How do you cope living with rude family?

DinaMartinez said:
Exactly.

I use a cane to get around. It makes no sense for me to cook or clean when my DIL would be responsible for those things even if I wasn't there.
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Were you serious when you posted that?

This scenario is beginning to look like one of those threads where the poster describes a situation that isn't real.
 

DIL may be making passive aggressive comments but seems to me she has a point. A big point.

You should be contributing to household chores and not expecting her to do everything and you shouldn't be monopolising your son on weekends.

I would be having a talk about how it isn't working and find a way to move out.

Do it now so you can leave on good terms and maintain a good relationship from separate residences.

Otherwise good chance they will tell you to leave anyway if this continues and you will lose any relationship with any of them, which I'm sure isn't the outcome you want.
 
DinaMartinez said:
She complains to my son (loud enough so that I can hear) about how I never cook or clean up after myself and expect to be waited on.

The other day she came home from work and I was sitting in the living room with one of my grandsons. She asked if we ate dinner and before we could answer she mumbled “of course not, the maid just arrived”
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Let's go back to specifics, maybe our suggestions have been too sweeping.

If you haven't been cleaning up after yourself (leaving a mess on the counter after making yourself a snack or leaving a mess in the bathroom after a bath) then that's wrong in any culture.

In the second scenario, DIL's coming home from work, evidently late, past the usual dinner time, and she was hoping she didn't have to walk in the door after a long work day and immediately start cooking. Why hadn't you fed the kids?

You could have made some spaghetti or microwaved some food for them. Maybe she is a better cook, but that doesn't mean she should have to do it every night and "I don't know what they like" is a silly excuse. Ask them! They're teenage boys they want volume. Make a pot of rice, microwave a bag of mixed veg, fry the rice and five eggs in some oil, mix in the veg, add salsa or soy sauce to taste.

You can do it, Dina. Step up to the plate and demand a little more of yourself.
 
Della said:
Let's go back to specifics, maybe our suggestions have been too sweeping.

If you haven't been cleaning up after yourself (leaving a mess on the counter after making yourself a snack or leaving a mess in the bathroom after a bath) then that's wrong in any culture.

In the second scenario, DIL's coming home from work, evidently late, past the usual dinner time, and she was hoping she didn't have to walk in the door after a long work day and immediately start cooking. Why hadn't you fed the kids?

You could have made some spaghetti or microwaved some food for them. Maybe she is a better cook, but that doesn't mean she should have to do it every night and "I don't know what they like" is a silly excuse. Ask them! They're teenage boys they want volume. Make a pot of rice, microwave a bag of mixed veg, fry the rice and five eggs in some oil, mix in the veg, add salsa or soy sauce to taste.

You can do it, Dina. Step up to the plate and demand a little more of yourself.
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It's BS to say she doesn't know what they like to eat, she's lived there for 2 years....that's a lot of meals to have been served up to them in front of her..
 
Coping would be to try to stay out of their way as much as possible until you can find a place of your own. Insisting on staying around will only intensify their behavior.
 
Della said:
Well we had a fun conversation. ;) I think it's sweet that the men are more tolerant of Dina and her excuses than most of us women.

In my case it's probably because my back is squealing right now from mopping floors and changing the sheets on two beds. Misery loves company!
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Hey, sometimes men subscribe to the "happy wife, happy life" theory.
 
SeaBreeze said:
Plenty of Latinas are empathetic, caring, appreciative to their families. We are being honest with you, unfortunate that you can't take constructive criticism and advice. It is only for your benefit and that of your son and his family. Think about it.
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Dina wasn't getting the answers and sympathy she was looking for. I'm not sure she'll find it on a Latino forum, either.

I've lived in South Sacramento for nearly a decade now, and there's a large Latino population here (in fact it's home to 5 Latino gangs...not all of them criminal). It's true they have a tradition of taking care of their elderly parents. Lots of American families do. With Latino families (generally speaking), the oldest son supports them financially, or manages their money, while his wife does most of the hands-on stuff.

But Latino moms don't just sit around waiting to be waited on. Usually, she does most of the cooking. She usually insists on it with the ol' "I know what my son likes!" argument.

I know several Latino families personally, and if there's tension it's almost always because the mom took over the wife's kitchen. So that bit was BS. (The son/husband doesn't take sides, btw. He expects the women to work it out amicably.)

Dina sounds like what's known around here as a Latino Queen. And that isn't a compliment.
 
There might be a way in the world for two grown women to live in the same household. Might be.

The only thing that saves me is that The Hovel only shares a roof. I have my own entrance. The Hovel is comprised of a bedroom, sitting room, full kitchen, walk-in closet, storage closet, bathroom. There's a door between The Hovel and DD/DSIL's house. And it locks from my side.

Even so, there are days when I just want to run away (and I'm sure DD/DSIL want me to :ROFLMAO:).
 
Georgiagranny said:
There might be a way in the world for two grown women to live in the same household. Might be.

The only thing that saves me is that The Hovel only shares a roof. I have my own entrance. The Hovel is comprised of a bedroom, sitting room, full kitchen, walk-in closet, storage closet, bathroom. There's a door between The Hovel and DD/DSIL's house. And it locks from my side.

Even so, there are days when I just want to run away (and I'm sure DD/DSIL want me to :ROFLMAO:).
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Around here they're called granny flats. When I was a kid our neighbor had a little house in the back for his mother. I think it worked out well.
 

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