# You're A Senior Living Alone and You Start Having Trouble Due to Failing Health....



## SeaBreeze (Oct 18, 2013)

If you didn't have any friends or family nearby to help you, and you started having trouble taking care of yourself, doing shopping, doing housework, paying the bills, etc...would you voluntarily move into a nursing home or assisted living facility...or would you try to hire somebody to come in and help you out part time?

I think I would do whatever I could to stay in my own home, even if I couldn't afford any outside help.  What would you do?


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## Jillaroo (Oct 18, 2013)

_I would muddle through on my own like i have been, i dread the thought of a nursing home, to me it signals the end of your life once put in there_


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## Anne (Oct 18, 2013)

I've been alone too much, with hubby travelling - don't like it at all, but not sure what I'd do...I agree with Jillaroo; a nursing home is like 'the last stop', not much freedom, either, and not for night owls.  
IF I could afford it, I'd have someone come in, or consider an assisted living place.  Guess we never know for sure until we're 'there', but it's worth thinking about.


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## Diwundrin (Oct 19, 2013)

That's me SB. I've just had to make that very decision.
Like you, I would prefer to stay put, but:- 

Hiring someone trustworthy for home help isn't as easy as it seems. Especially in a smallish town where most fit women work in other towns, or aren't much better off physically than I am, or are transient trailer park types whom I have no means of vetting.  A help wanted ad in the PO would be an invitation to 'case the joint' to some.

It's a region with a high density of aging retirees and Government run Community Assistance programs are so overloaded that there's a waiting list to get onto the waiting list.  
Geographical location plays a big part in what makes our independence possible. 

The kindness of relatives alone has kept me from starving when I was unable to drive to a shop, or even cook a meal for weeks. 
The only other option was to call an ambulance and throw myself on the mercy of the already overloaded health system.  I preferred starvation to hospital, but that's a reeeally long story.

Had I lived in a town with a taxi to call, or a take-away shop to phone for a delivery, or even with a doctor, or a pharmacy the decision would have been harder to make, but I don't.  I'm far too isolated here to justify my 'independence' as being more than a pipe-dream.

The reasons I chose to live here are the nostalgic location and the beach.  I'm essentially housebound now and can only look at the beach from the carpark.  I may as well look at a photo of it. 

 My principal reasons for being here aren't accessible to me any longer, so sanity must prevail, and self preservation has kicked in.  
Leaving this house, that I partly designed,  and have worked towards achieving my entire life, is one of the hardest things I have faced.  It is the goal that kept me going when nothing else was worth it,  and the sole tangible evidence that I've stamped on the planet to signify that I was ever here at all.  It's 'me'. It's the bottom line representation of my life.  

But I can't care for it alone any longer.  The dream is achieved.  It won't matter if I die in it or not, it will still be 'my' house. This particular house will only here because I 'built' it here.  That has to be enough. 

Just recalled that meme "there are many like it, but this one is mine". 



With luck I could last another few years here.  Throwing myself on the kindness of relatives for help, and living day to day in the hope that I will still be able to drive the 10 mins to a shop tomorrow, but it would be a very big risk to take.  Nor would it be fair on the relatives.  They don't owe me anything and it would be more than selfish to expect their support long term.

I've only rattled on because many make snap decisions and stick to them about this question. 
Those options of home help etc have to be investigated, they're not always easy to achieve.  
It's easy to get to a doctor when you can still drive.  Shopping can be done online and delivered.  If you live in the right delivery zone.  But don't make the decision based on that premise.

Try this practice run for a month or two.

 Not walk more than a 10 to 15 yards at a time without a frame and being doped to ears on painkillers.
 No driving at all.
 Take half the day just to get the washing done in 5 minute bursts of energy, loading said washing one item at a time into the dryer because you can't lift more than that, remember, it's heavier when it's wet.
Spend the other half of the day just getting showered, dressed, and the basics of housework and feeding yourself done.  
 Approach changing bed linen as you would a trek up Mt Everest.
Have no one available to help lift or shift anything heavier than a coffee pot.
No giving the dog a bath, you can't lift into the tub, or wrestle with it getting it washed.
(That is only done by wheedling someone else to do it for you, and they are not always around and can't be summoned for something like that.  Pewww. Only 'sponge' bathing it is an option.   Good luck with that!)
No buying anything at all from a shop you can't stagger to. Nothing, not even a loaf of bread. 
 Live entirely from what's in the pantry and freezer for as long as it lasts, and then sit down and figure out your next move.
Never get a window washed, or lawns cut or carpets vacuumed.  Those things are 'specials' done by people with the kindness and time and availability to accomplish, don't rely on that happening.
Don't even think about putting a full garbage bin out, rely on someone taking it with them to dispose of, in small bundles that's if anyone calls at all.
All 'bio' potentially smelly garbage must be stored in the freezer until disposal, never forget that one!
Talk to no one except by phone.  (or internet)

Sounds a pretty awful way to live doesn't it?  That's what it can come down to. It has for me. Not permanently, I've recovered enough to drive again but Osteoporosis means I can be laid that low again at any time.  We don't all go that way, but that can happen and does to many.
 Don't make set decisions about stayin' put too soon, things can change really fast.  

We have to look a little into the realities of the possible future before we decide these things.  We need to remain flexible about it. Things don't remain static, situations and surrounding people and support networks change.  We can't rely on what is possible today being achievable in our futures.  We need to examine our reasons for staying against our possible limitations in the future and at least make detailed enquiries with those possible future physical limitations well in mind.  It's not a good idea to leave the decision until we are actually at the crossroads.   

So.... YES,  I prefer to stay, but YES  I choose to move to a more suitable accommodation for my circumstances while I'm still able to make it for myself, and have some control over where I go. I can have a degree of independence but still have help nearby and more importantly, it's easily accessible.  Those places don't come up for sale often, opportunity has knocked in the next best place to here and I'm grabbing it.
There is a beach where I'm going, I can look at that one from the car park, no big deal I guess.  It just won't be 'my' beach. siiiiiigh.

 We can't have it all.

I'll put some pics of where I'm going in the album,  it's not what I want but there are plenty of worse places to end up in.

Oh dear, there's the rest of my daily rambling ration gone. 




Errrr, a PS?

Just read the posts from Jilly and Anne. I've had a bit to do with aged care facilities and there's a very big difference between a Nursing home and an assisted living accommodation.  Nursing homes are for the largely bedridden total write-offs. 

 Aged care is a step back from that, own room with TV and whatever sentimental junk you can jam into it until the staff get tired of shifting things to clean it and wash and dress you and get you down to the dining room.  Only then will there be tears and a clear out.

Assisted living is a further step back, doing your own thing but with cleaning etc done for you. It also includes meals and a degree of personal care help available if needed.  

Independent living in those developments is just that.  You own the unit and within neighbourly guidelines can do whatever you want in it.  There are no 'lights out' rules, just noise ones. It does though allow access to the same  community facilities as the other levels of care. Their own bus, craft groups etc. It is a community of peer retirees and up to the individual how much social interaction they want to take within it.
 It also offers the options of meals, cleaners, personal or basic casual nursing care etc on a user pays basis. 
 It has much lower weekly fees than the other forms of residence because those services are not included in the fees  and only come into play in time of need.

As I said many have a jaundiced view of aged care due to what it was like in the past, or from the worst examples of it. They aren't all anything like that bad and there are many different levels of 'care'. 
Nursing Home is a bogeyman that most never get to need. It's not a matter of being a home-owning independent individual one day and in a Nursing home the next barring a catastrophic stroke or similar.  There are quite a few levels of residential options between the two for most of us.

Honest, they just aren't something to be scared of.  By the time you get down to Nursing Home level I can guarantee you won't give a damn where you are.


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## rkunsaw (Oct 19, 2013)

If I couldn't take care of myself, I sure wouldn't be able to take care of this place. I would sell the house and move to a condo or assisted living place.


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## Jackie22 (Oct 19, 2013)

Wow..Diwundrin....you've put a lot of very good reasoning and thought into this.  Since my husband died, I too have been thinking of the future, I decided to move into town...found a house that I liked, nice established yard, price was right, I was ready to sell out and move, until I talked to my tax man about capital gains tax....end of moving, so I'll keep trying to keep this place up as long as I can, after that I just hope my kids and grandkids will be available, but I feel the same as you about 'my house', I've put my heart and soul (never mind the money) into this place.

My mother is 93 years old and has said she wants to stay in her house as long as she can and my brother and I are doing all we can to see that she does, I just hope my children do the same.


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## Diwundrin (Oct 19, 2013)

I hope they do too Jackie, not all do unfortunately.  I have no kids only cousins,  ("Never a mother, sister or wife, ... "), so that makes the choice a little less complicated for me I guess.

The money angle has to play a big part too.  I'll have a bit of juggling to do, but the priority must remain just staying alive as long as we still want to, wherever we can do that best.  
When it comes down to it the tax man won't give a toss whether you starve or not.  The money you save on Capital Gains will go on paying someone else to do 'at home' what gets done for you all inclusive in a retirement set-up.   
We don't pay that tax on our primary dwelling here after occupation for a set number of years, I fall a tad short so that's going to be a headache but then the gain won't be all that great as the market's down. I'll get a number cruncher to figure it all out.
It's  a matter of swings and roundabouts, that's life.


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## GDAD (Oct 21, 2013)

Here is the Australian government stay at home scheme.

http://www.livinglongerlivingbetter...ent/Consumer-Directed-Care-Home-Care-Packages


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## Diwundrin (Oct 22, 2013)

Looks good on paper Gdad, but try and access it in a busy area.  As I mentioned, there is a waiting list to get onto the waiting list. ... and they never, ever, call you back!  When you enquire how you're progressing you find that your name wasn't even entered into the data base and have to go through the whole story again, twice so far.  I haven't bothered with a 3rd, I'll be moving out instead.

  Just because it's there doesn't mean it works.  Not for everyone that's for sure and certain.


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## Old Hipster (Oct 22, 2013)

I like most older folks would do anything to stay in our house. I'm only 61 right now and the mister will be 65 in December, so we are still youngsters. LOL

And we or I or my husband will have to face this one day, we have no children and almost no living family members. We will cross that bridge when we come to it. We will have to be able to help ourselves.

