# To make the Jump or not and to What



## orangele (Apr 7, 2019)

Im 61, still working ALOT, and at or near maximal career earnings. I recently decided that the person that I thought I would be spending my retirement yrs with was NOT the right person. This fact has left me in a bit of a quandary since many of my goals were based on what I thought my ex-partner wanted, and I just was happy to go along on the ride. Now I am left with the realization that I really don't know what I want to do, where I want to live, and what the goals are for the future. I am both frightened and excited by the infinite possibilities. 

Once I retire, due to the requirements of my main job, after months or certainly after a yr, there is no going back. I can continue a side gig indefinitely in retirement that can pay for all or the majority of my living costs. I know that I will likely have to downsize my current lifestyle once I retire. I have ongoing financial burdens such as a 6 yrs long civil lawsuit that WILL BE OVER within the yr, but the ongoing legal expenses require that I continue to work. Additionally I keep my ex-partner as my closest friend, and am committed to financially assisting her for another 18 months (commitment made during counseling in the event that we did split), and she stays in another home that I own, and cares for many pets that we accumulated in our 10 yrs together. I have been living since our split in a home in another state that was previously rented, and that I have been renovating in preparation to rent again in the very near future. 

I do have savings to retire currently and be comfortable, but I am hesitant since I find it hard to walk away from an income I have taken a lifetime to develop. I am in good health fortunately. Further I dont even know what I would do if I retired.  

So I apologize for the rambling about my situation and it illustrates that really I have alot of facts, and no set goals or direction to go.


----------



## Uptosnuff (Apr 7, 2019)

Hi orangele

You say you are working alot.  Do you like what you're doing?  From everything you said, perhaps you might consider working for another year or two and see where things are at that time.  This would be easier if you really liked your job.  Maybe in a year or two your life might be a bit more settled and easier for you to make some decisions.


----------



## Aunt Bea (Apr 7, 2019)

If you enjoy your job and it provides some stability/routine in your life then stick with it until you are ready to retire.

Just knowing that you are in a position to retire when the time is right should be a great relief to you.

Good luck with your decision.


----------



## orangele (Apr 7, 2019)

Aunt Bea said:


> If you enjoy your job and it provides some stability/routine in your life then stick with it until you are ready to retire.
> 
> Just knowing that you are in a position to retire when the time is right should be a great relief to you.
> 
> Good luck with your decision.



I dont like job that provides my main source of income, but I like the income.   I would even go so far to say I hate my main job, but I have hated my job for over a decade.   As I mention though within months of quitting my job I would likely have a hard time to return to it due to requirements of the job.  Therefore I am fearful to make a decision that I could deeply regret financially.   The side job is OK and is flexible, but less stable.  Yes it is a strange irony and true that knowing I could quit gives me alot of comfort, but it also strangely makes me continue to work because of the outlook that I can take it just a little longer; I can tough it out until something happens that breaks the camel's back.


----------



## Knight (Apr 8, 2019)

Orangele no doubt you are conflicted. Reading that you don't need the income then have committments and lastly that you hate the job but you can tough it out until something happens that breaks the camel's back.


Seems to me continuing to build & improve financial security until you are clear of commitments, that civil law suit and close to medicare for health care coverage. Sucking it up at a job you don't like for a few more years is the logical path to take. 


That boogie man of breaking the camel's back tells me you have thought thru the negative's and need a push to do what gives you more peace of mind.


----------



## fmdog44 (Apr 8, 2019)

Asking for advise on something so personal as retiring is kind of useless. It is your life's decision now and like sonmeone said there is nothing on your resume listing "retired". So none of us had any experience with it. I thought I would perhaps puruse something workwise but that idea faded quickly because it contradicted eveything I worked for. The last 17 years I worked seven days a week and 12 hours per day for the sole reason of never having to worry about money when I threw in the towel. No advice from me other than make damn sure you make the right move when you do. It's a whole new way to live and some of it you will figure out as you go along. Do it right and you will have heaven on Earth. Good luck!


----------



## orangele (Apr 8, 2019)

As stated before, I have some peace knowing that I have enough savings that I will not starve if I retired today (although loss of the civil lawsuit I am involved with would not be good), and that I will just keep working to continually improve my retirement pot until the day something happens that makes my decision to quit easy.   That happened in my last job where literally I made my decision in 15 min after getting so upset that I simply could not take it another day.   It was a decision that turned out to be a good one and yes that job was even worse than the one I have.   

