# What are your triggers? The things that set you off the most.



## Shalimar (Nov 7, 2020)

Ok. We all have things that tend to stretch our tolerance to the max. Currently exacerbated by Covid. For example, I find myself increasingly annoyed by people who are constantly angry and self centred. Bad enough before the plague, now, potentially  lethal, particularly if they refuse to wear masks, or practice social distancing.  Of course, raging men trigger me big time  even without the present virus restrictions. Frankly, I am not pleased with anyone who seems to be a temper looking for a tantrum.  It can result in violence or worse.


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## Ronni (Nov 7, 2020)

"A temper looking for a tantrum!"       I've never heard that expression before, but you can be sure I'm going to steal it!!

Negative people make me crazy.  While I'm not rainbows and unicorns about everything, I do tend towards optimism, and I'm always realistic. I look for the upside to any situation, no matter how upsetting or dire.  But man, my ex was one of the most negative people I've ever met!! e.g. if a car repair came out less than quoted "well, they're obviously using cheap material and did a shoddy job."  If it came out more "they've padded their price and overcharged us." If it was on the nose "they"ve done a mediocre job and it'll just break again."  He was like this about everything!  

Self centered/selfish/self focused/narcissistic people are very triggering for me.  I am sometimes astounded at the lack of sensitivity to others that some folks exhibit!  I find it both embarrassing if I witness it happening to a friend and angered at the apparent callousness, while at the same time I experience those physiological symptoms I associate with being genuinely triggered.   A lifetime of experience though has taught me, for the most part, to differentiate between genuinely self focused/narcissistic type people, and those who are just thoughtless in that moment.  The former is a chronic pattern of behavior, the latter is an accident.


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## needshave (Nov 7, 2020)

People who have no consideration for the health of others, who do not wear a mask, and those that had a mask on but because I have one on, decide its ok to take theirs off because I have one on. Additionally those that challenge the decision by others to simply wear a mask. It's all very disturbing.


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## Pinky (Nov 7, 2020)

People who twist everything in order to blame others for their negative actions.


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## AnnieA (Nov 7, 2020)

"Othering" and our polarized society, especially self-righteousness in the guise of tolerance.   Part of my young, city years were spent at an inner city Methodist church (Wells UMC) with a very liberal mindset for that place and time.  Our pastor, Keith Tonkel, warned us repeatedly that it was easy to judge the obviously self-righteousness against progress but in the process, we ourselves were becoming self-righteousness.   That was twenty plus years ago and the problem has only worsened on both 'sides,' especially this year.

Keith passed away several years ago.    He left a wonderful legacy for those who knew him. I only wish he had written an instruction manuel so others could learn from his love and wisdom. He did publish a couple of volumes of poetry.

One of Keith's untitled poems:

Labels divide.
We should not be afraid
to declare our points of view
to give names to our ideas.

All too often, however,
we force people into labels:
Liberal or conservative,
fundamentalist or evangelical
faithful or sinful,
something or nothing,
and countless shades of in between.

Excuse my reluctance
to buy neat categories.
I find myself
some of this,
and that,
and the other.

Which, they say,
Makes me ‘suspect.’
Suspect I am,
for my head and heart
will not allow
the confining definitions.

I’m more of one thing
than the other,
and choose to live
In a strong faith and value place.

Definitions don’t define,
and designations don’t explain,
and labels don’t describe.

Not to me,
not in matters of the head
and heart.
Wear your label
if you must,
I can live
in the ‘exodus’ space.


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## MarciKS (Nov 7, 2020)

I have too many triggers to mention. I will just say this...this is why I prefer to live alone and stay away from people. LOL


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## Gary O' (Nov 7, 2020)

Shalimar said:


> I am not pleased with anyone who seems to be a temper looking for a tantrum. It can result in violence or worse.



Who? Moi?







(Hee hee)
I can do this because Shali has me on ignore

I still like her though


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## StarSong (Nov 7, 2020)

People who don't accept accept any responsibility for the situations in which they find themselves.

Also those who complain endlessly about something but refuse to do anything to remedy the problem.


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## Tommy (Nov 7, 2020)

I respectfully submit that the opposite of "angry and self-centered" is "calm and self-sacrificing".  May we each try to find it in ourselves to have a calm, understanding, self-sacrificing heart during these difficult times.