My 85 years old mom lives by herself and we help her out, but don't know how much longer she will be able to live alone. 

Again we are just taking things one day at a time. My mom has 2 years of nursing home insurance, if she ever has to go to one. I hope it never happens, because they are like the Elephant Graveyards for old people.


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## GDAD (Oct 22, 2013)

Diwundrin said:


> Looks good on paper Gdad, but try and access it in a busy area.  As I mentioned, there is a waiting list to get onto the waiting list. ... and they never, ever, call you back!  When you enquire how you're progressing you find that your name wasn't even entered into the data base and have to go through the whole story again, twice so far.  I haven't bothered with a 3rd, I'll be moving out instead.
> 
> Just because it's there doesn't mean it works.  Not for everyone that's for sure and certain.



TRY THIS GOTO YOUR DOCTOR HE/SHE WILL ASSESS YOU THEN ASK TO NOTIFY REGIS. , OR YOUR LOCAL CARE MANAGER.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER REGIS IS IN COFFS, BUT YOUR DOCTOR SHOULD KNOW THE APPROPRIATE PEOPLE.

http://www.regis.com.au/about-us/additional-services/home-and-community-care/


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## Diwundrin (Oct 22, 2013)

You live in the city don'tchya Gdad? 



I have been that track. For results, see my post.

You can't get blood out of a stone.   Despite whatever you believe Governments are doing for you the fact is that accessing the goodies they brag about is easier for city people because that's where the services are focused.  The rural set ups are funded about equally, not taking into account the demographics covered in the different areas. 
 e.g. Singleton in the Hunter Valley has a fantastic support operation going.  'Easy as' to get all the perks and assistance there.  It's a working town, in a region full of working aged people with young families who don't need aged support services, yet is funded and staffed to the same degree as the one in this region, which has a similar population number of an almost majority aged and retired demographic.  There simply isn't enough to go around here.  But that won't change because their voters are in the city and they don't give a tuppeny toss about those in the 'bush.'

I got that assessment thing done, just for the sake of having the paperwork.  But I didn't get any paperwork.  They spent 10 minutes here, scribbled some numbers and took off.  3 weeks later *I* had to phone* them*  only to be told I didn't qualify for full aged care, which wasn't what I wanted anyway but...  not only that, but that even had I qualified there were no vacancies for 100s of km around anyway.  Oh yes, and they would post the assessment paperwork, it was an 'oversight'.  2 months later I'm still waiting for even that!

So... no community or home support within years of waiting lists, and no aged facility to go into. The lucky option of buying into an independent living unit is my only way out.  How about those who can't afford to do that?  Those who have no house to sell or family support either?  I guess they just die quietly waiting for their paperwork in the comforting knowledge that 'help' is out there.


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## Tom Young (Oct 24, 2013)

Haven't to the forum for a while, but it's good to see this thread, and the open contribution from Diwundrin.  So clear and honest that it begs some soul searching from our government(s).  
Seems like no matter how we look at seniors (me included @78) that it mostly comes down to money.   We need more solutions. 

From a practical standpoint, and IMHO on a larger scale we need to address this honestly.  First... I don't see any practical way to set up a program under a legal construct, so it's probably not doable under government.  

As I look at the wants and needs of my own community of semi rural America, I see older people living in their homes, with just enough money to pay the bills but with no relatives or assistance.  At the same time, we have a relatively high unemployment rate, and a growing number of homeless or destitute persons who are barely surviving... many honest, decent folk who have been devastated by divorce, health issues, or deeply in debt with no possibility of regaining a place in society.  

Naive I'm sure, but after visiting our local shelter, know that there are many who would be devoted companions and helpers to the aged or infirm, in return for room and board... some short term, others long term. My across the streeet neighbor (who died last year at age 93, in her home), had just such a companion.  A Ukrainian widow with some language barrier who traded 24/7 companionship in return for use of the home, the car, and a small allowance.  When my neighbor did die, her live in helper had a choice of many other similar positions.  A far cry from the hourly rate of $18/hour from the local (for profit) healthcare helper system. 

No, it's not legal.  Yes, there are risks.  How to make it work?  I don't know, but if it came to a choice, I'd try it in a minute.

How many older widows who are living on a marginal income would trade some of their time for a safe home with meals and transportation... how rarely do we hear about live in companions?  

How to make something like this happen?


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## Anne (Oct 24, 2013)

Good thinking, Tom; whether it's doable is what we'd have to decide for ourselves.  I've read of older women who are alone, getting old friends to move in for companionship and help.  Sometimes they'd pool their resources and buy a place together - but how many of us are even in touch with old friends anymore??  I know I"m not, though it does sound like it could be an ideal situation. 

Some would advertise for housemates, but that's as risky as finding someone in a homeless shelter....though again, one would have to do some screening before considering that.


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## grannyjo (Nov 9, 2013)

I've been fairly fortunate in having a Home Help lady come in once a fortnight  Of course,  I've also had a fair few problems with my health along the way,  and that's why I got the Home Help,  and yes I did have to wait quite a while - well over three years.   I live fairly much in the same area as Diwondrin, though maybe a little closer to the town where the services emanate.  Just keep trying - keep up the phone calls.  I hate the idea that maybe I won't be able to increase my service - they've got so many people trying to access it.


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## Jillaroo (Nov 9, 2013)

_I live in the same area as Di and i am struggling with all my injuries, my daughter has taken on her husbands 15 yr old daughter recently so doesn't have time to come and give me a hand, i need to do things in instalments due to my back giving me a lot of grief, have put on a lot of weight due to both my knees needing reconstruction or new ones, and my right ankle has no cartilage between the 3 bones so needs fusing,  but as i have a shower in my bath i won't be able to have the operation as i will be off my feet for 3 months and won't be able to get into the bath to shower, so very frustrated and in the meantime things don't get done around here, i need to declutter but i am finding it very hard to do. I need a fairy to come in and wave her wand for me sigh._


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## Diwundrin (Nov 9, 2013)

Didn't know you were from round here GrannyJo, you might join Jilly and I for some of those loooong lunches in Coffs.  



I can't risk waiting 3 years, easier to move to where help is available at shorter notice.  It's not too far, just about the same driving time from Coffs as here but a much bigger town with a better set-up for community care.


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## Katybug (Nov 9, 2013)

Anne said:


> I've been alone too much, with hubby travelling - don't like it at all, but not sure what I'd do...I agree with Jillaroo; a nursing home is like 'the last stop', not much freedom, either, and not for night owls.
> IF I could afford it, I'd have someone come in, or consider an assisted living place.  Guess we never know for sure until we're 'there', but it's worth thinking about.



I feel the same, Anne, we don't know 'til we're there and w/Mom having Alzheimers it's something I think about all too often.


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## drifter (Nov 10, 2013)

Well, damn. I'm going to have to quit feeling sorry for myself and start realizing how good I have it.


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## JustBonee (Nov 10, 2013)

Jillaroo said:


> _I live in the same area as Di and i am struggling with all my injuries, my daughter has taken on her husbands 15 yr old daughter recently so doesn't have time to come and give me a hand, i need to do things in instalments due to my back giving me a lot of grief, have put on a lot of weight due to both my knees needing reconstruction or new ones, and my right ankle has no cartilage between the 3 bones so needs fusing,  but as i have a shower in my bath i won't be able to have the operation as i will be off my feet for 3 months and won't be able to get into the bath to shower, so very frustrated and in the meantime things don't get done around here, i need to declutter but i am finding it very hard to do. I need a fairy to come in and wave her wand for me sigh._




So, so  sorry to hear what you are going through Jill.  Hope your Fairy Godmother shows up soon.  :girl_hug:





Diwundrin said:


> Didn't know you were from round here GrannyJo, you might join Jilly and I for some of those loooong lunches in Coffs.



Those must be some fun lunches Di!  ...  wish I lived near you.. I would invite myself .:yeah:


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## SifuPhil (Nov 10, 2013)

I'm still at the age and in the physical condition that I find it hard to envision myself being helpless, but I know that day will come.

Thing is, I don't have the funding for either a nursing home or a home-visit so I'll be making an intimate relationship with a refrigerator box. That's one of the reasons I want to get to Florida - at least a box on the beach will be warmer than one in Pennsylvania. layful:


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## grannyjo (Nov 10, 2013)

Hi Diwundrin,  You can usually find me at the op shop in Murdoch Street in Coffs on Tuesday and Thursday mornings.  I'm the library person there.  Keep it up so I have some interaction with people. Sometimes I find it exhausting,  but I'm there with a smile and ready for a chat.


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## Diwundrin (Nov 10, 2013)

OMG, a friend in an op shop, it's every hoarder's dream come true. 



Jilly and I should open one of our own, we're already well stocked up.
I've probably been in yours Jo, trawled the op shops along there and bought more 'junk' than I should have.

While I think of it.....

A point for those who want to stay put, de clutter while you're still feeling up to it.  Many make a decision to hang on too long in a place because they have reached the stage where their possessions possess them. 

 Parting with what are sentimental treasures can be just too hard to do when we are feeling at the end of our tether.  The energy of caring for them is a drain on us but it can still seem easier to stay with them than to live without them.  

You can live without them.  If they are more important than your own well being then you don't own them, they own you.  You have become the curator of a private museum full of exhibits of your own history that no one else is interested in seeing at all and is to their perspective, just old junk.  
If something is a family heirloom, pass it on early to someone who wants it, is better able to care for it, and sees it as you do.  
If no one wants it then it's 'junk' and they will treat it as such.

Better you say goodbye to the sentimental treasures at leisure and by choice than see someone come in and throw them all into garbage bags or rubbish skips, to 'help' out with making housework easier for you when you crash.  
It's a really bad thing to happen and I've seen it devastate people.  It did me too, and it was only a fraction of the junk I've accumulated.

Wanting to stay put and being able to do that depends a lot on how much work we have made for ourselves in maintaining our independent lifestyles.  

