# Anyone else have a child driving them nuts????



## old medic (Mar 22, 2021)

Our son has me about ready to just strangle him... 
A long (and seemingly never ending ) story...
He got me pissed enough that in a few minutes.. after finishing my 6th 12 hour shift in 7 days, Im leaving from work with his trailer in tow,
Driving 550 miles to drop it off at his new place, turn around and driving back, to come back to work Tuesday night.
He moved last Tuesday, and has hounded me since the week before....daily on how to get his trailer. 
Many different plans, changing multiple time a day. 
At 34 its time he grows up


----------



## Glowworm (Mar 22, 2021)

You shouldn't need to do this especially when you're working so many long shifts, you need rest not stress. If he has a trailer I assume he has a vehicle that he can tow it with and collect it himself?

Luckily my kids all live within an hour's drive and we're a very close, tight knit family always ready to help each other when the need arises.


----------



## Judycat (Mar 22, 2021)

He couldn't wait until you have a day off?


----------



## Aunt Bea (Mar 22, 2021)

It sounds like you need a course in monkey management.







Repeat after me:_ *At no time while I'm helping you will your problem become my problem*.

“In accepting the monkey, the manager has voluntarily assumed a position subordinate to his subordinate.” —” Management Time: Who’s Got the Monkey?”

“When you encourage employees to handle their own monkeys, they acquire new skills—and you liberate time to do your own job.” —” Management Time: Who’s Got the Monkey?”

https://www.jodymichael.com/blog/rid-yourself-of-monkeys/_


----------



## Sassycakes (Mar 22, 2021)

Up u_ntil a few months ago, I had a very good relationship with my son. He went through a very hard divorce and his ex-wife drained him financially. My husband_ and I helped him in every way we could. He lived with us for a while and then met someone and moved in with her. I gave him my ATM card and he used it a lot. If his sons needed anything we gave them what they needed and said it came from their Dad. My daughter had his children over her house every holiday and his girlfriend and her children were invited also. All of a sudden he got mad at me, my husband, and my daughter and said we were too friendly with his ex. Yes, we did still speak to her because we would never want to hurt our grandsons. I haven't heard from him for months and just about a week ago I found out he moved to another state a distance from where we live. I can't reach him on his cell phone or even in his email. It's funny because for many years we paid for his cell phone, his girlfriend's cell phone and even her son's. He speaks to his sons but never mentions me or his Dad or sister.
What he has done has broken our hearts.


----------



## Pepper (Mar 22, 2021)

Oh, @Sassycakes what a heartbreaking story.  I hope it can be straightened out before your son realizes he made one of the biggest mistakes of his life!  Thinking of you, dear lady.............


----------



## Sassycakes (Mar 22, 2021)

Pepper said:


> Oh, @Sassycakes what a heartbreaking story.  I hope it can be straightened out before your son realizes he made one of the biggest mistakes of his life!  Thinking of you, dear lady.............


*Thank you very much, Pepper. He truly has broken my heart and I don't know what he thinks we did wrong. My older brother was very cold towards the family and my son would get angry about the hateful things my brother would say about me and my sister even though we were only 5 and 8 Years old when he got married. Now my son is acting the same way.*


----------



## Don M. (Mar 22, 2021)

When I see, or hear, of some of the Crap that peoples kids impose upon them, I consider us very lucky to have responsible kids and grandkids.  We stand ready to help them should some unforeseen emergency arise, but their daily lives are their responsibility.


----------



## MarciKS (Mar 22, 2021)

old medic said:


> Our son has me about ready to just strangle him...
> A long (and seemingly never ending ) story...
> He got me pissed enough that in a few minutes.. after finishing my 6th 12 hour shift in 7 days, Im leaving from work with his trailer in tow,
> Driving 550 miles to drop it off at his new place, turn around and driving back, to come back to work Tuesday night.
> ...


is there some reason he can't find someone to go with him to come pick it up? or at least have the decency to give you time to rest first or bring it when it's convenient for you?