I guess I think the advice that others on the forum might have some insight about relates to my recent breakup and how over the past yrs it seems that I was working toward the goals of my ex-partner, and not necessarily my own.  How do I go about discovering my own goals, dreams, where I want to live etc, after a divorce or breakup near retirement; I am sure that there must be others who have gone through that situation.

I have been a loner my whole life and felt the need to have only one  confidante or partner.    I still consider my ex-partner to be my close friend, but I don't think I want to go on trips together or travel together.   I don't say this in an attempt to say something negative about her, but the reason that I decided that she was not the person I wanted to spend my retirement with, is that I believe because of the "demons," in her past including her mother abandoning her as a teenager, she would push people away in order to test people, and self-sabotage her relationships.   This included being irritated, mean, and rude toward me for no reason whatsoever for the majority of the time.    This was a constant issue in our relationship and something that yrs of counseling did not fix.   So not having a partner impacts my retirement plans in that a big question is that if I like to travel, go to shows, go to nice restaurants, do I want to do these things alone; do I want to find another partner, or friends to do these things with.


----------



## Lethe200 (Apr 8, 2019)

My only advice would be that if you are breaking up with your partner, *don't make any impulsive decisions for at least 1 year.*

One of the worst things anyone can do is make an important financial decision while going through an emotional roller-coaster. 

Just my 2 cents worth.....I hope everything works out for you in the end.


----------



## Floridatennisplayer (Apr 8, 2019)

Sounds like an episode of Judge Judy!


----------



## Getyoung (Apr 8, 2019)

I agree with Lethe200, completely focus and settle one issue at a time and only progress from that point.  Dealing with too many balls in the air at the same time....and one will drop where you don't want it to.


----------



## fmdog44 (Apr 8, 2019)

Perhaps the most memorable thing my dad taught me was "you only go around once, no second chance." Like orangele, I to have always been a loner and I always acted on the idea my decisions are mine and no one else will be blamed. My mother passed away suddenly just before my dad's retirement and nothing could have hit him harder as he faced life without her in his remaining years. His plans blew up in his face of living out his life with the love of his life. So the moral of the story is plan, plan, plan and if it works out, fine. If not then so be it a there are things we cannot change. Retirement should be a *reward* for all previous years of ups and downs so live it to the fullest.


----------



## Catlady (Apr 19, 2019)

From where I am standing, here are your priorities:
Keep working until your civil suit is settled and you know what your liabilities are
Keep working until your 18 months of financial assistance to your former S/O is settled

THEN take another look at your finances and your life and decide where or how you will retire.  The decision should be easier by then since the two biggest problems in your life will/should be settled.  Retirement should not have to be engraved in stone, if you decide it's not really what you want then you make changes or adjustments.  Re your being a loner, I too am one and I'm fine with it.  Better be alone and even lonely than live with someone who makes your life miserable, which your ex was making your life.  As to traveling and stuff, you could still do it with your SO if she's willing, sounds like you still care about her.  Living together and being social friends are two entirely different experiences, you could probably get along if you're not living together.  And if that doesn't work, there is the possibility of going on trips with other people as a group as a last resort.  Even as a loner you could probably put up with company and strangers for a week or two if the destination is worth it.


----------



## Leann (Apr 20, 2019)

PVC said:


> From where I am standing, here are your priorities:
> Keep working until your civil suit is settled and you know what your liabilities are
> Keep working until your 18 months of financial assistance to your former S/O is settled
> 
> THEN take another look at your finances and your life and decide where or how you will retire.  The decision should be easier by then since the two biggest problems in your life will/should be settled.  Retirement should not have to be engraved in stone, if you decide it's not really what you want then you make changes or adjustments.  Re your being a loner, I too am one and I'm fine with it.  Better be alone and even lonely than live with someone who makes your life miserable, which your ex was making your life.  As to traveling and stuff, you could still do it with your SO if she's willing, sounds like you still care about her.  Living together and being social friends are two entirely different experiences, you could probably get along if you're not living together.  And if that doesn't work, there is the possibility of going on trips with other people as a group as a last resort.  Even as a loner you could probably put up with company and strangers for a week or two if the destination is worth it.



I agree with PVC and what the others have said here. Don't rush into any decisions right now. After my divorce, my initial thought was to upend everything and make drastic changes which included moving and leaving my job. But the logical side of me prevailed and I took two full years until I made any changes and it was the right thing for me. It sounds like you're a planner which is a good thing. You've prepared financially for your future. Also, don't rush into a new relationship to fill the void left by your SO.


----------

