Watching young mums make mistakes.

R

Rose65

Senior Member
Location
United Kingdom
Bringing up children is a stressful thing. There is a young mum I know, we are friends. She has a two year old boy who is adorable. However, she's struggling hugely.

I can see it's because she has made him the centre of her life to an excessive level. From her chat I understand she is constantly out of the house with him, spending a lot of money entertaining him. Meanwhile her house is a tip - I've had a cuppa with her a few times and couldn't believe the mess . She openly says she hates housework. They have takeaways and ready meals a lot as she hates cooking. The costs must be huge.

Result - her husband now works later and later, so she feels he's missing out on his son. Tensions are rising. Her child is utterly spoilt and now screams everywhere they go. She's so exhausted.

I've made mistakes myself of course, it hard to bring up children. I'm sure I was no better. I cannot advise her or interfere, I just listen. But if I could advise, I would say stabilise, be at home. Get the place tidy, do the cleaning like we all must. Plan and cook economically, stop wasting money on going out and eating out while her husband struggles to earn. They have rent and bills piling up.

Children do not need constant stimulation, they need love, security and some favourite toys. Not the mountain of toys so many young parents buy these days. You can't move in their house for toys. Above all, take control, don't let the child dictate your life. They need boundaries, discipline and routines.

It's hard seeing the basic mistakes young parents make and how unhappy they can be. Wasting time, energy and money. There is no escape from housework and budgeting.
 

caramel said:
We all have different lessons to learn.

If it turns out great for her and she finds a pot of gold somehow, will you be happy for her that her lessons are not the ones you expected? Life can have a funny way of turning out differently than we expect.
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Let's hope so, for her sake.
I've learned not to even try to advise anyone unless they ask me. I remember how stubborn and stupid I often was when I was young. But we all live and learn, though it can be a difficult path.
 
Rose65 said:
Let's hope so, for her sake.
I've learned not to even try to advise anyone unless they ask me. I remember how stubborn and stupid I often was when I was young. But we all live and learn, though it can be a difficult path.
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I'm sure you were doing the best you could with the resources and knowledge you had, as we all are.
 
PeppermintPatty said:
I mind my own business.
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I do, but I do observe young people making mistakes. It's hard not to say something but if you do, they
Paco Dennis said:
If she/they need counseling, the professionals are there for that. IMO it's important to respect your friend's autonomy and decisions, while also being there for her as a supportive and non-judgmental friend. It's clear that you care deeply about her well-being, and your friendship and support may be invaluable to her as she navigates the challenges of parenthood. :)
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Yes, it's usually best to just listen, let people unburden themselves. It's hard to stop yourself giving advice as it might not be welcome.
 
I think about all the things I didn't get when I was young. Though my upbrining was far from good. I can't imagine having a kid at that age.

I heard a woman at a garage sale once say she buys toys, kids play with them, she puts them away. In a few months they are new again to them. I guess this lasts to a certain age only.
 
It is a shame for a parent to focus on a child this much, because once the child goes to school, he will find out that he is Not the center of attention and might act up in school because of that.

But it sounds like there is more to this situation.....maybe the mother is not getting enough attention and support from her husband.

I learned that often we observe something, that we feel should be resolved, but often it is best not to attempt to intervene.
 
I was 20 when I had my daughter. My new husband was at sea ( in the Navy) for up to 7 months at a time , so I was essentially a single parent. I was far from friends and family and in a new city... I had no money..I had just enough to buy milk and nappies for my baby.. and for 6 months I lived on eggs and potatoes because I had nothing more to buy food with..

My house however was clean.. my child got the best food I could buy for her.. and that includes when she went onto solids...

I'd had no previous experience with babies, and no mother to get advice from...nor was there any internet to be able to google what to do...and how to do things as a new mum

Today too many young women are lazy..that's the be all and end all of it. They want to sit using their phones, get food that takes a minute to microwave to feed their families, and expect everyone else to do the hard work for them.. while thy flounce around in designer clothing, and or cars..
 
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hollydolly said:
I was 20 when I had my daughter. My new husband was at sea ( in the Navy) for up to 7 months at a time , so I was essentially a single parent. I was far from friends and family and in a new city... I had no money..I had just enough to buy milk and nappies for my baby.. and for 6 months I lived on eggs and potatoes because I had nothing more to buy food with..

My house however was clean.. my child got the best food I could buy for her.. and that includes when she went onto solids...

I'd had no previous experience with babies, and no mother to get advice from

Today too many young women are lazy..that's the be all and end all of it. They want to sit using their phones, get food that takes a minute to microwave to feed their families, and expect everyone else to do the hard work for them.. while thy flounce around in designer clothing, and or cars..
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This young mum feels no need to cook or clean. Just always out spending money on tickets, coffees, snacks. The child is well cared for but there's no real routine. The husband works long hours and arrives home to chaos, screaming child, no food, exhausted wife. It just doesn't bode well long term .
 
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Rose65 said:
This young mum feels no need to cook or clean. Just always out spending money on tickets, coffees, snacks. The child is well cared for but there's no real routine. The husband works long hours and arrives home to chaos, screaming child, no food, exhausted wife. It just doesn't bode well long term .
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she can hardly be ''exhausted'' when she's not cooked or cleaned. This is indicative of so many young parents these days...the child is screaming probably because there's no routine, and he'll be getting fed high sugar I have no doubt.
 
hollydolly said:
she can hardly be ''exhausted'' when she's not cooked or cleaned. This is indicative of so many young parents these days...the child is screaming probably because there's no routine, and he'll be getting fed high sugar I have no doubt.
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Probably. I'm afraid motherhood and running a home smoothly involves a lot of work and effort.
 
Rose65 said:
Probably. I'm afraid motherhood and running a home smoothly involves a lot of work and effort.
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well we've all done it, and raised our children well in a clean home.... no excuse for not doing it, unless she's lazy or suffering from PN depression...

remember many of us worked outside the home as well while raising our children, and keeping a nice home. A young woman not working, not cooking , and not cleaning...needs a good talking to...
 
hollydolly said:
well we've all done it, and raised our children well in a clean home.... no excuse for not doing it, unless she's lazy or suffering from PN depression...

remember many of us worked outside the home as well while raising our children, and keeping a nice home. A young woman not working, not cooking , and not cleaning...needs a good talking to...
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Indeed, certainly not perfection or anything but don't live in a complete chaos.
 


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