# My Youngest Brother Is In ICU



## Pecos (Oct 1, 2020)

My youngest brother (71) had a heart attack in the early morning hours of 29 August and managed to get emergency services to get him to a hospital fairly quickly. The doctors determined that he needed to have a stent put in and they scheduled him for this operation the next morning. I was able to talk to him right after they had done their initial prep work and he was coherent and in good spirits but was already under the influence of the drugs. The operation did not happen as he started having breathing problems and they decided to stabilize him before moving forward. He is still in ICU. We do not know if his situation is complicated by COVID.

I and my other brother (73) are very worried and good information seems to be very hard to get. My youngest brother is in Oregon and had to evacuate because of the fires. He was exposed to a lot of smoke.

I am on the East Coast and my middle brother is in Central Calif and can't do much either except play phone tag. 

Fortunately, my youngest brothers step-son is staying on top of this to the best of his ability and is competent and trustworthy. He seems to be our best source of information at this point.

But I am very worried and the difficulty of getting current information in the "age of COVID" is frustrating. 

Has anyone else had to deal with something like this lately?


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## Pink Biz (Oct 1, 2020)

Hope everything turns out for the best, Pecos.


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## officerripley (Oct 1, 2020)

Pecos said:


> My youngest brother (71) had a heart attack in the early morning hours of 29 August and managed to get emergency services to get him to a hospital fairly quickly. The doctors determined that he needed to have a stent put in and they scheduled him for this operation the next morning. I was able to talk to him right after they had done their initial prep work and he was coherent and in good spirits but was already under the influence of the drugs. The operation did not happen as he started having breathing problems and they decided to stabilize him before moving forward. He is still in ICU. We do not know if his situation is complicated by COVID.
> 
> I and my other brother (73) are very worried and good information seems to be very hard to get. My youngest brother is in Oregon and had to evacuate because of the fires. He was exposed to a lot of smoke.
> 
> ...


My hopes & wishes for you & your brother too, Pecos.


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## Phoenix (Oct 1, 2020)

Pecos said:


> My youngest brother (71) had a heart attack in the early morning hours of 29 August and managed to get emergency services to get him to a hospital fairly quickly. The doctors determined that he needed to have a stent put in and they scheduled him for this operation the next morning. I was able to talk to him right after they had done their initial prep work and he was coherent and in good spirits but was already under the influence of the drugs. The operation did not happen as he started having breathing problems and they decided to stabilize him before moving forward. He is still in ICU. We do not know if his situation is complicated by COVID.
> 
> I and my other brother (73) are very worried and good information seems to be very hard to get. My youngest brother is in Oregon and had to evacuate because of the fires. He was exposed to a lot of smoke.
> 
> ...


It is entirely worrisome.  I worked at a couple of hospitals as a ward clerk once upon a time and the practice was to not tell anyone anything.  I can see why the Covid issue would be of concern.  I think the best you can do right now is to meditate in whatever way works for you.  It will help you gain and maintain some semblance of calm.  The wait, not knowing what is coming next is the hardest part.  My thoughts and those of my husband are with you.


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## PopsnTuff (Oct 1, 2020)

Healing thoughts go out to you and your family Pecos at this difficult time.


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## RadishRose (Oct 1, 2020)

@Pecos, We're ok here but my heart and thoughts go out to you for your brother! It must be terrible for you not knowing with any surety what's going on. Prayers have been offered for both your brother and for your peace of mind.


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## Kaila (Oct 1, 2020)

Pecos, that sure seems like a sad and frustrating and difficult situation.  I am sorry for all of the added difficulties, due to it happening during this time of covid.


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## Pinky (Oct 1, 2020)

Thinking of your brother, Pecos .. and your family who are all so worried.


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## Keesha (Oct 1, 2020)




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## Lewkat (Oct 1, 2020)

, for you and your brother, Pecos.


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## Keesha (Oct 1, 2020)

Mistake.... sorry Pescos


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## Pepper (Oct 1, 2020)




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## Kayelle (Oct 1, 2020)

I'm so sorry to hear this Pecos. Not knowing what's going on is a nightmare I'm sure.

  You said.."
"Fortunately, my youngest brothers step-son is staying on top of this to the best of his ability and is competent and trustworthy. He seems to be our best source of information at this point."

Would it be possible for that step son to set up a Zoom Conference for the family? That could be a source of comfort for all of you.


