# Foster Parent Programs



## Lon (Dec 13, 2014)

I did not know that this program constitutes the major source of income for some folks. I always thought that Foster Parents did it out of the goodness of their heart and just liked children. (naive me). Hell, at up to $1,400 monthly per child, no wonder.


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## SeaBreeze (Dec 13, 2014)

I hear a lot of bad stories on the news about people doing it only for the money, and neglecting and abusing the children they do foster...so sad.


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## AprilT (Dec 13, 2014)

Some do it for the benefits to just self, some don't, most will tell you there aren't that much money to be gained, for those doing it right, that may be true, for those not spending the money toward the children as it was intended, there are stories to tell.  I sort of lived it from both sides to some degree.


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## jujube (Dec 13, 2014)

My parents were foster parents for years.  At one point they had six of them (five brothers and sisters and an extra boy who had been in the previous foster home with them......and an extremely bad home it was, too) for several years.  I can tell you, the money they received from the state didn't come near to covering what those kids needed.  All had bad teeth and the state said she needed to take them to the dental school clinic which was miles and miles away on the other side of the city and didn't take appointments...you just came and sat until someone could see you.  She took them to our family dentist instead and said, "Do what needs to be done and I'll pay you what I can every month for the rest of my life if needed."  He gave her an extremely low price for everything but she was indeed paying that debt off long after those kids were gone.  The kids showed up with one pair of shoes apiece and everything they owned in a paper grocery bag each.  Between my mom being a good seamstress, the kindness of friends and help from our church, those kids were well-dressed from then on.  They were also half-starved when they got there as the previous foster parents had been very stingy with the food.  The food allowance from the state did not begin to cover what five strapping boys and two girls could eat and certainly had no provision for covering things like prom dresses, Girl Scout uniforms, karate lessons, field trips, etc. that kids "need".   My mom, however, could squeeze a quarter until the buffalo's nose bled and everyone got what they "needed" and most of what they "wanted".

Finally, my dad's health got too bad and they needed to move to Florida for the weather.  A couple of the kids had aged out by then and good homes were found for the other ones.  The kids left the house with bags and bags of clothes, toiletries, radios, games, books, toys, personal effects, etc, etc.  A few months later, the state actually sent my mom and dad a "bill", saying the kids had nothing when they were relocated.  Obviously, everything they had left with had been taken from them at some point.  My mother was crushed. She told them they could sue her if they wanted, but she could produce a large number of witnesses who would testify that those kids were loaded down with stuff when they left.  

A few of the kids got back in contact with them after they aged out and one still considers my mother her Mom.  She comes to visit often with HER grandkids.  

I'm sure there are some people who go into it for the money, but there are a lot easier ways to make a buck than to be foster parents.  Thank goodness, a large portion of them are in it for the good of the kids.


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## AprilT (Dec 13, 2014)

JuJube, there's no denying there are some great foster parents out there, but, at the same time it is only fair that former foster children have a voice as well, because there are so many children who suffer through a system of abuse that never get heard.  I actually talk with a group on facebook, it's a private group and what happened to a lot of those people is heartbreaking, I've heard their stories, I've been some of their stories, I've fostered and cared for other peoples kids with a lot of love, so I know there is much good coming from the side of foster parents as well.

I've also seen a system that often turned a blind eye to keep things fluid and not upset the flow of the money coming in from benefactors or government entities.  I was even asked to come back and work at one of the group homes I had stayed at, it was more like a boarding school, one of the better situations that only a very few lucky, (lucky in some ways,) people ended up living at.  It was kind of weird going to work there considering my younger sister was still a patron and I knew many of the young girls that were still wards of the state, but, the girls were happy to have me, the other counselors were not, so I didn't stay in the position long.

Jujube, to parents like yours and the many wonderful caring people out there, I do say thank you a million times over, they were the ones that saved me and kept me believing in the goodness in people in the world in general.


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## Debby (Dec 13, 2014)

Like you jujube, I have a good foster parent story also.   Well actually I have two.

