# Downsizing Christmas presents



## caroln (Nov 21, 2021)

I used to give or spend $50 or more on each family member when it was just my daughter and 3 grandkids.  Now it's daughter, boyfriend, granddaughter, husband, great-grandkid, another granddaughter and fiancee, and grandson.  That's $400.00.  Plus motel fee (not enough room for accommodating extra people), and gas at about $40.00.  Total is close to $550.00.  Now that I'm retired I can barely make monthly expenses and anything extra like presents, etc. comes out of my savings.  I'm considering giving $50.00 *per couple* now and maybe just $30.00 for my 9 year old grandson. Hopefully they will understand that Grandma is on a limited income now and my savings are already starting to dwindle, paying insurance premiums, property taxes, unexpected repairs, etc., all out my savings. I have squirreled away enough to cover these ordinary expenses, but not a lot left over for expensive presents anymore.

May I have your thoughts on this, please?  I don't know if I should just bite the bullet and take the money out of savings, or go with the idea of cutting down.


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## Aunt Bea (Nov 21, 2021)

Your first responsibility is to yourself.

I would cut out the gift exchange with the adults and continue to give token gifts to the children.

I wouldn’t worry about putting a price tag on it.


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## Don M. (Nov 21, 2021)

We've "downsized" our gift giving.  All the adults are doing OK, and the little ones are reaching the age where a bunch of toys are of minimal importance.  We'll have a "drawing" at Thanksgiving for the adults....where we just pull one name out of the hat, and give that person a $25 gift.  We plan on giving the little great grandkids some cash...probably $50 each, and they can go do their own shopping for something they can use, such as some school supplies, or clothes, etc.  

"Splurging" at Christmas is past history for all of us.


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## HoneyNut (Nov 21, 2021)

caroln said:


> May I have your thoughts on this, please?


I'm not sure my thoughts and my actions match, but my thoughts are that it should depend on whether the recipient has more or less money than me.  If they have less I think I should give the bigger present, but if they have a comfortable life already, then I would give inexpensive thoughtful gifts.  I watched a YouTube yesterday about making very inexpensive gifts by buying ready made stuff (such as pancake mix, cake mix, cocoa mix) and separating it into little jar gifts while making them personalized by adding spices etc.  One gift she made was cocoa mix with cinnamon and a little cayenne pepper, that she would put in little jars with ribbons and label as Mexican Cocoa.   I thought it was very good suggestion.  I remember when I was young and poor ("horse poor" - poor due to owning a horse) I bought a big (inexpensive) bag of bran and made little gift bags for my fellow horse friends of 'hot bran mash' mix.  I'm not sure now what else it had, maybe a little grain mix and some molasses on the side.


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## Ruth n Jersey (Nov 21, 2021)

We have downsized also. This year my sister and brother in law have decided against exchanging gifts, also my cousin and his wife. We all have been purging our homes and we don't want to add to it. We don't really need anything.

We will concentrate on the grandkids but I will give my daughter, son in law and son  a gift.


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## Gaer (Nov 21, 2021)

Yup!  A  $50.00 gift PER COUPLE is a wonderful gift.  No need to explain to anyone.  A $30.00 gift for your Grandson is a wonderful gift!  
I would absolutely downsize this year and even more next year as money  will be even tighter!
I still spend $100.00 a person  but it may be the last time I do that!  (I only have a few people to buy for)
So, YES!!!!!  Your feelings are completely correct about your finances!  I think a lot of people will be doing the same for the next few years!


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## tortiecat (Nov 21, 2021)

I have been thinking about down sizing and just giving gifts to
the great grandkids but don't know how this would go  over
with the adults.  I have 5 adult grand children, but only 2 of them
are married with a child.  I would still have to give to those
without children.  I only give them money or a cheque as
I can no longer go out to shop.


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## Liberty (Nov 21, 2021)

Sometimes a good "family"  gift  basket is appropriate... like a gift basket with games, snacks, reading & drawing stuff...one that offers the whole family something to share.  Our kid and grown grand kids didn't want their kids to just think of us grandparents as gifty money bags...lol.

We quit giving everyone individual gifts many years ago.  With a family gift basket, they all have something to enjoy and can share it together...becomes part of the "traditions" every year.

