# Adult Child Complaining Parent Didn't Leave Enough Inheritance



## WhatInThe (Dec 14, 2018)

Arrgggghhhhhh

Know an gray haired adult child who is whining/complaining their adult parent didn't leave them enough inheritance. Yet that same parent depleted bank accounts and remortgaged the house to  pay the price of that child's drinking, drugging & party lifestyle. The parent hoped they eventually would grow out of it but decades after issues as a teenager they never did. The funeral/burial are covered and will wind up with more money after estate settled but they are actually puzzled/resentful their parent didn't buy/have a 6 figure insurance policy for them. We'll let me see, the parent was busy repaying a second mortgage taken out because of that child along with paying their own bills.

I consider anything I inherit from anyone a bonus.This kid felt entitled, commented through the years about their plans when their parents are gone with their inheritance. We tried telling the parent your child is a leach and you spent more than a enough on them to the point of enabling. Tried to tell them support and financial support are two different things. Sadly in their final years they realized the gravity of their child's behavior but it was too late. Financial stress among other issues did them in. Things got so bad their was no way they were going to pay that mortgage without help and pride would've stifled a call for help from others.

But that sense of entitlement.


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## RadishRose (Dec 14, 2018)

That whiner, as you have described, is a poor excuse for a human, imo.


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## Aunt Bea (Dec 14, 2018)

IMO it is a very bad/creepy sign when children start thinking of their parent's money as their own.

I also believe that some of that sense of entitlement is the fault of the parents.  It's a very hard thing to decide if you should provide financial support to a loved one when the going gets tough.  If a person has a financial problem they usually consider all of the options until a solution is found.  The next time they have a problem they will always try the solution that worked for them in the past first.  In this case, it sounds like the TNT solution was the bank of Mom and Dad.


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## WhatInThe (Dec 14, 2018)

Aunt Bea said:


> IMO it is a very bad/creepy sign when children start thinking of their parent's money as their own.
> 
> I also believe that some of that sense of entitlement is the fault of the parents.  It's a very hard thing to decide if you should provide financial support to a loved one when the going gets tough.  If a person has a financial problem they usually consider all of the options until a solution is found.  The next time they have a problem they will always try the solution that worked for them in the past first.  In this case, it sounds like the TNT solution was the bank of Mom and Dad.



The parent became lenient after the other died when they were younger although they graduated high school and hoped that age would rid them of their lifestyle. By the their late 20s they seemed to correct themselves with a career type job but that money went into partying/lifestyle-not savings for a house or education for career. After a certain point one would figure an adult would pick up on things or desire to become more independent by osmosis. Before you know it they were at middle age with nothing to show.

 Where the parent really went wrong on multiple fronts was the adult child wanted a $40,000 loan(actually asked for 60K) with a 75K salary and no mortgage. We asked why, they said their child was getting ready to buy a house/get married-neither came close to happening. The child got laid off a few years later and the parent had to pick up about 70% of the loan they took for the kid. Yet the kid found money for life style. We told just ask him for 50 a month, anything because if you totally ignore that debt they'll assume you'll take care of it which is what happened.

 Then after a decade of gig type jobs the parent wanted to see their child in a real job with benefits etc and offered to help them with a car which turned into a luxary car. The kid made payments but the parent had to pay/front insurance so that led to another home equity loan which ends the longest chapter in their financial trouble. 

 But the child always felt they were missing something when compared to their richer friends and parents. It was as much the crowd they ran with ie more money. They went out of there way to hang out with richer actually losing many long time friends. The best friends are half their age now because they're the only ones that go to bars/drink alot. Besides alcohol it became lifestyle addiction.

There were plenty of warning signs through out the years. We told the parent you don't need long drawn out lectures/discussion just work hard on the small stuff like paying something monthly on all debts and do not enable their drinking/lifestyle in anyway. Throw in the simple rules and boundaries they could've changed the course. The parent also got duped by kid by trying to not enable charging/not giving cash for a gym membership for one year. Come renewal time the kid told the gym just put it on the charge on file.

I think age and other issues prevented them getting serious enough with their child to properly confront and address their choices. My thing is the kid or 50 something adult still talks like a teenager acting like an adult. At a certain point one has to realize they are responsible for themselves financially and maturity wise.


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## Camper6 (Dec 14, 2018)

I have a strange one here.

There is an old gentlemen in his nineties.  He has money but his health is failing.  His daughter who is not married moved in with him to look after him.  Drives him all over.  Cooks.  Looks after him.

He's complaining that she doesn't pay rent.


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## WhatInThe (Dec 14, 2018)

Camper6 said:


> I have a strange one here.
> 
> There is an old gentlemen in his nineties.  He has money but his health is failing.  His daughter who is not married moved in with him to look after him.  Drives him all over.  Cooks.  Looks after him.
> 
> He's complaining that she doesn't pay rent.



That's the opposite of what's happening in this case. Other children took care of the parent for over a decade. The whiner used to visit and impose their life/style on them for days on end.

 I think in both cases both don't realize how good they have it with parent having a child who will take of them as the child who had a parent that took care of them. Both cases it should be a mutually beneficial arrangement.


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## RadishRose (Dec 14, 2018)

People can be so strange.


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## WhatInThe (Dec 16, 2018)

They are still complaining about the lack of insurance policies with a capital S and want to pay a lawyer to handle everything. They hate paperwork and have the patience of a two year old. The lawyer wants over 15K to clear up the estate. Yet they are complaining about the lack of money. 

