# People adverse to talking about money



## debodun (Jul 11, 2015)

Why are people so reticent to talk about personal finances, even among friends? If someone wants bragging rights about how much money they have or more than everyone else in the conversation - I say "More power to them."


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## Shirley (Jul 11, 2015)

Count me out. I'm broke.


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## Ameriscot (Jul 11, 2015)

We talk about our personal finances with our best friends and sometimes with my sister.  Nobody else.


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## SifuPhil (Jul 11, 2015)

"If you ain't got it, don't brag about it". 

Besides, isn't money just another way of keeping score? A rather hollow one?


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## Cookie (Jul 11, 2015)

Personal finances are just that - personal and private.  I consider anyone who brags about how much money or even how many fancy possessions they have as very ignorant and rude.  I would only discuss money with immediate family or a financial advisor, and good friends only in the most general way.


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## imp (Jul 11, 2015)

Never could get all the words, but the point was obvious: money has an evil side!  Pink Floyd, 1973, rank Billboard Top 40:  13      imp


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## ronaldj (Jul 11, 2015)

what do you want to talk about ....I don't have much but I don't require much.


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## imp (Jul 11, 2015)

Another money-monger! Barrett Strong, 1960. Rank: 23    imp


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## Lethe200 (Jul 22, 2015)

Well, there's a difference between bragging rights and information sharing. If a friend wants to discuss what kind of portfolio allocation is appropriate for their age and assets, that's a different 'personal finance' question than "how much money did you make last year?"

I'm always nagging people to get their legal docs done which is an important part of financial planning, IMHO. 

I've never been averse to discussing money because to me money is not a big deal. I know many people who have less, OTOH I personally know many people who have a lot more. I've never identified it as part of my self-image, so I never understood why anyone would care what my salary was (I never made a secret about what I earned), or what I have now. I feel I'm lucky to be where I am. It's nothing to boast about, or even worth boasting of. 50% of it was hard work and planning, but at least 50% of it was luck.

Mind you, luck can be good OR bad. Fortunately for us, the good luck outweighed than the bad!

I'd rather be open about money. My sister is very competitive about spending, which is absurd in my eyes. She's a divorced single mother without a pension. I'm in a long-term, very happy marriage, we were DINKIES (remember that one? Double Income No Kids), my spouse has a generous state pension with amazing benefits. We can spend every cent we receive, and we receive a goodly # of them; she has to watch her expenditures and budget carefully. She and I inherited nothing from our parents; my spouse and I just inherited his mother's entire estate. 

But to her, if I spend $200 on her, she MUST spend $200 on us...despite the fact we have twice the amount of annual income and four times the total assets. Despite discussing this with her, she refuses to change. So we carefully keep "The Balance" even between us, in a mental checkbook.

I find this fatiguing, actually. To the point where I'd rather not even offer to get together. We have a pair of younger friends who have spent the last four years pulling themselves out a huge financial hole - and I mean really, really big. They sweated and budgeted and chipped away at it, and are finally getting themselves to a positive point in their lives. 

We enjoy spending time with them and often pick up the tab when we go out. Why? Because we have discussed money and personal finances with them. We're very proud of the hard work they did, and even in retirement we have substantially more money to spend than they do. They have their pride; they pick up the smaller expenses, but when it's a big expense, we usually insist that we pick up the tab. We told them to keep saving as much $$$ as possible, because those years of indebtedness made them fall behind where they should be in retirement savings.

Being able to discuss money frankly with our friends was easier than discussing it with my sister. Her pride refuses to let her give in despite all logic. When I was younger, I had older friends/family treat me to many nice restaurants or special events. I can't repay those people for their kindness and generosity. I think it's only fair, now that we're in a good position, to be equally generous to others. But it only works for those who don't equate money with self-worth, I guess.


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## Charlie (Sep 3, 2015)

Reminds me of the attached.


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## Lethe200 (Sep 4, 2015)

Charlie said:


> Reminds me of the attached.


Yes, exactly! Thank you, that describes the situation accurately. Started my morning with a smile, for sure.


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## applecruncher (Sep 4, 2015)

debodun said:


> Why are people so reticent to talk about personal finances, even among friends? If someone wants bragging rights about how much money they have or more than everyone else in the conversation - I say "More power to them."