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## ClassicRockr (Nov 7, 2020)

All of the protesting, with looting and setting fires, that is done by young folks. Protesting is one thing, but looting and burning is another.

And then, blame everything on law enforcement. Call 911, nobody answers, THEN how will you feel???


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## Shalimar (Nov 7, 2020)

Tommy said:


> I respectfully submit that the opposite of "angry and self-centered" is "calm and self-sacrificing".  May we each try to find it in ourselves to have a calm, understanding, self-sacrificing heart during these difficult times.


Ohhhh. Thank you for that, it made me tear up. I am touched by your humanity. I have had a gruelling work week, this put things in perspective and lifted me up.


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## Aneeda72 (Nov 7, 2020)

Yup, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said to my husband “could you just for once take responsibility for something you’ve done?”  Nope never.  Now, instead of him giving me one of his excuses for what happened; when he starts I list all the ”pat” excuses he uses and I ask him to choose which one he wants to use this time.

He looks at me, shakes his head, and walks away muttering under his breathe.  This has cut down on a lot of our arguments.


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## Aneeda72 (Nov 7, 2020)

ClassicRockr said:


> All of the protesting, with looting and setting fires, that is done by young folks. Protesting is one thing, but looting and burning is another.
> 
> And then, blame everything on law enforcement. Call 911, nobody answers, THEN how will you feel???


So does showing compassion and understanding for law breakers trigger you @ClassicRockr


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## Ronni (Nov 7, 2020)

ClassicRockr said:


> All of the protesting, with looting and setting fires, that is done by young folks. Protesting is one thing, but looting and burning is another.


It’s not just young folks Cody. Yeah they’re certainly in the majority but I’ve seen countless photos in which middle aged and senior fools were right there along with the youngsters. 

Foolishness, stupidity, irresponsibility, arrogance etc don’t have age limits


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## Shalimar (Nov 7, 2020)

Ronni said:


> It’s not just young folks Cody. Yeah they’re certainly in the majority but I’ve seen countless photos in which middle aged and senior fools were right there along with the youngsters.
> 
> Foolishness, stupidity, irresponsibility, arrogance etc don’t have age limits


Qft.


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## Aneeda72 (Nov 7, 2020)

Shalimar said:


> Qft.


What does QFT mean?


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## Shalimar (Nov 7, 2020)

It means quoted for truth


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## win231 (Nov 7, 2020)

Anybody who tries to rip me off.  Especially big enterprises like the DWP & the County Tax Assessor's Office who try just because they think they can.
I _always _make sure they regret it.


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## Aunt Marg (Nov 7, 2020)

- Those who think they're better than everyone (and act/practice it)
- Rude people
- People who pretend you can count on them during times of need, but when push comes to shove you learn that you can't
- People, who while shopping, act and do as if they are the only ones in the isle and store! MAJOR trigger for me!


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## AnnieA (Nov 7, 2020)

Aunt Marg said:


> - People, who while shopping, act and do as if they are the only ones in the isle and store! MAJOR trigger for me!



Oh, yes!!!!  Especially family groups that walk side by side and spread out over the whole aisle when one in the group stops for something.


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## Meanderer (Nov 7, 2020)

Tommy said:


> I respectfully submit that the opposite of "angry and self-centered" is "calm and self-sacrificing".  May we each try to find it in ourselves to have a calm, understanding, self-sacrificing heart during these difficult times.


@Tommy , you are on target with your post!  Thank you.  In my own case, I do try not to react, in a knee-jerk kind of way, but rather to respond in a settled sort of way.  I don't always succeed, but when I do I find the results to be quite rewarding.


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## Aunt Marg (Nov 7, 2020)

AnnieA said:


> Oh, yes!!!!  Especially family groups that walk side by side and spread out over the whole aisle when one in the group stops for something.


I was following a woman who was walking without a shopping cart, and she knew darned well that I was right hot on her heels, but do you think she'd step to the side for me push past her with my cart? Nope.