My one aunt and uncle took in three toddlers from one home, added them to their own family of four children and raised them until adulthood.  They were all in attendance when both my aunt and uncle had their respective funerals.  In fact, one of the boys, when he was old enough, officially changed his last name to be the same as his foster parents.  They weren't the foster kids, they were brothers and sisters, my cousins.....part of the family.

My other aunt and uncle took in several children on a temporary basis with some major health issues and the last was a newborn with multiple handicaps.  Mentally challenged, deaf, physical issues and my lovely aunt raised that little baby as if her own little girl.  And in the last weeks of my aunts life (she died when she was 92) she was still worrying about who would take care of Barbara's interests when she was gone.  Her baby forever!


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## Mrs. Robinson (Dec 14, 2014)

As a foster parent myself, I have to agree with jujube. While,yes,I have heard stories of foster parents that were less than loving and caring,most of those now get weeded out in the certification process. Becoming a foster parent-at least here in California- is not just a matter of walking in and saying "I want to be a foster parent" and they hand you kids. 

The entire process of becoming certified takes about 6 months. You are fingerprinted and background checked. Your home and garage are thoroughly inspected. You are required to attend many,many hours of training classes to become certified,and then continue with a minimum of 20 hours of training each year. Yes,the state pays you,but in California it is a maximum of $1,000 per month,depending on the age of the child. If you happen to have an infant,it is $800 something a month-not a lot when,out of that,you have to buy formula and diapers.

 The children ARE covered by Medicaid,so you don`t have to pay for medical or dental care,but,particularly for people like us,who live far away,from the "big city" you are frequently required to transport the kids to far away medical and dental appointments. For instance,the closest oral surgeon to us that accepts Medicaid,is over two hours away. So any extractions have to be done by him.

 Also-and this varies by county-our county pays exactly $86.00 per YEAR for clothing. You try clothing a growing teen for $86.00 per year-and we like to have them feel like they have nice clothes and at least some of the "in" styles that the other kids are wearing. The $86.00 the state provides barely even covers the purchase of underwear. You are also required to pay the kids a weekly allowance. And they paperwork that you are required to keep??? It`s enough to choke you. And every single week,you have a foster family worker come to your house (in our case,right at dinnertime) and sit and chat with you about how everything is going,with separate chats with you,the kids and then as a group. Oh,and in my case,I am not allowed to work outside the home. Not sure why-I didn`t ask and I know some foster parents do-I guess with the original girls I had,they knew that I would need to be driving them to parent visits and all several times a week.

All kids must have their own bed with at least two changes of bedding. We had to purchase beds as we didn`t have twin beds.And, of course.all the bedding. Dressers. Soap,shampoo,conditioner,toothpaste and toothbrushes,any and all toiletries. Oh,and you have to have a complete safety inspection on your vehicles once a year,at $100 each.

I could keep going, but I`m sure you get the picture. If there are any foster parents that are in it for the money,they are in the WRONG business.


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## Mrs. Robinson (Dec 14, 2014)

I should also add that many people,when they think of fostering children,think of children that they know-their own or their friend`s children. The reality is that the kids that come through your home are almost always very,very damaged children. They come from horrible environments and living conditions. That`s why they have ended up in the foster system. And you,as a foster parent,are dealing with the repercussions of that,in your home,every. single. day. If there IS any leftover money after all you are required to spend,then I think foster parents are more than entitled to it. If for no other reason,just for the wear and tear on your house!


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## AprilT (Dec 14, 2014)

Mrs. Robinson said:


> I should also add that many people,when they think of fostering children,think of children that they know-their own or their friend`s children. The reality is that the kids that come through your home are almost always very,very damaged children. They come from horrible environments and living conditions. That`s why they have ended up in the foster system. And you,as a foster parent,are dealing with the repercussions of that,in your home,every. single. day. If there IS any leftover money after all you are required to spend,then I think foster parents are more than entitled to it. If for no other reason,just for the wear and tear on your house!



