# What do you think of women being called names?



## Ruthanne (Feb 20, 2017)

What do you think of society allowing women to be labeled as bitches, whores, sluts, the "c" word, and the like?  We have all grown up hearing these words and are used to them.  I know some women have retaliated by calling men bitches, too.  Think about it.  Why should women be labeled all of those words? * If we are equals*?  We do hope to be equals! Men are *not* commonly called all of those words.  :notfair:


----------



## Warrigal (Feb 20, 2017)

I am a woman and I hate it. It makes me angry to be called sexist names.

However, being Australian I can cope if there is some context.
Call me a bitch and I will delete you from my circle of friends, but call me a mad bitch with a smile on your face and I will probably laugh too.


----------



## Iodine (Feb 20, 2017)

I don't think anyone should be called names, man or woman.  I know some do it in fun, but I'm not in that group of people.


----------



## Shalimar (Feb 20, 2017)

Words have power. Few of us are so secure that we are immune to all verbal slights. Being castigated comes with the territory in my job. Usually I consider the source, my clients are in a great deal of pain and lashing out, rarely personal. (Sadly, the 

male therapists seldom are spoken to with the level of venom meted out to female ones.) Still, I am only human, and on occasion it hurts. In my private life, no man, or woman, for that matter addresses me in such a fashion 

and gets away with it. If we do not voice our objections nothing will change. There are some negative words used against men, often insinuating their masculinity is wanting, but we women still bear the brunt of words used to shame us, coerce, and intimidate us, and deprive us of 

the dignity which as human beings we deserve. We are equal by right of our humanity, no one can steal that from us, as yet 
the  world does not treat us so. Ultimately it is about power, and predatory species rarely give up power willingly.


----------



## Ruthanne (Feb 20, 2017)

Warrigal said:


> I am a woman and I hate it. It makes me angry to be called sexist names.
> 
> However, being Australian I can cope if there is some context.
> Call me a bitch and I will delete you from my circle of friends, but call me a mad bitch with a smile on your face and I will probably laugh too.


I have just been walking down the street doing nothing and been yelled at and called a "bitch" for no reason!  How does being Australian help you cope with it Warri?



Iodine said:


> I don't think anyone should be called names, man or woman.  I know some do it in fun, but I'm not in that group of people.


I agree, I don't think anyone should be called demeaning names either and I don't associate with those who do it.  I had made friends with some who did it and ended the friendship because of that.



Shalimar said:


> Words have power. Few of us are so secure that we are immune to all verbal slights. Being castigated comes with the territory in my job. Usually I consider the source, my clients are in a great deal of pain and lashing out, rarely personal. (Sadly, the
> 
> male therapists seldom are spoken to with the level of venom meted out to female ones.) Still, I am only human, and on occasion it hurts. In my private life, no man, or woman, for that matter addresses me in such a fashion
> 
> ...


It's sad that you have had to endure that and I'm sorry some have been insensitive toward you.  We do deserve dignity and you are right that the world does not treat us so!  We have made a bit of progress but have a long way to go.  I know fully well what you mean by a predatory species that has the power..I love this video:


----------



## Kadee (Feb 20, 2017)

I have a DIL called Sheila ...it was common to hear mainly men using it as slang word for women ,many years ago, ( in Australia ) .......often used  ,Hey did you see that Sheila .!!

.....It's still used occasionally ,I heard a man refer to a woman as the "Sheila " only two,days ago 

Warri may be enlighten us where the slang "Sheila" originated


----------



## Warrigal (Feb 21, 2017)

I don't really know KD. I had an auntie called Sheila and all I know that it is of Irish origin.

This explanation is as good as any



> It is not still used by many Australians. If you use it you will sound old and rural.
> 
> Old farmers still use it still and it now sounds very rural. It comes from the Irish name Shelagh which used to be a common name for Australian women.
> 
> ...


----------



## Capt Lightning (Feb 21, 2017)

Many years ago, a group of us were working out in Rochester, Minnesota.  One of the guys came from Yorkshire, and would usually call women "love".  One day an American female colleague reported him for ****** harassment for greeting her with "Morning love" , which in the UK would be a friendly gesture.  She was called much worse names after that.


----------



## Laurie (Feb 21, 2017)

"We have all grown up hearing these words and are used to them. "

Damned if I did, nor have I got used to them (and I'n a 40 year vet, so no prude!) in mixed company.

I would not even have thought of saying "damned" in front of my father, let alone my mother, until I was married   and well into my twenties.

It's entirely a modern thing, and I find it no moew acceptable now than I ever did.


----------



## Silver (Feb 21, 2017)

It's  sad  we have come so far but not if that makes sense.  

There is no need for name calling it seems people who fear stronger women resort to name calling. Their problem not ours.


----------



## Aunt Bea (Feb 21, 2017)

IMO we are all guilty and it starts off slowly with small children then picks up speed with teenagers and young adults.  I also believe that the anonymity of the internet and the looser standards of cable television has caused people to become bolder with using derogatory words and phrases in everyday conversations.

It makes me sad that we still live in a world where people use phrases that make females appear to be less than males in some way.

Like I said it starts young when you hear phrases like these directed at boys.

_Don't be a sissy._

_He screamed like a little girl._
_
He runs like a girl.

Lets go ladies!

