# A few bits from the bible >>>



## Falcon (Dec 22, 2014)

Can you imagine the nun sitting at her desk grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure! 


Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the bible even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a catholic elementary school test. 

Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following 25 statements about the bible were written by children. 

They have not been retouched or corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in.

1. In the first book of the bible, guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.

2. Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was joan of ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears. 

3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night. 

4. The jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like delilah. 

6. Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles. 

7. Moses led the jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread,which is bread without any ingredients. 

8. The egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, moses went up to mount cyanide to get the ten commandments.

9. The first commandments was when eve told adam to eat the apple.

10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. 

11. Moses died before he ever reached canada then joshua led the hebrews in the battle of geritol. 

12. The greatest miricle in the bible is when joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

13. David was a hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.

14. Solomon, one of davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. 

15. When mary heard she was the mother of jesus, she sang the magna carta. 

16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found jesus in the manager. 

17. Jesus was born because mary had an immaculate contraption. 

18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head. 

19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.

20. It was a miricle when jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance. 

21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.

22. The epistels were the wives of the apostles.

23. One of the oppossums was st. Matthew who was also a taximan.

24. St. Paul cavorted to christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. 

25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.


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## RadishRose (Dec 22, 2014)

I am having a good laugh!!


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## Vivjen (Dec 22, 2014)




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## hollydolly (Dec 22, 2014)

LMAO>>.that's Hysterical... :lol1:


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## pumpkin (Dec 28, 2014)

that is so cute


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## Rob (Jan 3, 2015)

King David rode a motorcycle ... "His Triumph was heard throughout the land"


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## Pappy (Jan 3, 2015)

The King said, " Come forth, John."

John slipped on a banana peel and came in fifth.


( best I got til I've have my second cup of coffee )


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## SifuPhil (Jan 3, 2015)

These are great! :biggrin-new:


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## RadishRose (Jan 3, 2015)

Q. Why did God create man before woman?
 A.  Because He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.


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## hollydolly (Jan 3, 2015)

Pappy said:


> The King said, " Come forth, John."
> 
> John slipped on a banana peel and came in fifth.
> 
> ...



That reminds me of the story my mum used to tell of when she was little back in the 40's..


My mum was raised by Catholic nuns, and one day she stood at morning service during bible reading an announced ''And the Lord said unto Moses..come forth...and Moses came fifth and won a bag of nuts''...


ermmm her punishment was harsh and swift!!..but she was unrepentant.. LOL


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## Denise1952 (Jan 3, 2015)

oh I'm laughing out loud too John, very funny, love little kids and the things they say


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## Ina (Jan 3, 2015)

:clap::clap::clap:


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## Ina (Jan 3, 2015)

One of my granddaughters is biracial,and when she was four someone asked her who she thought she was. So she put her little hands on her hips, and told him, "My momma is white, my daddy is black, and I'm Mexican."


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## pumpkin (Oct 27, 2015)

My grandson who is six is home schooled. His father tells him "you will go to medical school, you must learn your Latin." So they went to church and someone asked him what grade are you in? He replied medical school.


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## RadishRose (Oct 27, 2015)

I'm laughing again


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