# Finding Love in the Era of Covid



## Murrmurr (Dec 8, 2020)

It’s insane but I recently discovered it can be done and in a lot of ways it’s actually better than it was in the pre-covid era.

I met Michelle at the mailboxes about a month ago. I was aware that she’d just moved into an apartment here 3 months before and so she was a relatively new resident but I’d not run into her yet, and we were both wearing masks which you don’t see everyone doing here, so when she walked up to the mailboxes that day I said hi, I’m Frank, and I asked if she liked it here okay and if she needed anything. She said she just needed one thing and then she sort of patted my bottom.

She explained (at some length, fortunately, bc I was struck dumb for a few minutes) that she was sitting at this table they have near the mailboxes where a lot of the ladies who live here sit to chat and she mentioned to them that I have a cute butt and the other ladies dared her to “go check it out”   .  So anyhow, she’s very cute and has a great smile, and she had the kahunas to touch my bottom, so my first impulse was to ask her out to dinner, right? Except I couldn’t bc it’s the Covid Era. So I thought of take-out and that we could eat at one of the picnic tables here so I asked her if she liked Chinese.

She likes Chinese, but to take a relationship beyond sitting outside 6 feet apart (bc you can’t eat through a mask) takes a lot of thought and planning and talking. We had to talk about the people we come into contact with. She lost her job due to covid, and I’m retired so neither of us have contact with fellow employees. She said she hasn’t dated since this thing started and you’re just stuck with believing that or not. We had to talk about the precautions we take, how we clean our apartments, where we do our laundry (the laundry rooms here get sanitized twice a day and I suppose that’s as good as it gets). And that was strange.

The next phase was to check out each other’s apartments via a brief tour; does it look and smell clean? We both got good marks there so we had a few more meals outside, appropriately distanced. So this went on for a while and during that phase there’s no kissing, no hugging or cuddling not even hand-holding, there’s just talking. Talking over meals, talking over the phone, talking on 6-ft apart lounge chairs out by my back door.

Three weeks later I felt like we’d known each other for years. I felt like I can trust her and I knew I liked her a lot and vice-versa. We’re pretty different but we have a lot of important things in common. Still, another week (so a whole month total) of “having to” get to know each other went by before we had actual physical contact and the waiting was actually very nice. Excellent, tbh. It felt kind of old-fashion but all this caution and waiting and creative effort was worth it, and it was kind of fun.


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## Lee (Dec 8, 2020)

Love your story Murrmurr and I hope it works out for you, sounds like it will.


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## Gaer (Dec 8, 2020)

Oh, That is so beautiful!  I'm so glad you found someone to love who loves your cute butt!

and your cute face!


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## MarciKS (Dec 8, 2020)

Murrmurr said:


> It’s insane but I recently discovered it can be done and in a lot of ways it’s actually better than it was in the pre-covid era.
> 
> I met Michelle at the mailboxes about a month ago. I was aware that she’d just moved into an apartment here 3 months before and so she was a relatively new resident but I’d not run into her yet, and we were both wearing masks which you don’t see everyone doing here, so when she walked up to the mailboxes that day I said hi, I’m Frank, and I asked if she liked it here okay and if she needed anything. She said she just needed one thing and then she sort of patted my bottom.
> 
> ...


that's all it took was a fanny swat? lol!


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## win231 (Dec 8, 2020)

Well, she ain't shy.  She immediately touched on the situation, & got to the bottom of it.  And she must have liked your delivery & the way you pickup your mail.
Next time you see her at the mailboxes, ask her to check for a package.


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## Murrmurr (Dec 8, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> that's all it took was a fanny swat? lol!


Are you kidding, fanny swats are huge!


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## Murrmurr (Dec 8, 2020)

win231 said:


> Well, she ain't shy.  She immediately touched on the situation, & got to the bottom of it.  And she must have liked your delivery & the way you pickup your mail.
> Next time you see her at the mailboxes, ask her to check for a package.


Actually, she's seen my package. She's ok with it.


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## MarciKS (Dec 8, 2020)

Murrmurr said:


> Are you kidding, fanny swats are huge!


you boys are such push overs. lol!


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## Murrmurr (Dec 19, 2020)

Michelle is easy to get along with and she says I am too. I usually go to her place but she’s come to my place a few times too. We have dinner, chat and laugh, stay a night or two. She met Collin and they seem to really like each other, and she was totally cool with me not sleeping with her when he’s here. Everything’s been working out great. Until.

Last week she said we ought to move in together and I told her I don’t want to. She hasn’t text me since and hasn’t answered my texts. I went to her place today and she didn’t answer the door. Her car was in the lot.

This is a bummer. 

Send flowers?


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## MarciKS (Dec 19, 2020)

Murrmurr said:


> Michelle is easy to get along with and she says I am too. I usually go to her place but she’s come to my place a few times too. We have dinner, chat and laugh, stay a night or two. She met Collin and they seem to really like each other, and she was totally cool with me not sleeping with her when he’s here. Everything’s been working out great. Until.
> 
> Last week she said we ought to move in together and I told her I don’t want to. She hasn’t text me since and hasn’t answered my texts. I went to her place today and she didn’t answer the door. Her car was in the lot.
> 
> ...


You're screwed.


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## Murrmurr (Dec 19, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> You're screwed.


tsk. Dangit.
So, no flowers? No fixes?


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## MarciKS (Dec 19, 2020)

Murrmurr said:


> tsk. Dangit.
> So, no flowers? No fixes?


You can try but if she's cut off contact that means you either hurt her feelings or ticked her off. She may have cut you off completely without even telling you. Give her a couple days to cool off. If she still doesn't answer the phone you are definitely in the dog house and possibly over.


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## Murrmurr (Dec 19, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> You can try but if she's cut off contact that means you either hurt her feelings or ticked her off. She may have cut you off completely without even telling you. Give her a couple days to cool off. If she still doesn't answer the phone you are definitely in the dog house and possibly over.


Well, I'm sure I didn't hurt her feelings. I explained why I don't want to share an apartment. I was nice about it. So, I guess she's ticked off. I'll give it a couple more days.


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## MarciKS (Dec 19, 2020)

Women are fickle creatures.


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## Murrmurr (Dec 19, 2020)

Well hopefully she'll miss me.


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## MarciKS (Dec 19, 2020)

If she doesn't she's an idiot.


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## Jules (Dec 19, 2020)

Sorry, it’s not the advice you‘d like.  Walk away.  After one month and you won’t let her move in and she has a tantrum, that’s not a good basis for a relationship.


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## Murrmurr (Dec 19, 2020)

Jules said:


> Sorry, it’s not the advice you‘d like.  Walk away.  After one month and you won’t let her move in and she has a tantrum, that’s not a good basis for a relationship.


Yeah, we really haven't known each other for very long so I was surprised she even brought it up. But in any case, I like living alone. Seems unreasonable for her to be angry at me for that.
Actually, the more I think about it the more I figure it worked out the way it was supposed to. Sure a bummer, tho.


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## Kathleen’s Place (Dec 19, 2020)

Well that’s a bummer!  It was going so well too! . But don’t cave in or I will be all disappointed. 
can’t  have a good relationship if you don’t respect each others feelings. (At least that is my opinion)


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## Chrise (Dec 19, 2020)

Murrmurr said:


> Yeah, we really haven't known each other for very long so I was surprised she even brought it up. But in any case, I like living alone. Seems unreasonable for her to be angry at me for that.
> Actually, the more I think about it the more I figure it worked out the way it was supposed to. Sure a bummer, tho.


She can't pay the tent so needs to fine someone else to share...is my take, it all moved a bit fast. Good luck


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## Murrmurr (Dec 19, 2020)

Chrise said:


> She can't pay the rent so needs to fine someone else to share...is my take, it all moved a bit fast. Good luck


Actually, her income is quite a bit better than mine. I can see it would be pretty convenient for her if I moved in her place or her in mine, but honestly, I like my place, like my space and my alone time, plus my former foster son sometimes spends weekends with me and my 2 youngest grandkids stay up to a week a couple times a month and there's certain things we like to do; watch off the wall movies and stuff. So, nah. And yes, it moved too fast.

