# I am always wrong its what I do



## Sassycakes (Feb 6, 2019)

My son is annoyed with me because I still have a good relationship with his ex wife. He said she just uses me and my husband and we should stop bothering with her. I have told him over and over again that if we weren't friendly with her we would never get to see our Grandson's. He said the boys are grown up now and they would still keep in contact with me and my husband.
They have been divorced over 15yrs now. My Son was the one that asked for the divorce. I always had a close relationship with her ,because her Mother was never close to her. She always told me I was a better Mother to her than her own mother. I can't and I will not stop talking to her. He said the woman he is involved with now doesn't think I should still be friends with her and by doing so she feels like I am choosing my exDIL over her. That's true. I treat her wonderfully and I have never neglected her or her son's. I am even friendly with her Mom and her brothers and sisters. Not all marriages work and my son and his wife had to divorce,but I don't think I need to stop talking to her. What do you think


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## Aunt Bea (Feb 6, 2019)

IMO your son and his current SO should not put you in the position of making a choice, it's really none of their business.

I would maintain the relationship with her but refrain from being a conduit for any information about your son and his current relationship or vice versa.


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## Tommy (Feb 6, 2019)

:iagree:  As so often happens, Aunt Bea has expressed my sentiments better than I could myself.


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## jujube (Feb 6, 2019)

You're caught in the vise for sure.  I know exactly how you feel because I'm still close to my former son-in-law (father of my granddaughter) and even his current wife.  It annoys my daughter no end.  I told her, "Look, I didn't divorce him. You did."  He would do anything for me. I feel like he's the son I never had.


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## Sassycakes (Feb 6, 2019)

Thank all of you for your replies. I still love my exDIL even though I know she isn't perfect. I don't know why my son doesn't understand I could never hurt my grandson's by putting their Mom out of my life. I have never said anything bad about her to my grandsons. Honestly I praise her for how she raised the boys. They both are in College on free scholarships for their work. I believe she did a wonderful job raising them. She did do stupid things but nothing that affected my Grandsons.


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## C'est Moi (Feb 6, 2019)

Sassy--I had a similar situation with my son's ex.  When he remarried his new wife didn't like that I have pictures of the ex in my "family gallery" and for a while she still came to family get-togethers.   I told him that they could both grow up and get over it.   His first wife was a part of our lives for years (they went to school together) and she's the mother of my grandson.   As others have said, he divorced her... I didn't.    (I like the new wife just as much, and if they split up I won't dump her either.   )


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## Geezerette (Feb 6, 2019)

I agree with a lot of what was said above. I see nothing wrong with your keeping in touch with your son' s X wife. It sounds to me like his present GF is insecure and envious! Can't take even a whif of (nonexistent) competition. Probably just need to keep the two relationships in separate compartments: yours with X daughter in law, & yours with your son & that current girlfriend. Good luck!


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## 911 (Feb 6, 2019)

Your son divorced her, you didn’t. My only suggestion would be to just keep the relationship with having conversations and not share or give gifts. Your son may take that as a betrayal. 

I have heard and seen divorced parents withhold the grandkids from the grandparents, if their relationship is not up to par. Your son should understand that you are being nice to her, rather than risk not being able to see the grandkids.


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## Sassycakes (Feb 6, 2019)

911 said:


> Your son divorced her, you didn’t. My only suggestion would be to just keep the relationship with having conversations and not share or give gifts. Your son may take that as a betrayal.
> 
> I have heard and seen divorced parents withhold the grandkids from the grandparents, if their relationship is not up to par. Your son should understand that you are being nice to her, rather than risk not being able to see the grandkids.



Very good advice 911. My biggest fear is risking my relationship with my grandson's. And I honestly love my exDIL.  I know my son's new girlfriend is jealous of her and the fact that her husband doesn't bother with her children makes her jealous. I can't understand why because I never neglect her children. I haven't missed a birthday,Christmas or any Holiday without inviting her children. I have even bought her things that she said she needed or wanted. I feel bad that my son doesn't understand why my Husband and I do what we do.It makes me sad.


