# Did You Ever Have The Urge to Take Your Own Life....or Somebody Else's?



## SeaBreeze (Oct 3, 2015)

Thankfully I've never had issues with depression, so I never contemplated suicide.  Also, even if I don't like someone, I have no urge to harm them or kill them.

With all the stories in the news lately, it got me to thinking how many of us have such urges.  One little two year old boy was strangled to death by his grown cousin, because he wouldn't take a nap...I don't know the exact story, but that tiny child was killed for no good reason.  

So many these days are committing suicide from some things others are saying on facebook, especially teens...so sad.

Have you ever had the urge to take your own life or someone else's?


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## fureverywhere (Oct 3, 2015)

There have been dark days but number one...by committing suicide you're leaving a legacy in the family. I think other family members, even future generations are affected for life with a suicide. I've also read survivors stories. They decide to end it and there's a moment of lucidity just before you pass out. Just a moment when you realize things might not be unsolvable...then lights out.

Wouldn't that be horrible? Just seconds before you die you realize " Whoa hey, maybe I can figure things out after all".

Then again that applies to depression. I strongly believe in assisted suicide for terminal conditions and would want that option available if I needed it.


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## Underock1 (Oct 3, 2015)

Over my lifetime I have occasionally thought about how my life would be better if a particular individual or two happened to die, and I did "amuse" myself once thinking about how I might go about murdering one individual, but not with any serious intent.

I have hoped to die. I do casually think about ways I could kill myself painlessly when I'm ready to go.
 Not suicidal..yet. Still find the world to be a fascinating place, but at this point in my life, not waking up in the morning would not bother me a bit.


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## jujube (Oct 3, 2015)

I have a certain mental exercise I do when someone is really getting to me.  I envision myself leaning over a clear mountain stream which is running over beautiful river stones, making a wonderful babbling noise.  The air is cool and the sun bearing down on me is warm.  Birds are chirping in the trees.  Through this crystal-clear water I can clearly see the face of the person I'm holding under that water.  Their eyes are bugging out.  They're clearly begging me for mercy.  Will I be merciful?  Will I not?  Ah, that is the question.  

Then I come out of my daydream and can usually resist the urge to slap the s**t out of them.  Ohmmmmmm....ohmmmmmmm...ohmmmmmm.


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## Laurie (Oct 3, 2015)

Yes.

It always annoys me when people say "I'm depressed" when really they're just feeling a bit low.

No-one who has looked into the black gaping maw of clinical depression would ever talk about it lightly.

When, like me, you've burst into tears and started looking at suicide websites because you can't get the top off a jar of jam (jelly) then come and talk to me of depression, and I will try to help you as I was helped.


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## Falcon (Oct 3, 2015)

Never suicide unless I couldn't stand the pain any longer.  I do have a gun though.

Killing other people?  If they're threatening me I'd kill them before they kill me.

I have a few in mind but I won't mention any names.  (They probably know who they are anyway.)


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## AZ Jim (Oct 3, 2015)

Falcon said:


> Never suicide unless I couldn't stand the pain any longer.  I do have a gun though.
> 
> Killing other people?  If they're threatening me I'd kill them before they kill me.
> 
> I have a few in mind but I won't mention any names.  (They probably know who they are anyway.)



You know John, I have no reservations about taking the life of anyone intent on taking the life of me or any innocent nearby.  None.  I have a great love of animals and could never kill one of them unless it was an extreme emergency but a man intent on doing me or others harm, no problem.


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## fureverywhere (Oct 3, 2015)

I agree with Laurie, unless you've been in the very dark place it can be hard to understand. Feel free to PM me if you're ever in need.


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## SifuPhil (Oct 3, 2015)

I've had two suicides in my family and I've personally examined it clinically in myself, mainly how and when. But depression? Never that bad.

Taking other lives? Like Falcon and Jim, I have no problems taking the life of someone who is trying to take mine.


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## oakapple (Oct 3, 2015)

No, never thought of suicide, or been ( clinically) depressed enough to consider it.Had a few daydreams of pushing a couple of people off cliff tops!


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## QuickSilver (Oct 3, 2015)

I can honestly say that I have never thought of harming myself...  Nor have I seriously thought of killing anyone else...  Beating the $hit out of few people HAS crossed my mind though...


