# Why are you single?



## CPA-Kim (May 8, 2014)

I've pondered this off and on lately.  I was married for about 7 years and don't really think I was suited for it.  I'm very accommodating and passionate but I value my time alone and have some personality quirks that might put others off.  I do not like clutter.  I'm very organized, cook all my meals from scratch, and don't drink.  I have a good sense of humor but I'm not easily entertained.  I like to dig deeply into conversations and topics and find superficial conversation boring.

I guess the reason I stay single is that I am self sufficient and content with the life I've made.  In past relationships, I've made huge compromises and I'm glad that phase of my life is over.


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## kcvet (May 8, 2014)

CPA-Kim said:


> I've pondered this off and on lately.  I was married for about 7 years and don't really think I was suited for it.  I'm very accommodating and passionate but I value my time alone and have some personality quirks that might put others off.  I do not like clutter.  I'm very organized, cook all my meals from scratch, and don't drink.  I have a good sense of humor but I'm not easily entertained.  I like to dig deeply into conversations and topics and find superficial conversation boring.
> 
> I guess the reason I stay single is that I am self sufficient and content with the life I've made.  In past relationships, I've made huge compromises and I'm glad that phase of my life is over.



I think its called set in your ways. I am


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## GeorgiaXplant (May 8, 2014)

Are you my twin? LOL  DH was a great guy, he was my whole heart and we had a nice life together. But now at 73 I really don't want to go through the dating and getting-to-know-you stuff. Ugh. I'll just admit that it's really too much _bother_! I've learned to like my own company and cherish my "aloneness". Besides, I've gotten really selfish and like living my own life in my own way in my own place. Well, *my* own place only because my kitty has generously allowed it.


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## Sunny (May 8, 2014)

Georgia, I could have written exactly what you just did. After nearly 54 years of marriage, my DH died, and I've been alone now for 4 years. I realized, sort of to my surprise, that for the first time in my life, I was living alone, and finding it fairly enjoyable. I like having my own independence, and have a very nice apartment in a planned community for seniors (55 and over). There are plenty of people whenever I want them, but I enjoy the solitude also.


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## Murphy (May 8, 2014)

I now live (contentedly) alone with my dog after 2 failed, relatively short marriages so I guess I'm either not the marrying kind, or made bad choices

I could be my own worst enemy because after a couple of years marriage I asked myself 2 questions -- Am I as happy now? and would I do it again?

If NO was the answer to both question, I packed my gear.


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## Jackie22 (May 9, 2014)

I can identify with you ladies here...I've been a widow for three years now and will agree to the many advantages of living alone.  I've just recently remodeled my house and with every aspect of doing so, it was done with what "I" wanted, no deer heads on the walls...lol...anyway I'm enjoying the liberty of doing whatever I want and when I want.

Having said that...even though I have lady friends to talk to and to travel with I miss having a man in my life at times, but I don't want the everyday 'picking up the dirty socks' part....maybe just someone to go places with...he can live in his house and me in mine.....lol


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## Bullie76 (May 9, 2014)

kcvet said:


> I think its called set in your ways. I am



I think that is the bottom line with me. If I had married when I was young, I probably would have been happy with that life style. Now, no way I could adjust to being married.

On the other hand, many who were happily married do adjust to being single later in life. My brother died a few years ago and my SIL has adjusted very well. She travels all the time and stays very busy. Still works some and does a lot of charity work. Truth be told....she may be happier now with her freedom. No way my brother would have traveled to all the places she has gone to. Perhaps saying she is happier is a little strong, but she has adjusted well and seems to be just as happy. And I'm glad she is.


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## kcvet (May 9, 2014)

Jackie22 said:


> I can identify with you ladies here...I've been a widow for three years now and will agree to the many advantages of living alone.  I've just recently remodeled my house and with every aspect of doing so, it was done with what "I" wanted, no deer heads on the walls...lol...anyway I'm enjoying the liberty of doing whatever I want and when I want.
> 
> Having said that...even though I have lady friends to talk to and to travel with I miss having a man in my life at times, but I don't want the everyday 'picking up the dirty socks' part....maybe just someone to go places with...he can live in his house and me in mine.....lol





> he can live in his house and me in mine.



seems to be a trend that way now

*Is Living Apart Good for Marriage? For More Americans, Two Roofs May Be Better Than One*


link


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## That Guy (May 9, 2014)




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## lonelynorthwind (May 9, 2014)

I'm single because 32 years ago I went through divorce #3 and decided enough of that!  Either I make bad choices or I'm impossible to live with regardless, the common denominator is me. 

  Jackie22, if you find an extra one of those independent men you described feel free to send him up here.  I'd love to be in a relationship but since I've put myself at the end of the road on a remote island in Alaska.....I think my chances are slim to non at finding one.