Sort out what's sentimental, that's the hardest to be rid of.  A memento of a person, if it's small, keep it, if it's big, take a photo of it to look at, and send the item on to an op shop or ebay, or an auction room if it's valuable.  
Granpa's grand piano won't fit in an aged care unit if it ever comes to that so it has to go someday. It's also not something that a community care worker will be willing to keep looking spiffy if we're lucky enough to stay in our homes until we snuff it.  
 Grandpa's pipe or specs though is an easily kept memento and all the reminder of him we need.  Easier to keep dusted too. 

They won't mind that we chuck it out, they don't know anything about it  and no matter how important it was to them, or how much 'a part' of  them, they sure don't need it now and they won't be back to claim it.  Nor would they expect you to burden yourself with it.  You don't owe them that just remembering them is sufficient.

Stuff we've 'collected' just because it seemed a good idea at the time is easier to part with.  Once we've sorted the different types it's easier to choose what takes up our space, effort and time.  

...well that's how the theory goes.


Just a tip from someone who has done it all wrong, kept everything, and is now drowning in other people's memorabilia and 'must have' bits of junk.   Sentiment is all in the head and we need to get our heads around it's priority ....  siiiiigh. I'll let you know how I go with that.


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## Jillaroo (Nov 10, 2013)

_OMG i am in the same boat Di, i have been trying to declutter for ages but my ailments won't let me, i have sold a few items on Gumtree but i still have heaps to plough through, my backroom is chockers full and i have enough Tupperware to open a shop plus i can hardly get in that room, again where's the good fairy when you need her._


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## Diwundrin (Nov 10, 2013)

Careful what you wish for Jilly, some of my more treasured items were chucked out by the 'help fairies' who valued only useful things.  Believe me they won't spare your feelings or share your value of anything.  

If you judge it all junk then phone the Salvos who often have a truck to send out to pick up good enough recyclable treasures for their op shops.  Others probably have the same arrangement.  I sent two full van loads of furniture,  and assorted ornaments, tools and stuff to the Singleton one and you've seen how many boxes of similar junk I still have. 

 I was kidding myself that I could sell it on eBay, or do a garage sale or something, but without a lot of organization and physical help the garage sale is out of the question, and unless we want to be slaves to the P.O. and go to the effort of shipping items that we're only making a dollar out of it's worth taking 'a loss' just to be free of it.


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## JustBonee (Nov 11, 2013)

Great posts Di, and timely for me. .. I like your insight.  
I'm at the crossroads of sorting treasures, memories, clutter and junk !! . .. not moving, but doing a big 2-day yard sale with multi-family groups this weekend.  (if weather permits).   I've put it off as long as I could, so now I need to get serious and make a dent in years and years of possessions.  My daughters have helped to force my hand .. or I probably wouldn't be doing it, at least not now.

It's really hard to tear yourself away from things you don't need, don't use .. but there they sit collecting dust or taking up space in closets, etc. ..  Have donated some items and will do more after the yard sale.  What doesn't sell, will go to a school organization collecting items, or the Salvation Army.  It won't come back into the house or garage ..lol    
And the worst is getting rid of large, heavy exercise machines that weigh a ton ...hELP!!   SIL is the mover and shaker of that stuff.   

I'll be glad when it's all over .....


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## Ozarkgal (Nov 11, 2013)

Jilly and Di...I sympathize with your situations, and can easily see myself there in the not too distant future.  You both have such brilliant minds, it's a shame when the body is no longer willing to co-operate with the brain.  I can imagine it's a horrible feeling to be  feel helpless and alone, needing medical care and being unable to get it because there's no one to care for you. My hubby and I are alone also, as far as family is concerned.  No kids or relative, except my brother who lives in another state to occasionally to help out.  

 When I had my knee replacement, I would lay there wondering what would happen to me if it weren't for my husband to care for me.  My doctor arranged for an in home health nurse to visit a couple of times a week, but all she did was ask me questions about how I felt and take my temp. After the third visit of this nonsense I dismissed her.  I can take my own temp and know if I'm feeling bad enough to call a doctor. I am not yet feeble minded.

Living remotely as we do and having a large property and animals to care for, it is easy to envision the day when we will no longer be able to do this.  There are days when I think that time is close, with my back issues and hubby's lung problem.  We have to take one day at a time and do the things we are capable of doing on any given day. Some days are good, some not so much.  One thing I know for sure is that I will not be warehoused in a nursing home, waiting to die, if I am in my right mind when that time comes.

Jilly and Di, I wish  you the best of luck in managing your living situation, sounds like you have it sorted out Di, and Jilly I hope you somehow are able to get the help you need to get medical attention you require.  Maybe that fairy godmother is just around the corner.


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## Anne (Nov 11, 2013)

Di, you've made some very good points.  I guess I've been lucky in that respect, as since we've moved so much over the years, I've kept the clutter down quite a bit.  Each time I've asked myself  "Do I need this or will I use it later"?, and usually out it goes.  Yes, I've missed some things we've gotten rid of, but not to the degree that it makes a difference.   I have a few things; but our daughter knows they will be hers, and she knows she can sell them or use them, whichever works for her, is ok with me.

Jilly; I'm sorry you are having to go through this...is there anyone you could stay with temporarily while you recover from the surgery you need??  Your daughter; or even a neighbor or friend, maybe??  Do you have siblings nearby??   

Ozarkgal, that's how we feel. One day at a time, and we don't want to be dependent on anyone any more than we have to.  We have our family trust, and advance directives to take over when that time comes, and hopefully, everyone will respect our wishes.  We've discussed it, and I do believe they will.


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## Katybug (Nov 11, 2013)

Jillaroo said:


> _OMG i am in the same boat Di, i have been trying to declutter for ages but my ailments won't let me, i have sold a few items on Gumtree but i still have heaps to plough through, my backroom is chockers full and i have enough Tupperware to open a shop plus i can hardly get in that room, again where's the good fairy when you need her._



Well, I was kidding earlier about us in our bikinis, but I truly wish I could help you.  I am a neat freak and used to have a wk-end job  organizing closets, and I wasn't cheap either!  I kept raising my prices and people kept paying it.  Then I became involved in a 5 yr relationship and wanted my wk-ends.  Wish I could get some new customers as mine have either passed on, gone into assisted living or moved away, as I can't locate any of them. 

Admittedly OCD, I get a thrill out of having everything in order and only wish I could help you out...and there would be no charge.  I am concerned for you. This is a huge problem, but you remain so cheerful and upbeat.  How hard that must be!


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## Jackie22 (Nov 11, 2013)

Yes, Di, you described it well..good idea on taking pictures before you get rid of it.

I've spent the last three years decluttering and sizing down, trying to fix up the house to eliminate as much maintenance as possible...I had a barn full of years of accumulation, I called the kids and told them to take what they wanted, tried to sell some of it, ended up giving a lot of it away after I discovered no one would buy it..lol.  My son is into antiques and family memorabilia, so that helped...but it is hard to let it all go as it brings back all the memories behind each piece. I've started writing notes about different items...the story behind it and putting the note with the item, hoping the kids will take care of it.   I'm still in fairly good health, but its always in the back of my mind that there will come a day soon when I will have to ask for help.


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## Tom Young (Nov 11, 2013)

Diwundrin... A wonderful talent for putting your wisdom into words.  Should be mandatory reading for everyone... not that it will apply to all, but because it serves as a starting point for thinking  through the years ahead. 
Here in the US, we call "treasures",  hoarding and have a top rated TV series that glamorize the dealing with sentimentality. 
I am the worst of all... accumulating electronic toys and mechanical instruments and tools of all kinds, and filling sheds, garages and closets in three different locations.  It's a hobby of sorts, and I DO periodically sort through and "play with" my toys.  My bride has been patient and accepting of this fetish,  :angel: else I should be alone and living in a cave.  

I would conservatively estimate the value of my 'treasures' at $20K+... but have signed a mental pact with my conscience to not consider the value at all... and to resolve the decluttering by ordering in a large dumpster, opening the doors of my home for a free "take what you want" day, and hiring help to oversee the giveaway and dispose of the balance.   I shall take that time to vacation... and not be there.  A psychogical ploy balanced by having based our finances on excluding all personal belongings (except for the house) from our net worth.   It works for me. 

The issue of "stuff" seems to be simple, but after living in senior communities for 23 years, it's my belief that this is one of, if not the worst cause of stress... (next to health)... and even exceeding money.  That's a humble opinion.


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## Jillaroo (Nov 11, 2013)

_Anne my daughter has just moved into a unit that has about 20 steps to climb to get in and there is only 2 bedrooms and they are full, so i will just have to put up with it or try and find out if there is a respite home or similar i could stay in while recuperating, there is very limited info on things for us elderly folks.
            About 3 yrs ago i had an arthroscopy on my right knee and also my ankle was operated on at the same time, he discovered i had no cartilage between the 3 bones, why he didn't just fuse my ankle then i can't understand, i suppose it's all about money for surgeons. Pffft my daughter stayed the night then i was on my own which was hard but i got through it, it's time like that i really miss my beautiful husband, you were lucky OZ.
            That's very sweet Katy but i would love to be able to wear a bikini ho hum.
            As far as decluttering i think i need to get tougher with myself and put all the things i don't use in boxes for the op shop as people aren't prepared to pay what you want on Gumtree _


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## Ozarkgal (Nov 11, 2013)

Three years ago when we retired and downsized our house by half I parted with at least half of the "stuff", and two thirds of the furniture.  Now as I look around at all the knick knacks, cabinets stuffed with dishes, pans, bowls, utensils, a large shed half filled with plastic containers stacked three deep with stuff I haven't seen in three years, Christmas items collected over the decades, and I haven't really decorated for Christmas for several years, hubby's three cabinets of tools collected over the decades from his job, some left over tack from horse years, and odds and ends of every thing imaginable,  I wonder what the hell to do with it.  
Oh, I almost forgot the storage cubbyholes that run the full length of both sides of the loft in the cabin, yup, stuffed!

 The though of being able to clean house without dusting all these knick knacks is becoming more appealing by the day.  My problem is not so much having trouble parting with it as it is what to do with it.  I keep telling myself I could sell it on eBay or Etsy, and have even thought of renting a booth in one of the many antique/collectable stores around here.  Hells bells, I could probably fill a small store.  

