# The End of Maxine --- sums it all up!



## tnthomas (Jun 15, 2015)

As we progress into 2015, I want to thank you for
your educational e-mails over the past year. I am
totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.
*
I can no longer open a bathroom door *without  using
a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in
my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on
the lemon  peel.
*
I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread *because I  can
only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
*
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because* I
can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have
consumed over the years.
*
I can't touch any woman's  handbag *for fear she has placed
it on the floor of a public  toilet.
*
I must send my special thanks *for the email about rat poo 
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet
sponge with every envelope that needs  sealing.
*
ALSO,*now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for
the same reason.
*
I can't use cancer-causing deodorants *even though I smell
like a water buffalo on a hot  day.
*
Thanks to you *I have learned that my prayers only get answered
if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish
within five minutes.
*
Because of your concern, *I no longer drink Coca Cola because 
it can remove toilet  stains.
*
I no longer buy *fuel without taking someone  along to watch the car,
so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
*
I no longer use  Cling Wrap *in the microwave because it causes 
seven different types of cancer.
*
And thanks for letting me know *I can't boil a cup of water 
in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face,
disfiguring me for life.
*
I no longer go to  the cinema *because I could be pricked with a 
needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.
*
I no longer go to shopping  centers *because someone will drug 
me with a perfume sample and rob me..



 And *I no longer answer the phone because *someone will ask 
me to dial a number for which I will get a  huge phone bill with
calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.
*
And thanks to your great advice *I can't ever pick up a 
dime coin dropped in the car park because it was  probably
placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.
*
I can't do any gardening *because I'm afraid I'll get bitten
by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.
*If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in
the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land  
on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the
fleas  from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you 
to grow a hairy  hump. I know this will occur because it 
actually happened to a  friend of my next door neighbor's 
ex mother-in-law's second  husband's cousin's best friend's 
beautician!*


*Oh, and by the way...*


*A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy  study, 
has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity  
read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.*


*Don't  bother taking it off now, it's too late.*


*P. S. I now keep my  toothbrush in the living room, because 
I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out
of the toilet..* 
*
NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY.*


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