# Ron's friend Bob, who seems to be giving up on life.



## Ronni (Oct 29, 2021)

Ron and Bob have been friends since their teens.  He has always been closer to Bob than he has his own family and to Linda, his wife, as well.  They're like siblings and always have been.  Bob and Linda live in Syracuse where Ron is from, and even after Ron moved to Nashville back in 1994, they've kept in close touch.  We've visited with them a couple times since Ron and I have been married.

Linda has been in touch with us off and on for the last year saying Bob is going downhill and there's nothing she can do.  Bob won't admit anything when Ron talks to him, says he's fine, refuses to discuss his health with Ron and brushes every one of Ron's concerns off.  But he's diabetic, won't take his meds, has had several heart episodes, peripheral neuropathy in his extremities, legs and feet so bad that he has trouble walking, urinating blood, other health issues, and won't go to the doctor, won't do anything to get himself taken care of. 

This is breaking Ron's heart....for Bob who he doesn't want to lose, and for Linda too who is frustrated, overwhelmed and feels completely helpless to help her husband.  Linda called us a couple days ago, and suggested that if Ron wanted to visit with Bob, now would be a good time and not wait too long, the implication being that this may be the last time.  So I jumped online and found us a round trip flight for next Friday through Sunday.  It will be a whirlwind trip, we'll get there midday Friday, and leave early Sunday morning. 

We're staying with Ron's ex-sister in law Patty who we love, renting a car at the airport, and while we're there we will hopefully be able to grab a little time with two other families who we're close to.  They all know we're coming but understand that the trip is primarily to see Bob so they will understand if we can't find the time to visit with them too. 

This isn't the best time.  We're flying out in three weeks to California to spend Thanksgiving with my son and his family.  But Ron didn't want to delay the trip to Syracuse, and I agree, so we'll do what we have to, to make it all work.  My poor husband is just ripped up by this, though he's soldiering on.  I wish I could do more to help. 

2018.  Better days  Bob’s in the green shirt, Linda next to him


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## katlupe (Oct 29, 2021)

I think you are helping your husband by going on this trip to see his friend with him. Maybe seeing his friends will encourage Bob to do something or try to do something about his health issues. Good luck and have a safe trip.


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## Jules (Oct 29, 2021)

It’s sad that Bob has made this decision.  All Ron can do is be supportive. Does Bob know you’re coming?


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## palides2021 (Oct 29, 2021)

Ronni, what a beautiful testimony of friendship, visiting Ron's friend Bob and his wife! I know you and your husband will be good for them. Have a safe trip!


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## Pinky (Oct 29, 2021)

It sounds as though Bob knows more about his condition than he wants to share .. and has made up his mind how he chooses to handle it. All anyone can do, is, be there and show him they care and love him.


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## Ronni (Oct 29, 2021)

Jules said:


> It’s sad that Bob has made this decision.  All Ron can do is be supportive. Does Bob know you’re coming?


Bob was sleeping when Ron called last night, so he talked to Linda.  Well, he started to, but he just broke down, so I took the phone from him and told Linda that we were coming up. She was excited, said she'd tell Bob, and was sure he'd be thrilled....she knows how strong their friendship is.  

And then she immediately moved into hostess mode, telling us she could do this and that to make room for us, wanting to know when we were flying in so she could rearrange things to pick us up etc.  I assured her that we had everything covered, and the LAST thing we wanted to do was stress her out dealing with details when she already had so much going on (their daughter is battling cancer and it doesn't look good, single son had a stroke a couple years ago and is partially disabled, other son has mental issues and she's caring for him...the woman is a freaking saint!) She asked are we sure, but honestly just sounded relieved.  

I'm looking forward to seeing them, but also dreading the trip.


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## SmoothSeas (Oct 29, 2021)

so sad...  so sad...

I had a distressing call last night from an old neighbor.  It seems that another neighbor fell and broke her shoulder, so they put her in rehab.  After a day or two, Ann decided she wanted to go home, so she just up and walked out.  She made it about two blocks before she realized she was lost.

Police were called and they returned her to the facility.  The facility realizing that Ann was a potential liability refused to accept her.  She's now parked on a locked dementia ward in yet another nursing home.  The friend that called with the news said that when she shows up to visit, Ann sometimes doesn't recognize her and is in an addled and confused state.