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 6, 2019)

Aunt Bea said:


> IMO your son and his current SO should not put you in the position of making a choice, it's really none of their business.
> 
> I would maintain the relationship with her but refrain from being a conduit for any information about your son and his current relationship or vice versa.



I agree with you completely too AuntBea.  Sassy, don't blame yourself for anything, you've done nothing wrong and shouldn't change a thing. 

 Your son's new girlfriend does seem to be putting her nose where it doesn't belong, is acting jealous and likely hounding your son to make you end the relationship.  Your son probably understands exactly how you and your husband are and why you do the things you do.  But when he has annoying negative chatter pecking at his ear all the time, he'll try anything to shut that down and keep the peace. 

 He'd better take a good look at this new girl he's with, if she can be like this it might continue throughout their whole relationship, not very happy for him IMO.  She seems to be trying to dominate and control not only him, but his family as well.


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## Sassycakes (Feb 6, 2019)

SeaBreeze said:


> I agree with you completely too AuntBea.  Sassy, don't blame yourself for anything, you've done nothing wrong and shouldn't change a thing.
> 
> Your son's new girlfriend does seem to be putting her nose where it doesn't belong, is acting jealous and likely hounding your son to make you end the relationship.  Your son probably understands exactly how you and your husband are and why you do the things you do.  But when he has annoying negative chatter pecking at his ear all the time, he'll try anything to shut that down and keep the peace.
> 
> He'd better take a good look at this new girl he's with, if she can be like this it might continue throughout their whole relationship, not very happy for him IMO.  She seems to be trying to dominate and control not only him, but his family as well.


 
That's what worries me. She seems to want him to pull away from not only me and my Husband and my daughter also. She got nasty with my daughter the other day during a phone conversation. My daughter called her to ask how she was feeling because she had been sick. Instead of being pleasant with my daughter she sounded like she was annoyed. She  blurted out "Why ,are you afraid I'll give your brother my cold " I told my daughter just forget about her. She sounds like a nut.


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 6, 2019)

She sounds like she has 'issues' Sassy, unfortunately they appear to be affecting everyone around her in a negative way.  Not a good future for your son, in my opinion.  But that's something he needs to acknowledge and work through for himself.


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## Sassycakes (Feb 6, 2019)

SeaBreeze said:


> She sounds like she has 'issues' Sassy, unfortunately they appear to be affecting everyone around her in a negative way.  Not a good future for your son, in my opinion.  But that's something he needs to acknowledge and work through for himself.



I'm sure she has issues and they are causing her to act the way she does. It's funny my Parents were wonderful, and my sister and brother and I had long marriages. Sadly my Parents grandchildren they had( 5 boys and 5 girls) ,and all of the boys got divorced and none of the girls did.
 I guess the boys thought all marriage would be good, but boy were they wrong.


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## Linda (Feb 7, 2019)

You are doing the correct thing Sassycakes.  I am still close to my X-daughter-in-laws.  Especially one of them.  And we give each other little gifts from time to time and I'm sure we always will.  We both love books and over New Years she thanked me for giving her an old (1939 I think) edition of Gone With The Wind.  I didn't even remember having my grandson give it to her.  She comes and spends every New Years Eve with us as we have an outdoor, firepit, get together.  Our son who was married to her and his current wife come at the same time but we all get along OK.  I guess I'm real lucky everyone tolerates everyone else.  

Don't let anyone else dictate to you who you can be friends with.


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## Ronni (Feb 7, 2019)

Man I hate that kinda thing!  I've formed very close relationships with various of my children's significant others, and they are stand-alone friendships regardless of what happens to their relationships.  I'm still friends with a variety of people my kids have had relationships with.   