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## SeaBreeze (Oct 1, 2020)

Wishing the best for your brother @Pecos, will be thinking of you and you family.


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## Geezerette (Oct 1, 2020)

Hope you get good news soon and that your brother does well.


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## hellomimi (Oct 1, 2020)

Thinking of you @Pecos and your brothers at these trying times. Sending you thoughts of love, hope and healing. Remember, this too shall pass.


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## PamfromTx (Oct 1, 2020)

Thoughts and prayer for you and your brother, Pecos.


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## jujube (Oct 1, 2020)

I'm so sorry you and your family is having to go through this.  It's hard at any time to have a loved one in the hospital or nursing home, but it's 100x more difficult in these times.


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## AnnieA (Oct 1, 2020)

Getting information in healthcare is restricted because of HIPAA privacy laws.  It is frustrating for loved ones in the best of times and any frustration is heightened these days due to Covid.  I am so sorry to hear about your brother's health and also that his situation is complicated by his having had to evacuate before the heart attack.   I'm glad he has a caring step-son. Praying for you and yours.


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## Phoenix (Oct 1, 2020)

AnnieA said:


> Getting information in healthcare is restricted because of HIPAA privacy laws.


Immediate family should have access to pertinent information.  If they don't, the law is wrong.


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## old medic (Oct 2, 2020)

Phoenix said:


> Immediate family should have access to pertinent information.  If they don't, the law is wrong.


DONT GET ME STARTED!!!!!!   its funny that theres a whole computer network of hospitals and insurance companys that can share your info..
Because you have to SIGN a HIPPA form BEFORE treatment.... But unless you give consent they cant tell your wife or kids.... BULLSHIT...

PECOS....
Take this info to heart my friend....
Placing STENTs today is about as routine as changing oil... 
Being they "Scheduled" it for the following day makes me believe its not an acute blockage.


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## Liberty (Oct 2, 2020)

Pink Biz said:


> Hope everything turns out for the best, Pecos.


Ditto for me Pecos.  Hope he gets well soon.


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## Pam (Oct 2, 2020)

Thinking of you and your brother.


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## moviequeen1 (Oct 2, 2020)

saying prayers for your brother&family


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## Aunt Marg (Oct 2, 2020)

You and your brother are in my thoughts and prayers, Pecos.


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## Judycat (Oct 2, 2020)

So sorry for your situation. Not knowing is the pits.


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## Pecos (Oct 2, 2020)

I got updated information this morning that came via my brother's stepson.

My brother (Jim) is going to have a triple bypass operation as soon as his lungs clear out. They did some kind of a procedure to clear out the arteries in his neck yesterday, and he has had one or more small heart attacks since he has been in the hospital. The situation looks even more dire than it did a few days ago. 

Amazingly, Jim called me late last night and we chatted. He was heavily under the influence of the drugs they have him on, so I was unable to get a coherent picture at that time. He did know that the Doctors were thinking that he was going to have to have open heart surgery. Jim was surprisingly upbeat about his situation and joked that he was "still on the right side of the grass", and that he "was not pushing up the daisy's yet." But that is my brother and he is a remarkably durable fellow. If anyone can survive this, it would be him, but I am very worried.


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## Aunt Marg (Oct 2, 2020)

Try and keep strong, Pecos, and I appreciate the update.

Hugs to you.


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## Butterfly (Oct 2, 2020)

Pecos my thoughts and prayers for peace and  healing are going out for your brother and you and your family.  I can only  imagine what an awful time this is for all of you.


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## Pinky (Oct 2, 2020)

Pecos said:


> I got updated information this morning that came via my brother's stepson.
> 
> My brother (Jim) is going to have a triple bypass operation as soon as his lungs clear out. They did some kind of a procedure to clear out the arteries in his neck yesterday, and he has had one or more small heart attacks since he has been in the hospital. The situation looks even more dire than it did a few days ago.
> 
> Amazingly, Jim called me late last night and we chatted. He was heavily under the influence of the drugs they have him on, so I was unable to get a coherent picture at that time. He did know that the Doctors were thinking that he was going to have to have open heart surgery. Jim was surprisingly upbeat about his situation and joked that he was "still on the right side of the grass", and that he "was not pushing up the daisy's yet." But that is my brother and he is a remarkably durable fellow. If anyone can survive this, it would be him, but I am very worried.


