# Anybody else live in a multi-generational household?



## GeorgiaXplant (May 2, 2018)

My place is separate from my kids'/g'kids' house, but still all under the same roof. I have my own entry, but there's a connecting door to their side of the house.

Sometimes it's fine, sometimes not. I like not being right there when they're having spats about whatever is the drama du jour (especially the teen drama!), but there have been occasions when I feel as isolated as if I were living alone in a whole other city.

My daughter works from home. Her office is upstairs on the other end of the house so if we need to communicate it's usually either via email or text.

Their meals are usually something from a drive-thru or eaten out unless it's a holiday or something in particular that they want and ask me to cook. There's a full (small) kitchen in my place, but I don't use it much except at holidays. When they ask me to cook, I go over there to do it unless it's something I can make ahead and pop in the fridge. My meals are usually cereal and fruit in the morning (yes, they get food from the drive-thru or eat out for breakfast, too!), a salad at lunchtime, and a sandwich or soup for supper.

Their house is on a corner lot of a cul-de-sac so has a big front yard and even bigger side yard. They have a guy who mows and edges for them. Most of the back yard is taken up by a massive flower garden, my pride and joy, but the lawn is very small, so the mower guy edges it, but I prefer to mow it myself. 

In spite of having family right "next door," it's a lonely life, but mostly just a function of old age and widowhood, not because of anything they do or don't do.

If you live under the same roof, either in your own place or in the same space as family, how do you make it work? Do you feel like part of the family or like a tenant who happens to be related?


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## Lethe200 (May 5, 2018)

I love my family, but I don't want to live with them. We have little in common and our daily routines and interests are radically different. 

I watched my mother and my MIL get progressively lonelier as old friends died off or moved away. They never made any new friends on their own, once they hit 50 or so.

When we moved my MIL to a senior living facility, she became so much more cheerful. She was really a very social person, and she loved saying "Hello, how are you today?" to staff and residents. Even if it was only a two minute discussion on the weather, or chatting about the next bingo game or bocce ball class, she needed that social interaction. 

It perked her up and slowed down her dementia decline noticeably. Her doctor was able to take her off anti-depressants. 

My sister and her ex-husband both live within walking distance of their son and his family (wife, three young kids under 8). That works out perfectly for everyone! 

My spouse grew up in a multi-generational household in Hong Kong, but they had servants so taking care of very elderly relatives was not a problem for the working generation. Also, they lived in a condo, in a hi-rise where his aunts/uncles also owned units, so it was easy for everyone to assemble together for birthdays, anniversaries, etc.

I hope you can find a solution. Your situation sounds a bit lonely.


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## Robusta (May 5, 2018)

We do not share a house, I guess the media would call it a compound.   We live on a farm with five dwellings.  My brother owns and operates the farm and has a house. His son ,my nephew also has a home.  My father has a trailer house.  I have a house and my youngest daughter also has one.  We are all within yelling distance of one another.


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## twinkles (May 6, 2018)

i moved in with my kids 6 years ago(big mistake) i  have no closets  i sleep on the couch in the living room all my craft things are all arround my recliner in the living room--- i will trade places with you  georgiaxplant


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## ClassicRockr (May 6, 2018)

Wife and I, unless absolutely necessary, and that would have to be ABSOLUTELY a necessity, would never/ever live with family. Our interests and hobbies are very, very different than theirs. Most likely, they wouldn't even allow the firearms we own to be in their home. We eat differently as well. And, on top of that, to hear the arguing done by family for whatever reason, no thanks.


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## GeorgiaXplant (May 6, 2018)

twinkles said:


> i moved in with my kids 6 years ago(big mistake) i  have no closets  i sleep on the couch in the living room all my craft things are all arround my recliner in the living room--- i will trade places with you  georgiaxplant



If I didn't have separate quarters and couldn't close my place off from the rest of them, I couldn't take it. JMHO, there's no way on God's green earth that two women who've each had their own households can peacefully co-exist. Not to mention that I have very little "stuff," but it's my stuff and having it around me makes me feel like I sort of have a life of my own.


