# Still think of my mother every day after her death 5 years ago. Normal?



## grapenutpudding (Aug 18, 2018)

My mother died almost 5 years ago (I'm 61) and I realize that I've thought about her EVERY day since she died and I wonder if this is common. I don't know if it means I am still trying to hold on to her by thinking about her or what. Anyone have any experience with this regarding their mother or father after they died?


----------



## Aunt Bea (Aug 18, 2018)

I think of my parents, friends, relatives that have died often, I welcome the visits.


----------



## Shalimar (Aug 18, 2018)

grapenutpudding said:


> My mother died almost 5 years ago (I'm 61) and I realize that I've thought about her EVERY day since she died and I wonder if this is common. I don't know if it means I am still trying to hold on to her by thinking about her or what. Anyone have any experience with this regarding their mother or father after they died?


Perfectly normal. For me, I think of my gramma, dead since 1979.


----------



## RadishRose (Aug 18, 2018)

Absolutely. I still think of my mother whether fleetingly or for quite awhile, every day since I lost her at age 16. It is not always sad anymore...most of the thoughts have changed to joyful. In fact I was just talking about her before I saw your post!


----------



## Falcon (Aug 18, 2018)

My parents  died  many years ago.  I don't  think of them  unless something comes up  concerning them.  THEN  I think about them.

I have both of their photos  hung on the wall  of  my  "Family Room"  so I  see them every day. It keeps me in mind  of all the times  we

had together  THEN.


----------



## grapenutpudding (Aug 18, 2018)

Thanks for the responses. I'd like to think it's not unhealthy to do that but sometimes I wonder if a day will go by when I will realize she didn't cross my mind (I have gone months without thinking of my father who is also dead, but I was estranged from him when he died so hadn't seen him for awhile). 

I was with my mother when she died and it was very unsettling and I think I haven't fully accepted that she's gone (maybe we never really do). I suppose as we get older it is more normal to think of those who have passed. I do enjoy when she comes into my dreams as that feels like a visit.

I can't say I have happy feelings when I think of her...it still feels a bit sad but as RadishRose wrote it isn't always sad for her anymore so I guess it can eventually change. Not really there yet.


----------



## RadishRose (Aug 18, 2018)

grapenutpudding said:


> Thanks for the responses. I'd like to think it's not unhealthy to do that but sometimes I wonder if a day will go by when I will realize she didn't cross my mind (I have gone months without thinking of my father who is also dead, but I was estranged from him when he died so hadn't seen him for awhile).
> 
> I was with my mother when she died and it was very unsettling and I think I haven't fully accepted that she's gone (maybe we never really do). I suppose as we get older it is more normal to think of those who have passed. I do enjoy when she comes into my dreams as that feels like a visit.
> 
> I can't say I have happy feelings when I think of her...it still feels a bit sad but as RadishRose wrote it isn't always sad for her anymore so I guess it can eventually change. Not really there yet.



Grapenut, you being with you mother and witnessing her demise can be extremely upsetting. I was spared that . 

Yes, the memories and visits do seem a bit sad, but the edge of that sadness will wear off. Your deep grief is over. Now it just needs getting more used to it. This is part of life.

The bad memories will fade somewhat and the good ones will come more into the forefront of your memory.

You're going to be fine.


----------



## Butterfly (Aug 18, 2018)

My mother died in 1981 and I still think of her almost daily.


----------



## grapenutpudding (Aug 18, 2018)

Thanks!


----------



## grapenutpudding (Aug 18, 2018)

Well then...I'm going to think it's ok. I do think I'm still processing it even after almost 5 years. Thanks.


----------



## Ruth n Jersey (Aug 18, 2018)

I don't know if it is normal or if anyone can put a time limit on grieving. I not only think of my parents and grandparents who were like a second set of parents but I talk to them every night when I get into bed.I tell them things that went on during the day. Things that I know they would be interested in or laugh about with me.  It comforts me. I don't know if they hear me or not. Sometimes I dream about them, that is an added bonus.


