# Multigenerational Living, Is It For You?



## hiraeth2018 (Dec 8, 2018)

A retiree's decision to live by themselves might just come down to dollars... in the Portland, Oregon area a one bedroom apartment can be as high as $1,300/mo. Social Security will only take us so far without an unlimited source of disposable income. Help with housing can be a very long wait for seniors. I retired at 62 and downsized due to death of husband, but not debt free. Still more outgoing expenses than disposable income. 

Today... I have one daughter, her boyfriend, one granddaughter who is 6 and another baby on the way living with me. I have the upstairs while I can still climb the stairs (bedroom, bathroom and small living space). The rest of the family has the main floor 2 bedrooms, living room, kitchen and bathroom. We have successfully lived this way for almost 2 years.

After a learning curve quality of life is better for all and we each have a closer relationship because of it.

Would this be for you?


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## RadishRose (Dec 8, 2018)

Provided there is room and fair sharing of expenses I would like it. Having no brothers or sisters and only one child can make one hungry for family. I also think it is a natural way for humans to live. Doesn't always work out tho'.


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## hiraeth2018 (Dec 8, 2018)

RadishRose said:


> Provided there is room and fair sharing of expenses I would like it. Having no brothers or sisters and only one child can make one hungry for family. I also think it is a natural way for humans to live. Doesn't always work out tho'.



RadishRose, our house will be busting through the seams come spring... my daughter and I do have a close relationship but we still butt heads now and then. For now we want it bad enough to make the compromises and let anyone feel "used".


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## Aunt Bea (Dec 8, 2018)

I'm glad that it works for you and your family but I'm afraid that it wouldn't work for me.

I would always be wondering when I should stick my nose in and when I should turn up my television or when I was part of the family and when I should disappear, etc...

I'll take my chances with a little apartment and a medical alert pendant!


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## hollydolly (Dec 8, 2018)

I'd love to have the extended family living with me, but tbh I couldn't cope with small children, so your situation wouldn't work for me at all , Hiraeth...but older kids I'd be ok with,  I'd like them to keep me young..lol


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## twinkles (Dec 8, 2018)

no i dont like the idea living with family---i have to work arround their schedule so that puts me behind in what i want to do----so i find myself wasting a lot of time


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## Ellejay (Dec 8, 2018)

I live alone and prefer it that way. I lived with others all my life until I was 61. (I'm now 66.) This solitude is such a blessing. I am so grateful for it. I don't want to live with one of my children/grandchildren. I moved to North Idaho to live near my daughter and her family - but not next door. It takes about 1/2 hour to get to where they live. That's about perfect.


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## Gary O' (Dec 8, 2018)

RadishRose said:


> Provided there is room and fair sharing of expenses


And that's the factor

I've done it

Europeans have done it for centuries

I can do it

But I'm spoiled now

It's just another reason we live in a tiny cabin

So, no
It's not for me


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## treeguy64 (Dec 8, 2018)

No way I'd do it. I'd rather live alone, if my LTR should be out of my life, for whatever reason. Also, I'd be unable to look the other way,  as my daughter prepared to have an illegitimate child.


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## Butterfly (Dec 8, 2018)

I could not do it.  I am too used to doing things when and how I want.


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## Pappy (Dec 9, 2018)

A resounding no. Mom and me have been together, alone, for so long, it just wouldn’t work out.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Dec 9, 2018)

Works for us, but I have my own quarters with a separate entrance, full kitchen, bath, sitting room and bedroom. And my own cat. There are still times, though, when I wish there were more between us than the interior door between my place and the back hall of theirs. The sturm und drang between teens/parents has a way of sometimes bleeding over into my little hovel. Still, I'm glad to have a roof over my head. There's no way on God's green earth I could afford an apartment equivalent to this, so it was money well spent to have it built.


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## hiraeth2018 (Dec 9, 2018)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> Works for us, but I have my own quarters with a separate entrance, full kitchen, bath, sitting room and bedroom. And my own cat. There are still times, though, when I wish there were more between us than the interior door between my place and the back hall of theirs. The sturm und drang between teens/parents has a way of sometimes bleeding over into my little hovel. Still, I'm glad to have a roof over my head. There's no way on God's green earth I could afford an apartment equivalent to this, so it was money well spent to have it built.



GeorgiaXplant, I'm glad for the most part it's working for you... I dread the day my granddaughter turn 12-13... I came close to sending my daughter to her dads at that age. In the big picture I believe all children and any age need positive role models in their lives so be patient with them.


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## GeorgiaXplant (Dec 9, 2018)

Ha! The way I'm patient with them is to mind my own business and bite my tongue. Tongue is getting to look like a sieve!


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## RadishRose (Dec 9, 2018)

GeorgiaXplant said:


> Ha! The way I'm patient with them is to mind my own business and bite my tongue. Tongue is getting to look like a sieve!



