# Is anybody in a new relationship?



## Mr. Ed (Nov 25, 2020)

Seniors share your experience about dating.


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## katlupe (Nov 25, 2020)

My relationship is not new anymore, 2 years and 6 months now. My experience as a senior who is dating someone is not really much different than when I was young. Except the types of activities we do. Probably boring, but I cannot walk very well and it seems to have gotten worse. My boyfriend, Sonny, has many health conditions so he is limited too and he does not put demands on me to do things I just don't feel like doing. I hate being out at night or being in places that are crowded. So he accepts that about me. He is very social and has tons of friends and family. 

At first, he wanted me to marry him or live with him (probably still does). I told him never again will I do that. Since he accepted that, he has grown to like it. Having his own place he can do his own thing and it works well for us. We do not see each other daily, a few times a week at the most. But it has kept our relationship passionate and new. We do talk on the phone every day. As soon as he wakes up in the morning, he calls me. We have had a lot of fun and go to activities in the day time but not much since this quarantine. 

I am not sure if I answered your question or not. I would recommend senior dating if you are thinking about it.


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## Mr. Ed (Nov 25, 2020)

Same desires to love and be loved are timeless


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## katlupe (Nov 25, 2020)

Yes, I think some people will think they have lost those desires due to health conditions or lost of their spouse. So they never pursue it. If they meet someone they are attracted to though, it awakens those desires. I am not talking about physical attraction only, but it could be exchanging emails or messages also. That is how I got to know my boyfriend, on fakebook. I felt like a teenager the first time I met him in person. Before that I told myself I was done with men and I was not looking for another relationship. I wanted to be alone. So much for that! lol Age is not a factor.


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## MarciKS (Nov 25, 2020)

Nope. And I don't plan to be. I no longer have any desire for love. All it does is hurt me in the end.


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## grahamg (Nov 26, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> Nope. And I don't plan to be. I no longer have any desire for love. All it does is hurt me in the end.


There are still some irrepressible people out there, we seem to attract others to them all the time, or others whose charm attracts attention, without them appearing to try, or even when they are showing a reserved side to themselves.
The rest of will have to make do with whoever comes along, or as you suggest resign ourselves to the feeling it isn't going to happen in this lifetime, (do we get another though?). I'm in your boat therefore on this one, but might step out if enticed. !


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## Mr. Ed (Nov 26, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> Nope. And I don't plan to be. I no longer have any desire for love. All it does is hurt me in the end.



I'm sorry for your pain. Do you socialize with friends?


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## MarciKS (Nov 26, 2020)

Mr. Ed said:


> I'm sorry for your pain. Do you socialize with friends?


Nope. None here to socialize with.


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## grahamg (Nov 26, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> Nope. None here to socialize with.


Sometimes, though we may think as you do there is no one around, they are just hidden or even hiding from view, or inadvertently we're missing seeing them when they're there in front of our eyes all the time, (though my experience coincides with yours I admit)?


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## Ruthanne (Nov 26, 2020)

Mr. Ed said:


> Seniors share your experience about dating.


Sorry, but the video says it's unavailable.  Anyways, I'm not in a new relationship.  With covid on the surge now it's way too scary for me to fathom.


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## grahamg (Nov 27, 2020)

Mr. Ed said:


> I'm sorry for your pain. Do you socialize with friends?



MarciKS said:
Nope. And I don't plan to be. I no longer have any desire for love. All it does is hurt me in the end.
Mr. Ed said:
I'm sorry for your pain. Do you socialize with friends?

Grahamg wrote:
Can I just ask how you are described by your friends?
_(apologies, I cant manage the quotes very efficiently I'm afraid, but I hope you can follow why I've mangled them?  )_


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## MarciKS (Nov 27, 2020)

grahamg said:


> MarciKS said:
> Nope. And I don't plan to be. I no longer have any desire for love. All it does is hurt me in the end.
> Mr. Ed said:
> I'm sorry for your pain. Do you socialize with friends?
> ...


who's the question for?