Remember one time when we included yoyo's and "Jacks" and old time candy...it was fun teaching the young ones how to play jacks.
The time with the hula hoop was more challenging, though...no basket big enough to get that in. 

It was so fascinating to watch how much time the kids spent playing with the inexpensive little toys and games in the basket, rather than 
with the pricy big stuff they got.  Way more "bang" for your buck any day!


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## caroln (Nov 21, 2021)

Thanks for all the responses.  I value everyone's input.  I hope everyone in my family understands my situation, but as Gaer said, I really don't owe any explanations.  Just wish I didn't feel like such a scrooge!


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## Gary O' (Nov 21, 2021)

Aunt Bea said:


> I would cut out the gift exchange with the adults and continue to give token gifts to the children.


Yup

Token gifts is key

For us, it's a no brainer.
Most our rels are filthy rich.
They all have......everything.
And our tastes are so much different.
It's all a disservice to everyone.
I certainly don't want or need any gifts, and they certainly don't want ours.
.....unless it's food


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## AprilSun (Nov 21, 2021)

Aunt Bea said:


> Your first responsibility is to yourself.
> 
> I would cut out the gift exchange with the adults and continue to give token gifts to the children.
> 
> I wouldn’t worry about putting a price tag on it.


I quit giving to the adults several years ago. Now I just give to the grandkids and the families give me one gift per family. When I did quit giving to the adults, it not only helped me out but it helped them also.


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## JustBonee (Nov 21, 2021)

For Christmas and also birthdays,   I concentrate only on the grandkids...  have been doing that for years since  retirement..  

But when  I find things during the year   that one of my kids  would like,  I will buy and gift them  as a surprise.    I enjoy doing  that.


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## Aunt Bea (Nov 21, 2021)

caroln said:


> Thanks for all the responses.  I value everyone's input.  I hope everyone in my family understands my situation, but as Gaer said, I really don't owe any explanations.  Just wish I didn't feel like such a scrooge!


I think @AprilSun makes a very good point.

If the adults in the family all stop the annual gift giving it helps everyone’s budget and will probably be a relief.


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## OneEyedDiva (Nov 21, 2021)

Don't have that problem since I became Muslim since we don't celebrate Christmas. I wind up giving gifts (usually monetary) throughout the year anyway but at least there are no *expectations *of receiving large, expensive gifts. I like the suggestions that you cut gift giving to the adults. People shouldn't have to worry about going broke because of this holiday that has become so commercialized.


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## chic (Nov 22, 2021)

I will miss gift giving this Christmas, but my budget forbids it this year.


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## hollydolly (Nov 22, 2021)

chic said:


> I will miss gift giving this Christmas, but my budget forbids it this year.


I think that there's going to be a lot of people in your position Chic, I'm sure everyone will understand.


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## chic (Nov 22, 2021)

hollydolly said:


> I think that there's going to be a lot of people in your position Chic, I'm sure everyone will understand.


I know, but it takes a lot of the joy and excitement out of the holiday. Things are joyless enough these days but inflation is so bad here it's just a no go for me this year.


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## hollydolly (Nov 22, 2021)

chic said:


> I know, but it takes a lot of the joy and excitement out of the holiday. Things are joyless enough these days but inflation is so bad here it's just a no go for me this year.


Inflation is horrendous here too unfortunately...


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## katlupe (Nov 22, 2021)

One of the reasons I always dreaded Christmas. Now there is only my adult son and my boyfriend and we don't do presents at all. Just a nice dinner, Christmas music and no need for presents.


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## Ronni (Nov 22, 2021)

Christmas is my most favorite time of the year! We still exchange gifts as a family. Of course it helps financially that Ron and I are still working.

Every hear at the beginning of the year I set up an automated weekly withdrawal of $20 from checking to a special Christmas savings account. That money accumulates all year and I purchase gifts with that (or actually keep track of the credit card purchases and pay the card off from the Christmas fund) 

If I have some lean weeks (I’m self employed so there’s sometimes an ebb and flow to my income) I’ll adjust that weekly amount down, then back up again when things pick up. It sounds like a lot of money but with 7 kids/step kids  and 16 grand/step grand kids and a couple close friends, it doesn’t go very far, but it still allows me to indulge in gift giving which is my most favorite thing to do!