_


----------



## Silver (Feb 21, 2017)

I have never been a name caller  so I find it alien to me anyway. I agree with Aunt Bea's  analogy though.


----------



## Warrigal (Feb 21, 2017)

Ruthanne said:


> I have just been walking down the street doing nothing and been yelled at and called a "bitch" for no reason!  How does being Australian help you cope with it Warri?



You have to understand how the word 'bastard' is bandied around. It can be friendly or hostile depending on the qualifier at the front. The context changes as follows



> *bastard* /ˈbɑːstə(r)d/ – general purpose designation for a person or persons, may be either a term of endearment or an expression of hostility or resentment. It has sometimes been called "the great Australian endearment", but can also be an insult; interpreted according to context.
> 
> Calling someone "a silly bastard" is affectionate: calling them "a stupid bastard" is a serious insult.
> 
> According to a cricketing anecdote, during the "Bodyline" series of 1932–33, the England captain complained to the Australian captain, Bill Woodfull, that an Australian player had called one of his players a bastard. Woodfull supposedly turned to his team and said: "Which one of you bastards called this bastard's bowler a bastard?" When the English Captain, Douglas Jardine, brushed a fly from his face a voice from the crowd called out, "Jardine, yer pommie bastard, leave our flies alone!"



You need to be a local to work out the subtleties. Old bastard is good, mean bastard is bad, and lousy bastard is very bad. The tone of voice and body language give a clue but if you are having your leg pulled there might be some discordance.


----------



## Ray (Feb 21, 2017)

I a man may be offered his two cents - yes, there are intentional insults offered. But yes, there are terms ("love") that are gender related but stated affectionately or in friendship. Shall me ban any and all intergender terms and make believe they we are all asexual??

Let's lighten up and concern ourselves with the distinction between insults and friendly comments. Intent is the point.

I for example am often called "studmuffin" and have never once complained even thought it might be called "sexist".


----------



## Warrigal (Feb 21, 2017)

:lol: In your dreams, Ray, or possibly in your bathroom mirror. :grin: :hide:


----------



## Ray (Feb 21, 2017)

Warrigal said:


> :lol: In your dreams, Ray, or possibly in your bathroom mirror. :grin: :hide:



Sunnuvagun, you've been peeking!!!


----------



## SeaBreeze (Feb 21, 2017)

Iodine said:


> I don't think anyone should be called names, man or woman.  I know some do it in fun, but I'm not in that group of people.



I agree Iodine, I don't think it's really a woman thing either, both sexes have been called various names in society.  I'm not into name calling and I haven't directly been called those names by friends or strangers.  The language doesn't bother me that much, it's very common these days in real life and on TV or in movies.  I wonder how many times some of us women here have been watching a movie like Mommy Dearest and haven't watched the character like the mother and thought to ourselves 'what a bitch', I know I have.

I have to say that in all my years in the workplace if a woman is acting like a bitch or a slut, other women are eager to use those words against her, but it's usually behind her back.  So men are not just the guilty ones.


----------



## SeaBreeze (Feb 21, 2017)

Ray said:


> I for example am often called "studmuffin" and have never once complained even thought it might be called "sexist".



My heart goes out to you Ray, that must have been traumatic for you.  I admire you for being strong and not complaining, quite the burden to bear. :hair:


----------



## Lon (Feb 21, 2017)

I don't think about it at all.


----------



## Deucemoi (Feb 21, 2017)

mmm.. dirty words, hey?.. 007 called M bitch in one of the movies, crocodille dundee called the reporter sheila in the first movie. So what's in a name. depends, are you pissed, are you funning, or just amusing yourself? I have been called names and I have done so myself. as the old saying goes 'sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me'.


----------



## Silver (Feb 21, 2017)

I would imagine you would find that a compliment Ray


----------



## Wilberforce (Feb 21, 2017)

I do not accept it. If it happens I say I find that offensive  or familiar and it  stops. I have done that all my life. The same as my first name, I do not allow  folks to use it without permission. I am Mrs  until such time as I choose differently.  If I am asked my name by some unfamiliar person I say my last name, when they ask for my first I say Mrs.

I have never had a problem with it


----------



## Ray (Feb 21, 2017)

SeaBreeze - thank you for the kind words. It is a burden but one I must bear (or is that bare?).

Silver - note carefully the tongue firmly implanted in the cheek.


----------



## Kitties (Feb 21, 2017)

I've been harassed and bullied and probably called every name. I don't think name calling is right. I'm not above it. Especially if I'm complaining about someone at work I don't like but that's in a private conversation. And we do need to vent sometimes in my line of work.

But generalized name calling is not good. I think a lot of attitudes start at home. Seriously when I owned a house for 7 years. If this was a good cross section of people, we are in trouble.


----------



## Dennis K (Feb 21, 2017)

I have been women at times and they get called names like that, but always out of reach of course.
It is such a stupid thing to hear someone do that and do not understand why they would.
I have never know a woman or seen a woman that I would stoop that low.


----------



## Redlo Nosrep (Feb 21, 2017)

Deucemoi said:


> mmm.. dirty words, hey?.. 007 called M bitch in one of the movies, crocodille dundee called the reporter sheila in the first movie. So what's in a name. depends, are you pissed, are you funning, or just amusing yourself? I have been called names and I have done so myself. as the old saying goes 'sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me'.



