# Abuse in Nursing Homes or Assisted Living



## Michella A (Feb 19, 2020)

I recently had been thinking of going to a home. I want a more independent route but can't seem to bring myself to commit. I did see the new story about a place in Detroit. The story showed camera footage of a male nurse choking a older woman into her wheel chair and punched her in the face. I can't help to think that if he felt so comfortable to do that on camera, the whole place must engage in the abuse too. It's such a scary situation and makes it even more harder to to consider a nursing home or facility.


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## Keesha (Feb 19, 2020)

Welcome to the forum Michelle. ❤

The only suggestion I can make is for you to personally visit various nursing homes and choose the one you feel most comfortable with.

This is what I did with my parents since they both needed specialized care 24/7 and it proved worthwhile. At first they were dead against it. Now they are getting the care they need, they are much healthier, and have adapted quite well considering. They are happily sharing the same room.

Ask plenty of questions. Take good notice of the way the current residents are being treated. Are they happy? Take your time and don’t commit until you are absolutely certain of your decision. Most facilities will be more than happy to fulfill your request.

Good luck to you


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## Michella A (Feb 19, 2020)

Keesha said:


> Welcome to the forum Michelle. ❤
> 
> The only suggestion I can make is for you to personally visit various nursing homes and choose the one you feel most comfortable with. This is what I did with my parents since they both needed care specialized care 24/7 and it proved worthwhile. At first they were dead against it. Now they are getting the care they need, they much healthier, and have adapted quite well considering.
> 
> ...


Thanks darling


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## Keesha (Feb 19, 2020)

Michella A said:


> Thanks darling


You are most welcome sweetheart Lol


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## Pinky (Feb 19, 2020)

Keesha has very good advice. When it was obvious my mother-in-law needed extra care, my husband and I made appointments to take her to 3 different assisted living facilities. She chose the one she liked best. They gave excellent care, and kept us informed of any difficulties or problems.

Good luck with your search - and, welcome to the forum, Michella.


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## jerry old (Feb 19, 2020)

do you have relatives, friends that can make unannounced visits-nursing homes hate unannounced visits, but it gives them a head's up-'someone is interested in this resident's welfare.
Consider:
Church affiliated nursing homes, where the profit motive is not the only
consideration would be my pick.

Investigate, take your time, don't rush a decision.  If you get a feeling,
'things aren't quite right,' LISTEN!


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## Keesha (Feb 19, 2020)

jerry old said:


> Investigate, take your time, don't rush a decision.  If you get a feeling,
> 'things aren't quite right,' LISTEN!


Absolutely. Use your intuition. 
Great advice.


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## Michella A (Feb 19, 2020)

jerry old said:


> do you have relatives, friends that can make unannounced visits-nursing homes hate unannounced visits, but it gives them a head's up-'someone is interested in this resident's welfare.
> Consider:
> Church affiliated nursing homes, where the profit motive is not the only
> consideration would be my pick.
> ...


Thanks Jerry. I have 3 daughters that are extremely protective of me and I saw that a few places we went to together it seemed as if the places were not so pleased with the questions my daughters were asking them, I guess maybe they felt bombarded. So I figured I try to go myself but I think I'll stick with my daughters. I see now why they were asking so many questions, hell I was ashamed I didn't think of their questions. Also, every place we went to together they all would look at me and say ma this isn't a good place. I was confused because everyone seemed nice and understanding,but my daughters were telling me "no" they all seem that way on tours. I get what they were seeing and saying now.


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## JaniceM (Feb 20, 2020)

When my parents owned and operated a home many decades ago, they were absolutely livid when hearing stories in the news about abuse and neglect of elderly persons in nursing homes and similar facilities.  
However, there's another serious issue that either wasn't as common in those days or wasn't known about-  misusing psychiatric medications to control patients' behavior and make them more 'manageable.'  
Statistics from research nearly 4 years ago stated "25% of nursing home residents in this country are on anti-psychotic medications"-  often without the patients' or family members' consent, and without any medical necessity.  
Considering the widespread 'push' for what some refer to as psychiatric drugging, it's safe to assume this problem is worsening.  
So if you don't mind some advice, don't move into any facility without somehow learning if they practice this.


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## jerry old (Feb 20, 2020)

In America, the profit motive drives the economy, nursing homes are
in the same category. 
Without a friend, family member to visit the Nursing Home, your in trouble.
Basically, your a prisoner.
As post 9 illustrates, the more docile the cliental are, the easier they are to manage, less employees are need to monitor the patients.