I have no prospect of having a yard sale as no one would travel down our road to get here, plus being so secluded I don't want or encourage strangers to come here.  I do have a large trailer that I have thought of loading and pulling up to a Salvation Army and telling them to unload it.  Also, once a year the town has a community garage sale in town where you can bring your stuff to sell. I don't know if loading all this stuff up, driving to town and setting it up would be worth the effort, as I would make pennies on the dollar. 

I know I have to do something while I still have any energy left and can sort this stuff out and dispose of it.


Yes Jilly, I am very fortunate to have my hubby. I count every day that I have him as a gift and don't know what I would do without him.  I am so sorry you lost yours and you are left to face things alone.  


Why is it the minute you buy something, and decide to sell it, it becomes virtually worthless?


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## Katybug (Nov 11, 2013)

Jackie22 said:


> Yes, Di, you described it well..good idea on taking pictures before you get rid of it.
> 
> I've spent the last three years decluttering and sizing down, trying to fix up the house to eliminate as much maintenance as possible...I had a barn full of years of accumulation, I called the kids and told them to take what they wanted, tried to sell some of it, ended up giving a lot of it away after I discovered no one would buy it..lol.  My son is into antiques and family memorabilia, so that helped...but it is hard to let it all go as it brings back all the memories behind each piece. I've started writing notes about different items...the story behind it and putting the note with the item, hoping the kids will take care of it.   I'm still in fairly good health, but its always in the back of my mind that there will come a day soon when I will have to ask for help.



What a great idea, Jackie, writing notes and I know they will be treasured down the road.  Same as you, I'm still in good health, no prescribed meds needed.  As with most reading this, I'm just far more limited in stamina...and extremely grateful that's my only complaint.  But living alone, going forward is always on my mind. I'm sure it is for all of us.  I know there are other members who have heavy challenges, I'm just more familiar with those of Di and Jill and hope that I have the chutzpah to carry on as bravely as they do.  My hat is off to both you ladies, you take your limitations face on and do yourselves proud.


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## Casper (Nov 11, 2013)

Jillaroo said:


> _Anne my daughter has just moved into a unit that has about 20 steps to climb to get in and there is only 2 bedrooms and they are full, so i will just have to put up with it or try and find out if there is a respite home or similar i could stay in while recuperating, there is very limited info on things for us elderly folks._



_*Jill, very sorry to hear of your circumstances and I really feel for you and your health situation. I just did a Google search for "respite in Coffs Harbour area", I presume you are somewhere close, and there were a few links, but I only looked at this one.*_
http://www.waratahrespite.org/

I_* don't know if this is any help to you but as I said, there are others. May be worth a search.*_


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## grannyjo (Nov 11, 2013)

I did a very big declutter over several months, during December last year and through to September this year.  I very purposefully had four boxes.  That which I actually needed to keep, ie bed linen, various pots and pans,  that which I wanted to keep,  then that which I could sell,  and that which I could donate.  I went through the needed to keep,  and the wanted to keep several times.  I found it easier to approach each room,  and indeed,  each cupboard as a separate project.  That's why it took so long.  It's not really something you can rush through in a week or two.  Of course,  some things I regret having parted with,  but I now have a home that I live with,  rather comfortably.  I remember having to clear out my Mum's home after she passed away.  She'd lived there for over 40 years.  There was so much  "junk",  that only meant something to her.  We really don't need as much as we tend to keep.  Most of it is want,  rather than need.


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## Jillaroo (Nov 11, 2013)

_Thanks for doing that search for me Casper that's very nice of you, i will bookmark that and contact them later, i feel i will need a rehab place as they will have to help me to keep mobile and to exercise the leg so i will look into that avenue as well_


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## SifuPhil (Nov 11, 2013)

Don't ever forget the Collyer Brothers ...


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## Casper (Nov 11, 2013)

Jillaroo said:


> _Thanks for doing that search for me Casper that's very nice of you, i will bookmark that and contact them later, i feel i will need a rehab place as they will have to help me to keep mobile and to exercise the leg so i will look into that avenue as well_



_*You're very welcome Jill.....sounds like you will definitely need rehab....we've got some excellent rehab facilities for pensioners down here, so should be similar in your area....I hope so, for your sake......good luck with the searching.*_


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## Diwundrin (Nov 11, 2013)

Thanks for the trouble of finding that Cas, I've bookmarked it too.  
I've been coerced into choosing the convertible night/day sofa instead of my preferred lounge when moving to accommodate a rel who has offered to stay over if I need her to, after some yet unforeseen op or similar, but knowing there is another option is a comfort.



> OzarkGal:...  One thing I know for sure is that I will not be warehoused in a nursing home, waiting to die, if I am in my right mind when that time comes.



Strangely enough that doesn't hold the fears for me that it once did.  If I'm gaga it won't matter where I am, but if I still have my marbles then the internet has opened a world to those in Nursing Home condition to continue to live, if only vicariously, in their minds.  That awful pit of loneliness and boredom of people plopped in armchairs like bundles of rags to stare at each other or the walls is largely a thing of the past.  
Or it least is has been in the facilities I've seen over the last decade.  Those bed-ridden even, can summon the energy to look at and press a button or two on a laptop.  It's better than watching ads on a TV all day.  Our parents generation couldn't be expected to adapt to using computers at that late stage of their life, but it is all too accessible to ours to utilize.  It offers a connection to the world and to relatives through emails or even... yuk... Facebook.  It has funnies to be found and hobbies to research, and gives us the global circus to watch.  

The ceiling and wall staring days can be over if we choose to see out our last days still 'enjoying the ride.' 
 Thank you Tim Berners Lee, bet you didn't see that aspect of your invention.   
Bet you didn't envisage we doddering old has-beens croaking our last opinions and dribbling on our keyboards did ya?





> Anne: Jilly; I'm sorry you are having to go through this...is there anyone you could stay with temporarily while you recover from the surgery you need?? Your daughter; or even a neighbor or friend, maybe?? Do you have siblings nearby??



I've offered her a spare bed but she wouldn't get far from it if she was relying on me to care for her physically.  All it would accomplish would be doubling the number of old crocks in the house. 






> Jackie22:  I've started writing notes about different items...the story behind it and putting the note with the item, hoping the kids will take care of it. I'm still in fairly good health, but its always in the back of my mind that there will come a day soon when I will have to ask for help.



I bought some stickers but that's as far as I've gone, in putting rough valuations on my collection of antique crumb trays.  I know the eBay queen of the family will sell them off with glee,  but as similar ones can vary by big$$$ in value a 'guide' may be helpful in setting an opening price.  I got a couple of mindblowing bargains from people who didn't know what they had, no reason she should miss out on a few bucks for that reason though.  They're all I have that matters , the rest is 'get what can for it'  junk.

THE NOTES:  I did a post on the SHS forum about that.  About how we are the generation now that holds all the family stories, relationships, scandals, and history.  We don't usually acquire a thirst for knowledge of genealogy until late in life and by that time the ones who knew where the skeletons were, and who they were, have long gone.  No records can beat a family story, handed down, for detail and context.  I've seen so many who have merrily charted out their ancestry without even realising that it isn't even theirs.  They only need get one fact wrong, which causes them to choose the wrong person as a forebear to throw the whole thing into a farce of sheer imagination.  

Contrary to popular belief we aren't all descended from Kings, and heroes,  with the possible exception of Asian members who have to take into account that a mindblowing percentage of Asian DNA can be traced back to Genghis.




It's overlooked that those stories of the 'oldies' aren't told over, or after dinner these days.  Too much other stuff happening now. What we were able to glean as kids eavesdropping on evening conversations isn't available to younger generations.  I'm aghast that a cousin had to phone me because she didn't have a clue what her own Grandmother's name was!.  "Dad just called her Mum."  and she'd died long before the cousin was born.    .. a point to think about?

I've been doing 'stories' on family people in Ancestry to put them into the context of what, and who they were to make them more real to anyone who wants to chase it further in the future.  I've only gone back as far as people I 'know' from memory of conversations about them in my youth over the dining table or mentioned in passing.  It is truly amazing that a single sentence, uttered by a Grandmother 60 years ago and remembered for God knows what reason can make all the difference in choosing the correct John,Joseph,Thomas or William to ensure the record is of the right family.
e.g.
Given names in the 1800s weren't all that imaginative and in my case I ran into a situation where 3 different men, with exactly the same Given and Surnames all lived in the same town at the same time.  They were not related in any way, they just had rather ordinary, common names. To make it harder two of their wives were Sarah, and 2 each of their children were William and Joseph!  No imagination!

Only that I remembered mentioned "when they ran the bakery in Maitland" allowed me to trace any further.  The census of that time listed the 3  as 'Farm Labourer' 'Butcher' 'indecipherable'...  easy!  I knew he was never down at heel enough to be a labourer, nor was he a butcher so... further research turned up other evidence that coincided with what we knew of his history so it was the right choice. My GtGM was 'married' to the right man in the chart.

Think about the family stuff you know that you never bothered to mention to your kids, write down any little bits of trivia about the long gone rels.  If no one cares then it's no loss, but if someone does,  it can be pure gold to a future researcher.


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## Casper (Nov 11, 2013)

_*No probs Di......as I told Jilly, there are a few other options when you do a Google search so hopefully there's something there to suit......otherwise, two old crocks may be better than one.....who knows.*_:encouragement:


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## Diwundrin (Nov 11, 2013)

Re Phil's Collyer Bros... we're not quite at that level yet.



and Tom's reference to Hoarders.  I watched those studiously I can tell ya.  Learned a few tricks of how to get around the mind traps from them  too.
But now one of my favourite shows is American Pickers so the 'mental condition' is still there.


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## dbeyat45 (Nov 12, 2013)

Great thread everyone ..... 

Our problem at the moment is that our house needs re-carpeting and, while we don't have huge clutter, we will have to empty bookshelves, china cabinets, TV unit, etc so the movers and carpet layers can do their job.  

Pros:The emptying gives us a chance to donate some of our 'valuable' stuff to Op Shops, thus reducing the clutter for our next move.​Cons:We have to do it if we want the carpet replaced.    ​ 
Maybe it will be easier to sell up?  

