# What are you going to do when you can no longer live alone?



## fuzzybuddy (Apr 27, 2019)

I am going back to live in my home on Wednesday. I'm 73 and in a wheelchair. Right now, I live in a "Senior Home". The question is how long can I continue to live at home. Sooner or later, the day is coming when I can't be by myself. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. I'm not rich, nor do I have scads of nieces, grand daughters, who will take me in , and care for me. As unpleasant as it is, what are you going to do when you can no longer live alone?


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## retiredtraveler (Apr 27, 2019)

Assisted living for us. We're planning on leaving our house in the next 5 years to transition to a regular apartment (assuming we're both in reasonable health). If our health deteriorates, there are lots of assisted living places in the Chicago area.


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## RadishRose (Apr 27, 2019)

I don't know. I was an only child, have only one son and 2 grandsons; none of whom can take me. Probably end up in a State subsidized Home. I do own my condo which any proceeds of sale will go to the State for my care.


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## CeeCee (Apr 27, 2019)

If I can last 3-4 years, the plan is to move.

My daughter and SIL plan on downsizing and maybe even moving out of CA once the youngest finishes high school.  They are looking at homes with a casita or mother in law dwelling on the property and that’s where I plan to move.

If for whatever reason I don’t last 3-4 years I’ll move into the room I use at their house now when I visit.  It has a bathroom and a small balcony that overlooks the front courtyard.

Its very nice but it’s still in their house and I prefer being separate...but I’m grateful for whatever they provide.


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## RadishRose (Apr 27, 2019)

You'll last a LOT longer than that, Cee Cee :triumphant:! It's good you have a loving daughter and other family.


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## CeeCee (Apr 27, 2019)

RadishRose said:


> You'll last a LOT longer than that, Cee Cee :triumphant:! It's good you have a loving daughter and other family.



Thanks!  I’m hoping I will but you never know...and I don’t mean just dying but an illness where I can’t take care of myself, etc.


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## StarSong (Apr 27, 2019)

If DH and I can no longer manage our house we'll likely do what RetiredTraveler outlined.  Move to a senior apartment complex and eventually to an assisted living facility. 

CeeCee, I think you've got a terrific solution in the making!


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## RadishRose (Apr 27, 2019)

Fuzzy, there are Medicare and health care and if you can't afford it, social/state services who can provide homemaking/personal care services for several hours per day, for free!

You can also look into hiring your own daily, part-time carer who can be subsidized by social services if he or she is qualified and you can't afford it.

I noticed you said you had no (female) family who could help you (grandaughters, nieces).... don't discount male assistance. Caring is not relegated only to women.

If you get to the point where you have to really worry, contact your local Dept. of Ageing. 
You're going to be ok.


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## Aunt Bea (Apr 27, 2019)

I'm hoping that I can just drift away but I'm preparing to go to assisted living and beyond.







Why are you leaving the _home_, it sounds like the perfect solution to me.

Good luck, fb.


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## Garydavid (Apr 27, 2019)

Just don't bump into my balloon on the way, ok


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## tortiecat (Apr 27, 2019)

I'll worry about that when the time comes.
I live in a Senior's residence, in my own
apartment, independently (so far). There is
a care floor for those needing more help with
meals, meds, etc. Is it for me? Time will tell.


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## Garydavid (Apr 27, 2019)

Not leaving home yet but that balloon looked like.the way to leave


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## AZ Jim (Apr 27, 2019)

I am 82 and since losing the love of my life, my wife of 47 years I am living alone.  I am a little disabled so it's not always easy.  If anything more happens health wise, I am in real trouble...


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## Ruth n Jersey (Apr 27, 2019)

If I should out live my hubby I'd love to stay in my own home for awhile. My son comes often and takes care of the maintenance of our home. I don't want to depend on him to do that forever. My daughter has mentioned many times that I will be welcome in their home but I'm leery of that because my son in law is in the military and could be moved at any time. I'd like to live on my own near them but could be left stranded in an area I no little about. I try not to stress about it because I know they will care for me.


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## Falcon (Apr 27, 2019)

I doubt  if  I'll  ever live  alone.  One of  my  adult  sons  is  living  with me here.  And I like the arrangement.


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## Lethe200 (Apr 27, 2019)

Well....that's why DH and I are beginning to visit the senior living facilities around our area. There are a lot to choose from - the upside of living in a thriving urban area. Costs are high and services vary, so a lot to consider/compare.

We did a lot of retirement planning in our late 40's and 50's. MIL helped us a lot - she lived with us for seven years - so when she passed away unexpectedly, her assets doubled our modest portfolio which gave us the "breathing room" we needed to feel more secure against inflation. We like to travel a regular "circuit" around Northern CA and in 10 yrs of retirement we've seen travel/food costs rise at least 35-45%.

We have very generous LTCi policies so we have the option of just moving to a condo rental for a while. We could use home healthcare services to assist since the policies pay for 50% of the cost (they are older policies; new LTCi policies pay 100% of daily benefit). We have friends who can be trusted to be good tenants for our current SFH so renting it out would be no problem. Our home is paid off but with the so-called 'tax reform' changes ending in 3 yrs, would rather wait to see what Congress does before deciding whether to sell.

We got the LTCi policies because after doing a budget and starting our retirement planning, it was obvious that a serious disability/illness to one of us, even with our very good retiree health insurance, could easily cause financial distress to the other spouse. 

With no kids we felt it best to have a solid "back-up plan". I do have family nearby but the next generation is stressed with the "sandwich" issue of small kids/aging parents who didn't plan well. Didn't want to add to their issues!

BTW, I don't think it's accurate to say "Medicare will help". Medicare does very little in regards to senior living. If you are thinking of Skilled Care, aka Nursing/Convalescent, Medicare pays only 120 days IF you go straight from the hospital under doctor's orders. 

Medicare will NOT pay if you are in the hospital "Under Observation" before being transferred to a SC facility, no matter how many days you spend in the hospital. You must actually be admitted to the hospital as a patient. 

If you need Skilled Care long-term, that is what *state Medicaid *programs pay, not Medicare. Thus you are reliant upon what your state of domicile's program will pay for, not Medicare.  

Neither Medicare nor Medicaid generally pays for Assisted Living, only Skilled Care/Convalescent.


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## norman (Apr 27, 2019)

This is a real concern, I think about it quite often.  My daughter who always handled all my businness and legal issues moved away to be close to her daughter.  I still drive, mow my own yard and get along very well, but that could change in a second.   We decided that we would never send our parents to a nursing home and it damn near killed us taking care of them.   Having visited many nursing homes I think I would rather just sew a cyanide capsule in my lip and just choose my own exit time.  With my luck I would probably be enjoying a pepperoni pizza at Pizza Hut and crunch  down on the damn thing.  Strange as it may sound I have never discussed my final exit with my daughter.    :yoda:


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## AZ Jim (Apr 27, 2019)

I don't mind admitting it, I am alone and scared.


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## Lara (Apr 27, 2019)

Aww...hugs Jim. I don't even want to think about it. My children all say I have nothing to worry about and that they want to take care of me but I don't want to burden them. I want pancreatic cancer like my 93 yr old mother had. She was healthy and independent until she got it and only lasted 5 months. Hospice stepped in as soon as she got it and helped as well as her 3 daughters until the end. It was a fast cancer and she refused treatment for it due to age.


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## Butterfly (Apr 27, 2019)

Lara said:


> Aww...hugs Jim. I don't even want to think about it. My children all say I have nothing to worry about and that they want to take care of me but I don't want to burden them. I want pancreatic cancer like my 93 yr old mother had. She was healthy and independent until she got it and only lasted 5 months. Hospice stepped in as soon as she got it and helped as well as her 3 daughters until the end. It was a fast cancer and she refused treatment for it due to age.



Ooooh, Lara, I'd never ask for cancer.  How 'bout a nice quick fatal heart attack or, even better, just dying in your sleep?

My mother lived only about 5 months after her cancer diagnosis, but it was a HARD five months.


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## Trade (Apr 28, 2019)




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## Lara (Apr 28, 2019)

Thank you Butterfly. I figure I'm never lucky enough to get my first choice. I want to put a laughing emoji next to that but the thread is just too sad. But don't get me wrong...it's a good thread and needed...just uncomfortable to face the thought of pain.


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## norman (Apr 28, 2019)

:drinking:  ..............         





Trade said:


>


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 28, 2019)

If my husband passed and I lived alone, I'd want to stay in my own home until the end if possible.  I would hire someone to come in and help with house or yard work, or assist with any personal things I needed to take care of.  If bringing someone in was no longer an option, then I would seek a reasonably priced assisted living apartment.  But I'd exhaust all avenues to help remain in my own home.


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## Sunny (Apr 28, 2019)

I love the seniors-only community I live in, the only problem being that it's independent living only. Those who need assistance usually either end up moving to an assisted living facility (we have many around here, some of them pretty nice), or hiring a caregiver, usually for a few hours a day. I suppose when the time comes, I'll do one of those things. 

Another solution is the time-honored one of turning to your children. One friend of mine and her husband, living independently but not being able to afford retirement, solved their problem by buying a duplex home with one of their daughters. The daughter and her family live upstairs, the parents live in the downstairs apartment. But they had to move to a completely strange community to do this. They're still adjusting.

No easy answers here for anyone; nobody really likes the thought of being old and helpless.


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## norman (Apr 28, 2019)

I was part of a conversation very simular to this video, I did not throw them out of the house, but have often thought how difficult it must have been for my children to come to the person that had always been strong and  never needed advise.   .............The person who coined the phrase,  "The Golden Years" should be made to, walk the plank. lol :drinking:       





Trade said:


>


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## JustBonee (Apr 28, 2019)

Sunny said:


> I love the seniors-only community I live in, the only problem being that it's independent living only. Those who need assistance usually either end up moving to an assisted living facility (we have many around here, some of them pretty nice), or hiring a caregiver, usually for a few hours a day.




My senior community is the same, only independent living.  Many I've talked to say they hire a housekeeper to come in a few days a week to clean and/or make meals for them.


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## C'est Moi (Apr 28, 2019)

SeaBreeze said:


> If my husband passed and I lived alone, I'd want to stay in my own home until the end if possible.  I would hire someone to come in and help with house or yard work, or assist with any personal things I needed to take care of.  If bringing someone in was no longer an option, then I would seek a reasonably priced assisted living apartment.  But I'd exhaust all avenues to help remain in my own home.



Ditto.   My soon-to-be 85 year old MIL is still living alone in her own home.   She has Visiting Angels checking on her daily and my husband and his siblings also check on her every day.


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## WhatInThe (Apr 28, 2019)

Retirement homes are too pricey. Assisted living or the medical wings are even more expensive. I'd rather pay extra insurance or weekly cash for an in home care giver. Sometime home care is covered including some light cleaning if recommended by a doctor. I hear just for non medical treatment home care is about $25$ an hour. 

Insurers want people out of long term care facilities and investors are starting view them as a dead end because of the push for more home care.


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## fuzzybuddy (Apr 28, 2019)

Well, I'm leaving the Senior Home for two reasons. First it's damn expensive. Sooner or later, I'm going to run out of money. Secondly, I'm just vegetating here. I sleep most of the day. I can take care of all of my needs. They do give me my medication, but there's nothing they do for me that I can't do for myself. I want to get back in control of my own life again.
RR. I have a problem. I am too poor to be rich, and too rich to be poor. So I'm caught in the middle. And you noticed that I mentioned only female relatives, who might take me in. Daughters take in dads & moms. Sons visit them at the home. I'm a nurse. I don't remember 1 case where a son took in a parent. I guess it's a male thing.


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## Leann (Apr 28, 2019)

My response will hit a number of the topics on this site. 

My house does have stairs to the basement which is where the washer and dryer are located but other than that, all of the other rooms are on the same floor. So I do have to use the stairs to do laundry which isn't an issue right now but will likely become one as I get older.