I maintained a solid, friendly relationship with my ex DIL until her untimely death last year. As the gatekeeper to my grandchildren, my relationship with her was paramount.  Early on in their separation my son at times was less than pleased, because he felt like I was taking his ex's side by the action of remaining friends with her.  I reminded him I don't take sides in familial issues, it's not my thing.  I'm neutral, I'm Switzerland, and it's always been so and will always be so.  But that I was going to work to continue a close relationship with his ex for the sake of the grandchildren, that NOTHING was going to get in the way of that.  

He came to see that it was a good choice on my part.  My other kids have never felt threatened by my continuing friendships with their exes, and thankfully I've never had to put up with shenanigans with any of their current significant others as a result.  

Your son's GF sounds like bad news honestly.  I hope that's not a lasting relationship.


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## 911 (Feb 7, 2019)

Sassycakes said:


> I'm sure she has issues and they are causing her to act the way she does. It's funny my Parents were wonderful, and my sister and brother and I had long marriages. Sadly my Parents grandchildren they had( 5 boys and 5 girls) ,and all of the boys got divorced and none of the girls did.
> I guess the boys thought all marriage would be good, but boy were they wrong.




WOW! Can you say "Co-Dependency?"


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## Lethe200 (Feb 10, 2019)

Don't let your son and his new wife stress you out by demanding to censor your social circle. It's *none of their business whom you socialize with. *

I'm better friends with my ex-BIL than I am with my sister. It irritates her, but tough luck. It is what it is.


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## Sassycakes (Feb 10, 2019)

Lethe200 said:


> Don't let your son and his new wife stress you out by demanding to censor your social circle. It's *none of their business whom you socialize with. *
> 
> I'm better friends with my ex-BIL than I am with my sister. It irritates her, but tough luck. It is what it is.


 

You're right and that's what I told my son yesterday. I told him I love his ex wife and I will never stop caring for her and my grandsons. I also told him if he can't handle his girlfriend(they aren't married) then that's his problem. I never did anything to hurt her so she should butt out of my business.


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## SeaBreeze (Feb 10, 2019)

Good for you Sassy, it really shouldn't be your problem, you're absolutely right!


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## Butterfly (Feb 11, 2019)

Tommy said:


> :iagree:  As so often happens, Aunt Bea has expressed my sentiments better than I could myself.



I agree.  Aunt Bea hit it right on the head, as usual.


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## terry123 (Feb 11, 2019)

I am still friends with my daughter's ex and his mother.  It does not bother my daughter at all.  His mother and I still talk on the phone every now and then.  I send him and his mother birthday and Christmas cards and he always sends me a gift card at Christmas.  It works for us.  He comes by at Christmas and Thanksgiving to visit.  After my stroke 20 years ago he welcomed me into their home and I stayed with them for 3 years until I recovered enough to go back to work and live by myself. He never asked me for a dime. After I recovered enough I tried to keep the laundry done and the kitchen clean for them and watch the grands when they needed me to.  He moved me into my condo when I was well enough to live by myself.  My daughter could not handle his drinking and he did not think he had a problem so they got divorced.  He still drinks and he thinks since he holds down his job he does not have a problem. So as long as he is good to my grands and my daughter I will continue to be friendly with him and his mother.


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## Furryanimal (Feb 11, 2019)

You are quite right.


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## Sassycakes (Feb 11, 2019)

terry123 said:


> I am still friends with my daughter's ex and his mother.  It does not bother my daughter at all.  His mother and I still talk on the phone every now and then.  I send him and his mother birthday and Christmas cards and he always sends me a gift card at Christmas.  It works for us.  He comes by at Christmas and Thanksgiving to visit.  After my stroke 20 years ago he welcomed me into their home and I stayed with them for 3 years until I recovered enough to go back to work and live by myself. He never asked me for a dime. After I recovered enough I tried to keep the laundry done and the kitchen clean for them and watch the grands when they needed me to.  He moved me into my condo when I was well enough to live by myself.  My daughter could not handle his drinking and he did not think he had a problem so they got divorced.  He still drinks and he thinks since he holds down his job he does not have a problem. So as long as he is good to my grands and my daughter I will continue to be friendly with him and his mother.



