Help! I retired a year ago this month and the anxiety is worse than ever!

M

MR_Ritz

New Member
We moved to a new house last year for my wife's job. It wasn't really the house I wanted but we were under pressure to find a place since our house had already sold so we took what was acceptable.

Since we moved, I was now too far from my work and we decided that I could retire since I was old enough to get into my 401K (60).

So I did a double whammy of moving from our home of 26 years and retiring at the same time.

I've always had problems with anxiety and depression, but the anxiety is worse than ever. Seeing councillors hasn't helped that much, but now I have a psychiatrist who is working on medication, but it's still early.

To top it off, I've developed some heart issues, which although fairly minor, still scare me quite a bit.

I've spent many months doing some fixing up, finishing out the basement and other repairs, but that only kept me distracted for a while. SInce my wife is still working, I decided to get a rescue dog for company and she's great, but now I have the responsibility of pet ownership. I have volunteered to help out at the wife's school from time to time when they need me, which seems to help a bit.

I just can't seem to understand why I feel this way.
These are supposed to be the "good times" but I am pretty miserable.
I DON"T GET IT!
 

You did mention you have a history of anxiety & you are taking meds that need time to work. The why of your anxiety only you & your councilors know so offering any insight I can't do.

I don't want to add to your anxiety but you should check how long your 401K will last. When I was able to take mine the Fidelity advisor explained my 401K would be paid out in 15 years. It would be wise to check on how long your 401K will last if you start drawing on it now.
 
I find that most of the time when there is worry and anxiety and depression, it is because we are looking at things the wrong way. You are seeing things in a negative light instead of a positive one. You are now free to do whatever you like doing. Find out what your passion is and cultivate that. If you enjoy working with your hands, there are volunteer groups like Habitat For Humanity, or take up a hobby that you think you would enjoy, and stop worrying about all the stuff you can't control, and just focus on finding some purpose in your life. Think positive and think about all the things you have to be thankful for in life. I'm sure there are many.
 

Muskrat said:
This is a bit of a long shot….but sometimes our jobs become our identity. I found it hard to quit saying I was a nurse….because that is who I was. That and losing the paycheck was very hard. It was lucky I had another thing I could do. You seem like you are stir crazy…have you thought about another job?
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This can be a real thing. I retired at 59.75 yrs, enjoyed it for a month, then did a grueling 6 month medical treatment. After that I was anxious and a bit depressed, not characteristic of my life prior. But, some real life concerns were: not familiar with SS and Medicare(still too young) and how to secure medical coverage after my wife also retires. Plus, I missed "doing what I do", so I went back to work full time, in a similar job to what I retired from. Long story short, I finally pulled the plug at age 65, figured out SS and Medicare....life is good now. 😎
 
I never agreed taking meds to cure psychological issues, but if you must, then so be-it. My advice was to get busy doing something. If you like using your hands, find a job in construction as a finishing carpenter. I had a job lined up to work at the Pentagon, but that only lasted 5 years and I was very happy to get out. I then had a job as a finishing carpenter, which required me working 4 hours per day and that job was also short term. Today, I just do what I want when I want. I am very happy to sit on the porch and watch the world go by while reading or working a crossword puzzle. Very often, a neighbor will see me and the next thing I know, we are engaged in conversation for God only knows how long that will last.

The message here is to get busy doing something you like.
 
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Thanks everyone for the advice. I've been on antidepressants for years, but the current one may be fizzling out. Seeing Dr. next week.

I was a CAD Designer/Engineer, so yes the identity of "who" you are is gone now, but then again, I had a lot of jobs including being a machinist, an aircraft mechanic when I was in the Air Force, and even a tech support person so it's not that big of a part of my identity.

I do enjoy working with my hands, but unfortunately my arthritis (Osteo & Rheumatoid) make it very difficult. My basement project took forever as I worked for a day and recovered for 3 :)

I have mentioned to the wife about getting a part time job. She says I don't need to and she enjoys having a "trophy husband" around to take care of the house, get groceries, cook, etc.

Full time work is out of the question as we have a dog that needs us around. Unfortunately my former career is only full time, and I'm not going to work part time in some retail joint. Away from the general public is better for me...I don't have the patience.

At the moment, my 401K is doing fine and I'm basically living off the interest, so at that rate it will last a long time. The wife has her 1st pension coming in as well as a full time job. I don't have the spending money I used to, but it's liveable.
We both plan on pulling Social Security at 65 and getting on Medicare.
 