When I purchased my home 5 years ago, it was in dire need of updating. I've invested a lot of money (I guess saying "a lot" is relative to one's financial picture and since I'm not wealthy, it seemed like a substantial amount to me) in repairs and updates with more work needed at some point in the future. I did this because I love the community in which I live and I hope to stay in my house for at least another decade (I'm 63 now).

I have taken out a long-term care policy in the event I need such.

I'm divorced and the prospects of meeting anyone where I live are almost non-existent. I live in a small town that has so much to offer in every other way but not so much in terms of dating. So, I accept that I'll probably be single for the remainder of my life. 

This all adds up to what I hope my future will be which is living independently into my 70s (maybe 75) then moving to an apartment in a retirement community then to assisted living if I need that for the remaining years.

I have wonderful family but I made myself a silent promise a long time ago not to become their responsibility.


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## WhatInThe (Apr 28, 2019)

fuzzybuddy said:


> Well, I'm leaving the Senior Home for two reasons. First it's damn expensive. Sooner or later, I'm going to run out of money. Secondly, I'm just vegetating here. I sleep most of the day. I can take care of all of my needs. They do give me my medication, but there's nothing they do for me that I can't do for myself. I want to get back in control of my own life again.
> RR. I have a problem. I am too poor to be rich, and too rich to be poor. So I'm caught in the middle. And you noticed that I mentioned only female relatives, who might take me in. Daughters take in dads & moms. Sons visit them at the home. I'm a nurse. I don't remember 1 case where a son took in a parent. I guess it's a male thing.



The people I've known who went in to one of those places wound up waiting to pass to the point where their personality changed. Too many have been groomed, brainwashed or actually taught to accept their final days should be in a senior home like it's their duty or something. Regardless of what these 'homes' or 'communities' as many call themselves now say they wind up warehousing seniors not delivering or motivating for all those activities they promised would help keep them going.

I've seen adult children take in or live with their senior parents but again certain families or circles that's a no no. Some parents don't want to bog down their children and others had such a poor relationship they'll never get the offer. Some kids don't want anything medical or sanitary to do.  Most are in between, an adult child senior parent relationship takes work needs regular attention. I know people now suffering the consequences of either a poor child-parent relationship and definitely strained adult child senior relationship. One person an adult child told them they didn't even want them moving near them-said/excuse was the area isn't senior friendly which in reality it is but wouldn't be until they leave the grounds of the facility. They then decided to move into a distant senior home making it more difficult for visits from most. Very grumpy and chippy since but not a surprise to outsiders.


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## Manatee (Apr 28, 2019)

AZ Jim said:


> I am 82 and since losing the love of my life, my wife of 47 years I am living alone.  I am a little disabled so it's not always easy.  If anything more happens health wise, I am in real trouble...



The Maricopa county Sheriff's office has what is called the R.U.O.K. program. They phone you every day at the time you specify to make sure you are all right.  If you don't answer someone will be dispatched to check on you.


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## Aneeda72 (Apr 29, 2019)

We are making those future plans now.  It seems to be a race to see which of us wins death first, leaving the other alone.  For so long we thought it would be me, but now he is in the “running”.  We will sell our new house of three years near the end of summer and move into an apartment.  We have chosen which one.

When one of us dies, the other will downsize to a smaller apartment in the same complex, or at least I will for financial reasons.  Our oldest son will help us as much as possible, and once we are gone he will keep tract of our disabled sons.  Assisted living will be too expensive for me, but my husband could afford it for him.  I will limp along as best I can.

When it becomes necessary, my oldest son will help.  I will never live in a nursing home.  Assisted living would be ok if I had the money.  But, honestly, I take prednisone.  I would die without it; so easy way if push comes to shove.

fuzzybuddy, my brother had our mother live with him and his wife for a while,  but she prefers her own place.  She lives in a senior complex, not assisted living and is 94 years old.  My son has offered to let me move in with him should I need to, and, lol, my youngest son would like me to live in his group home.

My daughter prefers I live with my son since her daughter and her granddaughter live with her.


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## fmdog44 (Apr 30, 2019)

Having witnessed my dad living in a "place" for seniors with Alzheimer's was a wake up call. Now everything with me is fine. Keep in mind moving in to assisted living means you will be forever surrounded by strangers and death as the residents die off. I have lived a happy life and will never die off gradually in a place I don't want to be and with people I don't know. If I live a long life I (we) face not being able to drive among a list of other things. I don't believe suicide is still viewed as a cheap way out. Living only to maintain a functioning body is not living. Life without joy, laughter and happiness is not life in my mind and soul. I imagine most of us have been in hospitals and for me it is not a pleasant experience as it is full of people suffering from one thing or another. Life has been good to me and so I can choose for death to be good to me as well.


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## fmdog44 (Apr 30, 2019)

Manatee said:


> The Maricopa county Sheriff's office has what is called the R.U.O.K. program. They phone you every day at the time you specify to make sure you are all right.  If you don't answer someone will be dispatched to check on you.



That is a great idea.


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## Marie5656 (Apr 30, 2019)

*Was discussing this with my brother this morning.  My niece, who lives about 50 miles from me, has a home with a MIL apartment attached, and she has said I am always welcome.  Not sure I want to move out there.   My plan is to stay here as long as I can, and then move to some sort of senior living. Assisted living or something.  I just do not want my niece feeling obligated to take care of me.*


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## debbie in seattle (Apr 30, 2019)

I am going to move in with my daughter who lives in Scottsdale, Az., and living the single life and lovin’ it.   Seriously, I don’t have a clue.   Good to dream though.


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## Malika (Aug 10, 2019)

fuzzybuddy said:


> I am going back to live in my home on Wednesday. I'm 73 and in a wheelchair. Right now, I live in a "Senior Home". The question is how long can I continue to live at home. Sooner or later, the day is coming when I can't be by myself. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. I'm not rich, nor do I have scads of nieces, grand daughters, who will take me in , and care for me. As unpleasant as it is, what are you going to do when you can no longer live alone?


I am going to will myself to always be able to care for myself. I have NO ONE who will care for me if something happens. I pray The Good Lord will call me home before I become dependent on others. There is no others


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## Lethe200 (Aug 11, 2019)

>> Regardless of what these 'homes' or 'communities' as many call themselves now say they wind up warehousing seniors not delivering or motivating for all those activities they promised would help keep them going. >>

How sad that some of you have not had some of the good experiences my DH and I have had with senior facilities. I suppose it's one of the advantages of living in a major metropolitan area, the good places are *really *good. But they are costly, so one needs to be able to afford them.

The full-care senior facility we chose for my MIL was wonderful. Beautiful 5-acre secure campus, amazing staff, great food and lots of good activities. MIL had her choice: view of the San Francisco Bay and GG Bridge, or view of the East Bay hills (all apts had views and tons of light). She chose the hills; she could see the church nearby our home where she had lived with us for 7 years; we were only 10 minutes away driving time on the streets.

She was happier living there than either by herself (she did that for 6 yrs after husband died) or with us. She made several new friends and became a bocce ball whiz at the age of 85! The staff adored her; four years after her death one of them still keeps a photo of MIL and the staffer posing together, on the wall in her office.

She was social but didn't make many close friendships except with a few. But she enjoyed just casually chatting with people in the elevator, or in exercise class or bingo games. We were touched and surprised how many residents we didn't know, came up to us afterwards to tell us how much they missed seeing her cheerful greetings and smiles.  

We picked this facility after much research and multiple visits, to be sure the culture was right for her. She had mild dementia so we made sure to visit all aspects of the facility. We attended group events at the in-house senior center, dined there three times, visited both the Skilled Care unit and Memory Care unit, and even sat in on one of the Memory Care activity classes. 

We were satisfied it was the right facility for MIL, and it was. She was mostly independent but needed assistance bathing and with medications. She loved living there and after a while, got so busy that we needed to make appointments in advance to see her! 

In fact we still visit and financially support this facility with annual donations (it's a non-profit). They are in the process of a long-term upgrade and remodel - two years ago, they asked us to participate in an independent survey to determine what kinds of services Boomers would be looking for. 

We plan to take our time investigating to find the right place for us. But it was very useful to have done so much research on behalf of MIL. We visited eight facilities and each one was different. Since there's no real standardization, you need to decide what are the "must haves" and what are the "nice to have but not a dealbreaker" items. 

Just as no house is really "perfect" until you spend the time to make it into your home, no one facility can satisfy everyone. There are always trade-offs, whether you stay in your own home or move elsewhere.


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## treeguy64 (Aug 11, 2019)

I'll live in my house, with the gf. If I'm alone, in the future, I may downsize to a condo. If I can't live independently, I will opt out of this existence. I don't believe in prolonging a life spent depending on others.


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## norman (Aug 11, 2019)

fuzzybuddy said:


> I am going back to live in my home on Wednesday. I'm 73 and in a wheelchair. Right now, I live in a "Senior Home". The question is how long can I continue to live at home. Sooner or later, the day is coming when I can't be by myself. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. I'm not rich, nor do I have scads of nieces, grand daughters, who will take me in , and care for me. As unpleasant as it is, what are you going to do when you can no longer live alone?


  Whether hook or crook ( what ever that means )  I am positive I will never live in a nursing home.


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## Catlady (Aug 12, 2019)

Assisted living, to me, sounds ideal, but I doubt I would be able to afford it for more than a few years.  Plus, I have a lot of cats and a tortoise, I would never want to ''get rid of them".  So, my plan is to age at home and hire some help and see if I can get some freebie help for seniors, and hope I die fast without a long illness.  If things become unbearable I am not religious and have no problem with committing suicide, I just want a quick and non-violent way to go.


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## Keesha (Sep 7, 2019)

What happens when your loved one can’t manage on their own any more and needs 24/7 healthcare assistance and you don’t but aren’t able to care for him/her?

1/.Would you hire 24/7 hour help and stay home?
2/.Hire in as much healthcare as you can afford and hope for the best so you can stay home?
3/. Put him/her in LTC and stay at home yourself?
4/. Put him/her in LTC and sign up to be with them?


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## toffee (Sep 7, 2019)

hard to say isn't it --- who knows whats around the corner in our lives - my sons are good men '
so something will get sorted -dont care as long has i'am fed and watered lol --and warm ..wonder if there is a senior forum in heaven -


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## Liberty (Sep 7, 2019)

If I should outlive my husband...not my choice, its in the hands of the "higher power", believe I would stay in this big house and do a "golden girls", if possible.  So many senior folks need economical living conditions.  That would be "purposeful", you know?  Its important for me to try to be purposeful.


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## Repondering (Sep 7, 2019)

I'm 66 and live alone in a 3 bedroom house on 12 rural acres.  I'm planning on at least 10 more years here and then move into an apartment in town.  I ought to last another 10 years....If at the end of my journey the choice is accept a joyless compromise in a nursing home or make my own quick but tidy exit, I think I already know what I'd prefer.  Well, that's what I say now......I might have a different perspective later on.


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## Liberty (Sep 8, 2019)

Repondering said:


> I'm 66 and live alone in a 3 bedroom house on 12 rural acres.  I'm planning on at least 10 more years here and then move into an apartment in town.  I ought to last another 10 years....If at the end of my journey the choice is accept a joyless compromise in a nursing home or make my own quick but tidy exit, I think I already know what I'd prefer.  Well, that's what I say now......I might have a different perspective later on.


Gotta tell you guys this, been keeping tabs on my oldest and best friend, who now has "brittle bone" and wound up in a skilled nursing home facility due to several fractured vertebra. They were "cemented", but she can't do much on her own. Her daughter, who is a wonderful gal, had to scramble around to get her eligible for Medicaid; paid up her utilities and taxes and whatever else she could on her house to get her qualified.  She's so hoping she will be able to come back home.  