I think you are doing the right thing. I am also friendly with my ex DIL's Mom and Grandmom.They never say anything bad about my son or the divorce. They both say that we are all still family. They wish there had never been a divorce.


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## Sassycakes (Mar 27, 2019)

Things are still the same with my son's girlfriend and me. She hasn't spoken to me for over a month. Stupid me called her yesterday just to ask how she was doing. She didn't say much and then we hung up. I doubt she will ever change. My exDIL's boyfriend called me today and he said he was giving my exDIL a surprise birthday party in May. He asked if I would mind if he gave people my phone number to respond about the party. He said he would have asked her Mother but her Mother can't be bothered. I said it was fine with me. Now I just have to wait and see how my son's going to handle it. Honestly I am doing what I want and if I get in trouble for it,so be it.


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## gumbud (Mar 27, 2019)

jealous immature curent DIL manipulating your son! stand ya ground girl!


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## SeaBreeze (Mar 27, 2019)

Sassycakes said:


> Things are still the same with my son's girlfriend and me. She hasn't spoken to me for over a month. Stupid me called her yesterday just to ask how she was doing. She didn't say much and then we hung up. I doubt she will ever change. My exDIL's boyfriend called me today and he said he was giving my exDIL a surprise birthday party in May. He asked if I would mind if he gave people my phone number to respond about the party. He said he would have asked her Mother but her Mother can't be bothered. I said it was fine with me. Now I just have to wait and see how my son's going to handle it. Honestly I am doing what I want and if I get in trouble for it,so be it.



Don't call yourself stupid Sassy, you're just a kind person and did what you felt was right, she doesn't deserve your consideration though.  I'm glad you're helping out with the surprise party, if your son can't handle that, it's his problem and his only IMO.  You're a grown stable compassionate woman, you can't 'get in trouble', you're not a naughty child.  Like Gumbud said, stand your ground....you're not in the wrong and shouldn't be apologizing or feeling bad for anything you've done.


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## WhatInThe (Mar 28, 2019)

Pffftttt. I know several people who are on good terms with their children's ex's. Not the kid's business.

One family member has issued a memo shall we say stating that no one is to talk to his ex's or ex friends. Partly to cover up the details of a break up and embarrassment that he hasn't progressed in life they way his friends have. One the other hand to garner allies with in the family he talks about behind your back all the time. And you can tell when you talk to those other family members. So I'm very careful when talking about certain matters. I treat them like a business or political leaker to the press.


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## Sassycakes (Mar 31, 2019)

Yesterday was a much better day. My Son came to visit with his girl friend and finally she was very sweet to me.I hope it continues this way,but I worry it won't especially since I have been invited to my exDIL's birthday party in May. I'll just have to wait and see .what happens then


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## SeaBreeze (Mar 31, 2019)

Nice if she remains sweet to you Sassy, but don't be disappointed if it fades.  Being nice and sweet should come from the heart, so it's there naturally all the time.  If she's not nice to you, it's her loss, you shouldn't give it too much thought where it affects your happiness and peace of mind. :girl_hug:


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## WhatInThe (Mar 31, 2019)

SeaBreeze said:


> Nice if she remains sweet to you Sassy, but don't be disappointed if it fades.  Being nice and sweet should come from the heart, so it's there naturally all the time.  If she's not nice to you, it's her loss, you shouldn't give it too much thought where it affects your happiness and peace of mind. :girl_hug:



Excellent point SB, it comes naturally from the heart.

 Some look at communication of anykind as perfunctory which is ok per say but when someone calls out of the blue right before or after they seem to want something that should raise eyebrows. I would look at this particular relationship as a bonus, nothing to lose. It will evolve even more or crash.