It's so good that you were able to speak to your brother, Pecos. My father, brother-in-law, and a friend had triple by-passes, and all did well afterwards.

Keeping your brother in my thoughts ❤


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## Pecos (Oct 2, 2020)

Pinky said:


> It's so good that you were able to speak to your brother, Pecos. My father, brother-in-law, and a friend had triple by-passes, and all did well afterwards.
> 
> Keeping your brother in my thoughts ❤


Thanks, I badly need to hear stories about survivors.


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## Becky1951 (Oct 2, 2020)

Pecos said:


> Thanks, I badly need to hear stories about survivors.



I had a massive heart attack in 2010, I had to have a 5 way bypass, I had 6 blocked arteries and also had to have 2 stents. I'm still here. I have had 3 more stents since then due to heart attacks, but I Am Still Here. Mine was a bit difficult, they had to remove my heart, place it in a bowl of cooling gel to work on it and I was hooked up to life support. When finished they shocked my heart to start it again..... I Am Still Here.  The bypass surgeries are very successful and are routine now.


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## Phoenix (Oct 2, 2020)

Becky1951 said:


> I had a massive heart attack in 2010, I had to have a 5 way bypass, I had 6 blocked arteries and also had to have 2 stents. I'm still here. I have had 3 more stents since then due to heart attacks, but I Am Still Here. Mine was a bit difficult, they had to remove my heart, place it in a bowl of cooling gel to work on it and I was hooked up to life support. When finished they shocked my heart to start it again..... I Am Still Here.  The bypass surgeries are very successful and are routine now.


I'm so glad you've overcome all those difficulties.  Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.


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## Pecos (Oct 2, 2020)

Becky1951 said:


> I had a massive heart attack in 2010, I had to have a 5 way bypass, I had 6 blocked arteries and also had to have 2 stents. I'm still here. I have had 3 more stents since then due to heart attacks, but I Am Still Here. Mine was a bit difficult, they had to remove my heart, place it in a bowl of cooling gel to work on it and I was hooked up to life support. When finished they shocked my heart to start it again..... I Am Still Here.  The bypass surgeries are very successful and are routine now.


Thank you, thank you. That helps me quite a bit.


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## jujube (Oct 2, 2020)

A good attitude is essential in surviving heart troubles.  It sounds like your brother has managed to keep his.  Good luck to him!


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## officerripley (Oct 2, 2020)

Pecos said:


> Thanks, I badly need to hear stories about survivors.


My husband had a 5-way bypass in 2013 & is doing great; just had a full followup, with the treadmill stress test & everything & they said he was still doing great. Hang in there.


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## Gaer (Oct 2, 2020)

Pecos,   Not just words with no feeling mouthed, "Words with no feeling, neer to Heaven go"; but ALL MY THOUGHT, PRAYERS AND FEELINGS for his recovery!  Blessings to all three of you!


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## Pecos (Oct 2, 2020)

officerripley said:


> My husband had a 5-way bypass in 2013 & is doing great; just had a full followup, with the treadmill stress test & everything & they said he was still doing great. Hang in there.


Thank you!  It is also good to read that your husband had a great recovery.


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## Camper6 (Oct 2, 2020)

Attitude is everything.  With his attitude he's going to make it.
My friend went through that.  Same type of personality.


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## Pecos (Oct 2, 2020)

Becky1951 said:


> I had a massive heart attack in 2010, I had to have a 5 way bypass, I had 6 blocked arteries and also had to have 2 stents. I'm still here. I have had 3 more stents since then due to heart attacks, but I Am Still Here. Mine was a bit difficult, they had to remove my heart, place it in a bowl of cooling gel to work on it and I was hooked up to life support. When finished they shocked my heart to start it again..... I Am Still Here.  The bypass surgeries are very successful and are routine now.


Wow, "a bit difficult", that is a real understatement. Modern medicine is amazing. You are one tough lady.


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## Pecos (Oct 7, 2020)

Update.
My brothers treatment plan has been a roller coaster ride. In addition to having been moved between hospitals a couple of times, his Doctors have gone from Stents, To Triple Bypass, to treatment with drugs alone, back to stents with drugs, and now treatment with drugs alone.

A big part of the problem is that he has been a life long heavy smoker and his lungs are a mess that have to be cleared out before they move forward. He also had a seizure on the day they were  preparing him for the open heart surgery and that scared the Doctors. Additionally, he has had 2 or 3 minor heart attacks in the hospital.

