# homeless person, or somone similar in need, how far would you personally go to assist them



## Wilberforce (Feb 6, 2017)

I am interested in finding out the answers to a few things, I will start with the following

1.You are approached by a young man in a car park who asks you for loose change would you give it to him

2. You are approached by a young woman in a car park who asks you for loose change , would you give it to her

3. You are approached by an elderly man in a car park who asks you for loose change would you give it to him

4,You are approached by an elderly  lady in a car park who asks you for loose change would you give  it  to her

45 You are approached by a family, husband, wife and 3 small children in a car park  who asks you for loose change would you give it to them

6 You are approached  by two teenagers, I boy I girl  in a car park who ask you for loose change would you give it them

7. You are approached by a child say 10,in a car park who asks you for loose change would you give it to her/him

You can answer simply yes or no to each example or you can explain why you decided.


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## Ruthanne (Feb 6, 2017)

I always give loose change to folks who give me a good reason to give to them unless I am totally out of change and money.


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## Wilberforce (Feb 6, 2017)

So would you give to all the ones I mentioned


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## Ruthanne (Feb 6, 2017)

Yes, if they gave me a reason for it.  That is how I do it-if they give me a good reason.


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## Wilberforce (Feb 6, 2017)

May I ask what a good reason would be also would you refuse for a reason you thought bad and what would that that be, Would you be more likely to give to one example over another


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## Ruthanne (Feb 6, 2017)

Jeannine said:


> May I ask what a good reason would be also would you refuse for a reason you thought bad and what would that that be, Would you be more likely to give to one example over another


I have never refused when someone gave me a reason.  Someone was stranded, another person had to get to a bus, another needed it to get gas for his car and so on.  I guess if someone is honest with me I would give it to them.


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## Shalimar (Feb 6, 2017)

If I have loose change I will give it to any of the above. I have been there.


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## Wilberforce (Feb 6, 2017)

What if they said they needn't it for drugs or smokes


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## Capt Lightning (Feb 6, 2017)

Generally, No to all.  I've been in too many places that have their professional beggars. I've heard all the excuses.  If a neighbour or someone I knew personally was in trouble, that might be different .


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## Ruthanne (Feb 6, 2017)

Jeannine said:


> What if they said they needn't it for drugs or smokes


They won't tell you that because they know you'll say no to that.


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## Wilberforce (Feb 6, 2017)

They do tell me


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## Wilberforce (Feb 6, 2017)

Thank you Captn I won't have any more questions for you then


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## Warrigal (Feb 6, 2017)

I am tempted but I do not give loose change to people who may be professional beggars. I will give to charities such as the Salvos and the Exodus Centre who take care of the homeless. They do excellent work.


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## Aunt Bea (Feb 6, 2017)

In my community we are discouraged from giving handouts to individuals and are encouraged to give funds to the local soup kitchens, missions, etc...  In general I think that is really the best way to go.  I still give money to folks after I size up the situation and am satisfied that the need is IMO genuine.  I try not to give money to professional panhandlers who have better haircuts, clothes, etc... than I have.  I would not hesitate to give a couple of bucks to a person who was honest about needing a drink or a fix more than they needed food or shelter, their pain is very real.  The situations that I normally run into in my life are folks who are short of money in the grocery checkout line, if the purchases look like real food to me I always toss in a couple of bucks to help them out rather than see them have to put things back and if it is a couple of little kids that have been sent to the store I toss in a couple of candy bars.  I'm sure that sometimes I get it wrong and sometimes I get it right as I bumble along, so the short answer to all of your questions is maybe.


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## dpwspringer (Feb 6, 2017)

Loose change... they always want to hit me up for 5, 10, 20, or more dollars. And it depends on the situation and how I feel about things as there are no shortage of people looking for handouts around here. 

The last time might be the last time for me. I was pulling out of the parking lot at the grocery with my car just starting to go forward (that's important for what comes next) when a good sized, as in strong and healthy, middle aged man flagged me down from a row or two over. I stopped to see what he wanted, thinking he had car problems which is something I occasional help people with since I carry a good set of jumper cables. He told me was with his family, was from my home town which is in the neighboring state, had tools in his truck he was willing to sale, and needed money to buy milk and sandwiches for his family. Being from my hometown struck a cord with me so I proceeded to hand him $20. He saw I had more and was trying to work me over for it, even mentioning that he didn't want to have to do something illegal (or something to that effect), and was insisting that I come and look at the tools in his truck. That was when I was glad I was in my car with it in drive and pointing forward because I was feeling a little threatened. But that's the situation you have worry about.