You have the ideal living arrangement, Georgia; your own apartment but still near family. As for the "sturm und drang", it would be annoying, but that's what pillows are for- screaming into, in order to shut one's mouth and mind one's own beeswax.  Not easy, but the advantages far outweigh keeping quiet, IMHO.


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## C'est Moi (Dec 9, 2018)

Nope; not for me.   I love my kids and grandkids, but it's nice that they are all own their own and self-sufficient now.   If any of them needed a temporary place to regroup, they would certainly be welcome to stay here on a temporary basis.   

I have no intention of ever moving in with any of our children, but life has a way of getting the last laugh.


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## Aunt Bea (Dec 9, 2018)

C'est Moi said:


> Nope; not for me.   I love my kids and grandkids, but it's nice that they are all own their own and self-sufficient now.   If any of them needed a temporary place to regroup, they would certainly be welcome to stay here on a temporary basis.
> 
> I have no intention of ever moving in with any of our children, but *life has a way of getting the last laugh.*



Ain't that the truth!


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## MeAgain (Jan 1, 2019)

I hope we can live alone till death do us part. don't want to be with any of our kids. I feel they would be too controlling.
We discuss what to do often about staying put or a senior community but that would also be a hassle,since many would want to rule over the others. Or expect others ot take up their care or duties.


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## OneEyedDiva (Jan 11, 2019)

I did the multigenerational thing for a year or so, I believe it was a little more than 10 years ago. My son and his then significant other and their two small children had to move from their apartment because the house was sold. I let them move in here. I can't even remember if I took rent from them since both of them constantly struggled to keep their heads above water.  His S.O., now ex, who is the mother of my two youngest grandchildren (now 14 & soon to be 16) is wonderful. I love her like I birthed her myself. She, however had a lot of serious health issues and it has always amazed me how she managed to work and take care of the children, being an excellent mother at that, when she was in and out of the hospital so often.  I was retired at the time and having them here helped her in that regard. It helped me as well because she likes to cook, I don't and she often did the cooking. We remain close to this day; she even has a good relationship with my son (still) and his wife. She came by three nights ago to take me to Costco even though she had gotten up at 3:30 a.m., worked all day and was admittedly tired.  She called and said she was outside my door and if I wanted to go, she'd take me.  So we and the grandchildren went and had a good time. Bonus...my grands carried the packages inside...willingly and lovingly.  LOL


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## bearcat (Mar 19, 2020)

hiraeth2018 said:


> A retiree's decision to live by themselves might just come down to dollars... in the Portland, Oregon area a one bedroom apartment can be as high as $1,300/mo. Social Security will only take us so far without an unlimited source of disposable income. Help with housing can be a very long wait for seniors. I retired at 62 and downsized due to death of husband, but not debt free. Still more outgoing expenses than disposable income.
> 
> Today... I have one daughter, her boyfriend, one granddaughter who is 6 and another baby on the way living with me. I have the upstairs while I can still climb the stairs (bedroom, bathroom and small living space). The rest of the family has the main floor 2 bedrooms, living room, kitchen and bathroom. We have successfully lived this way for almost 2 years.
> 
> ...



It always struck me as common sense that three generations should share a household.
Busy working parents need help with child care.
Children can never get enough attention.
Grandparents get to feel useful and respected.
Useful values get passed on, and the older ones are compelled to accept
the value of new things.
The difficulty in America is that everyone is spoiled rotten. So much independence and self centeredness. Hard to make this work.


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## Gaer (Mar 20, 2020)

hiraeth2018 said:


> GeorgiaXplant, I'm glad for the most part it's working for you... I dread the day my granddaughter turn 12-13... I came close to sending my daughter to her dads at that age. In the big picture I believe all children and any age need positive role models in their lives so be patient with them.


It's been my experience that when children reach the age of 13 to lock them in their room and feed them under the door!


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## Gardenlover (Mar 20, 2020)

Not doing so is one of the downfalls of American families, _in my not so humble opinion._


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## Pecos (Mar 20, 2020)

My wife and I could have my grandson live with us, but that would be the only one.

Everyone else would drive us batty in short order even though they are good people.


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## Gardenlover (Mar 20, 2020)

Pecos said:


> My wife and I could have my grandson live with us, but that would be the only one.
> 
> Everyone else would drive us batty in short order even though they are good people.


Changing from one life style to another would be hard no doubt. But I think we would eventually get used to it, if not relish it.


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## Catlady (Mar 20, 2020)

I would rather live in a room the size of a bathroom than live with others.  The only company I can stand for more than three hours is my cats.  I NEED privacy and independence.


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## Lakeland living (Mar 20, 2020)

No, not at this time....


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## Marlene (Mar 20, 2020)

No, I love all my kids dearly but do not want to give up my freedom or have to compromise on issues like cleanliness, noise, cooking, etc.


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