I have talked to him several times and while he seemed upbeat, I could tell that he is very worried, and so am I. He understands why the Doctors  are being so cautious.  For now they are keeping him in the hospital and not letting him go home with the drugs since the air quality continues to be bad from all the fires in his part of Oregon.

Jim really regrets that he did not stop smoking decades ago. 56 years of heavy smoking is hard to overcome.

Please continue to keep your fingers crossed for us.


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## officerripley (Oct 7, 2020)

Pecos said:


> Update.
> My brothers treatment plan has been a roller coaster ride. In addition to having been moved between hospitals a couple of times, his Doctors have gone from Stents, To Triple Bypass, to treatment with drugs alone, back to stents with drugs, and now treatment with drugs alone.
> 
> A big part of the problem is that he has been a life long heavy smoker and his lungs are a mess that have to be cleared out before they move forward. He also had a seizure on the day they were  preparing him for the open heart surgery and that scared the Doctors. Additionally, he has had 2 or 3 minor heart attacks in the hospital.
> ...


We will, Pecos; sending the very best wishes & thoughts your way.


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## Pinky (Oct 7, 2020)

I continue to send positive thoughts your way for your brother, Pecos  ❤


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## Devi (Oct 7, 2020)

Best wishes for his recovery.

Re the smoking: I quit about 11-12 years ago, after smoking for 39 years. It was miserable -- not just a couple of weeks of jittery nerves and then all was fine.  It took, as I recall, months to get over. But it's done. And ... it's certainly cheaper not to smoke!


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## Aunt Marg (Oct 7, 2020)

Thank you for the update, Pecos.

Try and remain strong and think positive.


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## Aneeda72 (Oct 7, 2020)

This is so hard for you and I am so sorry you are going through this.  My thoughts are with you and your brother as well.  When my son had open heart surgery last year (he was 50), it was so hard, so urgent, and so unexpected.  The surgery took much longer than they thought and they had to call in a second surgeon.

One year later, now, and he is back to hiking to the top of mountains as if nothing had happened.  Hopefully it will be the same for your brother.


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## RadishRose (Oct 7, 2020)

Still thinking of you and your brother, Pecos.   ♥


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## Gaer (Oct 7, 2020)

Me too Pecos!  Please keep us updated.  We all care!


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## Pepper (Oct 7, 2020)

Ditto


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## hellomimi (Oct 7, 2020)

@Pecos, I know it's easier said than done but with your SF family behind you, you need not worry too much. Trust in the expertise of his doctors and Jim's will to survive. We're all thinking positive and sending healing thoughts. Stay calm brother.


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## Aunt Marg (Oct 18, 2020)

Pecos. Looking for any update if you have one.


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## Pecos (Oct 18, 2020)

Aunt Marg said:


> Pecos. Looking for any update if you have one.


Thanks for asking, this is a tough one for me and the support that I am getting from you and others on the forum means a great deal.

We seem to be in a state of limbo for lack of a better way of putting it. After the roller coaster ride, the Doctors  decided that they would not operate until my brother's lungs got cleaned up better. They gave him medications, including patches to help him stop smoking and sent him home with instructions to also stop the heavy drinking. Fifty five years of heavy smoking and heavy drinking is hard to overcome. They will not operate until he gets his lungs cleared up better.

The very evening after they discharged him, he called me from outside a club where he was going to meet some of his buddies. My confidence level that he will follow the Doctors orders is not very high and my middle brother makes the same assessment.

It breaks my heart to see this self destructive behavior in an otherwise very intelligent person, but addiction is a tough nut to crack. As GaryO told me earlier, sometimes all we can do is pray and hope for the best.


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## officerripley (Oct 18, 2020)

Pecos said:


> Thanks for asking, this is a tough one for me and the support that I am getting from you and others on the forum means a great deal.
> 
> We seem to be in a state of limbo for lack of a better way of putting it. After the roller coaster ride, the Doctors  decided that they would not operate until my brother's lungs got cleaned up better. They gave him medications, including patches to help him stop smoking and sent him home with instructions to also stop the heavy drinking. Fifty five years of heavy smoking and heavy drinking is hard to overcome. They will not operate until he gets his lungs cleared up better.
> 
> ...


Hang in there, Pecos; my thoughts are with you as I'm sure others from here.


