# How alone are you?



## Victor (Jul 21, 2018)

Living alone  runs the gamut or range from totally alone at one extreme
to very sociable and outgoing at the other end.
I have known people who live alone but friends, club members and or family members constantly call
and they frequently go out and enjoy. They live alone but that is all. They are rarely
lonely and not for long.

At the other end, those who live alone (not counting pets)
 rarely or never get calls to talk or hang out together. This may be fairly
recent or your entire adult life. No human ever to come home to. After your college years
are over, only occasional friends, BFs and GFs  and some dates.
No one cares about your weekend or even asks. You don't know what it is like to
have someone care about you, except possibly your parents. One could die and no one
would know.


Which group do you fit in?  Or in between?


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## Aunt Bea (Jul 21, 2018)

Victor,

I'm _at the other end_, LOL!

I have no close family or friends left.  

My only human contact is with merchants, chance meetings on the street and the internet.

It's not a life I chose it's simply the life I have.

I have made efforts to meet people and develop new friendships but for me, it's just too uncomfortable a process so I stay in my comfortable little rut.

My only concern at this point is that I don't have anyone that I can depend on in an emergency but I've decided that is what 911 is for.

Why do you ask?

B


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## paxtonstafford (Jul 21, 2018)

aunt bee my description of myself...however there are many blessings there if we look at them..at least for me...fewer if any stupid obnoxious and rude people-- mostly younger, to deal with....and I suspect we die alone anyway, even if in a crowd-- yep I know the clerks at Walmart- they are old as I am ..most can use the money but I suspect it is a mix for them social/money/and purpose...but only guessing, some, I know really need the money--

they other thing I cannot stand stupid people -the older I get the more of them their are ..or at least I am more attuned to them... so alone...51% --stupid people 49% --I am good- 
These are Cipolla's five fundamental laws of stupidity:
Always and inevitably each of us underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation.
The probability that a given person is stupid is independent of any other characteristic possessed by that person.
A person is stupid if they cause damage to another person or group of people without experiencing personal gain, or even worse causing damage to themselves in the process.
Non-stupid people always underestimate the harmful potential of stupid people; they constantly forget that at any time anywhere, and in any circumstance, dealing with or associating themselves with stupid individuals invariably constitutes a costly error.
A stupid person is the most dangerous type of person there is.

generally stupidity is deliberate and self inflicted for various reasons that make no sense to most of me. It seems to me anyway...and I am in the midst of them...hahhaha​


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## moviequeen1 (Jul 21, 2018)

Victor, I've lived by myself for most of my adult life,my choosing. I'm the only member of my family who decided to stay here in my hometown,Buffalo,NY because its where my job was.I stay in contact with my siblings,talk every Sun with my brother who lives downstate.My sister lives in England,hear from her via email every so often
I have a group of friends I've made over the yrs,they are my 'other family' would do anything for them and vice versa.They are either single,widowed,married. Two of the people in this group,Marcia&her hubby,Dave 'adopted me' a couple of yrs ago,I do lots of things with them on a regular basis.Marcia is my local emergency contact ,their youngest son,Alexei is my 'movie buddy' .I walk the family dog whenever they need me to,which makes my day since we can't have pets in our co-op building.
I like being by myself,other times I do get lonely,I deal with it..I'm sure I would be a very different person if I didn't have these friends in my life  Sue


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## tortiecat (Jul 21, 2018)

I am sort of in between, neither an extrovert nor an introvert.  I have family, but they all lead busy lives, we keep
in touch by phone or facebook; but I know they are there if I really need them.  I have made friends here at the
residence and we do things together, but I also like my time alone.  My apartment is my sanctuary and I am quite
content reading, on the computer, TV, or just pottering around.  I have one dear friend, who I have known for over
60 years and we get together every couple of months for a meal, otherwise keep in touch by phone.
Am I lonely? Yes, occasionally, but I find something to do , or go for a walk.


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## Camper6 (Jul 21, 2018)

During the day it's not a problem.

It's at night when you wake up and no one around.

That's when the alone hits home.

Even if you wanted to go out.  Nothing is open.  The streets are deserted and hardly any places are open 24 hours a day anymore because of holdups.

That's why I loved Las Vegas.  Get up anytime and go for a cup of coffee.


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## Falcon (Jul 21, 2018)

Paxton:      There     Their     They're ;    Check  'em   out.    Even  SOME   stupid  people  know the difference.


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## Shalimar (Jul 21, 2018)

paxtonstafford said:


> aunt bee my description of myself...however there are many blessings there if we look at them..at least for me...fewer if any stupid obnoxious and rude people-- mostly younger, to deal with....and I suspect we die alone anyway, even if in a crowd-- yep I know the clerks at Walmart- they are old as I am ..most can use the money but I suspect it is a mix for them social/money/and purpose...but only guessing, some, I know really need the money--
> 
> they other thing I cannot stand stupid people -the older I get the more of them their are ..or at least I am more attuned to them... so alone...51% --stupid people 49% --I am good-
> These are Cipolla's five fundamental laws of stupidity:
> ...


My experience has taught me that malignant  intelligence can create far more damage than unconscious stupidity. Also, I have found that “stupid, obnoxious and rude people” come in all age groups. Some of the most negative people I have met are intolerant and caustic seniors. Some people become more compassionate with age, some slip into anger and bitterness.


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## bingo (Jul 21, 2018)

i've read all these replies...my husband and myself are mostly alone. .we have 3 little dogs that we love..not a lot of outside interactions. ...one daughter closeby...i just accept the way things are


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## KingsX (Jul 21, 2018)

.

My siblings were a lot older than I... so I was practically raised as an only child.
In other words,  I am used to being alone and actually prefer it that way.


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## debbie in seattle (Jul 22, 2018)

I too, am alone.   My husband passed May 14, this year.    It’s terrible.    I have friends, but they’re married, have kids, grandkids, etc.   one of my daughters live in Az., the other not 10 miles away, but hates me, yes, hates me because she feels I should split the money my husband and I had prior to his death into thirds, naturally, 1/3 to her.   Yes, it’s crazy.   I am at a total loss, what do I do with all my time?    It’s terrible.


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## Camper6 (Jul 22, 2018)

debbie in seattle said:


> I too, am alone.   My husband passed May 14, this year.    It’s terrible.    I have friends, but they’re married, have kids, grandkids, etc.   one of my daughters live in Az., the other not 10 miles away, but hates me, yes, hates me because she feels I should split the money my husband and I had prior to his death into thirds, naturally, 1/3 to her.   Yes, it’s crazy.   I am at a total loss, what do I do with all my time?    It’s terrible.



Volunteer with some organization and have somewhere to go and someone to depend on you.

It's really fun.  It's something to look forward to every day.

I am a volunteer with a golf organization.  We run tournaments and sponsor golf for juniors.


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## KingsX (Jul 22, 2018)

debbie in seattle said:


> I too, am alone.   My husband passed May 14, this year.    It’s terrible.    I have friends, but they’re married, have kids, grandkids, etc.   one of my daughters live in Az., the other not 10 miles away, but hates me, yes, hates me because she feels I should split the money my husband and I had prior to his death into thirds, naturally, 1/3 to her.   Yes, it’s crazy.   I am at a total loss, what do I do with all my time?    It’s terrible.




First of all,  don't let anyone talk you into giving away some of your money now.  It's your money. You can leave it to whomever you want in your will or spend all of it on yourself if that is what you want to do.   Experts advise not to make important life-changing decisions immediately after a death in the family... to wait at least a year. 

 Now is the time to be your own person, to do what YOU want to do [within reason ]  One is never bored pursuing one's dreams.

.


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## SeaBreeze (Jul 22, 2018)

I agree with KingsX Debbie, excellent advice.  If she hates you because she can't demand and control what you do with YOUR money, she needs to get a grip and a reality check.  I'd ignore her until she shows you more consideration.  Don't rush into anything to keep busy, just try and go out a little bit and do something enjoyable, perhaps with a group of other seniors in your area.  Stay positive, don't let others bring you down...your hubby would want you to be happy now. :love_heart:


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## RadishRose (Jul 22, 2018)

I agree Debbie, don't make large financial decisions yet, it's too soon. I'm sure you know there's a lot you can do like the senior's center, volunteering, etc....but I understand your heart is still heavy and you may yet be too sad to go out and enjoy these things just now. You're still grieving.

Please keep these activities in the back of your mind for when you're ready and not sink into a rut. Start small. One of your friends, married or not, may enjoy going to lunch with you one day, then maybe stop into a store to look around. Just a few hours, and see how you feel. My best to you.


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## AprilSun (Jul 22, 2018)

Deb, first of all, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. It's too soon to make any big decisions about anything. I know when my husband passed away and that's been several years ago, I couldn't think clearly and since it's so fresh for you, I'm sure you are the same way. Don't let your daughter control you either. It sounds like we have a daughter just alike. One of mine tried to control me after her Dad passed away but I didn't let her and don't you let your daughter either. Don't make any decisions now that you may regret later. It helped me to find hobbies, etc. to keep me busy. That's the main thing is to stay busy or at least it was for me.
I live alone but I know I have family if I need them and especially friends.


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## debbie in seattle (Jul 22, 2018)

Thanks everyone, absolutely agree about no decisions for at least a year.   I have friends and go and do, but in the back of my mind is always, “What do I do when I get home, I’m alone again.”   Intellectually, I know that’s stupid,  can’t have someone with me 24x7.   Nights are the absolutely the worse!!!!      Not emotionally ready for volunteering for anything right now.   JUST WANT MY OLD LIFE BACK.  I was all for getting a dog, but now have poopoo’d that, can’t even think about a goldfish.


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## rgp (Jul 23, 2018)

debbie in seattle said:


> Thanks everyone, absolutely agree about no decisions for at least a year.   I have friends and go and do, but in the back of my mind is always, “What do I do when I get home, I’m alone again.”   Intellectually, I know that’s stupid,  can’t have someone with me 24x7.   Nights are the absolutely the worse!!!!      Not emotionally ready for volunteering for anything right now.   JUST WANT MY OLD LIFE BACK.  I was all for getting a dog, but now have poopoo’d that, can’t even think about a goldfish.




   This will sound like a smart a$$ answer....it is not intended that way at all.

   But you cannot get your old life back....period. Life goes on. And IMO you will only frustrate yourself if you continue to hang on to that thought. Your life has changed, you need to make adjustments to create the next chapter of it. 

 It is not 'stupid' to be / feel lonely...


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## rgp (Jul 23, 2018)

I'm sort of in the middle...Not married , live alone, no kids, friends..some dead, the rest older now as well, and they older than I. So the social scene has pretty much dried up. One friend has just moved back from out of state...but again, age. Lets face it, two guys 69 & 71 don't go out 'clubbin'..... chasin' skirts...LOL...So? 

Use to travel allot but, health issues have ended that. 

But I guess I have become [we] get used to it,.. gradually ? Two posters noted about the nights being the worse & they are . Don't know why that is...but it sure seems to be.


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## AprilSun (Jul 23, 2018)

debbie in seattle said:


> Thanks everyone, absolutely agree about no decisions for at least a year.   I have friends and go and do, but in the back of my mind is always, “What do I do when I get home, I’m alone again.”   Intellectually, I know that’s stupid,  can’t have someone with me 24x7.   Nights are the absolutely the worse!!!!      Not emotionally ready for volunteering for anything right now.   JUST WANT MY OLD LIFE BACK.  I was all for getting a dog, but now have poopoo’d that, can’t even think about a goldfish.



I had a cat and still do,  and she has helped me through everything! She would be waiting at the door for me when I got home and that plus she loves to cuddle, helped me so much! Pets give us something to do and they depend on us which helps so much during our times of need!


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## debbie in seattle (Jul 23, 2018)

I know you’re right April about a pet.  It’s like I’m frozen as far as making any decisions.    Dog?  Cat?


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## Kitties (Jul 23, 2018)

I'm in the second camp. Utterly alone. I've never fit in anyplace in my life. I feel very isolated even around people such as at work. My stepfather just returned home after breaking his hip and being in rehab 7 weeks. Much stress, just waiting for something else to happen. My brother can't even give me verbal support from 3000 miles away. He discounts everything I say and explain I have done and then acts like he cares so much when his words prove he doesn't. I'm really alone in all this and it's horrible.


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## paxtonstafford (Jul 23, 2018)

sory


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## AprilSun (Jul 24, 2018)

debbie in seattle said:


> I know you’re right April about a pet.  It’s like I’m frozen as far as making any decisions.    Dog?  Cat?



That would be a hard decision to make if I liked one as much as the other. I didn't have to make that decision because we had gotten this cat many years before he died. But, even if we hadn't, I wouldn't have had a problem deciding because I've always been a person that loves cats better. I like dogs but just haven't wanted one for myself. Cats have always won for some reason for me. Good luck on your decision making on everything!


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## peppermint (Jul 24, 2018)

First of all, I feel for Debbie....I do have a suggestion....Get together with some lady friends and go to lunch every so often....It get's you out of the house....I do that with my friends....Not as often when we were a little younger, but
we try.. We don't talk every day but keep in touch....I do have my husband and we have our son 2 blocks away...My daughter is an hour from us....Yes, getting older is a different world....


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## Gary O' (Jul 24, 2018)

rgp said:


> This will sound like a smart a$$ answer....it is not intended that way at all.
> 
> But you cannot get your old life back....period. Life goes on. And IMO you will only frustrate yourself if you continue to hang on to that thought. Your life has changed, you need to make adjustments to create the next chapter of it.
> 
> It is not 'stupid' to be / feel lonely...



sorry, I just dug into my poster creation archive


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## Vega_Lyra (Jul 24, 2018)




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## Ferocious (Jul 25, 2018)

As long as there are people (like here) that post friendly comments about what others post, then they are never truly alone.....


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## Sunny (Jul 29, 2018)

I've lived alone since my husband died eight years ago, but I am never really "alone."  I guess I'm in the first group, living technically alone but surrounded by family and friends. Living in a senior community, filled with tons of activities, I could be among people 24 hours a day if I chose to do so. But I enjoy the balance of time with other people vs. time alone.

I do find that I have to get out and mingle with other people at least once a day, even if it's just to go to the gym or something. I enjoy my own company, but not THAT much!


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## jujube (Jul 29, 2018)

After the last two weeks, I could use a little "aloneness"......


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## AprilT (Jul 29, 2018)

debbie in seattle said:


> I too, am alone.   My husband passed May 14, this year.    It’s terrible.    I have friends, but they’re married, have kids, grandkids, etc.   one of my daughters live in Az., the other not 10 miles away, but hates me, yes, hates me because she feels I should split the money my husband and I had prior to his death into thirds, naturally, 1/3 to her.   Yes, it’s crazy.   I am at a total loss, what do I do with all my time?    It’s terrible.


 
My heart goes out to you and all who feel the pains of loneliness and or loss.  Grief takes time to come out of, so no one can tell you to just snap out of it, you take your time and when you are at a place ready to interact in social settings you'll know though it would be good to also make an effort to do something nice for yourself outside the home.

Think about getting out and letting the sun warm your face, when your ready maybe a spa day or even use a bit of that money for a spa like getaway.  Maybe when you get back you'll be ready to take on some new activities like volunteering at that point, but either way, go at a pace suitable to you.  

Think about a journal, writing about your feelings day to day, get your feelings out even if you want talk to hubby tell him how you feel about his absence, if you must let him know you'll be okay.  Let go of any grievances just let it all go in those writings or voice recordings if you prefer.  But whatever you do, get your emotions out there and breath, breath deep and exhale.  You've been through something deep.

I'll share something with you, I am alone, miss my siblings, they all died too early, I have the one daughter, we are like oil and water in our personality though we try and do get together at least once a year now, that's about as much as I can take.   I personally would like to pull the plug, something I've fourth against for decades,  and now more so do to all my ailments.  I hurt physically most of the time can't do most of the things I would like including drive.  Still, I make do and get out and about do what I can to keep active when I am able.  I teach arts and craft activities to seniors in my building.   I have so little in common with the people around me here in this backwards town it drives me nutso, especially the people my age.