OP, is there someone specific who you feel should share their financial information with you, and why do you want to know? I’m not understanding why you’re bothered that they don’t want to share their financial details.

There are very few instances where someone would need to know income, expenses/bills, bank account balances, investments, etc. Otherwise it’s just curiosity or nosiness….to be repeated and gossiped about.


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## Manatee (Sep 8, 2015)

They are afraid they will sound like Darnold Trump.




An impoverished snake hasn't got a pit to hiss in.


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## Ken N Tx (Sep 9, 2015)

debodun said:


> Why are people so reticent to talk about personal finances, even among friends? If someone wants bragging rights about how much money they have or more than everyone else in the conversation - I say "More power to them."



I confide with my oldest son so he knows what his mother will have if I should pass on first..


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## Shalimar (Sep 9, 2015)

Sometimes financial reticence has cultural ramifications. In Canada discussing one's considerable assets is often considered a form of self-aggrandisement, earning the label "nouveau riche." on the other hand, admitting poverty does not carry the same stigma often prevalent elsewhere.


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## Bobw235 (Sep 9, 2015)

I don't share that info with my friends, but I have told my parents that my wife and I have done a good enough job saving and investing that we're able to retire a bit early.  We've been saving since we got married nearly 40 years ago.  I tell them that we're comfortable and feel confident that we have the resources to do this.  With respect to our son, we've only told him that God willing, there should be an inheritance down the road for him and our grandchildren and that he'll need help managing the money.  My wife and I don't live lavishly by any stretch and we've also told our son that we need to watch our finances for the next few years until social security kicks in.


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## Falcon (Sep 9, 2015)

I only discuss money with the dealer.


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## Manatee (Sep 9, 2015)

Success means not becoming a financial burden to your kids in your old age.


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## OneEyedDiva (Nov 22, 2020)

I believe people our age range were taught that it is rude to talk about their finances. My BFF and I have been best friends for 44 years. We only scratch the surface when it comes to discussing finances. I had another good friend, former classmate and co-worker who used to ask me financial questions and for advice. We were very comfortable discussing money. Unfortunately he passed away in January.

I was invited to join this forum by someone who is no longer a member. I remember being surprised and happy to find the multitude of financial discussions. Reading retirement and planning articles are somewhat a hobby and finding out what others do to manage, their tips, etc. is interesting to me. It's been my experience that on other forums, people shied away from it usually because they were ashamed of their financial situations. And Facebook is a place I would never discuss my financial situation.  Once on Senior Forum, I didn't even pay attention to other categories below the Retirement Living section for several months.


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## Pepper (Nov 22, 2020)

Manatee said:


> Success means not becoming a financial burden to your kids in your old age.


My mother had thousands of sayings.  One was "A mother can take care of 10 children, but 10 children can't take care of one mother."


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## tbeltrans (Nov 22, 2020)

What I find rather odd is that people seem uncomfortable talking about money, but seem quite open about their ****** preferences and practices.  To me, that is backward.

If people could talk about money, we could learn from each other and maybe those who think they need to keep up with the Joneses (had anybody actually met these "Joneses"?), might learn that there are people who treat their money more carefully.  I learned a lot from the first group of people who bought into our condo association about managing money and saving for retirement.  In hindsight now that I am successfully retired, I consider that a distinct advantage many in my generation apparently either didn't have or didn't avail themselves of.

I couldn't care less what somebody else's sex life and tastes are, and certainly don't want to see parades dedicated to telling the world all about it.

Anyway, talking about money, there is always a song involved...







Edit: I should add in the interests of clarity, that there is a very large difference between bragging about money and having a rational, intelligent discussion in which real and practical information is exchanged.

Tony


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## Aunt Marg (Nov 22, 2020)

Myself, I've never been impressed by those who openly brag of their wealth or possessions. It's shallow IMO.

The ones that earn my admiration are those who are quiet, unassuming, and humble, yet have a bankroll larger than life.

My dad used to say, "_those who complain and cry over spending a dollar are the ones who have lots of money, but the ones who are always bragging as to how much they have, have nothing_".