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## PamfromTx (Oct 18, 2020)

*You and your brother are in my thoughts and prayers, @Pecos.*


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## Aunt Marg (Oct 18, 2020)

Pecos said:


> Thanks for asking, this is a tough one for me and the support that I am getting from you and others on the forum means a great deal.
> 
> We seem to be in a state of limbo for lack of a better way of putting it. After the roller coaster ride, the Doctors  decided that they would not operate until my brother's lungs got cleaned up better. They gave him medications, including patches to help him stop smoking and sent him home with instructions to also stop the heavy drinking. Fifty five years of heavy smoking and heavy drinking is hard to overcome. They will not operate until he gets his lungs cleared up better.
> 
> ...


Thank you for the update, Pecos.

One thing I have learned in life, we cannot change people who don't want to be changed, but we can give them our love and wish them well.


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## Ruthanne (Oct 19, 2020)

Pecos said:


> Update.
> My brothers treatment plan has been a roller coaster ride. In addition to having been moved between hospitals a couple of times, his Doctors have gone from Stents, To Triple Bypass, to treatment with drugs alone, back to stents with drugs, and now treatment with drugs alone.
> 
> A big part of the problem is that he has been a life long heavy smoker and his lungs are a mess that have to be cleared out before they move forward. He also had a seizure on the day they were  preparing him for the open heart surgery and that scared the Doctors. Additionally, he has had 2 or 3 minor heart attacks in the hospital.
> ...


I'm sorry I haven't responded sooner but I have been reading and you and your brother are in my prayers.


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## MickaC (Oct 19, 2020)

@Pecos   So sad that your update of your brother isn't what was hoped.
Must be very hard to watch self destruction.
My prayers, hopes and thoughts are with you.
Take care.


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## Pinky (Oct 19, 2020)

Hoping your brother will have an epiphany, Pecos .. if he gets to feeling bad enough, it's a possibility he may straighten up. I know it's difficult for you, as his big brother.
❤


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## AnnieA (Oct 19, 2020)

Sad to read the latest update and that it doesn't sound as though your brother is going to meet the conditions set forth by his doctors.  Been there, done that with family members and it is heart breaking to watch a person self destruct.


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## Gary O' (Oct 19, 2020)

Pecos said:


> As GaryO told me earlier, sometimes all we can do is pray and hope for the best





Ruthanne said:


> you and your brother are in my prayers





MickaC said:


> My prayers, hopes and thoughts are with you.





pamelasmithwick said:


> You and your brother are in my thoughts and prayers



Prayers are huge
Funny how we sometimes think that's a sorta last result

I used to brush that prayer crap off like it was a wussy attempt at hope

No more

Had too many answered

But, there is that power of choice we all have

This is where hope comes in
Hoping Pecos' little brother comes to his senses and makes some good choices

Life is short enough


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## SeaBreeze (Oct 19, 2020)

Pecos said:


> Thanks for asking, this is a tough one for me and the support that I am getting from you and others on the forum means a great deal.
> 
> We seem to be in a state of limbo for lack of a better way of putting it. After the roller coaster ride, the Doctors  decided that they would not operate until my brother's lungs got cleaned up better. They gave him medications, including patches to help him stop smoking and sent him home with instructions to also stop the heavy drinking. Fifty five years of heavy smoking and heavy drinking is hard to overcome. They will not operate until he gets his lungs cleared up better.
> 
> ...


Pecos, I'm sorry to hear that your brother went to a club right away after discharge, very sad, my heart goes out to you for having to watch him deteriorate like this.  Addiction, especially after so many years, is hard to stop if the person isn't ready to and willing to do what is needed.  I understand why the doctors want his lungs clear before they attempt any surgery.  You both are in my thoughts, wishing the best for him.


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## Gary O' (Oct 19, 2020)

Pinky said:


> .. if he gets to feeling bad enough, it's a possibility he may straighten up


That's a very real hope

Here's to hoping that *'bad enough'* ain't too late




Pecos said:


> The very evening after they discharged him, he called me from outside a club where he was going to meet some of his buddies.


I kinda get that
It's a* 'I'M NOT DEAD YET!'* thing
Like some sorta unkillable hero

I've had a few friends like that
Sadly, they're no more


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## Sneaky Pete (Oct 19, 2020)

I would imagine that you did suggest that he admits himself to a rehab? Does he even care what happens to himself? Does he show any concern? 

