# Halloween humor



## Denise1952

Please feel welcome to add your halloween humor


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## SeaBreeze




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## Meanderer




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## JustBonee




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## Meanderer

View attachment 10360


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## Denise1952

Oh good one ME dude, LOL!!


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## SeaBreeze




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## Denise1952

omygosh that's hilarious!!  I love all the jokes you guys have shared!! Keep them coming!!


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## SeaBreeze

A bald man with a wooden leg 
is invited to a Halloween party. 
He doesn't know what costume 
to wear to hide his head and his 
leg so he writes to a costume 
company to explain his problem. 

A few days later, he received a 
parcel with the following note: 

Dear Sir, 
Please find enclosed a pirate's 
outfit. The spotted handkerchief 
will cover your bald head and, with 
your wooden leg, you will be just 
right as a pirate. 

Very truly yours, 
Acme Costume Co. 

The man thinks this is terrible 
because they have emphasized 
his wooden leg and so he writes 
a letter of complaint. A week goes 
by and he receives another parcel 
and a note, which says: 

Dear Sir, 
Please find enclosed a monk's habit. 
The long robe will cover your Wooden 
leg and, with your bald head, you will 
really look the part. 

Very truly yours, 
Acme Costume Co. 

Now the man is really upset since 
they have gone from emphasizing 
his wooden leg to emphasizing his 
bald head so again he writes the 
company another nasty letter of 
complaint. 
A few day's later he gets a small parcel 
and a note, which reads: 

Dear Sir, 
Please find enclosed a bottle of 
molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. 
Pour the molasses over your bald head, 
pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden 
leg up your a$$ and go as a caramel apple. 

Very truly yours, 
Acme Costume Co


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## Denise1952

Oh geez SB, LOLLLLLLLLLLL!! Almost wet my panties on that one, LOL!!


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## SeaBreeze




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## Misty




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## rcleary171

SeaBreeze said:


>




Hey! That witch is not wearing a costume. No mask - no treats.


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## Denise1952

These are all hilarious, I'll have to see if I can come up with more myself Denise


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## Ina

Well Denise I think you found the right group for many of us.


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## Denise1952

Ina said:


> Well Denise I think you found the right group for many of us.



LOL, yeah, I'm the "head in the jar" heehee!!


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## Misty

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## Misty

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## Denise1952

LOL, poor hubbies, you gotta admit many of them will do a lot to please their wives, this is going above and beyond though, :lofl:


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## Meanderer

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## Michael.

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## Denise1952

Michael. said:


> .
> 
> View attachment 10445
> 
> .​



ewwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeee, a man-eater, hopes she gets gas that won't quit!!


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## Meanderer

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## Denise1952

I wonder what the grim reaper wears under his cape?  Well, inquiring minds want to know


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## Michael.

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## Misty

nwlady said:


> I wonder what the grim reaper wears under his cape?  Well, inquiring minds want to know



View attachment 10463

Only his bones, Denise....Now you know


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## Denise1952

Oh geez Misty!! I shoulda known that, duh LOL!!


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## Michael.

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## Meanderer

The Grim Reaper's single Daughter:

View attachment 10467


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## Meanderer

View attachment 10501View attachment 10502


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## AprilT

I think this year I should just settle on a clown because every tutorial I've tried to follow to make a glamorous face mask, I just ended looking like a clown. My look came out each time a cross mix of these.  :grin::bowknot::zombierolleye:


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## Meanderer

AprilT said:


> I think this year I should just settle on a clown because every tutorial I've tried to follow to make a glamorous face mask, I just ended looking like a clown. My look came out each time a cross mix of these.  :grin::bowknot::zombierolleye:



Keeping it simple works better.  As a kid, I dressed as a Hobo, rubbing a bunt cork on my cheeks to look like dirt.  Add an old man's hat and jacket and baggie pants & carry a stick with a red work hankie tied up to hold hobo treasures.


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## AprilT

Meanderer said:


> Keeping it simple works better.  As a kid, I dressed as a Hobo, rubbing a bunt cork on my cheeks to look like dirt.  Add an old man's hat and jacket and baggie pants & carry a stick with a red work hankie tied up to hold hobo treasures.



If only I could just throw on my my old stand bys.  I have two weeks to get it right.  Two or four five more tries later in the week and then I'm quite possibly done and will just go as myself a ichy which.


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## Michael.

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## Meanderer

Now THAT'S a cat scan Michael! HAHA!


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## SeaBreeze




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## Denise1952

Anyone remember this, LOL!  It still cracks me up!!


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## Michael.