So what does the woman proceed to do? She walks straight down the isle (dead centre) as if she was looking for attention, and when I go to push past her, she pretends that she's surprised by my presence and says "oh, excuse me" and apologies, and as I give her a smug look, she proceeds to say to me, "and you can apologize to me, too".

_Not likely_ I thought, as I pushed on.


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## Camper6 (Nov 7, 2020)

My trigger is when someone brings up something that supposedly happened 40 years ago and makes an accusation without any proof. 

Come on man. 40 years ago and you bring it up now?  And when I say why didn't you say something 40 years ago, the reply is, I just found out about it.  And the source? They can't tell you because it's a secret.  Go away.  Do not pass Jail, do not collect $200.00.


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## Murrmurr (Nov 7, 2020)

Takes a lot to set me off (assuming that means pushing me to fight mode), but what frustrates me the most and can ruin my day (for about 15 minutes) is when people don't listen to me - dismiss everything I say because I'm old, when they should listen to me because I'm old. It's like it doesn't even occur to them that I have experience and knowledge. I don't understand how people can think their lives are so unique when in fact nothing is happening to them that hasn't happened before.


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## MarciKS (Nov 7, 2020)

Or when no one wants to hear what you have to say.


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## Lewkat (Nov 7, 2020)

Indifference can drive me batty.


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## win231 (Nov 7, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> Or when no one wants to hear what you have to say.


Especially when you ask someone a question or you want to discuss something & they reply:  "I don't want to get into it."


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## Pappy (Nov 7, 2020)

Holding a door open for someone and they can’t bother to say thank you. So I say it and usually get a dirty look.


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## 911 (Nov 7, 2020)

I must be living on Lidocaine. Nothing seems to trigger me into an angry rut. I seldom get angry and in fact, my wife tells me all the time that I’m not normal because I don’t get mad about anything.

Last week she told me would I please get mad just once so that she knows that I’m not a droid.


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## debodun (Nov 7, 2020)

People that have a case of a badly in-grown sense of entitlement. The example list is endless.


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## AnnieA (Nov 7, 2020)

win231 said:


> Especially when you ask someone a question or you want to discuss something & they reply:  "I don't want to get into it."



Oops!  I say that to my guy best friend  fairly often.   Had to call him today and he was in the middle of a project so, thankfully, it was a brief conversation given current events.  Let's just say he wouldn't last a day at SF.


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## HazyDavey (Nov 7, 2020)

Cruelty to animals, I have no tolerance for it. 
It's really hard for me to watch those animal commercials on tv, sad ..


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## Aunt Marg (Nov 8, 2020)

Pappy said:


> Holding a door open for someone and they can’t bother to say thank you. So I say it and usually get a dirty look.


Times sure have changed in that regard, haven't they, Paps?

Holding doors open for others... saying "excuse me" when cutting in front of somebody at the grocers... saying "please and thank you"... and referring to others by their name.

All seems to have escaped today's (full of themselves) generation.


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## Gaer (Nov 8, 2020)

Guess I must be one of those weird people who are unaffected by others.  Nothing angers me.  I am saddened and mystified  by people's ignorant  words and actions at times but I try to understand why they are behaving that way.  I don't understand evil, greed  and corruption or hatred, but it brings sadness, not anger.


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## MarciKS (Nov 8, 2020)

I'm adding not having TP at the store as a trigger.


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## Aunt Marg (Nov 8, 2020)

Gaer said:


> Guess I must be one of those weird people who are unaffected by others.  Nothing angers me.  I am saddened and mystified  by people's ignorant  words and actions at times but I try to understand why they are behaving that way.  I don't understand evil, greed  and corruption, but it brings sadness, not anger.


You are a true Master of Zen, Gaer.

I envy you. As much as I try to be like you, I fail, and in a big way, and so quickly, too. On some fronts, what used to bother me in my younger years, no longer bothers me, yet some things I never gave so much as a thought to in my youngers, push me over the edge now.


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## Aunt Marg (Nov 8, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> I'm adding not having TP at the store as a trigger.


That's not a trigger, that's a wipe-out!


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## Pappy (Nov 8, 2020)

Aunt Marg said:


> Times sure have changed in that regard, haven't they, Paps?
> 
> Holding doors open for others... saying "excuse me" when cutting in front of somebody at the grocers... saying "please and thank you"... and referring to others by their name.
> 
> All seems to have escaped today's (full of themselves) generation.