This is my outlook on life, Deuce. Words have power to offend, insult or upset you only if you let them. It's a learned response to shrug them off or to reply in kind if the insult-slinging is done in a humorous manner. I say this because, while I was in the work force, ****** harassment was graded, not reported. Contractors whistling and hooting and shouting innuendos was a regular part of life on the streets. As a stewardess, I heard it all: Hey, baby, want to join the Mile High Club with me? Wow, you've got a great ass. Etc. etc. In their defense, airline customers in the Seventies were bombarded with ad messages about how we were all easy and just asking for it by looking glamorous and serving them liquor and food. As a belly dancer in a Middle Eastern club for several years, I heard come-ons and slurs every night I danced, and I always found that a smile and ignoring the provocation was the best response.


----------



## applepie_luvr (Feb 21, 2017)

Ruthanne said:


> What do you think of society allowing women to be labeled as bitches, whores, sluts, the "c" word, and the like?  We have all grown up hearing these words and are used to them.  I know some women have retaliated by calling men bitches, too.  Think about it.  Why should women be labeled all of those words? * If we are equals*?  We do hope to be equals! Men are *not* commonly called all of those words.  :notfair:



Wow! Have you been living in la la land? Misandry much?


----------



## Stormy (Feb 21, 2017)

Ruthanne said:


> I have just been walking down the street doing nothing and been yelled at and called a "bitch" for no reason!


Wow Ruthanne that's crazy what kind of a person would call you a bitch when you're just walking down the street? Was it a complete stranger and what do you think made him do that? If that's standard in your neighborhood, I think I'd get out because that's just too toxic for me


Ray said:


> I for example am often called "studmuffin" and have never once complained even thought it might be called "sexist".


Ray you have a good sense of humor :laugh:



Kitties said:


> I've been harassed and bullied and probably called every name. I don't think name calling is right. I'm not above it. Especially if I'm complaining about someone at work I don't like but that's in a private conversation.


I'm sorry you were harassed like that Kitties and I think you're a strong woman to be able to admit that you're not above it when complaining in private conversations. The women who deny ever doing it are not being honest



Redlo Nosrep said:


> Contractors whistling and hooting and shouting innuendos was a regular part of life on the streets.


I was never a stewardess or dancer Redlo Nosrep but I also have always had some things shouted at me by male admirers like hey sweetheart honey or baby and I usually just ignored it and it still happens sometimes even today as a senior.  I never had anything really nasty said to me on the street by a man most of them were just being friendly and hopeful.  But I wouldn't get involved with someone so vocal like that not my type


----------



## Butterfly (Feb 21, 2017)

> Originally Posted by *Ruthanne*
> 
> 
> I have just been walking down the street doing nothing and been yelled at and called a "bitch" for no reason!
> ...



I've been in some pretty dodgy places in my life, but I've never had anyone just out of the blue call me a bad name for no reason.  I agree with Stormy -- I'd stay out of that neighborhood.

I don't like the name calling, either, but it's not something I see on the street here in normal everyday context.  In areas where gangs are prevalent, yes, but not really anywhere else.  I have never been called any of those names to my face (probably behind my back, though), and I've never, and will never call anyone those names to their face (maybe out of earshot or in my car, though, in all honesty.)

I think it's part of the general decline in civility in our culture, and it's deplorable.

I think it is rude and disrespectful, but there's  nothing I can do about it (except to not participate) and I'm not going to get all torqued up about it.


----------



## Wilberforce (Feb 21, 2017)

Stormy, I take exception to your comment about" the women who deny ever doing  it are not honest"
I do not use words like that not even in private, it is rude and what is more it would be while gossiping which is a no no for me because it is a sin, and against my faith. I would like that clearly understood please


----------



## Capt Lightning (Feb 22, 2017)

Wilberforce said:


> The same as my first name, I do not allow  folks to use it without permission. I am Mrs  until such time as I choose differently.  If I am asked my name by some unfamiliar person I say my last name, when they ask for my first I say Mrs.
> 
> I have never had a problem with it


I worked for an American company in the UK and it was first names only - from the Plant manager to the cleaner.  Your insistence on 'Mrs' was typical of how I found Germany 40 years ago.  I expect it still persists in some places, but increasingly its first names.  You wouldn't fit in at all in this village.  It's all first names and in small communities, you have to fit it.  I fear your approach would be viewed as very rude and aloof.


----------



## Butterfly (Feb 22, 2017)

Everywhere I've ever worked (fairly formal environments) it has always been first names within ourselves, Mr. or Ms. X when clients are present, or when to referring to each other in front of a client (as in Mr, X can't see you until Friday).  To insist on being called Ms. X among just the employees would have been seen as very uppity.


----------



## Wilberforce (Feb 22, 2017)

Too bad, my name is a gift that I give freely , not a right. I lived in a very small village in the UK and I fit in just fine and I do every time I go back too, and everyone calls me by my first name..rude and aloof, just goes to show how one can be mis judged on the net.  Of course it is increasingly first names, I have no problem with that but when introduced to someone  by a friend they already know my choices. I was talking more of salemen etc trying to be "friends". 

Personally out of respect I would call a person by the name they preferred, whether it be their first name, a middle name, a nick name or their married name, to want to call them something different would in my book be insolent.  If introduced to someone as say Jane Doe ( ie both names) I would ask how they would want to be addressed. I would not presume nor would I judge.  I certainly would not consider them rude for their choice.