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## rkunsaw (Feb 6, 2017)

I stopped for gas in a nearby town last week and was approached by a man saying he needed to money to buy enough gas to get him to a town 40 or 50 miles away. I found six dollars in my billfold and gave it to him. I don't always do  that, it depends on the mood I'm in and if I  believe  the person.


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## Grumpy Ol' Man (Feb 6, 2017)

Difficult to say, but I never would hand "loose change" to any of the examples given.  Today, we have far too many who prey on other humans that they spoil it for those really in need.  We have people perfectly able to work, collecting government benefit that equal or exceed what others are living on.  Then, they will find a means to "earn" more, off the record, by begging for handouts... selling drugs on the street corner... shoplifting... etc., etc.  
Our community is a caring community.  We have a fairly new and very nice emergency/homeless shelter available to any in need.  We have a huge food pantry, stocked to the gills by food drives.  If someone is actually in need, there are ways to receive basic sustenance and shelter.
We donate food to the local food pantry.  We have hauled many, many pounds of clothes to a local charity's second hand clothing outlet.  I have traveled for years and have delivered many bars of unopened hotel soap, shampoo, conditioner, lotion to the emergency/homeless shelter.  

We have a granddaughter who suffers from severe mental disorders.  She lives/exists by herself in her own apartment.  She does get minimal government subsidies to cover the cost of her rent and utilities.  She has lived on her own for going on two years.  She has found that churches in our community rotate to provide a free, hot meal for those in need every day of the week.  She knows that rotation and eats one good meal daily.  The food pantry can provide her with items to sustain her for the other meals.

This is a young lady 20 years old.  She cannot have a microwave or any food beyond what she will consume at a setting.  Her first microwave was ripe with spoiled food she thought she was putting in the refrigerator instead.  Dirty dishes will set until they are crawling with maggots.  We've had to trash a microwave, remove any and all dishes, and hire a cleaning agency to go in weekly to clean her apartment.  The cleaning service was employed after the apartment complex called and said their anti-pest company would not enter the apartment due to the bugs and maggots.  It's been a learning experience.  She is healthy, physically, and has established a daily routine.  Her mind will never be right.  She does not draw a cash assistance from the government.  If she did, it would be spent within the first few minutes after receipt on things like finger nail polish, McDonalds, etc.  (When she moved into her apartment, our one daughter gave her a $50 McDonald's gift card assuming she would have meals for a number of days.  She used that card an hour later... in full... with most of what she bought spoiling in her apartment.)  She does not accost people asking for money.  She does not stand on the street corner begging.  She utilizes the facilities that our community have made available to those ACTUALLY in need.  

Before handing a dime to someone begging, I would offer call the local emergency shelter and see that transportation to the facility was provided to them.


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## Ray (Feb 6, 2017)

Warrigal said:


> I am tempted but I do not give loose change to people who may be professional beggars. I will give to charities such as the Salvos and the Exodus Centre who take care of the homeless. They do excellent work.



That makes a lot of sense. There are agencies that can assist such people improve their lives. Merely giving money to the individual only maintains then in that life.


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## debbie in seattle (Feb 6, 2017)

I don't give.    I was sitting at a light one day and this gal had her sign out, cigarette in hand begging.    A woman behind me handed her a see through bag that had a banana and sandwich.   The gal took it, looked at it threw it on the ground and walked back to her sign and continued begging.   If I hadn't seen it myself, would of never believed it.


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## NancyNGA (Feb 6, 2017)

Most often I get asked for money for gasoline.  If we are not already at one, I tell them to meet me at the nearest gas station, and I pay for some gas.  One time, out of maybe 4 or 5 times, the  person disappeared.  I learned this method from a friend.  Works for other things too.