Don't take this the wrong way, but I feel that people like your brother are very selfish. They only care and do what they believe is in their best interest. They forget about the people they leave behind and the painful misery and sadness that others must go through, only because they didn't give it (life saving efforts) their best endeavor. If he wants to live, he must quit those habits, which have put him on his death bed, otherwise, there is no other help available. 

I'm a new guy here, so maybe I'm speaking out of turn, so please excuse me if I am.


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## Pecos (Oct 19, 2020)

Sneaky Pete said:


> I would imagine that you did suggest that he admits himself to a rehab? Does he even care what happens to himself? Does he show any concern?
> 
> Don't take this the wrong way, but I feel that people like your brother are very selfish. They only care and do what they believe is in their best interest. They forget about the people they leave behind and the painful misery and sadness that others must go through, only because they didn't give it (life saving efforts) their best endeavor. If he wants to live, he must quit those habits, which have put him on his death bed, otherwise, there is no other help available.
> 
> I'm a new guy here, so maybe I'm speaking out of turn, so please excuse me if I am.


I don't think that you are speaking out of turn. You make some good points and I will have to ponder them for a bit. Sometimes we are too close to a situation to see an underlying truth. 

By the way, welcome aboard.


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## old medic (Oct 20, 2020)

I'm sorry to hear your Brother has choose the road you dont feel is his best,
But again it is his road to walk.... 
Add our prayers to the list


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## hellomimi (Nov 8, 2020)

Pecos said:


> Thanks for asking, this is a tough one for me and the support that I am getting from you and others on the forum means a great deal.
> 
> We seem to be in a state of limbo for lack of a better way of putting it. After the roller coaster ride, the Doctors  decided that they would not operate until my brother's lungs got cleaned up better. They gave him medications, including patches to help him stop smoking and sent him home with instructions to also stop the heavy drinking. Fifty five years of heavy smoking and heavy drinking is hard to overcome. They will not operate until he gets his lungs cleared up better.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the update. I feel for you and have been in a similar situation where I was helpless and frustrated knowing I have no control of someone's actions. Remember the saying you can lead a horse to water but can't make them drink?

You've done your part brother. Now it's up to him. Sending you positive thoughts for peace in your ❤.


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## Aneeda72 (Dec 10, 2020)

How is your brother doing now?


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## Kathleen’s Place (Dec 10, 2020)

Pecos said:


> My youngest brother (71) had a heart attack in the early morning hours of 29 August and managed to get emergency services to get him to a hospital fairly quickly. The doctors determined that he needed to have a stent put in and they scheduled him for this operation the next morning. I was able to talk to him right after they had done their initial prep work and he was coherent and in good spirits but was already under the influence of the drugs. The operation did not happen as he started having breathing problems and they decided to stabilize him before moving forward. He is still in ICU. We do not know if his situation is complicated by COVID.
> 
> I and my other brother (73) are very worried and good information seems to be very hard to get. My youngest brother is in Oregon and had to evacuate because of the fires. He was exposed to a lot of smoke.
> 
> ...


Pecos, like everyone else, I am so saddened to read this news. From August 29 to still be in ICU is almost unheard of so something must be going on. The lack of communication would drive me crazy, but I guess somewhat understandable with covid and hippa etc. I will most definitely keep your brother in my prayers, and you and the other siblings as well. Wish I could do more, but hey, I’m Irish and praying is what we do and do well


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## Pecos (Dec 10, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> How is your brother doing now?


I talked to him yesterday. He is at home but is making very little progress in stopping smoking, but that is how he is calling the shots on this one. My middle brother and I are pretty frustrated with him not doing what he needs to do. His Doctors are not pleased with him either. His heart surgery simply isn't going to take place until his lungs get cleaned up.


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## MarciKS (Dec 10, 2020)

*hugs Pecos*


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## Tish (Dec 10, 2020)

I do hope he can give up the cigarettes, it must be hell on Earth for you to watch.
Praying for you.


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## Aneeda72 (Dec 10, 2020)

Pecos said:


> I talked to him yesterday. He is at home but is making very little progress in stopping smoking, but that is how he is calling the shots on this one. My middle brother and I are pretty frustrated with him not doing what he needs to do. His Doctors are not pleased with him either. His heart surgery simply isn't going to take place until his lungs get cleaned up.