I like Michelle really a LOT, I just don't want to live with her.


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## Tish (Dec 19, 2020)

Oh what the hell, send her some flowers, you have nothing to lose.


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## Murrmurr (Dec 20, 2020)

Tish said:


> Oh what the hell, send her some flowers, you have nothing to lose.


Ha! Ordered them this evening. She'll get them tomorrow at around noon. Hoping she'll at least call.


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## Lee (Dec 20, 2020)

It's the holiday season and emotions run higher than usual. Some people simply do not enjoy the Christmas season and take it out on others. 

If you got to the point that you were doing the wild monkey dance and discussing your salary and introducing her to Colin then she likely felt it was time to kick it up a notch.

maybe call her to ask if the flowers were to her liking, but if it goes to voice mail then you have choices to make.


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## Lara (Dec 20, 2020)

I'll put my money on the flowers not mattering at all to her. She doesn't sound like the type. She's got more depth to her than to be okay with just sex. She's more the making love type. I relate to her.

Putting your children/grandchildren ahead of her is also not her type. I also think you might be underestimating your children. I assume they've been taught to share and they probably intuitively understand that when they become adults, they too will cling to their wife and put her first.

Blended families work this out all the time if they love each other. Your female friend is looking for a lover, deeper than companionship and I'm guessing she would be willing to compromise with you by working out a schedule for you to have quality time with your children without placing her in a pecking order....with her at the bottom.

You and she have a different definition of love. You're no longer her type. I'm sorry to be so blunt but that's how I see it and you did ask.


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## hollydolly (Dec 20, 2020)

Murrmurr said:


> Actually, her income is quite a bit better than mine. I can see it would be pretty convenient for her if I moved in her place or her in mine, but honestly, I like my place, like my space and my alone time, plus my former foster son sometimes spends weekends with me and my 2 youngest grandkids stay up to a week a couple times a month and there's certain things we like to do; watch off the wall movies and stuff. So, nah. And yes, it moved too fast.
> 
> I like Michelle really a LOT, I just don't want to live with her.


oh goodness me you've barely just met, I wonder what her rush is ?.... If I were you I would stick to my guns.. and just wait until she's had a think and her feelings aren't bruised...


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## Lara (Dec 20, 2020)

hmm.


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## Lewkat (Dec 20, 2020)

That you like living alone should tell her something my friend.  You, smartly, are moving cautiously.  It's only a short time that you've known one another and even though you've talked and talked about your likes, dislikes, etc. and are obviously great in bed, it still could turn out badly to make a commitment so soon.  Give it time.  If she really cares, it will work out.  But if it's just the sex she's after, she'll have another bed mate soon enough.


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## katlupe (Dec 20, 2020)

There is nothing wrong with living alone and honestly liking it. Many couples have relationships without living together. I would just wait it out and if it is not meant to be, you will know.


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## Victor (Dec 20, 2020)

You might be overthinking this. Maybe she was in the bath or something and did not hear you. Maybe she was outside.  Send No flowers-- it is too forward and suggests that you want forgiveness. Wait and call her. No text or visits.
Something_ very_ peculiar is going on from the start.  If she flirted with you in an aggressive unladylike way to provoke you then she may have done so with others. Maybe she is teasing to get attention. Maybe she is looking for a free place to live for a while, someone to look after her. Be very cautious!  Women accuse men of this, but the situation could be the reverse.


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## SeaBreeze (Dec 20, 2020)

Murrmurr said:


> Yeah, we really haven't known each other for very long so I was surprised she even brought it up. But in any case, I like living alone. Seems unreasonable for her to be angry at me for that.
> Actually, the more I think about it the more I figure it worked out the way it was supposed to. Sure a bummer, tho.


You deserve better Frank!  That kind of drama so soon in a potential relationship?  Not a good thing.  Plus, wanting to move in and live with someone this early in the relationship, makes her sound like a teenager.  Glad you were against that, you don't need any chains around your neck, a relationship for you should feel good and you should be respected and appreciated.  Sometimes fate works in our favor, don't feel too bad.


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## gennie (Dec 20, 2020)

Having recently lost her job, maybe she was looking for a place to live.  You were wise.  Too much too soon.  

Sorry to lose some of the romance but you are obviously a keeper (intelligent, kind, good hearted and single) and she had/has plans.  Be very careful.  She may not give up soon.


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## Leann (Dec 20, 2020)

I would be very curious as to why a guy I was dating would want to move in with me a month after we started seeing one another.

In your case, I don't understand Michelle's rush. And if she did move in with you, would she quickly push to get married? This has red flags all around it. How much do you know about her background? How can you be certain that her income is higher than yours? Why is she uncomfortable living on her own?

The title of your post is "Finding Love in the Era of Covid". Have you and she exchanged "I love you"?


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## Murrmurr (Dec 20, 2020)

Lara said:


> hmm.


Right? 

She'll get a small Christmas bouquet today with a note that just says I'd like her to call me. And we'll see what happens.


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## MarciKS (Dec 20, 2020)

Murrmurr said:


> Right?
> 
> She'll get a small Christmas bouquet today with a note that just says I'd like her to call me. And we'll see what happens.


Good luck?


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## Murrmurr (Dec 20, 2020)

Leann said:


> I would be very curious as to why a guy I was dating would want to move in with me a month after we started seeing one another.
> 
> In your case, I don't understand Michelle's rush. And if she did move in with you, would she quickly push to get married? This has red flags all around it. How much do you know about her background? How can you be certain that her income is higher than yours? Why is she uncomfortable living on her own?
> 
> The title of your post is "Finding Love in the Era of Covid". Have you and she exchanged "I love you"?


We have.

She works and gets an annuity from FICA over her husband's death that isn't counted as income, which is partly why she can live here. And marriage is partly why I'm not open to living with her or anyone, bc yes, that seems like it would be the next step.


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## Murrmurr (Dec 20, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> Good luck?


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## MarciKS (Dec 20, 2020)

Are you divorced or just opposed to marriage or something else? (Answering is optional)


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## Murrmurr (Dec 20, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> Are you divorced or just opposed to marriage or something else? (Answering is optional)


Divorced a long time ago, 20+ years, and then my ex wife died about four months or so after the divorce in a car wreck. She was an alcoholic but not when I married her. She started drinking soon after our daughter was born (child #3) and started carousing soon after she started drinking. So, history/baggage, but I don't feel like that has to do with this situation. I stayed single for a really long time and I like it. I've had girlfriends who turned out to be complete A-holes so that probably has a lot to do with it.


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## MarciKS (Dec 20, 2020)

Murrmurr said:


> Divorced a long time ago, 20+ years, and then my ex wife died about four months or so after the divorce in a car wreck. She was an alcoholic but not when I married her. She started drinking soon after our daughter was born (child #3) and started carousing soon after she started drinking. So, history/baggage, but I don't feel like that has to do with this situation. I stayed single for a really long time and I like it. I've had girlfriends who turned out to be complete A-holes so that probably has a lot to do with it.


I am twice divorced with a couple ahole boyfriends and I finally gave up. I figure if the good Lord wants me to be with someone it will happen. I haven't even been on a date in 20 yrs.


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## Murrmurr (Dec 20, 2020)

Lewkat said:


> That you like living alone should tell her something my friend.  You, smartly, are moving cautiously.  It's only a short time that you've known one another and even though you've talked and talked about your likes, dislikes, etc. and are obviously great in bed, it still could turn out badly to make a commitment so soon.  Give it time.  If she really cares, it will work out.  But if it's just the sex she's after, she'll have another bed mate soon enough.


If it was just sex she's after I'd have it made. Except it felt like a great friendship too. That's why I'm kind of bowled over.