As with you experience, it isn't always the same from the other end either, there are exceptions to the rule on both sides.  There are kids that end up in the system due to parents becoming ill or passing way some kids never experienced pain or abuse at the hands of their parents, but circumstances whatever they were landed them in such situations.  Lets not paint most on either end with one brush.  I've met many kinds of kids having been through the system and yes there were some kids that I didn't want to close my eyes and turn my back to.  I suffered abuse not at the hands of my parents, well no intentional abuse, but I did at the hands of people and other kids in the system.  There are many, many people who foster that do abuse, there may be a good system to week out the bad ones in your area, but not so much even today in the areas of NY & Florida, the horror stories still pour in quite frequently.

Sometimes it takes a lot to qualify to foster, sometimes depending on the need, corners have been crossed to get a kid placed, they've done some overhauling to the system in the past few years, but, there are still many children slipping through the cracks.  My last 8 years, I landed in a situation that kids who weren't foster and had parents wanted to know how they could come live where I lived quite luxuriously and everything was provided to the foster parents that ran the home, it wasn't theirs, but they were paid handsomely and the foster father was a nasty piece of work that would touch the girls inappropriately, the foster mother did her share of mean things, but she was in no way horrific.  As I've mentioned, things were overlooked by those in charge when the girls complained, just to keep things flowing, for the most part it was a great set up and you had to be of a certain type to even be allowed to be invited into this living arrangement.  In other words, not a troubled kid so to speak.  My older sister had been moved to this home first, from the place were first place, then about two years later I was sent to live there, a couple of years later my youngest sister came to stay, there were about four other girls, until we moved to a much larger house some four years later.  

I have plenty of horror stories of my own I could tell about the people that were responsible for my and my sister's care along the way, but frankly, all of this has been quite stressful on me to rethink, I spent a very tearful night rethinking some events.  Unfortunately, I'm prone to ptsd when I get too engrossed in thoughts about this past life which is why I usually only focus on the good parts of my childhood.  And yes, I've gone for counseling on the matter in past years, obviously, some things just run too deep if I keep recounting them.  So, I'll have to beg out of this thread, but, I really hate to read all the misinformation that foster kids get.  Especially some of the labels, I know in my school days, my teachers were always shocked to find out, that I was a foster kid, they pegged me as normal.  WTF!  I guess I waited till old age to go over the deep end.  LOL!

I'm not going to make any corrections, as I really don't want to reread what I wrote, this has worn me out just thinking on some of it.  Sorry if I offended you Mrs Robinson, I do know there are good people in the system as well, but there as many horrific sociopathic people that become parents as well and people only need do a little research if they really care to find out and know the truth about what happens to a lot of kids in this system and why some become damaged not just at the hands of their parents but because of the treatment they endured while in the system.


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## Butterfly (Dec 14, 2014)

As in anything else, there are wonderful foster parents out there, and there are some VERY bad ones, too.  I do think some states (including mine) should do more careful background checks on foster parents.


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## Mrs. Robinson (Dec 14, 2014)

I think this is why,in my state at least,the foster parent program has been taken out of the hands of social services and given to a "middleman"-a non-profit agency that has the job of overseeing the foster children and the foster homes. And they do,as I said,keep a very,very close eye on things. Social Services is a joke,and are definitely not capable of overseeing things.

 I think back to 30years ago,when we had our first foster child. She was 16 and pregnant when she came to us. And yes,it turns out that the foster home she came to us from was headed by an abusive father. But I had called from a little blip in the newspaper looking for a foster home for her and they brought her to me and dropped her off. That was it-no questions asked,no home inspection,nothing. How things have changed! That was back when Social Services handled everything. Never once did they ever come back to check on her or us-not even when she had her baby. 

To me,they were basically handing these kids on a silver platter to potentially abusive people. I`m truly sorry that you had such a horrific experience in the system-and I guess I`m not surprised. You have not offended me at all,by the way. I know what kind of foster parents WE are and I can only say that,with all the hoops to jump through now,I really find it hard to believe that anyone who didn`t have the kid`s best interests at heart would go through all of it.