----------



## SeaBreeze (Aug 18, 2018)

Grapenutpudding, I think it's very natural for you to think of your mother often.  I miss my mom very much, lost here in 1989 and still think about her and dream about her pretty often.  I'm married, but I imagine that if I lived alone, I would think of my mom, dad, brother and sister much more often than I do.....loved them and miss them all.  My condolences for your loss. ((Hugs))


----------



## DaveA (Aug 18, 2018)

I still think of them often.  My dad and mom died (of natural causes) within 5 months of each other, 53 years ago.  My dad passed away on the front lawn and my mom at home, in the same bedroom that my wife and I use today. As the years pass, the sad moments fade somewhat and all of the pleasant memories flow back into my mind.

We stopped by their gravesite last month, as we are to be buried in the same family plot. Spoke with the supervisor as to where our stone will be placed as we're planning to have the stone engraved and put in place with the dates of our demise filled in when we "go".  Their (and our future)resting place is only 3 miles from our home.


----------



## jujube (Aug 18, 2018)

My father died 24 years ago this month and I still think of him every day.  It took a long, long time for me to stop seeing something and thinking to myself, "I'm going to have to tell Pop about that..."


----------



## moviequeen1 (Aug 19, 2018)

I have pictures of my parents around my apt,every time I look at them I smile and remember.
My dad left us 22 yrs ago 3/16, I felt teary eyed and sad,but it soon passed,same thing happened this past Fri,8/17 mom left us 15 yrs ago.
There are some years I get really sad on my parents birthdays,both are in Dec,5 days apart
I just wish there was a way we could all talk to our parents,just briefly Sue


----------



## Shalimar (Aug 19, 2018)

grapenutpudding said:


> Well then...I'm going to think it's ok. I do think I'm still processing it even after almost 5 years. Thanks.


Everyone grieves in their own way, at their own pace. There have been losses in my life which took almost a decade to ease. I didn’t push it, let it flow as it wished. Five years is a general stat as an  “average” time to grieve over much beloved people.


----------



## Sassycakes (Aug 19, 2018)

I think it is really normal to think about a loved one no longer with us. On August 25th my Dad will be gone 25yrs and I think and talk about him almost everyday. He left me with a lot of beautiful memories. The same is true with my Mom who passed away on January 2nd 2002. How could
we not remember our loved ones no matter how long they are gone.


----------



## grapenutpudding (Aug 19, 2018)

Butterfly said:


> My mother died in 1981 and I still think of her almost daily.




Well then...I'm going to think it's ok. I do think I'm still processing it even after almost 5 years. Thanks.


----------



## grapenutpudding (Aug 19, 2018)

RadishRose said:


> Absolutely. I still think of my mother whether fleetingly or for quite awhile, every day since I lost her at age 16. It is not always sad anymore...most of the thoughts have changed to joyful. In fact I was just talking about her before I saw your post!



I'm sorry you lost your mother so young. But I'm glad you have joyful thoughts/feelings connected to her at last.


----------



## grapenutpudding (Aug 19, 2018)

Ruth n Jersey said:


> I don't know if it is normal or if anyone can put a time limit on grieving. I not only think of my parents and grandparents who were like a second set of parents but I talk to them every night when I get into bed.I tell them things that went on during the day. Things that I know they would be interested in or laugh about with me.  It comforts me. I don't know if they hear me or not. Sometimes I dream about them, that is an added bonus.



I think it's good to do that...I try and talk to her sometimes but I don't really feel she's "there." Dreams can be comforting...like a visit.


----------



## grapenutpudding (Aug 19, 2018)

jujube said:


> My father died 24 years ago this month and I still think of him every day.  It took a long, long time for me to stop seeing something and thinking to myself, "I'm going to have to tell Pop about that..."



That only happens to me for a split second....then it can feel very painful to know you can't tell them something. I wish I had talked to her more when she was around.


