# Has anyone you really liked, change and start liking your "enemy"?



## Paco Dennis (May 8, 2021)

You thought and felt so similar towards so many things. Then they changed and started befriending people who used to be those you didn't like?

For instance I had a friend who was humble, god loving, family value  type, and then started befriending the get rich crowd!! :|


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## Alligatorob (May 8, 2021)

I find the people I like are often much different, both from each other and me.  I don't hang out with "like minded" folks so much.  

Sometimes my initial impression may not be positive and then changes as I get to know someone, but going from enemy to friend is not something I can remember happening.

Interesting question.


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## Giantsfan1954 (May 8, 2021)

Yup, my stepson and family.
After his Dad died in 06, he kind of “adopted” me as his Mom(bio Mom passed in 95), due to the age difference of myself and hubby SS is only 2 years younger than I.
All of a sudden I am invisible, no holiday calls, I sent gifts for both girls birthdays and the only way I knew they were delivered was the USPS tracking number...
Not real sure what to think.


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## Aunt Marg (May 8, 2021)

We lost a couple of friends a number of years ago as a result of them changing. They seemed enamoured with those who's lifestyles reflected well-heeled, and every weekend they would go out of their way to make mention of the fact that they were going to so-and-so's place, or getting together with so-and-so, and you should see their house, and they have a recreational property (here or there).

Neither hubby or I have ever been swayed or taken by other people's lifestyles and money, we're simple people that do our own thing, and there's always been a lot of love in our home, both from the standpoint of close family as well as extending a warm welcome to all who come into our home.

In the beginning I'd be lying if I said that we (hubby and I) weren't somewhat hurt by being snubbed and dropped like hot potatoes for a cheap class of people that are typically artificial and shallow, but being who we are, we remained steadfast to our own lives and carried on just the same, and just like the sun rises each day, the relationship between our friends and their newfound, well-heeled, mucky-muck crowd quickly fizzled out, and just like the sun sets each day, the telephone started ringing once again.

Invitations were back on the table, asking us to do this with them, or that with them, but by that point dear husband and I had moved on, so not only did our old friends lose us as good friends, they lost their Richie-rich crowd they were keeping, but the most important thing our friends lost when they lost us, they lost two good people who were always there for them through thick and thin, good old-fashioned honest people they could trust and always count on no matter what.

My mom had a collector plate hanging on the wall of her kitchen that read...


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## SetWave (May 8, 2021)

Met a guy at work in the '80s and we became instant friends. I loved his sense of humor and we were like those peas in a pod . . .
He moved away but we kept in touch and visited a few times a year. The last time I saw him he was very rude and strange. Instead of staying the night I left about 0200 and have never been in contact since. 
Growing up as a military dependent one doesn't make any lifelong friends. He felt like the brother I never had and his behavior hurt me terribly. Why didn't I discuss it with him? Because there's just no point. His behavior was obvious. 
Sad.


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## Jules (May 8, 2021)

People change and drift apart.  The ones who changed may even be us.


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## grahamg (May 8, 2021)

Jules said:


> People change and drift apart.  The ones who changed may even be us.


My father used to say:"Friendships don't last for ever"!


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## Gary O' (May 8, 2021)

Has anyone you really liked, change and start liking your "enemy"?​
Grade school gurls did that all the time

Now?
Who gives a rat's pooper?

I prolly have enemies that like each other because they both dislike me

Way it goes

Best git in line

That line gets long at times

 I had to delete the rest of this post
(its of no benefit)


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## Alligatorob (May 8, 2021)

Giantsfan1954 said:


> After his Dad died in 06, he kind of “adopted” me as his Mom(bio Mom passed in 95), due to the age difference of myself and hubby SS is only 2 years younger than I.
> All of a sudden I am invisible, no holiday calls, I sent gifts for both girls birthdays and the only way I knew they were delivered was the USPS tracking number...
> Not real sure what to think.