I won't ever be over the deaths of my siblings, the reminders come every holiday, every time I see families gather for whatever reason, just when people conversere about any of their sibs.  I don't wallow in the loss, but, the pain and loneliness of their absence is there.  Am I always lonely, no, but, I know what it feels like at times, as I said, I keep busy and frankly, I prefer solitude most of the time anyway.  But I also, enjoy the company of others now and again and people seem to like my company when I'm around which is a good thing since I know I can be a pain in the, well you know.

Aside from the journal, maybe pick up some reading materials of memoirs or other non-fiction of those who have dealt with loss or those starting over from a certain point in life.  Just some of my suggestions, I could probably come up with a dozen more, some more worthless than the next, but, I'm trying.  

Oh and when you're ready don't forget the meetup groups, I bet your area has some great ones.  I'm going to be sharing a beach house with a group of women come Sept, they do all the kayaking and fun stuff while I just lie around or splash in the ocean a bit.


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## KingsX (Jul 29, 2018)

.

In the Bible, living apart from the [evil] world order is a good thing.


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## Sunny (Jul 29, 2018)

Debbie, you asked "cat or dog?"  Obviously, that's a decision for you to make; no one else can really advise you. Part of it depends on where you live.

Small dogs seem to fit in anywhere. Larger dogs need space to run and play. I know you have dog parks in Seattle, so that shouldn't be too much of a problem. 

Cats can stay inside all the time, so that isn't a problem. I am more of a dog person, so I don't see the emotional closeness from a cat. (And I have owned several in the past.) But many cat lovers
swear by them. They are cleaner than dogs and easier, but not as affectionate.

Have you had any pets in the past?


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## dkay (Jul 30, 2018)

I suppose I'm mostly a loner by nature having only a couple of close friends. Most of my family is gone or live quite a ways away in other states.  I love being outdoors, being away from people- I'm more like a Thoreau not like a serial killer.  My library card is my new best friend.

 As for dying and no one knowing: I do have a daughter that lives in another state. We have a long conversation on the phone weekly and in between times, I'll send her a smiley face either in a text or in a facebook message just to let her know all is well. For those who are kind of loners and feel pressured by society to join the local bingo group or to get a cat or to join a bowling league when you don't really want to, I would like to suggest a book. It's called Party of One The Loners' Manifesto by Anneli Rufus. I like that she talks about the differences between being alone and being lonely and that loners are not damaged goods who need to be mended. 

I am not greedy, I'm not homicidal or suicidal, I'm not crazy. Most of all, the word "bored" is never in my vocabulary. It takes very little to interest or entertain me. Probably the most difficult thing I've encountered is if I have to have a routine medical procedure/test performed requiring anesthesia. Sometimes it's difficult to find someone to drive me and then stay with me. I figure my ideal situation as I continue to age would be to find a bunch of old former hippies, rent a huge house together, turn it into a commune, sing folk songs, try to guess what everyone's old wrinkly tattoos used to be and use pot for our arthritis and whatever else ails us. I don't smoke but I heard Colorado has some nice pot gummy bears. I'm not sure I could handle living with other people unless some sort of mood enhancing drug was involved. For now though, alone is good.


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## Aunt Bea (Jul 30, 2018)

dkay said:


> I suppose I'm mostly a loner by nature having only a couple of close friends. Most of my family is gone or live quite a ways away in other states. I love being outdoors, being away from people- I'm more like a Thoreau not like a serial killer. My library card is my new best friend.
> 
> As for dying and no one knowing: I do have a daughter that lives in another state. We have a long conversation on the phone weekly and in between times, I'll send her a smiley face either in a text or in a facebook message just to let her know all is well. For those who are kind of loners and feel pressured by society to join the local bingo group or to get a cat or to join a bowling league when you don't really want to, I would like to suggest a book. It's called Party of One The Loners' Manifesto by Anneli Rufus.* I like that she talks about the differences between being alone and being lonely and that loners are not damaged goods who need to be mended. *
> 
> I am not greedy, I'm not homicidal or suicidal, I'm not crazy. Most of all, the word "bored" is never in my vocabulary. It takes very little to interest or entertain me. Probably the most difficult thing I've encountered is if I have to have a routine medical procedure/test performed requiring anesthesia. Sometimes it's difficult to find someone to drive me and then stay with me. I figure my ideal situation as I continue to age would be to find a bunch of old former hippies, rent a huge house together, turn it into a commune, sing folk songs, try to guess what everyone's old wrinkly tattoos used to be and use pot for our arthritis and whatever else ails us. I don't smoke but I heard Colorado has some nice pot gummy bears. I'm not sure I could handle living with other people unless some sort of mood enhancing drug was involved. For now though, alone is good.



I was right there with you until the part about living in a commune cleaning up after a bunch of old hippies!!!

I particularly like the highlighted sentence above.  

I'm alone most of the time but rarely lonely.

I get bored more often than I get lonely.


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## gennie (Jul 30, 2018)

It's a very lucky person who can be alone without feeling lonely.  Personally, I like my own company - am my own best friend.  I love and admire her and treat her well.


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## ProsperosDaughter (Jul 30, 2018)

I am in the completely alone group. I live alone, no pets. Rarely speak on the telephone. I just spent the last 6 weeks working on a project and never left the house. I am never lonely I love the way I have designed my life.


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## rgp (Jul 30, 2018)

dkay said:


> I suppose I'm mostly a loner by nature having only a couple of close friends. Most of my family is gone or live quite a ways away in other states.  I love being outdoors, being away from people- I'm more like a Thoreau not like a serial killer.  My library card is my new best friend.
> 
> As for dying and no one knowing: I do have a daughter that lives in another state. We have a long conversation on the phone weekly and in between times, I'll send her a smiley face either in a text or in a facebook message just to let her know all is well. For those who are kind of loners and feel pressured by society to join the local bingo group or to get a cat or to join a bowling league when you don't really want to, I would like to suggest a book. It's called Party of One The Loners' Manifesto by Anneli Rufus. I like that she talks about the differences between being alone and being lonely and that loners are not damaged goods who need to be mended.
> 
> I am not greedy, I'm not homicidal or suicidal, I'm not crazy. Most of all, the word "bored" is never in my vocabulary. It takes very little to interest or entertain me. Probably the most difficult thing I've encountered is if I have to have a routine medical procedure/test performed requiring anesthesia. Sometimes it's difficult to find someone to drive me and then stay with me. I figure my ideal situation as I continue to age would be to find a bunch of old former hippies, rent a huge house together, turn it into a commune, sing folk songs, try to guess what everyone's old wrinkly tattoos used to be and use pot for our arthritis and whatever else ails us. I don't smoke but I heard Colorado has some nice pot gummy bears. I'm not sure I could handle living with other people unless some sort of mood enhancing drug was involved. For now though, alone is good.




  My story is pretty much the same..

  "I figure my ideal situation as I continue to age would be to find a bunch of old former hippies, rent a huge house together, turn it into a commune, sing folk songs, try to guess what everyone's old wrinkly tattoos used to be and use pot for our arthritis and whatever else ails us. "

  <GRIN>....doesn't that pretty much describe a rest home / senior center?

  P.S....I don't smoke either, but I'm more of a brownie guy...


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## Shalimar (Jul 30, 2018)

rgp said:


> My story is pretty much the same..
> 
> "I figure my ideal situation as I continue to age would be to find a bunch of old former hippies, rent a huge house together, turn it into a commune, sing folk songs, try to guess what everyone's old wrinkly tattoos used to be and use pot for our arthritis and whatever else ails us. "
> 
> ...


The special brownies? Lol.


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## dkay (Jul 30, 2018)

LOL, I worked in long term care for over 30 years and this doesn't describe any of those places. Too many rules, medicare regulations, nothing like communal living at all. People running around trying to figure out if you had your daily bowel movement. Not enough magic brownies or gummy bears for sure! That would make nursing home so much "happier".


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## rgp (Jul 30, 2018)

Shalimar said:


> The special brownies? Lol.




<GRIN>........you've figured me out.


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## Shalimar (Jul 30, 2018)

rgp said:


> <GRIN>........you've figured me out.


Yep! October 17: recreational pot becomes legal here. Not that it matters, we have been sampling premium BC bud for decades. Lol.


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## Victor (Jul 31, 2018)

You know you are lonely when----

Your dog moves in with the guy next door
Your wife says she wants to make love in the Atlantic and wants you in the Pacific
Your only company is the bug exterminator
Your therapist kicks you out
You can't get lucky with a prostitute
You go for a massage and they tell you it's self-service
Your kid carries a photo of another Dad in his wallet
You talk to your cat--and he hits you and runs away


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## 911 (Jul 31, 2018)

debbie in seattle said:


> I too, am alone.   My husband passed May 14, this year.    It’s terrible.    I have friends, but they’re married, have kids, grandkids, etc.   one of my daughters live in Az., the other not 10 miles away, but hates me, yes, hates me because she feels I should split the money my husband and I had prior to his death into thirds, naturally, 1/3 to her.   Yes, it’s crazy.   I am at a total loss, what do I do with all my time?    It’s terrible.



I had to ask this question. Did your daughter hate you before your husband died? Evidently, she never understood how the money gets divided as members of a family die and who determines who gets what. If your husband would have wanted her to have some of the money, he would have stated so in his portion of the will.


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## C'est Moi (Jul 31, 2018)

*"...loners are not damaged goods who need to be mended. "

*:yeah::iagree:   

I really like that.   I have always been a loner and I'm perfectly happy to remain so.   I am married and we have kids, grandkids, and a lot of extended family so I'm not alone unless I chose to be so (which I typically do).   Never lonely, though.


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## debbie in seattle (Jul 31, 2018)

911 said:


> I had to ask this question. Did your daughter hate you before your husband died? Evidently, she never understood how the money gets divided as members of a family die and who determines who gets what. If your husband would have wanted her to have some of the money, he would have stated so in his portion of the will.



Depends on which day of the week it is, honestly.  I’m over it, so many more pressing things in my life currently.


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## Victor (Aug 1, 2018)

Debbie,
 do you know about GriefHealing Discussion forum?  Useful and nice people.


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## debbie in seattle (Aug 1, 2018)

Victor said:


> Debbie,
> do you know about GriefHealing Discussion forum?  Useful and nice people.



No, but I’m headed that way right now to check it out.     Thanks so much


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## oldal (Aug 2, 2018)

My granddaughter, her husband and 4 great grand kids live in my house with me. Even so, I am alone in my room 90% of the time. They have their own life and since I'm housebound, it almost never includes me. It's not like they don't like me, although sometimes I think it is, but they have their own lives and because of the multi generation gap we don't have anything in common except blood. 

I'm not complaining, without them I could not live here and would probably have to go to the old folds home. They do the shopping and take care of the house, things I couldn't do myself. In return I provide them with free housing. I just need human contact so resort to the computer. I had very good friends on another site but they appear to be closed. I hope to make new friends here to maybe chat with and exchange ideas.


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## debbie in seattle (Aug 2, 2018)

oldal said:


> My granddaughter, her husband and 4 great grand kids live in my house with me. Even so, I am alone in my room 90% of the time. They have their own life and since I'm housebound, it almost never includes me. It's not like they don't like me, although sometimes I think it is, but they have their own lives and because of the multi generation gap we don't have anything in common except blood.
> 
> I'm not complaining, without them I could not live here and would probably have to go to the old folds home. They do the shopping and take care of the house, things I couldn't do myself. In return I provide them with free housing. I just need human contact so resort to the computer. I had very good friends on another site but they appear to be closed. I hope to make new friends here to maybe chat with and exchange ideas.



‘Welcome to our site, folks are great here!


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## rgp (Aug 2, 2018)

oldal said:


> My granddaughter, her husband and 4 great grand kids live in my house with me. Even so, I am alone in my room 90% of the time. They have their own life and since I'm housebound, it almost never includes me. It's not like they don't like me, although sometimes I think it is, but they have their own lives and because of the multi generation gap we don't have anything in common except blood.
> 
> I'm not complaining, without them I could not live here and would probably have to go to the old folds home. They do the shopping and take care of the house, things I couldn't do myself. In return I provide them with free housing. I just need human contact so resort to the computer. I had very good friends on another site but they appear to be closed. I hope to make new friends here to maybe chat with and exchange ideas.




  "_we don't have anything in common except blood. "

_  Strange how blood relatives can be so 'unattached'....but I am aware of it / heard of it before.

  Anyway, Welcome !!


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## Radrook (Aug 3, 2018)

I am totally alone. No friends, no family.


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## RadishRose (Aug 3, 2018)

oldal said:


> My granddaughter, her husband and 4 great grand kids live in my house with me. Even so, I am alone in my room 90% of the time. They have their own life and since I'm housebound, it almost never includes me. It's not like they don't like me, although sometimes I think it is, but they have their own lives and because of the multi generation gap we don't have anything in common except blood.
> 
> I'm not complaining, without them I could not live here and would probably have to go to the old folds home. They do the shopping and take care of the house, things I couldn't do myself. In return I provide them with free housing. I just need human contact so resort to the computer. I had very good friends on another site but they appear to be closed. I hope to make new friends here to maybe chat with and exchange ideas.



Just wondering, do you take a meal with them on a regular basis throughout the week? These days it's hard to have the family sit down together each evening for a meal, but I'm hoping you can, often.

If I may ask, hold old are your great grandchildren?


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## Catlady (Aug 4, 2018)

Aunt Bea said:


> Victor,
> 
> I'm _at the other end_, LOL!
> 
> ...



Aunt Bea, I am exactly in your shoes.  BUT, I am a loner and a b1tch and want it that way, but you sound so sweet and kind and wise.  I'm very surprised!


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## Catlady (Aug 4, 2018)

debbie in seattle said:


> I know you’re right April about a pet.  It’s like I’m frozen as far as making any decisions.    Dog?  Cat?


I love animals, so please make sure you want a pet before you get one.  I hate it when they're given away when situations change or they become a chore or an inconvenience.  You might want to travel when you are healed and pets can be a hindrance to travel.  Wait a year or more before you decide to get one and only if you truly love animals.  Sorry about your loss.


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## Catlady (Aug 4, 2018)

oldal said:


> My granddaughter, her husband and 4 great grand kids live in my house with me. Even so, I am alone in my room 90% of the time. They have their own life and since I'm housebound, it almost never includes me. It's not like they don't like me, although sometimes I think it is, but they have their own lives and because of the multi generation gap we don't have anything in common except blood.
> 
> I'm not complaining, without them I could not live here and would probably have to go to the old folds home. They do the shopping and take care of the house, things I couldn't do myself. In return I provide them with free housing. I just need human contact so resort to the computer. I had very good friends on another site but they appear to be closed. I hope to make new friends here to maybe chat with and exchange ideas.



You came to the right place.  I can honestly say this is the nicest forum I've even been a member of and thank my lucky stars that I found it.  I am not very sociable but still need human interaction once in a while and this forum fills that need for me.  WELCOME!


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## Morningglory (Aug 5, 2018)

Sorry Rad, but I know how you feel somewhat, I do a e family and a couple friends but don't see often, I would like to be your friend&#55357;&#56842;


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## treeguy64 (Aug 15, 2018)

Radrook said:


> I am totally alone. No friends, no family.



On this forum, you're never alone, Rad.  Whatever is on your mind, just vent, here, and we'll be glad to input on the same.  Welcome!


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## John Bull (Aug 25, 2018)

[h=1]"How alone are you?"[/h]100% and it is soul destroying, living in a nice house but more like a mausoleum, full of contents belonging to my two beloved dead wives and several worshipped  pets. No friends or family and no interest in bouncing around trying to socialise.


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## Morningglory (Aug 25, 2018)

HI John Bull, Welcome to senior forum, we all here have something in common, hope you can find some comfort knowing you are not alone.


