caring for the aged it seems that it is not all that uncommon.

In my mind, her time had come, she was willing, or at least, not unwilling to go, and I wanted her departure to be free of stress, conflict and pain. Which it was.


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 20, 2014)

I hope my departure comes after I finish the last drop of my daily


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 20, 2014)

I want my departure to come after taking my daily medicine, a good martini...


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## JustQuinn (Oct 20, 2014)

DW   I  was  not  specifically  talking  about  your mother  regarding  "restraint"   but  responding to your comment
"Nursing homes are not allowed to use chemical restraints these days. 
Or physical restraint either. Certainly not for senile dementia."

The  nursing  home where  my  90  year old mother  resides  does  have  a  security  code  on the  entrance


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## Lady (Oct 20, 2014)

I do not understand why she starved herself ,it would have been quicker to OD,or electrocute,or Drown.
she would not have put herself through so much pain ,she would still be making a point.


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 20, 2014)

My mother had to be strapped into wheelchair when she was at death's door...


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## Warrigal (Oct 20, 2014)

Yes, JustQuinn. I did understand your point.
However, in the bad old days old people were tied into their chairs or tranquilised to a zombie like state. Fortunately, in this country these practices as no longer the norm. Aged care has come a long way forward.

My mum could be a bit difficult at times (stroppy is the term we would use). I used to organise her wardrobe so that a complete colour-matched outfit was hung on every hanger. I was doing this one day when one of her carers came in. He was a bachelor gay and we started a conversation about how the old ladies should be dressed. He agreed with me that they should be nicely presented rather than looking as if they had been dressed hastily in whatever comes to hand first. I apologised if Mum sometimes gave him a hard time but he just smiled and said "I like the feisty ones".

The secret to good aged care lies in getting the right people. People who really love their work.

Mum's younger sister, now 94, lives in a home where the carers are just brilliant. They are warm and loving, and Auntie, another feisty one, is very happy. I love visiting her there, even though it is a five hour drive from Sydney. When my time comes to need nursing care, I am confident that my relatives will choose a good home for me and will watch over my welfare. I will not seek to kill myself, directly or by proxy, to avoid this ending. It holds no terror for me.


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## Warrigal (Oct 20, 2014)

Ralphy1 said:


> My mother had to be strapped into wheelchair when she was at death's door...



There are such things as tub/tilt chairs that are safer and more comfortable than wheel chairs for people in that condition.







We bought one for another auntie when she was getting weaker. I'm sure a seat belt type restraint could be utilised for safety but being tied in by the wrists would not be acceptable.


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 20, 2014)

This seems very pollyanerish to me when I see what my sister's ending is.  This is not for me...


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## Warrigal (Oct 20, 2014)

You're looking from the outside. 
The view from the inside is nowhere near as distressing if the care is appropriate.


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 20, 2014)

No thanks, and everyone I know that have visited these places say no thanks, and my sisters are in places that would put many upscale hotels to shame...


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## Warrigal (Oct 20, 2014)

And you wanted to experience giving birth.
Death is but the other side of the coin.
It can be hard but that's life.


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 20, 2014)

At a certain point I'll take death...


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## JustQuinn (Oct 20, 2014)

I am sorry to hear about your sister  Ralphy


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## SeaBreeze (Oct 20, 2014)

Me too Ralphy, very sorry to hear about your sisters.  We have living wills, so the plug will be pulled after a certain point if we're being kept alive by artificial means...but I sometimes worry about Alzheimer's, where even if we would not want to live anymore after that diagnosis, we would not be in the state of mind to make that choice.


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 21, 2014)

Thanks for your concern...


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## Debby (Oct 21, 2014)

Poor woman having to go through that when it's her body, her life.....if that's a good enough reason to justify an abortion, why isn't it good enough for a sick, old person?


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 21, 2014)

It is going to reach a financial crisis as baby boomers hit the nursing homes and have "hidden" their assets so the taxpayer pays for their care, while many children around the world live in squalor without a hope for a future...


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## oakapple (Oct 21, 2014)

Dame Warrigal said:


> IMO, she had an agenda.
> 
> and was campaigning with her own life.
> 
> ...


 I completely agree with you, having read about this case in my local paper [she lived near me.]


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## Debby (Oct 22, 2014)

Ralphy1 said:


> It is going to reach a financial crisis as baby boomers hit the nursing homes and have "hidden" their assets so the taxpayer pays for their care, while many children around the world live in squalor without a hope for a future...




But the point can be made that all their lives they contributed to the tax base and those 'hidden' funds usually end up in the families hands who then proceed to spend which helps the economy.  It's not like it disappears forever right?


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 22, 2014)

They may have contributed but their taxes went to support all of the programs that keep the country functioning, not just nursing homes...