I was taught at a very young age to do these things. Heck, I even call someone younger than me ‘sir.”


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## Aunt Marg (Nov 8, 2020)

Pappy said:


> I was taught at a very young age to do these things. Heck, I even call someone younger than me ‘sir.”


My husband is the same, and me, too. 

Some things old-fashioned never go out of fashion. Good on you, Paps!


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## Nathan (Nov 8, 2020)

Shalimar said:


> What are your triggers? The things that set you off the most.



...drivers that pass you on the right shoulder and cut in front then slow down.
...jackasses that don't wear a mask....store managers that don't take action when a jackass isn't wearing a mask.
...whole wheat bread, I love whole wheat bread but it triggers my IBS.


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## Shalimar (Nov 8, 2020)

Aunt Marg said:


> Times sure have changed in that regard, haven't they, Paps?
> 
> Holding doors open for others... saying "excuse me" when cutting in front of somebody at the grocers... saying "please and thank you"... and referring to others by their name.
> 
> All seems to have escaped today's (full of themselves) generation.


Hmm. My experience is a bit different. Many of my clients are between 18 and 35, male and female. They don’t behave like this, nor do the university students I teach. They are courteous, well behaved, concerned about climate change and people in need. They are not full of themselves,  students are either trying to better place themselves to deal with the new normal of

the Covid plague and its effect on jobs etc, or deal with the loss of family and friends because of the virus. My trauma clients are searching for ways to cope during these frightening times. We older people have always found fault with the young, going back to ancient times. Writings have

been discovered in Greece, Rome, etc, thousands of years old, bemoaning how rude young people were. Some young people are rude, thoughtless, but not the majority. No more so than middle aged or elderly people are. Some of the rudest, most entitled people I have met have been middle aged and old men and women.  But only a small proportion, people are individuals.
Also, many of these younger people volunteer to shop for those stuck at home due to risk factors  re the virus. They do it for free.


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## Aunt Marg (Nov 8, 2020)

Shalimar said:


> Hmm. My experience is a bit different. Many of my clients are between 18 and 35, male and female. They don’t behave like this, nor do the university students I teach. They are courteous, well behaved, concerned about climate change and people in need. They are not full of themselves,  students are either trying to better place themselves to deal with the new normal of
> 
> the Covid plague and its effect on jobs etc, or deal with the loss of family and friends because of the virus. My trauma clients are searching for ways to cope during this frightening time. Older generations have always found fault with the young, going back to ancient times. Writings have
> 
> been discovered in Greece, Rome, etc, bemoaning how rude young people were. Some young people are rude, thoughtless, but not the majority. No more so than middle aged or elderly people are. Some of the rudest, most entitled people I have met have been middle aged and old men and women But only a small proportion, people are individuals


I have to say I'm taken aback by your post, but am encouraged by it.

My husband recently dressed-down a police officer for failing to say thank you him for holding the door open for him.


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## Shalimar (Nov 8, 2020)

Aunt Marg said:


> I have to say I'm taken aback by your post, but am encouraged by it.
> 
> My husband recently dressed-down a police officer for failing to say thank you him for holding the door open for him.


Good for your husband! The officer was remiss. I am  delighted you feel encouraged by my comments. I wish you could meet some of my young people. They are golden


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## Aunt Marg (Nov 8, 2020)

Shalimar said:


> Good for your husband! The officer was remiss. I am  delighted you feel encouraged by my comments. I wish you could meet some of my young people. They are golden


I'll bet they are, Shalimar, and just knowing the way you are, I would expect nothing less.


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## Robert59 (Nov 8, 2020)

Kids with huge Truck's trying to run me down when I cross the road to get my mail. Instead of them slowing down they speed up. Thank God I don't own a gun. I live on very busy road with people driving between 50-80 MPH.


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## Shalimar (Nov 8, 2020)

Aunt Marg said:


> I'll bet they are, Shalimar, and just knowing the way you are, I would expect nothing less.


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## Shalimar (Nov 8, 2020)

Robert59 said:


> Kids with huge Truck's trying to run me down when I cross the road to get my mail. Instead of them slowing down they speed up. Thank God I don't own a gun. I live on very busy road with people driving between 50-80 MPH.


