# Ramblin'



## A2ZGrammie (Aug 28, 2019)

I've always wanted to journal. Or have a diary. Whatever. So here I am. I don't feel so great today. I'm lonely. I miss my kids. I think I'm going to drink a cup of tea.


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## Patio Life (Aug 28, 2019)

Tea sounds good. I usually have coffee if it's early in the day.
Can you call your kids? Just a short conversation could make you feel better.

Reading the quote from Van Gogh, did you see the movie "Loving Vincent"?


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## A2ZGrammie (Aug 29, 2019)

Patio Life said:


> Tea sounds good. I usually have coffee if it's early in the day.
> Can you call your kids? Just a short conversation could make you feel better.
> 
> Reading the quote from Van Gogh, did you see the movie "Loving Vincent"?




I had the tea, and it WAS good. I had an email from my oldest son the day before, and it was really sweet, so that helped. Younger son has texted me. I think I get depressed missing my middle son. He passed away 10 years ago and I still miss him. I get mad because I can't talk to him lol. I send him texts sometimes.

That was nice what you said about the Van Gogh quote. I haven't seen the movie, but I have heard of it. I really should see it. Is it good? I'll have to put it on my list of stuff to watch. There are so many streaming services these days, I should be able to find it.

Thank you so much for replying.


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## jerry old (Aug 29, 2019)

Ramblin-good,   

Rambling is best done by old folk, they've done, seen so much they can't censor the events in chronological order 
Don't Care if they ramble.  Only old folks can appreciate and understand a good ramble by a peer.

Young folk become exasperated when old folks jump from topic-to-topic without any introduction  (or reason?) to a new topic. 
Standard English and acceptable speech patters are for the young.   We threw those patters away, don't need 'um'
We know what we wanted to say, sometimes other life events get in the way, bare with us, we'll get to a conclusion: eventually...


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## A2ZGrammie (Aug 29, 2019)

Ha, ramblin has a double meaning for me.

I always have a lot to say, so usually somewhere when I'm typing, I will accuse myself of ramblin. I really am bad about it. I over-explain things i have said/done and just won't shut up. I like to type, which I think is a bit weird. It might be because I've had typing jobs in the past. Maybe because I like to write a little. I haven't figured it out. And I do have a big opinion about what I've done in the past, so I think your take on rambling is spot-on.

I also like to say I ramble, as in rambling around the country side. I like to travel a lot, and have lived in a lot of places. What I find funny is that when I was young, I always said is that if I could pick the state I'd like to live in, it would be North Carolina.  I figured it had the beach on one side, and the mountains on the other. And it wasn't planned that I ended up here, but I'm very happy.

If I could live anywhere else, it would be back where I raised my kids, which was Iowa. Iowa doesn't get the respect it deserves. It has it's own beauty. And I have a son buried there, so there's that.

The worst place I lived was North Dakota. I'm sure it's great for some people, but it just didn't work for me.

I LOVE vacationing, and I am not a fan of traveling by plane. I like being in a car, and seeing how the countryside changes as you go along. So travel is my favorite sort of rambling. We rambled on up to Cincinnati recently, and that was very interesting. The only downside was the ride home, when we got stuck in traffic in the Smoky Mountains. Right before a tunnel, which was really interesting. (Notice that I'm rambling here?)

So wait, what's my point? Ohhh, ramblin. Yep, guilty. I can take a story and twist it all sorts of ways. It makes my kids nuts.


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## A2ZGrammie (Aug 29, 2019)

Ok, I've got something in my head, so I will do a little more ramblin. I talked about texting my son that has passed away. (This is a funny story)

One of my sons moved here to NC with me. When it snows, we text each other, as we miss the Iowa snow. He travels around NC for his job, so sometimes he sees it first, and sometimes I do.

One day we were texting about the snow. I decided to text Tyson (the son that had passed) and tell him it was snowing. Just a simple "Tyson, it's snowing." I still have his number on my phone. After I texted, I was sitting and staring at the phone, thinking how I missed him. I almost fell off my chair when I got a text back.

It was from a very nice person. They said "This isn't Tyson, but I hope you are enjoying your snow."

I texted them, apologized, and said that their number used to be my son's. They were very nice, and told me to have a good day.

It was very funny. I wasn't expecting a response when I texted him. And I know I can't text him anymore, now that someone has his number. I'll miss that. But it was a nice way to end a silly habit.