Dave and Denise have taken in Ann's dog and I'm thankful they have.  But sometimes life just sucks.

sorry about hijacking your thread...

here's hopin that both Ron and Bob can relive old times and make some good memories.  Have a safe trip...


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## Sassycakes (Oct 29, 2021)

I am so sorry to hear about Ron's friend. Hopefully, he will open up to Ron and explain why he is feeling the way he is now. Do they have children? I'm sending prayers for Bob and his wife.


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## Ronni (Oct 29, 2021)

Sassycakes said:


> I am so sorry to hear about Ron's friend. Hopefully, he will open up to Ron and explain why he is feeling the way he is now. Do they have children? I'm sending prayers for Bob and his wife.


They do. I explained about that in post #6  It’s a sad situation.


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## Tish (Oct 29, 2021)

Oh, how very sad, it sounds like Bob has given up, he might be suffering from depression.
@Ronni you are helping and doing all you can.


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## Ronni (Nov 5, 2021)

Well we got up at 3.00, got a Lyft to the airport at 4.15, and now we’re finally though endless check-in, security, and what feels like smiles of corridors and walkways to finally arrive at our gate. Boarding is in 20 minutes.

We change planes in Atlanta and will get to Syracuse at 11.06 am, provided everything stays on time.

Ron gets a certain look on his face and I know he’s thinking of his friend. He’s dreading this trip, at the same time that he’s very glad we’re going now. Poor man


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## hollydolly (Nov 5, 2021)

Ronni said:


> Well we got up at 3.00, got a Lyft to the airport at 4.15, and now we’re finally though endless check-in, security, and what feels like smiles of corridors and walkways to finally arrive at our gate. Boarding is in 20 minutes.
> 
> We change planes in Atlanta and will get to Syracuse at 11.06 am, provided everything stays on time.
> 
> Ron gets a certain look on his face and I know he’s thinking of his friend. He’s dreading this trip, at the same time that he’s very glad we’re going now. Poor man


Safe Journey Ronnie & Ron


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## palides2021 (Nov 5, 2021)

Ronni said:


> Well we got up at 3.00, got a Lyft to the airport at 4.15, and now we’re finally though endless check-in, security, and what feels like smiles of corridors and walkways to finally arrive at our gate. Boarding is in 20 minutes.
> 
> We change planes in Atlanta and will get to Syracuse at 11.06 am, provided everything stays on time.
> 
> Ron gets a certain look on his face and I know he’s thinking of his friend. He’s dreading this trip, at the same time that he’s very glad we’re going now. Poor man


Safe journey to you and your husband! I admire your good hearts.


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## katlupe (Nov 5, 2021)

Have a safe trip and good luck.


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## horseless carriage (Nov 5, 2021)

There is no greeting card for times like this: What to say and do when life is daunting, awful and unfair to those that you love. You can do no more than what you are doing by visiting. Reading your post and your reaction to the news of a dear friend, is both painful yet heartening. On the one hand is the medical condition of a cherished friend, that is such a painful read. Then on the other hand, your reaction to that sad news. Your kindness gladdens me, truly. I'm so sorry this is happening.


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## Jules (Nov 5, 2021)

It will be a tough one.  You’re good friends.


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## Devi (Nov 5, 2021)

Ronni said:


> But he's diabetic, won't take his meds, has had several heart episodes, peripheral neuropathy in his extremities, legs and feet so bad that he has trouble walking, urinating blood, other health issues, and won't go to the doctor, won't do anything to get himself taken care of.


Diabetic peripheral neuropathy is when they start looking to cut off parts of the body. I don't know why he's doing this, but I can imagine why he's (apparently) not wanting to face it. That said, not sure why he's not taking the meds.

My best to you all.


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## Tish (Nov 5, 2021)

@Ronni Godspeed.


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## win231 (Nov 5, 2021)

Devi said:


> Diabetic peripheral neuropathy is when they start looking to cut off parts of the body. I don't know why he's doing this, but I can imagine why he's (apparently) not wanting to face it. That said, not sure why he's not taking the meds.
> 
> My best to you all.


I suspect he's in pain most of the time & there isn't much relief available - medically & his quality of life is poor.  That leads one to consider the idea that he isn't losing much if he passes; in fact it may be a relief to him.  That's especially likely if he has other health issues in addition.


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