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## ClassicRockr (Nov 27, 2020)

Well, MarciKS, sometimes, and I do mean "sometimes", a person has to look in the mirror at themselves to understand why they get hurt in a relationship too much. Before marring for the 3rd time, I was single/divorced for 22 years and hated it. I had to figure out what I was doing wrong, when it came to relationships. Like the old saying goes, "it takes two to Tango" and I was simply picking the wrong women to have a relationship with. That is, until I was 49 and met my wife.


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## MarciKS (Nov 27, 2020)

ClassicRockr said:


> Well, MarciKS, sometimes, and I do mean "sometimes", a person has to look in the mirror at themselves to understand why they get hurt in a relationship too much. Before marring for the 3rd time, I was single/divorced for 22 years and hated it. I had to figure out what I was doing wrong, when it came to relationships. Like the old saying goes, "it takes two to Tango" and I was simply picking the wrong women to have a relationship with. That is, until I was 49 and met my wife.


It's never anyone else's fault is it?


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## ClassicRockr (Nov 27, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> It's never anyone else's fault is it?


A relationship takes two. Both can be at fault. The man, or woman, just has to pick the "right" person. A person just doesn't have to accept things they don't want to accept for the other person.


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## MarciKS (Nov 27, 2020)

ClassicRockr said:


> A relationship takes two. Both can be at fault. The man, or woman, just has to pick the "right" person. A person just doesn't have to accept things they don't want to accept for the other person.


You're basically talking about my entire life. LOL


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## grahamg (Nov 27, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> who's the question for?


Well, you probably, but all of us sometimes learn something when good friends try to give us a hint about where we might want to think about our lives, based on their experience.

My friends realise how disorganised, long winded, though well intentioned I am, but I'm probably held back by those first two characteristics. 

Another aspect I get criticised about sometimes is not concerning myself too much about my appearance, though I can scrub up fairly well occasionally, (my dad got the same criticism from my mum, and she said he didn't think people could see him, and I think I've got the same delusion!).


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## MarciKS (Nov 27, 2020)

grahamg said:


> Well, you probably, but all of us sometimes learn something when good friends try to give us a hint about where we might want to think about our lives, based on their experience.
> 
> My friends realise how disorganised, long winded, though well intentioned I am, but I'm probably held back by those first two characteristics.
> 
> Another aspect I get criticised about sometimes is not concerning myself too much about my appearance, though I can scrub up fairly well occasionally, (my dad got the same criticism from my mum, and she said he didn't think people could see him, and I think I've got the same delusion!).


well that's just it...i don't get the luxury of an explanation. i get criticized for everything and anything so i kinda gave up.


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## ClassicRockr (Nov 27, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> well that's just it...i don't get the luxury of an explanation. i get criticized for everything and anything so i kinda gave up.


Ok, MarciKS, I really don't understand/get what I highlighted in red. Could you somehow explain.


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## MarciKS (Nov 27, 2020)

ClassicRockr said:


> Ok, MarciKS, I really don't understand/get what I highlighted in red. Could you somehow explain.


that was in response to something graham asked earlier. did i not quote it?


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## ClassicRockr (Nov 27, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> that was in response to something graham asked earlier. did i not quote it?


In response or whatever, you did write it in Post #18.


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## MarciKS (Nov 27, 2020)

ClassicRockr said:


> In response or whatever, you did write it in Post #18.


graham asked what my friends say about me (as in do they tell me what i'm doing wrong). i told him i don't get an explanation as to why they abandon me they just do. most of the time i get criticized for pretty much anything and everything i say and or do so i have basically given up trying. it's a tiresome effort to be what everyone wants you to be instead of being able to be free to be yourself.


