# Husband leaves wife in labour with first baby to play football for the team



## Warrigal (Apr 30, 2016)

Opinions please - is it praiseworthy for a sportsman to put the team and the boys first and leave his wife to give birth alone?



> *Bronco leaves wife in labour so he can play footy*
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Ameriscot (Apr 30, 2016)

If it was some big championship game I'd say fine, go ahead.  But not for regular game.  

My husband's first wife went into labour when he was playing footy, but he wasn't a professional player.  He was not happy about having to leave the match but he did.


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## Shalimar (Apr 30, 2016)

What a jerk! The birth of a baby is a once in a lifetime thing. It can also be a frightening experience for a young woman alone. What kind of husband leaves his begging wife to not let the boys down? If my husband did that, he would be on the couch for months. Selfish prat. That is the polite word. I like Andy Murray's response! I look  forward to a world where women are at par with men.


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## Ameriscot (Apr 30, 2016)

Shalimar said:


> What a jerk! The birth of a baby is a once in a lifetime thing. It can also be a frightening experience for a young woman alone. What kind of husband leaves his begging wife to not let the boys down? If my husband did that, he would be on the couch for months. Selfish prat. That is the polite word. I like Andy Murray's response! I look  forward to a world where women are at par with men.



Love Andy.  He said his wife and child were more important than a match and would have missed it if he needed to.


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## Pookie (Apr 30, 2016)

There's too much crap put on athletes and I don't care who you are ... your family comes first. Know why? They'll be long after with you than your coaches and guys who toss you after your knee issues and failings.

Better start putting your love and feelings where your future is ... just saying.

I think it's a question of priorities.


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## Butterfly (Apr 30, 2016)

I don't see how this is anybody's business but the couple's.


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## Laurie (Apr 30, 2016)

This business of being present is a modern thing.

In our early years it was an all female thing, and men were sent packing.

When my son was born the midwife picked up my wife at 3.00am and took her off to hospital, and I went back to bed.  If I'd gone to the hospital I'd have had to make my own way there, and I would not have been allowed beyond the front desk.

I went to work as normal and telephoned at half past eight, to be told she was still in labour.  I telephoned again at 12.30 to be told of my son and then, and only then, did I set off for the hospital,  with the congratulations and best wishes of my workmates, both male and female, ringing in my ears.  They would have regarded this as the perfectly normal procedure.

Fathers were just about tolerated in the hospital as helping with the well-being of the mother.  Babies got a little more consideration, for the same reason, but the whole shebang revolved round the mothers, they were  queens in residence.

 Rightly so, for back then that was likely to be the last rest she got for twenty years.


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## Shalimar (Apr 30, 2016)

My son's father was with me when my son was born. He wouldn't have missed it for the world.


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## Warrigal (Apr 30, 2016)

My husband wasn't allowed to be present when our children were born. There was not a single person present for either birth whose face I had ever seen before that day. It was horrible. I felt very alone, and for much of the time I was. For our first, my husband was in a state of anxiety from the time I arrived at the hospital, midnight, to 10 pm the next night when he learned that he had a daughter. I didn't see her until the 10 am feed the next day and he had to wait until afternoon visiting hours.

 My dad was in the army when I was born and he had to wait for a telegram. He was on the opposite side of the country to my mother. He didn't see me until I was 8 months old.

 My daughter had her third and fourth babies at home and She had the midwife, her husband and me, looking after the other children and providing food for everyone. It was a wonderful experience. The old ways are not necessarily better than the new.


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## Falcon (Apr 30, 2016)

These "fathers"  must have sand for brains; comparing sports with birthing.


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 30, 2016)

Butterfly said:


> I don't see how this is anybody's business but the couple's.



I agree Butterfly.  If my husband was a professional football player I would expect him to play for his team in a scheduled game.  If I was pregnant, I wouldn't be so selfish, I would encourage him to play and help the team win, and wish him good luck.  It's not like she's alone in a cabin in the backwoods somewhere.


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## Guitarist (Apr 30, 2016)

To answer your question, Warrigal, IMO it's not praiseworthy.

However ...  what was the coach telling him to do? Is it a pro team?  Was the guy afraid of getting kicked off the team -- losing his livelihood?


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## WheatenLover (Apr 30, 2016)

Apparently his wife wasn't in labor yet and wanted her husband to play the game.

"I would like you to all know that it upsets me to see people talking  about my husband in such a negative way. I told James to play that  evening because I knew that our baby boy wouldn't arrive until after the  game as I was not in 'early labour' at that point in time," she started  out. 