To top it off I know the house and market he wants to sell for money. There is no windfall there due to age of the house. It was a long time senior owner who just wanted to see stuff function, nothing new and bold like one sees on those flip shows. Many buyers are turned off by old(but functional) because they have been bombarded by tv shows and promotions from the big box home improvement stores with 'new'. But they don't want to listen and want their money from the estate yesterday.

Many saw it coming. Found out he's been asking relatives and/or friends about their inheritance for years, kind of nosy if you ask me. But not everyone is the same. And that includes his friends and family that didn't borrow 10s of thousands of dollars from their senior parents or spend their own money substances and a party life as an adult.


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## Sassycakes (Dec 16, 2018)

This thread reminded me of my older brother and his wife. My Dad passed away first and 9yrs later my Mom passed away. When my Mother had to go to a nursing home because she need constant care I was heartbroken . I wanted to take care of her but the Doctor said the nursing home would be best. After she passed away we had to give the nursing home her house. 

My brother and his wife were furious. They said I should have handled things differently, that the house was our inheritance. He hadn't even visited my parents in years. When  my parents passed away he didn't contribute anything. I exploded and told them that my parents had given us an inheritance when they were alive. 

My Dad was a generous man. He helped all of us when we needed it. My brother and his wife lived with my parents for 5 yrs with their 2 sons. My parents never took a dime from them and even bought my brother a car. My Dad also helped me and my sister when ever we needed something. 2 years ago my brother passed away and his wife had passed the year before. He had 3 children and what did he leave them ? He only left one of his children everything and nothing for his 2 sons. I will never understand him.


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## WhatInThe (Dec 17, 2018)

It does sound familiar. It's that sense of entitlement and lack of understanding of what when on when the parent was alive. I think many have been preconditioned to expect a big insurance payout and 'valuable' family heirlooms. If they see enough of their friends or other distant family get something they assume/expect similar things. 

 That being said the child here basically wants to cut an run forcing other siblings to sell or pay him off to go away. He is clear, he wants money and is absolutely bitter and resentful the parent didn't leave or even have alot. Yet the child benefited the most from his parent's generosity. He's going to get his either way.


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## TravelingLife (Dec 17, 2018)

I was on a, lets say shallow, based website for awhile. There was one gal on there who 50% of the time mentioned how much she'd be getting when her mom died. It was disgusting. Then her mother threw a wrench into her plan by remarrying a man with kids.  Yes, there might of been an agreement that what is his is his etc. However, that doesn't always work. Saw that happen with BFF.

I expected nothing. Was happy my dad had some great years traveling, living in FL, etc.  Never expected he'd leave my brother and I all that he did. If I had know, might of asked for a down payment on a house like many of my friends got.  J/K     Life worked out the way it's suppose to.


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## fmdog44 (Dec 17, 2018)

I thought slime came in a tube.


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## oldman (Dec 18, 2018)

After reading all of these comments, I am really glad now that I set up trusts for everyone (children, grandchildren, church and charities) that will be inheriting their due. What's left in the various accounts gets divided equally among our two children. My two children get an annual report each year of the trust's value and it also shows its' gains and losses, if any. I have never heard a peep about anything from anyone, except our daughter keeps telling us that she doesn't like getting those reports, but the laws require it. 

It really doesn't matter if you are leaving behind $1.00 or $100mil, everyone should consider having a trust account set up. This eliminates all the need for the crap that is later tossed about. It really doesn't cost all that much to do and in some cases, I have been told by friends that their bank has done it for free, so long as the money is kept in their bank.


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## WhatInThe (Dec 18, 2018)

oldman said:


> After reading all of these comments, I am really glad now that I set up trusts for everyone (children, grandchildren, church and charities) that will be inheriting their due. What's left in the various accounts gets divided equally among our two children. My two children get an annual report each year of the trust's value and it also shows its' gains and losses, if any. I have never heard a peep about anything from anyone, except our daughter keeps telling us that she doesn't like getting those reports, but the laws require it.
> 
> It really doesn't matter if you are leaving behind $1.00 or $100mil, everyone should consider having a trust account set up. This eliminates all the need for the crap that is later tossed about. It really doesn't cost all that much to do and in some cases, I have been told by friends that their bank has done it for free, so long as the money is kept in their bank.



A trust is another good idea along with a will, beneficiary designation etc. Also heard incorporating can help as well.

 But in this case it's the expectations and entitlement of that adult child. They got more money and attention through out their adult lives than most. Many parents would've  detached, banished, ignored, said no to an adult child in a similar situation decades prior. They just don't get it. And the rest of the family isn't like that. 

One used to worry about the circle of friends a teenager would have but in this case their adult friends had a much greater influence than family.


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## Catlady (Dec 18, 2018)

oldman said:


> It really doesn't matter if you are leaving behind $1.00 or $100mil, everyone should consider having a trust account set up.



Wow, I didn't know.  I always thought that to have a trust you have to have at least $500k.  Will have to look into it.  Thanks!


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## WhatInThe (Dec 26, 2018)

Now the whiner is complaining that survivors won't buy his portion of a home for sale now. He wants to use an estimated value the lawyer he chose put on the house. And in that neighborhood un renovated homes are going for 30-50K less than the lawyers estimate. Now he wants others to fork over 10K for renovations. He's not even in charge. He's also violently upset that some items are not going to fetch the price he was hoping on. 

Also note this same individual was in disbelief when their parents didn't receive any inheritance when one of their younger family members died. They just assume everyone with gray hair and a home is going to leave money to everyone. Ugggh


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## Butterfly (Dec 27, 2018)

If I were the other survivors, I'd just ignore him and let him stew in his own anger, pettiness and greed.  He can't force the others to buy him out, or force them to contribute to renovations.