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## Packerjohn (Nov 27, 2020)

katlupe said:


> My relationship is not new anymore, 2 years and 6 months now. My experience as a senior who is dating someone is not really much different than when I was young. Except the types of activities we do. Probably boring, but I cannot walk very well and it seems to have gotten worse. My boyfriend, Sonny, has many health conditions so he is limited too and he does not put demands on me to do things I just don't feel like doing. I hate being out at night or being in places that are crowded. So he accepts that about me. He is very social and has tons of friends and family.
> 
> At first, he wanted me to marry him or live with him (probably still does). I told him never again will I do that. Since he accepted that, he has grown to like it. Having his own place he can do his own thing and it works well for us. We do not see each other daily, a few times a week at the most. But it has kept our relationship passionate and new. We do talk on the phone every day. As soon as he wakes up in the morning, he calls me. We have had a lot of fun and go to activities in the day time but not much since this quarantine.
> 
> I am not sure if I answered your question or not. I would recommend senior dating if you are thinking about it.


Hi Katlupe:  You know I have read a few books on seniors dating over the last few months.  I just want to tell you that your & Sonny's relationship is not uncommon.  There seem to be a lot of seniors that still have their own homes or apartments but get together for a few days each week.  I guess it's the best of both worlds.  You have a friend but you still have some time in your own space.  I think I would like to try that some time when I find the "right" lady.  Nice to hear a happy story regarding senior dating rather than "I'm finished with men" or I am now a nice church lady.


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## grahamg (Nov 27, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> graham asked what my friends say about me (as in do they tell me what i'm doing wrong). i told him i don't get an explanation as to why they abandon me they just do. most of the time i get criticized for pretty much anything and everything i say and or do so i have basically given up trying. it's a tiresome effort to be what everyone wants you to be instead of being able to be free to be yourself.


I very much agree with any of us trying to be ourselves, whenever we can.

I could qualify by saying there are maybe times when it might be worth just curving our natural reactions, (especially anger, mild annoyance, the odd sarcastic remark), because doing so might "oil the wheels" to ensure successful discourse.

I don't entirely believe your true friends would criticise you incessantly, but if they do, (just for fun), do you wish to reveal the unexpurgated thrust of their remarks?

I have one last cheeky thing to say, perhaps we could take each other under our respective wings, and as much as we can, (and of course all virtually), motivate, yes criticise, each become the others life style guru, that kind of thing, and see where it takes us...., you up for that?


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## MarciKS (Nov 27, 2020)

how do you become a lifestyle guru for someone you don't know?


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## Pepper (Nov 27, 2020)

delete


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## grahamg (Nov 27, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> how do you become a lifestyle guru for someone you don't know?


Just take pot luck was my idea.  !

I remember something quite revealing about myself, when I organised my fiftieth birthday party at my local village hall, which turned into a joint party along with a mates twenty year old daughter, so there was a mixture of age groups etc.

The revealing bit was when I tried to pick out suitable music tracks to use as background sound, or even to dance to, when the "band" wasn't playing, (essentially a local guy who did s bit of professional singing, they paid for luckily). Anyway, I realised after an hour or two going through my records most were not really suitable for a party, and were a bit serious, if not verging on depressing, so I had to substitute a "greatest hits of the 1970s/1980s" album instead.


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## MarciKS (Nov 27, 2020)

grahamg said:


> Just take pot luck was my idea.  !
> 
> I remember something quite revealing about myself, when I organised my fiftieth birthday party at my local village hall, which turned into a joint party along with a mates twenty year old daughter, so there was a mixture of age groups etc.
> 
> The revealing bit was when I tried to pick out suitable music tracks to use as background sound, or even to dance to, when the "band" wasn't playing, (essentially a local guy who did s bit of professional singing, they paid for luckily). Anyway, I realised after an hour or two going through my records most were not really suitable for a party, and were a bit serious, if not verging on depressing, so I had to substitute a "greatest hits of the 1970s/1980s" album instead.


i messaged you


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## grahamg (Nov 27, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> i messaged you


Great, I'm on it, now where's the darn button, and we'll be into our first "session"!