Unless you are private pay, your supposed to get twenty dollars a month
for purchase of personal articles.

Nursing homes are a holding center for cemeteries; I suppose they are a
needed facility in our current society.  
My opinion-a terrible way to end your days.
.


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## JaniceM (Feb 20, 2020)

JaniceM said:


> When my parents owned and operated a home many decades ago, they were absolutely livid when hearing stories in the news about abuse and neglect of elderly persons in nursing homes and similar facilities.
> However, there's another serious issue that either wasn't as common in those days or wasn't known about-  misusing psychiatric medications to control patients' behavior and make them more 'manageable.'
> Statistics from research nearly 4 years ago stated "25% of nursing home residents in this country are on anti-psychotic medications"-  often without the patients' or family members' consent, and without any medical necessity.
> Considering the widespread 'push' for what some refer to as psychiatric drugging, it's safe to assume this problem is worsening.
> So if you don't mind some advice, don't move into any facility without somehow learning if they practice this.



If I can add:  if you and your daughters are considering a facility, snoop around-  go around and meet patients/residents, notice whether they seem happy and healthy, or whether they're acting somewhat unusual.  And if the staff tells you you cannot do this, give them the figurative middle-finger and look for a different facility!!


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## grannyjo (Feb 20, 2020)

In Australia,  the stories of abuse in Aged Care "Homes"  have gone so far that we've had a Royal Commission.

So far,  only an interim report has been released,  and our Government won't act until the final report is released.

I know I have friends,  who,  although qualified to work in the Aged Care Homes in my local area refused to take employment, because they were so appalled at the treatment handed out to the older people in the "supposed" care.


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## fuzzybuddy (Feb 21, 2020)

The only real way to check out a home is to live there. And just because you enetered a home does not mean you have to stay there for the rest of eternity. Do NOT commit yourself for  anything more than month to month. You still have  all your rights, and legal abilities.


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## grannyjo (Feb 21, 2020)

It seems that there is a difference between Aged Care and Nursing homes.

In Australia,  most residents in Nursing homes are those who are the most vulnerable.  Those who have dementia,  or who have had some other life changing condition that requires them to be cared for, 24 hours per day.

I enclose a picture of a meal, served to residents in a Nursing Home, in Australia,  for lunch on Christmas Day.

Baked Beans and two scoops of mashed potato/


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## jerry old (Feb 21, 2020)

you can survive on beans and potatoes, BUT it is a dour meal.
if that's a sample, I would guess worse means are served.

Old people are burnt out, impotent, and useless.
There is some truth to that, but your going to have to drag me out of 
my home.


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## Marlene (Feb 22, 2020)

One of my colleagues and I did quite a bit of research on nursing homes - mostly looking at the kind of "abuse" that goes unmentioned: the infantilization of the elderly.  This is a phenomenon that doesn't usually show up in the "ratings" since many nursing home staff think it is comforting for the elderly to be treated like infants.  Most elderly people disagree.  

Anyway, here is one source for nursing home ratings for each state.  

https://nursinghomerating.org/


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## toffee (Feb 22, 2020)

firstly I would not jump into it to quickly 'ask others about there care from relatives who have a parent in there '
not sure if you get help the aged over there as we do in the UK. so shop around look into these homes '
you can always put up a hidden camera in your room for safety sake peace of mind for you daughters to check '

I worked in a private one long ago it was okish ' I was in the catering food part , but the abuse does go on especially over here
they have jailed people on this a lot ..reason is you get people apply for the care never vetted in their background 'and  to phone their 
last employers up ' to must rush and most have not a clue in this business; so get feed back from as many people you can about a home ..good luck..


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## katlupe (Feb 22, 2020)

Having worked in a number of nursing homes over the years, my thoughts on it is that no matter how good the home is, it only takes one bad nurse or aide to ruin their record. It is not the home itself, but the staff on that floor who really needs to be evaluated. The thing about that is that it changes constantly. I worked in one run by the county for a few years that the residents were divided into groups. One aide on each shift would be responsible for each group. I thought this was good because I really knew each of my residents. I had 3 rooms of 3 people and on the week-end I had two extra people. When the aide knows her resident, she knows if something is not right. But when you have different ones each night you don't bond with them. The problem in most homes is they give the aides too many residents to care for and the aide is rushed the whole time. I tried to treat each one, even my difficult ones (they were my favorites!) the way I'd want my parents treated if it was them in the nursing home. 