 I sign my posts with my name  

XX Jeannine

I am not sure about the German 40s reference


----------



## Buckeye (Feb 22, 2017)

Certainly I agree with Ruthanne in the OP that we should not be calling anyone rude names.  And I agree with Jeannine that we should be allowed some control over how we are addressed.  For example, way back in 1946, my parents thought that Kay would be a nice middle name for a little fella.  I was teased a lot when I was in elementary school about it, and hated it.  I've forgiven my parents though.     I will say that I have learned to shrug off folks that use what I would consider overly friendly ways of addressing people they don't know.  Luv, Honey, Sweetie, etc.  Sure beats the names Ruthanne brought up in her original post!


----------



## Butterfly (Feb 23, 2017)

Wilberforce said:


> Too bad, my name is a gift that I give freely , not a right. I lived in a very small village in the UK and I fit in just fine and I do every time I go back too, and everyone calls me by my first name..rude and aloof, just goes to show how one can be mis judged on the net.  Of course it is increasingly first names, I have no problem with that but when introduced to someone  by a friend they already know my choices. I was talking more of salemen etc trying to be "friends".
> 
> Personally out of respect I would call a person by the name they preferred, whether it be their first name, a middle name, a nick name or their married name, to want to call them something different would in my book be insolent.  If introduced to someone as say Jane Doe ( ie both names) I would ask how they would want to be addressed. I would not presume nor would I judge.  I certainly would not consider them rude for their choice.
> 
> ...



Jeannine, I did not mean to imply that I disrespected your view in this matter, I was just reporting how it is where I live.  I'm in the southwestern US, which I realize is probably very different in its attitudes than where you live.


----------



## Ruthanne (Feb 23, 2017)

First of all I am talking about using demeaning words in a demeaning way.  

I believe that many women have heard the derogatory words used so much by men and then in the media and elsewhere that they have internalized them; some women have chosen not to use those words as a result and some have just gone along with using them even though it may not have been a conscious decision for the latter. I think that men have learned the words from their peers and other men and media and just pick it up from hearing it all the time.

Do we really want to keep on using those words towards women, though, is the question?  It is not good for anyone concerned; not the one calling names or the one being called names.  There are much better words we can use.    We can have higher standards than that can't we?:love_heart:


----------



## Manatee (Feb 23, 2017)

I have found that I usually get a big smile when I greet someone as "young lady".  Of course most of the ladies I encounter are 70 or older.


----------



## SeaBreeze (Feb 23, 2017)

Butterfly said:


> I've been in some pretty dodgy places in my life, but I've never had anyone just out of the blue call me a bad name for no reason.  I agree with Stormy -- I'd stay out of that neighborhood.



I agree with you Butterfly, I grew up in a big city and have been flirted with many times by strangers, but never in my life have I had someone come out of nowhere for no reason and call me a bit#*, that would be a shocker.   I'd probably be tempted to go over and ask him why he called me that.


----------



## Aunt Bea (Feb 23, 2017)

I agree, I've heard more nasty comments in the work place than I've ever heard on the street.


----------



## Wilberforce (Feb 23, 2017)

Butterfly I agreed with your post, using first names within your home group at work is just fine, and using more formal names when clients are around is exactly the right thing to do.. no problems there at all.

I think with the bad names they should never be acceptable and it is difficult to know where to draw the line. Modern day etiquette says that one should not be personal with folks you don't know , so calling some one sweetie would break the rule, however I think one has to size up the situation. I was in a room in church just last week and a woman came in in a full blown panic attack, I did not know where but I comforted here, I did call her sweetie , I stroked her hair and finally managed to get her to stop shaking and eventually the attack passed. She was very happy.  So in a loving comfortable way I guess sweetie would be Ok, however if I was walking down the street n someone called Hi Sweetie, I would be offended.

I think shrugging it off is not the way to go, I have to speak and tell the person I an offended, it usually surprises them and often they say they meant no harm and apologize, sometimes they say worse. but ignoring it is like condoning it to me. I would of course not say anything if the situation was in any way dangerous.

 I tend to say Thanks love, if someone holds a door for me, to the best of my knowledge it has never offended anyone. I would not however say Hi love to a stranger.

Some words of course are a no no under all circumstances. I tend to feel sort of sorry for the people that use them. It is sort of sad that someone's knowledge of modern day etiquette  is so poor that they would not know it offends or  worse still think it doesn't matter,  another reason is that  their self esteem is so low that they use the words to feel powerful.


----------



## Stormy (Feb 24, 2017)

Butterfly said:


> To insist on being called Ms. X among just the employees would have been seen as very uppity.


I agree it's rare but if someone even younger called me Mrs. unless it was a formal business scenario, I always told them please, just call me by my first name. When I was young my mom taught me to respect my elders and address all neighbors or friends of the family as Mr. or Mrs. which I happily did and it was very common back then. Now if a neighbor's child addressed me as Mrs., I would have to tell them it's not necessary. So for me it would be a little but uppity to demand it


----------



## Wilberforce (Feb 24, 2017)

It is common up to date modern etiquette


----------



## Ruthanne (Feb 24, 2017)

Wilberforce said:


> It is common up to date modern etiquette


Yes, I agree Jeannine.:love_heart:


----------



## Shalimar (Feb 24, 2017)

I don't understand the conflict? Different strokes for different folks. I am an extremely informal person, don't use doctor, or ms unless absolutely essential, but others are comfortable with varying degrees of formality. Why is that perceived as uppity by some? Surely one size does not fit all.