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## FastTrax (Nov 27, 2020)

Okay folks nothing more to see here. Problem solved.


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## MarciKS (Nov 27, 2020)

Mr Witness Protection you're a dork. LOL


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## FastTrax (Nov 27, 2020)

It took you this long to figure me out?


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## hellomimi (Nov 27, 2020)

First thing I did after my divorce was to work on self improvement and learning to love my self. My therapist helped me get back my confidence. Slowly, but surely I got back on my feet. Daily positive affirmations worked well for me to regain my self worth. I got back to the positive, bubbly person I was and realized people were drawn to me. I'm always interested to know what makes people behave the way they do. I believe we attract what we seek; but it is important to be the kind of person with qualities of the one we seek. Potential relationships become meaningful when two people feel complete, are happy within, and their coming together amplifies their happiness.


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## hellomimi (Nov 27, 2020)

grahamg said:


> There are still some irrepressible people out there, we seem to attract others to them all the time, or others whose charm attracts attention, without them appearing to try, or even when they are showing a reserved side to themselves.
> The rest of will have to make do with whoever comes along, or as you suggest resign ourselves to the feeling it isn't going to happen in this lifetime, (do we get another though?). I'm in your boat therefore on this one, but might step out if enticed. !


I've read a book where it was mentioned that the goal of dating should be making as many positive dating experiences as much as you can. One shouldn't have pre-conceived fantasies of romance brewing at the start but the goal is to just get to know each other and have fun. If the guy is very much attracted to the woman, he will continue to pursue her incessantly. During the initial stage of dating, the woman has all the power since the man is trying to win her love. If the man knows he has other men to compete with, he makes extra effort to get the woman's attention. At any age, women should never forget they are the prize; it is in men's DNA to pursue, so most often they lose interest when the woman is always available compared to the woman who lives a full life that he/they have to keep up with her.


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## grahamg (Nov 27, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> First thing I did after my divorce was to work on self improvement and learning to love my self. My therapist helped me get back my confidence. Slowly, but surely I got back on my feet. Daily positive affirmations worked well for me to regain my self worth. I got back to the positive, bubbly person I was and realized people were drawn to me. I'm always interested to know what makes people behave the way they do. I believe we attract what we seek; but it is important to be the kind of person with qualities of the one we seek. Potential relationships become meaningful when two people feel complete, are happy within, and their coming together amplifies their happiness.


"I'm just busy at the moment, I'm playing the doctor of relationships/psyche's, but you may be required to take over and sort out the doc soon, if I can't help you, as is highly possible"!


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## grahamg (Nov 27, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> I've read a book where it was mentioned that the goal of dating should be making as many positive dating experiences as much as you can. One shouldn't have pre-conceived fantasies of romance brewing at the start but the goal is to just get to know each other and have fun. If the guy is very much attracted to the woman, he will continue to pursue her incessantly. During the initial stage of dating, the woman has all the power since the man is trying to win her love. If the man knows he has other men to compete with, he makes extra effort to get the woman's attention. At any age, women should never forget they are the prize; it is in men's DNA to pursue, so most often they lose interest when the woman is always available compared to the woman who lives a full life that he/they have to keep up with her.


What's that book again, or rather as you haven't given a title or author, which book is that, and do you feel it adds a lot compared to all the other similar books out there?
(btw, you've summed up the baser instincts of men very well, plus how we might prefer to be teased, possibly all our lives!?,).


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## FastTrax (Nov 27, 2020)

grahamg said:


> "I'm just busy at the moment, I'm playing the doctor of relationships/psyche's, but you may be required to take over and sort out the doc soon, if I can't help you, as is highly possible"!





Hey grahamg ever wonder why you never get paid?


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## grahamg (Nov 28, 2020)

FastTrax said:


> View attachment 135932
> 
> Hey grahamg ever wonder why you never get paid?


