Where's a disabled guy supposed to get friends?

fuzzybuddy

fuzzybuddy

SF VIP
Location
Northeast PA. 3 miles from the Pocono race track
Most friends come from family members and work associates. Well, my family is 250 miles away, and I've been disabled, and out of work for 22 years. So, how am I supposed to make friends? I tried a senior center. But I'm a single, non religious, guy , and hate bingo. Plus, I'm looking for a friend, not a mate, which does not come over that well in a room filled with widows. So, where's a disabled guy supposed to get friends?
 

I hear ya. I'm a single female who does happen to like Bingo but they don't have Bingo around here much anymore. And even when they did have Bingo (around here anyway) it was supposed to be conducted with very little talking except for the caller; a friend went with other friends to Bingo once and got scolded for talking too much. ("Shhhh! We're trying to concentrate on the game!" they told her.)

But like you, I'm not religious. I've been told (by a psychiatrist!) to go to church anyway if I wanted socialization, sigh. But being an atheist, I don't believe in the supernatural at all, so talk like that bores me to tears. So I should go be around people once a week who I know for a fact are going to bore me? Why should I put myself through that?

And I'm not completely disabled but I no longer drive and there's no where around here to walk to. And like I told that psychiatrist, even if you do drive or can take an Uber, there are no gathering places in this whole area other than churches or bars so really limited chances to socialize at all let alone make friends. She looked startled when I told her that and said, "Huh! You know, I hadn't thought about that! You're right: if there are really no people around to socialize with, it is really hard to socialize, isn't it?" (Duh, lady.)

You know, I'm on a few sites that have some young people on them, and whenever I get a chance, I've told these young people to, if possible, not strand themselves in a rural area. They might like it while they're still working, but once they become retired and elderly, it'll be lonely and inconvenient. Unless they come from one of those rapidly-disappearing, old-fashioned, big happy all-stay-in-the-same-town-forever, families, but let's face it: there are fewer and fewer families like that.
 
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Married & not disabled,,but hear you about places for seniors to gather.

We do have a senior center for those that live n town.
They have, low cost, daily meals that you can go to stay to chat with others.

Hubby won't go. ??

If we are out & about,, I'll chatter to old friends we 'bump' into while shopping.
This happened recently & I just now realized hubby isn't.hearing all of the conversations..

This is an odd suggestion,, got to the thrift stores to look around,,,maybe start a chat with another person who is looking?

Or ask the clerk if they are looking for help.
Perhaps become a Greeter some where?
 

Is your doctor giving you a hard time about not being social enough? Just wondering. Mine drives me nuts with it. I have two sons who live in a town over a half hour away. She wants to know how often I see them, and what do I do between visits. I have to lie or she types on her little computer that I have no social life. Poor me, I live alone and don't mind it. I must have early dementia, puts a big red exclamation point in my file.
 
I'm just enuff disablewd to not be able to cruise the grocery or
any malls (are there any).....so have not driven in 6 yrs, not many friends except those who help me with needs according to their
agency...but hell I'm used to it now....don't think I'd want a
busy social life....too many aches and pains.....
 
If you mean IRL friends, I don't know the answer. If you mean genuine true friendships that involve conversations and talking about everything under the sun often on a daily basis, I have found over the years that *real* friendships are formed in places like right here... forum PMs or email. I know old school mates and work colleagues that I'd have to cringe to see them coming toward me... not so when the friendship is formed with sharing daily mails with people who become true friends.

That's just my two cents 🪙🪙 but if you'd be content with that kind of friendship, you'll have to reach out to people you think would want the same. Good luck with whatever you decide, Fuzz!
 
officerripley said:
I hear ya. I'm a single female who does happen to like Bingo but they don't have Bingo around here much anymore. And even when they did have Bingo (around here anyway) it was supposed to be conducted with very little talking except for the caller; a friend went with other friends to Bingo once and got scolded for talking too much. ("Shhhh! We're trying to concentrate on the game!" they told her.)

But like you, I'm not religious. I've been told (by a psychiatrist!) to go to church anyway if I wanted socialization, sigh. But being an atheist, I don't believe in the supernatural at all, so talk like that bores me to tears. So I should go be around people once a week who I know for a fact are going to bore me? Why should I put myself through that?

And I'm not completely disabled but I no longer drive and there's no where around here to walk to. And like I told that psychiatrist, even if you do drive or can take an Uber, there are no gathering places in this whole area other than churches or bars so really limited chances to socialize at all let alone make friends. She looked startled when I told her that and said, "Huh! You know, I hadn't thought about that! You're right: if there are really no people around to socialize with, it is really hard to socialize, isn't it?" (Duh, lady.)

You know, I'm on a few sites that have some young people on them, and whenever I get a chance, I've told these young people to, if possible, not strand themselves in a rural area. They might like it while they're still working, but once they become retired and elderly, it'll be lonely and inconvenient. Unless they come from one of those rapidly-disappearing, old-fashioned, big happy all-stay-in-the-same-town-forever, families, but let's face it: there are fewer and fewer families like that.
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" Unless they come from those rapidly disappearing, old-fashioned, - - - - -,- -". Sounds like you're describing our family. LOL Everyone's doing moderately well but we, as a group, didn't rush off helter-skelter, chasing the big bucks. Guess we're a dying breed, but still a happy group.
 