I really feel for your brother and understand how hard it is for him.  Giving up smoking, for him, is just as hard as giving up sugar and limiting carbs is for me.  Look at the people who eat in at a restaurant and risk lifelong illness or death.  I am frustrated that my son and his girlfriend felt a burger and malt were worth getting COVID-19.  But I would never say anything.

I know you, and your brother, are frustrated because you love him, as I am frustrated as well, because I love them.  It is so frigtening to think they might die, could die.  But we must never show our frustration, IMO.  Love and support them, it is all we can do.

Life is such a struggle for us all at this time.  Stay well @Pecos


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## win231 (Dec 10, 2020)

Pecos said:


> I talked to him yesterday. He is at home but is making very little progress in stopping smoking, but that is how he is calling the shots on this one. My middle brother and I are pretty frustrated with him not doing what he needs to do. His Doctors are not pleased with him either. His heart surgery simply isn't going to take place until his lungs get cleaned up.


Quitting smoking is very difficult & painful; been there.  He probably realizes it wouldn't do much good at this point, so why suffer any more than he has to.


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## Jules (Dec 10, 2020)

”I’m not my brother’s keeper”. It’s his decision.  It won’t make you less sad.


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## Pecos (Feb 22, 2021)

Just closing the loop on this old thread.

I talked to my younger brother a couple of days ago and he is actually feeling better. He still has not completely stopped smoking, he still drinks a little and he now refuses to take any of the medications that his Doctors have prescribed for him. He may never get the bypass operation that they keep telling him he needs.

Go figure! It is almost mysterious that he is still alive.


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## Gaer (Feb 22, 2021)

Oh Pecos!  How wonderful!  
Now we have to get YOU out of trouble with our prayers!


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## Murrmurr (Feb 22, 2021)

Pecos said:


> Just closing the loop on this old thread.
> 
> I talked to my younger brother a couple of days ago and he is actually feeling better. He still has not completely stopped smoking, he still drinks a little and he now refuses to take any of the medications that his Doctors have prescribed for him. He may never get the bypass operation that they keep telling him he needs.
> 
> Go figure! It is almost mysterious that he is still alive.


Stubbornness, apparently.


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## Ruth n Jersey (Feb 22, 2021)

@Pecos so sorry to hear this. There is still hope. I had the same thing happen in my family. After years of alcohol and smoking he was just about forced into rehab. The first time it didn't last. He was readmitted and its been over ten years without a drink. He quite smoking a bit late and his lungs aren't top notch but he is with us and feeling better even with the chronic problems he has. 
I can't say enough about good rehab and the fact that none of the rest of the family buckled under his false promises which is a big factor in recovery but very hard to do.
My best to you and your family, who I believe, suffer more than the person themselves.


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## Phoenix (Feb 22, 2021)

I'm so glad your brother is better.  Do you have any idea why he's not taking the meds?  Do you have any idea how he thinks?  Maybe he would just rather fade away.


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## MickaC (Feb 22, 2021)

@Pecos    You've done the best you can and more.
The cards are in his hands......hope he deals a hand for better......not worse.
Time for you to go back caring for yourself.


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## Pecos (Feb 22, 2021)

Phoenix said:


> I'm so glad your brother is better.  Do you have any idea why he's not taking the meds?  Do you have any idea how he thinks?  Maybe he would just rather fade away.


He tells me that the Medes make him feel like crap, and I guess that some do. As far as the way he thinks, that has always been a bit of a mystery. I suspect that in many ways he is brilliant, but he is also pretty stubborn.


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## mellowyellow (Feb 22, 2021)

Would appreciate an update, if and when you get one.


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## hellomimi (Feb 23, 2021)

@Pecos, you've done your part brother. Let the chips fall where it should.

I've been in situations like this with a loved one. The more I tried to get them out of trouble, the deeper they seemed to get into it. I asked myself if I'm enabling them. I got a resounding YES! I leaned back even if it hurts. We can only do so much for a person.


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## Pecos (Apr 2, 2021)

My middle brother called me this morning and told me that Jim, our youngest brother, died in his sleep at his home in Oregon and was not found until yesterday. When his phone wasn't being answered and he didn't come up on his HAM radio for a few days, his stepson and his ham buddies went to his house and with the police found him in bed. At this point it looks like he had a heart attack.

