How do you cope living with rude family?

DinaMartinez said:
It's very normal for senior parents to live with their adult children. Also I have never lived alone and have no interest in living alone at my age. Families are supposed to help each other.
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And how is that working out? Move out and learn to live your own life! Scary for sure, but you also may find the freedom to live as you like very enjoyable!
 
DinaMartinez said:
I guess I need to find a forum for Senior Latinos because nothing I have said is far fetched unless you don't understand Latino culture
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IMO this has little to do with Latino Culture.

If I worked all day and had two teenagers and a live in mil I would expect the bulk of the household chores to be done when my husband and I got home.

It’s about teamwork and everyone pitching in to do what they can to make life easier for each other.
 
Aunt Bea said:
IMO this has little to do with Latino Culture.

If I worked all day and had two teenagers and a live in mil I would expect the bulk of the household chores to be done when my husband and I got home.

It’s about teamwork and everyone pitching in to do what they can to make life easier for each other.
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Plus, it's a tradition that's centuries old. Today, work is more stressful than ever, everything's expensive, putting money aside for the future is practically impossible....

Imagine trying to save enough today for your kids' college tuition...due in a few years. That's pretty much a broken dream.
 
DinaMartinez said:
I guess I need to find a forum for Senior Latinos because nothing I have said is far fetched unless you don't understand Latino culture
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Plenty of Latinas are empathetic, caring, appreciative to their families. We are being honest with you, unfortunate that you can't take constructive criticism and advice. It is only for your benefit and that of your son and his family. Think about it.
 
In your Latino culture you grew up in, did your mom's mom or other grandparent live with you, and before that also. If so, you could feel it is natural, and even your DIL, being from a similar cultural upbringing be used to it, so just accept it, and fight. Families fight. Did your parents have fights about your grandma? Are you all poor people? Does your son make a good living? At any rate, I think helping out around the place, and having some hobbies that can keep you out of their hair could work. Maybe they have Latino counselors you can go to. Social Services should know of group family meeting you could attend.
 
DinaMartinez said:
I guess I need to find a forum for Senior Latinos because nothing I have said is far fetched unless you don't understand Latino culture
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I have known Latino families and if a parent lived with their kids they helped out with the family chores. If I visit a friend and stay with them I help out more than you are doing.

Run your own errands and use a cart like I do to wheel them into the house. I have friends that use walkers and live alone and take care of themselves. You are going to ruin your son’s marriage. Your Dil is a saint.
 
Hmm, my grandmother lived with us for about 5 years. She was glued to my dad and followed him through several marriages, and families. She did not clean or cook, or babysit.

Different families, different cultures, different rules. Everyone is being a bit harsh. If it wasn’t working out, at any point in time, the son or the daughter in law could have mom move. They haven’t, so it’s just a “dance”.

Sometimes people get in a “dance” of behavior. It seems this is what is happening here. In that dance, they are rude to each other. One would like a little less rudeness, one thinks it’s funny, and the DIL sees her mother in law as useless, so she says hurtful things.

But it’s nice to have someone to watch the teenage boys. We all know it’s nice to have the husband gone sometimes and having mom and husband gone is probably a blessing to the wife; especially if they take the teenage boys.

The teenage boys who could clean, and cook; but I bet, culturally in this household, that’s not acceptable.

As for a 77 year old not cooking, well, I rarely cook. Thank heavens for microwave. In fact, my doctor told my husband I should never stand over a stove. I should never run a vacuum, etc. I rarely cook, I do housework. My husband does not. When he dies, I’ll have to have his room shoveled out, and decontaminated.

But, yes, in many cultures Latino and Chinese such arrangements are very common. IMO. And everyone happily complains about everyone else.
 
Teacher Terry said:
Teenagers don’t need babysitting unless the parents are gone overnight which I’m sure the
Mil doesn’t allow since she wants to be with her son as much as possible. One day the Dil will get exhausted and fed up and throw out both her husband and his mother.
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Or the husband might get tired of the nagging wife and throw her out. My dad got rid of six wives, but his mother stayed 😂.
 
I've had to live with passive-aggressive people before. They are more like school yard bullies than adults. No matter what I did they would find fault. Nothing was ever good enough. I used to blame myself. Not anymore. Nobody is that perfect. They are just spoiled difficult people. Even if Mom moved out DIL would find someone else to pick at. Best to pretend you don't hear the yammering and try to take care of your own well-being.
 
Humans react to others impinging on their territory just as animals do, with hostility. So it's best to stay within our own territory in order not to trigger that involuntary reaction.
 


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