MR_Ritz said:
I was a CAD Designer/Engineer, so yes the identity of "who" you are is gone now, but then again, I had a lot of jobs including being a machinist, an aircraft mechanic when I was in the Air Force, and even a tech support person so it's not that big of a part of my identity.
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In order to "let go" of the who-I-am job attachment I had to reinvent my self perception. I transitioned from viewing my self worth in terms of being the quintessential super craft mechanic to being a total fitness enthusiast.
 
If your happiness is completely dependent upon others and things outside yourself, you will never find contentment.

You don't control anything in life except yourself. So why not choose how you feel about things instead of choosing a path of frustration?

You have a limited time left in this world. How do you want to spend that time?

Even if you've been very involved in things outside of yourself most of your life, the second part of your life demands that you become more inwardly focused so that you can tend to your own needs as they become more in need of your attention.

Love yourself first. Become your own best friend by becoming more accepting of yourself instead more critical.

If you have been self critical your whole life it's now time for you to see how that won't work for you from now on.

You only have an unknowable amount of years left to enjoy your life. Are you gonna waste the opportunity to enjoy every last minute?
 
A friend of ours hated working in the Bank. He had a very high up position and said he just hated customers coming in and whingeing about everything. He saw and ad. in the local paper wanting someone to help run the timber yard which also sold sand, soil and gardening rocks. He said this was the best job he had ever had and works 9 to 5 and leaves all his troubles behind him.
 
Ruthanne said:
Have you tried breathing exercises. They have them and relaxation meditations, too, on YouTube. Good luck to you 🍀
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Yes, I've tried both. I can't really get meditation to work for me, I'm not good at it.

Thanks again for the advice. I do have a couple hobbies. I fly, and sometimes build RC airplanes and I have joined the local club. I'll also do little projects like make things on my 3D printer or electronic projects. I also enjoy music and have a good stereo system and headphone system.
With everything else that seems to fallen apart, my hearing is still good fortunately. :)

This isn't exactly the house I wanted. Too close to a busy noisy road, huge lawn that takes 2 hrs to mow, still has lots of updates that need done, and we're out of money for that now until this current loan is paid for.

OTOH it does check some boxes.

We were living in a manufactured home (glorified double wide as I called it) which was poorly insulated and had high utility bills.
Now: We have a proper stick built house now which is better insulated and new windows were just installed (and now I have to pay for them). Utilities are much better.

At the old house I only had space for the workshop in the unheated garage, which was usually too hot or too cold so my time and space was limited.
Now: I have a basement workshop now with lots of room, heating & cooling. Haven't done much in there yet since I just finished the basement and it's still being set up. Tools and shelves are not in place, but I'm stuck as to where things should go.

At the old house, my stereo had to share the living room, so much of the time I didn't get to use it as someone would be into a TV Show or movie.
Now: I have a purpose built listening room that is well insulated and I can play music without disturbing anyone else. I was down there last night trying to clear my anxiety. Sounded fantastic, yet I was bored within a half hour and came upstairs.

Lots of wins in the "things I always wanted" category, but it didn't bring me the joy I expected. Got what I wanted (mostly), so now what?
 
MR_Ritz said:
We moved to a new house last year for my wife's job. It wasn't really the house I wanted but we were under pressure to find a place since our house had already sold so we took what was acceptable.

Since we moved, I was now too far from my work and we decided that I could retire since I was old enough to get into my 401K (60).

So I did a double whammy of moving from our home of 26 years and retiring at the same time.

I've always had problems with anxiety and depression, but the anxiety is worse than ever. Seeing councillors hasn't helped that much, but now I have a psychiatrist who is working on medication, but it's still early.

To top it off, I've developed some heart issues, which although fairly minor, still scare me quite a bit.

I've spent many months doing some fixing up, finishing out the basement and other repairs, but that only kept me distracted for a while. SInce my wife is still working, I decided to get a rescue dog for company and she's great, but now I have the responsibility of pet ownership. I have volunteered to help out at the wife's school from time to time when they need me, which seems to help a bit.

I just can't seem to understand why I feel this way.
These are supposed to be the "good times" but I am pretty miserable.
I DON"T GET IT!
Click to expand...

My father retired at 65, and it destroyed him. His entire being was somehow diminished. He was lost, hollowed out.