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## grannyjo (May 9, 2014)

I've lived alone,  with a dog or cat or both for well over 30 years now.  I cherish the idea that I can do whatever I want,  whenever I want,  without having to consult with anyone else.  I was married for over 13 years,  and I never had any independence.  I was expected to be there when he came home,  expected to have the house clean and tidy and all the washing and ironing done and a hot meal on the table.  Now,  if I choose to,  I can have an egg on toast for my evening meal - leave the washing or ironing for another day.  I certainly know which I prefer.


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## Denise1952 (May 9, 2014)

That Guy said:


>



I liked the one where his date was lovely, until he saw her "man hands" LOLLLLLl!!


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## Denise1952 (May 9, 2014)

Hi Kim,

I guess I have to agree with most here in saying I like my independence, do what I want when I want.  No one to worry about, or take care of but me.  The only problem with that is, I feel like my life is selfish, and it might be nice to have someone to care for other then myself.  So I've made a decision to get a doggy!


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## Ina (May 9, 2014)

Denise, If that is a picture of you, it looks like dog has you, not the other way around. :lol1:


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## Denise1952 (May 9, 2014)

I snagged it online Ina, LOL!  I'm sure that it's a fake pic too, those dogs I do not think get quite that large, LOL!


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## SifuPhil (May 9, 2014)

Been there, done that, got a few T-shirts. Time to move on.

Tired of having to monitor what I say and do; I had always thought that the ideal relationship was one where you could be 100% truthful with someone, but then those _feelings_ get involved and those _feelings_ get hurt.

Oooo ..._ feelings_! Aren't we all bloody proper with our pinkies in the air! Ooooo! 

I think I'm just too self-centered to be in any relationship except with myself. I can't even master _that_ one, so I don't think there's much hope for getting a handle on any other ones.


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## Denise1952 (May 9, 2014)

I read a dating profile once and the guy said he didn't want no gal who didn't think farts were funny!  I wrote him right away, LOL!


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## SifuPhil (May 9, 2014)

nwlady said:


> I read a dating profile once and the guy said he didn't want no gal who didn't think farts were funny!  I wrote him right away, LOL!



Yeah, sounds like he really got to you through your Achilles' Heel!


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## Teddy (May 10, 2014)

I just been  a widower for a little over two months and I miss having a mate to pet and go places together and buy things or her


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## Jackie22 (May 10, 2014)

lonelynorthwind said:


> I'm single because 32 years ago I went through divorce #3 and decided enough of that!  Either I make bad choices or I'm impossible to live with regardless, the common denominator is me.
> 
> Jackie22, if you find an extra one of those independent men you described feel free to send him up here.  I'd love to be in a relationship but since I've put myself at the end of the road on a remote island in Alaska.....I think my chances are slim to non at finding one.



Hi, lonelynorthwind, gee, all this time I thought you were a guy...went back and read some of your post...you live a very interesting life, my hat is off to you, living in the real wilderness, chopping your wood and all, you should write a book..lol

As for that extra independent man, I think my chances are same as yours', slim to none, no one wants an old broad that lives in the boonies.


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## Denise1952 (May 10, 2014)

Teddy said:


> I just been  a widower for a little over two months and I miss having a mate to pet and go places together and buy things or her



Hi Teddy,

I am sorry for you loss, but so glad you are here with us.  I think the problem comes when we get used to being alone.  I feel if a person can find someone to make a life with, the sooner the better.  I mean I know about the mourning, or have read some I should say.  And we need time to grieve.  My older brother, who I don't know well, he and I had the same dad, but two different families, lost his wife of 50 or more years.  After that, we all worried about him, but I just recently talked to one of my nephews, and he said that my brother Bob was keeping time with a widow lady, who was a friend of theirs.  I was so, very relieved.  He was doing well, and when someone is used to being with someone, I think it is great if they meet someone, and can go on to enjoy their lives.

Denise


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## Denise1952 (May 10, 2014)

lonelynorthwind said:


> I'm single because 32 years ago I went through divorce #3 and decided enough of that!  Either I make bad choices or I'm impossible to live with regardless, the common denominator is me.
> 
> Jackie22, if you find an extra one of those independent men you described feel free to send him up here.  I'd love to be in a relationship but since I've put myself at the end of the road on a remote island in Alaska.....I think my chances are slim to non at finding one.



You opened the door for me to say I've been married 3 times as well LNW, thank you for that.  I've had so much shame about that, and now, I have been alone 18.  I think much of it is all about those failures (ok, learning experiences).  Maybe you and I both still have a chance, but I'm finding (and I think you are too) keeping busy with a life on my own is good therapy.  "If" a good match comes along, I wouldn't turn him down  I can be a terror myself.  I love these guys ads (yes, I've tried the dating sites) that say "I don't want a woman with baggage".  Well, I've figured it out, they don't want a woman with baggage because they have so much of their own, there's no room for mine:lofl:  I still hope and dream, I just think we learn how to make better choices, gads I hope so, LOL!!