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## Murrmurr (Dec 20, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> I am twice divorced with a couple ahole boyfriends and I finally gave up. I figure if the good Lord wants me to be with someone it will happen. I haven't even been on a date in 20 yrs.


Yeah, I thought it happened. I'm giving it one more try and then that's it. Prayer time.


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## MarciKS (Dec 20, 2020)

If someone wanted to move in with me after a month of dating that would be the last they'd see of me. I'd become a ghost.


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## Murrmurr (Dec 20, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> If someone wanted to move in with me after a month of dating that would be the last they'd see of me. I'd become a ghost.


One of the things I wanna talk to her about is why the rush. I'm hoping we can come to an agreement to just keep things as they are. We only live 3 units away from each other. Personally, I think that's convenient enough.


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## Ladybj (Dec 20, 2020)

Murrmurr said:


> It’s insane but I recently discovered it can be done and in a lot of ways it’s actually better than it was in the pre-covid era.
> 
> I met Michelle at the mailboxes about a month ago. I was aware that she’d just moved into an apartment here 3 months before and so she was a relatively new resident but I’d not run into her yet, and we were both wearing masks which you don’t see everyone doing here, so when she walked up to the mailboxes that day I said hi, I’m Frank, and I asked if she liked it here okay and if she needed anything. She said she just needed one thing and then she sort of patted my bottom.
> 
> ...


Now that's how to truly get to know someone.  Sounds like an old-fashion romance. Love it!!!!  Wish you guys all the BEST!!


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## Ladybj (Dec 20, 2020)

Murrmurr said:


> Michelle is easy to get along with and she says I am too. I usually go to her place but she’s come to my place a few times too. We have dinner, chat and laugh, stay a night or two. She met Collin and they seem to really like each other, and she was totally cool with me not sleeping with her when he’s here. Everything’s been working out great. Until.
> 
> Last week she said we ought to move in together and I told her I don’t want to. She hasn’t text me since and hasn’t answered my texts. I went to her place today and she didn’t answer the door. Her car was in the lot.
> 
> ...


If she is ready to move in..flowers may not help but worth a try.


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## Ladybj (Dec 20, 2020)

Murrmurr said:


> Divorced a long time ago, 20+ years, and then my ex wife died about four months or so after the divorce in a car wreck. She was an alcoholic but not when I married her. She started drinking soon after our daughter was born (child #3) and started carousing soon after she started drinking. So, history/baggage, but I don't feel like that has to do with this situation. I stayed single for a really long time and I like it. I've had girlfriends who turned out to be complete A-holes so that probably has a lot to do with it.


Hopefully you will find someone special that will respect your boundaries.  God forbid anything happen to my hubby..I would like a special friend..he has his place and I have mine. Would not want to live with anyone at this point in my life.  FYI - You are a nice looking gentleman.  I am sure you will find that special someone.


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## Murrmurr (Dec 20, 2020)

Ladybj said:


> Hopefully you will find someone special that will respect your boundaries.  God forbid anything happen to my hubby..I would like a special friend..he has his place and I have mine. Would not want to live with anyone at this point in my life.  FYI - You are a nice looking gentleman.  I am sure you will find that special someone.


I know we're not alone in that way of thinking, that preference. During covid social restrictions it's almost impossible to meet people, but it won't last forever. Even if it does, we'll find ways.


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## Packerjohn (Dec 20, 2020)

This is an interesting story so I'll add my "2 cents" worth of wisdom.  Of course, we are only getting 1/2 of the complete story.  There are always 2 sides to every story.  I wonder what her side would be?  Anyway, I'm from the old school so I still believe that old fashioned dating is the way to go.  Ya, Ya, I hear you!  Old fashioned is out!  It's no longer the cool thing to do.  Nobody wants to wait for anything & everyone wants it NOW!  Even the books on love, sex & romance for seniors keep telling us that the dating game has all changed now & most seniors who's spouse is gone or whatever have a hard time "getting into the dating game" again.  I just want to make 2 points:

1. Dating allows you to get to know the real person you are interested in.  Dating should be over an extended period & it should involve different activities.  For example, men who want to "drag" you to the bedroom on the 1st date are a definite red flag.  Men who ask you to marry them on the 1st or 2nd date are another red flag.  They are desperate.  Take my advice, run for the hills!
2. I'm a big believer in conversation, negotiation & compromise.  You would be surprised what you can find out about the real person after a couple of glass of wine or 2 or 3 rums & cokes!  After a few drinks your date might let the "cat out of the bag" about things that they might not want to say when completely sober.  If you are an American, your rum is cheap; Canadians must consider it a "financial investment for a good return."

Apparently, the lady in this posting was not interested in long term dating.  I know the "new woman" can be forward & aggressive but if she wants to move in ASAP before you know what baggage she is bringing along, you best to go to plan B.  As that old song says, "There's more pretty girls than one."  Also, keep in mind, "There's more fish in the sea where that one came from.  Best of luck & I hope you find you "true love" or something pretty close to it.  Remember, your never too old to find love.


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## Murrmurr (Dec 20, 2020)

Packerjohn said:


> This is an interesting story so I'll add my "2 cents" worth of wisdom.  Of course, we are only getting 1/2 of the complete story.  There are always 2 sides to every story.  I wonder what her side would be?  Anyway, I'm from the old school so I still believe that old fashioned dating is the way to go.  Ya, Ya, I hear you!  Old fashioned is out!  It's no longer the cool thing to do.  Nobody wants to wait for anything & everyone wants it NOW!  Even the books on love, sex & romance for seniors keep telling us that the dating game has all changed now & most seniors who's spouse is gone or whatever have a hard time "getting into the dating game" again.  I just want to make 2 points:
> 
> 1. Dating allows you to get to know the real person you are interested in.  Dating should be over an extended period & it should involve different activities.  For example, men who want to "drag" you to the bedroom on the 1st date are a definite red flag.  Men who ask you to marry them on the 1st or 2nd date are another red flag.  They are desperate.  Take my advice, run for the hills!
> 2. I'm a big believer in conversation, negotiation & compromise.  You would be surprised what you can find out about the real person after a couple of glass of wine or 2 or 3 rums & cokes!  After a few drinks your date might let the "cat out of the bag" about things that they might not want to say when completely sober.  If you are an American, your rum is cheap; Canadians must consider it a "financial investment for a good return."
> ...


One of the things that felt special about this relationship was that it did start slow. It had sort of an old-fashion feel because we social-distanced, and while distancing we had nothing much to do except talk. We did that for a few weeks or so and didn't get *closer* until we were both confident that it was safe. Part of the problem could be that she's only 38. I'm 65. We did talk about this (a lot), but she said the age gap wasn't an issue for her. It isn't for me, either because we do have a lot of interests in common and we were very comfortable with each other.

I sent her flowers today and will wait and see what happens.


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## Jules (Dec 20, 2020)

Some women can’t be without a man.  My daughter is like that.  

A 27 year age gap is huge.  Don’t answer this question, except to yourself.  Are you quite financially stable or do you appear to be?  Something to ponder.


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## Murrmurr (Dec 20, 2020)

Jules said:


> A 27 year age gap is huge.


Especially if you're living together or married. My opinion anyway. She'd outlive me by quite a margin, and maybe I'd become feeble, only one of the reasons I don't want to take it that far. I only want my sons to manage my affairs if/when it comes to that, with no challenges.


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## Kathleen’s Place (Dec 20, 2020)

This is like watching a soap opera .  Did she respond to the flowers???


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## Murrmurr (Dec 20, 2020)

Kathleen’s Place said:


> This is like watching a soap opera .  Did she respond to the flowers???


She called. We're going to have dinner this evening. It'll be friendly but time to discuss boundaries, I think.


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## Nathan (Dec 20, 2020)

Jules said:


> Sorry, it’s not the advice you‘d like.  Walk away.  After one month and you won’t let her move in and she has a tantrum, that’s not a good basis for a relationship.