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## Trade (Dec 28, 2018)

RadishRose said:


> People can be so strange.



I'm sorry, I just couldn't pass that one up.


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## StarSong (Dec 28, 2018)

oldman said:


> After reading all of these comments, I am really glad now that I set up trusts for everyone (children, grandchildren, church and charities) that will be inheriting their due. What's left in the various accounts gets divided equally among our two children. My two children get an annual report each year of the trust's value and it also shows its' gains and losses, if any. I have never heard a peep about anything from anyone, except our daughter keeps telling us that she doesn't like getting those reports, but the laws require it.
> 
> It really doesn't matter if you are leaving behind $1.00 or $100mil, everyone should consider having a trust account set up. This eliminates all the need for the crap that is later tossed about. It really doesn't cost all that much to do and in some cases, I have been told by friends that their bank has done it for free, so long as the money is kept in their bank.



I'm presuming you have set up _irrevocable trusts_ for your heirs/beneficiaries.  My family trust (hub & me), my mother's trust and my in-laws' trusts (all revocable) have never issued annual reports to anyone - myself included.  Assets can be added or removed from our trusts as the mood strikes.  Beneficiaries can be added, removed or have allocation percentages (or amounts) changed by fairly simple addendum to the trust.


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## WhatInThe (Dec 28, 2018)

This is a perfect example of sayings like one should not do business with family. Especially if it involves money. Yeh it's nice to think everyone will get along but that's not reality. For some families I can see it working for others no way. 

The whiner's even fighting the way the estate property is being handled. If he can't get full control he wants to turn it over to his lawyer to handle everything including the sale of property. But the lawyer want's close to 20K to do that. The lawyer is selling him that all related costs come off the value of  the estate come tax time but it does not put additional money in  anyone's pocket. The stupid thing it's not a millionaire's inheritance.  Everyone will be lucky to wind up in the low five figures.

 He's also trying to rationalize not paying debts owed by the deceased including a mortgage, he argues how can survivors/family be responsible for someone else's debt. It's true to a point for something like credit cards but not a house. The bank will argue no is forcing them to keep the house. This is half century old 'adult'.


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## Catlady (Dec 28, 2018)

WhatInThe said:


> This is a perfect example of sayings like one should not do business with family. Especially if it involves money. Yeh it's nice to think everyone will get along but that's not reality. For some families I can see it working for others no way.



I agree that only a few families can do business together.  The very young guy who started Subway was one of the few exceptions.  When he first started out he had immediate and extended family working for him in all capacities.  I don't know if they were so chummy AFTER the company got to be big and making big money.


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## Kitties (Jan 2, 2019)

What a mess and it's really too bad. These things probably go on more than some imagine. This person could have had some personality disorder. My brother is one. Does nothing, expects praise and puts me down. A real winner. I don't expect or want a dime when my stepfather is gone. I do want my freedom which he is taking form me.


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## WhatInThe (Jan 3, 2019)

Now the whiner is slamming their deceased parent for their poor management of their own money. The parent did not stick people for 20K or ask for financial assistance from family as an adult. The gall. They simply won't accept responsibility for their part in this. They're blaming what the parents did 30 years ago, anything from retiring too early or not hiring a stock broker. And again they fail to accept their responsibility in this 30 years ago having to repeat or restart around at least 10 college courses for an associate degree-the parent said they just wanted to make sure they got a degree. Lucky it was a 2 yr degree which took almost 4 years because the kid wouldn't even have been able to hit up the parent for 10s of thousands years later.


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## WhatInThe (Jan 15, 2019)

Well the bitter child continues to stew over no big life insurance policy. Keeps on complaining it's unfair the children(1/2 century old) should have to pay for their deceased parents bills yet he's stayed at and continues to store stuff in the house and used the utilities which haven't been disconnected yet. When its all said and done his payout will be close to 6 figures and yet he is still bitter, disappointed, angry and/or resentful. 

He went off on another rant on how the family or even some lifetime/'good' friends didn't help him 'enough' during his bankruptcy years. He always had a place to stay, shower, do laundry, store things etc though. Even had his cell phone paid for by others for over a half year which he complained it wasn't a higher end smart phone/plan. He blames everyone else but himself for years of personal issues & bad decisions. If you didn't support 1000% no matter the circumstances you are a family or lifetime friend traitor. For some reason he's always felt he missed or is owed something by the entire extended family and some lifetime friends. Unbelievable.


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## SeaBreeze (Jan 15, 2019)

He sounds like a real 'piece of work', he has it better than a LOT of people and he still thinks the world and everyone in it owes him.....incredible!


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## Catlady (Jan 15, 2019)

WhatInThe said:


> Well the bitter child continues to stew over no big life insurance policy. Keeps on complaining it's unfair the children(1/2 century old) should have to pay for their deceased parents bills yet he's stayed at and continues to store stuff in the house and used the utilities which haven't been disconnected yet. When its all said and done his payout will be close to 6 figures and yet he is still bitter, disappointed, angry and/or resentful.
> 
> He went off on another rant on how the family or even some lifetime/'good' friends didn't help him 'enough' during his bankruptcy years. He always had a place to stay, shower, do laundry, store things etc though. Even had his cell phone paid for by others for over a half year which he complained it wasn't a higher end smart phone/plan. He blames everyone else but himself for years of personal issues & bad decisions. If you didn't support 1000% no matter the circumstances you are a family or lifetime friend traitor. For some reason he's always felt he missed or is owed something by the entire extended family and some lifetime friends. Unbelievable.