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## GeorgiaXplant (May 10, 2014)

nwlady, anybody who_ doesn't _have baggage has lived a very emotionally stunted life, and a boring one as well. I say pfffft to that "baggage" line. In the same profiles you'll probably read "no mind games" and other such baloney. Those men probably post their high school and/or military service pictures.


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## Denise1952 (May 10, 2014)

LOL, GeogiaX, betting you are right  They type out all their wants, and it adds up to a 20 year old (if that).  Then you get a load of the guy, and think, he wants all that but doesn't possess any of those qualities, or youthfull-ness himself. I always thought women were the dreamers.  I read one where the guy said he wanted a woman with teeth.  Well, what for, so he can borrow them when he wants to eat something?


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## SifuPhil (May 10, 2014)

Baggage is the result of how we live our lives, not just in the relationship arena but in _all_ aspects. 

Many people cannot "let go" of anything, be it material possessions or love interests. They carry the torch and eventually get burned, becuase what they're doing is living in the past. 

And there's no progress, no forward momentum, when you're constantly living there. 

But it's comfortable, and we're our own worst enemies, so we take a perverse pleasure in beating ourselves up over what we think we did wrong. We analyze and over-analyze and play "What If?" with our ghosts, but it doesn't get us anywhere but depressed and withdrawn.

Oh, and this is my online dating profile - 



LADIES!

I'm looking for ladies who
have NO baggage, aren't
into mind games and just
want a 23-year-old Greek
God to pal around with.

I like to see you taking long 
walks on Main Street at 
night, and me holding the 
money you make. My 
OTHER ladies will enjoy
your company, too! 

I have old-fashioned
values, which are currently
about $100/hr and 10%
discount for groups.


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## GeorgiaXplant (May 10, 2014)

Mmhmm, Phil


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## Denise1952 (May 10, 2014)

:lofl:Well, just another guy that won't pick me  I NEVER remember to ask for the money:sosad:

PS Dead on the mark about "baggage"


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## SifuPhil (May 10, 2014)

I just don't understand why I never get any responses ...


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## Denise1952 (May 10, 2014)

I go for the profiles where the guy isn't wearing shades, try thatlayful:


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## kcvet (May 10, 2014)

nwlady said:


> I go for the profiles where the guy isn't wearing shades, try thatlayful:



i resemble that remark


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## SifuPhil (May 10, 2014)

nwlady said:


> I go for the profiles where the guy isn't wearing shades, try thatlayful:



Ya' think?


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## Denise1952 (May 10, 2014)

LOL!  Love ZZtop!!


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## Denise1952 (May 10, 2014)

umm, nevermind


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## That Guy (May 10, 2014)




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## Denise1952 (May 10, 2014)

LOL, Loved that flic!!  Yep, I think I definitely found my density, but never my destiny, LOL!!


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## CPA-Kim (May 11, 2014)

I'm fine with my dog.  He doesn't mind eating the same thing every day and is always happy to see me. 7 pounds of unconditional love.


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## Denise1952 (May 11, 2014)

Oh Kim, I so want another dog  What a cutie-pie  They are such wonderful company!!  And they don't talk with their mouth full, LOL!!


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## Bullie76 (May 11, 2014)

CPA-Kim said:


> I'm fine with my dog.  He doesn't mind eating the same thing every day and is always happy to see me. 7 pounds of unconditional love.
> View attachment 6640



Me too, only mine weighs about 90lbs more than yours. He's a great dog though. He sleeps on the bed in the guest bedroom(spoiled, I know) and every morning I hear him jump down off the bed. He comes in my room to see if I'm awake and if I just lay there and pretend to be asleep, he lays on the floor until I show signs of life. Pretty funny. Of course when I move, he's ready for me to get up and feed him.


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## Amethyst1 (May 12, 2014)

I am perpetually single, I figure, because I am too honest for my own good, too smart for my own good and too unique.
I rarely find important things in common with other people, especially women. Of any age, race or ethnicity.

I can't relate to attractive women who have totally given up. Maybe they have no libido any more. But I understand it because so many of them
are on dating sites, just going through the motions to see if Mr. Perfecto shows up. (He won't.)
My favorite explanation for my poor luck is that in an earlier life I was very bad to women, so God is punishing me in this life!
Thanks a lot, God.


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## CPA-Kim (May 12, 2014)

nwlady said:


> Oh Kim, I so want another dog  What a cutie-pie  They are such wonderful company!!  And they don't talk with their mouth full, LOL!!



I just don't know what I'd do without little Ace.  He asks for nothing and gives so much.