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## Catlady (Apr 1, 2019)

If you love your ex DIL and get along with her and she's good to you, don't let your son and girlfriend make you dump her.  His girlfriend sounds like she has issues and if he leaves her now or after marriage, you will have lost a great relationship for nothing.  Like you and others have said, he's the one that divorced her, not you.  In that situation, it's best not to discuss one with the other, that is the only rule you should follow.


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## Sassycakes (Apr 5, 2019)

PVC said:


> If you love your ex DIL and get along with her and she's good to you, don't let your son and girlfriend make you dump her.  His girlfriend sounds like she has issues and if he leaves her now or after marriage, you will have lost a great relationship for nothing.  Like you and others have said, he's the one that divorced her, not you.  In that situation, it's best not to discuss one with the other, that is the only rule you should follow.




Thank you for your good reply. I do love my exDIL and I never want to hurt her. I've tried to be very nice to my son's new girlfriend but again last night my son and her both did something to annoy me.My daughters little girl was in a school play and my daughter invited my son and his girlfriend. She even bought their tickets for them.Right before we left for the play my son texted my daughter and said he was sorry they couldn't make it because his girlfriend was tired and wanted to stay home. 1st of all he should have called and not texted and 2nd they live close to my daughter and he could have come alone to see the play. It was only an hour long so he wouldn't be gone too long.Now I am very upset and annoyed.


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## Sassycakes (Jun 21, 2019)

Well things aren't getting any better,as a matter of fact they are getting worse. Last week my Son's oldest boy graduated from College. My exDIL gave him a graduation party. She invited my son and his girlfriend. They didn't respond until the last minute. When they showed up my son's girl friend didn't even speak to me. My son came and gave me a kiss but didn't spend much time with me. We were at the same table but neither of them spoke to me through out the night. The next night my husband was getting an award for running a civic group in our neighborhood. My Son didn't show up. I just don't know what to do about this situation any more .My husband and I have always been there for both of them. I think I am done trying and now it's up to my son to make amends to me ,his Dad and my daughter.


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## AZ Jim (Jun 21, 2019)

Good Cal Sassy....Let them do a little self reflection...


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## Catlady (Jun 21, 2019)

Sassycakes said:


> Well things aren't getting any better,as a matter of fact they are getting worse. Last week my Son's oldest boy graduated from College. My exDIL gave him a graduation party. She invited my son and his girlfriend. They didn't respond until the last minute. When they showed up my son's girl friend didn't even speak to me. My son came and gave me a kiss but didn't spend much time with me. We were at the same table but neither of them spoke to me through out the night. The next night my husband was getting an award for running a civic group in our neighborhood. My Son didn't show up. I just don't know what to do about this situation any more .My husband and I have always been there for both of them. I think I am done trying and now it's up to my son to make amends to me ,his Dad and my daughter.



As long as he's with that woman, you might as well give up on him.  She seems to have a hold on him and is estranging him from all other relationships.  I'm hoping you're still friends with your ex-DIL, not worth losing her friendship for the sake of your son and his evil GF.  Maybe he'll eventually break up with her and then you can repair your relationship with him.


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## C'est Moi (Jun 21, 2019)

PVC said:


> As long as he's with that woman, you might as well give up on him.  She seems to have a hold on him and is estranging him from all other relationships.  I'm hoping you're still friends with your ex-DIL, not worth losing her friendship for the sake of your son and his evil GF.  Maybe he'll eventually break up with her and then you can repair your relationship with him.



This is true, but if he can be estranged from his own family that easily then the GF isn't the only one at fault.   Apparently he's a willing participant.

I'd just do my thing and let them do theirs.   No need fretting over a situation that you can't control, Sassy.


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## win231 (Jun 21, 2019)

Your son's ex may have hurt him in ways you're not aware of.