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## ClassicRockr (Nov 22, 2020)

Wife and I know a widower that downplays the income (nice Pension and SS) he gets, which is very, very good. He got a big inheritance, years ago, from his parents death. Him and his wife took their boys on numerous cruises and totally paid for each of their college educations. Since his retirement, from a major automotive building company, as an Engineer, he has been a "snowbird". Him and his wife own their house, a cottage at a cabin and a house in Florida. He has numerous boats. Yes, whether he wanted to say it or not to us, him and his decease wife had/has plenty of money and live very, very comfortable.


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## Autumn (Nov 22, 2020)

SifuPhil said:


> "If you ain't got it, don't brag about it".
> 
> Besides, isn't money just another way of keeping score? A rather hollow one?


Truer words were never spoken.  I hate all the posturing that goes along with trying to be Number One.


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## ClassicRockr (Nov 22, 2020)

As for us, due to where we lived, and the house we had, I had co-workers that thought wife and I were rich. I found out, by talking to some, they thought that because of the areas they lived in. We didn't hear a police helicopter overhead or police sirens every-other night like they did. To them, wife and I lived in a "rich and snooty" area. Where my supervisor/director lived, they thought the same of. 

We have a boat. That, in itself, classified us as being rich to my co-workers. That is, even though the boat was a 1989! We both worked full-time, descent paying jobs and could afford to fly to Las Vegas each December for the National Finals Rodeo. Wife's family who lived in So California would drive there and meet us. 

IOW, we weren't/aren't rich, but when people see, or hear, about things a person or couple has, the word "money" definitely comes to their minds.


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## OneEyedDiva (Nov 22, 2020)

tbeltrans said:


> What I find rather odd is that people seem uncomfortable talking about money, but seem quite open about their ****** preferences and practices.  To me, that is backward.
> 
> If people could talk about money, we could learn from each other and maybe those who think they need to keep up with the Joneses (had anybody actually met these "Joneses"?), might learn that there are people who treat their money more carefully.  I learned a lot from the first group of people who bought into our condo association about managing money and saving for retirement.  In hindsight now that I am successfully retired, I consider that a distinct advantage many in my generation apparently either didn't have or didn't avail themselves of.
> 
> ...


I agree with your opinions about discussing money matters Tony. There is a big difference between bragging about what you have and benefiting from each other's experiences whether it be investing or wise spending habits.


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## ClassicRockr (Nov 22, 2020)

One last thing here........no matter what people can think of lots of money, or very little, money sure can make life much, much better. Just ask a Senior that can hardly afford their heart meds or other kinds of important meds. Ask those Seniors who would love to live in an Assisted Living area, but can't afford it. As we grow older, and our health may decline, money sure can help.


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## ClassicRockr (Nov 22, 2020)

OneEyedDiva said:


> I agree with your opinions about discussing money matters Tony. There is a big difference between bragging about what you have and benefiting from each other's experiences whether it be investing or wise spending habits.



Like I've already stated, "bragging doesn't have to be done if folks can see what a person has or knows what they've done." IOW, nice house, nice vehicle, perhaps a nice motorhome, being able to travel whenever and the things go on and on.


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## Chet (Nov 22, 2020)

There is a person on another forum who likes to flaunt what he has accumulated in wealth. "Look at Me....look what I have!" It won't do him any good in the end where we all eventually end up.


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## OneEyedDiva (Nov 22, 2020)

ClassicRockr said:


> Like I've already stated, "bragging doesn't have to be done if folks can see what a person has or knows what they've done." IOW, nice house, nice vehicle, perhaps a nice motorhome, being able to travel whenever and the things go on and on.


There are people who don't have fancy homes, cars, motor homes, etc. and are living quite modestly but are very well off. So that stuff is not necessarily an indicator of how much money one has. Some people who have all that stuff are in debt up to their ears. I think some people brag to cover up their insecurities.


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## Aunt Marg (Nov 22, 2020)

Chet said:


> There is a person on another forum who likes to flaunt what he has accumulated in wealth. "Look at Me....look what I have!" It won't do him any good in the end where we all eventually end up.


Our last pair of pants have no pockets.