----------



## grapenutpudding (Aug 19, 2018)

moviequeen1 said:


> I have pictures of my parents around my apt,every time I look at them I smile and remember.
> My dad left us 22 yrs ago 3/16, I felt teary eyed and sad,but it soon passed,same thing happened this past Fri,8/17 mom left us 15 yrs ago.
> There are some years I get really sad on my parents birthdays,both are in Dec,5 days apart
> I just wish there was a way we could all talk to our parents,just briefly Sue



I know...I think if we could be sure we'd see them again someday it would be much easier to accept. It's the finality that is devastating at times.


----------



## grapenutpudding (Aug 19, 2018)

SeaBreeze said:


> Grapenutpudding, I think it's very natural for you to think of your mother often.  I miss my mom very much, lost here in 1989 and still think about her and dream about her pretty often.  I'm married, but I imagine that if I lived alone, I would think of my mom, dad, brother and sister much more often than I do.....loved them and miss them all.  My condolences for your loss. ((Hugs))



Thanks for the hugs...since I do live alone I think it's affected me more than if I had my own family (also became estranged from only sister after her death so I can't even really share memories or anything with anyone). Thanks...


----------



## Linda (Aug 20, 2018)

My mom died in 1987 and I think of her every day or almost every day.  J don't think I am still grieving, I am remembering her.


----------



## grapenutpudding (Aug 21, 2018)

Linda said:


> My mom died in 1987 and I think of her every day or almost every day.  J don't think I am still grieving, I am remembering her.



I think if I could think of my mother without sadness I would think it was fine but it doesn't seem I can yet. But I guess it is somewhat common to think of dead loved ones frequently. It is a profound loss.


----------



## hollydolly (Aug 21, 2018)

I lost my mother when I was 18 sudden death.. the shock was indescribable.. over 40 years on I still speak to her most days!!


----------



## JB in SC (Aug 21, 2018)

Absolutely normal, I still think about my Dad twenty years later. He was a great person and left a positive impact on all of my family. The pain made fade over time, but the memories don't.


----------



## grapenutpudding (Aug 22, 2018)

hollydolly said:


> I lost my mother when I was 18 sudden death.. the shock was indescribable.. over 40 years on I still speak to her most days!!



Wow, that's rough....I think such a shock makes it harder to get over. There is some comfort in talking to the person and trying to feel a connection even though they aren't here.


----------



## grapenutpudding (Aug 26, 2018)

Sassycakes said:


> I think it is really normal to think about a loved one no longer with us. On August 25th my Dad will be gone 25yrs and I think and talk about him almost everyday. He left me with a lot of beautiful memories. The same is true with my Mom who passed away on January 2nd 2002. How could
> we not remember our loved ones no matter how long they are gone.
> 
> View attachment 55408



Thanks sassycakes...it seems the consensus is that people do think of their dead parents/loved ones often and it's ok. I don't think I've ever asked anyone in person so I wondered. Nice photo of your parents!


----------



## OneEyedDiva (Sep 17, 2018)

Of course it it....she was your *mother*!  My mother is gone too and I miss her every day. I think of my dearest departed relatives several times a week.


----------



## Keesha (Sep 18, 2018)

grapenutpudding said:


> My mother died almost 5 years ago (I'm 61) and I realize that I've thought about her EVERY day since she died and I wonder if this is common. I don't know if it means I am still trying to hold on to her by thinking about her or what. Anyone have any experience with this regarding their mother or father after they died?


Both my parents are still alive but aren’t doing well. It’s sad. I hope it gets better for you.


RadishRose said:


> Absolutely. I still think of my mother whether fleetingly or for quite awhile, every day since I lost her at age 16. It is not always sad anymore...most of the thoughts have changed to joyful. In fact I was just talking about her before I saw your post!


I had no idea you lost your mom at such a young age. 
Thats so very sad.


----------



## Keesha (Sep 18, 2018)

hollydolly said:


> I lost my mother when I was 18 sudden death.. the shock was indescribable.. over 40 years on I still speak to her most days!!


That’s so young also. I’m so very sorry hollydolly.


----------



## Furryanimal (Sep 18, 2018)

It's been eleven years since my dad went.Its perfectly normal.


----------