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## twinkles (May 6, 2018)

its not easy believe me--i have looked for a place but just cant afford the rent--i can get something i can afford in the bad part of town  but my life would be in danger--when i lived in n.h  years ago they took care of their senior citizens---- 
but georgia  doesnt do  that


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## KathyW1960 (Jun 2, 2018)

I lived alone for a couple of years while I worked in Houston. Eventually, my daughter, her fiance, a my daughter's two girls moved in with me. For about a year, we lived in a two bedroom apartment with the girls and myself sharing a bedroom on one side and my daughter and her fiance in the bedroom on the other side of the apartment. Things were tight but I worked all day and was away from the apartment all day. We moved into a larger 3 bedroom apartment and I had my own room. The girls shared a room and my daughter and her the husband had the master. I became disabled and they worked so I did most of the cooking and drove the children to school and helped with doctor's appointments and so on. It worked out pretty well for a while but we ended p getting on each others nerves. I could not get away from the family dynamics that was theirs and I heard all the disagreements and must say I did not always agree with the parenting style they used. So, when I started getting disability SS I moved. Things are somewhat guarded and awkward now but it is slowly getting better. I know I like having my own place with the peace and quiet that I have now.


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## DaveA (Jun 3, 2018)

Depends on your family.  For us, we wouldn't have it any other way.  We share the home with our youngest daughter, husband, and 2 kids.  Been that way for 30 years.  About 20 years back, when their first child was due, we transferred ownership of the home to them and retained a life lease for ourselves.  For many of the past years we have been away from the house for about 7 months of the year, between winters in Florida and other months in Maine.  As we gave them the house, they had no mortgage but absorbed all of the costa of home ownership.  When home, over my retired years, I've driven the kids to school (still do with my grand-daughter) although out grandson drives himself as he's a college student.

As we are in our 80's now, it's very comforting to have others near at hand when emergencies come to call.  When and if the kids argue, we're not aware of it and we keep our own differences private as well.  They live upstairs and we live down (where we've always lived) and we all share the kitchen.  Each (or every other) week, our grandson has 5, 6, or  7 of his college friends over for some sort of computer game session.  Our home is an alcohol and smoke free zone and this applies to we adults and the gatherings as well.
We're gram and gramps to this crowd and have gotten to know them quite well, girls as well as guys.  They use the dining room and it's table to set up their computers, close the doors and seemingly have a good time.  We sit in the living room put on headphones , mute the TV, and watch our usual movies or for me, the baseball game.  A different dynamic than most but one that we enjoy.

I fully realize that this isn't suitable for many, probably the majority of people, but for us it works fine.  As an aside, when I was a child back in the 30,s) my folks and I lived upstairs in this same home, and my grand-parents lived downstairs.  In my case, life repeats itself.


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## Greta (Jun 6, 2018)

Hi, Georgia,

Quite interested reading your letter.  Thanks much for sharing your info.  I too live with relatives.  My husband passed on 4 years ago and a year ago I moved in with my son and his family.  They're all terrific and very good to me so no complaints.  Yet in spite of their companionship and the occasional great conversations around the dinner table about science, physics, etc.,  there's still the loneliness for my mate that remains no matter what.  So I endeavor to keep well occupied at painting, etc.  And there definitely are generational differences that show up in different life style preferences...certainly for them too since I've been here.  So I mostly keep to myself and the work I do.  Occasionally get together with friends in my age range too...for lunch or dinner and good conversation.  Am finding widowhood to be a challenging adjustment.  But adjustment's mandatory so I keep trying.  :^)  Would much enjoy learning more about you, Georgia.  Sending you my best wishes......Heather (San Francisco bay area).


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## Greta (Jun 6, 2018)

Georgia, my apologies for any confusion...I signed my real name (Heather) instead of the fictional website name (Greta).  Either one is OK to use if reply. :^)


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## Jane (Jun 12, 2018)

Can you get a travel trailer to live in? That would give you much needed privacy,just have it parked in their driveway


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