# As a Grandparent, a Pet Peeve



## Jules (Sep 11, 2020)

Do you disagree with a minor way your kids raise their kids?  

This mainly applies to the little ones. My peeve is the buying them things they ask for in the store.  Every store.  If you say no, mean it.  They don’t need a treat every time they go shopping.  

If they’re going somewhere and the GK is told to eat before going and they won’t be stopping for food, mean it.  

I keep my mouth and my wallet shut.  

I’m not saying I won’t buy them things, just don’t ask for them.


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## Pepper (Sep 11, 2020)

Geez.


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## oldman (Sep 12, 2020)

Sometimes it is really hard to say no. I won't pay for stuff just because they think they have to have it, like a video game, but if I can see some worth to what they are asking for, then maybe. 

My daughter is pretty loose with her money, but my son is the opposite.


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## Aunt Marg (Sep 12, 2020)

Jules said:


> Do you disagree with a minor way your kids raise their kids?
> 
> This mainly applies to the little ones. My peeve is the buying them things they ask for in the store.  Every store.  If you say no, mean it.  They don’t need a treat every time they go shopping.
> 
> ...


I remember when my kids were young, how sometimes they'd fuss over me not buying them a treat or something special while we were out and about, and I'd say to them, "treats and surprises aren't something that we get every time we leave the house, because"... and then I'd explain to them why.

For the most part my children were good, but on the occasion when they'd raise a stink, I'd tell them, "would you rather be out with mommy today, or would you rather be home with a babysitter", and that was usually enough to end their fussing.

As for saying "no", when I said no, I meant it, and I stuck to it. I don't think many kids experience that today.


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## oldman (Sep 12, 2020)

Aunt Marg said:


> I remember when my kids were young, how sometimes they'd fuss over me not buying them a treat or something special while we were out and about, and I'd say to them, "treats and surprises aren't something that we get every time we leave the house, because"... and then I'd explain to them why.
> 
> For the most part my children were good, but on the occasion when they'd raise a stink, I'd tell them, "would you rather be out with mommy today, or would you rather be home with a babysitter", and that was usually enough to end their fussing.
> 
> As for saying "no", when I said no, I meant it, and I stuck to it. I don't think many kids experience that today.


I do agree that saying no should mean no.


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## Aunt Marg (Sep 12, 2020)

oldman said:


> I do agree that saying no should mean no.


I couldn't agree more.


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## tbeltrans (Sep 12, 2020)

Ever notice, during the holiday season, how ads for toys are directed at the kids with the express intention of getting them to put pressure on the parents to buy the thing?

Then we have the ads for all manner of pills, and these ads are directed at adults with the express intention of getting them to put pressure on their doctors to prescribe these things?

Everywhere we go, somebody is hawking something for sale and using any leverage possible to close the sale.  It has become a constant barrage.  There are people who are paid a lot of money to figure us out so as to be that much more effective at getting us to part with our money.

Since I don't have kids, and therefore no grand kids, I can't say what I would do under that sort of pressure, but it certainly can't be any fun and I don't envy those constantly placed in that position.

Tony


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## Pinky (Sep 12, 2020)

When toy ads came on television when our daughter was little, we'd ask "do you want that?", she'd always says "no, thank you". She had her boy cousins hand-me-downs that she was very happy with. I think books were her favourite gifts. On birthdays and Xmas, we always phoned her grandparents and aunt to thank them for their presents. As a kid, I was taught to send a thank-you note to acknowledge gifts. I think etiquette is important to teach children, though I'm not a grandparent.

Our mother taught us proper manners, and they stuck


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## Aunt Marg (Sep 12, 2020)

tbeltrans said:


> Ever notice, during the holiday season, how ads for toys are directed at the kids with the express intention of getting them to put pressure on the parents to buy the thing?
> 
> Then we have the ads for all manner of pills, and these ads are directed at adults with the express intention of getting them to put pressure on their doctors to prescribe these things?
> 
> ...


