Who should I name in my will?

garyknrd said:
Same here, I have one son and the relationship is horrible after I divorced. I have a paid for home and an investment portfolio. And absolutely no one to leave it to. At present a friend of my is on my will. If I die she will be in for a pretty nice surprise... haha.. I am 71 and never would have thought it would be a problem giving away money. But, it is a major problem for me now.. I bet there are many many here in the same boat.
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One thing my attorney said to me that stuck in my brain was..."Just because they're his (my husband's) kids doesn't make them yours legally. You don't owe them anything." So, in the end, his kids won't get anything and my son will get $10. I've designated the rest to charities mostly locally but one to a bigger national charity. I don't have anyone to be an executor so the attorney suggested an local foundation that will distribute funds, get court orders for savings/checking accounts, etc.

If you don't have an estate attorney or a will, be sure to do that ASAP and get advice from him how to handle matters. You'll feel much better, believe me.
 

C50 said:
Keep in mind if any of those kids contact you asking for things or the promise of things you have no obligation to share information. You don't need to tell them you have sold things and you don't need to tell them what is in your will. The only answer necessary is "those are my things to do with what I want".
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I know I didn't have to tell them that I sold the guns but last week I sent them an email (didn't want to talk to them) and let them know. I also needed to say a few other things that have been unsaid for years on my part. I felt better after I got it out and I don't regret saying it. I hated the way they talked down to their dad and made him feel like he was stupid. It's done and if I never see them again that's just fine with me.
 
Yes, and my attorney handled my DNR at same time he prepared my will. Here in NY State we can leave our assets to anyone, there is no law that they must be relatives.

It gives me Great Peace of Mind to have a Will, and DNR, and I have prepared a special set of files that my daughter will need when I die.

I can be buried with my husband at the National Cemetery, and, since he was cremated, as an organ donor, I too am an organ donor, and will need to be cremated, but my daughter might take the cremains home with her or scatter them on my beloved farm.

Good for you Colleen ,that you got some stuff off your chest-with the step children.
Death ,as I sure know, brings out the best and worst in people we know.

For some reason last year a long time friend of mine starting asking me questions about my will- we have the same lawyer and she asked me who my third beneficiary was, because it is not a relative and I didn't answer her. It is my Church. She was very judgmental when I left her church many years ago. And there is also a provision that if my children die before me, the assets will go to a specific Veterans Charity.

Her husband got on the phone too and he said his Will left nothing to anyone. Maybe he is not in her will?

I also have life insurance and both of my husbands had this type of insurance too. It is something my friends above have never considered purchasing.
 

@Colleen,, glad you got will.etc, taken care of.

The other night I suggested to my husband that we should update our wills.

Our oldest son is so busy now that I don't think he would do a 'good job' with setting our estate.

If I would out live my husband,, there is a Lot of equipment, vehicles to get rid of.
Trying to get him to sell off stuff,,,,impossible!
 
Sliverfox said:
@Colleen,, glad you got will.etc, taken care of.

The other night I suggested to my husband that we should update our wills.

Our oldest son is so busy now that I don't think he would do a 'good job' with setting our estate.

If I would out live my husband,, there is a Lot of equipment, vehicles to get rid of.
Trying to get him to sell off stuff,,,,impossible!
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I think we put off making a will because neither one of us knew what we wanted to do and who we should leave things to. I'm kinda glad now that he never got around to making a will because I can do whatever I want with everything. I was so shocked when his oldest son and daughter didn't want anything of their father's (except the guns and safe). Nothing. I asked them if they'd like his watches (especially his son). Nope, didn't want them. Coats, jackets? Nope. Their dad's shooting trophies (he has some beautiful silver belt buckles and bronze figurines)? Nope.

It's not like we never gave them anything while their dad was alive. For example...when hubby retired in 2001, we sold our home in CA and bought a fifth-wheel and truck that we planned to travel in and live in, which we did for 3 1/2 years. When we left CA, I was driving a 1995 GMC Sierra that was lowered and customized. We gave that truck to his oldest son. He still has the truck but it's never been taken care of. We were sorry we gave it to him. We thought he'd take care of it like his dad did. Nope.

So, I don't feel bad not giving them anything. Know what his son said to me when I called him from the ER on the day his dad died? "Well, you hang in there, now." Seriously?? That's how much you cared? I got no emotional support from any of them. No one came to help me with anything. Now, I'm expected to give them everything? Don't think so.