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## Shalimar (Oct 3, 2015)

Depression is hell on earth. It hurts to breathe. Frankly I am amazed at the courage of those who manage to survive and cope with it, particularly if it is a cyclical thing. Yes I have been there. Two attempts during my PTSD heyday. Ooh, the pit. But there is a way out of hell. I honour the kindness of those posters who reached out today, offering help to people suffering from depression. I would like to offer mine also. Please pm me if you need to. It is not your fault you feel this way. You are not weak, you matter, your life matters. Clinical depression is treatable--hey, I am living proof! :love_heart:


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## Underock1 (Oct 3, 2015)

jujube said:


> I have a certain mental exercise I do when someone is really getting to me.  I envision myself leaning over a clear mountain stream which is running over beautiful river stones, making a wonderful babbling noise.  The air is cool and the sun bearing down on me is warm.  Birds are chirping in the trees.  Through this crystal-clear water I can clearly see the face of the person I'm holding under that water.  Their eyes are bugging out.  They're clearly begging me for mercy.  Will I be merciful?  Will I not?  Ah, that is the question.
> 
> Then I come out of my daydream and can usually resist the urge to slap the s**t out of them.  Ohmmmmmm....ohmmmmmmm...ohmmmmmm.



:laugh:


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## Sassycakes (Oct 3, 2015)

As depressed as I might feel some days, I have never thought of committing suicide. Mainly because I would never want to hurt my loved ones in that way. My cousin  took her own life many years ago and the family has  never gotten over it. As far as killing someone I usually don't let people get to me in that way. I just walk away. However if someone hurts my family then I don't know what I might do.


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## Cookie (Oct 3, 2015)

I have never had a serious wish to do away with myself or anyone, but have had periods in my life when I was depressed and the difficulties of life were getting me down.  Things eventually resolved and I was able to move on. Surely most people have their downs, sometimes serious ones, usually due to deaths, losses, illness or disappointments.  A friend's father used to say, "Life is not a bowl of cherries, you know".  If not a bowl of cherries, then maybe a bowl of lemons, in which case as the saying goes, try making lemonade, and if that fails, maybe some lemon cake, with a generous sprinkle of humor.


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## Bobw235 (Oct 3, 2015)

Shalimar said:


> Depression is hell on earth. It hurts to breathe. Frankly I am amazed at the courage of those who manage to survive and cope with it, particularly if it is a cyclical thing. Yes I have been there. Two attempts during my PTSD heyday. Ooh, the pit. But there is a way out of hell. I honour the kindness of those posters who reached out today, offering help to people suffering from depression. I would like to offer mine also. Please pm me if you need to. It is not your fault you feel this way. You are not weak, you matter, your life matters. Clinical depression is treatable--hey, I am living proof! :love_heart:



As the spouse of a wife who has had two serious bouts of clinical depression, I too can attest to the fact that treatment works.  Thankfully she's been in a good place for several years.  Before we knew what was wrong, I was very worried that she might try to hurt herself, thus prompting a visit to the Dr. I myself have never been that low, but have had periods when I've been "down" for an extended period.  Never thought about harming myself or someone else, but did think about what if I was no longer around.  Depression sucks, but with medication and a support network, it can (and in the case of my wife) get better, though she may never get off anti-depressants.


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## ~Lenore (Oct 3, 2015)

*Suicide, yes.
Murder, no.
*


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## Butterfly (Oct 3, 2015)

Even in the darkest of days, I've never considered taking my own life.  The ONLY way I can see myself seriously considering it is if I were in intractable physical pain, such as with terminal bone cancer or something similar.  

I agree with QS in that I've never considered actually killing anyone, though, like QS I've fantasized about beating the sh*t out of a couple folks.

Like AZ Jim, I wouldn't hesitate to take the life of someone who was trying to take mine.


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## WhatInThe (Oct 3, 2015)

There are thoughts of murder or suicide then there are the actual steps/planning then doing it. This is what puzzles me about these mass murderers that never did it before yet have no problem stabbing or killing someone, having to see all the blood & gore then do it again. To hear cries for mercy, of pain, of agony, of fear and to be able to kill again. The family murder suicides have to be the toughest on the killer(tough poop) besides the victims. Sometimes I think people kill because the only way they can kill themselves is to commit such a heinous act that suicide or death is the only way out, not just suicide by cop but they need one final push or reason.