----------



## Wilberforce (Feb 25, 2017)

I agree Shalimar, I too am extremely informal but I choose that, I do however dis ike over familiarity of strangers , the car salesman etc who wants to be very friendly I don'tt approve of.  I keep my distamce until I cjose do therwise. Is that uppity, perhaps I think it is being selective. I am not rude to folks who asc that way. I am just polite.


----------



## Stormy (Feb 25, 2017)

Shalimar said:


> I don't understand the conflict? Different strokes for different folks. I am an extremely informal person, don't use doctor, or ms unless absolutely essential, but others are comfortable with varying degrees of formality. Why is that perceived as uppity by some? Surely one size does not fit all.


There is no "conflict" Shalimar just like you said one size doesn't fit all so if some of us perceive the mandatory title of Ms, Mrs or Mr as uppity, it's not a slam on anyone personally just differences in priorities.  Some of us embrace our fellow man from all walks of life and titles are of little significance.  It's how we treat and love each other that's more important than how we address each other, that simple.  It's okay if we don't all have the same priorities and all think alike, more interesting that way


----------



## Butterfly (Feb 25, 2017)

Stormy said:


> There is no "conflict" Shalimar just like you said one size doesn't fit all so if some of us perceive the mandatory title of Ms, Mrs or Mr as uppity, it's not a slam on anyone personally just differences in priorities.  Some of us embrace our fellow man from all walks of life and titles are of little significance.  It's how we treat and love each other that's more important than how we address each other, that simple.  It's okay if we don't all have the same priorities and all think alike, more interesting that way



I agree, Stormy.  Just a matter of custom.


----------



## Ruthanne (Feb 25, 2017)

Stormy said:


> There is no "conflict" Shalimar just like you said one size doesn't fit all so if some of us perceive the mandatory title of Ms, Mrs or Mr as uppity, it's not a slam on anyone personally just differences in priorities.  Some of us embrace our fellow man from all walks of life and titles are of little significance.  It's how we treat and love each other that's more important than how we address each other, that simple.  It's okay if we don't all have the same priorities and all think alike, more interesting that way


Well, with all due respect maybe it's not a slam but some see being called uppity as a negative judgement and none of us like to be judged.  No offense intended, we can all still love one another without the judgement.  :love_heart:

Just to show you how Uppity is defined:
up·pi·ty
ˈəpədē/
_adjective_[COLOR=#878787 !important]_informal_[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#878787 !important][/COLOR]


self-important; arrogant.
[COLOR=#878787 !important]"an uppity sister-in-law"[/COLOR]

synonyms:arrogant, snobbish, hoity-toity, snooty, pretentious, bumptious, full of oneself, puffed up, conceited, pompous, self-assertive, overbearing, cocky, cocksure, impertinent, haughty, self-important, superior, presumptuous, overweening, uppish, high and mighty;


----------



## Wilberforce (Feb 25, 2017)

This is going to be my last post, no particular reason for signing off on this topic, it just happened to be top of my list of e mails

I want to thank some very nice people that I have met in my time here, you all know who you are and I shall miss you.

My reasons for signing out are few but important to me, just  a  tad too much of something I can't be part of. I don't like the in fighting in some topics and when I found I was bring drawn into it  I knew I had to go.  

.Just as a last comment on this thread.  My very last comment .There still is an acceptable etiquette for 2017. Do's and Don't;s. One may argue it doesn't matter but if it loses you that job or big deal because you didn't know what to do what to say etc you may want to re think it. For reasons I won't go into I have had to keep up over the years and although some of these "rules " may still seem out dated to some, they are not if one ever has to travel in circles where it matters.  Some of it is quite funny as well as pertinent.The really up to date ones are quite a lot of fun..try Emily Post 2016 for a really good read.

 So  to you all. may your God  or whatever you hold dear bring you peace and contentment  all the rest of your days.

 My sincere good wishes to you all

XX Jeannie


----------



## Shalimar (Feb 25, 2017)

Wilberforce said:


> This is going to be my last post, no particular reason for signing off on this topic, it just happened to be top of my list of e mails
> 
> I want to thank some very nice people that I have met in my time here, you all know who you are and I shall miss you.
> 
> ...


Although I respect your choice Jeannine, I am really sorry to see you leave,  I shall miss your thoughtful, compassionate, insightful posts. Namaste, my friend. My life is richer for having met you.


----------



## Bee (Feb 26, 2017)

So sorry to see you go Wilberforce but I perfectly understand the reasons......good luck to you and I hope you find another forum that you are more comfortable with.


----------



## Pam (Feb 26, 2017)

Sorry you are leaving but very understandable. I too wish you well.


----------



## Kitties (Feb 26, 2017)

Lon said:


> I don't think about it at all.



This is an interesting response. I get that you are a male but you have been married to females and I believe had stated you have at least one daughter.

I really dislike some of the white male bashing I have heard. Statements like this though make me think some men are really out of touch. Never experience adversity on any level?


----------



## Capt Lightning (Feb 26, 2017)

We may not have seen eye to eye, but I am sincerely sorry to see you go.   May you live long and prosper.