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## Ronni (Aug 27, 2018)

I have 5 kids (one girl 4 boys) and 10 grandkids. My oldest lives across the country with his wife and 4 kids, but I go visit once or twice a year.  The rest live here in the Nashville area.  My daughter and I are very close, we talk every day, I spend a lot of time with her and her husband and the three kids, at their urging.  It helps that I do a lot of babysitting here and there   but I'm very lucky to have a son-in-law who is so accepting of me and enjoys having me around whether I'm watching his kids or not!  There are many family get togethers through the year, whether it's someone's birthday or a celebration of a seasonal event, plus my I see my boys at other times too...lunch, or we go to a movie, or they want help with something or I do.  

Because I'm a dancer as a hobby, I have a number of close friends and many acquaintances through the dance community here, and we're always up to something...going to a new dance venue, heading out to a movie, doing lunch, whatever strikes the fancy.  I belong to several groups too, and have more friends there, and there are lunches and drinks and other get togethers that have evolved from that as well.  

It's funny, because I am also perfectly happy with my own company...I don't NEED all this, don't have to have it, but life has evolved this way for me.   I am NOT the sort who feels the need to get out every day.  If I wasn't working, and didn't have as many demands on my time as I do with the many events and outings and appointments that are always popping up, I would be perfectly happy to stay at home for days on end.  When I was married and a stay at home mom, nothing pleased me more than to not have to go out anywhere.  A full week straight of being at home was heaven!!


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## Victor (Aug 29, 2018)

Imagine you are on a baseball or football field and you are totally alone.
The only people who know you and will have personal conversations are on the sidelines
or in the bullpen or the bench. Others are outside the stadium or park completely.  part of your
life o_nly indirectly_.
Then you may understand the situation of some loners. This is not a nightmare. It is reality.
Or perhaps on a tennis court with walls around it.
People who say they are happy alone may be or they may be talking sour grapes--or "sweet lemons"
that is rationalizing that a sour situation is really better or sweet.


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## CindyLouWho (Aug 29, 2018)

Victor said:


> Imagine you are on a baseball or football field and you are totally alone.
> The only people who know you and will have personal conversations are on the sidelines
> or in the bullpen or the bench. Others are outside the stadium or park completely.  part of your
> life o_nly indirectly_.
> ...



Victor, I think I can empathize with your situation.  There surely are individuals out there in the world that truly enjoy being alone (loners), others who possibly might rationalize being alone as being "content" and "happy", because that is how they cope with their unchanging, seemingly inevitable situation, and then, of course, those who are truly alone and lonely and do not wish to be alone. 

For the people who are lonely and unhappy being alone, maybe the best solution is to first accept that you are alone, try to make the best of each day, in hopes that you're situation is temporary and that you will eventually, make friends or a special someone will come into your life.  I realize, as we get older it does seem more difficult to be motivated to put ourselves out there and try to develop meaningful relationships, especially, if you are one to stay in the comfort of your home and not venture out. 

I wish I knew the quick and easy answer.


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## C'est Moi (Aug 29, 2018)

Victor said:


> Imagine you are on a baseball or football field and you are totally alone.
> The only people who know you and will have personal conversations are on the sidelines
> or in the bullpen or the bench. Others are outside the stadium or park completely.  part of your
> life o_nly indirectly_.
> ...



Victor--I think you are defining "lonely" as opposed to "alone."   Many people truly do prefer their own company.   The older I get, the more I appreciate being left alone.   If I craved the company of others, I'd seek out senior centers where I could interact with people my age and experience.


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## CindyLouWho (Aug 29, 2018)

C'est Moi said:


> Victor--I think you are defining "lonely" as opposed to "alone."   Many people truly do prefer their own company.   The older I get, the more I appreciate being left alone.   If I craved the company of others, I'd seek out senior centers where I could interact with people my age and experience.



C'est Moi, I'm not sure in your case, but I think the big difference too to those who appreciate being left alone or to be alone and can say that...but they know they are going home to family members or friends that will be there, versus being alone, living by yourself and 24/7 alone time results in being lonely.  Each wants the opposite.


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## C'est Moi (Aug 29, 2018)

CindyLouWho said:


> C'est Moi, I'm not sure in your case, but I think the big difference too to those who appreciate being left alone or to be alone and can say that...but they know they are going home to family members or friends that will be there, versus being alone, living by yourself and 24/7 alone time results in being lonely.  Each wants the opposite.



I'm sure that's true for many people, Cindy.   I have never had the experience of being totally alone in the world, so alone time is something I look forward to.


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## CindyLouWho (Aug 29, 2018)

C'est Moi said:


> I'm sure that's true for many people, Cindy.   I have never had the experience of being totally alone in the world, so alone time is something I look forward to.


Oh, you are so fortunate, C'est Moi, best of both worlds, so to speak.

I had a that style of life until I divorced a few years back. It was like going through a horrible whirlwind....I fought my way back, but it flips what you once knew as normal upside down, as far as all the people that you didn't expect to leave your life, leave too.  Found out you don't just divorce the spouse, you are left quite alone. (Was fine with leaving spouse, for the better).

I'm young, relatively (50's), and refuse to give up or give in. Temporary situation, must be meant to be.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Oct 1, 2018)

oldal said:


> My granddaughter, her husband and 4 great grand kids live in my house with me. Even so, I am alone in my room 90% of the time. They have their own life and since I'm housebound, it almost never includes me. It's not like they don't like me, although sometimes I think it is, but they have their own lives and because of the multi generation gap we don't have anything in common except blood.
> 
> I'm not complaining, without them I could not live here and would probably have to go to the old folds home. They do the shopping and take care of the house, things I couldn't do myself. In return I provide them with free housing. I just need human contact so resort to the computer. I had very good friends on another site but they appear to be closed. I hope to make new friends here to maybe chat with and exchange ideas.



I'm sort of in that kind of situation except it's my daughter and son-in-law and two grands, and I'm not housebound. I have more than a room, a whole small apartment attached to their house, and I sometimes feel like they don't like me, too, then remind myself that they have their owns lives. I still do my own housekeeping and laundry, and join them for dinner on the rare occasions when my daughter cooks or when she sweet-talks me into cooking. 

It's the human contact I miss so when I'm not in the garden, I just surf from site to site looking for somebody to "talk" to.


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## Keesha (Oct 1, 2018)

C'est Moi said:


> Victor--I think you are defining "lonely" as opposed to "alone."   Many people truly do prefer their own company.   The older I get, the more I appreciate being left alone.   If I craved the company of others, I'd seek out senior centers where I could interact with people my age and experience.



I’ve gotta agree here. Some people enjoy their own company and don’t feel lonely when they are alone so there definitely IS a difference. I’m by myself 50% of the time and marinate in my alone time. 
Of course I’m not totally alone because I have two dogs that follow me around like shadows. 

I have friends and know where to go to interact with others if I ever want company and of course have a husband that’s here sometimes :laugh:but I never crave others people’s company and I don’t feel bad or like there is something seriously wrong with me. In fact I’m happy with being interverted loner.


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## Brent Stangel (Oct 4, 2018)

Nobody tells me I can't
Nobody tells me I shan't
No one to say, "You're doing it wrong"
I'm at my best, I'm where I belong: alone
*~The Pretenders*


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## WilliamArcuri (Oct 7, 2018)

Yes, I am also alone.


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## BadPenny (Oct 8, 2018)

Oh dear, I am so alone since my husband died 2 1/2 years ago.  I was always somewhat of a loner as I never feel like I fit in most of the time, but my time with Earl transcended all that, and we really never needed anyone but each other.  More than anything I miss the way he would smile anytime I walked into a room.  

I have family, a couple of brothers and a son, but I rarely speak with them and they don't visit me either. 

But I do have a support system.  I have played these online games for years, and my friends on them have really stepped up, and I feel less lonely because of them.  

It's only late at night, when the TV goes off for the day and things get quiet that I really suffer.  The silence is maddeningly quiet and there are many times I give up on sleep and get back up and turn on the TV just for noise, then it's back on the internet to play games.  I often wonder when I will return to normal.

The biggest obstacle I face now though is decision making.  Earl always handled the major life decisions.  He asked for my input, granted, but it was always his final word.  I struggle with my finances and prioritizing basic aspects of my life.  Sometimes I feel like I'm doomed to failure.


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## hollydolly (Oct 8, 2018)

BadPenny you're not doomed to failure...don't think like that  please. This is where we're a lucky generation because  we get to meet people at the tip of our fingers, we get to ask questions, we get to gain advice and wisdom from those we never meet but who care about us... We get to find clubs and meeting places that we might never have known about without this machine at our fingertips.. so please never feel alone or in despair, we're all out here for you all .. whenever you feel lonely just turn the computer on for a chat, whenever you need advice do the same thing..if none of us can help with anything, we can find information for advise for you.. but for all of you, who are lonely, please just come and chat with us, we're all here to be your friend, despite the distances between us !!


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## debodun (Oct 9, 2018)

I'm alone but not lonely. I never had any close relationships, so like the old saying - you don't miss what you never had. I find little ways to keep busy, even if it's working as a volunteer.


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## john19485 (Oct 9, 2018)

Were you in the pacific WW11 , my dad did the landings 





oldal said:


> My granddaughter, her husband and 4 great grand kids live in my house with me. Even so, I am alone in my room 90% of the time. They have their own life and since I'm housebound, it almost never includes me. It's not like they don't like me, although sometimes I think it is, but they have their own lives and because of the multi generation gap we don't have anything in common except blood.
> 
> I'm not complaining, without them I could not live here and would probably have to go to the old folds home. They do the shopping and take care of the house, things I couldn't do myself. In return I provide them with free housing. I just need human contact so resort to the computer. I had very good friends on another site but they appear to be closed. I hope to make new friends here to maybe chat with and exchange ideas.


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## Bajabob (Oct 9, 2018)

Debbie, my situation is something like yours. My 20-year relationship with my female domestic partner ended in April 2018, and the going has been rough for me. Even though I'm relieved of my sometimes bad, sometimes not bad at all caregiver duties, I'm challenged to reorient my life and make my existence meaningful. That's not an easy task, but I'm trying and will continue to try. What else can I do ?


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## Bajabob (Oct 9, 2018)

Bad Penny, my situation is somewhat like yours. I lost my twenty-year female domestic partner 6 months ago, and the going has been no picnic. But I have to get myself back on track emotionally. That's what life is about--dealing with setbacks, sometimes severe ones. I hope you and all the others in a similar situation can find your way to better times and back to feeling good about things. I don't know how to do that, but I'm trying.


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## john19485 (Oct 9, 2018)

Every person is different,  when I went home from the hospital . I think I was 22, I would not talk to anyone about what happen, so I had myself, it felt like I was having a heart attack a lot of the time , it hurt so bad at night, my dad was not doing so good, he was having heart trouble, I got remarried in a hurry to the wrong person , both our faults, it took me at least 20 years just to stop thinking about my first wife every moment, I would think I saw her in a car, along the road exc.. just took me along time, I married after my second wife, we have been married now for 45 years, we have raised three kids, have 11 grandchildren, I care for my wife deeply, but you know I'm still lonely, I pray sometimes at night for god to take me, that's all I have to say on the subject.


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## Olivia (Oct 10, 2018)

John, of course I don't know you and so I'm not speaking specifically about your circumstances, but with that you have brought up a  thought of mine when I allow myself to think about it, is that just being human as ourselves, even when being among other human beings, is actually a lonely thing. We live in our minds where no else can enter and we can't get to read anyone else's minds either. That makes us alone.


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## micdundee (Nov 24, 2018)

new to the forum. by your name and location a nc. gal?


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## Olivia (Nov 25, 2018)

micdundee said:


> new to the forum. by your name and location a nc. gal?



I'm not sure what gal you are referring to, but since I'm the closest gal to your post, I'm guessing that's me. No, I'm not from North Carolina, but Welcome to the Forums! And please introduce yourself in the Introduction Forum.


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## Trade (Nov 26, 2018)




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## Pete (Nov 29, 2018)

Aunt Bea said:


> I'm _at the other end_, LOL!  B



Other than being 35 minutes from my son and preferring this more solitary life you and I share a common lifestyle. 
In fact when I do go over to my sons place my vocal cords actually have to strain to speak because of not talking for so many days.

For me my only gripe is not having that one or two people I could reach out to when I needed to bounce some ideas off of.
Sure there are people in this new 'civilized' living arrangement I now have but they are 'civilized' and thus come with preconceived notions.
You would not believe some of the things we bounced off of one another and no one was ever judgemental
....why did I ever leave that home on the frontier


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## Aunt Bea (Nov 29, 2018)

Pete said:


> Other than being 35 minutes from my son and preferring this more solitary life you and I share a common lifestyle.
> In fact when I do go over to my sons place my vocal cords actually have to strain to speak because of not talking for so many days.
> 
> For me my only gripe is not having that one or two people I could reach out to when I needed to bounce some ideas off of.
> ...



Don't give up, Pete!

No matter what happens they can't take your memories.

Keep writing, keep telling your story, keep bouncing those ideas off of the people you meet and eventually one will bounce back.


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## Rosita (Dec 6, 2018)

*Seniors Living Alone  + How alone are you? reply to Debbiei n Seattle*



debbie in seattle said:


> I too, am alone.   My husband passed May 14, this year.    It’s terrible.    I have friends, but they’re married, have kids, grandkids, etc.   one of my daughters live in Az., the other not 10 miles away, but hates me, yes, hates me because she feels I should split the money my husband and I had prior to his death into thirds, naturally, 1/3 to her.   Yes, it’s crazy.   I am at a total loss, what do I do with all my time?    It’s terrible.



I feel alone too but I like it this way. I can look like a bag lady and I don't care.  My family (kids and siblings) are scattered all over and they have family of their own so when they remember to call of email is when I connect with them.  Also has a daughter that after buying a mobile home for her and her kids and paying for mobile home lot for 7 years for them, I transferred the title for her to pay to make rent payment to lot as I am retiring and will not have extra money.  Well after 2 months, lost the mobile home - non-payment of lot rental.  I was again faulted for abandoning her (she's 41 now - her father will not give me a divorce unless he has the kids (already in their teens) so I can pay child support which I did and had to pay twice (he sued me for back child support) as I gave the monies directly to the kids since he spending the money on the ponies. She cursed me and was called a bitch.  I had since said for her not to contact me.  In the meantime, I have her oldest child living with me as I sent her to take secretarial skills.  Sometimes it is better to be alone!


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## ronk (Dec 6, 2018)

I've lived alone for the majority of my adult life. I got married when I was 49 years old. (Late bloomer?!). It was a very lonely 5 years. I knew almost from the start that the marriage was a mistake. We agreed to part as friends. It was a bit of an adjustment for me. By that time I found it much harder to cope with housekeeping, shopping etc. At the same time many aspects of my life picked up! I got new dentures, started making YouTube videos etc. After a few years I stopped doing videos. Eventually I moved from Maine back to Minnesota to be near family. I moved into the same building as my brother. I hadn't seen him in over 30 years. I found the relationship stressful because he was so self-centered. Now my brother has moved into a nursing home.. he's too far away for me to visit. I miss him just a bit. I had limited our visits to once a week because that was about all I could stand. It's harder for me to cope with housecleaning, and grocery shopping. I sometimes fear that I'm being overwhelmed by everything, and may pass my remain days alone. But I insist that any relationship will be mutually beneficial.. No more family abuse for me.


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## Pete (Dec 7, 2018)

Aunt Bea said:


> keep bouncing those ideas off of the people you meet and eventually one will bounce back.



....as long as the one that bounces back is not at the end of a two by four!

thanks for the thoughts and that image brought a smile to this old mans face.