I will say I've seen people turn desperate pretty quick turning to drugs, lying, cheating or minor legal fractures which turn into full fledged crime. But it's a process. Some say many drug addicts and alcoholic had their criminal urges in them but the drugs lower their impulse control or nullify their morals center of the brain.

From what I hear the people serious about suicide complete it. Thinking about it's one thing but those who actually complete it were dead serious about it, pun intended.

Personally why bother with suicide or murder when there is always... REVENGE!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=16&v=MSXOIf1YHmo


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## SeaBreeze (Oct 3, 2015)

I would definitely commit suicide if I was very ill, like with a terminal disease.  I was always in favor of Dr. Kervorkian, but if that wasn't an option, I might attempt a clean suicide myself.  When my mother in law was elderly and sickly, she bought the book Final Exit, luckily she never used any information in there to kill herself.  Although I don't ever have an urge to kill anyone, like some others here, I wouldn't hesitate one moment to kill someone who was trying to harm or kill me.


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## SifuPhil (Oct 3, 2015)

_Final Exit_ is a great book.

My biggest fear is not suicide itself but not being able to _commit_ it - I might be stuck in a hospital somewhere.


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## Underock1 (Oct 3, 2015)

SifuPhil said:


> _Final Exit_ is a great book.
> 
> My biggest fear is not suicide itself but not being able to _commit_ it - I might be stuck in a hospital somewhere.



I hear you. Hoping to drop with a thud on my living room floor and not be found for three days.


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## Linda (Oct 3, 2015)

jujube said:


> I have a certain mental exercise I do when someone is really getting to me.  I envision myself leaning over a clear mountain stream which is running over beautiful river stones, making a wonderful babbling noise.  The air is cool and the sun bearing down on me is warm.  Birds are chirping in the trees.  Through this crystal-clear water I can clearly see the face of the person I'm holding under that water.  Their eyes are bugging out.  They're clearly begging me for mercy.  Will I be merciful?  Will I not?  Ah, that is the question.
> 
> Then I come out of my daydream and can usually resist the urge to slap the s**t out of them.  Ohmmmmmm....ohmmmmmmm...ohmmmmmm.



You got me!   I thought you were describing some beautiful meditation you do when people are getting to you and then the last few sentences took care of that.  I love it


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## SifuPhil (Oct 3, 2015)

Underock1 said:


> I hear you. Hoping to drop with a thud on my living room floor and not be found for three days.



Yeah ... and me with no more pets.


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## Warrigal (Oct 3, 2015)

No and no, although there have been times when I wondered whether God might consider making a happy subtraction to the family of man for the sake of the common good.


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## Underock1 (Oct 3, 2015)

Warrigal said:


> No and no, although there have been times when I wondered whether God might consider making a happy subtraction to the family of man for the sake of the common good.



Sometimes religion does have its uses.


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## SifuPhil (Oct 3, 2015)

Underock1 said:


> Sometimes religion does have its uses.



... or His works through the end of a semi-automatic weapon?

Be careful what you wish for ...


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## Warrigal (Oct 3, 2015)

:grin: More than you can imagine, Underock.


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## chic (Oct 4, 2015)

Shalimar said:


> Depression is hell on earth. It hurts to breathe. Frankly I am amazed at the courage of those who manage to survive and cope with it, particularly if it is a cyclical thing. Yes I have been there. Two attempts during my PTSD heyday. Ooh, the pit. But there is a way out of hell. I honour the kindness of those posters who reached out today, offering help to people suffering from depression. I would like to offer mine also. Please pm me if you need to. It is not your fault you feel this way. You are not weak, you matter, your life matters. Clinical depression is treatable--hey, I am living proof! :love_heart:



Congratulations on overcoming your depression Shal. I'm proud of you. It's not easy to do. 

I wouldn't commit suicide unless I was in unbearable pain which could not be relieved and I couldn't take care of myself. It scares me to even think of this.

I've never killed anyone else but ISIS P's me O, and I would defend myself from attackers of any kind - gun weilding or not. I hope I can always muster up this kind of courage as the years of my life roll by.


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## Shalimar (Oct 4, 2015)

Thanks so much for the kind words Chic. I was more fortunate than many. My depression was trauma related rather than biochemical. Easier to overcome.