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## Marie5656 (Aug 29, 2019)

A2ZGrammie said:


> I've always wanted to journal. Or have a diary. Whatever. So here I am. I don't feel so great today. I'm lonely. I miss my kids. I think I'm going to drink a cup of tea.



If you look down through the main forums, we do have a diary section here.  Folks are allowed up to 3, on different topics.  They do allow for interaction from other members.  Take a look, and ramble away


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## Patio Life (Aug 29, 2019)

Marie5656 said:


> If you look down through the main forums, we do have a diary section here.  Folks are allowed up to 3, on different topics.  They do allow for interaction from other members.  Take a look, and ramble away


I think the Diary would be a great place to ramble.
My son passed away right after his first birthday, 36 yrs ago, I still think of him but the pain has lessened over the years.


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## Patio Life (Aug 29, 2019)

Do watch the Van Gogh movie. "Loving Vincent" is wonderful from beginning to end.


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## Marie5656 (Aug 29, 2019)

Patio Life said:


> I think the Diary would be a great place to ramble.
> My son passed away right after his first birthday, 36 yrs ago, I still think of him but the pain has lessened over the years.



So sorry. I am sure it is hard to lose a child.  Before I was born, my parents lost a baby at the age of 6 weeks. My mom never recovered


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## hypochondriac (Aug 29, 2019)

Nice ramble. like your writing style Grammie.


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## A2ZGrammie (Aug 31, 2019)

Patio Life said:


> I think the Diary would be a great place to ramble.
> My son passed away right after his first birthday, 36 yrs ago, I still think of him but the pain has lessened over the years.



I am so sorry. It's so hard to lose children. I would never have thought it would hurt so much.


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## A2ZGrammie (Aug 31, 2019)

Marie5656 said:


> If you look down through the main forums, we do have a diary section here.  Folks are allowed up to 3, on different topics.  They do allow for interaction from other members.  Take a look, and ramble away



How wonderful, to be free to ramble! I love to carry on about stuff. I appreciate the information and thank you! I always have lots to say. I think I gave this diary the wrong title. It should have been BooHoo Me, or something like that. It seems like I've been sniviling a lot about my son. Oh well. We say what we need to, right?


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## A2ZGrammie (Aug 31, 2019)

Marie5656 said:


> So sorry. I am sure it is hard to lose a child.  Before I was born, my parents lost a baby at the age of 6 weeks. My mom never recovered




It's been terribly hard. Harder than I would have thought, and it was always my greatest fear. I am sad to hear that your parents lost a baby. That would be awful. And that your mom didn't recover. Some people don't recover. I don't think I ever will. I miss my son so much. You would think after ten years it would get a little better, but it doesn't for me. I don't think about him as much, but I do miss him just as much. I will tell people that even my big toe misses him.

I think losing a child can change a person as well. I know I am different. I am a harder person, and I tend to keep a shell around myself. I try to use humor to cover up the sad, and it works for the most part. People just think I'm odd.

So I will drag my lip on the floor (not really, just in my head) and do my best to live my life, odd though I am. I kind of like being a bit different.


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## A2ZGrammie (Aug 31, 2019)

hypochondriac said:


> Nice ramble. like your writing style Grammie.



Aww, you don't know how great THAT is to hear! I actually like to write.

I've been told that I can claim to be a published author, and I guess I am. Some friends and I have a book, I think it's called Shared Words? that I helped write. It's just a collection of drabbles. I only wrote a few, but it's fun to see my name in print.

I've started a couple of books, and have a couple of short stories that aren't too bad. So look what you started...

So, thank you very much. Sincerely. I love hearing that.


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## A2ZGrammie (Sep 1, 2019)

Hey, this is fun. I wish it were more fun here. It's incredibly boring. I told my granddaughter I would make her a mermaid tail, I guess I should go look for a pattern for that. Spanky is sleeping, the cat is probably somewhere she isn't supposed to be. So I'm just here. Typing. Wishing I had a Milky Way. or Nutella. Yes, Nutella would definitely be better.


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## A2ZGrammie (Sep 1, 2019)

*the "here" was in reference to my home, btw. Not the forum. I wanted to make sure I was understood.