I didn't have any one to appoint as executor, so the attorney suggested the Foundation that's here locally that does that for people like me so the state doesn't claim everything.
 
Colleen said:
One thing my attorney said to me that stuck in my brain was..."Just because they're his (my husband's) kids doesn't make them yours legally. You don't owe them anything." So, in the end, his kids won't get anything and my son will get $10. I've designated the rest to charities mostly locally but one to a bigger national charity. I don't have anyone to be an executor so the attorney suggested an local foundation that will distribute funds, get court orders for savings/checking accounts, etc.

If you don't have an estate attorney or a will, be sure to do that ASAP and get advice from him how to handle matters. You'll feel much better, believe me.
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I think you did the right thing Colleen. Also in regards to your post #52, It's good that you took the opportunity to say what you needed to get of your chest with your step children.
 
Edit: oops, I just noticed that I didn't read page 2 and 3 when posting my comment. I doubt my post is relevant now but you can always change your will if you change your mind.

My late post:
"If you have any fraction of love for your son, you might want to leave most of it to him because "blood is thicker than water" and he's going to need it the way this world is headed. It doesn't sound as though he's been bad to you...just not there much. Are you his last living relative? He will get a wake up call from your passing, miss you, kick himself for not spending time with you, and be grateful for your gift I'm guessing.

Your friends may be getting an inheritance from their families but if it feels good to give them something then yes, do.

If you think your son will fritter it away you can set it up for him in a trust where he needs approval to spend it (if I'm not mistaken). Trusts can be a pain in the butt though."
 
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Lara said:
Edit: oops, I just noticed that I didn't read page 2 and 3 when posting my comment. I doubt my post is relevant now but you can always change your will if you change your mind.

My late post:
"If you have any fraction of love for your son, you might want to leave most of it to him because "blood is thicker than water" and he's going to need it the way this world is headed. It doesn't sound as though he's been bad to you...just not there much. Are you his last living relative? He will get a wake up call from your passing, miss you, kick himself for not spending time with you, and be grateful for your gift I'm guessing.

Your friends may be getting an inheritance from their families but if it feels good to give them something then yes, do.

If you think your son will fritter it away you can set it up for him in a trust where he needs approval to spend it (if I'm not mistaken). Trusts can be a pain in the butt though."
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I won't leave my son anything except the $10 my attorney suggested. Why should I? He hasn't seen me in over 10 years and never calls or even sends a text. Sorry, I disagree that "blood is thicker than water". Why should bad behavior and disrespect be rewarded?
 
I completely understand Colleen. We are all walking different paths in life. Go with what your heart is telling you. Not me. Not your attorney. No one but you knows. I have a son too but he turned completely around a couple of years ago at the age of 38 so I'm in a different phase than you.
 
C50 said:
Here's my view.

First in regards to family, be it biological or in laws or step kids. If people are not apart of your life here and now you owe them nothing. Passing an inheritance to your son or step children will not suddenly make them love and respect you, or your deceased husband. Denying them an inheritance isn't punishing them, it's simply an admission that there was no relationship and they don't deserve your gratitude.

If I was in your situation and truly felt I had no one I would find deserving receiptants. Know a family that has always struggled? Help them. How about a neighbor with a couple of cute and polite kids, direct money to them for college or set up a college scholarship for a kid that meets your criteria. Have a neighbor that gives you rides, direct money to them so they can buy a new car.

I have a friend that used to mow his elderly neighbors lawn, the man passed and left him the house, he had no clue that was going to happen. It changed my friends life, he was able to retire early and take care of his wife as she battled cancer. His gratitude for that gift was beyond words, if you could do that for someone deserving you will leave this world a better place.
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I don’t drop into here very often , however I felt the need to put my 2 bobs worth about this , and I’ve got to say I 100% agree with your comments regarding any inheritance whether it be my own or step children @C50
there’s 5 adult kids of mine and 2 on DH side , some time ago there was arguments …..between the kids ….
who should get what of our estate , so we eased their minds by leaving them next to nothing to get grey hair worrying about who gets what ….
@Colleen so a applaud you for standing up to your family and doing what you wish with your money assets
( we’ve been married almost 39 years )
 

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