He sounds like a narcissist, everything is about HIM and the world and its people owe HIM.


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## WhatInThe (Jan 16, 2019)

PVC said:


> He sounds like a narcissist, everything is about HIM and the world and its people owe HIM.



Not only does he whine about the way he gets treated or viewed upon by others mostly with cause it's his constant berating of the deceased parent. The only "financial' decision he pushed the parent to do was to get full renovations instead 'wasting' money on functional/practical repairs. In other words not only was he counting on a cash inheritance he wanted more money out of the house.

  The pos apparently was counting on inheritance and I think he started making serious plans for it about 15 years ago which is around the time the parent really started aging/getting sick and some of his financial issues flared up. He's always looked for the big score and think he saw inheritance as it. Knowing richer friends who lost parents didn't help and then when family got a cash settlement for their half a house less than 10 years ago it was blatantly obvious what he was planning.

He needs to remember there are others are part of the estate as well. Unemployed he's even arguing on appointment times to take care of associated business although he's always hated making special trips but he expects others to. It's always about his convenience. The parent let him use the house as a mailing address yet he frequently wanted his mail dropped off to him. 

It's frustrating to see him complain about the selling house yet he is still using it and playing the victim for having to pay the bills he's generating other than the deceased debts. He uses it like a second home.


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## WhatInThe (Jan 28, 2019)

*another*

Now he's grumbling about family wanting to take some things for themselves for which they and he are allowed. He wants as many items left so a bigger lot of stuff is left to be sold as a lot to a buyer. That and he just wants the entire process done asap so he can get his money. He also wants his friends to handle several item individually. He wants all this control but other than him talking to the lawyer on occasion or maybe more he's done little in that house. He normally a 'delegator' to his own detriment spending himself into at least bankruptcy in the past.


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## RadishRose (Jan 28, 2019)

Amazing. I don't know whether I want to punch him in the face or kick him in the a$$!


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## StarSong (Jan 28, 2019)

What is your connection to this person?


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## toffee (Jan 29, 2019)

reading these posts does really annoy me some - bloody kids being greedy about the parents money ' how was these kids raised i wonder ? god help my sons if i heard any of this ' respect seems a no go area with most of todays youngsters -but not all pleased to say, nothing worse than greed ' I would say b---off ime leaving it all to a animal home 'and if u need it' go earn it like we did ……………………..


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## Pinky (Jan 29, 2019)

My parents had to work hard to keep a roof over our heads, feed and clothe us kids. We never thought of what would be left to us. It shouldn't be of any concern to adult children,
even if they are named in their parent's Will. As mentioned in the above post .. go earn 
your own living and don't be greedy.


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## CarolfromTX (Jan 29, 2019)

Whenever our daughter encourages me to buy something or take a trip, I tell her, "Well, it's coming out of your inheritance!" LOL! She just rolls her eyes.


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## treeguy64 (Jan 29, 2019)

I never expected, or received, a penny from my folks, after I graduated from college, plus I worked my way through college, so I didn't need any money from them.  I was told not to plan on them ever supporting me (as an adult), when I was still very young, and I took them at their word, with no hard feelings, whatsoever.  My daughter does very well, with her family, and she has my business sense, as she is growing her own business, so I don't worry about leaving her anything.  If I haven't used up my "millions" on wild living and constant partying (fat chance), I certainly will leave her something in my will, but that has never been my raison d'etre in life.


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## WhatInThe (Feb 12, 2019)

toffee said:


> reading these posts does really annoy me some - bloody kids being greedy about the parents money ' how was these kids raised i wonder ? god help my sons if i heard any of this ' respect seems a no go area with most of todays youngsters -but not all pleased to say, nothing worse than greed ' I would say b---off ime leaving it all to a animal home 'and if u need it' go earn it like we did ……………………..



I agree but sometimes even "adult" children can fall in with the wrong crowd. Apparently here he had enough richer friends in child and adult years where money solved a lot of problems. Money is also party fuel. He never wanted the party to stop. Now as an adult with fading & graying hair he realizes he needs money to maintain his lifestyle which one could say is just as much an addiction as a chemical. He was frequently facilitated or enabled but his peers seemed to grow out of their party phase decades ago. He didn't and before you know it bars, fancy restaurants, cars etc became a daily necessity. Hanging with richer people and trying to justify/rationalize his need for money is contorted because his richer friends have alot of money, he does not and their strategies probably won't work with non millionaires. But so and so said so.


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## WhatInThe (Mar 15, 2019)

This 'child' is apparently mad the parent's house will be sold and he will have to move stuff he's been storing there since childhood. Apparently he never did a clean out of his things. He also has accumulated alot of stuff as an adult using the house as a second home/storage unit. God forbid he has to rent a storage unit or move into a bigger place. He has a place with spare bedrooms-what the heck. 

He also uses the house/address for mail, does personal & work there along with storing a lot of stuff. And of course using it to sleep off a night at a local bar. Yet the same person who couldn't wait to get the house sold and/or have his share bought out is now whining the house will indeed go up for sale.

 He'll even get money but I guess he wants free storage cake too.


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## Pauline1954 (Mar 17, 2019)

I guess it works both ways.