Besides the less than 100% success rate I enjoy, I've only just taken it up, so haven't discussed fees yet to be fair, and might settle for a "quid pro quo" arrangement!   
(great cartoon btw)


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## Rosemarie (Nov 28, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> Nope. And I don't plan to be. I no longer have any desire for love. All it does is hurt me in the end.


Same here. I seem to bring out the worst in people and, also, when you're older, people are looking for someone to take care of them. So, as soon as a man's eyes start to light up, I walk away.


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## grahamg (Nov 28, 2020)

Rosemarie said:


> Same here. I seem to bring out the worst in people and, also, when you're older, people are looking for someone to take care of them. So, as soon as a man's eyes start to light up, I walk away.


Yes, I'd advise you to be wary of fiery eyed men too!!!!!!!!!


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## grahamg (Nov 28, 2020)

For anyone who did not know, or wasn't certain like myself here is a definition of "quid pro quo", (sort of like an "I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine" arrangement   ).

quid pro quo
/ˌkwɪd prəʊ ˈkwəʊ/

_noun_


a favour or advantage granted in return for something.


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## Mr. Ed (Nov 28, 2020)

Delete


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## hellomimi (Nov 28, 2020)

grahamg said:


> What's that book again, or rather as you haven't given a title or author, which book is that, and do you feel it adds a lot compared to all the other similar books out there?
> (btw, you've summed up the baser instincts of men very well, plus how we might prefer to be teased, possibly all our lives!?,).


IIRC, the book is among those written by John Gray,PhD. It's one of the series Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. The author surely knows his stuff and backs it with research.


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## hellomimi (Nov 28, 2020)

grahamg said:


> (btw, you've summed up the baser instincts of men very well, plus how we might prefer to be teased, possibly all our lives!?,).



Women who know their worth are not afraid to walk out. From Gray's research I've read, Men value women who they know can, and will walk away, if they don't treat them right.


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## Ren (Nov 28, 2020)

I read somewhere by someone much wiser than myself that we have one or two friends the rest are acquaintances.   To have a friend you have to be a friend warts n all   The person that actually listens to what you have to say and responds honestly is your friend.   Once you have that friend your very very lucky


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## grahamg (Nov 28, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> IIRC, the book is among those written by John Gray,PhD. It's one of the series Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. The author surely knows his stuff and backs it with research.


Can I say this...(all guff then....  !)?


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## MarciKS (Nov 28, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> Women who know their worth are not afraid to walk out. From Gray's research I've read, Men value women who they know can, and will walk away, if they don't treat them right.


Doesn't always make them try any harder to keep you.


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## grahamg (Nov 28, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> Doesn't always make them try any harder to keep you.


"Some are tougher to hold on to than a greased hog    !"


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## grahamg (Nov 28, 2020)

Ren said:


> I read somewhere by someone much wiser than myself that we have one or two friends the rest are acquaintances.   To have a friend you have to be a friend warts n all   The person that actually listens to what you have to say and responds honestly is your friend.   Once you have that friend your very very lucky


My late father had something of an ego you'd have to say, because he used to say how popular he was!

On the other hand, he said too that "friends dont last forever", so however many we might think we have now a few might disappear for one reason or another, so maybe we'd better keep seeking new ones to replace hem if we can(?).


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## hellomimi (Nov 28, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> Doesn't always make them try any harder to keep you.


IMO, it is not a woman's job to make sure the man stays. Men who will stray will do so no matter what a woman does or does not do. Women who don't rely on men have the power to walk away because they can. Those who stay in loveless, miserable relationships likely do so because they are dependent on the man and they do not have a support network.


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## MarciKS (Nov 28, 2020)

The only thing I'm dependent on anymore is a paycheck.