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## Capt Lightning (Feb 6, 2017)

It's remarkable how many of these beggars / scroungers have dogs.  I've heard it said that puppies or old dogs are the best for conning gullible people out of their hard earned cash.  When the dog have served their purpose they are swapped for new ones.  Well, how can they afford to keep dogs if they have no money?  The dogs are simply 'props'.

I never give beggars money, and if they get aggressive, they soon regret it.


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## RadishRose (Feb 6, 2017)

I have given a few dollars when asked, but this has only happened to me a few times.

A woman I know told me her husband was once driving past a man who held a sign: "Will work for food". Hubby stopped, invited the man to help rake leaves in their yard and the beggar refused, saying he just wanted a few dollars if that was possible!

A few months ago, while driving past the side of a Wendy's Burgers on the way into a shopping area, I saw a man in the drive-through hand a Wendy's bag out of his car window to a man who was on foot. The following week I was there again and saw the man who was on foot now sitting on the curb behind the Wendy's with a cardboard sign  that read "need food".

Where I live and where I go, I generally don't see beggars. If a person asks and doesn't seem aggressive, I'll give him/her something. It may be for food, bus fare, shoes, cigarettes, illegal drugs- anything, but I don't expect a beggar to be honest if it's for something illegal, so I might as well just give a few bucks or some change. You never know.


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## Knight (Feb 6, 2017)

I would give loose change to any and all of the ones listed, professional beggars or not. Loose change as opposed to pulling out my wallet to hand over paper money won't make any difference since I don't accumulate a pocket full of change.


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## jujube (Feb 6, 2017)

The "corner beggars" in my area are well-organized, being picked up by vans at the end of the day.  This is a business, as far as I am concerned, and not a business I support.

I choose to support the charities that provide help to the needy.  On occasion, I have given money directly to people. Two extreme examples:

A cleanly-dressed woman approached me in a shopping center parking lot, saying that she had come out without her purse and was out of gas.  Would I give her $2 to get enough gas to get home.  She said she was very embarrassed to have to ask.  I reached in my pocket and found $3, which I gave her.  Then I went into the store.  When I came out, I saw her being picked up by a man in a car.  As I was pulling out, I saw them drive by and I was behind them leaving the parking lot.  They immediately pulled into a liquor store, got out and went in.  Needed gas, my a$$.....

Another time, I was approached by a youngish man who said he was hitchhiking on the highway, trying to get home to a Midwest city which was coincidentally my home town.  He said he needed 47 more cents to buy a hamburger.  We spoke for a few minutes and then I handed him a $5 bill.  He thanked me profusely and kissed my hand, telling me I was a true lady and an angel.  I saw him walking into the McDonald's so I'm pretty sure he was going to actually buy food.  

That said, I'd probably be a sucker for a woman wanting money for her children's food.


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## Lon (Feb 6, 2017)

This was a first for me but last week as I came out of a Walgreen's Pharmacy there was a old (looked old) bearded man sitting on a bench, No sign and didn't have his hand out or say anything. I handed him a handful of bills from my pocket and he nodded his thanks. I can't  believe I did that because I usually ignore all beggers


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## RadishRose (Feb 6, 2017)

How do you know he was a beggar?


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## Wilberforce (Feb 6, 2017)

Thank you for all the answers so far, for those who said no I have no more questions but appreciate your input.

Aunt Bea, interesting that you said you would give for any reason even a fix, as that was going to be ne of my questions.



 So, if anyone of the cases I mentioned in my first post asked if you would take them for a meal what would you do?  Let us presume for the moment there was no available charity facility they could go to.


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## applepie_luvr (Feb 6, 2017)

Great topic! Scary stuff dpwspringer. We don't have a lot of panhandlers in small town Canada.  You do see transients with signs in the summer months looking for money. I normally reply with a "can I buy you a burger, sandwich, and coffee". They always decline. I give more than I should to the homeless via the Salvation Army.


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## Lon (Feb 6, 2017)

RadishRose said:


> How do you know he was a beggar?


 I didn't know and it didn't matter. From the way he was dressed and the cuts on his face I figure he was in need.


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## Wilberforce (Feb 6, 2017)

Those who give to charities etc are to be commended, I myself work at a church meal service and cook each week but the questions were not about referring folks to them. I also know several people who live alone with a bit of help under etreme circumstance but it is not what I wanted to find out.