Two weeks ago his doctor told him that he was doing fine and making good progress. Jim did not completely stop smoking or drinking like he was supposed to, but he had cut back a lot. Up until the night of his death, he was living his life the way he always had and enjoying himself on the air and going out to area clubs where he was a known flirt and a reasonably good dancer. Sudden heart attacks can just pop up unexpectedly anytime.

Jim was always a lot of fun and was a good brother. He was a great guy to go fishing or camping with. We will miss him and the jokes that he loved to tell, especially after a couple of beers.

His stepson, Mike, is handling things at the moment and my middle brother and I have a lot of confidence in him.

Please wish him a warm welcome into the Pearly Gates. Heaven has gained another avid joke teller.


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## Aunt Marg (Apr 2, 2021)

I am very sorry to hear of the sad news, Pecos.

Warm and caring thoughts to you and your family.


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## MickaC (Apr 2, 2021)

@Pecos 
I'm so Sorry to hear about your brother.....a never ending heartful loss.
I wish him a safe journey to and through the Pearly Gates.
Take care through this loss.


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## OneEyedDiva (Apr 2, 2021)

I'm so sorry to read this DF!! May Jim Rest in Paradise. It seems like he spent his last days doing the things he loved to do and didn't suffer. It's a good thing his step son was keeping close tabs on him and can be trusted to handle things. You and your family have my heartfelt  
condolences. May happy memories of your brother bring comfort and peace.


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## Judycat (Apr 2, 2021)

So sorry for the unexpected loss of your brother.


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## Ruth n Jersey (Apr 2, 2021)

I'm so very sorry for your loss.  Wishing you and your family my sincere condolences during this difficult time.


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## AnnieA (Apr 2, 2021)

Prayers for you and yours, @Pecos.  So glad you have wonderful memories and that Jim didn't spend his last days hospitalized and hooked to monitors and tubes.


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## Ruthanne (Apr 2, 2021)

So sorry for your loss.


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## Jules (Apr 2, 2021)

Sympathies for your loss, Pecos.  Your brother lived his life on his modified terms at the end.


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## RadishRose (Apr 2, 2021)

@Pecos, you and your family have my deepest sympathy. May you be comforted in your loss. 

Hugs to (((you))), my friend.


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## Pinky (Apr 2, 2021)

So sorry for your loss, @Pecos. Your brother sounds as though he was quite the character, and you have good memories of years past.

 Much love and hugs to you.


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## officerripley (Apr 2, 2021)

So sorry, Pecos; condolences & hugs to you and your family.


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## Ken N Tx (Apr 2, 2021)

So sorry for your loss.


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## Gaer (Apr 2, 2021)

Pecos,I'm so sorry!  keephim in your prayers.  He will hear you!


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## Lewkat (Apr 2, 2021)

Prayers for you and your family at this sad time, Pecos.


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## Keesha (Apr 2, 2021)

I’m so sorry for the loss of your brother Pecos.
My heart is with you.


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 2, 2021)

@Pecos, my condolences to you and your family for the loss of your brother, very sad to hear...hugs.  May he rest peacefully.


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## Aunt Bea (Apr 2, 2021)

So sorry for your loss.


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## Shalimar (Apr 2, 2021)

Pecos, my heart goes out to you and your family during this time of loss. Sending love and support.


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## HazyDavey (Apr 2, 2021)

Pecos, very sad to read of your brother's passing. He sounds like someone I would have really enjoyed knowing. Please accept my condolences. Take Care.


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## PamfromTx (Apr 2, 2021)

*@Pecos *

*I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.  My condolences to you and the family.  May your brother be resting in peace.*

​


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## Kaila (Apr 2, 2021)

@Pecos 
You are always so caring toward others, here at SF.
We all send you our caring, now.


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## hollydolly (Apr 2, 2021)

Oh dear Pecos..I'm sure your heart is breaking .. condolences my friend...


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## mellowyellow (Apr 2, 2021)

So sorry Pecos


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## digifoss (Apr 2, 2021)

I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your brother Pecos.   You have my sincere condolences.


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## Pam (Apr 2, 2021)




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## StarSong (Apr 3, 2021)

I'm so sorry about your brother's passing.  Losing a loved one is always a shock, even when it isn't completely unexpected.
My condolences to you and your family.


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## Devi (Apr 3, 2021)

Ditto here. Condolences to you all.


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## hellomimi (Apr 25, 2021)

I'm sorry for your loss brother. What a way to go! Jim may have done something good for such a peaceful transition from this life to the next.


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