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## MarciKS (Nov 28, 2020)

and chocolate...*giggles*


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## hellomimi (Nov 28, 2020)

grahamg said:


> My late father had something of an ego you'd have to say, because he used to say how popular he was!
> 
> On the other hand, he said too that "friends dont last forever", so however many we might think we have now a few might disappear for one reason or another, so maybe we'd better keep seeking new ones to replace hem if we can(?).


I know for sure that only I, me, and myself will not leave me nor betray me. Therefore, learning to love myself and establishing boundaries to protect my interests has been my goal.

I have learned that I cannot give love on an empty love bank that's where daily affirmations come in to make sure it's filled to the brim.


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## MarciKS (Nov 28, 2020)

i think my love bank bled out back in 1999.


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## grahamg (Nov 28, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> i think my love bank bled out back in 1999.


"Therefore transfusion required", (unless you've gotten some religious objections to transfusions?)!


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## Rosemarie (Nov 29, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> Women who know their worth are not afraid to walk out. From Gray's research I've read, Men value women who they know can, and will walk away, if they don't treat them right.


Not quite true. I left my husband because of abuse. I was forced to return because of lack of money. He convinced himself that I had learned a lesson and wouldn't leave again, and the abuse continued. I left again and divorced him....this time I got money from the divorce.


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## katlupe (Nov 29, 2020)

I didn't think to mention it on this thread, but I have been married 3 times and the last two I walked out on. You get to a point where you have to put yourself first for a change. I used to follow a forum that was called "I Hate My Husband" and it was women who wanted desperately to leave their husbands but had no means of support for themselves or their children. One day I said to myself, I am not going to die here (I wrote about my marriage and what happened on my diary here) and I got out. The best move I ever made (The worst thing I ever did was after I left my 2nd husband, because he was a bad alcoholic, was to get married again)!!! I do believe my husband thought I could not leave due to my ss check being so small. But here I am..........


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## hellomimi (Nov 29, 2020)

I know women in abusive relationships who feel trapped in their marriage because they can't support themselves. Their abusive husbands refuse to divorce them to keep them as "slave"(their words, not mine).

We are fortunate to have the means to walk away from un-fixable/abusive relationships. Hopefully, if we "get into the market" again, we can identify those we attract whose character exhibit the pattern of our ex(es). They may be the same demons in a different costume. LOL  As much as I'd like to start on a clean slate (tabula rasa), I have to keep my senses open to avoid the same mistakes.


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## Rosemarie (Nov 29, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> I know women in abusive relationships who feel trapped in their marriage because they can't support themselves. Their abusive husbands refuse to divorce them to keep them as "slave"(their words, not mine).
> 
> We are fortunate to have the means to walk away from un-fixable/abusive relationships. Hopefully, if we "get into the market" again, we can identify those we attract whose character exhibit the pattern of our ex(es). They may be the same demons in a different costume. LOL  As much as I'd like to start on a clean slate (tabula rasa), I have to keep my senses open to avoid the same mistakes.


It's only recently that women in abusive relationships have been able to get help. Previously, they were just expected to put up with it.


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## ClassicRockr (Nov 29, 2020)

I was never in an abusive relationship or marriage. But, my "ex" and I only seen each other as "good looking". She came from a very, very different upbringing and, basically, wanted nothing to do with the way I was raised as a farmer. Her parents were rich, lived in one of the most-desirable housing developments in So California. 

During the years I was divorced/single, I thought mixed "love" and "sex" to much. I could count the number of times I "thought" I was in love..............and, it definitely wasn't love.


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## grahamg (Nov 29, 2020)

ClassicRockr said:


> I was never in an abusive relationship or marriage. But, my "ex" and I only seen each other as "good looking". She came from a very, very different upbringing and, basically, wanted nothing to do with the way I was raised as a farmer. Her parents were rich, lived in one of the most-desirable housing developments in So California.
> 
> During the years I was divorced/single, I thought mixed "love" and "sex" to much. I could count the number of times I "thought" I was in love..............and, it definitely wasn't love.


Hard call, or just the way you feel looking back?