Sadly, I have to agree.   Sounds like "moving in together" was top of her agenda, hence the "butt pat" signal that she thought would seal the deal.     It's a bummer, only gets worse the older we get...


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## Murrmurr (Dec 20, 2020)

Nathan said:


> Sadly, I have to agree.   Sounds like "moving in together" was top of her agenda, hence the "butt pat" signal that she thought would seal the deal.     It's a bummer, only gets worse the older we get...


Thanks Nathan. Yes, if we can't agree then that will be it.


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## MarciKS (Dec 20, 2020)

Again...good luck?


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## Lewkat (Dec 20, 2020)

Frank, keep your wits about you when you see her tonight and listen closely to what she has to say.  Don't make any rash decisions.  I am an old lady with a ton of experience, so listen with your brain above your belt.  I tell my son the same thing.  You are still too new to one another.  When the blush of romance cools, then have another chit chat with this gal.


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## Murrmurr (Dec 20, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> Again...good luck?


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## MarciKS (Dec 20, 2020)

Where's @RadishRose with that damn bollie? *Wanders off*


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## hellomimi (Dec 20, 2020)

Murrmurr said:


> She called. We're going to have dinner this evening. It'll be friendly but time to discuss boundaries, I think.


It's heaven when you find romance on your menu...

Yes, it's time to discuss boundaries and hopefully, it builds intimacy a notch higher. Good luck Frank!


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## Phoenix (Dec 20, 2020)

As I read this, at least initially, I was thinking ah, he's courting her.  I remember one of my serious beaus when I was in my late 30s, after we had been to bed repeatedly, finally said he wanted to court me.  I liked that.  Unfortunately before he had the chance he developed a fatal illness and was gone.  So many relationships are, hi, let's go to bed, or some variation there of.   Another guy when I was in my 30s....we dated for three years before we went to bed.  We got to know each other.  He became my friend and passionate lover.  It ended for other reasons.  But he was always my friend.  There are so many ways this can turn out.  Be true to yourself, always.


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## RadishRose (Dec 21, 2020)

I don't have a good feeling about this.

Asking to move in after 4 weeks is bizarre and a 27 year age span is too much, all IMO.

Please be careful.


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## Leann (Dec 21, 2020)

RadishRose said:


> I don't have a good feeling about this.
> 
> Asking to move in after 4 weeks is bizarre and a 27 year age span is too much, all IMO.
> 
> Please be careful.


I am all for love and romance but I have to agree with you, Radish Rose, about not having a good feeling about this. My daughter (38 yrs old) always reminds me that we are all the product of the decisions we make. 

Frank, I wish you luck and I hope you find everlasting love someday. Just be careful.


----------



## Murrmurr (Dec 21, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> It's heaven when you find romance on your menu...
> 
> Yes, it's time to discuss boundaries and hopefully, it builds intimacy a notch higher. Good luck Frank!


It went very well insofar as reaching a mutual understanding. She still doesn't think I'm too old for her but it is marriage she's hoping for in the end. She did finally accept that we're not getting married at any point. She had this idea, a plan I guess (fantasy), that we would eventually open a foster home together (and not too eventually..she was thinking like next summer). Michelle is unable to have children and the ladies in the neighborhood told her all about me and my foster son, and I told her all about him too, so I guess that put this idea in her head. But man oh man, that's a whole lot of commitment; wife, kids, a house, and I'm an old guy with a messed up spine. So anyway, that's off the table...my involvement in it, anyway. I told her since that whole scenario is what she's looking for then she should go for it but she needs to look for a man closer to her age (/with the stamina), like maybe when she goes back to work or after the pandemic - because we do agree about how hard it is to get into a relationship right now.

So, yeah, good talk (albeit long). We're going to keep things status quo for now (keep enjoying each other) knowing it will eventually come to an end. But I have a hunch I'll be seeing less and less of her over the next few weeks and then she'll end it. She was actually pretty sad about it all. But seriously, I can't, especially if it also includes going through the heartache I went through with Collin, multiplied by dozens. No freaking way.


----------



## Phoenix (Dec 21, 2020)

Murrmurr said:


> It went very well insofar as reaching a mutual understanding. She still doesn't think I'm too old for her but it is marriage she's hoping for in the end. She did finally accept that we're not getting married at any point. She had this idea, a plan I guess (fantasy), that we would eventually open a foster home together (and not too eventually..she was thinking like next summer). Michelle is unable to have children and the ladies in the neighborhood told her all about me and my foster son, and I told her all about him too, so I guess that put this idea in her head. But man oh man, that's a whole lot of commitment; wife, kids, a house, and I'm an old guy with a messed up spine. So anyway, that's off the table...my involvement in it, anyway. I told her since that whole scenario is what she's looking for then she should go for it but she needs to look for a man closer to her age (/with the stamina), like maybe when she goes back to work or after the pandemic - because we do agree about how hard it is to get into a relationship right now.
> 
> So, yeah, good talk (albeit long). We're going to keep things status quo for now (keep enjoying each other) knowing it will eventually come to an end. But I have a hunch I'll be seeing less and less of her over the next few weeks and then she'll end it. She was actually pretty sad about it all. But seriously, I can't, especially if it also includes going through the heartache I went through with Collin, multiplied by dozens. No freaking way.


I'm glad you talked it out and have reached an understanding.  Just be aware she still might be hoping to persuade you to her way of thinking and plans.  Keep an eye out for that.


----------



## RadishRose (Dec 21, 2020)

This is a new one on me, a foster home. 

Since you know this is going nowhere, why drag it out and waste her time, possibly getting her hopes up?

 I were you, I'd end it immediately.  Still wishing the best for you.


----------



## Murrmurr (Dec 21, 2020)

RadishRose said:


> This is a new one on me, a foster home.
> 
> Since you know this is going nowhere, why drag it out and waste her time, possibly getting her hopes up?
> 
> I were you, I'd end it immediately.  Still wishing the best for you.


It was a mutual decision.


----------



## Phoenix (Dec 21, 2020)

Murrmurr said:


> It was a mutual decision.


You have to do what feels right to you.


----------



## hellomimi (Dec 21, 2020)

Foster home in summer 2021? Time flies when y'all are having fun so that's like tomorrow brother. 

As long as you're prepared for whatever is coming, go ahead and enjoy each moment now. No one is guaranteed of tomorrow. Hopefully, you'll still end as good friends when she finds the ONE for her.


----------



## Murrmurr (Dec 21, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> Foster home in summer 2021? Time flies when y'all are having fun so that's like tomorrow brother.
> 
> As long as you're prepared for whatever is coming, go ahead and enjoy each moment now. No one is guaranteed of tomorrow. Hopefully, you'll still end as good friends when she finds the ONE for her.


Thank you Mimi, I hope so too. And I hope she goes ahead with the foster home idea. They're badly needed and I think it would be fulfilling for her.


----------



## RadishRose (Dec 21, 2020)

Murrmurr said:


> It was a mutual decision.


 zz


----------



## hollydolly (Dec 21, 2020)

Well  for what it's worth I think  you can only do what you feel is best for you . If that means staying with this young woman in a relationship of any type,  then so be it... that's something for you to decide.. whatever your choice , I hope you're  happy...


----------



## Kathleen’s Place (Dec 21, 2020)

I’m glad you two talked it out. At least you know where you both stand.  I hope you can still remain friends...with benefits...without either of you getting hurt in the process.


----------



## Murrmurr (Dec 21, 2020)

Kathleen’s Place said:


> I’m glad you two talked it out. At least you know where you both stand.  I hope you can still remain friends...with benefits...without either of you getting hurt in the process.


That was the objective.

Well. Mostly my objective.


----------



## SeaBreeze (Dec 21, 2020)

Murrmurr said:


> One of the things that felt special about this relationship was that it did start slow. It had sort of an old-fashion feel because we social-distanced, and while distancing we had nothing much to do except talk. We did that for a few weeks or so and didn't get *closer* until we were both confident that it was safe. Part of the problem could be that she's only 38. I'm 65. We did talk about this (a lot), but she said the age gap wasn't an issue for her. It isn't for me, either because we do have a lot of interests in common and we were very comfortable with each other.
> 
> I sent her flowers today and will wait and see what happens.