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## Tommy (Nov 22, 2021)

Christmas isn't about "stuff", caroln.  It's about love.  Minimize the former and maximize the latter.  My guess ... my hope for you ... is that your family is far more interested in receiving your love than any material gifts you might give.

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas.


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## caroln (Nov 22, 2021)

Tommy said:


> Christmas isn't about "stuff", caroln.  It's about love.  Minimize the former and maximize the latter.  My guess ... my hope for you ... is that your family is far more interested in receiving your love than any material gifts you might give.
> 
> I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas.


Luckily, I do have a very loving family.  It's just the first time, after 46 years, I've had to cut down on presents and it makes me feel bad.


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## Liberty (Nov 22, 2021)

One child said, when I ask her what Christmas really was - "its that special magic thing you feel in the air after you open the presents".


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## Della (Nov 22, 2021)

Ha ha, Liberty.

Christmas present shopping has always been hard for me, no so much about the money, but trying to think of something they might want that they don't already have.

I always love buying toys for children, though!
https://southpark.cc.com/video-clips/d1xvd7/south-park-christmas-tree-pie


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## WheatenLover (Nov 22, 2021)

Buying toys for children is my downfall because I love toys. I do not love all the games and other high tech things they eventually want more than anything.

I cut down on Christmas gift-giving decades ago, when my list had 40+ people on it (mostly friends). I just called everyone and said let's agree not to exchange gifts. It was becoming super-expensive, and at that time, I was short of cash. Now I give gifts only to my kids, my husband, my sister, and to my (former) stepdaughter's two children. I'm not Scrooge, I just can't afford to give gifts every Tom, Dick, and Harry. I love wrapping presents and finding gifts that I think the recipients will love. If it wasn't Covid time, I'd suggest to the group of about a dozen of us who used to meet for breakfast every week, that we draw names. That would be fun. I think they are all still attending those breakfasts, but I can't because my oncologist has me imprisoned in my house. Too big of a risk of dying of Covid because of my lousy immune system.


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## Lara (Nov 22, 2021)

Whenever I suggest the family not give gifts, or do a Secret Santa drawing, or do something charitable it goes over like a lead balloon. So this year I decided to let everyone do what their heart leads them to do and I will do what my heart leads me to do. I won't suggest otherwise.

So my gift to everyone will be treating the whole family to their favorite waterfront restaurant for Christmas Eve Dinner dinner, complete with appetizers, drinks, cocktails, entrees, sides, desserts, and sunset. On Christmas Day I'll do a light homemade meal for them as well with traditional fare served early afternoon with a walk on the beach afterwards with our dogs...and we all have dogs lol (5-8).

And the best part is that no one will have to try to pack this gift in their luggage, pay a fee for extra baggage, find a place in their house to store it, feel bad that they don't like it or it doesn't fit...and they'll pick out what they want but won't know what that is until they get there so it still has that surprise element 

I've told them and they're all super excited about dressing up, watching the boats go by, the fireplace, and hopefully a beautiful sunset (depending on weather but I'm feeling very positive that it will be gorgeous as usual). It's still going to cost money but I don't have to go the worry of finding each person a gift they will want.


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## caroln (Nov 22, 2021)

Lara said:


> Whenever I suggest the family not give gifts, or do a Secret Santa drawing, or do something charitable it goes over like a lead balloon. So this year I decided to let everyone do what their heart leads them to do and I will do what my heart leads me to do. I won't suggest otherwise.
> 
> So my gift to everyone will be treating the whole family to their favorite waterfront restaurant for Christmas Eve Dinner dinner, complete with appetizers, drinks, cocktails, entrees, sides, desserts, and sunset. On Christmas Day I'll do a light homemade meal for them as well with traditional fare served early afternoon with a walk on the beach afterwards with our dogs...and we all have dogs lol (5-8).
> 
> ...


That sounds wonderful!


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## Wren (Nov 22, 2021)

As families expand so does the Christmas gift list ! 

I would do as others have suggested and just give to the children


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## terry123 (Nov 22, 2021)

As I have said before I will give gift cards to everyone's fav store and thats it.  I have requested Walmart gift cards as I have Walmart plus and have all my stuff delivered.  Very easy for all of us.