It is hard to have a social life when we are older and can’t go places anymore, and do not have family around. My only family are my 3 children, and i usually only chat with them online anymore, and they all have busy lives.
The two people that were family and that I chatted with online almost every day both passed away in the last 2 years, and now I pretty much only chat with people that I know from online forums, and that is not a lot.

There is a senior center here, but it is always packed full of cars, and I just never felt comfortable when I did try going there, either. My husband is most comfortable at home, so we seldom go anywhere together, except when we go to the fitness center because he likes going there.
 
I have a friend who goes to a few different senior centers, so try out a few different ones if you have them nearby. She has more than just bingo. I know they have had dances, presentations, murder mysteries, musical talent nights, etc. I know the musical talent night had so many performers waiting in the queue, not everyone got on stage. Very popular.
 
I am fortunate to have moved into a senior living apartment building almost six years ago. It is up to me how social I want to be on any given day. Someone is always knocking on my door or I can go to their door. We have activities which are increasing with our new manager. There are a few different places I can go outside the building since it is located downtown. I am happy to have moved from a very rural home to where I am now.
 
Do you like sporting events or the theatre? I have met nice people just sitting next to them at the theatre. How about going to the Pocono race track, that might be a fun thing to do.
 
While I was in a wheelchair and living up in the hills, my sons showed me how to find and join online chat groups that had the same interests as me. I joined 3 interest groups; art, writing, and fishing. Through the fishing group, I met a guy who took me fishing with him at the local river almost every weekend.

This guy actually loaded my wheelchair into the bed of his truck, helped me in and out of the passenger seat, pushed me down to the river via a boat ramp or a pier, bridge, or the power dam, and set up my pole for me.

If you want to actually meet people in person, it's important to look for local groups. That's how I found my fishing buddy.

We still went fishing together now and then after I was out of a wheelchair, but not as often as before. By then, I'd moved to the city, 80 or so miles away. Plus, his health started declining (he was almost 20yrs older than me and a heavy smoker), so it was mostly me taking him to the river. Which was totally cool.
He passed away in 2019.
 
DaveA said:
we, as a group, didn't rush off helter-skelter, chasing the big bucks
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From my experience and especially that of my parents' (Depression-era) generation, it wasn't "chasing of big bucks"; instead it was a desperate chasing of any bucks at all. But then, my dad grew up in the South and both my mom and I grew up out here in the West, both places where if you wanted a job of any kind whatsoever, you had to move into or very close to a large city.
 
katlupe said:
I am fortunate to have moved into a senior living apartment building almost six years ago. It is up to me how social I want to be on any given day. Someone is always knocking on my door or I can go to their door. We have activities which are increasing with our new manager. There are a few different places I can go outside the building since it is located downtown. I am happy to have moved from a very rural home to where I am now.
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Sounds perfect to me. Unfortunately, some place like that sounds like the basement of hell to my Huzz; so here we stay.
 
birdy said:
I have a friend who goes to a few different senior centers, so try out a few different ones if you have them nearby. She has more than just bingo. I know they have had dances, presentations, murder mysteries, musical talent nights, etc. I know the musical talent night had so many performers waiting in the queue, not everyone got on stage. Very popular.
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I wish we had a seniors center here but from what I understand, there never has been one. There are a couple of small farming type towns each at least 30 min. away that have them.
 
Happyflowerlady said:
It is hard to have a social life when we are older and can’t go places anymore, and do not have family around. My only family are my 3 children, and i usually only chat with them online anymore, and they all have busy lives.
The two people that were family and that I chatted with online almost every day both passed away in the last 2 years, and now I pretty much only chat with people that I know from online forums, and that is not a lot.

There is a senior center here, but it is always packed full of cars, and I just never felt comfortable when I did try going there, either. My husband is most comfortable at home, so we seldom go anywhere together, except when we go to the fitness center because he likes going there.
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You're right it is so much harder when you're older and don't drive (or don't drive much). When you're working and/or trying to take care of elderly parents, you don't have as much time as you'd like to socialize (or I didn't anway). Now that we old, I don't really drive anymore and there's nothing to do around here anyway. Ain't life grand? :rolleyes:

We don't really have a senior center; there's a place called Passages but it's only to help with problems, like finding caregivers, rides to appointments, etc., which is nice, but most of the place is run by volunteers which they're having trouble finding so good luck trying to use them. And there's nothing geared toward seniors for fun. Never has been, maybe because we've always been a small university town with no industry and everything geared toward the college kids?
 
@fuzzybuddy ....If you're a veteran...maybe... if you have an American Leagan..call them..to see if there's a group too join
Also, libraries...have events...
Ours... has/had a Book clubs..for Guys…
Volunteer...
I know a 90 yr.old ...(still drives) who volunteers at the local hospital..desk duty..loves it.
Gets her out...socializes.
 

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