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## countrygal (Dec 10, 2018)

I've been on my own for 20 years now.  Haven't even really dated anyone. I've had the odd coffee date. My last relationship 20 years ago ended badly and I decided to take time to get to know me.  Of course I was only 47 years old then.  Now at 67 years old, I feel pretty invisible to the male species.  I am independent for sure but still wonder if I will ever meet someone to spend whatever years I have left.


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## Victor (Dec 19, 2018)

Curious, those living alone, how often do you have a social personal conversation
with someone (not business or medical) that lasts more than a few minutes--on phone
or in person?  For me it is weekly or so.


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## Pepper (Dec 19, 2018)

Everyday, Victor


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## countrygal (Dec 19, 2018)

just about every day with female friends...Victor.  I meet up with friends when my dog and I go hiking.  Plus I have a horse and lots of barn friends.  I also work part time at the farm so boarders stand around and chat.  And I still work full time as well so chat with co-workers at shift change.  The home I work at is single staffed.


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## arizonalone (Jan 10, 2019)

visit your daughter in Arizona and stop by Kingman so I can take you to dinner and share my 'like' woes with you! , Chuck from Az


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## fuzzybuddy (Jan 11, 2019)

I live alone. I also live in a fairly rural area. Plus, I'm disabled- I'm in a wheelchair. Now, I can't drive. That keeps me at home. Transportation is a big problem. A taxi ride to my neurologist costs me $40-50 ONE way. Also, I've been disabled for 18 years, and home bound, so my circle of friends has deteriorated.


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## arizonalone (Jan 11, 2019)

Sounds like you're hanging in there, Rick. I like your favorite books, but you left out Puff, mother and father! I'll bet a nice set of those would cost a pretty penny now! Keep your chin up, Chuck


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## Aunt Bea (Jan 11, 2019)

fuzzybuddy said:


> I live alone. I also live in a fairly rural area. Plus, I'm disabled- I'm in a wheelchair. Now, I can't drive. That keeps me at home. Transportation is a big problem. A taxi ride to my neurologist costs me $40-50 ONE way. Also, I've been disabled for 18 years, and home bound, so my circle of friends has deteriorated.



I'm confused fuzzy, I thought that you had relocated to an assisted living facility.

Are you back home?


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## fuzzybuddy (Jan 11, 2019)

Yeah, right now I'm at the home. I'm going back home in a week or two. But I'm going back to the same situation as before I got ill. While I  met some good friends here,at the home; I want to be back home, even if socializing is limited.


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## Catlady (Jan 11, 2019)

fuzzybuddy said:


> Yeah, right now I'm at the home. I'm going back home in a week or two. But I'm going back to the same situation as before I got ill. While I  met some good friends here,at the home; I want to be back home, even if socializing is limited.



At this stage in your life situation, you need some help with care.  I remember reading that you were looking at selling your big rural place and moving to a more central location closer to available help.  Here in AZ we have a Council of Aging where they can look at your situation and either give you or suggest help.  Do you have something like that there, where someone can come to your house and analyze your situation and options?  If you're in a wheelchair your independence is already compromised and limited.  Take care of yourself.


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## Aunt Bea (Jan 11, 2019)

fuzzybuddy said:


> Yeah, right now I'm at the home. I'm going back home in a week or two. But I'm going back to the same situation as before I got ill. While I met some good friends here,at the home; I want to be back home, even if socializing is limited.



I hope you reconsider.

I hate to see you go back to a life of isolation especially if you have had to give up driving.

Good luck, fuzzy!


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## Linda (Jan 15, 2019)

Socializing is real important at our age fuzzybuddy.  I hope you decide to stay at the home.


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## Old Dummy (Feb 17, 2019)

I'm new here, nice to "meet" you all!

I live alone, in the woods, on a dirt road in the boonies of NYS (yes, we have boonies) -- I've been here since 1982. Twice divorced, no kids, I am 68 now, BD coming up in August. Self-employed at home since 1985, still working because I enjoy it and it gives me a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

My main social function is going to the diner in the nearest town (one traffic light) five miles away. My main lunch buddies are 78 and 84 -- who make me feel young. We have a great time for an hour til it closes at 1 PM. Small town, everybody knows everybody, there are no secrets.

I'm enjoying life such that it is, in reasonably good health, although I would like a woman in my life somehow. But that isn't going to happen, so I'm just coasting along, taking life as it is, realizing that I cannot stay here forever.

The biggest negative in my life right now is estate planning. I hate all of it; it is the worst thing I've had to do in my life. So far, nothing has really been done.


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## Catlady (Feb 17, 2019)

Old Dummy said:


> I'm new here, nice to "meet" you all!  I'm enjoying life such that it is, in reasonably good health, although I would like a woman in my life somehow.



Welcome!  You mean there are no single women in that small town that you can have a ''friend with benefits'' relationship with, or you don't want people to know about it?  One of the many things I don't like about small towns is that everybody knows your business, and I'm very big on privacy, although the other side of the coin is that if they don't see you they know something is wrong and will come to help (you're not invisible).  Good luck!


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## Old Dummy (Feb 17, 2019)

PVC said:


> Welcome!  You mean there are no single women in that small town that you can have a ''friend with benefits'' relationship with, or you don't want people to know about it?  One of the many things I don't like about small towns is that everybody knows your business, and I'm very big on privacy, although the other side of the coin is that if they don't see you they know something is wrong and will come to help (you're not invisible).  Good luck!



Thanks for the kind note. 

I wouldn't care who did or didn't know if I had a GF, nothing like that. It's more of a medical problem.


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## Aneeda72 (Mar 3, 2019)

Oldal, I am in the process of reading this tread and really wanted to reply to your post.  I have only been on one other forum, it was for people with spinal problems; and a lot of them were alone.  They felt family and friends had left because of their disabilities and/or chronic pain conditions.  I saw it differently.

Which is why I want to know why do you stay in your room 90% of the time?  They live in YOUR house with YOU!  I am somewhat house bound.  My doctors perfer I don't drive and I have enough sense to not drive when I am not well enough.  But if my family lived in my house with my husband and me, lol, I would so be in their face!

The multi generation gap should be in your favor, especially with the children.  Drag out the old photos, show them to the kids, tell the old stories, use the salty language if you want.  Since these are great grandchildren, the parents must be grandchildren (?).  They should be grateful to you for the living space-rent is horrendous and hard to find a place to take 4 children.

Insert yourself into their lives!  Watch tv with them, eat meals with them, ask them to take you out, if you want to go out.  How on earth did you end up in your room?  Please don't spend the rest of your life in your room.  Believe me when I say you could get a perfectly nice family of strangers to move in, include you in their lives, and do what your family does for you.

Now this is easy for me to say and hard for you to do.  I don't know you, the complete situation or the family situation.  But try and start small if you want.  Include yourself.  Cause they may be thinking since you never join in, you don't like them.  Also, try to have a conversation about how you'd like to be included.  I'll will keep you in my thoughts!


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## MannyGT (Mar 3, 2019)

Old Dummy said:


> The biggest negative in my life right now is estate planning. I hate all of it; it is the worst thing I've had to do in my life. So far, nothing has really been done.



You stated that you are legally divorced and have no kids, so estate planning (if necessary) or simply writing your own will should suffice. There are plenty of sites that will gladly help in figuring out what's best for you. If you have any special interest groups that you want to leave something to, or you have pets that need to be taken care of after you have passed  then simply put that in writing. It may be a good idea to have someone sign your will as a witness.


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## Aneeda72 (Mar 3, 2019)

I read this entire thread and found it terribly interesting.  The subject was "How alone are you?".  Most people who live alone responded.  I actually expected more responses, as well, from people in my situation-socially isolated.  I live with a husband who still works and spends a lot of time alone with his dog in his room.  I suspects he likes the dog more than me.

I am technically, not alone.  Maybe I shouldn't post here.  But then again I feel alone so maybe I should.  At least I am left alone a great deal of the time.  I am pretty sure, for most of the time, I don't like either of them-the husband or the dog.

I don't/can't drive much anymore.  I wanted to live in an apartment and finally convinced him to sell the house and move.  There was just enough social interaction to suit me just fine.  Three months later, he bought another house.  A very large house, he's on one floor-I'm on another.  We live separate lives.  He socializes at work.  Everyone is younger in the neighborhood, everyone works, I am alone, again.

I just bought a new puppy to interact with.  I play a computer game, I watch a lot of TV, read a little, genealogy research, organize my photos, and try to fill my day as much as possible when I am well enough.  I interact with my children as much as I can through texting.  They both have busy lives.

Once a month I have the entire family over for lunch.  Depending on their schedule, 10 to 15 of them show up.

But I am alone.


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## Nihil (Mar 4, 2019)

I test 100% extravert (Jung's spelling). I'm always alone, even in a crowd. My father, as crazy and manipulative as we was, was my only family. I have a small family now consisting of my Gf and her daughter, who calls me "dad". My GF is different than I. We have fun when I do the things she wants to do, because I'm easily entertained. However, she refuses to do the things I like. My daughter doesn't like to board game, but she's a Dungeon Master online. I'm not invited, as I'm too old, and I'm dad.

I've been an absurdist (that's a nihilist who grins and bears it) all my life. So, my points of view clash with almost everyone. I'm also very sensitive, so I'm considered too effeminate by men. Women are too busy with their schemes to hang out, but many will talk to me for a while.

I do bond with the 7 cats here. They need and give a lot of love.


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## Trade (Mar 4, 2019)

Nihil said:


> I test 100% extravert (Jung's spelling).



I test 100% introvert. So that explains a lot.


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## Nihil (Mar 4, 2019)

Trade said:


> I test 100% introvert. So that explains a lot.



To what are you referring?


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## Nihil (Mar 4, 2019)

I don't like people as much as they don't like me. 








However, I'm the life of the party.


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## Catlady (Mar 4, 2019)

Trade said:


> I test 100% introvert. So that explains a lot.



I don't know if I'm 100% introvert, but I'm close to it.  Where is this test, can you give me the link?  
Nihil, are you sure you mean extrovert, you sound like an introvert?  You said,  "I'm always alone, even in a crowd."


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## Nihil (Mar 4, 2019)

PVC said:


> I don't know if I'm 100% introvert, but I'm close to it.  Where is this test, can you give me the link?



Here's a test that includes extraversion/introversion.

https://www.16personalities.com/



PVC said:


> Nihil, are you sure you mean extrovert, you sound like an introvert?  You said,  "I'm always alone, even in a crowd."



That's because I'm an ENTJ.

https://www.16personalities.com/entj-personality


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## Catlady (Mar 4, 2019)

Thanks, Nihil!  I am supposed to be ISTJ-T, a Logistician, 100% introvert


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## Nihil (Mar 4, 2019)

PVC said:


> Thanks, Nihil!  I am supposed to be ISTJ-T, a Logistician, 100% introvert



You are welcome. I'm pretty sure my dad was an ISTJ.


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## Trade (Mar 4, 2019)

Took it again. Got the same as I always do. INTP. 100% introvert.


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## Olivia (Mar 5, 2019)

I think in general people know what they are and how they interact with other people and the world. Taking tests just more or less is interesting to confirm what they already know about themselves. I took the Myers Briggs test at work in my early 30's and I doubt that I have changed much. But I'm going to go dig it out from one of my boxes of things to remember exactly what the result was.


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## Old Dummy (Mar 8, 2019)

MannyGT said:


> You stated that you are legally divorced and have no kids, so estate planning (if necessary) or simply writing your own will should suffice. There are plenty of sites that will gladly help in figuring out what's best for you. If you have any special interest groups that you want to leave something to, or you have pets that need to be taken care of after you have passed  then simply put that in writing. It may be a good idea to have someone sign your will as a witness.



I wish it were that easy. The problems won't come after I croak, but before. I need to burden someone with being a health-care proxy and power-of-attorney. This burden could go on for years -- all depending on my health and whether I die quickly or not. Then there has to be an executor to see that things go as they should after I croak. Even when it's all laid out legal and proper with an attorney there can be gigantic problems. 

If I was a bum this would all be SO easy. But that's not the case.


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## Old Dummy (Mar 8, 2019)

Heh, introvert/extrovert. Never paid any attention to those terms til a friend told me a few years ago that I was an introvert. I read a couple of books about it and yes indeed, I am a classic case.

Contrary to some posts above, from what I read nobody is 100% one way or the other.


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## MeAgain (Mar 9, 2019)

I like crowds and being with the herd but only get real close to a very few.


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## Snowbound (Mar 10, 2019)

I guess on the "other" end of the spectrum.  I live completely alone, not by choice, but circumstance.  I ended a difficult marriage and moved to another state, where for many years, I felt like an outsider.  I've had a couple of difficult relationships during this time, but as of now - nothing.  I do have one close friend, but would like to have a few more.  Being an introvert, it's hard for me to put myself into social situations, other than church.


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## OneEyedDiva (Mar 23, 2019)

I became a widow 3 months ago.  But I have family that I'm very close to.  My son, DIL, my son's ex, my grandchildren, sister, nieces and nephew all live within a mile or few miles away. My sister has family dinners and cookouts often and my husband and I used to go a few times a year. I will continue to go, of course. We also get together to go shopping and do lunch. I see my son and grandchildren enough that I don't feel alone. I have friends that call me...one is actually my best online friend who calls a couple of times a week, as well as keeping up on Facebook.  I call her my Li'l Sis.  My BFF is busy touring but manages to keep up with me, especially during the time my husband was so ill and after he passed. I'm very close to my DIL and my son's ex...they are like real daughters to me. Also I have a couple of neighbor friends I chat with occasionally. The loneliest thing I face is that I want someone to travel with, at least sometimes and everyone is either busy working, are ailing or cannot afford it.


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## debbie in seattle (Apr 5, 2019)

Just reread this post.  My husband will be gone a year in 3 weeks, I’ll make it, I’m sure of it.   I stay busy, have some wonderful friends but they have their own lives and husbands, etc.   I find myself only buying groceries for a couple of days just so I can do something, that is to get out of the house and go somewhere.   I’m still walking, every single day.   That’s my therapy, per se, know every dog in the neighborhood and their owners enough to say hi to, though I realize I enjoy the dogs more than most the owners.   I go to lunch at least once every 10 days with various friends and with a husband/wife couple to happy hour.   The wife loves it because her husband has someone new (me) to tell his stories she’s heard a million times already.   Nights are still scary to me, why, I don’t know.   I’ve managed quite a bit of travel adventures, all were ok, I proved to myself I could do it and currently that’s what matters.   My dating life is zero, but I’ve convinced myself when it happens, it happens.  All in due time I guess.   I’m viewing this phase of my life a new phase.   First phase was me the kid living with my parents, second phase was me, my husbands wife and now i’m in the old(ish) lady alone phase.   My youngest daughter has been wonderful, beyond wonderful.   I’m contemplating driving to Scottsdale alone from Seattle but I don’t know......yea, I could fly as I usually do, just want to prove to myself yes, I can do this too.    My eldest daughter, who still hates me, has yet to reach out, I’m glad in a way, less drama in my life right now.   
Life goes on, I can jump on the merry go round and make the best of it all or be unhappy the rest of my days.


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## AZ Jim (Apr 5, 2019)

debbie in seattle said:


> Thanks everyone, absolutely agree about no decisions for at least a year.   I have friends and go and do, but in the back of my mind is always, “What do I do when I get home, I’m alone again.”   Intellectually, I know that’s stupid,  can’t have someone with me 24x7.   Nights are the absolutely the worse!!!!      Not emotionally ready for volunteering for anything right now.   JUST WANT MY OLD LIFE BACK.  I was all for getting a dog, but now have poopoo’d that, can’t even think about a goldfish.


 We share so much Debbie....I could have written your post.


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## debbie in seattle (Apr 6, 2019)

Sad lives aren’t they?    Gotta forge ahead and make the best of it.


