# Paddy & mick stories



## Jillaroo (Jul 15, 2013)

Paddy and Mick
Bloke at a horse race whispers to Paddy next to him, "Do you want the winner of the next race?"
Paddy replies "No tanks, I ' ve only got a small garden."

Paddy and Mick found 3 hand grenades and decided to take them to the police station.
Mick, "What if one explodes before we get there?"
Paddy, “We ' ll lie and say we only found two!”

A coach load of Paddies on a mystery tour decided to run a sweepstake to guess where they were going. The driver won £52!

Paddy ' s racing snail is not winning races anymore. So he decided to take its shell off to reduce its weight and make him more aerodynamic. It didn’t ' t work; if anything it made him more sluggish.

Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires sticking out of it. He phones the police and says, "Bejesas, I ' ve just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb.
The operator asks, "Is it tickin? Paddy says, "No I tink it ' s turkey."

More Irish…

Joe says to Paddy, "Close your curtains the next time you ' re making love to your wife. The whole street was watching yesterday, and laughing at you.”
Paddy says, "Well the joke ' s on them, stupid, because I wasn't even at home yesterday."
Mick walks into Paddy ' s barn and catches him dancing naked in front of a tractor. Mick says, "Oh, no, Paddy, what ya doing?" Paddy says, "Well me and Mary haven ' t been getting on in the bedroom lately and the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor."

Paddy says to Mick, “I ' m ready for a holiday, only this year I ' m going to do it a bit different. 3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. 2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant. Mick asks, “So what are you going to do this year?” Paddy replies, “I ' ll take her with me!”

Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year.” Mick says, "Let ' s hope it ' s not the 13th."

Paddy ' s in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him. "Did you find the shampoo?" Paddy says, "Yes, but it ' s for dry hair and I ' ve just wet mine."


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## JustBonee (Jul 15, 2013)

You're a riot Jillaroo!   :applouse:


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