# Update and some hopeful news.



## QuickSilver (May 15, 2015)

Six months ago I posted about having had to have police remove my impaired adult son from my home, due to violence and severe alcoholism.   It has been very difficult, and there for a while he used every manipulative trick in the book to get me to let him come home..  However, I refused.  It was the hardest thing I have had to do.  

He is presently in a rehab program and is residing in a homeless shelter.  With intense treatment and constant encouragement, he has remained sober.   As with most alcoholics, he is in debt and has had collection agencies hounding him for payment.  A few weeks ago, a distant relative passed away, leaving him a small amount of money, which he has used to settle his debt with creditors.  He actually took the initiative to call them and negotiate a settlement.  So by the end of the month he will officially be debt free, except for a student loan, which he has managed to apply for and get an forbearance due to hardship.   The point is HE DID this HIMSELF..  I am so overwhelmed and grateful..

Now he is in the process of completing a Compensated Work Therapy program.  He will be assigned a six month paid position while he looks for other permanent employment.  He is also eligible for subsidized housing, providing he remains sober and continues having clean drops. (urine tests)   I remain cautiously optimistic, but more and more I am seeing a future for him, one that I could not imagine just 6 months ago.  He certainly is an entirely different person without alcohol, although we both realize that he is and always will be an alcoholic and relapse is only one drink away.   He still has other issues he is working through,  but I am hoping the dignity of work and self sufficiency will help with those.  There just may be a rainbow at the end of this storm.


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## Ameriscot (May 15, 2015)

Glad to hear he is making progress.  Sounds very hopeful!


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## Josiah (May 15, 2015)

I certainly hope he stays on the path he is now following and that the worst of this ordeal is over for you. The remarkable change in his attitude is certainly encouraging.


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## NancyNGA (May 15, 2015)

Good news, QS.  Fingers crossed for him.


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## RadishRose (May 15, 2015)

Sounds encouraging. Heartfelt wishes for your sons continued successes, one day at a time.


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## SeaBreeze (May 15, 2015)

Glad to hear he's moving forward, I wish him the best.


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## AZ Jim (May 15, 2015)

Here's adding my best wishes as well for continued sobriety.


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## Glinda (May 15, 2015)

This must be a tremendous relief for you, QS.  Best wishes for a bright future for you and your son.


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## QuickSilver (May 15, 2015)

Thanks all... but as much a relief, there is still the lurking fear of a relapse..  So many do.. and after coming this far and making this much progress it would kill me if he relapsed.  It's so good to see him as he looks now..  He actually has a Masters Degree... and seeing the waste is too much to take.


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## AZ Jim (May 15, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> Thanks all... but as much a relief, there is still the lurking fear of a relapse..  So many do.. and after coming this far and making this much progress it would kill me if he relapsed.  It's so good to see him as he looks now..  He actually has a Masters Degree... and seeing the waste is too much to take.



He should read "If a man be mad" by Harold Maine.  It's on Amazon, written about an alcoholics struggle to sobriety.


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## QuickSilver (May 15, 2015)

Thanks Jim.. I will recommend that to him.


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## Mrs. Robinson (May 15, 2015)

My son just celebrated 8 years clean and sober (drugs,not alcohol). I can`t really remember now at what point I was able to relax a little and think "Maybe this time will be it!" but I know it took time and it wasn`t all of a sudden-it was more of a gradual realization that I hadn`t even thought about it for a while. And for him,it took some time before his struggle to stay clean turned into a feeling of "My life is so great now I would NEVER want to go back to what it was." I pray that your son can continue on this path.


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## QuickSilver (May 15, 2015)

Thanks.... I realize it's only been 6 months, but I never even thought he could do it this long.  I pray we can get to the place you and your son are.


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## Louis (May 15, 2015)

I'm happy for him, and for you as well, QS.  :encouragement:


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## AprilT (May 15, 2015)

Such good news, QS, so happy for your son, you and the rest of your family.


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## ndynt (May 15, 2015)

Wonderful news, QS.  Sounds like he is now on the right track.


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## applecruncher (May 15, 2015)

I wasn't here when you posted months ago so this is the first I've heard, but I'm glad things are looking up.


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## Cookie (May 15, 2015)

Sounds very positive, QS, glad for you and your son.


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## Shalimar (May 15, 2015)

Sounds very positive, QS. Sometimes people just need to be ready to commit themselves to whatever it takes to heal. I commend your son on his efforts, and you for never giving up on him.