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## Mollypops (Apr 6, 2019)

I have been divorced for 25 years and have lived alone for many of those years except for those that my son still lived at home. I do have times that I feel somewhat alone, but I do keep myself quite active in many things including making myself a regular at the gym for workouts and swimming. During this time I have met the company of men who have been in my position and a few of these men I have struck up conversations with I have even gone out on dates with and have kept company with. So I suppose I am such a busy body and quite the out going "Type A " personality that I search out people for company if I need it. So I really haven't had that much time during my divorced years where I have really felt alone.


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## TabbyAnn (Apr 6, 2019)

*Home Alone*

I was fine living alone with only one relative and one friend in this area
until a recent accident when I was incapacitated and the friend was
out of the state and the relative tied up with a sick spouse requiring
hospitalization, and I realized I should have made more social friends.
Can anyone recommend a good friendship site for seniors where you 
can meet others in your region? I'm in Indiana in the U.S.


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## Catlady (Apr 6, 2019)

TabbyAnn said:


> I was fine living alone with only one relative and one friend in this area
> until a recent accident when I was incapacitated and the friend was
> out of the state and the relative tied up with a sick spouse requiring
> hospitalization, and I realized I should have made more social friends.
> ...



The best way to make new friends is to meet people that share your interests.  Try https://[B]www.meetup.com[/B]


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## Linda (Apr 6, 2019)

TabbyAnn, do you have a senior center in your area?  That might be a good place try.  I know someone who used to use meetup.com and they liked it.


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## Ruthanne (Apr 15, 2019)

I don't fully understand your question but I am alone and rather like it except for the fact if I get very ill there is no one to turn to.  I have my wonderful pets for company and they have been so much better than any SO I have had.


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## Leann (Apr 17, 2019)

I was more alone in my marriage and that prepared me well for life after divorce, which was more than a decade ago. The transition certainly had difficult days and months and all the while, life has to go on. In my youth I was afraid to be alone. But life has a way of putting our fears in front of us so we can look at them and deal with them. It took decades until I felt comfortable being alone. But now I am. It has helped me build confidence because I have had to learn how to do things on my own and deal with issues by myself. 

Being alone does not mean I'm lonely. I'm fortunate to have friends locally and long-distance, family that stays in regular touch and that I see often and activities that keep me busy. I've had a few short-term relationships since my divorce but nothing permanent. And I'm okay with that. If and when the right man comes in to my life, it will be wonderful. If it doesn't happen, I'm okay with that, too. I have a life that I love and am grateful for all of it.


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## DaveA (Apr 17, 2019)

Having family close both physically and over the phone, e-mail, etc., is a huge boost when your personal life sort of collapses, whether through the death of a mate or a separation/divorce.  They (the family) are already there for you but sometimes it's difficult to look for new friends under stressful circumstances.

Glad to hear that *you* have both friends and family nearby.


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## AZ Jim (Apr 17, 2019)

My departed wife and I were best friends and each others main company, when she passed 1/30/19 my life more or less ended too.  I struggle.  I try to carry on because I know that's what she would want...I'm old so I won't be here all that long anyhow then I'll see my baby again in the hereafter.


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## Raven (Apr 17, 2019)

My husband passed away 2 years ago and after living in our home for 8 months I sold it and moved closer to my son.
I only see him about once a week as he is busy working.
My grandson recently moved so he is not close enough to drop in for a visit anymore and I was very close with him.
So I live alone in a small house and I find the weekends and holidays are the loneliest for me.

I love to garden and will be planting annual flowers as soon as it warms up here.
I like to read and visit the library often for new books.
I just try to stay busy.


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## Malika (Aug 10, 2019)

[IQUOTE="Victor, post: 858553, member: 1951"]
Living alone  runs the gamut or range from totally alone at one extreme
to very sociable and outgoing at the other end.
I have known people who live alone but friends, club members and or family members constantly call
and they frequently go out and enjoy. They live alone but that is all. They are rarely
lonely and not for long.

At the other end, those who live alone (not counting pets)
rarely or never get calls to talk or hang out together. This may be fairly
recent or your entire adult life. No human ever to come home to. After your college years
are over, only occasional friends, BFs and GFs  and some dates.
No one cares about your weekend or even asks. You don't know what it is like to
have someone care about you, except possibly your parents. One could die and no one
would know.


Which group do you fit in?  Or in between?
[/QUOTE]
 I am totally alone. No social life at all, only my brother calls every now and then from another state. 
My tv, this forum and trips to go shopping is the only socializing I do. I am thinking of getting a small dog for company. I need to take care of another breathing being, so I can feel useful in this world.


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## Ruthanne (Aug 10, 2019)

Same as you.  I got a dog 6 years ago and it helped a lot but I get lonesome for humans.


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## Catlady (Aug 10, 2019)

I LOVE being alone, I seem to need privacy more than normal.  I have many cats and between them, the TV, the computer and some forums, a penpal, reading, and occasional errands I get all the company I need.  I find it much less stressful than dealing with people's dramas and relationship disappointments.  I'm the type that likes to be ''*among* people but not *with* people''.


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## Marie5656 (Aug 10, 2019)

@PVC  You are my kind of person.  I have only been "alone" since April.  But once I am becoming more used to it, I am enjoying it more.  Only thing I am lacking is the cats.  But they will be added at some time in the future.
Sometimes I feel lonely, and in need of company, but that is when I ,make plans to go out and, like you, be among people.  Out to lunch, or a visit.  Something brief, and under my own control, I can end the interaction in a timely manner.


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## Morningglory (Oct 5, 2019)

Aunt Bea said:


> Victor,
> 
> I'm _at the other end_, LOL!
> 
> ...


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## Morningglory (Oct 5, 2019)

Hi Aunt Bee, i know how you feel about lonely, my worst days are Saturday don't know why, I try to stay busy, but not interested in much of anything anymore, terrible feeling.


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## RadishRose (Oct 5, 2019)

Morningglory said:


> Hi Aunt Bee, i know how you feel about lonely, my worst days are Saturday don't know why, I try to stay busy, but not interested in much of anything anymore, terrible feeling.



I know how you feel. Sometimes I feel the same way, but just have to get on with it. 

Post things to the forum here. If you're interested in other people, there's plenty for you here.


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## Keesha (Oct 5, 2019)

Hi morning glory. That’s a lovely name. 
This site has the best members ever . 
Whenever you feel lonely, come and chat it up with us. We are a fun and exciting group who can be great company.


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## Lakeland living (Oct 5, 2019)

Then there are those others.....


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## Keesha (Oct 5, 2019)

True LL. 
There’s a large variety here


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## Old Dummy (Oct 5, 2019)

Ha, well here's a little pathetic levity for y'all:

I've been living alone for 12 years; I have no kids. Most of my social life involves going to the local diner and arguing and laughing with the other old men. Sometimes there are women around, and that changes the whole dynamic -- for the better. 

I have some long-time good friends who are always there if I need them, and for that I am grateful. But they are not among the people I see at the diner every day.

Being alone at this end of life is pretty pathetic. Despite having said that, I am enjoying it -- it's just different than it used to be.

The best part of my life was when I was 18-20: Out of high school, living at home, a dresser full of clean clothes, three squares a day, had a full time job, had a brand-new '68 Camaro, I could legally drink, and I had a girlfriend. Little did I know it would be the best time of my life.

Oh well, ya can't turn back the clock.


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## Marie5656 (Oct 5, 2019)

*I have felt I have been doing OK for the last few months.  But now the colder weather is coming, and the prospect of some winter time isolation, I am feeling pretty alone.  A bit lonely too.  I need to become more active, socially, this winter than I usually am.*


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## Keesha (Oct 5, 2019)

Marie5656 said:


> *I have felt I have been doing OK for the last few months.  But now the colder weather is coming, and the prospect of some winter time isolation, I am feeling pretty alone.  A bit lonely too.  I need to become more active, socially, this winter than I usually am.*


Go tobogganing. 
We will always keep you company Marie.


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## Marie5656 (Oct 5, 2019)

Keesha said:


> Go tobogganing.
> We will always keep you company Marie. ❤



*Ummm...no.  Last time I did anything close was in college...cafeteria tray sledding. We turned it into an Olympic event, LOL

Thanks for the ccompany...I can use it. We are all good for eacho ther*


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## Catlady (Oct 6, 2019)

I TRULY think this forum keeps us Senior members sane and from falling over the edge.  I am a born loner and love my privacy, but whenever I feel a smidgen lonely I come to this forum and get my ''human fix'' and then am okay.  Thanks ladies and gents!


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## Camper6 (Oct 6, 2019)

I am lucky.  I live alone but in an apartment there is always someone around so it's not that bad.
Also I go out for coffee every morning with friends.  If I miss they check up to see if I'm o.k.
I have a goldfish who greets me every morning with a swimming display until I feed him (or her) I don't know how to tell.
It's important to get out no matter what the weather and just go somewhere  that is busy with people for awhile.


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## Pecos (Oct 6, 2019)

This thread is an eye opener, and I am off to give my wife a big hug because I have not experienced loneliness in the 35 years we have been married.

When we first retired, we did not understand that there is more than one phase to retirement. The early retirement years are vastly different than the later years when health issues and changing interests become such big factors. This thread reinforces my belief that my wife and I are doing the right thing in planning to move to a Senior Independent Living facility that is located closer to family. I am 76 now and want to be there by the time I am 83. Right now we are on the opposite coast which is where our careers "deposited" us.

My wife is a bit on the extroverted side and I am a little bit introverted, both of us need to interact with people on a regular basis and our neighborhood has changed so much over the last 25 years that we don't always feel like we belong here. Our friends are getting old just like us and we cannot burden them, especially if we lose the ability to drive or become disabled.

Early last year I visited a senior living place in Washington State and immediately recognized it as where I want my wife to be if I leave the planet. I look forward to living there as well. It is a beautiful facility with lots of natural light, excellent security, nice ground and a fabulous dining room. My lunch there was excellent, and I met two ladies from our home town here in SC who lived there. One of them turned out to be the sister of our lawyer. I took that to be an omen. There were a lot of happy looking, lively seniors enjoying each others company in that dining room. I visited that evening and found that they had a chess tournament going on. The people living there ranged from 55 year old Doctors and Professors (who just found it a convenient way to live) up to people in their late 90's. It will be pricey, but not unreasonable when the only bill we are likely to have is for car insurance and our cell phones.

If I leave the planet, I don't want my wife to be stuck rattling around in this big house cooking for one and having to deal with lawn service, home repairs and all that other stuff that drives one crazy when we get older. She would get very lonely in a hurry. I also think that giving up home maintenance, cooking and cleaning will enhance our ability to do charity work, and travel. She will visit the facility in the near future to decide what furniture should go when we move. She has a good eye for these things.

A couple of things need to happen before we put our house up for sale and move: our lovable 18 year old cat need to come to the end of her natural life, I need to get surgery on my left eye this winter, and should probably complete the hormone therapy for my prostrate. Our move is likely to be determined by our cat who is pretty healthy for her age.

Does anyone else on this forum live in a facility like this? It is not assisted living, although that facility is a short walk down the sidewalk and won't require driving to visit. We will have our two Bichons and at least one car.


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## Camper6 (Oct 6, 2019)

I visited an expensive facility in my city.

Very nice but everyone seemed so serious and no one was smiling.

I will stay here as long as I can. Independence is nice.


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## Marie5656 (Oct 6, 2019)

PVC said:


> I TRULY think this forum keeps us Senior members sane and from falling over the edge.  I am a born loner and love my privacy, but whenever I feel a smidgen lonely I come to this forum and get my ''human fix'' and then am okay.  Thanks ladies and gents!



*I agree with you. I am a privacy nut too, who prefers company at my terms.
Sometimes, I am concerned that feeling alone, or lonely will turn into feeling sorry for myself.  I do not want that to happen.  I try not to sit in my chair like a lump. I try to keep busy, or at least have a semblance of activity other than just sitting in front of the TV.  
I just came back from a brief shopping trip to get a few things I need to continue organizing the house.  Including a long needed sturdy step ladder, to reach the high shelves in the place without having to always call someone to come over.  I can not get rid of the small step stool I had, that used to make Rick nuts when he saw me try to use it without falling off.  He told me he never wanted me to use it if he was not at home.  Well..he is not here any more, so I had to do something.  *


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## J-Kat (Nov 23, 2019)

Like KingsX I was raised as basically an only child.  I was born "as an afterthought" to parents who were in their 40's and my siblings (brothers) were grown and out of the house.  I never married, never really wanted to.  I enjoyed my career and spent what free time I had taking care of my elderly parents until they passed away.  Before I knew it retirement came along.  So, I've lived alone for most of my adult life.  Parents deceased, one brother deceased, the other is in poor health and I only hear from him occasionally and only if I initiate the contact.  None of the extended family (nieces, nephews, etc.) live in my town so I am fairly isolated here.  I don't meet people very easily and I think that may come from feelings of rejection I experienced when I was much younger.   But, I do have some friends from my working days that I see and have dinner with 2-3 times a year.  I keep busy taking care of my house and the dogs.  I read a lot, watch tv, etc.  I still drive and can care for myself, prepare meals, shop, etc. so I don't worry about living alone.  I can't say I get lonely though I do wish at times that I had someone who might enjoy going out to dinner, movies, maybe travel occasionally.


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## Homeschoolie (Nov 23, 2019)

paxtonstafford said:


> These are Cipolla's five fundamental laws of stupidity:
> Always and inevitably each of us underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation.
> The probability that a given person is stupid is independent of any other characteristic possessed by that person.
> A person is stupid if they* cause damage to another person or group of people* without experiencing personal gain, or even worse causing damage to themselves in the process.
> ...


Yes, totally true....unfortunately I am surrounded where I live by stupid people who "cause damage to another person or group of people without experiencing personal gain, or even worse causing damage to themselves in the process."

And, if we bring it to their attention or try to help educate them they exponentially and relentlessly* increase the behavior *and continue to do so  until they take their last breath.
We have personally observed people who have been retaliating for decades against whoever said something to them about their unacceptable attacks/abuse of others and the harm or potential harm to others!

And even when the person/group of people are moved away or are gone, they are still attacking and abusing  them. Often we have observed behavior that is harming them and/or their families but they are hell bent on "I will show you", Here take that", "nobody can tell me what I cant do". It is a culture/large segment of our society that, well, basically are 24/7 evildoers to everyone around them". Good grief such insanity!


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## Autumn72 (Nov 30, 2019)

Aunt Bea said:


> Victor,
> 
> I'm _at the other end_, LOL!
> 
> ...


I too àm alone, too alone.


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## Old Dummy (Dec 1, 2019)

Here's a pathetic(?) example of enjoying being alone. This only happens during the winter -- today it is in the 20s with light snow falling. During warm weather I am out Vetting on Sundays.

But today I will watch 3 football games -- that's 9 hours of sitting on my butt. But this is not the norm, which is one or two Sunday games. But in September/October when it is still nice out I will NOT sit on the couch all day watching football.

Another upside to today: I am making a new stew recipe, which is something I like doing during winter -- but not during the summer!

I will not see any human beings today (unless they are walking down the road, and I happen to notice them). That is neither good nor bad, but I don't like doing it for more than one day. I do need the human interaction after a day of "hermiting."

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!


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## Catlady (Dec 1, 2019)

Old Dummy said:


> I will not see any human beings today (unless they are walking down the road, and I happen to notice them). That is neither good nor bad, but I don't like doing it for more than one day. I do need the human interaction after a day of "hermiting."



I'm such a loner that just talking to you guys on this forum and watching people walking or driving in my street is enough to satisfy my ''human interaction".  On the other hand, I would probably go insane if I didn't have my cats to keep me company.


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## Old Dummy (Dec 1, 2019)

Catlady said:


> I'm such a loner that just talking to you guys on this forum and watching people walking or driving in my street is enough to satisfy my ''human interaction".  On the other hand, I would probably go insane if I didn't have my cats to keep me company.



Haha, yes, I have two cats who are great company -- but they do not replace human beings. 