Talked to her last night.  Well, after the last "cement job" seems her mom maybe just gave up and is now getting involved with the bingo games, card games, other activities and people in the "hotel" like facility.  She doesn't even want to go back home to "visit". You never know, do you.  Hub's grandfather was in a nursing home for around 10 years and loved giving the nurse's "fits".  He seemed to blossom.


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## Kimwhiz (Sep 8, 2019)

AZ Jim said:


> I don't mind admitting it, I am alone and scared.


I’m so sorry Jim. I can’t imagine losing my husband of 33 years. I would be scared too. Sounds like you’re in the right support group here. I have no answers or suggestions but I hear you and empathize.


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## Keesha (Sep 8, 2019)

I’ve heard of several people who venomously refused to go into a nursing home but ended up going anyway and surprisingly loved it. 

Apparently nobody can force you to go into one though. It has to be your own choice to do so. 

My parents go back and forth with how they feel about it and I don’t  blame them. Unfortunately I’m not in a position to care for them at our house or theirs and my mom needs 24 hour care. It’s a horrible thing to go through.


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## Liberty (Sep 8, 2019)

Keesha said:


> I’ve heard of several people who venomously refused to go into a nursing home but ended up going anyway and surprisingly loved it.
> 
> Apparently nobody can force you to go into one though. It has to be your own choice to do so.
> 
> My parents go back and forth with how they feel about it and I don’t  blame them. Unfortunately I’m not in a position to care for them at our house or theirs and my mom needs 24 hour care. It’s a horrible thing to go through.


Hey, you never know...probably depends on what "boneyard" you go to.  No dishes or housekeeping. Might enjoy the heck out of the bingo, music and card games!


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## StarSong (Sep 8, 2019)

Keesha said:


> What happens when your loved one can’t manage on their own any more and needs 24/7 healthcare assistance and you don’t but aren’t able to care for him/her?
> 
> 1/.Would you hire 24/7 hour help and stay home?
> 2/.Hire in as much healthcare as you can afford and hope for the best so you can stay home?
> ...



What a terrible dilemma that would be.  Needing 24/7 care would be something like a end stage cancer, a catastrophic stroke or advanced dementia.  Assisted living would likely not be an option unless it was dementia and the memory care unit was able sufficient to manage his/her needs.  SNFs are like hospitals.  Healthy family members can't move in - at least not to my knowledge.  

If we were talking end stages of a terminal illness, I'd probably hire as much supportive health care as I could afford so I could keep him home with me.


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## Liberty (Sep 8, 2019)

StarSong said:


> What a terrible dilemma that would be.  Needing 24/7 care would be something like a end stage cancer, a catastrophic stroke or advanced dementia.  Assisted living would likely not be an option unless it was dementia and the memory care unit was able sufficient to manage his/her needs.  SNFs are like hospitals.  Healthy family members can't move in - at least not to my knowledge.
> 
> If we were talking end stages of a terminal illness, I'd probably hire as much supportive health care as I could afford so I could keep him home with me.


Star, we've had two long term nursing home residents in our family - husband's side.  His grandfather was a hard working laborer and had arthritis real bad.  He'd get off work on Friday night and be fine.  By Monday morning he was so locked up.  He lived well into his 90's, last 10 years in the boneyard.  Hub's mom didn't exercise and had osteoporosis - "bone on bone" and just couldn't navigate to do those magic 13 steps after she was in the hospital the last time so she spend 9 years in a nursing home, died in her 95th year.


----------



## StarSong (Sep 8, 2019)

Keesha said:


> I’ve heard of several people who venomously refused to go into a nursing home but ended up going anyway and surprisingly loved it.
> 
> Apparently nobody can force you to go into one though. It has to be your own choice to do so.
> 
> My parents go back and forth with how they feel about it and I don’t  blame them. Unfortunately I’m not in a position to care for them at our house or theirs and my mom needs 24 hour care. It’s a horrible thing to go through.



I was having a conversation about assisted living facilities some years back with my brother's then-GF. She said that about 15 years earlier her grandmother had become financially and physically unable to continue living independently. She wanted to move in with one of her children's families, but none had the space or inclination to have her do so. The relationship with this GM was strong and generally positive. 

Finally, the adult children got together and found a beautiful nearby Assisted Living facility.  They moved GM in.  Despite her original resistance she quickly began to thrive there.  She joined in on the activities, made many friends, and lived another 11 years before passing away.  Her kids paid the tab to keep her there.  

So I said to my brother's GF, "I guess it all worked out well then, yes?"

She replied, "My Grandmother never spoke to any of us again. We knew she was doing well because our family paid the bills. We'd drop off whatever she needed. While checking on her we'd see her laughing, playing bingo, doing exercises, and so forth, but she never said another word to us." 

So there's that.


----------



## StarSong (Sep 8, 2019)

Liberty said:


> Star, we've had two long term nursing home residents in our family - husband's side.  His grandfather was a hard working laborer and had arthritis real bad.  He'd get off work on Friday night and be fine.  By Monday morning he was so locked up.  He lived well into his 90's, last 10 years in the boneyard.  Hub's mom didn't exercise and had osteoporosis - "bone on bone" and just couldn't navigate to do those magic 13 steps after she was in the hospital the last time so she spend 9 years in a nursing home, died in her 95th year.



What do you mean by the boneyard and magic 13 steps? 

I've had two parent/parent-in-law in assisted living (one still in). None in long-term SNF. At least not yet, thank heavens.


----------



## Liberty (Sep 8, 2019)

StarSong said:


> I was having a conversation about assisted living facilities some years back with my brother's then-GF. She said that about 15 years earlier her grandmother had become financially and physically unable to continue living independently. She wanted to move in with one of her children's families, but none had the space or inclination to have her do so. The relationship with this GM was strong and generally positive.
> 
> Finally, the adult children got together and found a beautiful nearby Assisted Living facility.  They moved GM in.  Despite her original resistance she quickly began to thrive there.  She joined in on the activities, made many friends, and lived another 11 years before passing away.  Her kids paid the tab to keep her there.
> 
> ...


Star... what a great family, to do that. Go figure, no good deed  is left unpunished.


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## Liberty (Sep 8, 2019)

StarSong said:


> What do you mean by the boneyard and magic 13 steps?
> 
> I've had two parent/parent-in-law in assisted living (one still in). None in long-term SNF. At least not yet, thank heavens.


Well, it may be different in different states, but here we tend to call a nursing home "the boneyard".  Probably came from a well known columnist who had a great sense of humor and when he aged out he used to talk about it with sprinkled laughter.

As far as the 'magic 23 steps"...that's what the nurses called it so the person was able to go back to the assisted living facility instead of the nursing home.  When they went in the nursing home, they'd still try to get them up and moving, but if they didn't then they had to stay in the SNF.


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## Kimwhiz (Sep 8, 2019)

norman said:


> I was part of a conversation very simular to this video, I did not throw them out of the house, but have often thought how difficult it must have been for my children to come to the person that had always been strong and  never needed advise.   .............The person who coined the phrase,  "The Golden Years" should be made to, walk the plank. lol :drinking:


It’s tough for both sides I’m sure. One of my fav movies ever. Clint is still a bad a$$.


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## StarSong (Sep 8, 2019)

Liberty said:


> Well, it may be different in different states, but here we tend to call a nursing home "the boneyard".  Probably came from a well known columnist who had a great sense of humor and when he aged out he used to talk about it with sprinkled laughter.
> 
> As far as the 'magic 23 steps"...that's what the nurses called it so the person was able to go back to the assisted living facility instead of the nursing home.  When they went in the nursing home, they'd still try to get them up and moving, but if they didn't then they had to stay in the SNF.



My mom was wheelchair bound and my FIL recently became so. Neither of their assisted living facilities batted an eyelash at that, nor did the SNF from which my mother transitioned to the AL after recovering from her broken hip. 

Many ALs have people who are completely wheelchair bound, needing bathroom, shower, and personal care assistance. At least that's true in California. Not sure about TX laws.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Sep 8, 2019)

Wow. I missed this thread the first time around, but reading some of the posts on it is downright scary. Now I'm counting my blessings because I live in a granny flat attached to my DD/DSIL's house. It's tiny but has a bedroom with a walk-in closet, sitting room, full kitchen, bath, separate entrance. I doubt that I'll ever live anywhere else between now and when I become a crispy critter. I make my own breakfast and lunch, join them for dinner or cook for myself or for all of us or whatever suits and give them a generous amount of $$ each month to cover my portion of the phone plan/utilities/groceries. I do buy my own groceries when I cook just for myself.

BTW, I've only ever heard boneyards used in connection with cemeteries!


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## Liberty (Sep 8, 2019)

StarSong said:


> My mom was wheelchair bound and my FIL recently became so. Neither of their assisted living facilities batted an eyelash at that, nor did the SNF from which my mother transitioned to the AL after recovering from her broken hip.
> 
> Many ALs have people who are completely wheelchair bound, needing bathroom, shower, and personal care assistance. At least that's true in California. Not sure about TX laws.


Well, Hub's mom went strait from a walker into the bed.  That was the issue, something about her being able to have enough strength to even get in and out of bed or  a wheelchair and "navigate" the chair to just do the minimum.  She never was in a wheelchair nor wanted to try one I think.

She would just lay in bed and have to have a couple people lift her up -and wore a diaper, which they changed every 2 hours... she refused the PT  in the hospital and if you refuse it twice, they don't come back.  It was like she just didn't have the strength, or want to  try to do anything except lay in bed.  She'd been in a nice retirement center / assisted living center for a few years.

Prior to that she had lived with us for a while.  My mother also lived with us for many years - they were both born on the same day! Different as day and night though...lol.

Long DNA on Hub's mom's side of the family.  Hoping I go first...don't want to be the "last one" standing. But it is what it is and will be what it will be, huh.


----------



## StarSong (Sep 8, 2019)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> Wow. I missed this thread the first time around, but reading some of the posts on it is downright scary. Now I'm counting my blessings because I live in a granny flat attached to my DD/DSIL's house. It's tiny but has a bedroom with a walk-in closet, sitting room, full kitchen, bath, separate entrance. I doubt that I'll ever live anywhere else between now and when I become a crispy critter. I make my own breakfast and lunch, join them for dinner or cook for myself or for all of us or whatever suits and give them a generous amount of $$ each month to cover my portion of the phone plan/utilities/groceries. I do buy my own groceries when I cook just for myself.
> 
> BTW, I've only ever heard boneyards used in connection with cemeteries!



What a great arrangement, Georgia.  Lucky you!  
And ditto on the term boneyard. That's why I asked for clarification.


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## Liberty (Sep 8, 2019)

StarSong said:


> What a great arrangement, Georgia.  Lucky you!
> And ditto on the term boneyard. That's why I asked for clarification.


Yeah, see what you mean... boneyard, guess it could be either one, huh. Also guess 
we need to think of all of life as the "great earth adventure"...lol.


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## Pecos (Sep 8, 2019)

My wife and I have identified a very nice senior independent living complex in Washington State that we will be moving to in a few years. They take care of all the cooking, driving, cleaning and other things that to get difficult for older people. Of prime concern to me is that I don't want her left rattling around in the house alone cooking for one.  She is a social person and needs to interact with other people. Isolation would be extremely hard on her. An assisted living facility is a short walking distance away, so if one of us needs that level of help, we won't have to drive to get a visit. It is close enough that our bichon can walk over there with us.
The first time I visited the facility, was on a short trip to the West Coast. I toured the facility and was very impressed. Later I had an excellent lunch where the facility director seated me with two ladies from our town in South Carolina. One of them was the sister of our lawyer and the other had recently moved there from a neighborhood about 2 miles from us. These ladies were delightful and I really wished that my wife had made that trip with me as she would have loved talking to them.
I took that visit as an Omen and my wife and I are going back out there again to get a better idea of what we should take with us for one of their 2 bedroom apartments.
If I have to leave the planet, that is where I want my lovely wife to be.


