# Walmart's Mr. Woolf~



## SeaSparkle (Aug 31, 2013)

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found... shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

 Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart

 Dear Mrs. Woolf,

 Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":

 1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.

 3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of chips.

 6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
 blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children obliged.

 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
 Emergency Medics were called.

 9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

 10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

 11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

 12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

 14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

 15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

 And last, but not least:

 16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'


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## That Guy (Aug 31, 2013)

I love these wonderful ideas and plan to implement them as soon as possible!


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## Diwundrin (Aug 31, 2013)

I suggest this thread be removed immediately before they all start doing it !  :lofl:


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## Katybug (Sep 1, 2013)

*This post on Wal-Mart is hilarious.....and not to make fun, but have you ever seen pix of Wal-Mart shoppers? They find the most outrageously dressed ones they can find, real shoppers, and pix of them float the Internet.  They really are a sight to behold.  You wonder what they were thinking when they left their homes dressed like that.

I know you can save money, but their stores are too big for me and requires a 15 mile drive to any of them.  Any savings would be spent in gas to get there.  And forget about finding anyone who can ever help you with anything.  The corner deli has more employees than any Wal-Mart I've ever been in, short of the check outs. *


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## TICA (Sep 1, 2013)

Too funny.   Hope this doesn't spread, I'm sure there are a lot of husbands who will use these ideas.


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## SeaBreeze (Sep 1, 2013)




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## That Guy (Sep 1, 2013)




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