I would like to donate a lot of our stuff to the Philippines Typhoon Appeal but logistics preclude that.  The aid agencies need cash, not goods ... for now.  BTW, anyone can donate via various agencies,  Australian Red Cross:  http://www.redcross.org.au/typhoon-haiyan-2013.aspx



​


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## Jackie22 (Nov 12, 2013)

...yes, I agree, a very good thread, with lots of good advice.

dbeyat45, I've just recently done what you're thinking of....took out the carpet and replaced with laminated floors...a lot of work but I was able to eliminated a lot of 'stuff' going back in...it is a good feeling to finally be rid of it.

di, a few years back I gave my mother a recorder to record her memories, don't know if she's actually doing it... maybe I should get my own..also, I agree, about the computer for the elderly. 

I for one would be interested in Tom expanding his views on the retirement community...maybe a new thread..??


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## Tom Young (Nov 15, 2013)

Dropping back in to post a link to a new article (November 2013) from the AARP magazine, that covers familly caregivers.  While it's a bit simplistic, it does have some suggestions that may help.  In particular, on page 2... Some suggestions and legal considerations for paying or getting paid for eldercare, that could also apply to non-family members. 
http://www.aarp.org/home-family/caregiving/info-11-2013/caregiving-duties-parents-work-goyer.html

With so little information about the world's plans for dealing with an aging population, home care seems to be pushed aside, as governments tend to emphasize grand solutions.  This leaves most families with limited guidance, and bootstrap, trial and error means of developing a comprehensive plan.  

While I am not in favor of massive regulation, here in the US, there are no safety nets that cover seniors living alone.  At the very least, there should be a means of voluntary registration with a 911 free phone, for daily check in... even if the followup comes from a volunteer organization.  Hopefully, future governments might subsidize some aid, in the way of the Peace Corps, devoted to addressing senior welfare for those who are living alone. 

Jackie22... 
Re: your comment on retirement community.   
My own experience is with CCRC's (Continue Care Retirement Communities)... While there are millions of Google links, references cover all sorts of "communities"  with costs that range from $15K/year to $150K/year... and up front costs of from Zero, to a half million dollars.  We've lived in three different types, catering to three different age/needs groups.  For what it may be worth, I'm trying to put together an overview, with positives and negatives, and typical costs, (in our case, current maximum of about $35k/yr for two persons, all inclusive).
YMMV...


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## GeorgiaXplant (Nov 16, 2013)

Wow, Sifu...I thought I was the only one who remembers the Collyer Brothers!

Anyway, apropos to the subject at hand, when DH and I decided to sell our house we knew we had to clear out the Stuff. Lots and lots of stuff. We had three yard sales! Why three? We thought we were being ruthless with things to put in the first one (we weren't). It was painfully obvious that we needed to have another and be even more ruthless. Um. That didn't seem to do the trick, either, so we moved into the apartment that we'd rented, then had the last yard sale with everything (we thought) that didn't fit into the apartment or the storage spaced that was provided. Um, again! We finally emptied out the storage space by calling the St. Vincent's thrift shop. They were only too happy to come and get that stuff and we were only too happy for it to be gone.

Funny thing, as hard as it was to part with so many of those Things, so much of that Stuff, we never missed any of it! Truly never missed it even though we were pained to see it go and were convinced that nothing would ever be the same again.


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## Happyflowerlady (Nov 19, 2013)

I have given most everything that has any sentimental family value to my children, and have more or less been cutting down on the rest of what I have, so there will hopefully not be a problem if I end up having to move to some kind of senior living home. 
After being healthy all my life, walking several miles a day with my dog, riding horses, living an active life; and then suddenly, my heart just went on the fritz, and within a short period of time, I couldnt even walk to the mailbox without huffing and puffing, and needing a rest. So, I am now aware that you can be fine one day, and very much NOT fine the next; and have tried to prepare in case it gets worse, and I cant deal with having a home anymore.
I think I would opt for having someone to come in and help, or a roommate/caretaker if that were necessary, so I would not have to move. My husband has liver cirrhosis, so his health is not good at all either, and we are now living where he can get VA treatment, and dont have as much to take care of as we did where we lived before, so that should help out , too.


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## babyboomer (Nov 19, 2013)

I realy don't know. I guess, I would "play by ear" in the new situation. 
Luckily, in Australia, the Health Dept sends you a career and a nurse, a few times a week if one is disabled.


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## savtoosh (Nov 26, 2013)

Hi, SeaBreeze! Let me just say that I am still a few years away from having to worry about your situation. However, I have had a bit of experience with the topic when my grandfather was considering moving into a facility. Admittedly, it is very different because he had us to call on when needed. But similarly, he didn't want to leave home. He also didn't want to "be a burden" to us by having us help with the payment for hiring an aide. 

Anyway, Have you considered an assisted living facility (ALF) instead of a nursing home? It sounds to me like you're still quite mobile but needed help with daily living activities. An ALF might be a better fit for you. 

Personally, I don't like the idea of getting part-time help. What if you needed help at night and the aide isn't there? Or another option is to go ahead with hiring help and maybe get an alarm system as well. That way you can still call for help if you're alone. You can have it programmed to dial 911 or the nearest hospital. 

Just some thoughts. I hope it helps. 

Gianna


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## SeaBreeze (Nov 26, 2013)

Thanks for your thoughts and advice Gianna. You misunderstood, as I'm not in that situation yet either, just pondering about the possible distant future in my case.  The assisted living facilities, from what I understand, can be quite costly for the average person in the USA.  Something like a medical alert button that you wear on your person is a possibility for emergencies.

I'm not very trusting of people, so I'm wary about having anyone in my home, especially if I didn't have all my strength and wits about me.  My mother had someone coming into her apartment to help with light cleaning several times a week, and soon discovered that some of her jewelry was missing from her drawers.  It wasn't very expensive, but it had sentimental value that you can't put a price on.


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## savtoosh (Nov 26, 2013)

SeaBreeze said:


> Thanks for your thoughts and advice Gianna. You misunderstood, as I'm not in that situation yet either, just pondering about the possible distant future in my case.  The assisted living facilities, from what I understand, can be quite costly for the average person in the USA.  Something like a medical alert button that you wear on your person is a possibility for emergencies.
> 
> I'm not very trusting of people, so I'm wary about having anyone in my home, especially if I didn't have all my strength and wits about me.  My mother had someone coming into her apartment to help with light cleaning several times a week, and soon discovered that some of her jewelry was missing from her drawers.  It wasn't very expensive, but it had sentimental value that you can't put a price on.



Hi, SeaBreeze! I hope I didn't offend you by misunderstanding. 

You're right, though. ALF and SNF are very expensive, some states more than the others. And a lot of times, the cost does not always equal the quality of care, either. I can understand about having strangers in the home. It's unfortunate but it seems that even when one has all their "strength and wits" about them as you say, bad people still find ways to do bad things.


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## CPA-Kim (Apr 2, 2014)

I've thought a lot about this even though I'm only 58 and still working.  I have no children and am no longer married.  I'll have a pension, SS, and own my condo but I do have some health issues that may or may not get worse.  I plan on staying here as long as possible.  I have someone to clean and will no doubt have enough of a monthly income if I need some basic assistance.  Other than that, I have good friends.


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## Ina (Apr 2, 2014)

CPA-kim, Sounds like you've given it a lot of thought, and preplanning. When the time comes for your retirement, find a good hobby, and make lots of inline friends. LIKE US!!! :star:


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## CPA-Kim (Apr 6, 2014)

Yes, I have some wonderful hobbies and interests.  I won't lack for things to keep me interested.


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## i_am_Lois (Apr 7, 2014)

I worked as a certified home health care nurses aid when I lived in Delaware. Here is the agency I worked for: http://www.ghcde.org/
There are similar agencies set up all across the USA. If you need assistance you tell your doctor what difficulties you're experiencing. He is the one who can arragne for you to be admitted as a home health care patient. It is all paid for by various assistance you are eligable for. That could mean Welfare, or social security can pay for it because you will be considered disabled, or Medicare, or Medicaid. I never heard of anyone having to pay a penny out of pocket. How often someone comes to the home and how long they are there for depends on how disabled you are. I know some people who were bed-bound (unable to even take one step), living completely alone who insisted they wanted to remain in their home. You have that right. They would get 3 hours in the afternoon and 3 hours in the evening, 7 days a week, holidays, snow. It didn't matter. They were a high priority because they were deemed completely helpless.


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## LogicsHere (Apr 7, 2014)

I would do the best I could most probably getting a Medical Alert and also sign up for my town's "Call me service". I will eventually have to hire someone to help clean and quite possibly cook. Shopping I can do on line and have it delivered. If it came to to the point where I was no longer mobile then I would have no choice but to go into assisted living or a nursing home, but I would certainly not stay in NY. There are places charging 2/5 to 1/3 of what the NYC Metro area which now range from $5000 to $10,000 a month.  Not being Ms. Gotrocks, I could never afford that.


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## EveDallas (Feb 8, 2015)

I have had much experience with parents that could no longer take care of themselves, and I have already decided that I would move to an Independent Living community, with the options of adding assistance when needed. I have done a lot of research in the area where I live (for my parents), so I already know where I would like to go.  My best advice is to make sure that all of your financial information is in order, and you have done the research yourself. There is no shame in needing help and in the Independent/assisted living communities one can be as social or alone as them want. 

I have also researched nursing homes and have placed both of my parents (at different times), in the same one. I have left instructions with my attorney that this is the one I would liked to be placed in if the time should ever come when I could not make decisions on my own any longer.

The sad think is that both of my parents suffered incapacitating dementia, my father is Alzheimers, and my mother with Vascular Dementia. They lived like there was no tomorrow, never planned for the future, always stated "you can't take it with you", and spent and went into debt right up until their later years. Therefore there were not a lot of choices for either of them, as they never saved any money or even had life insurance. There are very few options for low income seniors, other then getting social workers involved in your life, which we had to do. They both ended up on Medicaid, and that is not a situation I want for myself. It was not an option for them to have someone come in and help them, they just didn't have the money for it. In fact I had to file bankruptcy for my mother when my father passed away, she was 83 at the time. That is a really sad situation to put yourself in.