You're right, marketing has definitely become much more aggressive today than ever before.

We reside in a world where push, push, push... pressure, pressure, pressure, seems to be the new wave of drawing consumers in, and judging by statistics that reflect the ballooning household debt we're witnessing today, the push and pressure style of marketing is working.


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## jujube (Sep 12, 2020)

I'm a push-over when it comes to the grandkids and greatgrandkids.  They're good kids who don't ask for much.   When they do, Meemaw usually comes through.  It's as much fun for me as it is for them.  Grandkids are God's reward to us for letting our own kids live to reach adulthood.....LOL.


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## Rosemarie (Sep 12, 2020)

Start when they are young. Make rules and stick to them. When I had to go shopping with my small children, they knew that there was no point nattering for things because they simply wouldn't get them. 
When they were a little older and started getting pocket-money, they got a set amount but if they wanted more, they had to earn it by doing some chores for me.


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## Autumn (Sep 12, 2020)

My nephew has a 4 year old daughter, and I went shopping with them a couple weeks ago.  Jane saw some hair scrunchies that she really liked, and I was amazed to hear her ask her dad, "Papi, can we afford for me to have these?"  They had a discussion about the price, the value, and decided that she could have the hair scrunchies if she was willing to skip the small bag of Sun Chips she wanted as a treat.  She was happy with that.

I asked him about it afterwards, and he said he was trying to teach her the value of money and how to make good choices.  Also, that none of us can have every single thing we want.  It was so nice to see a child behaving that way, instead of wailing and demanding.  My nephew is a single dad, and I think he's doing a pretty amazing job.


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## Gary O' (Sep 12, 2020)

jujube said:


> I'm a push-over when it comes to the grandkids and greatgrandkids. They're good kids who don't ask for much. When they do, Meemaw usually comes through. It's as much fun for me as it is for them. Grandkids are God's reward to us for letting our own kids live to reach adulthood.....LOL.


I coulda wrote this

'cept I'm Papaw, not Meemaw


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## JustBonee (Sep 12, 2020)

Jules said:


> *Do you disagree with a minor way your kids raise their kids?*




Rule 1 for myself    ....  stay out of the way when it comes to grandkids rearing ...   I feel my three  kids are responsible adults,   and I fully support anything they say/do   when it comes to raising their kids.    

And never become a buffer in the middle,   and make for confusion ...   that will put you on the outside, looking in!


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## Jules (Sep 12, 2020)

I say nothing to the parents.  They’re not along on the shopping trips.  If the GKs ask for things, the answer is no or I just ignore them.  No other comments, there or later.


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## Kayelle (Sep 14, 2020)

Autumn said:


> My nephew has a 4 year old daughter, and I went shopping with them a couple weeks ago.  Jane saw some hair scrunchies that she really liked, and I was amazed to hear her ask her dad, "Papi, can we afford for me to have these?"  They had a discussion about the price, the value, and decided that she could have the hair scrunchies if she was willing to skip the small bag of Sun Chips she wanted as a treat.  She was happy with that.
> 
> I asked him about it afterwards, and he said he was trying to teach her the value of money and how to make good choices.  Also, that none of us can have every single thing we want.  It was so nice to see a child behaving that way, instead of wailing and demanding.  My nephew is a single dad, and I think he's doing a pretty amazing job.



It seems to me that your nephew is doing a *terrific *job Autumn!! I really enjoyed the sharing of this with us... Please tell him all these old Grandparents are giving him an "Atta Boy!"


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## Don M. (Sep 14, 2020)

Our kids and grandkids are all responsible adults, and the great grandkids are being properly raised, from what I see.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Sep 14, 2020)

My pet peeve as a grandparent is g'kids not bothering to extend acknowledgement of receipt and thanks for a gift. It _really_ ticks me off. The littles can draw a picture for parents to email or snail mail. The older ones can send a hand-written thank you or an email. 