Wow, quite an age gap!  Not that age should really matter with true love, but in this case I'm concerned for you and your well being.  Be careful and keep your mind open to what is happening there.  Good luck.


----------



## Murrmurr (Dec 21, 2020)

SeaBreeze said:


> Wow, quite an age gap!  Not that age should really matter with true love, but in this case I'm concerned for you and your well being.  Be careful and keep your mind open to what is happening there.  Good luck.


tbf, when I first saw her I thought she was older, closer to mid-forties. Not so much bc of her looks but the way she carries herself, like someone who has it all together, if you get what I mean. Plus she has a couple of grey streaks in her hair (they're pretty). And she thought I was in my 50s, so apparently she's attracted to older men anyway.

Anyhow, I'm not going to let her get tied down to this old man.


----------



## SeaBreeze (Dec 21, 2020)

Murrmurr said:


> Anyhow, I'm not going to let her get tied down to this old man.


I'm more concerned about the 'old' man, not so much her.  We don't know each other well, but I feel I 'got your back'....don't want you to be unhappy or stressed.


----------



## Murrmurr (Dec 21, 2020)

SeaBreeze said:


> I'm more concerned about the 'old' man, not so much her.  We don't know each other well, but I feel I 'got your back'....don't want you to be unhappy or stressed.


Thank you, Sea. That's very kind. Things haven't worked out as I hoped with Michelle but when she told me she's only 38, I figured we might have problems sooner or later. Not _these_ problems, though.


----------



## MarciKS (Dec 22, 2020)

Murrmurr said:


> Thank you, Sea. That's very kind. Things haven't worked out as I hoped with Michelle but when she told me she's only 38, I figured we might have problems sooner or later. Not _these_ problems, though.


Had to get up and take some medicine so I peeked in and saw this. Back when I was 35 I was pursued by a 23 yr old. *Grins* I knew it would never last but I chose to just enjoy it for all it was worth until it was no more. Had a helluva good time. But it did finally end. Some things in life just aren't meant to be. And they don't always have to be.


----------



## hellomimi (Dec 23, 2020)

Murrmurr said:


> Thank you, Sea. That's very kind. Things haven't worked out as I hoped with Michelle but when she told me she's only 38, I figured we might have problems sooner or later. Not _these_ problems, though.


Geezers can have fun, right?  I'm messing with you brother. If geezers can have FWBs with much younger women...WOW! feel good huh ?


----------



## Brookswood (Dec 28, 2020)

Murrmurr said:


> Actually, her income is quite a bit better than mine. I can see it would be pretty convenient for her if I moved in her place or her in mine, but honestly, I like my place, like my space and my alone time, plus my former foster son sometimes spends weekends with me and my 2 youngest grandkids stay up to a week a couple times a month and there's certain things we like to do; watch off the wall movies and stuff. So, nah. And yes, it moved too fast.
> 
> I like Michelle really a LOT, I just don't want to live with her.


So you want a woman in your life but not in your house.  There’s nothing wrong with that.   But if  that does not match her needs it’s time to look elsewhere.


----------



## Brookswood (Dec 28, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> Geezers can have fun, right?  I'm messing with you brother. If geezers can have FWBs with much younger women...WOW! feel good huh ?


I have a former female coworker who had suggested a FWB relationship for us. I doubt I would be her only FWB guy friend.  She has told me about several of the men in her past.  I gave her a polite No.


----------



## MarciKS (Dec 28, 2020)

if i'm gonna trouble myself with male companionship in a romantic setting i need more than just the benefits. i've had them they ain't that big a deal.


----------



## Murrmurr (Dec 28, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> if i'm gonna trouble myself with male companionship in a romantic setting i need more than just the benefits. i've had them they ain't that big a deal.


Ho, Ho, Ho


----------



## MarciKS (Dec 28, 2020)

i don't wanna be a ho anymore. lol!


----------



## Murrmurr (Dec 29, 2020)

Brookswood said:


> So you want a woman in your life but not in your house.  There’s nothing wrong with that.   But if  that does not match her needs it’s time to look elsewhere.


She'll be looking elsewhere before I will.  She was looking when she found me. I was just looking to get the mail.


----------



## Brookswood (Dec 29, 2020)

Murrmurr said:


> She'll be looking elsewhere before I will.  She was looking when she found me. I was just looking to get the mail.



So she was looking to get a male. And you were looking to get the mail.     A common purpose sort of.


----------



## MarciKS (Dec 29, 2020)

*now if there's a male worth viewing on the way to get the mail i see no harm in that. *grins**


----------



## hellomimi (Dec 30, 2020)

Brookswood said:


> I have a former female coworker who had suggested a FWB relationship for us. I doubt I would be her only FWB guy friend.  She has told me about several of the men in her past.  I gave her a polite No.


I was talking to a group of golden girls who engage in FWBs and they said most were no BIG deal  . They said the biggest advantage is not having to worry about forgetting the pill. But I cautioned them about STDs, from which they aren't exempt.


----------



## MarkinPhx (Dec 30, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> I was talking to a group of golden girls who engage in FWBs and they said most were no BIG deal  . They said the biggest advantage is not having to worry about forgetting the pill. But I cautioned them about STDs, from which they aren't exempt.


Sun City here in Arizona has one of the highest STD rates in the country ....just saying...


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## Kathleen’s Place (Dec 30, 2020)

MarkinPhx said:


> Sun City here in Arizona has one of the highest STD rates in the country ....just saying...


. I better tell my widowed brother who spends his winters there!!!!


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## Murrmurr (Dec 30, 2020)

Just want to put this out there.

Last year, I bought myself one of those Purple mattresses. They're basically foam mattresses but the design is unique and the foam itself is too. It's kind of jelly-rubbery stuff. And it's purple. Well, I sleep like a baby on it (no back pain) so I went back to the website to see if they had kid mattresses. They don't (cuz, lots of regulations) but they had *pet beds*. So I ordered a large (Great Dane size) pet bed for Collin. It's like 35"x47" - something like that - so it didn't fit the youth bed I got him, but that's okay bc the youth bed was too narrow (he's a big guy for his age). I built a tent to fit over/around it and he loved it even more. Anyhow, I thought CPS would take issue with one of their kids sleeping on a pet bed on the floor but both his workers loved it.

(Put this in the wrong thread, but whatever. It's staying.)


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## Kathleen’s Place (Dec 30, 2020)

That is cool!  Bet he will/does love it


----------



## Brookswood (Dec 31, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> I was talking to a group of golden girls who engage in FWBs and they said most were no BIG deal  . They said the biggest advantage is not having to worry about forgetting the pill. But I cautioned them about STDs, from which they aren't exempt.


Exactly.     I suspect she probably had an STD or would have one eventually.    She just liked men too much.

One of the great things about older women is that they don't get pregnant.   A buddy of mine married a 20 year younger gal in her early 40's. At 65 he is now the father of two year old twins.   Better him than me.

Another acquaintance is 70 with a newborn.   Again, a 40 year old wife.   What is it with those 40 year old women?  Is it their mission to give children to old men?


----------



## hellomimi (Dec 31, 2020)

I gave birth when I was 41 and first thing I asked my husband to check was Simian crease... He turned out perfect and my life was never the same.


----------



## C'est Moi (Dec 31, 2020)

Brookswood said:


> What is it with those 40 year old women?  Is it their mission to give children to old men?


Beats me.  When I was young I was creeped out by old men.


----------



## MarciKS (Dec 31, 2020)

C'est Moi said:


> Beats me.  When I was young I was creeped out by old men.