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## AprilT (Dec 14, 2014)

Mrs, Robison, over all my experience in that last home wasn't so bad, the interaction with the foster parents was rather limited but they just weren't the greatest people the agency over all provided very well financially, I was quite priveledged in some ways as compared to most people foster kids or not.  The perverted dad, we girls dealt with him in our own ways,  none of us girls let him get far, just much swatting his hand and the one time I was left in the home alone with him, as he made his way to my bedroom, his wife had made a quick return home to retrieve something, I was left alone as I was sick and all the other girls were out participating in evening activities.  I'm not sure just how far he would have gone, but his MO was to offer girls in the house money, as far as I'm aware, in years past there was only one girl that took him up on the offer.  He almost got beat down by a few girls just before my time came to leave and go out on my own.  

I will admit, I did run away from there once, because, year three there, some of the girls were just so mean to me, I was very much hated because of the usual according to what I was told.  I was too nice, too sensitive, I was the one that all the boys and some girls liked and adults held in high esteem.   All things that weren't my fault, so I spent a lot of time feeling quite lonely and in tears, by this point my older sister had already moved out, my younger sister hadn't yet moved in and even if she had, I was at an age, she was the last person I wanted hanging on my coat tails.  So I ran away to stay with my boyfriend and his family.  His brother and his brother's wife offered to adopt me, but, were convinced by the social worker in charge that I was some damn sort of prodigy and my chances for success in life would be ruined, she brought them to see where I was living and showed them all the things they could offer someone like me and after visiting the house and meeting the people there, they withdrew the offer to adopt.  

Along the way two more people offered to adopt me, I so had no desire to be part of a family that was in the funeral business and plus the woman was so stern, I knew I wasn't going to get my way, and I didn't like the w;y the son was eying me.  Later on about two years prior to me aging out of the system and I still wasn't settling down and living up to the expectations of the dictator of a social worker, whom now is probably running some government office in washington, (really) and who thought that my wanting to become an English teacher was a waste of my talents, so I gave up on that dream.  But what she thought she'd do before I completely failed in life was she asked me if I would consider letting her mother adopt me.  I'm not sure if I LOL, but, I wasn't even trying to have that, this woman was seriously crazy and always stifling any of my dreams.  If she saw me reading a book on genetics, she'd ask me why are you interested in genetics are you afraid you are going to end up like your mother.  HUH?  And so another one of my studies of interest squashed.  This woman always would say things to make me doubt myself, my opinion, my choices were always wrong.  She made it clear to me, that the work she was doing was just a stepping stone and for me I needed to set my goal way higher.  Well dang, the fact that I'd been through hell and back and wasn't doing drugs she could of at least given me some credit for not needing to be in a straight jacket by that point.

The real horrors started way before the group home, I'm feeling ok at the moment, this is why I'm still writing and just saying a few things that weren't so bad, I'm not going to get into the bad stuff of which most really happened at different locations outside the foster home/group home.  And now, I need to break because that memory of when we kids were being carted off to that first place and how it happen, recounting it always upsets me.  Maybe I'll recount it another time, but, I have to be able to separate my emotions while I'm telling it and I can't do it this moment.  

Anyhoo, just wanted to share that little bit.  Some of the telling my sound braggadocios, but honestly, being held up on a pedestal by the adults in those places caused me much pain in my dealings with the other kids and in some instances was used to cause tension between my sisters and myself.  Especially remember how the foster parent used to tell my sisters how much smarter than them I was.  Well, I proud to say my sisters went on to far exceed any achievements I may have had in life.  And now tears, they should be here reveling in their accomplishments  and I would have given up my life at any point to afford them more time.  They made better use of their minds while mines is slowly turning to mush.  Ironic.


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## Mrs. Robinson (Dec 14, 2014)

Your story probably isn`t so different from many in the past. I would hope it is different now. I know that it is here. You mention aging out of the system-I assume you were 18? Now young adults can choose to remain in the system until age 25 while they complete their education and/or establish themselves in a career. That was a change that really surprised me and,I think,is really awesome!


