# Elder Abuse



## SeaBreeze (Jul 4, 2013)

I've heard of a lot of instances of abuse or neglect in nursing homes. That's another reason why family and loved ones should visit the person in the nursing home often, to check on them for signs of physical or mental abuse.  Also, it's a very lonely place for one to be separated from their family, and be unsure of what's really going to be happening to them.

I heard a story on the radio, where an older woman gave her son power of attorney, because she was going into the hospital for an operation, and wanted to be sure someone would be able to take care of things if something happened to her.  Well, turns out the son promptly sold her house to one of those "We Buy Ugly Houses" places, and kept the money.

On the Dr. Phil show, an adopted daughter, around 30 years old, was accused of taking a large sum of money from her father, who was in his late 80s, to open a catering business.  Well, turned out there was no agreement for him to be part owner or get any money from profits.  She claimed he was just a 'silent' partner, and didn't expect to receive any cut from profits.  So, her little business venture folded, and the parents were out a huge amount of money.  Money they needed to continue living in retirement and take care of themselves and health issues.

Anyhoo, a guest mentioned this elder abuse site to visit, for people who wanted to learn more, or needed help in this area...http://www.agelessalliance.org/faqs.php


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## Anne (Jul 4, 2013)

I was on a forum recently where a worker in a nursing home was complaining about the residents.  He said they would soil themselves purposely to get attention, and cause all kinds of trouble just to cause problems.   I find that hard to believe, but mostly was shocked at his negative attitude toward the elderly in general.  Did he not think he might get old someday and need help??

I don't know where that attitude came from, for people to have such disdain and disrespect for their elders.  When I grew up, it was instilled in me to respect them always, and yes, some of that came from religion; which is disregarded in our society now.  I don't see the caring and kindness we used to see, either, and that is really distressing.


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## SeaBreeze (Jul 4, 2013)

I was raised to respect my elders, and although I'm up there in years now myself, I still have great consideration for those older than me.  Age, IMO, really should have nothing to do with it.  I've always been polite and caring to others, even if they were children.  

When my father in law had a major stroke, and was paralyzed, etc., we moved both of my husband's parents into our home so they wouldn't have to put him in a home for care.  She was also in poor health, both in their 80s.  Much better for them, and peace of mind for us.  They kept the main floor, since both used wheelchairs, and we moved into the basement for a couple of years until they passed on.  My husband worked swing shift, and I worked day shift, so one of us was pretty much always there for them.

I worked with a girl who said she worked in a nursing home, and had to quit there because she was too upset by the things going on.  She spoke of over-medicating, strapping people into their beds, and basically a lot of disrespectful and abusive treatment of the residents there.  She said many of them had no visitors to check up on them, so the workers didn't care. She said if somebody was injured due to rough treatment, they would just say they accidentally fell out of bed.


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## TICA (Jul 5, 2013)

There have been lots of news shows in Canada that have done shows on elderly abuse happening in nursing homes.  I found it very disturbing to watch as it wasn't just staff that were doing it, but in a lot of cases there wasn't enough staff to watch the patients and some of them were just wandering around and hitting the other patients.  These were people who had some form of dementia and likely didn't realize what they were doing.  Either way, it is very sad.

As SeeBreeze said, our loved ones need to be checked on all of the time.  I keep trying to convince my Mother to live with me.  She has her own apartment in a 55 and over building and loves it.   There will come a time though that she'll need more care and I'm hoping I can provide that.   She's stubborn though, so we shall see.......


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## MercyL (Jul 5, 2013)

This is the biggest problem with aging. Doctors worked, through the decades, to lengthen our lifespan. They failed to consider the quality of life an elderly person would most likely face. They should have recited their oath, especially the call to "do no harm", then reevaluated their push towards a longer lifespan.

Surely a caring physician would wonder how relegating the elderly to a life of poverty and mistreatment is not causing harm.

Like most people, I have no desire to end my days in a nursing home. I'd like to choose my death much like the elderly or chronically ill can choose in the movie _Soylent Green_. When the day came, the client arrived for their appointment and his or her wishes were fulfilled in an understanding environment.

Most of my peers have lost most, if not all of their retirement money. Their having to remain employed will prevent new graduates finding good jobs, meaning they cannot start families or live on their own. Many may find the only work available is caring for elderly people in their homes. I can only imagine the amount of resentment these caretakers will feel. With that resentment churning away on a daily basis, I see incidents of elder abuse increasing, not decreasing.

Paying healthcare workers better will help, but we all know it probably won't happen.


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## FishWisher (Jul 5, 2013)

I keep awareness of elder abuse alive and well in our family. I've told the kids (time and again) that at my age, even disagreeing with me may be considered elder abuse and I might report it!


