# Who should be in my will???



## Colleen (Nov 9, 2019)

I've been thinking about this for quite a while but I don't have any idea who I should leave everything to in my will (other than my husband). I don't have any family. Well, actually, I have a son but we have been estranged for quite some time (his choice, not mine), so he's not a candidate. I'm not close to my husband's kids so I don't want to leave them anything. I don't attend a church. I don't have any friends here in AZ. I only have a good friend that was a neighbor back in PA. We stay in touch but I'm not sure she'd want anything I have. Material things don't mean much to her.

I have no idea. I need suggestions.


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## Pepper (Nov 9, 2019)

Does your son have children?  Do you have a favorite charity or cause close to your heart?  i.e. St. Jude, Habitat for Humanity.

Your will must state at least a minor amount to go to your son, also some reason for your disinheriting him, or he will have the option to overturn your will.  He must be mentioned.  What could possibly be so bad............pardon me, I'm being a busybody.


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## hollydolly (Nov 9, 2019)

Why don't you just leave the whole lot to your husband?


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## Kaila (Nov 9, 2019)

Are you meaning actual items, or finances?
Donating either, is a good option, but it seems more difficult to find places to donate items, than money.
And it's the items I would wonder about, because i dont know who would want or value them.


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## Marie5656 (Nov 9, 2019)

*As for financial and material assets, just leave it all to your husband.  Maybe add that if he predeceases you, the financials go to a charity of your choice.
As for material things, maybe downsize some things now? Donate old clothing, knick knacks  and stuff.  I did a lot of that a few years ago.  I kind of wish Rick had allowed me to let go of more of his stuff, I am dealing with it now. 
If you have a pile of old cell phones, they can be donated to domestic violence centers.  Women (or abused men) are given them. Even if not activated, you can still call 911 from them*


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## jujube (Nov 9, 2019)

Hey, if you're looking for volunteers, here I am!


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## Colleen (Nov 9, 2019)

hollydolly said:


> Why don't you just leave the whole lot to your husband?



I will but if he predeceases me, then I have to have somewhere/someone to inherit.


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## Colleen (Nov 9, 2019)

Pepper said:


> Does your son have children?  Do you have a favorite charity or cause close to your heart?  i.e. St. Jude, Habitat for Humanity.
> 
> Your will must state at least a minor amount to go to your son, also some reason for your disinheriting him, or he will have the option to overturn your will.  He must be mentioned.  What could possibly be so bad............pardon me, I'm being a busybody.



No grandchildren. There is such a thing as an Irrevocable Will that cannot be broken or contested. My mother had one done and when she passed in 2006, whatever she had designated could not be contested by anyone.

I was thinking about charities today


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## Colleen (Nov 9, 2019)

Marie5656 said:


> *As for financial and material assets, just leave it all to your husband.  Maybe add that if he predeceases you, the financials go to a charity of your choice.
> As for material things, maybe downsize some things now? Donate old clothing, knick knacks  and stuff.  I did a lot of that a few years ago.  I kind of wish Rick had allowed me to let go of more of his stuff, I am dealing with it now.
> If you have a pile of old cell phones, they can be donated to domestic violence centers.  Women (or abused men) are given them. Even if not activated, you can still call 911 from them*



We downsized a LOT when we moved here 5 years ago. I gave my son most of his grandmother's possessions that I inherited. I also gave him all the picture albums I had of him while he was growing up. I gave him antique furniture and many collectibles. Since then, he has severed ties with me so that will be all he's getting.

We don't have a lot of knick knack stuff any more. We sent a whole attic full to a consignment shop before we moved 5 years ago. 

I made quilts for 18 years and I'm keeping a few but the rest is being donated to women shelter's and hospice.

My husband is my sole beneficiary and I am his. His kids will get all of his stuff and they can keep or dispose of it as they see fit. If he predeceases me, I will dispose of his things.


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## Colleen (Nov 9, 2019)

Kaila said:


> Are you meaning actual items, or finances?
> Donating either, is a good option, but it seems more difficult to find places to donate items, than money.
> And it's the items I would wonder about, because i dont know who would want or value them.



You know...you're right. Maybe I shouldn't even worry about it. If what I have left is sent to the thrift shop or goes in a yard sale....I'm not going to know about it anyway  Thanks!


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## Ruthanne (Nov 9, 2019)

Colleen said:


> You know...you're right. Maybe I shouldn't even worry about it. If what I have left is sent to the thrift shop or goes in a yard sale....I'm not going to know about it anyway  Thanks!


All my stuff will most likely go to a thrift shop.  I have lots of clothes to give them.


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## Liberty (Nov 10, 2019)

Colleen said:


> I will but if he predeceases me, then I have to have somewhere/someone to inherit.


It can get sticky if he has kids you know.  Have you seen an estate lawyer?


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## charry (Nov 10, 2019)

only animal charities...


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## Don M. (Nov 10, 2019)

Our wills are set up such that when we pass the two daughters and two granddaughters each get 25% of what we have left.  Personal possessions, etc., can be divided as they all see fit....they all get along quite nicely.  Things like clothes, can all go to Goodwill, etc.,   I have tons of tools and guy things, and the wife has 3 closets full of clothes, shoes, purses, etc., so sorting all that out will probably be the biggest chores for the kids.