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## OneEyedDiva (Sep 8, 2019)

My son swears he wouldn't put me in a nursing home but sometimes life dictates something different.  He said if I start ailing, he'd move me in with him and his wife but right now, that's not practical. They are in an apartment and my two adult grandsons live there too. If living with them is not a realistic option, I'll have to either have a home health aid or go into an assisted living facility or nursing home.


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## Liberty (Sep 8, 2019)

OneEyedDiva said:


> My son swears he wouldn't put me in a nursing home but sometimes life dictates something different.  He said if I start ailing, he'd move me in with him and his wife but right now, that's not practical. They are in an apartment and my two adult grandsons live there too. If living with them is not a realistic option, I'll have to either have a home health aid or go into an assisted living facility or nursing home.


Yes, and the assisted living facilities can be pricey.  My mother in law lived in one for years, after living with us...we traveled a lot and it became necessary for her to move there due to mobility issues and my mom, who also lived with us.

Think its easy to "say" you wouldn't allow  a loved one to go a nursing home, but lets face it, it becomes necessary at times.  If you have the funds, a good assisted living center can be the choice assuming there's not a need for 24/7 care...but with that said, they've become much more expensive in the last few years, I think.  Obviously, the nursing home (skilled nursing facility) is the next move from the assisted living facility.


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## OneEyedDiva (Sep 8, 2019)

Liberty said:


> Yes, and the assisted living facilities can be pricey.  My mother in law lived in one for years, after living with us...we traveled a lot and it became necessary for her to move there due to mobility issues and my mom, who also lived with us.
> 
> Think its easy to "say" you wouldn't allow  a loved one to go a nursing home, but lets face it, it becomes necessary at times.  If you have the funds, a good assisted living center can be the choice assuming there's not a need for 24/7 care...but with that said, they've become much more expensive in the last few years, I think.  Obviously, the nursing home (skilled nursing facility) is the next move from the assisted living facility.


Liberty...and I live in N.J. which has one of the highest costs for assisted living and nursing homes. I never intended to put my mother in a nursing home but I had a heart condition, she was failing more (and about my weight or heavier) and I actually got very sick one day when I was taking care of her so my uncle had to come. I could no longer take adequate care of her, so I know what you mean. But we were blessed.  I found a very good place and the staff came to love her so she got treated very well. Her money ran out in a few months but they kept her there when Medicaid kicked in.


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## jerry old (Sep 8, 2019)

Norman said he thinks about his future a lot, what options...

There is good info threads on Reverse Mortgages if you own your home..., it is a rip-off as far as I'm concerned.
AARP has become a propaganda      mag. for it's advertisers...

Old age brings an influx of NEW problems we never considered when younger.
It worries me constantly,  which do I fear more: death or being totally dependent on other.
I  worked for Adult Protective Services, investigated Nursing Homes for three months, then the Nursing Home Lobby got the politico;s 
to pass a bill, where in the Nursing Homes hired their own investigator. (money rules all politico's, state-federal-all the same)
If you have to go to a nursing home, make sure it is  CHURCH AFFILIATED , most have long waiting list.
Private nursing homes: employees effect the bottom line=lot of snake pits, especially if no one ever visits you.


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## Liberty (Sep 8, 2019)

OneEyedDiva said:


> Liberty...and I live in N.J. which has one of the highest costs for assisted living and nursing homes. I never intended to put my mother in a nursing home but I had a heart condition, she was failing more (and about my weight or heavier) and I actually got very sick one day when I was taking care of her so my uncle had to come. I could no longer take adequate care of her, so I know what you mean. But we were blessed.  I found a very good place and the staff came to love her so she got treated very well. Her money ran out in a few months but they kept her there when Medicaid kicked in.


Wonderful OED...you have good feelings about your mom, then, I'm sure.  So glad she got in a good place with nice people.  So many don't realize you give up your "assets" when going into a nursing home, to qualify for Medicaid unless you have the bucks to personally sustain it which less than 30% have and for the very long term I'm guessing it would be way less would have the where with all to actually fund it.

If you care about leaving anything to your relatives its best to sign it over to them as soon as you can as most states require it to be done 5 yrs.  previously to filing Medicaid. Yeah, that's real hard I know.

This is a good article on living independently as a senior...you know, I know several that are into their late 80's and early 90's that are doing well.  Its said that 80% of seniors actually live independently till they pass on.  Like my mom and dad (dad was on total disability for 9 years, but took care of himself right up till the day he died at home) used to say, "don't worry about me, dear...because God and I got a deal", and they both did!:

https://www.healthline.com/health-news/aging-seniors-can-stay-at-home-longer-but-need-help-121213#1


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## terry123 (Sep 8, 2019)

AZ Jim said:


> I don't mind admitting it, I am alone and scared.


Me too, Jim!


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## norman (Sep 9, 2019)

terry123 said:


> Me too, Jim!


Me too, but if when I lose my ability to hop in my truck with my dog and go to McDonalds and get us both a hamburger, I think that will be the straw that breaks my back....but I accept that fact that, well I'm not going think about it.


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## Liberty (Sep 9, 2019)

Yep, best to keep enjoying life  - "treasure each golden hour" as my mom used to say. That's good for the body, mind and soul!


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## Myquest55 (Sep 9, 2019)

We recently retired and moved to a typical New England home (part of it is old, part of it is newer).  The washer & dryer were also in the creepy basement but we managed to create closet space & brought them upstairs (BEST thing we did!!)  Like Lethe200, we have been touring the various Retirement communities in the area and are looking for a CCRC or something close.  We have our names on one wait list but hope to find at least one more - in some communities, the wait can be up to 8 years!!  We left our children behind and are loving our new home!  We hope to stay in our house as long as we can but, DH has Parkinsons, so we thought we should be ready - just in case he felt it was time.  That way, we can be in place for Assisted Living or Palliative (nursing) Care, as needed.

My father moved in to an Erickson Community (Maris Grove in Penn.) when he & his wife were 80 and it has kept him alive!  (he is 94 now and still pretty independent) There are SO MANY things to do!  We love to visit there, everyone seems happy, there are groups of people getting together before and after dinner, trips, classes, a pool, bowling alley, theater and all kinds of events!  Once moved in, you can still work, stay as quiet or involved as you like.  One plus - they knew a lot of folks from work and their old neighborhoods, already there.


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## StarSong (Sep 9, 2019)

Liberty said:


> Wonderful OED...you have good feelings about your mom, then, I'm sure.  So glad she got in a good place with nice people.  So many don't realize you give up your "assets" when going into a nursing home, to qualify for Medicaid unless you have the bucks to personally sustain it which less than 30% have and for the very long term I'm guessing it would be way less would have the where with all to actually fund it.
> 
> *If you care about leaving anything to your relatives its best to sign it over to them as soon as you can as most states require it to be done 5 yrs.  previously to filing Medicaid. Yeah, that's real hard I know.*
> 
> ...



I frankly see this as immoral and unethical behavior. If one has the assets to fund old age treatment, the social obligation is to do so, not to transfer those assets to children, cry poverty and rely on government assistance (meaning you, me, and everyone else) to pick up the tab.

These kinds of shenanigans are exactly why the five year look-backs for asset transfers were enacted.


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## Liberty (Sep 9, 2019)

StarSong said:


> I frankly see this as immoral and unethical behavior. If one has the assets to fund our old age treatment, the social obligation is to do so, not to transfer those assets to children, cry poverty and rely on government assistance (meaning you, me, and everyone else) to pick up the tab.
> 
> These kinds of shenanigans are exactly why the five year look-backs for asset transfers were enacted.


You are right...you know, I hear people just totally amazed that they have to "pledge" their assets when they go into a SNH.  Its like we, as Americans automatically think this should be granted to us.  Look how much it costs to keep someone year after year.  I tried to bring cookies and stuff to the health care workers when visiting my mother in law, as I knew they were not highly paid and worked hard.

Of course, of those who do sign things over to their children or loved ones, many times they never have to go into a facility.  It is what it is.


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## Gary O' (Sep 9, 2019)

*What are you going to do when you can no longer live alone?*

If they haul me off, I'm gonna take full advantage
Gonna play a bit of grabass with whatever comely nurse tends me
Cop a dementia plea
'Oh'..... 'Where am I?'.....'thought you were my wife'


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## Liberty (Sep 9, 2019)

Gary O' said:


> *What are you going to do when you can no longer live alone?*
> 
> If they haul me off, I'm gonna take full advantage
> Gonna play a bit of grabass with whatever comely nurse tends me
> ...


That's funny, Gary O, you sound like my hubby's grandfather.   That's what he did...gave the nurses heck and they would threaten him with "no fudgesicle " or whatever they had for a snack.


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## Gary O' (Sep 9, 2019)

Liberty said:


> my hubby's grandfather


I *LIKE* him!


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## PopsnTuff (Sep 9, 2019)

Falcon said:


> I doubt  if  I'll  ever live  alone.  One of  my  adult  sons  is  living  with me here.  And I like the arrangement.


Same for me here Falcon...guess I should count my blessings even tho my son has lots of issues that are hard to deal with but he's slowly working them out and getting his driver's license back after ten years...
I'm looking forward to being the passenger and not the driver in the future for doc appt's and errands...


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## Nautilus (Nov 17, 2019)

We've been married 50 years.  Financially, we're in good shape.  I will almost certainly die first so my wife will have what she needs.  However, she is a cancer survivor...or so they say.  It's possible that it could return.  My wife is my life and I'm a quality of life person.  She goes, we go.  I mean it.


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## Lara (Nov 17, 2019)

Nautilus, are you sure you would have nothing to live for? Maybe a little extra time to find yourself? You have worth and purpose still left until you are taken home.


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## Nautilus (Nov 17, 2019)

Lara said:


> Nautilus, are you sure you would have nothing to live for? Maybe a little extra time to find yourself? You have worth and purpose still left until you are taken home.


I don't believe that I'll be "taken home."  It will simply be death...an escape from having to suffer a life without my reason for living.


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## Lara (Nov 17, 2019)

Okay. "As you wish", as Mary Poppins would say☂. Hopefully, you won't have to make that decision 

`


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## norman (Nov 17, 2019)

Nautilus said:


> We've been married 50 years.  Financially, we're in good shape.  I will almost certainly die first so my wife will have what she needs.  However, she is a cancer survivor...or so they say.  It's possible that it could return.  My wife is my life and I'm a quality of life person.  She goes, we go.  I mean it.


Nautilus, I understand your line of thought, if Sweetie goes I would not have a reason to exist and my family have all moved away and I will *never* live in a nursing home.


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## peppermint (Nov 17, 2019)

We have 2 children....Our son, his wife and 2 grown children....They live 2 blocks from me....
My daughter and her husband have 2 children, boy is in college and girl in high school....
I live with my husband and will stay together until something happens that one of us will be left alone....
We discussed this when he had a heart attack, he survived....He then had Cancer....He is doing well....Thank God....
I know if I die first he would still live alone....If he dies first, I would be able to live alone...
We did discuss this subject with our children....They both have nice homes, but I wouldn't want to live with them...
If the day comes, I'll figure it out.....(I will never live in a nursing home)  My kids told me already, they would never put me there....
So, What will be, will be.....


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## Ladybj (Nov 17, 2019)

norman said:


> :drinking:  ..............


YESSSSZZZZ!!!!!!