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## SeaBreeze (Jul 5, 2013)

Then there's the case of predators in nursing homes...https://www.seniorforums.com/showthread.php/156-Predators-In-Nursing-Homes


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## SifuPhil (Jul 5, 2013)

MercyL said:


> ... Like most people, I have no desire to end my days in a nursing home. I'd like to choose my death much like the elderly or chronically ill can choose in the movie _Soylent Green_. When the day came, the client arrived for their appointment and his or her wishes were fulfilled in an understanding environment ...



Edward G. Robinson's character's final moments were beautiful - I wouldn't mind going out like that. 






Of course, since I have no insurance I'd have to get stoned, eat some bad meat and sneak into an empty I-MAX theater to get the same effect.


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## MercyL (Jul 6, 2013)

SifuPhil said:


> Edward G. Robinson's character's final moments were beautiful - I wouldn't mind going out like that.
> 
> Of course, since I have no insurance I'd have to get stoned, eat some bad meat and sneak into an empty I-MAX theater to get the same effect.



LOL!!!!! I bet most of us would need to do the same thing!

There was an organization called The Hemlock Society, disbanded back in 2003, that provided information for those wanting to control their death scene. Now, you can find information through The World Federation of Right to Die Societies. 

It is a shame that our government chose to persecute Dr. Kevorkian. I thought his work in physician assisted suicide forced the medical community to examine some of its own attitudes surrounding euthanasia, and encouraged family discussions about living wills, as wishes, and death with dignity intact. It's a shame that no one has come forward to replace Kevorkian but his activities drew the medical community's attention. If Kevorkian had not performed doctor assisted suicides, we probably would not see hospitals handing out information on living wills and patients' rights during the admission process.


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## i_am_Lois (Jan 28, 2014)

I worked for 8 years in a Philadelphia Nursing home, caring for the elderly. I also worked several years in Delaware, going to several homes each day as a home health care aid. I personally believe the majority of horror stories you hear about nursing homes are not true. 

The United States government see nursing homes as an industry. And in the USA it is by far the most government regulated & inspected industry. Every nursing home is inspected at least once a year and it is done without warning. And let me tell you they look at EVERYTHING. They inspect top to bottom. 

The one year, the nursing home I worked in got a deficiency because they found lint behind a dryer. (That was a potential fire hazard.) They speak to every single alert & oriented patient, privately. They read through each patients charts. 

By law, if you ask for the results of a nursing home's State inspections, they are required to provide you with that information. Is a nursing home an ideal place to live? Of course not. Each person living in one has had the loss of their health, privacy, possessions and independence. But once they've adjusted to the change in their life and meet everyone, many develop very strong friendships, they can maintain many of their interests and they are very safe & well looked after. 

I have seen far too many families struggle in their attempts to keep a loved one home. I have decided for myself in seeing this matter from all sides that if I ever need around the clock care with my daily needs I prefer that I be placed in a nursing home. My one and only stipulation would be that the nursing home I go to has a lock-down unit for their Alzheimer's patients.


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## Warrigal (Jan 29, 2014)

Residential Aged Care in this country is heavily subsidised by the Commonwealth Government. One of the best things a former PM (John Howard) did was to impose a means tested bond system for hostel care. The providers hold the bond money, benefit from the investment income and are allowed to take some of the capital every year for five years. When the person leaves or dies, the residue of the money goes with them or to their estate.

What this has done is supply capital for upgrading older facilities and to build new ones. The sector is a lot better now because of it.

I've had three elderly relatives looked after in nursing homes once dementia began to set in. It is important to be a regular and frequent visitor because they still need our care and attention. Their hearing aid batteries need replacing, clothing needs repair or replacement and they need to know that they still belong to someone, even if they can't remember your name, or think that your are a sister rather than a daughter, and that your children are their children. 

None of that matters but turning up does. The staff see that you are interested; you thank them for their care, and they are encouraged in their work. Quite often I would stop off at the cake shop and bring treats for morning or afternoon tea to share with all the residents. They loved it and became quite convivial. It doesn't take much to establish a social atmosphere. The occasional box of chocolates for the staff room went down well too.

I have no fear of going into care when I need it. I had my daughter when I was only 20 and I joke that when I am 90 sitting in the nursing home, she will be 70 and sitting next to me. Hubby and I have discussed what will happen if he becomes incapacitated. He is very big and I could never lift him and probably couldn't even push him around in a wheel chair. Rather than stay imprisoned in our home, with someone coming 2-3 times a week to administer a shower, we are prepared to enter a care facility, hopefully a hostel because of the greater privacy and autonomy, but if we really need it, a nursing home. 

Given the economic trends these days, it is very likely that our daughter will have to work until she is 70 or close to it but I know that she would continue to watch over us in a nursing home. She is our chosen Power of Attorney and our Medical Guardian and I trust her implicitly.


