Why do bad things happen to good people?

Paco Dennis

Paco Dennis

SF VIP
Location
Mid-Missouri
In the past 6 months I have developed nerve damage that has changed my life around. It developed slowly and now I am confined to a comfort chair. I can exercise for about 1/2 an hour before the pain and fatigue get me to sit down again.

Before this happened I was active. I worked around the farm. I enjoyed friends and family visits. I listened and created music. My life was going ok. Now, all that has come to "pause"...I hope. My disease is usually not curable. One needs to learn how to manage physical and mental/emotional suffering. There are many helpful methods ( many are discussed on this forum ).

If people are interested in my journey, I will be posting to this diary when the spirit moves me. I do not desire any SORROW from others about this. I know that millions of people face suffering all over the world everyday. So this is an account of my life and thoughts that begins in my 70th decade journey.

I decided to start this diary because I have been part of this online community for about 7 months and have enjoyed the people and variety of interests and the variety of views shared openly. I don't like being "self" interested but because of the onset of this illness I have become very self involved.

It is difficult to get beyond the almost constant pain but that is what needs to be done, and it can be. I now have Zoom meetings with others that have "Peripheral Neuropathy." There are about 8 percent of seniors who suffer from this illness. (Misa just said that there was a shooting in Columbia and 3 people were injured. So pain visited them and there friends and family.) Suffering is with us in some ways each day.

I have hesitated to start this diary because this forum seems to emphasize happiness and joy about life. We are encouraged to keep things light hearted. I am needing to express this journey that has changed my ability to enjoy life like I once did. This illness could pass or they might eventually find some cure, but for now this is what it is.

I do want you to post your thoughts/feelings when the spirit moves you. Life is filled with complex issues, and I hear of "management techniques" daily to help keep us going. We post about these issues too here in different form. Different things work for some people but they don't for others.

We all have to find our own way to thrive. I am having a tendency to withdraw into myself and I don't not think that is the best way to go. So I am hoping that this diary will keep me open to telling what is happening in my world on our farm.
 

I have peripheral neuropathy, and I've learned for the most part to deal with it. When it flares up, I just rest until it settles down. It does affect my balance, though, and I'll have to use a walker very soon.

But, I enjoy life on the whole and try to occupy myself with pleasant activities.
 

I wrote a book for therapy and laughs. Sometimes we tend to focus on “bad things” (guilty) because of their impact mentally and physically. Bad things happen equally to “bad people” statistically speaking. August, September and parts of October sucked big ones for me, now it’s time to suck it up. Yikes!
 
Thanks!!! Ok I'll do it. First a couple explanations. That 70th decade would make me 700 YEARS OLD! :)
It is the beginning of my 6th decade. ( I think?). And I am not claiming to be a "good" person. I do not regret my past, and who am I to judge anyone including myself. But as our resident Aunt says, **** happens to us all.
 
Last edited:
Lewkat said:
I have peripheral neuropathy, and I've learned for the most part to deal with it. When it flares up, I just rest until it settles down. It does affect my balance, though, and I'll have to use a walker very soon.

But, I enjoy life on the whole and try to occupy myself with pleasant activities.
Click to expand...

I sometimes worry that is going to happen to me. I am having balance issues, and sprained my back a few days ago keeping upright. I can see a walker in my future. We have to learn to deal with it, and go with what is needed to keep us going. In my mind you are a warrior and you have great posts. Just like everyone also. :)
 
Because being bad or good (whatever those terms mean), is not a factor on what randomly by chance occurs in our lives with exceptions of being formally penalized, awarded, or judged. Otherwise good people would be setting up shop in Las Vegas. Tomorrow, any of we seniors could find out we have some mortal disease or be mutilated for life by a drunk driver. Life isn't fair and no one gets out of here alive.
 
I remember once hearing in a psychology class that we all go through issues and crises in life, it's the people who can "cope" with them that are better off. It's how we react to what life sends our way. I've been down so many times in my life, in so many ways, it's a miracle I'm alive. I keep bouncing back. Have faith in your body. Listen to it. It's trying to tell you something.
 