I've thought about it (he's no passed) and I think it was because he had no plan for retirement. He had no wants, no ambitions, no plan. So he retired and just had time. Too much time, as it turned out. He almost couldn't understand where he fitted into the big picture any longer. A life worth of routines just suddenly ended.

So my non-expert and totally personal thought is - what do you want to do, what do you enjoy, in fact - who the heck are YOU outside of work and routine? I'm still struggling with it, so don't expect an answer overnight. We work the best years of our lives, but now it's you time. It's time for a new adventure, and you can be whomever you want to be. Who is that? Well, it's for to find out.
 
VaughanJB said:
So my non-expert and totally personal thought is - what do you want to do, what do you enjoy, in fact - who the heck are YOU outside of work and routine? I'm still struggling with it, so don't expect an answer overnight. We work the best years of our lives, but now it's you time. It's time for a new adventure, and you can be whomever you want to be. Who is that? Well, it's for to find out.
Click to expand...

That's the problem. I don't know what I want to do that would be possible to do.

Travel would be great, but with the wife still working and a dog that we can't take with us, that's won't happen anytime soon, plus she's always bringing up the money issue if I suggest it (even though we aren't doing too bad).

My therapist thinks I retired too soon and I think I agree with him. A part time job might be doable, but it's going to take some searching.
What I'm NOT going to work a retail job where I will have to endure crappy customers. Had enough of that in past jobs.
 
MR_Ritz said:
My therapist thinks I retired too soon and I think I agree with him. A part time job might be doable, but it's going to take some searching.
What I'm NOT going to work a retail job where I will have to endure crappy customers. Had enough of that in past jobs.
Click to expand...
I hope that your therapist can help you explore what brings you joy. I retired early too, but it was to take advantage of a new medical treatment. It was successful, but in the aftermath my body was depleted, lost a large percentage of muscle, and was quite anxious and borderline depressed. I mentioned in an earlier post that I began regular routine at the gym, rebuilding my body and mind...which brought me joy.
 
Retirement works best if one has a few engrossing hobbies that there was never enough time to fully enjoy.

Or try a new one. Genealogy research on your own family is easy to do, interesting, time consuming and inexpensive.
 
MR_Ritz said:
That's the problem. I don't know what I want to do that would be possible to do.

Travel would be great, but with the wife still working and a dog that we can't take with us, that's won't happen anytime soon, plus she's always bringing up the money issue if I suggest it (even though we aren't doing too bad).

My therapist thinks I retired too soon and I think I agree with him. A part time job might be doable, but it's going to take some searching.
What I'm NOT going to work a retail job where I will have to endure crappy customers. Had enough of that in past jobs.
Click to expand...

Perhaps there are some volunteer opportunities that might suit? Helping others in some way might bring you some joy. :)

No money, but you'll get something more valuable.
 
bobcat said:
I find that most of the time when there is worry and anxiety and depression, it is because we are looking at things the wrong way. You are seeing things in a negative light instead of a positive one. You are now free to do whatever you like doing. Find out what your passion is and cultivate that. If you enjoy working with your hands, there are volunteer groups like Habitat For Humanity, or take up a hobby that you think you would enjoy, and stop worrying about all the stuff you can't control, and just focus on finding some purpose in your life. Think positive and think about all the things you have to be thankful for in life. I'm sure there are many.
Click to expand...
Nope. Anxiety and depression come from our inherent "wiring", often, not due to negative thinking. This is a very stigmatizing POV.
 
OlderThanDirt said:
Nope. Anxiety and depression come from our inherent "wiring", often, not due to negative thinking. This is a very stigmatizing POV.
Click to expand...

I think I agree. I've never really been able to get over it.

I am on Zoloft now and it's helping, but I still have a low level anxiety that now is fairly constant rather than coming in big waves. I may have to move up to the next dosage, but this will be the maximum.

On the bright side I have discovered Tai Chi classes at the local senior center. I'm the youngest one there and felt out of place at first, but I'm into it now. Regular meditation doesn't work for me, but this "Moving Meditation" I can do. It helps you stretch, balance and build a little muscle.
 
I was a mess after I retired. Friends said I was depressed because of retirement but I at first disagreed since toward the end I really hated my job.

Yes I was relieved on one hand, but the depression and scary feeling was almost over whelming!.

I started on anti depressants and after a short while, I felt a lot better.

Just give it time. Best wishes to you.
 
I noticed it takes me quite a long time to get accustomed to a big lifestyle change. Be patient with yourself and I bet you will find yourself adjusting in time.
 


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