When my ex wife (deceased 2 years ago) was terminally ill, a mutual friend of ours suggested I visit her.  When I said I wouldn't, he said I was being mean.  But after I explained what she did to me (much worse than just cheating on me), he said, "Wow, now I understand; you're not mean at all; I wouldn't have anything to do with her, either."

Your son may not have shared everything about their marriage; it wouldn't have been necessary.


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## Sassycakes (Jun 21, 2019)

win231 said:


> Your son's ex may have hurt him in ways you're not aware of.
> 
> When my ex wife (deceased 2 years ago) was terminally ill, a mutual friend of ours suggested I visit her.  When I said I wouldn't, he said I was being mean.  But after I explained what she did to me (much worse than just cheating on me), he said, "Wow, now I understand; you're not mean at all; I wouldn't have anything to do with her, either."
> 
> Your son may not have shared everything about their marriage; it wouldn't have been necessary.




I know my exDIL was very hard to deal with. She was always insulting my 
son with whatever he did. If he painted a wall she picked on him,if he went to a Dr's appointment with her she said she would have done better if a monkey had taken her. He worked 2 jobs so she could stay own with their son's but she didn't appreciate it. She did a lot of cruel things.but I wish the divorce would have gone better for my grandson's sake. 
She had a horrible childhood , Her Mom was married and divorced 4x's. She never knew her father and her life wasn't easy. I still feel sorry for the life she lead,but I won't take things out on my grandson's. My Son should understand that and be happy we are there for the boys.I accepted his girlfriend and her son's. I just wish my Son could see the truth about why I still talk to his ex.


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## win231 (Jun 21, 2019)

Sassycakes said:


> I know my exDIL was very hard to deal with. She was always insulting my
> son with whatever he did. If he painted a wall she picked on him,if he went to a Dr's appointment with her she said she would have done better if a monkey had taken her. He worked 2 jobs so she could stay own with their son's but she didn't appreciate it. She did a lot of cruel things.but I wish the divorce would have gone better for my grandson's sake.
> She had a horrible childhood , Her Mom was married and divorced 4x's. She never knew her father and her life wasn't easy. I still feel sorry for the life she lead,but I won't take things out on my grandson's. My Son should understand that and be happy we are there for the boys.I accepted his girlfriend and her son's. I just wish my Son could see the truth about why I still talk to his ex.



My God!  Worse than I thought!  But...it's amazing that I got her number so quickly.  She's lucky she wasn't married to ME...but then, I wouldn't have gone on a 2nd date.

Does you son have self esteem issues?  That's frequently the reason men are attracted to man haters; they feel lucky to be with anyone & they feel they don't deserve any better treatment.  That was the case with my father; he married an abusive, raging witch & he did whatever he could to keep her - including letting her abuse his kids.

Re:  "Horrible childhood,"  So did I, but sooner or later we become adults & learn to make the best of it.  That doesn't mean it has no effect on you, but I wouldn't take it out on someone I'm supposed to love - like a spouse.

Easy to see why your son feels betrayed; it's like a neon sign.


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## terry123 (Jun 21, 2019)

C'est Moi said:


> This is true, but if he can be estranged from his own family that easily then the GF isn't the only one at fault.   Apparently he's a willing participant.
> 
> I'd just do my thing and let them do theirs.   No need fretting over a situation that you can't control, Sassy.


 Good advice!!


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## Sassycakes (Jun 21, 2019)

win231 said:


> My God!  Worse than I thought!  But...it's amazing that I got her number so quickly.  She's lucky she wasn't married to ME...but then, I wouldn't have gone on a 2nd date.
> 
> Does you son have self esteem issues?  That's frequently the reason men are attracted to man haters; they feel lucky to be with anyone & they feel they don't deserve any better treatment.  That was the case with my father; he married an abusive, raging witch & he did whatever he could to keep her - including letting her abuse his kids.
> 
> ...