Mine are litter-mates, will be 15 in January. They are only a few months old here:


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## Catlady (Dec 1, 2019)

Old Dummy said:


> Haha, yes, I have two cats who are great company -- but they do not replace human beings.
> 
> Mine are litter-mates, will be 15 in January. They are only a few months old here:


You probably don't know yet, I am the proud Mama to 14 cats, the oldest is almost 12 and the youngest are 3.  Love them ALL!  Had 3, then adopted two stray mamas with baby kittens (2-3 months old).  They're all indoor cats for their safety.


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## Kaila (Dec 1, 2019)

If I was a stray kitty, I know which home I would wander by!


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## oldal (Dec 1, 2019)

I live with my Granddaughter and her family, husband, and 3 Great-grand kids. I am housebound, can walk around the house, but that's all. They are gone or sleeping 80% of the time. I feel so alone, which causes anxiety attacks. I  live on my computer, without it I would rather not live.


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## oldman (Dec 2, 2019)

oldal said:


> I live with my Granddaughter and her family, husband, and 3 Great-grand kids. I am housebound, can walk around the house, but that's all. They are gone or sleeping 80% of the time. I feel so alone, which causes anxiety attacks. I  live on my computer, without it I would rather not live.


I find your words sad. In this day and age, the only people that should be alone are those that choose to live that way. I can understand your panic attacks. Being alone is far different from the type of life most of us want to live. I was in the people business when I flew for United and welcoming passengers onboard was encouraged by the airline, which is not done so much anymore. 

You will find many people from many different walks of life and many different backgrounds to speak with via the forum. It's because of human nature that people like to speak about themselves, their interests, past jobs, experiences, etc.


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## oldman (Dec 2, 2019)

J-Kat said:


> Like KingsX I was raised as basically an only child.  I was born "as an afterthought" to parents who were in their 40's and my siblings (brothers) were grown and out of the house.  I never married, never really wanted to.  I enjoyed my career and spent what free time I had taking care of my elderly parents until they passed away.  Before I knew it retirement came along.  So, I've lived alone for most of my adult life.  Parents deceased, one brother deceased, the other is in poor health and I only hear from him occasionally and only if I initiate the contact.  None of the extended family (nieces, nephews, etc.) live in my town so I am fairly isolated here.  I don't meet people very easily and I think that may come from feelings of rejection I experienced when I was much younger.   But, I do have some friends from my working days that I see and have dinner with 2-3 times a year.  I keep busy taking care of my house and the dogs.  I read a lot, watch tv, etc.  I still drive and can care for myself, prepare meals, shop, etc. so I don't worry about living alone.  I can't say I get lonely though I do wish at times that I had someone who might enjoy going out to dinner, movies, maybe travel occasionally.


Quite honestly, I kind of envy you. I was born with one older sister who is house bound due to her Agoraphobia, so if I want to visit or see her, I am the one that has to make the effort to go see her. I say that because I must call before I visit. Like Jerry Seinfeld once said on his show, "No drop-ins." You also get to pick and chose when, where and how you will manage your life. About the only thing I would change is to find myself a part time companion and believe me, they are out there.


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## oldman (Dec 2, 2019)

Old Dummy said:


> Here's a pathetic(?) example of enjoying being alone. This only happens during the winter -- today it is in the 20s with light snow falling. During warm weather I am out Vetting on Sundays.
> 
> But today I will watch 3 football games -- that's 9 hours of sitting on my butt. But this is not the norm, which is one or two Sunday games. But in September/October when it is still nice out I will NOT sit on the couch all day watching football.
> 
> ...


I have a friend from my working years that has made watching sports on TV, namely college and pro football and college and pro basketball, his hobby. We flew together quite often and I thought we were almost like brothers during those years. However, once he retired and took up watching sports on TV, he wouldn't miss a game even if his life depended on it. Yes, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea. 

I had tickets to go see ZZ Top and Jackson Browne right after we retired, but he didn't want to miss the Packers-Cowboys game that year. I told him to DVR the game, but he told me that he only enjoys it if the game is live, so that way, he doesn't know who won.


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## Catlady (Dec 2, 2019)

oldman said:


> Quite honestly, I kind of envy you. I was born with one older sister who is house bound due to her Agoraphobia, so if I want to visit or see her, I am the one that has to make the effort to go see her. I say that because I must call before I visit. Like Jerry Seinfeld once said on his show, "No drop-ins." You also get to pick and chose when, where and how you will manage your life. About the only thing I would change is to find myself a part time companion and believe me, they are out there.


I have an aversion to ''drop-ins''.  I simply don't answer the door if I'm not in the mood for company or have made other plans (like taking a nap or ready for a meal).  THEY are doing things at their convenience and timeline, not mine, so why should I disrupt my life for theirs.

Re your agoraphobia sister, how does she handle grocery shopping, other chores, doctor etc visits?  How long has she been one?  I saw a series once with an agoraphobic, but he was young and had friends that visited often and brought him stuff he needed.  I don't think the show talked about doctor visits and the issue of income and stuff.  I'm a partial recluse and hate going out of the house but I'm not panicky about it.


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## CrackerJack (Dec 2, 2019)

I live alone after my Husband passed away suddenly and unexpectedly in 2015. I am in my mid 70's. I have no desire to move and downsize and love my home.

I come under the first category in a few ways. The shock and grieving is so terrible but I cope day in day out. I have good family not too far away. My personality is outgoing and I like being with people I like and trust; friends, associates and being out amongst people.

I am slowly adapting and adjusting to living solo; have discovered an inner strength and need for personal privacy which my home affords. Must be like my old Mum who was widowed at the age of 57 in 1966 and lived alone intil dhe was 84 devoting her time to us her family and looking after her property. She loved my Dad and never wanted another man to share her life with and I am the same but I do have two men friend/ companions and I feel comfy with them and they with me.  I can say that I am alone but not lonely.

Yes,  doing voluntary work can be most rewarding and can give a feeling of belonging and doing good works in a community.

My heart goes out to anyone living alone and feeling desperately lonely for whatever reason.


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## Catlady (Dec 2, 2019)

CrackerJack said:


> I can say that I am alone but not lonely.



THAT is a very important distinction.  Most people confuse being alone with being lonely, they're two very different mindsets.


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## CrackerJack (Dec 2, 2019)

Catlady said:


> THAT is a very important distinction.  Most people confuse being alone with being lonely, they're two very different mindsets.



Absolutely Catlady. You have confirmed my feelings as to the difference. It has taken me these five years to come to realise this subtle inner feeling. Others I know well
who are widowed say the same and somehow we cope. To reach the stage when you know the difference is in a small way coming to terms with a new life style.

Thank you for your encouraging post.


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## oldman (Dec 2, 2019)

Catlady said:


> I have an aversion to ''drop-ins''.  I simply don't answer the door if I'm not in the mood for company or have made other plans (like taking a nap or ready for a meal).  THEY are doing things at their convenience and timeline, not mine, so why should I disrupt my life for theirs.
> 
> Re your agoraphobia sister, how does she handle grocery shopping, other chores, doctor etc visits?  How long has she been one?  I saw a series once with an agoraphobic, but he was young and had friends that visited often and brought him stuff he needed.  I don't think the show talked about doctor visits and the issue of income and stuff.  I'm a partial recluse and hate going out of the house but I'm not panicky about it.


My sister’s daughter (my niece) is also a whacko and her husband live with her. He does everything that requires leaving the home, except doctor visits. I take her to the doctor. She takes her meds one hour before we leave the house, so she is under the drug’s influence.

It’s a terrible disease to own. Her daughter is worse. The only time she leaves her bedroom is to use the bathroom. She thinks she has every disease known to mankind. She is Agoraphobic, a hypochondriac and a few other phobias. She’s a mess. Neither one sees a psychiatrist or takes meds for mental illness. They stopped both about ten years ago.

I kept telling our mom and dad while we were growing up that she was going to be an Agoraphobic, but they laughed it off. After she graduated high school, she was accepted at Penn State. She lasted only four days before mom received a phone call from the hospital asking her and dad to come and get her. After she got home, it was like nothing was wrong with her. My mom and dad finally admitted that I was right and took her to a psychiatrist. She went to something like 7 or 8 different ones until she gave up and decided to just stay home. That was maybe 25 years ago.

I keep telling her that they have a lot of new methods and medications and she should try again, but she says no. She has a fear that the doctor will have her committed and I told her that if she was a threat to do harm to herself or someone else, they might, but she wouldn’t be committed as she is now. I spoke with a psychiatrist and that’s what she told me.


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## Keesha (Dec 2, 2019)

Catlady said:


> THAT is a very important distinction.  Most people confuse being alone with being lonely, they're two very different mindsets.


Huge distinction. I don’t appreciate drop in’s either.

To me I find them an infringement on my privacy. It’s not that I’m opposed to having people in my house but I want to be prepared. Showing up unexpectedly, isn’t giving any consideration to the person you are visiting. 

When I am prepared and PLANS are made,  I go ALL OUT in doing anything and everything to make my guests feel welcome.


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## oldman (Dec 2, 2019)

Keesha said:


> Huge distinction. I don’t appreciate drop in’s either.
> 
> To me I find them an infringement on my privacy. It’s not that I’m opposed to having people in my house but I want to be prepared. Showing up unexpectedly, isn’t giving any consideration to the person you are visiting.
> 
> When I am prepared and PLANS are made,  I go ALL OUT in doing anything and everything to make my guests feel welcome.


So, I see your point, except, I live on the other side of town from her home. Sometimes, I find myself in the neighborhood and think that I’ll just drop in, but she says no. OK, I ask her how much of a notice do you need? Suppose I’m in the area and can be at your home in five or ten minutes. Is that enough time? No, I would like at least a half hour notice.


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## Keesha (Dec 2, 2019)

oldman said:


> So, I see your point, except, I live on the other side of town from her home. Sometimes, I find myself in the neighborhood and think that I’ll just drop in, but she says no. OK, I ask her how much of a notice do you need? Suppose I’m in the area and can be at your home in five or ten minutes. Is that enough time? No, I would like at least a half hour notice.


Hey oldman. It’s no reflection on your viewpoints. 
We are all different and need to honour what works for us without imposing our own ideals onto others and we all have own own ways of dealing with this.

There was no criticism cast your way.


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## Catlady (Dec 2, 2019)

oldman said:


> So, I see your point, except, I live on the other side of town from her home. Sometimes, I find myself in the neighborhood and think that I’ll just drop in, but she says no. OK, I ask her how much of a notice do you need? Suppose I’m in the area and can be at your home in five or ten minutes. Is that enough time? No, I would like at least a half hour notice.


Oh, to me ''drop ins'' means people who ring the doorbell without calling first.  When they call, even if already in the neighborhood, at least they're asking for permission to visit and are giving you the chance to refuse the visit.  I think a half hour is reasonable if she wasn't expecting a visit.  It gives her time to tidy-up a bit or put on decent clothes etc.


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## oldman (Dec 2, 2019)

Keesha said:


> Hey oldman. It’s no reflection on your viewpoints.
> We are all different and need to honour what works for us without imposing our own ideals onto others and we all have own own ways of dealing with this.
> 
> There was no criticism cast your way.


I didn’t take it that you were being critical. Growing up, my sister and I were close. But, when she took on all of her issues, things changed. I never know what the new day will bring with her when I call or e-mail her.

Just before I retired, our house was completely destroyed by fire. We lost everything. After we built this new home, I went and picked her up and brought her to our new home, so she could see it first-hand for herself. She was here maybe five minutes when her daughter called and told her that she was having a panic attack and could she please come home right away. She made me take her home immediately. I told her that she was being an enabler and after that, she let me have it. So now, I don’t say anything about their illness. BTW, she hasn’t been back to visit since and that was seven years ago.


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## Keesha (Dec 2, 2019)

oldman said:


> I didn’t take it that you were being critical. Growing up, my sister and I were close. But, when she took on all of her issues, things changed. I never know what the new day will bring with her when I call or e-mail her.
> 
> Just before I retired, our house was completely destroyed by fire. We lost everything. After we built this new home, I went and picked her up and brought her to our new home, so she could see it first-hand for herself. She was here maybe five minutes when her daughter called and told her that she was having a panic attack and could she please come home right away. She made me take her home immediately. I told her that she was being an enabler and after that, she let me have it. So now, I don’t say anything about their illness. BTW, she hasn’t been back to visit since and that was seven years ago.


Well oldman,
What I’ve learned just this year is that you can’t change people. You can try and help them but in doing so it’s best to let go of any and all expectations. People are flawed. They are far from perfect but nor do they need to be. It’s too easy to think we understand people and why they do what they do but in reality we probably don’t have a clue.

Human psychology is deep and vast. People do things that make sense to them personally. They hang on to old habits because that’s all they know.Not everyone is open to the idea of having their brain chemistry changed through pharmaceutical drugs which can have devastating side effects so in her defence, I can relate.

That’s also not stating that she doesn’t need help. That I can’t comment on.


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## Catlady (Dec 2, 2019)

@Old Dummy =  I had meant to comment and then forgot.  That is a *beautiful photo* of your cats when babies, it catches cat personalities and what cats are all about. Their pose and the back lighting is just perfect.


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## djteel (Dec 24, 2019)

Victor said:


> Living alone  runs the gamut or range from totally alone at one extreme
> to very sociable and outgoing at the other end.
> I have known people who live alone but friends, club members and or family members constantly call
> and they frequently go out and enjoy. They live alone but that is all. They are rarely
> ...


I'm totally alone, it's just me and my dog.  We were evicted from our apartment in April. I had a choice either remaining homeless, or renting a small trailer temporarily. The best and only friend I had in the world, my mother, died a couple weeks back on December 12th. I'm now totally alone. I've been trying desperately to find some kind of agency, maybe a state agency, to help me move back into my hometown. It's the same town I wish living in when evicted. I'm now living 50 miles away from that town, in a 28-foot RV, which is way too small for my dog and I. All my possessions are in a storage unit in that town. All of the stuff in my storage unit is my home so to speak. Not having transportation and not having any close friends, is making it impossible to get an apartment anywhere. The town that I'm living in now, only has nine hundred and something population oh, and there are no stores within walking distance! I've been trying to get back to my hometown of Seagoville, but for the past 8 months have had no luck, and I have been told that there are state agencies oh, that will help me in my endeavor. The stuff in my storage unit I won't even begin to fit in this tiny trailer. My dog and I somehow need to get into an apartment again. A 620 square foot apartment it's just fine for my dog and I, but this tiny trailer is a nightmare! If anyone is aware of or familiar with a state agency that would help my dog and I somehow move back into an apartment please let me know. Not having transportation and not having any friends that live in this area anymore has been my worst problem. I figured since I have a bipolar condition oh, that I might find some kind of state agency to help us. But so far no luck. The answer to the question is this, not only am I totally alone, but I am literally totally alone more so than most people, since most people today do not want to make friends outside of the circle they already seem to have. There are people in my hometown, 50 Mi away oh, that's I would call extremely good acquaintances, and would gladly help me move my possessions from Storage into an apartment. But it's getting to my town into an apartment that I find so impossible. It doesn't seem like it should be this difficult. But it is.


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## Pepper (Dec 24, 2019)

Condolences on the recent loss of your mother.  Are you able to call, text, or write to your extremely good acquaintances to let them know?  Best of luck to you, djteel.


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## Kaila (Dec 24, 2019)

djteel,
I am very sorry for the loss of your mother, and that you are far away from the only place, where you would have at least some supportive people who know you.
I will think of you and hope for something good that you could find, that helps your situation.


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## djteel (Dec 24, 2019)

BadPenny said:


> Oh dear, I am so alone since my husband died 2 1/2 years ago.  I was always somewhat of a loner as I never feel like I fit in most of the time, but my time with Earl transcended all that, and we really never needed anyone but each other.  More than anything I miss the way he would smile anytime I walked into a room.
> 
> I have family, a couple of brothers and a son, but I rarely speak with them and they don't visit me either.
> 
> ...