"James is such a loving, caring and nurturing father who  was by my side the whole way through the birth of our very first son and  never left my side!
"While James was at the game, doing what he  loves and does best, I was surrounded by my extended family from Sydney  and mother-in-law while James was at the stadium."
http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/lif...-labour-for-broncos-game-20160429-gohusu.html


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## Guitarist (Apr 30, 2016)

WheatenLover,  you remind me of me, going and researching the story on your own and getting more facts.


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## WhatInThe (Apr 30, 2016)

If he's a football star making lots of money and he took a penalty for missing a game I'd side with his decision. Living comfortably and the child never wanting because of a lack of money is better than a child having a parent that can't provide for their family. Because of his status the child will get the best schools, medical care and supervision/nannies etc.


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 30, 2016)

WheatenLover said:


> Apparently his wife wasn't in labor yet and wanted her husband to play the game.
> 
> "I would like you to all know that it upsets me to see people talking  about my husband in such a negative way. I told James to play that  evening because I knew that our baby boy wouldn't arrive until after the  game as I was not in 'early labour' at that point in time," she started  out.
> 
> ...



Thanks for that WheatenLover, I can't believe some of the drama queens who always want some poor woman to seem like a victim of a selfish man.  When that's not the case, don't create the drama with lies and exaggerations.   They look like a nice couple, hope their new baby is happy and healthy.


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## Cookie (Apr 30, 2016)

SeaBreeze said:


> I agree Butterfly.  If my husband was a professional football player I would expect him to play for his team in a scheduled game.  If I was pregnant, I wouldn't be so selfish, I would encourage him to play and help the team win, and wish him good luck.  It's not like she's alone in a cabin in the backwoods somewhere.



If the husband was in in any other kind of work, he would probably have got leave of absence to be with his wife during the birth of their child_.  _Even if he was professional sports player he could have got leave if he wanted to.  What is it about sports teams that make them take priority above  everything else. 

It's not at all selfish to want the husband with you during the birth, since it is both partners' child, shouldn't the father share in the experience.  To me it seems like the man is the selfish one, and sexist on top of it, to be out playing sports while his wife is alone and struggling giving birth. In the old days the women often had to face labor alone and with not much moral or emotional support, because men considered it women's business. In fact it is very much like being alone in a cabin in the backwoods if  you are with a bunch of strangers during the birth.  But since she was with her extended family, she was OK and not complaining, which she probably would dare not anyway, as that would look bad for her husband and his team.


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## Shalimar (Apr 30, 2016)

I have a friend who at the tender age of twenty four had an aneurism while giving birth. Even in the twenty first century, childbirth is not without risk. Fortunately she was fine. I wonder how her husband would have felt had she died while he was away playing pro sports? There is nothing selfish about wanting the father of your child in 

attendance while you are giving birth. I am flabbergasted that people might consider that attitude dramatic or diva like. Of course this woman will tow the party line, too much is at risk should she upset the good ole boys. Sexism is rampant in professional sports.


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## Cookie (Apr 30, 2016)

Butterfly said:


> I don't see how this is anybody's business but the couple's.



 This is a post that is open to discussion and for us to express our point of view, in which case everything here is everyone's business or nobody's business, otherwise, what the point of this forum at all? 

And SB, this is an opportunity to express an opinion and point of view about a situation that many here have personal experience in, so what is the problem with doing so, which is what we were invited to do. If this is a topic of discussion there will more than one way of looking at it. I am very disappointed by the name calling  - drama queens and liars because we shared our opinions. I hope this does not happen again.


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## Butterfly (Apr 30, 2016)

Cookie said:


> This is a post that is open to discussion and for us to express our point of view, in which case everything here is everyone's business or nobody's business, otherwise, what the point of this forum at all?
> 
> And SB, this is an opportunity to express an opinion and point of view about a situation that many here have personal experience in, so what is the problem with doing so, which is what we were invited to do. If this is a topic of discussion there will more than one way of looking at it. I am very disappointed by the name calling  - drama queens and liars because we shared our opinions. I hope this does not happen again.



And, Cookie, what I was doing was stating my opinion that I didn't see how it was anybody's business but theirs.  I still don't -- that makes me a name calling drama queen?  How exactly does that work??


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## Cookie (Apr 30, 2016)

Butterfly, you have misread my post as well as another one which I was addressing.

Only my first paragraph is in response to you.

My second paragraph was referring to someone else's post not yours.  Try re-reading and see if it makes better sense to you.


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 30, 2016)

WheatenLover said:


> Apparently his wife wasn't in labor yet and wanted her husband to play the game.
> 
> "I would like you to all know that it upsets me to see people talking  about my husband in such a negative way. I told James to play that  evening because I knew that our baby boy wouldn't arrive until after the  game as I was not in 'early labour' at that point in time," she started  out.
> 
> ...