I'm not on FB, so it's "inconvenient" for them to thank me. What? Time to quit bothering!


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## Aunt Marg (Sep 14, 2020)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> *My pet peeve as a grandparent is g'kids not bothering to extend acknowledgement of receipt and thanks for a gift.* It _really_ ticks me off. The littles can draw a picture for parents to email or snail mail. The older ones can send a hand-written thank you or an email.
> 
> I'm not on FB, so it's "inconvenient" for them to thank me. What? Time to quit bothering!


Thank you, for mentioning this, Georgia!


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## GeorgiaXplant (Sep 14, 2020)

The most recent? 18-year-old grandson who just graduated from high school. Kids from the class of 2020 really had a bad time of it...no prom, no graduation, nothing special. I sent a card and a generous cash gift. Very generous. Not walking around change to me. Apparently, it was small potatoes to him. Can you see the steam and flames and smoke coming from my nose and ears?


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## Aunt Marg (Sep 14, 2020)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> The most recent? 18-year-old grandson who just graduated from high school. Kids from the class of 2020 really had a bad time of it...no prom, no graduation, nothing special. I sent a card and a generous cash gift. Very generous. Not walking around change to me. Apparently, it was small potatoes to him. Can you see the steam and flames and smoke coming from my nose and ears?


I feel for you, Georgia.

Seems I come across these types of stories regularly, and it tells me that the simple teachings of yesteryear have become all but non-existent today.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Sep 14, 2020)

Aunt Marg said:


> I feel for you, Georgia.
> 
> Seems I come across these types of stories regularly, and it tells me that the simple teachings of yesteryear have become all but non-existent today.


Thing is that their parents taught them well. When they were littles, the thank you's were in the mail or email the same day or the day after being received. I dunno what happened, but the parents are now just as negligent as the kids.  The times may be changing, but it surely doesn't seem like they're changing for the better!


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## Aunt Marg (Sep 14, 2020)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> Thing is that their parents taught them well. When they were littles, the thank you's were in the mail or email the same day or the day after being received. I dunno what happened, but the parents are now just as negligent as the kids.  *The times may be changing, but it surely doesn't seem like they're changing for the better!*


I second that.


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## Pepper (Sep 14, 2020)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> My pet peeve as a grandparent is g'kids not bothering to extend acknowledgement of receipt and thanks for a gift. It _really_ ticks me off. The littles can draw a picture for parents to email or snail mail. The older ones can send a hand-written thank you or an email.
> 
> I'm not on FB, so it's "inconvenient" for them to thank me. What? Time to quit bothering!


I would blame the parents, not the kids, in these situations.


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## Aunt Marg (Sep 14, 2020)

Pepper said:


> I would blame the parents, not the kids, in these situations.


I'm with you on that, Pepper, but by age 18, one would think dear grandson would know better.

I can honestly say, if he were my grandson, he'd sure get one heck of an ear-full.


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## hellomimi (Sep 14, 2020)

I dont have GKs to spoil yet but when my son was in grade school and younger, we trained him that he can't grab anything at the store that we'd buy atm. He tried once and threw a fit right there. His dad and I just took him outside until he calmed down. While it took sometime for him to calm down, it was a teaching moment for him that he won't get his way by throwing a fit to pressure us. NOT me, NOT his dad. From then on. he learned the rule quickly.


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## Pinky (Sep 14, 2020)

My daughter loved books .. so, every time I took her grocery shopping with me, I would sit her inside the cart & give her one of her favourite books. Sometimes, we would stop at the section where they had children's books, and occasionally I would buy her one. She rarely asked for candy, though she liked those PEZ thingies.