I know how you feel! I had the identical type of Lifestyle when I lived in my apartment before my dog and I were evicted. .. I was on the computer most of my time I'm pretty computer savvy so I was doing everything from playing games , visiting media sites, to downloading music and I especially loved downloading music and then burning it to audio CD. I I have to Amazon Alexa devices and the Roku and between the two I stayed rather busy and on top of that I have a Jack Russell Dr had since 2008! So I had a good friend and stuff to do, but it still didn't end the loneliness that I felt so often. My puppy and i  were unjustly evicted from our apartment in April. We had lived there for 10 years.. this is pretty much in our profile oh, so I won't go into it much here, except to say, that now that my dog is showing signs at his age I've become even lonelier then I was before and I really dread the day that my dog leaves this world. An owl is in East Tawakoni Texas and it was Seagoville Texas where I lived and was evicted. I'm trying to get back to Seagoville to move into another complex out there. I Senior complex. But not having transportation, it has become an impossible feat oh, and I've been trying for the entire 8 months, that I have lived in this area. It has been so difficult to find good friends as I got older oh, that I am now truly totally alone, and my dog is I guess my only friend. In Seagoville I have acquaintances did I became familiar with to the degree, that I will be extremely glad to get back to that area eventually! As bizarre as this sounds Maybe, I had been hanging out at the Denny's restaurant in Seagoville every single night almost for the ten years I live there. And I went shopping just about every night at the Walmart right there it's close to the Denny's. there are a few waitresses at the Denny's that I got used to seeing every night and a few in the early morning, and they became really good acquaintances. I sat for as long as three hours and sometimes for hours at the Denny's every night, doing Wi-Fi on my tablet, and after a long time of that I found out that I was pretty attached to going to the Denny's every night.


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## Kaila (Dec 24, 2019)

djteel,
It makes sense that the Denny's and the people who work there and who are there every day, became the familiar people in your days.  And you had your mind occupied too.
I hope you will be able to find a way to get back to that area.


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## fmdog44 (Dec 24, 2019)

If we were applying for a job as an older person our resume would show none to very little experience yet we all get the job!!


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## djteel (Dec 24, 2019)

Victor said:


> Living alone  runs the gamut or range from totally alone at one extreme
> to very sociable and outgoing at the other end.
> I have known people who live alone but friends, club members and or family members constantly call
> and they frequently go out and enjoy. They live alone but that is all. They are rarely
> ...


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## djteel (Dec 24, 2019)

Victor said:


> Living alone  runs the gamut or range from totally alone at one extreme
> to very sociable and outgoing at the other end.
> I have known people who live alone but friends, club members and or family members constantly call
> and they frequently go out and enjoy. They live alone but that is all. They are rarely
> ...


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## djteel (Dec 24, 2019)

I'm totally alone with only my 11 year old dog, patches. As I got older, any friends I had disappeared, probably for a couple reasons in particular. One is that I am from a generation pretty well partial to a certain kind of music and I'm partial to the generation just following that particular generation. To clarify that, let me explain, that I'm 65 years old and most people my age, are partial to the seventies. I became emotionally attached to the 80s when they came along, and even though I was well knowledged, regarding 70s music, and movies, Etc, later I took on a huge liking and love, for 80s music and movies and the seventies was probably my second choice in regard to anything like movies and music . I was always one decade off when it came to my friends and their interests as they were into 70s and even 60s music, and movies, Etc! I became obsessed with music and movies that were being made through the 80s 90s and 2000 and especially music. Most of the people in my age bracket had been listening to and got hooked on 70s  artists and bands, like humble pie, Eric Clapton, Derek and the Dominos, Deep Purple, Black Sabbath, to name a few.. or they were into country and western, one or the other, but rarely into both rock and Country! I lost my interest in most of the 70s music, when I began to watch MTV, in the early 80s. People in my age group nothing to do with 80s music, or MTV, while I myself, was totally moved, and pretty well obsessed with MTV and 80s music videos, the first time I ever saw my first video! But consider that I have been a collector ,  collecting vinyl records and music in general since I was 9 or 10 years old! I currently have in my collection, everything from Bing Crosby and The Andrews Sisters, to Bruno Mars and everything in between. And unlike many people my age, I like many of the more recent shows that are on Netflix!! I've been very fortunate in my life, to have avoided, any major sicknesses, illnesses, that affect people physically on a permanent basis!i am in the same condition, I was in during my 30s and my twenties! I have not at all acquired any physical deterioration that I can tell, nor do I ever seem to get ill!... able to walk 3 miles at a time, at top speed without becoming Breathless, or physically tired and in general, I feel as healthy, and I am as active, as I was in my 20s and 30s! And as I said, I haven't apparently slowed down any!, so at 65 years old, it's sometimes very difficult, to make good friends with people in my age bracket, only because, I seem to be more active physically, than most of them that I meet! The best way to describe myself in regard to my personality is that because I don't have any physical ailments or handicaps,(although im diagnosed as Bipolar) I do not feel my age whatsoever. that actually makes it harder for me 2 get along with people in my age bracket most of the time, because so many that are my age, limit themselves physically, due To necessity! and on top of that it's very difficult to be truthful, with most people my age, because my confession of being healthy and not feeling the least bit 65, tends to turn a lot of people off, without it being my intention what so ever! Many times when I am in conversation with someone my age, they tend to bring up, in conversation, some of their ailments or physical incapabilities, and my not being able to identify in that same manner, often times makes it is difficult for people to feel as though I'm on the same wavelength that they're on. My not having any chronic pain, like back pain, joint pain at all, and the ability to walk 3 and 4 miles at top Pace without becoming Breathless, seems to cause people that I meet( that are my age), to not feel as though they identify with me enough, that I rarely ever make good friends. In fact, in the past the best friends I've had always have seemed to be younger than myself! What's really sad in my opinion, is that as I age, I find that more and more people that are my age, are affected negatively so much the fact that I am so perfectly healthy that they seem to become intimidated and choose not to be in my presence only for that reason! Instead of my sharing with people about back pain, leg pain, arthritis, and so on, the most I can say when somebody talks about it,la To express how sorry I am, or how I hope they get Well.. can't identify with it to the point that, I'm sure that most people in my age bracket can!  I wouldn't have thought years ago, that my getting older, but not having pain to show for it, would ever cause me not to have close friends in the future!..but...


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## Kaila (Dec 24, 2019)

djteel,
It's great that you have continued to feel physically well and are able to walk well,
 and you have many interests, which is nice, too.

It is difficult for many of us, to find friends and to keep friendships going.

In your posts here, please leave spaces, every few lines, to make it easier for people to read.


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## Keesha (Dec 24, 2019)

Welcome t our group djteel.
You will fit in just fine.

If you can’t relate to people in your age group then don’t.

Mingle with people who share a similar lifestyle as you as well as a positive attitude.

And what she said ^^^^

Merry Christmas everyone.


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## Autumn72 (Dec 26, 2019)

[Thank you Falcon, priceless there sure is good points, they're many who think their s**t is above everyone's  beyyer.QUOTE="Falcon, post: 858779, member: 1055"]
Paxton:      There     Their     They're ;    Check  'em   out.    Even  SOME   stupid  people  know the difference.
[/QUOTE]


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## Autumn72 (Dec 26, 2019)

paxtonstafford said:


> sory


What is wrong with dating or a Meetup on the social email catergory. Meetups are good, I am guilty for not following my own advice, is that stupid enough.


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## Autumn72 (Dec 27, 2019)

Marie5656 said:


> *I agree with you. I am a privacy nut too, who prefers company at my terms.
> Sometimes, I am concerned that feeling alone, or lonely will turn into feeling sorry for myself.  I do not want that to happen.  I try not to sit in my chair like a lump. I try to keep busy, or at least have a semblance of activity other than just sitting in front of the TV.
> I just came back from a brief shopping trip to get a few things I need to continue organizing the house.  Including a long needed sturdy step ladder, to reach the high shelves in the place without having to always call someone to come over.  I can not get rid of the small step stool I had, that used to make Rick nuts when he saw me try to use it without falling off.  He told me he never wanted me to use it if he was not at home.  Well..he is not here any more, so I had to do something.  *


I too had to order a ladder for top shelves dust bunnies all over this place. Dust mites keep me sneezing and I see you too have to call someone you don't want to bother. Yet lifting a air conditioner off bed hikers is too heavy for me. I might have to call Kevin. He lives across the hall from me. Meet him once. He's a young man yet handy for he had a flat roller cart to carry I think his groceries from the taxi to second floor. It was handy for me to get rid of a window air conditioner that the management do not allow, Kevin wD nice enough to take it to the trash downstairs for me. Now I need to put plastic bins up on shelves out of the way. Since now sits three on the couch all fall...throw out junk...boring!!!! I need a trim excur


John Bull said:


> [h=1]"How alone are you?"[/h]100% and it is soul destroying, living in a nice house but more like a mausoleum, full of contents belonging to my two beloved dead wives and several worshipped  pets. No friends or family and no interest in bouncing around trying to socialise.


Why don't you give to a charity the contents of wifey stuff. Someone would love it and it would give you something to do. Like have a auction.


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## Autumn72 (Dec 27, 2019)

Catlady said:


> You probably don't know yet, I am the proud Mama to 14 cats, the oldest is almost 12 and the youngest are 3.  Love them ALL!  Had 3, then adopted two stray mamas with baby kittens (2-3 months old).  They're all indoor cats for their safety.


You may know of Gillian in England cat lady, her two sisters moved to New Zealand and still live together yet ignore sister in England because of all the cats. Met sister by GlobalPenfriends.com


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## Autumn72 (Dec 27, 2019)

Keesha said:


> Hey oldman. It’s no reflection on your viewpoints.
> We are all different and need to honour what works for us without imposing our own ideals onto others and we all have own own ways of dealing with this.
> 
> There was no criticism cast your way.


Funny I too get this hello drop bus...either I am going to have lunch, or in the shower, or sleeping. I don't like the visits, in England after one pm, they at tea time looked forward to it. Gossip crews. I feel gee, what happened to the holidays, or dating, or getting a proposal for marriage, where loneliness is suppose to be taken care of. No, they all want the tea time gossips drop ins.
I lived in this complex with many people, I get a knock on my door, she practically pushed herself into my house, apartment. I made her coffee and the minute I sat down all she did was tell me of all the people I did not want to know of. I told her I had to go to the post office and I was late. She left as I ran to the door that was only a foot away that was that.
No I like planned events, this is my privacy, I don't like risking losing it or jealousy for not letting them stay while I pay the rent. Easier to not let anyone in. Still paying for damages done by drop ins. Wanted the run of my place, my ex...and then a not trusted person I thought was , yet not good person.


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## Autumn72 (Dec 27, 2019)

Autumn72 said:


> I too àm alone, too alone.


I am from a large family siblings.....married at 18 and maybe saw them ten times in between 30s and less too many under handed games going on plus disaster before that family black sheep family, I was the white one....sad enuff said.


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## toffee (Dec 27, 2019)

for Debbie===how can your daughter suddenly have a hatred for you ' it seems she must have had it befor your husband passed '
if she doesnt want to listen to reason about monies - then as far as I can tell selfish comes to mind but I do hope iam wrong here ,
your needs and finances come first -dont be in a rush' let them wait until your ready -


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## Ladybj (Dec 28, 2019)

I have my hubby around.  Also have family and very close friends.  My friends and I don't visit but we talk on the phone quite often.  I am an extrovert therefore, not sure if I will ever be alone. There is also forums such as this.. so lonely is not in my future.


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## Autumn72 (Jun 12, 2020)

paxtonstafford said:


> aunt bee my description of myself...however there are many blessings there if we look at them..at least for me...fewer if any stupid obnoxious and rude people-- mostly younger, to deal with....and I suspect we die alone anyway, even if in a crowd-- yep I know the clerks at Walmart- they are old as I am ..most can use the money but I suspect it is a mix for them social/money/and purpose...but only guessing, some, I know really need the money--
> 
> they other thing I cannot stand stupid people -the older I get the more of them their are ..or at least I am more attuned to them... so alone...51% --stupid people 49% --I am good-
> These are Cipolla's five fundamental laws of stupidity:
> ...


I see you read that book. Makes you feel so smart
Nothing else to do but measure yourself worth against people you look down from your high flinging nose.
What a bore you must be.


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## hellomimi (Jun 12, 2020)

I live with my family by choice since I got divorced. I'm in a multigenerational set up that I absolutely love. Coming home to people asking me about my day means the world to me. I get to hug humans and pets alike. My life is wonderful.


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## hellomimi (Jun 12, 2020)

Sunny said:


> Have you had any pets in the past?


I grew up with small dogs at home but when I was married, my X was allergic to
a lot of things, including dogs. I'm allergic to cats.

When I moved in with my family last year, I  got reacquainted with dogs. I bonded with them instantly. If l lived by myself while spending long hours at work, it would be unfair to keep a pet. I like my set up now, my BFFs are taken care of, and it's a great feeling when they're excited to see me when I  get home.


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## CindyLouWho (Jun 12, 2020)

hellomimi said:


> I live with my family by choice since I got divorced. I'm in a multigenerational set up that I absolutely love. Coming home to people asking me about my day means the world to me. I get to hug humans and pets alike. My life is wonderful.


Boy do I envy you, hellomimi. You are so fortunate. I wasn't so lucky to have support after my divorce (no matter who initiates it) , miss hugs and human interaction. I thought the lonliness and emptiness inside me was going to kill me; it's been a road I hope I get off of real soon.  What a dream and what a difference that would have made in my life to have had that kind of support emotionally.
One thing's for sure,....you find out your own strength and what your family and friends are made of when the chips are suddenly down.


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## hellomimi (Jun 12, 2020)

CindyLouWho said:


> Boy do I envy you, hellomimi. You are so fortunate. I wasn't so lucky to have support after my divorce (no matter who initiates it) , miss hugs and human interaction. I thought the lonliness and emptiness inside me was going to kill me; it's been a road I hope I get off of real soon.  What a dream and what a difference that would have made in my life to have had that kind of support emotionally.
> One thing's for sure,....you find out your own strength and what your family and friends are made of when the chips are suddenly down.


I know how blessed I am to be born into this family. My in-laws are also very supportive. I was too embarrassed to ask for help when I  decided to move out of state to start life anew. My brother and sis in law has a big house and they begged me to stay with them. I was a nervous wreck when I moved  here, they were patient with me. I'm getting back on my feet, I got my power back!

Princess, their malti-poo, is/was my greatest emotional support. She made me feel loved. Sometimes, I ask how I deserve this loving kindness? I make sure to pay it forward, they literally saved my life. If I win the lottery, I'd buy them whatever they want. But first...I have to start buying tickets...haha


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## Old Dummy (Jun 12, 2020)

Well I'm more alone than I was a few hours ago. I got two kittens, a brother and sister, in May 2005. I had to take the female (Nikki) in tonight at five o'clock to be euthanized. Last Friday she was acting sluggish and had lost weight. I hadn't really noticed the weight loss except maybe subconsciously.

The vet did blood and chemistry tests Tuesday, all ok. Next was to test for feline leukemia, although she was vaccinated for it. They called yesterday, the test was negative. She was acting worse and worse and was a skeleton with fur. Being 15 years old there wasn't much to do; they said she probably had some form of cancer. So I enjoyed her for one more day and decided this afternoon to get it over with and release her from it all. She must have felt like total crap. When I picked her up to put her in the carrier she weighed almost nothing.

So I still have her brother Mickey.

Shortly after I got them in 2005:






A year or so old; Nikki on left, Mick right:



Shortly after I got them:



Two years ago:


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## MarciKS (Jun 13, 2020)

I got nothin. Once the folks are gone, that's it for the real life folks. All that will be left is internet friendship. I'm not interested in looking for people to hang out with. I always end up getting hurt and I can actually have a lot of fun in just a few hours online. I'm not interested in dating or remarrying so, guess I'd better get to know the ambulance crew here. They'll be the last ones to see me.


