# Can't figure this guy out



## KingsX (Apr 27, 2018)

.

I have been blissfully single for decades and have no interest in dating.

About a year ago I met a man via a professional association.  

He is quite a bit younger... but for some unknown reason expressed interest in dating me.

Initially I told him  I didn't date.  But periodically he would call me to try again and again.

I met him again recently via that professional association and he asked me out again. So I told him maybe we could meet sometime over coffee or a dutch lunch.  He said maybe we could hang out at my place or meet in a park... which I thought was very odd.  

Over a month goes by and he calls out of the blue wanting to come over to my house.  I declined.

Anyone have any insights into this strange behavior ??

.


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## Shalimar (Apr 27, 2018)

It is peculiar. Apparently, he doesn’t want to be seen with you in a place where he may be recognised? Also, wanting access to your home right away sends warning signals to me, at least. I would steer clear. I would be concerned about being assaulted.


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## SeaBreeze (Apr 27, 2018)

I'd be wary of him, and not meet him anywhere where the both of you are alone, definitely not your or his place.  If he declined coffee or a dutch lunch at a public establishment, he must have unfavorable intentions.  It it were me, I'd stop all communications with him and tell him to stop calling me.


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## RadishRose (Apr 27, 2018)

Agree!


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## hollydolly (Apr 27, 2018)

Wide Berth is all I'd give him if I were you


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## terry123 (Apr 27, 2018)

SeaBreeze said:


> I'd be wary of him, and not meet him anywhere where the both of you are alone, definitely not your or his place.  If he declined coffee or a dutch lunch at a public establishment, he must have unfavorable intentions.  It it were me, I'd stop all communications with him and tell him to stop calling me.


I agree. Better to be safe than sorry!


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## JaniceM (Apr 27, 2018)

KingsX said:


> .
> 
> I have been blissfully single for decades and have no interest in dating.
> 
> ...



As an expert in the field stated in one of her newsletters:  Psychopaths don't take 'no' for an answer, they take it as a challenge. 
And as someone who has experienced a stalker, I agree with that viewpoint.  

The guy may or may not be an actual psychopath, but the facts that he's not respecting your 'not interested,' and inserting himself into your life, could be a huge red flag of a dangerous situation.


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## applecruncher (Apr 27, 2018)

Declining coffee/dutch lunch and wanting to meet _at your place_ or _in the park _suggests he wants a situation leading to something ******. He most likely has a woman in his life and/or for some reason he doesn't want to be seen with you.

Sounds shady imo.  I think you should firmly tell him to stop calling you, and if you see him at future meetings give him the cold shoulder.

ETA: don't waste too much of your time trying to figure him out.


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## IKE (Apr 27, 2018)

If he's not wanting to meet in a public place I'd not only not go out with him but I'd also quit answering his calls.


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## RadishRose (Apr 27, 2018)

IKE said:


> If he's not wanting to meet in a public place I'd not only not go out with him but I'd also quit answering his calls.



....and if he persists, call the police. They may be looking for him already.


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## KingsX (Apr 27, 2018)

.

Many thanks for all the insightful advice.

My crazy ex-husband stalked me for years after our divorce.  Which is part of the reason why I have remained single for decades.

But I hardly know this new stalker.  We have only met twice briefly in a business setting.  

.


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## applecruncher (Apr 27, 2018)

KingsX said:


> .
> 
> Many thanks for all the insightful advice.
> 
> ...



?? Stalker

If he's actually stalking you file a report with the police. But it's important you tell him to leave you alone; that you're not interested.

I had a problem for years with a stalker.  Police reports helped.....officer went to his house and had a talk with him.​


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## KingsX (Apr 27, 2018)

.

I've learned to screen my calls.  Now I let all incoming phone calls go to voicemail.
But I made an exception today because I was expecting an important business call.

.


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## applecruncher (Apr 27, 2018)

KingsX said:


> .
> 
> I've learned to screen my calls.  Now I let all incoming phone calls go to voicemail.
> But I made an exception today because I was expecting an important business call.
> ...



Have you told him to leave you alone?
Have you filed a report with the police? (you said he is a stalker)

Both the above are much more important than screening your calls. Otherwise, he'll keep calling and you'll keep screening. Doesn't accomplish anything at all.


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## jujube (Apr 27, 2018)

Two words: Booty call.  Do they still call it that these days or am I sadly behind the times?  I'm so out of practice, I'm not sure I'd recognize one if it were broadcast from a loud speaker.....


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## AprilSun (Apr 28, 2018)

Can you block his phone number so he can't even leave a message? That's what I would do. Anyone I don't want bothering me, I block their numbers so my phone doesn't even ring and it works.


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## Butterfly (Apr 28, 2018)

Shalimar said:


> It is peculiar. Apparently, he doesn’t want to be seen with you in a place where he may be recognised? Also, wanting access to your home right away sends warning signals to me, at least. I would steer clear. I would be concerned about being assaulted.



I agree.  I wouldn't let someone into my house until I was very sure it was safe to do so.


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## Victor (Apr 29, 2018)

Everyone is over analyzing this situation and man.

No one knows his intentions and they should not be assumed.
We read about so many terrible incidents in the news, that women are scared.
I just don't think people should be labeled stalkers so quickly.
I agree it sounds odd but he may just be quirky and harmless..
Obviously, do the safest thing for you.

Everyone feels he is up to no good but no one knows for sure.


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## KingsX (Apr 29, 2018)

.

If he is a quirky, but harmless guy,  I don't want to hurt his feelings.

If he is a stalker with evil intentions I don't want to make him mad.

This is why I try to avoid confrontation but when confronted politely say no thanks.

.


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## JaniceM (Apr 29, 2018)

KingsX said:


> .
> 
> If he is a quirky, but harmless guy,  I don't want to hurt his feelings.
> 
> ...



He could just be immature, but on the other hand, normal people take no for an answer-  they don't try to wear you down, try to get you to change your mind, or a make a nuisance of themselves.


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## hearlady (Apr 30, 2018)

I would have thought it was ok until he declined meeting in public and requested your home. Many red flags there.


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