I'm in a Situation I Never Thought I'd Be In

hearlady

hearlady

Every Day is a New Day.
Location
N Carolina
This is going to border on our "current events" but it is not the point.
It is about family and relationships.
I received a very dictatorial text from my son yesterday. Just to me, not my husband with a request to "put it to him" however I wanted to.
It was a detailed explanation of what couldn't be discussed at the holidays because he is working to get negative energy out of his life. The consequences for directly or indirectly referencing these current events were that he and his family would no longer be spending time with us. It was longer with more directives but you get the gist.

My first reaction was "Yeah, we said that last year, no current events and stuck to it." I relayed to him "Dad said the only time he did was when someone else brought it up." My son brought it up.
I got a smug "Well then it should be fine. I wanted to get it out there so no one comes back and tells me they didn't know it was a big deal."

Of course, it's settling in and I'm starting to fume. Maybe if I say it here I can bite my tongue and humor the man for the sake of the holidays.
If he would reread his text he would see that it is very selfish. So, I accidentally indirectly reference a current event and I lose my son and family? WTF?
I guess we are the deplorables who supported you your whole life and through all your many bonehead things? And I mean some major bonehead things!

Thank you for the vent. I can't believe we are part of something I never thought would happen in this family.
Bottom line I'm worried about him.
 

I think it’s fine to not talk politics with people who you don’t agree with as no good can come from it. It sounds like he could have asked nicely instead of issuing an ultimatum.

Both my second ex husband and I belong to the same party and married people from the other party and it’s just not discussed. 3 of my friends and I don’t agree so never discuss it. I would talk to your daughter and make sure everyone agrees.
 
Teacher Terry said:
I think it’s fine to not talk politics with people who you don’t agree with as no good can come from it. It sounds like he could have asked nicely instead of issuing an ultimatum.

Both my second ex husband and I belong to the same party and married people from the other party and it’s just not discussed. 3 of my friends and I don’t agree so never discuss it. I would talk to your daughter and make sure everyone agrees.
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He said he didn't know how to put it nicely. 🙄
 
The problem is, many emotional personalities are very easily baited by others with opposing views that likewise may not be able to resist trying to provoke others they don't agree with so they might point blame away from their own for starting hostility.

I'll suggest using a smartphone audio recording app, pleasantly announced to all say at a dinner table but without explanation, that will tend to inhibit those that once in emotional discussion otherwise will almost certainly dispute and distort whatever each other said.
 
hearlady said:
It was a detailed explanation of what couldn't be discussed at the holidays because he is working to get negative energy out of his life. The consequences for directly or indirectly referencing these current events were that he and his family would no longer be spending time with us. It was longer with more directives but you get the gist.
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I'd think common manners would discourage controversial or stressful topics during an invitation to dine. My family was half/half politically and I don't remember any controversial topics being brought up around the table at any meal (holiday or not).
 
HoneyNut said:
I'd think common manners would discourage controversial or stressful topics during an invitation to dine. My family was half/half politically and I don't remember any controversial topics being brought up around the table at any meal (holiday or not).
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It really hasn't been brought up since we all agreed not to talk about "current events". I guess it creeps in sometimes because everything these days leads to it in some manner. That's why the indirec tly dictate is difficult to abide by.
 
hearlady said:
Yeah. You'd think that college education would have paid off.
Oh, btw, he sent basically the same text to both of my daughters. So we'll all walk on eggs.
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I do feel for you. Focus on what is important to you - grand kids, getting together, your daughter's new home, good food. Make a plate for the little dictator and put him on the front porch. No, that will not happen. Just let him throw a fit.
MIL did this to me every holiday when she lived close enough to visit which for her was a whole day's drive. I was a wreck. One Christmas I stood up to her very quietly when I said she is a guest in my house.
 
hearlady said:
I love my son but he's being a PITA! 😉
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I hope this works out, @hearlady. I've had real blowouts with my son years ago and I always felt horrible, whether I was right or wrong. I know he did too.

I'm too old now to fight and he doesn't press my buttons like he used to, either. I'm betting that somehow, this will pass and you'll have a good holiday.
 


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