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## Patnono (Mar 17, 2019)

I use to train as a CNA of Course in a convalescent home.  I was told that relatives come to the nursing homes and argue with their parents about money.  Some of their adult kids may not realize that when their parents go to live in a convalescent home they become a ward of the state and cannot have Any money, property...in other words DESITUTE.  I told my kid's I doubt im leaving anything, caus living in California is expensive. My boyfriends parents said their not leaving Anything, they mean it.  They've been going on expensive vacations, new cars, etc. The kids act like their entitled to what WE earned??? It's ours to spend and I'll do just that


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## fuzzybuddy (Mar 17, 2019)

Both my parents always worked to give me a home, food, and clothing. I felt that any funds they had should be spent on making their lives better. I never even considered an inheritance. Turns out what little they had went to a home for my 92 year mother.


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## Patnono (Mar 17, 2019)

I can say having a will does NO good they can be challenged regardless what it says.  My ex-husband had a friend who had money and property unfortunately No will, in this case it could have helped the son with Down syndrome?  She had 7 kids one of them had Down syndrome because she had No will, her other children had him institutionalized... Money before Family???


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## WhatInThe (Mar 18, 2019)

Patnono said:


> I can say having a will does NO good they can be challenged regardless what it says.  My ex-husband had a friend who had money and property unfortunately No will, in this case it could have helped the son with Down syndrome?  She had 7 kids one of them had Down syndrome because she had No will, her other children had him institutionalized... Money before Family???



Money before family. Yep, I've seen it. Money or the potential for lots of money lets you see people's true colors. And they were probably dropping hints or showing signs their entire life if you think about it.

 The adult child here was complaining before the parent was buried about the lack of inheritance, berated them for their finances and lack of a will. Most saw this coming because he was making plans for the house they was going to flip years prior. Unwieldy sense of entitlement for decades.  He also expected family to do things for him no questions asked because you were family. Things like drive him and from the bar or not question his drinking.


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## Patnono (Mar 18, 2019)

It's such ashame that money is literally destroying Families . My mom thank God has nothing to leave us, their are 8 of us.  The thing that will come up is when God decides to take my mom her funeral expensesare being questioned?  She's going to be 90 and has dementia.  When my father died no one helped me pay for his funeral.  I never threw it back at them, but with the possibility of my mom dying?  I don't think I should help pay for hers, I'm retired now with several health issues.  Don't know how their going to take it???


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## OneEyedDiva (Mar 23, 2019)

What a selfish b*tch! That adult child was enabled and spoiled rotten. I hope Karma bites him or her in the a*s!


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## WhatInThe (Mar 23, 2019)

OneEyedDiva said:


> What a selfish b*tch! That adult child was enabled and spoiled rotten. I hope Karma bites him or her in the a*s!



The parents and others enabled hoping time and age would mature them. It did not. They enabled by not giving notice or confronting the child on various issues especially money like asking for a payment of anykind on borrowed/fronted money-true the child probably couldn't have paid off the debts but by completely ignoring it and not at least having a talk with them the child thought they didn't care or notice. Throw in falling in with the wrong crowd several times including several as a full fledged adult their attitude towards money(a borrowed item like a pen never to be returned) became a way of life. Throw in drug and alcohol abuse among other things the kid is one step above a grifter. What stands out to me is them complaining they have to pay for the funeral, not how will they get the money to pay but the fact they even have to pay for the funeral.


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## WhatInThe (Aug 13, 2019)

And the waste that accompanies his greed.

Part of the reason he graves money he always wants new/latest and greatest. Only the best for him. Champange taste on a beer budget pure and simple. He wanted all metal in the home thrown into a pile and sold for scrap. Were talking useful items like pots, pans, tools/boxes, cabinets, fans etc, ANYTHING metal, I mean stuff with useful life, not outdated. Even wants some antique or vintage items scrapped that might make more sold as is. He never seemed to mind using or benefiting off many of those items for decades. 

Shouldn't be surprised. He loves new and shinny. He says people who take care of and hold on to things for awhile are outdated. 'you have to get with it in modern times'-that rationalizes his behavior. This is the same person with at least one bankruptcy, failed businesses and career and is always looking/plotting for more money. Even his enabling girlfriend calls him out of much of his waste and she's picked up alot of his attitude over the years. He lost other girl friends when he hit her parents up for money under the guise of a business venture.

In the meantime he thinks he's the only one that thinking/doing things right. He's scrapped the advice of a paid family lawyer and now using strategies from bar stool lawyer & accounting friends who undoubtly don't have a full accurate picture.


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## Patio Life (Aug 13, 2019)

I have several friends, in their 50s, who are waiting for a parent to die - so they can have all the money. They do as little as possible in the now, just waiting.
All of them have had at least one home purchased outright for them. And bills paid when they cry broke. They brag about their future wealth and what they will do. 

When my dad passed away, my mom called all of us kids asking about what to do with all the money she now had. Did we want her to put it away for us? All of us (5 adult kids) told her to spend every dime. She traveled and enjoyed her life. We inherited no money from either parent and are fine.


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## WhatInThe (Aug 13, 2019)

Patio Life said:


> I have several friends, in their 50s, who are waiting for a parent to die - so they can have all the money. They do as little as possible in the now, just waiting.
> All of them have had at least one home purchased outright for them. And bills paid when they cry broke. They brag about their future wealth and what they will do.
> 
> When my dad passed away, my mom called all of us kids asking about what to do with all the money she now had. Did we want her to put it away for us? All of us (5 adult kids) told her to spend every dime. She traveled and enjoyed her life. We inherited no money from either parent and are fine.



That's what he did. He was talking about flipping the parent's house years before they passed. He told his siblings the house would have to be treated like a flip to make money? He complained when the parents only got things repaired rather than completely redone. As-is they will make money. He was crying about money before the parents were in the ground saying how unfair it is for the hiers to have to pay for the funeral. He doesn't want to pay money but doesn't seem to mind collecting.