----------



## hauntedtexan (Feb 26, 2017)

The only name I have used on occasion here in Texas comes with an accent already included and it fits any gender, race or religion: "Mowron"


----------



## Redlo Nosrep (Feb 26, 2017)

hauntedtexan said:


> The only name I have used on occasion here in Texas comes with an accent already included and it fits any gender, race or religion: "Mowron"


  I laughed at this -- way to go with the flow.


----------



## Butterfly (Feb 26, 2017)

Did I start this when I posted the following?

"Everywhere I've ever worked (fairly formal environments) it has always  been first names within ourselves, Mr. or Ms. X when clients are  present, or when to referring to each other in front of a client (as in  Mr, X can't see you until Friday).  To insist on being called Ms. X  among just the employees would have been seen as very uppity."

I most definitely did not mean to "slam" anyone, least of all you, Jeannine.  I merely meant to report my observations of how names in the workplace are treated where I live and worked, nothing more.  I didn't think I was calling anyone uppity, but stating that it would have been interpreted as uppity in the places I worked.  I meant no offense to Jeannine or anyone else.

How can we have a discussion if we cannot state our experiences or observations?  In any event, I am sorry for any offense I caused.


----------



## hauntedtexan (Feb 26, 2017)

A female friend told me that when she gets called a "bitch" she thanks the person and says that word stands for: Beautiful, Intelligent, Talented, Charming and Honest... gave me a laugh, and knowing how many filters she has lost over the year, she must say that a whole bunch....ositive:


----------



## OneEyedDiva (Feb 27, 2017)

My son once posted a meme on Facebook. It said Now this is a Bitch and showed a picture of a female dog. The next picture was of a woman and it may have said something like this is a Queen. I think women have become to complacent in allowing themselves to be referred to in that way. Some are even proud of it. We have to respect ourselves so that we will be respected.


----------



## Stormy (Feb 27, 2017)

Warrigal said:


> However, being Australian I can cope if there is some context.
> Call me a bitch and I will delete you from my circle of friends, but call me a mad bitch with a smile on your face and I will probably laugh too.


Well put Warrigal a mad bitch can be taken differently especially if they're referring to something wild you might have just done and it might have even been playful and naughty. Good to see you can have an open mind on these things



Butterfly said:


> Did I start this when I posted the following?
> 
> "Everywhere I've ever worked (fairly formal environments) it has always  been first names within ourselves, Mr. or Ms. X when clients are  present, or when to referring to each other in front of a client (as in  Mr, X can't see you until Friday).  To insist on being called Ms. X  among just the employees would have been seen as very uppity."
> 
> How can we have a discussion if we cannot state our experiences or observations?


I don't see that you did anything wrong Butterfly she already said she just randomly picked this thread to make her big announcement. You're right we can't have any discussions if we can't state our experiences or observations, of course that is true


----------



## Linda W. (Feb 27, 2017)

I wasn't raised in a family that had the language used in some families. And of course,  I'm 70 and raised by parents who were both "preachers kids", so our language was squeaky clean and outside the home, we were extremely polite and well-mannered. In the home we were not always so well behaved among just ourselves, but compared to most kids nowadays, we were pretty good kids. As I grew up, things changed and I was around those whose words that weren't nice. I got used to it somewhat, didn't like it. Depends on the context and how "bad" and insulting the words were.The language that is crude and disgusting, I can't use as far as sexually oriented words. Nor do I want to hear them, but what can you do?. My DH used to use some cuss words when working or among the guys, but he now doesn't. And he always respected females in general, in spite of being an alcoholic (not a drinker for a decade and half now).


----------



## Stormy (Feb 27, 2017)

Congratulations to your husband Linda W for his long term sobriety good for him.


----------



## Peanut (Mar 3, 2017)

If the name calling is in jest and by friends then it's ok. But to outright call a woman a bitch well that's rude, even though some do warrant the name calling due to behavior and attitude.


----------



## Ruthanne (Mar 4, 2017)

Peanut said:


> If the name calling is in jest and by friends then it's ok. But to outright call a woman a bitch well that's rude, even though some do warrant the name calling due to behavior and attitude.


I disagree that some do deserve to be called something demeaning.  Another way to handle it is to learn to be assertive with such people.


----------



## MarciKS (Apr 29, 2021)

Wilberforce said:


> This is going to be my last post, no particular reason for signing off on this topic, it just happened to be top of my list of e mails
> 
> I want to thank some very nice people that I have met in my time here, you all know who you are and I shall miss you.
> 
> ...


It's a shame that people feel they have to leave here because others can't be nice.


----------



## fmdog44 (Apr 29, 2021)

It all such cases it all boils down to respect.


----------



## digifoss (Apr 30, 2021)

This is an old thread, so this old quote seems appropriate...
*Jesus called the crowd to Him and said,* "*Listen and understand. it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person.*”


----------



## Warrigal (Apr 30, 2021)

digifoss said:


> This is an old thread, so this old quote seems appropriate...
> *Jesus called the crowd to Him and said,* "*Listen and understand. it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person.*”


We would all do well to remember these words and think carefully about our own.


----------



## peramangkelder (Apr 30, 2021)

This put me in mind of the age old maxim 'Do Unto Others'


----------



## horseless carriage (Apr 30, 2021)

Capt Lightning said:


> Many years ago, a group of us were working out in Rochester, Minnesota.  One of the guys came from Yorkshire, and would usually call women "love".  One day an American female colleague reported him for ****** harassment for greeting her with "Morning love" , which in the UK would be a friendly gesture.  She was called much worse names after that.


