# English is a crazy language



## Ronni (Jul 3, 2021)

This is not my creation.  It is, however, FABULOUS!  

English is a crazy language.  

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.  English muffins weren't invented in England.  Quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea, nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?  Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends, but not one amend?  If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?  If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what other language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?  We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.  We have noses that run, and feet that smell.  We park in a drive way, and drive on a Parkway.  And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.  And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother is not Mop?


----------



## Warrigal (Jul 3, 2021)

I love the idiosyncratic elements of English. 

In Australia we have invented a few of our own.
For example, a 'tinnie' is either a can of beer or a small boat with an outboard motor.
Very confusing to new chums.

Some towns in Australia have names in duplicate such as Wagga Wagga and Woy Woy. 
The former is always referred to as Wagga but Woy Woy is never referred to as Woy.
Goonoo Goonoo is not referred to as either Goonoo or Goonoo Goonoo.
It is pronounced G_unna G'noo_


----------



## hollydolly (Jul 3, 2021)

LOL...and we in England have not only spread our language world wide, we've also got so many dialects, that understanding English for those who've just learned makes it very difficult...


----------



## Aunt Marg (Jul 3, 2021)

ROFLMAO!

Love this started thread, Ronni!

The English language has always angered me. I can't imagine trying to learn it as an outsider or newcomer.


French fries weren't invented in France
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads (which aren't sweet) are meat
If the plural of tooth is "teeth", why isn't the plural of booth, "beeth"?
One goose, 2 geese, so one moose, 2 meese?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers "praught"?
If a vegetarian east vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Human race? Where's the race? There is no race
If you buy a Buick car, then what does that make "quick"? Coo-ick?
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple

Thanks to, Richard Lederer, for the above.


----------



## horseless carriage (Jul 3, 2021)

English spelling is undeniably chaotic. There’s an exception to almost every rule, 26 letters have to do the job of around 44 phonemes, and ‘English’ is less its own language than a strange combination and mixtures of myriad other languages both ancient and modern. The linguistic fingerprints of thousands of people can be found everywhere in our orthography. So no wonder people often think of it as being, well, weird (or should that be wyrd?)

It is little wonder, then, so many people struggle with the pronunciation of English words. The language has so many irregularities that sometimes even native speakers are not sure how to say a word. In homage to the idiosyncrasies of English spelling and pronunciation, the Dutch writer Gerard Nolst Trenité penned _The Chaos_ – a virtuoso feat of composition, a mammoth catalogue of about 800 of the most notorious irregularities of traditional English orthanography.

It's rather long but it is so amusing, let me give you a taster:

Dearest _creature_ in _creation_
Studying English _pronunciation_,
I will teach you in my _verse_
Sounds like _corpse_, _corps_, _horse_ and _worse_.

I will keep you, _Susy_, _busy_,
Make your _head_ with _heat_ grow dizzy;
_Tear_ in eye, your dress you’ll _tear_;
_Queer_, fair _seer_, _hear_ my _prayer_.

_Pray_, console your loving _poet_,
Make my coat look _new_, dear, _sew_ _it_!
Just compare _heart_, _hear_ and _heard_,
_Dies_ and _diet_, _lord_ and _word_.

_Sword_ and _sward_, _retain_ and _Britain_
(Mind the latter how it’s _written_).
_Made_ has not the sound of _bade_,
_Say_–_said_, _pay_–_paid_, _laid_ but _plaid_.



https://nothingintherulebook.com/2017/07/08/the-chaos-of-the-english-language/


----------



## Knight (Jul 3, 2021)

The english language with homonyms like these can be confusing. 

Express - something done fast / to show your thoughts by using words
Fair - equitable / beautiful
Jag - a sharp, jutted object / a crying spree
Kind - type / caring
Lie - to recline / to tell a falsehood
Match - to pair like items / a stick for making a flame
Mean - average / not nice
Pole - a person from Poland / a piece of metal that holds a flag
Pound - unit of weight / to beat
Quarry - a site for mining stone / to extract or obtain slowly
Ream - a pile of paper / to juice a citrus fruit
Ring - a band on a finger / something circular in shape
Right - correct / direction opposite of left
Rock - a genre of music / a stone
Rose - to have gotten up / a flower
Spring - a season / coiled metal
Stalk - a part of a plant / to follow or harass someone
Tender - gentle / offer of money
Tire - to grow fatigued / a part of a wheel
Well - in good health / a source for water in the ground


----------



## Aunt Marg (Jul 3, 2021)

Here are more enjoyable examples of the crazy English language according to Richard Lederer.

https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/28981.Richard_Lederer


----------



## Jennina (Jul 3, 2021)

*All my life I've loved a womanly woman and admired a manly man, but I never could stand a boily boy.*


Archibald Primrose, 5th Earl of Rosebery


----------



## Irwin (Jul 3, 2021)

Ronni said:


> This is not my creation.  It is, however, FABULOUS!
> 
> English is a crazy language.
> 
> ...


That almost sounds like a George Carlin bit.


----------



## Irwin (Jul 3, 2021)

Here's one...

Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids and asteroids called asteroids? Wouldn't it make more sense if it was the other way around? But if that was true, then a proctologist would be an astronaut.
— Robert Schimmel


----------



## Elsie (Jul 3, 2021)

Warrigal said:


> I love the idiosyncratic elements of English.
> 
> In Australia we have invented a few of our own.
> For example, a 'tinnie' is either a can of beer or a small boat with an outboard motor.
> ...


Attempted use of some old Australian slang.  (Written for Essential Tremor forum.)  Hope you can understand it.  
Joe Blake
Woke tremoring in my Ginger Meggs hammer and 
Tong, so  couldn't drive the old bomb.
It was last night I'd gotten steady with amber fluid,
Keen as mustard to go to a party.  I"d taken a wrong 
Turn driving to one and, bleary eyed, ended up in Black 
Stump.  Had me another stab of me amber fluid, then 
Dialed me cellphone to a partying bloke to join me.  
Got no answer.  So I pushed up zeds.  Woke up with 
Tremors back and that's when Joe Blake slithered in and bit 
Me.  Blue murder!  Didn't cark it, for my tremor brain defect 
Purified its venom and, just like that, my tremor was
Gone to buggery.  Drove me old bomb flat chat
To banana land, told all who'd listen about what
Had happened, but they thought me berko.  Now when 
I want to be steady for a party, no amber fluid, I drive out 
To Black Stump and let Joe Blake bite me.


----------



## jujube (Jul 3, 2021)

Ronni said:


> hammers don't ham?


Unless it's M.C. Hammer and he definitely hams.


----------



## Lewkat (Jul 4, 2021)




----------