SeaBreeze said:


> Thanks for that WheatenLover, I can't believe some of the drama queens who always want some poor woman to seem like a victim of a selfish man.  When that's not the case, don't create the drama with lies and exaggerations.   They look like a nice couple, hope their new baby is happy and healthy.





Cookie said:


> And SB, this is an opportunity to express an opinion and point of view about a situation that many here have personal experience in, so what is the problem with doing so, which is what we were invited to do. If this is a topic of discussion there will more than one way of looking at it. I am very disappointed by the name calling  - drama queens and liars because we shared our opinions. I hope this does not happen again.



Cookie, I wasn't calling anybody here names.  I was clearly responding to the information and the link above my reply, and I was talking about the media.  The media who always exaggerates everything to get people all worked up and to make headlines.  The wife/partner showed her disappointment with the media in talking about her husband in a negative way.  Of course we all share our opinions here, and I never try get anyone to change their opinions, I always respect them whether I agree or not.


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## Cookie (Apr 30, 2016)

Sorry, I misunderstood your post, SB. Of course you would not have been referring to anyone here.  Thanks for your patience.


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 30, 2016)

That's okay Cookie, no need to apologize, reading typed words can often cause misunderstandings.   It seems that the news reports and newspaper headlines often emphasize a word or give an false meaning to the story, just for the added drama and attention it gets.  Nowadays with social media, it seems to really start a snowball rolling downhill with emotionally charged comments, or so I hear.  I don't do facebook or twitter, etc.


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## Butterfly (Apr 30, 2016)

SeaBreeze said:


> That's okay Cookie, no need to apologize, reading typed words can often cause misunderstandings.   It seems that the news reports and newspaper headlines often emphasize a word or give an false meaning to the story, just for the added drama and attention it gets.  Nowadays with social media, it seems to really start a snowball rolling downhill with emotionally charged comments, or so I hear.  I don't do facebook or twitter, etc.



I don't either, SB.


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## Wrigley's (May 1, 2016)

Anyway - in my opinion - the guy is a professional football player. The coach probably could have changed the lineup but he was on the play roster. I say he needed to be at the game. 

And good on his wife for saying the same thing.


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## Warrigal (May 1, 2016)

Coach Wayne Bennett is very much a family man. I don't believe that there was any pressure coming from him, especially as the Broncos were playing the Rabittohs  and they were coming twelfth on the leader board. 

His wife has said these things after the event. I would do the same rather than tell anyone that I felt let down but I would feel it all the same.


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## Shalimar (May 1, 2016)

I would be deeply hurt. A part of me would never truly feel my husband had my six.


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## Debby (May 1, 2016)

Butterfly said:


> A
> 
> Personally, I think it's all about what the wife wanted at that moment.  And if she wanted him at her side, he should have been and if she sent him off to play....her choices.  Now if he'd gone to play a stupid game (is my bias showinglayful and she wanted him to stay, then in my book, he'd be a less than stellar husband.  Whomever is lying in that bed gets to decide.
> 
> When my friend was sick and dying in the hospital, she sent her husband off for a weekend because she could see that he was getting frazzled and worn from the effects of her illness on their lives.  He went to his buddy's place for a couple days, to unwind and play chess and get his equilibrium back before returning to her side.  Unfortunately, she died while he was at Cliff's and he couldn't get back to her side in time.  Was he wrong for going, in my opinion no, because she released him, she sent him off.  Maybe she knew that her time was imminent and she wanted him to not have to go through it because it was her journey.  I don't know about that, but she was in charge because she was the one laying in the bed.


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## Shalimar (May 1, 2016)

Over the years, I have been privileged to have been present as a doula in over 100 births. In not one of them, have I ever heard a woman say, "it's ok, honey, you go play ball, I'll be fine," or any other activity, professional or otherwise. I can see it 

happening if a woman is a veteran of multiple births, (doubtful,) perhaps, or if  hubby has proven himself less than helpful during the birthing process during earlier births, (more likely.) But, a first time mother? Not in my experience, and not in the experience of the three other doulas I 

questioned re their experiences. Some questioned whether the husband used the game as a "get out of jail free" card, in order to avoid the birth process. Not all men are comfortable with the nitty gritties of childbirth.


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## Warrigal (May 1, 2016)

We wouldn't be talking about this if he hadn't gone on The Footie Show patting himself on the back for putting the team and his mates first. He was not complaining about missing the birth for contractual reasons. It may have been bravado or machismo but IMO it reveals a certain amount of emotional immaturity. That is the defining characteristic of The Footie Show. That, and stunted intellect.


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## Shalimar (May 1, 2016)

What a dick.


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## Wrigley's (May 1, 2016)

Would the CEO of a major corporation get basted if he missed a child's  birth because it was "imperative" he attend a board meeting regarding  the company's financial woes?

Football is James Robert's profession, he is very well paid, and it's a relatively short career. 