This will not happen to me, I have seen an attorney and made sure that I have savings, long term care insurance, and I am making as many of the decisions that I can myself. I have elected a Personal Representative that I trust to look out for my well being, should I not be able to make decisions for myself.  I will divest myself of property and sort through my own house full of memories. That is not a burden I wish to leave for anyone else. Within the next 10 years or so I will have placed myself in the Independent/assisted Living community of my choice. I should have enough with my savings and the sale of my house to keep me comfortable for the remainder of my life. 

Make decisions for yourself while you still can.


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## LogicsHere (Feb 9, 2015)

I have no experience/information regarding CCRC's and any help that you can provide would be much appreciated.  My dad who had Alzheimer's past away in 2009 and I'm now looking after my mother who has another form of dementia and it isn't easy.  I am single with no children.  I have a nephew and a niece in name only as they don't take even 5 minutes a year to call and ask how I or their grandmother is.  Needless to say any funds I have saved will be spent on my own care and they can fare for themselves.

I am sure that this kind of information will be helpful to many here.


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## Susie (Feb 9, 2015)

This is one of the saddest threads I've ever read!
A subtle indictment of the younger generations who were nurtured, housed, fed, until they were good and ready to leave home (some not until their late twenties), and who now eagerly warehouse or dump their elderly, ailing parents into ghetto type institutions.
I have learned from these "selfish" younger ones, am not going to worry about maintenance or decluttering, but plan to enjoy those few years still left of my life!
Please excuse my "sidetracking"!


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## Susie (Feb 25, 2015)

Living Month to Month.
Very disturbed by this report.
It couldn't be true, could it?
http://www.marinscope.com/news_pointer/news/article_0efbed8c-b224-11e4-ad19-576bfaf7250a.html


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## Linda (Mar 4, 2015)

I would rather stay in my own home.  If I couldn't afford a live in helper I might find a person who needed a place to live and would be willing to live with me for room and board.  But the challenge of that is, I've seen people who have taken advantage of the elderly and slowly drained off their money, and in one case I know, even moved some of the furniture to their own home!  So really I'm not sure what I will do if it ever comes down to it.  I don't want to go to a nursing home and I don't want to be a burden to my kids and live with them either.


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## Catraoine (Mar 5, 2015)

Well, if I am left on my own and my health gets so bad that I can't take care of myself, then I have a plan. A nice long sleep, I mean a very long endless sleep. If it is the other way around my husband is of the same mind. And yes our children know.


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## ndynt (Mar 16, 2015)

This is one of the threads that attracted me to this forum.  But, being at just this point in life, I just couldn't bring myself to read it until today.  I do not know that it has enlightend me though.   Rather it has saddened me further.  Not that it did not present some interesting views/information.  Guess just overwhelmed with it all.


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## applecruncher (Mar 16, 2015)

Our state Dept of Aging (and other social services) have low/no cost services to help seniors with cleaning, shopping, cooking, laundry, transportation, even bathng and medication. I know of people who moved into assisted living, but it costs a fortune. Nursing home would be a last step. (An aunt w/dementia and serious mobility issues moved to a nursing home last year.)

However, this is a large city.  Smaller towns and rural areas might not have all these services.


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## John C (Mar 16, 2015)

I definitely want to remain at home. One reason is to be with my beloved companion, a Beagle named Pikey.  There are a lot of home assisted living businesses in the area, and I have done some research using the internet.  It seems the best solution for me would be to choose one that will send someone over daily to do whatever you need done.  I believe there is a minimum requirement of six hours per day, but there may be some whose requirements are less.  The going rate appears to be $18-$20 per hour, which is pretty expensive for most of us.  Also, as we get older, we should keep in mind that we want the benefits of a Hospice for our later days.  Medicare pays most Hospice expenses.  And, many years ago, I made out a Living Will so as to avoid possible traumatic decisions by our families.


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## Don M. (Mar 16, 2015)

I've become kind of a "proxy caregiver" to a bachelor in his mid 60's who lives about 1/2 mile away, in the woods.  His nearest relatives are about 350 miles away. He has several health problems and is rather Obese.  We have become good friends over the years, and I check on him every couple of days.  Over Christmas in 2013, we were up in the city for 3 or 4 days visiting the kids and casinos, and when we came back I went up to his place.  He was barely mobile, could hardly speak, and he had had a stroke. I called an ambulance and they rushed him to the hospital.  I called his relatives, and they came down for several days.  They tried to convince him to move into a care facility, but he will have nothing to do with that.  Now, over a year later, he still has trouble speaking, he gets tired just doing a few minutes of chores, but he still drives himself up to town for groceries, etc.  I have a key to his house, and if I don't see or hear from him every couple of days, I go over to check on him.  I know that some day, I will not see him, or get him on the phone, and I will go up there and find him laid out on the floor.


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## Ameriscot (Mar 17, 2015)

I would try to stay in my home and pay someone.  Scotland provides home help to OAPs but you have to be fairly low income to get it free. There are some who work independently to provide home help but don't know what they charge. I don't know if there is an equivalent to assisted living here. There is sheltered housing but this is for those who are trying to remain independent but help is nearby and someone checks on you daily.  But these are self-contained flats or cottages with your own kitchen.  So unless you get a free home help or pay someone, you do your own cooking and cleaning. 

I did this job when I got tired of office work and it's what I retired from. There is one sheltered housing in the town nearest me that is appealing. Nice flats, and the building faces the loch, actually the Firth of Clyde, and people get on the list to have their flat facing the front.  Nice seating areas in the front of the building on each floor.  And group activities frequently.


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## Lon (Apr 14, 2015)

I would go to one of the Assisted Living Facilities in my community that have a indoor/outdoor pool & spa. housekeeping, two/three or one meal per day. personal needs care, gardens etc. They are pricy but I think I have the resources to handle it.


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## Ameriscot (Apr 14, 2015)

Lon said:


> I would go to one of the Assisted Living Facilities in my community that have a indoor/outdoor pool & spa. housekeeping, two/three or one meal per day. personal needs care, gardens etc. They are pricy but I think I have the resources to handle it.



My dad was in assisted living before he was in 24 hour care.  Very nice place.  He had his own 'apartment' except there was no kitchen.  Meals served in a big dining room and coffee/tea etc all day.  

I don't know if they have anything like that here in the UK.  Sheltered housing is different from assisted living.  It's actually a flat or cottage with kitchen and you cook your own meals. Many clients have a helper come in, but they must be fairly able to do things on their own.


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## Dreamplanter (Apr 27, 2015)

My husband and I live in a retirement community in a villa.  We live independently and enjoy it very much.  We moved because the care of our house was getting to be too much for us.  Plus, we had a cottage on the river which also took up a lot of care and time.  Also, our daughter is handicapped and I know she worried that she would not be able to help us as we needed more help.  We wanted to set her mind at ease.

When people want to stay in their houses, it involves a lot of people helping them - going to the bank, cleaning the house, going grocery shopping, driving to
doctor's appointments, cooking etc.  Do you want to burden your children with these chores?  Plus, there may come a time when staying in your house isn't possible.  Then it involves calling around to find a facility that can take you.  Many are full and you might end up in one that you wouldn't choose.

We just had that situation with a family member.  She and her husband lived in a condo and she fell and had a compound fracture of her ankle.  That happened in November and she is still using a walker and getting therapy.  She had to go to various facilities until she could go home and some of them were not very nice.  Had they
lived here she could have gotten care at our nursing care part and gotten care right on the premises.  Her husband could have just walked to visit her from their apartment which would saved him driving.  Plus, the cafe offered meals and he wouldn't have had to worry about cooking.

Just some food for thought.


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## AZ Jim (Apr 27, 2015)

Dreamplanter said:


> My husband and I live in a retirement community in a villa.  We live independently and enjoy it very much.  We moved because the care of our house was getting to be too much for us.  Plus, we had a cottage on the river which also took up a lot of care and time.  Also, our daughter is handicapped and I know she worried that she would not be able to help us as we needed more help.  We wanted to set her mind at ease.
> 
> When people want to stay in their houses, it involves a lot of people helping them - going to the bank, cleaning the house, going grocery shopping, driving to
> doctor's appointments, cooking etc.  Do you want to burden your children with these chores?  Plus, there may come a time when staying in your house isn't possible.  Then it involves calling around to find a facility that can take you.  Many are full and you might end up in one that you wouldn't choose.
> ...



Your question ignores one fundamental fact, many cannot afford any option but trying to get by where they live.  This country is very easy for the "well off", not so for many others.


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## Shalimar (Apr 28, 2015)

I also opt for the long sleep when I am unable to care for myself. Among other things, I am far too claustrophobic to live a life  where I am unable to get up and leave a situation.


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## Busy Bee (May 10, 2015)

I am a senior living alone. Yesterday I tried shoveling some earth  today I spent the whole day in the lazy boy chair taking pain pills. I look around the house and find it isn't as neat or tidy as it used to be but there is no one here except me so who cares. Some days I think I should find an apartment in town or a senior's residence. then other days I think no way I am only 68. I am not a senior senior. I just creak a lot.


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## SeaBreeze (May 10, 2015)

You can't overdo with things like outdoor work Busy Bee, but I'm glad you're getting outdoors and doing things in nature.  A nice long soak in an epsom salt bath is great for the muscle soreness and relaxes you nicely.

  As I've said in the past, if I end up being alone, I would do my best to stay in my house, even if I had to hire someone to mow the lawn and do some other things.  Right now I'm 62 and able to do a lot of stuff, hopefully I can swing it for a long time. 

 I grew up in an apartment, and my husband and I live in a few apartments when when we were young and saving up for our first home.  They were okay at the time, but after owning my own home, I really wouldn't want to go to apartment life again unless it was mandatory. Plus, it's hard to keep pets in an apartment.I think we all have some creaks, lol. ld:


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## ndynt (May 10, 2015)

Busy Bee said:


> Some days I think I should find an apartment in town or a senior's residence. then other days I think no way I am only 68. I am not a senior senior. I just creak a lot.