I have seen abuse also, but not where I worked. My mother-in-law had her legs amputated and the first night after coming from the hospital, the aides putting her on the toilet and back to bed were rough with her. She had complained to the one aide that her necklace was hitting her in the face (they are not supposed to have jewelry on to begin with). So the aide got mad at her and threw her in the bed. Well, she ended up in the ER due to the stitches opening right after that. The doctor was very mad and the aide fired.


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## JaniceM (Feb 22, 2020)

grannyjo said:


> It seems that there is a difference between Aged Care and Nursing homes.
> 
> In Australia,  most residents in Nursing homes are those who are the most vulnerable.  Those who have dementia,  or who have had some other life changing condition that requires them to be cared for, 24 hours per day.
> 
> ...



It may have changed in recent years, and/or the laws/policies may vary from state to state, but when my parents were in business there were only two actual differences that I recall:
Nursing homes were required to have an R.N. present 24/7, and were allowed to accept bedridden patients.  
What my parents had was referred to as a Rest Home-  there were aides present 24/7, but they weren't required to have any special training/certification;  and we could accept folks in wheelchairs, as long as they were ambulatory.


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## jerry old (Feb 22, 2020)

nursing homes  are business ventures-their primary concern it the bottom line.  their not there to treat granny 'nice,'
you check out a nursing home to see if it's suitable for granny, the nursing
home is full of granny's.  All are a pain in the butt with their incessant whining, demanding... 
The nursing home views your granny as a  resident which becomes a figure  on  their flow chart.   
You want good care for granny; the nursing home views her as a number.
*
Katlupe's* post is of interest, especially when you pull up *MARLENE'S*
CHART: Texas, California-states with big populations and lots of violations,
New York, another state with a big population has far less violations.

The nursing home industry has a very, very strong lobby in my (Tx) 
state.  They can get any threating law quashed or amended with 30 day.
I see the nursing home political clout as the major problem.
Given the no politics rule, I will not go any further on  that topic.
will post events of personal knowledge later.


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## Floridatennisplayer (Feb 22, 2020)

And sadly, people spend outrageous sums of money for LTC insurance for this wonderful opportunity.


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## Aunt Bea (Feb 23, 2020)

IMO we get what we deserve.

Until we change our priorities about childcare, eldercare, etc... nothing will change or improve.

We live in a world where people are more concerned about a trip to Disney World, a new car, jumbo television, etc... than they are about caring for themselves and the people that they profess to love.


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## katlupe (Feb 23, 2020)

One change that has to be made in the nursing homes is to start treating the CNAs (certified nursing assistants) as they are not doing the lowest level job in the place. They do all the care, not the nurses. If they took pride in the job they do and cared more about the residents, the care in the nursing home would start improving. Once they get that certificate, they start the circuit of going from one nursing home to another.

One other thing I saw in that type of work is instead of all aides and nurses working together, including all 3 shifts, they try to get the other shifts  in trouble. So quick to report someone if they make a mistake instead of fixing it or showing them what they did wrong. Which of course, leads to working short again until someone new is hired. Then going through the process of teaching someone new the job. I was fortunate to be on a good unit, but one of the hardest as most were total care.


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## JaniceM (Feb 23, 2020)

katlupe said:


> One change that has to be made in the nursing homes is to start treating the CNAs (certified nursing assistants) as they are not doing the lowest level job in the place. They do all the care, not the nurses. If they took pride in the job they do and cared more about the residents, the care in the nursing home would start improving. Once they get that certificate, they start the circuit of going from one nursing home to another.
> 
> One other thing I saw in that type of work is instead of all aides and nurses working together, including all 3 shifts, they try to get the other shifts  in trouble. So quick to report someone if they make a mistake instead of fixing it or showing them what they did wrong. Which of course, leads to working short again until someone new is hired. Then going through the process of teaching someone new the job. I was fortunate to be on a good unit, but one of the hardest as most were total care.