Sorry this happened to you.  I had a somewhat similar problem with my brother and his kids.  I just tried to ignore it and kept reaching out, to the kids and to him.  It was hard at first, but I was persistent and found ways.  His kids are now grown and I have great relationships with all 4 of them.  Nothing really changed with brother, I just have to remember it's him not me.  Maybe something similar could work for you.  Just remember it is him, not you.


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## Lara (May 8, 2021)

I had a handful of fake friends here that turned on me for exercising my freedom of speech as a Christian, not to change anyone's mind but to answer questions from a Biblical viewpoint. Yet I was called names and bullied by the clique they formed.

When the political thread was banned here, they left (have since returned) and started their own forum. What's really crazy is one of them started a thread there called "Lara". When fake friends, back-stabbers, artificial people stop talking *to *you they start talking *about *you. They also attack you and not your post when they have nothing intelligent to add to the discussion.

Always remember, you have genuine loyal friends in the wings. I understand when they don't want to enter the fray to support me and I wouldn't want them to risk losing friends. But the ones who did take that risk for me are forever in a special place in my heart. They were brave and loyal...you know who you are.

A genuine friend and member here alerted me to the "Lara" hate thread and I went over to read what they were all discussing about me. Mostly females, a couple of them had hatred. Their forum closed so some returned here with new names, some kept their names. They continued here. It hurt at first but didn't take me long to realize they didn't deserve my energy. I was just happy that I don't turn on people and hate them  because they're different than me.

But one good thing about being a minority, whether it be race, religion, too rich, too poor,, etc:
It makes picking out fake friends really easy. I don't respect them...*I have to respect someone in order to be offended* 
`


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## grahamg (May 8, 2021)

Lara said:


> I had a handful of fake friends here that turned on me for exercising my freedom of speech as a Christian, not to change anyone's mind but to answer questions from a Biblical viewpoint. Yet I was called names and bullied by the clique they formed.
> 
> When the political thread was banned here, they left (have since returned) and started their own forum. What's really crazy is one of them started a thread there called "Lara". When fake friends, back-stabbers, artificial people stop talking *to *you they start talking *about *you. They also attack you and not your post when they have nothing intelligent to add to the discussion.
> 
> ...


I tend to "go out on my own", or hold views others might dislike and object to, and I recognise the tendency you describe to pick upon someone, (though I've never been bullied on a forum).

It is maybe a fact too, that when trying to explain your situation people with no real idea what went on may jump to unwarranted conclusions blaming you to an extent, (maybe we're all guilty of this trait). A friend did once try to helpfully point something out to me, concerning some victimisation I was affected by "in real life",(i. e. not online). She said "there will be a reason why you've been picked on", and I think she was right there, the reason being in my case, was my being a soft character I think, (though I've hardened up since).


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## maybenot (May 8, 2021)

People who personally attack the poster rather than the post are ( imo) cowards who, if they were to confront you face to face will invariably backtrack by sayings such as, " I was only joking" or " I didn't mean it in the way you took it" etc. etc, ... weak excuses to cover up the 'inner bully' that they really are.

  It costs nothing to be kind and even less to just move on to another topic


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## Irwin (May 8, 2021)

I can't think of any instance ever in my life where I started liking someone who was previously my enemy since I don't consider anyone my enemy unless they've done me wrong in a major way. Even so, I can forgive that person, but I doubt I'm ever going to start "liking" them.

Online, nobody can hurt me enough for me to hate them—dislike, maybe, but not hate. If someone's being disrespectful, they go into my ignore list. Life's too short to waste time on people like that when you don't have to. I don't get off on bickering and name calling.


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## FastTrax (May 8, 2021)

ROTFLMAO x 10


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## Lara (May 9, 2021)

grahamg said:


> It is maybe a fact too, that when trying to explain your situation people with no real idea what went on may jump to unwarranted conclusions blaming you to an extent, (maybe we're all guilty of this trait). A friend did once try to helpfully point something out to me, concerning some victimisation I was affected by "in real life",(i. e. not online). She said "there will be a reason why you've been picked on", and I think she was right there, the reason being in my case, was my being a soft character I think, (though I've hardened up since).