I still am a little. And I'm old. LOL


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## Murrmurr (Jan 1, 2021)

Kathleen’s Place said:


> That is cool!  Bet he will/does love it


I had to move it into my room. There's a small alcove in my room where I had a large bureau - I moved that to another wall and set up Collin's tent-bed there. He doesn't like sleeping in his room anymore, so it's his playroom now. About 50% of the time, at around 3am, he'll crawl in bed with me, but the rest of the time he sleeps in his own bed until we get up in the morning. The most amazing thing is he stopped waking up screaming (maybe nightmares?) ever since I got him this bed. I used to have to jump out of bed 2 or 3 times every night bc he'd wake up screaming and/or crying...sort of wake up. Most of the time he was still kind of asleep. Anyway, that stopped after he got his new bed.


----------



## Shalimar (Jan 1, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> I had to move it into my room. There's a small alcove in my room where I had a large bureau - I moved that to another wall and set up Collin's tent-bed there. He doesn't like sleeping in his room anymore, so it's his playroom now. About 50% of the time, at around 3am, he'll crawl in bed with me, but the rest of the time he sleeps in his own bed until we get up in the morning. The most amazing thing is he stopped waking up screaming (maybe nightmares?) ever since I got him this bed. I used to have to jump out of bed 2 or 3 times every night bc he'd wake up screaming and/or crying...sort of wake up. Most of the time he was still kind of asleep. Anyway, that stopped after he got his new bed.


    I wonder if the tent like walls make him feel safe, like a cocoon?


----------



## Pepper (Jan 1, 2021)

People are So Crazy @Murrmurr that I hope your being in bed with Collin is never used to misconstrue anything.  Of course it isn't but people seem nuttier and meaner than ever.  I worry, I'm a worrier and have your best interests in my heart.


----------



## Murrmurr (Jan 1, 2021)

Brookswood said:


> Exactly.     I suspect she probably had an STD or would have one eventually.    She just liked men too much.
> 
> One of the great things about older women is that they don't get pregnant.   A buddy of mine married a 20 year younger gal in her early 40's. At 65 he is now the father of two year old twins.   Better him than me.
> 
> Another acquaintance is 70 with a newborn.   Again, a 40 year old wife.   What is it with those 40 year old women?  Is it their mission to give children to old men?


Michelle can't have children. She had a hysterectomy when she was only 24 because of endometriosis. This is largely why she wants to open a foster home. She wants to get a house because she can only foster 2 children at a time at these apartments. Her plan is on hold now anyway because she lost her job at a place that closed a few months ago. She thinks she has enough for a downpayment but then she'll have to meet the mortgage and doesn't want that to come out of her savings so she's waiting till she gets another job. 

If I went in on this with her, I'd pay 1/2 the mortgage and utilities and supplies but I'd also get 1/2 the fostering income. I'd live with her and up to 5 foster kids and I'd probably be the handyman and groundskeeper. I don't wanna.


----------



## Murrmurr (Jan 1, 2021)

Shalimar said:


> I wonder if the tent like walls make him feel safe, like a cocoon?


I think so. It makes sense.


----------



## Murrmurr (Jan 1, 2021)

Pepper said:


> People are So Crazy @Murrmurr that I hope your being in bed with Collin is never used to misconstrue anything.  Of course it isn't but people seem nuttier and meaner than ever.  I worry, I'm a worrier and have your best interests in my heart.


I do worry about this. I need to break this habit before he can talk to people about it, you know? I hate to resort to the "Daddy Voice" and insist he stay in bed but I might have to do that.


----------



## Murrmurr (Jan 1, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> I do worry about this. I need to break this habit before he can talk to people about it, you know? I hate to resort to the "Daddy Voice" and insist he stay in bed but I might have to do that.





Pepper said:


> People are So Crazy @Murrmurr that I hope your being in bed with Collin is never used to misconstrue anything.  Of course it isn't but people seem nuttier and meaner than ever.  I worry, I'm a worrier and have your best interests in my heart.


Can you imagine him saying to *anyone* "I sleep with Uncle Frank"?? First thing, he'd be barred from my home while there's an investigation and inquisition. I'd lose my license. He'd have to go through a physical exam. That would exonerate me but still, we'd have to go through all this crap and I'd be prohibited from having him overnight and probably get supervised-only visits for months on end. Collin doesn't need that on top of everything else.


----------



## Pepper (Jan 1, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> Can you imagine him saying to *anyone* "I sleep with Uncle Frank"?? First thing, he'd be barred from my home while there's an investigation and inquisition. I'd lose my license. He'd have to go through a physical exam. That would exonerate me but still, we'd have to go through all this crap and I'd be prohibited from having him overnight and probably get supervised-only visits for months on end. Collin doesn't need that on top of everything else.


Children are so innocent, and to them saying something lovable about someone they love doing something they love is a pleasure to talk about. I honestly hate the thought of Collin Not being able to jump into bed with you But...........seems to me a growing number of folks today are just so intent on being involved, whether they are being vindictive or thinking they are 'helping.' Ask a professional, and I don't mean Collin's caseworkers.  Are you friends with a social worker or psychology person or in therapy?  

Protect your relationship.  It is so valuable to you both.


----------



## Murrmurr (Jan 1, 2021)

Pepper said:


> Children are so innocent, and to them saying something lovable about someone they love doing something they love is a pleasure to talk about. I honestly hate the thought of Collin Not being able to jump into bed with you But...........seems to me a growing number of folks today are just so intent on being involved, whether they are being vindictive or thinking they are 'helping.' Ask a professional, and I don't mean Collin's caseworkers.  Are you friends with a social worker or psychology person or in therapy?
> 
> Protect your relationship.  It is so valuable to you both.


That's a very good suggestion. I do know someone, a family counselor who's not involved in Collin's case. She's a good resource. 
Thanks, Pepper.


----------



## Kathleen’s Place (Jan 1, 2021)

You should try one of those weighted blankets too, Murrmurr. It really helped my autistic grandson when he was younger. He also used to go to his closet (on his own) when he was having a melt down. He had the floor filled with quilts and sleeping bags and apparently this helped calm him when nothing else could.


----------



## Murrmurr (Jan 1, 2021)

Kathleen’s Place said:


> You should try one of those weighted blankets too, Murrmurr. It really helped my autistic grandson when he was younger. He also used to go to his closet (on his own) when he was having a melt down. He had the floor filled with quilts and sleeping bags and apparently this helped calm him when nothing else could.


I've thought about that. In fact I looked for a kid sized one but couldn't find one. Is your grandson's small sized?


----------



## Gaer (Jan 1, 2021)

RadishRose said:


> I don't have a good feeling about this.
> 
> Asking to move in after 4 weeks is bizarre and a 27 year age span is too much, all IMO.
> 
> Please be careful.


27 years is an age gap but LOK AT HIM!  He's gorgeous!


----------



## Kathleen’s Place (Jan 1, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> I've thought about that. In fact I looked for a kid sized one but couldn't find one. Is your grandson's small sized?


No, I don’t think so.  He was probably 5 or 6 when he started using it.  Know anyone who sews?  You could always make your own for his specific size.


----------



## RadishRose (Jan 1, 2021)

Gaer said:


> 27 years is an age gap but LOK AT HIM!  He's gorgeous!


You don't know that's him, Gaer. But yes, the photo is appealing.


----------



## RadishRose (Jan 1, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> If I went in on this with her, I'd pay 1/2 the mortgage and utilities and supplies but I'd also get 1/2 the fostering income. I'd live with her and up to 5 foster kids and I'd probably be the handyman and groundskeeper. I don't wanna.


 This lady has an agenda and needs help with it. Run!


----------



## Murrmurr (Jan 1, 2021)

RadishRose said:


> This lady has an agenda and needs help with it. Run!


Yeah she's got a plan but she'll have to look for another business partner.


----------



## Murrmurr (Jan 1, 2021)

RadishRose said:


> You don't know that's him, Gaer. But yes, the photo is appealing.


You can just see my daughter's head to my left. But it's a studio portrait, which always look good, and about a year ago.