He's constantly complaining about the way the parents handled their finances. Well they didn't declare bankruptcy, have stuff repossessed, lose jobs or couch surf because of the way they handled business. His bar stool buddies  get him all ginned up on could've should've.

And yes it is/was the parents right spend their money anyway they want to. He likes to talk about all the technicalities, legalities etc yet doesn't quite understand that the parents are not obligated other than by default to leave or give anything to their children.  It's that sense of entitlement that really gets me.

Even guys like Buffet and Gates are only leaving a fraction of their wealth to their children. Sometimes not so rich but successful parents over do it on their adult children ie with insurance policies, accounts, homes, possessions etc. . He has a lot of richer friends(even got mad at them because they wouldn't loan or give him money for his business ideas) that got a lot more than he will get but he won't accept the fact that was for several reasons including more financial success, not more generosity.


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## 911 (Aug 15, 2019)

We have investigated people who have helped the situation along by murdering their parents to hurry the inheritance payout.


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## WhatInThe (Aug 16, 2019)

911 said:


> We have investigated people who have helped the situation along by murdering their parents to hurry the inheritance payout.



Would not put it past him especially after observing the way he's always angling for money and plotted out other things in his life. In the end it's what ever he can get away with. It's like a Lifetime movie except it's not a movie.


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## OneEyedDiva (Aug 22, 2019)

Patio Life said:


> I have several friends, in their 50s, who are waiting for a parent to die - so they can have all the money. They do as little as possible in the now, just waiting.
> All of them have had at least one home purchased outright for them. And bills paid when they cry broke. They brag about their future wealth and what they will do.
> 
> When my dad passed away, my mom called all of us kids asking about what to do with all the money she now had. Did we want her to put it away for us? All of us (5 adult kids) told her to spend every dime. She traveled and enjoyed her life. We inherited no money from either parent and are fine.


Wow..how upstanding of you and your siblings and a tribute to the good parenting you had. As for your greedy friends, they'd better hope no health crisis eats up that money before they can get their slimy hands on it.


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## fuzzybuddy (Sep 5, 2019)

I never expected any inheritance. My parents weren't rich. And even if they were, I just would have thought they should use it to improve their lives. My beloved EX sister-in-law is the direct opposite. She has several brothers and sisters. She was present when her mother died. Leaving the hospital, she bumped into her brother at the mall. She never told her brother that their mom had just died. She then drove to her mom's home and started carting things to her car.  There is something about "inheritance" that drives her crazy.


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## Sassycakes (Sep 5, 2019)

*I got a call today from my Husbands older Brothers daughter. She was ranting and raving about how she has been stuck taking care of her Dad. She has 2 older brother's who were taking turns caring for her Dad until a few weeks ago. One brother's wife had a stroke and is struggling to even be able to walk. Her other brother lost his son about a year ago and his wife is having mental problems so taking care of his Dad isn't possible now. So my husbands niece wants my husband and his remaining sister to kick in and help. She wants us to care for him 3 days a week and my husbands sister should take care of him 3 days a week and she would do just one day a week. Now we are all much older then she is. We all live a distance away from my BIL while she lives a few blocks away from him. She doesn't have children and she doesn't work and when she got a divorce her husband gave her enough money to live on for the rest of her life. She refuses to put him in a nursing home which he would like to do. She has total control over what happens to him and all his money and property is in trust to her and nothing for her brothers. I will never understand how children who were raised by wonderful parents can turn out so rotten.*


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## WhatInThe (Sep 6, 2019)

Wonderful parents rotten children.

It happens. An adult can fall in with the wrong crowd as well. I've seen it. The problem with adults is the wrong crowd tends to be people of a particular mindset or philosophy. They want their ideas and behaviors validated. The 'indoctrination' if you will is a little slower and legal even if unethical so no alarms are raised. Throw in what one doesn't know about the parent or child and adult child can easily turn out different than their parents.

Here the parents hoped time and age would eventually stop their child's juvenile delinquent type behavior. Never happened then throw legal drinking and illegal drugging even the best parents will lose a war with their adult children. I think some adult children also want show 'power' so they'll defend poor or stupid decisions to the bitter end. The actual issue/s get lost in a power struggle.


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## jujube (Sep 6, 2019)

Sassycakes said:


> *I got a call today from my Husbands older Brothers daughter. She was ranting and raving about how she has been stuck taking care of her Dad. She has 2 older brother's who were taking turns caring for her Dad until a few weeks ago. One brother's wife had a stroke and is struggling to even be able to walk. Her other brother lost his son about a year ago and his wife is having mental problems so taking care of his Dad isn't possible now. So my husbands niece wants my husband and his remaining sister to kick in and help. She wants us to care for him 3 days a week and my husbands sister should take care of him 3 days a week and she would do just one day a week. Now we are all much older then she is. We all live a distance away from my BIL while she lives a few blocks away from him. She doesn't have children and she doesn't work and when she got a divorce her husband gave her enough money to live on for the rest of her life. She refuses to put him in a nursing home which he would like to do. She has total control over what happens to him and all his money and property is in trust to her and nothing for her brothers. I will never understand how children who were raised by wonderful parents can turn out so rotten.*



I can guarantee you that she doesn't want to put him in a care home because it would use up any money that he has.  So, instead of using his money (which otherwise would end up coming to her), she would like you guys to take care of him for free.  Sounds like a good benefit _for her,_ not-so-good for you guys.

The answer is "no", repeated frequently.  If you're feeling generous, perhaps offer to take turns staying with him one weekend a month.  If that's not good enough for her, then she knows what her alternatives are.