I'm curious as to why another member put a shocked symbol on my previous post but didn't know where to mention it.
But want to comment on your post here-  I agree with what you said, but I've noticed something in recent years-  while much has to do with state laws and they do differ, I'm kinda stunned by the goings-on that I've seen recently:
First, individuals can obtain CNA certification in 2 weeks!!  My training was so long ago (and in a different state) that I can barely remember, but it was at least 6 months- classroom, lab, & fieldwork.  What the heck can anyone learn in 2 weeks?!?   
Second, CNA and Medical Assistant classes are given free-of-charge locally to homeless people;  I knew two individuals who became certified as Medical Assistants who were both actively-practicing drug addicts.  While it's good to help homeless people gain skills to get jobs, I really don't think this is a smart approach.  Too often it's in the news of individuals caught stealing drugs from the facilities where they work.


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## katlupe (Feb 23, 2020)

JaniceM said:


> I'm curious as to why another member put a shocked symbol on my previous post but didn't know where to mention it.
> But want to comment on your post here-  I agree with what you said, but I've noticed something in recent years-  while much has to do with state laws and they do differ, I'm kinda stunned by the goings-on that I've seen recently:
> First, individuals can obtain CNA certification in 2 weeks!!  My training was so long ago (and in a different state) that I can barely remember, but it was at least 6 months- classroom, lab, & fieldwork.  What the heck can anyone learn in 2 weeks?!?
> Second, CNA and Medical Assistant classes are given free-of-charge locally to homeless people;  I knew two individuals who became certified as Medical Assistants who were both actively-practicing drug addicts.  While it's good to help homeless people gain skills to get jobs, I really don't think this is a smart approach.  Too often it's in the news of individuals caught stealing drugs from the facilities where they work.


I put the wow on not because I was shocked but because I was surprised due to what you said: "they weren't required to have any special training/certification; and we could accept folks in wheelchairs, as long as they were ambulatory."

In NY, at least where I lived the certification course was much more than 2 weeks. And you had to take a test given by a state representative and it was a very serious test. Plus you had to go to inservices constantly to keep your training current with new regulations and methods of doing things. Back then we were not drug tested, but probably are now.

I think the reason that drug addicts, homeless and poor individuals are directed toward these type of jobs is because they think they can teach them these skills. But that keeps the job of caring for nursing home residents classified as a low level job. It shouldn't be. You really need to be a compassionate type of person to be good at it. Plus this type of job places drug addicts right in an area where they can get more drugs. This is why you have to be careful when you have home aides coming into your home also.

Another reason they hire these people for this job is that they didn't have to have a high school diploma either. Should have put them in a program to get their GED.


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## JaniceM (Feb 23, 2020)

katlupe said:


> I put the wow on not because I was shocked but because I was surprised due to what you said: "they weren't required to have any special training/certification; and we could accept folks in wheelchairs, as long as they were ambulatory."
> 
> In NY, at least where I lived the certification course was much more than 2 weeks. And you had to take a test given by a state representative and it was a very serious test. Plus you had to go to inservices constantly to keep your training current with new regulations and methods of doing things. Back then we were not drug tested, but probably are now.
> 
> I think the reason that drug addicts, homeless and poor individuals are directed toward these type of jobs is because they think they can teach them these skills. But that keeps the job of caring for nursing home residents classified as a low level job. It shouldn't be. You really need to be a compassionate type of person to be good at it. Plus this type of job places drug addicts right in an area where they can get more drugs. This is why you have to be careful when you have home aides coming into your home also.



Thanks for clarifying! 
When their Home was open (decades ago in NY), aides only needed to have BLS training, they didn't need to be CNA's or anything like that;  I think my father was the only person who had actual medical training.  My training was in a different state, also decades ago, so I was kinda stunned to see how lax training and standards are in my current location.


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## Giantsfan1954 (Feb 23, 2020)

Totally agree with Katlupe...it's a tough job,hard on the body,the pay scale,especially in upstate NY is abysmal,operating without sufficient staff is pretty much standard operating procedure


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## Lethe200 (Feb 23, 2020)

Floridatennisplayer said:


> And sadly, people spend outrageous sums of money for LTC insurance for this wonderful opportunity.



You're entitled to your opinion, and I'm entitled to politely disagree with you. As I've said elsewhere, we bought LTCi because we have *average mortality risk but above-average morbidity risk. *

We investigated nine full-service senior facilities in our area for my MIL. That included multiple visits, dining at least twice, observing Memory Care classes and touring both Skilled Care Nursing and Memory Care units. The good quality places were very good indeed. Our top two choices for her, in fact, were #3 and #6 in the state rankings.