I can so relate, Busy Bee.  As I was trying to weed, the past few days, the same things were going through my mind.  Wondering why am I forcing myself to try and do this.  I am a lot older than you...but, still the thought of a apartment or senior housing....:sour:


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## nonirose (May 27, 2015)

I'm actually working on this now for those 'just-in-case' moments that will come since I have severe psoriatic arthritis. I still work, drive, and take care of myself but it's getting more and more difficult living alone. My youngest and family is moving to Oregon soon and wants me near her so she can be there for me. They want to buy a house with a "Noni's" quarters. I don't want to burden my children but bless them all (three) they want to take care of me when it comes to that point. I was my mom's caregiver and it was hard but I'd do it again. Oregon has the Physicians Assisted law as well and even though controversial to some, I want the option over a nursing  home if that came up. 

Some of us don't have the luxury of expensive retirement communities. I was doing very well and my ex husband wiped out a huge chunk of savings and half my thrift so with my age and health, building anything back up except my basic retirement isn't going to happen. 

Something I've found is when I first had to move I lived in my RV for awhile and it was actually nice not having to spend hours cleaning, mowing and fixing things. I decided a one bedroom apartment was for me until I move to Oregon. It's easily maintained by me without help right now.


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## Dreamplanter (Jun 8, 2015)

My husband would be amused at being called "well off."  He never made more than $35,000 a year but we didn't live above our means.  If you have a house to sell, you can usually afford to move to a retirement community.  Our "villa" is a third of a triplex and  is about 1430 sq ft.  If you have a social security and a pension, these retirement homes are affordable.  I realize everybody doesn't have a pension which makes it difficult to afford a retirement community.  Although defined pensions were the rule in our working years.


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## Camper6 (Dec 30, 2017)

SeaBreeze said:


> If you didn't have any friends or family nearby to help you, and you started having trouble taking care of yourself, doing shopping, doing housework, paying the bills, etc...would you voluntarily move into a nursing home or assisted living facility...or would you try to hire somebody to come in and help you out part time?
> 
> I think I would do whatever I could to stay in my own home, even if I couldn't afford any outside help.  What would you do?



Depending on how much care you need, in Ontario where I live, social services would send someone to help you stay in your home.  When my wife was sick I received three hours of day of help.


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## Bullie76 (Dec 30, 2017)

If I live long enough I will go to an assisted living facility. There are a couple of nice one's not far from where I live now. Not cheap but that's one reason we save....to have money to take care of ourselves in the golden years.


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## Shalimar (Dec 30, 2017)

Camper6 said:


> Depending on how much care you need, in Ontario where I live, social services would send someone to help you stay in your home.  When my wife was sick I received three hours of day of help.


Available in BC as well.


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## Aunt Bea (Dec 30, 2017)

My preference would be to live independently and go directly from my little apartment to the cemetery.

I'm still preparing for the possibility that I will need to move into an assisted living facility at some point.  We have two or three cruise ship style facilities, similar to the one that Lon moved into recently, in the area.  I like one in particular where you pay a monthly fee for all inclusive day to day living and if you need assistance with meds, bathing, dressing, etc... you can pay an additional monthly amount for those services when or if they become necessary.  That option would allow me to stay in one place for a longer period of time.

We live in a time where things are changing so fast that it is becoming easier for a tech savvy senior to stay in their own home, hopefully long enough to avoid being institutionalized.

At this point all I'm really doing is trying to lighten the load and get organized so that when or if the time comes things can move quickly and smoothly without a lot of fuss for me or those around me.


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## Smiling Jane (Dec 30, 2017)

I'll probably consider the ice floe option if I can't live on my own. So far so good. My mother died at 93 and lived on her own until the end, when my sister tricked her into a nursing home and Mom decided to pull the plug.


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## CindyLouWho (Dec 30, 2017)

Not something I like to think about, I'm in my 50's now, but the years do go by fast. Like Aunt Bea said, it would be my choice too to live in my house until that time comes, until then, just keep on saving, planning & praying. raying:


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## Smiling Jane (Dec 30, 2017)

CindyLouWho, I don't know where you live or your situation, but a friend's mother was able to stay in her apartment until she died of emphysema. She had a caregiver who came every day to make her breakfast and lunch, do the cleaning, help her with her health and hygiene needs, set up the automatic coffee pot for the next morning and make sure everything was in place so all she had to do was microwave her dinner. Her son bought her groceries and filled her prescriptions when it became increasingly hard for her to get around.

Most or all of the home health aide's salary was paid for by a combination of city, state and federal government.


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## CindyLouWho (Dec 30, 2017)

Thanks Jane, I currently live in Florida and am _relatively_ young and in good health now but that is a *very* good idea. Thanks for sharing that information!


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## Don M. (Dec 30, 2017)

SeaBreeze said:


> If you didn't have any friends or family nearby to help you, and you started having trouble taking care of yourself, doing shopping, doing housework, paying the bills, etc...would you voluntarily move into a nursing home or assisted living facility...or would you try to hire somebody to come in and help you out part time? I think I would do whatever I could to stay in my own home, even if I couldn't afford any outside help.  What would you do?



I am involved/witnessing with such a situation with a neighbor.  His relatives are all hundreds of miles away, and a few weeks ago, the doctors gave him 2 or 3 months to live....terminal cancer.  He has an in-home hospice service that comes by nearly every day to check on him, and feed him, etc., but he is so far gone I don't see how he can even go to the bathroom.  His relatives drove down here a couple of times in recent weeks, and tried to get him to go to a good senior facility in town...3 miles away, but I think that dissolved in a confrontation, and he refuses to leave his house.  A few days ago, I stopped by, and the hospice person was struggling to get him back in his chair....he had fallen.  It took both of us to hoist his 300+lb. bulk back into his chair.  Yesterday, I called the propane service to add some fuel to his tank so he doesn't freeze in this cold weather.  I fully expect, in the coming days, to see him pass.  It's a sad situation, and he would be far better off in town, but he seems to have made his decision.


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## Smiling Jane (Dec 30, 2017)

That's a scary situation, Don. After he was given that kind of prognosis, he probably figures he might as well stay in his home for the short time he has left. If he dies from something else, so be it.

Good of you to see to the propane and help out where you can.


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## Wren (Dec 30, 2017)

I would do anything to stay in my home until the end, health permitting, the thought of going into a residential home scares the hell out of me, I hate the feeling of not being in control like when you get up, what you eat, your personal care.....


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## Smiling Jane (Dec 30, 2017)

Yes, living among your possessions and memorabilia within the walls of your familiar home. You give up so much of your autonomy when you go into a home.


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## Lethe200 (Dec 31, 2017)

"Give up autonomy"? Who says?

Please understand that in the U.S., there are no federal standards for type of senior facility, so there are many, many different kinds. Maybe you are talking about Skilled Nursing Care, or Memory Care. I'm sure in those circumstances you would WANT help!

We moved my MIL to an asst. living facility when her dementia began worsening. Her idea of a comfortable lifestyle was not ours, and it merely confused her and made her anxious. She could manage fine on a day to day basis, and in fact could ace the standard geriatric test of counting backwards in 7s - she could do it better than I can! But she was increasingly lonely as her friends died off/moved away, and all her family, except my DH, lived 3000 miles away.

She was initially reluctant but in a few weeks LOVED it! The staff and residents considered her a ray of sunshine. She had her own apartment but all the housekeeping was done by staff. She had been afraid of falling when she bathed; now she had an attendant right there to help. Her unit was sunny and bright, with a view of the city and hills (in fact she could see our house in the distance, 3 mi away). 

She loved their food (we actually had family dinners there, the facility kitchen was so good), always served at a regular time so she knew what to expect. If she didn't feel like eating, nobody was going to force her to. She could participate in as few or as many activities as she wanted, no pressure. A hairdresser came once a week to work at the facility all day. 

All residents had one of those 'call button' wristlets so if she fell or needed any assistance, one of the staff that is there 24/7 would come immediately. If she didn't show up for a meal, they would knock on the door just to check that she was okay. Otherwise, there was a room on every floor by the elevators for the staffperson on duty, so everyone knew where to go.

There were always puzzles, books, and papers around, with comfortable chairs and sidetables, on every floor for residents to enjoy. There was an in-house senior center on site with a full schedule of activities every day.

She could decorate her apartment as she wanted. We insisted upon buying her all-new furniture. One of those powered lift-up upholstered chairs (she was quite mobile, but she loved playing with it and showing it off to her neighbors). A new bigger TV and a handsome walnut round table to serve as desk for her laptop and monitor. 

One of our friends helped put up the photos and art she wanted. Another friend brought her some silk plants which we arranged in the bay window.

Relatives and friends who kept in touch with her by phone said her time there was the happiest they'd seen her since her husband died seven years prior. She loved the casual social contact at the senior facility. Simply exchanging a cheerful "good morning!" with neighbors and staff was enough to make her happy. Being around people of her own age was very good for her - her dementia lessened (it never goes away, of course). She was so much more alert and happy.

It's a mistake to think of seniorcare as only extremes of "living at home" vs "being institutionalized". 

The great downside of America's laissez-faire healthcare system is that it takes $$$$$ to live comfortably and without fear of future mental/physical disability. And the social network is being shredded by current political actions. 

We have close relatives who do not have financial resources for extreme old age, and we are fearful for them. Their kids, struggling with their careers and young kids of their own, are terrified for their parents, and rightly so. It is not a question of being stuck in an ugly, rundown, uncaring facility - *it's the fear that there won't be any facilities or resources at all*.


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## KingsX (Dec 31, 2017)

Here in many North Texas suburbs [and I assume in other parts of the country]
nice new partially government funded senior apartments have recently been built.
Rent is based on income.  I thought seriously about moving into a brand new one
built near me this year.  But I opted [for now] to stay in my single family house
which is much too big for me and in spite of this being the very best time to sell 
homes in the Dallas area [house down the street just sold after 8 days on market !]


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## Aunt Bea (Dec 31, 2017)

KingsX said:


> Here in many North Texas suburbs [and I assume in other parts of the country]
> nice new partially government funded senior apartments have recently been built.
> Rent is based on income.  I thought seriously about moving into a brand new one
> built near me this year.  But I opted [for now] to stay in my single family house
> ...



