# Drop-ins (unannounced visits)



## applecruncher (Aug 19, 2019)

Remember when people just showed up/dropped in for a visit, without calling? Heck, I used to do it and plenty did it to me. "Just stopped by to see how you're doin' "There was a time when it was very common.  Sometimes people would show up with their entire family.  It was rare for anyone to say "We can't have company right now, we're getting ready to eat dinner".  My parents often took us to visit people without calling, and people (usually relatives) did the same to us.

Things changed......now I would be very displeased.  No excuse for not calling or texting in advance! People might be in the bathroom, eating dinner, in the middle of a disagreement, asleep, 'busy', getting ready to go out, ......whatever.  It's very poor manners to just "show up".


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## treeguy64 (Aug 19, 2019)

I never eat dinner, in the bathroom!


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## hypochondriac (Aug 19, 2019)

This is so true. When it stopped occurring Im not exactly sure. The ninetees? As kids we walked in and out of each others houses like they were extensions of our own. My parents were especially welcoming though. Our house was like a drop in coffee shop/backpackers hostel. Parents didn't seem to mind. They loved people. "lets sit down and have a cuppa" mentality. And...being a small town, we never locked the house., Amazing when I think about it. I never locked my car either. We never suffered a robbery or stolen vehicle.


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## Sassycakes (Aug 19, 2019)

I lived in the City most of my life until about a year ago. I had many Aunts and Uncles and cousins that all lived close to where I did and I had company all the time and no one ever called first. I didn't mind it in my early years but I wouldn't want it to be that way now. I enjoy my privacy and am not always in the mood for uninvited people.


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## Keesha (Aug 19, 2019)

Yes but now nobody just drops by on me. 
They know better.


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## Liberty (Aug 19, 2019)

Keesha said:


> Yes but now nobody just drops by on me.
> They know better.


Keesha, son always wants to have a crowd present when we come to visit. Its like we are famous old rock stars! Hubby hates that.  More than two or three people are way too many in his book.  We keep telling son that but he just doesn't get it. So, we don't drop in on him nor encourage him to drop in on us...of course we live out of state so he is forced to check first...lol.


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## Keesha (Aug 19, 2019)

Liberty said:


> Keesha, son always wants to have a crowd present when we come to visit. Its like we are famous old rock stars! Hubby hates that.  More than two or three people are way too many in his book.  We keep telling son that but he just doesn't get it. So, we don't drop in on him nor encourage him to drop in on us...of course we live out of state so he is forced to check first...lol.


Totally get it. After traveling half way across the country by car to visit the in-laws, we were completely exhausted and asked for time to recoup without visitors. Nope. I still had a bath and went to bed though. I’m not good at that pretending stuff.so refused to do it


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## win231 (Aug 19, 2019)

When I was young, we'd always drop by whenever.  In fact, there was one trick we'd play on each other.  I'd drive to a phone booth around the corner from my friend's place which was 30 miles away & say, "I'll be there in an hour," then I'd knock on his door a minute later.
But I stopped doing that after I found him with my fiancée.


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## StarSong (Aug 20, 2019)

Societal behaviors change over time, often so slowly that we don't notice until new habits are well entrenched.  My recollection is that the end of drop-in company dovetailed with Baby Boomer women working full-time.    

Houses were no longer company ready at all times, and women were no longer desperate for interaction beyond their family members and neighbors.  Time off work was precious and highly scheduled - so much to do in those short evenings and weekends.  Showing up out of the blue on a Saturday afternoon was considered highly presumptous as well as rude, with the exception of a neighborhood kid banging on a friend's door in hopes of tossing a ball together.


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## RadishRose (Aug 20, 2019)

I also remember people in our house all the time. My friends and I were always in and out of each others homes. 

I think StarSong had it right... women went to work. Time for family and the home became limited and thus, more precious.


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## applecruncher (Aug 20, 2019)

Sunday afternoon used to be a popular time for drop-ins. I remember how my mother dreaded the weekly visits of one particular relative with his wife and 4 kids. Their visits were long, but my mother was always nice to them.


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## Liberty (Aug 20, 2019)

applecruncher said:


> Sunday afternoon used to be a popular time for drop-ins. I remember how my mother dreaded the weekly visits of one particular relative with his wife and 4 kids. Their visits were long, but my mother was always nice to them.


Who was it said "don't mistake endurance for hospitality."


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## StarSong (Aug 20, 2019)

Liberty said:


> Who was it said "don't mistake endurance for hospitality."


Hahaha!  I've never heard that one!  Love it!


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## gennie (Aug 20, 2019)

Never liked it and like even less as I age.  In our neighborhood, if one is sitting on patio or porch and relaxing, it's fine to stop for a chat.  Otherwise, call ahead.  Only knock if a business call.