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## Aunt Marg (Nov 22, 2020)

OneEyedDiva said:


> There are people who don't have fancy homes, cars, motor homes, etc. and are living quite modestly but are very well off. So that stuff is not necessarily an indicator of how much money one has. Some people who have all that stuff are in debt up to their ears. I think some people brag to cover up their insecurities.


I couldn't agree more with you, OneEyed.


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## ClassicRockr (Nov 22, 2020)

Chet said:


> There is a person on another forum who likes to flaunt what he has accumulated in wealth. "Look at Me....look what I have!" It won't do him any good in the end where we all eventually end up.



This is why many younger Seniors like to spend money with having fun. Especially those that don't have kids to leave anything to. One of the spouses, do want to make sure their is some money left for the living spouse, but other than that, just the "final expenses" are thought about. 

IOW, "can't take it with you" is the old saying.


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## Wren (Nov 22, 2020)

Aunt Marg said:


> ‘Myself, I've never been impressed by those who openly brag of their wealth or possessions. It's shallow IMO.
> 
> The ones that earn my admiration are those who are quiet, unassuming, and humble, yet have a bankroll larger than life.’


I can’t stand people that brag, or ask how much things cost, and never discuss my own or other people’s finances, (or ****** preferences and practices for that matter) !  it’s private business as far as I’m concerned

I’m not interested in what they own either, all I care about, Prince or pauper, is what is in their heart


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## Aunt Marg (Nov 22, 2020)

Wren said:


> I never discuss my own or other people’s finances, (or ****** preferences and practices for that matter) !  it’s private business as far as I’m concerned
> 
> I’m not interested in what they own either, all I care about, Prince or pauper, is what is in their heart


You're my kind of people, Wren.


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## ClassicRockr (Nov 22, 2020)

OneEyedDiva said:


> There are people who don't have fancy homes, cars, motor homes, etc. and are living quite modestly but are very well off. So that stuff is not necessarily an indicator of how much money one has. Some people who have all that stuff are in debt up to their ears. I think some people brag to cover up their insecurities.


There is a difference between the words "fancy" and "nice"......just to let you know. And, there are those that don't mind being in debt. They aren't "insecure", they simply like to have fun and "fun" costs money. I have an old high school classmate, who, her and her husband sold their nice house in Florida and bought a very nice motorhome. No payments at all. They would travel everywhere in the motorhome.

Being in debt can definitely be related to the word "fun". Being in debt also comes with boat, house and vehicle repairs.


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## Remy (Nov 22, 2020)

It's so varied I guess. I have found in the work place, not to say a word. I don't talk to any acquittance or co-worker about my finances. Some people may be comfortable financially but no realize other's don't have the security they may have from a pension for example. I have a family member who has a government pension. They don't understand that working in the private sector doesn't have the security they had. They also haven't worked in well over 30 years. I applied for some jobs that may have given me a pension. I never got them. So I work for a private corporation.


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## Aunt Bea (Nov 22, 2020)

IMO it's a form of insecurity unless it's part of a conversation where the discussion has some value to everyone involved.


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## RadishRose (Nov 22, 2020)

I was taught that bragging is rude/poor etiquette.

It amazes me how braggarts don't realize how often they are laughed at or pitied.


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## RadishRose (Nov 22, 2020)

Aunt Bea said:


> IMO it's a form of insecurity


Yes!


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## Wren (Nov 23, 2020)

RadishRose said:


> I was taught that bragging is rude/poor etiquette.
> 
> It amazes me how braggarts don't realize how often they are laughed at or pitied.


Not to mention vulgar, as my mum would say.....(she was more like the queen than the queen) !!


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## Knight (Nov 23, 2020)

debodun said:


> Why are people so reticent to talk about personal finances, even among friends?


Talking about personal wealth as a thread is different than  discussions about investing or threads like are you frugal. Just not something that people normally do.


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## Judycat (Nov 23, 2020)

I don't know, but if you want to put me to sleep, start talking about personal finance.


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## Lewkat (Nov 23, 2020)

We were raised to believe that discussions of money outside of you personal banker was simply not done in polite society.


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## Ceege (Nov 23, 2020)

I was taught that there are 2 things you never speak of.  Your sex life and your finances.  Because the more you speak of them, the less those who hear you think you have of them.


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