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## Ladybj (Nov 17, 2019)

That is a very good question.  God forbid my husband pass before me,  I have a daughter, she is 27 years old.  I asked her at one time, would I be able to live with her if I need to..she told me, I will make sure you have someplace to stay.. so I guess that is NO...lol.  But if she has a big house - which she will, I feel she will allow me to stay with her. I also have 2 sons.  One live out of town..would not want to live there..and the other will take me in but....no.   I also have nieces, grand nieces and nephews and grand nephews.  I feel I will be AOK.  I will not end up in a nursing home...that I know for sure.  I will always be in physical and mental good health..  I will EAT DRINK AND BE MERRY.  I will be GOOD


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## Keesha (Nov 17, 2019)

Hope one of you people adopt me


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## Ladybj (Nov 17, 2019)

I will always be able to live alone..I am putting it out in the Universe.  We have not because we ask not  And I will always have a "Special" Friend - If my husband pass before me.


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## Nautilus (Nov 17, 2019)

I wonder how many people in nursing homes once said, "They will never put me in a nursing home."


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## RadishRose (Nov 17, 2019)

Keesha said:


> Hope one of you people adopt me


I was just thinking of that!!!  I'm quiet.


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## Ladybj (Nov 17, 2019)

Nautilus said:


> We've been married 50 years.  Financially, we're in good shape.  I will almost certainly die first so my wife will have what she needs.  However, she is a cancer survivor...or so they say.  It's possible that it could return.  My wife is my life and I'm a quality of life person.  She goes, we go.  I mean it.


That's deep Nautilus.... And I do get it!!!


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## Pepper (Nov 17, 2019)

Nautilus said:


> I wonder how many people in nursing homes once said, "They will never put me in a nursing home."


They are the ones who didn't kill themselves when they had the chance.


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## RadishRose (Nov 17, 2019)

Nautilus said:


> I wonder how many people in nursing homes once said, "They will never put me in a nursing home."


Yes.
But in some severe instances there's no other choice.


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## Nautilus (Nov 17, 2019)

Pepper said:


> They are the ones who didn't kill themselves when they had the chance.


My point exactly.


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## Ladybj (Nov 17, 2019)

Nautilus said:


> I wonder how many people in nursing homes once said, "They will never put me in a nursing home."


A LOT!!!  
My mom (God rest her Soul) told us never to put her in a nursing home.   She was in a  Assit living facility - she had a nice place and she was in bed a lot.  She had a porta potty in her bedroom.  They had her sign forms to be in a nursing home because they felt if a fire was to break out she would not get out alive.  I was not there so not sure if she knew what she was signing.  I would not have signed it.


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## Nautilus (Nov 17, 2019)

RadishRose said:


> Yes.
> But in some severe instances there's no other choice.


There's always a choice.  For me, if living were to become simply existing, I'd make that choice while I was still able to do so.


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## Ladybj (Nov 17, 2019)

RadishRose said:


> Yes.
> But in some severe instances there's no other choice.


SOOOOO TRUE!!!


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## Ladybj (Nov 17, 2019)

Nautilus said:


> There's always a choice.  For me, if living were to become simply existing, I'd make that choice while I was still able to do so.


For those with no family and mentally disabled... they have no choice in the matter.


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## Keesha (Nov 17, 2019)

RadishRose said:


> I was just thinking of that!!!  I'm quiet.


And I’m not!


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## Keesha (Nov 17, 2019)

Nautilus said:


> There's always a choice.  For me, if living were to become simply existing, I'd make that choice while I was still able to do so.


That’s right. Once I can’t take care of myself I’ve got no reason to live any more.


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## Ladybj (Nov 17, 2019)

I would not kill myself if I faced going into a Nursing home... I would run the place..  Those people would have so much fun with me..  Our last years, would be our BEST!!! I am a think outside of the box type of person.


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## Keesha (Nov 17, 2019)

Ladybj said:


> For those with no family and mentally disabled... they have no choice in the matter.


And for those ‘with’ family and mentally disabled may have no choice in the matter


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## Keesha (Nov 17, 2019)

Ladybj said:


> I would not kill myself if I faced going into a Nursing home... I would run the place..  Those people would have so much fun with me..  Our last years, would be our BEST!!! I am a think outside of the box type of person.


I think most of us here are talking about stages where you need your diapers changed, need feeding, need to be bathed , no longer understand what’s going on or even who is who.
Not so fun.


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## Nautilus (Nov 17, 2019)

There are basically two outlooks toward life: sanctity and quality.  Personally, I'm not the Stephen Hawking type.


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## Ladybj (Nov 17, 2019)

Keesha said:


> I think most of us here are talking about stages where you need your diapers changed, need feeding, need to be bathed , no longer understand what’s going on or even who is who.


Keesha, 
Knowing me.. I would make lemons out of lemonade. That's just me.  But I understand where you are coming from.


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## Keesha (Nov 17, 2019)

Nautilus said:


> There are basically two outlooks toward life: sanctity and quality.  Personally, I'm not the Stephen Hawking type.


Agreed 100%. I’m quality of life all the way. 
Im not seeking quantity


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## Keesha (Nov 17, 2019)

Ladybj said:


> Keesha,
> Knowing me.. I would make lemons out of lemonade. That's just me.  But I understand where you are coming from.


Sure if you even know what a Lemon is and what they are used for by then. Some people’s  cognitive ability goes fast due to strokes and stuff.
I’m not trying to scare you. Just being realistic.


----------



## Nautilus (Nov 17, 2019)

Keesha said:


> Agreed 100%. I’m quality of life all the way.
> Im not seeking quantity


----------



## Ladybj (Nov 17, 2019)

Keesha said:


> Sure if you even know what a Lemon is and what they are used for by then. Some people’s  cognitive ability goes fast due to strokes and stuff.
> I’m not trying to scare you. Just being realistic.


This is getting a bit deep.  No, you not scaring me...  I live for the now, not for the "what if".   But still, I would not harm myself. My mother didn't and neither will I.


----------



## Keesha (Nov 17, 2019)

Nautilus said:


> View attachment 81622


From now on....
Junk food all the way


----------



## Catlady (Nov 17, 2019)

Keesha said:


> Hope one of you people adopt me


Since most of us are older than you, will you take care of us if one of us adopts you?


----------



## Ladybj (Nov 17, 2019)

Keesha said:


> From now on....
> Junk food all the way


Not me...  I am almost 60 and on no meds.  I am good to my tummy and my tummy is good to me.  I have my feelings about certain things because I use to work for a Surgical Group and my son was diagnosed with Cancer a couple of years ago.  He is doing great now.


----------



## Ladybj (Nov 17, 2019)

Whatever will be, will be.  The future is not ours to see, whatever will be will be.  I am learning to live in the present moment.. not in the "what if".


----------



## treeguy64 (Nov 17, 2019)

If I ever need assisted living, and I mean NEED it,  I will opt out of this existence. Due to my scary good memory, I remember being a child, very well. I remember depending on my parents. I didn't like it, the first time around, and I sure as hell am not going to even consider going through that type of living situation, again, as I head on down the tube. That's it, for me, plain and simple.

As I always write, in here, I am unable to understand those who actively PLAN on needing assistance in their final years. For me, that would be experiencing Hell on Earth.


----------



## Ladybj (Nov 17, 2019)

treeguy64 said:


> If I ever need assisted living, and I mean NEED it,  I will opt out of this existence. Due to my scary good memory, I remember being a child, very well. I remember depending on my parents. I didn't like it, the first time around, and I sure as hell am not going to even consider going through that type of living situation, again, as I head on down the tube. That's it, for me, plain and simple.
> 
> As I always write, in here, I am unable to understand those who actively PLAN on needing assistance in their final years. For me, that would be experiencing Hell on Earth.


I truly get that... very understandable.  But do you really believe people "actively plan" on needing assistance in their final years?  So do you feel when people get to a certain age they should end it all because they may need assistance in the future.  We never know what the future holds.


----------



## RadishRose (Nov 17, 2019)

treeguy64 said:


> I will opt out of this existence.


What?? No way! Some of the ladies  and I were planning to move into the lovely, multi-level tree house you're going to build for us . We'll help you out!


----------



## treeguy64 (Nov 17, 2019)

Ladybj said:


> I truly get that... very understandable.  But do you really believe people "actively plan" on needing assistance in their final years?  So do you feel when people get to a certain age they should end it all because they may need assistance in the future.  We never know what the future holds.



Oh, some in here have, in fact, planned on being in assisted living in their final years. Simply read the posts in the many threads that deal with the issue.

We get on a slippery slope when we get into what everyone should do when they get old and may need assisted living. As I have found, this time around, many, if not most, older folks, feel that their lives must be extended, no matter what. They live on and on, simply for the sake of doing so. 

While I would never want to see a mandatory course of action, enforceable by law, in place, when it comes to this end of life issue, I'm fairly certain that if the world keeps on becoming more and more overpopulated, due to piggish people who think having big families is the way to go, that sooner or later, long-term, assisted living care will become a thing of the past, due to budgetary constraints and the will of the (younger) people. Soylent Green, anyone?


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## Keesha (Nov 17, 2019)

Ladybj said:


> Not me...  I am almost 60 and on no meds.  I am good to my tummy and my tummy is good to me.  I have my feelings about certain things because I use to work for a Surgical Group and my son was diagnosed with Cancer a couple of years ago.  He is doing great now.


I’m kidding also. I’m almost 60 and on no pharmaceutical meds. I’m very much for preventive medicine than conventional


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## Keesha (Nov 17, 2019)

PVC said:


> Since most of us are older than you, will you take care of us if one of us adopts you?


Ummmm.....
let me think about it 
Sure


----------



## Ladybj (Nov 17, 2019)

treeguy64 said:


> Oh, some in here have, in fact, planned on being in assisted living in their final years. Simply read the posts in the many threads that deal with the issue.


I missed those post.  I do not and will not plan on being in a assisted living facility in my final years.  I plan on being right here in my house that my hubby and I recently purchased.  God forbid my hubby passed along before me, I will have a few roommies that I know and trust and hubby and I have worked hard so I will be fine with or without the roommies.  And Treeguy, you have to hang around, as one of the other ladies stated, we will need our treehouse and you will be invited.. we will look out for you


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## Pepper (Nov 17, 2019)

Mann tracht, un Gott lacht


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## Ladybj (Nov 17, 2019)

Keesha said:


> I’m kidding also. I’m almost 60 and on no pharmaceutical meds. I’m very much for preventive medicine than conventional


It is very rare at our age that we are not on any pharmaceutical meds.


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## Keesha (Nov 17, 2019)

Ladybj said:


> I missed those post.  I do not and will not plan on being in a assisted living facility in my final years.  I plan on being right here in my house that my hubby and I recently purchased.  God forbid my hubby passed along before me, I will have a few roommies that I know and trust and hubby and I have worked hard so I will be fine with or without the roommies.  And Treeguy, you have to hang around, as one of the other ladies stated, we will need our treehouse and you will be invited.. we will look out for you


If you plan on never going into long term care then try never to use free government senior nursing services. Once the government get their claws in you they will happily assist you into long term care in nursing homes. Old age living is big money.


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## Keesha (Nov 17, 2019)

Ladybj said:


> It is very rare at our age that we are not on any pharmaceutical meds.


Is it? 
This is good then. 
Oh and you’re going to start walking or I’ll nag you about it. lol


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## Suzy623 (Nov 17, 2019)

After being the caregiver for my sister, my mother and now my father, I've realized that I never planned for my senior years and what potentially could or would come my way. I now know that Medicare or health insurance will be of no help if it comes to a Memory Care facility for my father. And, should I have to put him on Medicaid (IF I could get him on medicaid), then my inheritance will be used up so that would leave me where? I don't want to depend or burden my children or relatives (I know what a tough job it is to be a caregiver).  There are, of course, some ropes I could jump through to maybe have something left to help me should I need it in the future, but that would be taking away assets that would make my father more comfortable now.

I am at the point now where I just hope I can survive my father. Once he's gone I'll just have to do the best I can with what our government wants to provide to this country's seniors.


