How do you cope living with rude family?

DinaMartinez said:
Hello everyone,

I have been living with my son and his wife and teenage grandsons for the past 2 years now. Its not been a good experience for me.

My DIL is very passive aggressive and jealous of the bond I have with my son. Unfortunately, my son doesn’t stand up to her like he should.


She is always making indirect snarky comments about me “not doing anything”. Im 77 and doing the best I can.

She complains to my son (loud enough so that I can hear) about how I never cook or clean up after myself and expect to be waited on.

The other day she came home from work and I was sitting in the living room with one of my grandsons. She asked if we ate dinner and before we could answer she mumbled “of course not, the maid just arrived”. I told my son about this comment when he got home and he laughed

She also gets bothered when I have my son take me out to run errands because she says that it’s “funny” how that I can’t drive myself around when he’s got a weekend off. He thinks thats funny, too. I can drive myself, I just prefer to spend time with my son.

I really wish I could say something to her but I know that would just cause trouble so I just bite my tongue

My daughter now lives in a different state and I really don’t want to uproot my life at 77. I have asked my granddaughter if I could move in with her, even offering to pay the majority of her rent. But she says her place is too small and she’s doesn’t want to share a bed

I’m stuck.
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I guess Dina could be for real but, the bit about the granddaughter did make me wonder. Can you just imagine being young, enjoying your own space and then, your gran wants to move in and share,not just your little home but your bed also! I just cannot imagine anyone seriously suggesting that scenario but, thanks anyway Dina, I found the idea funny ;):)
 

Quite an entertaining thread. Gotta side with those calling BS on it.

Those of us living in the west or southwest likely know Latinos in our age group. My experience of those few who live with family members? The women cook, clean and provide child care. The men keep the outdoors tidy, perform handyman tasks and also help with the kids. They pitch in financially as much as they can.

While no culture is a monolith, generally speaking family trumps EVERYTHING in the Latino culture Elderly parents would sooner live on the street rather than disrupt their children's marriages.

Either this poster is an aberration within her culture - no wonder her DIL is fed up - or the whole story is BS.
 
Della said:
Well we had a fun conversation. ;) I think it's sweet that the men are more tolerant of Dina and her excuses than most of us women.

In my case it's probably because my back is squealing right now from mopping floors and changing the sheets on two beds. Misery loves company!
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Well, it wasn't fun for me. I don't like being tricked, and i don't like dirty low-down liars.
 
Murrmurr said:
Dina wasn't getting the answers and sympathy she was looking for. I'm not sure she'll find it on a Latino forum, either.

I've lived in South Sacramento for nearly a decade now, and there's a large Latino population here (in fact it's home to 5 Latino gangs...not all of them criminal). It's true they have a tradition of taking care of their elderly parents. Lots of American families do. With Latino families (generally speaking), the oldest son supports them financially, or manages their money, while his wife does most of the hands-on stuff.

But Latino moms don't just sit around waiting to be waited on. Usually, she does most of the cooking. She usually insists on it with the ol' "I know what my son likes!" argument.

I know several Latino families personally, and if there's tension it's almost always because the mom took over the wife's kitchen. So that bit was BS. (The son/husband doesn't take sides, btw. He expects the women to work it out amicably.)

Dina sounds like what's known around here as a Latino Queen. And that isn't a compliment.
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Agree, well said and explained.
 
DinaMartinez said:
it’s my thread and I keep getting alerts that you rude people are still talking about me when I said I was done posting. Leave my thread alone
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We are not rude, we're being honest and trying to give you a realistic point of view. Your son's wife is not rude, your son or his children are not rude. You need to look in the mirror.

You said you were done posting, but that was obviously false, you post a thread here and it is for the community to share their opinions and advice. Another reality check for you, you're welcome.
 
Rae said:
Maybe her son could pay for her to move to an apartment rather than having so much anger in his home. Of course if this is a true post on here.
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I'm sure she'd be constantly on the phone insisting that he come to her apartment several times a week for some nonsense reasons. Most mothers and grandmothers are much more giving and kind to their families, Latina or not.
 
DinaMartinez said:
It's very normal for senior parents to live with their adult children. Also I have never lived alone and have no interest in living alone at my age. Families are supposed to help each other
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It's not very normal to live with your children nowadays. Which century are you from? Grow up and move out. Otherwise, thank your lucky stars that your daughter in law is allowing you to stay with them.
 
I have noticed older people and older parents don’t get the respect they should. My maternal grandmother lived with us and she did help a little around the house, but my dad would continually remind us kids that grandma has done her part and fair share in life, so we should be more than willing to help grandma whenever she asked us to do something. I loved my grandma and thought it was a privilege to help her.

The night she died, it was about 2 in the morning and I woke up hearing my mom crying. I asked her what’s wrong. Dad said we think grandma had a heart attack and the doctor was on the way. I asked dad if we shouldn’t be doing something. He told us kids we should pray, but she had a massive stroke and died on the kitchen floor.
 
My paternal grandmother was someone I respected more than anyone else in this life. She was the only one
who stuck up for me in my childhood. When I was around 5 years of age, and my dad came around the corner
at her house yelling at me, she was right behind him and said "Oh leave him alone. I told him he could play there."
He immediately apologized and did what she said.

She was a master gardener, with rows and rows of vegetables, a giant sunflower plant, a chicken coop, and various
types of berries. She would give me a big bowl and let me pick blackberries to my heart's content. I would eat them
in the kitchen while she was working in there. We moved away to Idaho when I was 9 and I never saw her again. Two
years later my Dad got a phone call at night, then came upstairs to my bedroom where I was facing the wall and asked
me to turn around as he had something to tell me. I didn't move and said "I know." She had passed away that night.

I still have fond memories of her and wish we wouldn't have moved away from Washington, but we did.
 
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What do you do with yourself all day? Your DIL works all day and then is expected to come home and start on the housework? Presumably you benefit from the money she earns so it's only right that you should help in the house.
Too many older people expect to be treated like VIP's. My mother was like that, which is why she ended her days alone in a hospital and not surrounded by family.
 


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