And give his wife some credit!


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## NancyNGA (May 1, 2016)

Just my weird opinion, but I don't believe I would *want* a husband in the delivery room.  Maybe outside in the waiting room, but then, he might as well go do something productive.  Unless maybe you wanted to play the pity card?


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## Warrigal (May 1, 2016)

> Would the CEO of a major corporation get basted if he missed a child's  birth because it was "imperative" he attend a board meeting regarding  the company's financial woes?



I can't answer that but I suspect that even a highly successful businessman might make the effort to be present at his child's birth. This footballer is not that eminent and his team is/was not in any danger of losing the match.


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## WhatInThe (May 1, 2016)

Cookie said:


> If the husband was in in any other kind of work, he would probably have got leave of absence to be with his wife during the birth of their child_.  _Even if he was professional sports player he could have got leave if he wanted to.  What is it about sports teams that make them take priority above  everything else.
> 
> It's not at all selfish to want the husband with you during the birth, since it is both partners' child, shouldn't the father share in the experience.  To me it seems like the man is the selfish one, and sexist on top of it, to be out playing sports while his wife is alone and struggling giving birth. In the old days the women often had to face labor alone and with not much moral or emotional support, because men considered it women's business. In fact it is very much like being alone in a cabin in the backwoods if  you are with a bunch of strangers during the birth.  But since she was with her extended family, she was OK and not complaining, which she probably would dare not anyway, as that would look bad for her husband and his team.



You are correct many companies would've given paid leave of absence for something like the birth of a child. But the argument in professional sport even though basically year round now a days with practices all year round is that they argue only so many games per year. Unless the professional athlete is at least present to play even if not listed as a starter they aren't doing their job and there for won't get paid-lame argument especially with star athlete salaries. But that's a problem too, individual contracts sort of negate many of the benefits the average employee might get. But those same contracts give the athlete enough financial freedom that they can afford to miss a few games and some money.


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## Wrigley's (May 1, 2016)

Warrigal said:


> I can't answer that but I suspect that even a highly successful businessman might make the effort to be present at his child's birth. This footballer is not that eminent and his team is/was not in any danger of losing the match.



Warrigal, I'm glad you don't have intimate knowledge of corporate life. It's cut-throat. When my brother was involved, he was denied time off to attend our grandmother's funeral because he'd already missed "imperative" meetings to go see her in the hospital. That's when he decided to work for a lot less at our dad's (growing) company, which is thriving now. 

I still say Robert's wife isn't lying to protect his image or whatever. She's wife of a professional athlete and understands the sacrifices.


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## SeaBreeze (May 1, 2016)

Wrigley's said:


> Would the CEO of a major corporation get basted if he missed a child's  birth because it was "imperative" he attend a board meeting regarding  the company's financial woes?
> 
> Football is James Robert's profession, he is very well paid, and it's a relatively short career.
> 
> And give his wife some credit!



I think whether his coach insisted on his playing in that game or not, this was a personal decision and you're right, it was his job.  Putting that aside, we all have different priorities, to some of us the husband being present at the moment of birth would not crucial and  wouldn't define his worth as a loving husband, a provider or a good father.

  I do give his wife credit, she was surrounded by family and loved ones for the birth of her child, it's too bad her husband is being beaten down for this.  Price you pay for being in the public eye I guess.


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## Shalimar (May 1, 2016)

I think her husband is being beaten down for this because many women, and some men, believe his place was at his wife's side. I suspect if men who support his choice experienced the realities  of labour first hand, their attitude might change. No one who has not done so, has much credibility IMHO.


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## SeaBreeze (May 1, 2016)

Shalimar said:


> I think her husband is being beaten down for this because many women, and some men, believe his place was at his wife's side.



What many other people believe is fine for their own situations, but IMO, everyone should live their lives for themselves and those close loved ones who really matter, preferably without criticism and judgment from the public outsiders.  Realistically, many men and women (probably even his wife) don't have a problem with his going about his business during this personal time.  I don't think it's fair at all to demonize him for this.


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## Wrigley's (May 1, 2016)

Shalimar said:


> I think her husband is being beaten down for this because many women, and some men, believe his place was at his wife's side. I suspect if men who support his choice experienced the realities  of labour first hand, their attitude might change. No one who has not done so, has much credibility IMHO.



Mr and Mrs James Roberts have total credibility. That's why I take their side. 

Wow. Think about all the doctors who miss their kids' births. I'm sure that's more excusable, but it's a lot of missed births. And their wives understand.


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## Debby (May 1, 2016)

I remember both my births pretty clearly and I can say categorically, that if my husband hadn't been there, it wouldn't have bothered me a bit.  He tried to be helpful as I recall, but I hardly remember his presence at all.  I was otherwise occupied!


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