It started  among volunteers as a conversation in regard to a homeless shelter, there are many folks who will not go to them for reasons I will not go into here and it was wondered just how many people would respond to people in different situations asking for money and this is what I am trying to find out.

Some of you have answered that they would not give under any circumstances, others  have said they would if they were sure of the reason, and a few have said they would without any need to know etc, one or two even gave more than was asked for. Some said no because they believe that some people make a living out of begging and feel that they don't deserve it, and many have said there are other ways of getting help.

My personal view which I haven't said yet s that yes I would give the change, if I had none I would give a few dollars. I would not care what they needed it for, if their immediate need was a fix I could not withhold the cash for that reason, it is their immediate need and I feel certain it is dire.

If someone asked me to take them for a meal, yes I would take them and I would eat with them. 

The conversation we had the other night went further..folks asked what if the person wanted a shower would you allow them into your home, or if it was snowy and the shelters were full would you let them sleep in your house.

It was a very interesting conversation which went much further than loose change.

 I think "there but for the Grace of God goes I' and I try to live up to that, I haven't been tested on some of the points mentioned above yet but it makes one think.


So maybe at this point I should say " how far would you go" remember one of choices I gave was a family and another was a child alone. so what would we do in those situations.


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## Capt Lightning (Feb 6, 2017)

When my elder daughter was studying for her Phd at York uni, she used to visit the cathedral grounds for a bit of relaxation.  She said that on a number of occasions a, presumably well meaning, lady offered to buy her a meal - which she declined.  Having won a full scholarship which paid for all her expenses,  she was already well provided for.   (saved mum and dad a small fortune!)


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## Wilberforce (Feb 6, 2017)

Interesting but I don't get the point you are making


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## Aunt Bea (Feb 6, 2017)

At this point in my life I would not offer a stranger a shower or a night in my apartment.  When I was young I did have some semi homeless friends that did _couch surf _among my circle of friends and it was no big deal.  In our city when the weather is bad the homeless are encouraged to spend the night in the lobbies of public buildings and when it gets extremely cold it is a state requirement to try to round up the homeless and provide a warm place to wait out the cold.  That law has become very controversial and I believe that now the police and shelter workers only go as far as offering to take people to a warm place. 

If I came across a very young person, small child, in need I would call 911 and get a patrol car.  If it was an older child, young adult, I would treat them the same way I would treat an adult in a similar situation.

One of the constant needs in my area, among the homeless, is the need for laundry money/laundry supplies.  The local soup kitchen that I donate to appreciates plastic sandwich bags or yogurt containers filled with a one load scoop of detergent and a supply of quarters and dimes that they can give out to pay for a load of laundry.  I have to admit that I'm generous and lazy so I give them the detergent, a box of sandwich bags and a couple rolls of change so they can have a volunteer measure the detergent and dole out the exact change.

If everybody does a little nobody will need to do a lot!


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## RadishRose (Feb 6, 2017)

Lon said:


> I didn't know and it didn't matter. From the way he was dressed and the cuts on his face I figure he was in need.




Good for you, Lon!


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## Capt Lightning (Feb 6, 2017)

Jeannine said:


> Interesting but I don't get the point you are making



My daughter was slightly insulted because someone thought that she needed 'charity'.  

As an athiest I  feel uncomfortable with this notion of  "There but for the grace of god"   etc...   Looking at this logically, if the "grace of god"  placed you in a favourable position,  then those less fortunate must have not been favoured with this "grace".  So, is this god randomly dishing out good fortune to some, but not to others?

This all sounds too much like my mother who blindly asserted that things were "just god's way",  but could never explain why .


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## Wilberforce (Feb 6, 2017)

I understand now and I can se her point, thank you

Re the biblical phrase, it is one of those things that can be interpreted differently, while I can see your reasoning it is not what I believe but there is the difference between a believer and a non believer and PLEASE do not read that as me feeling I am  better than you, it's not, we just believe different things, not one better than the other.