I understand your point but in this situation my "crime" was to answer questions from a Biblical perspective. I looked at it as informative to the discussion but the Christian faith often makes unbelievers uncomfortable.

I'm uncomfortable when atheists post too...but the difference is that I'm not rude to them nor bully them with a small army of comrades backing me up....and I respect their right to believe what they want and share it. I do admit that I will sometimes remind them that there's no scientific  proof one way or the other if God exists. It's faith on both sides to take a stand for or against. That comment irritates them but it's true.

I actually go so far as to prefer a difference of opinion because that's what makes a fun and informative discussion. Without it I would be bored.


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## Dana (May 9, 2021)

_I am happy to say I don't consider anyone an enemy...if on the other hand, someone considers me their enemy...then good luck to them. I am enjoying my life and have no care for the bitter souls in this world...I prefer to just ignore them.

What you see here is what you get of me in real life. I say it as it is. I tell you what I think to your face, not behind your back. I hate gossip, I do not belong to cliques. I have a great number of acquaintances but my inner circle is quite small...numbering around twenty five people. Yes, I choose the people I hang out with very carefully...
_


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## horseless carriage (May 9, 2021)

Enemy sounds a strong word. If someone we once liked starts to drift away, that's for them to do, I don't think about it. Aunt Marg's post resonated with me where she states:
_"Neither hubby or I have ever been swayed or taken by other people's lifestyles and money, we're simple people that do our own thing, and there's always been a lot of love in our home, both from the standpoint of close family as well as extending a warm welcome to all who come into our home."_
My wife and I consider ourselves to be honest people, born without the silver spoon in our mouths, take us as we are, or not at all. We consider ourselves fortunate to have a few luxuries, our home is a far cry from what either of us grew up in, but we wouldn't delete a friend because of where they lived, anymore than who they prayed to,or didn't. Or whom they voted for, or didn't.


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## grahamg (May 9, 2021)

Lara said:


> "I understand your point but in this situation my "crime" was to answer questions from a Biblical perspective. I looked at it as informative to the discussion but the Christian faith often makes unbelievers uncomfortable."
> Break "I actually go so far as to prefer a difference of opinion because that's what makes a fun and informative discussion. Without it I would be bored."


I'll not be excused by some for saying this, "BUT", (there's always a but!), my own daughter aged 8 or 10 years declared herself to be an atheist. Her little school friends being somewhat shocked by her definitive statement did shake her a little though I think, (her mum was an atheist too, but less said of that the better!).
My only point concerning religion is yes, it is being marginalised for all kinds of reasons, (not many of them good reasons in my view), and you probably just caught some of that flack, and I'd be careful myself mentioning anything about religion till I knew peoples likely reactions.


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## Nathan (May 9, 2021)

Paco Dennis said:


> Has anyone you really liked, change and start liking your "enemy"?


Not that I can recall, but I had learned long ago that people do change, and that's O.K., I change as well.    

I hear my daughter lament about how she and her high school friends have drifted apart, that's pretty common I believe, as we grow up, take jobs and get married.     In my own life leaving school and the military behind and moving forward in life meant shedding friendships with people who were going in different directions.    Life happens.


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## Dana (May 9, 2021)

A question that begs to be asked. To my way of thinking a friend is someone you have met and associate with in person, have outings with, share confidences with, go out with. With that in mind, how can people on a public forum be described as "friends" so much so, they have a hold on someone. I simply do not understand.


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## Nathan (May 9, 2021)

Dana said:


> A question that begs to be asked. To my way of thinking a friend is someone you have met and associate with in person, have outings with, share confidences with, go out with. With that in mind, how can people on a public forum be described as "friends" so much so, they have a hold on someone. I simply do not understand.


Online friendships just go by a different definition than Real Life _in-person_ friends. That said, I've met several "online" friends in-person, had lunch with a couple, went to a computer software/technology convention with another. I am "friends" on Facebook with several other online friends from various forums. All these folks have turned out to be just like their online personas, which I find some comfort in.