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## AnnieA (Aug 20, 2019)

Even as a young Senior, I remember this from my childhood.  Am so glad drop in visiting is no longer a thing.  I live alone, am messy and don't dress for company on a daily basis, so am glad for the practice now of setting up visits in advance.


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## applecruncher (Aug 20, 2019)

To add to StarSong's comments:

Families used to sit down and eat dinner together, often at a certain time.  When more women started to work outside the home, the family dinner often fell by the wayside.  People grabbed a quick bite sometimes on their way out the door.  My mother worked second shift for awhile at a hospital.  She fixed dinner, we heated it up. Sometimes an aunt who lived close by would stop in and help....dad and later stepdad weren't skilled in the kitchen.  Then there was cleanup and homework.  Everybody was scurrying around, trying to do what needed to be done.  People didn't have time for drop-in visitors who just came to chitchat.


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## 911 (Aug 21, 2019)

I remember the Seinfeld show’s take on the “drop-in.” Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer all said they didn’t like the drop-in, yet they all did it. 

I will sometimes drop-in to see a friend or relative, but I generally give them a text before I do, unless I just happen to find myself in their neighborhood.


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## Ruthanne (Aug 21, 2019)

I do recall when drop in visits were fine.  I never liked them, though, as I wasn't prepared for them.  No one drops in on me now and by chance if anyone did it would have to be an emergency for me to let them in.


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## Aunt Bea (Aug 21, 2019)

I used to have a few friends that I would drop in on but I would not think of it today and I would not appreciate it if anyone just dropped in on me.

I think the notion of calling on people in my grandparents day was a holdover to the Victorian era.  I remember my city grandmother having some old calling cards from her parent's generation.





http://www.avictorian.com/etiquette_calling.html


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## toffee (Aug 21, 2019)

I did do it way back 80s time -visit my sis in her lovely big posh home ..usually on a boring sunday'
some times I would phone-- or just drop in ' I was young and did not give it a second thought ' 
but looking bck it makes me cringe -lol.. I  'but we dont get a lot living country style . knock knock


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## mike4lorie (Aug 21, 2019)

Around here you get one invitation... Doesn't matter who you are, you get one and only one... So most of the time we just get people popping by, and they all know to bring me a fresh coffee when they are coming, and a Peppermint Tea for Lorie...


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## Butterfly (Aug 21, 2019)

I don't answer my door if I am not expecting someone.  That effectively stops drop in visitors.


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## Lc jones (Aug 22, 2019)

Everyone with good intentions are welcome but I prefer them to call first, I like to spoil my guests so I want to be prepared.


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## rgp (Aug 25, 2019)

I think drop-in/drop by visits started back before there were phones? 

 Today, if ya drop-by here ......... ya might get an eye full of me in my skivvies ...........LOL!!


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## MarciKS (Jul 19, 2020)

Here at my place if I get *dropped* in on...I pretend like it's the old days when the Jehovah Witnesses came to the door. The parents would turn off all the lights & we'd hide in our rooms & we were told if we made a sound we'd get no cookies


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## Marie5656 (Jul 19, 2020)

I can remember that too. Usually it was family. They would just walk in too. Door was always unlocked.  Not anymore. At least not where I live. And today especially would not want a drop in. What if someone in the house is unwell?
I would not do it.


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## MarciKS (Jul 19, 2020)

Marie5656 said:


> I can remember that too. Usually it was family. They would just walk in too. Door was always unlocked.  Not anymore. At least not where I live. And today especially would not want a drop in. What if someone in the house is unwell?
> I would not do it.


See I find that so terribly odd. My parents locked the doors of the house & the cars my whole life. And I do too. I don't know how anyone could feel safe just leaving their door unlocked where just anyone could've walked in. Even back then.


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## Marie5656 (Jul 19, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> See I find that so terribly odd. My parents locked the doors of the house & the cars my whole life. And I do too. I don't know how anyone could feel safe just leaving their door unlocked where just anyone could've walked in. Even back then.


I get your point. But I grew up in small town USA. We did not lock our doors during the day if at home. At night, locked. Now is different. If I am home, door is locked. If I am out sitting on my deck, front door locked. I always lock my car too.


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## MarciKS (Jul 19, 2020)

Marie5656 said:


> I get your point. But I grew up in small town USA. We did not lock our doors during the day if at home. At night, locked. Now is different. If I am home, door is locked. If I am out sitting on my deck, front door locked. I always lock my car too.


We did too Marie. And it was always the people who left everything unlocked that got robbed. LOL


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## MarciKS (Jul 19, 2020)

The back door was unlocked if us kids were out playing but the front door was locked. Mom had one eye on her chores & one eye on us kids at all times.