For some reason that I cannot fathom, there are some men who think that using the word love as a term of address, perfectly acceptable. Time and again during my working life when I pointed out that if addressing a man they used the term, Sir, then doesn't the lady deserve equal formality and respect? After all, the term Ma'am is used in the armed forces, the police and addressing royalty without thought or embarrassment. Still some couldn't understand and thought that I was being politically correct. 

There are some terms though that lend themselves to gender. When my secretary perceptively pre-empted me and had a report ready on my desk, I would smile and say, "You're a treasure," she smiled back. But when I used the term "You're a star," to a junior male manager for going the extra mile, it made me think that maybe I should use the same endearment to all staff regardless of gender.

By and large, we were all on first name terms and any sort of endearment was only used as a way of emphasising gratitude. In the work environment swearing was prohibited, I wouldn't tolerate it, nor touching, everyone should feel safe at work. It was a tribute that we had a very low staff turnover and I felt honoured when we needed help by working on an extra hour, those who could, did.


----------



## Packerjohn (Apr 30, 2021)

I think it is awful!  What happened to manners, dignity and respect?  Anyone who uses words like that is the lowest of the low lives.  Over the years I have found that when you treat a lady like a lady you add quality to human life.


----------



## tbeltrans (Apr 30, 2021)

Years ago, when I worked for a company that had a cafeteria, our engineering team used to eat lunch together.  One day, one of the guys was talking about his daughter in high school and how he wouldn't let any boys touch her.

I asked the naïve question as to why it is that if a father's son gets laid, the father is proud that his son has "become a man", but if the daughter does it, she is a slut?

The response from the table was "we don't talk about that".  I was stunned.  But then, I always seem to notice these discrepancies and talk about what we are not supposed to talk about.

Tony


----------



## fuzzybuddy (Apr 30, 2021)

Yes, words have power, but they also have intent. While it's best we utter them, only to ourselves. It's not the words themselves, but intent. to demean and abase.


----------



## timoc (Apr 30, 2021)

What do you think of women being called names?​
Well we all have to have names and there are ladies on this forum, just to name a few, we call them, Ruthanne, Pinky and Holly, and what lovely names they are too, what's the problem?


----------



## Paco Dennis (Apr 30, 2021)

Synonyms for "Woman"

over 60 are mentioned here.

https://thesaurus.yourdictionary.com/woman


----------



## SetWave (Apr 30, 2021)

Will humans ever grow up and treat each other with respect . . . without the need for political correctness???


----------



## OneEyedDiva (Apr 30, 2021)

I don't like it and women should not accept it. It's sad that women are so accepting of it, they refer to themselves as bitches. Any person who refers to women in those other terms should be considered bottom feeders who have no respect for womanhood. My son once posted a meme on Facebook. On one side was a (female) dog, on the other was a woman. Under the dog it said "This is a bitch" and under the woman it said "This is a woman".  Someone call me out of my name like that he might get some of The Queen's medicine. If you don't want to watch the whole video check from 1:00 minute to 1:44.


----------



## MarciKS (Apr 30, 2021)

Well now @Packerjohn & @horseless carriage we must keep in mind that many of the women today don't like being called ma'am. I am not one of those women. LOL!

I don't mind being called love. I prefer that over some of the alternatives. I know some folks mean well and frankly anymore that's all I can ask for. If they're doing it with the right heart I find it difficult to fault them.


----------



## MarciKS (Apr 30, 2021)

SetWave said:


> Will humans ever grow up and treat each other with respect . . . without the need for political correctness???


I hate to say it but being PC is the new thing now. God forbid we should offend someone. LOL


----------



## MarciKS (Apr 30, 2021)

I know I can be a b at times. *Grins*


----------



## Packerjohn (May 1, 2021)

MarciKS said:


> Well now @Packerjohn & @horseless carriage we must keep in mind that many of the women today don't like being called ma'am. I am not one of those women. LOL!
> 
> I don't mind being called love. I prefer that over some of the alternatives. I know some folks mean well and frankly anymore that's all I can ask for. If they're doing it with the right heart I find it difficult to fault them.


I think that "ma'am" is often used in movies that feature the deep south (Georgia, Alabama, Texas).  It's also pretty common in western movies.  eg:  Gunsmoke, etc.  I never considered it disrespectful to women but these days when everyone is offended about everything, the sky is the limit.  "Love" is very common in the UK.  My wife came from Cornwall and I have traveled around the UK often.  It sounds strange to a Canadian like me but you just get used to it.  For example, a woman lines up at a butcher shop and when it becomes her turn, the butcher might say something like, "What can I get you, love?"  I consider it very British and I never thought that it was ever negative.  It just a form of address.  Sure beats, someone in North America saying, "HEY, YOU WITH THE STUPID LOOKIN' GLASSES!"


----------



## MarciKS (May 1, 2021)

Packerjohn said:


> I think that "ma'am" is often used in movies that feature the deep south (Georgia, Alabama, Texas).  It's also pretty common in western movies.  eg:  Gunsmoke, etc.  I never considered it disrespectful to women but these days when everyone is offended about everything, the sky is the limit.  "Love" is very common in the UK.  My wife came from Cornwall and I have traveled around the UK often.  It sounds strange to a Canadian like me but you just get used to it.  For example, a woman lines up at a butcher shop and when it becomes her turn, the butcher might say something like, "What can I get you, love?"  I consider it very British and I never thought that it was ever negative.  It just a form of address.  Sure beats, someone in North America saying, "HEY, YOU WITH THE STUPID LOOKIN' GLASSES!"