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## StarSong (Nov 23, 2021)

Della said:


> Ha ha, Liberty.
> 
> Christmas present shopping has always been hard for me, no so much about the money, but trying to think of something they might want that they don't already have.
> 
> ...


LOL - Cartman cracks me up!

Christmas is a big deal in my family.  A very big deal.  It was by far my favorite holiday as a child, my husband also embraced the tradition, and we passed it along to our children.   Sure, Christmases have changed over the years - mountains of presents when the kids were young, far fewer as they got older, now it's thoughtful and high hilarity grab bags.  Whatever the theme or stage we all work hard to find things that hit the mark.

This year we'll have a round of specialty jams/jellies (the sweet kind for spreading on toast, not weird jalapeno-garlic type stuff).  Also a liquor round (with gifts for the younger set so they can play, too).  There'll  be a candy round, too - new this year and promises to be great fun.  Most rounds are limited to $10 or $15.  

Every year I give my kids certain gifts - a dozen sponges (as a mom, I _need _to know they're replacing their kitchen sponges at least once a month), a dozen Brita filters (ditto), I assort hard candy into gallon bags for each car (for us all to keep in our glove boxes - a great way to ward off slight sleepiness). For emergencies, this year every family is also getting a four pack of small flashlights and extra batteries plus a paper address book. I'll print labels of all family members' addresses, phone numbers and emails to get them started. (A paper address book was recommended on another SF thread.) 

My husband will probably come up with a cool gadget or tool for each.  If he can't come up with something new and different, a couple of cans of WD-40 plus a package of duct tape will be happy additions to their hardware supply  and and will bring some smiles.  All our kids are homeowners and our sons and SIL have done plenty of household fix-its alongside DH.    

As you can tell, these are _useful _gifts that aren't particularly expensive.  It's truly the thought that counts.  We embrace the gathering, the cleverness, the _OMG, I can't believe you thought of that!_ moments, and the spirit of the giving.


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## RadishRose (Nov 23, 2021)

Sounds wonderful!


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## Packerjohn (Nov 23, 2021)

Years ago, smart families started drawing names out of a bag to buy just one gift/person.  I think this Christmas spending is way over most people's head.  That is why everyone is so miserable when those charge bills come around January 21.  Don't buckle under pressure to spend money.  Instead of trying to be "Grandma Moneybag" try to spend time with the grandkids.  They will remember the time you spend with them many years after your gone.  I doubt if they will remember one thing you bought time.  Forget the commercial advertising on TV.  Forget the propaganda that buying all that Christmas junk will bring lots of happiness.  Most of those gifts are either returned after Christmas or go into the landfills of the nation.  Not good for the environment!  Christmas shopping is part of the problem leading to global warming and pollution.  No reason to support Chinese manufacturing.


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## StarSong (Nov 23, 2021)

Packerjohn said:


> Years ago, *smart families started drawing names out of a bag to buy just one gift/person*.  I think this Christmas spending is way over most people's head.  That is why everyone is so miserable when those charge bills come around January 21.  Don't buckle under pressure to spend money.  Instead of trying to be "Grandma Moneybag" try to spend time with the grandkids.  They will remember the time you spend with them many years after your gone.  I doubt if they will remember one thing you bought time.  Forget the commercial advertising on TV.  Forget the propaganda that buying all that Christmas junk will bring lots of happiness.  Most of those gifts are either returned after Christmas or go into the landfills of the nation.  Not good for the environment!  Christmas shopping is part of the problem leading to global warming and pollution.  No reason to support Chinese manufacturing.


Not every family is the same.  There are ways to give Christmas gifts without contributing to landfills or breaking people's budgets.  I personally wouldn't be happy with drawing names and buying a gift for one person.


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## Butterfly (Nov 24, 2021)

caroln said:


> Thanks for all the responses.  I value everyone's input.  I hope everyone in my family understands my situation, but as Gaer said, I really don't owe any explanations.  Just wish I didn't feel like such a scrooge!



You are not a Scrooge!  You need to think of yourself, too, and it just doesn't make good sense to spend more than is comfortable on Christmas gifts.

My family long ago decided that we would no longer exchange Christmas gifts and no one withered away and died because of it.


