How do I leave my husband???

.

I divorced my abusive husband 43 years ago
[after three years in a dreadful marriage]
and have been blissfully single ever since.
 
treeguy64 said:
Absolutely solid advice follows. Paul Simon has it 100% correct:

The problem is all inside your head, she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
She said it's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
So I repeat myself, at the risk of being rude
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover, fifty ways to leave your lover
Just slip out the back, Jack, make a new plan, Stan
Don't need to be coy, Roy, just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus, don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free

Just slip out the back, Jack, make a new plan, Stan
Don't need to be coy, Roy, just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus, don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free
She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again
I said, I appreciate that, then would you please explain about the fifty ways
She said, why don't we both just sleep on it tonight
And I believe, in the morning you'll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover, fifty ways to leave your lover
Just slip out the back, Jack, make a new plan, Stan
Don't need to be coy, Roy, just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus, don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free
Click to expand...

Not cool to offer up "advice" in the form of a song.
 

Colleen said:
We've been married 21 years. He's 77, I'm 71. We're both in excellent health...no issues at all (thank God) right now but I know the day will come for that.

My husband has always depended on me for EVERYTHING!. He wants me to make all decisions in every area of our lives and I've done that for 21 years. I've made some mistakes in those decisions...I'm only human. It would take me too long to tell you what all those decisions were and I'm sure you don't want to be bored reading about them, so, suffice it to say....I'm exhausted and I resent him tremendously for it. His whole life has been that way...letting, and expecting, other people to make decisions for him.

I've also let him move me around the country from house to house that we've never paid off...and never will. When he does make a decision...there's no common sense to it and I'm too tired to even argue about it. We moved to AZ 4 years ago (his decision), and it's beautiful here and the weather is great, BUT there's nothing here. We live 20 miles from town, which has nothing to offer but hotels and fast-food restaurants (I-40 and Route 66 run through here). There's no shopping places except Wal-Mart but I haven't been in one in 5 years or so. There's nothing for us to do here. I've become a recluse. He hangs around the house all day...every day. We go to town once a week to get groceries...that's the extent of my socializing. The only people we see are his 2 grown kids on Sunday's. They moved from CA to be closer to him.

He's also said some very hurtful things to me the last 4 years, but the one that really soured me on him was when he said, "You're the biggest disappointment of my life." After everything I've done for him, especially when I nursed him at home when he was badly injured in a fall, instead of sending him to a rehab center. My mother was verbally abusive to me and my father and when he said that to me, it reminded me of what my mother use to say to me.

I want to go back to PA. I know very well what the weather is like but weather isn't everything. I want to go alone. I want to live the rest of my life making decisions for myself. I feel stuck, though. I only have a small SS to live on and no car. I do know there is subsidized housing there and they have buses for seniors that they ride for free.

I'm not sure how to go about making the break. Do I see an attorney? Would he have to pay me since he has pension and SS?? It boggles my mind when I think about it.

Any advice???
Click to expand...

If you are unhappy then make changes. It amy not be easy but it will be worth your while. Take your time and come up with a plan and stick to it. Don't operate on emotion rather, calculate your future as you would a budget. Make the years before you good years no - matter - what. Good luck
 
If my wife would have told me that I was her biggest disappointment, I would have packed up and been gone, with or without a car. An adult can walk away any time they like.

I have a few friends around here and there and a few relatives here and there that I could have stayed with until I figured things out.
 
The song is dead on the money, and the advice is sound. Just because Simon put his advice in lyric form does not mean it cannot be helpful. Of course I could have offered the same, exact advice in a Dear Abby format, but it was quicker to cut and paste. If you don't like it, big deal! Perhaps you never pay any attention to lyrics. As a working musician for thirty years, I certainly did, and still do.
 
Good luck Colleen , I know only too well what a difficult situation you're in and facing, but hopefully, you'll have the strength and the ability to go and make a good life for yourself. Emotional well being is key!!
 
Have not read the whole thread, so I may be repeating other's advice. Whatever you do, the FIRST thing you need to do is consult a lawyer to find out what your rights are and how to go about leaving him. Then take it from there. And I add, if you are miserable in the marriage leaving him is the best thing you can possibly do. Peace and happiness is priceless.
 
Sorry, I haven’t read all of the posts, so some or all of what I write may be a bit redundant. I would suggest that you seek the advice from an Elder Attorney. They can put you on the straight and narrow.

It sounds like your mind is made up, so I won’t give you any advice or stories that may only confuse your already made up mind. Your choice is your choice.

I remember when we had a case where a senior couple had lived together for 30+ years. The woman had taken much physical abuse that she tolerated early in their relationship and then that turned into emotional and verbal abuse later in their relationship. As she put it, “The old boy got too old to whip me anymore, so he turned into being just plain hateful.” Or, something to that affect.

She finally shot him, but luckily did not kill him. My point is that I would rather see you leave, rather than turn to violence.

Then, there was a case in Vermont (I believe) where a man hosted a local TV show on public TV. I think his last name was Billis or something like that. Anyway, she had tolerated all of his griping and bad-mouth at her long enough, so that one day on the way home from the TV station, he was his usual miserable self to her when she saw this lone tree along the road. She intentionally ran the car’s side that he was sitting in into the tree and killed him. Google it. I’m sure it has to be there.
 

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