My MIL dined with three other women for her meals. She was the "baby" at 84 - the other women were in their late 80's and one was age 99, using a wheelchair. They had been residents for over twenty years, and loved living there.

Fast forward to today, and those two facilities remain our top choices for _ourselves _as well. But they are not cheap. Without LTCi benefits, my spouse and I would not be able to sustain SCN/MC costs for one of us if needed for more than seven years. If BOTH of us needed care, our assets would drain even faster. The income and Medicare tax hit would be devastating in itself. 

I salute anyone who has enough assets to self-insure. We can only do it for a limited amount of time. Current morbidity statistics do not inspire me with confidence that we could withstand a decade or more of serious mental/physical ill-health without impoverishing one or both of us.


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## Giantsfan1954 (Feb 23, 2020)

I can only speak of New York state,haven't had any reason to inquire about other areas...
LTC insurance is prohibitively expensive for a large part of the population.Most if not all surrender their social security and get their meager allowance each month,someone stated 20.00,I believe it's now 50.00
I come from a somewhat unique perspective,I was a CNA for 25+ years and then after my husband passed I developed some cardiac problems and was a resident for  4 months,so basically both sides of the call bell.
Like any business,it's all about the bottom line and nothing more,I have witnessed shortages of supplies and equipment,many have been taken over by large investors group and have partnered with other facilities.
It's all about the staff,the workload for said staff,call outs are frequent as are no shows,sadly,it's a very needy group which can become overwhelming rapidly,consequently,there's a huge turnover!I
The state dept of health does inspections once a year,usually around the same time and facilities will call each other to let them know to expect a visit,unless there are numerous complaints,then they may show up unexpectedly.
Best idea is to visit frequently,paying attention to your loved ones mental and physical state as well as their belongings.


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## katlupe (Feb 24, 2020)

Giantsfan1954 said:


> Best idea is to visit frequently,paying attention to your loved ones mental and physical state as well as their belongings.


Exactly! Visiting at all different times. Not being routine about visits.


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## fuzzybuddy (Feb 24, 2020)

Anyone can work in a nursing home, and that's the problem. You can become employed at 8 AM, and be on the floor working at 8:01 AM. You start at minimum wage and in ten years, you'll be making minimum wages. It's back breaking work. And those sweet little old ladies ,, and gents, can haul off, and paste you right in the face. They can swear at you. Scream at you. Spit on you. Throw feces on you. Vomit on you. Piss on you. Kick you. Grab your hair. Throw dinner trays. Helping someone to bed may mean getting pummeled by canes ,fists , & feet, and anything within reach. And you have to endure all that for minimum wage. And the oldsters are extremely fragile. Just holding there hand may cause fractures.  Whatever walks in the door, gets hired. Most don't think dear sweet Aunt Mary is combative and has sent staff to the ER, but it does happen. We expect nursing homes to be staffed with highly qualified, caring people, the best medical staff, and provide an immaculate setting, with chef quality  cuisine, and all for $1.80/day.


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## MarciKS (Feb 24, 2020)

As a former employee of a nursing home, I would suggest visiting multiple times at different times of the day and take an extra set of eyes & ears with you. What you miss the other person might see or here. While you're checking things out and talking to staff the other person can be watching and listening to what's going on around you. Pay heed to the amount of attention that the caregivers are giving the residents within your immediate line of sight. Watch their body language, their tone of voice, how they are manipulating the residents or their wheelchairs etc. Sometimes if there's hinky stuff going on, if the other person strikes up a conversation with a resident sometimes they will tell people what they think of their stay there.


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## bingo (Feb 24, 2020)

we sold our house and moved to another state where our daughter is...in the event we go to nursing home...she will see that we're not mistreated


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## MarciKS (Feb 24, 2020)

bingo said:


> we sold our house and moved to another state where our daughter is...in the event we go to nursing home...she will see that we're not mistreated


Good thinking!!


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## Floridatennisplayer (Feb 24, 2020)

Lethe200 said:


> You're entitled to your opinion, and I'm entitled to politely disagree with you. As I've said elsewhere, we bought LTCi because we have *average mortality risk but above-average morbidity risk. *
> 
> We investigated nine full-service senior facilities in our area for my MIL. That included multiple visits, dining at least twice, observing Memory Care classes and touring both Skilled Care Nursing and Memory Care units. The good quality places were very good indeed. Our top two choices for her, in fact, were #3 and #6 in the state rankings.
> 
> ...