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## Aunt Marg (Nov 8, 2020)

Robert59 said:


> Kids with huge Truck's trying to run me down when I cross the road to get my mail. Instead of them slowing down they speed up. *Thank God I don't own a gun*. I live on very busy road with people driving between 50-80 MPH.


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## grahamg (Nov 8, 2020)

Aunt Marg said:


> Times sure have changed in that regard, haven't they, Paps?
> 
> Holding doors open for others... saying "excuse me" when cutting in front of somebody at the grocers... saying "please and thank you"... and referring to others by their name.
> 
> All seems to have escaped today's (full of themselves) generation.



I bet if I tried really hard I could annoy you by holding every door open, saying "excuse me" ad nauseum, saying "please and thank you" till you think you've gone mad.........., but other than that I'm completely with you  !


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## Nathan (Nov 8, 2020)

Shalimar said:


> My experience is a bit different. Many of my clients are between 18 and 35, male and female. They don’t behave like this, nor do the university students I teach. They are courteous, well behaved, concerned about climate change and people in need. They are not full of themselves


I think that as "older people" we fall into the same trap as many people-groups do, viewing members of other people-groups in a particular stereotype.   9 out of 10 young people[or, whichever group] may behave just fine, it's that *10th *person that isn't that catches our eye.


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## MarciKS (Nov 8, 2020)

Robert59 said:


> Kids with huge Truck's trying to run me down when I cross the road to get my mail. Instead of them slowing down they speed up. Thank God I don't own a gun. I live on very busy road with people driving between 50-80 MPH.


Robert who is that in your photo?


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## declassified (Nov 8, 2020)

Fireworks, low flying helicopters and suspicious looking people.


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## Tish (Nov 8, 2020)

Cruelty to animals, manipulators, and inconsiderate people who don't wear masks.


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## Robert59 (Nov 8, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> Robert who is that in your photo?


*Yanni Aria*


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## Robert59 (Nov 8, 2020)

Robert59 said:


> Kids with huge Truck's trying to run me down when I cross the road to get my mail. Instead of them slowing down they speed up. Thank God I don't own a gun. I live on very busy road with people driving between 50-80 MPH.


Speed limit on this road of mine is 30. Police has told me just cross the road before rush hour traffic.


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## Judycat (Nov 8, 2020)

People who think I want to hear their BS. I want to bounce their heads off a table, preferably an oak table. People who rant and rave to make a point. I want to point them to the edge of a cliff then push them off.


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## MarciKS (Nov 8, 2020)

Judycat said:


> People who think I want to hear their BS. I want to bounce their heads off a table, preferably an oak table. People who rant and rave to make a point. I want to point them to the edge of a cliff then push them off.


People you know or just anyone? Do they know it's BS?


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## oldman (Nov 8, 2020)

declassified said:


> Fireworks, low flying helicopters and suspicious looking people.


Why?


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## grahamg (Nov 8, 2020)

oldman said:


> Why?


There is said to be only one answer to the eternal question, "Why", (is it a number or something in a SciFi movie, " 6" perhaps?).

Can I have a guess why those three things you questioned might offend?

1). Fireworks, too noisy, set the farmers barn alight, or scare the dogs etc.

2). Helicopters the same, (except the firing the barn bit).

3). Suspicious lookin people, well who's keen on them?


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## Judycat (Nov 8, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> People you know or just anyone? Do they know it's BS?


I should have said people who think I need to hear their BS. 
These are mostly people I don't know. 
No they think the world needs to not only hear their BS, but live by it, so I doubt they know it's BS. 
For instance, There's a guy fixes cars within walking distance from me. I went there once. He fixed my car but I had to listen to his BS the whole time. I wanted to unhook the hood and let it fall on him, but I instead, I take my car somewhere else where the people aren't like that.


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## StarSong (Nov 9, 2020)

As regards getting riled up when people don't thank you for holding open a door or letting them cut ahead in traffic, that might cause me a moment's irritation, but no more.  

I hold a door open or invite someone to go ahead of me not because of who they are but because of who I am, or more accurately who I was raised to be (and hope I sometimes am), and the karma I want to spread in the world.  