----------



## DaveA (Jan 2, 2021)

Aside from the COVID mess that we're in, getting married seems so much simpler when I look back 60-some years  - - -2 people, ages 17 and 19 - - -without any careers, kids, property, or bank accounts that amounted to anything.  

If I had to do it later in life I might have thrown in the towel and lived the life of a hermit. but best wishes for whatever develops.


----------



## Murrmurr (Jan 2, 2021)

DaveA said:


> Aside from the COVID mess that we're in, getting married seems so much simpler when I look back 60-some years  - - -2 people, ages 17 and 19 - - -without any careers, kids, property, or bank accounts that amounted to anything.
> 
> If I had to do it later in life I might have thrown in the towel and lived the life of a hermit.


If I had the benefit of hindsight I wouldn't have married practically right out of high school. Theses days cultures that pair men in their 30s or 40s with women as young as 18-19 make sense. I'm not talking about where they give a 9 yr old girl to a 75 yr old guy who's practically a corpse already! But like a few places in the eastern hemisphere the guy only marries after he has a good job and he's clean out of wild oats and selfishness, and he's mature enough to protect and provide for his family and put their needs and those of his livelihood before his own.

idk, maybe they don't still do it that way except in outlying tribal areas.


----------



## Pepper (Jan 2, 2021)

Good Grief
make that No Comment


----------



## Murrmurr (Jan 2, 2021)

Pepper said:


> Good Grief
> make that No Comment


I'm just saying, it makes sense. Women shouldn't marry a guy who's under 26, 28, seriously. They're not really ready.


----------



## Murrmurr (Jan 2, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> I'm just saying, it makes sense. Women shouldn't marry a guy who's under 26, 28, seriously. They're not really ready.





Pepper said:


> Good Grief
> make that No Comment


In fact, if you think about it, women have the ability to build a better society of humans by being selective. Darwinian, but it's true.


----------



## MarciKS (Jan 2, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> In fact, if you think about it, women have the ability to build a better society of humans by being selective. Darwinian, but it's true.


Selective is for sperm banks.


----------



## Murrmurr (Jan 2, 2021)

MarciKS said:


> Selective is for sperm banks.


But if you're building a better society, a kid needs a father.


----------



## MarciKS (Jan 2, 2021)

Yes but I don't think most women fall in love with a man because they think he's gonna be a good sperm donor. Ya know?


----------



## MarciKS (Jan 2, 2021)

Come to think of it...can the swimmers of a 70 yr old perform well enough to create this better society if they actually manage to make it to the end of the swim?


----------



## Murrmurr (Jan 2, 2021)

MarciKS said:


> Yes but I don't think most women fall in love with a man because they think he's gonna be a good sperm donor. Ya know?


That's true of young women. They have a more romanticized view of marriage and family, imo. More mature women look for a partner with whom they can build a good life. So maybe we should ALL wait until we know wth we're doing.


----------



## Murrmurr (Jan 2, 2021)

MarciKS said:


> Come to think of it...can the swimmers of a 70 yr old perform well enough to create this better society if they actually manage to make it to the end of the swim?


Again, I'm not talking about old dudes. But some can, yes. I'll bet as many as 50% of them can.


----------



## MarciKS (Jan 2, 2021)

It's like the young women marry them and say here...unwrap your package. The geezer dies and it's as if he's saying...here's yours (bundle of joy?) so long.


----------



## DaveA (Jan 2, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> I'm just saying, it makes sense. Women shouldn't marry a guy who's under 26, 28, seriously. They're not really ready.


Hahaha  OMG,  I've got to tell my wife what  a loser she is !

When she married me, I was lacking in almost all of your "qualifications". Let's see---Under 26 (I was 19), discharged from the military 1 year after marriage with our first child due in 2 weeks following the discharge (so- married, one child, no job), still supposedly "full of wild oats", selfish and immature.

Miracles do happen though.  We're still plugging along at 87 and 85 with a flock of kids, grands, and greatgrands trailing behind us and thankfully, I did find a job before that first month after discharge was over.


----------



## Murrmurr (Jan 2, 2021)

DaveA said:


> Hahaha  OMG,  I've got to tell my wife what  a loser she is !
> 
> When she married me, I was lacking in almost all of your "qualifications". Let's see---Under 26 (I was 19), discharged from the military 1 year after marriage with our first child due in 2 weeks following the discharge (so- married, one child, no job), still supposedly "full of wild oats", selfish and immature.
> 
> Miracles do happen though.  We're still plugging along at 87 and 85 with a flock of kids, grands, and greatgrands trailing behind us and thankfully, I did find a job before that first month after discharge was over.


Double thumbs-up, Dave! 
But I might give a lot of credit to your wife, yes?


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## DaveA (Jan 2, 2021)

Murrmurr stated;  But I might give a lot of credit to your wife, yes?

Definitely.  She's kept this family ship afloat through thick and thin.  

And a correction - -We met at 19 and 17 but were married at the more advanced ages of 21 and 19.  Sorry!


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## Phoenix (Jan 3, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> If I had the benefit of hindsight I wouldn't have married practically right out of high school. Theses days cultures that pair men in their 30s or 40s with women as young as 18-19 make sense. I'm not talking about where they give a 9 yr old girl to a 75 yr old guy who's practically a corpse already! But like a few places in the eastern hemisphere the guy only marries after he has a good job and he's clean out of wild oats and selfishness, and he's mature enough to protect and provide for his family and put their needs and those of his livelihood before his own.
> 
> idk, maybe they don't still do it that way except in outlying tribal areas.


There is no way when I was 18 or 19 that I would have wanted an "old guy" of 30.  And at 18 I was not mature enough for marriage either.  We all need to grow up and become our own person before we enter marriage.  At 18 we are all babies.  None of us are mature enough until we are 30.


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## grahamg (Jan 4, 2021)

Phoenix said:


> There is no way when I was 18 or 19 that I would have wanted an "old guy" of 30.  And at 18 I was not mature enough for marriage either.  We all need to grow up and become our own person before we enter marriage.  At 18 we are all babies.  None of us are mature enough until we are 30.


My fathers ironic comment comes in handy here, "You should only marry before you have any sense, and after its all gone"!


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## Rosemarie (Jan 5, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> Yeah, we really haven't known each other for very long so I was surprised she even brought it up. But in any case, I like living alone. Seems unreasonable for her to be angry at me for that.
> Actually, the more I think about it the more I figure it worked out the way it was supposed to. Sure a bummer, tho.


It was good while it lasted but now it's finished.


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## Kathleen’s Place (Jan 5, 2021)

DaveA said:


> Hahaha  OMG,  I've got to tell my wife what  a loser she is !
> 
> When she married me, I was lacking in almost all of your "qualifications". Let's see---Under 26 (I was 19), discharged from the military 1 year after marriage with our first child due in 2 weeks following the discharge (so- married, one child, no job), still supposedly "full of wild oats", selfish and immature.
> 
> Miracles do happen though.  We're still plugging along at 87 and 85 with a flock of kids, grands, and greatgrands trailing behind us and thankfully, I did find a job before that first month after discharge was over.


Sounds like my husband and I. The only ones in the church who thought our marriage would make it, were my husband and I. “Well we ain’t got a barrel of money, maybe we’re ragged and funny. But we’ll travel along, singing our song, side by side.” Became our theme song.  53 years  later, it’s been a wonderful ride!!!!!


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## Murrmurr (Jan 5, 2021)

Rosemarie said:


> It was good while it lasted but now it's finished.


Not yet.
She accepted the flowers I sent and gave me a call. All is well...so far.


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## Ferocious (Jan 5, 2021)

Finding Love in the Era of Covid​
*"Hmmm.....well, snogging in gas masks could be difficult."*


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## Rosemarie (Jan 6, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> Not yet.
> She accepted the flowers I sent and gave me a call. All is well...so far.


Then I hope you get back together. At least you have a better idea of what sort of person she is....someone who is used to getting what she wants!