Aunt Bea, yes I can understand your reply too, there is no doubt that age and heath can play a part in the decisions we have to make. Personally I expect   few overnight visitors even from family these days as I no longer  have the space and would not bring someone home to stay in the main house as my daughter and her husband live there so I would not be able to make that choice.. What I would probably do if I was asked for that particular favor  by a family would probably    take them to a motel and pay for a couple of nights. If a child I would stay with it or go into a café and call the authorities immediately. To be truthful though my first thoughts would want to take them home.


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## Aunt Bea (Feb 6, 2017)

Capt Lightning said:


> My daughter was slightly insulted because someone thought that she needed 'charity'.
> 
> As an athiest I  feel uncomfortable with this notion of  "There but for the grace of god"   etc...   Looking at this logically, if the "grace of god"  placed you in a favourable position,  then those less fortunate must have not been favoured with this "grace".  So, is this god randomly dishing out good fortune to some, but not to others?
> 
> This all sounds too much like my mother who blindly asserted that things were "just god's way",  but could never explain why .



Capt,

Your post reminded me of the story of an old Indian Chief on the Niagara frontier and a young Jesuit Priest that had been sent to convert the pagan Indians to Christianity.  The Chief and some members of the tribe took the young Priest out into the river, in a canoe, to give him a close up view of Niagara Falls.  The Indians had paddled too close to the falls and the current was pulling them closer and closer to the rocks at the base of the falls.  The young Priest shouted _"put your faith in the Lord!" _and the old Indian Chief yelled _"put your faith in the Lord and your backs into those paddles, row away from the rocks!"

_I'm not an atheist, I'm more like the old Indian Chief!  IMO you and your daughter should not be offended if someone sees you outside of a church and offers you a meal_,_ it may have been intended as an act of fellowship and not an act of charity.


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## Wilberforce (Feb 6, 2017)

Fabulous tale Aunt Bea. Thank you for sharing that.


 I would not have reacted as Capn's daughter did but I can understand why a young person might .. all is well..all is well.. and truth be told I too would have rowed hard  as well as relying on  my faith.


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 6, 2017)

I gave a lot more to panhandlers or homeless people on the streets when I was younger, I still give sometimes if I sense some sincerity and don't suspect they're scammers.  A lot of people these days do this for a living and aren't even homeless.

When I give it doesn't matter their age or sex at all, why that would matter to some, I don't know.  I was never asked for money on the street by a young child, but if I did we'd need to have a conversation of why they need the money, where their guardian is, and if I suspected they were in need of help I'd call 911....wouldn't feel good about giving a strange child money, something wrong there if parents aren't nearby.

 I never asked the people what they needed the money for, but a couple of times they made it clear that it was for gas or bus fare.  Once when I was younger I was gassing up my car after work and this teenager asked me for change for bus fare.  I only had a quarter in my pocket and that's what I gave to him.  He made an angry face and got snotty with me, raising his voice and telling me that ain't enough for no bus fare!  In turn I raised my voice and told him that he better get a job then.   I don't think I ever gave more than $5 to a person in the street, but  I do give larger amounts to local food banks, shelters and other charities on occasion.


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## Ruthanne (Feb 6, 2017)

Jeannine said:


> They do tell me


Well, I suppose if they told me drugs or smokes I might give them some change for some smokes but not the drugs.


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## Ruthanne (Feb 6, 2017)

Jeannine said:


> They do tell me


Well, I suppose if they told me drugs or smokes I might give them some change for some smokes but not the drugs.

I know they may not be honest with me but I like to think they would be.


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## RadishRose (Feb 7, 2017)

As far as taking someone for a meal, do you mean in my car? For a female, I would.  A child, absolutely- along with a phone call to the Dept. of Children's Services and/or the police. 

Because of the sad and terrifying fact that there are many men who want to hurt and kill women, I would not take a teenage or fully adult male into my car nor would I walk any distance with them. 

I wouldn't take any teenager or full grown adult home to spend the night with me, but I wouldn't leave the side of a child until a protective authority could take over. If there was no other shelter, I would drive a minor teenage girl to the local police station.


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## Capt Lightning (Feb 7, 2017)

Yes, I understand that "there but for the grace..." is a much used phrase - not necessarily religious , more a "Be thankful for what you have..".