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## jerry old (Sep 1, 2019)

A2ZGrammie said:


> Ok, I've got something in my head, so I will do a little more ramblin. I talked about texting my son that has passed away. (This is a funny story)
> 
> One of my sons moved here to NC with me. When it snows, we text each other, as we miss the Iowa snow. He travels around NC for his job, so sometimes he sees it first, and sometimes I do.
> 
> ...





A2ZGrammie said:


> Hey, this is fun. I wish it were more fun here. It's incredibly boring. I told my granddaughter I would make her a mermaid tail, I guess I should go look for a pattern for that. Spanky is sleeping, the cat is probably somewhere she isn't supposed to be. So I'm just here. Typing. Wishing I had a Milky Way. or Nutella. Yes, Nutella would definitely be better.





A2ZGrammie said:


> Ok, I've got something in my head, so I will do a little more ramblin. I talked about texting my son that has passed away. (This is a funny story)
> 
> One of my sons moved here to NC with me. When it snows, we text each other, as we miss the Iowa snow. He travels around NC for his job, so sometimes he sees it first, and sometimes I do.
> 
> ...


Ug!- heart thumper


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## A2ZGrammie (Sep 2, 2019)

jerry r. garner said:


> Ug!- heart thumper




it is, isn't it? it scared the bejeebers out of me. i'm glad I got someone nice to reply to me. i've had people mad at me in texts. (obviously sent to my number in error) yelling that I shouldn't borrow money. and one guy sent me pictures of a toilet he had installed. now THAT was funny.


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## A2ZGrammie (Sep 2, 2019)

Ramblin' on...fur balls today. I've been putting it off, because the faux fur I bought at Joann's sheds way more than I though. Ick. But cold weather is a'comin' so I best get busy.

I am by myself again today, if we don't count the weird cat.

I'm tired of tv, so I will try to be productive, and work on the fur balls.

I'm mad at the world today. To be more truthful, I'm really just mad at a few people, but I will turn it into the whole world, and be really anti-social. If I were meaner, I would find something to hit. Instead, I will just pout.

Peace to everyone. I'm really not mean.


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## A2ZGrammie (Sep 2, 2019)

Ahh, a new ramble. I've kept diary ideas for a while, so here I go...

Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced.

I would say pets. I love pets, and I've had quite a few. The hardest was a Yorkshire terrier that I had, named Teddy. We loved Ted. His offical name was Tedrick Elroy Beare. (Get it? Ted E. Beare) I was living (temporarily) with my oldest son, who was not supposed to have pets. I had Teddy, and a gorgeous Himalayan cat. They were both such sweet animals. Nathan was found out one day that the animals were there, and he told me they had to go.

My youngest son Travis adored that dog. He had been living with me previously, and had really bonded with Ted. He was furious that I gave Teddy away. He said I should have found a temporary home for him. I felt that I couldn't let someone bond with Ted, and then take him away. To be fair to me, I gave him to a really good friend of mine. I stayed in touch with her, and he lived a wonderful life until the day he died. She said her husband would show pictures of Ted before he showed pictures of his children. Teddy was probably happier with her than he was with me.

So there, I am an evil mom. If it were ever to be mentioned to my youngest son, he would probably still be mad, even all these years later. Ted was a sweet dog, and Travis really loved him. That was a huge regret of mine, and I don't think there would be any animal that could take his place.


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## A2ZGrammie (Sep 3, 2019)

We went to check out the vet's office in the next town over. They had a very resonably priced boarding service for the mean cat. We wanted to check out what the cages looked like, where she might be staying while we begin our next state of ramblin'. It actually looks very nice there, and it is very inexpensive. She will have a condo for about $20 a day. She will probably hate it, but we will feel better, knowing that she has plenty of room and care.

Now about the ramble. We are going for a week's stay to my favorite place. Off to the beach on one of North Carolina's islands. I beleve there aren't any prettier places in the world. I have a special favorite, but a person can see lots of photos of them online. We have bought a couple of pictures taken by a local photographer there.

An interesting tibit-Nicholas Sparks wrote a lot of his novels based on the North Carolina coast. So if he liked it here, there must be a reason.

I'm really excited about the trip. The most I've done there is a bit of walking, and a lot of reading while I sit on the beach. I usually bring needlework to keep myself busy. The internet is very spotty at the motel. Some days we just stay in and relax, which isn't hard with such a beautiful view. 