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## Diwundrin (Jan 29, 2014)

I have unfortunately seen 2 that weren't good places to have a loved one in.  They weren't horrifying but they were very lax in the cleanliness stakes due to to being understaffed, presumably to save money.  In one, I hesitate to say, the smell of urine was discernable from the car park! .  BUT  .... It was a long time ago and in the last 20 years I've haven't visited a 'scary' one at all.  Some are more 'star rated' than others but all acceptable, airy and friendly.

I became very friendly with the staff of the one Mum was in and wouldn't have hesitated to let them find me a room for myself.  I spent an awful lot of time there and never saw anything to raise concerns.
It had the Alzheimer wing secured but they would bring the less affected ones through to join the 'resies' at morning tea or little concerts.  It was interesting that some who hardly recognised their families still remembered some of those they'd roomed near in the 'normal' aged wing and chatted away.  It's a strange process isn't it?
Cheers for you Lois, those aged hostel carers are my heroes.  

Warri's point about outside support is important.  Clothing is a big worry as those industrial laundries aren't kind to flimsy things and they are still 'girls' and like to look the best they can no matter how old they are.  The staff took some shopping occasionally but those not fit for it, especially those with only sons were always despondent about their clothing.

I'm addicted to op shops and had a very good deal with a local one.  When shopping for Mum (yes call me cheap, but no sense paying top dollar for an article of clothing that is going to be put through an industrial washer) I'd buy in bulk any and all the best things they had in. The majority of clothing was brand new 'remaindered' stock, no raggy things. I bought them all sizes, and left them for the staff to hand out to whoever they'd fit.  The charity knew where I was buying for and gave me a discount and everyone was happy, most of all the old dears turning up at dinner in their 'new' finery.

... and yes, I bought whatever new jammies and shirts were around for the few 'boys' there too.   It cost me not a lot, just a dollar or three per item usually when I did a 'stocktake'  I'm not lady bountiful by nature,  but the return on the few bucks was well worth every cent.  It's nice to take them flowers but they aren't useful to the residents, and a PIA to the staff.  Take them a new blouse, or cardigan. It won't cost much more than the flowers anyway and will be a whole lot more appreciated.

Oh and that chocolate thing, I used to leave a Kilo box in Mum's room for the staff to pinch in passing.  Mum got a lot of attention.


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## Rainee (Jan 29, 2014)

My daughter works in a nursing home down in Sydney and I know for sure its run properly and the patients are well looked after.. its a Uniting Church home or a protestant home as I think they are called now.. and she loves her job.. she takes time to check and spend time with each patient and is doing night duties where she works every night from 10pm to 7am in the morning.. she has heard of some nursing homes being careless but the one she works at is very strict with their Nurses and Ain`s the patient must come first they tell them or clients as they are known today.. and the nurses and sister`s give them a hug or shoulder to cry on if they are upset.. they really go out of their way to make their life happy there.. this would have to be one of the nicer nursing homes.. there would be plenty of lovely run ones and also I guess some not so good you just have to look around if your looking for one.. 

This lovely story reminds me of how a man could spend time in a nursing home with his wife who had lost her memory.. and one day the nurse said to the man why do you go each day to visit your wife and have your meals with her .. she has no idea who you are.. well ! the man replied she might not know who I am but I sure know who she is.. ..


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## Vivjen (Jan 29, 2014)

I used to visit a lot of homes when I was working; retirement homes, nursing homes, and residential homes for younger people with physical and mental challenges.
i know where I want to end up!
some of them were wonderful, some awful....so it is worth 'shopping around'.


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## WhatInThe (Mar 23, 2014)

I hear a lot about this lately. If you know someone in a nursing home make sure they are visited regularly by someone on the family so staff can see someone's paying attention. Also warn seniors about leaving valuables exposed and/or even taking them into a home. The staff learns what senior has. I lost relative in home due to old age complicatios of existing conditions and first thing the nurse said 'We'll she said I could have this and that etc. I know others whose family was basically robbed blind of valuables. Do anything you can to encourage senior health and self sufficiency and don't wait until they are approaching 75/80 years of age either. Many in nursing homes simply give up or say screw it I want to be waited on.

Also be aware the way many state right their medical malpractice lawsuits a senior gets screwed because of the medical condition and lack of time to recovery from neglect and many state only allow for medical and legal expenses to fix the condition with no pain and suffering awards. So a lawsuit might mean the senior might have their bed and diaper changed on time. Or they might be turned regularly like they were supposed to. But they will not be compensated for months or years of pain and suffering in many cases. 

STAY OUT OF NURSING HOMES AT ALL COSTS. Discourage! Encourage independent living and self sufficiency to young folks as well.

It's funny how in the US we encourage young people INdependence including living on their own but come old age  DEpendence on facilities like nursing homes is encouraged.


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