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## Michael.

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## Michael.

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## ClassicRockr

Here is my Stormtrooper wife.
And, here I am as a great looking Darth Vader.


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## AprilT

:coolpics: CR thanks for sharing, you both wear the outfits well.  LOL!


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## Meanderer

*What does your Halloween costume say about you?*







http://www.foxnews.com/health/2014/10/18/what-does-your-halloween-costume-say-about/

Halloween is almost here – which means picking out a costume for parties. But did you know that your costume choice says a lot about you?


Dr. Scott Bea, psychologist at the Cleveland Clinic, said our real personalities can shine through when we dress up.


“As human beings we’re often inhibited if people can recognize us or know who you are,” he said. “If we put on a mask or an outfit, all of a sudden we can be somebody else and the range of our behavior gets to expand and we have a little bit more fun.”


Bea said if you dress like a celebrity, it may be because you like to have a sense of power or popularity. For those who choose a sexy costume, it could be that you want to show a side of yourself you normally repress.


Scary characters like frightening clowns or monsters give people a chance to safely express their dark side – without feeling guilty or embarrassed.


When it comes to dressing like comic books and cartoon characters, Bea said they represent a playful attitude, even for people who typically have a serious nature.


But in the end, Bea said the important thing about picking out a costume is making sure it is something you will have fun wearing.


“They say we can only let about 20 percent of our real personality leak out in our workplace. When you’re being a parent you have to conform to a certain set of standards, but on Halloween we get to play a little bit, so we can expand the range of who we are in a real pleasant and fun way,” he said.


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## ClassicRockr

Well, last year she was Princess Leia, but this year she wanted to match my costume. A Stormtrooper and Darth Vader does go together, both in the Star Wars movies and Halloween. 

In the photo, she is wearing a Female Stormtrooper costume. It's a black nylon jump suit w/a zipper back. The difference between the male costume and the female one is the chest. The man's has a flat chest. The man's also has the white armor on both sides of the arms/legs, whereas the female one only has the armor on the front. Her helmet is a full-size one and much better than the one that came with the costume. The Blaster came from Toy's-R-Us. It was originally white/orange (Nurf brand). I'm painting the who thing black, as in the movies. Her white ankle boots, were bought separately also. The black gloves she already had. When she put the entire costume on last weekend, I was really amazed at how really good it looked on her. Her entire costume cost $145.

Mine cost a little more, b/c of the chest box I'm wearing. It got it from a guy that built/sold them on e-bay last year. It has sequence lights, breathing and Earl Thomas Jones (Darth Vaders) voice. It cost us $99 and it well worth it. 

Last year I was pretty much the hit at a Costume Party, but this year, we will both be the HIT!! We don't mind the attention we get at all.




AprilT said:


> :coolpics: CR thanks for sharing, you both wear the outfits well.  LOL!


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## Denise1952

LOL!! These are great!!!!!!!  Love the witch with the "broom" starter on her key-chain, LOL!!


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## JustBonee




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## JustBonee




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## Denise1952

this is precious Bonnie!!


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## JoannaD

Don't get me started on bad Halloween jokes! I won't stop!

Q: What do spirits have for breakfast?

A: Ghost toast!


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## JoannaD

Q: What eats honey with brains in it?

A: Zom-bees!


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## JoannaD

Q: What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

A: Boo-berries!


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## JoannaD

Q: Why do ghouls love frosted flakes?

A: Cause they're terror-iffic!


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## JoannaD

Q: Who played Princess Leia in the Halloween version of Star Wars?

A: Scary Fisher!

(I'm particularly ashamed of this one. Had enough yet?)


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## JoannaD

Bonnie said:


>



This is adorable!


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## JoannaD

Q: What is a monster's favorite picnic treat?

A: Sand-witches!


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## JoannaD

Q: What do monsters drink their beer from?

A: Franken-steins.


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## SeaBreeze




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## JoannaD

Have I won the award for worst Halloween joke yet? 

(I apologize. They really are terrible!)


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## JoannaD

SeaBreeze said:


>



Actually those kids are DROPPING candy..... he's probably making about $20 bucks a year


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## JoannaD

Q: What else do spirits like to eat for breakfast?

A: Creepy Crepes!


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## JoannaD

Q: Why do I keep telling such bad Halloween jokes?

A: Because I think they're spook-tacular!


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## JoannaD

Q: Who went to the Halloween dance?

A: Lots of boys and ghouls!


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## JoannaD

Q: Why didn't the ghost go trick or treating?

A: His mummy wouldn't let him!


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## JoannaD

Q: How much do ghouls weigh?