I never thought he had self esteem issues. He was very popular with the girls and had a lot of girlfriends before he met her.Thinking about it now  She more than likely gave him self esteem issues. I never thought of that and I just hope and pray that he gets closer to us again.


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## Catlady (Jun 21, 2019)

Sassycakes said:


> I know my exDIL was very hard to deal with. She was always insulting my
> son with whatever he did. If he painted a wall she picked on him,if he went to a Dr's appointment with her she said she would have done better if a monkey had taken her. He worked 2 jobs so she could stay own with their son's but she didn't appreciate it. She did a lot of cruel things.but I wish the divorce would have gone better for my grandson's sake.
> She had a horrible childhood , Her Mom was married and divorced 4x's. She never knew her father and her life wasn't easy. I still feel sorry for the life she lead,but I won't take things out on my grandson's. My Son should understand that and be happy we are there for the boys.I accepted his girlfriend and her son's. I just wish my Son could see the truth about why I still talk to his ex.



Oh my, I was under the impression that you loved your DIL because she was good, but she also sounds like a  barracuda.  I can now understand why your son resents you for being friends with her and loving her.  Of course, he seems like the type that picks the wrong women and lets them dominate him.  Maybe his GF treats him better than the ex and that is why he stays with her?  Is your DIL now remarried or in a relationship, how does she treat the new guy?


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## Sassycakes (Jun 21, 2019)

PVC said:


> Oh my, I was under the impression that you loved your DIL because she was good, but she also sounds like a  barracuda.  I can now understand why your son resents you for being friends with her and loving her.  Of course, he seems like the type that picks the wrong women and lets them dominate him.  Maybe his GF treats him better than the ex and that is why he stays with her?  Is your DIL now remarried or in a relationship, how does she treat the new guy?



My exDIL is in a relationship with a nice guy,but it's funny she treats him the same way she treated my son. I don't mind him being around my grandsons,because he is good to them and very respectful to me and my husband. I do love my exDIL because she is a good mother to my grandson's and I have always felt sorry for the way she was raised.


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## win231 (Jun 21, 2019)

Sassycakes said:


> My exDIL is in a relationship with a nice guy,but it's funny she treats him the same way she treated my son. I don't mind him being around my grandsons,because he is good to them and very respectful to me and my husband. I do love my exDIL because she is a good mother to my grandson's and I have always felt sorry for the way she was raised.



Women like that rarely make good parents.  Abusers abuse everyone who gets close to them.  I'd bet that if you had more knowledge of what kind of mother she really was, you'd be shocked.

Guess what people said about my mother?  "Ooooh, she's adorable.  She's charming.  She's lovely."  Abusers are frequently very nice....to outsiders.


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## SeaBreeze (Jun 21, 2019)

Sassycakes said:


> When they showed up my son's girl friend didn't even speak to me. My son came and gave me a kiss but didn't spend much time with me. We were at the same table but neither of them spoke to me through out the night. The next night my husband was getting an award for running a civic group in our neighborhood. My Son didn't show up. I just don't know what to do about this situation any more .My husband and I have always been there for both of them. I think I am done trying and now it's up to my son to make amends to me ,his Dad and my daughter.



Sassy, you've done all you could and I agree that you shouldn't stress so much about it and just leave it up to your son to wake up and do the right thing.  His girlfriend doesn't seem like a very nice person, rude and selfish it appears.  She has a big influence on him and it's negative, until he dumps her things will be the same, women can be very controlling sometimes.  I know it must hurt, you're a good person and very sensitive and empathetic to others, you don't deserve this.


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## Sassycakes (Jun 22, 2019)

SeaBreeze said:


> Sassy, you've done all you could and I agree that you shouldn't stress so much about it and just leave it up to your son to wake up and do the right thing.  His girlfriend doesn't seem like a very nice person, rude and selfish it appears.  She has a big influence on him and it's negative, until he dumps her things will be the same, women can be very controlling sometimes.  I know it must hurt, you're a good person and very sensitive and empathetic to others, you don't deserve this.