----------



## terry123 (Mar 22, 2021)

Old Medic, your son needs an attitude adjustment.  Its not good to endanger your health to do this for him.  Let him learn responsibility by figuring it out for himself.


----------



## wasserball (Mar 22, 2021)

Ann Landers said, "No one can take advantage of you without your permission."


----------



## Pecos (Mar 22, 2021)

My two adult children are both in their 50's and have never been a problem. But my 57 year old son has a bucket full of trouble with his 34 year old daughter. Examples:

- If your Aunt pulls strings to get you an internship with a major watch company in NYC and you don't show up every morning for work, don't be surprised if they don't offer you permanent employment.
- If you shoplift, don't be surprised if you wind up doing some time in jail.
- If you move in with a boyfriend who is also dealing drugs, don't be surprised if you come home and find that he has been shot to death.
- If you loan your car to an alcoholic drunk, don't be surprised if he wrecks it for you.
- If you continue to drink too much and mess with drugs, don't be surprised if you wind up wearing an ankle bracelet and having to show up every week for drug testing.
- If you fail drug testing, don't be surprised if you find yourself in a 30 day State rehab facility. 

My son and his wife are at wits end with her, and I don't want to be around her either. It is sad that she continues to believe her own BS, and continues to blow opportunity after opportunity. She has a four year degree in business and is very intelligent, but she is going nowhere.

All of this has been so expensive for my son that I fear that he and his wife will be unable to retire, especially if she continues to live at home and drain them financially and emotionally.

My 30 year old Grandson is doing fine.


----------



## Ruth n Jersey (Mar 22, 2021)

I'm so happy and grateful for my kids. they are always willing to help us out and we do the same for them. 
@old medic I'm so sorry you have to deal with this and I hope that someday the two of you will come to an understanding and have  a loving relationship.


----------



## asp3 (Mar 22, 2021)

Pecos said:


> My two adult children are both in their 50's and have never been a problem. But my 57 year old son has a bucket full of trouble with his 34 year old daughter. Examples:
> 
> - If your Aunt pulls strings to get you an internship with a major watch company in NYC and you don't show up every morning for work, don't be surprised if they don't offer you permanent employment.
> - If you shoplift, don't be surprised if you wind up doing some time in jail.
> ...



Pecos, I'm willing to bet that your son (and his wife) would benefit from attending some AlAnon meetings.  Their daughter might benefit from AA or NarcAnon meetings.

I'm sorry they are having to deal with this and you are having to see your granddaughter behave this way.  I hope they are able to find peace and serenity and that the granddaughter is able to get into a recovery program.


----------



## Pecos (Mar 22, 2021)

asp3 said:


> Pecos, I'm willing to bet that your son (and his wife) would benefit from attending some AlAnon meetings.  Their daughter might benefit from AA or NarcAnon meetings.
> 
> I'm sorry they are having to deal with this and you are having to see your granddaughter behave this way.  I hope they are able to find peace and serenity and that the granddaughter is able to get into a recovery program.


Thanks, I will suggest that my son and his wife attend AIAnon meetings if they have not already done so.
I do know that my Granddaughter has attended AA meetings, but they did not cause her to change her ways.

I was there the morning that she was scheduled to depart for the Rehab Center and her behavior was shocking to me. She rationalized and resisted to the point that it took them two hours to get her into the car. By then my son and his wife were completely drained. I stayed out of it completely, but I will never forget what happened.