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## AnnieA (May 9, 2021)

Paco Dennis said:


> You thought and felt so similar towards so many things. Then they changed and started befriending people who used to be those you didn't like?
> 
> For instance I had a friend who was humble, god loving, family value  type, and then started befriending the get rich crowd!! :|



Yes.  I had to cut contact with one friend because of it.  She and I became friends in Mississippi in our 20s and prided ourselves as "thinking outside the box" when it came to world views.   She then moved out of the South to an uber-liberal Midwestern town which I loved visiting ...loved the vibe there.  Three or four years after she moved, her mother (with whom she fought constantly) died, and she apparently missed the fighting and turned on me.  She may have others as well...I dunno.  I all the sudden got every disparaging ultra-liberal label for conservatives in the book thrown at me.  When I asked why she thought I'd changed and become all those things, all I'd ever get is "you've never lived outside the South."  Never a concrete example of how a view of mine had actually changed, and when I would question her in-depth, it often wound up that we still felt the same way about a lot of issues.  It got so exhausting for every conversation to devolve into name calling that I had to tell her I wished her the best in life but had started dreading seeing her number on caller ID.  That was my clue to move on and I stopped answering her calls.

How that ties in with 'enemies' ...people I dislike the most are idealistic or religious fundamentalists.  That encompasses any extreme world view or any flavor of religion.


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## Nathan (May 9, 2021)

AnnieA said:


> How that ties in with 'enemies' ...people I dislike the most are idealistic or religious fundamentalists. That encompasses any extreme world view or any flavor of religion.


Agreed, such a _deal breaker_ for me as well.


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## officerripley (May 9, 2021)

AnnieA said:


> Yes.  I had to cut contact with one friend because of it.  She and I became friends in Mississippi in our 20s and prided ourselves as "thinking outside the box" when it came to world views.   She then moved out of the South to an uber-liberal Midwestern town which I loved visiting ...loved the vibe there.  Then her mother (with whom she fought constantly) died, and she apparently missed the fighting and turned on me.  She may have others as well...I dunno.  I all the sudden got every disparaging ultra-liberal label for conservatives in the book thrown at me.  When I asked why she thought I'd changed and become all those things, all I'd ever get is "you've never lived outside the South."  Never a concrete example of how a view of mine had actually changed, and when I would question her in depth, it often wound up that we still felt the same way about a lot of issues.  It got so exhausting for every conversation to devolve into name calling that I had to tell her I wished her the best in life but had started dreading seeing her number on caller ID.  That was my clue to move on and I stopped answering her calls.
> 
> How that ties in with 'enemies' ...people I dislike the most are idealistic or religious fundamentalists.  That encompasses any extreme world view or any flavor of religion.


Sorry for that happening, Annie. Unfortunately, it seems to be kind of common: a few years back, I saw an online argument on a liberal forum. A white male who lived in the Amer. South was taken to task for describing himself as a "liberal" by a white male who lived in New York City. The NYC guy told the Southern guy that there was no way he could rightfully call himself a liberal if he "insisted on" living in the South, that the South should never have even become a part of the U.S. due to its "Caribbean, plantation-based, racist economy." The Southern guy kept trying to defend himself but the NYC guy was really sh*tty to him. Welp, the comments had been closed but if they weren't I think I might've pointed out the the Amer. South has no corner on being racist; in fact, there was a profitable slave-returning service being run out of NYC for all or most of the 19th Century up 'till the Civil War, for crying out loud! (Try telling some people that, though, sigh.)


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## WhatInThe (May 9, 2021)

Whew, try to walk the tight rope of family politics and  you'll probably fail. Everybody is either  opinionated or in a relationship for a reason. Then there are the family connivers & manipulators. 

If one is truely surprised in situations like this they probably never had people or the relationship dynamics figured out. Sometimes by design with those putting on an act.