And you are entitled to your opinion as well


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## MarciKS (Feb 24, 2020)

Floridatennisplayer said:


> And you are entitled to your opinion as well


Some facilities are wonderful. I don't doubt that. I do doubt that very many are. I don't know where you are but, around here, the care isn't as good.


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## MarciKS (Feb 24, 2020)

That's also another factor in play is what a person can or can't afford. The nursing homes I've seen have all treated the paying residents better than the ones who were on the State's dime. That should never be a factor when it comes to elderly care.


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## Lethe200 (Feb 27, 2020)

MarciKS said:


> That's also another factor in play is what a person can or can't afford. The nursing homes I've seen have all treated the paying residents better than the ones who were on the State's dime. That should never be a factor when it comes to elderly care.



In an ideal world, maybe that's true. But it's not the world you and I live in, unfortunately.

Person-on-person healthcare and medical assistance is expensive. I wouldn't do it (and physically COULD NOT do it) for eight hours a day at $15/hr or even $35/hr. Even as an executive assistant I made more than that in the last year I worked (2006) in a comfy office job.

If you are middle-class in the U.S. you might get very good medical care when needed - but you also might not. But if you're in the 1% or even the top 10% you'll likely afford a lot better care than my friend who is struggling with breast cancer recurrence on Medicaid. 

She doesn't even want to think about what might happen to her should she survive and end up becoming elderly with only SocSec to depend on. My spouse and I have choices that she never will. Divorce devastated her finances and she was never able to recover economically.


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## OneEyedDiva (Feb 29, 2020)

It's a sin and a shame that elderly people are being abused like that. Many have no one or family members that only come once in awhile. I visited my mother twice a day when I was well enough and my uncle went up at dinner time when he was well enough. Home health aides have just as much opportunity (if they are inclined) to abuse their patients. I agree with visiting nursing homes but some things about the home may not be obvious to visitors. There are sites that give nursing home ratings based on certain categories. Here's the Medicare site:
https://www.medicare.gov/nursinghomecompare/search.html
After you find nursing homes in your area, use the tabs across the top once you open a listing to get detailed information about each category. (ie: General Information>Health Inspections (includes full reports) >Fire Safety Inspection, etc.)


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## MarciKS (May 9, 2020)

Lethe200 said:


> In an ideal world, maybe that's true. But it's not the world you and I live in, unfortunately.
> 
> Person-on-person healthcare and medical assistance is expensive. I wouldn't do it (and physically COULD NOT do it) for eight hours a day at $15/hr or even $35/hr. Even as an executive assistant I made more than that in the last year I worked (2006) in a comfy office job.
> 
> ...



Preaching to the choir here about divorce and devastated finances.


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## Aneeda72 (May 9, 2020)

jerry old said:


> do you have relatives, friends that can make unannounced visits-nursing homes hate unannounced visits, but it gives them a head's up-'someone is interested in this resident's welfare.
> Consider:
> Church affiliated nursing homes, where the profit motive is not the only
> consideration would be my pick.
> ...


Hmm, I was in a Church nursing home, it was clean, guess cause cleanliness,  is next to godliness.  Other than that, horrific.


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## Aneeda72 (May 9, 2020)

JaniceM said:


> When my parents owned and operated a home many decades ago, they were absolutely livid when hearing stories in the news about abuse and neglect of elderly persons in nursing homes and similar facilities.
> However, there's another serious issue that either wasn't as common in those days or wasn't known about-  misusing psychiatric medications to control patients' behavior and make them more 'manageable.'
> Statistics from research nearly 4 years ago stated "25% of nursing home residents in this country are on anti-psychotic medications"-  often without the patients' or family members' consent, and without any medical necessity.
> Considering the widespread 'push' for what some refer to as psychiatric drugging, it's safe to assume this problem is worsening.
> So if you don't mind some advice, don't move into any facility without somehow learning if they practice this.


This is so true.  I was so unhappy that my insurance insisted on my going to a nursing home after my hospital stay.  Because I hated it instantly, a nurse came in and said they would give me some medication to make me “happier to be there”, refused.  Stayed about 36 and left. Never again.


