# Long, but I think worth it, lol;)



## Denise1952 (Aug 23, 2014)

This is a woman's "thing" for you



For my birthday this year, my daughter purchased a week of personal training at the local health club.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. 


I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. 


Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
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MONDAY: 
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! 


Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! 


Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
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TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
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WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. 


Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. 


My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.
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THURSDAY:
Butt hole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late--it took me that long to tie my shoes. 


He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me. 


Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine--which I sank.
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FRIDAY:
I hate that jackass Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobics instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. 


Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the darn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. 


The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
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SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
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SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!


Send this to a friend who needs to laugh. We all need a good  laugh
People will forget what you said,  people will forget what you did or what you look like,  but people will never forget how you made them feel.


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## SeaBreeze (Aug 23, 2014)

:clap::hee:


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## SifuPhil (Aug 23, 2014)

Great stuff! layful:


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## Denise1952 (Aug 23, 2014)

LOL, glad you liked it I laughed almost all the way throughlayful:


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## Falcon (Aug 23, 2014)

You should hear what I called my drill instructor.   WAIT !  Maybe not; might get kicked off the forum.


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## Meanderer (Aug 23, 2014)

HAHA!  Reminds me of the Diary of the Mad Snow Shoveler!  That was very funny Denise, and sounded just like you!   Kinda like getting 30 days in the electric chair!  Also made me think of the people who want to park next to the entrance at the Gym...and then go in and walk on a treadmill. Thanks!
View attachment 9248


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## Denise1952 (Aug 23, 2014)

Oh yeah, I love walking outdoors I got so bored the time I tried a gym/including treadmill, LOL!!  Glad you liked it Jim, and Falcon, we can guess what someone might call a drill instructor, now that's gotta be grueling Anyone making it through bootcamp is a hero in my book!!


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## Ina (Aug 23, 2014)

:lol1:


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## Denise1952 (Aug 23, 2014)

Yep, I am not into gyms, at all!  But I do love to swim.  Once my arm is completely healed, I may get a pass to go to the pool near here.  They have an adult swim, and I would love sitting in their jacuzzi as well  I know some folks wouldn't because of the hygiene thing, but I don't know, I grew up using pools so I suppose I wouldn't worry.  I mean if I had my rathers, I'd have my own pool and jacuzzi, well yeah:lofl:


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