Exactly. I'm pretty much ok with just about everything. As long as it's respectful.


----------



## Sunny (May 1, 2021)

When I visited Cornwall, I found that use of "Luv" by shopkeepers delightful. They just automatically said it to every customer:  "What can I do for you, luv?"  It was charming, and more than once I thought, "I wish they used that term in the U.S."  How could anyone take offense at that?


----------



## MarciKS (May 1, 2021)

As for the other names mentioned on here...I'm no saint. I've called people the b word in the privacy of my own home. But I do here it a lot out in public. The other names not so much.


----------



## timoc (May 1, 2021)

Sunny said:


> When I visited Cornwall, I found that use of "Luv" by shopkeepers delightful. They just automatically said it to every customer:  "What can I do for you, luv?"  It was charming, and more than once I thought, "I wish they used that term in the U.S."  How could anyone take offense at that?


Oh, I love this post Luv.


----------



## timoc (May 1, 2021)

timoc said:


> What do you think of women being called names?​
> Well we all have to have names and there are ladies on this forum, just to name a few, we call them, Ruthanne, Pinky and Holly, and what lovely names they are too, what's the problem?


And, we have other ladies too, to mention just a few more, Rose and Lew and Micka, all with lovely names, so I ask again, what's the problem.


----------



## Gary O' (May 1, 2021)

MarciKS said:


> I know I can be a b at times.


Yeah, but yer our b....


----------



## Gary O' (May 1, 2021)

What do you think of women being called names?​It best suit them

Folks, wimin or min, seem to earn what they're called


I've called my wife 'Babe' for 52 years

About 30 years ago, an ol' coot asked me if I thought my wife was a blue ox
Had to think about that

Hell, I've called all my girlfriends 'Babe'
(she's still my girlfriend)

Most wimin I like, I call 'fine lady'
Acquaintances, I don't call anything
'You' comes to mind


----------



## JonDouglas (May 1, 2021)

I wonder what some here would call Ilsa Koch.


----------



## SetWave (May 1, 2021)

MarciKS said:


> God forbid we should offend someone. LOL


I find that offensive . . .


----------



## MarciKS (May 1, 2021)

JonDouglas said:


> I wonder what some here would call Ilsa Koch.


I don't even know who that is.


----------



## SetWave (May 1, 2021)

MarciKS said:


> I don't even know who that is.


She was The Bitch of Buchenwald, one of the first Nazis to be tried after WWII,


----------



## MarciKS (May 1, 2021)

SetWave said:


> She was The Bitch of Buchenwald, one of the first Nazis to be tried after WWII,


Still a woman. A murderous one.


----------



## Remy (May 1, 2021)

@OneEyedDiva Thanks for posting the Queen Latifah video. I haven't watched it in ages. I've always liked her. I think she's beautiful and enjoy her acting career.


----------



## OneEyedDiva (May 1, 2021)

Remy said:


> @OneEyedDiva Thanks for posting the Queen Latifah video. I haven't watched it in ages. I've always liked her. I think she's beautiful and enjoy her acting career.


You're welcome. I love The Queen too. I joke with my son that she should have been my DIL.  LOL  He met her at a Hip Hop party decades ago and they took a picture together. She was well known in the Hip Hop community at the time but hadn't hit it big yet. He had a crush on her for awhile. We're very proud of her because she's a Jersey Girl and I agree with you...she's beautiful.  Have you watched her new show The Equalizer?


----------



## Remy (May 1, 2021)

OneEyedDiva said:


> You're welcome. I love The Queen too. I joke with my son that she should have been my DIL.  LOL  He met her at a Hip Hop party decades ago and they took a picture together. She was well known in the Hip Hop community at the time but hadn't hit it big yet. He had a crush on her for awhile. We're very proud of her because she's a Jersey Girl and I agree with you...she's beautiful.  Have you watched her new show The Equalizer?


No, I haven't watched that show. I'm going to look for it!

And how cool for you son to have met her!


----------



## MarciKS (May 1, 2021)

OneEyedDiva said:


> You're welcome. I love The Queen too. I joke with my son that she should have been my DIL.  LOL  He met her at a Hip Hop party decades ago and they took a picture together. She was well known in the Hip Hop community at the time but hadn't hit it big yet. He had a crush on her for awhile. We're very proud of her because she's a Jersey Girl and I agree with you...she's beautiful.  Have you watched her new show The Equalizer?


I want to watch Equalizer but I'm confused as to what channel it's on. They advertise on PlutoTV but I don't get the impression it will be on there.


----------



## doat (May 2, 2021)

Oh boy...really!


----------



## Packerjohn (May 2, 2021)

Oh dear, I was married twice for a total of 44 years.  I hate to admit it but I used to call my last wife by a name.  It was "Sweetie."  I hope she didn't mind?  She was a wonderful wife because she was always, sweet, kind, gentle, loved walking with me while holding hands and dreaming up new recipes for me that I might like.  I think I was pretty lucky for having known "Sweetie."


----------