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## Mirabilis (May 13, 2014)

Initially I decided not to date because I was (and still am) raising a young son and I did not want any conflict and I spent all of my 40s without dating.  Now that I am 52 I think I am just way too old to start dating again.  Last time I dated I was in my late 30s - I wouldn't even know how to start. Anyways I firmly believe men prefer dating much younger women so I would have to start looking for a sexy 70-yr old guy out there (haha).


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## GeorgiaXplant (May 13, 2014)

Mira, you never know when a Personal Person will turn up in your life no matter what your age, and it's usually when you're not looking


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## Denise1952 (May 13, 2014)

Speak of TV on Davey's thread, I think my biggest problem with life has been growing up watching TV and movies.  Real life turned out to be opposite in too many ways.  I admire those who either didn't watch tv/movies, or those that never bought into the lie many portrayed.  I'm not saying life is horrible in every way, I'm just saying this silly woman fell for the fairytail, still have problems over it.  I call myself a realist but yet I am still hoping for this miracle guy to walk into my life

Oh well, I am surviving without, and learning to accept things the way they are.  Including the wonderful "aging" process.  You're young to me, but I do know it's how we see ourselves that is most important.  By the way, I've seen some sexy 70 year olds, but they are usually taken:sosad:and if they aren't, they just don't find me attractive:sosad:


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## GeorgiaXplant (May 13, 2014)

nwlady, that's only because they don't have good taste!


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## kcvet (May 13, 2014)

Mirabilis said:


> Initially I decided not to date because I was (and still am) raising a young son and I did not want any conflict and I spent all of my 40s without dating.  Now that I am 52 I think I am just way too old to start dating again.  Last time I dated I was in my late 30s - I wouldn't even know how to start. Anyways I firmly believe men prefer dating much younger women so I would have to start looking for a sexy 70-yr old guy out there (haha).



a sexy 70-yr old guy??? hmmm






:what1:


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## Mirabilis (May 13, 2014)

ohh that was disturbing lol


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## Denise1952 (May 13, 2014)

kcvet said:


> a sexy 70-yr old guy??? hmmm
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Oh I loved this!!! Thanks KC!! LOL!!  Yeah, I'm lookin for me own age.  See some younger hunks, but sure not attracted to them Heck, they don't even know what records are, or b & w tv, let alone The Thing, LOLLLLL!


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## Ina (May 13, 2014)

Mirabilis, My son Michael married three times. Once at 19 and again at 23. He said he found them mentally too young and clinging. He was single for 10 years, and I worried that he would spend his life alone. At 34 he met the love of his life. My son said he liked that she could care for herself, and was mentally mature enough not to need someone else to think for her. She was 13 years older than him, and 3 years younger than I. They had to 6 great years together before an auto accident took her. After her death is when he moved back to our home. He said he could never love anyone again, and he would never marry again.
So what I saying is don't give up, or short change good men.:yes:k:


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## SifuPhil (May 13, 2014)

CPA-Kim said:


> I'm fine with my dog.  He doesn't mind eating the same thing every day and is always happy to see me. 7 pounds of unconditional love.



Is that a femur or a tibia that he's chewing on? :uncomfortableness:


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## Ruth (May 17, 2014)

You must be my twin! I am a 63 year old retired lady, introvert, Myers-Briggs INTP (borderline I/E). I cook all of my meals from scratch, too (low carb) and love ethnic foods. I understand that my personality type is only 1% of the population so it is great to encounter someone who might be the same personality type! I don't smoke or drink, either. I'm in your state, too (how cool!)


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## Amethyst1 (May 19, 2014)

RUTH,
   are you referring to me? I am not familiar with Myers-Brigg and what is borderline I/E?


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## That Guy (May 19, 2014)

Amethyst1 said:


> RUTH,
> are you referring to me? I am not familiar with Myers-Brigg and what is borderline I/E?


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## Denise1952 (May 19, 2014)

I've heard of that "test" or whatever it is.  I've never taken it, I don't think it works on people from other planets:newhere:


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## CPA-Kim (May 19, 2014)

Ruth said:


> You must be my twin! I am a 63 year old retired lady, introvert, Myers-Briggs INTP (borderline I/E). I cook all of my meals from scratch, too (low carb) and love ethnic foods. I understand that my personality type is only 1% of the population so it is great to encounter someone who might be the same personality type! I don't smoke or drink, either. I'm in your state, too (how cool!)



I'm an ENFJ   Extremely strong on all of the preferences.  Lately, I find myself becoming more of an Introvert.  I used to teach M-B seminars at the college as part of our weekend Human Potential class.


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## CPA-Kim (May 19, 2014)

http://www.keirsey.com/sorter/instruments2.aspx?partid=0

Here's an extremely watered down version of the test.


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## Kaya (May 19, 2014)

omg..that vid was HILARIOUS!!!


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## Denise1952 (May 19, 2014)

That was kind of interesting to do Kim, thanks  Hard on some because both answers I felt the same about, but just picked one  Ty, Denise


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