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## dawnkitty (Jun 13, 2020)

Old Dummy, sorry about Nikki it looks like she had a real nice life with you. Thats all we can do, is make sure they are happy and be with them till the end. Thank you for doin that.


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## MickaC (Jun 13, 2020)

Old Dummy said:


> Well I'm more alone than I was a few hours ago. I got two kittens, a brother and sister, in May 2005. I had to take the female (Nikki) in tonight at five o'clock to be euthanized. Last Friday she was acting sluggish and had lost weight. I hadn't really noticed the weight loss except maybe subconsciously.
> 
> The vet did blood and chemistry tests Tuesday, all ok. Next was to test for feline leukemia, although she was vaccinated for it. They called yesterday, the test was negative. She was acting worse and worse and was a skeleton with fur. Being 15 years old there wasn't much to do; they said she probably had some form of cancer. So I enjoyed her for one more day and decided this afternoon to get it over with and release her from it all. She must have felt like total crap. When I picked her up to put her in the carrier she weighed almost nothing.
> 
> ...


They look like they were the very best companions.....So sorry for your loss, and having to make a decision like that is never easy, and never will be. Happy you have Mickey to love and be loved.


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## Old Dummy (Jun 13, 2020)

dawnkitty said:


> Old Dummy, sorry about Nikki it looks like she had a real nice life with you. Thats all we can do, is make sure they are happy and be with them till the end. Thank you for doin that.



Thank you very much. 



MickaC said:


> They look like they were the very best companions.....So sorry for your loss, and having to make a decision like that is never easy, and never will be. Happy you have Mickey to love and be loved.



Thank you also very much. 

A note on what kind of life they had here: I live on a dirt road surrounded by deep woods. Off the edge of my yard is heavy, mostly impenetrable brush (for us, but not small animals). The cats have a pet door in my back door and could come in or go out at their leisure. They always used the outdoor "toilet," as they know nothing else. I've always been worried about some other carnivore getting them but it never happened, the thick brush a few feet away I'm sure came in handy for them. They were fully clawed; I'm sure that was also a factor.

I have a barn/shop behind the house and there is no shortage of rodents anywhere around here. They hunted to their hearts' content and kept the rodent population way down from where it would be otherwise. That made me very happy, as I hate having those damned things in the house.

They had 24/7 access to a hopper in the kitchen with Science Diet catfood, which they've been on for the past several years because of minor health issues with both. It isn't cheap, they loved it, and it did help with their minor issues (they've had the free-access hopper since they were young).

They slept on the bed with me every night especially in the winter. In warmer weather, they would go out often during the night and wouldn't necessarily be on the bed when I woke up.

Nikki was a little rascal; she'd figured out how to get the pet door open with a mouse in her mouth. They weren't always dead, and many times I woke up in the middle of the night to her chasing it around in the living room. Or if they were already dead, she'd leave them right at the foot of the steps going up to my bedroom. It used to piss me off, but I'm looking back on it now and I will miss it.

So today is the first day in Mickey's 15+ years-long life that he hasn't had his sister around. He's been hanging around me more than usual, and meowing more than usual. I think he's missing his sis.

Thanks again to everyone who "liked" my post. Gotta run now, I'm starting to get emotional.

They were about a year old here. I had to get up on the porch roof for something and when I wasn't looking, they were both up the ladder like a flash:



A few years ago on the porch, enjoying some fresh catnip a friend had given me:


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## CindyLouWho (Jun 13, 2020)

Old Dummy said:


> Well I'm more alone than I was a few hours ago. I got two kittens, a brother and sister, in May 2005. I had to take the female (Nikki) in tonight at five o'clock to be euthanized. Last Friday she was acting sluggish and had lost weight. I hadn't really noticed the weight loss except maybe subconsciously.
> 
> The vet did blood and chemistry tests Tuesday, all ok. Next was to test for feline leukemia, although she was vaccinated for it. They called yesterday, the test was negative. She was acting worse and worse and was a skeleton with fur. Being 15 years old there wasn't much to do; they said she probably had some form of cancer. So I enjoyed her for one more day and decided this afternoon to get it over with and release her from it all. She must have felt like total crap. When I picked her up to put her in the carrier she weighed almost nothing.
> 
> ...


I'm so sorry, I do empathize with you losing Nikki. I've been through this with my animals and it's so painful in our hearts to see them go.
Thanks for sharing these pictures....so sweet and precious.


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## Ellen Marie (Jun 14, 2020)

I had a discussion with my minister.   I told him that everyone talks about going to heaven to see the saints and family who have already passed.   I told him that one thing I learned about the covid-19 lockdowns.... that going to heaven will mean you are never alone again.   There was an old gospel song, "No Never Alone"   
He promised never to leave me,
Never to leave me alone.


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## MarciKS (Jun 14, 2020)

Ellen Marie said:


> I had a discussion with my minister.   I told him that everyone talks about going to heaven to see the saints and family who have already passed.   I told him that one thing I learned about the covid-19 lockdowns.... that going to heaven will mean you are never alone again.   There was an old gospel song, "No Never Alone"
> He promised never to leave me,
> Never to leave me alone.


He is with you now Ellen Marie so you are not totally alone even now.


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## Autumn (Jul 16, 2020)

I'm in the process of trying to sort out my "new normal".  My sister and her husband are the only family I have.  I've lived in this condo for 23 years and have some good friends among my neighbors.  But I'm finding that all of our "couple friends" have sort of drifted away.  My husband's family have always been into High Drama, and I was never their favorite (for many reasons).  So I don't hear much from them, except for his late brother's partner, who calls me every day.

I'm fortunate in having people who'll help me if I need it, but I hate having to depend on others.  So far, I've found online grocery delivery and a local laundromat that will pick up and deliver my wash.  I pay a neighbor's son to take out the trash and bring in packages and such.  Cleaning lady comes once a week.  My husband used to handle all of that, I guess I was spoiled.  I'm having to find ways to do a million little things that I never gave a thought to before.  

If this pandemic ever ends and I'm able to go out, I think I'll feel more normal.  Living alone is a huge adjustment, it's all making me feel a little unsettled.  But things could be a lot worse, and it's up to me to adjust.  I think I'll probably end up somewhere inbetween the 2 groups - not a social butterfly, but not totally isolated either.  Right now, I'm just doing my best to work it out.


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## Kaila (Jul 16, 2020)

@Autumn 
Thank you for sharing that with us.  It helps some of us, to see how others manage challenges.


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## Kaila (Jul 16, 2020)

Oh gosh, @Old Dummy 
This moment is the first time I have seen your posts, here, about losing your kitty companion/friend Nikki, and about how special company both she and her brother kitty, have been for you.

I am sorry for your loss, and I hope you have been adjusting, and making the transition, and Mick,  too.  Kaila


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## Ruthanne (Jul 17, 2020)

Victor said:


> Living alone  runs the gamut or range from totally alone at one extreme
> to very sociable and outgoing at the other end.
> I have known people who live alone but friends, club members and or family members constantly call
> and they frequently go out and enjoy. They live alone but that is all. They are rarely
> ...


I fit in the last group.  Seems to be getting to me more recently, too.  Maybe it's the added virus on top of it all.  I want to go out to dinner to dine alone and possibly meet people but it's too hard right now with worrying about contracting something.


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## Victor (Jul 17, 2020)

don't worry. chances are tiny.


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## Mollymoo (Jul 18, 2020)

debbie in seattle said:


> I too, am alone.   My husband passed May 14, this year.    It’s terrible.    I have friends, but they’re married, have kids, grandkids, etc.   one of my daughters live in Az., the other not 10 miles away, but hates me, yes, hates me because she feels I should split the money my husband and I had prior to his death into thirds, naturally, 1/3 to her.   Yes, it’s crazy.   I am at a total loss, what do I do with all my time?    It’s terrible.


Hello, debbie.  First, I'm sorry that your husband passed, so recently. That has to be a source of real heartache.  My ex passed, a couple of
years ago, but had been an ex, for so long, that it was just another day--which brings me to my daughter, the real reason I opened your
comments.  Yup, our kids can cause pain, with their indifference, or by being greedy. I apparently raised one of those. 
It wasn't until six weeks after her father died that she let her brother and me know of his passing.  She had systematically worked at
gaining control of his finances, getting him to sign over his resources to a "tax-free dog charity" (her).  The money meant nothing to
my son, nor me, but it allowed her to pay several hundreds of thousand dollars for a house--cash.  She's never managed to hold onto
a job, and lives on alimony.  This was her second grabbing of an older person's finances. No real crime, on the first one, just greed.

But, I digress: I really just wanted you to know that there is a legion of us, out here, whose kids turned greedy. I think they recognize
the sneakiness of their actions, but hope no one else does--so they draw away, and "hate" us, so they don't have to admit to what
they've done.  It's easier to live with themselves, that way.

It's good, that you recognized what your daughter was trying to do.  Like good ol' Dr. Phil often says (paraphrasing, here), we mourn
the people  we _wish_ they'd been. Recognizing that makes the loss of a relationship a tad easier.

So, your daughter will have to live with herself, as will mine. All we can do is to be our best selves, and trust that they'll be okay,
without our further input. We did all we could, prior to them leaving the nest.

Best wishes to you, debbie.


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## Old Dummy (Jul 19, 2020)

Kaila said:


> Oh gosh, @Old Dummy
> This moment is the first time I have seen your posts, here, about losing your kitty companion/friend Nikki, and about how special company both she and her brother kitty, have been for you.
> 
> I am sorry for your loss, and I hope you have been adjusting, and making the transition, and Mick,  too.  Kaila



Hi Kaila, thanks for your thoughts. It's been 5 weeks now and we're getting used to it. Mick still sticks closer to me than he did before.

How are you doing?


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## Repondering (Jul 23, 2020)

I don't have much.  I cared for my ailing and mood disordered   mother for 17 years after dad died....the last 3 years were pretty awful.  She's been gone a year and a half now.  The older of my two brothers died 4 months before she did.  There's another brother whom I haven't seen for 16 years.....he wasn't on speaking terms with Mom and myself.  There's one niece who's been in and out of jail for years.....she isn't in the picture.  I never married.
There was a special lady but health issues induced her to return to her own siblings on the family farm in another state....she's not in the picture anymore.
I'm active in my church but it doesn't meet in person during  the time of COVID.
There are neighbors and acquaintances but no one whom I confide in.
My only actual social contacts are on Saturday mornings at the local farmers market where I have a booth.....and many regular customers and fellow vendors to schmooze with.
There's this forum.


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## Pecos (Jul 23, 2020)

Repondering said:


> I don't have much.  I cared for my ailing and mood disordered   mother for 17 years after dad died....the last 3 years were pretty awful.  She's been gone a year and a half now.  The older of my two brothers died 4 months before she did.  There's another brother whom I haven't seen for 16 years.....he wasn't on speaking terms with Mom and myself.  There's one niece who's been in and out of jail for years.....she isn't in the picture.  I never married.
> There was a special lady but health issues induced her to return to her own siblings on the family farm in another state....she's not in the picture anymore.
> I'm active in my church but it doesn't meet in person during  the time of COVID.
> There are neighbors and acquaintances but no one whom I confide in.
> ...


I think that we are lucky to have you here. I am humbled reading your post and suspect that there will be a thing or two that I will learn from you.


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## LindaB (Jul 23, 2020)

Falcon said:


> Paxton:      There     Their     They're ;    Check  'em   out.    Even  SOME   stupid  people  know the difference.


Ahhh, the grammar police are stalking us


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## RadishRose (Jul 24, 2020)

Old Dummy said:


> Well I'm more alone than I was a few hours ago. I got two kittens, a brother and sister, in May 2005. I had to take the female (Nikki) in tonight at five o'clock to be euthanized. Last Friday she was acting sluggish and had lost weight. I hadn't really noticed the weight loss except maybe subconsciously.
> 
> The vet did blood and chemistry tests Tuesday, all ok. Next was to test for feline leukemia, although she was vaccinated for it. They called yesterday, the test was negative. She was acting worse and worse and was a skeleton with fur. Being 15 years old there wasn't much to do; they said she probably had some form of cancer. So I enjoyed her for one more day and decided this afternoon to get it over with and release her from it all. She must have felt like total crap. When I picked her up to put her in the carrier she weighed almost nothing.
> 
> ...


I didn't see this until now. But let me say I'm so very sorry you lost your beloved cat. It hasn't been very long, but I still hope you've gained some solace. Take care.


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## Ceege (Jul 24, 2020)

I was totally alone for the first time in my life this spring.  I was married for almost 50 years and I've had all kinds of pets all my life.  My last pet, Miss Kitty, passed away in January at the age of 20.  My husband passed away in April and all of a sudden, mine was the only heartbeat in the house.  I got 2 parakeets in June and they have been a great comfort.  Always happy and playing.  As soon as I can I want to get another cat.  
I don't really know what I want or expect to happen after the virus is under control.   I just take one day at a time.  That's pretty much all any of us can do right now.


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## Old Dummy (Jul 24, 2020)

RadishRose said:


> I didn't see this until now. But let me say I'm so very sorry you lost your beloved cat. It hasn't been very long, but I still hope you've gained some solace. Take care.



Thank you very much, RR. 

It's been 6 weeks today and I'm getting used to her not being around. I think Mick is too. But that's how it goes, even when a parent or close friend dies -- you get used to it.

Ol' Mick, now 15½, gets around a little slower than he used to, but he did leave me two halves of a mouse at my doorstep a couple of mornings ago.


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## Old Dummy (Jul 24, 2020)

Ceege said:


> I was totally alone for the first time in my life this spring.  I was married for almost 50 years and I've had all kinds of pets all my life.  My last pet, Miss Kitty, passed away in January at the age of 20.  My husband passed away in April and all of a sudden, mine was the only heartbeat in the house.  I got 2 parakeets in June and they have been a great comfort.  Always happy and playing.  As soon as I can I want to get another cat.
> I don't really know what I want or expect to happen after the virus is under control.   I just take one day at a time.  That's pretty much all any of us can do right now.


 
So sorry, all that must have been really hard to deal with. 

My cat may be around a few more years, but who knows. You mentioned getting another cat: I have often thought about getting another one when Mick is gone, because where I live a cat is a necessity. 

Problem is, I'll be 70 next month. If I get another cat at some point in the future it will likely outlive me. That bothers me, because a cat here has a perfect life (although it can be dangerous) and if it outlived me and had to go elsewhere, it would not be happy.

Oh well, I guess I shouldn't worry about that now.


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## Ceege (Jul 24, 2020)

Old Dummy said:


> Problem is, I'll be 70 next month. If I get another cat at some point in the future it will likely outlive me. That bothers me, because a cat here has a perfect life (although it can be dangerous) and if it outlived me and had to go elsewhere, it would not be happy.
> 
> Oh well, I guess I shouldn't worry about that now.



I thought the same thing.  But, I know my son would find a good home for her/him.


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## Lewkat (Jul 24, 2020)

Marley, or precious pup as I call her, makes certain that I am never alone.  She guards me as though I were the most sought after person on the face of the earth.  Let no stranger approach me unless I greet them as old friends.


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## debbie in seattle (Jul 25, 2020)

Ceege said:


> I thought the same thing.  But, I know my son would find a good home for her/him.



Prior to me getting my dog, I made sure my daughter would take her if anything happened to me.


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## debbie in seattle (Jul 29, 2020)

Ceege said:


> I was totally alone for the first time in my life this spring.  I was married for almost 50 years and I've had all kinds of pets all my life.  My last pet, Miss Kitty, passed away in January at the age of 20.  My husband passed away in April and all of a sudden, mine was the only heartbeat in the house.  I got 2 parakeets in June and they have been a great comfort.  Always happy and playing.  As soon as I can I want to get another cat.
> I don't really know what I want or expect to happen after the virus is under control.   I just take one day at a time.  That's pretty much all any of us can do right now.


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