@Paco Dennis, I have nothing to offer on this topic from personal experience but I have always taken inspiration from the example of others who have dealt courageously with health issues and limitations that I would find intolerable. In particular, I see children who are born disabled or different who get on with making a life from day one and I realise how lucky I have been all the days of my life.

I think the first time I was in awe of someone was when I met a friend of my grandmother, who at the age of eighteen, had been in a house fire and as a result had both legs amputated close to her hips. She lived the rest of her life on the floor without any prosthetics, never married but raised a nephew. The only task that was beyond her was putting the washing on the clothesline. For that she needed help. I cannot remember her name and I only saw her the once but to me she has always been an inspiration.

Peripheral neuropathy sucks and I will be following your accounts of your journey.
I wish you all the qualities you need to travel as best you can into the future.
 
I always derive something relevant and interesting from your posts. No sorrow here, just an appreciation of your sharing the knowledge that life is a struggle, at times more so than at others. I joke around a lot, but that is my personal coping mechanism for dealing with pain and other ills of old age.

“You don’t stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.” George Bernard Shaw
 
Thank you for the sharing here in this thread, and with us,
@Paco Dennis
We never know how much (or little) our sharing's with others, have a ripple effect, and help someone else, or effect them for the better, in some manner.
Just one of the phrases or comments you make, with your honesty, might help someone else, in one of so many ways. And might help you as well. In fact, I am certain that your writing in this thread, already has, done some of both!
 
Paco Dennis said:
In the past 6 months I have developed nerve damage that has changed my life around. Before this happened I was active. Now, all that has come to "pause"...I hope. My disease is usually not curable. One needs to learn how to manage physical and mental/emotional suffering.
If people are interested in my journey, I will be posting to this diary when the spirit moves me. So this is an account of my life and thoughts that begins in my 70th decade journey.
I am needing to express this journey that has changed my ability to enjoy life like I once did. This illness could pass or they might eventually find some cure, but for now this is what it is.
I do want you to post your thoughts/feelings when the spirit moves you. Life is filled with complex issues, and I hear of "management techniques" daily to help keep us going. We all have to find our own way to thrive. I am having a tendency to withdraw into myself and I don't not think that is the best way to go. So I am hoping that this diary will keep me open to telling what is happening in my world on our farm.
Click to expand...
I'll be here. ❤️
 
It does help to write everything down in a journal dennis
My hubby has done this for the past 10 yrs

I often wonder also why these things happen to the nicest of people
Why they deserve this wonders belief
When the low life’s out there are raving it up !!!

Stay positive and focused Dennis x
 
Last night I was able to sleep 5-6 hours again in the chair. I take the pain meds and go to bed about 10 and sleep till about 2am. Then more meds and can sleep till about 5-6am. I awake with strong pain from head to feet, but especially in my ears and sinuses. The pain med I use when needed is THC called "Blue Dream". This is strictly for relief of pain. I do not get high and don't want to. There is quite a bit of controversy about the use of marijuana. The industry is making tons of money and it's legalization may come soon.
"Marijuana is a Schedule I substance under the Controlled Substances Act, meaning that it has a high potential for abuse, no currently accepted medical use in treatment in the United States, and a lack of accepted safety for use under medical supervision."
There are medical marijuana doctors now. In Missouri you have to talk to one before you can get a license. I have one for IBS and neuropathy. It helps so much, and I do not want to take anymore prescription meds. If this illness progresses, as it often does...we will cross that bridge when it comes. I have no desire to convince others that THC use is right for them. Everyone reacts differently to it, just as everyone reacts differently to all phenomena.
As I grow older I recognize that there are several things that I once could do that I can't anymore, and that is a lot. I don't mean running 2 miles, or playing tennis. I mean things like doing the dishes in one setting. Mow the lawn, do the laundry in town, shop for our groceries, even change the litter box. Patience is a virtue that eludes me, and has my whole life. Now it is a virtue that I am learning by necessity.