We stay in an area where there aren't a lot of tourists, and I love that. I've gone there for healing, after extensive dental work. The last time we were there, they were still cleaning up from the previous hurricane. There were only two rooms available. On their online page we read that they had found there was even sand in their door locks. Walls had been taken down and covered in black plastic. The ceilings in the rooms were still unfinished. We removed some of the plastic, as we had come for the ocean view. It is gorgeous. I think the place gets beaten pretty bad by the storms, and I don't expect it to be there much longer. I'm just hoping for it to last as long as we do. I've told my boys to take a walk on the beach and spread my ashes there when I'm not around anymore. I've never found a place that I love so much.


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## A2ZGrammie (Sep 4, 2019)

I am ramblin' about my ramblin'. My beaches are in trouble. They seem to be in the danger zone for the hurricane, and there is mandatory evacuation on the island where we stay. I always get worried about the islands there, which is kinda silly on my part.


We were married on a beautiful beach along the coast of NC. I couldn't have been happier. It rained all day that day, but no one could talk me out of my beach wedding. So we got married in the rain. It rained so much that the pastor's tablet quit working. Everyone got soaked. I love rain, so I was very excited.

I was going to post a picture of our place, but it wouldn't work. So here's my favorite picture instead.


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## A2ZGrammie (Sep 5, 2019)

My youngest son just called me. He was doing bug service at P&G. I've been worried about him. He and his family are headed out toward the hurricane on the weekend. It's his wife's birthday, and her sister lives in Wilmington.

Lacey got her cast off yesterday. Woohoo! I'm sure she's loving that. Being three and having a cast has to suck. It was purple though, and I'm sure she was rockin' it.


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## Patio Life (Sep 5, 2019)

A purple cast sounds very cool for a kid.


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## A2ZGrammie (Sep 5, 2019)

Patio Life said:


> A purple cast sounds very cool for a kid.



It was very pretty. We had a family trip to Cincinnati, and that little girl got carried everywhere, wearing that purple cast. and thank you


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## A2ZGrammie (Sep 5, 2019)

I miss Rose.
Sorry, I've had a moment. Ignore me.


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## Patio Life (Sep 5, 2019)

A2ZGrammie said:


> I miss Rose.
> Sorry, I've had a moment. Ignore me.


Those moments are normal. 
Hugs.


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## A2ZGrammie (Sep 6, 2019)

Patio Life said:


> Those moments are normal.
> Hugs.



Thanks for that. She's a person a try not to think a lot about, but yesterday it wasn't working. She was sort of a stray I took in. She had brain cancer, and I tried to help her. Took her through the whole process. Dr appts, hospital stays, visited her in hospice when it got that far. No one else would help her. I held her hand when she died.

She tried to plant sunflowers in my yard. They wouldn't grow. That's what I remember the most. Funny, how those things stick.


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## A2ZGrammie (Sep 8, 2019)

Not much going on today. It's NASCAR sunday.


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## A2ZGrammie (Sep 9, 2019)

Very little rambling today. I'm trying to sort though some fabric I have, so I'm rambling through fabric? Trying to sort them by colors. I have some 1930's stuff that's really pretty. And some ballerina stuff. I always wanted a granddaughter, as I had 5 sons. I have enough for two granddaughters, and I have 4. Then there's the grandson. What does he get, if I figure out something for the girls?

What's a grammie to do?

There is a trip to Lowe's hardware planned for later. I guess I will ramble through Lowe's?

I'm still looking forward to the beach ramble. That will be here soon.


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## A2ZGrammie (Sep 10, 2019)

I got pictures from Iowa today. One picture of the three girls, and a picture of the whole family. Everybody was so beautiful.

I'm still sorting crafts. I can't believe how much junk I have. It's all very useful though, even though there are things I have never used. Someday, right?

I spent about an hour yesterday trying to figure out a quilt. They're kind of like a puzzle, if you think about it. I had cut out pieces, about 20 years ago, but had no instructions and didn't remember what I was making. I gave myself a bad headache arranging those pieces in different patterns. I think I better keep to the simple stuff like I made for my boys. I can make beautiful stuff, but this one has me completely baffled. 

Anyway, I'm doing a great job of procrastination. I'm sitting here beside about 20 totes that I'm trying to sort. I've done some. There's a couple of drawers with real pretty fabric that I'll probably never do anything with. But-see above-it's useful. For something. I keep hoping the grandkids and I will make something. That's it. I'll google crafts for kids with grandmas that save junk. I wonder if that will work.