A: A skele-ton.


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## JoannaD

Q: Why couldn't the ghoul get into his house?

A: He lost his skeleton key!


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## JoannaD

Q: Why was the witch kicked out of cauldron college?

A: She couldn't "spell."


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## JoannaD

Q: What did the ghoul's mom send him after he went to college?

A: A scare package.


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## SeaBreeze

JoannaD said:


> Have I won the award for worst Halloween joke yet?
> 
> (I apologize. They really are terrible!)



Corny, but cute Joanna!


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## JoannaD

Q: What kind of car does a swamp monster drive?

A: A Bu-ick!


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## JoannaD

Q: Why does Dracula love these jokes?

A: Because they suck!


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## JoannaD

Q: How did the zombie's mother punish him?

A: Sent him back to his _tomb._


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## JoannaD

Q: What's a Halloween monster's favorite pet?

A: A scaredy cat!


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## JoannaD

Q: Why did Dracula have to go see the doctor?

A: He wouldn't stop coffin.


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## JoannaD

Q: How can you tell when there's a zombie thunderstorm?

A: Simple - it won't stop b-raining!


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## JoannaD

Q: Does the witch like to dance?

A: Yeah, she thinks it's a _scream!_


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## JoannaD

Q: Who was the greatest movie actor of all time?

A: Scary Cooper!


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## JoannaD

Q: What do baby ghouls watch every Saturday morning?

A: Skele-toons.


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## Denise1952

JoannaD said:


> Q: What do monsters drink their beer from?
> 
> A: Franken-steins.



Somebody stop Joanna, she is a loose cannon with the halloween jokes, :lofl:


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## JoannaD

Q: What do ghouls roast over their campfire?

A: Hallow-wienies!


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## JoannaD

nwlady said:


> Somebody stop Joanna, she is a loose cannon with the halloween jokes, :lofl:



Please stop me! My kids can't take it any more!


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## JoannaD

Q: How do witches get their hair ready for prom?

A: They visit their scaredresser.


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## JoannaD

Q: What do monsters eat for dessert?

A: Ice Scream!


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## JoannaD

Q: What's a zombie librarians favorite snack?

A: Book Worms!


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## JoannaD

Q: Where does Dracula go every pay day?

A: The Blood Bank!


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## Michael.

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## Michael.

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## Denise1952

LOL!! I'll remember this


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## Michael.

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## Meanderer

View attachment 10640


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## SeaBreeze




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## Meanderer

...inside our window.

View attachment 10666


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## Denise1952

LOL!! Excellent Seabreeze!!


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## Denise1952

Oh, thats your place Me!! Cool!! Love it


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## Denise1952

Meanderer said:


> View attachment 10640




LOLLLLLLLLLLLLL!  Hilarious, and would be true for me


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## AprilT

Meanderer, very nice;  the Mrs did a really sweet job of decorating.


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## Meanderer

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## Meanderer

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## JustBonee




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## Denise1952

Good one Jim!

Love it Bonnie, lol


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## Denise1952




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## Denise1952




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## Lon

I have taken my steroids and I am now ready for the costume party


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## Denise1952

Looks more like you dipped into the toxic waste Lon, hope it wears off, LOL!!


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## Meanderer




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## Denise1952

Oh yeah, not hard to spot that one LOL!!


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## Sassycakes




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## Denise1952

LOL, the dog looks happier then the guy, LOL!!


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## Denise1952

Yum Yum!! LOLLLLLLLLLLLL!!


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## Falcon

:lol1:    Good one, Sassycakes.


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## Shirley

Happy Halloween


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## Denise1952

first.) 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



*You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:*

*10. You keep knocking on your own front door.*





*9. You remove your false teeth to change your appearance.*





*8. You ask for soft high fiber candy only.*




*7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag,
and you lose your balance and fall over.*





*6. People say: 'Great Boris Karloff Mask,'
And you're not wearing a mask.*





*5. When the door opens you yell, 'Trick or...'
And you can't remember the rest.*

*4. By the end of the night,
you have a bag full of restraining orders.*





*3. You have to carefully choose a costume that doesn't dislodge your hairpiece.*





*2. You're the only Power Ranger in the
neighborhood with a walker.*




*And the number one reason Seniors should not go
Trick Or Treating...
*
*
*
1. You keep having to go home to pee.*





*No matter, have a HAPPY HALLOWEEN anyway.*


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## Meanderer

View attachment 10783


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## Denise1952

ah, that's so true, we need to protect our babies from the scarey monsters


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## SeaBreeze




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