Misa's son and granddaughter drove from Kansas to see her yesterday evening. It turned out to be quite an adventure. As they got near Columbia they were stopped on I-70 because of a grass fire ( & all the dry leaves on the ground also ) that was so smoky there was 0% visibility. AND it was MU's ( Big 12 ) homecoming football game and all the trimmings. They won the game and then about 1/3 of 46,000 people hit the road to go home on I-70. So they are stuck 40 miles from here. Misa was using the laptop to monitor road traffic, and find alternate routes. It was all done on our new technologies. ones and zeros. Within about an hour she guided them safely to get here.

I use to listen to Ram Das and understood his message. He was a professor who became a Hindu/Buddhist...etc. He was articulate, and could weave together life's circumstances and then explain the mysteries of living. He wasn't everyone's cup of tea, but he was a famous speaker. He had stoke and it changed his life BIG TIME. I can relate to his experience and the challenges he faced. Here is short video of an interview with him after his stroke.
about 3 min.


I had a Zoom meeting with about 20 people sponsored by the Western Neuropathy Association ( https://pnhelp.org/ ) yesterday. Some have been struggling with this illness for 10-20 years. They still are searching for ways to cope with their conditions. Some are severe and some are not. Some methods work for some but not for others.

Tomorrow I might have the results of the MRI of my cervical spine and brain.
 
I am so sorry for what you’re dealing with. Pain of any description sucks, but for me, (and I don’t think I’m alone in this) unrelenting pain is the worst.

I have a high pain tolerance, but I’ve never had to deal with pain that just doesn’t quit. I’ve had some excruciating pain (tooth abscess, shingles, pinched nerve) that was so debilitating that I couldn’t focus on anything else, but it was relatively short lived…days or weeks. To live with that level of pain as a way of life is incomprehensible to me.

I don’t have any words of wisdom or advice, I just wanted you to know that I hear you and that I admire your courage.
 
Aunt Mavis said:
I wrote a book for therapy and laughs. Sometimes we tend to focus on “bad things” (guilty) because of their impact mentally and physically. Bad things happen equally to “bad people” statistically speaking. August, September and parts of October sucked big ones for me, now it’s time to suck it up. Yikes!
Click to expand...
My first thought was they happen to 'bad people' as often but observers prone to judgments don't notice as much or are 'glad' of it--call it 'karma'. Whereas when it happens to someone they think of as 'good person' They somehow feel it is 'unfair'. (Welcome to incarnate life, folks. It is not always fair.) When bad things happen to them(us) we tend to view it thru the same lens that labels the same behavior as aggressive in others, assertive in ourselves or stubborn in others and persistent in ourselves.
 
The MRI shows fusion of the C5 and C6 vertebrae. As you can see I have fixed it. ( new avatar :) ) I googled it and it is possible they will suggest surgery. So far from listening to others who have had neck surgery, I am not thrilled that it will turn out "better". Maybe someone here has had this type of surgery....how did it go for you?
 
Last edited:
I got sick last night somehow. I got real hot, and started getting dizzy, nauseous, and felt a mild sense of vertigo. It was the first time I used melatonin in a week. I googled the side effects of melatonin and it could be I had a those side effects last night. I got to sleep around 2am in my bed and slept until 6:30. That sudden illness is gone now. After doing some research it seems like the fusion of the C5 - C6 vertebrae is important. The C-6 vertebrae, when damaged, effects neck, shoulders, EARS, and head areas. That is where there is the most pain. The cold and hot sensations continue but they seem to not be the dominant illness of what this nerve damage is doing.
My younger brother has a terrible neck injury from football in high school. He has been in pain with it for 35 years. Has been on strong narcotics and many mental health drugs. He is a pastor at a church in California. They are very supportive of him. I have been calling him once or twice a week about this nerve damage I have now. It is a good thing that we have been talking. We were very happy as brothers growing up, and now we are "close" again through these weird circumstances.
It is a rainy day here and the temperature dropped about 30 degrees. It will rain most of the day. I will stay busy, keep a positive attitude, and get involved in happenings around me. I guess that is about all a person can do. :)
 