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## Keesha (Sep 14, 2020)

Autumn said:


> My nephew has a 4 year old daughter, and I went shopping with them a couple weeks ago.  Jane saw some hair scrunchies that she really liked, and I was amazed to hear her ask her dad, "Papi, can we afford for me to have these?"  They had a discussion about the price, the value, and decided that she could have the hair scrunchies if she was willing to skip the small bag of Sun Chips she wanted as a treat.  She was happy with that.
> 
> I asked him about it afterwards, and he said he was trying to teach her the value of money and how to make good choices.  Also, that none of us can have every single thing we want.  It was so nice to see a child behaving that way, instead of wailing and demanding.  My nephew is a single dad, and I think he's doing a pretty amazing job.


I’m not a parent and clearly not a grandparent either but this sounds like smart parenting. Teaching the kids the value of money while out shopping so they are involved in the decisions is great. They get to be part of the decision making. Being part of the solution helps make them aware that THEIR choices matter.


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## old medic (Sep 15, 2020)

Our Grandson would start in with wanting something, 
No....
He start throwing a fit...
NO
Fit continues... and swatted hit butt and we left the store with him empty handed and crying....
Hes at 8 and haven't had that issue with him in years.....
But for some reason his parents still do??????


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## GeorgiaXplant (Sep 15, 2020)

I just had _the_ most brilliant idea! How about at Christmas this year I try again with sending a check for the whole family. Enclosed in the card with the check will be a self-addressed, stamped, thank you note. All they will have to do is sign it.


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## Aunt Marg (Sep 15, 2020)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> I just had _the_ most brilliant idea! How about at Christmas this year I try again with sending a check for the whole family. Enclosed in the card with the check will be a self-addressed, stamped, thank you note. All they will have to do is sign it.


I gave a laugh, Georgia, even though it's not funny.

Sad to think that a simple picking up of a telephone to extend a thank you to someone, can prove to be so difficult for some.

We have family that have cut nieces and nephews out of their will, account not being appreciated and taken for granted.


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## jimbowho (Sep 15, 2020)

I was near a lady in a market when her kid was having a fit, she said to him in a firm tone, I WILL NOT REWARD YOU FOR BAD BEHAVIOR. I complemented her, she thought I was being condescending, I felt bad for her and left it alone but kept it in my memory bank.


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## Aunt Marg (Sep 15, 2020)

jimbowho said:


> I was near a lady in a market when her kid was having a fit, she said to him in a firm tone, I WILL NOT REWARD YOU FOR BAD BEHAVIOR. I complemented her, she thought I was being condescending, I felt bad for her and left it alone but kept it in my memory bank.


How unfortunate the woman failed to absorb the jest of your compliment. 

Nonetheless, kudos to you for noticing a little good old-fashioned proper parenting skills, something that seems to be going more and more by wayside today.


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## Phoenix (Sep 15, 2020)

Pepper said:


> I would blame the parents, not the kids, in these situations.


My husband taught his kids right.  What they do and what their kids do is on them not on him.


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## Jules (Sep 15, 2020)

With texting, it takes no effort to send a thank you.  They spend hours every day doing it with their friends.  

A few words show that they care.


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## Butterfly (Sep 15, 2020)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> I just had _the_ most brilliant idea! How about at Christmas this year I try again with sending a check for the whole family. Enclosed in the card with the check will be a self-addressed, stamped, thank you note. All they will have to do is sign it.



If nobody ever even bothers to say thank you, I don't think I'd be sending any more checks.  I'm kind of an old poop about stuff like this.


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## Phoenix (Sep 15, 2020)

Everyone always has the option of not giving presents.  My husband and I don't give gifts to the kids and grand kids.   None of them say thank you.


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## Pepper (Sep 15, 2020)

When my nephews didn't thank me for a birthday, etc. gift I would say "Now say Thank You" in a humorous and sarcastic way and they did.  Sometimes you must confront it.


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## Phoenix (Sep 15, 2020)

Pepper said:


> When my nephews didn't thank me for a birthday, etc. gift I would say "Now say Thank You" in a humorous and sarcastic way and they did.  Sometimes you must confront it.


If I have to prod someone into thanking me, I stop giving them stuff.  A forced thank you does not mean they are grateful.


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