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## Camper6 (Jul 20, 2020)

I would love it if someone would drop by for a chat or coffee or whatever and bring their kids as well. When you think about it. It's a compliment. They value your company. If you lose your life companion you lose all her friends as well. As you get older there's not too many around. Some people resent their own kids coming over. Others complain they don't see them enough. There's plenty of time to be alone.


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## Judycat (Jul 20, 2020)

No drop-ins here.  The place is locked up. Even my son has to go to an open window and yell "Hey Mah".  Used to be I'd be in the bathroom with the door open and they'd just come walking up the steps. WTH? Give me a sec.


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## Pepper (Jul 20, 2020)

Marie5656 said:


> I get your point. But I grew up in small town USA. We did not lock our doors during the day if at home. At night, locked. Now is different. If I am home, door is locked. If I am out sitting on my deck, front door locked. I always lock my car too.


Why not?  Why not lock your doors?  What is so difficult about door locking?  What was the point of Not locking doors?  Hard to remember to carry your keys?  Afraid of being locked out?


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## Ronni (Jul 20, 2020)

Well I think now with the advent of the virus drop-ins are definitely a thing of the past, even if some folks were still doing that.

after I left my ex and had my own house, my teenage kids would have friends over all the time. There would be no call no check in, some kid would just show up at the door looking for one of mine. Of course they were always welcome no matter what was going on. My house was a safe haven for everyone.

Those same teens, now adults some with kids of their own, know they’re always welcome, but very seldom drop in unannounced, of course we’re talking before the virus and quarantine. No matter what they would always call first, primarily because we always had a busy social life and weren’t always home.

But if they needed a pit stop or wanted to borrow something, they all know the key code so they could just come by anyway.


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## Camper6 (Jul 20, 2020)

Pepper said:


> Why not?  Why not lock your doors?  What is so difficult about door locking?  What was the point of Not locking doors?  Hard to remember to carry your keys?  Afraid of being locked out?


The reason we didn't lock doors in the good old days is because there wasn't the threat that there is now.  It's just something you never thought of.  I used to ride a bike to high school.  Hundreds of bikes in the parking lot.  No one locked their bike and no bikes got stolen.  It was a different time of life.  Nowadays you have to lock up your bike and even then they will steal them because they have cutters that can cut the cable.  I have had four bikes stolen at my apartment.  Now I take the front wheel off and lock it as well.  They won't steal a bike they can't ride.  So what do they do?  They slash the seat in frustration.  Steal a car? Unheard of.  Now they hijack cars and your life is in danger.  They get arrested now, and are out on the street the next day on probation and then they are arrested again for breaking probation.  The jails are revolving doors.


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## MarciKS (Jul 20, 2020)

Take a look at all the serial killers on here from the 60s & 70s. This is why my folks locked everything up. Times may not have been "as dangerous" but there was always that chance. And what's to keep a total stranger from just walking in on you even back then?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_serial_killers_in_the_United_States


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## StarSong (Jul 20, 2020)

Marie5656 said:


> I get your point. But I grew up in small town USA. We did not lock our doors during the day if at home. At night, locked. Now is different. If I am home, door is locked. If I am out sitting on my deck, front door locked. I always lock my car too.


Exactly the same for me.  I also have a monitored home alarm system and five security cameras.


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## JaniceM (Jul 20, 2020)

applecruncher said:


> Remember when people just showed up/dropped in for a visit, without calling? Heck, I used to do it and plenty did it to me. "Just stopped by to see how you're doin' "There was a time when it was very common.  Sometimes people would show up with their entire family.  It was rare for anyone to say "We can't have company right now, we're getting ready to eat dinner".  My parents often took us to visit people without calling, and people (usually relatives) did the same to us.
> 
> Things changed......now I would be very displeased.  No excuse for not calling or texting in advance! People might be in the bathroom, eating dinner, in the middle of a disagreement, asleep, 'busy', getting ready to go out, ......whatever.  It's very poor manners to just "show up".


I'm with you on the second section, but not the first.  In the areas where I lived, dropping in unannounced was always considered to be bad form.


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## Marie5656 (Jul 20, 2020)

Pepper said:


> Why not?  Why not lock your doors?  What is so difficult about door locking?  What was the point of Not locking doors?  Hard to remember to carry your keys?  Afraid of being locked out?


Doors were locked when we were out. Only unlocked during the day when we were at home. Again, I grew up in a very small town


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## twinkles (Jul 20, 2020)

when i lived by myself i use to have a lot of drop ins---i had a ex sister in law that hadnt called me in years she said she would come over some day-i said call me first-she wanted to no why--i told her i might be laying down or taking a shower-she came by anyway with out calling i didnt answer the door--she knew i was home  because my car was out front-i caught her looking in my window--i havent heard from her since-thats been 12 years ago


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