It might be a good idea to put your name on the waiting list for an apartment in case you decide to sell your home in a year or two.  If they contact you and you are still not ready they will just move your name to the bottom of the list and call again when you reach the top.


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## KingsX (Dec 31, 2017)

Aunt Bea said:


> It might be a good idea to put your name on the waiting list for an apartment in case you decide to sell your home in a year or two.  If they contact you and you are still not ready they will just move your name to the bottom of the list and call again when you reach the top.




Good idea and I did put my name on their list while they were building the newest senior apartments...
but when the time came to apply [which included a $200 application fee]  I chickened out of moving.
I cherish the privacy, independence and convenience my single family home gives me... and since my
house is totally paid off,  I can live here for about the same cost.   Decisions/Decisions !!


.


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## OneEyedDiva (Jan 29, 2018)

Diwundrin said:


> That's me SB. I've just had to make that very decision.
> Like you, I would prefer to stay put, but:-
> 
> Hiring someone trustworthy for home help isn't as easy as it seems. Especially in a smallish town where most fit women work in other towns, or aren't much better off physically than I am, or are transient trailer park types whom I have no means of vetting.  A help wanted ad in the PO would be an invitation to 'case the joint' to some.
> ...



The issues you mention are the very reasons I'm leery when I read or hear about people, especially seniors, moving to remote locations. I've always thought...what if there's an emergency? What if they get very ill and nobody knows it because they are so isolated. Hope you can find a way or another place soon.


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## OneEyedDiva (Jan 29, 2018)

I would see if it would be feasible to go to a senior day care center 5 days a week. There's one right around the corner but they send their van for pick ups.  If that wasn't possible or feasible, I would see about getting a home health aide with an established agency. Still, I've heard horror stories of how aides have been thieves or so lazy they weren't doing what they were supposed to do for the patient.  Someone here posted about another option...living in a small private home set up to care for seniors. Last option would be a nursing home. But my son promised me he'd never see me go to a nursing home. When people work hard and have other responsibilities, caring for an aging parent is not as easily done as one imagines it will be.


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## Lethe200 (Jan 29, 2018)

>>(from Diwundrin) _Independent living in those developments is just that. You own the unit and within neighbourly guidelines can do whatever you want in it.>>

_Ummm....not necessarily, I'm afraid. As I mentioned in a previous post, there are no federal standards for senior housing facilities. So the phrase "anything goes" is apt, here.

In the city where we live (major metro area), most (not all) seniorcare facilities are NOT co-op; e.g., residents do not own any part of the physical property except for their own possessions. 

Instead, the larger facilities offer three levels of care: 
- Independent
- Assisted Living
- Skilled Nursing or Memory Care (separate units; same pricing)

In the eyes of the law, the facilities are only offering 2 levels of care: Asst. and Skilled/Memory. They do this because of cost: rather than having to obtain 3 different licenses (and change the # of units according to who needs what at any given time), it's easier to list every unit that is _not _SNC or MC, as an Asst. Living unit. 

Thus, you can move in at the Independent or Asst. Living level, depending on what care services you want in addition to the basic services that come with the lowest cost rental units. But you don't own any unit you live in. 

There probably are co-op senior living facilities in our area - in fact I'm sure there are - but due to our state's property tax laws it is probably not a popular option for most seniors. So there are going to be great differences between the senior housing in one state vs another; making it difficult to make "apple to apple" comparisons.

Hope that clarifies things a bit.


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## MeAgain (Dec 11, 2018)

Anne said:


> I've been alone too much, with hubby travelling - don't like it at all, but not sure what I'd do...I agree with Jillaroo; a nursing home is like 'the last stop', not much freedom, either, and not for night owls.
> IF I could afford it, I'd have someone come in, or consider an assisted living place.  Guess we never know for sure until we're 'there', but it's worth thinking about.



Assisted living is just the last stop before nursing home. They assist not nurse.
 I think about this often. And hope I can stay at home till they carry me out in a bag. If hubby goes first he feels the same way.
  I hope we can set the place up for old age like wheel chair ramp, hospital beds and whatever. 
   But who knows what kind of power we will have over our lives. 

I read some pretty bad stories about outside help like 'Visiting Angels' and I've heard some good stories about them too. But then I don't feel lucky.

  Ive looked into maybe letting some seniors come here and share the work in garden and chickens and help with the care of passing of each other, but it too has its drawbacks, like once here being 'sick' or just lazy and not doing their share. So no good options so far.


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## MeAgain (Dec 11, 2018)

Wren said:


> I would do anything to stay in my home until the end, health permitting, the thought of going into a residential home scares the hell out of me, I hate the feeling of not being in control like when you get up, what you eat, your personal care.....



Not to speak of the abuse many get from these places. I have heard lots of bad stories of over drugging, leaving you in soiled clothing, and out right beatings then saying you fell. 
  Most of these people make minimum wage and most are not happy. My sister worked in one as a young person for a few weeks and said it is not a good place to be.


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## Tom Young (Dec 12, 2018)

MeAgain said:


> Not to speak of the abuse many get from these places. I have heard lots of bad stories of over drugging, leaving you in soiled clothing, and out right beatings then saying you fell.
> Most of these people make minimum wage and most are not happy. My sister worked in one as a young person for a few weeks and said it is not a good place to be.



Getting older doesn't mean one has to suffer.  Not all Retirement communities are bad or inconsiderate.  
We live in Liberty Village Peru, Illinois.  It's a step by step community that goes from independent living, to assisted living, to nursing home or memory care.  We still live in what they call villas, which are regular homes.  We are now age 82. When we can no longer live there, or when one of us is no longer here,  the next step is independent living, in one of the 65 apartments.  Meals provided and transportation and activities too.  

The complex has a section called "Bounceback" where temporary ilinesses, broken bones etc, are taken care of over a week to a few month period.  

The next step, where one is unable to care for his.her self, is assisted living, which is far, far from the awful things that are often cited.  We know many of the people in assisted living, and socialize with them, for cards, trips, entertainment and things that keep them in the regular society.  Help with medicines, personal care, and functions that are difficult due to arthritis, injury, vision and other longer term problems like Parkinsons.

When life becomes too difficult, there are two 5 unit parts of the complex.  First is the nursing home, and second, "memory lane".

We visit all of these on a regular basis and have found none of the terrible things that are so often cited. Absolutely no fear of the future.

While not a pleasant project, early research on finding the right facility could be one of the most important things a senior could do.

Here's a bit more about our community:

https://www.seniorforums.com/showthread.php/2130-Decisions-Where-to-live-the-CCRC-option


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## David Thompson (May 3, 2019)

Good Job! SeaBreeze
90% of people over age 65 want to stay at home for as long as possible. According to me caregiver is the best option for your loved ones to take care of them and perform other daily necessary tasks. Caregivers offer companionship to the seniors in their care. If your parents’ friends live out of state, your parents may not be as social as they were in the past. Caregivers can join your parents for walks, sit outside in the garden, and join them on shopping trips[FONT=&quot].[/FONT]
Tell me your opinion, that you are thinking @SeaBreeze.


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## Ruthanne (May 4, 2019)

Well, I know I can't afford AL.  I worry about this topic, too~And my pets having someone to care for them should I fall very ill.  I think I would first try to get a home health aide to help me around the place.  If I got very ill I'd probably be put in a nursing home.


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## Keesha (May 9, 2019)

David Thompson said:


> Good Job! SeaBreeze
> 90% of people over age 65 want to stay at home for as long as possible. According to me caregiver is the best option for your loved ones to take care of them and perform other daily necessary tasks. Caregivers offer companionship to the seniors in their care. If your parents’ friends live out of state, your parents may not be as social as they were in the past. Caregivers can join your parents for walks, sit outside in the garden, and join them on shopping trips.
> Tell me your opinion, that you are thinking @SeaBreeze.


Who are Caregivers? Is this a company ?


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## treeguy64 (May 9, 2019)

When I can no longer take care of myself, no longer enjoy my life, I will make my escape from this existence. I cannot understand those who cling to life, greedily, when such a life lacks any meaning, any fun, any activity other than the maintenance of the bare minimum of biological life processes.


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## OneEyedDiva (Aug 4, 2019)

MeAgain said:


> Not to speak of the abuse many get from these places. I have heard lots of bad stories of over drugging, leaving you in soiled clothing, and out right beatings then saying you fell.
> Most of these people make minimum wage and most are not happy. My sister worked in one as a young person for a few weeks and said it is not a good place to be.


This would be another one of my concerns not only in a nursing home but when using a home health aide especially if the aide knows the loved one's visitation schedule. Also when the elderly suffer dementia, abuse can be passed off as either "they fell" or if no bruises, the elderly's demented imagination.


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## Tom Young (Aug 4, 2019)

II  you are concerned about this, you should visit the facility to see for yourself. 
Scare stories like this "I heard that..." should be first hand accounts, and told to authorities. 

How many older people who have been frightened by this, ave stayed home, and lived a sad or shortened life?

We have lived in our CCRC for 14 years and have never seen this kind of abuse.  

Do bad things happen? yes, of course, but struggling to live at home in misery, when good care is available, is wrong, and people who propagate these kinds of stories are doing a disservice to elders who may have many more years of pleasant living with good care.  

We're 83, and hoping to live to 95, like so many of our friends here in Liberty Village.  A busy, active enjoyable life.

Believe what you know, not what you hear!


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## Jamy (Feb 2, 2020)

Exercising at home can help with autonomy. This girl give helpful tips/exercises. She has a few more videos


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## CrackerJack (Feb 4, 2020)

I live in England and Ive lived on my own for five years in the house me and my late husband shared from 1995 to 2015. It hasnt been easy in the practical sense and the terribe grieving to this day but ive coped and still coping.

I was thinking about how i would manage as I got past 76 getting on for 80 and althought not in very poor health have a couple of health issues. I dont relish moving to a smaller house and all the upheaval it will ensue.
I was considering asjlking for advice and help and we have organisations here like AgeNet and others who assist with living independently in one's home
There is a lot of help but having have the mojo and will to seek it isn't always easy when there isn't family or good friends to support us. Its starting to enquire that is difficultfor many including me.

Dont know what its like in the USA Canada and other countries and wonder if there are similar orgs that have free advice and help to offer.


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