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## AnnieA (May 9, 2021)

officerripley said:


> Sorry for that happening, Annie. Unfortunately, it seems to be kind of common: a few years back, I saw an online argument on a liberal forum. A white male who lived in the Amer. South was taken to task for describing himself as a "liberal" by a white male who lived in New York City. The NYC guy told the Southern guy that there was no way he could rightfully call himself a liberal if he "insisted on" living in the South, that the South should never have even become a part of the U.S. due to its "Caribbean, plantation-based, racist economy." The Southern guy kept trying to defend himself but the NYC guy was really sh*tty to him. Welp, the comments had been closed but if they weren't I think I might've pointed out the the Amer. South has no corner on being racist; in fact, there was a profitable slave-returning service being run out of NYC for all or most of the 19th Century up 'till the Civil War, for crying out loud! (Try telling some people that, though, sigh.)



I'm not surprised.  It isn't just a world view misconception. A girl from Indianapolis who came to my college in the South in the 80s brought a big box full of mixed tapes she'd made.  She thought we didn't have radio stations lol.

As far as racism today, I've had black friends tell me they have experienced more racism in parts of the country that don't have a significant black population than in the South.  Totally makes sense now that we study, work and play alongside each other and have blended families.  It's by no means perfect, but now that there's no longer enforced segregation, the walls for some fell quickly; black and white at first_ had _to get along ...for a lot of people that then progressed to enjoying getting along.

The Southern prejudice doesn't stop with whites.  Black people in the South are often perceived as being backwards for staying regardless of how successful and fulfilling their lives may be here.


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## Paco Dennis (May 9, 2021)

Dana said:


> A question that begs to be asked. To my way of thinking a friend is someone you have met and associate with in person, have outings with, share confidences with, go out with. With that in mind, how can people on a public forum be described as "friends" so much so, they have a hold on someone. I simply do not understand.


Good insight. What you say is true. There is "real" life, and then there is our "virtual" life. The problem is that within us all we react to how people respond to us. It is in our genes. It doensn't matter which place your words /actions are reacted to...we FEEL the same way's. I know some people who used to behave in person, the same way they do virtually, and if we all didn't have the time lag and animosity we would be stipped of writing about "being ourselves", and have to perform it in real time in someone's face.


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## Paco Dennis (May 9, 2021)

WhatInThe said:


> Whew, try to walk the tight rope of family politics and  you'll probably fail. Everybody is either  opinionated or in a relationship for a reason. Then there are the family connivers & manipulators.
> 
> If one is truely surprised in situations like this they probably *never had people or the relationship dynamics figured out*. Sometimes by design with those putting on an act.


I am 69 and still don't! Ha! Please stand up if you have this "figured out."


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## horseless carriage (May 9, 2021)

Paco Dennis said:


> I am 69 and still don't!


Me neither! Soixante neuf, indeed!


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## Warrigal (May 9, 2021)

I may walk around with blinkers on all the time but I have never really felt that anyone was my personal enemy in school although I did get a pretty strong feeling that my Year 7 maths teacher didn't like me very much. That may not have been personal to me. I don't think she liked many of us.

In adult life and online I know by the responses that my posts on certain topics have irritated some people but I don't take their reactions personally. However, I abhor cruelty. Some children may like pulling the legs off crickets but I could never contemplate doing such a thing and would not like or respect someone who enjoyed such pastimes. 

It is the same on forums. I have witnessed instances of mean girl (and nasty man) behaviour and I know exactly what Lara experienced because of her posts. I don't know what satisfaction people get from targeting someone for online bullying. I seem to remember writing a very long post some time ago on this very subject. None of us know what is going on in someone else's life or what happened to them in the past, just as we have no idea what pain is caused to a harmless cricket when its legs are pulled off. For that reason I am friendly to all and if my posts seem unfriendly it is unintentional. However, my real friends are few and they are people I have known for years, in the flesh.

Luke 6:31


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## Dana (May 9, 2021)

Nathan said:


> Online friendships just go by a different definition than Real Life _in-person_ friends. That said, I've met several "online" friends in-person, had lunch with a couple, went to a computer software/technology convention with another. I am "friends" on Facebook with several other online friends from various forums. All these folks have turned out to be just like their online personas, which I find some comfort in.