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## win231 (Jan 6, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> Not yet.
> She accepted the flowers I sent and gave me a call. All is well...so far.


Make another date at the mailboxes & really send her.


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## Murrmurr (Jan 6, 2021)

win231 said:


> Make another date at the mailboxes & really send her.


I'll squeeze into my yoga pants. That oughta do it.


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## terry123 (Jan 6, 2021)

I need to start going to the mail boxes and getting my mail if thats all it takes to meet someone!  I would love to meet someone my age or a little older or younger to spend time with.  But I want to keep my own condo and spend time there alone if I want to.  I like my own company, my books and plants.  But it would be nice to have someone over to cook for, spend the night and have breakfast with.  Then he could go home and do his thing and I could do mine.  I want to pay my own bills, spend time with my "grands" if I want to and he could do the same with his.  If we wanted to all have a meal together or visit together, fine. But no marrying for me. Been there, did that. Don't want to move in with anyone either.  The office here at the complex has been kind to deliver my mail to me everyday.  I might need to rethink that now!


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## Ferocious (Jan 6, 2021)

Finding Love in the Era of Covid​
*Another problem is, with the social distancing, she puckers her lips out as far as she can, I pucker my lips out as far as I can, but our lips still cannot meet..........................and this blowing each other kisses is just a load of 'mullarkey'.   *


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## Kathleen’s Place (Jan 6, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> I'll squeeze into my yoga pants. That oughta do it.


Not warm enough for speedo’s down there yey? Nothing sends a girl over the moon like a middle aged guy in a speedo!


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## Kathleen’s Place (Jan 6, 2021)

terry123 said:


> I need to start going to the mail boxes and getting my mail if thats all it takes to meet someone!  I would love to meet someone my age or a little older or younger to spend time with.  But I want to keep my own condo and spend time there alone if I want to.  I like my own company, my books and plants.  But it would be nice to have someone over to cook for, spend the night and have breakfast with.  Then he could go home and do his thing and I could do mine.  I want to pay my own bills, spend time with my "grands" if I want to and he could do the same with his.  If we wanted to all have a meal together or visit together, fine. But no marrying for me. Been there, did that. Don't want to move in with anyone either.  The office here at the complex has been kind to deliver my mail to me everyday.  I might need to rethink that now!


I was all in agreement with you until you got to the “spend the night” part . Is something ever happened to my husband, I would like to meet a nice gay man!


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## Murrmurr (Jan 6, 2021)

Ferocious said:


> Finding Love in the Era of Covid​
> *Another problem is, with the social distancing, she puckers her lips out as far as she can, I pucker my lips out as far as I can, but our lips still cannot meet..........................and this blowing each other kisses is just a load of 'mullarkey'.  *


We dated from an acceptable distance for a few weeks, mostly meals together at the picnic tables out on the grounds here, sometimes just sitting and chatting or taking walks together. There was no physical contact all that time, just talking and getting to know each other. It was actually kind of cool. Conversation started being about how "safe" we were regarding the virus, which was sorta weird but necessary, and the kisses started only after we were reasonably sure we wouldn't likely infect each other...Love in the Era of Covid.


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## Phoenix (Jan 6, 2021)

grahamg said:


> My fathers ironic comment comes in handy here, "You should only marry before you have any sense, and after its all gone"!


If it wasn't there to begin within, it can't disappear.


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## Jules (Jan 6, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> Theses days cultures that pair men in their 30s or 40s with women as young as 18-19 make sense.


Only for the men.  The women deserve to grow up and develop their own personalities.  And sow their wild oats too.


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## Murrmurr (Jan 6, 2021)

Jules said:


> Only for the men.  The women deserve to grow up and develop their own personalities.  And sow their wild oats too.


Needless to say they think very differently about that. But I'm pretty sure that way of thinking will be history very soon.


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## Lara (Jan 11, 2021)

I was MIA for the holidays so just trying to catch up. I love the sound of my feet walking away from something not meant for me. Call me old fashioned


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## Murrmurr (Jan 11, 2021)

Lara said:


> I was MIA for the holidays so just trying to catch up. So...you're saying that when you were 37 years old, she was only 10 years old and now that your 65...she should be okay with a sex only relationship? I love the sound of my feet walking away from something not meant for me. Call me old fashioned


If she isn't, she can walk away. And I expect she will.


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## Pepper (Jan 11, 2021)




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## Murrmurr (Jan 11, 2021)

Lara said:


> I was MIA for the holidays so just trying to catch up. So...you're saying that when you were 37 years old, she was only 10 years old and now that your 65...she should be okay with a sex only relationship? I love the sound of my feet walking away from something not meant for me. Call me old fashioned


Had to come back to this one. I think others have characterized it as a sex-only relationship, too. It isn't. We've become very good friends. We care about each other and help each other in various ways. We've cooked for each other and cut each other's hair...she's a better barber than I am a hairdresser so I doubt she'll be handing me the scissors for a second time. We laugh, we have serious conversations, we're enjoying each other's company.


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## Lara (Jan 11, 2021)

Well it's true that you're both adults now.


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## Murrmurr (Jan 11, 2021)

Lara said:


> Well it's true that you're both adults now.


Yes, I was 10 at one time too.


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## terry123 (Jan 11, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> Had to come back to this one. I think others have characterized it as a sex-only relationship, too. It isn't. We've become very good friends. We care about each other and help each other in various ways. We've cooked for each other and cut each other's hair...she's a better barber than I am a hairdresser so I doubt she'll be handing me the scissors for a second time. We laugh, we have serious conversations, we're enjoying each other's company.


Sounds like a great relationship for both of you.  Enjoy each other.


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## OneEyedDiva (Jan 11, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> Just want to put this out there.
> 
> Last year, I bought myself one of those Purple mattresses. They're basically foam mattresses but the design is unique and the foam itself is too. It's kind of jelly-rubbery stuff. And it's purple. Well, I sleep like a baby on it (no back pain) so I went back to the website to see if they had kid mattresses. They don't (cuz, lots of regulations) but they had *pet beds*. So I ordered a large (Great Dane size) pet bed for Collin. It's like 35"x47" - something like that - so it didn't fit the youth bed I got him, but that's okay bc the youth bed was too narrow (he's a big guy for his age). I built a tent to fit over/around it and he loved it even more. Anyhow, I thought CPS would take issue with one of their kids sleeping on a pet bed on the floor but both his workers loved it.
> 
> (Put this in the wrong thread, but whatever. It's staying.)


So is the purple mattress as great as advertised. Would you say it's the best mattress you've ever had?


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## OneEyedDiva (Jan 11, 2021)

Murrmurr said:


> Michelle can't have children. She had a hysterectomy when she was only 24 because of endometriosis. This is largely why she wants to open a foster home. She wants to get a house because she can only foster 2 children at a time at these apartments. Her plan is on hold now anyway because she lost her job at a place that closed a few months ago. She thinks she has enough for a downpayment but then she'll have to meet the mortgage and doesn't want that to come out of her savings so she's waiting till she gets another job.
> 
> If I went in on this with her, I'd pay 1/2 the mortgage and utilities and supplies but I'd also get 1/2 the fostering income. I'd live with her and up to 5 foster kids and I'd probably be the handyman and groundskeeper. I don't wanna.


Maybe that's what the rush was all about. Maybe she thought she could get you to think with the wrong head! I'm so glad you didn't fall for that and are sticking to your guns! BTW, I've always said people don't get sense until they're in their 40's.


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## Murrmurr (Jan 11, 2021)

OneEyedDiva said:


> So is the purple mattress as great as advertised. Would you say it's the best mattress you've ever had?


It is. I got a "middlin'" one, an inch less thick and soft-sided. I would have wasted the extra cost if I'd gotten the "better" one. It was kind of weird the first time I sat on the edge of it and almost slid off, but you just sit a little farther back on it and it's fine. Extremely comfortable, not too warm or too cool, and best of all, for the first time in 3 decades, I can sleep on my back!


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