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## grahamg (Nov 29, 2020)

Rosemarie said:


> It's only recently that women in abusive relationships have been able to get help. Previously, they were just expected to put up with it.


Yes that is true, they were expected to put up with all sorts, and a man could physically chastise his wife and not be prosecuted for it even after WWII I believe.

My mother was told by her parents to "refuse nothing only blows" in her marriage, though they thought a lot of my dad as a son in law, coming up a very steep climb during his journey on his bicycle every Sunday to visit my mother every week, winter and summer, and it took three and a half years for him to be invited into the farmhouse would you believe, (my mother's younger sister doing the asking even then!).

"That's love isn't it" .


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## grahamg (Nov 29, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> I know for sure that only I, me, and myself will not leave me nor betray me. Therefore, learning to love myself and establishing boundaries to protect my interests has been my goal.
> I have learned that I cannot give love on an empty love bank that's where daily affirmations come in to make sure it's filled to the brim.


You'd agree with meeting a partner/husband half way I guess, that kind of "equality" even I with  jaundiced view of the way equality is defined or redefined, would think this is necessary?   .


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## hellomimi (Nov 29, 2020)

grahamg said:


> You'd agree with meeting a partner/husband half way I guess, that kind of "equality" even I with  jaundiced view of the way equality is defined or redefined, would think this is necessary?   .


Love is love is love.

If and when I meet the man I'm attracted to and we bond intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, that's when I feel we're equal. If I can feel safe with him, that's the time I know our foundations are strong enough to make a relationship work. My definition of equality in a relationship is when we don't need anything from each other, yet we want to be together to amplify our happiness.


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## FastTrax (Nov 29, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> The only thing I'm dependent on anymore is a paycheck.





MarciKS said:


> i think my love bank bled out back in 1999.



You know what needs to be said. Love don't pay my rent, my job does so get stepping fool.


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## grahamg (Nov 29, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> Love is love is love.
> If and when I meet the man I'm attracted to and we bond intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, that's when I feel we're equal. If I can feel safe with him, that's the time I know our foundations are strong enough to make a relationship work. My definition of equality in a relationship is when we don't need anything from each other, yet we want to be together to amplify our happiness.


Does "Love is love is love" mean anything other than you're stamping your feet when maybe challenged as to your views?

Couple's are only equal, or you only accept a definition of equal when neither needs anything from the other, so this means my future wife telling me she wanted my child, and my very deep sense or instinct I wanted a child, thus fail your test, on both sides, though most might think we were very equal in that regard(?).


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## DaveA (Nov 30, 2020)

New relationship??  No,- -same old, same old. 

Our relationship is like some of your old clothing or a pair of your favorite shoes  -so, so, comfortable - -but wearing out just the same.


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## Brookswood (Dec 2, 2020)

Since getting divorced, I have had several meaningful relationships with women.  Two have been for about 5 years.  The first was a mistake, that I thought I could fix. The harder I tried the worse it got.   She was sbasically a bitter, unhappy person deep down, and nothing I did would fix it.  Foolish me to think I could.    Finally, in another one of her fits of anger she told me we were through.  I agreed.   And that was that.

The second was a very good relationship, but her children all decided to move back to another part of the country.   Her kids, grandkids and siblings were all there. The handwriting was on the wall.  She left and I can't blame her.  My children are near me and I could not see leaving them to follow her and her family.

New dating rule:   She needs to have at least one child established nearby.


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## hellomimi (Dec 2, 2020)

Note to self: The childless, widower  HQM poses less(er) issues. But it's not the be all, end all


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## grahamg (Dec 2, 2020)

FastTrax said:


> You know what needs to be said. Love don't pay my rent, my job does so get stepping fool.
> 
> View attachment 136326


Love may not pay the rent I agree, though the choice of living with someone you love and accepting you may be short on rent money sometimes, against living with someone who you dont love but always having money for the rent man is a finely balanced one you might think, (Oprah Winfrey famously stating: "_anyone who marries for money earns every penny_!")?