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## RadishRose (Nov 17, 2019)

Pepper said:


> Mann tracht, un Gott lacht


I had to look this up-

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/our-emotional-footprint/201602/man-plans-and-god-laughs
Love it!


----------



## Lara (Nov 17, 2019)

It would be interesting to have a poll to see who would take their life when quality of life is gone, who wouldn't, and who doesn't know.


----------



## Liberty (Nov 18, 2019)

Keesha said:


> I think most of us here are talking about stages where you need your diapers changed, need feeding, need to be bathed , no longer understand what’s going on or even who is who.
> Not so fun.


Guess those poor folks do provide jobs for people.  Used to think about that when we'd visit my MIL.  She lived in one for years, flat on her back, in her right mind.  Don't call that living, huh. Kept trying to get her to exercise.  Her DNA was golden, nice if she could have kept her body strong.


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## Lvstotrvl (Nov 18, 2019)

Suzy, I don’t understand why Medicare n his insurance wouldn’t help with your dad? Have you thought about Hospice, I had to call them when my hubby was dying last year, I really needed help because I was going to keep him home with me. Medicare n his insurance paid for everything n not once did they ask about my financial affairs.


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## Pecos (Nov 18, 2019)

treeguy64 said:


> If I ever need assisted living, and I mean NEED it,  I will opt out of this existence. Due to my scary good memory, I remember being a child, very well. I remember depending on my parents. I didn't like it, the first time around, and I sure as hell am not going to even consider going through that type of living situation, again, as I head on down the tube. That's it, for me, plain and simple.
> 
> As I always write, in here, I am unable to understand those who actively PLAN on needing assistance in their final years. For me, that would be experiencing Hell on Earth.


 There are a lot of valid opinions in this thread, but one thing that troubles me a bit is that "needing assistance" has largely been painted as a black and white issue, when the truth is that there are many shades of gray. Needing a little assistance is vastly different than being at that point where you have to go into a nursery home or memory care facility.

I think it is wise to plan for the event of needing assistance at some point in your later years. I know three men who have used an assisted living facility for short term stays following surgeries. In my opinion, the real reason they were there was because they were obese and way too heavy for their wives to help them get in and out of bed. They had all planned for this possibility and they all had adequate insurance to cover the expense. They are doing just fine today.

I have also known two older gentlemen who moved into an independent living facility after they lost their wives and were having trouble driving, cooking, and cleaning. Having meal service made a huge difference, and while the quality of their lives were obviously less than when they were in their 60's, they none-the-less continued to enjoy life for many years. One of them had a nurse come in and check on him twice a week. He lived successfully until he was 99. The other wound up getting married when he was 85. 

I do not personally know anyone who has lived in a nursing home, but I have visited a couple with our therapy dogs. Some people were doing fine and expected to leave the facility, others were not so lucky. It all just "depends."

But count me among those who look down the pike and realize that at some point my wife and I are going to need some level of assistance after we lose the ability to drive or do yardwork or heavy housework. We do not want to live with our adult children and we have done the financial planning that will enable us to continue enjoying life as long as we can.


----------



## Trade (Nov 18, 2019)




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## Pepper (Nov 18, 2019)

I had such a thing for John Derek!


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## treeguy64 (Nov 18, 2019)

Pecos said:


> There are a lot of valid opinions in this thread, but one thing that troubles me a bit is that "needing assistance" has largely been painted as a black and white issue, when the truth is that there are many shades of gray. Needing a little assistance is vastly different than being at that point where you have to go into a nursery home or memory care facility.
> SNIP!



I respect your opinion.

The thing is, in a few of the cases you cited, the individuals brought their misfortunes on themselves by being obese. So many share that same problem. I have always weighed 152-158 lbs. since I was fifteen. I don't anticipate that I'll lose the ability to not be a gluttonous pig.

In addition, I am a great cook, a guy who enjoys cooking for myself and others. If I lose the ability to cook, an important part of my joy in living will be gone. I like cleaning, sewing, working my land, playing my bass guitar, etc. Take those things away, and another part of my happiness is gone.

Yeah, it's different for different people. To me, life is about living to do things one likes to do. That being the case, take away from me the things I like doing, and you're taking away my reasons to live.

Again, I understand this is truly a matter of "different strokes for different folks." I'm sure many in here will be perfectly fine sleeping twenty hours a day, being helped to the bathroom, having their meals prepared for them, their rooms cleaned, their bodies bathed. Some won't mind being planted in front of the TV to sleep and drool on themselves for hours on end.  Their prime directive, their motivating theme, is, apparently, stay alive for as long as possible, no matter if the life being lived has zero quality to it. For me, I'd truly rather be dead.


----------



## peppermint (Nov 18, 2019)

I hope some can understand what I will write....I got a phone call from my Medicare....Very lovely lady....It wasn't the first time they called me..  The 2 times they called we were going out of town....So this time I gave in and told them yes....
A nurse will be coming to my home...Really!!!!   I was just to my Doctor last week and I am fine!!!!   So I got the phone call
today to tell me what time the Nurse is coming to my home....I will have to show her my meds....Now come on, they know
what meds I have!!!!   I only went to the Doctor this year and not that I was sick...This new Medicare just came out this year....It seems our other Medicare shipped out....I was a Secretary for a School System....I did my 25 years....Then we get
the report the old Medicare were changing....I had to take it or else it would be more expensive if I dropped my old Medicare....So I googled some of this stuff....This new Medicare in my State (Medicare for Teacher's and Staff) can't change or else we would be getting a new Medicare system from a different source.....And much more money....

So to make this a little short.....It seems people were having adults or children in their home that didn't have Medicare...
They would bring kids to the doctor and put it on their Medicare....So this Medicare cracked down on those losers....
I won't say what Medicare company it is....But it really is OK for them to see our home and who lives in the house....Who
it's me and hubby....I have a neat lovely home....And they know what Meds and my husband's med are....So this is what
we have to do when people cheat...… 
This is not saying I don't like Nurses....My husband had 2 weeks of Nurses when he came home from the Hospital...
They were lovely ladies....
I'm just asking if anyone ever had nurses/doctor's come to your home when you didn't call for....When I have my Doctor in our town for many, many years.....


----------



## Ladybj (Nov 18, 2019)

Keesha said:


> If you plan on never going into long term care then try never to use free government senior nursing services. Once the government get their claws in you they will happily assist you into long term care in nursing homes. Old age living is big money.


That is how I feel about pharmaceutical meds.


----------



## Ladybj (Nov 18, 2019)

peppermint said:


> I hope some can understand what I will write....I got a phone call from my Medicare....Very lovely lady....It wasn't the first time they called me..  The 2 times they called we were going out of town....So this time I gave in and told them yes....
> A nurse will be coming to my home...Really!!!!   I was just to my Doctor last week and I am fine!!!!   So I got the phone call
> today to tell me what time the Nurse is coming to my home....I will have to show her my meds....Now come on, they know
> what meds I have!!!!   I only went to the Doctor this year and not that I was sick...This new Medicare just came out this year....It seems our other Medicare shipped out....I was a Secretary for a School System....I did my 25 years....Then we get
> ...


Was it mandatory that they come by?  If not, I would not have allowed them in my home.


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## Ladybj (Nov 18, 2019)

RadishRose said:


> I had to look this up-
> 
> https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/our-emotional-footprint/201602/man-plans-and-god-laughs
> Love it!


Thanks for sharing because I was lost...lol


----------



## Keesha (Nov 18, 2019)

Ladybj said:


> That is how I feel about pharmaceutical meds.


I’m not against pharmaceutical meds but given the choice I prefer holistic


----------



## treeguy64 (Nov 18, 2019)

peppermint said:


> I hope some can understand what I will write....I got a phone call from my Medicare....Very lovely lady....It wasn't the first time they called me..  The 2 times they called we were going out of town....So this time I gave in and told them yes....
> A nurse will be coming to my home...Really!!!!   I was just to my Doctor last week and I am fine!!!!   So I got the phone call
> today to tell me what time the Nurse is coming to my home....I will have to show her my meds....Now come on, they know
> what meds I have!!!!   I only went to the Doctor this year and not that I was sick...This new Medicare just came out this year....It seems our other Medicare shipped out....I was a Secretary for a School System....I did my 25 years....Then we get
> ...


Sorry, you can count me as one who doesn't understand much of anything you're detailing in your post. I read it to the gf. All she could say is,  "Huh?"
Are you confusing Medicare, the government program, with some sort of private insurance you have?


----------



## Ladybj (Nov 18, 2019)

Keesha said:


> I’m not against pharmaceutical meds but given the choice I prefer holistic


Same here... I am not against them entirely, some of them help a LOT of people.  And some of them do harm to a lot of people.  I also prefer holistic.


----------



## Ladybj (Nov 18, 2019)

treeguy64 said:


> I respect your opinion.
> 
> The thing is, in a few of the cases you cited, the individuals brought their misfortunes on themselves by being obese. So many share that same problem. I have always weighed 152-158 lbs. since I was fifteen. I don't anticipate that I'll lose the ability to not be a gluttonous pig.
> 
> ...


I agree, different strokes for different folks and both are right.


----------



## Pepper (Nov 18, 2019)

Peppermint, do you mean Medicaid?


----------



## Butterfly (Nov 18, 2019)

peppermint said:


> I hope some can understand what I will write....I got a phone call from my Medicare....Very lovely lady....It wasn't the first time they called me..  The 2 times they called we were going out of town....So this time I gave in and told them yes....
> A nurse will be coming to my home...Really!!!!   I was just to my Doctor last week and I am fine!!!!   So I got the phone call
> today to tell me what time the Nurse is coming to my home....I will have to show her my meds....Now come on, they know
> what meds I have!!!!   I only went to the Doctor this year and not that I was sick...This new Medicare just came out this year....It seems our other Medicare shipped out....I was a Secretary for a School System....I did my 25 years....Then we get
> ...




 I would absolutely not permit this.

1.  "Medicare" never calls people.  It is a government agency and NEVER calls people about their medical care.

2.   There is no NEW Medicare or OLD Medicare, there is just one Medicare.  It is a federal government program.  There is no 
teachers' Medicare. People cannot bring children or others to put on their Medicare. Medicare is only for qualifying persons over 65, or certain disabled persons. There is no "medicare company." Medicare is a federal program.

Perhaps you are talking about your health insurance, or your Medicare Advantage program.

First off, figure out WHO called you.  Call your doctor and tell his office about this and ask them if they know who these people are.  Some insurance companies tried to start this sort of thing, but people were not accepting of it.  Many people, including myself, simply said "no."  

Do not let these people in your home or give them any information if you are not comfortable with it.  I certainly would not do it.  

I would discuss it with my doctor's office before it went any further.  

I strongly urge you to find out who these people are -- as I said, they could be from your insurance company (they are certainly NOT from Medicare), in which case you can just refer them to your treating physician., or they could be someone trying to get your personal information in some sort of scam.  

Your personal medical treatment is between you and your doctor and not any outside company.


----------



## Butterfly (Nov 18, 2019)

Ladybj said:


> Was it mandatory that they come by?  If not, I would not have allowed them in my home.



And I would demand to know who made it "mandatory," if they say it is.   It is an invasion of privacy in my view.


----------



## Ladybj (Nov 18, 2019)

Butterfly said:


> I would absolutely not permit this.
> 
> 1.  "Medicare" never calls people.  It is a government agency and NEVER calls people about their medical care.
> 
> ...


VERY GOOD POINT!!!!  I agree.  Great info.