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## merlin (May 15, 2015)

applecruncher said:


> I wasn't here when you posted months ago so this is the first I've heard, but I'm glad things are looking up.



Same here QS and I also wish you well in the progress made, long may it continue.


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## Mrs. Robinson (May 15, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> Thanks.... I realize it's only been 6 months, but I never even thought he could do it this long.  I pray we can get to the place you and your son are.



I so know what you`re feeling! For me it was always like waiting for the other shoe to drop. In fact,my stomach aches right now even thinking about it. Have you read/subscribed to Sandra Swenson`s blog?


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## QuickSilver (May 15, 2015)

Mrs. Robinson said:


> I so know what you`re feeling! For me it was always like waiting for the other shoe to drop. In fact,my stomach aches right now even thinking about it. Have you read/subscribed to Sandra Swenson`s blog?




No I haven't heard of it..


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## Mrs. Robinson (May 15, 2015)

http://www.sandyswenson.com/blog/


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## jujube (May 15, 2015)

Such good news, QS.


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## Underock1 (May 24, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> Thanks all... but as much a relief, there is still the lurking fear of a relapse..  So many do.. and after coming this far and making this much progress it would kill me if he relapsed.  It's so good to see him as he looks now..  He actually has a Masters Degree... and seeing the waste is too much to take.



QuickSilver, I had no idea. I feel for you. There is nothing worse than what you are going through.
 Our son was the most caring person you would ever want to meet. He lived with us, and was our loving caregiver.
 We had no idea he was an alcoholic. I'll keep it short. He lost his job and his drivers license. We had to have him forcibly entered into rehab. He came out, and was wonderful in every way for a year. Job stress and caring for his handicapped parents, sent him into relapse. We had some terrible episodes. Sadly, we found him dead in his room, just about a year ago. We never received the autopsy back. I hope your situation turns out happier. A horrible disease.


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## applecruncher (May 24, 2015)

Underock 1 - so sorry.


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## Ameriscot (May 24, 2015)

Underock1 said:


> QuickSilver, I had no idea. I feel for you. There is nothing worse than what you are going through.
> Our son was the most caring person you would ever want to meet. He lived with us, and was our loving caregiver.
> We had no idea he was an alcoholic. I'll keep it short. He lost his job and his drivers license. We had to have him forcibly entered into rehab. He came out, and was wonderful in every way for a year. Job stress and caring for his handicapped parents, sent him into relapse. We had some terrible episodes. Sadly, we found him dead in his room, just about a year ago. We never received the autopsy back. I hope your situation turns out happier. A horrible disease.



So very sorry for your loss.


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## Underock1 (May 24, 2015)

Ameriscot said:


> So very sorry for your loss.



Thank you, Ameriscot. I didn't mean to take away from QuickSilver's situation. Just wanted her to know that someone who has been through it, understands her torment. People _do _manage to recover. Let us hope that her son will be one of the fortunate ones.


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## AprilT (May 24, 2015)

Yes, people do recover and move on, my own brother did recover and moved on, though years later, illness related to years past usage came back and took his life, but, for the years to his death, he stayed on the straight we were never more proud of him and how he lived out the rest of his life.  But many people move on and do well, it's that in between for those facing this issue, them and their families really go through quite the ups and downs and it's great when there's news like QS has now and we hope this continues.

I realize, I myself still have a lot to learn about this issue, so, I continue to reevaluate how I might have thought on the matter even a few months ago as I read up on new things studies and ideas about usage I've never been privy to.  Still of the tough love camp though.


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## QuickSilver (May 24, 2015)

Underock1 said:


> QuickSilver, I had no idea. I feel for you. There is nothing worse than what you are going through.
> Our son was the most caring person you would ever want to meet. He lived with us, and was our loving caregiver.
> We had no idea he was an alcoholic. I'll keep it short. He lost his job and his drivers license. We had to have him forcibly entered into rehab. He came out, and was wonderful in every way for a year. Job stress and caring for his handicapped parents, sent him into relapse. We had some terrible episodes. Sadly, we found him dead in his room, just about a year ago. We never received the autopsy back. I hope your situation turns out happier. A horrible disease.



And that was my biggest fear when he lived here... was that he would drink himself to death and I would find him dead in his room..   I would tell my husband that at least I was giving him a safe place to die..    It's a horrible, horrible thing..  I have no words to great enough to tell you how sorry I am that my fear, was your reality..   So very very sorry..


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## Underock1 (May 24, 2015)

Thank you, QS. I didn't mean to turn your thread into a sympathy party for myself. Just wanted you to know that someone out here really understands your situation. My reality does not have to be yours. I have witnessed complete long term recoveries in others. Keep you spirits up.