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## FastTrax (Dec 2, 2020)

grahamg said:


> Love may not pay the rent I agree, though the choice of living with someone you love and accepting you may be short on rent money sometimes, against living with someone who you dont love but always having money for the rent man is a finely balanced one you might think, (Oprah Winfrey famously stating: "_anyone who marries for money earns every penny_!")?



Oh I definitely agree but an awful lot of women and men resort to stooping to that level and when the rent money doesn't appear on the kitchen table they call the cops to tell the supporter to get lost (For a while) but when the cops clap on the bracelets they jump on the cops back and try to choke them out. Can't pay the rent from jail.


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## grahamg (Dec 2, 2020)

FastTrax said:


> Oh I definitely agree but an awful lot of women and men resort to stooping to that level and when the rent money doesn't appear on the kitchen table they call the cops to tell the supporter to get lost (For a while) but when the cops clap on the bracelets they jump on the cops back and try to choke them out. Can't pay the rent from jail.


Do any of the things you describe occur with the frequency you've suggested or have you been indulging yourself by watching too many films on the Horror Channel?


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## Brookswood (Dec 14, 2020)

FastTrax said:


> Oh I definitely agree but an awful lot of women and men resort to stooping to that level and when the rent money doesn't appear on the kitchen table they call the cops to tell the supporter to get lost (For a while) but when the cops clap on the bracelets they jump on the cops back and try to choke them out. Can't pay the rent from jail.


You better not marry a cop or you could be in real trouble.


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## FastTrax (Dec 14, 2020)

grahamg said:


> Do any of the things you describe occur with the frequency you've suggested or have you been indulging yourself by watching too many films on the Horror Channel?



Now I am going to be as respectful as I can so here's the deal and there is no way around it. Where I am from like the BedStuy/Crown Heights border, Brownsville, Jamaica, Central Islip and Hempstead that scenario was pretty much a weekly occurrence give or take a day or two. Throw in rampant violence, mayhem, drug abuse, rioting and looting, serial rape, gang warfare, push in robberies and other things that you wouldn't believe actually happen since you are in the UK. So maybe you're the one watching horror movies on TV. You know, the TV you have to pay your government to have in your flat. Yes that TV.

BTW: I don't watch the horror channel for horror because in the US horror is pretty much a weekly, daily and hourly occurrence (Pick one) especially in the urban areas like I mentioned in my post. Happy Holiday and may GOD bless you.


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## FastTrax (Dec 14, 2020)

Brookswood said:


> You better not marry a cop or you could be in real trouble.



Nope, married twice to two teachers. I do have officers of the law in my extended family and for the most part they are pretty tolerant and they are very good at what they do and they do a very good job. Take care.


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## Betty&Jeremy (Dec 14, 2020)

Many are happy on their own and dating, I was as well until I met my neighbor a few years ago. I did not want it, but he did and to make matters worse, he is 39 years my junior. While I would have never ever been with someone so young, let alone 5 yeas younger, one things lead to another. We are now married and life with him has been just wonderful and much better than my first marriage were there was no age gap. Keep you options open, we can all improve our lives as we get older. We sometimes get stuck in our ways and don't do things that can make us much happier. I would have never imagined this would make me happy, but I am loving every minute when we are toether.


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## FastTrax (Dec 14, 2020)

Betty&Jeremy said:


> Many are happy on their own and dating, I was as well until I met my neighbor a few years ago. I did not want it, but he did and to make matters worse, he is 39 years my junior. While I would have never ever been with someone so young, let alone 5 yeas younger, one things lead to another. We are now married and life with him has been just wonderful and much better than my first marriage were there was no age gap. Keep you options open, we can all improve our lives as we get older. We sometimes get stuck in our ways and don't do things that can make us much happier. I would have never imagined this would make me happy, but I am loving every minute when we are toether.



Amen to that.


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