# What would you do?



## debbie in seattle (Jun 30, 2016)

I have one sister (older), parents have passed.    She's started this 'thing' that when we email each other, her responses are about as personal as an letter from the IRS.  Phone calls, the same thing.    I pour my heart out about some issue, I get silence on the phone, one day I thought she hung up on me!   I received an email from her yesterday in response to an earlier email and it contained their weather, a request for a recipe and their travel plans.   There is nothing personal at all, my mailman is more forthcoming than she and I anymore.    It never used to be like this, we were as close as ever but things have sure changed.  No harsh words have happened, no arguments, nada.   Anyone else ever experienced this?    What should I do?


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## GeorgiaXplant (Jun 30, 2016)

Gosh. Maybe she's got a lot on her mind? Some personal problem that she doesn't feel that she can share? Have you asked her if something has changed?


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## AprilSun (Jun 30, 2016)

I would talk to her about it and ask her if I had done anything to hurt her feelings and if so, what? If it's a misunderstanding that you didn't mean, tell her you didn't mean to hurt her. Talking it out is about the best way to handle it.


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## Debby (Jun 30, 2016)

Gosh sounds like my mother and I sort of and I feel your pain, sort of.  Has anyone else noticed the same kind of changes or are you the only one in the family who interacts with her?  Could it be that maybe she's starting to suffer from some issues like dementia and can't handle much more than what you're getting and doesn't want to talk about it?

It sounds like you're hurt by it and I hope for your sake you either can carefully talk it through or that you find a way to let it roll off your back.  The latter might be rough because I've been working on 'letting it roll off my back' when it comes to my mom and I and here I am, 61 years and it still feels like surgery without an anesthetic every time we talk.  Good luck Debbie.


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## Phoenix (Jul 7, 2016)

Was your sister always like this?  Some people just don't open up.  Could she be getting some kind of dementia?  My sister would rarely open up to me.  My brother passed yesterday, so all my siblings are gone now.  Family members are strange beasties.


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## AutumnOfMyLife (Jul 8, 2016)

Tell her you've noticed she seems less personal and more detached these days and ask her what's up.


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## Southern Gentleman (Jul 8, 2016)

debbie in seattle said:


> I have one sister (older), parents have passed.    She's started this 'thing' that when we email each other, her responses are about as personal as an letter from the IRS.  Phone calls, the same thing.    I pour my heart out about some issue, I get silence on the phone, one day I thought she hung up on me!   I received an email from her yesterday in response to an earlier email and it contained their weather, a request for a recipe and their travel plans.   There is nothing personal at all, my mailman is more forthcoming than she and I anymore.    It never used to be like this, we were as close as ever but things have sure changed.  No harsh words have happened, no arguments, nada.   Anyone else ever experienced this?    What should I do?



Flip the game on her. Clam up initially. Then deliver only minute amounts of stimuli. Do that for about 2-3 weeks. She'll begin to crave more. At that time drop the hammer with a very polite " pardon me but I don't feel I can trust you as I once did". You'll feel bad but you already feel bad and at least you're running your own deal. Its a bit harsh but it's a language shell understand. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this . oh yea, once you've masterfully pointed out the error of her ways shell come around. I have two sisters a lot like her. Unfortunately for them what they think say and do is no longer my problem , it's all theirs.


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