----------



## AprilSun (Nov 19, 2019)

peppermint said:


> I hope some can understand what I will write....I got a phone call from my Medicare....Very lovely lady....It wasn't the first time they called me..  The 2 times they called we were going out of town....So this time I gave in and told them yes....
> A nurse will be coming to my home...Really!!!!   I was just to my Doctor last week and I am fine!!!!   So I got the phone call
> today to tell me what time the Nurse is coming to my home....I will have to show her my meds....Now come on, they know
> what meds I have!!!!   I only went to the Doctor this year and not that I was sick...This new Medicare just came out this year....It seems our other Medicare shipped out....I was a Secretary for a School System....I did my 25 years....Then we get
> ...



I would not allow this to happen. It sounds like a scam or your insurance company trying to trick you into letting them make house calls. My insurance company kept calling me wanting to come into my home for visits even though I'm seeing my doctor regularly. I wouldn't let them. They are still calling today but I have their number blocked so it doesn't ring here. The reason I know they're trying is because I check the caller id on my machine and it shows they called but were blocked. You need to be very cautious about this. If I wasn't comfortable with letting them in my home, I wouldn't do it. Be careful.


----------



## Sunny (Nov 19, 2019)

Good summary of Medicare, Butterfly!  That whole "mandatory nurse" thing sounds hokey to me.  And from some of the answers in this thread, I think some people are confused as to the difference between Medicare and private insurance.


----------



## Liberty (Nov 19, 2019)

All these crazy advantage ads on  TV present themselves as "zero" cost Medicare.  On one of them they said 
you may even qualify to get some of your money back from Medicare. Year in year out sometimes I explain to the same people I did last year that its not official "Medicare", that its "managed care."

Think it should be illegal to do that.

Nice when Dec. 7 comes and goes, of course there will just be more drug ads on...lol.


----------



## peppermint (Nov 19, 2019)

Medicare" never calls people.  It is a government agency and NEVER calls people about their medical care.

  I don't agree with this statement....I am on Medicare...They called me a while ago to see If they can
have a Nurse to come to my house....She came today....A lovely Nurse....She said they are doing this for
Medicare patients to keep up with their Prescriptions and  I do have a Doctor.....Which I was at the Doctor last week....
She also talked to my husband that has the same Medicare....She told us she is not with our medicare,
the medicare have Nurse's to help or just talk to Medicare patients....She asked for my identifications...
To make sure I was the person on the Medicare....Everything was in order....She told me if I would like
to have a Nurse to come next year at this time....Of course I laughed and said," of course" "If I'm still alive"  She gave us very good suggestions.....


----------



## Butterfly (Nov 19, 2019)

Sunny said:


> Good summary of Medicare, Butterfly!  That whole "mandatory nurse" thing sounds hokey to me.  And from some of the answers in this thread, I think some people are confused as to the difference between Medicare and private insurance.



Strongly agree.


peppermint said:


> Medicare" never calls people.  It is a government agency and NEVER calls people about their medical care.
> 
> I don't agree with this statement....I am on Medicare...They called me a while ago to see If they can
> have a Nurse to come to my house....She came today....A lovely Nurse....She said they are doing this for
> ...



Regardless of what they told you, these nurses were not from Medicare, which is a federal program.  They may have been from another insurance company, or a medicare advantage program, but they were not sent by federal Medicare.  

There is only one Medicare.  There is not "your Medicare" or "his Medicare."  Medicare does NOT send nurses or anybody else out to talk to patients.  Call Medicare at their 800 number and ask them if they do.  1-800-MEDICARE (*1-800-633-4227*).

You probably have a Medicare Advantage plan which may have arranged such a visit.  There is a difference between Medicare itself and a Medicare Advantage plan.


----------



## Liberty (Nov 20, 2019)

Butterfly said:


> Strongly agree.
> 
> 
> Regardless of what they told you, these nurses were not from Medicare, which is a federal program.  They may have been from another insurance company, or a medicare advantage program, but they were not sent by federal Medicare.
> ...


Keep telling people that, Butterfly.  Its like every fall, when the "open enrollment" starts again for the advantage programs, the ads start "chumming " the seniors and they get confused again.  Don't think it should be legal to say they are "medicare" unless its Medicare (with the capitol M).  Sigh.


----------



## peppermint (Nov 20, 2019)

Butterfly said:


> Strongly agree.
> 
> 
> Regardless of what they told you, these nurses were not from Medicare, which is a federal program.  They may have been from another insurance company, or a medicare advantage program, but they were not sent by federal Medicare.
> ...


You are right, the Nurse was working for Medicare...We are now on a different plan....And a Nurse came to my house yesterday and she will come again for my husband in December....We don't have to pay for the plan....But when we did have Medicare, my husband had nurses when he came
home from the Hospital....NO CHARGE...…………. I don't lie....


----------



## peppermint (Nov 20, 2019)

It seems people are grumpy today and think they no everything.....Wow!!!   I thought this was a nice Forum


----------



## Butterfly (Nov 21, 2019)

Peppermint, I assume the "grumpy" designation was aimed at me.  

I simply strongly believe that we all should know precisely what our medical carriers are, what they will and not do, and what we can expect.  Otherwise we can be targets for fraud, identity theft, and possibly much worse.  I believe it is incumbent on all of us to protect ourselves from such threats by being prudent and aware of the things we can do to protect ourselves.  

And no, I do not "no" everything, but because of my work background I know a good bit about Medicare. 

And BTW, having home healthcare nurses visit after a hospital stay (this is often prescribed by your physician) is a whole different kettle of fish than random nurses from an advantage plan showing up at your home absent medical need to "help" you manage.


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## peppermint (Nov 22, 2019)

The lady was a nurse....Working for Aetna....


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## Pepper (Nov 22, 2019)

Aetna is a Private Insurance Company, Not Medicare.  I guess you have them for Medicare Advantage, which is not the same thing.


----------



## peppermint (Nov 22, 2019)

Pepper said:


> Aetna is a Private Insurance Company, Not Medicare.  I guess you have them for Medicare Advantage, which is not the same thing.


Correct


----------



## Old Dummy (Nov 22, 2019)

Wow.


----------



## peppermint (Nov 22, 2019)

Butterfly said:


> Peppermint, I assume the "grumpy" designation was aimed at me.
> 
> I simply strongly believe that we all should know precisely what our medical carriers are, what they will and not do, and what we can expect.  Otherwise we can be targets for fraud, identity theft, and possibly much worse.  I believe it is incumbent on all of us to protect ourselves from such threats by being prudent and aware of the things we can do to protect ourselves.
> 
> ...


Aetna is our new healthcare....It started in January 2019.....They called on the phone many times and I didn't want them to come to my home at
that time….They called again and I had the Nurse come to our home....It wasn't a big deal....We don't pay for the Nurses.....It's something they are
doing now in New Jersey, Aetna....They are coming again for my husband....Yes, when we had Nurses when husband came home from the Hospital and
the nurse's helped my husband....For  twice a week for 2 weeks....My granddaughter took over when they left...She is a Nurse....
Then Aetna took over our healthcare....I'm fortunate I worked in a School System.....I did my 25 years....So we take whatever they give us....


----------



## Pepper (Nov 22, 2019)

What did you do in a school system?  A teacher?  Secretary?  Para?  Just curious.  Nice to work in a school.  Like schools.


----------



## Suzy623 (Nov 22, 2019)

Lvstotrvl said:


> Suzy, I don’t understand why Medicare n his insurance wouldn’t help with your dad? Have you thought about Hospice, I had to call them when my hubby was dying last year, I really needed help because I was going to keep him home with me. Medicare n his insurance paid for everything n not once did they ask about my financial affairs.


Medicare can help with home hospice. They did it for my sister and then for my mother before they died. Right now I can handle daddy but I know he will get worse as the days go buy. Memory Care is a live-in facility and, from what I understand, costs a few thousand dollars a month.

Please let me know if I am wrong.


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## Lvstotrvl (Nov 23, 2019)

Suzy623 said:


> Medicare can help with home hospice. They did it for my sister and then for my mother before they died. Right now I can handle daddy but I know he will get worse as the days go buy. Memory Care is a live-in facility and, from what I understand, costs a few thousand dollars a month.
> 
> Please let me know if I am wrong.


Suzy, Hospice has a facility as well, when you find things are more than you can handle.  Medicare will pay for that too, please  look into this, being a caretaker is hard enough without having to worry about what’s next! Good luck


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## Sassycakes (Nov 23, 2019)

peppermint said:


> I hope some can understand what I will write....I got a phone call from my Medicare....Very lovely lady....It wasn't the first time they called me..  The 2 times they called we were going out of town....So this time I gave in and told them yes....
> A nurse will be coming to my home...Really!!!!   I was just to my Doctor last week and I am fine!!!!   So I got the phone call
> today to tell me what time the Nurse is coming to my home....I will have to show her my meds....Now come on, they know
> what meds I have!!!!   I only went to the Doctor this year and not that I was sick...This new Medicare just came out this year....It seems our other Medicare shipped out....I was a Secretary for a School System....I did my 25 years....Then we get
> ...




*My Daughter is an Pediatric RN and was offered a job to go to children's  homes to help take care of them. She did it for a few weeks and then was offered a job as a school nurse where her daughter attends. She took the school nurse job to be near her daughter. She did enjoy taking care of the children at their homes ,but would rather be with her daughter. I think it's wonderful to be able to have a nurse come to your house.*


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## peppermint (Nov 23, 2019)

Pepper said:


> What did you do in a school system?  A teacher?  Secretary?  Para?  Just curious.  Nice to work in a school.  Like schools.


Hi!   I worked in a school system for 25 years...I was a Secretary in the High School Office....with 3 other ladies....My 2 children also
graduated from the same High School....I lived 4 miles from the school....Before working in the High School, I worked part time in
various stores when my children were in elementary school....We were in Ohio at the time, then came back to our State...And are still
here....Thanks for being curious....


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## peppermint (Nov 23, 2019)

Sassycakes said:


> *My Daughter is an Pediatric RN and was offered a job to go to children's  homes to help take care of them. She did it for a few weeks and then was offered a job as a school nurse where her daughter attends. She took the school nurse job to be near her daughter. She did enjoy taking care of the children at their homes ,but would rather be with her daughter. I think it's wonderful to be able to have a nurse come to your house.*


Thank you, Sassy....


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## Suzy623 (Nov 23, 2019)

Lvstotrvl said:


> Suzy, Hospice has a facility as well, when you find things are more than you can handle.  Medicare will pay for that too, please  look into this, being a caretaker is hard enough without having to worry about what’s next! Good luck ❤


I may have to address that in time. I guess I'm only familiar with home hospice and with the hospital hospice. I'll check into it. Several years my daddy had a stroke and was in rehab for a couple of months. Thinking back, I believe there was a nursing home and hospice center in there as well. But daddy will more than likely need memory care at some point because of his Alzheimer's. Don't think this particular center had Memory Care.

Thanks for the lead, though. And thanks for the encouragement.


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## AntlerMan (Dec 4, 2019)

Has anyone considered/completed home renovations or modifications to help you stay in your own home longer on your own? There are many things that seem to be useful like walk in showers, grab bars, wider doorways, and even some cool technology that can help a lot. Curious to know your experiences?


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## Suzy623 (Dec 4, 2019)

I have the grab bars and the handles for the toilets; got those when my sister and mother were living. Also have rollator, walker, cane, wheelchair, shower seats. My plan is to replace the tub/shower with a walk in shower unit once things settle down a bit. There's a walk in shower in my daddy's bathroom but I want the one in the main bath replaced. Don't anticipate widening doors but I've found out that things happen so, even though I don't plan on doing it, it may be a necessity at some point.

My Echo dot (Alexa) will come in handy for emergencies. I just need to set it up! LOL! I've even got the light bulbs for it. Just keep procrastinating on it.


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## oldal (Dec 5, 2019)

I'm 82 and partially disabled. My Granddaughter and her family live with me. Without them here, I couldn't live alone. It is of mutual benefit to all concerned, I pay most of the bills, and they take care of the things I can't do.