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## Twixie (Oct 22, 2014)

Isn't it great..you work all your life..pay taxes...but when you need help, you become a burden!!


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## Twixie (Oct 22, 2014)

Why don't they just throw us in the nearest dumpster?


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## oakapple (Oct 22, 2014)

Twixie said:


> Why don't they just throw us in the nearest dumpster?


Isn't that already goverment policy?


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## Ralphy1 (Oct 22, 2014)

No!  Your nursing home care will be paid for under Medicaid.  The point is that people with assets want the person cleaning toilets at the mall to pay for their care.  This divesting of property and funds on children should be stopped.  There is a five year look back at the moment to try and prevent transfer before the nursing home comes into view.  I have already told my children that anything that I have should go my care...


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## Debby (Oct 22, 2014)

Ralphy1 said:


> They may have contributed but their taxes went to support all of the programs that keep the country functioning, not just nursing homes...




Yep, you're right, but just speaking for the 99% which is most of the population, the money that I might have left from my years of saving will go to my children and grandkids, who will use it for education, housing, groceries, etc., all of which are again, taxable.....so the Nazi philosophy of 'useless eaters' doesn't apply does it?  I might not be contributing to the same degree that I once did, but my savings (after I'm dead) will still be going into the economy so in a sense, yes, I'm still contributing.

I believe in Canada when it comes to aged seniors and housing, the government looks at their INCOME and determines from that if they pay for their housing and care.  So if I have $200,000 invested and get dividends from that, plus whatever pension plans I'm registered in, those dividends and pension payments are my INCOME while the $200,000 is not considered.  So if my INCOME is great enough, about 80% of that is taken to pay for my care and the government picks up the slack.  And then when I die, my saved $200,000 is inherited by my children who then spend it and put it into the economy or maybe they save it and the income received from it's investment again goes to help with their care.

And keeping min mind that we are a species that flourishes both physically and spiritually and mentally with the premise of taking care of each other, could it not be said that the time when the elderly need 'extreme' help is payback for the time that they took care of the useless eaters otherwise known as the future generation/infants?


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## WhatInThe (Oct 22, 2014)

I get her point. I admire her willingness to go ahead with her decision. But along with dignity taking one's self out should be about sparing care takers, family and friends unnecessary effort. A five week suicide attempt is not trouble free. It should be clean, swift and final just should be an execution.

I can't believe with all the information out there she couldn't have purposely OD'd on pills or something. There was too much statement in this method.


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## Debby (Oct 22, 2014)

WhatInThe said:


> I get her point. I admire her willingness to go ahead with her decision. But along with dignity taking one's self out should be about sparing care takers, family and friends unnecessary effort. A five week suicide attempt is not trouble free. It should be clean, swift and final just should be an execution.
> 
> I can't believe with all the information out there she couldn't have purposely OD'd on pills or something. There was too much statement in this method.





Personally, I feel for this lady and her family because everybody else's fears made it necessary for her to take this step.  When our laws actually catch up with public sentiment as in Oregon or Belgium or Switzerland, doctor assisted suicide is legal, then she wouldn't have had to embark on this course.  Apparently the approval rating for doctor assisted suicide is at 84% in Canada and yet here we are, no change (so far) in our laws.

And frankly I don't think for the average aging(dying) person it is all that easy to kill yourself unless that person is willing to opt for painful things like cutting your wrists or something but who wants loved ones to have to deal with that kind of discovery.

And when age old traditions and laws are in the process of changing, it usually requires a number of significant 'statements'.  Otherwise it is too easy for a public that is by and large reluctant to change, to dismiss it.  One old lady who cuts her wrists and then is buried vs. a dying senior who wasn't allowed a dignified death opts to end her own life by refusing to eat for five weeks.  Which one do you remember?


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## Warrigal (Oct 22, 2014)

We very briefly had legalised euthanasia in the Northern Territory. 



> *Legalisation in the Northern Territory[edit]*
> 
> Euthanasia was legalised in Australia's Northern Territory, by the Rights of the Terminally Ill Act 1995. It passed by a vote of 15 to 10 and a year later, a repeal bill was brought before the Northern Territory Parliament in August 1996, but was defeated by 14 votes to 11.[SUP][7][/SUP] Soon after, the law was voided by an amendment by the Commonwealth to the Northern Territory (Self-Government) Act 1978. The powers of the Northern Territory legislature, unlike those of the State legislatures, are not guaranteed by the Australian constitution. However, before the Commonwealth government made this amendment, three people had already died through physician assisted suicide under the legislation, aided by Dr Philip Nitschke. The first person was a carpenter, Bob Dent, who died on 22 September 1996.


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## Debby (Oct 22, 2014)

Dame Warrigal said:


> We very briefly has legalised euthanasia in the Northern Territory.



Think of it like a 'warm-up' to permanently changing the laws.


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