.
_At least you have actually met them in the flesh. I have a bunch of friends, I met on a professional women's site and we have met, lunched together and two years ago, we all met for a convention and it turned into a beautiful weekend of friendship. We are now real friends._


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## Dana (May 9, 2021)

*If people feel they have to make "enemies" on an anonymous site such as this one, then there is something very wrong with their internal compass.*
_*Makes no sense to me to form cliques to fight an imaginary battle with phantom "enenies." *_


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## MarciKS (May 9, 2021)




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## Gaer (May 10, 2021)

Not "enemies" but I've lost" friends/aquaintences" as soon as they find out I am a painter, sculptress and have written books.  
As long as they don't know what I do, they like me.  As soon as I show them my art or my books, they want nothing more to do with me.
Also, they turn away if I say anything metaphysical; anything outside their limited beliefs. I don't understand it.
Guess I'm an odd duck!
So, I can only be their "friend" if i speak only of meaningless crap and hide who I am. just nod and smile.


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## Aunt Marg (May 10, 2021)

Gaer said:


> Not "enemies" but I've lost" friends/aquaintences" as soon as they find out I am a painter, sculptress and have written books.
> As long as they don't know what I do, they like me.  As soon as I show them my art or my books, they want nothing more to do with me.
> Also, they turn away if I say anything metaphysical; anything outside their limited beliefs. I don't understand it.
> Guess I'm an odd duck!
> So, I can only be their "friend" if i speak only of meaningless crap and hide who I am. just nod and smile.


How sad that is, because in speaking for myself, I would be even more inclined to befriend a person like yourself, Gaer, account your interesting life through your hobbies.


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## Devi (May 10, 2021)

Gaer said:


> Not "enemies" but I've lost" friends/aquaintences" as soon as they find out I am a painter, sculptress and have written books.
> As long as they don't know what I do, they like me.  As soon as I show them my art or my books, they want nothing more to do with me.
> Also, they turn away if I say anything metaphysical; anything outside their limited beliefs. I don't understand it.
> Guess I'm an odd duck!
> So, I can only be their "friend" if i speak only of meaningless crap and hide who I am. just nod and smile.


In my experience, some folks aren't comfortable with artists. Or anything metaphysical. Or anyone accomplished.

I know it can be a drag. But may I suggest finding a better quality of friend?


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## JonDouglas (May 10, 2021)

As you well know, we all change over time as do the social dynamics of those we interact with.  Friendships are different from familial relationships because we choose to enter into them without the benefit of structural norms.  Friends become friends for a variety of reasons (e.g., shared interests) and over time, other demands (e.g., job, health, family needs, etc.) can easily become more pressing than friendships.  People go their separate ways over time and friendships seem to diminish as we get older..


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## Sassycakes (Jun 14, 2021)

The only person I was friends with and now I do not bother with was my sister's husband's sister. When he was young his parents divorced. The father took 3 of the kids and the mother only kept the baby. Neither of them wanted the oldest child who my sister later married. He lived in his grandmother's basement. When he was 11yrs old he was hit by a bus and spent months in the hospitol. When he got out neither parent wanted him so he went to a boy's home. He got out when he was 16yrs old. He met my sister 2 yrs later. They fell in love instantly and eloped. After they were married for a while she tried to get his family back in his life. One of his sisters became friends and since she had a son she wanted him to have family around him. So she asked my sister and her family to go see her and spend weekends together. They invited me and my family also. She preferred my kids over her brother's kids and showed it Then when my BIL passed away she made fun of my Husband when she saw how sad he was over the loss of my BIL. Then last year my sister's youngest son passed away and she didn't even attend the wake. That was the end of my relationship with her and my sister also doesn't bother with her anymore either.


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## grahamg (Jun 15, 2021)

WhatInThe said:


> Whew, try to walk the tight rope of family politics and  you'll probably fail. Everybody is either  opinionated or in a relationship for a reason. Then there are the family connivers & manipulators.
> 
> If one is truely surprised in situations like this they probably never had people or the relationship dynamics figured out. Sometimes by design with those putting on an act.


Very astute responses and insights, if you don't mind my saying.  

(I'm one of those who took my time figuring those things too  )


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