# Do you feel that others really know you?



## Amethyst1 (Mar 4, 2014)

I have realized for a long time that no one really understands and know me.
By that I mean, deeper desires, needs, values. Superficially, yes.

Since some of you are married, can I assume that your spouse really knows you
as you know yourself? Or do they just think they do? Do they care about that?

Parents are supposed to know us, since they have known us longest,
but they are often mistaken, very much so.

It is sad that no one understands and never will. Perhaps because they do not even care
to understand.


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## Falcon (Mar 4, 2014)

Superficially, as you say, YES,  But some folks (Maybe most) are carrying around some secret they don't want to be

revealed. What is it they say?  "You don't really know a person until you've walked a mile in their shoes."


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## nan (Mar 4, 2014)

I think I know my hubby pretty well, being that I have known him since he was  10,and I think he knows me very well by now,we will be married 45 years this year,so if he doesn't know me by now he never will.
Although  being a Scorpio I can have a few secrets


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## Fern (Mar 4, 2014)

My hubby has a pretty good idea of what makes me tick, but I can still surprise him,we have been married for 53 years .


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## SifuPhil (Mar 4, 2014)

People know what I choose for them to know, nothing more but sometimes less.

I don't think it's sad, though - I _like_ having my own hidden castle ...


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## SeaBreeze (Mar 4, 2014)

My husband knows me very well, we've been together now around forty years.  I feel I know him also.  Can't say that many others _really_ know me, because they haven't spent that much time around me, or are intimate enough to know the real 'me'.  My parents and family knew me well as a child, but not as an adult.  I think for one to really get to know you, they have to really care about you, and you them.


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## i_am_Lois (Mar 4, 2014)

I think people who have been close to me... family & good friends, are aware of my basic personality, basic needs, basic wants, basic desires, basic passions. I say basic because there is a me that exists below the surface. A small part of me. I am the only one with a key to that place. It's where I keep highly personal emotional feelings, memories & fantasies related to events, I prefer to keep private.


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## Sid (Mar 4, 2014)

I hope not.


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## Justme (Mar 5, 2014)

My family know me better than anyone else, but I don't share all my thoughts with them by any means, even my husband. I like to keep part of me to myself.


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## Gael (Mar 5, 2014)

I'm very expressive, assertive and self aware so people know me pretty well in terms of my opinions and likes/dislikes. But what they don't know are the personal, intimate details and they never will.


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## Gael (Mar 5, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> People know what I choose for them to know, nothing more but sometimes less.
> 
> I don't think it's sad, though - I _like_ having my own hidden castle ...



Keep that moat up too! Too often they storm the castle and plunder!!:sentimental:


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## Gael (Mar 5, 2014)

Just sayin said:


> Would we in all honesty really want people to know our innermost thoughts and feelings, to understand us completely? Isn’t it what makes us unique and others interesting around us? It’s what makes us dress up for that first date, it’s an image we want to present. It’s what makes us _want_ to know instead of already knowing. The more we know of others, the more we see a reflection of ourselves.



The spilling the guts situation often creates more problems then it's worth. First, most can't handle the truth to quote a film line.

Second, it often is just a need for release that accomplishes not much.

And third, it's not necessary ultimately.


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## SifuPhil (Mar 5, 2014)

Gael said:


> Keep that moat up too! Too often they storm the castle and plunder!!:sentimental:



If they somehow manage to get across the moat they'll find plenty more surprises inside.


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## SifuPhil (Mar 5, 2014)

Just sayin said:


> I once went to one of these past life regression sessions out of curiosity. She tried to put me in a relaxed, state like trance, but it didn’t work. I wanted to know, but when it came to the crunch, I didn’t want her to open the little box labelled ‘me’. ‘Me’ is mine.



Taoist philosophy holds that you have to "open yourself" to the Tao in order to become balanced or, as they refer to it, a "perfect Human". 

I have no problem opening myself up to the Tao - it's _people_ I have the problem with.


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## rt3 (Mar 5, 2014)

"why, why, why, do I have to explain?"  Van Morrison.


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## Gael (Mar 5, 2014)

SifuPhil said:


> If they somehow manage to get across the moat they'll find plenty more surprises inside.



That's it, brother. Full alert all systems go!


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## That Guy (Mar 5, 2014)

I hide behind a wall of comedy always wishing someone would mutter the secret password allowing them past the wire and into my heart.  I whine that I'm lonely and then want to be alone.  Have always longed for close friends and family yet have neither.  Rarely, someone sees that man behind the curtain and I love them for the depth of their perception.


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## Gael (Mar 5, 2014)

That Guy said:


> I hide behind a wall of comedy always wishing someone would mutter the secret password allowing them past the wire and into my heart.  I whine that I'm lonely and then want to be alone.  Have always longed for close friends and family yet have neither.  Rarely, someone sees that man behind the curtain and I love them for the depth of their perception.



You have classic fear of intimacy issues I'd say.

Some info:
http://phobias.about.com/od/phobiaslist/a/Fear-Of-Intimacy.htm


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## That Guy (Mar 5, 2014)

Gael said:


> You have classic fear of intimacy issues I'd say.



The therapists at the Vietnam Veterans Outreach Center and I have explored that ad nauseam . . .


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## Gael (Mar 5, 2014)

That Guy said:


> The therapists at the Vietnam Veterans Outreach Center and I have explored that ad nauseam . . .



Sounds like you didn't get results. Maybe they weren't the best source of therapy for you?