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## Ronni (Nov 24, 2021)

Packerjohn said:


> Years ago, smart families started drawing names out of a bag to buy just one gift/person.  I think this Christmas spending is way over most people's head.  That is why everyone is so miserable when those charge bills come around January 21.  Don't buckle under pressure to spend money.  Instead of trying to be "Grandma Moneybag" try to spend time with the grandkids.  They will remember the time you spend with them



I don’t think it’s appropriate to label name drawing as something only “smart families” do, the inference being that that there really is no other viable alternative and that if you don’t do it you’re not smart. If that’s what works for your family and everyone’s in agreement, then wonderful! On the other hand if you decide to approach Christmas differently it doesn’t mean you’re not smart it just means that Christmas gift giving is unique to each person and family and that there are no right or wrong choices.

We do a combination. My daughter has an app that randomizes names put into it, and the algorithm matches people….the high tech version of drawing names from a hat. As mentioned earlier giving gifts is my most favorite part of Christmas so while I’m part of the Secret Santa drawing, I also purchase additional gifts for everyone. It’s certainly gotten less in quantity over the years but Ron and each child and grandchild who live in town gets 2 or 3. The families who live out of state get gift cards and money…I am SO over sending massive Christmas boxes every year!

The kinfolk all know that one of them will get a Secret Santa gift from me depending on who I draw, but are also aware that Mum/Moms/Mama (they all have different names for me lol) is a rule breaker  and will buy an additional couple of gifts for everyone.

That’s what we do in our family and it works for us!


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## Remy (Nov 24, 2021)

How about a little money to the grand and great grand kids only. Nothing for the adults. Only do what you can afford.


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## Jules (Nov 24, 2021)

People should do what they enjoy and can afford. 

If it’s going to put stress on your finances later, it’s not wise.  

I don’t enjoy giving things so e-transfer cash on Christmas morning.  Get a thank you right away.

My DD loves shopping.  This year she’s wised up and told them an amount she’ll spend on each of them and to make their lists.


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## Pinky (Nov 24, 2021)

We only swap Xmas gifts with daughter & SIL. We make out our lists, and give/get what we want/need. It works for us. This year, we have put a cap on what we're spending - as they are saving up for a house and reno's to their condo.

As far as birthdays go, we still give a cheque or Amazon gift card to all 3 of our adult nephews for their birthdays. Pre-covid, we took them out for dinner and gave gifts.


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## Packerjohn (Nov 24, 2021)

I think that gift cards are a good idea.  Make sure that the gift card can be useful.  No use buying a gift card to the Bonanza Steak House if the folks don't go there.  My daughter bought me a gift card for $300 to a grocery store.  It took me months to use it up but I sure appreciated it.  Had she bought me some tacky shirt or a book I would never read then it's a waste of money.


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## terry123 (Nov 25, 2021)

Packerjohn said:


> I think that gift cards are a good idea.  Make sure that the gift card can be useful.  No use buying a gift card to the Bonanza Steak House if the folks don't go there.  My daughter bought me a gift card for $300 to a grocery store.  It took me months to use it up but I sure appreciated it.  Had she bought me some tacky shirt or a book I would never read then it's a waste of money.


My favorites to give and get.  Mine always want Amazon cards and I want Walmart so it works for us.


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## Capt Lightning (Dec 2, 2021)

We're not blessed with grandchildren, and we usually gift money to our 3 adult children through the year.  That leaves our friends in the village and our daughter's in-laws.  The friends are getting a box of handmade Belgian chocolates. We usually give the  in-laws a side of Scottish smoked salmon from the Ugie smokehouse (the oldest in Scotland).  They do a mail order service which is popular at Christmas.  When we told our daughter, she said "are we getting one too?"  well, that's her and OH's  present sorted.

Mrs.L and I just exchange token gifts  and sometimes treat ourselves to a joint present.


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## Gncntry (Dec 15, 2021)

We stopped exchange between parents and siblings several years ago.  We only give to nieces/nephews


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## Ruthanne (Dec 25, 2021)

I would do what I felt was best for my peace of mind and budget.

I now only buy for those who remember me throughout the years.  The rest act like I don't exist.  So I buy gifts for my three brothers only.


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## HarryHawk (Dec 25, 2021)

All my wife and I got for Christmas was our first baby granddaughter.  It was the best Christmas


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