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## katlupe (Feb 9, 2020)

I live in senior housing, which is individual apartments. Many of the residents are disabled and have lived here for years. Two ladies, who could not live alone if they were in their own houses, but do very well here. They are both about 95 or so and have lived here for over 20 years. One lady's daughter and son-in-law live in their own apartment and they help her. The other lady goes out almost daily. I wake up at five in the morning to hear her vacuuming the hall in front of her apartment. 

Some people here have personal aides who come to help them do cleaning or other chores. Our local Office for the Aging arranges whatever services or resources needed to help you stay in your own home. It is easier living in place like this due to everything is set up for mobility issues. A bus comes right to our door and is only fifty cents with your Medicare card. Right now my only hardship is transportation but I plan on learning how to use the bus system and take a cab a few times, just to know it is available. My bf comes from his house and takes me wherever I need to go. But some day, he might not be there.


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## Gaer (Feb 9, 2020)

This is only my 2nd post.  I'm in my 70's and in great health!  I'm alone. Very, very alone and when I feel I don't think I can go on, well, I think I'll go back to Alaska, buy a snowmobile and ride out into the sunset!


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## Liberty (Feb 10, 2020)

Welcome to the forum...you aren't alone here, trust me on that!


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## Gaer (Feb 10, 2020)

Liberty said:


> Welcome to the forum...you aren't alone here, trust me on that!View attachment 91010


Thanks, Liberty!  That was kind of you to welcome me!


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## Kaila (Feb 10, 2020)

@Gaer 
I want to welcome you also!


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## Liberty (Feb 10, 2020)

Gaer said:


> Thanks, Liberty!  That was kind of you to welcome me!


There are lots of us who will welcome you as an online forum friend.  Gotta embrace change or it will
grind you under the heel of its boots...kind of like coming to Texas...lol!


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## charry (Feb 10, 2020)

welcome gaer..x


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## StarSong (Feb 11, 2020)

Welcome from Los Angeles!


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## treeguy64 (Feb 11, 2020)




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## Pinky (Feb 11, 2020)




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## Gaer (Feb 11, 2020)

Kaila said:


> @Gaer
> I want to welcome you also!


Thank you!  You guys are so sweet!


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## Liberty (Feb 12, 2020)

Yeah, we can fool the newbies real easy...lol!


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## RuthW54 (Feb 18, 2020)

fuzzybuddy said:


> I am going back to live in my home on Wednesday. I'm 73 and in a wheelchair. Right now, I live in a "Senior Home". The question is how long can I continue to live at home. Sooner or later, the day is coming when I can't be by myself. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. I'm not rich, nor do I have scads of nieces, grand daughters, who will take me in , and care for me. As unpleasant as it is, what are you going to do when you can no longer live alone?


I've been thinking about the same thing. I'm down in FL now and have been searching for options. There seems to be a new concept for home sharing for seniors that sounds interesting. It looks like you live in a normal house or apartment and they match you up with compatible people. Similar to a college living situation...everything is managed for you. I'm looking into it further as it could be a good option.


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## Liberty (Feb 18, 2020)

RuthW54 said:


> I've been thinking about the same thing. I'm down in FL now and have been searching for options. There seems to be a new concept for home sharing for seniors that sounds interesting. It looks like you live in a normal house or apartment and they match you up with compatible people. Similar to a college living situation...everything is managed for you. I'm looking into it further as it could be a good option.


Ruth, do you want to share the name of the concept or the facility you are looking into for others that might also be interested...it sounds very interesting for single retirees.


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## RuthW54 (Feb 18, 2020)

Liberty said:


> Ruth, do you want to share the name of the concept or the facility you are looking into for others that might also be interested...it sounds very interesting for single retirees.


Sure yes. The one company I found is called Upside Home. Here's the website, looks very interesting, www.upsidehom.com. Much cheaper than independent living facilities too it seems...


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## Liberty (Feb 18, 2020)

RuthW54 said:


> Sure yes. The one company I found is called Upside Home. Here's the website, looks very interesting, www.upsidehom.com. Much cheaper than independent living facilities too it seems...


Interesting that they do the "match" for you.  Please keep us posted.  This is a very interesting topic for singles I'd think!  Thanks.


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## MythicArtist (Feb 19, 2020)

DID YOU KNOW?  Okay, so only 4.5% of the entire poulation ends up in a nursing home and 2% in a assisted living. My sister was a home health nurse and we discussed our worst nightmare until we learned that very few people actually have to do this. They are valuable places and I know from experience with my mother-in-law, Cynthia. She lived in a senior living high-rise in Grand Rapids, MI because her sister moved there - it was sliding scale (she had little social security) and she absolutely loved it - it was a great place; I wouldn't have minded living there. A friend of mind lives in a sliding-scale apartment building in Atlanta while she continues to run her non-profit performance group (which she's done for decades), teaches creative writing, and still performs ... but she's living on a modest budget and living large in her own way.

None of my grandparents or parents -well up into their 90's all continued to live independently ... and one of my grandmothers in a wheelchair ... still pulling her up to the counter to bake her own bread at least 3 times per week. Now, everyone is different and so is their income ... but I will tell you this without a shadow of a doubt that FEAR is the worst of ALL the enemies. I don't have much money, just starting a new business after the economic downturn closed my former business and my recent company closed it's doors (I know how to do this), and if I decide I don't want to work anymore I'm heading to South America ... lots of ex-pats and it's extremely affordable. Even on a modest income you can afford to hire people to cook and clean. 

I have Plans A, B, C and D to choose from and as long as I'm straight between the ears I'm not going anywhere I don't want to go. If I ever lose my faculties I figure I won't care too much at that point. Don't let fear be the determining factor of premature aging and losing your independence. There are creative options. 

There are nice places, there are sliding scale residences with community, there are alternatives living styles ... be creative, be strong, be willing to make decisions about what you really want (within your means) ... or join me in South American some day!


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## Lakeland living (Feb 19, 2020)

Welcome MA, like your thinking about centers and how few actually end up in them.
  I won't be one of them, love my life, brain is still working.(no matter what others say lol )
Enjoy this forum...


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## Liberty (Feb 20, 2020)

MythicArtist said:


> DID YOU KNOW?  Okay, so only 4.5% of the entire poulation ends up in a nursing home and 2% in a assisted living. My sister was a home health nurse and we discussed our worst nightmare until we learned that very few people actually have to do this. They are valuable places and I know from experience with my mother-in-law, Cynthia. She lived in a senior living high-rise in Grand Rapids, MI because her sister moved there - it was sliding scale (she had little social security) and she absolutely loved it - it was a great place; I wouldn't have minded living there. A friend of mind lives in a sliding-scale apartment building in Atlanta while she continues to run her non-profit performance group (which she's done for decades), teaches creative writing, and still performs ... but she's living on a modest budget and living large in her own way.
> 
> None of my grandparents or parents -well up into their 90's all continued to live independently ... and one of my grandmothers in a wheelchair ... still pulling her up to the counter to bake her own bread at least 3 times per week. Now, everyone is different and so is their income ... but I will tell you this without a shadow of a doubt that FEAR is the worst of ALL the enemies. I don't have much money, just starting a new business after the economic downturn closed my former business and my recent company closed it's doors (I know how to do this), and if I decide I don't want to work anymore I'm heading to South America ... lots of ex-pats and it's extremely affordable. Even on a modest income you can afford to hire people to cook and clean.
> 
> ...


Very good post Mythic...if I might ask, where in South America would you recommend, and are the medical facilities adequate there?  I  know a couple from Peru that come to Miami for medical treatment (that's why I'm asking).  They might be interested to know of more affordable places near them to go for medical treatment.  

Welcome to the forum, hope you enjoy it here.


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## StarSong (Feb 20, 2020)

Welcome, MA!  

I must admit that I was doubtful of the statistics you cited in your first paragraph, but some research proved them to be true. https://nursinghomediaries.com/howmany/

Wow! So different from the scare tactics that say somewhere around 50% of seniors wind up in SNFs, but fail to mention that most stays are very short post-hospital rehabs.


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## charry (Feb 20, 2020)

well, when i cant live alone, it wont be my choice anymore, so i ll do what im told.....


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## Pecos (Feb 20, 2020)

StarSong said:


> Welcome, MA!
> 
> I must admit that I was doubtful of the statistics you cited in your first paragraph, but some research proved them to be true. https://nursinghomediaries.com/howmany/
> 
> Wow! So different from the scare tactics that say somewhere around 50% of seniors wind up in SNFs, but fail to mention that most stays are very short post-hospital rehabs.


StarSong
Thanks, that is a good link.


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## Gardenlover (Feb 20, 2020)

I'll become a yogi, start  a commune and live among the beautiful people, baby.


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## Liberty (Feb 21, 2020)

Gardenlover said:


> I'll become a yogi, start  a commune and live among the beautiful people, baby.


Better get going Gardenguy...hey, hear becoming a yogi takes time...lol.


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## Catlady (Feb 21, 2020)

@MythicArtist -  If living in South America is one of your contingency plans, I hope you're learning or already know Spanish.  I've read good stories AND bad stories about ex-pats.  Me, I prefer the good old USA, will figure out a way to live here until the end.

https://www.investopedia.com/articl...6/7-best-countries-retiring-latin-america.asp


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## Pete (Feb 21, 2020)

fuzzybuddy said:


> As unpleasant as it is, what are you going to do when you can no longer live alone?


This will no doubt be removed, but it is the truth.

...Strange no one is writing about the obvious solution that doesn't burden one's family
go out alone in the evening in some rural area and do some jogging. I know it sounds crass and I do not know if I would have the strength of will to do it but, when I was told by my cardiologist that my life expectancy was two years I moved to a remote cabin in the Northern wilderness of Alaska that was totally isolated and spent my days reveling in the handiwork of God waiting for that one final pain in my chest.


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## Gardenlover (Feb 21, 2020)

Liberty said:


> Better get going Gardenguy...hey, hear becoming a yogi takes time...lol.


I'm close, very close.


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## StarSong (Feb 22, 2020)

Pete said:


> This will no doubt be removed, but it is the truth.
> 
> ...Strange no one is writing about the obvious solution that doesn't burden one's family
> go out alone in the evening in some rural area and do some jogging. I know it sounds crass and I do not know if I would have the strength of will to do it but, when I was told by my cardiologist that my life expectancy was two years I moved to a remote cabin in the Northern wilderness of Alaska that was totally isolated and spent my days reveling in the handiwork of God waiting for that one final pain in my chest.
> ...


Not to point out the obvious, but since your location is listed as Texas it appears changed your mind about that final jog into the wilderness.  Or changed doctors or your health habits.  

Why would you think the mods would remove your post?


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## Coldfeet58 (Mar 17, 2020)

norman said:


> This is a real concern, I think about it quite often.  My daughter who always handled all my businness and legal issues moved away to be close to her daughter.  I still drive, mow my own yard and get along very well, but that could change in a second.   We decided that we would never send our parents to a nursing home and it damn near killed us taking care of them.   Having visited many nursing homes I think I would rather just sew a cyanide capsule in my lip and just choose my own exit time.  With my luck I would probably be enjoying a pepperoni pizza at Pizza Hut and crunch  down on the damn thing.  Strange as it may sound I have never discussed my final exit with my daughter.    :yoda:


Totally understand.


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## bearcat (Mar 18, 2020)

fuzzybuddy said:


> I am going back to live in my home on Wednesday. I'm 73 and in a wheelchair. Right now, I live in a "Senior Home". The question is how long can I continue to live at home. Sooner or later, the day is coming when I can't be by myself. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. I'm not rich, nor do I have scads of nieces, grand daughters, who will take me in , and care for me. As unpleasant as it is, what are you going to do when you can no longer live alone?


I wonder if you could purchase a life insurance policy, then strike a deal with someone:  take me in, care for me, and you will be named the beneficiary.


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