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## StarSong (Nov 10, 2019)

Colleen said:


> I've been thinking about this for quite a while but I don't have any idea who I should leave everything to in my will (other than my husband). I don't have any family. Well, actually, I have a son but we have been estranged for quite some time (his choice, not mine), so he's not a candidate. I'm not close to my husband's kids so I don't want to leave them anything. I don't attend a church. I don't have any friends here in AZ. I only have a good friend that was a neighbor back in PA. We stay in touch but I'm not sure she'd want anything I have. Material things don't mean much to her.
> 
> I have no idea. I need suggestions.



My takeaway from this is that you need to get back into the game of life. Your one good friend is nearly 3000 miles away, you've been in AZ for several years and haven't made any close friends, are estranged from your son and haven't found a way to heal that relationship, and have a difficult relationship with your husband and his children.

Colleen, what's going to happen to your assets when you die is so unimportant compared to what's happening in your life while you're still living it. Girl, get yourself to a counselor posthaste. You CAN get your life on a track that includes healing some relationships and forming new ones.


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## mathjak107 (Nov 18, 2019)

if you put me in the will i will be your friend ...


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## OneEyedDiva (Nov 18, 2019)

Pepper said:


> Does your son have children?  Do you have a favorite charity or cause close to your heart?  i.e. St. Jude, Habitat for Humanity.
> 
> Your will must state at least a minor amount to go to your son, also some reason for your disinheriting him, or he will have the option to overturn your will.  He must be mentioned.  What could possibly be so bad............pardon me, I'm being a busybody.


Who (or what) says her son must be included in her will? A will is made so the person can *designate *who he or she wants to leave money and other items to. Colleen, like with your mother, my will stipulates that anyone who contests the will would get nothing. I think that in community property states the spouse has to be a designated beneficiary for IRAs and if someone else is named the spouse has to sign the form that he or she does not object.


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## Pepper (Nov 18, 2019)

Her son is next of kin, and so has standing in any potential lawsuit.  In such cases, it is usually better to leave him $1., or mention that he is purposely left out.  Having standing just gives one the right to sue, but of course does not necessarily affect the outcome.

Having worked for many years in the law, just stating what I knew.  You sound mad, you're not are you? Would hate to have someone from Jersey mad at me


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## StarSong (Nov 19, 2019)

OneEyedDiva said:


> Who (or what) says her son must be included in her will? A will is made so the person can designate who he or she wants to leave money and other items to. Colleen, like with your mother, *my will stipulates that anyone who contests the will would get nothing*. I think that in community property states the spouse has to be a designated beneficiary for IRAs and if someone else is named the spouse has to sign the form that he or she does not object.



That appears to have become boilerplate wording for wills and trusts. Ours says the same, as did our parents'. However, those words don't disqualify certain legal grounds used to challenge wills, such as undue influence, diminished mental capacity of the decedent, and a fraudulent, forged, or poorly written document.


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## Ladybj (Nov 19, 2019)

Colleen said:


> I've been thinking about this for quite a while but I don't have any idea who I should leave everything to in my will (other than my husband). I don't have any family. Well, actually, I have a son but we have been estranged for quite some time (his choice, not mine), so he's not a candidate. I'm not close to my husband's kids so I don't want to leave them anything. I don't attend a church. I don't have any friends here in AZ. I only have a good friend that was a neighbor back in PA. We stay in touch but I'm not sure she'd want anything I have. Material things don't mean much to her.
> 
> I have no idea. I need suggestions.



Would you like to adopt me 
I am sure you will come up with something.  As someone else posted, if you do not name your son, him being next of kin (if anything happen to your husband), he will more than likely get everything...not unless stipulated in a Will.


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## Liberty (Nov 19, 2019)

Ok, first off - do you have a lot of assets?  If so, perhaps start getting rid of some of the "tangible" ones now - give them to people you know and really respect and/or think they could really use as a "leg up". My old housekeeper had a client that paid for a new roof for her home.  How thoughtful.  She cried so when she died.  Its great to show how much you noticed when someone else went the extra mile and cared about you or whatever you valued in life.

Be sure to leave something to the less than loving "son".  Maybe a sentimental something from his dad or whatever. These kind of stipulations illustrate that you have really considered him, just don't care to leave monetary funds to him.

Great charities like St Jude Home or Shriner's Burn Centers, etc. are wonderful places to leave an ongoing legacy.


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## OneEyedDiva (Nov 20, 2019)

Pepper said:


> Her son is next of kin, and so has standing in any potential lawsuit.  In such cases, it is usually better to leave him $1., or mention that he is purposely left out.  Having standing just gives one the right to sue, but of course does not necessarily affect the outcome.
> 
> Having worked for many years in the law, just stating what I knew.  You sound mad, you're not are you? Would hate to have someone from Jersey mad at me


Pepper...I am so NOT mad!  But it's good you recognize...we Jersey Girls *don't *play. LOL  But I was wondering, since you have a law background, do different states have different rulings about estate matters?


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## charry (Nov 20, 2019)

in my will...will be the charities i support.....the donkeys and the blind dogs.......


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## Pepper (Nov 20, 2019)

OneEyedDiva said:


> do different states have different rulings about estate matters?


Yes.


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