Thank you Seabreeze for your comment. I believe you are right about my son's girlfriend. My daughter told me just last night that a few weeks ago she had called my son's girlfriend to see how she was feeling because we had heard she had a fever. My daughter said that the Girlfriend answered her very fresh and said to my daughter "What are you afraid of,that I'll give my cold to your Brother ?" I don't think there is anything I can do to change things only my son can,so now the problem is his.


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## 911 (Jun 22, 2019)

I don’t normally give advice on such topics, but it’s kind of obvious to me that your son may be with his girlfriend for reasons other than love; maybe money, maybe sex, who knows? Sure, it could actually be love, but if this girl is as self-centered as she seems, then I doubt it. 

Sooner or later, he’s going to see what his relationship with his girlfriend is doing to the relationship with his family. I don’t know of any son that won’t take his mother’s side if a girlfriend tries to come between the two. 

Just be patient. The hammer will fall sooner or later.


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## SeaBreeze (Jun 22, 2019)

Sassycakes said:


> My daughter told me just last night that a few weeks ago she had called my son's girlfriend to see how she was feeling because we had heard she had a fever. My daughter said that the Girlfriend answered her very fresh and said to my daughter "What are you afraid of,that I'll give my cold to your Brother ?"



The problem with her is pretty obvious Sassy.  She's jealous of any other women who are in your son's life, that causes her to lash out and be overly protective of him and defensive.  This one has some serious "issues" to say the least.  For your son's sake, I hope he sees the light and shows her the door before it's too late.  Don't take anything she says or does personally, it's not you, it's your gender.


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## Sassycakes (Jun 26, 2019)

I can't believe my son called me today. Honestly I was shocked. I was even more shocked when he apologized for the way he has been acting towards me. He said his girlfriend was really hurt over my relationship with his exwife. He said he finally exploded with her last night. He told her if she was rude to me anymore he was done with her. He said he was so very sorry he made it last so long before he finally confronted her and threatened to leave her. He said nothing like what has been going on will never happen again. He told me how much he loved me what a wonderful Mother I have always been and really likes the fact that I am doing what I am doing to be close to his 2 sons. This call today meant the world to me.


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## RadishRose (Jun 26, 2019)

:bighug:


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## 911 (Jun 26, 2019)

Sassycakes said:


> I can't believe my son called me today. Honestly I was shocked. I was even more shocked when he apologized for the way he has been acting towards me. He said his girlfriend was really hurt over my relationship with his exwife. He said he finally exploded with her last night. He told her if she was rude to me anymore he was done with her. He said he was so very sorry he made it last so long before he finally confronted her and threatened to leave her. He said nothing like what has been going on will never happen again. He told me how much he loved me what a wonderful Mother I have always been and really likes the fact that I am doing what I am doing to be close to his 2 sons. This call today meant the world to me.




Like I wrote in post 47, a son will not allow a girlfriend to come between him and his mom. It just does not happen, except maybe on a rare occasion. I've seen this happen over and over.


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## Sassycakes (Jun 26, 2019)

911 said:


> Like I wrote in post 47, a son will not allow a girlfriend to come between him and his mom. It just does not happen, except maybe on a rare occasion. I've seen this happen over and over.




That's what disturbed me the most. That he would let anyone come between the family. He made me feel so much better after his call. Today he became the son I always knew.


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## Keesha (Jun 26, 2019)

Congratulations Sassycakes. You’re a really sweet person and deserve this.


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## OneEyedDiva (Jul 7, 2019)

I'm glad your son came to his senses and read his GF the riot act. I know I'm late responding to the original question but I don't think you should have to feel obligated to forsake your ex-DIL or guilty about your relationship with her. I agree that his GF is spoiled, manipulating and doesn't sound like a good person at all.


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