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## Butterfly (May 24, 2015)

I understand what you are going through and I'm sorry you have to deal with it.  There is someone in my family who used to have a terrible drinking problem, then she was sober for many years.  A couple weeks ago I realized to my horror that she is drinking heavily again.  I'm not sure how to deal with it, and it saddens me deeply.  She also has some medical issues that the alcohol will exacerbate.


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## Warrigal (May 24, 2015)

Quicksilver, I have been sober for nearly 20 years now. Alcoholism is no respecter of education or intellect. 
How I did it is a complicated story but initially it did involve a 12 step program.
If he is attending meetings, do encourage him because within that environment a lapse does not mean the end of everything.

At first he will have what is known as "stinking thinking" ( http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-top-10-types-of-stinkin-thinkin/10/ ) and it will take some time to get past this. When he really understands that alcohol is poisonous to him and that he must never again pick up, then he will be in a much safer place.

Underock, I am sorry for your loss. Please do not blame yourself in any way. Alcoholism is a terrible disease and the pathogen is Ch3COOH. 
I worry about my son too, and my sister.


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## QuickSilver (May 25, 2015)

Thank you for this post DW...  One of the most difficult things for me get my mind around is the complete waste of talent and ability my son has lost to alcohol..   I see that you are an example that I can hope my son to attain to.. and that all may not be lost to him.   Again thank you..  you didn't have to post this.. and I want you to know how appreciative I am that you did..


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## Underock1 (May 25, 2015)

Thank you for your sympathetic thoughts DW. At this point in my life, I blame no one for anything. We all have to face life with the tools we are given. Sometimes we win. Sometimes we lose. That's just the way it is.


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## QuickSilver (May 25, 2015)

It's just so hard to lose when it's your child....  so hard...  bless you


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## Underock1 (May 25, 2015)

QuickSilver said:


> It's just so hard to lose when it's your child....  so hard...  bless you



Thanks QS. It is, but given his future prospects at age fifty, with two aged parents to care for, we had to comfort ourselves that he was finally at peace, as I do in accepting my wife's passing. Keep a bright outlook. A favorite quote; "I've had an awful lot of trouble in my life, most of which never happened."


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## QuickSilver (May 28, 2015)

More hopeful news....  My son just accepted a position in a VA hospital... in the Environmental Services department..  It's part of their CTP Compensated Work Therapy program and could lead to permanent employment within the hospital if he proves himself.   Also, part of his paycheck will go toward paying some Rent at the shelter he is living in.   So baby steps.... although this is a big one.. he is going to have to get used to getting up at 6am and working a 40 hour work week... and perhaps some overtime..  He is looking at it as a "foot in" to the system and perhaps a way to finally utilize his education and ability...  I am becoming more and more optimistic, but still hold my breathe every day.


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## Jackie22 (May 28, 2015)

My sincere condolence to you, Underock1.

QS, so glad for the good news with your son.


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## AprilT (May 28, 2015)

Cheers for your son QS, so very good to hear of his continuing progress.


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## QuickSilver (May 28, 2015)

What is heartening is that he is becoming much more realistic about his recovery.  He is very happy to have this job.  He knows he has a lot of work to do to prove his ability and his seriousness about remaining sober, and to start contributing to his keep at the shelter.  ALL part of reality.   Time was he would sit in my basement and fantasize of all the wonderful things he would do..................eventually.....................after the next drinking binge.   NOW.. cleaning toilets sounds pretty reasonable to him, so long as he can work himself up to a position where he is able to support himself.


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## AprilT (May 28, 2015)

That's is a great step in the right direction, being able to plan ahead realistically like that, shows great progress, that truly is a giant step forward.  Very heartening indeed.   I feel so good for you and him   Keeping good thoughts for you all.


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## RadishRose (May 28, 2015)

I hope so much this works out for your son. It sounds like just what he needs. Keep us posted please.


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## Debby (May 28, 2015)

Hi QS, I just noticed your initial post and I'm so happy for your family that maybe your son is on the right track!  It'll be hard for him, but continuing recovery is possible.  My husband is an alcoholic but he quit drinking 25 years ago.  I remember many a night sitting up and worrying and phoning hospitals to see if he'd been brought in and even a couple times going to pick him up when he drove the truck into a ditch!  A drinking family member is such a worry and a concern for sure, but maybe now good times are ahead right!  Fingers crossed for you!  (and him of course)


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