----------



## fmdog44 (Mar 22, 2021)

"At _*34*_ it's time he grows up"???!!! (no comment)


----------



## asp3 (Mar 22, 2021)

Sassycakes said:


> Up u_ntil a few months ago, I had a very good relationship with my son. He went through a very hard divorce and his ex-wife drained him financially. My husband_ and I helped him in every way we could. He lived with us for a while and then met someone and moved in with her. I gave him my ATM card and he used it a lot. If his sons needed anything we gave them what they needed and said it came from their Dad. My daughter had his children over her house every holiday and his girlfriend and her children were invited also. All of a sudden he got mad at me, my husband, and my daughter and said we were too friendly with his ex. Yes, we did still speak to her because we would never want to hurt our grandsons. I haven't heard from him for months and just about a week ago I found out he moved to another state a distance from where we live. I can't reach him on his cell phone or even in his email. It's funny because for many years we paid for his cell phone, his girlfriend's cell phone and even her son's. He speaks to his sons but never mentions me or his Dad or sister.
> What he has done has broken our hearts.



I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, but it reminds me of something I went through with my parents and their relationship with my ex.  I never cut them completely out of my life but we didn't spend as much time as we would have if they hadn't been so helpful and friendly with my ex.  They saw themselves as just helping my grandson and maintaining their relationship with them.  However the support and help they gave her by taking of my son when he was supposed to be with her and also providing other financial and emotional support made it easier to maintain her portion of the custody without having to actually be fully invested in my son and without having to make sacrifices to do so.  It made it much easier for her to fight for her desired custody level and not have to give anything up to do so.

Based on what you wrote about how your son's ex has put him through the ringer I can relate to that.  I couldn't see how my parents could be so civil, helpful and friendly to my ex even though she was making my life very difficult.  I resented them very much for a long time.

Thankfully my relationship with my parents was and is much better now.  My mother passed away last year but we were on good terms when she passed.  We've been spending a lot of time with my father since then and our relationship with him is quite good and continuing to get better.


----------



## Mr. Ed (Mar 22, 2021)

My wife & I drove our children away long time ago


----------



## C'est Moi (Mar 22, 2021)

old medic said:


> Our son has me about ready to just strangle him...
> A long (and seemingly never ending ) story...
> He got me pissed enough that in a few minutes.. after finishing my 6th 12 hour shift in 7 days, Im leaving from work with his trailer in tow,
> Driving 550 miles to drop it off at his new place, turn around and driving back, to come back to work Tuesday night.
> ...


You're a good dad, OM.   The good news is, now he's 550 miles away.


----------



## PamfromTx (Mar 22, 2021)

Yes, my husband's 34 year old son has yet to grow up and does drive us nuts at times.  I don't especially like how he depends on his father ~ financially at times.  He is 34 years old, for crying out loud.  I, at his age was on my own, buying a house and had already worked a full-time job for over 10 years.


----------



## timoc (Mar 22, 2021)

old medic said:


> Our son has me about ready to just strangle him...
> A long (and seemingly never ending ) story...
> He got me pissed enough that in a few minutes.. after finishing my 6th 12 hour shift in 7 days, Im leaving from work with his trailer in tow,
> Driving 550 miles to drop it off at his new place, turn around and driving back, to come back to work Tuesday night.
> ...


You have the patience of a Saint and a really big heart, he's more than lucky to have you, but I'm afraid I would have toe-ended him up his backside long ago. At 34, he should be helping YOU, not stressing you out, tell him to get off his ar*e and do things for himself.


----------



## Ladybj (Mar 22, 2021)

I agree...at 34 time to grow up. What would he have done if you was not able to help him?  I don't mind helping my adult kids every once in a while (depending on the situation) - they understand mom is plan Z.  If you go through the alphabets and if you get to plan Z and have not figured it out, you did not try hard enough.  If we always come to their aide ALL THE TIME... we are teaching them not to figure things out for themselves...jmo.  I teach my kids to be self sufficient.  Mom will not always be here to bail you out.


----------



## jujube (Mar 22, 2021)

As they say: "Insanity is hereditary.......you get it from your kids."