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## SifuPhil (Oct 4, 2015)

As for killing others ... I wonder how many of the mass murderers ever thought they would do that, and when did they start thinking it?


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## hollydolly (Oct 4, 2015)

*Did You Ever Have The Urge to Take Your Own Life....or Somebody Else's*



Yes and Yes......suffice to say I did neither, but if the same or similar  circumstances were to occur again, I don't think this time I would hesitate to commit the latter..!!


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## boozercruiser (Oct 5, 2015)

My Father commited Suicide by putting his head in a gas oven when I was only seven year old.
I never did get to the bottom of why Dad did that.

Mother, who has left this earth now remarried around 2 years after his death, so I was raised by a Stepfather, who has now also passed away.
Mum went on to have two children by him, and I grew up feeling that they had some favouritism that rankles with me to this day.

Regarding me.
I was aged 30 when my first Wife left me for another bloke.
She had been out all night after telling me that she was going out with the girls.
She telephoned me the next day around 12.00PM to tell me that she had found someone else, and was leaving me.

I just wanted to commit suicide at that point, and actually had a knife in my hand with the intention of slashing my wrists.
But I called the Samaritans, who thankfully talked me out of it.

However, you know what?

If I could see Harry Johnston (you never forget the name of the bloke your Wife goes off with) now I would shake his hand, buy him a few beers, and thank him for going off with my Wife! 

Cheers Harry!


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## Davey Jones (Oct 5, 2015)

I just wish those serving a life term in prison learn the art of suicide.


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## Davey Jones (Oct 5, 2015)

boozercruiser said:


> My Father commited Suicide by putting his head in a gas oven when I was only seven year old.
> I never did get to the bottom of why Dad did that.
> 
> Mother, who has left this earth now remarried around 2 years after his death, so I was raised by a Stepfather, who has now also passed away.
> ...




To think people commit suicide over a women deserve to do away with themselves.   A women??????
Gimme a break.


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## Shalimar (Oct 5, 2015)

Wow Davey, that is harsh.


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## Warrigal (Oct 5, 2015)

Davey is still waiting for his compassion transplant operation.


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## SeaBreeze (Oct 5, 2015)

boozercruiser said:


> My Father commited Suicide by putting his head in a gas oven when I was only seven year old.
> 
> I was aged 30 when my first Wife left me for another bloke.
> She had been out all night after telling me that she was going out with the girls.
> ...



My sympathy for the loss of your father, that's very sad.  Glad you sought help when you thought of doing away with yourself.


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## boozercruiser (Oct 5, 2015)

Warrigal said:


> Davey is still waiting for his compassion transplant operation.



Naaahh. come on guys.
Davy was only trying to make a very poor taste joke there that failed miserably.
Wasn't he
I mean, surely no one on this lovely friendly forum could be so nasty and and heartless and uncaring towards another member.
Could they?
No No No!
Never.
I refuse to believe that people!


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## Shalimar (Oct 5, 2015)

Boozer I too am glad you sought help.


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## boozercruiser (Oct 5, 2015)

Shalimar said:


> Boozer I too am glad you sought help.



Thank you Sea Breeze and Shalimar for your kind words there.
And I am glad I sought help as well.
After all, if I hadn't I wouldn't be sitting here now tapping away at this keyboard.
And I would have missed out on around 35 years of lovely life.
20 of them spent with my now lovely Wife!


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## Bullie76 (Oct 5, 2015)

No.


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## boozercruiser (Oct 6, 2015)

Regarding taking someone elses life.
NO, that feeling has never occured to me.

Like us all though, I have felt like thumping quite a few!

But me not being a violent man, I can't even reflect on ever doing that either.


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## fishfulthinking (Oct 6, 2015)

I have had thoughts of maiming certain (2) individuals in the past.
As for the suicide, so far thankfully I have never considered it.  I have not been faced with anything in life that has pushed me that far down thus far.  I can't even imagine what that kind of he// must be like for anyone who has been there.


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## QuickSilver (Oct 6, 2015)

I was punched by a drunk once...  It made me furious...  I lost control... and when I was done he had two black eyes and was on the way to the hospital.   I never punched anyone before... and I certainly didn't think I'd be able to connect like that..  I am sad to admit that in a morbid sort of way, I liked it..   I know now that I am pretty good at it...  Not that I ever intend to ever punch anyone again.... but...............


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