I was brought up in a Presbyterian household, and my mother especially, suffered from 'Blind faith' - never questioning anything.  Things were the way they were.  In my eyes, this was her greatest fault - the reluctance (or inability) to logically question things.  From an early age, I found I could easily out-argue my parents, and that just made them mad.  My mother was the sort who would give to anyone she thought was in need, but what did it buy her family? (that's rhetorical )  In the end, the cracks started to show in her stoic shell and I think she felt bitter that life had not dealt her a better hand.

So, I was determined that I wouldn't go down that route.  Help the genuinely needy- yes, but remove the scroungers and parasites from streets.
I will not give to any of these 'beggars' - but I will (and do) give to organisations like the Salvation Army.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Feb 7, 2017)

One day last summer while I was waiting at a traffic light, I saw a very young (maybe 15 or 16?) boy standing next to the road with a sign "Homeless and hungry. Too scared to steal." I had $3 in my pocket and gave it to him.


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## Sunny (Feb 7, 2017)

For a long time, we had many panhandlers standing (dangerously) in the middle of traffic intersections, seeking a handout when people stopped for a red light. Some of them had signs with stories about being homeless, etc. I made a practice of giving a dollar or two if they were obviously disabled (such as having only one leg).  If they look ablebodied, I usually don't give them anything. Maybe some are on the level, others are just scam artists.

For a while a few of them were having a brief "war" about whose corner it was!  They actually left signs asking people not to give to the other guy.

Haven't seen any of them for a while now. I wonder if it's illegal, and the police are cracking down. My main objection to them is that they are a distraction to drivers.


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## debbie in seattle (Feb 7, 2017)

Capt Lightning said:


> It's remarkable how many of these beggars / scroungers have dogs.  I've heard it said that puppies or old dogs are the best for conning gullible people out of their hard earned cash.  When the dog have served their purpose they are swapped for new ones.  Well, how can they afford to keep dogs if they have no money?  The dogs are simply 'props'.
> 
> I never give beggars money, and if they get aggressive, they soon regret it.



not only dogs, cigarettes or a cell phone?


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## Aunt Bea (Feb 7, 2017)

I don't mean to sound like Pollyanna but I see the dogs, that some homeless people travel with, as filling a need for companionship, friendship, unconditional love and something to care for that is more important than themselves.


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## angelica (Feb 7, 2017)

No I would not give loose change!


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 7, 2017)

Aunt Bea said:


> I don't mean to sound like Pollyanna but I see the dogs, that some homeless people travel with, as filling a need for companionship, friendship, unconditional love and something to care for that is more important than themselves.



I know that's true in some cases Bea, but I think sometimes they just use anybody's dog as a sympathy aid.  I always get angry when I see them begging for money with a dog, no water bowl or anything in the heat of summer.  I once gave a guy with a German Shepherd some money and told him to make sure that dog got some cans of food out of it, but what I said likely meant nothing, he'd agree to anything to get the cash.

I'm an animal lover, and it breaks my heart to see dogs put in that position.  A good person who falls on hard times and is truly homeless and needy, I can see them wanting to keep their pet with them, I'd do the same.  I wish they would have shelters that accepted the person's pet too, any homeless person who loved their pet would be more likely to use the shelter instead of the street.  The ones who really didn't have a strong bond with their pets should give them to a no kill shelter, the animal would be better off.


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## Butterfly (Feb 7, 2017)

RadishRose said:


> As far as taking someone for a meal, do you mean in my car? For a female, I would.  A child, absolutely- along with a phone call to the Dept. of Children's Services and/or the police.
> 
> Because of the sad and terrifying fact that there are many men who want to hurt and kill women, I would not take a teenage or fully adult male into my car nor would I walk any distance with them.
> 
> I wouldn't take any teenager or full grown adult home to spend the night with me, but I wouldn't leave the side of a child until a protective authority could take over. If there was no other shelter, I would drive a minor teenage girl to the local police station.



Radish Rose, I agree with you.  I've had a couple scary experiences with aggressive panhandlers, and I would never in a million years take someone I didn't know in my car or into my home.  The police safety people here strongly advise that that can be fatal.   It might be different where others live, but here, just no.


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