----------



## fuzzybuddy (Mar 22, 2021)

Sassycakes said:


> Up u_ntil a few months ago, I had a very good relationship with my son. He went through a very hard divorce and his ex-wife drained him financially. My husband_ and I helped him in every way we could. He lived with us for a while and then met someone and moved in with her. I gave him my ATM card and he used it a lot. If his sons needed anything we gave them what they needed and said it came from their Dad. My daughter had his children over her house every holiday and his girlfriend and her children were invited also. All of a sudden he got mad at me, my husband, and my daughter and said we were too friendly with his ex. Yes, we did still speak to her because we would never want to hurt our grandsons. I haven't heard from him for months and just about a week ago I found out he moved to another state a distance from where we live. I can't reach him on his cell phone or even in his email. It's funny because for many years we paid for his cell phone, his girlfriend's cell phone and even her son's. He speaks to his sons but never mentions me or his Dad or sister.
> What he has done has broken our hearts.


You paid his girlfriend's cell phone bill????????????? Don't you think you were somewhat  over indulgent with your son. I wouldn't have the guts to ask my parents to do that. But I can tell you that I did not like it all, when my mother carried on a super friendly relationship with my ex. It really tore me up. It may be seem childish, but, to me, it's "fraternizing with the enemy". While you didn't mention, was your son aware that  you still continued a relationship with his ex, before his blow  up? Or did he learn about the continuing relationship, and felt you were going behind his back, and that was the cause of the blow up? As for me, I found out from a friend my mother was  still carrying on such a relationship behind my back, so I didn't speak to her for a year. It was like being lied to. BTW In my case , there are no kids involved.


----------



## Pecos (Mar 22, 2021)

What is it with all these 34 year old child-adults, that seems to be the age most mentioned on this thread. Is there something programmed into people telling them to act out at 34?


----------



## Lara (Mar 22, 2021)

Does he have a job there? If not, be ready for the day when he calls and wants you to pick him up and take hime back home. Just be strong and say, "sell your trailer, buy a used car that is approved by Uber, work hard everyday, and at night, park your car in a free campground and save your money. Buy food at Target that you can grill on the campground grills...or humble yourself and eat at a soup kitchen. Because it's time you break out on your own. You'll be proud of yourself when you have enough money for a small apartment."

Also, he can get a job at a nat'l park where he can stay there if he's working there.


----------



## Rosemarie (Mar 23, 2021)

Why are so many parents reluctant to let their children become adults? Is it because they need to feel useful and needed? I wonder what will happen when this lady has a problem herself, will she be able to depend on her children to help her, or will she be left to fend for herself?


----------



## Leonie (Mar 23, 2021)

What's that old saying ...  something like if you drop everything to be there for someone when they need help you can be sure they will think of you - when they need help again.


----------



## Aunt Bea (Mar 23, 2021)

Leonie said:


> What's that old saying ...  something like if you drop everything to be there for someone when they need help you can be sure they will think of you - when they need help again.


It's true.

We always try the solution that worked for us the last time and keep on trying it until it doesn't work for us anymore.


----------



## Keesha (Mar 23, 2021)

As my husband would say, ‘No, just everyone else’s.’


----------



## old medic (Mar 23, 2021)

Sorry to hear of others children issues... but its good to share the pain...
Our son almost died following birth, required surgery and given a 50/50 chance of making it.
He recovered well, but began having issues as a teen, he gets to vomiting and cant stop... gets hospitalized several times a year.
He got on disability about 10 years ago. He uses it as an excuse to try and get out of doing anything, or get some one to do it for him.
If you give an inch, he expects a mile... We have been doing minimal stuff for him for several years
And no he has no vehicle.... he has crashed everything hes owned plus 2 of ours... always someone elses fault or swerved to miss deer..
Anyway Im back home... 1150 miles in 26 hours.... 4 hour nap on an exit ramp last night...
good news is they got someone to work tonight so Im off the hook


----------



## JonDouglas (Mar 23, 2021)

At some time or another, all children drive their parents nuts.  It is just a matter of when, how much and how often.  The bigger issue is how you deal with it and affect outcomes.


----------



## Gary O' (Mar 23, 2021)

This thread reminds me of a poster I created a couple/three decades ago

Its rather crudely put together, but I enjoyed making the point;


----------