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## AprilT (Dec 14, 2014)

Recent cases 

This may seem rare, it isn't, I've seen many such cases and am sure I could pull many videos up of more recent cases, that I've heard of in past months.







This isn't new, but still interesting





http://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/l...ds-for-Cash-Foster-Care-Abuse--281880151.html 

https://www.fosterclub.com/article/foster-care-statistics

Interesting listening to one woman talk about the challenge of being a foster parent 





My worst experiences weren't really in foster care so much, but there were many worst of the worst while I was in the care of the system itself, but just not so much those years in that last home where I spent my years 13 through up.  I was 19, they actually went above and beyond for me in many ways, but that was in the case of the people at the office, not the house parents.  but, because of their obsession with me in some weird way, even after I ran away, came back, left again went and stayed in another program, for unwed mothers, gave birth, they set me up with one of the counselors who fostered me for a bit with my child, but being it wasn't what she was expecting, they brought me back to live at the home and I continued living there another two years till I graduated high school and aged out at 19, they did give me a certain amount of funds to help get me started in a new apartment.  And like I said, they brought me back a short time later to work there.  That particular social worker, who I mentioned earlier, was in a much higher position at the time when she brought me back to live there.  This program was financed mostly through private donations.  The main office was located near Columbia University in NYC.  Frankly, I'm not so sure why they invested so much more time and energy in me than they did in some of the other girls.  I was stupid, I had some great opportunities handed to me, but I just felt so unloved and that was the one thing I wanted more than anything and I felt all they wanted was for me to be some perfect specimen and so, I felt worthless and valued only because I had these high test scores that claimed I was above average or some such nonsense back then.  When I left, I lived with the mindset and hoped that I wouldn't live past 20. 

As far as the system changing since then, I guess it depends on who's looking in and when.  I've worked with kids in the system, I've taken care of other peoples kids that weren't my kids of a friend or relative. I volunteered at an institution similar to where I had been first taken to when I was 8, I've learned, I can never do that again, it triggered a severe depressive episode, not just because of my past, but also because I felt helpless and unable to save those kids.  One child in particular, just reminded me of me at that age way too much.  I wished I was past it,  so that I could go back the following year and work with kids in such shelters.  The pain in those children's eyes was just too much and I'm ashamed that I wasn't able to overcome my emotional state to go back there for their sake.  Something I know I'm really going to work on, they deserve better from the adults in this world in general.


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## oldman (Dec 15, 2014)

Mrs. Robinson.....I salute you and your husband for the fine work that your husband and you do by providing a safe and necessary environment by seeing that the children have food and comfortable surroundings. I have no idea of what you go through, but I am sure it is even more than I can realize. My wife and I spoke of doing this job here in PA years ago when we became empty nesters, but with being an airline pilot and being missing about 4 nights a week, it would not have worked out. I am guessing that this is actually a full time job for both the husband and wife and it may be impossible to hold a job outside the house while you are fostering children. Is this right? 

Again, thank you for helping the children that would otherwise be in an orphanage. (Do they still have orphanages?) I have always heard that these are terrible places and I am guessing that we have had some people here on this board raised in them. I can't even begin to imagine what the children go through being raised in one of those places because I was raised in a loving home with my Mom and Dad and my Dad actually was my best friend. I told my Dad that one time and I think I may have seen a tear form in his eyes from a man that I only ever seen cry one time and that was when his Dad died.


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## Mrs. Robinson (Dec 15, 2014)

Thank you,oldman. I don`t think there are still orphanages in this day and age,but there are group homes,which I guess you could say are similar.

My husband does work fulltime outside the home, but I am not allowed to. Not sure why,given that I know many foster parents do. I do respite care for a couple of little boys (brothers) whose foster mom is a school teacher and the kids attend the school where she teaches. She also has several older teen foster kids as well. But then,I have no idea if her husband works outside the home-I guess it`s entirely possible that he stays home. The day I met him was the middle of the day on a Tuesday so it`s possible he doesn`t work.


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