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## A2ZGrammie (Sep 13, 2019)

Here's a very serious ramble. In the book I've been reading, there was mention of the fact that "if you save someone's life, you are responsible for that person for the rest of their life." I've heard of that before. So it got me to thinking.....(uhoh)

Is it the same thing, if you try to save someone's life, and they are beyond saving? I've done that. I really tried. And what does it mean, if it is the same thing? You really aren't responsible for them, because they aren't around anymore. I tried to save someone, she's still in my mind, I can't shake her, but there was no way I could save her. And that bothers me. I thought I was treating her as well as I could. Sometimes I wonder if I should have done more. No one else wanted the responsibility. No one else wanted to care for her. I felt like I was good to her, but was it enough? I think she was happy. I just don't know how well I did.

Sheesh this is morbid.


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## A2ZGrammie (Sep 14, 2019)

The Hawkeyes are on later!

Not much happening today. I'm going to work on those furry puff balls for the girls' hats. I've gotten sad thinking about the girls. And how much I miss their dads. And if I'm doing things right or wrong with the kids or with the dads. I even had songs to sing with the little ones going through my head. Maybe we need to try them some time. They might like it. I think Nathan and Travis would like that. Who knows if anyone else would. How do you entertain so many little people? Especially when you are the weird grammie? Who is supposed to have an imagination, and she just doesn't have the imagination of a three year old? *sigh* I think I worry to much. I know I would be told I worry too much. I want to be the best grandma ever. It's kinda funny. I didn't like my mom. At all. But she didn't do too bad at the grandma thing. She never spent much time with the boys when they were young. But they tell me that she was a great grandma. I think they would tell a different story about me. I guess I'm a little closer to their lives. And I don't think I measure up compared to the other grandparents in their lives. I know it's not a contest, and I don't understand my need for all the kids to like me. But I do have that need. I wish I had someone to talk to about it.


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## A2ZGrammie (Sep 15, 2019)

I'm still unhappy about the text I got from my son earlier. I had a good memory about him, and he blew me away. I thought everyone liked to hear things about themselves when they were young. Things they did that make good memories. Obviously he doesn't. I tried to tell him about stuff of his I found, and a memory it made me recall, and he told me I had told him about it a few dozen times. I said I figured I had, but I liked it.

I didn't think it was bad to talk to him. I guess he's busy making his own memories, and I'm busy holding on to mine. I gotta learn to leave my kids alone. I'm too clingy, I guess. I think I just miss everybody. I'm lonely.


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## A2ZGrammie (Sep 19, 2019)

On the road again.....Just can't wait to get on the road again.....

I was corrected by my middle son that I had the lyrics to the song wrong. I really don't care. I like to sing very loudly. And very off key. I have some family members that think it's funny, and some that are very offended. Go figure.

I find that very amusing. My oldest son, Nathan, had the most beautiful singing voice, when he was in 5th grade. I changed his school. I believe it was in February or March. For some reason, his music teacher decided he would sing a solo in their spring musical. He was so nervous, and practiced constantly. When I went to the musical, he sang so beautifully that I almost cried. (And I don't cry. In public, anyway.)

Now, he can't carry a tune in a bucket. But he constantly makes noise. He'll go around the house beatboxing? I think it's called? And make ridiculous noises. He sings, and no one can stand the noises he makes. I don't know if he's doing it on purpose or not.

Anyway, back to being on the road again....

A beach trip is in my near future, and I am so excited! I whole week of doing absolutely nothing. We had been aiming for The Birthday Week (which is next week. My birthday is Monday, my SO is the day after mine. Cool, huh?) but reservations weren't available. So the trip got put off till anniversary week, which will begin Oct 8th, anniversary being on the 10th.

I'm hoping for something cool from my boys for my birthday. They're usually pretty good with gifts. One year my youngest son gave me my very own key to a beach house. I don't own a beach house, but I own a key to one. It has a dolphin key chain. It is one of those decorated keys? With a beach theme. It's on my key chain. My key chain is very valuable. It has the butter cow on it. It's more of an honorary key chain. Doesn't unlock stuff, but boy, do people like to give me key chains. I think I'd break my car if I used it.


I think that's enough ramblin' for now.


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