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## StarSong (Sep 7, 2019)

Sassycakes said:


> *I got a call today from my Husbands older Brothers daughter. She was ranting and raving about how she has been stuck taking care of her Dad. She has 2 older brother's who were taking turns caring for her Dad until a few weeks ago. One brother's wife had a stroke and is struggling to even be able to walk. Her other brother lost his son about a year ago and his wife is having mental problems so taking care of his Dad isn't possible now. So my husbands niece wants my husband and his remaining sister to kick in and help. She wants us to care for him 3 days a week and my husbands sister should take care of him 3 days a week and she would do just one day a week. Now we are all much older then she is. We all live a distance away from my BIL while she lives a few blocks away from him. She doesn't have children and she doesn't work and when she got a divorce her husband gave her enough money to live on for the rest of her life. She refuses to put him in a nursing home which he would like to do. She has total control over what happens to him and all his money and property is in trust to her and nothing for her brothers. I will never understand how children who were raised by wonderful parents can turn out so rotten.*



What a sad situation. Does your brother-in-law suffer from physical problems or reduced cognitive abilities, preventing him from making these decisions for himself?


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## fuzzybuddy (Sep 7, 2019)

Daughters always wind up caring for their parents, while sons do not. For the "kids", taking care of parents is exhausting, and traumatic. And there are all sorts of issues, like guilt, promises made, etc. Plus, there are financial factors. If the expenses of caring for a parent exceeds the monthly income, there will come a day when that care will end. And Medicare may not provide an answer. What do you when the money runs out? In this case, the daughter holds all the cards. Farming out who cares for dad what day is not the answer. And it's clear the brothers aren't in a position to offer much help. This is an extremely emotional issue. Children make promises never to put parents in a "home", but later they are unable to deliver quality care. The real problem is that no one really planned for the parent's retirement & care. They don't have a workable "Plan B". We are all guilty of that.


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## Sassycakes (Sep 7, 2019)

StarSong said:


> What a sad situation. Does your brother-in-law suffer from physical problems or reduced cognitive abilities, preventing him from making these decisions for himself?



*Yes he does have problems with both physical and mental problems. I worry about him a lot because he has a habit if left alone he wonders around outside all alone. I know he would enjoy being around others so a nursing home would be good for him. My Husband and his sister are both in their 70's and both have health issues so they really wouldn't be able to care for him. I hope she stops being concerned about money and becomes more concerned about what is better for her Dad.*


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## Aunt Bea (Sep 7, 2019)

The thing that makes me sad in these situations is that the family loses sight of the person that needs looking after and ends up making their lives miserable.

If I was dear old Dad I would make a run for it while everyone was busy bickering!


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## StarSong (Sep 7, 2019)

Sassycakes said:


> *Yes he does have problems with both physical and mental problems. I worry about him a lot because he has a habit if left alone he wonders around outside all alone. I know he would enjoy being around others so a nursing home would be good for him. My Husband and his sister are both in their 70's and both have health issues so they really wouldn't be able to care for him. I hope she stops being concerned about money and becomes more concerned about what is better for her Dad.*


Sounds like his daughter is going to either have to dedicate her life to caring for him or pay someone to do it -whether in his home or an assisted living/skilled nursing facility.  

I agree with Jujube. Just say no and continue to do so.


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## WhatInThe (Sep 18, 2019)

Funny that last several posts have brought up the issue of who will take of an aging parent. The person in the op did the least amount of work for the parent and the house and yet wants the most like they were entitled. I've heard that story before-it's not uncommon that the children/child that doesn't live with, close to or do stuff for the parents want/expect the most and have others do most of the work before and after.

Most people and parents don't want to go into a home period. Many don't have to that do. Many 'volunteer' to go into one because they're probably scared of who will take care of them which usually means their is/are irregular visits/contact with their children to begin with. In the US in particular it's seems many seniors and their adult children's have fallen to a script after decades of grooming that one will eventually wind up in a 'home' no questions asked-it's time. But not necessary.

Just a note that the 'child' in the op that couldn't wait to get their money has slowed the process of cleaning up the estate, selling the home etc because they're trying to find ways to squeeze more because their plan to leverage or position others to buy him out did not work. He's actually bitter that he's not getting a windfall. Not sad the parent passed or tired of the process but bitter, resentful etc that they're not going to get the what they wanted. And again no one else in the family has that sense of entitlement.


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## Judycat (Sep 18, 2019)

I don't know why he's called an adult child. He's a man with a rotten attitude and should be treated accordingly. He stopped being anyone's child a long time ago.


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## AnnieA (Sep 18, 2019)

I do genealogy for a hobby and a little for pay.   Have seen more than one old will where the parent listed a child but left them nothing stating that they had already received their portion.   Sounds like that should've been the case with this family, but they were enablers on a grand scale.


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## WhatInThe (Sep 21, 2019)

AnnieA said:


> I do genealogy for a hobby and a little for pay.   Have seen more than one old will where the parent listed a child but left them nothing stating that they had already received their portion.   Sounds like that should've been the case with this family, but they were enablers on a grand scale.



Longish rant alert.

The biggest enabler was the parent who in their final years realized he had a serious problem which he wouldn't age out of but simply didn't know what to do. Wouldn't even set the littlest of boundaries. They were warned &  educated to no avail. Other family enabled by tolerating his excessive drinking in their presence with no boundaries. He also played politics to the extreme when dealing with family kissing butt and acting all prim and proper which fooled enough of them.