Demanding acknowledgement for a good deed strips the kindness from it, making it worse than if you hadn't performed the gesture at all.  
Just IMHO.


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## Aunt Marg (Nov 9, 2020)

StarSong said:


> As regards getting riled up when people don't thank you for holding open a door or letting them cut ahead in traffic, that might cause me a moment's irritation, but no more.
> 
> I hold a door open or invite someone to go ahead of me not because of who they are but because of who I am, or more accurately who I was raised to be (and hope I sometimes am), and the karma I want to spread in the world.
> 
> ...


I didn't see anyone demanding anything here, but do think what a sad state of affairs it is when someone on the receiving end of someone holding a door open for them, can't pull together enough brain cells to conjure up a simple and respectful _thank you_.


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## StarSong (Nov 9, 2020)

Aunt Marg said:


> I didn't see anyone demanding anything here, but do think what a sad state of affairs it is when someone on the receiving end of someone holding a door open for them, can't pull together enough brain cells to conjure up a simple and respectful _thank you_.


I get what you're talking about, and demanding was too strong a word, I agree.  

People are often distracted and may not thank others for small kindnesses. Why not take that in stride? 

Since this thread isn't about* minor annoyances*, which is how I'd classify that kind of societal infraction, but rather about things that are our triggers and set us off the most, I was surprised to learn that so many people are triggered by lack of acknowledgement when holding a door for someone.


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## JimBob1952 (Nov 9, 2020)

I really hate seeing people texting while driving.


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## Pinky (Nov 9, 2020)

JimBob1952 said:


> I really hate seeing people texting while driving.


.. and crossing the street.


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## JimBob1952 (Nov 9, 2020)

Pinky said:


> .. and crossing the street.



The best thing would be for the person texting while driving to bump into (not injure) the person crossing the street while texting.  Maybe then they would learn a lesson.


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## Shalimar (Nov 9, 2020)

JimBob1952 said:


> The best thing would be for the person texting while driving to bump into (not injure) the person crossing the street while texting.  Maybe then they would learn a lesson.


Eek, in some places, that could get you shot.


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## DaveA (Nov 9, 2020)

911 said:


> I must be living on Lidocaine. Nothing seems to trigger me into an angry rut. I seldom get angry and in fact, my wife tells me all the time that I’m not normal because I don’t get mad about anything.
> 
> Last week she told me would I please get mad just once so that she knows that I’m not a droid.


Does she check your pulse at least once a day to make sure that you're still "among the living"?


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## Lakeland living (Nov 9, 2020)

I still hold a door open, it was what I was taught, so long ago now.  Addicted to saying your welcome if there are others around... angry looks, smirks. lol


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## grahamg (Nov 9, 2020)

Lakeland living said:


> I still hold a door open, it was what I was taught, so long ago now.  Addicted to saying your welcome if there are others around... angry looks, smirks. lol


At my godfather's funeral my godmother tried to persuade a good friend of their family who came from Malaysia to sit down, and not get up when another person at the wake came into the room, (especially a woman). He found it almost impossible to do, such was the behaviour he'd been taught in his very respectful culture, and you'd have had to tie him to the chair to stop him at least starting to get up each time!


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## Chet (Nov 9, 2020)

Dog  lovers who let their mutts yap, yap, yap all day long.


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## Aunt Marg (Nov 9, 2020)

Lakeland living said:


> I still hold a door open, it was what I was taught, so long ago now.  Addicted to saying your welcome if there are others around... angry looks, smirks. lol


Good on ya, Lakeland!

You and my hubby would get along well!


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## Robert59 (Nov 9, 2020)

I called the city police about putting up stop signs to slow traffic and they said that doesn't do any good. People run stop signs any more.


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## declassified (Nov 11, 2020)

oldman said:


> Why?


If you lived my life, you would understand.


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## Sassycakes (Nov 11, 2020)

*I usually just ignore things that people say and do that make me angry. What I can't just fluff off is people who are always repeating rumours about someone even if they don't know if it's true. Also, people that make fun of how a child looks and people who don't appreciate someone that has helped them.*


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## bingo (Nov 11, 2020)

Cruelty to animals


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