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## That Guy (Mar 5, 2014)

Gael said:


> Sounds like you didn't get results. Maybe they weren't the best source of therapy for you?



Oh, Gael, if only I could find the way to tell you.  I learned a lot there and was able to put some of the ghosts away.  They were and continue to be wonderful and caring people dealing with some very complicated issues.  It's an ongoing process.  I think it's commonly referred to as "Life and Life, only" . . .


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## Ina (Mar 5, 2014)

Sure am glad I won't be paying her insurance premiums.  :rofl:


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## Gael (Mar 5, 2014)

That Guy said:


> Uh Oh!  I really blew it this time.  It's all lies I tell you.  LIES!  Actually, I'm just a bored 12-year-old girl waiting for something better to come along.  Whew.  There.  That oughta do it . . .    Almost gave up the ghost that time.  Gonna be much more careful from here on out.  Thanks for the heads up!



:eek1:


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## Gael (Mar 5, 2014)

That Guy said:


> Oh, Gael, if only I could find the way to tell you.  I learned a lot there and was able to put some of the ghosts away.  They were and continue to be wonderful and caring people dealing with some very complicated issues.  It's an ongoing process.  I think it's commonly referred to as "Life and Life, only" . . .



Glad that you made some progress and that you encountered good folks in the process. At least there's that! And I hope you are able to go further towards achieving the results you long for.


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## That Guy (Mar 5, 2014)

Ina said:


> Sure am glad I won't be paying her insurance premiums.  :rofl:



I think people who drive like that care neither for insurance nor a drivers license...


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## Gael (Mar 5, 2014)

It's easier for most people. Now for the good folks here ,that's a plus. But the downside is the online abusers who precisely because of the anonyminity the web provides say things they'd never dare to if they had to face the person.


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## That Guy (Mar 5, 2014)

Gael said:


> Glad that you made some progress and that you encountered good folks in the process. At least there's that! And I hope you are able to go further towards achieving the results you long for.



Jeez, I didn't mean to make this "Me, Me and all about Me" but the subject was entertained.  Doubt I'll ever be truly okay with it all.  But, it's something one learns to live with over time.  I do make an effort to see things in a positive light and that's probably the most encouraging day after day.  Thanks for your concern.  I think that's what makes this a great place for everyone.


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## drifter (Mar 5, 2014)

*I think people who have been close to me... family & good friends, are aware of my basic personality, basic needs, basic wants, basic desires, basic passions. I say basic because there is a me that exists below the surface. A small part of me. I am the only one with a key to that place. It's where I keep highly personal emotional feelings, memories & fantasies related to events, I prefer to keep private.*"

I think most of us feel this way  whether we want to admit it or not.


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## Mrs. Robinson (Mar 5, 2014)

I`m sure my husband really knows me-probably better than I know myself at times. Although there are those occasional times when he looks at me like I`m bat sh*t crazy  Seriously though,I think it would be very difficult to be married nearly half a century,as some of us are or have been,and not really know everything about the other person. 

Now as far as other people,no,I don`t think there is anyone who truly knows me,not even my kids really. Maybe when they were still at home,but not now. This is in spite of the fact that I`m pretty much an open book with people. If anyone wants to look at my Facebook,they can see every thing I have on there-nothing is private. But I only put what I don`t mind people knowing-I never share things like I see some people share. Sometimes I just feel embarrassed for people in what they put out there. 

I know that throughout my life,some people have thought I was standoffish. In reality,I`m actually pretty shy-at least until I get to know someone. Then they find out that I`m not at all standoffish.


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## Farmtex (Mar 5, 2014)

i_am_Lois said:


> I think people who have been close to me... family & good friends, are aware of my basic personality, basic needs, basic wants, basic desires, basic passions. I say basic because there is a me that exists below the surface. A small part of me. I am the only one with a key to that place. It's where I keep highly personal emotional feelings, memories & fantasies related to events, I prefer to keep private.



I am similar Lois having both public and private areas of my world. Access to the various degrees of my private worlds depend upon the degree of trust I feel in the relationship. As trust grows I will be open to increased self disclosure knowing that to do so has its own risks. The more trust I feel the more risks I am willing to take. The more private the area the greater the degree of trust I will need to feel before taking the step toward opening the next door.  Although there are risks in trusting and hurt can surely come about (and might) much rewarding growth can also be had by moving thru and beyond those closed doors.  Is such necessary for a rewarding life, not necessarily but there may be value and benefit for some.


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## Gael (Mar 6, 2014)

drifter said:


> *I think people who have been close to me... family & good friends, are aware of my basic personality, basic needs, basic wants, basic desires, basic passions. I say basic because there is a me that exists below the surface. A small part of me. I am the only one with a key to that place. It's where I keep highly personal emotional feelings, memories & fantasies related to events, I prefer to keep private.*"
> 
> I think most of us feel this way  whether we want to admit it or not.



I think you're right about that.


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## That Guy (Mar 6, 2014)

drifter said:


> *I think people who have been close to me... family & good friends, are aware of my basic personality, basic needs, basic wants, basic desires, basic passions. I say basic because there is a me that exists below the surface. A small part of me. I am the only one with a key to that place. It's where I keep highly personal emotional feelings, memories & fantasies related to events, I prefer to keep private.*"
> 
> I think most of us feel this way  whether we want to admit it or not.



So, BASICALLY, you are private . . .


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## taffboy (Jun 8, 2014)

My wife knows me and my best friend but I don't think anyone else does.


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