Also the workplace enabled him because being the butt kisser he hung out with management when ever possible. I've seen it as well in companies I've worked for . When and management and the employees go out to drink together it validates drinking/excessive drinking. He got in so good with some management that they actually bailed him out at least once buying him/getting him started on a smart phone when friends and family refused(he was given pay as you go flip and smart phones so he could refill the minutes and cried he uses them up too fast). But this is part of the issue he's been able to elude the consequences of excessive drinking by scams, lies etc. As a matter of fact one of the reasons he wanted people to buy him out was didn't want to change his mailing address. That tells me he's lying on paperwork somewhere which is fraud.

The lack of a will was the biggest issue and again the senior was asked, educated to get one. Their attitude was I already told everyone what they are getting ie the house and misc stuff to be sold and/or divided. Not good enough for the greedy one.


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## Sassycakes (Oct 3, 2019)

*After my Dad passed away my Mom moved in with me. My sister would take her for the weekend. Then my sister's husband passed away so I didn't send my mom there for the weekend, because my sister was going through a lot. My brother lived in another State and seldom even called my Mom. When my Mom passed away anything she had left I divided it with both my brother and sister. I don't regret for one minute taking care of my Mother.*


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## Keesha (Oct 3, 2019)

Sassycakes said:


> He had 3 children and what did he leave them ? He only left one of his children everything and nothing for his 2 sons. I will never understand him.


Some parents do that to their children as their last way of punishment. Just in case you didn’t realize how unvalued you were. It’s a reminder.


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## StarSong (Oct 3, 2019)

Keesha said:


> Some parents do that to their children as their last way of punishment. Just in case you didn’t realize how unvalued you were. It’s a reminder.


The people who are supposed to love us the most are often the most vicious toward us.


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## Gary O' (Oct 3, 2019)

*Adult Child Complaining Parent Didn't Leave Enough Inheritance*

It has recently become apparent, mine didn't either


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## StarSong (Oct 4, 2019)

Gary O' said:


> *Adult Child Complaining Parent Didn't Leave Enough Inheritance*
> 
> It has recently become apparent, mine didn't either


Did those scallywags spend down your inheritance @Gary O'?  The nerve of some people!!!


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## Judycat (Oct 4, 2019)

I used to visit my parents three times a week. If they needed something I would get it for them, if they had a problem I solved it for them. However, after many years when they got sick, my brother and his family had no problem coming in and caring for them. I didn't want any inheritance, I didn't want the house. I'm thankful my brother who worked in geriatrics was willing to care for them in their last days. He got what was left, house, bank accounts, insurance, which wasn't a lot. I have my memories of them and that is enough. I don't know why people fight over something so easily spent as money. Your relationships should be more important. Oh well.


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## Pecos (Oct 4, 2019)

Keesha said:


> Some parents do that to their children as their last way of punishment. Just in case you didn’t realize how unvalued you were. It’s a reminder.


My mother did that to me and my two younger half brothers when she died at the age of  65. It is not that she had that much ($100K) which she, in theory, left for her disabled husband. But she appointed our crooked younger sister as executor. My sister promptly got her hands on the money and left her disabled step father on the doorstep of the local VA and took off for the other coast. My half brothers and I were disowned by the same will giving us no voice in the matter. I considered it a slap in the face for no good reason. I had to fly back to Korea after the funeral and my brothers had to get back to work in the SF area. There was no sharing of mementos or photos and it took over a year for my brother to track down where our step father had been dropped. 
What is irritating is that over the years my mother benefitted significantly from me and my middle brother, and had already gotten us to agree to help her financially in her old age. She knew that our word was our bond, and shortly after that pulled out a significant sum from her retirement funds and took off to Europe for an extended vacation taking the sister with her. Our sister was already over $50K in debt to my mother.
In later years, my sister tried to run cons on both of my brothers, but they had her figured out by that time. More recently, she had tried to get our children to set up some kind of reconciliation. Are you kidding me, it was a gleeful day for her when she got to tell the three of us that we had been disowned. My middle brother and I have both had to tell our children that their aunt is an expert at manipulating people and  if she cons them out of money we will not make it up for them.


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## WhatInThe (Oct 8, 2019)

The no inheritance as punishment reminds of those millionaires with children that marry someone less than half their age and pass a few later leaving their entire fortune to their young wife. I doubt they were just enamored by their beauty but realized their adult children were simply waiting for them to pass-last laugh.

Should ad to the original post. That same 'adult' child is complaining immediate family is legally taking items before they had a chance to be sold. Were talking items that might repeat MIGHT get $30-50 in a luxury yard sale. Doesn't want stuff donated prior. And is also complaining that the home should've been sold immediately after the parents passing because carrying costs(most paid by others) cut into his take. It wasn't until an estate account was set up and used after monies were legally accessed a few months later that complained about the lack of an expeditious sale. He made it seem like he wanted a quick sale early on so others might feel pressured to buy himout which didn't happen-once that didn't happen he kept quiet until after estate money was used to pay carrying costs.


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## WhatInThe (Oct 22, 2019)

The complainer brought up the subject of his inheritance again, approximately a year after the parents passing and is as bitter/angry as ever. He is absolutely disappointed & mad, no make that furious he's not getting more. This shows how much time he is obsessing on the issue.
  Apparently he found out how much others got not only in inheritance but how  the kids got access to money long before their parents passing. But that's not his family/parents. The tone of his voice and constant talking about tells me he was anticipating/making plans for more. To top it off the parent enabled the crap out of him by not collecting on at least one 5 figure loan among other things. One could say he already got a chunk of his inheritance. But that sense of entitlement.


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