@Paco Dennis, I am sorry to hear that you are going through these problems and hope you can find relief. I hope the chair you mentioned is a help to you, what kind did you get? I'm not sure why it is but nights always seem to be harder than daylight hours when you are dealing with life's issues. Maybe it's because we are more isolated during the night, it's always a relief to know dawn will soon break. With today's technology it is some comfort to know that we can reach out to one group or another 24/7, finding the groups that hold your interest is part of the challenge. Know that I am thinking about all of you sometimes even in the middle of the night.

I like the new avatar, it reminds me of the cartoon inspector gadget.
 
Paco Dennis said:
The MRI shows fusion of the C5 and C6 vertebrae. As you can see I have fixed it. ( new avatar :) ) I googled it and it is possible they will suggest surgery. So far from listening to others who have had neck surgery, I am not thrilled that it will turn out "better". Maybe someone here has had this type of surgery....how did it go for you?
Click to expand...
I had cervical spine surgery, the pain I had before the surgery was unbearable. The surgery was from c-1 to c-7. Some parts were fused some were pinned with titanium rods. Use of my left arm & hand disappeared, so therapy was supposed to be the solution. The therapist told me it can take up to a year to fully recover muscle nerve damage.

I suspect the surgeon that did my surgery was a D level surgeon. A year later still no use & muscle tone had depleted to a step above zero. I say the surgeon was probably a D level because his fix left my spine with severe nerve compression between c-3 & c-6.

I live with no use of my left arm & hand other than making the hand a nice flat surface for carrying plates to the sink after eating. I've gotten used to the constant level 3 pain. Lucky for me the sensory nerves that transmit that pain are still intact:mad:

My only reason for describing this is to ask you to do your research about any surgeon you may use to help you.
 
That ol' saying "It is darkest just before dawn" has entered my mind many times over the years. Between 4am and dawn everything is so quite. It is nice to have our technology to reach out to others. The world has changed so fast that I think there is a bit of "jet" lag we feel at times. I think the rate of change effects us all in mysterious ways...different for everyone...but different. :)
 
@Paco Dennis, I've had neck issues since the 90s. No surgery or narcotics since then. Even after I fell down a flight of stairs in 2008 and was told I'd be paralyzed if I fell again, I'm still going forward. Of course, I made A LOT of drastic changes and will share with you what I did (everyone is different, so they might not pertain to you, and then again...)

1) Know this, that what you used to do, you can no longer do - no lifting of anything large or heavy. My neck would tell me if I overshot that. I switched from playing viola (heavy) to violin (light). I stopped lifting my purse which was heavy. Took breaks.
2) I had dizzy spells for 9 months after my fall - found out if I move my head a certain way, they went away.
3) Discovered that when I went to a lecture, if my head was turned a certain way toward the speaker, lots of pain. So I learned to sit with my head tilted at a certain angle (I could look left but not right) and that helped.
4) I switched my chairs - no chairs with rollers. I needed to be able to sit in a chair without incurring any pain. I found an IKEA one with arm rests. Had it for over 20 yeas.
5) Pillows are vital in getting a good night's rest. Two pillows - one hard and one soft is good for me. I can sink my head on the soft one.
6) For sleep, although it doesn't bother me that I don't sleep right away, I take advantage of that time and reflect in bed. I have a notebook and write down my thoughts, and poems. It's actually a lot of fun because I can create, and I don't have anyone interfering in my thoughts. If I don't sleep all the way through, that's ok, I make up for it with a nap the next day. Don't believe in pills.

So my thoughts are, go with the flow, accept your body, don't fight it. Try to accommodate it like your best friend and lover.
 


Back
Top