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## peramangkelder (May 9, 2020)

@Michella A please be very very careful before making this life altering experience
I worked in a Nursing Home In Adelaide South Australia for many years and it was one of the better ones but there were and still many where the Nursing Home residents are left unattended for lengthy periods and often in wet beds
Ambulant residents are better off but I always remember one darling old lady who told me 'I am just one of a herd now'
There are regimented meal times and activity times which may not suit you....would not suit me that's for sure
During this Covid-19 Pandemic Nursing Home residents are confined to the grounds of the home unable to go anywhere


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## MarciKS (May 9, 2020)

peramangkelder said:


> @Michella A please be very very careful before making this life altering experience
> I worked in a Nursing Home In Adelaide South Australia for many years and it was one of the better ones but there were and still many where the Nursing Home residents are left unattended for lengthy periods and often in wet beds
> Ambulant residents are better off but I always remember one darling old lady who told me 'I am just one of a herd now'
> There are regimented meal times and activity times which may not suit you....would not suit me that's for sure
> During this Covid-19 Pandemic Nursing Home residents are confined to the grounds of the home unable to go anywhere



With culture change some of the "regimented" things have a little more slack now. If a resident isn't hungry for breakfast at 7 a.m. they can arrange to have it later. If they don't want anything except coffee at 9 o'clock that's ok too. They're at least trying to do away with the hospital model and make it more home-like except for the fact that they are often understaffed and there is often neglect.


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## MarciKS (May 9, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> This is so true.  I was so unhappy that my insurance insisted on my going to a nursing home after my hospital stay.  Because I hated it instantly, a nurse came in and said they would give me some medication to make me “happier to be there”, refused.  Stayed about 36 and left. Never again.



LOL! Like that medication is gonna make it all better.


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## Warrigal (May 9, 2020)

I have had experience of nursing homes and hostel accommodation for several of my dear old ones. My mother and maiden aunt, who had lived together for decades decided to move into hostel care when Auntie was becoming physically frail. They did not want to be separated and in the hostel Auntie could have the level of care she needed and Mum was able to get out and about but without the need to cook and clean house. They stayed together until Auntie needed more care than they were set up for and she moved very reluctantly into a nursing home and it was not long before she had a stroke and really needed nursing care.  The separation was very painful for both of them and Auntie took it very badly, however, the care at both places was excellent. The staff were very professional and caring and I could walk in at any time of the day to see what was going on there.

Eventually Mum succumbed to senile dementia and needed secure accommodation to prevent her from wandering away. We found a place for her in a specially designed dementia hostel. She still had her own little suite - bed sitting room with TV and an ensuite but unlike the previous hostel, there was no sink, fridge and tea making facilities. However,  at any time at all, visitors could enter the kitchen and prepare a tray of tea or coffee and raid the biscuit tin. Then we could find a nice quiet nook in the sun and enjoy the visit. This facility also had a lovely garden that the residents were free to access themselves and a BBQ area where visitors could celebrate birthdays etc whenever they wished. My MIL was in the same facility before Mum and we were very much amused when we held a bit of a family party for her to find that a number of the residents wandered out to join us when they heard us singing Happy Birthday. Everyone had cake and it was like an extended family celebration.

For both MIL and Mum the time came when they needed full nursing home care and they were simply transferred to another section of the same facility. Eventually both ladies died there and the atmosphere was so much better than being in a hospital. Not only were the residents cared for lovingly, so were the distressed families.

All of the facilities I have referred to were not for profit aged care facilities. The dementia one is an industry leader in Australia. When my time comes I would much prefer a not for profit one. The staffing is more stable and better qualified,  and there is a philosophy of care that supersedes the profit motive.


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## JaniceM (May 10, 2020)

Aneeda72 said:


> This is so true.  I was so unhappy that my insurance insisted on my going to a nursing home after my hospital stay.  Because I hated it instantly, a nurse came in and said they would give me some medication to make me “happier to be there”, refused.  Stayed about 36 and left. Never again.


I'm glad to hear you got out of that awful and dangerous place!


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## fuzzybuddy (May 10, 2020)

I began working in the hospital biz in 1966. And I can honestly say, I have never seen a patient get beat up, or asaulted. Patients beating the hell out of the staff- oh, hell yeah. Does abuse happen? Yes. But I think it occurs a lot less than what is presented on those TV scandal of the week shows. I believe what abuse there is comes more from neglect than assault. You don't need some fancy degree, or insider info, you can tell what kind of place you're in by the way the residents look. Do they look neglected? Do residents look comfortable? That is going to be readily apparent. Does the staff seem overwhelmed?  This ain't rocket science-what you see is what you get.


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